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I 've been on the 9th floor hallway since about 10 : 20 AM . Judge Lomeli had a hearing in another case that has gone longer than expected . Lauren 's family ( Sarah Key - Marer and several friends ) , the prosecution team and defense attorney Aron Laub are all waiting in the hallway . Mr . Laub is at the other end of the hall , on a phone call . A moment later , the courtroom was opened . Judge Lomeli went on the record without the defendant present . He reviewed all of Deputy Falicon 's testimony and ruled that his opinion was a lay person 's opinion , not an expert . His opinion was based on his three dimensional observation at the scene , not photographs . Afterwards , Mr . Laub apologized to the court and to DDA Hum for his comments yesterday and those directed at Mr . Hum that became personal . Now Judge Lomeli is off the bench DDA Hum said he needed just a few additional minutes to get ready . The bailiff is removing extra chairs from the well that were needed for the previous hearing . Brown still has not been brought out . I think the deputy is getting him now . Yes , he is . The defense investigator is not here today . Brown is brought out . He leans in to speak to Laub . In the gallery with Sarah 's friends , there is a member of the DA 's office , a victim 's advocate whom I 've met before but unfortunately I can 't remember her name . The jury files in behind me . One of the male jurors , I don 't know which one states , " Damn , it 's freezing in here . " It 's true . You can never tell if a courtroom will be cold or hot . Judge Lomeli asks his jury , " Are you cold ? " YES , the jury replies . LEIGH ANN ORMES When she first met Sarah , her son Edward 's , nickname was " EJ . " The church hosted a single parents , small group that met once a week . There were about 10 to 15 people in the group . They became friends , very close . How frequently would you interact before she gave birth ? Weekly . Her son was about 1 year old . Sarah had a babysitter she was having problems with . Sarah needed to find another babysitter . Offered to watch Lauren until she found someone else . Lauren was 5 months at the time . Sarah never got another babysitter . Ormes babysat Lauren until she went to preschool , at age two , two and a half . Would often take Lauren places with her family on the weekends . After Lauren was enrolled in preschool , Ormes saw Lauren and Sarah two or three times a week . She would socialize with Sarah and Greg as well . Tell us what Lauren was like . She was a lovely little girl . She was beautiful , very feminine , always wearing dresses . Her mother had her hair up , always really cute . Tell us what kind of activities ? She liked to play fairy princesses , tea party , barbies , things like that . She interacted with EJ . EJ was an only child , he always wanted her around . They would play together . They played toys , doesn 't matter what kind of toys , she would always turn him to play house a lot . Lauren would say , " You 're the daddy I 'm the mommy . " Never saw Lauren engaged in risky activities . DDA Hum asks Ormes about how Lauren was with heights . Didn 't think she liked heights very much . She got stuck in the tunnel at McDonald 's and she freaked out . She wouldn 't move forward , wouldn 't move back . Someone had to go up and retrieve her . The tunnel was about six seven feet off the ground . How did Lauren feel about water ? She didn 't like it . There was a pool at her apt . building . They would go to the pool every day . Her son would try to coax Lauren to get in the pool . Lauren would sit around the pool and play dolls . She didn 't like it . She usually screamed if Ormes brought her in the water . Watched Lauren around cats . Ignored them , but if they came near her , she shied away . An incident involving a worm . Lauren and EJ were by a tree , it was a worm and she started screaming , " A snake ! A snake ! " Told her it was just a worm , and then Lauren responded , " Oh , okay . " There were a couple parks close to her house . One was 1 / 4 mile away , another 1 / 2 mile away . Would tell kids they are going to the park . They would get a block away , and Lauren wanted to be carried . Once Lauren was in preschool , when she got to be three , three and a half . Lauren would still be the same . Didn 't want to walk to the park . Once got to park , EJ would run off . Lauren would want to stay near her and play with the hand held toys . Would ever Lauren ever run off away from you ? She was usually attached to my hip . Was she hard to control ? I didn 't have very many problems with Lauren . She was good . Were there occasions when she took Lauren to the mall ? Ormes would put Lauren in the stroller . Then they would get to the door , and Lauren would ask to be picked up , and carry her the whole time . This was at age three , three and a half . Shows a photo of Lauren , exhibit 101 . It 's the photo of Lauren standing at the playground that Brown took on the day she died . Was that one of the poses she would have if Lauren was upset or scared ? ( Yes . ) Talks about an event with visiting Santa on his lap , and Lauren had her fist clenching or pulling on her hands . Another event , where Ormes husband was holding Lauren . He asked Lauren if she wanted to see the crocodile . She said sure . He leaned Lauren over a bit to look down at the crocodile . [ She became very afraid . I believe the witness also stated Lauren made the hand holding or her hands into fists . ] After Lauren 's death , Ormes went to the cliffs , after Lauren died . She went twice , once with a friend and another time with her husband . She went out onto IP with her friend the first time . She went all the way out to the end . They walked on the street side , passed the fenced in area , to the IP cliff , We walked down from the street , towards the end . There were like bushes , towards the end it just dropped off . How did she act around her mother ? Smiling and laughing and hugging and kissing on her mom . It was the exact same way for Sarah . Lauren was the most important thing in Sarah 's life . Ormes is asked if she witnessed things Sarah would say to Lauren , before Lauren went on a visit with Brown . What I witnessed was , Sarah would say things to her like , " You 're going to see Poppa Cameron tomorrow , you 're going to have so much fun . " Sarah would try to make it seem like fun to Lauren , so Lauren would want to go . Ormes never heard Sarah say anything negative about Brown in front of Lauren . Ormes would sometimes have conversations with Lauren . Lauren was very vocal . Was there anything that Lauren would not tell you about [ after her visits with Brown ] ? She would normally just say , she had fun . She would not elaborate at all . Did you notice her behavior change [ after that ] ? Yes . She started saying things that she had never said before . Like , " I have a new mommy . I have a new Daddy . Sarah doesn 't love me any more . Greg is just my step dad and Josh is just my stepbrother . " Ormes states she had never heard her say anything like that before . What you said about the photograph , when was the first time you saw that ? I may have seen it in a previous proceeding . And when is the first time you talked to the prosecutor about that ? I believe it was in a second interview , and I brought it up . Confronts her on when she first said this about Lauren 's hand holding , clutching , or hands in fists . Claims she did not say this in the first proceeding . Now crossing her on the event at McDonald 's and how old she was . She was about two . The witness states there were other experiences involving heights , where Lauren wouldn 't go on slides , etc . Have you ever seen any other child , that 's three , three and a half , four years old , that needed to be carried everywhere ? She wouldn 't know , unless she asked other parents . She did not feel it was a negative thing for Lauren . If you didn 't do what she wanted , she would throw one heck of a tantrum ? It depends on the situation . If I had put her on a time out , she would throw a tantrum . You told us about how you knew Lauren very well and that was a few years , and how you described her , and would play with things with your son and she wanted to play house ? Did you also see any kind of changes in her interest ? She progressed each year , hands on type toys . She just had her ways . She was just that way . Did it concern you at all , Lauren appeared to be in your eyes , as she was growing , always interested in specific things , these roles , this little homemaker , dolls , etc . Did that concern you at all ? No not at all . Was it part of your sense of things a kid might need to develop a greater variety of [ interests ] in things ? It was my job as her babysitter , was to ensure that she was taken care of and happy . I thought she was progressing . Did she ever play in grass ? Where I lived , we didn 't have a yard . There was a yard available to Lauren later [ either at Lauren 's own home , or at Ormes ' home . ] The worm situation . Was this the first time she had ever seen a worm ? [ miss answer ] From her shrieking at this 1 - 2 inch worm , from her experience , was that one of the things that you concluded that she didn 't like animals ? One of the things . Lauren didn 't like animals ? Witness had two cats . Lauren was afraid of the cats . Lauren didn 't want to pet another church member 's dog . Ormes tried to encourage her to pet the dog . Lauren stepped back from the witness [ and the dog ] . Afterwards , she just told Lauren it was okay , and comforted her . Did you know , personally , if Lauren had a close relationship with her father ? I believed they were getting to know each other . Objection . [ Sustained ? ] The doctor is asked to give her CV . Went to Columbia for her MD . Give her internship , residency , chief residency and Roosevelt Hospital in NY . Explains internship and residency . She also does developmental assessments . These determine how well they do . Developmental milestones . With infants , when they started to sit up , crawl , etc . Similar for every year as a child progresses . Gives more of her CV . She 's a full professor at the Geffen School of UCLA Medical School . Most of her responsibility , down at Harbor . Overseeing supervising students seeing patients . There is a Society of Behavioral Pediatrics . She is a member . It encourages teaching , research and practice . Deals with school problems , mental retardation , the whole spectrum of child development and how it is evaluated . On different committees with pediatrics . She 's also lectured on pediatrics . Given several hundred lectures . She 's also been published in Medical Journals . Explains getting published and the peer review process . She 's had between 45 & 50 [ peer reviewed papers ? ] published . Now testifying about the awards she 's received . And acts as a consultant for various agencies , working for the courts to determine if a child was injured , or abused . Criminal court and federal court , about child pornography , and for the US Postal Services . Also other legal agencies . Also consulted for the FBI , the Navy and Homeland Security , and LA County coroner . Asked to assist in the investigation into the death of Lauren Key . She is not paid for her consultant work for the coroner 's office . About eight cases some years , some years six . In preparation , in assisting in the investigation , was provided with information both physical and mental . She was four years two months . She weighed 44 pounds . Her height ( miss ) . She received the coroner 's folder , by going to the coroner 's office to view the file . There is an office there , for her to work the file . It had to do with the likelihood that Lauren , would have initiated this hike , and would she have been able to sustain and do the full hike on her own , based on the expectations on her age and developmental level . He development was normal for her age . Was age appropriate and reached her age milestones . Also received information from the police reports from her personality , things that she would do before her death ? Things that were included in the police report . In the report , was that Lauren has recently returned from overseas . Are there cases where you 're asked to assist in a death , and you 're unable to reach any type of conclusion ? Usually she can answer the question , and the coroner may choose on how to interpret her answer . Some cases she [ references ] unusual medical findings . My role , I 'm not a pathologist , but more as a pediatrician with clinical experience with children . In addition to reading reports , did you also engage in certain activities to help with your conclusion , March 26 , 2001 ? She went to the parking lot at Abalone Cove . She drove by herself and parked and there were a number of people there when we first met . Detective Shannon , Detective Smith , and Detective Leslie , Dr . Chinwah and Dr . Lakshmana . Chinwah performed the autopsy , and Lakshmana was the Chief medical examiner at the time . Did you and any of those people go on a hike from Abalone Cove out to IP ? Detective 's Smith and Shannon and she went on the hike . Was it your understanding the hike you went on was led by Lauren ? Yes . Back in 2000 , could you tell us your particular condition ? I was fit , I had run the LA marathon . She ran regularly , every morning about seven miles each day . It was strenuous hike . It was rugged terrain . There were areas where you were walking along a narrow path along a ledge , up and down . It was a hard hike . The LA marathon was easy . Do you recall , did you have any children with you at the time ? No . How long did it take you ? About fifty minutes . A little under an hour . Based on all your training and experience and going on the hike itself , how would you characterize that claim ? I don 't find it to be a credible claim . Why not ? It was a hard hike . After 20 minutes on a playground , 4 year olds , would be a little tired . They have about a 20 minute attention span , although they might want to change the activity , maybe for a few minutes , the terrain was such that she would [ not ? ] have been able to plug away . The path and the entire terrain was really rugged . Now information about Lauren ? There were two things that I was told about , one was that she had recently traveled , From England where there was a difference in time zones , jet lag , so body rhythm is off . That takes a while to re - adjust , and the records I had , that she had been crying in preschool for an hour and a half , and I think that would have affected her overall energy level . So this , fear or coercion , would that only be evidenced by threat of being left behind , or were there other possibilities ? So would be , left behind , or physically being hit , or come with me or I 'm going to give you a smack , or I 'm going to be really mad at you if you don 't come . Parents can do and say things to have children do things they want them to do . Wouldn 't she just throw a tantrum ? Well they [ tantrums ] are person dependent . They are [ dependent upon ] who you are with , or whether you just get quiet and comply . She could have thrown a tantrum doesn 't mean she was agreeable to what was going on . What we say by tantrum , people mean different things . We don 't know that she didn 't throw a tantrum , it doesn 't mean that would have been her only way of expressing that she didn 't want to go . With regard to children , in 4 year olds , isn 't there something called fear of abandonment ? Yes . Not specific to four year olds . What would that encompass ? Well , being left behind . Dr . Berkowitz , you prepared a report in this case ? I did . Did you in fact document your expert conclusion based on all your training and all your experience that you received ? My conclusion was that I did not believe that the hike was initiated by Lauren and that the completion of the hike would have only occurred by assistance , fear or coercion . Seventy - nine page document People 's Exhibit # 79 . That is her most recent CV and list of qualifications , etc . It 's pretty recent , but she 's given some lectures but otherwise , it 's up to date . Did the detectives talk wit you about different routes that you could take to IP ? I don 't know about a different route , we went to one point and around . They 're not different hiking paths in that area . [ Asked to explain ? ] I guess a combination , but we were on the dirt path and on the sides of us was brush . We stayed pretty much on the one path that was visible . One of the things that they didn 't tell you , was that Lauren and Brown were seen on Palos Verdes Drive ? I don 't remember that , the path was parallel , to the drive . We were never on the drive itself . So her route did not include Palos Verdes Drive South . She testified in court in 2009 . Didn 't you say that the detectives didn 't tell you that they were seen on Palos Verdes Drive , so you didn 't go that way . Her understanding is that , law enforcement didn 't know that at the time . Did your hike involve any stops at all ? No . Did it involve seeking out the next segment of trail ? No . My recollection is we went along the trail and followed it as best we could . There were some areas that were more overgrown . We didn 't stop and look , we just kept going on . You also testified in 2006 . One of the things that came up is , if you had been told that there were photographs of Lauren showing her to be happy that day ? No . There was a question , would it matter if there were five to seven witnesses ? Would it matter if there were witnesses that at seen Lauren that described her as not appearing to be sad ? It would not change her opinion . Observations , would it matter if she learned that Brown was ahead or behind ? No . Would it matter if no one observed Lauren being carried ? No . A series of questions , if she had known would it change her assessment , if she was never observed crying ? No . If she was happy and playful ? No . What you 've [ known ? ] about Lauren as an individual , is what you 've been told about her level of activity as a child ? It 's two fold . It 's activity levels and duration four year olds and then taking into additional account , her temperament her risk taking behavior , and that she had also engaged in physical activity at the playground . [ If you ] had you seen in the school records a statement by her mother , that she was someone who was lively and energetic ? [ I believe there is an objection . Then Laub asks the question as a hypothetical . ] Question as a hypothetical , because facts have not been introduced , but hypothetically . Were you to be informed , the child 's mother had stated in a school record that her daughter was highly energetic , would you have found useful ? It wouldn 't have changed things . Activity level speaks to a period of time . Some are bubbly and energetic , but it doesn 't speak to stamina or endurance . What your primarily concerned with in this child , is what you 've been told about temperament . That applies to all of it and what I know about this individual child . ( been told ) Developmental milestones with children . By the age of four , standard developmental milestones include a new interest in the world outside the home ? Not sure a new interest , because some are into that outside of that . Four is also considered the age of anxiety , where they have fears of different things . Berkowitz , states that 's not it . It 's getting out in the world and experiencing all the things that can happen . Experiencing lighting , being left in a museum when it 's closing . [ Berkowitz gives more examples of things that 4 year olds cold become afraid of . ] It 's what we expect in children at this age . It 's what I counsel parents at this age . That is something that behaviorally and developmentally that happens . Isn 't it true , that it comes from conflicting needs ? That sounds Freudian . [ I believe there is some laughter . ] It really doesn 't follow through . Isn 't it true though , that it 's experiencing that desire , to experience what is new ? It 's very variable , in children experiencing , where children do things more controlled and do things to measure their safety . Take swimming . Some won 't even go in the ocean to do different things . That 's not Freudian . Some children are afraid of dogs . There 's human variability . Some is based on passed experiences and some is the intrinsic wiring in various individuals . But if Lauren had a father is an outdoors man who is very active , and Lauren wants to please him , that would be understandable in her desire to please her father ? She would engage in that activity as long as she is capable ? Their desire to please doesn 't determine the ability to do something . More questions about , we don 't know the sequence of [ events ] . DDA Hum objects . That they do know the sequence . Laub argues , and the court states sidebar . It 's possible here , that what we have Lauren , 20 minutes attention span at the playground and her father says , lets go on this hike . I believe Laub asks about the whole question as to whether or not Lauren would have completed the hike without coerced in some manner , or not being carried . The whole thing as to where the hike took place and [ miss rest ] . Laub states the actual hike is not a 50 minutes . The actual hike is 20 to 25 minutes long . That would fit into the attention span . That would fit to the physical ? It doesn 't fit to the stamina , in regards to the terrain . The exact path , every step of the way to get from the playground to the end of IP , is that critical to you determination ? It had to do with the terrain , the degree of elevation . Even getting up from the playground up to Palos Verdes Drive South , is a steep incline . And that area , of the Palos Verdes Drive , there are landslides and there are irregular terrain . Let me ask this question . Assuming that Lauren did not die on Inspiration Point , was there something else . As far as they traveled , we 're only talking about half the hike , the car is back in Abalone cove ? [ Berkowitz ] My understanding is she would have to walk back to where the car was parked . So IP was the half way point , she would have to have returned to the car . Lauren would not have willingly participated in half the hike she was going on ? That 's correct . Is there any reason to think that , if Lauren had succeeded making this hike half way and there was time to go back , the outdoors man wouldn 't have said to her , Congratulations , good job ? I think that 's fair to say . [ However , ] A car took us back to where we had parked . Did anyone tell you that , the quality of the child 's personality had something to do with her assessment ? That Lauren had shown a lot of respect for authority figures ? They all said , she was asked to do something , she would always do it ? Berkowitz has that as a recollection of that . She was a compliant , obedient , good girl ? And parents are authority figured ? Yes , parents would be . So , a child like Lauren , is especially attentive to the request of authority figures , she would be attentive to the authority requests of her father ? I would think that 's true . And she would do it rather than a coercion ? Could be , but there could be other reasons why a child would comply with that request . Your assessment that Lauren would not have initiated or willingly [ gone on the hike ? ] Again , that hike was strenuous for an adult and very difficult for a four year old who was not a risk taking child , who was more fearful of things . My assessment was based on four year olds and augmented by what I knew specifically about Lauren . Lauren , to please her father the outdoors man , . . . . assuming that she reaches a point of getting tired on that hike , and if she shows an exceptional strong willed , is that she would push herself father , to mimic the father ? I wouldn 't use strong willed that way . I 'm not sure how the term was used as it was applied to Lauren , so maybe you could clarify . Officer Massey . Retired . From what job ? Retired from Airport police in 2007 . Had been an officer with the LAX 33 and a half years . It 's a city entity but separate from the LAPD . Worked there on January 19 , 2001 . Assigned to the desk . She was a desk officer . It was at their head station . At 96 & Sepulveda , right inside the Airport . What did this person tell you ? He wanted to make a report that his ex - girlfriend was staking him and made a statement that she said , " I 'll kill you . " Gave the name of the [ stalker ] as Sarah Key - Marer . He told her that while in his custody , his daughter died . He claimed that he had been receiving phone calls every day all day since the child 's death , from Sarah . He said he did not answer those phone calls . What did he tell you that she did ? She blocked him from getting [ on ? off ? ] his motorcycle . She wouldn 't let him leave . She was yelling and screaming . Did he tell you she used any particular type of language ? I believe she was cursing and screaming . What specifically did Sarah say , as he was driving off on the motorcycle ? " I 'll kill you . " What were his specific words ? He said he was making this report on the advice of his attorney and because of fear for his life . When he made this report , you were at a police station , and he knew you were an officer ? [ Yes . ] She completed an official report . Were you made aware of any type of report or event at the airport ? No ? She was not aware of anything about Mr . Brown or anything related to this event ? No . When Mr . Brown recorded that he heard Sarah Key - Marer , [ ? ] it wasn 't " scream , " it was " yell " ? I 'd have to look in the report . It was explicit as to what he said . She looks at report . The report states Yell . Something else . She told you that , one of the reasons he was making the report was his attorney told him to do so , I got that . Maybe a little picky , the words were not " afraid for his life " but he was afraid she was going to harm him ? Yes . Do you know Sarah Key Marer ? [ Yes . ] Met her through a friend Janice , on a cruise that Sarah organized . It was definitely before 2000 . Also know Sarah 's husband Greg . They went camping together through the same church . Also her husband and her conducted Sunday School classes for the children through fifth grade . She spent a lot of time with the kids , more than the adults . Did you know Lauren Key ? I knew her from being at church . I met her there . Also met her through a camping trip . Was an annual event organized for families through the church . Would happen every year . They would provide all the food . It was every summer . What type of camping was it ? It was tent camping . First weekend of August 2000 , there was a camping event in Orange County . Describes were the event was . Her and her husband went and their three kids . [ I get two ages ; Six and eight ] were the ages of her sons . Saw Lauren and Greg at that event . Activities that Lauren engaged in ? I didn 't see her engage in activities that she specifically was organizing . Lauren kept with her family . The witness organized a hike . Was this 1 . 5 miles through cliffs and valleys ? No , nothing like that . There was a group site , and there was a hill behind the camp site . Was it strenuous ? Not really . How did you ask all the kids if they wanted to go ? A group would walk around each families camp site and ask them if they wanted to go . I was very excited and encouraging to the kids , telling them , you 'll want to come with us . I was very encouraging to have them come with the group . It stuck out in her mind that Lauren didn 't want to go . Lauren was adamant about not going on the hike . There were a big group of kids that wanted to go . Out of our group of friends , Lauren was the only one who didn 't want to go . Did you see Lauren engaging in any kind of physical , rowdy rough behavior ? No , not at all . It didn 't seem like she was into that type of play . She was into play . She didn 't look like that kind of girl that want to get dirty , is how I would describe it . Did you try to encourage , specifically her ? I tend to be pushy . I kept trying to get her to go , and that I would help her and that she wouldn 't be alone . At some point , did you hear that Lauren had died ? Yes I did . Did you hear the circumstances ? Yes I did . Based on your experience of Lauren . . . Objection . Over ruled . Lauren was clinging to her mom ? Well , she was real close to her mom . You testified in a proceeding in 2006 , correct ? Yes . Is it accurate to say , that you don 't have any memory of seeing her away from her mother on that camping trip ? Not that she remembers , no . And as far as Mr . Brown goes , I don 't know if you 've heard anything in 2006 , you didn 't know anything about whether Mr . Brown was an outdoors man or not ? No . And you don 't know how Lauren was with her father ? No . My husband Michael and Greg were in a small group together , so was introduced that way . They went on a cruise together and camped together . Took care of Lauren one night when Sarah and Greg went out to dinner . Knew Lauren a little over a year . Describe Lauren 's personality . Was she adventurous was she cautious , obedient , defiant ? Lauren was kind , personable , outgoing , friendly . A girly girl . When I took care of her , she sat in my lap while I read her stories . She remembers her twirling around in the living room , saying , " Watch me , watch me . " I did not experience her being defiant in any way . She was respectful . Did you observe her in any type of play activity ? When we were camping , in the campground , she just had her daughter JOR , [ I have not published Ms . Roque 's daughter 's name . ] just a few months old . Lauren wanted to stay at the camp and hold her , and be [ with her ] in her stroller . She just wanted to be with JOR . Her daughter was about three months old . On that camping trip , you never saw Lauren 's mother invite her to go out on a hike or any other physical activity ? No . The same for Greg Marer as well ? No . You never saw them go out in any kind of nature activity ? Not that I recall . Do you know the individual sitting at the end of counsel table ? [ Yes . ] Identifies the defendant . [ I know him from the marina , in Port Royal Marina . In 1997 , did you have a boat there ? Yes . The defendant lived there as well . They both lived on their boats . She knew a man named Jack Laisure , [ how about ] Scott Simonson and Troy Nichols ? [ Yes . ] She and Brown met . We met we would go to the farmers market . And they would end up at the gate at the end of their dock together . We were acquaintances . We did not date . She did go hiking with , one time . It was in Palos Verdes . It was kinds rural . It was a cliff , that had hiking trails , where you could go out and hike down to the beach . It was Inspiration Point . When you went out to Inspiration Point with the defendant , do you remember where you went ? Did you go to the point , out on the beach ? To the best of your recollection . We hiked for a while , and went out to the beach , and then came back up and left . Who drove there ? Cameron did . We parked on the side of the road . Did the defendant say anything to you in regards to the cliff . He said he liked that place and that he liked it a lot . There was something that he also said about suicide , and it struck her as strange . It was something about suicide ? Yes . Did he tell you what he did for a living ? He was a baggage handler for the airlines . At one time he was off duty , for an injury . He was surfing a lot during that time . One time when she was just getting to know him , they had a conversation about children . We were in his Volkswagen bus , and we were coming back to the marina . I asked him if he had children and he said no . He laughed and said his ex - girlfriend , [ was pregnant ? ] he had her deported . He laughed about it , like it was a joke or something . Your relationship you were acquaintances , did you considered him a friend ? No . After that last comment , I didn 't want to have friends like that . It put me off . Did you ever have an opportunity to see the defendant display any emotion ? He was angry with me , because someone gave her a boat part . She didn 't really need it . Cameron found out that she had it . She didn 't need it . The part , it wasn 't for his boat . He wanted her to give it to him . He got really angry when she wouldn 't . She found out that there was someone else who needed this boat part . Did you actually give the boat part to this other person rather than the defendant ? Yes . Going to release the jury . And the witness is excused . Jury is ordered back at 9 : 30 AM . They can come early , 9 : 15 AM and enjoy the doughnuts and bagels the judge will bring them . ABOUT T & T © Trials & Tribulations 2007 - 2017 . All rights reserved . Do not reproduce in whole or in part without the express written consent of Trials & Tribulations . 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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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It will be fun to see what Karen contributes for our December Challenge . Unfortunately we will also be saying goodbye to Design Team Member Tere . She has decided to step down in order to dedicate more time to another project she is involed in . Hi ! ! I am IRIT and I am from sunny ISRAEL . In my " real life " I have been a dentist , but for the last 3 years I do it as a part time job , because I need some extra time to run my Israeli online scrap shop and I am havimg a lot of fun doing something else after 25 years of dentistry . I have been married for 28 years to a retired high police officer , he is the full time family cook these days . I am a mom to 4 grown ups : 2 sons and twin daughters . The empty nest is probably the main reason for my obsession for crafting - finally I have some time for myself . My oldest son is a high army officer and recently married . The second one is " a world traveler " - for the last 4 years after his army service . He is out of Israel for at least 9 months a year . This year he lives in Spain and works there . My twins are in their second year of college and my scrapbooking inspiration . I need to say that I have been totally addicted to crafting since I was a little girl . For many years it was polymer clay and jewelry making , but after I saw a scrapbook LO for the first time in my life ( only 5 years ago during my visit to USA ) I understood finally that I am in love with paper . Today I mostly scrap and do altered art and some card making . I am a real challenge blog freak . I have been a guest design team member on about 7 - 8 challenge blogs . I also design for UK chipboard company named Tando creative , for an Australian shop named Scrap with V and I am also on SNR WEB MAGAZINE editorial staff . I was published in print in Israel several times and was published in every possible web magazine during the last year . Finally my other addiction is . . . . . folk dancing . So if I am not in my crafting room - I am probably dancing If you want to see a bit of my work you can visit my blogMake sure you come back to see what Irit will contribute to Scrap Our Stash . Missy is from Murfreesboro , Tennessee . She has been married to her best friend from high school for twelve years . He is very supportive in all her creative endeavors ! Missy is a SAHM to three boys who keep her on her toes , Mason 7 , and twins , Dylan and Corbin , 3 . She has been scrapping since her oldest was born , but she has always loved all things crafty ! Besides scrapping , she loves to make jewelry , paint , sew , take pictures , and mix up all her crafts together to see what she can come up with . She said she is very fortunate to have been able to turn their dining room into a craft studio , so she can leave her projects out to work on them when she has a few minutes to spare . With all of her supplies , she completely filled up a dining room ! She thinks she has every style of American Crafts letter stickers ! Acrylic stamps are another weakness ! She could scrap for months and not have to buy anything IF she could just stay out of the craft stores ! Missy submitted this layout as a part of her introduction . Our November Guest Designer Denise lives in Southern California , which she loves because she can wear flip flops most of the time . She is a stay at home mom to two lovely children who are the main focus of her scrapbooking . She scrapbooks layouts , cards , and home decor . You can see a fabulous Halloween banner she made with Graphic 45 's Halloween in Wonderful at http : / / lalasworldblog . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / trick - or - treat . html . She keeps busy with her kids , her addiction to scrapbook challenges , managing a group that creates lifebooks for adopted children , and the occasional fluff novel . Denise submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said " for me my THAT project was scrapping a page about my life as a young adult . There are a couple of reasons I have put it off . The first is that I knew I would have to go through several shoeboxes to find the pictures . This actually turned out to be really enjoyable as I went down memory lane . The other is that I keep very busy with all the pictures of my children . So after I went through my boxes and found some pictures I wanted to use , I scrapped this layout . I went crazy with my Fancy Pants rub - on and the paper is also from Fancy Pants . The blue flowers are from Prima . The vellum quote I cut up was from Quick Quotes and reads , " Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside , thoroughly used up , totally worn out , and loudly proclaiming , ' WOW ! What a ride ! ' " Can 't wait to see what further contributions Denise will make to Scrap Our Stash . Check back regularly , there is something new posted here everyday . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by I was finally able to complete my THAT project . I really needed this challenge to make me complete this layout about a special time my sisters and I spent with my dad before his Alzheimers took his mind from us . The pictures are not very good - but the most important part was the journaling . I have procrastinated doing this layout for a long time - I 'm not big into journaling - but knew that this was important to capture my memories of that special time . Now it 's your turn to take the THAT project challenge . Hurry , the challenge ends at 6 PM on October 31st . See all the details in October Challenge below . In my recent blog post when I came around to carding with felt , I alluded to having some ( or many ) crafting items that are still considered work in progress ( or WIP ) . One such item , for which I have no excuse , was a little amigurumi turtle that I started in June 2009 . Yea - I have many projects where I am ashamed to state out loud when I started something ; ) I was showing a friend how to crochet , which included learning how to read a pattern and following the instructions . He decided on an amigurumi pattern due to its bite - size nature ( in comparison to a blanket which takes forever ) , 3 - D aspect , and its complexity ( which included learning how to sew parts together ) . So I crocheted one with him to show him how to get started . Half a turtle shell later , he went home and started on his crochet frenzy . I showed my friend in total one turtle shell , and one leg . So for the longest time , Todd , the non - existing turtle that I had already named , comprised of one shell , one leg , and a partially finished head ! Kinda macabre . . . no ? So when Kathy gave us our October Challenge to try to finish THAT project , the guilt immediately wafted up from the box of unfinished crocheted items . Todd was whimpering from the bottom of the box . The most challenging part was finding the right pattern . Back then I didn 't bother printing the pattern out , since I was going to finish it in two evenings . Or so was the plan . While I sewed on his last limb , it occurred to me that Todd didn 't have a home . But then I remembered that one of my other dear friends has a mom that loves turtles of all kind . Big , small , breakable display only , huggable and squeezable stuffed animals - you name it . She has a collection . And since I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer , I am going to send Todd across the Big Pond to join the already established turtle home . The October Challenge is to do THAT PROJECT ! When I was one handed ( short story = Fingers - Garage Door - OUCH ) , I made the comment that typing one handed was a challenge - and someone suggested maybe the next challenge should be to JOURNAL ! YUCK YUCK YUCK ! I hate to JOURNAL ! Buttttttttttt I have one particular page in mind that I HAVE TO DO - and it will mean some real heart felt journaling . It is about my last visit with my Dad - before the alzheimers had taken him from us . It was a precious time - and one I always want to remember . I have some bad pictures ( from an advantix camera ) that help to capture the memory - but the real story is my memories and feelings . I know I need to do this page - but struggle with the idea sooooooo in order to MAKE myself complete this layout - I am going to challenge MYSELF and the rest of you - to do THAT Project ! You know the one I mean - the one you 've been putting off . Your challenge is : to do a project you 've been procrastinating about it may be a particular layout , cleaning up your scrap area ; finishing all those started project - anything goes - and you are encouraged to Scrap Your STASH ! To participate in the challenge just send a picture of your project to Scrappinpsycho @ live . com along with a description . All entries will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash . A winner will be chosen and given the opportunity to be a Guest Design Team Member for December . All entries must be received by 6 : 00 PM central time on October 31st . Can 't wait to see what THAT Project is for you ! This photo was taken on a visit to my Nan , we took her out for lunch in the pub even though she did 't want to go , she was struggling to walk that day . We went outside for photos before we left . The next day she collapsed getting out of bed , the cancer was back and the tumour pushing on her spine paralysed her legs . This photo was the last day before she went into the hospital . She never came home . Guest Design Team Member Denise submitted this frugal tip of using scraps to create cards . She said " I cut the pieces up into various pieces for a 4x6 card . Here 's where I use my punches . I also ink up all the pieces once this is done . After I 've cut it all up , I stamp sentiments and images on the pieces of cardstock and add some embellishments from my stash of embellishments . These are embellishments that are extras from kits etc . Here 's how my cards came out . So I enjoyed a funny movie and have some fun notes to send off to my friends and family J . Hope you 'll give this a try ! I had just gotten a " boy " kit in the mail of Doodlebug goodies in these colors . 99 % of the stuff is from Doodlebug . Ladybug la - di - dot , Sew American Stripe , Boys Only , and 1999 Skulls card stock . Well , I don 't have too much that I won 't try or stuff that I put off . . . . so this challenge was a little tough for me . I was mentioning this to my husband when he pointed out that I never finished the " Canvas " I had started for " his room " . Ok . . . he got me there . So , that became " THAT " project for me . They were like $ 50 each . . . ( $ 200 . . . total nope . . ) . . . I said I 'd make him something like that instead . . . well , that was over a year ago . I did finally pick up some wooden squares with words on them . . . . but they sat around too . Then I started this canvas practicing a technique with VASELINE ( which I 'll share later in this post ) . It too sat unused . So I decided to put them altogether . . . I added some extra paint to " block " the canvas into sections and then it sat for another 2 weeks while I struggled with how to adhere the wooden blocks to the canvas / paper . I finally just decided to glue the darn things . So now IT ' S DONE . . . . here it is . And I 'll share the Vaseline Masking technique . So this canvas is 16x20 . . . I used modge podge to adhere paper to the canvas ( on the back side only . . no modge podge on the top of the paper ) . Then when dry . . . . I took VASELINE and put in on the paper in a few spots . . ( like just to the left of the PEACE block and also to the left of the HARMONY block & left of the LOVE block ) - - NOTE the red wood signs are not adhered at this point . Then I applied BLACK paint over the whole thing . . Paper and vaseline . Then wait for the paint to dry . . . Now , since Vaseline doesn 't dry . . . you take a paper towel and wipe off the vaseline ( yes this is a messy step ) . . . but the vaseline acts like a mask and wherever you had vaseline there will NOT be paint . . . you 'll be wiping it off ! ! ! I added extra gold & white paint to help " section " the canvas into 4 parts . Oh , my husband is a Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor so " his room " is a little sanctuary in our house where we do massages & Yoga . Just so you 'd know a little more of the reason for the project . Now it 's your turn to take the October Challenge - see all the details below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - details also below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " for this challenge , i really loved how Christy used circle elements in her page . I definitely wanted to carry this over to my page . I started by cutting my four pictures down to 4x4 size and rounding the corners . Next , i glued them down and placed my painted chipboard circle over them . The paper was " too white " for me , so i lightly misted it in a peach color . Although , most people think PINK when they think Flamingos , the Flamingos in my photos were more peachy , so i chose to stay close to that color . I love how this page turned out ! Thanks Christy for the challenge ! Now it 's your turn to take the Pagerize This Challenge . See all the details below in the Pagerize This Challenge . Design Team Member Laurie submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " Here 's a page that is back from September 2009 . Maybe not terribly long ago , but when it was such a fun topic , I don 't know why it took me so long to do it ! This page is about DH and my trip to see Monty Python 's Spamalot in San Jose . Little did we know that I would have * the * seat that had the grail under it ! I was then escorted up on stage during the performance to receive my Best Peasant Award from King Arthur himself ! I got a foot statue and the award certificate shown on the layout . The polaroid is something the actors take during the performance to give to you as well . So I don 't know why it took me so long to do this page , but I 'm happy that it 's done so I can be sure to remember the fun ! Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . What is your THAT project . We 'd love if you would share with us . See all the details in how to submit your project in the October Challenge post below . Also , don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge - details below . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Missy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " When I read the challenge this month , I knew it would be a hard one for me . For the last three and a half years , I couldn 't bring myself to scrap these pictures of my twins , born at 30 weeks . I haven 't been able to scrap them , simply because they still make me so emotional . I felt so helpless , unable to do anything to help them get out of the NICU . And I felt guilty over not being able to carry them longer and guilty because I had to leave them to come home and care for my oldest son . It was a very emotional time for me . They stayed in the NICU for 22 days , mostly because they were too small to come home . ( The hospital won 't release them if they are under 5 lbs . ) But you would never know looking at them today ! This was a tough challenge , but I managed surprisingly well ! Now maybe I can get some more of these pictures scrapped . Now it 's YOUR turn to take the THAT project Challenge . See all the details in October Challenge - below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge going on right now . See the Details below in Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Guest Design Team Member Irit submitted this layout for the October Challenge . She said , " I finally decided to do my THAT project . For me it was to use more that 2 - 3 photos on one single page so , I did a page from our Morocco vacation and used 6 photos cropped thin . It was also very challenging to use Basic grey Marakkesh kit of paper . This was a very big mistake to buy it at all . These are not my colors and it was to busy too , but yet I used it here . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Christy submitted this Frugal Friday Tip on how to stamp with found items . Stamping is something I would like to do more of . However , being on a limited budget means I can only add to my stamp collection slowly . I also like recycling , so I am always on the lookout for items that I can re - use . I buy glue sticks for my son in bulk . After he used up the last one , I realized that part of the packaging would be perfect for a background stamp . It had a black stand to which all of the sticks were attached . I used a little red paint , and stamped directly onto the paper . I love the effect it produced . Ink could also easily have been used with it . I splattered some red paint on the page as well . I also was able to use some leftovers on this page . I had some chipboard circles left over from a minibook project and some thin strips of papers from my DCWV green stack and Stampin up paper pack . For added effect , I used pens on these for a simple accent , though it 's a little hard to see in the photo . The simple pen borders give new life to old scraps . The colors I chose were based on the Tortuga rum cake sign . These are sold here in Nassau . I was recently in a challenge about scrapping local foods . I had never thought about that before . I realized it could be very important . Places change , even if we don 't move around a lot . My Dad still lives in the town where I grew up , but a lot of the favorite places we ate are out of business . On the flip side , it could just be nice to record a restaurant and see it recorded in our albums as a family tradition years later . Especially if it 's a place you and your family frequent . Anyhow , I am on a mission to scrapbook local treats and foods that we eat while living here . I just need to get DH on board so we can go eat some conch down at the fish fry . Local foods and family recipes have become one of my many projects to complete . They may take a little time , but I do also hope to scrap some of my grandmother 's recipes . I hope you 'll use this frugal tip and share it with us here at Scrap Our Stash . Just email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Do you have a frugal tip you 'd like to share . Send it along with a picture and description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be featured in an upcoming Frugal Friday Tips . Design Team Member Joni submitted this layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " Oh . . . . did I love that circle design on Christy 's pagerize layout . So , I pretty much stuck to the general design of her layout . . . I cut out the center of a die - cut circle and distressed it , tearing / crumpling / inking . I used ribbon and pleated it for the vertical piece . . . ( I used glue dots & brown staples to get it to stick ) . A few journal spots for embellies ( popped up ) & a couple stick pins I had sitting around I didn 't know what to do with ( they worked perfectly here ) . Some misting and this photo of Joseph a few weeks ago wearing his " real " cowboy hat . YEA ! ! I 'm really happy with how this turned out ! Design Team Member Christy submitted this layout for the October THAT Challenge . She said , " We all have them . . . projects that need to be finished . I personally have a list of them . I think that is because I take WAY too many photos . I just love photos though . . . so I refuse to stop . I love looking back on my son and my husband . . . enjoying all of the moments . Especially since , sometimes , little details slip my mind . So , here I sat , with all of my projects , trying to decide which was the one I was going to work on today . There is my wedding album , honeymoon album , the 2008 photos , current pictures ( because , I try to keep up ) , and childhood photos ( both from DH and I ) . I finally settled upon some photos from our trip to Vail in 2008 . DH was lucky enough to have to go to a conference there . This meant my son and I could tag along because hotel , rental car and DH 's expenses were covered . We were so excited ! I had seen snow , but never this much and this was my son 's first time . We were told how lucky we were . . . it usually doesn 't snow that much during the time of year we went . And here was this beautiful winter wonderland . My son was ecstatic ! I captured these photos our first evening out . I had bought a ton of different winter theme papers to scrap them , but in the end , I chose to let the beauty of the photos accent the papers . To keep it simple , I stitched across some Ms . Elizabeth 's stickers by hand . I did accent the photos with silver colorbox ink . I love the simple and elegant effect . I was inspired by a friend of mine ( Erika H ) and her " nature " layout over at Club CK . I am also happy to finally be using up the stash I bought to scrap these pages over 2 years ago ! So , now I 'm off to work on some more pages . . . Don 't forget to work on projects you need to complete and post them here at Scrap Our Stash ! See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge below . Posted by Design Team Member Libeeti submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " my layout fits both creteria - These photos were on my " to do " list for a very long time . I waited for a good sketch , a good muse , etc . So here it is . I also journaled a little more than I 'm used to . I also have some photos from our last trip to a very beautiful place , and I want to scrap them too ( also on my ' to do ' list . . . ) . I 'm not sure if I 'll make a lo or a mini album for them . If I get to make it this month , I 'll email it to you ( nobody said it 's not okay to enter twice , right ? LOL - Right - Kathy ) . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details for the October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge also going on right now . Details below . Design Team Member Amy submitted this layout for the October THAT Project Challenge . She said , " My THAT project is using a photo as a background . I 've always wanted to do one and finally got the push i needed to do the page ! I used scrapbookpictures . com to print my photo , 12x12 . This photo is of my son and father playing match box cars . Supplies : Photo : scrapbookpictures . com ; Paint : Making Memories ; Letters : American crafts ( green and orange ) , October Afternoon ( black ) ; Rub - Ons : Cosmo Cricket ; Ribbon : Cosmo Cricket and other ; Pin : Fancy Pants ; Tag : Tim Holtz ; Pen : Sakura ; Cardstock : Recollections . I wanted to document how my son always says " Papa ! Sit down ! Play cars ! " . I was able to make that my title in my negative space at the bottom . Next , i added hidden journaling , so i wouldn 't distract from the layout . Now it 's your turn to take the challenge . See all the details in October Challenge below . And don 't miss our Pagerize This Challenge # 3 - see the details below . Posted by accomplishment when I am finished , hopefully adding a lot to my yearly page goal . I also do not like to journal , never have . I added more than normal to this layout in a letter format . I have a HUGE stack of layouts that are started and not finished . This is the start of that pile . They should all come together quickly and it will be a great Design Team Member Malina submitted this single 12x12 layout design for the October challenge . She said , " I JUST finished after my son 's first day of school in 2009 . The paper purchased perhaps a year and a half ago in eager anticipation of that first day and those great photos were pushed into a project pack where it collected embellishments , cardstock paper , stickers , and photos and there it sat until 1 month AFTER his first day of pre - school for the second year . Maybe next year I will get around to scrapping this years first day of school . P . S . If you haven 't tried them yet , the title which was cut from another piece of paper was refaced with the new Glaze pens which provided some shine , texture , and a slight bit of height to the page . Easiest embossing I ever did : ) Now it 's your turn to take the Challenge . Just complete " THAT " Project for the October Challenge . Email a picture of your project along with a description to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . Your submission will be posted here at Scrap Our Stash and you could be chosen to be on the December Guest Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge . Also , don 't miss the Pagerize This Challenge - see all the details in the Pagerize This # 3 post below . Posted by All I can say is . . . . . WOWZERS ! ! ! ! Ladies you really knocked my socks off with your pagerize of my Rockin ' Surfer layout ! I must admit that this has been fun and not so fun . . . . Great fun to see all the awesome layouts and NOT so fun to have to choose only 1 winner . . . . So , I had a really tough time . . . I mean , really . . . did you guys see all those awesome layouts ( and an awesome card by Ren - Yi ! ! ) OK . . . so I guess I should just say that I 've been agonizing over my final choice for a couple days - - I wish I could PICK THEM ALL ! ! But I just couldn 't get passed how much I LOVE this layout . . . . so much like mine and yet sooooo different ! ! So simple and yet so elegant . Such a great story and great use of color . . . . . So without further ado . . . . . I pass along the Pagerize torch ( and it 's fun and not so fun moments . . . . ) to . . . . . Christy . . . with this awesome " Cup of Co " layout . . . . . Now before I leave . . . I wanted to mention a couple other things . . . First , Denise 's Sweet Layout is soooo cute , I just had to mention how close and difficult she made my decision . We 'll call this our Honorable Mention ! ! And . . . I have to mention that I asked my 7 yr old son , Joseph , to tell me his favorite . . . so I wanted to share his choice as well . . . . He loved Stacy 's Seeing Santa layout . Thanks Joni - You gave us all a great page to Pagerize ! Thanks to all who participated in the challenge . I hope you enjoyed the challenge . Once again , I was blown away by how everyone 's project was so like - but yet so different from the original . So now it 's Christy 's turn to post a project for us all to Pagerize . Christy 's Pagerize This Challenge will post on the 15th . Posted by Design Team Member Stacy submitted this layout for the October That Project Challenge . She said , " Here is " that " layout for me . A layout of my " Grumpy Old Man " who died last year . This is probably the hardest layout I have had to make . I loved this dog so much and when he died I just couldn 't even think about honoring his memory with a layout . It was just too hard . It has been a year since he died and I cried the whole time I was scrapping . So I guess it is still hard but doable now . If you aren 't a dog person like me , you will probably think I am being a little silly . But this dog was like my kid before I had kids . He was my " son " for 14 years . He was always grumpy even when he was a puppy and most people wouldn 't have even wanted him because of it . But he was lucky to get me because I had a hole in my heart and he filled it . He was loyal and protective and loved me too . Heck , I 'm crying while I type this . . . so lets get to the supplies . I used Basic Grey Max and Whiskers stuff that I won in a challenge and Sassafras Lass Alphas for the title work . I used a Sassafras Lass Stamp and a Basic Grey Stamp with some brown Ranger Archival ink . The great sketch is from Sketches in Thyme . So here is my " that " layout . . . . where is yours ? ? See all the details on how to submit your " That " Project in the October Challenge post below . Posted by Here is my feable attempt at " pagerizing " Joni . I loved the idea of using the white paint to soften an otherwise busy paper . But didn 't feel real successful . This is definately not what I was going for - although when I look at it now , I like it a little bit better than I did when I was working on it . In the future I plan to soften a paper that I have already chosen - trying to find the right paper to soften was crazy ! And I also plan to water the paint down and spread it further so it looks more like a wash . I actually stamped the title - which I don 't usually ( never ) do - but I was so not liking the page that I didn 't want to waste any more time on it by cutting a title and then having to glue it down . Joni 's is a great layout - mine is a cheap copy ! : D Don 't forget the Pagerize This Challenge ends tonight at midnight . See all the details in the Pagerize This Challenge below . Joni will be picking a winner from all the submissions - and the new Pagerizer will be announced on Friday , October 15th . I decided to scrap these pictures of my son and my grandma who passed away in Dec . 2008 . She passed away just a few days before Christmas unexpectedly . She was my last grandparent to pass away and was only able to see my son twice . After she passed away I knew I wanted to scrap the only two pictures I had of her and my son . I printed extra copies but just couldn 't get myself to scrap them , until now . Thank you Kathy for this challenge . I can look at these now and not get so sad about her being gone but be happy that she was able to hold my son ! ! I loved Joni 's layout and lifted most of it ! I haven 't used paint on a page in a long time so I tried that . I felt like it was a little messy but most got covered up ! Thank Joni for the inspiration ! Now it 's your turn - Submit your layout to scrappinpsycho @ live . com . You could be chosen to be a member of the December Design Team . See all the details below in October Challenge or Pagerize This Challenge . Posted by Here is Design Team member Libeeti 's take on Joni 's layout for the Pagerize This Challenge . She said , " From the fab lo Joni made , I took the theme of her ( mine . . . ) boy having fun at the seeside . I handcut the felt birdies and stamped the branch with acrylic paint ( I love the different effect acrylic paint gives to stamping ) . The title says in Hebrew : " Free Like a Bird " . I also used some glimmer mist , bandage colored with acrylic , and distressed the edges of the patterned paper . Thank you for the inspiration .
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That 's the question I asked my grandfather in his living room in early 2012 . For years , I had been fascinated by this secret society he had devoted his life to . I remember seeing the symbols all over his office as a child and it always made me star eyed and full of wonder as to what my grandfather knew and participated in . You see , just by asking , I had just become a mason as this is the custom bestowed from year and years of this secret society adopting members . He led me to his study and closed the door behind him , I took a seat and had butterflies in my stomach wondering what came next . Would he bring out a sword and knight me ? Would he pull a secret lever at his desk and the entire wall would turn , revealing a secret lair like Bruce Wayne 's Batcave ? Probably not , but I couldn 't help but feel excited as my grandfather was about to share with me all the answers to questions I had had growing up . In the car ride home , I started to sweat . What the hell did I just agree to ? I had always been vehemently against fraternities and the type of alpha male - forward thinking they promoted . Why would I want to waste my time being hazed when I could be playing Final Fantasy Tactics instead ? My sweating intensified as I started to realize that I had absolutely no idea what the hazing would be and / or what kind of commitment this was . A few weeks later the day had come , I put on a tie and dress shirt and my grandfather and uncle picked me up . I remember that car ride very distinctly as it was one of the last times I spent with my grandfather one on one . We joked and laughed and I felt connected to him in a way i had never before . After all , we were heading toward a temple of a secret society I was soon to join . We were " brothers " when before we were simply grandfather and grandson . This meant a great deal to me and I know it meant a great to him . The car ride back to the house was a bit different . I felt like I had just bitten off more than I could chew and the mood was … . heavier . There was a sense of responsibility now . We pulled up to my house and I said my goodbyes . The next day , the phone rang and it was a member of the Fraternal Order . He asked how I was doing and then told me that I was being assigned a mentor to help me memorize all of the information for the next ceremony . In order to continue in the program , I would have to do A LOT of memorization . I started to think about how my grandfather was a 32 Degree and how much he had memorized in his noggin . I also thought about how badly he wanted to be 33rd Degree but no matter how many donations he made or meetings he attended , he just couldn 't get there . A life dedicated to a fraternity and still unable to reach the highest pinnacle , this made me a bit sad to think about . Fast forward a few weeks and I was sitting in a strangers ' living room whom I had just met . We started memorizing passages from a book and I was reciting words that made little sense to me . Now , I 'm a horrid memorizer , it takes me FOREVER to remember just about anything . I 'm akin to Mr . Magoo in a 20 - something year old 's body . This was no different . The man kept repeating lines and I kept forgetting them . I continued this a few times over the course of a few months before I started getting more and more discouraged . I started to forget how important this was to my grandpa and focus more on other projects . At that moment my stomach dropped , I had completely forgotten about the Masons . I had chocked it up to a spur of the moment idea and had no intention of continuing . I loved being close with my grandpa but figured I had years to come back to it if I needed to . I mean , I was 25 , I had a whole lifetime to do it . I heard my grandpa shuffling in the background on the phone as I responded to my grandmother , " You know , I just don 't feel like this is the right time for me to join . I tried but man , it 's a lot of memorization and work has been super busy . " I still remember how I felt after saying that to her , I heard a slight silence almost as if she was shaking her head " no " to my grandfather and then I heard footsteps in the background as if he shuffled away disappointed in my answer . He wasn 't the kind of guy that would ever say he was upset , he hid his feelings as most men of his era do . They were the Greatest Generation but definitely not the greatest at expressing their emotions . As soon as I got the phone call , my entire life stopped . I rushed to the hospital and tried to be around family as much as possible . He spent the night there and returned home the next day . To add insult to injury , during his stay at the hospital overnight ; someone had broken into his house and robbed him of all of his gold , jewelry and more . There was no sign of forced break in so all I could think was that it was someone related to us . Tragedy does that , it brings the worse out in people and unfortunately , when he fell , someone only saw his belongings and how much they wanted them . It sickens me to this day . We got to spend one last Christmas with my grandpa . It was a surreal day sitting there watching my cousins open their presents and watching my grandpa every second I could . Noticing how his movements were getting slower , his laugh less lively and his eyes less intense . He was slowly fading from us in front of our very eyes . This man , this patriarch of not only his family but all of his kids ' families too ; was disappearing right in front of us . I got teary eyed more times than I could count on that day . I 'll never forget it . In early February , I got a call that hospice was coming . I had no idea what that meant but the phone call sounded serious so I made the hour trek out to his house to see him . I got there right when they were taking him inside . Everyone said it had been a long day of him talking and he was tired now , they said he was having a good day but when I got there I couldn 't have known it . He looked frail and weak . As I walked up to the patio , they were wheeling him inside , he waved and said , " Hi Rugger . " They then took him inside and laid him on a bed they had set up for him in the living room . That day was hard for me , I saw the love him and my grandmother shared expressed through hand holding and soft touches . I saw how meaningful and impactful his life was in the way that we all looked at him . I also remember him passing and there was a hole in the clouds behind the house and light shone in through the window ; his energy passing on to whatever journey is next for our mortal husks . It was sad but peaceful and I missed him immediately . I missed the way he would say my nickname , I missed the way he would always liven up any room oftentimes jumping on a scooter or doing something hilarious and I really missed his laugh ; it was infectious and sounded sort of like a Muppet character . Months of waiting and just like that , he was gone . However , a few weeks before he passed , he finally attained his 33rd Degree . You can could see in the photos how much that meant to him . However , looking at that photo the night after he passed , talking to my grandma about how they met and their life ; I suddenly remembered how I disappointed him in his final months by not taking the Masons seriously . This was his life 's dedication and I hadn 't followed through . Even though I thought I had a lifetime to do it , life just proved how fleeting it is ; a real slap to the face of my 20 - something mind thinking life lasts forever . I didn 't go to work for a few weeks after he passed , in fact I didn 't get off the couch for a few weeks . I would wake up every day , lay on the couch and only get up to eat or got to the bathroom . I was working two jobs at the time and I eventually lost both of them . I also stopped reaching out my friends . I had one friend left that I was in an art collective with . We made mashup prints and exhibited at local First Fridays in Downtown Vegas . It was fun but very un - introspective work that sold well and reasonably easy . One day this friend came over and looked around the house noticing things were in disarray and most of the windows were drawn closed . He also noticed that I had dryer sheets in the slider door screen and some of the window screens . He questioned this , asking , " Hey dude , what the hell is up with the dryer sheets ? " I didn 't respond at first , too focused on something else . He asked again and I responded , " I just … I need it to be clean in here … I need it to be purified . " I didn 't even know what it meant at the time , I look back and wonder if I was trying to purify the emotions I was going through and not dealing with or maybe I was just trying to not be sad anymore . Either way , that friend stopped coming around for a bit ; not knowing what I was going through . It 's hard to be friends with the " sad guy " who doesn 't know how to deal with his emotions . You see , I never really had a shot though . I come from a family that doesn 't deal with their troubles , but simply sweep them under a rug . A very conservative family that believes boys should be boys and girls should be girls . If you have mental health issues , just don 't talk about them and they 'll go away . This isn 't exactly a fruitful environment for figuring out you have depression and anxiety issues . I was the kid that would cry after his birthday because I would just think about the fact that i would never get to experience that day again . I would think that over and over again until my head hurt and it drove me to cry just to get the pressure out . It 's easy to confuse this behavior as simple sadness and tell your kid to " stop being sad " or to " get over it " but man , some empathy would have been nice . All of this led to the predicament I was currently in , I kept telling myself to get over it . I kept telling myself to stop being sad . However , nothing ever worked and I fell deeper and deeper into myself . Without friends calling anymore , without jobs and without purpose ; I felt lost and alone . One day I decided I wanted to do something creative . I had a beautiful piece of gold leaf paper in the garage that I had found the year before . It had an amazing sheen to it and I was excited to approach the canvas and work out some demons . So , I took it outside in an old frame and brought some paint out too . I remember starting to paint and looking down at the finished piece and it had a purple monster in the middle with words in red that said " FAILURE " and " Give Up " with scribbles all over . I dropped the frame as started crying finally realizing that this was it , I couldn 't continue doing this anymore . I needed a change . After that day , i started doing self portraits in watercolor every day as a way to cope . I started drawing little monsters that depicted how I was feeling ; something that made me feel like I was being productive . I then started sharing them to social media which made me feel like i was assimilating to society . One night I went to my drafting table , put on a movie and started doing self portraits again . I drew two eyes , a mouth with two pointy teeth , two horns and brown fuzzy fur . I creaked my neck back and stared at this painting for a good ten minutes . This was it ! This was exactly how I was feeling ; this little yeti fully encapsulated my depression . I decided that day to fully focus on this character after seeing how individuals online were responding to him . I then started leaving my house and going to a local coffee shop called Grouchy John 's to get back to normal . I would only spend an hour or so there , sitting with my headphones in and drawing or writing screenplays or doing ANYTHING creative to not focus on my life - crippling depression . A year later , I decided to print the original Yerman design on a shirt . I also shared my story of where the character came from to my blog and twitter . Individuals who had enjoyed this character had no idea where he had come form and instantly connected with the story . The first run of shirts sold out . So I printed more . Then I was contacted by Jed Foundation and Clinton Foundation and flew out to Brooklyn to work with The Moth at a storytellers event where I first publicly told my story in front of a crowd at Saatchi & Saatchi . This was when I decided I wanted to become a mental health advocate and help those that felt helpless . Since then , I 've been able to tell my story with organizations such as Creative Mornings and PeaceLove . I 've printed many more shirts with many more designs and the clothing is now sold on Zappos . com , 6pm and Amazon Fashion along with my own website , depressedmonsters . com . I 've also made a designer resin toy that premiered at DesignerCon last year . All of these things were dreams that I had when I first started drawing the character and I truly believe came to be from speaking them into existence because the mind is a VERY powerful muscle . Now , I 'm not saying I don 't still suffer from depression ; I do , very much so . I like to think it 's an ocean and depression hits like waves with some days being gentle and others becoming full blown storms . I didn 't have control of my ship back in 2012 , but after therapy sessions , I now have the necessary tools to guide the currents of this sea we call life . Depression doesn 't have to be an anchor sinking you deeper into the sea , you can control your ship . Filed Under : Personal , Yerman Tagged With : yermanInspire others to inspire others . August 12 , 2015 By Ryan Brunty Today I gave a motivational talk at The Smith Center to over 800 people . During that talk , I spoke about my personal mantra which is " Inspire others to inspire others . " This is especially important to me as it encapsulates everything that could go right in the world . If we were to inspire others to inspire others , it creates a notion of creativity and pushes the boundaries of wonderment . What a beautiful thing ! Filed Under : Personal Tagged With : inspire , inspire others to inspire othersYerman & Plastic Smiles and Their Use In The World of Psychotherapy July 27 , 2015 By Ryan Brunty If you 're reading this , you already know my story and how depression has impacted my artistic endeavors . If you haven 't , I wrote about Yerman and his genesis a few blog posts ago . I was contacted a few days ago from a mental health care giver who told me that not only was Yerman impacting people 's lives , but Plastic Smiles as well . I really can 't believe the impact these projects are having on people , I used to dream about this when I was going through my darkest times and now it 's a reality . My eyes well up when I think about what others are going through and how these characters can help . Thank you everyone for the warm reception and support . It means the world to me and I 'm glad my work can mean the world to others . Filed Under : Personal , Yerman Tagged With : plastic smiles , therapist , yermanYerman Now Being Utilized in Therapy Sessions ! May 28 , 2015 By Ryan Brunty When Jimi told me that he was utilizing Yerman in his therapy sessions , it was enough to make me cry . More recently however , I 've been getting texts from people telling me they 're drawing their own monsters to cope with their depression . It amazes me that this little dude can inspire in others what he 's inspired in me . I discussed this in a bit more detail on a podcast this week if you would like to listen : Filed Under : Art , Personal , Yerman Tagged With : podcast , yerman , Yerman the Sad Yeti # PLASTICSMILES : : What is it ? April 13 , 2015 By Ryan Brunty If you follow me on any social media network , I 'm sure you 've seen me post about # PLASTICSMILES . After a few people asking what this project is , it 's time to unveil a few images and speak about what the project is and how it came about . A few months ago I did a talk with The Moth sponsored by The Clinton Foundation & Jed Foundation . I was flown out to New York and took part in a two day workshop series that helped individuals craft their stories . I was joined by Jay Stolar , Starshell , Karina Pasian and many others that have been affected by depression . It was an amazing time of self - discovery and healing and by the end of the program , we had all shared a journey that couldn 't be replicated . It was absolutely amazing and once the footage is sent over , I 'll be sure to share . The day after the Moth talk , I was walking in the frigid New York streets and found respite in a Halloween shop while waiting for an Uber . While traversing the many wares , I found a mask in the basement that had been long forgotten . As soon as I saw it , I knew I wanted to do a photoshoot with it ; it was calling my name . As you can see in the picture above , it 's an oversized head of a mustachio - ed man with blue eyes and a head full of hair ; a very generic man 's mask that could easily identify as anyone . A very ambiguous representation that allows the wearer to portray emotions through arm movements and body language . I immediately fell in love with what I could do with this adornment . A few weeks later I was talking to my cousin , David Sivesind , and we planned a trip for him to come visit and shoot my band , MOONBOOTS ' , show at The Beauty Bar . Now , David is a prolific film photographer , his work primarily focuses on portraits shot in black and white , but he 's a true master at his craft . We discussed shooting all day Saturday with no real aim in mind , just get landscapes around Vegas mostly . Within the first hour of his arrival , the wheels were already in motion and I stopped dead in my tracks as I stared at the mask and the project came to life . I told him my idea and ( luckily ) he got it right away . For the next two days , we focused on shooting pictures day and night . We were up until 5am trying to portray the isolation and loneliness that occurs when one goes through depression ; the crippling sense of nothingness . The film carries the energy so well by adding darker tones and adding a graininess and blur that one with severe depression experiences . I couldn 't be happier or more excited about this project and I 'm so eager to share the images below . They turned out amazing there is so much happening behind the scenes . Full details on gallery , opening reception and more will be revealed in the coming weeks . I hope you can join us as we bring you PLASTIC SMILES . I love the new project and think it 's awesome David is working with you . Depression is a weird thing . You can look fine but no one really know how you feel . We all wear masks and I think actually using one will have much impact . Good luck Cuz and I 'm super proud of you .
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Thank you for this wonderful piece of love mail . We worked very hard on this project , and we 're so happy that you like it , and got some use out of it . We 're definitely glad that you 're not religious either , particularly religious regarding cults like the PMCC 4th Watch . Indeed , religion is one of the greatest causes of planetary suffering , and it needs to be eliminated . As for sex , we should enjoy it the way that we want to , be it with many partners before marriage , or only within a committed relationship . We should do whatever makes us happy as long as we don 't hurt others . And yes , we should all stand behind our friends and neighbors who want love and marriage equality , and so we 're glad to know that you support it . Thanks again ! Thank you so much for the email . We really appreciate the fact that you took the time to write a well thought - out letter , and share your testimony with us and our readers . It means a lot . What you have described sounds like typical 4th Watch behavior . They are a cult , and a business to the leaders , who only care about making money . But we find your experience to be rather special , since what you are describing is personal condemnation , and that is not acceptable at all . It is very sad to read how they treated you . Many persons dye their hair as a form of personal expression and / or taste , and we promote such use of freedom . We 're positive that you looked very nice with your new hair color , but regardless , for anyone to try to take that away from you out of some outrageous notion that it 's not proper , is ridiculous and pathetic . Be who you are . Dye your hair light brown if you want to . Dye your hair purple if you want to . There is no shame in having different colored hair . Of course , you probably already know this , but we want you to know that we support you . Now for an even bigger topic . . . as you have found out , the 4th Watchers are total bigots . They hate homosexuals , bisexuals , transsexuals , etc . You didn 't do anything wrong . In fact , you 're doing everything right . You revealed to the world your true sexual orientation . You told persons who you felt were your family . You 're choosing to love who you really love . These are all of the right things . They are the ones who are in the wrong . You are a bisexual ; that 's what you are . You didn 't want to hide , and so you revealed to the world your sexual orientation . The 4th Watch tries its best to give the illusion that they 're you 're family , and so you probably felt safe with telling them , but they are not your family . You want to love others in your own way , and that 's exactly what you are going to do . We applaud you for your bravery and expression . Know that while the PMCC 4th Watch doesn 't accept you for who you are , we here at the Watchers of the 4th Watch do , and we support you in your quest to find love , no matter what sex you are attracted to . There 's nothing wrong with homosexuality ! Nothing at all . Don 't you let anybody ever tell you that homosexuality , bisexuality , or anything like that is wrong . We understand about your sacrifices . Many of us made several sacrifices for the church as well , believing that they were our family and a force for good . You should take it as a life lesson , and move on . There are many persons and organizations out there that try to trick us and deceive us , and we learn by making mistakes . Now that you had a bad experience with this particular cult , perhaps you will be wiser the next time you encounter a similar people . We understand that you are still a believer in God , and that 's okay . Most of us are now atheists . Some of us became atheists after having bad experiences with the 4th Watch . Still , some of us are still Christians , but not 4th Watchers . It 's difficult for some of us to imagine how anyone could believe in God , but we are not here to judge anyone like that . Our main mission is to educate and save persons from the 4th Watch . Again , love yourself . There 's nothing wrong with bisexuality or coloring your hair . We support you in these things . Thank you again for sharing your testimony . Thank you for sharing this with us , Alice . Could you please give us some more details on this ? We 're curious , how were they allowed to do this if it was illegal ? We agree that they are evil . We would like to make sure that as many know about this as possible . Thank you . They are so judgemental , they insult every Christian denomination , even atheist . They ask money , they said if you dont give your tithe you will not get blessing . what is this ? you can buy blessings ? you gave a million bucks you will get a bath tub of blessings ? What a coincidence . I have once insulted their churcc and now I got scolded . They have almost brainwashed my classmate . Even I just went them a scaving e - mail . So sad they are on TV and thave a tax exempt status . His preaching is so distructive . It looked like the audience was very thin so that is encouraging . I watch all the nuts like the SBN Swaggart and the newly revived Baker , but this is local and I DO NOT LIKE it . Thanks for your web site . At least someone is watching them . I have time and would love to help spread the word on this crime on TV . Thank you so much for the kudos ! We have worked very hard to provide as much information about this cult as possible . We are very happy that you found it informative . And yes ; we will continue to expose the cult . as a member of cult watch in australar & new zealand cults distroy famillies it does harm to famillies all over the world . what a great web site . thank you for speaking out and and protecting philippeno famillies from this distuctive cult . i lost a son and my famillie to a cult sri chinmoy a guru from new york the sri chinmoy cult is also active in the philippines love the philippines and the people god bless regards brian humphries Thank you Brian so much for your compliment . We really put a lot of work in to this project to help as many persons as we possibly can . We also very sorry to hear about your son and family being lost to a cult . The dangers of cultic activity are very real and need to be taken seriously . Please let us know if the situation gets better with you and your family . Thank you for your supportive email and brief testimony . It is very important that we expose cults for what they are to the public . As for this particular cult , Arsenio Ferriol is nothing more than a scam - artist . Hopefully ; we can reach many persons and help them to stay away from him and his cult . I have been a 14 years member of this organization . 12 years of those , I am a deacon . I have been brainwashed and condition to follow blindly eventhough it was very hard and heavy burden in heart . I thank God when I went to the USA , I have been lead to a better service and truth . These are the things I have notice for the 12 years of my services ; 1 . They twist the meaning of the verse . ( mind you the only qoute a verse without telling you the backdrop and context of it ) They use it to benifit them . 4 . Everytime there 's a convetion gathering , Arsenio always testify how the property of the church is growing by acquiring land , constructions equipments , building , and buying businesses . ( hence most cult leader are business background ) 6 . They use the Pastor position to instill guilt and pressure you to give and to pledge . . particulary the director of USA PMCC 4th watch ( ptr . Jonatha Ferriol ) 10 . They also smuggled pastor and members to USA and using false look alike passport . 11 . According to the church auditor , she is scared because USA has audited them and found them in violation . . 1 . What qualifies an Apostle ? Remeber theres no loophole in the bible . . All Apostle that are called are confirmed my the Apostle and by the spirit of God thru the members . 2 . Proof of an Apostle ? Where , When these marks ? THANK YOU SO MUCH Sir / Mam for that very informative email . This is exactly the kind of thing that non - members and members alike need to see in order to be informed about the real truth behind the 4th Watch cult . We will definitely be making use of the information that you have given us . Thanks again ! Take care ! Hi John ; Thank you for the compliment . We appreciate and enjoy any words of support . Also ; thank you very much for the information . We would definitely like to add any new information that is important concerning the 4th Watch and cultic activity . Could you please give us some more details on this ? Once we obtain this new information , we would like to add it to our site . Thanks . In Jeddah Saudi Arabia , I have attended 4th watch prayer meetings 3 times and oh boy 3 times was enough for me in witnessing their manipulation and brainwashing . They all possess the basic rules in manipulation . If you are weak in mind and will , you will sure be a victim . 1st step - The invitation . When you agree to attend their prayer meeting , you will be chauferred . Someone actually comes to pick you up by car and bring you back home too . 2nd step - Warmth . They are sure nice and of course they are . They want you in their group . You will feel important and as if you have found the group to belong to . 3rd step - The food . They have excellent cooks . The choice of food is great and always the kind of dish that makes you feel at home . This is because they want you at home - - their home . 4th stage - The prayers . All is normally charismatic . So far , so good in the beginning . Until they come to a stage where they speak against other religions . The pope , mohammed , etc . . Any religion out there to them is a fake . They claim only they can be saved because theirs is the true religion and they speak this in absolute certainty . They have the apostle Arsenio Feriol which causes them to be the true religion . Arsenio Feriols by the way became an apostle when he had a dream that revealed to him he is an apostle appointed by Christ . This is a very convenient revelation . No one saw , no one heard , there is absolutely no proof . By the way , you have to have faith that this is true and if you didn 't have faith , you are the devil . 5th stage - The end of days . These people will frighten the soul out of you . They will brainwash you that the end of days is coming . No one can be saved except for members of the 4th watch which was founded and under the leadership of Arsenio Feriols . To be saved you have to be one of them and your family too . They claim they have the keys to the heavens . You see this is all so that you can find it in your logic that you need them . The weak in reason , intelligence , and logic usually succumb . 6th stage - The holy spirit ( daw ) . When they reach the point of praying to the holy spirit , for no reason they cry . Afterwards , I asked what happened back there ? They said that was the holy spirit who came upon them during prayers . I didn 't feel any . In fact , it was quite unpleasant when for no reason they started sobbing , then crying , and even men at stage had tears in their eyes falling . 7th Stage - Tithing . Correct if wrongly spelled but to them your faith is tested by your generosity to commit to the tithings . This is the act of giving 10 % of your income to the church which is sent to the account of Arsenio Ferriols . Mind you , this is all 60 , 000 of its members worldwide . Arsenio the thief hit a fortune when he figured OFWs are a better target than the one in the local churches in the Philippines . During the prayers , there is like 30 minutes minimum in stressing that you need to give to the church and that you need to fix 10 % of your income to the church . No one knows how Arsenio Ferriols uses his money but everyone is obliged to give . This portion of prayers is very firm and I have never seen other churches do this . They are close to pointing a knife at you to empty your purse and sign blank checks to the 4th watch . 8th stage - The act of conning . During the prayers , your name will be announced a number of times . That you are welcome , they love you , God bless you , etc . . . At its climax , you will be called up to the stage . Amidst eveyone 's cheering , praises , you being at the center of the stage have your moment and the minister up front will ask . . . . " I will baptize you and do you accept Christ in your life in 4th watch ? " . This is how you become a member . Is it easy to say no at this point ? Well , I resisted and I said no . The other 3 of those with me were taken to the toilet and baptized by water . They promised to attend the 4th watch meetings , support the group , bring the rest of their family to the religion , and of course . . . . the most important . . . . 10 % of their income in the name of God at Arsenio Ferriols pockets . Hello Christopher . Thank you so much for contacting us here at the PMCC 4th Watch Truth Project . This project is here to inform everyone about the cult that is the PMCC 4th Watch , and your email helps to support our message . In fact , your email was very informative , and all of us , being former 4th Watchers , have experienced and witnessed much of what you addressed in your mail . The more mail we receive from others like you , the more we know that we are doing the right thing by exposing the cult . We like how you organized their cultic ways into stages . That is how many of us felt when attending the church . We have never heard anybody from Saudi Arabia , so it was nice to hear a perspective from someone from that country . We have wondered how differently the cult might act in different countries . Anyways , we want to congratulate you on resisting them . We hope you have found a better church to attend . Viewing your mail , we can see that you 're obviously very upset with the 4th Watch and its founder Arsenio Ferriol . We like to call him " Arsehole Ferriol " . We hope that by giving us your testimony , you have released some of the pain and frustration they might have caused you . For several of us , our project has been a form of therapy , so it is our hope that we can help others who have been victimized by the 4th Watch cult to be helped from it too . Thank you again for contacting us , take care , and good luck ! I 'm all hands up , gotta say this site is very informative of the scam of this religious cult . You have no idea how much i love to have this kind of comprehensive site that exposes ang dating daan or mCoGi as a dangerous cult which I believe is more dangerous than PMCC 4th watch . Well , Ferriol doesn 't have a mansion according to there members but Eliseo Soriano have a 2 . 5 million dollars mansion in Brazil . He earns a lot of money from his members through concert tickets ( him as the singer ) worth 500 pesos to as much as 10 , 000 pesos . He organized events to shang - rila hotels which the entrance costs is 10 , 000 pesos each member then sell his relics at the event , the belt have was sold at 12 , 000 the turtle neck sweater at whooping 130 , 000 pesos . Well that 's just the tip of the iceberg . But they have similar approach to mind control and programming . Anyway great site and you have done humanity a great service . Thank you so much for your supportive mail and compliments . Yes , we agree that while the PMCC 4th Watch is bad , we 're sure there are several cults that are much worse . We would love to do a project for every cult there is , but the 4th Watch is the one in which we have experience with , and thus most passionate about . They are the ones who victimized us . But , we 've been thinking about setting up an area in this site where others can share stories and knowledge about the other cults . Hopefully , other victims from these cults will do what we did , and try to educate others , and try to prevent them from joining any of them . Thanks again . I 'm and ex 4th watcher , I was true believer at one stage preaching in public , leading the youth group and all that . Until I attended the 21st " International " convention , I must admit at first , it was great meeting new people from other countries , after a few days I noticed some strange things . When I was their I witnessed cruelty towards the construction workers building the ATF complex , they are not paid , they slept on the floor , on card board sheets as beds , when I would walk past the area they were in their was horrible smells . I asked a 4th Watch Pastor about it , and they told me , Oh they work for God , and are willing too , so they are brainwashed to believe their hard work will be rewarded in Heaven . Now that was one thing that gave me a suspicion , next day I was reading the Bible , and another friend of mine who also had suspicions , had a KJV , and we also noticed that while singing praise and worship songs , they would constantly remove the word , Trinity , and Godhead , or anything to do with that teaching . My friend , then quickly noticed and asked a Pastor , Why does 4th Watch erase the words Godhead , and Trinity from the worship songs ? . . and the Pastor replied " In the 4th Watch we believe that the Father is God , and the Son is God , seperate beings , but together in unity , ONE ! PLURAL ! , but the Holy Spirit is power we have inside us that God gave us to encourage us to have the faith , and do His will " . . And then I stated to the Pastor . . " Well that must mean we believe in two Gods , if the Father and Son are seperate beings ? . . " and he replied " Well the word Trinity , dosnt exist in the Bible , so if its not in the bible it isnt true right ? " so after that , my friend and I went for a walk , and he stopped , and said the Trinity is written in the bible but under the name Godhead ! " and he quickly flicked through the bible and pointed in Romans 1 : 20 , that states the name " Godhead " then he said to me " Godhead is another word for trinity , so if they dont teach the Trinity then its not the true church " . I mentioned it to other members , the only response I would get is ignorance , with a smile , some said Im loosing my faith , and some had an open mind . Then I got a call from my girlfriend , who asked if I wanted to attend her church called Hislife City Church , and I accepted . The night before the convention finished . . My Pastor walked over to me , and stated these exact words " You must not attend your girlfriends church , you must not " and I asked why ? . . and she replied " Because they are not Gods true Church , they will brainwash you into believing false teachings , only believe the Apostle , because he is sent by God , and he speaks truth . So dont let your girlfriend 's friend 's teach you false beliefs and teachings " . I laughed at her and said , for a pastor you shouldnt be judging those who work with you in serving God . . by the way she didnt feel very holy in my opinion . . I always got an nevrous feel about her , and she looked more crazy . I also remember while at convention , Mr . Ferriol would sit on a gold throne with his wife , His bishops who I think a couple of them are his brothers , also site on smaller gold thrones beside him , and even his son ! Jonothan Ferriol , sits on one of these Thrones . While the followers sit on hard wooden seats , and on concrete slabs in the stands . On the last day of the convention there was a ceremony , and we were gathered on to many buses to drive us to Luneta Park , from their we had to walk in the heat to the stadium , wait for about an hour , for Mr . Ferriol to enter , and enter he did , inside a whit luxury Lexus SUV , with himself dressed in his white suit , and his wife also dressed in white . When that happened two Pastors from another church , saw this and shook their heads in disbelief , when Mr . Ferriol walked on stage a huge roar from the followers irrupted . He is kind of a Rock Star . Also at the Convention we slept on nice suites but hard beds , we got up early for practise one morning , and we were standing out the back of the ATF arena , and I believe I saw the bishops arriving , in luxury SVU 's with security guards by their side , I didnt see Mr . Ferriol , but I wouldnt be surprised if he was staying in a luxury suite , specially made for him , because while I was attending seminars , learning on how to debate the opposition and win . Mr . Ferriol , would be looking up at the crowd with binoculars , when he would get up , he would have doors opened for him always . First off , we want to thank you very much for contacting us and sharing with us your story and thoughts about the 4th Watch . We are doing our best to expose the truth about the 4th Watch to the public , and we are always looking for ex - 4th Watchers to provide their personal experiences with this particular cult . We are going to go through your email that you sent us and respond to the points that you talk about . All of us involved in this project were also 4th Watch members . The head of our group was a strong believer in God when joining the church , and at first believed that the church was legit , and that they were a true church of God . He didn 't know at the time that he had joined a cult , and thus didn 't know the terrible mistake that he made . You mentioned how you felt it was great meeting new persons and such , and we know where you 're coming from . Some of us , even after realizing the mistake we made in joining the church , continued to attend the church because it was difficult to leave , as we enjoyed many of the activities and had made many friends . But like you also said , we all began to notice " strange things " . For the head of our project , the church was trying to teach him immoral things , and they portrayed a very odd presence , such as trying to force him to cry when he sang and prayed . They wouldn 't take no for an answer when telling him to go to church at least three times a week . Perhaps the most annoying , was their relentless bullying on giving them money . They were trying to get him to tithe when he didn 't even have a job ! He would get a dirty look every time the " donation " bag passed him by without him putting any money into it . Anyways , there were plenty of things about the church for all of us that made us think twice about why we were there . In the 4th Watch , tithing and recruiting new members is more of a focus than salvation . This is a main issue within the 4th Watch reputation . Moving along . . . We made clear in our project about how the Apostle takes in money from his members but does not pay his employees or workers . We also knew that there were pastors without homes , and lived in the churches ; but we have not yet heard about the cruelty that you mentioned within the ATF complex , but it doesn 't surprise us . Thank you for bringing this to our attention . This is very valuable information that will help educate the public about what goes on in the 4th Watch . Now , about the Trinity . It is true that the 4th Watch rejects that teaching ; and your thoughts concerning that teaching are correct . We remember our pastors teaching us that the Father and Son are seperate persons . In our case though , the Holy Spirit was also considered an individual , not just a " power inside us " . But regardless , this does indeed mean that the 4th Watch believes in more than one god . However , they know that Christianity is supposed to be monotheistic , and believing in more than one god would seem too cultic . Our project head once asked his 4th Watch pastor about this , and he explained it by saying that the Father and such are all different persons , but that the " nature " of God is one . The truth is , they see God as only an idea or concept , made up by three different gods . There 's just no way to rationally say otherwise . We talk about this in our deityship article under their beliefs . When several of us left the church , we pleaded with our friends and family to leave with us , and to find a better church . Some of them did , thank goodness , but some stayed behind in the cult , unfortunately . It is good that you had someone to help take you out of there and into a better church and overall a safer place . No cult is a good environment for anybody , so it is good that you were able to leave . Some of us also had friends and family trying to get us to go , and in some cases , our pastors also warned us about visiting any other church or doing a Bible study with any other group . The head producer of our project , before understanding that the 4th Watch believed that they were the only true church , attended the 4th Watch while also attending a weekly Bible study with a totally different group of persons ; non - 4th Watchers . When his pastor found out , he warned him about doing that . the pastor said that they do not know the correct teachings . And when this member expressed disgust for the cult , the pastor blamed this group of persons for taking his faith away . Now we would also like to address your comments about Arsenio Ferriol and his extravagent behavior . We have made it very clear in our website that Arsenio Ferriol is a wealthy man , who basically steals from his followers , while invoking praise that he clearly enjoys . We cannot confirm how much money he has or how luxurious his lifestyle is , but we have 4th Watchers contact us and tell us that he has no mansion or fancy car , and that he lives in a less than luxurious home . However , one of our members did tell us that she has seen for herself his mansion and fancy cars in the Philippines . We can 't confirm this , but knowing what we know about him , and reading your message about his Lexus and " gold " throne , along with everything else , it is very difficult to believe that he is anything but rich and living that way . Oh , and we couldn 't agree with you more about him acting like a rock star . That 's how it is for many cult leaders . Even if he wasn 't rich , it is clear that he enjoys victimizing others to obtain false glory . When we did leave the 4th Watch , we watched as the friends that we made there faded away from us , until they were friends of ours no more . The cult consumed them . It is so sad to know that we were once one big family , and because now that we are no longer members of the 4th Watch , that we are no longer their friends ; But you are right ; the cult discourages friendships outside the 4th Watch . We are sorry that you had to experience such a time in the 4th watch cult , but it looks like you came out as a stronger person , so good for you ! You are a good example for other 4th Watchers to follow . And again , thank you so much for your email . We can 't tell you how much valuable information you have given us . We are going to use parts of this email to coincide with several points we make within our project about the cult . But we would also like to publish your story on our site . We would like to display your email in our " love mail " area ( You 'll be the first to do this , as we don 't get much love mail ) , and we will add this to our personal experiences area too . Is this okay ? Please let us know if you do not wish for us to publish your email . We also want to thank you for your compliments . Most of what we hear comes from angry 4th Watchers who like to ridicule and threaten us . It really made us happy to receive your email . It 's always so nice to know that someone took the time to let somebody know that they 're doing a good job . So thank you . And yes , we are doing our best to reach out to others to help anyone stay out of cultic organizations like the 4th Watch . Now , with all of that said , we would like to address one additional thing . If you reviewed much of our project , you have no doubt noticed that while we are specifically against the PMCC 4th Watch cult , the project is against Christianity and most religion in general . In the beginning , our group consisted of mostly Christians with some atheists , the head producer of the project being one of the atheists . Even though we had our disagreements , we did agree that the 4th Watch was in any case , an unhealthy and dangerous cult . After the project was officially launched , our membership now mostly consists of atheists who maintain the site . We bring this up because we know you are a Christian , and we don 't want our disagreements to cause any friction between us . So while you are a Christian and might not agree with us on many of our points , at least we can agree on the fact that the PMCC 4th Watch is not a true church , but an unusual and dangerous cult . The main thing that we ask is that everyone stays away from the 4th Watch and other churches like it . Hopefully , our project has helped anyone viewing it to understand what a cult is and why the 4th Watch needs to be avoided . We always say that if you are going to belong to a religion , at least stay away from the cults and any other bad religion . Don 't let your religion control you and cause you to do bad things , and to be bad persons . There are many good persons out there who consider themselves to be Christians . In fact , the head producer and atheist of our project knows many of them . What we want in the world is for everyone to get along and to promote a moral society . With that said , we are very happy that you were smart enough to get out of the 4th Watch , and as a Christian , found a better church . We wish you happiness and success with your new church . While we are generally atheistic about our project , we greatly welcome any positive feedback from both non - believers and Christians . Such feedback from atheists is valuable to us for obvious reasons ; But we are very happy that a Christian also shared with us their negative experiences with the 4th Watch . We would like to hear more from Christians like you , because persons like you set a good example for other Christians . You were smart enough to question what you were being taught , and in the end , made the right decision to escape a cultic environment , while not sacrificing your Christian beliefs and principles by finding a new church and making new Christian friends . Wow I feel so great to know everything you have told me . . I always felt like I was the only one . . also I forgot to mention , When my pastor asked me to attend the convention last year , firstly I said no , but they would manipulate you so cleverly , that you couldnt say no . . for example . . when I said no , the pastor used her 3 year old daughter ! as leverage , saying " Oh come to the convention , she misses you and wants to see you , she keeps asking where you are ! , and the other pastors want to meet you also " . . Her knowing that I loved her little daughter like she was my own , I thought about the child . . so they were also good at manipulation , also I was told its for God think of God first and blah blah . . so I forgot to mention that . Also with Arsenio Ferriol , I knew that he was rich straight away , he kept reminding people like emphasizing that he has " no money " that the money he " handles " all goes towards the church , which i kind of believed also , because they build so many churches around the world . . so SOME of it goes to the church , Also every convention at the beginning they tele up the funds they have collected through out the year and compare it to last year . . and what they made was over $ 5 million US . . i think im not 100 % sure . And also at the conventions they teach their bible school students how to debate against other churches and other cults for eg . Seven Day Eventists , Iglesia Ni Cristo , Jehovahs Witnesses , Mormans , and Trinity teachings . And they would also continue to bombard their students with Apostleship , and defending the Apostle . . and teaching that in the Bible it mentions more Apostles and such . . Also they make their Bible School students who are to become missionaries , to raise their right hands and make an oath to the Apostle and the 4th Watch with their lives or something , and they would do this in tagalog . . so im not sure what they were saying but it looked like they were making an Oath . and about the trinity , yes monothiesm , but I have been taught that there is a difference in being and person , being is what someone is , person is who someone is . . and with God , he is one BEING , but three who 's , so i guess you could say He has a mutli personality disorder or something , just to make some humor . But that is what i have been taught , God is one in BEING , but three in Person 's , and inside that Being of light is three person . . Makes sence to me anyways . I asked 4th Watch once . . how many thrones in Heaven ? . . three or one ? . . they answered with TWO . . for the Father and Son . . and I answered . . well then their TWO Gods . . not ONE GOD . . and they ignorantly just said no and started talking about another topic . . One of our members who of course was a 4th Watcher , had a related experience within the cult , but which was even more dramatic . . . and heart - breaking . Cults often go to great lengths to keep you in their grasp , and to do this , they want you to be engaged in as many church activities as possible and of course to have the best impression of the church as you can . When someone is new to the cult , or if someone is beginning to distance theirself from the church , or when they question the teachings or express doubt , the cult executes an operation in which a " false friendship " is imposed on this particular person . This is what happened to one of our members . This person was constantly being pushed into going to church several times a week and attending their Bible studies . At first , he was doing just that . Eventually though , he got sick of doing this . He wanted to worship God , but he also was trying to live his life . He wanted to worship God , and prayed to him , and told him he loved him everyday , but he felt that this love which he had for God would not be any less if he didn 't go to church everyday . He felt that he could show even more love to God by living the life which God gave to him as a gift in the first place . This particular member was interested in volunteering in charities , and church activities were interfering . Eventually this person stopped going to church all the time , and instead only attended the church on Sunday . After some time , the pastor was beginning to show frustration that he was no longer attending as much anymore . He also heard through the gossip of members , that he was not agreeing with all of the teachings . One day at a gathering with many of the church members , an elder of the church sat down next to this person and started talking to him . She was very nice . They didn 't talk about church , just life in general . They had some things in common , and they became really good friends . He didn 't have very many friends , and so he was very welcoming to this friendship . As time went by , this new friend would encourage our member to " go with her " to church . Sometimes she would ask him to come to a Bible study , and he would refuse , but then she would tell him how much it would mean to her if he came , so he would go . In fact , when the church needed volunteers for several projects for such occasions like the church anniversary , she would be asked to head these projects , and our member of course would help her . Over time , because this friendship was so strong , everyone in the church started their gossiping again , and several persons believed that they were a " couple " . She started to get closer to him , and they would talk about personal issues , even tell each other secrets about themselves . Our member also expressed some doubts about the church 's teachings . After a while , our member no longer could believe that the 4th Watch was a true church ; but he had a difficult time leaving because he enjoyed spending time with the persons there , especially this close friend . One day however , he had enough . Several events eventually led up to him finally making the decision to leave . One example of these events is when the pastor told our member that one of his best friends was a bad person because she was not in the " correct " church . Our member went off on the pastor , and that pretty much ended the relationship with the church . But when our member left , he expected to still be friends with everyone in the church ; but this would be far from true . The woman who was his good friend in the church would call him and ask him to come back to church , but he would refuse . Instead , he asked to see her like any normal friend would , to hang out together like normal friends . Well , one day she told him that she didn 't want to hang out , that the only reason she kept asking him to go to church was because she was under orders from the pastor to keep inviting him . Our member was crushed . He found out that all this time , this woman who befriended him was used by the pastor to keep him from leaving the church . The whole thing was a manufactured friendship , using deceit and playing with emotions , all for the wicked intentions of the cult . All this time , she was working on him to be his friend , so that she could keep him going to church events and participating in activities . Also , the whole time they were friends , he would tell her personal things about himself , and his doubts about the church , and she would report this information back to the pastor . She was a spy . Later on , he would find out after leaving the church that she was telling other members things which he told her that were never meant to be told to others . All this time he believed she was his friend , and after he left , not only did she stop talking to him , but she was now mocking him . As mentioned , this is a tactic among cults , and unfortunately , is one of the more hurtful ones . A tactic like this shows just how truly predatory the 4th Watch can be . As for your comment on how the pastor was telling you how other pastors want to meet you , this is yet another tactic to keep you within their cultic grip . Of course , it 's a lie , but it works . It makes you feel wanted , even important , and you don 't want to let anybody down . One of our members had a similar experience , though it was not with the 4th Watch , but a network marketing company , in which a person was trying to recruit him . The woman trying to recruit him was telling him how nice it would be for him to talk to her boss , and that she would try to get him on the phone to talk to him . When she got him , she acted surprise , as if he was usually " too busy " . And after talking to him , he would say how smart he was and how they need to meet because there could be some " real opportunities " involved . In reality , the " boss " was simply waiting for her to call , and the whole meeting was nothing but a setup to make it easier to recruit a new person into their company . Anyways , like in your case , your emotions were being preyed upon , by making you believe you were " important " to these pastors who wanted to meet you , and because you are a naturally compassionate person , you didn 't want to let any of them down , especially the 3 year - old girl . Children are a powerful tool for persuasion when used on compassionate persons . It is unfortunate that cults like the 4th Watch play with persons ' emotions for their selfish purposes , and it is one of the leading causes for ex - members to truly feel victimized . Anyway , sorry to make that comment so long , but it 's a very real and very heart - breaking reality of the 4th Watch cult . We have no doubt that pastors , when they are trained to be pastors , are taught to employ these tactics on their members . Pastors are taught they are saving souls , so preying on emotions are justified . We 're interested to learn more about what you said about 4th Watch missionaries making an oath to Arsenio . It 's good that persons like you are letting us know about these things so that we can further investigate them and report them when we uncover the truth . Any future information that you learn about them would be very much welcomed by us . Thank you for letting us publish your story . We will be doing that shortly . We already used some of your comments to expand on some of the points we make in the project . It has been very helpful . We also thank your for not only letting us post your story , but for including your name ( assuming it 's your real name ) . This is because in our project , everything we do is meant to educate the public , and it is important to us that our information is accurate and comes from real persons . By reading your story and knowing who it comes from , this helps to build our credibility for both 4th Watchers and those who might possibly become their victims . We are happy to hear your thoughts about our differences in religions . Like we said , some of us are Christians and some are atheists . The head producer of our project became a devout Christian after joining the 4th Watch , and they practically turned him into a complete atheist shortly before leaving . While attending the 4th Watch though , he attended a Bible study every week with a different group separate from the 4th Watch . Through these Bible studies , he actually learned quite a bit about Jesus , and even though he is an atheist , Jesus remains a favorite inspiring person to him . You also bring up a good point . We mentioned in our project where we talk about the followers of the 4th Watch , that while it is easy to hate them , we have to remember that many of them are victims too . The 4th Watch , like all cults , consist of professional psychological programmers which brainwash na � ve and trusting persons , and they often go after such persons in times of vulnerability when they are most easy to manipulate . Also , many of these 4th Watchers were born in the cult , raised in the cult , and grew up on their cultic teachings . These persons rarely stand a chance . We have to remember this . Admittedly , it is easy to forget , and we should probably emphasize these thoughts ; But the truth is , we sincerely care for these persons , and we hope that they leave the 4th Watch and find new churches , and to seek exit counseling if necessary . Sometimes we wonder if we do any good , and if we should keep trying , but then we think of the children who we left behind in the cult , and we are reminded as to why we keep the project going . Another thing I found weird was the number of filipino people , they are wonderful people , but why only filipino ? . . Since im from Australia , I always thought they target homesick filipino people . . and use them for recruitment , in saying " We are also filipinos , you will feel at home with us if you come here " plus . . I heard a story from the bereans , that the reason why Mr . Ferriol , started his own church was because he was in a church with Americans , and that they would always be above him and teach him things he didnt believe personally or " understand " . . and he started his own church , and labelled himself as an Apostle , studied Apostleship having no higher authority , so they must believe him and only him , so i think to myself sometimes he , is very controlling or very power hungry , and wants to be his own authority above everyone else . . thats what i heard why he started his own church anyways . . again from my friend when we had our " alone time " . . I hope that helps also . . Sorry to hear about your " friend " in the church . Just real quick , we also mention in our project how the 4th Watch is almost exclusively Filipino . We use this fact as a way to show everyone that Arsenio is not a true apostle . Think about it . If he really is the true teacher of the true church , then 95 % of all persons in Heaven are going to be Filipino . Is God racist ? If he truly is the " Sent One " from God , then surely he 'd be able to unite all races and nationalities into the true church of Christ ; But he hasn 't done this . In fact , he has done nothing to prove his apostleship . Hey , thats what i said to my old pastor . . they say only those in the 4th Watch will be saved . . then i would say well the God must be bias , or hypocritical , because he says whoever believs in him and is baptized will be saved . . so it gets confusing but i know they are loosing it . . Yeah i heard that also that he was a ex member of four square church , which kind of has a familiar number to his current church . . 4 , 4th . . well he tells the story of how he became an apostle to the followers , he also calls himself the " Goodman of the house " which is parable which Jesus told his deciples , " if the good man of the house knows what time the theif is coming , he would keep watch " now when arsenio says this he emphasizes the word " WATCH " and he believes this is not a parable but a prediction of himself . Thank you for your email . We will be placing this in our testimony section . If this is true , you are a good friend and we thank you . Cults have a history of abuse , and it is not suprising that a cult like the 4th Watch would have its own share of abuse . This is truly heart - breaking and we hope to keep in contact with you so that we might be able to help in any way we can . We fear that this will not be the only email we receive that describes child abuse from parents who are members of the PMCC 4th Watch cult . But if anyone ever wonders why we are committed to this project , this is the reason . We want to sincerely thank you for the concern you have for your friend , and for submitting this testimony . We have to stand up to the cult , and not let them ruin anymore lives . If we continue to get more stories like this , we might have to consider taking legal action , or at least conduct a thorough investigation into this matter .
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Our office is in a giant suite on the 12th floor . There are lawyers , artchitects , accountants , insurance people , all other kinds of businesses up here , each in their own little room . There are four of us in here , a twenty - by - twenty room with surge suppressors snaking from the walls and more computers than there are occupants . While the sign on the door doesn 't make it clear , word has gotten around : this is the room where the geeks live . Hi , this is Aaron Brown for CNN , and I 'm here , live , at St . John 's Hospital in Santa Monica , California , where crowds have gathered in a vigil for former President Ronald Reagan , who died early this afternoon . With me is Ed Gillespe , chairman of the RNC . Sad day , isn 't it , Ed ? . . . nor the living ! For the next month , people will think of Ronald Reagan , or St . Ron as we like to call him - we 're working on getting him beatified in the next few days - and they 'll think back with fond memories of his strong leadership , his clear communication , his vision , and then they 'll transfer all of their affection to George W . Bush . The President can only benefit from St . Ron 's passing . You bet your sweet boots we are , Aaron . Oh , we 'll be subtle about it : we 'll have a tribute at the convention , we 'll have lots of speeches while he lies in state in the Capitol , we 'll work on getting him either on the dime or the ten - dollar bill . I mean , who was a greater leader ? St . Ron or FDR ? And , Alexander Hamilton ? Since when do we put Treasury Secretaries on money ? Can you even remember who our current Secretary of the Treasury is ? Of course you can 't . But you remember Ronald Reagan , right ? Right ? So , sad day , but it 's nothing but good news for us . Especially since our current strategy of highlighting George W . Bush 's leadership qualities haven 't been doing that well for us . We plan on riding his funeral bier all the back to the White House . Hell , why not create the Reagan Monument and have his preserved body lie there for future generations to enjoy ? Lord , grant me time . Not a lot , not eternity , but a spare thirty - six minutes a day would be great . If you add thirty - six minutes to the day in a manner that doesn 't screw up the time - space continuum or the Earth 's gravity or the way monarch butterflies migrate , I 'd appreciate it . I would spend that extra thirty - six minutes in a way that would make you proud . Thirty - six minutes a day would let me water and weed the entire garden . Thirty - six minutes of running would keep me healthy and sexy ( and if my body is a temple meant to worship You , then how can we go wrong with adding a little more to the temple 's maintenance schedule ? ) , and thirty - six minutes of biking would allow me to ride my bike without freaking out about being late to work . If I had an extra thirty - six minutes a day , I could give my girl backrubs when she wakes up and when she goes to sleep , which would make her happy , and her happiness would make other people happy , and so on and so on . Thirty - six minutes would allow all of us to do more cool stuff . Heck , we could even sleep for an extra thirty - six minutes , and we 'd all be in a better mood . I think we could take care of the problems of International Terrorism , World Hunger and General Misery if we were more well - rested and could think clearer . So , how ' bout it ? Thirty - six minutes . That 's all . And , in return , I will erase thirty - six minutes of programming from my TiVo 's Season Pass list . You know what ? I 'll double , no , triple that . I won 't blow through one hundred eight minutes of tv . Whaddaya say ? I 'd think that title would say it all , but just in case , here it is again : please , please , PLEASE let me turn off the autocomplete function in Address Book . I know it 's just trying to be helpful , but it 's a royal pain in the ass . An amazing hemorrhoid of a pain , the kind that would allow a proctologist to write the kind of paper that would earn him accolades amongst his colleagues . I am sick and tired of trying to type " CA " for the state and having Address Book give me " Ca " instead . I have to type it and click on another field immediately , or else I go about doing the Dance Of The Address Fields all day . I expect this kind of unhelpful " helpfulness " from Microsoft and their thrice - damned Office Assistants ; I shouldn 't be getting it from Apple . Tell Steve Jobs that until this is fixed I will publicly denounce him as a fraud and a wanker ; " Insanely Great " software does not make me tear out my hair in unsightly patches . Love and kisses , - A . I think great Presidents , I think of the Roosevelts and Lincoln . I think of guiding us through wars where our nation was at stake , I think of enacting programs that helped bring about that whole " promote the general welfare " thing that no one seems to remember . I think about Reagan , and all that comes to mind is Iran - Contra and being scared out of my mind that the world was going to be burnt to a nuclear crisp . So , what is it ? What did he do ? Why do people insist on naming airports and courthouses and state highways after him ? Write me at REAGAN at GIRO dot ORG . I 'll put your answers up here if I get any . Spelling and grammar count . I really dig the Pogues , and I really dig Shane McGowan . Or , rather , I dig recordings of them all back in the early 80s before heroin and booze did all kinds of bad things to the band and Shane in particular . I hate it when my favorite artists turn into poster children for Public Service Announcements , but , after looking at this recent picture of Shane , I want to do nothing but floss and brush my teeth for the rest of the day . Kids , if you 're going to do drugs , at least make sure you keep up with the oral hygene . You know , I read stuff like this ( scroll down to the part about Prince Bandar ) , and I get mad . That anger deflates after a few seconds because I can 't work up the energy to be indignant any more . Rummy and Cheney showed a foreigner , one whose government supports terrorists , one who 's a bigger problem to us than Saddam Hussein , showed him the plans for the Iraq War , and for what ? We get rid of someone who was a pain in Saudi Arabia 's ass , and they House of Saud will make sure gas prices are lowered in order to get the economy humming along in order to ensure that Bush gets re - elected . I read that , and I get angry , and then the anger leaves , all because I 've gotten so angry over one thing over another ( Mission Accomplished ! Sharon 's plan is the right one ! Global gag rule ! Clear Skies ! Healthy Forests ! Good news from the Malabar Front ! ) that I 'm all out of anger . I have anger bonking . I have hit the anger wall . Inertia is the life - taker . It saps the soul , drains energy , dulls the sharp . Inertia is the pathetic excuse for the death of every dream . It destroys by erosion . Inertia is a killer , and it can only be stopped when I get up and move . No , collect is the wrong word . Collect implies that the stuff you 've got has some kind of value . Gather sounds like I 'm getting ready for a snowy winter by stockpiling nuts and grains . And stockpile is better suited for weapons and ammo than nuts , tchochkes or computer parts . I 'm not asking for much , really . I 'm happy with the talent I 've got , with the inspiration , with the instruction . It 's just the schedule that 's a killer . I just want my two hours a morning . That 's all . Just two hours . So , I have to make the time ? I have to give something up ? Fine . I give up the TiVo . I give up reruns of The West Wing and Futurama . I get my lunch hour and my dose of The Daily Show , right ? Okay , just checking . Two hours until I 'm done , then I print it out and hide it in a drawer to let it mellow for six weeks . In the meantime , I start the next thing . I finish a couple shorts . While those are aging , I edit the first thing , I beat it into shape , I shop it around . I edit the shorts . I shop those around . I will do it . I will make a sale by the end of 2004 . I will . I will . I will . I feel bad that I 'm not giving this little page the love it needs , but I know it understand . I 've been busy . I 've been writing elsewhere . This space was supposed to be my little spot for warming up before doing the heavy lifting . And working on a novel is some heavy goddamn lifting . How Stephen King does it , I 'll never know . But I know this spot is also good for laying Googlebombs , as pointless as they are . And , after last night 's Daily Show , I have a new one for you . Robert Novak : Douchebag for Liberty . Let the trolls win . Let the snarky columnist who doesn 't like it when you point out he 's a hack win . Let them all think they 've had the last word because , at the end of the day , they 're left with their tiny kingdoms , their senses of smug self - satisfaction , and the knowledge that they can wank themselves into a daze over their cleverness and superiority . Well , I did a little more than that . I drove with four other people , three from SoCal , one from North Carolina , all over a chunk of Ankeny . We were assigned two parts of a precinct ; we barely finished half of one . It 's not a matter of inexperience or lack of skills . It 's just too damn cold to think . Our high today was about 8 , but the wind chill took that down to thirty below really , fucking cold . It was the coldest I 've ever been in my life . So cold it hurt . The inside of my head froze every time I breathed through my scarf . It cut through my layers , making impossible to think . I was really in mood to knock on doors and ask people if they were going to caucus . Hell , * I * wouldn 't go unless there was some way I could get from house to car to caucus site without ever having to expose myself to the wind . The problem is that Iowa has no windbreaks . It 's just flat from one end to the other . Yes , there may be some gentle , rolling hills , but all that does is give the wind something to play with as it blasts down from the Arctic . I think the wind goes just a bit faster because it knows it 's not going to run into any trees , and the ones it does find are barren of leaves and pose no threat . There was that attitude of " get to it " the minute I got off the plane . I walked off the plane , onto the tarmac , into the terminal and right up to the guy holding the Dean For America sign . Michael , who looked like he was 21 and probably was , led me to the shuttle . We roared off to downtown Des Moines , where Dean staffers had taken over two adjacent buildings on Locust Street . Kerry 's HQ was two blocks west ; Edwards ' was two north . Gephardt 's was in West Des Moines . No idea about Kucinich , though he enters the picture later . A canvas works like this : you 're given a list of registered Democrats in an area , and you go to as many of them as possible , asking if they 're planning on to going to caucus and who they 're planning on supporting . The idea is to identify those people who are Dean supporters and to make it as easy as possible for them to get to caucus . You offer them rides , tell them about child care , pass on literature about how the caucus works , everything short of bribing them to trudge out into the cold . These people are sheer gold to a campaign , and you court them until caucus is done . You also find out who 's going for someone else and how firm they lean . Say you talk to someone who says he likes Dean and Kerry and isn 't quite sure which one he 'll support . If you think this guy will be receptive to a pitch , you give it . You find out what he likes about Kerry , what concerns him , and then you point out that , no , Dean feels the same way about national defense , Dean 's got a stronger position on healthcare , Dean much prefers milk chocolate over dark ( though that last one may be a stretch ) . If you can sell , you do . If , however , you talk with someone who doesn 't seem like they 're gonna tilt back , you thank them for your time and move on . It 's more productive to find ten supporters than to convert one voter , or so we 've been told again and again . Canvassers need to move , need to mark off their data , need to get it back to HQ . Bam . Knock on the door , talk with the people , drop some lit , leave a door hanger saying where their caucus will be held , move on . Repeat until out of addresses or energy or both . So , let 's set the scene : I leap out of the shuttle , tired but charged up , and into the volunteer HQ . We called ourselves the Iowa Perfect Storm , the idea being that Dean 's message plus all of us converging on Iowa would create a perfect storm of support . We volunteers were called Storm Chasers , and after checking in were given a wrist band that gave us clearence to wander HQ , a credential that gave us permission to look at each other 's chests when we 'd forgotten everyone 's names , and bright orange watch caps that made us look like traffic cones . It was a hell of a sight to see a room full of orange caps , all warming up over coffee and donuts . There were also people running around in yellow and red caps . Yellow was for staffers and interns , the people who ran the show but were still unpaid volunteers . The red caps were the paid staffers , the press secretaries , the communications people . We immediately forgot names and focused on the colors : if you had a problem , you found a yellow cap or were told to talk to a yellow . If you saw a red , which was rare , you usually asked how things were going . All of us oranges milled around until the yellows herded newcomers into training . If you 'd come on your own , like I had , you just asked people to join their canvass group . A team would form around whomever had a car or who had checked out a van for the day . Someone would navigate and divvy up the walk sheets , the lists of voters whom we 'd be canvassing . By pure luck , I hooked up with a group from California . By even weirder luck , I 'd met two of them before . Mark was at an organizing meeting I 'd gone to at UCLA , and Carol was someone I 'd called back in December about precinct work in Santa Monica . With them was Rosie , whose husband was head of the California Trial Lawyers Association , and therefore an Edwards fundraiser . Rosie couldn 't give money , but she figured she could come to Iowa . Last in our group was Phoebe , who was actually from North Carolina but had glommed on with us after training . Mark had the car , so we got our walk sheets , a mountain of lit , and we headed out into the biting wind . Ankeny is a middle - class bedroom community north of Des Moines . It 's the kind of place where retired machinists and young insurance people live . I had a feeling these weren 't our people , and that suspicion was confirmed as we drove the neighborhood and saw a smattering of Edwards signs . Nothing for Gephardt , a handful of Kerry signs , and one or two Dean signs . This was not going to be a good day , and it didn 't help that the wind had picked up and threatened to tear our faces off . We sorted through the sheets and split them up among the two parts of the precinct we 'd be walking . We tried our best to organize them , but were stymied by imperfect maps . The southern and central parts of our map were the older parts of the precinct , and all the streets were lined up in a grid . The northern part was much newer , probably built in the 90s . The lots were big , which meant a lot of space between houses , and the streets meandered , which meant we didn 't know where the hell a lot of places were . Streets would be cut off by people 's yards , making it difficult to canvass an entire street . And the wind had not abated . We started hitting the houses , and we found our gut feelings were right : people were now going to be supporting Edwards and Kerry over Dean . The previous few weeks had seen a lot of attack ads between Dean and Gephardt , and they 'd turned voters off from both camps . Edwards had taken the high route , publicly pledging to stay positive and only focus on his message , not cut down the other guys . Kerry had been able to take the high road , too , as some of Dean 's ads were not only cutting into Gephartd , but into Kerry and Edwards as well . We left a lot of door hangers . We marked down a lot of sheets as not going or not leaning . We talked with some very kind people who weren 't going to come to our side , but were impressed that we were out in the cold . One guy was downright pleasant as he said , no , he 's going for Edwards , but he likes Dean all right , even though his union had told him to go with Gephardt , but it 'd still be Edwards . We thanked him for his time and hit the next house . After three hours of this , we were tired and hungry and cold , Even Phoebe , who lived near the Great Smoky Mountains and was actually born and raised in Iowa and was used to this kind of weather , admitted it was bad outside . We went to a nearby Village Inn , a local version of Denny 's , and ordered up chile and pie . We stood out in our orange hats and Deanaphrenalia , and got some mild hostility from the other customers . No one spit on us , but I could hear conversation die down at the tables near ours as we sat and shed our coats . We were strangers from some freaky place that wasn 't Iowa , and we weren 't welcome . We looked over our map , and saw we 'd only covered a quarter of the precinct . The sun was going to go down in a few hours , and , even though HQ said to stay out until 8pm or we were out of houses , we knew that we 'd be done by sunset . It 's one thing to knock on doors from late morning til late afternoon ; it 's another to interrupt someone 's dinner . We figured the better thing to do would be to find houses where there were a bunch of Democrats , rather than hit the ones that were singles or mixed with independents . Most of those houses were in the southern part of the district , so we paid our tab and headed off , but not without making a stop at the Hy - Vee first . Rosie had been very clear that she would not be able to last without brandy in her system , and asked the waiter where we could procure some booze . The Hy - Vee , a local grocery chain , would do the trick . We sped over , Rosie lept out , and came back with her treasure a few minutes later . I prayed we wouldn 't get pulled over and get nailed for an open container , and Mark 's tendency to park underneath NO PARKING signs and swerve to the other side of the street wouldn 't help . Our luck didn 't pick up on the south side . We found more people who weren 't home , more who weren 't going , more who weren 't going to support Dean . Morale was sinking , too , until we drove past one house that had a Dean sign on the lawn . As we parked to go over our next street , the owner of the house came outside and waved and cheered . We leapt out of the car to say hi , and we pulled out cameras to get shots of us with our new friend around his lawn sign . He said he was glad to see us , that he was going to caucus and bringing family and friends . We thanked him for freezing with us and hustled back to the car , marking down houses that had Gephardt and Edwards signs in front . By now the sun was down , so we decided to call it a day . We looked at our work ; we 'd hit a quarter of the two hundred pages HQ had given us . The picture those pages painted was not a good one : Dean was not going to do well in Ankeny . We sped back to HQ and dumped off our walk sheets and leftover lit . The yellow hat behind the counter said that there was phone banking going on next door and that they needed bodies . I , however , was too damn tired to interrupt someone 's dinner . I needed some of my own . I also had to get my housing sorted out ; I was supposed to be staying at a winterized scout camp outside of Ames , but the first yellow hat I talked with that morning said , " We 'll have a shuttle for you at the end of the day . Get out and canvass . " Now the yellows were saying , " No , we should have shipped you to Ames first and had you canvass out there . " I was ready to say that unless they had a time machine , that wouldn 't do me much good , but the yellow hat vanished to answer someone else 's question . I was starting to find one of the problems with our organization : too many privates , too green sergeants , and not enough captains and majors . It was like going into battle with a command staff who 'd just gone through basic with the regular grunts , had a few extra classes , and were told to lead the troops . I finally found a yellow hat who told me what I needed to hear : " Go and get dinner , then come back and we 'll switch your housing to someplace near here . " I was shocked and surprised to hear that . I 'd expect nothing but chop houses . " Hell , yes , " I answered . " I could use some pho right now . " So , here I am in LAX . I 've hijacked the last two plugs in the terminal , and I 'm being cornered by a small , Aussie child who 's fascinated by my laptop . " Lachlan ! " his dad keeps calling , and Lachlan sprawls on the floor , contrite as all get out . They have a 12 and a half hour flight , but they get to end up in Brisbane . They say it 's going to be nice and warm . I believe them . Des Moines is thirty below cold right now , and I don 't think all the long underwear in the world is gonna help . My route goes from home to Detroit , where I 'll have a three hour layover before hopping on a puddle jumper to Des Moines . i won 't lie to you that I 'm having all kinds of Buddy Holly images right now . It 's bad travel mojo to think about that stuff , but all I know about flying in small planes in the Midwest in winter is a bad , bad idea . Of course , people do it all the time , which makes me feel that much worse . The Law of Conservation of Ream says that if things go right most of the time , you 'll have some bad shit rain down on you soon enough . The picture from the newspapers is one of a three - way tie between Dean , Kerry and Gephardt with Edwards expected to do really well . He 's kept out of the dogfight that 's been going on between the first three , hasn 't gone negative , hasn 't done anything different than his hard - working , youthful Senator with great hair and a charming accent bit . I was shocked to read a report that said Edwards was 50 . He still looks too goddamn young to shave , let alone run for President . Dean won 't be in Iowa tomorrow . He 'll be down in Georgia , hitting the pews with Jimmy Carter . I first thought this was a brilliant move , a way to recharge while having a photo op with a beloved Democrat . Now I 'm starting to think the smart thing would 've been to talk with Carter after Iowa and New Hampshire , to stay out and keep pounding the pavement and getting the voice and the message out there . Of course , it could be that the brains in HQ know something I don 't know . There 's talk of the polls being inaccurate because there 's no way for pollsters to contact potential caucus goers on their cell phones . Dean 's counting on getting a lot of new people to caucus , and I 'll probably be one of the poor shlubs whose job it is to go to the pizza parlors , grab all the eighteen - year - olds by the collar and haul them off to caucus . I keep thinking the best line to take with kids is one of rebellion . " Piss off your parents : vote for Dean ! " I expect to see it all over MTV and Teen People , but we all know that teenage rebellion means rejecting not only your parents ' values , but everyone 's values . Not voting is weak , as far as rebelling goes . Everybody already doesn 't vote , if you look at the turnout numbers . No , the best thing to do is vote for someone who is a complete and utter loon . All of the Washington kids should have banded together to vote for Vermin Supreme in the DC primary . * That * would 've sent a message . " We 're taking our right to vote and * really * abusing it . Haha ! " Maybe there 's an army of college and high school Deaniacs who are going to flood the caucus , thereby crushing Gephardt 's union machine , Kerry 's veterans , and Edwards ' flocks of little old ladies who think he 's just the * cutest * thing ever . Who knows ? Not me . I 'm not one of the Bright Minds of Journalism . I 'm just a guy who 'll be going door - to - door to identify voters and convince ' em to go out on a freezing cold night to argue candidates with their neighbors . Here 's how the caucus works . All the Democrats within a precinct go to their caucus site , which could be anywhere from someone 's living room to a gym to a bar . When everyone shows up , the convener does a headcount and some quick back - of - the - envelope calculations . He needs to figure out what part of the room makes up fifteen percent . That 's the magic number . The convener then asks everyone to show who they 're supporting . This could be done by having everyone gather in a different part of the room , depending on the candidate . Dean guys in this corner , Kerry guys over here , Gephardt supporters by the credenza . The convener then checks each group . If any of them do not have at least fifteen percent of the total bodies present , their candidate is no longer viable , and he 's out . This is when it gets interesting . Now everyone who has a viable candidate can go and beg the various nonviable people to join their side . The newly uncommitted people go to various camps , and they do the headcount thing again . This goes on for about two to three hours , when I think everyone finally calls it quits out of sheer desperation . I don 't know if anyone can use out - and - out bribery , or they 're just limited to good ol ' cajoling . I 'm also not sure how it all ends , if the point is to get the majority of voters in a precinct or just a good sized chunk of them . I 'll have to ask one of the other volunteers , preferably someone who hasn 't answered questions about procedure for the past month . I 'm sure everyone who was excited about coming to Iowa is simply praying for the goddamn thing to end . I know that 's how I usually feel at the end of the primaries . It 's also the same feeling I have after a triathlon : I 'm exhausted , sore , ready to throw up and want nothing more than to eat six burritos and go to sleep for a week . Then I wake up and want to go out and do it all over again . Everyone is raising the rah - rah level to new heights . Edwards was on NPR today talking about how his supporters have knocked on 100 , 000 doors , and how tomorrow they 're going to knock on another 50 , 000 . The Dean blog said something about hitting 35 , 000 doors today . I don 't know if Edwards was using some kind of politician math or telling the truth . I didn 't think he had enough people to go that kind of legwork . I 'm pretty sure we do . While our machine may not be as finely - tuned as Gephardt 's ( he 's using UAW and Teamsters to canvass and do Get Out The Vote work , and if there 's anyone who knows organization and persuasion , it 'd be those two unions ) , we may just swamp everyone with sheer numbers . I keep reading Dean has between 3 , 500 and 5 , 000 people coming to Iowa this weekend alone . I know we had to send for more rental cars in Nebraska ' cause all of the ones in Iowa are taken . Really . Earlier this week , a trainload of Deaniacs left Emeryville , CA for Des Moines . As the train approached Omaha , Nebraska , one of them got a phone call from HQ : " Could you guys get off the train and drive the rest of the way ? We 're out of cars , and the closest ones we could find were in Omaha . Would you mind caravanning them out here ? " If there is anything Dean supporters dig , it 's an insane idea like that . Off the train they went , into the freezing Nebraska morning , to meet with a few Deaniacs who 'd driven out from Iowa earlier that morning . Insane . And one of the many reasons why I dig this campaign . You think I 'd come to Iowa if I didn 't think the people sitting around me would be half - mad ? Earlier this evening , as Anne and I were washing dishes , I said I hope this would be worth it . The primaries , as I 'm learning , aren 't just about winning votes ; it 's about how many you * think * you 'll win . Dean can go on to win both Iowa and New Hampshire , but unless he wins by a healthy margin , he 's going to get killed . Yes , there is a practical number of how many delegates he 'll win to the convention , but it 's also a matter of setting the tone for the rest of the primaries . If we completely crush everyone in Iowa , and then do the same in New Hampshire , it lends credence to the perception that Dean is the anointed front - runner , sent by the gods to go forth and kick the bejeezus out of George Bush . If he wins by a hair , it 's going to be an ugly fight because everyone else will think they 've got a shot at the title . While I may have a grasp on the rules of the game , I still have no idea what kind of a spread will mean victory or defeat . Ten points ? Twenty ? Thirty ? Everyone says politics is a game , but I think it 's more go than Starcraft . I mean , it 's a step up from LAX , where there 's no WiFi at all . But , oy ! I 'm only going to be here for two hours , guys ! I just wanna file this puppy and take a nap ! CNN 's on overhead . Edwards and Kerry have their sound bites , while the story 's on Gephardt and Dean pulling their attack ads . Just thinking about something I read the other day : the press has ripped into Dean , not because they don 't like him ( though plenty of columnists have said the press * does * hate his guts . Truth , or self - fullfilling prophecy ? ) , but because they want a better story to file . I can dig that . How thrilling is it to write the same headline ( " Front Runner Stomps The Hell Out of Everyone Else " ) over and over again ? They want Kerry to be the Comeback Kid . They want Edwards to be the Young Man Who Could . Or , rather , I think they want them to be the Second Comings of JFK and Bill Clinton . The Senator from Massachusetts and the Young Man from the South . One other detail about this airport : the tunnel between concourse A and concourses B and C makes me wish I did drugs . Rather than have the usual boring corridor of tile mosaic that was out of fashion when Nixon was in the White House ( for the first time , as Veep ) , the walls are decorated with acid - etched glass panels that are back lit with multi - colored lights . The lights flash in and out in time with music . It feels like a Disney ride that 's been transplanted out of 1963 . It 's also a hell of a thing to experience after spending five hours of fitful sleep in a 737 . The music , which I think is meant to be chipper and exciting , portending the adventure and travel that awaits the weary traveller in the next concourses , it sounds ominous . No , make that Ominous . It is Ominous music , the kind that says your captain will be Terry Gilliam , and he 's going to take you on a trip through the sets of Brazil and Time Bandits that even * he * thought were too weird for the screen . It 's just not the kind of thing one needs at 6 in the morning when there 's still a long way to go . I suppose the closest I get to freak status these days is by wearing a kilt or a sarong , but I can think of a few Scotsmen and Balinese who 'd take offense to that . Besides , kilts and sarongs are so comfy . What can be more American than wanting to wear comfortable clothing ? One of the guys in the office brought in a few boxes of U - Turn energy bars . At first , I thought he was trying to give us a healthy alternative to wasabi peas . Now I think he 's trying to kill us . The first hint should have been the label that said " Designer Protein Whey . " Right off the bat , I know that 's code for " This will taste like crap , but you 're trying to be a health freak , so you won 't care . This bar could be made of recycled French politicians , but you 'd eat it anyway if the label said it was healthy . Fool . " It 's not the initial bite that blows , but the aftertaste . It is awful . It is sicky sweet vile , and now it 's stuck to my teeth like some kind of napalm for my taste buds : sticky flavor action that never goes away ! Gad . This is , of course , no one 's fault but my own . I could 've made an AB & J , I could 've brought fruit , hell , I could 've run to Taco Hell for a packet of hot sauce , but no . I had to be cheap and eat the free samples . Let 's hope the flavor will be gone by dinner time . Yes , I take it personally . How in hell can I not ? How can I think about a group of people who have lied to me , said they don 't care if people poison my water and air for profit , said they don 't care about making the world better , said that I 'm a traitor and un - American for opposing them . . . how can I not take it personally ? I really thought there 'd be this Big Brass Band moment when I asked Anne to marry me . I thought there 'd be explosions of light and choirs of angels belting out Handel 's Greatest Hits . I thought there 'd be this great moment when my entire point of view shifted in some way . If there was anything that made me weep for American manhood , it was those goddamn Spawn action figures that cropped up in every game geek 's cubicle over the past five or six years . Yes , they were pretty , and they were cool , but action figures are meant to be hauled outside , thrown around the sand box and melted with magnifying glasses . They are meant to be played with , not to be desk sculpture . When you are in your twenties , you should be out drinking beer , reciting poetry , and chasing girls . You should not be spending your hard - earned money on toys that do nothing but sit there . ( I got no problem with adults buying toys . In fact , I 'm all for it . Being an adult means you have more money and can blow it on toys that do possibly dangerous things . Plus , you can pay for health insurance . ) I had plenty of junk on my desks , but I think having Legos sitting around is quite different from having Medieval Spawn Variant Number Six perched on top of your monitor . My opinion of these chunks of plastic and their creator , Todd McFarlane , hasn 't gotten much better . If anything , MacFarlane Toys ' product line has gone from Slightly Weird to Sweet Baby Jebus Call The Men With The Straightjackets Now . Take a look at their website ( no , I 'm not going to give ' em a link ; they have enough traffic already ) and hunt around for the Twisted World of OZ line of action figures , and tell me the designers aren 't in need of some serious counseling . Put the sculpting tools down , Todd , and step back . I started my own work as precinct leader by making 60 cold calls on Sunday to Dean people who said they 'd like to be volunteers . Most weren 't home , some said they couldn 't commit to anything until after the New Year , and the rest were stoked about hitting the streets . That made it worthwhile . The more I read Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ' 72 , the more I 'm convinced that this precinct work is gonna pay off . McGovern ( ooo , there I go , bringing up that forbidden name from the past , ooo ) won key states with an army of volunteers making phone calls and knocking on doors and leaving literature behind . This shit makes a difference , as cornball as it seems . The difference between ' 72 and ' 03 is that we have better tools for organizing data . In ' 72 , they had to use hand - written index cards to record supporting votes ; today , we got the magic of MySQL ( and , yes , Sam , I 'm pronouncing it the right way now ) . Project for Whistler down - time : building a web interface and MySQL backbone for precinct work or just looking to see if there 's already something out there . This will be better than sending Excel spreadsheets back and forth . Jebus . The tough part is keeping heart and mind in balance . Pure intellect can hash through any problem , but it needs the warmth of heart to make that solution humane . The fire of passion can get people off their cans , but it takes the cool light of mind to give that passion focus . I 've made progress , and I 've fallen behind . I 've learned some things and forgotten others . I 've been in despair and see signs of hope . I 'm at the bottom of the gutter and I 'm looking up at the stars . Tonight I am done with contemplating the awful could - be and begin planning the wondrous will - be . Anger is hope turned on its ear . The possibilities are limitless as long as I remember where to start . One foot in front of the next , one pedal stroke after another , one carve after another gets me down the mountain so I can do it all over again . There 's no second turn on this ride , baby ; I need to do it all on this run , and this run only . Look out tomorrow ; I 'm going to meet you with a full stomach and an open heart . Went to see Warren Miller 's Journey last night . Woof . It 's snowporn , plain and simple , and I walked away feeling amped about this season . I know I 'll never be a boarder of the same caliber as the people in that movie , but you know what ? That 's okay . I get as much juice out of a perfect S - turn as these guys do riding down sheer mountain faces in the Alps . Snow is snow , and I 'm stoked . I think it 's about time I came out and said something important , something that will delight some , anger others , and inspire marked indifference in the rest : I 've become a volunteer for Howard Dean . I 've organized a house party , I 'm working on a big ass fundraising bike ride , I 'm gonna apply to be a delegate for the convention ( Hey , Sean ! You got couch space in July ? ) , and , God help me , I 'm going to Iowa to work the caucus . 1 ) I dug his anti - war stance . I 've been pissed about the war in Iraq from the get - go , and I 've gotten more angry the more I 've read about PNAC and the way Defense shafted State 's plans to rebuild the country . No , President Dean isn 't going to yank our armed forces home . We can 't do that now , as it would create a real terrorist threat ( as opposed to the bullshit Al - Qaida / Saddam Hussein link that the Bush Administration touted , then backpedalled from ) . We 're now in there for the long haul . However , President Dean wouldn 't go and do something as stupid as invade Iraq when we 're busy doing something real to end terrorism . 2 ) His campaign isn 't just about winning the nomination or the White House ; it 's about winning back the House and the Senate and all others kinds of offices around the country . Not only does the campaign have vision , it 's got legs : over 500 , 000 people have signed up , and it 's gonna hit 2 , 000 , 000 . The campaign just feels like it 's run right . 3 ) The man 's got the onions to take on George Bush and send his wannabe - cowboy ass back to Texas . Yes , he 's the angry little man from Vermont , but you know what ? It 's about goddamn time someone got angry and decided it 's time to fight rather than be an equivocating wank . ( Yes , I know Clark and Kerry could be good guys , but Clark 's shot himself in the foot by taking public financing , and Kerry . . . I hate to sound shallow , but he just ain 't doing it for me . What 's his message ? What 's he got to say ? Yes , he 's a smart , caring guy , but if there 's anything I 've learned from the party in power it 's that there 's a time for principle and a time for pragmatism . Dean is the pragmatic solution , and he 's one that I feel good about voting for . ) No , it 's not sewn up , despite what the punditocracy says . It 's gonna be a long year , and I 'm gonna do all I can to make sure Dean takes Iowa , then California , then the nomination , then the White House , then the country . Anger is just hope that 's waiting for focus . I 'm angry , and I 'm hopeful , and , baby , I 'm going to Iowa . I have a new phone . It takes pictures . Pictures like the ones on the top of this page . I think I may have to up my data limits pretty soon ; this phone is fun . Jewelry merchants and car salesmen share the same circle of Hell . There , they wear pinkie rings that blind them and smoke endless Camel Lites that burn their lungs while swilling down coffee that 's made from the tears of customers they 've ripped off . They are tormented by the wails of frustrated people who just want a simple answer on how much their wares costs . They are beaten with their pocket calculators and those pieces of paper that show the various options for payment . And then , when they go to the cafeteria there in their circle of Hell , they are forced to negociate for their sustenance and are stymied at every turn , until their patience wears thin and they leave to go back to their cells where the whole process begins again . That day , unfortunately , will never come , so I will have to make do as best I can , which isn 't all that well , actually . I can ride my bike and take the bus , but damned if I can figure out a substitute for the jewelry . I 'm afraid I will have to give in . The galling thing is that while I know I 'm getting ripped off , I have no idea how much I 'm getting ripped off . More days than not , I feel hopeful . It 's a light , airy feeling , one that carries me through the day . It 's like spring sunlight , or bread that 's just come out of the oven . It 's energizing , a feeling that I can go on forever . ( I do wonder if this means I 'm ready to talk to my doctor about whatever the latest mood - enhancing meds that are being advertised in those dippy commercials . I hope not . I don 't even like taking NyQuil . ) I 've noticed the way these moods are reflected in the quality and quantity of my writing . I know that if I get angry about something ( and we 're talking just simmering anger , not you - killed - my - family - and - dishonored - a - Shaolin - temple blinding fury ) , I tend to be prolific . Same goes when I 'm happy ( though not oh - sweet - mystery - of - life - at - last - I - found - you happy ) . It 's not all good , but I hit my targets more times than not . My housemate has a substance abuse problem : every month or so , he goes to Best Buy and comes home with around 0 worth of DVDs . Normally , I wouldn 't mind , since he 's very non - discriminating in his tastes ( which is why all five seasons of Friends , plus the " Best Of " sets , are sitting on the rack next to my Rollins and anime . Jebus ) , but sometimes he gets stuff that 's really , really good . He 's brought home Buffy , The Simpsons , Band of Brothers , and best of all , The Sopranos . Or , rather , worst of all . See , the problem is that Michel brings home this good stuff , and I 'm compelled to watch it , all of it , all at one throw . I come home from work , make dinner , and proceed to watch four or five hours of television . Granted , it 's really , really good television , but there 's no denying that my ass is on the couch rather than in my desk chair or my reading chair or just plain off the couch and off at the track . It 's excellent stuff , and I 'm drawn to it , like a Seattlite to a triple latte with soy milk . I know I have a problem , and , dammit , I don 't want to fix it . I have no problem with you reading this page . Hell , I 'm glad you do , if only so you know I 'm alive and typing and not buried under a pile of PowerBar wrappers in the middle of my living room while The Sopranos plays on infinite repeat . It saves on stress . See , there 's this uptight Senator from Pennsylvania who 's , how you say , tolerance challenged . He wants to keep gay people from having equal rights under the law . He wants to keep women from getting access to safe , legal abortions . He doesn 't like contraception . He 's one of those scarily religious people who also happens to be a federal lawmaker for the party in power . So , while I can go and fight him by donating to NARAL and Planned Parenthood and by making sure he and his party are thrown to the curb like the un - American swine they are , I also need to blow off a little steam . I need to create some mischief . I need , to paraphrase Eric Stratton , rush chairman of Lamba Tau Chi , to go out and commit a stupid and futile gesture . So , I 'm doing that by putting up the links at the bottom of the page . By doing so , I hope to make it so that every time someone types in the name of this frightening creep , the page to which these links go will pop up at the top of the list , rather than his web page in the Senate . I hope to link his name with something that is gross , disgusting , and absolutely purile . While it 's not something obscene , like , say , pictures of Madam Esmerelda & Her Multi - Talented Armadillos , it 's still pretty nasty . I know you 're a tough woman , but , really , you don 't need to click on the links . Tomorrow I 'll go back to misusing punctuation and misspelling words , as per usual . Yes , I know you guys need to protect your investments . I know you 're scared out of your minds about losing money with DVD piracy . I can appreciate that . But do you have to punish me ? Why aren 't you going after the big pirates instead of making life hell for little guys like me ? Lemme explain : Jamie wanted to use clips from " The Matrix " for the Tri Club year - end video . You know , make a little movie with Tri Clubbers talking with Morpheus and Neo , that kind of thing . With iMovie , it would 've been a snap . Only problem was getting raw footage . We tried hooking up Jamie 's DV camera to the DVD player , but we kept getting a signal that said " COPY INHIBIT . " Whether the devices were able to talk to each other , or if the DVD was sending out a signal in its decoded info , I don 't know . All I know is that it was frustrating as hell . So , okay . We don 't need really sharp footage ; we just need footage . How about making a videotape of the DVD , and then a DV tape of the VHS tape ? Well , that doesn 't work either . The signal was scrambled . It wouldn 't decode . So , you know what that left us with ? Piracy . We had to scour Limewire to find a ripped version of " The Matrix . " We had to break the law to get at something we 'd paid for , something that was certainly within the bounds of fair use , something that would 've been shown to our club and never resold . I don 't give a stony rat 's ass what you say ; I paid for that DVD legally , and that means I should be able to use what 's on it . Instead , you 've gone and broken my devices . You 've pissed off a customer . And now you 're going to get away with the Broadcast Flag . You 're going to cripple my hard drives and computers to make sure I can 't go and copy something I 've bought . You know what ? Fuck you . Your right to protect your investments does not trump my right to geek . Keep your hands off my boxen ! P . S . And , oi , Apple ! Fix your damned Quicktime player , wouldja ? I should be able to play anything on my machine , right out of the box . I 'm not paying for QT Pro until you make sure it can play AVIs , MPGs , DVXs , everything . So , same for your horse , too . On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month , everyone who 'd been busy shooting and bombing and generally trying to make each other 's lives miserable would put down their guns , step away from the cannons , and just stop . The War To End All Wars would be over . Armistice . I like that idea , that this was the day to remember when our species made a conscious effort to knock off the business of killing each other . It didn 't last , of course . The world wound up marching back to war in the 30s , into the 40s , 50s , 60s , 70s , 80s , 90s and into the 21st Century . ( I 'm pretty sure there was some shooting going on in the 20s , too , but I 'm not sure the War On Alcohol counts . ) My country has been killing people for a good long time , and I doubt it 'll stop anytime soon . I don 't like war , but I know that there are times when it 's justified . I would 've signed up in WWII . I 'm pretty sure most of my friends would 've . Part of me wishes we could be more ridiculous in the ways nations settle their differences . I wish we could just play paintball . Or Twister . Or have a bake - off . Or , better yet , just send our governments to fight in our place . We 'll stay at home while Bush and Saddam go chase each other around a desert island . Maybe things would be better for everyone ; the winner could call back and say , " Hey , I won , " and the rest of us could say , " That 's nice . We 've been getting along fine without the both of you . Hope you enjoy coconuts . " But I know that ain 't gonna happen . I 'm not going to play Twister when someone shows up to the party with a baseball bat . There 's nothing like being faced with the possibility of getting you , your family , your neighbors , your country , everything you 've known and worked for and loved getting pulverized to get you to change your mind about territory , resources or policy . War works because it levels the playing field . Literally . But we forget the cost of it all . We make speeches and raise monuments , but how about putting our money where our mouths are ? Every time I see someone with a " Support Our Troops " bumper sticker , I want to ask , " What did you do today ? Did you give to the USO ? Did you write your Congressmen to make sure that VA benefits don 't get cut ? Did you bake a cake ? Write a letter ? Anything ? " Earlier this year , someone forwarded an email that had pictures of GIs huddled in Iraqi sandstorms , sleeping in ditches , wearing the NBC suits . The email asked , " How did you sleep last night ? Just remember that you slept safely because these people didn 't . " I was so furious that I fired off a response to everyone who got the original letter , and asked how how they support this war ? How could they think there 's a link between 9 / 11 and Iraq ? How could they think that bombing the bejeezus out of Iraq was going to make our lives safer ? What did you * really * do today to " support the troops " ? I got back three responses , one positive along the lines of " Right the hell on for saying that , " and two saying , " How dare you say these things ? " It 's my job as an American to stand up , to question , to demand answers . It 's my job to protest , to write letters , to send checks , to buy phone cards for overseas GIs . It 's my job to make sure that kids aren 't sent overseas to fight and die for nothing less than protecting America . And this war has done nothing like that . This administration has done nothing like that . Do I feel any safer today than I did three years ago ? Two years ago ? One ? And I 'm going to keep on writing letters . I 'm going to send money to the VFW . I 'm going to keep on buying phone cards , raising money , raising hell . I 'm going to make sure that we don 't have to send people in uniforms unless we have to . I 'm going to keep up my part of the bargain , just like the people coming back from the front have kept up theirs . It 's like the world has started over down here . It rained this morning , and all the soot and ash is flushed away . The sky is bright blue and clean . The smell and taste of the week 's fires is out of the air . Randy Newman is on KCRW singing " I Love LA , " and I love it right now , too . And I keep thinking about talking with Sam last night , and I laugh at the joy of him and Danielle becoming parents . Welcome into the world , Kaija . Be careful your dad doesn 't pull a Calvin on you when it comes to explaining how the world works .
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FARK . com : ( 7849197 ) The Rescue : A True Story . Starring one tiny adorable kitten trapped in a burning home , and one incredibly heroic Fireman with a helmet - cam . Coming to theaters , just in time for Caturday Do you have adblock enabled ? Don 't Like Ads ? Try BareFark Politics The Rescue : A True Story . Starring one tiny adorable kitten trapped in a burning home , and one incredibly heroic Fireman with a helmet - cam . Coming to theaters , just in time for Caturday ( mashable . com ) 3 votes : Spinnyr : The " Beauty - Butt " , Luscious . . . Her eyes are light - light blue , and sometimes - - - don 't know why - - - they turn really red . Technically , because the light of the flash occurs too fast for the pupil to close , much of the very bright light from the flash passes into the eye through the pupil , reflects off the fundus at the back of the eyeball and out through the pupil . The camera records this reflected light . The main cause of the red color is the ample amount of blood in the choroid which nourishes the back of the eye and is located behind the retina . The blood in the retinal circulation is far less than in the choroid , and plays virtually no role . The eye contains several photostable pigments that all absorb in the short wavelength region , and hence contribute somewhat to the red eye effect . Because all white cats are basically furry little terminators . 2 votes : Another Dog Pic - - the one I tried to fwd to Select Folk yesterday & was told nothing was there . Marci Swann , wife of barbershopper Gregg ( they live in WV ) who 's back on the Events Team as Plumbicon is , sent me this on July 2 . They care for a dog whose name & breed I forget . spinach gunk , tnx for bringing Sarah back to mind . Think you said she was such a good girl . Also tnx yobbery for fresh Biscuit & others pix , also to remember lurvly Alice . Is that Biscuit in the . gif shaking himself enthusiastically ? Sure looks like it could be - - 2 votes : Hai Biscuit ! * waves back * I 'm so jealous of you guize with the photophiliac kittehs . GoGo Beastie RUNS and would put a hole in a door to get away if she had to when she just sees my camera . Not that I 've figured out how to use the obviously - smarter - than - me thing , or I 'd have pictures of our skwerls and tons of food porn . * sigh * Some things I 'm good at , a lot of things I 'm not so good at , and that camera falls in the " not so good at " category . 2 votes : The Ice Queen : Cosmo tripped me when I got home so I 'm all black and blue . GoGo Beastie only does that when I 'm at least halfway up the stairs . Any less and it is no longer a proper homicide attempt , I guess . You OK ' cept the lovely new color accessories ? 1 vote : lilyspad : Real Women Drink Akvavit : I 'll have to dig some up some day . I 'm sure mom has some around here somewhere . Please do ! ! : DI 'll ask her when she gets back from her trip where they 're hidden . I don 't think any of them have been scanned or anything yet . 1 vote : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 567x500 ] I hope nobody is offended by this . . . . I just thought it was funny . That 's a classic ! Not offended over here . My panties are not even in a twist - and yes , I 'm actually wearing some ! / nmc , nmc , nmu 1 vote : I 'm going to check out early . I have to get back to the rat race in the morning ( . . . and end of vacation depression blows goats . ) Have a great week everyone . See you on Thursday . 1 vote : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 640x478 ] Hai ! Broke out of work early . . . it 's even too hot for customers , apparently ! So , you guize are stuck with me for some extra time today ! I can smell your joy . Or maybe , that 's just QJ 's hushpuppies ! ! ! : DHe 's got back up now in the form of his MOM ! However , I am proud of him for being so generous with the sharing of the hushpuppies . 1 vote : lilyspad : Ha ! Looks like we both had the same thoughts on the heat ! ! ! ! : DI 'm so glad the heat is settling down . Being on foot for my commute it sucks to arrive at work in the morning all hot and sweaty , even if it is before 7AM and only a 20 min walk ! lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 640x429 ] 1 vote : AARRRRGH ! ! Stupid friggin county library computers ! Fourth time I 've tried to post before system locks up from all the damn local trash playing yahoo games online ! Anywhooos , Happy Caturday ! Sorry I 'm late , spent the weekend at my place with whiskey between two AC units . Or was that with AC between two whiskey units ? Kind of hazy at this point . . . ALIEN ! Good to see you still posting . Please don 't give up , just keep on rolling and keep us appraised of your situation . My offer of paypal is still out there , let me have a contact email so I can send a little . I 'm not pushing charity , I just feel like crap that you are in such horrible dire straits and I 'm unable to help you ! ! And now , some cats . Asbestos lining sold seperately . . . 1 vote : lilyspad : akimbotoo : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 640x415 ] Okay , I am OFFICIALLY done with this heat ! Holy cow ! It 's 98 right now . . . again . Supposed to be in the upper 90 's for another week . I 'm gonna snap , I tell ya ! ! ! ! If you guize read about some crazy middle - aged woman running naked through the neighbors sprinklers while drinking beer , start collecting bail money ! : DI 'll bring a camera too ! : DOr video . . . . . : D You 're twisted , I like that ! ! ! Hahaha ! ! ! You have that right ! I would probably bring the Flip too so we could have Youtube - ready videos ! We had old friends visit us earlier this week and I think I shocked him a little with my sense of humor . I told them the story about when I had the metal plate & screws removed from my ankle after my fracture adventure . I was disappointed that the surgeon wouldn 't let me watch the operation . I had a spinal anesthetic instead of the general anesthetic and got a bit bored after a while because I couldn 't tell how many screws were still left to be removed . It seemed like it was taking forever ! I asked him to make them " plink " in the bowl like in the cowboy movies so I could tell how far along he was . Everyone laughed , but he did it for me ! 1 vote : lilyspad : yobbery : How to drive your cat apeshiat crazy Bwahahaha ! ! ! ! I see a disco light in Lily 's future ! ! ! ! ! : DDoooo eeeeet ! ! ! / don 't forget the tunes : o ) 1 vote : tigerose : yobbery : tigerose : OlderGuy : tigerose : Hello ! I could not find Eli for a while today . And no one remembered if he was in or out . Turns out he was in the attic ! Good thing today was not so hot as it haz been ! Geez I think that cat needs a locator appMicrochip with GPS : o ) Hmmmm ! I am thinking of hazing him chipped . The local petsupply place does them for 10 bucks ? Worth every penny in case he gets lost or picked up . Do they have a veterinary clinic there ? Won 't help much for attic trappings though . You may want to get him an iPhone if he keeps insisting on going up there . [ www . smugmug . com image 300x169 ] if I have to get the data plan , he will have to settle for Meowers Code . . . 1 vote : lilyspad : yobbery : How to drive your cat apeshiat crazy [ www . smugmug . com image 500x500 ] Bwahahaha ! ! ! ! I see a disco light in Lily 's future ! ! ! ! ! : DThat would be cruel ! / Make sure you get a video : o ) 1 vote : tigerose : OlderGuy : tigerose : Hello ! I could not find Eli for a while today . And no one remembered if he was in or out . Turns out he was in the attic ! Good thing today was not so hot as it haz been ! Geez I think that cat needs a locator appMicrochip with GPS : o ) Hmmmm ! I am thinking of hazing him chipped . The local petsupply place does them for 10 bucks ? Worth every penny in case he gets lost or picked up . Do they have a veterinary clinic there ? Won 't help much for attic trappings though . You may want to get him an iPhone if he keeps insisting on going up there . 1 vote : Mrs CDK : Been busy this weekend but wanted to pop in to say hi . . . [ i384 . photobucket . com image 500x375 ] * waves * Hai ! Busy over here , too . Trying to do a Super Secret Lair of Infinite Doom project ( rearranging my room ) , cleaning Grandma 's room out at least part way so Mom doesn 't have to dig through the medical stuff , just the happy memories and also building a couple sets of shelves and rearranging the garage - all while my Mom is on vacation . So , she should have the best vacation and return from vacation EVER , all things considered . 1 vote : Hello , everybody . been a busy summer around the infinity household . i 've been behind on every one of my leisurely pursuits , including caturdays . However , I feel I would be terribly remiss if I didn 't make a small announcement while the thread was still open . We have been looking for some furkids to adopt for about a month now . We wanted to get 2 , so they could keep each other company . Without trying to be too picky about breed , color , etc . The important part was personality and sociability with other animals . We also wanted fairly close to same age or litter mates if possible . Our source is the local humane society . We made a few visits and fell for a pair of kittens , a brother and sister , only to find they had just been taken that day . But there were more kittens at a local pet store in an adoption partnership with the humane society being the beneficiary . There were 2 tabbies and 2 all black kitties , the one girl kitty was one of the all black ones . She was also the shyest and most timid of the bunch . We wanted to take her and one of her tabby brothers , but the policy was cash only and we didn 't have it on us at the time . When we called the next day , the tabby we wanted had been adopted . I didn 't want to leave the all black brother by himself , because sadly , the black kitties just don 't get taken home as readily . So we took both of the black kitties , which actually thrilled me to no end , because I love black kitties . They 've been in our house all of 22 hours so far . I 'm about to go into a diabetic coma . I 'm so glad we took one of her brothers , because the little girl would be so lost by herself . As it is now , she 's coming out of her shell more and more . They were both sleeping under the coffee table , out in the open and not hiding under the bed . This is a great sign . They are 13 weeks old , already spayed and neutered , microchipped . They look to be in very good health , they had just arrived from the foster home an hour before we saw them in the store for the first time . It is so nice of them to let us stay in2it 2013 - 07 - 21 12 : 21 : 43 PM 1 vote : John Buck 41 : Jazzy , never far away from either of us . Here making sure Mrs . Bucks chair doesn 't blow off the dock . [ farm4 . staticflickr . com image 500x375 ] She didn 't want to wait on shore while Mom was out in the kayak . [ farm8 . staticflickr . com image 500x375 ] Fiona will not leave my side if it is raining . So much so that she followed me into the shower . I don 't get dog logic . My daughter came out to visit and laughed so hard at this . 1 vote : tigerose : Good Meowning ! Wow ! I slept like a cat last night ! Eli was out on the front porch when I got up this morning . Now he is on the hassock , curled by my toes . So nice to start my day this way ! You guys were busy last night ! And funny as well . I nearly spilled my coffee . . . horrors ! : ) Not the coffee ! ! ! My mom is getting ready for her vacation and will be leaving for the airport in a few hours , so I 'll be in and outta here for a while . Gotta go to the store for a buncha dollahs and then find the phone number for the male strippers . ; - p 1 vote : AlienDandelion : Real Women Drink Akvavit : catmandu : in2it : In my last post with Cat Women and Batman , look at all the famous cats : ) When I first looked it was a cute cartoon , then Simon 's Cat caught my eye and I took a closer look . I identified most of the cats . I zeroed in on Bill the Cat right away . Bloom County was my favorite comic strip in like forever . I even still have my Bill the Cat plushie . Now that Bloom County is gone , I like Get Fuzzy , of course . Bucky is my cartoon kitteh fave with the crazy and the crafty and the thinly veiled ( if veiled at all ) insults . [ tolkiengateway . net image 725x377 ] I agree . Bucky is one of my favorites too : ) As well as the man behind http : / / theoatmeal . com / oh and cyanide and happiness because they have a twisted sense of humour like me muwahhh ahhhhaI been meaning to pick up The Oatmeal 's book about how to tell if your cat is trying to kill you , but I can 't do that until I either ( 1 ) get a new bookshelf as I 've no room for all the books I have now or ( 2 ) get rid of some books . I 'll never do ( 2 ) so I 'm going to rearrange furniture this week so I can do ( 1 ) next month . Also : Cracked me up . Also , emailed it to my mother ( who yes , was in the next room , but emailing is still easier ) 1 vote : Okay , I have to go for tonight . Hey QJ ! Please tell Oscar that I am having a bologna sammich tonight for dinner in his honor ! Plus , it just sounded good . HUGS to all ! ! ! : D 1 vote : lilyspad : in2it : [ i . imgur . com image 620x854 ] Dammit in2it ! I was just going to post that ! ! ! ! You beat me to it ! ! : DSorry just hitting it a little too hard : ) 1 vote : lilyspad : Lots of really great posts today ! Took me a bit to catch up . Hey QJ ! When do we get to see pics of Oscar ? ? I think I read somewhere along the line that you have a camera with lots of megapickles ? ? ? * hint * : D 1 vote : Some things you just can 't explain , and wouldn 't want to even if you could . QJ made this adorable LOL of my favourite picture of Sarah a long time ago : I keep one copy of this lol in my lolcats folder on my computer . It is the source folder for my computer 's screen saver . The screen saver randomly chooses a few dozen lols at a time to cycle through , out of nearly 3000 in the whole folder . Somehow , this one shows up in the rotation almost every single time ! It 's as if she 's out there somewhere , making sure we see it a lot since she knows we like it so much . It always makes us smile . I know it 's weird , but I thought you guys would get a kick out of it . : ) 1 vote : neurofunkin : Some recent shelter additions : Itty bitty litter of 6 that came in . [ i322 . photobucket . com image 450x600 ] At an adoption event : [ i322 . photobucket . com image 600x450 ] D ' AWWWW ! I so want to hold some babby fur babbies ! I can 't do that , though . I 'd bring one home . I 'm in my 40 's . I don 't need to be tickin ' off my mom at my age ! It 's . . . . awkward . 1 vote : Real Women Drink Akvavit : I 'd still head straight to that beautiful mountain in your pic , though . We could go Squatchin ' in between snowball fights ! YAY ! ! ! My kitteh accomplice ! Let 's go ! I know where they live : - ) 1 vote : Real Women Drink Akvavit : sherpa18 : I was going to ask if you guys got in a brawl over some chicken wings or something . Dragon could totally take you , dude . Specially since you wouldn 't put up much of a fight . ; - p / you 're a good Dragon daddy , Sherpa ! Good jorb ! / yeah , it 's not that tough to tell who is in charge here : o ) 1 vote : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 640x427 ] They sure are cute when they 're little ! Is that an opossum ? Or whatever those scary , hideous things are called ? ' Cuz if it is , well played , Mother Nature . That would totally trick me into trying to cuddle it . sherpa18 : lilyspad : I agree . . . and he looks great ! ! ! You GO Dragon ! ! ! ♥ Thanks . / yes people , i am aware that i need to vacuum / / and that is just food on his nose from licking his meds out of cat food cans [ i415 . photobucket . com image 640x564 ] I was going to ask if you guys got in a brawl over some chicken wings or something . Dragon could totally take you , dude . Specially since you wouldn 't put up much of a fight . ; - p / you 're a good Dragon daddy , Sherpa ! Good jorb ! 1 vote : lilyspad : sherpa18 : You sure are up early today ! : DLike I had a freaking choice ? : o ) sherpa18 2013 - 07 - 20 08 : 31 : 48 AM 1 vote : ArmednHammered : sherpa18 : ArmednHammered : the three seashells ! I still haven 't figured out that joke . / i guess it 's back to the litter box with you ! I 'll take a litter box over seashells any day ! That shait looks painful ! ; - ) Yeah , just wait until that chili you made last night starts working . . . . 1 vote : Dezilith : I 'm going to be ostracized for a week . The GoGo Beastie reacts that way every month when I put the flea stuff on her . Except feeding times , of course . I 'm trying to HELP , silly Go ! She hates the smell though , and runs at the sight of the little tube . Heh . 1 vote : / fast fun fact - I used to work security for a local club about once a week when they had heavy metal shows and " fetish events " / / easiest . job . EVER 1 vote : I looked high . . . I looked low . . . . and couldn 't find Jazz . . . ( 4yr old Russian Blue ) Yanno , the ' Plump One ' . . . Brunhilda . . . . aka ( as Q _ J once captioned her . . . . Goodyear . Miss * I ain 't afraid of you . . . I 'll kick yer azz * This one . . . Well . . . on the first day here . . . . after a room - to - room search & 25 mins later , I find her . . . . guess where ! ! ! . . . . . . And when I gently picked her up , and cuddled & murmured to her . . . I was ever so grateful that it was a brand new , unused , litterbox . I 'm very , very glad that she is comfortable enough to lay around the house " belly - up " . 1 vote : lilyspad : I had some the DUMBEST customers this week . . . . . makes you wonder how they survived to adulthood . Seriously . yobbery 2013 - 07 - 19 11 : 15 : 38 PM 1 vote : ArmednHammered : sherpa18 : ArmednHammered : the three seashells ! I still haven 't figured out that joke . [ i415 . photobucket . com image 305x450 ] / i guess it 's back to the litter box with you ! I 'll take a litter box over seashells any day ! That shait looks painful ! ; - ) 1 vote : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 199x640 ] This is too funny . Well , at least to ME , anyway . I 'm twisted , in case y ' all haven 't figured that out yet . : D * high five * / I lol 'd , too 1 vote : OlderGuy : sherpa18 : gremlin1 : another hot , muggy day . 88 feels like 95 and humid . Is that all ? When I checked my balcony thermometer an hour or so ago , it was still 101 ° : o ( [ i415 . photobucket . com image 500x375 ] Was 97 here today . . had planned to hit Busch Gardens tomorrow . . forecast of 96 + possible TStorms . . will reschedule for another weekend . . . humidity yesterday was so bad you could see it . . . . . . We 've been in the 90 's with oppressive humidity for a few days . A front just moved through about 2 hours ago and temps are now in the mid 70 's . Still humid but It feels great . 1 vote : professional _ vampire : Hi , everyone ! Holy Ceiling Cat , it 's hot ! Wait a second - if I remember correctly , you have a pool , don 't you ? I guess the rest of us will just have to improvise : o ) * runs off to look up p _ v 's address * 1 vote : gremlin1 : another hot , muggy day . 88 feels like 95 and humid . Is that all ? When I checked my balcony thermometer an hour or so ago , it was still 101 ° : o ( 1 vote : predle : This is me trying to figure out Windows 8 . About the only thing I 've been able to figure out is how to post to Caturday . There is an add - on available that will restore your start / menu button so that you can find stuff . As I don 't use 8 myself , I have no experience with it , but I have heard good things about it . 1 vote : Real Women Drink Akvavit : The Ice Queen : Cosmo tripped me when I got home so I 'm all black and blue . GoGo Beastie only does that when I 'm at least halfway up the stairs . Any less and it is no longer a proper homicide attempt , I guess . You OK ' cept the lovely new color accessories ? [ assets . dogtime . com image 400x327 ] Why is it they will race you up the steps but never down ? Biscuit and Nate ( especially Biscuit ) must ALWAYS be the first to the top of the stairs . It wouldn 't be so bad if they didn 't give you a head start . 1 vote : Thank you , Sherpa . * sits in box * YAY ! ! ! Spinnyr , Koa is a handsome kitteh and no , I do not think he wants to share either . I 've always like Abyssinians . He 's got some neat coloring . Most of the Abs I 've seen around here are the Ruddy variety . 1 vote : Been a really long week in the basement of Mordor . Told the boss I 'd had enough for a week and left at 2 : 00 . Went out and found some of the " Farking Wheaton w00tstout " made by Drew , Wil Wheaton and Greg Koch of Stone Brewery . I have to say , it 's pretty damn tasty . It 's dark , thick , hasn 't been hopped to death and best of all it 's 13 % alcohol , what 's not to like ? I grabbed three of the 24 Oz . bottles and I don 't expect them to last the night . ; - ) It 's good enough that I 'll buy a case if my local store has one available . / not a paid spokesman etc . etc . Please excuse me while I go whip up some chili for dinner so I can do the following later . . . . 1 vote : Thank you , ArmednHammered . I actually went through most of the grieving process before she died , which was actually one of the harder parts of it because when I realized that 's what I was doing , I felt incredibly guilty . I have no idea why , but I did . At this point there really is just trying to remember what " normal " life is like again . After over 10 years of caring for her , about half of those on each end of it being full - time , hands on type care , that 's going to be hard to remember how to do . We 'll get there , though . 1 vote : catmandu : in2it : In my last post with Cat Women and Batman , look at all the famous cats : ) When I first looked it was a cute cartoon , then Simon 's Cat caught my eye and I took a closer look . I identified most of the cats . I zeroed in on Bill the Cat right away . Bloom County was my favorite comic strip in like forever . I even still have my Bill the Cat plushie . Now that Bloom County is gone , I like Get Fuzzy , of course . Bucky is my cartoon kitteh fave with the crazy and the crafty and the thinly veiled ( if veiled at all ) insults . 1 vote : I hate to even say it , cuz I don 't want to be the Caturday bummer , but I know some of you guys pay attention and will wonder . My Grandma died Tuesday morning at 11 : 25 . She couldn 't talk or move , but she could hear us and would make faces or noises to respond a bit , so we made sure at least one of us was with her at all times , so she wouldn 't be alone and scared . I had just finished my turn for a 2 hour nap and went to go sit with her so my mom could get a nap . I sat next to her , told her I loved her for probably the eleventybillionth time while I was sitting there holding her hand , she responded a little bit , took a few more breaths and died . Please do not get bummed out or think " omg ! what do I say ? " ( like I do ) or hesitate to have fun and raise the basement ! I like fun , I am fine , will be fine and we knew this was coming . We are sad and a bit lost , but the last few years were hard , the last couple weeks nightmarish . She actually told me about a week before she died " I 'd leave but you won 't let me go " . Mom and I both told her that when she wanted to go , it was OK , that we 'd be sad , but we 'd understand and we 'd be OK . We are OK for the most part , just not really sure what to do with ourselves and very sad , but at the same time we are happy that her suffering is over . Mom is going on her scheduled vacation Sunday still , because she needs it badly , and we 'll figure out who is going to take her and grandpa 's ashes back to Norway when we get them back . So , on with life , best we can . Thank you to my Caturday family and all the other Farkers who have given me tons of support , lots of hugs and ear skritches for teh kittehs and pics of things to make me smile . My grandma loved you guize too , even if she didn 't understand most of it . lol ! Now , on wit teh kritter pics ! 1 vote : " And then . . . . And then they take silly pictures of you and put words on the pictures to make it look like you 're saying ridiculous things that you 'd never really say ! " Happee Caturday everybuddee ! About time too . : ) 1 vote : My brother sent me a picture today of three gray cats who showed up to camp out on his daughters ' playskool table on the patio : Only one of them belong to him . He 's not sure why the other two were there , but he called it a " puddle of gray fur . " Said they spent most of the day sleeping . Summer of Soccer Day 6 . Group play wraps up with two simultaneous games . Chile vs Australia and Germany vs Cameroon at 11am ET ( fifa . com ) » ( 32 comments ) Summer of Soccer Day 6 . Group play wraps up with two simultaneous games . Chile vs Australia and Germany vs Cameroon at 11am ET ( fifa . com ) » ( 32 comments ) " I 've seen things you people wouldn 't believe . Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion . I watched C - beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate . All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain . Time to die . " 35 years ago today ( en . wikipedia . org ) » ( 17 comments )
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The sociopath will most commonly pull the most elaborate sickness saga tale , when they are either about to be caught in a lie , or when they have been caught in a lie . The sociopath already knows that you are a kind , caring empathetic person . They checked this with you , when they first interviewed you , and decided that you were the right person for them . I . e . you can offer them what they want . ( Be a source of supply ) . However , after the initial mirroring and seduction stage has passed . Once you have been groomed and captured , you might object to being controlled . To cope with being with a sociopath you become either Brainwashed If you decide to leave , or the sociopath thinks that there is a chance for you to do so , they often pull the sickness saga trick . Sometimes they can pull the sickness tale in the beginning while playing victim , but this is not usual . As they would not know how you would respond . You might not want to be with someone who is sick . The sociopath will assess you , and find out who you are . Faking sickness will almost always create a positive reaction from the victim It would be a heartless person , who was hard and not forgiving towards someone who is sick . The sociopath knows this . It is their life to observe , and monitor other people . They are experts at understanding human responses . Without conscience The sociopath is without conscience , and a compulsive pathological liar . They will literally do and say anything to get what they want . They do this to get their own way . It is being without conscience that the sociopath can fake illnesses that nobody in their right mind would fake . The sociopath is also attracted to drama . The sociopath enjoys drama . He / she enjoys drama as it creates what the sociopath does not have themselves ' emotions ' . As the sociopath has no conscience and thinks nothing of lying to you , to tell you what you want to hear , they also have no conscience when telling you of the most awful illnesses . Cancer is a favourite , as it elicits a powerful response from the victim . No matter how angry you are towards the sociopath , once they tell you this , you feel sorry for them . You feel that they might die . You then start to make excuses for their behaviour . Swift change from perpetrator to victim As you are likely not a sociopath reading this ( you might be , but I am assuming you are not ) , once the sociopath starts the lie , it begins to spiral . Always remember that - TO THE SOCIOPATH , PROTECTING THE LIE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR FEELINGS . THE SOCIOPATH WILL ALWAYS PROTECT THE LIE . There will never be a point where they will feel a pang of conscience , to confess the lie . So they continue , and the lie spirals , and snowballs , getting bigger and bigger - until they become the lie . The sociopath will now become the sickness Once the sociopath has started with the lie , this becomes part of their persona . They will be elaborate with their lies , so that you would not suspect that it is in fact a lie . After all , you wouldn 't think that anybody would fake an illness such as cancer ? … a person without a conscience would . A sociopath would . The sociopath will do anything to retain control and will use any method to do so . The sociopath will not just use the words ' I have cancer ' they will now become the cancer . So you will hear fully descriptive sagas of their visits to the hospital , their appointments or treatments . If you offer to go with them , there will be some glib excuse why you can 't . You know that this is not true , and you protest . Of course , this creates exactly what the sociopath wants , yet more emotion from you . More drama . The sociopath can then use these emotions against you . The person I was with didn 't fake a major illness - does this mean he / she was not a sociopath ? No , not all sociopaths fake major illnesses such as cancer . However , all sociopaths will play victim . They play victim to elicit sympathy and to receive attention from you , at a time when you are angry , or even thinking about leaving them . This is manipulation and control . If they are not faking an illness of either themselves , or someone close to them , ( often the illness of someone who is close to them is more effective and less likely to avoid detection of the lie ) , they will , whenever they are about to be caught in the lie , feign victim for something or other . Turning the tables and making you the victim feel like the perpetrator , and that you should be feeling sorry for them . If you don 't well how heartless are you ? All sociopaths play victim but not all sociopaths feign major life threatening illnesses for attention . How could you ? Are words that often come from your mouth , as the reality of the lie sinks in . You cannot believe that somebody could go so low as to fake a terminal illness ( often the cancer will be terminal , if this is what they claim ) . The sociopath can - simply because they can . They can , because they don 't care too much about you or your feelings . What they do care about is ownership , possession and control over you . There is no greater control than to have full control of your emotions . Having control over your emotions , the sociopath can then render you either : Brain washed ( switched on and manipulated / controlled ) The sociopath can tell such outrageous lies simply because they have no conscience . They do not feel bad about their actions . They do not feel remorse , guilt or shame . Once the lie starts , they almost enjoy the drama that it creates and the sympathy that they now receive from others . This is the ultimate high - they are now receiving praise , sympathy and attention for doing what they do best - lying and being manipulative . It is all about control When the sociopath fears that they are losing control , they will do and say anything to regain control . There is no better way to have full control of someone than to fake a major sickness , and force the victim to become carer . When you become carer , you become owned by the sociopath and the sociopath is now very cleverly ' victim ' . You wouldn 't attack a victim , or throw them out on the streets would you ? Learned behaviour It is my personal view , that this is learned behaviour from childhood . Perhaps there was neglect in childhood , where the sociopath 's emotional needs were not fulfilled . Perhaps the only time that the sociopath DID get attention in childhood that was of the level of care that other children had from parents , was when they were ' sick ' . Coping with the sense of betrayal When the lies are unravelled and you discover the truth , this is often at the same time that the relationship comes to an end , and the sociopath goes onto full on hurtful ruining and smear campaign mode . It is the ultimate betrayal . Your senses , feelings , emotions , and who you are have been effectively controlled . The truth can be ' shocking ' . It can be difficult to comprehend , how anybody could stoop so low . The truth is , like everything with the sociopath - they can - because they have no conscience . Without conscience they can do or say anything that they like . This is what makes it so shocking . It is beyond our comprehension . How someone could do this . The truth is - they do - simply because they can . What starts off with a small lie , can quickly spiral into a huge elaborate lie … . that can go anywhere . Who asks for ' verification ' of someone 's illness ? It is easy words to say ' it 's just business ' to a sociopath and that it is not personal . It is not that you are stupid . It is just that you are not trained to detect someone who would tell such terrible lies . As you would never think of ever saying this , let alone acting out the whole play of imagination that would go with it , the sociopath can - simply because they can . It is then that they ' become the lie ' the lie becomes bigger than them . This is who they become and they will do anything to protect the lie . If this has happened to you I wanted to write this post , as it is a topic that I haven 't written about before . I also know that it is quite common . It doesn 't happen all of the time , it depends on the sociopath , but it happens enough to warrant its own post . There are always extremes of behaviour dependent on the person doing the behaviour and their reasons for it . Faking a terminal illness , is an extreme form of playing victim . If determined the sociopath can do this well . If this has happened to you , know that it didn 't happen because you were stupid . Yes it does hurt , and you do feel used and abused as often you will give more than you otherwise would . The sociopath sets themselves up as their own ' charitable case ' and you become the charity that they feed off of . Know that at first you will feel confused , as you go through everything that happened . How when you felt suspicious you questioned and were told that you were ' heartless ' . How your emotions were played with , manipulated and controlled . Nobody stays confused forever . Once the truth is out and you have came out of the fog of ' this cannot be true ' confusion , you will move into a sense of reality , it is then that you will see the sociopath is really - not like the person that you thought you were with . Reply positivagirl says : February 1 , 2014 at 3 : 40 pm I know ! ! Feigning sickness is the ultimate way to gain control and play victim . Some go to extremes with it . They all do it , play victim feign illness . So you feel sorry for them and will be forced to take care of them . Reply Nick says : February 1 , 2014 at 4 : 07 pm Mine took a slightly different route right at the end . Her Son had measles ( she had made sure he was never immunised ) then she pretended that he had meningitis on top ( I could see it was measles as his sister had it a week earlier ) It was the right level of drama to create the " relationship ending " argument as I told her I didn t believe her . It was the excuse she had been looking for and that was it , " if you go to work don t come back etc . " JerseyRidge @ aol . com says : February 1 , 2014 at 4 : 26 pm Nick , Sorry you went thru that . There are users , abusers and liars in more places that an honest person can imagine . Luckily you came out whole again . bobbie jeane says : February 1 , 2014 at 7 : 44 pm My spath , told me I had so much empathy , sometimes it made him disgusted . wtf is that ? How can having empathy be bad ? Unless of course , its for a spath . MrKnight75 says : February 10 , 2014 at 2 : 29 am Yeah Nick , mine once said " If I get pregnant , you 'll never even know " . Still I 'm sorry you experienced something so terrible . Bobbie mine once said " You 're too good of a communicator " . I recall that when I had the upper hand in any conversation ( ok … argument over inconsistencies in his story ) and he realized he couldn 't lie his way out of the situation , he would tell me that we were wasting our time " going ' round the mulberry bush " and then refuse to have any further conversation . I find it seriously weird that they all have so many of the same traits . Celeste Celeste , Isn 't it rich , how they think we are highly unintelligent ! ? He would never address anything , very cowardly . Whenever he tried to pull off another fictitious story , I was always telling him , " I ' M TIRED OF PLAYING DUMB ! " I was so tired of listening to his BS . Sometimes it was amusing , looking right into his eyes , watching him speak lies , and he was thinking I bought it all . HA ! I was so tired of " living off of milk when we should get to the meat of the matter ! " Milk is for babies , and adult COWARDS . They can 't man up ( or lady spaths can 't woman up ) and do their damn job as a grownup ! I think they confuse kindness and empathy for stupidity and weakness , but more importantly , they personally believe they are so danged clever . When we were discussing things I would actually catch him slowly maneuvering around so that he could see his reflection in a window or a mirror - he was watching himself and would even smile at himself while doing it ! I don 't think he ever had to contend with anyone who could keep track of a conversation and then would direct him to stay on the subject , so his methods of distraction to get out of a situation didn 't work . So . . we toddle off to " here we go round the mulberry bush " as a way to get out of it . Truly a childish response . LOL Reply Diane says : February 1 , 2014 at 3 : 57 pm was maried to one for 23 yrs . and I not a rich woman but paddling my own canoe now . but he still has a hold on my kids - like his fake cancer scare from a sebacious cyst on his head . bs Now since we divorced anything I say is taken negatively . sucks Reply positivagirl says : February 1 , 2014 at 4 : 02 pm Hi Diane , welcome to the site . It is unbelievable , how anybody can just fake ' cancer ' . I used to think with the mindset , ' how can you be so stupid as you would obviously be found out ' … . but the truth is , they have little fear . No respect for you or anyone else . They don 't even have respect for themselves . They say it , because they care about nobody but themselves . They say it because its dramatic - because when they feel that they are losing control over you this is a great way to win control . There are a LOT of sociopaths who fake cancer … which really is beyond belief . Once they go down that path , they enjoy the drama and play acting that go with it - every day becomes a con - they know that one day that they can get caught , but every day that they don 't produces yet another ' high ' … they conned you one more time . Often this is also done in conjunction to force you to do something else that you do not want to do - like financial support … . after all , you wouldn 't suspect someone dying of cancer to be conning you … Reply bobbie jeane says : February 1 , 2014 at 7 : 51 pm I dated a guy , who said he had a tumor in his sinus cavity . He was / is a musician . . So the musician community got together , huuuuuuuuuge turn out , and had a benefit type thing to pay for his medical bills . I remember looking over , at tumor boy , during this benefit of so many different musicians … . and he was sitting alone … . looking down at the ground , in his own world … and I sensed shame . Come to find out … it was a deviated septum . I will never forget , looking over at him , hundreds of musicians at this fabulous music venue , and he was off by himself … and that look he had on his face whilst staring at the ground ? I remember that moment like it was yesterday . I have dated so many spaths , Im learning … that I don 't know who is a spath and who isn 't . edaldude says : February 1 , 2014 at 5 : 22 pm You know it 's funny , Positvagirl , that instead of saying he had cancer , when my beloved mom was first going to hospital this past summer I 'll never forget how right off my spath quipped : " she probably has cancer " ! And , " Now I hope your mom did the right thing with her estate and house " … I was AGHAST that he would precognition something as devastating as cancer right off the bat for my mom ! I wasn 't even thinking about that initially with regards to momma . How the hell ( and I told him this ) can you be so callous as to say that when your lover 's mom goes in for stomach pains to cancer and make it worse for their loved ones to have to think about ? ! Well , he did and he acted only slightly apologetic at what he muttered . Such a negative , mean thing . So imagine my disdain upon the discovery shortly after that he was RIGHT , and my mom would be gone in only a couple of months ? ! And of course him lying about a cruise package he said he cancelled but took the week my mom passed ! ! ! Turns out where he also met somebody new , but didn 't bother to mention until I had forgave him once again , because " he had changed and wanted to be there " BS . I knew then that anyone that can be so callous to you and your own loved ones is a bazerk bully prick . I am so sorry that it took me over a dozen times to get to where I am today ~ In full discard mode . I thank this site for letting me recognise the traits , to fill in the blanks . My " spath " is a hybrid , not every trait , not that any one would be all of them together , GOD forbid ! Man , it 's work to figure out they do such a mindscrew on you ! The last few weeks of not talking to him regularly , well , I have more clarity , and have been able to work on figuring out the estate and getting affairs in order ! And I don 't find myself in immediate anxiety or a state of flusteredness as these are the two " go - to " feelings whenever he calls , no matter the occasion . Gee , how nice not to start the weekend off without these emotioBut can you imagine if he HAD NOT met someone to get involved with ( his next victim ) on that stinking cruise ? I was already dreading how to keep him off of any assets that come my way from my mom 's estate and he even would sing a pop rap song he knows called " Million Dollar Pussy " ! Nasty I would say of that and him for even listening to the garbage , but I wonder if he really thought of himself that way ! LOL - pussy indeed ( no offense to the lady 's in the audience ! ) as he is a big time materialistic jerk ( fast luxury cars , new gadgets , new trinkets for HIM , mostly ) . I am just so sad that I had to endure him during my grief for mom , but through her loss ( some price ) , I managed to lose him after nearly 5 years ! And yeah , him acting like a pussy to the bitter end . Final thought on this 1rst day of February . I am still running high on this new fella I have met through online dating service ! We talk every day , have our 3rd date for next week , and the more I learn about him I become even more enamoured . He works in a respectable field , and I 've come to find him a most gifted musician who had been in a band back in the day but now collaborates with another mate on songs that are mind - blowing and wonderfully written that he he is involved with ! I actually got my first intimacy with him the other day , and he was so shy and awkward ! He apologised profusely for his " performance anxiety " but I just told him how wonderful it was to be a part of it all ! My ex would make me feel awful if I had any issues in the bedroom , and one time even got up and left me in the night because of ! Intimacy for me was never a script or a mandate . It 's just two souls exploring each other on a most personal way . It 's beautiful on more levels then assigned mechanics ! But my spath made it dirty and all about his needs . He made it and me feel cheap , scripted , and ultimately obsolete without any emotion . I am mad I gave myself to him under these conditions , really mad ! I feel my new fella is indeed a gift from the Universe . It 's too uncanny , even our political views are the same and he is a level headed as anyone I 've met , online dating notwithstanding ( I know all the horror stories , I am no spring chicken in this dept ! ) . I am being very astute this time with this experience ! I had my first kiss from someone new and my first baby step intimacy after 5 years and I am on top of the world ! And I am not divulging too much about me , my past , and especially the spath in my recent life that seeked my destruction ! One thing my psycho taught me , don 't give too much about yourself away right off . The time will come for all of you , but keep some of you a mystery . I sure hope everyone can have a great February , keep the hope , keep the faith - Love Grows , Plant Some ! SPRING IS COMING ! Reply positivagirl says : February 1 , 2014 at 6 : 49 pm OMG … . you know that first comment … even I said to myself OMG … simply a display of NO CONSCIENCE … unbelievable . Eldaldude , please go careful with this new guy . I so hope he IS everything that you want him to be . But also remember to VERIFY everything as someone who has SO much in common with you , that it feels like a gift from heaven … . NOTHING is perfect . VERIFY VERIFY VERIFY and try not to give your heart until you have verified everything . Take care of you first . You are too precious 🙂 - But I also hope he is everything that you think he is . Remember that EVERYONE puts on their best image the first 6 - 12 weeks … . so be mindful of this x Mine didn 't fake cancer , but told me he had been diagnosed with cancer before we met . He explained how he had to go through chemotherapy and as a result was now sterile , therefore , did not need to worry about procreation . I suspect he actually had a vasectomy . About a year ago he contacted me to tell me that the doctor had given him 5 years to live because he has hypertension and asthma . I knew from professional experience he was lying because no doctor is going to give that kind of prognosis for that diagnosis but to force him into a corner , I jumped all over him and told him to get a second opinion and what questions to ask . He was really into my attention , but when I started asking subsequent questions he became evasive and would change the subject . The strange thing is that I had excellent insurance and he did have several pretty significant conditions , but refused to go to the doctor . He wore dentures that were ill fitting and my dental plan would have paid for new ones , but he wouldn 't go to the dentist either . He continually complained about the pain in his legs from varicose veins and the ill fitting dentures , but I guess if he actually obtained treatment he would lose legitimate attention getting devices . The scary thing is that he has serious sleep apnea ( he would stop breathing in his sleep to the point of physically struggling and thrashing about ) and told me after I left him he had a sleep study and I was wrong . So I doubt he had the study done or is just lying because he can 't admit I was right . Everything about what makes him a socio now seems as plain as the nose on my face , but at the time it was all part of the relationship and I always thought it was me … . I didn 't understand … he even helped me along by telling me not to worry , I didn 't understand because of our " cultural " differences . SIGH ! Reply Bunnyshy says : February 1 , 2014 at 5 : 29 pm This is an excellent topic . It makes me think of those few individuals who fake cancer to get " donations " . Vile , repulsive people . I made him a " non - person " . He no longer exists . I cut him off . They deliberately calculate doing these things , not just to one person , but MANY . What an abomination . Epic failures even when they get what they want . Before long they are " losers " again , nothing to show for their cons . HA ! Idiots ! Reply dramafree says : February 1 , 2014 at 6 : 33 pm Aww yes the cancer ploy . He tried to pull that on me but it didn 't work . He would always say either I think I have cancer or I am dying . It did not work with me . I just told him hecwas a hypochondriac . A week before I got my order of protection he claimed he fell off the roof of the house and almost died . At the point I was so fed up with his abuse and lies I didn 't care . I just sat there staring at him like I didn 't care so he called ip his mother and gave her the story . What a joke ! ! She fell for it and told me to take him to the hospital . I said he is fine he is walking around normally and it 's all a ploy . Thank god I 'm rid of him . The best way to get rid of these evil entities is to get them arrested after they put there hands on you and get order of protection . Reply Cate Reddell says : February 1 , 2014 at 8 : 42 pm This is so good to read . Thanks Pos for writing this post . Mine wasn 't cancer but instead he ended up with an illness I already had . When he told me of his diagnosis I thought it was odd because only 2 per cent of the population have it , so what were the chances that we would both have it ? Our relationship came to an end eventually when he told me he was " too sick to be in a relationship " . Actually , he had moved on to someone else by then . I pity her but I 'm happy to be free . . Reply positivagirl says : February 2 , 2014 at 1 : 21 pm Oh , that too , I forgot to write about that … . if you have something wrong with you , they can say that they have it too ( mirroring you ) - - only their strain of illness will be worse than yours … always ! 🙂 Reply Mary says : February 2 , 2014 at 2 : 01 pm I know someone like that ! ! Absolutely THE MOST frustrating conversations e . v . e . r . Talk about being belittled and minimized ! Reply luminite13 says : February 3 , 2014 at 9 : 35 pm Classic . My SP told me his parents ( both of them ) were ' dying ' of cancer , and he told others that knew him ' briefly ' ( I never met anyone who knew him more than 4wks ) … things just did not add up though … how he told me his mom wakes up at 5am to make his dad breakfast before he went to work a 12 hour shift , they in in their 70 ; s and have terminal cancer ? Ummm … . no . And he spent his summers away from them , only visited during Christmas , yet he is so sad about them dying … . sadly , he is waiting for them to die as he is waiting on his inheritance which he spoke of often ; 36 yrs old and has never made his own living … sickening and sad . Reply Allison says : February 4 , 2014 at 3 : 42 am Mine just texted me yesterday that there is a lump in her thigh . She is going to a doctor soon to see what is up . Ha . Throughout our relationship she banged on about her gall bladder , her menstrual issues and so on that could be serious . She even tried to convince me I was sick all the time . I had a bruise that wasn 't going away so she said that could be a sign of leukemia . Such loving ways she had . Reply dramafree says : February 4 , 2014 at 6 : 02 am SAY GOODBYE ! ! I followed the rule which is NO Contact . NONE . you will be happier and mentally more stable . Trust me I know . Loving my freedom and peace . More giggles … . one of the last times I had contact with mine ( this was a year after the divorce was final ) was to tell me that his doctor had given him 5 years to live . Because he has high blood pressure and asthma . Being in the MEDICAL FIELD , I started asking questions about tests , drugs he was taking , etc . and guess what … . . he had to go lay down because his blood pressure was up . Then , no more talk about being on death 's doorstep . The next time we spoke there was absolutely no mention of illness . Instead , it was to let me know he was going to a " world class " chef 's academy and his mentor was Guy Fieri . I should have reminded him he once told me that when he died he didn 't know where he would go because " heaven doesn 't want me , and the Devil is afraid I 'll take over " . Arrogant even in " death " . ROFL ! ! positivagirl says : February 5 , 2014 at 4 : 09 pm I shouldn 't laugh but it is so ridiculous you do have to laugh . 🙂 🙂 the sickness tales and the outrageous stories and lies are , when you are not caught up in it ridiculous . bewildered says : February 6 , 2014 at 7 : 02 am lAh yes , I always heard that one I 'm sick it 's not my fault what I do . He meant mentally unstable , he felt like he had a free pass to do the horrendous things he 's done . I couldn 't be happier he is in jail , his kind belong there . Peace and love 😌💚 Early in my SP relationship , we were all cuddled up and sipping wine in front of the fire when he said " you know , I have dark desires you don 't want to know about . " OK … WTH ? ! ? But not having any idea that he was a certified nut job , I asked him what he was talking about . He laughed and told me it had gotten too quiet and he had to say something . All I could think of was a Judd Nelson in the Breakfast Club when he said , " Tension breaker . Needed to be done . " So I just thought he was being silly and let it go . Honestly , it was probably one of the few truths that ever came out of his mouth ! Mine said , " you have never met anyone like me in your entire life . I am not like most men " i thought it was just his ego talking ! He was telling the truth for once . Most ( not all obviously ) are okay but , these fools are most definately not like others we meet ! This is just to funny , but mine said the exact same thing , that I never met anybody like him . It was one of three times he ever told the truth . The second thing was ' I 'm not a good person ' and the third thing I don 't even remember any more . These things were said early in the relationship , before the mask slipped for the first time . I wish they would all rot in hell and in a way that is where they dwell anyway . Thank you for being the sweet soul that you are . Your words mean much . Non of us deserved what we got , but now many of us are standing up again and taking charge . Jane 284 says : June 17 , 2014 at 7 : 25 am I feel some sympathy , but not to the extent that I 'd try to help . That would mean re - contact , & anyway , there is no help from outside . He must recognize that he has problems , & deal with them . ( if that is actually possible ) His family seems to be in denial . Since I wasn 't interested in a sex only relationship , he announced that he was going to ' Sex only hook up web sites ' . ( to make me jealous ? A kind of sexual suicide ? ) Maybe he did ? That would fit … sex addict ? ( now he 's Macho dressed , with the para military haircut ) Now it 's , " Please come & visit me in my apartment . I 'm so alone & desperate after breaking up with my GF . " ( 3rd breakup with same GF . He always seems to be seen everywhere I go after he breaks up with her ! Stalking . ) Now it 's , " I 've changed my ways & want a Serious Committed Relationship . " When I didn 't go for that old fib , it 's , " I 'm going on web dating sites to find a Younger woman & have kids . " The ultimate neg … my age . 😉 I 'm sure he shaves a decade off his age , & checks out the 24 year olds . He seems to get no where with them . He completely changes his appearance several times a year to mirror his next victim . ( & it probably helps with stalking . ) This man clearly has no time for kids . He has told stories of a sad childhood , a violent anal rape by 2 older boys in high school . If these things happened as he says they did , I am So Sorry for him , but he has said so many transparent & absurd lies that I don 't believe much of what he has said any more . I 've stopped reading that web site , so I don 't have to put up with it any more . I can 't help him , & I won 't hurt myself trying to deal with his craziness . Reply Caty says : March 10 , 2014 at 12 : 09 pm Mine really made me laugh . Told me he was experiencing a combination of symptoms that with my medical knowledge I realised could only possibly be ebola ! ! : ) If he picked something a bit more realistic I probably would have believed him . I do believe he was a little sick , but exaggerated it significantly out of some desperation for my attention . This was immediately after discard , and just after I had blocked him on all forms of social media . Clearly he was scrambling to regain some attention and control , probably reeling from the fact I had not crawled after him begging to take me back . He also told me much earlier in the relationship that his mother had died , this was also not long after I had stopped contacting him following some egregious behaviour on his part . Something about it all was off , he told me inconsistent stories about what had happened that week . Despite research ( it happened in a country I cannot speak the language ) I have not yet been able to establish if his mother is alive still or not , but my instinct tells me she is . Still , I had to pretend to believe him , who would be callous enough not to show sympathy after someone 's mother has died - that is the kind of bind they put you in . You have suspicions but don 't act on them for fear of being callous in case it really were true . Reply Greg says : March 28 , 2014 at 9 : 19 pm Curious ; could you get off the illness trip ? I have no doubt they do , for mine did ; however , whenever I read anything about sociopaths , the writer " always " places emphasis on their own , personal experience ; therefore , the readers come away with a very narrow and limited view of what a sociopath actually is . What 's more , they 're not anti - social . If they were , they 'd call them Antipaths . Fact is , they 're insatiably social ; to the point that they can 't deceive , sleep with , or befriend enough people . In many ways , they 're a lot like monkeys ; they won 't let go of one victim ( branch ) , til they have a firm grip on the next . This requires a vast resource of victims , in addition to a vast number of accomplices ; who ultimately become victims themselves … Reply positivagirl says : March 29 , 2014 at 8 : 15 am Interesting that the writer " always " … . Yet I write about more than one person . Reply Pheonix Rising says : April 3 , 2014 at 5 : 17 am Hi Greg , Look up / google socialized sociopaths & covert narcissists & you will find your right in regard to having many supporters / followers / enablers etc … My soc / narc , never discards but , covets all his possessions , the material & human ones . I would still be in his ' collection ' but , an OW accidently left the cage door open ! Lol Reply Misspantz says : April 14 , 2014 at 3 : 20 am My sociopath moved out of town after the first year of dating , and a further two or three years of long distance took its toll and I finally broke up with him . When I started seeing a new man he got melanoma , and when the relationship became serious , his cancer became terminal . I gave up my boyfriend to move back in with my ex and cared for him through two years of sickness . A couple of months ago I discovered he 's been married since the second year of our relationship , and the cancer ( and his Dad 's heart transplant to boot ) was completely fabricated . I met him eight years ago . It was incredible to find this post - I 've been searching for stories similar to mine for support and haven 't been able to find any terminal cancer cons that weren 't for monetary gain . Any recommendations on other sites to visit would be great . This blog feels so much closer to the experiences I had , and what I believe is in my sociopath 's head than anything else I 've read . Thanks for creating it . Reply positivagirl says : April 18 , 2014 at 2 : 26 am The cancer con is a common one . I experienced it , and I know that a lot of others have reported it . i think that cancer is a favourite , as it really pulls on your heartstrings . it makes you feel responsible for them . It also makes you feel like you cant be mean to them , afterall they are about to die . This gives the ultimate power and control and ability to manipulate you . They can do this as they have no conscience , and don 't feel remorse or shame . Often once they have learned this pattern and learned that it was affective ( and powerful ) they will use it again and again with future partners . Reply Survivor1 says : May 27 , 2014 at 6 : 38 pm I 'm not entirely sure my ex is a sociopath although my friend who is a consultant psychotherapist thinks he may be a psychopath ! But I did laugh when I saw the title of this post . I was never allowed to be ill during my marriage . If I ever had a cold etc I was met with ' oh , I 've had a cold all week but you haven 't noticed , you don 't care ' . He was constantly ill with one thing or another and if I didn 't play the sympathy game he would get very angry . It was exhausting . I felt sucked dry . The funniest thing was at the end of the marriage when he was given antidepressants by the Dr and he told me she was trying to kill him and that he had erectile dysfunction after just one tablet . I am a nurse so I know that antidepressants take at least a month to get into the system . It was just a ploy to not have to take the tablets . So weird . Reply Learning From The Past says : February 13 , 2015 at 4 : 11 pm Mine lied about " being in a motorcycle accident , with 2nd degree burns , and unable to walk . Absolutely devastating as a dancer ( we are both professional dancers ) , and it 's changed how I treat people . " ( Her exact words . ) I really believed her and was willing to take her back ! But then she blocked me on Facebook after requesting that we " resume our relationship " ( huh ? ! ) , so I decided to just do a quick search on Instagram and sure enough … . she posted recent pictures of herself , walking , posing … and actually dancing ! ? ( What ? ! ) I know , she would accuse me of " stalking her " because I decided to check there , but I just had to know , and to me , " stalking " is for the goal of keeping the person . After seeing pictures that contradicted what she said , I WANT TO STAY AWAY FROM HER ! She would also say that I should trust her and not check up on her , but considering that the last time we were together , she lied about quitting doing drugs and drinking ( she 's an alcoholic by her own admission and possibly why she wants to be with me , because I don 't drink and I also teach fitness ) , and that when I called it off because of that and catching her cheating with several other guys ( ! ) , she stalked me , sending harassing and threatening ( ! ) text and Facebook messages before I tried to get a restraining order on her … I felt I should at least check to make sure that she 's telling the truth this time before blindly taking her back again on her word alone . Reply Janet says : April 24 , 2015 at 10 : 28 pm Mine likes to talk about ' ending it ' … all the time . He 'll be all dramatic and do it because he 's knows he 'll get my attention , and then seem completely fine the next day . It 's a mind fuck . They are master manipulators . Reply loop12east says : April 25 , 2015 at 2 : 59 pm No doubt I have not experienced this yet ! Just knock - down unbelievable and will be on the lookout for ~ they always got something from left field ! Thanks everyone for sharing ! Love to hear different stories … Edaldude , peace unefaune says : June 25 , 2015 at 6 : 47 am In my case , the disordered one had severe concussions . She truly did - but would NOT follow any treatment advice or plan . Would not go back to see her doctor , or any specialists . Then spent the next 3 years blaming things on the head injuries - anytime the arguments weren 't going her way - bam - she says her head is pounding , she needs to lie down . But the crazier thing is - she was obsessed with her dog having cancer . For years . She would be palpating the dog all the time - but wouldn 't talk to the vet or take the dog in . When it finally was getting worse ( dog was getting old ) she obsessed more , then set the date for the dog 's euth - even though the dog wasn 't going downhill . It was totally crazy . Dog was put down ( because she chose to ! ) and that became a central focus . She started lying way more around that time , probably because everything she did could be excused as " upset due to dog 's death . " Reply hopespringetheternal says : June 30 , 2015 at 4 : 52 pm Mine told so many lies even to this day I don 't know what the truth about him was , even more disturbing I don 't think he knows either . He hooked me at the beginning by saying he tried to commit suicide when his wife left him , I later discovered he drove her to leave him , but conveniently omitted that as that wouldn 't be a good ' pity play ' . He lied about his past life because if I had known the truth I would not have entertained him . . Now he has a brand new victim I wonder what lies he is telling . her Probably what a terrible person I am and I too drove him to suicide . . He is still alive , mores the pity . Don 't feel bad . Lies lies lies . It 's what they do . All socios . The ex hid his REAL residence for the entire YEAR we were together , hid his religion , faked his nationalities ( he said he 's Italian and Puerto Rican , but he 's Arab and Muslim ) had two other girlfriends ( living with one of them ) . He FAKED JOBS to have free time with the others . He seemed like a real boyfriend since I was at his FAKE apartment every weekend overnight . How would I not think he 's all mine ? Lol . They are a different species . We will NEVER know EVERYTHING about them . We have to move forward . I 'm 100 % healed after coming to this sight for months . You will be too . You 'll see . Xx Reply FedUpFrannie says : July 25 , 2015 at 7 : 32 pm I 'm curious if anyone knows of a specialist in detecting sociopaths ? We are absolutely sure that my husbands ex wife is a sociopath , but she 's easily able to fool doctors and courts into thinking she 's either perfectly normal , or " just having some hard times " that she 'll get past . ( The victim of course , poor thing ) . She hasn 't seen or spoken to her kids in years , and now all of a sudden she wants them back . We 'd like to find someone who can tell the court exactly why they shouldn 't go back to her , but we can 't seem to find anyone to take on this daunting task . Reply Erica Harris says : October 23 , 2015 at 2 : 44 pm I am right now in emergency room , my husband who two days ago physically attacked me , for which he has not apologized nor is he remorseful . Now he says he is having chest pains . I am questioning this , he texted me before we went to er that I don 't care . I feel like this is a ploy for sympathy . carrie says : November 17 , 2015 at 7 : 10 am I just found this blog and I am SO DAMN GLAD I DID ! ! ! FIrst of all I have to comment on the post from Erica … this is exactly what was happening to me for years on end with my soc / narc . He cried wolf over and over and when I would finally have enough and force him to seek medical attention , he would have a " true " ailment , and then use the " see see , I wasn 't lying " ploy to keep me questioning my sanity . I am a nurse , and I knew 95 % of his illness / injury was faked so he could get out of something . Majority of the time it was so he could isolate himself in bed and play on his phone . { lazy } Otherwise I would ask him to be an adult and do chores around the house or repair things , you know , like husbands do ? Or the time he injured himself on the job but refused to follow up with a doctor until we were 2 weeks away from moving to another state . Then he decides its time to have his knee operated on , after we purchased another home and I accepted another job … . ugh … . But anyway , after about 5 years of my life being utter turmoil with 2 major spine surgeries , losing my mother , my brother and nephew to unexpected death and losing our house because he chose to go to school rather than keep a job , I was in no condition to question the crap he was pulling on me ! I was in a mental and emotional fog for so long , I couldn 't and didn 't have the strength to fight all the mental battles he was putting up in front of me , so I let alot of stuff slide . I do recognize my lack of fighting those battles has led this to drag on and on , but in my defense I did kick him out for 6 months and made him do 5 things before he could return . Which he did but it wasn 't long after he moved back in when he went right back to his borderline soc behaviors . Like after my 2nd surgery and I was in ICU the night of recovery and he showed up to " take care of me " but instead kept me up the entire night with his coughing because he decided to quit smoking the night before . Finally my surgeon came I am now 15 years into this relationship and have had enough ! ! I have held his hand through getting a good job and license to do it , and he is know making a great living so I can get back the $ 35 , 000 of my retirement I had to spend to keep us afloat while he dilly dallied around and jumped from job to job . I have a plan in place to recoup my funds , pay off my debts , and get a large emergency fund in place . I have just submitted an application for a job for him in another state , and if it goes through , I will send his butt down there in a RV to work and quietly back out ever so slowly , mental emotion and financial health in check . I know alot of people would probably say Why are you waiting , just get out now ? Well , I am pretty smart cookie , and I know exactly what I am dealing with . I am medically not able to work anymore , so recouping that money is a # ' 1 priority , and as with many couples , and you all well know , the trait of the soc / narc is make you dependent on them . Which mine did , but I was smart enough to get control over the finances . So I know where the money is , how it is spent and I also know how to skim enough off to make a nice nest egg for myself . I am not callous enough to leave him with nothing , although I am sure he would think nothing of doing it to me . Plus I also know he is planning on making himself the victim in all this , so I have not one qualm of making sure I am prepared in every aspect before I send him packing . I will make sure he has a roof { RV } and job , and at least a few thousand to sustain himself . But there is no way on earth I could see myself with this type of human being when I become invalid . Its is very sad to say that , I do actually love the guy { like a friend } but after this many years of emotional , financial and verbal abuse , the lies , the turmoil and having to listen to his " I am a genius " and everyone else is beneath me , on top of the absence of affection or attention on his part , it is time to regain my life , my sanity and find someone who truly adores me . I think I desI would suggest to all the older females { and males for that matter } on this blog to ask yourself if you can leave your pets alone with this person for any extended period of time , and if the answer is no , then you need to do some serious planning to get out now before you are at their mercy ! ! Reply Eve Jones says : December 1 , 2015 at 10 : 06 pm I dated a psychopath medicine man spiritual leader who lives in California . I always felt he was a con artist but he played so well I spent a lot of time with him . He was saying I was the love of his life , but later I found he had many other women . He once left me without saying goodbye in a wisdom gathering in Sedona . Later I found out it was to have a threesome with 2 German ladies . Um , now he has stage 4 cancer . I took care of him for a while . He was still constantly lying , but I decided to unconditionally love him . After a while I was sick myself and he didn 't want to help with rent and whatnot while staying here . So he went to Arizona for a while . This woman was helping him and went to the doctor with him and he didn 't have a tumor on his pancreas , but ulcers and a small tumor in the colon . ALL this time he is getting DONATIONS and MARAJUANA donations to cure his cancer . He told me that people wanted to give him money but he didn 't want it . I knew he had gotten one donation of $ 300 , 000 a year before . there is a famous doctor that treats cancer with cannabis and Bavado went there for treatment . The lady in Arizona found that he was an angry narcissist who lied about everything and stopped working with him . The LA doctor also said that he didn 't have cancer and that a group had given him $ 150 , 000 six months earlier . He said that he had seen this guys papers from 4 years ago when her had cured his stage 4 cancer and the papers said he just had ulcers . He had been trying to get that same group to pay for his treatments . I could go on for hours . I was with him for a year . I live on the east coast . I realized that something was fishy , that he had been on heavy MARAJUANA and pain killers for 4 months , living for free and me putting up with his intense anger because I thought it was the pain and the drugs making him so angry . He wanted me to go take care of him out there , but I required to be publicly acknowledged . Odd that I was the love of his life and that he had changed but keep his hiding tricks . Also , I said he had to pay , because taking care of him was a full time job . I realized he was just lying in bed , drugged up . His personality had not changed at all when faced with stage 4 cancer . He is a famous medicine man , yet he did nothing spiritual at all . It was awful . People explained to me that the sicker he is the more Money , Cannabis , Drugs and DONATIONS he is getting . Just like in some of the other stories he would go to the hospital for a few days , get morphine and pain killers and lots of tests . He went to the hospital in DC . Palm Springs , LA and Arizona … all for a few days and to get tests . He lost lost of weight . I was sure he was really sick all that time . Until I got suspicious and found the psychopath narcissist websites where I found his every behavior to a T , including faking cancer . Well now with the medical MARAJUANA ( which I think is great for those who need it ) it 's going to be drug addicts looking for drug donations . That 's what he did . It came in the mail from all over ! ! He was stoned and high on pain killers for the last 4 months . I have since learned he has gotten millions in donations . Blue Thunder , Bavado OMG full blown con artist psychopath . I was happy to find this out and glad he is not going to die at any moment . That was so stressful . Reply Julia says : January 24 , 2016 at 11 : 14 am In a twist on this , the one I knew actually did have cancer … I do know that for sure . It was how I fell back into the web . This article really hit me in the gut , but also helps me forgive myself a little bit . Thanks . Reply s says : January 26 , 2016 at 7 : 28 am Is there are way to find out for sure if they are really sick or not ? To push the issue without saying you dont believe them ? Maybe go to the doctor with them and see what they say for yourself ? Reply positivagirl says : January 29 , 2016 at 10 : 53 am That would just suck you into more lies . But yes offer to go with them . Likely you would see further excuses mirroring and deflection Reply mysafariblog says : February 18 , 2016 at 11 : 46 am Can I ask a question regarding the lack of conscience ? If sociopaths are created in childhood , surely they would still have a conscience ? If you are born with one , would it really just disappear ? I 'm still trying to decide whether or not my ex fits into this category , as he has all the characteristics but I just can 't believe the no conscience part . I think he 's a seriously emotionally damaged person that caused me an indescribable amount of pain , but in the end he let me go because he knew he was bad news for me . He did , however , to then proceed to triangulate me with his new fiancee and when I called him out on it he told me I was an awful person and the biggest mistake of his life , so who knows . Either he was genuinely feeling bad for all the crap he put me through , or he just had this girl in his sights since I told him I was leaving and was saying all the right things … . People say I should stop thinking about it and just move on , but I don 't think they can comprehend the effect that 13 years of emotional abuse can have on a person . Regarding the faking illness , this was a hard one for me because he genuinely did had encephalitis and meningitis early on in our relationship . However 10 years after that , every time I went to visit my parents for a few weeks there would be some terrible flu / recurrence of previous symptoms that miraculously disappeared the moment I got back and there was always an excuse for me not going to the doctor with him . He even tried it on me last week and we 've been broken up for over 9 months ! I 'm tired of the mind games , as I still fall for them despite knowing better ! Luckily we only talk once every couple of months because we still own a business together . Reply positivagirl says : February 21 , 2016 at 5 : 49 am I don 't think that conscience is something that is developed from birth . If you think about your life as a baby , it is all about you , and your parents are there for your own needs . I think that this trait continues in early childhood . You think that your parents are there to serve you . I am unsure at what age you begin to have conscience and thought for others in a truly empathetic way ? Possibly 7 / 8 ? I don 't know I will look it up . Maybe that is the age that the damage is done ? I do know that sociopaths can act like a child , like a stuck record where they do not know where to go next , it just around the circle again , until the cycle completes one more time , then again and again … . Reply mysafariblog says : February 21 , 2016 at 4 : 25 pm Thank you for taking the time to reply . I hadn 't thought about it that way . I guess I just always thought that most people were born inherently good with a conscience that they could either ignore or listen to when they got older . I 'm pretty sure my ex had a conscience that he managed to suppress so I guess just has some sort of a borderline personality disorder . I suppose I 'll never know and need to accept that and find a way to stay positive that I 'm not the person he managed to convince me I was . positivagirl says : February 21 , 2016 at 6 : 12 pm I think that psychopaths are born without a conscience . Sociopaths i think that they do have a conscience and some have empathy especially disempathetic types . Many have no real conscience it is what it sets them apart from other types of personality disorder . Serenity says : March 28 , 2016 at 6 : 54 pm Mine had regional pain syndrome in his leg following an accident at work … the first six months together he constantly had hospital appointments that I could never go to with him … turns out he was cheating on me with numerous women . Stupidly , I took him back five months later ( after some top wooing , marriage proposal etc ) … . anytime we had an argument or something was wrong with me , his leg suddenly got really bad again , or he would say that he had a fall but there were never any marks to back this up . Thankfully I have been free of him for two months now … I just pity his next victim . Reply positivagirl says : March 29 , 2016 at 12 : 10 am Mine would have a variety of ' illness ' es ' always it was dramatic , and nothing that could be proven . Look how evil I am not believing him . 9 / 10 it was manipulation . I felt really bad when he did get sick . It never made sense to me , why lie ? But then he lied about pretty much everything 😦 Reply positivagirl says : March 30 , 2016 at 4 : 59 pm Hi Angie , faking cancer is a common one . It is about manipulating you . Being in control , of you your emotions and feelings . It isn 't much but this is the way that they are . However , with what you say , they just like lying , they love lying . They would say that black was white and the sky was green if they could get away with it , and if they couldn 't get away with it would love it more ! ! ! It is all about the lie . The fact that you are thinking of him , trying to figure it out now , means he won . Control of your thoughts ! I was seeing a man , I broke up with him recently . I learned how to trust my gut feeling after being engage to a sociopath for 3 years . For some reason I could not trust this new man , he seems elegant and classy , and very calm in the beginning . He doesn 't drink , and smoke , and I felt like he doesn 't care that much about being physically intimate right away . So I thought he 's being gentlemen and really interested in knowing me for the good reasons . I 'm single mom I have 2 daughters . It Took me a long time to recover from the first relationship . Now this man I broke up with him , we met 3 years ago and I broke up with him 3 times in the past , but he keeps coming back and find a way to get my attention again only for a short time , then I feel like I need to run away from him for some reason . first time I met him I was not ready to see anyone because I was just recovering from my ex , and I could not since he cared about my girls , I had to broke up with him anyway cause I thought I need more time Before I get involved with anyone . once he sensed that I 'm done , I believe he faked an injury to get my attention , followed by very mean text and he crossed the line by calling me names , then he apologized . In my mind I thought He was acting like a child to get the parent attention . I Ignored him completely , because I can sense he 's was trying to manipulate me . I changed my number because of my ex fiancé and I moved from my city to a different city . After 2 years he found me again ( man number 2 ) I decided to give him another chance , because I thought I wasn 't fair giving him enough time the first time . He always seems sweet to me when we meet , He act like a complete gentlemen , But when I go back home I have this uncomfortable feeling , I can 't describe . When we text I can since he 's hiding something and he 's pretending to be the man of my dreams . We 've talked about the future and marriage , but not so much my girls . I am looking for a family man and he doesn 't seems like a family man , even though he 's Thank you so much for your time ! 🙂 Reply Bex says : August 31 , 2016 at 12 : 09 am My sociopath ex after years of faking every flu , cold illness or sinus problems and now has arthritis in both hands . His family has a history of heart problems and now he 's plays on that He is with another victim now and my daughter went to see him at his moms the other day and sure enough he had to go and have a lie down because of another head ache and put it down to stress from work . I on the other hand know it 's just another excuse for sympathy and probably hiding another lie . I even wondered if he was cheating on her . My kids feel sorry for him thinking he has to work for two homes and that 's why he looks so ill all the time he 's even gone to the extreme of loosing loads of weight . He has lots of sociopathic traits eg telling me he loved me after two months , lies a lot , cheated repeatedly , dragged my name through mud since splitting even as far to say I abused him . I also think his mother is a narcissist . Need some advice please He told me he has leukemia and is getting a bone marrow transplant the following month . He gets chemo treatments several times a week . Naturally I felt bad for him and said how sorry I was , etc . In the back of my mind I was wondering why he made contact with me after all this time . Said he missed me , thought of me often and called me honey , sweetie but not my name . Anyway , I go to the site and sure enough I recognize several of his ads . In fact there are 6 of them where he varies his age a bit . I also see two ads posted on another site far away from where he lives ( toronto ) . This is where his brother , sister and mother live . He visits them from time to time on holidays . In this ad he says he is lonely and married , looking for a lonely married women to text . He said he was not from there but will be visiting due to a medical issue . He suggested they meet up when he is there . Can you folks confirm , from all this behavior , that he is faking it ? Why would a guy who is so sick with cancer be posting these types of ads , meeting up women for massages and planning on seeing a married women while undergoing such a hugely serious procedure ? It just doesn 't make any sense . Reply Debbie Regehr says : November 20 , 2016 at 6 : 10 am That 's just it , I am not sure he is being truthful about having cancer . There is no way for me to verify his information either as health records are private . Given his past history of frequent lying , I am taking it all with a grain of salt . Who knows , maybe he does have the disease . It 's a great way to have someone feel sorry for you and shower you with loving attention . Reply positivagirl says : November 20 , 2016 at 7 : 24 pm Ok , this is my knowledge and understanding . Because they lie SO much . When they DO have a reason for getting attention - they provide EVIDENCE = if he isn 't and he knows that you know about his history of lying , I would bet that this cancer claim is possibly untrue . Reply Dorothea says : December 29 , 2016 at 7 : 09 am this is very very helpful . Thank you all for this site . I am adding some of these to a reminder thread on my twitter , because it is so easy to forget . or want to believe they can be better . They can 't . Reply positivagirl says : December 29 , 2016 at 9 : 36 am Thank you Dorothea this is one of my favourites - I remember the constant sickness ruse to manipulate and control me . Rarely was it true . Sadly when he genuinely did become sick I struggled to believe him 😦 Reply JoJo says : January 25 , 2017 at 7 : 31 pm Stay strong Don 't let them win . I 'm just coming out of the hell after a Christmas / New Year betrayal . It will take some strength to purge their toxicity from your system . Day 13 but am slowly slowly getting there . Cannot recommend this site and No Contact Guide plus calendar enough ! ! https : / / www . google . co . uk / amp / s / letmereach . com / 2014 / 03 / 23 / cover - reveal - how - to - do - no - contact - like - a - boss / amp / Reply JoJo says : January 25 , 2017 at 3 : 34 pm When my SP met me he confessed to Etectile Dysfunction at the outset . For 2 . 5 years I put that aside as I enjoyed his company so much ( actually , probably my own company if he was mirroring , lol ! ) Either way , I now recognise that he used this plus a mind - boggling string of proclaimed ailments to justify his hot / cold behaviour ( I am now a walking medical encyclopaedia ! ! ) . When caught out lying , over anything , or challenged on any way he would disappear and claim a weekend of high temperatures 🤕🤒 or day 's of mysterious flu over weeks sometimes to avoid contact . Cowardly . And yet comes across as such an Alpha male . His twitter persona / alter ego is all macho extremism and ex military bluff . He 's a gorgeous , tall 56 year old with charm and intelligence and wit to die for . But he is impotent in more ways than one . Day 13 of no contact which I am finding excruciating but necessary . This site helps keep me on track ! ! Reply positivagirl says : January 25 , 2017 at 7 : 02 pm Hey Jojo - I know - unreal right the amount of ailments that they can come up with . This is pity play and manipulating and controlling you . Reply JoJo says : January 25 , 2017 at 7 : 10 pm Interesting that , at the point of discard ( or , rather , me discarding him ) he suddenly came up with the epiphany that all his ailments were now cured and had probably been psychosomatic ! ! ! In hindsight , that was probably an attempt at making me wish I would now be with him ; a way to torment / dangle the carrot ( so to speak , lol ) . I 'd put nothing past him . Tully says : March 6 , 2017 at 3 : 09 pm This JUST happened to me . However this was a 16 year lie from my best friend of over 23 years ! I am still in shock as this was only recently confirmed ( a week ago ) . The worst part of all is that she took her own life a few months ago and we will never have answers to so many questions . I am not only devastated by her death , but I feel betrayed , confused and angry ! I also feel like an utter fool . The person I have loved for the majority of my adult life was not the person I thought she was ! I want to cling to her good side but I have no way of knowing what was true and what was not ! So many unanswered questions ! Top Posts & Pages Lack of empathy , guilt , remorse or shame The sociopath will always accuse YOU of what they are guilty of themself Top 18 signs that you were dating sociopath ! ! Losing control over YOU will cause the sociopath to lose control over themselves ( and then anything is possible ) Don 't feel jealous when he moves onto someone new ! How to Cope with Sociopath Ruining and Smear Campaigns What does the sociopath fear ? Seducing and love bombing I love you ! The sociopath ' sickness saga ' Blog at WordPress . com .
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Step through the web into my life . Read the ramblings of daily existence . My life , though by no means mundane in the overall picture , possesses such poignant moments that sometimes I just shake my head and wonder where the cameras are because it can 't be real . Then I realize - - THIS is what it 's all about ! I visit my OWN blog so that I can listen to my top 2 songs on my playlist ! I LOVE EM ! Happy New Year Everyone . I 've got 3 hours before people show up - - food 's not ready , house isnt ' clean and I DON ' T CARE ! ha ha ha ha ha ! it just keeps on raining , doesn 't it ? I feel that way sometimes . . . and generally I TRY to be a glass - half - full kinda girl . But I 'm an optimistic pessimist . : ) At least that way I 'm not shocked either way . But the plumbing at my house has gone from bad to worse . . . my toilet . . . has had the flap replaced ( not by a professional ) but now instead of just flushing and walking away . . you have to HOLD the handle down to make sure the flush " takes . " It 's beyond annoying . The guest bath downstairs . . . if you don 't stay by it when you flush to " jiggle " the handle , the toilet will just run . Then both toilets upstairs appear to have a leak somewhere because they BOTH flush on their own . So , I need ALL FOUR toilets in my home completely gutted and overhauled . Couple that with the outdoor spigot outside in the front of the house that I can 't seem to get to shut off completely . . . . the dishwasher that one out of every four washes doesn 't drain all the way . . . and I feel like a call to Roto Rooter is in order ! : ( I hate the thought of that though . . . . I just hear " ka ching " just saying it . I feel like today is the FIRST DAY that I have actually RESTED in about three weeks . Holy cow Batman where in the world did the month go ? Today my mom took J to the airport to go to Iowa to have Christmas with his dad . So , as soon as I woke up this morning , I went to his room and basically started the whole " new year organizational movement " : ) I went through his closet and cleaned out . . . cleaned out drawers . . . cleaned out bathroom cabinets and drawers . . . clean out under the bed . . . cleaned out his bookshelves . D and I put together his GeoTrax world ( with his two airplane sets that he got for Christmas ) . It was fun . : ) We sat up there running things like crazy people . We came downstairs and watched Man vs . Wild for a bit . Oh . . . and D is now the Wii Master . : ) He played on the new Wii with his dad and seriously kicked his butt at bowling . It 's too funny . He 's laying on the couch right now . . . watching Sponge Bob ( don 't know why ) but . . . we 're just chilling until it 's time for him to go to bed and then I 'm going to go to bed early tonight . Since relaxing today for a while I was able to see a lot of commercials ( something you actually have to sit through when watching live television ( it really sucks , by the way ) . There are a LOT of new movies coming out that I 'd like to see - - not that I 'd remember them but Hotel for Dogs looks absolutely cute ! There is a new creepy one called Born or something like that . . . looks just downright creepy . . . One with Will Smith . . . that looked good . Tom Cruise . . . he 's just too damn freaky for me to even appreciate him as an actor anymore so the movie about Hitler . . . no thanks . Josh wants to see the next Chronicles of Narnia . . . but I told him we needed to read the books for THEN go see the movie . : ) I wanted him FOR ONCE to have read the book FIRST before he sees a movie . . . . just to have that comparison in his brain . We 'll see if he can hold up that request of mine while he 's up there for 2 weeks ( thanks to homeschooling ) . Oh . . . and please say some prayers for my sister 's mother - in - law . She passat I got this several years ago and it still cracks me up every time ! Schizophrenia - - - Do You Hear What I Hear ? Multiple Personality Disorder - - - We Three Kings Disoriented AreDementia - - - I Think I 'll be Home for ChristmasNarcissistic - - - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About MeManic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and . . . . . Paranoid - - - Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me Borderline Personality Disorder - - - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire Personality Disorder - - - You Better Watch Out , I 'm Gonna Cry , I 'm Gonna Pout , Maybe I 'll Tell You Why Attention Deficit Disorder - - - Silent night , Holy ooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate , why is France so far away ? Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - - - Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle , Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells . . . . . . . . . . . at The posts are going to be out of order as I play catch up for the last month over the next two weeks while Josh is in Iowa visiting his father ( he leaves the 26th ) . That will give me the opportunity to download many photos - upload them to Photobucket - and make my entries . I 've actually started a new habit of carrying my dictaphone around with me . . in the car . . . in my pocket to just record tid bits of information as I go on about my day since I know that I don 't have as much time before the computer as I usually did now that I 'm homeschooling Joshua ( and , honestly , I don 't mind a bit ! ) This day started out great - - up early with a family breakfast casserole . . . baked some homemade chocolate chip cookies . . . sugar cookies . . . wrapped some gifts . . . dad showed up and wrapped some of his gifts and THANK GOD the UPS driver made it here with the grandparent photo books I do every year ! I can 't say enough good things about Snapfish for their excellent shipping this time of year ! I 'm DELIGHTED . . . and WHEW ! ha ha ! Talk about cutting it close ! Today is Christmas Eve . . . this is the evening that Mary and Joseph ceased their travels . . . no room for them in the inn and so she took up in a stable . . . amid animals . . . and proceeded to give birth to the King of the World . What humble beginnings . For any day when you think that you 've got it bad . . . just imagine from where He began . . . and know that you , too , can do great things . Tonight just before coming down here , I gave Little D a dose of over - the - counter flu meds ( which probably means he 'll be waking up early when they wear off ) . . . because he 's had a pretty nasty cough and small fever today . . . I let them both open their only present they get to open on Christmas Eve at OUR house ( jammies ) . Matching red plaid Christmas jammies . They loved them and immediately put them on . : ) Little D had to have safety pins placed on both sides since he 's such a skinny little toot . Big J 's were a tad long so they were cuffed at the bottom but they both get SO excited for their new Christmas jammies . At9 : 45 PM SOMEone decided to bring in the boxes that contain my gifts . . . and Little D was so obsessed to see what was in it so he could come running around the corner to tell me I had pajamas with snowflakes on it . . . So the cat is out of the bag . . . BUT it 's something I ALWAYS love to get - - NEW PJ 's ! : ) Then Josh just passes by with a " newsflash " . . . " Mom " , he says smiling to hide a laugh , " we have no idea how to wrap . Part of the box is showing . " Then he hits the gift wrap center of the house . . . and takes scissors , three rolls of paper , tape and a big ole grin back to the closet and shuts the door . Amazingly Drew hasn 't come in here eager to spill more beans . : ) ( darn ) Thanks everyone for dropping notes by to see how and where I am . No , I didn 't fall off the face of the earth , it 's just more like ' tis the season to be super busy . : ) I 'm missing on recording all kinds of crazy things ! I am getting it down . . . just not on the blog ! BUT one of the topics of conversation lately is what to do with Christmas cards . How to reuse or recycle them . While I can 't say that I 've ever recycled a Christmas card , I 've certainly reused them . Mostly , these days , we receive photo cards . How can you possibly reuse or recycle these ? Simple ! What I did was go to Joann 's when they were having 50 % off their frames . I bought two HUGE matching frames . I removed the glass and the cardboard that is usually inside them as padding . In their place , I cut to size a huge piece of black foam core board . Then as I got photos of loved ones and Christmas photocards , I would trim them and then just pin them up to the foamboard . When I walk by I get to be surrounded by those that we love and hold dear every day . It also remindes me to continually pray for my friends and family . So , here are a couple of photos so you can actually SEE what I 'm talking about . and because I use just regular pins and not quilter 's pins , they 're virtually invisible . . . here 's a side view so you can see what the pins look like Well , I don 't LOVE them . . . but I love how they have their Build and Grow workshops every month and I get ot take my kids into build something cute and fun and FREE ! We did a gingerbread house this time . It 's quite fun . Later in the evening we went to ride the Polar Express in Grapevine ! Originally the boys were dressed up to see Santa at Bass Pro before we went to the train but after waiting in line about 15 minutes , I was approached by an elf that said I wasn 't allowed to be in line that I had to go pick up a ticket to be in line . The next available time frame was 7 : 30 ( it was just now 5 : 20 ) . So , they lost our business and we headed to the Grapevine Railroad to catch the train ! : ) First you start out in a tent and they do a little pre - show song selection . . . have some " local celebrity kid " ( that means a girl that was on Barney as a child ) sing songs like Rudolph and such . . . all the kids sing Jingle Bells , that sort of thing . Then you get lined up and board the train . It 's neat to ride the train but once it goes a little fast , Josh is concerned about how much it sways . Frankly , so was I . ha ha ! A little further down the track , a conductor makes his way through the cars punching everyone 's ticket . Josh is expecting him to be like Tom Hanks in The Polar Express and punch out a word in everyone 's ticket . When the conductor hands Josh back his ticket and he 's just punched 3 random holes in it . . . he says , " he punched three holes ? Three holes ? What 's that ? " I wanted to laugh but I just explained to him that this experience is more for the little kids that just believe with all their heart because they 're just along to have fun and not question everything . Then a little further down the track , Santa makes his way through the train cars greeting every child on board . Josh 's only point in life at that purpose was to know whether or not it was the REAL Santa . His obsession with it has started to annoy me . . . . instead of just having fun he has to question everything . He boards our car and Josh immediately turns to me and says at Thank GOD for the little men in a package or we wouldn 't have had cookies this year . I had NO TIME it seems to make cookies but when we went to Target , they had a gingerbread man decorating kit and voila - - instant fun ! Josh is my artist trying his best to do it ALL all by himself . This little guy liked playing in the frosting . . . see ? and this big guy liked eating itThese are the little products of my little men . with two wiggly , giggly , silly boys . Yes , it 's Christmas card time and I was TRYING to make the perfect photo of them sleeping in my bed . I am going to then edit the photo with text that says " . . . while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads . " on the top . So I had to try several tricks to get " the shot . " See if you can picture this now , I have little Drew - - that as soon as he looks to see his brother attempting to pretend to sleep - - decides to whack him with his stuffed animal square in the head and they start an all out , no - holds - barred stuffed animal war . . . or just the trying - to - be - so - serious - it - makes - me - giggle fit phase . Check out some of these . . . But this one is almost too real . . . I love this shot : ) So sweet . . . and after a while . . . it was just fun to get some cute close ups of them both . : ) Such cuties ! I don 't know if he knows how photogenic he is ! Crazy kid . . . I love to decorate my house for Christmas . : ) This year was no exception though I didn 't do as much as I normally do , I just concentrated on what mattered most to me and what was just in good taste . : ) Couple that with the fact that while putting garland on the chandlier in my formal dining room I broke it and now we have no light in there . . . I drew the limits in some areas . ( ha ) Here are some of my favorite rooms . Family room mantleMy santa collection on the marble topped sofa table in the formal living roomMy little mini tree ( like 18 " high ) in the downstairs guest bathOne of my little houses that is set up on the hutchOne of my favorite ornaments , from Hawaii . One of my santa ornaments ( I collect them ) And the tree . . . and I swear it 's not leaning - - I was . . . LOL Today is the big day - - Drew 's Christmas musical . : ) I so look forward to this every year . And every year , some how , Drew and his buddy Austin ( seen here in plaid - isn 't he a cutie ? ) . . . wind up next to one another and make some sort of scene ( silly and adorable , but albeit a scene ) . : ) This year was no exception . : ) I don 't have a digital video camera so I can 't share it with you but . . . it was still adorable . : ) Josh , since he 's now being homeschooled was there . Andy came as well as his parents and my father came as well . And , as always , we sit in the balcony with Austin 's parents . . . I just adore this family ! Just adore them ! My pictures didn 't come out too well . I need new batteries for my camera and the lighting from the balcony stinks when you 're trying to get a crisp shot WITHOUT a flash . . . . I really need to learn to use the darn thing ! Here is Drew and one of his teachers before their big moment . and I was shooting video so I have none of the event itself - - relying on my friend Heather for those ( hopefully ) but here is a shot as he 's leaving the sanctuary . After that , I headed over to MonArt to let Joshua try out an art class there . The Basic Elements of Drawing or something like that . He came out of there with an awesome shadowed dragon 's foot . . . and a desire to go back . I think it 's pretty cool and I love to foster whatever he 's interested in . If it 's drawing , I 'll sign him up for drawing . So , we 'll see how it goes ! I 'll scan in the foot at a later time and post it here . Later that night was out to eat at the Red Lobster , which Drew affectionally refers to as the " Crusty Crab " ( gotta love how Sponge Bob just squishes into every element of your life SOME HOW ! And then today 's finale . . . Drew 's first Maverick 's game ! He had a BLAST ! Josh had his binoculars and was staring at Shaq 's feet but Drew was more blown away by the halftime show , Quick Change , than anything . This is it . . . way cool . I would LOVE to know how the heck they do this ! I dropped Drew off at mom 's and went to meet with the PA at the Baylor Scoliosis Center . I was diagnosed with scoliosis at a young age but never did anything about it . Lately my back is really bothering me more and my purse , while I can only carry it on my left shoulder because of the uneven - ness between the two shoulders . . . I haven 't been able to carry anything on it b / c it just slides off . . . After x - rays and the like . . . I have seen my neck is like an " s " and my back is as well . . . there 's quite a difference in my shoulders and also in my hips . Crazy the body can do things like this BUT I 'm not " severe " so no requirement or suggestion of surgery ( thank goodness ! ) . I have to do some PT and core strengthening exercises and hopefully that will do it for me . : ) So that 's the deal on that ! : ) Well , the retailers didn 't get my help putting them in the BLACK for the year . : ) I slept in . . . got up , dressed and took Drew to see Disney on Ice at the Fort Worth Convention Center . It was really cute . The show started with a typical Disneyland Main Street Parade . The Incredibles are on vacation there just trying to be normal . . . but Syndrome has other plans . It was really cute . They totally had me laughing at Elastigirl 's padded butt in the casual clothes . ( Must be nice ! ) There were a couple of times they didn 't make the jumps . . . and busted ( ouch ) but they kept in stride with the program and Drew didn 't even seem to notice . I have to admit , that I think I get more out of watching him than I do from watching the shows . Just seeing him be so excited at the magical " ness " of the moment . . . it just brings tears to my eyes . I 'm such a freakin sap now that I 'm a mom - - or it could be PMS but I ; m going to go with the lesser of the two evils right now . : ) When I initially said I " d bought tickets Josh was really bummed he couldn 't go but , seriously , these programs are SO geared toward 6 and under . . . not 8 and up . He would have " enjoyed " it ( as did I ) but not . . . been excited about it . . . ya know ? We 're home now . . . Drew 's watching Arthur . . . I Just ate a small slice of dad 's vanilla wafer cake ( MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM ) and I changed into my comfy clothes . I was considering going to the Fort Worth Parade of Lights tonight . it starts in 1 hour and 15 minutes but . . . it 's 52 degrees with 84 % humidity and frankly . . . I would rather just snuggle and watch a movie . : ) Perhaps if I had a friend going too , it 'd be worth it but . . . it 's just still a little too chilly . BUT . . . going to Disney on Ice got me thinking . . . I 'd really like to go back to Disney - - perhaps I 'll just sneak a peek at the website . . . see if they 've got any deals going on . : ) From another blog HERE is a chance to win a children 's nativity set . What a great way to visualize the bible story of the greatest birth mankind has ever known ? I 've been trying to find ways to put Christ back in Christmas . . . and what a great way to do that ! at This weekend I went to Fredericksburg , Texas . One of my most favorite places to go . My dad went with me this weekend . It was really a nice trip . I picked him up from a car dealership and we drove down through Glen Rose , stopped and had some DELICIOUS barbeque and then on to F - burg . It got dark QUICK and there were LOTS of deer out ( ON THE ROAD ! ) UGH ! Made for a few interesting moments now and then . We got to the place that I love , Till 's Cabin . . . settled in and got a good night 's sleep . The next day we enjoyed some of their sweet bread ( made fresh in town ) and went shopping . I LOVE SHOPPING THERE ! I could move to that area of the state . . . it 's so beautiful and just . . . I love the country . . . I want land land land ! Anyhow - - that night we got back to the cabin , lit a fire in the fireplace and watched Texas Tech get their butts handed to them on a platter by Oklahoma . It was PAINFUL to watch . . . let me tell you ! At one point I just went to get a Subway just so I could leave the television ! Painful ! Pitiful ! Dreadful ! ( it was bad - - are you following me ? ) UGH ! The next mornign we got up and toured the Pacific War Museum and drove to Lukenbach and then headed home . It was a nice visit with dad and I hope we can do a small trip like that once or twice a year . : ) I think it was wonderful spending time just the two of us together . While I was there , I had a little friend visiting me - - from Alaska . . . A Scouting group I 'm a part of is doing a " Flat Stanley " project so I took him along and got some pictures of him everywhere as well . It was a hoot ! I hope they enjoyed that when they got it back home ! . . . with a cow named Otis . : ) ha ha ha . . . I absolutely adore the movie and TV show called Back at the Barnyard . It 's just brilliant ! I love the storylines , the writing is witty and it 's just . . . it is MY SHOW ! I LOVE IT ! I tivo Barnyard not for the boys , but for ME ! : ) IT IS MY SHOW ! The movie is genius ! I love the Kevin James ( King of Queens ) as Otis . . . I love Sam Elliot as Ben , Otis ' dad . . . Samuel Jackson as the stubborn mule . . . I love Biggie Cheese singing Boombastic in the barn ( Shaggy ) . It 's just . . . SO FREAKIN CLEVER ! This is one of my FAVORITE scenes . . . it 's when the farmer comes into the barn and sees all the animals up on 2 legs , talking and dancing . . . and gets whacked . The little rat is too cute . . . " I 've got a pulse . . . weeeeeeee " Check out the scene HERE Both my boys will just say this line and bust a gut laughing . . . I love Mrs . Beatty next door . . . she is just clever and I love how she 's NUTS with the talking animals . . . In one episode of the TV series , she decides to run for mayor " to put an end to talking animals " . . . when that doesn 't get a reaction she adds , " and I 'll make you fudge . " YOu HAVE to see this show ! Seriously ! and I didn 't really say a thing - - shame on me . We have paid $ 30 a year to the Lion 's club for them to come post a beautiful red , white and blue flag to fly at our house proudly on all major holidays . It 's a symbol of freedom that we should display every day but it seems like when it 's an every day thing , it becomes commonplace , but to preserve it for those days when we really SHOULD not take things for granted . . . it 's more poignant . It is the VETERAN , not the preacher , who has given us freedom of religion . It is the VETERAN , not the reporter , who has given us freedom of the press . It is the VETERAN , not the poet , who has given us freedom of speech . It is the VETERAN , not the campus organizer , who has given us freedom to assemble . It is the VETERAN , not the lawyer , who has given us the right to a fair trial . It is the VETERAN , not the politician , who has given us the right to vote . It is the VETERAN , who salutes the Flag , It is the VETERAN , who serves under the Flag , ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD , AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM . I have THIS link that was sent to me . . . a beautiful tribute to our veterans . I hope you take the time to view it and to share it with those you know and love . I am passing this on to you because it works , and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives . By following the advice heard on the Dr . Phil show , you can find inner peace . Dr . Phil said , ' The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished . ' So , I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn 't finished , and before leaving the house this morning , I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel , a bottle of Bailey 's Irish Cream , a package of Oreos , the remainder of my old Prozac prescription , the rest of the cheesecake , some Doritos , and a box of chocolates . You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now . Cheers , This should be printed and posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet nose height . Dear Dogs and / or Cats : The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food . The other dishes are mine and contain my food . Please note , placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish . I do not find it aesthetically pleasing in the slightest . The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack . Beating me to the bottom is not the object . Tripping me doesn 't help because I fall faster than you can run . I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed . I am very sorry about this . Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort . Dogs & cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep . It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible . I also know that sticking tails straight out & having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm . For the last time , there is no secret exit from the bathroom . If by some miracle I beat you there & manage to get the door shut , it isn 't necessary to claw & whine , try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge & try to pull the door open . I must exit through the same door that I entered . I have been using the bathroom for years - - canine or feline attendance is not required . The proper order is kiss me , then go smell the other dog or cat 's butt . I cannot stress this enough ! To pacify you , my dear pets , I will post the following message : To All Non - Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets They live here - You don 't . If you don 't want their hair on your clothes , stay off the furniture . That 's why they call it ' fur ' niture . I like my pets a lot better than I like most people . To you , they are an animal . To me , they are an adopted child who is short , hairy , walks on all fours and doesn 't speak clearly . . Remember : Dogs and cats are better than kids because they : 1 . Eat less2 . Don 't ask for money aat My mom is a pelothera of fun websites . . . some of the ones she 'd recently sent are below . EnjoyThe Christian Tree : This is a really neat way to read scripture . Check it out HEREFun Buildings : My mom sent me a link to a really neat website that lists a bunch of strange architectural feats . You can see it too HEREIcons at night : I love , love , love this . . . it 's just too creative ! I 'm so thankful that there are people on the planet who can think like this ! Makes life fun for the rest of us ! See it HERE 1 . An armed man is a citizen . An unarmed man is a subject . 2 . A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone . 3 . Colt : The original point and click interface . 4 . Gun control is not about guns ; it 's about control . 5 . If guns are outlawed , can we use swords ? 6 . If guns cause crime , then pencils cause misspelled words . ( This is my favorite ! ) 7 . Free men do not ask permission to bear arms . 8 . If you don 't know your rights , you don 't have any . 9 . Those who trade liberty for security have neither . 10 . The United States Constitution ( c ) 1791 . All Rights Reserved . 11 . What part of " shall not be infringed " do you not understand ? 12 . The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others . 13 . 64 , 999 , 987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday . 14 . Guns only have two enemies ; rust and politicians . 15 . Know guns , know peace , know safety . No guns , no peace , no safety . 16 . You don 't shoot to kill ; you shoot to stay alive . 17 . 911 : Government sponsored Dial - a - Prayer . 18 . Assault is a behavior , not a device . 19 . Criminals love gun control ; it makes their jobs safer . 20 . If guns cause crime , then matches cause arson . 21 . Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them . 22 . You have only the rights you are willing to fight for . 23 . Enforce the gun control laws we ALREADY have ; don 't make more . 24 . When you remove the people 's right to bear arms , you create slaves . 25 . The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control . 26 . To enslave a nation you must first confiscate all guns ! ( Adolph Hitler - 1936 ) Today is Josh 's last day of PUBLIC SCHOOL ! It 's a bittersweet day for me but I know , in my heart of hearts , that this is the right decision for our family . Drew and I are going up to his school today to have lunch with him and to turn in his letter to the office . Everyone says to mail it certified , return receipt but I just don 't see the need for that . I have a great relationship with the secretary and office staff there . I will also mail a copy but see no reason to jump through hoops . Drew is currently watching a new show . Well , it 's not a NEW show but a new show to US ! It 's called Word World and he LOVES IT ! It 's so cute and he really digs singing the songs and spelling the characters out . Educational programming - - whoda thunk it ! I leave today for Fredericksburg . I thought about taking Josh with me . . . but I invited dad instead . I 'm sure we 'll have a good time . We haven 't had an adventure together in a LONG time . : ) I 'll take advantage of the opportunity to just be with dad . I 'm the sole source of estrogen in my household and I like it that way ! I 'm also a writer , comic , doctor , chef , referee , and student of life . I wish I had a stylist as I haven 't a trendy bone in my body . I long for mountain getaways to Colorado . I cry at love stories . I don 't watch television . I miss Seinfeld and still love 80s hair bands . I love Boston Terriers . I want to learn to play the guitar ! I talk too much and type too fast .
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So last night I went out with some friends for coffee and icecream by the beach . It was very nice until I stepped on something spikey in the sand . The bottom of my foot is covered in these little dots now . It turned out the be a puffer fish or something and now my foot is very owie . At least , it is when I use it for things like walking and such . Speaking of walking , the coffee actually worked last night and I didn 't get to sleep until about 2am . Grr . Double grr is that I woke up at 7 : 20am . Guess who 's in a good mood ? So , since I was awake I thought I 'd better make use of the early start and begin my new excercise regime . I haven 't done any physical activity since uni ended and I stopped walking to class ( and even by the end of uni I was driving a lot due to my inability to be punctual ) . I haven 't gained any weight , but the fat has redistributed itself and it 's not looking good . Lol . I think it also has a lot to do with the fact that I have been in a bad , bad mood and I have been eating a lot of takeout . A LOT of takeout . So anyway , the walk . I managed to last for about 15 minutes . The longest 15 minutes of my life . It was just so hot - I obviously hadn 't woken up early enough . And I forgot how hilly this area is . Oh . And I broke into a run at the end which lasted about a minute ' til I got to my door . I didn 't mean to run ! It 's just that I needed to cross a road and there were cars coming so I decided to just go anyway and ran across . . . and then I couldn 't figure out how to stop . It was horrid . When I got home I collapsed and died . So , two of my Twilight auctions have ended with the following results : Twilight calendar : bought : $ 20 sold : $ 78Twilight boxset : bought : $ 92 sold : $ 199Total profit : $ 165 . Last month 's phone bill that was so big I never bothered paying : $ 197 . Oops . So yeah , not so rich any more . The money will be going towards that . But it was tres exciting in the meanwhile . ( note the use of the word tres - doesn 't it show my worldliness and ability to switch between languages ? Doesn 't it make me sound a million times better than I actually am ? Wouldn 't the word very have been sufficient ? ) I still have one more calendar that will end tomorrow , and that 's currently at $ 50 . I 'm pretty pleased with all that . On another note , I 'm going to do something that I don 't normally do because what I saw this afternoon has really stuck with me . Although I am possibly the bitchiest person in the world , for the last 4 years or so I 've tried not to make comments on the clothes people wear for the following reasons : I understand that not everyone has an expendible income that they can fritter away on clothes . Not everyone has access to certain clothes . Not everyone feels the need to put effort into what they are wearingAND ABOVE ALL I 'm pretty sure that I am the least most suitable person to comment on what others are wearing , because I , more than anyone , are always dressed incorrectly for a situation , or just cannot be bovvered . And I 'm pretty sure that people must think such bad things about what I wear that I try to not make judgements on others in some odd way of trying the stem the effects of karma . . . With that in mind , I want to comment on a teenage girl I saw today . Yes , I 'm a terrible person , making a comment about someone during the worst , most uncomfortable years of her life . It 's just that this girl sort of typified every teenage girl at the moment . Firstly , she was wearing a very pretty dress and a cardigan . Not bad , eh ? Except , that it was sooooo muggy today , that the cardigan was probably worn because she might have been uncomfortable with hersPosted by You 'd think I 'd have noticed this a long time ago , right ? WRONG ! Last night I was putting moisturiser on when I noticed that I have a two centimetre scar on my forehead ? ! How do you go 23 years without noticing something like that ? So I called my grandma asking if I 'd ever hit my head as a child ( it would explain a lot of things ) and she couldn 't think of any time , then I called my mum and after lots of thinking she 's like , that does sound familiar . . . I think you were 2 years old and you fell and cut your head . What a terrible mother ! So anyway , I now have a new ( ly found ) scar on my head to go with the random bruises that dot my body . They are literally dots , slightly smaller than a 5 cent coin , all at various stages of fading , all randomly placed , all very annoying ! Today I finally had a day off and it 's been crap . Lol . Yesterday I only worked a half day and it was fabulous : woke up in a good mood , ate a croissant , read travel magazines , luxuriated . Today I went to bed reasonably early considering I had today off ( 10 : 30 / 11ish ) , woke up at about 8 : 30 after a terrible sleep , and then did nothing all day . I lay in bed and watched Race to Dakar and that is all . Trent came round at 2pm to give me a Christmas card to my extreme embarrassment because I was still in my bloody pjs with no sign of getting out of them . I 'm still in them , in fact . I was thinking of inviting everyone round for dinner tonight but I 'm too lazy to get out of my room , let alone cook ! Meanwhile , I 've been cheering myself up by going through travel magazines and getting ideas for next year . I 've also borrowed Europe on a Shoestring from work to really get started . So , nerd that I am , I watch the ABC 's First Tuesday Bookclub each month , or rather , I download the vodcasts and watch those . I just finished watching the latest show and was so excited that next month they 'll be reading Steinbeck 's The Grapes of Wrath . Was I writing in this blog when I read Grapes this year ? Too bad if this is just repetition . It 's the book Nonno said was the greatest book he had ever read , and he used to read a lot , so that 's saying something . Since I was 15 and first read Steinbeck 's Of Mice and Men for school , Nonno had been on my case to read Grapes , but as soon as I saw its size I was immediately turned off . I 'm so sad that I waited until after he died to finally read it because I would have loved to discuss it with him and tell him how fantastic the book was . Is it weird that often I love books that have torn my heart out and left me feeling desolate ? Cos that 's what this book did to me . But I basically judge a good book on whether it has left an impression on me , and this one totally did . It 's funny ( not ha - ha funny , but ironic / strange funny ) that I can see echoes of what happened in the book , set in the Great Depression , in today 's uncertain financial climate . I was watching Deutsche Welle ( because I 'm weird and really enjoy this German news and business news programme ) and they were saying how in the US over 500 000 people have claimed unemployment benefits for the first time . Played a cute game called the Germanizer . Unfortunately , I 'm just not German enough ! Had the weirdest dream last night and I blame work . For the last half hour or so before I left at 11 I had been clearing and sorting out the bays we keep some of the books in out the back sort room . I 'm incredibly anal so it was done in a particular way ( until it was time to go home so things were quickly shoved in ) . So my dream was basically me sorting things . As such , I 've had a terrible sleep because I was constantly alert in my dreams . Meanwhile , something I 've been thinking about for awhile is things I 'll do when I graduate ( in 2011 ) and get a real , grown - up job . And so : THINGS I ' LL DO WHEN I ' M A GROWN - UP : Get matching wooden hangers for my clothes . It 's a very adult thing to do - Vogue said so ! Have a library in my house , or , failing that , have one wall that 's just books . Have a dog . OWN a house , but that 's not for a very long time after graduation and after living overseas for a bit . Really I only want to own a house so I can buy a dog . Host dinner parties . With courses . And I 'll refer to them as soirees . Even though for the first 3 years after graduation I 'll probably be stuck out in the country . . . I 'll be one of those people that not only gets things drycleaned , but will have a " good relationship " with my drycleaner , as they say is imperative in all the fashion magazines . I 'll even be able to recommend my drycleaner to people . " Oh , have you tried _____ ? They 're fabulous ! They saved that dress of mine . . . " I 'll learn more Italian . Maybe I 'll even go to Italy and learn over there like the woman is doing in the book I 'm reading . . . I 'll be terribly up - to - date on current affairs and such and make comments like , " Isn 't it just awful about what 's going on in ________ ? " I 'll have lived in another country . . . again . I 'm thinking England because of the opportunities for Australian teachers , but maybe I should go somewhere completely new , like Canada . That 's all I can think of for now . I think it just boils down to me wanting to be pretentious and smug . Cannot wait . So , for those not in the know , I 'm going to be spending these holidays working . The End . I 've basically been working since the 27th November and it 's not letting up until Christmas Day . And each week I 'll have to be travelling down to Sydney to work with Stephanie for my mum . I went down last week straight after work on Wednesday which finished at 11pm so I got there late and had barely any sleep at all and worked heaps . I had to stay there until Saturday because I had been asked to work Saturday . I hadn 't asked how many hours I would be needed for , but when I got there at 3pm it turned out it was just for 2 and a half hours . It was so not worth it . I 'll probably get $ 80 for that time , but could have potentially made more from Borders . . . that 's if I was given a full day , but who can say ? As it is , I seem to be getting nowhere with my money situation . So far everything 's gone on bills and rent . My Germany savings are still somewhere around the nowhere mark . In fact , going down to Sydney for Stephanie only earnt me $ 300 , minus about $ 30 in petrol , and just the general exhaustion that came with it , coupled with the fact that Steph 's mum just called me to confirm my hours last week , meaning she hasn 't paid me yet , and at the earliest I 'll get the money on Friday . Grrr . Meanwhile , seeing as I like to make myself miserable , I 'm reading When In Rome . There 's something so sweet and sour about reading travel memoirs : I love to read about people 's experiences and hope something like that could happen to me , but it 's coupled with the knowledge that I 'm stuck here reading about it rather than actually doing it . . . The ballet ! ! ! I 'm so in love with it . Jenni and I got all frocked up and eventually got into the city after me having a massive panic about losing my wallet which has now been found . . . in my bedroom . How embarrassing ! In my defense , my wallet is black , and it was in amidst a big group of Borders bags which have Christmas presents in them , and the bag is also black . DON ' T JUDGE ME ! So anyway , we had dinner at a bistro under the Opera House and then went in and watched Manon . May I just say , WOW . It was so much more than I thought it would be . I was worried that I 'd be a little bored , but instead I was enthralled . The story is of a girl who falls in love with a man who doesn 't have much money , but her brother wants her to marry a very wealthy man . She 's torn between the two and eventually there 's a fight culminating in her brother getting killed and Manon being arrested as a prostitute . She is deported to America with her not - wealthy lover and gaoled , and there she catches the gaoler 's eye who tries to give her gifts , when he is killed by the lover . Two two escape to the swamps of Louisiana where Manon dies . My favourite part was when Manon 's brother , Lescaut , was drunk at a party and did his drunken solo and a drunken duet with his mistress . It was so funny - seeing this mixture of grace and slosh . : ) I also thought the ending was so effective when the two were in the swap and behind them , through the smoke and almost dream - like / montage - like , the various characters they had met through the play appeared and moved through the mist . Absolutely beautiful . I can 't wait til I can see my next ballet ! In other news , I got home at about midday today and was eating lunch when I thought I 'd better check when I start work today . Yeah . I was meant to start at 9 . Awkward . Called them and settled it that I would go in at two , and they were fine . Crisis averted ! Also , check this out : http : / / au . youtube . com / watch ? v = 4pXfHLUlZf4For some reason they 've disabled embedding , but that 's cool . It 's called " Jizz in My Pants " . Not sure if I likPosted by So it 's 8 : 43pm and I 'm forcing myself to stay awake so as not to be a total nanna . I 've already napped today , and in my defense , I did work ( for two and a half hours , consisting of me watching The Muppets Take Manhattan and The Muppets Movie ) and I did drive for an hour and a half . Very difficult day . Everyone moved out yesterday , so it 's just me and Dong , who isn 't here on weekends , so tonight it 's just me . Kind of loving the solitude at the moment . Although , I came home tonight to find the house smelling absolutely rotten . Obviously a combination of the house being shut up in this heat , and I really do believe this , but the fact that Miranda 's old room is open . MY GOD THE SMELL . I had to go in there and open the window wide open in the hopes that it airs out . I remember one time when I really needed to print something and she let me use hers ( in return for me dropping her and her friend later than night at the bus stop ) , I went into her room for the first time and nearly gagged . She never used to open her window , and seeing as she spent all of her time in there , you can only image how rank it smelt . Now the whole house smells like that . So glad she 's gone . I got my exchange reference from Patrick , my creative writing tutor , and it was GLOWING ! Loves it . Sarah was the only one of my 30 + students to obtain a High Distinction in what is perhaps one of the more challenging subjects for students in that the assessment tasks are a combination o traditional academic essays and the student 's original creative work . . . she communicates with ease and confidence , affirms comments by her fellow students , and demonstrates a willingness to extend discussion . Yes , I talk too much . It 's worked in my favour . : P But I 'm a bit shocked about my actual results though . I was definitely not one of the stronger writers in the class , so it 's odd to find I 'm the only one with a HD . Hey man , I 'm not complaining ! Obviously , my story loosely based on the erotic masseuse I met in New York came through for me . Now I no longer need to regret decliPosted by So I 'm completely moved out and have cleaned out my old room . All that 's left to do is sort through my bags of books I bought last week in the last staff appreciation day at work and try and figure out where I will put those books and then put up all the little knick - knacks I 've accumulated . I almost feel like it 's not worth putting them up , because all they do is gather dust , and I 'm loving how neat the room looks without them , but I don 't know what else to do with them ! Maybe I 'll see if mum can take them and put them somewhere at her place , though I doubt it , seeing as she can 't even seem to find room for a photo of us kids . . . Anywhore ( yep , too much d - listed ) , I 'm getting really excited for the ballet on Monday which was exacerbated by the surprise visit of Jenni and Nick at work on Sunday who were on their way back to the Mountains after a week - long camping trip in Forster . Love you two ! So Jenni and I are going to see Manon , and , according to its website , critics are raving about it . . . though would they put a bad review on their own site ? Meanwhile , does it even matter if it 's crap ? What do I have to compare it with ? My year 6 dance concert ? In honour of the ballet , I went out and spent $ 100 I don 't have on a beautiful new dress : The photo doesn 't make it look very good , but it 's basically a black dress with silver thread running through it , and it actually looks nice on me . I know - crazy ! I got it from Diana Ferrari and bought a necklace and earrings to go with it . It was orignally $ 169 but I had a 40 % off voucher for it , so really , it 's a total bargain , yeah ? Even to me , that sounds really hollow . But I really wanted to use the voucher , and I saw this dress , and I had to have it . I 'm going to take it home and show my grandma and see what she has to say about it , whether I should keep it or not . Is it wrong that I run every major purchase ( and even minor purchase ) past her ? Also , I think it needs strappy heels , and I 've only got closed in black heels . It will have to do . Posted by I think I 'm done for the night . I 'm very over this . I can 't even be bothered making dinner . I 'm gonna go get some nasty takeaway because I 'm too exhausted to make dinner . Oh , and the washing machine is broken . Again . Even though the guy came to fix it today . And I found out the hard way : my washing is still in there and has been for about 4 hours , but because it 's a front loader , the door won 't open . I 'm so glad that ALL MY UNDERWEAR is in there . I will say that I 'm enjoying the position of my room as I can watch the TV in the loungeroom from my desk . . . So I 'm currently in the process of moving rooms from my little shoebox in room 5 to Anne 's old room , # 1 . I spent the last 10 minutes moving the bed from it 's original position to another one before deciding to turn it 180 degrees . It now faces the window , which I 'm sure will come back to bite me in the arse . I keep thinking , " It 's OK cos my bed faces the window now and it 's fine , " and then I remember that my room doesn 't actually get any sun . . . meh . I 'll just deal . It 's the only real way to be able to have the little shelf for my TV . Now I 'm going to tackle moving my bookshelf . I 'll probably update this throughout the day as I get more and more pissed at myself for deciding I need a bigger room for the next seven months . . . * * UPDATE * * 11 : 23 - it just took me twenty minutes to clean , organise , and finally move the wire stand I keep my toilletries ( sp ? ) on . It 's going to be a long - ass day . * * UPDATE * * 12 : 10 - erm . . . so my bookshelf won 't move . Have called a boy to get help moving . Poor Beau ! * * UPDATE * * 12 : 28 - found a sock that 's been missing for about 6 months ! Luckily , I 'm stubborn and never threw out the other sock . . . * * UPDATE * * 2 : 22 - Beau came and we moved my bookshelf and watched Oprah . Now I 'm going to have lunch , but that one hour break has done something to me and now my back hurts . WTF ? ! * * UPDATE * * 6 : 05 - Oh god , it 's six o ' clock and I 've done nothing . NOTHING ! * * UPDATE * * 6 : 40 - there 's just so much ! Oh , and the guy came to fix the washing machine and replaced the programme knob , but it turns out it 's the whole washing machine that 's screwed . Good to know , now that I 've run out of clothes . . . So , I 've spent the last three days being a hermit ! Basically all I do is eat , work and hole myself up in my room and watch Long Way Round , and now that that 's finished , Long Way Down ! It 's nuts ! These shows have made me really want to go travelling NOW ! I 've decided to try and go to Ukraine next year ( note to self : ask Natalia to take me ) and although I 've never been particularly interested in Southern Italy due to my nan 's indifference - bordering - on - contempt of southern Italians , I now want to go to Palermo and Sicily ! Gotta get my ass into gear ! * exclamation points courtesy of Michael and Matthew Reilly 's amazing writing abilities ! So I went down to Sydney yesterday morning to see my nan . God , I love her so much . I picked her up and we slowly made our way around the shopping centre , trying to find some homewares for Jonas ' new appartment . She was absolutely adorable and wanted to pay for everything , but I wouldn 't let her , although she did manage to buy me a pair of slippers . I took her for yum cha for lunch . Sooooo delicious , but I forgot that she wouldn 't be a fan . She likes knives and forks , and large plates . She liked the food , but wasn 't suited to the yum cha - iness of it all . Then I went home to her place and stayed there for a bit until Daniel came home , then I high - tailed it to Rouse Hill shops to hang out at Borders and wait for Rach to finish work . I 'm such a sucker , and one of those mineral makeup people managed to get me to sit down while they showed me how natural and beautiful their makeup was on me . I 'm kind of shocked at myself , because for the first time ever I told the girl what I actually thought : the makeup looked caked onto my skin and so unnatural that it was a bit embarrassing . Then I felt bad and said how much I liked the blush . So I went to buy it - because that 's what I do when someone gives me a free makeover : spend all my money on shitty products - and it was $ 50 ! ! ! I was like , erm , no . I don 't even pay that much for my Estee Lauder blush . And I don 't buy that stuff at some random stall in a shopping centre . And shockingly , I told her that I couldn 't justify paying that much for blush , saying I wouldn 't pay more than $ 30 , and she said she couldn 't go lower than $ 40 , so we parted ways . I 'm shocked at my audacity ! I said the truth to a stranger trying to sell me something , and managed to get away with my money and a somewhat bad makeover ! ! ! I 'm going to use this new - found ability in the next election when I discover the way to dodge the pamphlet people ! Meanwhile , I went to Rachel 's and we had a wonderful night of movies - so - lame - they 're - amazing whilst watching Goal 2 and St . Trinian 's . It would have been an awesome two Posted by Oh , and I would have almost been able to cross off " Swam with dolphins " from my list but Saturday was such a bad day . We went on a dolphin watching cruise , and it was so exciting cos I got to see the dolphins in the water , but the funniest part was when we were heading back to shore because of the galey wind and the boat rocked so bad that Rachel and I , much to the amusement of Nicole and Angela , completely lost balance and started being pitched about , culminating in me hitting my cheek on the metal seat . I was worried it would bruise and I 'd have another thing to complete my battered - wife look , but it 's just really red . It was so funny though ! ! ! So sick . Drank too much . I was going to go to a movie but the hangover kicked in late . Was perfectly fine upon waking , but about 4pm it hit me . Meanwhile , Nan tells me today she loved how happy I was when I called her last night . I had to inform her that when I called I was so freaking drunk . It was 8pm , how embarrassing ! So now she doesn 't think it 's such a good thing if I 'm so happy . . . So tonight I 'm off to Fingal Bay for the weekend . Yay . An entire weekend with Emma 's stank boyfriend . Yay . Anywhore , I hate packing for a weekend away because there are so many variables : will it rain ? Will it be hot ? Will it be hot in the day but cold at night ? Will it be cold in the day but hot at night ? Will we go out somewhere nice ? Too many . So I 've basically packed two pyjama bottoms , two dresses , a pair of jeans , two tops , a skirt , a jacket , a cardigan and then the usual extras . Oh , and two pairs of shoes not including the ones I 'll be wearing there . Yep . It better be good . If all else fails I 'm just going to sit on the beach and read . This is one of those " what have you done " copy + paste jobs . The things I 've done are in bold . 01 . Bought everyone in the bar a drink02 . Swam with dolphins03 . Climbed a mountain04 . Taken a Ferrari for a test drive05 . Been inside the Great Pyramid06 . Held a tarantula07 . Taken a candlelit bath with someone08 . Said " I love you " and meant it09 . Hugged a tree10 . Bungee jumped and I doubt I will . . . 11 . Visited Paris next year , fingers crossed12 . Watched a lightning storm at sea13 . Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise14 . Seen the Northern Lights15 . Gone to a huge sports game16 . Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa next year ? ? ? 17 . Grown and eaten your own vegetables ( when I was little we grew pumpkins and cherry tomatoes . . . ) 18 . Touched an iceberg19 . Slept under the stars20 . Changed a baby 's diaper21 . Taken a trip in a hot air balloon22 . Watched a meteor shower23 . Gotten drunk on champagne ( too many times . . . ) 24 . Given more than you can afford to charity25 . Looked up at the night sky through a telescope26 . Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment27 . Had a food fight28 . Bet on a winning horse29 . Asked out a stranger30 . Had a snowball fight31 . Screamed as loudly as you possibly can32 . Held a lamb33 . Seen a total eclipse34 . Ridden a roller coaster ( I miss Wonderland . The Demon was my bitch ! ) 35 . Hit a home run36 . Danced like a fool and didn 't care who was looking ( that 's called a Friday night ) 37 . Adopted an accent for an entire day 38 . Actually felt happy about your life , even for just a moment39 . Had two hard drives for your computer40 . Visited all 50 states ( I 've only visited . . . 10 ) 41 . Taken care of someone who was drunk42 . Had amazing friends43 . Danced with a stranger in a foreign country44 . Watched whales ( I think I 'm doing this on the weekend . . . ) 45 . Stolen a sign46 . Backpacked in Europe ( Next year hopefully . . . ) 47 . Taken a road - trip48 . Gone rock climbing ( does indoor count ? It does now . ) 49 . Taken a midnight walk on the beach50 . Gone sky diving51 . Visited Ireland ( next year ? Posted by So I forgot to mention that on Sunday we all went to Avalon to scatter Nonno 's ashes . It was really lovely . We had to leave at the ridiculous time of 8 : 30am and after a few stops we got there at 9 : 30 . Then we went onto my cousin 's boat which wasn 't that scary one he has that goes really fast , and this one just putt - putted and chugged along until we got past Palm Beach and out into what we could legitimately call " open water " . Then Uncle Dino asked if anyone wanted to say a few words , no one had any , so Uncle Dino said something nice and then it was done . Now , I 'm just saying , but there was a lot of Nonno . The wind even blew some onto the arm of my jacket . Ewwwwwwwwwwww . Yep , Hell it is . It was such an anti - climax . I 'd built it up for so long that when it was finally done it was like , oh , that 's it then ? I didn 't cry , I didn 't even feel like we 'd put him at rest or anything . In the end it was just a nice day on the water with my family . And what would a day with my family be complete without someone commenting on the whiteness of my legs ? " Geez , Sarah , lucky I brought my sunnies to shield off the glare . " And on Friday night when I got home my grandma looks at me and is all , " Wow , that is some Irish skin . " My family is so lovely . Oh , random note , Cassie just posted a bunch of photos of her and Daniel in what look to be studio portrait shots , you know , the ones where they give you good lighting and do your hair and makeup . Do people really go get couples glamour photos ? I 'm so embarrassed on their behalf . LAME . I 'm going to the ballet with Jenni ! How cultured of me ! I 'm actually very excited . In other news , exam this morning . I was thinking of getting special consideration on account of how bloody sick I was when I woke up this morning ( I think I might have tonsilitis . . . who can say ? ) but cannot be arsed . You have to fill out a form , you have to go to the doctor , you have to hand in the medical cert , you have to resit the exam . . . plus , it 's not like I 'm the type that would actually do some study for the resit . That 's not how I roll . But it really hurts to be awake . So I finally went to get a new licence this morning , after Daniel informs me that , not only is there a $ 400 minimum fine for driving with an expired licence , it 's actually an offense . He tells me this when I 've woken up at 11am and the RTA closes at 12 . Great . Brushed my teeth , threw on yesterday 's clothes and just threw my hair up : photo be damned ! ! I only got a 1 year licence because , first , no money , and second , I knew the photo would be hideous , and there was no way I was carrying that around for the next 5 years ! Anyway , photo not so great , but much better than last year 's , although , considering the hideousness of last years , that was going to be easy to accomplish anyway . The jealous part of the title comes from the fact that two people I know have just bought a house or land . Last night , Angela tells me she and her fiance are just about to put the deposit down on some land in some random suburb I 've never heard of . Apparently it 's out near Penrith , which is where Ben , her fiance , is teaching . Then last night I get home and my grandma tells me that Jonas has just bought a new appartment in Meadowbank . And Sarah can barely afford her rent . Now , I know I 've made some random life choices since finishing highschool . I 've had a lot of fun too though , but I 'm still paying that off , and probably will be . It 's funny when I think about how much people my age have achieved , and I know that I won 't even be able to even think of those things until I 've finished uni . And yet , I still do things that I know will only delay my ever being a grown up and owning property , like going overseas next year . Yeah , anyway , it 's just times like these that I question myself . I 've got that 21st tonight . Bloody hell . I told Rach last night that we 'd have one of our lame - but - brilliant movie nights tonight but I 'd forgotten about the party . I 'd so prefer the movie night . At least Jonas and Dan are going . And not Cassie . Yep , still holding a grudge . Oh , and my mum bought my little sister a PS3 . Grr grr grr . And mum calls me to let me know that wPosted by . . . what is with these headaches I 've been getting lately ? ? OW . Seriously , it 's really bad . Like , one a day . I 'm not a very big fan . I 've used up a packet of panadol in the last couple of weeks , and meanwhile , I used to go YEARS between taking any headache / pain medication . I 'm wondering if they 're tension headaches , but what would cause them ? The first and last time I had tension headaches that lasted days on end it was because my parents had just split up . ( I 'm still not entirely convinced that the separation was the actual cause . That 's just what the doctor decided it was . I thought I was fine with the whole thing . ) So I figure if your biggest worry on any given day is whether to pluck your eyebrows or let them thicken out a little , life 's pretty OK . But I wouldn 't be me if I didn 't whinge a little , right ? Nadia 's stepfather is here at the moment to help her move out , and I met him last night for the first time . Just one of those , " Hi . How are you ? " meetings . So am I wrong to think that the second time we speak , conversation should still be kept to common pleasantries ? I don 't think it 's very smart to say to the girl who got up early to go to the store to buy the Sydney Morning Herald ( which I couldn 't get from the supermarket so I had to wait around until the newsagency opened . . . . shouldn 't they be open early ? anyway . . . ) so she could relive yesterday 's Obama victory , " So , he 's still alive , eh ? Not for much longer . " What the FUCK . It really disgusts me when people talk about Obama being assassinated because he 's black . Erm , Lincoln ? Kennedy ? McKinley ? Garfield ? All white . ( although , the cat was orange and black . . . ) And how are people able to say it so nonchalantly when the man has two little children ? ? That shit just isn 't funny . And you 're telling me that with George W , one of the most hated men for the last eight years , still kicking around , that it would be easy to kill the president . Although , it does seem that any agent advocating change makes people do anything to stop them ( Kennedy bros . , MLK etc . ) . Yeah , I wasn 't very happy with Nadia 's stepfather . I kind of get " redneck " vibes from him . So meanwhile , yesterday was fantastic . I think it 's wonderful how far the Civil Rights movement has come in the last fifty years . And on a non - racial note , I just think that having someone so young , cool and calm brings a freshness and vitality into an office that has become so stagnant in the last few years . I wished I could have been in Grant Park . The atmosphere seemed absolutely amazing , his speech was absolutely fantastic ( someone went to the MLK school of speech - making ) , and Oprah was there . . . . . ( oh come one , someone knew I 'd throw thatPosted by OK . Story got done last night . I think I 'm going to stick with the title of " La Vie Boheme " . It 's cheesey , but I can 't think of anything else . Still haven 't done the book review , but I have a few hours after my exam today . Speaking of the exam , I 'm going to be shit , but whatever . I got up early to study a bit for it and the lack of sleep from the last few days means there 's some hardcore luggage under my eyes and my face looks like ASS . But this made me giggle : Don 't you think Sarah Palin is the cutest ? DON ' T FUCKING WAKE ME UP . That 's all . I 'm pretty sure it makes sense . If I 've been up late doing shit , DON ' T FUCKING WAKE ME UP . Nadia . Why do you have to eat breakfast outside my bedroom ? Actually , no , that 's fine . That doesn 't wake me up . The part that wakes me up EVERY SINGLE DAY is when she 's nearly done with her bowl of cereal and for some unknown reason needs to clink clink CLINK her spoon against her plate to get those last little scraps . It 's the exact pitch that penetrates sleep , and she does it EVERY MORNING . And of course today is my one day off work . Plus I 'm stressed out with uni stuff . Normally when she wakes me up ( it 's at least once or twice a week ) she doesn 't get hit with my anger cos I normally just knock on Shuba 's door and whinge . Today I did that too , but then Nadia came into the kitchen and was like , " Good Morning ! " and I was like , no . I told her that the plate clanking was waking us up every morning and she said she 'd work on it . She said she eats in the sunroom because it 's the nicest part of the house , and I told her that 's fine , just not to clink the plates . She asked if it was the chair scraping on the ground and her making the breakfast and all that . Nope , just the fucking plate clanging . I had planned not to say anything at all , cos in my mind I keep thinking , " One week to go , you can do this ! " but unfortunately when she came into the kitchen she caught me off - guard , and I 'd been awake for a solid 5 minutes , so I was cranky . Actually , I 'm proud for the restraint I used : no swearing , no yelling , no anger , even a couple of smiles . I 'm so fake . So I just finished the essay . It 's a world of bad , but it 'll do . I just have to proof read it and do the referencing . That will take me about 2 hours , stupid footnotes . Give me in - text referencing any day ! Nan just called and we 've settled on a date we can all spread Nonno 's ashes - November 9th . Now that it 's finally coming and we have all agreed we can do it , I kind of don 't want to do it at all now . . . But anyway , I apparently have to go down there for the 21st of Louisa Russo 's daughter . All I remember about her is that we played together a couple of times at Mrs . Russo 's house and I didn 't like her very much , but BOY did she used to have a crush on Dan . It still makes me giggle . But I hate going to parties where I don 't know anyone except my family . That 's if Daniel and Jonas go , but they 're good at making friends . Me , I 'm not a mingler . I 'm a hang - out - with - the - olds - and - try - not - to - be - seen - er . Maybe I can convince Rachel or someone to come with . But then they 'll want to know where the boyfriend is . See ? I don 't like this dealing with people you 've known forever crap . I know the older generation - Mrs . Russo , Nan 's best friend , and her kids who are all middle - aged , but I don 't know their kids . Too much hard work . In other news , the HUGE mosquito bites from Saturday night have stopped swelling and itching and are now red welts just bigger than the size of a 10c piece . Actually , they kind of resemble hickeys ( how teenaged of me ! ) , although they 're on my legs . Awkward . And the one on my left ankle had actually become a purplish , quite large bruise . Which , you know , is great seeing as I 'm supposed to be going to the races in two weeks ' time and will be wearing a dress ( which I am yet to look for / have money for ) . Unfortunately , the dress will probably be knee - length , and the bites are on my calves . HOT . In other news , I want this bag . But it 's US $ 30 and it 's an uncertain financial climate ! ! So I finally got an email from my lecturer . Thank jeebus . He says to attach it in an email asap and bring him a hardcopy in class . Erm . . . so I have to write it now ? Shit . I 'll just pretend I haven 't seen the email until tomorrow . Yes , tomorrow . So anyone at work with me tomorrow will have the cranky Sarah with them cos I 'll be up all night working on this bugger . I 'm about halfway , but I kind of hate it . I feel like all I 'm doing is describing , not making arguments . DAMMIT ! I got my EDUC assignment back . The one that was handed in late . Totally didn 't get any marks deducted . Oh yeah . I got 30 / 40 , so it was just a distinction . I 'm happy with that , especially after only just passing the first one . Beau , the slut , got 34 . I think he slept with the teacher . I 'm just saying ! I mean , he couldn 't have just written a better essay or whatever . . . And I finally got through to my grandma this evening , and WHERE WAS THE FUCKING SYMPATHY ? ? ? ? ? I 'm there whining , going , " I hate this , I don 't want to do it anymoooooooooore , " and do you know what she said ? " Sarah , you 're going to quit again ? You 've already done one and a half years before , now you 'll quit after one year , you have to finish something . " Oh no she di ' n 't ! I was like , " Woman ! That is NOT what I want to hear ! All you 're supposed to say is , ' That 's terrible Sarah , all those mean university people making you do all that work . They 're horrible , you 'll be fine . ' " How dare she ! After I had my mini rant about what she should have said , she did rectify the situation a little by saying it . But the damage was done . Oh , and more damage : Nan nonchalantly mentioning that Dan and Jonas were planning on spreading Nonno 's ashes this Sunday . WHAT THE FUCK ? ? ? I was so angry I cried . And she didn 't get why I was upset . HELLO ? ? ? So , we don 't do anything on the anniversary because Dan and Jonas were busy at Indy , but we 'll reschedule it for whenever it 's convenient for them . Sometimes I hate being part of a family . Or at least I hate being the only one that thinks being part of a family is importanPosted by I 'm sitting here stressed out of my mind and NOBODY IS ANSWERING THE PHONE . HELLO ? NAN ? ! What the fuck ? ? ? ? Why aren 't you home ? You should be always home , waiting by the phone in case your granddaughter calls you . That 's common curtesy . Fuck . It 's Wednesday . Bingo day . Fucking bingo . I 'm no longer pro - bingo . I don 't want to do this assignment . I can 't do this assignmentWhy doesn 't the bloody lecturer reply to emails that are urgent ? ? ? WHERE IS EVERYBODY ? ? ? Beau answered the phone . I can breathe again . What ? Sarah looking at the bright side of something ? Yes , two minutes ago , that ear - splitting , frightening sound you heard was the sound of hell freezing over . I 'm thinking that if I can 't get another job for these holidays ( which I 'm still really shitty about - ooh , hell thawed out a little ) I 'll dedicate myself to being creative . I 've always wanted to do a dressmaking class . Or maybe I 'll keep working on my US scrapbook - the one that 's up to June ' 06 . Heck , by the end of the holidays , I could be up to July ! ! ! Wouldn 't that be amazing ? ! Plus , I 'm being mighty inspired to finally do something with my moleskines . Yes , I 'm procrastinating on doing my history assignment . . . I 've built it up too much . I keep thinking about how terrible this week was last year . I had forgotten that it wasn 't all about Nonno , and that I also spent a day in court for mum and dad 's settlement , and had my interview for Borders and dawdled in Spotlight and at Emma 's house sorting out details of me moving in . And meanwhile Nonno died . Waste of fucking time . I don 't know if I could have made it to the hospital in time , but maybe . I spoke to Kristy this afternoon . Yeah , not going fulltime . Kind of shitty right now . Kind of really shitty . I 've got so much shit to do in the next two weeks and looking for a new job is just another hassle . And all the Christmas casual jobs are probably all gone . Just . . . things that could have been told to me earlier . Apparently they haven 't been given the hours they thought they would be . Even though someone else was put on a fulltime contract . . . . anyway , I must eat so many lemons because I am so bitter . Talking to Nan on the phone now . She 's being very sympathetic this time ' round . When I was not dealing very well on Nonno 's birthday she was like , " You so need to get over this , " but she said it a little less ghetto than I make it sound . . . This time she 's being very understanding and telling me jokes to cheer me up . Things that don 't cheer me up : " I just hope I 'm around long enough until you finish uni . " Erm , woman , you do realise you 're not allowed to die . Seriously . I 'm not just saying this to be cute . Death is not an option for you . I 'm also trying to convince her to come to Italy with me next year . I think she 's afraid to , because obviously Trieste has changed so very much from when she left in the early 50s , and there wouldn 't be anyone left . I say stuff it - we 'll see Trieste but then go to other parts of Italy she 's never seen , which is pretty much everything . I think it also frightens her because she 's never been on a plane before . I 'd love to take her though . Auntie Joan is going to England next year to be with her family , maybe I can get her to coax Nan into going too . Ok , Posted by Why are some people still on magazine covers ? Misca Barton and Lindsey Lohan , I 'm looking at you . Seriously , they 're irrelevant . Got a new movie or something to promote ? NO ! So why are they still getting paid to do shit ? So I 'm watching Bill O ' Reilly on The View . Joy is angry . I love Joy . What is with Americans and being so anti - Communist ? You fucking won ! The government bailout was socialism , and a fucking expensive act of socialism too . You go Joy ! And Elizabeth needs to shut her squeaky trap . Her stupid high - pitched voice drives me insane . Anyway , so I 'm sitting in the loungeroom wearing about 50 layers of clothing and wrapped in a doona , still freezing my ass off . Stupid weather . I had so much trouble sleeping last night because I was so cold . Oh , and this morning I went to do some grocery shopping and it was windy but still sunny outside . I parked at the Stockland Mall and went across the road to do my fruit shopping , and of course when I get out of the fruit shop it 's pouring with rain . Gross . You know what else is gross ? I spent $ 40 on fruit and veg . WTF ? That 's so much bloody money . I should just eat crap and save money . Bloody hell . And I bought it all to make one stirfry . Granted , I 'll be eating that stirfry for the next week , but it 's still frustrating . I went to trivia on Tuesday night with Beau , Michael and Simon , and oh yeah , bitches , we totally came 3rd ! ! That won us a $ 20 voucher for the restaurant , and seeing as bar meals are only $ 5 we 've totally got next trivia night 's dinner . Unfortunately , our team name was Star Trek themed . I can 't remember what it was , and I didn 't understand it , but I was informed that it was Star Trek . That shit just ain 't cool . In fact , it 's really , really nerdy . : P And Beau told me last night it class that Simon and Michael have apparently planned a lot more in the same vain . Yeah , NO . Also on Tuesday , I had to do my Peer teach lesson . Yuck . My lesson was on the wonderful topic of fact and opinion . Please try to contain your excitement . I had to hand in an essay about the planning of the lesson on the day , and now I get to write an essay about how the lesson went . whoo . Cannot wait . I 'm also trying to write my history assignment . It 's about the fall of communism . Why did I choose this essay topiPosted by I just noticed that I have a whole bunch of moisturiser in my fridge , but nothing I want to eat . Am I the only one that keeps her moisturiser in the fridge ? It started with just the eye cream , but has now branched into both my face moisturisers . The body one hasn 't migrated into there . Yet . I guess it 's also cos my fridge is conveniently located in my bedroom . Image from lovepadI 'm taking a cue from Gala Darling and writing about things that I adore at the moment . Great friends . Friends that will send you bags of tea out of the blue , friends that will join you for coffee late at night . Friends that will gossip with you . Friends that will get drunk with you when you 're sad . Friends that might be tired of hearing you complain about something again , but don 't show it . Friends that you can always turn to . My $ 1 earrings . They 're these little green circle things with a spiral in the centre , but I 've had loads of complements . And we all know how much a love a bargain . Gorgeous weather . Being stuck inside at work whilst the weather is beautiful is not so fun , but being in the sun brings a smile to my face and energy into my system . That feeling you get when your assignment is finished . Which it isn 't yet , but I 'm hoping it will be either today or tomorrow . Just in time to start my next one . The colour of these flowers : Everytime I see them in a flower shop I just want to buy them and stare at them for hours on end . But then I think of all the things I could do with my money and think that the flowers would be a waste . As a treat for myself , when I 'm finished with this semester and have done all of my assignments I 'll buy a bunch . Or two . And drown in their colour . xx Today 's been a bit of a walk down memory lane , mostly to avoid doing anything that needs to be done . I 'm not sure why , but I was going through my little filing folder and noticed that I had old assignments from UWS in there . I had a read through them and just cringed . My highest mark was a distinction , but I really think they were just being lenient - they are horrible . I guess I 've now just had practice . Not that I think my stuff is getting any better , but I 'm able to read through them and go , " Yeah , that makes sense . " Also , I think that when I get time , I 'm going to turn my old blog into a book and self - publish it on Lulu . Just for myself . My fear is that one day I 'll go to the blog and it won 't be there , and I think it 's such an important record of such a big part of my life and I don 't want to lose it . And it doesn 't look too expesive to get a book done in hard cover . I 'm willing to spend up to $ 100 just because I think it 's important . And with the exchange rate , I probably will . But that will have to wait until uni 's over , along with selling all my crap on ebay and all those books I plan to read . I reeeeeally should have taken advantage of the holidays more . I just see the next four weeks stretching out in a mass of stress . There 'll be a lot more of these posts . I 'm so glad to be back in Newy . Sunday , although I was dead tired due to my mother waking me up at 5am ( after I 'd gone to bed at 1am ) because she felt the need to vaccuum . Needless to say , we had words . Loud , angry words . Anyway , I got back , had an afternoon tea with Leesh , Michael , Bec and Beau , went to the Bogey Hole ( that swimming hole I wrote an assignment about last semester but hadn 't actually seen ) , took note of the vast amounts of rape - bush around . Or should I say , " surprise sex " bush . Basically , the kind of bush you look at and go , " Wow . That would make a great place to rape someone . " It 's OK . It was long ago established that I 'm going to hell . Then we went back to Michael 's for dinner . Have I mentioned how much I love sausages ? They are the best . Last night was our first book club meeting . It was good . Only three of us had read the book . Oops . The next one is The Picture of Dorian Gray , which is good cos a few years ago I started reading it and really enjoyed it , but then for some reason I stopped . Good to have an excuse to go back and finish it . Trivia tonight . We 'd better bloody win , that 's all I 'm saying . I totally didn 't win anything . My grandma gave me a consolation prize by giving me her winning raffle ticket , and the grocery prize that came with it , but it was like salt in the deep wounds of my soul . Also , am totally becoming sick . Ack . You 'd think that with how sick I 've been lately I 'd be used to the horrible achey - but - not - achey feeling I have , but alas , apparently the pain isn 't something you can develop a resistance to . Pity . Wow . We can definately cross Catherine Zeta - Jones off my list of people I 'd turn gay for . That shit is so not OK . Meanwhile , I 'm sitting at home , have just eaten a bowl of pasta and am now writing my brother 's assignment for him . Yeah , that 's right . Writing it for him . I am such a sucker . I thought he had already written it . Yeah , apparently not . And it 's such a shit assignment too : " Articulate and define , in your terms , the difference between ' at risk ' and ' vulnerable ' . " And he has to use examples from his job . yawn . Most boring assignment ever . Actually , I think his ethics assignment was worse . Can 't complain though , cos the biatch has leant me money he knows he will never get back . I haven 't been to mum 's yet , so I 'm a bit worried . Dan tells me it 's soooo different . There 's apparently no old furniture in the house . She better have kept all my Babysitters Club books , that 's all I 'm saying . : POh , can everyone who reads this . . . Ok . The two people who read this , can you please text me your mobile number ( obvs say who it is in the text ) cos I went to pick up my phone from the repair place today and the whole phone 's been reset , and apparently , even clicking " Save contacts to SIM card " doesn 't actually save your contacts to SIM . Yeah fun . So I have no phone numbers . Cheers ! So tomorrow I have 5 hours of work and then I 'm off home . I absolutely cannot wait . By Saturday I 'll be wanting to go home immediately . I 'm looking forward to staying at my mum 's place , especially since she 's not there . I haven 't been there in about a year . I hope Daniel leaves me the keys . Yeah , that 's right , I don 't have a key to my mum 's place . I have the house keys that worked before my holiday to New Zealand in 2005 . Getting back to find my keys didn 't fit was fun . So yes , I will stay in her house , drink her coffee , obviously not eat her food , because she never was fond of stocking the fridge . I called nan this morning and asked to borrow money . She sighed and said she would go to the bank in the morning . I 'm a horrible person . I think I 'll ask Daniel instead . Why is it that I always go down to Sydney when I have no money ? I look forward to shopping so much , and then get there and can only look . It hurts me ! And there 's so many things I want too . I 'll have to hold off to my next weekend off , which is October 25th , but something seems wrong about going shopping on the anniversary of Nonno 's death . I 've also been trying to sort out my study abroad application , and while one of the managers at work has promised to write me a personal reference , I need an academic reference . So far , I 've emailed two of my tutors from last semester and haven 't gotten a reply ( rude ! ) , so I think I 've got to ask one of this semester 's tutors . My options are horrible 1006 lady , the one who talks so slowly and treats us like babies . Then there 's my history guy , who wouldn 't be able to say anything nice about me because I 'm the dumbest person in the class and I have nothing to actually say about anything we talk about . Plus , I 'm afraid he 'd make mention of my love of karaoke . I can 't remember how this came about , but when the class gets too quiet or anything , he seems to love mentioning that I love karaoke , and why don 't I whip out a couple of tunes ? I do the " chuckle chuckle , give me a few drinks and then we 'll talk , " whilst knowing my faPosted by I hate my haircut . The layers are uneven , all the more noticable due to the fact that I have to straighten my hair . } : My phone is now in for repair , so until I can figure out how to use Leesha 's phone that she leant me , I have no phone access . I 'm officially uncontactable . . . . except via the internet . I 'm rethinking going to Chicago next year . It 's just so expensive , especially considering how extensively I want to travel around Europe . sigh . That 's OK . 2012 isn 't too far away . . . sob . We 'll see . Rachel sent some photos of her in China . This one took my breath away : Words don 't capture it . I 'm in love with this photo . Majorly jealous , also . I need another gap year . I 'm sure I 've had more than my fair share of these , but I wish I could teach English overseas or something . At least next year will kind of be a gap - half - year . I really hate how fragmented this post is . Today was absolutely lovely . It 's like the first four hours didn 't even exist . After the essay was all handed in , I came home and immediately started cleaning my room . Everything 's where it 's supposed to be now . Except for a pile of books Emma returned to me that she had literally had for years . They do not fit on the bookshelf , so they are neatly standing in a pile next to it . I didn 't end up buying myself organisational stuff . Instead I did this : I went and got my hair cut . It looks exactly the same as it did before , but the dead ends are chopped off . Judith - check out the photo on top of my TV - Medieval Times , oh yeah ! I also spent about an hour in Gloria Jeans reading Vanity Fair , then spent a whole heap of money I can 't afford . I bought some shorts and a top from Glassons . I already have the top in navy , so I bought it in cream for summer cos it was on sale . Then because I spent over $ 50 I got a free $ 15 gift voucher , so I bought a henley top in the exact shade of blue to replace the henley top I just gave to the Salvos today . Yes , I cleaned out my wardrobe and discovered that I need more summer stuff . This happens to me every year - i just manage to have my wardrobe looking winter awesome , and then it 's too hot to wear anything again . So yeah , just a generally really good day . And I am doney done done . It 's handed in , I 'm breathing freely , and now let the cleaning begin ! I 've also scheduled myself in for a haircut cos I deserve one . : ) And my hair is a rat 's nest at the moment . Ahhhh , honestly , I love when this feeling leaves me ! I 'm 1500 words into my 2500 word essay . . . . about about 2 / 3s through the things I had to talk about . Shit shit shitty shit shit . I might just pad to the Bourdieu crap . So over it . That will only make sense if you 've watched Bad Boys II recently , or you 're a freak like myself who quotes old movies . ( Bad Boys I , even though it was made before I was even in high school , still had me calling my maths teacher " Mike Lowrey " the way Martin Lawrence said it . Although I would never say it to Mrs . Lowrey 's face . . . ) So , seeing as I 've been sitting at my computer for two hours now and have only managed to scrape out another hundred words , I 've decided to implement incentives . If I manage to finish this essay tonight , or at the very most , 9am tomorrow , tomorrow I get to pamper myself by cleaning my room , sorting out my closet and buying a couple of things I don 't need . Yes , this is pampering myself because my room and closet are filth at the moment and it makes me so ill . Cleaning makes me happy . Organisation makes me happy . Ooh , maybe one of my rewards can be some of those clear boxes that slide under your bed , and I can put things in it that won 't fit in drawers . Now I 'm excited . I 'll finish my dinner and get right on it ! I spoke to my little sister for the first time in nearly a week and a half today . She talked my ear off for nearly half an hour . She loves to say things that she thinks will make me angry , like " Twilight sucks " and mentioning how much she loves my brother 's girlfiend ( typo , but it stays ) , but it makes me giggle , which makes her frustrated , which continues the cycle . She told me that she 's apparently " grown up " now , because she has learnt to catch the bus . Don 't laugh - I think this is a pretty big accomplishment . I still need to have people tell me exactly which bus number to catch , and bus timetables don 't make any sense to me at all ( I also don 't like the fact that you can 't get a bus timetable until you 're physically on the bus ) . It all comes from living in the Hills District , where there 's one bus company , and no trains , and I think maybe one bus a day ( not including school buses ) goes past my street , and doesn 't actually go down my street , so it 's still a 5 or so minute walk to tPosted by I 've written 1000 words . 996 to be exact . 1500 to go . I just can 't see how I 'll be able to do it . These first thousand were like pulling teeth , and it includes my intro and conclusion . I 'm thinking of going to bed and hoping I 'll do some in the morning . Maybe I should just hand it in on Monday and lose 20 % . We 'll see how tomorrow goes . I sent someone a little something something for their birthday next week . . . . And someone else whose birthday is coming up in just over a month should keep an eye out for their mail . . . Ja ? ? : PGod I hate surprises . I almost texted that person to let them know what it is that I was buying and sorry , there 's no tim tams this time . I had no time in my lunch break to go to both the post office and the supermarket to buy them . : ( You know , if I come to Germany next year , I will bring a suitcase of just tim tams for you . : ) Oh , and Lara , UPDATE YOUR BLOODY BLOG ! ! ! One post does not constitute a blog ! I got an email from my host family . It distracted me from the aura of stress I seem to be projecting today . I hope so badly that I can see them next year . It makes me sad to think that Jack 's already in year 5 and practically a grown up and I 'm missing out . I absolutely adore that little boy . He 's probably forgotten me by now . Right . So I finished my essay yesterday . Had I known how quickly it would be finished I would have not procrastinated so much . . . . yeah , that last sentence is a total lie . So anyway , finished it , went to print out my extension form . . . . and it said my extension was still pending . Because I hadn 't handed the supporting documents in . The supporting docs that I handed in last Monday . Why does the world hate me ? No Sarah , it doesn 't hate you . Obviously I 've just told the universe to not make things work out for me . Meh . Fail shmail ( she says , until her scholarship is revoked and she suddenly has to PAY for university ) . So meanwhile , I have a day and a half to finish this other essay . DO IT ! Don 't think about next week , or more particularly , the week after when you have annual leave and you 're going to hang out at home with the family . . . . DON ' T THINK AHEAD until everything 's finished . Stupid 1004 . Yes , titles recently have been very Prufrock themed , seeing as that 's all I can think about right now . I 'm currently writing the essay , I have all the material , but it 's just so hard ! ! ! I keep coming up with all these awesome ideas , but the essay 's only allowed to be 1000 words . Why the hell do they impose ridiculous word limits ? I 'm not even scratching the SURFACE let alone getting anything deeper in . Stupid poem had to be so bloody long and have to freaking much to say . Oh , and I finished Veronica Mars . LOVED it . So sad there 's only three seasons . . . . or not really . Seriously , I don 't know what my problem is . Do the readings . Do the essay . Simple , no ? No . Instead , I 'm watching Veronica Mars , reading the paper , baking cookies . . . Self - sabotage , thy name is Sarah . Meanwhile , I 'm absolutely buggered . Ironic choice of words . But anyway , absolutely buggered from lack of sleep . For some crazy reason I woke up at 8am after going to bed at about 2am . Silly girl . Last night was odd too . It started with us going to a dodgy , dodgy , pub to watch comedy , skipping out to get a coffee which , for some reason I decided not to get and got a smoothie instead , then off to a gay bar for karaoke . But before a gay bar Michael was refused entry to a pub for being " too drunk " . Just because he was skipping doesn 't mean he 's drunk ! He 's just a little gay ! ! ! This is the second time this sort of thing has happened . Last time it was Gilly 's 21st where he was kicked out of the pub for " walking drunk " , which Michael still maintains , and I concur , that he was just prancing . Lol . Speaking of gay though , it 's funny how homophobic Beau is . At Gateway , the gay bar ( gay bar , gay bar ) , Beau was busting to use the bathroom but had to wait until the one cubicle was free for fear of all the gays at the urinal . Lol . It 's funny when gay people are homophobic . But the gays are such a lovely people ! Much like the Filippinos ! ! the last two lines added for Michael 's viewing pleasure . So last night I went to see a production of Twelfth Night that was on at the uni . It was a pretty good interpretation , though for some reason they decided to make the ending a tragedy rather than the comedy it 's supposed to be . But I can live with that . In a testament to the power of Oprah ( like I needed proof ) , today I 'm going to go out and buy a cork board to turn into my " vision board " . Basically what I have to do is put my goals on it or something so I can visualise them actually happening . If that fails , at least I 'll have a pretty board with nice pictures in my room ! And it can 't hurt . I 'm also going to turn one of my cahiers into a gratitude journal . I was going to go out and buy a completely new one but decided against it , due to poverty . ( Speaking of which , I tried to withdraw $ 20 last night , but was declined . I just checked my account and had over $ 100 . Stupid bank trying to embarrass me in the store . ) But meanwhile , the gratitude journal is where at the end of each day , even if it was the shittiest day in the history of shitty days , you write down something positive that you are grateful for . This positive thinking stuff can 't hurt . Oh , and as a sign that I 'm MEANT to be in Germany next year , both Rachel AND Nicole Mac will be living over in Europe at the same time . Coincidence ? Yeah , probably , but I 'm using it as a sign . Rachel asked if I 'll be there at Christmas , which I will , and if she could spend Christmas with me cos she didn 't want to spend it with strangers or alone . Meanwhile , she 'll make so many new friends over there that she 'll forget about me ( lol ! ) but I was like , " Bitch please ! Like you get a choice . You 're staying with me , we 're going to drink warm red wine at the Christkindlmarket and we 're going to have a ( nother ) freezing cold Christmas . " Meanwhile , I so haven 't checked any of this out with Lara . Lol . I 'm just hoping for the best . Positive thoughts and all . There 's too many bad vibes in the house at the moment . There 's Miranda , the mess , and now Nadia is batshit crazy , plus the people in the back house keep writing messages on the whiteboard about things they 're cranky about . The first message was about people not washing their stuff properly . How many times have I had to rewash their stuff the next morning because it 's still dirty ? And last night they put a message on the board about people leaving the shower dripping in the main bathroom , and to turn it off . But how many times have I gone past their shower and the tap is dripping ? I don 't make a fuss , I just turn that shit off . Things like that aren 't hurting anyone . They 're annoying , but not making the place unbearable to live in . The mess is . Seriously , just wipe down the bench after you 've cooked . Why is that difficult . Isn 't it just a habit after years and years ? I hardly ever used to cook when I lived at home , yet on those odd occasions I did I cleaned everything up afterwards . And why would you keep piling things into the recycling bin if it 's full ? Empty it . Which is what I 'll have to do now . I know , I go over this a lot on here , but it 's all the more annoying now . I think everyone 's gotten to the point in the house that they hate everyone else and everything everyone does . In other news , Jonas came up to visit on Saturday night . I wanted to show him a good time in town . HA ! Oxymoron . It was a shit night and I felt so bad . He came all the way up here to do absolutely nothing . Oh well . So I 've decided to bake cookies today for tomorrow 's funeral . I 've decided to make the monster cookies that Jen Collopy made for that au pair cookie swap . God , I loved those cookies . I hope they turn out well . On another note , last weekend I asked my manager if I could use her as a reference in getting a Christmas casual job , and she looked at me like a crazy woman . " But you 'll be getting so many hours here ! " she said . " Well , can you guarantee that ? Because last Christmas I was lucky to be getting 14 hours a week , and coupled with the thousand times I had to move and the expensive rent etc . I was on struggle street . " " Well , you 'll definately be doing at least the full 30 hours per week that you can do as a casual , and we will be making a few fulltime contracts for the Christmas period , so you may get one of those . " Sounds good to me . The way the General Manager , David , put it , sounded like I 'd definately be getting one cos I 'm on the merch team . I know it sounds silly , but I really was hoping for a second job . I was going to set up a specific bank account for that job so the money could go into a separate account and I 'd never see it . Now I need to actually learn how to save . Inconceivable ! ! ! So I 've decided to use Uncle George 's death to ask for an extension on my Creative Writing critical essay . In my defense , I am going to spend tomorrow morning baking cookies to bring to the wake . And it has put me in a weird place . But using it as a reason for an extension makes me feel so guilty . It reminds me of my first time in uni when I cited " family problems " as an excuse for an extension and then my parents seperated . . . So I went home on Saturday night to take Mary out for dinner for her birthday . When I got there my cousin Laura was there as I had known she would be , but Mary had also brought a friend . Crap . And here 's me with absolutely no money . So I 'm there at home , chatting with everyone , in a bit of a weird crazy mood because of the massive amounts of sugar I always consume on the way down to Sydney , when I ask about something random , like a TV show or something , and my grandma comes out with : " Uncle George died this morning . " WHAT ? ? ? I just burst into tears . Uncle George is my grandma 's little brother , whom she adores / d . He 's been sick for so long , and we all knew it was coming , but it still shocked me . And the way she just came out with it all of a sudden . I was pretty annoyed that she didn 't call me in the morning as soon as she found out , but she said she didn 't want to tell me because she knew I 'd be coming down anyway . ARGH . So anyway , the next day we went to Auntie Joan 's to hang out , cos that 's what we do when someone dies . My grandma is in her prime in these situations , cracking jokes like there 's no tomorrow . It was funny to see her so on fire . My cousin Carolina was there with her kids , who I just think are the greatest . Matthew , her oldest son , and the oldest of the grandkids on their side , has been hit the hardest . He was so close with Uncle George . They were more like father and son . Something that annoyed me was that my grandma compared the close bond between Matt and Uncle George and Daniel and Nonno . I 'm so sick of everyone saying how close Dan and Nonno were , and the reason that people keep saying it is because Dan keeps saying that nonno was his best friend . Well , Dan had a crappy way of showing it . He never did anything Nonno asked him to do and Nonno was always disappointed in Dan . My grandma had a dream the other day , just before George passed away , about my Nonno , and in it he was angry at Jonas . Hmmm , I wonder what that could signify ? Yet everyone 's gone and interpreted it as an , " Oh yes , it was because UPosted by So I went to the Hub yesterday to talk to my programme officer about exchange . Basically her information was the stuff I 'd worked out for myself , things like how I wouldn 't be doing education subjects , just english and history . Thanks . Meanwhile , I have now picked up an application form and I 'm ready to get the ball rolling . PLEASE work out ! I also have to start working on my next assignment . I 'm hoping to have it done by next weekend at the latest so then I can start on the NEXT one . Our tutor doesn 't seem to really get what we have to do . He expects us to do all this stuff , and I felt like going , " Erm , you know it 's only 1000 words . . . you can 't even go into depth on the ONE text in that many words , let alone extras . " Whatever . I 've decided to do my essay on T . S . Eliot 's " The Love Song of J . Alfred Prufrock " because I remember studying it at school and I kind of hated it , but I reread it this year and loved it . It will be nice writing an essay about it without going on about alliteration and similes . Not too much else . Still in a pissy mood , but at least I know why now . Tomorrow , Trent from work is hosting a murder mystery party for his birthday . It 's Roman themed , though get this for my character : HER NAME IS ROTUNDA . Thanks . Give me the fat name . : PThe character is awesome though . Full name , Rotunda Immaculata , and she 's a Vestal Virgin and beautiful . I hope I 'm the murderer ! ! ! I really do . I 'm tossing up whether to make a toga or wear this kind of Grecian maxi dress I 've had since last year but have never worn . I also found an awesome laurel - leaf - looking headband from Diva so I 'll wear that too . Cannot wait ! I went to a cowboys and indians themed 21st for a girl from work . It was kind of a shit night . I wasn 't drinking , and all I wanted to do was dance , but alas , it wasn 't to be . Above is the Borders crew , with some Borders wannabes ( ie . my two housemates , Leesha and Anne , plus Beau , who is friends with Michael and I have a class with at uni ) . This photo 's the only close - up I have of me , and I thought it was fitting that Michael and I had matching hats . We 're totally set for Mardi Gras next year . : P Oh , and that 's Jess popping up in the middle . I don 't know what 's wrong with me ? I 've been in a shitty mood for about a week now . I thought it was because of Dan and Jonas going to Indy on Nonno 's thing , but I think it 's from before that . Nonno 's birthday ? Getting sick ? Cassie 's birthday ? Meeting Miranda ? I have no idea . I need to get out of this mess . I also need to finish this assignment . That 's probably the thing that 's not helping the most - it 's 9pm and I have 1200 words to write and 6 books to skim read and write about . I think I 'm going to go to McDonald 's and buy a sundae . Or not . I 'm thinking I want chocolate , because I want to feel better , but then I 'll just feel worse . I 'm just tired of waking up and being angry / sad / unhappy / miserable / cranky / not in control of things . I need to finish this assignment , then go to the Hub tomorrow or Tuesday and ask about whether Germany would be feasible . I 've been censored ! ! ! I have so much gossip to talk about but cannot because I did a stupid thing and told the world I 'd tell no one ! ! ! And it 's great gossip too , and from multiple people . Why oh why do people confide in me ? ? ? ? I can 't help my nature - I 'm Filo ! Gossiping is our life - blood , our one event at the Olympics where we aren 't disqualified for a false start ( the one time I 've seen a Filippino in an Olympic event he was disqualified for a false start ) . DAMMIT ! ! I need to tell someone what everyone 's been telling me , but the people I want to tell are all involved and other people don 't know them , so it would just be a confusing mass of , " So _____ and ______ did blah blah blah . " I totally need a diary . I 'm so fucking angry at the moment . I got a call from Jonas last night asking me if I remembered the plans the family had for scattering Nonno 's ashes on the aniversary of his death . Do I remember ? ? I took annual leave for that weekend months ago . So anyway , apparently we can 't do it that weekend . Because Jonas and Daniel are going to Indy that weekend . Oh really ? I 'm so fucking pissed . When he told me I grit my teeth and asked , " How could you schedule a holiday on the one day that you really shouldn 't ? " and Jonas was just like , " Well , Dan and I didn 't know the date for Indy . " Fucking cancel that shit ! What the fuck ? I 'm already shitty that it 's taken us so long to scatter his ashes , that they 've been sitting in that fucking box next to his bed for an entire year , and then this ? ? At least the anniversary of his death would have been symbolic , but now we 're just doing it on a random day that doesn 't conflict with anyone 's precious vacations . So anyway , I checked the calendar , and the weekend after his death isn 't good for me because the Monday after it everything in the entire world is due , so I 'm like , " Well , that weekend 's not good for me , " and Jonas was like , " Well , we can do it whenever . " Sure . OK . It 's like I 'm the only one who cares . I was the only one who cared about his birthday , and practically the only one who remembered . But the rest of the family thinks it 's weird that I haven 't moved on . I think it 's weird how easily they did . And it 's not that I haven 't moved on , cos I don 't think of him everyday now , like I did in the beginning , but I just think that days like his birthday and the day he died are important , crazy as that may sound . In other news , I 'm just in such an angry mood . I pretty much hate everyone today . People in the house are shitting me with their disgusting mess , work is shitting me , and I haven 't even been in there since Sunday . Just the fact that I have to go tomorrow is shitting me , and the fact that I 'm working 10 - 7 when I thought it would only be a five hour shift . And the fact that I 'm so cPosted by
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6 : 15 p . m . Today 's project was to prepare a home style dinner for our oldest son Sean . I call it " home style " because it 's pretty much what I made the kids and Steve for dinner at least twice a month - - spaghetti and meatballs . In lean times there would be a bit of crumbled sausage or a couple of slices of pepperoni , or no meat at all . The key is to saute the fresh veggies , pressed garlic and meat in virgin olive oil , add plenty of herbs and seasonings , and a good tot of dark red Burgundy to a large pot of sauce . The tomato portion was 1 small can Contadina tomato paste , 1 16 oz can tomato halves , and two large cans Del Monte tomato sauce . I just love the different textures of paste , large chunks of tomato , and smooth sauce ! I could eat a whole can of tomato paste , so sweet and delicious . My pasta had to be Buitoni or Creamettes . The sauce cooked for the better part of two days . If I felt particularly into it , I 'd finish it off in the oven for an additional few hours . All this before the Food Network ! The Joy of Cooking was and is my encyclopedia . I had lessons from an excellent Italian home cook , and worked at a huge Italian restaurant , La Barbera 's in Santa Monica , when I was in college . The flavors just became ingrained in me . It struck me as so funny when one of my sons told me that he never really liked spaghetti , so I replied " that 's what families of 7 eat ! ! " But no one ever turned down my garlic bread that went with it ! ( Like getting the kids to eat a hearty soup by making it the price of admission to get the cornbread , rolls , or biscuits ) ! The births of each of my children had different and dramatic effects on my life , but birthing my firstborn was a game - changer . Up to that point , I 'd lived a pretty indulged life : raised in beautiful Redlands ; three years in a sorority at UCLA , as well as being a member of honor societies and clubs ; worked various part - time jobs for extra spending money ; and then about 3 years before Sean was born , moved to Colorado for the country hippie lifestyle . Married by now , I became a new mom at 24 . This was 1975 . No sonograms were given unless the doctor suspected a problem ; and I don 't know whether ultrasounds had even been invented . Of course , home births and midwives were all the rage in our cabin and tee pee crowd , but were very much frowned upon by the establishment . ( I opted for regular doctor visits and natural childbirth in the noisy , bare bones , green - everywhere Delta County hospital . Let 's not get too crazy ) ! I did make it all the way to the end , when I finally accepted a Demerol shot . With your first labor , you don 't know how bad it may get before it 's over ! No painkillers with any of the others , though . Why chance endangering the baby ? One thing I learned that followed me with every subsequent birth , was that I was Rh negative , so I had to get a nasty rhogam shot after Sean was born , for protection , they said , for the next pregnancy . Is that theory still in practice today ? At 60 , I 'm out of the loop ! Now I was responsible for another person , physically responsible , not just at a job , or tutoring struggling peers . But the magical , God - thing about carrying a baby for 9 months is that you love that little one already before you ever see them ! You have nurtured their every moment with your own food consumption , and cleaned up all of your bad habits so he will be healthy . And when you feed your firstborn from your own breast - - it 's hard to believe it 's happening . The bond is so intense , unlike anything else on this earth ! It 's a bond God created and recognizes as totally unique . The Lord shows how infinitely He remembers , knows and loves His children by comparing His love to a mother 's love . That is a signal honor , in my eyes ! In response to Zion 's claim that God has forsaken and forgotten them , He answers in Isaiah 49 : 15 - 16a , " Can a woman forget her nursing child , and not have compassion on the son of her womb ? Surely they may forget , yet I will not forget you . See , I have engraved you on the palms of My hands . " From Sean 's tiny blood - tipped ear I spotted when I first held him , to his ever - growing walk with the Lord throughout childhood , the teen years , as a young adult and now as a father himself , I know God has a special work for him to do in His name ! And that work is already conceived , planned out and prepared and at work even now . For me , the ultimate lesson , the reward of a prayerful mother 's journey is found , for each child , in I Corinthians 2 : 9 : 10 : 28 p . m . Today 's project was to prepare a devotional for the Heart to Home " Origami Ornament " class tonight at Calvary Moreno Valley . The Lord has placed on my heart that before each class , we need to have a word from scripture , because this is a ministry of the church . While the classes are open to all women , the focus must remain on the Lord . Saints and seekers welcome ! Normally , I will scroll through recent blogposts for appropriate messages , because they are just the right length for a 2 minute devotional . At times , I 've written my post with that evening 's class in mind . After a few forays into the Internet this morning , I realized that the At & T network was dead ; thus , no visiting the blog . Time to do it the old fashioned way - - type it up fresh on Microsoft Word and print it ! ( Actually , that 's not even old fashioned ! For my verse - by - verse Bible studies each summer , I make my notes on a legal pad , and then teach from longhand writing in a wireless notebook ) . We had finished devotions and breakfast , and since I 'd scheduled Steve 's caregiver to stay most of the day so I could get more done , both for ministry and business , they went out to walk the dog . I wrote the title , " Where is your hope placed ? " quoting Psalm 39 : 7 : Human beings are certainly gifted to study , apply intellect and inventiveness to improve living conditions . And we all are commanded to help the poor in any way we can with the means God grants us . But we must remember , that our hope is in Christ , the Author and Finisher of our faith ! He may well reward the researchers ' efforts with a cure for Alzheimer 's for the next generation . Our family , however , is not waiting until that point to love and obey Christ , and serve Him by ministering to others . We are doing what God designed us to do : living ! 9 : 44 p . m . Today 's project was to travel to Irvine in Orange County with my friend Gretchen Willia s . Since she is a year - round volunteer with Operation Christmas Child , she was able to secure a date for us to participate in sorting and packing shoe boxes for impoverished children around the wor d . The shoe boxes contain toys , candy , clothing , shoes , games , scripture materials , Bible stories , small books , puzzles , school supplies , anything you can imagine coming from a loving family here Stateside , to the child God has already selected to receive the b x . Many boxes contain pictures of the sending family and darling , Christ - filled letters from one or more of their ki s . Today 's boxes are headed for Indones I remember when Operation Christmas Child began . Franklin Graham ( son of evangelist Billy Graham ) , president of Samaritan 's Purse , an international helps ministry , came to Harvest Christian Fellowship in Riverside to dedicate the hundreds of piled - up , colorful boxes on the stage of the huge sanctuary . At least one of our now - grown and mostly - married children wasn 't even born yet . But as soon as they were able to make their own selections as preschoolers on our annual trip to the nearby Kmart , they wanted to pack their own boxes . My parents always filled up a box or two , and my dad still makes up a box some years , or just comes to our house with the small shipping donation and his selections for the age of child he wants to send to . As our children have grown up , they and their significant others packed boxes too . Despite all of the special food , gifts , ministry , business and public Christmas celebrations we take for granted here even in difficult times , we don 't forget children in war - torn countries whose only gift ever will be their shoebox . And these children have seen their share of the evil of this world ! When the two of us arrived , we stopped to unload some packed boxes from the Moreno Valley Chik - Fil - A , a Christian fast - food restaurant that has come alongside OCC nationwide . Then we checked in at the front desk and watched an instruction video on the sorting and packing process . we both determined to be inspectors , if the Lord would have it that so , because neither of us can lift much or do well at the twisting and pulling inherent with taking the strong packing tape and winding it around the filled boxes . and then packing 14 to 16 packed boxes into a huge one would just be too much lifting and stooping . As for God 's decision on our jobs , Psalm 103 : 14 says , " He knows our frame ; He knows that we are dust . " Just substitute Dana and Gretchen in that verse , and you 'll know why God mercifully gave us both inspector jobs ! I just loved checking the boxes ' contents , dropping into the " inappropriate " pail chocolate candy that would melt , lotions , gels and any other liquids that could come open and ruin several boxes . We all regretted the necessity of removing bottles of bubble soap , because kids all around the world love blowing bubbles . But OCC 's discards will be donated to local needy families . There is to be no waste in God 's economy ! Every hour a pastor or ministry director would stop all activity in the huge warehouse to call us all to prayer . We were working this Boxing Day ( unlike our English friends ' holiday ) , and working hard for six hours , but it was an honor to play a tiny role in this undertaking , and time just flew by . Corporate prayer at our work stations put everything we did in perspective : Operation Christmas Child is truly GOD ' S work ! We were challenged to tell someone about Jesus today . I love to mention the Lord to people I meet , and testify of Him when I spend enough time for a conversation . Why would I keep the Secret to a victorious , overcoming life of peace from someone who needs to know Him so badly ? ( And that 's every unsaved person ) ! I did manage to thank the Lord for untangling some confusion as to my pump number at our gas station stop when talking to the clerk , and she got a big smile on her face . But since I now pump the gasoline for the Jeep even if Steve 's there , I had to get back to my car . I also didn 't want Steve to have to sit out in the car very long - - it got very sunny today ! After lunch and changing clothes - - always an issue of great confusion now - - we drove off in the brilliant sunshine to the tree farm , 7 miles away . Because I was planning to give the checkout lady a hand cream sample and the flyer about our Mary Kay " Adopt a Grandparent " Christmas fundraiser , business mileage needed to be documented . I noticed a large sign reminding everyone to breathe the trees in as we walk through the hilly pine " forests , " because trees do take in carbon dioxide and give off oxygen . Respiration , I believe ? Made me want to teach a classroom of children a bit of earth science like I used to ! Up on the top of the hill at the end of our climb to the " Reservation " area from the lower " Choose & Cut " section , we reveled in the cool breeze and the panoramic view of Mead Valley , Woodcrest and some of the Orangecrest area of Riverside . Then very slowly , with me helping Steve over the uneven ground on the road up and even more awkwardly , between the trees and over the watering tubes that didn 't always lie flat on the ground , we inspected the sizes and prices . Lowering the height of our next tree will lower our bill by $ 10 at least ! We 'll have Heidi and Pavel to help us next Sunday afternoon , so I decided we 'd just head for the choose and cut , get lots of opinions - - in other words , like in years past with all of the kids along - - and buy the chosen tree on the spot . The more opinions we get each year on our tree selection , the less complaints later about its shape and appearance ! Thank you , Lord , for our enjoyment and safety walking up - and downhill , and for a wise plan for our Christmas tree cutting ! Later , at Home Fellowship , we spoke about the qualifications of an elder in the church , ( Titus 2 : 1 - 2 ) . The Holy Spirit 's presence was evident " where two or three are gathered " ( Matthew 18 : 20 ) . Steve was alert and even trying to follow along ! We were reminded of the three stages of Christian life : Not one of these stages in a believer 's life can take place without the fresh breeze of the Holy Spirit ! He leads us to conviction and repentance to get saved ; guides us with wisdom through the ups and downs and uneven places in this life ; and He trains and prepares us for heaven . Steve and I enjoyed our hilltop experience today , but so much more awaits us as we look towards heaven ! The disciples saw Jesus go back up into heaven from Mount Olivet , Acts 1 : 9 - 11 : Now when He had spoken these things , while they watched , He was taken up , and a cloud received Him out of their sight . And while they looked steadfastly toward heaven as He went up , behold , two men stood by them in white apparel , who also said , " Men of Galilee , why you stand gazing up into heaven ? This same Jesus , who was taken from you into heaven , will so come in like manner as you saw Him go into heaven . " 4 : 01 p . m . Today 's project was to move from fall / Thanksgiving mode to Christmas season in my mind and in my home decorating . It might take my heart another day or so to catch up , since Thanksgiving seemed to come early this year . An outing to the Hillhaven Pines tree farm tomorrow after church ought to do the trick ! As I put away my pumpkins , wooden leaves , turkeys and fall door hangings , and found my Advent calendar on the top shelf of the " holiday linen closet , " I thought about our kids fighting over whose turn it was to open a door and reveal the tiny ornament behind it . Looking at our oldest Nativity set , I thought about my preschoolers snatching the Baby Jesus out of the manger to put in bed with them at night . Sweet , sweet memories ! I took out a few seasonal pillows , my hand - carved wooden Merry Christmas letters for the coffee table , and put a red rug and decorated wastebasket in the guest bathroom , stopping just shy of putting up the unbelievably bright shower curtain . It is a little early ! Steve spent the afternoon sweeping and raking leaves , after a few false starts , such as bringing the wrong dumpster for the job , then taking it back to get the green waste receptacle , and then returning with the one he started out with . It 's getting harder and harder to get him to listen and follow even the simplest directions . But after a few moments he got on track , raked , and put the leaves in the green waste dumpster . That enabled me to have some time to pull tote bins out of the hall closet and get started . A job he thoroughly enjoyed last year and took pride in now causes him to hang his head and look depressed . The strain on his mind is just so great , it seems , for him to do anything but sit down and eat his meals . Am I ready to give up all expectations that Steve can perform any helpful activities ? As it is , the morning caregiver is the one who actually walks our dog , and just allows Steve to hold the leash for a minute or two . I or his caregiver help him dress each day . ( Not easy for a smaller person to dress a much larger one ; could use prayer for my back ) . Steve now is utterly confused when scooping food out of the barrel for Jada , and then goes to the back patio door where she sits waiting at 5 p . m . , in full view because the blinds aren 't closed all the way , and sets it down on the floor in front of her without opening the slider . Good thing Jada is a patient soul ! She just looks to me to tell Steve to open the slider and feed her . Come to think of it , she 's been a lot more affectionate with me lately , seeking a pat on the head every time I go by her , whereas when Steve was actively engaging with her and Bailey , they barely acknowledged me - - they only looked to him . And now Jada looks to me , " As the eyes of a maid [ look ] to the hand of her mistress , " Psalm 123 : 2a puts it . Guess I am the pack leader at home now ! Tonight , I asked Steve to go to the garage and get the dog 's food , but when I looked around the corner , he was sitting on the stairs with his head in his hands . So , I asked him again , explaining that my reason was that it is good for us both to help out at home . I led him out to the garage , and pointed to the barrel on the opposite end . He walked over there , and I knew I had time to take a quick break , pardon me . Upon my return , I saw that he had taken the lid off the barrel , so far so good , but the upturned lid is where he 'd put the first scoop of dog food . I helped him get three scoops into the dish , walked him to the patio door , and directed him to open it and put the food down on the patio . Things are definitely different this year . Last year was difficult enough for me when I aroused Steve 's anger by asking for assistance with boxes in the downstairs hall closet . He apologized and we went on to decorate our Steve is quieter now , generally , but does get into fits occasionally , like today , tossing over the green dumpster when he couldn 't remember where it went . Praise the Lord that it just landed on the lawn instead of sailing over the front hedge and into the path of one of the hundreds of cars that stop at our corner ! Looks like I 'll need more assistance here at home , because no one person can handle erratic and unpredictable actions of their loved one . Steve could have run into the street , worst case scenario , even though I was standing right there . I pray the day won 't come when I 'll have to press my alert button , but I will certainly do it if necessary , and accede to whichever authorities arrive . I checked Steve 's remaining insurance benefits in a letter that came today , and it shows that I 've been very sparing in using our long term care policy , thinking I 'm being what the Bible calls a " wise steward " ( Luke 12 : 42 ) . I 've been trying to be careful with our funds , but that may actually be unwise in this case . While being careful is prudent , excessive caution is lack of trust in what God has so generously provided ! Philippians 4 : 6 ( KJV ) tells me and you not to be anxious : When Steve 's breakfast was finished , the caregiver took him and Jada for a walk . I made my elaborate soft - scrambled eggs with Velveeta cheese , salsa , spinach , ham , green peppers and onion from my garden , and 6 eggs . That 's how I 'm able to enjoy hot breakfasts for about four days , just cutting off and microwaving each day 's portion . Normally I use grated block cheese , like Jack or cheddar , but Velveeta was quick for today . So tasty , especially accompanied by this season 's Coffee Mate peppermint mocha creamer in my coffee , while listening to a top Mary Kay sales director 's motivational message on speakerphone . Proverbs , like chapter 10 : 4 , " The hand of the diligent maketh rich , " are always on my mind . They keep me motivated to continue learning and be challenged to grow my business ! But something was calling to me , hmmm , what could it be ? Oh yes , a couple of large servings of Pumpkin Crunch that are in a 9 x 13 " glass pan in the fridge ! I ate so many desserts yesterday - - Rice Krispy treats with cranberries and white chocolate , fab pumpkin dip with apple slices and whole wheat pretzels , apple pie , and organic pumpkin pie , cranberry sauce and candied yams with dinner - - that it was like " the hair of the dog " kind of thing at breakfast ! So I chunked off some good servings and just relieved the fun day yesterday , the family and fellowship , and of course , the food ! ! The kids came back from the movies ravenous again , and nearly picked my turkey clean , and then were about to eat all the desserts , but I sagely and silently put the Pumpkin Crunch away while I cleaned up the last touches in the kitchen . Then . . . I certainly could not indulge myself like this at any other time of the year , or I 'd gain some serious pounds . Probably would experience some headaches and digestive upsets , too . God has " given us richly all things to enjoy , " ( I Timothy 6 : 17 ) , but not all at once nor in excess quantities that might compromise our health . With that in mind , may you and yours enjoy a Pumpkin Crunch today , or next month , or next Thanksgiving ! ! Preheat oven to 350 degrees . Grease bottom of 13 x 9 x 2 " pan . Combine pumpkin , milk , eggs , sugar , pumpkin pie spice and salt in large bowl and pour into pan . Sprinkle dry cake mix evenly over pumpkin mixture . Top with pecans . Drizzle with melted butter . Bake 350 degrees 50 - 55 minutes or until golden . Cool completely on rack . Serve with whipped cream or ice cream if desired . Refrigerate leftovers . The morning started oddly , because my cell phone was on silent mode , so when it went off at 6 a . m . , I never heard it . But the Lord opened my eyes at 6 : 41 , because He knew I needed the rest . When I checked in on Steve , he was just awakening , so we got his supplements into him , and then he went back to bed while I showered and put on a t - shirt from a Wales mission trip and my Heather 's old dance practice sweat pants from King High School . The things I had feared - - not cooking the turkey long enough , dinner too late for my dad to return home in the daylight , Kathy not making it on time - - were totally allayed by the Lord . Not one part of our meal was out of place , and everyone arrived safely . We had a great dinner ! Later , Heidi and Pavel came over and shared in the plenteous desserts , along with Nick and Heather and his sister Amy . Then the kids all went to see the new " Muppet Movie " while Steve rested from the noise that had him burying his head in his hands , and I cleaned up , hand washing the crystal and china . This was our annual tradition with one exception : Steve is no longer able to help , but God has given me " power , love , and a sound mind " ( 2 Timothy 1 : 7 ) and plenty of energy at age 60 . We did have some different touches this year - - no gold plated tableware , because Steve and Heidi are the ones who always knew how to return the items to their correct slots , not to mention their help with the extra hand washing . Now he can 't do it , and she wasn 't home . With a small group , I had enough regular daily silverware to cover , thank you , Lord . I used an old , delicate tablecloth with the matching napkins , instead of the large ones that take a lot of folding . And I planned for Steve to sit between my dad and me for help as needed . The fact that God is with me in these small details of one annual holiday , as well as with the huge trials I experience , I realize that even with the tragedy of losing my husband to Alzheimer 's , I have much to be thankful for : healthy children and grandsons ; everyone employed ; a new grand baby on the way ; the ability to buy the drugs Steve 's needs for now ; a home to live in ; care for Steve when I can 't do it ; ministry ; and my business . Only the Lord could put all of these life - portions together , and only God can make my life work in ways that glorify Him ! 7 : 57 p . m . Today 's project was to spend time with both of my married daughters , Heidi Ilie and Heather Love . They both very smoothly managed to knock seven letters off their last name by marrying ! ! And as their mother , I 'll quote Proverbs 18 : 22 to my sons - in - law , that " he who finds a wife finds a good thing . " And my good girls became good women , before I knew it ! I cannot deny that this Thanksgiving will be difficult for me , now that my older daughter Heidi , my right - hand helper since girlhood , has married and moved about 20 minutes away to Redlands . She actuallly made a complete Thanksgiving dinner by herself with Mom standing by a few years back . When I cook , she could be counted on to help set the table , peel or mash potatoes and make at least one pie . Tomorrow , she and husband Pavel will be at his family 's big family get together - - like we usually have here . My Heather has been eating dinner with her in - laws early , and she and Nick pop over for dessert and nibbles of our dinner that we 're still enjoying . My dad is always present , and some years my sister 's family comes from San Diego . Happily , my son and his wife from Long Beach will be here , and our son from Fresno is on the way as I write this . His girlfriend is coming from Bakersfield for dinner . So what 's the problem ? The problem is fear ! The fear this year is having no help with lifting the stuffed turkey , and missing the general hands - on help that Steve always provided . The lawns would be immaculate , the high chandeliers sparkling . So I 've needed to make do . This week , I had the house cleaned , Nick hung a picture for me , Pavel put the extra leaf in the dining room table and helped Steve with the dog and other tasks while Heidi and I shopped for her apple pie . Adult daycare made it possible for me to complete several financial errands and do some business as well earlier in the day . Why do I feel a bit down ? We 've had years when only immediate family was at the table - - but that was eight people , with Daddy . And my mom was there every year before she passed in 2006 . It 's fear ! The fear for next year is that Steve may either be at home bedridden and basically absent from the family mentally , and I will be a virtual widow . I am already trying to get the girls to think of how to handle the holidays in 2012 . As I talked it over with Heather ( who kindly brought us Subway , keeping our Night - Before - Thanksgiving tradition ) , she is confident that the Lord will show us all what we need to do , now that everyone but Steven has in - laws whom they - - and we - - love very much . Speaking of our youngest , he has been home for an hour now , and just as lively , Spirit - filled and joyful as ever . Steve had already gone to bed , so Heather , Steven and I enjoyed a good conversation about health foods , Alzheimer supplements . Honestly , I have always been blessed by the health and vigor of these two youngest kids , the ones whose gestation was enhanced by Shaklee Vitalea , a pure food alfalfa multivitamin supplement that I took instead of prenatal vitamins . So when Steven showed me an alfalfa supplement from Lassens , the organic market he works for , I happily made plans to start taking it . And the Lord is so good - - I ran out of Vitalea just this week for lack of finances ! The energy and staying power I have been known for I can credit to God introducing me to organic gardening , these vitamins and consuming natural foods if at all possible . And how uplifting to share His gifts with my son who is in the health and fitness business . Ministry leadership issues and scripture were woven throughout Heather 's , Steven 's and my wide - ranging conversation as well . 3 : 55 p . m . Today 's project was to stay home for the day and work within the realization that we are two days away from Thanksgiving . For us cooks , bakers , hostesses and homemakers , our countdown has already begun ! Time to " get a grip ! " My normal day includes facial appointments and parties , but this week has been quite exceptional . My clientele , for the most part , are grocery shopping or preparing to shop at the last minute for the meal they 'll be cooking , or they are getting ready to travel to a family 's house for their Thanksgiving meal and getting a side dish or dessert planned . It 's not easy to book appointments when women are so distracted , even though I do have facials on my books for next week . Seemed like an ideal day to stay home and bake whole wheat - pecan dinner rolls , and freeze them for Thanksgiving . I did conduct some business , however , sending out a massive email for the Pink Friday sale I 'm having . I know that my customers will be shopping , so they might as well do some of their shopping with me ! This morning , I was particularly tired , especially with Steve getting up just as I was about to get in the shower , and needing some care before he returned to bed . So after I got Steve 's breakfast and online devotional ready , I told the caregiver that I 'd be lying down in the next room while he handled the morning routine . By the time I came downstairs at 8 : 15 , the guys were returning from a short walk with Jada , Steve was in good spirits , and he 'd even held Jada 's leash a few times . To think that Steve handled both strong - willed , vigorous labs singlehandedly on 2 . 5 miles of fast walking every day until a few months ago ! I just have to call upon the Lord for the " peace that passes understanding " ( Philippians 4 : 7 ) , whenever I 'm tempted to dwell too long on Steve 's former healthy condition . After my devotions were finished , we both began our tasks , edging the back patio for Steve , and roll making for me . I 'm always leery of expecting success on my first batch of Thanksgiving yeast rolls , because I 'm so out of practice that I end up having to make more than one . Last year I concocted 4 batches , if you can imagine . Even with help from one of my grandsons , only one batch turned out well enough to serve the large extended family group , and others were frozen for Steve , who loves any kind of bread . Now I can only imagine having enough time to bake without constantly checking on Steve 's safety and frame of mind . But the Lord was abundantly gracious to me today . In between breaks for snacks , lunch and changing of Steve 's tasks , I was able to do each step of my baking ! And in the middle of refining and adding to my customer email list , and the rolls going into the oven , we sat down together and watched a modern version of The Velveteen Rabbit until he fell asleep , which happens several times a day . So I slipped back over to the computer to complete my business . The rolls came out crunchy and tasty , so I cooled and froze them . Maybe tomorrow I 'll make another kind , or a quick bread , or just buy some Brown ' n Serve for those who want softer rolls . Our group will be small , since both daughters are having Thanksgiving with their in - laws , who are local and we love very much . They 'll come over for dessert and movies . Next year , I have a feeling I 'll be needing much more support to get through the holidays . This looks to be the last Thanksgiving Steve will be able to sit at a dinner table and handle his eating utensils . I think I 'll place him between youngest son Steven and myself for quiet assistance . Similar arrangements have been made for this evening , when Steve 's friend Bob will be picking him up for the Men 's Bible study potluck and keeping him under his wing for the evening . I cannot be everywhere , and that 's the way it should be . God wants to use and bless others in Steve 's life , and our church friends are more than eager to help . But even their help is God - ordained ! 2 : 11 p . m . Today 's project was to quickly get my major Thanksgiving dinner ingredients from Vons , before meeting with my team member Chelsey to find new leads for our Mary Kay businesses . It 's pretty daunting for even the most outgoing of people - - like me - - to walk up to strangers and engage them in a fun , positive conversation , in order to offer them a free facial and makeover . But whether we are chatting with women in a grocery store line and offering product samples or asking for help with an opinion survey or scavenger hunt , it 's a necessary part of any sales business to meet people . Eventually , business owners will have enlisted all of their family and friends , so a professional knows it 's time to branch out ! Think of the big , successful businesses you know . I 'll guarantee , as a former insurance agent who sold group and life policies to small corporations , that they had to knock on doors , sell items from their trucks or ideas from the living rooms of the friends they just met . But they persisted , and are reaping rewards today . Again and again , the Bible speaks of diligence in our work . " Well done , good and faithful servant ; you were faithful over a few things , I will make you ruler over many things . Enter into the joy of your lord . " Leadership isn 't just over other people at work . A mother is a leader to her children , a husband leads the entire household . And we need to take leadership and mastery over our selfishness , fear and resentment and self - pity through prayer and the help of God the Holy Spirit . Romans 8 : 26 - 27 tells us that the Holy Spirit prays for us when we don 't even know what the problem is or how to pray about it ! I heard a message this morning about leadership being a process . The speaker pictured three points of a triangle : your potential , your process , and eventually , your promise fulfilled . ( I would word it that the third step is the achievement of a big goal ) . Her example was Moses . His 3 stages each lasted 40 years : from the palace of Pharaoh , to his life in Midian , tending his father - in - law 's flocks ; to leading God 's people through many bitter trials to the Promised Land . She pointed out that for believers , each person 's plan and process is God - ordained and individually designed by Him ! It is so encouraging to realize how much God loves me , that He has no intention of taking me through the same trials as everyone else in a similar position . And what I may be experiencing as a hard trial now is not just for my benefit , but for the good of others I don 't even know are aware of me . So , while no one goes through trials perfectly without some whining and discouragement , we do want to make progress in our attitude and fortitude as we go through . Remember , Jesus is at the beginning , alongside as we progress , and ahead of us as we prayerfully come out of our trials as stronger , more beautifully seasoned believers than we entered in ! Job 23 : 10 says , So I had to face my fears and walk up to a couple of young gals at Starbucks as an example to my consultant ; there really was no getting out of it ! Not if I want to be a leader others will follow . Amazingly , they agred to having facials next Wednesday ! After we walked in separate directions , my consultant also picked up a couple of leads , so we agreed that she had gotten past " terrified " to " still terrified , but pleased with her results . " 9 : 40 p . m . Today 's project was to enjoy a nice long morning before leaving early for church . It 's amazing how calm and orderly our mornings are now with help for Steve arriving each day at 6 : 30 a . m . This was the first Sunday we 've had our caregiver come , so I got up an hour earlier than usual to make it to 2nd service , but I can get used to it ! While Steve ate the scrambled eggs I prepared for hi , the caregiver volunteered to take Jada for a walk , because it was too cold for Steve to go out , and there was a window of time he wasn 't needed . It was a little brisk , but Steve gets very chilled like my late mother would in her late 70 's after her stroke . I wonder if a brain malfunction makes bodily temperature regulation go awry ? Mommy would wear a windbreaker in August ! So I readily assented , and Jada was certainly glad for the exercise and attention ! Our guest speaker was just amazing , a young pastor from Calvary Chapel of Signal Hill , an area of Long Beach . Steve stayed very alert and Pastor James Kaddish spoke so urgently of the blessings of being a believer , and conversely , the dire condemnation of the unbeliever . I loved this statement he made : " The closest a Christian will ever get to hell is life on this earth . The closest an unbeliever will ever get to heaven is life on this earth . " Profound , isn 't it ? For me , the trials and travesties , disappointments and illnesses are serious , but overall , this earth reflects God 's handiwork , and there is much beauty and pleasure to be found in loving relationships , constructive work , fellowship at church , ministry , the Bible , creativity , and many more gifts to man from our Creator , who gives us richly all things to enjoy " ( I Timothy 6 : 17 ) . As we visited with Heidi and Pavel , a friend of Steve 's from Mens ' Study came over and invited him to the annual potluck Tuesday night . He hasn 't been able to attend because of his Alzheimer 's - - he needs a constant attendant to help him stay awake and doesn 't focus or comprehend what is being read or said . Nights get difficult . But a whole evening of food and fellowship will hit the spot and make him feel a part of things . So in case I have an appointment that evening , I called his friend Bob and he readily agreed to pick Steve up and keep him under wing for the evening . What a great Body we have at Calvary Chapel Moreno Valley ! Further along our way to the car , we talked a bit with a couple of young women , both of whom are making preparations to move to Foley , Alabama to help in children 's ministry there at our offspring Calvary Chapel . Not through yet with fellowship , I delivered a product to a customer who mans the bookstore between 2nd and 3rd service , and she just raved about the sample product she has been using . She also wants to book her very own Mary Kay party for December ( which we later discussed on the phone ) . Home for an afternoon of relaxation interspersed with booking calls , I noticed Steve 's spasms were returning quite vehemently . So we set off in the rain to our neighborhood CVS pharmacy for 14 pills of Clonezapam . The technician running the drive - through at that moment was - - voila - - a gal who had been talking to me about becoming a consultant , asking me about foundation types , and booking an appointment for December also ! ! Thank you , Lord , for Shaneca , and thank you , Lord , that with just one pill , my husband 's spasms subsided ! Capping off our happy Sunday was a 50th birthday party for our Home Fellowship leader , Pastor Brent Sharick , in whose honor we all came dressed in black ! 50 ? Huh ! A mere child to this 60 year old ! His two children were there , along with one of their spouses and a granddaughter . We had extended worship and then enjoyed the wonderful food and desserts various ladies brought to share , along with the lovely birthday cake . While he cannot participate in conversations , Steve is not shunted aside . Every one of the group , particularly the men , stopped by his seat to say hello and speak briefly to him . He is loved by one and all , just a regular member of the Home Fellowship . Another praise : I sold and signed a copy of my book , Galatians : An Exploration of Faith & Freedom , to a sister there who enjoys doing Bible studies on the train into LA . Another member of the group saw it and wants to buy one next week . Must be the week of the book , because a longtime Christian political friend saw a single last copy of Galatians at the Harvest Christian Fellowship Bookstore and is coming over Tuesday to buy a copy from me . left . Our evening wrapped up with a quick phone conversation with my Long Beach son Kriss 7 : 36 p . m . Today 's project was to realize what 's happening to people in our community . God has used the caregivers who serve Steve and me , taking care of every need and prepared for emergencies at our house to graphically show me . I mean heart knowledge , not just head knowledge . We have had middle - aged retirees who had taken up a second career , and people with long careers as certified nurse assistants , perhaps providing a second income for their family . But lately our caregivers are struggling young people , many with children of their own but living with their parents and grandparents still . Several have just arrived in Riverside , Rubidoux or Moreno Valley from less prosperous area of Southern California . Last night I returned from a small boutique with my packed - up Mary Kay display about an hour before the care giver 's assigned shift was to end . I hate to send them home early , because they count on the hours . Many of them , I discovered , would quietly say goodbye and wait out front for a ride home without saying anything . And I wouldn 't have even known that unless I 'd walked out front to take out garbage or get the mail , because they generally park in various spots on the street , not on the driveway . ( If I see them , they are invited to come back in if they choose to ) . But in attending to Steve , I might not get out front for hours ! So I offered her a free facial in the dining room . Steve was dozing off in between watchingscenes of " The 5th Quarter " on the Gospel Music Channel , so it was a go . My facial setup was all in one place ( the car ) so I put everything together speedily . I mentioned to this bright young lady , an age between Heather and Steven , how the business opportunity could replace one of her jobs that entails a long commute for minimum wage . As for the recession - proof nature of the cosmetics business , I remarked , " Even during the Great Depression , women bought lipstick ! " She took me by surprise by emphatically stating , " THIS is the Great Depression ! " She went on , " Everybody has to have two jobs , one just to put gas in your car ! We all have two jobs ! " And from what she describes of the second one , it 's not even a good job . At least anything in the medical / caregiving / hospice field has potential for growth . Most of our CNA caregivers are in nursing school . One has graduated and taken his boards . One has aspirations of being a doctor and has had her interview for her first hospital job . I believe this ambitious mother of young ones is in school now as well as working , or saving up to attend in the near future . Hard work , and diligent work , is the ethic I have observed from these young people . They come from loving families , but lack the advantages that my great - grandparents , grandparents , parents and now I have been able to give our children . But as Proverbs 18 : 16 says , " A man 's gift makes room for him and brings him before great men . " And willingness to work hard as you work your way up is a truly great gift ! One common denominator I 've noticed is the lack of cars , or reliable cars ; the same thing with cell phones . Yet our care givers manage to find rides to all of their jobs , and to get back home again somehow . ( I remember how bereft I felt when my Jeep was in the shop for body work for a week and a half earlier this year ) . For transportation to the nursing schools at Riverside Community College 's local campuses , they can take advantage of free City bus rides for students , a benefit for our three universities ' collegiates as well . The caregiver who helps Steve each morning needed a ride home , so we drove him out to the far end of Moreno Valley once I took a few moments at home after my drive in from Corona . He attempted to pay me , but the Lord told me not to accept it . I told him , " You 've done really well , so no . " He wouldn 't get out of the car without handing me some money , but I 'll find a way to get it back to him ! The last couple of years have had a brutal effect on all segments of society , with prices up ( $ 3 . 77 / gal . for gas , $ 2 . 89 for a simple loaf of bread ? ) and wages down ( or nonexistent ) . Our only hope is in the Lord at this point much more noticeably than ever , so witnessing to our caregivers is an imperative the Lord has given me . In Mark 16 : 15 the resurrected Jesus said , 8 : 52 p . m . Today 's project was to take Steve with me to the Caregivers ' Retreat sponsored by the Riverside County Office of Aging . They provided lunch for both caregivers and their loved ones , as well as the respite care so many family caregivers need . I had left my Mary Kay boutique display in the very capable hands of my team member Candace ; and Steve 's early lunch and nicer outfit under the supervision of our caregiver . So we were able to take off south shortly after I got home . The object of the afternoon was to help caregivers learn relaxation techniques that could mean the difference between illness and wellness for those facing this huge responsibility . 58 % of caregivers die before their Alzheimer 's victim does , a scary statistic , but utterly understandable with the chronic stress inherent in the role . Before any techniques were discussed or taught , we each put our name on a folded piece of paper for a drawing for a 20 minute massage . Two massage therapists demonstrated a simple method for helping relax your loved one . They then pulled out several names from their basket and assigned the 20 minute slots . I won one , yippee ! Then specific relaxation methods were taught , such as playing music that has a very specific meaning to you . I naturally thought of the praise song " Let Faith Arise " that was going through my head : " I lift my hands to believe again We were told that a few minutes of meditation or prayer have actually been shown to have as much physical benefit as taking an hour 's nap . The Psalms are full of examples of and exhortations to meditate on God , His word , His will , His works and His wisdom . Selah is an oft - repeated word , meaning , " Consider . " Psalm 32 : 7 says , Other techniques included painting with watercolors , stretching movement , aromatherapy and one I considered odd until I tried it , " group recreational drumming . " And wouldn 't you know it ? Just as the drumming session was about to start , it was my appointed time to have a massage , of which I am a huge fan . I get them whenever I have the finances available , and like to have a massage therapist at my Mary Kay spa parties . So I kicked off my shoes and lay on the table , closed my eyes and was still , hoping to ignore what I assumed would be a noisy racket . The two massage tables were at one side of the multipurpose room , so the larger group was getting their instructions as my precious 20 minutes began . And I have to admit that it wasn 't wild and loud , but carefully directed . The attendees used soft mallets and Remo practice pads . The teacher started them off with a basic two beat style that imitates the mother 's heart rhythm that a baby hears for 9 months , then on to a simple walking beat , then skipping . By the time I returned to my seat in a very relaxed state , individuals were offering their beats for us all to join in with . There is something satisfying about percussion instruments . I loved playing the piano for several months about ten years ago , and found even my elementary practice and gradual improvement very soothing and challenging at the same time . The reason I stopped was that cancer surgery and the removal of lymph nodes kept my right arm sore and swollen for a long time , so pounding of any kind was out of the question . It even hurt to play my violin ! I keep promising myself that I 'll get into it again , even re - start lessons . The Lord has healed my arm , and my arthritis has even subsided this year , so my excuses are beyond thin ! ! And I am encouraged by the mention of one percussion instrument , the cymbal , in 2 Chronicles 5 : 13 , used to celebrate the arrival of the Ark of the Covenant to Solomon 's temple . The watercolor painting was fun , very freestyle , done while listening to popular songs that mentioned the colors of the rainbow . I decided to leave before the aromatherapy , however , because I didn 't want to contract a splitting headache . Strong scents and I do not mix ! The instructor had shown us how to make a soft mallet from a sock and a dowel , so I got those two items from the back , said quiet goodbyes to our facilitators Mary and Darlene , and went to pick up Steve from down the hall . He was contentedly working on a puzzle with the group , and almost seemed reluctant to leave , praise the Lord ! ( He hadn 't gone into the room very happily hours before ) . 3 : 15 p . m . Today 's project was to earn the money for a full tank of gas ( or thereabouts ) and a holiday hairdresser visit . Since my gas tank was almost on empty this morning , and I had no appointments , it was time to get on the phone as soon as it was decent to do so . The Lord allowed me to wake up at 5 a . m . this morning , so I prayed and waited to fall asleep until my 6 a . m . cell alarm was set to go off , but it wasn 't happening . And worry was beginning to creep into the quiet time . Better to go downstairs , turn on the heater for Steve , start the coffee , empty the dishwasher and take my shower . Then I was able to start my devotions . I read the day 's devotional passage , posted my verse for today on Facebook , checked in on a sick friend , and then it was time to read my Bible portion and write in my Mary Kay and personal journals . I was so encouraged by King David 's victories , even crying out a fist - pumping " Yes ! " as he wiped out the giant Philistines in I Chronicles 20 . My reading prepared me for a day of effort , persistence , and success . Since Steve was home with me today after his morning care giver left , I needed to make sure he was situated , started on a task - - sweeping the back patio and cleaning the yard - - and start just a limited 3 hours to make calls . Sounds like a lot of time , but with interruptions for Steve 's personal needs and to direct him to his next task , I had to be very focused . My first call was to a lady who works at the Riverside County Office of Aging where I attended a caregivers ' support group yesterday . She had selected a specific lipstick color out of the catalog I left with her at the front desk . I had it in stock , so I made arrangements with her to deliver it pronto . Nice cash sale , and furthermore , she and I really hit it off and she 's looking forward to a facial next week . Steve and I promptly stopped at the gas station where I get 10 cents off per gallon with Ralphs rewards , so my $ 10 . 00 went much further ! And I 'd earned the remaining $ 9 . 00 needed for my hairdresser tomorrow . PTL ! I love this business , because I am responsible for earning what I need for each day . And I have discovered , as I told my retired business owner dad last week , that the harder and more consistently I work , the more ladies God puts in my path who want the products I offer ! ! Nothing new here for any sales professional , but when I see it happening for me , I 'm just amazed ! The customers were pre - ordained by God , but if I don 't start conversations wherever I go , or if I don 't call my contacts and leads , I 'll never know who they are . And if I don 't offer excellent service , I won 't get second appointments that will bless those women who may even want to start their own businesses . Life 's funny that way , and very exhilarating ! Proverbs has several verses about good business practices , so I 'll quote a few favorites . Proverbs 10 : 4 : He who has a slack hand becomes poor , but the hand of the diligent makes rich . Connecting with customers I know and have spent time with is one thing ; cold calling leads from boutiques and community events is far more daunting ! One has only a few seconds to make a friendly , honest impression . So it helps if you are friendly and honest , of course ! On my calls from evnts where ladies signed up to book free facials , I am just myself , a person with the joy of the Lord and trust in Him . I end up leaving a lot of messages , naturally , and people generally don 't call back . So I note the date and time and move to the next one . ( I 'll call again at a different time of day ) . It 's exciting to actually talk to a person , after leaving lots of voicemail , and generally they 'll set an appointment with me . If not , it 's either a bad time of they aren 't interested . That 's okay - - I 'm not interested in everything I 'm offered either . And I know that I 'll gain more leads at two upcoming boutiques I 've been invited to participate in . At tomorrow 's boutique where several ladies from church will be attending , my consultant Candy is going to fill in for me while Steve and I go to a Care Givers ' retreat in Sun City , to enjoy programs that will be held for both of us . So I will give any leads she gets by giving mini - facials and selling products to her to contact . My prayer is that she will get plenty of business from those contacts ! Her success is a priority for me , too . On December 9 , I 'll take party in a Christmas boutique in Mission Viejo , a very upscale event . How did I get invited ? Apparently , the the Lord gave me great favor with the cousin of the hostess from the day we spent together at the Hootieville boutique a week ago last Saturday . The Lord didn 't need me to make a good impression , but setting up a beautiful display table , posting special prices , and smilingly giving scores of mini - facials on the shoppers ' hands were my part to do - - my due diligence as a professional Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant ( Star Team Builder , soon to be a Team Leader ) . I did book appointments today , even with a lady I 'd never met , and made plans to see customers I already have . At bedtime , when I write my praises to the Lord Jesus for all of the things He has accomplished and the obstacles He has removed in my behalf , I like to close my eyes , thank Him once again , and just say to myself , " I worked hard today ! " Just as He challenges His people to do ! 7 : 24 p . m . Today 's project was to stay home as I do on Wednesdays , to pore through journal entries from the past several years in preparation for writing a book about our Steve 's and my experience with Alzheimer 's . Today was going to be different , however , because the Caregivers ' class that was responsible for a sea - change in my care for Steve was holding our monthly meeting . And since God ordained the help for me and the witnessing opportunity with group members , I decided to attend , taking about 2 hours out of the middle of the day . This morning , our early morning caregiver helped me get Steve going and to board the bus for Care Connexxus adult daycare . The Bright Star agency employee who does the weekly cleaning arrived and got her directions , enabling me to start my note - taking . ( I 'd also made arrangements with pharmacies for lowering Steve 's drug costs , and needed to stop at Rite - Aid on my way back - - or forth ) . At the support group , we shared a potluck meal , learned techniques for providing a calming atmosphere for our loved one , and then shared our lives . I never realize how Steve 's affliction is affecting me until I am asked directly about our life at this point . These fellow care giving gals are incredibly empathetic , because some are at the same stage with their parent or husband . I didn 't get teary until I recounted what Steve weepingly said to our pastor last week : " Everyone else is working . " We all agreed that work is a man 's main life identity , especially men like Steve who had such a long and brilliant career . So when we go out and about in public , he naturally sees everyone else moving about with purpose , driving , hurrying to the next obligation . He told me " I feel like a plant , " even though he has tasks and activities daily . But I know what he means : that to him , he isn 't serving any purpose , and has to be led around by others . Yet he has a strong testimony and his life is accomplishing much for others , as I told him this morning ! ( See " The Witness of Steve 's Life ' " yesterday 's post ) . The others suggested asking his doctor about help for depression , because it now seems that Steve realizes that he 's never going back to work , and feels that nothing will get better for him in this life . He had his frustrations before , but did his best to make the most of his days , joking and smiling along with others even if he couldn 't follow the conversation . So I will have a conversation about that with his doctor , because no one should live hopelessly , especially a believer in Jesus Christ . Romans 8 : 31 says , If God is for us , who can be against us ? But for a person whose mind is not functioning correctly , it 's a world of " can 't anymore " : can 't walk steadily , talk normally , use a phone , write , type , drive , go about independently , earn a living , care for personal needs . I do not presume to comprehend what that feels like , and neither can you , probably . It must be sheer torment . . . But God is so actively " for us " in Steve 's and my lives ! Weekly , more and more friends are coming over and getting involved , from surprise meals , taking Steve for a guys ' night out , landscaping and plumbing help , to walking and bathing the dog and beginning the garden prep that was just about to go by the wayside . It 's as if the Body of Christ has been waiting with bated breath for us to need their help , just as I did for years , waiting for calls from church to see who might need a meal or a visit . Members of Christ 's body eagerly serve one another in as many ways as God gives them talents . And when the servant of the man of God arose early and went out , there was an army , surrounding the city with horses and chariots . And his servant said to him , " Alas , my master ! What shall we do ? " So he answered , " Do not fear , for those who are with us are more than those who are with them . " And Elisha prayed , and said , " LORD , I pray , open his eyes that he may see . " Then the LORD opened the eyes of the young man , and he saw . And behold , the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha . Steve and I have a strong enemy that is afflicting his mind and body , the disease of Alzheimer 's . But God is sending a Spirit - filled army of believers to aid us in this difficult walk . On a larger scale , all Christians have one enemy , the enemy of our souls , the devil . His goal is to destroy our physical lives that we might forsake our allegiance to our King , Jesus Christ . In a more universal version of the Elisha 's chariots of fire , I John 4 : 4 gives all born again believers this assurance : 8 : 30 p . m . Today 's project was to lead my group of ladies at Bible study . This was the last session of Anne Graham Lotz ' Magnificent Obsession , so I prayed for alertness after less sleep than I could have used . The ladies deserve a focused leader to facilitate discussion . The Holy Spirit came upon us for powerful discussion ! I 've been getting up early the last week , in order to be prepared for the care giver 's arrival to help Steve get started with his day . The Lord gave me some discoveries along the way , like turning up the heat before Steve awakes ; and that I may not always be the best - equipped person to help my disabled husband when he is staggering off balance . Our caregiver provides extra security for both of us ! The Lord had a gift for our caregiver , too . He and his family went to a non - denominational Christian church on Sunday , and he just could not stop talking about the way everyone brought their Bible , how he could follow what the pastor was saying so much better than in the church he 'd been taken to as a child , where huge Bibles are just laid on an altar in the front ! He was also amazed by the congregation 's singing , actually enjoying praising God . He hadn 't brought a Bible , and didn 't know the words to the songs , but I assured him that the lyrics are generally easy to catch onto . He said the people were so friendly , and they all treated each other like they 'd been together their whole lives . He can 't wait to go back ! ! That church sounds like the church described in Ephesians 4 : 18b - 19 : Thank you , God , for using Steve 's situation , and the tough tasks we have to perform at this juncture , to start conversations about hope in the Lord and the Word , that we have been able to be witnesses for You ! Last night on our Legacy Unit conference call , our Sales Director Laurie launched a new program goal for us : to provide 80 Mint Bliss foot creams for the daycare participants at Riverside 's Care Connexxus where Steve goes once a week , and 70 more for the Alzheimer 's residents at Somerford in Redlands . She asked me to describe for the other consultants the center where Steve goes , and their annual Christmas party . As we sell the foot creams to customers , their payment will buy that product for an elderly or disabled person . Our effort is called " Adopt a Grandparent 2011 . " How gracious of the Lord to use what we call tragic to bring joy to others ! We may never know how our testimony for the Lord Jesus will reverberate through the centuries and across the globe . Psalm 4 : 6 - 7a says , 3 : 06 p . m . Today 's project was to get a haircut for Steve , buy the biggest turkey for the least price per pound , and figure out what to do about his prescriptions , now that we 've found ourselves in the dreaded Medicare Part D " doughnut hole . " That situation has been hanging over my head for a few weeks now , and I 've even been praying about following the neurosurgeon 's advice to just take him off of the most expensive one , Aricept . That 's a scary thought - - just like shelling out $ 225 is - - but then , life has lots to be scared of , unless we take our problems to the throne of grace ! Hebrews 4 : 16 , a treasured verse to me , says , that since Jesus , our sinless High Priest , is now interceding for us to the Father in heaven : We started out at Ralphs grocery store , heading back to the frozen turkey section , with me holding Steve 's hand for pacing . There was a 21 . 90 pound turkey for 47 cents a pound , if you bought $ 25 worth of groceries too . Since our pantry was somewhat bare , that was certainly no problem ! Then I had coupons to make the purchases even cheaper . So thank you , Lord ! In past years with every one of the kids and significant others , plus my sister and her kids here , nothing less than 26 lbs would do . But this year , we can go down a bit in turkey weight , now that both of the girls are married and need to share the day with their in - laws , perfectly correct . We 'll see them all for dessert and games later ! Fresh from that wonderful victory , we returned to the same shopping center after putting away the turkey and other items , to sign in at Fantastic Sam 's salon . The wait was short , and we both went over to the chairs . When the stylist asked Steve how he 'd like his hair , he just shrugged . So I described the basically same haircut , only short . He definitely had trouble getting in and out of the chair , and was confused about getting his hair washed , but I gently guided him over to the bowls . The girl asked , " Is this your brother ? " I was chuckling inside as I told her he 's my husband . We 've been described in many ways as a couple over the last 30 years , but never yet been told we look alike ! I guess there 's a first time for everything . Haircut finished , we got gas and dropped off some disposable mascara wands at my team member Chelsey 's house , then home for yard cleaning and then lunch . Steve was shaky and almost stumbling this morning , like he 's been off and on for the last few months , whether on high doses of Aricept , or back on the original dose . Much as we want to think there 's a way to use medication for better results , this is a heavily degenerate incurable disease . All we can do , with the Lord 's guidance and wisdom , is attempt to ameliorate the symptoms . It 's so hard to see my husband 's hands shake and move in the opposite direction when he needs to grasp something or put on socks , or even eat . He struggled with vacuuming , and some yard clean - up ; but was good at holding coupons during my peripatetic trek through the supermarket , and emptied our kitchen compost container , and followed up with stirring the large bin with a hoe , to mix up the contents , with no trouble . We had some excellent good news from CVS pharmacy this afternoon regarding Steve 's Aricept . They put together a generic version , 90 days ' supply for $ 15 ! You can bet we raced over to pick them up , because Steve had just run out today ! He swallowed it on the way home . The Lord is Jehovah Jireh , " The God who provides ! " Yet , this afternoon , we had a strange incident . I started the Oreck for Steve and he vacuumed the downstairs with no problem , very thoroughly . But when I came around the corner from the kitchen to the living room , Steve was lying halfway on the tile and on the carpet ! There had been no sound of a fall , and with the noisiness of the tile , I would have heard it . He wasn 't asleep or unconscious , so he helped himself up using the banister . Apparently , he 'd been crouching down to wrap up the cord , leaned a bit too far and toppled over . But like other falls he 's had over the last two months , he wasn 't dizzy ! Between the loss of depth perception in the mid - to - late stage , and overall unsteadiness , it happened . What a good relief it was to see our caregiver at the door , after I spent time consoling Steve in his tears , praying and listening to praise music on our Directv Channel 826 , " The Spirit " . We were beginning to be uplifted once again . And Andrew 's arrival provided a change of pace and personality that can do any of us good ! 2 : 02 p . m . Today 's project was to go to church . I won 't list all of the difficult elements involved in getting Steve and me into the Jeep by 9 : 12 a . m . , but we made it ! We had hopes our invited guest , one of Steve 's caregivers , would attend 2nd service , so we took the time to pray for him , as well as for our pastor who is on a ministry trip to South America . I love the saying we use in our Mary Kay sales unit , " Today , Not Tomorrow , " or TNT . That applies to prayer , I think , more than any other action a Christian can take . As I snatched a few moments to read My Utmost for His Highest , I kept reflecting on today 's date , November 13th . What on earth was happening today ? Do you ever get like that , just sure that there 's a happening coming on a certain date , but having no idea what it is ? ! Maddening ! So I read the selection from my favorite devotional writer Oswald Chambers , beautifully stern as always about our Christian walk . Quite honestly , I stood convicted of unbelief on so many fronts , whether large , medium , small , or miniscule ! It is along this line that we see the rugged impatience of the Holy Ghost against unbelief . All our fears are wicked , and we fear because we will not nourish ourselves in our faith . How can anyone who is identified with Jesus Christ suffer from doubt or fear ! It ought to be an absolute paean of perfectly irrepressible , triumphant belief . Just a few minutes ago , I was panicked about finding a stamp to mail a check for DMV registration , praying we 'd have the funds in a few days , when in response to prayer , God showed me where a stamp was ! Better yet , when I checked the bank account , expectantly dreading a bad answer from the computer voice , there was more than enough to cover that and other major needs . I was definitely the ye in " O ye of little faith " ( Luke 12 : 28 ) ! Back to the date , November 13 , it finally dawned on me that K . P . Yohannon , president and founder of Gospel for Asia , would be speaking at our church today . The ministry had already given us all free copies of No Longer a Slumdog to read before his visit . I read it with agony for the children in the slums of India , especially , doomed by the caste system to live , play and die in the sewers , whose bodies are scooped up each morning by workers in large cities like Bombay . Their life expectancy is so short , if it were not for the intervention of Jesus Christ , who loves them as much as He loves our beloved and cared - for children . Gospel for Asia has sent out 15 , 000 missionaries and workers into 13 Asian countries , starting schools and leading these lost children , many parentless , to Jesus Christ . Brother Yohannon 's scripture was Jesus ' warning in Matthew 18 : 10 : K . P . Yohannon said , " That means that these children 's angels give a report to God the Father regarding these little ones . " Our challenge was to pray for the children , their parents , and the churches that are springing up in multitudes of villages with native teachers and pastors ; furthermore , we should each consider sponsoring a child for $ 28 a month , even as many children as the natural ones we 've brought into the world . With five kids and two grandsons , soon to be three , to my credit . . . you 're talking real money now ! What kind of faith will I exercise in a child 's behalf , that they might come to know Jesus , be fed , clothed , and educated ? Our own personal trial at home is devastating , but not so much financially , thanks to the Lord 's leading to make preparation a decade ago . When permanent disability strikes a family breadwinner , there is great loss , undeniably . But God has brought us through every step of the way ! I like what Oswald Chambers says today : How can we talk of making a sacrifice for the Son of God ! Our salvation is from hell and perdition , and then we talk about making a sacrifice ! 6 : 08 p . m . Today 's project was to join future director Cara , in hosting a Mary Kay skincare class at our training center in Redlands , slated for 9 a . m . I was delighted to be invited to add my guests . I quickly booked two guests , and hoped for a third who was stopping by to pick up a moisturizer she 'd purchased at a boutique last week . Cara had six girls from the University of Redlands . We both had met just one of today 's guests at a carnival , and they invited others . That 's one of the beautiful advantages of the Mary Kay business - - every woman has a face ! Twelve hours ago I wasn 't feeling very advantaged , because I had gotten up and started getting ready , and was starting my devotions when time came to wake Steve up . His helper was to arrive at 7 a . m . It was critical that Steve get his meds taken on time as usual . He woke up shaking horribly , and getting him to just sit up was strenuous . The other time he shook like that was last Saturday morning when I also had a major event coming up . I managed to help him into his sweatpants and slippers , helped him downstairs , and got him seated at the kitchen table . Just as I was turning up the heat from 70 to 72 degrees , the doorbell rang and the caregiver came in . I covered Steve with a heavy afghan in addition to his t - shirt and sweats , and then the two of us tried to get his shaking to stop long enough to take his medication . He finally managed it , and while the caregiver got his banana peeled , I brought his coffee . That helped with warming , and meanwhile , the heater had kicked on . Steve then moved over to his online devotional reading . I went back to my devotions after giving the caregiver his directions for the morning . Steve began to come around to normal , and by the time I went upstairs to get dressed and made up , he was eating his hot buttered rolls . Saturday mornings seem to be difficult for Steve the last two weeks , even scary . It 's certainly no fault of his - - even if I told him just before bedtime that I had an event in the morning , he would have no knowledge of it at all within 1 minute . It would be the same case if even if I had mentioned it this morning . Last week , the helper and I let Steve go to back to sleep on the couch , but today he preferred to stay up . Perhaps we need to have the heater come on a little earlier , but during the week he doesn 't shake in the mornings , and we get up even earlier . Quite a puzzlement ! Just now returned from a readjusting of the heater 's program - - we 'll see what happens , courtesy of Mrs . Non - handy ! Even if there 's a logical , practical or mechanical solution to Steve 's Saturday shakes , the enemy does use our miscalculations and lack of foresight to rattle belivers , to distract and discourage us from what we are called to do . The devil is a thief , ( John 10 : 10 ) not only of life and property , but of peace , purpose . confidence and initiative . Above all , he 's a liar ! Jesus said of the devil in in John 8 : 44 , So the lies , " You aren 't supposed to go out today - - look at Steve ! It 's raining , you can 't go anywhere today ! You 're low on gas and your tires aren 't too good , you need to stay home ! " were familiar ones , getting a bit rusty , actually , by now . On and on the negative , gloomy harassment went , until I kissed Steve goodbye ( now doing just fine ) and went on to my skincare class . Two cash sales quickly solved my gasoline problem and put money in the bank ; and I found a potential team member , too ! Meanwhile , Cara and I conducted the class with our beauty coats on , a first for me . I definitely enjoy the Christian fellowship and the ideas I glean from watching another consultant 's presentation . We had all the facial supplies we needed between the two of us . Since there 's no competition between Mary Kay consultants , we can have our founder 's " go - give " spirit in our businesses , helping others be successful ! So much for this morning 's cold start - - today 's good news keeps getting better , thank you Lord ! Two Facebook friends are expressing interest in joining my team , after seeing a picture I posted of the $ 75 starter kit contents . These are young moms who need extra income , as many do today . If the Lord can use me to lend a hand with training , sisterly fellowship , and encouragement , it will be a privilege . Steve and I continued on with a relaxed , cozy afternoon and evening , warmed by a crockpot full of creamy beef , cheddar , potato and chopped vegetable soup . He 's sleeping peacefully now , and we are looking forward to our day at church tomorrow . We are praying our caregiver will make it to 2nd service which we attend . In the Lord there is healing and hope ; the indwelling Spirit gives power to cope . Posted by Steve 's sibs ' surprised us with lunch from In - ' n - Out Burger , Steve 's favorite . Their hospitality even extended to bringing me a lettuce - wrapped burger , for my gluten - free lifestyle . After Sharon , the oldest of the remaining three Kruckenberg offspring , prayed , we dug in to a delicious feast , a real treat . Steve ate with only a couple of incidents , but his burger got put back together by his brother Larry 's widow Michaele , and warmed up , too , for this special occasion of food and fellowship . As Steve 's cousin Stephanie remarked , " We just don 't eat out . " I concurred . She continued , " There are too many other more urgent things to do with our money ! " And as Jesus described in Luke 12 : 42 , we need to be good stewards of our household income . As servants of our Master Jesus , we can identify with His challenge ! And the Lord said , " Who then is that faithful and wise steward , whom his master will make ruler over his household , to give them their portion of food in due season ? Blessed is that servant whom his master will find so doing when he comes . " We covered several topics , and had lots of laughs , but when Steve sister Linda 's husband Mike took a nodding Steve out for a short walk , I brought up one particular use for money , prescriptions ! I laid on the table the online coupons I printed for 16 % off of Aricept , and " up to " 75 % off of Namenda . We have descended into Medicare 's " Doughnut Hole , " a place of darkness where Medicare Part D won 't cover our prescriptions again until January of 2012 . I 'm looking for ways to save on buying Steve 's most expensive brand name drugs . Aricept is $ 225 / 30 , and Namenda is $ 89 / 30 market price ! They used to cost $ 29 , making them substantially more costly than his other drugs , which have a $ 5 co - pay . Better hustle up and sell more Mary Kay ! ! ( Or , along with building my business , keep searching out patient prescription assistance programs ) . Right now , as my husband 's neurosurgeon sees it from the images of his brain , Aricept isn 't having any effect on him at mid - to - late stage Alzheimer 's . I can anecdotally state that the disease process , as judged by his coping and basic functioning skills , is precipitously going downhill . Namenda , however , does seem to improve his sharpness and alertness . Steve has no memory of any event , whether it 's on days we 've accidentally skipped an Aricept pill , he 's taken the max level of 23 milligrams or whether he 's taken 10 milligrams . Whether to keep giving him this drug is a matter of prayer and God 's leading - - " Where he guides , He provides , " Pastor Chuck Smith always says . Everyone had a medical incident to report , a dog story , and endless chuckles about our kids and grand kids . We are almost all grandparents now . The family is looking forward to our nephew 's wedding next summer , and our Kriss ' son Clark Alexander birth next March . In between , there will come a prayerful and delicious Thanksgiving , for which I 'm hoping youngest son Steven will be here from Fresno ; festive and faith - filled , but frugal , Christmas , and a fresh new year . My dad isn 't getting any younger , and my husband isn 't getting any healthier . We have much to celebrate together , and precious little time to do it in . Our time here on earth is so short , and that time is the Lord 's to parcel out . We all hope to live long lives with full abilities to the end , and some of us will . As for other people like my Steve , their decline will be devastating to them and to their families in every way . Knowing this , I 'll close with Psalm 31 : 14 - 15a :
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6 : 15 p . m . Today 's project was to prepare a home style dinner for our oldest son Sean . I call it " home style " because it 's pretty much what I made the kids and Steve for dinner at least twice a month - - spaghetti and meatballs . In lean times there would be a bit of crumbled sausage or a couple of slices of pepperoni , or no meat at all . The key is to saute the fresh veggies , pressed garlic and meat in virgin olive oil , add plenty of herbs and seasonings , and a good tot of dark red Burgundy to a large pot of sauce . The tomato portion was 1 small can Contadina tomato paste , 1 16 oz can tomato halves , and two large cans Del Monte tomato sauce . I just love the different textures of paste , large chunks of tomato , and smooth sauce ! I could eat a whole can of tomato paste , so sweet and delicious . My pasta had to be Buitoni or Creamettes . The sauce cooked for the better part of two days . If I felt particularly into it , I 'd finish it off in the oven for an additional few hours . All this before the Food Network ! The Joy of Cooking was and is my encyclopedia . I had lessons from an excellent Italian home cook , and worked at a huge Italian restaurant , La Barbera 's in Santa Monica , when I was in college . The flavors just became ingrained in me . It struck me as so funny when one of my sons told me that he never really liked spaghetti , so I replied " that 's what families of 7 eat ! ! " But no one ever turned down my garlic bread that went with it ! ( Like getting the kids to eat a hearty soup by making it the price of admission to get the cornbread , rolls , or biscuits ) ! The births of each of my children had different and dramatic effects on my life , but birthing my firstborn was a game - changer . Up to that point , I 'd lived a pretty indulged life : raised in beautiful Redlands ; three years in a sorority at UCLA , as well as being a member of honor societies and clubs ; worked various part - time jobs for extra spending money ; and then about 3 years before Sean was born , moved to Colorado for the country hippie lifestyle . Married by now , I became a new mom at 24 . This was 1975 . No sonograms were given unless the doctor suspected a problem ; and I don 't know whether ultrasounds had even been invented . Of course , home births and midwives were all the rage in our cabin and tee pee crowd , but were very much frowned upon by the establishment . ( I opted for regular doctor visits and natural childbirth in the noisy , bare bones , green - everywhere Delta County hospital . Let 's not get too crazy ) ! I did make it all the way to the end , when I finally accepted a Demerol shot . With your first labor , you don 't know how bad it may get before it 's over ! No painkillers with any of the others , though . Why chance endangering the baby ? One thing I learned that followed me with every subsequent birth , was that I was Rh negative , so I had to get a nasty rhogam shot after Sean was born , for protection , they said , for the next pregnancy . Is that theory still in practice today ? At 60 , I 'm out of the loop ! Now I was responsible for another person , physically responsible , not just at a job , or tutoring struggling peers . But the magical , God - thing about carrying a baby for 9 months is that you love that little one already before you ever see them ! You have nurtured their every moment with your own food consumption , and cleaned up all of your bad habits so he will be healthy . And when you feed your firstborn from your own breast - - it 's hard to believe it 's happening . The bond is so intense , unlike anything else on this earth ! It 's a bond God created and recognizes as totally unique . The Lord shows how infinitely He remembers , knows and loves His children by comparing His love to a mother 's love . That is a signal honor , in my eyes ! In response to Zion 's claim that God has forsaken and forgotten them , He answers in Isaiah 49 : 15 - 16a , " Can a woman forget her nursing child , and not have compassion on the son of her womb ? Surely they may forget , yet I will not forget you . See , I have engraved you on the palms of My hands . " From Sean 's tiny blood - tipped ear I spotted when I first held him , to his ever - growing walk with the Lord throughout childhood , the teen years , as a young adult and now as a father himself , I know God has a special work for him to do in His name ! And that work is already conceived , planned out and prepared and at work even now . For me , the ultimate lesson , the reward of a prayerful mother 's journey is found , for each child , in I Corinthians 2 : 9 : 10 : 28 p . m . Today 's project was to prepare a devotional for the Heart to Home " Origami Ornament " class tonight at Calvary Moreno Valley . The Lord has placed on my heart that before each class , we need to have a word from scripture , because this is a ministry of the church . While the classes are open to all women , the focus must remain on the Lord . Saints and seekers welcome ! Normally , I will scroll through recent blogposts for appropriate messages , because they are just the right length for a 2 minute devotional . At times , I 've written my post with that evening 's class in mind . After a few forays into the Internet this morning , I realized that the At & T network was dead ; thus , no visiting the blog . Time to do it the old fashioned way - - type it up fresh on Microsoft Word and print it ! ( Actually , that 's not even old fashioned ! For my verse - by - verse Bible studies each summer , I make my notes on a legal pad , and then teach from longhand writing in a wireless notebook ) . We had finished devotions and breakfast , and since I 'd scheduled Steve 's caregiver to stay most of the day so I could get more done , both for ministry and business , they went out to walk the dog . I wrote the title , " Where is your hope placed ? " quoting Psalm 39 : 7 : Human beings are certainly gifted to study , apply intellect and inventiveness to improve living conditions . And we all are commanded to help the poor in any way we can with the means God grants us . But we must remember , that our hope is in Christ , the Author and Finisher of our faith ! He may well reward the researchers ' efforts with a cure for Alzheimer 's for the next generation . Our family , however , is not waiting until that point to love and obey Christ , and serve Him by ministering to others . We are doing what God designed us to do : living ! 9 : 44 p . m . Today 's project was to travel to Irvine in Orange County with my friend Gretchen Willia s . Since she is a year - round volunteer with Operation Christmas Child , she was able to secure a date for us to participate in sorting and packing shoe boxes for impoverished children around the wor d . The shoe boxes contain toys , candy , clothing , shoes , games , scripture materials , Bible stories , small books , puzzles , school supplies , anything you can imagine coming from a loving family here Stateside , to the child God has already selected to receive the b x . Many boxes contain pictures of the sending family and darling , Christ - filled letters from one or more of their ki s . Today 's boxes are headed for Indones I remember when Operation Christmas Child began . Franklin Graham ( son of evangelist Billy Graham ) , president of Samaritan 's Purse , an international helps ministry , came to Harvest Christian Fellowship in Riverside to dedicate the hundreds of piled - up , colorful boxes on the stage of the huge sanctuary . At least one of our now - grown and mostly - married children wasn 't even born yet . But as soon as they were able to make their own selections as preschoolers on our annual trip to the nearby Kmart , they wanted to pack their own boxes . My parents always filled up a box or two , and my dad still makes up a box some years , or just comes to our house with the small shipping donation and his selections for the age of child he wants to send to . As our children have grown up , they and their significant others packed boxes too . Despite all of the special food , gifts , ministry , business and public Christmas celebrations we take for granted here even in difficult times , we don 't forget children in war - torn countries whose only gift ever will be their shoebox . And these children have seen their share of the evil of this world ! When the two of us arrived , we stopped to unload some packed boxes from the Moreno Valley Chik - Fil - A , a Christian fast - food restaurant that has come alongside OCC nationwide . Then we checked in at the front desk and watched an instruction video on the sorting and packing process . we both determined to be inspectors , if the Lord would have it that so , because neither of us can lift much or do well at the twisting and pulling inherent with taking the strong packing tape and winding it around the filled boxes . and then packing 14 to 16 packed boxes into a huge one would just be too much lifting and stooping . As for God 's decision on our jobs , Psalm 103 : 14 says , " He knows our frame ; He knows that we are dust . " Just substitute Dana and Gretchen in that verse , and you 'll know why God mercifully gave us both inspector jobs ! I just loved checking the boxes ' contents , dropping into the " inappropriate " pail chocolate candy that would melt , lotions , gels and any other liquids that could come open and ruin several boxes . We all regretted the necessity of removing bottles of bubble soap , because kids all around the world love blowing bubbles . But OCC 's discards will be donated to local needy families . There is to be no waste in God 's economy ! Every hour a pastor or ministry director would stop all activity in the huge warehouse to call us all to prayer . We were working this Boxing Day ( unlike our English friends ' holiday ) , and working hard for six hours , but it was an honor to play a tiny role in this undertaking , and time just flew by . Corporate prayer at our work stations put everything we did in perspective : Operation Christmas Child is truly GOD ' S work ! We were challenged to tell someone about Jesus today . I love to mention the Lord to people I meet , and testify of Him when I spend enough time for a conversation . Why would I keep the Secret to a victorious , overcoming life of peace from someone who needs to know Him so badly ? ( And that 's every unsaved person ) ! I did manage to thank the Lord for untangling some confusion as to my pump number at our gas station stop when talking to the clerk , and she got a big smile on her face . But since I now pump the gasoline for the Jeep even if Steve 's there , I had to get back to my car . I also didn 't want Steve to have to sit out in the car very long - - it got very sunny today ! After lunch and changing clothes - - always an issue of great confusion now - - we drove off in the brilliant sunshine to the tree farm , 7 miles away . Because I was planning to give the checkout lady a hand cream sample and the flyer about our Mary Kay " Adopt a Grandparent " Christmas fundraiser , business mileage needed to be documented . I noticed a large sign reminding everyone to breathe the trees in as we walk through the hilly pine " forests , " because trees do take in carbon dioxide and give off oxygen . Respiration , I believe ? Made me want to teach a classroom of children a bit of earth science like I used to ! Up on the top of the hill at the end of our climb to the " Reservation " area from the lower " Choose & Cut " section , we reveled in the cool breeze and the panoramic view of Mead Valley , Woodcrest and some of the Orangecrest area of Riverside . Then very slowly , with me helping Steve over the uneven ground on the road up and even more awkwardly , between the trees and over the watering tubes that didn 't always lie flat on the ground , we inspected the sizes and prices . Lowering the height of our next tree will lower our bill by $ 10 at least ! We 'll have Heidi and Pavel to help us next Sunday afternoon , so I decided we 'd just head for the choose and cut , get lots of opinions - - in other words , like in years past with all of the kids along - - and buy the chosen tree on the spot . The more opinions we get each year on our tree selection , the less complaints later about its shape and appearance ! Thank you , Lord , for our enjoyment and safety walking up - and downhill , and for a wise plan for our Christmas tree cutting ! Later , at Home Fellowship , we spoke about the qualifications of an elder in the church , ( Titus 2 : 1 - 2 ) . The Holy Spirit 's presence was evident " where two or three are gathered " ( Matthew 18 : 20 ) . Steve was alert and even trying to follow along ! We were reminded of the three stages of Christian life : Not one of these stages in a believer 's life can take place without the fresh breeze of the Holy Spirit ! He leads us to conviction and repentance to get saved ; guides us with wisdom through the ups and downs and uneven places in this life ; and He trains and prepares us for heaven . Steve and I enjoyed our hilltop experience today , but so much more awaits us as we look towards heaven ! The disciples saw Jesus go back up into heaven from Mount Olivet , Acts 1 : 9 - 11 : Now when He had spoken these things , while they watched , He was taken up , and a cloud received Him out of their sight . And while they looked steadfastly toward heaven as He went up , behold , two men stood by them in white apparel , who also said , " Men of Galilee , why you stand gazing up into heaven ? This same Jesus , who was taken from you into heaven , will so come in like manner as you saw Him go into heaven . " 4 : 01 p . m . Today 's project was to move from fall / Thanksgiving mode to Christmas season in my mind and in my home decorating . It might take my heart another day or so to catch up , since Thanksgiving seemed to come early this year . An outing to the Hillhaven Pines tree farm tomorrow after church ought to do the trick ! As I put away my pumpkins , wooden leaves , turkeys and fall door hangings , and found my Advent calendar on the top shelf of the " holiday linen closet , " I thought about our kids fighting over whose turn it was to open a door and reveal the tiny ornament behind it . Looking at our oldest Nativity set , I thought about my preschoolers snatching the Baby Jesus out of the manger to put in bed with them at night . Sweet , sweet memories ! I took out a few seasonal pillows , my hand - carved wooden Merry Christmas letters for the coffee table , and put a red rug and decorated wastebasket in the guest bathroom , stopping just shy of putting up the unbelievably bright shower curtain . It is a little early ! Steve spent the afternoon sweeping and raking leaves , after a few false starts , such as bringing the wrong dumpster for the job , then taking it back to get the green waste receptacle , and then returning with the one he started out with . It 's getting harder and harder to get him to listen and follow even the simplest directions . But after a few moments he got on track , raked , and put the leaves in the green waste dumpster . That enabled me to have some time to pull tote bins out of the hall closet and get started . A job he thoroughly enjoyed last year and took pride in now causes him to hang his head and look depressed . The strain on his mind is just so great , it seems , for him to do anything but sit down and eat his meals . Am I ready to give up all expectations that Steve can perform any helpful activities ? As it is , the morning caregiver is the one who actually walks our dog , and just allows Steve to hold the leash for a minute or two . I or his caregiver help him dress each day . ( Not easy for a smaller person to dress a much larger one ; could use prayer for my back ) . Steve now is utterly confused when scooping food out of the barrel for Jada , and then goes to the back patio door where she sits waiting at 5 p . m . , in full view because the blinds aren 't closed all the way , and sets it down on the floor in front of her without opening the slider . Good thing Jada is a patient soul ! She just looks to me to tell Steve to open the slider and feed her . Come to think of it , she 's been a lot more affectionate with me lately , seeking a pat on the head every time I go by her , whereas when Steve was actively engaging with her and Bailey , they barely acknowledged me - - they only looked to him . And now Jada looks to me , " As the eyes of a maid [ look ] to the hand of her mistress , " Psalm 123 : 2a puts it . Guess I am the pack leader at home now ! Tonight , I asked Steve to go to the garage and get the dog 's food , but when I looked around the corner , he was sitting on the stairs with his head in his hands . So , I asked him again , explaining that my reason was that it is good for us both to help out at home . I led him out to the garage , and pointed to the barrel on the opposite end . He walked over there , and I knew I had time to take a quick break , pardon me . Upon my return , I saw that he had taken the lid off the barrel , so far so good , but the upturned lid is where he 'd put the first scoop of dog food . I helped him get three scoops into the dish , walked him to the patio door , and directed him to open it and put the food down on the patio . Things are definitely different this year . Last year was difficult enough for me when I aroused Steve 's anger by asking for assistance with boxes in the downstairs hall closet . He apologized and we went on to decorate our Steve is quieter now , generally , but does get into fits occasionally , like today , tossing over the green dumpster when he couldn 't remember where it went . Praise the Lord that it just landed on the lawn instead of sailing over the front hedge and into the path of one of the hundreds of cars that stop at our corner ! Looks like I 'll need more assistance here at home , because no one person can handle erratic and unpredictable actions of their loved one . Steve could have run into the street , worst case scenario , even though I was standing right there . I pray the day won 't come when I 'll have to press my alert button , but I will certainly do it if necessary , and accede to whichever authorities arrive . I checked Steve 's remaining insurance benefits in a letter that came today , and it shows that I 've been very sparing in using our long term care policy , thinking I 'm being what the Bible calls a " wise steward " ( Luke 12 : 42 ) . I 've been trying to be careful with our funds , but that may actually be unwise in this case . While being careful is prudent , excessive caution is lack of trust in what God has so generously provided ! Philippians 4 : 6 ( KJV ) tells me and you not to be anxious : When Steve 's breakfast was finished , the caregiver took him and Jada for a walk . I made my elaborate soft - scrambled eggs with Velveeta cheese , salsa , spinach , ham , green peppers and onion from my garden , and 6 eggs . That 's how I 'm able to enjoy hot breakfasts for about four days , just cutting off and microwaving each day 's portion . Normally I use grated block cheese , like Jack or cheddar , but Velveeta was quick for today . So tasty , especially accompanied by this season 's Coffee Mate peppermint mocha creamer in my coffee , while listening to a top Mary Kay sales director 's motivational message on speakerphone . Proverbs , like chapter 10 : 4 , " The hand of the diligent maketh rich , " are always on my mind . They keep me motivated to continue learning and be challenged to grow my business ! But something was calling to me , hmmm , what could it be ? Oh yes , a couple of large servings of Pumpkin Crunch that are in a 9 x 13 " glass pan in the fridge ! I ate so many desserts yesterday - - Rice Krispy treats with cranberries and white chocolate , fab pumpkin dip with apple slices and whole wheat pretzels , apple pie , and organic pumpkin pie , cranberry sauce and candied yams with dinner - - that it was like " the hair of the dog " kind of thing at breakfast ! So I chunked off some good servings and just relieved the fun day yesterday , the family and fellowship , and of course , the food ! ! The kids came back from the movies ravenous again , and nearly picked my turkey clean , and then were about to eat all the desserts , but I sagely and silently put the Pumpkin Crunch away while I cleaned up the last touches in the kitchen . Then . . . I certainly could not indulge myself like this at any other time of the year , or I 'd gain some serious pounds . Probably would experience some headaches and digestive upsets , too . God has " given us richly all things to enjoy , " ( I Timothy 6 : 17 ) , but not all at once nor in excess quantities that might compromise our health . With that in mind , may you and yours enjoy a Pumpkin Crunch today , or next month , or next Thanksgiving ! ! Preheat oven to 350 degrees . Grease bottom of 13 x 9 x 2 " pan . Combine pumpkin , milk , eggs , sugar , pumpkin pie spice and salt in large bowl and pour into pan . Sprinkle dry cake mix evenly over pumpkin mixture . Top with pecans . Drizzle with melted butter . Bake 350 degrees 50 - 55 minutes or until golden . Cool completely on rack . Serve with whipped cream or ice cream if desired . Refrigerate leftovers . The morning started oddly , because my cell phone was on silent mode , so when it went off at 6 a . m . , I never heard it . But the Lord opened my eyes at 6 : 41 , because He knew I needed the rest . When I checked in on Steve , he was just awakening , so we got his supplements into him , and then he went back to bed while I showered and put on a t - shirt from a Wales mission trip and my Heather 's old dance practice sweat pants from King High School . The things I had feared - - not cooking the turkey long enough , dinner too late for my dad to return home in the daylight , Kathy not making it on time - - were totally allayed by the Lord . Not one part of our meal was out of place , and everyone arrived safely . We had a great dinner ! Later , Heidi and Pavel came over and shared in the plenteous desserts , along with Nick and Heather and his sister Amy . Then the kids all went to see the new " Muppet Movie " while Steve rested from the noise that had him burying his head in his hands , and I cleaned up , hand washing the crystal and china . This was our annual tradition with one exception : Steve is no longer able to help , but God has given me " power , love , and a sound mind " ( 2 Timothy 1 : 7 ) and plenty of energy at age 60 . We did have some different touches this year - - no gold plated tableware , because Steve and Heidi are the ones who always knew how to return the items to their correct slots , not to mention their help with the extra hand washing . Now he can 't do it , and she wasn 't home . With a small group , I had enough regular daily silverware to cover , thank you , Lord . I used an old , delicate tablecloth with the matching napkins , instead of the large ones that take a lot of folding . And I planned for Steve to sit between my dad and me for help as needed . The fact that God is with me in these small details of one annual holiday , as well as with the huge trials I experience , I realize that even with the tragedy of losing my husband to Alzheimer 's , I have much to be thankful for : healthy children and grandsons ; everyone employed ; a new grand baby on the way ; the ability to buy the drugs Steve 's needs for now ; a home to live in ; care for Steve when I can 't do it ; ministry ; and my business . Only the Lord could put all of these life - portions together , and only God can make my life work in ways that glorify Him ! 7 : 57 p . m . Today 's project was to spend time with both of my married daughters , Heidi Ilie and Heather Love . They both very smoothly managed to knock seven letters off their last name by marrying ! ! And as their mother , I 'll quote Proverbs 18 : 22 to my sons - in - law , that " he who finds a wife finds a good thing . " And my good girls became good women , before I knew it ! I cannot deny that this Thanksgiving will be difficult for me , now that my older daughter Heidi , my right - hand helper since girlhood , has married and moved about 20 minutes away to Redlands . She actuallly made a complete Thanksgiving dinner by herself with Mom standing by a few years back . When I cook , she could be counted on to help set the table , peel or mash potatoes and make at least one pie . Tomorrow , she and husband Pavel will be at his family 's big family get together - - like we usually have here . My Heather has been eating dinner with her in - laws early , and she and Nick pop over for dessert and nibbles of our dinner that we 're still enjoying . My dad is always present , and some years my sister 's family comes from San Diego . Happily , my son and his wife from Long Beach will be here , and our son from Fresno is on the way as I write this . His girlfriend is coming from Bakersfield for dinner . So what 's the problem ? The problem is fear ! The fear this year is having no help with lifting the stuffed turkey , and missing the general hands - on help that Steve always provided . The lawns would be immaculate , the high chandeliers sparkling . So I 've needed to make do . This week , I had the house cleaned , Nick hung a picture for me , Pavel put the extra leaf in the dining room table and helped Steve with the dog and other tasks while Heidi and I shopped for her apple pie . Adult daycare made it possible for me to complete several financial errands and do some business as well earlier in the day . Why do I feel a bit down ? We 've had years when only immediate family was at the table - - but that was eight people , with Daddy . And my mom was there every year before she passed in 2006 . It 's fear ! The fear for next year is that Steve may either be at home bedridden and basically absent from the family mentally , and I will be a virtual widow . I am already trying to get the girls to think of how to handle the holidays in 2012 . As I talked it over with Heather ( who kindly brought us Subway , keeping our Night - Before - Thanksgiving tradition ) , she is confident that the Lord will show us all what we need to do , now that everyone but Steven has in - laws whom they - - and we - - love very much . Speaking of our youngest , he has been home for an hour now , and just as lively , Spirit - filled and joyful as ever . Steve had already gone to bed , so Heather , Steven and I enjoyed a good conversation about health foods , Alzheimer supplements . Honestly , I have always been blessed by the health and vigor of these two youngest kids , the ones whose gestation was enhanced by Shaklee Vitalea , a pure food alfalfa multivitamin supplement that I took instead of prenatal vitamins . So when Steven showed me an alfalfa supplement from Lassens , the organic market he works for , I happily made plans to start taking it . And the Lord is so good - - I ran out of Vitalea just this week for lack of finances ! The energy and staying power I have been known for I can credit to God introducing me to organic gardening , these vitamins and consuming natural foods if at all possible . And how uplifting to share His gifts with my son who is in the health and fitness business . Ministry leadership issues and scripture were woven throughout Heather 's , Steven 's and my wide - ranging conversation as well . 3 : 55 p . m . Today 's project was to stay home for the day and work within the realization that we are two days away from Thanksgiving . For us cooks , bakers , hostesses and homemakers , our countdown has already begun ! Time to " get a grip ! " My normal day includes facial appointments and parties , but this week has been quite exceptional . My clientele , for the most part , are grocery shopping or preparing to shop at the last minute for the meal they 'll be cooking , or they are getting ready to travel to a family 's house for their Thanksgiving meal and getting a side dish or dessert planned . It 's not easy to book appointments when women are so distracted , even though I do have facials on my books for next week . Seemed like an ideal day to stay home and bake whole wheat - pecan dinner rolls , and freeze them for Thanksgiving . I did conduct some business , however , sending out a massive email for the Pink Friday sale I 'm having . I know that my customers will be shopping , so they might as well do some of their shopping with me ! This morning , I was particularly tired , especially with Steve getting up just as I was about to get in the shower , and needing some care before he returned to bed . So after I got Steve 's breakfast and online devotional ready , I told the caregiver that I 'd be lying down in the next room while he handled the morning routine . By the time I came downstairs at 8 : 15 , the guys were returning from a short walk with Jada , Steve was in good spirits , and he 'd even held Jada 's leash a few times . To think that Steve handled both strong - willed , vigorous labs singlehandedly on 2 . 5 miles of fast walking every day until a few months ago ! I just have to call upon the Lord for the " peace that passes understanding " ( Philippians 4 : 7 ) , whenever I 'm tempted to dwell too long on Steve 's former healthy condition . After my devotions were finished , we both began our tasks , edging the back patio for Steve , and roll making for me . I 'm always leery of expecting success on my first batch of Thanksgiving yeast rolls , because I 'm so out of practice that I end up having to make more than one . Last year I concocted 4 batches , if you can imagine . Even with help from one of my grandsons , only one batch turned out well enough to serve the large extended family group , and others were frozen for Steve , who loves any kind of bread . Now I can only imagine having enough time to bake without constantly checking on Steve 's safety and frame of mind . But the Lord was abundantly gracious to me today . In between breaks for snacks , lunch and changing of Steve 's tasks , I was able to do each step of my baking ! And in the middle of refining and adding to my customer email list , and the rolls going into the oven , we sat down together and watched a modern version of The Velveteen Rabbit until he fell asleep , which happens several times a day . So I slipped back over to the computer to complete my business . The rolls came out crunchy and tasty , so I cooled and froze them . Maybe tomorrow I 'll make another kind , or a quick bread , or just buy some Brown ' n Serve for those who want softer rolls . Our group will be small , since both daughters are having Thanksgiving with their in - laws , who are local and we love very much . They 'll come over for dessert and movies . Next year , I have a feeling I 'll be needing much more support to get through the holidays . This looks to be the last Thanksgiving Steve will be able to sit at a dinner table and handle his eating utensils . I think I 'll place him between youngest son Steven and myself for quiet assistance . Similar arrangements have been made for this evening , when Steve 's friend Bob will be picking him up for the Men 's Bible study potluck and keeping him under his wing for the evening . I cannot be everywhere , and that 's the way it should be . God wants to use and bless others in Steve 's life , and our church friends are more than eager to help . But even their help is God - ordained ! 2 : 11 p . m . Today 's project was to quickly get my major Thanksgiving dinner ingredients from Vons , before meeting with my team member Chelsey to find new leads for our Mary Kay businesses . It 's pretty daunting for even the most outgoing of people - - like me - - to walk up to strangers and engage them in a fun , positive conversation , in order to offer them a free facial and makeover . But whether we are chatting with women in a grocery store line and offering product samples or asking for help with an opinion survey or scavenger hunt , it 's a necessary part of any sales business to meet people . Eventually , business owners will have enlisted all of their family and friends , so a professional knows it 's time to branch out ! Think of the big , successful businesses you know . I 'll guarantee , as a former insurance agent who sold group and life policies to small corporations , that they had to knock on doors , sell items from their trucks or ideas from the living rooms of the friends they just met . But they persisted , and are reaping rewards today . Again and again , the Bible speaks of diligence in our work . " Well done , good and faithful servant ; you were faithful over a few things , I will make you ruler over many things . Enter into the joy of your lord . " Leadership isn 't just over other people at work . A mother is a leader to her children , a husband leads the entire household . And we need to take leadership and mastery over our selfishness , fear and resentment and self - pity through prayer and the help of God the Holy Spirit . Romans 8 : 26 - 27 tells us that the Holy Spirit prays for us when we don 't even know what the problem is or how to pray about it ! I heard a message this morning about leadership being a process . The speaker pictured three points of a triangle : your potential , your process , and eventually , your promise fulfilled . ( I would word it that the third step is the achievement of a big goal ) . Her example was Moses . His 3 stages each lasted 40 years : from the palace of Pharaoh , to his life in Midian , tending his father - in - law 's flocks ; to leading God 's people through many bitter trials to the Promised Land . She pointed out that for believers , each person 's plan and process is God - ordained and individually designed by Him ! It is so encouraging to realize how much God loves me , that He has no intention of taking me through the same trials as everyone else in a similar position . And what I may be experiencing as a hard trial now is not just for my benefit , but for the good of others I don 't even know are aware of me . So , while no one goes through trials perfectly without some whining and discouragement , we do want to make progress in our attitude and fortitude as we go through . Remember , Jesus is at the beginning , alongside as we progress , and ahead of us as we prayerfully come out of our trials as stronger , more beautifully seasoned believers than we entered in ! Job 23 : 10 says , So I had to face my fears and walk up to a couple of young gals at Starbucks as an example to my consultant ; there really was no getting out of it ! Not if I want to be a leader others will follow . Amazingly , they agred to having facials next Wednesday ! After we walked in separate directions , my consultant also picked up a couple of leads , so we agreed that she had gotten past " terrified " to " still terrified , but pleased with her results . " 9 : 40 p . m . Today 's project was to enjoy a nice long morning before leaving early for church . It 's amazing how calm and orderly our mornings are now with help for Steve arriving each day at 6 : 30 a . m . This was the first Sunday we 've had our caregiver come , so I got up an hour earlier than usual to make it to 2nd service , but I can get used to it ! While Steve ate the scrambled eggs I prepared for hi , the caregiver volunteered to take Jada for a walk , because it was too cold for Steve to go out , and there was a window of time he wasn 't needed . It was a little brisk , but Steve gets very chilled like my late mother would in her late 70 's after her stroke . I wonder if a brain malfunction makes bodily temperature regulation go awry ? Mommy would wear a windbreaker in August ! So I readily assented , and Jada was certainly glad for the exercise and attention ! Our guest speaker was just amazing , a young pastor from Calvary Chapel of Signal Hill , an area of Long Beach . Steve stayed very alert and Pastor James Kaddish spoke so urgently of the blessings of being a believer , and conversely , the dire condemnation of the unbeliever . I loved this statement he made : " The closest a Christian will ever get to hell is life on this earth . The closest an unbeliever will ever get to heaven is life on this earth . " Profound , isn 't it ? For me , the trials and travesties , disappointments and illnesses are serious , but overall , this earth reflects God 's handiwork , and there is much beauty and pleasure to be found in loving relationships , constructive work , fellowship at church , ministry , the Bible , creativity , and many more gifts to man from our Creator , who gives us richly all things to enjoy " ( I Timothy 6 : 17 ) . As we visited with Heidi and Pavel , a friend of Steve 's from Mens ' Study came over and invited him to the annual potluck Tuesday night . He hasn 't been able to attend because of his Alzheimer 's - - he needs a constant attendant to help him stay awake and doesn 't focus or comprehend what is being read or said . Nights get difficult . But a whole evening of food and fellowship will hit the spot and make him feel a part of things . So in case I have an appointment that evening , I called his friend Bob and he readily agreed to pick Steve up and keep him under wing for the evening . What a great Body we have at Calvary Chapel Moreno Valley ! Further along our way to the car , we talked a bit with a couple of young women , both of whom are making preparations to move to Foley , Alabama to help in children 's ministry there at our offspring Calvary Chapel . Not through yet with fellowship , I delivered a product to a customer who mans the bookstore between 2nd and 3rd service , and she just raved about the sample product she has been using . She also wants to book her very own Mary Kay party for December ( which we later discussed on the phone ) . Home for an afternoon of relaxation interspersed with booking calls , I noticed Steve 's spasms were returning quite vehemently . So we set off in the rain to our neighborhood CVS pharmacy for 14 pills of Clonezapam . The technician running the drive - through at that moment was - - voila - - a gal who had been talking to me about becoming a consultant , asking me about foundation types , and booking an appointment for December also ! ! Thank you , Lord , for Shaneca , and thank you , Lord , that with just one pill , my husband 's spasms subsided ! Capping off our happy Sunday was a 50th birthday party for our Home Fellowship leader , Pastor Brent Sharick , in whose honor we all came dressed in black ! 50 ? Huh ! A mere child to this 60 year old ! His two children were there , along with one of their spouses and a granddaughter . We had extended worship and then enjoyed the wonderful food and desserts various ladies brought to share , along with the lovely birthday cake . While he cannot participate in conversations , Steve is not shunted aside . Every one of the group , particularly the men , stopped by his seat to say hello and speak briefly to him . He is loved by one and all , just a regular member of the Home Fellowship . Another praise : I sold and signed a copy of my book , Galatians : An Exploration of Faith & Freedom , to a sister there who enjoys doing Bible studies on the train into LA . Another member of the group saw it and wants to buy one next week . Must be the week of the book , because a longtime Christian political friend saw a single last copy of Galatians at the Harvest Christian Fellowship Bookstore and is coming over Tuesday to buy a copy from me . left . Our evening wrapped up with a quick phone conversation with my Long Beach son Kriss 7 : 36 p . m . Today 's project was to realize what 's happening to people in our community . God has used the caregivers who serve Steve and me , taking care of every need and prepared for emergencies at our house to graphically show me . I mean heart knowledge , not just head knowledge . We have had middle - aged retirees who had taken up a second career , and people with long careers as certified nurse assistants , perhaps providing a second income for their family . But lately our caregivers are struggling young people , many with children of their own but living with their parents and grandparents still . Several have just arrived in Riverside , Rubidoux or Moreno Valley from less prosperous area of Southern California . Last night I returned from a small boutique with my packed - up Mary Kay display about an hour before the care giver 's assigned shift was to end . I hate to send them home early , because they count on the hours . Many of them , I discovered , would quietly say goodbye and wait out front for a ride home without saying anything . And I wouldn 't have even known that unless I 'd walked out front to take out garbage or get the mail , because they generally park in various spots on the street , not on the driveway . ( If I see them , they are invited to come back in if they choose to ) . But in attending to Steve , I might not get out front for hours ! So I offered her a free facial in the dining room . Steve was dozing off in between watchingscenes of " The 5th Quarter " on the Gospel Music Channel , so it was a go . My facial setup was all in one place ( the car ) so I put everything together speedily . I mentioned to this bright young lady , an age between Heather and Steven , how the business opportunity could replace one of her jobs that entails a long commute for minimum wage . As for the recession - proof nature of the cosmetics business , I remarked , " Even during the Great Depression , women bought lipstick ! " She took me by surprise by emphatically stating , " THIS is the Great Depression ! " She went on , " Everybody has to have two jobs , one just to put gas in your car ! We all have two jobs ! " And from what she describes of the second one , it 's not even a good job . At least anything in the medical / caregiving / hospice field has potential for growth . Most of our CNA caregivers are in nursing school . One has graduated and taken his boards . One has aspirations of being a doctor and has had her interview for her first hospital job . I believe this ambitious mother of young ones is in school now as well as working , or saving up to attend in the near future . Hard work , and diligent work , is the ethic I have observed from these young people . They come from loving families , but lack the advantages that my great - grandparents , grandparents , parents and now I have been able to give our children . But as Proverbs 18 : 16 says , " A man 's gift makes room for him and brings him before great men . " And willingness to work hard as you work your way up is a truly great gift ! One common denominator I 've noticed is the lack of cars , or reliable cars ; the same thing with cell phones . Yet our care givers manage to find rides to all of their jobs , and to get back home again somehow . ( I remember how bereft I felt when my Jeep was in the shop for body work for a week and a half earlier this year ) . For transportation to the nursing schools at Riverside Community College 's local campuses , they can take advantage of free City bus rides for students , a benefit for our three universities ' collegiates as well . The caregiver who helps Steve each morning needed a ride home , so we drove him out to the far end of Moreno Valley once I took a few moments at home after my drive in from Corona . He attempted to pay me , but the Lord told me not to accept it . I told him , " You 've done really well , so no . " He wouldn 't get out of the car without handing me some money , but I 'll find a way to get it back to him ! The last couple of years have had a brutal effect on all segments of society , with prices up ( $ 3 . 77 / gal . for gas , $ 2 . 89 for a simple loaf of bread ? ) and wages down ( or nonexistent ) . Our only hope is in the Lord at this point much more noticeably than ever , so witnessing to our caregivers is an imperative the Lord has given me . In Mark 16 : 15 the resurrected Jesus said , 8 : 52 p . m . Today 's project was to take Steve with me to the Caregivers ' Retreat sponsored by the Riverside County Office of Aging . They provided lunch for both caregivers and their loved ones , as well as the respite care so many family caregivers need . I had left my Mary Kay boutique display in the very capable hands of my team member Candace ; and Steve 's early lunch and nicer outfit under the supervision of our caregiver . So we were able to take off south shortly after I got home . The object of the afternoon was to help caregivers learn relaxation techniques that could mean the difference between illness and wellness for those facing this huge responsibility . 58 % of caregivers die before their Alzheimer 's victim does , a scary statistic , but utterly understandable with the chronic stress inherent in the role . Before any techniques were discussed or taught , we each put our name on a folded piece of paper for a drawing for a 20 minute massage . Two massage therapists demonstrated a simple method for helping relax your loved one . They then pulled out several names from their basket and assigned the 20 minute slots . I won one , yippee ! Then specific relaxation methods were taught , such as playing music that has a very specific meaning to you . I naturally thought of the praise song " Let Faith Arise " that was going through my head : " I lift my hands to believe again We were told that a few minutes of meditation or prayer have actually been shown to have as much physical benefit as taking an hour 's nap . The Psalms are full of examples of and exhortations to meditate on God , His word , His will , His works and His wisdom . Selah is an oft - repeated word , meaning , " Consider . " Psalm 32 : 7 says , Other techniques included painting with watercolors , stretching movement , aromatherapy and one I considered odd until I tried it , " group recreational drumming . " And wouldn 't you know it ? Just as the drumming session was about to start , it was my appointed time to have a massage , of which I am a huge fan . I get them whenever I have the finances available , and like to have a massage therapist at my Mary Kay spa parties . So I kicked off my shoes and lay on the table , closed my eyes and was still , hoping to ignore what I assumed would be a noisy racket . The two massage tables were at one side of the multipurpose room , so the larger group was getting their instructions as my precious 20 minutes began . And I have to admit that it wasn 't wild and loud , but carefully directed . The attendees used soft mallets and Remo practice pads . The teacher started them off with a basic two beat style that imitates the mother 's heart rhythm that a baby hears for 9 months , then on to a simple walking beat , then skipping . By the time I returned to my seat in a very relaxed state , individuals were offering their beats for us all to join in with . There is something satisfying about percussion instruments . I loved playing the piano for several months about ten years ago , and found even my elementary practice and gradual improvement very soothing and challenging at the same time . The reason I stopped was that cancer surgery and the removal of lymph nodes kept my right arm sore and swollen for a long time , so pounding of any kind was out of the question . It even hurt to play my violin ! I keep promising myself that I 'll get into it again , even re - start lessons . The Lord has healed my arm , and my arthritis has even subsided this year , so my excuses are beyond thin ! ! And I am encouraged by the mention of one percussion instrument , the cymbal , in 2 Chronicles 5 : 13 , used to celebrate the arrival of the Ark of the Covenant to Solomon 's temple . The watercolor painting was fun , very freestyle , done while listening to popular songs that mentioned the colors of the rainbow . I decided to leave before the aromatherapy , however , because I didn 't want to contract a splitting headache . Strong scents and I do not mix ! The instructor had shown us how to make a soft mallet from a sock and a dowel , so I got those two items from the back , said quiet goodbyes to our facilitators Mary and Darlene , and went to pick up Steve from down the hall . He was contentedly working on a puzzle with the group , and almost seemed reluctant to leave , praise the Lord ! ( He hadn 't gone into the room very happily hours before ) . 3 : 15 p . m . Today 's project was to earn the money for a full tank of gas ( or thereabouts ) and a holiday hairdresser visit . Since my gas tank was almost on empty this morning , and I had no appointments , it was time to get on the phone as soon as it was decent to do so . The Lord allowed me to wake up at 5 a . m . this morning , so I prayed and waited to fall asleep until my 6 a . m . cell alarm was set to go off , but it wasn 't happening . And worry was beginning to creep into the quiet time . Better to go downstairs , turn on the heater for Steve , start the coffee , empty the dishwasher and take my shower . Then I was able to start my devotions . I read the day 's devotional passage , posted my verse for today on Facebook , checked in on a sick friend , and then it was time to read my Bible portion and write in my Mary Kay and personal journals . I was so encouraged by King David 's victories , even crying out a fist - pumping " Yes ! " as he wiped out the giant Philistines in I Chronicles 20 . My reading prepared me for a day of effort , persistence , and success . Since Steve was home with me today after his morning care giver left , I needed to make sure he was situated , started on a task - - sweeping the back patio and cleaning the yard - - and start just a limited 3 hours to make calls . Sounds like a lot of time , but with interruptions for Steve 's personal needs and to direct him to his next task , I had to be very focused . My first call was to a lady who works at the Riverside County Office of Aging where I attended a caregivers ' support group yesterday . She had selected a specific lipstick color out of the catalog I left with her at the front desk . I had it in stock , so I made arrangements with her to deliver it pronto . Nice cash sale , and furthermore , she and I really hit it off and she 's looking forward to a facial next week . Steve and I promptly stopped at the gas station where I get 10 cents off per gallon with Ralphs rewards , so my $ 10 . 00 went much further ! And I 'd earned the remaining $ 9 . 00 needed for my hairdresser tomorrow . PTL ! I love this business , because I am responsible for earning what I need for each day . And I have discovered , as I told my retired business owner dad last week , that the harder and more consistently I work , the more ladies God puts in my path who want the products I offer ! ! Nothing new here for any sales professional , but when I see it happening for me , I 'm just amazed ! The customers were pre - ordained by God , but if I don 't start conversations wherever I go , or if I don 't call my contacts and leads , I 'll never know who they are . And if I don 't offer excellent service , I won 't get second appointments that will bless those women who may even want to start their own businesses . Life 's funny that way , and very exhilarating ! Proverbs has several verses about good business practices , so I 'll quote a few favorites . Proverbs 10 : 4 : He who has a slack hand becomes poor , but the hand of the diligent makes rich . Connecting with customers I know and have spent time with is one thing ; cold calling leads from boutiques and community events is far more daunting ! One has only a few seconds to make a friendly , honest impression . So it helps if you are friendly and honest , of course ! On my calls from evnts where ladies signed up to book free facials , I am just myself , a person with the joy of the Lord and trust in Him . I end up leaving a lot of messages , naturally , and people generally don 't call back . So I note the date and time and move to the next one . ( I 'll call again at a different time of day ) . It 's exciting to actually talk to a person , after leaving lots of voicemail , and generally they 'll set an appointment with me . If not , it 's either a bad time of they aren 't interested . That 's okay - - I 'm not interested in everything I 'm offered either . And I know that I 'll gain more leads at two upcoming boutiques I 've been invited to participate in . At tomorrow 's boutique where several ladies from church will be attending , my consultant Candy is going to fill in for me while Steve and I go to a Care Givers ' retreat in Sun City , to enjoy programs that will be held for both of us . So I will give any leads she gets by giving mini - facials and selling products to her to contact . My prayer is that she will get plenty of business from those contacts ! Her success is a priority for me , too . On December 9 , I 'll take party in a Christmas boutique in Mission Viejo , a very upscale event . How did I get invited ? Apparently , the the Lord gave me great favor with the cousin of the hostess from the day we spent together at the Hootieville boutique a week ago last Saturday . The Lord didn 't need me to make a good impression , but setting up a beautiful display table , posting special prices , and smilingly giving scores of mini - facials on the shoppers ' hands were my part to do - - my due diligence as a professional Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant ( Star Team Builder , soon to be a Team Leader ) . I did book appointments today , even with a lady I 'd never met , and made plans to see customers I already have . At bedtime , when I write my praises to the Lord Jesus for all of the things He has accomplished and the obstacles He has removed in my behalf , I like to close my eyes , thank Him once again , and just say to myself , " I worked hard today ! " Just as He challenges His people to do ! 7 : 24 p . m . Today 's project was to stay home as I do on Wednesdays , to pore through journal entries from the past several years in preparation for writing a book about our Steve 's and my experience with Alzheimer 's . Today was going to be different , however , because the Caregivers ' class that was responsible for a sea - change in my care for Steve was holding our monthly meeting . And since God ordained the help for me and the witnessing opportunity with group members , I decided to attend , taking about 2 hours out of the middle of the day . This morning , our early morning caregiver helped me get Steve going and to board the bus for Care Connexxus adult daycare . The Bright Star agency employee who does the weekly cleaning arrived and got her directions , enabling me to start my note - taking . ( I 'd also made arrangements with pharmacies for lowering Steve 's drug costs , and needed to stop at Rite - Aid on my way back - - or forth ) . At the support group , we shared a potluck meal , learned techniques for providing a calming atmosphere for our loved one , and then shared our lives . I never realize how Steve 's affliction is affecting me until I am asked directly about our life at this point . These fellow care giving gals are incredibly empathetic , because some are at the same stage with their parent or husband . I didn 't get teary until I recounted what Steve weepingly said to our pastor last week : " Everyone else is working . " We all agreed that work is a man 's main life identity , especially men like Steve who had such a long and brilliant career . So when we go out and about in public , he naturally sees everyone else moving about with purpose , driving , hurrying to the next obligation . He told me " I feel like a plant , " even though he has tasks and activities daily . But I know what he means : that to him , he isn 't serving any purpose , and has to be led around by others . Yet he has a strong testimony and his life is accomplishing much for others , as I told him this morning ! ( See " The Witness of Steve 's Life ' " yesterday 's post ) . The others suggested asking his doctor about help for depression , because it now seems that Steve realizes that he 's never going back to work , and feels that nothing will get better for him in this life . He had his frustrations before , but did his best to make the most of his days , joking and smiling along with others even if he couldn 't follow the conversation . So I will have a conversation about that with his doctor , because no one should live hopelessly , especially a believer in Jesus Christ . Romans 8 : 31 says , If God is for us , who can be against us ? But for a person whose mind is not functioning correctly , it 's a world of " can 't anymore " : can 't walk steadily , talk normally , use a phone , write , type , drive , go about independently , earn a living , care for personal needs . I do not presume to comprehend what that feels like , and neither can you , probably . It must be sheer torment . . . But God is so actively " for us " in Steve 's and my lives ! Weekly , more and more friends are coming over and getting involved , from surprise meals , taking Steve for a guys ' night out , landscaping and plumbing help , to walking and bathing the dog and beginning the garden prep that was just about to go by the wayside . It 's as if the Body of Christ has been waiting with bated breath for us to need their help , just as I did for years , waiting for calls from church to see who might need a meal or a visit . Members of Christ 's body eagerly serve one another in as many ways as God gives them talents . And when the servant of the man of God arose early and went out , there was an army , surrounding the city with horses and chariots . And his servant said to him , " Alas , my master ! What shall we do ? " So he answered , " Do not fear , for those who are with us are more than those who are with them . " And Elisha prayed , and said , " LORD , I pray , open his eyes that he may see . " Then the LORD opened the eyes of the young man , and he saw . And behold , the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha . Steve and I have a strong enemy that is afflicting his mind and body , the disease of Alzheimer 's . But God is sending a Spirit - filled army of believers to aid us in this difficult walk . On a larger scale , all Christians have one enemy , the enemy of our souls , the devil . His goal is to destroy our physical lives that we might forsake our allegiance to our King , Jesus Christ . In a more universal version of the Elisha 's chariots of fire , I John 4 : 4 gives all born again believers this assurance : 8 : 30 p . m . Today 's project was to lead my group of ladies at Bible study . This was the last session of Anne Graham Lotz ' Magnificent Obsession , so I prayed for alertness after less sleep than I could have used . The ladies deserve a focused leader to facilitate discussion . The Holy Spirit came upon us for powerful discussion ! I 've been getting up early the last week , in order to be prepared for the care giver 's arrival to help Steve get started with his day . The Lord gave me some discoveries along the way , like turning up the heat before Steve awakes ; and that I may not always be the best - equipped person to help my disabled husband when he is staggering off balance . Our caregiver provides extra security for both of us ! The Lord had a gift for our caregiver , too . He and his family went to a non - denominational Christian church on Sunday , and he just could not stop talking about the way everyone brought their Bible , how he could follow what the pastor was saying so much better than in the church he 'd been taken to as a child , where huge Bibles are just laid on an altar in the front ! He was also amazed by the congregation 's singing , actually enjoying praising God . He hadn 't brought a Bible , and didn 't know the words to the songs , but I assured him that the lyrics are generally easy to catch onto . He said the people were so friendly , and they all treated each other like they 'd been together their whole lives . He can 't wait to go back ! ! That church sounds like the church described in Ephesians 4 : 18b - 19 : Thank you , God , for using Steve 's situation , and the tough tasks we have to perform at this juncture , to start conversations about hope in the Lord and the Word , that we have been able to be witnesses for You ! Last night on our Legacy Unit conference call , our Sales Director Laurie launched a new program goal for us : to provide 80 Mint Bliss foot creams for the daycare participants at Riverside 's Care Connexxus where Steve goes once a week , and 70 more for the Alzheimer 's residents at Somerford in Redlands . She asked me to describe for the other consultants the center where Steve goes , and their annual Christmas party . As we sell the foot creams to customers , their payment will buy that product for an elderly or disabled person . Our effort is called " Adopt a Grandparent 2011 . " How gracious of the Lord to use what we call tragic to bring joy to others ! We may never know how our testimony for the Lord Jesus will reverberate through the centuries and across the globe . Psalm 4 : 6 - 7a says , 3 : 06 p . m . Today 's project was to get a haircut for Steve , buy the biggest turkey for the least price per pound , and figure out what to do about his prescriptions , now that we 've found ourselves in the dreaded Medicare Part D " doughnut hole . " That situation has been hanging over my head for a few weeks now , and I 've even been praying about following the neurosurgeon 's advice to just take him off of the most expensive one , Aricept . That 's a scary thought - - just like shelling out $ 225 is - - but then , life has lots to be scared of , unless we take our problems to the throne of grace ! Hebrews 4 : 16 , a treasured verse to me , says , that since Jesus , our sinless High Priest , is now interceding for us to the Father in heaven : We started out at Ralphs grocery store , heading back to the frozen turkey section , with me holding Steve 's hand for pacing . There was a 21 . 90 pound turkey for 47 cents a pound , if you bought $ 25 worth of groceries too . Since our pantry was somewhat bare , that was certainly no problem ! Then I had coupons to make the purchases even cheaper . So thank you , Lord ! In past years with every one of the kids and significant others , plus my sister and her kids here , nothing less than 26 lbs would do . But this year , we can go down a bit in turkey weight , now that both of the girls are married and need to share the day with their in - laws , perfectly correct . We 'll see them all for dessert and games later ! Fresh from that wonderful victory , we returned to the same shopping center after putting away the turkey and other items , to sign in at Fantastic Sam 's salon . The wait was short , and we both went over to the chairs . When the stylist asked Steve how he 'd like his hair , he just shrugged . So I described the basically same haircut , only short . He definitely had trouble getting in and out of the chair , and was confused about getting his hair washed , but I gently guided him over to the bowls . The girl asked , " Is this your brother ? " I was chuckling inside as I told her he 's my husband . We 've been described in many ways as a couple over the last 30 years , but never yet been told we look alike ! I guess there 's a first time for everything . Haircut finished , we got gas and dropped off some disposable mascara wands at my team member Chelsey 's house , then home for yard cleaning and then lunch . Steve was shaky and almost stumbling this morning , like he 's been off and on for the last few months , whether on high doses of Aricept , or back on the original dose . Much as we want to think there 's a way to use medication for better results , this is a heavily degenerate incurable disease . All we can do , with the Lord 's guidance and wisdom , is attempt to ameliorate the symptoms . It 's so hard to see my husband 's hands shake and move in the opposite direction when he needs to grasp something or put on socks , or even eat . He struggled with vacuuming , and some yard clean - up ; but was good at holding coupons during my peripatetic trek through the supermarket , and emptied our kitchen compost container , and followed up with stirring the large bin with a hoe , to mix up the contents , with no trouble . We had some excellent good news from CVS pharmacy this afternoon regarding Steve 's Aricept . They put together a generic version , 90 days ' supply for $ 15 ! You can bet we raced over to pick them up , because Steve had just run out today ! He swallowed it on the way home . The Lord is Jehovah Jireh , " The God who provides ! " Yet , this afternoon , we had a strange incident . I started the Oreck for Steve and he vacuumed the downstairs with no problem , very thoroughly . But when I came around the corner from the kitchen to the living room , Steve was lying halfway on the tile and on the carpet ! There had been no sound of a fall , and with the noisiness of the tile , I would have heard it . He wasn 't asleep or unconscious , so he helped himself up using the banister . Apparently , he 'd been crouching down to wrap up the cord , leaned a bit too far and toppled over . But like other falls he 's had over the last two months , he wasn 't dizzy ! Between the loss of depth perception in the mid - to - late stage , and overall unsteadiness , it happened . What a good relief it was to see our caregiver at the door , after I spent time consoling Steve in his tears , praying and listening to praise music on our Directv Channel 826 , " The Spirit " . We were beginning to be uplifted once again . And Andrew 's arrival provided a change of pace and personality that can do any of us good ! 2 : 02 p . m . Today 's project was to go to church . I won 't list all of the difficult elements involved in getting Steve and me into the Jeep by 9 : 12 a . m . , but we made it ! We had hopes our invited guest , one of Steve 's caregivers , would attend 2nd service , so we took the time to pray for him , as well as for our pastor who is on a ministry trip to South America . I love the saying we use in our Mary Kay sales unit , " Today , Not Tomorrow , " or TNT . That applies to prayer , I think , more than any other action a Christian can take . As I snatched a few moments to read My Utmost for His Highest , I kept reflecting on today 's date , November 13th . What on earth was happening today ? Do you ever get like that , just sure that there 's a happening coming on a certain date , but having no idea what it is ? ! Maddening ! So I read the selection from my favorite devotional writer Oswald Chambers , beautifully stern as always about our Christian walk . Quite honestly , I stood convicted of unbelief on so many fronts , whether large , medium , small , or miniscule ! It is along this line that we see the rugged impatience of the Holy Ghost against unbelief . All our fears are wicked , and we fear because we will not nourish ourselves in our faith . How can anyone who is identified with Jesus Christ suffer from doubt or fear ! It ought to be an absolute paean of perfectly irrepressible , triumphant belief . Just a few minutes ago , I was panicked about finding a stamp to mail a check for DMV registration , praying we 'd have the funds in a few days , when in response to prayer , God showed me where a stamp was ! Better yet , when I checked the bank account , expectantly dreading a bad answer from the computer voice , there was more than enough to cover that and other major needs . I was definitely the ye in " O ye of little faith " ( Luke 12 : 28 ) ! Back to the date , November 13 , it finally dawned on me that K . P . Yohannon , president and founder of Gospel for Asia , would be speaking at our church today . The ministry had already given us all free copies of No Longer a Slumdog to read before his visit . I read it with agony for the children in the slums of India , especially , doomed by the caste system to live , play and die in the sewers , whose bodies are scooped up each morning by workers in large cities like Bombay . Their life expectancy is so short , if it were not for the intervention of Jesus Christ , who loves them as much as He loves our beloved and cared - for children . Gospel for Asia has sent out 15 , 000 missionaries and workers into 13 Asian countries , starting schools and leading these lost children , many parentless , to Jesus Christ . Brother Yohannon 's scripture was Jesus ' warning in Matthew 18 : 10 : K . P . Yohannon said , " That means that these children 's angels give a report to God the Father regarding these little ones . " Our challenge was to pray for the children , their parents , and the churches that are springing up in multitudes of villages with native teachers and pastors ; furthermore , we should each consider sponsoring a child for $ 28 a month , even as many children as the natural ones we 've brought into the world . With five kids and two grandsons , soon to be three , to my credit . . . you 're talking real money now ! What kind of faith will I exercise in a child 's behalf , that they might come to know Jesus , be fed , clothed , and educated ? Our own personal trial at home is devastating , but not so much financially , thanks to the Lord 's leading to make preparation a decade ago . When permanent disability strikes a family breadwinner , there is great loss , undeniably . But God has brought us through every step of the way ! I like what Oswald Chambers says today : How can we talk of making a sacrifice for the Son of God ! Our salvation is from hell and perdition , and then we talk about making a sacrifice ! 6 : 08 p . m . Today 's project was to join future director Cara , in hosting a Mary Kay skincare class at our training center in Redlands , slated for 9 a . m . I was delighted to be invited to add my guests . I quickly booked two guests , and hoped for a third who was stopping by to pick up a moisturizer she 'd purchased at a boutique last week . Cara had six girls from the University of Redlands . We both had met just one of today 's guests at a carnival , and they invited others . That 's one of the beautiful advantages of the Mary Kay business - - every woman has a face ! Twelve hours ago I wasn 't feeling very advantaged , because I had gotten up and started getting ready , and was starting my devotions when time came to wake Steve up . His helper was to arrive at 7 a . m . It was critical that Steve get his meds taken on time as usual . He woke up shaking horribly , and getting him to just sit up was strenuous . The other time he shook like that was last Saturday morning when I also had a major event coming up . I managed to help him into his sweatpants and slippers , helped him downstairs , and got him seated at the kitchen table . Just as I was turning up the heat from 70 to 72 degrees , the doorbell rang and the caregiver came in . I covered Steve with a heavy afghan in addition to his t - shirt and sweats , and then the two of us tried to get his shaking to stop long enough to take his medication . He finally managed it , and while the caregiver got his banana peeled , I brought his coffee . That helped with warming , and meanwhile , the heater had kicked on . Steve then moved over to his online devotional reading . I went back to my devotions after giving the caregiver his directions for the morning . Steve began to come around to normal , and by the time I went upstairs to get dressed and made up , he was eating his hot buttered rolls . Saturday mornings seem to be difficult for Steve the last two weeks , even scary . It 's certainly no fault of his - - even if I told him just before bedtime that I had an event in the morning , he would have no knowledge of it at all within 1 minute . It would be the same case if even if I had mentioned it this morning . Last week , the helper and I let Steve go to back to sleep on the couch , but today he preferred to stay up . Perhaps we need to have the heater come on a little earlier , but during the week he doesn 't shake in the mornings , and we get up even earlier . Quite a puzzlement ! Just now returned from a readjusting of the heater 's program - - we 'll see what happens , courtesy of Mrs . Non - handy ! Even if there 's a logical , practical or mechanical solution to Steve 's Saturday shakes , the enemy does use our miscalculations and lack of foresight to rattle belivers , to distract and discourage us from what we are called to do . The devil is a thief , ( John 10 : 10 ) not only of life and property , but of peace , purpose . confidence and initiative . Above all , he 's a liar ! Jesus said of the devil in in John 8 : 44 , So the lies , " You aren 't supposed to go out today - - look at Steve ! It 's raining , you can 't go anywhere today ! You 're low on gas and your tires aren 't too good , you need to stay home ! " were familiar ones , getting a bit rusty , actually , by now . On and on the negative , gloomy harassment went , until I kissed Steve goodbye ( now doing just fine ) and went on to my skincare class . Two cash sales quickly solved my gasoline problem and put money in the bank ; and I found a potential team member , too ! Meanwhile , Cara and I conducted the class with our beauty coats on , a first for me . I definitely enjoy the Christian fellowship and the ideas I glean from watching another consultant 's presentation . We had all the facial supplies we needed between the two of us . Since there 's no competition between Mary Kay consultants , we can have our founder 's " go - give " spirit in our businesses , helping others be successful ! So much for this morning 's cold start - - today 's good news keeps getting better , thank you Lord ! Two Facebook friends are expressing interest in joining my team , after seeing a picture I posted of the $ 75 starter kit contents . These are young moms who need extra income , as many do today . If the Lord can use me to lend a hand with training , sisterly fellowship , and encouragement , it will be a privilege . Steve and I continued on with a relaxed , cozy afternoon and evening , warmed by a crockpot full of creamy beef , cheddar , potato and chopped vegetable soup . He 's sleeping peacefully now , and we are looking forward to our day at church tomorrow . We are praying our caregiver will make it to 2nd service which we attend . In the Lord there is healing and hope ; the indwelling Spirit gives power to cope . Posted by Steve 's sibs ' surprised us with lunch from In - ' n - Out Burger , Steve 's favorite . Their hospitality even extended to bringing me a lettuce - wrapped burger , for my gluten - free lifestyle . After Sharon , the oldest of the remaining three Kruckenberg offspring , prayed , we dug in to a delicious feast , a real treat . Steve ate with only a couple of incidents , but his burger got put back together by his brother Larry 's widow Michaele , and warmed up , too , for this special occasion of food and fellowship . As Steve 's cousin Stephanie remarked , " We just don 't eat out . " I concurred . She continued , " There are too many other more urgent things to do with our money ! " And as Jesus described in Luke 12 : 42 , we need to be good stewards of our household income . As servants of our Master Jesus , we can identify with His challenge ! And the Lord said , " Who then is that faithful and wise steward , whom his master will make ruler over his household , to give them their portion of food in due season ? Blessed is that servant whom his master will find so doing when he comes . " We covered several topics , and had lots of laughs , but when Steve sister Linda 's husband Mike took a nodding Steve out for a short walk , I brought up one particular use for money , prescriptions ! I laid on the table the online coupons I printed for 16 % off of Aricept , and " up to " 75 % off of Namenda . We have descended into Medicare 's " Doughnut Hole , " a place of darkness where Medicare Part D won 't cover our prescriptions again until January of 2012 . I 'm looking for ways to save on buying Steve 's most expensive brand name drugs . Aricept is $ 225 / 30 , and Namenda is $ 89 / 30 market price ! They used to cost $ 29 , making them substantially more costly than his other drugs , which have a $ 5 co - pay . Better hustle up and sell more Mary Kay ! ! ( Or , along with building my business , keep searching out patient prescription assistance programs ) . Right now , as my husband 's neurosurgeon sees it from the images of his brain , Aricept isn 't having any effect on him at mid - to - late stage Alzheimer 's . I can anecdotally state that the disease process , as judged by his coping and basic functioning skills , is precipitously going downhill . Namenda , however , does seem to improve his sharpness and alertness . Steve has no memory of any event , whether it 's on days we 've accidentally skipped an Aricept pill , he 's taken the max level of 23 milligrams or whether he 's taken 10 milligrams . Whether to keep giving him this drug is a matter of prayer and God 's leading - - " Where he guides , He provides , " Pastor Chuck Smith always says . Everyone had a medical incident to report , a dog story , and endless chuckles about our kids and grand kids . We are almost all grandparents now . The family is looking forward to our nephew 's wedding next summer , and our Kriss ' son Clark Alexander birth next March . In between , there will come a prayerful and delicious Thanksgiving , for which I 'm hoping youngest son Steven will be here from Fresno ; festive and faith - filled , but frugal , Christmas , and a fresh new year . My dad isn 't getting any younger , and my husband isn 't getting any healthier . We have much to celebrate together , and precious little time to do it in . Our time here on earth is so short , and that time is the Lord 's to parcel out . We all hope to live long lives with full abilities to the end , and some of us will . As for other people like my Steve , their decline will be devastating to them and to their families in every way . Knowing this , I 'll close with Psalm 31 : 14 - 15a :
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I 'm making a film ! This year ! May ! What does the pic up top of the dearly departed have to do with it ? Lots , but not at all in the way you 're thinking . Early - Summer of last year , I decided that I finally had enough experience behind and around the camera to make my first film ( look at that IMDb page ) . There have been a few false starts over the years , and even a start that came up shorter than I wanted it to because I wasn 't quite ready to wield the camera long - term . I don 't have a problem with waiting ' til I 'm ready for something . I could 've made films ten years ago because I had a strong visual sense and knew I could show a good story . But I couldn 't tell a good story yet . The only reason I wanted to be a director is because I could write scripts for me , and my writing didn 't match quality the pictures I could make . So I chose to focus on making it easier for me to make characters more defined as well as make better dialogue . Somewhere around there , I realized that although I enjoy a good plot - driven tale and could easily write more than a few , my home was with character pieces . It 's much more interesting for me to see people deal with each other instead of giving them something to do . Then I found women more enjoyable to write than men and never looked back . I knew that I wanted my first film to be a generational snapshot ( like Easy Rider or Clerks ) . There hadn 't been one for my ilk yet , and I knew that it 's bound to happen sooner than later . I 'd rather be part of the " sooner " crowd , so it was a matter of finding out what about my generation I wanted to say . As I think about what I wrote , I feel that I 've said enough but I 've left out a lot . Maybe next time . Isolation was the thing that caught my attention the most , so I followed that train of thought . The ending is one of the first things I think up no matter what story I tell . It 's something I realized recently , wished I knew a lot sooner , and was grateful for knowing at all . Lucky , lucky me , what ended up being Wake Up Alone had an ending that came to me briskly . I wanted it to start with drama and end with horror , and the ending didn 't disappoint . Why is the end so important to me ? It gives me something to work towards and earn . You 're not gonna be able to figure out how it ends , but you 'll also see that it couldn 't have ended any other way . And now , we get to Ms . Winehouse . In the early planning stage , I quickly latched onto naming the main character after her and titling the film after a song that felt right . So Amy became the star of Wake Up Alone . I changed her name to May because of a subtle ( ? ) joke involving her name and the names of two other characters . But the Winehouse goes deeper because the film , in a way , is a nod to the " Rehab " lyric , " I just , oh , I just need a friend " . There are a few other big and little nods to her , but I 'll let the film show you them . After lots of thinking and planning and writing , I finally finished Wake Up Alone … and it clocked in at 63 pages , I think . My intent was to get some producers interested , and no one 's gonna read a script that 's around 60 pages . That 's basically a short film , in their eyes , and they don 't make money . I decided to put it away for a little while so I could look at it with fresher eyes and see how I could add more pages . I was worried about doing that because it 's such a tight script . Every line lead to the next , so to add anything new could 've fucked everything up . While I was distracting myself , I reread Mick Rock 's excellent Metallica biography , Enter Night , and read a Tweet that changed the rest of my year . While reading the book , the idea of a blind woman starting a Heavy Metal band came to me . As I kept reading , the idea started to congeal . I was gonna resign it to my idea notebook and come back to it later , then I saw her bump into a wall and say " Wall . " just before she did it and knew I had to write her story double - quick . How could I ignore a blind woman Metal guitarist who 's comfortable enough with her handicap to knowingly bump into a wall ? I 'm not at all someone who 's constantly writing scripts . If I 'm writing it , I intend on directing it soon . Or at least doing something with it . Then I read a Tweet from BBC 's Writers Room , a site the channel has that fosters writers ( more things should do this ) . It said that it would be accepting unsolicited , one - hour , dramatic scripts in December . I was glad and worried at the same time . I 'd been waiting for that , but didn 't have any ideas . Then I remembered my blind guitarist . Writing her was more instinctual , and I quickly found out that I wasn 't interested in writing a dramatic story about her . It was more interesting to write something lighthearted because anyone could do the " woe is me " tale about a blind woman trying to do something . Not many would not let her handicap get in the way . Fewer would make her a leader . But the BBC thing would want a dramatic script . Then I realized I could give them Wake Up Alone since it was around 60 pages and make Turn the Strange my first film . If I could go on a tangent , I 'd like to talk about how Doctor Who , Wonder Woman , and Supergirl allowed Wake Up Alone and Turn the Strange exist the way that they do . I 'm a huge fan of the Sturm und Drang . The bleaker the story , the better . However , those three characters injected something in my storytelling palette that I wouldn 't have put on my own : the dreaded c - word , " compassion " . I didn 't know it was there , but I also didn 't try to get rid of it when I looked back . Wake Up Alone is about three women , and two of them fit quite well in my house of malaise . The third , though , is definitely a by - product of the Gallifreyan , the Amazonian , and the Kryptonian . She might 've popped up a few years ago , but she would 've been someone the film made fun of . Instead , she 's an integral part of the tale and as fucked - up and bleak as the ending is , it 's also full of compassion . And I wouldn 't have bothered with Turn the Strange 's blind Emily if I wasn 't such a geek . My storytelling hasn 't changed completely because compassion was added . What 's happened is now I have an opportunity to create richer stories . I also get to see me war against compassion with nihilism . Should be fun . So . Back to Turn the Strange . I wrote it and had a great time and accepted that Wake Up Alone was gonna be made by someone else . Then I started location - scouting ( finding places to make a film ) and making a style guide ( a portfolio that shows ideas of clothes and things as well as cinematography ) . Metallica 's new album came out the day I was location - scouting , so that was a particularly fun and karmic time . Then December hit and the BBC started taking scripts . Two funny things happened . I realized that sending Wake Up Alone to them would 've been like spending time getting to know a woman who was really into me , telling her that she should date a stranger when she 's ready to go on a date , and think " They sure look great together . Wait a minute … " The other thing that happened was , unlike other script things they had , the BBC was only accepting scripts from the UK . Thus , my decision was made on two fronts : Wake Up Alone is mine . But I also had Turn the Strange . After moping for a few minutes , I told myself that I now have a second film script already ready and felt groovy . Well , there was another script idea , but that 's for another blog . I now had my original problem with May and friends : how the fuck was I gonna pump the page count up without making the script bloated ? I hate deleted scenes . If there was more attention paid to the script , those scenes would 've been taken out and not wasted lots of time and money . So if I was gonna add more scenes , I had to be sure that they HAD to be there . One of the characters is damn verbose , so I wanted to try avoiding her scenes because they 're exhausting to write . Her scenes were the ones that would 've suffered the most from adding , anyway . Because I walked away from the BBC thing , I got to make things more adult , which was nice . Those lines of thought made me develop scenes that I wanted to kick myself for not think of initially , but I 'm glad I found them at all . Then 63 pages became 75 , and things were groovy . Starting today , I get the gears going for Wake Up Alone on the intense road to get behind the camera on May 1st . I 've got a schedule set up , so it 's just a matter of tenacity and ingenuity . I 'll update when I can , so I 'll see you when I have more to say . They weren 't here last week when I was here . Which means they were bought recently . You 're the only one who lives here . Which means that your liver and bladder are at least 70 - proof . Yes , Francesca , yes , it fucking is . You 're better than this . You 're so much better than this . We used to make fun of people who did what you 're doing . You 're trying to burn whatever problem you 're going through with fire water , but it 's never the answer . Not in college . Not now . Not when you 're dead . Talk to me . No , nothing happened with my family . Nothing ever happens with my family . Nothing never - ever happens with my fucking family . Fuck , I thought you were my friend . Ooo , " brat " ! I thought I had you swearing . You should 've said something more along the lines of " bitch " . Or are you going back to schoolyard swears , doody - head ? Just what ? A woman can 't have her heart broken and be a mess ? I 'm sorry if I 'm not evolved enough to match your critique on modern femininity . Why would it matter ? Heartache is heartache . I didn 't know agony depended on gender . It was a hermaphrodite . There . Now the feminists won 't know what to make of me . What ? Just because you have thoughts different from mine about relationships doesn 't make my problems enigmatic . I never felt that your issues were weird . Your jumping from person to person because you got what you needed from them … that sort of thing made you you and those you dated knew what they were getting into . I 'm mourning what could 've been . If that 's too romantic for you , there 's the door . I didn 't ask you to be a part of this . Fuck , I didn 't even ask you to be here . Why did you come here in the first fucking place ? It 's been four Summers since my first attempt at making a film . For reasons mostly involving me , it turned into a short film that wasn 't close to what I wanted it to be . I didn 't mean for the gap twixt one directing gig and the other to be so long . I 've tried many times to get another film off the ground , but it 's damn hard to convince people to give you money if you have nothing to show ( but I had nothing to show because I didn 't have money [ oh , you vicious cycle … ] ) . I did get a chance to direct again last year , but that was more of a sketch than a drawing . I 'm still proud of it , though . I decided to back away from being a writer - director , for a while , and became just a writer . Almost immediately , things started happening . I wrote a feature film that led me to being part of a production company , Artigianale Films . I made a few industry connections . I got two IMDB credits by way of shorts I wrote . I wrote a dark comedy web series that 'll premiere in September . The story behind it , like most things , is interesting . The web series has one director and I thought that I could direct an episode . To ease the burden and to get behind the camera . But he said , and I agreed , that things are better with one voice . There was a brief period twixt auditions and filming for the web series where , if I really wanted to , I could squeeze in a short film . And I really wanted to . So I started thinking about what to make . I knew that it had to have one location , two actors , and very few camera set - ups to comfortably do it in the time I had . Three weeks , from conception to final edit . I wanted to make a comedy ( or what passes for a comedy ) because I wanted a pallet - cleanser from my usual brand of Sturm und Drang . I quickly latched onto the idea of two women plotting to kill a man , which led to the original title : HOW TO FAIL THE BECHDEL TEST ( AND HAVE FUN DOING IT ) . Because a way to fail the Bechdel Test is to have the female characters do nothing but talk about men . The women were gonna gripe about a man in their lives and settle on killing them . Then it became one woman killing hers and the other killing him in a song . Because of that , one became a martial artist ( Ileana ) and the other became a musician ( Freya ) . Then I changed the title to DEATH IS FOR LOSERS ! , because they were gonna kill / " kill " the losers in their lives . Then Ileana became a lesbian and a musician . I thought about why they 'd kill , and quickly latched onto Freya having a terrible father . With Ileana , I didn 't wanna fall into the trope of a psychotic lover . But I wanted her to have , from her perspective , a strong reason for murder . That 's when I thought of objectophilia . To be left for an inanimate object is grounds to at least entertain the thought of murder , methinks . Then I changed it so they both kill with a song . If I kept the original idea , Ileana was gonna slip more and more into derangement , Freya takes her outside for a smoke , and they pretend like everything 's ok . But since they 're " killers " , it felt better to leave them on the stairs . Them talking about the worst things in their lives came about because I wanted to make a 20 - minute short and needed a way to fill the time . I also wanted to build up to Ileana 's dramatic reveal . Another thing I wanted to do throughout the short was to show sex in a positive as well as a negative light . Usually , sex is A Very Bad Thing , and I wanted it to be A Thing . Freya masturbates and doesn 't feel guilty , Ileana loves burlesque shows , Freya had a bout of incest when she was wee , Ileana 's lover left her for a roller coaster … Oh , and even though Ileana ( rightfully ) has bad feelings about her ex , I didn 't wanna make fun of objectophilia . It 's an easy joke , and I didn 't think that mocking a fetish was funny . If it 's not child - endangerment or snuff , I don 't see the problem with kink . Albert Brooks once said that he 's funny in the way people are funny and not the way comedians are funny . That always stuck with me . A comedian has to make everything funny : it 's their job . People don 't have to be funny all the time . That 's the kind of " humor " I was going for twixt Freya and Ileana . If something makes you laugh , great , but I wanted them to keep your attention rather than make you chuckle . Now , sometimes I go for the funny , but I 'm content with you not cracking a smile while you watch . After writing ( and reading aloud what I wrote to make sure that it 's easy for the actresses to say ) , I put out an ad on Craigslist . I hear the site gets lots of flack , but it 's been nothing but good to me , so far . I put out character descriptions , what I was able to pay ( nothing , but I 'd make lunch and give IMDB credits ) , and when auditions would be . I got a few replies … then I sent parts of the script and got fewer re - replies . I knew that was gonna be the case , though . Freya and Ileana weren 't traditional women , so I was prepared to see a nice drop - off in interested actresses . I wanna point out , though , that I wrote in the ad that I was looking for any race , and that the age range was 20s - 40s . I don 't write with anyone in mind , though I do have traits tucked away . It 's a matter of finding the right person for the role , to me , not the right name . Over a Saturday or a Sunday , I saw a few actresses . One stood out to me as a great Ileana , though she came in for Freya . Lexi had an energy that I thought counterbalanced Ileana 's gloom . Imagine if Fairuza Balk played Lydia , and you have an idea of my mindset . Freya was a character who WAS the spotlight , so having a high - energy actress play her could 've tipped the scales . Luckily , Lexi understood and latched onto Ileana . Later , she thanked me because , after reading the script , she felt that Freya would 've been harder for her to pull off . Freya came by way of an actress who almost couldn 't be at the audition . The day that I was gonna reserve the rehearsal room for x amount of hours , I got a reply from Nadia asking if there was space left . She wasn 't sure which character was right , then settled on Freya . Her audition was interesting because she almost talked herself out of it before she started . As a director , you have to be the calm in front of any storm that comes your way , so I just had to be reassuring and patient . Soon after auditions , I had rehearsals . Part of casting is finding the right performers for one another along with finding the right performers , so I was glad that Lexi and Nadia were friendly as soon as they met . The first day of rehearsals was in a big room with three chairs . I didn 't want them to get too used to acting in the space because the location was a living room . They might plan their routine with chairs in a big room when they 're supposed to be on couches and stairs in a living room . The point of that day was to get them to know their characters and lines so that when they got to the location , they were ready . I had specific ideas of what I wanted , but casting the right way meant that I didn 't have much to say . It might 've been weird for the actresses , me not giving lots of direction ( especially during filming ) , but they were doing most of the things I wanted already so all I had to say was " Yeah , that 's fine . " I 'm not at all one of those dictatorial directors or asshole directors who feel the only way to get what they want is to scream or treat people like shit . I 've learned from the best that the best way for actors and actresses to give a great performance ( a director doesn 't get great performances ) is to make them comfortable . That doesn 't mean be a pushover or let them do whatever the fuck they want , it means to let them feel that they can do anything and be safe doing it . Martin Scorsese and David Lynch don 't get people wanting to work with them again unless they create safe environments , because their films are so intense and demanding . What surprised me most about Lexi and Nadia was what happened after rehearsals . We only had about a week left before shooting , and they took it upon themselves to rehearse with each other , with no provocation from me . They went to a place that had two couches and rehearsed for a night , then called each other to rehearse throughout the week . They wouldn 't have done that unless they thought the script was good , so I had to make more than sure that I wouldn 't let them down when it came time to direct . We had a day and a half to shoot , which was whittled down from three days due to life getting in the way . I would 've preferred to have shot in sequence , but because the first day was the half - day , we had to shoot the stair stuff first . We rehearsed that a few times , but it was hard for them because , y ' know , it was the end . They made it through , though , and we finished up on time . The second day was everything else , and we shot that pretty much in sequence . Instead of moving the camera back and forth , we shot all the stuff with one angle , then moved to another one , and on and on . The ladies rocked it so well that we ended up finishing three hours earlier . Then came editing . I was really up against the clock ( two days , in all ) because the web series was starting soon and the computer I was editing on was gonna need the space . It wouldn 't have been so bad if my hard drive didn 't make all the footage skip during playback . You can imagine how I felt when I was cutting together Freya talking about Rusty and her half - brother . Luckily , the skipping didn 't mean the rendering was gonna skip , too . What also sucked was that the clips didn 't snap together , so I had to zoom in a lot to make sure they were connected in the work area . There were a few slight hiccups during filming that I knew I could fix in editing , that 's why there are black cards with words during certain shots ( to hide the two takes ) . Then I noticed there was a gap towards the beginning , so I had to slide EVERYTHING incrementally . Then the footage was shorter after that point , so I had to stretch EVERYTHING incrementally . There was a little vignetting added and I wanted to add some grain , but the rendering would 've taken too long . Then it was just a matter of putting in the credits and the songs I made . Then gloating while feeling geekily proud because I finished editing the same day that SUICIDE SQUAD did . I burned the short to a DVD and was ready to show it to the world … then I saw that the DVD split the file so that there was an 18 - minute clip and a two - minute clip . I fixed it soon after , and released it . It 's submitted to one festival , and I 'll submit it to another at the end of the month . I 'm so proud of it because of what I did , and also because of the people involved . Hope you enjoy it and whatever else I do in the future . A little history . For a few years , I 've wanted to write critical essays on some of the geeky things I love . Examining them and finding new and interesting tangents to take them to that might not be obvious . But every time I thought I was ready , I couldn 't follow through . It wasn 't until a week or two ago , after watching the amazing critical examination of METAL GEAR SOLID 2 , that I figured out how I should go about things . The video plays like an essay in motion , but that 's not how it inspired me . For some reason , I saw that my way into writing a critical essay was by not writing it like an essay . Rather , like a conversation . Once that clicked , everything ZIPPED into place . The only thing for me to decide was my first subject . After thinking for a while , I made a sliding scale . There are some subjects that I have A LOT to say about , but I might be overwhelmed by if I started now . They ended up on the far end , waiting for me to level - up and handle their boss battles . So I made my first battle against Harley Quinn . You 'll find it hard to believe after seeing how long this is ( and this is LONG ) , but I have the least to say about her compared to the others . Once I had Harley , the next step was to create people to talk about her . Willa and Lucy fit the bill , but strongly coming at this as a writer , I couldn 't have them start off waxing poetic . I spent years training myself to put characters first , so much so that it 's second nature to me . Because of that , I had to find a reason for them to ramble about her for as long as they do , and make them interesting enough for me to care . Why fuck all night if you can 't stand the other person ? And , like all characters , I 'm in Willa and Lucy , but it 's not a one - to - one ratio sorta thing . For one , I 'm a guy , but I would rock the pigtails if I was bored and hopeless enough . I can safely say that there 's none of me in Michelle , though . My intention with writing this was to create a celebration and examination of Harley , but also an introduction and a refresher . This is my first juggling act , so I apologize if I drop a chainsaw or two . With that said , this , along with my Bowie memorial poem , is my proudest written work this year , so far . There are some scripts , but they 're meant to be acted , and I 'll feel just as proud when they 're shot over the course of the rest of the year . A woman stands on the doorstep of her best friend . In one hand , she clutches a bag full of empty calories . Chocolate , donuts , chocolate , soda , chocolate , and ice cream . She can hate herself in the morning , they 're called " comfort foods " for a reason . As we 'll find out soon , Willa has a reason for each and every figure - destroying morsel crinkling in the plastic bag . Willa retorts , " After my week ? " She enters and Lucy smells a new smell . Despair is a foreign concept to her , so she dismisses it as something her friend might 've stepped in . Closing the door behind her , Lucy mourns , " Woe to the republic . And take off your Doc Martens . " The early - afternoon sun passes through the curtained windows of the living room as welcome a guest as Willa . The room , like Lucy , is proud of the geeky accoutrements scattered , piled , pinned , and posed within its four walls . Lucy is a fan of symbols , so , to the casual eye , she seems to have a touch of hoarder in her . " Casual , " like " normal , " is a bad word here , and the time - traveler geek will appreciate the blue box with an old travelogue tucked inside . The open - minded sci - fi geek will get a chuckle out of the viral outbreak poster with " Smith " splattered on it in green paint . And on and on . Willa sits on the couch next to Lucy 's cat , Michelle … or rather , Michelle allows Willa to sit there . Lucy takes her bag and arranges everything on a coffee table within leg 's reach in a buffet fashion . Willa reaches her hand out and is allowed to pet Michelle . While Lucy arranges , she hums to herself . She hops to one of her two CD towers , then pops The Cure 's GALORE into the stereo . The first few notes of the first song , " Why Can 't I Be You ? " , matches the bit she hummed . She looks at the table o ' diabetes and is about to settle next to her two pals when she remembers the final ingredient . " Michelle thought the little baggie was catnip , so … " Lucy admits with a certain sadness . Willa looks by her striped feet , at the gnawed plastic and hash , then at the mellow feline . " I was wondering why the little bitch was letting me pet her , " Willa says . Lucy shrugs apologetically , then gestures with the glass . Willa nods , " Three fingers , " then gives Michelle the death glare . Yet still , she strokes the fur … Lucy flips her hair behind her ( " To get the spirits buzzing . " ) and sets her glass on the arm of the couch behind her . She lies with her knees up , to not get in the way of her pals , and uses the arm as a pillow . A pose she 's perfected since her slumber party days at Willa 's . Willa considers setting her glass on the stoned kitty , then sees that it 's not worth the trouble of cleaning up if it spills . She settles on keeping it handy . Lucy sits up with slight surprise , like Michelle after hearing a can opener if she wasn 't busy feeling a little THC . " Wow , you get to be Silent Bob for a change ? How do I cope with the pressure ? What am I supposed to talk about that 'll take your mind off of - " Willa sips approvingly and says , " I think you know . Something you 've wanted to yak my ear off about for years . " She gestures with her glass to a place behind Lucy . Lucy , dripping with hope , slowly turns around and perches like a cat ready to pounce . As the back of her yellow thong peeks over her charcoal sweatpants , her eyes lock onto a red and black marionette in a doctor 's coat . SMASH ! Her alcohol abuse hits the hardwood and sends a sticky - sweet green mess everywhere . Not that Lucy cares . Willa almost spilled her drink on Michelle . Not that Lucy cares . Michelle might be so high that she thinks she 's the universe experiencing itself . Not that Lucy cares . Because she finally gets to talk about one of her favorite characters , in all the ways she 's thought about , to someone who wants to listen . Cats don 't count . Lucy springs from her spot and tosses a pillow over her mess in one deft motion . Willa would applaud if she wasn 't worried about the monster she just unleashed . Still , she 's glad that Lucy 's happy because she 's infectious and she prefers the monster bounding before her to the monster of her memories . Waiting for her to bait it with thoughts of Nameless He . Willa prepares for whatever 's about to come by filling her glass and worrying with a smile . Lucy can be heard rustling and twice letting out a quiet " ow " from her bedroom . When she rejoins the party , her friend can 't help but laugh . " You … you realize that those are uneven , right ? " Willa manages to ask . Lucy , looking the same as before save for two very lopsided pigtails , replies , " They 're so boss , shut up . " " I guess I better take this off , " Willa says as she gestures towards her biker jacket . " I was wondering when you were gonna , " Lucy says . Willa de - robes , revealing her sleevless , white Victorian blouse . She chucks her hide to a corner and straightens out her long , black pleated skirt before reconnecting with her Puckers . Lucy does , then pushes up her sleeves and says , " There 're just SO many places to start . Do I talk about her and Poison Ivy ? Or how she 's an addict ? Or if she promotes victim culture ? " " How about you start by reintroducing me to her and going from there ? I only really know her from those Arkham games and a few episodes of that old Batman cartoon . " Willa looks Lucy up and down , then says , " I can tell by your bug - eyes that she might be in other stuff … so I 'm gonna continue my Silent Bob routine . Take it away , Brodie . " Lucy takes a more determined deep breath , like an agitated dream puff . As she breathes in , she searches for her smartphone . Willa points to the donuts , and Lucy frees it from under them . She inhaled a bit too much because a loud burp shoots out of her . " The guy behind the show . A puppet master , you 'd say . Dini told him about his Harley Quinn idea , as in ' harlequin , ' and even drew a picture of her . " " Timm said the same thing , " Lucy says as she brings the phone back to her and scrolls . " Then he drew the Harley in the red - and - black onesie we know and love . It was also Dini who gave Harley her voice . His friend , Arleen Sorkin , was on a soap opera and he thought she 'd make a great Harley . Then Ms . Quinn popped up on the square screen on September 11 , 1992 in the episode JOKER ' S FAVOR . " " Hmm … Not really , " Lucy explains , " I mean , she keeps some deadly company , but I think she 's the truest example of Chaotic Neutral . Like Captain Jack Sparrow or Tyler Durden . " " I 'm not , I 'm just pointing out a bad time , " Willa says with a sip . " So that was the only time she appeared on the show ? I remember her getting thrown out of a window . " " That 's MAD LOVE , but we 'll get to that soon . Let 's see … I remember her in HARLEY & IVY , when those two first joined forces . Another Dini / Kirkland collabo , and it came out in January ' 93 . Did you know that Diane Pershing played Ivy ? " " O - of course , I am . That 's why I have the phone , " Lucy says as she laughs nervously . " MAD LOVE , the episode , was the series finale of the show , in January ' 99 . Dini and Butch Lukic made that one . " " Yes , it 's that one . More happens , though . " Lucy starts to get visibly excited as she explains . " You find out that her real name 's Harleen Quinzel and that she was a psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum before things went bad , which gives her the rare distinction of a villain who starts off there as opposed to ends up there . " " Uh - huh . Played poor Harleen like a fiddle , telling her what she wanted to hear so that she 'd fall for him . Then she snapped and became Harley . " Lucy pouts . " Then she gets pushed out the window . There was also a web cartoon series , GOTHAM GIRLS . It was cute , but one of the things that stands out the most to me is when Ivy gave Harley a Joker sex doll . " Willa can do nothing but finish her drink with a cough in disbelief . She then says , as Lucy refills her glass while trying not to get her very lopsided pigtails wet , " Time to take a break from the history lesson . What are some thoughts you 've had of her over the years ? " Lucy starts bouncing , stops pouring , and says , " I 'm so excited that I gotta pee ! " She sets the bottle down and scurries to the bathroom . " Be right back ! " Even though it 's her house and they 've known each other for most of their lives , Lucy turns the water on in the sink so that Willa can 't hear the obvious . As she sits alone , Willa slowly regrets finishing her drink so quickly . It 's gone to her head and , coupled with " Lovesong , " seems to bait her monster . The romantic confessional aspect of the song churns feelings that she thought she let go . That she wanted to let go . But how could you forget the love of your life in a week ? She hopes the monster goes away with the toilet flush , and tries to feel better with a sandwich made of chocolate and donuts . " Whew , " Lucy exclaims as she comes back , " I thought I wasn 't gonna make it ! It 's a good thing I 'm wearing a yellow thong , if you catch my … " She notices Willa 's change in mood . " What 's wrong ? " Lucy listens , then snaps as she agrees . " No shit . I didn 't notice that before . I guess you could say that about a lot of Cure 's songs . " Lucy would be shooting daggers from her eyes if her glasses wouldn 't turn it into a suicide accidental . Instead , she settles for something more petty . " I 'm taking the butter pecan . " Lucy continues , slowly digging a scoop like a drowsy woodpecker , " Harley and Jessica end up with their purple men by completely different ways . Like I said , Harley chose to be with Joker . He whispered in her ear , but it was her choice , in the long run . Oh , and I 'm not saying that Harley made the right choice by going with Joker . As you know , Jessica didn 't have a choice . Kilgrave 's morbid charisma made everyone his slave . " She says with a sick grin , " Which kinda makes Harley more twisted . Humans aren 't known for always making good choices , though , which is why so many women get beaten by their men . Sometimes to death . What Harley and Jessica go through could be seen as Stockholm Syndrome , but we know better , don 't we ? " Lucy repays the favor . " Drink your juice . " Willa obliges as Lucy eats her scoop , then sets the carton on the coffee table . Rubbing the chilly hand that held the ice cream on her thigh , she sits on the floor and continues , " Harley 's got a lot of problems . Being a doctor and Joker being her patient , there 's a touch of the Nightingale effect going on with her falling in love with him . Him looking like a clown makes her a coulrophiliac . I don 't wanna jump into her being an addict just yet , but I will say that she has a strong case of dependent personality disorder . She 's obviously a smart woman , so you gotta figure that a big reason she sticks with Mistah J is because turns off that part of her brain . She also might see him as a challenge . " " It 's an open secret that Harleen cheated her way through school , mostly by seduction . I can 't remember Joker ever getting horny . Harley does . You know how you 're at a bar or something and a guy hits on you and doesn 't get the point that you 're not interested and hits on you harder ? It 's kinda like that . " Giving her biggest genuine smile , Lucy says , " It 's usually the happiest people with the darkest side . " Not giving her friend a chance to process that fully … " Oh ! Speaking of chipper , I see Harley as a chipper Hannibal Lecter mixed with Charlie Chaplin and Bettie Page . In fact , I consider her DC Comics ' Bettie . " " I 've only seen this aspect of Harley used in a grand way towards the end of the comic series she had with Poison Ivy and Catwoman , GOTHAM CITY SIRENS , but it 's strange how everyone forgets that she 's a psychiatrist . Which means she knows how to get into peoples ' minds and manipulate them . At one point , she breaks into Arkham and plays mind games with a few guards with a rusty nail , some marbles , a plant , and a crowbar . " " When I get back , " Willa says on her way to the bathroom . Just before she closes the door on the disappointed Lucy , she adds , " You 're helping me a lot , y ' know . Taking my mind off of … him . Think of how you 're gonna explain Harley as an addict , and that whole victim culture thing . Sounds really interesting . " Something Willa can 't help but notice is how the room suddenly smells like apple as she relieves herself . The tiles on the walls have random designs on them , and to distract herself from her monster , she imagines things that they look like . A goat , a mountain range , an explosion , power lines , Japan . She finishes up while trying to figure out whether a particular design is a potato or a politician . " I 'll get to that soon , " Lucy growls . " Addict . Her . Bad times . Do you remember those plasma glass balls ? The ones you put your finger on and all the electricity goes to that spot ? " " Imagine that Harley 's one of those , and those bolts are her love reaching out everywhere and once one bolt finds someone , they all do . The energy has no choice BUT to , and it 's beautiful when it does . Joker 's the middle finger pressing against her , and it has no problem if the glass tips over and shatters . But the plasma doesn 't care . All it knows is that it has a spot for it to focus on . The finger goes away , the bolts are sent into chaos . The finger comes back , serenity . That 's Harley and addiction . " " Heh , it 's fine . " Lucy 's face turns slightly sorrowful . " I know that Joker and Harley have an abusive relationship . It 's the part of her I wish I could erase , but at the same time , it 's one of the most important parts of her . Especially now , it shows how strong she is because she 's able to finally walk away from it . Her getting pushed out a window is pretty dark , but I felt that the story was leading to that point . Being a Harley fan means that you see different interpretations of her . Sometimes , it 's handled with a beautiful tragedy , like in the issue of GOTHAM CITY SIRENS when Ivy heartbreakingly finds Harley 's obsessive shrine to Joker . And sometimes , it feels like the art team uses Joker and Harley 's relationship as an excuse to abuse women . " Her hand hovers over her phone . " There have been other examples throughout the years … but this is the one that screams in my mind . " She shows Willa this : " Yeah … The editor should 've stepped in . Alan Moore wished his did when he wanted Joker to shoot Barbara Gordon and … do things to her in KILLING JOKE . Do I think that Harley promotes victim culture ? In the wrong hands , maybe . In the right hands , she 's more of a cautionary tale . " " Kesel wrote the first Harley series back in the early aughts . Up until his last few issues , they were drawn by Terry and Rachel Dodson . " Lucy happily swaps the previous pic on her phone with a new one . " Tough , it 's mine , " Lucy declares . " It was a fun run . Everything you loved about Harley in the animated series got cranked up . She even ditched Joker in the first few issues . The guy who followed , A . J . Lieberman … I understood what he wanted to do , which was everything Kesel and the Dodsons didn 't do . He made her a more realistic character , and I appreciated that a lot and I liked how he handled her . But during his run , I saw that Harley works best when she 's a flashing neon sign . " Even though the faucet runs … even though it 's buried under a few pounds of leather a few feet away … Willa still hears her phone ring a tune she hoped to never hear again . Metallica 's cover of " Loverman . " Before she realizes what she 's doing , she 's already answered the phone and kneeling by her jacket . She can 't help herself . Love was so hard for her to get that she 'd leap at any opportunity to have it back . Even with him . Even after what he did . He tells her what she wants to hear , and her monster is pleased . It grows fat with each hollow syllable and greedy with each empty promise . Willa didn 't hear Lucy get close or notice that she took the phone , but she was so happy to have her as a friend after hearing her say those words , then hang up and toss the phone on the couch . " Thank you , " Willa whimpers . She repeats herself as she looks at the floor , ashamed at how easily she almost fell back into his arms . Lucy kneels next to her and holds her . " Shh … You 're still Willa , " her friend reminds her . They stay like that for a song or two , until Willa gets into a more comfortable position and says , " What about Conner and Palmiotti ? " Lucy replies , smiling , " You remember that Eddie Murphy bit about crackers ? How when you 're starving , a regular cracker tastes like a Ritz ? That 's how I felt about Harley in the first few issues of the Suicide Squad comic . Then when Ritz came along by way of her Conner / Palmiotti - penned self - titled book , I realized I 'd been eating regular crackers . Harley stories work best as character pieces instead of story pieces . They understood that , as did Kesel . " " Both were damaged goods because of assholes . In Ivy 's case , she was literally changed by hers . Back when she was Dr . Pamela Isley , she worked on plants with her unrequited love , Jason Woodrue . He forced her into an experiment , changing her into a human plant . He tinkered with the formula , then turned himself into Floronic Man . " " Heh , yeah . " Lucy continues , " Since teaming up , there 's been this ' are they / aren 't they ' subtext that Conner and Palmiotti make text in an issue . Essentially , they 're friends with benefits in an open relationship . I don 't think it matters , though . What I was always drawn to was their friendship . Whether they kiss or not isn 't important to me . " She takes down her pigtails and says , " Harley must be crazy for having these up all they time , they fucking hurt . " She continues , " Her director name was ' Alice Smithee ' and she kept killing Batman . Ivy kept jacking up the budget to fund their future crimes . Then Harley went mad with power … " " I know , right ? I 've gone on a media blackout with the trailers because I wanna be as surprised as possible . It 's been damn hard , in case you were curious . I saw what she looks like and heard who 's playing her , and I loved Margot Robbie in Z FOR ZACHARIAH . " I 'm glad so many people liked the bit of erotica poetry I wrote Wednesday . Back when I decided to create stories that weren 't typical and to focus on female characters , I didn 't want to restrict myself in any way . My creative urges veer towards the dark , but one thing I always wanted to make sure of was that whenever I chose to use sex , it would mostly be in a positive way . There 's enough stuff out there shaming people out of sex ( while at the same time throwing as much sex as possible at people [ psychiatrists wonder why Americans have problems … ] ) , I didn 't feel the need to add to that pile . Celebrate sex , damnit . Responsibly . And although I don 't mind writing sex , I can 't write something that 's purely sexual . By that , I mean that I can 't write just a sex act . There has to be more going on . One of the things I 'm proudest of about THE GRAVE OF LINDA SEWARD is that there 's a story along with fucking . Well … not so much a story as it is character stuff . But it 's great character stuff , I feel . I didn 't give them names , but I 'd like to think that you know the couple well enough . Another of my prouder achievements is not making the couple typically romantic . " I love you . " " I love you , too . " " This moment is so special to me . " " I know , it 's the same for me . " " Don 't let go . " " I 'll never let go , Darling . I 'll never , ever let go . " Fucking shoot me . That amorous interplay might 've been fine last century , last millennium , but love evolves . It 's not just about being lovers anymore . The person you 're with has to also be your friend . Otherwise , why bother potentially spending the rest of your life with them ? You should be able to have passionate sex with them as well as have fun . Be their shoulder to cry on and be their enabler . As I was writing the poem , I got the sense that the couple really liked each other as lovers and friends ( I 'm not nearly as " conscious " when writing poetry as I am when screenwriting , so lots of things surprise me ) and that kept me interested . I wasn 't in the room with the people who 've enjoyed it , but I 'd like to think that it was a reason they were interested , too . That and the oral . But that 's not what I wanted to talk about . Things are still on - track this year to make the film that I wrote , but that 's not what I wanted to talk about , either . I told myself to not talk about a project until I was knee - deep in it . Eating crow is a terrible thing . I won 't be directing the film that 's a - coming , but I wanted to stay productive until I write my opportunity to direct . So I decided to write a book of women - centric short stories . Some dark , some funny , some sexy , some philosophical , but always entertaining . The format of the short stories will jump all over the place , too . Some will be written normally , but I plan on doing other things like writing some as if they were letters . And writing some like epic poems like THE ILLIAD . Which brings me to something I 'd like to present to you . I love time - travel stories ( at least one reader knows how deep I am into all things DOCTOR WHO ) , but I feel that the potential for them hasn 't been realized yet . I have a few ideas and I felt that it was time to put my money where my mouth was . THE PAIN OF BEING MAN ( a barely modified Hunter S . Thompson quote ) is turning out to be an awesome behemoth . My intention was to write a seven - part poem over the course of seven pages . Well . The part I 'm about to share with you ( 3 ) ends midway on the eighth page . So , yeah , you 're in for a long read ( sorry ? ) . I think the only thing you need to know before reading is that the time - traveler 's name is Melody and that the time - travel device is a horn . Oh , and that I definitely wore my dark hat as I wrote it .
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Who knew that sleeping in the pile of gold would be so effective in controlling my raging emotions . The soft tinkling sound of the metal running over each other creating a lullaby to my ears . Even being smothered by gold and hiding underneath made me comfortable as I laid hidden beneath . Only my eyes lazily blinked slowly open as I took in the sight before me . Breathing underneath the gold is impossible , the circulation of air is low making it very difficult for me , so my snout poke out of the gold to breathe . I had stayed underneath for awhile . My mind was finally settling down from the hectic spiral of the unwanted noise of my thoughts . It wasn 't until now that my emotions were finally in check . Why did that man effect me so much ? It just didn 't make any sense at all . I was just Vera Lee on Earth and now I am Berry in Torren . There wasn 't much of a difference , or was there something more ? Was this really my body ? Was I really who Elcro said I was ? Myrin Drakel ? " I am Berry Drakel ! " I stood up and the coins trickled down my side . " Why am I so caught up in a name ? What he said is not true right ? What is this uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach ? Am I not Vera Lee the human in the past ? Did I really reborn or just get transferred into another world to inhibit someone 's body ? What is going on ? I wanted some answers . " My fist pounded onto the ground as gold splashed all around me . The tinkling sound of gold helped me calm down . I just didn 't know where this burst of anger was coming from . It was so alien that I did not fully understand if it was me or the dragon me ? Am I not Vera Lee ? Am I not Berry Drakel ? Or was I playing someone else this whole time , but didn 't know who I was in the beginning ? " Bah ! " My hands swiped across the piles of gold as the gold flew all over the place . What was I even worried about ? I am Berry Drakel a human that turned dragon . Right ? Why am I second guessing myself ? There shouldn 't be much change nor would it matter … Right ? I stuffed such a thought away . There was no change in my status menu , right ? I quickly pulled up my information in my mind just to make sure nothing has changed . See , nothing has changed . Not even my name , so I don 't know what Elecro was even talking about . Let 's not think to much about this whole ordeal . " I am Berry Drakel . " I growled . There was no change in that . Finally with my resolution made , I took a step out of the pile of gold and started to head towards the exit . My stomach rumbled , telling me that I needed to eat . I wasn 't sure how long I kept myself stuck in this room . My foot brushed against the mountain of gold , causing a small avalanche . Even my tail swept through , making it rain more gold to the side . Ah ~ I love the sound of gold , I could even taste the sweet apple in my mouth . Scooping up about five , I threw it in the air and snapped it up without allowing a single one drop onto the ground . A burst of sweet taste spread out throughout my mouth as the apple flavor washed through , dulling out the other senses . A swish of my tongues rolled the liquidated metal , and I took a gulp . My hunger for gold abated , I continue to walk forward . The door slowly open , letting a burst of air come through . A sweet and delicious aroma of food tickled my nose making my stomach rumble . In front of me was both Coco , Tart , and Moca standing on the side waiting for me . Tart pushes in a cart while Moca spread outs a foldable chair and table inside the room . They quickly got the food ready for me to eat . I shrunk in size and into my human form . " Young mistress . I was worried about you . You haven 't come out for three days , " said Coco . She anxiously gaze towards me , wondering what my mood would be like today . " I didn 't know that . " This was something to think about the next time I rolled around in gold . I wasn 't sure if I wanted my life to fast forward so quickly without me noticing . " I called you ? I 'm sure I didn 't . " I was confused at what she was saying . Moca pulled back the chair for me to sit , and I sat down . He spread out the silverware and napkin onto my lap and started serving the food in front of me . " Yes , young mistress . " Coco nodded . She was getting good at eating first , so she wouldn 't always eat with me at the same table . I knew she didn 't like to sit at the same table as me , thinking that it wasn 't proper . One day , I 'll get her out of that mindset . . All three of them were my family , and I felt lonely at times eating by myself . " As you wish . " Coco bowed . The others as well . I could see Moca 's lips curling up into a gentle smile as he watched me . " Me neither . Our little dragon is filthy rich . don 't understand why she would even need to go out and work with all this gold in here . " " No I 'm not . " Hearing the word greed stung my heart . " It 's dragon nature to hoard gold and eat it for dessert . " I picked up my utensil and started to eat the roasted chicken . " Nobody in the world has this much gold , Berry . " Phil sighed and he continued to make his way towards my table . " You really surprise me every day . What else do you have , hiding in this castle ? Wait , there 's no point in asking . " Don ran forward with a smile on his face . He jumped into the pile of gold in front of him . " I 'm rich ! I 'm rich ! " He manically laughed . " Don 't look at me like that . " Don pushed himself up . " I 'm not going to steal for real . I just wanted to try that out and see what it felt like . I don 't suggest anyone to jump in . It actually hurts , you know . I think I got a couple of bruise all over my butt and my arm . " He rubbed the side of his arms . The food that was halted in mid - air was once again headed straight into my mouth . I took a bite and enjoyed the exquisite taste of the food that Tart has prepared . He truly was a first class chef . Don got up and started to climb up on the mounds of gold . He picked around and found large jewels that were size of a soccer ball . " This is insane . " " I 'm not so sure if I could eat that . I haven 't tried yet . " I spoke , catching both of them off guard in what I said . " Eat this ? Are you kidding me ? Do you know how much this thing would cost . You could get a butt load of gold just to exchange this . What 's even better , this could even fund my whole project . " " I 'm not so sure that would be a good idea to sell that crystal on the market . " Phil spoke . " There going to ask questions nor do I expect the kingdom to even have enough gold to trade it . It 's worth a lot more trouble than you think . " Don face scrunched up with disappointment . " Fine . " He dropped it in front of him and it clatter against the gold . Something else caught his attention . A silver hilt poked out from the mountain of gold , he reached over and pull out it out . " What ? What is it ? " Don was glancing over towards Phil confused . " Come on , don 't keep me in the dark . I can see it 's a sword , but still , is it special ? " " That 's exactly what I thought too . " I spoke as I wiped my mouth . The whole time they were rummaging around , I finished my chicken and was moving onto the broccoli . " An apple brand ? What are you talking about ? This is the famous sword that had slayed the infamous Titan Doravo . Made from the purest mythril and created by the Dwarves . Then magically enchanted by the elder elves . They are not many swords like this anymore . Legend states that it would choose its master when the time arises . " Phil took the sword in Don 's hand , and he examined it carefully . " The blade is still sharp and clean . Not even a single blemish . How did you get this ? " Phil admiringly stated , he then turned to glance at me , taking in a deep interest in what I would say . " Hey , I 'm not that old . Plus , I didn 't slay anyone . . I haven 't even passed . … " Now I really didn 't know how I old I was . Should I say I was twenty - five or sixteen ? Or am I thousand years old ? " Uh … sixteen ? " " Well . … I mean i 'm twenty - five . You got me . " I placed down my fork . Ugh , I gave such sensitive information away . Being forever young . … impossible . " Holy cow ! There is another one ! " Don was having a field trip as he excitedly got on his knees and push through the gold to fish out another weapon , a scythe . He reached over , trying to touch it but was suddenly blocked by an invisible barrier . " Mockingbird . " Phil whispered under his breath . " Another item that was thought to be lost in history . The scythe that slew the ten thousand headed Hydra . The Hydra Kingdom will pay a fortune to hold this in their hands . So , this is where it has been all this time . " Don whistled . " Berry . I 'm going to say this again . You are one lucky girl . From wealth and now to two legendary artifacts . This is just insane . " " Not j - j - j - just two ? " Don voice dropped in disbelief . " So , you 're saying somewhere in here they 're more ? " He gestured his hands throughout the entire room filled with gold . Coco did a roundhouse kick , making Tart fall forward onto the ground silent . " Why don 't you just tell everyone how many things that she has why don 't you , you brat ? ! " She spoke with distaste towards Tart . I raised my hands to stop her . " It 's alright Coco . They 're not the type to spill out such information . Right , you guys ? " I examined their expression and body posture to see if they would move unnaturally . Even if a small flicker of movement or twitch , I was sure I was able to catch it with my dragon eyes that I had just switched into . " Don 't worry about it . It 's not like I 'm going to go slaying monsters anytime soon . " Don shrugged his shoulder as if he didn 't care . " I like what I 'm doing right now and I 'm not in a hurry to run outside and kill myself . No point in trying to get killed over some sword that I 'll probably use as a picket fence . " " I honestly wouldn 't say I am not interested in such a sword . " Phil stated , " Legendary swords choose their masters . Right now , in my hand , I feel nothing . Also , I 'm not the type to blatant speak about what you have to others . I don 't like trouble . " " See . " I glanced over towards Coco . " So far , they 're not going to do anything stupid . " Though , I wouldn 't completely trust Phil . He is a soon to be Demon Lord and who knows what kind of Demon Lord he will be . A glint of understanding dawned on Coco as her smile turned malicious . I suddenly had a very bad feeling when she gave off such a devious grin . " I understand young mistress . I will make sure nobody else knows . " " Oh . " I felt a bit stupid that I didn 't realize by now that this whole castle was my space . I was already learning something new every time I live here . Without a further thought , I followed her direction . Standing up , I moved away from the table , I thought of only the Legendary artifacts that were present in this room . The weapon in both Don and Phil 's hand glowed pure white . They zipped out of both their hands and floated over towards me . Other Legendary artifacts made its way out from under the gold and flew over . Seven majestic weapons of different colors and sizes danced in front of me and circled around me like a bird . I used my skill to identify all of the swords . A legendary weapon imbued with a fire element . Used in the battle against the legendary creature Phoenix . The great hero Doron bathed the weapon in the Phoenix 's blood . Doron was the one to smash through the core of the Phoenix fire and slayed the Phoenix . The weapon chooses the master to wield its great power . Only the chosen Dwarven Species will be able to pull out all of its power . Bone Crusher was a giant hammer that was completely jet black . On the hilt were three feathers that fluttered in the air . Red fire erupted all around it , making it difficult to even get close . A legendary weapon imbued with the power of the stars and the sun . An mysterious weapon that is created from a meteorite . It has the ability to increase or decrease its weight and chang shapes into a thinner sword and no other ability has been recorded . The weapon chooses the master to wield its great power . Starlight was a large sword that was half the size of a full grown man . Its edges were rough , but I could tell that it could still cut through a body just fine . Though this sword made me wonder how much power it had . It had a slight pull of energy that I couldn 't help but feel a bit drawn too . Legendary Holy Sword Gala A legendary weapon imbued with holy light . It has been once held by a legendary hero that slew a mighty demon , Leviathan . The weapon chooses the master to wield its great power . It was once held by the Great Hero from the Divine Species , Toekum . For forty days and forty nights , the Hero Toekum and the Leviathan fought till the Hero overcame the monster . Doused in the blood of the first Leviathan , it has the power to confront and slay its descendants . Only the chosen Divine Species will be able to pull out all of its power . Gala was a medieval type sword that had a beautiful sheen to it . One look , and I could tell that it was made by a master craftsman . I even noticed that they were additional information that I didn 't notice before till now . Known for its light maneuverability and quick speed , it has the ability to take on multiple opponents at once . Doused in the blood of the first Hydra , it has the corrosive ability of an acid that covers its whole blade . A brave Elven Hero , Regali wielded this scythe to kill the first Hydra in existence . The weapon chooses its master to wield its great power . Only the chosen Elven Species will be able to pull out all of its power . Mockingbird was a ghastly looking scythe that was made of bones and metal combined into one . I couldn 't help but feel uneasy . Why was the elven race so unearthly scary ? Where was the enchanting elves that I read about in countless stories ? Instead , this weapon was truly fit for a grim reaper . It wasn 't a typical bow and arrow , but a damn scythe ! This world truly blew my mind when it came to elves . A legendary weapon imbued with the power of the electricity element , its lightning fast arrows were known for its deadly accuracy . Doused in the blood of the Black Gryphon , it has a natural shock absorbent ability from thunder . The hero , Silver , slew the mighty beast . The weapon chooses the master to wield its great power . Only the chosen Beast Species will be able to pull out all of its power . Pulse was a elegant claw that were like golden gauntlets . It changed from a claw form into a bow . For some reason it did not want to stay in one form , but constantly shift one to another . I had to wonder why it would constantly move back and forth . Was the purpose trying to show that it could change from one to another or was it broken ? I was not sure . A legendary weapon imbue with the power of darkness . Created from the black magic , it has an ability to summon the undead . Hero Abigail struck her sword into the heart of the Black Dragon . From her action , the Black Dragon had cursed the sword and its wielder to fall into a temporary rage in battle . The weapon chooses the master to wield its great power . Only the chosen Human Species will be able to pull out all of its power . Laurel reminded me of a Japanese katana . Its slight bend and sharp edge made it look like it was sucking in the light and devouring it . I felt a very uncomfortable feeling from staring at this specific weapon . It was a Dragon Slayer weapon , and I had it in this room all this time without even realizing it . The thought of it possibly killing me in my sleep made me shudder . A legendary weapon imbue with the power of Earth . It has the power to create and destroy mountains . Its monstrous strength gives the owner one hundred times their normal strength . It has a natural nullifying ability to counter the Titan 's horrible smell . Hero Bo was the holder of this weapon . The weapon chooses the master to wield its great power . Only the chosen Orc Species will be able to pull out all of its power . " Bone Crusher , Starlight , Gala , Mockingbird , Pulse , Laurel , and Asphalt . " Phil 's voice was almost a whisper . He was in complete dazed as he saw all seven Legendary artifacts dangerously spinning around me . " These are artifacts are written in the ancient language of the Elves . I had studied for a brief moment about what they look like and do . The problem is how did it all end up here ? " All of a sudden , the seven weapons started to swirl quickly around me as they started to turn blindingly bright . Even I had to squint my eyes from the jarring light . Each and every one of the Legendary artifacts aimed its blades towards me . Frightened at the sudden predicament , I held up arms over my head as they flew straight towards me . Every single one of the Legendary artifacts disappeared into my body in a blink of an eye . " What just happened ? " Don cried out . He was hunched over and was slowly getting back up . " I swear , I almost went blind . Where did they disappear off too ? " He searched around , trying to find where they went . " Chosen ? Me ? " I was completely lost in what just happened . Nothing made any sense , nor did I understand why all seven artifacts disappeared inside me . " I - I 'm not sure . " " I read something similar like this , in stories , that I have read . " Don excitedly spoke . " Can you summon them out with your will or something ? That 's what happens when someone gets powerful or something . " " Um … Let me see . " I closed my eyes trying to feel out all seven of the artifacts that were inside , stored around my belly button . Each one had a warm tingling feeling and a light fiery glow around them . They each had a unique feel and even a fruity taste . At first , I tried to tug at the energy , hoping that it would do something , but it didn 't budge . Instead , all seven artifacts started to dangerously siphon off my energy into itself , causing me to bulk and fall forward . I didn 't understand what was going on nor could I stop the sudden lost of energy . The seven way split , to each of the artifacts , felt as if my soul was being shattered apart . I knew , I needed to stop , but I didn 't know how . " Young mistress ! " Coco cried out in worry as she saw me collapse onto my knee . She hurried over , trying to help me , but didn 't know what exactly to do . " Young mistress ! " Both Tart and Moca ran up to me in the hopes to help me out , but they were suddenly stopped as seven phantom weapons appeared around me , blocking them from even getting closer . Instead , they were shot backwards and crashed into the pile of gold . " What going on ? ! " Don panicked as he look towards me in worry . His stepped backwards , his hand up in front of him as the power radiated out of my body dangerously . " I - I don 't . … . know . … h . . o . . w . " My words were becoming a slur as I felt a heavy . Any minute now , I felt as if my body and bones would break from the crushing weight . Phil took another step forward , and a blast of energy shot out like waves towards Phil in attempts to subdue him . He didn 't falter and continued to step forward with pain riddled in his body . I could hear him groan from pain as he got closer and closer . Even I was having a hard time trying to keep myself from going unconscious . I was desperately trying to cut the thread of the my power from being siphoned completely off into each weapon , but not a single one would stop . The artifacts hungrily devoured the energy as if they were starving for centuries . My human body felt like it was slowly breaking apart at the heavy pressure . As Phil got closer , the artifacts spun around me like crazy . Each one , glowing with their respective colors , I felt a searing pain down my back from the hot energy that dripped off the artifacts . They reminded me of molten lava one second and the next they were cold as ice . A shocking pain shot through my spine , making me collapse onto the ground . The wind howled as if a hurricane had blew through . Gold , crystals , and small artifacts that I had never seen before flew around me like a tornado . I felt a burning sensation in my eyes as they changed into a dragon irises . The world around me fluctuated with different colors as I saw strange waves of energy around me . With all my might , with the little bit of sanity that I had , I reached out with my mind towards the floating colors of the energy . They were like long streams of yarn that danced around like waves . Each one different in color , and I knew what they were . My instinct took over as I threw out my conscious net to draw in these waves into myself . Every single elemental energy that was in the air was violently being drawn towards me . Each sparkle of colors disappeared and siphoned into my body and to the Legendary Artifacts . I could feel the hunger from the artifacts that wanted to even devour me . The room shook , making the lights flicker , the gold flood downwards , and even air tense with power . All the energy inside the room was gone in an instant and following after , I could hear a piercing hum that vibrated throughout my body . The artifacts stopped spinning around and stood absolutely still . The only thing that blocked Phil from coming forward was the black glowing sword , Legendary Sword Laurel . It fired off black fire balls of muck that fell in front of him and onto the ground eating away at the stone . The line was drawn between Phil and I , Laurel didn 't want Phil to get any closer . I was flat on the ground , unable to move , but stared with terrify expression . A wash of dark energy splurge out from Laurel and aimed directly towards Phil . My mouth couldn 't shout out towards him to run away and instead it completely surrounded him one go . An overwhelming weight of horror fell in my heart as the thought of killing Phil , because of the uncontrollably energy from the Legendary artifacts . It grated my soul that I couldn 't do anything but watch as Phil got devoured . Yes , I didn 't want him to become a Demon Lord , but that didn 't mean I hated him . Just as he was swamped with the the energy , a hand pushed forward from the mass of darkness . His whole hand was covered in black goo , he reached forward , and grabbed onto the hilt of Laurel . Suddenly , the whole room became still . The energy that was fluctuating from all the weapons even stopped as Laurel pulled back the black goo into itself , frightened by the intimidating aura around Phil . I could feel that all six artifacts disconnected with me and slowly went back to sleep , disappearing into my body without a single sound . The only one that stay out was the Legendary Sword Laurel , who was still in Phil 's grasp . A flash of black fire erupted around the sword , but it didn 't harm Phil at all . I felt queasy and weak . My body was not responding and all I could think of before I blacked out was the word , Shit . " Do you think she 'll be alright ? " Don whispered low . Trying not to wake me up , but he didn 't know I was awake . I didn 't want to open my eyes yet . I quietly listened to there conversation . " Yes , young mistress had a slight fever from that rough ordeal . I am thankful that she is alright . Her energy has stabilized and is slowly returning . I never seen this happened before . " Coco replied worriedly . " Yes , I am . Tart , Moca , and I have only been next to young mistress for a short period of time . We don 't really know much about her past . " Coco voice felt strained . She was gently wiping the sweat off my head with a towel . " So , you know nothing about her background . " Phil 's voice cut through the quiet catching me off guard . I didn 't expected that he was here too . The last thing I remember was seeing him , holding onto Laurel 's hilt , when it burst into black flames . Wait , Laurel is still out ? I tried my best to open my eyes , but it felt like there were weights hanging off each eyelid . I was finally able to open them up and slowly turned my head towards Phil . It took a lot more effort than I thought just to do a simple task . " I feel horrible too . " I couldn 't help but croak out those words . My eyes traveled around , trying to find the Legendary Weapon Laurel that I last saw in Phil 's hand . It finally saw the sword , leaning next to Phil by the chair that he was sitting . " What is Laurel even doing out ? " " Did you get chosen ? " I couldn 't help but feel a bit threatened now . Phil has the Dragon Slayer . My throat tightened , and I gulped . Damn . Curses were flung around in my mind like a hurricane . The one thing I wanted not to happen was giving him Laurel , the Dragon Slayer . This is to coincidental . He was given the one thing that can kill me , and he was the Death Flag that herald my possible end made it ten times worse . A horrible sinking feeling could be felt in the pit of my stomach and all I could do was wish that the weapon would just disappear . " I 'm sorry ? " I had a mix of expressions . Happy that it was not in Phil 's hand but at the same time not sure if what I did was the right thing . Laurel choosed her master , and I could already feel the pull of Laurel wanting to come out back into Phil 's hand . " Well , it 's no problem actually . There is no point in using it now . There isn 't any dragon to slay at the moment . " My lips twitched at his response . It wasn 't a definite answer , stating that he would kill me at the same time there was a chance that something could happen . Unconsciously , I slipped a tendrils of chains around Laurel trying my best to keep it at bay . It was already a struggle in itself to keep it quiet as it raged even harder . Not only that , Laurel was actually siphoning up my powers as if its was charging all of its lost energy . Shakily sitting up , I tittered for a moment till I stabilized myself . " Look . " Phil leans over . " It 's not going to be my first option I use to stop you . I have my morals and I don 't feel as if you are a threat . Honestly , I would try other method first and if all else fails , yes . " I was quite . All I could do was keep myself from not holding my breath in too long . I had to breathe , but the stress from his words made me very uncomfortable . Damn . Thinking about all this made my head hurt . " I won 't call for Laurel . So don 't worry . " Phil tried his best to reassure me , but it only gave me a slimmer of ease . Instead , when he called out her name I felt a forceful tug that made me have to reel the weapon in . Biting my lips , I tried my best not to show the strain on my face as I battle to ease Laurel . " Though it makes me wonder , can you use them ? " " No . " I flat out denied . I knew now that I had no say in the usage of the weapons . Not one of them listened to me , and all of them just stay silent as if they were dead . They even siphon up my energy like a starved child , making me weak . Every one of them had a heartbeat of their own as if they were alive . Each slowly , becoming stronger and stronger . Honestly , I felt like a magical storage space that holds items . " I 'm a damn outlet . " I mumbled underneath my breath . " I wouldn 't say I 'm upset because I can 't use it . I 'm more upset that I 'm being used as a power source and a container . I don 't understand what 's happening and I need answer . Why is this happening to me ? What did I do wrong to be deserve this ? " I gripped the edge of the bed , rolling up the blankets in my hand . " I am calm . I 'm very calm . " I could feel my emotions raging at me telling me that I shouldn 't contain this for too long , but I knew it was a bad idea to let everything out in one burst . " I decided . I 'm leaving . " I shook my head . " No . I 'm going to search for my origin . I need answers and staying here isn 't going to help me . " Pulling back the covers , I placed my feet on the cold floor . " I 'm going with you . " Phil spoke . I turned towards him , wondering why all of a sudden . " I get the feeling you will need me and I need some answers as well , though right now , I believe you will need more rest . You don 't look so good " I waved my hand in front of me , telling him that I was fine . Then I turned to Coco . " Coco . I leave this castle to you . I know I 've only been here for a couple of days , but I expect you to take care of this place . I know you will do well . " " No . I 'll leave today . Staying cooped up in here makes my brain rattle with more questions than answers . One more second laying down , and I think I might go crazy . " I felt a weight on my shoulder . I realized I promised the twins that I would stick around and help out with teaching and , at the same time , learn a bit more about magic . My mediocre ability wasn 't even considered intermediate . I only knew a handful of magic spells and the rest were instinct . " We might want to plan this a little more , Berry . The Black Gryphon is still out there roaming around . " replied Phil , trying to dissuade me from doing something stupid . " I didn 't think about that . " I sighed . There was a high chance the Black Gryphon was still out there with the intent to do me more harm for stuffing it in a crystal . " Then a change of plan . I might be able to get question from someone . " " Divine ? Why did you both shout at the same time ? Is there something wrong ? " Don asked with curiosity as he stared at both of them back and forth . " No , but why are you so nervous ? Everyone in this city thinks that we came back from the Divine 's Country , so there probably think they 're a couple of them roaming around . Seriously what 's the big deal ? " " Young mistress . You need to be wary around a Divine being . They aren 't to be easily trusted . When they speak , they may mean something else entirely . Plus , they are considered the most powerful species in existence . A human doesn 't compare to a Divine . " " Well in a sense they kind of are . The strongest of their kind personally went head - to - head with the other Legendary Creatures in the past , but they weren 't able to kill the other five . One Divine soldier equals over 1 , 000 human soldiers and to kill them is really difficult . " " No . Though they are quite a mysterious group of beings . Compared to the elves they live the longest and they 're even more exclusive and secretive . So far , there hasn 't been a single Divine walking outside of their Kingdom . They don 't like to mix themselves with the other species . " " Are you serious ? You 're just going to up and leave with a stranger ? " Don asked with disbelief . " Haven 't your parents ever told you not to go with a stranger ? " " He got a point . " Phil doubly agreed with Don , making me feel a bit slighted . It wasn 't my fault , but that damn title brought trouble at every bend in my life . I went silent for a moment realizing what he meant . " No . " My shoulder slumped . I ran away from Elcro , so for sure I wouldn 't know where he lived .
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I 'm going to try not to get too deep in this review . After all , this is a sitcom . But I watched Black - ish and I wasn 't quite sure what to make of it . I loved the trailer and laughed out loud when Dre 's son Andre ( Andy ) came home and wanted to have a bar mitzvah and change his name to his hebrew one ( either Shlomo or Shmoole … which I 'm probably butchering the spelling . ) I loved the instant chemistry between Anderson and Ross . In a 2 minute trailer , I totally bought them as husband and wife . So I was very excited for this premiere . But then I watched it all and for the most part I liked it but I do have a bit of " Mike and Molly " fear for this show . Shows like this , where they push racial and cultural boundaries , are always interesting because it can insight passionate responses from viewers … both good and bad . I 've already seen lots of comments on this about how " white people won 't understand the humor " and " this show is racist and offensive " etc , etc . I think everyone needs to take a deep breath . In the simplest of terms , this show is about an African - American family living a hugely successful life ( Dre is a SVP of his company and Rainbow is a surgeon ) in the suburbs yet still trying to stay true to their roots … at least Dre is . Now he has to remind the rest of his family how important that is as well . The cast is led by Anthony Anderson , Tracey Ellis Ross , and Laurence Fishburne . But my favorite so far is Marcus Scribner 's Andre Jr . That kid had the best lines and best material in the pilot . First with the bar mitzvah . He also wants to be called Andy ( because it shows he 's edgy yet approachable ) , play field hockey , and hold onto his first boob ( vs . holding onto his roots . ) I loved that kid . And like The Goldbergs last year , I instantly felt like this was a family . The chemistry between all of them was evident right off the bat . This could be a groundbreaking show . The kind of show that families can watch and have a great discussion about afterwards . There are many people who argue , that shows like that don 't work on network TV any more . Well , maybe not . Unless it 's a well written , well thought out show that has the abilities to push the boundaries with humor to bring real conversations to the forefront . And Black - ish has the potential to be that show . I already have tons of questions . I can 't directly relate to the internal struggle of an African - American man who came from a tough background to raising his family in the type of environment that was better than his and how he balances raising his children in a color free world yet staying true to their cultural heritage . There is no way I can ever completely understand that . But I 'd like to understand it better than I do now . And I 'm curious to watch it and learn more about it . For example , the one part of the show where I raised my eye brow was when Dre was upset that his daughter didn 't want to hang out with the only other black girl in the school and that she didn 't even refer to her as the " only other black girl in the school . " His daughter responded by saying " I don 't know . When I hear Liza Jackson I think of meatballs and turkey burgers . " Isn 't that a good thing , that she didn 't see the color of her skin ? Why was Dre so upset ? I don 't understand . I feel like the way his kids were talking about Liza is exactly the way you want them to talk about her … as a little girl , not a little black girl . I would think so . Look at how upset Dre was with his promotion . He was hoping to break down barriers at his company by becoming the first black SVP . But not the first black SVP of the " Urban Division . " It took something away from the promotion for Dre and I do understand that . But if your goal is to break down barriers then why drive the " blackness " so hard at home with your family ? It 's that the exact opposite of what you 're trying to achieve ? It 's But my " Mike and Molly " fear is that I don 't want the show to be all about " black " jokes . With M & M , I didn 't want the show to be all about " fat jokes . " Initially it was and then it toned down and went to everyday comedy with the fat jokes coming every once in a while . The pilot of Black - ish was very heavy - handed with the jokes about fried fried chicken being too black for Rainbow ( who is mixed race ) and " if I 'm not black enough can someone tell my hair and my ass . " That 's all well and good but I hope they tone it down and it 's more background humor than the front and center humor . I know that 's kind of the premise of the show but I think that humor can still be part of the show maybe not just every joke … . like M & M was with the fat jokes . It gets old after a while . And I think this cast deserves to be more than one trick ponies because they 're pretty fantastic . We are a little superhero crazy right now . Last year we had Arrow ( in its second season ) and Marvel 's Agents of SHIELD ( first season . ) This year we have four more coming … The Flash , Constantine , iZombie , and now Gotham . Is it too much ? I guess we 'll have to see . Like anything , too much of a good thing can be a bad thing . We really didn 't need 3 different CSIs , 3 different NCISs , 2 Criminal Minds , 10 different reality talent competitions , etc . So will the comic / superhero genre be too much ? We 'll see . In my opinion as long as they are good shows , it makes so difference to me . And I would argue Gotham isn 't in the same realm as the other comic book shows . Gotham is an origin story . This is not a Batman story , in the present form as we know Batman . In fact , Bruno Heller ( the man behind The Mentalist and others ) has already come out and said , we not see the Caped Crusader . That makes me happy . There are so many movies about Batman , I don 't need a TV show about him … . unless it 's different . Gotham is different . As I said before , Gotham is an origin story . What does that mean ? It means we get to see characters we are familiar with ( and some we don 't ) before we really knew them . A prequel if you will . But this isn 't the story of how Batman becomes Batman . At least not directly . This is the story of the man who helped define the future Bruce Wayne and the city that Batman fiercely protects . In a way , Gotham is very much the central character of the show the way New York City was for Sex and the City . But Gotham 's central protagonist is rookie Detective Jim Gordon ( future Commissioner James Gordon ) played by Ben Mackenzie who 's first real crime to solve is the murder of Tom and Martha Wayne , parents of Bruce Wayne ( our future Batman . ) The Waynes are the wealthiest family in Gotham ( so I 'm not sure why they were walking down a dark alley at night but that 's another story . ) So when Gordon and his partner Harvey Bullock ( Donal Logue ) are sent to the crime scene , Bullock wants no part of it . Gordon goes over to talk to Bruce , who witnesses the crime , and connects with him instantly . Scenes like this are why I love origin stories so much . You know how this relationship eventually evolves and what their relationship is in the Batman world as we know it today . But we 've never seen how it all started . We were told , but hearing it and seeing it are so different . It 's a great look into the history of this friendship . Gordon opens up to Bruce to let him know he knows what he 's going through because of the death of his father at a young age . He promises him he 'll find out who did this and bring them to justice . We are introduced to a plethora of characters throughout the pilot most of whom we already know … . . Selina Kyle AKA Catwoman ( Camren Bicondovra ) , Oswald Cobblepot AKA The Penguin ( Robin Lord Taylor ) , Edward Nygma AKA The Riddler ( Cory Michael Smith ) , Ivy Pepper AKA Poison Ivy ( Clare Foley ) , Barbara Kean AKA Mrs Barbara Gordon ( Erin Richards ) , and is it possible the stand up comedian at Mooney 's establishmenWith all the characters we met that we have some familiarity with , two of the most interesting to me was the one who I knew nothing about and who was brand new … . Fish Mooney ( Jada Pinkett Smith . ) Maybe it was the way Smith was playing her but I found her to be sinister , hard ass , a bit terrifying , and incredibly enjoyable . Mooney is one of the big crime lords in Gotham and is fortunate enough to have some of the cops ( like Gordon 's partner ) in her pocket for protection . But when Mooney thinks Gordon and Bullock didn 't fall in line with her way of doing business , she had them scheduled to be killed . Not to mention , when she finds out the Cobblepot snitched on her , she comes down on him with a violent fury , just short of killing him . Don 't pee in her Cheerios . But someone even scarier with stronger , more powerful ties in Gotham saves their lives . That man is Carmen Falcone , head of the Gotham City mob with a connection to Gordon 's father . We learn that Falcone and Gordon 's father ( the former DA of Gotham ) were actually friends . I wonder how much of that is actually true vs . Falcone 's interpretation of their arrangement . But this scene ( among others ) is where we learn why Jim Gordon will have a rough go in Gotham and why the Caped Crusader is eventually needed . Falcone has everyone in his payroll … . cops , lawyers , politicians , you name it . Falcone runs the city . In his own twisted way , he loves the city and vows to protect it at all costs . Protect it from whom ? I would say from naive , doe eyed cops who want to " clean up " the city from crime and corruption . " You can 't have organized crime without law and order . I love this city and I see it going to hell . I won 't let it go without a fight " Falcone informs Gordon . In Falcone 's mind , the cops are a necessary part of his business model . However , he expects those cops to fall in line with HIS sense of order and justice . Falcone being as smart as he is realizes that Gordon is a good man , like his dad . He 's honorable , a straight shooter , and soWhile a lot happened in this episode , the big thing that stood out to me was how well cast this show is . Mackenie is perfectly cast as Gordon . He has the rugged toughness you need to be a top cop in a tough town but he also has the righteous , superior aura that certainly divides the good guys from the bad and highlights the ones in the middle , like Bullock . But how long can he hold onto these high ground morals while trying to clean up the city from the inside of a department wrought with corruption and fear ? Will it break him ? You have to think no because we know he does become the Commissioner . But just because he rises through the ranks , doesn 't mean he hasn 't had to change who he is to some degree for the greater good . So I 'm looking forward to seeing that evolution over the course of the series . Another standout from the show was Robin Lord Taylor as Cobblepot / The Penguin . He was brilliant . He was pathetic and creepy and sad and murderous . You watched him transform from a weak , desperate to be accepted henchman for Fish Mooney to disgraced outcast with an ax to grind against all who wronged him . When you have a show based on a hugely popular comic story and as well a massively successful movie collection over the course of many years , people can have preconceived notions of how characters should look , sound , and act . I try very hard not to have those when I go into a show like this and for the most part it 's easy because everyone is so much younger in Gotham from when we come to know them in Batman . But for characters like The Penguin , The Riddler , possibly The Joker who are old enough to still have early insights into the characters they will become , that we already know , I think it 's much harder for those actors vs . Selina Kyle who is really just a baby at this point . Taylor pulls it off superbly . Logue 's Bullock will be the one to watch for me in the sense that I 'm not sure what to make of him . He can easily come across as the prototypical disgruntled veteran cop who hates everyone and life Having said all that , in the simplest of terms , Gotham is a cop procedural with a cast of characters we are well aware of . I really don 't think of this as a superhero show the way I do Arrow or probably will when I watch The Flash . This is a cop show … like Castle . Except instead of a precinct and villains we don 't know , Gotham has a precinct and villains we mostly do know . However , we don 't know them in these current forms . We know what they become . The fun part will be watching how they get there ! CBS 's opening night of the new TV season kicked off with a bang with the series premiere of Madam Secretary ( MS ) and the return of The Good Wife ( TGW . ) I 'm just going to throw this out as a suggestion CBS . Instead of saying Madam Secretary starts at 8pm and TGW starts at 9pm and then the DVR sets it up for 8 : 30 and 9 : 30 and then CBS puts up the ticker at the bottom saying they are starting at 9 : 04 and 10 : 04 respectively , how about we do this instead . When the NFL games on CBS are over , run a quick post game show on CBS . Run it until 8pm . Maybe it 's 45 minutes , maybe it 's 15 minutes . Just run it and then start 60 minutes at 8pm , MS at 9pm , and TGW at 10pm . It 's pretty simple . That way , you aren 't messing with people 's shows or DVRs . I 'm just suggesting … and I think it 's a good one . But even though I had to wait over an hour for the premiere of MS , it was well worth the wait . Madam Secretary showcases the return of Tea Leoni to TV as Dr . Elizabeth ( Bess ) McCord , a former CIA analyst and current professor at the University of Virginia . When the current Secretary of State 's plane goes down and is killed , McCord 's former boss at the CIA ( and current President of the United States , played by Keith Carradine ) visits her at her home and offers her the position . POTUS trusts McCord because he hired her and trained her so he knows how she thinks and she won 't be anchored down by the politics of Washington . She has no political aspirations so she 'll just come in and do the job while bringing a different viewpoint to attack situations . Hence we get our first ridiculously cheesy line of the series … . " You don 't just think outside the box . You don 't even know there is a box . " Oh boy . Alright I can forgive that one . But let 's keep the eye rolling clichés to a minimum ok ? Two months later , the McCord family , including husband and fellow university professor Henry ( Tim Daly ) and her two children ( there is a 3rd in college who we 'll see in episode 2 ) move to D . C . and McCord works to insert her " non political " self into a very political world . Many current White House personnel aren 't so happy to see her including White House Chief of Staff Russell Jackson ( the ubiquitous Zeljko Ivanek ) and McCord 's Chief of Staff Nadine Tolliver ( the brilliant Bebe Neuwirth . ) Not sure why there is tension between Tolliver and McCord out of the gate but I guess we 'll learn more about that later . It appears though , the real tension over the course of the series will be between Jackson and McCord . He 's obviously the Chief of Staff because he 's good at his job and there is a trust factor with the POTUS . Or , maybe there is something more sinister there , a little Frank Underwood / Doug Stamper - ish . But more on that later . In addition to Tolliver , McCord has her personal aide Blake ( Erich Bergen ) and communications team Matt ( Geoffrey Arned ) , Daisy ( Patina Miller ) , and Jay ( Sebastian Arcelus . ) Her first major crisis is the rescue mission of two teenaged boys who accidentally crossed over from Turkey into Syria and are about to be executed by the Syrian government . Already you see McCord wanting to handle the situation one way with Jackson wanting to handle another . I 'm not sure if it 's because he believes his way is the right way to handle or because he wants to send a message to the SoS that he 's the final decision maker in these matters , not her . Based on a conversation that happens later in the episode in the oval office , I wouldn 't put it pass Jackson to have some collateral damage as a result of making his point to McCord and sleeping just fine about it . Until we learn more about him , it 's too soon to prognosticate . They go with Jackson 's idea and it fails . So McCord enlists a gentlemen she has connections with to go in through back channels to get the kids out . It works and the kids are brought home safe and sound . Before she pulls this trigger , she goes around Jackson right to the President to lay out her plan ( only giving him as much information as he needs to give the go ahead ) and he tells her that she better be right or she 'll be fired . At the end of the episode , she receives a visit from Jackson obviously aware she went around him to secure the rescue of the kids and he isn 't happy . He " forgives " her but he warns her that he only forgives once and that he isn 't the type of enemy she wants to make . " I make a better ally than opponent " he warns her . " Same here " she suggests right back . As McCord is getting up and running , one of her former CIA colleagues comes to her house to discuss what happened to the former Secretary of State , Vincent Marsh . George finds out Marsh was laundering drug money in off shore accounts and was by all accounts a pretty shady , bad guy . However , what scares George is that the plane crash was an orchestrated attack on Marsh , not an accident and that the directive came from inside the White House . McCord isn 't sure what to make of this little revelation and George leaves . It 's almost a forgotten about conversation until after the King of Swaziland dinner , McCord goes back to her office to find Henry there . He informs her that George was killed in a one car wreck where his car ran into a tree . Immediately , Elizabeth knows this isn 't an accident and I think she 'll start taking what George said more to heart . What does all this mean ? Someone inside the White House isn 't playing nicely with others . The reason why this show works for me right away , is that this isn 't a " case / disaster of the week " show . Sure there are going to be situations McCord and her team will be dealing with , otherwise what 's the point . But it works because this show highlights a strong , intelligent woman who is managing an intense department in a highly political environment while she , herself , is the furthest person from rank and file . You also get to see the self - conscious side of McCord where she questions if she 's doing right by the people in her life , both professionally and personally . So many times in shows like this , the strong , sharp woman is a bitch on wheels with no care for anyone or anything . But not McCord ( or her Sunday night partner Alicia Florrick . ) McCord is very respectful of her husband 's career and her children 's well - being . She realizes the sacrifices they are making for her to take on this responsibility . I respect that . It would be very easy to highlight McCord 's " fierceness " by blowing off her family 's concerns and basically rank her situation ahead of theirs . But she never does that . The writers and Leoni do an excellent job of showing how tough McCord can be without making her unreasonable or cold . You also see this in her work life where she needs to stand up to people in a much higher rank than her and she 's trying very hard to be respectful of those circumstances yet convey her beliefs in a firm and unyielding manner . I like that while there is no doubt of McCord 's intelligence and self - confidence , she also is apprehensive and vigilant at times when she isn 't quite sure when to hold back and when to push . It shows a vulnerability that many women like McCord face . Just because you 're the best at your job or you excel at each responsibility you undertake , doesn 't mean there aren 't times when you don 't question yourself and your decisions . Especially when making life and death decisions ! The interesting part for me is how long McCord will be able to hold onto her morals andConspiracy time ! ! ! Let 's start with a baby conspiracy item first . I don 't think Henry is the loving husband we are being led to believe . Do I believe he loves his wife and family ? Yes . Do I think he maybe doing something ( or someone ) else on the side ? Yes . I think the scene where Elizabeth goes to see him in the library talking to a bunch of students is very telling . Henry is holding court and one of the female students is taking special exception to Mr . McCord … in the creepy context of a jealous girlfriend when his wife shows up . Why show what should be a pretty innocuous scene ? Because I think this is going to lay the ground work of McCord being so wrapped up in her work that she isn 't seeing what right in front of her and that is her husband 's affair . And maybe it 's not one affair but many . Maybe I 'm reading too much into it but I don 't think you show the jealous student for no reason . The second , more larger conspiracy … I think POTUS will end up being the Frank Underwood of the show . I wouldn 't be surprised if he was behind the murder of Marsh and puts McCord in the role because he thinks he can control her and because of her lack of political ambitions . The only reason why I can 't call this a stone cold lead pipe lock is because POTUS knows how smart McCord is . He also knows that because of her lack of political ambition , there is nothing to hold over her should she start figuring things out . So why would he put someone as sharp as she is , who could potentially figure out what 's going on , in this role ? It could backfire hugely for him . So I haven 't quite figured that out yet . Right now , we 're being led to believe Jackson is the man we have to watch out for . And you know what , I felt that way about Cyrus Beene and it turns out that yes , in fact , he is a monster . But I 'm not sure Jackson will be the boil on the butt of the White House . I think it 's too obvious . He could be the red herring with POTUS being the " Keyser Soze . " What did you think ? Are you all in on Madam Secretary ? I am . This cast is stellar , the story has promise and has tons of room to go in many directions , and it 's the perfect accompaniment to The Good Wife on Sundays . Because the story can go in many directions , I hope it doesn 't spiral out of control . But since this is from Barbara Hall , who is the same person who brought us the amazing Judging Amy and Joan of Arcadia , I am willing to be patient and see where this goes . Will you continue watching with me ? It 's hard to believe the new season has kicked off . And I 'm not going to lie , I don 't like when networks do these " special previews " and premiere shows outside of premiere week . One , I 'm not ready for it yet . Two , I usually forget the show is premiering because my mind has not kicked into that gear yet . And three , it loses some of the pomp and circumstance ( at least in my household ) of premiere week . It 's like the start of the NFL season . To me , the season starts the first Sunday of the season . 10 - 12 games are on the docket for the day ( usually my Eagles are one of those teams . ) I make my traditional chili , I get the beer chilled , my house is decorated in Eagles green , I have my Eagles jersey on , the phone is shut off , and I watch football for 10 - 11 straight hours . It 's awesome . The season doesn 't start on Thursday . I hate Thursday games . It 's one thing during holidays when nothing else is on but not every Thursday . So I can 't get excited about that Thursday game because that 's not the start of the season for me . Sunday is . The TV Fall Season is the same way . This isn 't premiere week . Next week is . I have nothing to do at night next week . I will have all my DVRs set up , I will have my schedule of what I 'm watching live and what I 'll watch on the DVR later . It 's amazing ! ! So I don 't know if it hurts or helps shows like The Mysteries of Laura ( TMOL ) to premiere early . In one regard , there is very little competition so you have a better chance of getting a solid audience . But that can also hurt you if your pilot isn 't the greatest but you build into your momentum and get better as more episodes come around . If the pilot is bad or iffy , you may have already lost people after one episode . It 's also a good thing because it 's been 4 - 5 months ( if you 're Sleepy Hollow 7 months ) since we 've seen our favorite shows so people are itching for something new to watch . And don 't give me the summer season has new shows now because there 's a reason those shows air in the summer ( netwTMOL stars Debra Messing as Det . Laura Diamond . She is one of the top detectives in her precinct struggling to juggle her job , her marriage , and her kids . Certainly not a new premise but one you hope due to casting , will have a new twist or new life breathing into it . And as much as I love Messing , this character is as cliché as they come . Her desk is a mess , her car is a mess , she 's late , she 's disheveled , and she 's unconventional . The problem is , none of this resonates with me . I don 't buy her as a detective let alone the best detective . Seriously , what detective goes to a home to investigate death threats and sits down with the guests and has cake and wine ? Even her captain when he is offered wine says " oh I really shouldn 't . " YOU THINK ? You are on duty aren 't you ? Isn 't there a rule about drinking and being on the job ? And this all happens after she shoots a perp in the ear while he 's holding a man hostage in the middle of a busy park . And she picks the ear that closest to the hostage instead of the outside ear . That 's great police work . Then there are her parenting skills . For an interview for a Pre - K school ( because her kids were kicked out of the other one ) she feeds her kids enough cough syrup so they are calm and almost asleep . She must have overdone it though considering her one son pukes it up . Then when her children are urinating on each other in public , instead of punishing them or freaking out OVER THE FACT HER KIDS ARE PEEING ON EACH OTHER FOR FUN , she asks politely asks them to stop . No wonder her kids are monsters . It also doesn 't help that her husband ( soon to be ex ) Jake ( Josh Lucas ) is just a big kid himself … but not in a good way . He 's not Jack Tripper in Three 's Company where he 's funny and goofy and slightly frustrating because he 's just a big kid but he 's so lovable you can 't be mad at him . Plus when he needs to buck up , he does . Jake isn 't close to that . He seems to shirk his parenting duties and when he is around his kids , he 's bringing them pizzThere was a case that I really didn 't care about . This phone mogul was receiving death threats and everyone ( except Laura ) thought it was the wife . Turns out it was Laura 's Captain ( Elias from Person of Interest ) who was the person who killed him because he was having an affair with his wife . Ok I 'll admit I didn 't see that twist coming but it fell flat because the rest of the case was so uninteresting . Because Captain Elias was obviously removed of his duties as captain of the squad . Guess who just so happens to be put in his place ? That 's right … Laura 's husband Jake . Which again , isn 't there something against spouses working in the same precinct let alone one reporting to the other ? I really wanted to like this show but I just didn 't . I like a lot of the cast , independent of this show , but they all deserve better than this . The writing is bad , the premise is worse , and there isn 't a likable character on the show . Not to mention this show doesn 't seem to know what they want to be . Is this a comedy ? Is this a dramatic cop show with some comedic elements ? Is it a family show ? And shows don 't have to be channeled into one vain or another … they can cross multiple angles ( which Castle does brilliantly . ) But this show doesn 't seem to have a direction . On top of that , I just can 't buy that Laura is so good at her job yet so awful a parent . Mostly because I don 't believe she 's as good a detective as we 're being told she is . Kate Beckett , Olivia Benson , Brenda Leigh Johnson … . those are good cops . Laura ? I guess shooting a perp with precision in the middle of Battery Park is supposed to indicate she 's the best of the best . Or really dumb and really lucky . I 'm not sure . But she didn 't come across as a confident , seasoned vet who commands respect in her squad . Add in the husband being forgettable and the kids being beyond disastrous , I have no interest in seeing where Laura goes from here and what her mysteries actually are . So that 's how it ends . The story of these 5 friends we have been following for 9 years has reached it 's conclusion and in some ways it 's exactly what I thought and in other ways , it 's nothing like I thought would happen . One thing is for certain , people will be talking ( and screaming ) about this finale for days to come . It was that kind of ending . I imagine most people loved it or hated it . Judging by the early comments , people LOATHED it . However I am not one of them . Was it my favorite finale ever ? Not even close . Was it as bad as Dexter 's finale ? Not even close . But enough with the broad strokes . Let 's dive into this and if you haven 't seen tonight 's finale , stop reading now and come back when you have . I have mixed feelings on this finale . There were parts I loved and parts I didn 't and parts I was indifferent about . But since this was a very polarizing finale , I can see how people would lean one way or the other . I mean come on . We just spent THE ENTIRE SEASON on the weekend of Barney and Robin 's wedding only to have them be divorced 20 minutes into the finale . Hence one of the parts I didn 't like . If you were just going to break them up , couldn 't we have spent , maybe , oh I don 't know , 6 - 8 episodes on the wedding weekend and the remaining 14 - 16 episodes on the aftermath and subsequent years and maybe a little more on Ted and Tracy ( Question # 1 answered … . Mother 's name is Tracy . ) In some ways I feel like I wasted 20 + episodes this season by having this build to a wedding that ultimately didn 't matter . I would have rather spent more time getting know Tracy a little bit more since technically the show is about her . It would have also made the scene where we learn that our fears raised in " Vesuvius " came to fruition … Tracy gets sick and passes away … much more powerful because we have been closer to her . Not to mention , since Ted has been searching for this woman for as long as we 've known him , it would have been nice to see Ted grieve the loss of his wife instead of it being mentioned as an after thought . But it just goes to show you how awesome Cristin Miloti is . I fell in love with her the minute I saw her . She was perfect for Ted . We got to see some snippets of that over this season , but not enough for my liking . But in the brief time we did get her , she made the most of it and made the audience fall completely for her the way Ted did . And maybe that was exactly the point . It 's pretty obvious this was the plan from the beginning . Penny and Luke ( Question # 2 answered … . the names of Ted 's kids ) who were played by Lyndsy Fonseca and David Henrie , had to film those scenes at the end of Season 1 because if the show lasted a long time ( which it did ) , they couldn 't show them aged on the cThere is something to be said for laying out a series game plan and sticking with it because that 's your vision and that 's the story you want to tell . But then I think you need to define how long that story lasts because to me , you can 't have it both ways . You can 't have a series go on and on and have the story and audience reaction to characters take you down a path you didn 't expect only to rip their hearts out later because it didn 't fit your original plan . If you have a plan , make a 5 - 6 year plan . But if you 're willing to let the story go where characters , actors , and / or fans take you , then you need to be flexible . Even though you filmed those scenes with Fonseca and Henrie way back when , you didn 't have to use them . It could have been something for the box set of DVDs " see what the writers originally planned to do ! ! ! " That 's good marketing people ! I guess that 's why I 'm so curious about not just the finale but the whole final season . If this was the plan you were sticking to , which I don 't mind as much as other people do , then WHY do an entire season on the wedding of a couple destined to fail ? Why try to cram the next 15 + years of stories and bombshells into 60 minutes ? The wedding could have been done in 6 - 7 episodes and then we could have had another 14 - 15 episodes to learn more about the mother , their relationship , her impending demise and Ted 's grief over that and how it impacted him . Because that is something I would have wanted to see . This is a man who has been searching for love his whole life . Since we 've known Ted , he 's a romantic and he loves being in love . So to lose the " love of his life " ( which now is up for debate ) and not see anything from the character on how that impacted him , I think strays from the true character of Ted . We were there when Marshall and Lily broke up and then got back together . We were there when Marshall and Lily got married . We were there when they debated about having children and then watched them bring Marvin , Daisy , and # 3 into As for the ending and the writers choosing to have Ted and Robin be together at last , that didn 't bother me as much as other people . After all , the show is " How I Met Your Mother " not " How I Spend The Rest of my Life With Your Mother . " Because for a long time , I really liked Ted and Robin together and was secretly hoping she was mother somehow and someway . But I also thought she was great with Barney in a lot of ways . Hats off to Cobie Smulders because that woman had chemistry with everyone ! And I 'm ok with the show runners giggling to themselves to have this be the rug the pull out from under us . As a fan of TV , I like when a show surprises me and throws a fun twist ( as long as it makes sense … . yes I 'm looking at you St Elsewhere . ) I mean , I was one of those people who would scream when they would revisit the Ted / Robin pairing over the course of the series because ultimately we know they don 't end up together . So what was the point right ? Well , now we know . Now we know why after determining they aren 't right together , bad timing , hook ups , break ups , dating , not dating , longing looks … . . it was all because they were meant to be together . And while I 'm ok with that , I still have to raise my eyebrows at a few things . First , why have that ceremonial moment on the beach with Robin and Ted where Ted finally let 's Robin go ? Because if you 're still going to have a thing for her after all this time , then you haven 't let her go . It also made me think , if you 're really over her , then why are you moving to Chicago ? And since the writers knew this was the path , why have that scene ? Second , why did Robin need to be with Barney ? I mean she married one of his best friends . Couldn 't she have just been the career person now and that 's why she couldn 't be with Ted as well as Ted meeting Tracy ? If the answer is because they needed a wedding to get Ted to meet Tracy and to show with Barney 's character that being married really isn 't for him … . fine . He could have married the stripper girl he wUltimately I wanted closure for my Fab 5 . And whether you liked it or not , that 's exactly what you got . Marshall and Lily are back in NYC with baby # 3 and Marshall finally got to be a judge after giving it up for Lily in 2014 . I had no doubt Marshmallow and Lily Pad would have a solid , happy ending because they have been solid since the pilot . Even with all their ups and downs , NO ONE ever doubted that these two would be together forever . In my mind , they were the heart and soul of the show , especially Lily . As for Barney , he went back to being single and finally told his friends what I thought he should have said years ago … . that basically he 's not the settling down type of guy . He likes having throngs of women coming in and out of his life with no commitment . It 's who he is and he 's very happy like that so as his friends they should accept him for who he is and be happy for him . And they were . But after the perfect month ( LOL ) Barney finds out he got Day 31 pregnant . Actually I 'm surprised this never happened before with all the girls he 's slept with over the years . While in typical Barney fashion , we don 't know the mother 's name and he really wants no part of this , he gets introduced to his new baby … . a girl … Ellie . Turns out Barney is a one woman guy . It just so happens that the woman in his life , the love of his life , is his baby girl . And the always amazing Neil Patrick Harris just completely blows this scene away and gives us one of the most beautiful moments on the show when he tells his daughter the following : I mean come on . If you are crying after that you have to be a little dead inside . It was such a beautiful moment . The other fantastically beautiful moment in the episode was when Ted and Tracy met for the first time on the Farhampton train tracks . Talk about a meet cute ! ! ! It was so sweet and a great nod to many of the clues dropped over the years … the mom being in the Econ 305 class Ted accidentally thought was his Architecture 101 class , her being Cindy 's roommate , losing the yellow umbrella on St Patrick 's Day … . it was perfect . Then the reveal of her name , Tracy McConnell , because the initials T . M were on the umbrella and Ted and Tracy " fought " over whose initials they really were . I loved it . It was everything I could have imagined for their first meeting and more . And I did like the ending . Since they decided to stay the course and put Robin and Ted together in the end , I think they wrapped it up well with Robin being in her apartment with the same breed of dogs , Ted being downstairs , Robin opening up her window to see him ( with the dogs peeking out ) and Ted shows her the Blue French Horn . Again , a great nod to the pilot to have everything come full circle . Look , I know many people are disappointed in how this turned out . No one wanted to see Tracy die and Robin be back in the fold , except for the die - hard Ted and Robin shippers . I think a lot of people feel duped . And that 's why the finale is a hard one to wrap my head around because you can look at it a few ways . You can look at it and say that if that was the plan all along , ok . I applaud the writers sticking to their guns and telling the story they wanted to tell . There are many people out there with an early idea of a show but then let it just roll and see where it goes with no real end game . Not these guys . So I respect that . There are still lots of things I would have done differently but overall , I can 't be unhappy with how everything resolved itself . Especially since this is something that happens in the real world … . people fall in love with multiple people all the time . People lose their spouse and reconnect with old flames … it happens . In the end , Ted got what he always wanted and I think people want to see that for his character . OR … you can look at it and say , WHAT THE HELL WERE THESE GUYS THINKING ? Once the show went longer than expected , once you see how the actors ( Smulders and Radnor & Smulders and Harris ) played off of one another and their chemistry , once you see the audience 's reaction to story lines … . change it ! ! ! You don 't have to stay the course if another one , a better one ( matter of opinion ) presents itself . Maybe they felt backed into a corner with the " and that 's how I met your Aunt Robin " line . Maybe because the kids reaction was filmed 9 years ago , they felt they had no other choice but to end the story this way . But these guys were creative and smart and I think could have figured out a way around it . Hell , they could have put an aged Fonseca and Henrie on the couch and said " Jesus dad . That story took so long , we aged 20 years ! " Maybe they didn 't want to . Ultimately , I hope the 60 minutes of last night ( and even this last season ) doesn 't put too much of a dampSo what did you think ? Did you love it ? Hate it ? Confused by it ? Content with it ? I 'd love to hear what you have to say ! WOW . What a season . This show brought story telling and acting to a whole new level and the finale certainly didn 't disappoint . I know there were so many wild and crazy theories out there about how this was all going to go down . Ultimately , I didn 't care . And I don 't say that in a dismissive sense . I say it in a respectful sense . Nic Pizzolatto has told such a glorious story from start to finish that I wasn 't concerned with where it was going because I trusted that it would end as it should … . and it did . With so many people speculating as to who the Yellow King was and how all this tied together , it 's easy to get caught up in the prognosticating . But in my humble opinion , the point of the narrative is lost if people only focus on the " who done it . " This show is not Criminal Minds or CSI or even Castle . It 's not about solving who 's the killer at the end of the arc . It 's not about trying to put the pieces together to figure it out . It 's about the story of these two dark , broken men who are solving this crime and how this case has impacted their lives and their journey together as partners and eventually , friends . Now don 't get me wrong , I still wanted to know who the damn Yellow King was and why / how this all happened . But I wasn 't as curious about that as I was to see how the resolution impacted Marty Hart ( Woody Harrelson ) and Rust Cohle ( Matthew McConaughey . ) I wanted , more than anything , for this story line to come to a resolution for their characters . To wrap up their characters ' arcs . See , when you look at this show , they could have been anything … . truck drivers , CPAs , tennis pros , salesmen … it didn 't matter . Whatever their profession , the story revolved around how these two men came to be both as individuals and as partners . It just so happened that they were detectives solving a crime that personally connected with both of them ( for different reasons ) and that was the catalyst to help them work through their inner demons and move away from the darkness and towards the light . And they needed each other to do it . Marty 's biggest issue was trying to be , in the most benign of descriptions , " the man . " Both at work and at home , Marty wanted to be everything to everyone . Master of his domain . And the harder he tried , the more he went in the opposite direction … whether by his own doing or as the result of someone else 's decisions . At work , he was the guy everyone liked , but maybe not always respected . When he partnered with Cohle he wasn 't happy about it but to appease him , he was told he was the lead , the point man for all cases . Eventually , after several years , that really just became a title with no meaning behind it because everyone knew that Cohle was the one solving the crimes , getting the confections , making the arrests . Marty was just the paperwork pusher . Instead of being the lead dog , he was the ultimate lap dog . Reduced to nothing more than administrative assistant to Cohle . At home , his daughters couldn 't stand him and didn 't want to be around him and his wife ( because of her own frustrations at being married to a man with such little inner strength ) could be quite the ball crusher when she saw Marty asking and speaking in ways that were less than authoritative . He could be meek and timid and that frustrated her . Marty 's solution ? Start banging all these younger versions of his wife to make himself feel like a man again . In the end , albeit way too late , Marty realized that he pushed away the one woman he really loved , destroyed his relationship with his daughters , and is now left with nothing . Or is he ? Rust is the complete opposite of Marty . He never cared about being " the man . " All he cared about was justice . No one liked Rust . No one understood Rust ( no one cared to . ) And Rust didn 't care . He was on a mission … to seek justice for Dora Lange and the other young children who were kidnapped , raped , and murdered . And he could go after these thugs with reckless abandon because he doesn 't care if he loses his life in the battle for truth . It was that way when he was undercover ( and probably why he stayed as long as he did ) , it was that way when he went undercover again with the Iron Crusaders , and it was that way last night when he went after Eroll Childress . Why did he value his life so little ? Because that meant he would be closer to his daughter . If he dies , he 's back where he belongs … with her . I think that 's why Rust was moving around like a breathing corpse because nothing mattered without his little girl and her mom . His soul and spirit died the same day his daughter did . And even though it 's pretty much assumed that 's why Rust is the way he is , you never really understand his level of grief and pain until last night when the walls come down and the vulnerability shines through and we get our first look at the real Rust Cohle . The best part of watching this season , was watching the partnership / relationship of Marty and Rust evolve into what it became … friendship . These were two men who really didn 't like each other . Actually , I would say Marty didn 't like Rust . Rust 's feelings were buried so deep I don 't think he felt anything . I think it would be fair to say that these were two men who didn 't understand one another . But over the course of the season , as each man grew to know the other better ( whether they wanted to or not ) , an understanding developed . Eventually , that understanding grew to kinship . Because at the end of the day , all they have is each other . They came to learn that the only people who really understood them , were each other . These were two dark , broken men . Whether they were broken at someone else 's hand or their own , their inner selves were destroyed in such a way , it was no wonder they couldn 't have a normal life . Marty and Rust both suffered losses . Rust lost his daughter to God and his wife to grief while Marty lost his daughters and wife due to negligence and self loathing . Either way , their families were gone . What was left ? A lot of shattered pieces to be picked up and put back together and inadvertently and painfully , that what Rust and Marty did for each other . Now they needed to shatter those pieces just a little bit more ( with Rust sleeping with Maggie ) and those pieces were left there for a long time before someone picked them up . But this case brought them back together and as mad as Marty was and as guilt ridden as Rust was , they teamed up to finished what they started . Years later , even when Marty was forgiving Rust , in his own way , Rust wouldn 't have it . He would let Marty let him off the hook . Hell we knew Rust hadn 't let himself off the hook because he never fixed his tail light that broke when they fought in the parking lot . It was his reminder of his weakness and betrayal . And I think that 's how Marty was able to start to forgive him . But once they had their man and they went afWhat did you think of last night 's finale and the season overall ? Will you be back next year because I sure will ! And who would you like to see as the two main leads next year ? Let me hear from you ! There are very few episodes of Parenthood that I can say annoy the crap out of me . In fact , I don 't think I 've ever thought that about Parenthood . But last night 's episode had me spitting nails . Decisions that were made , conversations that were had … . . UGH . So much bad in 42 minutes . Let 's start with what got my blood boiling the most shall we ? Words cannot describe how much I wanted to punch Crosby in the face between last week 's episode and this week 's episode . At one point , I was listening to his incessant rambling with my mouth agape . I couldn 't believe the things he was saying . Who the hell do you think you are Crosby ? Yes you grew up there but it 's not your home , it 's your parent 's home . I mean of course your childhood home is your home when you 're a kid and you live there . But guess what ? When you 're married and have a family and have your own home , it 's not your home anymore . And unless you 've paid a penny towards the mortgage , taxes , insurance , maintenance , etc on the home , IT " S NOT YOUR PLACE TO SAY ANYTHING ! ! ! How DARE he get in the middle of this . This is the Crosby I thought we sort of grew away from … the selfish , nosy , screwed up , self - centered jerk that thought the world revolved around him and every decision made in the world needs to be made in a way that makes him happy and his life easier . Well he is back . First he goes to Zeek to tell him that he knows he doesn 't want to sell the house and asks why he 's letting mom push him into something he doesn 't want . And after Zeek very directly and beautifully tells him that it 's because after all his mother has done for this family , she deserves to have something she wants . She wants to travel and if that means selling house to make her happy , Zeek is going to do it because she means more to him that anything else . Then , since apparently that wasn 't good enough for Crosby , he goes to his mother and whines like a 7 - year - old about selling his childhood home . Notice he never talks about his siblings … . it 's HIS home and HIS room . By the way , since when do grown children say to their parents " when were you going to paint my room without telling me ? " I 'm sorry Crosby , did you leave your wife and children and move back with your mom and dad and become 12 again ? As Camille reminded him , it hasn 't been his room in years . And then the granddaddy asshole comment of all , he tells Camille she is selfish for selling the house . SELFISH ! ! He told his mother she was selfish for wanting to sell HER house . Is he for real ? He actually made that comment with a straight face ? Well after losing my voice screaming at my TV , Camille responded better than I ever could : Selfish . Ok let me put this into some perspective for you . I spent over 30 years of my life taking care of four kids . Some of whom are still living in my house and coming home for lunch . And I spent most of my adult life , compromising myself and what I want for your father . I 've always put myself second . Or third . Or fourth . Or fifth or sixth . I have cooked your dinners . I have packed your school lunches . I have driven you to play dates and practice and done your laundry well past when I should have . And now when I assert one thing that I want , one thing , you and your dad and everyone else can 't take it . So . If that 's selfish , excuse me . ROUND OF APPLAUSE CAMILLE ! ! ! ! I seriously stood up ( actually I was already up screaming at Crosby through my TV ) and starting clapping and crying . Good for you Camille . You put your ungrateful , inconsiderate , rude , SELFISH , son in his place . The worst part about it , it didn 't sink in with Crosby at all . I don 't think he really listened to Camille and he got a little too much joy out of listening to his parents fight about this when he 's the cause of their fighting and pain . And for all the times over the years Jasmine has scolded Crosby and given him a hard time , NOW all she has to say is " I told you not to get involved . " Really Jasmine ? That 's all you can muster up ? Unbelievable . I used to like Hank . He was weird and quirky , but I liked him . Which surprised me because I HATED Everybody Love Raymond . I found the show and Ray Romano , very unfunny . But on Parenthood , I really liked his character and how Romano brought this character to life . But this season , since they seem to be going down the " Hank Has Asberger 's " story line , it seems as thought Hank 's behavior has reached a new level of annoying . Sure he was odd before but it was charming and sweet . Now , he 's just a dick . And I 'm not sure if the Aspie suggested diagnosis is supposed to make us accept his rude / bad behavior or if his behavior is getting worse and we 're going to use an Aspie diagnosis to hopefully make people more understanding of Hank . I know I 'm saying the same thing but I guess what I 'm trying to say is , I 'm not sure which came first … . the new ugly Hank or the Aspie story line . And with all due respect , I 'm great with one Asberger 's story line because I find it fascinating , I don 't need another . This was another story that had me screaming at my TV . Sarah was going to go away with AMAZING Carl to Zimbabwe , a once in a lifetime trip , and decided not to go after a nasty confrontation with Hank . Her reason for not going … . it 's the year of Sarah . Really ? Year of Sarah huh ? So if it 's the year of Sarah , why did you let a man make your decision for you ? Isn 't the reason you 're now staying the exact reason Hank yelled at you for going in the first place … . a man was distracting you and dictating your decisions ? Because when she decided to go to Africa , that was HER decision . But her decision to stay was based off of being bullied by a man . How exactly does that conform with her idea that it 's the year of Sarah ? Also it 's the YEAR of Sarah . Not one week in the year if Sarah . What is going to Africa with an amazing , smart , philanthropic , sweet stud have to do with it not being the year of Sarah ? Is Sarah not allowed to go away during that year ? Can she not have fun ? Can she not have an outstanding experience both personally and professionally ? Because those seem to be the types of things you 'd want to do in a year for yourself . Am I wrong ? So instead , she 's going to let Hank bully and berate her into feeling bad about herself to stay because he 's jealous she 's going away with Carl . Because let 's be honest . Hank doesn 't care about Sarah being true to herself . He cares that Sarah is going away with another man other than him . Because if Sarah was going to Africa with Hank , I 'm sure there would not have been a problem . While Carl has always seemed to have Sarah 's best interests at heart , Hank only cares about himself . Which is why I hope we haven 't seen the last of Carl because he 's a really good guy and I think he 's great for Sarah and I hope Hank goes back to wherever his daughter is and leaves the show . Jason Katims , DO NOT put Sarah and Hank back together . Carl was good for her . For someone who always struggled to find herself and make her way in the world , Carl not only gave hJulia , Joel , and Ed Oh Julia . What are you doing girlfriend ? I know this is a brutal time for you . But why , WHY would you go to Ed 's house … wait back up . Why would you make Ed dinner , THEN bring it to his house , then decide that it 's an even better idea to stay and have dinner with him ! Seriously woman ? What are you thinking ! I have no problem with what Julia said to Ed at the sustainability garden ( which was basically back off because you 're no good for me . ) And I can understand her back being up when Ed shows up at her home unannounced and uninvited to want to talk . Ok Ed , what do you want to talk about with the woman you kissed and assisted in putting her marriage on the hot seat ? What made him think that was a good idea ? Just because Joel moved out , doesn 't mean he might not be at the house because of the kids . Wow , talk about really dumb or really inconsiderate . But in fairness to Ed , Julia was out of line in her verbal beat down . Granted , she was probably pretty peeved he just showed up without warning , but that doesn 't mean her comments were accurate . Her tone , however , was completely understandable . While Ed kissing Julia ( and Julia kissing him back ) certainly didn 't make Joel more secure about his marriage , it was far from being solely his fault the marriage is on the rocks . Ed was right to tell Julia to dig deeper to find the real reason her marriage is in trouble . Eventually , our little Julia does realize he 's correct . But you know what ? THAT DOESN ' T MEAN YOU MAKE HIM CHICKEN MARSALA AND BRING IT TO HIS HOUSE AND EAT IT WITH HIM ! ! I mean was Katims just handing out stupid pills this week ? Sheesh . I want my J & J back together . They are both at fault and they both need to suck it up and work it out . I know Julia wants to try but Joel needs to pipe down already , move back in , and work on his damn marriage . First things first . Drew . We need an intervention . For your hair . Have you never heard of scissors ? A barber ? A flowbee ? Get that mess under control . You are an attractive young man but we wouldn 't know it because we can 't see your face behind your out of control Beiber . Now , it 's time you kick Natalie to the curb . You almost did last night . You did put her in her place and tell her what I have been yelling about for weeks … . you can 't have it both ways ! A little history . Natalie and Drew connect at first and they 're hooking up and hanging out so obviously ( because Drew 's adorable ) Drew wants to give her his pin and go steady . But Natalie , being a current woman of the 2010s , tells Drew to go pound sand . They can be friends with benefits but nothing more . After Drew tells her the benefit part has to come with something more , she says they can only be the friend part . Ok , no problem . So then why is Natalie going all Glenn Close / Alex Forrest on Drew ? As he reminded her last night , you 're the one who wanted to be just friends and now that Drew is trying to be just that , she disses him . What is with people in this episode ? Like with Ed , I have to be fair to Natalie . I didn 't like the way she treated Amy . She has no right to be bitchy and dismissive when you 're the one who told Drew you 're just friends . So because he 's not pining away for you , he 's the jerk ? Whatever . But where Natalie was right was in telling Drew that when Amy 's stay was getting to Jennifer Jason Leigh levels , it was time to do something . Drew wasn 't living his college life . He wasn 't doing anything and experiencing things , both socially and scholastically . He was missing out because Amy was going through a hard time . And while it 's noble of Drew to want to be there for her and help her , he 's hurting himself and Amy by letting it go on as long as he had . Time to cut the apron strings . Couldn 't agree with Natalie more . But where Natalie is wrong is making Drew feel bad for being exactly what she told him to be … a friend . If you like him , speak up woman ! If you don 't , then shut your pie hole . Either way , make a decision and stick with it because right now , you bug the crap out of me . I really have nothing to say on this front other than , I love them . Best couple on the show . Love the school they are trying to build and I hope it works out for them . Oh and SUCK IT CANCER ! ! You 're not going near my girl again ! That was a lot of anger for a Parenthood post wasn 't it ? Wow . That 's so not like me . Except for Crosby . He usually brings out the worst in me even though he hasn 't lately . So I guess he was due for a whopper . And I get so frustrated because I 'm an idiot and have a tendency to forget these aren 't real people . But that 's why I love the show . Katims , the writers , the actors … amazing . I feel like I 'm watching a real life family so when things happen I tend to react , strongly . I 'm uber attached to this family the way Max is attached to bugs and photography . But I need everyone to wake up and get back on track . No more calling your mom selfish or not going on sex trips with hot guys or having dinner with men you shouldn 't . Let 's pick up the pace Bravermans . I have big expectations as the season comes to an end ! ! ! RT @ Leeparkslawyer : Could Jordan Speith be feeling the pressure and hearing the footsteps of Tiger , Phil , and Rory ? # Masters2015 # Separatio … 2 years ago
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Hello ! Today is another Be My Guest Monday ! Thanks for coming by . . . I 've been a bit out of it lately with the crazy computer virus , so my apologies for the late post time on this . But I 'm glad you came , because today 's post is fabulous ! ! ! Today we have Katie from Rooftop Melodies bringing us some excellent thoughts on what it means to find the extraordinary in the ordinary . . . " Hmmmmm . . . ordinary in the extraordinary . Or wait , maybe it 's the other way around . . . " I pondered what I would write for Out of the Extraordinary . My mind was blank . As I mused , the sound of a glass - packed muffler pounded through my window . That vehicle had to be at least a block away , down by the bars where I could hear people talking a little too loudly and a little too enthusiastically . The engine revved over and over and over . People raised their voices . I was annoyed . I find myself often annoyed lately . I don 't know exactly why this is , but I am even annoyed with the fact that I am often annoyed . Yes . It 's self - perpetuating . It 's times like this when I think to myself ( why do we say " think to myself ? " To whom else would we think ? ) " Self , it 's a good thing you do not have children , or even only one child , or even a mere husband . You could not handle a relationship . You could not handle caring for anyone other than you . You would quickly become uber annoyed with these people and eventually fall into insanity " Then I begin to argue with myself , " That 's so not true . I love kids and I 'm sure I could rise to the occasion if I were in a relationship . " But I 'm not very convincing . I 'm afraid I 'm right . Er . . . wrong ? No wait , um . . . What did I say about insanity ? The voices drone into my window again . I want to tell these people that it is late . It 's only a Thursday night . Can 't they hold off on the drinking for one more night ? My neck is stiff from laying on my tummy in bed and typing with my hands above my head . My eyes blink closed . I just realized how tired I am . Then I decide it really doesn 't matter . The act of being annoyed doesn 't change anything . You choose your battles . Some will need to be addressed . Some will need to be ignored . And that 's exactly what I will do about the fair patrons of Bottom 's Up down the street . Sometimes I just have to remind myself that God gives the grace to deal with every situation he sends . From noisy neighbors to crying children and family priorities to dealing with loneliness and the realization that my plans are not his plans , I 'll find the strength in him . And as I remind myself of this fact , I also remember that my iPod will drown out annoying neighbors . My eyes close again and I thank God for the little things , because ordinary , everyday annoyances are what make life extraordinary in its own crazy way . Alas , yes my computer did succumb to the virus that 's going around . This is why I 'm writing today 's post from the office , after working hours ( much , much after actually ) . So let this be a Public Service Announcement : Update your virus protection software ! Or if you don 't have it , buy it ! ! ! I will admit that I let mine lapse a very , very long time ago , and since I generally do not make it a habit to vist skeezy websites , I did ok . But wouldn 't you know it , the day after a friend at work got a virus , I got the virus . It 's like how colds just jump from desk to desk , except my computer has never been near his . Stupid internet . : p The only plus side of the event was that the guy I talked to , Bruce , was the epitome of everyone I used to hang out with in high school , and it was so much fun chatting with him while filling out the paperwork . I almost wanted to go back and be like " Hey Bruce , would you like to be my friend ? " and then I realized how insanely pathetic that would have sounded so I just kept walking . But it 's funny how in the space of 8 days I 've managed to both break my digital camera ( still under warrantee , thank God ) and get a virus on my computer . Like seriously , does God want me hanging around Best Buy for a specific reason ? ? The highly ironic thing is that I haven 't been good at blogging in the 3 days of the week when I don 't have a MEME going on , and yet today I made darned sure to make sure I wrote something . And hopefully in the next week I 'll start getting caught up on the last month ( or more ) of comments I haven 't responded to . Because you never really understand how much you love doing something until it suddenly becomes harder to do . Like using the internet . I mean , hooray for my BlackBerry , but unless there 's a blogger app out there , I can 't see myself doing a blog post with it . ( IS there an app for it ? ? ) Well , folks , that 's about all I have for today . Sorry it 's not much . But if you take nothing else away from this , remember : Update your virus protection software today ! It 's worth not having the headache later ! Hello ! Today is another Be My Guest Monday ! Have you decided to be my guest yet ? If not , you should ! ! ( hint . . . just click on the link . . . ) : ) Today 's guest is Lauren from Her Silent Musings . When I started my blog I had to decide how much of my deepest thoughts I would actually be comfortable sharing to the public , since the " public " includes my mom , friends , and potentially people from work . What I love about Lauren 's post is its simplicity , its transparancy , and the stream - of - consciousness writing style that I adore so much . I dare you to love this post more than I do : There is a difference in my writing when I journal versus when I 'm writing my story . You can tell . My journal reads horribly ; the writing difficult to wrap your mind around either because of the jagged style or ill - scripted handwriting . When reading my story , it sounds like I try too hard , try too hard to be perfect . Often times , when I journal I also try to sound poignant , and more so just come across as dramatic and foolish . Yet when I write for my blog , I find that my voice sounds more authentic and wholesome . I actually sound like a real person delving into her inner soul and sharing pieces of it with people . You would think this would be the same for journaling , even book writing . However , such is not the case . When I 'm writing my story , my mind almost feels completely detached from the moment , as if my fingers know more about what 's going on than I do . When I journal , I think too much about someone possibly reading my thoughts in the future and I want to sound deep and reflective . When truthfully , I 'm just a woman ( yes , I 'll be turning 20 in less than one month , and will no longer be a teen , so I shall refer to myself as a woman now ) who eats goldfish crackers while writing her innermost thoughts . I bought my parents a Thank You card because sometimes I feel like I don 't show them enough appreciation . I can be very grouchy if my mom calls and I 'm not in the mood to talk . I hardly ever talk to my dad on the phone during the week , so the only time I 'm ever pleasant is during the weekend when I 'm at their house visiting . Maybe I 'm just looking at myself in a darker light than most ; maybe I 'm too hard on myself . Regardless , I want them to know that they 're appreciated , and I know a card doesn 't really do or say a whole lot , but it 's better than nothing at all , and it 's not like I don 't ever say " thank you " to them when they do something for me . Sometimes I don 't say thanks , so it makes me come off looking like I think I deserve to be catered to , but that 's not how I perceive myself . Maybe I used to when I was in high school and still living with them , but not anymore . Sadly enough , I 'm going to be draining my bank account thin by the next pay period . While I was at Buffalo Wild Wings the other night with some friends , I bought a three - pack of screen guards and a new cover for my cell phone from Amazon , not considering that " Hey , Lauren , you have a doctor 's appointment coming up this week " and not even thinking that I would need a refill on my medication for which I would have to pay . So that 's a thirty dollar doctor 's visit - and my real doctor wasn 't even there , it was the head honcho lady who made me feel somewhat like she was talking down to me , which never sits well in my stomach - and then however much my prescription is going to cost . Not to mention , I bought lunch at various fast food restaurants before I went and bought groceries today , still have to buy gas for next week , and pay my car insurance . Ugh . . . And then last Saturday my mom and I went to Kohl 's where she bought me three pairs of pants for work . I tried them on Sunday afternoon and only one pair fit . My mom asked me if I 'd gained any weight since I 'd been on " the pill " and I said no , at least it hadn 't felt like it . I mean , yeah , my belly 's gotten a little rounder because I 'm not walking my arse off from one class to another everyday , and I don 't dance or cheer or do gymnastics anymore , but I didn 't feel any heavier . She said it 's possible that I had gained weight , and it disturbs me that this possibility unsettled me . All my life , people have been telling me I need to gain weight , and the honest truth is that I 've always resented their comments . I never wanted to gain weight , even though I knew I was small and could use a little meat on my bones . I don 't have an eating disorder , I don 't starve myself , or make myself vomit . I 'm not obsessed with counting calories and doing two hundred crunches before bed every night . Now , truth be told , I could probably eat a lot healthier than what I do . I eat way too much junk . But since last weekend , I 've turned sideways in the mirror many times and longed for my lost abs packed down by lack of exercise and too many Zaxby 's milkshakes ( too many Zaxby 's anything , really ) . There 's a lady I work with who constantly informs me of her envy over my body and weight , something that annoys me to no end . People have told me they would kill for my body . Kill ? Seriously ? When I was in middle school , a curvy , curly - haired classmate pointed to my belly at a pool party and said , " That 's how I want to look ! " I curled into myself a little , slightly embarrassed by the attention , already feeling awkward that I was the only girl wearing pink and blue plaid boxer shorts over my swimsuit because I 'd just started my period and was afraid of tampons . I 've been accused of having nearly every eating disorder in the book , both behind my back and to my face . People have really surprised me by what they 've said , yet looking back on it , I So , in conclusion , I 've learned that writing just has to be done , gratitude needs to be shown , and acceptance needs to be made . We are not perfect , we are just human . To be human means to be imperfect , sinful , but most importantly redemptive . I will probably never write perfectly the first time , will never say " thank you " enough , and will never look exactly the way I want to , because if I did , I have discovered that I wouldn 't need God or His help . Because I am all of these things , I need Him , and will always need Him . So here are the rules . I will post a word and its definition . It will be a real word , and its real definition . But then I will create a fictionary definition for the same word , and invite you to do the same . Sound good ? Good . Here we go : Dictionary Definition : Repercussion n . an effect or result , often indirect or remote , of some event or action : " The repercussions of the quarrel were widespread . " Fictionary Definition : Repercussion n . at a concert : a repeat by the drummer / percussionist of his / her solo , often leading into a replay of the chorus or the entire song : " I loved the concert , but that drummer added too many repercussions . " Posted by Hello ! Thanks for stopping by today . Today is Be My Guest Monday ! I 'm looking for people to do some extraordinary summer posts for me . . . how about YOU ? ? Today 's guest is Angela from Living , Laughing , Loving . You 've got to check out her blog when you 're done reading this post . . . if you can 't smile after seeing the picture . . . well then you may just need some help . : ) But today you are so lucky to read this beautiful Mother 's Day tribute . And so . . . When I was a little girl from age four to ten , one of my favorite stories my mom would tell me was about the day I was born . As often as I could , I would beg her to tell it to me again . Maybe it was for the closeness we shared on that day . Maybe it was because my mom told it with such heart and soul . Maybe it was because I got to snuggle with her under the covers in her big brass bed . She would wrap me up and stroke my hair as she began to quietly speak . Transfixed , I would listen as she recounted the day with perfect clarity . My mom , your Grandma Dorothy , died while I was pregnant with you . I was only 29 years old . We were so close and I loved her so much . It was devastating to me . But I had your two brothers , and sister to take care of . I could not grieve forever . As much as I would miss her , I had to do the best I could for my family . You were five months in my tummy when I said good - bye to her for the last time . The months went by as slow and hard as I thought they would be . The emptiness and loss were a hole I could not fill . The boys were a handful , but thankfully your sister , who was eight , was a BIG help . She wished and wished for a baby sister and not a brother . I told her how sorry I was but I didn 't think I could have any more girls . I wanted a girl more than anything but just couldn 't get my hopes up . It seemed the last possible thing in the world . But in my dreams , I couldn 't help but picture a big brown - eyed baby girl . Two weeks from your due date the doctor informed me that he would go ahead and induce labor . He felt it was time . I had not gained much weight . I was too thin and too unhealthy . In my harrowing days , I had not taken very good care of myself . It was losing my mom . It was raising three children . It was so many things . I couldn 't believe after laboring all day when the moment of your arrival came and the doctor announced , " It 's a girl ! " I told him , " It couldn 't be ! I couldn 't have any more girls . " The doctor just laughed at me . " Of course you can have more girls and you did . She is beautiful . Just look at her . " And you were . . . . you were so , so beautiful . You had BIG brown eyes that peered up at me like an Owl . And you were so tiny too , only 5lbs 12oz , the smallest baby I ever had . Your thin blond downy fuzz on your head was so soft , and how I loved to count your precious little fingers and toes . Oh , I was amazed and in love . I only wished my mom could be there to meet you . Back in those days , the babies would lay in the nursery while the mom recovered in her room from the medicines and birth . I was laying there in my hospital bed thinking of you and smiling , when suddenly , at the foot of my bed stood my mom . She was standing there looking at me with such love and adoration on her face . She looked right in my eyes and said , " Oh Sharon , you did it again . She is beautiful , just like you dreamed she would be with those big brown eyes . I 'm so happy you got another girl . " I was so amazed and startled . I did what any normal person would do , I closed my eyes . I shook my head . When I opened them , she was gone . Oh how I wished I had not closed my eyes . I wish I would have talked to her . I wish . . . I wish . . . I wish . . . . but I didn 't and just like that , she was gone . But she WAS there . Really there . It wasn 't a dream . I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life . Her story is both heart - wrenching and joyful . I am usually crying with her at the end . In my heart of hearts , I know my Grandma met me . She gazed at me through the glass . She lovingly reached for my downy head and stared into my big eyes . Oh Grandma , I heard so much about you . What you must have done to visit your daughter in a gesture of comfort , a gesture of reassurance , and a gesture of compassion that you were still there in her deepest period of loss . How much you loved us all . I know one day we will meet again , all of us , and no blink will ever miss that moment . So here are the rules . I will post a word and its definition . It will be a real word , and its real definition . But then I will create a fictionary definition for the same word , and invite you to do the same . Sound good ? Good . Here we go : Dictionary Definition : Incensed v . past tense . to inflame with wrath ; make angry ; enrage " When Peter broke my vase I was incensed . " Fictionary Definition : Insenced v . past tense . to cover with large amounts of perfume , usually in a department store . " I hate walking through the beauty department at Macy 's because I always come out incensed and it makes me sneeze for hours . " Happy Monday ! Today is yet another Be My Guest Monday ! You should definitely click that link and let me know if you 'd like to be one of my guest bloggers ! Today 's guest blogger is proving yet again that the quality of my blog goes up every time I have someone else write for it . : ) Please welcome Sabrina from Nouns Make Verbs . This is one of the first blogs that I started following , and I am so very glad I did ! Enjoy . . . Tumbling with the waves as they rolled foaming , the glass bumped into the gritty sand . Yesterday the waves were angry , crashing on the shore , but today they slid up , nonchalant , rolling . The gulls skipped out of their way . They were bored and fighting over nothing , because there was nothing to eat , and they fought loudly . The glass was sharp . It was a bottle an hour ago and useful , but now broken ; forgotten , unwanted and broken . Its pieces were pretty but missing from each other and less useful , even dangerous . It skipped along in the grit . As the foam cleared with each wave , the glass glimmered soft blue . Smallish things scurried past it , over it , under it . The sun above it was a strange yellow ball . There was a constant humming , the power of the ocean humming . The waves rolled the glass along the grit . They licked the shore and rolled the glass , whose sides were becoming dull as it tumbled . The yellow ball of a sun went down and it was dark . Sometimes the glass was on the beach and there was no water , but the gulls were there fighting over what was left to eat , grabbing and fighting . A gull picked the glass up and flew with it for a moment , then dropped it . Forgotten and left , and also broken . Haunting waves , moody waves , gentle waves , as the yellow sun rose and sank again and again . Time by the ocean . Time , with waves rolling , is all of time and also is no time , because it is the same always , without mercy . The glass was changing . It was cloudy now , its edges quite smooth . It shone soft blue but in a different way . It had become useful again , no longer dangerous . The yellow sun rose once again and people came to walk in the surf and laugh at the fighting gulls , fighting about the food they brought . Their umbrellas and towels and laughter filled the beach . The waves were soft today for the people . They rolled onto the sand like a mother rolling a ball to her baby . The glass tumbled with them and landed at the feet of a young girl who saw things . She picked it up and put it in her pocket .
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Hello ! Today is another Be My Guest Monday ! Thanks for coming by . . . I 've been a bit out of it lately with the crazy computer virus , so my apologies for the late post time on this . But I 'm glad you came , because today 's post is fabulous ! ! ! Today we have Katie from Rooftop Melodies bringing us some excellent thoughts on what it means to find the extraordinary in the ordinary . . . " Hmmmmm . . . ordinary in the extraordinary . Or wait , maybe it 's the other way around . . . " I pondered what I would write for Out of the Extraordinary . My mind was blank . As I mused , the sound of a glass - packed muffler pounded through my window . That vehicle had to be at least a block away , down by the bars where I could hear people talking a little too loudly and a little too enthusiastically . The engine revved over and over and over . People raised their voices . I was annoyed . I find myself often annoyed lately . I don 't know exactly why this is , but I am even annoyed with the fact that I am often annoyed . Yes . It 's self - perpetuating . It 's times like this when I think to myself ( why do we say " think to myself ? " To whom else would we think ? ) " Self , it 's a good thing you do not have children , or even only one child , or even a mere husband . You could not handle a relationship . You could not handle caring for anyone other than you . You would quickly become uber annoyed with these people and eventually fall into insanity " Then I begin to argue with myself , " That 's so not true . I love kids and I 'm sure I could rise to the occasion if I were in a relationship . " But I 'm not very convincing . I 'm afraid I 'm right . Er . . . wrong ? No wait , um . . . What did I say about insanity ? The voices drone into my window again . I want to tell these people that it is late . It 's only a Thursday night . Can 't they hold off on the drinking for one more night ? My neck is stiff from laying on my tummy in bed and typing with my hands above my head . My eyes blink closed . I just realized how tired I am . Then I decide it really doesn 't matter . The act of being annoyed doesn 't change anything . You choose your battles . Some will need to be addressed . Some will need to be ignored . And that 's exactly what I will do about the fair patrons of Bottom 's Up down the street . Sometimes I just have to remind myself that God gives the grace to deal with every situation he sends . From noisy neighbors to crying children and family priorities to dealing with loneliness and the realization that my plans are not his plans , I 'll find the strength in him . And as I remind myself of this fact , I also remember that my iPod will drown out annoying neighbors . My eyes close again and I thank God for the little things , because ordinary , everyday annoyances are what make life extraordinary in its own crazy way . Alas , yes my computer did succumb to the virus that 's going around . This is why I 'm writing today 's post from the office , after working hours ( much , much after actually ) . So let this be a Public Service Announcement : Update your virus protection software ! Or if you don 't have it , buy it ! ! ! I will admit that I let mine lapse a very , very long time ago , and since I generally do not make it a habit to vist skeezy websites , I did ok . But wouldn 't you know it , the day after a friend at work got a virus , I got the virus . It 's like how colds just jump from desk to desk , except my computer has never been near his . Stupid internet . : p The only plus side of the event was that the guy I talked to , Bruce , was the epitome of everyone I used to hang out with in high school , and it was so much fun chatting with him while filling out the paperwork . I almost wanted to go back and be like " Hey Bruce , would you like to be my friend ? " and then I realized how insanely pathetic that would have sounded so I just kept walking . But it 's funny how in the space of 8 days I 've managed to both break my digital camera ( still under warrantee , thank God ) and get a virus on my computer . Like seriously , does God want me hanging around Best Buy for a specific reason ? ? The highly ironic thing is that I haven 't been good at blogging in the 3 days of the week when I don 't have a MEME going on , and yet today I made darned sure to make sure I wrote something . And hopefully in the next week I 'll start getting caught up on the last month ( or more ) of comments I haven 't responded to . Because you never really understand how much you love doing something until it suddenly becomes harder to do . Like using the internet . I mean , hooray for my BlackBerry , but unless there 's a blogger app out there , I can 't see myself doing a blog post with it . ( IS there an app for it ? ? ) Well , folks , that 's about all I have for today . Sorry it 's not much . But if you take nothing else away from this , remember : Update your virus protection software today ! It 's worth not having the headache later ! Hello ! Today is another Be My Guest Monday ! Have you decided to be my guest yet ? If not , you should ! ! ( hint . . . just click on the link . . . ) : ) Today 's guest is Lauren from Her Silent Musings . When I started my blog I had to decide how much of my deepest thoughts I would actually be comfortable sharing to the public , since the " public " includes my mom , friends , and potentially people from work . What I love about Lauren 's post is its simplicity , its transparancy , and the stream - of - consciousness writing style that I adore so much . I dare you to love this post more than I do : There is a difference in my writing when I journal versus when I 'm writing my story . You can tell . My journal reads horribly ; the writing difficult to wrap your mind around either because of the jagged style or ill - scripted handwriting . When reading my story , it sounds like I try too hard , try too hard to be perfect . Often times , when I journal I also try to sound poignant , and more so just come across as dramatic and foolish . Yet when I write for my blog , I find that my voice sounds more authentic and wholesome . I actually sound like a real person delving into her inner soul and sharing pieces of it with people . You would think this would be the same for journaling , even book writing . However , such is not the case . When I 'm writing my story , my mind almost feels completely detached from the moment , as if my fingers know more about what 's going on than I do . When I journal , I think too much about someone possibly reading my thoughts in the future and I want to sound deep and reflective . When truthfully , I 'm just a woman ( yes , I 'll be turning 20 in less than one month , and will no longer be a teen , so I shall refer to myself as a woman now ) who eats goldfish crackers while writing her innermost thoughts . I bought my parents a Thank You card because sometimes I feel like I don 't show them enough appreciation . I can be very grouchy if my mom calls and I 'm not in the mood to talk . I hardly ever talk to my dad on the phone during the week , so the only time I 'm ever pleasant is during the weekend when I 'm at their house visiting . Maybe I 'm just looking at myself in a darker light than most ; maybe I 'm too hard on myself . Regardless , I want them to know that they 're appreciated , and I know a card doesn 't really do or say a whole lot , but it 's better than nothing at all , and it 's not like I don 't ever say " thank you " to them when they do something for me . Sometimes I don 't say thanks , so it makes me come off looking like I think I deserve to be catered to , but that 's not how I perceive myself . Maybe I used to when I was in high school and still living with them , but not anymore . Sadly enough , I 'm going to be draining my bank account thin by the next pay period . While I was at Buffalo Wild Wings the other night with some friends , I bought a three - pack of screen guards and a new cover for my cell phone from Amazon , not considering that " Hey , Lauren , you have a doctor 's appointment coming up this week " and not even thinking that I would need a refill on my medication for which I would have to pay . So that 's a thirty dollar doctor 's visit - and my real doctor wasn 't even there , it was the head honcho lady who made me feel somewhat like she was talking down to me , which never sits well in my stomach - and then however much my prescription is going to cost . Not to mention , I bought lunch at various fast food restaurants before I went and bought groceries today , still have to buy gas for next week , and pay my car insurance . Ugh . . . And then last Saturday my mom and I went to Kohl 's where she bought me three pairs of pants for work . I tried them on Sunday afternoon and only one pair fit . My mom asked me if I 'd gained any weight since I 'd been on " the pill " and I said no , at least it hadn 't felt like it . I mean , yeah , my belly 's gotten a little rounder because I 'm not walking my arse off from one class to another everyday , and I don 't dance or cheer or do gymnastics anymore , but I didn 't feel any heavier . She said it 's possible that I had gained weight , and it disturbs me that this possibility unsettled me . All my life , people have been telling me I need to gain weight , and the honest truth is that I 've always resented their comments . I never wanted to gain weight , even though I knew I was small and could use a little meat on my bones . I don 't have an eating disorder , I don 't starve myself , or make myself vomit . I 'm not obsessed with counting calories and doing two hundred crunches before bed every night . Now , truth be told , I could probably eat a lot healthier than what I do . I eat way too much junk . But since last weekend , I 've turned sideways in the mirror many times and longed for my lost abs packed down by lack of exercise and too many Zaxby 's milkshakes ( too many Zaxby 's anything , really ) . There 's a lady I work with who constantly informs me of her envy over my body and weight , something that annoys me to no end . People have told me they would kill for my body . Kill ? Seriously ? When I was in middle school , a curvy , curly - haired classmate pointed to my belly at a pool party and said , " That 's how I want to look ! " I curled into myself a little , slightly embarrassed by the attention , already feeling awkward that I was the only girl wearing pink and blue plaid boxer shorts over my swimsuit because I 'd just started my period and was afraid of tampons . I 've been accused of having nearly every eating disorder in the book , both behind my back and to my face . People have really surprised me by what they 've said , yet looking back on it , I So , in conclusion , I 've learned that writing just has to be done , gratitude needs to be shown , and acceptance needs to be made . We are not perfect , we are just human . To be human means to be imperfect , sinful , but most importantly redemptive . I will probably never write perfectly the first time , will never say " thank you " enough , and will never look exactly the way I want to , because if I did , I have discovered that I wouldn 't need God or His help . Because I am all of these things , I need Him , and will always need Him . So here are the rules . I will post a word and its definition . It will be a real word , and its real definition . But then I will create a fictionary definition for the same word , and invite you to do the same . Sound good ? Good . Here we go : Dictionary Definition : Repercussion n . an effect or result , often indirect or remote , of some event or action : " The repercussions of the quarrel were widespread . " Fictionary Definition : Repercussion n . at a concert : a repeat by the drummer / percussionist of his / her solo , often leading into a replay of the chorus or the entire song : " I loved the concert , but that drummer added too many repercussions . " Posted by Hello ! Thanks for stopping by today . Today is Be My Guest Monday ! I 'm looking for people to do some extraordinary summer posts for me . . . how about YOU ? ? Today 's guest is Angela from Living , Laughing , Loving . You 've got to check out her blog when you 're done reading this post . . . if you can 't smile after seeing the picture . . . well then you may just need some help . : ) But today you are so lucky to read this beautiful Mother 's Day tribute . And so . . . When I was a little girl from age four to ten , one of my favorite stories my mom would tell me was about the day I was born . As often as I could , I would beg her to tell it to me again . Maybe it was for the closeness we shared on that day . Maybe it was because my mom told it with such heart and soul . Maybe it was because I got to snuggle with her under the covers in her big brass bed . She would wrap me up and stroke my hair as she began to quietly speak . Transfixed , I would listen as she recounted the day with perfect clarity . My mom , your Grandma Dorothy , died while I was pregnant with you . I was only 29 years old . We were so close and I loved her so much . It was devastating to me . But I had your two brothers , and sister to take care of . I could not grieve forever . As much as I would miss her , I had to do the best I could for my family . You were five months in my tummy when I said good - bye to her for the last time . The months went by as slow and hard as I thought they would be . The emptiness and loss were a hole I could not fill . The boys were a handful , but thankfully your sister , who was eight , was a BIG help . She wished and wished for a baby sister and not a brother . I told her how sorry I was but I didn 't think I could have any more girls . I wanted a girl more than anything but just couldn 't get my hopes up . It seemed the last possible thing in the world . But in my dreams , I couldn 't help but picture a big brown - eyed baby girl . Two weeks from your due date the doctor informed me that he would go ahead and induce labor . He felt it was time . I had not gained much weight . I was too thin and too unhealthy . In my harrowing days , I had not taken very good care of myself . It was losing my mom . It was raising three children . It was so many things . I couldn 't believe after laboring all day when the moment of your arrival came and the doctor announced , " It 's a girl ! " I told him , " It couldn 't be ! I couldn 't have any more girls . " The doctor just laughed at me . " Of course you can have more girls and you did . She is beautiful . Just look at her . " And you were . . . . you were so , so beautiful . You had BIG brown eyes that peered up at me like an Owl . And you were so tiny too , only 5lbs 12oz , the smallest baby I ever had . Your thin blond downy fuzz on your head was so soft , and how I loved to count your precious little fingers and toes . Oh , I was amazed and in love . I only wished my mom could be there to meet you . Back in those days , the babies would lay in the nursery while the mom recovered in her room from the medicines and birth . I was laying there in my hospital bed thinking of you and smiling , when suddenly , at the foot of my bed stood my mom . She was standing there looking at me with such love and adoration on her face . She looked right in my eyes and said , " Oh Sharon , you did it again . She is beautiful , just like you dreamed she would be with those big brown eyes . I 'm so happy you got another girl . " I was so amazed and startled . I did what any normal person would do , I closed my eyes . I shook my head . When I opened them , she was gone . Oh how I wished I had not closed my eyes . I wish I would have talked to her . I wish . . . I wish . . . I wish . . . . but I didn 't and just like that , she was gone . But she WAS there . Really there . It wasn 't a dream . I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life . Her story is both heart - wrenching and joyful . I am usually crying with her at the end . In my heart of hearts , I know my Grandma met me . She gazed at me through the glass . She lovingly reached for my downy head and stared into my big eyes . Oh Grandma , I heard so much about you . What you must have done to visit your daughter in a gesture of comfort , a gesture of reassurance , and a gesture of compassion that you were still there in her deepest period of loss . How much you loved us all . I know one day we will meet again , all of us , and no blink will ever miss that moment . So here are the rules . I will post a word and its definition . It will be a real word , and its real definition . But then I will create a fictionary definition for the same word , and invite you to do the same . Sound good ? Good . Here we go : Dictionary Definition : Incensed v . past tense . to inflame with wrath ; make angry ; enrage " When Peter broke my vase I was incensed . " Fictionary Definition : Insenced v . past tense . to cover with large amounts of perfume , usually in a department store . " I hate walking through the beauty department at Macy 's because I always come out incensed and it makes me sneeze for hours . " Happy Monday ! Today is yet another Be My Guest Monday ! You should definitely click that link and let me know if you 'd like to be one of my guest bloggers ! Today 's guest blogger is proving yet again that the quality of my blog goes up every time I have someone else write for it . : ) Please welcome Sabrina from Nouns Make Verbs . This is one of the first blogs that I started following , and I am so very glad I did ! Enjoy . . . Tumbling with the waves as they rolled foaming , the glass bumped into the gritty sand . Yesterday the waves were angry , crashing on the shore , but today they slid up , nonchalant , rolling . The gulls skipped out of their way . They were bored and fighting over nothing , because there was nothing to eat , and they fought loudly . The glass was sharp . It was a bottle an hour ago and useful , but now broken ; forgotten , unwanted and broken . Its pieces were pretty but missing from each other and less useful , even dangerous . It skipped along in the grit . As the foam cleared with each wave , the glass glimmered soft blue . Smallish things scurried past it , over it , under it . The sun above it was a strange yellow ball . There was a constant humming , the power of the ocean humming . The waves rolled the glass along the grit . They licked the shore and rolled the glass , whose sides were becoming dull as it tumbled . The yellow ball of a sun went down and it was dark . Sometimes the glass was on the beach and there was no water , but the gulls were there fighting over what was left to eat , grabbing and fighting . A gull picked the glass up and flew with it for a moment , then dropped it . Forgotten and left , and also broken . Haunting waves , moody waves , gentle waves , as the yellow sun rose and sank again and again . Time by the ocean . Time , with waves rolling , is all of time and also is no time , because it is the same always , without mercy . The glass was changing . It was cloudy now , its edges quite smooth . It shone soft blue but in a different way . It had become useful again , no longer dangerous . The yellow sun rose once again and people came to walk in the surf and laugh at the fighting gulls , fighting about the food they brought . Their umbrellas and towels and laughter filled the beach . The waves were soft today for the people . They rolled onto the sand like a mother rolling a ball to her baby . The glass tumbled with them and landed at the feet of a young girl who saw things . She picked it up and put it in her pocket .
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So , how ' z everyone this fine morning ? I am okay . Not as funked out . Not so blue . My head is down to a Cat 1 for a change and I am out of hiding and I actually feel like blogging a little . Tho I don 't really have all that much to talk about . Go figure . : p Life is boring . My life is really , really boring . The guys have left for their jobs , leaving me and furry ones home alone . Thank you Lord ! ! ! Patrick was off , yesterday and it threw off my entire rhythm . lol So , yeah . It is morning , I am drinking coffee and plotting murder what I am going to do , today . I actually don 't have a whole lot I have to do . I worked my ass off around here , yesterday and the place looks pretty respectable . I can be a sloth , if I want . All I really need to do is run the duster , vacuum and make my bed . I can live with that . : D I am still trying to eat right . * sigh * What the fuck is my malfunction , I ask you ? ( Not literally . . . You know what I mean . ) I do really well , then I do not so well . It all adds up to maintaining my weight . No gain . ( Thank God ! ) But no loss . I mean . . . I have lost , what ? Thirteen pounds since January ? Say whaaaaaat ? Not exactly what I set out to do , here . I had expected to have nearly another fifty off by this time . And my doctor 's appointment is on August second . She will no doubt be pleased that I haven 't gained anything but dammit ! I am so mad at myself . So pissed off at my weirdness and inability to just stay on track . I am not binging . I am just eating stupid things , like some chips here , too much popcorn , there . Too much food at a meal . Healthy food still has calories and too many calories is too many calories . I know this . I know it when I do it . I know that I don 't want to . I know that it isn 't doing me any favours . Some days are diamonds . I do really well , some days . Some days are shit . It wouldn 't hurt to get my ass out and walk again , either . I miss my exercise . It has been so hot that I end up just chilling under the air vents . I am such a lazy slag . I am just not feeling today . My head is still hungover from last night 's horror show . I am feeling a little blue and I just feel like chilling . So I think I will . Nothing wrong with that , I think . Maybe I just need that . A stupidly lazy day . Hell . . . Maybe I won 't even make my bed . Good morning , everyone . I hope that you all had a great weekend . Mine was middling . Not stellar . Not awful . Saturday was a good day , yesterday was a little tough to take . Fathers Day is really bittersweet for me , since I lost my dad . This is the third one since he has been gone and it isn 't a whole lot easier . Silly little things will just up and make me cry . But the nice thing is , others will make me smile , or laugh at a particularly sweet or funny memory , so it all balances out . Tis the way of life . We have to take the pain with the joy and learn to integrate all of it into our way of being and learn to move through the wold with them . It isn 't always easy but I have to say , I would rather have my memories , my emotions and my feelings than not . Imagine how cold , sterile , empty life would be if we didn 't allow ourselves to feel , to remember , to fully experience everything , good and bad that life has to offer us . I think back at all of the years I dulled my senses , my emotions , my very essence with food and I just want to grieve for myself . I missed out on so much because I couldn 't , wouldn 't allow myself to feel , to fully experience the very things that make me human . Some of the shit that has hit me in life wasn 't good , wasn 't right , shouldn 't have happened . But , all of it , good , bad and indifferent has come together to help form and shape the person I am and continue to become . Sure , I would love to take a quick trip back and warn my younger self to zig when I zagged but I can 't and rather then running from it , I have chosen to clean out the nasty bits , throw them away and focus on the positive , the good and the future . It makes living and feeling so much better , let me tell you . It frees me from the fear and allows me to more fully experience . I am not completely fearless but I think that I am becoming more so . I am allowing myself to voice my feelings , express more of my emotions , even to the point of demanding I be heard more often . I am beginning to put my foot down and I am lifting myself up off the doorstep where I lay for so very long . It is a process and some days , I fall back down , flat and feel the feet on my back . I think it is important to know that I am taking the steps and I am not letting my stumbles turn into life killing defeat . I deserve better than that . And I think that I am , finally beginning to believe that , deep down where I really need to believe it . So , yeah . There is something that I need to talk about . Something that bothers the all mighty living hell out of me . Something that needs , I believe to be addressed . That something is the misuse of the words retarded and retard . Everywhere I read and hear people saying that this or that is " so retarded " . Or that person is such a fucktard , or I am such a fucktard . Or that woman is a freaktard or whatever form of this insult the person can create in his or her mind . This blatant misuse , dare I say abuse of these words is not only inaccurate and inappropriate , it is downright offensive . Using retarded or retard as an insult of one 's self or another person or an action or object is a blatant and direct insult to developmentally disabled persons . Retarded or developmentally disabled people aren 't so because they lack talent , intelligence , style , skill or beauty . They aren 't stupid , they don 't lack skill because they are unwilling to learn or to practice . They are born as they are . They didn 't ask for it , they didn 't bring it upon themselves and they most certainly don 't deserve , in any way shape or form to be used as a source of denigration . Or to be denigrated by this horrid word misuse . Misuse of the words retarded or retard is just as nasty , just as offensive and just as harmful and soul destroying as any misuse of words or phrases that describe any person 's race , colour , gender or sexual orientation . I seriously doubt that any of my gentle readers would use the n - word , or other racist epithets , I would hope that none of you use the word " gay " to describe something or someone or actions you don 't like or find aesthetically or otherwise unpleasing . Using the words retarded or retard is just as wrong . And it needs to stop . Now . Every time I see or hear this - tard or that tard or this or that is sooo retarded , it drives a dagger into my heart . It cuts to the very core of my spirit and causes me deep pain and anger . You see , my darling elder sister is developmentally disabled or , if you like , retarded . She was born this way . She didn 't cause it , she didn 't ask for it . She didn 't do anything wrong . No one did . She isn 't a mistake , ugly , nasty , stupid , untalented , unskilled , weird or a freak . She is a beautiful , gentle , delicate creature . She is human , formed of bone and muscle and blood . She feels , she hears , she sees , she walks and talks ( after a fashion ; ) ) she knows . She loves magazines and catalogues and TV . She adores shopping . She collects and hoards hair accessories . She is , like her younger sister something of a freak for a great nail polish , and like her sister , has a collection . She loves music and is a rabid fan of Neil Diamond and a couple of boy bands ( okay , I am going to have to ding her on the boy bands . . . lolol ) . She loves hamburgers and ice cream , puppies and kittens and any fabric that is soft , fluffy or furry . My sister is not a " tard " of any kind . Yes , she is retarded . Developmentally , in many ways , she is about . . . Three . Emotionally , a little older in some ways . She is not an insult . She is not insulting and she doesn 't deserve to be used as such ! So please , next time you think you might want to hit someone or yourself or something or an action with a whatever - tard ( ed ) type of put down , remember whom you are hurting . Remember that retarded persons are just that . Persons . And they don 't need to be abused in this fashion . Whew ! Speaking of whew ! Word on the street is that it is supposed to warm up a bit around here . Guess it is about time . It is almost officially Summer . It was bound to happen sooner or later . Okay , I need to get rolling . I want another cup of java , I need to read your blogs , have some brekkie and get some stuff done , get myself into the shower and pulled together and so forth and I am not going to get all of it done , sitting here wearing my fingers out on my keyboard . Oh yeah . . . Been having pretty good days , with the food . Trying to do better with the water . I will do better with the water , by gum ! Yes , I will . Okay , I 'm out . : D So , I just noticed I got the order of my mantra wrong on my header . And it is driving me crazy . I want to rip it down , take it back to Paint and fix it and I am not going to . For now , anyway . I need to learn to not allow little things like this to bother me so much . But the perfectionist in me is in a tizzy . I have been neglecting my poor blog . It isn 't deliberate . I just . . . Have trouble writing . Things I want to talk about don 't form and things I don 't have intention of discussing here run endlessly through my head . I have started so . many . damned . entries and written a paragraph , two or fifteen and hit the back button . I write a bit , I panic and I run like a squirrel being chased by a slavering dog . I get like this , sometimes . I 'll get over it . Trust me . Then I will be back to driving you all insane with my constant random nattering . : P Did I mention that I am in a foul mood , today ? I am in such a bad mood that I am pouting , I am not going to shower ( don 't worry , I am not gross . . . I took one last night before I went to bed , last night ) I am not going to put any makeup on and I am not going to talk to anyone . I am , however determined to have another good day . I have had more good than bad , this week . Go me . * pffffft ! * Every day should be a good one . I know this . Working on it . Okay , howz about a little BYOC ? Oh , and before I forget , Draz , your feathers are fab . I can 't wait to see your blue ones . : D I do make my bed , every day . It is an ingrained habit , from my earliest childhood . My bed isn 't made , at the moment because I need to wash my sheets , so that is waiting to be done . Otherwise , yeah . . . My day doesn 't start until my featherbed is rotated and fluffed to perfection , my sheets smooth and just as I like them and turned perfectly over the top of my blanket and quilt , pillows fluffed just so and stacked as I like them . No , I am not going to show a pic . Sorry . : P Maybe when ( if ) I get a chance to get bedding I am proud to show off . 2 . Johnny Cash or Elvis ? Thin crust pizza or deep dish ? Coke or Pepsi ? Beer or wine or neither ? Neither . I don 't care for Country music in the least and Elvis is just frakking annoying on any level . If I am going to do pizza , ( solidly in my No Fly Zone , at present ! ! ! ) it needs to be deep dish or at least thick crust . Pepperoni , olives , mushrooms ( extra mushrooms , please ! ) onions and extra cheese . Light on the sauce . Or pineapple and Canadian bacon . Great , now I want to call Pizza Hut . They deliver . Gah ! Thanks a lot , Draz . : P Ooops ! Missed one ! Pepsi , definitely . With lots and lots of ice , please . ( If I drink a regular soda , which happens once or twice a year . Maybe . ) Coke is gross . I seriously can 't stand the taste of that stuff . No beer for me , thankyouverymuch . The only time I ever drink the stuff is when I am shooting pool . It has to be Coors Light in a long neck bottle , ice , ice , ice cold . I sip at it and as soon as the temp rises the least little bit , I have to chuck it and get a new one that fits the aforementioned requirements . Otherwise , it is wine . I prefer white to red . Preferably sparkling . I like the bubbles to tickle my beak . And yes , I am one of those disgusting people who likes sweeter wines , still or sparkling . 3 . I recently went through my list of blogs I follow and was at my limit so I unfollowed bloggers who haven 't blogged in at least 6 months . I want to start following some more new blogs . Who 's your fave lately ? Funniest ? Most inspiring ? Can you link them for me ? ? Sorry , I am blog sucking , right now . But I know what you mean about having to take care of my blogroll . I need to do that here and over at my Nail Parlour . I hate to bounce anyone off my blogroll , I always hope that they will start posting , again . But there comes a time when I have to harden my heart and clear some away . If I see that they are popping up on other blogs , tho I will go ahead and add them back . : ) It 's getting hot in here . I think I 'll go fire up my A / C . And I have to pee like a racehorse . Did you know that if you take more Biotin than your body needs you pee bright , almost fluorescent green pee ? True story . I am going to kill that asshole with the drums . Posted by It is a nice , warm afternoon . It is 87 , right now . Probably top out right around 90 . Thankful for air conditioning , I am . It isn 't too bad in here , right now but later in the afternoon when the sun swings over , our windows that face full West will enable Old Sol to heat this place up like a brick pizza oven . ( Mmmm . . . Brick oven pizza . . . * drool * ) I have had the headache from hell for two days , now . I am so ready for this one to abate . I had bad stabbies , last night . I was cutting out coupons and chatting with Patrick when they hit and nearly knocked me off my sofa . All I can do when the stabbies come is drop whatever I am doing , grab my head and try to breathe and stay alive . Thankfully , they don 't last a long time . I usually get one or two episodes lasting one to three minutes . Sometimes three . They hit in rapid succession and are over then for a while . I never know when they are going to hit and I can 't do anything to stop them . I do know that they usually hit when my headache is especially powerful and concentrated in the area above my right temple . But other than that , I have no control . So yeah . . . Ready for this one to go buh - bye . I have had enough fun with this round , fo shizz . I probably have another three days or so then it should taper off a bit . Bleargh . Yesterday . Yesterday I had an encounter with a box of oyster crackers . I did manage to stop myself before I polished off the box . Or even half if it , amazingly enough . Still . . . Not good . Today is going really well , I am dedicating myself to drinking more water , again . I had slacked off for a while , only getting in about two quarts a day . But I am making an effort to do better , again . I really do feel better when I drink more . I have a one quart stainless steel water bottle that I try to drink to empty four or five times in a day . It really isn 't that hard . I just need to stop being an idiot and do it . Just like I need to stop being an idiot and stay out of the fucking oyster crackers . I know what triggered that particular little episode . Light clam chowder . Methinks it is time to stop letting light clam chowder into my house for a while . I don 't like it eat it without crackers and I can 't stop myself at the proper serving so I need to not have the chowdah . I am becoming more aware of my triggers , lately . I was just cruising along and not giving them too much thought but I need to . I need to learn more about how my head works , how something that , in and of it 's self is perfectly acceptable to eat can be unacceptable because it is a trigger to eat something I shouldn 't . I think that pinning that down will help me to be even more aware , mindful and make it possible for me to keep myself more solidly on track . Geeze ! Who forgot to tell me that this was going to be so damned much work ? lolol But , in the long run it will be worth it . I need to know how to manage my food , not just for the short term but over the course of my lifetime . This is for ever , chickens . I am not " just on a diet " . I am dieting , now to learn to be a healthy weight for the rest of my life . Okay , I need to wrap this natter up . I am beginning to bore myself and my head is doing that brain pulse thing I love sooo much . ( Not stabbies , this is the whoomp - whoomp - whoomp in time to my beating heart . Fun . ) Geeze , I hate finding typos after I publish my post ! I have to go back and edit as many times as it takes . Because you know I can 't find the fucking things when I do my pre publish read through . They hide . That is all I can think of . They hide and like to pop out after the fact to drive me crazy and make me work too hard . It is warm , today and breezy . Summer is beginning to show it 's self during the day but it is still cooling down nicely at night . I don 't mind hotter days too much when I know that the evening will be refreshing . I don 't really have a lot to natter about , right now . I had a pretty good day , yesterday . I did fall to the lure of some baked salt and pepper chips , but I controlled my portion , rather than crunching out of the bag and was in my target range so I am good . : D My head is bad , today . I was haloing a lot day before yesterday so I knew this was coming . Bleargh ! Okay , I have to get going . I have stuff to do , I need to shower and get some war paint on and so forth . I 'll see you all , later . I just ate the yummiest salad for lunch . Salad greens , some little yellow cherry tomatoes , some grapes and spritzer and some cold grilled chicken . Nom , nom , nom . I have been blogging on this blog for a year and four months . I came to Blogger quite by accident . Someone I know had breast cancer and started a Blogger blog to talk out her process , treatment and vent . I started a blog for the sole purpose of having a GFC name so that I could read and comment on her blog . Happily , she is just fine ! She had a fast cure and should live a long , healthy and happy life surrounded by her family and friends . : D I posted here a little , here and there . I wasn 't really sure if I was going to run with this . If I really wanted to . I was teetering on the edge of making a huge change in my life and being led to Blogger gave me the push I needed to jump into the abyss and fly . I know that this is going to sound really weird and maybe a little sick , but it isn 't meant that way ; I am convinced that her cancer saved my life . I was in real trouble . I was over four hundred pounds and headed upward . Rapidly . Starting this blog , finding your blogs is what helped me to turn that around . I am deeply grateful to her and to all of you . You never know how , and in what way your life , your experiences are going to touch others . Change and even save lives . All without knowing you are doing it . 2 . Tell me about your perfect mate - if you could invent him / her ? I have worn fake eyelashes exactly once , in my life . They were part of a Hallowe ' en costume and I loved them . Waving those big fans all over the place was just about the best fun I ever had with a beauty product . I have given a lot of thought to buying some lashes and wearing them . I like the look , maybe not for every day . But they could be fun for now and then . Lashes have come a long way from the ones I used so many years ago . They are more refined , more natural looking but still give that length and pow you want . They are also supposed to be easier to use . I 'm just afraid that they would brush on my glasses . : P Hellz yeah ! One of my biggest dreams is to have reconstructive surgery when I reach my goal . I know that some of what I am going to require will be covered by insurance , if my doc and I can build a solid enough case for it . The rest . . . Well I guess when the time comes , a few armored car heists should take care of it . ( joke ! ! ) But maybe , somehow it can happen . It is a ways away , so heaven only knows , I have plenty of time to think about it . I will need my gut , butt , legs , abdomen , boobs , arms and mons all done . By that time my neck and face are going to need a little attention , as well . Big dreamer , I know . But hey , a girl has to have something to shoot for , right ? : D To have or not have plastic surgery is a deeply personal decision . While I am all for going under the knife to complete the work I am currently doing , not everyone feels the same way . I respect every choice , to or not to and I would never presume to insist that my choice would or should be yours . < 3 In blogland ? The bitch is back . And she is loaded for bear and ready to kick her own ass . In real life , life goes on . I am a little busy and finding things to keep myself occupied , rather than wanting to sit on my ass snacking on stuff I have no business going anywhere near . I have been resting my trashed out knee . I hope to get out to start walking again , soon . I chopped a couple of inches off my hair , yesterday . I think that I have finally , after three . long . years rid my hair of the last traces of the Great Henna Removal Attempt Disaster of 2008 . The final bit of peroxided horror that was my roots almost exactly three years ago were my ends and just looking at them made me mad , sad and in need of getting rid of them , once and for all . I hate to cut my hair . But I am happy to have those nasty , trashed ends gone ! My hair was past the middle of my back , bra strap length on me and losing those inches really hurt . It is still long , by most peoples standards , about BSL on a normal gal with normal boobs and a normal bra that rides in the normal spot . It will grow . And this time I can enjoy seeing the length increase instead of my poor ends just breaking as fast as my roots produced new hair . I am having another good , strong day , today . I am eating well , putting my water down and my mind is clear , calm and things are good . I also figured out how to apply sunless tanning lotion ( I am using and loving Jergen 's Natural Glow , right now ) to the parts of my back that I couldn 't reach with my hands . Yay ! Now the rest of my back will soon match the rest of me . Does anyone else tan their ass ? I know it doesn 't make it any smaller but I like to think that a nice , glowing , golden ass , as big as it is , is a bit less horrid than a big , pasty white ass . And I don 't care what anyone says . . . Tanned batwings definitely look better than white , highly reflective batwings . A tan makes my upper arms look a little less huge and floppy . And I need all the help I can get . lol Okay . I guess that is about it , for now . Oh yeah . If you are a public servant and you are going to publicly tweet ( guess that idiot has never heard of Direct Messaging ? ) your junk to someone , you need to be prepared for the fallout . Resign , Representative Weiner . You are a blight on our party and making us all look like a bunch of asses . ( No pun intended . . . : p ) I have about five seconds and then I have to hit the ground running . I am going to do BYOC . Promise ! I just need a little time . Yesterday was a stellar day . Two in a row . . . Can we say that I am on a roll ? Man I hope so . I am sick of this shit . And this fat . Boy . . . Talk about avoidance . I can do it well . And , was I ever . I knew that I was neglecting myself , I knew that I wasn 't nourishing myself properly . I was making excuses , justifying this treat and that handful of something salty . And avoiding my blog just enabled my behaviour . So , the avoidance went to ground , yesterday . I got on my scale . For the first time in a long time and . . . I was exactly the same weight I was last time I weighed , lo , so long ago . So , okay . I maintained . I feel as if I dodged a bullet . But not so much , really , when you think about it . I had to have lost a little then gained it back with my idiotic eating . So , winner ? Uh . . . No . Seeing 285 in glaring black and grey , not speculating , not justifying , not bullshitting myself gave me a little Come to Jesus moment and I had a stellar day , yesterday . I plan to do the same today . I am not going to think about tomorrow . I will deal with that when it comes . My knee is better . I am planning to hit the trails tonight . And hopefully all will go well with that . I have had to rest this frakking knee for over a week and I need exercise . I need fresh air and I need to get back into my rhythm . I had a nice , long chat with my mother , the other day . I was supposed to be cleaning my bathroom but I decided that I needed to hear my mother 's voice more than I needed to be inhaling cleaner fumes so I give her a shout . I was only going to procrastinate on the phone for a few minutes but we ended up talking for over an hour and a half . She is doing fine . She still won 't go get testing and treatment . She keeps looking us shit on the Internet and following what she reads . I finally broke down and told her how I truly feel about what she is doing . I couldn 't hold back and thankfully , our relationship is good enough , our understanding of one another so deep that she gets that I needed to express my anger at the situation and my fear for her and not be offended or angered . I needed to say the things I did . And she needed to hear them . It cleared the air between us and it took a humongous weight off my shoulders . A weight I wasn 't even aware was there until I unloaded it . I love my mother . She isn 't just my mother . She is my best friend , my closest kindred spirit and my hero . And I needed her to hear that and too hear that while I don 't agree with her choices , that I want her to take an entirely different course , I love her , I respect her right to make her own choices about her body and her health and I support her . No matter what . Shit ! I 'm crying , again . I went through this when my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer . So , having another parent with cancer is a little much for me to absorb , sometimes . It is going to be a warm one , today . Projected high is 89 . It is 72 , already . But with the windows open and the fans on it is nice , in here . Later , when the sun swings over and heats this joint up I will have to close the place down and fire up the A / C . The way this place is built , the sun beats down all day and by afternoon , it get stifling in here . I avoid using the A / C as much as I can but it is necessary in the afternoon . After the sin goes down and the house is cooled , we can usually turn it off , open the windows and be fine . A little warm but not too bad . I think that Summer is ramping up , at last around here . It is nothing compared to the heatwave in other areas of the country , for sure . Any of you reading this ( is anyone still reading ? lol ) in the superstupidhothothot areas stay cool and stay safe ! Especially when you are out exercising . Go early in the morning or after the sun starts to set . That is a little wisdom from your friend in the Desert Southwest . ; ) So , yes . I am back . No more avoidance . No more bullshit . I need your blogs and words and support and I need to care enough about myself to keep on keeping on . I need to stop with the stupid excuses , justifications , laziness and avoiding my scale . I am worth staying my course , getting this job done and saving my life and my health . And I need all of your help . I can 't stay away and do this all by myself . Okay I need to have my coffee and brekkie and catch up on blogs , here . I also need to do some housework , get my face on and do my nails . I got a new pretty in the mail yesterday and I am dying to get it on my nails . : D I spoke about shattering preconceived notions in my earlier post . And I got another one shattered , today . You see , I went shoe shopping . I decided to hit Sears , since they usually have a pretty good selection of athletic type shoes and they are all on sale , right now . So , in I went . I had decided that I needed Reebok walking shoes , size 10 wide . I walked out in a pair of New Balance size 10 medium running shoes . lol But they are so perfect . So comfortable and supportive . And I love how light they are and the bounce and forward thrust I get from them . And they aren 't white . They are grey , silver and trimmed in pink . I love how they look . No more huge - ass white land yachts on the ends of my legs . I am determined not to wear the same pair of shoes for over ten years , anymore . From now on , I am getting new ones when I need them . Now , if my frakking knee would just feel better . It is still sore but I can walk and shop and so forth with much less discomfort . I am going to continue to rest and pamper it for the rest of the weekend . I am hopeful that I will be out on the trails in my new shoes Monday afternoon . : D I am going to get a rare weekend day to myself , tomorrow . William and Patrick are going down to the Valley with my BIL to see a ballgame at Chase Field . They got tickets for a luxury suite from William 's employer and they are going to have a guy 's day . They will watch the game in air conditioned splendor with comfy , padded chairs and all the food and drink they can stuff and guzzle . Patrick will love that . He can eat himself into a coma . lol The last time they saw a game in a suite was about five years ago . So this will be fun for the boyz . And here at home it will just be me and the furbags . Ahhh . . . Peace . : ) Oh ! Remember the neighbours I was bitching about ? He of the big , loud mouth and both of them of the obnoxious cigarette smoke ? Well , she got transferred and they have moved out ! They loaded up the last of their shit today and they are gone ! Yay ! At least I think they are gone . . . They left two outdoor chairs out on their front deck . I am hoping that they just left them behind and that it doesn 't mean that they are coming back for any time . They aren 't bad people and I could even live with his loud mouth but the smoke . . . Yuk ! I am over it and happy to not have my house filled with it , all the time . I am so pissed , I broke a nail while I was shoe shopping , today . I got careless , lacing on what felt like my thousandth pair and took a chunk out of my left thumbnail . Shit ! And I had my nails at the perfect length for me , they were shaped just as I like them and I had no patches . Now this . * sigh * So I will be filing all of my nails down and growing them all out , again . Bleargh ! Obviously , it is Friday . Time to release a little of my nut - y - ness on you all . 1 . If you could pick any name on Earth for yourself - would you change yours and what would it be ? I am pretty happy with my name . It isn 't terribly common but it isn 't so rare as to be an oddity to some ears . When I was a kid , I honestly hated my name , I got teased mercilessly by the endless parades of Kathys Susans and Billys about my " weird , no one has a name like THAT ! name " . While my name isn 't all that rare , it does have a different spelling , which sets me a little apart . I have no desire to change my name . I think it suits me . : ) 2 . If you 're a worker - outer … what time do you partake in such activities ? There are SO many theories about when it 's best and not best to work out … . like the morning is better since you have an empty stomach or the night is not good because you won 't be able to sleep … etc , etc . - so I 'd like to hear your theories . I prefer to walk in the morning but my routine isn 't friendly to walking in the morning so I do it in the late afternoon or early evening , most of the time . As long as I do it , I guess . . . I have to exercise on an empty stomach . I know that the experts say to have a little something a little while before a workout but if I eat before exercise I will throw up . I sleep just fine after a late afternoon or evening walk . Sometimes , I think people just pull shit out of their ass and spread it as workout gospel . Remember , people are different . We all need to do what works for us . 3 . If you drive a car - what kind is it and if you could drive any car - what would it be ? An old gas guzzling Jeep Cherokee . I hate that car . But it is paid for and it gets us from point A to point B and is reliable so I can 't complain . In reality , I would like to have another Nissan Pathfinder or something similar . I love foreign SUVs . They run beautifully , are comfortable and drive like a dream . I like an SUV because it is roomy for all the things I need to do with a car but it isn 't a truck or a van . It is just . . . Perfect . : ) My fantasy car is a Bently . One I go to England to personally design to my exact specifications and have shipped home to me . Now . . . To dump my husband and go find me a sugar daddy . ; ) 4 . Can you be totally honest in answering this next question and tell me what you think of tattoos ? More importantly - what do you think of the people who have tattoos - specifically women ? I think that tattoos are , like anything else we do with our bodies a deeply personal choice . While I think that there are a lot of people out there getting ink because it is trendy and rebellious , I do believe that a large segment of those who are tattooed are so because it is deeply meaningful for them . Tattoos tell their story , express their love , desire , fear , joy . They are memorials , family trees and portrait galleries . And yes , just plain fun . I don 't think that people who have tattoos are trash . Honestly , I used to . And that isn 't something I am proud of . Like many people , I was raised to believe that bikers , druggies , lowlifes and nasty old sailors were the only people who got tattoos . And a woman with a tattoo ? She wasn 't to be mentioned . Much less associated with . I look back at that I and I am horrified . At those who taught me those biases and at myself for buying into them . A lot of my perceptions about people with tattoos were changed when I worked in a Laughlin casino in the late 80 's , early 90 's . There used to be a yearly event , ( I don 't know if it is still going on . In recent years , there has been a lot of trouble with hardcore gangs infiltrating the event and causing serious trouble and even some shootings ) a charity run by bikers , mostly from the Southern California area called the River Run . They would descend on us every year . Bike motors growling , leather squeaking , they would gamble , drink , carouse , ( but rarely ever cause any real trouble ) raise money for good causes , then roar out of town , leaving us all reeling in their exhaust fumes . Our biker guests were almost all tattooed , some a little , some a whole hell of a lot . They wore hardcore garb and took no shit off of anyone . And , much to my surprise , most of them were professionals . Doctors . Surgeons . Attorneys . Accountants . High powered executives , some of Fortune 500 companies . Bigwigs in the movie biz . The odd actor or rocker . Okay , so the rockers being tattooed wasn 't much of a surprise . lol But , to see that so many very " mainstream " peoI don 't have any tattoos , at present . But I haven 't ruled out the possibility of having one done . In fact , I have an ongoing design in progress in my head , transforming and changing until it is perfect , waiting for the day that I may finally decide to have it done . I know what I want , the colours I would choose and the reasons behind it . It will likely be my one and only tattoo . I am just waiting for the right time for me . Draz , if you feel the need and desire to get another tattoo , do it ! It is your body ! Your skin ! Your choice what you do with it . I have seen pictures of some of your tattoos and I think that they are beautiful . But what I think doesn 't really matter , love . It is what you think . What you want . Let people judge , if that is what they need to do to feel better about themselves and get through life . You know your truth about who you are . That , my dear friend is all that matters . 5 . Repeat question : Summarize your week in blog land and in real life . Life goes on . I am still only blogging a couple of times a week . I am not disinterested or off the rails . Just not too chatty , right now . In real life , I kind of killed my poor left knee on the trails . I was up to nearly four miles and really rocking it . Then my knee went to hell on me . It was hurting me and I should have listened to it and rested a day but I went out . And I only got in a mile and a half . By the time I got back to the car I was limping . By the time we went to Jacob 's Well to fill my water jugs and got home , I was nearly unable to walk . I have been resting it and tottering around here for the last couple of days , praying it will feel better , soon . It still hurts . I am still resting it and hoping I can get back out there by the first of the week . I really need to get these fucking knees of mine dealt with . This is bullshit . I ate like a bit of an idiot , the last two days . Feeling sorry for myself and thinking , if I can 't walk , what is the point kind of excuses . Idiot . I am back on track . Walk or no , if I do my job I can still lose fat , I just have to do the right thing by myself . A bad knee is not an excuse . Geeze , I can be such a major fuckup , sometimes . Needless to say I don 't want to mess this up , now . I have come too far and I still have a hell of a long way to go . I am hoping to get out and get some new walking shoes , later on . I need them desperately . My old ones let dirt in through the soles , there is no cushioning or support left . And there are holes at the bend points . Yuk . Plus , I just want a new pair of shoes , dammit ! It has been years and years since I bought myself a new pair of shoes . I think I have earned one , don 't you think ? Okay , so there you have it . I am going to finish my coffee and go get my ass in the shower . I have places to go , later . I want to get shoes and I need to pop into Ross and see if they got more polish in and I just need to get out of this house for a while . If I don 't , someone is going to be bleeding . And that someone won 't be me . Posted by I can hardly believe it 's been eight years since my lap band surgery . So many good things have happened since then . I got to enjoy feeling in control of . . . I miss blogging . However , I did most of it while I was at work . Unfortunately , I don 't have access to blogger at work anymore . When I get home I veg out . . . . I 've been below my initial goal weight ( 160 ) for some time now . I have hovered up and down . My happiest weight ( where I felt best and my size six clothes w . . . What a whirlwind in the last 10 days ! I did have the surgery done on my umbilical hernia . The surgery went well and it is healing fine . Before they sedated . . . I 've recently been trying to get my blogging mojo back . There 's a book in me somewhere . I have a vague idea about what direction it might take , but the a . . . Bill and I like to go to museums . We 've lived here for years without going to the museums on Fort Sill . Yesterday we went to the artillery museum . It wa . . . Dear Shark Fitness Training , I recently saw that you were at the same Cardinals game that I was . I assume that you were sitting right behind me . I did no . . .
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So , how ' z everyone this fine morning ? I am okay . Not as funked out . Not so blue . My head is down to a Cat 1 for a change and I am out of hiding and I actually feel like blogging a little . Tho I don 't really have all that much to talk about . Go figure . : p Life is boring . My life is really , really boring . The guys have left for their jobs , leaving me and furry ones home alone . Thank you Lord ! ! ! Patrick was off , yesterday and it threw off my entire rhythm . lol So , yeah . It is morning , I am drinking coffee and plotting murder what I am going to do , today . I actually don 't have a whole lot I have to do . I worked my ass off around here , yesterday and the place looks pretty respectable . I can be a sloth , if I want . All I really need to do is run the duster , vacuum and make my bed . I can live with that . : D I am still trying to eat right . * sigh * What the fuck is my malfunction , I ask you ? ( Not literally . . . You know what I mean . ) I do really well , then I do not so well . It all adds up to maintaining my weight . No gain . ( Thank God ! ) But no loss . I mean . . . I have lost , what ? Thirteen pounds since January ? Say whaaaaaat ? Not exactly what I set out to do , here . I had expected to have nearly another fifty off by this time . And my doctor 's appointment is on August second . She will no doubt be pleased that I haven 't gained anything but dammit ! I am so mad at myself . So pissed off at my weirdness and inability to just stay on track . I am not binging . I am just eating stupid things , like some chips here , too much popcorn , there . Too much food at a meal . Healthy food still has calories and too many calories is too many calories . I know this . I know it when I do it . I know that I don 't want to . I know that it isn 't doing me any favours . Some days are diamonds . I do really well , some days . Some days are shit . It wouldn 't hurt to get my ass out and walk again , either . I miss my exercise . It has been so hot that I end up just chilling under the air vents . I am such a lazy slag . I am just not feeling today . My head is still hungover from last night 's horror show . I am feeling a little blue and I just feel like chilling . So I think I will . Nothing wrong with that , I think . Maybe I just need that . A stupidly lazy day . Hell . . . Maybe I won 't even make my bed . Good morning , everyone . I hope that you all had a great weekend . Mine was middling . Not stellar . Not awful . Saturday was a good day , yesterday was a little tough to take . Fathers Day is really bittersweet for me , since I lost my dad . This is the third one since he has been gone and it isn 't a whole lot easier . Silly little things will just up and make me cry . But the nice thing is , others will make me smile , or laugh at a particularly sweet or funny memory , so it all balances out . Tis the way of life . We have to take the pain with the joy and learn to integrate all of it into our way of being and learn to move through the wold with them . It isn 't always easy but I have to say , I would rather have my memories , my emotions and my feelings than not . Imagine how cold , sterile , empty life would be if we didn 't allow ourselves to feel , to remember , to fully experience everything , good and bad that life has to offer us . I think back at all of the years I dulled my senses , my emotions , my very essence with food and I just want to grieve for myself . I missed out on so much because I couldn 't , wouldn 't allow myself to feel , to fully experience the very things that make me human . Some of the shit that has hit me in life wasn 't good , wasn 't right , shouldn 't have happened . But , all of it , good , bad and indifferent has come together to help form and shape the person I am and continue to become . Sure , I would love to take a quick trip back and warn my younger self to zig when I zagged but I can 't and rather then running from it , I have chosen to clean out the nasty bits , throw them away and focus on the positive , the good and the future . It makes living and feeling so much better , let me tell you . It frees me from the fear and allows me to more fully experience . I am not completely fearless but I think that I am becoming more so . I am allowing myself to voice my feelings , express more of my emotions , even to the point of demanding I be heard more often . I am beginning to put my foot down and I am lifting myself up off the doorstep where I lay for so very long . It is a process and some days , I fall back down , flat and feel the feet on my back . I think it is important to know that I am taking the steps and I am not letting my stumbles turn into life killing defeat . I deserve better than that . And I think that I am , finally beginning to believe that , deep down where I really need to believe it . So , yeah . There is something that I need to talk about . Something that bothers the all mighty living hell out of me . Something that needs , I believe to be addressed . That something is the misuse of the words retarded and retard . Everywhere I read and hear people saying that this or that is " so retarded " . Or that person is such a fucktard , or I am such a fucktard . Or that woman is a freaktard or whatever form of this insult the person can create in his or her mind . This blatant misuse , dare I say abuse of these words is not only inaccurate and inappropriate , it is downright offensive . Using retarded or retard as an insult of one 's self or another person or an action or object is a blatant and direct insult to developmentally disabled persons . Retarded or developmentally disabled people aren 't so because they lack talent , intelligence , style , skill or beauty . They aren 't stupid , they don 't lack skill because they are unwilling to learn or to practice . They are born as they are . They didn 't ask for it , they didn 't bring it upon themselves and they most certainly don 't deserve , in any way shape or form to be used as a source of denigration . Or to be denigrated by this horrid word misuse . Misuse of the words retarded or retard is just as nasty , just as offensive and just as harmful and soul destroying as any misuse of words or phrases that describe any person 's race , colour , gender or sexual orientation . I seriously doubt that any of my gentle readers would use the n - word , or other racist epithets , I would hope that none of you use the word " gay " to describe something or someone or actions you don 't like or find aesthetically or otherwise unpleasing . Using the words retarded or retard is just as wrong . And it needs to stop . Now . Every time I see or hear this - tard or that tard or this or that is sooo retarded , it drives a dagger into my heart . It cuts to the very core of my spirit and causes me deep pain and anger . You see , my darling elder sister is developmentally disabled or , if you like , retarded . She was born this way . She didn 't cause it , she didn 't ask for it . She didn 't do anything wrong . No one did . She isn 't a mistake , ugly , nasty , stupid , untalented , unskilled , weird or a freak . She is a beautiful , gentle , delicate creature . She is human , formed of bone and muscle and blood . She feels , she hears , she sees , she walks and talks ( after a fashion ; ) ) she knows . She loves magazines and catalogues and TV . She adores shopping . She collects and hoards hair accessories . She is , like her younger sister something of a freak for a great nail polish , and like her sister , has a collection . She loves music and is a rabid fan of Neil Diamond and a couple of boy bands ( okay , I am going to have to ding her on the boy bands . . . lolol ) . She loves hamburgers and ice cream , puppies and kittens and any fabric that is soft , fluffy or furry . My sister is not a " tard " of any kind . Yes , she is retarded . Developmentally , in many ways , she is about . . . Three . Emotionally , a little older in some ways . She is not an insult . She is not insulting and she doesn 't deserve to be used as such ! So please , next time you think you might want to hit someone or yourself or something or an action with a whatever - tard ( ed ) type of put down , remember whom you are hurting . Remember that retarded persons are just that . Persons . And they don 't need to be abused in this fashion . Whew ! Speaking of whew ! Word on the street is that it is supposed to warm up a bit around here . Guess it is about time . It is almost officially Summer . It was bound to happen sooner or later . Okay , I need to get rolling . I want another cup of java , I need to read your blogs , have some brekkie and get some stuff done , get myself into the shower and pulled together and so forth and I am not going to get all of it done , sitting here wearing my fingers out on my keyboard . Oh yeah . . . Been having pretty good days , with the food . Trying to do better with the water . I will do better with the water , by gum ! Yes , I will . Okay , I 'm out . : D So , I just noticed I got the order of my mantra wrong on my header . And it is driving me crazy . I want to rip it down , take it back to Paint and fix it and I am not going to . For now , anyway . I need to learn to not allow little things like this to bother me so much . But the perfectionist in me is in a tizzy . I have been neglecting my poor blog . It isn 't deliberate . I just . . . Have trouble writing . Things I want to talk about don 't form and things I don 't have intention of discussing here run endlessly through my head . I have started so . many . damned . entries and written a paragraph , two or fifteen and hit the back button . I write a bit , I panic and I run like a squirrel being chased by a slavering dog . I get like this , sometimes . I 'll get over it . Trust me . Then I will be back to driving you all insane with my constant random nattering . : P Did I mention that I am in a foul mood , today ? I am in such a bad mood that I am pouting , I am not going to shower ( don 't worry , I am not gross . . . I took one last night before I went to bed , last night ) I am not going to put any makeup on and I am not going to talk to anyone . I am , however determined to have another good day . I have had more good than bad , this week . Go me . * pffffft ! * Every day should be a good one . I know this . Working on it . Okay , howz about a little BYOC ? Oh , and before I forget , Draz , your feathers are fab . I can 't wait to see your blue ones . : D I do make my bed , every day . It is an ingrained habit , from my earliest childhood . My bed isn 't made , at the moment because I need to wash my sheets , so that is waiting to be done . Otherwise , yeah . . . My day doesn 't start until my featherbed is rotated and fluffed to perfection , my sheets smooth and just as I like them and turned perfectly over the top of my blanket and quilt , pillows fluffed just so and stacked as I like them . No , I am not going to show a pic . Sorry . : P Maybe when ( if ) I get a chance to get bedding I am proud to show off . 2 . Johnny Cash or Elvis ? Thin crust pizza or deep dish ? Coke or Pepsi ? Beer or wine or neither ? Neither . I don 't care for Country music in the least and Elvis is just frakking annoying on any level . If I am going to do pizza , ( solidly in my No Fly Zone , at present ! ! ! ) it needs to be deep dish or at least thick crust . Pepperoni , olives , mushrooms ( extra mushrooms , please ! ) onions and extra cheese . Light on the sauce . Or pineapple and Canadian bacon . Great , now I want to call Pizza Hut . They deliver . Gah ! Thanks a lot , Draz . : P Ooops ! Missed one ! Pepsi , definitely . With lots and lots of ice , please . ( If I drink a regular soda , which happens once or twice a year . Maybe . ) Coke is gross . I seriously can 't stand the taste of that stuff . No beer for me , thankyouverymuch . The only time I ever drink the stuff is when I am shooting pool . It has to be Coors Light in a long neck bottle , ice , ice , ice cold . I sip at it and as soon as the temp rises the least little bit , I have to chuck it and get a new one that fits the aforementioned requirements . Otherwise , it is wine . I prefer white to red . Preferably sparkling . I like the bubbles to tickle my beak . And yes , I am one of those disgusting people who likes sweeter wines , still or sparkling . 3 . I recently went through my list of blogs I follow and was at my limit so I unfollowed bloggers who haven 't blogged in at least 6 months . I want to start following some more new blogs . Who 's your fave lately ? Funniest ? Most inspiring ? Can you link them for me ? ? Sorry , I am blog sucking , right now . But I know what you mean about having to take care of my blogroll . I need to do that here and over at my Nail Parlour . I hate to bounce anyone off my blogroll , I always hope that they will start posting , again . But there comes a time when I have to harden my heart and clear some away . If I see that they are popping up on other blogs , tho I will go ahead and add them back . : ) It 's getting hot in here . I think I 'll go fire up my A / C . And I have to pee like a racehorse . Did you know that if you take more Biotin than your body needs you pee bright , almost fluorescent green pee ? True story . I am going to kill that asshole with the drums . Posted by It is a nice , warm afternoon . It is 87 , right now . Probably top out right around 90 . Thankful for air conditioning , I am . It isn 't too bad in here , right now but later in the afternoon when the sun swings over , our windows that face full West will enable Old Sol to heat this place up like a brick pizza oven . ( Mmmm . . . Brick oven pizza . . . * drool * ) I have had the headache from hell for two days , now . I am so ready for this one to abate . I had bad stabbies , last night . I was cutting out coupons and chatting with Patrick when they hit and nearly knocked me off my sofa . All I can do when the stabbies come is drop whatever I am doing , grab my head and try to breathe and stay alive . Thankfully , they don 't last a long time . I usually get one or two episodes lasting one to three minutes . Sometimes three . They hit in rapid succession and are over then for a while . I never know when they are going to hit and I can 't do anything to stop them . I do know that they usually hit when my headache is especially powerful and concentrated in the area above my right temple . But other than that , I have no control . So yeah . . . Ready for this one to go buh - bye . I have had enough fun with this round , fo shizz . I probably have another three days or so then it should taper off a bit . Bleargh . Yesterday . Yesterday I had an encounter with a box of oyster crackers . I did manage to stop myself before I polished off the box . Or even half if it , amazingly enough . Still . . . Not good . Today is going really well , I am dedicating myself to drinking more water , again . I had slacked off for a while , only getting in about two quarts a day . But I am making an effort to do better , again . I really do feel better when I drink more . I have a one quart stainless steel water bottle that I try to drink to empty four or five times in a day . It really isn 't that hard . I just need to stop being an idiot and do it . Just like I need to stop being an idiot and stay out of the fucking oyster crackers . I know what triggered that particular little episode . Light clam chowder . Methinks it is time to stop letting light clam chowder into my house for a while . I don 't like it eat it without crackers and I can 't stop myself at the proper serving so I need to not have the chowdah . I am becoming more aware of my triggers , lately . I was just cruising along and not giving them too much thought but I need to . I need to learn more about how my head works , how something that , in and of it 's self is perfectly acceptable to eat can be unacceptable because it is a trigger to eat something I shouldn 't . I think that pinning that down will help me to be even more aware , mindful and make it possible for me to keep myself more solidly on track . Geeze ! Who forgot to tell me that this was going to be so damned much work ? lolol But , in the long run it will be worth it . I need to know how to manage my food , not just for the short term but over the course of my lifetime . This is for ever , chickens . I am not " just on a diet " . I am dieting , now to learn to be a healthy weight for the rest of my life . Okay , I need to wrap this natter up . I am beginning to bore myself and my head is doing that brain pulse thing I love sooo much . ( Not stabbies , this is the whoomp - whoomp - whoomp in time to my beating heart . Fun . ) Geeze , I hate finding typos after I publish my post ! I have to go back and edit as many times as it takes . Because you know I can 't find the fucking things when I do my pre publish read through . They hide . That is all I can think of . They hide and like to pop out after the fact to drive me crazy and make me work too hard . It is warm , today and breezy . Summer is beginning to show it 's self during the day but it is still cooling down nicely at night . I don 't mind hotter days too much when I know that the evening will be refreshing . I don 't really have a lot to natter about , right now . I had a pretty good day , yesterday . I did fall to the lure of some baked salt and pepper chips , but I controlled my portion , rather than crunching out of the bag and was in my target range so I am good . : D My head is bad , today . I was haloing a lot day before yesterday so I knew this was coming . Bleargh ! Okay , I have to get going . I have stuff to do , I need to shower and get some war paint on and so forth . I 'll see you all , later . I just ate the yummiest salad for lunch . Salad greens , some little yellow cherry tomatoes , some grapes and spritzer and some cold grilled chicken . Nom , nom , nom . I have been blogging on this blog for a year and four months . I came to Blogger quite by accident . Someone I know had breast cancer and started a Blogger blog to talk out her process , treatment and vent . I started a blog for the sole purpose of having a GFC name so that I could read and comment on her blog . Happily , she is just fine ! She had a fast cure and should live a long , healthy and happy life surrounded by her family and friends . : D I posted here a little , here and there . I wasn 't really sure if I was going to run with this . If I really wanted to . I was teetering on the edge of making a huge change in my life and being led to Blogger gave me the push I needed to jump into the abyss and fly . I know that this is going to sound really weird and maybe a little sick , but it isn 't meant that way ; I am convinced that her cancer saved my life . I was in real trouble . I was over four hundred pounds and headed upward . Rapidly . Starting this blog , finding your blogs is what helped me to turn that around . I am deeply grateful to her and to all of you . You never know how , and in what way your life , your experiences are going to touch others . Change and even save lives . All without knowing you are doing it . 2 . Tell me about your perfect mate - if you could invent him / her ? I have worn fake eyelashes exactly once , in my life . They were part of a Hallowe ' en costume and I loved them . Waving those big fans all over the place was just about the best fun I ever had with a beauty product . I have given a lot of thought to buying some lashes and wearing them . I like the look , maybe not for every day . But they could be fun for now and then . Lashes have come a long way from the ones I used so many years ago . They are more refined , more natural looking but still give that length and pow you want . They are also supposed to be easier to use . I 'm just afraid that they would brush on my glasses . : P Hellz yeah ! One of my biggest dreams is to have reconstructive surgery when I reach my goal . I know that some of what I am going to require will be covered by insurance , if my doc and I can build a solid enough case for it . The rest . . . Well I guess when the time comes , a few armored car heists should take care of it . ( joke ! ! ) But maybe , somehow it can happen . It is a ways away , so heaven only knows , I have plenty of time to think about it . I will need my gut , butt , legs , abdomen , boobs , arms and mons all done . By that time my neck and face are going to need a little attention , as well . Big dreamer , I know . But hey , a girl has to have something to shoot for , right ? : D To have or not have plastic surgery is a deeply personal decision . While I am all for going under the knife to complete the work I am currently doing , not everyone feels the same way . I respect every choice , to or not to and I would never presume to insist that my choice would or should be yours . < 3 In blogland ? The bitch is back . And she is loaded for bear and ready to kick her own ass . In real life , life goes on . I am a little busy and finding things to keep myself occupied , rather than wanting to sit on my ass snacking on stuff I have no business going anywhere near . I have been resting my trashed out knee . I hope to get out to start walking again , soon . I chopped a couple of inches off my hair , yesterday . I think that I have finally , after three . long . years rid my hair of the last traces of the Great Henna Removal Attempt Disaster of 2008 . The final bit of peroxided horror that was my roots almost exactly three years ago were my ends and just looking at them made me mad , sad and in need of getting rid of them , once and for all . I hate to cut my hair . But I am happy to have those nasty , trashed ends gone ! My hair was past the middle of my back , bra strap length on me and losing those inches really hurt . It is still long , by most peoples standards , about BSL on a normal gal with normal boobs and a normal bra that rides in the normal spot . It will grow . And this time I can enjoy seeing the length increase instead of my poor ends just breaking as fast as my roots produced new hair . I am having another good , strong day , today . I am eating well , putting my water down and my mind is clear , calm and things are good . I also figured out how to apply sunless tanning lotion ( I am using and loving Jergen 's Natural Glow , right now ) to the parts of my back that I couldn 't reach with my hands . Yay ! Now the rest of my back will soon match the rest of me . Does anyone else tan their ass ? I know it doesn 't make it any smaller but I like to think that a nice , glowing , golden ass , as big as it is , is a bit less horrid than a big , pasty white ass . And I don 't care what anyone says . . . Tanned batwings definitely look better than white , highly reflective batwings . A tan makes my upper arms look a little less huge and floppy . And I need all the help I can get . lol Okay . I guess that is about it , for now . Oh yeah . If you are a public servant and you are going to publicly tweet ( guess that idiot has never heard of Direct Messaging ? ) your junk to someone , you need to be prepared for the fallout . Resign , Representative Weiner . You are a blight on our party and making us all look like a bunch of asses . ( No pun intended . . . : p ) I have about five seconds and then I have to hit the ground running . I am going to do BYOC . Promise ! I just need a little time . Yesterday was a stellar day . Two in a row . . . Can we say that I am on a roll ? Man I hope so . I am sick of this shit . And this fat . Boy . . . Talk about avoidance . I can do it well . And , was I ever . I knew that I was neglecting myself , I knew that I wasn 't nourishing myself properly . I was making excuses , justifying this treat and that handful of something salty . And avoiding my blog just enabled my behaviour . So , the avoidance went to ground , yesterday . I got on my scale . For the first time in a long time and . . . I was exactly the same weight I was last time I weighed , lo , so long ago . So , okay . I maintained . I feel as if I dodged a bullet . But not so much , really , when you think about it . I had to have lost a little then gained it back with my idiotic eating . So , winner ? Uh . . . No . Seeing 285 in glaring black and grey , not speculating , not justifying , not bullshitting myself gave me a little Come to Jesus moment and I had a stellar day , yesterday . I plan to do the same today . I am not going to think about tomorrow . I will deal with that when it comes . My knee is better . I am planning to hit the trails tonight . And hopefully all will go well with that . I have had to rest this frakking knee for over a week and I need exercise . I need fresh air and I need to get back into my rhythm . I had a nice , long chat with my mother , the other day . I was supposed to be cleaning my bathroom but I decided that I needed to hear my mother 's voice more than I needed to be inhaling cleaner fumes so I give her a shout . I was only going to procrastinate on the phone for a few minutes but we ended up talking for over an hour and a half . She is doing fine . She still won 't go get testing and treatment . She keeps looking us shit on the Internet and following what she reads . I finally broke down and told her how I truly feel about what she is doing . I couldn 't hold back and thankfully , our relationship is good enough , our understanding of one another so deep that she gets that I needed to express my anger at the situation and my fear for her and not be offended or angered . I needed to say the things I did . And she needed to hear them . It cleared the air between us and it took a humongous weight off my shoulders . A weight I wasn 't even aware was there until I unloaded it . I love my mother . She isn 't just my mother . She is my best friend , my closest kindred spirit and my hero . And I needed her to hear that and too hear that while I don 't agree with her choices , that I want her to take an entirely different course , I love her , I respect her right to make her own choices about her body and her health and I support her . No matter what . Shit ! I 'm crying , again . I went through this when my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer . So , having another parent with cancer is a little much for me to absorb , sometimes . It is going to be a warm one , today . Projected high is 89 . It is 72 , already . But with the windows open and the fans on it is nice , in here . Later , when the sun swings over and heats this joint up I will have to close the place down and fire up the A / C . The way this place is built , the sun beats down all day and by afternoon , it get stifling in here . I avoid using the A / C as much as I can but it is necessary in the afternoon . After the sin goes down and the house is cooled , we can usually turn it off , open the windows and be fine . A little warm but not too bad . I think that Summer is ramping up , at last around here . It is nothing compared to the heatwave in other areas of the country , for sure . Any of you reading this ( is anyone still reading ? lol ) in the superstupidhothothot areas stay cool and stay safe ! Especially when you are out exercising . Go early in the morning or after the sun starts to set . That is a little wisdom from your friend in the Desert Southwest . ; ) So , yes . I am back . No more avoidance . No more bullshit . I need your blogs and words and support and I need to care enough about myself to keep on keeping on . I need to stop with the stupid excuses , justifications , laziness and avoiding my scale . I am worth staying my course , getting this job done and saving my life and my health . And I need all of your help . I can 't stay away and do this all by myself . Okay I need to have my coffee and brekkie and catch up on blogs , here . I also need to do some housework , get my face on and do my nails . I got a new pretty in the mail yesterday and I am dying to get it on my nails . : D I spoke about shattering preconceived notions in my earlier post . And I got another one shattered , today . You see , I went shoe shopping . I decided to hit Sears , since they usually have a pretty good selection of athletic type shoes and they are all on sale , right now . So , in I went . I had decided that I needed Reebok walking shoes , size 10 wide . I walked out in a pair of New Balance size 10 medium running shoes . lol But they are so perfect . So comfortable and supportive . And I love how light they are and the bounce and forward thrust I get from them . And they aren 't white . They are grey , silver and trimmed in pink . I love how they look . No more huge - ass white land yachts on the ends of my legs . I am determined not to wear the same pair of shoes for over ten years , anymore . From now on , I am getting new ones when I need them . Now , if my frakking knee would just feel better . It is still sore but I can walk and shop and so forth with much less discomfort . I am going to continue to rest and pamper it for the rest of the weekend . I am hopeful that I will be out on the trails in my new shoes Monday afternoon . : D I am going to get a rare weekend day to myself , tomorrow . William and Patrick are going down to the Valley with my BIL to see a ballgame at Chase Field . They got tickets for a luxury suite from William 's employer and they are going to have a guy 's day . They will watch the game in air conditioned splendor with comfy , padded chairs and all the food and drink they can stuff and guzzle . Patrick will love that . He can eat himself into a coma . lol The last time they saw a game in a suite was about five years ago . So this will be fun for the boyz . And here at home it will just be me and the furbags . Ahhh . . . Peace . : ) Oh ! Remember the neighbours I was bitching about ? He of the big , loud mouth and both of them of the obnoxious cigarette smoke ? Well , she got transferred and they have moved out ! They loaded up the last of their shit today and they are gone ! Yay ! At least I think they are gone . . . They left two outdoor chairs out on their front deck . I am hoping that they just left them behind and that it doesn 't mean that they are coming back for any time . They aren 't bad people and I could even live with his loud mouth but the smoke . . . Yuk ! I am over it and happy to not have my house filled with it , all the time . I am so pissed , I broke a nail while I was shoe shopping , today . I got careless , lacing on what felt like my thousandth pair and took a chunk out of my left thumbnail . Shit ! And I had my nails at the perfect length for me , they were shaped just as I like them and I had no patches . Now this . * sigh * So I will be filing all of my nails down and growing them all out , again . Bleargh ! Obviously , it is Friday . Time to release a little of my nut - y - ness on you all . 1 . If you could pick any name on Earth for yourself - would you change yours and what would it be ? I am pretty happy with my name . It isn 't terribly common but it isn 't so rare as to be an oddity to some ears . When I was a kid , I honestly hated my name , I got teased mercilessly by the endless parades of Kathys Susans and Billys about my " weird , no one has a name like THAT ! name " . While my name isn 't all that rare , it does have a different spelling , which sets me a little apart . I have no desire to change my name . I think it suits me . : ) 2 . If you 're a worker - outer … what time do you partake in such activities ? There are SO many theories about when it 's best and not best to work out … . like the morning is better since you have an empty stomach or the night is not good because you won 't be able to sleep … etc , etc . - so I 'd like to hear your theories . I prefer to walk in the morning but my routine isn 't friendly to walking in the morning so I do it in the late afternoon or early evening , most of the time . As long as I do it , I guess . . . I have to exercise on an empty stomach . I know that the experts say to have a little something a little while before a workout but if I eat before exercise I will throw up . I sleep just fine after a late afternoon or evening walk . Sometimes , I think people just pull shit out of their ass and spread it as workout gospel . Remember , people are different . We all need to do what works for us . 3 . If you drive a car - what kind is it and if you could drive any car - what would it be ? An old gas guzzling Jeep Cherokee . I hate that car . But it is paid for and it gets us from point A to point B and is reliable so I can 't complain . In reality , I would like to have another Nissan Pathfinder or something similar . I love foreign SUVs . They run beautifully , are comfortable and drive like a dream . I like an SUV because it is roomy for all the things I need to do with a car but it isn 't a truck or a van . It is just . . . Perfect . : ) My fantasy car is a Bently . One I go to England to personally design to my exact specifications and have shipped home to me . Now . . . To dump my husband and go find me a sugar daddy . ; ) 4 . Can you be totally honest in answering this next question and tell me what you think of tattoos ? More importantly - what do you think of the people who have tattoos - specifically women ? I think that tattoos are , like anything else we do with our bodies a deeply personal choice . While I think that there are a lot of people out there getting ink because it is trendy and rebellious , I do believe that a large segment of those who are tattooed are so because it is deeply meaningful for them . Tattoos tell their story , express their love , desire , fear , joy . They are memorials , family trees and portrait galleries . And yes , just plain fun . I don 't think that people who have tattoos are trash . Honestly , I used to . And that isn 't something I am proud of . Like many people , I was raised to believe that bikers , druggies , lowlifes and nasty old sailors were the only people who got tattoos . And a woman with a tattoo ? She wasn 't to be mentioned . Much less associated with . I look back at that I and I am horrified . At those who taught me those biases and at myself for buying into them . A lot of my perceptions about people with tattoos were changed when I worked in a Laughlin casino in the late 80 's , early 90 's . There used to be a yearly event , ( I don 't know if it is still going on . In recent years , there has been a lot of trouble with hardcore gangs infiltrating the event and causing serious trouble and even some shootings ) a charity run by bikers , mostly from the Southern California area called the River Run . They would descend on us every year . Bike motors growling , leather squeaking , they would gamble , drink , carouse , ( but rarely ever cause any real trouble ) raise money for good causes , then roar out of town , leaving us all reeling in their exhaust fumes . Our biker guests were almost all tattooed , some a little , some a whole hell of a lot . They wore hardcore garb and took no shit off of anyone . And , much to my surprise , most of them were professionals . Doctors . Surgeons . Attorneys . Accountants . High powered executives , some of Fortune 500 companies . Bigwigs in the movie biz . The odd actor or rocker . Okay , so the rockers being tattooed wasn 't much of a surprise . lol But , to see that so many very " mainstream " peoI don 't have any tattoos , at present . But I haven 't ruled out the possibility of having one done . In fact , I have an ongoing design in progress in my head , transforming and changing until it is perfect , waiting for the day that I may finally decide to have it done . I know what I want , the colours I would choose and the reasons behind it . It will likely be my one and only tattoo . I am just waiting for the right time for me . Draz , if you feel the need and desire to get another tattoo , do it ! It is your body ! Your skin ! Your choice what you do with it . I have seen pictures of some of your tattoos and I think that they are beautiful . But what I think doesn 't really matter , love . It is what you think . What you want . Let people judge , if that is what they need to do to feel better about themselves and get through life . You know your truth about who you are . That , my dear friend is all that matters . 5 . Repeat question : Summarize your week in blog land and in real life . Life goes on . I am still only blogging a couple of times a week . I am not disinterested or off the rails . Just not too chatty , right now . In real life , I kind of killed my poor left knee on the trails . I was up to nearly four miles and really rocking it . Then my knee went to hell on me . It was hurting me and I should have listened to it and rested a day but I went out . And I only got in a mile and a half . By the time I got back to the car I was limping . By the time we went to Jacob 's Well to fill my water jugs and got home , I was nearly unable to walk . I have been resting it and tottering around here for the last couple of days , praying it will feel better , soon . It still hurts . I am still resting it and hoping I can get back out there by the first of the week . I really need to get these fucking knees of mine dealt with . This is bullshit . I ate like a bit of an idiot , the last two days . Feeling sorry for myself and thinking , if I can 't walk , what is the point kind of excuses . Idiot . I am back on track . Walk or no , if I do my job I can still lose fat , I just have to do the right thing by myself . A bad knee is not an excuse . Geeze , I can be such a major fuckup , sometimes . Needless to say I don 't want to mess this up , now . I have come too far and I still have a hell of a long way to go . I am hoping to get out and get some new walking shoes , later on . I need them desperately . My old ones let dirt in through the soles , there is no cushioning or support left . And there are holes at the bend points . Yuk . Plus , I just want a new pair of shoes , dammit ! It has been years and years since I bought myself a new pair of shoes . I think I have earned one , don 't you think ? Okay , so there you have it . I am going to finish my coffee and go get my ass in the shower . I have places to go , later . I want to get shoes and I need to pop into Ross and see if they got more polish in and I just need to get out of this house for a while . If I don 't , someone is going to be bleeding . And that someone won 't be me . Posted by I can hardly believe it 's been eight years since my lap band surgery . So many good things have happened since then . I got to enjoy feeling in control of . . . I miss blogging . However , I did most of it while I was at work . Unfortunately , I don 't have access to blogger at work anymore . When I get home I veg out . . . . I 've been below my initial goal weight ( 160 ) for some time now . I have hovered up and down . My happiest weight ( where I felt best and my size six clothes w . . . What a whirlwind in the last 10 days ! I did have the surgery done on my umbilical hernia . The surgery went well and it is healing fine . Before they sedated . . . I 've recently been trying to get my blogging mojo back . There 's a book in me somewhere . I have a vague idea about what direction it might take , but the a . . . Bill and I like to go to museums . We 've lived here for years without going to the museums on Fort Sill . Yesterday we went to the artillery museum . It wa . . . Dear Shark Fitness Training , I recently saw that you were at the same Cardinals game that I was . I assume that you were sitting right behind me . I did no . . .
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This has happened twice now , once to me and once to Vinny . Bella wanted to climb up on the counter to see what I was doing in the kitchen and I said no . She continued to ask , even adding ' please ' to her request and I ignored her for a while . Eventually I had enough and I said , " Bella , I said no " Thanks to those of you who gave me opinions on which pattern to try out here . A little background as to why I went all ninja crafty this past week . Ballard designs had these curtains that I was just in love with : But , at $ 180 for EACH PANEL , there was just no way it was ever happening . Not that they aren 't worth it . . . that 's a lot of embroidery and a lot of work that goes into each one , I just couldn 't justify it . I had a bunch of sheer curtains , and a bright idea that I could maybe make them . Not embroidering . . . I 'm not that crazy . So I thought . . . what about a Sharpie ? What would happen if I drew a pattern on curtains ? Would it be passable ? So the first thing to decide on was the pattern . I 've been in love with this quatrefoil shape for a long time : But the pattern on the curtains that were the inspiration were actually this shape : Hence my post asking for opinions on which pattern to use . The overwhelming response was for the quatrefoil , so I listened to the masses . ( BTW , I made both of these shapes in photoshop , feel free to use them ) I printed out my quatrefoil ( 4 inches across ) and cut it out . I transferred the pattern to an index card and cut it out there so the pattern would be a bit more sturdy given how many times I was going to have to use it . ( You can see it in green there at the edge of the table ) In retrospect , 5 or 6 inches for the pattern wouldn 't have been a bad thing and would have cut a lot of time off . Then I used painters tape to tape the edges of the curtain down so it wouldn 't wiggle a bunch while I was tracing around the inside and outside of the pattern . ( with a piece of paper under it to stop bleed through ) At first I taped the pattern down too , but after a while I was practiced enough to just hold it in place . Heck by the end I could almost freehand it . OK , that 's totally an exaggeration , but there were a TON of these things . By about quatrefoil number 20 or so I had a realization as to why Vinny usually gives me a dubious glance when I explain to him what new project I have in mind . It ended up using 4 markers worth of ink . I probably could have eeked by with just 3 , but 4 was nice and safe . We had a minor snafu when marker 3 turned out to be a bit more blue and not so much teal compared to the first two , so I had to take a breather until I could go back to the store to hunt down more markers with the teal gene . At the beginning of each marker the ink spread a lot further and toward the end of the life of a marker the lines were a lot crisper . I tried to switch between using newer markers and older ones sporadically so that the difference wasn 't so noticeable . I lucked out in that the curtains I started with had stripes , so those helped me keep my patterns straight vertically . If your curtains don 't have those , you may have to mark some chalk stripes or something to keep yourself in line . But make sure it will come off easily , because I currently have no idea how the marker will hold up in the washing machine . Since I brought it up . . . washing . I hear if you let the marker set in the sun for at least 72 hours that it holds up pretty well , but I 'm not ready to tempt fate anytime soon . If you try it , let me know how it goes . And well . . . there was a not - so - happy accident as well . Bella decided she wanted to help a little and added some extra while Vinny wasn 't looking ( I was running an errand to the drug store ) . We 'll call it character and try not to let it happen on the next one ever again . What do you think ? Wanna guess how many quatrefoils are there ? Is it passable ? Should I do the same thing to the other curtain I have like this one ? Try the other pattern ? Try a bigger pattern ? Toss it all out and burn it and never do another craft again ? Let me know if you have questions or anything . . . I love comments : ) If we were in a school , we 'd buy gorgeous color tablets set into wood rectangles . But those are pretty expensive . Luckily for us , the curriculum showed us how to make our own ! We went to Michaels and got a big pack of embroidery floss holders . As an added bonus they came on the great ring which is nice for organization . We 'll definitely use all of these by the time we 've made 2 of each main color and then all the shades too . I originally thought they felt a bit small for the task , but after using them , they 're just right . There is a typical way of presenting colors , which I did with Bella , though she doesn 't seem to do great with the straight up presentation . So we also play a game with them . Right now we 're still just working with the primary colors , so we have 6 tablets , 2 of each of the 3 primary colors . We turn them all over so she can 't see what color is underneath and then she picks them up , names the color and gets to put it back in the bowl . Bella seems to like messing with me though , which is why we 're still on the primary colors . I 've seen her do the colors correctly so many times , and then sometimes for no reason at all she decides to call the red tablet , " pink . " Always " pink . " Drives me nuts . Oh well , that 's real life : ) I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter weekend . Saturday we spent the morning running around doing errands and using coupons that were getting ready to expire . ( I helped the easter bunny out at CVS and didn 't pay a dime thanks to some rewards bucks ) Those things always manage to expire before I get to use them , so I was very happy about that trip . Then , while Vinny and Bella were napping I worked on my super secret project a little more . It should be ready to reveal later this week , for good or bad . While a dozen eggs were boiling away for sacrifice to the dye cups , I put together the sweet potato casserole for Sunday lunch and Vinny and Bella ran around the house hiding and finding plastic eggs . Then we all ( nervously ) plopped eggs into the dye and made Easter eggs . I don 't know what it is , but Easter just isn 't Easter until you smell the vinegar . Vinny took pictures so I 'm actually in a photo for once ! We had a great time with Vinny 's side of the family for lunch Sunday and Bella had a ball playing with her cousins . Monday , I made deviled eggs with the dozen dyed eggs . Vinny proclaimed them eggcellent ( HAR HAR ) but said the ones that had more color to them were a bit twangy from the vinegar . Overall , a very successful and fulfilling weekend ! I blame Young House Love for my newfound irrational confidence that I can do anything and build anything around the house that I want to . But while Vinny quietly curses them from afar , I 've decided that the new fence in our new house should be built by my own hands . ( countdown : 55 days til we can say it 's our house . . . as much as renting a house makes it ' our ' house at least ) Alas , my creativity and design sense ( or non - sense , depending on the day ) is insisting on a very specific look . I haven 't told Vinny about my vision yet . Mainly because he 's still a bit green from me suggesting we build the fence ourselves , and that was when he thought we were doing pre - made panels . Picket vs . Baluster : prior to my investigation , if it was straight up and down on a fence and it wan 't in the ground , a piece of wood was a picket . NOT SO ! Who knew ? Apparently pickets are wider than they are deep . So , what is a Baluster ? Well , think about the rail going up your stairs or around your deck , those vertical things that keep you from falling through are balusters . They can be round , or square , or just about any design you can think of . ( I like the square ones ) Of course , that 's from a fencing company 's website . . . and you can guess that it isn 't located in NC . I emailed them to see if we could get materials from them , but no dice . I 'll probably have to go by a local lumber yard when we get there and hope they have them . If not , I 'll have to miter the tops of each picket . It will take more time , but I think it 's worth it . The whole picture is pretty common with aluminum and vinyl fences , but not with wood for some reason . So why do we want wood instead of vinyl or aluminum ? Well , price for one thing . But we also want to paint the fence the same color as the molding on the house so that it feels more like an extension and less like a random outcropping . I 've been asking myself for a few days why I can 't find an example of exactly what I want , and isn 't that sort of ominous ? I mean , if professional fence companies don 't do it , maybe I 'm missing something . I 've never even built a fence before , this is all still theoretical ! And then , on the way to daycare , there it was . . . the fence I 'd been dreaming of . It 's almost even the right color and I 'm loving the plantings ! So for now , I 'm still scheming and hopefully I can convince Vinny that this really is do - able . I have no delusions that it will all happen in a single weekend or anything . And I think I 'm asking for a kreg jig for my birthday ( What the heck is a kreg jig ? See here ) if the base wood shop doesn 't have one . Yep , that 's right . . . to fuel my new obsession further , Camp Lejeune has a wood shop , so I don 't have to worry about having every tool known to man ( or woman ) . Once the fence is done , my next woodshop project is either bench seating for the breakfast nook or forward facing book shelves for Bella 's room ( like this , though it will probably end up look more like this ) . Luckily there are lots of plans out there for those projects . In preparation for the move , I 've been quite stubborn about what groceries I buy . I 've decided that we 're going to eat as much of the goods we have as possible . So tonight I went to the pantry and found a can of pumpkin . I bought it back in November , when I had intended on making a pumpkin roll for Thanksgiving and gave up out of laziness . I was feeling inspired , so I looked up the recipe I had originally intended on making , Kristen Chenowith 's pumpkin roll . The recipe I used is here in case you want it . The rolling of the cake did not go as smoothly as I 'd hoped , with more tearing than I expected . But it was my first time making a rolled up anything , so I 'm not terribly insulted . The icing part that goes in the middle is the yummiest thing I 've ever had . I had to stop myself from eating the entire bowl . Bella ( and Vinny ) enjoyed licking the spoons after I finished each step , and ultimately , despite it 's ugliness , it was really yummy . Bella is now walking around the house saying , " I want more pumpkin bread . . . more pumpkin bread please " and Pippen is licking a plate . Now I have to decide what to do with the other half of the bag of confectionery sugar . . . and the other half of the can of pumpkin . . . coincidence ? I think not . ( YUM ! ) Ok , I have a secret project up my sleeve . And it involves a pattern . But I have two patterns I have to choose from . So I need some opinions . Hopefully you can choose without asking too many questions . It worked out pretty nicely because we 're trying to get her to say the " K " sound , so fun time turned into learning time . : ) And yes , she 's once again pants - less . I swear it doesn 't really happen that often ! And we also managed to drop off donations at Savers and the Barrington library . I 'm looking for my super navy wife badge , but I 've misplaced it . Now I 'm planning on sitting on the couch for a bit and relaxing for a little bit before the dinner rush starts . We 're using a Montessori curriculum with Bella at home ( more about that here ) . Lots of Montessori activities are very useful things that a child needs to learn , like how to pour themselves a glass of water from a pitcher . But the idea of putting a glass pitcher and an empty glass on a shelf and and allowing Bella to take it down , fill the pitcher with water and pour it into the glass ( even after some instruction ) made me a little green around the gills . So we have started easing into this activity a little at a time . When Bella is thirsty , or around snack times , I 'll pull down the dishpan along with the empty pitcher and her glass ( and a towel ) . I fill the pitcher a little over halfway . Enough to overflow the glass if she pours too much ( so she understands why she needs to pour carefully ) but not enough to make a gigantic mess . Then I let her have at it . She usually pours the water back and forth between the pitcher and the glass ( taking sips in between ) until she has either drunk it all , or it 's in the bottom of the dishpan . Then we put the pitcher and the glass away and she uses the towel to mop up any water from the bottom of the dishpan . It is so gorgeous outside today . Sunny , 63 degrees . OK , so 63 might not sound like the perfect temperature , but in direct sun it feels a lot warmer . Just when you 're starting to say , ' maybe it 's a little too hot , ' a breeze comes along and cools you off . Ahhhh , thank you spring ! I didn 't know it was going to be this nice today , though it was obviously sunny . So , when Bella did her entire sheet of words that start with the hard ' c ' sound ( YAY ) , I was inspired to grab the sidewalk chalk , bundle her up and trot her and Josie out to the front to color the driveway . I quickly realized that the bundling wasn 't entirely necessary . While Bella drew random lines all over the driveway I got some weeding done and basked in the sunshine . She was enthralled by the robins hopping in the yard , though unhappy that they wouldn 't come to her when she called them . Then I thought about showing Bella how to draw an outline of a person . So she laid down and I traced around her and then we stood up and admired the result . Then I laid down ( Josie attempted to lay on with me , but refused to be outlined so she got ousted from the project ) and I helped Bella do my outline . The result : First : I was not entirely prepared for how much like a crime scene this appeared . ( That 's probably not going to help us sell the house anytime soon - oops ) I 'm hoping it rains soon . In any case it should be interesting to see Vinny 's reaction when he comes home this afternoon . Second : Bella decided to embellish the drawings . The pink is the original outline and what we drew in to make it look less like a crime scene . The orange is her embellishment . I honestly had no idea what she was going for . When she started drawing around the mouth I thought maybe she was doing lips or lipstick . Then she went for the hair , and the legs . . . and I was becoming more and more concerned . It seriously looked like she was exorcising a demon . . . . hmmmm . ( a close - up for emphasis ) Me ( quite concerned at this point ) : Hey Bella , What are you drawing ? Bella : I 'm making an Elmo ! Whew ! Put down the Bible and the holy water , she was just attempting to make herself look furry . It was so nice I pulled out the beach chairs and we sat in the front driveway ( trailer park style ) and ate lunch . Then I made a gallon of sweet ice tea to celebrate the clear indication that spring is actually on it 's way here in the frozen north . Can 't wait to hit the park this afternoon ! Last weekend we went to a surprise 40th birthday party for Vinny 's cousin Eugene . They had a DJ and face painting and of course tons of food . Bella took a while to come out of her shell but she eventually got down with her bad little self . Bella and I headed down to Windswept farms yesterday to take some pictures of my friend Ashley during a jumping lesson . The horse 's name was Mama . . . which confused Bella a little bit . Bella did pretty well and was quite patient given that she is a 3 year old . She got to pet a few different horses and was very happy , if a little cold . The markers , finger paint , paintbrushes . . . all of it only colors on the paper ! GASP ! I know . . . I 'll give you a minute to catch your breath . So at the end of art time you have a relatively clean kid that a quick hand washing will return to pristine condition , a clean room ( well , as clean as it was before you started ) , and a beautiful picture your kid can be proud of ( hopefully ) . Notice there that Bella is wearing a smock ? TOTALLY DIDN " T NEED IT ! ! ! It was there to make her feel like she was getting to make a mess . . . but shhh , that 's a mommy secret . Shortly after we got Pippen we discovered this little series about a siamese cat named skippyjon jones . Basically , this cat thinks he is a chihuahua , not a cat because he has a big head and big ears . Then he proceeds to get himself into all kinds of silly pretend situations where he saves the day . We have 3 of the books pictured here . We don 't have Mummy trouble . And there are tons more in case grandparents are looking for good gifts ( HINT HINT ) . Bella just adores them . And so far all of the ones we have gotten have come with a CD where the author reads the story . Which is nice because there are a few places where he sings and it 's awfully convenient and makes you look like super - mom ( or dad ) when you can sing the words properly . The first happened when we went out to eat at the mexican restaurant on Emerald Isle . Fitting of a restaurant at the coast , there were tons of seafood options , which I was thrilled about . So I order the fried talapia with burrito fixin 's . Well , what came out was an entire fish . . . deep fried . Head . . . Scales , Fins , everything . I was proud that I even bothered to try to eat it , but in the end it just wasn 't working for me . Vinny then decided to pick it up and play with it . Bella and I have been giving one another ' fishy kisses ' pretending to be fish , so Vinny suggested Bella give this fish a fishy kiss . * insert eye roll and deep sigh here * Right off Emerald Isle there is a little shopping area with a Lowe 's foods and a Lowes home improvement . I don 't know why , but this struck me as absolutely hilarious . The double rainbow of Lowes . . . only better because there was food and home improvement projects . We 've taken to calling that shopping center the Loweses .
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This has happened twice now , once to me and once to Vinny . Bella wanted to climb up on the counter to see what I was doing in the kitchen and I said no . She continued to ask , even adding ' please ' to her request and I ignored her for a while . Eventually I had enough and I said , " Bella , I said no " Thanks to those of you who gave me opinions on which pattern to try out here . A little background as to why I went all ninja crafty this past week . Ballard designs had these curtains that I was just in love with : But , at $ 180 for EACH PANEL , there was just no way it was ever happening . Not that they aren 't worth it . . . that 's a lot of embroidery and a lot of work that goes into each one , I just couldn 't justify it . I had a bunch of sheer curtains , and a bright idea that I could maybe make them . Not embroidering . . . I 'm not that crazy . So I thought . . . what about a Sharpie ? What would happen if I drew a pattern on curtains ? Would it be passable ? So the first thing to decide on was the pattern . I 've been in love with this quatrefoil shape for a long time : But the pattern on the curtains that were the inspiration were actually this shape : Hence my post asking for opinions on which pattern to use . The overwhelming response was for the quatrefoil , so I listened to the masses . ( BTW , I made both of these shapes in photoshop , feel free to use them ) I printed out my quatrefoil ( 4 inches across ) and cut it out . I transferred the pattern to an index card and cut it out there so the pattern would be a bit more sturdy given how many times I was going to have to use it . ( You can see it in green there at the edge of the table ) In retrospect , 5 or 6 inches for the pattern wouldn 't have been a bad thing and would have cut a lot of time off . Then I used painters tape to tape the edges of the curtain down so it wouldn 't wiggle a bunch while I was tracing around the inside and outside of the pattern . ( with a piece of paper under it to stop bleed through ) At first I taped the pattern down too , but after a while I was practiced enough to just hold it in place . Heck by the end I could almost freehand it . OK , that 's totally an exaggeration , but there were a TON of these things . By about quatrefoil number 20 or so I had a realization as to why Vinny usually gives me a dubious glance when I explain to him what new project I have in mind . It ended up using 4 markers worth of ink . I probably could have eeked by with just 3 , but 4 was nice and safe . We had a minor snafu when marker 3 turned out to be a bit more blue and not so much teal compared to the first two , so I had to take a breather until I could go back to the store to hunt down more markers with the teal gene . At the beginning of each marker the ink spread a lot further and toward the end of the life of a marker the lines were a lot crisper . I tried to switch between using newer markers and older ones sporadically so that the difference wasn 't so noticeable . I lucked out in that the curtains I started with had stripes , so those helped me keep my patterns straight vertically . If your curtains don 't have those , you may have to mark some chalk stripes or something to keep yourself in line . But make sure it will come off easily , because I currently have no idea how the marker will hold up in the washing machine . Since I brought it up . . . washing . I hear if you let the marker set in the sun for at least 72 hours that it holds up pretty well , but I 'm not ready to tempt fate anytime soon . If you try it , let me know how it goes . And well . . . there was a not - so - happy accident as well . Bella decided she wanted to help a little and added some extra while Vinny wasn 't looking ( I was running an errand to the drug store ) . We 'll call it character and try not to let it happen on the next one ever again . What do you think ? Wanna guess how many quatrefoils are there ? Is it passable ? Should I do the same thing to the other curtain I have like this one ? Try the other pattern ? Try a bigger pattern ? Toss it all out and burn it and never do another craft again ? Let me know if you have questions or anything . . . I love comments : ) If we were in a school , we 'd buy gorgeous color tablets set into wood rectangles . But those are pretty expensive . Luckily for us , the curriculum showed us how to make our own ! We went to Michaels and got a big pack of embroidery floss holders . As an added bonus they came on the great ring which is nice for organization . We 'll definitely use all of these by the time we 've made 2 of each main color and then all the shades too . I originally thought they felt a bit small for the task , but after using them , they 're just right . There is a typical way of presenting colors , which I did with Bella , though she doesn 't seem to do great with the straight up presentation . So we also play a game with them . Right now we 're still just working with the primary colors , so we have 6 tablets , 2 of each of the 3 primary colors . We turn them all over so she can 't see what color is underneath and then she picks them up , names the color and gets to put it back in the bowl . Bella seems to like messing with me though , which is why we 're still on the primary colors . I 've seen her do the colors correctly so many times , and then sometimes for no reason at all she decides to call the red tablet , " pink . " Always " pink . " Drives me nuts . Oh well , that 's real life : ) I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter weekend . Saturday we spent the morning running around doing errands and using coupons that were getting ready to expire . ( I helped the easter bunny out at CVS and didn 't pay a dime thanks to some rewards bucks ) Those things always manage to expire before I get to use them , so I was very happy about that trip . Then , while Vinny and Bella were napping I worked on my super secret project a little more . It should be ready to reveal later this week , for good or bad . While a dozen eggs were boiling away for sacrifice to the dye cups , I put together the sweet potato casserole for Sunday lunch and Vinny and Bella ran around the house hiding and finding plastic eggs . Then we all ( nervously ) plopped eggs into the dye and made Easter eggs . I don 't know what it is , but Easter just isn 't Easter until you smell the vinegar . Vinny took pictures so I 'm actually in a photo for once ! We had a great time with Vinny 's side of the family for lunch Sunday and Bella had a ball playing with her cousins . Monday , I made deviled eggs with the dozen dyed eggs . Vinny proclaimed them eggcellent ( HAR HAR ) but said the ones that had more color to them were a bit twangy from the vinegar . Overall , a very successful and fulfilling weekend ! I blame Young House Love for my newfound irrational confidence that I can do anything and build anything around the house that I want to . But while Vinny quietly curses them from afar , I 've decided that the new fence in our new house should be built by my own hands . ( countdown : 55 days til we can say it 's our house . . . as much as renting a house makes it ' our ' house at least ) Alas , my creativity and design sense ( or non - sense , depending on the day ) is insisting on a very specific look . I haven 't told Vinny about my vision yet . Mainly because he 's still a bit green from me suggesting we build the fence ourselves , and that was when he thought we were doing pre - made panels . Picket vs . Baluster : prior to my investigation , if it was straight up and down on a fence and it wan 't in the ground , a piece of wood was a picket . NOT SO ! Who knew ? Apparently pickets are wider than they are deep . So , what is a Baluster ? Well , think about the rail going up your stairs or around your deck , those vertical things that keep you from falling through are balusters . They can be round , or square , or just about any design you can think of . ( I like the square ones ) Of course , that 's from a fencing company 's website . . . and you can guess that it isn 't located in NC . I emailed them to see if we could get materials from them , but no dice . I 'll probably have to go by a local lumber yard when we get there and hope they have them . If not , I 'll have to miter the tops of each picket . It will take more time , but I think it 's worth it . The whole picture is pretty common with aluminum and vinyl fences , but not with wood for some reason . So why do we want wood instead of vinyl or aluminum ? Well , price for one thing . But we also want to paint the fence the same color as the molding on the house so that it feels more like an extension and less like a random outcropping . I 've been asking myself for a few days why I can 't find an example of exactly what I want , and isn 't that sort of ominous ? I mean , if professional fence companies don 't do it , maybe I 'm missing something . I 've never even built a fence before , this is all still theoretical ! And then , on the way to daycare , there it was . . . the fence I 'd been dreaming of . It 's almost even the right color and I 'm loving the plantings ! So for now , I 'm still scheming and hopefully I can convince Vinny that this really is do - able . I have no delusions that it will all happen in a single weekend or anything . And I think I 'm asking for a kreg jig for my birthday ( What the heck is a kreg jig ? See here ) if the base wood shop doesn 't have one . Yep , that 's right . . . to fuel my new obsession further , Camp Lejeune has a wood shop , so I don 't have to worry about having every tool known to man ( or woman ) . Once the fence is done , my next woodshop project is either bench seating for the breakfast nook or forward facing book shelves for Bella 's room ( like this , though it will probably end up look more like this ) . Luckily there are lots of plans out there for those projects . In preparation for the move , I 've been quite stubborn about what groceries I buy . I 've decided that we 're going to eat as much of the goods we have as possible . So tonight I went to the pantry and found a can of pumpkin . I bought it back in November , when I had intended on making a pumpkin roll for Thanksgiving and gave up out of laziness . I was feeling inspired , so I looked up the recipe I had originally intended on making , Kristen Chenowith 's pumpkin roll . The recipe I used is here in case you want it . The rolling of the cake did not go as smoothly as I 'd hoped , with more tearing than I expected . But it was my first time making a rolled up anything , so I 'm not terribly insulted . The icing part that goes in the middle is the yummiest thing I 've ever had . I had to stop myself from eating the entire bowl . Bella ( and Vinny ) enjoyed licking the spoons after I finished each step , and ultimately , despite it 's ugliness , it was really yummy . Bella is now walking around the house saying , " I want more pumpkin bread . . . more pumpkin bread please " and Pippen is licking a plate . Now I have to decide what to do with the other half of the bag of confectionery sugar . . . and the other half of the can of pumpkin . . . coincidence ? I think not . ( YUM ! ) Ok , I have a secret project up my sleeve . And it involves a pattern . But I have two patterns I have to choose from . So I need some opinions . Hopefully you can choose without asking too many questions . It worked out pretty nicely because we 're trying to get her to say the " K " sound , so fun time turned into learning time . : ) And yes , she 's once again pants - less . I swear it doesn 't really happen that often ! And we also managed to drop off donations at Savers and the Barrington library . I 'm looking for my super navy wife badge , but I 've misplaced it . Now I 'm planning on sitting on the couch for a bit and relaxing for a little bit before the dinner rush starts . We 're using a Montessori curriculum with Bella at home ( more about that here ) . Lots of Montessori activities are very useful things that a child needs to learn , like how to pour themselves a glass of water from a pitcher . But the idea of putting a glass pitcher and an empty glass on a shelf and and allowing Bella to take it down , fill the pitcher with water and pour it into the glass ( even after some instruction ) made me a little green around the gills . So we have started easing into this activity a little at a time . When Bella is thirsty , or around snack times , I 'll pull down the dishpan along with the empty pitcher and her glass ( and a towel ) . I fill the pitcher a little over halfway . Enough to overflow the glass if she pours too much ( so she understands why she needs to pour carefully ) but not enough to make a gigantic mess . Then I let her have at it . She usually pours the water back and forth between the pitcher and the glass ( taking sips in between ) until she has either drunk it all , or it 's in the bottom of the dishpan . Then we put the pitcher and the glass away and she uses the towel to mop up any water from the bottom of the dishpan . It is so gorgeous outside today . Sunny , 63 degrees . OK , so 63 might not sound like the perfect temperature , but in direct sun it feels a lot warmer . Just when you 're starting to say , ' maybe it 's a little too hot , ' a breeze comes along and cools you off . Ahhhh , thank you spring ! I didn 't know it was going to be this nice today , though it was obviously sunny . So , when Bella did her entire sheet of words that start with the hard ' c ' sound ( YAY ) , I was inspired to grab the sidewalk chalk , bundle her up and trot her and Josie out to the front to color the driveway . I quickly realized that the bundling wasn 't entirely necessary . While Bella drew random lines all over the driveway I got some weeding done and basked in the sunshine . She was enthralled by the robins hopping in the yard , though unhappy that they wouldn 't come to her when she called them . Then I thought about showing Bella how to draw an outline of a person . So she laid down and I traced around her and then we stood up and admired the result . Then I laid down ( Josie attempted to lay on with me , but refused to be outlined so she got ousted from the project ) and I helped Bella do my outline . The result : First : I was not entirely prepared for how much like a crime scene this appeared . ( That 's probably not going to help us sell the house anytime soon - oops ) I 'm hoping it rains soon . In any case it should be interesting to see Vinny 's reaction when he comes home this afternoon . Second : Bella decided to embellish the drawings . The pink is the original outline and what we drew in to make it look less like a crime scene . The orange is her embellishment . I honestly had no idea what she was going for . When she started drawing around the mouth I thought maybe she was doing lips or lipstick . Then she went for the hair , and the legs . . . and I was becoming more and more concerned . It seriously looked like she was exorcising a demon . . . . hmmmm . ( a close - up for emphasis ) Me ( quite concerned at this point ) : Hey Bella , What are you drawing ? Bella : I 'm making an Elmo ! Whew ! Put down the Bible and the holy water , she was just attempting to make herself look furry . It was so nice I pulled out the beach chairs and we sat in the front driveway ( trailer park style ) and ate lunch . Then I made a gallon of sweet ice tea to celebrate the clear indication that spring is actually on it 's way here in the frozen north . Can 't wait to hit the park this afternoon ! Last weekend we went to a surprise 40th birthday party for Vinny 's cousin Eugene . They had a DJ and face painting and of course tons of food . Bella took a while to come out of her shell but she eventually got down with her bad little self . Bella and I headed down to Windswept farms yesterday to take some pictures of my friend Ashley during a jumping lesson . The horse 's name was Mama . . . which confused Bella a little bit . Bella did pretty well and was quite patient given that she is a 3 year old . She got to pet a few different horses and was very happy , if a little cold . The markers , finger paint , paintbrushes . . . all of it only colors on the paper ! GASP ! I know . . . I 'll give you a minute to catch your breath . So at the end of art time you have a relatively clean kid that a quick hand washing will return to pristine condition , a clean room ( well , as clean as it was before you started ) , and a beautiful picture your kid can be proud of ( hopefully ) . Notice there that Bella is wearing a smock ? TOTALLY DIDN " T NEED IT ! ! ! It was there to make her feel like she was getting to make a mess . . . but shhh , that 's a mommy secret . Shortly after we got Pippen we discovered this little series about a siamese cat named skippyjon jones . Basically , this cat thinks he is a chihuahua , not a cat because he has a big head and big ears . Then he proceeds to get himself into all kinds of silly pretend situations where he saves the day . We have 3 of the books pictured here . We don 't have Mummy trouble . And there are tons more in case grandparents are looking for good gifts ( HINT HINT ) . Bella just adores them . And so far all of the ones we have gotten have come with a CD where the author reads the story . Which is nice because there are a few places where he sings and it 's awfully convenient and makes you look like super - mom ( or dad ) when you can sing the words properly . The first happened when we went out to eat at the mexican restaurant on Emerald Isle . Fitting of a restaurant at the coast , there were tons of seafood options , which I was thrilled about . So I order the fried talapia with burrito fixin 's . Well , what came out was an entire fish . . . deep fried . Head . . . Scales , Fins , everything . I was proud that I even bothered to try to eat it , but in the end it just wasn 't working for me . Vinny then decided to pick it up and play with it . Bella and I have been giving one another ' fishy kisses ' pretending to be fish , so Vinny suggested Bella give this fish a fishy kiss . * insert eye roll and deep sigh here * Right off Emerald Isle there is a little shopping area with a Lowe 's foods and a Lowes home improvement . I don 't know why , but this struck me as absolutely hilarious . The double rainbow of Lowes . . . only better because there was food and home improvement projects . We 've taken to calling that shopping center the Loweses .
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I had been laid up for over three days now . My ex - girlfriend was not about to stop by for a booty call . There was no relief in sight . I dropped it into the bag and then hobbled over to the far counter , opened the cupboard , and retrieved a bottle of pure virgin oil . Presto ! My shopping was complete . The cucumber needed to warm up before I abused it , so I set on a tray nearby , hit the couch , grabbed the remote , flicked through the adult channels , until I found the hottest interracial , gangbang , butt - fuck flick . I smiled smugly . There was more than one way to skin a cat ! The movie started out with a slim , white , chesty blonde stripping and playing with herself , until the movers arrive . When she hears a knock on the door , she opens it immediately . Four to five black guys walk in and the hardcore sex begins . After several minutes of cocksucking , the boys ' glistening cocks were erect and swollen . However , before fucking the shit out of her , they pay homage to her asshole first . Each guy buries his face between her cheeks and gently tongue - fucks her pink anus . After about thirty minutes , I couldn 't take it anymore . I turned on my side , eased my skivvies down over my smooth ass , grabbed the olive oil bottle , opened it , and began to apply the oil to the outside and inside of my anus . When I felt loosened , I quickly applied the oil to the cucumber . I was in a rush now . I wanted this bad boy up my horny ass ! Watching the blonde squeal and writhe on her belly as the mammoth cocks , one after another , plunged in and out of her beautiful , round derrière was intensely stimulating . After a few minutes , I was able to push at least another three inches into my ass . It felt wonderful to have rectum filled so completely . The amount of precum flowing out of my cock confirmed my desires and need for relief . As I began to slowly jerk my cock and hump my ass back and forth against the cucumber , I saw Beth 's face in my living room window ! Her skinny legs were determinedly taking her to my front door ! I froze . Beth was one of our executive secretaries at work . She was a statuesque , longhaired , blue eyed , blonde with magnificent 32 DD 's . Yes , Beth was quite striking ; however , her cleavage made it difficult to look at anything else . That made sense because there was no way she could have afforded the townhouse based on the salary my cheap employer paid their secretaries . Fortunately , I was one of my employer 's best sales representatives . They and I enjoyed the fruits of my labor . I think Beth glanced in my direction for a second as she walked by . If she did , I was pretty sure she did not see anything because it was dark inside my living room . The back of my TV faced the window . Beth 's curvy ass was just inches away from my throbbing hard - on and that wasn 't going away anytime soon . The huge cucumber nestled in my rectum was constantly stimulating it . In addition , her sweet , smelling perfume , hard nipples , large breasts , and bare , smooth female flesh - legs and arms all conspired to overwhelm all my senses . Although I did my best to look into her awesome blue eyes , it was extremely difficult . Beth was fashionably dressed , as usual . She was wearing a revealing , red , lace up tank top with silver grommets on the plackets , white shorts , and sandals . Beth was pleased and took the bait . She expounded , for several minutes , about shopping . This allowed me to get my head together . All I had to do was nod every once in awhile as Beth rattled on . Years earlier , during a smoke break at work , Beth told me she had been born with extra organs . Puzzled , I asked her what she meant . She looked at me with her extraordinary , big , blue blues and explained that she had born with three working kidneys . Although I believed Beth , I was skeptical . Her stomach was so flat … Her hips were so narrow . She didn 't have an ounce of fat on her … As soon as Beth went into my kitchen , I quietly grunted , shitting the cucumber out of my ass . I quickly pushed it and the olive oil bottle into the crack between the back of the sofa and the cushions . As luck would have it , I heard the olive oil bottle fall to the carpet , underneath the couch . " Here is your water , " Beth said as she handed me a glass . " I wasn 't sure which glass you wanted so I grabbed this one . Is that okay ? " Beth did not go home - for several hours . She stayed and cooked us supper . While she was in the kitchen , I managed to pull my skivvies up . Beth was a man 's woman and did not mind the fact I hobbled around in my boxers . That was what guy 's did . I wasn 't so sure about the cucumber thing though . " Okay … Right after high school , I went to a birthday , swimming party . A girl friend of mine had invited me . It was an all girl event . No guys . " " I wore my new micro bikini . All the girls who had a body wore them then . By the end of the day , I was pretty light headed , but I knew that I could make it home safely . I slipped my t - shirt on over my bikini and hit the road . " " An old black guy rolled his window down and asked me if I needed help . I told him my tire was flat , and I was trying to get home from a pool party . Then a bee bit me . " " Anyway , I accepted his offer to change it . I really wasn 't in the mood after that . He also put some balm or salve on my sting . " " I didn 't know what to say . Also , I could see he was staring at my boobs . I looked away and then down . This old guy had a huge bulge in his pants ! " " This was awkward . He wasn 't going to show me , unless I unzipped his pants . I wanted to see it … so I did . I guess all the liquor and being around all those half - naked , girls all day made me bold and horny . " " I got down on my knees , slowly unzipped his pants , and reached into his underwear . His thing was huge ! Like a big , long , rubber hose . Anyway , I grabbed it and pulled it out of his underwear . I sat there looking at this black , one - eyed monster . " When he said , ' You know what to do , ' I put it in my mouth and looked up at him . What a look of satisfaction he had . I had the feeling I was the first white woman to ever put his cock into her mouth ! " " I sucked him for some time . It was actually fun to suck them something that big and rubbery . He enjoyed it , too . He emitted so much precum that I actually thought he had cum once or twice . " " I pulled my bikini bottom down , and bent over the open trunk . At this point , I didn 't care which hole he fucked . I was gonna cum either way . " " Wow . It was big and as soon as he entered me , he grabbed his shaft and began making circular motions with it . That big cockhead just kept rubbing my g - spot … Eventually , I started cumming so hard I thought I was gonna … shit ! " " After I came a zillion times , I was loosened up enough for him to push into me . I felt some pain at first , but then it became total fulfillment . His cock felt so good ! " " Anyway , ever since then I 've loved anal ! As a matter of fact , for the rest of that summer I looked forward to taking his big , fat cock up my butt , almost every day ! We got so carried away ; he began inviting his old buddies , too . " Sometimes I would be gone from home half the day and then come home exhausted and smelling like a sperm factory , having so many cocks cum in me … My parents caught on … You 're the first person I 've ever told this to … " " A couple of my friends and I were on a weekend pass and had gotten a hotel room in Atlanta . We wanted to get some … pussy . Well , we didn 't . We stopped … they did , they were older than me … and bought some liquor before heading back to the hotel . " " We sat around drinking and telling stories . I told them a funny story about Asians . Fred , a black guy , had to piss and when he came out of the bathroom , his cock was hanging out of his boxers . Although he was limp , it hung about seven inches . " Fred saw me staring and asked me how big did I think he could get ? I mumbled something and Fred laughed . He then walked over to me and started jacking his cock right in front of my face . It grew about another two inches ! " " When his precum started to ooze , Fred stopped . He dabbed it with his finger and then stuck his finger into my mouth . He then asked me if I liked it . " Beth broke the intensity level , when she released my cock from her mouth . I was somewhat relieved because I was within seconds of blowing . I really didn 't want to cum after only four minutes ! " Steve , the other guy , had taken his clothes off and had pushed his tan , semi - hard cock into my face , too . I took turns sucking both their cocks , until the guys took me over to the bed . They stripped me and told me to lay face down on the bed . " " When I didn 't move , the guys grabbed my legs , flipped me over onto my stomach , and spread my legs open . Fred straddled half my ass so I couldn 't move . Then he grabbed my butt cheeks and then spread them open , exposing my asshole . " " Meanwhile , Steve brought over the tub of margarine we had bought for sandwiches and they began scooping up gobs and pushing them into my asshole with their fingers . I couldn 't help but groan and grunt , and squeeze my anus tight around their fingers whenever they rubbed my prostate . It felt incredible . " " Anyway , when Steve said I was lubed and ready to go , Fred began moving his big , fat cock back and forth between my greased cheeks . Although , that felt good , too , I was kinda scared . His cock was pretty big . " " Steve grabbed my head and started face - fucking me . In no time , my forehead was slapping his stomach repeatedly as Fred played with my prostate . I felt really humiliated - being treated like a little whore . The guys were really enjoying themselves ! " " Although I couldn 't see anything , I felt something big push against my butt … Moments later , my anus easily gave way for Fred 's large , greasy cock . I was actually amazed … even when I felt my rectum passage expanding to accommodate his thick cock … that there was no pain . " Posted in anus | Tags : anal , anus , ass , big cock , blonde , cocksuck , cum , interracial , prostate , sperm | No Comments » Anal by Way of Massage March 5 , 2013 | Author sexstory It was a wonderful Sunday afternoon . Much spring yard work had been accomplished , showers had been taken and some beer was being consumed on the sunny deck . The temperature was a bit lower than we like but with the direct sun , it was quite comfortable . I took my leave for a minute and returned with the massage table and began setting it up on the deck . Kate loves to get massages . She squealed a little delight but asked what if someone drops by . The deck is on the rear of the house and quite private , I told her and said that I would lock the front door and no one would even know we were home . I told her to get naked and get up on the table and I would go get the oil and lock up . When I came back she was laying there naked on her stomach . The sun was fully shinning on her still winter white skin . I loved the look . I put down the massage oil and the other things that I had brought out unnoticed . I started my usual routine of rubbing and kneading her scalp and then moving to her shoulders where I started using the oil . Working my way down from her shoulders to her back and then down her left leg . I took my time and enjoyed the light mewling noises that she makes . I had slipped right past her buttocks . I worked my way back up her right leg and then started in a nice deep massage of her buttocks , really working into the muscles of her ass . That process kept her cheeks opening and closing and showing me her tight little asshole and lower portion of her pussy lips . I always work the entire butt and once I had fully massaged both cheeks very well , worked my way deeper between them . I could not help but hold them apart and stare momentarily at that little hole . I bend over and lowered my lips to her asshole and kissed it gently and then began lightly licking all around and over the little bud . Kate just lay there and made a few more gentle noises as I did this and kept licking as she finished relaxing . The more I licked the more I firmed my tongue and started to let it slip inside her just a little at a time . I love doing this , and make no apology for it . As I kissed and licked , I let my hands continue to rub her cheeks as I held them open around my face . When I finally had my tongue reaching as far as it would go inside her , I retreated . I turned and reached into the bag that I brought out and removed a medium sized butt plug . It is black , fairly short in length but quite thick at the largest part before retreating to a narrow neck . I rubbed a liberal amount of oil on the plug and ran my oil hands all over her saliva covered asshole . Spreading her cheeks with my fingers , I began to rub and touch the tip of the plug to her hole . I felt just a little tensing from her and rubbed gently for a little longer , letting her return to her full comfort . I told her to relax and enjoy as I started to push the tip of the plug inside her . I worked the tip in and out going deeper with each stroke . Her hole looked very sweet as it continued to relent and allow the plug to go further . I heard a small groan as the widest part was reached . Giving her time , letting her cheeks close around the plug and my hand , I rubbed her cheeks with my free hand and told her how much l loved her . The plug resumed its strokes in my hand and I opened her cheeks again and gave it a bit more pressure . What a site ! The wide portion breaching her hole and nearly being snatched out of my hand as it sank fully into her and a moan escaped her mouth . I worked my fingers all over her face and resumed my massaging down over her body . What a wonderful feeling to touch , rub and massage her tits and nipples with the slippery oil . I did not indulge too long and worked my way down her body , left leg and back up the right . When I got back to her nice soft vulva , I worked her outer lips a lot before I even started to part them and touch her inner lips and clit . As her lips did part , the fluid there was amazing . As I rubbed her the sounds were just amazing to listen to . She is not usually very vocal and said nothing this day , but the sounds were indescribably . I loved rubbing all the way down between her legs and moving the plug a bit as well . I was getting a bit impatient and selfish feeling . As you can imagine my hard cock had been dripping pre cum all over the deck and table for a long time now . I wanted to make this about her , at least for now . I started to play a bit more seriously with her clit and bent to lick and suck it and taste her sweet flow . I could feel her start to tense and her legs began that familiar twitching . With her clit between my lips , my tongue flicking at the tip and my hands wrapped under her touching the plug , she tensed completely and came with a wonderful full body shaking . Though she was very sensitive , she put up with my need to lick as much juice from her pussy as I could get . I smiled as I kissed her deeply and then helped her roll onto her front again . She lifted up a bit as I slid a cushion under her midsection . I wanted to , but could not , spend more time massaging her and went right between her cheeks . Just a bit more of that and a lot more dripping of my cock and I have to be inside her . No need for more oil , she is slick with that left from the plug , from the juice that leaked from her and I take a couple of quick strokes of my cock and spread the pre cum all over it . Climbing up on the table between her legs , the table shakes a bit and I slide my cock up between her cheeks as I hold them . On my knees , I can look down and see the head of my cock touch that sweet hole and as I lean forward just a bit , watch it start to push its way inside her . I have to put my hands forward to catch my weight . I lean on her shoulders , put my mouth beside her ear and tell her how much I love her as my cock slides deeper into her ass until it is fully inside and my balls are pushing her pussy lips apart . Of course we know that the incredible feeling of slick tightness and the eroticism leading up to this event . I could tell you that I then pummeled her ass for an hour before filling her with my cum . The fact is that I lasted about 30 seconds and came screaming like a wild animal and collapsed on her back .
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Check out Donna and Stu 's new site called Toadilypets . Toadilypets is the cutest site and if you have not checked it out . . . . take a minute and do so . . . . I think you will really like what you find . Especially if you are a lover of all things furry and wiggly . . . . . you know I am ! Lastly . . . . thanks for all the comments on the previous post . As to where the table came from . . . . a local furniture store called Kittles in Lafayette , Indiana . I could not find a manufacturer 's name on it , but it is certainly not exclusive to Kittles and it is not an expensive table . Sorry I could not be of more help . That 's about it for today . . . . I 'm anxious to start a new painting . . . . have a great day ! This is a photo of our new dining table and chairs . The chairs are nothing special , I had them tucked away in storage knowing someday I would use them . I am currently looking for some fabric to reupholster them to match the rest of my decor . The table . . . . we love , it is just the right size . One of the things we love the most . . . . . the leaves that drop on either side . Great for travel mode . So , here are some photos of what our fiver looks like when we are bouncing down the road . . . . . Both slides are in and as you can see we can comfortably walk to the back . That is where the new table comes into play . Our old rectangle of a table fit so tightly at the end of the counter that you really had to work to " squeeze " by it . Things are so much easier now and if we stop for lunch we can actually use the table . . . . . a big plus ! We have complete access to our kitchen and bath areas . Here is the " packed " view of the back of the trailer . Everything rides very well . Last but not least . . . . the furbabies . They have been trained to stand either there or next to me in the kitchen . . . . when the slides are going in or out . They do very well with this and they are so very excited when the slides go out . When I give them the go ahead they both charge into the living room . . . . make the circle and each pops up into a recliner . What a life ! So , there you have it . . . . . The Goodelife , on the road . Thanksgiving will be spent with just the two of us , oops , four of us . . . . can 't forget the furballs ! I 'll miss my family , but I will enjoy the day . Yes , we will do a Thanksgiving meal with all the traditional fix ' ens . The furballs will have a treat of turkey and sweet potatoes on their plates as well . It has been a tough year at times . . . . I 'm sure many of you feel the same . . . and I find those ' tough times ' make the blessings in my life all the sweeter . I have friends and family who love me . . . . . and all my faults . I am also blessed with the most beautiful grandson and his Mom . . . . who has become like a daughter to me . I have many blessings in my life and I am Thankful for every one . . . . . . now go , enjoy . . . . . be thankful . . . . and be blessed . . . . . Happy Thanksgiving to you all ! Have not done anything exciting , just getting to know our surroundings . We found a Wally World just down the street from us and a nice little mall . There is also a very nice Safeway here . . . . so guess we won 't starve . . . . LOL The weather here the last few days has been a bit on the windy and cool side . We even had a little sprinkle of rain the other evening . It seems a cold front came through , but not to worry temps are still in 60s day and 40 's night . If the wind would just go way things would be fine . Bullhead City is kinda like living in a " bowl " with the mountains all around you . So when the wind comes in and " slaps you in the face " it also then turns around and " kicks you in the behind " . . . . . . I 'm ready to be done with that ! Yesterday , I was in a baking mood . I really do enjoy baking and I love my kitchen in my fiver . It is just the right size and everything is in easy reach . Here is the result . . . . . . . Gingersnap cookies fresh from my convection oven . . . . . mmmm , good ! I did have one mishap . . . . my oven is capable of 3 settings . . . . convection , halftime , and microwave . I use the convection setting for baking and oops on the last batch I forgot to hit the convection button . It defaults to microwave . . . . after about 3 minutes the aroma of burnt cookies filled the air and I knew what I had done . . . . ah well , I didn 't let a few burnt cookies spoil the day ! Ok , I 'm really not happy about this . . . . . . . not at all happy ! I 'm grabbing onto my " oh sh - t " handles now and I 'm not letting go till we reach the bottom ! Dad , Mom , everybody . . . . I love you all . . . . . . . Holy Moses . . . . . here we goooooooo . . . . . . . . . This is our site . . . . backing in was a little challenging as this is a small rv park , but the manager came out and helped us and we were in and set up in no time . Those ropes you see are lighted ropes separating each site on each side . . . . . really nice soft lighting for evening . We have a concrete patio with picnic table and even a little grass for the furballs . The rest of the site and surrounding area is gravel . We are able to park the truck right across the way so we have more room on the site itself . This is the utility side of our site , plenty of room to put up our satellite for internet and our tv dish is at the back . They do have pretty good cable here , but we are used to our Direct TV . As to internet , our verizon air card is marginal so we put up our hugesnet . I just assumed the park internet ( tengo ) would cost , but I found out this morning that it is free . Now , this is the very best part . . . . . . . this is the view from the patio of the clubhouse . . . which is just a few steps away from our site . Yep , that is a fisherman down there and he is catching some trout . We had another great travel day through the Tonto Forest . We took US 70 out of Safford and then picked up US 60 around Globe . . . . . I10 around Phoenix and then back to 60 to Congress . Driving through the Tonto Forest was . . . . . . well , just magical . The rock formations are just awesome . Of course , the ride back down the mountain was a little scary for me . . . . . but the beauty of it all . . . . . I 'm just so amazed . I felt " childlike " seeing and experiencing things for the first time . . . . it is a wonderful feeling and I 'm so thankful for this fulltime lifestyle . I know I would have never had these experiences if not for fulltiming . I took a bunch of photos with my iphone . I just have not had time to download them and see if any are decent enough to publish here on the blog . . . . . . look for some photos next time . We arrived in Congress and set up at the Escapees North Ranch around 3pm . After set up and feeding the furballs we headed into Wickenburg for dinner . There is a little Mexican place there and it is so very good and very reasonably priced . After dinner , it was back to relax in our easy chairs . Today we continue our journey to our winter destination in Bullhead City . I checked out the map and we will be taking another one of those " scenic " drives . . . . . . stay tuned . . . . . We have enjoyed our stay here at Roper Lake that we extended another 2 nights . I did manage to get into that spring fed hot tub and had it all to myself . . . . . . wonderful ! Yesterday we wondered into town and found the local Walmart . Stocked up on a few groceries and then found a propane fill up station as well . Next , we found a nice steakhouse . They had an early bird special 8oz filet with all the fixen 's for $ 10 . 00 and it was very good and tender . Neither of us could finish our steak so the furballs had a little " extra " on their supper plate last night ! Here are some photos of the beautiful sunset here at the park . The one above was shot right out our doorway . The one below was shot over the lake . We will be leaving this peaceful place tomorrow . Did a lot of checking and searching for a spot for the winter around the Phoenix area . . . . . . and just couldn 't find the " right " fit for us . Ended up expanding our search to include Bullhead City and " Bingo " we came across El Rio Waterfront Resort sits right on the Colorado River . We booked their last spot for the winter ! We plan on stopping in Congress for an overnight at North Ranch Escapees Park near Wickenburg . . . . Love that place ! Our journey yesterday was smooth and uneventful . . . . . just the way we like it . We are currently close to Safford , AZ in a super state park Roper Lake . Billy had done a little research and found this park . . . . what a little jewel it is . We arrived here around 12 : 30 and the park ranger told us there was a wedding going on in the park today , but there were still plenty of nice spots available . It seems the wedding party had reserved the entire cabin and tent area . That meant that a group of tent campers were relocated to one of the rv camping areas . The tent campers did take up quite a few rv spots . . . . these are paved and have water and electric . . . . but we still managed to find a pree - mo spot . Here we are . . . . in what feels like our own little " private " camping spot . There is quite a bit of room between campsites , plus lots of bushes and small trees . This is a view of our fifth wheel from " street side " the tent campers were right across from us and must have had at least 20 kids with them . . . . . all ages . While we were setting up , one of the littlest ones decided to explore the underside of our fifth wheel . I was out with the furballs and saw the little guy . Billy and I were both trying to get him to come out . . . . but it was clear he did not speak any English . Finally , he came out and then came running right towards our two dogs . I started telling him no , but he just kept chasing me round the picnic table . I imagine that was quite a sight ! Anyway , I finally got the dogs inside and Billy hollered over at the adults to please come get this little guy . . . . which they did . He was cute as can be . . . . . but , my dogs are not use to kids and although they have never so much as growled . . . . . I just didn 't want to take any chances . Especially with an over excited 3 year old who doesn 't speak English ! This is a view of Lake Roper . . . . . you can fish and boatThis is a photo of the island peninsula . . . . . the wedding was held thereWe had originally planned to only spend one night here , but we are enjoying the surroundings so much that I went ahead and booked us for one more . The weather has been wonderful . . . . a little chilly at night ( low 30 's ) but sunny and warm during the day ( high 60 's ) . Today I plan on exploring the park . . . there is a trail that goes round the lake and of course I 'm planning on checking out that spring fed hot tub . . . . Today is another travel day . . . . leaving Las Cruces and heading toward Phoenix . I don 't think we will make it all the way to Phoenix though . . . . we will probably be stopping at one of those less than stellar rv parks along the highway for the night . I did forget to tell you all that when we left Toad Suck , ( I just love saying that name . . . LOL ) , I personally dumped the black tank . I figured I had better learn how to do that . . . . just in case Billy can 't for some reason . So , he stood by telling me step by step and I , wearing not one but two pair of gloves , proceeded to " dump " . The only problem I had was removing one of the fittings from the hose at the end . . . . . took a little more muscle than I could manage , but it may have had more to do with the two pair of too large gloves I was wearing . . . . . he , he ! At any rate , I was proud of myself for doing it and feel confident I could do it by myself if the need arises . It really didn 't bother me . I guess being a woman and having had a child prepares you for all that " s - - t " coming down the line . . . . . . it 's nothing we ain 't seen before . . . . LOL ! Yesterday was just one of those " Extra Goode " days . . . . . We left Bottomless Lakes and headed southwest on Highway 70 . I was really kinda anxious about traveling through the mountains , but it turned out to be absolutely gorgeous and only a little bit terrifying ! We would go through desert like conditions and high temps in the 70 's and then as we would rise in elevation the temps would drop ( some into the 50s ) and the scenery would turn green with tall fur trees . I highly recommend Highway 70 . . . . . mostly four lanes , decent blacktop , and not to twisty or steep . I noticed on the map that we would be going by White Sands and I told Billy this time . . . . we were stopping to have a look . We had driven by this last time we went west and I always regretted having not stopped . Well , Billy gave me that " Oh , do we have to " , look and I gave him that " Yes , we have too " look right back ! As we pulled into the entrance , I have to admit I was having second thoughts . It didn 't look too impressive at this point . Down the long drive we drove . . . . remember we have our " not so little " home behind us . I was starting to worry about getting stuck with no where to turn around , when we came upon the entrance fee station . I told Billy to ask the ranger if we were ok to get in and back with our rig . The ranger didn 't indicate that we would have any problems and so Billy got out his senior pass . . . . . which we didn 't need . . . . you see , it was Veteran 's Day and so the park was offering free admission to everyone . We slowly traveled back into the park and the surrounding landscape began to change . Suddenly , it felt like we were entering into a Winter Wonderland as everything around us began to turn white with little to no vegetation . There were lots of areas where even our rig could have pulled off the road and parked , but we kept going wanting to see where this adventure would take us . We finally came to a sign which stated that the pavement ended HERE ! What the heck does that mean ! It means , we discovered , that at this point they simply just plow through That 's us down there in the parking area . . . . . looks like we are in Alaska . . . . . . I took this from a top of one of the sand dunes . I have to tell you my emotions were running high . . . . to stand there surrounded by all that beauty was quite inspirational . I just felt so incredibly happy and filled with joy . It is an experience I will always treasure . There 's Billy and the furballs . Needless to say , he too was very impressed and glad we stopped . The furballs were even excited . They too seemed to know just how " special " this place is . . . . . ya know , we never could get either one of them to " potty " while we were there . LOL ! I know . . . . weird . . . . Billy said it was because it reminded them of their Granny 's white carpet . . . and they know that is a major no . . . no ! OK , this is the last photo I 'll share with you . Looks like it is snowing doesn 't it or a starlit night ? Well , my version of trick photography . You see , I took this while in the truck . . . . those snowflakes or stars that you see . . . . well . . . they are actually bug splatters on the windshield . . . . who knew . . . . they 'd come out looking like snowflakes . . . . he , he ! White Sands is one nifty place and we do plan to return someday . When we come back , I plan on buying one of those snow sleds they sell at the gift shop . Yep ! We saw a lot of folks " sledding " down those giant sand dunes . . . . that 's for me ! It was hard to leave White Sands , but we continued our journey on to Las Cruces . We are staying at the Sunny Acres RV park . It is nothing special , but it is a passport America park . DAD . . . . . we ate dinner last night at the La Posta de Mesilla . Really neat place and good food . . . . the margarita 's aren 't bad either . . . it was a good thing I have my own private DD . . . . . thanks for the info ! LIFE IS GOODE ! Yep ! You guessed it . . . . we arrived yesterday in the " land of aliens " . . . . otherwise known as Roswell , New Mexico . We had actually planned to go up to Santa Fe , but I looked at the weather forecast for the upcoming week and decided NOT ! They are talking low temps in the teens and snow is also on the radar . Santa Fe will have to wait til spring . Apparently , the weather folks heard that the Goode 's are traveling west this year . Now , it seems all of the west is in for unseasonably cold temps . We took Highway 60 out of Amarillo , doing our best to get south of the impending cold front . Seems the cold front is determined to catch up with us . . . . it keeps slipping further down everyday . We are currently spending a couple of days in Bottomless Lakes State Park . We stayed here last time we headed west . It is a nice park , nice spacing between rvs , beautiful views , and some of the sites have full hookups . We awoke to 30 degrees this am . Not too bad . . . . . at least the sun is shinning . Tomorrow we will continue our journey heading to Las Cruces . Any out there that knows of a nice rv park in the area . . . . . appreciate you passing the info along to us . Meanwhile . . . . . I may have to dig out my longjohns ! It was a truly beautiful day . I 'm just posting the one photo . . . . . cause my camera just can 't do justice . Standing there looking out over the canyon is inspiring and simply takes your breath away . Once we were down at the bottom . . . the winds were no more . . . . and the temps sored into the 80 's and low 90 's . We had planned on doing some hiking while there , but we ran into a little problem . Bikers . . . . . not the motorized kind . . . the mountain bike kind . They were everywhere . Now don 't get me wrong . . . . everyone deserves access , but I think there needs to be some bike only or hikers only paths . The bikers are all about taking the trails as fast as they can . . . . . the one 's we ran into were very polite , ringing their bells and saying ' excuse us ' . . . . . but we had to move off the path into the brush so they could pass . Now , if it would have been just us that would have been fine . But , we had our two furbabies with us and I don 't like leaving the path with the dogs . I can 't see what might be waiting in all that underbrush for the dogs to step on or into . So , back to the truck we went . Good news is , you can enjoy the beauty of the park driving the winding road that runs through it . There are plenty of areas where you can pull over and enjoy the view . Ok , now I know you are all on the edge of your seats waiting for our new ' toy ' to be revealed . . . . . . . . drum roll please . . . . . . . . . . It is our new induction cook top . . . . and it is way cool ! It can boil water in a heartbeat and we love the portability of it . If you want a few more details you can click on the icon to the right , we ordered ours through Amazon . It is something we have been looking at for a long time , but the price was just never right . Well , Bill found one that he felt would do the job and at a price we felt comfortable with . . . . . . so far so good . . . . we love it . Yesterday was a do nothing day . . . . . . nothing exciting anyway . I combed out the furballs , who are in need of a bath . . . . . but this Texas wind is not going to let up anytime soon . I also got the laundry chore out of the way . I did take a few photos of our site . Yesterdays ride to Amarillo proved to be a lot smoother than we anticipated . Once we were in Amarillo we headed to our favorite rv park there . . . . . . Oasis RV Park . Now this place doesn 't have that " it factor " . . . . no view and no hiking trails or anything like that , BUT it has everything else . Full hookups , level concrete pad and patio , grass for the furballs to tinkle upon , 50 cent washer / dryers , restaurant on site . . . . . that delivers to your rv if you desire . . . . well , you get the picture . The only big negative is you are close to the interstate and there is road noise . I 'll post some photos in tomorrow 's post . The really awesome thing is the price . Apparently they are determined to win the rv market here in Amarillo . We are paying $ 20 a night with the 3rd night free . We are staying here 6 nights . . . . . $ 80 . 00 . . . . . . and that is a very Goode thing . . . . LOL ! I swear going through the state of Oklahoma on I40W has just about done us in . Yesterday was probably the worse . The road is so bad , it just about beat us both to death . I 'm sure the poor furballs thought they were gonna die . Finally pulled off in Weatherford at the Route 66 RV park . Nothing special to report here . The place has a few permanent trailers and is in fair condition , but cost $ 28 for the night . We both felt that was too high for what it is , but we were so tired of bouncing down the road that we decide to go ahead and stay . At least the night was quiet and uneventful . We left Toad Suck park today and headed toward Oklahoma along highway 4o . We had done our research ( I thought ) and had decided to stay in a small rv park in Checotah , Oklahoma called Oneda RV park . I checked out the parks web site and for a quick overnight stay it looked acceptable , plus it is a Passport America park so the the price was right ( 12 . 50 ) . When we exited the highway and Oneda RV park came into view . . . . . . to say we were disappointed is an understatement . The park is in very poor condition with several permanent rvs . . . . all old and with lots of trash around them . Apparently the photo on the web site had been carefully cropped so one did not see the trashy surroundings . We really considered getting back on the highway , but we had done our research and knew that rv parks were far and few between in this neck of the woods . So , reluctantly we pulled into a large pull through at the end of the row . At least we were somewhat removed from the worst of the park and no one could pull in next to us on the curb side of our fifth wheel . The park owner was friendly . BUT . . . . . I made the mistake of asking her to recommend a good restaurant in town . She did . . . . . we went . . . . and all I can say is . . . . . YUCK . The restaurant was as run down as the park and the food was awful . I couldn 't even eat mine . Back at the fiver the shades were drawn , the door was shut , and we were in for the night . I can 't wait to put this park in our rear view mirror . . . . . . That 's me and my husband Bill ! Don 't we make a handsome couple ! LOL ! We live in a 40 foot fifth wheel full time and travel these United States . I am an acrylic Artist . I love to paint many different subjects , but have a special place in my heart for animals . . . all shapes and sizes .
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51 year old twice divorced , thrice married 2008 , male living in the garden of England on the white cliffs just north of Dover , Kent . I used to be a geophysical engineer and before that an RAF Armourer , but now just earning a living anyway I can . Now working for a supplier of offshore wind turbines ; I think I can say I have something to do with quality . Life still good . A weekend away ! The idea was to meet up with some like - minded railway - inclined photographers for beer , stories and taking lots of shots of locos at a steam gala in the midlands . It all sounded wonderful , but I did not read the mail properly , and missed the meet - up by a whole day . But still the gala was still on , and so as the hotel was still booked , so may as well make the best of things , eh ? I asked my good friend , Gary , to feed the mogs , and to borrow his monster 130 - 400mm lens , and so after being awake at a really silly hour Saturday morning , we fed the cats , packed the car and headed off into the dark to head up to Loughborough for lots and lots of trains . I won 't bore you with the journey , but it was pleasant enough , traffic light and weather was pleasant enough . Zoe Ball burbled on the radio playing inoffensive music and asking not - so - taxing conundrums . Soon enough we turned off the M1 and a quick blast onto a local road and through the picturesque village of Quorn and then we arrived at the station , only to find most of the train fans in the country had arrived before us . Still , we paid to get in , found what seemed to be the last non - muddy parking space , I got the camera gear out and we headed to the station to purchase our tickets . At least by that time , it did not seem too crowded , and once we got the tickets , I snapped what locomotives were around , before we headed on the first train north to the main station at Loughborough to have a look round the yard and engine shed . There was no chance of a seat , so we stood in the guards compartment , which was pleasant enough ; we talked to other travellers and it really was very nice . At Loughborough , we got out and walked to the shed , only to find just about all ten locomotives were out somewhere on the line . But , one tank locomotive was being watered , and I knew that one of my Flickr contacts should have been working on it . ' Is there a Mr Loose grip on there ? ' I asked . The fireman turned and smiled , ' I 'm Loose Grip ' he said . I explained I was one of Posted by The one thing I did miss out on my previous post was the state of the job . And whether I still have one . I do , for now . Deadlines come and go , with the promise of announcements and some clarity . We were told that with the president leaving , we would have to wait for the FNG to come in ; this happened yesterday , and those of us who could , watched a telecast of his speech in which he said not a lot . He can 't really , it was his first day , and my head spun on my first day , hell , first six months and I was just dealing with NCRs ( don 't ask ) and he has the multi - national company to look after . Seems like a nice bloke ; not German and still intends to live in Germany although the company is based in wonderful un - German Denmark . There are rumours , of course . And semi - official ones at that ; but nothing worth pinning one 's hopes on . I do feel my boss is honest , and he tells me all of what he knows , and I trust him . Which is more , much more , that could be said of most of the people I have worked under since I was a dole boy back in the early 80s . So , no real change for now , but there might be some announcement on February 1st . Or not . And that really is all for now ; the weather still seems very mild . In the garden birds are checking out the nest boxes , spring flowers are nearly in bloom and it is getting light when I leave the house in the mornings for work . This weekend we are away ; heading to Loughborough for a weekend of steam trains and photography for me and a hunt for a bead shop for Jools , and just a weekend away . Should be nice , no rain forecast , and ten different steam locomotives to snap in one place . Like every weekend , Monday morning comes round so quick it makes your head spin . It seems like it was Friday night just a few hours before and then the alarm goes off at a quarter to six and I drag my sorry backside out of bed . I wish I could say we did something fulfilling or worthy , but what little we did , we enjoyed . Friday night , I was home alone as Jools had to go to Heathrow to pick up her Dad who was coming back from six weeks in Australia over Christmas . And as luck would have it , or bad luck for them , the M20 was completely closed , and they had to go to the M2 to come home . Now , this sounds straightforward enough , but of course it was a Friday afternoon and the already busy M25 was at a standstill . It took them 5 hours to get back to Dover , and so me and the cats sat on the sofa and watched some TV shows about railways until she got back . And by the time she was back , and we had dinner it was time for bed as we were both shattered . Saturday morning it was windy , and we thought of heading down to Shakespeare Beach in Dover at high tide to see if the waves would be worth photographing . There was on a few bigger than average waves crashing against the Admiralty Pier , and to park up it was going to cost us £ 3 . 80 to park the car as that was the minimum charge . I had a pound in my pocket , and we did not like the thought of getting a ticket or worse , getting clamped . So , we headed to Samphire Hoe again as that would cost us one English pound for two hours parking , and we could grab a cuppa at the kiosk to , as well as walking along the seawall to the base of the famous white cliffs . I take many pictures , trying out some long exposures to blur the movement of the waves crashing against the cliffs . Some came out well enough , and whilst I snapped away , Jools tried to use her kite ; she did OK , but the blustery wind made it tricky to get the kite up high . And after crashing on the seawall one too many times meant it ended up going to the kite eating tree in the sky . But , she has a spare one to use another time . BackPosted by And the big question on your lips is , ' does Ian still have a job ? ' The answer is , ' yes ' but for now . There are many reasons for this , which I won 't go into , but for now we carry on as normal pretending that we may all lose our jobs within the next month . Or not . We just have to wait . On my way to work on Friday , I stopped off in Pegwell Bay to see if the dawn was worth photographing . As it turned out , it was . I parked the car off the road , and walked into the long grass , and unbeknown to me , into the shallow water of the salt marsh . I did get damp feet when my boots leaked . I found the best location and waited to see if the colours in the sky would get sensational rather than just plain ' great ' . The did , and with the pools in the foreground , I got shots of the dawn and reflections . Well worth stopping off for . And on my way back , I stopped off just before the harbour tunnel to watch the sun set the other side of the bay . Living on the east coast , getting a clear view of a sunset is tricky , but on the Ramsgate side of Pegwell Bay , the sun sets the other side of the bay , so you get reflections in the bay as well as the sky and the sun setting below the horizon . It was chilly , but not windy , and the sun slipped below the horizon in a stunning mix of colours , with the land turning ever darker and finally to black as light faded from the day . Satisfied , I hopped into the car and headed home . The weekend was already half an hour old ! So , last week we put the cross - trainer together , and no it was ready for use , now that we had deciphered the instructions and it all seemed to be fine . I first used it Saturday morning before breakfast . I used to be able to go for hours on a cross - trainer , so the plan was to ease into it with an easy 20 minute session . After six minutes I was blowing bubbles , took a breather , and then completed 10 minutes . I laid on the bed , puffing and panting . I was really in that bad a shape . But the up - swing had started . I did another 10 minutes on Sunday ; it was hard , but not quite as baPosted by Good evening . And the news for todays is that the sword is still swinging . Or maybe not . Today was the day of the big announcement of the reorganisation in the company . Only many details have yet to be agreed ; and so we will wait some more . All in all it what we should have expected to be honest , but in the end , we all just want to know . Anyway , my boss has always been fair with me , and so I am sure he will keep me informed . We have already talked , and so I am convinced that he knows as much as do . Well , hopefully , he knows more than me , but then again . So , let 's deal with other stuff : This week we had an item of exercise equipment delivered . I had to work from home on Tuesday , and just when I had given up the truck pulled up . So , the guy drags a box , which looked worryingly heavy from the back of the truck and asked if could give him a hand and carry it with him to the house . And my gosh , it was heavy . 85Kg heavy it turned out . We get it into the house , I sign the paper , and he rushes off ; leaving me pondering how we are going to get it up the stairs to the spare bedroom . In the end we open the box and take each part up , and in a while it was all in the bedroom , including the mechanism , which must have weighed well over half that weight , which we just got to the top of the stairs . And Wednesday night was the evening of the great assembly . And low did we gather each and every part and compare them to the drawings on the instructions , and verily did we put tab A into slot B . And so on . And by half six it was done ; all except the control panel which the designers have made next to impossible to attach the four tiniest screws into holes which you cannot see and cannot locate without looking . We shall return to this tonight when we may actually get to use it , if I have connected all the wires correctly . And in cat news ; Scully went missing for over a day . No sign at all . Although we go to work for eight hours , and she could have returned during those hours , she wasn 't there at dinner or breakfast . But turned up on Posted by And it 's Saturday lunchtime . I have just popped a batch of mince pies in the oven , Fighting talk is on the radio . Outside , it isn 't raining , but neither is it the wall to wall sunshine the BBC website promised . I went out early this morning for a haircut , I have been putting it off for weeks . I know I should be happy that at the ripe old age of 46 I actually have hair that needs cutting . But , I do , nothing I can do about it , other than have as much of it cut off I can . It has only been a four day week at work , and I only went into the office for two days due to the noise and being impossible to hear anyone on the phone . There are better reasons for working from home , I 'm sure , but this is the only one I have . So , I get to lay in bed for an extra half hour whilst Jools gets ready , then get up , make a pot of coffee and power the work laptop up and settle down for a day at the keyboard , only to be disturbed by the occasional cat demanding food or attention . Or both . Talking of work , this coming Thursday , my company is to make another announcement about reorganisation and more redundancies . Nothing is impossible , and so we are kind of ignoring this date and its implications , but it does feel like we are trading water waiting for what Thursday might bring . I could lose my job , i might not ; I really don 't know what is going to happen . On the surface all should be well with two big orders already signed and sealed , but you never know what might happen . Apart from that , it has been wall to wall football on TV ; Man Utd and Man City both managed to lose ; United twice but City once . I guess we should be thankful that it is interesting . On the radio I listened to Norwich win at QPR and move back up to 9th with 25 points . Still waiting for the bubble to burst . And that really is it for the week . Nothing exciting , no pictures , just the FA cup 3rd round this afternoon and mince pies fresh from the oven . Cheers . Good afternoon and welcome to the future . Each time I look as each year passes I expect to have the silver suit and rocket pack ; one year . So , 2012 is to be the Olympic year , when the building site at Stratford will be finished and all the world 's best athletes will descend on East London for two weeks of world class sport . and then a few weeks later the Paralympic games will take place soon . I guess we all hope that it all passes off without serious indecent and is a success . Each time we go to London , we pass right by the Olympic park , and have watched as it has grown up from the industrial wasteland that was there before . Anyway , such thoughts are for another day , but the opening ceremony is getting closer each day , of course . So , New Years eve ; we sat in , played Scrabble , and at eleven turned on the TV to watch Jools do his stuff . At midnight I had a glass of Vino Santos , so I toasted the new year in , and we headed to bed . We slept late , something which as the holiday has progressed we have got better at , until gone eight o ' clock ; how roack and roll is that ? I cam down and put the grill on to make the last of the festive bacon sarnies . I put the coffee pot on the stove , and soon the house was full of the wonderful smell of breakfast . Outside , it was grey and drizzley again , and soon the rain began to fall harder and harder . we sat inside , watching the rain . I have bought some mealworms for the birds to feast upon , and so whilst the football played on TV , I sat on the sofa near the window so I could take photos ; and I got some shots of a robin looking very happy with the food on the table . Even with the terrible light , I still got some shots , which I will post here at some point . I baked sausage rolls for dinner , and so we had them fresh out of the oven along with a pint of porter for me . A nice lazy way to end the day on . Today , Monday , another bank holiday , is one of those glorious sunny winter days we dream of , and so we headed out for the cliffs for a walk . We parked by the lighthouse at south Foreland , and set oPosted by
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Papa loved to fish . His eyes on the water , he sat absolutely still and quiet for hours . He knew the best bait for the season and the fish , the best weather ; like an oracle he read the tiniest ripples , the still places between . Once hooked , he anticipated each next move of the fish , was there ahead of it , let it wear itself out , and then , laughing , pulled it into the boat . He respected fish , how wily and strong they are . On the water , papa was at home . When we went fishing , if anyone was going to catch a fish , it was papa . Unless he was with mama , who didn 't like to fish at all , and only went because she loved papa . I don 't think I 've ever known a woman love a man like she did him . When she fished , mama didn 't watch the water at all . She dropped her hook and then studied the clouds , or imagined the life of people who once lived near the shoals , or she told us about patterns she saw in the random arrangement of sticks . She might make up a story about a fish family , and if she completely forgot herself , she might even tangle her line in papa 's . Or rock the boat , which papa said was the equivalent of using a megaphone to let the fish know we were there . One time I said , " Mama don 't throw your line toward those big rocks by the shore . You 'll tangle it . " It wasn 't long before she did just that , but when , exasperated , I tried to pull her line free I pulled in a fish instead . Another time , she was so preoccupied by her imagination , she reeled in her line to let the hook dangle four or five inches above the water . While she watched the cattle in the trees along the shore , a fish jumped out of the water onto her bare hook . I saw it with my own eyes . Papa just shook his head . I have been on the water with papa when the surface was flat and silver like pewter . I have ridden the waves in a storm , him laughing as we broke each crest . Papa loved the water . He loved to fish . As to mama , well , even though mama didn 't like to fish , I think fish loved mama . I think in her dreaming they forgot they couldn 't fMore Insanity , Divinely Enjoyed I go on ' tears , ' as in ' tearing recklessly at high speed down the road with no clear destination . ' Or as I put it in one poem , I drive at high speeds backwards down the mountain . During these times , I avidly pursue some curiosity that has broken free of reason and restraint . For hours and hours , for days and days , I listen steadily to you - tube , read articles , order books , have them open to certain pages on counter - tops and tables and chairs . The subject might be some question about early Christianity , or the correlation of European climate and cycles of plague , or the connection between the early Greeks and the Mongol shamans . I am insatiable . My dreams careen around the universe . Some of these interests can 't be fully satisfied , because the information doesn 't exist , or if it does , I can 't find it , or its conflicted . These subjects become less intense , but are lasting interests , fueled again when a new resource is available , a new book or some bit of research . Denisovans , certain migrations patterns , archeology in Central America . But what interests me most about these times , is that during them something greater than rabid curiosity is at work , something unnamable beneath the surface . I think of Joseph Campbell . Shamelessly paraphrasing , I think he 'd say that I am chasing something that is after me . Now that I 'm older , I can sometimes catch this thinking behind thought , the intention at work , but even when I get a glimpse , I let the process work its way through . To do otherwise is to name the unknown from the limits of where I am , of where I 've been . As you 've heard me say before , I 'd lose something important . I blame the intensity of my process on six planets in Gemini , five of these in the ninth house . If pushed for more , I throw in Neptune in the 12th . Or a tight conjunction between Mercury and Uranus . But , in truth , this process I am describing is one way the Other speaks to me , disrupts my limits , shakes up my positions , makes me better able to contain , or become , who I am designed to be . 0 Comments As you know , I am a dreamer . I love dreaming , trying to plumb the messages , but the ones I like most are those that seem to have the primary purpose of teaching . I study this sort of visitation as some would a sacred text , because that 's what it is , isn 't it ? The territory of the Divine . Though sometimes , when I realize how the Dream Maker intends an image , I have to laugh . I am witness that the other side has a sense of humor . Mama said that one time she heard an angel laugh at her , but then mama and the angels had a very special relationship . Not mean laughter , but the way you laugh when a child does something slightly ridiculous and very sweet . So , to my point . In a dream the other night I went to the other side . I 've never done this before . The spirit has shown it to me - through a window , across a boundary , but this was different . What she showed me and told me still have me thinking . I crossed a river , and on the other side I saw spirits . These seldom had anything to do with ordinary human life on our side of the river , but they could be summoned , or at least some people knew how to do this . I was shown that some people ask these to make money , or for other personal purposes . People were very excited about this ability . Then , beside the river , something came to me . And the love that emanated from it was like nothing I have ever experienced . It drew very close , and it loved me . After this , I was shown a different way to engage the other side than the intention of money and such . The woman who knew this other way was a little further upriver , and so I headed there . I knew this woman , whose only wish of help from the other side , the spirits there , was to be in closer communion with the Divine . Now , as if this wasn 't already a big enough dream , it went further . I looked into the past , beckoned to a person there , and the past changed . The path of that person was altered to arrive here at this magical place with its divine possibilities . I have thought a lot about this changing of the past , an idea I dProtecting the Spirit I don 't watch television , or listen to the news . I don 't go to movies , and seldom listen to the radio . The reason I don 't is because I am impressionable . Sometimes I say , half - jokingly , that I am made wrong - side out . What I mean by this is I am not well defended . Nor do I want to be . When the color in the trees changes , when my spirit wants to explain something about the sun - this is what I want to pierce me . The breeze that rises when I pray , the small pool at the edge of the river , the wild bleeding hearts that are carpet in the trees - I want these to fill me with awe . If the spirit decides to answer a question I asked last month , I want to take in the quirky response . I want the flowering of this to become my breath . If you show up on my doorstep , I 'll understand that you were summoned . Or sent . No difference . All the same . I don 't need to decide whether to let you inside or not . Something else will have already done this for me . I am not naive . In fact , working in the territory of trauma as I did for so long , I believe little . The people I trust can easily be counted on one hand . This is the result of having met evil more than once , having learned something about those who deliberately choose this way of living . As you 've heard me say , early in my career I was shocked to learn the who and how of this . And by evil I don 't mean ordinary meanness , or even deliberate destruction . But , I 've talked about this elsewhere . No , I am not innocent of what is , but I choose which world I inhabit . I know what feeds my spirit . The deer and the coyote , the forest and the desert . And water - the way it wraps around stone , plays with light and color , and teaches me something about the nature of creation . The reason I avoid the drama of movies and television , is not only about image , but also about the foundational nature or language . I want words to reverberate in their archaic meaning . If I go to the mountain , I want the totality of my being to be permeated with the understanding of what I am doing , of Power of the Unsaid We know that language has power , don 't we ? That for this reason some people search for magic words that open other realms , that summon helpers , or have the power to create a desired outcome . There are philosophies and workshops and conferences about this , and books galore about the right way to say the compelling words , the correct mood . We know all this . But in this flood of seeking the right persuasive words , little is said about the power of not speaking . Listening to elders or traditional people talking intimately to a small group , you can ' hear ' the ' not said , ' the avoided noun . With a gesture of the chin , place or direction might be indicated , the ' home ' of the unsaid . Maybe a word in Indian , a few enigmatic references . One can grow wildly frustrated listening to this sort of ' nothing ever quite said ' speech , until , finally , years later , what was not said falls into place , into meaning far beyond the literal words that were not spoken . When this happens to me , I am left blinking at the depth of what 's arrived . I look around to verify that I am still in my little house . I am , though I also am not . If someone had explained to me this mystery in simple and ordinary language , I would not have arrived in this new world , in part because the words would have been uprooted from their imbedded home in a broad spiritual complexity . The reverberation , the song of it , would not have stretched across the galaxy . I would have had a few new facts , but not much more . Ordinary words explained to my ordinary mind would not have opened a new dimension . No matter how well intended the communication , how careful and complete the explanation , my mind would not have been blown , and my world would have essentially stayed the same . All this is in what was not said . In the indigenous communities where I live , this resonant and reverberating way of speaking is still alive . There are also some refreshingly different concepts . The river is not different each time I step into it , because the river is a spirit that 0 Comments If I think about it , I have almost everything I ever wanted , though this little house in the trees is more perfect than I 'd imagined - the red and white walls , the drums . I 've written four books in the last five years , this pouring out of banked desire is as delicious as I thought it would be . I have a spiritual home so exquisite that when I enter I cannot believe my good fortune . All this is founded on a decision I made decades ago , and that decision was to become crazy , though , in truth , it might only have been the recognition of a state I 'd already achieved . If the latter , I come by insanity honestly , as it seems to regularly appear in my family . Divine insanity allows me to see that in some places the bark of trees is lavender , to recognize the subtle shift of spirit as I move through the forest , that in unlikely places something recognizes me and follows . There is a tiny pool in a tangle of trees not far from the highway that likes me to come , not far from an alcove of skunk cabbage . They call me because they know I love them . They tell me things , and I believe them . I contend that this sort of craziness feeds the world , and maybe keeps it alive ; these small acts of love , of participation in the living truth of things . And , if my heart had not been broken , if I hadn 't been shattered and saved by the improbable arrival of spirits , I doubt I 'd have been brave enough for this extraordinary life . Been brave enough to believe what I see , to know what I do . As I watched spirits tending the homeless , I understood something . When the light danced along the wall as a difficult man spoke , I knew to withdraw my judgement . The spirit does not always choose the well - behaved . In fact , the the spirit often blesses the broken . I 'd be wise to remember this . And , I remind myself , I am wonderfully broken , too ; beautifully crazy . And am grateful for that moment in the desert when I said , " Yes . If this is crazy , I choose it . " ( For those who visit my ' author ' page , I seldom use it . I prefer the personal one . " ) 3 CommeI Believe in Bloodlines I spend much of my spiritual life among people who value bloodlines , the rights and gifts that follow them . I don 't share their lineage , but I do share the value they place on this . Through my mother 's family I was named a dreamer , but the truth is that many in her family did not need to be asleep to " see . " I 've already told you that mama saw spirits . Angels came . I 've told you already about the night she and I hid from drunk men . Oklahoma was a dry state then , but we lived on the Red River and it was Saturday night . Those men came back across the line , drunk and looking for trouble . There were no neighbors and no phones , just me , mama , and the baby . Mama was scared - until she saw the angels . I think if those men had tried to cross the yard - well , they wouldn 't have made it far . But , I have already told you this . I 've told you papa was a man of power . I told you of what happened to men who tried to harm him . Even though he did not always do the right thing , something fierce and loyal protected him . He also knew things that were hidden . He packed us up before the tree fell . A spirit who never aged showed up as a man more than once . Often people do not understand men like my father or women like my mother , and , in fact , think them as a bit crazy . Sometimes this arrogance amuses me , the condescension of better dressed and moneyed people toward those more powerful than they can understand . As I heard the stories of my father 's father and his mother , I came to understand that , just as in my mother 's family , these gifts are generational . While my mother 's might have been a little more gentle than my father 's , both were emphatically present for as far back as I can reach . I dream , sometimes about different dimensions , about the creation of thingness , including you and me . In the longhouse , I see little waves splashing across the floor . Light rolls along the walls sometimes . At other times , it breaks in shards from wall to floor . I don 't see auras as some people do , but I sometimesMedicine is not Casual As most of you know I had a teacher who taught me the spiritual use of plants , the basics of which extended over many years . What she taught was not casual or to be altered for convenience . What she taught was a strict and demanding discipline . When I use one of these medicines , I do not look for a way to fit it into my day . Instead , on the days that I use the plants in this way , those days are about only that plant , that relationship . Even if there are six children and two dogs in the house , I stay inside the envelope of medicine . Or , as I sometimes put it , I sit back inside myself . I am quiet . I do not go to the mall or eat in a restaurant . If I need to buy food , I go and return . I don 't let myself be diverted by other errands and possibilities . When I am in deep prayer I keep myself in the territory of the Holy . Before I begin , I prepare the container that is used only for the medicine plants . I attune my awareness for what is coming . The plant and I are in alignment . We are one . We are enmeshed . She talks to me and I hear . She opens my eyes even before I begin . I never doubt what comes . And in this long relationship , sometimes a plant will come of its own accord to take care of a problem , or open a means . Medicine can be subtle , but she can also rattle the house . She brought me to this home in which I live , and told me how to take care of the land . She gave me my last job before retirement , and told me when to leave . There are those who know the plants in ways far different than I do . They are deeply engaged in knowledge about which I know only a little , but the medicine I understand is what the Divine sent to me . When the offer came , I was so amazed and grateful I leapt at the opportunity . I worked in the early morning , at noon , at dusk and midnight . I sat in the rain with the barest cover . I dipped in winter 's water . I find no contradiction between this medicine and Sundance , Longhouse or Christianity . The Creator is large enough to hold all these . But each has its own strictness and if we throw An Emergency of Unreasonable Feeling Medicine does not wake me at 4 AM and send me onto the mountain side as it once did . She seems to know my knees aren 't as reliable , my arms not as strong , and one hip a little too cranky for steep slopes and off the path meandering . I miss those times , how true she was to shock my senses and break me open , to satisfy my need to know the power and beauty and magic of her early morning presence . The pleasure of those experiences when I was younger somewhat rested in my need to be reassured beyond doubt , and the mountain 's kind answer . I needed her to tell me she was still there , always had been , always would be . I think I don 't need this as much as I once did as doubt doesn 't plague me , so she brings the mountain to me , the rushing water , the deep mystery of the slack tide under moonlight and beneath the hovering presence of the mountain . Yet , that urgent need I once felt to arrive in the mountains before first light , occasionally comes in other ways . Last night , just as I was ready to sleep , I abruptly swung my legs to the floor and tore the house apart looking for the drawing of a female Old One that a friend drew for me some time ago , black ink , simple and compelling . I am terrible to give things away and forget , so I tried to imagine circumstances in which I might have done so again . I couldn 't have . I wouldn 't have . Not her . As these things are apt to be , I found her finally right where I 'd already looked several times . I am reminded of how it is sometimes when I am searching for a particular plant - I look and look and look , then find it at my feet , there and not there . She makes me laugh . Sometimes . So , the mountain found me last night , not as tracks in the snow , the bear 's den under a dry bank , not as song in the trees , but as an emergency of unreasonable feeling , a compelling urgency . I am wondering if the Old One wishes to have a role in this new book , if the story of the mountain , any mountain , is necessarily incomplete without her . Or is she here , again , in the woods around the houseTimes of Intensity In the out - there world , tectonic plates are shifting . These shifts are too big to be driven by a political party or even a single country . Some of the changes seem awful to many and some overdue . I turn to what my teacher said about times like this , times of intense energy - whether natural ones like an eclipse , or an explosive reordering of the collective psyche . She said , " Use it . " By this she meant pull the energy into your spirit . Think of it as fuel . Take the offering of this gift and make it your own . Far better than the opposite , of allowing disorder to make food of us . She said , " Use the power of it . " Use it to deepen prayer for your family . Or galvanize a new direction or project . First , however , it is necessary to emotionally withdraw from the collective drama . Pull back a little bit , she said . This doesn 't mean you don 't care about the outcome , but it does mean not to be captured by the fray . " Don 't get tangled up , " was her constant refrain . Yes , I know , she was a strange old woman . One time she came to my house when my mother was here . I wondered how these two powerful women would get along . As they sat down together on the couch , face to face , I imagined a collision of such magnitude I might have to hide bodies and repaint the walls . That didn 't happen , of course . My mother was very interested in what my teacher had to say , and offered parallels from her own understanding . I should have known . After all , my teacher said she taught me for the sake of my grandmother - another strange old woman . My teacher wasn 't interested in politics , but some mornings when I awoke she 'd already have the TV on watching the news without the sound . She didn 't know who the people were , but in her quiet way she watched the gestures , the postures and the face , the interactions , and she taught me what she was doing . " Look , " she 'd say , " whatever he just said was a lie , and the one over there on the right knows the truth . " She didn 't care who they were or what the lie ; she was teaching << Previous
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We couldn 't have asked for a more beautiful day for the first day of summer . Temps were in the 70 's F with low humidity . I was carless today - Tim had to borrow my car to go to work , as his car was in the shop . Normally I hate being without a car as there 's rarely a day I 'm not running out somewhere , whether it be errands or physical therapy . I also don 't like the feeling of being without a car at my disposal - just in case of an emergency or I have a hankering to go somewhere . However , today being carless turned out to be a blessing in disguise . I got so much done both inside the house and out in the yard . But , best of all , I took the time for some self - care . I did my PT exercises and light yoga and then I actually got on my bike for the first time since my knee surgery . I could 've rode sooner - it wasn 't a physical thing - but I 've either been off and running somewhere , or the weather was too hot . Unfortunately , I think there 's something wrong with the gears on the bike , so I 'm going to have Brian take a look at it . If he can 't figure it out , it 's going into the bike shop . I want to make bike riding a regular thing since it 's good for my knee . I had my late morning smoothie on the front porch while reading Denise Levertov poetry . Now that was relaxing . I need to take the time to do things like that more often . I 'm a very high - energy person and always doing something . That 's a good thing in its own way - I mean , I 'm glad I have a lot of energy most days - but as someone who also has high anxiety , I have to remember that it 's also good to take a little time to relax and do something calming . In other news , this past weekend I stopped by a favorite antique shop to see what kind of outdoor goodies they had . For a little shop , I sure wasn 't disappointed . I was looking around , liking what I saw but nothing really striking me as " have to have for my yard " . All of a sudden , I saw this plant stand . I knew it would be perfect for my patio . I had been looking for a metal plant stand all season , but with no luck . For several years , I was using a wicker shelving unit that I got a long time ago at a thrift store . From being exposed to the elements all those years , it was peeling and worn , with the bottom shelf falling apart . Here 's the plant stand in its new home - on my patio . I think it 's just perfect . : - ) Most every morning , especially when the weather is hot , my breakfast is a nutritious , filling and delicious smoothie . I simply throw these ingredients into the blender in this order : enough Silk Unsweetened Almond - Coconut milk just to cover the blades , about a cup of organic frozen mixed fruit , a banana , a dollop of unsweetened plain Greek yogurt , a tablespoon of hemp hearts , a sprinkling of turmeric , and a handful of organic baby spinach . Takes only a few minutes to make and you could even pour this into a portable drink container to take in your car if you 're going to work or an appointment , etc . in the morning . You can easily mix this up with different fruits , kale instead of spinach , add some flaxseed meal instead of hemp hearts ( or , use both ) , or even put in a little unsweetened organic coconut for a tropical taste . This ginger kitty had been hanging around our house the past few weeks , driving my cats nuts when they saw him through the windows . I think he belongs to someone on the street in back of us , because he 'd always run through the arborvitaes in the back yard to get to the houses behind us . With the weather being in the 90 's this past week , I haven 't seen him , so I hope that means the owners are keeping him inside . Which they should be doing all the time , anyway . All my plants are really taking off . . . I can 't believe how huge this red - veined sorrel got since last year . It was just a tiny plant when I bought it . It 's also flowering now , which is kind of pretty . I 'm not sure whether to leave it like this , or if I should cut this growth off . If it means those little buds are going to fall off and self - seed , then I suppose I should cut them . My Kentucky Pole Bean plant is growing about an inch every day now ! I 'm sure it won 't be long before the pods start forming on the vines . You might recall from a previous post , that this " trellis " is actually my boy 's crib springs . : - ) And , the hostas ! We have them all around our house , but this one astounds me every year with how huge it is . We 've even divided it several times already . The tiger lilies in our front ditch have just started to bloom . They 're such a pretty filler for an unsightly area , but once the blooms fade , the plant itself isn 't far behind and then they look scrappy . That 's the downfall to tiger lilies , but oh well . We enjoy them while they last . Guess what else is in bloom now ? Mulberries ! Our mean next door neighbor has two huge mulberry trees on her property , one of which hangs directly over the south side of our house . That 's where we have a lot of nice perennials , potted plants , and the patio . We just had her trees trimmed last month ( and that was an ugly , horrendous story in itself ) but still , these disgusting mulberries drop all over our patio . And the patio furniture . And all over the perennial beds . And into plant pots . They stink and attract flies . So , every day I 'm out there sweeping up these mushy berries . I also had to move the two rocking chairs up against the house to protect them from the mulberries . I 'd also love to get an outdoor rug for the patio , but it would get ruined . Happy June ! We are having the most glorious weather here in northern Illinois . After a very rainy May , we 've had nothing but sunshine and pleasant temps ( OK , except for 90 degrees this past weekend ) for well over a week . And this week looks to be the same up until the weekend , when again , temps are expected to be in the low 90 's . Too soon for that kind of heat . Anyway , I 've been spending a lot of time outdoors : Planting more flowers , weeding , trimming bushes , and finally enjoying the patio . Columbine thrives in the low humidity and gentle warmth . It 's the first thing to bloom in my butterfly garden . Once the heat kicks up , this beautiful plant fades away . We have a surprise amongst the lilies in the front ditch : Daisy Fleabane . I didn 't know what it was until I happened to see it on Claudia 's blog . It 's a wildflower - most likely seeded by birds . Isn 't it pretty ? A few weeks ago when we planted this poppy plant ( front ) , we forgot to take into consideration that the Joe Pye Weed ( foreground ) grows like crazy and spreads . This is just the start to its growth - it gets over three feet tall . I 'm going to have to dig some of this up and replant it elsewhere before it overtakes the poppy plant ! I came home with a candy corn vine and more flowers for one last large planter . I was really excited about the candy corn vine , as I was looking for a vine that would grow in partial sun for a trellis we have in front of the house . Plus , you can bring it indoors and over - winter it . I planted it in a pot in front of the trellis , so I can do just that once the cold weather arrives again . My sister gave me a huge jade plant . I looked all over for a large indoor plant pot that didn 't weigh a ton and was halfway attractive . I finally found this pot at Walmart . It 's resin , so lightweight . I have the plant in front of a south - facing window in the spare bedroom , so I hope it does well . Lastly , I thought I 'd share a couple of pictures of my fur babies . Monkey ( top ) and Clementine look so peaceful sleeping in their cat tree , don 't they ? Monkey is such a big kitty ( not fat - just tall and long ) that he barely fits in his bed . He always has a leg or two hanging out . Clementine - my sweet little girl - is Monkey 's mama . : - ) And speaking of sleeping kitties , where did I find Zippo the other night ? Sleeping on the kitchen counter ! He 's never done that before , so I don 't know why he chose that spot , all of a sudden . Oh well , at his age - 18 - I suppose it 's easy to fall asleep just about anywhere . I think we 're a little bit late in the game this year with our gardening efforts . We can blame yucky weather ( we 've had a lot of rain and cool temperatures ) , full schedules , and my knee . I still can 't crouch down or kneel and I 'm still struggling with swelling , stiffness and discomfort after being on my feet for several hours . This is despite still being in PT and doing some exercises at home every day , plus elevating and icing . But , I digress . This narrow gardening space is on the south side of our house , up against our ( nice ) neighbor 's fence . Last year , Brian planted the clematis and four cherry tomato plants . This year , Brian dug up more ground and so we have from left to right : pole beans ( we 're using our kid 's old crib springs for a trellis ! ) , rhubarb , yellow and red cherry tomatoes , clematis , and a peony bush - which I know is hard to see in this photo . It 's tiny right now . I am thrilled with the clematis this year . Brian bought this plant for me for Mother 's Day last year and it was maybe 6 " tall . Amazing that it 's already growing over the top of the trellis . The idea of even planting something against this ugly privacy fence came to me last year when Brenda at Cozy Little House said something to the effect of , " If you don 't like the view out your window , do something outside to make it pretty . " So , we did just that . Much better ! We have a little circular garden in our back yard but it doesn 't get a lot of sun . The tickseed that I planted several years ago that came back beautifully every year , didn 't appear at all this year . And the rose bush I had here was scrawny and weeds were overtaking it , so Brian dug that up and threw it away . That left two phlox plants and one was looking pitiful , so that got dug up , too . All that remained was one lonely phlox . Brian dug up another from the butterfly garden and planted it in the circular garden , and then we purchased two Bleeding Heart plants and planted them in the circular garden as well . When all these plants fill out and flower , I think this little garden will be really pretty . On to the butterfly garden . . . the only thing blooming right now is the Columbine ( back , left ) . Brian dug up ( notice Brian has been doing a lot of digging ? ! ) a small area in the middle of the Lamb 's Ear and we planted Bee Balm . We planted two more Bee Balm plants near the back , right underneath the bench . I can 't wait to see if these do well in this garden . . . they 're supposed to grow tall with beautiful , brightly colored blooms . Most of all , I hope the bees , butterflies and hummingbirds are attracted to them . While Brian was busy doing all that digging , I was busy planting flowers in pots . We picked up this two - tiered planter on our last trip to IKEA . They sell these pots individually , so you can make however many tiers you want . After filling up the bottom pot with dirt and flowers , I found it was really heavy , so I didn 't want to do the same with the top pot . I found three small , lightweight planters in my garage and planted vinca vines in each . I think this will be really pretty when the vines start growing down the sides of the planter . We 've not set up the patio yet this year except for uncovering the patio furniture and getting it into place . It 's been so rainy that the cushions are still in the garage . I did get one large patio planter done - except I ran out of petunias when doing this planter ! Back to the garden center for me . Meet my new gardening buddy - the Fiskars Deluxe Stand - Up Weeder . This thing makes weeding so easy ; I wish I knew about it earlier . You simply place the pointed prongs over the weed , put your foot on the foot press . . . and then eject your weed into your pile ! It actually makes weeding kind of fun . . . though my entire yard is weeds , so I 'd have to dig up the whole yard to get them all . And that 's not gonna happen . I 'm just pulling up the ones around plants and the walkways . You might recall that last month , I mentioned I was working on a big project - cleaning out my bookcases . I 'm proud to say that I finished last week . . . weeding out and donating . What you see below is the second round . I had already donated eight bags of books to a local library when I took this photo . I ended up getting rid of about 500 books ! ( Later edit : These were books I hadn 't even read ! They were all from library book sales and paperbackswap . com . ) Here we are with the finished project . Sorry for the poor photo quality - it 's hard to get good photos in a dark basement . Also , my treadmill is in the way . It was too hard for me to move it completely out of the way - that sucker is heavy ! If you take a look at the middle section of the bookcase , the last four shelves are now filled with photo albums and scrapbooks . Previously , most of the photo albums were on the shelf in our tiny hallway coat closet . And , amazingly enough , there 's actually an empty bookshelf on the bottom right ! A Mindful Evening : At the end of a busy day , sleep can sometimes prove elusive . But that doesn 't have to be the case . By integrating meditation into your nighttime routine , you can set the stage for quality rest . A Mindful Evening gives you the tools you need to power down at night . With nearly 200 inspiring quotes and short , easy mindfulness exercises , you 'll learn how to end your day with a clear head and calming energy . These simple moments of awareness , healing postures , and meditations can help soothe your soul as you conclude each day and prepare for a tranquil , restful night 's sleep . The Middlepause : On Life After Youth : The Middlepause offers a vision of contentment in middle age , without sentiment or delusion . Marina Benjamin weighs the losses and opportunities of our middle years , taking inspiration from literature , science , philosophy , and her own experience . Spurred by her surgical propulsion into a sudden menopause , she finds ways to move forward while maintaining clear - eyed acknowledgment of the challenges of aging . Attending to complicated elderly parents and a teenaged daughter , experiencing bereavement , her own health woes , and a fresh impetus to give , Benjamin emerges into a new definition of herself as daughter , mother , citizen , and woman . Self - Compassion : Kristin Neff , Ph . D . , says that it 's time to " stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind . " Self - Compassion : Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind offers expert advice on how to limit self - criticism and offset its negative effects , enabling you to achieve your highest potential and a more contented , fulfilled life . More and more , psychologists are turning away from an emphasis on self - esteem and moving toward self - compassion in the treatment of their patients - and Dr . Neff 's extraordinary book offers exercises and action plans for dealing with every emotionally debilitating struggle , be it parenting , weight loss , or any of the numerous trials of everyday living . An Everlasting Meal : Cooking with Economy and Grace : In this meditation on cooking and eating , Tamar Adler weaves philosophy and instruction into approachable lessons on feeding ourselves well . An Everlasting Meal demonstrates the implicit frugality in cooking . In essays on forgotten skills such as boiling , suggestions for what to do when cooking seems like a chore , and strategies for preparing , storing , and transforming ingredients for a week 's worth of satisfying , delicious meals , Tamar reminds us of the practical pleasures of eating . She explains what cooks in the world 's great kitchens know : that the best meals rely on the ends of the meals that came before them . With that in mind , she shows how we often throw away the bones , skins , and peels we need to make our food both more affordable and better . She also reminds readers that almost all kitchen mistakes can be remedied . Summoning respectable meals from the humblest ingredients , Tamar breathes life into the belief that we can start cooking from wherever we are , with whatever we have . Eat This Poem : Food and poetry are two of life 's essential ingredients . In the same way that salt seasons ingredients to bring out their flavors , poetry seasons our lives ; when celebrated together , our everyday moments and meals are richer and more meaningful . The tweEli the Good : Bicentennial fireworks burn the sky . Bob Seger growls from a transistor radio . And down by the river , girls line up on lawn chairs in pursuit of the perfect tan . Yet for ten - year - old Eli Book , the summer of 1976 is the one that threatened to tear his family apart . There is his distant mother ; his traumatized Vietnam vet dad ; his wild sister ; his former warprotester aunt ; and his tough yet troubled best friend , Edie , the only person with whom he can be himself . As tempers flare and his father 's nightmares rage , Eli watches from the sidelines , but soon even he cannot escape the current of conflict . From Silas House comes a tender look at the complexities of childhood and the realities of war - a quintessentially Southern novel filled with music , nostalgic detail , a deep respect for nature , and a powerful sense of place . Ever hear anyone say they were glad it was Monday ? Probably not , but that 's how I 'm feeling today . Granted , I have a busy week ahead of me , but I 'm almost glad to be back to my regular routine . I thought Friday was going to be a good day . We had tree trimmers coming out here to trim our neighbor 's trees that overhang both sides of our property . I don 't want to get into too many specifics because I don 't like to dwell on negative crap , but basically our nasty neighbor to our south had a conniption fit and was threatening both me and the tree trimmers . ( We had even sent her a certified letter ahead of time , letting her know what was going to be done - back to her property line . And she signed for the letter , so she knew what was coming . ) After the tree trimmers left , I went to the police station and talked to an officer about what was going on , though he said it becomes a civil matter . The whole thing was very stressful . Enough of that . . . onto a much better day : Saturday . Brian and I decided to " get the hell out of Dodge " and headed to Lake Geneva , Wisconsin . We spent a few hours walking around , going in and out of shops , and stopping for lunch . It was cool and windy by the lake in the morning ( as evidenced by the waves above and my hair below ) , but the winds calmed down and the sun came out in the afternoon . We found a new shop where the chalkboard sign outside said , " Like a live etsy shop ! " Sounded interesting enough to draw us in . Inside , there were a bunch of different consigned booths . Everything from home decor . . . I loved this old , hand - stitched double quilt . It was in immaculate condition . The shop owner was kind enough to unfold it for me and let me take photos . The one thing I ended up purchasing was this hand - crocheted runner . I 'll show you the whole thing another time . This is just a teaser photo . Isn 't it lovely ? The shop was running a 15 % off Mother 's Day deal , so I got a great price on it . One of our favorite stores in Lake Geneva was this bookstore - The Breadloaf Bookshop . It used to be in a beautiful old white house on a corner across from the lake . We thought it had gone out of business several years ago , as when we were up there one time , the shop was gone . Imagine our delight when we were walking around and spied this door on the side of a used - to - be church building ! It was smaller than the old store , but still interesting to look around . Though we didn 't get much of a chance because the shop owner was way too chatty . Perhaps that 's why we were the only ones in there ! I bought a book just to get the shop owner occupied with a transaction instead of nonstop chatter , though I do like supporting independent bookshops . We were then able to make our hasty exit . Sunday was a gorgeous day . My wonderful husband worked out in the yard for eight hours . He dug out more garden space , dug out invasive plants , dug out weeds , trimmed bushes , and planted a peony bush , Bluebells , and the Celadine Poppy and Bishop 's Cap plants I got at the native plant sale last week . Tim weeded the herb garden and planted sage , oregano and parsley . Good thing I have my guys - I still can 't crouch all the way down nor kneel just yet . ( Still healing from meniscus surgery . ) Of course , it was also Mother 's Day - one of those holidays I have mixed emotions about , especially with the loss of Phil even more apparent . For dinner , Brian barbequed bratwurst that we had gotten in Wisconsin , plus a grill basket of mixed veggies . This gift was in the card from Tim . Isn 't that great ? I can 't wait to work with him on a header design for my blog . The one mishap during the day was when I slammed my pinky toe into the leg of a nightstand . I can 't tell you how many times I 've smashed my toes on furniture , but this time was different . . . soon after my klutzy encounter , I noticed the toe was really swollen . I iced it , but a few hours later , it started turning purple on the inside and outside of the toe . I have a feeling I fractured it . Happy Monday , indeed ! Created by Although the people in it are its most important element , home is also a place of return , the physical hub of my schedule - and of my imagination . In my mind , the entire globe revolves around a single spot , where a bright red " You Are Here " arrow hovers undetected above our roof . ( Gretchen Rubin , " Happier at Home " ) We can do no great things ; just small things with great love . ( Mother Teresa ) Tell me , what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life ? " ( Mary Oliver ) Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate . Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure . It is our light , not our darkness that most frightens us . We ask ourselves , who am I to be brilliant , gorgeous , talented and fabulous ? Actually , who are you not to be ? You are a child of God . ( Marianne Williamson ) Finish every day and be done with it . You have done what you could ; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in ; forget them as soon as you can . Tomorrow is a new day ; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense . ( Ralph Waldo Emerson )
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Now that we all survived the Apocalypse of 2012 , have you figured out you goals for 2013 yet ? Now I have to be fair and honest with this topic , I am horrible about setting goals , and because of that , it seems that most , to all the things I wanted to do this past year didn 't get done . So one of my goals this year is to set some goals and here 's how I 'm going to do it with these 5 steps . 1 ) Be specific . For example : If one of your goals is to get out of debt , don 't just write down that you 're going to pay off debt . Instead , write down that you 're going to pay off X , Y , Z debts 2 ) Make your goals measurable . How do you know if you 've achieved the goals , if they 're not measurable . Taking the example from above , how many debts do you want to pay off this year ? 3 , 5 , 10 , how many ? Or you could give it a dollar amount . Write down that you want to pay off $ 2000 , $ 5000 , or whatever you decide . 3 ) Are they your goals ? These goals have to be yours ! Or if its a joint goal with your spouse , you both have to agree with it . You have to take ownership of it or it won 't work . This has to be something you want to do or again , it won 't work . 4 ) Set a time limit . You have to set yourself a deadline for when you have to have your goals accomplished by . Using our same example , don 't just write down that you 're going to pay X debt or $ 2000 , but write down that you 're going to pay X debt or $ 2000 by Feb 28th or whatever you decide the deadline should be . 5 ) Put them in writing . It astounds me that when you put your goals down on paper , they will get done compared to if you type them up on a computer or keep them in your head . So give your goals a fighting chance , write them down . Now don 't just write down your goals and stash them some place and never look at them again . Look at and go over them often and don 't be discouraged if a new goal pops up and you have to put a current goal on hold or postpone it for another time . Just keep going ! I hope my posts inspire you to look at what you 're doing financially and if needed , make some changes that will cause you to win financially . I also look forward to reading your views on any articles or postings that I may post . For more money news , facts and ideas , follow me on Facebook , or Twitter . Thank you ! Just a short blog this week to thank every one of you out there who have been reading my blog , liked and followed me on Facebook & Twitter , and who have made comments and asked questions in this past year ! Believe me when I tell you , that I 'd rather be helping all of you than doing my day job ! One day I 'll be able to make the transition from one to the other . I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year ! I hope my posts inspire you to look at what you 're doing financially and if needed , make some changes that will cause you to win financially . I also look forward to reading your views on any articles or postings that I may post . For more money news , facts and ideas , follow me on Facebook , or Twitter . Thank you ! Well if any one of the things I 've heard that 's going to happen on 12 / 21 / 12 , aka , Doomsday this will be my last blog posting . Mayan calender ending , earthquakes , alien invasions , earth colliding with planet X , dog storms , polar shifts , and last , but not least , zombies . Cripe , I don 't even know why we even bought Christmas gifts this year . I 'm not even going to be able to open them . Really ? ! This is what I believe . . . " Then if anyone says to you , ' Behold , here is the Christ , ' or ' There He is , ' do not believe him . For false Christs and false prophets will arise and will show great signs and wonders , so as to mislead , if possible , even the elect . Behold , I have told you in advance . So if they say to you , ' Behold , He is in the wilderness , ' do not go out , or , ' Behold , He is in the inner rooms , ' do not believe them . For just as the lightning comes from the east and flashes even to the west , so will the coming of the Son of Man be . Wherever the corpse is , there the vultures will gather . But immediately after the tribulation of those days THE SUN WILL BE DARKENED , AND THE MOON WILL NOT GIVE ITS LIGHT , AND THE STARS WILL FALL from the sky , and the powers of the heavens will be shaken . And then the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky , and then all the tribes of the earth will mourn , and they will see the SON OF MAN COMING ON THE CLOUDS OF THE SKY with power and great glory . And He will send forth His angels with A GREAT TRUMPET and THEY WILL GATHER TOGETHER His elect from the four winds , from one end of the sky to the other . Now learn the parable from the fig tree : when its branch has already become tender and puts forth its leaves , you know that summer is near ; so , you too , when you see all these things , recognize that He is near , right at the door . Truly I say to you , this generation will not pass away until all these things take place . Heaven and earth will pass away , but My words will not pass away . But of that day and hour no one knows , not even the angels of heaven , nor the Son , but the Father alone . " - Jesus Christ , Book of Matthew 24 : 23 - 24 : 36 - There have been so many times the end of the world has been predicted and every one of them have been false , so why would this be any different ? With that being said , what does all this have to do with our finances ? Simple , we should not let fear be a factor in our decision making process , especial when it comes to our finances . When we make decisions based on fear , we make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes are more costly than the things we 're afraid of . So don 't stop paying down your debts , don 't stop saving money for retirement , and don 't stop teaching your children how to handle money . In other words , keep living your life as if nothing was going to happen . Because as the scripture states above , " . . . that day and hour no one knows " when the end of the world will happen and when it does , you can 't take your money with you anyways . If all the talk about the end of the world coming has made you afraid , then you need to talk to someone about it . A pastor or counselor are perfect places to start . Because the bible also states " For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war : and in multitude of counsel there is safety . " - Proverbs 24 : 6 KJV - . I personally don 't believe that the end of the world is this week . We 're still making plans for Christmas , for January , etc . . . so talk to someone if you 're afraid . This time of year is suppose to be a happy time filled with family and friends . 5 ) What are your plans for 2013 ? I hope my posts inspire you to look at what you 're doing financially and if needed , make some changes that will cause you to win financially . I also look forward to reading your views on any articles or postings that I may post . For more money news , facts and ideas , follow me on Facebook , or Twitter . Thank you ! It is always a sad time in our live when we lose a loved one , but depending on the circumstances , it could also be an incredible blessing if they have left you an inheritance with a dollar amount attached to it . But what should you do with it ? Most people I know would take a trip , buy a bunch of stuff , or maybe do some repairs to their home . None of those are a bad thing , but is there something better that that inheritance can go towards ? In my opinion , there is one question that I will ask myself when this happens , " What can I do with this inheritance that best honors the loved one that gave it to me ? " I see no better way of doing that than bettering our lives in the long run . In our case , we would have to go right down our 7 Baby Steps . 1 ) Establish a baby emergency fund of $ 1000 . 2 ) Pay off our debts smallest to largest with the Debt Snowball . 3 ) Go back to the baby emergency fund and boost it up to 3 to 6 months worth of your household expenses 4 ) Put 15 % of our take home pay into retirement funds . IRA 's , 401K 's , 403B 's , and Roth 's . 5 ) Fund kids college using Educational Savings Accounts ( ESA 's ) and 529 plans . 6 ) Pay off our home early . 7 ) Build wealth and give a bunch away . Now I 'd like to make myself clear so I don 't sound like I 'm just waiting for someone to just kick the bucket and leave me with a bunch of cash . I 've had many relatives pass away in my lifetime and I have never asked , " What am I getting ? " To me , that is selfish , uncaring and rude ! If I inherited some cash after someone passed , great ! I 'll go as far as I can in the Baby Steps . If I don 't get anything , that 's fine too . The memories I have of them are all I need . Those are priceless ! ! Now if I received a rather large amount of cash in an inheritance and I was able to get through the Baby Steps with cash left over to play a bit by going on a trip for a week or so , then you can bet on that I 'm going to do just that . Because I know my loved one would want me to enjoy that money also . Of course , this is what I would do . You 'd have to decide what you would do . I don 't want to improve our financial situation with the loss of a loved one , but if by some chance they bless me with an inheritance , I will not only honor their memory with it , but use it to improve my family 's life as well . I hope my posts inspire you to look at what you 're doing financially and if needed , make some changes that will cause you to win financially . I also look forward to reading your views on any articles or postings that I may post . For more money news , facts and ideas , follow me on Facebook , or Twitter . Thank you ! The only reason I 'm posting this is to give you an example of what NOT to do ! ! ! The guy who wrote this posting , Kevin McKee did this and thought that it was a good plan , but his plan only works if nothing goes wrong . In a sense , he is not factoring in risk . From everything I 've read , he has taken on a whole bunch of risk ! ! As he put it in his posting , " There are No Absolutes in Personal Finance " . We don 't know what will happen ! So let 's go over what he did a bit at a time . He said that he . . . " had to sell essentially all of my stocks , drain my Roth IRA , and even take a loan against my 401k to get the money for the down payment , but after doing all of that , I now have enough money for closing . " But he even admits , " I actually don 't even know exactly how much I 'll need at closing because all the paperwork and stuff isn 't done . " So how does he have enough money for his closing & what if after all that he 's still short for the closing ? Putting all that off to the side for now , I have no problem with him selling off his stocks to put towards the down payment to the house he wants to buy , but cashing in his Roth IRA & taking a loan out of his 401K is a whole other matter . Just those two things tells me that he is trying to buy a house that he can 't afford . Not because he is taking out a mortgage to get it but because he has liquidated and taken out loans from his retirement accounts just for the down payment . The Roth IRA for example , because a Roth grows tax free , he didn 't have to pay taxes when he cashed it out , but he did have to pay a penalty for withdrawing it out early . But what makes me dislike this part of the plan the most is that most of the money in his investment was growth . For example : if you take $ 2000 and invest it at 10 % rate of return for 20 years , that would be $ 14 , 656 . 19 . $ 12 , 656 . 19 of that was interest and that was all tax free . Now I don 't know and he didn 't say how much he had in that account , but he missed out on a bunch of money . The 401K loan is a horse of a different color . When you take out a 401K loan , you are taking a loan out of a tax - deferred retirement plan and you pay yourself back , sometimes with interest . But if you take out a loan from this account and you leave your job , that loan comes due right then and there and if you don 't pay it back within 60 days , not only will you have to pay back the money you borrowed but you 'll have to pay taxes and penalties of anywhere between 34 - 47 % . So my question to you is , how many stories have you heard lately of people losing their jobs ? No job is secure , please remember that before you take out these kinds of loans . Here is a link to backup what I 've told you . On top of all this risk , he add a possible balance of $ 2000 on his credit card for the purchase of his fiancee 's engagement ring . All it takes for this young man 's brilliant plan to go from good to nightmare is the loss of his job . When that happens his 401K loan becomes due , and even though him and his new bride could last for a little while on his savings , it probably won 't last long now that he has a huge tax bill on his hands . On top of that , he probably won 't be able to pay on his new mortgage . As for his credit card , he probably won 't be able to pay it off every month like he says he does , in fact , they will probably live off them to make up the loss income . This is the type of stuff we hear about all the time . It 's not too far fetched to think this could happen . All it will take to knock over his perfect house of cards is one bad event . With this amount of risk he set himself up with , all he has to do is trip and he 'll be in a world of hurt . I hope my posts inspire you to look at what you 're doing financially and if needed , make some changes that will cause you to win financially . I also look forward to reading your views on any articles or postings that I may post . For more money news , facts and ideas , follow me on Facebook , or Twitter . Thank you ! Have you ever watched the TV series Smallville ? If you haven 't , Smallville is the story about the young Clark Kent ( a . k . a . Superman ) living on his adopted parent 's Kansas farm . In the series you follow Clark as he discovers and develops his super abilities as well as his existing and future relationships . One of those relationships is with his longtime high school sweetheart , Lana Lang . To make a long story short , in one of the episodes , Clark and Lana are visited by a trio of superhero time traveler . After everything is said and done and the day is saved once more , a couple of the time travelers vaguely tell Clark and Lana what is to become of them in the future Shortly after the trio go back to their time , Clark and Lana discuss what they were told , and towards the end of their conversation , Lana wisely tells Clark , " Our destinies are not written in some book in the future we write it ourselves everyday . " Which Clark follows up with , " Then the question is , what do we write next ? " Now I know that what they said had nothing to do with money , but those two comments could very easily be used when discussing it . Let me explain by rewriting it a bit . . . " Whether our destinies are for us to be broke or wealthy , it is not written in some book in the future , we write it ourselves everyday . " 2 ) What are you going to do about it ? 3 ) Do you feel like your financial situation is going to stay the same no matter what you do ? 4 ) What are some of the things you can do now to start changing it ? 5 ) Do you need help making those changes ? Let me help . I hope my posts inspire you to look at what you 're doing financially and if needed , make some changes that will cause you to win financially . I also look forward to reading your views on any articles or postings that I may post . For more money news , facts and ideas , follow me on Facebook , or Twitter . Thank you ! For most people , a second part time job or some overtime is necessary to either get out of debt or to pick up the financial slack due to someone in your household not working anymore . No matter what you 're doing , for whatever reason , you will not win with your money if you don 't change the behaviors that got you into your mess in the first place . Personal finance is 20 % knowledge , 80 % behavior . To put it another way , we all know that we are supposed to eat good and exercise regularly , but a good portion of us don 't do it , myself included . It is just so much easier to do whatever we 've always been doing . But it makes no sense to work all those extra hours , earning all that extra money if you are still spending more than you make . Its not an easy task and it does take more self discipline for some people , but if you can make the changes necessary to win with your money , you will find no greater reward than being debt free and have money in the bank . 1 ) What changes can you and your family make in order to win with money ? I hope my posts inspire you to look at what you 're doing financially and if needed , make some changes that will cause you to win financially . I also look forward to reading your views on any articles or postings that I may post . For more money news , facts and ideas , follow me on Facebook , or Twitter . Thank you ! When I joined the Army back in August , of 1986 , I was 19 years old and fresh out of high school . It was the first time really away from home and on my own . So in a sense , it was like I was going away to college but instead learning math , science , and English I was learning how to blow things up , camouflaging myself to my surroundings , and how to drive armored vehicles . As a private in the Army , single and living in the barracks , I didn 't make a lot of money , especially for the amount of work we did , and when I think about it , I really didn 't need a lot of money . I had 3 square meals made for me each day 24 / 7 , a warm dry bed to sleep in ( a good portion of the time ) , and electricity and water was provided ( again , a good portion of the time ) . I had everything I needed to live on , so that made the money I was earning , I could do with it what I pleased . So I had the PERFECT opportunity to save all , if not most of my pay and leave the military with a boat load of cash in my pocket , but that 's not what I did . I blew it all ! ! Back in those days , it was a time of buying A LOT of crap I didn 't need . I bought an old style ( new then ) 35 mm camera and lens for $ 400 , a HIFI stereo VCR for $ 500 , a movie on video tape for $ 80 , a big box of comic books for $ 65 , two completely different stereo systems for over a $ 1000 , and the list goes on and on . And on top of all of that , I partied my tail off ! ! ! Any night I could go to the bars , I did ! I laughed and kind of made fun of one of my room mates because he just stayed in the barracks and nothing , but when we were getting ready to clear the Army and the post , he was the one who had the last laugh . When we closed out our bank accounts there on post , I walked out with $ 90 to my name . He walked out with $ 10 , 000 . No one pulled me off to the side to tell me that I needed to think about the future . What a waste ! The thing is , everyone in the financial world talks about the college students and debt , but I rarely hear anything about our service men and women and debt or how to save . In my opinion , the two are one in the same and they are both being marketed to just as hard to go into debt and stay into debt . Today 's single soldiers that live in the barracks are bombarded from all kinds of debt companies like payday lenders as soon as they walk off the base , looking for every opportunity to take their HARD earned cash away from them . I hope my posts inspire you to look at what you 're doing financially and if needed , make some changes that will cause you to win financially . I also look forward to reading your views on any articles or postings that I may post . For more money news , facts and ideas , follow me on Facebook , or Twitter . Thank you ! Let 's face it , changing something in our lives when we 've done it a certain way for a long time is hard to do . But sometimes the changes are necessary to better our lives and grow . My wife struggled with change about nine months ago after she quit her job of about 15 years and moved out of a home and away from a town she had lived in for over 20 years . But now she thinks it was a good move on our part . She loves her new job and has gotten use to her new surroundings . I too struggle with change from time to time . Years ago when I moved from Georgia back to Michigan and leaving a failed marriage and my kids with their mother behind was extremely hard for me back then . But there is one thing I 've learned from all the changes in my life and that is sometimes change comes along when we decide to do it . Other times life decides for us . And even though we can 't predict all the changes that will take place in our lifetime , we can either try to prepare for it or be a victim of it , it 's our choice . I hope my posts inspire you to look at what you 're doing financially and if needed , make some changes that will cause you to win financially . I also look forward to reading your views on any articles or postings that I may post . For more money news , facts and ideas , follow me on Facebook , or Twitter . Thank you ! It seems to be the norm these days for men and women to live with each other instead of , or before , getting married . I can 't tell you not to do that because I have . But I have been seeing a trend , especially after this past recession , that people are trying to get on a budget and live within their means , but when it comes to some of the men and women who are just living together , it is almost impossible to do that . And the reason for that is because they 're not married . A lot of times I see the men and women in these relationships , acting like their married but when it comes to their money , they are still living like they 're not , saying , " Its my money and I 'll do what I want with it . " and in a sense , that 's true . It is their money , you 're not married . Only after you get married does the money get pooled together and become " ours " . Now , if you 're planning on getting married and this is a big issue for you , I suggest that you get premarital counseling with your pastor or marriage counselor . If your soon to be significant other won 't do that , then that just might be a deal breaker for your relationship . I hope my posts inspire you to look at what you 're doing financially and if needed , make some changes that will cause you to win financially . I also look forward to reading your views on any articles or postings that I may post . For more money news , facts and ideas , follow me on Facebook , or Twitter . Thank you ! Have you ever loaned money to a family member or a friend ? What about borrowing money from them ? We have done both and it didn 't really do anything to help us , but boy did it add more stress to our lives . It added stress by having to ask for the loan and paying it back or for us asking for repayment after loaning others money , and it does strain the relationships we have in our lives by loaning and borrowing money . The bible says that the borrower is slave to the lender , and after being on both sides of that coin , we know that to be a true statement ! up . You can also find more money news , facts and ideas , on my Facebook and / or Twitter pages . I 'd be grateful if you followed It would seem that even with what happened with the Great Recession of 2008 , people are still worried about their FICO scores . But if you have read anything I wrote , you know that I believe , and a lot of other financial gurus believe , that the FICO score is a false representation of your financial wellness . With so many new , and not so new , products , systems , and businesses sprouting up , there really isn 't any need for FICO anymore . For those of you who are new to my blog , let me explain . . . The FICO score , or credit score , is and always has been , a measure of what your debt history is , what your debt levels are , how long you 've been in debt , the types of debt you have , and what kind of new debt you got . Did you see a pattern there ? It was all bases on debt ! Not how much money you had in savings , not how long you 've been with your employer , and not even how much you make each year . Don 't you think that would be something you 'd like to know if you were going to lend someone money ? I would ! So with that being said , the only way you can have a good to great FICO score is if you borrow money all the time without borrowing too much or too little and pay the lenders back with interest your whole life . That 's it ! That 's all you have to do to get an 800 credit score . Get yourself some credit cards , use them and pay them back every month without missing a single payment . Get yourself a car loan and pay that back every month without missing a single payment . Borrow as much as you can without borrowing too much , and pay those loans back every month without missing a single payment . I just told you the secret to getting that awesome credit score you always wanted . Can you hear the sarcasm ? Well for one , if you get too much debt or not enough debt , your credit score will either be harmed or start to go away . Your debt levels are 30 % of your overall credit score . Interesting isn 't it ? If something goes to a collection agency like your credit cards , car loans , phone bill , utility bills , something over due at the library , traffic tickets , etc . . . those can all put a ding on your credit score . What I find funny is , is that all of those things that were just mentioned , with the exception of the credit cards and car loans ( phone bill , utility bills , something over due at the library , traffic tickets , etc . . . ) won 't help you get a good credit score if you pay them on time , but they will hurt it if you don 't . Errors on your credit report can also harm your credit score . 79 % of the credit reports out there have some kind of errors on them and 25 % of those errors are bad enough to deny you credit . I was just like you all many years ago , thinking that I needed to have a good to great credit score to win with money , but I think it is clear to me now that FICO doesn 't work anymore . I think it is more important to not use FICO any more and use cash for the things that I want . Getting out of debt , and building wealth is what our future consists of now . FICO can go jump in a creek ! ! I hope my posts inspire you to look at what you 're doing financially and if needed , make some changes that will cause you to win financially . I also look forward to reading your views on any articles or postings that I may post . For more money news , facts and ideas , follow me on Facebook , or Twitter . Thanks you ! Americans , we love our TVs don 't we ? And we all have our favorite shows . I mean from sports to drama , to documentaries and sci fi , there is a show for everyone . For me , I like some of everything and I have my share of shows programmed to record on our DVR . As a kid growing up , we didn 't have all the channels like we do today and no DVRs or VCRs either ( VCRs came later in my teens ) . We had 3 channels at worst , 5 at best , and I have to tell you , TV watching has controlled most of my life . I have come to realize over the past few years that I watch A LOT of TV and it has robbed me of some precious time . Time that I can never get back . Time that I could have used to better myself in a bunch of ways . And it is this is the kind of behavior we are passing on to our kids . This is what I mean . Now I don 't want you to get me wrong . In no way shape or form do I think watching TV is evil and I 'm surely not telling you to stop watch it . I 'm just saying that there are better things to do with just half of that time that is more productive and could better your lives in the process . What could you do with 20 extra hours a week that was more productive ? • Do a Budget : You knew that one was coming . Doing a budget can not only help you better your finances , but also , if you 're married , it can help with communicating with your spouse . And most people feel like they got a raise when they do one for the first time . • Read : Pick up a book and read it . Studies have shown that the average millionaire reads a non - fiction book a month , but it really doesn 't matter what kind you read . Readers are always winners . • Spend time with your Family : Sitting in front of the TV with your family for 20 hours or more is not really quality time spent with your family . You could go to sporting events , on picnics , play board games , etc … Quality time . • Overtime : Work some overtime to help pay down debts or save for something big that you would normally go on your credit cards . One month I worked 100 hours in just overtime . 260 hours total and I 'm still here . 20 hours extra a week won 't kill you . • Get in shape : A good portion of us ( myself included ) could use a little more activities in our live to improve our health . Even though going to the gym is a good idea , you don 't always have to do that to get in shape . Walking , jogging , and bike riding are all good for you and for most people , it 's free ! These are just a few ideas I came up with , I 'm sure there are a bunch more you can think of . Just be mindful of how you 're spending your time . Time management is like money management . The more you manage , the more you 'll have ! I hope my posts inspire you to look at what you 're doing financially and if needed , make some changes that will cause you to win financially . I also look forward to reading your views on any articles or postings that I may post . For more money news , facts and ideas , follow me on Facebook , If you have any questions for me about my posts or if you need help learning how to live on less than you make and / or creating a budget , you can call me at ( 616 ) 454 - 2046 or e - mail me at cavuscoaching @ gmail . com . I 'd be happy to help ! You can also find more money news , facts and ideas , on my Facebook and / or Twitter pages . I 'd be grateful if you followed me . Thank you !
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I run 4 times a week and do a workout video 2 times a week . Sometimes the weather is cold and unpleasant - the wind slowed me by over 1 minute per mile when running into it the other day ; sometimes the weather is better - a 60 degree day is in the 5 day forecast ! At least my new March goals have been going reasonably well . I 'm not doing perfectly , especially at the 80 / 20 rule ( Good " Fastnacht Day " ) , but I have been more mindful , especially about getting my workouts in and not eating without purpose at work . I 've also been getting " back into shape " ( not that I was really ever out of shape ) and have been blasting out 5Ks in under 30 minutes ( now let 's just get that back down to under 25 minutes … ) . Short post for this Friday - I didn 't really cook too much this week . Mostly we chowed down on homemade veggie burgers and pizza ( from various sources ) . I did want to do a Food Friday post to share my first experience making Thai style curry , though ! I made this recipe , sans pineapple , and it was really simple and turned out great ! Next time I might add some red pepper flakes and / or sriracha , though - I love spicy food but wasn 't sure how spicy the curry paste would be , so I wanted to try it plain , first . Of course it wasn 't spicy enough for me ( I used to eat homemade horseradish for fun as a child … ) . I 've been making an Indian style lentil curry like , every week because it 's super easy and cheap ( it 's onions , carrots , potatoes , and lentils … . I 'm not sure you could make something cheaper ) . Kris has always had this weird dislike of Indian food , though . I swear he is the only person who finds it " bland . " Maybe he has the equivalent of being tone - deaf to curry powder or something ? He is very picky about which Indian restaurants we go to and so it comes as no surprise to me that my Indian cooking talents ( read : dump in copious amounts of curry powder ) do not match those of the nicest India restaurants in town . I asked him for an honest opinion of the Indian lentil curry and he responded with " why can 't you try peanut curry like we get at the Thai place ? " I 'd be interested in trying that out anyway - any excuse to eat more peanut butter - so I gave it a shot . In addition to being easy to make and quite yummy , I would like to add that the coconut - peanut curry was an incredibly healthy and filling vegetarian dish . I split mine into four servings which came to about 400 calories each , following the recipe exactly ( with the exception of excluding pineapple , which just sounded weird with it ) . That means that with a whole serving of rice , this was a 650 calorie dinner , which is pretty reasonable . It also had several servings of veggies in it ( a whole cup of broccoli in each serving ! ) , which is good for me because although I LOVE veggies I basically just forget to eat enough of them . There are only 13g of protein in this version , but if you wanted to I am sure you could add in some tofu in place of some mushrooms or just use chicken if you aren 't vegetarian , and if you added that protein you could probably stretch this out to 6 servings to reduce calories . There is also a reduced - calorie recipe available on the website that I linked . Happy Friday ! My parting gift to you is a picture of Belle trying to sleep in Misty 's bed and a picture of Misty sleeping on anything but her bed . Note : she has never used her bed . Food Friday I hope everyone is having a good Valentine 's Day ! Kris and I will be spending it the way we usually do - apart ! I have to work for like 9 or 10 hours today so he will have to chill out alone most of the evening until I get home . At least we won 't be in separate states for it this year 🙂 For our date we went to a local restaurant that Kris went to for a former coworker 's retirement party . I really enjoyed it . One of the reasons we went there was that it was BYOB I 've never been to a BYOB place before and I must say it was nice to enjoy wine for both of us for only $ 11 ! I 'm always really awkward at drinking wine in restaurants , though , because I don 't know any etiquette ( this was most embarrassing when we got wine at a really nice place in NYC and the server wanted us to sniff and taste the wine first and we were just kind of like " well , it doesn 't seem terrible , so we 're cool " ) . I really enjoyed the food at this place , too . sorry I didn 't take any pictures - the atmosphere didn 't seem right for me to be snapping tons of smartphone photos ( we were in a room of maybe 8 tables ) . We shared the best spanakopita I 've ever had as an appetizer ( spinach - feta phyllo pastries - they are a mediocre generic app at a lot of places , not here ) ; for my entree I had fried ravioli with spinach in a creamy sauce , one of their many vegetarian options ( they were a bit more crunchy than I expected , though ) ; and we shared an amazing piece of tiramisu for dessert ! I love chocolate but tiramisu is always one of my favorites . The place was a little more pricey but I didn 't feel like it was overpriced because of the quality of the food , which is rare because I can be a super cheap person . I don 't think I significantly changed anything about this recipe . It turned out really well and the serving sizes were larger than I was imagining on the basis of the photo that she showed . I 'd probably use a bit more seasonings next time , though , as it wasn 't quite as flavorful by the time I got around to eating it as I thought it would be from the smells while cooking ! Kris really enjoyed it as well , and it was VERY low in calories ( about 350 per serving ) , so I am sure I will be making it again . The rest of the week we basically ate this for leftovers , until Thursday , when we were stuck at home all day and decided to do nothing but eat . Seriously - we started out the day with cinnamon rolls , snacked on apples and peanut butter , and I tried new recipes for lunch AND dinner . I 'm really glad it doesn 't normally snow this much ! Unfortunately I was not as diligent with snapping photos of these , so you will just have to rely on my descriptions . When I went home for Christmas , my grandpa had given me some canned salmon for some inexplicable reason . Well , perhaps it was that he had no idea what to do with it , because neither did I . I Googled " recipes with canned salmon " and came across a list of 50 things to do with it . The first thing on the list sounded easy enough so that is what we had for lunch . It was … ok . I was really grossed out by the canned salmon - it was like slimy looking and there was a lot of skin I had to peel off - and sort of lost my appetite . I would have been happier just with the eggs , potatoes and vegetables , I think , but I made it with the intent of using the salmon so I made myself eat it . To be fair , this was " smoked salmon , " and it had like maple syrup and brown sugar in it or something , so perhaps that is why it was slimy looking . I have plain canned salmon and I 'll give it another chance with one of the other recipes later . For dinner , I was inspired by this recipe for black bean - quinoa enchiladas . The added bonus of this recipe was that I got to give crockpot beans another attempt to make black beans and it went quite successfully . My freezer is now full of beans ! I wanted actual enchiladas rather than a casserole , so I I halved the recipe and cooked it up in some tortillas . The only other major change I made to this recipe was that I used canned green chiles instead of bother to chop up a jalapeno , because the jalapenos at my grocery store are generally overpriced and low quality . I really enjoyed these , though I thought the calorie count was a little high ( my fault for using tortillas ) and Kris must have really liked them because he ate like half of the pan - there went my plan for leftovers ! I still think I personally prefer the butternut squash ones I made before , though . Stair Workout and Food Friday The outside world is still covered in ice , so I have been spending the day inside again . I tried to mix up my workout a bit by incorporating a " 15 Minutes and You 're Done " workout from Real Simple magazine . Kris and I jokingly refer to this magazine as my " housewife magazine " because it is most certainly targeting that audience and sometimes I find the content quite baffling . I don 't actually subscribe to any other magazines , so it might seem weird that I do this one , which doesn 't seem to match up with many of my tastes . I won a subscription to it about 2 years ago , though , and I really do like a lot of the content ( makeup , cleaning , and cooking tips , typically ) , so I kept it . Also I 'm not really sure how to cancel the subscription . I was hoping I could link to the workout on their website , but it doesn 't seem to be up yet . Therefore , you will just have to settle with my ( inadequate ) description . The workout makes use of your stairs to incorporate both strength and cardio moves and despite its name , took me about 10 minutes . I did this workout 3 times and then added in 10 additional minutes of circuit - training style workouts in order to get in 40 minutes of exercise and burn about 300 calories today . I found the workout surprisingly intense - I was sweating more after this than after my Jillian Michaels * video I did yesterday . Here are the steps to the ( 10 - minute ) workout : Stand with one leg on the 2nd step up and do a step up . When you come back down , bring the leg from the 2nd step behind you and go into a lunge . Do 1 dozen of these for each leg . Do " skaters " up the stairs . Basically go up the stairs 2 at a time swinging your legs out to the edge of the stair . Do 2 sets . Fun fact : doing the mountain climbers reminded me that I could use the stairs to do incline pushups instead of knee pushups . I really struggle with pushups - it is hard to move from knees to full military style ! The incline pushups are a nice challenge for me in between these difficulty levels . Food Friday is going to be relatively boring today . I have worked every evening this week so I didn 't really make very much food ! I did , however , try two things for the first time today : I have been using beans a lot lately and I know that using dried beans instead of canned saves a lot of money , but I hate hate hate cooking beans . I almost always forget to stir them and they will cook off all of the water and burn sometimes . Using the crockpot took WAY longer , but was so much more convenient because I could just forget about them ( until the last couple hours when I needed to go check on them to see if they were done ) . I separated my pound of beans ( chickpeas / garbanzos ) out into 4 containers - 1 for the hummus , and 3 for the freezer . This means that for $ 1 . 25 I got the equivalent of 4 cans of beans ! I bet I could get them even cheaper if I am able to find bulk dried beans rather than 1 pound packages . The hummus is something I 've been thinking about making for a long time , but I 've been avoiding it because tahini = $ $ $ . The recipe I saw was on budget bytes , though , which is a blog about how to make cheap awesome food , which helped to convince me that making it myself would actually be cheaper . After buying all of the ingredients I am guessing that even if it is not cheaper it will at least not be more expensive - the priciest thing I had to buy was the tahini , and to be fair it was only $ 6 . 50 and will make like a million things of hummus . Hummus runs about $ 3 - 5 per tub at my store and we tend to go through about 2 things of it per week so I am thinking that even if this isn 't cheaper it will be more convenient to just always have the ingredients to make more laying around . Actually making the hummus was incredibly simple . Basically all you do is put all the ingredients in a food processor or blender and mix until it 's nice and smooth . Mine did turn out a little bit runny but I think I know why that occurred . My tahini had not yet been stirred up yet so it was very oily ( like natural peanut butter before you stir it ) . The recipe also called for 1 / 4 cup of lemon juice , which seemed like a lot , and I was right - the hummus is WAY more lemony than I would want . I think next time I will use only a tablespoon of lemon juice and adjust from there . I will also try blending the ingredients before adding any water to see if it is even needed ( the recipe said to start with 1 / 4 cup and go from there ) . I might also add more roasted red pepper , but that wouldn 't change much of the consistency - more the flavor . I would say that I am happy with how it turned out , though , and I definitely plan on doing this again ! Hopefully I 'll have more food to talk about next week . I have a 10 hour shift tomorrow so I should be able to continue my protein bar experiment . I am also planning on trying a new recipe on Sunday . If I don 't get a chance to write again over the weekend , have a nice weekend everyone ! * Something that I feel needs mentioning . I don 't watch the Biggest Loser , so I will let others out there who do be the voices heard concerning the controversy surrounding the winner . I will limit my comments to saying that I find it very sad not only that the show allowed this to occur , but also that they encouraged it ( by having her be the winner ) . I also find it sad that the show probably did this because this is what society values - even if she is predominately facing a negative reaction now that she is underweight , she became that way and the show encouraged her to become that way at least in part because of the value that society places on being thin . Food Friday Time for Food Friday again ! This week started out pretty boring - Kris and I were sick so we were pretty much just eating canned soup and orange juice ( more out of being lazy and cold than anything ) . I also had to work at night on Monday , Tuesday , and Wednesday , so I didn 't really make any dinners those nights . I ate something small ( like a granola bar or a can of soup ) before work and a peanut butter sandwich when I got home . How appetizing ! On Thursday , we were basically running out of food , and after packing an incredibly pathetic lunch for him , Kris and I decided it might be best to go out to lunch . We settled on Neato Burrito , which is basically a local Chipotle clone ( if Chipotle was run by even bigger hipsters ) . One nice feature they have over Chipotle is that they offer a special salsa every day in addition to regular mild / green / hot offerings and have multiple wrap flavors , making it possible to have a " burrito of the day . " Yesterday the burrito was a Pad Thai inspired creation . I decided to try it even though I could have eaten vegetarian there very easily because it sounded fairly unique - chicken , black beans , brown rice … and banana - cashew salsa on whole wheat . I was intrigued . The only thing I didn 't really like was that in true burrito fashion , all of the cashew nut sauce ended up on one end and all of the banana bits at the other . The salsa really was great , though , and I am sad that I can 't seem to find a recipe for something similar online - I guess I 'll just have to keep looking ! Sorry for the lack of a picture - being a burrito , it was not very good looking . Then , for dinner , I attempted to make curry for the first time using this recipe . I chose this recipe because I had a bunch of lentils and chili powder left over from the lentil - quinoa chili , and I thought it turned out great and it was really simple to make . Note : I would agree with the comments on the recipe that you need to add extra curry powder and garlic . I more than doubled what it called for and it was quite spicy ( which I enjoyed ) . I served it over brown rice with whole wheat naan and it was delicious and low calorie , coming in at 540 calories for one serving of curry , rice , and half a piece of naan . Side note : the naan selection at my grocery store is dreadful and expensive . Again , I didn 't take a picture because it looked disgusting , so you 'll just have to take my word for it . I rounded out the day by making some chocolate chip oatmeal cookies . Nothing fancy , just the recipe on the back of the chocolate chip bag , but they really hit the spot ! Yesterday when I was at the store , I went to grab a couple of Larabar Alt bars . I really like having filling protein bars around now that I have such weird work schedules - they are perfect if I have to go in for a shift that has a meal time right in the middle so that I can feel full the whole time without eating 2 dinners . Clif bars used to be my go to favorite , but Larabar Alt has just as much protein with fewer calories and I would argue tastes about as good . I still buy Clif bars sometimes because there are more flavors available , though . Anyway , when I went to grab the Larabars , I noticed something new - Luna " protein " bars . I have never tried Luna bars before because I see no point in them - they are Clif bars " for women . " To be fair , they have extra vitamins in them or something like that , but I feared they would be lacking elsewhere in order to make them lower calorie because that is obviously all women desire in their food . These bars apparently have like 14g of protein in 190ish calories , though - whoa ! In comparison , Clif and Larabar Alt have about 9 - 11g . I decided to do an experiment where I compare Larabar Alt ; regular Luna ( which I 've never tried , but it 's protein content is equal ) ; and Luna Protein bars to each other by eating them before long shifts and seeing how hungry I get . Today , I tried the plain Luna bar . I must say it did it 's job - I ate it at 9 : 45ish for a 10 am - 2 pm shift , where I wound up staying until 4 . I started feeling hungry around 2 ( meaning it worked as long as intended ) and when I ate a couple breadsticks for " lunch " I ended up feeling too full . My only " complaint " - it was definitely more " girly , " though I found the " girly " traits to be a plus ( maybe because I 'm female ? ) . Though the white chocolate macadamia nut flavor of Clif is very sweet ( I don 't know what I was thinking when I chose this flavor , I really don 't like it ) , this was somehow sweeter , even though it has 10g ( ! ! ) less sugar . This could be a plus if you like very sweet things . I also found it more aesthetically pleasing - Clif bars and Larabars look like mush , or occasionally mush with chocolate drizzle . This looked like a cereal bar with a nice chocolate coating on the bottom and drizzle on top . The texture was far better as well . I imagine they made all these changes to make them more appealing to women , which makes me wonder why they make the men 's bars have such bad texture and mush - like appearance . I always assumed it was because they couldn 't improve them without hurting macros , but apparently not - the women 's even have more vitamins ! I 'll probably try one of the Luna protein bars before my 5 hour shift starting at 5pm tomorrow to see if it is even more effective with all of it 's extra protein - and to see if they have to revert to manly mush ! I then ended the day with something you think I 'd be sick of - pizza ! You think I 'd be sick of pizza from my job , but trust me , that is impossible ( plus I never really eat pizza at work or I 'd gain all 110 lbs back ) . Kris and I went with an old favorite tonight - white pizza with spinach and tomatoes ! Fun story : he actually made fun of me for taking this photo , so I tried to justify it by telling him white pizza with veggies looks healthier than it is , so I had to take a picture so that I would look really healthy on the blog . I haven 't run in well over a week because of snow and ice . I 'm supposed to run the Runs for Cookies virtual 5K tomorrow , but it is supposed to snow another 2 inches . Even if the weather was half decent tomorrow , I 'm not sure I could run it - the entire park is still covered in snow . If it was just ice , I could wear my ice spikes ( which I now have ) , but with the added inches of snow I 'm not really sure what to do . I 've considered walking it with Belle , but I 'm afraid it will be too cold and too hard on her little paws . I might just have to sit it out and pretend it doesn 't count because it 's a virtual race . I feel very disappointed and frustrated and I 'm becoming more genuinely worried that I will lose a lot of my running fitness and have to essentially start from scratch this spring . I am now remembering why I started going to the gym on campus last year around this time ! Unfortunately , unless I get a full - time job ( I 've had a couple interviews , so I 'm keeping my fingers crossed ) I can 't really afford a gym membership here ( the gym on campus was free ) . On top of all this , Kris has a cold . So we are just sitting around being totally lazy while he recuperates and I worry about him because that is what I do . I have been trying to keep up with workouts at home but with everything going on I 'm afraid I 'm having far too many days like yesterday , where I did well with my " rest day " until dinner where Kris and I shared a large stromboli and I ate 3 brownies while watching Battlestar Galactica . Oops . I purchased one new thing to try this week : fancy pierogies . I briefly mentioned the pierogies ( side note : WordPress wants to correct that word to " groupies " ) in last night 's post , and I will note that while I have eaten many pierogies in my life , I have not purchased them in a long , long time and I had no idea how many varieties there are now , which is why they are something " new . " When I was growing up I did not know they made pierogies beyond the " cheddar and potato " variety , and after learning about other terrifying options like " potato and onion " I mostly ignored pierogie offerings . That was until the other day when I went shopping for them and couldn 't even find plain old cheddar and potato . Instead , I " had " to buy broccoli cheddar , spinach and feta , and five cheese ( all with whole grain noodles ) . I was pleased to find these slightly fancier and healthier sounding options and plan to eat them for quick meals sauteed with some peppers ! Fun fact : Mrs . T 's pierogies and Yuengling beer are made in the same county in PA ( Schuylkill ) , further proving that PA produces all of the best things . I liked the lentil quinoa chili , but it was not my all - time favorite vegetarian chili recipe . The only changes I made to the original recipe were that I used frozen bell pepper strips instead of buying and cutting up a pepper and I ran out of cumin so I just put in taco seasoning . I also made it in a crock pot instead of standing around cooking it for an hour . I think it just wasn 't spicy enough for me ( most things aren 't ) . I still like it , though , and would recommend it to those who are more into flavor than heat . I will note that the guacamole recipe I linked is a very generic one , and I followed it mostly because I have never made guac before and needed to know avocado : tomato ratios . I am fairly certain that I had never heard of guac until I was about 16 years old so obviously my parents do not make or buy it ( though they love it at Mexican restaurants ! ) and I therefore had no idea how to make it . I also spent the last 3 years living with someone who makes incredible guac so there was no reason for me to even attempt it . The first thing I saw when I entered the grocery store was avocados and tomatoes on sale , though , so I was inspired . I think it went ok - I 've certainly eaten worse . To my friend the amazing guacamole maker : you will be pleased to know that Kris has deemed it " good , but nowhere near as good " as yours . I blame the fact that I forgot fresh cilantro and had to use dried . Food Friday Today started out as a rather frustrating day . When I woke up , it was snowing quite heavily and Kris did not have a delay at work ( they often give the government employees a delay due to the poor road care and large number of commuters ) so I had to drive him in the snow . I was glad that at least we did not have freezing rain , as predicted , but my optimism may have been my downfall : thinking that there was no ice , I fell TWO times on the way to the car on ice that remained from previous days ! Needless to say I did not venture out for a run considering that I could hardly walk 50 feet without injury . I also refrained from walking Belle in that mess , and she was not too pleased with me . I feel so bad for her in the winter - even though she is reaching middle age ( she is 5 or 6 ) she still needs to let out A LOT of energy . She was awake around 4 this morning even after being walked over a mile yesterday ! " Luckily " she did get a long walk later in the day . I say " luckily " because she would have still had a short one had it not been for a fire downtown . It was on the block where we used to live and we wanted to make sure our old house had not burned down ( it was not our old house ) . Thankfully no one sustained life threatening injuries ( only one young man and his baby were home , and while injured , they will be fine ) . It was crazy how much of the city was basically shut down for this thing - 3 connected townhouses were on fire so they had like 7 fire trucks and had a 3 lane road closed for like 2 or 3 blocks with several other random road closures . You should have seen the surburbanites trying to flee from this during rush hour ! We live less than 3 miles from Kris 's office and we called on the way home for a carryout pizza - it took us more than the 20 minutes they quoted us to get there because of the traffic ! I probably could have RUN the distance we traveled faster . I am also dealing with frustrations with work and school . I have found a part - time job for now . This originally was good because there had been a plan to let me work part - time as a remote research assistant and take courses remotely from the university so that I could still finish up this semester , but that might fall through because I haven 't been able to find someone who is willing or able to work with me on a remote course . I was also trying to apply to a program where I could take courses at another university but registration - wise it would be set up as though I was taking those courses at my university , but no one involved with that program has any answers to my questions and they won 't tell me whether I am admitted or not . The semester is starting Monday and I am not thrilled that I still do not know whether I will be able to take courses or not . I am also really nervous about applying to full - time jobs in the case that I have no courses for the semester . Entry level jobs see me as overqualified ( I have a Master 's and several years of professional work experience ) , but for the jobs that require experience , the experience that I have doesn 't match up . Then , when I tried to apply for a government position like my husband 's , they randomly decided that I wasn 't qualified because I had not sent them my transcripts ( note : they never asked for my transcripts ) . I sent in the transcripts and called to see how long it would take to get everything resolved , and they told me 4 - 6 weeks ! What ? ! When I first got my Kitchenaid , I was very excited about the dough hook - this meant I could make all sorts of exciting dough things without kneading them , like homemade bread . The problem : I have not made legit bread since I was like , 12 , and that was in a bread machine . I tried to start with a simple recipe , I promise . Thinking that I had whole wheat flour , I went with this honey wheat bread recipe . It turned out that I only had all - purpose flour , though , so I just used that . I think the bigger problem came from the yeast , though . I did not remember that you had to wait for it to foam up to mean it was activated , and plus my house was freezing ( this was during the polar vortex ) which probably didn 't help matters . Let 's just say the bread didn 't rise . I did bake it just to see what it would taste like , and ended up with a tasty but very dense and very tiny loaf of bread . Kris and I each ate a couple of bites and threw it away . I also decided that I would try to be productive by checking some vegetarian cookbooks out of the library to learn some new recipes . I live within walking distance of a branch , but for some reason had put off ever trying to go to one for 4 years . The first one that I got is making me feel quite conflicted , though . It has some good tips for someone who is new to incorporating vegetarian meals into their cooking - for example , good information on using beans and unique grains more frequently , but it is full of incredibly biased nutrition information . It is one of those books that tries to convince you that EVERYONE has a gluten and lactose intolerance and they are just not " natural " for us to eat . Note : I have plenty of friends and family members with food allergies and intolerance and I try to be respectful of those , but there is a difference between being legitimately bothered by gluten and people just assuming that it is " healthier " for everyone for some reason . I am also particularly displeased with how the book gets this point across . It has very biased information in it - for example , it uses the scare tactic of saying there is research showing that eating cheese is like doing heroin , but they give almost no context to this research ( they imply cheese is made of heroin ) , but then go on to provide a " balanced " view of soy products in order to convince people whose doctors have told them not to eat soy that they should do it anyway ( really overemphasizing pro - soy studies ) . Again , I am personally fine with eating soy products ; I am not fine with a random cookbook dispensing medical advice . They sometimes even resort to childish retorts , such as saying " milk = yuck and snot ! " I honestly prefer almond milk , but they almost made me want to go drink a big glass of the real stuff . At least the recipes look good ! Don 't worry - this point won 't be nothing but a discussion of this week 's failures - I had success as well ! I am trying hard to make about 90 % vegetarian meals at home , but Kris missed the simplicity of burgers + fries for dinner and wanted to buy some veggie burgers . I refrain from buying them usually because I am super cheap when it comes to groceries and could never justify them for myself , but when he went to the store with me , he agreed that they are way too expensive . I told him as a compromise I would look up some veggie burger recipes and put a few patties in the freezer for him to heat up . I decided that instead of a recipe I would work with this framework using ingredients that we had on hand ( I had to buy some things that we were out of , but the only item I bought out of the ordinary was an onion ) . I made mine with the following ingredients : I am happy to report that they turned out tasting great and they were quite easy to make ! I don 't know if they are ACTUALLY cheaper than pre - made ones since I have no real way of calculating their cost but I liked that they could be made in about 10 - 15 minutes with stuff we normally buy . I did take some ( low - quality ) pictures of the process : The final product - 8 patties to freeze ! I made them more normal burger sized ( the original link suggests slider sized ) . They were more grey in person , so they actually looked less appetizing than they were here . They tasted great , though ! I also had to redeem myself from the bread incident so I tried to make it up by following a very easy banana bread recipe . I had frozen a few ripe bananas like 3 weeks ago and never used them for anything , so this was the perfect way to use them up . I though the bread was good , but next time I would use nuts . I really prefer zucchini bread so I am used to breads like this having more texture . My only complaint : this and the other bread recipe taught me that I REALLY need to get a splash guard thing for my Kitchenaid if I want to avoid having flour thrown all over the place . Oops . Birthday Weekend Adventures Kris turned 28 yesterday ! For his birthday , he got freezing cold weather ! Well , he actually got a board game ( from me ) and money for Warhammer ( from everyone else ) but I will blame him for the freezing cold weather , anyway . Look , I know it is winter but it is particularly bad out there . On Thursday night , we had a " bad " snowstorm - just 3 inches , but when your city has approximately zero snow plows that is a problem . Friday morning everything was still covered in snow ( due to the lack of plows ) so state employees like my husband got a 2 hour delay for work . I 'm serious about the no plow thing , by the way . NONE of the streets have been plowed yet . Not even the Penn Dot building was cleared of snow ! So how cold was it ? It was also so cold that Belle would barely go outside . She is a wimp in the winter but yesterday she could hardly stand 30 seconds in the backyard without needing to come inside and warm up in a blanket ( we were finally able to take a real walk today ) . Furthermore , while I was walking downtown ( had to go deal with the lovely bureaucrats at SSA because I couldn 't find my card ) I saw a man in a full - on snowsuit , a big furry hat , waterproof boots and ice spike things walking around and felt like that much gear was probably appropriate . The worst part was that Kris 's car was in the garage ( it was misfiring , but everyone is clueless as to what is wrong with it ) and we had to walk there to get his car in the cold ! Or maybe the worst part is that I can 't run because not only is it snowy but the air is also like 5 degrees . It has warmed up a little but this morning it was still so cold that I couldn 't get the ice out of the wheel wells of my car and it was crunching around in there for quite awhile until it warmed up enough for me to kick it out of there . Yuck ! Despite the unplowed roads , cold weather , the lost social security card , and the mysterious car problems , I think Kris is managing to have a half - decent birthday weekend . I was able to test out my new Kitchenaid making him a cake . For dinner I made a veggie lasagna , then we spent the evening drinking wine and watching Battlestar Galactica . A few notes on the lasagna recipe : I substituted more carrots for the onions ; used fresh instead of frozen spinach ( so I cooked it with the other veg ) ; and I ran out of eggs so our ricotta was all alone . It still tasted fine . I am happy to report that the Kitchenaid works beautifully . I am excited to use it for many more things in the future ! You may notice that there are no FINISHED pictures of the cake , by the way . This is because , as usual , I messed up the cake . No , seriously , I mess it up almost every year . The first year that Kris and I were together my mom and I dropped the whole damn thing on the floor ; the first year Kris and I lived in Harrisburg , I burnt it to a crisp - to be fair , it was our first week in the place and I hadn 't used the oven yet ( we moved here the day after Christmas in 2009 ) . This year I was icing the cake and JUST when I was doing some finishing touches the icing pulled up in one spot and got red crumbs all over the place . Then , I put the lid on the pan , thinking it was high enough , but it wasn 't , so all the icing stuck to the lid . Oops . It doesn 't even taste that great - the edges were kind of dry . My lack of cake skills is baffling , considering I 'm typically a pretty good baker - I can make difficult things like pie crust and sugar cookies with ease , for goodness sake ! Ironically , my mother , who is not usually as good at baking as I am ( she just doesn 't cook or bake very much - my dad cooked and I baked ) is wonderful and making and decorating cakes . Oh well . Today I am just hanging out here , doing some home workouts , messing around on the internet , and pretending that I am going to finally finish cleaning up the Christmas decorations ( at least most are in a bin now ) because Kris went to a Warhammer tournament and Belle and I had the place to ourselves all day . Tomorrow might be more exciting - after FOUR years of living in Harrisburg , I think we are finally going to get to go to a day of the farm show ( it 's an indoor state fair ) ! I read there would be a bunny hopping contest tomorrow and now I MUST go . Hopefully I will have a happy report on this occasion tomorrow .
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Another thing I had to do was add some wood to the side of the dishwasher opening . Because it abuts a wall , the opening was a little bit wider than the usual 24 ″ . The side needed to be built up so that I could attach the brackets on the side of the dishwasher to something . One thing I should share with everyone is the cable we used to plug in the dishwasher . Traditionally dishwashers are hardwired . But it is becoming more commonplace to require the dishwasher be connected via plug and cord . Our electrical inspector required it . It may also be because the dishwasher shares it 's circuit with the refrigerator . Anyway I had to do a little searching around for the proper cable . It needs to be 14 gauge and have loose leads at one end . A lot of small appliance cables are actually 16 gauge . I found one at Home Depot . Sunday I began by leveling the dishwasher out . The back needed to go down a lot . Luckily my little magnetic level stuck to the door , despite it being stainless steel . Must be a low grade . It took a few glances at the instructions to tell that you were supposed to place the level against the door . That picture was a little funny . After it was level and plumb I installed the screws to lock it in place . Then Irene and I headed out for some breakfast and to get a different kind of plumbing trap . The first one I got had a little drain plug , but other wise glued together . It ended up a little too low in the cabinet to be useful . So I exchanged it for one with a union . This is what the plumbing looked like all hooked up . Posted on December 1 , 2010 by Paul Friday , Irene worked in the morning again and I got started on the plumbing . I was dreading doing the hot and cold water pipes based on my last experience sweating ( soldering ) the isolation valves in . It didn 't turn out to be too bad and took me only a day to do . I started by drilling small 1 / 8 ″ holes through the cabinet and floor where I wanted the hot and cold water pipes to come up . The small hole was to make sure I wasn 't too close to the floor joist I knew was close by , or worse yet trying to drill through it . The position of the holes was good so I drilled all the way through with a 1 ″ speedbore bit . The holes ended up such that I just had to make up some spacers so I could attach the pipes to the side of the joist that was between the two . I initially thought I would have to run a board across two joists and attach the drop elbow to the top of that board . The second way ended up being easier , but I had to change my plans a bit . After that I sweated the valves that would shut off the hot water to the faucet and dishwasher , and a union . For the cold side I used a screw on valve but still had to sweat on an adapter . The screw on valve and union was so I can take everything apart if i need to in the future . All this sweating was done on my work bench , which made it easier and these pieces sweated easier than the ball valves . I should have taken pictures of this stuff along the way but I was too focused on getting it done . Once all that stuff was mounted up it was time to connect it to the pipes coming from the infamous ball valves . There was just enough misalignment between the two sets of pipes to make this not straightforward . This meant a trip to the home improvement store looking for solutions . I had to return some stuff anyway . Go all copper and sweat everything . I was not looking forward to doing soldering in the crawl space . I 'd have to make three or more sweat joints on each pipe . I recently found out that my local Lowes supposedly carries PEX . Indeed they did ! Somehow I missed it in previous trips , and I looked ! Anyways , I decided to go this route since it would keep my from having to use fire in the crawlspace and would accommodate the misalignment in the two sets of pipes easily . The only downside is that I would have to invest in an expensive crimping tool . I solved that by using push - on fittings , since one elbow I used earlier was holding up so far . Besides , I could always switch out the fittings later . This option was also pretty cost effective , the cheapness of the PEX offsets the cost of the push - on fittings . I finished up in the early evening . Unfortunately Irene wasn 't feeling good and was sleeping . I had to wait until Saturday morning so she could watch for leaks when I turned the water on . Amazingly there were none ! There was a hitch though . The faucet sprayer hose could get caught on the hot water shutoff valve . After contemplating moving the whole pipe coming up from the crawlspace I decided to try place something between the valve and the hose . I found scrap of sheet metal I cut out from the range vent cover in the basement . I cut out a small piece of it and attached it to the wall . It worked great to keep the hose from snagging . Next I headed to back Lowes with the Ikea sink strainer in hand to buy the parts for the drain piping . It took a little bit to find what I needed . None of the double sink drain kits seemed like they would work . For one the connection wasn 't the correct type . Two , they were a half inch too short . Three , I don 't like the thin plastic they are made of anyways and I don 't like the chrome ones : the chrome doesn 't hold up and is a waste being hidden inside a cabinet . I have to say that that section of the store was a mess . Lots of empty bins , bins with the wrong parts in them , plastic bags ripped open where people had stolen parts out of kits . I finally found the correct tailpieces and other parts I needed to make things work and headed home . Since the usual slip joint piping used under a sink is thin , flimsy , and prone to leak I decided to make mine out of solvent welded ( fancy for glued together ) PVC pipe . I got home and started measuring , fitting , and gluing . This is where I stopped Saturday evening because we had some friends coming over for our monthly dinner club ! This month was ours to host and as long as we had a working stove we were going back to hosting . Irene spent most of the day moving everything back into the kitchen and cleaning up the dining room ( former makeshift kitchen ) so it was fit for company . We decided to make Alton Brown 's Tenderloin Roast . We 've made it a few times now and it 's a real favorite of ours . This meant I would be the one to cook and we would give a good test to the range hood since it involves searing the meat on a hot cast iron pan . The range hood worked great . No smoke detectors going off , which is not what happened the first two times we made this dish . We got to celebrate with some champagne … Posted on November 30 , 2010 by Paul What a week 11 it has been . We moved our oven in on the night the counter tops were installed . That wasn 't as straight forward as we would have liked . The opening was tight , despite giving myself an extra 1 / 8 ″ . It must have gotten taken up by the counters . Then the range didn 't slide far enough back . The electrical cord was in the way . We tried just pushing the cord down and sliding it back but it didn 't work . The problem was that the cord came out and went up , the plug is a 90 ° kind . I looked online to see if we could get a straight type but they only make 90 ° versions . Then I searched for ways I might be able to turn the socket sideways . It turns out you can take apart the socket and put it back together sideways ! So that took another half hour . Even after rotating the outlet the cord still wasn 't cooperating . It took a lot of wrangling but eventually we slid it all the way in ! While dealing with the electrical cord issue we also noticed the range top was lower than the counter surface by about 3 / 4 ″ . So we had to jack all the feet up . After what taking 10 times longer than I thought it would it was in and looking good . Thursday , Thanksgiving day , Irene worked in the morning and then we had dinner with my family . We moved in the refrigerator that night ! I just had to run the water line icemaker . It all went smoothly and no leaks ! Posted on November 23 , 2010 by Irene Today is the big day and really completes the kitchen even without appliances in place . DuPont Zodiaq ' Meteor Grey ' - it 's an engineered quartz made with 25 % post - consumer recycled content . It is also is certified by organizations such as GreenGuard , NAHB , US Council for Green Building , SBIC , learn more here As a side note , a lot of people install the sink before the counter and hook up the plumbing . He said in the last year , we were the first ones who didn 't have it all hooked up . I don 't know how people do it because it 's supported by the countertop . Morning of installation Posted on November 23 , 2010 by Paul I 've talked a lot about our LED under cabinet lights , mostly because the electrical inspector made a big deal bout the wire we used for them . Two Thursdays ago , with all of our cabinets in , I got to finish wiring them up . I purchased two 24 ″ long Waterproof LED Light Bars from Elemental LED , one under each of our wall cabinets . The price was better than LED lights from Lowes and better than halogens from Ikea . Plus they come in a variety of sizes to you can customize . This is what our setup looks like . The red lines represent wires that are run inside the wall . The blue arrows are where I had to solder wires together . Why did I solder them ? The alternative is to use wire nuts to connect wires but then I would have to put that connection inside an enclosure of some sort . The other reason I can get away with soldering the connections is the voltage is 12V DC , just like a car ! The lights themselves have a plug - in connector . Elemental sells solder adapters that have the other side of the connector on them . They also sell units you can plug in to an outlet . The soldering itself went painlessly , except I forgot one piece of heat shrink tube . I put a piece of heat shrink tube on each individual wire ( positive and negative ) and another larger piece to enclose the two wires into a cable . Out of the three connections I forgot this larger , outer heat shrink tubing once . So I just wrapped the wires in electrical tape . * hangs head in shame * Next I hooked up the driver , which is the white box . This device takes your house 's 120V AC power supply and turns it into 12V DC for the LEDs . I located it in the basement , just below the light switch . You could put it inside of a cabinet but we have glass front cabinets and I needed to enclose the 120V connection in a box of some sort . The smallest box I could find is an ugly 2 ″ x3 ″ metal or plastic thing . I did use wire nuts to make the connections here . The thick white wire going into the metal box is the 120V from the switch over the counter top . The small white wire coming out the other side carries 12V DC to the first light bar . With great anticipation I turned the breaker back on and flipped the light switch . At first nothing happened . I had to guess which of the two wires on the solder adapters was positive and I guessed wrong . For anyone else using Elemental LED 's solder adapters the side with the black dashes on it is actually the negative side . The solution was simple , I just had to flip - flop the two 12V wires coming off the driver . Again I flipped the light switch and again nothing happened … then lights flicked on for a split second and quickly turned off . It did this once per second . Not Good ! I triple checked everything and couldn 't find anything wrong so I turned to my old friend Google . Unfortunately Google was not any help in this matter . Any searches for blinking or flashing LED lights turned up a bunch of posts about Audis . LOL After thinking about it for a bit my hunch was that the driver was not powerful enough . Each light bar used 2 . 9W and I bought a 6W driver . Resistance in the wiring could be eating up more than 0 . 2W . I emailed Elemental LED and they confirmed my hunch , it was most likely that the driver was underpowered . I would need to buy the next size up , a 10W driver . They told me they usually bump the power requirements by 10 % . I don 't remember seeing that on the website and I wish they would have caught it when I placed my order . This mistake cost me $ 33 . Posted on November 22 , 2010 by Irene 10 weeks or 70 days we 've been at this . Last Monday we put all of the drawers in and doors on the base cabinets . They needed to be installed for the templaters who were coming on Tuesday . Adjusting drawers and doors is not very much fun but the directions are straight forward . Tuesday the counter top company came to do their thing ( truthfully , I have no idea what company they are because they say their name so fast lol ) . We brought in the sink on Monday night since we were told it must be on site . Paul figured they would know how to handle this sink since they contract with Ikea . When the guy came to template he took a quick look at the sink and said " ok , I know what to do for that " . LOL We had to bring the sink in on a furniture dolly since it weighs 126lbs . Paul started out the weekend on Friday buying lots of things we need to finish up : wood for the window stools and to finish the trim to the left of the dishwasher , router bits for the window stool , an adapter and some clips for the icemaker line , and covers for the radiator pipes . He then shut power off to the whole house so he could hook up the wires for the stove inside out service panel , which included replacing the breaker . Then he started installing the ceiling fan and worked on it until the very moment we had to leave for the evening . We didn 't get a lot accomplished since we had tickets to see Harry Potter in IMAX along and dinner with a friend . The movie was good - it stuck to the first part of the book so it went a bit slow lol . Saturday morning we headed over to Mohawk Tile and took a look around . They carry the inexpensive Lanka tile but it wasn 't as white so we took home another brand to see if we wanted ' brighter white ' . We 'll have a price quote on Monday and we 'll decide if it 's worth the price upgrade . Our next stop was Ikea ( we stopped at Cracker Barrel just before that - yum ) . We went to get the cabinet hardware and return our extra stuff . We ended up leaving with Vinna and not the Varde I originally wanted . Paul didn 't like Varde with the circles and loved it more without them . I thought they looked too chunky so we ' compromised ' . I know what you are thinking , wtf is that word ? So we looked around and decided on Vinna . I think it works because the glass door knobs aren 't the round kind and Vinna has round touches . I also prefer the large handles for our bottom drawers , a nice ergonomic touch . It also has no overhang so it won 't get caught in your clothing . We got home from Ikea and Paul finsihed up the ceiling fan and started on the other light fixtures . Then he cut and installed the toe kicks . While he was doing that I worked on painting the crown molding and window trim . Ikea Fans suggested Benjamin Moore Simply White to match the cabinets so I got a quart of that in Aura Semi - gloss . I think it looks right . We 'll never get the finish right because they use thermofoil technology but eh . Not too much to fuss over for a non - custom kitchen . We put up the glass cabinets and they don 't snap together as quickly or fast as they show on that Fix This Kitchen show . Paul had to snap them into place since the slapping technique they show didn 't work for me . LOL After we finished this , it was dinner time . We headed over to Chick - fil - a and stopped off at Home Depot on the way home . A complaint of the glass knobs I read in a review were how they 'd come loose every few months and need to be re tightened . I asked Paul about this and he suggested we buy lock washers for them . We also got flat washers to protect the cabinet from the lock washers . This should ensure they won 't loosen over time ! It was about $ 2 . 50 . We also picked up all the duct work for our range hood vent which was around $ 45 . We ended up having to head over to Lowe 's after getting home and tried to install the door knobs . I didn 't bring the glass knob hardware with me so I guessed they were # 6 ( they were indeed # 8 ) so we returned the base molding we weren 't going to use while we were there . Now we could finally install the knobs . Door knob installation , tape is to ensure minimum damage to inside door I read online you can get a template to make putting up the cabinet hardware faster but to make sure the templates are big enough so we brought our hardware with us . Ikea sells one and it doesn 't fit all the hardware they sell ( smart huh ? ) . It was a bummer , I thought , the big box stores only accommodate hardware 4 ″ or less . So Paul made his own template instead ( cheap and custom ) . He took some thin leftover plywood from our subfloor , made all of the measurements on it for all the different drawer sizes , put holes in the plywood where each hole would be drilled . The piece wasn 't long enough for the 30 ″ wide drawer and wide handle so he brad nailed two pieces together and applied painters tape so it wouldn 't scratch . Then he brad nailed small pieces of plywood to the top and left side to guide the template . Those two pieces rested on the drawer face . It really made it all so quick and accurate ! It was 10 : 45pm or so and Paul decided we should flip around our pantry door . We didn 't realize until we were done adjusting the darn thing that the door really has an ' up ' . I looked at other Ikea pantry 's and it 's funny to see how many times this happens ( and that people leave it ) . This bothered Paul so he wanted to take the time to flip it around before mounting the door pull . We thought it would go a bit faster but there are these little gray plastic plugs for the holes that you would usually attach the pantry door if it were on hinges . In order to attach the pantry door , you need to put one of the screws for the drawer " clips " in that plug . We tried to get the plug out but it wouldn 't pop out at all so we called it a night . Sunday , Paul started his day at Ikea . He couldn 't get the plugs by themselves in the extra parts department so he had to buy a whole kit . * bummer * We finished the pull out pantry and put the hardware on . Pantry done ! Next up was the range hood ducting ! Paul started the project and put in the elbows . During his install he found the ' caps ' to our baseboards hanging out in the attic space . This is amazing . We knew it was in 2 parts as long as we have enough for the whole room , all we 'd need to buy is 3 / 4 ″ for a base . Range hood part 1 Paul forgot to get " plumbers tape " to hang the ducting last night so back Home Depot we went . We stopped off at Primo Hoagie for lunch and then finished up installing all the ducting for the range hood . I finished painting the pre - primed trim . We still need to add a piece at the top ( suggested to slide in a painted piece of wood the same color as the ceiling . ) We finished up our night after a dinner at Bertucci 's by me filling the pantry and Paul started on the window stool . Paul made it out of some 1 x 10 select pine using his new router . It looks really good . I have to prime and paint and then it 'll be in tomorrow night . We have to get the one above the sink in before the sink and faucet go in otherwise it 'll be really difficult . So that 's how we ended our Sunday . Posted on November 19 , 2010 by Irene Happy Early Thanksgiving to everyone ! It looks like our holiday will be filled with plumbing in our sink and dishwasher ! The lovely lady , Lucile , made my holiday by calling me this morning to setup delivery of our counter top - it 's coming on Tuesday , November 23rd . * big high fives * Paul will be finishing up the range hood venting today ( possibly the lighting , for sure this weekend ) so we can put in the stove and we 'll move the fridge into the pantry area ! I 'll be able to cook ! ! ! My upper cabinet door jewelry came this week so we 'll finish the glass front doors and load up the dinner plates / glasses / bowls / etc too . We 'll make a trip hopefully next week to return some leftover stuff to Ikea and buy the Varde handles so I can load up our pantry . I found some affordable corbels where I bought my hardware knobs . The open corbels are $ 50 or so more each which seems a bit crazy since you get less wood but it is more work . Hmm . I wonder if I could buy the cheaper versions and carve out the back myself - then I thought about what a dust magnet the open ones would be ! Paul had questioned whether or not just have 4 glass knobs will look okay and I 'll have the time to change my mind when I order the corbels . Posted on November 18 , 2010 by Irene We have a majority done but we still have so far to go . I have yet to hear from our counter top company to setup the installation so it is looking more and more like we won 't have it the day before Thanksgiving * sigh * I was hoping Paul could plumb that whole weekend so we could get final inspection from the township and our 3rd party inspector and so we 'd have a dishwasher and sink . DuPont Zodiaq in Meteor Grey Other things include building out the window casing , install and paint the crown molding , open shelving for the sink area , source and install the back splash and baseboards . We need to find some local mill shops to see if they 'll have our baseboards otherwise we 'll be getting a custom router bit . I want 3 / 4 ″ thick baseboards ! I asked some friends about this and they think it would be worth the effort , even if it takes much longer and the kitchen won 't quite be ' finished ' . I also still can 't locate beveled tile locally and if I order online , it 'll be about $ 400 . Decisions , decisions ! Did I mention we 're still committing to our dinner club through all this ? Indeed , we are - the weekend after Thanksgiving ! We love our friends and this is the last one until 2011 . Paul will make his beef tenderloin that I am very much looking forward to . I 'll be getting some Chinet - these people are worth it LOL We use the Alton Brown recipe here If you are afraid to ruin this expensive cut of meat , don 't be anymore . This is a HUGE crowd pleaser . I love having with with baked sweet potatoes and some garlicy green beans or cranberry - apple stuffed acorn squash . Posted on November 17 , 2010 by Irene I feel paint is a very personal choice as far as favorite formulas and brands are concerned . There are a lot of choices these days - no voc , low voc ( Volatile Organic Compounds @ Wikipedia ) , paint and primer in 1 , oil based , latex , bathroom safe , etc ! It can leave you dizzy . I wanted the best covering flat paint , with low or no voc , and quick drying . I looked around all kind of home improvement sites and found some common themes - Benjamin Moore Aura - is it worth the price at $ 55 / gallon ? I think it is . I bought 2 colors to try out this line in our bedroom . One is an Affinity color ( meaning it is an Aura shade ) in Schooner AF - 520 and the other a Historical Color in Marlboro Blue . I started on the accent wall behind our bed and it went on like icing after it had been dirty iced ( cake 's primer ) . It covered so very well , even when I got Schooner on the other wall Marlboro Blue covered it ! If I was careful , I may have been able to do one coat and I used much less than typical calculations call for ( please note , it isn 't a one coat paint - I don 't know if there truly is such a thing and if you even want that for durability / washing the walls and you get a true color doing 2 coats ) . It 's also self leveling , you can 't slap it on really really thick but it isn 't fussy . Load your brush and go . Did I mention you can add another coat after an hour ! ? Yeah , you can do a room by yourself easily in just a few hours . The last & best trait is that it 's mixed by a computer so you really could just buy a gallon and go back for a little more and know the color will be right . I have gone back into our dining room trying to seal up the cracks in the plaster where the original house and addition meet . I repainted some areas and I was happy with how well it blended into what I had previously done . It also washes well for a matte color ! Luckily for me , the local BM store had a sale in the winter so when we needed to buy paint for the rest of the house , we paid a bit less . This came in handy because I must have been crazy choosing Firenze , a burnt orange color , for our living room . It lessened the blow of the money we waisted changing our minds ( still trying to figure out what to do with that color , we gave one gallon to friends for a project but I still have another unopened gallon , perhaps Craigslist would be a good idea ) . I was given a paint roller made for Aura , I think you can skip that accessory . I didn 't find it performed any better or less than a Wooster blue high capacity - neither brand linted or bubbled . I will say the BM Aura washed out much better than the Wooster ones . Truthfully , I hate washing rollers . I feel like I use too much water to get them cleaned out so as not to tint the next color I want to use . If money is an issue ( if you need 2 gallons , that is a little more than $ 100 ) try out the Regal paint , especially if you aren 't using an Affinity color . It doesn 't have all the features of Aura but some of that may not even be important to you . You can see in our last post my paint progression - swatches and I cut in . I painted it a little funny because I forgot at one point we 'll have a backsplash . LOL Posted on November 16 , 2010 by Paul Are cabinets are all in ! As you can see neither Irene or I has been in a blogging mood this past week . We just wanted to concentrate on getting the work done so we can have a working kitchen done . I left off two Sundays ago ( it 's Tuesday night as I write this ) with the wall and high cabinets up . That means it was time to install the base cabinets . There is a debate among those familiar with Ikea 's kitchen cabinets , use the ledger boards or don 't . I think most people fall in the don 't category . There are two main reasons for this . One is it can be harder to level out your cabinets using the ledger boards . If your boards are installed crooked enough you may never get them level . I 'll agree with this point , it is a little tougher to get them level with only two feet to adjust . The second complaint is the boards are fragile and not strong enough . To look at them they don 't look like much . They are just fiberboard . But that is what most ready - made furniture looks like underneath the veiner . I think on this second point most people don 't know how to handle them and end up damaging them when mounting them to the wall . I decided to give it a go using the ledger boards . I was hoping this would save me some grief with not having to reach under the cabinets and adjust the back legs but time spent mounting them is most likely a wash . I basically followed the Ikea directions . One big piece of advise is to mark out the line for the boards as per the directions , starting at the " high point " in the floor . Then find the low point and measure to the line . Add 30 ″ to this number plus the thickness of your countertop . If this number is high you will want to lower the line appropriately . Once the line for the ledger boards is drawn it 's time to think about fasteners . Instead of using normal countersunk wood screws I decided to use lag screws . I was concerned that the countersunk screws are part of why people had trouble with the fiberboard splitting or crumbling , especially if they did not pre - drill the holes . Lag screws have a hex head like the bolt on a car so they are easier to drive in , no stripping phillips slots . Because of this you don 't have to make a countersink in them , just a straight hole for the screw is needed . I also wanted to make sure my screws were strong enough to hold the cabinets & countertops . 1 / 4 ″ is the smallest lag screw I could get , but that is also bigger than any wood screw you can usually get . To minimize stress concentration on the fiberboard more I also used flat washers underneath the heads of the lag screws . I marked where the studs were with a stud finder and had Irene hold the ledger boards in place against the lines on the wall . Then I drilled a hole where each stud was with a small taper drill bit . Exact size does not matter , this is just to mark where the holes go . Just be sure to drill through ledger and into the drywall some . Then I had Irene remove the board and drilled 3 / 16 ″ pilot holes into the drywall and studs . This hole keeps the stud from splitting . I drilled 1 / 4 ″ holes in the ledger for the screws to go through . This keeps the ledge board from splitting . Then all I had to do was line the holes up and drive the screws in . Don 't forget to make marks on your board before drilling the mark holes so you can put it back in the same orientation later . Mark the outside face as outside and put mark for left or right and up or down . You will see the hacked up back panel for the sink base on the right . This piece isn 't in the Ikea instructions when using the Domsjo sink . But I thought it would cover up the extra big hole I made in the drywall for the drain pipe . Also we wouldn 't have to paint that part of the wall . Well , in cutting the hole for the drain and electrical outlet I hacked it up pretty good . We had to ditch it . That did it for Tuesday night . Wednesday I fabricated a support for the countertop above the dishwasher . A support like this is needed anytime a dishwasher is installed at the end of run . Lots of Ikea fans use an oven panel available from Ikea . If the end of the counter run is exposed this is a good choice since the finish will match that of the rest of the cabinets . Since our run ends against the wall the oven panel is a waist of money , only a slim sliver of it would be visible . I made the support out of dimensional lumber . Initially I budgeted the room to use a 2 × 3 but reading similar accounts it seems that is overkill and a 1 × 3 would be good enough . Just to be sure I found the density of quartz online and calculated the weight of the piece above the dishwasher . It will only be about 45 pounds . 1 × 3 will have no problem with that . You can see the two pieces of wood in the left of the picture below . They are screwed to studs with # 10 screws , 2 per stud . While I was doing that Irene painted the walls .
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I skipped tender kittenhood , instead springing into the world fully formed and utterly evil . My early years are hidden in mystery , but it is known that my wicked nature so affronted my first family that they threw me onto the street . Luckily , chance led me to the household of the pushover children 's author Marianne Levy , where all bow before my Terrible Claws . A few events of particular note - I once swallowed a needle and held it in my throat , undetected , for a full five days . Ah , the vet 's face when , on my third visit , I coughed it triumphantly on to the table ! And let us not forget the occasion when , in events that have never been fully explained , I gave a veterinary nurse a sprained leg . Then there was the time my head enlarged overnight , before bursting the following morning in a glorious shower of hot pus . Happy days ! What constitutes a perfect evening for you ? I am a cat of great heft and possess a correspondingly vigorous appetite . My ideal evening would involve a meal every twenty minutes or so , and perhaps a game of ' claw the most expensive piece of furniture in the room ' or a few rounds of ' bite Marianne until I taste blood ' . Defining moment of your life ? Marianne was delighted to get a call saying Egmont wanted to publish her children 's series , the ' Ellie May ' books . So , naturally , I chose to ruin the moment with a dramatic collapse from an indigestible hairball . If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be ? I loathe other felines , so can only envisage making the world a better place for myself . An armoured tank might be nice , with specially adapted controls . And nuclear missiles . If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why ? Donald Trump . We 're both dreadful , and we 're both thinning around the ears . Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with ? I would take great pleasure in reducing The Bear to a sad - eyed pulp . Marianne Levy 's new children 's book ' Ellie May Is Totally Happy To Share Her Place In The Spotlight ' is out on 1st April - order it here , or in any independent bookshop . Her website is www . mariannelevy . com . Theme Tune ? ' Love Cats ' by The Cure , which Mum sings to me frequently . Sometimes she also sings ' My , my , Myyyyy , my Milo ' at me to the tune of ' Delilah ' . It 's horrendous . I have a special ' concerned look ' that I use if I hear babies or animals sounding distressed on the TV . I use the same look when mum sings , which probably tells you all you need to know about her singing Owners ? I live with my Mum , and her grown - up daughter . Mum says she is quite boring and doesn 't like talking about herself much . My other human is a writer . . . . or trying to be . She 's very clever . Brief biography ? I was handed in to an animal refuge in Cyprus as a tiny kitten , and I lived there with lots of my animal friends until last November , when I was two & a half . Then me and some of my friends flew in a big metal bird , from Larnaca to Heathrow , and went to stay in Nottingham with some nice foster - people while we were found ' forever homes ' . It was a long journey , and I didn 't really understand what was happening at the time . Mum saw a photo of me on Facebook and says she fell in love at first sight . Three weeks later , after a lot of form filling , emailing , and other boring stuff that I didn 't really understand , I was bought all the way down the M1 from Nottingham to Essex to my new home . I loved it immediately , and within 45 mins I 'd explored and was cuddling my new Mum , and purring lots . Catchphrase ? ' What are you doing ? ? Can I watch ? ' Favourite Habits ? Stealing people 's seat when they get up to make tea / use the loo , then looking all innocent when they come back , like I 'd been there all along , playing ball up and down the stairs at 5 . 30am , then hiding the same balls under the bedroom furniture , so Mum has to get on the floor & hook them out with a coathanger . ( While she does this I sit on her head and purr . ) Shouting at that snow stuff through the windows , and drinking out of people 's mugs or glasses while they 're not looking . Also , I like to watch things . Anything really , I 'm not fussy , just very curious . I like watching mum wash up ( the bubbles fascinate me , but I 'm scared of them too ) and I like watching her make things , on the sewing machine . She says I get too close to the scissors when she 's cutting the fabric , and that I 'll look pretty silly with only half a set of whiskers , but I know what I 'm doing . I like jumping up on high things , wardrobes , doors , bookcases . . . . I like to get a different perspective on things sometimes , and explore new things . ( I found a ridiculous chair the other day , has a big hole in the seat ! ) I also love wildlife documentaries , especially ones with birds in them . They look pretty big on the TV but I 'm confident I could catch them if only the stupid glass wasn 't in the way . Oh , and licking people 's noses when I have terrible cat - food breath . They pretend to protest , but I know they love it really . What constitutes a perfect evening for you ? Snuggling with one of my humans on the sofa . I love to be snuggled up tight , with my nose buried in tiny corners , in armpits , behind cushions etc . Mum says I must have some sort of invisible snorkel to be able to breathe , but I 'm just comfy like that . Then after my snuggles , a nice bit of tuna before bed , a quick game of ' stair football ' while Mum 's taking her daytime fur off and getting her night - time fur on , then I snuggle on the bed with her all night . when it 's really cold , and that infernal white stuff falls down , I sneak under the duvet and sleep . Mum woke up to find me laying next to her with my front paws round her neck the other morning . It was a cuddle , honestly ; I wasn 't trying to strangle her . Favourite food ? Tuna , with occasional morsels of Kentucky Fried Chicken if anyone has any they don 't want . Gotta love those herbs and spices . I like tomato ketchup too , Which Mum found surprising . Anyone would think she 'd never seen a cat eat ketchup before . Defining moment of your life ? Arriving at my forever home , definitely . The whole emigrating process was a bit bewildering , but I knew it had to be for a reason . . . . and arriving here was it . I totally love my new home , and my new people , and I try to show them as often as possible , even if they are trying to type emails , knit , cook , sleep . . . doesn 't matter , I have to let them know ! ! They love me too , I can tell . It 's so wonderful to feel so loved , and have a proper home . I know not all cats are as lucky as I 've been , which makes me a bit sad . . . . but grateful at the same time . Any enemies ? The big grey Wooooh monster . I think it 's called a hoover . I 'm getting used to it , but I 'm not sure we 'll ever be best friends . Cars are a bit scary too , I didn 't see many in Cyprus because I lived in the country , but there are lots here . I watch them through the windows , but they 're a bit big and noisy for my liking If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be ? I 'd make sure that everyone got their cats neutered , so there weren 't so many unwanted kittens , and tell everyone to adopt all the homeless animals from shelters etc . They all deserve a good home like I found . I also think tuna for breakfast should be made law , although the ketchup could be optional . Also , somebody needs to make computers easier for cats to use . We 're all over Twitter , and the internet generally , and we have to get the humans to do our typing for us . I tried to send my own tweet a few weeks ago , but only succeeded in sending one of the laptop keys flying across the room . It 's a real problem , and somebody should fix it soon ! If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why ? I 'm not sure I 'd be very good with celebrities . I can 't imagine they 'd be into the whole nose - licking thing , and I wouldn 't want to cause offence . Besides , I rather like being the centre of attention myself , I wouldn 't want anyone stealing my thunder . Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with ? I love The Bear , he has so many things he 's sad about , and I 'm quite cheerful , so I 'd like to try and reassure him that things aren 't so bad after all . But then again , Ralph is totally awesome too , and I 'd love to compare notes with him on always managing to look so pleased with oneself . ( Mum says I do that too . ) Maybe we could all get stuck in a very big lift and have a party ? I was born in humble circumstances , to a single , homeless mother ( quite possibly in a stable , who knows ) . No one knows who my father was , but presumably he was a handsome devil . My sister Sugar and I were adopted by a human who spoiled us rotten , just as she should , and life was entirely pleasant for the first year . But perfection can 't last forever , and a year later the Demon Puppy shattered the peace . The little sister I never wanted . Six months after that , unimaginable tragedy struck when my real sister was killed in a traffic accident . I mourned her for months . So did my humans , until their eyes were caught by a new pair of kittens , Jack and Daisy . The little whippersnappers were , I admit , a distraction from my grief ( and the little sods kept nicking my food ) . After a year or so I even deigned to acknowledge their existence . A little while later those softhearted human dunces took in another cat , a wily little streetfighter who looked like butter wouldn 't melt , and gave her the frankly ridiculous name of Jemima . Look , it 's not that I don 't think girls should learn how to fight , but the wilful fool will keep attacking humans who are perfectly nice to her . I keep trying to teach by patient , wise , peaceful example - never strike your human in fear or anger ! - - but the little chit won 't listen . Life is , otherwise , peaceful and well - ordered : my humans are well - trained and the food is usually decent . I can come and go as I like , visiting my flock . . . except that there 's been something wrong with the cat flap lately , because whenever I exit it , I find myself very cold and have to come back in . I want it to be fixed , please , so I can bask in the sunshine and be admired by all passers - by . It 's only fair , after all . Since I am the King of Kings , and a god come to Earth , I pretty much do whatever I want , whenever I want . This mostly involves sleeping , because it 's hard work being this gorgeous . I like to perfect my cute posing skills : my favourites are ' Here 's My Belly ' and ' Look ! It 's SuperSpike ! ' . I also quite like hiding in wait for the birds on the front lawn , although how they always spot me I 've no idea . I like helping my human with her writing : I know she appreciates it when I sit under her chair so she can 't move it enough to stand up . It forces her to write more , you see , thereby earning more money to spend on delicious treats for me . I 'm considerate like that . I enjoy disrupting humans ' reading time by sitting on their newspapers , and I love helping with Christmas wrapping . It 's not emasculating to appreciate glitter . A stroll outside if the weather is pleasant . I don 't like the cold and wet , it makes a mess of my perfect fur , and the less said about snow the better ( what 's the point of being so physically perfect if no one can damn well see you ? ) . Then I come in and take a seat at the kitchen table to await my evening refreshment . This varies in quality from lovely roast chicken , to fish in a nice sauce , to something frankly disgusting with vegetables . The humans are quite obliging about transferring the food from their own plates to mine , although sometimes I wonder why they bother . Yes . That bloody Demon Puppy . The little insect is only a year younger than me , but does she comport herself with any dignity ? Maturity ? No , she behaves like the imbecilic infant she once was , and therefore I shall continue to refer to her as a puppy . Noisy , smelly , and if I ever want to enjoy a game of Chase The Human 's Feet With My Claws , she intervenes . I won 't tell you what she did with the catnip mouse . Disgraceful , I call it . Every house should have a cat flap or seven . I like to go and visit my people , you see , because not all of them are lucky enough to have a cat , and I am so magnificent it would be churlish of me to deprive them of my presence . But sometimes I get stuck , like that time I spent two days in a garage . I 'm not sure there 's anyone more exciting than myself . The Queen , perhaps , to try and disabuse her of the idea that those silly little dogs of hers are the best pets . The very notion . Listen , I 'm not hugely fond of other cats . They take the attention away from me . I suppose the one who 's always sad looks relatively peaceful , however . T : Gertie , I think it 's meant to be humorous . My social networking ' handle ' is CB ( for Cat 's Brother ) . Alas one cannot choose one 's relatives . I refuse to answer to ' Oi ' . P : The Invisible Woman , who writes in the Guardian about fashion and stuff for older women . She 's supposed to be writing a book and thinking about another one but she spends a lot of time looking out of the window and drinking coffee . I suppose she 's thinking … T : I find the ' invisible ' thing confusing . I mean if she was I wouldn 't be able to sit on her , right ? But I think , therefore I am , so by extension the IW thinks because she writes and is therefore also ' am ' . She definitely has knees . P : We were were born on a farm in Leicestershire then one day , I think we were about 8 weeks old , The Invisible Woman visited . She tried to kidnap Titus but I wasn 't having any of it , not when I heard he 'd be moving to London , so I kicked up and so did he . In the end she had to take us both . We live on the edge of Blackheath , which we both like enormously because of squirrels . It 's only 10 minutes from London Bridge and there 's so much to see and do ! P : ' Psst ! Cat here . ' It 's the way I let Twitter know it 's me and not The Invisible Woman so all my followers can get ready to be dazzled by my towering intellect . P : Sitting under houseplants waiting for leaves to drop off so I can play with them . Collecting the red rubber bands the postman leaves for me , and playing with them . Sleeping in doorways . Sleeping sideways and on my back in doorways . Sleeping in the washbasin . Sleeping . When I 'm not sleeping I like pretending I 'm an Arabian Leopard and drink water straight from the tap , like it 's a mountain stream , and I 'm in the Arabian mountains chasing furry things and birds and stuff and because I 'm an Arabian Leopard I can … . ( Enough ! - IW ) T : I quite like watching the pigeons . Sometimes I can persuade Pushkin to give my ears a good clean and that 's , like , total blissikins . I enjoy scratching my chin on the corners of things - books , laptop , loo brush , cupboard doors and the fridge . If I can find a pile of freshly laundered bed linen somewhere I 'll climb up for a kip . The IW 's very good at leaving clean things out for me ( I think she knows I like a bit of starch in my pillowcases ) . Oh , and the 7am catnip mouse delivery and wake up call ( full feline aria , sung a capella ) . T : Food , I love food . And biscuits . Catnip 's not that exciting and I can take it or leave it , which is just as well because someone scarfs down more than enough for both of us . I used to enjoy a good horror flick but we don 't watch them anymore , not since we all watched Spielberg 's Poltergeist and it gave me ideas . Just for old times ' sake I might sit and stare at the wall for 10 minutes just to weird everyone out . Ah , happy days … T : Well , obviously I like to eat sensibly but if there 's one thing I go mad for , it 's cheese . If I can nick a bit of cave - aged Gruyere I 'm well happy . Lately I 've developed a taste for Ben & Jerry 's ice cream . I try to include a bit of roughage in my diet and chew the corners off the pelargonium by the front door but I 'm afraid it disagrees with me . It 's a useful emetic though . For the full effect I need to eat some just before bedtime so I can wake at 3am for a good clear out before breakfast . P : I 'm not wild about Reuben - Down - the - Road . I sometimes see the IW wantonly tickling his tummy in the street , in broad daylight ! Reuben is a shameless apricot tart though so I suppose it 's not without provocation . The Dyson . P : My super - power would be thumbs . Then I could open the fridge and feed myself . Sitting and staring at the door doesn 't help . Legalised catnip for all . Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you most like to be stuck in a lift with ? P : Janet . We 're both charismatic with a tremendous zest for life and boundless energy . While we 're waiting to be rescued we could play Wall of Death ( Romper Stomper Rules ) . T : The Bear . It would be a meeting of minds because I too know the emotional pain of allergic fur loss . I have only to cough and a bit more falls off . Nicknames ? Now that I 'm getting older , I often get called Mabel or sometimes even Maybellene . They called the other one The Boy , The Boo , Smokie - Boo or sometimes Smokie - Bollocks ( apparently on account of his lack of them ) . Theme Tune ? Well , mine is quite obviously Maybelline by Chuck Berry . Although Jo ( one of my willing slaves ) likes to change the lyrics to sing , ' Oh Maybelline , you are my black cat ' and other amusing ditties . Smoke tells me that his is I ran so far away by A Flock of Seagulls . Mainly because he spends most of his time running away from things … his shadow , any slight noises , Jo trying to take nice pictures of him … you get the picture . Age ? A sprightly 16 ! The boy is 5 , coming up to 6 . Owners ? I 'm terribly sorry , but I really don 't understand that question ? If you mean whom do I own , then I currently have two quite well trained slaves at my disposal . Jo is a photographer and writer and Phil works for an independent fostering agency , and writes a bit on the side . Brief biography ? Phil got my brother and I from the parents of a friend when he was at university in Bradford . Very sadly , my brother Alaska died aged 6 from kidney failure and once I 'd recovered from the upset , I began to quite enjoy being an only cat . But then Phil decided to keep trying to bring in new cats to keep me company . He didn 't have much luck - Mr Blue sadly died too , and then Newbie ran off after I gave him a stern hiss or twenty . Unfortunately , Smoke seems rather too keen on sticking around ; despite my best efforts to ' accidentally ' push him off the stairs . He came from The Society for Abandoned Animals in Stretford , Manchester . Phil says that he was absolutely desperate for attention , and made himself the obvious choice . No decorum , that cat . Like The Bear , we are both also the cats of a broken marriage , but we 're both very happy with our new slave , Jo because she works from home and is always around to attend to us . She 's been around for a while now and tells me that she and Phil are getting married in the summer . I 'm still deciding what to wear . Catchphrase ? ' To love oneself is the beginning of a life - long romance ' - Oscar Wilde . I 'm fully versed in this , and encourage all those who meet me to feel the same way about … well … me , of course . Smoke 's catchphrase is undoubtedly a traumatised sounding ' meep ' . He 's permanently one paw away from a full on existential crisis . What constitutes a perfect evening for you ? I like to start the evening with a little light supper , although I 'm extremely fussy about my dry food these days and will only deign to eat it if it 's had a light sprinkling of water on top . If this isn 't forthcoming , I just sit in front of the slaves and yell at them continuously until they rectify the situation . I 'm quite proud of how long I can yell for without taking a breath . Then I retire back to bed for a light nap , before coming downstairs for a slightly lighter nap on Jo 's knee . Finally , I take up my position as ' chaperone cat ' , sleeping in - between Jo and Phil to prevent any funny business . And if it 's particularly cold , I like to get under the covers and snuggle up against Jo , meaning that she has to lie rigid for hours in one position . It 's good to keep your slaves under control with simple methods like this . The boy likes to spend his evenings outside , trying ( and thankfully usually failing ) to bring in live mice . On the odd occasion he does succeed though , he provides good exercise for Phil , who likes to run around after the mouse with a plastic bag . Most fun to watch ! If it 's cold , he tends to stay inside , making a lot of noise and jumping all over the sofa . Sometimes it 's hard living with such a simple creature . Favourite food ? Raw chicken and grated cheddar cheese . Smoke likes any meat and will dance on his hind legs to get at it . No dignity , that boy . Defining moment of your life ? Apart from finding my forever home , I think my defining moment was discovering murder as my lifestyle choice . I 'll say no more on the subject , but that boy had better watch his back . Any enemies ? Like one of your other recent guest bloggers , I really can 't stand the hoover . Jo seems to agree with me , but Phil seems to have an obsession with the thing - it comes out at least once a week . Far too often in my opinion ! Smoke has running battles with most of the other local cats , and often gets chased indoors from the back garden . He then immediately jumps on the windowsill by the front garden to ' see off the intruder ' . If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be ? Ask people to always consider adopting a cat from a rescue centre , as there are so many in need of a home . Particularly black cats like myself , as apparently they are the least adopted colour . Which is such a shame , because we are the most affectionate of moggies . If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why ? Blofeld 's cat from James Bond . I think we 'd have some interesting plans to make for world domination . Smoke says that he 'd like to Sigmund Freud as he 's got some issues with his mother that he 'd like to resolve . Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with ? It would have to be The Bear for me , as he is my male twin after all . Smoke says that he 'd just like to meet all of the cats , in the hope that one of them will be nicer to him than I am . Visit Mai and Smoke 's human 's website . Posted by Pfft . My human is called Mrs . Shopkeeper aka Sally . She writes stuff and works in a shop . I have to share her with her husband Mr . Shopkeeper aka Jamshid . As I am attached to a Persian shop , most people expect me to be ( a ridiculous ) Persian ( fluffball ) : I am , as you can see , a superior tabby . I was originally adopted by Mrs . Shopkeeper 's Iranian mother - in - law who admired my long white socks ( they are rather special , aren 't they ? ) . Mrs . Shopkeeper was involved with another cat ( Fizzy ) at the time , but I took a shining to her , bullied the other cat and took over . I occasionally feel a little bit guilty , as the other cat died shortly afterwards , and she was really quite a lady - but fortunately the feeling goes away quickly . I used to spend all my time in the shop window , but then they started selling a lot more food , and seemed to object to me curling up on top of a basket of nuts , so now I am mostly a warehouse and upstairs cat . I am told that I talk a lot ( without saying excuse me ) , and dribble when I am happy . STRING ! Anything to do with string . Supervising the daily pigeon parliament from my balcony . Trying to get into the shop . . . and then amusing passers - by by pretending to be a toy cat asleep in the shop window . Hiding in the warehouse for just long enough to make Mrs . S . really cross . Sitting on the knee cushion of Mrs . S ' posture stool so she has to contort herself while she 's typing stuff . Whacking people playfully through the banisters . Climbing up my chief human to sit in her hoodie . Pushing my humans gently gently while they are sleeping so that I end up with my statutory half of the bed . Showing cuddly toys that I 'm the man ( best not ask ) . What constitutes a perfect evening for you ? Ten minutes of frenetic string game ( I change the rules of this game regularly just so that the humans know who 's in charge ) . Then I like to help Mrs . S . cook dinner : I can just about reach up to the kitchen work surfaces . The silly people usually try to share their supper with me : they really should know by now that I prefer to ' help myself ' . After they 've eaten , I usually try to persuade Mr . S to sit still for while so I can wash myself on his lap : it annoys me considerably that he seems to prefer killing things on his computer . The moment that I went OUTSIDE . Into the HIGH STREET . And was ( allegedly ) so scared I just sat down in the middle of the road . Mrs . S . was always telling me that city outside is not like country outside , and that it was best to stay in . I listen to her now . I like inside . Inside is safe . Any enemies ? Oh yes . CHILDREN . And suitcases - they seem to take people away . I sulk under the bed if Mrs . S . is headstrong enough to try and go away . If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be ? I would make human beings shorter . It 's really quite hard getting to be heard , and I usually have to climb on to the dinner table or the radiator to make eye contact . I would also abolish computers . If you could meet a celebrity ( alive or dead ) , who would it be ? Ernest Hemingway , of course . If I am destined to be a cat - loving writer 's cat , I may as well be the cat of a good cat - loving writer . * gazes spitefully at Mrs . Shopkeeper * Which one of the cats from Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in the lift with ? It would have to be the Bear . All the others seems to have egos to match mine . I am an only - cat and don 't play very well with other cats . . . Being stubborn nonconformists , like most of their species , my cats have a history of being completely indifferent to the more expensive toys I buy them , yet often wildly fascinated by the packaging they arrive in . Longtime readers of this blog will remember their indifference to the The Panic Mouse , although they did have hours of fun with the polystyrene beads it was packed in , so my £ 22 . 99 turned out not to be completely wasted . I have , however , learned from this experience and have recently largely stuck to more " organic " toys ( I 'm talking about leaves and pens and crap like that ) , and the odd packet of uncut catnip - one which my ex - lodger came dangerously close to smoking by mistake - but these new toys from The Frenzy ( see below ) turned my house into something halfway between a cat crack den and adventure playground yesterday . It was very entertaining , largely because I have always liked to picture my cats as a seventies rock band , and it was interesting to see this band in disarray due to all the classic symptoms we 've seen so many times before : drugs , in - fighting , ego wars , chasing some feathers on a long twangy stick , falling in love with a strange furry green vegetable . I wholeheartedly recommend the experience for all procrastinators and fans of VH1 's Behind The Music series . Check out the Frenzy range at the Purrs In Our Hearts Cat Rescue site . Frenzy toy after twelve hours of special kind of loving from Ralph :
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I skipped tender kittenhood , instead springing into the world fully formed and utterly evil . My early years are hidden in mystery , but it is known that my wicked nature so affronted my first family that they threw me onto the street . Luckily , chance led me to the household of the pushover children 's author Marianne Levy , where all bow before my Terrible Claws . A few events of particular note - I once swallowed a needle and held it in my throat , undetected , for a full five days . Ah , the vet 's face when , on my third visit , I coughed it triumphantly on to the table ! And let us not forget the occasion when , in events that have never been fully explained , I gave a veterinary nurse a sprained leg . Then there was the time my head enlarged overnight , before bursting the following morning in a glorious shower of hot pus . Happy days ! What constitutes a perfect evening for you ? I am a cat of great heft and possess a correspondingly vigorous appetite . My ideal evening would involve a meal every twenty minutes or so , and perhaps a game of ' claw the most expensive piece of furniture in the room ' or a few rounds of ' bite Marianne until I taste blood ' . Defining moment of your life ? Marianne was delighted to get a call saying Egmont wanted to publish her children 's series , the ' Ellie May ' books . So , naturally , I chose to ruin the moment with a dramatic collapse from an indigestible hairball . If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be ? I loathe other felines , so can only envisage making the world a better place for myself . An armoured tank might be nice , with specially adapted controls . And nuclear missiles . If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why ? Donald Trump . We 're both dreadful , and we 're both thinning around the ears . Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with ? I would take great pleasure in reducing The Bear to a sad - eyed pulp . Marianne Levy 's new children 's book ' Ellie May Is Totally Happy To Share Her Place In The Spotlight ' is out on 1st April - order it here , or in any independent bookshop . Her website is www . mariannelevy . com . Theme Tune ? ' Love Cats ' by The Cure , which Mum sings to me frequently . Sometimes she also sings ' My , my , Myyyyy , my Milo ' at me to the tune of ' Delilah ' . It 's horrendous . I have a special ' concerned look ' that I use if I hear babies or animals sounding distressed on the TV . I use the same look when mum sings , which probably tells you all you need to know about her singing Owners ? I live with my Mum , and her grown - up daughter . Mum says she is quite boring and doesn 't like talking about herself much . My other human is a writer . . . . or trying to be . She 's very clever . Brief biography ? I was handed in to an animal refuge in Cyprus as a tiny kitten , and I lived there with lots of my animal friends until last November , when I was two & a half . Then me and some of my friends flew in a big metal bird , from Larnaca to Heathrow , and went to stay in Nottingham with some nice foster - people while we were found ' forever homes ' . It was a long journey , and I didn 't really understand what was happening at the time . Mum saw a photo of me on Facebook and says she fell in love at first sight . Three weeks later , after a lot of form filling , emailing , and other boring stuff that I didn 't really understand , I was bought all the way down the M1 from Nottingham to Essex to my new home . I loved it immediately , and within 45 mins I 'd explored and was cuddling my new Mum , and purring lots . Catchphrase ? ' What are you doing ? ? Can I watch ? ' Favourite Habits ? Stealing people 's seat when they get up to make tea / use the loo , then looking all innocent when they come back , like I 'd been there all along , playing ball up and down the stairs at 5 . 30am , then hiding the same balls under the bedroom furniture , so Mum has to get on the floor & hook them out with a coathanger . ( While she does this I sit on her head and purr . ) Shouting at that snow stuff through the windows , and drinking out of people 's mugs or glasses while they 're not looking . Also , I like to watch things . Anything really , I 'm not fussy , just very curious . I like watching mum wash up ( the bubbles fascinate me , but I 'm scared of them too ) and I like watching her make things , on the sewing machine . She says I get too close to the scissors when she 's cutting the fabric , and that I 'll look pretty silly with only half a set of whiskers , but I know what I 'm doing . I like jumping up on high things , wardrobes , doors , bookcases . . . . I like to get a different perspective on things sometimes , and explore new things . ( I found a ridiculous chair the other day , has a big hole in the seat ! ) I also love wildlife documentaries , especially ones with birds in them . They look pretty big on the TV but I 'm confident I could catch them if only the stupid glass wasn 't in the way . Oh , and licking people 's noses when I have terrible cat - food breath . They pretend to protest , but I know they love it really . What constitutes a perfect evening for you ? Snuggling with one of my humans on the sofa . I love to be snuggled up tight , with my nose buried in tiny corners , in armpits , behind cushions etc . Mum says I must have some sort of invisible snorkel to be able to breathe , but I 'm just comfy like that . Then after my snuggles , a nice bit of tuna before bed , a quick game of ' stair football ' while Mum 's taking her daytime fur off and getting her night - time fur on , then I snuggle on the bed with her all night . when it 's really cold , and that infernal white stuff falls down , I sneak under the duvet and sleep . Mum woke up to find me laying next to her with my front paws round her neck the other morning . It was a cuddle , honestly ; I wasn 't trying to strangle her . Favourite food ? Tuna , with occasional morsels of Kentucky Fried Chicken if anyone has any they don 't want . Gotta love those herbs and spices . I like tomato ketchup too , Which Mum found surprising . Anyone would think she 'd never seen a cat eat ketchup before . Defining moment of your life ? Arriving at my forever home , definitely . The whole emigrating process was a bit bewildering , but I knew it had to be for a reason . . . . and arriving here was it . I totally love my new home , and my new people , and I try to show them as often as possible , even if they are trying to type emails , knit , cook , sleep . . . doesn 't matter , I have to let them know ! ! They love me too , I can tell . It 's so wonderful to feel so loved , and have a proper home . I know not all cats are as lucky as I 've been , which makes me a bit sad . . . . but grateful at the same time . Any enemies ? The big grey Wooooh monster . I think it 's called a hoover . I 'm getting used to it , but I 'm not sure we 'll ever be best friends . Cars are a bit scary too , I didn 't see many in Cyprus because I lived in the country , but there are lots here . I watch them through the windows , but they 're a bit big and noisy for my liking If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be ? I 'd make sure that everyone got their cats neutered , so there weren 't so many unwanted kittens , and tell everyone to adopt all the homeless animals from shelters etc . They all deserve a good home like I found . I also think tuna for breakfast should be made law , although the ketchup could be optional . Also , somebody needs to make computers easier for cats to use . We 're all over Twitter , and the internet generally , and we have to get the humans to do our typing for us . I tried to send my own tweet a few weeks ago , but only succeeded in sending one of the laptop keys flying across the room . It 's a real problem , and somebody should fix it soon ! If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why ? I 'm not sure I 'd be very good with celebrities . I can 't imagine they 'd be into the whole nose - licking thing , and I wouldn 't want to cause offence . Besides , I rather like being the centre of attention myself , I wouldn 't want anyone stealing my thunder . Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with ? I love The Bear , he has so many things he 's sad about , and I 'm quite cheerful , so I 'd like to try and reassure him that things aren 't so bad after all . But then again , Ralph is totally awesome too , and I 'd love to compare notes with him on always managing to look so pleased with oneself . ( Mum says I do that too . ) Maybe we could all get stuck in a very big lift and have a party ? I was born in humble circumstances , to a single , homeless mother ( quite possibly in a stable , who knows ) . No one knows who my father was , but presumably he was a handsome devil . My sister Sugar and I were adopted by a human who spoiled us rotten , just as she should , and life was entirely pleasant for the first year . But perfection can 't last forever , and a year later the Demon Puppy shattered the peace . The little sister I never wanted . Six months after that , unimaginable tragedy struck when my real sister was killed in a traffic accident . I mourned her for months . So did my humans , until their eyes were caught by a new pair of kittens , Jack and Daisy . The little whippersnappers were , I admit , a distraction from my grief ( and the little sods kept nicking my food ) . After a year or so I even deigned to acknowledge their existence . A little while later those softhearted human dunces took in another cat , a wily little streetfighter who looked like butter wouldn 't melt , and gave her the frankly ridiculous name of Jemima . Look , it 's not that I don 't think girls should learn how to fight , but the wilful fool will keep attacking humans who are perfectly nice to her . I keep trying to teach by patient , wise , peaceful example - never strike your human in fear or anger ! - - but the little chit won 't listen . Life is , otherwise , peaceful and well - ordered : my humans are well - trained and the food is usually decent . I can come and go as I like , visiting my flock . . . except that there 's been something wrong with the cat flap lately , because whenever I exit it , I find myself very cold and have to come back in . I want it to be fixed , please , so I can bask in the sunshine and be admired by all passers - by . It 's only fair , after all . Since I am the King of Kings , and a god come to Earth , I pretty much do whatever I want , whenever I want . This mostly involves sleeping , because it 's hard work being this gorgeous . I like to perfect my cute posing skills : my favourites are ' Here 's My Belly ' and ' Look ! It 's SuperSpike ! ' . I also quite like hiding in wait for the birds on the front lawn , although how they always spot me I 've no idea . I like helping my human with her writing : I know she appreciates it when I sit under her chair so she can 't move it enough to stand up . It forces her to write more , you see , thereby earning more money to spend on delicious treats for me . I 'm considerate like that . I enjoy disrupting humans ' reading time by sitting on their newspapers , and I love helping with Christmas wrapping . It 's not emasculating to appreciate glitter . A stroll outside if the weather is pleasant . I don 't like the cold and wet , it makes a mess of my perfect fur , and the less said about snow the better ( what 's the point of being so physically perfect if no one can damn well see you ? ) . Then I come in and take a seat at the kitchen table to await my evening refreshment . This varies in quality from lovely roast chicken , to fish in a nice sauce , to something frankly disgusting with vegetables . The humans are quite obliging about transferring the food from their own plates to mine , although sometimes I wonder why they bother . Yes . That bloody Demon Puppy . The little insect is only a year younger than me , but does she comport herself with any dignity ? Maturity ? No , she behaves like the imbecilic infant she once was , and therefore I shall continue to refer to her as a puppy . Noisy , smelly , and if I ever want to enjoy a game of Chase The Human 's Feet With My Claws , she intervenes . I won 't tell you what she did with the catnip mouse . Disgraceful , I call it . Every house should have a cat flap or seven . I like to go and visit my people , you see , because not all of them are lucky enough to have a cat , and I am so magnificent it would be churlish of me to deprive them of my presence . But sometimes I get stuck , like that time I spent two days in a garage . I 'm not sure there 's anyone more exciting than myself . The Queen , perhaps , to try and disabuse her of the idea that those silly little dogs of hers are the best pets . The very notion . Listen , I 'm not hugely fond of other cats . They take the attention away from me . I suppose the one who 's always sad looks relatively peaceful , however . T : Gertie , I think it 's meant to be humorous . My social networking ' handle ' is CB ( for Cat 's Brother ) . Alas one cannot choose one 's relatives . I refuse to answer to ' Oi ' . P : The Invisible Woman , who writes in the Guardian about fashion and stuff for older women . She 's supposed to be writing a book and thinking about another one but she spends a lot of time looking out of the window and drinking coffee . I suppose she 's thinking … T : I find the ' invisible ' thing confusing . I mean if she was I wouldn 't be able to sit on her , right ? But I think , therefore I am , so by extension the IW thinks because she writes and is therefore also ' am ' . She definitely has knees . P : We were were born on a farm in Leicestershire then one day , I think we were about 8 weeks old , The Invisible Woman visited . She tried to kidnap Titus but I wasn 't having any of it , not when I heard he 'd be moving to London , so I kicked up and so did he . In the end she had to take us both . We live on the edge of Blackheath , which we both like enormously because of squirrels . It 's only 10 minutes from London Bridge and there 's so much to see and do ! P : ' Psst ! Cat here . ' It 's the way I let Twitter know it 's me and not The Invisible Woman so all my followers can get ready to be dazzled by my towering intellect . P : Sitting under houseplants waiting for leaves to drop off so I can play with them . Collecting the red rubber bands the postman leaves for me , and playing with them . Sleeping in doorways . Sleeping sideways and on my back in doorways . Sleeping in the washbasin . Sleeping . When I 'm not sleeping I like pretending I 'm an Arabian Leopard and drink water straight from the tap , like it 's a mountain stream , and I 'm in the Arabian mountains chasing furry things and birds and stuff and because I 'm an Arabian Leopard I can … . ( Enough ! - IW ) T : I quite like watching the pigeons . Sometimes I can persuade Pushkin to give my ears a good clean and that 's , like , total blissikins . I enjoy scratching my chin on the corners of things - books , laptop , loo brush , cupboard doors and the fridge . If I can find a pile of freshly laundered bed linen somewhere I 'll climb up for a kip . The IW 's very good at leaving clean things out for me ( I think she knows I like a bit of starch in my pillowcases ) . Oh , and the 7am catnip mouse delivery and wake up call ( full feline aria , sung a capella ) . T : Food , I love food . And biscuits . Catnip 's not that exciting and I can take it or leave it , which is just as well because someone scarfs down more than enough for both of us . I used to enjoy a good horror flick but we don 't watch them anymore , not since we all watched Spielberg 's Poltergeist and it gave me ideas . Just for old times ' sake I might sit and stare at the wall for 10 minutes just to weird everyone out . Ah , happy days … T : Well , obviously I like to eat sensibly but if there 's one thing I go mad for , it 's cheese . If I can nick a bit of cave - aged Gruyere I 'm well happy . Lately I 've developed a taste for Ben & Jerry 's ice cream . I try to include a bit of roughage in my diet and chew the corners off the pelargonium by the front door but I 'm afraid it disagrees with me . It 's a useful emetic though . For the full effect I need to eat some just before bedtime so I can wake at 3am for a good clear out before breakfast . P : I 'm not wild about Reuben - Down - the - Road . I sometimes see the IW wantonly tickling his tummy in the street , in broad daylight ! Reuben is a shameless apricot tart though so I suppose it 's not without provocation . The Dyson . P : My super - power would be thumbs . Then I could open the fridge and feed myself . Sitting and staring at the door doesn 't help . Legalised catnip for all . Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you most like to be stuck in a lift with ? P : Janet . We 're both charismatic with a tremendous zest for life and boundless energy . While we 're waiting to be rescued we could play Wall of Death ( Romper Stomper Rules ) . T : The Bear . It would be a meeting of minds because I too know the emotional pain of allergic fur loss . I have only to cough and a bit more falls off . Nicknames ? Now that I 'm getting older , I often get called Mabel or sometimes even Maybellene . They called the other one The Boy , The Boo , Smokie - Boo or sometimes Smokie - Bollocks ( apparently on account of his lack of them ) . Theme Tune ? Well , mine is quite obviously Maybelline by Chuck Berry . Although Jo ( one of my willing slaves ) likes to change the lyrics to sing , ' Oh Maybelline , you are my black cat ' and other amusing ditties . Smoke tells me that his is I ran so far away by A Flock of Seagulls . Mainly because he spends most of his time running away from things … his shadow , any slight noises , Jo trying to take nice pictures of him … you get the picture . Age ? A sprightly 16 ! The boy is 5 , coming up to 6 . Owners ? I 'm terribly sorry , but I really don 't understand that question ? If you mean whom do I own , then I currently have two quite well trained slaves at my disposal . Jo is a photographer and writer and Phil works for an independent fostering agency , and writes a bit on the side . Brief biography ? Phil got my brother and I from the parents of a friend when he was at university in Bradford . Very sadly , my brother Alaska died aged 6 from kidney failure and once I 'd recovered from the upset , I began to quite enjoy being an only cat . But then Phil decided to keep trying to bring in new cats to keep me company . He didn 't have much luck - Mr Blue sadly died too , and then Newbie ran off after I gave him a stern hiss or twenty . Unfortunately , Smoke seems rather too keen on sticking around ; despite my best efforts to ' accidentally ' push him off the stairs . He came from The Society for Abandoned Animals in Stretford , Manchester . Phil says that he was absolutely desperate for attention , and made himself the obvious choice . No decorum , that cat . Like The Bear , we are both also the cats of a broken marriage , but we 're both very happy with our new slave , Jo because she works from home and is always around to attend to us . She 's been around for a while now and tells me that she and Phil are getting married in the summer . I 'm still deciding what to wear . Catchphrase ? ' To love oneself is the beginning of a life - long romance ' - Oscar Wilde . I 'm fully versed in this , and encourage all those who meet me to feel the same way about … well … me , of course . Smoke 's catchphrase is undoubtedly a traumatised sounding ' meep ' . He 's permanently one paw away from a full on existential crisis . What constitutes a perfect evening for you ? I like to start the evening with a little light supper , although I 'm extremely fussy about my dry food these days and will only deign to eat it if it 's had a light sprinkling of water on top . If this isn 't forthcoming , I just sit in front of the slaves and yell at them continuously until they rectify the situation . I 'm quite proud of how long I can yell for without taking a breath . Then I retire back to bed for a light nap , before coming downstairs for a slightly lighter nap on Jo 's knee . Finally , I take up my position as ' chaperone cat ' , sleeping in - between Jo and Phil to prevent any funny business . And if it 's particularly cold , I like to get under the covers and snuggle up against Jo , meaning that she has to lie rigid for hours in one position . It 's good to keep your slaves under control with simple methods like this . The boy likes to spend his evenings outside , trying ( and thankfully usually failing ) to bring in live mice . On the odd occasion he does succeed though , he provides good exercise for Phil , who likes to run around after the mouse with a plastic bag . Most fun to watch ! If it 's cold , he tends to stay inside , making a lot of noise and jumping all over the sofa . Sometimes it 's hard living with such a simple creature . Favourite food ? Raw chicken and grated cheddar cheese . Smoke likes any meat and will dance on his hind legs to get at it . No dignity , that boy . Defining moment of your life ? Apart from finding my forever home , I think my defining moment was discovering murder as my lifestyle choice . I 'll say no more on the subject , but that boy had better watch his back . Any enemies ? Like one of your other recent guest bloggers , I really can 't stand the hoover . Jo seems to agree with me , but Phil seems to have an obsession with the thing - it comes out at least once a week . Far too often in my opinion ! Smoke has running battles with most of the other local cats , and often gets chased indoors from the back garden . He then immediately jumps on the windowsill by the front garden to ' see off the intruder ' . If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be ? Ask people to always consider adopting a cat from a rescue centre , as there are so many in need of a home . Particularly black cats like myself , as apparently they are the least adopted colour . Which is such a shame , because we are the most affectionate of moggies . If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why ? Blofeld 's cat from James Bond . I think we 'd have some interesting plans to make for world domination . Smoke says that he 'd like to Sigmund Freud as he 's got some issues with his mother that he 'd like to resolve . Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with ? It would have to be The Bear for me , as he is my male twin after all . Smoke says that he 'd just like to meet all of the cats , in the hope that one of them will be nicer to him than I am . Visit Mai and Smoke 's human 's website . Posted by Pfft . My human is called Mrs . Shopkeeper aka Sally . She writes stuff and works in a shop . I have to share her with her husband Mr . Shopkeeper aka Jamshid . As I am attached to a Persian shop , most people expect me to be ( a ridiculous ) Persian ( fluffball ) : I am , as you can see , a superior tabby . I was originally adopted by Mrs . Shopkeeper 's Iranian mother - in - law who admired my long white socks ( they are rather special , aren 't they ? ) . Mrs . Shopkeeper was involved with another cat ( Fizzy ) at the time , but I took a shining to her , bullied the other cat and took over . I occasionally feel a little bit guilty , as the other cat died shortly afterwards , and she was really quite a lady - but fortunately the feeling goes away quickly . I used to spend all my time in the shop window , but then they started selling a lot more food , and seemed to object to me curling up on top of a basket of nuts , so now I am mostly a warehouse and upstairs cat . I am told that I talk a lot ( without saying excuse me ) , and dribble when I am happy . STRING ! Anything to do with string . Supervising the daily pigeon parliament from my balcony . Trying to get into the shop . . . and then amusing passers - by by pretending to be a toy cat asleep in the shop window . Hiding in the warehouse for just long enough to make Mrs . S . really cross . Sitting on the knee cushion of Mrs . S ' posture stool so she has to contort herself while she 's typing stuff . Whacking people playfully through the banisters . Climbing up my chief human to sit in her hoodie . Pushing my humans gently gently while they are sleeping so that I end up with my statutory half of the bed . Showing cuddly toys that I 'm the man ( best not ask ) . What constitutes a perfect evening for you ? Ten minutes of frenetic string game ( I change the rules of this game regularly just so that the humans know who 's in charge ) . Then I like to help Mrs . S . cook dinner : I can just about reach up to the kitchen work surfaces . The silly people usually try to share their supper with me : they really should know by now that I prefer to ' help myself ' . After they 've eaten , I usually try to persuade Mr . S to sit still for while so I can wash myself on his lap : it annoys me considerably that he seems to prefer killing things on his computer . The moment that I went OUTSIDE . Into the HIGH STREET . And was ( allegedly ) so scared I just sat down in the middle of the road . Mrs . S . was always telling me that city outside is not like country outside , and that it was best to stay in . I listen to her now . I like inside . Inside is safe . Any enemies ? Oh yes . CHILDREN . And suitcases - they seem to take people away . I sulk under the bed if Mrs . S . is headstrong enough to try and go away . If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be ? I would make human beings shorter . It 's really quite hard getting to be heard , and I usually have to climb on to the dinner table or the radiator to make eye contact . I would also abolish computers . If you could meet a celebrity ( alive or dead ) , who would it be ? Ernest Hemingway , of course . If I am destined to be a cat - loving writer 's cat , I may as well be the cat of a good cat - loving writer . * gazes spitefully at Mrs . Shopkeeper * Which one of the cats from Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in the lift with ? It would have to be the Bear . All the others seems to have egos to match mine . I am an only - cat and don 't play very well with other cats . . . Being stubborn nonconformists , like most of their species , my cats have a history of being completely indifferent to the more expensive toys I buy them , yet often wildly fascinated by the packaging they arrive in . Longtime readers of this blog will remember their indifference to the The Panic Mouse , although they did have hours of fun with the polystyrene beads it was packed in , so my £ 22 . 99 turned out not to be completely wasted . I have , however , learned from this experience and have recently largely stuck to more " organic " toys ( I 'm talking about leaves and pens and crap like that ) , and the odd packet of uncut catnip - one which my ex - lodger came dangerously close to smoking by mistake - but these new toys from The Frenzy ( see below ) turned my house into something halfway between a cat crack den and adventure playground yesterday . It was very entertaining , largely because I have always liked to picture my cats as a seventies rock band , and it was interesting to see this band in disarray due to all the classic symptoms we 've seen so many times before : drugs , in - fighting , ego wars , chasing some feathers on a long twangy stick , falling in love with a strange furry green vegetable . I wholeheartedly recommend the experience for all procrastinators and fans of VH1 's Behind The Music series . Check out the Frenzy range at the Purrs In Our Hearts Cat Rescue site . Frenzy toy after twelve hours of special kind of loving from Ralph :
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I skipped tender kittenhood , instead springing into the world fully formed and utterly evil . My early years are hidden in mystery , but it is known that my wicked nature so affronted my first family that they threw me onto the street . Luckily , chance led me to the household of the pushover children 's author Marianne Levy , where all bow before my Terrible Claws . A few events of particular note - I once swallowed a needle and held it in my throat , undetected , for a full five days . Ah , the vet 's face when , on my third visit , I coughed it triumphantly on to the table ! And let us not forget the occasion when , in events that have never been fully explained , I gave a veterinary nurse a sprained leg . Then there was the time my head enlarged overnight , before bursting the following morning in a glorious shower of hot pus . Happy days ! What constitutes a perfect evening for you ? I am a cat of great heft and possess a correspondingly vigorous appetite . My ideal evening would involve a meal every twenty minutes or so , and perhaps a game of ' claw the most expensive piece of furniture in the room ' or a few rounds of ' bite Marianne until I taste blood ' . Defining moment of your life ? Marianne was delighted to get a call saying Egmont wanted to publish her children 's series , the ' Ellie May ' books . So , naturally , I chose to ruin the moment with a dramatic collapse from an indigestible hairball . If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be ? I loathe other felines , so can only envisage making the world a better place for myself . An armoured tank might be nice , with specially adapted controls . And nuclear missiles . If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why ? Donald Trump . We 're both dreadful , and we 're both thinning around the ears . Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with ? I would take great pleasure in reducing The Bear to a sad - eyed pulp . Marianne Levy 's new children 's book ' Ellie May Is Totally Happy To Share Her Place In The Spotlight ' is out on 1st April - order it here , or in any independent bookshop . Her website is www . mariannelevy . com . Theme Tune ? ' Love Cats ' by The Cure , which Mum sings to me frequently . Sometimes she also sings ' My , my , Myyyyy , my Milo ' at me to the tune of ' Delilah ' . It 's horrendous . I have a special ' concerned look ' that I use if I hear babies or animals sounding distressed on the TV . I use the same look when mum sings , which probably tells you all you need to know about her singing Owners ? I live with my Mum , and her grown - up daughter . Mum says she is quite boring and doesn 't like talking about herself much . My other human is a writer . . . . or trying to be . She 's very clever . Brief biography ? I was handed in to an animal refuge in Cyprus as a tiny kitten , and I lived there with lots of my animal friends until last November , when I was two & a half . Then me and some of my friends flew in a big metal bird , from Larnaca to Heathrow , and went to stay in Nottingham with some nice foster - people while we were found ' forever homes ' . It was a long journey , and I didn 't really understand what was happening at the time . Mum saw a photo of me on Facebook and says she fell in love at first sight . Three weeks later , after a lot of form filling , emailing , and other boring stuff that I didn 't really understand , I was bought all the way down the M1 from Nottingham to Essex to my new home . I loved it immediately , and within 45 mins I 'd explored and was cuddling my new Mum , and purring lots . Catchphrase ? ' What are you doing ? ? Can I watch ? ' Favourite Habits ? Stealing people 's seat when they get up to make tea / use the loo , then looking all innocent when they come back , like I 'd been there all along , playing ball up and down the stairs at 5 . 30am , then hiding the same balls under the bedroom furniture , so Mum has to get on the floor & hook them out with a coathanger . ( While she does this I sit on her head and purr . ) Shouting at that snow stuff through the windows , and drinking out of people 's mugs or glasses while they 're not looking . Also , I like to watch things . Anything really , I 'm not fussy , just very curious . I like watching mum wash up ( the bubbles fascinate me , but I 'm scared of them too ) and I like watching her make things , on the sewing machine . She says I get too close to the scissors when she 's cutting the fabric , and that I 'll look pretty silly with only half a set of whiskers , but I know what I 'm doing . I like jumping up on high things , wardrobes , doors , bookcases . . . . I like to get a different perspective on things sometimes , and explore new things . ( I found a ridiculous chair the other day , has a big hole in the seat ! ) I also love wildlife documentaries , especially ones with birds in them . They look pretty big on the TV but I 'm confident I could catch them if only the stupid glass wasn 't in the way . Oh , and licking people 's noses when I have terrible cat - food breath . They pretend to protest , but I know they love it really . What constitutes a perfect evening for you ? Snuggling with one of my humans on the sofa . I love to be snuggled up tight , with my nose buried in tiny corners , in armpits , behind cushions etc . Mum says I must have some sort of invisible snorkel to be able to breathe , but I 'm just comfy like that . Then after my snuggles , a nice bit of tuna before bed , a quick game of ' stair football ' while Mum 's taking her daytime fur off and getting her night - time fur on , then I snuggle on the bed with her all night . when it 's really cold , and that infernal white stuff falls down , I sneak under the duvet and sleep . Mum woke up to find me laying next to her with my front paws round her neck the other morning . It was a cuddle , honestly ; I wasn 't trying to strangle her . Favourite food ? Tuna , with occasional morsels of Kentucky Fried Chicken if anyone has any they don 't want . Gotta love those herbs and spices . I like tomato ketchup too , Which Mum found surprising . Anyone would think she 'd never seen a cat eat ketchup before . Defining moment of your life ? Arriving at my forever home , definitely . The whole emigrating process was a bit bewildering , but I knew it had to be for a reason . . . . and arriving here was it . I totally love my new home , and my new people , and I try to show them as often as possible , even if they are trying to type emails , knit , cook , sleep . . . doesn 't matter , I have to let them know ! ! They love me too , I can tell . It 's so wonderful to feel so loved , and have a proper home . I know not all cats are as lucky as I 've been , which makes me a bit sad . . . . but grateful at the same time . Any enemies ? The big grey Wooooh monster . I think it 's called a hoover . I 'm getting used to it , but I 'm not sure we 'll ever be best friends . Cars are a bit scary too , I didn 't see many in Cyprus because I lived in the country , but there are lots here . I watch them through the windows , but they 're a bit big and noisy for my liking If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be ? I 'd make sure that everyone got their cats neutered , so there weren 't so many unwanted kittens , and tell everyone to adopt all the homeless animals from shelters etc . They all deserve a good home like I found . I also think tuna for breakfast should be made law , although the ketchup could be optional . Also , somebody needs to make computers easier for cats to use . We 're all over Twitter , and the internet generally , and we have to get the humans to do our typing for us . I tried to send my own tweet a few weeks ago , but only succeeded in sending one of the laptop keys flying across the room . It 's a real problem , and somebody should fix it soon ! If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why ? I 'm not sure I 'd be very good with celebrities . I can 't imagine they 'd be into the whole nose - licking thing , and I wouldn 't want to cause offence . Besides , I rather like being the centre of attention myself , I wouldn 't want anyone stealing my thunder . Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with ? I love The Bear , he has so many things he 's sad about , and I 'm quite cheerful , so I 'd like to try and reassure him that things aren 't so bad after all . But then again , Ralph is totally awesome too , and I 'd love to compare notes with him on always managing to look so pleased with oneself . ( Mum says I do that too . ) Maybe we could all get stuck in a very big lift and have a party ? I was born in humble circumstances , to a single , homeless mother ( quite possibly in a stable , who knows ) . No one knows who my father was , but presumably he was a handsome devil . My sister Sugar and I were adopted by a human who spoiled us rotten , just as she should , and life was entirely pleasant for the first year . But perfection can 't last forever , and a year later the Demon Puppy shattered the peace . The little sister I never wanted . Six months after that , unimaginable tragedy struck when my real sister was killed in a traffic accident . I mourned her for months . So did my humans , until their eyes were caught by a new pair of kittens , Jack and Daisy . The little whippersnappers were , I admit , a distraction from my grief ( and the little sods kept nicking my food ) . After a year or so I even deigned to acknowledge their existence . A little while later those softhearted human dunces took in another cat , a wily little streetfighter who looked like butter wouldn 't melt , and gave her the frankly ridiculous name of Jemima . Look , it 's not that I don 't think girls should learn how to fight , but the wilful fool will keep attacking humans who are perfectly nice to her . I keep trying to teach by patient , wise , peaceful example - never strike your human in fear or anger ! - - but the little chit won 't listen . Life is , otherwise , peaceful and well - ordered : my humans are well - trained and the food is usually decent . I can come and go as I like , visiting my flock . . . except that there 's been something wrong with the cat flap lately , because whenever I exit it , I find myself very cold and have to come back in . I want it to be fixed , please , so I can bask in the sunshine and be admired by all passers - by . It 's only fair , after all . Since I am the King of Kings , and a god come to Earth , I pretty much do whatever I want , whenever I want . This mostly involves sleeping , because it 's hard work being this gorgeous . I like to perfect my cute posing skills : my favourites are ' Here 's My Belly ' and ' Look ! It 's SuperSpike ! ' . I also quite like hiding in wait for the birds on the front lawn , although how they always spot me I 've no idea . I like helping my human with her writing : I know she appreciates it when I sit under her chair so she can 't move it enough to stand up . It forces her to write more , you see , thereby earning more money to spend on delicious treats for me . I 'm considerate like that . I enjoy disrupting humans ' reading time by sitting on their newspapers , and I love helping with Christmas wrapping . It 's not emasculating to appreciate glitter . A stroll outside if the weather is pleasant . I don 't like the cold and wet , it makes a mess of my perfect fur , and the less said about snow the better ( what 's the point of being so physically perfect if no one can damn well see you ? ) . Then I come in and take a seat at the kitchen table to await my evening refreshment . This varies in quality from lovely roast chicken , to fish in a nice sauce , to something frankly disgusting with vegetables . The humans are quite obliging about transferring the food from their own plates to mine , although sometimes I wonder why they bother . Yes . That bloody Demon Puppy . The little insect is only a year younger than me , but does she comport herself with any dignity ? Maturity ? No , she behaves like the imbecilic infant she once was , and therefore I shall continue to refer to her as a puppy . Noisy , smelly , and if I ever want to enjoy a game of Chase The Human 's Feet With My Claws , she intervenes . I won 't tell you what she did with the catnip mouse . Disgraceful , I call it . Every house should have a cat flap or seven . I like to go and visit my people , you see , because not all of them are lucky enough to have a cat , and I am so magnificent it would be churlish of me to deprive them of my presence . But sometimes I get stuck , like that time I spent two days in a garage . I 'm not sure there 's anyone more exciting than myself . The Queen , perhaps , to try and disabuse her of the idea that those silly little dogs of hers are the best pets . The very notion . Listen , I 'm not hugely fond of other cats . They take the attention away from me . I suppose the one who 's always sad looks relatively peaceful , however . T : Gertie , I think it 's meant to be humorous . My social networking ' handle ' is CB ( for Cat 's Brother ) . Alas one cannot choose one 's relatives . I refuse to answer to ' Oi ' . P : The Invisible Woman , who writes in the Guardian about fashion and stuff for older women . She 's supposed to be writing a book and thinking about another one but she spends a lot of time looking out of the window and drinking coffee . I suppose she 's thinking … T : I find the ' invisible ' thing confusing . I mean if she was I wouldn 't be able to sit on her , right ? But I think , therefore I am , so by extension the IW thinks because she writes and is therefore also ' am ' . She definitely has knees . P : We were were born on a farm in Leicestershire then one day , I think we were about 8 weeks old , The Invisible Woman visited . She tried to kidnap Titus but I wasn 't having any of it , not when I heard he 'd be moving to London , so I kicked up and so did he . In the end she had to take us both . We live on the edge of Blackheath , which we both like enormously because of squirrels . It 's only 10 minutes from London Bridge and there 's so much to see and do ! P : ' Psst ! Cat here . ' It 's the way I let Twitter know it 's me and not The Invisible Woman so all my followers can get ready to be dazzled by my towering intellect . P : Sitting under houseplants waiting for leaves to drop off so I can play with them . Collecting the red rubber bands the postman leaves for me , and playing with them . Sleeping in doorways . Sleeping sideways and on my back in doorways . Sleeping in the washbasin . Sleeping . When I 'm not sleeping I like pretending I 'm an Arabian Leopard and drink water straight from the tap , like it 's a mountain stream , and I 'm in the Arabian mountains chasing furry things and birds and stuff and because I 'm an Arabian Leopard I can … . ( Enough ! - IW ) T : I quite like watching the pigeons . Sometimes I can persuade Pushkin to give my ears a good clean and that 's , like , total blissikins . I enjoy scratching my chin on the corners of things - books , laptop , loo brush , cupboard doors and the fridge . If I can find a pile of freshly laundered bed linen somewhere I 'll climb up for a kip . The IW 's very good at leaving clean things out for me ( I think she knows I like a bit of starch in my pillowcases ) . Oh , and the 7am catnip mouse delivery and wake up call ( full feline aria , sung a capella ) . T : Food , I love food . And biscuits . Catnip 's not that exciting and I can take it or leave it , which is just as well because someone scarfs down more than enough for both of us . I used to enjoy a good horror flick but we don 't watch them anymore , not since we all watched Spielberg 's Poltergeist and it gave me ideas . Just for old times ' sake I might sit and stare at the wall for 10 minutes just to weird everyone out . Ah , happy days … T : Well , obviously I like to eat sensibly but if there 's one thing I go mad for , it 's cheese . If I can nick a bit of cave - aged Gruyere I 'm well happy . Lately I 've developed a taste for Ben & Jerry 's ice cream . I try to include a bit of roughage in my diet and chew the corners off the pelargonium by the front door but I 'm afraid it disagrees with me . It 's a useful emetic though . For the full effect I need to eat some just before bedtime so I can wake at 3am for a good clear out before breakfast . P : I 'm not wild about Reuben - Down - the - Road . I sometimes see the IW wantonly tickling his tummy in the street , in broad daylight ! Reuben is a shameless apricot tart though so I suppose it 's not without provocation . The Dyson . P : My super - power would be thumbs . Then I could open the fridge and feed myself . Sitting and staring at the door doesn 't help . Legalised catnip for all . Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you most like to be stuck in a lift with ? P : Janet . We 're both charismatic with a tremendous zest for life and boundless energy . While we 're waiting to be rescued we could play Wall of Death ( Romper Stomper Rules ) . T : The Bear . It would be a meeting of minds because I too know the emotional pain of allergic fur loss . I have only to cough and a bit more falls off . Nicknames ? Now that I 'm getting older , I often get called Mabel or sometimes even Maybellene . They called the other one The Boy , The Boo , Smokie - Boo or sometimes Smokie - Bollocks ( apparently on account of his lack of them ) . Theme Tune ? Well , mine is quite obviously Maybelline by Chuck Berry . Although Jo ( one of my willing slaves ) likes to change the lyrics to sing , ' Oh Maybelline , you are my black cat ' and other amusing ditties . Smoke tells me that his is I ran so far away by A Flock of Seagulls . Mainly because he spends most of his time running away from things … his shadow , any slight noises , Jo trying to take nice pictures of him … you get the picture . Age ? A sprightly 16 ! The boy is 5 , coming up to 6 . Owners ? I 'm terribly sorry , but I really don 't understand that question ? If you mean whom do I own , then I currently have two quite well trained slaves at my disposal . Jo is a photographer and writer and Phil works for an independent fostering agency , and writes a bit on the side . Brief biography ? Phil got my brother and I from the parents of a friend when he was at university in Bradford . Very sadly , my brother Alaska died aged 6 from kidney failure and once I 'd recovered from the upset , I began to quite enjoy being an only cat . But then Phil decided to keep trying to bring in new cats to keep me company . He didn 't have much luck - Mr Blue sadly died too , and then Newbie ran off after I gave him a stern hiss or twenty . Unfortunately , Smoke seems rather too keen on sticking around ; despite my best efforts to ' accidentally ' push him off the stairs . He came from The Society for Abandoned Animals in Stretford , Manchester . Phil says that he was absolutely desperate for attention , and made himself the obvious choice . No decorum , that cat . Like The Bear , we are both also the cats of a broken marriage , but we 're both very happy with our new slave , Jo because she works from home and is always around to attend to us . She 's been around for a while now and tells me that she and Phil are getting married in the summer . I 'm still deciding what to wear . Catchphrase ? ' To love oneself is the beginning of a life - long romance ' - Oscar Wilde . I 'm fully versed in this , and encourage all those who meet me to feel the same way about … well … me , of course . Smoke 's catchphrase is undoubtedly a traumatised sounding ' meep ' . He 's permanently one paw away from a full on existential crisis . What constitutes a perfect evening for you ? I like to start the evening with a little light supper , although I 'm extremely fussy about my dry food these days and will only deign to eat it if it 's had a light sprinkling of water on top . If this isn 't forthcoming , I just sit in front of the slaves and yell at them continuously until they rectify the situation . I 'm quite proud of how long I can yell for without taking a breath . Then I retire back to bed for a light nap , before coming downstairs for a slightly lighter nap on Jo 's knee . Finally , I take up my position as ' chaperone cat ' , sleeping in - between Jo and Phil to prevent any funny business . And if it 's particularly cold , I like to get under the covers and snuggle up against Jo , meaning that she has to lie rigid for hours in one position . It 's good to keep your slaves under control with simple methods like this . The boy likes to spend his evenings outside , trying ( and thankfully usually failing ) to bring in live mice . On the odd occasion he does succeed though , he provides good exercise for Phil , who likes to run around after the mouse with a plastic bag . Most fun to watch ! If it 's cold , he tends to stay inside , making a lot of noise and jumping all over the sofa . Sometimes it 's hard living with such a simple creature . Favourite food ? Raw chicken and grated cheddar cheese . Smoke likes any meat and will dance on his hind legs to get at it . No dignity , that boy . Defining moment of your life ? Apart from finding my forever home , I think my defining moment was discovering murder as my lifestyle choice . I 'll say no more on the subject , but that boy had better watch his back . Any enemies ? Like one of your other recent guest bloggers , I really can 't stand the hoover . Jo seems to agree with me , but Phil seems to have an obsession with the thing - it comes out at least once a week . Far too often in my opinion ! Smoke has running battles with most of the other local cats , and often gets chased indoors from the back garden . He then immediately jumps on the windowsill by the front garden to ' see off the intruder ' . If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be ? Ask people to always consider adopting a cat from a rescue centre , as there are so many in need of a home . Particularly black cats like myself , as apparently they are the least adopted colour . Which is such a shame , because we are the most affectionate of moggies . If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why ? Blofeld 's cat from James Bond . I think we 'd have some interesting plans to make for world domination . Smoke says that he 'd like to Sigmund Freud as he 's got some issues with his mother that he 'd like to resolve . Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with ? It would have to be The Bear for me , as he is my male twin after all . Smoke says that he 'd just like to meet all of the cats , in the hope that one of them will be nicer to him than I am . Visit Mai and Smoke 's human 's website . Posted by Pfft . My human is called Mrs . Shopkeeper aka Sally . She writes stuff and works in a shop . I have to share her with her husband Mr . Shopkeeper aka Jamshid . As I am attached to a Persian shop , most people expect me to be ( a ridiculous ) Persian ( fluffball ) : I am , as you can see , a superior tabby . I was originally adopted by Mrs . Shopkeeper 's Iranian mother - in - law who admired my long white socks ( they are rather special , aren 't they ? ) . Mrs . Shopkeeper was involved with another cat ( Fizzy ) at the time , but I took a shining to her , bullied the other cat and took over . I occasionally feel a little bit guilty , as the other cat died shortly afterwards , and she was really quite a lady - but fortunately the feeling goes away quickly . I used to spend all my time in the shop window , but then they started selling a lot more food , and seemed to object to me curling up on top of a basket of nuts , so now I am mostly a warehouse and upstairs cat . I am told that I talk a lot ( without saying excuse me ) , and dribble when I am happy . STRING ! Anything to do with string . Supervising the daily pigeon parliament from my balcony . Trying to get into the shop . . . and then amusing passers - by by pretending to be a toy cat asleep in the shop window . Hiding in the warehouse for just long enough to make Mrs . S . really cross . Sitting on the knee cushion of Mrs . S ' posture stool so she has to contort herself while she 's typing stuff . Whacking people playfully through the banisters . Climbing up my chief human to sit in her hoodie . Pushing my humans gently gently while they are sleeping so that I end up with my statutory half of the bed . Showing cuddly toys that I 'm the man ( best not ask ) . What constitutes a perfect evening for you ? Ten minutes of frenetic string game ( I change the rules of this game regularly just so that the humans know who 's in charge ) . Then I like to help Mrs . S . cook dinner : I can just about reach up to the kitchen work surfaces . The silly people usually try to share their supper with me : they really should know by now that I prefer to ' help myself ' . After they 've eaten , I usually try to persuade Mr . S to sit still for while so I can wash myself on his lap : it annoys me considerably that he seems to prefer killing things on his computer . The moment that I went OUTSIDE . Into the HIGH STREET . And was ( allegedly ) so scared I just sat down in the middle of the road . Mrs . S . was always telling me that city outside is not like country outside , and that it was best to stay in . I listen to her now . I like inside . Inside is safe . Any enemies ? Oh yes . CHILDREN . And suitcases - they seem to take people away . I sulk under the bed if Mrs . S . is headstrong enough to try and go away . If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be ? I would make human beings shorter . It 's really quite hard getting to be heard , and I usually have to climb on to the dinner table or the radiator to make eye contact . I would also abolish computers . If you could meet a celebrity ( alive or dead ) , who would it be ? Ernest Hemingway , of course . If I am destined to be a cat - loving writer 's cat , I may as well be the cat of a good cat - loving writer . * gazes spitefully at Mrs . Shopkeeper * Which one of the cats from Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in the lift with ? It would have to be the Bear . All the others seems to have egos to match mine . I am an only - cat and don 't play very well with other cats . . . Being stubborn nonconformists , like most of their species , my cats have a history of being completely indifferent to the more expensive toys I buy them , yet often wildly fascinated by the packaging they arrive in . Longtime readers of this blog will remember their indifference to the The Panic Mouse , although they did have hours of fun with the polystyrene beads it was packed in , so my £ 22 . 99 turned out not to be completely wasted . I have , however , learned from this experience and have recently largely stuck to more " organic " toys ( I 'm talking about leaves and pens and crap like that ) , and the odd packet of uncut catnip - one which my ex - lodger came dangerously close to smoking by mistake - but these new toys from The Frenzy ( see below ) turned my house into something halfway between a cat crack den and adventure playground yesterday . It was very entertaining , largely because I have always liked to picture my cats as a seventies rock band , and it was interesting to see this band in disarray due to all the classic symptoms we 've seen so many times before : drugs , in - fighting , ego wars , chasing some feathers on a long twangy stick , falling in love with a strange furry green vegetable . I wholeheartedly recommend the experience for all procrastinators and fans of VH1 's Behind The Music series . Check out the Frenzy range at the Purrs In Our Hearts Cat Rescue site . Frenzy toy after twelve hours of special kind of loving from Ralph :
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As the New Year fast approaches , I often catch myself undergoing brief moments of self - evaluation . What is it about me that makes me me ? And should I be ok with those things , or really reach deep down and make an effort to change them ? Here are some of the questions that have been running through my mind : Is it bad that my daughter came home from school with a wrapped handmade gift which I automatically assumed was the inevitable " mom " present , and when I went to sentimentally place it under the tree with eyes brimming , she said , " Hey , that 's a picture frame I made with a picture of me in it , and I 'm giving it to my friend Jenna ! " ? Is it bad that I have never sent out a Christmas card / letter , and I might never send one out ? Is it bad that I made a renewed effort to start exercising again , went running around my neighborhood twice , then swore it off ? ( In my defense , it was pretty bad timing to pick up outdoor running in mid - November . ) Is it bad that sometimes when someone in my family is talking to me , I am just thinking about the plot of Alias , and where could they possibly be hiding Vaughn , and how is Irina connected ? Is it bad that I want " Soft A Blossom Falls " played and / or sung at my funeral ? I just love the song - - I 'm not trying to make a statement about my physical appearance . Is it bad that I think about funerals and people dying , hoping to avoid such tragedy by doing so ? Is it bad that Mila 's teacher had to lecture me on how Mila probably shouldn 't be eating the school snow because there are two different kinds of chemicals on the ground ? Is it bad that everyone in my ward 's favorite hobbies are scrapbooking , cooking , and exercise , and mine are Tivoing , acting , and eating ? Is it bad that my family is well aware and publicly documents that my favorite hobby is eating ? ( http : / / www . cannonbaheclan . blogspot . com / ) Is it bad that I want people to go visit the above blog because it 's all about me , and I 'm starved for attention ? ( At least I 'm honest . ) Is it bad that as I 'm writing this blog , I 'm arguing with Mila about how wPosted by It has been snowing all morning . And not like lame , wimpy snow . We 're talking heavy - duty , white - out , I can 't see my neighbor 's car , blizzard . It is awesomely gorgeous . So can you tell I love snow ? What I 'm looking at outside my window right now has to be the prettiest sight I 've seen since about two months ago , when I looked out and saw nothing but red trees all over the mountains . Seasons , you gotta love them ! I want to cry for my family and friends in California , Arizona and Texas , who have two seasons year round : really hot and sorta hot , and who have to throw on their coats when it 's 65 degrees out . I just feel for them , for what they 're missing out on . My Burbank - native sister Jacqui has never even seen snow ! I just shed a special tear for her . I mean , in four months , I 'll probably be changing my mind again when all of the trees and flowers are in full bloom , but for today , the snow has my vote all the way . Here are some of the reasons why snow holds such a special place in my heart : * * Mila fills our backyard with " snow angels , " or as I like to call them , " butt angels , " because when I look out the window all I can really see are little bum indentations everywhere . * * In what other kind of weather , tell me , do you hear the following squeals from your children as you 're driving to school : " AAAH , we 're going to be buried alive - - - eeeek ! " and " WHOAAAAA ! There are ghosts everywhere , Mommy ! " and my favorite - - " Oh my gosh , Mom , I don 't even want to think about what a crazy time recess is going to be today ! ! " Do you get to hear those gems when it 's sunny ? I don 't think so . * * Three words : Hot chocolate , Baby ! * * I get to call my friend ( who shall remain nameless so as to protect her " cool person " status ) on the phone first thing in the morning and give her a giddy , giggly update of our snowfall , and then continue those updates throughout the day . * * Do not even tell me there is anything more beautiful to look at this time of year than the snow - covered mountains of Utah county . Just stop trying to think of something - - why waste Posted by Yeah , so have I ever mentioned that I come from an incredibly talented family ? There 's this seventeen - year old rocker chick named Maryn Jones who happens to have this cool band and who happens to be my baby sister . Go here to see / hear what I 'm talking about . And I should mention that my sister Brinna sang as an opening act for the one and only Bob Newhart . Both Brinna and my ever youthful mom , Shawn , sing in smokin ' cover and tribute bands , performing gigs all over the east coast . My brother Clayton 's musical highlights have spanned everything from flying across a stage as Michael in Peter Pan at age eight to working as a professional studio vocalist to kicking some major behind in All - State choir in high school . Last time I checked , he dreamed of being a high school choir director . He 'd make a darn good one . When my dad plays guitar and sings " The Birthday of a King " or that one shepherd boy song , it might just be the prettiest thing I 've ever heard . So my family rocks the music world . That 's all I 'm sayin ' . The other day I was reminded of something strange about my childhood when I was reading one of those e - mail questionnaires that I get from time to time . The question was , " Did you have any imaginary friends ? " Whoa . Talk about opening a can of repressed worms . I thought back to my childhood and recalled ( and my mother is my witness ) that I had not one imaginary friend , but approximately eight . Even more strange , all of MY friends were male . I believe three of them were named Peter , Michael , and John . Two of those may have been twins . According to my mom , those guys were some of the first to come along and by all accounts , they were sweet , normal little boys . At least three of my friends were adult men . They were Tarzan , Ropeman , and Swingman . Yes , those are three separate people . ( Note to self : do not allow impressionable young four - year olds to repeatedly watch Tarzan . Especially the Bo Derek version . . . ) So apparently , in addition to surrounding myself with boys , I also enjoyed the company of scantily clad , well - built men . I don 't see any reason why my parents should have been concerned AT ALL . ( They weren 't . ) My mom also informs me that I hung out with this motley crew until I was at least six ! The more I think about this odd childhood inclination , however , the more I realize how it fits in with the rest of my life . I have never been boy crazy per se , but I think that instead , I rather viewed the opposite sex as amusing playthings to surround myself with . Not at all surprising , considering the crowd I " ran " with as a pre - schooler . In high school , most of my best friends were guys . I always enjoyed their laidback style . The fact that they may or may not have been slightly attracted to me probably helped as well . My friend Juan ( a real person , though not his real name ) says that he doesn 't think he can be friends with anyone that is not somehow attracted to him . I definitely think there 's some merit in that . My well - meaning objectification of men carried on into my freshman year of college . My roommate and I gave nicPosted by You know what ? When it comes to FHE , you 're darned if you do and you 're darned if you don 't . On Monday night , I thought it would be fun and festive to go to the corn maze at Thanksgiving Point for Family Night . We got there at around 6 : 30 . It was a gorgeous evening , not too cold , not too hot - - just the right amount of chilliness . Everything was going swell . I received $ 17 off our total ticket price with my season pass plus coupons , the kids were excited ( well , at least Mila was - - Ethan was a little skittish and insisted on being carried , ) and Halloween was in the air . Ben 's brother pointed out a sign that said " The MAZE will be haunted on Monday , Friday , and Saturdays . " I made sure to ask the cashier girl about this , who assured me that it was only haunted after dark , and even then not until eight , so we had PLENTY of time . Yeah , I know what you 're thinking : major red flag . But I was not going to let anything mess with my perfect plan . We headed into the maze , laughing and dancing to the music that was playing , all the while following our cute little " tiny tots " clues . We got through the first phase pretty quickly and started in on the second . I noticed it was getting darker but it was only seven , so no big deal . We were almost to the end when we came to a clearing with a tetherball . ( The maze had a Napoleon Dynamite theme - - of course . ) Because it was only 7 : 15 , I told Ben and his bro they should go ahead and play . Ethan , at last feeling comfortable and safe , finally allowed me to put him down . The guys were having fun , the kids were giggling , and I was capturing this wonderful family moment with my digital camera . I was trying to get Ethan to pose for a pic when I heard a revving sound that seemed to be getting closer . " That 's wierd , " I thought , " who the heck is allowed to ride a motorcycle in a corn maze ? " No sooner did this thought cross my mind , then a clown brandishing a chain saw burst into the clearing and descended on my paralyzed children . All I remember about what happened next is lots of running and lots Posted by How about a spooky blog for the Halloween season ? So , I have this recurring dream where someone is trying to get into my house . Do you know the dream I 'm talking about ? Where the intruder is trying to get in and you are running like crazy from door to door , locking each one just before the guy gets there ? Only there 's like forty doors in the house all of a sudden and so you 're like , " Oh crap , the front basement door ! Now the back basement door ! Aaah ! I forgot the secret passage door ! " And there 's always a few locks that get stuck for whatever reason , so you 're trying to get it to turn just as the you hear the guy breathing on the other side ! ( I guess it can be compared to the chick who always drops her keys when she 's trying to unlock her car door in the movies ) But I seriously have this dream all the time . So if anyone knows what it could mean , you have to let me know . Now for the twist . Two night ago when I had this particular dream , there were two interesting guest stars , if you will . First of all , I had a friend with me in the house , helping me lock all the doors . That friend was Ellen Degeneres . That fact in and of itself is not too wierd . I would like to hang out with Ellen , and I bet she 'd be a good person to have in a situation like that - - she could lighten the mood by telling a joke about door - to - door salesmen or something . As I recall , in my dream she was pretty calm and she seemed to remember all the doors I was forgetting . As for the intruder , he was none other than 80 's pop sensation George Michael . You guys , he was one scary dude ! ( Not to mention , a very fast runner . ) I was so freaked out in my dream because I couldn 't believe this guy I was in love with in elementary school wanted to kill me ! ( Even though I secretly thought he was just dying to get in because he was hot for me , as is usually the case when my vain subconscious is running the show ) And I felt kind of cheated , because if George Michael is going to be in my dream , even as a psychopath , couldn 't he at least be singing something while he 's Posted by Oh J . J . , how could you be so cruel ? We figured it was coming , but did you have to do it in the first hour of the new season , after we had waited patiently , devotedly , all summer long ? And Michael , why didn 't you wear your vest , why ? You never leave home without it . And why did you just stand there ? You can always find a hatch or a vent or a weapon . You 've cheated death hundreds of times before . For what ? To die so uneventfully ? And Sydney , why Ben Affleck , why ? Oh wait , never mind . Different blog . But I still blame Ben Affleck for everything . It 's just easier that way . I have a concern . Mila , my five - year old , is going through a phase . Not long ago , while we were working on her spotlight poster of favorites for school , I asked her if she wanted me to include a picture of her from Halloween because she loves it so much . She replied , " Mom , I loved Halloween when I was a little girl . Now that I 'm older , I love Christmas because it 's Jesus ' birthday . " " How precious , " I thought , as I patted myself on the back for being such a good parent . ( Hey , give me a break , I can 't feel totally insecure and frustrated all the time . ) Now , by itself , the above incident should indeed be classified as one of those moments I " have to write down . " However , put alongside the following incidents , I no doubt feel you will share my concern . 1 ) So , a few weeks went by and my friend Rachel and I were out walking with our kids . Rachel casually asked Mila what she wanted to be for Halloween . Mila said , " Well , I really don 't want to say because people might laugh at me . " I said , " Mila , you should probably tell me so I can assemble your costume . " " OK . . . I 'm going to be the Holy Ghost . " As I struggled to contort my face to have a perfectly normal look of curiosity on it , I asked , " Why do you want to be that ? " " Well , I just really want to tell people what these holidays are really about ! " 2 ) The next day was a Saturday and we were just driving in the car , going nowhere interesting . " Mom , are you thinking about the Last Supper ? " " Um , no . . . " " On Saturdays , you should think about the Last Supper , so you better start . " 3 ) The next day , Sunday , we were getting ready for church at noon and I was getting the kids snacks . I asked Mila what she wanted . " Just bread and water . " " Are you sure ? I 'm cutting up an apple . " " I 'm sure , I only want bread and water . " I didn 't even catch on until she was eating her bread and water and smiling secretly . I should have known ! 4 ) We were watching Prince of Egypt ( Mila 's choice ) and during the opening sequence , Mila started to " pretend " cry . " Oh you guys , I 'm just so happy because this movie is about Posted by He 's the first to laugh at my jokes , and the last to criticize my cooking . He 's the first to say I love you and the last to let go of a hug . He 's the first to say I 'm sorry and the last to judge my drama queen tantrums . He 's the first person I see in the morning and the last person I see before falling asleep . He 's handsome , funny , brilliant , patient , and loves the three of us more than anyone could measure or know . He 's 30 today . Happy Birthday , Baby . I love you . OK , so maybe I 'm just way too excited for the upcoming weeks , but I just want to take a moment to say thank you to whoever it is out there that invented Tivo ! Tivo is my best friend . ( So sad , but so true . ) I really cannot remember what my life was like before it . But I can guess that it was much more stressful , contentious , and productive ! Stressful because I had to miss so many shows when I had to be somewhere , contentious because I had to yell at my kids to get into bed before 8 or else , and productive because I couldn 't watch every show on the planet ! Seriously , though , how do people live without rewinding , fast forwarding and pausing stuff ? Nine times out of ten , I 'm too deaf to hear what someone just said - - now it 's just a rewind button away ! Before , I had to just say " Huh ? " and move on . I never even know what products are in stores these days , because commercials ? What are those ? I fast over ' em . And the pause button . I 'm in love . Gotta pee ? Need 2 minutes and 35 seconds to pop popcorn ? Two - year old creeping down the stairs ? No problem . There is one downside to being too accustomed to this Tivo lifestyle , however . I find myself trying to find the rewind button in my car on the radio , so I can hear a part of a song one more time . Crazy . So , technology people , that 's your next project . But overall , I 'm overwhelmed with gratitude . I 'd have to say that this feeling goes for most modern technology . Where would I be without it ? And what does the future have in store ? I can 't even imagine all the little toys that my spoiled kids and grandkids will " need . " I just know I 'm going to be that grandma some day who says things like , " When I was a kid , if we wanted to record something , we had to put this tape into this machine called a VCR . . . . " and " I know you kids have Ipods the size of a quarter now , but I got a Bananarama tape for Christmas once and I played it in my boombox , " or " The only computer game we played when I was a kid was moving this little triangle around that was supposed to be a turtle . " And then my grandkiPosted by Do you ever feel like your life is some real - life sitcom ? I know , it 's so cliche , but seriously , at some moments I feel like someone up there , maybe a departed loved one ( or enemy ) has popped some popcorn , taken the phone off the hook , and is all settled in to watch my " episode . " Episode is a great word , because it so perfectly sums up the fifteen minutes of trauma I endured this morning while trying to take Mila to school . Everything was lovely this morning at about 9 am . The sun was shining , we were both neatly groomed as we got into the car to leave for school . Mila was going to be spotlighted at school , so she looked very nice and I was holding her picture poster / collage we 'd worked on for three hours last night . We drove the two - minute drive to school and turned into the kindergarten drop - off circle , five minutes before school was supposed to start . Before I go any further , I need to mention that I hate people . Well , just people who don 't follow instructions . OK , so I hate people who don 't follow instructions whose kids go to Westfield Elementary in Highland . For those of you who aren 't familiar with drop - off circles , they are simply that . You pull in one end of the circle , drop off your kid , then pull out the other end . Nice and smooth . Sounds easy , right ? Well , some parents at Mila 's school seemed to have gotten together to figure out exactly the best way to turn the sweet , efficient drop - off circle into Dante 's seventh circle of hell , because that 's what it is . Instead of following the above procedure , these people commit heinous acts such as parking in the circle and disappearing into the school for mysterious amounts of time . Then some try to expedite the whole process by passing you up in some inner circle they 've created , just so their kid can be , like , ten seconds earlier than my kid . ' So , we were waiting our turn in the circle and I noticed lightning off in the distance . I was not worried as I was only four cars back and it was almost time for the line - up whistle . It took me a few minutes to realize thPosted by You guys , I totally have a confession . I think that my favorite thing about Mila being in school is that now I get those Scholastic book catalogs again . You do know what I 'm talking about , right ? If you don 't , maybe we shouldn 't even be hanging out . No , but seriously , Mila pulled out her flyer for the book fair along with the catalog and my mouth started watering , a knee - jerk reaction . Tonight , after I put my kids to bed , I actually popped some popcorn and sat at the table with the catalog for an hour ( the TV fall line - up needs to come now ! ) But , do you remember how exciting it was to order your books , completely forget about them , and then one day you walk into class and you go , " Wait a minute ! I smell new books - - are the Scholastic baggies here ? " Well , maybe it wasn 't quite like that , but I loved tearing open that bag and feeling and smelling those brand - new , albeit discounted , paper back books . I was very pleased to see that many of the same books that I used to read are all in there . But now they come in box sets , people ! Roald Dahl , Beverly Cleary ( refer to previous blog ) , The Chronicles of Narnia , they 're all there ! Plus some new ones that look equally compelling . After I finished thumbing through the catalog and marking my favorites with a pen , I exclaimed , " There are so many books in here that I want ! " Ben 's reply was , " For you or Mila ? " Dang . Was I that obvious ? " Uh , for Mila , of course . . . " ( Note to self : make sure Mila goes through said catalog tomorrow and is " gently persuaded " to mark the same books I did . ) It 's a good thing she is reading now or how else would I justify feeding my Scholastic book habit ? And where am I going to get the extra cash ? Those 1 . 95 books add up . Of course , now that I think about it , it might be a lot cheaper to just ransack my mom 's house for all my old books , but then A ) My mom would get mad at me for not leaving a literary future for my 5 - year old brother and B ) Hello ! They so do not have that new smell . Now it 's your turn to fess up . Does anyone else share this passion ? ( PPosted by As you know , we recently moved , and though there are few things that I can think of right now that are not hellish about the whole process , there is one redeeming factor . You have to go through tons of old stuff . OK , before I completely lose you , that is not the fun part . The fun part is that , while going through said old stuff , you occasionally stop and look at what you 're going through and you find little gems . Now usually , I stand in my basement chuckling to myself , but I thought , why not share my secret mirth with others ? Also , it is becoming apparent to me that the " precious " stuff in boxes that I am constantly moving and restoring serves only one purpose : to be looked at and chuckled at every two years like some sad old clown . So I thought I might give some of these poor box - doomed items fifteen minutes of blog glory . The first item I offer you is entitled The Ramona Quimby Diary , a little book that serves as a diary for little girls and also has the bonus of featuring little excerpts here and there from Beverly Cleary 's Ramona series . Now while I 'm sure it would be amusing to share some of those excerpts from those books here , this blog is about me so I 'm more interested in the little girl 's diary part , namely , my diary . There are lots of blank spaces in the diary to write your feelings . I guess I wasn 't interested in those , as they remain blank . My favorite parts were seemingly the questionnaires , and those are what I 'd like to share with you . The following are sample questions from the diary , along with my answers : ( my 28 - year old comments are in parentheses ) This is what I like about myself : how I can read and spell and draw , and that way I 'm almost the smartest kid in my class . And also make - up the best stories . ( Almost the smartest ? Dang . I wonder who was smartest . I also find it amusing that I did not " make up " the best stories , I just put " make - up " on them . ) I don 't like these things about myself : my length and my face . And how I 'm the oldest in my family because I have to set an example for my little bPosted by Hey , I have been in a horror movie , apparently . And not a very good one , by the looks of it . So , my brother - in - law instant messaged me the other day , " Nice , Hailey . . . " I responded with the usual , " Oh great ! What have I done now ? " He replied most unusually , " Why haven 't you ever told us about your horror flick ? " I was a little perplexed now , " Jake , please explain . . . " He instructed me to go to my name on imdb . com where I found , to my surprise , that I had , in fact , played the role of Martha in Urban Legends : Bloody Mary . This discovery was a bit unnerving . Who was this other Hailey Smith , and why was she trying to be me ? OR , even more disturbing , what if it was me , and I had no recollection of it ? Has anyone ever been abducted by aliens before and forced to make B - horror movies ? That would explain a lot , actually , about where they find their bad actors . So , for all I know , I am in Urban Legends : Bloody Mary , and for all I know , it 's a delightful little family film for all to enjoy . All I 'm sayin ' is I better not take any clothing off in it , that 's all I 'm sayin ' . Just FYI , I have submitted a complaint to the lovely people at imdb . com , but they have yet to make any changes , so you can still go to the website and see proof of my horror film debut . This reminds me , have you ever googled yourself ? If not , you should . It 's always fun to see what kinds of crazy things you 've been up to . Ben found out that he is a women 's hockey team coach , a drummer , a man who went on a killing spree , and my personal favorite , a fashion designer . He also found his real self , in a quote from espn . com and as a Provo Linux user ( that 's my little computer sports geek for you ) I appear most often in theater reviews written by the lovely Eric D . Snider ( love ya , man ) , and on horror film webpages ( thank you , some crew guy from Urban Legends ) I am also a member of various softball and dance teams and win lots of elementary school competitions . What a well - rounded person I am ! Ben and I just moved into a new house , new neighborhood , new ward , the whole she - bang . Well , this past Sunday I got this little weekly newsletter in Relief Society and they had listed names and addresses of new families in the ward , along with little " capsules " describing them . Next to our name it said , " Just moved in , and already landscaping . " Well , Ben and I spent a little while trying to figure out how one might read into that little gem of a statement . Here were some of our thoughts : " Who do you think you are , Smiths , putting in grass , when everyone else clearly has dirt . You think you 're better , do ya , skipping the year grace period ? " " The Smiths must have green thumbs - - landscaping and gardening must be their special talent . We should keep that in mind for future enrichment lessons . " In my mind , the most likely scenario is some poor woman sitting in front of her computer asking her husband , " Honey , who are the Smiths ? " He replies , " I don 't know , but I can see their house from here and some guy is planting a bush . " Don 't get me wrong , I think our new ward is swell , and I appreciate their effort to make us feel welcome . But I am just not quite comfortable with being associated with landscaping . I would have been much more satisfied if they had put " She looks like a snob and he 's pretty cocky , but dang , they have cute kids . " Welcome to my blog . Everyone 's doing it , ok ? And I just love the different reasons people have for having one . Some of my friends miss writing and so it 's great for them to flex those muscles . I have one friend who said she has one just so people will post comments . I 'm not quite sure why I want one , but I think it might just boil down to plain old peer pressure . My husband has one now , all my friends have theirs going strong , and for all I know , my 5 - year old daughter has one somewhere , simply called " Mila . " And her only entry says " momistackganapdad " because that 's what she instant messaged Ben last week when he was trying to get me , so I know she can write that much . The title of my blog comes from a family expression used to describe any sort of markings left on your skin when you , say , sit on the grass too long , or lie on the carpet , or make too tight of a fist and leave fingernail prints in your palm , you know . Well , when I was in high school , I fell asleep one night doing my trig homework and woke up feeling a strange sort of soreness on my backside . It turns out that I had fallen asleep on top of my calculator . After enduring the expected " princess and the pea " jibes from my family , I went to inspect myself and found that I , in fact , had a calculator imprint on my skin . Let me tell you , I have never lived that one down . It is my stepdad 's favorite story and he didn 't even join our family until four years after it occurred . So , since then , those little imprints are forever known in our family as " hailey tracks . " I think it was pretty much my mom 's way of keeping a part of me close after I moved away to college . Feel free to dub your own imprints hailey tracks . It 's not like those guys have another name . Oh also , I don 't know if it 's " cool " to have your own name in your blog title , but I like my name . I also feel bad that I offended my name once . I was little and I complained to my mom that I hated my name , and why hadn 't she named me something beautiful , like Elizabeth . She told me that I 'd thank her for it Posted by I live in Denver with my husband and four kids . I am a some time actress , singer , and improviser . I love food , TV , and my friends and family . I just try to be awesome enough to get through the day .
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My book light project wasn 't really as much about making a usable lamp as much as it was about learning how to work with certain materials . After buying a 5 meter roll of white LED lights for a bigger project , I wanted some simple lighting task to learn how to use them . I also had a partial sheet of 1 / 8 ″ acrylic ( Plexiglas ) that I wanted to do something with . The project proposal was inspired by something I saw on Instructables . ( At least I think it was there . I did a quick search and could not find it ) . I needed to hollow out a book then install the lights and acrylic sheet . That was the basics of the project . I also wanted to make a switch so that when the book opened it would automatically turn on the light . That switch mechanism is what delayed the project every time I got into it again . I got two books from a used book store that gives away books that they don 't feel have any resale value . I got two because my original plan was that I would practice on one and then I would make my final project from the nicer book . At this point , the second book light will never be made . I learned what I wanted from the project and don 't really plan to make the second one . I closed the book with wax paper between the front cover and the rest of the book so I could glue all the pages together . This kept the front cover free from the glue I was about to apply . I painted the edges of the book with Elmer 's glue to hold them together . I think I may have fanned the pages a bit to make sure I got glue in between the pages as much as was practical and not just on the edges ( I really don 't remember since it was well over a year ago that I started the project ) . While the book dried from the gluing , I pressed it down with other books on top . I wanted to make sure the pages didn 't wrinkle too much . I figured out how much margin I wanted to leave in the book and cut everything inside that line using an array of X - Acto knives and box cutters . The variety in blades was because I kept thinking that something would make the process easier and quicker . It is just a tedious process . You should not try to cut more than a few pages at a time . I painted the acrylic sheet with a frosted spray paint . I did this on both the inside and the outside of the acrylic . This helps to diffuse the lights and make a more even glow instead of seeing the harsh individual LEDs . I installed a little wooden strip on the inside of the hollowed out area to act as a platform for the Plexiglas . I used contact cement for this . Hot glue would have probably been sufficient . The wood needed to be about 1 / 8 ″ below the top of the book pages so that the acrylic sheet could sit flush with the pages . The LED strip has an adhesive back that helped me to attach it to the wood strips . However , I just used very rough scrap wood and did not think to sand the strips because they would not be seen . The problem with not sanding them is that the LED adhesive back did not stick too well . I had to hot glue some parts of the strip to the wood . The lights are 12V lights . With LED strips you have to be careful to make sure you have enough amperage to run the lights . However , since I am using such a small number of lights , I figure just about any 12V power supply that I have will be strong enough ( I really should do the math and find out ) . I have a box full of wall plugs ( or wall warts , or AC - DC power supplies ) . I found one with the right plug and had a positive center polarity . Because I was wiring this up myself I could have reversed the wiring if I needed . However , what seems to be standard in the maker world ( and is a standard in my personal construction ) is that the center pin of an electronics project should be positive polarity . By always doing it this way I never have to guess as to how I wired a project . But you must check your power supply because they aren 't always wired this way . Another seeming standard is the size of the plug and jack used in these types of projects . Unlike the commercial world where every manufacturer wants to have a different size plug and wiring standard , we use 5 . 5 mm plugs and jacks . Not the smallest , but easy to work with . Plus by using the same thing every time all you have to look for in your pile of power supplies is one with the right voltage . The main thing that held up my project is I wanted a certain type of switch . My desire was to have the light automatically turn on when the book was opened . When explaining my project to a friend he introduced me to a reed switch . This is one that is activated in the presence of a magnet . What I needed was a normally closed ( NC ) reed switch . The magnet would be on the cover of the book with the switch being near a metal plate under the diffused acrylic sheet . When the book was closed the magnet would stick to the metal plate and activate the switch . This activation of the switch would open the circuit and cause the light to go off . The normally closed reed switch allows the electricity to turn the lights on when the magnet was not close to it . But going back to one of the premises of the project - spend as little money as necessary - I quickly found that reed switches could be had for next to nothing or be very expensive . A normally open ( NO ) reed switch cost about a quarter each if you didn 't go for the bottom of the barrel ( the ones I bought were 11 cents each ) . But NC reed switches are about $ 2 each . I didn 't want to spend that much for a simple switch . So the project went on hold every time I started into it again because I could not get the switch mechanism the way I wanted it . There is a fairly simple way to make an NO switch act like an NC switch using a transistor , but , the way I understand it , it uses a little bit of electrical current to not turn on the lights . If the book is plugged in and not being used it is still draining electricity . I didn 't want to do that . Enter Maker Faire and my renewed interest . I dug through all the switches I have at the house and could not quite find what I needed . My friend who introduced me to reed switches said that he had an extra normally closed pushbutton left over from another project . It was much bigger than what I wanted , but I was able to make it fit the project . I needed more magnetic strength to close the book and push down the switch than what I had originally put into the book . So I replaced my metal closing plate with another magnet . However , because these were strong neodymium magnets , they were almost too strong to be able to open the book without tearing all the glue apart . Did you know you can demagnetize a magnet ? I found out through Google searching that you could heat a magnet and it would demagnetize it . This is because a magnet ( at least a neodymium magnet ) is made by heating the material inside a magnetic field . The hot molecules in the neodymium align to the polarity of the magnetic field . Keep the new magnet in the magnetic field as it cools off and those molecules are fixed in that North / South arrangement and you end up with a strong magnet . By heating the magnet outside of a magnetic field those molecule get all jumbled up and it is no longer a strong magnet . I assume this would work with any type of magnet , though you probably should not do it with rubbery craft magnets unless you like potential toxic materials filling your kitchen . My wife cooked my magnet with lunch . 450 degrees for 10 minutes did the trick . It was still magnetic but not nearly as strong . The book opens and closes very easily now but is still strong enough to push the plunger on the push button switch . I took my local librarian to the Maker Fair in Atlanta with me . She enjoyed all the different projects she saw . She went because she is interested in various STEAM programming that could be done in the library to attract young people . We have talked about me teaching various projects to kids at the library , but have not found the right project . We did know that we wanted to do something with soldering irons so the kids could learn that useful skill . I was hesitant to take a book that I butchered into the library to show it off . But when I showed it to the librarian last week she immediately knew that is what she wanted to do for our Teen Tech Week program coming up in a few months . And , as barbaric as it sounds , she volunteered to gather the needed books and cut out the pages . I guess she would rather have the kids wielding 350 degree hot pokers than using a bunch of box cutters . The purpose of this project was to be a learning experience . And it was . I learned that it is possible to weaken a magnet by heating it . I learned how to work with the LED light strips . I have even made another project since then using the LEDs - the tracing table that the book is sitting on when I took the pictures . I also learned that cutting out the guts of a book is harder than it looks . Though the switch isn 't what I originally planned , I learned that sometimes it is better to complete a project than to insist that it be a certain way and never be completed . Author dpeachPosted on October 24 , 2016October 24 , 2016Categories Books , Hacking / MakingLeave a comment on My Homemade Book Light My Love of Learning Did Not Begin Until After School Yesterday I heard a podcaster make the comment that " if you 're like me , your love of learning did not end just because you finished school . " I immediately thought , " well , I guess I am not like you . " Before I tell you how the Math Dude and I are different , let me talk about how some people 's love of learning has seemed to end . I know plenty of people who seem to have stopped learning because they graduated from high school or college . It is amazing - and sad - to me to see so many people who seem to have the attitude that because they are now out of school , they don 't need to learn anything else . Some even feel like they can 't learn anything new . All their learning took place in school as if it is required to have a classroom and a teacher to guide the learning process . " You can 't teach an old dog new tricks " is one of the worst attitudes that has permeated our society . I certainly understand that some things might get more difficult with age . But the majority of the time I hear this in relation to something that a person just doesn 't want to learn . Or , worse yet , is when the person is convinced that they can 't learn . How many times have you seen someone who sits at a computer all day but has never learned to type properly ? I don 't know that everyone needs to learn to type 100 WPM , but most people could do better than what they do . I have friends who use two or three fingers on each hand and claim that they do just fine with typing . They refuse to try to learn to type properly because " it will take too much time to learn the right way and I have real work to do . " , " I have my own way and it works for me . " , or " I 've tried it the right way and I can 't learn it . " Certainly there may be a better way to type than what we are taught in school . However , I think most typing curriculum is based in research . Using 8 - 10 fingers on the keyboard has to be more efficient than 4 - 6 . Yet , if you still think that your way is better I would love to read your scientific basis for that . I wouldn 't mind learning a new way to type if it is better . Over the years we will end up doing more and more typing , not less and less . I am all for a better way . I don 't think I was like the Math Dude who said his love of learning did not end after school . The truth is , I don 't think mine even started until I got out of college . I somewhat remember a time a couple of years after college that I discovered the wealth of knowledge contained in books . This was before the world had easy access to the Internet . It 's not that I didn 't have a thirst for knowledge in school , it was that I wanted so much more of some subjects and much less of others . I still don 't consider myself a lover of history , but give me a compelling historical account of an event and I will learn every detail there is to learn . I do remember in high school really enjoying physics , calculus and something called college math ( it seemed to be a primer on logic that used various math disciplines as the teaching tool ) . Enjoying those subjects and actually getting good grades were not necessarily synonymous . I also loved any statistic I could get my hands on concerning the Dallas Cowboys and the many great players we had through the 1980s . As often as I could , I would buy The Dallas Morning News from the gas station on the way home from school on Mondays . That gave me the best set of facts and figures from the weekend game . So I 've always had an intense desire to learn something , but I certainly didn 't enjoy school and having to study everything equally . I didn 't even enjoy college all that much . It was one of those things that I endured because it was the right thing for me to do . Don 't let your love of learning die just because you are no longer tortured by a teacher and a classroom . Find something to be curious about . I just can 't imagine going through life without any desire to learn something new . I see people who have lied to themselves about not being able to learn new skills or information and I have to wonder where the fun in life is for them . I may be missing something and they may have a curiosity that I never see , but people who are curious usually have trouble containing their curiosity when talking with others . Author dpeachPosted on August 17 , 2016August 17 , 2016Categories BooksTags curiosity , Dallas Cowboys , Football , learning , typingLeave a comment on My Love of Learning Did Not Begin Until After School When a Traditional Publisher Acts Like a Self - Publishing Company I always enjoy when I get a book recommendation by someone who knows what type of books I like . This happened a couple of months ago when my local librarian showed me a new book that the library just purchased . The book was not yet cataloged nor was it ready to lend , but she said that if I stopped by later that afternoon she would have it prepared for me . The book was The Internet of Things by Donald Norris . Though I hadn 't read much about IoT , nor anything by Donald Norris , I was still excited about getting the book . The subtitle of the book got me even more excited since I am a fan of the Raspberry Pi and becoming an Arduino aficionado : Do - It - Yourself at Home Projects for Arduino , Raspberry Pi and BeagleBone Black . I tried running the code and was surprised to find that it worked even though it wasn 't written correctly . Since PHP isn 't a language I know well , I decided to get some help in figuring this out . I sent off a message to my PHP friend and he confirmed that the code was not correct , but explained that the reason it still worked was because there was only one error of that type in the code . The server was smart enough to compensate for the mistake but would have failed had there been another one like that . I then continued to scan through the book not thinking that one error was that big of a deal . But I noticed - just 4 pages later - the text gave 2 different names for the same table when talking about setting up a database for a project . That particular section of the book asked the reader to manually create database tables from the command line in MySQL . If that last sentence didn 't make sense to you then you probably understand that this was harder than normal people usually deal with . Yet the book seemed to be written for normal people . Because there were two different names for the same table , there was no way for the reader to accomplish the task of setting up a working database the way the text expected . This was on page 29 of a 352 page book . If the book had many more errors like this then it would be unusable … At this point I started looking for errors . Since it was a library book , I used sticky notes to mark my findings . From page 25 to 201 ( a little more than half the book ) , I ended up with 46 sticky notes pointing out mistakes that I found . The vast majority of them were editing and formatting errors . Because it is a technical book , many of the errors were not the kind that could be easily caught by a proofreader , but there were a good handful of those too . This book is published by TAB , an imprint of McGraw - Hill . A month or so previous to this incident I had pointed out a couple of minor mistakes in another McGraw - Hill / TAB book ( Hacking Electronics ) to my librarian . Though nothing was too egregious with Hacking Electronics , I told her when I returned the book that I had previously noticed a few mistakes in other TAB books . When I brought The Internet of Things book to show her my findings I also grabbed Hacking Electronics from the shelf . My librarian was eager to know what I thought about the new book . That is , until she saw that I was also carrying Hacking Electronics . She remembered my complaint about that book and knew immediately that the new book probably had mistakes in it too . She began flipping through the book to look at my colorful sticky notes . On the first page of the first chapter she saw a style error that I had not even seen . With an average of one mistake every 3 . 8 pages that I found , it did not surprise me that she caught one immediately . I contacted McGraw - Hill and asked if there were any corrections submitted for the book . I was put in touch with a senior editor for the division . He said that nothing had been submitted for the book . Unfortunately , McGraw - Hill does not have a system in place for the public to submit corrections like O ' Reilly does . I told the editor that I had found some mistakes in the material and said I was disappointed in the quality of the book . He was kind ( or at least diplomatic ) , and asked me for some examples of the problems so that he could ask the author about them . My level of disappointment reached a new low at that comment . In my mind , not a single one of the errors I found were author errors . The way traditional publishing companies work , at least as I understand them , is that the author submits the material and an editor works with them to make the material better . The few frustrations that I had with the author were because of comments like , " I showed you the right way to do this in chapter 2 , but I already have this example written this way , so you modify my code to do it the right way that I showed you . " That came from page 150 of the book . ( Not a direct quote but the same sentiment ) . While I don 't like that the author said that , an editor is the one who should have slapped the author and said , " Don 't be lazy ! Fix it yourself ! " It is an editor 's job to find problems like that and tell the author to do better . Therefore , I still don 't see that as anything that the author should have to fix . He doesn 't know the problem exists . He is too close to the work . An editor is the one who is supposed to catch problems like that . In response to the editor who said that he would take some examples and pass them along to the author , I told him I didn 't think that the problem were author problems . I was glad to provide some examples , but the examples were more formatting , editing and proofreading errors . I did not give him the example from page 59 where the author told the reader to write their code properly . I wanted to emphasize that , in my opinion , the problem was a McGraw - Hill / TAB problem , not an author problem . Then there are the many places where formatting is not consistent in the book . The book uses mono spaced text for code examples , but several places there is normal text within the code that will break the code if put into a program . Those lines should be normal text or set off from the code as comments . In the whole time I communicated with their editor , I felt like I had a listening ear . However , he kept insisting he would talk to the author about the things I found . Without trying to be too unkind I told the editor that I didn 't think the author was responsible for the majority of the errors , " unless McGraw - Hill / TAB is a self - publishing platform and the author is responsible for doing his own editing and layout work . " After that comment I didn 't hear from the editor for another month until after I sent 2 more emails asking if the line of communication was still open . At this point I think I have reached the end of what I can do with my contact at McGraw - Hill . I really want them to continue to put out books on subjects like this . This is the kind of book that gets me excited to go to my library . But , if technical books , from a publishing house that is a major player in textbooks , have so many errors in them that the information is not usable , then I am not sure I want to read them . I know it sounds like I am being nit - picky about the book , but I really never even fully read it and I found all these mistakes . I only skimmed through looking for things that caught my eye or sounded interesting to read . There were huge sections of code that I completely overlooked because they were in languages that I didn 't know . So unless I was actually trying to do the project , I didn 't need to try to understand how it worked . The thing that bothers me most about all of this is that my library has been given no assurance that they can confidently buy a McGraw - Hill / TAB book that will be better edited in the future ( an assurance I asked the editor to give me on several occasions ) . I also don 't feel like I got anywhere with the publisher . As I said , the editor I talked to was kind , but his responses were very political . There was no commitment to assuring me that this was a one - time case . Author dpeachPosted on March 16 , 2016March 17 , 2016Categories BooksLeave a comment on When a Traditional Publisher Acts Like a Self - Publishing Company " You Should Try More Fiction " I really like our new public library and have always enjoyed the workers there ( as opposed to the other local library where I have never heard anyone say anything nice about the workers ) . Of course our conversation is always about books we 've read , are reading , or want to read . Admittedly I probably read more non - fiction than the average person . Knowing that the ladies at the library find some of what I read to be very boring , I intentionally mentioned that I just started reading a 500 - page book on how to program computer chips at a low level without the need to load an operating system on them . That prompted one of the ladies to comment , " You should try to read more fiction . I think you would really enjoy it . " Her comment wasn 't unkind , but it wasn 't in jest either . The implication was that I don 't enjoy reading what I read . Of the 66 books I 've read so far this year , I did read 1 fiction book . I didn 't enjoy it . It wasn 't poorly written , but it wasn 't the kind of story I like . It was recommended by one of the librarians . She suggested another book to try . I tried . But there was too much raw language in the first few pages that I really didn 't think I wanted to read any more . Author dpeachPosted on December 26 , 2015Categories BooksTags BooksLeave a comment on " You Should Try More Fiction " 2014 Reading Summary : Fiction I am not much of a fiction reader . In fact , I was surprised to find out that I read 4 fiction books this year . Then I remembered the reading challenge we have at our library each year . Two of the fiction books I read this year were for the library contest . The other two were more research type books for me . I had read about Will Eisner 's book , Comics and Sequential Art , and wanted to know more about him . I was not impressed with his subject matter , but he did a good job with communicating through pictures and text . One thing about his work that I was impressed with was his use of text as pictures . Going Postal was clever and weird . The book was mostly good . It seemed that the author did a good job of not using profanity ( which seems to bother me much more when I read it than when I hear it ) in the first part of the book . He got around profanity by making up his own humorous words that conveyed a strong emotion but didn 't mean anything . But towards the end of the book he let it all out . Because of this , I 'm not interested in reading another book by him . The Contract With God ( also by Eisner ) was not worth flipping through . Because of the content I can 't recommend it in any way . And , furthermore , I am never interested in looking at another Eisner book . I did read Comics and Sequential Art later in the year . I should have just stuck with the two excellent Scott McCloud books about visual communication ( Understanding Comics and Making Comics ) . He said everything Eisner said in a much more understandable and less offensive way . I did a review of the book Making Comics a few years ago . About My Thought Spot This is my ADD interest of the moment , to write a blog . You will find various writings here from running to salesmen . And maybe something about running salesmen .
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My sweet girl , I cannot begin to put into words all the thoughts on my heart this morning . Your dad and I are beyond excited to finally meet you . I wonder who you 'll look like and if you 'll be a sleepyhead like both of us . I can 't believe that in less than 36 hrs ( hopefully ) we 'll have all the answers to those questions . Will you have any hair , will your eyes sparkle blue , how much will you weigh . . . etc . We 've cried so many tears , praying that one day we 'd be blessed with a baby . Praying each night together that we 'd get to be parents . And now , sweet girl , you 'll soon be ours , and every tear will be worth a million more . Please come soon . . . . we 're ready . Well , in case you haven 't heard . . . tomorrow is the day . I 'll be arriving at the hospital at 6 : 30 am to be induced on Tuesday ! We 're excited , nervous , and scared all at once ! We had an appt on Friday and I was dilated 1 - 2 cm & 100 % effaced at that time . I was really hoping something would happen this weekend on its own , but alas , here I sit at work still . I haven 't slept for 2 nights , mostly nerves I think . So I 'm heading home at 1 / 2 day to rest for a little bit because I 'm sure I won 't sleep tonight and I 'll need my energy tomorrow . I can 't wrap my mind around the fact that in 36 hrs ( give or take ) we 'll be holding our sweet girl in our arms . What an answered prayer ! I 'll try to post a new blog when possible , but you 'll likely catch a better update on Facebook ! I promise to update soon with pictures . I 'm hoping that we finish up the nursery decorations tonight and putting stuff away so I might actually be able to post those pictures along with an updated belly shot . Pretty much if you 've been to SeaWorld . . . . well , that 's a good vision on what I feel like right now . I 've had dozens of people comment on how tiny I am for 37 weeks , so I guess I should feel blessed to not have one of those watermelon bellies and feet that look sausages ! Overall , though , really , things are going fabulously and we 're just buying time until Little Miss decides to be an arrival . Friends of Trenton 's just had their little girl a week late today and another friend is having her little boy a month early today , so I 'm not going to try to out guess her at all . . . . She 'll be here whenever she ( or the doctor ) decides ! I think I 'm starting to freak out a little bit about the whole almost there thing . Do you see that countdown on the right ? It says 46 days . Give or take a few . That is impossible . I lay awake at night thinking things like , what if the name we have picked out doesn 't sound right ? Should we change it ? What if I can 't breastfeed , do I have a formula on hand for back up ? If so , what one ? Will she be warm enough in the pram that I have for a winter coat ? What if we get snowed / stuck in the house and I need something for her ? What if we 're simply just not good at being parents ? What if that maternal instinct , doesn 't kick in for me ? People keep asking me what kind of diapers and wipes I want . . . I don 't know , I don 't have a baby to try them on yet . I know this kind works for you , but what if it gives my girl a rash . So I just say , you pick and we 'll hope for the best . I 'm trying to be laid back about figuring things out as we go , but the more questions people ask me about things I don 't know yet , the more I 'm starting to feel like the kid that needs the cheat sheet to pass the test . I 'm open for all kinds advice . Then I think about other stupid stuff , like " Trenton , yes , I know it 's 3 : 15 in the morning , but do you think James would come look at the light in the basement and why it won 't work ? " OR " I really want to get that spare bed set up in the basement tomorrow " . Granted , most nights , I 've refrained from waking him up and just lay there with my mental list until morning . I feel like I 'm becoming the grouchy pregnant lady because I 'm not sleeping and other people 's demands just put more pressure on the never - ending list of things I feel like I need to get done first . I 'm feeling the pressure of the whole holiday schedule and be here at this time and there at that time and so and so wants to have Thanksgiving on this day . I know part of that is the unknown of when she will come , so I don 't feel like we have any 100 % definite plan of how our time will be spent from Thanksgiving to Christmas . If she 's 2 weeks early , helloPosted by I 'm a little late on the pictures this week as Saturday was technically 32 and I 'm closer to 33 now . But the picture was taken on Monday , so I guess close counts right ? Our appt went well last week and we 'll go again next Friday . I will be doing non - stress tests to monitor her just because Dr . T wants to make sure she 's doing ok . Blood pressure continues to be excellent and I actually lost a couple pounds after the previous pile on ! Overall , we 're getting very VERY excited ! The lovely and thoughtful BUNCO babes surprised me with a shower at our October Bunco and it was fantastic ( especially since it was already at my house , which meant I didn 't have to pack things home ! ! ) I promise to get pictures from Jenn of our gifts ! We were very humbled by the graciousness of our friends and already feel the overwhelming love for our Little Miss . This is not the most flattering of pictures . Please excuse no makeup and the fact that I hadn 't really combed my hair yet . I bought that sweater over the weekend and was totally digging it . . . . then I put it on Monday morning , wore it for about 5 minutes and changed not too long after taking the picture . My belly is still mostly just 2 fat rolls sticking farther and farther out , but whatever , it is what it is and fat rolls or not , there 's a healthy little girl inside ! And as a comparison Well , we had our last monthly appt on Friday , October 1st . Everything seems to be going just swimmingly . My blood pressure continues to be good , running on the low side . The only problem with that has been episodes of lightheadedness , but nothing major . I am having SEVERE leg cramps and restless legs . Dr . Tobler suggested that I start taking a magnesium supplement to see if we could relieve some of the pain . Not only do they hurt super bad , but they are also causing me to loose quite a bit of sleep . We will start our bi - weekly appts on the 15th . It doesn 't seem possible that will be our 32 wk appt . We will have another ultrasound that day because he wants to check my fluid level and her measurements as I was measuring between 31 1 / 2 - 32 wks at the 30 wks checkup . Nothing major , I 'm sure , but it definitely explains why I feel huge , my pants don 't fit , and I 've gained more weight in a month than I had altogether ! I 'm excited to see her again and am hoping this will relieve some of the burning desire to get her here ! I 'm starting to get to the uncomfortable stage . Mostly at night . Sleep seems to allude me most nights , but I 'm able to catch a few naps during the week to keep up . We have the nursery ready other than hanging stuff on the walls and curtains . I can 't find dark wooden curtain rods anywhere ! I had curtains bought , but they were the wrong size ! One wall will have her name on it , so it will be blank until she gets here . I 'm starting to get very anxious about bringing a new baby home in the midst of the holiday chaos . It 's hard to plan the holidays not knowing when exactly she will make her debut ! Here 's a few pictures of my expanding belly . I 'll save you the nightmare of a bare belly and keep it covered for public viewing ! This was 9 / 15 at approximately 27 1 / 2 weeks . and this is today at approximately 30 1 / 2 wks . Side by side comparison . Not much change so far , just a lot of fluff ! 99 . . . . . that 's how many days until my due date ! I never thought it would get here . It 's odd . At first we were counting how many days we 'd been pregnant . 5w4d , 8w2d . . . 14w2d was 100 days of being pregnant . Now here we are at 99 days left until we get to meet her and we 've started counting down . What a strange turn of events . 26 weeks tomorrow . I feel like my belly actually looks pregnant instead of just fat , so maybe I 'll start some belly pics even though most of you see me frequently . . . . 99 . . . wow . . . I had great intentions of blog journaling throughout this pregnancy and documenting all the milestones . . . and that hasn 't happened . I 'm gonna do a little catch up and pray that now that school is back in full swing , I can update a little more these next three months ! This is our sweet baby girl ! We went on July 19th for an u / s and were told that they " thought " it was a girl . We were both over the moon , but were hoping for a 100 % shot so we could start planning . We were a little disappointed with the tech and by the fact that we didn 't get a 3 - d u / s . But , we went for our monthly doctor appt on my birthday , July 27th . Everything was going great , however , the u / s showed that my amniotic fluid was low , which was the reason they couldn 't do the 3 - d . He wanted to check my fluid level again and ordered another u / s . So we went back on August 4th at 21weeks 4days and were able to see clearly that she is definitely a girl ! She was moving to much to get any real clear pictures , but the tech was able to capture the one above of her face . She has her mouth wide open and was getting ready to put her hand in there . I was amazed and fascinated that she looks like a real little person . I cried and laughed and giggled at her silly movements . She would grab at her feet , then put her hands over her face , put her fingers up her nose , etc . Quite the personality already I would say ! Things have been progressing well and the time is ticking quickly . I 'm beyond excited for her to get here and be able to hold her , but at the same time there is so much to do ! And I 'm starting to freak out about actually being competent enough to care for her . We had our August monthly appt yesterday . All external measurements are right on . And even though I can 't fit into a single pair of pants , I 've only gained a little over 9 lbs . Her heart was just a beating away . I passed my 3 hr . glucose tolerance test with flying colors and my blood pressure is actually staying on the rather low side at 93 / 60 . I haven 't had any major swelling issues other than my fingePosted by Dear Baby , Will you ever know just how much you are wanted ? I 'm feeling quite sentimental this morning . Reflecting on the long road we have traveled waiting for you to come into our lives . I know we still have several months before we meet , but I wonder if we 'll ever be able to show you just how loved and wanted you are ? So many prayers have been sent to God for you , so many tears cried , and dreams dreamed . Can you feel that love ? Do you already know how badly we long to hold you in our arms ? Oh , the dreams I have for you . To be happy and healthy . To be generous and giving . To have a tender heart like your mom and a know no stranger personality like your dad . To know the meaning of hard work and earning what you have . In a little over a week , we will know if you are coming to us as a beautiful little girl or a handsome little boy . Several people have asked us which we 'd prefer . I just want you to know right now , that either way , you will be perfect to us . Boy or girl , we don 't care , as long as you are ours in a few more months . With 10 little fingers and 10 little toes . Stay snugged in tight and keep growing for now sweet baby and we 'll keep praying for you out here ! Dear Baby , Although I cannot see you , I still know you are there . You are warm and snug inside me , and require gentle care . Although I cannot hold you , or give you a hug goodnight . I feel you move inside me and know that you are alright . Although I cannot kiss you , or show you how I feel . I know you share my feelings and that our bond is real . . . . . . you are with me all the time and always on my mind . Already I have fallen in love with my precious gift from up above . So this whole " pregnancy brain " thing . I always that it was somewhat of a " myth " . Until , I forgot to make my husband 's truck payment , I went to work with 2 non - matching flip flops , and several other crazy things that have come out of my mouth . For instance , on Saturday , we decided to lay down for a bit and rest . I had already fallen asleep on the couch for a few minutes , so we just moved in to the bed . Trenton was watching the soccer game and I was slipping into nap time . I was only half listening to the announcer on TV and in my defense still kinda in that sleep state . I swear the announcer said , " if this team wants to win , they 're really going to need testicle keepers " . . . . . . Now what they really said , was " if this team wants to win , they 're really going to need to test the goal keeper " . I sat up in bed and asked Trenton if I heard what I thought I did . Of course , he bust into hysterical laughter and has been teasing me about " testicle keepers " every since . They tell me this whole fuzzy brained thinking gets worse ? If that 's true , I 'm not sure what kinda shape I 'll be in come December . Kinda of a repeat from FB . But I wanted to jot down the info from today 's appt for journaling purposes ! We had our June appt today . HB 150 . My blood pressure is excellent and I only gained a pound since last month , which I contribute to the heavy pants I have on instead of the capris I wore last month . I will be discontinuing the glucophage that we were taking , but have a dietary consult to follow a diabetic diet . He feels more comfortable taking a natural approach to the insulin issues instead of continuing the meds at this point . He 's not labeling me with gestational diabetes , but said I am at a higher risk because of my need for the glucophage prior to getting pregnant . I 'll do bi - weekly blood sugar checks and hopefully keep things in check from there . If the diet isn 't regulating it enough , we 'll turn to insulin shots . In all honesty , it 's going to be hard work , but I would much rather be a little stricter about what I 'm eating and balancing my diet than I would give myself shots everyday : ( boo ! I 'm grateful though that my cravings so far have been for whole foods & fruits / veggies . Carbs have already been a total turn off for me , so I feel like we 've altered our diet already because of that . I 'm not at the point where I have to totally go all out hard core , but prevention is the key ! We will go JULY 19th for our gender scan ! ! ! ! ! I 'm so excited ! That 's only a little under 3 weeks away ! I had hoped to wait until my bday on July 27th for the gender scan just because I thought that would make it extra special , but he wants to see us in office that week and wants the u / s done earlier than that . So , aww shucks , we have to find out sooner ! I just hate that ! I know these next few weeks will drag on because we 're looking forward to it so much . I have moments of panic about actually having a baby and bringing it home . I think I just got to the mindset that I wasn 't really sure we would ever actually get to that stage . We were very confident in our decision to start a family , but after having so much trouble , you put the Posted by Trenton & I have been keeping a very big secret until recently . We found out on Easter Sunday that we were expecting . I asked God for a sign that day that things would be ok . . . 15 minutes later , this was in the sky . . . So we waited . . . and waited . . . and had blood drawn and more blood . And finally at 6W3D we were able to see this . . . We had a fabulous u / s tech , who zoomed in for a heartbeat right away and found one beating at a perfect 111 . We were measuring at 6W1D - so right on target for the most part . I was so surprised that she let us see the screen right away because usually they do their thing first , but she said as bad as I was shaking she could tell we were very NERVOUS and wanted to put us at ease . I burst into tears at the sound of that beautiful noise and didn 't stop crying the whole time ! At this point , we were having none of the problems we had previously had . The u / s looked great and the doctor made an appt for a little over 5 weeks later . May 29th felt like it would NEVER get here . I was so nervous and anxious I seriously thought I was going to lose my mind . In the meantime , between driving my husband crazy over every single little twinge and pull , I started to have morning sickness . . . and afternoon sickness . . . and evening sickness . Not horribly bad , but enough where I was definitely ill 3 / 4 of the time . As the school year was wrapping up , my brain had completely shut down . Laundry and cooking dinner were replaced by 2 - 3 hour naps and this gal was in bed by 8 - 9 pm . I had never experienced any of this with the other pregnancies , so we were hoping this was a positive sign . To try and explain the emotions that we went through in those 5 weeks , would be impossible . I have never prayed so hard in my entire life . Mostly , we just prayed for God 's will and for us to be at peace no matter the outcome . We wanted to shout it from the rooftops , but at the same time , we were so apprehensive that something would go wrong , we just couldn 't say anything . May 29th finally arrived . I went fairly confident into this u / s . Why I 'm Posted by I love this pic ! They are two of the best parents anyone could ask for ! They celebrated 12 years together yesterday . I 'm a bad daughter and forgot to wish them Happy Anniversary until they reminded me . . . but in all fairness , I had remembered , just ask Trenton . I had just forgotten to tell them in the chaos of the funeral . I 'm sad . I have a lot to be celebrating right now . I really do . Spring is alive all around us and the darkness of winter has passed leaving bright colors , crisp air , and beautiful babies everywhere . But I 'm sad because today , I should be celebrating a 1st birthday . One year ago today is the day that our baby from the very first pregnancy should have been born . We have milestones from the other two miscarriages that I remember , but none hit me like this day has the last 2 years . I don 't know if it 's because we saw a heartbeat with this little one or if it 's just that it was the first so I was naive and had already began dreaming of the life this little one would lead . With the 2nd and 3rd , we were so jaded that we didn 't even let ourselves be excited or dream . I know we will be celebrating again soon . Believe me , I know ! But for today , I 'm going to be a little sad . Also , please keep my Papa John in your prayers . I just got word this morning that my Grandma Maridee passed away in her sleep last night . I say Papa & Grandma , but they are technically my aunt and uncle . Papa John is my dad 's brother , but because of the age difference in my parents most of my aunts and uncles are more grandparent age . Papa John just recently found out he has cancer and I 'm afraid this will be too much for him to handle . They were such a big part of my childhood and it 's hard too accept that one of them is gone and the other one is very ill . They lived over the hill from us and I fondly remember several days & evenings spent at their house . Of 12 children in my dad 's family , only 2 aunts and 2 uncles remain . Sometimes , I feel like my link to my dad is slowly dying and fading away . I know I have cousins to help relive memories , but again they are all older and have different memories than I do , because by the time I was born , they were all grown with children of their own . Sorry to be such a downer today . . . . . on the plus side , it 's Earth Day and we 're picking up trash today . . . . yippee ! ! ! This post is for Jenn . Just wanted to show that they don 't look like little rats anymore . I think they are quite adorable ! I 've become quite smitten with the little punks . They 're probably the most feisty bunch we 've had yet . They 've got attitude ! I took this pic last weekend but couldn 't get it to post . Nothing says spring like a quick rain and a rainbow to follow . . . . absolutely gorgeous ! Posted by Look what arrived at our house sometime between last night and this morning ! I haven 't got to see them yet , but I 'm excited to bust outta this place and go snuggle some puppies . There are 3 . Apparently , there were 4 but one little guy didn 't make it : ( Posted by I have had an excruiating headache everyday , all day , for the last 2 weeks straight . It started 2 days before I got the brace off on the right side of my neck and extends up the right side of my head . It 's gotten bad enough that at times , I have blurred vision in that right eye . I asked the doctor about it the day I got the brace off and he said it would probably go away . Or not . After no relief , regardless of the medicinal treatment . . . . I made an appt with a reflexologist here in Memphis on a recommendation from Rhonda . Now , I 'm all about a good massage . Sign me up any day . But I was a little leery of the actual benefits of reflexology . Let me tell you , after my hour appt with the wonderful Mennonite lady yesterday . . . I 'm a believer . I don 't really care if you tell me the whole pressure point / total body connection is all in my head or not . I went in with a headache , and left without one . I haven 't had one since , knock on wood . Now my neck is sore from the deep tissue massage part , but I 'll take sore over blinding pain ANY DAY ! ! First , it was better , like 10 times better , than any massage I 've ever had . And second , it was only 25 bucks ! Seriously . Walked in a 8 : 59 and out at 10 : 06 . Spent 5 minutes filling out some paperwork and the rest of the time seriously working out some major muscular issues . I 'm going back next Tuesday for a follow - up and may become a regular . It sure beats the prescription headache meds and sleepless nights . I slept like a baby last night ! Thoughts ? Feelings ? Anyone else ever have it done before ? Any one tried the herbal remedies or anything other than tylenol , chiro , etc route . . . ? So I 've been on a quest to make the Burger King Mocha Joe 's at home for quite sometime now . I didn 't want them to be quite so sweet , but also didn 't want the hassle of dragging my blender out every morning . We drink decaf coffee ( by we , I mean mostly Trenton and occassionally , myself ) . We probably only make coffee once a week . I love me a good iced mocha frap though . . . . and guess what I stumbled upon yesterday ? ? ? The world 's easiest recipe . In a mason jar , nonetheless ! Here 's the recipe : Mocha Frap in a Mason Jar - Noshings @ Tasty KitchenIngredients •¾ cups Brewed Strong Coffee , Room Temperature •¾ cups Milk • 1 package Sweetener , A Single Serve Packet , Your Choice • 2 Tablespoons Chocolate Syrup • 2 Tablespoons Liquid Coffee Creamer , Your Flavor Of Choice • 3 whole Ice CubesPreparation InstructionsIn a 16 oz . Mason jar , put all your ingredients followed with the ice cubes . Put the lid and ring on and shake , shake , shake ! Taste it . Does it need a little more sweetener ? I don 't like mine horribly sweet , so I stick with one packet of Splenda . The creamer and chocolate syrup add the rest of the sugar to sweeten . As for the creamer , I used Coffeemate Italian Sweet Cream . It 's nondescript , sweet and creamy and lets the coffee and chocolate shine through . But , if you like hazelnut or coconut cream , go for it ! At this point , you can drink it right out of the jar or pour it over crushed ice and top with whipped cream and drizzle more chocolate for an authentic coffee house experience . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Here 's what I changed : I did not add sweetner . I thought the chocolate syrup would be enough . It was for me . I did add a little extra syrup . I add a few more ice cubes because I wasn 't going to be able to pour it over crushed ice . I used Coffee - Mate Peppermint Mocha for my liquid creamer . Shake , rattle , and you 're ready to drink . I took the lid off , stuck in a straw , and managed to not spill a drop on the way to work ! Delicious ! Next time , I 'm going to purposefully make my coffee a little stronger . I just used whatPosted by I went to the women 's conference at LCC on Saturday . I originally thought I wanted to go , but then wavered . Janice emailed me and asked if I would take pictures . I agreed , but then came down with this stupid cold . Amee , Sarah , & Mandie decided to go shopping and I really wanted to go . I was a bit resentful that I was committed to the Women 's conference . I woke up Saturday morning with a fever , sore throat , and stuffy nose . I almost cancelled . But then , I started feeling ok , and figured I better go and not back out on picture taking . . . . and let me tell you . . . . . . . . IT WAS WORTH IT ! I 'll have to explain more in another post . But seriously , it was a blessing and I definitely know it was God 's handiwork that led me there that day even though I was hesitant . I was exactly where I needed to be , hearing exactly what I needed to be hearing . I was reading an infertility blog a bit ago and she was talking about how infertility had become her way of ministering to others . Which is what I feel I 've been called to do . But then she said something that struck something deep inside . She said , " I do not want that to be my ministry . " Exactly . I 'm just being real . It 's selfish , I know . But I don 't want to be on this journey . For a moment , I thought I don 't want the experiences I have had on this journey . The pain , physical and mental . The anxiety that comes with a positive test now . The heartache I see each month in my husband 's eyes . The bitterness that sometimes creeps in . I just want a baby . I 'm saddened by my husband 's fading faith . I wish God didn 't trust us so much . I wish He didn 't feel like we were a couple who could handle this . But then , I thought . How would I have been able to feel the compassion I feel for someone who is struggling through the same thing without walking in their shoes ? Would I rather this was happening to a friend than to me ? Of course not . Would I really want to trade the way my faith has grown on this journey ? Would I trade the way I can see inside my husband 's heart through his eyes because I 've seen the joy , pain , heartache , frustration , anger there over the past 2 1 / 2 years . Not on your life . I guess the best way to end this is just to ask that you all pray for us as we 're on this reluctant journey . Pray for our hearts , our bodies , our minds , and help us to see what God has planned in the bigger picture for us and pray that someday we 'll get that take home baby we so very much dream of . Seriously , could it be any colder ? Don 't answer that , I don 't even want to know . Where is the sun ? I need the snow to be melted b / c I 'm tired of worrying about slipping and falling . I 'm tired of my stupid socks getting wet walking in to the car . It annoys me to no end to have the bottoms of my pants legs wet from snow . Could I wear snow boots , yes , but I 'm over that . I 'm ready for flip flops and capris . In other news , we ( I ) go back to the doctor on the 25th for a follow - up and will hopefully be removing this dreadful brace then . At the last appt , everything appeared to be healing fine . I was still having pain , numbness , heaviness in my left arm , but that too , has markedly improved since last week . Hopefully , in two weeks time the only thing I 'll have left to heal is the lovely scar on my head ! I 'm ready to be back to normal . Back to driving , for sure . It stinks to have a brand new vehicle and have to either watch it sit in the drive or always be the passenger . CAN ' T WAIT to drive that thing ! ! I 'm excited for Valentine 's day . We bought tickets to the Whitetail 's Banquet on the 13th so we will be celebrating a day early by attending that . On Sunday , I will be cooking at home , which has been our tradition for the past 5 years . I 'm not sure what I will make yet . Last year , it was prime rib . The year before was seafood fettucine . Hmmm . . . . . suggestions ? ? We 're going to wait to go out and celebrate on the 25th on the way home from Columbia . We received an very generous Christmas gift of a GC to the Pear Tree . We 've been dying to use it , but I refused to go with this dumb brace on because I don 't have 1 / 2 the appetite as usual b / c I spend so much time fighting the brace . HA ! I want to be in prime condition for the Pear Tree . Plus , after 8 weeks in the stinkin ' thing , I think I 've earned a celebration dinner for surviving ! LOL ! : ) We 're planning a weekend getaway in March for 2 . Not so much for Valentine 's Day , but I want to take my hubs somewhere to show him how much I appreciate EVERYTHING he 's done for me since the accPosted by Two post in two days . . . wow ! So question for those of you reading . . . what do you do with the Christmas card pictures that you get from people ? Most " cards " I just toss ( ok , actually , I stack them up and move them around for a few months b / c I have packrat issues before I finally get fed up and throw them away ) . But obviously , I don 't want to throw away these pictures . What creative things do you do with them ? Do I get an album ? Last year . . . I adorned the frig with them , but that just doesn 't work for me b / c they kept falling down , they rolled up from the heat vent , etc . So I need ideas ? ? ? So , I 'm hoping to make a comeback from my recent blogger hiatus . I mean I do have a lot of time on my hands as of late . . . I 'm on the road to recovery . For those of you ( all 2 readers that I might still have ) that don 't know , I was in a rollover accident on December 30th outside of Glenwood . My sister , Kayla , was with me . I was driving , road was slick , brakes locked up . I failed stunt driving 101 , which resulted in a totaled Trailblazer and a very intense ambulance ride for Kate and I to the local hospital . I was transferred to University of Missouri by ambulance . End result : Kayla with 3 stitches in her hand , and me on a backboard for 9 awesome hours . 2 days later I left the hospital in a love / hate relationship with a back / neck brace b / c I have a compression fracture at the T3 vertebrae and a fracture of the C6 vertebrae . As of now , the brace is an adornment until the end of February . Since my release , I 've been catching up on Regis & Kelly , Ellen , & The View . Not too mention , all of the ABC Soaps . Which might sound super appealing , but it 's getting a little old , real quick . I 'm off work until we get some more concrete answers on the healing process and the recovery . Trenton finally went back to work today . He 's been such a blessing to me these past 3 weeks . I know it hasn 't been easy on him to have to wait on me hand and foot . But I 'm grateful that he loves me and I have him in my life . We 've been abundantly blessed by an outpouring of love from our family , friends , and neighbors . I haven 't had to cook once since coming home due to a fully stocked freezer of delicious meals . Andrea & Jenn graciously came out and did laundry , dishes , and a little cleaning to make my arrival back home that much easier . What a joy to be surrounded by so many wonderful people ! I 'm not gonna lie . . . there was a brief time right after the accident that I was scared to death . I knew we were both going to be ok . Looking at the vehicle , we came out VERY lucky . But there is just something about seeing your baby sister , hurting and covered in Posted by I have a wonderful and loving husband , Trenton , who is the love of my life . We were married in November 2007 . I love spending time with family and friends . We are very blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives . I am the director of Special Education . I really enjoy my job . We are currently expecting our first child , a baby girl , after struggling to start a family after 3 recurrent losses in the past year . We 're just trying to give it all to God and enjoy where we are in life at the time .
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I am a crossdresser on a journey . Join my comings and goings as I come out a bit , and go out a bit . I don 't know my destination . I want to produce my changing bag ~ exactly what I need to take into a dressing room . I didn 't , but I did inventory the two bags of girlstuff I filled Tuesday . I now have a file with the contents and some notes on what I need that I haven 't organised yet . I 'll go over the list and mark the items that have to go into my changing bag and note the things that belong there . I 'll also mark items for my " undo " stuff ~ makeup remover , boy shoes , etc , ~ for my trip back . I also wanted to watch the Oprah channel show and the Face Off show . I saw Face Off only . It was less interesting that I had hoped , certainly less interesting than He 's A Lady ( pictured below ~ click for a larger image ) . Jimmy Johnson has been producing Arlo and Janis for over 25 years and still has not lost his touch . Be sure to click to enlarge the images . . . . He is one of the best artists in the industry , with great facial and body expressions . It 's a great strip . If I can 't be Janis when I grow up , I wanna be Arlo . I almost neglected to mention . . . . Arlo and Janis have a son named Gene . Gene has a girl friend , Mary Lou . Mary Lou has a daughter named Meg . See you in the funny papers ! Arlo and Janis is a fun strip . Jimmy Johnson likes to push the envelop when it comes to almost being naughty . One of the early websites I used to go to daily was Comics I Don 't Understand . Either the site owner or readers would post comics they couldn 't make sense out of . Readers would then give their interpretations . On that site , there was a special " Arlo and Janis Page . " Comics that might be a bit over the naughty line went there . Could you tell I wasn 't wearing " real " socks ? If I took my shoes off , definitely . The toe portion is much less opaque than socks . I kept my shoes on , both at work and at home . If I didn 't take my shoes off . . . you could probably tell also . The tights are shinier than socks , for one thing . But I thought about the socks I normally wear and which are roundly ignored by all around me , and went for it . I learned that my new pumps need a little pad in the heel to help them fit better , and my new open - toed heels are worthless . The sole is way too rigid and they jump off with every step . I need to figure out if there 's a way to cure this . I put together three or five outfits that I will take on my trip . I have a multi - colour print top and a black - and - white print top and two different black skirts , so I can mix and make up to four outfits . I also have a dress I will bring . I 'm not sure what I 'll wear on the trip down . I also tried on a recently - purchased dress and I think it 's more " evening out " material . And I do want to get out for an evening with the gurls . The local group is out just about every week , and I haven 't joined them once . I also did a bit of organising for Richmond . I have a bag with nighties , undies , wig , purse for the trip . I have another bag with too much makeup and too much jewelry which I need to sort through so I can bring just what I need and have the necessary for my quick change . I also pulled out some nail polish remover , which I 'll need if I get a manicure on the way . I still need to decide on a pair ( or two ) of shoes . Yes , I 'll make a list of everything I need . It 's what I do . I also have to figure out when to get my hair cut and eyebrows and neck waxed ~ it 's my new pre - trip ritual . And I better get that other extraneous hair taken care of . ( Actually , I look more like the barber than the customer in that cartoon . ) Finally , all is going well with my wife . No complications , although they did change a couple of spark plugs and put up new wallpaper while they were in there . They used some medical terms , but I think that 's what they did . With luck , she 'll be home by the weekend . I 'm writing late Monday , since I have to be out of the house around 5am , early even for me . I 'll update on whether I 'm at home alone for a bit today or school is closed . Or you can check the Fairfax County public school closings and see for yourself . : ) * Tyson 's Corner is right at the start of my trip . There are two malls , each with family restrooms , each within spitting distance of my office . I think I 'll head a bit further south before stopping though . I don 't want to get caught by the lunch crowd . * Springfield Mall is about 15 miles from my starting point . I have to check on restroom facilities ( as I will for any further malls ) . It 's a mostly dead mall , and may be a good choice for changing . Not so much for shopping . * Potomac Mills Mall is enormous and about 28 miles from my start . I think it can be seen from the moon . It 's a major Virginia tourist attraction . It 's over 1 . 6 MILLION square feet and has over 200 shops . I 'm sure it has family restrooms , but it also has huge crowds . I 'd be reluctant to spend the necessary hour in a restroom , blocking out crowds that might need it . But shopping there would be fun . * still within an hour of starting is the Spotsylvania Mall and the adjacent Central Park shopping centre . I know nothing about these . I will before I travel . And that 's about it . I 'll do a bit of research and report further . If anyone knows anything about these shopping centres please let me know ! I 'm looking for available family restrooms . I may look for a place that will do my makeup , although I 'm not sure . I really need to cover up ; they prefer a lighter touch . And I want a manicure ~ that shouldn 't be a problem . There are more nail places than Starbucks . There 's a new show on the syfy channel called Face Off . In it , makeup artists take a challenge to do their best work . One week , the goal was to create aliens . Wednesday is it . The next episode is called " Switched and Hitched . " 10 pm Eastern ; my vcr ( yes , I still use a vcr ) is already set up . Last week , a new show started on the Oprah channel . It is called Our America . I happened to see an article about it and I 'm not even sure why I read it but the reviewer mentioned that the hostess , Lisa Ling , was going to meet with five transgendered people . I taped it , but haven 't watched it yet . I just checked the website and it says that the premiere episode was on faith healers and the upcoming episode is the transgender one . I 'll have to try to tape the show again this Tuesday ( 10 pm Eastern ) if last week 's wasn 't the one I wanted . Finally , Stana , in her wonderful Femulate blog mentioned a movie called " The Extra Man . " She mentioned some trans content , but she hadn 't watched the full movie yet . I commented that it 's available for download on Netflix but my kids can see the queue so I wasn 't sure I 'd take that route . I went through my file of Dave Coveryly 's Speed Bump cartoons this morning . I pulled out the ones that literally made me laugh out loud , found one that 's kind of cd related , and put back enough of the really funny ones to have a repeat or two . Some of my favourites are below . I used to read Sandra Bell - Lundy 's Between Friends regularly . I lost tract of it a number of years ago when she switched to a different on - line site . I think I need to catch up . My trip to Maryland will be extended one more day , although there will be a few days back in the home office before I return . The little utility I wrote for them manipulates Excel spreadsheets , but not the version they have so I have to tweak it . One of the reports they require is different from how it was originally explained and will require some planning to implement properly . Bottom line : I left their office around 1 . I was quite hungry , but put that aside for a bit of shopping . The little shopping center has a Target , Marshalls , Burlington Coat Factory , Payless , Fashion Bug , and many stores I didn 't go into . My focus was on dresses , with an eye towards blouses and a glance at pant liners . It was 70 + today so if I had one , I would 've left it at home but . . . I Want One . I found a few dresses I liked at Marshalls , but none I Like Liked . Burlington is one of those stores with so many choices my eyes glaze over and I rarely buy . Just looking is exhausting . I found many long slips at Targe , and ~ yes ! ~ a pant liner ! But it was a thin cotton . That 's just wrong . I did not buy . I did learn that Marshalls , at least the ones with the huge shoe department , do have some 11s . I saw a lot of shoes I liked , some with higher heels and platforms than I 've ever worn before , but none of those came in 11 . But I do know that it 's worth looking now . Marshall 's now carries a brand called Dollhouse ~ here 's a direct link to their pumps . If I found almost any of these in 11 , I would 've bought a pair or six . They don 't let you filter by size , so I looked at some different styles and saw NO 11s . Ah well . One look at the skirts page and it 's easy to see that I 'm a teeny bit older than their target market . The next place I had to be was Alexandria at 4 . I had a " possible " in Falls Church , if she was home . I called . She wasn 't . My GPS told me the best way to go to my 4 o ' clock was to go through Washington . This is ALWAYS a bad idea , but it was ten miles shorter so I figured I 'd give it a shot . It actually wasn 't that bad . I passed a lot of small clothing shops , but didn 't take the time to stop . I just wanted to get through all of the traffic circles that are epidemic in DC , and the double - parked and left - turners that are in every city . After I was committed to the DC drive , my Falls Church customer called . I was thinking about stopping at the mall or TJ Maxx near my Alexandria customer ~ just to while away the extra time , of course . But as I still had time , I detoured to Falls Church , did what I needed to do , and headed to Alexandria . I have decided ~ if I can stop at a mall to change on the way ( very likely , it seems ) I 'll stop and get a manicure and pedicure too . It just finishes the look , even if the nail colour has to come off that evening . Note to self : Bring Nail Polish Remover ! Idiot that I am , I am doomed to go through eternity making plans that will forever fail . You 'll recognise me in my next life ~ I 'll be the gal who keeps making plans that never materialise . Yes , I expect to come back as a female . My wife thinks I was a woman in my past life and haven 't " let go " yet . I think if that was true , I 'd be better at it . So I think I 'm practicing for my next life . Yesterday , I wrote about maybe going shopping that day . I underslept , so I got to work early . I figured I could take about 90 minutes out of my day to run some errands ( and shop ) . Instead , I had too much to do to get ready for my customer visit today , so I didn 't get out . Next Tuesday , my wife goes into the local hospital for abdominal surgery . When I say local , I mean local : it 's less than a mile from my front door . The surgery is not unusual or difficult , but , as the surgeon said " it 's not a haircut , either . " Two upcoming blog - pertinent events : a clothing swap ( the following Sunday ) and my Richmond trip ( three weeks later ) . I suspect I 'll skip the swap ; the next is in April , and the clothes will keep . If recovery is slow , Richmond will be postponed . But time alone is rarely wasted , so I hope to spend Tuesday morning sorting through what I need for my trip . I 'll put things such as bra and slip and hose and shoes and wig and makeup and nighties and pads in a box , ready to go . I 'll make a list of items such as panties and dresses that I can 't pack yet so I 'm ready to go . I 'll try out my new shoes . Dressing time is out ~ I want to be ready to get to hospital quickly . I will organise everything so I can change on - the - road , if possible . An anonymous friend left a comment suggesting two possible malls where I can change . I 'll see if I can find out if they have " family " restrooms . Near my office are a TJ Maxx and a Marshalls and a Payless . I think I 'm good for shoes right now , after last week 's purchase . Similar shops are near my Maryland customer , and I 'll be there tomorrow . My goal is to do a bit of clothes shopping ~ I only buy clothes for special occasions , and if Meg will be traveling , well , that 's a special occasion , right ? If I can arrange it , I 'll go to the local shops this afternoon or Friday after work . Or I 'll go to the shops in Maryland tomorrow . That 's iffier ~ the most predictable thing about Washington area traffic is " there will be lots . " Google a route in this area and it will say " 15 minutes . With traffic : a week or two . " I don 't mind traffic occasionally . My mantra is " I 'm not doing this every day . The people around me are . " I would , however , prefer to avoid it . I was hoping to organise a place to change before and after the next clothing swap . As it now stands , the swap will be either on the day my wife gets out of hospital , or while she 's still in . Now my only decision is , do I bring down my clothes ( and just drop them off ) or wait until next time . Yesterday , I had about an hour while my wife was out with friends and my kids were out and could not come back at that time . Now that the oldest one drives , I have to beware of surprises . I spent the hour ripping up Meg 's closet . I went through boxes , bags , hangers . . . . I still have no idea what happened to my pants liners ! Thanks so much for the lovely review ! It 's early days and I 've still got work to do on the UK site - maybe I should be highlighting stores with international shipping . . . or branch out into US stores ? Watch this space ! ! The owners have a blog which is also in early days . I 'm not sure we 're the type of customers they 're expecting , but it is SO frustrating to look at a rack of dresses and skip 90 % because they 're sleeveless . And I 'm always willing to support a small business . I definitely will be watching their space ! And if the A & G ladies want to start a dialogue , they should feel free to write me . The blouse pictured here is from Armed and Glamorous . Valentine 's Day was yesterday . Between recently replacing a dead car , upcoming surgery , and college looming , we decided to tread lightly . On Sunday , I visited a new customer . His wife makes and sells jewelry . And , in the interest of supporting a small business ( see above ) , I found something nice and bought it . I didn 't see many pieces I 'd be interested in , but my wife and I have different tastes . Besides , her jewelry is way too expensive for Meg . I 'd link to her jewelry , but . . . . Y ' all understand . No real content here , but I watch for signs and trust them . Especially the " Buy One Get On Pair Half Price " signs . They 're not a retailer . You find what you like and they direct you to the site where you can purchase it . It 's hard to find deals such as free shipping . I tried to filter by retailers I knew had US sites ( Amazon , for instance ) and got no hits . I can think of a lot of improvements , but it 's a good start for those of us who really can 't shave enough to wear the sleeveless styles that seem to be the norm these days . I was poking around on the Liberty Meadows site yesterday after posting , and I discovered the Uncensored Liberty Meadows cartoons . Many were quite good . The rest were hilarious . Near the end there was a great sequence on an " automatic hair washing machine . " I 'm posting all ten here . Please enlarge the pictures . I think his artwork is great . I enjoyed Frank Cho 's Liberty Meadows when it was in the newspaper . About ten years ago , he decided to pull out of newspapers because his strip was regularly censored . I suspect yesterday 's strip would have only been seen by comics editors . Most of the censored strips were more subtle . I 'll have a Liberty Meadows series on my tv / comics day soon . The strip takes place at the Liberty Meadows animal sanctuary . The man in today 's strip is a Mark Trail animal lover type character who just showed up for this brief series . The , um , costume was just there for the humourous effect . As I recall , I just about fell off my chair at this one . Your mileage may vary , but please click to enlarge ~ his artwork is wonderful . Sometimes , instead of a Sunday gag , he 'd just draw Brandy , the woman in today 's strip . I think you need to establish a better sense of priorities . Your wife and children should be much more important to you than an opportunity to wear girl clothes . I mean , REALLY ! ! ! ! ! All good points . The main one being ~ I wasn 't clear . If my wife 's not ready , I 'll postpone my work trip ( to the dismay of my boss , I know ) . I 'm saving vacation days , making sure I have local things - to - do or at - home things - to - do to keep company customers happy , myself productive , and money flowing in , for both me and the company . Wednesday required a trip to Johns Hopkins ( Baltimore ) for a consult . Thursday was an extra - long work day to make up for it . Monday will be a mid - day local consult . Afterwards , I 'll make up those hours . Please don 't believe for a minute that I 'll neglect a visit to hospital so I can try on outfits for my trip ! But I 'll be packing as if the trip will go on , and that means packing everything . I 'll be getting ready for the trip , and that means making sure the database is solid , the analysts are satisfied , and any girl prep is done ~ time permitting . Planning will continue , even if it turns out that the schedule is shot , or nothing happens . Sometimes , planning is all the fun I get . I hope that 's not the case this time , as I do every time . And I also hope the predictions on recovery and recovery time are way pessimistic . That goes without saying , she said , after spending 1000 words saying it . : ) One possible glitch : my wife is going in for major surgery later this month . My trip is contingent on her recovering enough to take care of herself and the boys . I think all will be well . I also think Richmond will be quickly followed by El Paso , so my hair and eyebrows and neck should still be good to go . : ) It looks like my next customer trip will be to Maryland for up to three days . Unfortunately , it 's about 25 miles away in Maryland which means it 's a commute customer . There 's a nice bargain mall nearby with Marshall 's , Burlington Coat Factory , Payless , and a few specialty clothing shops in it . If I have time , I 'll look around . But next month , I 'm scheduled for three days near Richmond . This is about a two - hour drive , so I 'll travel down on Monday afternoon and return Friday morning . I will be at my home office Monday morning and possibly Friday afternoon . driving down : if I can do some prep work beforehand ( shaving arms and legs for instance ) , I can change on the way . There is the mall right near my office which has family restrooms , but that might be risky . I can head south and watch for malls . When I pass one , I can scope it out and if it has access I can change there and enjoy the rest of my drive . To do this , I also need to leave early enough that I can shave my face before leaving home and still stay smooth whilst putting on my makeup . driving back : even if I can 't change heading down I 'll still scope out malls for a place to change . I can drive partway , change back , and head to the office . This is more certain : I 'll be leaving my hotel room dressed so I shouldn 't have a problem with early shaving or prep time . Monday night will be for scoping out the area . If I can 't prep before going down , it will also be prep night . Tuesday , Wednesday , and Thursday night will be going out time ( if it seems reasonably safe to do so ) . If not , I 'll stay in and video chat if anyone cares to . Maybe I 'll finally go to dinner dressed ! But sometimes the project is complicated enough that I have to work late , work back in my room , and not have time for anything else . I 'm trying to do as much as I can beforehand , and I 'll document everything so I can recreate it there , but if the customer has a different vision than I do , there will be rework and my plans may fall through . For this project , I think there 's a 20 % chance of Too Much Work . Before I go , I 'll definitely schedule some time to get my haircut , and my neck and eyebrows waxed . And I 'll have to figure out some time in the house alone so I can pack for Meg . I try to pack underwear , shoes , makeup , jewelry , etc early and outfits last minute so they don 't get wrinkled . And I can pack a suitcase just for Meg and not have to worry about lugging it through the airport . I will pack a minimal male shirt / pants / shoes + makeup remover in Meg 's bag so if I do get to check in as Meg , I can just carry in her bag and leave my other stuff in the car until later ~ and I have the option to change first if I need to . Addendum : As Dani pointed out in a comment yesterday , I could probably find a better picture of my new footwear on the Payless site . I did . Here and here . One of the women in the third category , S , lives a couple of neighborhoods over . She 's maybe 45 but if I could look like her , I 'd be very happy . She also has two college age daughters who look Just Fine . Last Friday , I finished my hours for the week plus a couple . I don 't have anything urgent , so I tried to move a late appointment up so I could finish my day a bit earlier . She couldn 't move up the appointment , so I went to a nearby mall . My main goal was to replace something I know I own but can 't find . A pant liner . Something like this . I looked in Macy 's Bloomingdales , Gap Body . . . . No luck . I haven 't been wearing hose or anything else under my regular pants , and I wanted to rectify that . I did notice that it 's even hard to find slips these days . As long as I was in the mall , I walked over to the Payless shoes and looked at my size . I saw a few pairs of pumps that I liked , and it was BOGO ( buy one get one half - price ) time . So I bought the shoes pictured below . I apologise for the poor quality . It 's that handy droid once again . The first have a small platform and higher heels than anything else I own except for these . When I got home , the boys were home . My oldest asked if I could take the other to his French lesson so he could go out . I said sure ~ this meant shoe try - on time ! My next business trip will probably be about two hours from home . Close enough to drive , far enough to stay away for a few nights . More soon . Here are the shoes . Several years ago , I found out about freecycle from a client . I joined the local group using my " regular " e - mail . I got rid of some items I would have tossed , but I joined mainly as a free clothing source . The first item I found was a bag of slips and camisoles . There were a few half slips , full slips , and camis , all white or off - white , all silky ( but not silk ) . The slips , unfortunately , were on the long side but I 've worn then with longer skirts around the house . I don 't get out enough to wear long skirts outside ! Often , freecycle items are left on a doorstep for you to pick up and you never meet the donor . In this case she had to bring them to work and I picked up there , so we met and chatted a bit . This is way before my no more stories epiphany , so I didn 't admit they were for me . We never met , but my male e - mail addresses are generally in my full , unusual , male name . She 'd seen my name in the newspaper . There 's a regular newspaper contest here ~ I 'd seen hers as well . The regulars in this contest have a closed group . They meet about once a month , and they have big events 2 - 3 times a year . There 's a fairly active listserv too , She still doesn 't know . One person in the group of regular contest entrants sort of knows ~ I 've told her , but it 's a humour contest and she probably thinks it 's a joke . If she asks , I 'll make it clear . But she hasn 't asked , yet . Dave Blazek 's Loose Parts is always good for a laugh . I have no idea where his weird and wonderful cartoons come from , even after taking a look inside his brain . His newest book is weird things in small boxes but I just ordered one of his older books . The new cartoons are fresh in my mind and I 'm hoping to catch some gems I missed the first time around . In 1978 , the National Lampoon produced a complete Sunday newspaper . This was an extreme extension of an earlier Harvard Lampoon prank where they replaced the front page of the Sunday New York Times with their own version . Thousands of unsuspecting subscribers woke to a bit of a shock that day . The newspaper , the Dacron Ohio Republican - Democrat had news , entertainment , sports , television listings , and , of course , a colour comics supplement . The comics were parodies of other comics . Below is the " Blondie " parody . Please click to see it full size ~ it is worth it .
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Couch # 16 is Scott and Torun 's couch . It came from Levitz back in 2003 when they bought the house . Torun went all over town looking for this sofa set . She pretty much falls asleep on every night . It 's not quite long enough for Scott to sleep on it . It doesn 't show stains really . The dog , Cooper , wasn 't allowed on the couch until recently . Scott has gotten soft and allows the dog up there now . They live in in single family home that they own and have lived in for about 7 years . It is in El Sereno or Hillside Village , in the northeast corner of Los Angeles . Scott and Torun have been happily married for nine years . They have two daughters , Kayla , age 10 , and Brady , age 5 . They have a baby boy on the way . Cooper is their golden retriever who is a little over a year old . Two weeks ago , his pit bull , Mary , had to be put down . It was really hard . In addition , they have a cat , Fluffy , and some fish . Torun is a nurse and LVN ( or LPN ) in a Convalescent Hospital . Scott helps to fill studio audiences . As a family , they like to go camping as well as to the beach and bike riding . They like outdoor activities . There is no time for hobbies , only laundry and dishes . Scott is a musician . He plays guitar in a metal band , categorized as death or grindcore . You may guess that given his long hair and tattoos . But you might be surprised that he is a devoted Dad . Scott and I met through friends probably around ten years ago mostly due the fact that we are both from the same part of the world . We are fans of the Red Sox and Patriots and have attended baseball games and football games . We have drank a few beers and broken bread many times together . Torun likes Bon Jovi . Scott likes classic rock and aggressive metal . He likes Led Zeppelin 's " Kashmir " . Scott and Torun BBQ alot and eat pretty well . When you have kids , you eat what they eat best . They like Italian Food . Scott particularly likes chicken parmesean . Torun likes Mexican food . Torun is great cook . She is a baker and makes deserts , pastries , and cakes . Scott does moreWhen I left from Ryan and Mariah 's house , I was headed to do my weekly Tuesday volunteer work at Sante D ' Or Animal Rescue . I hadn 't really mapped out the route , nor had I figured out how long it would take to get there . I had asked Mariah how to get to the 101 Freeway and from there I knew I could get to the 134 and then to the 5 , which would let me out right near the rescue . I took a guess of how long it would take and also guessed ( and hoped ) that the traffic would be lighter going the direction I was going . I was wrong , I got on to the freeway and almost immediately I was sitting still in a parking lot of cars . What I should also mention is that normally , Kelly , the woman who runs the rescue , is there and has the keys to open up . On this day , she would not be there . I would be opening up . With all of the running around , I was really not prepared for this . So , as I sat in traffic , I texted Kelly to let her know that I would be late . Really late . She may have to run over there and open the doors . She doesn 't live too far from the rescue and so I didn 't feel bad about making that request . I was also stressed out and so I had no hesitation about asking for any help that I needed . What I should mention here is that Kelly sometimes doesn 't check her texts and therefore is slow to respond to them . If she isn 't expecting one , her phone is likely to buzz at the bottom of her purse until she notices it an hour later . Such was the case in this situation . In traffic I sat , not really wanting to get on the phone as I was driving and getting very frustrated . About half an hour late , I arrived in Atwater , parking my car on a nearby street as I always do and making my way to the rescue just as another volunteer was starting to make the calls . I apologized , opened the doors and went to work . As Kelly was not there that day and as I had the keys , I was basically in charge . I split up the duties taking one of the more difficult ones for myself . Feeding and cleaning up the cats cages is what every volunteer learns fAs soon as my friend had left , I hightailed it out of there . After being at the rescue all morning , I stank of sweat and cat litter and so I needed a shower . I headed over to the Y and showered before doing anything else . Once that was done , I decided that I should head in the direction of Scott 's house . He lives near downtown and so that was where I would go and camp out , catch up and wait for him to get home . I hadn 't taken the time to find a Starbuck 's or other place to go , but a friend of mine lived in the Arts District and I knew that there was a coffee shop on Traction , so I headed there . While driving there I passed the stunning architecture of the Frank Gehry designed Walt Disney Concert Hall ( http : / / bit . ly / aP4BF ) . I always want to look at it as I pass and always have to remind myself that I 'm driving . Also while driving to the coffee shop , I nearly got into an accident . As a traffic light changed from green to yellow in front of me , another car , also in front of me and clearly in the intersection , decided that they would not keeping going put instead slam on their breaks . Expecting that we were both going through the yellow , I was right on their bumper and so when they stopped , I had slam on my breaks as well . Thankfully I didn 't hit them , but it definitely pissed me off . I wondered , why did they slam on their breaks ? They saw that it was yellow and not red , right ? Then I noticed a cop nearby . Interestingly enough , once the light changed from red to green , the cop immediately began to follow them . Obviously they raised some suspicion . I made sure to keep my distance and keep my focus on the road and not my phone or the radio . I finally made my way to the Novel Cafe . I had thought about texting my friend who lived in the neighbor and get another suggestion on where to go . She had told me that she had not been happy with the Novel or with groundwork cafe before it changed hands . It was already getting late at that point and I wanted to play catch - up and where I did that at didn 't matter . All I Once I arrived , the game was already in progress . Scott offered me a beer and we chatted on and off while our stayed glued to the game . The game was already not going well and while Scott kept saying that the game was over , I kept saying that there was still time to come back . Regardless of our attitudes , we kept watching . I was introduced to Scott 's dog Cooper , a golden retriever , who he had gotten when his dog Mary was getting old . Mary recently had to be put down but was obviously still in Scott 's thoughts . He also told me that he had taken a recent visit back home . Both his Aunt and his Uncle had passed away and he had returned for their funerals . It was quite tragic , one of them had passed away suddenly , and the way Scott told it , it seemed to me the other one might have died of a broken heart . We also discussed the imminent move of our friend Max and his family back to Massachusetts . I 'm unsure of all of the details and circumstances , but there had been some illness in the family , I believe , and their hands were need back home . So there was lots of discussion of tragedy and pain and change . I was glad to not currently have any such events in my life , but I also knew that eventually , they would come . Until then I would deal with my own issues of homelessness , poverty , and the challenge of finding work in this economy . Halftime came and Scott through a frozen pizza in the oven . His wife , Torun , and their children , Kayla and Brady , were out for the night . She had a friend in town and they were going to meet that friend . Scott also made a quick salad , as I recall . We ate and caught up some more , but mostly watched the game . Scott is in a band called the Ixion Effect ( formerly known as Murder Faith ) , and sat on the couch playing his guitar . A neighbor and another friend had also come by to watch the game . With all the people , we adjourned to the " Men 's Club " , or guest house , in the back . It 's a simple building decorated much like a dorm room with miscellaneous Boston Red Sox , Patriots , and music memorabilia . There is also a bed back there , a refrigerator and a bar . The television isn 't as fancy , but we can put our feet up and as it was unclear when the wife and kids were getting home , it was probably a good idea to stay clear of the house while we drank beer and kept the television loud . There wasn 't a lot of conversation . Mostly there was some banter back and forth between Scott and his neighbors . They were Laker fans and were already taunting him about the game . Scott mostly just ignored them , as it was only Game 6 and there would still another game to be played . He sat there , playing his guitar still , and watching the game . I mostly sat quietly myself , snapping some photos here and there . I was tired and really just wanted to zone out and watch the television . The game wrapped up and the Celtics were blown out by the Lakers , but for some reason we remained in the back house watching the highlights and press conferences . At some point his neighbors decided that it was late enough and said their goodbyes and left . Scott and I also took this opportunity to turn off the television and return to the house . Torun and the kids returned home shortly thereafter . It was getting late and the kids would be heading to bed soon . The kids have two more days of school , but they think that they are already on vacation . There is a party at school tomorrow . Because they would be heading off in the morning , I tried to snap a few photos while I could . I was tired and had had a few beers , so I didn 't do a very good job of it . As I was there taking pictures , they hammed it up a bit , jumping on their father and giggling a bit . Brady tried a bit harder . Kayla has always been a bit shy when I 've seen her . Scott and Torun discussed some family things and some scheduling for the morning . Normally Torun would have to work in the morning and Scott would then take the kids to school or whereever , but as Torun didn 't have to work , and as I was there , she agreed to take the kids in the morning . Then it was time for the kids to brush their teeth and go to bed . While Scott and Torun hustled them along , I checked my email and checked my photos , including all the batteries for the video camera , film camera , and digital cameras . I probably even plugged in the laptop so it would charge . Once the kids were safely tucked in , we all sat down and put the television on again . Scott tuned into " Family Guy " and explained that Torun didn 't get the all of the jokes as she was from Norway and many of the jokes were definitely 80 's American pop culture references . After watching this for a short time , we turned the television off and I shot some photographs and conducted my interview . Torun is pregnant and after a long day all she wanted to do was to lie down . So most the photos were taken and the interview was conducted that way . While the photos were being taken , we were interrupted twice by Brady insisting that she needed her mother for something , but coming across more like she was just curious what we were doing . Scott and Torun even alluded to the fact that she was excited because of the company . Kids and pets are often excited when I show up at their home . I 'm not sure if it 's because I 'm sleeping on the couch , or just because I 'm a guest there . Maybe it 's just because I 'm something out of the ordinary , and that 's exciting in some way . I know that this excitement does usually get me excited about being there , even though I did the same thing the night before and will do it again the next night . Once the interview was over Torun headed off to bed , I packed up my things , and Scott and I watched Aqua Teen Hunger Force and ate Cheez - Its . At the end of the program , as the morning would come sooner than we would want , Scott through me a blanket and headed off to bed . I brushed my teeth and did the same . I don 't remember exactly what time it was when the kids got up , but it was pretty early . I had also had a few beers the night before , so it may have just felt early . There were lots of doors opening and closing from the kids room to the bathroom and after a little bit of this , I roused myself off the couch and took some photos of the place . The kids had their Froot Loops , Kayla grabbed her own breakfast without being told . Torun brushed Brady 's hair . Scott got himself up and with his robe on , lied down on the couch with Cooper . When the kids were finally ready to leave , they gave their Dad a hug , said goodbye , and headed off for the day . I sat down and watched some World Cup game for a little while with Scott . I don 't remember who was playing that morning , but it wasn 't a game I was particularly interested in . Scott and I discussed the World Cup and the teams that were playing , but as he was still sleepy , the conversation was kept to a minimum . I took a moment to enjoy the quiet and relax for a moment . Once half time hit , it was time for me to go . I still had a lot of catching up that I wanted to try to get to before landing back in Hollywood for a night of karaoke and the couch of a good friend . My name is Dean MacKay . In June and July of 2010 , I slept on 50 different couches in 50 consecutive nights . I took photographs of the couches , both as a couch and as my bed . I took portraits of my hosts and interviewed them . I documented their homes on film and digitally as well as in a journal . I was treated to home cooked meals and intimate secrets . I was cared for when I was ill and checked in on after I was long gone . There were sleepless nights and busy days and times spent discussing the past and dreaming about the future . I drank a lot of coffee at a lot of different coffee houses . There were old friends who became closer and acquaintances who I now call my friends . There were even strangers who invited me into their homes . Threads were woven among them all . My skills were honed as I practiced my craft on a daily basis . I learned many things about my hosts and I continue to learn many things about myself . These times are unforgettable . This journey was initially born out of necessity . The economic times had taken their toll . But the fruit of this labor is not simply financial . It is emotional and spiritual and societal . I tapped into something that is still developing . And as it develops I will share with you this knowledge as well as providing you a way to share it with others . I hope that you will support me as this journey continue and grows . I plan to unveil many things from this work including a coffee table book on the couches , and perhaps other books and a documentary . I 'm also hoping to get the blog carried on a major website . Of course , and second project is also in the works although what form it will take has yet to be determined . Any assistance or advice that you can offer to further these projects is welcome . Your support , both financial and emotional , is crucial to my success . Thank You . I really appreciate you doing this . Scott is my friend from way , way back , even before he knew Torun . I get to see a side of Scotts new life that I cant see on facebook . So again , thanks . My name is Dan Meloy and I too fight poverty . Ive had the idea of going to all the homeless in San Francisco and documenting their stories . They are our fathers , mothers and family . Id like to make a book of all their tales and use the proceeds to create more homeless shelters . Id like to see a day when we have wagons that can go pick up homeless people and take them to a shelter where they can get what they need . Help getting off streets , medical attention , drug rehab assistance , job assistance , whatever it takes to get them back into society . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! 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Posted on May 28 , 2015 by skileskatharine 1 Matilda was one of my favorite characters growing up . Matilda 's family always ate dinner in front of the TV and Matilda was way too smart for that crap , but she still sat there and ate with them . They chided her for reading books instead of watching TV . When I was a girl I wanted to be Matilda - bookish and magical . I abhorred her parents and eating dinner in front of the TV seemed to emblematic of their dysfunctional family and lazy lack of goodness . Well , you wanna know what ? In our house , we have a lot of TV dinners . At first , it felt indulgent . But if I 'm being 100 % honest , we watch something during almost every dinner - sitting at the table has become the exception rather than the rule . When I was nine months pregnant , we rewatched seasons three and four of Game of Thrones and it was glorious . I wanted nothing more . Now that I 'm a mom , I feel kind of guilty about it . I mean - James is asleep by the time we are eating dinner , so it 's not like we 're subjecting him to Game of Thrones ' world of beheadings and sexual depravity or the frightening moral compass of Frank Underwood . But Dan and I aren 't taking that time to really be with each other . In our defense , we do do breakfast at the table and a long coffee hour every morning . Also , let 's face it , TV is churning out great content . But mostly , we 're TIRED . Dan has been at work all day , I 've been changing diapers , putting him down for naps all day ( and still not really sleeping through the night ) . Is it so wrong to want to lean back and veg out at the end of the day ? What would I have thought if those meanies the Wormwoods said to Matilda : We 're tired girl ! ( Did they say that ? ) Now , when my kids are up for dinner , I am confident this we 'll have a steadfast dinner - at - the - table policy and save any TV for when they are in bed . In the meantime , I 'm just going to ask you if you 've seen any good shows lately . So : have you ? Bored to Death : Seriously underrated comedy on HBO about a flailing writer turned unlicensed private detective . He and his two buddies get into all kinds of nutty situations , usually stoned . Ted Danson is hilarious ! The Honorable Woman : Eight episode miniseries about a woman from Israel whose father 's business manufactured arms and was hated by the Palestinians . Her father was murdered when she was young and she 's trying to turn the company 's money to bring peace between the two nations . A kidnapped child , a mysterious past , a complicated present . One of the best things we 've watched on television . Game of Thrones : What can I possibly say that hasn 't been said about this show ? I was slow to take to this one - it 's so dark and f 'd up ! But it really is the best , isn 't it ? I 've now read all the books and have a small obsession . ( For fans , watch this . ) Girls : I was tepid on Girls at the beginning - although One Man 's Trash in the second season was a favorite . Seasons three and four are excellent . This show really nails what it 's like to be in your 20s : confused , arrogant , searching , trying so hard to make the wrong guy fall in love with you , saying things you think are smart but are actually embarrassing , the wonder and despair that comes with following your passion . My hat is off to Ms . Dunham on this one . ( Dan loves this show too now ! Guys , it 's not just for Girls . ) Posted on May 27 , 2015 by skileskatharine 3 Well , we did it . We went camping with our three month old . I feel like we cheated a little bit . I mean , we did cheat a little bit . Our friends Cindy and Roger just bought a very posh camper trailer and they let our family of three sleep in it for two nights . So I guess we dipped our toes into camping , which was the perfect way to start . As a new parent , I am still wrestling with how to continue doing the things we love while making sure that James gets what he needs ( namely sleep ) and is a happy baby . What this looks like so far is booking trips and camping adventures and crossing my fingers that things will fall into place . Right now , James needs a lot of naps . And by a lot I mean he needs to sleep almost every other hour . Which means I spend about half my day putting him down to sleep . Eventually , he 'll fall into a schedule , but until then , I have to watch for his little yawns and try and whisk him into the nursery before he devolves into a cranky crying mess . If I were to stick around to accommodate this napping routine , I would be able to leave the house for a few half hour spurts a day - which would in turn drive me completely nuts . So when Cindy and Roger invited us to camp , I felt apprehensive but I also knew we had to say yes . I made Dan promise that if it all went south on Friday night , we 'd abandon ship and head home to recover on Saturday . But all did not go south on Friday . Yes , it took an hour of crying and rocking to get him down on Friday night , but then he slept pretty well ( except for that time he was awake from 5 to 6 a . m . , but it 's all a distant memory now ) . On Saturday , at 7 a . m . , I zipped James into his soft white bear suit and brewed coffee while Dan built a fire . Then the three of us sat around the fire together . And of course everything I love about camping was all around me - the chilly mountain air , the smell of evergreen trees and campfire , a perfect cup of coffee , being outside at such an early hour . All of it . James seemed pretty happy about it too . Later , we hiked to Rawson Lake and James napped in the baby carrier while we tramped through some lingering snow . He woke for our lunch and then fell back asleep for the hike down . Hikin . That night , he fell right asleep at 7 and I drank a little too much wine around the fire because it was my birthday and why not ? Did it suck waking up for his little 5 - 6 a . m . stint again ? Yes . Was I utterly exhausted on Monday and still on Tuesday ? Yes , yes I was . But you know what ? We all came out ok and it was totally worth it and awesome ! Honestly , the worst part of the whole thing was the drive , during which he wailed . But we survived that too and I think James has forgiven us . I mean , he hasn 't run away or anything like that . Like the travel thing , I think you just have to go for it and see what happens . I 'm still nervous about the camping trips we have planned for this summer . All my books are telling me that my baby is becoming less portable . That he will only sleep well in his own crib after four months of age . They tell me taking trips will ruin any and all of the sleep progress we make ( which does not bode well for the three week trip we have planned in July ) . It 's not that I don 't believe them - but are we really supposed to stick around the house until he 's done napping at five years old or something ? Maybe I will eat these words later . I might . But I want my son to see the world . I want him to have a sense of wonder and the wide world . I want him to sit under trees , beside lakes , beneath mountains and the sun . I want him to be well rested and happy too . So maybe we can meet somewhere in the middle . We 'll see , my friends . Posted on May 21 , 2015 by skileskatharine Reply By 10 weeks of age , our little guy had been on two major trips , eight plane rides and set foot in four states . Not too bad for two and a half months of life , hey ? ! The first trip was to Florida , where my parents have a place . James was six weeks old . The second was to South Carolina for a dear college friend 's wedding when James was 10 weeks old . # 1 : Little babies are pretty good travelers . As Dan and I were packing up for Florida , we were both nervous . I mean , god , we could barely keep our shit together in our own house . James cried and cried as we gathered all the last minute things and loaded him into our friend Sara 's giant red truck . What have we gotten ourselves into ? I thought . But then he slept . He slept as it took us ONE HOUR to check in at the desk ( that 's right , we stood there for one entire hour . Parents take note : leave yourself oodles of time . This infant in arms thing is not as simple as it seems ! ) . He slept through security and then had a breakdown during which we hid in the family bathroom ( never loved a public restroom so very much then I did at this moment in time ) . Then , he slept all the way down to Florida . He slept so much that I fiddled with the idea of somehow living on a plane with all those nice vibrations and incredibly loud white noise so that I could enjoy the type of peace I enjoyed during those six to eight hours . # 2 : If they cry , they cry . For some reason , James fussed on the last leg of both trips after being a dream for the entire rest of the time . I bounced him and shh 'd him , but sometimes babies cry . It totally sucks , of course , but as with all things in life , this too shall pass . Plus , my next point : # 3 : Babies are the great the connector . If you 're nervous about your baby making you the most hated person on a flight , don 't be . It 's the exact opposite . I cannot tell you how many people looked at me and smiled , came over to ask : " How old ? " and then said : " Enjoy it . They grow up so fast . " Many ( maybe most ) have children of their own . They 've been there . If you pay attention , you 'll see all of their love for their children flash across their face as they look at yours . It 's one of the loveliest thing you 'll ever encounter - this brief but utterly profound sharing of parental love . I sat next to a guy about my age who runs a micro - brewery on the flight from Florida to Minneapolis who had a toddler and we talked about parenthood - the ups and downs and everything in between . The guy behind me on that flight kept offering to hold James . I could tell he longed for the weight of a baby in his arms . When I landed in Calgary , a volunteer in a white hat and red vest rushed up to me as I walked towards customs ran to me cooing : " Oh , you lucky person ! What a beautiful baby ! Please , let me show you the elevator ! Oh you lucky lucky person . " # 4 : Every week of baby 's life contains vital developments in those early months . Plan accordingly . We took James to Florida to stay with my parents and my brother and sister in law at six weeks . They say six weeks is the peak of a baby 's fussiness and that proved true for us . One day , James cried every minute he was awake . There wasn 't much sleeping to be had . To have the support of other family members , and have Dan around 24 / 7 that week was a life saver for me . My dad would lift James over his shoulder , pat his back and take him to another room to soothe him ( We called it the Jimbo touch ) . My mom would take him in the morning after I fed him so that I could sleep for a little while . Kevin and Fiona ( brother and sister in law ) helped me get out when I might have just stayed home - so there was a boat ride and pina coladas and even an entire dinner out without babe ! Everyone helped me laugh and stay sane . And believe me , laughter and sanity were precious commodities at that time . By 10 weeks , James was SO MUCH better . He was full of smiles and starting to coo . Not to say he didn 't cry , but by then , his crying didn 't make me want to crawl into a hole . The night before the wedding I went out for dinner with my friends and then a cocktail reception . By 10 : 30 p . m . I was tapping my toes , thinking obsessively about James . In the bathroom with my best friend , I confessed : " I want to be the cool mom who can just forget about it all for a while and stay out late ! But I just want to be home with him . " She assured me that that was ok . So I went home . The night of the wedding , though , I vowed to just have fun . And have fun I did . The champagne and wine were flowing . The dance floor was bumping . All of my college girlfriends were there . It was the best to be there with them . To have my mom spending time with her grandson . Win , win and win . I had a lot of anxiety about the wedding trip before I went . There are so many unknowns when you are a first time mom . But , at the end of the day , you can make anything happen if you are prepared and flexible . Plus my next point : # 5 : Know thyself . Travel is incredibly important to me and I think it was important to know that we could handle it early on . I personally could not have done the wedding trip earlier than I did , but I have a ( way more amazing ) friend who went to a wedding in France when her first was four weeks old . If there 's a trip you want to take : # 6 : It 's worth it . What other opportunity would I have to meet my girlfriends in the lobby on a hungover Sunday morning , clutching coffees just like the good old days and have them gather around my little son for a picture ? Or see my friend Callie get married ? ! When else would I get to plop little J in a bouncy chair while my brother and sister in law boiled lobsters and my dad passed the chardonnay and we all clinked glasses ? I would not trade any of it . Nope , not ever . Posted on May 17 , 2015 by skileskatharine Reply Last night , Dan drove home in something other than our beloved 2003 VW Jetta . He had spent months on this purchase . He had researched , visited dealerships , test drove and even made a spreadsheet . I basically did not do one thing . This is the kind of thing I would have put off for five more years had it been left to me . I probably would have driven that Jetta until it was dead and smoking on the side of the road . There 's all this stuff you suddenly need when you have a kid . There are little things , like swaddle blankets , and there are bigger things like cribs and then there are really big things like a car and maybe a house . Where is that elusive line between need and want ? Here 's a list of things we 've been saying we need for the past year or so : Three of our dining room chairs were gifted to us by Dan 's old boss - they are the most basic wooden chair you could imagine , painted yellow by Dan . The last chair Dan bought for $ 1 at some recycle store and sanded and refinished . It feels like it 's going to collapse under you every time you sit in it . Our current bed frame is that metal thing that comes with the bed ; it 's being held together by plastic zip ties , causes our bed to sag in the middle and also sounds / feels like it 's going to fall apart every time you lie down . These near - falling apart pieces of furniture have not fallen apart and we can still eat dinner and sleep in a comfortable bed . As for the car - well , the Jetta had 116 , 000 + miles on it . She still runs , but she 's starting to shudder a bit in reverse and if we 're being totally honest , sometimes she shudders and stalls in drive . The steering wheel is literally starting to disintegrate . A couple of months ago , I pulled the visor to block the sun and it broke off in my hand . And then , when we installed the carseat , the passenger seat had to be pushed forward so that the passenger 's knees nearly touch the dashboard . It was time . So we took a test drive on a sunny day with a friendly man named Bruce who was selling his 2012 Volvo XC - 70 . After , we went to a cafe patio and talked about the car . It had things like Bluetooth capabilities , a radio that actually worked , climate control , all these wild Volvo - y safety features - technologies that seemed James - Bond - ish compared to the Jetta ( which , for the record , originally came with a CASSETTE TAPE DECK ) . Also , it had leather seats . What the hell would I be doing in a car with leather seats ? Yesterday Dan ran all over town , getting the license plates , firming up the finances . I 'm really in the trenches with James ' naps right now ( another story - but really people ! It 's a battleground ! ) and Dan called at 3 : 30 to tell me I had to come into town and sign some paperwork . " But I just got James down for a nap ! " I groaned . It couldn 't wait , so into the carrier the baby went , spitting up promptly all over me . I boarded the train and walked into the bank smelling like sour milk ( this is definitely the most appropriate way to purchase a station wagon ) . An hour later , Dan pulled it into our little parking spot with the new wheels and I went out to meet him , tucking James under my jacket because it was raining outside . The two of them posed for a quick picture . It 's funny our relationship to cars . The Jetta is a part of our family and our story . It has been so many places with us . I think I 'm going to cry when we sell it . It 's not just a car - it feels like I 'm saying goodbye to my young entire adulthood . Already , I feel a little ache in my heart when I see out front , parked on the street rather than our spot out back , as if it 's been put out to pasture . But here is our new car . A little piece of our future . Parked outside and waiting for us to take a drive . Posted in 100randomthoughtsandmemories | Tagged motherhood , new car , volvo xc - 70 | Leave a reply Monnie stood and turned and gasped at the sight of me and James . Then she turned to the group and interrupted by loudly proclaiming : " Everyone ! Everyone ! This is my great - grandson ! " Posted on May 12 , 2015 by skileskatharine 1 On my first mother 's day , James let me sleep until almost 7 : 30 a . m . When I looked at the clock I could hardly believe it . But he 's changing . Every day . And one of those changes is more sleep for both of us . Dan slipped out of bed early and I heard the coffee grinder go off . For once , I got to be the one who slumbered on . When I woke , breakfast was ready and Dan was so excited to hand me a card that read : I love being married to you . James bounced in his bouncy chair and we drank smoothies from big red wine glasses . James went down for a nap and we polished off a second cup of coffee . Dan and I have always loved our mornings . Then our friend Charles and his 10 month old , Benoit , swung by and we drove out towards the mountains . It 's been so long since we went out to our beloved mountains ! We settled into a picnic table for lunch and Dan draped a big blanket around me while I snuggled James into the carrier where he fell fast asleep . It was chillier than any of us had bargained for . Dan and Charles threw their lines into the pond while James slept and I sat in the Crazy Creek . Benoit sat on a blanket next to me , picking things up and looking around . Clouds rolled in and it started to rain . On the way down , the thought of just sitting in the rain watching the boys fish didn 't sound so greatly appealing , but it was the perfect thing to do . Although I am not an avid fisher , I have grown to appreciate the zen of the sport . I felt so cozy there under the blanket with James snuggled up to me breathing away in his sleep , his soft hair brushing my chin . Two hours passed . Then I did begin to get cold . We all packed up and before we left we went into the little hut to warm up by the fire . A Turkish bbq gathering was in full swing and we were immediately offered chicken wings and these delicious seasoned lamb burger patties . Then cake . The ladies were asking about James . One woman gave me a cupcake - for mother 's day . We hugged . She said there is an expression in Turkish about unexpected surprises waiting for you . I feel like that second month of mothering was all about the challenges . These past few weeks have been all about the joy . Of course the challenges remain . Of course they do ! But James is so full of smiles and funny faces and noises . The feeling of his little hands and arms reaching around your neck and his intoxicating smell . He seems excited - rather than overwhelmed - to be alive and here with us . Dan and I go gaga over him every single minute . When I put James to bed , I got a little choked up . If you want to be a mom , you wonder your whole life who your kids will be - and here he is . Our first little guy . Perfection .
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" Expose something dirty or messy you would normally hide . " Really ? I have to do this today ! ? Okay . Here it is . Hide your children , and be prepared to scream . I have extra Kleenex for those of you who break down and sob . That 's so awful . I am not normally this much of a disaster zone . More of a creative slob , I would say . Over the summer my house was spotless , however once school started back up , so did the piles . As you can see , The DayPlanner is on top of everything else , because I refer to it constantly . I also have my binder open because I 'm constantly rifling through things in there , I have textbooks everywhere except the bookcase , I have various piles and stacks of association paperwork , and my poor laptop trying to get oxygen on the edge . The only thing missing from this picture is the giant mug of coffee that usually sits by me , but it 's 7 at night and I would like to sleep in the next century . I also have name badge holders and a consistent pile of alcohol wipes which always seem to make it home in my scrub pockets after a shift . It 's temporary , and I know this . When I have breaks in the craziness , I like to clean . It 's cathartic and makes me feel as if I 'm cleaning out my mind . Home maintenance , impaired , related to inadequate time management and insufficient energy levels , as evidenced by disaster zone on the dining room table and desire to curl up on the Magic Nap Couch with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book . : ) I love the blogs and women behind " Just Be Enough " . We were asked to share five things that make us smile . I smile a LOT . This is a toughie ! Ahem . * Giggles * 1 . The fam . This is just a photo of the parents because The Man doesn 't care to be shared on public domain , and the sister probably doesn 't , either . She can tell me either way and I 'll go from there . : ) But , let me tell you how AWESOME the parents are . . . Mom and I like to put together puzzles and go to lunch and pretend we 're going to have a healthy salad . Then we 're all , " We 're out to lunch for the first time in six months , screw the salad , let 's get a big fat burger and fries . " She rocks . Dad and I like to go fishing and cook on holidays . Having a baked potato explode in our faces was the highlight of one Christmas , which caused a hell of a mess and much hilarity in the kitchen . Dad and I have had some of our best talks in the kitchen . He rocks , too . The sis is out of this world . I love that girl . We still need to have our lunch date which we planned back in 2003 sometime . 2 . KITTIES ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Bandit and Bubba are furballs of awesomeness . They have kept me sane and out of too much trouble . Bandit is a cuddlebug , and Bubba likes to knock you over in the hallway so you will play with him . Bandit ( left ) and Bubba ( right ) 3 . Batting cages . There is nothing in the world like going in there , smashing the living crap out of softballs for an hour , and feeling like you could rule the world . I also love playing softball , but haven 't had time to because of school , work , and all of this other stuff . I am thinking of rejoining a league when I graduate . Because it 's insanely fantastic . Line drive , baby . 4 . Carving pumpkins , and everything in the world having to do with Halloween and Autumn . I love doing simple pumpkins with various expressions . The first time you see your creation lit up at night is incredible and fills you with a sense of " Yeah , I totally did that . " WTF are you looking at ? 5 . I 'm on # 5 , right ? I lose track . I don 't think I stopped smiling all weekend , so it 's hard to pick JUST ONE more thing that makes me smile . This is random , but I love tall ships , especially the Star of India . Isn 't she beautiful ? I used to drive down to the harbor and just sit and stare at her . She 's really gorgeous on the inside , too , all dark and shiny wood and energy . Sigh . . . There are a million other things that make me smile . The scent of lemon biscotti in the oven , nutmeg and cloves , a hot shower after freezing on the beach at a bonfire , marshmallows oozing over your fingers in s ' more form , that first sip of Guinness , screaming your head off at a baseball game after a walk - off homerun , . . . . I could go on for days . Start your day with a smile , and see where that takes you . I was talking with a friend on Twitter tonight , and she asked me if I had written about my experiences . Indeed , I have not . I 've spoken of them to many people , but I think it 's high time I write them down here . This is going to be a heck of a read , so sit back and have a pumpkin ale . My first remembered experience was when I was about seven years old . My parents had taken me to the Whaley House in Old Town , San Diego . I don 't recall exactly what the hell happened in there , on the second floor , but I do know I ran down the stairs , screaming , and out of the house . I guess there 's a vortex at the top of the stairs in there . I don 't know . All I know is that I remember smelling something strange , and I almost fell down the stairs in my haste to get out . My parents were scared to death , thinking that I was being attacked by someone . Someone ? Something ? When I was in college ( the first time ) , I dated a guy named Dave . We went to stay with his aunt and uncle in the middle of frickin ' nowhere in central California . They owned this ancient farmhouse in the middle of a field , with a pond and forest about a quarter - mile away . There was an old train station nearby , too , which wasn 't in service anymore . The whole place reeked of energy . I can still feel it now . We were sleeping the first night , with Dave beside me and his younger sister sleeping on the floor at the foot of the bed . I woke up , suddenly , freezing cold . The room was pitch black except for the glow of the moon coming in the window . Although it was winter , I wasn 't cold from the house being cold . This was a different cold . This was " something is in here right now " cold . I was frozen . I couldn 't move . Do you have those dreams in which you just can 't move no matter how hard you try ? Like that . I knew , knew , that if I turned over , I would see her in the full - length mirror next to me . Her name , it turns out , was Judith . She lived in that house during the early 1900 's with her husband . One day she came home to find her husband in bed with the servant - girl . She pulled out a rifle and shot them both . Dave 's aunt told me this the next morning , when I told her why I hadn 't slept all night . Evidently she was much the same as I , and would see and hear things around the house . She had researched the story herself a couple of years back , and told me that she had actually found a photo negative in the wall when they were renovating the kitchen . They had the photo developed , and it was of a woman holding a rifle . Judith 's eyes were incredibly dark . . . not just shade , but full of hurt . I had a few other things happen in the next few years . . . one time I tried on a jacket that had belonged to the grandfather of a friend , and I immediately felt as if I was having a heart attack . It turns out that his grandfather had died suddenly of a heart attack . I saw shadows in his grandmother 's house , and felt as if I was being followed , like someone wanted to talk to me but didn 't know how . I didn 't know how , either . I felt as if this was the grandfather , though , just curious as to who I was . Years later , I went back to the Whaley House with a friend . I was a little wary of this , because twenty years earlier , I had been scared out of my mind . I tried to keep an open mind , and went into the building . I was standing in the doorway between the storefront and courthouse , when I felt as if someone was sitting on my chest and choking me all at once . I couldn 't get any breath at all , and I felt as if I was locked in a very dark and claustrophobic freezer . I backed up , in panic , thinking " Oh my God , it 's happening again . " This time , it was someone very tall , and he was angry . He was so angry . I retreated into the hallway , ready to run again . What the hell was going on with me that I was getting attacked in this house ? ! My friend was blissfully unaware , flipping through photo albums in the courthouse . I stood against a wall , panting , in the hallway . It was a rare day where there were few visitors in the house , so I was alone . Tears were about ready to spill out of my eyes . . . I was scared , I was confused , I was unsure . And then I felt it . . . . A cool , " clear " , tiny airy hand wrapped itself around the fingers of my right hand . I followed this drafty , childlike kindness up the stairs to the landing overlooking the area in which I had been hiding in the hallway . There were three of them here , all below waist - height . White , blonde , blue ribbons , were images that I was receiving . The hand disappeared , but the immediate peace I felt was long - lasting . I felt as if I had been taken to a safe place . I am forever grateful to these little ones . I went back a few months later to thank them , but they weren 't there - at least not to the point where I could " see " them . Maybe it 's because there were so many more people in the house . Maybe I didn 't have the clarity I needed that day . I still whispered my thanks in case they were listening . After speaking in private with the docent there , I learned a few things . My first name is the same as one of the Whaley daughters , who died in the house at an advanced age . I also learned that there were several Native American staff members back in those days , and the docent said that visitors in the house of Native American blood would often have experiences . With me having Cherokee heritage , the docent believed that the spirits picked up on that and acted upon it . She also said that there were a few other people who had had the choking feeling . Upon further research , I learned that a gentleman named Yankee Jim had been hung on site , however he choked to death instead of having his neck snap immediately . Was I feeling his anger ? What he went through as he choked so slowly and painfully ? Did those children think that I was one of their previous staff members and pulled me to safety ? So many questions . I will leave it here for now . . . I continue to hear and feel and see shadows . I am followed sometimes , but by nothing frightening . There are times where I can " hear " them , in my mind , much like I heard my Grandmother silently telling me that she was " going now " , when she passed away . I am sometimes startled , but I am not afraid of them . I asked today for my Twitter - loves to help me by sending me three words . This is the result . Their words , in order , are bolded . I dreamt of the obscure , strangely - tilted sharpness of barbed - wire , which had been decorated lovingly by a small child with the crooked , elbow macaroni necklaces that every mother gets for Mother 's Day . Spotted Monarch butterflies danced in the air , flitting back and forth between the cold , gray , steel spikes , and the small child ate an over - filled peanut butter sandwich that she had made with pride that morning . Over on the porch , a grinning Jack - O - Lantern looked on as a smiling sun crept over the cerulean sky and sprayed sunshine down on blonde curls . She carried a small , pink suitcase filled with secret treasures known only to her . Her name is Serene , and she was . Nearby , a small , brown goat of the genus Capra nodded in agreement as he filled himself to the brim with soft , green grasses . The blonde curls danced in laughter as he nuzzled the small of her back . He was born on a Tuesday , and her daddy let her hold him for a few fabulous , precious seconds before giving him back to his mother . She hears her name being called by a sweet , soft voice of a woman with hair like hers . As the curls trip up the wooden porch stairs , she sees that her mother has painted her toenails the color of pomegranates . She secretly hopes that she will get to pick out her favorite nail polish later , so she can show tiny , sparkly toes to her daddy . Two gray tabby cats rush by , meowing with pleasure at the thought of a romp in the tall grasses . Inside the warm , inviting house , the Yankees game blares on the old radio ; the announcer 's voice is offset by occasional static that sounds like a sudden hailstorm in the summertime . The last buttercups of the season are splayed in a small , clear glass vase on the kitchen table , holding onto the fading rays of summer . She takes off running , her footsteps echoing flatly on the wooden floors , reverberating oddly like blocked sinuses . The screen door flies open as she squeals out onto the porch , scattering the first fallen leaves with her whirlwind of excitement . Her daddy is home . I can 't tell you how thrilled I am that it 's October . This is one of my favorite months of the year , and the " official " entrance into my favorite season , Autumn . While " Fall " is another name for this season , I dislike the sound of it ; the term makes me think of things crashing to the ground ( I guess an unhappy side effect of working in hospitals with patients who are " fall risk " . ) Living in San Diego , we don 't get a lot of color changes in the city . We usually have palm - tree - green and drought - brown . However , once you leave the smog and traffic and enter into the mountain areas , that all changes . Freeway noises are softened into whispering leaves of a thousand colors , rustled by cool breezes . The sounds of slamming doors and ear - piercing smoke detectors are replaced by the hum of local animal life , with excited chirps and scampering , furry chipmunk feet . The heavy stink of diesel and full garbage dumpsters are immediately forgotten with the first inhalation of smoke from fireplaces and apple pie fresh out of the oven . I love reaching skyward , plucking a glowing orange leaf from its stem , and holding the cool , downy side to my cheek . Running my hands over pumpkins and gourds , enjoying their unique textures and shapes . The feeling of a soft scarf wrapped around my neck , and gloves warmed from sitting on the car dashboard . The first sip of hot apple cider under a full moon , and the laughter about the smidge of whipped cream on the tip of my nose . The explosion of color as squealing , giggling children pounce onto gigantic piles of gathered leaves . Taken outside the Parducci Winery in Ukiah , CA Autumn is a gift . The first day of this season is my " New Year " . I am attuned with our Earth on an entirely new level during this season . While we have such joys as Pumpkin Ale , hot cocoa with pounds of marshmallows , pumpkin pie Pop - Tarts ( amazing , you need to try these ) , and all that is cinnamon and nutmeg , this season offers reflection and beauty . Look up from the keyboards and cellphones and DayPlanners . Do you see that ? Can you feel that ? No matter what your faith , religion , or spirituality , have you ever felt so loved by something higher than yourself ?
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Well , I 'm a little late with the update , but a few weeks ago we made the voyage back down to San Francisco for a follow up visit for Milo . He was such a good baby on the way down . It 's hard for such a tiny person to travel so far . Taking a break to play with daddy at the gas station . It 's funny how normal seeing the red arches of the Golden Gate Bridge is for me now . I 've driven under them more in the past year than I probably have in my entire life . Having dinner at Buon Gusto in South SF . Chillin ' with Daddy at the hotel . Larkspur Landing in South San Francisco is turning into our home away from home . We actually tried a different hotel in a different part of town , but it didn 't work out for us . So after a quick trip onto Booking . com and a 20 minute cruise across town we found ourselves checking in at our usual digs for the night . We don 't usually go out and do things while we are in town since we don 't want to over tire Milo ( or ourselves ! ) and our appointments usually start at 8 : 30 in the morning ; but this time we managed to go out for dinner , which was fun . I 'm looking forward to the next time we go in February because we will be at the new children 's hospital in Mission Bay . That 's a hop skip and a jump up the 101 from our hotel instead of a 20 - 30 minute trek across town in rush hour traffic . * sigh * It 's the little things . Anyway , we started our day here at the Children 's Renal Center . Right away we could tell that the theme of the day was " go with the flow " . Turns out that by the end of the day we didn 't make a single one of our appointments on time for various reasons . The cool thing is that all of the staff people were very accommodating and the order of our appointments worked out better than we had planned it , for us and for Milo . Thank you God ! The doctor wasn 't in yet for the Renal center , so we decided to take Milo to get his blood drawn at the lab . It amazes me how easy it was for the staff person to get a draw from him . . . We tried and failed at 2 different hospitals here at home . Mr . Chunks ' arms wMonday , October 27 , 2014 I love Fall . It 's my favorite season of the year . Could be because I love being cozy from the cold . Could be because I like the feeling of a year ending . Could be because I was born in November . Whatever the reason , today I felt like celebrating the season by making myself a Gingerbread Latte . There it is ; frothy , spicy goodness in a mug . Just looking at it makes me happy . And the best part ( besides drinking it ) was that I didn 't have to hit the drive thru to get it . I was able to make and enjoy my drink at home for a fraction of the price they charge at the coffee shop . ( A 12oz GBL is $ 3 . 75 at Starbucks , and I think this cost me about $ 1 to make at home . ) Of course , I couldn 't resist the opportunity to share how to make this tasty & easy treat with everyone . So without further ado here it is . I hope you like it , and let me know in the comments if you do . Happy Fall ! Put the milk into a pint mason jar * and microwave for 2 minutes or until hot . Place the coffee in a large mug and stir in the boiled water until dissolved . Stir in the molasses , vanilla and ginger until fully combined . Using a potholder , remove the mason jar from the microwave and screw on the lid . Shake the jar vigorously for about a minute to make the milk nice and foamy . Unscrew the jar and pour the milk into the coffee mug using a spoon to reserve the foam in the jar . Use the spoon to incorporate milk into the coffee solution , then pour the foam from the jar on top of the latte . Garnish with a sprinkle of nutmeg if you 'd like & enjoy ! I had the thought that it would be fun to periodically post a weeks worth of pictures from my phone . It will be fun to look at these little collections as time goes on . This week we had lots of inside time since my kids were sick for half the week . Didn 't slow them down any ! Sunday : Playing with squash & gourds from the store . The kids are having their own little harvest party . Monday : Sleepy Mr . Milo , daddy getting the kids ready to go for a walk on our family day . Tuesday : unexpected kitchen helpersWednesday : Milo actually napped in the bouncer for the first time in weeks . Happy mommy did the dishes ! Thursday : Elliot with his " Bubba " hat . Friday : Norah stumbled out from nap time half awake with a blanket on her head . Poor sick girl . Saturday : This is a snapshot of my life ; ) " Mogocyco loooud ! " Shouts my son as he sits in the kitchen astride a Dole bananas box that we scored at Costco a few months back . Looking over to check in with Mr . Cuteness I ask " What are you doing Elliot ? " In his less - than - two - years baby speak with a big grin on his face he proceeds to tell me that he is going on a ride with his uncle and he is riding on the back of the bike . Two minutes later I find his sister on the floor in her banana box ( for something so cool we have to have 2 ) , and when I ask her what 's happening she says " I 'm fixing a lightbulb in my house . " What else have these boxes been this week ? A dining table . . . A truck . . . . . . and of course ( Mommy 's favorite ) , a step ladder to grab all kinds of " goodies " off the counter . I also saw them used as a stage , a drum , a refrigerator , a horse , a bicycle , and a helmet , and those were just the play ideas that I understood . It 's so funny to me how some simple cardboard boxes are some of the best toys that we have in the house . My kids love to use their imaginations , and a blank box holds the kind of potential for them that an artist sees on a white canvas or a writer sees in blank page . Of course for little children it 's not a conscious thought , they just love to create and be themselves . That 's an admirable quality , and a mental space that I wish I was in more often myself . Maybe I should get myself a cardboard box too ; ) . I turn to the scene of two toddlers frantically grabbing handfuls of the two dozen animal cookies that I 've set out on the counter for them to share . These two are stuffing penguins and bunnies into their cheeks as fast ( or faster ) than they can chew , just to spite each other ; obviously more concerned with keeping the food to themselves than with actually eating the snack . After some frustrated mommy coaching about sharing , I remind them that it 's important to slow down while eating since they won 't be able to enjoy their cookies while being worried about getting the next bite . The kids eyeball me in their usual " Sure . . . ok Mom " fashion . I give them each two more cookies and they scamper off to harass their dad for a reading of one of their favorite books . Five minutes later finds them cuddled on each side of my husband on the couch reading " We 're Going On A Bear Hunt " . I peek around the corner from the kitchen and can 't help but grin at the sweet little story huddle that 's happening in my front room . We have been reading that same book for two years running and they love it every time . Looking at my kids sitting together I am suddenly imagining them as 5 & 4 years old instead of 2 & 1 . Will they still love to cuddle with their favorite book , or will this moment be one of those that finds itself extinct and faded into history before we as parents realize what has happened ? For a few minutes my thoughts run this rabbit trail , as they often do , until I suddenly realize something . That little lecture I just gave my kids about enjoying their snack has an application for me as well . I may not have an issue with enjoying my cookies , but enjoying my life in the moment without worrying about what 's coming next is another story . It is tough to be satisfied with where you are in life . I know that I often find myself caught up in what I don 't have or dreaming about the future life I 'd love to be living ( take one look at my Pinterest account and you 'll know it 's true ) . Not that dreaming about the future is bad or desiring things is wrong in itself , it just depends on the precedence I give these things in my heart . I often find that the more time I spend thinking about the future , the less I am able to truly enjoy what I have today . So what 's a mama to do ? We all want to enjoy our daily lives . Something that helps me keep from worrying about the next bite of my proverbial cookie is practicing thankfulness . A long time ago a wise friend of mine told me that to combat bitterness and discontent in her life she journaled every night and wrote down three things from her day that she was thankful to God for . She said that it transformed her as a person and gave her a powerful perspective on life . I myself am a horrible journal keeper , but I do thank God every day for the small and important things in my life , like story time with my kids , a kiss from my husband , or 30 minutes of down time while I drink my coffee in the morning . Being continuously grateful allows for me to enjoy the life that I have to the fullest , no matter what my circumstances may be . It 's when I shift my focus to what 's " missing " that I feel my joy slipping away . It is so important to me to love the life God has given me because like John Piper says " God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him . " There is a lot of freedom that comes with living for today . When I feel thankful , I find that I am less concerned about what will happen with my kids and more able to enjoy them for who they are and what they do right now . I think that the more I embrace this approach to life , the more that kind of freedom will grow . It 's a freedom that my husband and I pray daily for , because it is a daily need for us and for our kids too . I hope that as time goes on that I will find that a thankful heart is the core of who I am rather than something I periodically struggle with , because when that happens , I will be having my cookies and eating them too . 1 comments : I just need to say what an incredibly good baby he is ! He slept the whole way down & only woke up 3 times to eat . The last time he woke up was right before crossing the Golden Gate . Talk about timing ! We wouldn 't have been able to easily pull over until we were out of the city . You should have seen Aaron pulling a Super Dad move & last minute crossing 3 lanes of rush hour traffic to get to the vista point parking lot , lol : ) . We slept pretty well in the hotel , which was good , because our appointments started at 8 am on Monday morning . I was happy to have all of our appointments in the same building this time around . All we had to do was hop in the elevator : ) . Our first appointment was with the kidney doctor who was tied up at the hospital , so we went up to our ultrasound appointment at Radiology instead . Milo was wide awake and playing with daddy in the waiting room . I 'm glad he was having fun before the appointment because the actual ultrasound didn 't make him very happy . He was a trooper though , and got through it just fine . The tech checked his kidneys and urinary system , then checked out his hips since our pediatrician at home felt " clicks " when he checked at our 2 week appointment . Immediately afterward we went upstairs to our Urology appointment to hear about the results from the ultrasound . Dr . Copp showed us a comparison of the ultrasound we just had and the last ultrasound from when he was born . Everything looks about the same , the swelling is still there , except that his ureters do look a bit less swollen , so that is good news . His abdomen is large , but not abnormally so . She said that 50 % of Hydronephrosis cases in boys will resolve themselves by 1 year of age . When I asked her about surgery she said that it wouldn 't likely be needed unless he has reoccurring infections . So the plan for now is to keep him on antibiotics for a year to prevent infection and then reassess things at that time . In the mean time we will be seeing her every 3 months for ultrasounds and monitoring his growth . After that appoicomments : I started to write an update when we first got back home , but after a week I realized that the things I had written about were not truly the things that I wanted to share with everyone , so I decided to wait to update later to give a better picture of how things are going for us . Our short time as a family of five has been very good and full and sometimes hard so far . We have been blessed to be able to ease into our new life slowly . Since Aaron is self employed and is able to set his own schedule , he has been spending mornings at home with us , and for the first few weeks his mom came to help me in the afternoons , which was wonderful . As for me , I have been relatively slow to mend from this pregnancy . Though I am fine now , it took me some time to recover mentally and physically from the birth experience ( which is a story that could be a post unto itself ! ) . This combined with the expected lack of sleep and acclimation to having three kids has made me very grateful for all of the help I have been getting ! ! : ) Being mom to 3 under 3 is going to be one of those unforgettable experiences in my life . What a beautiful and difficult thing it is . Every day is peppered with trials and triumphs alike as I attempt to meet the physical , mental and emotional needs of three tiny people . All things considered , we are doing pretty well , even though we all have our moments . Milo is doing great ! He had a bit of a dip in his weight at first and there were some concerns raised about jaundice during his first week , but since then he has been fine . He is growing steadily , is very strong , and is very tuned in to everyone around him . . . he reminds me a lot of Norah at this age . Not to mention , he is super cute ( I 'm not biased at all ; ^ D ) . We are continuing to get care for him in San Francisco . His next appointments are on Monday with the Children 's Renal Center , Radiology , and Pediatric Urology . That 's quite the mouthful now that I 've said it ! Through these appointments we will get a better idea of his current level of kidney function and take a look at what a long term plan for care will look like for mister man . We are hoping that his kidneys will be working fine , that they will be less swollen , and that surgery will not be needed . We are so thankful to everyone who has been praying for us and for those of you who have graciously given us financial support . I can 't begin to put to words how grateful I have been for all the people who have helped bear our physical and spiritual burdens . You guys are amazing . Every day I see this little baby boy , blessed by God to be alive , and can 't help but think of what a part of that miracle has had to do with everyone 's petitioning The Lord on our behalf . Thank you to you all . I will try to keep posting updates as I can manage . I have very busy with making our basic needs happen at home , but writing on here is important to me as well . It helps me keep in touch with everyone and also helps me to process out loud all that is going on here at home . It 's a win for everyone : ) Hi everyone , sorry that it has been so long since I 've updated here . The last few days have been completely crazy for us , and a lot of it feels like a blur to me . I am going to cover a lot of ground quickly since so much has happened for us since I last updated on Tuesday . So , the plan had been to induce labor on Thursday , since that is when Mr . Man would have been full term , but Monday morning when I got up for the day I was not doing well at all . My blood pressure was very high , my sense of balance was all but gone , I was having pain in my chest , and I was altogether not doing well . I felt like a red warning light was flashing on my insides . Something was really wrong and I started to panic a bit . Fortunately , the resident MD who had been seeing me everyday for a week acknowledged the drastic change in my otherwise calm demeanor and noted that since my symptoms were getting worse that it would probably be wise to move my induction up to Tuesday . That night they started me back on a magnesium sulfate drip , antibiotics , and on a medicine to soften my cervix . In the morning they used a foley bulb to open everything up and see if labor would take off on it 's own . . . but it didn 't ( surprise , surprise ) . Hey , at least Aaron & I got in a few good games of Scrabble ; ) My body continued to stay in the holding pattern it had been in since I arrived in SF , so in the afternoon they started me on a drip of pitocin . The nurse we had was wonderful & very capable , and she made the whole process seem really close to how my other normal labors have progressed . By 6 : 00 , they could tell that labor was happening full tilt and they stopped the pitocin drip . By 7 : 00 , it was time to catch a baby . My otherwise quiet delivery room exploded with at least a dozen doctors and nurses , and @ 7 : 33 with just 3 or 4 pushes Milo Beckham Souza arrived on the scene . It was nice to have some time to get to know him and enjoy him that night . He is a very sweet , mellow baby with a great attitude . He sleeps a lot more than Norah & Elliot did at this age , comments : Raising Honor is about seeing motherhood in light of God 's grace . Here you will find my thoughts about life , raising 4 kids , and sometimes a project or recipe here and there . welcome !
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Thursday 's karaoke was kinda strange . There was a family from Mumbai in town for Diwali with their very fat 10 year old out of boarding school . He was ' entertaining ' us with rap songs with quite a bit of language that most of us would deem unsuitable for a 10 year old . . . . I managed to get a bit of singing in before the large Indian fellow in a pink shirt ( who rather fancied himself ) took over doing Hindi numbers for the rest of the night . Oh well . Friday I was put on hold for the stupid Metallica concert which of course didn 't go ahead so what a total waste of time that was . As if you couldn 't have predicted that there would have been ' technical and logistical issues ' . . . . . . But the Formula One has been fun - I have been teaching Raj the finer points of F1 . Because I learned to drive in Bankstown ! Last night was another night of singing and dancing my way into the hearts of hapless drinkers . Had loads of fun and NO BLUE DRINKS . Adi , sadly , was in the mood to sink too much alcohol and kept jumping up on the seat then saying Oh Judy I am so drunk and nodding off on me for 2 nano seconds before leaping up to sing . Oddball . Today I am on a quest to find the man from the office here who has my passport and money which I wanted changed into $ . I do hope I find him soon . . . I 'd better ask Raj when he gets back from the paan shop . Final F1 race today let 's hope nobody dies like the last 2 weekends in motorsport . I am assuming that Neal and Rhonda got their stupid Qantas flight yesterday before Qantas was shut down . Didn 't I say all the free fizz in the world at Qantas club doesn 't make flying Qantas OK ? Didn 't I ? So with any luck they are cooling their heels in Hong Kong before flying to Nepal via Bangladesh this evening ( as you do . . . such a direct route ! ) . And if I get my passport back I 'll see them tomorrow . About a squillion crore rupees up in smoke last night . It was fairly quiet ( and that is of course all relative here in India ! ) until after everyone had performed their Lakshmi Puja , then whacko off it went , non stop till goodness only knows when . I gave up and put the a / c on ( who the hell could breathe what was passing for fresh air I shall never know ) and stuck in the ear plugs . Bliss . So yesterday was a fairly quiet one at home , with family visitors coming through . Then Raj and his wonderful sister and her family went out for lunch , so I was home alone having a wonderful quiet time when my darling friend Manish turned up to wish me festive greetings . I don 't think I have ever seen anyone look quite so handsome in a striped kurta shirt as he did yesterday . No , really ! And here he was , to give me a present and a kiss . What a lucky girl ! Anyone who wants more than that is just plain greedy . I am just having what has turned out to be an extremely pointless and stupid Facebook conversation with someone in Nepal . . . I asked him ( since he runs a trekking agency and has some people in the area ) how a couple of villages are after the earthquake and landslides . Fine didi he says . Oh so all the houses are rebuilt and everything . Oh no , he says , no houses left no schools . Deep breath . OK Einstein , so where are the people living ? Or are they all dead ? He tells me that they are ' camping ' . So , I venture , what in particular about THAT makes you say everyone up there is ' fine ' you bloody idiot ! no answer . . . . Then I asked what about food . The reply , and I can 't believe I am writing this , is ' They had some extra foods ' . Yeah maybe they did 6 weeks ago . I bet they don 't now . And winter is closing in . Fack ! ! ! It is no wonder that country is disappearing up it 's own drainpipe when you have idiots saying everyone is fine because they are at about 3500m altitude , with winter coming , no fuel , a sheet of plastic to live under and no food . Yeah fabulous . Oh well . Meanwhile , I went to the hair do emporium this morning - got up and found mysePosted by Delhi cops used to take ' Fat Sweaty Coppers ' to new heights - or should I say widths ? But no more . All hail the plan for the Brave New World . That 's right , firecrackers and strings of lights EVERYWHERE in Delhi now . Only 2 days to go before the big night when we shall all no doubt choke on the smoke , if the week leading up to it is any indication . Seriously dodgy looking corrugated tin open fronted shacks are springing up all over town to sell fireworks , and right now in our garden a well dressed young man in very pointy shoes is up a ladder with yet more lights - the trees here are more bloody electric than environment at the moment . After I last wrote I managed to get food poisoning ( not from anything blue ) and so spent 2 days existing on lemonade and a piece of toast . So I wasn 't much fun . But I did enjoy the 2 good results in the Rugby and well done New Zealand for hanging on against the French - that was one tough match . Last night got a tandoori chicken home delivery ( thanks Manish ) which I had to stop myself from completely devouring in record time , and now feel much better . Brave Sir Robin and the girls meanwhile have been testing my patience again . I got the call on Saturday morning that they wanted to have a dessert , and could I please send thru a steamed pudding recipe . None of them can cook , or even have a remote idea about batter etc , so I found the simplest recipe I could and sent it over 5 SMSs to them . Now , BSR is always telling me what a fantastic judge of space and volume he is , whereas I am apparently crap at it . The recipe called for 125g of flour , so I said 250g is one cup , 125g is therefore half a cup . Obvious really . Oh , and I must point out that to call them I usually tried for an hour or so nonstop before getting thru . If I was lucky . Anyway , finally late Saturday I got thru to them just as the pudding was coming out , oh we didn 't get the quantities right says Robin because . . . . . we only had small cups . . . . what a dick . He then engaged in conversation with everyone else for some time while I was shouting down the phone ' if you want to talk to them I will hang up and see you in Nepal next month ! ' . That got his attention . . . . Anyhoo , they are now heading via an unexpected route to Srinagar , which they should reach by next weekend all being well , though it is going to be very cold they have been assured that the crew this time around aren 't a bunch of panzies . Hopefully . They sure don 't make them tough like Nepalis here in India . I tried doing this on my iPad a few minutes ago but could only manage a title and no body text . Useful . SO here I go again on the Macbook . Now what was happening . Monday I went at peak hour to CP on the metro which was surprisingly civilised , and got my changed again plane ticket . And had to fight off and shout at touts who were trying to get me to go to the market or their friends blasted shops . Had breakfast on the way home because the person who contributes nothing in terms of money or food to the house ate all my bread and peanut butter . I 'm too old to be living in shared accommodation like this ! Anyway then went off to Khan market for the nth time to check the final dress which still wasn 't right so I told him to give up and make a shirt instead , to be collected on Wednesday . Then Raj finally appeared from his mysterious 2 day trip to some mango orchards and we had dinner and some drinks . Tuesday was a busy one as BSR called me in a flap to say that the 3 weeks rations they had were finished after 2 weeks because the cook and 2 of the porters were crooks and I would have to get them sacked and get a replacement team . Great . So I rang the agency and shouted at them , and said that if they did not fix it ASAP I would personally ensure that the whole world knows how CRAP Indians are at arranging trekking . Oh and the crew were scared of snow . FFS . I wasn 't feeling quite right by this time , so was enlived totally by this challenge ( not ) . Raj and I had also decided to get some decorations to do up the house for Diwali so off we went , with little Kana the Japanese student driving the whopping great Landcruiser round Delhi to AG Roy Marg where all the traditional Diwali stuff is sold . By about 9 . 30 I was so cold and sleepy I felt like dying . I crawled into bed with blankets etc on and was unable to breathe , and got no sleep all night . I had a pounding headache , awesome fever and a horrible rash , and my guts didn 't feel too good either . Took several handfuls of anything I could grab , and thank goodness someone got me a hPosted by What a god awful pair of rugby games that was . . . Crummy French Irish ref who sent the Wales captain off and then what the Wallabies were doing I cannot say . . . . So now I owe another 50 bucks and should probably give up on picking teams in comps . Had a fairly quiet one yesterday what with the rugby being on in the middle of the day , but I did manage to change my ticket for Kathmandu to the 31st so I can have some more time here in Delhi before I get back to no power land . I 'll have to go on the wonderful Metro again today - I can 't wait to see what shenanigans are happening in the ladies compartment . . . And in some jolly airline news from Nepal I give you these : A flight for Lukla had some fun and gamesA cargo flight had a bumpy landingAnd a good reason to hang on to your luggageAnd you wonder why I am convinced that I 'm going to go in a plane crash in Nepal . . . . . On a lighter front however , the government is really concerned about what the citizens think . Either that , or surely this MUST be a joke . As if the phones would ever work anyway ! I 'm thinking of opening a karaoke bar in Katty . But because of the power cuts of course I need a way to do it without electricity . So I thought it could be ' unplugged ' but how do the performers read the words ? What do you reckon about having someone hold up the lyrics printed on cards . . . With a torch shining on them in the dark of course . It could be such fun . Robin and the girls appear to be about halfway to Srinagar and any week now I am expecting a call . . . That night I went with friends to Underdoggs , a particularly classy sports bar . There was miles of security and we thought it was because the cops found loads of RDX up the road in Ambala earlier that day . But no , it was because Salman Khan and Sanjay Dutt ( who shares my birthday but I look better ) from BIGG BOSS ( India 's Big Brother ) were coming . I think Manish really wanted to check them out but we stopped him . Anyway , we had some food and beers and I managed to lose my double or nothing bet from the T20 last week when I backed NSW and then RCB , by playing some dreadful pool against Manish who has obviously spent too much time in pool joints . This establishment also has a game where there are drinks lined up on either end of a table ( much like 10 pin bowling ) and each team of 2 has to try to get a ball into the other end 's cup . Then the loser drinks . Frankly any game that involves the constant requirement for a mop and bucket should be a worry . And my goodness the girl who lost wasn 't very well . Glad I avoided that one . So to Saturday , where I watched Wales suffer an ignominious defeat at the hand of a crappy rugby ref . Well what do you expect he speaks French . And I didn 't bet on them so it was nothing to do with me . Benningans was chockers when I arrived but luckily my seat was saved . I had just opened a beer when the girl next to me suggested I try her wonderful looking cocktail . So I did . And I liked it . So I ordered one and downed it sharpish ! Then beer , then another Cosmopolitan and I was ready to rock ! Adi and I dancing while Manish sang . Awesome . It was decided that Adi shouldn 't have vodka and coke anymore but that a blue shot of god knows what might be good . And because Manish was driving he couldn 't have one so he convinced me to join Adi . Great idea . Tops . Cheers . Thanks guys . Love you heaps ; ) And so after getting home about 2am I was woken by the god botherers out the back at stupid o ' clock so gave in and got up . I decided to change my flight from here to the end of the month so that I have more time here for fun and also only need a 30 day visa for Nepal . Instead of the only other option of a 90 day one . So now I get to go back into CP on the metro tomorrow to get my new ticket , and then Khan market for my final frock at the tailors . PHEW . And of course in another hour we have the Wallabies . . . I hope they win cos I bet 50 on them and if I lose I may be forced into another double or nothing pool game . And we all know what will happen there . Anyone who has been to the subcontinent will understand that road rules are somewhat haphazard . In Pakistan there used to be signs that said ' Lane driving is sane driving ' . We figured that here they would have to say ' Lane driving is lame driving ' . Nobody is in the least bit interested in staying in their lane , and every last bit of space is taken up . Which makes for some great traffic jams . I spent about an hour trying to go about 10 kms yesterday . What a waste of time . Speaking of time wasting and oxygen bandits , Yahoo customer care ( ha ) sent me an email to say that there have been other users with the same mail unaccess as me . So they asked some ID questions and then sent me THE SAME STUPID RESPONSE . What a bunch of losers . Last night was Hindi karaoke night and since I don 't know Hindi and can 't sing I spent my time drinking , gossiping and dancing . Which seemed like a good idea at the time . Today for penance I went to the post office - there 's 90 minutes of my life I 'll never get back . There seems to be something about trying to do things on a Friday here that has me jinxed . I finally got to the tailors on Wednesday ( with the same taxi driver who got me lost on Monday night ) and the fellow has done a sterling job on my clothes , so tomorrow I go to collect them . We have had an almost never ending stream of guests and drop - ins here at soap opera central . I can never work out who is here for business or pleasure . People just wander in and out , get cups of tea , even curl up for a sleep ! etc - yesterday I had to drink vodka at lunchtime with one lovely fellow who is back today and wants me to have more vodka . Possibly NOT a good idea . Enjoy the weekend . Go the Wallabies ! As regular readers will know , my email has been playing up since the end of September . I have written to Yahoo every day with no success . After their last stupid email this morning here is what I sent them : DO ENJOY ! Dear Robot , I think you must be a robot as a human would surely have read the trail of emails about this . I will assume that you are a robot that was trained in English . Therefore , I expect that you will be able to follow the content of this email . I apologise in advance if you are easily offended . I have typed these things till I am blue in the face , but WTF I apparently have nothing better to do with my time . Since 30 September I have had trouble with my Yahoo email address which is xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMy husbands email which is yahoo works fine on the same computers and same internet connection . I have sent requests etc to Yahoo every day since then , and I still have the same problem . I get automated stupid responses then a follow up which does not address the issue and when I write again the loop starts anew . I have attached a document of what I think are the highlights of this marvellously pointless exercise . Just a few suggestions for next time this happens to people . You may choose to implement them or not , I really don 't care because I will never use your crummy ' service ' again . . . If someone says they can 't log in to their email , why do you send an information request to that email ? DumbIf someone says they have carried out all the tasks suggested in your mail , and followed everything on the laughably named HELP page , and still their email doesn 't work , why do you continue to tell them that YOU are happy to report you couldn 't replicate the error . WE don 't care that YOU are happy . We are NOT . Why do you ask for screenshots and suggest people use an alt tab function when they have advised right from the start they use an ipad and there are NO SUCH KEYS . In fact , why even bother sending ridiculous automated template replies to people that say you will be happy to help within 24 hours . I have been waitingPosted by What an odd week it has been , and we are only up to Wednesday . Hmm where to begin . . . . Monday afternoon perhaps . . . After having left over puris for lunch with my friend Manish and a chap called Ajoy ( nicknamed Butch I know not why ) Manish and I wandered up to the cake shop for some muffins , then we had a bit of a business meeting thing about a website while I kept trying to get my Yahoo email to work since the Indian call centre fix only worked briefly . Which is better than the Australian one . . . Manish was helping out with karaoke on Monday night in a bar on the rooftop of a mall in Gurgaon but couldn 't give me a lift , no worries I will get a taxi since the driver was busy . Well I could have taken the metro but really . . . . Gurgaon is about 25 k away . So I managed to get a taxi eventually and gave him very precise directions viz turn left out of the enclave , U turn at the junction and just go straight . For reasons I shall never know he did something else , then finally dropped me at what I believed was the correct mall and tried to overcharge me by saying he had no meter , although when I booked the taxi I was told it had a meter . So we argued for a time and I shoved Rs500 at him and got out . Wandered all around the wrong mall and then rang Manish . He couldn 't work out where I was so asked me to go into the street ( which incidentally was unlit and no cabs around ) to try to spot any landmarks . I couldn 't so I walked down the street in the dark past guys peeing into the bushes and thought that perhaps it wasn 't such a good idea , when I chanced upon a truckstop and found a random bloke who was only half drunk and asked him in English to speak to Manish on the phone in Hindi . I gave him the phone and he talked to Manish in English then me in Hindi . Finally I got the phone back and Manish gave me some directions , then my helpful drunk friend 's face lit up and he stopped a really crappy passing bus and so I got on . I was the only female and when I told Manish he was horrified . Where are you , don 't hang up he kept saying . FinalPosted by I think that game took 10 years off my life . Especially as it was only 10 . 30 here in India and way too early for a glass of wine . I was trying to teach the finer points of the game to Raj , my delightful India host who finally returned from Japan . Since he arrived on Saturday evening the house has returned to some sort of normality - the cushions are all out on the garden furniture and shopping has been done by someone other than me . And I have a distraction from listening to CA recite inspirational poetry by Sri Aurobinda ( Jai Mata ! he always adds at the end , to indicate just how marvellous it is ) . Enough to drive me mad . And why he continues to tell me I should : get up before dawn , sit cross legged ( with MY knees ? ) , eat only paneer ( Indian cottage cheese ) , chapattis and tulsi tea ( herbal stuff that you can 't put milk and sugar in and contains precisely no caffeine ) , and hang out at the ashram all day I cannot imagine . No thanks mate I 'm watching the rugby . Then the cricket . With a beer . Jai Mata ! Still not a lot of news from BSR but if you check out SPOTWALLA you will know as much as I do . Which is not much ! This morning Raj took me for breakfast in Old Delhi - haven 't been there for 10 years so will do a bit of sightseeing later this week on the fabulous metro and perhaps I can get groped again . Here is a picture of breakfast : the dough thing is a puri , with pickle , spicy chick pea and different spicy potato . And speaking of puri , I can 't believe I forgot to tell you about The Worst Thing I Have Ever Drunk . ( Thanks to sriniv for the flickr photo . ) Had it at a lovely restaurant called Punjabi By Nature . It is a smaller version of the puri pictured and you place a small hole in the top , pour in the vodka mixed with cumin , black pepper , raw mango or tamarind . I put one with cumin in my mouth ( how bad could it be I thought ) and half of it came straight back out onto the plate . Meanwhile the others are looking at me going oh that looks like it is awful , and I was wondering how the hell I was going to swallow it or get rid of it . No potted plants so I had to swallow . YUCKO . It came with a free beer and I know why . Even over a week later my stomach churns at the thought . It was worse then Gammeldansk which was the previous winner , even over salt butter tea . And boy did my guts suffer next day . made me wish I 'd gotten a hangover instead . But of course I didn 't drink more than 1 . Even BSR who can normally drink anything had a look of horror on his face when he went for the raw green mango flavour . And chipmunk cheeks ! So I have been sticking to beer and rum since then rather sensibly I think . Most days I wander up to the SDA ' Rainbow ' market to get some dinner ( before Raj arrived anyway ) and stop at the local Beer and Wine shop to get a bottle of beer to bring home . I think I am getting a reputation as nice ladies wouldn 't go there . The place was a real treat on Friday night about 9 pm as the staff barricaded themselves in behind cases of beer and dispensed 330ml bottles only ( except to me of course ) . Oh please don 't ! These are the 5 scariest words you can hear in India , especially around Connaught Place . How did I forget that ? Especially in CP ? Let me explain . Yesterday I had to achieve 2 things only , which is 1 too many but there you have it . First , change plane ticket dates for return to the ' du , and second , go to Mr Gopal the tailor in Khan Market . 1 . Since the tickets were booked online with Jet , go to Jet website . Discover unable to change online . Ring office , spend 25 minutes on the blower to get them changed BUT I have to go into their CP office to pay $ 10 to change my ticket but not Robin 's as mine was a different fare but we are on the same booking and paid the same price , to travel on the same dates , go figure . OK so far , considering . 2 . Decide to combine shopping trips and go outside to find the driver . Madam , says the chowkidar , not here . When is he coming ? I don 't know . Fine , go back upstairs grab material , passports etc etc and walk up to the shops to get an auto to the metro . Cos I learnt my lesson about walking there the other day when I almost melted . On the way to the shops I see an elephant complete with mahout gossiping to the ironing man on the corner - the mahout was gossiping , not the elephant . 3 . Descend into metro and decide to buy a Smartcard ( yes NSW transport , even India can manage to have them ! ! ! ) and while I am at the service counter I hear manic screaming coming from the escalator gliding up from the platform . There appeared an elderly Muslim gentleman and a younger thuggish fellow who were going at each other and the elderly guy was really giving it to him . There were some cops and security trying to separate them , and finally they got them into the glass room where all we could see was the old guy trying to strangle the young bloke . Tickets please ! 4 . Finally got on the metro and managed to get a seat . Win ! However , when I went to get off at CP with about 10 , 000 others the crush was unbelievable . The people getting on don 't wait for those getting off , and there was a poor disabled fellow in front of me who was getting seriously stomped as he tried to get off . So I stuck my elbows out , started screaming and made like a crazed chicken flapping my way out , trying to help this poor chap get out . It was a very attractive sight , but even after he managed to get out people trampled him and he ended up on the ground with people just running over him . Delhi people are SO rude . 5 . This is the fun bit . CP is 3 circles , and you need to know which one you want , or which block . I thought I wanted G but I really wanted P or something like that . Now , CP is where all the gormless recently arrived foreigners hang out ( a bit like Circular Quay at home ) so any foreign face is fair game . I had forgotten this . As I wandered around in ever decreasing circles , about to disappear up my own backside , a fellow offered to help . Yes madam Jet airways come I will show you . And promptly led me to a carpet shop . Oh look I said Jet Airways also sells carpet . He didn 't get the joke . I set off again only to have someone take me to their friend 's travel agency trying to sell me a ticket to Agra . No thanks . Then someone said his brother had a nice jewellery shop and perhaps I should just go there and avoid all these bad fellows trying to sell me things ! ! Finally I stood there shouting at the guy saying Gandhi ji would be appalled at their behaviour ( that usually stops them ) and he showed me where Jet airways was , and he was right . 6 . Back to the delights of the Delhi metro with tickets in hand , but no carpet or jewellery , still carrying my large bag of fabric , headed for Khan Market , change at Central Secretariat for the violet line ! Luckily the tailor was IN and I dropped of my frocks to copy , my material and my measurements . He isn 't sure if he has the machine for jersey , but he knows someone7 . The trip home in the Ladies Carriage was horrific . It was very crowded , and not just with ladies . There were some most unsavoury fellows in there ogling ( eve teasing it 's called here ) the women , and rushing into seats when women were standing , so one local lady took such exception that she started chastising them for their rude behaviour . She then pointed at me and I believe she was telling them how bad they make India look to foreigners . Fair point madam . After she got off and the carriage got more crowded one of these boys moved near me and was staring at me , I ignored him so he stuck his hand on my upper lady parts . I gave him a slap and offered to take him to the police . He didn 't want to go . 8 . I got home and had a drink . Then I had another . Then Captain Ashram came in looking all radiant and asked if I knew anyone interested in ecological sheep washing . Time for another drink . Ah Nehru Place , what a fine address for fabrics . The 4 at the top ( jersey and georgette ) are for copies of dresses I currently own , and the 3 cottons at the bottom are for kurta shirts . Tomorrow I will have to go the the tailor in Khan market to begin the process of copy and sew ( as opposed to copy and paste ) . Hey , one of the fabrics is plain ! Louela , a lovely Indian teacher who lives where I am staying , came with me , and kept saying " Oh Judy you pick such bright colours . Just like a peacock ! " then laughing away . We ran out of money so had to come back home . But before shopping we fortified ourselves with a dosa lunch from the place in Green Park , AB , and some sweets from downstairs . Don 't think I shall need much dinner . As it is Dussehra today I might wander to the park to see if there are any fireworks going on . I saw the locals were busy putting up decorations etc when I got back form the shops . Apparently that is the done thing in Delhi . All afternoon trucks were going on the main road with statues of gods and goddesses and loads of boys playing drums and singing . Could be fun ! If you have been watching Robin 's Spot page you will see they didn 't get too far today . Maybe it was too cold . Maybe he had a birthday lie in . I wouldn 't know . . . . . Don 't know why I didn 't think of this solution earlier . Instead of emailing yahoo Australia who were clearly in ' grand final long weekend who gives a rats ' mode , I emailed Yahoo India and got fixed in an hour . Of course , India is the home of the help desk . Foolish woman ! And my cable finally got up and running so I can enjoy the Rugby World Cup , T20 cricket and news that I can understand . I told you last year about the shouty flashy news here and it hasn 't improved . One I saw last night had about 6 different flashy things going on at once while the reporter shouted from out the front of some building . Pass the paracetamol . My eye infection is getting better too . Pity I can 't use my new contact lenses just yet . Hey get this , I was at the shop in Khan market the other day and the man said oh , we can have those for you about 7 this evening can you come back ? Oh no , I said , I don 't have a driver ( all foreigners here have a driver as you 'd be nuts to try it yourself ) , so he said well madam where are you living we will deliver them for you . So later a little man on a motorbike came with my 3 boxes of contact lenses which cost me $ 100 Aussie and no fee for delivery . Think I might get some more ! No further news from Brave sir Robin ( it is his birthday today ) and the girls . I don 't expect a phone call for a week or so , but I should get a Spot most days . Make sure you check out the shared page to see where he is . And sympathise with me trying to do a weather forecast that he probably won 't get . I think I should just say clear and cold and leave it at that . ever since I got here on Friday my email has been playing up and in fact is all but inaccessible . I can log in to Yahoo but whenever I try email it throws me out . I have now sent about 12 angry HELP ME messages to ' customer service ' at Yahoo with the only response being an email from some bloke called Don who asked me to reply to some questions , and when I did the email bounced back saying ' we don 't check this email address anymore ' . How completely useless . And infuriating . I managed to be able to check it briefly the other day by piggybacking on Robin 's other mail server on the iPad , but now I can 't even do that because the server crashed . Or something . HTF am I supposed to run a Logistics Empire if I can 't access email ? So to anyone who has been emailing me . . . sorry . In other irritating news , the cable TV that was supposedly fixed Sunday Monday Tuesday is still not working so I am stuck with Hindi shouty news and Jerry Springer . I got an eye infection yesterday and that hurts , AND the driver got back today so I arranged with him to go shopping . Yes madam he says . Then I got back from the chemist with my eye drops and the chowkidar ( guard ) said the driver had taken the car somewhere , maybe one hour , so I said fine when he comes you come upstairs and get me . 4 hours later I have given up . It is like Fawlty Towers here when the grownups are away . Captain Ashram who you may remember from last time is too ethereal to be bothered with such stuff , and also thinks if you keep piling dirty dishes in the sink ( which is full of water and floaty things ) the washing up fairy might appear . The house servant is away for a week or so and I am convinced CA was not going to wash up , so I started to and got yelled at . But it STINKS . So I waited till he left and did what I could without any detergent . . . Honestly it would be so much better if one of the house owners was here . Drives me to drink . Short trip . Oh and it is The Festival and Durga puja in the open ground right next to my room a huge tamasha ( more like a schemozzle ) is going on with a giant marquee and a very loud band . I expect it will continue for few days . It usually does . Hopefully tonight I 'll be heading out with Manish the karaoke bloke from last year . For some sensible conversation and dinner and drinks . Today I went back to sleep after being woken at 4am as the happy trekkers were loading into the car for a 16 hour drive to Manali . I arose many hours later and after breakfast and some internetverk threw myself womanfully into the business of shopping . I wandered up to the local Metro station ( hadn 't been there before ) and whizzed off to Khan market for a spot of shopping . Almost over exerted myself so stopped for a beer and some chilli chicken before the Metro trip home and the long walk in the heat with my shopping . Ladies , DO take the ladies compartment if you travel on the Metro .
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Posted on May 22 , 2012 by jennifergilliland Reply Today we had a guest speaker come talk to our class . I think I 've mentioned her before but if I haven 't , her name is Linda Lewis and she is a professor here at Regents and specializes in PR . She 's been talking about the phone hacking scandal and today she really went into detail about everything . I was in London when most of the drama was happening last year but there has been many more incidents that make the story even crazier . To sum it up : the London newspaper , News of the World , has been hacking into phones to get stories . They have tapped celebrities , the royal family , politicians and some people in the military . They just recently charged Rebecca Brooks , who was the editor of the News of the World . It has been fascinating to hear all about the scandal and what not . I think the whole country is overreacting a bit and I think that the only reason this story is big is because the rival papers are continuing to cover the story to put the News of the World out of business . However , that is my opinion on this whole topic but I still like hearing about it . We had class and then some of us decided to go to the Victoria and Albert Museum in Kensington . The main reason for us going was to see the ball gown exhibit and of course , it was not open . So we wandered around for a bit and then decided to go to the Orangery for some high tea . Walking around Kensington Park might be my favorite thing to do in London . I absolutely love that area and so enjoyed just sitting and having my tea . I always feel so British when I drink tea ! Posted on May 15 , 2012 by jennifergilliland Reply If you know me , then you know how scattered I can be at times . This can be proven by taking a look at the things I packed for this trip . I knew that I was coming to London and failed to bring anything that would help me with the weather conditions . Today , it was freezing and rainy . I decided to give the cloak a rest because it was getting me too much attention and I didn 't want to make more people jealous by wearing it . So I wore one of Carolines extra rain jackets . I would later regret the decision to keep the cloak at home . After that I decided to go with the group since Caroline was off doing her last - minute things before she left . The group wanted to go to the Sherlock Holmes exhibit . Big regret . It was so stupid . So after that bust , the question came up as what to do next . I suggested we go to Buckingham Palace and Green Park because we had about three hours to kill before having to get ready for a play we would be seeing in the evening . Most of the group decided to stay around Baker Street and do some shopping so Anna Geary ( my roommate ) and I decided to go see Buckingham Palace and Green Park . Once we arrived there we intended on seeing the Queen 's Gallery times and prices but ended up going to see Da Vinci 's Anatomist . This was something I wanted to see because it contained Da Vinci 's work but I had no idea what I was really about to see . My mind was blown . I knew he was a genius but had no idea just how brilliant this man was . If only he had published his work , then I firmly believe our knowledge of science and the human body would be so much more advanced than it is currently . Not to mention his drawings are so accurate ! He looked at the insides of animals and assumed how they would be for a human . He was able to explore the human body on several deceased bodies only to find out his drawings were correct . He searched the body of a man who died at the age of 100 who was perfectly healthy . He found some sort of liver disease that wouldn 't be discovered until I believe 1920 . I don 't remember if that is accurate but it was something crazy like that ! It was unreal ! I also didn 't know that Da Vinci was left - handed but wrote from right to left and mirrored because he thought that was easier . After being completely amazed by Da Vinci , we started walking back to Green Park Underground to head back home to get food and start getting ready for the play . It was at this moment I regret not taking the cloak . All of a sudden it started pouring . I had just enough time to get my camera back in my purse and to zip the jacket half way up before little bits of hail started to hit my face . Then we started running and no that did not help . It was a good 100 yards till we were safely in the underground . After that we decided to run into a small diner on the street corner and grab some dinner and try to wait out the rain . Then we met two " chuggers " . A man came up to me and asked if I had a pound that I could give for a good cause . I said I had nothing but paper money then he proceeded to ask if I had a cell phone to which I replied yes but it doesn 't work because I 'm not from here . He had a chuckle and said " so you 're telling me you have a phone but it doesn 't work ? That 's messed up " . I said I would donate money if I had anything on me but I didn 't . He laughed and we said goodbye . I turned around to get money with Anna at the ATM and on our way home we ran into them again . They then explained that they were known as " chuggers " which means charity mugger . That could quite possibly be my new favorite name for someone asking for charity money . Loved it . We got back to the dorm and threw on a dress ( and cloak ) and headed to the theatre to see Sweeney Todd . I was not that excited about seeing this but I figured I had already paid for it so I might as well . The first act went by very quickly , that 's probably because I accidentally dozed off . The second half was great ! I got a mini ice cream and it was awesome ! ! ! Posted on May 14 , 2012 by jennifergilliland Reply Today was my first day of class . I fell asleep . Sorry Dr . Fullerton ! In reality I only dozed off for a few minutes but it was definitely a nap that provided power ! So far the class is really cool ! I love Dr . Fullerton and I 'm super pumped to get to learn from her for another three weeks . After class Caroline and I start our journey to the set of Harry Potter . When I say journey , it was literally a journey . Several underground and overground trains later , a bus and a quick sprint to the ticket booth , we set foot inside the building that would soon take our attention for the next three hours . This was actually a super cool event . I am not much of a Harry Potter fan but this made me super excited about the movie and completely blew my mind ! The entire exhibit is on the actual lot that Warner Bros shot everything . We got to see the Horcruxes , the Griffindor Boys Dorm , costumes , wigs , Dumbledore 's office , the wands , the monsters and Dobby . So since Caroline is a bit of a Harry Potter fanatic , she took her time throughout everything and ended up being behind me . I would run through everything once and then show her where the really important things were . When I came across the Horcruxes , I took lots of pictures and moved on . When I showed them to Caroline , this is what she did . Today , I wore a cloak . But to begin with this story , I must take you back to before my trip even left . I told my mother that I needed a rain jacket because it rains quite a bit in London . She said that she had a rain coat that would definitely keep me dry but that it was her favorite so I should take care of it . I tried it on and at the time it seemed fine ( and free ) . Fast forward to today . It is the first day it has rained in London so I needed my rain jacket / coat . I grabbed it and went out the door . Once arriving to the Harry Potter world , I realized that my coat looked more like a cloak . After getting off the bus to enter the exhibit a girl turns and says to me " Wow , you wore a cloak and everything " . I continued to wear my " cloak " because it was cold and because I was getting some weird looks . Today , I wore a cloak on accident to a Harry Potter convention . So that was petty much my day . It was crazy cool and so funny ! It was a great day with the cloak ( thanks mom ) . After that we headed back to Green Park and had , yet again , Prezzo ! Then back to Piccadilly to get a crepe and back to the hotel so that I could blog about this epic day ! Posted on May 14 , 2012 by jennifergilliland Reply Sorry for the delay on photos ! Here are just a few from my travels ! If you know me , then you know I had a hard time picking these select 14 ! Ha HAPPY MOTHERS DAY ! ! Posted on May 13 , 2012 by jennifergilliland Reply Today we woke up and went to Hillsong London for church . We got a little sidetracked with some of the underground stations being closed but we made it there with plenty of time to stand around and get noticed by some of the greeters . Two women came up and started asking us where we were from , if it was our first time and so on and so on . They then invited us to sit with them in their " regular spot " . We agreed since we didn 't really know anyone else . We followed them straight to the middle aisle , second row . BEST SPOT IN THE HOUSE . The theater the church meets at holds about 2 , 000 people and we were basically front row . But it wasn 't the incredible seats that made this the best church service I 've ever been too ; it was the worship team and the captivating guest speaker from Miami . The music was incredible . I can 't even put into words how amazing they all sounded and the words they sung were so moving ! I loved it ! The speaker was RIch Wilkerson from Miami and he was hilarious . He preached on the prodigal son but mainly on the other brother . He talked about how Jesus never called it the prodigal son story but said that it was a story about two brothers because both were vital parts that the crowd needed to hear . He spoke with such passion and enthusiasm for Christ it was sad to hear it end . Then I had to get back to the hotel to pack and move into my dorm at the Regents College . I did have a minor panic attack because I couldn 't figure out where and how I was going to get there and get checked in . But the Lord is gracious and helps those in distress . Boy , did He help me when I tried getting to this location ! So I dropped my bags and immediately we out exploring my new home ! Caroline and I walked through Regents Park which surrounds the college . This is the most unreal place I 've ever seen ! It is so beautiful ! There is a small pond that wraps around the college that separates the college from the park . It is stunning ! ! I 'm in love already ! We then caught the train and wandered over to Westminster . We walked into the service but decided we were both too tired to stay awake during a two - hour long service . We walked some more and then decided to grab food at Garfunkels again . That pretty much sums up my day ! It was yet another amazing day in London . I feel beyond blessed every time I walk through the streets . I feel like I am already a pro at the underground and have most of the lines already memorized ! Posted on May 12 , 2012 by jennifergilliland Reply One question that keeps coming up is which side of the stairs are you supposed to be on ? I actually had an older man yell at everyone to get on the other side . It is a serious problem in my everyday routine and have yet to have a solid answer of which side of the stairs to stay on . Today , Caroline and I intended on waking up at 8 : 00 to catch a tube by 9 : 00 and head towards Windsor palace by 9 : 30 . That definitely did not happen . We kept sleeping till about 9 : 45 when we eventually rolled out of bed and started the day . We had to literally run to catch the train going to Windsor but go there eventually with plenty of time to wander around . Windsor was beautiful ! Even from the train you can tell that it is an amazing palace . As we approached the castle we saw a flag flying at the very top which meant , the Queen was there . I 've seen Buckingham Palace when the Queen was there but this felt different . We go to walk throughout her weekend home . It was crazy cool ! Everything is set up in Windsor palace to look like a home , not a museum . Only a few things were behind glass and it was cool to see see where she actually has people over . Another attraction in Windsor Palace is the Dollhouse . I can 't recall which queen had a love for mini things but she was given this house as gift . Each piece was created like the original so it is genuine silver , precious jewels and silk . It was so cool ! They had a mini crown jewel vault that had baby replicas of the actual jewels . I loved it . Another thing I was not able to do last July was the London Eye . So of course that was a priority this time . It was freaking cool ! You get up so high and can see basically all of London . We got up at the very top right as the sun was setting and the view was breath taking ! For those of you planning on visiting London , the eye is something that is definitely worth the money . We got off the eye and immediately headed to search for food . On the way we stopped to watch a street performer . He did a 60 second Houdini lock and key trick but we stayed watching him for a good 30 minutes . At the beginning of his act , he was making some suggestive jokes at some other woman in the crowd and we couldn 't help but laugh . As he progressed he made a joke about Americans and then a quick line about Texans . I shook my head but kept laughing . Well , then I became the center of his jokes . They were funny and mostly aimed at Texans being arrogant and stupid but he was very funny and very talented . So after that small detour we need food and fast . Also ! ! Something I forgot that happened yesterday ( Mom you will appreciate this ) . Right as we got home from our long day , there was suddenly a heard of limos pulling up to our hotel . So naturally we pulled up a chair and proceeded to watch them for a good 30 minutes . I guess it was a prom or a party but it was so fascinating ! I will admit that the girls dresses were not that cute . They definitely need to catch up to American fashion because it was a big struggle ! I can 't really think of anything else that has happened today but I will end on this : the people that show up to McDonalds at 12 : 30 at night are very interesting ! I 've seen a lady with a tiny guitar , a group of boys literally start a food fight and a group of girls wearing suggestive tiny outfits . Needless to say , the people watching has been PRIME . Posted on May 12 , 2012 by jennifergilliland Reply My first hour in London consisted of me asking only questions . " Where do I pick up my luggage ? " , " Can I buy an Oyster Card here ? " , " What trains will get me to Regents Park ? " and so on and so on . However , my biggest fear of getting to the hotel was soon put to rest when I arrived safely at the Marriott . Everything went smoothly ! I did have to pull two giant roller suitcases up several flights of stairs but there were very nice gentlemen that said they would help me ! I arrived in London at like 10 in the morning and that 's when my day had to start . Even though all I wanted to do was climb into the hotel bed and sleep , I had to keep going ! I showered and quickly went right back to the tube to catch a bus to go see Olympic Park . Caroline and I were hoping to get a tour but the gates were closed . We got to take a look at the outside and it is going to be magnificent ! I cannot wait for it to be finished and watch everything from back home ! We then went shopping for a bit and then headed back towards Green Park and Piccadilly Circus to wander and window shop . As we started walking through the streets we found some super cool places . The city of London is so busy on the main street but if you wander back a few streets , that is where the really neat shops and restaurants are ! One place that we spent a good 45 minutes was the M & M world . You should know , one thing me and Caroline bond over is our love for crispy M & Ms . Unfortunately they stopped selling them in the states so we have to wait to come to another country to get them . I may or may not have bought 16 dollars worth of crispy M & Ms ( sorry mom and dad - that 's where your tuition dollars are going ) . Needless to say , it was awesome . We wandered back towards Buckingham palace and through Green Park . Caroline and I decided to go back to our favorite restaurant , Prezzo , and split a pizza margarita . It was amazing ! After that it was WAY PAST my bed time . I went back to the hotel and passed out ! I apologize to everyone that was waiting on this blog , I was in a coma after the long day !
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JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . After the fiasco with the rat men , the team was able to search the ground level . Joyous day ! They found what they had been looking for , the kitchen . After all they had been through it was good to see their goal achieved . The horror of the situation didn 't hit Olaf until he opened the cupboard . The place was complete stocked with rat food . Oh God no ! There was only one thing Olaf could think of to do in such dire circumstances . He knelt down and prayed . Just then Olaf thought he heard the faint sound of a cart bell ring in the distance . He ran out of the house and sure enough coming down the street was a pastry cart . Clearly the power of prayer had saved them again . Olaf bought enough pastries to fully stock the kitchen . He was set for hours . Now you would think that was the end of this journal entry , but for un - comprehendible reasons the team wanted to explore the rest of the house . There was a ladder up and a staircase up . Since the ladder didn 't look like it could hold Olaf , they took the stairs . And you know what they found … more stairs . After those stairs all they found was another ladder . The team insisted on going forward , so with 3 ropes attached to Olaf and the rest of the team pulling Olaf managed to climb upwards . It was a lot of work , but after climbing up they looked around and found MORE GODDAMN STAIRS . They went up and up and up until they couldn 't go any higher so they found a trap door to a tower to go even higher . Olaf hoisted his teammates up through the trap door and then passed out on the floor for a while . After the team felt they had full explored the house , they rested on the ground level . From the ground level they found a secret passage to an underground cellar . The cellar was abnormally cold . Good for storing meats and ice cream . Normally the cold didn 't bother Olaf , but cellar led to an underground ice pool . There was some sort of cavern with a magical door on the other side of the pool . Olaf enjoyed swimming , but swimming through water in sub - zero temperatures to work out how to unlock a magically door in a sub - zero room seemed a little suicidal . Instead the team decided to get some magically protection against cold . What a terrible dream Olaf was having . His own friend was repeatedly kicking him . Wait , it wasn 't a dream and Kassam was kicking him . He was saying something about that Olaf had to get up . Yes , that was definitely it , the pieces were coming to him . Oswald was back , ok . Kassam had told Oswald they had identified the head of the Seekers of the Lost cult - Garados . That and the group identified that Garados was almost finished constructing a monster zombie capable of destroying the whole town . Olaf knew all this already but was still trying to get his head around why he needed to wake up . Oswald and Kassam seemed insistent on heading out and saving the town , BEFORE LUNCH . Insane , but it seemed Olaf had little choice in the matter . As they approach the emporium , Olaf started planning . Perhaps one of the group would use some necromantic object to pretend to be from a different cult . Then that person could infiltrate the Seeker and gain their trust . By working their way up the chain of command , they could learn all of Garados 's dark evil plans . Olaf thought it was a brilliant plan , but Oswald only chuckled a little as that approached the emporium . Then Oswald kicked down the door and shouted , " Police ! Garados you 're under arrest ! " Hmm , I guess that plan could work too . The team searched the emporium and found a secret door leading down a long spiral staircase . Olaf was a little uneasy climbing down all of those stairs . Not because of the darkness , powerful negative energy , or horrible stench , rather Olaf couldn 't stop thinking that he might need to climb up all those stairs to get out of here . The team assured him that there must be some kind of ramp out of this place they were going . Once at the bottom , the team tried all the safe looking passages but unfortunately Garados wasn 't in any of them . Finally they went down the incredibly stinky passage . It lead to a room with a garbage pit . Olaf was trying to determine if the stench was coming from the garbage pit when from out behind an illusionary wall charged 3 zombies . One of the zombies was pushing an oversized wheelbarrow . How odd . The zombie with wheelbarrow charged into Olaf knocking him into it . At first Olaf this was quite pleasant since he 'd been looking for an opportunity lay down after all that walking , but quite rudely the zombie dumped him garbage pit . Even worse , there was a ghoul in the garbage pit . You would think Olaf friends would have helped him out with defeating all these undead , but instead Oswald kept shouting out instructions to everyone . I guess that 's why he 's the boss . Anyway , Olaf was much more concerned about how he was going to get out of the pit . After the undead were destroyed , they lowered him a rope . Then another rope . Then a third rope . With the 3 ropes securely around him , Olaf " climbed " out of the pit . The whole ordeal was exhausting , so Olaf thought they should stop for lunch , but no , they had to continue on to find and stop Garados . They continued to lab where they found the zombie golem already operational . So why did Olaf have to delay his lunch ? There was some undead and also something that looked like Garados , but was actually his familiar . So Olaf summoned the power of the Great Gold Wyrm to have him , Kassam , and Mal defeat the undead , golem , and the familiar while Oswald stood around and gave everyone instructions . With that , they finally they stopped for lunch . Garados was long gone by the time they finished lunch , so the team packed up and headed back to Drackenhall . Kassam had " won " a house back in Drackenhall , and the team wanted to setup in their new home . Now even Olaf knew that Kassam winning anything was pretty fishy , but owning a home meant the group had somewhere comfy to stay , so Olaf was willing to go with it for now . Unfortunately , the house was inhabited by some cute - looking rat men . Olaf wanted to make friends , but Oswald did the whole , we 're the police and you have to leave thing . It didn 't seem to work . Olaf wasn 't sure they even spoke common . They blasted Olaf with wands and rifles and things got a little blurry after that . After Olaf was revived , the team told him the arrest didn 't go well and many of the rat men committed suicide . Poor rat men . Clearly they needed a warm hug . Garados is the patriarch of the Kessmir family . He owns a shop called the Relic Hunter 's Emporium . Like many Lamplighter 's , he is an undistinguished graduate of the Arcanists of the Hidden Veil , one the town 's three arcane schools . The next afternoon Olaf rolled out of bed to get ready for work . To his surprise , Oswald had already left having to some " important " paperwork . The string of arrests they were doing was clearly making a good impression . Oswald left a note instructing them to continue the investigation into the Seekers of the Lost cult . Kassam and Olaf gave each other a look and a smile . They knew several bars they could continue to look for clues . The first priority was mid - day meal . They headed downstairs and ran into Thurrock , Olaf 's old classmate from his nobility classes . How had Thurrock found him ? Oh yes , Olaf forgot he had lost his mask . Well Olaf didn 't like being found out , but Thurrock was a friend and a good guy . Olaf introduced Kassam and Mal Kashar to Thurrock . Olaf noticed that Thurrock was a little disturbed by Mal Kashar . Upon further questioning , it wasn 't that Mal Kashar was dead and still walking around . Olaf had seen Mal Kashar get killed and it still bothered him a bit that Mal was walking around after that . That didn 't seem to phase Thurrock though . Thurrock seemed put off by the fact that Mal Kashar regularly summoned Undead and wielded the unholy powers of darkness . Hmm , Thurrock had a good point there . Thurrock always had good points like that . Anyway , Olaf told Thurrock all about being a police investigators and the evil Seekers of the Lost they were tracking down . To Olaf 's surprise , Thurrock actually wanted to do some investigation . This was ruining Olaf 's day off , but again Thurrock had good point they should actually do something about the cult . The group went to investigate the crypt of Kolm , one of the townspeople that was turned into a zombie . Their investigation did indeed reveal that the crypt was disturbed and someone turned him into a zombie . Olaf had no idea who , but fortunately the guilty person , Lando , revealed himself by ambushing the group . After the ambush , they investigated Lando 's room and found an oversized bag of Oreo 's ( finally loot ) . Olaf continued to investigate Lando 's bed while the rest of the group looked elsewhere . A couple hours later Thurrock was finally able to wake Olaf and informed Olaf they had note that was very incriminating to Odessa Rilantes at the Lamplighter 's guild . Hmm , that was important and Oswald should do something about that when he got back . Thurrock suggested that he could infiltrated the Lamplighter 's office and gather information . Wow , Thurrock was full of good ideas . Thurrock was successful and setup a secret meeting with Odessa at for 2 : 30am at a BAR ! ( Bless you Thurrock . ) The meeting was clearly an ambush , which Thurrock was worried about , but Olaf assured him they were experts at being ambushed . The way to beat the ambush was for Olaf , Kassam , and Mal Kashar to slip into the bar as soon as possible and ambush the ambushers . And how would they slip into the bar unnoticed ? Olaf , master of disguises , had that covered too . With fake mustaches and long blond wigs , no one would think they were anything more normal patrons at the bar . Thurrock would attend the meeting as bait and the rest of the group would leap out at just the right moment ( well maybe step carefully ) . It was a perfect plan . And the plan worked pretty well . They were successful at arresting Odessa and all of her employees , but Olaf was very disappointed in the amount of bar snacks there were to confiscate as part of the arrest . All the hiding and disguising had forced Olaf 's to miss his midnight meal . The lack of snacks was becoming a serious issue , but Olaf 's friends insisted they go investigate Odessa office BEFORE dinner . The investigation did reveal that Odessa was reporting into the Garroast , head of the lamplighter 's guild , and that his curio shop was lab where they were build building an unholy monstrosity . With that evidence secure , Olaf 's friends finally conceded to go to dinner . Olaf had just the place , his favorite all - night diner that he 'd been visiting every night since he got to Eldolan . On their way to Olaf 's diner , they ambushed by a two assassins , an unholy caster and a female , elven sniper . How did they possible find the group and how dare they attack BEFORE dinner . Olaf had taken too much today to suffer another delay to his most important meal . There was no time to waste . The caster summoned an unholy army of skeletons , but Olaf summoned the holy power of the Great Gold Wyrm to destroy them . The caster summon an unholy cloud of darkness which Olaf burst through to reach the caster ( well took a few steps and panted some ) . Then Olaf used the strength of the Great Gold Wyrm to bash the caster to the ground . The sniper was also going to be an issue too , so Olaf used the spirit of the Great Gold Wyrm to blow the sniper off the roof . Olaf 's was not going to accept any more delays to dinner . They arrested both assassins . Thurrock took caster into custody , while Kassam let the sniper go in exchange for a date . It didn 't make sense to Olaf , but his stomach was growling too loudly to argue the point . At last , all the obstacles had been cleared between Olaf and his meal . The one thing Olaf didn 't expect at having a job is that you have to work a lot . By 3PM his friends were already pushing him out of bed to get ready for the next day . Still , Olaf hadn 't held a job for this long in a while , so he was going to make every effort . He got up , got ready , and greeted his friends in his new mask . It worked perfectly ! Not even his friends could recognize him . Continuing the investigation , Olaf and his friends went to visit Mr . Rain . He was the one that rented the wagon that was used to block one of the exits in the town square attack . Mr . Rain was very friendly and told the group about the 2 people who rented the wagon and said we could find them at the old , abandoned dwarven brewery . The old brewery was rumored to haunted , but fortunately Olaf wasn 't scared of ghosts . The old brewery unfortunately did not have any beer whatsoever . Olaf had been hoping , but he knew it was a longshot . They did fine the 2 people that rented the wagon and arrested them . As it turns out , the brewery was indeed haunted by a ghost dwarf ghost named Welgard . Olaf and Welgard immediately hit it off as friends . Welgard was distraught since there was no more beer in the brewery . Olaf could understand how that bad was and gave him a big , warm hug , except the hug didn 't work as he past right through the ghost . Welgard didn 't understand . Olaf explained to him that he was actually dead and should move on to the afterlife . Welgard agreed and they departed friends . It 's always good to make new friends even if they 've already dead . The 2 wagon renters directed them to Paulos ( provides payment for body ) and Torso the Dreammaster , at the old theater . This was their base of operations for the Shivvel distribution . On the way to the theater , they met a group of orphans led by young man named Artful Dodger . Artful was very friendly and asked for a donation for the orphans he was helping to support . Olaf gave him what little money he had and Artful thanked him graciously and left . Olaf friends were upset with him again . Apparently they were not as generous with orphans as he was . A police raid ! How exciting . Olaf and his fellow officers , arrested everyone in the entrance room and burst into the main theater room where the drug lord called the Dreammaster operated . Despite the fierce resistance , they arrested all of the Dreammaster 's employees , and charged up onto staged to arrest the Dreammaster himself . Before they could , he disappear through the floor . Olaf moved over to the place where the Dreammaster had disappeared from as the rest of his friends searched for clues . When Olaf got there , he heard the creaking and snapping of floor boards beneath him . He looked up at his friends and said , The trapdoor the Dreammaster had used was apparently not designed for someone of Olaf 's girth and broke open under his weight . Olaf fell through the floor and belly rolled down a slide the Dreammaster had used to escape . Olaf 's friends followed him down . The slide led to a basement room where the Dreammaster was hiding behind 2 cute and cuddly drakes . There was no escape for the Dreammaster this time . Olaf and his friends arrested him and put end to the drug dealing . Olaf looked back at debris from his crash , fall , and roll . His mask had been completely destroyed . Without his ingenious disguise life was about to get a bit more complicated . When Oswald told him they were going to Eldolan , he tried to smile but was filled with a sense of dread . He had passed through Eldolan over five years ago on his way to Drakkenhall . Even then , the town was familiar to Olaf from the stories his mother told . It was a place of power for followers of the Great Gold Wyrm . It was the place she had first heard the voice of the Great Gold Wyrm and this changed her path forever . Eldolan was a good town , but for Olaf it was place too closely tied to his past , a past that someday might catch up with him . Then a brilliant idea came to him . Surely no one would recognize him if he wore a disguise . With some twigs and dead grass he fashioned himself a fake mustache . That with a pair of old spectacles he looked completely different . Olaf greeted his friends in disguise and they all complimented him on his new look . Of course they recognized him , but that wasn 't the point . He just had to make sure the casual observer didn 't spot him . He told his friends to call him Sven to go with his new look . They bought it . Maybe they were more naïve then Olaf realized . Olaf 's friends had varied business to conduct in Eldolan , but Olaf insisted on dinner first at the Beached Whale . The place was full of Crusader and Great Gold Wyrm followers , but Olaf didn 't recognize any of the Great Gold Wyrm folks from the old days . His identity was secure , but there was another issue . It seemed there was a rivalry fight brewing between the Crusaders and the Great Gold Wyrm followers . Olaf pictured the brawl and imagined neither side coming out unscathed . There must be something he could do to avoid this disaster . Something that could make these people happy . Yes of course . Olaf got up on the bar and started to sing one of his favorite song from childhood . Singing always made hime happy , maybe it could make everyone else happy too . Several of the Great Gold Wyrm followers joined in . It was working , they were happy . As the song started to wind down , Olaf noticed Crusaders were definitely not happy . Ah , wrong song . He needed something more inclusive to the Crusaders . Olaf thought back to his classes on what he knew about the Crusaders . He had read a Crusader 's fight song once . It was worth a try . He tried to put the words he remembered to music . While he was sure he wasn 't doing a great job singing , a couple of the Crusaders recognized it and joined in . Olaf could see the smile on their faces as they bellowed out song . Ok now both the Great Gold Wyrm followers and the Crusader followers were happy . Olaf had saved the day again . Now that 1st dinner was complete , they were off to business . They were meeting Therilsa Stormhand in the town square . Just as Olaf gave her his standard greeting , " Hi I 'm … Sven , and I like warm hugs " , the town square was swarmed by zombies . Olaf charged forward to protect Therilsa , but halted abruptly when the smell caught him . Kasam had opened the sandwich cart ! The situation was now all too clear to Olaf . The sandwiches were on freshly baked bread . He could actually hear Kasam bite into one . It must have been toasted . Oil and vinegar dripped down the roll . Was that prosciutto and cheese ? He tried to retreat back to the sandwich cart , but the zombies were now grabbing and jumping on him . Olaf flailed desperately to reach the sandwiches , but the stupid zombies would not get out of the way . He watched painfully each and every time as Kasam bit down , only to watch him smile and wipe his face . The agony of the situation was almost too much to bear until Kasam swallowed the last morsel . Eventually the zombies were dispersed and Olaf stomped back towards Kasam angrier than he had ever been at his friend . Then Olaf realized there were still 7 sandwiches left . Happy day . As part of the investigation , Oswald convinced the group to track down Aerto at a place called the Squirming Mermaid . Olaf was a little skeptical at first , but was surprised to find out that the Squirming Mermaid did have the best swill and fish stew he had ever tasted . The drinks were a bit on the strong side , but not all - together bad tasting . When Oswald suggested they tail Iairtoe , Olaf suggested he remain behind to check for any other suspicious characters . It seemed like a good deal , until he realized his " friends " had left him with the bill . Ah well , not the first time for that . A couple of drinks always mends any hurt feelings . The next part was a little fuzzy . Olaf had woken up from more than one drunken night in his life , but never like this . He was lying on the floor in some dark warehouse . Kasam was trying to treat some sort of acid wounds he had sustained without out a clue of how to do it . Olaf was in no mood to find out what had spit acid all over him . Some nights it was just better not to know . His friends filled him in that they were assaulting a warehouse of necromancer cultists that were responsible for the zombie attack . Why Olaf had agreed to do this at 5 in the morning was beyond him , but at least it would soon be breakfast time . The cultists must eat breakfast , right ? After a bit of searching , they found the secret entrance ( there is always a secret entrance ) to the cultist 's lair . They jumped in on some demonic ritual and beat up all the cultists in the first room . Without even catching their breath , the team burst open the heavy doors to next room . They were too late . The head necromancer cultist was completing a horrifying demon ritual . He had his dagger raised in the air and was about to sacrifice a poor , innocent sailor . There was no way any of the group could reach him in time . They were all doomed , especially the poor , innocent sailor . Nothing could be done . Well there was one thing . One thing that Olaf had tried to forget for many years now . In this final moment of desperation , the old words came back to him effortlessly . As he started to say the words everything started to slow down and by the time he finished everything stopped in time . The cultist dagger was still mid - thrust inches above the sailor . His friends and enemies were all frozen . The silence made the booming voice all the more terrifying . The image of the Great Gold Wyrm 's head materialized in front of him . It seemed larger than the room itself . Olaf tried to reply but his voice now seemed to sound like that of a small child . " Olaf you must decide your path . You cannot deny your birthright and then call upon when you choose . The world has many helpless victims waiting for you to step forward . You must choose Olaf , and you must choose soon . " The image of the Great Gold Wyrm vanished and suddenly time resumed . The cultist 's dagger thrust toward the sailor and was blasted back by the power of the Great Gold Wyrm . The cult was defeated and Olaf 's friends and of course the sailor thanked him . Olaf was not in congratulatory mood though . Using that much power here in Eldolan was sure to be noticed . Only one thing was for certain . Mal Keshar is seeing some real world necromancy being practiced . He also finds some works on the Dark Arts in the demon worshippers ' basement . These may prove useful at the Blue Celestial Institute . The group made very strong headway . Both criminal investigation and the bar crawl through the docks provide nearly perfect fits for Bastable and Kasam Awarth respectively . Not only did most checks go against their primary background , but both have high charisma and rolled well . Clue discovery was not an issue . Two of the five bar contacts have hostility to high elves , but Kasam sailed through these even with a - 5 modifier . Could have had a nice fail forward bar fight , but Kasam was on fire .
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As the weather turns chillier I find that I want comfort foods . That generally means one dish cooking . This crook pot meal is almost one dish . You do need to brown the beef before putting it on to simmer . It first attracted me because of it 's unusual ingredients , now I keep coming back to it because my family likes it . Combine first 10 ingredients in 3 1 / 2 to 4 quart slow cooker . Heat the cooking oil in large frying pan on medium . Add ground beef . Scrabmle - fry for 5 to 10 minutes until no longer pink . Drain . Sprinkle flour over beef . Heat and stir on medium for 1 minute . Slowly add broth , stirring constantly and scraping any brown bits from bottom of pan . Add to tomato mixture . Stir well . Cover . Cook on low for 8 to 10 hours or on high for 4 to 5 hours . Remove and discard bay leaf . This recipe is from Company 's Coming : Slow Cooker Dinners . " Weekend Cooking " is hosted by Beth Fish Reads . You are invited to join in the fun by visiting and reading the various food related posts . You can also enter a link to your recent food related post . Be sure to visit this week and learn about Beth 's Halloween post about the giant fruit bats . While visiting at BookLounge . ca today I came across this recently released non - fiction book , Siberian Education by Nicolai Lilin . It deals with life in Siberia as well as the roll of tattoos in their culture . I don 't have a copy of this book at present , but will be adding it to my wish list . BookLounge . ca Books Siberian Education by Nicolai Lilin , Translated by Jonathan Hunt I was having one of those drab days and I didn 't really know what to do to lift my mood . Then I spotted a copy of Highland Hellcat . I thought to myself that a man in a kilt and a little romance might be just the remedy I needed . What a leading first line . Author Mary Wine had my attention . I was envisioning a darkly handsome highlander whispering those words to a bevy of buxom barmaids . Not to be , these were the very words of Brina Chattan , soon to be nun , the third daughter of Robert Chattan , Laird of Chattan Castle . As I continued to read I became intrigued by this young woman who had grown up knowing that she was to become a nun and was destined to become the mother superior . Yes , Brina is a strong willed , and very capable young woman , but what 's she doing in a romance . I kept reading and very quickly the plot started to unveil some unseemly events involving one of her elder sisters . From this point on I couldn 't read fast enough . I had an inkling of an impending change in Brina 's future , but couldn 't guess how it was going to come about . Then I met Connor Lindsey , Laird of Clan Lindsay , and promised Brina 's sister Deirdre in marriage . I felt a sympathy for Connor from the moment he was introduced . I was firmly on his side and knew that he would do what ever was required to avenge his honour and that of his clan . Brina and Connor were both characters with strong personalities that would lead to clashes and adventure , perfect for what I needed from this book . I wasn 't disappointed . There were several unexpected twists and turns in the plot that kept this book from being predictable . At those points I couldn 't figure out how Ms . Wine was going to get the story back on track , but she would add another twist and bound off in yet another direction . Turned out that this book was the perfect foil to my mood . If you 're like me an you enjoy a good romance involving men in kilts , then Highland Hellcat is a wonderful choice . I practically shrieked the other day when I realized how much I still have to stitch on this afghan before Christmas . eeks . It now stands at 22 inches and needs to get to 60 before finishing off . Oh my . I made a concentrated effort to stitch every morning while watching a TV program recorded the previous evening and I made good progress . Now to keep it up for six more weeks . I added one new colour , a medium tan , just because I saw the yarn on sale and decided it would work . I do have to take a slight break from knitting and help my niece with her Halloween costume . She had great fun making the accessory pieces on Sunday , but there is a bit that needs machine stitching . Next week I 'll have pictures to share , until then , it 's under wraps . Prior to reading this book I knew almost nothing about the early twentieth century history of China . Mr . King includes a section on the rise of the Communist party and details on the role of women in Chinese society of that time . Women were treated as slaves , farm labour and when of age to marry as a source of male offspring . They were also subject to the debilitating practice of foot binding . In 1928 at the Sixth Chinese Communist Party Congress the potential of women within society was ' embraced ' by the party . They realized that women were a vast untapped resource . That they were capable of being educated and carrying out the same roles as men . As the communist members moved through out the country side , many women saw the opportunity to lead the lives that they have envisioned for themselves and they immediately enlisted . A core group of thirty of these women fled with 86 000 men of the Red Army . They played key rolls in organizing the medical core ( carrying stretchers , caring for the wounded ) , obtaining supplies , recruiting , etc . At least several of these women had bound feet and spent many agonizing months letting their feet out with the hope they would heal and they would be better able to keep up with their comrades . I was fascinated by this book . At first I found it difficult to follow as there were so many place names and people name that were unfamiliar to me that it was hard to keep it all straight in my mind . After a while it did get easier as I recognized the individuals and worked out the pronunciations . They story it 's self is very clearly written and easy to follow . The hardships that all the marchers endured was not so easy . I shivered as I read the passages where the scantily clothed soldiers climbed over sky - high mountains . When they huddled together under tattered blankets during driving rain and hail storms . I cringed when the women clawed through manure to pick out the undigested grains so they would have something to eat . There is so much fact packed into this book that it took me quite a while to read , about three weeks in fact . I don 't begrudge a minute of that time . I learned a lot about courage and fortitude . Many of the women could have elected to stay behind at any time . Many were even offered that choice . It appears to me that it was a better choice to stay with the army and it 's hardships than it was to return to their homes where many of them were treated worse than slaves . " Weekend Cooking " is hosted by Beth Fish Reads . Join other foodies for their food related posts . You are invited to add a link to your current recipe , cookbook , restaurant , movie or other related review . As I have mentioned previously , my neighbour hosts a number of running races throughout the year . RunWaterloo . com . Last Sunday was a biggie , " The Oktoberfest " with over 1800 runners . Participants could chose either a 5k or 10k route . Note that the families of the runners are also welcome to join in the post run snacks , meaning that we are feeding much more than 2000 people . A double food line starts at this point . Note that we have tableclothes even though they are plastic . The floor is covered in plywood as there is still ice in the arena . The bananas are cut into three pieces before serving . Bagels are under plastic to keep them fresh . We had to slice seven huge boxes of them . You can see the many dozens cases of pizza boxes under the tables in this and the preceeding photo . At least 2400 hotdog rolls . Freshly bbq 'd hotdogs ( 1500 ? ) and 800 sausages . 500 litres of soup . Flavia de Luces is the most interesting eleven year old that I have met in quite some time . Not only is she fascinated by poisons , so even uses them on her unsuspecting sisters . Love that special lipstick she makes for her eldest sister . Now Flavia is not the only intriguing person in her household . Her mother Harriet is missing and presumed dead for many years . Dogger , Arthur Wellesley Dogger , is currently the gardener , but has performed a number of roles in the manner over the years . He continues to suffer flashbacks to the war . I also find Mrs . Mullet the cook unusual . She puts up with all the oddities of the family and never comments . I hope to see more of her in a future book . Finally , there is her father . He has quite the wide and varied background which is very slowly and deliberately revealed to us , but only in the slimmest of details . I thorough loved this book . Were I a young teen I would have re - read it a half dozen times by now . The characters are so real that I immediately wanted to love or hate them or totally ignore them as irrelevant to me . The setting is so well described that I could imagine myself pedalling down the lane alongside of Flavia . This is my 4th book for the 4th Canadian Book Challenge hosted by John at The Book Mine Set . There is still time to join . Read 13 books by Canadian authors and blog about the book . I was sitting on the sofa this past weekend and lamenting that I had too many needlework projects on the go . I knew that I didn 't have all that much to go on the blue scarf and I decided right then and there that I would pick it up and knit until that ball was finished and then the scarf would be done . Well , I finished that ball and spied a tiny ball that would add a few more rows , so I added it and then knit that bit up . I immediately worked in the ends , and voila , it 's finished . This is my niece Michelle modelling it for you . She is getting all excited about her first winter in Canada and is stalking up on scarves and winter gear . I don 't know yet if she is going to claim this one , or whether she has her eye on one in the following photo . Believe it or not , my daughter is lying on the sofa with all those scarves tied around her . There are eleven scarves tied around her . I knit nine of them , Michelle knit the one nearest the right and there is one sewn chenille one , second from right . Now I really must stop with the knitting of scarves . I have lots for giving away . What I need to do is start knitting some Christmas stockings . I guess you 'll have to come back next week to see what I decide to do . Mailbox Monday was created by Marcia of The Printed Page and is now on tour . Avis of She Reads and Reads is hosting for the month of October . This will be my first time joining in the fun . The picture above is a row from a quilt that I started ages ago . The mailbox will eventually have some tiny parcels sticking out . The Adventures of Ook and Gluk : Kung - Fu Cavemen from the Future by George Beard and Harold Hutchins . I won this in a contest hosted by Mel at He Followed Me Home and sponsored by Scholastic . from the back cover : Suckas Beware ! ! ! Meet Ook and Gluk , the coolest caveboys to step out of the Stone Age ! It 's 500 , 001 BC , and Ook and Gluk 's happy hometown of Caveland , Ohio , is under attack . The world 's most evil corporation from the future has invaded the past , and the boys and their little dinosaur pal , Lily , are in big trouble ! When a mysterious time portal takes them to the year 2222 , they find a wise new friend . But will they find the secret to saving the day ? The Frenzy by Francesca Lia Block . I won this in a contest hosted by author Claudia Gray . from the back cover : Love is a werewolf , influenced by the moon and terror , and always about to change . Something terrifying happened to Liv when she was thirteen . Something that changed everything , that made her . . . different . Now the only time she truly feels like herself is when she 's with her boyfriend , Corey , and in the woods that surround her town . But danger lurks in the woods , too - and secrets Liv cannot begin to imagine . Therapy : A Novel by Harrie Rose . I won this in a contest sponsored by Nurture Your Books . from the back cover : Written in a vivid first - person narrative that sweeps the reader along , this bold novel introduces Barbara , a 52 - year - old woman who has it all . So why is she sunk in an abyss of depression ? Her therapist , 17 years her junior , reawakens feelings she thought she 'd never again have . Does he share those feelings or is her merely doing therapy ? As he embarks on an incredible journey of self - awareness , uncovering lies she lived by , Barbara 's world opens up like the flowers she enjoys looking after in her garden . Caught up in a revealing , wonderfully feminine embrace , this faux memoir hits a chord with anyone who wonders if life has anything more t o give once your hair needs its monthly dose of colour and gravity takes its toll on your body . It 's not just a novel about getting old . Nor is it just a novel about women . Its theme is the universal one of how we see ourselves and what will bring us real happiness . Thank - you to Shan from Curled Up with a Good Book and a Cup of Tea for granting me " The Versatile Blogger " Award . I very much appreciate this award . I have received a few such in the past and I apologize if I didn 't accept . I get so carried away at times that I forget to pass it along . I will try my best to nominate some of the many bloggers that I visit with on a regular basis . The conditions of this award are that all recipients must : This is the story of Giniw , who one day is asked by his Okomissan , grandmother , to go blueberry collecting . This is a treat for him and he hurries to get ready . He doesn 't listen to his grandmother when she tells him not to bring is drawing supplies . The ancestors at Blueberry Rapids determine that Giniw needs to be taught a lesson in truth and they present him with the opportunity . Fortunately he listens to them and learns his lesson . He then thanks them by making a drawing on a riverside stone . I was fortunate to meet Mr . Meshake at the Eden Mills Writer 's Festival . He had a table along ' Publisher 's Way ' and featured both his writings and art work . I purchased a copy of Blueberry Rapids at that time . It was impossible to chose my favourite picture in the book . The one at left is from the part of the story where Giniw and his Okomissan are drinking their tea and he thinks he hears voices that is not the sound of the wind in the tree . I think he was hearing the voices of his ancestors that are depicted in this painting . I also bought a t - shirt with an image of ' The Mother Bear ' by Rene . It immediately became my hubby 's favourite shirt . Be sure to visit Rene Meshake 's website to learn more about his art work and his other writings . First of all , don 't skimp on the rice . Buy the best you can afford . Basmati No . 817 has been my choice for over ten years . Occasionally I can get it at the grocery story though usually we go to a small Indian Grocery Store . Lots of water . I cook my rice in a medium size pot that holds about seven cups of water . Bring the water to a full boil . Measure about 1 1 / 2 cups of rice grains into a fine mesh strainer and rinse for about one minute under running water till the water runs clear . This will help ensure that your rice is not sticky . Carefully pour the wet rice into the boiling water . Set your timer for 5 minutes . Give it a quick stir and then let the water come back to a boil . After 5 minutes , stir the rice once more so that it 's not sticking to the bottom . Turn the heat off and set the lid on the pot but leave it slightly ajar so it won 't seal shut as the temperature cools . Now set the timer for 15 minutes . Leave the rice undisturbed for that whole time . When the timer rings lift the lid and look in the pot , the rice should be mounded up in the water . Carefully pour the rice and water into a colander that you have set into the sink . You can test the rice to ensure softness , but you don 't want it to sit in the hot water too long or it will become mushy . Shake the colander to remove excess water and return the rice to the pot to keep warm until needed . Your rice will be perfect everytime . No need to buy that expensive ' converted rice ' . Extra cooked rice can be stored in the refrigerator . To reheat you can either steam it or put in a glass bowl with a tablespoon of water in the microwave . Heat for 30 seconds at a time until warm enough . Do not leave cooked rice on the counter overnight as micro - organisms can start to grow and turn the rice bad and make you sick . I have received a copy of Robin Hood Baking from Robert Rose . I have made a few recipes to date and have quite a few more marked . My family is loving this . From my library I have a copy of Jamie 's Food Revolution . It is based on his Ministry of Food campaign and show from Rotherham , England . by chance I happened to catch the first episode of this series this morning . Wow , the guy had his work cut out for him . I then paged through the book and am looking forward to giving these recipes a try . I drew the winner of the Why AC / DC Matter by Anthony Bozza today . I wrote out a list of all the valid entries in the order of their comments on the original post . I then when to RANDOM . ORG and entered the number of entries and the winner was entry number 1 . Last week I received the fencing equipment that I needed including my sous plastron ( half jacket ) and jacket . Yippee . The only item I 'm missing is my lame ( overjacket for electric scoring ) . With all this gear to carry back and forth I needed a large bag . Of course I could have bought one , but that wouldn 't be satisfactory to a sewer . I would search each seam and piece of fabric used to determine whether it was of any value . arg . Better to make one myself . Time was an issue , so I needed something quickly ; I can always sew a second bag later at my leisure ( okay , don 't start laughing ) . I chose a pattern by M ' liss Rae Hawley from her book Fat Quarter Quilts . It 's called " The Fat Quarter Bag " and uses six fat quarters for the outside . I happened to have a rather large piece of upholstery fabric and used the same fabric for both the outside and the lining . Worked out well , nice sturdy fabric and I didn 't have to buy anything . After I finished the main bag I used the left overs to make some small one for accessory items . Now for a bit of a fencing lesson . For scoring one method is to use a sword with a plunger tip that uses a small electrical current . When the tip is depressed , the circuit completes the a light goes ' on ' on the score board . This requires a wire from the sword to the score board . It 's called a ' body wire ' as it runs from near the handle of the sword , under the jacket and out at the waist and connects with a coiled wire to the scoring equipment . Not wanting to have this wire get tangled in the larger bag I made a small drawstring bag . It actually has a divider in the middle as a fencer is required to have a spare wire at all time in the event of a problem with the first . For those familiar with fencing , you know that the clothing is all white . Last think I want to do is throw my running shoes on top of my jacket , thus I made another bag for the shoes . On the back of the bag I made a large pocket to accomodate a note book . Vietnam veteran Tommy Jack McMorsey is working as a truck driver when he happens into an odd situation . A Japanese tourist is searching in the snow behind a truck stop for the missing ransom money from the fictional movie Fargo . Tommy Jack doesn 't feel right about leaving her there ; he asks her if she wants to ride along with him . Later she goes out into the winter night , lies down in the snow and dies in her sleep . The ensuing police investigation and media interest sets Tommy Jack on a very public reflective journey . His memories of Vietnam , those of his best friend Fred Howkowski and his son , and also of his lover Shirley Mounter are all brought into view . Wounds long buried are unearthed and thrust into daylight . I have to say right up front that I loved this book . Every minute of it . I read it as an ebook sitting at my desktop computer . Not a comfortable way to read , but I couldn 't stop once I started this book . I would much rather have had a paperback as I wanted to carry it around with me , and hold it close . I wanted to trace the cover images with my finger and re - read passages , particularly those about the Fireball game and those times Tommy Jack spent with Shirley . Why did I love it ? It seemed to me that it was such a real set of circumstances that they could have happened to a neighbour or friend . I can 't imagine being torn from your comfy home life and dropped literally into a war zone . The friendship that Tommy Jack formed with Fred was the type of friendship that would last forever . Even thirty years after Fred 's passing , Tommy Jack still referred to him as his best friend . Even writing this I am tearing up . I know how it feels to lose your best friend , gone physically but never gone from your heart . Those are memories your hold onto , you cherish much as Tommy Jack has . There is also the love affair between Tommy Jack and Shirley . A war time love born out of desperation , anything to help him survive in the jungle , but which developed into something real and lasting once they met in person . It is also an un - resolved love that 's been put on hold for decades . I selected this book mostly based on the information that the author Eric Gansworth is a First Nations Author . He is a member of the Onondaga Nation . I started searching out and reading book by First Nations authors over two years ago as part of a Canadian Reading Challenge . I truly enjoyed reading the books I found and have continued to search out more such authors . Mr . Gansworth is an author who 's works I look forward to reading more of . I was at the Lindt outlet store recently and they had bags of Ghirardelli Milk Chocolate chips . I had not tried them and was wondering if the little bit more cost was worth it . On a taste test of the chipits alone , yes , but what about when baked . The chips them shelves are more like a slightly flattened disk and they are larger than I expected . It was the taste that made the difference . Excellent . I will definitely be purchasing these again . I used the recipe on the back of the package . You can click here to print from the Ghirardelli website , or you can copy and print it from this post . There are lots of other recipes at the site as well as information about cooking with chocolate . Heat oven to 375 F . Combine flour , baking soda and salt ; set aside . In large bowl cream butter with two sugars , eggs and vanilla . Gradually stir flour mixture into creamed mixture . Stir in chocolate chips and nuts . Shape 1 inch dough balls on ungreased cookie sheets . Bake 9 minutes or until golden brown . Let cool 2 minutes , then remove to rack . Makes about 4 dozen 2 1 / 2 inch cookies . I tried rolling the dough into balls , but it was so warm and sticky that I used two spoons to drop blobs onto the pan . You could chill the dough if you want balls and nice round cookies . I chose to use walnuts since I had them on hand . " Weekend Cooking " is hosted by Beth Fish Reads . Visit to read an assortment of Food Related Posts . You are invited to add a link to your recent foodie post . Years ago ( really over two decades ago ) I bought this blue speckled yarn by Papillon . It was a fluffy skein of 250 grams and it was supposed to be enough to knit a pullover sweater . Great , as a university student , that was about the limit of my spending money for the term . I happily knit away . The body , the one sleeve and then the next . oops , only enough yarn for half of the second sleeve . I checked my measurements and the tension , perfect . arg , now what do I do ? I couldn 't afford a second kit . So I unknit and the balls of yarn sat for twenty years . I found them when cleaning my sewing room and figured a scarf would be good . It 's not about two feet long and I 'll keep going until long enough or I get bored . My niece started a new scarf this week . I thought I would join her and use the same pattern . We could encourage each other . This one is fingering weight wool . Mine is being made with some self patterning sock yarn ( shown ) . She is using a black with the occasional red speckle . There is a second step , but you 'll have to wait a few weeks for that as well as the link to the pattern . As a family we went on an outing last week to the Toronto Zoo . Great place regardless of age . My niece wanted to get her first glimpse of a polar bear . At the gift shop I was surprised to find wool for sale . Turns out it is hand spun camel wool . What a great orange . I couldn 't pass it up . One skein is 150 - 200 yards weighing 5 - 6 ozs . I have no idea what I 'll make with it , but that doesn 't matter . This wool is being sold as a fund raiser to help support snow leopard conservation activites . Be sure to visit the Snow Leopard Trust to find out how to help with these conservation efforts and how it helps nomadic herding women and their families . I was reading over at The Savvy Reader a terrific post regarding Oprah 's lastest book pick . Last week the office staff at a HarperCollins office were crowded into a lounge to watch her and find out which book would be announced . As you probably know by now Freedom by Jonathon Frazen was selected . Browse inside Freedom . At the end of that post , Jason asked whether this announcement by Oprah affects your choice in reading this book . I checked in my Read , Remember , Recommend journal and found the list of approximately sixty books that Oprah has previously recommended . Of those listed I have read two . I have a further three marked off as wanting to read . Clearly I don 't use Oprah as a source for suggesting books to me . In fact , I would say that I tend to avoid book pushed by celebrities . I don 't say this is a good approach , but that 's how it happens with me . I might be missing out on some good reads . On reflection , I 'd say that I don 't want to get sucked into buying an overly hyped book . Imagine you are a reviewer and you read this current book and hate it , would you post and honest review or would you go with the flow not wanting to rock the boat ? Did you purchase this book solely on Oprah 's recommendation ? What did you think of it ? Are you planning to read it ? buy it ? borrow it from your library ? First published in 1851 , Moby Dick is still finding it 's way on to recommended reading lists . If you are like I was , you haven 't read the book but have seen bits of cartoons and perhaps a movie on tv and think that it 's the story of Captain Ahab and his quest to kill the white sperm whale Moby Dick . Well , in part it is , but it 's so much more . It is practically an encyclopedia of whale lore such as it was known in the mid nineteenth century . At first I was confused and wondering why Mr . Melville always seemed to be going off on a tangent and losing the thread of the story . Actually , as it turns out , all those tangents are the story . The whale himself , is only a part of the larger picture . One section goes on at length on the taxonomy of whales . While it was somewhat interesting , after ten or fifteen minutes I was starting to lose track of what was going on and how it could possibly pertain to catching that one , white whale . After speaking with a literature student , I learned that this book had been written chapter by chapter and was printed in a weekly paper . Mr . Melville would have been paid by the page , so it was in his best interest to be wordy . I don 't know if this is true , but that would explain some of the choices of what to include in the book . There were a few passages that I particularly enjoyed . One of them , chapter 85 discusses the purpose of the blow hole . Considering that this book was written 150 years ago , I felt that the author presented quite detailed information . This was a very lengthy audio book ( some 23 hours ) and much of it was rather a blur to me . It perked up considerably at the start of hour 22 . This moving passage was set the night before the white whale was spotted and the final chase begun and Captain Ahab is on the deck with his first mate . He actually questions whether it is crazy to expend so much effort to capture one whale and whether he should have been spending his time at home with his wife and child . Very insightful . From this passage on , I had finally found the book that I had sought to read . It was exciting and had me hanging on the edge of my seat ( so to speak ) . Would I recommend this book to other readers . For a young reader , no way . Get him or her the new graphic novel that coming out , or a short abridged one . This version would seem like punishment . If you are a purist and like lots of detail , then yes , this could be the book for you . Don 't expect to push on through it in a few days , you 'll need the time to digest the many different topics that Mr . Melville discusses . If you plan to read the original text , then be sure to visit the Life and Works of Herman Melville website . They have lots of background information there that will help you get the most out of your reading time . ( link is posted below ) . I listened to the un - abridged audio version of this book . Read by Adams Morgan and recorded by Blackstone Audio in 2000 . This version does not appear in there current product catalogue . Bright , huh . You should see it in person , it 's even more electrifying . I love orange and I love orange quilts even more . By one def . . . I 'm a bit slow off the mark today , but I do have pearly white teeth now . Yes , I had a dentist appointment this morning . All is well , t . . . I 've been blogging here since 2007 and have finally found the perfect job . I am now a book seller at Chapters , the largest book store chain in Canada . This is helping to reach an even larger number of readers with whom I enjoy sharing my love of books .
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I know I need to blog more . It 's just hard to come up with entertaining topics to share with y ' all . And of course , I am not coming up with anything now , either . So instead of trying to be creative , I 'm just going to give you all a rundown of what is taking up so much of my time that I cannot even think of anything to write about . - I am . Obsessed . With GLEE . When Cory aka Finn died a few weeks back , I added Glee to my instant que on Netflix so I could pick a few Finn - centered episodes to watch . That has turned into me watching every single episode and I . Can 't . Stop . - Singing . Since I am watching Glee , I am singing the majority of the time I spent at home . Also , since the JayZ JT show in Chicago , I am obsessed with both of them . Did you know if you sing JT 's Mirrors as loud and as passionately as you can while driving down the interstate , you can 't help but tear up a little ? - Getting my hair as large as possible . I like my hair either stick straight or as loud and curly as possible . Lately I 've been trying to find the perfect combination of mousse , gel , conditioner and humidity to make my hair look fantastic . So far I have not had luck and right now it looks like I was electrocuted this morning . But that 's what pony tail holders are for . - I need to find a job that allows me to have summers off . I know this isn 't realistic , but come on . I want it . - Running 100 miles . Ugh . This wasn 't my idea . Me , Hannah and Nick are running 100 miles each before we leave for the Bahamas in 59 days . So far I have ran . . . 9 . This will be a long countdown . The last few days , I have felt every single day of my age . My legs are so sore . My feet are so sore . I feel wore out . Yesterday , I started my day out with a 4 . 5 mile run , but never experienced a runner 's high . I just experienced a runners feel - like - death . I decided if this is what 33 feels like , eff this . Everything is just kinda weird this year . Usually I am so pumped for my birthday I can 't see straight . I plan some night out and tell everyone to come see me and get super pissed when they don 't . I adore being the center of attention , and what better day than your birthday to force everyone to pay attention to you ? This year . . . not so much . My entire weekend was booked solid , and with the exception of a few , I saw all the most important people in my life . Friday night I spent with Nick , Han and the boys . Saturday I went to dinner with Katie and Missy , and Sunday I spent with my family . That 's a whole lotta loving in 2 . 5 days , and I feel very grateful all those people wanted to hang out with me as I age another year . Well let 's see . I 've been " employed " now for almost 8 months , and the quotation marks should be coming off soon . I have pretty amazing friends , and most of my family is pretty awesome . No real boyfriend , but I 'm okay in that department . I met Bret Michaels this year . I went to Chicago with Miss , Minnesota with Toni , and I 'm headed to the Bahamas with the Boone 's . I got a new nephew this year . Be jealous . You guys , my ( extended ) weekend was kick - you - in - the - balls fantastic . Since this blog is really my diary , saddle up partners cause you are getting a weekend roundup in yo ' face . Friday night - Do you fools even REALIZE how kickass the lineup was at Stir Cove on Friday night ? Fastball , Vertical Horizon , Gin Blossoms , Sugar Ray and SmashMouth ? Give me a freaking break ! It was an awesome night , the weather was great , and the company was even better . Missy and I met for dinner at SAMS ITALIAN VILLA beforehand ( haven 't been there in a minute . . . food tastes exactly the same . . . awesome ! ) and then we met some peeps in Stir bar and then headed down to the show . It was awesome . Awesome awesome . Gin Blossoms ! Are you kidding me ? Talk about being transported straight back to high school . These are some of the peeps I hung out with . Saturday - After a little sleeping in , I woke up and couldn 't walk . For some reason , even though I have now been a " runner " ( okay . . . really what I do can better be described as a " shuffler " or a " very slow mover " ) , my left ankle and the bottoms of my feet have been killing me lately . I think I need to buy better work shoes , or just give in and start wearing heels . Anyway , after standing and dancing at the show all night , I couldn 't move . So rather than ruin my feet more by working out anyway , I went and got an amazing pedicure at this new place I 've found near my apartment . They rub fruits , flowers , hot stones and hot towels on your legs and feet , and it ends with a hot oil / wax treatment . UM AMAZING . After that , I decided to continue my day of pampering with laying by my pool for several hours , and then I wandered over to the Boone 's to help Channy celebrate his # 2 . ( Writer 's edit - his second birthday . Not him taking a dump . ) I love that kid . Sunday - Missy and I left for Chicago in the AM . We drove all day - I was going to be leisurely about it , but then she mentioned we might make it to the city in time to hit Garret 's popcorn before they closed , and I started hauling ass . We made it in time , but since parking is a nightmare we decided to wait until morning to go there anyway . We checked in to the hotel and headed to Gino 's for deep dish pizza . Freaking yum . Then we walked around for awhile , and then headed back to the hotel to get some shut eye in preparation for the next day . MONDAY - Good lordie . Okay . So we woke up , had an awesome breakfast , and then headed to get our popcorn . I LOVE THAT POPCORN . Then we walked miles and miles and miles - we went to Wrigley Field , to Millennium Park , everywhere . It was awesome . Awesome . AWESOME . Some pics . . . The show was epic . I hate that word , but it 's literally the only way I can think to describe it . You know how during a fireworks grand finale , how the sky just keeps lighting up and lighting up and in your head you 're like " this is amazing , it can 't get any better " ? That was how I felt during the whole show , only then the next song would start and it WOULD get better . So so sosososososossosososo good . I can 't describe it . Plus the whole atmosphere of being on Soldier Field , with every single chair taken , and every single person was going bananas and having the best time . After the two and a half hour show we headed back to our hotel , and I seriously couldn 't walk at this point . In fact , I wasn 't sure I would ever be able to walk again . Monday - After another amazing breakfast , we left the city and headed to the outlet malls in Aurora . I didn 't buy anything except one amazing Kate Spade bag - I 'm obsessed with it , but it 's a crossbody bag so I will need to take it to a concert or sporting event . Man , if only there was an amazing show coming up that I could take my bag too . . . . The leader of the group posts motivating , inspirational things several times a day , and yesterday she was focused on why we shouldn 't drink soda . I have tried giving up soda thousands of times . Let me give you a rundown of how that works : Random night at 11 : 30p - Today I only had one can of Dt . Mt . Dew . I can easily give up soda . Tomorrow I am not going to drink soda . Next morning , 7 : 45a - On my way out the door , I grab a can . I stop myself and put it back . I don 't need it . Besides , if I have a melt down at work and need soda , I have an emergency one stashed in the fridge . 8 : 30a , after breakfast - This is when I would usually crack open my can , silently pretending it is a beer and I 'm going to be having fun all day rather than sitting and waiting for the sweet release of death at work . It 's okay . I can drink water instead . 1030a : Oh my god , I have a headache . It has to be lack of caffeine . 11a : I AM GOING TO DIE . I need soda . Not only is my head pounding , but I am feeling faint . I can 't pass out at work , they will call 911 . 11 : 31a : Fuck this . I 'm drinking soda . One soda won 't kill me . 12 hours . The threshold of my self control is 12 hours . On another note , this soda was opened at 8 : 30a this morning and has been sitting on my desk half full since then . I guess I just have to know things are available to me if I want them , but if they are readily available I don 't really need them . Seriously , the inside of my head is a scary place to be . So , you ( and everyone who knows me or walks past my desk ) knows that I met Bret Michaels a few weeks ago . I LOVE him , but I don 't want to do him . I was trying to explain this to someone the other day , and I couldn 't quite explain what I meant . " Like , I LOVE him , like LOVE him . I adore him . But I don 't want to see his penis . It would like ruin it , you know ? Like I like keeping this thing innocent . " I mean , let 's get real , Bret Michaels isn 't my type . Besides being closer to my father 's age than my own , his makeup is always better than mine , his stomach is WAY flatter , and his hair is def more luscious and not frizzy ever . I can 't compete with his beauty . So what does make a guy irresistible to me ? Well , let 's just make a top five list to explain it ! 2 . He needs to be passionate about something . Anything . I don 't care if it 's work , his kids , a sport , whatever . Just love something enough to really care about it and want to exceed at it . Exceptions to this would be : drinking , doing heroin , beating women or abusing children . I don 't need any guy who is super passionate about any of those things . 3 . At my age , it 's hard to find a guy who doesn 't have at least one kid . Good , involved dads are SUPER HOT . 4 . Positive attitudes are also a huge turn on . I don 't want to be around Debbie Downers , ever , so if a guy is one he is marked off the list . A guy who is the life of the party and cracking jokes immediately gives me a little female woodie . Also - I really love hosting parties , so a guy who wants to have his buddies over for football games , grill outs , etc , would be great . 5 . Any guy who just takes charge is aces in my book . I realize this pushes the female movement back about 50 years , and I 'm not saying I want to be in an apron in the kitchen ( although I do kinda likes aprons ) . I am just saying I want someone to tell me what to do . I want someone to always drive , because I suck at it ( clearly , I just got hit by a freaking semi ) . I want a guy to be like " We 're going here for dinner . Then we 're going to this movie . " I 've been making decisions and doing whatever I want for 32 . 95 years , now I want someone just to tell me what to do . Posted by I don 't handle death well . I really haven 't had to deal with it in real life since I was ten years old , so my only real experience with it is when celebrities die . But if you know me at all , you know that is like having a family member pass . I was dead asleep on Saturday night ( Sunday morning ) when my friend Jill texted me the news . We always text each other when celebrities die , get married , get knocked up , etc . The texts are very short , and to the point . I still remember when she texted me " Michael Jackson DEAD ! " . Most of the time I see her text , check Twitter just to make sure it 's true , and then just wait for more news to come out . However , when I got the text " Glee kid dead " ( Jill isn 't much of a Glee fan ) , I was shook out of my third level REM sleep and wide awake . Which Glee kid ? My heart broke when I saw it was Cory Monteith . I adore Cory , just like I adore all the original Glee cast . It truly breaks my heart that the show has been renewed for two more seasons and we will have to deal without him being on there . It is also tragic knowing that he was dating Lea Michele in real life , and now she has to go back to work without him . It still doesn 't seem real . How is Glee going to handle this ? They better not just have him " move away " or " go to college " . Glee fans deserve more than that . We need to mourn the loss of this character too . And we were all led to believe that Finn and Rachel were " endgame " . I mean , he even said it to Rachel : I don 't care where you 're living or what dope you 're shacked up with . You 're my girlfriend . We are endgame . I know that and you know that . " Oh , hi goosebumps . I 've seen a lot of you lately , basically since I got that text for Finn was dead . Anyway , if Rachel and Finn were supposed to end up together , not one Glee fan is going to believe that he just left . When J . R . Ewing died , I thought Dallas handled it perfectly . They wrote the death into the show , and basically worked the whole season around it . Watching that funeral felt like closure to me ( I did not handle JR 's death well , either ) . I need that kind of closure with Finn . However , I have no idea how to work this out . Thank God I 'm not a Glee writer . How is Rachel going to get the news that Finn died on the show ? How can I even watch that , knowing in real life she got that same phone call and it destroyed her ? Just like with JR , it 's going to be hard to watch the cast get that news , knowing that their tears are real and they truly are heartbroken . Posted by Well , right this second it 's Gina Marie on Big Brother - what an idiotic idiot . Oh my God , she is sobbing louder than I puke . Get your shit together , loser . At one time , I had lost 90 pounds . I basically have been maintaining for about a year now , but right now I am about 7 - 8 pounds up . What can I say ? I love me some desserts , doritos and warm chocolate chip cookies . I am actually working right now to lose those 8 or 9 ( or maybe 10 ) pounds and get back to my fighting weight . But to be completely honest , I 'm not really concerned about it . I still fit into all my clothes , and I know it 's impossible because I 'm 10 ( or 11 ) pounds up , but I FEEL skinnier . So who knows what is going on . My body feels healthy . My medium tshirts still fit . All my pants still fit . That scale is a sonofabitch sometimes . I know people get annoyed when I talk about my diet and my weight loss . I know they think I am ridiculous when I talk about running . But those people don 't get it . They weren 't fat . I was fat . I am still fat in my heart . There are some days when it takes every ounce of willpower I have not to binge eat the shit out of everything bad for me . I want to go to Arbys , then Taco Bell , then Pizza Hut , then Don and Millies . And then I want Cheesecake Factory for dessert . I want to inhale calories without even tasting them . I want to sit on my couch and eat until I am so full I want to puke . I am still a binge eater at my core , and it takes time and energy every single day not to fall back into old habits and let Fat Jen win . However , it 's time to move on . I am never going to be Fat Jen again . I refuse . So it 's time to say goodbye to her . Starting when I turn 33 , I am no longer going to consider myself 90 pounds lighter ( well . . . maybe 80 ) . I am just ME . This is who I am . This is what I weigh . Any amount of weight I lose ( or gain ) after I turn 33 is a fresh start . I need to truly throw those 90 pounds away and not look back at them . So I will weigh in on my 33rd birthday and that is just it . It 's not up or down from anything , it 's just what I weigh . I need serious therapy for so many issues , but my body / weight issues is def at the top of the " things I need to talk to a shrink about " list . My body consumes 60 % of my thoughts every day . It 's a constant struggle - Can I eat that ? How can I work it off ? Do I need to take a rest day ? Can I drink a full throttle soda ? But I think putting Fat Jen away and truly accepting that this is my body , this is me , and I worked hard to look this way will help me in this process . So the comparison albums on this blog and on facebook will be gone once I turn 33 . No looking back . No getting fat . No back fat . Posted by . . . I really miss having health insurance . It 's wearing on me . Like my foot hurts so bad , but I can 't do anything about it besides wrap it and hope it feels better . Unlike so many other people , I didn 't have a four day weekend . But for some reason it totally feels like I did . And now I 'm going to be lame as shit and tell you what I did all weekend . Thursday was the 4th of July , so Metro was closed . I headed down to Glenwood early and hung out between Dad 's and Mom 's all day . The following things happened : Friday I had to work , but it wasn 't really that bad . I ordered pizza for the office and the day kinda sped by . After work I raced home because I got a package in the mail ( an amazing scale , which is worthy of its own blog entry later this week ) and then I went for a run . After that , I went to Nick 's to play with the boys and then me , him and Han had a campfire and made marshmallows and s ' mores . In case anyone wasn 't sure , I think this is my favorite way to spend an evening . ( But I do not like camping - let 's light the fire in a driveway or backyard , okay ? ) Saturday was an amazing day . I got up and went to the Goodwill because I decided that I refuse to wear pants all summer long , so therefore I need more skirts . I got SO MANY SKIRTS at the Goodwill . Seriously . I got like 10 skirts for $ 36 . Then I went to Walmart to look at microwaves ( oh yeah . . . my microwave blew up on Wednesday night ) but I got distracted . Swimsuits were on major clearance , and I need some for the Bahamas ( we leave in 82 days , but who 's counting ? ) . Any girl ( or guy ) who used to be fat will understand this : I have been avoiding buying a swimsuit . Last year I had a tankini thing , which i hated because it had no support for my boobs . I felt stupid and ugly and fat in it , and I knew I needed to find something better for this summer . But obviously , swimsuit shopping is ridiculously scary , so I have been avoiding it . I dug through their clearance selection , and found a really pretty red suit . I grabbed the size I thought I was , and the one bigger just in case . I went to the dressing room . . . and guess what ? I loved it . The smaller size was perfect , and my eyes teared up . No one will get this unless you used to be fat and know the horrors of trying to find a swimsuit you wouldn 't be humiliated to wear in public . I forgot about microwaves and bought that one suit and bolted . I ran home and ate lunch , and then headed to my sister Nicole 's . We were going to meet our other sister , Kate , in Nebraska City for some shopping and dinner . Guess what happened ? I found TWO MORE SUITS . I am now set for my trip , and for lazy days at my apartment pool . I am so happy . And I only teared up for a second in the dressing room that time around . After dinner , my sisters and I spent a ridiculous amount of time in Walmart and then Nicole and I headed home . I spent the rest of the night with the Pretty Little Liars , and then I was too scared to go to bed so I was up all night . ( Seriously . . . that show is thebomb . com and sometimes it actually does terrify me . Fucking A . ) Sunday I got a wakeup call bright and early from Nick , and we headed to Hannah 's dad 's lakehouse pretty early in the day . Well , early for someone who had been up all night because she was scared of a fictional television character . It was a perfect day . Floating on the lake is the best way to spend a day . After a grocery store trip , I was home for the evening to watch PLL and TRUE BLOOD . Oh , and rub aloe all over my body . How is it after months of obsessively tanning , the real sun still burnt the crap outta me ? 1 . I hate knowing that Sookie and Bill will never be again . I know they haven 't been a couple in a few seasons , but there was just something about their connection with each other , the way they cared for one another and knowing there was always a chance they might get back together that kept me happy . However , now with Bill being some vampire God with secret , undiscovered powers , it 's truly over . Especially since he busted his way into Sookie 's house and declared her " dead to him " . 3 . If I can 't have Bill and Sookie 's sexual tension , I need Eric and Sookie 's . I thought we were getting there in the season premiere , but that hope quickly went away when she rescinded her invitation to her house . The only thing that bothers me about this match is that Eric is like two feet taller than Sookie , which is awkward . But that doesn 't matter once they lay down . 4 . I cannot deal with packmaster dickhead Alcide . Come on buddy . Just take your clothes off and be happy and help the vampers . 6 . I miss Luna . And I even miss Russell Edgington . 7 . But get this new fairy boy love interest for Sookie out of my life . Sookie is going to hook up with a vampire or a werewolf . Not one of her own . I 'm going to stop there , cause I could keep going all day and if you don 't watch the show , this entry makes no sense to you . Even if these things are bothering me , I will continue to watch it . There are still so many things I LOVE . Like I love Eric this season . He is so passionate about saving the vampires , and the hotness between him and the governor 's daughter is killing me . And I love Pam and Tara - seriously , I do . And I LOVE how Jason and Sookie have met their fairy grandfather and are calling him Grandpa . And I LOVE having Anna Camp back as Steve Newlin 's wife . I love her . WAIT . I just remembered a main character is going to die this season . I 'm just warning all y ' all - if it is Jason , I will lose my shit . Posted by
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These past years have been difficult when it came to writing non - fiction police books and blog posts . I spent six of my eight years with the Small Town Police Department as lead detective in Sex Crime and Homicide cases . I can easily look back on those first two years in law enforcement and smile . A victim in one of my cases asked me about my writing one day . I managed to keep my author identity fairly quiet but somehow she heard . I gave her the Bad Luck Blog information so she could visit my blog and see the people and stories I wrote about . Chief Scott Silverii approached me months ago and asked me to join the 10 - Code project - ten fictions stories , written by cops , honoring fallen officers . All proceeds will go to the National Law Enforcement Officer 's Memorial Fund . I was extremely honored to take part in Scott 's incredible endeavor . Today , 10 - Code is available at major online retailers . Below you will find the buy links . If you 've pre - ordered , I hope you are sinking your teeth into this awesome book . If you didn 't pre - order you need to download your copy now . Please , it 's only $ 2 . 99 and all proceeds go to NLEOMF ! My story , The Forever Team , is dedicated to my police academy friend Philip Rodriguez . I miss him and his smile so much . Writing each word brought him up front and center in my thoughts . I try not to be sad but his loss had a profound effect on so many . Once a year , I visit the Officer Down Memorial Page and read the newest comments on Philip 's page . I 've left several of my own but this time I couldn 't . Philip 's dad had the top post and it needed to stay there . Seeing the worst of humanity becomes second nature and the daily expectation when many officers put on their uniform . It wears on you , causes depression , lack of motivation , and discontent in our jobs . When those down and out times come along and I 'm not seeing the sunshine through my patrol vehicle windshield , something always happens to lift my spirits . During one of my Christmas day shifts , I was trying to shake off a fatality car accident caused by a drunk driver . I wondered if this was really the job for me . I hadn 't slept well the previous three days since the crash and feeling Christmas harmony was far from my mind . Though I enjoyed working the holidays , that particular day I wanted to be home with family to take my mind off the images that wouldn 't go away . I stopped at the local twenty - four hour convenience store to grab a cup of hot coffee and try to put a buzz in my dragging boot steps . A man dressed in weathered clothes walked up to me and handed a plain black folded wallet over . He said he found it on the ground in the parking lot . I asked for his name and information but he said he didn 't want to give it . He turned and walked away . I thanked him but he never looked back . I paid for my coffee and headed out to my patrol car . After getting myself situated , I opened the wallet looking for identification . Three very crisp one hundred dollar bills rested inside . The wallet also held an out of town driver 's license , a debit card , and a few business cards . I lay it on the seat beside me and continued my patrol . Approximately thirty minutes later , dispatch notified me there was a man looking for a lost wallet at the convenience store . I couldn 't help my grin as I turned and headed in that direction . When I pulled up it was easy to identify the man with the missing wallet . His overwhelming dejection was completely evident . I grabbed the wallet and got out of the car . He began speaking before I could say anything . I drove away with a lighter heart and my faith in humanity restored . Really it was such a small thing but it came at just the right time . With all the negative press about police officers , I feel it 's important to remember why we do our jobs . We need to look for those small things that put smiles on our faces and soothe our souls . I don 't think the man who found the wallet was someone else 's Santa , I think he was my guardian angel . New York Times Best - Selling Author John Gilstrap is writing the forward . I 've been a long - time fan of John 's since he burst on the mystery scene with Nathan 's Run . It continues to be one of my favorite books . Pick any one of his books and you 'll be enthralled until the last word . I 'm so very excited he 's giving our project a huge boost . After losing her partner to cancer , Detective Lacy Jolett is impossible to work with and has a higher complaint record than her solved case ratio . Her sergeant says enough is enough and sends her away for training with a new partner . Suii is just as stubborn as Detective Jolett but has a cute nub tail and uses it to break through Lacy 's mental brick walls . How does she say no to one - hundred - fifty pounds of K9 Rottweiler who understands heartache ? Lacy is such an incredible character ! Combine her with a fierce but lovable dog they are a team made in heaven . I am honored to be part of this incredible project . Proceeds for the sale of the book will go to The National Law Enforcement Officer 's Memorial Fund . Thoughts about another story featuring Lacy and her sidekick are running through my mind and screaming to get out . They will escape , I promise . I love the holidays and always have . During my years on patrol , I worked every Thanksgiving and Christmas . I loved the cheerful smiles when citizens saw me out on holiday patrol . And , I missed these days after my promotion to detective . I 've been invited into people 's homes for dinner , handed gifts , and thanked numerous times for my service . If you know anything about me by now , you know lots of hugs happen on these days too . Maybe that 's why they will always hold special memories . In 2005 , my patrol car was fitted with a back cage for the first time . Why you may ask , wouldn 't a patrol car have a cage ? Simple really … budget . I always worried someone I arrested would slip their cuffs and assault me from behind . So , in 2004 , I was thankful for a cage . In 2006 , we received our first Tasers . Each morning I uniformed up and popped my Taser . This is a test to make sure it works properly . Every police officer loves the orgasmic sound a Taser makes . I was very thankful that year . In 2007 , due to seniority , I moved up to a new Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor . This baby could fly . It had all the bells and whistles including a cage and plastic seats in the back . So nice because when arrestees pee , vomit , or worse you can wash it out with a hose . That was a thankful year . In 2008 , I made detective and was transferred into an older unmarked Crown Vic . It went from zero to thirty in about ten minutes . Don 't feel sorry for me though , I was able to store my non - flattering uniforms away and wear comfortable casual clothes . I exchanged my clunky black boots for ones with a pointier toe and also took my hair out of a bun styling it in a bouncy ponytail . Out of everything that year , I was mostly thankful for weekends off and no more shift work . In 2009 , from September through the end of the year , I worked a missing child case that went from one missing boy to three dead at the hands of the same person . As Thanksgiving loomed closer , the FBI joined us and I learned a lot about teamwork . They also shared all their great toys that a small town detective can only drool over . As sad as this case was , it 's one of the highlights of my career in law enforcement . That year I was thankful that my family was in good health and safe . From 2010 through 2013 , police life was not as eventful as 2009 but my list of thanks was never - ending . I gained a new partner who came with a K9 . I gained weight though that didn 't make the thankful category , and I gained an appreciation for the small things in life . Yep , you read correctly . I 've been asked to participate in a cop anthology dedicated to officers killed in the line of duty . It 's fiction but taken from my experiences on the street . I just received my story back from editing so I swear this is the real deal . The book " 10 Code " releases January 6th , 2015 . All proceeds will go to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Foundation . Can you tell that I 'm excited ? Detectives work best in teams . It 's that whole right brain , left brain scenario . In a good , well - established team what one person misses the other zeros in on . That 's what I lost when my partner Tony died of cancer . It 's been two years and I still can 't find that someone who complements me , pushes me to be a better detective , and puts up with my moods . Not to mention my outside - the - box speculations of possible events in a crime . Tony was always first to congratulate me when I was dead - on , even after making fun of my leap from evidence to outrageous . He also pointed out when I was wrong and made sure I remembered several times over . My department has five detectives and I 'm odd man out , or in my case , woman out . Of thirty - two certified officers , I 'm one of three females , and the only female detective . I work in a man 's world . That 's another reason Tony and I meshed . He didn 't care if I had a vagina and inverted balls . He wanted to solve cases , and the two of us were damned good at it . For the past two years , I coasted along barely making the motions . I continued solving cases , but not at the same rate as Tony and I had managed to . I also tried working with different detectives looking for that spark I had with Tony . Don 't get me wrong , my relationship with Tony was in no way sexual . He was happily married to Beth , and Beth and I were close . We stayed in touch for a while after Tony died ; a drink now and then with happy and sad memories of the man we both loved . Now , after two years , she was remarrying this fall . I knew because I received a " save the date " card . Of all the stupid things to come up with in an already ridiculous event called weddings , they added save the date . A fork lodged in my throat was more appealing . And to make it worse , once Beth hit the dating market again , our friendship dwindled . Her life without Tony moved on . Mine was ending here today at a dog kennel . Yes , an overdramatic statement , but in my opinion accurate . After years of grievances made against me by fellow officers and detectives , my sergeant , Lou Spence , stopped listening to my excuses . He was partnering me with a dog . A trained K9 - the miracle partner . One who never files complaints . " They smell and need a tight choker collar with a few kibbles thrown their way every now and then . It doesn 't help much , though , and they generally remain an all - around nuisance . " I was trying to push the sergeant 's buttons , but it didn 't seem to work . He didn 't acknowledge my condescending reply in the slightest . " Here , take this . " He handed me a small packet . " Your training begins Monday at 0800 . You 'll be gone for eight weeks . Don 't worry about your cases ; they 're being reassigned . Make arrangements with your current mongrel so he knows you 'll be out of town . " He looked directly into my eyes and the corners of his mouth tipped up slightly . For a second I thought he 'd smile . " Don 't call me , Lacy , I 'll call you . " By using my first name he was telling me I was completely SOL . Six weeks of dual - purpose canine training later , with two more to go , I was receiving my official K9 . Jack Mallory , the head of the Arizona Police K9 Reserve Program , was walking me through the kennels so I could check out a few prospects . Jack was around my age and too sexy for his own good . It made the process of finding a dog much harder . During our six weeks of training , Jack 's grumpy , I - prefer - dogs attitude grew on me . This is what loneliness did to a woman , and I had to mentally shake myself so I could focus on the reason I was here . I pulled my eyes away from Jack and looked at the cages . Shepherds , Belgian Malinois , and even one Staffordshire Terrier stared back at me with perceived contempt . I 'd trained with all three breeds these past weeks and couldn 't care less what the dogs thought of me . One of the Shepherds tried to take off my hand when I laid it flat to the bars of the cage . I didn 't jerk my hand back and managed an evil glare that didn 't intimidate the dog at all . Not the dog for me . I wanted as little work as possible . One of the Malinois caught my eye , so Jack brought him out of the cage . " Sterling has a good disposition and he 's not too high strung . He may not act it now , but he 's fierce when necessary and likes to play during his down time . He 's young and needs lots of attention . You 'd make him a good partner . " I didn 't want a partner . I was here to get my sergeant off my back . Lots of attention was another problem . I barely paid attention to my own appearance . Each workday , I lotioned my face and threw my dirty blonde hair into a ponytail . I exercised regularly , which for my job was necessary . My high cheekbones and small chin had most people thinking I was much younger . I had good genes to thank for that . Like I said , though , I really couldn 't care less what anyone thought of me . And a needy dog was more than I was capable of . I actually pitied the mutt who got stuck with me . Jack looked between me and the Rottweiler a few times before answering . " That 's Suii . He 's lazy and getting up there in age . He has maybe two years left before he 's retired . " I had eight , but we were sorta equal if you stretched it by comparing human years to dog years . " Bring him out . " That was another thing about Jack ; my short , clipped phrases apparently didn 't irritate him . He opened the cage . Suii lifted his head seemingly uncaring . Jack snapped his fingers . The dog slowly uncurled his massive body while gaining his feet . Big . Damn big . I 'd judge Suii pushed one - fifty . The dog walked out of the cage and sat beside Jack 's legs . It was a slouching sit . Lazy . The perfect dog for me . Jack attached a leash and handed me the end . Suii didn 't budge . Jack just looked at me , waiting to see what I 'd do . I gave a firm tug and snapped my fingers . Just as slowly as Suii came out of his cage , he walked the three feet separating us and sat - slouched again . His huge head tipped sideways and back as his big chocolate eyes stared into mine . I didn 't take it as dominance . The dog appraised me like I appraised him . " I have a large couch , a television , and a small back patio . If you can handle that , I 'll take you , " I said in a no - nonsense tone . His head cocked a little more and his floppy ears lifted just a bit . I took that as an affirmative and looked at Jack . " When do we go home ? " " We can start the next phase of training right now . Suii 's trained in German . You 'll have two additional weeks to become acquainted and learn his language before you can leave . Do you have questions about him , like why he 's here ? " He looked down at the dog and his lips compressed . " His handler left him in the car . The call went bad , and Officer Bradly was shot and killed . Suii hasn 't bonded with anyone since , so don 't get your hopes up . He 's unenthusiastic and can be difficult . " For many police officers mandatory overtime is a favorite phrase . Twice a year , even in the toughest economy , it 's the rule . The first is New Year 's Eve and the second is Halloween . I 'm a fright night lover so you can probably guess which my favorite is . I learned early in my career how best to enjoy this fun and crazy night . I always put my name in to work the day patrol shift . The other cops give me strange looks . They want the nightlife because Halloween day is when the ghosts and goblins , better known as teenagers , rest up so they can terrorize the town when the moon 's at its zenith . I have a list of names , reported by the local grocery and convenience stores , for those restless zombies who purchased eggs during the day . The stores actually stock up on embryo supplies just to keep the monsters at bay . A simple phone call , using my evil cackle has the clerks spilling their guts . The calls start coming in and my police radio heats up . I can hear excited voices on the car to car channel as officers zero in on the culprits and head that direction only to be thwarted . Not me . I 'm older and wiser than the average patrol super hero . I head to the do it yourself carwash . To keep their brooms from melting , the flying monkeys make mad dashes through the stream of immortality before heading back out . This is where the chocolate and dollar bills come in handy . I pay the heathens for wicked intel and enjoy the candy bars myself . A few calls to dispatch and my crime fighting brethren are now heading in the direction of the next ambush . I confiscate the blood - filled eggs , or at least that 's what the begging and moaning vampires have me believing they are and wait for my next victims . My voodoo list of names comes in handy when I need to summon demons aka a phone call to their mothers if they refuse to cooperate . Officers request I give up the secret spell that allows me to pin - point the next phantom egg attack but what fun would that be ? And , I 'd probably have to share my chocolate stash . In a small town , everyone knows where you live , what schedule you work , and when you are home . They don 't care that you worked the night shift and need sleep for your next shift . You are their neighbor , friend , or in some cases the person who put them in jail the night before . I arrested twenty - four - year - old Raymond Thoms for driving under the influence and open container . He was highly intoxicated and belligerent . His sexual innuendos and continued derogative gestures during the intoxilizer test had the jail detention officers threatening to place him in a restraint chair . Adding to my discomfort , Raymond 's mother was a friend and neighbor . I 'd previously known Raymond as polite and helpful whenever I saw him . Now , he was the perfect example of someone who should never drink alcohol . I managed to control my irritation but admit I was glad to leave Raymond behind to let him sleep it off . I escaped the jail about twenty minutes before the end of my shift and took a final drive through town before going home . A short time later , I fell into bed completely exhausted . At around six in the morning , pounding at my front door had my husband cursing and me grabbing a bathrobe and groggily stumbling to the door . I know big city cops are cringing at this point but events such as this happen in small towns . I stepped back and invited Raymond inside . I turned on the coffee pot and offered him a seat at my kitchen table . It took all of two seconds before he was balling his eyes out apologizing for what happened . I know he was still intoxicated but at least now I saw signs of the sweet young man I 'd known for several years . Apparently one of the detention officers was Raymond 's second cousin and had no trouble calling Dorothy , Raymond 's mother , and informing her of what he put me through in the jail . Raymond told me he remembered very little but the same officer quite blatantly told him about his behavior . After the judge released Raymond , he called his mother to pick him up only to be informed he was no longer welcome in her home . Raymond walked two and a half miles to my front door and now I had him sitting in my kitchen begging me to intervene . I 'm happy to report that as far as I know , Raymond never drank again . He and his wife just had their second child and Raymond always gives me a big hug when we see each other . And yes , Dorothy allowed him home after a lengthy conversation . I know she gave in more to get him out of my kitchen than to bring him so quickly back into the family fold . As a single mother , she was quite rigid when it came to her son crossing the line and I applaud her for that . I don 't envy Raymond those first weeks after he returned home but he survived . A few weeks ago , with plenty of laughter , Dorothy and I rehashed the story of Raymond crying in my kitchen afraid he was homeless . Dorothy reminded me of the small things I miss most from the day to day adventures as a cop . No shift was ever boring and the comradery of my fellow officers was like nothing I experienced before or since . And yes , I even miss the Raymonds who made police life interesting . In my thoughts , I continue to identify myself as an officer . I wonder when that will stop and my civilian status will settle in . Maybe , that 's when my retirement will truly hit home . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! 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I wrote this two years ago , and if I wrote it today , mostly it would say the same things , with the addition that I would like to go see my dad 's show . I doubt I will ever be ok with missing Applefest , though I do love our own little traditions now , and I bet lots of people feel this way . So here are my thoughts again . . . I am feeling especially homesick this week , because it is Applefest back home this weekend . Franklin Applefest is a huge event in our town , and most FHS almuni go back for the weekend . We will never do that , because the Boy 's family owns a restaurant downtown and my Dad is very often involved in the shows , so if we came home , no one would have time to hang out with us ! So , this time of year I get pouty and start stating plans to move back as soon as possible . So here are the things I miss most about Franklin Applefest every year : 1 . The season - the air is crisp and cool , but most years it isn 't too cold or too rainy ( though those Applefests have definitely happened ) . The best part is that all the trees are starting to change color , so the whole area just looks beautiful . It is the BEST time of year to live in Pennsylvania . It 's why fall is my favorite season , and I am pretty sure I am not the only one ! 2 . The Show ! The Barrow Civic Theater always goes for a blockbuster at Applefest , so the show is often kind of " classic . " I won 't say they are all winners , but I love them when my Dad is directing . This year they are doing Oliver , and my Dad is the director , and everything I have heard is that the show is fantastic , so if you are in Western PA , buy tickets before they sell out ( which they often do this weekend ) . . 3 . It 's genuine and un - ironic weirdness - you get this a lot in the crafts . We have a shockingly large collection of Applefest seashells ( The Pope , Elvis , the American Flag with Native Americans , etc . ) The crafts every year go from sweet to just bizarre , but they aren 't trying to be cool or weird or ironic . They are just awesome . Plus , very often when you walk around the parks , you will just happen upon something really odd . That is the insane beauty of living in a small town . Things are odd , without trying to be odd . 4 . You see EVERYONE you know - This is a picture of me and my cousin Harrison from 5 years ago . This weekend , you can see Harrison with his band at Bossa Nova 's on Saturday . Everyone comes back , and when you do , you can 't go 5 feet without running into someone else you know . Of course , this is a mixed bag , especially if you are like me and you don 't exactly love the small talk , but so often you get to see like 50 people you love in the same hour , and now I understand what a huge freaking blessing that is . 5 . The Food - I am happy whenever I am in walking distance from some cotton candy . You could also get a great hot sausage sandwich . The Methodist Church also has a giant pancake breakfast , where you again see everyone you have ever known ever . Ok , so we again are stuck here this year , so I am pulling out the old Applefest decorations and pushing the boy to buy the stuff I need for Apple Pie . So many of the things we just can 't replicate - the crafts , the fall weather , and seeing people we love . Those are all out ( though we are serving at the church Saturday night , so we can look forward to seeing people who vaguely know who we are , oh joy ) . So I try to focus on the food , the weird representations of fall , and when we can we watch the movie version of the Applefest show . This is what I think works : 1 . Apple Cinamon Pancakes - This is NOT what they serve in the basement of the Methodist Church , but it is what we have found works over the year . We make a regular batch of bisquick , just like they say on the box , then add less than a tablespoon of brown sugar and about 3 good shakes of cinnamon . To make the apples , cut up whichever apple you choose ( we usually start with something like granny apple , but for an apple like that you may have to add a little extra sugar ) . Peal , core , and slice the 5 - 6 apples , as if you are making an apple pie . Saute the apples with 3 tbs . of butter and a pinch of salt . Do this for 15 minutes , and add a bunch of cinammon , a 1 / 8 cup of sugar , and a 1 / 2 cup of water and have it simmer down til it is a consistency you like . If it doesn 't seem right yet , throw in some more water and a pinch more sugar , and keep at it . Put on pancakes and enjoy ! 2 . Drink apple cider ! This may be the best part of our tradition , because it is so good . Even better now that I have given up juice . 3 . Embrace our weird crafts and decor - Yep , we bring in little mini pumpkins and buy the weirdest fall / halloween decorations we can find . I think now that I have the wall in the dining room , I might make some of my own weird crafts and hang them ! 4 . Hot sausage sandwiches - I am not sure I have any tricks to share on how to make these awesome , except that The Boy Puts the onions and peppers on the bottom of the sandwich so they don 't fall all over the place . 5 . Bring in fall - colored flowers - this may seem like a stupid thing , but here it is still way hot outside and it looks like July . You wouldn 't even know it is fall . Bringing in some natural , but fall - shaded stuff . I am thinking I will try the apple candle - holders later this week . I will let you know how it goes ! Yesterday , all I did was hang out on Artsy and try to get to a thousand artworks genomed ( my monthly goal - I was around 200 short ) . I finally think I am figuring out how to step it up and get moving . from womenspiritualpoetry . blogspot . com 1 . Alyscia Cunningham 's portraits of women of all ages - Gah , I love these . Please don 't judge her off this kind of jank reproduction . This artist is still early in her career , but I think her work is both beautiful and really smart . Check it out . from www . en . cas . uni - muenchen . de 2 . George Kuettinger 's ( manipulated ) panoramic landscapes - The artist takes photographs of landscapes over time and from different angles , then splices them together to make these gorgeous ( but ultimately false ) panoramic landscapes . from www . re - title . com 3 . Michael Scoggins ' oversized notes - The artist does huge scale versions of the kinds of materials I too made ( when I was in third grade ) . The results are funny , but they also comment on American culture , what we represent to our children , and how we all learn to interact with each other . Share Today was the last day for this month 's genoming , and I think it mostly went pretty well . One of the trends I really like to see , especially while I am missing painted seashells , quilts , and my Grammy 's knitgoods , is Contemporary Crafting . I love artists like Florencia Walfish who quilt and embroider . Florencia Walsh , Me Lo Dijo Mi Garganta ( My Throat told me ) , 2009 , from www . gallerykrom . com Last week I wrote about my experience watching my Aunt keep at her fight against Ovarian cancer , and her daughter Shelly and I had a great conversation about how little attention and support this cancer gets . It has a REALLY high mortality rate and very little progress has been made in improving this number in almost 30 years . In other words , we need to do a better job raising awareness about this cancer for Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month before everything turns Pink in October . 3 . Share the picture on Facebook , Instagram , and other cooler social media I don 't know about . With the picture , share one fact about Ovarian Cancer - it can be about the survival rate , the late detection , or even a story about your own experience ( or love for someone who is fighting right now ) ! 1 . Surprise Date Day Downtown - Our plan was to go shop at our farmer 's market , but it is in the University District , and there was a football game , so we decided to go to Pike 's Market instead . It was kind of fun to land there spontaneously , though the whole place was popping because the weekend was nice . Still , we tried some new things there and landed at the famous gum wall while searching for a treat . We bought some really delicious apples there , though on closer inspection , I am pretty suspicious of how local or organic their produce is . 2 . Creepy Birthing Bathtub Suites - We toured where the baby will be born , and I thought it would be really cool . It felt comforting that we chose the right place to have the baby , but the bathtub they showed us was so weird . Like a really old ladies bathroom being made into a very clinical spa or something . It has a weird energy I have definitely not seen before . 3 . The leaves are changing - Trees are actually changing here ! Not in our yard , but when we drive around , it actually looks like fall , which is a huge change from where we were . 4 . This gutter - On Stewart ( or Virginia ? Not sure ) , you can see this down spout / planter on your way back up from the market . No deep thoughts here , I just wanted to share a pretty thing . 5 . Kicking off Apple Week with Flowers and Pie - God bless Seattle 's flower sellers , because these dahlias are both amazing and cheap . I started putting up fall decorations yesterday , and the colors of these flowers just reminds me of the leaves on Pennsylvania trees this time of year . So I am excited to be celebrating the fall ! We baked pie and made apple cucumber salad and grilled cheese with apple . Will do more food blogs later this week . 6 . Our Apple Pie Recipe - Which incidentally I can only ever find on this blog , so I am repeating it here : 1 . Preheat the oven to 375 . I have read all sorts of theories about turning the heat up or down on the pie , but I keep it simple . For the bottom crust , I just use the frozen Pilsbury ones . I have never tried a real one , but my mom used to slave over them ( they are apparently a real pain ) and people liked the fake ones better or at least as well . So she gave up on them , and by the time I was learning from her , they worked . I kind of love them , and feel no shame telling you this . If you are going to have a dessert , guilty pleasure it all the Peel and slice the apples . If you like them crispier , keep them a little thicker , but I usually try to slice them very thin . pour in the cinnamon and sugar , but do the sugar in shifts so you don 't over do it . Mix it up so the apples are coated and put them in the pie pan . Cut your Mix the brown sugar , flour , and cinammon together . Then put little chunks of the cool butter in ( again , pace yourself , and when the consistency looks right , just quit ) . When it looks like wet sand , your done ! Pour and spread on top of your apples . 4 . Put in the oven with tin foil around the crust for 15 - 20 minutes ( we have one of those crust protector things , which really helps you not burn yourself - lots of recipes recommend putting this on at the end , but I find taking it off saves your fingers ) . Take it off at the 20 minute mark or so , sepending on how it looks . Then bake for another 35 minutes . 5 . Let it cool for at least 45 minutes . Ideally , 2 hours , but we are all only human , and sometimes , you just have to eat the pie . Once you cut some pieces away , try to pour the goup out as much as you can . I try to imagine everything I am getting rid of is butter and fat , so then I can eat more pie . When I just have a normal crust pie , I do this straight out of the oven , but the strudel top won 't hold on , so be careful ! How Far Along : 32 weeks completed ! Bumbo Baby is the size of a squash , but even more exciting , he seems to have found a more comfy spot for everyone involved , so I am pumped about that . Isn 't it weird , when you think about it , that they spend up to 2 months hanging out upside down inside you before they come out ? What kind of vampire bat is hanging from my rib cage ? Also , for all the other advice you get to walk with a newborn or sing to a newborn because they are used to it , why is there no alternative parenting movement where you carry your baby upside down ? Best Moment of the Week : The Boy and I went to the birthing floor tour yesterday morning , and rather than coming out overwhelmed with our pre - parental laxness , I think we mostly felt pretty reassured by the whole thing . The rooms are super big , there is a one to one patient to nurse ratio , and they leave the baby with you the whole time as long as everyone is healthy . They even have big jacuzzi tubs , so it is like the most painful spa I could ever go to . It is weird to have an actual place to imagine now when I think about labor , and it made the whole thing feel real , but mostly in a good way . Afterwards , rather than panicking , we went on an impromptu date downtown , bought apples for apple week at Pike 's Place Market and The Boy got me flowers . We also got fried clams and were almost attacked by seagulls ( they are so gross ) . All in all , it was a good day ! Prego Quirk : Other pregos aren 't that friendly ! I was completely sure that one of the upsides of all these pregnancy classes would be meeting other people who were in the same boat . But so far , I have been totally shocked by how sour these people are . I mean , I get that no one wants to spend their Wednesday night learning about how to pick a baby doctor , but you did sign up for it . Why are they all so cranky ? Where you think you are going to find a bunch of understanding , you find a lot of coldness or competitiveness ( " I will be the expert of this class on baby doctors ! I will get an A plus at asking questions ! " ) . Maybe I have just been with the wrong people so far , but I have also noticed at Baby Yoga , mommas try to one up each other a little bit on the soreness . Everyone wants to be the first person ever to have a baby , and they want to have done it the best . I Would Really Like Some : Home treats would be nice . Also , I would like to be back inside my old self , so I can walk and lean over without the ooooph oooph noise . I mostly want to stop having to hear myself complain , because I am stuck with this whining all the time ! One Warned me About : After 31 straight weeks of eating everything in sight , being ready to eat again as soon as I finished the last thing , and generally just having the appetite of a grown woman and a baby elephant after a week of fasting , I suddenly just don 't ever feel all that hungry . I am pretty sure that where the baby is landing just crunches up on my stomach in a way that I mostly feel full . I am sort of happy about this , because it is nice to not constantly be eating . And The Boy ? : Two baby classes left him feeling like we are way behind on the preparedness front , so he has stepped it up yet again . We added a bunch of doctor meet and greets to our schedule , so we have had lots of talk about family doctor versus pediatrician . It 's kind of funny how much the decisions we make on parents are based solely on our experience as kids ( so , we didn 't die , so it must be fine , right ? ) . Looking Forward to : This week , I am looking forward to celebrating Applefest and the official start of fall in this house . Other than that , I am super excited for progress being made on the house and that 's about it . We are settling into boring , and at least for now , I don 't mind it . Share The first weekend of October is Applefest in Franklin , PA , our hometown . Since The Boy 's family all work constantly through the weekend , we will probably never go home for it ( until of course we live in Pittsburgh - a classmate told me at our reunion that she only talks about moving to Pittsburgh with certainty , no ifs . I am using this tactic now . WHEN we move back to Pennsylvania , we might still go back for Applefest ) . This year , as I have reached the no fly zone of my pregnancy , we doubly won 't be going home . But we have mastered the fine art of celebrating that one time Johnny Appleseed came through in our own way on our own coast . Mostly , we eat apple type things ( and hot sausage sandwiches ) and decorate with apples and embarrassing crafts . As you might imagine , I am pumped for this whole thing , and the house already looks a lot more like fall . So this week 's theme is about Applefest , in Franklin and elsewhere , and coming up with traditions to make where you are at feel more like home . " Living in a small town . . . is like living in a large family of rather uncongenial relations . Sometimes it 's fun , and sometimes it 's perfectly awful , but it 's always good for you . People in large towns are like only - children . " - Joyce Dennys 1 . Terry Crews on Huff Post Live about being a feminist and aggression / anger in sports - First of all , I mostly really really hate Huff Post Live , so I am glad I actually sat through this one to hear what he had to say . The article underneath focused on his soundbites about the amount of anger necessary to be a good football player and the way the sport encourages abuse / alienation . All of this is well and good , but I was more encouraged to hear his criticism of how professional sports treat women as second class citizens and how he self - identifies as a feminist ( if you don 't think this is hard to do , you can actually see this big guy be kind of scared to say it and then go for it ) . I am convinced that Terry Crews and Chris Pratt are in some sort of secret competition of dude 's dudes who feminists freaking love . Tom Hiddleston is also in that game , and the post of his HeforShe support is also doing the rounds on Pinterest . I love that this is even a thing now , but seriously , how much cuter are men who openly respect women ? Well - played , gentlemen . 2 . People who are going to get an A plus at parenting - Ack . We should have been those people , and yet , we do not show up for our various parenting classes and events with prepared questions and a strong sense of what the goal is . So far , we have left everyone mostly reflecting on how stupid we are and how little we know about this business . But I have now met plenty of soon to be moms who are going to be awesome at baby - parenting . My goal is that our spawn survives to toddlerhood . 3 . Flying Squirrel Pizza - Particularly , their cheesy bread . Oh to be pregnant and not have to feel so bad eating cheesy bread . We have our delivery pizza place , which is pretty obviously owned by Greek people , and I am pretty sure Flying Squirrel is run by a large pack of waspy hipsters , because all of their servers make me feel tragically uncool . Also , this is the only restaurant I know of that has Ron Swanson as Hans Solo as one of the decorations on the wall . I wanted to take a picture of it , but there were people right there , and I feel like that creeps them out . I asked for it for Christmas . 4 . Catching up with people - Yesterday was one of those days where I heard from a bunch of our California friends on facebook and on the phone . I loved hearing how they were doing and catching up with their lives , though it did make me miss living there ( who would have guessed that would ever happen ) ! 5 . All the hype for the opening of Chicago - If you live anywhere near Franklin , PA , go see this production ( which I hear is awesome ) at the Barrow Civic Theater . Do it for this beached whale and her adorable anchor of a fetus . I love that even on Facebook , you can really see how much people support each other and these shows in our small town ! Since I have been writing about Ovarian Cancer and the lack of awareness around it this week , I have really been obsessing over how we could raise awareness for this type of cancer . October is Breast Cancer awareness month , and things are already going up for it and about it ( also , watch out for Susan G Komen , that foundation is sketch ) . I was talking to Shelly yesterday , and she noted that it can be frustrating that pink is EVERYWHERE in October , but just a month before she has trouble getting the word out about Ovarian Cancer . It makes her wonder why her mom doesn 't get that same kind of support . Rochelle and I talked a lot about the ALS challenge , and how we thought it was great that people did learn about the disease in the process of doing the kind of silly challenge . Even if no one donated a penny to Ovarian cancer this month , just raising awareness and knowledge about this cancer would be a huge victory . So that is what we are going to try to do . Every Tuesday in September ( obviously we are late for this year , so we will have to go big next Tuesday ! ) , I am going to wear teal . I will post a picture of my awesome teal outfit here , on facebook , and on instagram with a fact about ovarian cancer . It 's that simple . Since we only have 1 week to do it , I am really hopeful that you do this with me ! If we can shine a light on Ovarian Cancer for one day ( not to mention continue references from a ten year old movie ) , I think it will be a big victory . If you know Ann , or you know one of us who loves her , this is a fun way to show her some support ! Next year , we will go bigger and do it every Tuesday in September , but I think there is no time like the present to kickstart it . It can be silly , or you can rock the best teal business in your wardrobe - there is no way to do this wrong ! So , everyone ready ? Tuesday , September 30th , wear teal ! Share your fancy duds and some knowledge about Ovarian Cancer ! Help us to bring attention that may lead to earlier detection and a WAY lower mortality rate ! September 30th ! Tuesday ! Teal ! Join us ! 1 . John Malkovich as Andy Warhol - Sandro Miller 's John Malkovich recreations of classic photographs play more like John Malkovich re - enactments of famous people ( I mean , really , how much of the history of photography is actually about movie stars ? Way less than this series would suggest ) , but I still kind of love them . Also , the Warhol photograph is not particularly on point stylistically , but it 's amazing how good Malkovich looks . He is good , because he pulls off some figures he certainly has no right to . I love it . 2 . Sick Days - The Boy woke up yesterday and did not feel up for work at all , so I had company all day . I didn 't get as much done as I would have , but it was neat to have his company . Also , we did my favorite exercise , which is to walk to Ben and Jerry 's . 3 . Daniela Comani 's book covers - At first this 2007 - 2008 series of gender swapped book titles plays a bit like a one off gag , but the longer you think about it , the more you can reflect on how the history of literature is mostly about dudes and dude problems ( or ladies who misbehave and are punished ) . The gender politics of the canon has certainly been discussed and revisited , but presenting the physical objects emphasizes the power of their presence . Share Why should you care about Ovarian Cancer ? September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness month , and this disease certainly warrants our attention . Ovarian Cancer is not one of the most common cancers effecting women ( it only makes up about 3 % statistically ) , but it is one of the most difficult to diagnose , and for that reason , one of the ones with the highest mortality rates . Early diagnosis is so difficult that often by the time the cancer is found , it has already grown through the abdomen and may no longer even qualify as purely Ovarian Cancer . Aunt Ann was in this position when they found her tumor . She was 48 . It has been a tough battle , but she is kicking cancer 's butt . Her experience may have been totally different with earlier diagnosis , but this is not a real possibility yet . The American Cancer Society predicts that about 21 , 000 women will be diagnosed with Ovarian cancer this year , and about 14 , 000 will die from it ( so 60 % ) . In comparison , almost 300 , 000 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer or carcinoma in situ ( the earliest phase of breast cancer ) , and about 40 , 000 will die from it ( so about 13 % ) . The numbers are much smaller , but the treatment is less successful . One of the reasons for this is that the average age of Ovarian Cancer diagnosis is relatively late in life ( their 60 's ) , but where other cancers have made a lot of progress , the mortality rate for this cancer has only fallen a very small amount . In other words , it may seem like a less significant disease than breast cancer , but it still causes incredible damage , and it receives a tiny fraction of the research support . You can learn all about Ovarian Cancer , it 's symptoms , treatment , etc . on the American Cancer Society website . Though it has a lot of information , if you poke around long enough , you might notice there aren 't as many opportunities to directly volunteer or contribute to Ovarian cancer . You will also read that early detection of this disease is less common , that its symptoms are easily mistaken for other problems until the cancer has traveled through the abdomen , and that papsmeres will not detect it . They most often use ultrasounds and CA - 125 tests to keep an eye out for it in high risk women , but even that has not been proven with research yet . Researchers continue to look for options for early diagnosis , but they haven 't gotten there yet . So what is there for you to do ? First , know your own family history and be ready to keep an eye out . This one is a sneaky one , but be sure to talk to your lady doctor about it , so you can be aware of your choices . Aunt Ann 's daughter Shelly is going to get ultrasounds regularly to be on the lookout . Think about donating to research or volunteering for Ovarian Cancer . This is freaking hard to do , but the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition is a great place to start if you are looking to run a race for Ovarian Cancer or to do some other fundraising for this cause . They have started the " Run to Break the Silence on Ovarian Cancer " which is still growing , but may be in a city near you . You may also be able to find a chapter to volunteer ! Building awareness can also be done - this group in Massachusetts has fundraisers and awareness events planned . If this is really close to your heart , maybe you could write them to start a branch in your own area ? Because it is so rare , people may not pay much attention to this cancer , but with some solidarity and awareness , there might be a decrease in such late diagnosis . I think groups are getting more pro - active about how the information can be shared and activated by the public after the ALS challenge ( to mention another disease that is nasty and cruel , but often receives little attention ) . At Whyteal . org , you can get infographics to share on your wall or even try to start off your own viral activism . 30 Days of Teal - Ack ! Alright , clearly I am about 24 days late to this party , but the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance is really onto something here . If you want to get involved , they have a lot of options and ideas every day . So this week on the blog is devoted to Ovarian Cancer and the amazing women putting up a battle against ( especially Sargent Ann ! ) it . I think this is an area where we could do better , and even if you don 't know someone personally who has struggled with this cancer , everyone knows how important early detection is for the cancer battle , and it just isn 't available here yet . I am going to keep thinking about how to help in this fight , and I will let you know what I come up with . Eeep ! I have been a bit of a blogging slouch lately . I am trying to build up my genoming time / efficiency for work . When I started , I could do about 30 works in a day . Yesterday , I did 130 in a day , so I am getting there . The goal is to be up to 200 before the baby comes , so I can still be a somewhat useful employee while working from home and learning to be a parent . I know its ambitious / wishful thinking / ridiculous , but I can believe whatever I want right now , so there . Here are some things for Monday and Tuesday that were awesome : 1 . The Members Show at COCA - I didn 't know what to expect from this , because I have never heard of a members show for a gallery like this , and as you might imagine , the work displays a pretty wide range of interests and expertise , but some of it is really really great . I am sad we missed the opening last week due to our various other dramas , but I am excited to be part of such an interesting organization with a super rich history . 2 . Discussion of banning selfies in art museums - Loyal readers now that I generally support taking self - portraits , but they have caused some major problems and damage in art museums . More and more museums are beginning to discuss how to selfie - ban , and I have to say , there is some wisdom to this . I also wonder if establishing this rule could help museum visitors think about what it is they are looking at in a museum - how is an art object different from a celebrity ? Or is it not ? I look forward to reading more about this debate . 3 . Raw broccoli - My current favorite thing . Well , maybe second to raw garlic , which I continue to nibble on while sous cheffing until I give myself heartburn ( I am comforted that Melissa also does this , and it supposedly is a thing for people who have teeth pain ) . Broccoli is certainly less offensive and it just tastes so fresh , so I am currently obsessed . 4 . Re - conceiving war : Stopping a cycle of violence depends on how we prioritize it - by Lauren Wolfe . A short , intelligent , and very difficult read on rape as a regular part of war violence . This article breaks my heart , but I needed to read it to remember just how prevalent ( and personal ) this problem is and has been historically . 5 . Michael Kagan - This might be the most dude - ish artist I have ever pimped on this blog , but I like that he makes giant paintings of astronauts actually look really pretty . Like if a post - impressionist painted space . Anyway , he was probably my favorite artist from work yesterday . No Wayne White , but it will take a long time to top him . 6 . The rain - Fall is here in Seattle , and I am not sad about it . This is my favorite season , and I am ready for layers and not having to feel bad not really enjoying being outside . The jury is out on how much the leaves change here , but I will let you know as I can tell . 1 . Gabrielle Union on the Latest Hacking Horribleness - I cannot imagine going through what all these women keep facing , and I feel disgusted there is such a market for it ( if you believe in privacy , don 't look . that simple ) , but I thought Gabrielle Union addressed it brilliantly : " [ I ] t has come to our attention that our private moments , that were shared and deleted solely between my husband and myself , have been leaked by some vultures . " " I can 't help but to be reminded that since the dawn of time Don 't let this become normalized . It continues to be outrageous and cruel . I am glad she addressed it in this way , and I hope other female celebrities feel empowered to stand up for their own dignity . 2 . Emma Watson 's speech at the UN ( and how much press it got even in the first 12 hours ) - Watching her address the crowd , it is clear she is pretty nervous ( and rightfully so ) but what she says is so powerful . She said , " Men - I would like to take this opportunity to extend your formal invitation . Gender equality is your issue , too . " Truth ! Let 's hear more : Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive . Both men and women should feel free to be strong . … It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum , not as two opposing sets of ideals . If we stop defining each other by what we are not and start defining ourselves by what we are - we can all be freer . And this is what HeForShe is about . It 's about freedom . " Is Watson the first person to be making these points ? No , but this is awesome to have said on a global platform where so many are paying attention . I am excited that this can become common knowledge , that these tired and sometimes ugly gender roles hurt everyone , and it doesn 't matter whether you are a man or a woman , you should be supporting feminism ( also , to push back against the creepers on the internet ) . 3 . The awesome girls who handed off their homecoming queen crown - Have you read this story yet ? A bunch of nasty senior girls convinced a less popular girl that she was on homecoming court when she wasn 't . In response to this really awful incident , two of the girls who did make the court made a pact to give this girl their crown if they won , and one of them did . They did the whole thing in front of everyone , which I would have hated , but the whole thing is quite sweet . Share 1 . Shutterfly matte - finish books - We got our Year 11 book this week , and I splurged on a matte cover for it . They are so pretty . I love the way it looks . 2 . The White House PSA against Sexual Assault - I am just so glad that this issue is getting so much cultural traction right now , and I hope the efforts continue until it doesn 't have to be such a big thing ( in case this is not clear to you , now is not that time . If you haven 't noticed , it is a hard and dangerous time to be a woman , especially a woman of color , in this country ) . If you are looking for a way to help , one simple step is to tell those pesky alumni associations for basically whatever university you went to that you won 't give them money until you see some demonstrable efforts to rectify the situation ( " But , but , Penn State has the largest Alumni Association in the world ! " ) . Write a letter and get creative ! 3 . Surviving the trauma of " They Came Together " - Wow , that movie was stupid . I picked it because we should have loved it - Paul Rudd and Amy Poehler ! A Comedy making fun of romantic comedies ! But their send up felt tired , as if they haven 't seen any romantic comedies since Nora Ephron . Maybe it just feels like the whole genre is so tired that some of the tropes they took aim at ( montages ! Trying on clothes ! Love proclamations ) have all been done before , and without creepy moments about having sex with your grandma . I do have to say , I give them credit for committing , and I still laughed . But not enough . Not enough . 4 . Seattle 's Walk to End Alzheimer 's - We walked for our third time , but this was the first time we did it in Seattle ! It was a little bit smaller , and they seemed unprepared for the size of the crowd ( they kept running out of things ) , but we still enjoyed it ! The best part is that their finish line is across this cute little bridge in South Lake Union Park , which is pretty cool ! ) 5 . Miller 's Guild Bread - We had Miller 's Guild brisket ( ok , the Boy did ) at Taste of Seattle , and he loved it , so we decided to try it this weekend as our being adventurous ( trying to get back to that ! ) . We were expecting a kind of barbeque place , but it was inside a W hotel , so it was exceptionally fussy and super butch manly . Like Dude Fancy . Based on that theme , the food was mostly meat , but they had two fish options . Everything was good , but Toulous Petit stands as our favorite expensive Seattle restaurant , and we are still looking for good cheap / middle of the road options . My favorite part was the bread which they serve in a big skillet thing , which is pretty cool . 6 . The Third Series of Sherlock Holme 's - It basically feels like the makers of the show watched Psych over the hiatus . Two episodes in , everyone seems to be having way more fun , and if you are going to be a little bit sexist , better to have a certain air of irony around you . It also seemed much more meta , like it has internalized and responded to its fandom . I like Mary a lot , and I thought the wedding episode was the most fun one ever . So I am not hating watching it , like I suspected I would because I hated most of Series 2 . I feel too like if you can 't continue the incredible freshness of the first season , you are better off messing with the tone than trying to constantly up the stakes . It leaves you with no where to go . Anyway , the Boy won this weekend for picking our late night viewing . Share How Far Along : 31 weeks ! Bumbo Baby is now the size of a pineapple , and he has taken over everything . He is basically controlling me from the inside like a puppet master . The parasite is getting too powerful ! Perhaps I exaggerate , but seriously , he lets me know when he is pleased or displeased . Also , I feel like I have exploded to epic sizes now , because the Boss wants more room . Best Moment of the Week : Doing the Walk to End Alzheimer 's ! We got up on Saturday and did the walk for the first time in Seattle . It went really well , though we didn 't finish with the speed walkers , because I had to stop to pee multiple times . I brought the team down that way . On the other hand , the route was and mile and change up and a mile and change back , and we saw lots of people on the " have to stop to pee " end of the crowd just give up and turn to go the other direction as they saw the crowd moving that way . I finished that whole thing ! It was a fun thing to do , and I am glad I can still get my 10 , 000 steps a day , even if my " pelvic floor " ( yes , this is a thing . And it needs to toughen up ) is not crazy about it . Also , last night , there was a giant spider in our house . I kid you not , it was the biggest one I have ever seen in the place ( and we probably kill a spider a day in or around the house ) . I got my 7 month pregnant ass up on a chair and squished it . It 's nice to be able to still do things for myself , and The Boy was super impressed . Charity Walks . Spider Murder : It 's the Little Things . Most Interesting Prego Quirk : If you go to the emergency room , they will absolutely lose their shit for you . You will be triaging before you finish signing your paperwork . Even when it is clearly not a big deal , and you can see the baby ( literally at this point , they may have been concerned a small creature was going to bust out of my abdomen Alien - style ) , they give you oodles of attention . I can see why , but on the other hand , everything was fine , and we basically knew that when we got in there . A certain amount of pregnancy discourse seems to be about warnings , fear , and the awareness that things can go really really wrong . We took our first baby class yesterday , and it traumatized us . Do you know that baby 's can choke on everything ? And you should never feed someone under 4 a hot dog because they will choke ? And you should heat up and dice their apples ? Did you know that even if you do everything right they might die in their sleep anyway ? I get that they have to tell you things so you can make good choices , but Baby CPR class really did crush my soul . Luckily , The Boy has better perspective than I did coming out of it , and we could bring it off the edge to a more sane place . Still , what I learned this week is that when you are dealing with a person this small and delicate , some medical professionals consider it their duty to freak out as much as possible . One Warned me About : Everyone loves talking about Braxton Hicks and contractions at this point , but no one really mentions that you have them way before you feel like anything is going on . I didn 't think I was having contractions yet , but apparently I am having them like 12 minutes apart all the time , it 's just that they are so wimpy I don 't even feel them ! So no worries , future pregos , you won 't necessarily be Braxton Hicksing for weeks . And The Boy ? : As I said , he was not as traumatized by the Baby CPR class as I was . He prioritized being the best in the class , so he really rocked the CPR . Loudest one when fake calling 911 , etc . He named his practice baby Dumbledore and I named my fake baby Fred . It was only later that we realized we both chose characters who died . Still , I think he is plotting his baby - proofing now . to : A less eventful week , going shopping this afternoon for the picture frames for Bumbo 's room , and putting up fall decorations ! Also , as people start buying tickets for visits and I look at the calender , I am getting excited that he isn 't too far away ! Share Barbara Alfeo Gateway environmentalist . Trying to be a maker , not just a passive consumer . Will settle for active and informed consumer . Lots of ideas for shopping , traveling , volunteering , and parenting while staying inspired !
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I 'm open to a wide range of genres . Obscenely wide . It 's harder for me to list all I do like than all I don 't like . My absolute favorite is mixed and multiverse , but I 'm not limited to those . The name was not the original name of the dynasty , but it was changed at some point in their history and no one bothered or dared to research the original one . From the warring tribes that inhabited these lands , the Emberhearts managed to establish themselves as the strongest , not so much through having the best warriors , but rather by pulling out continuously brilliant tactics . It wasn 't long , until they managed to unite the entire land , making one kingdom with sovereign houses . Their rule was neither always the best nor perilless , but through political schemes , assassinations and many open rebellions , somehow , as if through some magic , they always seemed to remain in power , sometimes only by the skin of their teeth , but nevertheless - rulers . To be entirely honest , several factors aided them : the Chernevs , even though they received offers to join them and betray the Kingdom by a number of houses , declined them all , as they utterly despised such behaviour and refused to trust such people , even only for the purposes of the war . They were also bound to their own traditions and refused to even slightly change their ways in response to their enemies ' specifics - for instance they would never wait to starve a castle out , as they considered it utterly disgraceful and pathetic thing for a warrior to do - no ruler would do that and keep the respect of their warriors . Instead , they would charge into the fray , crushing the gates with charge of their enrages steppe beasts and specifically designed heated iron bars . Those charges would cost them in the hundreds more than other tactics would have , but even clearly understanding that , they simply refused to even consider changing they ways - something the Emberhearts fully exploited . The first Emberheart lady to pass into the Chernev house was Lady Meridith Emberheart and , even though , according to the Chernevs ' traditions , women had the same rights as men , only different duties , everyone , including her own father , expected her to be a mere political prisoner . How wrong everyone was ! She not only mastered the intricate language that the Chernevs were using , which had two distinct forms , depending on the position of the person you were addressing , but also wrote the first seven tomes , ever written in the common tongue , about the Chernevi culture , beleifs and traditions . All of this , however , pales in comparison to her love with Garvan Chernev - the warchief who had lain waste to half of the land - the man who had walked in river of blood and piled mountains of skulls would be impressed by her presence of spirit and would , eventually , listen to her words , seeing wisdom . From this forced relationship , where both parties at first had to only stand up against one another , was born the most beautiful and famous epic of songs , dances , tales and poetry , that is known to every child in the kingdom today . Many attribute to this love the fact , that none of the sides ever made a move towards reigniting the conflict , despite the occasional instigators . Short bio : His people were horse lords and raiders before becoming rules and , eventually , noblemen . Alexei belongs to a family line which could rival that of the King in terms of raw power and numbers . Three generations ago , the Chernevs invaded the Kingdom , causing unheard destruction , but nevertheless being halted by the King 's power . Facing a stalemate , the King choose to offer them an exemplary status and vast lands , for actually allying their forces with his , to enforce the kingdom . The raiders , reluctantly , accepted , having the King 's own daughter marry their leader . I 'm open to a wide range of genres . Obscenely wide . It 's harder for me to list all I do like than all I don 't like . My absolute favorite is mixed and multiverse , but I 'm not limited to those . The winter left Silyn 's body unable to tolerate heat . It had been so bitter cold , and now the warmth seemed so sudden . She could barely venture outside . Everything outside the window of the carriage was dazzlingly bright - - especially the stream that ran alongside the road as it giggled and jumped about . She was no great noble , merely the wife to a baron . She and her husband had lands , but were mostly farm and forest , with only one settlement large enough to call a city . There were a dozen hamlets , each of which she new by name and sight . Right now , she approached the smallest of the hamlets to address its recent thefts personally . The thefts were primarily food , and occasionally tools . The blacksmith was hardest hit , deprived of nearly all of his tools , and the thief even stole his anvil . The man was said to have gone into a heavy depression that wife , drink , and apprentice couldn 't shake him from - - and she could hardly hold such a depression against a man who had his livelihood stolen during the night . The maid was beautifully quiet for a few too - short moments before she lowered her head and spoke . " I still think you do that far too much , my lady . A proper woman should only think so far as to manage her husband 's house - " " The baron 's lands are part of his house , I should imagine . I am not overstepping my duties . " She closed her eyes . " Wake me when we arrive . This heat is difficult . " Silyn slowly shifted , until she laid on her seat , legs curled up between her and the side of the carriage . She was thankful for her height , and how it allowed her to nap like this . She could already feel herself falling asleep , despite the jostling of the carriage , and how it seemed to try to toss her from the seat . When she woke , it was to an unfamiliar voice . " I need the baroness ! " The young voice cracked mid - word . " Someone 's hurt ! " A boy , on the cusp of manhood , stared at her . " He 's . . . he 's this way , m ' lady ! " He turned , then began to run . The house in question had no door , merely a heavy cloth drape to separate inside from outside , and there were no windows . The ceiling was low , and it was tiny , but it smelled clean - - despite the stink of blood and medicine . Silyn blinked at the doorway as she struggled , forcing her eyes to adjust as she caught her breath . Alexei was drifting , as if looking at himself from a third person point of view . He was fully concious about the wounds and bruises all over his body , but some long - forgotten instinct had mercifully rendered his senses mute , allowing for him to not lose his consciousness . . . most of the time at least . His vision was engulfed by a bloody haze and his right eye was swollen so badly he could barely see with it . He could hear his own breath and , despite the necessary effort , tried to breathe in a large gusts of air and breathe it out slowly , in accordance with his people 's healing tradition , to allow his body to work at full power , if that was even possible . He knew that there was little chance for him to survive , had the weapons be poisoned , but he would not allow himself to think this way . He hadn 't survived an ambush like that just to die from poisonous wounds in a hut in some unknown village , that wasn 't a proper end for him . Besides , the ambush seemed to have been planned so carefully , that the bastards hadn 't even accounted for the possibility of him getting away . He didn 't think he would be getting away . Alexei had vague recollections of seeing an opening and running through the woods - he knew his men , even if not mortally wounded would die to defend him and would never run , so despite his wounds , he kept pushing through the uncanny vegetation . It was a long process and seemed to take ages , as he would periodically lose consciousness and snap out of it , drenched in his own blood and sweat and unsure of how much time had passed , only to break into a dead run , hoping his pursuers had not cough up to him too much . It had taken a great effort of will to keep going when every fibre of his existence cried for a little bit of rest and even greater effort to keep his clothing on , as he knew the furs would soak some of the bleeding and would eventually help the blood sear faster . When he saw the village , he knew he 'd have to gamble if he had any chance to save himself - the vilalgers would either kill him or help him . Apparently it was the latter , for which he had to thank the gods , as he rested in one of the huts . Someone had mended his wounds a little bit , but apparently peer pressure had forced them to leave . . . or his unknown benefactors just didn 't want to be associated with him . He once again cursed his weakness for having fallen unconscious as soon as he had gotten close to the first houses , so he had no idea who had taken him in . Whichever the case , Alexei was afraid of only one thing - nightfall . He was certain that trained assassins , as the attackers were undoubtedly such lot , wouldn 't risk getting into the village during the day , since the space was too small and everyone probably knew each other . However they would surely come to finish the job at night - especially if there were no people in the house . As he was thinking of resting until dusk and was trying to recall a map of the lands around , he heard the sound of voices and footsteps coming towards the entrance of the house . Some people entered and they all talked in the common tongue . Only the gods themselves could tell why , but no other though had crossed his troubled mind , but the threat of hostility . He was certain whoever had come would bring nothing good . His eyes ran through the room , searchingly , looking for something he would use to defend himself with , should the need arise , but only the poor household items fall under his gaze . As the people began to enter the room , he forced himself to stand up , slowly , of course , as he had to swallow the pain that caused tears into his healthy eye . Clenching his fists , Alexei stood ready - no Chernev had ever died in a bed , stabbed to death by his enemies and he wouldn 't be the first ! He cheated death once and would do it again if he had to - against peasants or assassins alike . . . and if not , he would sell his life for as high price as he could command . " Nenkh H ' kghar heskar ? " - he spoke , his voice , although unusually low , still sounding remotely frightening and with only a hint of bass as he asked " Who goes there ? " , # 4 I 'm open to a wide range of genres . Obscenely wide . It 's harder for me to list all I do like than all I don 't like . My absolute favorite is mixed and multiverse , but I 'm not limited to those . The man was massive , bloody , and had burrs stuck to him every place that hadn 't been washed or bandaged yet . She inhaled sharply as he stood - - he looked massively imposing , but his pale face and darting eyes spoke volumes of his need for even her limited arts . His words didn 't register in her mind as she walked toward him , eyes on the bloodiest bandages , and reached a white - gloved hand forward . Silyn paused , remembering where she had seen his face before . He was a Chernov - - the son of their current lord . He 'd spoken to her - - said words that she barely knew . She responded with slow , careful words . She didn 't trust her grasp of the Chernov 's tongue well enough . " Baroness Silyn Treebreaker . We met briefly five years ago , when the King hosted a celebration for his son 's marriage . " Was that too much , too quickly ? Too late now . " Please sit . " She moved her hand forward , but shifted it away from his injury , to help him sit . " I have some magical arts for healing injury , and I also know how to heal with herb and needle . May I tend your wounds , Lord Chernov ? " Her eyes already traveled over his body , taking inventory of his wounds . There seemed to be no broken bones at first glance - - a blessing if she had ever seen one - - but some of the cuts were deep , and a few broken arrows laid beside the bed . She had no doubt the man was bleeding both inside and out , and healing him would prove near impossile if he didn 't consent to her magic healing him . Treebreaker . . . Treebreaker . . . - his mind feverishly raced to remember where he had heard the name before , but to no avail . The names of the noble houses were too many and the guests at the King 's feasts - even more . Not that he had ever made even the faintest attempt of learning , let alone , memorising the names or the faces of any of those lords and ladies . But the person standing in front of him was , no doubt , highborne - there was no mistaking it . Just seeing her healthy skin colour , or barely visible cheekbones amidst the sickly , underfed peasants was enough to tip him off . And then there were her words - ordering that other girl , as if she was used to giving commands and having people obey . Yes , she was a noblewoman and yes , he did go to hunt near the lands of the Treebreaker family , so there was logic in this village being visited by one of them , but what could he make of it ? There was no way of telling the woman 's intentions , as well as the intentions of those she was with . Sure , she seemed friendly , but he had little doubt those who had gone through so much trouble to kill him could muster an actor competent enough to fol la bunch of peasants . When she gestured towards him , he had let her help him sit - both because standing up consumed too much of his already heavily depleted strength and also as a test . If this was an impostor sent here to end him , she wouldn 't miss the chance to put the final dagger or poisoned shiv through his neck or spine for the world . He was very careful with the position of her hands , ready to move and break her neck in a second , had his fears turned out true . . . but not - she merely helped him sit and went on to explain herself . Could he trust her enough to let her heal him ? Of course not - that could still be a trick , or the could kill him with his magic instead or . . . Alexei stopped his train of deranged thoughts - that was too much . He had no experience whatsoever with assassinations and as such as attributing too much to their abilities - they were men like him and they also had their limits . Besides , why would they impose as a noblewoman just to murder him with magic or poison , when they could just end him right there . And if it was the a noble house having ordered the ambush , of which he had no doubt , it wasn 't the Treebreakers - no one would be that much of an idiot to have one of the heads of their house at the scene of the murder . No , he was positively dealing with another miracle bestowed upon him by the Gods . Seeing as her gaze didn 't drop from him and noting , even in his state , that she was speaking quite slowly than normally accepted , he realised he had to say something otherwise she 'd just think him unable to speak common . " Thank you . " he spoke grimly and then he looked to the peasants behind her and realised something that frightened him " Where are your knights ? " he asked , cold steel in his voice - if this woman was truly a nobility , would she walk around without guards ? His suspicion only grew at her mention of magical powers - his people looked down on magic and he knew nothing about it , so he couldn 't control her actions over him - she would have full control . His body stiffened , as his suspicion make the fighting impulse in him trigger again . I 'm open to a wide range of genres . Obscenely wide . It 's harder for me to list all I do like than all I don 't like . My absolute favorite is mixed and multiverse , but I 'm not limited to those . She listened carefully as he spoke , then answered him slowly , but easily . " My husband is only a baron . Our lands are small , so we do not have an abundance of wealth . Our knights are with my husband . " She looked away at mention of the man who had yet to consummate with her , yet to show her affection at all . She was still for a breath before she began to remove his bandages . She looked toward a nearby villager . " Please fetch and boil some water in a clean pot . " " I 'm going to close the deepest of your wounds with magic . It will feel strange , but won 't hurt you . " She closed her eyes and rested a hand on his chest , over his heart . She waited a few moments to see if he would push her hand away . Magics - the blackest of deeds . The very uttering of the word , in such a casual register almost made him shiver , as if it was something usual to do ! The Chernevs shunned magic , as their shamans had always been warning them , that it 's an unnatural way , causing disruptions in the harmonious flow of things , as planned by the gods . Their words seemed to also have their historical confirmations , as the ancestors of today 's shamans would amaze the Emberheart royal sorcerers by communicating to the spirits and rendering their arts and powers useless , allowing the Chernevs to take a decisive advantage over the largely magic - dependent army of the kingdom . Of course , he had known , all too well , that sorcery is not forbidden and still widely used around the kingdom and he had also met skilled practitioners of different magical arts , at his travels , however they were always careful , both in their language and actions , partially dictated by the way his raiders would look at them . But now his raiders were dead and the was well on his way to join them , judging by how the things were developing . . . This woman . . . this baroness simply stretched her hand and straightforward told him she would used her magic on him ! He was so taken aback , that initially didn 't say anything , grabbing Silyn 's hand , perhaps with too strong a grip , only a moment before it reached for his heart . And yet . . . if magic was so wrong , why did the crown still rest on an Emberheart 's shoulders ? And hadn 't the greatest and most well - known heroes of ancient times also used magics ? Klek the Sly , who would enchant his arrows to never miss their target was the greatest hunter of the land and Barelek the Fearless , who had first tamed the mighty steppe beasts was said to have used magic to accomplish this feat . The shamans gave those as examples of how those people invaded the natural order for their own selfish gain , but would his people be what they were without them ? What if magic was a tool permitted only to those destined to shape the very nature of the world ? The gods have already favoured him twice today , what if this was a sign , just another tool they were allowing him to benefit from . Certainly he , Alexei Chernev , would not misuse magic for his own gain over others . Or was he just making excuses for himself ? It only took him a moment to weight the possibilities . He needed a moment more to make a decision - he had to survive . He had to avenge those who had raised their hands against him and his men . Against the kingdom . And seeing as the baroness was defenceless , he would have to run as soon as possible , so as to avoid getting her killed along with him , for he knew all too well how manhunters worked . There was no way he could do that with conventional healing . For once , he would use magic . He would break the " tengri " - the natural flow of life and force the hand of fate . If the gods asked a reckoning for his actions , he would pay whatever price was necessary . " I changed my mind . Do your healing magic . I , Alexei Chernev , permit it . " - he said , finally releasing her hand - " Just be quick about it . " I 'm open to a wide range of genres . Obscenely wide . It 's harder for me to list all I do like than all I don 't like . My absolute favorite is mixed and multiverse , but I 'm not limited to those . The woman winced visibly as his strong fingers tightened around her soft skin . Skin that had always bruised easily . " Ow . . . " She tried to pull away from his grip , ready to agree not to use it on him , when he changed his mind . " Yes , Lord Chernev . " She murmured in a quiet voice , shoulders hunched - - like prey hiding her neck from a wolf as the two looked at each other . She stammered a spell , then shook her head and cut it off before it could release . Silyn took a deep breath , forced her shoulders down , and sat up straight . Her eyes watched him uneasily , but didn 't meet his gaze . She let her hand rest where he placed it , and she began the incantation . It would have been better to touch each wound she was healing itself , but . . . Her weight rested against his chest as she fought to keep her feet . " Your life is in significantly less danger , Lord Chernov . " She reported as she glanced toward the door , checking to see if the maid was back with her medical kit , or the boy with the water . Alexei wanted to close his eyes , when the magic began to take effect , however he did not - a true Chernev would stare the consequence of his decisions straight in the eye ! He gazed at her as she began her incantation and never lowered his eyes , as the spell began to take effect . He could feel a significant improvement - the pains on several spots of his body had grown almost latent and Chernev already felt much better by the time she let her hand go and took two steps back . He finally closed his eyes and took a deep breath , before opening them again - what was done was done . Now that the blood haze had lifted and his body wasn 't numb with pain , he could now look around and assess the situation more clearly . He was definitely better , well enough to ride . Most likely the other wounds were still troublesome , but not something he couldn 't survive , especially so if they were properly bandaged . His chances of survival suddenly look better and for the first time the thoughts of his own life had switched to thoughts of the lives of those around him . He remembered grabbing the woman 's hand as hard as he could and felt shame upon seeing the reddish spots where he had held her . It was disgraceful to harm someone who was trying to help you and even worse , he had done so as a means of transferring his own problems and frustration to someone else - something a lord was never supposed to do . His gaze also engulfed the peasants and servants behind her - all of them looking at him with distrust and slight fear - all of them pathetic . Only pitiful worms would allow a stranger to hurt their lord in front of them . Had this happened to his sister or mother , their riders would attempt to mount that stranger 's head on a spike ! That woman seemed to have more courage than any of them . " My apologies for hurting you . " he said " Please instruct you men to bandage my wounds - you look too pale and must rest . After I they 're done I will need a horse and a supply of dried meet . Then I will be off - me being here poses too much of a danger for y # 10 I 'm open to a wide range of genres . Obscenely wide . It 's harder for me to list all I do like than all I don 't like . My absolute favorite is mixed and multiverse , but I 'm not limited to those . The woman tugged at her sleeve , as though to hide the growing bruise on her wrist , then shook her head . " My name is Silyn Treebreaker , and I will be fine , though if it would reassure you , my maid can help . I am best trained in this . " She leaned over her chest and opened it , then pulled out a curved needle and some tough - looking stiff thread . She pushed it with shaking hands through the eye of the needle . " I 'm going to clean and stitch what I couldn 't heal . It will help your wounds heal faster . After that , bandages , and I will take you to my carriage . I couldn 't let you , injured on my husband 's lands , go off on your own before you have recovered . " She spoke as slowly as before , because it was a lot of information , and many injured people were slower of mind . " I am going to insist . " The maid reached into the trunk and oulled out a brown glass bottle with a wooden stopper . Through the stopper was a long pin with a ring to assist in unstoppering it . " I 'm ready , my lady . " He snorted - this type of resistance was not what he had planned . . . Regardless , it was perhaps better if he would get his wounds patched up , before he had to run through the woods . . . if there would be time for this . " Lady Treebreaker , your efforts are truly commendable , though they would be in vain , should both of us end dead here . " he sighed - how could he explain this woman what was happening " This is a man hunt . By skilled assassins . Men who were able to overpower Chernev riders . MY riders . " he emphasized the last word as well as intonation allowed him . " When nightfall comes , this village and all its inhabitant and all the lands around it will burn , if there is even a lither of doubt that I am here . I know it , because . . . " he paused . What could he tell her ? Because that 's what he would do ? Because that 's what he had done ? No , those weren 't things for the wives of small nobility to hear - people who spend their lives around kitchen tables , granaries and men 's beds were easily appalled by such things . " Forgive me , but riding in your carriage is the same as signing my death sentence . I wouldn 't recommend it to you either . I feel two wounds most painful - one on the back , down from my neck and another on my leg . Patch these up and I must go . And so should you - run to your castle and surround yourself with your knights . That would be the safest for us all . " he looked at the people saying the latter . She obviously cared about her people otherwise she wouldn 't be in here in the fist place . I 'm open to a wide range of genres . Obscenely wide . It 's harder for me to list all I do like than all I don 't like . My absolute favorite is mixed and multiverse , but I 'm not limited to those . The baroness , regardless of any objections , stitched every deep wound she saw closed , using a stitch more suited to making a mattress than an article of clothing . it left his skin bunched into a thick line on each of his deepest injuries . " These stitches will keep your skin flexible and prevent scarring . " She spoke as she stitched . " A few days of rest , and you can begin working your body to recover strength , and make sure you are flexible again without risking the stitches pulling or snapping . " Iwaku is a roleplay community . We don 't just write stories - we live them ! Roleplaying is stepping in to the life of a character and experiencing what they experience . Here on Iwaku , we 're all about giving you the freedom to write anything you want while providing a safe and friendly community to do it in . Our site contains forum roleplay , chat roleplay , group roleplay , private roleplay , as well as other methods for living your stories . We are a community ran by REAL PEOPLE ! We are not a corporation or a company . Our server , domain , and software licenses are privately owned and paid for 100 % out of our own pockets . To help pay for these monthly costs , we are more than happy to take donations from members in exchange for super spiffy extra tools and features on the boards . For more information you can view our Donating FAQs .
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The rules for Buddhist monks and nuns , at least in much of what I 've heard , forbid them from handling money . They were not allowed to even touch it , let alone use it , and thus spent much of their time begging for their bread . Later , once Buddhist clergy began to own property , monasteries had laypeople to handle money for them or the rules were relaxed . It was the fact that the great monasteries of Sri Lanka were feudal landholders in their own right which allowed them to survive for so long , through any number of dynastic upheavals , barbarian invasions , and religious schisms . Of course , they also contributed to more than a few of these themselves , different sects supporting different kings when it came time for succession , whomever they thought might benefit them most . Tangible wealth is definitely a two - edged sword . My sword caught up with me today , in the form of a hand - delivered summons from the county court on behalf of one of my two defaulted credit cards . I honestly hoped they would dither for another year or two , by which time I might be in a position to settle with them . As I continued with my day , the story wound itself out in my head . Why I had the credit cards , how I managed to wrack them up , how I couldn 't pay them , what I might say to the attorney when I call on Monday , as per the summons . As if I didn 't know all of that already ? I was telling the story in order to reassure myself , as you might tell a kid a fairy tale to distract her from the scary thunderstorm right outside the window . Have you ever met that person ? The one who , no matter what happens , it 's not their fault ? They can come up with a story , right on the fly , from the moment they run into your back bumper , about how it 's not their fault . Half the time , we are that person . Maybe we tell the story about how it 's not our fault , or how we 're not afraid , or how we 're so smart , so cool , so strong . We 're the hero of our own epic poem . Of course , sometimes we also tell the dark stories . We tell stories about how our life sucks and it 's not fair how people don 't feel sorry for us . We tell ourselves we 're stupid or worthless or fat , dark and twisted thoughts fit to do Poe proud . But they 're all just stories . Good or bad , they 're all just words we make up in our heads . When we were little we used to chant " Sticks and stones . . . " But words can hurt us , our own words more than anyone else 's , especially the ones we never voice . They cloud our perceptions , prevent us from seeing the world as it is , build up our ego and let it run free . So today when I was starting my story , letting myself get all worked up , fearful and threatened , I felt myself falling into that habitual pattern and I cut it off . I cut it out . Of course , then I just started telling myself some other story , but I managed to disconnect that one as well . Instead I thought about how monks weren 't allowed to handle money , and if anything about that teaching could be useful to me now , even though I can 't live by that stricture ( or , more accurately , choose not to ) . I feel better than I would have under other circumstances . A couple of years ago a summons like that would have sent me into a tailspin for the rest of the day , or days . Today , I thanked the nice man with the five - pointed star on his belt who delivered it , read it top to bottom , and set it front and center on my desk so I 'll remember to make that call come Monday . I don 't need the story . And I don 't need the other stories to distract me . ( Really , I don 't ! Go away ! ) There was a blog post the other day over on GOOD about how bad moods make us better writers . Even as a teenager I noticed how I write best when I 'm feeling down , not clinical depression mind you , just rather cynical and pessimistic about the entire proposition . Well , Professor Joe Forgas as the University of New South Wales Psychology Department , actually has the empirical studies to back it up . " In all cases , the sad folks produced arguments that were more concrete and therefore more persuasive than the happy campers . " Apparently these moods help us pay attention and think critically . " The most likely explanation is based on evolutionary theorising - affective states serve an adaptive purpose , subconsciously alerting us to apply the most useful information processing strategy to the task at hand . A negative mood is like an alarm signal , indicating that the situation is problematic , and requires more attentive , careful and vigilant processing - hence the greater attention to concrete information . " Within the Buddhist cosmologies ( this relates , I promise ) many realms are depicted - hell realms , hungry ghost realms , animal realms , the human realms , and various heaven realms and god realms . It is said that enlightenment can only be obtained in the human realm because in the realm below were are too caught up in suffering and survival to be able to perform any higher reasoning and in the higher realms we are too happy to care . Although the happiness in the higher realms in transitory , fleeting , and still lined with suffering , those dwelling there just can 't dredge up motivation to seek true freedom from suffering . I 've often wondered if this is what prevents me from deepening my practice . I don 't sit because life just ain 't crappy enough . Well , I could try to add some angst to my otherwise fairly peachy life , but Forgas warns " Direct conscious attempts to change / control moods usually do not work well - otherwise we would presumably be happy all the time , which is clearly not the case … The effects we found occur without people being aware of them , and as you note , instructions to control these effects are not very effective . " Luckily , I don 't tend to agree . I find that conscious attempts to control strong emotions do work , but only with repeated practice , which is what sitting is all about after all , getting to know your mind and its emotional states . Of course , I probably haven 't done enough sitting to consciously make myself miserable , and unless things change ( which they inevitably will ) , I probably won 't be motivated into regular sitting anytime soon . How do I value myself ? It 's a conundrum . I 'm always on the lookout for ego , arrogance , self - centered thoughts , words , and deeds . I 've spent a long time learning to fake confidence , but I 've never enjoyed it . I want to be honest and forthright about what I can and cannot do . I don 't want to get in over my head . I don 't want to fail . Yet at the same time , I do have a certain level of confidence that is not at all fake . Call it basic goodness , buddha nature , wisdom , or what have you . I 'm smart , and at the risk of being immodest , I know I 'm smart . If I don 't know something or how to do something now , I have confidence in my ability to learn . I understand the type of work I 'm suited for and the type I 'm not . I 'm not afraid to ask for help . What I am afraid of is that others will not perceive me as I wish them to . They will expect too much or too little , leading one or the other of us to disappointment . Therefore , the question has become increasingly critical as to how I value myself and how I present that value , as honestly as possible , to others . It is critical now , because I need those others to give me something - a chance . I am once again a petitioner to power . I never really spent a lot of time contemplating power before these last few months , what it is , who has it , how it 's wielded . It seems to me now that power is the ability of one person to make decisions which affect another . To some degree , we all possess power . However , I am coming to contemplate more and more the meaning of power imbalances . These people to whom I petition have the power to grant my admission , provide financial support , offer me a job , etc . I cannot dictate their decision making processes . I can only hope to anticipate , persuade , or inspire . I feel to large degree that I am coming into this blind . I 've never been good at other people , whether that is remembering their names , showing an interest in their lives , reading between the lines , or understanding their motivations . I 've learned to cultivate extroverat I can 't say I wasn 't dissapointed , although I wasn 't entirely surprised . I don 't think she had anything against me personally , but being from Nebraska is somewhat like being from Mars . Nobody at Cornell had ever met a Martian , therefore they are a complete unknown , their education and recommendations null values in the hypothesis . Kind of like the error you get on a spreadsheet " DIV / 0 ! " Not good , not bad , just meaningless . Perhaps I would , but I like the East Coast better . It has more cool old buildings , convoluted urban structures , more history and better terrain . It has the things I like to study represented in a rich cornucopia of life . I 'm from the MidWest . I 've spent time in the Rockies . Been there , done that . I 'm not interested in the south , be it east , west , or central . California might do , but no further south than San Francisco if you please . " You need to work for at least two years . You really wouldn 't be considered a serious applicant without work experience , " she told me in a clipped Australian accent . She was in a hurry and had me pre - judged before I sat down . I didn 't have a chance to explain the work experience I had achieved while in school . " Well how old are you ? " another wondered . I didn 't equate age with work experience , but maybe they were looking for something more indirrectly , like maturity . " You 're not too young , " she assured me . " Twenty - nine 's not too young . " But she gave me some great books to read , the hurried one , scribbled down in red pencil on a couple of sticky notes I carefully saved in the back of my notebook . I found one text in the library . It 's on the sociology of architecture , not buildings and not architects , but the field of architecture as a whole . And the author has a sense of humor , which I always take as a good sign . Ithaca reminds me of Boulder . I like them both . The college is on a hill overlooking the town , caught between two stone ravines with cascading waterfalls . The trees were brown with November , but I had enough imagination to see the colors of spring , summer , fall , and winter on the rolling landscape . Two boys on the Commons sang made up songs to us as we walked by , one with guitar and one with drums . " There go two happy people . One of them in a blue scarf . Blue is my very most favorite color . For scarfs . And there is a pointing child . He looks sort of puzzled . . . " People in Philadelphia were helpful and friendly . I had been afraid they might not be so . The East Coast has that reputation ( at least in the MidWest where everywhere that is not here has that reputation ) . I could handle people being rude or unhelpful for me , but I so wanted them to be nice to my mother . The lady at the ticket window at University City Station came back down to the platform with us and kindly asked the conductor if he could do her a favor and let us hop back on as we got off to early . I don 't pick up sarcasm well , but he had just been joshing with his coworker and I 'm sure would have let us on reguardless . The trolley and bus drivers were similarly helpful . The owner of the Castle B & B where we stayed was a peach , giving us two rooms at my one room reservation price because she 'd had a cancellation and now had the space . Her cats made us feel right at home . One puked on my rug and the other purred then bit me . Perfect . The students working behind the desk at the University of Pennsylvania library let us stash our luggage there while I went to my meeting , before we got to the B & B . We stopped in a small town called Lisle on the way up . It was an antique store , a furinture store , a used bookstore , dance studio , fire hall , town offices , and a few houses squeezed up along the flat area beside the highway . We chatted with the shop ladies and sat on a bench by the road to eat the turkey sandwiches we had packed . Mom doesn 't take direction as well as Dad , who let me navigate in and around San Diego to my heart 's content , while Mom and Brandon politely declined to back seat drive . Walking and riding transit around Philly was a new adventure . Mom can read maps and is used to giving direction , so she 's a little less trusting in my ability , but we worked it out and after the one false stop on the way in , managed the rest of Philadelphia and the drive up to Ithaca and back without getting lost . In five days together , Mom and I managed not to argue about politics once . Although , we have since made up for it when I went home on Saturday to go with Dad to the long awaited New Moon . We argued about health care and poverty and fearmongering , starting as soon as I came down to make my coffee in the morning . That 's always a lesson in patience and keeping a leash on my tongue and temper . While I never came right out and asked , wherever we visited I wondered what it would be like to practice there . When I spotted Japanese caligraphy of famous monks , Tibetan thangkas of boddhisattvas in faculty offices , an Asian import store on the Commons or a dharma wheel in Chinatown , I was reassured . It made the atmosphere seem friendlier somehow . I very much want to deepen my practice wherever I end up . I want a sangha and a teacher . I want to not feel like I 'm burdening my Christian friends every time I go on a bit too long about Buddhist philosphy . Heck , maybe I 'll even start sitting regularly . You never know . " But I 'm as confused as ever . Is it true that what goes around comes around ? Or is it true that no good deed goes unpunished ? Is there a loophole in the Law of Karma ? " he writes . Karma isn 't there to reward our good deeds , or even punish our bad deeds . Karma is , in fact , completely neutral . Actions causing actions completely devoid of good and bad distinctions . However , the cause and the effect are inextricably linked , one often has the characteristics of the other . Thus suffering begets suffering and happiness begets happiness . Don 't laughing babies make us smile ? . Good and bad are labels we add after the fact . After all , if everything that makes us smile was on the ' good things ' list , heroin would be legal . Doug was pissed off because not only did he get attacked by a dog and yelled off by a lifeguard but , most egregious of all , he wasn 't thanked . In other words , he didn 't get his reward , his gold star . However , he did get a couple of object lessons in how to work with anger and deal with angry people . Was that of no use whatsoever ? I saw a photograph today at the Great Plains Art Museum among a series of black and white " environmental portraits " by John Evasco . In between the stalwart faces of weathered cowboys and country dames , was a young man in a phone booth . There were three booths , old fashioned and made of wood , two tall and thin , one wider with the phone set lower . The photograph neatly framed all three and there , crunched down in the bottom right - hand corner , sitting on the floor , his foot up on the partition , his hat reaching just below the level of the low phone in the third booth , was the young man , speaking into the black handset . The photograph was called " Lazy Conversation . " That word struck me as interesting - lazy . Why did the photographer the young man was lazy ? Simply because he was sitting down , all scrunched up in the phone booth ? Maybe he was tired ? Maybe he isn 't lazy , but had worked so hard and so long , he would take any rest he could find . Maybe he had partied too hard . And when are where was the photograph taken ? Where can you find old fashioned phone booths like that anymore ? Especially handicapped accessible ones ? The booths looked to be built long before the advent of ADA laws . And where was the young man 's cell phone ? They all have cell phones . " It is surprising , however , what a crucial role ambiguity does play in art . This seems largely an issue of appeal : if art is not open enough to appeal to a wide variety of people over a broad span of time , it will be insular and occasional , too tied up in a particular time and place . . . . It is not just openness , however , that lends the ambiguity of art such power : it is also its inability to be analyzed . Something that we are confident we comprehend is of no interest , " a blog post by Amy Cannon at Evangelical Outpost states , summarizing the thoughts of Terry Teachout over at the Wall Street Journal summing up a recent study by a couple of London blokes , among others . ( And isn 't that a strange string , even without by friend Jake who shared the post via Google Reader . ) It reminds me of The Great Stupa of Dharmakaya , Which Liberates Upon Seeing . It is said to do so because upon first site the stupa fails to fall within any of our preconceived mental categories . It shakes up our world a bit and makes up question the neat order of our mind . Maybe all great art is like that . Anything that evokes " don 't know mind " is a little bit of dharma . I put it to a group vote on Sunday at the weekly opinion section meeting . I could right about dirty coal or expensive nuclear power , following up last week 's column on the senate energy legislation . Or I could write about this fight I inadvertently started on Facebook . So , you can see which way I went . I am posting here in it 's entirety the fight ( sorry for the formatting ) , with identification removed . It 's funny , but also a little sad and one of those things I wish I could change for the better , but am not quite sure how . in class . i 'm here to get a degree . so i can make money . so i can have an easy life . but why ? what 's my purpose ? why ? ? ? ? ? the " discussion " of it isn 't illogical . Just because we do exist doesn 't mean we can 't ponder what doesn 't . It 's just thought . Also , no one was talking about non - existence . We were talking about the fact that we DO exist - but why the fuck for ? I was talking about , " we exist because something has to " . That 's not true , we are just incapable of comprehending non - existence . And I didn 't say you can 't think about it , I 'm saying it 's illogical because there is no conclusion to be drawn - in other words wasted thought . All thought is waste . We 're just twiddling out thumbs until we die . Our lives are like a game of solitaire , really . Just something to do . Do any of you have children ? Billy is my reason for getting up in the morning . . . he makes the sun rise I swear : ) And do any of you believe in God ? This life is hell ! I can 't wait to go live with my maker in heaven : ) When my purpose is fulfilled in this life I will go one to another and live for ever in the most wonderful place : ) for that I am greatful ! Well , if that were the case . . . I 'd still have the same question . What 's the purpose of Billy 's life ? And if our purpose in this life , is to get to the afterlife . . . what 's the purpose of the after life ? There 's no real point to any of this . This question can never be answered - I don 't know why I keep asking . I 'd get depressed about it , but I 'd just be a sad person with no reason for existing . God has a purpose for us all . . . no I don 't know his purpose , he is only 6 right now I guess it would be to bring a smile to my face . What ? ? ? ? I would be depressed to if I didn 't believe in God . I will pray for you ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I 'm not depressed ! Just contemplative . Thank - you though ! I 'm not saying I don 't enjoy life . I enjoy my friends , I feel good when I do well in school but I just don 't see a reason for it . If there is a God , WHY is there a God ? I just wonder why ! Also , sorry Monica for overtaking your status . : ) No children and I don 't believe in God . Alison , you wouldn 't be depressed if God didn 't exist , you 'd be depressed if you thought there was no point to life . That 's why you have to believe in superstitions , in order to accept your current reality . When you die , your consciousness will go to the same place it was before you were born - non - existence . You 're actually " wondering " , and let me ask you , how many ancient books written by primitive men do you believe are the word of god ? Just the bible , or the several similar others that groups of people follow all over the world ? That 's the best part about Christians , you all want to die in a godless world and yet you obliviously live in one . Thank you , but I 'd rather you play with your son than waste time praying for me . If you think I deserve eternity in hell then you are a cruel , cruel person . Eternity is a long time for my crimes committed over my brief 24 year stay here . Won 't you be unpleasantly surprised when you find out how wrong you were ! I don 't know how I 'd get through life without my savior , Jesus ! That 's why your so unhappy . . . because you have no hope . It breaks my heart . Lacey , why all this angst about the fact that nothing happens after we die ? Why does that matter ? If that 's the case , shouldn 't what we do in life have more meaning ? ( If not purpose , per se . ) Jared , get of your high horse before it throws you . You have a wonderful mind . Don 't put it to use telling others what they don 't know . For us , one cycle of the Moon is 28 days from new to full to new again . It is the same on the Moon , each watching the other , moving together to the same rhythym . How beautiful would it be , to sit on that still surface and watch the Earth wax into multi - hued fullness and then shiver away again into shadow . It would happen over the course of a single day , which on the Moon is 672 hours long . On the far side of the Moon , while the sun still rises and sets during its 672 hour day , there is no Earth , none at all , for that side always faces away . But on the far side of the Moon , they have the stars , which are otherwise occluded by the the Earthglow for all but a sliver of hours each night when the Earth is new . In those small hours a billion , billion stars shine . How beautiful would that be . The stars from the Moom don 't dance or twinkle , for there is no atmosphere to distort their light . They shine steady and true . " At first my career path seemed so set , you know . After school I 'd just go to work in a firm and get a license . But now , since I 've been studying planning , with the dual degree , I 've got so many other things I could do . And the rest just doesn 't seem worth it . I don 't know , what are you thinking about licensure ? " Andrea asked me as we walked back to Arch Hall after lunch in the warm November sunshine . " Well , I used to think that was what I wanted . I mean , I know for certain want what a license will allow me to do , have my own practice , but I 'm starting to think it 's not worth it . The typical career path is what , twenty - years doing scutt - work , moving up the ladder until you 're finally in a place to do what it is you went to school for when you 're what , fifty ? " " Yeah , and then you only design for a few years before you get shuffled off into administration , " Andrea agreed . " And the whole internship process ? Three to five years learning what they couldn 't teach me in six or seven years of school and then nine licensure exams ? So I can spend most of my time working on construction documents or negotiating contracts or building little basswood models ? It doesn 't seem worth it . I don 't know . What were you thinking about it ? " " I 'm with you , " she agreed . " It just doesn 't seem worth it . " Andrea and I are the last two of the dual degree architecture and planning students . There are never many of us , but I haven 't heard of any more coming up the line any time soon . We 're both disillusioned , more so every day , with the current approach to teaching and designing , but we remain steadfast in our love of architecture itself . She remains to us a beautiful woman who has allowed herself to be swayed by others into the tragedy or horrible fashion sense . She suffers from Turrets and speaks only in riddles and profanity , but every now and then turns her face up to the sun and smiles . I ask myself again and again - why am I doing this ? Why am I so much more interested in PhD progat The saying goes " When the student is ready , the teacher will appear . " I 'm not sure where it 's from . It 's one of those random bits of data one picks up from popular culture , but it 's commonly billed as a piece of Eastern wisdom . However , I do find that although teachers seldom appear , teachings on the other hand seem to pop out of the blue . Although when I consider , it is more likely that I am simply able to recognize them as teachings at the time I am receptive to them . So the Fall 2009 cover of Tricycle spoke to me with it 's simple title , " Do Less . " The author of the cover article , Marc Lesser , warns " . . . doing less can actually be very hard . " Don 't I know it . This semester I 've had to learn how to say no , a task I am still struggling with . I have committed myself to only three tasks : 1 ) graduating , 2 ) after graduation , and 3 ) the Daily Nebraskan . If the request cannot A ) be taken care of in ten minutes or less or B ) directly contribute to one of those three goals - then the answer is No . Thus I find myself cutting out student government and student organizations , cooking and reading novels . I thought I would miss these things . Perhaps surprisingly , after the fact , No doesn 't seem so scary . I don 't miss the obligations I 've given up because what I 've chosen to focus on is something I find very engaging . I certainly don 't miss cooking and I can use books as rewards rather than distractions . Naturally , I haven 't been entirely successful . I got put in charge of researching and developing recruitment methods for growing the planning program , but I managed to bring my contributions to a conclusion and then hand it off , with a very firm statement that I would not be working on it anymore . Yet when our department head asked me to accompany a muckity - muck to a fancy luncheon with some other students and big - wigs , my newly found No skills deserted me again . Oh well . I suppose I need more practice . Marc Lesser , takes a somewhat more esoteric approach in his article ( which naturally need apply universally , not merely to overworked , Midwestern , graduate students ) . He talks about letting go of fear , assumptions , distractions , resistance , and busyness - those self - defeating habits we could all do less of . They seemed poignantly relevant to me at this time . I think I try to keep myself busy out of fear much of the time and a desire to feel / appear important somehow . I think if I engage in all these activities people will notice how valuable I am and if I don 't people will overlook or ignore me . When I get overloaded I look for distractions , little tasks that make me feel like I 'm in control of my life , but don 't actually accomplish anything worthwhile . I can be very stubborn and I 've been working for years to let go of the resistance I feel during critique - but as Lesser points out , I can turn that ' limiting belief ' into an ' open - ended belief ' - yet I am learning and making progress . Meis van der Rohe , that famous Modernist master ( who I generally blame , fairly or not , for almost single - handedly ruining fifty - years worth of architecture ) infamously proclaimed " Less is More , " to which Venturi ( that know - it - all , blowhard who cloaks ugliness with fancy esoteric rhetoric ) decried " Less is a Bore . " However , beyond this architectural tete - a - tete I am finding that by doing less , I can actually do more , and feel less stressed about the entire thing . But I 'm still working on the whole concept of No . I 'm glad to see they 've started adding hyperlinks to my columns . I 'll add one more , to the EPA report I mentioned . I 'm afraid this column is a little more disjointed than I thought , but I didn 't want to rehash the climate science debate all over again , so I took a different track , one I speak about less often because I know a bit less about it , but I had lots of support from my favorite bloggers writing on the subject over at Grist , WorldChanging , and Climate Progress . I perused the New York Times and The Hill for the opposition 's take , and did a little Googling to round things out . I should preface this post with the warning that I am drunk . Or at the very least sloshed , which I suspect is the same things . Even as I type , the Hinsdale is still going on . It is the annual costume party held in the College of Architecture . It is named in honor of the largest urinals west of the Mississippi , the ' Hinsdale ' in the men 's bathroom on the first floor . I have never actually seen the Hinsdale , but every male visitor I bring to the college feels compelled to take a picture of it , so I am assured it is quite impressive . I digress . Ashley came by . She was drunk too and we talked about the deaths of her parents . They died while she was working on the Shambhala project , which I brought into the college . Her father died while she was at Shambhala for the site visit . I knew about it , but Ashley and I had never talked . She came over to say she liked how that in my space , I have a chair that is always facing away , looking out the window , it 's back turned to my desk , and work , and just looking out on the world . Then we talked about her parents . She said she was glad I understood , because I told her about my friend Marilyn , who had died so young of cancer , like her mom and dad . She cried , but was happy , and she was glad she had gone to Shambhala because she had found a measure of peace there . We talked about how other people didn 't understand how we could be happy when our loved ones died , happy and sad at the same time . Jay came over to ask what I was doing . They 're all talking loud , about drinks , the party , professors , and projects . But I was sitting here quietly typing so Jay came over to see if I was working . No , I assured him , I am not working . I am not working . I am writing , but I am not working . He seems sure I am writing a column for the Daily Nebraskan . I guess that means they read my columns . I told him I was sloshed and writing about being sloshed , so he announced it to the room , high - fived me , then Fred Flintstone came over and high - fived me , then they went back to their loud talking and Ashley came over to talk and cry with me about the lost one . The music has stopped pounding out in the link , but I still hear voices , and the group is still here in the attic , chattering away . Jay is throwing up in the sink . It is past time for me to be in my bed , but it is a long walk home . I could try to ride , but I think the liquid in my head isn 't quite settled enough for that . So I 'll walk the long walk in my high heeled boots , glare at anything that crosses my path , get blisters , and fetch my bicycle home tomorrow .
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Or as my sister likes to say : " happy all hallow 's eve ! " . Anyway I hope everyone has had a spooky , fun day . Sorry this post is coming in a little late but tonight has been a long night . It began with me leaving work early because I was sick . I was surprised to find that I did not want to leave work even though I felt like crap but then my boss said " you look bad , you need to go home " so I went . I stopped by the grocery store , stocked up on meds and came home . I napped for awhile and then woke up in time for the trick - or - treaters . Well , I was hesitant to prepare for the little trick - or - treaters because to access our house is kind of awkward . . . you basically have to hike up Mt . Everest to get to our front door and to get to our back door you enter from an alley and walk down our long skinny back yard . Kids are lazy these days and it was proven to me yet again tonight . I was so hyped up about trick - or - treaters , since we don 't have a lot of friends yet , which clearly means no halloween parties I figured I could get excited about the tikes coming for some sugar . Now I hated when I went out when I was little and got the generic candy crap , so I decided this year that I was going to " give back " to the sugar crazed tikes and get name brand , stuff that I would actually like . ( it also helped that when I was telling my cousin Abby about my hesitancy . . . if that 's a word , to buy candy she said " buy stuff you like so if they don 't come you can eat it " ) So I did just that . We had Snickers , Hershey bars , Reese cups , Butterfingers , and 100 Grand . And guess what ! No kids ! No trick - or - treaters ! Stinkin kids ! I made sure the lights were turned on , on both of the doors . . . had our cute jack - o - lantern lit and sitting out on the porch AND I went out on our front porch ( twice ! ) and watched those kids trick - or - treat across the street where they don 't have to hike Mt . Everest to snatch their sugared goods . I 'm not going to lie blog fans , I was a little crushed . I was talking to my friend Morgan during this sad time and she suggested that I jusPosted by Ok I know there are a lot of posts tonight , but I have time to post and I have things to say , so I should run with it , right ? Right . So tonight I had to make a Target run . Mind you , it is 40 degrees outside and some type of hail / sleet / rain is falling from the sky . But I HAD to go . Considering the cold I decided to bundle up so I was walking out the door wearing leggings , navy sweatpants on top of that ( because let 's be honest , fitted jeans just don 't fit over leggings . . . unless you want a wedgie all night ) , a tie - dyed shirt , a blue sweater - type shirt over it , socks , my Uggs ( duh ) , a red scarf , lavender gloves and a black pea coat . Ok , I 'll be the first to admit it , I looked like a hot mess . But I 've gotten to the point of no shame , it was 8 : 40 , cold , and I live in a city where I know a total of 4 people . So you know I did not care if anyone saw me . Well , I pride myself on fashion and looking my best but this was not my proudest moment and I was well aware of it and even more aware when I walked downstairs . As I walked over to kiss the other JK goodbye he scowled at me ( specifically at what I was wearing . . . which I did not appreciate ) . I somewhat ignored the scowl and proceeded to walk closer to the door , as I walked I made a comment in passing about " yeah I know I look rough , oh well " ( just so he would know that I know what I look like and no I have NOT lost my sense of style ) and then he felt the urge to say in a mocking voice " and you 're going out in blue and black ? ! " . Hello . Who is this man ? And what has he done with my sweet husband who usually leaves his mouth shut ? I was a little taken aback but a little happy to observe what looked like my sassiness rubbing off on him . But of course " men do not have sassiness " , so substitute whatever masculine word there that fits . I am happy to say that my fave Target find tonight was FLANNEL CHRISTMAS SHEETS FOR $ 20 ! Ok , I love being warm , I love Christmas , and I love good deals ! Wahoo ! ! I could not resist . Ok , not only am I now classified as an official dork just by naming my post " dork alert " but this story will provide the original reason that I officially named myself a dork last night : So as I said in earlier posts . . . I 'm obsessed with Tom Petty now . Maybe a little too much . Well anyway , I particularly love Mary Jane 's Last Dance . I mean it is such a BA song ! ( Side note : If you do not know what BA means , email me and I 'll tell you . . . I mean come on people this is a family site , and you 'll probably figure it out at the end of this post anyway ) I am a person who plays songs over and over and over again . Yes , I am aware that this can be annoying which is the reason that I only do that when I 'm by myself or with my sister ( the only person who understands that part of me ) . Anyway , so I 've been playing Mary Jane 's Last Dance over and over and over again . Mostly when I 'm on my way to work because it makes me happy , and you know we all need something to make us happy on our way to work . . . let 's be honest . Ok . . . stay focused . . . I love the song and I 've constantly been listening to it . On this particular instance my dorkness hit me : Last night was fast food night at our house so I made the fast food run by myself and blasted some Petty . Of course it was MJLD and I kept playing this certain part over and over ( it was just so BA ! ! ) : Well I don 't know what I 've been toldYou never slow down , you never grow oldI 'm tired of screwing up , I 'm tired of goin downI 'm tired of myself , I 'm tired of this townOh my my , oh hell yesHoney put on that party dress ( fave part ! ) Buy me a drink , sing me a song , Take me as I come cause I can 't stay longI specifically played this oh about 10 times while doing the fast food run , and I 'm singing and boppin along with it the entire time ( singing my heart out like I wrote the song or something ) . . . now you know the lady at Popeye 's was thinking I 'm some kinda weird when she saw me . But who cares , I loved it , I had a great time and I felt like such a dang BA ! And by the way , even though I 've listened to that soPosted by John 's parents arrived last Wednesday and stayed through the weekend . . . and they brought their workin shoes with them ! It was so good to see them and be able to spend some time with them . While they were here and John and I were away at school and work they finished the last coat of trim in the dining room , painted the spindles ( I think that 's the correct term ) going up our staircase , painted our living room , sanded down doors and many other helpful things . . . and oh yeah John 's dad spruced up our yard by trimming back some much overgrown ivy . Thank you both so much , you were such a help ! ! We went to dinner one night and then Kathy and I went to see The Secret Life of Bees , we had both read the book and were dying to see the movie . If you were skeptical about going to see it , I 'm telling you now . . . you must ! It is sooo good , and very similar to the movie . And as much as it pains me to say this . . . Dakota Fanning did a grreat job ! Her southern accent was perfect ! I was so impressed and then hated myself a little afterwards because I enjoyed her performance . Man ! Who am I turning into while I 'm living up here ? ! I used to couldn 't stand the sight of Fanning . . . she just irritated me , there 's no logical reason other than she irritated me . ( Sorry Kate , I know this is a major let down for you ) Anyway to sum it up we had a fun , fun time with JK 's parents and we 're really looking forward to Thanksgiving ! ! Wahoo ! ! ( Kathy and Heather . . . be prepared for the " day after " shopping ! ! ) Oh I also carved an adorable little Jack - o - Lantern while the other JK 's parents were here . . . I 'll post a pic tomorrow because I 'm too lazy to load one right now . But its cute , so be prepared ! ! I ( and John ) received a care package today from my mom ! Yay ! It included Halloween candy , a pottery pumpkin that I painted when I was ohhhh maybe 6 , a cute ornament , 4 pieces of pumpkin raisin cake , 3 potential dresses for Em 's rehearsal dinner , and a pair of shoes ( yes Katie I know they are only on loan from you ) . It was so fun to receive it ! Thank you Mom , I ( we ) really appreciate it ! The treats were delicious and the dresses were cute . I love you ! PS - John was upset when he read my loves and dis - loves post and saw that he was not listed , so to make up for it , one more thing that I love : 1 . John ( duh ) You will never be able to convince me that there is a better salty snack than reduced fat cheez - its and a diet mt . dew . I literally cannot conceive of a snack that beats this one . I LOVE cheez - its , love them . I think it 's because I grew up with a stash constantly in our pantry ( thanks to my dad 's obsession ) . I 've tried to limit it to a treat though and not a staple in our house ( haha , we 'll see how long that lasts ) . Because the first time I bought a box when we moved in our new house I nearly devoured it in about 3 days . . . and no , I 'm pretty sure John did not eat any of them . Anyway . . . the reason behind this post is that I bought some tonight at the grocery store so I would have something to eat with my sandwich tomorrow at work . I threw a couple into my mouth as I was packing my lunch tonight and just closed my eyes and enjoyed every little bit of deliciousness that they are made of . I 'm so excited that I get to eat some tomorrow at work , it will make work so much better . Call me dramatic , or food obsessed . . . well , I admit to both of them and that does not take away from how incredibly delicious my cheez - its are . Mmmmm . Things that I love : 1 . Coming home from work where I 'm dressed up in dressy clothes and then being able to change in really comfy sweats . . . love it ! 2 . Homemade apple pie brought to me by my loving mother - in - law . 3 . Cool weather . . . note that I said cool not cold , I am not looking forward to the bitter cold that chills me to my bones . 4 . A pumpkin candle from Bath & Body that my mother - in - law also brought me because she knows I 'm obsessed with festive smells . 5 . The fact that my cuzzie is getting married in just a few mere weeks and knowing that she 's experiencing the same wedding crazies that I did . . . so no I am NOT crazy people . . . she just is too : ) 6 . Knowing that Em 's wedding means that I get to see my fam soon ! Things that I do NOT love : 1 . When a senior citizen man makes a joke that 's not funny but you have to laugh at it anyway , just because you do . Its just one of those rules that everyone knows and obeys like don 't poot in front of people you don 't know . Call me ageist , call me mean . . . I think its just annoying . 2 . Sitting in front of a computer screen all day and being sleepy ( aka my job ) . 3 . Heels , yes I love my heels but I do not love wearing them 8 hours a day , 5 days a week . . . its takes all of the fun and fabulous - ness out of them ( yes . . . that 's a word ) . 4 . The fact that the closest Krispy Kreme is 19 minutes away from us in a town I 'm not yet familiar with ( thanks for rubbing it in my face Em ) . 5 . Waking up in the morning knowing that I have to pull myself out of my warm bed only to step on cold floor and walk through a cold house . . . booo . So I made a spur of the moment decision while Ginny was here . Its something that I 've been wanting to do for a while . . . you know a little change . . . as if I haven 't had enough in the past 3 months . So now I present to you . . . I 'm a brunette ! Before : After : From the back side : The only thing is I can 't help but to think what Truvy from Steel Magnolias would say . . . to quote her " I can spot a box job from a mile away " . Eek , hope I don 't run into Dolly Parton . Thursday night Ginny arrived in Pittsburgh , yay ! I was so happy to see her , and to see the little gift she brought with her . . . she was kind enough to pick up a 4 piece supreme dinner from Bojangles for me and the other JK to share . It was so wonderful . . . a little dry ( from being 6 hours old ) but mostly wonderful ! ! It was so great to taste our fave fast food restaurant again . Anyway . . . the rest of the visit with her was so fun . Thursday night we just laid around and watched the State game and talked . Then it was definitely time to go to bed . Friday I was off to work and Ginny took John to school and she went to a couple of museums . We all gathered back at the house for Mexican rice , margaritas and once John left the room . . . the Sex and the City movie ! Yay , it was such a fun night . . . it was like Ginny and I hung out just last week , we always pick up right where we left off . Saturday we woke up and watched Twisted , a movie with Ashley Judd and Samuel L . Jackson . . . really good by the way . Then we all went to play disc golf . . . some of us not as willingly as others . See , I thought I was going to be able to get out of it since it was Ginny that asked John if he wanted to go . I don 't know why I attract people to me who are active and competitive . So I was going to stay here and watch the Golden Girls episode that I had DVRed . . . not so likely , they basically dragged me out of the house . I was not a happy camper but then got over it and we had a fun time . It was beautiful outside . . . but note to self : don 't choose the copper colored frisbee when its fall and all the copper colored leaves are on the ground . Most of my time was spent trying to find my stinkin frisbee . We promptly dropped John off at the house , showered , got ready and yes . . . we went shopping ! After that Ginny and I went to the Duquesne Incline to get a wonderful view of the city at night . Then we were simply going to follow our Mapquest directions to Church Brew Works . . . which ended up in quite an adventure . . . we were very VERY lost . . . for an hour . We drove out of Pittsburgh Posted by Tonight I was again glued to the TV ( I HAVE to get a new hobby . . . I 'm up for any suggestions ) , and got sucked into 17 Kids and Counting ( a TV series about the Duggar family who have , yes you guessed it . . . 17 children ) . Since I love Jon and Kate plus 8 and my cousin Emily speaks highly of the Duggar family I thought that I would allow myself to watch it . Well , if ya 'll have ever seen this family you 'll understand why my eyes have been wide in astonishment this whole time . They seem really sweet and they love the Lord but that is too much hair for me ( all the girls have hair below their waists ) and too many floor length jumpers and dresses with ruffled necklines . They also had a family that were close friends of theirs visiting ( on this specific episode ) that have 16 children and one of the parents said that the Duggar house was so big that they didn 't even realize there were 40 people in the house . Shug , I hate to tell you but no matter how big a house is you will always realize that there are 40 people in there , especially if the majority of them are children under 13 . Again , they just seem so sweet and happy so I hate to be ugly about their family . . . I don 't think its ugly I 'm just expressing my views . . . right ? Well , being the cynic that I am , I just don 't see how you can always seem so sweet and happy and its not just the parents , the kids all seem to be the same way . . . ahh ! It kinda makes me want to scream a little . Now you know one of those kids has to have a temper tantrum sometime or be selfish . . . I guess I 'm just astonished by their excessive amount of naivety and pure sweetness . Alright , well , I 'm sure they are wonderful people but it all seems a little weird to me and a little unrealistic . ( And I swear I saw a smug face on one of the Duggar girls during the Dixie Stampede ! - - haha she has an attitude ! ) I just had a thought run across my mind and I thought that I should fill ya 'll in . One of the days that Morgan and Emily picked me up from work they were playing a Tom Petty cd in the car and I thought it was one of theirs , well apparently it was John 's and I just didn 't know that he owned one . Anyway it was pretty much our soundtrack for the rest of their trip . I thought I only knew a few of his songs but as I listened to more of the cd I recognized a lot more of them . And I really like him ! And let me tell you , I 'm getting more and more picky about my music choices these days . But yeah , I guess Mr . Petty is a pretty great musician . . . I know my sister is proud of this post , she loves Petty . In fact , she missed a concert to go to my wedding ( aww how sweet ) . Anyway . . . he 's great ! Love him and that means I 'll be listening to him while I 'm boppin around the burgh for the next month or so . That 's how all of my music addictions are , when I find something I love I listen to them for about a month and then they just rotate in and out as far as who I listen to . . . FYI I just got off a Death Cab for Cutie kick . Well she was an American girlRaised on promisesShe couldnt help thinkin that thereWas a little more to lifeSomewhere elseAfter all it was a great big worldWith lots of places to run toYeah , and if she had to dieTryin she had one little promiseShe was gonna keep - American Girl ( none other than Mr . Petty ) This weekend I had the pleasure of entertaining my friends Morgan and Emily . I picked them up Wednesday night from the airport and dropped them back off this morning ( so sad ) . But it was so great to see them ! We had a wonderful time together and it reminded me of college . . . I act like it was so long ago . They were able to go out and explore Pittsburgh while I was at work and then we hung out together at night . We were able to watch TV ( probably our favorite pastime ) , shop , and go out a couple of nights . And I must say that John seemed to adapt to being around 3 women very well . . . I was quite impressed . Hopefully I 'll have some pictures to post later on ( Em you HAVE to send them to me : ) And I 'll have to give a shout out to Emily Rowe who dropped them off at RDU so they could come here ( her birthplace ) , thanks Em ! Last night I stayed up and finished Everyone Worth Knowing ( the latest book I 've been reading ) instead of going to sleep but I really enjoyed the book and was so glad I was finally able to finish it ! It was a really good book . It was a little slow at first but definitely picked up . . . I recommend it for a fun read . Today I have been glued to the TV . . . who knows why , because of boredom , laziness , or mopey - ness ? I have officially watched two , yes TWO Lifetime movies today ! They are so dramatic , and teach good life lessons , why would you not watch them ? ! Well , I just had to pull myself away from the 3rd one so that I might be somewhat productive tonight . I did make dinner though , so that was productive , right ? We had pork chops ( pronounced ' poke chops ' ) and scalloped potatoes . . . mmm mmm delicious and of course sweet tea , just in case you all wanted to know what was on the menu . But with that , I 'm going to try on potential outfits , maybe have a glass of wine and get stuff together for tomorrow . Hope you all had a great weekend ! Sorry its been awhile since I last posted : ) Ok , I 've had a few people show concern for my lack of posts . . . sorry faithful readers . The first day that I got back from work JK and I had to clean the entire house because it was disgusting from having the ceiling ripped out ( dust was everywhere ! ) . Then the next night I was baking a cake completely from scratch for Morgan 's birthday cake ( once she got here ) and then the presidential debate was on and I had to clean for my guests . My guests have safely arrived ! Wahoo ! ! Ok , next thing . . . work is great , everyday that I go I feel a little more comfortable with all of the things to do and the people seem to get a little more used to me being there . Everyone is really nice and I think I 'm going to like it a whole lot ! I love that the company is actually working for good and helping people out . So for all of those who wanted to know what I chose to wear on the first day . . . it was a cute black dress with a bubble hem , mock neck . . . short ( sort of puffy ) sleeves . Gray tights and black stilettos ( duh . . . but stupid rookie mistake ) . Along with aqua necklace and earrings to match . I forgot how much you have to walk around an office throughout a whole day . . . so I 've cut back on the heels . . . except today I wore knee high brown suede boots ( thanks for passing them down Mom ! ) . Its a great atmosphere , pretty relaxed and again . . . everyone is really nice . I just hope that I keep catching onto things and I 'm able to pick up where the old HR assistant left off . To answer some lingering questions . . . I 'm still finishing Everyone Worth Knowing , I 'm so close to the end but I 've had to do stupid cleaning and stuff ( boooo ! ) . I 'm ready to finish it , I hate having a book almost done and you can 't finish it . Anywayyyy . . . I 'm excited that Em and Morg are here . . . as soon as they got in the car they filled me in on their flights and I can say that I haven 't laughed that hard since I 've moved to the burgh , ohh to have good friends here ! ! Yay ! Last thing , my b - maid dress came in for Emily 's wedding today and it fit perfectly ! ! ! Wahoo , love it ! ! Love ya 'll and IPosted by Not much has gone on at the JK household this weekend . We 're pretty much a boring married couple , I never thought this day would come . Well , in the words of my dear friend Em Nance , to be fair . . . John did have homework all weekend long . And on top of that our cable has been disconnected since Saturday ( because of repairs on ceiling ) : ( so sad . We 're still having work done on the hole that was in our ceiling . They should be out at 7 am . . . that 's right I said 7 AM tomorrow morning to finish it up ! Annnd tomorrow is my first day at my new job ( Lord , please let me work with interesting people ) ! These people clearly already love me because I don 't have to go in until 10 : 30 tomorrow ( wahoo ! ) and promptly 9 am every day after that . . . but alas I will be woken up a little earlier because of our happy helpers / smokey smelling carpenters . I have been reading Everyone Worth Knowing by Lauren Weisberger ( the lady who wrote The Devil Wears Prada ) . Its a pretty good book , its no TDWP though . . . I can actually see some similarities between the 2 books though . But I will admit that I love reading anything about someone in NYC , talking about designer clothes , cool places to eat . . . and let 's just face it , NYC ! It 's fun to fantasize . . . On a very HAPPY note my good friends Morgan and Emily will be in the burgh in a mere few days ! ! They are arriving Wednesday night and are staying until Sunday , wahoo ! The shops of Pittsburgh better watch out , we will be attacking them soon ! Emily also has a great love for shopping and all things that are retail . . . we just drag Morg along with us . On that note I must go try on approximately 43 outfits before I decide what to wear tomorrow . . . not too young . . . not too old . . . not drab . . . but not too trendy ( please keep in mind that I already spent about 45 minutes last night trying on things ) . The night began with homemade pizza , which is quickly becoming our Friday night tradition . While I was putting together the pizza I decided that I should throw together some brownies . John returned from TN with 2 brownie mixes ( thanks Kathy ! ) . . . so of course we had to eat them . . . better sooner than later , right ? I love brownies , they are just so simple and delicious . I am somewhat of a dessert snob so there are times when I write off brownies because I 've had them so many times before in my life but whenever I do eat them I am always pleasantly reminded of how incredible they are ! When I bit into the brownie I was reminded of my childhood , whenever we made dessert at home it was almost always brownies . Anyway , go make some , its such a wonderful treat ! It is cold here in the burgh and I love it ! I love wearing fall / winter clothes and being all bundled up ! I love having tons of blankets on the bed so I don 't freeze to death while sleeping ! Last night I sat on our couch bundled up ( even wearing the new scarf my cousin Em sent me ) reading a book . . . the other JK was at an event for school . It made me realize that I 'm going to have to start getting hooked on some other hot drink other than coffee to keep my insides warm . . . maybe I should go buy some herbal tea . . . mmmm . But sad to say , I looked at the 10 day forecast and it looks like its going back up to mid 60s and 70s . . . hopefully they 're wrong . So I think that I may start just doing short little posts when I think of something instead of a long , drawn out post ( copying your style Em ) . But this post is dedicated to my best friend from college , Morgan B . Dunlap ! Her birthday was yesterday and although I annoyed her with texts , phone calls , and g - chat I did not dedicate a post to her for the day that she was born ( sorry , I was consumed with interviews and a book . . . still no excuse ) . So happy one day late birthday Morg ! ! I hope your birthday was absolutely wonderful and I CANNOT wait until your little butt is up here next week so we can celebrate your birth ! Wahoo ! Morgan and I served on the Middle Creek YL team for , I think , 3 years together and we became best friends through all of it . Then she had the pleasure of being a lovely bridesmaid in the JK wedding ! She is truly a wonderful person and I love her so so so much . The extent of her patience and kindness is incredible , something that I try to aspire to have one day . I loves ya Morgy ! I 'll leave you all with one of my fave pics of me and Morgan : Spring Break 07PS - Praise the Lord for seat warmers , there 's nothing I love more than having a warm booty in cold weather ! ! Yes , that 's right folks . . . the day we 've all been waiting for has come ! Let me have the honor of announcing that : I HAVE A JOB ! ! ! ! Wahoo ! I 'm so excited . Thank you for all of your prayers , they worked ! I will be an HR assistant at a non - profit company SharpVisions . . . here 's their website : http : / / www . sharpvisions . org / Not my dream job , but let 's face it people . . . I just graduated college and you need at least umpteen years of experience to have any job that you love . Plus , this will give me great experience and it will be bringing in a paycheck , whoop whoop ! Annnnd if we 're lucky I 'll work with funny people and funny things will happen to me so that I can report back to you and relay some great stories . Let 's not forget one of the most important things . . . I 'll have some kind of human interaction on a daily basis ! Yay ! I start on Monday at either 8 or 9 ( they 're getting back to me . . let 's pray its 9 because we all know the longer I can sleep the more pleasant I am ) . And that 's about all I can answer for you right now . On another fun note , I fininshed Little Altars Everywhere and I began The Divine Secrets of the Ya - Ya Sisterhood ! I really love it , the books are great , they make me feel so at home when they talk about the South , even though I didn 't live in Louisana or have abusive alcholic parents . . . but its still good . There 's lots of drama ( which I love ) and it just altogether is really , really good ! I actually got the call about my job yesterday but I was so busy reading my book that I didn 't post about the job until today , oops ! When I start reading a good book I can 't put it down , its all I can think about and all I want to do . It 's an addiction , and I think its A - ok .
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I 'm sitting here in my office trying to figure out what to write about . Lord I need a little help here . I 've looked through the concordance of the Bible and can 't find the right word . You know what I 'm saying the word that comes to mind . . . . . something that is dear to your heart . Something that reaches out to everyone today . The sky is a beautiful blue and cloudless from my office window . My mind wanders as I watch the birds fly by the window . Maybe he 's looking for his mate . They play tag between the houses and land in the tree . Then one will take flight and sit on the eves of the house next door . Have you ever wondered if they get tired from their wings flapping ? How high can a bird fly ? Just any bird , not the grandest bird of all , the eagle . He soars higher than all the birds , so majestic as he glides through the sky then swoops down as soon as he spys his prey . In a flash , lightening fast , he picks up his catch and carries it off to his nest . I have two birds that have made their nests in my hanging ivy on my patio . They 've done this for two years in a row . They build their nest and lay their eggs . I 've watched as they feed their babies after they hatch . Then one day they 're gone , leaving an empty nest behind , and a dead plant . You see I 'm very careful how I water the plant when they put their nest in the middle of it . I wouldn 't want to drownd the babies . So again I 've taken my ivy down and I will wait until next year to replace . Maybe I 'll replace with a different plant , then see if they come back to build their next and hatch their eggs ! Today started out with breakfast with the ladies of my Red Hat group . We decided to try the new Panera that opened at the Forum and we were not disappointed . Food was excellent and so was the company . It seems like it 's been quite awhile since we 've had a number of ladies present . With our busy schedules that seems to be at least one or two that isn 't able to come to breakfast . And it looks like we have a couple that will be hitting the road shortly taking trips across country . It 's not me this time ! We talked about the upcoming genealogy meeting at the Schertz Library in Oct . I am anxious to check out the speaker they have scheduled . I keep trying to figure out the DNA stuff but it is so confusing . I do hope our speaker will be able to tell or explain to this simple mind how to figure out the markers and maybe some more ins and outs of it . I keep hearing that some people have found long lost relatives because they 've had their DNA tested then low and behold a relative did the same , and they found each other ! Oh if it were only me . I know it 's in God 's timing and He will give me the grand revelation when He thinks I am ready for it . But I am so impatient , and I thought my daughter was the only one that was impatient ! I 've had my eyes glued to the computer and hunted for so long to find a missing relative that I 'm beginning to wonder if I 'm the only one from whatever gene pool I 'm from . See how confused I get ! If anyone is interested in their DNA the Schertz Library will have a speaker on Oct 5th at 6 : 30 in the library meeting room . Maybe you 'll be able to understand it . Then will you explain it to me ? Did you ever have one of those days ? One of those weeks ? Maybe a month of bad days , days you thought were never going to end . Here lately I think I 've been having one of those days . Yesterday I thought started out alright but when I got to my appointment and proceeded to back my car in between two of my friends cars I hit one of the cars . Never mind that I hit the car but it was her NEW car ! I really felt bad , and of course , that put a damper on the rest of the day . Although it was a good day because our Gideon Auxillary women placed fourteen Bibles in doctor 's offices and gave out 66 medical testiments to workers . That was a praise the Lord . I took my husband 's bracelet to the jewelers to have the clasp fixed . I told him what was wrong with it and as he looked at it he couldn 't figure out what I was talking about . I , too , was perplexed as he was having no trouble with the clasp . I thought maybe I picked up the wrong bracelet to be fixed . So I asked him to fix the clasp on my bracelet as I couldn 't get it opened . He said give him about an hour and come back , which I did . He placed my bracelet on my wrist and I was able to open and close it with no problem . He said he adjusted my husbands clasp . No charge he said . " Enjoy . " When my husband got home last night I handed him the bracelet and said the jeweler adjusted the clasp . He got quiet , then said . " I took the bracelet to the jewelers while you were gone and had it fixed . I should have told you . " Well it was a bad day , but now that I look back the car accident could have been worse . I only scratched some paint and put a small dent in the rear end . No glass was broke . No one was hurt . God was watching over us . My husband could have told me he had the bracelet fixed but then I got my bracelet clasp adjusted , something I probably would have put off even longer . That was good . God knows what He is doing when I just forge ahead and blunder about . I need to put my day in His hands more than my hands . Lord I pray this is a better day . Until then . . . . . . . . Last weekend I went to Tennessee to be at my granddaughter 's wedding . I felt honored to be sharing her special day with her . The flight went well and by two o ' clock I was out on the freeway driving in quite a heavy thunderstorm . There 's nothing more unsettling than driving in a storm , in a city you 're not familiar with , and in a car you are not used to ! I found the exit I was supposed to take , or at least I thought it was my exit . There was the hotel and right beside it was a Cracker Barrel . I could handle this . . . . . . . . good food ! I went up to the desk and asked if I was in the right hotel . She looked up my reservation and said no , but there was another Sleep In ten miles down the road . I frowned and said , " I thought I was going to be able to eat at Cracker Barrel ! " She assured me there was another Cracker Barrel beside the other hotel too . I was happy ! Between more downpours , thunder , and lightening I was able to check in at my hotel and head right for the Cracker Barrel to kill time . Before I set foot in the store my granddaughter called me and said . " Meet us at the hall if you 'd like . " If I 'd like ? Of course I 'd like to be part of everything . So off I went searching for the hall where they were to be married . When I pulled into the parking spot I couldn 't help but to think of how much the hall looked like a big church . Upon entering there was a large entry way with tables and chairs inviting one to feel welcome . Off to the right I saw a hustle of activity so I gravitated there to find a big group getting ready for a wedding reception , but not my granddaughters . I walked back out and headed to the left and found young girls busy setting napkins on the tables , tying white bows made of tule on the backs of the chairs , and my grandson running here and there with a cousin . After hugs and a tears I started helping with decorations . Then when the rehearsal was over , gifts were handed out , we all headed to Ryan 's for dinner . It looked like my granddaughter had everything under control . I am so proud of her ! Wedding days can gPosted by As I sit at my computer I look out the window at the rain beating against the pane , the wind bending the trees too and fro , and the tiny hummingbird struggling to get a drink from the window feeder . You could call that perseverance . How many times do we tackle a project only to fight obstacles along the way , but we continue until our project is completed . Then that satisfied feeling we have to see it finished . This last weekend I finished my projects strung about my house . The desk in my craft room was covered with so much I couldn 't see the desk . My husband put another table in there so I could collage three canvases , which has taken me three months to complete . It 's a pleasure now to open the door and see a clean room . I 'd been working on an afghan for my husband for almost eight months . This last week I finally finished it . Now he can cover his legs when he watches television , his puppies can sit on his lap , and they can all take their naps before bed . Again the tiny hummingbird is struggling against the wind to get his drink of sweet confection . The trees are still swaying with the wind and the rain beating against my window . This is a day to definitely stay close to the hearth , read a book , work on my writing , or do nothing but stare at the turmoil of Mother Nature . Until then . . . . . . September is here already . Where has the year gone to again ? Every year I ask myself the same question and every year it 's the same answer . I don 't know ! I , like everyone else , get so caught up in our everyday schedules that the day is gone and I make a mental check that I didn 't work on my story , or I didn 't check out if that answer was right or not . I 've come to the realization that I need to write first , then clean house , do the laundry , mow the lawn , run errands , go grocery shopping , take the dogs to the vet , babysit for the daughter . Whew I just got tired and I haven 't done anything yet . Did I mention I need to go to the gym for my self ? Yes I joined the gym because my husband said , " We need to do something to get some exercise . " Okay so I 've been once . Can 't find the time to get back and need to seriously work out a schedule for myself . Is this where the saying comes from " the best laid plans of mice and men " . I told myself this is the year , and I know it isn 't over yet , that I was going to get at least one project finished . Well I do have four months left , but let me see now . Granddaughter gets married next weekend in Tennessee . Have to be there for that ! Vacation in Florida for Christmas with the children and grandchildren that are able to make it . Have to be there for that ! Pamper Me ladies retreat with Susie McEntire Luchsinger in November . Have to be there for that ! Girl 's getaway in October . Missed it last year so I have to be there for that ! Now where do I fit everything else in ? I am woman , I can do it ! Until then . . . . . . . . . . . Katie was a Sauk Indian during the Black Hawk War of 1832 . She was only six years old but survived and was found by Thomas Jordan . There she lived until she married and raised her own family . Wander with me through the pages of her life as I tell the story of Katie . My husband and I have a large family scattered all over the world . We look forward to letters and phone calls . Genealogy is my first love . I should have been a detective . We 've taken trips to the areas our ancestors once lived and walked the cemeteries looking for their graves . But most of all I love to write their stories . The stories I know they would tell if they were alive now . I belong to the Christian Writers Croup of Greater San Antonio , Alamo American Christian Fiction Writers , and American Christian Writers Groups .
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ok so that is a questin that is deliberately going to incite some responses ! but that is what I felt listening to the radio this morning . ooohh , listeing to the radio gets me annoyed sometimes . Today I heard a ( striking ) teacher banging on about how hard teachers work and how they should be rewarded for that . Now I am not about to disagree with her , of course the majority of teachers work hard and they are doing a fantastic job with ourn children ( my kids school is brilliant and we and they love it ) . However what annoyed me was the fact that she implied teachers were owed more of a return because of how hard they work compared to others . So does that mean someone who works in Tesco , or a farmer , does not work as hard as a teacher ? and therefore should not receive as good a pension becuase their work is not seen as worthwhile ? Where would we be without shops to buy our food ? Some teaching we have been doing at church recently looks at our giftings and how God can use all of us . The message being that God needs people everywhere . Ok , so a teacher , doctor or policeman might feel their job is worthwhile on one level , but actually we need people to do everything . From cleaners to shop workers , teachers to library staff , policemen to funeral directors . At the risk of sounding like a communist ( ! ) I don 't think there are professions that are ' better ' than others . One can work just as hard stacking shelves as being a driving instructor , they just use different skills and different muscles ! Not all of us are able to give medical assistance , not all of us are able to grow our own food , not all of us have the capacity to teach , not all of us are called to be Vicars . . . But I 'd like to see how the country would run without any of them . . . BTW I am not commenting on the strike action , but the points put across on the radio on behalf of teachers . Posted by A friend sent me this today . . . It 's from the wonderful Cartoon Church . I love the ' turns out you are a distant relative of the Bishop ' ladder . . . ! Just had an interesting session with some sixth formers at a local school . The same one I went to last week to talk to the year 10s . I had been warned they might be feisty as half of them study philosophy . Actually it was very interesting , and there were only 3 of them as lots of them are doing exams . One admits to being a committed Christian , one says he is but some of his statements made me wonder and the other was probably an atheist judging by his questioning . Actually I liked him the best , ( in a non - weird way , I should point out ) he was intriguing , I wanted to spend time talking with him further to see where he is coming from , he frowned a lot and that made me wonder about him as a person too . But anyway some of his questions were quite pointed . For example , there is just as much historical evidence for the bible and existence of Jesus as there is the Quran , so why should I chose Christianity over Islam ( I 'm not sure if he is actually correct but let 's just look at his question ) . In my head I was thinking , because of what Jesus did , because he did that out of love and without expecting anything from us in return . But actually that isn 't an answer is it ? If someone totally unchurched in any faith studies both Islam and Christianity , which should they chose ? The answer I guess is the one that speaks to that person as an individual , not what anyone else tells them , and that comes from them as a person . The one that appeals most will depend on their upbringing , their state of mind , their knowledge . I realised it was pointless me saying , ' well Christianity of course , for this reason and that reason ' , because we each have to make that decision for ourselves don 't we . And ultimately God has to guide each person to make that decision . It seems , in a way Christianity is the easy option . God accepts us as we are , he loves us no matter what , someone can turn to God on their death bed and still be ok with God . Other religions require people to do specific things , to stick to the laws , to spend a lifetime in service to a God who may or may not accept them . I have posted before on the horrors of human trafficking and a fabulous organisation that is trying to make a difference , A21 . The following is written by Beth Redman and I saw it today on Matt Redmans facebook page . I haven 't asked permission to reproduce it , so apologies Redmans for that , but it is very powerful and I wanted to share it . . . This time last year I sat down for a meal with Christine Caine . We were both speaking at a women 's conference in Belfast , Northern Ireland . I had met Nick & Chris Caine previously at the Hillsong Conference , and love Hillsong and respect the work they and the Caine 's do around the world . As we sat down to catch up and share hearts , I was in the middle of the fog that comes with the birth of one 's fifth child ! My passion was my family & writing books and speaking to a generation of teenage girls and young women , calling them to run after God with all they 've got and fulfill the purpose God has for them on the earth . Little did I know Chris was about to deliver a wake up call that would change the course of my life forever . As Chris will remember , I doubled over and wept to the point I was almost sick ! It was part conviction that I 'd been asleep , and part mobilizing me into action . My Spirit was groaning , and I knew something had to be done . My life and my mission were changed forever . Shortly after that chat my husband and I continued with our plans to relocate from the USA to the UK . Once the children were settled , I traveled to Greece and met the wonderful team there and visited the A21 shelter . There I met the most precious young girls whose freedom had been stolen , yet they were able to begin the restoration process thanks to the work and effort of A21 and its supporters . As we traveled back to our hotel , and the night drew in , we saw dozens of young , teenage girls working as prostitutes . As our car turned the corner , one young girl came out of the shadows , her hands on her hips , and she offered herself to each passing car . Her body was looking for work , but her face was shattered and looked like stone . She no longer looked like a child , and was unable to fight this evil . Somehow she had found herself on a corner , after midnight , on this filthy street . She should have been tucked up in bed , secure , treasured , safe , and innocent ; instead here she was , in salacious , black clothing , with one fearful eye on her pimp who stood not too far away as a car pulled up beside her . She was a victim of this 21st century evil , and had no rescuer . I watched a documentary on Sky2 last week about the subject of human trafficking in Eastern Europe . The interviewer , Ross Kemp , was talking to a convicted sex trafficker . When asked how he felt about the girls he had destroyed , he replied with a smirk , " The girls are nothing . They are like footballs . They are worth nothing . If one is destroyed , you can always get another . " In Christine Caine 's CNN blog this week , she recounted a similar sentiment made by the testimony of a trafficker during his trial . When asked by the judge why he was involved in such an activity he said , " People are so much easier ( to traffic ) than drugs . The sentencing is a lot less , and you can just kick them and they 'll do what you say . " Caine 's response ? " I can 't even believe somebody thinks like that . That 's the dark side , that 's the evil side . But I think , by and large , most people would think that 's very evil and say we 've got to stop that from happening . " Yet , here we are in 2011 , with slavery rife amongst us . Whether we like it or not as a society , as individuals , we are in contact with slavery more often than we realise . They say we are all joined by six degrees of separation from any other human being on the planet . In all of these scenarios we are in much closer contact with slaves either here in the UK or overseas . None of us have clean hands . We often hear much about human rights . But for there to be rights we have to acknowledge there are wrongs . I accepted the offer of chairing this policy review because I passionately believe slavery is wrong . I have discovered through my work with A21 , and again this week at the press launch for the Slavery in the UK ' Policy Review , that if there was no demand , then there would be no slaves . If you 're a slave master in 2011 , then you can always get another commodity . Tragically , the price of human slaves is the lowest they 've ever been . So what is next ? We have recently recorded a song for A21 , called 27 Million , which we will be releasing as a single that we hope will not only raise awareness for this issue , but also raise funds to find and prosecute the slave masters and to rescue and restore the victims . And the good news is that if you didn 't know about this before , now you do ! " My job is to help put tools in people 's hands and say , ' Yeah . Together we can stop that from happening . ' Often , I think , because we think , ' I can 't do it all , ' we end up being paralyzed . So we do nothing , ' said Caine . ' But if we understand we can 't do everything but we all must do something , and we all find the one thing that we can do , then we 'll find that together we will all make such a huge difference and we 'll be able to put a stop to this . " Last week I did some teaching as part of our Church ' Lifeshapes ' series . I have mentioned lifeshapes before , it 's a great course , with some really good teaching that is based on how Jesus lived his life with teh disciples . A lot of the models ( or shapes ) work well in the secular world too . The thing that I really liked about this teaching is that it makes the point that we are all leaders in our own ways , in our own worlds . Because so often we label people as leaders ( and boy do I hate lables . . ) and we pick out those who naturally fit the mould , but actually we all have talents and gifts that can be useful in leadership , in so many different areas . And likewise those who are natural leaders often fall down in one area . ( bet you can all name a boss of yours who has trouble delegating . . . ) My favourite example is that of parents . Parents are leaders whether they chose to be or not , because they teach their kids on a daily basis . They lead them to know the difference between right and wrong , they teach them how to get dressed , how to go to the loo ( oh the lovely potty training phase , loved it ! ) , and as they get older they begin to let go and let them learn more for themselves . It occurs to me that so often in business people are obsesed with getting the right leader , a natural leader , one who scores in the right area of Myers Briggs and so on . But the real experience , the stuff of daily life is ignored . So often women who have been out of work having kids are discounted because they have a lack of experience , or someone who hasn 't been on the ' right ' management training course is put to the bottom of the pile . I wonder how many people never get the opportunity to fulfill their potential , because they ahvent ticket the right boxes . . . We have reached the point in the lives of our kids where there are just so many demands on Sunday mornings . Last year we made a decision not to let them go to parties on Sunday mornings , as not only would it mean they would miss church but that chances are one of us would too . We also tell our 15 year old that if she has sleepovers on Saturdays she needs to be back to come to church . I feel that as a family it is important for us all to attend church together . The kids get great teaching in the kids / youth groups ( as do we in the main service ) and they have a chance to join together in worship . What 's more thay all enjoy it and want to go , for which I am very grateful . At least we are not having to battle them to go . I also think its important for us to give , as a family , a day to God , but also for each other . As we are all so busy ( kids included ) it is great to be able to have some family time and doing something together . However it is becoming increasingly hard ! The number of kids parties that are held on Sunday mornings now is huge , and practically all the local sports clubs hold their kids sessions on Sunday mornings , which for a sport - mad obsesssed son like ours is hard . It is funny how things have changed so much in the last 10 - 15 years or so . I don 't think our oldest ever got invited to a party on a Sunday and there were plenty of clubs to be involved in at all times in the week . Sunday seems to have become the day of choice though now . Is that because Saturdays are now so full too that we have to do anything recreational on Sundays ? Or maybe because Sunday trading laws are so relaxed that you can buy anything you like now on a Sunday . People actively choose Sundays as gardening / DIY days and all the major stores , in their big retail parks , push this too . In an era where lots of people do shift work or work odd hours it is of course much more convenient to be able to shop whenever and wherever you like . And in fact I don 't think one needs to celebrate the Sabbath actually on the Sabbath . For many it is impossible to do so anyway , so the era of choice is very beneficial to them , but what usually happens is that people don 't do it at all , they don 't worship and they don 't rest either . Anyway , this Sunday my son has been asked to play in his first cricket match . Starts at 9 . 30 and finishes at 12 which rules out all local church services ! My husband is in the band this weekend so I am on cricket duty . I am really looking forward to this , there is a level of pride in watching your child play their first match and what 's more I love cricket . But it is tinged with a sense of guilt too that we are missing church . Not as a one - off but because I fear this may be a can of worms that we are opening . . . . I am not sure that we shouldn 't be sticking to our guns and saying Sundays are out for anything other than church . A friend of ours says that he feels God will be with our kids wherever they are , in church or on the field and what 's more they will be a witness for Him too , which I do agree with , but it still feels a bit wrong . Bottom line , is that for our son ( the sport obessesive ) , he cannot play football , rugby or cricket competitively unless he plays on a Sunday . For some sports even the coaching is on Sunday . For cricket he does all the training but then would not ever be able to play in a match which seems very unfair . There is part of me that thinks actually it is quite within a persons rights to chose whether to live or die . I mean people can die from drinking too much , smoking too much and so on , when they know full well the dangers , yet they are in essence killing themselves in their own way . But I know ones mental state has a huge part to play in that behaviour as it would suicide . I thought in general that the programme was very sensitively handled . I know the BBC has been accused of pushing the issue but I didn 't feel that at all . I thought it was quite balanced , and just looked at the human side of things rather than political or moral . I was quite moved when Pratchetts assistant was obviously finding it hard to deal with the fact that Andrew Colgan , MS sufferer , had set a date for his own death . However I did have , perhaps cynnical thoughts , about the way it all seemed so middle class . The very fact that there was a huge fee for this service ( and I know dignitas is not for profit ) puts it out of the reach of many . I felt , particularly when the Smedleys were talking , that there was almost an air of I have always got / paid for what I want and this will continue in death . We do live in a society where we want everything now and the well - off can buy pretty much whatever they want . Even death it seems . As I said maybe that is rather cynnical , but it just seemed that Peter was treating his illness in this way , just another thing to pay off . The overwhelming thing I felt was that these decisions were being made on fear . A fear of the unknown future , fear of how they would feel when their illnesses progressed further , fear of how long they might have to live with as Smedley said ' this beastly and undignified illness ' . Colgan also said ' I can 't and don 't want to live the life I have now ' , rather telling I thought , it was like he couldn 't see past his illness , obviously life was different than it had been , but he wasn 't able to see good things or draw any positives from his life now and of the future or see how he could live his life , but in a different way . Obviously I have no idea how these 2 people were feeling themselves , I do not know the pain of their illness , the embarrasment of it or the indignity . I am not the one suffering , and I cannot begin to understand what would make them decide to take their own lives . But I can 't help feeling that as a Christian one professes to love God and to trust Him . In all things . And from that Christian perspective , choosing to take ones own life is not an example of trusting in God . . . Posted by I have steered clear of the whole thing with the Archbishop of Canterbury 's piece in the New Statesman and the subsequent press haranguing of him . When I say steered clear I just mean I haven 't blogged on it , or entered the debate because the whole world has been so I didn 't need to add my few thoughts to it . But I have read a lot of the coverage which has been interesting to say the least . . . My favourite piece so far has to be Victoria Corens - via her blog on Sunday in which she points out the many errors of the media in this debate , one journalist in particular . I love this piece , it made me laugh so much , but also because she says it as it is , my kind of person ! I did retweet it , but here 's the link so do check it out . . . . So today we said goodbye to my Nan . There was a short service at the crematorium and then tea at my parents house . It was all rather lovely actually . I held it together , no tears - rather unusual for me ! and read the prayers without wobbling too . . . I think just completely because I was so sure of where she is now , of her salvation . And the interesting thing has actually been the planning of it . Which made me wonder who is the funeral really for ? For some it is a celebration of the life of the person , so they plan the service according to the taste of the deceased . Others see it more as a way to say goodbye , particularly for those who may not have been around prior to the death . And others still , plan the service according to those who will be attending . It 's easy to see how these things can be fraught , planning amidst grief means that the focus on the arrangements is magnified . The tiniest of details can become huge and often down to individual tastes or foibles . Actually the planning of my Nans was ok and really it wasn 't my place to organise it anyway , so I will keep my mouth shut about the things I would have done differently . But ultimately I think she would have liked it , not least because her nephew ( a Methodist Minister ) took the service , which was lovely . Anyway , I wanted to share the prayers I read . They come from my Nans daily prayer book which she read every day . The first prayer is from the day she died and the second for todays date ( the funeral ) . My Dad was rather scathing when I pointed out the aptness of them and posed that maybe it was a ' Godincidence ' , but I rather like the fact that for those 2 specific dates they were so perfect ! Unto Thee , in the light of our Saviour 's blessed life , we would lift our souls . We thank thee for that true light shining in our world with still increasing brightness . We thank thee for all who have walked therein , and especially for those near to us and dear , in whose lives we have seen this excellent glory and beauty . May we know that in the body and out of the body they are with Thee , and that when these earthly days come to an end , it is not that our service of Thee and of one another may cease , but that it may begin again anew . Make us glad in all who have peacefully died . Lift us into light and love and purity and blessedness , and give us at last our portion with those who have trusted in Thee and sought , in small things as in great , in things temporal and things eternal , to do Thy Holy Will . Ok so just over a week ago I wrote a post here about resting from work , from a course we are doing at church right now . So it 's rather ironic that whilst I am preaching about it I still can 't seem to get it right in my own life ! In the session I was very honest about being ill , which actually only a few people at church knew about , and I find this hard to be open about . I hate being weak , I 've written about this before and I hate being viewed in that way . I never want people to have sympathy for me or to look on me with pity . This is obviously a hang up I have and I have no idea why ! So I don 't really let people in the ' real world ' know about being ill . And coming to terms with it has been hard , again I have posted on it numerous times , here and here for a start . Anyway over the last few months I have begun to feel better and have been taking on more things , so I was feeling very positive about it all . Then the last few weeks seem to have been a rather rude awakening as some of the symptoms have come back and I am exhausted again . Being around people who believe in a force of evil means that I am torn between feeling that this is of the enemy and I should just trust in Jesus ; to wanting to give up everything and go to bed for a week . Last night we went to the O2 for a joint churches gig for Pentecost , which was great . But before hand ( like half an hour before we were due to leave ) I started feeling ill . So we delayed going but I was so determined not to be beaten ( whether by the devil or myself I don 't know ! ) we did go . In hindsight this was foolish and I should have listened to my body , or God , one or the other ! But it 's funny , this week when I have been feeling rubbish so many things have pointed to me being ill still ( and I don 't just mean the symptoms ) . Amongst other things , I was at a talk where a guy started sharing about his CFS ( Chronic Fatigue Syndrome ) he suffered for 5 years , others have blogged on tiredness and not doing too much , and this morning someone came up to me at church wanting to share something with me personally about how God has been speaking to her about the whole rest / balance thing we had studieed the week before . Ok , so that was the final straw and the tears flowed ! Back in January / Feb when my GP told me to rest I was so up for it , feeling this a season of abiding and just getting closer to God . Then as I said I started to feel better and opportunites came along and I began to do a bit more . So now I am looking at the scales again . Am I really trusting God in all this ? Is this just me pushing things forward ? I keep saying I am not and I am waiting on God and I am certainy not seeking out opportunities but then I am getting tired again . So there is a part of me waking up to the fact that this season of abiding is not yet over . Perhaps I just need to drop everything except the essentials and just rest in Him for a while longer . . . But the me part of me , is resisting that and thinks , ' but I am enjoying this , I have found the true path God wants me on and I am not ready to give that up ' . I am digging in my claws and refusing to budge . Truth is if I gave myself permission to truely chuck it all in for a while I would probably enjoy it . It 's the in between stage that is not healthy and driving me to distraction . Either way , I thought I was getting better before and I thought God was giving me these opportunites , so how will I know when I really can start again ? And on top of that the discernment process takes so long I am very reluctant to put that on hold , seeing as I can 't start until next sept ( 2012 ) anyway and then another year seems like forever . Oh I know , I can hear you all yelling at me , ' it 's Gods timing ! ' I KNOW ! ! ! I know a year is nothing and if that is what He has has in store it won 't matter how hard I push against it ! Oh I don 't know , just writing all this out makes me tired . For once in my life I want someone else to make the decisions for me . To just tell me what I should do . That should be God , but I just can 't hear Him on this right now . Or maybe I am not listening hard enough . . . Last night my husband and I watched ' The Social Network ' . Probably this post is years behind the rest of the blog world , but hey I only just watched it ! It required some concentration I have to say , but I enjoyed it . Now , I recognise the film was based on a book and I have no idea how accurate it is to the real Facebook story , so when I talk about Mark Zuckerburg I am referring to the character played out in the film . Regardless of the controvery surrounding Facebook and its invention and various court cases this guy is incredibly gifted . I mean in high school he was head hunted by Microsoft and AOL after he wrote some music software . . . And the thing that seems to stand out about him ( and now I refer to the actual Mark Zuckerberg ) is his integrity , he is really only interested in his product , the thing he has invented , the money is irrelevant . How many other teenagers would have turned down a job with Microsoft or AOL to go to college ( even if it is Harvard ) ? ! It 's not because of the amount of money . For me and my colleagues , the most important thing is that we create an open information flow for people . Having media corporations owned by conglomerates is just not an attractive idea to me . And although Facebook itself is a huge organisation now at least Zuckerberg remains President and CEO . So , less than 10 years after it was started Facebook has over 500million members . It has a massive influence , is discussed by governements , even banned in some cases , used to get information out from areas where the media can 't get in , hey even help to bring down corrupt goverments in the case of recent riots . . . I wonder if Zuckerberg had any idea of how powerful this open flow of information could be ? I suspect he might actually . . . Again according to Wikipedia : On December 9 , 2010 , Zuckerberg , Bill Gates , and investor Warren Buffett signed a promise they called the " Giving Pledge " , in which they promised to donate to charity at least half of their wealth over the course of time , and invited others among the wealthy to donate 50 % or more of their wealth to charity . Now that is one heck of a lot of money . . . The film does not portray him in the best light it has to be said , but then that 's Hollwood for you I guess . And actually I supect that it is rather unfair in places but you know they say God knows people everywhere and whether he is an atheist ( as he professes ) or not , look at how much good has come out of this . . . Posted by I have just finished reading a book called ' Godzone ' by Mike Ridell . It was recommended to me by a lovely Vicar I met a few weeks ago and it is quite unlike any Christian book I have read before . It doesn 't seem to be coming from any kind of ' labelled ' perspective , it is just about one mans reflections on what he has learned on his journey through the ' God - zone ' . It is just crammed full of things that make you stop and think . And it is funny . unusual for a Christian book ; ) One of my favourite lines has to be : Anyway the book addresses several key issues - the old faves like : suffering , justice , evil etc , in simple yet powerful ways . One that really struck me is what he says about the way we chose to worship . Obviously this is a bug bear of mine ( ! ) but it particularly struck me whilst reading the debate over at Lesleys blog relating to homosexuality . In the post and comments several people have made the point that change is necessary , that the church has moved positions on various issues over the years and we need to continue to do so . Personally I feel exactly the same way about how we approach worship in our churches . Like the debate above and others , there are two sides to the argument and there will be a large portion of people who like / want the traditional approach because that is what they are used to . BUT at the same time we have to recognise that the church needs to move forward , if we want to encourage people in - to meet with Jesus - then we need to help them to do that and for many the ritual and liturgy is a massive turn off . They don 't undertsand it , it is dated and it is a deterrent . . . . It is this need for the wayfarers to gather that brought churches into existence . ' Church ' at one time meant a gathering of people . Now it means a building with a steeple . ' Worship ' at one time meant the act of celebrating Gods presence , now it means a collection of rituals at 11am on a Sunday morning . ' Faith ' at one time was a red - blooded response to the stirring of the Spirit . Now it is a set of beliefs so insignificant that they can be contained in the doctrines . The Way has become religion , it 's meaning drowned in a sea of ceremony . . . This morning I had some girls over for a coffee and questions session , it 's a new thing I have just started and the idea being that they can have an open and unthreatening place to ask questions about all things faith / God etc . It went very well and more sessions have been planned , but I was surprised by the level of antipathy to the church . They were keen to talk about God but all of the church stuff was negative . I guess I expected this , but I was surprised at how strongly they felt . And how sad is it , to actually hear a personal testimony that ' the church ' is unwelcoming , unfriendly , unintelligible . We talk about it all the time and the stats show it but to hear it in my own kitchen made me so cross on their behalf ! When will The Church wake up ? We are representing Christ on earth . yes , none of us are perfect and we make mistakes but it doesn 't stop us trying to be like Him . It doesn 't stop us trying to show compassion to those around us , and it doesn 't stop us trying to get out there , into the ' real ' world and helping people who have no faith or little understanding , to take a step towards Jesus . Does it ? Is it really so hard ? Are we really so arrogant that we continue on in our own little ways saying ' this is how we do it ' or ' this is how we have always done it ' . . . We cannot expect people to come into our churches if we do not make them welcoming , relevant and loving . And I 'm not just talking about the coffee ( although decent coffee helps . . ) A friend just tweeted this . It seems an evangelical church ( Revival Fellowship Medway ) put out a flyer including examples of people who had been healed by God . One person complained that this was misleading and reported the ad to the ASA , who have upheld his complaint and ruled the church can no longer advertise in this way . You can see the ad itself on his blog . Finally , it seems to me that this is preying on vulnerable people in society . People with chronic or complex condition are often willing to try anything to be relieved of pain or disability , and this advert suggests that they too can be healed ; this may well draw them into a complex religious organisation with all that entails . However , drawing people in with unsubstantiated promises of healing is an unethical way to engage people into a belief system . Now I accept he is entitled to his opinion and actually probably a lot of people ( Christians included ) might agree with him . So I ask the question : is it irresponsible to share stories of healing in this way ? I admit if it were me I would not have advertised in this way , but the ad was hardly offensive and personally I don 't think it was that misleading either . I mean those desperate enough to come to church thinking they would be healed on the spot , probably need God anyway ( well we all do . . ) and surely would have sought medical advice previously . It 's very unlikely that anyone would turn up having not sought medical help and wanting God to heal them unless they already had some level of faith . So it is hardly preying on the vulnerable . Healing is always a tricky one in the Christian world . I believe God can , and does heal but he doesn 't always , and too much emphasis on healing takes away from the central truth . We cannot promise that people coming into our churches will be healed because that is for God to decide , but we can give them the hope of his promises for us . Ok so maybe I am being thick here but something has been puzzling me for a while . Why did Jesus , after healing people or casting out demons , usually tell them not to tell of what had happened ? In fact not just that they shouldn 't tell , but the language used is very strong : he commanded or he ordered in some cases . . . I have been re - reading Marks Gospel this morning and noticed this several times and I just don 't get why he would say that . I mean for example he raised Jairus ' daughter from the dead and the bible says he gave strict orders not to let anyone know about it . Strict orders . The guys daughter has just been raised from the dead and he gives strict orders not to talk about it - I mean that is quite an ask ! And in Mark 7 he commands the healed deaf / mute man not to tell anyone . This is a man who has not been able to hear or speak and he is not allowed to explain how he suddenly can . I mean isn 't that a bit odd ? It is also particularly apparent when he is dealing with the demon - posessed . He is very firm when they call out that he is the Son of God , Holy or The Christ , he always silences them , rebukes them or does not allow them to speak . In Luke 4 : 41 it specifically says he would not allow them to speak becasue they knew he was the Christ . But why ? My husband and I have been discussing this and the only obvious answer is that if he allowed people to spread the word in this way it would possibly take away from their freedom to chose , and the bible does make it clear that we have to chose for ourselves whether we believe . God is not a dictator . I just can 't think of anything else . In terms of the demons calling out his name I can see that maybe it is to do with the fact of who they are and not worthy to even say his name or to speak the truth . But then in the case of miracles and healings , why perform them in the first place ? Because surely performing signs and wonders was a part of showing that he was the Son of God ? so why perform them and not let people share what had happened ( although it does say in several places that they did anyway ! ) In Mark 8 : 30 he even tells the disciples not to tell ayone who he is . So perhaps it was about timing ? Maybe the timing wasn 't right to reveal who he was ? I just don 't know . I would really appreciate some advice here ! As I said , I may be being really dense and missing something obviouis but it has been bugging me for a while , so someone give me a heads up please ! Thing is , women are different from men . This may be stating the obvious but I think sometimes when the debate of equality comes up there is a contingent that assumes women want to be treated like men . So here 's some news : they don 't . What they do want is to be treated with the same level of respect that a man might be given , with the same level of authority that a man may command and without condescension or being patronised . I think very often people assume that women who are ambitious , have a career or want to see change are just ball - busting man eaters . This is so stereotypical but still appears to be the favoured view , particularly within the church . Lesley flagged up , as she usually does at this time of the month , the rankings for women bloggers in the religion and belief category . One commenter ( sorry David I 'm not really picking on you . . . ) asked why is this so special ? And yes he is right , there is nothing more special about women bloggers than men , but what I appreciate about this list is the fact that women are different . And it is good to celebrate our differences whilst recognising we are part of a larger whole . Women do things differently . just as men do , not in a sweeping generalisation way but in an acknowledgement of who we are . Who we are made to be . I hope no one thinks I am trying to pigeon hole anyone based on gender , sexuality or anything else , the point I am making is that we can get so het up with the equality debate that we ignore the fact of who we are . And I am a go - getter , someone who stands up for what she believes in and will not be opressed , ( probably what some would call a feminist ) but at the same time I am comfortable with the fact that I am also a woman . I am a mum . I am a wife . As part of our Lifeshapes course at church last weeks shape was the semi - circle , representing a swinging pendulum between rest and work . It 's a subject that seems to hit home with so many people in our busy society . How have we got to a point where people are practically boasting about the number of hours they work ? How have we got so far from the time when people actually kept Sundays for church and family ? How have we got to this place where large numbers of people are regularly suffering from stress at work , or from overwork ? How do we have families where fathers only see their kids at weekends because they leave the house for work before sunrise and get back after they are in bed ? What is it that drives us to this extreme ? Is it greed ? love of money ? Is it because more is expected of us ? Or because the cost of living has gone up ? My husband has a pretty good job , he is good at his job and we are very blessed , but he is not obsessed with work . And yet even he rarely takes a lunchbreak , he has coffee at his desk , will feel guilty if he has to leave early and so on . . . And he is just on the edge of it . There are those who work 14 hour days , every day , don 't take holidays , or if they do take blackberrys and laptops with them . . and just keep going . . . I love that Lifeshapes reminds us that in Genesis when God creates man he does so on the sixth day . So what do they do first of all ? They rest ! - the seventh day is a rest day . So for Adam and Eve the first full day they have on earth they spend resting . That 's BEFORE they do any work . And God does have work for them , he created them to work in and look after the garden . ( And that 's whether you take Genesis literally or metaphorcially , it 's still clearly showing rest before work . . ! ) So why do we find it so hard to take a break ? I am so guilty of this , hey I even made myself ill because I was working too hard . For me I think it was the belief that I had to do everything , that things had to carry on , that I couldn 't take a break even when I needed to . I am learning to work from my rest and not rest from my work . But it 's not easy , it doesn 't come naturally to me ! So with that in mind , we are off for a few days break , hopefully resting ! As blogger is still up the spout I cannot schedule posts for while I am away , but that 's kind of nice , as I can 't put pressure on myself to get a load done before I go . So I hope you all have a wonderfully restful weekend ( we shall be on a boat where the speed limit is 4mph ! ! ) and I will be back to writing next week . . .
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If it wasn 't because a tragic accident took his life in 2003 , today Kevin would be celebrating his birthday . Kevin McCarthy and his wife , Diana GongMcCarthy , were two of the victims in the Santa Monica Farmers ' Market car crash on July 16 of 2003 . He was 50 and she was 41 . I met Kevin and Diana through his sister ( my good friend and wonderful artist ) Anamaria McCarthy . We saw each other only a few times , but I always felt as if I had known Kevin and Diana forever . We had instant chemistry from day number one . Very quickly we started building a friendship that was suddenly interrupted by the tragic accident that took their lives . My memories of Kevin and Diana are still so fresh in my mind . They were so special . They came to my baby shower in 2003 and brought presents that I still treasure with love . Below is the thank you note that I wrote to them . We had lunch two times . The first time we went to a restaurant near our home and the second time they took me to their tiny place in Santa Monica . Kevin and Diana had just made a huge decision . They had decided to move from New York City to LA , permanently , in order to follow their dreams in film making . They had been making their own beautiful black and white movies for a while , but they felt that it was about time to do it full time . I was totally in love with their courage and resolution so I decided to help them on their difficult journey . I asked Bill to meet with Kevin in order to talk about Hollywood and give him some directions . Bill was extremely busy at the time but he accepted . How excited I was about the meeting ! I left several voice mail messages to Kevin but unfortunately he never had the chance to hear them . After the accident I went back to their place with my friend Anamaria , Kevin 's sister . Everything looked exactly the same as the day when I had lunch with them . Everything was neat and clean and very organized . On the table , there was still the huge puzzle that Diana was working on . I remember Kevin say that Diana was a puzzle fanatic . She was definitely a very organized and smart person . On the wall there were 2 to - do lists . One for Kevin and one for Diana . Each one had a list of specific things that they were going to do during the week . It was as if time had just stopped . Everything was there , in the perfect place , but Kevin and Diana were never going to be able to check their to do list or to finish the huge puzzle . Norman Cousins . When Kevin and Diana were alive , they were very alive . And now that they 're gone they 're still very alive in my heart . Their deep love for each other , their resolution to pursue their dreams and their courage was a huge inspiration to me and to all the people who knew them . Wherever you guys are right now have a wonderful time and a very Happy Birthday Kevin ! . Big hugs to you both ! You will never be forgotten . Elsita : ) I have a pretty unique discovery to share with you today . It 's a jewel of a blog run by someone with a remarkable mind . I can say without any doubt that If I were going to subscribe to a single blog , that would definitely be The Emotional Detective . Dr . Meyer , the mind behind The Emotional Detective , has a real gift for understanding the complex world of emotions . She is in private practice and teaches as an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at UCLA . Her PhD is in Clinical Psychology from UCLA and her BA is from Oberlin College . Dr . Meyer has previously published original research and professional writing . . What I mean is that she 's the real deal : o I have been following her blog with great care from the beginning . I am even keeping a notebook , as she recommends in one of her posts , in order to track my emotions and investigate where they come from . The things that I 'm finding out about myself are quiet fascinating and unexpected . Most of us are confused about our feelings . We don 't know which to heed and which to ignore . We cling to idiosyncratic notions about our emotional life , without even knowing it . Their staggering impact goes unrecognized . We feel the confusion and the pain of our emotional stagnation , but fail to recognize its cause . It 's hard to know exactly what is so stifling . At times , we are truly baffled . Neuroscientists have shown that most of human behavior and decision - making is determined by emotional forces that operate outside of our awareness . These unseen forces have enormous impact on our health and wellbeing . How we experience and manage our emotions is largely determined by our temperament as it combines with early experiences , especially key relationships . Examining emotional clues allows us to part the screens of consciousness to have a peek on the other side . The Emotional Detective offers an easy way to investigate your inner world . It presents a starting point , a guide and path for self - exploration - along with tips for emotional management . The column 's central goal is to explain secrets to emotional health . In a voice more engaging and direct than her scholarly sources , Dr . Meyer shares a new approach to self - discovery based on cutting edge research and theory . Pulling ideas from philosophers , neuroscientists , sociologists , psychologists , writers and her clinical experience , she helps readers understand and manage their feelings more effectively . What I love the most about her blog is how accessible and easy to understand is . Taking care of our emotional world should be a priority , because we are our emotional world . Reality in my opinion is what we have in our head . That 's why the more we get to understand how the mind operates , the better we will be able to deal with its complexities . I invite you to follow The Emotional Detective as a little gift to yourself . I predict that you 're going to love it and appreciate it as much as I do : ) ( In order to subscribe to it just enter your e - mail address in the box that you will see on the left sidebar . See how it looks in the picture below . That way you will get a notice anytime Dr . Meyer publishes a new post ) I have a friend who is a very important person in my life . I always tell her that she made me become a real person because before her I was like a little " wild animal " . Debra and I met in 1993 when I was very young living in a " hole " in Camaguey , Cuba . With her help I came out of the hole and started learning things that changed my life in deep ways . With Debra 's help I traveled to Italy ( first time ever going out of Cuba at age 23 ) . Traveling out of island was hard , the whole process was complicated with lots of paper work . I didn 't have the money or stamina for going through all the frustrations but she helped me be patient and the trip became a reality . I loved Italy ! Being there was a real school , but as the day of my return approached I got nervous . I didn 't want to go back to the hole in Camaguey . Then , Debra stopped me from doing a stupidity . I called her to say : " please Debra send me a copy of my birth certificate . I am going to stay over here with my new boyfriend . Some people I know are going to find me a job cleaning houses " . Debra stopped me from doing so . She asked me to come back to Havana and offered me to live in her place . I knew that she was always right so I listened . That happened in 1995 . Living with my friend was one of the most important experiences of my life . With her I learned to believe in myself . I never thought that I was going to sell my art but she took my pieces to the USA while I was in Cuba and found ways to sell them with her friend 's help . I never thought that I was going to be able to have a solo show of my work , but she made it possible for the first time in Havana . She found my first gallery ever in the USA . She made possible for me to visit the Art Institute of Chicago where I learned so much . She took me to New York City so I could see the city for the first time . Debra introduced me to Marguerite ( Bill 's sister ) who eventually introduced me to Bill , who married me a short time after we met and with whom I had my 2 beautiful children . Debra is behind anything good that ever happened to me . More than friends we consider ourselves sisters . We have spent long periods of time without seeing each other because of her work and my busy life , but we have always felt connected , we have always known that we 're in each others hearts . She came to visit me last December and it was wonderful . We reconnected and spent quality time catching up with each other 's lives . Every time I see Debra is so special , because I put everything in perspective . I remember where I come from and how much I have accomplished because of her . She puts me in touch with my essence . Imagine the shock when I found out that she had been diagnosed with cancer a few weeks after she left . I was devastated . But knowing how strong she is I saw later on that she had taken the news with such calm . Debra has the quality of being calm and thoughtful whenever there is a problem . I think that problems are afraid of her because she scares them . I have a deep faith that the cancer treatment is going to work great as it happened with my brother Rene . She 's doing everything right , plus she has lots of support from relatives and friends . Debra has always been extremely healthy and physically active . I am sure that her body is going toWith this post I wanted to share this treasure of friend that I have with you . I feel so lucky to have Debra in my life . Isn 't it amazing how much a good friend can literally change us ? She helped me find the right direction whenever I was wrong , she could always see beyond what I saw , she has always been understanding , never judgemental , she 's modest and gentle and so smart . I have said several times that before I had my children , there are 3 main people that have shaped me in deep ways and they are : My Mom , my friend Debra and my husband Bill . I feel really lucky . I love you so much hermanita ! And I send you tons of positive energy with this post ! Elsita : ) Bill and I have been experiencing different disappointments lately , coming from different sources . But that is part of life and we face them with an open heart . When things don 't come out the way we expect , we just keep going and doing our best to keep a positive mind . But some disappointments , specially the social ones , are too large to keep going in a calm manner . We are facing one of them right now . LAUSD has recently sent a notice to 3 WONDERFUL teachers from Natalie school saying that their services might not be needed anymore . In other words , this country wasted so much money in the wrong things in the last few years , that they don 't have enough of it now to pay our teachers a salary ( one of the lowest salaries in this society ) . When we heard this news the first feeling was pain , then anger , then disappointment , then anger again and then more pain . We 're talking about WONDERFUL teachers ( they really happen to be the real deal , extra - ordinary ) who are heroes for their students . Those teachers represent something extremely important in their student 's lives . But because of the lack or responsibility from those in power who make wrong decisions , our children 's education is in risk . If our three teachers are forced to leave in the end , our children would have to regroup in classes of almost 60 kids ! But there is always hope coming from everyone . That 's why children and parents gathered on the streets yesterday in order to protest . But as beautiful and moving as it was , it was also painful seeing what a tiny little voice ours is , compared to the loud and heavy noise that comes from everywhere else in this society . Just step outside and hundreds of billboards will shut at you : BUY THIS , BUY THAT , DO THIS , DO THAT , GET STUFF , WE ' RE AMAZING , BE HAPPY , EAT THIS , EAT THAT , EAT LESS , EAT A LOT , LOSE WEIGHT . . . ! ! ! ! ! Not a single billboard says : Take care of the children , they 're the future , they 're the priority . The quality of a society is based on the quality of the education offered to their citizens . . . That would be kind of ridicules to promote because it doesn 't generate profit . In a profit oriented society like this , social values get totally lost . In the end money becomes the biggest voice . But we just can 't shut up . As tiny as our voice is we need to keep using it , otherwise that would be like giving up our rights . Hope must be kept alive no matter what . I recently got one of the latest issues of Raw Vision Magazine and what a wonderful surprise I found in it . The mysterious case of an artist known as The Electric Pencil . He or she ( this artist 's identity is still a mystery ) created an album with 283 drawings that was rescued from a trash heap in 1970 . The artist was a patient at State Lunatic Asylum in Nevada Missouri around 1910 . I am totally fascinated with this case and with the beauty of the art . To learn more about it visit the official web - site of The Electric Pencil . Dear friend , Just a short note to report that yesterday was a pretty sad day in this city because of the unexpected news . Bill and I attended a Hollywood event at the Academy and both Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett were mentioned . We all knew that Farrah was very sick but who could imagine that Michael was going to die at 50 ( Bill 's age ) Michael Jackson had a difficult life . I always saw him as a little boy who never grew up , for some reason I could never see him as an adult . But he was and he had two children and as weird as anybody could think that he was , Michael was a human being like you and I trying to have a life , the last few years were specially hard for him and I know that he had a few true friends that loved and supported him completely . Imagine how sad they must be right now , as well as the rest of his family . I hope that they stay very strong in order to deal with the press over here ( which is brutal ) . Lots of love , Elsita I love this picture so much ! Because it was taken by someone very special : Phil the Still : ) That 's how we call our friend Phil Bray who is an important photographer here in Hollywood and also one the most modest and down to earth individuals in the film business . HERE you can see some of the photographs that he has taken from different movies . I met Phil in in Vietnam when I traveled over there to spend time with Bill in 2001 . And he has been one of our most generous and wonderful friends since then . We treasure some of his photographs in our collection and all of them have been gifts from him . During my blog brake Phil was working on Death at a Funeral with Bill and one day he came to visit me in my studio . What a treat ! He taught me many photoshop tricks and I got to see the proof sheets of his last work . I felt so fortunate to spend those couple of hours with our friend ! We talked not only about photography but also about family and life in general . I think that one of the most rewarding experiences ever is to spend time with special people . That 's why I always love to come back to my blog and spend time with you : ) Have a great Friday my friend ! And a wonderful weekend ! Bill is coming back tomorrow ! ! ! ! Love ! Elsita : ) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * And you can visit The Hidden Seed Today to see me in the 50 's : ) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * My Mom and I are having the best time together ! : ) Yesterday , after Diego and Natalie went to school we spent some little time in the kitchen taking a break . We have been doing errands all over the city for days . During our break I had the idea of doing a little interview with her . It was great . Those are the little moments that I want to treasure forever in y heart , I want to enjoy every second with my Mom while I can . And here is the translation of the interview for you : Mami ( that 's how I call her ) I would like to know , in your opinion , what 's the most what would you change about your life ? I would change the fact that my Father didn 't let me go to school . I loved school so much , he thought that a girl only needed to read and write and that was it . As soon as I learned that he took me out of school . raise my children was one of most difficult parts of being a parent . Seeing them suffer for reasons that I had no control over was also very hard . But the hardest part was being so close to losing one of them . would like to do before you die ? I want to go to the Moon and see what 's going on up there . ja ja ja ja ja ! ! ! ! ! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After this interview we had a session of photography , my Mom decided to be photographed as Sleeping Beauty ! We laughed so much ! ! ! ! Now I send you lots of the good energy that she is giving me in these days ! ! ! Have a happy Friday and a wonderful weekend ! Elsita : ) ( My Mom wanted to make sure that I say Happy New Year to you ! ! ! ) The book that you see in the picture bellow is a Christmas gift from my dear friend Acela and the other picture is what Natalie and I made inspired by the book . THANK YOU SOOO MUCH MI AMIGUITA ! You made me sooo happy with your present ! It is now a treasure in my collection of books about paper craft . But the real treasure here is my friend herself . I always want to tell you about my wonderful friend Acela . She is my oldest friend , not that she is old , she is as young as I am , but I met her a long time ago when we were teenagers . Acela an I are from the same province in Cuba ( Holguin ) and we went to the same art school over there . She now lives in Chicago , Illinois . Acela is a very special person . I still remember our very first conversation one afternoon in our old school when I was about fifteen years old ; we talked about my first serious boyfriend . Talking with her that day felt like the most natural thing ever and from that day on she has stayed in a very special place in my heart . Acela and I have always been connected somehow over the years , even though we are always geographically far away from each other . When I first moved to the USA I used to talk with her on the phone all the time and her support made a huge difference in how I adapted to my new life . Back then I had doubts about me being able to adapt to a new culture , about learning a new language . . . but she always made me feel that I was going to be OK no matter what and she turned out to be right . I am now completely happy , I have a unique family and I am still creating my art . My days are extremely busy since I became a Mother , there is so much in my head all the time regarding the children and everything else ! And the same thing happens with Acela . She has has her own life and one million things to take care of so the days , weeks and months pass by and sometimes we don 't get to talk . But we are always connected through that invisible thread that a real friendship is . Those truly linked don 't need correspondence . When they meet again after many years apart , Their friendship is as true as ever . DENG MING - DAOWith this post I want to say : I love you Acelita and I wish you all the wonderful things that you deserve this year . Thank you so much for being my friend ! ! ! ! Elsita : ) And before I go I would like to invite you to visit www . thesisterproject . com ( one of the most inspiring places online for womenPosted by Elsa Mora on January 08 , 2009 at 04 : 00 AM in PEOPLE | Permalink Dear friend , today I would like to introduce you to something very special : THE SISTER PROJECT . This is a wonderful new space on the internet dedicated to sisterhood and and all the meanings behind this word . There is soooo much to discover over there , I think that you would love to explore it a little bit when you have a chance . To me , it is like an open book to a fascinating universe . I am so honored to be featured there with my work . Some time ago I was contacted by Margaret Roach , ( former editorial director of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia ) and wonderful Paige Orlof regarding my work and how they thought that many of my pieces were connected to the idea of sisterhood . When they told me about the project that they were developing I immediately felt inspired to share some stories with them . We had a great conversation on the phone and I told them everything about my sister Ileana and how she has been such an important person in my life . I also revealed them something that some people can 't understand very well and that 's on the last paragraph of my interview that you can read right here . Tomorrow I will tell you more details about that part of my life that I haven 't shared with you yet and it has to do with tough love . Now I want to wish you great day full of beautiful little things : ) See you tomorrow ! Elsita : )
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byOtazel © I 'm Becky , I 'm twenty - two , I 'm Simon 's partner and lover , and I want to make sure you hear some of our story in my words , so we 've decided that I 'll write some chapters and he 'll write others . I 'm the woman who ' seduced ' him in Ch . 01 , and if you haven 't read that , it wouldn 't hurt if you did . I 'll pick up the story about a year ago , the day after Simon and I met . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * After the trip hammer had finally stopped pounding away in my head , and after my mouth stopped tasting like carpet , I finally got around to thinking clearly about the night before . I had got well and truly smashed on a night out with a group of friends , and that after I 'd promised to stay sober and drive them all home . I was going to have to go round and apologise . Most of them would still be at Jan 's , where they 'd had to sleep over because of me and I had to collect my car back anyway , so that would be the ideal opportunity . Not that I fancied that job very much . I would also have to go and see Simon , who had been roped in to take me home . He was due a big thank you for acting as taxi , and also a very big apology for what I 'd done on the way . He 'd stopped to let me out for a pee , and by way of thanks I 'd pretty much raped the poor sod . It was just that I was already feeling randy , and his accidental hand on my boob triggered such lust that I couldn 't help it . I just had to have a fuck and I had no idea he was a virgin ! I can see the look on his face now when I came on to him , it was sheer terror , not that the fact had registered through my drunken haze , all I saw was a potential shag . How I was going to face him now I had not a clue , but it would have to be done if only for my consciences ' sake . He was a nice guy really , totally unlike the wanker I 'd been going to bed with previously , and I felt guilty for what had happened . So let me start by saying that I 'd had a childhood sweetheart named Bill , who became my first love and eventually my first lover . One of the things that attracted me to him was his complete disregard for my feelings . I know that sounds stupid , but when you 're young and naïve it 's very easy to mistake arrogant selfishness for self confidence , and I regarded him and his swagger with awe . I 've always fancied strong minded men , men who won 't take no for an answer , men who take what they want from life as well as from their women . It 's just that I couldn 't differentiate then between thieves who take what they 're not entitled to , and men who can take what they want because they 've earned it . I 'll let you figure out which camp Bill belonged in , though it took me a long time to realise it . I remember that when I finally reached the age of consent Bill 's seduction technique was to take me into his bedroom and inform me that he was going to make a ' proper woman ' out of me . Foreplay was minimised , discomfort was maximised , and the pleasure was all his . From then on he treated me sexually as a receptacle for his spunk and nothing more . Yes , I admit that I enjoyed sex with Bill some of the time , As I have said , I like a forceful man and I didn 't know any different , and so , having got over the pain of that first time , I soon began to respond to his attentions and orgasmed fairly regularly . I have no doubt now that had he taken the trouble to work on my pleasure a little more I would have orgasmed every time , and often a lot more than once . I don 't think I would ever have known anything different if it wasn 't for a chance encounter in the local supermarket . I was wandering around the aisles , wondering what to buy to eat when I began to notice that a certain man was turning up nearly everywhere I went . He was a guy at least twice my age , with greying temples and a smartly dressed ' company director ' look about him , if you now what I mean . The look he kept giving me was making my legs turn to jelly , it was highly sexually charged but without any obvious come on . A kind of discreet ' I want you and I think you want me ' look . I couldn 't help but give him a sexy little smile just to let him know I understood and agreed . Then , when I looked again , he had gone and both I and my pussy sighed with disappointment . But that was far from the last I saw of him . As I walked from the checkouts to the car park he was waiting just outside the doors and approached me openly . His words were nothing if not direct , but they worked like magic . " I think you and I would be brilliant together in bed . If you agree just follow me . " With that he turned and walked across to a large limo , where he opened the door and held it back for me to enter . I was like someone hypnotised , I followed like a lamb and without a single word passing my lips . I was so horny that I could feel my pussy literally running with juices and my nipples standing up and pressing hard against the inside of my bra . Now , I know that I was being stupid , that I could have been murdered or worse , but his self assurance melted me and I just could not resist . I put my shopping on his back seat , climbed in and waited , with my heart hammering from a mix of nerves and joyous anticipation . Somehow I knew that this was going to be a sublime experience . We went to a local motel where we fucked for five solid hours . He was superb . He initiated everything , positioning me how he wanted me , going from one act of sex to another when he wanted to , and never once did he ask if it was ok . But the big difference between him and Bill was that he thought of my pleasure too . He seemed to know instinctively when something didn 't do it for me and he moved on , and when he saw I really liked a particular act he kept it going . I don 't know how often I came , but it was an eye - opening afternoon and one that turned my conception of sex on its head . I never knew his name but now I knew what true sexual confidence was . When I got home I rang Bill and told him I didn 't want to see him again . He laughed at me and said I 'd soon be around begging , I laughed to myself and knew I wouldn 't . Then I told him to fuck off , and our paths have not crossed since . My only regret was that I had wasted about three years of my active sex life on a jerk . I can actually be quite hard and self willed when the situation warrants it . But I did miss sex with a man and I suppose this was subconsciously an opportunity for revenge on men in general , and that 's why Simon was so abruptly seduced . So you see , Simon and I have more in common that it seems . " Don 't make this hard for me . " I was pleading a bit in case I bottled out . " I 'm apologising for taking advantage of you and for preventing you from saving yourself . " It was at that point that he told me about his early problems with the vindictive girl and the effect it had on his life . Then he told me about how everyone then thought he was either gay or anti - woman because he could never pluck up the courage to try it on with a woman in case they laughed at him . I sat there stunned . I felt so sorry for him , and so angry with the stupid girl . I 'd no idea about any of that and while a part of me felt good at having broken his duck , so to speak , another part of me felt guilty for belonging to the gender that could so thoroughly mess up a mans life out of spite . He finished off his story by telling me that the only thing I needed to apologise for was introducing him to a pleasure he might never enjoy again . " Well , thanks very much for the compliment . I don 't go for any cock that 's available just ' cos I 've had a drink you know . In fact , for your information , yours was only the third cock ever to go up there ! " I was livid , but he was suitably apologetic - I could see it in his face . " Oh . " He stumbled over his words . " Becky , I . . . I don 't know what to say now , except sorry ! I was feeling a bit hard done by . " " Anyway , what 's this ' spoken for ' bit ? I 'm single and very unattached I 'll have you know . " I don 't know why I needed to say that , unless it was to let him know I hadn 't been cheating on anyone . My anger was rapidly receding in the face of his ' little boy sorry ' look . I went on to tell him a bit about my ex , and finished with " See ? I 'm free as a bird " . " Special ? " I snorted , thinking of Bill , and then the penny dropped . " Yes , I was wearing one , but that was only to stop men hitting on me when I 'm out with the girls . A lot of women do that , just like some take their wedding rings off to attract men . " " So have you taken it off now to let men know you 're available ? " For a moment I bridled at the remark and was about to give him a mouthful , but then I realised that the cheeky sod was actually flirting with me . I couldn 't help but smile . " I might be when my hangover has gone ! " Two can play the flirting game . " I couldn 't cope with you right now , and that is a fact ! " His face fell like a stone and I suddenly understood just how fragile his ego was . He hadn 't realised that I was talking about the size of his cock . " Simon . What I said wasn 't having a go at you . It was just a silly remark intended to compliment you on your equipment . " He was still looking lost . " When you fucked me last night I was surprised by how big you are . You 're hung like a bloody mule , any man would be proud of what you have between your legs . I certainly enjoyed it ! " I hadn 't intended to add that last bit , but it was true and it seemed to be what he needed to hear , for his face brightened and he smiled . " So did I . But why , I 'm only ordinary . " Now he was either fishing for compliments , or had no idea what ' ordinary ' was . Much later I found out it was the latter . As his only experience came from watching men in porn films , he thought every guy was made like them . " Oh no , it certainly isn 't ordinary ! If memory serves the average is supposed to be around six and a half inches , and you 're way over that . " My pussy guessed at about nine inches long and wide with it , beautifully long and very thick . His face brightened some more but uncertainty still showed in his eyes . " Are you sure ? I thought it was more . " Why was I letting myself get drawn into a discussion on the size of his penis ? I was no bloody expert . Then I glanced down and saw a bulge in his jeans , the sight sending a sudden tingle through me . He had a hard on , and it was very clearly not average at all . I knew just what he meant . The memory of that fabulous cock inside me last night was having its effect , my breathing was not as in control as it should have been , my eyes couldn 't keep from looking and my pussy couldn 't stop wanting . Somehow I was going to have to find a way to enjoy it again . " Well , while is good and hard , go get a tape measure and drop your jeans . We 'll check just how big you really are . " That came out on a sudden impulse , and I 'm not sure which of us was more surprised , and of course it was really just an excuse to get hold of that cock again . He looked at me blankly until I repeated myself , squirming inside with embarrassment at my own bravado , then he dutifully went and fetched a tape measure and handed it to me . Then he stood and waited expectantly . Looking shocked at the language he automatically unzipped and then , hooking his thumbs into both jeans and boxers , he slid them down to stand naked from the waist down , his clothing pooled around his ankles . " Sit down . " He obeyed that instruction too . Maybe it would , but I thought I 'd like to be sure , so I reached out and took hold of it , softly running my hand up and down its shaft . My fingers rested only gently on his cock as I let them wander from glans to base , sometimes stroking with the pad of my fingertip and sometimes dragging my nails lightly across the sensitive parts . Simon groaned with pleasure , closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair , more interested in the preparations now than the actual measuring . A few minutes stroking and Simon 's cock was ramrod straight and rock hard again , standing proud at full size and ready for the verdict . But even though it was unlikely to get any larger , I just had to try and I slowly lowered myself towards him , opening my mouth wide as I went . I could to take the head into my mouth without too much trouble , but there was no way I could take most of his shaft , so I settled for sucking and licking the head while wanking the rest of his shaft with my hand . Simon groaned louder and settled deeper into his chair . He was going to enjoy this no matter what , I could tell . I suppose I couldn 't blame him after so many years of celibacy . It didn 't take long before Simon 's breathing started to become erratic , so I stopped before it was too late and reached for the tape . I was impressed with the results . He measured eight and a half inches in length and five and a quarter inches in circumference , which is pretty big regardless of what you 're told . Any woman who doesn 't find that to be enough must have a bucket for a cunt . " And is that good ? " He asked , still breathing rather heavily , when I told him what he measured . " Oh , now that 's promising ! " Simon was grinning lewdly . He was beginning to come out of his shell a bit , perhaps there was more to him than met the eye . " Now , where was I ? " I still had my hand wrapped around his shaft , so I pointed his tip back at my face and opened my mouth . This time as it entered I knew I wasn 't going to let it leave until he came in my mouth . I 'd never given Bill a proper blow job . True he 'd cum in my mouth , but it was through him holding my head still and fucking my mouth rather then me working on him . Now I was going to make a man cum my way . Simon leaned back with a groan and let me get on with it ; did he ever want to take an active roll ? This time I wanted to do a good job , so I ran my tongue around his head to liberally coat it with saliva and then used my hand to spread the saliva down his shaft . When the whole thing was wet and shiny and slippery I began to suck him off with long slow nods of my head and long slow strokes with my hand . There was no way I was going to get all of him in my mouth , but I did do quite well , taking a little more each time until I was handling , or is that mouthing , the head of his cock and several inches of his shaft . That was enough and I was gagging a little each time it hit the back of my mouth - I had not yet learned the art of deep throating . Even so , it was a beautiful feeling , and he must have agreed , because his eyes were closed , a little smile hung on his lips and he began a tiny and very gentle up - thrust with his hips to answer my mouth descending his cock , very nice it was too . My free hand had been resting on his thigh , but after a little while I used it to fondle his balls , laying my hand under his scrotum and rolling the contents of his sac back and forth over my fingers . That felt fabulous too , it was as if I was getting a tactile preview of the spunk that would soon be pumped down my throat . I was feeling very , very randy by now and longed to feel him shoot off into my mouth , and that was something that I sensed would not be long . I got more warning this time than I expected , mainly because I felt his balls tighten in my hand as they got ready to fire , and so when he did cum I was able to deal with it . Not that it was easy , he came like a fire hose , pumping spurt after spurt of his lovely thick jizz into my mouth , but I never spilt a drop . To cope I had to pull back just a little to make room , and then swallow as much and as quickly as I could . Even then his flood threatened to overflow through my lips and down my chin on more than one occasion . But it was good , so fucking good . The flavour was somehow more wholesome than Bill 's , as if it was fresher , creamier , and altogether tastier . It was also thicker and there was more of it , a good heavy mouthful of fabulous man cream . I wanted more , and I sucked and milked his cock until I was sure I 'd got every last drop . Simon didn 't try and ram his cock down the back of my throat when he came , as I half expected . Instead he just went rigid in the chair , gripping hard onto the arms , and let out a single long animal like cry . I hoped his neighbours didn 't hear , they couldn 't have been used to that and might have come round to check everything was ok . Report Story byOtazel © 2 comments / 61196 views / 5 favoritesShare the loveTweetReport a BugSubmit bug reportNext2 Pages : 1212GoLogin or Sign UpStoriesPoemsStory SeriesTags PortalChatForumAdult StoreMoviesWebcamsMobile VersionFAQSearchEnglish | Spanish | German | French | Dutch | Other languagesAll contents © Copyright 1998 - 2012 . Literotica is a trademark . No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission . Terms Of Services | Report A Problem | PrivacyUsername : Password : Forgot your password ? Security code : Change pictureYour current user avatar , all sizes : You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation . Select new user avatar : Upload and save
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I 've had it together for these past couple of months since Tag 's birth . I think where most mer mortals would have folded , collapsed at the exhaustion and stress , I excelled . I 've always taken a challenge well and doing this " single mom to an infant plus five other kids half the time " thing was my biggest challenge to date . I 've felt in control of my emotions and very " put together " , but not these last couple of weeks . Somehow I have turned into an emotional wreck every time a love song comes on . I cry , in public sometimes - Sabrina does not cry ! I have no one to answer to , it 's pretty sweet . My kids roll with all my crazy antics : breakfast for dinner , last minute adventures , impromptu dance parties , and we have no one to judge us . No one to question why we spent money on unnecessary things . No one to check in with . No one to judge my kid messy car . No one to kibosh any stupid ( yet fun ! ) ideas we have . We like it . If I did have any free time a man is not what I would want to spend it on . I would rather spend more time with my kids , read more , run , go on adventures , write , maybe make that " money " thing everyone speaks of . So much to do , dating is not even close to the table … So why the sadness as of late ? I think I 'll chalk it up to my hormones being a mess post birth . Maybe exhaustion has finally built up enough and I can no longer ignore it . Or maybe it 's just normal ? Maybe it 's normal to be sad you don 't have something everyone else ( ok not everyone ) has but not really want it in the end ? Nah , it 's just hormones , I 'll take an extra placenta pill and call it a day . Tajh and Tea go to and awesome school and last years one drop off / pick up with pretty nice . This year Tay is going to the school of his dreams ( seriously he is expected to climb trees and plays in the desert ) which adds anything drive into the mix . Luckily his school is close to the big two . Unluckily the drop off is an hour apart ( pick up is perfect for Littles to nap which is pretty nice ) so creative we must become with our in - between time . Well … it hasn 't been too hard … We are lucky and have multiple trail heads a short drive from Big 2 's school . Every day the 3 Little Littles and I drive somewhere and head out for a " run " . Hats , water bottles , games , exploring , whatever it takes we " usually " get almost a mile in with some " upness " involved . Not only do with run , Oh and you get caught with markers in your room at times . Its ok calmly explain how you were out for a run and got attacked by wolves . My can 't get made about all the " blood " … Tenny is 4 . She is adorable , funny , a pain in the ass , and full of energy . She loves running but gymnastics is definitely her thing . This tiny little body is packed with muscle … . but she is only 4 … Spending time in colorado she spent a lot of time on her feet . The largest hike being nearly 4 miles with just under 3 , 000 of elevation gain ( Island Lake ) . After hiking up , she slept on my back majority of the way down . Although she is clearly tough , the idea of taking a 4 - year - old on an all day hike ( oh yeah and 4 other children ) alone is somewhat frightening . Apparently I like watching my life flash before my eyes … When + 1 said he had work to do in Flagstaff I said " great we will join you ! I want to take the kids up Humphreys myself " . I 'm pretty sure to anyone that just sounds stupid . 5 kids , age 11 - 3 , almost 5 miles and over 3 , 000 feet of climbing , sound like a good time ? Getting ready for an all day trek with everyone is stressful in itself . We rolled up the the parking lot and they all ran off to play . I did my best to round them up for sunscreen and to throw some packs on the big ones . Tenny was stoked to hike and took off in a sprint , which resulted in a potty break before we could even hit the trees " I have to pee now Mommy ! " She almost got off the trail … The first half hour she ran , a lot . Girl was excited to be on her own two feet . By an hour in it was snack time , eat and hike peeps we gotta keep moving . * Note - I do not have a lot of pictures . My phone is super ghetto and the battery does not last long anymore . Even on airplane mode trying to save the battery for as long as possibly , I was nervous I wouldn 't be able to get a picture at the top if I wasn 't careful . Sorry … So we snacked every half an hour or so and they kept moving . They love to play together while hiking and their was some sort of Pokemon / horse game going on . I was happy they didn 't need me at this point as Tru was in the worst mood ever ! My Little hiking buddy needed a nap and was not having it for some reason . . ugh … there may have been threats of bear attacks if he continued to scream which did cause them to subside enough for him to fall asleep for a while . Pokemon / horse continued on . I missed a turn . I know I suck . So we scrambled up . Teagan continued to question me and all I responded was " up " . We trudged on with Tajh behind Tenny to keep her from sliding down . Eventually we found the trail , hit the saddle , and into the rocks larger then Tenny . " Tajh just push her butt up " I commanded after watching him try and have her step on his hand , which took forever . " This is awkward … " because he is 11 and everything is awkward . At no point have we rested at all , I knew we didn 't have time in the day for that . We did though move off the trail if anyone was coming toward us . One of these times Tenny took the opportunity to lay down on a large rock " I just want to go to bed Mommy " , " Yes hunny , me too , lets go " . On we went . If was windy and cold up top and holding hands was necessary to help the Little Lady up the steps larger then she . No one was complaining , other then about being cold . I sent the Bigs ahead as soon as we saw the summit , and not gonna lie , I got pretty darn excited hiking up with Tenny . We sat and she ate her peanut butter cup ( yup just one ) . The Big 's and I discussed letting her take a nap , but at this point it was pretty late . After a 30 minute rest we started down the mountain again . They discussed how heading straight down the scree would be much fast " see mommy then we just head through the trees to the car " . Sigh … That 's a no . Having left without our sandwiches we had only snacks all day , everyone was starving . We daydreamed about pizza , all of us , and hiked . The horse game came back ( no pokemon this time ) and Tenny fell , " That was ( insert horses name ) 's fault . I 'm ok " . Although none of them ever had imaginary friends , they really commit when playing in the mountains . We finished with only pizza on our minds , 4 1 / 2 hours after leaving the summit ( down is hard when you are super short ) . Tenny was asleep within 2 minutes of driving but woke in time to eat . They probably all passed right out at bedtime you assume ? Of course not ! They would not go to sleep ! Does anything exhaust my Littles ? I 've yet to find it ! When asked what he favorite part of the day was Tenny responded " seeing the top " , yup , that 's my girl . All my Littles continue to amazing me . I 'm one proud Momma . Posted on June 25 , 2014 by sevenwildandfree Did someone say epic ? Oh yeah , that 's how we roll . A journey with 5 kids into the unknown ? Yes please . Even better , let someone tell me there is " lots of snow up there " and apparently I decide it 's an even better idea . With + 1 at the lead I strapped Tru on my back and headed to Island Lake . Now we have done part of this journey before . Last year we drove to the parking lot at the end of South Mineral campground and headed up Ice Lake trail . To head to Island Lake you take a turn at some point , that 's all I knew . Last year I was in shape , this year I haven 't done anything in a nearly a month , I knew this was going to hurt , at least a little . The first hour was a nice hike . Upness was there , but everyone was moving pretty well with Tenny moving at " 4 - year - old who randomly gets boosts of energy to catch her siblings " pace . River crossings were met with helping hands from siblings , and Tru took his first nap of the day . I 'm pretty sure this kid only likes hiking for the naps ! I figured snack after an hour and then maybe another within the next half hour , they had other plans . These kids were hungry ! So they ate and hiked and Little Miss Tenny got a second wind , even if it only lasted a little while . Now about snow , I don 't like it . I am not a fan of being cold . So we hit some snow fields , and some more , and some sketchier ones . I spent a lot of time asking the kids to watch their feet and asking ( re - asking ) + 1 if it was safe . Tenny does not like having cold and which did lead to some freak outs EVERY time she fell … which was a lot . Luckily + 1 did help her through some of the extra crazy spots . And then we saw it : The amazing blue of the water could been seen through the ice layer , which the kids promptly began throwing rocks at . What kid doesn 't want to watch ice break ? We had lunch , threw more rocks , and laid our shoes and socks out to dry . And then got attacked by marmots - The snow fields on the way drown were beyond sketchy . Sadly my phone died ( then came back to life further down the mountain ) so I wasn 't able to get any of the epic shots on + 1 skiing on his feet down crazy snow fields at 12 , 000 feet or my Littles getting cold butts as they sledding ( sans sled ) down . We will have to head back and make it happen . Tenny napped on my back ( girl deserved the break ! ) , Tru on + 1 's ( so thankful to have another adult for this trek ) and we all made is safely back down . In case you are keeping track , My 4 - YEAR - OLD hiked for 3 1 / 2 hours over 4 miles up with nearly 3 , 000 elevation gain . Yup , she is bad ass . All in all it was nearly an 8 hour day and so worth it ! If only for the marmot eating Tay 's pee off the ground story … And let me say , my Little people who have been fighting and struggling to be friends the last few months were AMAZING the entire 8 hours . Helpful to one another and kinder then I could ever ask for . Thank you nature ! Oh yes , and my adorable pollen nose little buddy . Best hiking friend ever ! Anytime I fall and give a " shit " under my breath I 'm met with " ok mommy ? " . Love him ! Posted on June 22 , 2014 by sevenwildandfree It 's Silverton time baby ! Headed up a little late Friday with all the Little People . Van pack full of food , breakfast in their snack bins , and no real plan in mind . Decided to keep it simple this trip and not think too much , if you know me , that 's a clear lie . I will say my planning sucked for this trip . Nearly everything I have for the kids I have bought myself in the last 6 months . I like matching shirts ( so I can find them easier if they are lost ) , comfy clothes , basically whatever it takes to keep things as simple as possible . Yet , I found myself with nothing , and a whole lot of shopping to do . With drama always on my door step , getting out of town took longer then I wanted . So we drove , FINALLY , the 6 of us . We stopped when we wanted , snacked when we wanted . Other then a little more whinning then I would have like , it went well ! And then they saw Silverton : They talked about how much they love small towns and they ran around on the playground and all came back out of breathe ! Oh , a Hardrock loving Mothers dream . They were all so happy to be " home " . We headed off in the mountains to sleep . It was too late for me to care to put up a tent , van it was . Tru laid on me for a while and was nice enough to inform me " no poop Mommy , no poop " . Thanks Buddy , glad you don 't plan on pooping on me tonight . Everyone found their " spot " and sleep came . The morning was my favorite : Posted on June 22 , 2014 by sevenwildandfree I do not believe in allowance , I never have . When I was growing up we didn 't have much money . My mom worked hard to be sure we had the things we wanted . Did I get every new toy I wanted ? Hell no . Did I get the newest fancy clothes ? Nope . But when it came to things that were good for me ( activities , classes ) , I had them . My family owned a business and I began working from a young age . at 15 I had 2 jobs over the summer , one being full time . I was always working hard because no one was ever going to hand me anything . My kids have always grown up being a part of the household . If I ask you to sweep , pick up someone elses ' mess , wash the dishes , anything , you do it . I have always been met with a " yes mommy " because we are a family . You eat here , have a roof over your head , toys , clothes , everything you need , so you participate . I do the majority of the work , but you must be willing to help when I need it . Divorce sucks . When you have been the " on call " parent your children 's entire life , you have done a lot of research and come up with a pretty concise parenting plan . And then the game changes on you … . All of the sudden kids are given an allowance , not taught to save and instead buy toys that would to totally be off - limits with your parenting , and food choices seem like Halloween at all times … . ugh … Learning to parent through this is far from easy . I refuse to change my values , the values they are grown up with , but of course they wish I would . They are little , you can not expect them to understand " because its good for you " . So alas my helpers are harder to deal with . There is always push back , asking to be paid , expecting things that were normally held as " treats " . Does this anger me ? absolutely . I wish they could hold on to the values I have instilled in them . But , that 's not the case . Now I must learn to hold my emotions . I must learn everything will take a little longer . Nothing will be as simple as it once was . Posted on May 24 , 2014 by sevenwildandfree I love baby wearing . Even before I knew what is what , before I gave birth to Tajh , a stroller seemed crazy to me . Why push my little person in a giant wheeled contraption when I am perfectly capable of holding them ? I really didn 't like extra " stuff " of any kind … ( shhhh I did use a stroller a little … live and learn ) So I bought a ghetto front pack and made it work . Was it perfect ? Hell no . It did allow me to have Tajh close and get shit done . Win . With Tea I gained a wonderful Mommy friend that helped pull me into the endless beautiful options baby wearing has to offer . I mean , I had a pouch , but that wasn 't even scratching the surface . So I became obsessed ( shocker , I 'm an extremist ! ) . I research and bought 2 of everything , almost . I loved my endless world of possibilities . I even loved kicking it with super militant breastfeeding / babywearing extremists at time ! ( It was pretty entertaining ) Recently I was talking to my favorite ( and possibly only , unimportant , still favorite ) French Canadian friend about life and something like it . We spoke about the Copper Canyons ( Ultrarunning peeps , Mas Locos , Copper Canyon Ultra Marathon Caballo Blanco stuff . Born To Run ? If you don 't get it , no worries , doesn 't change the story ) . I told him how in love with traditional carriers I was and how a Rebozo is one of the carriers I have never had , sad face . He told me he had one and would give it to me , YAY ! In the wee hours of the morning as he was about to start a 50k ( ultra runner talk ) , he saw me and yelled " i have something for you ! " , ran back to El Capitan ( his vehicle / home ) and pulled out the most beautiful piece of fabric I have ever seen . Seriously , I am one HAPPY Lady . Thank you again Frenchy ! Here I sat tonight wondering what to do with myself , well , carrier photo shoot of course ! So here are a few of my favorite ( or not so favorite ) baby tying devices . ( I don 't have that old front pack to share , thank goodness ) Here 's where I will tell another little story . So I have a friend from Sierra Leone , of course I asked her about the traditional baby wearing . She was happy to share with me , I just needed to bring a towel to practice . Yup , that simple , a rectangle of fabric . Being as wonderful as she is , she brought me some fabric her husband had brought back from Ghana , much prettier than a towel 🙂 Posted on May 7 , 2014 by sevenwildandfree As a mom you spend a lot of time talking to little people who can 't talk back to you . You talk to yourself everywhere you go . Social interaction with other adults becomes awkward almost . You can go to baby classes , mommy and me class and make friends , but all those " before kids " friends have a hard time understanding why you don 't text back . Why you cancel plans at the last - minute . Why all around it seems like you are distracted and no longer cool . I struggled to make mommy friends . As a young mom doing things differently ( attachment parenting , babywearing , cloth diapering ) I was confusing to other mothers . It 's that " well she must be judging me for my choices " mentality . I made a really amazing friend ( we met on babycenter which neither of us are willing to admit ) when Tea and her daughter were 6 months . I met another wonderful mom friend when Tajh was in preschool . I met another beautiful friend when Tajh was in first grade ( despite the fact that she refused to tell me what her husband did for a really long time . Apparently she thought I wouldnt be ok with a youth pastors with ! I still love her ! ) . My Lala , my bestie , I met when Tea was in kindergarten with her son . Otherwise is was hit and miss … When Tajh was in kindergarten a crazy mom ( legit she was crazy ) organized a park day . Despite the fact that she was crazy and I can be completely awkward in social situations I went . The park days continued and turned into a core group of ladies ( crazy lady left ) . Our children went lord of the flies ( every boy with his shirt off , and one little lady who is pretty awesome ditched her top too ) . After school each Tuesday our kids ran , played , did whatever they wanted , while us ladies talked . We shared our lives , it was my world . I looked forward to those Tuesday 's at the park when my life was in chaos . From kindergarten through 3rd grade these ladies were my peeps . When we moved school this stopped . All our little people where getting older and things were slightly fizzling out as it was . But now it ended … These moms and I had shared years together , not only with our kids , but also on drunken moms night outs . For a year I missed them … . . When the chaos started in my life again ( ie nowhere to live ) I knew who I needed to call . I knew who I needed to see and talk to to feel like I had a chance of getting my act together . I called a Tuesday park day , and they showed up ! We talked , caught up , and sent our children off to play . How beautiful is that ? These ladies were there for me ! Time didn 't matter , when I needed them they showed up . I can not even begin to explain how wonderful life is when you find a core group of Mommies to hang out with . People without judgment , that share similar experiences , that love you despite time and space . Posted on May 6 , 2014 by sevenwildandfree I don 't know how single moms do it . I never truly thought of how hard it would be to be " on my own " . Yes I have five kids , but I can imagine even with one things aren 't easy . My 6 biggest gripes of being a single Momma ( these can totally apply to single Dads too ! ) - That moment when you wake up and realize there is nothing for breakfast so you run to the store super quick before the kids get up ? Yeah , single moms don 't have that . There is no " oops I 'm out of flour ! " moment , you have to plan ahead . I don 't have the option to make a quick store run , if I 'm out of something we are all hoping in the car . Luckily I do have a 11 - year - old that I trust and send into the store for a couple of items at times . But on the whole , I have to be sure I 'm super prepared . Some days are rough . Some days you just want someone to read to the kids while you clean up after dinner . Some days you just want someone to watch the kids while you go out for a run . There is no " break " until the kids are in bed . Yes I have days that are totally " free " , but what that means is when I am with the kids I 'm 100 % there . No break , no help , all me . Yes , it is exhausting . What should we do today ? What should the budget look like ? What should we eat for dinner ? Look , I 'm terrible at making decisions . I like to come up with ideas and run them by someone else . When you are single , there isn 't anyone to take on this job . You can outsource to friends , family , but it 's not the same as having someone else in the home . It is nice to have someone to collaborate with . We were hanging out at Zane Grey watching all the runners and it was cold , snowing cold . We played a bit then they all wanted to get in the van to warm up , perfect , they are contained ! I starting hearing that all to familiar " Moooooommy " call … Yay . Come to find Tru has vomited in the van , on himself and Tenny . So now I 'm cleaning vomit , alone . Sometimes it nice to have those extra hands to help , or someone who can take over . When you 're a single mom it 's all you , yuck . No one to sit down with at the end of the day and just talk - At some point you realize you are actually alone . They are all in bed , and it 's just you . No one to listen to " war stories " from the day : Tru threw a fit , Tenny got paint all over the floor , and I cleaned up poop off the wall ( True story ) . No one to tell all the funny , cute , awesome things the kids did during the day to … The silence when they kids are in bed is almost haunting . In the end these are all " doable " . My Littles are pretty amazing and our little life together is starting to come together . The reality is being a single parent is hard . Having a partner to share the good , bad , and ugly with makes life easier in many ways ( and harder in others too ! ) . Even if your partner sucks , sometimes just having another body in the home can be beneficial . I 'm slowly figuring this all out and getting use to taking care of the vomitty situations ( I don 't do vomit well … ) . There are plenty of benefits to being a single Mom as well ! I mean , not having to shower until your friends decide to call you out for your stinkyness is pretty sweet … . Posted on May 2 , 2014 by sevenwildandfree On the drive to school today I opened up a discussion on kindness . That word use to be huge in my home . With foster children coming and going I was constantly repeating myself , " remember sometimes people are mean because they are sad inside " . I bought every book I could find on the subject and read them to the Littles often . My favorite " Have you Filled Your Bucket Today " became a staple in the house . The children knew to not take others anger as a personal attack and instead to try to understand why someone else would behave that way . They were usually kind to each other ( usually ) and would work situations out among themselves . That kindness is long gone … They now fight often . They speak rudely to each other as well as to me . They scream , take things away from each other , and overall just aren 't kind . And with that I 'm crushed . Duh that 's why they aren 't kind . Obviously , it 's what I always taught them … Being kind when you are sad in your heart is difficult . Give those people space , try to help when you can , never be mean in response . Well , again I fail . I have been punishing them for their unkindness , sadness . I don 't take them to do fun things when they are all being especially unkind . I don 't take them to the park if the day is going terribly . I send them all to separate areas and have them read quietly . I take away toys and books . I , in response to their lack of kindness / sadness ( Tea pointed out ) , am not kind in return . Now I sit here researching . Trying to remember all my old " go - to " resources so I can help my Littles . So I can help myself to understand and respect what they are going through . Amazon will be getting a lot of business today as I don 't have any of my old books . I need to remember that maybe when they are being terrible and mean , they need that bonding time . They need to do an activity together , play together , adventure together . I use to know all this … but sometimes you get lost in the chaos . Sometimes the screaming it too much . Sometimes your own kindness gets lost in the mess .
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I refresh my iPhone to see what 's going on in my hotel room . The girl is still on the bed . She 's pulled her knees up towards her chin as much as she can . I can see that her breathing is labored . I sip my coffee and watch as she undergoes another orgasm , her body shuddering , her legs stretching back out , her mouth open in a soundless scream . I silently count to ten , ticking off three lesser tremors … these aftershocks are smaller orgasms that continue to rock her . She 'd been at four before as I 'd finished up my meal . Once she gets down to two I 'll head back to the hotel to release her . Forty minutes ago I left her alone in my hotel room . A half hour prior to that I was letting her in the door . During the interim I placed her collar around her neck . She stripped down and I bound her with a combination of plastic wrap and duct tape . Once secured , I introduced her to a rather nasty - looking knife . Ten inches long with a serrated blade . It looked like it could gut a bear , much less a petite twenty - seven year old brunette wrapped up like a sausage on a hotel room bed . Behind her gag she began to plead , her eyes ( not yet blindfolded ) wide . I put the knife against her thigh , letting the cold steel warm against her before moving it directly between her legs . She screamed , muffled but still louder than I 'd have liked . With the flick of my wrist , the knife sliced , opening a slit in the plastic wrap just above her pussy . The cool air hit her hot skin , making her think that I had cut her . She narrowed her eyes as I brought up the blade , showing her the lack of blood . I sheathed the blade and placed it back in my bag , coming back with a five inch long white tube . I slid this into her . It went in easily as she was already slick with excitement . Before it disappeared completely , I gave it a twist at the base , causing it to vibrate . The noise of it was soon muffled as I pushed it deep into her . Her eyes rolled to white . I placed a blindfold over her eyes . It had two flaps that covered her ears as well . Though not as effective as the leather hood I often used upon her , it did a terrific job of blocking out all light and sound , encasing her in a dark silence . The first few times we played together I would stay in the room while she was like this . I 'd watch her go through the flood of orgasms that wracked her little body . I had to build a level of trust with her that she wasn 't going to injure herself by accident ( or on purpose ) while cocooned and cumming . The first time I set up a webcam and watched her from the lobby of the hotel , I almost thought that she was having some kind of an attack . Her body jumped as if had undergone electroshock therapy . She was a fish on a hook . Tonight was the first night I told her about the webcam that I had been using . I showed it to her just before I slipped the blindfold on . I wasn 't sure if this would enhance her experience or damper it . Though she 's something of an exhibitionist , the feelings she experiences while bound have been far more intense once I abandoned her . Looking at my monitor , I was pretty sure she enjoyed putting on a show for me . The next time I would tell her that I shared the URL for the webcam with a few friends . Either I really will or I won 't , but she 'll never know just how many eyes are on her as she orgasms for an hour . Another cup of coffee and she 's down to two petite morts . I leave the money for the check and tip , giving extra for how attentive the waitress has been . I fantasize about she would say or do if I showed her the girl on my iPhone and told her that I 'm going back to room 214 at the Sheraton next door . Would she like to join me ? As I get closer to her I can start to hear the faint hum of the vibrator inside her . Its pitched lower , the batteries running down . I stand and admire her ; her proud breasts pressed flat like strawberry - adorned pancakes under plastic , her hair soaked with sweat , her nostrils flaring as she tries to catch her breath . I unsnap the strap that holds the gag in her mouth . I remove it , strings of saliva trailing behind it . She takes great gulps of the cool air . Reaching between her legs , I remove the duct tape , thankful for her bare pussy . The tape barely holds , its sticking power diminished by her wetness . I stick two fingers in her and they slide in easily . She 's sopping . She shudders when I remove the spent vibrator . Is she grateful or sad that it 's gone ? I drop my pants and use her mouth , fucking her face . She gags repeatedly and I ignore it , my fingers sunk into the plastic over her breasts for purchase as I pull her fast against me , the breath from her nose hot against my balls . She slurps and sucks as I slam deep into her mouth . I see her fingers spread out under the plastic wrap . She 's so constricted that she can 't even make a fist . With her blindfold still in place - tears streaming out from under it - my cock is the only outside stimulus she has . My scent fills her nostrils , my meat her mouth and mind . There is only me and nothing else for her right now . She struggles to please me . The first few drops of cum hit her throat and she spasms again , screaming around my cock as she orgasms without even being touched . I fill her with my spunk , shooting it into her gullet . I feel her muscles milking me of every drop . She won 't stop sucking me until I finally slide my cock out of her mouth . Thick ropes of saliva and spunk trail from her mouth to my cock . As a final bit of humiliation , I clean my softening sex off on her hair . She coughs and swallows hard a few time , trying to readjust herself to emptiness . After I re - dress I retrieve my knife and slide the blade along her side . Her body is so hot , encased in the plastic , the she shudders at the icy blade . I remove her blindfold to allow her to see the knife before I sink it into the space between her breasts . I cut away her cocoon quickly . The cool air hits her and she begins to shiver . I 've got towels at the ready to wipe her dry and wrap her in something more forgiving . We 'll stay this way for a while . It may be minutes , it may be hours . It lasts until she hoarsely asks permission to get up . When she does , I 'll allow it , take off her collar and let her clean herself up . She 'll shower , dress , and say her goodbyes . And , like me , she 'll count the minutes until we see each other again . I looked into his eyes and could see the fear and fascination there . I looked familiar to him but just as equally foreign . He turned his head to the side to get a better look . He lifted his chin , looking down his nose . I did the same . It was hard not to . Me . I 'm that girl . I 've been with him all of his life . He 's caught glimpses out of the corner of his eye , as if I were standing behind him , just out of sight , but he hasn 't looked me in the eyes . . . until now . I 'm Wendy . He 's Michael . He used to call the shots , keeping me trapped in a well deep inside of him until Dr . Herzog helped me escape . Since then I 've been making my presence known more and more in Michael 's life . I come out fully when she puts him into a hypnotic trance , yes , but there are other ways I make my presence known . If he realized it , Michael would see that he holds his drinks with his pinky extended daintily . He 'd hear that his voice has gone up a bit in its pitch . And he 'd realize that his mouth waters a little bit whenever he sees an attractive man . I 'll admit it . I 'm a cockslut . I 've got a voracious appetite for it . Every time the phone rings at Michael 's place , I get a little shiver down my spine , hoping that it 'll be Dr . Herzog on the other end of the line giving him his trigger word to release me from my masculine bonds . When this happens , it 's Michael that fades into the background while I step into the spotlight . I feel like a star . I 'm the center of attention at the Herzogs when I go to their place . There are times , like this , where Michael is given the chance to confront me . To see himself for what he should be . Tonight Dr . Herzog invited me out and let Michael see me . It was time that he and I had a little chat . The more he tries to deny that I exist , the more difficult it 's become for me to come out , despite all of the hypnotic conditioning Dr . Herzog has put in place for my ease of entry into the world . " I . . . I don 't want you around . You 're ruining my life ! " he shouted . I noticed that he avoided any sibilant sounds . I 'd gotten him lisping ever so slightly like Cindy Brady . He knew this because I knew this . " Am I really ? Is that what you think ? You 've seen the world through my eyes and lived it the way I want to live . Isn 't that better ? Haven 't you had fun ? Hasn 't it been super ? " I just had to add that last part to give him a good sissy lisp . " Oh , don 't be coy . Don 't try to tell me that you don 't enjoy that . I 've been with you all your life . I know everything you 've ever thought and all of your fantasies . I 've been there as you 've jacked off thinking of the jock who saw you naked at the gym . I 've felt you get hard while watching porn , not because of the women but because of the men . I 'm simply doing all of the things you 've always wanted to do but never would . " Normally I 'd be concerned if a patient of mine were having such a heated conversation with themselves while staring in a mirror . Yet , this is exactly how I knew this would happen . I had found Wendy inside of Michael during an early hypnosis session . I could picture her as a little girl , a lost urchin starving and shaking from fear hidden amongst trappings of macho bullshit that Michael had piled on over the years , trying to keep Wendy repressed . I found the little girl and helped raise her , so to speak . I knew that her presence was the key to Michael 's personality and so many of the issues he couldn 't resolve . How could he ? He was denying himself - - much like he was dong now . Tonight I hoped to resolve some of the conflict between the masculine and feminine sides of Michael 's personality and allow the feminine to win . I was sissifying him , giving Wendy the upper hand . I didn 't want to eradicate Michael from existence , rather , I wanted to torment him with his own desires . Wendy embodied those painfully frightening feelings and she was my greatest ally in this process . " Wendy , perhaps you should show Michael just exactly what he needs , " I chimed in . I could tell that they were at an impasse and I hoped this tilted the scales . My powers of persuasion and hypnosis could only go so far , even with the farther - reaching hypnotic triggers that had been set up by his Aunt when he was a boy . She was the person who kept Wendy alive through Michael 's sexual awakening and initial subjugation but her training of Michael ceased when she had to move to the West Coast , leaving him adrift . I heard the pleasantly familiar buzz from Dr . Herzog 's intercom , letting her husband , Charles , know that his services were needed . Or , rather , that he was needed to be serviced . I 've only had a few dozen men with which to compare him , but Charles was my most favorite . I love the way he makes me feel . If anything , I think I have gotten a little crush on him . I hope Dr . Herzog doesn 't mind . I closed my eyes and thought of all the men that the Herzogs had introduced me to . The wonderful feelings that they gave me and how they satisfied the cravings that I had had for my entire life . I heard their moans mixed with mine . I felt the physical feelings , yes - - the hard heat in my mouth and pussy - - but also the satisfaction of pleasing . Into my hand I felt the hot hardness that I loved so much . It was like touching an electric fence . The world stopped and a jolt traveled through my body . I opened my eyes to see Charles standing in front of me , towering over me , his hand over mine , over his erection . I could feel Charles 's pulse pounding through his sex . My mouth was watering and I felt my clit get hard in my panties . Moreover , I could feel Michael 's resolve weakening . He wanted Charles 's cock . He needed this because I did . I sank now to my knees . Hesitant , shaky , but down I went . I trailed my hand over Charles 's sex , tracing the ridge around the head of his massive cock . I heard a groan , looked to Charles , and realized it wasn 't him making the noise . It was coming from my mouth . . . it was Michael groaning , feeling the desire that burned inside of me . . . of us . Normally , I 'd have had my lips wrapped around Charles by now but I wanted to take it slow and easy to let Michael realize just how wonderful servicing a man could be ; how marvelous a cock is . I could feel my mouth watering as my fingers played across the ridged surface , feeling the velvet soft mushroom head , running a finger down along the underside of his tool to the base . I leaned forward and took in the strong heady scent of manhood . It was intoxicating . My eyes closed as I moved closer , my mouth opening . Then I stopped and forced my eyes open . I wanted Michael to see everything , experience it all . I looked at him in the mirror with his own Charles there , cock standing at attention in his hands . As I leaned forward , so did he . Our eyes were locked as we licked the tip of Charles 's cock , tasting the salty sourness of man . And with that , we took Charles into our mouth , feeling the bulbous head roll over our lips and onto our tongue . The soft hardness filling our eager mouths . We heard him moan and felt the satisfaction that comes with pleasing . This made us move our heads further onto him . " This is what you were born to do , " I told him . " You were made for making men happy . You were born to suck cock . " With that , I leaned in even closer , taking Charles as deep as I could without gagging . A few faint wisps of his pubic hair tickled my nose . Without warning , however , I felt my head moving quicker . It wasn 't me doing this . It was Michael . I smiled inwardly and knew that we had just made a breakthrough . A low moan came from deep within as Michael took Charles deeper than I had felt comfortable going before . The hunger had him . He needed to feel more , to know what it meant to feel that emptiness filled . Our throat worked , swallowing Charles as deeply as we could . Usually I can tell when Charles is climaxing from the forceful way he fucks my face , pumping as deep as he can . But perhaps something about Michael 's mouth was different for Charles simply let out another low , guttural moan before unleashing a flood into our mouth . This was Michael 's first taste of cum and swallowed it down with demanding thirst . She smiled and told me that when I wasn 't called forth from Michael 's subconscious that I would be much more present in his life . More than fleeting effeminate gestures , he would feel far more like the girl he truly is . I would be calling more of the shots . He would feel my hunger and be a cockslut . He would be this way because I am this way . Anne had been under his thumb for two months . She hated every minute of it , especially when he pawed at her , telling her how lucky she was to have him for a brother - in - law . Her heart broke every time she saw her sister , knowing what a louse she was married to , recalling his grunts as he thrusted inside of her , feeling his beads of sweat landing on her back as he sodomized her time and again . He made a point to call her every day , wearing her down , making her talk dirty to him as he masturbated on the other end of the phone . He bent her over the sink in his family bathroom during their Easter gathering , raping her ass while the kids hunted for colored eggs outside . And now he was giving her instructions on how she needed to dress and act for the upcoming family reunion . At the gathering , she catches him several times eying her lasciviously and this makes her heart jump . What it someone else sees the same thing ? Is he really being that careful ? There 's already far too much drama in this family , she thinks , crossing her arms over her chest and holding her shoulders as if a chill has come over her . She 's alone in the kitchen , making herself a drink , when his arms wrap around her waist . She 's startled and thinks that it 's her husband until she feels him grind his cock into her ass . " Hello , slut , " he whispers in her ear . She goes to him . He points to the floor and she gets down on her knees . He leans back , hands on the bedspread behind him , propping him up . She knew what she has to do . She undoes his belt and pants button , lowering his zipper and opening the front of his pants . He 's already hard , his cock straining against the front of his boxers . She gingerly fishes him out of his underwear before taking him into her mouth . He groans , swearing under his breath . " Oh , how I love that sweet little mouth . I want you to come downtown to my extra place this week . Wednesday evening . I 'm going to have a couple of friends try you out . " " I told you before ; you 're mine . You 'll do what I want with whoever I want . Of course , they won 't touch your pussy . That still belongs to your dear husband . But everything else is mine , isn 't it ? " " Yes , sir , " she says , her heart pounding . She looks at his cock , slick with her spit , and tries to stomach putting it back in her mouth but she 's too distracted . " I can 't believe you 're going strange men men fuck me . " " Men ? I said ' friends ' . They 're a couple . A man and a woman . I think he 's going to enjoy reaming you out while you lick his wife 's pussy . " " You will , and you 'd better do a good job . These are important business associates of mine . Now , cut the chatter . Strip and get up on the bed . " She does as he said , climbing naked onto the bed , her knees spread . She knows how he likes her to be . She feels his weight move the mattress behind her . Without warning , she feels his finger enter into her asshole , rough and sudden . She nearly shrieks , biting her lower lip from doing so and raising alarm in the house . One finger become two . She 's invaded , powerless , and then she experiences a new sensation . The head of his cock pushes against her asshole . " Show me how much you want it , " he says , " Push back against me . Fuck yourself with my cock . " Once he 's inside her , he 's anything but gentle . He takes hold of her long , brunette hair , keeping her on him . She feels him getting larger inside her . He begins increasing the rhythm , feeling her ass grasping him , and he smiles . He listens to her breathing , short quick gasps . He fucks her in time with her breathing , loving being inside of her and knowing that he 's bending her will to his . He reaches under her and finds her clitoris , swollen and wanting . As he brushes it with his fingertips , Anne lets out an exquisite squeal . He feels her tighten around him even more . Anne moves in time with him as to keep the feelings flowing from her clit , allowing him to guide her by her hair . " Get dressed and put yourself back together , " he tells her . " Leave my cum inside of you . I want you to think about this for the rest of the day and feel me leaking out of you . " The best of this week 's blogs by the bloggers who blog them . Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants . Want in Sugasm # 164 ? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form . Participants , repost the link list within a week and you 're all set . I 'm bound ( not really ) and determined ( really ) to have some fun . I 've got a free Sunday and full free weekend coming up at the end of April / beginning of May . I haven 't played in months and am hoping to experience some interesting things . All work and no play make the Porno Person a very dull boy . My friend , Ann , is in her mid - forties and has two grown children . Despite her age , she loves to get together with me on occasion and pretend that she 's a little girl . Not too little - - she 's not in diapers - - but she definitely likes to pretend that she 's below the age of consent . She was afraid to tell me that she enjoys this as it 's commonly thought that those who enjoy this kind of play are pedophiles . Ageplay to be a great release for people who enjoy roleplaying , being innocent , and relatively powerless . Plus , there 's something quite delicious about the taboo especially when ageplay meets familyplay . Ann is my " little girl . " She calls me " Daddy " and I call her " girl . " She often puts her hair in pig tails and wears a schoolgirl outfit . Most often we play at the seduction . . . Daddy coming home from work and punishing his little girl for a call he got from her teacher or principal . I take her over my knee and give her a spanking , telling her that she needs to be good . Doesn 't she want to be good for Daddy ? Doesn 't she want to be Daddy 's good girl ? " Oh , yes , Daddy . I want to be good for you ! Let me be your good girl ! " she pleads , her white cotton panties down around her knees , my hands perilously close to her sex . She 's squirming on my lap , grinding against my cock while I admire the red patterns my hands made across her bottom . " If you really want to be my good girl then you 'll do something for me . Something that Mommy won 't do . But it has to be our secret . " Her eyes get comically big , looking up at me with tears rimming her eyes . " Oh , yes , Daddy . Anything ! I won 't tell ! " I tell her to get on the floor . She starts to pull up her panties but I have her leave them down . She gets between my legs and I look down to see the swell of her pussy , full and open like a flower in the morning , faint traces of her dew around the tendrils of her pubic hair . Putting my hand on her chin I say , " Daddy needs help with a problem he has . He gets these pains and the only thing that can help him is if Mommy kisses him in a certain way . But she won 't do it . Won 't you help Daddy feel better ? " " Good girl , " I say , leaning back and undoing my buckle . I undo the button of my pants and lower my zipper . My cock is straining to be free and she sees the bulge of me stressing the front panel of my whitey tighties , now dappled with pre - cum . She needs me to tell her what to do . She 's acting innocent so I say , " That 's good , honey . Now , lick it , like an ice cream cone . " Her kisses change to little laps as she runs the tip of her tongue over me , paying special attention to the underside of the head , knowing this drives me wild . She flicks , making my leg jump . " Slow down , honey . Now just put it in your mouth a bit . " I feel her tongue working , sliding up and down along the underside of my cock while she suckles me with her lips . I take her right hand off of my thigh and wrap it around my cock . " Hold it tight , baby girl , and rub up and down . " She does this obediently and moans . " It feels so nice , Daddy . It 's so warm and it makes my mouth tingle . Am I doing it right ? " " Yes , honey . You 're doing a great job . Try to take more of it in your mouth and move your head up and down a bit . " I chuckle a bit to myself . My cock isn 't that big but Ann always likes to pretend that it is . . . when she 's so " little . " She moves her mouth over me , her lips sliding down my shaft while she rings the base with her thumb and forefinger , gently tugging at me as she slides more and more of me into her mouth . She looks up at me with her big , innocent eyes as she takes me deeper and deeper , pleasing me . Pleasing her Daddy . I knew what this was doing for her . . . . to her . I knew that if I reached down and felt her pussy that she 'd be sopping wet . But that 's not part of the plan . Other times she asks for more . " I want to do everything that Mommy does for you , " she begs . I tell her that I 'll do something close . . . but that my girl needs to stay a virgin . " Oh , yes , baby . That feels good . You 're making Daddy feel so good . Daddy 's going to give you a treat . Just keep doing that and he 'll give you some candy . Daddy 's warm , rich candy , right in your mouth , " I say , laying it on thick . She moaned around me , taking me even deeper , and I found release in that moment . I 'm being followed . . . On Twitter by OpenBDSM , a multilingual site with some great photos ( and some writing that I can 't read ) . Here 's a sample of what they host : I 'm thinking of taking two stories from my first book that both have a robot theme and making a full - length work out of them . I 've got a few ideas about where the story can / should go but I 'm VERY curious as to what other people think . Would anyone be so kind as to take a gander and give opinions ? Cerebral Trainee Subject : Susan The best of this week 's blogs by the bloggers who blog them . Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants . Want in Sugasm # 163 ? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants , repost the link list within a week and you 're all set . See , in old Texas no laws govern the number of guns you can own , but women can 't have more than five vibrators . And Webb was on the stiff side of the law while selling sexual aids at a Passion Party ( that 'd be a Tupperware bash that buzzes instead of burps ) . Her story here plays against a background of documented opinions about female orgasms from the 1700s to the 1970s . That alluring feminine mystique metamorphosed from something condoned to something condemned . Rudimentary sexual stimulants were originally used to relieve women of " hysteria " brought about by such independent activities as " reading French novels while tightly corseted . " Once brazenly advertised in magazines and the Sears Roebuck catalog , the personal vibrator was ubiquitous as electric lights . Passion and Power doesn 't adequately explain the vibrator 's disappearance and the devolution of female sexuality in the United States . Interviewees - such as noted sex educator and author Betty Dodson - gaze back to days before women had proper sexual education , as if those times have vanished . While this is a wonderful idea for historical purposes , it 's far from today 's sexual milieu . Audiences need only witness Joanne Webb 's tale of Texas justice to see how far we 've yet to go . Unfortunately , neither Webb nor the vibrator gets enough attention during this 74 - minute work , leaving viewers unsatisfied . Worse , interview subjects are framed in crooked , floating boxes in a way that doesn 't mask shoddy camerawork . Instead , they point out just how poorly shot the documentary is . An interesting concept , Passion and Power is but a big tease . Posted by I know . I know all about it . I didn 't tell you but I set up a " nanny cam " to keep an eye on the maid service . Things just . . . Opening the door I hold my breath , not knowing what I 'm going to find inside . Whatever it is , I 'm resolved to just go with it . It & # . . .
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I refresh my iPhone to see what 's going on in my hotel room . The girl is still on the bed . She 's pulled her knees up towards her chin as much as she can . I can see that her breathing is labored . I sip my coffee and watch as she undergoes another orgasm , her body shuddering , her legs stretching back out , her mouth open in a soundless scream . I silently count to ten , ticking off three lesser tremors … these aftershocks are smaller orgasms that continue to rock her . She 'd been at four before as I 'd finished up my meal . Once she gets down to two I 'll head back to the hotel to release her . Forty minutes ago I left her alone in my hotel room . A half hour prior to that I was letting her in the door . During the interim I placed her collar around her neck . She stripped down and I bound her with a combination of plastic wrap and duct tape . Once secured , I introduced her to a rather nasty - looking knife . Ten inches long with a serrated blade . It looked like it could gut a bear , much less a petite twenty - seven year old brunette wrapped up like a sausage on a hotel room bed . Behind her gag she began to plead , her eyes ( not yet blindfolded ) wide . I put the knife against her thigh , letting the cold steel warm against her before moving it directly between her legs . She screamed , muffled but still louder than I 'd have liked . With the flick of my wrist , the knife sliced , opening a slit in the plastic wrap just above her pussy . The cool air hit her hot skin , making her think that I had cut her . She narrowed her eyes as I brought up the blade , showing her the lack of blood . I sheathed the blade and placed it back in my bag , coming back with a five inch long white tube . I slid this into her . It went in easily as she was already slick with excitement . Before it disappeared completely , I gave it a twist at the base , causing it to vibrate . The noise of it was soon muffled as I pushed it deep into her . Her eyes rolled to white . I placed a blindfold over her eyes . It had two flaps that covered her ears as well . Though not as effective as the leather hood I often used upon her , it did a terrific job of blocking out all light and sound , encasing her in a dark silence . The first few times we played together I would stay in the room while she was like this . I 'd watch her go through the flood of orgasms that wracked her little body . I had to build a level of trust with her that she wasn 't going to injure herself by accident ( or on purpose ) while cocooned and cumming . The first time I set up a webcam and watched her from the lobby of the hotel , I almost thought that she was having some kind of an attack . Her body jumped as if had undergone electroshock therapy . She was a fish on a hook . Tonight was the first night I told her about the webcam that I had been using . I showed it to her just before I slipped the blindfold on . I wasn 't sure if this would enhance her experience or damper it . Though she 's something of an exhibitionist , the feelings she experiences while bound have been far more intense once I abandoned her . Looking at my monitor , I was pretty sure she enjoyed putting on a show for me . The next time I would tell her that I shared the URL for the webcam with a few friends . Either I really will or I won 't , but she 'll never know just how many eyes are on her as she orgasms for an hour . Another cup of coffee and she 's down to two petite morts . I leave the money for the check and tip , giving extra for how attentive the waitress has been . I fantasize about she would say or do if I showed her the girl on my iPhone and told her that I 'm going back to room 214 at the Sheraton next door . Would she like to join me ? As I get closer to her I can start to hear the faint hum of the vibrator inside her . Its pitched lower , the batteries running down . I stand and admire her ; her proud breasts pressed flat like strawberry - adorned pancakes under plastic , her hair soaked with sweat , her nostrils flaring as she tries to catch her breath . I unsnap the strap that holds the gag in her mouth . I remove it , strings of saliva trailing behind it . She takes great gulps of the cool air . Reaching between her legs , I remove the duct tape , thankful for her bare pussy . The tape barely holds , its sticking power diminished by her wetness . I stick two fingers in her and they slide in easily . She 's sopping . She shudders when I remove the spent vibrator . Is she grateful or sad that it 's gone ? I drop my pants and use her mouth , fucking her face . She gags repeatedly and I ignore it , my fingers sunk into the plastic over her breasts for purchase as I pull her fast against me , the breath from her nose hot against my balls . She slurps and sucks as I slam deep into her mouth . I see her fingers spread out under the plastic wrap . She 's so constricted that she can 't even make a fist . With her blindfold still in place - tears streaming out from under it - my cock is the only outside stimulus she has . My scent fills her nostrils , my meat her mouth and mind . There is only me and nothing else for her right now . She struggles to please me . The first few drops of cum hit her throat and she spasms again , screaming around my cock as she orgasms without even being touched . I fill her with my spunk , shooting it into her gullet . I feel her muscles milking me of every drop . She won 't stop sucking me until I finally slide my cock out of her mouth . Thick ropes of saliva and spunk trail from her mouth to my cock . As a final bit of humiliation , I clean my softening sex off on her hair . She coughs and swallows hard a few time , trying to readjust herself to emptiness . After I re - dress I retrieve my knife and slide the blade along her side . Her body is so hot , encased in the plastic , the she shudders at the icy blade . I remove her blindfold to allow her to see the knife before I sink it into the space between her breasts . I cut away her cocoon quickly . The cool air hits her and she begins to shiver . I 've got towels at the ready to wipe her dry and wrap her in something more forgiving . We 'll stay this way for a while . It may be minutes , it may be hours . It lasts until she hoarsely asks permission to get up . When she does , I 'll allow it , take off her collar and let her clean herself up . She 'll shower , dress , and say her goodbyes . And , like me , she 'll count the minutes until we see each other again . I looked into his eyes and could see the fear and fascination there . I looked familiar to him but just as equally foreign . He turned his head to the side to get a better look . He lifted his chin , looking down his nose . I did the same . It was hard not to . Me . I 'm that girl . I 've been with him all of his life . He 's caught glimpses out of the corner of his eye , as if I were standing behind him , just out of sight , but he hasn 't looked me in the eyes . . . until now . I 'm Wendy . He 's Michael . He used to call the shots , keeping me trapped in a well deep inside of him until Dr . Herzog helped me escape . Since then I 've been making my presence known more and more in Michael 's life . I come out fully when she puts him into a hypnotic trance , yes , but there are other ways I make my presence known . If he realized it , Michael would see that he holds his drinks with his pinky extended daintily . He 'd hear that his voice has gone up a bit in its pitch . And he 'd realize that his mouth waters a little bit whenever he sees an attractive man . I 'll admit it . I 'm a cockslut . I 've got a voracious appetite for it . Every time the phone rings at Michael 's place , I get a little shiver down my spine , hoping that it 'll be Dr . Herzog on the other end of the line giving him his trigger word to release me from my masculine bonds . When this happens , it 's Michael that fades into the background while I step into the spotlight . I feel like a star . I 'm the center of attention at the Herzogs when I go to their place . There are times , like this , where Michael is given the chance to confront me . To see himself for what he should be . Tonight Dr . Herzog invited me out and let Michael see me . It was time that he and I had a little chat . The more he tries to deny that I exist , the more difficult it 's become for me to come out , despite all of the hypnotic conditioning Dr . Herzog has put in place for my ease of entry into the world . " I . . . I don 't want you around . You 're ruining my life ! " he shouted . I noticed that he avoided any sibilant sounds . I 'd gotten him lisping ever so slightly like Cindy Brady . He knew this because I knew this . " Am I really ? Is that what you think ? You 've seen the world through my eyes and lived it the way I want to live . Isn 't that better ? Haven 't you had fun ? Hasn 't it been super ? " I just had to add that last part to give him a good sissy lisp . " Oh , don 't be coy . Don 't try to tell me that you don 't enjoy that . I 've been with you all your life . I know everything you 've ever thought and all of your fantasies . I 've been there as you 've jacked off thinking of the jock who saw you naked at the gym . I 've felt you get hard while watching porn , not because of the women but because of the men . I 'm simply doing all of the things you 've always wanted to do but never would . " Normally I 'd be concerned if a patient of mine were having such a heated conversation with themselves while staring in a mirror . Yet , this is exactly how I knew this would happen . I had found Wendy inside of Michael during an early hypnosis session . I could picture her as a little girl , a lost urchin starving and shaking from fear hidden amongst trappings of macho bullshit that Michael had piled on over the years , trying to keep Wendy repressed . I found the little girl and helped raise her , so to speak . I knew that her presence was the key to Michael 's personality and so many of the issues he couldn 't resolve . How could he ? He was denying himself - - much like he was dong now . Tonight I hoped to resolve some of the conflict between the masculine and feminine sides of Michael 's personality and allow the feminine to win . I was sissifying him , giving Wendy the upper hand . I didn 't want to eradicate Michael from existence , rather , I wanted to torment him with his own desires . Wendy embodied those painfully frightening feelings and she was my greatest ally in this process . " Wendy , perhaps you should show Michael just exactly what he needs , " I chimed in . I could tell that they were at an impasse and I hoped this tilted the scales . My powers of persuasion and hypnosis could only go so far , even with the farther - reaching hypnotic triggers that had been set up by his Aunt when he was a boy . She was the person who kept Wendy alive through Michael 's sexual awakening and initial subjugation but her training of Michael ceased when she had to move to the West Coast , leaving him adrift . I heard the pleasantly familiar buzz from Dr . Herzog 's intercom , letting her husband , Charles , know that his services were needed . Or , rather , that he was needed to be serviced . I 've only had a few dozen men with which to compare him , but Charles was my most favorite . I love the way he makes me feel . If anything , I think I have gotten a little crush on him . I hope Dr . Herzog doesn 't mind . I closed my eyes and thought of all the men that the Herzogs had introduced me to . The wonderful feelings that they gave me and how they satisfied the cravings that I had had for my entire life . I heard their moans mixed with mine . I felt the physical feelings , yes - - the hard heat in my mouth and pussy - - but also the satisfaction of pleasing . Into my hand I felt the hot hardness that I loved so much . It was like touching an electric fence . The world stopped and a jolt traveled through my body . I opened my eyes to see Charles standing in front of me , towering over me , his hand over mine , over his erection . I could feel Charles 's pulse pounding through his sex . My mouth was watering and I felt my clit get hard in my panties . Moreover , I could feel Michael 's resolve weakening . He wanted Charles 's cock . He needed this because I did . I sank now to my knees . Hesitant , shaky , but down I went . I trailed my hand over Charles 's sex , tracing the ridge around the head of his massive cock . I heard a groan , looked to Charles , and realized it wasn 't him making the noise . It was coming from my mouth . . . it was Michael groaning , feeling the desire that burned inside of me . . . of us . Normally , I 'd have had my lips wrapped around Charles by now but I wanted to take it slow and easy to let Michael realize just how wonderful servicing a man could be ; how marvelous a cock is . I could feel my mouth watering as my fingers played across the ridged surface , feeling the velvet soft mushroom head , running a finger down along the underside of his tool to the base . I leaned forward and took in the strong heady scent of manhood . It was intoxicating . My eyes closed as I moved closer , my mouth opening . Then I stopped and forced my eyes open . I wanted Michael to see everything , experience it all . I looked at him in the mirror with his own Charles there , cock standing at attention in his hands . As I leaned forward , so did he . Our eyes were locked as we licked the tip of Charles 's cock , tasting the salty sourness of man . And with that , we took Charles into our mouth , feeling the bulbous head roll over our lips and onto our tongue . The soft hardness filling our eager mouths . We heard him moan and felt the satisfaction that comes with pleasing . This made us move our heads further onto him . " This is what you were born to do , " I told him . " You were made for making men happy . You were born to suck cock . " With that , I leaned in even closer , taking Charles as deep as I could without gagging . A few faint wisps of his pubic hair tickled my nose . Without warning , however , I felt my head moving quicker . It wasn 't me doing this . It was Michael . I smiled inwardly and knew that we had just made a breakthrough . A low moan came from deep within as Michael took Charles deeper than I had felt comfortable going before . The hunger had him . He needed to feel more , to know what it meant to feel that emptiness filled . Our throat worked , swallowing Charles as deeply as we could . Usually I can tell when Charles is climaxing from the forceful way he fucks my face , pumping as deep as he can . But perhaps something about Michael 's mouth was different for Charles simply let out another low , guttural moan before unleashing a flood into our mouth . This was Michael 's first taste of cum and swallowed it down with demanding thirst . She smiled and told me that when I wasn 't called forth from Michael 's subconscious that I would be much more present in his life . More than fleeting effeminate gestures , he would feel far more like the girl he truly is . I would be calling more of the shots . He would feel my hunger and be a cockslut . He would be this way because I am this way . Anne had been under his thumb for two months . She hated every minute of it , especially when he pawed at her , telling her how lucky she was to have him for a brother - in - law . Her heart broke every time she saw her sister , knowing what a louse she was married to , recalling his grunts as he thrusted inside of her , feeling his beads of sweat landing on her back as he sodomized her time and again . He made a point to call her every day , wearing her down , making her talk dirty to him as he masturbated on the other end of the phone . He bent her over the sink in his family bathroom during their Easter gathering , raping her ass while the kids hunted for colored eggs outside . And now he was giving her instructions on how she needed to dress and act for the upcoming family reunion . At the gathering , she catches him several times eying her lasciviously and this makes her heart jump . What it someone else sees the same thing ? Is he really being that careful ? There 's already far too much drama in this family , she thinks , crossing her arms over her chest and holding her shoulders as if a chill has come over her . She 's alone in the kitchen , making herself a drink , when his arms wrap around her waist . She 's startled and thinks that it 's her husband until she feels him grind his cock into her ass . " Hello , slut , " he whispers in her ear . She goes to him . He points to the floor and she gets down on her knees . He leans back , hands on the bedspread behind him , propping him up . She knew what she has to do . She undoes his belt and pants button , lowering his zipper and opening the front of his pants . He 's already hard , his cock straining against the front of his boxers . She gingerly fishes him out of his underwear before taking him into her mouth . He groans , swearing under his breath . " Oh , how I love that sweet little mouth . I want you to come downtown to my extra place this week . Wednesday evening . I 'm going to have a couple of friends try you out . " " I told you before ; you 're mine . You 'll do what I want with whoever I want . Of course , they won 't touch your pussy . That still belongs to your dear husband . But everything else is mine , isn 't it ? " " Yes , sir , " she says , her heart pounding . She looks at his cock , slick with her spit , and tries to stomach putting it back in her mouth but she 's too distracted . " I can 't believe you 're going strange men men fuck me . " " Men ? I said ' friends ' . They 're a couple . A man and a woman . I think he 's going to enjoy reaming you out while you lick his wife 's pussy . " " You will , and you 'd better do a good job . These are important business associates of mine . Now , cut the chatter . Strip and get up on the bed . " She does as he said , climbing naked onto the bed , her knees spread . She knows how he likes her to be . She feels his weight move the mattress behind her . Without warning , she feels his finger enter into her asshole , rough and sudden . She nearly shrieks , biting her lower lip from doing so and raising alarm in the house . One finger become two . She 's invaded , powerless , and then she experiences a new sensation . The head of his cock pushes against her asshole . " Show me how much you want it , " he says , " Push back against me . Fuck yourself with my cock . " Once he 's inside her , he 's anything but gentle . He takes hold of her long , brunette hair , keeping her on him . She feels him getting larger inside her . He begins increasing the rhythm , feeling her ass grasping him , and he smiles . He listens to her breathing , short quick gasps . He fucks her in time with her breathing , loving being inside of her and knowing that he 's bending her will to his . He reaches under her and finds her clitoris , swollen and wanting . As he brushes it with his fingertips , Anne lets out an exquisite squeal . He feels her tighten around him even more . Anne moves in time with him as to keep the feelings flowing from her clit , allowing him to guide her by her hair . " Get dressed and put yourself back together , " he tells her . " Leave my cum inside of you . I want you to think about this for the rest of the day and feel me leaking out of you . " The best of this week 's blogs by the bloggers who blog them . Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants . Want in Sugasm # 164 ? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form . Participants , repost the link list within a week and you 're all set . I 'm bound ( not really ) and determined ( really ) to have some fun . I 've got a free Sunday and full free weekend coming up at the end of April / beginning of May . I haven 't played in months and am hoping to experience some interesting things . All work and no play make the Porno Person a very dull boy . My friend , Ann , is in her mid - forties and has two grown children . Despite her age , she loves to get together with me on occasion and pretend that she 's a little girl . Not too little - - she 's not in diapers - - but she definitely likes to pretend that she 's below the age of consent . She was afraid to tell me that she enjoys this as it 's commonly thought that those who enjoy this kind of play are pedophiles . Ageplay to be a great release for people who enjoy roleplaying , being innocent , and relatively powerless . Plus , there 's something quite delicious about the taboo especially when ageplay meets familyplay . Ann is my " little girl . " She calls me " Daddy " and I call her " girl . " She often puts her hair in pig tails and wears a schoolgirl outfit . Most often we play at the seduction . . . Daddy coming home from work and punishing his little girl for a call he got from her teacher or principal . I take her over my knee and give her a spanking , telling her that she needs to be good . Doesn 't she want to be good for Daddy ? Doesn 't she want to be Daddy 's good girl ? " Oh , yes , Daddy . I want to be good for you ! Let me be your good girl ! " she pleads , her white cotton panties down around her knees , my hands perilously close to her sex . She 's squirming on my lap , grinding against my cock while I admire the red patterns my hands made across her bottom . " If you really want to be my good girl then you 'll do something for me . Something that Mommy won 't do . But it has to be our secret . " Her eyes get comically big , looking up at me with tears rimming her eyes . " Oh , yes , Daddy . Anything ! I won 't tell ! " I tell her to get on the floor . She starts to pull up her panties but I have her leave them down . She gets between my legs and I look down to see the swell of her pussy , full and open like a flower in the morning , faint traces of her dew around the tendrils of her pubic hair . Putting my hand on her chin I say , " Daddy needs help with a problem he has . He gets these pains and the only thing that can help him is if Mommy kisses him in a certain way . But she won 't do it . Won 't you help Daddy feel better ? " " Good girl , " I say , leaning back and undoing my buckle . I undo the button of my pants and lower my zipper . My cock is straining to be free and she sees the bulge of me stressing the front panel of my whitey tighties , now dappled with pre - cum . She needs me to tell her what to do . She 's acting innocent so I say , " That 's good , honey . Now , lick it , like an ice cream cone . " Her kisses change to little laps as she runs the tip of her tongue over me , paying special attention to the underside of the head , knowing this drives me wild . She flicks , making my leg jump . " Slow down , honey . Now just put it in your mouth a bit . " I feel her tongue working , sliding up and down along the underside of my cock while she suckles me with her lips . I take her right hand off of my thigh and wrap it around my cock . " Hold it tight , baby girl , and rub up and down . " She does this obediently and moans . " It feels so nice , Daddy . It 's so warm and it makes my mouth tingle . Am I doing it right ? " " Yes , honey . You 're doing a great job . Try to take more of it in your mouth and move your head up and down a bit . " I chuckle a bit to myself . My cock isn 't that big but Ann always likes to pretend that it is . . . when she 's so " little . " She moves her mouth over me , her lips sliding down my shaft while she rings the base with her thumb and forefinger , gently tugging at me as she slides more and more of me into her mouth . She looks up at me with her big , innocent eyes as she takes me deeper and deeper , pleasing me . Pleasing her Daddy . I knew what this was doing for her . . . . to her . I knew that if I reached down and felt her pussy that she 'd be sopping wet . But that 's not part of the plan . Other times she asks for more . " I want to do everything that Mommy does for you , " she begs . I tell her that I 'll do something close . . . but that my girl needs to stay a virgin . " Oh , yes , baby . That feels good . You 're making Daddy feel so good . Daddy 's going to give you a treat . Just keep doing that and he 'll give you some candy . Daddy 's warm , rich candy , right in your mouth , " I say , laying it on thick . She moaned around me , taking me even deeper , and I found release in that moment . I 'm being followed . . . On Twitter by OpenBDSM , a multilingual site with some great photos ( and some writing that I can 't read ) . Here 's a sample of what they host : I 'm thinking of taking two stories from my first book that both have a robot theme and making a full - length work out of them . I 've got a few ideas about where the story can / should go but I 'm VERY curious as to what other people think . Would anyone be so kind as to take a gander and give opinions ? Cerebral Trainee Subject : Susan The best of this week 's blogs by the bloggers who blog them . Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants . Want in Sugasm # 163 ? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants , repost the link list within a week and you 're all set . See , in old Texas no laws govern the number of guns you can own , but women can 't have more than five vibrators . And Webb was on the stiff side of the law while selling sexual aids at a Passion Party ( that 'd be a Tupperware bash that buzzes instead of burps ) . Her story here plays against a background of documented opinions about female orgasms from the 1700s to the 1970s . That alluring feminine mystique metamorphosed from something condoned to something condemned . Rudimentary sexual stimulants were originally used to relieve women of " hysteria " brought about by such independent activities as " reading French novels while tightly corseted . " Once brazenly advertised in magazines and the Sears Roebuck catalog , the personal vibrator was ubiquitous as electric lights . Passion and Power doesn 't adequately explain the vibrator 's disappearance and the devolution of female sexuality in the United States . Interviewees - such as noted sex educator and author Betty Dodson - gaze back to days before women had proper sexual education , as if those times have vanished . While this is a wonderful idea for historical purposes , it 's far from today 's sexual milieu . Audiences need only witness Joanne Webb 's tale of Texas justice to see how far we 've yet to go . Unfortunately , neither Webb nor the vibrator gets enough attention during this 74 - minute work , leaving viewers unsatisfied . Worse , interview subjects are framed in crooked , floating boxes in a way that doesn 't mask shoddy camerawork . Instead , they point out just how poorly shot the documentary is . An interesting concept , Passion and Power is but a big tease . Posted by I know . I know all about it . I didn 't tell you but I set up a " nanny cam " to keep an eye on the maid service . Things just . . . Opening the door I hold my breath , not knowing what I 'm going to find inside . Whatever it is , I 'm resolved to just go with it . It & # . . .
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I was invited to meet Tori at Downtown Disney where she was going to buy me an early dinner . Since my income had completely stopped and my unemployment benefits had not yet kicked in I was thrilled to be getting out of the house and not have to worry about where the money was going to come from to pay for my entertainment . Sitting around the house was starting to depress me so I was pretty excited about getting to be Disneyland adjacent . It was a warm and beautiful day . The sun was still shining brightly as I left the house . I was less than 10 miles away from my house doing about 45 mph approaching an intersection . I had a 2 second fleeting thought that something was wrong but I couldn 't quite put my finger on it and before I knew it ( insert ominous music here . . ) I had plowed in to the back of the car in front of me . In slow motion I heard my breaks screech , I felt my head turning away from the explosion of the airbag in my steering wheel , I inhaled the powder that is inside of the airbag , I heard the sickening thud of my car hitting the car in front of me , I heard glass breaking , I heard metal bending , I felt my head snap forward and backward and the next thing I knew I was standing outside of my car . My first thought was that I was very , very happy that I was standing up because that meant that A . I was still alive and B . Apparently I wasn 't gravely injured . Then I realized that I had actually hit another car and I could have killed someone . You just don 't know the relief I felt when I saw the person in the other car get out and walk over to the sidewalk on her own two feet . I had never before in my life seriously thought that I might have killed someone and it 's a thought or feeling I do not ever care to have again . My shaky , wobbly legs carried me to the sidewalk and I walked up to the woman from the other car . She literally greeted me with open arms and embraced me saying , in broken English , " I ' n sorry … I ' n sorry . " I asked her if she was injured and she said no . Any further conversation was going to be very limited because she didn 't actually speak English . Out of nowhere a father and his teenage daughter were suddenly standing by my side asking me if there was anything they could do to help us . As if by some miracle the daughter spoke fluent Spanish and was able to confirm that the other driver was not injured and did not need medical attention . The girl told me that the driver was asking me to not call the police because she didn 't have a driver 's license . She said that the car wasn 't hers but she was insured to drive it . I asked the father if he could help me to dial my phone because I had made about 10 attempts to call my sister and IMOM who are both on my speed dial but I was such a nervous wreck that I couldn 't make my phone work . It was a total out of body experience when I heard myself telling Tori that I wanted her to come and get me because I had just totaled my car . I tried several times to call my car insurance representative and wouldn 't you know it … when I was finally able to successfully make the call the police showed up . So all at once I was trying to answer questions from the police officer and talk to my insurance agent . Neither one wanted to yield to the other so I had to hang up on the insurance guy . The police officer asked us if either one of us were hurt at least 5 times . He offered to call an ambulance if we thought we needed one . We both assured him that we were fine and he separated me from the woman in the other car and we both gave them our version of what had happened . When he asked me what caused me to hit her I had to tell him the truth … " I have no idea … " Sounds just as lame today as it did last year . I was able to get the insurance people back on the phone and requested a tow truck and answered all of their questions . I had finally been able to calm myself down enough to realize that my right inner arm was on fire . I was wearing a tank top and thus there was nothing between my skin and the exploding airbag . My whole upper arm was burned . Not so bad that I needed medical attention but bad enough that it really hurt . Tori arrived just in time to help me try to get some of the stuff out of my car before they towed it away . Mr . Paul was there to offer his help and Jake was doing his best to run around in the intersection in an effort to show us exactly how he felt about his trip to Disneyland being thwarted . People who know me well know that I pretty much live out of my car . I keep clothes , shoes , blankets , cds , food and everything but the kitchen sink in my back seat . As Tori and I dragged object after object out of the car the tow truck driver grew impatient . I asked Paul to carry a 13 lb . bag of cat food over to his mom 's car and he assured me that it was too heavy for him to carry but he was sure that I could do it just fine . Finally the truck driver told us that he had to get my car to the tow yard and that if I wanted anything else out of it I would have to get it later . I spent most of September sleeping in , ( Yay ! ) , looking for a job , and worrying my head off . ( Boo ! ) Apparently I shouldn 't have been spending so much time sleeping because one morning as I was snoozing on the couch I didn 't get up soon enough to please Lorenzo and he started a riot among the masses of felines in my home . I was trying to ignore Mr . Idiot Foolish and his minions when all of a sudden one of the cats came flying over the back of the couch and touched off on my face . I got mad and yelled at them to " knock it off ! ! " ( Yes , I was yelling at a deaf cat . ) In the long run Lorenzo won because I got up and gave the kitties food so they would stay the hell away from me . After I fed them I resumed my snooze fest on the couch . Annnnnd when I woke up . . I looked like this : My blog has been sorely neglected for the last 12 months and it isn 't because there hasn 't been anything going on in my life . Much to the contrary . . . it seemed like for a while there it was whammy city . Every time I turned around something major was happening . Some things were good … some things … not so much . I hope I can remember everything that happened so I can share it with you . If not … then this will teach me what the consequences are when I don 't blog about things as they happen . Let 's sally forth , shall we ? In August of 2010 I was sitting at my desk in the Legal Affairs office of the major institution of higher learning where I had worked for the last 4 years and 9 months when my boss came out of her office looking like she has seen a ghost . Her voice wobbled as she said , " I have some very bad news for you . " My mind immediately thought that something was wrong with someone in my family and I just about had a heart attack on the spot . She just stood there looking at me with tears in her eyes . It seemed like 5 minutes had gone by but in reality it was more like 10 seconds before she told me that the powers that be had decided to restructure our office and I was going to be let go . As my boss blubbered over the news she had just delivered I sat there dumbfounded . W . T . F . I couldn 't believe what I was hearing . Although I never did like my job in that office I was a very dedicated employee . They had absolutely no reason in the world to justify letting me go … . except for the fact that it was determined that my office would surely parish if they didn 't get a paralegal in their midst immediately . A paralegal who also does clerical scut work . A paralegal who also does scut work for less than $ 20 . 00 per hour . F . M . L . After learning about the details of my pending departure it was ME consoling MY BOSS and it was me telling her that everything was going to work out just the way it was supposed to and that I 'd be fine . I don 't know what the hell I was thinking . I am a home owner . I like to eat . I 'm fond of my much used medical benefits . Everything wasn 't going to be fine ! This country is in one of its worst recessions in history and I was about to have to go out and find a new job . Upon hearing the news of the loss of my job . . . Amanda , Tori and my mom all assured me that if need be I could move in with them . IMOM told me that my bills would get paid and I was not to worry about money . These were all wonderful assurances but I like to pay my own way and take care of myself . It was going to be very difficult to accept all of this help . They gave me one months ' notice and boy was it made perfectly clear just how nice they thought they were to have done so . I was told about another employee who was a friend of mine who was given about 5 minutes ' notice of her imminent departure on the very same day that I was given the news that I was going to be gone in 30 days . So as much as I wanted to tell them to stick their 30 days where the sun didn 't shine I guess it was better than getting no notice at all . I spent the next 4 weeks searching the internet for job leads . I kept my eye on the campus employment website . And there was just nothing out there . I applied for a couple of positions through the edjoin website but I couldn 't even secure an interview . As the days went by I was determined not to let my boss know that I was devastated over the pending loss of my job . I wasn 't even going to ask her for a letter of recommendation . If she wanted to give me one then she could just offer it to me . ( Yeah , maturity reigns when I 'm mad . ) By the end of August I had wizened up a bit , swallowed my pride and decided that my resume looked pretty lame with letters of recommendation from to 2005 . I braced myself and sauntered in to my boss 's office and asked her if she would write me a letter of recommendation . Well … if I was stunned to hear that I was being let go … imagine how I felt when my boss told me … " It is against company policy for us to write blanket letters of recommendation . Tell me where you 've applied and I 'll give you a letter that is addressed to them exclusively . " I was so taken aback that I just said , " Oh , ok … I 'll let you know " . But it didn 't take me about 2 seconds to decide that I wouldn 't take a letter of recommendation from that woman if it arrived tattooed on Jackson Browne 's ass ! ( I called the HR office and asked them if there was indeed a rule about writing letters of recommendation and of course no one knew the answer but if the legal counsel for the entire university said that was a rule then they were Just before my time in that office was up I saw a posting for a clerical position at the offices of the campus church . The job description was almost exactly the same as the job that I had been doing for the last 4 . 5 years so I applied for it . The interview went wonderfully and I waited for about a week until they got back to me . The reverend who interviewed me called me personally to tell me that the position that needed to be filled had been empty for quite a while and there had been a temporary office worker at that desk for the last several months . Even though they pretty much knew that they were going to give the job to the temp worker they still had to post the position and conduct interviews . They thought their temp was a shoe in for the permanent position … . until they interviewed me . The reverend said that she just loved my spark and my sense of humor and she especially loved that I had been doing the same job only in a different office for almost 5 years . I thwarted their plans to just hand the job over to the temporary worker . However , after much prayer and deliberation they decided that it just wouldn 't be fair to the temp to not give her the job . Urgh ! It would have been so nice to just seamlessly transition from one office to the next without any down time … but no … it was not to be . The reverend went on to tell me that she was so impressed by me that she had given my name to a reverend friend of hers who had a church in Garden Grove that was looking to hire a clerk . I thanked her profusely and even though I didn 't get the job she managed to make me feel pretty good about myself . BTW . . I wasn 't interested in working in Garden Grove . If I couldn 't work at the university I would be looking for a position much closer to home . Beggars can 't be choosers but it would have been really foolish for me to take a job any further from my house . ) My boss was going to be at a seminar on my last day of work so there would be no awkward goodbyes and that suited me just fine . I was going to walk out of that office with my head held high because I knew that there were better things on the horizon just waiting for me . Instead as the clocked ticked 5 : 00 on my last day I grabbed my purse and started to tell my co - worker good bye and I blubbered like an inconsolable baby . Although I had known for 4 weeks that I was losing my job it wasn 't until that very moment that I seriously , truly , honestly realized that … whoa shit … I don 't have an income anymore .
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It has been brought to my attention that there are readers who may be offended by the language in this book , and so this is what I 'm addressing tonight . There are a lot of different characters in this story , and while two of them in particular are very set AGAINST using curse words ( in fact , I don 't think the Aunts even like to say ' Oh my God ' ) , a few of them use certain expletives casually . Most of these are in contexts such as this : Phyllis confronts a bully , saying " . . leave me the fuck alone . " Yeah , it 's harsh , but it 's generally what people of the bullying demographic understand the best . Quincy says " Oh shit , I 'm late for work ! " Quincy habitually uses expletives this way , as do many , EXCEPT for when he 's around the Aunts . Sid says " It 's damn hard not to screw up in front of a crowd . " Sid swears once in a while ( Phyllis and Sid even discuss it later on ) for emphasis , generally . The word " fuck " appears several times in the book , and is generally used in anger or frustration ( and a couple times by characters who are supposed to be " bad guys " ) . I completely understand being offended by expletives , and feeling that such language is " inappropriate . " But the truth is , swearing 's become a part of American culture . You can 't sit through most movies without hearing swear words . Yes , if my book were a movie , it would be RATED R . You might ask , how then can it be appropriate for something who is under 17 ? Look . If you 've ever been to a public ( or Catholic ) high school , you 've probably heard countless swear words , in halls , in buses , at lunch tables . And that 's also where some of the swearing takes place in this book . Phyllis 's friend Key swears an awful lot , and so do the jocks in the jock scene . In high school , you 're going to hear about other people having sex , you 're going to hear people being called horrible names ; you 're going to hear CURSE WORDS . It 's apparently become a part of the human condition . No , it 's not necessary . But it 's true . And ESPECIALLY in portraying life in a high school , I was concerned with portraying Posted by Thank you Lindsay for becoming my nineteenth follower ! New goal : 20 . Whoa . THERE ' S a big number . So it has come to my attention that not everyone may be comfortable reading certain parts of this book . I 'll be posting a little " rated R " disclaimer tonight . I thought it might be time for another post , and I wanted to mention that Amber Skye , the Reading Addict , has been nice enough to do an interview with me . Here 's a link to her blog : http : / / addicted2reading4evr . blogspot . com / The interview will be posted pretty soon within the week . Thanks Amber ! For the rest of the post , I 'm going to stop talking about my book and me , because the book I 'm reading right now is far too amazing to be ignored . " The Eternal Ones " by Kirsten Miller , one of my favorite authors , arrived in the mail a few weeks ago , but I didn 't start it until this evening . I couldn 't stop reading . I finally did , once I 'd finished Part One , because otherwise I just would have been up all night . The book is about Haven Moore , a 17 - year - old who lives in the god - fearing town of Snope City , Tennessee . Haven 's had visions of her past life since she can remember , and while her late father embraced her visions , her grandmother believes that Haven is being possessed by a demon . So Haven 's been trying to ignore them and stave them off for most of her life . Haven and her best friend , Beau , are already outcasts of the town when Haven sees a familiar face on TV that brings her past life memories back full - force . As time goes on Haven realizes she can 't leave her past behind , and though the town is beginning to turn against her , she is drawn further and further into her memories . Finally , Haven knows she must leave in order to find Ethan , her past love . After a confrontation with Beau and with the citizens of Snope City turned against her , Haven boards a train to New York . She does this in hopes to find the secret society that might be able to help her , and the man who may or may not be her soul mate . That 's as far as I 've gotten , but let me tell you , this book will draw you in . The pace is excellent and the story is gripping . The book will be released in August , and I highly recommend it ( along with Miller 's Kiki Strike series ) . Hey , I made a teeny tiny trailer that 's hard to read and very short and doesn 't say a whole lot . But , it is a book trailer nonetheless ! Check it out ! If anyone wants to post this video , I can send it to you . I doubt the one on youtube still has its audio track by now . Reading Addict Amber Skye was awesome enough to post the trailer and the book on her blog , http : / / addicted2reading4evr . blogspot . com / . Thanks Amber ! Thank you DL , you are my eighteenth follower ! New goal : nineteen . I 'm no artist , but I found these in a sketchbook from a couple of years ago . They 're drawings of Quincy Herman Smith and Taylor Venchak . Quincy is gay and one of Phyllis 's best friends in the house , and Taylor is Phyllis 's best friend , whom she meets just before starting high school . They 're not like , good drawings , they 're pretty cartoon - y , but they might give you an idea of what 's in my head when I 'm writing them . Except , apparently Taylor has no skin ? I 'm thinking I just didn 't have time to color her in . Trust me , in my mind she looks a lot different . . . and has skin . As far as features go , though , Quincy 's pretty spot on . I always picture him in red and gold for some reason , and he has just enough thick , dark hair for a little ponytail . His facial hair might be a bit neater than it is in this drawing , though . Oh , and both of his eyes are probably the same size . . . facial features are more proportional . . . etc . . I figure it 's time to write a new post , but I want to start this one by saying that I AM A DEBUT YA AUTHOR , and FEEL FREE TO CONSIDER MY NOVEL if you are taking part in The Story Siren 's awesome debut author challenge . So pretty soon , I head back to college . This winter break has been a little like one really super long weekend . I spent most of it sleeping , driving , seeing people , and on the internet . It was quite fun , actually . One might think that heading back to college may actually cut into my blogging and emailing time , but if we 're totally honest here , if I 'm anything like I 've always ever been , ever , then homework is going to end up taking the backseat . Who knows , maybe I 'll suddenly change into an organized , efficient student instead of one who scrambles at the last minute . I think not , though . Anyway , the one thing I will NOT be able to do at school is mail out more books , to bloggers or otherwise . So after this Saturday there will be no more books mailed out until March 15th . Unless I go to Santiago , but the future of that trip is looking bleak . Here are some things I 'm planning to do in the blog 's near future : - start posting discussion questions - start posting amazon / goodreads links - start posting links to reviews on other blogs - maybe some book reviews of my own - more discussions and excerpts about the book - character profilesAnd here are some for the distant future : - deleted scenes - new ideas - upcoming work - trailer ( still working on ideas for that one ) I would love to make a trailer , but I probably won 't be able to really brainstorm and do it until summer . Unless I have something REALLY important to study for and need to procrastinate . : ) I 've really enjoyed blogging thus far , especially some of the great blogs I 've come across . I really appreciate the bloggers who are taking the time to read my book and review it . I 'm thinking my next post is going to be about Sid . I 'm not sure how people are going to feel about him , but that 's the fun of it . Thanks Judy ! You 're Fourteen ! Newest goal : fifteen . I 'm well - aware that this is quite tacky of me , but I think I 've mentioned that I 'm willing to go quite far to get word out about this book . I 've seen The Story Siren 's 2010 Debut Author challenge , on her blog and several others , and I would like to make it known that I 'm willing to try and get copies of my book out to readers who want to try out my book for this challenge . ( I 've also said so in a couple of blog comments . ) So on the off - chance that someone comes to this blog looking to find out about the book , read the description , leave a comment and we 'll talk . And excuse my terrible business etiquette . Thank you cynthial11 , you are my thirteenth follower ! Newest goal is fourteen ! The director of my local library was nice enough to meet with me and offer some advice . Among her many helpful suggestions was that I make some reading discussion questions for the book , so I think I 'm going to try and come up with some before I go back to school . Goodness , but that 's soon . . . I 'll probably post the questions or at least a link to them on the side of the blog , and on the book 's Facebook fanpage . I 'm looking forward to making these , because I think that people can find a TON to talk about when it comes to this book . Whether you like it or hate it , you 'll be able to find something to rant about . There are controversial subjects , there 's a whole lot about high school , about stereotypes , movies , books . Well , there 's really only one scene that goes into books , but it 's a fun scene . It 's between Phyllis , the main character , and her best friend , Taylor . Phyllis isn 't a big reader ; she 's far more musical ( which I wish I could be ) . But Taylor LOVES to read . One wall of her bedroom is a bookshelf . She 'll read anything . In fact , maybe she should have a book blog . . . While Taylor will read anything , she won 't buy just any book . Because , first of all , who has the money for that ? Secondly , there are rules that apply . Time for an excerpt ! ( At this rate , I 'm going to just end up posting the whole book . ) Jesse played his music loud ( nothing wrong with that ) so that we had to yell to each other . " Can we go to the bookstore first ? " Taylor shouted . " Which one ? " Jesse yelled . " The bigger one ! " " Barnes and Nobles ! " Key told him loudly . " There 's only one Noble ! It 's Barnes and Noble ! " Taylor screeched . " Whatever ! " Key yelled . " She 's right though , " Jesse told her . He had to tell her twice , practically shrieking the second time . " So can we go there ? " Taylor demanded . " Yes ! " Jesse shouted . " Thank you ! " Taylor screamed . So , upon arrival , the four of us headed straight for Barnes and Noble . Jesse and Key went to look at CDs and DVDs . Taylor and I wandered about aimlessly . Looking overPosted by I read a little more of Shiver at the library , and I have to say , I 've decided I don 't have a big problem with Grace just yet . I only got a little over 100 pages in , but I haven 't gotten to a point where I 've started thinking anything about the character implies misogyny . She hasn 't gotten on my nerves either - I like her attitude towards a lot of things , she isn 't as passive as I was expecting ( though I sometimes wish she would take her parents and shake them , I know I want to ) . In fact , she 's pretty good at taking charge . And she 's funny ! Obviously I 'm going to have to actually finish the book before I can make my final decision , but she isn 't getting on my nerves ( and neither is Sam ) . Last night , or actually , this morning , as I was falling asleep , I started assembling a list of things I like and don 't like in books and characters and significant others . I know , it 's a little odd for me to be thinking about all of those things at the same time , but given the circumstances it made sense . All I 've been doing for the last two weeks ( and I am so grateful ! ) is talking about books and seeing my family and friends . And , just as we all know what we like and don 't like in books and movies , even pieces of art , we have to know what we like and dislike in people , or we could go horribly wrong in life . These lists sometimes overlap , too , but I 'm not going to go into some sort of heavy description of that because I don 't want to put implications about my life in here . But there are a few things I CAN say . I LOVE funny people - my friends are generally the people who can make me laugh . Lo and behold , I love funny books ! And I try to write funny scenes as well . What I have noticed is that it can be really hard for me to find books that really make me laugh , so when I do , I remember them . For instance , last year I read " The Breakup Bible " by Melissa Kantor , and I can still remember how much it made me laugh , even though parts of it were really serious . Good book , that one . What is the point of this ? What does it have to do with " ShivePosted by Today I get to journey to the library to visit the mom and to deliver a copy of my book to my friend Mahogany , who 's going to READ my book . Mahogany became a good friend when I got her to talk about Twilight in this documentary trailer I made when I was a film major ( shakes head ) . Anyway , she did a good job , very strong opinions on that one . Even as a big fan of the books she was able to criticize them ( mostly Bella . . . ) and so I 'm hoping that she 'll be able to do that for my book . Er . . . sort of . I think she 'll be able to tell me where I went terribly wrong ( aside from typos ) and it won 't be a quite as much of a punch in the gut coming from her . So far , I 've only gotten small criticisms , and I haven 't spoken extensively with all of those who have read the book . The ones I got from my mom were more personal , being uncomfortable reading about premarital sex when I ' VE written it , the use of certain names , etc . One friend of mine thought that Sid was a little too sketchy times , which , honestly , was kind of what I intended . Yeah I know , in some ways I 'm no better , but Sid isn 't a misogynist ! He is , well , blunt , and he isn 't afraid to invade comfort zones . He doesn 't hit on Phyllis , but he hints at things , and he 's quite a tease . What a jerk . On the other hand , he 's a great listener , a good advisor , and he clearly cares deeply about Phyllis and her family . So , we 'll see where that goes . Anyway , Sid can be dissected in another post . My friend also thought that Quincy was too encouraging of Phyllis 's feelings for Sid , but I had kind of intended that to be jokingly , the way he approached the Sid - topic all the time . Let me see if I can find an excerpt . . . hm hm hm . . . . Okay , here 's a rather long - ish one from the earlier part of the book , that 's Sid who 's speaking first : " I don 't say things that aren 't true , Philly . " He paused . " Well , not when I can help it . " Quincy entered then . " Sid ! Phyllis ! " He sat in the middle between Sid and me . " Did you have a good birthday ? " he asked me . " Lovely , " I replied . " What Posted by I told my mom , the librarian , about the reviews of Shiver and about the more and more frequent appearances of weak female characters . As per usual , the woman made a very good point , saying that she didn 't consider them weak characters . Why ? She said she couldn 't think of a young girl who can take care of herself , and pretty much everyone around her , as weak . Also , she said , in both cases ( Grace and Bella ) it was a girl who was used to taking care of everyone else finally finding someone who cared for and wanted to take care of her . Like I said , good point . I can understand that . I like that my mother and inbedwithbooks have looked at these characters from a sort of psychological perspective and explained them to me . It 's fun to talk about characters in depth . Newest goal : 7 followers . So , hurdling through the blogosphere as I often do late at night ( er , early in the morning ) I came across the review of " Shiver " on inbedwithbooks ( I better put her in my blogtastic list ) . Anyway , I never finished Shiver , not because it was a bad book but because I 'm a weird sort of non - committal reader at times , perhaps because I 've never had to return my library books on time . Also , a lot of the time when I read , I stop because I 'm like " I shouldn 't be reading ! I should be WRITING so that other people can be READING MY stuff " which is kind of silly , because reading helps writing SO MUCH . Cough , anyway . Inbedwithbooks made me want to finish Shiver with it 's very smart in - depth open review , mainly of Grace 's psychological motivations and their effect on the story and on her actions . It turned out that the review was not only a mere review but a RESPONSE to The Rejectionist 's very angry review of Shiver . I had never seen Rejectionist 's blog before so this was , I thought , an excellent opportunity to both find out more about Shiver AND see a cool new - to - me blog . Upon reading The Rejectionist 's review , which made a large number of excellent points just as inbedwithbooks did , I encountered an argument I 've been encountering since Twilight magically got popular . ( Look , they 're not bad books , but I still say Stephenie Meyer made some sort of deal with the devil to warrant their crazy success ! CRAZY SUCCESS ! ) Oh God , I hope this blog doesn 't become popular enough for me to get angry people taking " deal with the devil " seriously . . . ANYWAY - This argument is that in these popular YA novels of paranormal romance , particularly Twilight and now , Shiver , we are manufacturing a sort of newly acceptable form of misogyny . Girl will do anything to be able to devote her life and BEING to a man - what makes it acceptable and I guess , intriguing ( ? ) is that the MAN in question is some sort of supernatural hunk . Which of course , must make the situation much different than in real life , mustn 't it ? The problem is that Posted by Despite being holed up in my pajamas for most of the week , I 'm feeling rather productive today . My books were mailed out to most of the bloggers I contacted , and I sent in my long , LONG list of typos . Now I just have to hope that they agree to fix them all . ( prays ) I 'm slightly nervous about the reviews of my book - I mean , who wouldn 't be ? But I figure at least ONE blogger has to like it , and either way it might get some people to take a look at the book ( or my blog ) . I 'm also looking for bloggers who do a cover feature . The cover of my book isn 't amazing , but it 's interesting - looking , and obviously if more people see the cover more people will know the book exists . One thing that surprised me was that , while I was looking for typos , I started actually READING the book and realizing how much I feel for all the characters . I hope they don 't all sound like me , heh . Or maybe I 'm going to start sounding like them ? My mom is a fervent Diana Gabaldon fan ( though from what I hear this last book was a bit disappointing ) and every once in a while I hear her ask , " If I love the characters in that book , does that mean I 'm in love with Diana Gabaldon ? " Well , I don 't think so . But it 's hard to say , isn 't it ? How much of an author actually GOES into each character ? Creating a person , whether physically or mentally , is quite a task ( obviously if you 're doing it physically it 's a much more challenging endeavor ) . Is Edward Cullen really just a warped version of Stephenie Meyer ? What about Patch from Hush , Hush ( which I still need to read ) ? Is he really just Becca Fiztpatrick ? Did I spell her name correctly ? Were all the Austen men based on Jane Austen 's lovers ? Even for a writer , it 's hard to say . In my case , I wouldn 't suggest that I 'm anything like Sid , but that Sid is more like someone that I 'd like to meet . That 's how I generally think of characters , as people that I am finding and getting to know , or people that I want in my life . Sometimes they come out as a weird mixture of people I already know , but for the most part nobody 's bPosted by I kind of want to write a post on the sandwich I just made , because it was AMAZING . Also , I know that there are bloggers who are up late at night and crave just this sort of thing after long hours of surfing and writing . BUT this blog is not about food ! I was reading a review over on The Book Butterfly , ( which I now follow along with a zillion other book blogs that I love ) and have decided that along with Hush , Hush , Beautiful Creatures , and The Eternal Ones ( though I have to confess that The Eternal Ones is first on my list - she 's my favorite author , I can 't help it ) I must also read The Mark . Better circle January 19th on my calendar . . . At the end of the blurb and the author interview , there was a video . I assumed it was a trailer , but it turned out to be a reading of the first chapter . This turned out to be just as tantalizing , if not more . I 've watched trailers for Bliss by Lauren Myracle ( another favorite of mine ) , Kiki Strike , a book I think was called Dream Life by Lauren Mechling ( I 'm so sorry if I messed up the title or author ) , Love , Stargirl , Nineteen Minutes ( which has a WAY better ending than My Sister 's Keeper , in my opinion ) , and definitely a few more that I just can 't remember at the moment . They were all done a bit differently , and I suppose each one worked for each book ( though I haven 't read the one by Lauren Mechling ) . So now I 'm trying to decide what type of trailer would work for MY book . " A House Afire " would probably not make a great movie , but if I had actors and you know , special effects , talent in film - making , etc , I could envision a pretty cool trailer for the story . It would start with the basic description of the Sorin house , and Phyllis and Sid and what not . Sid would probably be introduced by this scene : Key hugged him , then me , and while she did , she whispered , " There ' san incredibly hunky fellow standing by the door staring at you , Phyllis . " " Dark hair ? " I whispered . " Yuh - huh . " " Leather jacket ? " I whispered hopefully . " Yuh - huh . " " Looks like he might be able to hear us ? Posted by I think I 've mentioned before how I like to make up words ? Well , I managed to find one of those in my book . I 'm debating leaving it in there , I kind of really like this one and it SOUNDS real . I think I might leave it . This is a tough decision . Hmmm . . . So , I really should be looking through my book for typos ( or like , totally sleeping ) because I got in touch with my publishers about them . But somehow it seems I was mainly concerned about Claude Rains ' name . It 's hard for me to read the book . When I don 't like it , I wonder if it 's only because I wrote it , and when I DO like it , I wonder if it 's only because I wrote it . It DOES make me happy though , when I 'm scrolling / flipping / skimming pages and a random line draws my attention ; at least then I know that this is the sort of line that would draw my attention anyway , which means that , hopefully , it 'll draw the attention of a few others as well . Also , apparently every Barnes and Noble store is a little bit different than the next , which means I get to bother them all , one by one . Mwahahahaha ! ! My next step ? To ask everyone I possibly can to go to local bookstores and libraries and ask about the book . I might give them a recommendation of what book to buy , too . I stopped by Barnes and Noble today and decided that I 'd better take a look at Hush , Hush . All I hear about Hush , Hush is that it 's amazing , sexy , thrilling . . . you get the picture . Sadly , I am but a poor student , so rather than purchase the book , I settled down and read the first 2 1 / 2 chapters . Then I told my mom to order it for the library . I have to ask her to order Beautiful Creatures as well , because that looks like one I need to read . As you can see I 've trailed away from my own book and started talking about others . It 's nice to be able to read things I really WANT to read rather than what 's REQUIRED , and so I 'm trying to take advantage of this while I can . Plus , if I 'm reading other things while I 'm looking over my OWN book , it helps me stay in the mindset of a reader rather than an author - though , of course , the two can often be interchangeable . I just have to work on that . Last night ( er , this morning ) I finished Lips Touch 3 Times , and my goodness was it beautiful . Such a gorgeous read , heartbreakingly lovely and filled with savory words . I 'm generallPosted by So , again , I feel that I should address something a reader has pointed out to me ( cough my mother cough ) . There is a scene mid - book , I 'd say , in which some jocks are making fun of Mary , one of Phyllis 's friends . Mary is going through what might be a little more than just a goth phase . I guess it 's kind of a " Mean Girls " moment . As Phyllis watches the scene unfold - the jocks ' teasing and Mary 's revenge - she describes the jock in question as Mike or Harry or Bobby and so on , giving him different names each time . This is because Phyllis tends to see jocks as a very generic brand of person . Yes , I know that being a jock isn 't a bad thing , not by any means , but in all honesty , there is most certainly one very specific section of jocks . We 've all seen them , whether we 've been friends with them or harassed by them . They call each other " fags " if one does something the other doesn 't like . They can be hilarious , and even nice , but more often than not they just act . . . well . . stupid . Again , it is admittedly a stereotype , but that doesn 't mean these guys are non - existent . The other important thing about this scene is that , well , the jocks are being just plain mean . They 're being jerks to a girl just because she looks different . This is off - putting in general but ESPECIALLY off - putting to Phyllis , who knows well what it 's like to be shunned , talked about , or made fun of by classmates ( read the Prologue ) . In elementary and middle school she had a rough time socially . Partially because of her age , and partially for , well , no reason at all . Alienation in school is a tough issue to deal with but it 's something people should be aware of . And kids like the ones in this scene contribute to it . Luckily for Phyllis , by high school she has come into herself a bit more , learned to stand her ground , and she also has a nice strong foundation of friends . This isn 't the case for everyone , however . Some people spend high school searching for who they are , and as they try on different identities , as Mary seems to be doing , they 're scorned forPosted by A couple of readers have mentioned how much they like the funny exchanges between Quincy , a resident of the house who is gay , and his two BFFs , Butch and Abe . I really enjoy writing these characters - they 're funny and smart , they 're into fashion and pop culture , there 's a lot of fun banter to be had ! Who doesn 't like fun banter ? ! But these characters can be pretty stereotypical , and I wanted to say a few things about them , before someone reads the book and possibly becomes angry . I 'm not trying to perpetuate stereotypes here - I am well aware that not all gay men are into fashion , and that they don 't all act like Stanford and Anthony from Sex and the City . I have several gay friends , and all are different , and NONE of them are defined by being gay . While stereotypical people do exist , in my mind Quincy , Abe and Butch are not just three walking stereotypes . They 're all important to me , as most of my characters are ( ALL of the characters in this book are , I think , except for Sarah Lagano 's boyfriend , Ben ) and I think of them as people . Each is his own person , and while their actions and words sometimes seem to stem from simply being gay , keep in mind that this is also what works for them . Just because their interests are common among gay men doesn 't mean that being gay is all they have , nor does it mean that their sexual orientation is insignificant . I wanted to show that none of them are afraid of being blatant about who they are , whether it has to do with hobbies , interests , or orientation . I do not intend for them to be overshadowed by " gayness , " but on the other hand , I wanted it to be known that they were proud to BE gay . Hmm . . . how can I say this without repeating myself 50 times ? Being open about orientation is something we need to be okay with , especially in America . And well , Butch , Abe and Quincy , they 're going to let people know in hopes of spreading that pattern of thought , that being gay is normal and okay ! They certainly have a sense of humor about it , and their lives suit them , not only because of their oPosted by Gah ! I found another mistake in the book . I certainly hope I can send these all in before the release date ; but if not , I 'll see who can find them all ( because obviously I couldn 't ) . THIS is why editors are so important , I 'm learning firsthand . . . I 'm not sure why I 'm posting so regularly despite not having to worry about readers at this point but , I suppose that when / if i do get them , they 'll have a lot to look over . Or something . Anyway , I 've been thinking about fear for a bit tonight . A few years ago I thought that I decided all fear originated from the fear of death . Then I thought that it must be more like fear of pain . Well , I don 't know what Freud or Jung or whoever said about fear , exactly . I only know what Roosevelt said about it . And I know that my own fears have evolved and devolved over the years . When I was little , everything scared me . The dark , being alone , losing my family , tall men , being in front of a lot of people , puppets , clowns , shadows , monsters , murderers , anything could happen at anytime , especially if my mommy wasn 't there . I can 't tell you just how easily I could get scared , especially after watching " Are You Afraid of the Dark ? " or sleeping over at a place that wasn 't my house ( and even in my own room with a night light I became afraid ) . Eventually I grew out of it , into different fears . The startling , gripping fear I felt so often as a kid ( and ran from ) became something I wanted to find , in movies and books and stories told to me . My fear list changed . It included things like scary people coming out of the TV ( after " The Ring " ) , being murdered in the shower . . . Now I find that if I think too hard about something that 's already creepy , I can scare myself , but I try to avoid it . The most recent movie that scared me was " The Blair Witch Project , " I think because of the getting lost in the woods thing . But who knows ? Simple images can bring on really frightening scenarios sometimes . The most recent book that scared me was " A Certain Slant of Light . " It 's a romantic ghost story , and the main character , a ghost , haunted people throughout their lifetimes , and if she didn 't find someone else to haunt after the person died , she 'd suddenly become trapped in what I guess was her coffin . I can handle certain ideas about afterlife ; hell , heavenPosted by This is a little early , but if you read my book , you may notice frequent mentions of and references to Hannibal Lecter . This is simply because Thomas Harris is my hero . I know very little about him , only how his stories have affected me and so many others . You know , by scaring the sheet out of us . I love pretty much all the books and all the movies , differences aside . I do have something to say about " Hannibal , " though . This may not really seem to pertain to MY book , but really , the stories have had a big influence , and Hannibal and Clarice are one of the best . . . oh , hold onSPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERTstrong woman and monstrous sort of man couples in literature . Admit it . Monstrous men can be pretty sexy . Okay , so maybe that 's not the common view of Dr . Lecter , but look at how well vampire romance does out there ? Sid and Phyllis from my book are an EXTREMELY inappropriate couple ( and they won 't be a couple just yet ) but , well , that 's one of the things that makes the attraction between them bigger . And thicker . Anyway , being a college student , I recently had to write a couple final papers . Blegh . Luckily , one of them was on " The Silence of the Lambs , " which after " Rosemary 's Baby , " is my favorite horror book / movie . I spent a ton of time skimming articles online about the books and the characters and such , and I was surprised at some of the things I read about Hannibal . Er , " Hannibal , " the book . Now , if you have not read the book but you have seen the movies , you might know that Jodie Foster declined to work on " Hannibal " because of the way Clarice Starling is treated . . . and she never really finds her way out of it , in the film . Jodie said something like she " couldn 't trample " on Clarice 's character . The best thing that happens in that movie aside in terms of Clarice is that Paul Krendler gets eaten . That guy was an asshole , I don 't know if I can think of a bigger asshole in literature right now . ( I should probably name someone from " A Tale of Two Cities " or something , but I 'm noPosted by So , since someone might actually read this : ) I thought I would share a bit more valuable information . Let me reiterate some things : The book is published by a small publisher . I was pretty much the editor . So I have to take full responsibility for what I am about to say : I spelled Claude Rains ' name incorrectly in the book . I spelled it C - L - A - U - D . ( hangs head in shame ) But , hopefully I can get it changed before the book is officially released , which is in February . Aside from me being enormously negligent and rather idiotic . . . well , typos DO occur . And given the poor editation of this book by myself ( yeah I know , sometimes I make up words ) , well , expect them . Okay ? EXPECT TYPOS , THERE WILL BE TYPOS , THE BOOK ISN ' T OFFICIALLY RELEASED YET . I can 't believe I left the e out of Claude Rains . I have a Casablanca poster next to my bedroom door ! ! Perhaps we can blame Phyllis , my narrator . Technically she 's the one talking , isn 't she ? And she 's not really a reader , I 've noticed . I bet she 'll get there though . I better stop before I start talking about the future of these characters before anyone even gets to know them ! Jesse : " How goes bloggin ' ? " Me : " Good . " Jesse : " Awesome . " Me : " Getting paranoid . My parents are reading the book . What if they like . . . " Jesse : " Hate it ? And f * * king stab you ? " Me : " . . . find secret parts of my subconscious in there ? . . . And THEN they hate it , and f * * king stab me ? ! " Jesse : " Because stabbing is the first instinct of people when they don 't like a book . " . . . . . . . . . . . I hope Jesse 's wrong . . . . I have been looking at blogs all evening ! I was happy to see so many . . . sometimes I irrationally worry about the future of books . I read this terrifying ( and REAL ) article about a university 's library making everything digital . . . and getting rid of ALL THE BOOKS . But , tonight has reassured me greatly . The internet supports books , books support the internet , and I can spread the word while sitting in my bedroom . ( Thumbs up . ) I heart book bloggers . I think that eventually I 'll start talking about books other than my own here , but first I have to finish talking about mine . My book , I think , can be approached from any angle and appreciated by any age . But if you find teenage girls annoying , well , I 'll still recommend trying it out but I supposed that leaves the possibility of a terrible reading experience . Phyllis , however , is not a typical teenager . Actually , let me pause . I feel kind of bad even saying a typical teenager exists . Look at all the books out there ! All the characters are different , and all the teenagers I 've met are different . I used to HATE when people used to say I did things because I was a teenager . I think one of the statements that pissed me off the most was my English teacher telling us we were all lumps of clay that he had the privilege of helping shape . I 'm sure it sounded wise to some , but to me it just felt condescending . ( But then again he always seemed like he 'd walked right out of Dead Poets Society or Freedom Writers or one of those inspirational teacher movies . Heh , sorry if you 're reading this right now . Hope you 're taking those things as a compliment and you read my book ! Cough . ) Probably because I was a teenager . No , just kidding . I am not ever going to chalk up anyones actions to being a teenager , at least , not ONLY to being a teenager . Okay , moving on from one rant to the next , Phyllis is not a typical PERSON or TEENAGER because of her experiences and also because of her friends . Part of the book is Phyllis seeing what a lot of other teens are like , which is especially important because prevPosted by So , I 'm probably not allowed to say this . And I really shouldn 't . It 's so damn hard to get published , and I don 't even have any real fans or readers yet ! Aside from a few friends , and ( cringe ) my parents - and who knows , maybe they 're just reading out of the goodness of their hearts ! What my publisher does is a wonderfully American and noble idea - they pretty much publish anyone ! And you don 't have to pay them , and BOOM , you 're on Barnes and Noble 's website . Yay ! ! But , this is not to say that being published still isn 't expensive . No . Far from it , my friends . Today , I got an email from them saying , " We 'll send your book to STEPHEN KING ! ! ! . . . . that is , if you buy 14 copies at a discount price TODAY ! " Mind you , I 've already purchased 19 copies , and the damn book costs about 35 bucks . Is that not ridiculous ? ! I 'm a college student ! I could never buy the book ! This is with parental help , plus I 'm the one who wrote the thing . And they keep sending emails like that . They 'll send books to the troops , to the TODAY show , to anyone ! . . . if I 'll just buy X number of books for X percent off . Getting published is clearly for rich people , and maybe I should have waited until I had a job . On the other hand , I 'm loving that I didn 't have to self - publish ( whew ) , that I can be extremely involved in the editing and the PR , and that I actually have an opportunity to see my book on shelves ! And I can say I 'm an author . AND I 've even gotten to talk to other authors ! The advertising emails to me are even rather helpful . They help me think of ways I can distribute the book myself and help advertise it . I 'm desperately trying to get a blogger to review the book , and even I 'm lucky I can at least get the local newspaper to do it . As I 've said , I 'm not expecting to sell many copies of this book ( though I 'm going to call every store and pull every string ) . My hope , for this one , is to get my name out there , to get some experience that I can use in the future , and then write something else , something even better ( either that or something gimmicky ) aPosted by This is what it says on the back of my book : Phyllis Sorin has seen all sorts of people . With two kind Aunts who rent out the rooms of their house to anyone in need , the people she calls family are a little different from most . There 's Bill , who takes on the personalities of movie characters . There 's Quincy , whose best friend is a drag queen . There 's Anna , an opera singer and kung - fu master . And Phyllis , well , she 's not exactly normal herself . But even as she begins to navigate high school 's social jungle , Phyllis finds comfort and humor in her odd home . When Dominick Siddons moves in , however , all of Phyllis 's priorities become inferior to finding out his secret . A young lawyer with a vicious wit and ferocious temper , Sid may understand Phyllis in a way no one else can . And through truth and fiction , through the inevitable chaos of the house , Phyllis finds much more than she bargained for . That 's what I wrote for them to put on the back . One thing I 've noticed , and far before even finishing this book , is how tough it is to capture a whole story 's essence in a few little paragraphs . I mean , for really well - known authors it doesn 't always matter . Stephen King , we get the jist of it ( and we 've probably already seen the movie version ) . Harry Potter , Twilight , at this point we can just find someone to ask about them . And I suppose those plots are pretty straight - forward - both are pretty good books with very clear genres and stories . I guess my problem is that I took a bunch of my ideas and through them into a story ; it just seemed to work for me . When people ask me what my book is about , I find myself always saying something different . " Well , it 's almost like you 're living with this girl for a year or so and learning about her home and her life . " " It 's about a girl who lives with her Aunts , and her Aunts rent out their house to a lot of different people , so a lot of crazy events ensue . " " It 's kind of like Hey Arnold , do you remember that show ? " " It 's about a girl who breathes fire and falls in love with a werewPosted by So , since my current publisher is a relatively small company , I 'm getting a very unique opportunity to do most of my own public relations ! Exciting ! Okay fine , so I 'd rather have an agent and a publicist , and huge posters in Barnes and Noble advertising my coming book . The best I can do right now , however , is have posters made ( or make them myself ) , send lots of emails , make some phone calls , and possibly mail some copies . Not to mention leave them around . Oh yes . They will be around campus , around town , and if I travel , they 'll be around Europe and South America too ! What I 've been doing tonight is sending emails and bugging friends about blogs and other news sources . Not a lot of luck so far , but I 'm emailing just about anyone I can think of , so I have to get at least ONE response about something ! And on Monday , I can call newspapers , news stations , radio stations . . . well , we 'll see what happens . One author 's journey into the wide and highly sought world of advertising ! As for reading , which I 'm doing in an effort to hold onto my small amount of relative sanity , I 've gotten into Sherlock Holmes thanks to my mom the Librarian and the amazing movie that 's just come out . Good stuff . I definitely have big plans for Bill to be Sherlock . Oh , Bill ? He 's a character in my book . He has a bit of a psychological disorder combined with a film obsession ; he spends all of his time watching movies and then taking on personalities of movie characters . You 'd think this might be harmful at times , you know , if he watches The Silence of the Lambs or The Shining . But luckily Bill is very limited by his surroundings and what must be the real person inside him , and he 's never hurt anyone . Quite the opposite in fact . He 's a lot of fun to write , probably because I get to sort of steal other peoples ' characters and write them in my own way . That might be worrisome in terms of copyright laws at some point , but I 'm not going to concern myself until enough people start reading the book to notice . This may never happen , so there 's nothing for me Posted by Phyllis Sorin has seen all sorts of people . With two kind Aunts who rent out the rooms of their house to anyone in need , the people she calls family are a little different from most . There 's Bill , who takes on the personalities of movie characters . There 's Quincy , whose best friend is a drag queen . There 's Anna , an opera singer and kung - fu master . And Phyllis , well , she 's not exactly normal herself . But even as she begins to navigate high school 's social jungle , Phyllis finds comfort and humor in her odd home . When Dominick Siddons moves in , however , all of Phyllis 's priorities become inferior to finding out his secret . A young lawyer with a vicious wit and ferocious temper , Sid may understand Phyllis in a way no one else can . And through truth and fiction , through the inevitable chaos of the house , Phyllis finds much more than she bargained for .
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It has been brought to my attention that there are readers who may be offended by the language in this book , and so this is what I 'm addressing tonight . There are a lot of different characters in this story , and while two of them in particular are very set AGAINST using curse words ( in fact , I don 't think the Aunts even like to say ' Oh my God ' ) , a few of them use certain expletives casually . Most of these are in contexts such as this : Phyllis confronts a bully , saying " . . leave me the fuck alone . " Yeah , it 's harsh , but it 's generally what people of the bullying demographic understand the best . Quincy says " Oh shit , I 'm late for work ! " Quincy habitually uses expletives this way , as do many , EXCEPT for when he 's around the Aunts . Sid says " It 's damn hard not to screw up in front of a crowd . " Sid swears once in a while ( Phyllis and Sid even discuss it later on ) for emphasis , generally . The word " fuck " appears several times in the book , and is generally used in anger or frustration ( and a couple times by characters who are supposed to be " bad guys " ) . I completely understand being offended by expletives , and feeling that such language is " inappropriate . " But the truth is , swearing 's become a part of American culture . You can 't sit through most movies without hearing swear words . Yes , if my book were a movie , it would be RATED R . You might ask , how then can it be appropriate for something who is under 17 ? Look . If you 've ever been to a public ( or Catholic ) high school , you 've probably heard countless swear words , in halls , in buses , at lunch tables . And that 's also where some of the swearing takes place in this book . Phyllis 's friend Key swears an awful lot , and so do the jocks in the jock scene . In high school , you 're going to hear about other people having sex , you 're going to hear people being called horrible names ; you 're going to hear CURSE WORDS . It 's apparently become a part of the human condition . No , it 's not necessary . But it 's true . And ESPECIALLY in portraying life in a high school , I was concerned with portraying Posted by Thank you Lindsay for becoming my nineteenth follower ! New goal : 20 . Whoa . THERE ' S a big number . So it has come to my attention that not everyone may be comfortable reading certain parts of this book . I 'll be posting a little " rated R " disclaimer tonight . I thought it might be time for another post , and I wanted to mention that Amber Skye , the Reading Addict , has been nice enough to do an interview with me . Here 's a link to her blog : http : / / addicted2reading4evr . blogspot . com / The interview will be posted pretty soon within the week . Thanks Amber ! For the rest of the post , I 'm going to stop talking about my book and me , because the book I 'm reading right now is far too amazing to be ignored . " The Eternal Ones " by Kirsten Miller , one of my favorite authors , arrived in the mail a few weeks ago , but I didn 't start it until this evening . I couldn 't stop reading . I finally did , once I 'd finished Part One , because otherwise I just would have been up all night . The book is about Haven Moore , a 17 - year - old who lives in the god - fearing town of Snope City , Tennessee . Haven 's had visions of her past life since she can remember , and while her late father embraced her visions , her grandmother believes that Haven is being possessed by a demon . So Haven 's been trying to ignore them and stave them off for most of her life . Haven and her best friend , Beau , are already outcasts of the town when Haven sees a familiar face on TV that brings her past life memories back full - force . As time goes on Haven realizes she can 't leave her past behind , and though the town is beginning to turn against her , she is drawn further and further into her memories . Finally , Haven knows she must leave in order to find Ethan , her past love . After a confrontation with Beau and with the citizens of Snope City turned against her , Haven boards a train to New York . She does this in hopes to find the secret society that might be able to help her , and the man who may or may not be her soul mate . That 's as far as I 've gotten , but let me tell you , this book will draw you in . The pace is excellent and the story is gripping . The book will be released in August , and I highly recommend it ( along with Miller 's Kiki Strike series ) . Hey , I made a teeny tiny trailer that 's hard to read and very short and doesn 't say a whole lot . But , it is a book trailer nonetheless ! Check it out ! If anyone wants to post this video , I can send it to you . I doubt the one on youtube still has its audio track by now . Reading Addict Amber Skye was awesome enough to post the trailer and the book on her blog , http : / / addicted2reading4evr . blogspot . com / . Thanks Amber ! Thank you DL , you are my eighteenth follower ! New goal : nineteen . I 'm no artist , but I found these in a sketchbook from a couple of years ago . They 're drawings of Quincy Herman Smith and Taylor Venchak . Quincy is gay and one of Phyllis 's best friends in the house , and Taylor is Phyllis 's best friend , whom she meets just before starting high school . They 're not like , good drawings , they 're pretty cartoon - y , but they might give you an idea of what 's in my head when I 'm writing them . Except , apparently Taylor has no skin ? I 'm thinking I just didn 't have time to color her in . Trust me , in my mind she looks a lot different . . . and has skin . As far as features go , though , Quincy 's pretty spot on . I always picture him in red and gold for some reason , and he has just enough thick , dark hair for a little ponytail . His facial hair might be a bit neater than it is in this drawing , though . Oh , and both of his eyes are probably the same size . . . facial features are more proportional . . . etc . . I figure it 's time to write a new post , but I want to start this one by saying that I AM A DEBUT YA AUTHOR , and FEEL FREE TO CONSIDER MY NOVEL if you are taking part in The Story Siren 's awesome debut author challenge . So pretty soon , I head back to college . This winter break has been a little like one really super long weekend . I spent most of it sleeping , driving , seeing people , and on the internet . It was quite fun , actually . One might think that heading back to college may actually cut into my blogging and emailing time , but if we 're totally honest here , if I 'm anything like I 've always ever been , ever , then homework is going to end up taking the backseat . Who knows , maybe I 'll suddenly change into an organized , efficient student instead of one who scrambles at the last minute . I think not , though . Anyway , the one thing I will NOT be able to do at school is mail out more books , to bloggers or otherwise . So after this Saturday there will be no more books mailed out until March 15th . Unless I go to Santiago , but the future of that trip is looking bleak . Here are some things I 'm planning to do in the blog 's near future : - start posting discussion questions - start posting amazon / goodreads links - start posting links to reviews on other blogs - maybe some book reviews of my own - more discussions and excerpts about the book - character profilesAnd here are some for the distant future : - deleted scenes - new ideas - upcoming work - trailer ( still working on ideas for that one ) I would love to make a trailer , but I probably won 't be able to really brainstorm and do it until summer . Unless I have something REALLY important to study for and need to procrastinate . : ) I 've really enjoyed blogging thus far , especially some of the great blogs I 've come across . I really appreciate the bloggers who are taking the time to read my book and review it . I 'm thinking my next post is going to be about Sid . I 'm not sure how people are going to feel about him , but that 's the fun of it . Thanks Judy ! You 're Fourteen ! Newest goal : fifteen . I 'm well - aware that this is quite tacky of me , but I think I 've mentioned that I 'm willing to go quite far to get word out about this book . I 've seen The Story Siren 's 2010 Debut Author challenge , on her blog and several others , and I would like to make it known that I 'm willing to try and get copies of my book out to readers who want to try out my book for this challenge . ( I 've also said so in a couple of blog comments . ) So on the off - chance that someone comes to this blog looking to find out about the book , read the description , leave a comment and we 'll talk . And excuse my terrible business etiquette . Thank you cynthial11 , you are my thirteenth follower ! Newest goal is fourteen ! The director of my local library was nice enough to meet with me and offer some advice . Among her many helpful suggestions was that I make some reading discussion questions for the book , so I think I 'm going to try and come up with some before I go back to school . Goodness , but that 's soon . . . I 'll probably post the questions or at least a link to them on the side of the blog , and on the book 's Facebook fanpage . I 'm looking forward to making these , because I think that people can find a TON to talk about when it comes to this book . Whether you like it or hate it , you 'll be able to find something to rant about . There are controversial subjects , there 's a whole lot about high school , about stereotypes , movies , books . Well , there 's really only one scene that goes into books , but it 's a fun scene . It 's between Phyllis , the main character , and her best friend , Taylor . Phyllis isn 't a big reader ; she 's far more musical ( which I wish I could be ) . But Taylor LOVES to read . One wall of her bedroom is a bookshelf . She 'll read anything . In fact , maybe she should have a book blog . . . While Taylor will read anything , she won 't buy just any book . Because , first of all , who has the money for that ? Secondly , there are rules that apply . Time for an excerpt ! ( At this rate , I 'm going to just end up posting the whole book . ) Jesse played his music loud ( nothing wrong with that ) so that we had to yell to each other . " Can we go to the bookstore first ? " Taylor shouted . " Which one ? " Jesse yelled . " The bigger one ! " " Barnes and Nobles ! " Key told him loudly . " There 's only one Noble ! It 's Barnes and Noble ! " Taylor screeched . " Whatever ! " Key yelled . " She 's right though , " Jesse told her . He had to tell her twice , practically shrieking the second time . " So can we go there ? " Taylor demanded . " Yes ! " Jesse shouted . " Thank you ! " Taylor screamed . So , upon arrival , the four of us headed straight for Barnes and Noble . Jesse and Key went to look at CDs and DVDs . Taylor and I wandered about aimlessly . Looking overPosted by I read a little more of Shiver at the library , and I have to say , I 've decided I don 't have a big problem with Grace just yet . I only got a little over 100 pages in , but I haven 't gotten to a point where I 've started thinking anything about the character implies misogyny . She hasn 't gotten on my nerves either - I like her attitude towards a lot of things , she isn 't as passive as I was expecting ( though I sometimes wish she would take her parents and shake them , I know I want to ) . In fact , she 's pretty good at taking charge . And she 's funny ! Obviously I 'm going to have to actually finish the book before I can make my final decision , but she isn 't getting on my nerves ( and neither is Sam ) . Last night , or actually , this morning , as I was falling asleep , I started assembling a list of things I like and don 't like in books and characters and significant others . I know , it 's a little odd for me to be thinking about all of those things at the same time , but given the circumstances it made sense . All I 've been doing for the last two weeks ( and I am so grateful ! ) is talking about books and seeing my family and friends . And , just as we all know what we like and don 't like in books and movies , even pieces of art , we have to know what we like and dislike in people , or we could go horribly wrong in life . These lists sometimes overlap , too , but I 'm not going to go into some sort of heavy description of that because I don 't want to put implications about my life in here . But there are a few things I CAN say . I LOVE funny people - my friends are generally the people who can make me laugh . Lo and behold , I love funny books ! And I try to write funny scenes as well . What I have noticed is that it can be really hard for me to find books that really make me laugh , so when I do , I remember them . For instance , last year I read " The Breakup Bible " by Melissa Kantor , and I can still remember how much it made me laugh , even though parts of it were really serious . Good book , that one . What is the point of this ? What does it have to do with " ShivePosted by Today I get to journey to the library to visit the mom and to deliver a copy of my book to my friend Mahogany , who 's going to READ my book . Mahogany became a good friend when I got her to talk about Twilight in this documentary trailer I made when I was a film major ( shakes head ) . Anyway , she did a good job , very strong opinions on that one . Even as a big fan of the books she was able to criticize them ( mostly Bella . . . ) and so I 'm hoping that she 'll be able to do that for my book . Er . . . sort of . I think she 'll be able to tell me where I went terribly wrong ( aside from typos ) and it won 't be a quite as much of a punch in the gut coming from her . So far , I 've only gotten small criticisms , and I haven 't spoken extensively with all of those who have read the book . The ones I got from my mom were more personal , being uncomfortable reading about premarital sex when I ' VE written it , the use of certain names , etc . One friend of mine thought that Sid was a little too sketchy times , which , honestly , was kind of what I intended . Yeah I know , in some ways I 'm no better , but Sid isn 't a misogynist ! He is , well , blunt , and he isn 't afraid to invade comfort zones . He doesn 't hit on Phyllis , but he hints at things , and he 's quite a tease . What a jerk . On the other hand , he 's a great listener , a good advisor , and he clearly cares deeply about Phyllis and her family . So , we 'll see where that goes . Anyway , Sid can be dissected in another post . My friend also thought that Quincy was too encouraging of Phyllis 's feelings for Sid , but I had kind of intended that to be jokingly , the way he approached the Sid - topic all the time . Let me see if I can find an excerpt . . . hm hm hm . . . . Okay , here 's a rather long - ish one from the earlier part of the book , that 's Sid who 's speaking first : " I don 't say things that aren 't true , Philly . " He paused . " Well , not when I can help it . " Quincy entered then . " Sid ! Phyllis ! " He sat in the middle between Sid and me . " Did you have a good birthday ? " he asked me . " Lovely , " I replied . " What Posted by I told my mom , the librarian , about the reviews of Shiver and about the more and more frequent appearances of weak female characters . As per usual , the woman made a very good point , saying that she didn 't consider them weak characters . Why ? She said she couldn 't think of a young girl who can take care of herself , and pretty much everyone around her , as weak . Also , she said , in both cases ( Grace and Bella ) it was a girl who was used to taking care of everyone else finally finding someone who cared for and wanted to take care of her . Like I said , good point . I can understand that . I like that my mother and inbedwithbooks have looked at these characters from a sort of psychological perspective and explained them to me . It 's fun to talk about characters in depth . Newest goal : 7 followers . So , hurdling through the blogosphere as I often do late at night ( er , early in the morning ) I came across the review of " Shiver " on inbedwithbooks ( I better put her in my blogtastic list ) . Anyway , I never finished Shiver , not because it was a bad book but because I 'm a weird sort of non - committal reader at times , perhaps because I 've never had to return my library books on time . Also , a lot of the time when I read , I stop because I 'm like " I shouldn 't be reading ! I should be WRITING so that other people can be READING MY stuff " which is kind of silly , because reading helps writing SO MUCH . Cough , anyway . Inbedwithbooks made me want to finish Shiver with it 's very smart in - depth open review , mainly of Grace 's psychological motivations and their effect on the story and on her actions . It turned out that the review was not only a mere review but a RESPONSE to The Rejectionist 's very angry review of Shiver . I had never seen Rejectionist 's blog before so this was , I thought , an excellent opportunity to both find out more about Shiver AND see a cool new - to - me blog . Upon reading The Rejectionist 's review , which made a large number of excellent points just as inbedwithbooks did , I encountered an argument I 've been encountering since Twilight magically got popular . ( Look , they 're not bad books , but I still say Stephenie Meyer made some sort of deal with the devil to warrant their crazy success ! CRAZY SUCCESS ! ) Oh God , I hope this blog doesn 't become popular enough for me to get angry people taking " deal with the devil " seriously . . . ANYWAY - This argument is that in these popular YA novels of paranormal romance , particularly Twilight and now , Shiver , we are manufacturing a sort of newly acceptable form of misogyny . Girl will do anything to be able to devote her life and BEING to a man - what makes it acceptable and I guess , intriguing ( ? ) is that the MAN in question is some sort of supernatural hunk . Which of course , must make the situation much different than in real life , mustn 't it ? The problem is that Posted by Despite being holed up in my pajamas for most of the week , I 'm feeling rather productive today . My books were mailed out to most of the bloggers I contacted , and I sent in my long , LONG list of typos . Now I just have to hope that they agree to fix them all . ( prays ) I 'm slightly nervous about the reviews of my book - I mean , who wouldn 't be ? But I figure at least ONE blogger has to like it , and either way it might get some people to take a look at the book ( or my blog ) . I 'm also looking for bloggers who do a cover feature . The cover of my book isn 't amazing , but it 's interesting - looking , and obviously if more people see the cover more people will know the book exists . One thing that surprised me was that , while I was looking for typos , I started actually READING the book and realizing how much I feel for all the characters . I hope they don 't all sound like me , heh . Or maybe I 'm going to start sounding like them ? My mom is a fervent Diana Gabaldon fan ( though from what I hear this last book was a bit disappointing ) and every once in a while I hear her ask , " If I love the characters in that book , does that mean I 'm in love with Diana Gabaldon ? " Well , I don 't think so . But it 's hard to say , isn 't it ? How much of an author actually GOES into each character ? Creating a person , whether physically or mentally , is quite a task ( obviously if you 're doing it physically it 's a much more challenging endeavor ) . Is Edward Cullen really just a warped version of Stephenie Meyer ? What about Patch from Hush , Hush ( which I still need to read ) ? Is he really just Becca Fiztpatrick ? Did I spell her name correctly ? Were all the Austen men based on Jane Austen 's lovers ? Even for a writer , it 's hard to say . In my case , I wouldn 't suggest that I 'm anything like Sid , but that Sid is more like someone that I 'd like to meet . That 's how I generally think of characters , as people that I am finding and getting to know , or people that I want in my life . Sometimes they come out as a weird mixture of people I already know , but for the most part nobody 's bPosted by I kind of want to write a post on the sandwich I just made , because it was AMAZING . Also , I know that there are bloggers who are up late at night and crave just this sort of thing after long hours of surfing and writing . BUT this blog is not about food ! I was reading a review over on The Book Butterfly , ( which I now follow along with a zillion other book blogs that I love ) and have decided that along with Hush , Hush , Beautiful Creatures , and The Eternal Ones ( though I have to confess that The Eternal Ones is first on my list - she 's my favorite author , I can 't help it ) I must also read The Mark . Better circle January 19th on my calendar . . . At the end of the blurb and the author interview , there was a video . I assumed it was a trailer , but it turned out to be a reading of the first chapter . This turned out to be just as tantalizing , if not more . I 've watched trailers for Bliss by Lauren Myracle ( another favorite of mine ) , Kiki Strike , a book I think was called Dream Life by Lauren Mechling ( I 'm so sorry if I messed up the title or author ) , Love , Stargirl , Nineteen Minutes ( which has a WAY better ending than My Sister 's Keeper , in my opinion ) , and definitely a few more that I just can 't remember at the moment . They were all done a bit differently , and I suppose each one worked for each book ( though I haven 't read the one by Lauren Mechling ) . So now I 'm trying to decide what type of trailer would work for MY book . " A House Afire " would probably not make a great movie , but if I had actors and you know , special effects , talent in film - making , etc , I could envision a pretty cool trailer for the story . It would start with the basic description of the Sorin house , and Phyllis and Sid and what not . Sid would probably be introduced by this scene : Key hugged him , then me , and while she did , she whispered , " There ' san incredibly hunky fellow standing by the door staring at you , Phyllis . " " Dark hair ? " I whispered . " Yuh - huh . " " Leather jacket ? " I whispered hopefully . " Yuh - huh . " " Looks like he might be able to hear us ? Posted by I think I 've mentioned before how I like to make up words ? Well , I managed to find one of those in my book . I 'm debating leaving it in there , I kind of really like this one and it SOUNDS real . I think I might leave it . This is a tough decision . Hmmm . . . So , I really should be looking through my book for typos ( or like , totally sleeping ) because I got in touch with my publishers about them . But somehow it seems I was mainly concerned about Claude Rains ' name . It 's hard for me to read the book . When I don 't like it , I wonder if it 's only because I wrote it , and when I DO like it , I wonder if it 's only because I wrote it . It DOES make me happy though , when I 'm scrolling / flipping / skimming pages and a random line draws my attention ; at least then I know that this is the sort of line that would draw my attention anyway , which means that , hopefully , it 'll draw the attention of a few others as well . Also , apparently every Barnes and Noble store is a little bit different than the next , which means I get to bother them all , one by one . Mwahahahaha ! ! My next step ? To ask everyone I possibly can to go to local bookstores and libraries and ask about the book . I might give them a recommendation of what book to buy , too . I stopped by Barnes and Noble today and decided that I 'd better take a look at Hush , Hush . All I hear about Hush , Hush is that it 's amazing , sexy , thrilling . . . you get the picture . Sadly , I am but a poor student , so rather than purchase the book , I settled down and read the first 2 1 / 2 chapters . Then I told my mom to order it for the library . I have to ask her to order Beautiful Creatures as well , because that looks like one I need to read . As you can see I 've trailed away from my own book and started talking about others . It 's nice to be able to read things I really WANT to read rather than what 's REQUIRED , and so I 'm trying to take advantage of this while I can . Plus , if I 'm reading other things while I 'm looking over my OWN book , it helps me stay in the mindset of a reader rather than an author - though , of course , the two can often be interchangeable . I just have to work on that . Last night ( er , this morning ) I finished Lips Touch 3 Times , and my goodness was it beautiful . Such a gorgeous read , heartbreakingly lovely and filled with savory words . I 'm generallPosted by So , again , I feel that I should address something a reader has pointed out to me ( cough my mother cough ) . There is a scene mid - book , I 'd say , in which some jocks are making fun of Mary , one of Phyllis 's friends . Mary is going through what might be a little more than just a goth phase . I guess it 's kind of a " Mean Girls " moment . As Phyllis watches the scene unfold - the jocks ' teasing and Mary 's revenge - she describes the jock in question as Mike or Harry or Bobby and so on , giving him different names each time . This is because Phyllis tends to see jocks as a very generic brand of person . Yes , I know that being a jock isn 't a bad thing , not by any means , but in all honesty , there is most certainly one very specific section of jocks . We 've all seen them , whether we 've been friends with them or harassed by them . They call each other " fags " if one does something the other doesn 't like . They can be hilarious , and even nice , but more often than not they just act . . . well . . stupid . Again , it is admittedly a stereotype , but that doesn 't mean these guys are non - existent . The other important thing about this scene is that , well , the jocks are being just plain mean . They 're being jerks to a girl just because she looks different . This is off - putting in general but ESPECIALLY off - putting to Phyllis , who knows well what it 's like to be shunned , talked about , or made fun of by classmates ( read the Prologue ) . In elementary and middle school she had a rough time socially . Partially because of her age , and partially for , well , no reason at all . Alienation in school is a tough issue to deal with but it 's something people should be aware of . And kids like the ones in this scene contribute to it . Luckily for Phyllis , by high school she has come into herself a bit more , learned to stand her ground , and she also has a nice strong foundation of friends . This isn 't the case for everyone , however . Some people spend high school searching for who they are , and as they try on different identities , as Mary seems to be doing , they 're scorned forPosted by A couple of readers have mentioned how much they like the funny exchanges between Quincy , a resident of the house who is gay , and his two BFFs , Butch and Abe . I really enjoy writing these characters - they 're funny and smart , they 're into fashion and pop culture , there 's a lot of fun banter to be had ! Who doesn 't like fun banter ? ! But these characters can be pretty stereotypical , and I wanted to say a few things about them , before someone reads the book and possibly becomes angry . I 'm not trying to perpetuate stereotypes here - I am well aware that not all gay men are into fashion , and that they don 't all act like Stanford and Anthony from Sex and the City . I have several gay friends , and all are different , and NONE of them are defined by being gay . While stereotypical people do exist , in my mind Quincy , Abe and Butch are not just three walking stereotypes . They 're all important to me , as most of my characters are ( ALL of the characters in this book are , I think , except for Sarah Lagano 's boyfriend , Ben ) and I think of them as people . Each is his own person , and while their actions and words sometimes seem to stem from simply being gay , keep in mind that this is also what works for them . Just because their interests are common among gay men doesn 't mean that being gay is all they have , nor does it mean that their sexual orientation is insignificant . I wanted to show that none of them are afraid of being blatant about who they are , whether it has to do with hobbies , interests , or orientation . I do not intend for them to be overshadowed by " gayness , " but on the other hand , I wanted it to be known that they were proud to BE gay . Hmm . . . how can I say this without repeating myself 50 times ? Being open about orientation is something we need to be okay with , especially in America . And well , Butch , Abe and Quincy , they 're going to let people know in hopes of spreading that pattern of thought , that being gay is normal and okay ! They certainly have a sense of humor about it , and their lives suit them , not only because of their oPosted by Gah ! I found another mistake in the book . I certainly hope I can send these all in before the release date ; but if not , I 'll see who can find them all ( because obviously I couldn 't ) . THIS is why editors are so important , I 'm learning firsthand . . . I 'm not sure why I 'm posting so regularly despite not having to worry about readers at this point but , I suppose that when / if i do get them , they 'll have a lot to look over . Or something . Anyway , I 've been thinking about fear for a bit tonight . A few years ago I thought that I decided all fear originated from the fear of death . Then I thought that it must be more like fear of pain . Well , I don 't know what Freud or Jung or whoever said about fear , exactly . I only know what Roosevelt said about it . And I know that my own fears have evolved and devolved over the years . When I was little , everything scared me . The dark , being alone , losing my family , tall men , being in front of a lot of people , puppets , clowns , shadows , monsters , murderers , anything could happen at anytime , especially if my mommy wasn 't there . I can 't tell you just how easily I could get scared , especially after watching " Are You Afraid of the Dark ? " or sleeping over at a place that wasn 't my house ( and even in my own room with a night light I became afraid ) . Eventually I grew out of it , into different fears . The startling , gripping fear I felt so often as a kid ( and ran from ) became something I wanted to find , in movies and books and stories told to me . My fear list changed . It included things like scary people coming out of the TV ( after " The Ring " ) , being murdered in the shower . . . Now I find that if I think too hard about something that 's already creepy , I can scare myself , but I try to avoid it . The most recent movie that scared me was " The Blair Witch Project , " I think because of the getting lost in the woods thing . But who knows ? Simple images can bring on really frightening scenarios sometimes . The most recent book that scared me was " A Certain Slant of Light . " It 's a romantic ghost story , and the main character , a ghost , haunted people throughout their lifetimes , and if she didn 't find someone else to haunt after the person died , she 'd suddenly become trapped in what I guess was her coffin . I can handle certain ideas about afterlife ; hell , heavenPosted by This is a little early , but if you read my book , you may notice frequent mentions of and references to Hannibal Lecter . This is simply because Thomas Harris is my hero . I know very little about him , only how his stories have affected me and so many others . You know , by scaring the sheet out of us . I love pretty much all the books and all the movies , differences aside . I do have something to say about " Hannibal , " though . This may not really seem to pertain to MY book , but really , the stories have had a big influence , and Hannibal and Clarice are one of the best . . . oh , hold onSPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERTstrong woman and monstrous sort of man couples in literature . Admit it . Monstrous men can be pretty sexy . Okay , so maybe that 's not the common view of Dr . Lecter , but look at how well vampire romance does out there ? Sid and Phyllis from my book are an EXTREMELY inappropriate couple ( and they won 't be a couple just yet ) but , well , that 's one of the things that makes the attraction between them bigger . And thicker . Anyway , being a college student , I recently had to write a couple final papers . Blegh . Luckily , one of them was on " The Silence of the Lambs , " which after " Rosemary 's Baby , " is my favorite horror book / movie . I spent a ton of time skimming articles online about the books and the characters and such , and I was surprised at some of the things I read about Hannibal . Er , " Hannibal , " the book . Now , if you have not read the book but you have seen the movies , you might know that Jodie Foster declined to work on " Hannibal " because of the way Clarice Starling is treated . . . and she never really finds her way out of it , in the film . Jodie said something like she " couldn 't trample " on Clarice 's character . The best thing that happens in that movie aside in terms of Clarice is that Paul Krendler gets eaten . That guy was an asshole , I don 't know if I can think of a bigger asshole in literature right now . ( I should probably name someone from " A Tale of Two Cities " or something , but I 'm noPosted by So , since someone might actually read this : ) I thought I would share a bit more valuable information . Let me reiterate some things : The book is published by a small publisher . I was pretty much the editor . So I have to take full responsibility for what I am about to say : I spelled Claude Rains ' name incorrectly in the book . I spelled it C - L - A - U - D . ( hangs head in shame ) But , hopefully I can get it changed before the book is officially released , which is in February . Aside from me being enormously negligent and rather idiotic . . . well , typos DO occur . And given the poor editation of this book by myself ( yeah I know , sometimes I make up words ) , well , expect them . Okay ? EXPECT TYPOS , THERE WILL BE TYPOS , THE BOOK ISN ' T OFFICIALLY RELEASED YET . I can 't believe I left the e out of Claude Rains . I have a Casablanca poster next to my bedroom door ! ! Perhaps we can blame Phyllis , my narrator . Technically she 's the one talking , isn 't she ? And she 's not really a reader , I 've noticed . I bet she 'll get there though . I better stop before I start talking about the future of these characters before anyone even gets to know them ! Jesse : " How goes bloggin ' ? " Me : " Good . " Jesse : " Awesome . " Me : " Getting paranoid . My parents are reading the book . What if they like . . . " Jesse : " Hate it ? And f * * king stab you ? " Me : " . . . find secret parts of my subconscious in there ? . . . And THEN they hate it , and f * * king stab me ? ! " Jesse : " Because stabbing is the first instinct of people when they don 't like a book . " . . . . . . . . . . . I hope Jesse 's wrong . . . . I have been looking at blogs all evening ! I was happy to see so many . . . sometimes I irrationally worry about the future of books . I read this terrifying ( and REAL ) article about a university 's library making everything digital . . . and getting rid of ALL THE BOOKS . But , tonight has reassured me greatly . The internet supports books , books support the internet , and I can spread the word while sitting in my bedroom . ( Thumbs up . ) I heart book bloggers . I think that eventually I 'll start talking about books other than my own here , but first I have to finish talking about mine . My book , I think , can be approached from any angle and appreciated by any age . But if you find teenage girls annoying , well , I 'll still recommend trying it out but I supposed that leaves the possibility of a terrible reading experience . Phyllis , however , is not a typical teenager . Actually , let me pause . I feel kind of bad even saying a typical teenager exists . Look at all the books out there ! All the characters are different , and all the teenagers I 've met are different . I used to HATE when people used to say I did things because I was a teenager . I think one of the statements that pissed me off the most was my English teacher telling us we were all lumps of clay that he had the privilege of helping shape . I 'm sure it sounded wise to some , but to me it just felt condescending . ( But then again he always seemed like he 'd walked right out of Dead Poets Society or Freedom Writers or one of those inspirational teacher movies . Heh , sorry if you 're reading this right now . Hope you 're taking those things as a compliment and you read my book ! Cough . ) Probably because I was a teenager . No , just kidding . I am not ever going to chalk up anyones actions to being a teenager , at least , not ONLY to being a teenager . Okay , moving on from one rant to the next , Phyllis is not a typical PERSON or TEENAGER because of her experiences and also because of her friends . Part of the book is Phyllis seeing what a lot of other teens are like , which is especially important because prevPosted by So , I 'm probably not allowed to say this . And I really shouldn 't . It 's so damn hard to get published , and I don 't even have any real fans or readers yet ! Aside from a few friends , and ( cringe ) my parents - and who knows , maybe they 're just reading out of the goodness of their hearts ! What my publisher does is a wonderfully American and noble idea - they pretty much publish anyone ! And you don 't have to pay them , and BOOM , you 're on Barnes and Noble 's website . Yay ! ! But , this is not to say that being published still isn 't expensive . No . Far from it , my friends . Today , I got an email from them saying , " We 'll send your book to STEPHEN KING ! ! ! . . . . that is , if you buy 14 copies at a discount price TODAY ! " Mind you , I 've already purchased 19 copies , and the damn book costs about 35 bucks . Is that not ridiculous ? ! I 'm a college student ! I could never buy the book ! This is with parental help , plus I 'm the one who wrote the thing . And they keep sending emails like that . They 'll send books to the troops , to the TODAY show , to anyone ! . . . if I 'll just buy X number of books for X percent off . Getting published is clearly for rich people , and maybe I should have waited until I had a job . On the other hand , I 'm loving that I didn 't have to self - publish ( whew ) , that I can be extremely involved in the editing and the PR , and that I actually have an opportunity to see my book on shelves ! And I can say I 'm an author . AND I 've even gotten to talk to other authors ! The advertising emails to me are even rather helpful . They help me think of ways I can distribute the book myself and help advertise it . I 'm desperately trying to get a blogger to review the book , and even I 'm lucky I can at least get the local newspaper to do it . As I 've said , I 'm not expecting to sell many copies of this book ( though I 'm going to call every store and pull every string ) . My hope , for this one , is to get my name out there , to get some experience that I can use in the future , and then write something else , something even better ( either that or something gimmicky ) aPosted by This is what it says on the back of my book : Phyllis Sorin has seen all sorts of people . With two kind Aunts who rent out the rooms of their house to anyone in need , the people she calls family are a little different from most . There 's Bill , who takes on the personalities of movie characters . There 's Quincy , whose best friend is a drag queen . There 's Anna , an opera singer and kung - fu master . And Phyllis , well , she 's not exactly normal herself . But even as she begins to navigate high school 's social jungle , Phyllis finds comfort and humor in her odd home . When Dominick Siddons moves in , however , all of Phyllis 's priorities become inferior to finding out his secret . A young lawyer with a vicious wit and ferocious temper , Sid may understand Phyllis in a way no one else can . And through truth and fiction , through the inevitable chaos of the house , Phyllis finds much more than she bargained for . That 's what I wrote for them to put on the back . One thing I 've noticed , and far before even finishing this book , is how tough it is to capture a whole story 's essence in a few little paragraphs . I mean , for really well - known authors it doesn 't always matter . Stephen King , we get the jist of it ( and we 've probably already seen the movie version ) . Harry Potter , Twilight , at this point we can just find someone to ask about them . And I suppose those plots are pretty straight - forward - both are pretty good books with very clear genres and stories . I guess my problem is that I took a bunch of my ideas and through them into a story ; it just seemed to work for me . When people ask me what my book is about , I find myself always saying something different . " Well , it 's almost like you 're living with this girl for a year or so and learning about her home and her life . " " It 's about a girl who lives with her Aunts , and her Aunts rent out their house to a lot of different people , so a lot of crazy events ensue . " " It 's kind of like Hey Arnold , do you remember that show ? " " It 's about a girl who breathes fire and falls in love with a werewPosted by So , since my current publisher is a relatively small company , I 'm getting a very unique opportunity to do most of my own public relations ! Exciting ! Okay fine , so I 'd rather have an agent and a publicist , and huge posters in Barnes and Noble advertising my coming book . The best I can do right now , however , is have posters made ( or make them myself ) , send lots of emails , make some phone calls , and possibly mail some copies . Not to mention leave them around . Oh yes . They will be around campus , around town , and if I travel , they 'll be around Europe and South America too ! What I 've been doing tonight is sending emails and bugging friends about blogs and other news sources . Not a lot of luck so far , but I 'm emailing just about anyone I can think of , so I have to get at least ONE response about something ! And on Monday , I can call newspapers , news stations , radio stations . . . well , we 'll see what happens . One author 's journey into the wide and highly sought world of advertising ! As for reading , which I 'm doing in an effort to hold onto my small amount of relative sanity , I 've gotten into Sherlock Holmes thanks to my mom the Librarian and the amazing movie that 's just come out . Good stuff . I definitely have big plans for Bill to be Sherlock . Oh , Bill ? He 's a character in my book . He has a bit of a psychological disorder combined with a film obsession ; he spends all of his time watching movies and then taking on personalities of movie characters . You 'd think this might be harmful at times , you know , if he watches The Silence of the Lambs or The Shining . But luckily Bill is very limited by his surroundings and what must be the real person inside him , and he 's never hurt anyone . Quite the opposite in fact . He 's a lot of fun to write , probably because I get to sort of steal other peoples ' characters and write them in my own way . That might be worrisome in terms of copyright laws at some point , but I 'm not going to concern myself until enough people start reading the book to notice . This may never happen , so there 's nothing for me Posted by Phyllis Sorin has seen all sorts of people . With two kind Aunts who rent out the rooms of their house to anyone in need , the people she calls family are a little different from most . There 's Bill , who takes on the personalities of movie characters . There 's Quincy , whose best friend is a drag queen . There 's Anna , an opera singer and kung - fu master . And Phyllis , well , she 's not exactly normal herself . But even as she begins to navigate high school 's social jungle , Phyllis finds comfort and humor in her odd home . When Dominick Siddons moves in , however , all of Phyllis 's priorities become inferior to finding out his secret . A young lawyer with a vicious wit and ferocious temper , Sid may understand Phyllis in a way no one else can . And through truth and fiction , through the inevitable chaos of the house , Phyllis finds much more than she bargained for .
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Today , I was walking back and forth on the second floor of my condo listening to worship , trying to be still before the Lord . When I looked out of the north side window , it was foggy . But when I turned and looked out of the south side window , it was sunny . The Lord was speaking to me in this . Here are a few verses that will be covered and can be referenced in His word : " David said , ' How pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity ' . " - Psalm 133 : 1 " The disciples were arguing and asked Jesus , ' Who is the greatest among us ' ? " - Luke 9 : 46 , Luke 22 : 24 " Jesus said , ' The greatest among you will be your servant . For those who exalt themselves will be humbled , and those who humble themselves will be exalted ' . " - Matthew 23 : 11 - 12During services and our weeks , the house we belong to should be walking within the same weather patterns . This If we are not , there is something wrong and I believe we need to address this . Not everyone is an extroverted freelance dancer who jumps and shouts at the sound of every guitar strung in worship . However , it is at times , the stillest of beings , whose heart is so still before the Lord , crying out in the loudest whisper , " Lord , I need you ! Lord , I desire you ! " What if the front of the house of the Lord would be overwhelmed with joy , while the back of the house is in despair and discouragement ? It is such a weird idea but just as the mere 50 feet from the north side to the south side windows showed different weather , so to , can the house and family we are connected with daily and weekly . Just think about any great storm , battle , difficulty that has been experienced by a group of people . At the time , it seems to be one of the hardest things to be going through . Yet , in the end , all of the people are closer then they ever were before . Look at the NBA for example . Last season , Stephen Curry and the Golden State Warriors were in the Championship battle against LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers . Both teams pushed with all that they had . After a grueling season of games , they were down to the FNew Year , New Heart : Your Brokenness Is Welcome Here The anticipation of a new year is quickly filling up social media news feeds and the majority of us are finding ourselves jotting down resolutions and wondering how 2016 flew by so quickly . While some resolutions may include diets , financial savings , or just a healthier lifestyle in general , I want to be really honest and share what 2017 will look like for me . The past year has seen struggles , blessings , closed doors , and opened windows , but through all of this it has made me realize that my heart has only been partially open for God to come in . While I 've seen God working in my life , I 've also had to admit to myself that I 'm still a broken human being . Our flesh tries to tell us that we can heal our brokenness on our own , if we can make our lives perfect in every other area than we can eventually mend whats broken inside . The enemy tries to force us into believing that we will never overcome our pain , that we will be held in bondage . He tricks us into believing that " it is what it is " and the captivity we 're being held in is all we will ever know . The enemy also scares us into thinking that the world won 't accept us as the mess we are with all of our flaws . But Paul tells us " It is for freedom that Christ has set us free " ( Galatians 5 : 1 ) . He didn 't say WILL set us free , He said HAS set us free . It 's already been done , we 've already been set free from the bondage of brokenness , shame , guilt , confusion , anxiety , worry , fear , loneliness , and whatever other lie the enemy is trying to convince you of . As I begin to think of what 2017 will bring for me , all I want to do is run towards God and His purpose for my life . Not walk , but RUN . You see , my moment of realization came from a bathroom stall in a nightclub . Standing on the dance floor surrounded by tons of people , I felt lonely . I knew tears were about to come crashing down so I bolted for the bathroom . Once I got into the stall I let the first tear come down . . and I couldn 't stop . I was heartbroken because all of these things that I had triedaTimeforChangeMovementJanuary 02 , 2017 Recently , I was asked to house - sit for my friends and one of the days , I peered out of the window and saw a tree with beautiful , different colored leaves . " Wow , I guess the fall season does happen in Florida . It just happens in November , " I thought to myself . Where I was raised , up in Long Beach , New York , we have fall in September and October , not usually the end of November . Despite the fact that I have been at this house probably fifty times plus , I had never realized the leaves on the tree . And as this was going on , I felt the Lord speaking to me about the beauty in finding Him in all seasons . Sometimes , the times and seasons we were so used to , change . And we have to learn to realize where He is , even though the sunrises , sunsets , days and months change , for each season . People often talk about seasons and for a while , I thought they were the cause for ups - and - downs in the Christian walk . But in this moment , I realized , that is not the truth . Ups - and - Downs occur because we take our eyes off of God , for one reason or another , and usually focus on something that is not life - giving at all . " Jesus said , ' I am the vine and you are the branches , whoever abides in me and I in him , he it is that bears much fruit , for apart from me you can do nothing . " - John 15 : 5For me , summer is my favorite season . The weather is warm , the ocean is warm , people seem friendlier and life is just more apparent . But on a dietary scale , there some amazing fruits . My favorite is cantaloupe ; grapes , watermelon , blueberries and raspberries are not too far behind . But that is only for the summer season . If I was to try and grow and eat any of those fruits in the winter , they would A ) not grow B ) taste horrible . This is due to the temperatures , the richness of the soil and the amount of sunlight needed to create this fruit . But after summer , comes fall . And in the fall , we have apples , sweet potatoes and pears . What I am trying to get at , is different fruits come in different seasons . When we go into these seasons , instead of walking into themaTimeforChangeMovementDecember 23 , 2016 Today , I was reading the Bible while listening to some of Misty Edwards worship ( this is a big suggestion when studying ) . Recently , a few of us have started using Strong 's Concordance when reading the Bible . What the Concordance does , is it takes a word in English and says what Hebrew or Greek word it was translated from . Today , I was jumping around in Psalms and I ended up backtracking to 1 Chronicles . " And the Ark of God remained with the household of Obed - edom in his house three months . And the LORD blessed the household of Oded - edom and all that he had . " - 1 Chronicles 13 : 14 The word I want to highlight is " bless . " According to Strong 's , this word in Hebrew is barak . We would stop at the translation but the definition is not always the same as we would say in English . Barak , does mean " to bless " but it also means " to kneel " . Last year , Housefires and Pat Barrett wrote a song called Good Good Father . They express how our Father is so good ! Well in this word Greek word " barak 's " meaning , I can see our God getting down on a knee to be beside us in all times . Growing up , when I wasn 't six feet tall , my dad would sometimes come and kneel down besides me . Sometimes , he brought food or snacks or gifts brought back from a business trip . Sometimes , it was to help me tie my shoe . Sometimes it was to hug me when I was scared at night of the Witches I thought were outside my window . Sometimes it was to assure me I am going to be okay even when I physically did not feel so good . What I am basically trying to get across , is that our Father wants to bless us . And I believe , because of Jesus , we are receiving blessings all day , everyday . However , its not always in the physical gifts that the world is so often used to calling " a blessing . " It may be to comfort in time of loss . Strengthen in times of battle and despair . Encourage when depressed or shameful . To lift up when the world has torn us down . No matter what it is , Our Father gets down on His knee , to bless us , His children . Where is He blessing you today ? I pray today aaTimeforChangeMovementNovember 25 , 2016 Last night I was talking to God ( praying ) and He was speaking about the importance of Thanksgiving and the importance of walking out the Opposites in Negatives . He said , " When you are lacking energy , go do something that requires energy . When you are feeling selfish , go serve someone . When you are bitter , jealous or angry , go love that person . " But in regards to thanksgiving , I felt the Lord speaking about the fact that in this world , thanksgiving is the response of receiving something . But in the Supernatural , spiritual nature , Thanksgiving can be the realization that all is under control and the trust that it is all working to the good of those who love God . This morning , as I sat there , eating breakfast , I was thinking about the amazing food I had last night , but how many people didn 't get to eat last night . I am so blessed to have my family , friends , work , food , shelter . But sometimes I find it hard to appreciate being blind in one of my eyes , having a brain trauma injury , losing friends and family members I love and care about dearly . However , even in the midst of our lives being in turmoil , if we can create the discipline of always being in Thanksgiving , we can turn this life around . I want to encourage you , just like Paul , to REJOICE ALWAYS ! When it is difficult , cry out to Jesus . Not the Jesus who the world says is a killjoy , a loser , a list of rules . But the Jesus who heals the woman who was bleeding for 12 years . The Jesus who healed the blind man . The Jesus who gave bread to the man who was stortly to betray Him . And the Jesus who went to the Cross to die for our sins , to come back and give us the life and strength and love we do not deserve but have been given freely , because of His amazing Love ! Praise Jesus . Let us give thanks to Him for all ! And let us follow Him into the light of heavenly realms and eternal life . One of the greatest opportunities we have to shine the light in this world occurs during the times of indifference with someone . Well recently , I was in a bit of an indifference while surfing in a spot I have been going to for years . Just so happened I cut someone off , similar to cutting someone off in traffic . This guy was pissed ! Before we both got back out to the lineup , there were obscenities flying my direction and to be honest , was not sure whether or not a physical altercation was going to happen ( not my plan ) . Hearing all of the words being yelled in anger , I decided to approach the surfer and asked him what was wrong . He explained what I had done . NOW , in these sorts of situations , we have really two ways of reacting . We either fuel the flame of anger with more anger ( from me ) OR we apologize and seek to make this situation a peaceful one . All praises to Jesus , I decided to go the peaceful route . I apologized and told him my plans were not to cause any hostility or make anyone uncomfortable or unwelcome to this surf spot . He said that an apology was all he wanted . We continued surfing and right before he got out , he paddled up to me and said , " Hey man , I just wanted to apologize for overreacting earlier . " This was such an amazing thing ! Honestly , it blows my mind that someone tried to fight me , seeing as I seek to be a peaceful and genuine person . But to see a once angry and frustrated person reminds me that in this world , we are not called to change peoples hearts . Jesus does that . But what we are called to do , is to walk according to how Jesus walked ; this is , in part what it means to follow someone . To love God and to love one another . All glory and praise to Jesus for this desire to bring peace into the situation ! Go out and LOVEONEHEARTATATIME ! I wanted to just encourage you this afternoon with a little Psalmage ( Psalms + age = Psalmage ) . " The Lord looks down from heaven ; he sees all the children of men ; from where he sits enthroned he looks out on all the inhabitants of the earth , he who fashions the hearts of them all and observes their deeds . " ( Psalm 33 : 13 - 15 ) Not sure what is going on in your lives but you have all done and gone through some amazing things . Some hard , some easy , but they all brought you to who you are today and for that , I thank Jesus ! He has helped us through so much so no matter what you may face or are facing today , the Lord sees you and He is aware of it all ! How much amazingness does he have ? Well in Psalm 33 : 7 ( a few verses before ) , it reads , " He gathers the waters of the sea as a heap ; he puts the deeps in storehouses . " Wow ! God takes the seas and just puts them in storehouses ? Just like that ? Yes ! And He is going to take your difficulties and not just crush them and give you grace and strength but He is going to make room for the storehouses He has prepared for you to be opened and flow into your life . For some , it is going to be promotions , relationships , financial blessing , restored relationships , renewal in parts of your mind you never thought possible and so much more . This is long , I know but I am not sorry . May it be an encouragement to you and your heart ! This past Tuesday , we collaborated with a local Community to go out and feed the homeless in Jacksonville , Florida . We had two cars and six people . For about an hour , we prepared and left the house of preparation with : > 40 hard boiled eggs > 50 chocolate chip cookies ( homemade ) > 50 Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches > 60 water bottlesAs we parked in the downtown Jacksonville Area , we walked by a few construction workers and many business people . Yet , in the midst of all of this business , there were fifty , if not more , homeless people gathered in the middle of Hemming Park . From young kids all the way up to older men and women , there was many mouths to feed and many hearts to lift up . Joel , one of the leaders of this Community , would administer prayers for healing to the hurting . One woman was healed of neck pain and another of jaw pain . Praise God ! We had the chance to talk with and hear stories . One great one , was from a man named Ned . Talking with Ned , he explained that he was well aware of the love of God . He would quote Bible verses left and right . But when asked why he was out in the park , his mom , who was right next to him , said , " Alcohol . " What a sad fact . However , this is something that consumes many lives in this world . One from our group ended up praying with Ned and before we left , gave him a pair of Polarized sunglasses , as his eyes were very glossy ( possibly glaucoma ) . Continue to pray for Ned 's addiction to alcohol and for him to lean upon Jesus for all the strength and wisdom to leave this situation . Well , I can 't make the title any more self explanatory . We are heading to Mizata , El Salvador with a group of physical therapists , a doctor of osteopathy , a spine surgeon , pre - med students , nurses , assistances , surfers and a videographer . This is the first time that some of us will be going on this medical mission trip but for others this is an yearly occurrence that excites all ! From Costa Rica , Nicaragua , Ecuador and more , a good friend Dr . Todd Bourgeois has been planning and putting on these trips for years . It is with pleasure to be able to collaborate with them this year , to go love and serve the needy in a third world country . Many countries in this world are not fortunate enough to have the most basic of medical attention . When a child is sick or person of older age is in need of assistance to be mobile , they just have to work with what they 've got . Sometimes it is enough but not always . We will be traveling with over ten physical therapy tables , food , clothes , hygiene products , vitamins and more . Jesus said , " When you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters , you were doing it to me ! " This is a verse often leading us with aTimeForChangeMovement to go out and do missions and outreach . Typically , we are within the United States but are excited to step out across borders . This is an opportunity to love those who are in need but we believe that God is going to do so much more within the hearts and mind of each person going on this trip . For healings of brokenness and restorations of peoples identity , to see who God has intended each of them to be . Jesus will be proclaimed and He is already there , moving greatly ! We are excited to ask for and we are expecting more . He is the way , the truth and the life and the foundation of this movement . This week , many are going to come to know and surrender to the love of King Jesus ! ! This morning , during prayer , God spoke the word " pergi . " Upon searching for its meaning , it came up that it is an Indonesian word meaning " Go . " Jesus sends us outA Modern Day Abraham From Kentucky One morning I was at work and a man walked in named Joe . Joe was from Kentucky . I could only understand a few words that he said but when He spoke , it was profound and from God . He told me how he was on vacation and how he wanted to get some information about surfing for his kids . Right off the bat , I knew this man was a family man . He was up early working to entertain the family . Joe told me how he worked in the coal mines and explained there have been some tough times where had lost his job and how he thought he was going to lose his job recently . But he said that when he did lose his job , he had to give it all to God . And this is where the inspiration started . We started talking more about the need to surrender everything up to God , especially when things get tough . He told me how when his son was younger , he had chronic pancreatitis and no one could figure out why it was happening . " We went to doctors all over but no one was able to help my son . " As Joe watched his child live in agonizing pain , he said it broke his heart . " I couldn 't do anything . I remember sitting beside him and all I could do was lift him up to God ; I felt like Abraham lifting Isaac up on the mountain . I said , ' God , if your will is to take him , Let Your will be done . Just please take this pain away ' . " Within a few days , he received a call from a long haired doctor ( sounded like he may have been a hippie ) with some news about someone who would do a surgery to heal him . The surgery taught his kidneys how to produce insulin because his pancreas was not . I do not understand nor claim to understand how this works but with God , ALL things are possible . Joe said his son is now in his teens and he is healthy and completely fine . His son gets yearly check up but everything is good . Sometimes I try to figure out what God is doing . Okay I lied . Most of the time I try to figure out what God is doing . But He doesn 't always let me in on what surprises are around the corner . Joe was such an encouragement because in the midst of trials and temptations to falaTimeforChangeMovementJuly 14 , 2016 On this 4th of July I had the privilege of running up and down the beach in search of Allan , a 10 - year - old child who was missing . I was able to locate him a few miles down and get him back safely to his family . The mom and aunt were running towards me crying because they thought their child was lost but was found . As I was leaving the family , the Lord brought to my attention His heart and how it hurts because He sees many of His children wandering throughout this world , confused , lost and fearful . Caught up in so many things that are so trivial in comparison to eternity and His plan for our lives . We are most certainly blessed to be living in the United States , a country where we have freedom . But just as we shouldn 't ever take our physical , humanitarian freedoms for granted , I pray we don 't ever take the spiritual freedoms found in the Cross of Jesus Christ for granted either . Life was meant to be lived in Spiritual freedom and in close Communion with The Lord ; renewed minds , restored hearts , healed bodies , freed souls . I pray that if you feel like your life is going in circles and you don 't know where to go , look up to the Heavens , believe and ask Jesus to forgive , direct and set you free . He loves you and He wants to bring you back home ! " If the Son sets you free , you are free indeed . " - John 8 : 36 The other day I was praying and God told me that I would meet someone today and I was to pray for them . Okay ! Arriving upon one of my jobs , there was a woman sitting outside . " I am just resting for a moment , " she said nervously . I said it was fine if she wanted to stay . After walking into the shop I work at , I felt I was to welcome her in . She respectfully declined but I sat down with her and we spoke about our faith ; for SEVEN HOURS ! This woman was homeless but if I had not known that , my thoughts would have been that she was a pastor or the wife of a pastor ; theologically sound and experienced much within her relationship with the Lord . But something happened to her , and among the 95 % of the amazing things she was talking about , 5 % were just of utter despair . It broke my heart and even caused me to cry for a bit . She told me that she had been in just a great confusion and she was struggling to come back to the Lord . Wow , what a sad thing . But we got to talk about amazing things that God has done and is doing . The beautiful sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus Christ and the need of the baptism of the Holy Spirit . " It is vital that you have a relationship with God , this is the most important thing . He is all about having a relationship with us . " What a beautiful thing . God is a Father . This is truth . And He is an amazing Father . So what Father , wouldn 't want to have a relationship with His Sons and Daughters ? The answer is no father . As we are called to new places in life , I pray that we all learn to spend time with God the Father . Thank Jesus Christ for His death and resurrection to new life . And walk according to the Holy Spirits leading . There is a beautiful unity within the Holy Trinity . I pray we all spend time in the Word of God ( the Bible ) and we walk where He leads . This is the time to change this world . To bring Heaven to Earth . Jesus , when teaching how to pray said , " Your Kingdom come , Your will be done , on Earth as it is in Heaven . " Let us be this reality of God 's love today and all days . WeSMILE : ITS TIME FOR YOU TO PUT ON YOUR SMILE A few days ago , I was driving through the downtown area and I passed a woman wearing a sweatshirt that read " Smile . " I was on my way to church and for some reason , this really struck me . I started to think : How often are we smiling ? Do we make sure we are smiling ? Do we realize how much our smile speaks to others and changes the situations we are in ? My brother told me he once read something about how when you are depressed or sad , to bite on a pencil . The reason for this is that it forces you to smile . Within a few seconds , your whole focus can change because of your smiling . The reason I want to write about this is because I do not believe that God has created us to live upset or with sadness . Don 't get me wrong , it is alright to grieve at times , but to be sad is not okay with God our Father . In the Old Testament , the Jewish people were given things to do to try and atone ( pay for ) their sins ; animal sacrifices , fasting , lighting of incense . But in the end , people came up short . We could never meet the perfection that God requires us to meet as His children . This is why , I believe , He sent Jesus . Jesus came down to live the perfection God requires and then , He willingly gave His life up to be a sacrifice for us ; to be the atoning sacrifice , or the perfect sacrifice . Because of this act , we can be forgiven of our sins and receive back our true rights , inheritance , potential , sonship and daughtership with our Father and Creator . THIS should cause us to Smile ! THIS should immediately and always bring us joy . When we receive and remember the love of the Omniscient , Omnipresent God , the difficulty in smiling and having joy will become an impossibility . I want to lift you all up and encourage you to know that God loves you and is with you always ( Biblical ) . His Holy Sprit is speaking to you , sometimes you just have to listen and quiet the rest of the world around you . And the sacrifice of Jesus Christ is your free ticket to freedom , joy and a life greater than you could ever imagine . It is not okay to not smileIt isaTimeforChangeMovementApril 01 , 2016 Some people go to church and are spoken to by their leaders about how bad the world is getting . Where is the hope ? Where is the trust in God ? Why aren 't they realizing the Heaven inside of them instead of the circumstances around them ? I think this comes back to a much needed look into the heart and intent of a father for His children . Why would he send His Son ( Jesus Christ ) who then sent His Spirit ( Holy Spirit ) to dwell inside of us to just stay like most people of the world ; in fear , worry , anxiety and doubt . No , this should not be so . Jesus said I come to give life and life to the fullest ; while the enemy ( the devil ) comes to seek , kill and destroy . I think our words and homilies and sermons for some churches need to change . We are to be fountains of living water , not vessels of destruction . You are to be lifted up and encouraged by your brothers and sisters , not torn down in despair and fear and uncertainty . God has a plan for your life ! It is good . It is beautiful and amazing . While some assume the world is going to hell , I am seeing more celebrities , friends and family members coming to follow Jesus Christ . I don 't know about you , but I am pretty stoked for what God is about to do in this world ! Never would I have guessed I would be hanging out with ex - gang members on a Sunday morning . Sometimes we are led to uncomfortable situations but if we are to be the light in this world , trusting and walking in Gods leading is vital . " . . . whoever says he abides in Him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked . " So the other day I got to hang with two homeless guys ; one an ex - Latin King and the other an ex - Hells Angel . We got to talk about love , forgiveness and friendship , over three cup of coffee and a breakfast sandwich . Let us step out today and love somebody ! God is an amazing God and Father . He knows our hearts and our desires because He created us in His own image ! Throughout all of our lives , I believe , that He wants us to come to know His love for us , to grow in relationship with Him and to carry heaven wherever we go . When we are called or moved by the Holy Spirit , it is for reason , not coincidence . God has set up a will for each and every one of ours lives so every path we are called to , He has already paved out and visited . Grace and mercy have been laid out in front of us . The difficulty , is being led to move by the Spirit , can sometimes be different and out of our comfort zone . But this move will help grow us in many ways . TRUST | FAITH | HOPE : When we move out of our comfort zone , we are taking a leap ; to know that what God is leading us into , is not for nothing . We also are not called to go on this journey alone . Sometimes , I feel , when we step out , that is when we come to meet the reality of how close God truly is . FAITH : Circumstances play a HUGE role in affecting what we are called into . The way we have been raised in this world , is that we look at what we have , and base what we can do on that . With God , we need to look at His inventory , and know that ALL THINGS , He created . ALL THINGS , belong to Him . So that when we we look at our circumstances , bank accounts , material possessions , we can know that if its a God calling , He will take care of you ! HOPE : What I love about being called and led , is knowing that God has the best plans for our lives and that He is showing us those plans ! It is not about what we think will be best for us , it is about knowing that He knows what is best for us . It is a different way of thinking but I believe that when we begin to align our minds and our hearts with heaven and the heart of God , that we will see dreams become realities , miracles like no other and mountains moving in all of our lives ! Sometimes in life we find ourself either on the wrong path , or on the right path yet feeling alone . In my life , I sometimes forget to acknowledge the very one who created the path ( God ) . He is always with you / us no matter what . God said in Deuteronomy , " NEVER will I leave you , NEVER will I forsake you . " God does not lie ! If there are any feelings that you are alone , remember that you are loved and never will be alone . Take into account the beauty around you on the path , remember who created that all and never forget the light of Jesus , whether it be ahead or in front of you . You are the light of this world and this path , if your following Him , is Gods will for your life . You may be lighting up the darkness of someones life and are unaware . YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE LIVING GOD AND HE SEEKS ONLY TO BE WITH YOU . You are never Alone ! ! If God didn 't love us there would be : No beautiful sunrises and sunsets , just yellow skies . No cool breezes at the perfect time during a long day in the heat , just more heat . No relaxing crisp ocean scent and sound , just the every present smell of low tide . No singing of the birds in the morning , just the loud disruption of lawn mowers and garbage trucks . But because of Gods beauty we do have all things . These are some of the simplest treasures we experience each day . But may we never forget the One Beauty that combines all of those things and is above all . The Cross . On the Cross , Jesus Christ came as a sign of Gods love , mercy , forgiveness , grace , compassion , gentleness ( and more ) for us all . Of course God wants you to enjoy His creations , but what if there is more beauties to this life ? There is , it 's found in a relationship with God made available through believing in Jesus Christ as your Savior and friend . " Taste and see that the Lord is good , blessed are all who take refuge in Him . " - Psalm 34 : 8Man what a beautiful time it was seeing the first lights of the day . Was able to worship the Creator while enjoying His creations . God is such a rad God and Father . I realized this morning that so much of the world tells us lies and tries to deceive us . From diets to fashion to gossip . But how important it is to know the true worth and value of who you are . Seek God and take refuge in Him ; not just in the bad times but the good . Remember He sent His Son to die for you , and allows Holy Spirit to indwell inside of you ! Seeking God through Jesus Christ puts you in a whole new definition of value . Know that you are valued . You are loved . And you are now ready for whatever the day brings your way ! I often look back at where my life used to be , and how radical my life was and how I didn 't care about anyone but myself . If it didn 't involve Marcus , I wanted no part of it . I always knew about God because my family was really involved in church , but Jesus was never really my own . I never really knew Him , but I was very familiar with what others thought of Him . Life to me was about hurting others , getting girls , being rebellious , and partying . But then , there was a night I went to a youth conference and got really encouraged , but didn 't experience change . Once I got back , maybe a week later , I had band practice . After practice in the church parking lot , my team and I just started worshiping , and it lasted for about 2 - 3 hours . As I began to see God touch people , I decided to give it a try , and not long after I was in tears and all I could say was , " Jesus if you can do anything with my life , please just take it . I surrender my whole life to You , and I want You to make my heart Your home . " After that moment , I was totally set free . Some of you may be wondering what does this have to do with loving one heart at a time , and I would like to propose to you it has everything to do with loving people . You can 't give what you don 't have , and if you haven 't first experienced the Fathers love you wont be able to show His true love to others . I said His TRUE love , because a lot of us once lived like I did , and just heard the word on the street that Jesus Loves us , and we share His love out of what we 've heard out of gossip , and not out of what we 've experienced in our own lives . We are the light of the world , therefore , don 't be surprised if you 're in dark places and people see your light and are drawn to you . It would be a tragedy if these people see your light and they come to the Fathers love account , and you have nothing for them to withdraw from , because you haven 't first allowed Him to make deposits in your own life . I have only known God to be a Father , and I 've heard so much about Him , yetaTimeforChangeMovementOctober 09 , 2015 On behalf of the A Time For Change Movement , we would like to take this time to Welcome You to the ATFCM Family ! You will receive monthly emails with updates , news , events and encouraging stories . Thank you for your heart and we seek to get you connected to an outreach , let us grow this Kingdom of God together ! A Time For Change Movement , Inc . is a qualified 501 ( c ) ( 3 ) tax - exempt organization
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Today , I was walking back and forth on the second floor of my condo listening to worship , trying to be still before the Lord . When I looked out of the north side window , it was foggy . But when I turned and looked out of the south side window , it was sunny . The Lord was speaking to me in this . Here are a few verses that will be covered and can be referenced in His word : " David said , ' How pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity ' . " - Psalm 133 : 1 " The disciples were arguing and asked Jesus , ' Who is the greatest among us ' ? " - Luke 9 : 46 , Luke 22 : 24 " Jesus said , ' The greatest among you will be your servant . For those who exalt themselves will be humbled , and those who humble themselves will be exalted ' . " - Matthew 23 : 11 - 12During services and our weeks , the house we belong to should be walking within the same weather patterns . This If we are not , there is something wrong and I believe we need to address this . Not everyone is an extroverted freelance dancer who jumps and shouts at the sound of every guitar strung in worship . However , it is at times , the stillest of beings , whose heart is so still before the Lord , crying out in the loudest whisper , " Lord , I need you ! Lord , I desire you ! " What if the front of the house of the Lord would be overwhelmed with joy , while the back of the house is in despair and discouragement ? It is such a weird idea but just as the mere 50 feet from the north side to the south side windows showed different weather , so to , can the house and family we are connected with daily and weekly . Just think about any great storm , battle , difficulty that has been experienced by a group of people . At the time , it seems to be one of the hardest things to be going through . Yet , in the end , all of the people are closer then they ever were before . Look at the NBA for example . Last season , Stephen Curry and the Golden State Warriors were in the Championship battle against LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers . Both teams pushed with all that they had . After a grueling season of games , they were down to the FNew Year , New Heart : Your Brokenness Is Welcome Here The anticipation of a new year is quickly filling up social media news feeds and the majority of us are finding ourselves jotting down resolutions and wondering how 2016 flew by so quickly . While some resolutions may include diets , financial savings , or just a healthier lifestyle in general , I want to be really honest and share what 2017 will look like for me . The past year has seen struggles , blessings , closed doors , and opened windows , but through all of this it has made me realize that my heart has only been partially open for God to come in . While I 've seen God working in my life , I 've also had to admit to myself that I 'm still a broken human being . Our flesh tries to tell us that we can heal our brokenness on our own , if we can make our lives perfect in every other area than we can eventually mend whats broken inside . The enemy tries to force us into believing that we will never overcome our pain , that we will be held in bondage . He tricks us into believing that " it is what it is " and the captivity we 're being held in is all we will ever know . The enemy also scares us into thinking that the world won 't accept us as the mess we are with all of our flaws . But Paul tells us " It is for freedom that Christ has set us free " ( Galatians 5 : 1 ) . He didn 't say WILL set us free , He said HAS set us free . It 's already been done , we 've already been set free from the bondage of brokenness , shame , guilt , confusion , anxiety , worry , fear , loneliness , and whatever other lie the enemy is trying to convince you of . As I begin to think of what 2017 will bring for me , all I want to do is run towards God and His purpose for my life . Not walk , but RUN . You see , my moment of realization came from a bathroom stall in a nightclub . Standing on the dance floor surrounded by tons of people , I felt lonely . I knew tears were about to come crashing down so I bolted for the bathroom . Once I got into the stall I let the first tear come down . . and I couldn 't stop . I was heartbroken because all of these things that I had triedaTimeforChangeMovementJanuary 02 , 2017 Recently , I was asked to house - sit for my friends and one of the days , I peered out of the window and saw a tree with beautiful , different colored leaves . " Wow , I guess the fall season does happen in Florida . It just happens in November , " I thought to myself . Where I was raised , up in Long Beach , New York , we have fall in September and October , not usually the end of November . Despite the fact that I have been at this house probably fifty times plus , I had never realized the leaves on the tree . And as this was going on , I felt the Lord speaking to me about the beauty in finding Him in all seasons . Sometimes , the times and seasons we were so used to , change . And we have to learn to realize where He is , even though the sunrises , sunsets , days and months change , for each season . People often talk about seasons and for a while , I thought they were the cause for ups - and - downs in the Christian walk . But in this moment , I realized , that is not the truth . Ups - and - Downs occur because we take our eyes off of God , for one reason or another , and usually focus on something that is not life - giving at all . " Jesus said , ' I am the vine and you are the branches , whoever abides in me and I in him , he it is that bears much fruit , for apart from me you can do nothing . " - John 15 : 5For me , summer is my favorite season . The weather is warm , the ocean is warm , people seem friendlier and life is just more apparent . But on a dietary scale , there some amazing fruits . My favorite is cantaloupe ; grapes , watermelon , blueberries and raspberries are not too far behind . But that is only for the summer season . If I was to try and grow and eat any of those fruits in the winter , they would A ) not grow B ) taste horrible . This is due to the temperatures , the richness of the soil and the amount of sunlight needed to create this fruit . But after summer , comes fall . And in the fall , we have apples , sweet potatoes and pears . What I am trying to get at , is different fruits come in different seasons . When we go into these seasons , instead of walking into themaTimeforChangeMovementDecember 23 , 2016 Today , I was reading the Bible while listening to some of Misty Edwards worship ( this is a big suggestion when studying ) . Recently , a few of us have started using Strong 's Concordance when reading the Bible . What the Concordance does , is it takes a word in English and says what Hebrew or Greek word it was translated from . Today , I was jumping around in Psalms and I ended up backtracking to 1 Chronicles . " And the Ark of God remained with the household of Obed - edom in his house three months . And the LORD blessed the household of Oded - edom and all that he had . " - 1 Chronicles 13 : 14 The word I want to highlight is " bless . " According to Strong 's , this word in Hebrew is barak . We would stop at the translation but the definition is not always the same as we would say in English . Barak , does mean " to bless " but it also means " to kneel " . Last year , Housefires and Pat Barrett wrote a song called Good Good Father . They express how our Father is so good ! Well in this word Greek word " barak 's " meaning , I can see our God getting down on a knee to be beside us in all times . Growing up , when I wasn 't six feet tall , my dad would sometimes come and kneel down besides me . Sometimes , he brought food or snacks or gifts brought back from a business trip . Sometimes , it was to help me tie my shoe . Sometimes it was to hug me when I was scared at night of the Witches I thought were outside my window . Sometimes it was to assure me I am going to be okay even when I physically did not feel so good . What I am basically trying to get across , is that our Father wants to bless us . And I believe , because of Jesus , we are receiving blessings all day , everyday . However , its not always in the physical gifts that the world is so often used to calling " a blessing . " It may be to comfort in time of loss . Strengthen in times of battle and despair . Encourage when depressed or shameful . To lift up when the world has torn us down . No matter what it is , Our Father gets down on His knee , to bless us , His children . Where is He blessing you today ? I pray today aaTimeforChangeMovementNovember 25 , 2016 Last night I was talking to God ( praying ) and He was speaking about the importance of Thanksgiving and the importance of walking out the Opposites in Negatives . He said , " When you are lacking energy , go do something that requires energy . When you are feeling selfish , go serve someone . When you are bitter , jealous or angry , go love that person . " But in regards to thanksgiving , I felt the Lord speaking about the fact that in this world , thanksgiving is the response of receiving something . But in the Supernatural , spiritual nature , Thanksgiving can be the realization that all is under control and the trust that it is all working to the good of those who love God . This morning , as I sat there , eating breakfast , I was thinking about the amazing food I had last night , but how many people didn 't get to eat last night . I am so blessed to have my family , friends , work , food , shelter . But sometimes I find it hard to appreciate being blind in one of my eyes , having a brain trauma injury , losing friends and family members I love and care about dearly . However , even in the midst of our lives being in turmoil , if we can create the discipline of always being in Thanksgiving , we can turn this life around . I want to encourage you , just like Paul , to REJOICE ALWAYS ! When it is difficult , cry out to Jesus . Not the Jesus who the world says is a killjoy , a loser , a list of rules . But the Jesus who heals the woman who was bleeding for 12 years . The Jesus who healed the blind man . The Jesus who gave bread to the man who was stortly to betray Him . And the Jesus who went to the Cross to die for our sins , to come back and give us the life and strength and love we do not deserve but have been given freely , because of His amazing Love ! Praise Jesus . Let us give thanks to Him for all ! And let us follow Him into the light of heavenly realms and eternal life . One of the greatest opportunities we have to shine the light in this world occurs during the times of indifference with someone . Well recently , I was in a bit of an indifference while surfing in a spot I have been going to for years . Just so happened I cut someone off , similar to cutting someone off in traffic . This guy was pissed ! Before we both got back out to the lineup , there were obscenities flying my direction and to be honest , was not sure whether or not a physical altercation was going to happen ( not my plan ) . Hearing all of the words being yelled in anger , I decided to approach the surfer and asked him what was wrong . He explained what I had done . NOW , in these sorts of situations , we have really two ways of reacting . We either fuel the flame of anger with more anger ( from me ) OR we apologize and seek to make this situation a peaceful one . All praises to Jesus , I decided to go the peaceful route . I apologized and told him my plans were not to cause any hostility or make anyone uncomfortable or unwelcome to this surf spot . He said that an apology was all he wanted . We continued surfing and right before he got out , he paddled up to me and said , " Hey man , I just wanted to apologize for overreacting earlier . " This was such an amazing thing ! Honestly , it blows my mind that someone tried to fight me , seeing as I seek to be a peaceful and genuine person . But to see a once angry and frustrated person reminds me that in this world , we are not called to change peoples hearts . Jesus does that . But what we are called to do , is to walk according to how Jesus walked ; this is , in part what it means to follow someone . To love God and to love one another . All glory and praise to Jesus for this desire to bring peace into the situation ! Go out and LOVEONEHEARTATATIME ! I wanted to just encourage you this afternoon with a little Psalmage ( Psalms + age = Psalmage ) . " The Lord looks down from heaven ; he sees all the children of men ; from where he sits enthroned he looks out on all the inhabitants of the earth , he who fashions the hearts of them all and observes their deeds . " ( Psalm 33 : 13 - 15 ) Not sure what is going on in your lives but you have all done and gone through some amazing things . Some hard , some easy , but they all brought you to who you are today and for that , I thank Jesus ! He has helped us through so much so no matter what you may face or are facing today , the Lord sees you and He is aware of it all ! How much amazingness does he have ? Well in Psalm 33 : 7 ( a few verses before ) , it reads , " He gathers the waters of the sea as a heap ; he puts the deeps in storehouses . " Wow ! God takes the seas and just puts them in storehouses ? Just like that ? Yes ! And He is going to take your difficulties and not just crush them and give you grace and strength but He is going to make room for the storehouses He has prepared for you to be opened and flow into your life . For some , it is going to be promotions , relationships , financial blessing , restored relationships , renewal in parts of your mind you never thought possible and so much more . This is long , I know but I am not sorry . May it be an encouragement to you and your heart ! This past Tuesday , we collaborated with a local Community to go out and feed the homeless in Jacksonville , Florida . We had two cars and six people . For about an hour , we prepared and left the house of preparation with : > 40 hard boiled eggs > 50 chocolate chip cookies ( homemade ) > 50 Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches > 60 water bottlesAs we parked in the downtown Jacksonville Area , we walked by a few construction workers and many business people . Yet , in the midst of all of this business , there were fifty , if not more , homeless people gathered in the middle of Hemming Park . From young kids all the way up to older men and women , there was many mouths to feed and many hearts to lift up . Joel , one of the leaders of this Community , would administer prayers for healing to the hurting . One woman was healed of neck pain and another of jaw pain . Praise God ! We had the chance to talk with and hear stories . One great one , was from a man named Ned . Talking with Ned , he explained that he was well aware of the love of God . He would quote Bible verses left and right . But when asked why he was out in the park , his mom , who was right next to him , said , " Alcohol . " What a sad fact . However , this is something that consumes many lives in this world . One from our group ended up praying with Ned and before we left , gave him a pair of Polarized sunglasses , as his eyes were very glossy ( possibly glaucoma ) . Continue to pray for Ned 's addiction to alcohol and for him to lean upon Jesus for all the strength and wisdom to leave this situation . Well , I can 't make the title any more self explanatory . We are heading to Mizata , El Salvador with a group of physical therapists , a doctor of osteopathy , a spine surgeon , pre - med students , nurses , assistances , surfers and a videographer . This is the first time that some of us will be going on this medical mission trip but for others this is an yearly occurrence that excites all ! From Costa Rica , Nicaragua , Ecuador and more , a good friend Dr . Todd Bourgeois has been planning and putting on these trips for years . It is with pleasure to be able to collaborate with them this year , to go love and serve the needy in a third world country . Many countries in this world are not fortunate enough to have the most basic of medical attention . When a child is sick or person of older age is in need of assistance to be mobile , they just have to work with what they 've got . Sometimes it is enough but not always . We will be traveling with over ten physical therapy tables , food , clothes , hygiene products , vitamins and more . Jesus said , " When you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters , you were doing it to me ! " This is a verse often leading us with aTimeForChangeMovement to go out and do missions and outreach . Typically , we are within the United States but are excited to step out across borders . This is an opportunity to love those who are in need but we believe that God is going to do so much more within the hearts and mind of each person going on this trip . For healings of brokenness and restorations of peoples identity , to see who God has intended each of them to be . Jesus will be proclaimed and He is already there , moving greatly ! We are excited to ask for and we are expecting more . He is the way , the truth and the life and the foundation of this movement . This week , many are going to come to know and surrender to the love of King Jesus ! ! This morning , during prayer , God spoke the word " pergi . " Upon searching for its meaning , it came up that it is an Indonesian word meaning " Go . " Jesus sends us outA Modern Day Abraham From Kentucky One morning I was at work and a man walked in named Joe . Joe was from Kentucky . I could only understand a few words that he said but when He spoke , it was profound and from God . He told me how he was on vacation and how he wanted to get some information about surfing for his kids . Right off the bat , I knew this man was a family man . He was up early working to entertain the family . Joe told me how he worked in the coal mines and explained there have been some tough times where had lost his job and how he thought he was going to lose his job recently . But he said that when he did lose his job , he had to give it all to God . And this is where the inspiration started . We started talking more about the need to surrender everything up to God , especially when things get tough . He told me how when his son was younger , he had chronic pancreatitis and no one could figure out why it was happening . " We went to doctors all over but no one was able to help my son . " As Joe watched his child live in agonizing pain , he said it broke his heart . " I couldn 't do anything . I remember sitting beside him and all I could do was lift him up to God ; I felt like Abraham lifting Isaac up on the mountain . I said , ' God , if your will is to take him , Let Your will be done . Just please take this pain away ' . " Within a few days , he received a call from a long haired doctor ( sounded like he may have been a hippie ) with some news about someone who would do a surgery to heal him . The surgery taught his kidneys how to produce insulin because his pancreas was not . I do not understand nor claim to understand how this works but with God , ALL things are possible . Joe said his son is now in his teens and he is healthy and completely fine . His son gets yearly check up but everything is good . Sometimes I try to figure out what God is doing . Okay I lied . Most of the time I try to figure out what God is doing . But He doesn 't always let me in on what surprises are around the corner . Joe was such an encouragement because in the midst of trials and temptations to falaTimeforChangeMovementJuly 14 , 2016 On this 4th of July I had the privilege of running up and down the beach in search of Allan , a 10 - year - old child who was missing . I was able to locate him a few miles down and get him back safely to his family . The mom and aunt were running towards me crying because they thought their child was lost but was found . As I was leaving the family , the Lord brought to my attention His heart and how it hurts because He sees many of His children wandering throughout this world , confused , lost and fearful . Caught up in so many things that are so trivial in comparison to eternity and His plan for our lives . We are most certainly blessed to be living in the United States , a country where we have freedom . But just as we shouldn 't ever take our physical , humanitarian freedoms for granted , I pray we don 't ever take the spiritual freedoms found in the Cross of Jesus Christ for granted either . Life was meant to be lived in Spiritual freedom and in close Communion with The Lord ; renewed minds , restored hearts , healed bodies , freed souls . I pray that if you feel like your life is going in circles and you don 't know where to go , look up to the Heavens , believe and ask Jesus to forgive , direct and set you free . He loves you and He wants to bring you back home ! " If the Son sets you free , you are free indeed . " - John 8 : 36 The other day I was praying and God told me that I would meet someone today and I was to pray for them . Okay ! Arriving upon one of my jobs , there was a woman sitting outside . " I am just resting for a moment , " she said nervously . I said it was fine if she wanted to stay . After walking into the shop I work at , I felt I was to welcome her in . She respectfully declined but I sat down with her and we spoke about our faith ; for SEVEN HOURS ! This woman was homeless but if I had not known that , my thoughts would have been that she was a pastor or the wife of a pastor ; theologically sound and experienced much within her relationship with the Lord . But something happened to her , and among the 95 % of the amazing things she was talking about , 5 % were just of utter despair . It broke my heart and even caused me to cry for a bit . She told me that she had been in just a great confusion and she was struggling to come back to the Lord . Wow , what a sad thing . But we got to talk about amazing things that God has done and is doing . The beautiful sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus Christ and the need of the baptism of the Holy Spirit . " It is vital that you have a relationship with God , this is the most important thing . He is all about having a relationship with us . " What a beautiful thing . God is a Father . This is truth . And He is an amazing Father . So what Father , wouldn 't want to have a relationship with His Sons and Daughters ? The answer is no father . As we are called to new places in life , I pray that we all learn to spend time with God the Father . Thank Jesus Christ for His death and resurrection to new life . And walk according to the Holy Spirits leading . There is a beautiful unity within the Holy Trinity . I pray we all spend time in the Word of God ( the Bible ) and we walk where He leads . This is the time to change this world . To bring Heaven to Earth . Jesus , when teaching how to pray said , " Your Kingdom come , Your will be done , on Earth as it is in Heaven . " Let us be this reality of God 's love today and all days . WeSMILE : ITS TIME FOR YOU TO PUT ON YOUR SMILE A few days ago , I was driving through the downtown area and I passed a woman wearing a sweatshirt that read " Smile . " I was on my way to church and for some reason , this really struck me . I started to think : How often are we smiling ? Do we make sure we are smiling ? Do we realize how much our smile speaks to others and changes the situations we are in ? My brother told me he once read something about how when you are depressed or sad , to bite on a pencil . The reason for this is that it forces you to smile . Within a few seconds , your whole focus can change because of your smiling . The reason I want to write about this is because I do not believe that God has created us to live upset or with sadness . Don 't get me wrong , it is alright to grieve at times , but to be sad is not okay with God our Father . In the Old Testament , the Jewish people were given things to do to try and atone ( pay for ) their sins ; animal sacrifices , fasting , lighting of incense . But in the end , people came up short . We could never meet the perfection that God requires us to meet as His children . This is why , I believe , He sent Jesus . Jesus came down to live the perfection God requires and then , He willingly gave His life up to be a sacrifice for us ; to be the atoning sacrifice , or the perfect sacrifice . Because of this act , we can be forgiven of our sins and receive back our true rights , inheritance , potential , sonship and daughtership with our Father and Creator . THIS should cause us to Smile ! THIS should immediately and always bring us joy . When we receive and remember the love of the Omniscient , Omnipresent God , the difficulty in smiling and having joy will become an impossibility . I want to lift you all up and encourage you to know that God loves you and is with you always ( Biblical ) . His Holy Sprit is speaking to you , sometimes you just have to listen and quiet the rest of the world around you . And the sacrifice of Jesus Christ is your free ticket to freedom , joy and a life greater than you could ever imagine . It is not okay to not smileIt isaTimeforChangeMovementApril 01 , 2016 Some people go to church and are spoken to by their leaders about how bad the world is getting . Where is the hope ? Where is the trust in God ? Why aren 't they realizing the Heaven inside of them instead of the circumstances around them ? I think this comes back to a much needed look into the heart and intent of a father for His children . Why would he send His Son ( Jesus Christ ) who then sent His Spirit ( Holy Spirit ) to dwell inside of us to just stay like most people of the world ; in fear , worry , anxiety and doubt . No , this should not be so . Jesus said I come to give life and life to the fullest ; while the enemy ( the devil ) comes to seek , kill and destroy . I think our words and homilies and sermons for some churches need to change . We are to be fountains of living water , not vessels of destruction . You are to be lifted up and encouraged by your brothers and sisters , not torn down in despair and fear and uncertainty . God has a plan for your life ! It is good . It is beautiful and amazing . While some assume the world is going to hell , I am seeing more celebrities , friends and family members coming to follow Jesus Christ . I don 't know about you , but I am pretty stoked for what God is about to do in this world ! Never would I have guessed I would be hanging out with ex - gang members on a Sunday morning . Sometimes we are led to uncomfortable situations but if we are to be the light in this world , trusting and walking in Gods leading is vital . " . . . whoever says he abides in Him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked . " So the other day I got to hang with two homeless guys ; one an ex - Latin King and the other an ex - Hells Angel . We got to talk about love , forgiveness and friendship , over three cup of coffee and a breakfast sandwich . Let us step out today and love somebody ! God is an amazing God and Father . He knows our hearts and our desires because He created us in His own image ! Throughout all of our lives , I believe , that He wants us to come to know His love for us , to grow in relationship with Him and to carry heaven wherever we go . When we are called or moved by the Holy Spirit , it is for reason , not coincidence . God has set up a will for each and every one of ours lives so every path we are called to , He has already paved out and visited . Grace and mercy have been laid out in front of us . The difficulty , is being led to move by the Spirit , can sometimes be different and out of our comfort zone . But this move will help grow us in many ways . TRUST | FAITH | HOPE : When we move out of our comfort zone , we are taking a leap ; to know that what God is leading us into , is not for nothing . We also are not called to go on this journey alone . Sometimes , I feel , when we step out , that is when we come to meet the reality of how close God truly is . FAITH : Circumstances play a HUGE role in affecting what we are called into . The way we have been raised in this world , is that we look at what we have , and base what we can do on that . With God , we need to look at His inventory , and know that ALL THINGS , He created . ALL THINGS , belong to Him . So that when we we look at our circumstances , bank accounts , material possessions , we can know that if its a God calling , He will take care of you ! HOPE : What I love about being called and led , is knowing that God has the best plans for our lives and that He is showing us those plans ! It is not about what we think will be best for us , it is about knowing that He knows what is best for us . It is a different way of thinking but I believe that when we begin to align our minds and our hearts with heaven and the heart of God , that we will see dreams become realities , miracles like no other and mountains moving in all of our lives ! Sometimes in life we find ourself either on the wrong path , or on the right path yet feeling alone . In my life , I sometimes forget to acknowledge the very one who created the path ( God ) . He is always with you / us no matter what . God said in Deuteronomy , " NEVER will I leave you , NEVER will I forsake you . " God does not lie ! If there are any feelings that you are alone , remember that you are loved and never will be alone . Take into account the beauty around you on the path , remember who created that all and never forget the light of Jesus , whether it be ahead or in front of you . You are the light of this world and this path , if your following Him , is Gods will for your life . You may be lighting up the darkness of someones life and are unaware . YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE LIVING GOD AND HE SEEKS ONLY TO BE WITH YOU . You are never Alone ! ! If God didn 't love us there would be : No beautiful sunrises and sunsets , just yellow skies . No cool breezes at the perfect time during a long day in the heat , just more heat . No relaxing crisp ocean scent and sound , just the every present smell of low tide . No singing of the birds in the morning , just the loud disruption of lawn mowers and garbage trucks . But because of Gods beauty we do have all things . These are some of the simplest treasures we experience each day . But may we never forget the One Beauty that combines all of those things and is above all . The Cross . On the Cross , Jesus Christ came as a sign of Gods love , mercy , forgiveness , grace , compassion , gentleness ( and more ) for us all . Of course God wants you to enjoy His creations , but what if there is more beauties to this life ? There is , it 's found in a relationship with God made available through believing in Jesus Christ as your Savior and friend . " Taste and see that the Lord is good , blessed are all who take refuge in Him . " - Psalm 34 : 8Man what a beautiful time it was seeing the first lights of the day . Was able to worship the Creator while enjoying His creations . God is such a rad God and Father . I realized this morning that so much of the world tells us lies and tries to deceive us . From diets to fashion to gossip . But how important it is to know the true worth and value of who you are . Seek God and take refuge in Him ; not just in the bad times but the good . Remember He sent His Son to die for you , and allows Holy Spirit to indwell inside of you ! Seeking God through Jesus Christ puts you in a whole new definition of value . Know that you are valued . You are loved . And you are now ready for whatever the day brings your way ! I often look back at where my life used to be , and how radical my life was and how I didn 't care about anyone but myself . If it didn 't involve Marcus , I wanted no part of it . I always knew about God because my family was really involved in church , but Jesus was never really my own . I never really knew Him , but I was very familiar with what others thought of Him . Life to me was about hurting others , getting girls , being rebellious , and partying . But then , there was a night I went to a youth conference and got really encouraged , but didn 't experience change . Once I got back , maybe a week later , I had band practice . After practice in the church parking lot , my team and I just started worshiping , and it lasted for about 2 - 3 hours . As I began to see God touch people , I decided to give it a try , and not long after I was in tears and all I could say was , " Jesus if you can do anything with my life , please just take it . I surrender my whole life to You , and I want You to make my heart Your home . " After that moment , I was totally set free . Some of you may be wondering what does this have to do with loving one heart at a time , and I would like to propose to you it has everything to do with loving people . You can 't give what you don 't have , and if you haven 't first experienced the Fathers love you wont be able to show His true love to others . I said His TRUE love , because a lot of us once lived like I did , and just heard the word on the street that Jesus Loves us , and we share His love out of what we 've heard out of gossip , and not out of what we 've experienced in our own lives . We are the light of the world , therefore , don 't be surprised if you 're in dark places and people see your light and are drawn to you . It would be a tragedy if these people see your light and they come to the Fathers love account , and you have nothing for them to withdraw from , because you haven 't first allowed Him to make deposits in your own life . I have only known God to be a Father , and I 've heard so much about Him , yetaTimeforChangeMovementOctober 09 , 2015 On behalf of the A Time For Change Movement , we would like to take this time to Welcome You to the ATFCM Family ! You will receive monthly emails with updates , news , events and encouraging stories . Thank you for your heart and we seek to get you connected to an outreach , let us grow this Kingdom of God together ! A Time For Change Movement , Inc . is a qualified 501 ( c ) ( 3 ) tax - exempt organization
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Yes , my friends . Eighteen months ago , I had bed bugs . Today was the day that it 's been a year and a half since the bedbugs and I can finally open the bags with the leather jackets and stuff that I couldn 't wash and dry at the Laundromat in 120 degree heat to kill the bugs . Keep reading to understand what I mean by bagging up the stuff and 120 degree heat . I was going to blog tonight about what it was like to get bedbugs , but I have soooo much to say about it that I 'd be writing for hours . Then I remembered that I already wrote about it on the homeschool forum . And better still , I wrote about it while it was happening , so it was all fresh and my horror is palpable and you almost feel it as you read . It 's a lot . When I wrote about it on the homeschool forum lots and lots of people replied with cries of dismay , words of comfort and a lot of questions . Below are all the entries I wrote , some in response to questions . This blog entry is over 5 , 300 words , so it 's a long one , but it gives me a free evening , since I don 't have to compose anything new tonight . It has been a fear of mine for years . And today it came true . I have bedbugs . The bug guy just left the house . I 'm pretty bummed . Please be aware that bedbugs have nothing to do with cleanliness , so we 're not living in dirt over here - I 'm afraid if I tell people about the bedbugs , they 'll think I 'm a dirt ball . I 've heard of a library a couple of counties over that had to shut down because they had bed bugs in the books . I wonder if that 's how mine got in my house - library books ? But he said he has pretty good success with single homes , so here 's hoping . He was a very nice guy . Even when my son ( for some UNKNOWN reason ) wrapped a " present " for the guy with paper . It was a sock . Why would my 8 year old son wrap up a sock in a sheet of printer paper and give it to the bug guy ? ? ? ? ? ? I have no idea . The kids followed him all around the house " searching " for bugs , too . The guy was VERY nice to them , and said , " They 're just curious . Some guy comes in with a flashlight looking for bugs … they 're gonna want to look , too . " I had heard that a county south of me had closed for the bedbug problem . The bug guy said that libraries and stores in New York City were closed for the problem , too . The bugs were coming home in people 's books and purchases . He said that he 'd recently treated a 93 year old man 's house ( with his 90 year old wife ) because the bugs came in on a hospital bed they 'd rented . I found the bug on my PILLOW last night before I got into bed . I looked at bed bugs online and it looked EXACTLY like the ones I found online . I showed my dh . And he STILL slept in the bed last night ! Men are so weird . 2 . How did I know they were there ? ? ! HOW DID I KNOW ? ? ? When I was about to get into bed and turned over my pillow to fluff it last night and ONE WAS SITTING RIGHT ON MY PILLOW ! ! ! ON MY PIIIILLLLOOOOWWWWW ! It was the size of a watermelon seed and looked just like the pictures online when you google images of bedbugs . DH was in total denial and went to bed anyway . As soon as my Ninja Bug Guy saw it , he just looked at me with pity and said , " Aw man . It 's a bedbug . " And shook his head in sympathy . The bugs HAVE BEEN BITING US , but we DID NOT KNOW IT ! ! ! ! ! ! I guess that 's a slight blessing ? ? ? Yes ? ? ? We didn 't get any itchy sores or anything . I told my Ninja Bug Guy that , but he lifted the mattress and right there , on the top of the box spring were little black spots . See , they drink your blood and then poop it out , and dried blood is black . Ninja Bug Guy said , " They 've been biting you - you can see the dried blood . " Yuuuuuuck . He went on to say that they will bite your head because it 's the warmest place on your body . AHHH ! Thank goodness my husband snores and I 've been wearing earplugs every night . Or I would wonder if they 'd been in my EARS . ( Yes , I am YELLING through this whole post ! ! ! AHHH ! ! ) And who was that horrible WTMer who posted that if you move from your bed the bugs will follow you and be all over your house ? Now I have to debate if I 'll just stay in my bed tonight and let them bite me so that they don 't get into my whole house , looking for me . I really can 't afford to buy a new bed and new couch and new whatever else I 'd need to buy . My Ninja Bug Guy mentioned the heat treatment . He says it 's crazy - expensive and he doesn 't have the equipment yet . He was cautiously hopeful that my problem is just in my bedroom , even though he 'll treat the entire first floor in an effort to eradicate them . My Ninja Bug Guy confirmed that if I move my sleeping place to somewhere else in the house , the bugs might move , too , to find me . And then I might have to get rid of my brand new couch , or the Ninja Bug Guy won 't be able to track them down and it 'll take much more money / effort to get rid of them . Right now , he 's pretty sure they 're just in the bedroom . My Ninja Bug Guy is coming on Thursday . I have to spend another $ 200 ( besides Ninja Bug Guy 's fees ) on a bed bug proof bag for my mattress and box spring . Plus hours upon hours of work to clear out the bedroom and adjoining closet and living room . And OF COURSE , dh is having migraines right now and can 't help . Why does he always get migraines when I need the most help ? I mean , honestly . He always gets headaches or knee trouble or whatever when I need the most help . Maybe it 's psychosomatic ? Well - he really is in pain , so I won 't complain about him … too much . Look on the sides of the mattress and between the mattress and box spring for little black dots . Those are their droppings . It 's actually your dried blood that they 've pooped out . My dh went on a trip to New York in July . Now it 's September and we have the bed bugs . We 've had them for about 2 months ( per the Ninja Bug Guy . ) Sounds like DH picked them up in his hotel . I very loudly and very vocally told my DH all about the problems with bed bugs . I told him and told him that he needed to check that room . I went on and on about it . I already have to wash ALL of our clothes in hot water and dry everything in the dryer at at least 120 degrees . Do you KNOW how many of my clothes will now be shrunk ? I don 't know yet , either ( haven 't done it all yet ) , but there 's a good chance that I 'll have to go out and spend more money on clothes because mine will be ruined . I 'd just like to say that I 'm normally a pretty cheery person , but preparing for the exterminator has put me in a seriously bad mood . I have to wash every single article of clothing in our house ( except the stored stuff in the attic . ) Do you have any idea how much that is ? Oh , and don 't forget ALL the bedding ( even the stuff in the closets . ) And all the fabric ( clothes , bedding , curtains ) has to be heated up to 120 degrees for 20 minutes in a dryer . So , I have to take it all to the laundromat - our local laundromat shows the temperature and can get up to 160 . I 'm not sure ours at home gets that hot . I can 't even begin to tell you how many bags full of stuff I 'll have to wash tomorrow ( about 20 big black trash bags or so ) . I don 't even want to think about how much that will cost . You guys are absolutely right - it costs too much for many people to handle . Fortunately we have had the ability to save money just for things like this . Since we don 't know where the bugs are or where their eggs might be , anything that we don 't absolutely need or love has to be tossed . It 's been a painful day . Some things have too much sentimental value and we 'll bag it up and store for a year and a half , waiting for the bugs to die , since bedbugs can live w / o eating for a year . I just needed to vent a little bit . Am feeling pretty low right now . We 've been working non - stop to prepare the rooms that need treatment since 10 this morning and still have a couple hours of work , so I really need to go - dh is working alone right now . My body is shaking a little bit from all the lifting and hauling and working for so long . And I 'm just feeling … low . Yeah - we had to call the trash people and tell them that there are 15 big black trash bags to pick up . ( They 're a local company and we live in a small town . ) The guy sounded really annoyed . " Well … we might not have room on the truck . We probably won 't . We 'll have to make a special trip … " But , yeah - it was nice to get rid of some of the stuff . Dh is finally inspired and said , " We should go through the rest of the rooms and get rid of things , too ! " I told him to give me a couple of days to recover from this . He 's usually the one who doesn 't want to declutter , so after I recover , I 'll jump on it and we 'll get rid of more stuff . And to the poster who said it 's like having to move NOW , she 's right . It 's sort of like that . You try to organize it somewhat , but at the end of the day , you 're just throwing things away or putting them in bags willy - nilly . Just to creep everyone out - did you know that bed bugs can be in movie theaters ? They climb aboard and ride home on you … or in your purse . Basically bed bugs can be ANYWHERE . There 's simply no way to protect yourself from them . I really hope that I never get them again . This is something you only want to do once in a lifetime ! ( Well , really you don 't ever want to … ) We use the bedroom to store a lot of things . The bedroom is on the main floor , and is one of the few closets , so it 's where LOTS of things get stored . It isn 't a walk in ( by any stretch of the imagination ) , but it has some really nice shelving , so we store a lot of things in it . Our clothing is in the bathroom closet ( which we also had to clean out , because it 's adjacent to the bedroom closet ) . The bedroom closet is also used as our coat closet because it has access from both the bedroom and the hallway . ( There 's a really high bar that the coats go on , with shelves underneath . ) A bunch of VHS tapes . We store the DVDs and VHS tapes in our room because it 's right next to the living room and the living room has NO storage . This included a series of 20 VHS tapes with math lectures on them . A bunch of picture frames . For DH 's 40th b - day we had a big party at the church hall and put framed pictures of DH on all the tables . The frames were being stored under the bed , and bedbugs like to hide in frames , so … . out they went . Some kid coats and suits that the kids have outgrown . I could have washed it all and sold it at consignment ( my original plan ) , but frankly , I have so much laundry that it 's bringing me to tears thinking about it , so we just tossed the kid clothes . Besides , I 'd hate to pass the bugs on to anyone else . I had a big box of wrapping paper and things to decorate the boxes with under the bed . Tossed it all . ( Bows , paper , bells , fake flowers , blank cards for notes , etc . ) And then we bagged the rest . All the contents of our medicine closet had to be bagged - including things like extra boxes of tissues and about 10 rolls of paper towels ( a year 's supply for me . ) I don 't know if I can keep that stuff or not . I have to ask the Ninja Bug Guy . I don 't know if I can keep the stuff like bandaids , and ace bandages , and boxes of lightbulbs . But I bagged it up ( like I was told ) and I 'll ask him tomorrow . I can 't really wash a box of bandaids , so he might say I have to toss stuff like that . We had a picnic basket that we used as a filing box for our papers . I don 't know if we can keep the papers or not ( all our bills , etc . ) How do you clean papers ? The stuff he 's going to use tomorrow messes up their reproductive cycle ( or something like that . ) So , maybe I 'll be told to unpack this stuff and even if there are bugs on it , they 'll come out and walk through the poison and die in a couple of weeks ? I dunno . There was probably more , but it 's late and I 'm tired ! I needed to calm down by reading a few threads , but I 'm going to sleep in my buggy bed . I usually like a lot of room when I sleep , but last night I slept curled up tightly close to dh . I just knew that bugs were crawling all over me ( even though I couldn 't feel them ) , and I seriously needed someone to cling to for comfort . My mother - in - law gets a prize today . She came to my house , took the kids to her house , fed them lunch and dinner and then asked if I wanted them to stay overnight at her house . YES ! I can 't imagine what I would have done if I 'd had to clean out the bedroom , living room , my clothes closet and medicine closet … all with the kids vying for attention . I already have a bunch of loads in the washing machines at the laundromat . We 'll get thru it . Last night I was just upset . My cheeriness is starting to come back ! AND ! Best news : my favorite black jeans that I had to wash and dry in hot water and the hottest dryer setting did NOT shrink ! YES ! ! I 'm wearing them right now . Ok - it 's late . I just spent over $ 100 at the laundromat today washing EVERYTHING . At one point I had 13 of the dryers going with my stuff in it ( there was another lady carefully guarding the 14th dryer for her own stuff . ) Bottom line , I 'm tired , but tomorrow I 'll write a nice post about what happened today while Ninja Bug Guy was here . About the books ; for my case , Ninja Bug Guy said that we caught the infestation early and it was localized near the bed . The books are probably ok . He flipped through a number of them looking for evidence . However , if bugs were in the books , he liked the idea I gave him . I asked him if I could just keep them tightly bagged for a year and a half . Bedbugs can live up to a year without eating ( Ninja Bug Guy said that it 's rare they live that long … but they could ) . So , bag them up and 1 . 5 years later - they 're all dead . Ninja Bug Guy also said that if I want to know if they 're in something ( like books ) I could put the stuff in a plastic bin with a lid . Then , you coat the inner rim with a thick layer of Vaseline or Petroleum Jelly ( I can 't remember which … ) . When the bugs try to get out , they get all gummed up in the Vaseline and then you can see if they 're there or not . After going through this , I would cautiously recommend the mattress covers . You 'd need one for the box spring and one for the mattress and they 're $ 90 each , so it 's a lot of money . But it 's better than having to throw out a mattress . Of course , if you never get the bugs , you 're out a lot of money for no reason . It 's a tough call . Part of the treatment that Ninja Bug Guy did , is that he sprays some sort of hormone around . This makes the female bedbugs want to come out and FEED . When they come out to FEED ( I really hate that word ) , they 'll walk through the poison . Eventually they 'll die . I 'm so tired . I have to go to bed and I just don 't want to . Maybe I can just stay up all night ? ? Don 't doctors stay up for like 400 hours in a row ? ? ? If they can do it , so can I ! If I don 't sleep on the bed , they 'll follow me to another area of the house and infest a new room , so I have to sleep on the bed . Ninja Bug Guy shook his head sorrowfully and told me it 's best if we just tough it out and stay in the bed . UGH ! ! ! ! Well , I made it through the night ! Yesterday dh found a couple of red spots on his feet and thinks they might be bug bites . I haven 't found a single bump on me . Either they 're not biting me , or I 'm not having any reaction to them . If I was getting spots , I don 't think I could do this . If this wasn 't happening to me , I 'd be more grossed out . The idea of bedbugs has always been so horrible I normally would have thought I 'd run screaming from my house if I had them . But now that it 's actually happening , I 'm feeling very pragmatic and stoic and practical about it . I 'm not sure why . Good thing one of my friends is a psychologist who has special training in helping people through trauma . Maybe when this is all done , I 'll have some sort of breakdown and she can counsel me ! But for now , I 'm able to keep my heebie jeebies under control . The Ninja Bug Guy came to the house at 10 : 00 and left at 1 : 30 yesterday . I think he could have left at 11 : 00 , but he talks nonstop . I would MUCH rather have a person come out who actually talks , instead of the ones who come out and barely answer your questions and grunt at you . Fortunately Ninja Bug Guy owns his own business , so he can talk as long as he likes and doesn 't have a boss telling him to hurry up . He said that it was the best re - inspection he 'd ever seen ! Only one little spot that indicated a bug ( probably from the first night after the chemicals were put down , before it died . ) This means they 're almost certainly GONE ! He said it was because we did such a good job of cleaning everything out of the room and preparing it for the treatments . Ok blog readers . That 's all I wrote a year and a half ago . Now it 's March 30th , and I am finally opening all those bags that have been in my attic waiting for the bugs to die . I 'm so glad to close this chapter of Bed Bug Horror .
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Peter , June , Raleigh and I ventured to a new ( to me ) part of town for dinner the other night . I have actually noticed this area while in taxis before but never realized this was the famous Houhai that people always say " Have you been to Houhai ? You must go , you 'll love it ! " It 's true , I did love it and I can 't wait to go back . Houhaimeans Back Lake and it is a really cute area around this lake which was a really interesting mix of restaurants , shops , houses etc . It seemed to attract the ex - pat crowd but also the young crowd . There were lots of touristy shops and all sorts of different kinds of restaurants . On the lake were lots of boats and people continued to use them late into the night . We even saw lots of people out for a swim ! I really love the old architecture in Beijing and that is probably why I really fell in love with this area . . . all the crooked streets and interesting buildings . . . the lanterns . . . We ate dinner at this really great Vietnamese restaurant and we sat outside on the rooftop ! It was a tough decision as inside you could sit in a rickshaw to have dinner but the roof deck won out . The view was incredible . In one direction was the lake , in another were the drum and bell towers , and in another was a street full of little shops . I really love that in Beijing there are all these really interesting areas that have so much character . Oh and the food . . . excellent ! - annap . s . someone asked me if there were modern buildings in Beijing - and the answer is yes . . . I just like the traditional buildings so much more so I take photos of them . . . . Some engineering requires a trip to Home Depot . During my first so many weeks here I have needed a Home Depot many times but every time I describe the store I gettold there isn 't one in Beijing . I had this grand plan to introduce Home Depot to China but it turns out all I needed to do was to ask Peter . . . as the B & Q is just like Home Depot and I pass it every day ! I actually had asked what the store was and been told it was a furniture store by numerous people but I should have just gone inside . We went to B & Q to get some supplies . They sold some things we didn 't even know what they were ! Furniture inhibitor ? We bought the wood and foam that we needed and asked to have it delivered but there is a truck ban at the moment in Beijing as they are trying to cut back on emissions to lower the air pollutants . So we couldn 't have a truck deliver it . They were very nice though and said we could pay a deposit and borrow shopping carts so we took off down the street . We hadn 't gotten very far when this motorized cart stopped and said for $ 3 the driver would deliver it . Deal ! Peter got a nice ride out of it too ! We had to have some glass work done too so we went in search of a glass cutter . Luckily Peter and Xue knew how to find one . I don 't know if I 'd be able to find one in America ! For $ 7 we had a window cut for us ! Unfortunately the window was broken in the process but we had a guarantee that if the window was broken we 'd get a new one for free . The window cutting man wasn 't very happy though so he smashed the broken window all over the ground so Xue and I then had the fun task of cleaning it up . . . . After a nice morning visit to Fedex to send Professor Wysocki a nice present , Xue and I found a quiet coffee shop to work in , SPR coffee , that had free wireless . It was fantastic ! Do you think SPR stands for Starbucks of the People 's Republic ? Iced Peanuts anyone ? - anna I needed to get some plastic sheeting for work ( I swear we work really hard here ! ) so Xue and I ventured to the local market . While Xue was busy helping to cut the plastic sheeting , the children of the stall owner were busy talking to me . They were so interested in me because I was a foreigner and kept asking me where I was from in Chinese . I kept having to ask Xue to translate for me . Their mother kept telling them to practice their English with me . All they could say was " hello " and " thank you " and " bye bye " so they kept saying it over and over again . They wanted me to take their photo so they could see themselves in the camera . It was all very cute and they didn 't want me to leave ! - anna You never know who might show up in Beijing . . . . of all the people to happen to be in Beijing this summer , I never expected I would get a visit from my good friend Stace ! Dr . Stace Beaulieu is a deep sea biologist ( and I mean deep ) at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution . Stace and I did a lot of field work together when I was in graduate school as we spent 2 months as cabin mates together in the middle of the Pacific Ocean ( where she would make me lattes when we worked the 12 - 4 am shift ) and did quite a bit of scuba diving together . . . oh and we drank a lot of coffee together while I was a graduate student . Stace came by Beijing on her way to a conference and she signed us up to do a 10 km Great Wall hike . Most tourists who venture to the Great Wall visit an area called Badaling which is close to Beijing and is a restored section of the wall . Instead we ventured further to hike from Jinshanling to Simatai in an unrestored section . We saw very few tourists during our day . Stace and I had a guide , Kung Fu Bruce , who hiked with us the whole time . He told us about all of his adventures hiking in China and about the Great Wall and even gave Stace some spicy tofu to eat . The hike was harder than I had imagined as the steps were so steep in places but the scenery was incredible and it was really nice to be outside of the city . It was lightly raining on and off all day . It started to downpour at the end and luckily not before otherwise it would have been really scary . Kung Fu Bruce told us he was hiking with a group of middle school students this past winter and it started to snow ! I never imagined I would have the opportunity in my life to hike the Great Wall of China ! I hope you enjoy these photos as much as I did the hike . - anna Professor Frank Tittel from Rice University came to visit us in Beijing . He is Rafal 's advisor and therefore was excited to see what Rafal had been busy working on . Professor Tittel also got to meet new members of the MIRTHE team , like incoming graduate student Xue . We ventured into the heart of Beijing for dinner , passing Tiananmen Square . Luckily we had time for a quick latte at Starbucks ! Professor Tittel gave a talk at IAP during his stay with us . He was also very happy to find that they were selling plastic bucky balls at the Forbidden City so he bought one to give to the Nobel Prize winner who discovered bucky balls ! One day Yan got a phone call that said , " Your package from Austria is stuck in Amsterdam " which confused her very much as she hadn 't ordered anything from Austria . June was convinced someone had sent us a bomb . After a little bit of investigating , we found out two cakes and coffee were on their way from Austria to China thanks very much to Professor Gmachl ! They took a little detour and visited Amsterdam first . We were very excited when the package arrived . Yan took good care of the package giving it a chair to sit on during lunch and shielding it from the rain . We shared the cake with many MIRTHE and IAP members and everyone agreed that it was delicious ! - anna Jim and Mary Lynn 's wedding anniversary was during their stay in Beijing . Although we offered to babysit their son Eric , they decided we should all join them for dinner . We chose a restaurant that June described as " the beautiful restaurant across the street " and went out as a group . The restaurant definitely was uniquely decorated ! Some of the food had funny English translations . Jim said , " I am not sure how I will be able to top this next year ! " We enjoyed the dinner and laughing about the aquariums full of plastic tulips . Eric kept his eye on the big fish in the tanks for fear he might have to eat them for dinner ! - anna Mary Lynn , Eric , and I ventured to the Confucius temple one afternoon . It was a really pleasant place to go as it was away from the usual tourist circuit so there were few people there but yet retained the same style architecture that you see at other places like the Forbidden City . - anna Some things are pretty American and if you want something you can probably find it in Beijing . . . . There are more KFCs in China than I have ever seen in the US . We did go to Pizza Hut one night and it is a whole different experience here . It is a sit down restaurant and they serve coq au vin pizza ! Although as you can see from the photos , they didn 't quite spell " dining " right and they weren 't very happy when I took a photo of it ! Mary Lynn bought donuts from this bakery . . . they were quite dense ! Posted by Here are some very belated photos from our train trip to Shanghai . When we were in Shanghai , about 15 middle school girls suddenly surrounded us and wanted to take their photo with us ! I guess they thought we were celebrities or something . . . . ( Notice that Jim doesn 't see the girls behind him while he was busy taking our photo ! ) Yan 's mom took us to eat lobster and we ate trays and trays of them . It was great having a local show us where to eat as we never would have found such a great lunch place . So for the first 7 weeks that I have been in China I have not really met anyone . Very few people speak much English and I don 't speak any Chinese unfortunately . I very much stick out in my community as I am not Asian . Today I amriding the elevator in my building and there is an older Chinese lady in the elevator . She asks me if I speak English . I say yes do you ? She says yes . I askher how she learned it and she said she went to New York University inthe 1940s ! I told her that I live in New York City . We keep talking as we ride the elevator down and continue talking once weget off . Her English is perfect . She tells me that her children live in Boston and I say I went to college there . She asked me where and I say MIT . Small world . . . It turns out her husband got his PhD from MIT in 1950 in ChemicalEngineering ! We talk about Cambridge and she tells me she taught Chinese at Harvard for a few years . She told me she and her husband moved back to China a few years ago as it is easier to be retired in China as you don 't have to drive . I gave her my business card and my china mobile number and tonight herhusband called me and we talked . He was a visiting researcher atMIT while I did my undergraduate studies there ! I am still amazed by this chance encounter . - anna While Jim , Mary Lynn , Eric , Yan , and Anna were away to Shanghai , Rafal and I had to fend for ourselves . About three weeks ago , Rafal needed a power supply and he handed me this complicated - looking thing and said he needed to buy one . In my mind , I was thinking that there was no way we were ever going to find that another one of those things because a . ) the thing was made in Germany ( or some other European country , I forget ) , b . ) I didn 't know where to go , and c . ) how the heck do I explain this to people in Mandarin ? I called Yan , who suggested Suning , which is a big store for electronics and appliances . So I looked up the closest Suning online and Rafal and I took a taxi the next morning . Well , it turns out that they didn 't have the thing . In fact , they didn 't even have an extension cord with surge protection , which Rafal also needed . We walked out of the store and started walking around , me ( at least ) feeling hopeless . Anna got such an extension cord last time we went to Carrefour , but Carrefour was kind of far from where we were . Then by pure luck , we came across a little office supplies store that had extension cords with surge protection . So we bought that , and I asked the people at the counter where we can find the power supply . They asked me what it was and I said it was a power supply ( in Mandarin ) . Then they asked me what it is used for and I said I didn 't know how to explain it in Mandarin . They looked at us funny and told us to go to this place . I couldn 't understand the woman , so I told her to write it down ( I can read and write Chinese - and speak in Cantonese … ) . I asked whether there are a lot of electronics there and she said yes . So we went . So . Rafal and I took a taxi to the place the woman suggested and it turns out to be this street with one electronics mall after another . The place was awesome . Way better than Circuit City in the states . Although we weren 't sure which store to go to since there were so many of them . We just walked towards the entrance of a store , and there were manyPosted by Yan took us on a road trip . . . well a train trip . . . . to visit the town where her parents live and to see Shanghai . If you don 't know how to pronounce Shanghai properly , ask Professor Jim Smith . He 'll help you learn how to say it correctly . Although Yan didn 't grow up in Suzhou , her parents now live there and it is famous for its gardens . Jim , Mary Lynn , their son Eric ( shown here reading Hinamart what we decided must be like the sky mall catalog for Chinese trains ) , Yan and I took the overnight train to Shanghai . trainI was a bit worried that the overnight train was going to be awful but Mary Lynn was right and it was very nice . They even gave us slippers to wear . Our train did get stuck for some reason for 2 hours and sat and watched about 10 trains pass us unfortunately . It did give us the chance to see more in the morning which was nice . We went over the Yangtze which was exciting . One thing we found odd was that my Chinese cell phone would send me text messages in Chinese welcoming me to every town . The phone knew where I was . . . Yan 's mother met us in Shanghai and was a wonderful host to us . It was really great to have the inside tour and we enjoyed her hospitality . I know she was very happy to have Yan visit too ! First we went to one of the beautiful gardens in Suzhou . This we followed with an amazing lunch and then an interesting trip to a silk museum . I couldn 't believe how much construction was going on here . This area is rapidly expanding due to the oil industry . There is massive construction everywhere it was unbelievable . High rises and cranes everywhere ! - anna June 23rd was June 's Birthday ! June and I spent the morning at the Dirt Market . It has a Chinese name that I can 't pronounce . It was a very interesting market with all sorts of things from Mao watches to fake antiques to thousands of Chinese books . We could have spent all day there ! I plan to go back to the dirt market one of these weekends . It apparently opens at 4 am but I have no intention of going so early ! Dr . Wang invited us and his students for a lunch feast complete with a giant birthday cake ! Meals in China always seem to be feasts to me but Dr . Wang always tells me that you don 't gain weight in China , but I still am not convinced . There are always so many dishes and so much food . It is amazing . Look how big the cake was and how happy June is ! Yan 's sister - in - law took us to another market . This time it was an indoor market that sold everything you have ever wanted in one place . I think it was about 6 stories ! ( Roxanne - We thought of you at this market ! Can you guess why ? ) We also enjoyed dinner in a courtyard house in a hutong . I really love the hutongs as the architecture is so unique and beautiful . More photos and posts to come ! - anna One of the wonderful things about being on a collaborative , multi - disciplinary project is that throughout the summer we have numerous engineers coming to Beijing to work with us . We also have several visitors at different times this summer . During the past couple of weeks , Professor Jim Smith and Dr . Mary Lynn Baeck from Princeton and Rafal Lewicki , a graduate student from Rice University , came to Beijing . Jim and Mary Lynn are involved in both the QCLOPS project and the WRF - Chem modeling project . Rafal came to set up the NO sensor that he co - designed and built . We were so busy both working and playing tourist during their visits that we didn 't blog , but we now will try to catch up with the photos that we didn 't post during the past couple of weeks ! We have several new team members coming this week and perhaps they will be better than us about keeping the blog up to date ! - anna Established as a National Science Foundation Engineering Research Center , MIRTHE develops mid - infrared ( 3 - 30 microns ) optical trace gas sensor systems for applications in health , environment and homeland security . MIRTHE 's goal is to work closely with industrial partners , academic institutions and government laboratories to commercialize affordable tunable - laser sources ( especially Quantum Cascade lasers ) , detectors , and ultrasensitive sensor systems that are compact , portable and reliable . MIRTHE operates testbeds and technology demonstrations in environmental sensing and human health with prototype systems deployed in the US and internationally .
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I loved my last post about sports . It was so cathartic . After the election , I thought I would blog a lot more but life is changing as it always has . My Facebook posts reach a larger audience and even when I have nothing creative to do with the post , as in sharing someone else 's for instance , I feel a sense of participating in a dialog that is important and affects things . Yet , my heart is here with the blogs so I will be here , just less often . I noticed Alabama 's Coach Saban shrug his shoulders over and over in a post game interview . It was funny . I completely remember being punished for shrugging my shoulders at my teacher in first grade . She said " Stop shrugging your shoulders at me . " I did not even know what the word " shrug " meant and shrugged my shoulders in reply . I got swatted . My stepson had been watching the Alabama - Auburn game and it was in it 's waning moments when I got home from work . I watched Alabama 's coach in a post game interview . I noticed him shrugging quite a bit . I backed the tape up and counted Coach Saban 's shrugs just for the heck of it . 17 shrugs were apparent if I included the micro shrugs . AND it was an extremely short interview . So at this point I thought that surely someone had noticed this before . In all likelihood , Coach Saban must do this constantly . So I looked it up on the Internet and to be sure found THIS . But oddly , before I found that one , I found this : It was coincidentally the same number that I counted and posted in almost exactly the same form I used on Facebook , to wit : " Saban ' Aww gee whiz ' shrug count in post game interview = 17 " . I post anything on Facebook . If someone doesn 't like it , there is an unfriend button for me and them . : ) I have defriended dozens and dozens because of annoying sports posts . Otherwise intelligent people have to be banned for me to be able to enjoy Facebook . And I do enjoy it . Furthermore , since the date was different in this tweet which I had uncovered , this tweet must have referred to a different game . How strange ! As with most things , even when I have an original thought , someone else has beat me to it . But , in reality , I actually knew this kind of thing would be out there in cyberspace somewhere because of three reasons . ( 1 ) This man shrugs like nobody 's business . It makes him look very insincere . His first grade teacher had nothing on mine . ( 2 ) I hardly ever watch sports anymore , ( college football sports was the last to go ) so what was the likelihood this was unique ? The only thing unique was that the game was on my TV . ( 3 ) College football fans spend godawful amounts of time discussing and studying every unimportant aspect of their hobby . I used to be this way about my hobby , The Beatles , and in some ways I still do this . But there isn 't a competitive thing going on in my hobby . Nevertheless , I kind of get it . I think the competitive thing is dumb , but I get it . So , it all boils down to this : I basically only like " Curling " which I see in the Winter Olympics . I used to like lots of Winter Olympic sports and will watch them a bit , but the best sport of all , in the entire world , bar none , is Curling . They are gentlemen , or gentlewomen . The sport has good sportsmanship . The rest of sports you can toss in a barrel and burn . Drugged performances , commercialism , bribed players , shallow fans , idiotic interviews , and commentators that are as dumb as toasted oats . Sadly , the Alabama or Auburn football fans honestly fail to see how their hobby colors their world negatively . Some sincerely speak about tolerance and in the next breath , or post , are extremely intolerant of someone because of the sports team they support . Is there a better metaphor for the dehumanization of mankind ? Because , in general , the state of Alabama does not have a lot of folks that are tolerant towards anyone different or any thought which is not a truism directly from Fox Noise . And , that intolerance seeps in throughShit ! , my father would have said . Tomorrow and Monday , I 'm off . Tuesday night , election night , is a work night for me . I have missed election night coverage once before standing in line for hours and hours to cast my vote after work . I have a pleasant memory of listening to a small radio with headphones . This was how I experienced the election of Bill Clinton 20 years ago . I had said " Yes ! " under my breath a number of times for key battleground states , trying to contain my excitement as it became more and more obvious that Clinton would beat Bush , Sr . After a few interruptions by people asking me what was happening , I learned to contain myself . I was just not used to missing television election coverage . The long lines I encountered were the result of having too few voting machines at my polling precinct . The reason was surely voter suppression . I had worked all day at a library , which was used as a different precinct where lines were nonexistent . I was not happy to be in a line that ran through the parking lot of the precinct where I had to vote . People would actually drive by the line asking how long we had been waiting and drive off after hearing the answer . Where I had worked , people had voted without a wait . It was a bit more fun to confirm the rumor in the line that Clinton had been projected our next president . I remember someone interrupting me yet again . I took my headphones off to say : " Oh yes , they said a few minutes ago that Clinton has won . " It was at least another hour before I cast my vote . I don 't know how they vote in Montgomery , AL now . We use paper ballots in Opelika , AL and there is no wait here . It is much much much better . I am actually able to plan voting as a small stopoff on the way to work . I can 't even begin to imagine the luxury of paper ballots combined with early voting . In this year 's election , there is a different line : Nate Silver 's line on the horse - race nonsense that is America 's educational tool for whom to choose as president . I now consider Mr . Silver to be one of the few journalists in America , adding him to the column with Rachel Maddow . I made this decision after reading his column this morning , if a blog can now be called a " column . " His brilliance is a little subtle but bear with me . Here is the final argument of his piece : isn 't . If the state polls are right , then Mr . Obama will win the Electoral College . If you can 't acknowledge that after a day when Mr . Obama leads 19 out of 20 swing - state polls , then you should abandon the pretense that your goal is to inform rather than entertain the public . But the state polls may not be right . They could be biased . Based on the historical reliability of polls , we put the chance that they will be biased enough to elect Mr . Romney at 16 percent . Mr . Silver gives Gov . Mitt Romney a 16 % chance of winning and that is almost entirely based upon the possibility of systematic bias in the polls . Here is the key point of this assessment : pundits ( as opposed to journalists ) who come up with totally fallacious arguments based on one poll or another are just plain wrong . There is very little , if any , evidence that one poll would be correct even as a snapshot in time . Additionally , pundits who now say the race is " too close to call " are merely shilling for their media outlet whether it be on television or otherwise . The polls , when coupled with the electoral college , are very clearly leaning or almost falling over to scream that Obama is likely to win . No , Mr . Silver does not say Mr . Obama will win . . . and that is a major distinction . In explaining polls , we usually say they are within a certain percentage of being wrong . The more people you survey and the more random the sample , the more likely that the poll will be right . It could , within that percentage , be wrong . Nate Silver has scientifically calculated that percentage to be 16 % , period . Reading the article you must also believe that Nate Silver is using valid methods to aggregate the polls , which I believe he is and want the election to help prove . By reaching out and attacking the " too close to call " statement ( which almost every pundit is now basing their arguments on ) Nate Silver is attacking the very heart of punditry . His cold mathematical calculations are exactly what pundits are pretending to go on and on about . If so , they are wrong , It is the idiotic horse - race media show that Mr . Silver is attacking . If you want to use the science of polls , here it is . Splat ! Ready to go on to another story like global warming ? Well , by all means do that , because unless you want to read out of a statistics textbook , here are the numbers in one fell swoop . [ By the way , Nate Silver does a fine job of explaining those statistics textbooks as well . ] So , does it matter which way the results go ? Scientifically speaking . . . not really . By giving us the actual scientific " line " or odds , Mr . Silver has put his reputation on the " line " which is something the pundits just do not do . And this is why Nate Silver is a true journalist . He has presented the facts as he knows them . If the election goes to Romney , it might muss up Mr . Silver 's reputation a bit , that is , in the eyes of the unscientific . After all , it would have defied the odds . Yes , there is 16 % chance of this happening . But will Nate Silver subsequently be correct about the unreliability of polls and punditry based on the polls ? Hopefully , yes . In the case of Romney winning , we should be able to prove the polls completely unreliable . If Mr . Silver is to be believed , polls used by pundits will take a hit if Mr . Romney wins . If Mr . Romney loses , pundits will take a direct hit because they have battled with political science in the form of Nate Silver . I say Nate Silver is a geek genius until proven otherwise . He already has the creds under his belt . So , if you like geeks over pundits ( which surely you do ) , vote for Barack Obama . If Gov . Romney wins , you never know what strategies the pundits will use to lie their polls into the clear . I knew I had written about " Slipstream " by Jethro Tull when I accidentally came across an article in Daily Kos which was oddly about the second " side " of Jethro Tull , the side devoted to religion . link I did post something , but looking back , I never explained the meaning , just assuming my hint would unfold the meaning . The entry was in this blog for some reason , rather than another , so here I place this . Sorry , I 'm learning this blog stuff as I go . It is odd that the writer at Daily Kos said second " side . " This goes back to vinyl . I knew the second side was a different album from the first which was entitled " Aqualung . " The second side is an album entitled " My God . " And I knew this because , with vinyl , I held the music in my hands . Look at the labels on the vinyl : In the article , the author admits his inability to understand the meaning of " Slipstream . " I have lived with this album being a primary influence on my life , so you know I have an opinion . The lyrics : I have always liked the first line of this . The lush separation that enfolds a person is the separation between one and God . It is a richly patterned separation ; it is clever ; it is from society all around with it 's entertainment and fine clothes and fine decoration . This song is going to be about the arrogant hypocrisy of the wealthy who believe they can serve both God and money . Continuing . . . the products of wealth push you along on a bow wave . This is the first analogy to water and a ship . One can ride on a bow wave , the wave that spreads outward from the front or bow of a ship , being pushed along by the force of the ship . Dolphins do this and small boats can do this . It is a short song . Second and last verse : to press on God 's waiter your last dime , is an indication of the limits of being human . God 's waiter must be serving you the food or word of God , so this must refer to organized religion or churches . " The distinction between religion and God " is important in almost every song on the My God side of the album deferring to Rolling Stone here for the phrase but their review seems to mush together the two separate themes of the album . ( Side one seems much more thematically about society and Dickens . ) Side two is dead on obviously about God and religion . In pressing a dime on the waiter for God , I have vision of slipping money into the hand of the waiter to look the other way . Since my youth I guessed this referred to the selling of indulgences . There are two kinds of indulgences : partial and plenary . A partial indulgence removes part of the punishment of sins that has been or is yet to be committed . A plenary indulgence removes all of the punishment of sins . It is one of those things I would not want to explain to my child when going over the history of the church . Using one 's last dime must refer to the temporary nature of human existence . And you spin in the slipstream which is that part of the water behind a ship that is moving along ahead . Unlike the bow wave it is more turbulent and might cause your small boat to spin . To me the ship refers to life and now it is passing us by , as it must . It just moves without regard to you . A slipstream can also be ridden as it sucks a small boat behind it . Paddle right out of the mess and you paddle right out of the mess would refer to our attempt to paddle out of the spin . Man 's attempt to do this and the ship itself is timeless , and unreasoning . It is complete arrogance to believe that wealth has no responsibility attached to help one 's neighbor , to save a starving man , to at least put one 's vote to use to accomplish a good society and eradicate poverty and war . . . and it is the wealthy this song is describing . There is no last dime in wealth , it is the last dime in health . There is an inevitable end . Indulgences , perhaps , but I think that is more of a pig in a poke sold to the wealthy by the churches they fund , churches that teach the acceptance of camels going through the eyes of needles . was a nice experience , the theme was music and there was not a formal sermon . We will be going back next week to see her in action . I have to admit it was so unique having a woman guiding the church . If she just hadn 't mentioned the presidential election in passing . . . . But we will go back and hope ( pray ) she doesn 't mention politics again . Another nice thing was an older gentleman in the choir being helped by a lady beside him , with the pages of his music . She also helped him down from the stage . I have often admired the endurance of older people in churches . I myself get tired of standing and sitting and standing again . I guess churches want to have participation from the members but I get tired of standing at rock concerts , too . Just once I would like to relax and watch an entertainer perform while I was seated as if in a recliner at home watching TV . No comments : Sunday morning . Still on a church search so Wanda and I can be together on the first morning of my weekend . Last time , the church pastor mentioned politics three separate times . There was a subtle wink wink push in the " right " direction and very strong push to vote . I never thought it likely that I would ever hear the politically wonky term " election cycle " during a sermon , but there it was as if by Biblical inspiration . : ) Today I think it 's a Methodist church . I actually may have found a church I like , Episcopalian , decided more on the people attending than the dynamics of the ritual or the sermon , but we are trying to find one together . My marriage to Wanda and a similar central connection to my stepchildren are the most important aspects of my life . I seem to have very good ideas late at night . If I act upon them , late at night becomes later and later . If I wait until morning , well , I certainly have no time or inclination for action . I guess I am somewhat doomed to lose sleep over losing sleep tonight . No comments : This is the group I have been helping and this is my graphic for the occasion , mine , sort of , as always , sort of . : ) I feel really nice tonight that in a short period of time I have grown so much . My married years have just been so fulfilling . No comments : I now see exactly why parents often hold their children back . This meme shows up everywhere in movies and show business . Think of it as the daughter with overbearing mom meme . She can do nothing right . She sees in everything her mother says , a putdown of her efforts . I think it naturally shows up in show business because what could possibly be more likely to fail ? What parent would actually encourage their children not to become a dentist , and instead chase a dream ? Not many . I 'm past the stage of dream chasing , actually , so it hardly matters that my parents are not around to smack me down and get me going in the proper dentistry accomplishment direction . Too late . I 've been off on my own for most of my life now and while not as successful in monetary terms as others and more successful than some others , I really don 't care . I eat , I have roof . I have never been a parent and now am a step - parent . My first inclination is always is to pop the heck out of someone 's dream with ideas because I sense that things are not realistic in my own terms of reference . I really admit that is my first thought in being the proper parental figure . I only noticed it as I saw it in someone else . But the terms of my reference are really not enough to go by . Why the heck cannot we just say to ourselves : I don 't know everything ? Enjoy your life sweet stepdaughter , nice stepson . I will not be in your way . Have I not enjoyed my own life ? And when everything is considered , what are the sparkling achievements ? I know what they are and they didn 't come from a lack of dreaming . So how to balance this mess of being a step - parent , in whatever way , and being true to what I really did in my own life ? I don 't know really . I 'll take a guess my own parents were winging it as well . I do understand that the art of keeping yourself busy can be the most positive experience that can be found . So , I 'm sitting in this room of sick people reading a book about how Wall Street has purchased the government , and my Kindle beeps to tell me that there is only 15 % battery left . But , instead of say , going out to get another ebook reader , I just put it down and bask in the quiet . Oh yes , a cough now and then , but that only reminded me that there were people sicker than I . Eventually I am in an exam room and it seems too quiet so I start reading again and soon , put my book down for a second time , just basking in the now utterly silent room . I honestly was in no hurry , other than the fact that I needed to get to work , for my doctor to come in . Now , this is , as you have probably suspected by now , an entry of little or no interest . I have an ear infection and sinus infection which is par for the course for me . I got to bare my bottom to a nurse for a shot of antibiotics and that was it . But , honestly , I have been so busy . I like my life with a little completely boring downtime these days . Never before did I enjoy wating in a waiting room with a headache . And that is the only unique and interesting aspect to recount . I enjoy waiting now . . . . nah , perhaps it was just that damned headache . . . Busy at work , busy at home doing political graphics . I am feeling so good physically and mentally . When I had to do graphics and websites for money for some local businesses , I hated it . I slogged through the work but did enjoy using the money to make earlier payments on the house and not feel so guilty paying for cruises . But the work was never fun . First up , a guy who comes in here and always has problems of one kind or another who reminds me of Cliff Barnes from Dallas had to go out and roll up his car windows because we just got rain from the tropical storm Isaac . I said " Naturally his windows would be down . It 's not like we all haven 't done that once in a while , it 's that this guy does all the things all the time that we all just do once in a while . " Secondly , the Tomato Sandwich of Truth has a purpose . I can share a little truth . : ) Last night I was looking at political graphics I have shared with a sort of distribution page . I am getting thousands of shares . Thousands and thousands of comments on those shares and I can , like , scroll down page after page of people who discussed my political thought ! MY IDEA ! I 'm on cloud 9 . This is the Tomato Sandwich , either you like them , or you don 't . So there . : ) No comments : I 've thought a long time about this and have concluded that I really must tell my story and and inside joke that I have battered like a dead horse for years around here . This is not an anti - Romney story but there is one odd coincidence . Anyway , I 'll tell my story here where the truth will always out . My colleague has the neatest desk imaginable while mine is filled with things I do not know what to do with and can 't bear to part with in weak moments . I just put the undecided thing in my desk and say , well , at least I don 't have to worry later about having thrown it away . It is small pack rat thing going on . But my colleagues desk is organized like the perfect office worker that she is . Mormons come in to where I work to use the computers . I don 't know about the unique rules they have to follow about transportation and media , but they often come in small groups . This had been happening for about 5 years and they were always men . They change out every so often , maybe every 6 months or so . Then we will meet a whole new group dressed as meticulously as their predecessors . One period of time was different . Mormon women came to the library . The event which has always haunted happened at the very end of their missionary cycle . A young Mormon woman , whom I had come to know fairly well , came to the desk to ask for a pair of scissors . I could not find my scissors among the mass of hoarded shiny objects in my desk and reached over to my colleagues desk to get a pair of her scissors to loan out . She never came back with them . In fact none of this group of girls came back , and of course , yes , they were the expensive scissors that my colleague had purchased for herself . I tried to explaint the fact that I trusted the girl with these scissors precisely because she was a Mormon and Mormons were the most polite people we ever have in here . " Because , " I said , " If you can not trust a Mormon , who can you trust ? " Well , this was an inside joke for years about me not letting Mormons borrow scissors . It took on many variations . I tend to like repetitive humor which drives other people crazy . When Romney was running , I made a few scissor jokes but none that really were out of character . I honestly highly respect the LDL Church primarily because of all the creative television commercials they used to do as a public service . No matter what their selfish intention might have been , they were using television to increase the community and personal character of everyone and improve the values of common Americans . Then . . . . along came Paul Ryan . And there was a political cartoon with Romney running dangerously with a pair of Ryan 's budget cutting scissors . The days continue to meld together seamlessly . I am pretty much happy all of the time . I switch interests so fast as well . One day I 'll be into Facebook , the next , not so much . I enjoy pretty much everything that comes along . Last night I fell asleep watching " When Worlds Collide . " It varied from my usual installment of Dark Shadows but was just as interesting . I contemplated the fact that sometimes I like new dramatic shows , sometimes old ones . I feel very much at home now watching almost anything , though reality shows grind a bit . When I say " pretty much anything , " I mean anything except commercials . Also I mean shows that are in their original state and not chopped up for commercials and sped up for more commercials . I taped a bunch of Perry Mason shows on the Hallmark Movie Channel . Now I have always associated Hallmark with good quality , but no more . First they didn 't show the full opening credit sequence . It lasted about 5 seconds , chopped down to the title and a few bars of the song . Seriously , 5 seconds . I was ok with that if they just showed the entire episode after this but alas , they showed the beginning of the story chopped down to as little time as possible ( though I did not notice any speeding up of the film ) . And during this short clip they also pasted a graphic at the bottom over a fourth of the screen . When this was gone they had a flashy animated " Hallmark " logo that grabbed one 's attention . This is where providers like Netflix will find their best audience , people who are sick and tired of commercials that not only fill the space between the scenes , but now fill the scenes and shorten the scenes and speed up the scenes . I read an article of how people are abandoning cable and satellite subscriptions in favor of Netflix and alternate sources of programing like Over - the - Air television . This will continue as long as the cable networks veer more towards wall to wall commercials rather than shows the view wants to watch AND is paying a fee for . I think I finally have a way of uploading my old VHS tapes with a minimum of trouble ( and expense ) and a maximum video quality . It is not perfect , but we are talking about old VHS tapes . I am going with Vimeo for now . I posted something on Youtube and got one really ignorant comment so I will just post here on my blogs and Vimeo . My videos are on the link above marked " TV Blog . " I really didn 't care much for a wide audience anyway . It 's just a hobby . . . . and a proper hobby for a librarian . : ) All is well . This was my day off . My wife is working late unfortunately but I have had a nice quiet Monday . I think my off days of Sunday and Monday are going to work out . Odd noise outside . . . the mosquito bug spray pickup truck . : ) Gees , it is nice here with that being the only noise that I have heard all day except for the TREC man coming to take some voltage meter off the side of the house . I 'm finished with those guys . They can do with me what they will . I will just continue my parody blog oblivious to their nonsense . : ) No comments : I was writing this rather longish post on here about a week ago when the electricity went out , and of course , being a geek , I just went on with life without complaint , not wanting to admit that I had not saved . : ) I was thinking that I might have two options here . One , to just admit everywhere I go that I idiotically don 't follow what I know is right , or kinda cover it up and pretend it never happened . Then I started wondering if that was perhaps something someone who is steeped in any belief might wonder . Why was I speeding ? Isn 't that against the law ? Why didn 't I just give that guy a dollar who had his hand out and a homemade sign saying he was homeless ? But my antistress training kicks in somewhere here , and I just do not worry about things . I think that perhaps those who have problems with stress just don 't know when to quit thinking about something too deeply . I know that my individual problem is worrying about not supplying what another needs , either in my personal life or in my job with its rather generous and broad job description . I quit a Psychology major because of the same reason : the unspecified . I felt my courses of study to just be too broad and general to be of use in helping individual people . Later they went on to find drugs , so good for them . : ) Meanwhile I somehow ended up in a job that was really amazingly broad and general . . . This is a picture I took of myself in a mirror during the time when I was sick . It seems hard to believe I was so sick and the doctors had no clue . My stomach was the main problem but my face , as seen here , was very red . This was not sunburn . I don 't know if there is a medical explanation for this . I had so many symptoms . Dizzyness ( which turned out to be my inner ear ) and all forms of odd things were happening . All I know is that most of these symptoms are gone now , my problem mainly being caused by the effects of anxiety on my stomach , acid reflux , IBS , etc . I took a number of photos trying to actually get a profile picture so I was actually trying to find a shot that demphasized the redness . I just ran across this picture while weeding out some files . It is nice to have this momento of a time when I could find no answers and it seemed that all would just continue downhill . Although I am a fairly huge wimp when it comes to illness , I kind of admire the simple fact that I got through this time . I found the right doctor . And as time went by , I have forgotten what my tender to the touch red face even felt like . The history of me is full of mysteries . My parents died when I was in my early 20 's so it has been so long since I had their imput to my early history as a kid . People die all the time and we lose just a little of the history of us each time this happens . I have taken on a project to put my videotapes on Youtube , indexed on one of my other blogs . Most of this stuff will be boring to all but a few , I suppose . A few things might be interesting to a lot of people . My picture above may be interesting to only me . But I did tape stuff from CNN backhaul feeds , shows that featured the Beatles , a few soap operas , and things that I thought woud be forgotten . I taped them for a reason , I knew that they might just never be saved by someone else . Day of mixed feelings . I just assume gun violence as a cultural problem we will never shed . I usually pay just a little attention to the tragedies that I assume will occur on a constant basis . Yes it is gun laws , but it is also very cultural . Yet today , it just seemed so much more heart rending . It reminded me of Mark David Chapman 's moment of fame and one of the worst days of my life . To an old man it is terrifying what people find entertaining at the movies and in video games . What was so awful to me today was the description of a very good eyewitness of how long it took people to realize the moment was a real world event and not just a part of a show . We need to change the culture and what we fill our days with . The truth has no single beginning or ending . It has lots of them . I am back to my favorite blog . Forget the others . They are but fluff . Here is where the truth comes out . And I begin yet again . . . It was an odd day at work today . There were so many people who think in so many different ways . Really , if you get a really good meme going and sort of get people moving in the right direction , I fancy you might get something done . I 'm pretty darned positive though , it would be the wrong thing . For whatever reason , these people are way different . This week 's Romney antics make you wonder how the heck this guy is in the position he has come to occupy . How did they get him past the vetting process ? Was there a vetting process ? Was everyone in the equation just so oddly different from each other that they could not get together and realize this man 's public persona is that of Sybil Isabel Dorsett ? Flip Flop is not even the right phrase . His is a world where two opposite things can be true at the same time . He is the first candidate that straddles the Fringe universe . This is happening in my time . Surely not enough time has passed that half the people in America would believe you can retroactively resign from a job .
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I was wishing I had a better network of experienced foster mom friends today . This afternoon was full of so many thoughts and doubts and questions and emotions - mostly just the one emotion ( grrr ) . I struggled to channel some faceless , tireless , gracious and patient foster mother … . it worked , kind of . . meh , maybe not . Usually , when the chips are down , I have my wonderful mom friends to turn to - poop colors , tantrums , sleep training , and everything in between . With a foster child here , there are unfamiliar feelings of secrets to be kept and stories that aren 't mine to tell . It 's a job and there is a very important confidentiality piece which I respect greatly - but it 's also parenting and my life . And I can 't share it with those closest to me . Let me back up . We have had a heck of a week with Patches . It was her birthday last week , so we wanted to make it a special day . We wrapped presents , made a cake and took pictures - it was important to me that we have something to send home with her that would say this birthday happened , it was documented and she mattered . I deleted the dozens of unhappy ones . This is a piece of my favorite . . So that day was pretty sweet , or at least that portion of that evening . Throughout the last week , each day has been sharply divided into pieces . There are two different flavors : Patches here and Patches not here . There are pockets of content , happy playing . Her eyes are sweet and vibrant , she giggles and dances . Then , something unexpected might happen . It might be a sudden loud noise , or just that the kids get too loud . Maybe she trips and falls . Or it might be nothing at all . Then , Patches leaves . Her eyes hang a little lower , and she is no longer there . She becomes unresponsive to her name or anything at all . Her body is limp . This can last hours or even all day . It will often turn to drifting in and out of sleep , no matter how much sleep she has just had . She just checks out or " disassociates " . I truly didn 't realize the damage that can already exist at such a young age , and how high the price can be . There is no quick fix . How much can be undone over time and with patience and a safe home remains to be seen Today I went for such a visit , and it became clear that Bio Mom is going to be creating some complaints about the care in my home . One of the many examples of this was when I walked in and she said ( not to me , but about me to the social worker ) , " Can I bring her some clothes tomorrow ? Because she is obviously wearing the same shoes and pants as last time . " This struck me as odd for several reasons . One , the last visit was nine days ago . Do you find it unacceptable to repeat a shoe , a week apart ? A day apart ? How about the shoe of a two year old emergency foster child ? And , three … three could be more like three through 47 . There are dozens of reasons why this is focusing on the wrong part of the story . I could have said a million things to just shut her down and put her in her place and remind her of why we were here in the first place . Why she was less and worse and wrong . Yep , I came home and relived the visit with The Dad and acted out all the harsh and witty retorts I could think of . I had left feeling defensive and insecure about the unreasonable complaints and forgotten how those exact feelings were multiplied by a thousand for Bio Mom . Ever time I saw her for a visit , she was reminded of the mistakes she has made , how she had gotten here and how she had lost the only thing that matters . The social workers knew the complaints were silly , so why did I care ? I became embarrassed and overwhelmed with empathy when I thought of how I had taken the complaints so personally . I am committed to continuing to root for Bio Mom no matter what she does to try to change my mind , until the time comes when Patches goes home or doesn 't . Judging her and deciding whether she " should " go home , is not my job or my place . I only wish her a gentler , happier road from here out , one that will include her children and the support she needs to feel some successes . If it will bring her some comfort , she can complain all she wants . If it will make her feel bigger , I will let her make me look smaller . Because none of that matters . After some introductions from the other children that were met with Patches burying her face in my shoulder , I took her to have a bath by herself . She didnt splash and laugh or wiggle when I placed her in the warm water . She sat still , looking ahead or down with no expression on her face . Her body language was scared and tired , her tiny back rounded over . Occasionally she would glance at me . I talked and narrated what I was doing and sang in my softest , most buttery Disney princess voice . She let me gently wash her hair and body , and I took the opportunity to love her and also to examine this little body . I looked for clues , anything that would indicate what kind of world she had just been taken from . Her hair was clean . Her nails were trimmed . A tiny bruise on her thigh had the familiar , round bandaid mark from an immunizations trip to the doctor . I breathed . Maybe she had been cared for . Maybe she had a loving family and had just had a really crazy night full of mistakes . I could handle this . Hooper came in and invited himself into the bath . He was so excited to have an unfamiliar toddler in his bath tub . He splashed and laughed and wiggled , like two year olds should . He showed her his bath toys . She fought it , but he won and she laughed . Once she was dry and dressed , the first day home with Patches was similar to the first day home with a new baby . I felt unsure about every move . She was different than my two year old . I knew how to meet his needs , I knew what every facial expression and voice meant with Hooper . Patches was a different story . She was terrified of The Dad , the gentlest man I know . He wanted so badly to be able to comfort her , but had to strategically settle for being gentle and affectionate with the other children and me within her view , but not with her . If he was within a foot of her , she reacted with a crumpled face and arched back , before hiding in my chest or slithering to the floor . She obviously needed to relearn that men can be safe . I had no idea why . I experimented with different foods . I learned quickly that she needed to be presented with one or two tiny bites at a time . If I gave her an entire meal or snack with a pile of cut up pieces . It would all be in her mouth within seconds , and she would be gagging until I scooped most of it out . This was another example of how emergency foster care is a lot of trial and error . I called my agency at about 9 : 00 am to check in about what paperwork needed to be done . They didn 't even know I had been placed with a child . They told me a case worker from the agency and one from the county would contact me by the end of the day . That night , long after The Dad had put the other small people to bed , she fell asleep on my shoulder and I laid her into her crib . I suddenly realized I missed my kids . Had I given them any of myself today ? Had I hugged them ? After weaving through a labyrinth of identical buildings ( see above ) , I finally found the giant cow sculpture landmark that I thought I was looking for . Sigh of relief . Clutching my bag and coffee , I walked up to the buzzer and pushed the button . When I found the right building , I realized it was clearly the only one that was lit up and there were two women walking through the front doors , each holding a car seat . Other foster moms . The kind of seasoned foster moms who knew what they were doing and where they were going . Suddenly , I felt like the nerdy , freshman foster mother who would have to face the cool , senior foster mothers . Deep breath . I walked into a normalish looking waiting room . In the middle of it , with her back to me stood a small figure in a very wet and dirty halloween costume ( I won 't say what kind , on the off chance of it being too identifying ) . I 'll call her " Patches " because she looks like the cuddliest Cabbage Patch doll you have ever seen . I sat down behind her and said hello as I slowly unloaded the stuffed animals and blanket . She turned around to show me the rest of her incredibly sweet face and big , tired eyes . Patches basically looked like she had had a really long and crazy night . She seemed interested in what I had and let me show her the animals and get a little closer . Once she had given me a tiny smile , I showed her some happy pictures of my kids on my phone , which she liked . Then I told her I was going to change her diaper and put on some nice new pajamas , which I held up for her to see . She let me gently pull down her costume and her gray , saturated diaper that looked at least ten hours old . It had soaked down to her feet . Within minutes , she was in her fresh and dry pajamas , and sipping juice under a blanket in my lap . I felt warm and hopeful . The other foster mothers each held their babies and asked routine questions that would go unanswered . The thing with emergency foster care is that you pretty much get no information . The children usually have nothing but the clothes on their back ( or in this case , a costume and no shoes ) . Sometimes they get the gender wrong . They might be developmentally disabled or HIV + or have a severe allergy or have been molested . It 's just a big question mark that you agree to take home and love for now . You may find out more in the following days or weeks . The child might go home or with relatives the next day , or never . It was still dark and cold by the time we left , and we had a long drive home . Patches was awake , but silent and still . I just wanted to hold her . When we pulled into the driveway , it was about 5 : 45 and the house was quiet . Every touch and movement I made with her was in slow motion and soft focus . I was going to envelop her in gentleness and comfort and show her that I was safe . I walked in the door with her in my arms and was greeted by one of The Cats . The other Cat lounged on the dining room table ( total disrespect for me ) . Patches was delighted and wiggled out of my arms . Then The Dog appeared . Patches was now beside herself and began running through the house laughing . We had just gotten The Cats cornered in the living room for a petting session , when The Dad appeared with Hooper for an introduction . Hooper was squishy faced with sleepiness and excited at the stranger who was just his size . With unprecedented care , he walked towards her and patted her shoulder , saying hello in his sweetest ( and loudest ) two year old voice . Posted in the foster care and tagged emergency foster care , foster care , foster mom , kids , mothering , parenting . Bookmark the permalink . This is not a drill . I wonder if I will ever get used to the middle of the night phone call thing . When it happened around 4 : 00 am the morning after Halloween , The Dad ran to grab the phone which had been left off the base somewhere in the living room . My heart raced with my eyes still closed as my thoughts immediately went to my father . Was he alright ? Would I be on a plane by morning ? Then I heard him say , " Ok , what have we got ? " . Then I remembered this whole emergency foster care thing . I bolted upright and cleared my throat . It was hard to think clearly with the left over adrenaline from my first thought . I took the phone and tried to process what the calm and authoritative voice was saying . " We have an urgent situation , I apologize for calling so early . I have newborn twins and a two year old girl . One of the twins has ( insert confidential medical information here ) and we are extremely understaffed here . " She explained that they had already been medically cleared and brought to the emergency children 's shelter about 40 minutes away , instead of waiting at the local emergency room for foster parents to arrive . I hesitated , and said , " Ok … ok , I can absolutely take the two year old if they are to be separated . " Once I had said it , I knew it was true , and it was all I could do . The Dad nodded and went out to start the coffee while I spun in circles trying to find some jeans . I went into the garage and found the bin carefully labeled " GIRL , 2T " . I grabbed a stuffed bunny and and stuffed hippo . Soft , pink blanket . Warm pajamas . Juiceboox and granola bar . Within about nine minutes , I was dressed and semi - ready and on my way out the door , coffee in hand . I could have been projecting , though . Am I the only one who is constantly attaching human emotions to my pets ? Next time , I 'll talk about how the pick - up and homecoming went . Now , if you will excuse me , I have a mountain of tiny clothes to fold , and a giant latte to sip . Posted in the foster care and tagged emergency foster care , foster care , foster mom , kids , mothering , parenting . Bookmark the permalink . Just So Stories . . A lot of my day is dedicated to addressing a looping cycle of the 5 W 's ( and that one H - curse you , H ! ) being thrown my way . Remember this one ? " I keep six honest serving - men ( They taught me all I knew ) ; Their names are What and Why and When And How and Where and Who … " In this case , it was just , " What is that ? " . We said no . I had a stomachache over it , but I just knew it would not be a fit . The call was for two little girls under two . One was on methadone and one had various physical and developmental disabilities . I think one of the tricks to being a successful foster family is to be able to say no sometimes in order to keep the quality of care high . I keep reminding myself of this , when I get these overwhelming urges to adopt everybody . And I mean , everybody . The second call came a few days after that one . The little guy was already at the emergency facility and they requested that I go have a visit with him that day , and would pick him up the next . He was two , and was one of four siblings . Children under five weren 't allowed to stay at the shelter , so they were to be separated . I paced , I prepared , I did laundry , I packed snacks . I drove the 45 minutes to the shelter with my plastic baggie full of family pictures to show the siblings he would be alright with us - we were alright , weren 't we ? They buzzed me in and he was led out by a woman in scrubs . He could have been my Hooper 's twin . I spent an hour with Little Guy and by the end of the hour , we were rolling on the floor laughing together . I couldn 't wait to get him home . He had lice . I didn 't care . We would take him anyway . It should be a mother to comb through hair with careful , loving hands - not the tired , unfamiliar hands of the rotating staff at the shelter ( bless their hearts ) . I paced , I prepared , I did laundry , I packed snacks . I drove the 45 minutes to the shelter . When I got there , my stomach was in knots . When I saw the social worker 's face , I knew something was strange . She told me there had been a change of plans . They had located a relative and they were on their way . I was shocked , but tried to be gracious . I said , " what wonderful news . " Then I cried all the way home . How silly . I reminded myself over and over that it was good news . Of course it is better for him to be with family . I had made it about me and not about him . Foster families are a last resort , as they should be . I have a feeling I will learn something new with each call . Adaptability is strength in emergency foster parenting , but I still need to build my calluses in that department . By the time I got home , I was composed and my mind was clear . The kids were glad to take all of their stuffed animals out of garbage bags . This is our family 's second dodging of the lice bullet . Nothing like a happy ending . Hopefully , Little Guy will get his too .
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I was wishing I had a better network of experienced foster mom friends today . This afternoon was full of so many thoughts and doubts and questions and emotions - mostly just the one emotion ( grrr ) . I struggled to channel some faceless , tireless , gracious and patient foster mother … . it worked , kind of . . meh , maybe not . Usually , when the chips are down , I have my wonderful mom friends to turn to - poop colors , tantrums , sleep training , and everything in between . With a foster child here , there are unfamiliar feelings of secrets to be kept and stories that aren 't mine to tell . It 's a job and there is a very important confidentiality piece which I respect greatly - but it 's also parenting and my life . And I can 't share it with those closest to me . Let me back up . We have had a heck of a week with Patches . It was her birthday last week , so we wanted to make it a special day . We wrapped presents , made a cake and took pictures - it was important to me that we have something to send home with her that would say this birthday happened , it was documented and she mattered . I deleted the dozens of unhappy ones . This is a piece of my favorite . . So that day was pretty sweet , or at least that portion of that evening . Throughout the last week , each day has been sharply divided into pieces . There are two different flavors : Patches here and Patches not here . There are pockets of content , happy playing . Her eyes are sweet and vibrant , she giggles and dances . Then , something unexpected might happen . It might be a sudden loud noise , or just that the kids get too loud . Maybe she trips and falls . Or it might be nothing at all . Then , Patches leaves . Her eyes hang a little lower , and she is no longer there . She becomes unresponsive to her name or anything at all . Her body is limp . This can last hours or even all day . It will often turn to drifting in and out of sleep , no matter how much sleep she has just had . She just checks out or " disassociates " . I truly didn 't realize the damage that can already exist at such a young age , and how high the price can be . There is no quick fix . How much can be undone over time and with patience and a safe home remains to be seen Today I went for such a visit , and it became clear that Bio Mom is going to be creating some complaints about the care in my home . One of the many examples of this was when I walked in and she said ( not to me , but about me to the social worker ) , " Can I bring her some clothes tomorrow ? Because she is obviously wearing the same shoes and pants as last time . " This struck me as odd for several reasons . One , the last visit was nine days ago . Do you find it unacceptable to repeat a shoe , a week apart ? A day apart ? How about the shoe of a two year old emergency foster child ? And , three … three could be more like three through 47 . There are dozens of reasons why this is focusing on the wrong part of the story . I could have said a million things to just shut her down and put her in her place and remind her of why we were here in the first place . Why she was less and worse and wrong . Yep , I came home and relived the visit with The Dad and acted out all the harsh and witty retorts I could think of . I had left feeling defensive and insecure about the unreasonable complaints and forgotten how those exact feelings were multiplied by a thousand for Bio Mom . Ever time I saw her for a visit , she was reminded of the mistakes she has made , how she had gotten here and how she had lost the only thing that matters . The social workers knew the complaints were silly , so why did I care ? I became embarrassed and overwhelmed with empathy when I thought of how I had taken the complaints so personally . I am committed to continuing to root for Bio Mom no matter what she does to try to change my mind , until the time comes when Patches goes home or doesn 't . Judging her and deciding whether she " should " go home , is not my job or my place . I only wish her a gentler , happier road from here out , one that will include her children and the support she needs to feel some successes . If it will bring her some comfort , she can complain all she wants . If it will make her feel bigger , I will let her make me look smaller . Because none of that matters . After some introductions from the other children that were met with Patches burying her face in my shoulder , I took her to have a bath by herself . She didnt splash and laugh or wiggle when I placed her in the warm water . She sat still , looking ahead or down with no expression on her face . Her body language was scared and tired , her tiny back rounded over . Occasionally she would glance at me . I talked and narrated what I was doing and sang in my softest , most buttery Disney princess voice . She let me gently wash her hair and body , and I took the opportunity to love her and also to examine this little body . I looked for clues , anything that would indicate what kind of world she had just been taken from . Her hair was clean . Her nails were trimmed . A tiny bruise on her thigh had the familiar , round bandaid mark from an immunizations trip to the doctor . I breathed . Maybe she had been cared for . Maybe she had a loving family and had just had a really crazy night full of mistakes . I could handle this . Hooper came in and invited himself into the bath . He was so excited to have an unfamiliar toddler in his bath tub . He splashed and laughed and wiggled , like two year olds should . He showed her his bath toys . She fought it , but he won and she laughed . Once she was dry and dressed , the first day home with Patches was similar to the first day home with a new baby . I felt unsure about every move . She was different than my two year old . I knew how to meet his needs , I knew what every facial expression and voice meant with Hooper . Patches was a different story . She was terrified of The Dad , the gentlest man I know . He wanted so badly to be able to comfort her , but had to strategically settle for being gentle and affectionate with the other children and me within her view , but not with her . If he was within a foot of her , she reacted with a crumpled face and arched back , before hiding in my chest or slithering to the floor . She obviously needed to relearn that men can be safe . I had no idea why . I experimented with different foods . I learned quickly that she needed to be presented with one or two tiny bites at a time . If I gave her an entire meal or snack with a pile of cut up pieces . It would all be in her mouth within seconds , and she would be gagging until I scooped most of it out . This was another example of how emergency foster care is a lot of trial and error . I called my agency at about 9 : 00 am to check in about what paperwork needed to be done . They didn 't even know I had been placed with a child . They told me a case worker from the agency and one from the county would contact me by the end of the day . That night , long after The Dad had put the other small people to bed , she fell asleep on my shoulder and I laid her into her crib . I suddenly realized I missed my kids . Had I given them any of myself today ? Had I hugged them ? After weaving through a labyrinth of identical buildings ( see above ) , I finally found the giant cow sculpture landmark that I thought I was looking for . Sigh of relief . Clutching my bag and coffee , I walked up to the buzzer and pushed the button . When I found the right building , I realized it was clearly the only one that was lit up and there were two women walking through the front doors , each holding a car seat . Other foster moms . The kind of seasoned foster moms who knew what they were doing and where they were going . Suddenly , I felt like the nerdy , freshman foster mother who would have to face the cool , senior foster mothers . Deep breath . I walked into a normalish looking waiting room . In the middle of it , with her back to me stood a small figure in a very wet and dirty halloween costume ( I won 't say what kind , on the off chance of it being too identifying ) . I 'll call her " Patches " because she looks like the cuddliest Cabbage Patch doll you have ever seen . I sat down behind her and said hello as I slowly unloaded the stuffed animals and blanket . She turned around to show me the rest of her incredibly sweet face and big , tired eyes . Patches basically looked like she had had a really long and crazy night . She seemed interested in what I had and let me show her the animals and get a little closer . Once she had given me a tiny smile , I showed her some happy pictures of my kids on my phone , which she liked . Then I told her I was going to change her diaper and put on some nice new pajamas , which I held up for her to see . She let me gently pull down her costume and her gray , saturated diaper that looked at least ten hours old . It had soaked down to her feet . Within minutes , she was in her fresh and dry pajamas , and sipping juice under a blanket in my lap . I felt warm and hopeful . The other foster mothers each held their babies and asked routine questions that would go unanswered . The thing with emergency foster care is that you pretty much get no information . The children usually have nothing but the clothes on their back ( or in this case , a costume and no shoes ) . Sometimes they get the gender wrong . They might be developmentally disabled or HIV + or have a severe allergy or have been molested . It 's just a big question mark that you agree to take home and love for now . You may find out more in the following days or weeks . The child might go home or with relatives the next day , or never . It was still dark and cold by the time we left , and we had a long drive home . Patches was awake , but silent and still . I just wanted to hold her . When we pulled into the driveway , it was about 5 : 45 and the house was quiet . Every touch and movement I made with her was in slow motion and soft focus . I was going to envelop her in gentleness and comfort and show her that I was safe . I walked in the door with her in my arms and was greeted by one of The Cats . The other Cat lounged on the dining room table ( total disrespect for me ) . Patches was delighted and wiggled out of my arms . Then The Dog appeared . Patches was now beside herself and began running through the house laughing . We had just gotten The Cats cornered in the living room for a petting session , when The Dad appeared with Hooper for an introduction . Hooper was squishy faced with sleepiness and excited at the stranger who was just his size . With unprecedented care , he walked towards her and patted her shoulder , saying hello in his sweetest ( and loudest ) two year old voice . Posted in the foster care and tagged emergency foster care , foster care , foster mom , kids , mothering , parenting . Bookmark the permalink . This is not a drill . I wonder if I will ever get used to the middle of the night phone call thing . When it happened around 4 : 00 am the morning after Halloween , The Dad ran to grab the phone which had been left off the base somewhere in the living room . My heart raced with my eyes still closed as my thoughts immediately went to my father . Was he alright ? Would I be on a plane by morning ? Then I heard him say , " Ok , what have we got ? " . Then I remembered this whole emergency foster care thing . I bolted upright and cleared my throat . It was hard to think clearly with the left over adrenaline from my first thought . I took the phone and tried to process what the calm and authoritative voice was saying . " We have an urgent situation , I apologize for calling so early . I have newborn twins and a two year old girl . One of the twins has ( insert confidential medical information here ) and we are extremely understaffed here . " She explained that they had already been medically cleared and brought to the emergency children 's shelter about 40 minutes away , instead of waiting at the local emergency room for foster parents to arrive . I hesitated , and said , " Ok … ok , I can absolutely take the two year old if they are to be separated . " Once I had said it , I knew it was true , and it was all I could do . The Dad nodded and went out to start the coffee while I spun in circles trying to find some jeans . I went into the garage and found the bin carefully labeled " GIRL , 2T " . I grabbed a stuffed bunny and and stuffed hippo . Soft , pink blanket . Warm pajamas . Juiceboox and granola bar . Within about nine minutes , I was dressed and semi - ready and on my way out the door , coffee in hand . I could have been projecting , though . Am I the only one who is constantly attaching human emotions to my pets ? Next time , I 'll talk about how the pick - up and homecoming went . Now , if you will excuse me , I have a mountain of tiny clothes to fold , and a giant latte to sip . Posted in the foster care and tagged emergency foster care , foster care , foster mom , kids , mothering , parenting . Bookmark the permalink . Just So Stories . . A lot of my day is dedicated to addressing a looping cycle of the 5 W 's ( and that one H - curse you , H ! ) being thrown my way . Remember this one ? " I keep six honest serving - men ( They taught me all I knew ) ; Their names are What and Why and When And How and Where and Who … " In this case , it was just , " What is that ? " . We said no . I had a stomachache over it , but I just knew it would not be a fit . The call was for two little girls under two . One was on methadone and one had various physical and developmental disabilities . I think one of the tricks to being a successful foster family is to be able to say no sometimes in order to keep the quality of care high . I keep reminding myself of this , when I get these overwhelming urges to adopt everybody . And I mean , everybody . The second call came a few days after that one . The little guy was already at the emergency facility and they requested that I go have a visit with him that day , and would pick him up the next . He was two , and was one of four siblings . Children under five weren 't allowed to stay at the shelter , so they were to be separated . I paced , I prepared , I did laundry , I packed snacks . I drove the 45 minutes to the shelter with my plastic baggie full of family pictures to show the siblings he would be alright with us - we were alright , weren 't we ? They buzzed me in and he was led out by a woman in scrubs . He could have been my Hooper 's twin . I spent an hour with Little Guy and by the end of the hour , we were rolling on the floor laughing together . I couldn 't wait to get him home . He had lice . I didn 't care . We would take him anyway . It should be a mother to comb through hair with careful , loving hands - not the tired , unfamiliar hands of the rotating staff at the shelter ( bless their hearts ) . I paced , I prepared , I did laundry , I packed snacks . I drove the 45 minutes to the shelter . When I got there , my stomach was in knots . When I saw the social worker 's face , I knew something was strange . She told me there had been a change of plans . They had located a relative and they were on their way . I was shocked , but tried to be gracious . I said , " what wonderful news . " Then I cried all the way home . How silly . I reminded myself over and over that it was good news . Of course it is better for him to be with family . I had made it about me and not about him . Foster families are a last resort , as they should be . I have a feeling I will learn something new with each call . Adaptability is strength in emergency foster parenting , but I still need to build my calluses in that department . By the time I got home , I was composed and my mind was clear . The kids were glad to take all of their stuffed animals out of garbage bags . This is our family 's second dodging of the lice bullet . Nothing like a happy ending . Hopefully , Little Guy will get his too .
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I was wishing I had a better network of experienced foster mom friends today . This afternoon was full of so many thoughts and doubts and questions and emotions - mostly just the one emotion ( grrr ) . I struggled to channel some faceless , tireless , gracious and patient foster mother … . it worked , kind of . . meh , maybe not . Usually , when the chips are down , I have my wonderful mom friends to turn to - poop colors , tantrums , sleep training , and everything in between . With a foster child here , there are unfamiliar feelings of secrets to be kept and stories that aren 't mine to tell . It 's a job and there is a very important confidentiality piece which I respect greatly - but it 's also parenting and my life . And I can 't share it with those closest to me . Let me back up . We have had a heck of a week with Patches . It was her birthday last week , so we wanted to make it a special day . We wrapped presents , made a cake and took pictures - it was important to me that we have something to send home with her that would say this birthday happened , it was documented and she mattered . I deleted the dozens of unhappy ones . This is a piece of my favorite . . So that day was pretty sweet , or at least that portion of that evening . Throughout the last week , each day has been sharply divided into pieces . There are two different flavors : Patches here and Patches not here . There are pockets of content , happy playing . Her eyes are sweet and vibrant , she giggles and dances . Then , something unexpected might happen . It might be a sudden loud noise , or just that the kids get too loud . Maybe she trips and falls . Or it might be nothing at all . Then , Patches leaves . Her eyes hang a little lower , and she is no longer there . She becomes unresponsive to her name or anything at all . Her body is limp . This can last hours or even all day . It will often turn to drifting in and out of sleep , no matter how much sleep she has just had . She just checks out or " disassociates " . I truly didn 't realize the damage that can already exist at such a young age , and how high the price can be . There is no quick fix . How much can be undone over time and with patience and a safe home remains to be seen Today I went for such a visit , and it became clear that Bio Mom is going to be creating some complaints about the care in my home . One of the many examples of this was when I walked in and she said ( not to me , but about me to the social worker ) , " Can I bring her some clothes tomorrow ? Because she is obviously wearing the same shoes and pants as last time . " This struck me as odd for several reasons . One , the last visit was nine days ago . Do you find it unacceptable to repeat a shoe , a week apart ? A day apart ? How about the shoe of a two year old emergency foster child ? And , three … three could be more like three through 47 . There are dozens of reasons why this is focusing on the wrong part of the story . I could have said a million things to just shut her down and put her in her place and remind her of why we were here in the first place . Why she was less and worse and wrong . Yep , I came home and relived the visit with The Dad and acted out all the harsh and witty retorts I could think of . I had left feeling defensive and insecure about the unreasonable complaints and forgotten how those exact feelings were multiplied by a thousand for Bio Mom . Ever time I saw her for a visit , she was reminded of the mistakes she has made , how she had gotten here and how she had lost the only thing that matters . The social workers knew the complaints were silly , so why did I care ? I became embarrassed and overwhelmed with empathy when I thought of how I had taken the complaints so personally . I am committed to continuing to root for Bio Mom no matter what she does to try to change my mind , until the time comes when Patches goes home or doesn 't . Judging her and deciding whether she " should " go home , is not my job or my place . I only wish her a gentler , happier road from here out , one that will include her children and the support she needs to feel some successes . If it will bring her some comfort , she can complain all she wants . If it will make her feel bigger , I will let her make me look smaller . Because none of that matters . After some introductions from the other children that were met with Patches burying her face in my shoulder , I took her to have a bath by herself . She didnt splash and laugh or wiggle when I placed her in the warm water . She sat still , looking ahead or down with no expression on her face . Her body language was scared and tired , her tiny back rounded over . Occasionally she would glance at me . I talked and narrated what I was doing and sang in my softest , most buttery Disney princess voice . She let me gently wash her hair and body , and I took the opportunity to love her and also to examine this little body . I looked for clues , anything that would indicate what kind of world she had just been taken from . Her hair was clean . Her nails were trimmed . A tiny bruise on her thigh had the familiar , round bandaid mark from an immunizations trip to the doctor . I breathed . Maybe she had been cared for . Maybe she had a loving family and had just had a really crazy night full of mistakes . I could handle this . Hooper came in and invited himself into the bath . He was so excited to have an unfamiliar toddler in his bath tub . He splashed and laughed and wiggled , like two year olds should . He showed her his bath toys . She fought it , but he won and she laughed . Once she was dry and dressed , the first day home with Patches was similar to the first day home with a new baby . I felt unsure about every move . She was different than my two year old . I knew how to meet his needs , I knew what every facial expression and voice meant with Hooper . Patches was a different story . She was terrified of The Dad , the gentlest man I know . He wanted so badly to be able to comfort her , but had to strategically settle for being gentle and affectionate with the other children and me within her view , but not with her . If he was within a foot of her , she reacted with a crumpled face and arched back , before hiding in my chest or slithering to the floor . She obviously needed to relearn that men can be safe . I had no idea why . I experimented with different foods . I learned quickly that she needed to be presented with one or two tiny bites at a time . If I gave her an entire meal or snack with a pile of cut up pieces . It would all be in her mouth within seconds , and she would be gagging until I scooped most of it out . This was another example of how emergency foster care is a lot of trial and error . I called my agency at about 9 : 00 am to check in about what paperwork needed to be done . They didn 't even know I had been placed with a child . They told me a case worker from the agency and one from the county would contact me by the end of the day . That night , long after The Dad had put the other small people to bed , she fell asleep on my shoulder and I laid her into her crib . I suddenly realized I missed my kids . Had I given them any of myself today ? Had I hugged them ? After weaving through a labyrinth of identical buildings ( see above ) , I finally found the giant cow sculpture landmark that I thought I was looking for . Sigh of relief . Clutching my bag and coffee , I walked up to the buzzer and pushed the button . When I found the right building , I realized it was clearly the only one that was lit up and there were two women walking through the front doors , each holding a car seat . Other foster moms . The kind of seasoned foster moms who knew what they were doing and where they were going . Suddenly , I felt like the nerdy , freshman foster mother who would have to face the cool , senior foster mothers . Deep breath . I walked into a normalish looking waiting room . In the middle of it , with her back to me stood a small figure in a very wet and dirty halloween costume ( I won 't say what kind , on the off chance of it being too identifying ) . I 'll call her " Patches " because she looks like the cuddliest Cabbage Patch doll you have ever seen . I sat down behind her and said hello as I slowly unloaded the stuffed animals and blanket . She turned around to show me the rest of her incredibly sweet face and big , tired eyes . Patches basically looked like she had had a really long and crazy night . She seemed interested in what I had and let me show her the animals and get a little closer . Once she had given me a tiny smile , I showed her some happy pictures of my kids on my phone , which she liked . Then I told her I was going to change her diaper and put on some nice new pajamas , which I held up for her to see . She let me gently pull down her costume and her gray , saturated diaper that looked at least ten hours old . It had soaked down to her feet . Within minutes , she was in her fresh and dry pajamas , and sipping juice under a blanket in my lap . I felt warm and hopeful . The other foster mothers each held their babies and asked routine questions that would go unanswered . The thing with emergency foster care is that you pretty much get no information . The children usually have nothing but the clothes on their back ( or in this case , a costume and no shoes ) . Sometimes they get the gender wrong . They might be developmentally disabled or HIV + or have a severe allergy or have been molested . It 's just a big question mark that you agree to take home and love for now . You may find out more in the following days or weeks . The child might go home or with relatives the next day , or never . It was still dark and cold by the time we left , and we had a long drive home . Patches was awake , but silent and still . I just wanted to hold her . When we pulled into the driveway , it was about 5 : 45 and the house was quiet . Every touch and movement I made with her was in slow motion and soft focus . I was going to envelop her in gentleness and comfort and show her that I was safe . I walked in the door with her in my arms and was greeted by one of The Cats . The other Cat lounged on the dining room table ( total disrespect for me ) . Patches was delighted and wiggled out of my arms . Then The Dog appeared . Patches was now beside herself and began running through the house laughing . We had just gotten The Cats cornered in the living room for a petting session , when The Dad appeared with Hooper for an introduction . Hooper was squishy faced with sleepiness and excited at the stranger who was just his size . With unprecedented care , he walked towards her and patted her shoulder , saying hello in his sweetest ( and loudest ) two year old voice . Posted in the foster care and tagged emergency foster care , foster care , foster mom , kids , mothering , parenting . Bookmark the permalink . This is not a drill . I wonder if I will ever get used to the middle of the night phone call thing . When it happened around 4 : 00 am the morning after Halloween , The Dad ran to grab the phone which had been left off the base somewhere in the living room . My heart raced with my eyes still closed as my thoughts immediately went to my father . Was he alright ? Would I be on a plane by morning ? Then I heard him say , " Ok , what have we got ? " . Then I remembered this whole emergency foster care thing . I bolted upright and cleared my throat . It was hard to think clearly with the left over adrenaline from my first thought . I took the phone and tried to process what the calm and authoritative voice was saying . " We have an urgent situation , I apologize for calling so early . I have newborn twins and a two year old girl . One of the twins has ( insert confidential medical information here ) and we are extremely understaffed here . " She explained that they had already been medically cleared and brought to the emergency children 's shelter about 40 minutes away , instead of waiting at the local emergency room for foster parents to arrive . I hesitated , and said , " Ok … ok , I can absolutely take the two year old if they are to be separated . " Once I had said it , I knew it was true , and it was all I could do . The Dad nodded and went out to start the coffee while I spun in circles trying to find some jeans . I went into the garage and found the bin carefully labeled " GIRL , 2T " . I grabbed a stuffed bunny and and stuffed hippo . Soft , pink blanket . Warm pajamas . Juiceboox and granola bar . Within about nine minutes , I was dressed and semi - ready and on my way out the door , coffee in hand . I could have been projecting , though . Am I the only one who is constantly attaching human emotions to my pets ? Next time , I 'll talk about how the pick - up and homecoming went . Now , if you will excuse me , I have a mountain of tiny clothes to fold , and a giant latte to sip . Posted in the foster care and tagged emergency foster care , foster care , foster mom , kids , mothering , parenting . Bookmark the permalink . Just So Stories . . A lot of my day is dedicated to addressing a looping cycle of the 5 W 's ( and that one H - curse you , H ! ) being thrown my way . Remember this one ? " I keep six honest serving - men ( They taught me all I knew ) ; Their names are What and Why and When And How and Where and Who … " In this case , it was just , " What is that ? " . We said no . I had a stomachache over it , but I just knew it would not be a fit . The call was for two little girls under two . One was on methadone and one had various physical and developmental disabilities . I think one of the tricks to being a successful foster family is to be able to say no sometimes in order to keep the quality of care high . I keep reminding myself of this , when I get these overwhelming urges to adopt everybody . And I mean , everybody . The second call came a few days after that one . The little guy was already at the emergency facility and they requested that I go have a visit with him that day , and would pick him up the next . He was two , and was one of four siblings . Children under five weren 't allowed to stay at the shelter , so they were to be separated . I paced , I prepared , I did laundry , I packed snacks . I drove the 45 minutes to the shelter with my plastic baggie full of family pictures to show the siblings he would be alright with us - we were alright , weren 't we ? They buzzed me in and he was led out by a woman in scrubs . He could have been my Hooper 's twin . I spent an hour with Little Guy and by the end of the hour , we were rolling on the floor laughing together . I couldn 't wait to get him home . He had lice . I didn 't care . We would take him anyway . It should be a mother to comb through hair with careful , loving hands - not the tired , unfamiliar hands of the rotating staff at the shelter ( bless their hearts ) . I paced , I prepared , I did laundry , I packed snacks . I drove the 45 minutes to the shelter . When I got there , my stomach was in knots . When I saw the social worker 's face , I knew something was strange . She told me there had been a change of plans . They had located a relative and they were on their way . I was shocked , but tried to be gracious . I said , " what wonderful news . " Then I cried all the way home . How silly . I reminded myself over and over that it was good news . Of course it is better for him to be with family . I had made it about me and not about him . Foster families are a last resort , as they should be . I have a feeling I will learn something new with each call . Adaptability is strength in emergency foster parenting , but I still need to build my calluses in that department . By the time I got home , I was composed and my mind was clear . The kids were glad to take all of their stuffed animals out of garbage bags . This is our family 's second dodging of the lice bullet . Nothing like a happy ending . Hopefully , Little Guy will get his too .
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Since I can 't remember who I told what and when , here is a quick update on what 's going on in my life . Allison volunteered to go down South to help with Hurricane relief . We thought it might be right around Labor Day in Florida , but that wound up being no big deal . Instead she finds out on Friday September 12th that they need her on Sunday . We had a nice time at the annual Raytheon trip to Canobie Lake Park on Saturday , then Sunday I brought her to the airport to head down to Texas . Here is the email she sent out from there : Hi Everyone , I made it fine to TX though my luggage , with all my clothes , didn 't . Delta took off my luggage in NY when they shouldn 't and it got left in JFK . Good news is that it came in today . I haven 't done much yet . I 've been assigned a team of 5 others and we 're waiting for assignment . I did go on an errand to Marshall , tx - 2 hrs away , to deliver some supplies for a shelter . So that was nice that a few of us were able to do something besides sit around . Hopefully tomorrow will bring something . They plan on opening shelters in the disaster area and we 'll have sporadic everything so I may not be able to keep you posted besides this . I 'm staying in a staff shelter in Dallas today and it 's not bad - group sleep area , etc . The most exciting thing is that they have phones we can use for calls and there are red " Incredibles " phones ! : ) Anyway I hope you are all doing well . email me at allisonuccello ( at ) gmail . com Stay well ! - Allison The timing really is quite perfect : he 's going to be 11 this year , the same year as Harry Potter when he started at Hogwarts , and now he has his very own forehead scar in time for school ! Luckily for me , the scar had nothing to do with evil wizards , a dying parents protection or flying motorcycles , but it is a good one . The version of the story I heard was that McGuire was getting ready to go see an animal display at the library while visiting his grandparents in Maine , and before they left , he needed to brush his teeth . Being 10 , and stubborn , he was watching a TV show while brushing . So when his grandfather turned off the TV and made him go into the bathroom , he didn 't like that . Solution : sneak back to the TV as soon as Grandpa 's back is turned . Of course , he knows he 'll get yelled at when the volume notifies the adults of his addiction , so he runs into the bathroom to hide . The tile - floored bathroom . The slippery tiled bathroom . Can you guess what happened ? Note the chip on the tank . That was not there before the tooth - brushing . McGuire is fine , despite a trip to the ER and a CT scan . He got 6 stitches and might wind up with a thin scar down the road . For now , it is just a red line on his forehead , healing nicely . Kids . . . . So , better late than never ? It was a weekend of birthday parties , both of which went quite well . Carrie was first , hosting us on Mom 's birthday at her house . Us , in this case , was my family , Kurt , Carrie 's family , Dad and Joanne , Mom and Don , John and Laura ( it was also John 's birthday ) Pictures . . . My boys with both paternal grandparents at the same time ! Just wow . Such a beautiful monument , and a great time to appreciate how intelligent McGuire is . We spent a long time talking about the Second World War , things like Isolationism and making hard decisions like dropping nukes . Pictures are found in my picasa Web Album . WW2 Memorial No comments : All quiet on the home front , for me anyway . It 's been a crazy mix of crunch time and vacation time at work , so for the last three weeks I have been doing the work of anywhere between two and four people , obviously none of it as well as two people would do it , so I 've been working my butt off , putting in all kinds of overtime , and not spending more than the occasional weekend day with my family . I have been able to swing the extra time such that I still have two day weekends , which is great , it just isn 't quite as nice as the two / three day weekend cycle I 'm used to . The next few weekends should be crazy , birthday party at Carrie 's for her little ones , then one at my place the next day for Archer . I can 't believe he 's four already ! He certainly makes the most of his inherited stubbornness , I think he just might be the most stubborn person on the planet , and he is willing to argue with you that he isn 't until you both pass out from hunger . I tried to get Dad to come to John and Jane 's house this past Saturday for a party , I didn 't know it was to celebrate Jaime 's college graduation and landing a job with " The Magic Treehouse : The Musical " ! Major congratulations for that one , she is on a first - name basis with the author of the Magic Tree House books , so I thought that was pretty cool . Dad decided that he didn 't want me driving all over CT just to let him socialize , which is silly , I never would have offered if I wasn 't willing to do it . Jim was making fun of him , but most people were just bummed that he didn 't come up . It was a really fun time , Archer and McGuire were busy playing with Tucker , John and Jane 's half - lab dog , and Keira , Josh 's lab / beagle mix . I got to spend some time with James , who is a gamer like me and Josh ( complete with the M - rated violent games ! ) and talk to Jaime for a bit too . It was a really nice time , me and the boys stayed until like 9 : 30 , so Archer was a total mess when we left - just a bit overtired . I also got to show off my Rock Band skillz , which was awesome . I 've turned some kind of a corn1 comment : As requested , an update on my Dad . I saw him the day of the accident , and the Wednesday he got home from the hospital ( 6 days later ) , then I saw him again the following Sunday . Quite the difference between the visits . When he got home , he could walk , if barely . His feet were really swollen , and his knee was very inflated as well . His hands were casted up pretty well by that point , the right hand already in a cast that should last a while , the left hand in a more temporary one , to facilitate removal of stitches when the time comes . He again winds up being fairly lucky , in that he has some mobility in his fingers , even though the breaks are limiting his strength with them for now . For example , he can cradle a cup of coffee , and manipulate the straw into his mouth , but he can 't pick up the cup on his own . I felt bad when we saw him on Wednesday : Archer carelessly crashed into his leg ; the look of pain on his face injured me . I stayed for a few hours , enough to make sure he was doing alright , and see that he could make it up the stairs , which was hard , but he managed it . Sunday I brought the whole family down to see him . McGuire had been worried about his grandpa , and I think he was a bit jealous that Archer got to go down there with me and he didn 't . Allison got her weekend plans ruined due to my recent inability to schedule anything , but she was a good sport and a good daughter - in - law and came down too . We visited for a pretty short time , mostly just to take my Dad off Joanne 's hands for a while and have lunch with him . His mobility was dramatically improved in just a few days . He could walk a lot easier , and it seemed like he had a much better feel for how to deal with having a few weakened fingers instead of two hands . We took him out to the 99 , and he was able to feed himself really well . He needed his food cut for him , but I had to have that done for me with only one broken arm . To me , as nice as it was to have a really nice visit , the actual best part was that after Archer had one minor freakout over the seating2 comments : What an interesting weekend this Father 's Day was . . . I refer mainly to the Thursday , June 12th when my Dad got into what should have been a fatal motorcycle accident ; but there was also the visit to the East Coast by my sister and her family from Colorado . To think that I went into June thinking that seeing my nephews and nieces would be the big excitement . . . I guess I should start with Thursday 's fun , while it is still mostly fresh in my mind . I was sitting at my desk at work , around 4pm , when I got a double ring on my phone . This indicates an external call , usually Allison ; but on this day , it was Joanne . When the first thing someone says is " He 's alright , but , " you usually know that something bad is coming . She goes on to tell me that my Dad has been in a motorcycle accident , and broken both of his arms . I think I got a few details then , enough to convince me that I didn 't need to leave work early , but also enough to convince me that I needed to get to the hospital to see him that night . I think I have a habit of expecting the worst , and it has served me well , once you get past the extra stress I put on myself until I get the truth . This was really no different , I stopped at home after work to get some food and see my kids , who I knew were worried about their Grandpa Bob . They took a lot longer than I wanted to wait , but they really wanted to make cards for my Dad , so I had to wait . Eventually , I headed down the to hospital , roughly an hour away in New London . I get to the hospital ( after driving past the exit , no kidding , 3 times ) around 9pm , I think . I get a good spot , and see Joanne walking outside . She takes me to his room , and I 'm wholly relieved to see that my Dad only looks tired and in pain , not destroyed . He told me that he broke one of his right hand bones , and his left forearm . They had also done X - Rays on his neck and a CAT scan on his chest . When I got there , he was just about to have his right hand splinted up , which caused him a fairly high amount of pain , and he went into some shock , sweating and1 comment : I have created a flickr account to store photos , I 'll attempt to link them here to get a more solid " blog " thing going on . We were a little worried about the trip down to DC , since I finally got the orthopedic surgeon to take a look at my knee . I didn 't know how bad it would be , but I figured my knee was bothering me anyway , and the operation should be pretty trivial , able to walk out of there . It did wind up OK , but man was my knee tired at the end of every day ! I got the pictures of the inside of my knee , in case anyone is interested . We took a train ride out from Boston , got a neighbor to drive us into the city bright and early . We got a brief surprise visit by Allison 's sister Michelle in Boston , one of the resaurants she manages is just a block away from the train station , so she saw us onto the train . . . and didn 't get off in time ! She wound up riding with us towards Providence , where she was able to get a ride back into Boston . It was pretty funny . The train ride went well , took longer than flying , but so much easier , and less stressful than driving . Archer got a nice long nap in on the way down , fell asleep watching McGuire play on the DS . We were met in DC by Mary Ellen , Allison 's long - time DC resident sister . She had just announced to us that she was engaged , everyone else had met him , except for me . We went to his place for a picnic later on . First thing we needed to do was meet up with Carrie and her family , who were vacationing in DC for Sean 's birthday . It was raining , and they were not having the best vacation time , but it was nice to see them anyway , they are such a photogenic family . It 's getting late , so for now I 'm just dumping a bunch of pictures and I 'll maybe toss in a bit here or there to describe them . I can 't get enough of Abraham Lincoln 's writing . There is something so simple and so eloquent about it . McGuire probably thought I was weird because I felt like I just had to read the Gettysburg Address and this out loud when we were at the Lincoln Memorial . This statue is in the Capitol buildin1 comment : It 's been since March that I put anything of value on the blog , so I really want to try to fill in the gaps . In late March , we went to Mom 's for Easter . We were 4 of the maybe 60 people there , but it went well . The kid situation at these gatherings is crazy ! There were so many little boys and girls running around , it was really great to see McGuire be able to play with kids . Fortunately he is much more adept at socialization than I ever was . We went to Washington DC April 18th ! It was a long , but nice , train ride . More details and pictures will follow here . McGuire 's Karate school closed with only one class after we got back from vacation . To say that he is devastated would be a huge understatement . For now we are looking at the same franchise in a different town , but it is a half hour away , when the old school was 5 minutes . We are also looking at a different place , another one in town . That is still all up in the air . Also on the McGuire front , he had his Spring Concert . Dad came up to see it , and McGuire had a solo that turned into a duet . He had been practicing " Aura Lee " ( " Love Me Tender " ) but one other kid was also doing it , so they got their two solos turned into a duet . I have uploaded the video to YouTube . So much for the idea that I would actually post frequently , or even regularly . I had this grand scheme , on Sundays , when Allison is at church , Archer and I could think of things to post for family to read . That plan almost made it one time . I 'm so pathetic . Basically , Allison got paranoid about the amount of information some people put on the web . Beyond just the provocative MySpace pictures of teenage ( and preteen ! ) girls , things like where people live and their routine could make it easy for a sick ( evil ) person to track a person down from their web profile and hurt them . With respect to her , especially given her good intentions , I had refrained from putting anything up . I have come to the point , now , where I feel like having this token communication with people I care about is well worth the risk of the Internet Sickos , who I am not sure actually exist ( at least not trolling blogger . com ) . Here goes , my first attempt at getting some pictures on the blog . This picutre is from Christmas Eve , if the date on the bottom left didn 't give it away . Pretty much our annual " Family on the couch " picture . This is at Carrie 's house . Here 's a bunch of good " guess which kid it is " picturesNo fair using the different resolution to guess the age of the photos , either . I can tell who is who , but some of these you could just swap one kid for the other . Almost seven years apart and they look practically like twins , they even act like polar opposites of each other a huge percent of the time . Seriously . After seeing how nice it is to have Kim updating a web page with all sorts of info on her family , and Carrie following suit , my Mom said I should do one , too . Considering I 'm the most ' techy ' person I know , and most of my time is spent interfacing , in one way or another , with computers , it really does make good sense . I started a blog about my gaming habits around the beginning of the year , but I 'm just not that good at keeping that up to date . I 'm going to try to be better about this one , since the purpose is to let my family ( extended ) know what is going on in the lives of myself , Allison and my boys . I will try to get pictures up at least once a week , and hopefully some kind of " what 's going on " at least weekly , too . We 'll have to see how it goes I guess . Archer - Loki and Ares wrapped up in one five year old 's body . This kid is a ball of energy , and likely to remain a handful for a long , long time ; assuming he survives childhood . McGuire - Simply put , the greatest kid I know . He is so smart it really is scary at times . He 's got a wonderful sense of humor , a wildly inquisitive nature and he 's just as sensitive as I was when I was young . Rob - your faithful narrator in this little journal . Hopefully I won 't paint myself too glowingly at the expense of everyone else . Just take what I say with a grain of salt .
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I 'm curious , how many of you have your place paid off ? Show of hands . How many are working on it ? How many of you never even consider it ? About 15 years ago , my mother was in the market for a house . She could well afford it , so Dan and I encouraged her to buy it outright . The realtor talked her out of it . The reasoning was that without a mortgage , she wouldn 't get a write off on her income taxes . Anyone who 's ever looked at an amortization schedule , knows that with a 30 year mortgage , one ends up paying approximately triple the purchase price of the home . For a $ 250 , 000 home , one pays back not only the $ 250 , 000 borrowed , but also an additional $ 500 , 000 in interest . That 's assuming it takes the full 30 years to pay it off . It can be considerably less if the principal is paid off early . Our question about my mother 's situation was , would she get $ 500 , 000 worth of write offs on her taxes ? The answer to that was no . Yet neither my mother nor the realtor got it , and my mother did indeed get a mortgage she didn 't need . I think about it on a more personal level . If it were you , what would you rather do with $ 500 , 000 ? Give it to the mortgage company for the privilege of a pennies on the dollar tax write off ? Or use it for something else ? There 's an odd logic out there about debt . Debt is considered normal . Debt is considered desirable . But who does it really benefit ? When considering whether or not to buy something on credit , my first husband would only look at whether or not we could afford the increase in the monthly credit card payment . I tended to look at the true cash outlay for the item , including interest , and how long it would take to pay it off . When I realized that the monthly minimum payment was less than the interest owed , I also realized that even if we never purchased another item on credit , that minimum payment would guarantee a lifetime of increasingly deeper dept . Our mortgage is the first debt Dan and I have had together . This is because were willing to make sacrifices and do without things many folks take for granted , not because we could afford to pay cash for everything . And no , we have nowhere near a $ 250 , 000 home . We don 't have that kind of income , which is why we bought an old fixer - upper . Of course , this means that any extra monies have to be put into repairing and upgrading the house , rather than making significant payments on the mortgage principal . On the other hand , if we 'd bought a home that didn 't need repair , our mortgage and monthly payments would be a heck of a lot higher . Our number one goal is to get our mortgage paid off . We do pay extra on the principal each month , but I wish very badly that we could just be done with it . I confess that debt is a source of insecurity for me . Debt gives other folks rights over our money and over our lives . Not only does our home not truly belong to us , neither , in a sense , does our income . In the end , they have the right to take it from us , without regard to our circumstances nor the situation it might leave us in . From time to time we talk about a money making blitz to pay it off . Right now Dan 's job gives him days off at a time . The trade - off is less pay , but more time to get things done around here . It 's why we can make the progress we do . If he has 3 or 4 or 5 days before going out again , we can get a lot done . There 's a trade - off with my time as well . I don 't bring in a monetary income , but the garden , animals , and general running of the household fall to me . Little if any of that would get done if I worked full time . This has been on our minds more and more lately , as the outlook for this nation 's economy gets gloomier and gloomier . I know we all wish it were just a matter of electing the right people to get things back on track , but I believe that 's a vain hope . The problem , I believe , is the modern consumer / profit mindset , which was always doomed to fail because human nature is never satisfied . So , where exactly is this post going ? Nowhere I reckon . I just think that mortgage debt is the biggest obstacle there is to making an honest go at family farming or homesteading . It takes the better part of most folks ' income to keep the piggy bank fed . All we can do is to chip away at it , a little at a time . I was actively paying off my meager mortgage debt until I realized that was our only debt . Paid cash for my car . So with two daughters 3 & 4 years away from community college I have decided to not pay down the principal . There 's no college fund so it will be schoolerships & loans . When the last child is done then I 'll restart . When our construction loan converted to conventional , the mortgage banker told me that if we would pay a 13th payment every year , we could pay our 30 - year mortgage off in 19 years . I 've been adding that extra payment every month and I have been stunned to see how it shows up in the principle . It still seems like drops in a bucket . Nancy , I think that 's a wise way to approach it , i . e . get all other debts out of the way first . Those usually have the killer interest rates ! Wow Michelle , free of charge refinancing , that 's a fantastic deal . Good point about college tuition and retirement ! Pelenaka , I agree , it 's better to pay cash than incur another debt like that . As eager as I am to have our mortgage paid off , I figure otherwise we 'd be paying rent , and that never goes away ! Sharon , I 've heard about that too . Isn 't it amazing what a huge difference it makes ? I once sat down and figured out how much extra we 'd have to pay on the principal to pay the house off in 10 years , but it was a little more than we can manage . Especially with so many repairs and upgrades needing to be done . We have become an " I want it all , I want it all now , and heck , I deserve it all " society . I 've been trying to explain to my daughter that working people can 't really have it all , not really . It 's all an illusion through massive debt . As far as I can see , most people I know will never pay off their mortgage . They pay little off their mortgage then they go out and buy bigger and better , going into debt more deeply . They assume their mortgage will never be paid off so never worry about actually doing so . Unfortunately they don 't see this as just renting from the bank ! Hubby and I had our last mortgage payment the month we sold our house in Calgary ( last summer ) . We had doubled our payments and put every extra penny that came our way on to the mortgage debt ( we had also bought a very small and affordable house ) . We moved out to Nova Scotia and paid cash for our farm . The last debt ( hubby 's bottom - of - the - line car ) was fully paid off in December . We are very grateful for having no other debt . We have a credit card but it carries no balance and is used for online purchases etc . The freedom given to us by deferring our gratification over the last 10 years has opened doors to us that would normally have remained closed . Having said that , I don 't know that I would change anything if I were in your position . You seem to be doing things right . You have certainly been an inspiration to me . No mortgage , no car payments . Although I have had both in the past . Of course it 's better not to have them , but I can 't say other than grumbling once a month it kept me up at night . Of course the economy was different , as it always is through the years , although no picnic in the early 90 's the two fisted deregulation of banking checks and balances hadn 't happened either . We weren 't uncomfortable with our payments which were actually lower than renting , managed to save a tidy sum and built equity up a little faster when we could . I don 't know if that was a bad mind set or a good one and I 'm certainly not one to judge how other people want to live their financial lives or what their mindset is . If you are kind to children , people and animals , don 't mind lending a hand to lift someone up , live thoughtfully on this earth and are generous when you can be , you 're all right in my book As to the right people to get things back on track , that 's a whole nuther nut . The current climate of politics and lack of compromise pretty much means no matter what people are in , nothing will get done with the my way or the highway attitude . we have no mortgage or other debts . no millstone around our neck , though it meant buying only a small cottage at the time and putting everything into renovating . which is fine , we have a dry , warm and cozy home , that 's all I need . when I see what 's happening all around us I am glad we did ! people built huge villas with I don 't know how many rooms , running with the " celtic tiger " - and not seeing that the bubble had to burst at some stage . I am not an economic , but every idiot could see that it wouldn 't last forever ! now of course everybody blames the politicians and bankers over here , but they forget to admit that they shouldn 't have taken on huge mortgages ( did you know that mortgage literally means death pledge ? ) for houses they don 't really need , a new car once a year etc . . . it 's all about common sense and if people loose theirs - they get the " payment " at some stage . . . . now there are thousands of families who pay rent for their re - possessed homes and pay off debts for the rest of their lives : ( ( no , thanks ! I hate debt . Plain and Simple . That is not to say we didn 't have any . Years ago when there was the first hint of things going south with the economy and we were both working full time , I drained the bank and savings and paid off everything . It hurt to have nothing in the bank . But now we are able to be debt free and I am able to stay on the farm to homestead . We had to make many sacrifices to live this way , but it works for us . I even try to pay the insurance in one sum so I can save the $ 5 monthly service fee for making payments . It all adds up to me . We are in the 22nd year of a 30 - year mortgage . We 've paid extra principal when we could over the years , so we 'll finish 2 years early . We had MASSIVE consumer debt ( a result of being young marrieds with low - paying jobs and early children , we maxed out those easy - to - get credit cards ) that we 've finally gotten out from under and paid off . We haven 't had a credit card in 5 years . Now our only debt is the mortgage , and the monthly payments are lower than renting a little 2 - bedroom apartment in this area . We 're not currently trying to pay it down , because we 're looking to sell and move in the next 18 months , and are using our " extra " money to make the house as attractive to buyers as we can . We drive used cars ( always have - never had a car note ) and live fairly frugally . The piece of your post that jumped out at me was the tax break aspect of the mortgage interest . And how people would rather pay the bank than their fair share of taxes . It 's not that I love to pay taxes , but the bottom line is there are services that we all use which must somehow be paid for . I am happy to support paved roads , good libraries , good schools , well trained police and firefighters , clean drinking water , healthy sewage management . My only complaint is accountability that my taxes go to those things and not to fraud and waste . ( yes I live in Kwame Kilpatrick country ) That said . . . we are close to the end of our mortgage . However , I can 't imagine maintaining this property and home as we age ( now in our late 50 's ) . But that 's another topic altogether . normally our only debt is our mortgage . But as you know from my blog I did go out and buy a new car . . . for that I put up 2 / 3rds and got a loan for the rest . . . a 3 year loan was the shortest term I could find . We only did that because the bank gave us an incentive to do it ( negotiated a lower price on the car with the dealer for us ) and we intend to pay off the car loan early . We do use credit cards , but pay them off in full each month . And once we sell MIL 's house we 'll go back to paying extra on our mortgage . I really don 't like the mentality that our country is in . I have too many friends who when they have a little extra go out and buy some silly trinket that they 'll just want to upgrade in a few months ( biggest TV , or cell phone ) . What really upsets me is that even though my mom doesn 't think like this . . . her husband does . We have no mortgage and I pay cash for my cars / trucks . I do have a loan I made that I am paying off . . . it drives me crazy . I hate making that payment every month . I pay extra on the principal every month and it should be paid off next year . I will never carry debt again . . . the emotional strain is overwhelming . " All we can do is to chip away at it , a little at a time . " That 's how we are dealing with it . When we moved to our land , we took out a personal loan to buy it and pay for the well and septic . And we have a 15 yr mortgage on the house . But if you just chip away at it as you can , before you know it , you 're finished ! The important thing is once you pay off one debt , use the same monthly payment and add it to another debt payment . Then it just snowballs and disappears quickly . When we paid off my truck , we added extra money to my husband 's car payment - now the loan balance is dropping like a rock . It will be nice to have them both paid off - then I might be able to " retire " : - ) Lets face it if you want a home you have to have a mortgage . We 've been lucky enough to pay ours off but only a couple of years before we retired . We tried to add more to the principle each month and that added up toward the payoff but if you have a young family that 's pretty hard to do . I 've sure enjoyed the rest of the comments on this issue . You bring up such interesting subjects Leigh . Amen ! No , our home is not paid off , neither are the two rental properties we own . However , we have a plan and ( Lord willing ) in 3 years or so we 're selling all three properties , taking the proceeds , and buying property / moving out of state . The mortgage will be far less , paid off sooner , and we 'll be able to give our children chunks of land , putting them in a better position than we were ever in . Mortgage for tax write off . Ha ! Sharon , good insight . I think folks just don 't have the self discipline to wait to save up for things anymore . I don 't reckon we 'll do anything differently either . The biggest concern is the potential to have a mortgage payment on past retirement . Would love to not have that expense then ! Theresa we 're fortunate in that our mortgage payments are lower than rent too . I just feel fortunate Dan has a job so that we can make our payments . I agree about kindness , helpfulness and generosity ! If we 'd all live like that , the world would be a better place , politics included , ; ) Bettina , we 've had a similar situation here . What a heartbreak when the bottom dropped and so many folks owed more on their homes than the place was then worth . I agree so much of it is common sense . Or ought to be anyway . Jane , actually , if one compares the interest spent on debt versus the interest earned from the back , paying off debt is a winner hands down ! I pay for our insurance that way too . Really adds up the savings , doesn 't it ? Debbie , sounds like a good plan , much like our fixing our place up for us ! It 's a difficult burden to be under huge debt . Really ties up the funds , doesn 't it ? Val , getting out of paying taxes seems to be the name of the game these days . Unfortunately , the ones able to do it seem the most able to afford the tax ! I admit that we would take the write - off too if we could . Our itemizations are less than the standard deduction , so our mortgage isn 't even good for that ! Sgtempleton , thank you ! And me too . BTW , you need a blog so I can come return the visit and comment . : ) Renee , the problem is that spending money is just too much fun ! Lynda it 's funny how some people are more comfortable with debt than others . I 'm very much like you when it comes to debt , and for paying cash . BrokenRoadFarm , that 's excellent advice to anyone wanting to get their debts paid off . And you 're right , it works really well . Barb , thanks ! I appreciate that . Yes , it 's a very sad truth that mortgages are so necessary these days . I think part of the problemApril 9 , 2011 at 12 : 16 PM I swear we must have some strange " ESP " thing going on between us , Leigh . I was just going to sit down and write a post about the past couple of days . . . The topic of which strangely mirrors your own post . As I write this comment , I 'm looking at the " word verification " below . Suckpott . ( too funny ) We are offically debt free ! It wasn 't always like this , we had debt , mainly inccured via some major health issues with our Dd but we did just as you 're doing , prepaying our morgage , this of course was after we paid off and cancelled our credit card and paid off a vehicle loan . When we bought our homestead we had a set price in mind and stuck to it . We made a lowball offer on this place and to our surpise it was accepted . This ment with the $ $ we made on sale of our home ( at the time ) , we could do the needed improvements ( new roof , furnace , plumbing , wiring , etc . . . ) to this place and still put down $ 22K , only financing a balance of $ 70K for 15 yrs . We prepaid and finally we closed out an IRA we had and paid off the balance in Nov . 2009 . Paying it off was such aburden lifted and now I don 't think we 'd ever take out a loan again . We pay cash for everything ! I thought I 'd add this ; kind of off topic but somewhat relates as well . Now that we 've been debt free for over a year we always check our credit report ( yearly ) and this year what we found was maddening . Our credit score was something like 845 when we got the loan for our homestead and at that time that was our only debt , but we 'd recently paid off another loan ( car ) and a credit card . Anyway now that we are debt free and pay cash , our credit rating is steadily dropping . It seems unless you use credit and pay on time and pay off debt ( without to mauch at any given time ) you loose ! Our score is now 720 and we are debt free and pay cash for everything ! Another example of how resposible people are penalized * sigh * Remember this country needs to keep people enslaved in debt to survive . In April 2007 we sold our Houston McMansion and bought a house 1 / 2 the price with cash . People told us we were crazy for not investing the money and getting a mortgage . We all know what happened to the market after the housing collapse . In April 2010 we took my IRA , cashed it out and bought a small farm outside the city ( in addition to our city house ) . We went from wanting to be debt free to questioning the wisdom of IRA / 401K savings . People again told us we were crazy for cashing out retirement savings and paying all the taxes and penalties . We 'll see down the road , but I no longer feel comfortable having money in accounts with so many gov 't rules . No where is ' safe ' , but you do the best you can to protect wealth you 've worked so hard to save . p . s . we are debt free on all else as well We 've paid off our mortgage , in a sense . My father - in - law paid it off and now we 're paying him back the same amount we used to pay the bank , but it 's all principal . We have no other debt , never have had . Our graduate studies were on scholarships . Our undergrads were done in countries where they were as good as free . And credit card . . . ha ! We 're the ones the credit card cos call " dead beats " . Too bad , suckers ! Now how d ' you write that smiley that sticks its tongue out ? This is an interesting subject . I know some people who have followed their dream and moved out to the countryside early in life . They all still have mortage debt on their properties . I also know people who own the same size properties at similar locations witouth having any mortage debt att all . They all have pretty much the same income level so what is the difference ? At least here in Sweden ( I 'm swedish which explains my poor english ) , the key to owning your own house without a large debt is " climbing the property ladder " . The people who stayed in the city for a longer time , and bought apartments in the central parts of town or small houses in the suburb , have been able to buy properties in the counryside ( which are cheaper ) for the money they earned by selling their house / appartment in town . The people who moved tho the countryside directly from rented appartments didnt have the same possibility . It 's kind of a twistwd system but thats how it works here . Eliza Faith , thanks ! Tami , how funny . Both our identical topic and especially the word verification ! Do you think somebody actually gets paid to come up with stuff like that ? ! ? LOLI 'm on my way over to your blog to read your post ! Kelle , what a great story . Not settling for too big a price tag and having a decent down payment is such a help . I know not everyone would agree with using an IRA to pay off a mortgage , but I say brilliant ! A secure home is a major retirement necessity ! Your added comment about debt and credit rating is part of why the system is flawed and doomed to fail . It actually punishes people for being responsible with their money . It took us several years to build up " credit " in order to get loan approval for this place . Crazy ! Anon , good for you for following common sense rather than what everybody else said . I absolutely agree with you about " investments " and " wealth management . " It would be one thing if the rules were in place to protect the investor , but in reality , they allow everybody else to a cut via fees and penalties . And in increasing devious and complicated ways ! If I had a choice , I 'd take the little farm over the wealth . If there 's no food to buy , who cares how much gold one has invested in . Katrien , from one " deadbeat " to another , I say that 's an excellent way to go . And for you , it 's wonderful that it can be principal only . It 's too bad more parents don 't help their children like this . Det Goda Livet / Tove , it 's the same way here . In fact , since we had no previous home or apartment to sell , we almost had no down payment for buying a home . There are 100 % financed mortgages , but that means so much longer to pay it off . In the end , I received an unexpected but small inheritance that enabled us to have a down payment . BTW , your English is very good indeed We are not mortgage free either . However , we are on target to have it paid off in nine years , which compared to 30 year loan we acquired when we moved here in 2006 , is a huge difference . We refinanced to a 15yr when the interest rates dropped last year and then did the math on how much extra principle we needed to add on a monthly basis to have the loan paid off in 10 years . Luckily we are still on target and the plan is any extra cash will also go towards getting rid of it . It was interesting reading everyone 's responses to this post . when I bought my current place , I put $ 75k down ( from the sale of a previous pile of . . . ) . Effectively , I had 45 % equity in my farm . I now have negative equity , as my real estate agent tells me that I 'd be lucky to sell it for what I owed , not including all the costs of sale . It 's very depressing . VERY depressing ! Unfortunately , college for me included lots of loans , so I have that debt hanging over my head , as well . ( I graduated when I was 40 ) At 57 , I don 't really see an end to it until ( may be be a blessedly long time ) my dad passes . I try to be responsible , but being a single person operation is very difficult . I definitely understand what you 're going through . Both you and Tami made mortgage - esque posts after my rant , so I 'm wondering if I stirred something up ? I hope it didn 't cause problems ! = P We 're concerned about the long term viability of cash as it 's purchasing power continues to decrease . I read somewhere yesterday that purchasing power has decreased 37 % since 1995 . In 15 years ! ? ! Kinda scary , especially since we don 't know what the government will do with all the debt mess . Since we have to carry PMI insurance for the first two years once we purchase the house , we 're planning on stashing the 20 % needed to pay it down to drop PMI over the next year but not actually pay it down . Keep the savings in hand until making the payment will actually matter . And it 'll provide me with more confidence . Dropping that $ 50 / month will only increase our payoff quicker . Our plan is to have 6 months of expenses covered in savings , save up that 20 % , and then drop everything else into preps and gardening and food storage . Realistically , we 'd like to get the house paid off in the next 5 years but depending on when we decide we want to build out in Wildwood , we 'll probably save the money instead so we 'll have the cash to build instead of getting ( another ) mortgage . Not having any debt is a long term goal , but it 's not the highest priority for us right now . Good luck working out a plan ! EmmaCity Roots , Country Life Toni , that seems to be most of us . Being able to refinance at lower interest rates and having a plan to get to payoff within 10 years is excellent . We were fortunate to buy when the rates had plummeted quite a bit . The only " bad " thing was that since we put 30 % down , we didn 't qualify for the lowest rates ! Laura , very depressing indeed . I think a lot of folks have run into that , but unless you 're planning to sell within the next so many years , who knows , values might go back up . I have to say , I can 't tell you how much I admire you for making the go alone ! Not sure if I 'd be able to do it . Emma , no worries , you didn 't start an internet tirade , LOL . I 've actually been working on this post for while . You mention a key factor actually , " comfort level . " It 's been interesting reading all the comments , because it seems that different things represent security to different ones of us . Working out a plan with that in mind is the best way to make actual progress on being 100 % debt free , I think . Michelle , good point and hopefully that will help someone reading this and needing to make a decision . If we had known upfront about the interest rates , we would have made a different choice , but unfortunately , we didn 't know about it until after we had already done the paperwork . Still , our monthly payments are way less than what we could rent for , so we 'll count the blessings . We did make sure there was no penalty for early payout . That 's in our contract but our mortgage has already been sold once , so who knows what will happen down the road ? ? ? ? ? P . S . I think we did save on some other charges and costs though , by putting that much down . I can 't recall exactly what at the moment , but for someone considering variables on a mortgage , it would be another factor to consider . We would love to have our house paid off . It really bothers Lee to have that debt . But it is our only debt so that is nice at least . We were just discussing a few days ago about adding more money to our house payment every month to help get it down faster . Sometimes it 's frustrating because we have so much work that needs done on our place which requires money on top of the house payment . Hi Leigh , I am a bit late to comment here but as I live in Canada things are a bit different . We paid off our home in 13 years , there is no tax deduction for mortgage interest and we had a very open mortgage . We could pay up to double each month if we wanted and there was no early payment penalties . As the interest rates dropped and our mortgage came up for renewal we kept the payment the same or adjusted it higher as we got pay raises . We cut 12 years off the mortgage without penalties . We do however use credit wisely . For large reno projects we use the 12 months interest free plan that the local building store credit card has . We have always paid it off within the required time so haven 't had to pay interest . I don 't understand the housing market in the US , but here we are not allowed to finance a home 100 % anymore , you must have a down payment and you can 't overpay for a house , nor can you buy a home that you can 't reasonably afford . The main difference tho is that there is no tax benefits whatsoever with a mortgage or interest . Val Val , I think a lot of us don 't understand the US housing market . Personally , I think the whole system has been corrupted by the " big bucks " mentality . You 'd think the powers that be would have learned a lesson , and reformed the entire system after the US mortgage crisis . I think it should have been a requirement to receive mortgage bailout money , but it wasn 't . Tax payers made up for the lenders ' loses , and idiotically , the same practices continue , with more hoops for potential borrowers to jump through . Gee , that sounds like a bit of a rant , doesn 't it ? Which is to say , it sounds like Canada made much wiser use of the lesson learned . I 'm late catching up on blog posts , but wanted to chime in here . J and I have a mortgage on our home . It is the only debt we have , and we selected a level of debt that * either * of us could manage on our employment income , rather than one we could only manage together . In the UK , a mortgage is the only realistic way for most people to buy a home - at least , their first one . If you rent , you never get * any * of your money back - and you still don 't own your place . The only other option would be to rent somewhere very small and save and save and save . . . . Most people would probably never get there . Of course , you can argue that it is the prevalence of easy borrowing ( and the number of dual - income families ) that has pushed housing prices through the roof . It is a myth that families are better off with both parents working ; it may have been true * before * it became the norm , but now stratospheric house prices have simply slurped up all the available ' extra money ' so you need two incomes to afford a family sized home . But that 's a rant for another day . Just thought I would put my two cents in here . I feel that debt has done alot of harm to the country and the way Americans think of debt . Not to long ago debt was to be avoided and you were unable to take out an interest only loan with no money down on a house ( still cant believe people fell for those - one being my aunt ) . This easy money ( financing ) sent prices thru the roof as it removed people from the actual cost of the property , the mindset was I can afford the monthly payment , never mind I am paying $ 500 , 000 for a house that cost $ 75 , 000 to build . I could go on all day about how this mentality drives up costs on property , health care , etc . . . I myself started working when I was 14 at McDonalds saving . I bought my first car when I was 15 paying cash . Work thru college paying in cash . I have since bought several new cars since then paying in cash , most recent being a 2011 and a 2009 . I do not have a mortgage because I rent which is changing soon as I just bought 10 acres and paid cash . The cabin I build will be paid in cash as well . Anyone can do it , it is hard and you go without many things but once you reach the goal of no debt all of a sudden your bank account continues to grow and when you want that new car , that new tv , etc . . the money is there . I will say ANY one in any situation can accomplish debt free life . I know some people are probably saying well hes a single guy with no responsiblites which is not accurate . My g / f stays home full time with our 2 boys 5 and 1 . My full time job I make just above the poverty level for a family of 4 ( thank you college ! Which the sate of our education system is a whole different topic ! ) . I do however work 2 other jobs which allows us to have the money to pay cash for things . I myself am sick of working 3 jobs which lead me to homesteading , Im sick of working for other people . Im sorry that I rambled on about this so much , this is just one topic that really hits home for me . My mother lives pay check to paycheck as do my g / f parents who recently lost their house to forclosuDecember 9 , 2011 at 10 : 00 AM Alison , I didn 't realize I hadn 't responded to your comment . We have the same situation here in the US . Very few folks can buy without a mortgage , and I think you 're right about house prices . The other thing that has done this , is perceiving houses as investments rather than homes . Folks are all too willing to sell to turn a quick profit , which drives prices up to where many of us cannot them . J Smith , I never could understand the mindset that debt is good and desirable . Good point that folks are totally removed from the true cost and value of things they don 't pay for directly . You are one of the few folks I know who was able to pay cash for your land ! That is so admirable . Our only debt is our mortgage , but we bought cheap ( house badly needing repair , hence all the remodel posts : ) , and were able to put 30 % down . We pay extra on the principal with a goal of getting this place paid off ASAP . Yes it 's possible to pay it off early . The savings on the interest alone ought to be a motivator ! Reading this post is well timed for us . We are just starting to consider the purchase of our first house . We currently rent . We have about 20k to put down and are looking for something under 80k . Luckily we live is a rural part of the midwest where housing is cheap . We could also wait another couple years and have more like 50k . However , we 'd also be losing 10k or so to rent . Would it be better to put that money into house equity ? I guess we still have some thinking to do . You sound like us . : ) Except we didn 't have an additional $ 30K coming within the next several years , so I can see why you 're considering waiting . Our kids are grown and out of the home , so we felt some time pressure if you will , about getting started on our land . I don 't know how many time my DH would say " we aren 't getting any younger . " We actually looked for 3 years though , before we found what we were looking for . One tidbit , because we put 30 % down , we did not get the lowest interest rate , even though our credit score was sterling . Other ways to look at it , you could buy now and pay any extra down on the principal as you have it . You can chop years off the life of your mortgage that way . Money lost as rent is never regained . In the meantime , you can be getting established on your place , goals , house , gardens , etc . Sounds like you 're taking time and care to think it all through . That 's the main thing . : ) This might be a long post . . . apologies up front . In 2003 my husband and I bought a home with the ' One income mentality ' . My husband is from Spain so he had a much better understanding and practice of saving and of " debt " . I was wanting to purchase a larger home with the intention of paying the mortgage with two incomes but he was adamant that we only count on one . As it happened , I became ill and required surgery that inflicted even more injury than the initial complaint ; I was now with chronic pancreatitis . If he had not insisted that we purchase and live our lives acclimated to only one income we would have lost our home during the 2008 banking cartel fiasco . Leigh , you don 't need to apologize for the thoughts that you have ( a profound understanding I would call it ) of this American " system " . Raging against such a corrupt system is what they don 't want us to do . Just accept it as " normal " . Money / Paper and Coin are a lot like pornography , once stripped of it , the penniless flounder in such raw poverty that it is difficult to watch without feeling disgust and contempt for those that exploit their dire circumstances . I disagree with this valueless " system " and leave you and your readers with this relevant declaration from MLK : https : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = zXEIYpnlxbwKeep up the ranting , Leigh . . . . I am not afraid of , nor offended by , the truth at all . : ) Jamie , you bring up a very excellent real life example , one that folks assume won 't happen to themselves . Enslavement to mortgage debt is not an admirable position , no matter how big and fancy the house looks . Thankfully , more and more folks are realizing the idiocy of the current economic system . MLK might not have realized it at the time , but his eloquent pride in being maladjusted is just as relevant today as it was when he spoke it . I realize that this blog post is now 4 yrs old , however this is exactly where I find myself . My husband and I have decided to sell our home and buy land outright . . . and we will have to rent a house for three years to save to build a house , but we will be mortgage free ! ! To me this is totally worth the sacrifice of renting and moving again , and building from scratch . . . to be mortgage free is a dream I am willing to work very hard to obtain ! Love the blog , so glad I found it Elaine , welcome ! And thank you for taking the time to comment , even on an old post . I think you and your husband have made a very wise decision , one that you will never regret . It takes self - discipline to not indulge in the instant gratification mindset . If we had been younger when we started , we would have done the same . Our mortgage remains our only debt , one we still wish we didn 't have ! We 're about to take on a mortgage in order to buy our farmette , but we hope it 's a means to an end . I 'm a saver , and I will work hard to pay the principal down quickly . B / c our kids are getting older , I 'm getting a part time job that will really help with paying it off early . I feel deeply the same insecurity that you feel , regarding a mortgage . We lost our last home to foreclosure , and it 's a difficult spot for me . Our loan will be pretty small , for a house / farm , so we 're hopeful it will be a quick payoff , and that making some money from the farm will help too . You all sound like us when it comes to debt and mortgage . So sorry to hear about your last home . I hope that isn 't a sticky point in getting a new mortgage . We 're still working to get our place paid off , but it is going to slowly to suit us . We just do the best we can and chip away at it . August 11 , 2015 at 5 : 57 AM 5 Acres & A Dream . The dream has always been to live close to the land . The 5 acres came in 2009 , when my husband Dan and I bought a neglected 1920s - built bungalow on 5 acres . The goal is simpler , sustainable , more self - reliant living , and a return to agrarian values . View my complete profile " The very term Husbandry speaks of relationship and intimacy . You need to know your land , your plants , and your animals on a very deep level . The only way to know these things is by observing them . " Scott M TerryKeys To Successful Homesteading I 'm supposed to let visitors know how my blog uses cookies . The only one I personally use is Statcounter , because I 'm naturally curious about traffic to my blog . I neither save this information nor share it . Google and Blogger add their own cookies , but those are beyond my control . - Homeschooling Links - DISCLOSURE : After I published 5 Acres & A Dream The Book , I learned about Amazon Associates . I figured if Amazon was going to pay a referral fee to someone for advertising my book , why shouldn 't it be me ? To increase my small percentage , I have linked other books and products mentioned in various of my blog posts . However , I only link to items I use and personally recommend .
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Published on 03 / 27 / 201705 / 03 / 2017 by afourytale - Michelle Paulson2 Comments This is a story that is told multiple times a week . Details are omitted to scrunch it into the allotted time . It is the story I tell before each reading ; the story of how I got started doing readings for other people . I want to share it here in its entirety because I think just once it needs to be written down with all the details in place . It was a regular day like any other . I was in grad school and had made a great friend . The kind that you meet and you already feel like you have known each other a hundred years . We had most of our classes together . We talked about lots of things ; I had my first child in grad school and she had been teaching longer than I ; married longer than I . She always had the best advice ; but one day our conversation turned to one of her students . A student that had leukemia . An eight - year - old little boy whom she tutored . I had no idea when we started talking about Matthew the impact he would have on my life . As my friend shared her worries and experience with Matthew and his family , I shared more about my gift with her . Opening something inside of myself I had held so close . Trying to share what little wisdom I had to bring comfort to the unthinkable situation that was facing this family , facing Matthew . Crazy town ; I told her . Crazy people do things like that . I didn 't think I could help and I was sure that if I did everyone would think I was crazy . No one can talk to spirits for real . The things that happened to me were just random and I wasn 't about to do them out loud in front of the world . I played small and it suited me just fine . I had a sweet little life at this point . Two kids and a new job ; I was moving forward into my sweet , quiet life comfortably . Matthew began to show up everywhere . He was in my car ; my kitchen , woke me up at night because I kept having the same dream . I would reach out for a tombstone that wasn 't there and carved into the rock were symbols I didn 't recognize . Each night I would trace them with my finger drawing symbols into a phantom tombstone . He asked me to talk to his mom . He asked me to help his family . Said he had something for his sister and turned into a butterfly and fluttered away . God knew if He sent me a child I would listen . God knew if He sent me a small boy that I would say yes . That with shaky legs , sweaty hands and my stomach in knots I would drive 40 miles into unknown territory and try to help this boy reunite with his family . Arriving made everything worse . Encountering the eyes of this mother and father who had lost half their hearts and a whole child to Heaven was almost unbearable . What if this didn 't work ? What if I was crazy ? What if I just heard and saw things that didn 't really exist ? I started praying in my head like a crazy woman . Dear God , please let me help this family . God please let this bring them some comfort . God please let this be real . God please don 't let this family down . It took a good twenty minutes to get comfortable . Twenty minutes of small talk and looking at a few pictures . Matthew showed up right away , but I had never seen energy move so fast . I couldn 't slow him down enough to hear what he was saying . And then something shifted . I started to hear him clear as day . I started to see him in his blue striped shirt and the wide grin expand across his face . He told his family about things he did in the house to let them know he was around . He described the item that he was buried with since I would have no idea what it was or how to pronounce what it was called . Matthew relayed to me the item he wanted his sister to have . He shared things he hoped for his family and wanted for the future . We drove to his grave because of my dream . I had chills over my whole body as I stepped into the reality of that dream . Stepped into a solid , tangible reality I had only seen in dreams . I explained to them about the symbols Matthew wanted on his tombstone . His dad drew multiple samples on a napkin ; skeptical trying to prove this was really happening ; only one set of symbols represented what I had verbalized to them . Without hesitation , I pointed to the second set of symbols . The ones I had traced into stone night after night in my dream . Those were the ones . The ones Matthew wanted on his stone . That day changed my life . That day put me on a course with God 's plan for me . It unfurled my path ; a path I had refused to step onto for 15 years . When I was fifteen a line of spirits formed around me . A line . They would reach out one by one ; tell me I was going to help them and I would shake it off . It couldn 't be . How could I tell people out loud this is me ? I talk to dead people , seriously ? I couldn 't handle the criticism . I wasn 't ready . I wasn 't ready that day either and it would be about five years after this first reading for strangers that I would help other people out loud . Matthew never gave up . He would visit from time to time and nudge me down this path . Encourage me to keep the channels open ; to pay attention to spirit . When I first started giving readings he would be there with me . Cheering me on . Letting me know I was right where I was supposed to be . Eventually he handed those reigns off to my loved ones , but from time to time he still peeks in ; still says hello with that wide grin across his face and his head tilted slightly to the right . Always dressed in the latest trends and his jet - black hair just a bit spiky in front . It always makes me smile . Matthew helped me get to where I am today . Matthew taught me how to listen . He helped me understand how this gift would work . Reaffirmed that as much as I am here to help the living that I work for spirit . That I am here to translate the messages of spirit to their families . When I give a reading I always let spirit lead . Spirit starts with their agenda , their messages ; and those messages may not always be what their loved one may want to hear , but without fail they are always what their loved one needs to hear . Without fail loved ones end up finding a way to make sense out of the words and pictures that spirit gives to me . Spirit finds a way to make me feel both physically and emotionally what they want me to translate . God always leading the way ; allowing this miracle . I hope that what I do ; that each reading pays Matthew back somehow . That he knows that this is how I say thank you . That I am forever grateful for his determination and patience . That it is not lost on me that a boy , not yet nine , changed my life in such a profound and wonderful way . Thank you , Matthew and thank you sweet family who welcomed me into their lives unsure of what that day would hold . Thank you all for changing my life and being the first step on my journey . Thank you for sharing your son with me and with the world . It 's those words that almost ended one of my most important friendships . Those words split my soul . I didn 't think I was needy . I didn 't know what the hell she was talking about . Low self - confidence - yes . I have that . I get that . But I never saw myself as draining or needy . And I never expected to hear that from someone I thought cared about me . It is probably true that I seek external validation of my worth . But I am human . And I like to hear that I am good at what I do or that I am loved and appreciated . I guess some people don 't need that to thrive , but it sure helps me be the best me . Those words don 't bother me so much anymore . It is just a part of my human - ness and it is okay to want to hear how other people feel about you . To know that what you are doing makes an impact or that you are an important person in someone 's life . To know you are wanted . That is okay and it doesn 't make you needy ; it makes you human . Being released from those words just recently happened . This past weekend I attended the James Van Praagh workshop . At this workshop , he asked us to do a mediumship exercise where we did a reading for ourselves and ask for messages from spirit that we need to hear . I don 't often ask for messages for myself . I ask to see glimpses of my own loved ones to know they are okay . To feel them around me . Same things everyone else asks , but I don 't ever sit down and try to do an actual reading for myself like I would for a client and this is exactly what James asked us to do . After lunch I headed outside and said guide me to the spot where I need to be . I kid you not I walked directly to this tree that had a statue of St . Francis of Assisi who is the patron saint of animals . This is my papa 's saint . It is also the prayer that I have been repeating most often . In fact , I had read it three times that morning before attending the retreat and had read it each morning prior to that . The first thing that I saw was an elephant . She was beautiful . She walked toward me and extended her trunk . Her rich brown eyes were deep . I could see each wrinkle in her trunk and could feel her warm breath . Immediately I heard a voice that echoed my own heartbeat . " You are exactly where you need to be . " Then she evaporated and behind her were all four of my grandparents . Each in pairs holding hands , smiling and waving . My papa stepped forward and said , " We all love you and we are all with you . " My heart nearly exploded . Often I wonder if they are proud of me . I wonder what they think of me sharing my mediumship with others . What they think of me as a parent , friend , daughter , wife , human . In that moment , when I heard his words , my heart nearly exploded because their love washed over me . Completely unconditional . They were so happy and so glad to see me . I share this experience because I think we all need love and validation . I think each of us needs these things to grow and become the best versions of ourselves . You don 't need to be ashamed of wanting these things or asking for them . You don 't need to wait for someone to tell you to do something nice for yourself ; you should just be doing it because you deserve time , attention , and affection as well . Becoming a medium wasn 't in my lifelong goals and dreams . It became something I am extremely proud of . It is a gift I hold dear . It has also become my dream to help as many people as possible . To be the best medium that I can be . It is work I take seriously and hold in the highest regard . In my youth ; however , it was something I spoke of little and felt more comfortable keeping to myself . Now , the road wasn 't an easy one and I often took the path of least resistance in the beginning ; I am human after all . But , God asks more of us . God asks us to follow Him into the dark and help shine his light unto the world . I know that is what God has asked of me . When I decided to share my gift with the world I was terrified . In fact , I went to see my therapist and discussed this at length with her . In her wise way she told me that the path was already clear and I just needed to see it for myself . She asked me to follow her in a simple exercise . She said , " I want you to close your eyes and just focus on your path . " Over the next few minutes she continued to ask , " Who is leading you ? Where are you ? What is happening next ? " I closed my eyes , and asked God to guide me and instantly I was in a meadow filled with white and yellow flowers and tall grass . A breeze was gently caressing my cheek and the light that surrounded me was the brightest and warmest I had ever felt . I looked down and I was on an unpaved road ; it was packed down beige colored dirt with stones and pebbles , and in some areas the grass had grown high and wild covering the path . I could see no other tracks or footprints on this path . http : / / www . ryylxjw . com / heavenly - wallpapers / 41004327 . html - original sourceWhen I looked up ahead of me to see who was leading me , there was a man dressed in a white robe with dark flowing hair . He turned back to make sure I was still following and gave me a radiant smile . His eyes were the color of dark , rich honey and they reflected a warmth in his soul . I immediately knew I could trust him . In fact , I felt like I had known him all my life . He travelled the path ahead of me without ever having to watch where he stepped . His sure footed - ness let me know he had travelled this path before . He stopped every so often and reached out into the grass and each time he did a child rose . He would usher me to touch them on their head just as he did . These children began to flock around me . A sense of purpose filled my soul . My therapist asked me to open my eyes . She then asked me to relay what I had seen . Just before I opened my eyes , the man nodded at me . He told me it was time . I know this could have been my imagination working overtime , but what I saw that day , in that moment felt real and tangible . There are still moments I can feel the way the blades of grass brushed against my hand as I passed . I can still see the light shining down and wrapping itslef around me warming and filling my soul . The faces of those children shining up at me and the support as they fell in behind me on the path . I believe God is leading me down the path toward sharing my gift ; I believe God is always guiding me to share the messages he wants delivered through spirit . It is always Him that I ask for guidance and strength to work with both spirit and the people who ask for my assistance . It is always Him . So , while I may not be an expert on Heaven , I feel that what spirit has shown me is coming directly from the source . What they describe is love . Heaven is love . It is unconditional , ever - growing , never - ending love . Spirit arrives to open arms and they are instantly washed over with love and warmth . It fills their soul to the brim and all fear vanishes . A soul may be required to complete tasks and provide assistance to other souls based on what they have experienced or neglected in this life . While another soul is open to choose and explore Heaven because of how well they lived their life here on Earth . I always get the sense that all is forgiven , but not forgotten . A soul is always required to work through unfinished business and learn valuable lessons that may have been missed or overlooked while on Earth . Heaven is love . It is unconditional and non - discriminatory . Heaven is a place we can all look forward to . But it is also a place where we will be held accountable for how we treated others and we will be lovingly guided to heal our souls and the souls of others we may have affected . Like with anything else that truly matters , we cannot use money or material possessions to purchase our place in Heaven , we have to earn it with our words and actions . We all get a ticket , but that doesn 't mean we get to ride for free . We have to do well here . We have to pay attention here to ourselves and others . We have to lift people up and be a part of a community . God is always paying attention and while we are held accountable for our actions ; we are always welcomed home . So in answer to your question ; Heaven is love and we are all welcome there . What we do there is up to us ; based on how we lived our life here . We are always forgiven and always welcomed with open arms . Published on 04 / 07 / 2016 by afourytale - Michelle PaulsonLeave a comment When I think about readings and how to describe them my first image is of a fingerprint . No reading is ever exactly alike . Each soul is unique , each message is different and I never know what to expect . I am sure that some of you have been to or at least seen a reading via TV . There are numerous TV shows about and even led by mediums now . One thing to keep in mind is just as every reading is distinct so is every medium . There are commonalities sure ; but it is my experience that each has their own style and precise set of gifts . Each has their own medium fingerprint if you will . Some people have asked me things like do I need objects or pictures to do a reading . Some have asked if I go into a trance or deep meditation to do a reading . For me I don 't need any objects or pictures . I do not go into a trance ; I just open up my heart and quiet my mind . For me seeing spirit is like breathing . I don 't have think about it ; I just do it . I have to think and work hard NOT to see spirit . Spirit is emotional . Trying to rationalize with spirit is like trying to redirect a tantrum throwing two - year - old ; possible but a lot of work . If I just feel and let my intuition ( a . k . a . soul ) guide me then communication opens up . But let me back up for a minute . Yesterday I talked about how at 15 I knew what spirit wanted me to do . At fifteen a line began to form . I know that seems strange , but there is literally a line of spirits that was and is waiting to speak with their loved ones through me . Some people wonder how with almost zero marketing and very little effort I can have a side business that keeps me busy doing this . Spirit is leading the charge . They are organizing this from the other side . I let spirit lead . What I mean by that is that I don 't call out to spirits that a client wants me to connect with to get started ; I am present to do the reading because spirit led me there . So just as I am helping the living here to have some peace , I am also helping spirit to have peace and deliver the messages that they are so desperately trying to communicate to their loved ones . It almost always matches up that who the client wants to communicate with is who comes through first . Spirit is all around us . Spirit is constantly trying to communicate . People often think that because they can not sense a loved one 's spirit that they are not around . That isn 't the case . We cause the block . Our soul and hearts seal up and harden to create a wall that not even spirit can access . The loss of a loved one causes grief and unexplainable pain . Our hearts and souls create the wall to cope and continue to move forward . Allowing spirit access means we have to open up emotionally for them to get through and often grief can prohibit that . So spirit is there ; we cause the block . At the start of the reading I just open up to spirit that is present and I let them tell me who is going to communicate first and then I just become the translator . I spew out everything I am given . Sometimes it is images . Sometimes spirits are chatty and I am literally repeating everything I hear . Sometimes it is actual emotion - I feel the body 's death and can relay that and any other emotions that spirit sends me . I can see , hear , feel , and smell spirit . That 's right I can smell spirit . Believe me , I am scientific in nature , I know that a great deal of this seems impossible . Rest assured that what I have experienced over the last two years is anything but . Spirit has shown me that they can communicate anything from telling a loved one that they should slow down they are going to get a ticket to letting me know the specific way they communicate with their loved one or how that loved one communicates with them - even when it is something as that sounds as crazy as a pile of rocks . They know what they want on their tombstone and can point it out - and this was in Chinese writing - I shocked myself when I picked this out of several Chinese characters correctly . Or they can tell me the item that the client has that belongs to them in detail . Or they know about family dynamics and weigh in on what might be happening . Things I could not possibly know about before hand and sometimes not always in agreement with what the client was hoping to hear . Spirit has their own agenda when they communicate and they deliver the messages we NEED to hear ; not always the ones we were expecting or wanting to hear . For years , I tried to explain what was happening to me or around me . As a child I just accepted that I was communicating with spirit and I was truly happiest then . As I got older I started to wonder if I was delusional or maybe just so good at reading people that I could actually read their minds and feelings ; but then things I would say would not register with them at all until weeks later when they would find out what I was talking about through a relative or even something that spirit said would happen did in fact take place . So several years ago I stopped trying to explain it and went back to accepting it just like I did when I was a child . I can not even begin to tell you the peace , the joy , the wonders that the universe seems to deliver to me when I just believe and let spirit and God guide the way . It is quite simply miraculous . There isn 't any explanation other than the impossible is possible . It is really something to see how excited spirit is to connect . They are always grateful . They don 't always make perfect sense right away , but 99 % of what they say seems to be dead on from what I hear back from my past and current clients . I am always in awe . Categories My thoughts on being a seer , Uncategorized • Tags communicating with the dead , ghosts , mediums , mediumship , spirit , spiritual medium , spiritual reading About Me I am a mom of four hence the name a " four " ytale . In this blog I offer my thoughts on motherhood , being a spiritual medium and other life lessons I have learned a long the way . Get posts via email Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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Much of this was Christmas dinner . Sol made strawberry cheesecake , there was a lovely pork roast and more cheesecake . The previous day we had lunch with friends , barbecue , blueberry cheesecake and paella with scallops . At the end , that 's timmy singing Jingle bells , except only the lyrics he knows , which is pretty much two words . And " Hey ! " So . . . three words . In the scene just before Jingle bells , Timmy had grabbed mamang 's cheesecake , so it was very good of him to share some of it with her : - ) . Today we ran out of cheesecake and went to the grocery to buy the makings . Tomorrow , there 'll be more cheesecake , but probably no more cheesecake videos . At around 1 : 34 he 's saying " guitar " . It took me a while to figure out what he was saying . It became clear one bedtime when he went through his list of musical instruments while pretending to be playing them . Drawing a finger across his hand is " guitar " : - ) It was Timmy 's birthday last Sunday , 2 Nov . Last year we had his birthday in Manila . This year , we 're in Wellington . It was a merienda birthday , and we had it in the house , which is pretty small , so we didn 't invite a lot of people . We were also sufficiently busy having fun that we forgot to take more pictures and videos : - ) . There 's a video of the important part though . Sol worked very hard on Saturday and Sunday , cooking and preparing everything . I did what I could to help , but it was trivial compared to how much work she and her mother put into the birthday . I think all that standing and cooking precipitated the start of her labor , at around 2 : 30AM on Monday . We called Julius and he , very graciously , drove us to the hospital at 4 : 30AM . Sol wanted to try for a natural birth , and that 's the preference of NZ doctors too , so despite Sol 's previous caesarian section with Timmy , we spend 24 hours trying for the natural birth . After everything being tried , and with sol pushing heroically but not enough progress being made , a c - section was finally performed and John Christian was born at 4 : 48AM on Tuesday , the 4th . Sol 's mother suggests that we should celebrate the birthdays of the two boys together , on the 3rd of November : - ) . John Christian making his first appearanceJohn Christian with SolAnd . . . resting After publishing First Amazon Purchase , I realized that Timmy 's favorite TV shows are probably available on DVD too . So I searched for " Little Einsteins DVD " on Amazon . Unfortunately , all the DVDs there are Region 1 only . Searching on . co . nz sites finds the same DVDs . I won 't buy any yet . He gets a healthy twice daily dose ( once in the morning , and once in the afternoon , fortunately , neither conflicts with naptime ) of Little Einsteins now , over SkyTV . He does love that show though , he now says " Oh no ! " incessantly , because of it , he sings the theme song when the show is on , and repeats much else that he hears there ( Oh , no ! it 's too high ! ) . We may buy the DVDs at some point . But not soon . Maybe a year or a year and a half after John Christian comes into the world . I ordered a few books and a CD from Amazon today . That 's the first Amazon order I 've ever made . Likely it won 't be the last . For technical books , particularly , not everything is connyveniently available in New Zealand , and even with shipping , Amazon is often still less expensive than buying locally . The reason I ordered from Amazon is because we borrowed a book from the library that Timmy really likes . It 's mainly because of that book ( Jo Moon 's " Making Letters " ) that , at 23 months , Timmy has now memorized all of the alphabet . Well , we 've shown him lots of letter books , so he 's been learning the alphabet for months now . And certainly he learned a lot of the letters from playing with his Laughtop . But " Making Letters " completed the process , and he loves reading it every night . It was time to return the book to the library , so we needed our own copy . We also bought other books in the series ( Making Numbers and Making Shapes ) . Since I was ordering from Amazon already , I went ahead and ordered a Spring book , and sol wanted a CD by Mary - Kathryn . There were several available at Amazon ( and in fact , Perfect Gift wasn 't in stock ) , but I didn 't want to grab them all . So I selected one , and if Sol likes it , we 'll grab the others . I was cold and shivering last night , up to around 10AM . I thought I 'd let it take its course , and get to the office in the afternoon . I can 't though since I 've got some mild vertigo . Last night was probably due to walking up the hill in the cold ( it was raining too , but just mild showers and I bought a small umbrella that , surprisingly , didn 't break or blow away in the Wellington wind : - ) . And then , when I got home , well , I have a bug at work that 's taken forever to figure out because the test cycle is just so long . So I worked on that til around 2 : 30AM . It seems to be an alfresco + lucene bug , and my various workarounds are not working . So when I went to bed it was unresolved , and I was cold and exhausted . Which is not to say that I didn 't enjoy myself during the bug hunt , but I still need to solve the problem . I 'll probably be working on that around 4 hours a day over the weekend . But not today or tonight . Need to rest up . Well , don 't go there then . I certainly won 't , anyway . Of those who do go anyway , likely only a few will experience this . But they did make the choice to go to the U . S . of Atrocity . I wonder whether they 'll learn how bad an idea that was , or just decide it was all a mistake . We read to timmy at night , before he has his milk and goes to sleep . And we always play his nighttime music . This time , he was excited by the camera and we didn 't get to read as much as we usually do since he kept playing to the camera . The music is from Rita Baloche 's , Bless My Little Boy . It 's great lullaby music . Some songs have christian themes , others don 't . Overall , a great gift to mothers of sons , highly recommended . Well , if the sons are boys . I don 't think it would have the desired effect if the sons are teenagers or older : - ) . One of those days was sunny , and the other , uhhh , haily . On the sunny day ( Saturday , I think ) , we went down to the mall . Along the way we passed by the playground and , among other things , timmy went on the slide . We had hail and sort - of - snow two weeks ago . I forget which day it was , but it was either the 9th or the 10th of August . I think it was the 10th , Sunday . Sol , Mamang and Timmy were very excited since it was their first experience with snow . Timmy didn 't really know what the big deal was , but he was excited because the rest of us were . Yet another reason to never visit the United States of Assholes . Sick of cancer , spine fractured , allowed to die in pain because he couldn 't stand in line for painkillers . And no one will be punished , because this is policy now , practically , in U . S . immigration . . Shining city upon a hill . A beacon of arrogance , and selfishness . Torturing and killing civilians . And proud of it . I received quite the shocking bill today . The telco bill for landline and broadband arrived and it was for NZ $ 285 . That 's about 3 months of bills plus late charges . I * knew * that I 'd set up direct debit with the telco . And when I looked at my bank statements ( online ) , there were payments to the telco for two months , April and May ( which were for March and April respectively ) . No payments in Jun or July though . I called the telco and they have no record of direct debit authorization though . Now , I have direct debit with the power company , and with the satellite TV company , but not with the telco , apparently . I think they lost my direct debit authorization . I know I 've sent it to them . But it 's a big company . Things get lost . I don 't care too much about it . I 've just paid the bill and will now remember to pay the bill every month : - ) . In case I forget , I 've got a repeating reminder that 'll email me of the payment schedule : - ) . A female soldier is raped , beaten , burned , and shot . The U . S . army calls it suicide . Where is your honor now ? What kind of army would try to hide a crime like this ? And if they hide rape and murder of their own , how many rapes and murders are they responsible for EVERY DAY , that will never be prosecuted ? America , a nation of ignorant ostriches , paying taxes through the nose so that its military can brutalize millions . And giving away billions , so that its allies can brutalize * their * millions . I took the day off today because last night and this morning I had some severe chills . The chills wouldn 't go away despite being under 2 layers of covers and warm clothes , plus a heater in the room . I thought it was just from working on code in the unheated living room ( the heater cuts off at 8 : 30PM , and I was up working till around 1 : 30AM ) , but after consulting my memories , I 'm pretty sure that 's not the real reason . First a diversion , for context . Now that doesn 't really have much to do about anything , except I had to put them somewhere : - ) . Back to context , on Saturday ( June 28 ) , we went to the early morning market at Porirua 's Cobham Court . This was an exploratory trip , so Timmy and my mother - in - law stayed home while sol and I left at 7 : 15 ( 15 - 20 minute walk to the bus stop ) to take the 7 : 45 bus to Porirua . We had lots of fun , and , with fruit and vegetables at around half to three - quarters the price at the grocery , an opportunity to save quite a bit of money . Given that we took the bus though , and in future my mother - in - law and timmy will be along , going there won 't be so much about savings ( although there 'll be some of that ) as about enjoying the weekend , buying fresh fruit , vegetables and fish , and then maybe taking a tour of the mall stores too . Which brings me to the fish : We bought quite a lot of fish there too , and squid , and crabs and shells that were like mussels . When we got home we feasted on the crabs and shells ( except timmy , of course , who isn 't allowed for shellfish yet , but he didn 't know what he was missing : - ) . We had crabs and shells left over , so for Monday dinner my mother - in - law reused them in a gata ( coconut milk , with vegetables ) . That was so good I had two ( female , both with roe ) . Apparently , that 's what did it for me . I 've had a similar ( chills ) allergic reaction before , but I get it only around every three years or so , so I forget the triggering factor and fall victim again a few years later . So it was an allergic reaction to the crabs . It almost feels like minor food poisoning ( I 've had that Posted by That is cool . I 'd love to have the Plus edition . It 'd be great if it composted diapers too . Timmy generates a lot of those , and we 'll have more with the new baby on the way . Unfortunately , I don 't see any mention of composting diapers . And even if they could handle diapers , I 'm sure they can 't take the volume generated by one baby : - ) . Timmy 's mother - in - law grandmother , my mother - in - law , sings him " Paper Roses " as a lullaby . She 's always sung him just that one song . Now Timmy remembers songs and he prods us what to sing by singing the first part of the song he wants . In his repertoire , " Paper Roses " ( actually , la - la - la - la : - ) , " Row , row , row your boat " , " Baa - baa black sheep " , and a few others from children 's books we 've read him . Posted by We 've had some trouble with video signal pauses with our SkyTV connection . We 've had it on three separate days . Strangely , not all channels had the pauses . In particular , free to air NZ channels didn 't have the pauses . So it wasn 't the signal transmission from the SkyTV satellite to our rooftop satellite dish . I thought maybe it was some issue with how Sky was pushing the data up to their satellite , from wherever it was coming from ( UK and U . S . , mostly , I think ) . That didn 't seem right though , since there 'd be a major public relations problem if all non - NZ video feeds had pauses . I still don 't know what the problem is . Today though , I applied Windows solution # 4 : Reboot . It wasn 't sufficient to just turn off the decoder settop box . I had to unplug it and plug it back in . That seems to have fixed the pauses though . I guess there 's some sort of problem with the decoder starting up sometimes , when we turn it on in the morning , and power - cycling it fixes the sync problem . I 'm very glad about this . My mother - in - law and sol really enjoy the Food channel ( we spend the great majority of our TV watching time watching cooking shows there ) and sometimes we all get frustrated because a particularly good show with mouth watering food is unwatchable because of 3 second pauses every 3 seconds . I hope this problem is consistently solved by Windows solution # 4 : - ) . So not only do Americans torture innocent ( and a few guilty muslims ) , they also torture for the Chinese government . Bravo . Oh , and they sodomized Iraqi boys too , and videotaped the atrocity . Damn . If the americans ever get their hands on me ( given the insane regime there , it could happen , even though I 'm completely innocent of all except blogging about American evil ) , I 'm going to die . I 'll kill myself before they can torture me . More : The FBI knew I had a good day today . First I went to the main / central branch of the Wellington City : - ) . Libraries . I was to have an interview at 2PM , but I went to Wellington with Sol , so I had a few hours to kill at the library . I hadn 't been seated for more than 30 minutes or so when I got a call from yesterday 's interview . They couldn 't wait til Monday for a decision . I had to make a decision today . I could understand their dilemma . They had another candidate waiting for their decision . If they were to wait til Monday for mine , I might not accept , and the other candidate might no longer be available . I was their preferred candidate , but they couldn 't afford to let the second candidate escape unhired if I were not to be available . I promised to give them my decision before the end of the day . I then proceeded to read from some java books . I 'd done the same the previous day , testing out some new things that were discussed in the books ( and which I knew of only theoretically ) , new to me , anyway , who last worked in java sometime around version 1 . 1 or very early 1 . 2 . That was good fun . Yesterday I wanted to borrow Java in a Nutshell . Should have grabbed it yesterday . Someone else grabbed it and now I 'll have to wait a month for it : - ) . The interview at 2PM went very well . It was surprisingly short . And they didn 't ask me any technical questions . I think that 's a mistake . Employers who are hiring developers should always ask technical questions , and maybe have the developer solve some programming problems . But maybe Catalyst 's directors have been around so many developers they can tell who is faking . Likely too , my interviewers were comfortable with the fact that my wife works for Catalyst , is doing very well , and says good things about me . When the interview ended , I went back to the library to read and play some more . I got a call soon after . Catalyst was offering me a job . The offer was for less money than the first offer , but I accepted anyway . I like how Catalyst does things , my wife enjoys it there , so I 'm sure I will too . Sol Posted by I went to an interview with iPredict at Victoria University yesterday . It was a great interview at a small startup . The offer is good , the work is going to be interesting . I 'm definitely interested . I 'd accept the position immediately , but then I got a call to schedule an interview with Catalyst IT , where sol works . So I 'm delaying a decision on iPredict for a few days . If Catalyst makes me an offer , and it 's competitive , and they make the decision very quickly , then I 'll accept that . But if the offer is off by 10k a year or they don 't make an offer by Monday , then I 'll accept the iPredict offer . I hope iPredict is still interested by Monday : - ) . I think they will be though . The market for PHP - Java developers is tight , and it 's hard to find someone who is willing to work with both languages . As it happens , I think that PHP for the frontend and Java for complex logic is the right way to do things . I 'm looking forward to working at either iPredict or Catalyst . I 've got an interview with a recruiter tomorrow . The position is an exact fit for my profile , so I 'm pretty sure the interview will go well . I sent an application for a senior developer position . My resume is right for that position . I 'm going to look at the intermediate developer positions too though . I 'm coming off a series of team leader positions and I think I 'd prefer the lower level positions though . At least for a year or two . After some decompression ( and getting a feel for kiwi management style ) I might be ready for team leader positions again . So I think I 'll be looking more at those intermediate positions rather than the one I 'm interviewing for : - ) . I already expressed some of that to the recruiter in a phone call , so he won 't be blindsided by it . I * am * open to a senior position too , but it 'll depend on who else is on the team ( senior support , is there a business analyst leader , etc ) . I 'm OK with handling business analyst type work for short periods , but I don 't enjoy it so I don 't do well at it beyond a month or so . I 've also applied for 4 other positions ( one in C + + , the other three being exact matches again ) , and I 'm waiting for a call from sol 's company . I 'd really prefer to work with sol 's company , Catalyst IT Ldt . That 'll be my first priority . But since I 'm not certain to find a perfect match there ( although the odds are pretty good ) , I 'm applying for other jobs too . Everything I 've applied for seems to be very interesting . I 'll be applying , in the next few weeks , for the less perfect matches : - ) . There 's a lot of work , but of course , not everything is a match ( as to skills , technology preferences , or location , since I 'm not open to work outside Wellington , or even in parts of Wellington which are not convenient to travel to ( e . g . , Upper Hutt ) . Sol took two weeks to get an offer , although that was through extremely serendipitous happenstance . If I get an offer in two weeks or so I 'll be doing pretty well . Sol and I were sure we didn 't want a television . We weren 't going to buy one , and we certainly weren 't going to have cable . Timmy is entertained by playing with common household items , and I 'm entertained watching him and reading online . My mother - in - law arrived last week though , and a few weeks before that we had to buckle down to getting a TV . We won an auction on a 29 " TV on ( where else ) TradeMe . We also bid on and won a TV cabinet for it . We definitely weren 't going to get cable because the website says installation costs NZ $ 600 . That 's almost half a month 's rent right there : - ) . And then two days ago I got a call from skytv . They have a promo , free installation and 3 months of free premium channels . Since my mother - in - law is here , and * she * won 't be entertained by the internet when I find a job , well , we grabbed the deal : - ) . We 're very happy with the TV and cable now , even though it 'll cost $ 45 a month : - ) . That 's about NZ $ 140 a month for landline , broadband and cable . But I think we 've stabilized our costs now ( unless we buy a car , but that 's going to be either never or after two paychecks , once I 've got a job : - ) . There are several cooking channels , there 's Discovery , National Geographic and News , and the free NZ channels are much clearer now ( for a week we were using the antenna on the roof ) . We won 't be watching much in the way of sports , movies or entertainment news , although Sol will want a tivo when the French Open , Wimbledon , U . S . Open and Australian Open come around ( very soon now ) . I haven 't found a tivo on TradeMe yet though , and I don 't have the necessary A / V jacks on either of our laptops to record shows using MythTV . She 's thinking she 'll be absent a lot for the French Open : - ) . I hope not . Happy Anniversary Sol . We were rather under - organized for the wedding : - ) . So we organized a trip to white island , with lechon , beer and a spectacular sunset , but we didn 't organize a program ( the guests made one up , thanks Cecil ) , and we didn 't think of a photographer or videographer . Fortunately , we got donations of pictures ( thanks May , Cecil , Francis ) from people who were there : - ) . I think I won 't send a mass email : - ) . Those who know about RSS and have subscribed to my feed will see this soon , the rest will see when I post another timmy video I guess : - ) . I have a pretty large sig quote file . But I add to it once in a while . I recently added : Against stupidity , the gods themselves contend in vain . - - Friedrich von Schillerand It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society . - - KrishnamurtiI have a few favorites , but this one just doesn 't appear enough in my sigs . I should really add it in there a few hundred times so it 'll appear in every other email : - ) Pobrecito mexico tan lejos de Dios y a la vez tan cerca de los Estados Unidos Gen . Porfirio Diazalong with , of course , GW Bush : Impeach , Prosecute , Convict , Execute Timmy has been learning words lately . He 's had quite a few words for a long time now , of course , Daddy , Dada , Mommy , Mama , Hug . But his learning is accelerating . We 've got a video where he points at a car going by and says " Kah " . Some sounds he still has trouble with , e . g . , the R in car . And the TH in bath ( which comes out " Bah " ) . He learned flower and tree a few weeks ago , and he 's now using " Down " as a command . When he wants to get off his high chair . He 's got hello , hi , and goobah already . And " yummy " from a story book we read him . There are a lot more words , but they 're not very clear yet . He can even say , e . g . , " butterfly " when we say it to him . But he doesn 't seem to remember long words between sessions yet . Unless they 're nonsense words , in which case he gets stuck on them for a week or more . He 's learning words very fast and , unfortunately , I don 't think I 'm going to be able to chronicle his verbal progress very much here . I 'll try though . And succeed once in a while : - ) . Oh yeah . " wow ! " . he 's got that down very well , including the tone of being amazed . Also , copying from me , when i tell him he shouldn 't do something " nyonyonyonyo " , complete with wagging finger . and " mo mow " , complete with wagging hand ( that 's " no more " ) . When we arrived , we stayed with friends of friends . They are lovely people and it 's a great home , a good place to stop and take a breath . But it 's never very comfortable staying with people I 've never met before so we were in a rush to get a job and move into our own home . Sol got a job at Catalyst IT two weeks after we arrived . This was a blessing descended from a long chain of blessings that started with an email post about postgresql . With the help of sol 's best friend and her husband , we searched for a house to rent , drove around for three weekend - days looking at homes ( thanks Julius ! ) and finally found the perfect little home from a web advertisement ( thanks Arlene ! ) . Our debt to Arlene and Julius are no longer within reach of our ability to repay , and as Jun Yamog says , the best we 'll be able to do is pay it forward . Our home - to - be wasn 't going to be ready for another two weeks ( it was being renovated ) so we stayed on for two more weeks at our homestay , and we spent a heck of a lot of money buying our bedroom suite ( Queen Anne bed , base and headboard , along with two bedside tables and a great dresser ) . We were able to get the bed into the house two days before we moved in . When we moved in , all we had in the house was the bedroom suite , Timmy 's crib , and the oven and dishwasher ( which came with the house , although they 're a bit old ) . We 'd previously ordered a refrigerator , washing machine and dryer though ( brand - new since we intend to stay here for a few years , and bring the whiteware with us when we move ) . Those arrived the afternoon after we moved in . TimmyHad to eat on the kitchen countertopI continued to model my CamiguinAction t - shirts in the empty living roomwhile timmy modeled cutenessSol modeled the kitchen 's walk - in cupboardQuite a few snacks later . . . Our second purchase from Trade Me ( our first was the bedroom suite ) was the dining setOn the same trip that another friend , Barry , helped me pick up the dining set , we also picked up a pair of lounging chairs . One is a lazyboy / rocker . The other just rocks , Posted by We 've been on Trademe a lot lately . That 's New Zealand 's dominant auction site ( like ebay , but limited only to New Zealand ) . We 've bought a few things , dining table and chairs , coffee table , living room suite , a lazyboy / recliner and its partner rocker ( looks the same , but doesn 't recline ) , a bedroom suite ( bed , dresser with mirror and two bedside tables ) . We 've been pretty limited in what we 've bought though . There are incredible savings to be made by buying on Trademe , but we can 't really participate in a lot of those savings since we don 't have a car . For the large items , we 're lucky to have made the acquaintance of a kiwi ( who is married to a filipina ) who has a van he uses for trucking large items . For a fee , we transported the bedroom suite , the dining table and chairs , and the lazyboy pair . He 's very nice , but we can only contact him for large pickups since the pickup / delivery fee is substantial ( but still much less than the fees for commercial services ) . The coffee table and living room suite were delivered . For small things though , we can 't really make any savings since generally we 'd like to purchase locally , so we could just go over and pick up the items , but since we have no car yet , we can 't pick up . In 6 months or so we might have bought a car already . But by then , likely , we 'll have the opposite problem . We 'll have too much stuff and will be posting them on trademe and insisting on pickup only : - ) . Thanks to Trademe and Barry though ( the kiwi with the van ) , we 've got a house that 's pretty much complete . We have two single beds to buy yet , for the extra room , for when my mother - in - law visits . We 'll ask for Barry 's help for those . A car would be helpful too , for some things that are large but cheap . For instance , we 've been here for two months and haven 't ironed any clothes yet . We bought an iron , but we haven 't got an ironing board yet . It 's too large to walk up the mountain with , but too cheap to ask for Barry 's help with : - ) . We 've got some very good friends who could help with transporting it , but theyPosted by Today has been a good day . Sol went to a viewing of an apartment for rent yesterday . Today she was offered the apartment by the agent . She hasn 't accepted yet because we were scheduled to view another apartment ( a few blocks from where we live now ) today . We just came from there and are very happy with it . The agent said he 'd inform us within the next two days if he was going to offer it to us . I really hope he does . It 's perfect , it 's in the right area for us , and we REALLY , REALLY want to live there . Well , we 'll know by Thursday . If we don 't get it , then we 'll fall back on the first house . We arrived in Wellington , New Zealand on the 10th . It 's the 23rd now , so we 've been here around two weeks . Here 's a compilation video of timmy at manila international airport ( you don 't want to miss that part ) , and walking through the airport at Sydney . We were very lucky to be put in touch with very good friends of Sol 's best friend , they have a four bedroom house and are only using three . So we 're on a homestay with them until we can get an apartment of our own . Here are some views of the house , from the outside and looking out the dining room window into the front garden . And views of the houses around us . Sol was trying to take a picture of our room when someone popped his head into the frame . We have half ( a very generous half , since our host family is MUCH larger than ours ) of the refrigerator . So we shop often ( twice a week , or sometimes more frequently ) since we need to refill our provisions when our half of the refrigerator approaches empty , or when we 're running low on timmy 's milk . We bring Timmy because we both have to be there , so we don 't forget anything , and because we can load up his stroller with heavy items , with me carrying the rest of the items for the ten minute walk uphill and home . He had a yogurt snack the first time we did that . Timmy is an early riser . Normally I would resent that since I 'm certainly not a morning person . However , he always wakes up smiling and makes the mornings lovely . We were concerned about the milk ( or formula ) that Timmy would drink in NZ . We tried to get him to drink milk in Manila and the first time that failed ( my mother - in - law couldn 't stand his protests so she gave in and made him formula ) . We later gave him fresh milk and formula mixes and he was OK with those . We weren 't sure how he 'd react to NZ milk though , so we bought a can of formula and we researched brands of formula available in NZ , and what the equivalent of our manila formula was here . It turns out that there was no problem . He loves the milk here and he drinks it better than he did his formula ( he would oftPosted by
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( Dr . Clark is joined on the stage by Carmen Myers . ) This is Carmen , who has been teaching people how to use the Syncrometer for a number of years . It 's quite easy to learn and the reason for it being fairly easy to learn is that you can organize your training sessions so that you always know what the results should be . What we 're going to do today is find out whether Carmen has copper on her . Maybe she ate it or stuck it on herself . A copper penny is what we 're going to search for . Maybe she 's hiding it under her foot . Of course , she 'd never put it in her mouth . But it might be hiding on her somewhere . So , we 're going to see if she has a copper penny , like this copper penny , on her . ( Dr . Clark holds up a penny . ) ( Dr . Clark places the penny in a plastic cup and puts the cup on one of the plates of the Syncrometer . ) I put a little water with it for a little better contact . And now the penny is on one of these plates . Incidentally , this device , made from scratch , costs around $ 50 . 00 in the US . I like to work with a bare - bones system like this so that I always know if there 's a problem , that I can trouble shoot it right there . And it 's much better for creativity not to have something inside of a black box . It 's better to be able to see inside . Okay , we 're first going to see what this current sounds like . Remember this is an amplifier , a one - transistor amplifier . ( Dr . Clark tests the Syncrometer on her own finger and the Syncrometer makes a high - pitched noise . ) And it is a bit squeaky - a bit hard to hear . ( After an adjustment a Sycrometer sound of " ta - da - di - da " is heard . ) That 's the control tone . Now , I 'm going to throw a switch , which puts this copper penny in the circuit and we 'll see if Carmen has copper on her . ( While holding Carmen 's hand in her hand , Dr . Clark presses the Syncrometer probe onto Carmen 's finger and the " ta - da - di - da " sound is heard again . ) It sounds the same as before , as the control , so I would say she does not have copper on her . Here is another copper penny that I am now going to put on her . I just taped it to her inner arm . Now we 'll see again if she has copper on her somewhere . ( Again , while holding Carmen 's hand in her hand , Dr . Clark presses the Syncrometer probe onto Carmen 's finger and the Syncrometer makes a " ta - da - di - da " sound - the control sound - and immediately afterward it makes a definite high C sound . ) That was quite a bit higher pitch . Now , if you 're doing this experiment and you 've put a copper penny on you and you can 't find it ( can 't get the high C sound ) , you know you 're doing something wrong . So , you have to train yourself until you get it right . It 's quite easy to do . Now I 'd like to know where she has this copper . I 'd like to know if it 's in her liver or bones . We have some slides of different organs . Maybe it 's in her brain . We have a slide here of brain tissue . We 'll see where she has the copper . Wouldn 't this be a great trick at the circus ? You could find out exactly what change a person was carrying in their pockets , provided you wet the pockets so that the coins could touch the skin somehow . But , you could tell them exactly what change they had in their pockets . I 'm searching again . ( After placing the " brain slide " on the plate and while holding Carmen 's hand in her hand , Dr . Clark presses the Syncrometer probe onto Carmen 's finger and the " ta - da - di - da " sound is heard . ) No , it 's not at the brain . Next we 're going to look at the liver . ( After placing the " liver slide " on the plate and while holding Carmen 's hand in her hand , Dr . Clark presses the Syncrometer probe onto Carmen 's finger and the " ta - da - di - da " sound is heard again . ) No , it 's not at the liver . I 'm about to show you the breakthrough experiment that excited me ten years ago . And on this I 've built the entire science of finding the underlying causes of tumor formation and cancer and what to use to undo it . Because before , you could not track what is going on in yourself . With the Syncrometer you can find not just toxic things like this , but all the normal metabolites - the chemicals that you normally use in your body 's functions . ( While Dr . Clark is talking she places a " skin slide " on the plate and , while holding Carmen 's hand in her hand , Dr . Clark presses the Syncrometer probe onto Carmen 's finger and the " ta - da - di - da " sound is again heard and then a definite high C sound is heard . ) Skin ! ( The frequency of the copper penny taped to Carmen 's arm plus the frequency of the skin of her arm " matched " the frequency of the copper penny on one plate plus the skin slide on the other plate of the Syncrometer . ) I 'm going to choose the sample of bacteria , the staph slide , and tape it to Carmen 's arm . It 's a very , very small sample . And now I 'll see if she has this bacterium in her or on her somewhere . A good way for you to start ( learning how to use the Syncrometer ) is just to look for things in yourself without worrying too much about where they are . After you get good at identifying things that are so numerous that they stand out even without putting a tissue slide on , then you can start searching for them ( on the inside of the body ) and finding out where they are coming from ( such as a food or body - product ) . ( While Dr . Clark is talking , she places a second staph slide on one of the plates and , while holding Carmen 's hand in her hand , Dr . Clark presses the Syncrometer probe onto Carmen 's finger and the " ta - da - di - da " sound is heard and then a definite high C sound is heard . ) Yes , we can spot that easily . I brought the file of a little five - year - old girl that we saw last weekend with me so I could read her story right out of her file . We were expecting a new patient at 12 o ' clock last Saturday . We waited until 4 o ' clock and when they didn 't arrive we got all our things together and were walking out the door when the family arrived , so we backed up and got ready . A mother was holding a five - year - old little girl with long curly locks . She was not alert and her body was quite limp , the head hanging down and her eyes closed . The mother said she had not eaten or drunk anything for two days and the week before she had thrown up everything she had eaten and she had not had a bowel movement for a long time , possibly a week . I thought to myself that we should immediately send her to the emergency room because it didn 't look as though she had a few days left . But one MD was still present - had not left - and we quickly agreed that if we sent her to the emergency room she would never come out . There is no way we could apply our methods in the emergency room , either in the US or in Mexico . And the first 24 hours would be critical and we would lose that to whatever procedure they would be doing , which would indeed save her life that way , but it would be totally useless ( for a full recovery ) . She had a bone cancer , they said , of the knee and lower leg bone that had metastasized to the body and gone into the other leg . It was not possible to do chemotherapy . It would not be possible to do radiation . And surgery would require amputations up into the mid - upper leg bones and that wouldn 't help either . Because of the metastasis she had no chance . So , we thought we should use our own methods by preference . We seated a family member and the mother , who was crying continuously . She held her child horizontally across her lap . There was no way of testing the child 's hand . We use a saliva sample in those cases and got a tiny bit of saliva , maybe half the size of a dime or less , which we put into a zippered baggie . We used that as a tissue sample . We saw that the child was full of Salmonella bacteria and full of the flu - ordinary flu . And the mother said that she had a temperature pretty bad for the last few weeks , higher and lower and getting worse . We searched immediately for clostridium bacteria so that we would have an idea whether she had a chance at all . And indeed , the clostridium bacteria were not all over the body , they were just in her bone . They weren 't even in the bone marrow . And she had never had any dental work done , so it didn 't stem from some bad dental work . So that was some good news . We immediately gave her 3 drops of Lugol 's . Now , I am telling you how we treat cancer in Tijuana and it 's a little different than I have in the book because this is our emergency program . And it is for somebody who can hardly swallow . She was lying in her mother 's arms and could not do much . So , I 'm going to look in the file and read along . These are her saliva samples stapled into the file . Child , female , age 5 , Ewing 's sarcoma metastasized into the bone marrow , she has an 8 ½ centimeter tumor and other tumors in the joints of her right leg and also in the left leg . In her state of distress there was no need to look at any tumors , there was no need to do any scans , but we did get a blood test on her . The nurse did get that , but there was no need to hassle with anything further because these might be the last few precious hours mother and child had together . And it would not change anything that we did anyway . If she got any better there would be time to do it then . We gave her three drops of Lugol 's Iodine in an eighth of a cup of water . And the mother pulled the child 's lips down and was told to pour it down . Working on the saliva sample we saw that she was full of yeast , ordinary baker 's yeast that you could bake bread with , and a fungus that grows on sorghum , a kind of corn . We very commonly see this because it 's an aftermath of killing large flukes . We have many more flukes than I ever let on to you in the books . I 've been finding them using a slightly different approach with the same technology . So the first thing I wanted to do was to see how many she had . ( To find out ) whether it was a totally impossible situation for us or not . She had a large fluke or two on two out of three bones in the skull and in a few other places , so we knew that she was very high in it . That 's why she was full of this fungus - these two fungus varieties - but no other fungus had yet taken over . When you kill these large flukes in a place where they cannot exit - normally they exit through the intestinal tract , but if they 're in the brain or the bone or in a muscle they won 't exit - they start to decay immediately . What does decay mean ? Well , think of the dead fish that you 've seen at the bottom of the fish tank when you 've gone to an aquarium store . You see a large halo around that dead fish and it 's all fungus . As soon as something dies , bacteria and fungus take over . That 's what happens in us when we kill those large flukes . So , the highest priority would be to digest those . So , we got some digestive enzymes brought right there to our clinic - the family arrived at 4 - it 's now 4 : 15 and time was trickling away on us - stirred it up and gave her one dose through the teeth . We tested her some more and found that her knee bone and her stomach were totally full of Staph bacteria . We ran next door , got some penicillin , made it up for her and gave her a teaspoonful . Meanwhile , we put the mother in our zapping chair and gave her some insulation to hold the child 's hands onto the electrodes . And we gave her everything else while she was zapping . We told the mother if she couldn 't get the child to eat by 7 o ' clock she would have to take her to the emergency room . We didn 't tell her the implication . But we couldn 't lose her to other reasons either , so we thought that would be the best compromise , and we told her if she could get the child to eat or drink a little something she could call a staff person and let them know . And the staff person would be riding herd over her throughout the weekend to see if the child really was eating . If not , they had to hurry to the emergency room . I didn 't hear from them until Monday morning . Meanwhile they were also supposed to take a homeopathic item , Oscillococcinum , for the flu that we had found in her . Monday morning the mother could hold the child vertically because the child could hold her head up and the child had her eyes open . They sat down . She was way too scared for me to touch her hand , so we continued using saliva samples . We saw that the digestive enzymes that she had gotten had indeed digested the fungus , that the antibiotic had worked , and that the zapping had done a lot . In fact , the mother said that she had opened her eyes right after that first hour ( we zapped her for an hour ) of zapping . We couldn 't give her oregano oil , which is way too powerful for a child that isn 't alert and willing to take it , but the antibiotic that we used , plus the zapping , got rid of the fungus at the bone and the bone tumor . On Monday , then , I looked at her bone cancer . The little right knee and leg were about double normal size , as hot as a stove to touch , and she winced when you touched her . The other knee was affected too , but not so much . She watched me all the time that I did all that - she was alert . When we tested her for flu it was gone . She had taken the Oscillococcinum for two days , so we said to go off it . Her right leg was swollen to five inches below the knee . They couldn 't give me any history of trauma . And now that the yeast and sorghum molds were negative - it had been killed in many , many places in the body - wherever we looked it was now negative - in other words , she had destroyed it - but now , there was a vast amount of cobalt , elemental cobalt , the toxic variety of cobalt , which had been released into the tissues ( the cobalt had been inside the yeast and sorghum molds ) . This is something I had not yet discovered at the time that I completed the last book . This cobalt competes with vitamin B12 I suppose and it shuts down metabolism . It is toxic to an item that I talk about in the last book , acetyl coenzyme A . Acetyl coenzyme A is the hub where all the food items that you eat have to go through . After going through this hub the food goes into the Krebs cycle or off to making fat or it goes to produce many different compounds . But , it always has to go through this hub called acetyl CoA first - and cobalt poisons that . And she was full of it now , so we had made matters worse in that sense . So , if we couldn 't pick that cobalt up immediately she would become unconscious from not having any metabolism going . Normally we get a head start on that by giving IP6 ( that is already in the book ) . IP6 is inositol hexaphosphate ( inositol phosphate with 6 phosphates around it ) . And each one of those phosphates can react with something positive like calcium or cobalt , and it does . It 's very effective . It goes in there and picks out the cobalt . That 's also what she had in her stomach , which was making her vomit constantly . The Staph was already gone , but the cobalt prevented her from holding anything in her stomach . Now you know IP6 is pretty sour , like straight lemon juice , but we gave her , right there in the clinic , 10 drops in a glass of water and one teaspoonful of inositol added to make it more effective . This comes from a book written by the inositol phosphate researcher , the IP6 researcher , Dr . AbulKalam M . Shamsuddin , MD , Ph . D . , who , again , found that after devoting his life - possibly 20 years - to this finding , could not get it applied in anyway . So he wrote a book about it , IP6 - Nature 's Revolutionary Cancer - Fighter , and it 's out on the stands , it 's very erudite . It is a pity that marvelously intelligent and research oriented people do their research in vain . I hope that you will make a difference in the future because I see a lot of good energy here today and I 'm hopeful that you will bring change . So , unless we could get that cobalt out she was still doomed . We gave her a B12 - " S - H - O - T " - ( spelled out ) to make sure she didn 't know what we were talking about . We turned her to her mother 's side and we argued between ourselves - our German doctor thought the child should be told - I thought the child should not be told because once she 's screaming and trying to get away we 'd never get the needle in her . And I won the battle . The doctor got a dose of 5 , 000 micrograms out - that 's five times an adult dose - so that it could out - compete the cobalt that was everywhere in her body . We also got her blood test back that Monday and we saw the usual things , none of them terribly severe . There was no reason that she should die . She had lead in the liver . Because one of her transaminases was quite elevated , we checked the saliva for lead in the liver . Now , you can see how that can be done - the same way I demonstrated to you . And it was very high . We are trying to track down where that lead came from . Her LDH was 275 - it should have been 160 - and if you read the last book you have a bit of an idea of what that was due to , probably food color ( legally allowed food color ) . At the bone tumor ( we 're still in Monday , here ) we found large amounts of asbestos . Asbestos causes the immune system in that tissue ( the white blood cells in her bones , in other words ) to become coated with a gummy , gluey material called ferritin . When they become coated with ferritin they can 't sense the bacteria , they can 't sense their enemies , they can 't stick out pseudopods , which they are supposed to do . And they can 't get oriented to the enemy , which is bacteria and virus and toxins . So , in other words , her immunity , her detoxifying system through white blood cells , the immunity , had stopped in the bone . That 's why everything was accumulating so much . So , we got our full spectrum light out because we have seen through Syncrometer testing that it takes the ferritin off of white blood cells - a very , very significant finding . Here we are ( under regular room lights ) with only two thirds of a spectrum , when we should be under sunlight . Not that something that far away is going to give you clinical health like we needed for this child . We got out our 24 inch full spectrum florescent tube , and as we sat the mother down to do her next zapping session a family member held that tube over her bones - ten minutes everywhere . We also sent out for a substance called levamisole , which takes the ferritin off white blood cells too . Now it 's Tuesday - I 'm reading my notes : She took everything I had given them . Powders ; powdered echinacea , a quarter rounded teaspoonful , powdered pau D ' Arco , a quarter rounded teaspoonful - those are the things that kill fungus - yeast and fungus , and powdered hydrangea , which gives you germanium . These were things to help her white blood cells , if they should ever get the ferritin off , so they would be able to go to work . She was taking some sodium selenite , and she was continuing to take the iodine . She was also adding HCL to all her food to sterilize it . The next day I saw her walking when they arrived . The mother was holding her hand as they walked toward the office door . I could hardly believe it , but she was walking . I looked at her right leg and the swelling was decreasing . This is Wednesday , the last day that I saw her . She is running up and down the hall . They brought in a bowel movement sample , the first one she had been able to produce , and it was easy to see about 20 flukes in it - if you recognize them . She had both Fasciola and Fasciolopsis . She had smaller varieties too , but we didn 't search for that . I taught the mother how to recognize them and I pickled the whole bunch of them - and here they are ( Dr . Clark places a Mason jar on the podium that is filled with brownish liquid and little pink objects ) . If you 've never seen them before , you can come tomorrow afternoon or anytime you catch me , and see close - up what they look like . Once a cancer patient comes in and sees these they say , " Oh , is that what they look like ? Well , I 've had these pretty often . " And we are , of course , getting more and more parasitized so it 's a good idea for you to recognize these . Finishing my notes from Wednesday ; She is eating a lot . Right leg is very much smaller , but still very hot . Searching in the saliva for evidence of large flukes - still positive . We 're now looking in a bone in the skull where the immunity was gone . We are looking at the basal bone in the skull at the rear - the ferritin is still positive . And at the parietal bone it is still positive . But at the leg bone it is negative and at the tumor it is negative - as if the body knew where to go first . So , the feritin had come off the tumor site and now the white blood cells would be able to go to work and remove the calcium deposits and everything that was there . Looking at the tumor - the yeast and sorghum fungus were negative , the cobalt was negative , the food dyes , asbestos , copper , and vanadium were negative . Malonic acid series , which we also see there , all five of them were negative . Aflatoxin was negative . Looking at the white blood cells for the tumor site , they were full of asbestos - they were doing their job . They were full of calcium deposits also , so they were working on removing that tumor . So , in less than a week we could turn that baby around . And that 's the promise - that 's the capability of this device . I came here to show it to you and I do have a workshop scheduled tomorrow afternoon for those who want to begin to learn to use it too . I have five minutes more , so I would like to go back to what I started out to say at the beginning . If you had only ten cancer treatments and they each give you a ten - percent remission rate you would have a wonderful result . And this is what should be made available to cancer patients and their families when somebody comes down with it . From this experience that society has had - 100 years of a terrible scourge - where different things should have been done , I believe we are under - using the talents we have in our two countries . We are under - using our Ph . D . 's , massage therapists , dentists , chiropractors , and all those folks that really would be interested in this , because they are really " a scientist at heart . " You don 't have to be called " a scientist " to be " a scientist at heart . " If you believe in cause and effect , and if you would keep notes , stay orientated to a problem and keep going after it and have tremendous perseverance - that 's what science is you 're a scientist ! This country and the US are full of Ph . D . 's who are broadly trained and would love to do something about the medical debacle that we are in . Ph . D . 's have a better training than MD 's in the biological sciences and look , the answer did not come from medicine - it came from an understanding of biology together with some electronics , in this case . PS from Dr . Clark : This child had total bone cancer from head to toe , plus brain cancer , which I learned from her scan when I got home . So she needed much more treatment , but her parents felt it was enough , since she could play and enjoy life . We 'll see .
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I have been a diabetic for close to 14 years . Up until 4 years ago , I took my meds and really paid little attention to my diabetes . Since my wake up call I 've lost 100 pounds . It was not easy but I did it . I feel 100 % better for having done it . Thursday I begin the next phase of my weight loss . I have been reading The 30 - Day Diabetic Cure by Dr . Stefan Ripich . What he says makes more sense than anything I have read . I will be blogging my successes and my downfalls for the next thirty days . I know that it is not possible to cure diabetes . It is possible to get me off the meds that will damage my organs and send me to an early grave . That is my goal . This is going to be a life style change . I will be seeing a doctor for some medical testing . I need to have before and after tests . I need my doctor to be on board with me or I will be seeking a new doctor . The goal here is to be healthy . I still need to lose weight . I need to increase my activity level . Being a writer does not allow a lot of time for exercise . I am actually setting up a schedule for the things I need to get done each day . It means you might not find me on Facebook as often as in the past . If you instant message me on yahoo , I might not be sitting at the computer . This is going to test my self - discipline but I 've tested it before with good success . This is not a fad . It is eating healthier and wiser . It is knowing what sets off my sugars . It is monitoring myself . It is about smaller meals more frequently . I am someone who often skips meals which is not good for me and causes spikes or lows in my sugar levels . I skipped Y so am going back to it . Y is for yarn because I spend hours and hours making baby layettes . I have four to complete at the moment . I can hardly keep up . But I love making them so I keep on . Y is also for yarn as in I 'm going to spin a yarn or tell tale . It 's what I do for a living . I write mysteries so each one of them is yarn . The tales I create around my characters and the mysteries they are embroiled in is the other passion in my life . Zoom that is how April has passed . I took on the A - Z Challenge to force myself to write and I thought it might be fun . I 've found new friends and new blogs to follow . It hardly seems like we 've gotten started and we 're done . I have enjoyed reading the blogs . I 've learned things I didn 't know . I 've gained ideas on how to do this next year . Or I might stick with writing off the cuff . Xenia is not the name of a futuristic character . It has to do with botony . It is the effect or influence of the pollen on structures other than the embryo , like the seeds or the fruits . I didn 't want anyone to confuse it with Zinnia which is a flower . I am filled with wonder this morning . I checked my e - mail to find a link to my latest interview . I wonder sometimes as I 'm giving them if I make sense . When I see them , I am full of wonder at how well they have gone . This is the link : http : / / wp . me / p18Ztn - 2w0 I was thrilled that Morgen Bailey could fit me in . She interviews a different author every day . I happened to be number 351 . I looked over the list and saw many of my writing friends there . I feel honored to be included with them . There have been several ventures in my life . The one that has been the most rewarding has been writing . I did a stink with silk flower arrangements for weddings . While it was fun it was not real fulfilling . I also sold Party Lite candles for several years . I just couldn 't seem to make it work for me . It was fun , but left me wanting . Teaching was my career and I loved it . I loved the challenges and the children . I would not have been able to do it if I didn 't . The one mainstay in my life has been writing . I turn to it when I have issues I don 't know how else to deal with . It 's a great outlet for emotions . I can vent on paper and then shred it . No one gets hurt and I don 't have any bottled up anger or frustration . I have learned to use that emotion to create those feelings in my characters . It gives them flaws and makes them more believable . Now I am venturing into new territory . I am writing a series , something I 've never tried . Also I 've chosen to write in first person . I have taken on writing articles and am going to be co - authoring a mystery . . . that could also possibly become a series . I ventured into the South Carolina low - country and found that I truly love it there . So I am working to sell my house so I can relocate there . I foresee different locations for future novels and short stories . I read all the books on how to write a query letter . I practiced . I sent out queries . I found I was getting no response . Not even a rejection . I got nothing . So I decided that since I am different my query had to be different and unique . I had my main character in my novel write the query to a small publisher . She introduced the problem . Then she introduced me . Finally she sent the editor my first 5 , 000 words . Would you believe I had a contract within a week ? ? ? Yep . My book was published about six months later . We are working on a book launch party and book signings too . Tenacity is something every writer needs . People who are successful have tenacity . They hang on to their belief in themselves and their abilities . I know I have this trait . I was twelve when I set upon my journey of being a writer . It took me twelve years to put together enough poetry to create a book . Only a Start was a labor of love and a journey that began with my early writing . I only had fifty copies and most of them were given away . It took nudging from friends , family , and colleagues to actually republish the book and when I did I added a second section of my writing and retitled the book Only a Start and Beyond . It 's a good book if you want to look at my growth as a writer . I stuck with it . I read every book I could find on writing . I even self - published four more books before finally finding a small publishing house that wanted to take me on . It 's that dig inside and hang on ability that keeps me striving to make my work better and better . I am sad that my visit with my niece and nephew was cut short due to a mouth infection I have . Ugh . I am sad that I will get home to my house and for the second year in a row I will have no water . I am saddened that for some reason my water pump turned on and ran for an entire month with no one at the house causing an astronomical light bill . I am sad that I could not make it farther than Morgantown , WV today . Rain and fog had me getting off to stay here . I had hoped to at least make Wheeling , WV by the time I stopped . Rotten luck seems to be following me home . Ugh . I have an unexplained pain in my upper right jaw . So bad , that it makes me cry . The right side of my face is swollen . Eating is not fun . I am still brushing but have backed off the flossing . Are you a writer ? What kind ? The kind who puts out an ebook every month ? The kind who slaps together a novel in six months ? Think about what you are writing . Is it quality work ? Self - published authors are flooding the market . Yeah ! ! ! Go Indies ! ! ! ! I think it 's great . However I am appalled at the quality of some of the writing out there . I strive to make my work the best it can be . I 've put it through writing workshops to make it better . I get it critiqued and edited to be the best it can be . I continue with each book to try and make my writing better . I have a small publisher who believes in me , but I was self - published first . I have a following which helps . I 'm not where I want to be . I 'm not on the NYT Best Sellers list . That 's my goal . I want to be able to walk into Barnes and Noble and take a photo of my Dad pulling my book off a shelf . Those are attainable goals . Why ? Look for quality . Accept nothing but your personal best . Find reviewers . Not all of them will like what you write . Let them be posted anyway . Take the bad stuff and make it work for you in your next piece . Quality is what you are striving for . If you write quality you will gain following . I don 't care who you are , anything is possible . If you have your heart set on doing something or being something , you can make it happen . It takes work to attain your goals . It is possible . I think every young boy wants to be a professional athlete at some time in his life . Most don 't make it . Some because they are not athletic , some because they don 't believe they can . I always told my students to have a back up plan . I wanted to be a writer from the time I was twelve years old . My parents supported that but , told me I needed a back up plan . So I went with my second option . I studied to be an English teacher . I ended up teaching special education . But I never forgot about my writing . It took longer than I 'd thought but , my first book was totally self - published in 1978 . I typed it , paid to have it bound . There were exactly 50 copies . I gave most of them away . It was 2004 until I published again . It is now 2012 , I have several books under my belt . I am now finally coming into my own as a writer . Now , that I have retired from teaching . Anything is possible . Life is full of options . I 'm retired so every day has different options . I can decided how much I want to work and what I want to work on . When I 'm writing I can choose whether to work on a novel , an article , or just my blog . It 's up to me which publisher I wan to put books with . For some it is up to them whether they choose to self - publish or find an agent or small press to publish . It 's up to me whether or not I am productive . I can choose to do absolutely nothing or be active an energetic . Life is all about options . Which options will you make ? This country was founded on a system of equality , so nobility has not had roots here . We are a country of haves and have nots and in some cases it 's because people have worked hard to make what they have count . The closest this country came to nobility was the Kennedy 's and yet , many of them have proven they are no more noble than your next door neighbor or the panhandler on the corner . In fact , in many ways the panhandler might be more noble . I will be traveling for the next week or so as I meander home to Michigan . I will endeavor to keep up with the A - Z challenge as I am really enjoying it . You all have a blessed Sunday . Mostly because that is what I write . I love a good mystery . One that keeps me guessing all the way to the end . If I have your book figured out in the first 100 pages , I may or may not bother to finish it . It depends on whether or not you 're also telling a good story . When I was teaching reading one of the things I did was read a mystery to my students . Mysteries engage the mind . They make you think . You start wondering who is next , or what will happen next . Sometimes a writer can tell you " who dun it " and do it so that you don 't believe them . That is a talent . I 'm often asked who my favorite author is . My answer is always whomever I 'm reading right now . I 've read Agatha Christi , Sirr Arthur Conan Doyle as well as the big name like Patterson , Deaver , Cornwell , Paretsky , and the list could go on forever . I 've also read John Gilstrap , Lee Childs , and William Kent Krueger names you might not know as well . Along the way I 've read Victoria Holt and Phyllis A . Whitney , Mary Higgins Clark , Mary Jane Clark , and Carol Higgins Clark . Again I could make you a list . So , I probably fell into mysteries by reading them . I look for mysteries in life because life is full of them . Have you picked up a good mystery today ? I had a hard time choosing between learning and leaving . I 'm learning to accept that I have to leave my winter haven and return home . It 's not going to be easy , however , I can come back . It 's what you learn that 's important . I have learned that you have to make an effort wherever you are . Whether you are in school or out in the world . You cannot learn by doing nothing . I 've also learned that learning can take place anywhere . It doesn 't have to be in a classroom . It doesn 't have to be taught by a specific person . It can be learned from research and experience . Lastly learning is something to share . It 's better when you can help someone to learn without them making your mistakes . But knowledge is power and sharing learning is sharing power . I journeyed to the South Carolina low - country in January . I 've been here for four months and am leaving for home on Sunday . I be been met with nothing but kindness from every person I 've encountered . I don 't think people here get angry . Southern hospitality is everything and more than I would have expected . In the first month I met a few people at a church I chose to attend . Over the time I 've spent here these people have become true friends . It hurts to think of leaving them . Not that I don 't have friends at home , I have wonderful friends there , too . In a solitary walk on the beach one day I met this amazing woman . She went through cancer with her husband when they were young . Together they have raised an amazing son . Tanner is a basketball player at Clemson University , but that 's not what makes him amazing . While in high school Tanner started Tanner 's Totes . He fills large plastic totes with items for pre - teens and teens who will have extended hospital stays . The program has grown and is a non - profit . I was so impressed when I went to the website that I have decided with Tanner 's permission to sponsor them . That means I will be giving money to his program with the sales of my books . It won 't be massive amounts of money ( I 'm not making James Patterson bucks ) , but it will be a way to give to those who are in need . I 've met a group of people who thought nothing of giving two weeks of their lives to travel to Costa Rica on a mission trip . There one of my new friends found an autistic child . She had read that if you touch an autistic child you need to completely hug them . Through an interpreter she was able to get permission to do that . She slowly approached the young boy and the interpreter asked if the woman could hug him . The boy not understanding agreed . When she wrapped him in her arms he immediately wrapped his arms around her . No one had been able to touch him since he was a baby . The tearful parents thanked her in every way they knew how , because once again they would be able to touch their own child . He became very calm after she hugged him , something else his parents were amazed at . Just a minute , just hang on , just wait . What does that mean ? We use those expressions all the time . Am I supposed to time you for a minute ? What am I hanging on to ? What am I supposed to wait for ? I think we take language for granted . Is the " just a minute " said in frustration or to gain time to finish whatever you are doing ? Is there a good reason for making the other person wait ? When you say " just hang on " is it because you are trying to save someone ? Is it said in annoyance ? What is the other person supposed to hang onto ? Are they hanging on to a tree limb so as not to fall ? Then there is " just wait " usually said in the early stages of anger or frustration . Just wait until dinner is ready . Just wait until your father gets home . Or just wait until Mom finds out . Sometimes in life you need the right incentive to get things moving . In my case , I have now have it . I 've spent the winter in the South Carolina low - country . I 've fallen in love with the charm of the place . I 've met some wonderful people . I 've been more productive with my writing than I have in a long time . However , it is now time to head home . I don 't want to leave . So , my incentive to be able to make this my permanent home . . . I have it . I will head home via the long way . Put my house up for sale and do everything in my power to get it sold . Hurrah because I have so many exciting things going on with my writing . My hubpages are starting to make some money . I have a new 99 cent Ebook out today . My book that was released in February is starting to sell . I have two book signings coming up in May and June . I am working on the second book in the Macy McVannel series . I have a beautiful daughter who makes me proud of her . Who has gone back to college while working full - time , raising a family , and keeping her marriage alive . Many of us would quit faced with the daily challenges of life . But she has persevered and will graduate in May . I have parents who are still active . And a brother and sister who love me . I have been surrounded by nieces and nephews . As well as my extended family of cousins and friends who have become like family . Then there is my winter haven . I am so grateful that I was able to find it . Nestled on an island on the Atlantic sea coast it has been an extraordinary place where I 've found many friends . Frustration , probably the worst word in the writing world . It is frustrating to me as a writer to have put my best effort into a novel or short story and see it go no where . I learned the hard way about vanity publishers . They cost an arm and a leg , do nothing at all to promote you , and you can only hope that you might make your investment back . I am close but I 'm not there . . . frustrating . Today 's frustration came out of Createspace , the self - publishing baby of Amazon . They told me that for $ 25 I can get expanded distribution into bookstores , libraries , and schools . My royalties on a $ 15 book will be $ 0 . 01 . Yes , that is correct one cent . I 'm saving my $ 25 and they can keep that program . This is the first book that is within four sales of actually paying for itself . As frustrating as all that is , I keep writing . For me writing is a must . I live and breathe writing . I lose sleep over writing . I can talk about writing for as long as you want . I even know something about it . Imagine that . I will not let the frustration stop me . It 's just one more obstacle to overcome . You can have all the dream and determination you want if you put forth no effort they go nowhere . Effort is what it takes to get the job done . Whether it 's writing or something else you have to make an effort . The great American novel will not be written if you don 't pick up a pen , pencil , computer and make an effort to put words on paper . This is a stumbling block for many . They want to do something . They dream of the success they want to have , but they do nothing to get there . I wrote . I still write . I studies writing and wrote some more . I taught writing . I wrote . I self - published . I wrote . I attended conferences . I wrote . I came away energized . I wrote more . I took writing courses . I wrote . I joined an on - line critique group . I rewrote . I still write . That 's effort . I found a small publisher . I have their support . I 'm still writing . I 'm expanding my horizons as a writer . I still attend conferences . I write . Having the determination to follow your dreams is hard . Dreams are what you hope to achieve . But many give up along the way . Life gets in the way of creativity . The dream seems unattainable . There are thousands of reasons for giving up . There are also thousands of reasons for sticking it out . Edgar Allen Poe did not reap millions from his work , however he is high among American writers . That fame never reached him . It may elude most writers . Did it stop him from writing ? No . Will it stop me from writing ? No . I have been writing since the age of twelve . For those of you doing the math that is forty - two years . It is what I do . When my daughter was little , I told her stories , I only wish I 'd recorded or written down . I can tell you I started with poetry . I enjoyed the rhymes . I have evolved into more than just a poet . Now I pen mysteries . I have written on the back of place mats in restaurants . I have some of those but not all of them . Any scrap of paper will do until I can get to my computer or a journal . None of this has been an easy road . It has taken years and years of determination to make my dream come close to coming true . I think I am almost there . Criticism is probably the hardest word to deal with . As a writer , I know I have to be thick skinned . Not everyone is going to like what I write . Some of my best friends look for things they can find wrong even if they like my books and stories . Knowing that it is given in hopes you will use it and make your next piece better is good rationale . My books are like my children . I have worked with the newest one since 2010 . I know my characters , the plot , the twists and turns . I put it through a writing workshop , to help make it better . I 've been compared to Agatha Christi and Patricia Cornwell . To Christi without the pomp and circumstance and to Cornwell without the blood and gore . Those are high honors , however I find I sometimes forget to give my readers enough to make my writing superior . I 'm getting better and I 'm working with people who help me . None of which makes criticism any better to hear . So , when I think of criticism , I think how can I make my next book better . What do I have to do to make my story worth buying ? I 've grown a thicker skin and no longer take it as a person assault on my work . Hopefully you will be able to get there too . B is for believe . Believe in yourself . I was twelve when a teacher told me I had a talent for words and someday he 'd see me in print . That was a long time ago , but I believed . I wrote poetry first . It was a way to express myself when I couldn 't find my voice to do it . It was not deep , it was just me . I took as many writing classes as were offered in high school , with little encouragement from the teachers . I went to college and majored in English , language and literature . I also took the journalism and broadcast writing classes . While the instructors told me I had talent , they could not help me develop it . So , I bought books on writing . I filled hundreds and hundreds of notebooks with my writing . I went on to become a teacher , but not the English teacher I 'd expected to be . I became a special education teacher where I learned more about writing in my Masters classes than any undergrad class had ever taught me . I practiced and practiced . I became better at the craft . I shared my love of writing with my students . I even shared some of my writing with them . It was 2004 before I would see my work actually published . I was self - published , but I was published . From that book of poetry , I have gone on to publish a book for tweens and teens and three mystery novels . My fourth mystery was picked up by a small press . By small I mean fledgling , but someone else thought my writing was worthwhile . For most people today is the first day of April . A day for practical jokes . For me it 's March 32nd and it 's been that way for 36 years . The cruelest joke of all was getting a phone call , telling me that the second most important man in my life had died . That would be my grandfather . Let me tell you about him . Grandpa was born in Newquay , Cornwall , England on June 1 , 1907 . He and his family came to the US by way of Canada in 1921 . There he met and married my grandmother . He was a brick mason and carpenter so his hands were always rough and dry . He was small in stature but it didn 't matter . He played the mouth organ and concertina . . . ( squeeze box ) . He also sang . It 's probably where my love of music comes from . He was also a talented artist . During my childhood he had lots of pets . Yes , the normal dog and lots of tropical fish . But he also had a raccoon , South American fruit squirrel , and an ocelot . I grew up around these animals and his vegetable garden . It was nothing to spend the day with a cup of sugar and a stalk of rhubarb . Grandpa talked about his family still in England , but he became a naturalized citizen of the US . My father is his eldest child . There were three others two girls and another boy . Grandpa loved them all and he loved his grandchildren . He wrote long letters to me when I went to Girl Scout camp . He later two finger typed letters to me when he moved to Florida . I regret that he only saw pictures of my daughter and that she missed knowing him at all . This year seems to be the worst in a long time for missing him . I 'm not sure why . After months of hard work , Rescue Mountain is making it 's debut . It is the product of a James Patterson class I took a year ago . Th . . . After months of hard work , Rescue Mountain is making it 's debut . It is the product of a James Patterson class I took a year ago . Th . . . Retired from teaching after 28 . 5 years . Have opened my own publishing company . Working with four authors . Happily in love with the man of my dreams , volunterring and loving it . Keeping active with yoga and walking . View my complete profile
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I have been a diabetic for close to 14 years . Up until 4 years ago , I took my meds and really paid little attention to my diabetes . Since my wake up call I 've lost 100 pounds . It was not easy but I did it . I feel 100 % better for having done it . Thursday I begin the next phase of my weight loss . I have been reading The 30 - Day Diabetic Cure by Dr . Stefan Ripich . What he says makes more sense than anything I have read . I will be blogging my successes and my downfalls for the next thirty days . I know that it is not possible to cure diabetes . It is possible to get me off the meds that will damage my organs and send me to an early grave . That is my goal . This is going to be a life style change . I will be seeing a doctor for some medical testing . I need to have before and after tests . I need my doctor to be on board with me or I will be seeking a new doctor . The goal here is to be healthy . I still need to lose weight . I need to increase my activity level . Being a writer does not allow a lot of time for exercise . I am actually setting up a schedule for the things I need to get done each day . It means you might not find me on Facebook as often as in the past . If you instant message me on yahoo , I might not be sitting at the computer . This is going to test my self - discipline but I 've tested it before with good success . This is not a fad . It is eating healthier and wiser . It is knowing what sets off my sugars . It is monitoring myself . It is about smaller meals more frequently . I am someone who often skips meals which is not good for me and causes spikes or lows in my sugar levels . I skipped Y so am going back to it . Y is for yarn because I spend hours and hours making baby layettes . I have four to complete at the moment . I can hardly keep up . But I love making them so I keep on . Y is also for yarn as in I 'm going to spin a yarn or tell tale . It 's what I do for a living . I write mysteries so each one of them is yarn . The tales I create around my characters and the mysteries they are embroiled in is the other passion in my life . Zoom that is how April has passed . I took on the A - Z Challenge to force myself to write and I thought it might be fun . I 've found new friends and new blogs to follow . It hardly seems like we 've gotten started and we 're done . I have enjoyed reading the blogs . I 've learned things I didn 't know . I 've gained ideas on how to do this next year . Or I might stick with writing off the cuff . Xenia is not the name of a futuristic character . It has to do with botony . It is the effect or influence of the pollen on structures other than the embryo , like the seeds or the fruits . I didn 't want anyone to confuse it with Zinnia which is a flower . I am filled with wonder this morning . I checked my e - mail to find a link to my latest interview . I wonder sometimes as I 'm giving them if I make sense . When I see them , I am full of wonder at how well they have gone . This is the link : http : / / wp . me / p18Ztn - 2w0 I was thrilled that Morgen Bailey could fit me in . She interviews a different author every day . I happened to be number 351 . I looked over the list and saw many of my writing friends there . I feel honored to be included with them . There have been several ventures in my life . The one that has been the most rewarding has been writing . I did a stink with silk flower arrangements for weddings . While it was fun it was not real fulfilling . I also sold Party Lite candles for several years . I just couldn 't seem to make it work for me . It was fun , but left me wanting . Teaching was my career and I loved it . I loved the challenges and the children . I would not have been able to do it if I didn 't . The one mainstay in my life has been writing . I turn to it when I have issues I don 't know how else to deal with . It 's a great outlet for emotions . I can vent on paper and then shred it . No one gets hurt and I don 't have any bottled up anger or frustration . I have learned to use that emotion to create those feelings in my characters . It gives them flaws and makes them more believable . Now I am venturing into new territory . I am writing a series , something I 've never tried . Also I 've chosen to write in first person . I have taken on writing articles and am going to be co - authoring a mystery . . . that could also possibly become a series . I ventured into the South Carolina low - country and found that I truly love it there . So I am working to sell my house so I can relocate there . I foresee different locations for future novels and short stories . I read all the books on how to write a query letter . I practiced . I sent out queries . I found I was getting no response . Not even a rejection . I got nothing . So I decided that since I am different my query had to be different and unique . I had my main character in my novel write the query to a small publisher . She introduced the problem . Then she introduced me . Finally she sent the editor my first 5 , 000 words . Would you believe I had a contract within a week ? ? ? Yep . My book was published about six months later . We are working on a book launch party and book signings too . Tenacity is something every writer needs . People who are successful have tenacity . They hang on to their belief in themselves and their abilities . I know I have this trait . I was twelve when I set upon my journey of being a writer . It took me twelve years to put together enough poetry to create a book . Only a Start was a labor of love and a journey that began with my early writing . I only had fifty copies and most of them were given away . It took nudging from friends , family , and colleagues to actually republish the book and when I did I added a second section of my writing and retitled the book Only a Start and Beyond . It 's a good book if you want to look at my growth as a writer . I stuck with it . I read every book I could find on writing . I even self - published four more books before finally finding a small publishing house that wanted to take me on . It 's that dig inside and hang on ability that keeps me striving to make my work better and better . I am sad that my visit with my niece and nephew was cut short due to a mouth infection I have . Ugh . I am sad that I will get home to my house and for the second year in a row I will have no water . I am saddened that for some reason my water pump turned on and ran for an entire month with no one at the house causing an astronomical light bill . I am sad that I could not make it farther than Morgantown , WV today . Rain and fog had me getting off to stay here . I had hoped to at least make Wheeling , WV by the time I stopped . Rotten luck seems to be following me home . Ugh . I have an unexplained pain in my upper right jaw . So bad , that it makes me cry . The right side of my face is swollen . Eating is not fun . I am still brushing but have backed off the flossing . Are you a writer ? What kind ? The kind who puts out an ebook every month ? The kind who slaps together a novel in six months ? Think about what you are writing . Is it quality work ? Self - published authors are flooding the market . Yeah ! ! ! Go Indies ! ! ! ! I think it 's great . However I am appalled at the quality of some of the writing out there . I strive to make my work the best it can be . I 've put it through writing workshops to make it better . I get it critiqued and edited to be the best it can be . I continue with each book to try and make my writing better . I have a small publisher who believes in me , but I was self - published first . I have a following which helps . I 'm not where I want to be . I 'm not on the NYT Best Sellers list . That 's my goal . I want to be able to walk into Barnes and Noble and take a photo of my Dad pulling my book off a shelf . Those are attainable goals . Why ? Look for quality . Accept nothing but your personal best . Find reviewers . Not all of them will like what you write . Let them be posted anyway . Take the bad stuff and make it work for you in your next piece . Quality is what you are striving for . If you write quality you will gain following . I don 't care who you are , anything is possible . If you have your heart set on doing something or being something , you can make it happen . It takes work to attain your goals . It is possible . I think every young boy wants to be a professional athlete at some time in his life . Most don 't make it . Some because they are not athletic , some because they don 't believe they can . I always told my students to have a back up plan . I wanted to be a writer from the time I was twelve years old . My parents supported that but , told me I needed a back up plan . So I went with my second option . I studied to be an English teacher . I ended up teaching special education . But I never forgot about my writing . It took longer than I 'd thought but , my first book was totally self - published in 1978 . I typed it , paid to have it bound . There were exactly 50 copies . I gave most of them away . It was 2004 until I published again . It is now 2012 , I have several books under my belt . I am now finally coming into my own as a writer . Now , that I have retired from teaching . Anything is possible . Life is full of options . I 'm retired so every day has different options . I can decided how much I want to work and what I want to work on . When I 'm writing I can choose whether to work on a novel , an article , or just my blog . It 's up to me which publisher I wan to put books with . For some it is up to them whether they choose to self - publish or find an agent or small press to publish . It 's up to me whether or not I am productive . I can choose to do absolutely nothing or be active an energetic . Life is all about options . Which options will you make ? This country was founded on a system of equality , so nobility has not had roots here . We are a country of haves and have nots and in some cases it 's because people have worked hard to make what they have count . The closest this country came to nobility was the Kennedy 's and yet , many of them have proven they are no more noble than your next door neighbor or the panhandler on the corner . In fact , in many ways the panhandler might be more noble . I will be traveling for the next week or so as I meander home to Michigan . I will endeavor to keep up with the A - Z challenge as I am really enjoying it . You all have a blessed Sunday . Mostly because that is what I write . I love a good mystery . One that keeps me guessing all the way to the end . If I have your book figured out in the first 100 pages , I may or may not bother to finish it . It depends on whether or not you 're also telling a good story . When I was teaching reading one of the things I did was read a mystery to my students . Mysteries engage the mind . They make you think . You start wondering who is next , or what will happen next . Sometimes a writer can tell you " who dun it " and do it so that you don 't believe them . That is a talent . I 'm often asked who my favorite author is . My answer is always whomever I 'm reading right now . I 've read Agatha Christi , Sirr Arthur Conan Doyle as well as the big name like Patterson , Deaver , Cornwell , Paretsky , and the list could go on forever . I 've also read John Gilstrap , Lee Childs , and William Kent Krueger names you might not know as well . Along the way I 've read Victoria Holt and Phyllis A . Whitney , Mary Higgins Clark , Mary Jane Clark , and Carol Higgins Clark . Again I could make you a list . So , I probably fell into mysteries by reading them . I look for mysteries in life because life is full of them . Have you picked up a good mystery today ? I had a hard time choosing between learning and leaving . I 'm learning to accept that I have to leave my winter haven and return home . It 's not going to be easy , however , I can come back . It 's what you learn that 's important . I have learned that you have to make an effort wherever you are . Whether you are in school or out in the world . You cannot learn by doing nothing . I 've also learned that learning can take place anywhere . It doesn 't have to be in a classroom . It doesn 't have to be taught by a specific person . It can be learned from research and experience . Lastly learning is something to share . It 's better when you can help someone to learn without them making your mistakes . But knowledge is power and sharing learning is sharing power . I journeyed to the South Carolina low - country in January . I 've been here for four months and am leaving for home on Sunday . I be been met with nothing but kindness from every person I 've encountered . I don 't think people here get angry . Southern hospitality is everything and more than I would have expected . In the first month I met a few people at a church I chose to attend . Over the time I 've spent here these people have become true friends . It hurts to think of leaving them . Not that I don 't have friends at home , I have wonderful friends there , too . In a solitary walk on the beach one day I met this amazing woman . She went through cancer with her husband when they were young . Together they have raised an amazing son . Tanner is a basketball player at Clemson University , but that 's not what makes him amazing . While in high school Tanner started Tanner 's Totes . He fills large plastic totes with items for pre - teens and teens who will have extended hospital stays . The program has grown and is a non - profit . I was so impressed when I went to the website that I have decided with Tanner 's permission to sponsor them . That means I will be giving money to his program with the sales of my books . It won 't be massive amounts of money ( I 'm not making James Patterson bucks ) , but it will be a way to give to those who are in need . I 've met a group of people who thought nothing of giving two weeks of their lives to travel to Costa Rica on a mission trip . There one of my new friends found an autistic child . She had read that if you touch an autistic child you need to completely hug them . Through an interpreter she was able to get permission to do that . She slowly approached the young boy and the interpreter asked if the woman could hug him . The boy not understanding agreed . When she wrapped him in her arms he immediately wrapped his arms around her . No one had been able to touch him since he was a baby . The tearful parents thanked her in every way they knew how , because once again they would be able to touch their own child . He became very calm after she hugged him , something else his parents were amazed at . Just a minute , just hang on , just wait . What does that mean ? We use those expressions all the time . Am I supposed to time you for a minute ? What am I hanging on to ? What am I supposed to wait for ? I think we take language for granted . Is the " just a minute " said in frustration or to gain time to finish whatever you are doing ? Is there a good reason for making the other person wait ? When you say " just hang on " is it because you are trying to save someone ? Is it said in annoyance ? What is the other person supposed to hang onto ? Are they hanging on to a tree limb so as not to fall ? Then there is " just wait " usually said in the early stages of anger or frustration . Just wait until dinner is ready . Just wait until your father gets home . Or just wait until Mom finds out . Sometimes in life you need the right incentive to get things moving . In my case , I have now have it . I 've spent the winter in the South Carolina low - country . I 've fallen in love with the charm of the place . I 've met some wonderful people . I 've been more productive with my writing than I have in a long time . However , it is now time to head home . I don 't want to leave . So , my incentive to be able to make this my permanent home . . . I have it . I will head home via the long way . Put my house up for sale and do everything in my power to get it sold . Hurrah because I have so many exciting things going on with my writing . My hubpages are starting to make some money . I have a new 99 cent Ebook out today . My book that was released in February is starting to sell . I have two book signings coming up in May and June . I am working on the second book in the Macy McVannel series . I have a beautiful daughter who makes me proud of her . Who has gone back to college while working full - time , raising a family , and keeping her marriage alive . Many of us would quit faced with the daily challenges of life . But she has persevered and will graduate in May . I have parents who are still active . And a brother and sister who love me . I have been surrounded by nieces and nephews . As well as my extended family of cousins and friends who have become like family . Then there is my winter haven . I am so grateful that I was able to find it . Nestled on an island on the Atlantic sea coast it has been an extraordinary place where I 've found many friends . Frustration , probably the worst word in the writing world . It is frustrating to me as a writer to have put my best effort into a novel or short story and see it go no where . I learned the hard way about vanity publishers . They cost an arm and a leg , do nothing at all to promote you , and you can only hope that you might make your investment back . I am close but I 'm not there . . . frustrating . Today 's frustration came out of Createspace , the self - publishing baby of Amazon . They told me that for $ 25 I can get expanded distribution into bookstores , libraries , and schools . My royalties on a $ 15 book will be $ 0 . 01 . Yes , that is correct one cent . I 'm saving my $ 25 and they can keep that program . This is the first book that is within four sales of actually paying for itself . As frustrating as all that is , I keep writing . For me writing is a must . I live and breathe writing . I lose sleep over writing . I can talk about writing for as long as you want . I even know something about it . Imagine that . I will not let the frustration stop me . It 's just one more obstacle to overcome . You can have all the dream and determination you want if you put forth no effort they go nowhere . Effort is what it takes to get the job done . Whether it 's writing or something else you have to make an effort . The great American novel will not be written if you don 't pick up a pen , pencil , computer and make an effort to put words on paper . This is a stumbling block for many . They want to do something . They dream of the success they want to have , but they do nothing to get there . I wrote . I still write . I studies writing and wrote some more . I taught writing . I wrote . I self - published . I wrote . I attended conferences . I wrote . I came away energized . I wrote more . I took writing courses . I wrote . I joined an on - line critique group . I rewrote . I still write . That 's effort . I found a small publisher . I have their support . I 'm still writing . I 'm expanding my horizons as a writer . I still attend conferences . I write . Having the determination to follow your dreams is hard . Dreams are what you hope to achieve . But many give up along the way . Life gets in the way of creativity . The dream seems unattainable . There are thousands of reasons for giving up . There are also thousands of reasons for sticking it out . Edgar Allen Poe did not reap millions from his work , however he is high among American writers . That fame never reached him . It may elude most writers . Did it stop him from writing ? No . Will it stop me from writing ? No . I have been writing since the age of twelve . For those of you doing the math that is forty - two years . It is what I do . When my daughter was little , I told her stories , I only wish I 'd recorded or written down . I can tell you I started with poetry . I enjoyed the rhymes . I have evolved into more than just a poet . Now I pen mysteries . I have written on the back of place mats in restaurants . I have some of those but not all of them . Any scrap of paper will do until I can get to my computer or a journal . None of this has been an easy road . It has taken years and years of determination to make my dream come close to coming true . I think I am almost there . Criticism is probably the hardest word to deal with . As a writer , I know I have to be thick skinned . Not everyone is going to like what I write . Some of my best friends look for things they can find wrong even if they like my books and stories . Knowing that it is given in hopes you will use it and make your next piece better is good rationale . My books are like my children . I have worked with the newest one since 2010 . I know my characters , the plot , the twists and turns . I put it through a writing workshop , to help make it better . I 've been compared to Agatha Christi and Patricia Cornwell . To Christi without the pomp and circumstance and to Cornwell without the blood and gore . Those are high honors , however I find I sometimes forget to give my readers enough to make my writing superior . I 'm getting better and I 'm working with people who help me . None of which makes criticism any better to hear . So , when I think of criticism , I think how can I make my next book better . What do I have to do to make my story worth buying ? I 've grown a thicker skin and no longer take it as a person assault on my work . Hopefully you will be able to get there too . B is for believe . Believe in yourself . I was twelve when a teacher told me I had a talent for words and someday he 'd see me in print . That was a long time ago , but I believed . I wrote poetry first . It was a way to express myself when I couldn 't find my voice to do it . It was not deep , it was just me . I took as many writing classes as were offered in high school , with little encouragement from the teachers . I went to college and majored in English , language and literature . I also took the journalism and broadcast writing classes . While the instructors told me I had talent , they could not help me develop it . So , I bought books on writing . I filled hundreds and hundreds of notebooks with my writing . I went on to become a teacher , but not the English teacher I 'd expected to be . I became a special education teacher where I learned more about writing in my Masters classes than any undergrad class had ever taught me . I practiced and practiced . I became better at the craft . I shared my love of writing with my students . I even shared some of my writing with them . It was 2004 before I would see my work actually published . I was self - published , but I was published . From that book of poetry , I have gone on to publish a book for tweens and teens and three mystery novels . My fourth mystery was picked up by a small press . By small I mean fledgling , but someone else thought my writing was worthwhile . For most people today is the first day of April . A day for practical jokes . For me it 's March 32nd and it 's been that way for 36 years . The cruelest joke of all was getting a phone call , telling me that the second most important man in my life had died . That would be my grandfather . Let me tell you about him . Grandpa was born in Newquay , Cornwall , England on June 1 , 1907 . He and his family came to the US by way of Canada in 1921 . There he met and married my grandmother . He was a brick mason and carpenter so his hands were always rough and dry . He was small in stature but it didn 't matter . He played the mouth organ and concertina . . . ( squeeze box ) . He also sang . It 's probably where my love of music comes from . He was also a talented artist . During my childhood he had lots of pets . Yes , the normal dog and lots of tropical fish . But he also had a raccoon , South American fruit squirrel , and an ocelot . I grew up around these animals and his vegetable garden . It was nothing to spend the day with a cup of sugar and a stalk of rhubarb . Grandpa talked about his family still in England , but he became a naturalized citizen of the US . My father is his eldest child . There were three others two girls and another boy . Grandpa loved them all and he loved his grandchildren . He wrote long letters to me when I went to Girl Scout camp . He later two finger typed letters to me when he moved to Florida . I regret that he only saw pictures of my daughter and that she missed knowing him at all . This year seems to be the worst in a long time for missing him . I 'm not sure why . After months of hard work , Rescue Mountain is making it 's debut . It is the product of a James Patterson class I took a year ago . Th . . . After months of hard work , Rescue Mountain is making it 's debut . It is the product of a James Patterson class I took a year ago . Th . . . Retired from teaching after 28 . 5 years . Have opened my own publishing company . Working with four authors . Happily in love with the man of my dreams , volunterring and loving it . Keeping active with yoga and walking . View my complete profile
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I have been a diabetic for close to 14 years . Up until 4 years ago , I took my meds and really paid little attention to my diabetes . Since my wake up call I 've lost 100 pounds . It was not easy but I did it . I feel 100 % better for having done it . Thursday I begin the next phase of my weight loss . I have been reading The 30 - Day Diabetic Cure by Dr . Stefan Ripich . What he says makes more sense than anything I have read . I will be blogging my successes and my downfalls for the next thirty days . I know that it is not possible to cure diabetes . It is possible to get me off the meds that will damage my organs and send me to an early grave . That is my goal . This is going to be a life style change . I will be seeing a doctor for some medical testing . I need to have before and after tests . I need my doctor to be on board with me or I will be seeking a new doctor . The goal here is to be healthy . I still need to lose weight . I need to increase my activity level . Being a writer does not allow a lot of time for exercise . I am actually setting up a schedule for the things I need to get done each day . It means you might not find me on Facebook as often as in the past . If you instant message me on yahoo , I might not be sitting at the computer . This is going to test my self - discipline but I 've tested it before with good success . This is not a fad . It is eating healthier and wiser . It is knowing what sets off my sugars . It is monitoring myself . It is about smaller meals more frequently . I am someone who often skips meals which is not good for me and causes spikes or lows in my sugar levels . I skipped Y so am going back to it . Y is for yarn because I spend hours and hours making baby layettes . I have four to complete at the moment . I can hardly keep up . But I love making them so I keep on . Y is also for yarn as in I 'm going to spin a yarn or tell tale . It 's what I do for a living . I write mysteries so each one of them is yarn . The tales I create around my characters and the mysteries they are embroiled in is the other passion in my life . Zoom that is how April has passed . I took on the A - Z Challenge to force myself to write and I thought it might be fun . I 've found new friends and new blogs to follow . It hardly seems like we 've gotten started and we 're done . I have enjoyed reading the blogs . I 've learned things I didn 't know . I 've gained ideas on how to do this next year . Or I might stick with writing off the cuff . Xenia is not the name of a futuristic character . It has to do with botony . It is the effect or influence of the pollen on structures other than the embryo , like the seeds or the fruits . I didn 't want anyone to confuse it with Zinnia which is a flower . I am filled with wonder this morning . I checked my e - mail to find a link to my latest interview . I wonder sometimes as I 'm giving them if I make sense . When I see them , I am full of wonder at how well they have gone . This is the link : http : / / wp . me / p18Ztn - 2w0 I was thrilled that Morgen Bailey could fit me in . She interviews a different author every day . I happened to be number 351 . I looked over the list and saw many of my writing friends there . I feel honored to be included with them . There have been several ventures in my life . The one that has been the most rewarding has been writing . I did a stink with silk flower arrangements for weddings . While it was fun it was not real fulfilling . I also sold Party Lite candles for several years . I just couldn 't seem to make it work for me . It was fun , but left me wanting . Teaching was my career and I loved it . I loved the challenges and the children . I would not have been able to do it if I didn 't . The one mainstay in my life has been writing . I turn to it when I have issues I don 't know how else to deal with . It 's a great outlet for emotions . I can vent on paper and then shred it . No one gets hurt and I don 't have any bottled up anger or frustration . I have learned to use that emotion to create those feelings in my characters . It gives them flaws and makes them more believable . Now I am venturing into new territory . I am writing a series , something I 've never tried . Also I 've chosen to write in first person . I have taken on writing articles and am going to be co - authoring a mystery . . . that could also possibly become a series . I ventured into the South Carolina low - country and found that I truly love it there . So I am working to sell my house so I can relocate there . I foresee different locations for future novels and short stories . I read all the books on how to write a query letter . I practiced . I sent out queries . I found I was getting no response . Not even a rejection . I got nothing . So I decided that since I am different my query had to be different and unique . I had my main character in my novel write the query to a small publisher . She introduced the problem . Then she introduced me . Finally she sent the editor my first 5 , 000 words . Would you believe I had a contract within a week ? ? ? Yep . My book was published about six months later . We are working on a book launch party and book signings too . Tenacity is something every writer needs . People who are successful have tenacity . They hang on to their belief in themselves and their abilities . I know I have this trait . I was twelve when I set upon my journey of being a writer . It took me twelve years to put together enough poetry to create a book . Only a Start was a labor of love and a journey that began with my early writing . I only had fifty copies and most of them were given away . It took nudging from friends , family , and colleagues to actually republish the book and when I did I added a second section of my writing and retitled the book Only a Start and Beyond . It 's a good book if you want to look at my growth as a writer . I stuck with it . I read every book I could find on writing . I even self - published four more books before finally finding a small publishing house that wanted to take me on . It 's that dig inside and hang on ability that keeps me striving to make my work better and better . I am sad that my visit with my niece and nephew was cut short due to a mouth infection I have . Ugh . I am sad that I will get home to my house and for the second year in a row I will have no water . I am saddened that for some reason my water pump turned on and ran for an entire month with no one at the house causing an astronomical light bill . I am sad that I could not make it farther than Morgantown , WV today . Rain and fog had me getting off to stay here . I had hoped to at least make Wheeling , WV by the time I stopped . Rotten luck seems to be following me home . Ugh . I have an unexplained pain in my upper right jaw . So bad , that it makes me cry . The right side of my face is swollen . Eating is not fun . I am still brushing but have backed off the flossing . Are you a writer ? What kind ? The kind who puts out an ebook every month ? The kind who slaps together a novel in six months ? Think about what you are writing . Is it quality work ? Self - published authors are flooding the market . Yeah ! ! ! Go Indies ! ! ! ! I think it 's great . However I am appalled at the quality of some of the writing out there . I strive to make my work the best it can be . I 've put it through writing workshops to make it better . I get it critiqued and edited to be the best it can be . I continue with each book to try and make my writing better . I have a small publisher who believes in me , but I was self - published first . I have a following which helps . I 'm not where I want to be . I 'm not on the NYT Best Sellers list . That 's my goal . I want to be able to walk into Barnes and Noble and take a photo of my Dad pulling my book off a shelf . Those are attainable goals . Why ? Look for quality . Accept nothing but your personal best . Find reviewers . Not all of them will like what you write . Let them be posted anyway . Take the bad stuff and make it work for you in your next piece . Quality is what you are striving for . If you write quality you will gain following . I don 't care who you are , anything is possible . If you have your heart set on doing something or being something , you can make it happen . It takes work to attain your goals . It is possible . I think every young boy wants to be a professional athlete at some time in his life . Most don 't make it . Some because they are not athletic , some because they don 't believe they can . I always told my students to have a back up plan . I wanted to be a writer from the time I was twelve years old . My parents supported that but , told me I needed a back up plan . So I went with my second option . I studied to be an English teacher . I ended up teaching special education . But I never forgot about my writing . It took longer than I 'd thought but , my first book was totally self - published in 1978 . I typed it , paid to have it bound . There were exactly 50 copies . I gave most of them away . It was 2004 until I published again . It is now 2012 , I have several books under my belt . I am now finally coming into my own as a writer . Now , that I have retired from teaching . Anything is possible . Life is full of options . I 'm retired so every day has different options . I can decided how much I want to work and what I want to work on . When I 'm writing I can choose whether to work on a novel , an article , or just my blog . It 's up to me which publisher I wan to put books with . For some it is up to them whether they choose to self - publish or find an agent or small press to publish . It 's up to me whether or not I am productive . I can choose to do absolutely nothing or be active an energetic . Life is all about options . Which options will you make ? This country was founded on a system of equality , so nobility has not had roots here . We are a country of haves and have nots and in some cases it 's because people have worked hard to make what they have count . The closest this country came to nobility was the Kennedy 's and yet , many of them have proven they are no more noble than your next door neighbor or the panhandler on the corner . In fact , in many ways the panhandler might be more noble . I will be traveling for the next week or so as I meander home to Michigan . I will endeavor to keep up with the A - Z challenge as I am really enjoying it . You all have a blessed Sunday . Mostly because that is what I write . I love a good mystery . One that keeps me guessing all the way to the end . If I have your book figured out in the first 100 pages , I may or may not bother to finish it . It depends on whether or not you 're also telling a good story . When I was teaching reading one of the things I did was read a mystery to my students . Mysteries engage the mind . They make you think . You start wondering who is next , or what will happen next . Sometimes a writer can tell you " who dun it " and do it so that you don 't believe them . That is a talent . I 'm often asked who my favorite author is . My answer is always whomever I 'm reading right now . I 've read Agatha Christi , Sirr Arthur Conan Doyle as well as the big name like Patterson , Deaver , Cornwell , Paretsky , and the list could go on forever . I 've also read John Gilstrap , Lee Childs , and William Kent Krueger names you might not know as well . Along the way I 've read Victoria Holt and Phyllis A . Whitney , Mary Higgins Clark , Mary Jane Clark , and Carol Higgins Clark . Again I could make you a list . So , I probably fell into mysteries by reading them . I look for mysteries in life because life is full of them . Have you picked up a good mystery today ? I had a hard time choosing between learning and leaving . I 'm learning to accept that I have to leave my winter haven and return home . It 's not going to be easy , however , I can come back . It 's what you learn that 's important . I have learned that you have to make an effort wherever you are . Whether you are in school or out in the world . You cannot learn by doing nothing . I 've also learned that learning can take place anywhere . It doesn 't have to be in a classroom . It doesn 't have to be taught by a specific person . It can be learned from research and experience . Lastly learning is something to share . It 's better when you can help someone to learn without them making your mistakes . But knowledge is power and sharing learning is sharing power . I journeyed to the South Carolina low - country in January . I 've been here for four months and am leaving for home on Sunday . I be been met with nothing but kindness from every person I 've encountered . I don 't think people here get angry . Southern hospitality is everything and more than I would have expected . In the first month I met a few people at a church I chose to attend . Over the time I 've spent here these people have become true friends . It hurts to think of leaving them . Not that I don 't have friends at home , I have wonderful friends there , too . In a solitary walk on the beach one day I met this amazing woman . She went through cancer with her husband when they were young . Together they have raised an amazing son . Tanner is a basketball player at Clemson University , but that 's not what makes him amazing . While in high school Tanner started Tanner 's Totes . He fills large plastic totes with items for pre - teens and teens who will have extended hospital stays . The program has grown and is a non - profit . I was so impressed when I went to the website that I have decided with Tanner 's permission to sponsor them . That means I will be giving money to his program with the sales of my books . It won 't be massive amounts of money ( I 'm not making James Patterson bucks ) , but it will be a way to give to those who are in need . I 've met a group of people who thought nothing of giving two weeks of their lives to travel to Costa Rica on a mission trip . There one of my new friends found an autistic child . She had read that if you touch an autistic child you need to completely hug them . Through an interpreter she was able to get permission to do that . She slowly approached the young boy and the interpreter asked if the woman could hug him . The boy not understanding agreed . When she wrapped him in her arms he immediately wrapped his arms around her . No one had been able to touch him since he was a baby . The tearful parents thanked her in every way they knew how , because once again they would be able to touch their own child . He became very calm after she hugged him , something else his parents were amazed at . Just a minute , just hang on , just wait . What does that mean ? We use those expressions all the time . Am I supposed to time you for a minute ? What am I hanging on to ? What am I supposed to wait for ? I think we take language for granted . Is the " just a minute " said in frustration or to gain time to finish whatever you are doing ? Is there a good reason for making the other person wait ? When you say " just hang on " is it because you are trying to save someone ? Is it said in annoyance ? What is the other person supposed to hang onto ? Are they hanging on to a tree limb so as not to fall ? Then there is " just wait " usually said in the early stages of anger or frustration . Just wait until dinner is ready . Just wait until your father gets home . Or just wait until Mom finds out . Sometimes in life you need the right incentive to get things moving . In my case , I have now have it . I 've spent the winter in the South Carolina low - country . I 've fallen in love with the charm of the place . I 've met some wonderful people . I 've been more productive with my writing than I have in a long time . However , it is now time to head home . I don 't want to leave . So , my incentive to be able to make this my permanent home . . . I have it . I will head home via the long way . Put my house up for sale and do everything in my power to get it sold . Hurrah because I have so many exciting things going on with my writing . My hubpages are starting to make some money . I have a new 99 cent Ebook out today . My book that was released in February is starting to sell . I have two book signings coming up in May and June . I am working on the second book in the Macy McVannel series . I have a beautiful daughter who makes me proud of her . Who has gone back to college while working full - time , raising a family , and keeping her marriage alive . Many of us would quit faced with the daily challenges of life . But she has persevered and will graduate in May . I have parents who are still active . And a brother and sister who love me . I have been surrounded by nieces and nephews . As well as my extended family of cousins and friends who have become like family . Then there is my winter haven . I am so grateful that I was able to find it . Nestled on an island on the Atlantic sea coast it has been an extraordinary place where I 've found many friends . Frustration , probably the worst word in the writing world . It is frustrating to me as a writer to have put my best effort into a novel or short story and see it go no where . I learned the hard way about vanity publishers . They cost an arm and a leg , do nothing at all to promote you , and you can only hope that you might make your investment back . I am close but I 'm not there . . . frustrating . Today 's frustration came out of Createspace , the self - publishing baby of Amazon . They told me that for $ 25 I can get expanded distribution into bookstores , libraries , and schools . My royalties on a $ 15 book will be $ 0 . 01 . Yes , that is correct one cent . I 'm saving my $ 25 and they can keep that program . This is the first book that is within four sales of actually paying for itself . As frustrating as all that is , I keep writing . For me writing is a must . I live and breathe writing . I lose sleep over writing . I can talk about writing for as long as you want . I even know something about it . Imagine that . I will not let the frustration stop me . It 's just one more obstacle to overcome . You can have all the dream and determination you want if you put forth no effort they go nowhere . Effort is what it takes to get the job done . Whether it 's writing or something else you have to make an effort . The great American novel will not be written if you don 't pick up a pen , pencil , computer and make an effort to put words on paper . This is a stumbling block for many . They want to do something . They dream of the success they want to have , but they do nothing to get there . I wrote . I still write . I studies writing and wrote some more . I taught writing . I wrote . I self - published . I wrote . I attended conferences . I wrote . I came away energized . I wrote more . I took writing courses . I wrote . I joined an on - line critique group . I rewrote . I still write . That 's effort . I found a small publisher . I have their support . I 'm still writing . I 'm expanding my horizons as a writer . I still attend conferences . I write . Having the determination to follow your dreams is hard . Dreams are what you hope to achieve . But many give up along the way . Life gets in the way of creativity . The dream seems unattainable . There are thousands of reasons for giving up . There are also thousands of reasons for sticking it out . Edgar Allen Poe did not reap millions from his work , however he is high among American writers . That fame never reached him . It may elude most writers . Did it stop him from writing ? No . Will it stop me from writing ? No . I have been writing since the age of twelve . For those of you doing the math that is forty - two years . It is what I do . When my daughter was little , I told her stories , I only wish I 'd recorded or written down . I can tell you I started with poetry . I enjoyed the rhymes . I have evolved into more than just a poet . Now I pen mysteries . I have written on the back of place mats in restaurants . I have some of those but not all of them . Any scrap of paper will do until I can get to my computer or a journal . None of this has been an easy road . It has taken years and years of determination to make my dream come close to coming true . I think I am almost there . Criticism is probably the hardest word to deal with . As a writer , I know I have to be thick skinned . Not everyone is going to like what I write . Some of my best friends look for things they can find wrong even if they like my books and stories . Knowing that it is given in hopes you will use it and make your next piece better is good rationale . My books are like my children . I have worked with the newest one since 2010 . I know my characters , the plot , the twists and turns . I put it through a writing workshop , to help make it better . I 've been compared to Agatha Christi and Patricia Cornwell . To Christi without the pomp and circumstance and to Cornwell without the blood and gore . Those are high honors , however I find I sometimes forget to give my readers enough to make my writing superior . I 'm getting better and I 'm working with people who help me . None of which makes criticism any better to hear . So , when I think of criticism , I think how can I make my next book better . What do I have to do to make my story worth buying ? I 've grown a thicker skin and no longer take it as a person assault on my work . Hopefully you will be able to get there too . B is for believe . Believe in yourself . I was twelve when a teacher told me I had a talent for words and someday he 'd see me in print . That was a long time ago , but I believed . I wrote poetry first . It was a way to express myself when I couldn 't find my voice to do it . It was not deep , it was just me . I took as many writing classes as were offered in high school , with little encouragement from the teachers . I went to college and majored in English , language and literature . I also took the journalism and broadcast writing classes . While the instructors told me I had talent , they could not help me develop it . So , I bought books on writing . I filled hundreds and hundreds of notebooks with my writing . I went on to become a teacher , but not the English teacher I 'd expected to be . I became a special education teacher where I learned more about writing in my Masters classes than any undergrad class had ever taught me . I practiced and practiced . I became better at the craft . I shared my love of writing with my students . I even shared some of my writing with them . It was 2004 before I would see my work actually published . I was self - published , but I was published . From that book of poetry , I have gone on to publish a book for tweens and teens and three mystery novels . My fourth mystery was picked up by a small press . By small I mean fledgling , but someone else thought my writing was worthwhile . For most people today is the first day of April . A day for practical jokes . For me it 's March 32nd and it 's been that way for 36 years . The cruelest joke of all was getting a phone call , telling me that the second most important man in my life had died . That would be my grandfather . Let me tell you about him . Grandpa was born in Newquay , Cornwall , England on June 1 , 1907 . He and his family came to the US by way of Canada in 1921 . There he met and married my grandmother . He was a brick mason and carpenter so his hands were always rough and dry . He was small in stature but it didn 't matter . He played the mouth organ and concertina . . . ( squeeze box ) . He also sang . It 's probably where my love of music comes from . He was also a talented artist . During my childhood he had lots of pets . Yes , the normal dog and lots of tropical fish . But he also had a raccoon , South American fruit squirrel , and an ocelot . I grew up around these animals and his vegetable garden . It was nothing to spend the day with a cup of sugar and a stalk of rhubarb . Grandpa talked about his family still in England , but he became a naturalized citizen of the US . My father is his eldest child . There were three others two girls and another boy . Grandpa loved them all and he loved his grandchildren . He wrote long letters to me when I went to Girl Scout camp . He later two finger typed letters to me when he moved to Florida . I regret that he only saw pictures of my daughter and that she missed knowing him at all . This year seems to be the worst in a long time for missing him . I 'm not sure why . After months of hard work , Rescue Mountain is making it 's debut . It is the product of a James Patterson class I took a year ago . Th . . . After months of hard work , Rescue Mountain is making it 's debut . It is the product of a James Patterson class I took a year ago . Th . . . Retired from teaching after 28 . 5 years . Have opened my own publishing company . Working with four authors . Happily in love with the man of my dreams , volunterring and loving it . Keeping active with yoga and walking . View my complete profile
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I was hoping that BWRT would be of some help with my anxiety levels but could not have imagined just how effective it would be , nor how quickly it would have an effect . I can honestly say that it feels as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders . Not only that , with the self - help strategies I now know , I am much better equipped to deal with difficult situations which will no doubt present themselves in the future . The fact that the therapy is science - based was very appealing , as was the fact that you don 't have to discuss difficult memories unless , or until , you wish to . I would have no hesitation in undergoing the therapy again in the future if I needed to . I can 't thank you enough , Steve Parker , for helping me to overcome what seemed to be a completely insurmountable problem . ' I have always appeared to my friends , family and colleagues as outgoing and confident . Well it appears not this is not always the case . I was recently appointed as Chairperson for a committee . I was used to speaking at meetings as a member , but all of a sudden this was something different ! I had to speak to everybody with some authority . So , I had Focussed session with Jo Cook . Not for hypnotherapy as I have done before , she explained how BWRT ® worked and worked on my confidence problem . She managed to get deep into my mind and clear out somethings that had always been bothering me . Result ! The meeting was a resounding success and I was praised by all for my preparation and control of the meeting . ' Thanks Jo ! Like many ladies , I have struggled for years with weight loss issues . Also like many others , I have found it very hard to sustain any loss I achieved . And I wanted to change . So when I discovered that Jo Cook at Bright Butterfly had a hypnotherapy programme tailored to weight loss I was immediately interested . Drawing on the many skills in her tool box , Jo led me through a programme comprising a combination of hypnosis , NLP , EFT , guided imagery , other techniques and good sound nutritional advice . Jo 's knowledge and understanding is extensive and her ability to encourage is second to none . Over a period of a few weeks , she not only gave me the insights and habits needed to approach weight loss on a long term basis but , perhaps most importantly , she also significantly changed the way my brain thought about food . At last I was on the right track . So when Jo approached me recently to ask if I 'd be willing to trial a new BWRT therapy I jumped at the chance . I was , as it happened , going through a depressive blip which was threatening to disrupt my weight loss plan , so the invitation was very timely . The claim that BWRT could rewire my neural pathways in one short session seemed too good to be true , but I was willing to give it a try . What a therapy ! After the first BWRT session , I no longer craved chocolate or even thought about it . After the second , I had eliminated more unhelpful thoughts . By the end of the sixth session , my whole mindset had changed for the good . Jo gently helped me to identify all the underlying emotional blockages which had prevented me from succeeding in the past and one by one , through BWRT , replaced ingrained negative thought patterns with healthier , positive ones . Most significantly , on the final session , BWRT ® enabled me to finally let go of some long held grief . The result ? I now have the skills and tools to successfully lose weight . The emotional barriers that held me back in the past have been removed . I have confidence , energy , am mentally at ease and my weight is falling steadily . I am h - Pat Our 11 year old daughter suffered an embarrassing incident whilst in assembly at school . She went from being a very outgoing and happy girl to scared and anxious . We had a hard time getting her into school most days . We booked her in to see Keith , who was fantastic with her , made her feel comfortable and at ease . After one session of BWRT ® and a few days back at school everything was better and we had our outgoing , happy daughter back . We really couldn 't recommend Keith highly enough . Thank you so much . I was in a bad way having severe stress with a work related issues . I was in tears most days , not sleeping at night n finding it hard to go into work . I went to see Keith , who with his calming manner helped me to deal with this stress using BWRT ® . I found Keith to be very easy to talk to . I didn 't feel anxious going to see him . He talked me through each stage calmly and clearly . Since my session I no longer have the anxiety I felt and can now deal with work with a clearer mind set , without getting upset . I can highly recommend this type of therapy . No hypnosis is involved and it 's incredible what a difference it has made to my life . I Cannot thank Mary enough for all the help that she has given me . She is an amazing Bwrt practioner as well as a very talented hypnotherapist . The Bwrt sessions that Mary has done with me have been extremely effective in helping me cope better with my Attention Deficit Disorder and associated anxiety . For all of my life I have faced many difficult challenges due to having Attention Deficit Disorder which includes disorganisation , impulsiveness , the inability to focus , procrastination and chronic lateness . I have always had very low self esteem and I often feel like life is just one big hurdle after another . At times I have found juggling my own mental illness as well as being a single mother to a young child to be quite overwhelming . My chronic lateness and disorganisation meant that on most days trying to get my daughter to school on time was a losing battle and no matter how hard I tried to get her there on time we would always be late . This generated a lot of guilt , anxiety and frustration in me and made me feel like I was failing my child . I finally decided that I needed help with this as I felt too overwhelmed to face the situation alone . I can honestly say that contacting Mary at Inner Space therapies is without a doubt one of the best decisions I have ever made . On our first meeting on Skype Mary made me feel so comfortable and relaxed and I found her very easy to talk to . I felt that I was really able to open up about my problems in complete confidence and without the fear of being judged . After having just a few sessions of Bwrt with Mary I could start to see amazing results . I couldn 't believe it when one morning soon after one of our bwrt sessions I woke up full of energy and managed to do all my morning chores before it was even time for my daughter to wake up for school . By the time my daughter was awake I was already up and dressed and ready to go . That morning we made it to the school not only on time but we were the first ones there . That was about three months ago now and we have not been late s - Kitty Hi Alan , Just a quick email to thank you for your help . A few months ago I was really struggling with generalised anxiety ; both my work and social life was suffering . I struggled in meetings and had no confidence in my performance and as a result my performance really suffered . I had a telephone consultation with you , having tried alternative therapies and you suggested BWRT . I had four sessions with you and what can I say . Right from the first session I noticed significant changes . I have recently changed jobs and am performing well , and am even looking at promotion already . My personal relationships have also improved . The therapy has literally changed my life for the better and the speed of these changes has been incredible , the changes were virtually instant . I wanted to make contact with you to thank you for your efforts , I feel I have my life back and I can now reach my true potential . Thank you . I would like to submit the following testimony for the website please : I have a 17 year old daughter who has suffered with anxiety from about the age of 9 . Thanks to a couple of Skype BWRT sessions with Paul Mountford she is now able to deal with situations she used to find difficult without getting anxious and is more positive towards her future now the anxiety no longer has such a huge grip on her . My daughter and I are very grateful to Paul for his help and would recommend him to anyone who has something that 's holding them back in life . Thanks Paul ! I 'd mentioned to Bob Bees about my lifelong fear of spiders , and that it was something I wanted to conquer . We had spoken about hypnotherapy , though I was rather intrigued by what Bob had told me of the relatively new therapy called Brainworking . So I decided to give it a try . What I liked about the session was the seeming simplicity of it all - I liked learning about the science underpinning Brainworking ; it made sense , and seemed incredible at the same time . And what I loved about it was the speed of the new rewired response I had to my previous fear ( which was no longer ) - it was difficult to even imagine the fear that I had held onto for so manyyears ! It really seemed a gentle , yet effective way to get to the ' centre ' of the matter and change it as quickly as flicking a switch . The Universe works in mysterious ways , it sure does . The very next morning after getting up , I put my dressing gown on ready to go downstairs . As I was walking along the landing , I put my hands in my pockets and felt something in the right hand one . It seemed as though I had two lines of thought simultaneously ; one , wondering what was in my pocket and , two , thinking to myself that there was a spider in there . Previously I would have flung the dressing gown off and scarpered quickly , and got my partner to investigate . However on this occasion I actually put my hands back into my pockets and gently pulled out the mysterious object which , as it happens , did turn out to be a black spider - alive and well ! She ( I decided ) plopped to the floor and started walking along the landing . Again , previously , I would have freaked . However I calmly watched as she walked along . I went downstairs to fetch a glass and piece of paper so I could put her outside , though when I got downstairs I was so excited that I told my partner of what I 'd just experienced , and just had to send an email to Bob too . Then I sat with a cup of tea , calmly thinking that I 'd leave the spider to her own devices ( something I wouldn 't have dreamed of pre Brainworking ) . A few other things became notable ; I didn 't even like seeing the word ' spider ' written - it gave me the creeps , whereas now it just seems a friendly word . Also when I 'd decided that this spider was a ' she ' it came about because I thought she was pretty - and never would I have put ' pretty ' and ' spider ' in the same sentence before ! And thirdly , when I 'd described the experience to my partner , I 'd said that she was a medium sized black spider , whereas when I found her again and she was put outside in a glass , I looked at her closely and she was actually quite large . Over the many years of having a spider phobia I 'd often thought about going for some sort of therapy to help me get over it , though then used to imagine that I 'd have to experience some sort of therapy involving having to see , touch , and hold , and the thought of that put me right off so I never got any further . I 'm so pleased therefore , Bob , that you introduced me to Brainworking . I thoroughly recommend it . What a fabulous way to help someone move on - quickly , efficiently , painlessly , effectively , naturally ! " " Hi Laura , since seeing you for BWRT I notice a huge improvement with heights . On balconies , ladders , standing on a stool to change a light , going to the attic , are all now no bother . Some of these would have caused me serious stress & even would have balked at them in the past . The positive thought is now in the front of my mind . . . " " I am pleased to provide you with my testimony to show how pleased and astonished I am with the results I have gained from attending only one session of Brain Work Recursive Therapy ( BWRT ) with Gillian Sinchlair as a client in Bahrain . I suffered from PMS , skin picking problems , and uncomfortable feeling prior to prepare any presentation since ages , and decided to sort it out . So , I saw Gillian who explained the BWRT method she is using currently with her clients and achieving positive results after only one session . She conducted the BWRT method for me during the session , immediately after the session I felt amazingly lighter and happier . I wrote back to Gillian after 6 days of therapy , giving her my feedback as I stopped skin picking , PMS was much smoother this time , and preparing for my next presentations comfortably and enthusiastically . I am completely thrilled and pleased with the outcome and I thank Gillian for helping me out with the issues I had . " " I have been visiting Barbara Shead for the last few months for Brainworking Recursive Therapy for a few problems I have been suffering with , including heights , grief , anxiety and driving fear . BWRT really does work ! I was very sceptical at first as I have had these problems for many years , but after my first session I was amazed my fear of heights had gone . I am more confident driving and I am going to take my first trip abroad on a plane . This has totally changed my way of thinking and my life . Barbara is very professional at her work and I would definitely recommend Barbara . Thank you Barbara ! " " Laura , just to say thank you so much for your intervention which after 20 years of trying I finally let go and learnt to swim . I had severe anxiety and had tried everything to help me . Holidays will be much more fun now ! " - Margaret , Co . Mayo " I found BWRT therapy to be a highly effective technique which helped me to find strength in situations that once would have caused great anxiety . I felt more in touch with myself after this therapy and I love that I can access the techniques at any time . I also loved how quickly this therapy takes to work . You can go from a situation that once caused great pain , to a place of calm so quickly . I really loved the speed at which this therapy works . This therapy has given me tools which I will use indefinitely . Evelyne was a fantastic , supportive person to work with and has helped me immeasurably " . " I am a DJ and music producer . I have been making music for the last 10 years and its my absolute passion . I had been living in Ibiza on and off for 5 years enjoying making and playing music , and now I am based in London full time . About 12 months ago my music production started to suffer when I kept deciding i hated every track I started to work on . I 'd like it on the day I started but then when I listened to it the next day I 'd almost feel ashamed of it and scrap the whole thing . This went on for months . Then it really started to get me down and I considered giving up making music completely . But really this would have meant giving up on my dream , and on doing the one thing that makes me happy ! So I kept trying , but got more and more depressed at my negative feelings towards everything I started to work on . A friend of mine suggested I try BWRT , which I 'd never heard of before . I was willing to give anything a go , and the fact that i 'd been told it wasn 't like long term therapy or anything like that made it more attractive to me , I wanted to make changes quickly . After just 1 session I wasn 't convinced , but then as the next few days went by I just started to gradually notice things were different … . I was liking my work more and more … and more ! Until I realised that I was banging out track after track and sending them off to record labels one after the other without any doubts , over thinking or procrastination , the complete opposite to how things had previously been ! I have since had 4 tracks released on some big record labels and more due to be released later in the year , whilst making more and more tracks that I love ! I am so grateful I heard about BWRT and went to see Laura McDonald , I hope I never go back to the rut I was in before but if i do I will be straight back to see Laura again to sort me out ! " " Renie - I wanted to write and thank you , for well changing my life . I don 't think you will really ever completely understand what you have done for me . I have suffered from a needle phobia all my life and simple blood test would reduce me to panic and tears , I would be sobbing like a child and hyper ventilating just with sheer panic over the thought , even driving to the doctors I would start to cry just knowing what was to come . In 2012 I was diagnosed with Breast cancer the next year would be picc lines chemotherapy blood tests operations and injections , yes ! All I could think about was how many needles and how was I going to cope through the needles the cancer worry was almost secondary . I came to see you as you talked me through a technique which you thought might help I was all ears anything to help me get over this I was a 44 year woman crying like a baby something had to be done ! I understood the theory BUT after all these years I wasn 't convinced words and one session was ever going to be so life changing . After one session with you where we address the needle phobia I said I have a blood test in 2 days , off I went to the hospital no tears on the journey then I had my tissues ready and nothing …………… no tears , no panic ! ! ! ! To be honest after the blood test was done I cried with tears of joy so the tissue did come in handy . Unfortunately the end of last year I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer and yes again , here we go with the picc lines , CT and MRI contrast cannulas , blood tests and I am happy to say I face them all without a tear the stress I went through had all vanished the journey to the hospital no tears , I am still having on going treatment but I can say not a tear has been shed no needle panics nothing . So again I would like to thank you and I truly mean it you have changed my life in such a way I am able to deal with a needle so I am calmer and that 's a huge benefit to me and my medical condition , as they say stress is never good for you . I would say to any one however big - Paula Davies " In November 2015 I experienced a traumatic event which saw me without thought reaching for my old ' crutch ' the cigarette . This was a habit I had broken without looking back , some 7 months previously using hypnotherapy through Dr Sue Learoyd - Smith , Swindon Feelgood Solutions Therapy . This event brought back memories of a similar event which had happened when I was 18 and left me in a highly emotional state , resurfaced old anxiety issues and led to problems with sleeping and eating and saw my old ' crutch spiralling out of control within days . I realised very quickly that I did not want to smoke again and immediatley contacted Dr Learoyd - Smith for help and made an appointment . During that first appointment I somehow managed to explain what had recently happened as well as the past event and raised my concern that my old habit had returned and I felt that it was taking control that I did not want it to have . Dr Learoyd - Smith established that the two events I had were too close in similarity and had triggered past memories which I had not been allowed to discuss leaving me highly emotional and in an over anxious state . She also felt that although she could take me through a ' top up ' session to break the smoking habit , it may not have the outcome I was hoping for due to my anxiety issues . She suggested that we try and tackle this first and explained she wanted to work on the emotions that I had been left with using a Brain Working Recursive Therapy session . I was very receptive to this . If I am truly honest , I felt relaxed going into the session as I believed this was going to help me but I don 't remember much about it apart from that I could hear Dr Learoyd - Smith speaking to me very quickly , loudly and every so often I could hear a loud clap which made me jump . The only thing I could say that on being brought out of the session I felt an instant sense of calm , a weight being removed from me . I felt able to talk about the past events without emotion ( no tears ) and that evening I was able to sleep and eat - L . M . , Swindon " BWRT has changed my life for the better and I have so much confidence in me I can speak to people now without hesitation . Whenever it does decide to creep back my brain is already doing the exercises we trained it to do . Was in a very unhappy Unconfident lifestyle and state of mind , but with this I have became a new person . I Still can 't get over how it worked and made me feel 110 % better , confident and happier . " " Fozia - thank you . I walked into your rooms for the first time with limited confidence , extreme anger , hurt , resentment and above everything guilt . Through the Brain work recursive exercises I felt my body lessen with tension . I remember going back to a particular moment in my past , immediately tears fell , I got an intense headache , my body dropped , through repeating the exercises I have learnt to let that hurt and guilt remain in my past . I have also made peace that my past did happen and it happened for a reason . I accept that those experiences has made me the person I am . I still work on my confidence using the brain work recursive exercises that you have thought me , I am making good progress . Friends and family close to me have commented that I am more confident , I speak my mind more , I am not scared or shy and I have grown . I feel the difference in myself , I am a different person and after all the years I am in a better place and have learnt to leave my past just where it belongs in the past . If I think about my past I no longer hold the anger , guilt , resentment etc . Thanking you once again , you have changed my life . " " I would like to express my sincere gratitude to Claire Gaskin for the help I received whist attending therapy . I had previously attended therapy at a few places , but was always left with a feeling of unfinished business . I am glad to say that this wasn 't the case with Claire . The BWRT structure & Claire 's professionalism put me at ease and will be remembered by myself for many years . If I 'm honest , I was not in a good place prior to this therapy , the future wasn 't something I looked forward to or indeed expected . But with Claire 's understanding and guidance I feel that I do have a future and I can make a difference . BWRT has changed my life ! " " As a doctor , I felt skeptical , even suspicious about the use of complimentary therapies . Unless there was a tablet I could throw at the situation , I wasn 't interested . That is , until , I found myself in the unfortunate ( though enlightening ) position of being the patient , when I was diagnosed with breast cancer . I started seeing Renie Price at my local cancer support centre upon the suggestion of a Macmillan nurse . I was highly anxious and felt very bleak at the time . I had mentioned that I had a particular fear of general anaesthetics and this was making the lead up to my mastectomy even worse . She suggested a session of BWRT in the week before my operation . As i left the session i felt grateful Renie had tried to address the issue , but was not convinced it would help . To my amazement I lay on the operating table 5 days later feeling completely calm ! I am now waxing lyrical to my doctor colleagues about the advantages of this sort of therapy in the holistic treatment of the whole person . I could not have hoped for a better therapist than Renie . She is sensitive , positive , professional and approachable - a calming voice of hope during a very tough time . " " What I liked about working with BWRT is that I did not feel ' stuck in the therapy ' . It is kind of a ' quick fix ' yet with deep work happening . I physiologically felt my brain participating with rich visuals , imageries and sensations during the sessions . I felt much more confident and I 'm looking forward to putting into practice my new knowledge . " " I asked Sue Learoyd - Smith for help with secondary gain . I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013 and the only way I can describe ' coming through the other end ' is ending up like a shipwreck . Parts were battered and bruised hanging off and barely functioning . I work for a corporate firm who had been exceptional with me during treatment but felt they were finding it frustrating when it was all ' finished ' and I was not up to par as I once was , and possibly in their opinion , I should be . Because I was ' protected ' under the disability act I knew I wouldn 't be sacked for whatever obscure reason in my thoughts , but this also hindered my recovery to leave this horrid part of my life behind and move forward purely because my confidence was knocked sideways inside out upside down - it was all I ever thought about . As a new therapist I knew this couldn 't go on . Sue was fantastic , she made sense of my jumbled thoughts and after just one session I felt a complete shift in attitude especially towards work . The fire in my belly returned to do something new but more importantly really look forward to the future . I really enjoyed our sessions - I had 4 sessions of BWRT in total the last to mop up any wayward thoughts . Every day it got easier and easier until a couple of weeks after my therapy ended I suddenly realised during a health review that I 'd not thought about cancer , I hadn 't even given work a thought especially the usual ' what I was capable of and I should / shouldn 't be able to do ' . Not one iota thought - simply WOW ! " - Lisa Cope " I had never had BWRT before but visited Sue of SFS Therapy to help me resolve some issues related to my weight and help me on my weight loss journey . I found Sue totally professional and she explained how BWRT works in a clear and easy to understand way . I also liked the fact that I didn 't have to try and verbalise my innermost thoughts but could still benefit from the process . I was really impressed with how quickly it worked and found it very effective and still do . I would definitely have BWRT again and recommend both SFS Therapy and BWRT to friends who were in need of help . " " My story is that January 2013 I had a breakdown . I had lost the passion for work , friends my wife and children and above all life itself . I had not been right for a long time but thought it was the norm for people to feel like this in life and I should just get on with my life . I learnt to mask my mood swings with alcohol and the started smoking heavily . My emotions bounced between very angry and over the top happy . Then it took another level in January 2013 I had , had enough . I was very tired and lost grip of who and what I was . I drank myself to a point that I became convinced this was the right thing to do . I attempted to take my life . My wife intervened and she showed her grit and determination to save the man she knew and loved . " I am not giving up on you " , " I want my old husband back " and " I will try dying to get him back " . That week a doctor 's appointment had been made and I was told that was suffering with major depression and that I had a breakdown . I was in denial , I don 't believe in depression " it 's a western manmade disease " . This is what I told everyone , but the doctor explained in great detail no Depression is very real and I had it . The next few weeks and months were spent in the care of my doctor medications were prescribed , changed and dosage changed . The medication did help but at a cost , my sleep pattern was out of sync , I was tired and lethargic . When I spoke I sometimes got my words muddled up , I couldn 't read and withhold the information . I just wanted to lay in bed not sleep just lay in bed . Then came the psychiatrist appointed having told my life story to my GP it was time for me to talk to him , to be fair he was good , but he just listened and empathised with me . He explained what I had gone through in my life nobody should have had to . I had a few more appointments and we talked and talked and then I was referred to see a psychotherapist , this took six months and between these times I had relapse several times the dosage of the medication I was prescribed had gone u - Asif Hanif AHMED " This is not like any other therapy I have tried . I found Debbie Clover 's explanation of how BWRT works really fascinating . It all sounds so simple . I can 't believe more people are not having this type of therapy . I really think this is the way forward as it is amazing how quick it works and the fact that you do not have to share your private thoughts will surely benefit lots of people with problems that they find difficult to discuss . I advise anyone to give this innovative fresh method of therapy a go . "
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The Reader by Bernard SchlinkPublished July 1997 by Knopf DoubledayPublishing GroupSource : my paperbook and audio copy were both purchasedNarrated by Campbell ScottPublisher 's Summary : Fifteen - year - old Michael Berg becomes ill on the way home from school . A woman takes care of him . Later , the boy arrives at her home with a bunch of flowers to thank her . And then comes back again . Hanna is the first woman he has ever desired . But there is something slightly off - key about her . His questions about her family and her life go unanswered . One day Hanna simply disappears . Michael 's life goes on , but he can 't forget her . Years later , as a law student observing a trial in Germany , Michael is shocked to realize that the person in the dock is Hanna . The woman he had loved so passionately is a criminal . Much about her behavior during the trial makes no sense . But then , suddenly and terribly , it does - Hanna is not only obliged to answer for a horrible crime , she is also desperately concealing an even deeper secret . As the past erupts into the present - both Michael 's past with Hanna , and the past of Germany itself - Michael must accept that he will never be free of either of them . My Thoughts : This book , despite its being little more than 200 pages , has sat on my bookshelf for years , scaring me off because I was certain it would be too heavy . Finally , I picked it up on audio at the library book sale and its length was just the selling ticket when I finally listened to it . Just 218 pages - there is more packed into this book than there is in many books four times its size and yet it is not intimidating in the least . It is abundantly clear why a 15 - year - old boy would fall in love with a woman twice his age and equally as clear why she would allow him to do that . It is really only later , as Michael thinks back on his affair with Hanna that both he and the reader think of the relationship as completely inappropriate and Hanna 's actions as , perhaps , criminal . It 's only through the lens of her wartime activities , her criminal acPosted by The Ten - Year Nap by Meg WolitzerPublished March 2008 by Penguin GroupSource : this one was all minePublisher 's Summary : For a group of four New York friends the past decade has been defined largely by marriage and motherhood , but it wasn 't always that way . Growing up , they had been told that their generation would be different . And for a while this was true . They went to good colleges and began high - powered careers . But after marriage and babies , for a variety of reasons , they decided to stay home , temporarily , to raise their children . Now , ten years later , they are still at home , unsure how they came to inhabit lives so different from the ones they expected - until a new series of events begins to change the landscape of their lives yet again , in ways they couldn 't have predicted . My Thoughts : Okay , okay , I know she 's something of a media darling but listening to this book almost made me want to take a ten - year nap . That is all . What ? You want to know why ? For one thing , I always take exception to authors who want to " bad mouth " women who choose to stay home to raise their children . Because I did . I never gave up a high - powered job ; I didn 't fall off the fast track in choosing to stay home . But it did hurt my job prospects when I tried to get back in the work force after almost ten years away from it . Sure , there were times when I got tired of cutting other people 's food , picking up toys twenty - four seven , and hearing the word " mom . " And , oh , how I craved adult conversation ! But I don 't ever regret my decision . I know , in my heart , that it is one of the reasons my three are so close now and why they are so close to me . So when Wolitzer wants to make it seem like every woman who ever made the choice ( or had that choice made for her ) , regrets it to at least some extent , my hackles get raised . What 's more , I think it only serves to make the divide between working moms and " stay - at - home " moms wider . The publisher called Wolitzer 's writing " wickedly observant " and " knowing . " Me , not so much . Although all of her charactePosted by All of my non - bloggers won 't entirely get this and non - readers certainly wouldn 't , but one of the things book bloggers most look forward to is the now twice annual Dewey 's 24 - Hour Readathon , a 24 - hour period where readers from all over the world sit down to read " together . " There are fun activities to participate in , cheerleaders , and prizes . Readers amass piles of books to choose from and put together an eating plan the likes of which we are unlikely to consider eating in any other 24 - hour period . This weekend more than 1700 readers joined in the fun . And I managed to eek out a mere 7 hours , interrupted by the wedding of a daughter of dear friends of ours . Of course , I would never have considered missing the wedding but there better not be anything that comes between me and the fall event ! On the plus side , I didn 't come close to eating all of those goodies so I have them to look forward to for some time to come . And I did finish two books , including one that was on my TBR Challenge list , so that was good . This Week I 'm : Listening To : As far as audio books , I finished The Reader and started Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close which I will " read " ( as you may notice from the sidebar ) as a read and listen combination . Today I 've been listening to classical cello pieces , as referenced in The Silver Swan . Watching : The Bruce Jenner interview with Diane Sawyer . I thought ABC did a terrific job of dealing with the subject of being transgender and thought it was incredibly brave of Jenner to tell his story . Reading : Today I 'll finish Hearts West which I started yesterday but just couldn 't stay focused on . My mom reviewed this one for me in 2009 and I 've been meaning to read it since then . Some interesting correlations between the advertising for marriage partners in the late 19th century and present day Internet dating sites . Making : Must not have been a very exciting week in the kitchen - the only thing I really remember making is rice pudding . Which I made as if five people still live in my house . Planning : With nothing on tPosted by Good morning , all ! I 'm so excited that it 's time , again , for an excuse to sit all day and read . Well , not so much all day , for me , because I have a wedding smack dab in the middle of the whole thing that will takes hours out of my reading time and , more than likely , leave me coming home ready for bed . It would be wrong for me to come down with a migraine just as it was time to leave , wouldn 't it ? Yeah , you 're probably right . I always feel like I start off slow on the readathon , most of the time only just waking up when it 's time to start reading . This morning , though , I actually woke up before my alarm was set to go off - my brain clearly wanted to maximize the time I have for reading today ! And now for the opening meme ! 1 ) What fine part of the world are you reading from today ? Coming to you from rainy Omaha , Nebraska , USA ( how I love that it is necessary to add that last bit , with readers joining in world wide ! ) 2 ) Which book in your stack are you most looking forward to ? Silver Bay by Jojo Moyes3 ) Which snack are you most looking forward to ? Biscoff - although I 've never tried it . I blame Jen ( Relentless Reader ) and peer pressure . 4 ) Tell us a little something about yourself ! I 've been an empty - nester for all of , what , three weeks after raising three kids and I 'm still adjusting to that . I read , I garden , I cook and bake . I try to keep my husband in line . And I 'm counting down the days until ( American ) football starts again . 5 ) If you participated in the last read - a - thon , what 's one thing you 'll do different today ? If this is your first read - a - thon , what are you most looking forward to ? I can 't remember how many of these I 've done now but every time I tweak things a little . This time I got up earlier so I can take better advantage of the early quiet time . If I don 't drink too much wine at the wedding reception , I 'll take just a nap when I get home then get started again so I can read through the night . I 've never done naps before and I find there 's no way I can get through a full 24 hours without it . BOOKS READ : Posted by Fairy Tale Fridays Hey , will you look at that ? Two weeks in a row ! Although I still haven 't picked up any of my fairy tale books recently . Maybe for the few hours I 'll find to read tomorrow ? Anyhoosie . . . some news on the fairy tale movie front : Disney is in talks with Vince Gilligan ( yes , Breaking Bad Vince Gilligan if you can imagine ) for a revisionist telling of the Jack In The Beanstalk tale . He 's written a treatment ; the actually writing will be done by one of Breaking Bad 's writers . So , yeah , I 'm pretty sure this won 't be your childhood Jack . Although it is Disney and we all know how they like to soften things up . Live - action MulanNot entirely a fairy tale related Disney movie piece of news but did you know that Disney is also in the midst of filming a live action adaptation of " Mulan ? " The things you learn from your blogging friends ! At my house it was , surprisingly , my boys who loved the animated version ; they still watch it and we even gave it to Mini - me for Christmas . I 'll let them be the judges of the new version when it comes out . Also in the works , also by Disney , is a live action adaptation of " Beauty and the Beast . " Now that 's one I 'm really looking forward to ! Emma Watson , of " Harry Potter " fame , will star as Belle and " Downtown Abbey " fans will be interested to see Dan Stevens ( Matthew Crawley ) as the Beast . The rest of the cast is killer : Emma Thompson , Stanley Tucci , Ewan McGregor , Kevin Kline , Ian McKellan and Audra McDonald . No release date yet for this one . Looks like Disney is really banking on these live - action adaptations - one wonders what will happen if they don 't succeed ? When my children were born , there were a lot of things I wanted for them and much I could imagine them doing when they grew up . Strangely enough , for someone who loves to read as much as I do , I never dreamed that any of them would grow up to be writers . I 'm still not sure that will happen , but for Mini - me , a door has been opened . Mini - me has had an interest in writing for some time . As he scheduled classes in college , he found himself drawn more and more to the writing classes ( when he graduates , he 'll have a minor in English ) . Last semester he took a poetry class . And loved it . And earned high praise from his professor . So , of course , he took another class this semester . Last night he was among only four students from two universities invited to be part of a Writer 's Workshop reading . The event is held once a year and one of Mini - me 's professors told me that spots are generally reserved for students with more experience under their belts . In much the same way that I never knew the kid could sing ( he never sang around the house but fronted a band for a few months ) , I had no idea he had that kind of talent . We were so proud that he was selected and so impressed with his work . He pours a lot of thought and emotion into his work and it really was stuff I could see getting published . How giddy would that make a mom ? ! Oh , also , Mini - me had the biggest cheering section including his parents , his brother , his aunt and several of his friends . Because he 's just that cool , as you can tell by the beard , the glasses , and the paisley shirt ! Look , Ma - pink ! If you know me at all , you know that I am most decidedly not a pink girl . But the blooms on the crabapple tree in my front yard have the most beautiful pink to them so it seemed natural to use pink lettering on a picture of it . This is one of the few times of year that I actually like that tree - it is beautiful right now but just finished dropping its berries from last year all over my driveway and front sidewalk , effectively dying both as feet and tires crushed them . Spring will make a girl forgive a lot of things . Like winter . This Week I 'm : Listening To : The Reader by Bernard Schink after finally finishing The Ten - Year Nap . Truth be told , I finally started skipping whole tracks because I was hell bent to finish it but what a yawner . On Pandora , I 've been listening to the Cat Steven 's station . Lots of James Taylor , Beatles , Simon and Garfunkel , and Elton John - the music of my early teens . Watching : Movies - Miss H and I had movie night Friday night and watched Trouble With The Curve and 10 Things I Hate About You ; last night was a Sandra Bullock double header with Two Weeks Notice and The Proposal . Sundays are all about PBS right now with Selfridge and Wolf Hall . Have you caught Wolf Hall ? I have yet to read the book but this adaptation is really quite good and Mark Rylant , who plays Thomas Cromwell , is superb . Reading : I finished Last Night at the Blue Angel this week . Loved it ; I hope the TLC book tour I was a part of will help get this wonderful book more attention . Also , finishing up I Know This Much Is True for book club . We made it a two month read and it had been three weeks since I had picked it up before I started it again last week . It wasn 't hard for me to recall the book but harder for me to get back into the feel of it . I was getting a bit bored with it but it has picked up again for me and I 'm looking forward to finishing it . Making : Chicken nachos , bacon avocado burgers , chicken tex - mex salad , fried potatoes - the Big Guy was out of town for a couple of nights so Miss H and Mini - him Posted by You may have noticed that the post title is simply " Fairy Tale Friday " rather than " Fairy Tale Fridays . " You may also have noticed that there haven 't been very many fairy tales on Fridays again this year . Hence , I hesitate to insinuate in the title that there may be more coming . Although I hope there will be . If I can only make myself reach the point where I am making fewer commitments and freeing up more time to free range read . Remember this beloved Disney animated adaptation of a fairy tale classic ? Me either . That 's not entirely true ; I do remember parts and my kids did have it growing up . But for some reason , Pinocchio was never a favorite of theirs or mine . Some one must have enjoyed it immensely ( or Disney just can 't be bothered to come up with adaptations of previously unmined fairy tales ) , because things are in the works at the Disney studios for a live - action adaptation . Another one . What 's that you say ? You don 't remember Disney having previously tried and failed with this one ? Then you were lucky enough to have missed the 2000 made - for - tv adaptation starring Drew Carrey and Julia Louis - Dreyfus , Geppetto . A musical . Stephen Schwartz actually wrote the music but wrote it with a rematching of Mary Poppins stars Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke in mind . Andrews was having throat surgery at the time and was unable to do it but how you went from that cast to were they ended up I can 't imagine . Yeah , that 's not at all scaryThe script is in the works and said to be a " loose adaptation . " That probably goes without saying since it 's unlikely that Disney would stick to the original story . Wouldn 't want to scar the children . Although mine often watch the movies of their childhood and figure if Disney had gone as far as it did ( I 'm looking at you Skeleton Ursula ! ) , they might as well have gone all in . Although , in the case of The Little Mermaid , it 's probably best they didn 't . On a much more serious note , Kristin of Tales of Faerie , has a thought - provoking post , Mother 's Who Kill Their Children , about a book by the samPosted by You all know how much I enjoy Jojo Moyes ' books so it won 't surprise you to know how eager I was when offered the chance to put a copy of her latest , One Plus One into one of someones hands . One Plus One just came out in paperback the end of last month and Penguin Books is offering one of my readers the opportunity to read this wonderful book . To enter , just leave a comment with your email address . For an extra entry , leave me the name of your favorite book from 2014 . I 'll draw the winner on Sunday . Suppose your life sucks - a lot . Your husband has done a vanishing act , your teenage stepson is being bullied , and your math whiz daughter has a once - in - a - lifetime opportunity that you can 't afford to pay for . If you 're Jess Thomas , you do what you always do - make it work . Jess and her family ( including their giant , smelly dog Norman ) begin their doomed - from - the - start adventure stranded on the side of the road next to a dilapidated Rolls Royce - sans license , sans insurance - having just been pulled over by the police for a missing headlight . And the unexpected knight in shining armor who rescues them ? Geeky Ed , the obnoxious tech millionaire whose vacation home Jess happens to clean . With big problems of his own , Ed , in perhaps his first ever unselfish act , offers to drive Jess and her dysfunctional brood to the Maths Olympiad and a prize that could turn everything around for Jess 's family . This unlikely cast of characters is easy to fall for : Nicky , Jess 's stepson , wears mascara , doesn 't fit in at school , but is fiercely protective of Tanzie , Jess 's precocious math prodigy daughter ; Jess and Ed are the kind of opposites you love to watch attract ; and pungent Norman , the immovable mascot of the back seat , is the best guard dog you 'll ever find drooling on your shoulder . " Bridget Jones meets Little Miss Sunshine in this witty British romp from bestseller Moyes … Wryly romantic and surprisingly suspenseful . " - People " ONE PLUS ONE adds up to a delightful summer read … Moyes is masterful at creatingLisa Last Night At The Blue Angel by Rebecca RotertPublished July 2014 by HarperCollins ; paperback release April 2015 by William Morrow PaperbacksSource : I bought my copy at the Omaha Lit Fest and had it autographed ! Publisher 's Summary : It is the early 1960s , and Chicago is teeming with the tensions of the day - segregation , sexual experimentation , the Cold War , and Vietnam - but it is also home to some of the country 's most influential jazz . Naomi Hill , a singer at the Blue Angel club , has been poised on the brink of stardom for nearly ten years . But when her big break , the cover of Look magazine , finally arrives , it carries with it an enormous personal cost . Sensual and magnetic , Naomi is a fiercely ambitious yet self - destructive woman whose charms tend to hurt those around her , and no one knows this better than her daughter , Sophia . As the only child of a single mother growing up in an adult world , Sophia is wise beyond her years , a casualty of her mother 's desperate struggle for fame and adoration . Her only constant is the colorful and unconventional family that surrounds them , particularly the photographer Jim who is Sophia 's best friend , surrogate father , and protector - but Jim is also deeply in love with Naomi . My Thoughts : " Mother is a singer . I live in her dark margins . " Do you remember the scene from the movie " Jerry Maguire " when Renee Zellweger 's character says to Tom Cruise 's character " You had me at hello ? " That 's the way I felt when I read those first two sentences of Chapter 1 . Rotert 's debut is beautifully written , filled with characters who will stay with me for a long time . Told through a dual narrative , Rotert uses Sophia 's voice to tell the story of their life in early 1960 's Chicago while Naomi 's past is seen through her own eyes . It goes a long way to helping readers understand Naomi , not to look at her as an abusive parent , a woman who raises her daughter in a run - down apartment building , keeps her up late into the night , brings strangers home to spend the night and who is utterly absorbed in herselPosted by Let 's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson ( The Bloggess ) Published 2012 by G . P . Putnam 's SonsSource : bought this at my local library salePublisher 's Summary : When Jenny Lawson was little , all she ever wanted was to fit in . That dream was cut short by her fantastically unbalanced father and a morbidly eccentric childhood . It did , however , open up an opportunity for Lawson to find the humor in the strange shame - spiral that is her life , and we are all the better for it . In the irreverent Let 's Pretend This Never Happened , Lawson 's long - suffering husband and sweet daughter help her uncover the surprising discovery that the most terribly human moments - the ones we want to pretend never happened - are the very same moments that make us the people we are today . For every intellectual misfit who thought they were the only ones to think the things that Lawson dares to say out loud , this is a poignant and hysterical look at the dark , disturbing , yet wonderful moments of our lives . My Thoughts : Having just read back - to - back Faulkners and being in the middle of I Know This Much Is True for book club , I knew I needed something light to break things up . Oh my lordy , was this book ever the " right book at the right time ! " Let 's Pretend This Never Happened is , literally , laugh out loud funny . And read whole passages to your spouse funny . Luckily for my spouse , it was humor that was right up his alley and he ( mostly ) always at least chuckled when I read passages to him . He did point out , Mom , that this is not a book for you . Too much talking about vaginas , he said . I agree but I think my mom would mostly not enjoy it because there is a generous use of the " F " word . So , if you have a problem with either of those things in a book , you 've been warned . Also , if you 're not a fan of taxidermy . There 's a lot of that , too . To say that Lawson 's childhood was unconventional would be a massive understatement . Thanks largely to her father , though , her childhood was hysterical to read about . Because her father was prone to bring home inPosted by My windshield Thursdaywhen I left workIt 's definitely April in Nebraska - there was more than a half inch of heavy , wet snow on my car when I left work Thursday and by Saturday shorts and short - sleeves were the order of the day . It 's been a quiet week here with nothing more than a trip to the vet ( cat now has to have antibiotics shoved down her throat daily - that 's fun ) and a one a . m . call from a sick kid ( grabbed my shoes and purse and ran to bring her home ) . You 'd think that would mean I got a lot read during the week , but you 'd be wrong . Malaise struck me down . Four days of grey skies and drizzle will do that to a girl . I spent yesterday being lazy productive . No such thing , you say ? I beg to differ . I hardly left my desk but wrote three posts , finalized taxes , cleaned out my desk , and made a huge dent in my blog reader . It was just the day I needed ! This Week I 'm : Listening To : Sia - after watching her video for " Big Girls Cry , " featuring 12 - year - old dancer Maddie Ziegler , I decided to check out some of her older stuff and have a relisten to her latest , 1000 Forms of Fear . On YouTube there 's a great piano version of " Chandelier " which I 'm loving . Watching : " The Real Housewives of New York " are back ! I 'd call the Real Housewives series ' my guilty pleasure but I don 't feel guilty at all about watching the shows . Reading : I finished Let 's Pretend This Never Happened and , lordy , did that book make me laugh ! My review will post Tuesday . Let 's just say , it 's possible I will keep this one to reread . Then yesterday I started reading Rebecca Rotert 's Last Night At The Blue Angel for an upcoming review and I 'm so impressed with the writing in it . It 's gonna be hard for me not to do nothing but read until it 's finished . Making : Bacon avocado burgers , spaghetti pie , pork chops and wild rice , chicken and stuffing . We 're still working on how to cook for two so one meal 's been lasting a couple of days ; at least we don 't have to cook as much ! Planning : Do you remember all of those things I was planning to get done last week ? Still Posted by Love having readers in my family , especially when they email me about interesting things in the book world and even more when they can connect a personal story to it . My uncle sent me a link to an article in The New Yorker about poet Jorie Graham 's new book called From The New World : Poems 1976 - 2014 . Graham has won every major literary award , including the Pulitzer Prize . Y ' all know that I have difficult relationship with poetry , never quite sure I 'm " getting " it . Frankly , the article itself is a bit esoteric . But . . . it does make me curious about Graham 's work and I 'd wager to say I 'll be looking to pick up one of her collections . When my aunt and uncle moved to Iowa , many years ago , Jorie Graham was on the faculty of the University of Iowa . One evening when they were out to eat in Iowa City , they watched Graham holding court with a table of admirers . My uncle says the lady definitely has a presence and held their attention as well . Sounds like Jorie Graham might have been the Dorothy Parker of Iowa City in her time there ! I 've been shopping NetGalley this week . It 's a very dangerous thing to do ! I 've added a few titles to my reader but really tried to use restraint . As I was browsing , though , I got to thinking about the saying " you can 't judge a book by its cover . " I like to believe that but as I looked through those books , I realized it 's not entirely true . And publishers are quite eager for us to judge their books by the covers . Why else would they go to so much bother with the cover ? The covers are meant to give prospective readers an idea of what the book is about , after all . A couple embracing ? Probably a romance . A skull or dripping blood ? Probably a thriller . An anime image ? Graphic novel . The problem , of course , is that if we entirely dismiss books with covers from genres we don 't normally read , we miss some great books . I 'm forever grateful that I was convinced to read Persepolis , a book I would never have picked off a shelf . I 've long been meaning to read Beryl Markham 's West With The Night so I was excitedPosted by Sue Monk Kidd 's The Invention of Wings is coming out in paperback on May 5 and the publisher , Penguin , would like to offer you the chance to win a copy ! To enter the drawing , just leave a comment below letting me know either which book made for the best discussion your book club ever had or which book you would recommend for book clubs . I 'll announce the winner on Monday , April 13th . The Omaha Bookworms read this one last year and can vouch for it making an excellent book club selection and now Penguin has put together an online book club kit to help other book clubs get the most out of their discussion . It 's a really great kit , with a lot of interesting information about the book even if you 're not reading it as part of a book club . Also , check out this clip from the audiobook : Posted by Happy Easter ! Wanna know what happens when your daughter dumps a glasss of water on your keyboard ? You end up typing up your post on your iPad . Which does not want like to play well with Blogger , at least not when it comes to loading images . Hence , no images today . [ Thanks to new keyboard , this can now be corrected ! ] Looks like Miss H will be buying me a new keyboard ! THIS WEEK I ' VE BEEN : LISTENING TO : Meg Wolitzer 's The Ten - Year Nap . On the fourth disc and I 'm not sure where this one is going . So far we 're just meeting several women , learning that not many of them seem terribly thrilled about the lives they 've chosen . I have a feeling Wolitzer is going to raise my ire eventually ; the title seems to imply that the lead character 's time as a stay - at - home mom has been largely a waste of time and talent . As a former SAH mom , I 'm always sensitive about this issue . READING : I did it ! I finished two Faulkners in a row ! Great as they were , I can hardly express how nice it is to be reading something that makes me laugh . Let 's Pretend This Never Happened is literally making me LOL . The Big Guy is reading Jim Gaffigan 's Food and finding it equally as amusing . We are often interrupting each other 's reading to read aloud particularly amusing stories . WATCHING : NCAA men 's basketball , Fixer Upper on HGTV , and Ken Burn 's " Cancer : The Emperor of All Maladies " on PBS . It was heartbreaking , horrifying , and uplifting all at once . I am so ready to read the book ! GRATEFUL FOR : Family time ! My cousin and her husband stopped through for brunch while on a trip , some of BG 's family came for dinner last night , and today we had Easter at my sister 's . FEELING : Like there are not enough days in the weekend . I need time to see people and still get things accomplished ! MAKING : Peach custard pie , lemon bites , hamburger and onion pizza , egg casserole , cherry steel - cut oats , garlic chicken Parmesan , chef 's salad . It 's been a good week in the kitchen . ENJOYING : Girl time with Miss H - lunch , shopping , gossip and laughs . I am blessed to have a daughter I sPosted by Light In August by William FaulknerPublished originally in 1932Source : one of us bought this in college , it 's clearly a college edition but neither of us recalls reading it . . . is it even remotely possible that whoever was supposed to have read this managed to b . s . their way through it ? Goodreads Summary : Light in August , a novel about hopeful perseverance in the face of mortality , features some of Faulkner 's most memorable characters : guileless , dauntless Lena Grove , in search of the father of her unborn child ; Reverend Gail Hightower , who is plagued by visions of Confederate horsemen ; and Joe Christmas , a desperate , enigmatic drifter consumed by his mixed ancestry . My Thoughts : I long ago decided to stop struggling with writing summaries for my reviews ; it took much too long for something I was almost certain that most of you wouldn 't read . But then I read a classic and there is no publisher 's summary to copy and paste and the other summaries available are too long and I 'm left casting about for something simple . So I grabbed this from Goodreads and it tells almost nothing . It doesn 't mention the story 's setting , a small town in 1920 's Mississippi , or Byron Bunch , who plays key roles in each of the other characters ' lives . There is so much more to the story than that one sentence ( although , given the length of Faulkner 's sentences , it is kind of perfect in that regard ) . " The have thundered past now and crashed silently on into the dusk ; night has fully come . Yet he still sits at the study window , the room still dark behind him . The street lamp at the corner flickers and glares , so that the bitten shadows of the unwinded maples seem to toss faintly upon the August darkness . From a distance , quite faint though quite clear , he can hear the sonorous waves of massed abject and proud , swelling and falling in the quiet summer darkness like a harmonic tide . " This is the book I was meant to read with my friend , Lori , when I accidentally picked up As I Lay Dying . I could have decided I wasn 't meant to read it . I could have chPosted by
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I have a 9 month old daughter who will be turning one in August . I really want to throw her a huge first birthday party , but not one of those " everyone sit around and stare at the baby " 1st birthday parties . Instead I want throw a barbecue for all of our friends and family where copious amounts of burgers , hot dogs , cornhole , and beer will be the main stars of the show . Of course we 'd have a few other babies in attendance , do a little cake for my daughter , and put up some cute decorations . My husband thinks we should do something tiny with just grandparents . I 'm not against that for future years but let 's face it … . 1st birthdays are really for the parents and I think this is a great excuse to get all our friends together and have a blast ( and celebrate that we made it through the first year despite quite a few unexpected medical issues with our daughter ) . The problem is , how do we specify that if people want to bring a gift for my daughter they can , but there 's absolutely no obligation to since this will be more of an adult bash anyway ? 0529 - 14 You invite your guests to a BBQ Bash with no mention of it being a birthday party , that 's how you " specify " to guests that gifts are not necessary . Given that the celebration of the baby 's birth is really a secondary reason for having this adult oriented shindig , a low key approach with the invitations seems quite apropos . You can still do the birthday cake during the dessert portion of your festivities so there is little hoopla and guests won 't feel like they have somehow goofed by not bringing a gift . But my questions are these … do you intend to host future huge parties on the occasions of your daughter 's birthdays and significant life events to celebrate her parents surviving the Terrible Twos , the hormonal teen years , drivers ' education , 12 years of education , etc . ? I 'm not sure it 's a great precedent to start off celebrating a child 's first birthday with the idea that the party is more about the adults ' needs than the child 's . ( Psst … in other words , you sound like you want this party to be about you , not your daughter , and if you were really putting your daughter first , you 'd probably have a small birthday party more in keeping with what she can handle and save the BBQ Bash for another date . ) And I meant to say , if this is about the parents , shouldn 't you be taking your husband 's wishes into account anyway ? The father of this baby would like a small celebration with both sets of GPs . Why don 't you want to consider this ? It 's hardly a lot to ask . If my husband had suggested this , I 'd have agreed without thinking twice ( despite having had IL issues at times ) - this is his child too , and his parents . It sounds as if it is important to him . A one - year - old doesn 't care about what goes on at her birthday party . She doesn 't even have any idea that that day is different from any other . Also , since children are best served by consistency ( and definitely not by eating frosting ) , it 's doubtful that * any * celebration would be in her best interest . Given that neither a small , " appropriate " party nor a large BBQ would really be about what 's best for the baby , why not choose the party that the parents would most enjoy ? I 'm sure that once the child is old enough to understand and enjoy a birthday party , the parents would switch to making the party " about " her . You DO NOT ever throw a child 's birthday party for ADULTS . As far as I 'm concerned , that is anathema ! This is precisely what my parents did for me and my older siblings . The parties were all for adults , not for children . It was the same with my 21st . I didn 't want one and fought my parents the whole way . We finally agreed ( i . e . , mum & dad did ) to hose 2 parties , one for me & my friends and the other for ' adults ' ( work that one out ! ! ! ! ) . I hated every second of it ! Personally , though , I agree with the Admin - keep the barbecue and the birthday party separate . Perhaps you could say that the barbecue is to celebrate her good health after the medical issues you mentioned ? It would still be in honor of your daughter ( and the fact that you survived the first year ! ) but it 's something everyone in your family and friend circle can ( and should ! ) celebrate . Plus there wouldn 't be a ton of people singing Happy Birthday and watching her open gifts and such , which can be a bit overwhelming for a one - year - old . Make her actual birthday all about HER , though - get her a cake and a few gifts , take her to her favorite places , have the grandparents over , etc . Even if she won 't really know what 's going on you can still give her a fun day ! People will bring gifts for your daughter because it 's a birthday party . There is no polite way of saying " bring a gift or don 't , I don 't mind . " People will expect your daughter to be the center of attention because it 's her birthday . There 's no reason you can 't throw a big party for it 's own sake . You don 't need an excuse . Not everything has to be a centered around a life event . Im gonna have to agree here . My father is a huge fan of throwing birthday parties for my siblings that really have nothing to do with their birthday . If you don 't think kids notice , they do . My dad and all his friends will end up drunk and completely out of it … . 4 hours after the cake was sliced . Imagine having to put your drunk parents to sleep on your birthday . If it werent for my mom , I would have been victim to these too , but thank god for my first birthday she had a sit down dinner for all her friends and family with activities for the little ones . Accompanied by a two tier tweety cake of course ( there was even a guy dressed in a full tweety suit … kind of creep but fitting still ! ) . Unfortunatley I fell victim to one of my dads parties on my 16th . I was tired and trying to get the man to stop crying and clingjng to his cousin at 4 in the morning ( I hadgone to sleep at 11 ) if you dont think we kids dont notice , we do ! I hope OP changes her mind , annd doesnt make a habit of this . My neighbors recently had a huge , all day party for their grand daughter 's second birthday . There was a bounce house , tents , all kinds of DJ - equipment ( CD 's , ginormous speakers , strobe light , some kind of ball that rotated & had different colored lights in it ) , at least 75 people and about 10 coolers full of alcohol . They even went on a " beer run " when they finished what was in the coolers . And when I say all day , I really mean all day - started at approximately noon , ended at 1 am , when the police had been called the 5th time for loud music , cars blocking driveways & the entrance / exit to the subdivision , the apparently unsupervised children running all over the neighborhood , darting out in front of cars . When the police arrived at 1am , someone was arrested and taken to jail . I really agree with admin in this one , 2 events = double the fun . Not to mention you can get lots of cute pictures of baby cuddling with the grandparents on their first big milestone to remind you the stress was all worth it … Then have a grownup party with all your friends to celebrate that you pulled through 🙂 If you want to have a big BBQ , by all means , do that separately on a different day . And don 't say it 's a celebration for having survived the first year , because honestly , you 're not the first parents of a baby and won 't be the last . Parenting one child for a year is not a huge , special feat . I 'd argue that making it through the first year with a baby is a " huge , special feat . " That first year can be uniquely difficult . So what if other people do it all the time ? People get married all the time , but most people feel that their own wedding day is a special day . People graduate from college all the time , but that doesn 't make it any less of a feat when you do it yourself . I don 't see any need to minimize what the OP has been through this year . And I don 't see any reason the OP shouldn 't throw whatever kind of party she wants for this birthday . ( With no mention of gifts on the invitation . ) The baby is not going to remember it or care . For later birthdays , absolutely . When the child is old enough to understand what a birthday is , the party should be the kind of party the child wants , within reason . As for how the child will feel someday to see pictures of adults enjoying a barbecue on her first birthday , we can only speculate . I truly can 't imagine a reasonable , well - adjusted adult getting upset over such a thing . Totally agree Calliope . I had twins so it was a huge feat to get through the first year . For our girls first birthday I had family and a small handful of friends for a sedate morning tea - because that fitted into our girls ' nap time routine . OP , for the first year , keep it sedate so as not to overwhelm your daughter . If you want a huge blow out party for all and sundry , have it a bit later and call it a survival party and have it at an adult time - ie evening . I had a BBQ for my son on his first birthday . I invited quite a few people , several of whom had children around the same time I did , so there were quite a few babies around . I don 't think anyone felt it was a ' gift grab ' because they all understood that celebrating the first year of a new life is a good thing . I had tons of food , Cookie Monster cupcakes and a Sesame Street cake that my son smeared all over himself but didn 't eat because it turned out he was coming down with something , people brought small , age appropriate gifts ( mostly clothes because the child grew like a weed ) and a good time was had by all . In short . Don 't over think it . Have a party , say it 's for your daughter 's birthday , and just enjoy all the ups and downs of parenthood . I know a lot of people who host big first birthday parties with elaborate themes and I think its nice that the OP is conscious of the fact that this day will have no impact on a 1 - year - old . Just because she 's doing this doesn 't mean that she 's going have parties for herself henceforth . I think its a nice idea . I agree with Admin 's first paragraph , but not with her second . It 's easy to invite people to a celebratory BBQ without making it about the first birthday . Your closest friends might know her birth date , but probably not many , so it 's easy to set up without everyone automatically knowing that it 's the birthday . And to be honest , a ' survival ' celebration is exactly how I felt about our son 's first birthday . We had a heck of a year , with health problems for both my husband and myself , close family deaths , and so on . But we made it , and we invited all our friends for an afternoon in the park to just celebrate being alive . It wasn 't about his first birthday , or even about us , but about us being together as a family . So don 't make the invitations about your daughter , or about you , just about wanting a get - together with friends . Enjoy it . And congratulations for making it , we know how hard the first year can be . Think of this : 12 years down the road one of the adults at the event mentions to your daughter about the big party her parents had to celebrate surviving her first year . I have a feeling it will sound like , " You were a terrible , difficult baby and when your first birthday rolled around your parents had a party to celebrate getting through that rough time . " That might not be the intention , but that 's kind of how it sounds … and might sound to her . Your desires trumped her birthday . And that could make her question whether she was even " wanted " at the time . My sister was terrible . Mostly because of sleeping difficulties . We still had birthday parties and a very active social life ( to this date , my parents host 4 - 5 parties per year , 20 + guests each ) . By 12 , she absolutely knew she was a little hellion when she was a baby . She was not loved , wanted , or cared for any less because of that . She 'd even say " I bet being cute saved me ! " . Kids need education ( I have two toddlers ) . If you feel like your kid 's raising is best served by always reassuring them they could do no wrong , that 's ok with me . Not my approach : when my 3 year old girl is being mildly scolded I tell her " don 't be a rat " . She replies " I 'm not a rat , I 'm a girl ! " . I doubt her self esteem is being obliterated . With regard to the party - we had a barbecue , both sets of grandparents travelled in . My mom brought little knicknacks common for kids parties . We had a few informal guests in the form of neighborhood kids ( there is a large , enclosed , shared back area for our housing development ) . Beer and soda for their parents . There was cake too - my daughter couldn 't eat much but it was still served . What 's the harm even if the " guest of honour " had no clue of what was going on except that a lot of people were clapping . Having observed my niece 's recent first birthday party , I agree that small and low - key may be the best way to go . My SIL hosted a small gathering of parents , grandparents , aunts and uncles , cousins , and a few close family friend : in all 20 - 25 people . At first , my well rested niece was fine , even interactive . But about 2 hours into the excitement she started getting cranky and irritable because she was tired . She slept for two hours after that . The birthday girl missed half of her own party . I know you may be happy you got through the first year of your daughter 's life , and you really want a huge " Happy birthday / We did it ! " party but your guest of honor may not be able to handle all the excitement . So a smaller event may be best until the little one can last through her own party . Personally , I 've never understood birthday parties for children who are too young to appreciate them . My kids didn 't start having birthday parties until they had started kindergarten . I realize that 's a personal thing , but it 's been my observation that toddlers tend to get overwhelmed by all the attention and fuss , to say nothing of the sugar rush from the cake , etc . I 'm with your husband on this one , OP . I 'm happy that your daughter 's medical issues appear to be over , but a big birthday party for a one - year - old just doesn 't make any sense to me . On the other hand , having a bash for no particular reason is almost never a bad idea , so go ahead and have your barbecue , and as Admin suggests , make no mention of it being your little girl 's birthday . It 's just a party to get together with loved ones , and it just happens to fall around the time of her birthday . Congratulations , BTW , on getting through that first year ! Oh , another suggestion , which we did for our kids on their first birthdays : We boxed up and wrapped toys they hadn 't played with in a while , and they had the fun of ripping paper to shreds while we saved money by not buying new things . They never knew the difference . I am sorry , but I am of the school that a first birthday party is just as important as any other birthday a child might have ( I might be in the minority here ) . I have had friends do large shindigs that had their adult friends and their friends who have small children . I have had friends do small family affair parties where it is just family members within close driving distance . We did something very small for our firstborn because we have no family in the area , and , though invited , all of our friends are childless and did not feel comfortable coming . Traditionally , long ago and far away , first birthdays were a monumental milestone , not because the parents survived baby 's first year of life ; but because the first year of life was so fragile that a baby making it to one year old was worth celebration . My thoughts are , if you want a bigadults only party have on a day other than your daughter 's birthday . Let 's be honest - first birthday parties are for the adults . They 're a way of cheering the parents on for making it through the first year , and to let family and friends in on the celebration . The baby isn 't going to know what 's happening , and the baby isn 't going to remember any of it anyway . The baby does not care . I don 't think that means the mother is going to throw herself a party for every milestone or make her daughter 's childhood a parade of maternal narcissism . I mean , wow , that 's a pretty harsh and judgmental way of looking at it . I do agree that a cookout with a large amount of people and alcohol might be a bit overwhelming for the child . I would set a time limit - say , 2 - 3 hours , and after that ask guests to clear out so the birthday girl can get some rest . And some rest for the adults , too . I can 't tell you why , but I 've come home completely exhausted from every first birthday party I 've ever attended . I agree with the Admin . Our little one turned 1 in March and we did a small party at home with my Dh 's brothers family and friends of ours who have a child the same age as my daughter . Thy play together often . It was held in the afternoon , we did a smash cake etc however the important thing is that she was not overwhelmed by this party and she had fun . Large parties for 1st birthdays are very common in my ethnic community but they are all about the parents . I don 't think there is any problem making a big deal about a baby 's 1st birthday with a big party . You can have a 1st birthday party without it being a " sit around and stare at baby " event . Personally , I would tell everyone we are hosting a BBQ to celebrate our daughter 's 1st birthday , no gifts required . I have many ' very small ' memories but I do NOT remember either of the first two birthdays OR my first two Christmases ( I was born a few months after Christmas ) . I vaguely remember my third birthday because I was given a ' hold her hand and she walks ' doll that was bigger than I was , and I remember putting my arms around the doll and dragging her , with her feet on the floor , off to by my bed to play with it . Third Christmas and fourth birthday , yes … I don 't think she sounds selfish . I think she is unclear to herself about what she actually wants . What she seems to want isn 't so much a huge birthday party for the one year old , who won 't even know that it is her birthday . She wants to have a big barbecue to celebrate the past year . There 's nothing selfish about that . I think it would be clearer to not call it a birthday party for the 1 year old , but to call it a barbecue , just as has been suggested . She 's been through an exciting year with ups and downs . Have a party . Just don 't call it a birthday party . The people who are closest to the family , such as grandparents , will give gifts to the baby . The rest of the people won 't feel obligated . Problem solved . I don 't see that at all . By her description the bbq will be casual and she doesn 't want gifts . Selfish people view parties as opportunities for gift - grubbing and / or to impress . OP here . Just to clarify , this will definitely not be a tradition in the future . The next few birthdays will be very low key with just a few family members , and when she 's old enough to enjoy her birthday we 'll do low - key events at the house with a few of her friends and cake . Maybe we 'll splurge and do a " big " birthday at a roller rink or something for her 10th birthday . Thankfully , I have a VERY happy , social baby . She loves being around people , and will get a second wind if she 's tired when there 's people she doesn 't see often around . If we were to throw a big barbecue , we 'd throw it to coincide with the end of her afternoon nap ( 3 : 30 pm ) and then she 'd go to bed at her normal bedtime of 6 : 30 pm . So I 'm not very concerned about her being overwhelmed or tired . I agree that maybe we should separate the two events , but so many of our friends love her dearly and have been so helpful with a lot of her medical issues that I 'd love for them to be able to celebrate with us . A big barbecue just seemed like the best way to do that . We have family friends who had twin boys , and for their first birthday party they threw a backyard party . I wouldn 't call it a bbq , because they didn 't grill , but rather had some non - fancy but perfectly delicious catering . They have a big family , so it was probably 25 or 30 people all told , and the kids had a blast . They got them smash cakes , and it was so fun to see their little personalities come out - one made a huge mess and the other barely got into the frosting . This event was held at the grandparents ' house , and there was lots of close family there to help if and when the boys got tired or cranky . It was a lot of fun . People brought gifts , but I don 't believe they were opened during the party . A thank you note arrived soon after . People should definitely have whatever kind of party they want to have . Just because it is a child 's birthday , doesn 't mean it can 't be enjoyable for the parents as well . I wouldn 't throw a raucous free - for - all , but if the adults know how to moderate themselves , a good time can be had by all . I don 't quite understand all this " don 't overstimulate the baby ! " " Keep it small , at your peril ! " advice . If they 're tired , they 'll go to sleep , or they 'll recuperate the next day . These boys were also social , and had a great time . They may not be able to remember it directly , but there are some great photos and video that await them as they get older ! Why not have both events ? You can have a quiet dinner in with the grandparents one night , then the next day have the big bash . It seems like a good compromise ; a quiet dinner in wouldn 't be too expensive or exhausting to prohibit the big party too , and both you and your husband get the party that you want . I always like being invited to BBQ 's , and any reason to celebrate is good enough for me . If I got an invite to something like this I 'd be fine with it . Maybe just call it a " we survived year one of parenthood " bash . Describe it just enough so that people will know it 's not a " sit around and watch the baby get a sugar overload " party and they will actually want to come . Then when they get there , have the party you described on the invite , but set aside a bit of time to bring out the birthday cake ; also have some balloons and what have you . I don 't get how this would be a problem to make it about the parents and not the child . The child doesn 't even understand the concept of birthdays . Have child - oriented birthdays later down the road when she understands what 's going on , and then invite the child 's friends , not yours . First one for you surviving the first year and having a great BBQ . Second one for the kid 's birthday party - quiet with the grandparents . HAVE ALL THE FUN ! 😀 I don 't think OP is selfish at all ; she sounds like an overwhelmed new Mom excited to have overcome some challenging medical issues and eager to celebrate her daughter 's first big birthday milestone . Given that the one - year - old is too young to recognize that this is her birthday party , go ahead and have the BBQ or a quiet party with grandparents or whatever you and your DH want to do and just get a themed cake or cupcakes and some small decorations for some cute photos with the birthday girl . And happy birthday to your little daughter ! Speaking as a possible guest , I don 't care to attend birthday parties for small children . Just not my thing . Invitations for children 's birthday parties are automatically turned down . Barbecue party ? I 'm all for it , even with small children running around . Have your big barbecue bash for your own enjoyment , and if just it happens to fall on the exact date of your daughter 's birthday , you can have a cake on the dessert table . Clearly you don 't want to celebrate your kids birthday ( no presents , all adult food , etc ) you just want an excuse to throw a party for your friends . So have a little thing with grandparents and other close family on her birthday that is short ( come join us for cake and pictures to commemorate this day ) . Then at another date have a summer BBQ . That 's the party you really want to have . No need to use your kid as an excuse . Besides , a child 's birthday party where beer is served is such a massively horrible idea and sets a bad precedent . Sheesh , people really seem to enjoy judging parents . The OP is not " using her kid as an excuse " to throw a party . She wants to celebrate her child 's first year in a way that she and her friends will enjoy . And having beer at a children 's party is not a " horrible idea " unless the adults there have drinking problems . There was beer and wine available for the adults at every single family gathering I attended growing up , from children 's birthdays to holidays . Nobody ever got drunk . Alcohol is a social thing in our culture , and it 's not out of place at a party . If that 's not your preference , that 's fine , but you don 't have to be so harsh on OP over it . I 'm sorry , but I 'm going with the OP . Have the party . My sister went through this , the incredibly hard first year with medical problems , and by the first birthday they were absolutely thrilled to still have two living twin girls . They threw a PARTY . I don 't know how they dealt with gifts , but it was an awesome party , with whole families invited . There are lots of pictures . The girls just turned 15 this year , and there hasn 't been a party like that one since . Have your party . Enjoy . If the kid is old enough to know it 's their birthday , then they are old enough to have a kid - centric birthday party . The first birthday is definitely a birthday where they 100 % do . not . care . No , you 're not setting a precedent that kids ' birthdays are about the adults . No , you 're not selfish . No , you 're not doing anything wrong . My kids are 11 , 8 , and 1 , and I can assure you none of them were traumatized by having a kid - friendly , adult - centric first birthday party . But the OP is bringing this to a new level of Speshul Snowflake . It 's a very adult BBQ , with her baby 's birthday as an afterthought . This lady is giving me the vibe that all the future parties for her kids will be exactly the same , things to the full glory of herself , ah , and my children are there too . I 'm sure you 'll be glad to know that your fears for the lady 's children are probably unfounded . We did the big party end of first year but following birthdays have been child - centered . I think most people know the difference between a one year old 's understanding and that of an older child 's . I respectfully disagree with Admin . OP is not saying she wants to turn every birthday into an adult affair , just baby 's first birthday which of course baby will have no recollection of , and is indeed a great event to celebrate . And the photos of baby 's first birthday ; there will be plenty of them showing all of the guests celebrating with the baby . I don 't like the idea of big parties for kids ' birthdays . Having been to a few over the years , I 've often felt they are way over the top , not what the kids seem to really want anyway , and whether intended or not , they do look like a gift grab . ( There is nothing interesting about watching a 2 - year - old open a mountain of gifts , sorry . ) At the risk of sounding like a total grouch , I feel like a lot of these parties are Just because the baby won 't remember their first birthday doesn 't mean that it shouldn 't be celebrated . The birthday celebration is for their parents and family too , as they have the desire to honor and celebrate their little darling . I would just caution on the size and scope of the celebration . The baby could be overwhelmed and exhausted by a celebration that is too big and grandiose . Usually a small , low - key gathering is fine . I liked my mom 's 1st birthday celebrations for us kids . She just invited a best friend and their baby ( s ) over for a small celebration . We got our own little birthday cake to chow down on while Mom took cute pictures . Have a big party if you want to ! We did a big party with lots of food and beer , invited all of our family and friends . I did evites and FB which is standard for our family . Some people brought presents , some did not , and everyone had a great time . Birthday boy had a blast bouncing from relative to relative and destroying his cake . After a few hours it wound down and just a few close friends stayed to " close the bar . " First birthday is about the baby AND the parents . Celebrate any way you please ! Admin I think you missed the mark slightly with your second paragraph . I noticed the OP said … " celebrate that we made it through the first year despite quite a few unexpected medical issues with our daughter " . It seems she wants to celebrate that their little one overcame her medical issues and survived her first year and that she and her hubby survived the stress and worry . In other words a celebration of life and making it through some rough times . The OP isn 't saying she is celebrating making it through the first year of motherhood but rather their family and their daughter surviving despite the medical issues . At first I thought the OP was going to express all sorts of greediness , trying to have her guests do all the work and then dictate the presents . I 'm happily surprised that the OP wants to be a gracious hostess . Refreshing ! A child 's birthday party should be something they can handle and I really doubt any one - year old would enjoy a large , lengthy party . How would OP deal with this ? Is she ready to put her daughter 's needs aside for a few days doing all the prep and then handling the baby all alone on the day , while hubby does all the hosting and cooking ? Is she prepared to give her daughter an " out " by putting her down early when she ( inevitably ) becomes very cranky and out - of - sorts ? Will she be satisfied hosting a party that she misses most of , and that her daughter can 't really participate in ? All these things are pretty much guaranteed ; however , if it 's just a regular everyday BBQ then the guests will not be put out if the guest of honour doesn 't participate for most of it , and it won 't seem odd if a teen is hired to care for baby and even take her away for walks , etc . , so that the hosts can spend time with their guests . With an intimate party , if the daughter finds herself overwhelmed then it is not so difficult for those few guests to understand and accommodate her . Have two parties , OP , and you 'll get the best of both worlds . Why would she be doing all the work alone ? ? Perhaps there would be grandparents , aunts and uncles , or friends there that also want to help her celebrate and are willing to lend a hand with the baby , opening a bottle of wine , or setting out some cheese . Entertaining is really not that hard , the OP will not be a short - order cook all night . I recently went to a big birthday part for twins , and the kids , parents , and guests were all fine . No one was overwhelmed or needed constant tending to . When my daughter turned 1 , we threw a huge backyard BBQ , complete with " First Birthday " decorations and invited somewhere around 45 people . Before you think this was a gift grab - ALL of our parties are huge gatherings of friends and family ( usually around 30 - 40 people ) and almost always have some sort of theme . Our friends with kids are always invited to bring the kids ( even before we had one of our own ) ; our friends without kids happily help with / interact with the kids ; and the kids are impressively respectful , well - behaved , and just plain awesome . For her first birthday , some friends asked if they were required to bring a gift and our response was always , " Of course not . The best " present " is your presence in our life and hers . " The party was fun , a good time was had by all , and my daughter turned her smash - cake into a full facial . Now , I do have a question that piggy backs on this : once my DD turned 3 , we started having birthday parties for her and her friends at daycare . We were careful to pick a safe , " netural " location ( a local park with a playgound and bathroom facilities ) and kept it short ( 15 minutes for each year of her age ) . Her 4th birthday is fast approaching and I 'm wondering if there 's _ any _ way to word the invitations to alleviate or eliminate the idea that they need to bring a gift . I was thinking " Your presence is the best gift you can give ! " but after reading this site and some of the above comments , now I 'm wondering … You can try to specify some form of " No gifts " message , but it 's not etiquette - approved . Explicitly asking for no gifts is less presumptuous than explicitly asking for gifts , but both are attempts to control or direct other people 's generosity , which is rude . Besides , it won 't really work : some people will follow instructions while other people will assume it means " gifts optional " or " gifts desired but we don 't want to look greedy " , so they 'll bring a gift anyway . Then the non - givers will feel bad about having interpreted " No gifts " literally , and you won 't be able to reassure them without implying criticism of the behavior of the people who DID bring gifts . No - win situation . A huge Baby 's first birthday is a central part of Hawai ' ian family tradition ; indeed , many Polynesian cultures celebrate the first year with a huge gathering that can involve hundreds of people . Some Asian cultures adopt this custom too . I suppose in ancient times it was a way of celebrating that the baby survived its first year , and can now be welcomed into the community , but at this point it is an honored tradition . I did this , and great fun was had by all . We had the Bar - B - Q , volleyball , lounging , and when it was desert time I set my son on a tarp with a piece of cake and let him feed himself . I still have no idea how he managed to get chocolate cake inside his diaper . I at first thought there was something wrong because of the color difference until I noted the scent difference . And I have the photos of him smeared head to toe with cake to remember it by . He is now 23 and that was the only time I celebrated his event with an adult - oriented party . It was not a omen of things to come and a sign that I would make his milestones all about me . Almost no one brought presents for him to drown in affluenza , and I didn 't have to write a bunch of thank you notes proclaiming how much he loved X or Y that he didn 't really notice . Invite the friends for a Bar - B - Q and enjoy ! All future birthdays will be his . I think the OP should have the BBQ in July , and provide a few treats for the toddlers and children in attendance . A BBQ doesn 't really need a reason to happen . Or maybe you can just have it as a celebration of your return to social life after the first almost - year with the baby . I think the OP 's attitude is actually pretty common . The first birthday is one the child will not likely remember , so no need for the elaborate party celebrating it . We had a big family bbq for my oldest daughter 's first birthday - but we had kid activities there because we knew lots of her older cousins would be there . Each year the celebrations have been different - some years we will have a smaller party - some years a bigger party - but I don 't think we necessarily set a bad precedent by having a larger party for the first birthday . We got a moon bounce and had a piñata . I think as the kid gets older they tend to narrow down their circle of friends and have specific requests of what they would like to do . One year my daughter had a gymnastics party . Another year it was bowling . Next year she will probably do a sleepover party with movies and pizza . But to me birthday parties for kids , ought to focus on the kids themselves - the guest of honor as well as have kids their age in attendance . It should have activities / food , etc . , that the kids will enjoy . And have an adult bbq with beer and such on a different day . I think it 's possible to do one event that serves both purposes . Invite friends over in the late afternoon / early evening , put out appetizers for the guests , and do gifts and sing Happy Birthday to the child , and give her a cupcake / smash cake to enjoy , and take lots of pictures . Then , put the child to bed inside , and continue the barbecue with the adults ( followed by cake for the adults ) outside . Kids that age don 't get parties anyway , and everybody looking and talking at them tends to make them cry . In my extended family , infant and toddler birthdays were an occasion for a low - key family potluck or barbecue that happened to include some family friends and their kids , and also some cake and ice cream . Having " Happy Birthday " sung to them and then being put down on the floor and allowed to mangle some wrapping paper was all the babies needed or wanted .
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Normally I would look at a long holiday weekend as a chance to catch up with some work . But not this time . I did get some work done , but my goal was to take it easy and just do what I felt like doing and seeing how long I actually slept over three days - you know , go to bed when really tired , get up when my eyes open and my body says , " get up . " To find out how long I really need each night . Eight hours . That 's how long I sleep naturally . Three nights in a row , eight hours each night almost to the minute . So now I know : that 's what I need in order to feel functional . The garden in the middle of the yard is going crazy . We planted a clematis a couple of years ago and it is blooming this year - I wish I remembered which clematis it is , but it 's pretty growing around the rosa rugosa ( beach rose ) . I would like to train it to go more toward the center of the trellis , but don 't have the kevlar gardening gloves I need to deal with the wicked thorns on the beach rose : Ginger went out with me so she could play keep - away with her frisbee . She still hasn 't figured out that she gets to run more if she 'll just give the damn frisbee ( or ball ) back to us instead of making us either chase her or try to outsmart her to get it back to throw it again . She 's a goofus . The prednisone seems to have knocked the swelling out of her lymph nodes again and she 's been pretty perky for the most part . . . . . . except for the fireworks , of course . She 's had three terrible evenings , and tonight wasn 't so hot either . Here she is looking very worried as she just heard a small firecracker go off in one of the neighbor 's yard - ready to bolt to the back door and beg to be let in the house if she heard another one : I managed to get covered in dirt this afternoon , planting the hellebores I mentioned , and putting together some pots of rosemary and basil and marigolds . Stanley put in a new peony , a coral - colored one . I noticed an astilbe I planted a couple of years ago is finally growing , and some of the plants I put in the shade garden are starting to show signs of life . I 'm trying to grow shade plants that like dry shade that are not hosta - though it looks like I may have to break down and put in some hosta as well . I 'm not particularly fond of hosta , but I 'd rather look at those ( this is the view out my office window ) than bittersweet - choked burning bushes . And I wish there was an easy way to get rid of bittersweet - I wonder if somebody could figure out a way to make biofuel out of that stuff ; that would be one way to get rid of it . I 've been thinking too much lately . My sister asked if I were worried about developing frontotemporal dementia like my mother and her mother . I kind of brushed off the question , telling her that what I 'm trying to do is get everything in order so that if I do get it , I won 't be a such burden on Stanley ( and if I don 't get it , well , we 'll be in a good spot to enjoy retirement ) but other than that , I 'm not worrying about it . And I 'm not really worrying about it , but I 've become almost obsessed with learning about it and paying a lot of attention to how the caregivers in the FTD Forum are doing and what 's happening with their FTD loved ones , and I am worrying a lot about Dad . My mother let her worry about getting FTD like her mother did ruin a great many years of her life , and it did her no good at all . I don 't want to miss living life now to worry about the future . I decided the best thing I could do was get as healthy as I can and do what I can to stave off developing dementia , if it ever happens . So I 've been working on that . But it is bothering me a lot , the grief , the long goodbye , I think , more than anything , and that , coupled with Ginger 's cancer and some health problems that people I love have , has pushed me into this place where I feel like I 'm sort of underwater , and it 's interfering a lot with being able to get things done . I 'm not immobile , but I 'm not okay , either . I 'm not sure what to do about it . I 'll talk to Stanley about it and see what he says . But right now , I 'm going to bed , would like to get to sleep before it starts getting light out for a change . Especially since I can 't get my eight hours in tomorrow by sleeping until past noon - the holiday weekend is over , alas . When I go grocery shopping , I always look to see if Turkey Hill Tin Roof is on sale and , if it is , I get it for Stanley . For the past couple of months , the price of this ice cream has been $ 3 . 99 - at least at the Westport Stop & Shop . On Tuesday , I looked at the price signs hanging from the freezer shelves , proclaiming that the price is $ 3 . 99 , down from $ 5 . 99 on November 23 , 2007 . Wow , a two - buck drop . On a half - gallon of good ice cream . Only . . . it 's not a half gallon anymore . No . It 's 1 . 5 quarts . Well , okay , so the price is down 33 % while the quantity is only down 25 % , so it 's still cheaper , right ? Only I don 't remember if the size back in November was a full half gallon or not . So I don 't really know . I just remember that the cartons were bigger - the whole reason I noticed the smaller quantity to begin with is I noticed the cartons are much smaller than they used to be . We have a small freezer , so I 'm very aware of the size of the stuff I buy to fill it . So he sprawls long enough across Stanley 's keyboard to totally disrupt the flow of whatever Stanley was trying to work on . I swear this cat has ADD . He comes , he wreaks mayhem , and before one can adjust to Slink 's new reality , he leaves to chase a moth or watch the bird in the wisteria or just torment the dog . July is the time of year to secure heating oil contracts here in New England . You try to decide if it makes sense to pay the market rate at time of delivery , to pay a fixed rate no matter what the market rate is ( along with a fee ) , or to pay a capped rate , which requires an up - front payment of a certain amount . The up - front payment does not count toward your oil bill - it 's just a fee the heating oil supply companies charge you to cover their asses . This is a new thing this year , at least around here . Then you have to figure out who offers the best rates , which involves phone calls ( the websites are usually non - informative or very confusing , especially about this new charged for the capped rate ) and waiting for information . Then you need to figure out how much oil you 're going to need this winter , which is a real crapshoot in Southern New England . Last couple of winters were mild , but three years ago it got really cold , but if it 's windier than usual ( we live on the coast ) it 's colder than usual even though the temperature might be higher . . . and last winter we got a new furnace , so I couldn 't even average over three or four years . I settled on 700 gallons . Then you have to try to guess what the cost of heating oil is going to be . You can 't really go by the price of gas - it 's more like the cost of diesel ( since heating oil is diesel with different additives ) so you need to ignore the brouhaha over the rising cost of gas and look at other stuff - requiring a lot more knowledge than I have , or have time to acquire and sort out . Fortunately , I have a very smart friend who understands the commodities market , Stu Johnston . He understands it so well he wrote a book about it and put together a database and wrote an application to mine the database that provides all kinds of information about commodities prices and other stuff I only vaguely understand - you can subscribe to this database at Time and Timing ( a trial subscription is available ) . Anyway , I asked him what he thinks makes sense . We juggled the numbers , ruling out market rate , and looked at the difference between the fixed rate contract and the capped rate contract with the fee ( which is 30 cents per gallon from the company we selected , which is Gault Oil of Westport ) . The capped price is $ 4 . 84 / gallon plus the fee , or $ 3 , 598 for 700 gallons if you pay the cap . The fixed price fee is $ 4 . 79 / gallon plus a $ 55 fee for 700 gallons , totaling $ 3 , 408 . So the difference is $ 200 , and deciding what to do amounts to whether we want to gamble $ 200 that the price of heating oil will drop enough to cover the fee ( and hopefully then some ) or not . Stu also said we could hedge as well , but that 's more thinking that I have the energy for at this time . And he said he thinks heating oil might go down . So do I , especially if we have another mild winter . We decided to gamble and went with the cap . And now we 're watching as the cost of oil is dropping and keeping our fingers crossed . And doing what we can to tighten up this 200 - year - old sieve of a house and wishing there was such a thing as affordable solar heating systems . After it was all buttoned up , it hit me : $ 3 , 500 ! That 's $ 700 per month just to stay warm enough so we don 't see our breath in the house and are able to move our fingers enough to keyboard . It 's tight for us - I just can 't imagine how people on fixed incomes or low income families can afford these oil prices . Electricity is just as expensive in this state . . . what are people going to do ? The cancer protocol the onco vets put Ginger on a couple of weeks ago just didn 't work , and her lymph nodes again started enlarging , which means the lymphoma is back . There is one more chemo protocol they can try , though the prognosis is not good . We 're starting to accept that we won 't have her around much longer , but are hoping she can be comfortable enough for one more trip to Oscoda in late August and early September . They needed to start her on the first chemo drug they gave her , an induction drug , Elspar . And continue her on Prednisone . Next week she will get blood tests and get checked over , then we start her on yet another drug , but I don 't remember what it is . It 's a pill rather than an injection . She seemed to be doing okay after treatment on Wednesday . On Thursday , she ate quite well , some wet dog food , a little bit of steak , a bit of baked potato , some broccoli ( which she loves - go figure . . . ) , plus her dog biscuits and her Greenie . Not much of her dog chow . She sometimes gets diarrhea when she eats beef or pork fat ( or just beef or pork ) , so I didn 't think much about it when she had to go out repeatedly starting around 2 am on Friday morning . I was up monitoring a server upgrade anyway , so it wasn 't like I was going to sleep right away . I put newspapers down before I finally went up to bed just in case it wasn 't over . It wasn 't . Only it was much worse - fierce vomiting was the next event . She snagged the cat tuna and blew it . She drank some water - gone at once . Between the vomiting and the diarrhea , I knew it was bad . I called the onco vet , who prescribed some pills to give her , one for each problem . Pills . For a dog that couldn 't even keep water down . A trip to the vet to pick up the scripts and $ 40 later , I gave her the meds . Barf in 60 seconds . No pills in evidence , but oh she looked so so sick and in pain . The onco vet said to call her regular vet , Dr . Meredith Re at Strawberry Hill Animal Hospital ( we 're crazy about Dr . Re , and the creatures love her too , even though she sticks them with needles and shoves thermometers up their butts ) . Dr . Re had us bring her in , and it was very difficult because Ginger just did not want to walk anywhere . She got up into the car , but did not want to get out of the car . Stanley had to half pick her up and half shove her out - we didn 't want to yank her by the collar because of her swollen lymph glands . Then , when we finally got her in to the exam room , Ginger shoved her head between the table and the wall and tried to make herself as small as possible . Bottom line was Ginger needed IV liquids and pretty close supervision overnight at least , since she was dehydrated because of all the liquid she lost - she lost three pounds in two days and only some of it was the lymph fluid going down ( they have gotten smaller , but they 're still very much noticeable ) . Dr . Re 's hospital doesn 't provide ICU - type care and is not staffed during the wee hours , so she recommended we take her to the VCA Veterinary & Emergency Center - the animal ER here in Norwalk . Off we went . Dr . Re was worried that it might be pancreatitis induced by the chemo . We thought , before we saw Dr . Re , that it was all the stuff she ate , or maybe the potato skin poisoned her ( they can if they 're green ) . Ginger was first " triaged " by an intern ? Or orderly ? I 'm not quite sure who the guy was . We told him that Dr . Re had already called and faxed over her records , seemed rather pointless and a silly procedure - we wanted her taken care of as soon as possible . He left , and soon the vet , Dr . Vaishali Kamath , came in to take a look . I got a good feeling from Dr . Kamath - I felt like I could trust her to take good care of Ginger . The only times Ginger hasn 't been with me are the few days I was in hospital and when we went to Washington DC on our honeymoon , so it was really difficult to leave her there . The vet got her settled in for diagnosis and treatment , and came back to go over the estimate . After leaving $ 1 , 500 + to pay for everything ( 75 % of the high - end estimate ) , we went home to a very quiet house . I asked Stanley if we were crazy for paying so much for a dog who is terminal , and he said , " probably . " I asked if it bothered him and he said , " no . " Dr . Kamath said , around 11 : 30 when I finally reached her to get an update ( lot of dogs into the ER tonight , but only one from heatstroke ) , that Ginger was perking up quite a bit , that her blood pressure was back up to closer to where it should be and her blood work was fine except for some abnormalities which the hospital oncologist said was due to her chemo . Lots of IV fluids , IV steroid injection . Her vomiting was stopped , though the diarrhea continues . She is wagging her tail and had just gone out for a walk . We will probably be able to bring her home Saturday - we will hear from the hospital and Dr . Re Saturday morning . Oh , and the vomiting and diarrhea are the result of her chemo and not us letting her eat beef or potato skins . Just a lot of different poisons in her , a lot for her system to handle . So it seems like she is not ready to go just yet . We 're not ready to let her go yet , either - as long as she is comfortable and seems happy and not in any pain , we 'll hang on to her . The onco vet told us we will know when it 's time to let her die . She 's not under my chair as I write this and the void is huge - I can 't wait to bring her home . They wanted to keep her longer , to try feeding her and seeing what happens . But Dr . Re said Ginger should go home as soon as possible since she is so nervous when she 's away from us . So they let us pick her up and sent instructions home for feeding her , with instructions to bring her back if she can 't keep food down or gets diarrhea again . The doctor at the hospital wanted to do a full ultrasound , which we weren 't too keen on unless it 's necessary . Dr . Re told them not to do one unless we had to bring her back , when they would need one to get a final diagnosis - which , right now , is chemo - induced illness and not something like pancreatitis or renal or liver pathology . Her diet is supposed to consist of rice and boiled chicken sans skin or fat or spices of any kind . And we can feed her oatmeal . We 're supposed to do this for five to seven days . She is not happy about this . She inhaled her first meal at home : a cup of brown rice and a chicken thigh . We gave her another thigh while we ate dinner . She then spent the next couple of hours trying to get us to put her dog chow back down so she could eat it - she parks herself beneath whatever it is she wants and kind of huffs at us until we give in ( we didn 't give in . Yet . ) And she 's not allowed to have a Greenie yet . Greenies make her very happy . When Jeopardy comes on and she hears the sounds made while listing the categories at the beginning of the show , that 's her cue , " oh happy happy joy joy it 's Greenie time . . . " Fortunately , Jeopardy isn 't on again until Monday . So far , so good . Her lymph glands have done down considerably , probably due to the steroid injections she got in lieu of the prednisone , but it makes it easier for her to breathe . She 's still very tired , but not lethargic : she 's interested in what 's going on but is too tired to chase Slink yet . And she reeks - so it 's a bath on Sunday . There was a comment in the FTD Support Forum mentioning an article about insight in the New Yorker . I managed to find a PDF of the article - I would 've gone to the bookstore to buy it , but it was a bit late by the time I read about it - here is the link ( PDF ) : The Eureka Hunt by Jonah Lehrer as published in the July 28 issue of the New Yorker . Anyway , the article is about insight : where does it come from ? How does it work ? How do we suddenly just " see " a solution to a problem versus working through to the answer ? Mark Jung - Beeman , a cognitive neuroscientist at Northwestern University , initially began studying the right hemisphere of the brain and became interested in insight during his research . From the article abstract : " Jung - Beeman decided to compare word puzzles - or Compound Remote Associate Problems ( C . R . A . ) - solved in moments of insight with those solved by methodical testing . He teamed up with John Kounios , a psychologist at Drexler University , and they combined fMRI and EEG testing to scan people 's brains while they solved the puzzles . The resulting study , published in 2004 , found that people who solved puzzles with insight activated a specific subset of cortical areas . Although the answer seemed to appear out of nowhere , the mind was carefully preparing itself for the breakthrough . The suddenness of the insight is preceded by a burst of brain activity . . . . the anterior superior temporal gyrus becomes unusually active in the second before the insight . Once the brain is sufficiently focused on the problem , the cortex needs to relax , to seek out the more remote association in the right hemisphere that will provide the insight . " and " The brain area responsible for recognizing insight is the prefrontal cortex . Earl Miller , a neuroscientist at M . I . T . , spent five years studying the prefrontal cortex . He was eventually able to show that it wasn 't simply an aggregator of information , but rather it was more like a conductor , waving its baton and directing the players . In 2001 , Miller and Princeton neuroscientist Jonathan Cohen published an influential paper laying out their theory of how the prefrontal cortex controls the rest of the brain . It remains unclear how simple cells recognize what the conscious mind cannot . An insight is just a fleeting glimpse of the brain 's huge store of unknown knowledge . " Kounios and Jung - Beeman found that " . . . people who solved puzzles with insight activated a specific subset of cortical areas . Although the answer seemed to appear out of nowhere , the mind was carefully preparing itself for the breakthrough . The first areas activated during the problem - solving process were those involved with executive control , like the prefrontal cortex and the anterior cingulate cortex . The scientists refer to this as the " preparatory phase , " since the brain is devoting its considerable computational power to the problem . The various sensory areas , like the visual cortex , go silent as the brain suppresses possible distractions . " The executive function area of the brain keeps directing the search , looking through various areas of the brain such as speech and language centers , until , for example , you give up trying to find the answer or your work out the answer . But , once in a while , on the verge of giving up , the brain finds the answer , the insight , the " aha , " " Eureka , " " by Jove " moment when the answer is right there . Just before the insight , 300 milliseconds before , an area of the brain goes into overdrive : " . . . a small fold of tissue on the surface of the right hemisphere , the anterior superior temporal gyrus ( aSTG ) , became unusually active in the second before the insight . The activation was sudden and intense , a surge of electricity leading to a rush of blood . " What the aSTG is or does or is supposed to do is still mostly unknown , but earlier studies suggested that this area is related to certain aspects of language comprehension " . . . such as the detection of literary themes and the interpretation of metaphors . " It appears that the right hemisphere of the brain is responsible for broader connections . Insight seems to work best when the brain is relaxed - during a shower , upon waking . . . trying to get an insight , focusing on getting an insight , doesn 't usually work and actually inhibits insight . It appears that right brainers are more prone to flashes of insight while left brainers solve problems best through analysis . ( Are you a right brainer or a left brainer ? Here 's a test : The Right Brain vs Left Brain . This is a fascinating test - gotta ask Stanley about it , he probably saw this back in grad school days when he was studying cognitive psychology - I see her turning clockwise and can only see her reverse direction if I look at just a small part of her , like the foot . ) " The most mysterious aspect of insight is not the revelation itself but what happens next . The brain is an infinite library of associations , a cacophony of competing ideas , and yet , as soon as the right association appears , we know . The new thought , which is represented by that rush of gamma waves in the right hemisphere , immediately grabs our attention . There is something paradoxical and bizarre about this . On the one hand , an epiphany is a surprising event ; we are startled by what we 've just discovered . Some part of our brain , however , clearly isn 't surprised at all , which is why we are able to instantly recognize the insight . ' As soon as the insight happens , it just seems so obvious , ' Schooler said . ' People can 't believe they didn 't see it before . ' " The brain area responsible for this act of recognition is the prefrontal cortex , which lights up whenever people are shown the right answer - even if they haven 't come up with the answer themselves . Pressed tight against the bones of the forehead , the prefrontal cortex has undergone a dramatic expansion during human evolution , so that it now represents nearly a third of the brain . While this area is often associated with the most specialized aspects of human cognition , such as abstract reasoning , it also plays a critical role in the insight process . There 's more , definitely worth reading , especially the section on the prefrontal cortex . It is helping to make it clearer to me why fronto - temporal dementia ( FTD ) ( and all the variants ) manifests the way it does , or is starting to make it clearer . I have to read it again . It 's kind of like the prefrontal cortex is the conductor of the orchestra that is your brain is forgetting the music , so is getting less and less able to direct the players . I have to think about this some more . So many questions . . .
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Last night , I decided to contribute a little to the infamous Ace of Spades HQ Overnight Open Thread . Bad idea . I went from trying to share a little Foamy humor to explaining why I am such a loser . That 's what I get for staying up until 4am discussing my ( lack of a ) love life . Oy . Then , one day , the guy wakes up in the morning , rolls over , looks at you without your makeup on , and says ' who the hell are you ? ! I don 't know you ! I don 't know you at all . Ugly ! ' I think so . No one likes to be disappointed . Just be yourself all the time and people will know what to expect . And therefore , you will never disappoint . Michael in MI , you agree with Foamy ? You think that women wearing bras , applying mascara and shaving their legs and pits constitutes deceitfulness ? How about deodorant ? Is that deceitful too ? Combing hair ? Basically , I don 't get the whole thing with women gussying themselves up with tons of makeup to look like hookers half the time . Most women I know , even those of average natural beauty , are … naturally beautiful . But , they 've been taught since being a teenager that they need to put all this shit on their faces and in their hair to be " beautiful " and attract guys . So they start doing all this shit with their faces and hair when in their teen years , so that by the time they are 30 - 35 , their faces look like shit without makeup and their hair is so damaged they have to buy special crap to keep their hair from being all over the place . THAT is what I am against . Most women are naturally beautiful . But they start fcuknig all that up at a young age and then whine that they have to buy all this " beauty " shit to look beautiful and take so much time to look good , when that is not the case at all . I don 't know who taught women that they had to gussy themselves all up , starting at age 13 , to attract men and look beautiful , but whomever it was is an idiot . There 's a woman on my facebook page who is absolutely beautiful . But she doesn 't see it . At all . She is a triathlete and really takes care of her body , so she is in great shape and has a great body , in addition to being a natural beauty … great smile , great hair . Just all around beautiful . Yet , she admires and worships Grace Kelly and thinks she doesn 't measure up . i think that if you have to wear all that much makeup to look attractive that in itself is probably a turn off , you 're just going to look like tammy faye . guys like that look i 'm sure . as far as shaving , well european women don 't . it doesn 't gross me out , my hair is pretty fine and i don 't have to shave that often anyway ( sorry if that 's tmi ) , but men shave too . I 'm sure european guys don 't think much of it . bras , don 't wear them but i probably should . i think that in most relationships nowadays guys get a pretty good idea of what women are like without makeup , a lot of people live together before getting married . i do think that some women do tend to get complacent after they have been married a while and after having kids , they may not worry about their appearance as much as when they were single . i also think that some men tend to let themselves go when they reach middle age too . i think hormonal levels change obviously for women who have reached menapause , that can affect your sex drive . sex may not be as important to a woman . i think if you try to take care of yourself you can remain fairly attractive to the opposite sex for a long time without a lot of makeup and stuff , but when you are with a partner for a while you also know how to please them , you just get to know what they enjoy , so there 's that . this is pretty incoherent but that 's my take on this . There 's a woman on my facebook page who is absolutely beautiful . But she doesn 't see it . At all . She is a triathlete and really takes care of her body , so she is in great shape and has a great body , in addition to being a natural beauty … great smile , great hair . Just all around beautiful . Yet , she admires and worships Grace Kelly and thinks she doesn 't measure up . I can relate to this too . I 've known a lot of beautiful women who were not satisfied with the way we look and i can understand why , We are bombarded with images of beautiful women so much that i think it affects your self image somewhat . to be honest no matter how many times i 'm told i was attractive i can 't believe it . i 've been told i was ugly too and that sting never goes away really . i tend to only think of my many defects such as my big nose or my small breasts . at some point you just have to accept yourself for what you are and appreciate what you have . Actually , make - up isn 't damaging to the skin and won 't age it , not sure where you get that idea . Lipstick , foundation , etc . have moisturizers in them . I guess if you don 't wash it off at night you could clog up your pores and get pimples but that 's another matter . You know , looking like a hooker or no make - up at all aren 't the only choices . My mom was a ravishing Japanese beauty and when the time came she taught me how to apply make - up so that it looked natural and flattering . None of my girlfriends or female acquaintances have hair extensions or fake boobs . Maybe I run with the wrong crowd . Push - up bras ? That 's the fashion right now , so what ? I had green colored contacts for a while , just cause I thought it was a neat look - Asian girl with green eyes , how cool ! Just another fashion expression for me and I never pretended they were real . You 're right about hair dye . I don 't care how much my beautician insists that hair color won 't do damage , I know those chemicals aren 't good for my hair , and I won 't use them . Posted by : Smurfette at September 29 , 2009 02 : 04 AM Michael in MI , you agree with Foamy ? You think that women wearing bras , applying mascara and shaving their legs and pits constitutes deceitfulness ? How about deodorant ? Is that deceitful too ? Combing hair ? Posted by : Smurfette at September 29 , 2009 01 : 34 AM Also , the Foamy sketch mentioned about 5 things or so , shaving only being one of them . For the record , I don 't disagree with women shaving their pits and legs . But I agree with the rest of the Foamy rant . The main focus of the rant was the makeup and hair dye and boob ' embellishment ' . I never understood the point to any of that . Dye , never . Makeup , just a little to ' enhance ' the natural beauty is fine . But gobbing the shit on from the age of 13 ? WTF is that all about ? God blesses women with natural beauty and then they go about fcuking it all up at 13 , such that at 31 they no longer have the natural beauty and are forced into buying " beauty " shit to apply to themselves for the rest of their lives . One , from just not getting all this beauty crap from women . Why they * need * all this makeup and eye liner and blush and coverup and touchup and this and that and that and this , etc etc etc . I just don 't get ( 1 ) why they waste the money and ( 2 ) why they waste the time , when most women are naturally beautiful . And Two , it actually pains me to hear women talk down about themselves when it comes to their looks and think worse of themselves because they don 't have the body of X or the hair of Y or the face of Z or the eyes of A or the overall looks of B . As I said , one of the women on my Facebook is so beautiful and she just doesn 't see it . She so admires Grace Kelly and apparently sets that as the standard of beauty she must achieve . But she has so much beauty of her own , I don 't know why she puts herself down , simply because she doesn 't feel she is in the same league as Grace Kelly . I agree with you about 13 year old girls wearing make - up . Makes me sad . But females in our society are being pressured at younger and younger ages to become sexual objects . Don 't even get me started on that subject ! Sorry that my opinion is less interesting to you than others who have already gone to bed . G ' night to you too ! i 'm interested and i think that 's a good point . women are really expected to look attractive and be glamorous . imagine how much money is made off of beauty products and makeup ? i think advertising is a lot of it . I agree with you on the pressure for teens to wear makeup coming from the pressure to be sexual objects . My younger brother gave away his virginity when he was 14 , 8th grade graduation night . His girlfriend then dumped him soon after , saying she just wanted to have sex so she didn 't go to High School as a virgin . I couldn 't believe it . I hadn 't even had my first kiss until I was 19 and here he was having sex at 14 where girls wanted to get it out of the way for more sex in High School . Just don 't get that at all … And your opinion is just as important to me … I 'm sorry , when I refreshed before , it didn 't look like there were any new comments , so I thought people had gone to sleep already . Thanks for your feedback . Gives me an idea of whether or not I could ever share this opinion in public without being considered an a - hole pariah or something . I can relate to this too . I 've known a lot of beautiful women who were not satisfied with the way we look and i can understand why , We are bombarded with images of beautiful women so much that i think it affects your self image somewhat . to be honest no matter how many times i 'm told i was attractive i can 't believe it . i 've been told i was ugly too and that sting never goes away really . i tend to only think of my many defects such as my big nose or my small breasts . at some point you just have to accept yourself for what you are and appreciate what you have . Posted by : joan at September 29 , 2009 02 : 02 AM I 'm actually the exact same way . Back in college ( 199 , I worked out - hard - for the first time in my life . And I got in great shape . I was down to a size 30 pants and was all toned muscle . I could have posed for Men 's Health magazine . When I went to my cousin 's wedding , one of the bridesmaids asked me if I was in the military , because I was so buff and my posture was so great . Even my brothers who used to always call me ' fat boy ' were gawking at my physique . It felt great , but … I still was not comfortable with myself . After I lost my six - pack and merely had toned abs without a visual six - pack , I felt I was ' fat ' . I went back to comparing myself to all the perfect ' pretty people ' on the football teams and in the military and in the fraternities , all of whom seemed to just live at the gym and be able to eat and drink anything and still look ' perfect ' . Me , I would notice every defect , every slight gain of fat somewhere . And I still remembered the looks in girls eyes before I got in shape , that look that said " why are YOU looking at ME " . Even though I was in the best shape of my life , inside I was still haunted by those looks . And when I compared myself and my physique to others , I would find all my flaws . My abs weren 't as toned as his , my arms weren 't as big and defined as his , my pecs were not as defined as his , etc etc . I guess that 's why this whole " beauty " thing irks me . I know what it was like to get those looks when I was young and have my confidence in myself shot at an early age , where I still haven 't recovered now that I am in my 30s . I try to go out of my way now to tell women how beautiful they are , because I don 't want them to lose their confidence like I did or think they have to live up to some ridiculous standard . I guess that 's why this whole " beauty " thing irks me . I know what it was like to get those looks when I was young and have my confidence in myself shot at an early age , where I still haven 't recovered now that I am in my 30s . I try to go out of my way now to tell women how beautiful they are , because I don 't want them to lose their confidence like I did or think they have to live up to some ridiculous standard . well i appreciate your honesty . i think you may have an idea how some women feel . i try not to compare myself to other women and i don 't like being compared either , but it 's difficult . i really do think the media has a lot to do with it but it may be something internal too . i may well just be crazy . the thing is you are aware of this . that 's half the battle . i think you should try to convey this to your friend she may appreciate it and you more if you can get this across to her . Posted by : joan at September 29 , 2009 02 : 32 AM I compare myself to others all the time . And I listen to what women say and read what they say as well . I 've come to conclude from this that I 'm not what women want physically and I 'm not going to think otherwise until I get myself back into the shape I was back in college . So I guess in that sense , I am like a woman … I compare myself and I define myself and my worth by what women consider the standards for ' hotness ' in guys . And maybe that helps me understand women a little better , at least in that area . Maybe not though , since my bluntness most times drives women off . heh And I have expressed my opinion on her beauty to my friend . Left a long comment on her wall one day a week or so ago basically saying that Grace Kelly has nothing on her . And that I know me telling her everything I was saying doesn 't mean much , coming from someone she 's never met and probably never will . But that I hope someday she sees in herself everything that I and others see in her as well . Joan , I don 't know . This isn 't a modern phenomenon by any means . Haven 't women always been valued primarily for their appearance above all else ? The Trojan War wasn 't fought over Helen because of her wit and intelligence . well i 'm not sure . i think that in earlier times , it took a lot of effort just to survive . i 'm not saying that women have only recently been appreciated for their beauty , that 's not true . sexual attraction is part of our nature . i think there is more emphasis on it now and money is made from selling sexual images and sexual images are used to sell everything . i also think our standards of beauty or conceptions of beauty have changed in time , you can see that just within different decades . artists have always celebrated and portrayed female beauty but not just in an overtly sexual way . Posted by : joan at September 29 , 2009 02 : 45 AM Michael , thanks so much for your candid and revealing post . I guess it never occurred to me that guys also struggle with being self - critical of their appearance and trying to look perfect . You 've taught me something new , I appreciate it . But you guys still have it infinitely easier than us as far as being judged on appearance . Men can be wrinkly and have extra padding and still be considered sexy and desirable . Women ? No . Most men , to be considered attractive , have to be , well … manly . And there is a stereotype for men today as well . Drinking , partying , fix - it , strong , not emotional , not deep , just gimme a beer and sammich type . Now , I don 't fit into any of that . I don 't drink , I don 't party , I 'm not too handy around the house ( I can handle the basics , but beyond that , I 'm calling for help ) , I am pretty deep and emotional ( been that way since I was young ) and I don 't drink beer and I 'd rather be the one to pamper my woman and would never demand she do stuff for me ( though I shower her with adulation when she actually does sweet things for me out of the kindness of her own heart , such as making me special desserts , surprising me with cards in the mail , etc ) . Now , all that probably has most morons around here demand I give up my man card . Nevermind that I am a huge sports jock and love bacon . Not drinking and being an emotional type is probably enough to kick me out of the club of men . Now , if a woman is like that , it 's not a big deal . Plenty of men will rush to want to date her . But , when a man is like that , he doesn 't fit the man stereotype and is labeled " beta " or whatever it is now . And that 's because I feel like King Kong when I am playing sports or talking politics , but feel the complete opposite when it comes to dealing with women . In sports and politics , you 're judged on content and production , but in relationships , you can 't get judged on content and production until you get past the image . Or , at least , that 's how I see it in my mind and how I react in these situations . On the field , I never think twice about how I look , I simply react and focus on my production . Same with politics . My physical attributes don 't mean anything when it comes to arguing facts . But , when around women , what I know in politics and how good I am at sports means nothing … now , it 's just judgement on my looks . On the field and in political discourse , my looks don 't matter . The other guy could look like ( insert hot male celebrity here ) , but I still have better talent than him and prove it on the field and I still have better arguments than him and prove it in the debate . But you guys still have it infinitely easier than us as far as being judged on appearance . Men can be wrinkly and have extra padding and still be considered sexy and desirable . Women ? No . that 's what i have said to some guys that worry about their looks . when guys are too worried or self consciuos about their looks , that is in itself a turn off . men don 't have to be perfectly good looking at all to be sexy , the sum of the parts can be greater than the whole . i think that while men prefer movie star looks in women , they often seem to fall for far less too , so they must be able to appreciate more than what is considered to be beauty , maybe we capable of finding beauty in others that is not so obvious at first . Posted by : joan at September 29 , 2009 02 : 56 AM Not sure why this is so controversial . But then I 've only been skimming the comments because makeup talk is kinda boring to me . But that doesn 't excuse the moronettes from looking their best for the ONT . I compare myself to others all the time . And I listen to what women say and read what they say as well . I 've come to conclude from this that I 'm not what women want physically and I 'm not going to think otherwise until I get myself back into the shape I was back in college . i think to an extent that can be healthy . if you strive to take care of your body , you will be much more desirable to the opposite sex , that 's just reality . in a way it 's selfish but often times you have to think of yourself before you can think of others . if you have a partner they will also appreciate that you are in good shape and it can improve your relationship . . so if you stay in good shape that will definitely benefit your partner too . it 's considerate of you to stay in good shape and not get complacent . i admire you for wanting to take care of yourself and for your self awareness . Posted by : joan at September 29 , 2009 03 : 15 AM As I said , I refuse to consider myself worthy of female companionship unless I get back into the shape I was when I was in college . And , if I don 't get back there , I won 't date ever again . That 's probably not a very healthy attitude to have . But , that 's how I see myself , comparing myself to the ideal . Unless I live up to it , I see myself as unworthy . There 's a line in Semi Pro where Woody Harrelson 's ex is explaining to him why they broke up : " You know why we broke up ? Because you hated yourself so much , it made it impossible to love you " . That 's pretty much where I am . I 'm going to be ' hating ' myself ( considering myself unworthy ) until I am back to perfect again . Of course , if I get back to perfect and still am enjoying this " funemployment " ( going on 9 months now ) , then it doesn 't really matter anyway , since no girl wants to date a guy who 's unemployed ( and I don 't blame them at all ) . I think you can be manly and still be emotional / sensitive . I shun metrosexual men , but I 'm a sucker for a guy who will open up to me and can even cry ( gasp ! ) I want a strong man who is protective of me . But I don 't want someone who is shut - down emotionally . True story . My ex - bf was traveling out of town on his birthday and we hadn 't been dating that long . I knew he was disappointed that he had to work and be away for his birthday , so I sent him a package full of a bunch of little presents all individually wrapped , with hand - written , romantic notes on each one . He opened the gifts while I was on the phone with him and he was so touched by all the thought and effort I had put into them that he started to cry . I fell in love . Hard . That 's awesome . I dated a couple girls like you who did the same touching things . Can 't say that I cried every time they did such things , but I always cherished what they did and made a point to let them know how much it meant to me that they did what they did . Semi - similar story … in college , I was dating a girl who was going to Indiana Univ while I was going to Purdue Univ . At the time ( 1995 ) , I didn 't have my own computer and for some reason did not have a long distance phone plan . So , what I did was set my alarm for 8am each day that I had a late class , so I could get up 2 hour before class and go to the Residence Hall computer lab and use the school e - mail chat service to talk to my girlfriend . When the chat service was down , we just exchanged short e - mails back and forth . Years later , when we got in touch again after college , she told me that me doing that with her started her on the path to falling for me . She just thought it was the sweetest thing . Funny how it 's the small things that affect people the most . Well , to be honest , I haven 't gone out to meet or date at all since my last relationship ended back in Summer 2005 . After that , I ended up befriending someone whom I only met / knew online , but , long story short , I discovered that she was lying to me about everything about herself , and I took it hard . I went from getting out of a long relationship ( 2 1 / 2 years ) to naively putting my trust in someone online and getting burned , badly , and it made me lose trust in others , and in my own judgement of people . I 'm a very untrusting person in general , so it takes a lot to get me to open up and trust anyone , such that , when I do , I am all in . So then when I got burned , it hurt that much more . But really , I guess I take to heart what the moronettes seem to be like here , both the married / taken ones and the single ones . As well as some of the conservative Facebook female friends I have and some of the girls my ( real life ) friends have wanted to set me up with . All seem to be partiers and drinkers and want a certain type of man . I know I am currently not that type of man , but I know I want the type of girl they seem to be : strong , independent , intelligent , politically conservative , active , sports fans , yet have their sweet , caring core as well . It 's basically a case of ' it 's not you , it 's me ' . I 'm sure there are plenty of women out there I 'd like , but I also am sure that I am not the man yet that they deserve . So , I 'm working on that . Whoa , hun , you are being wayyy too hard on yourself . I promise that you really don 't need to have a perfect hardbody to be worthy . I like a man who 's in shape , but it would bug me to death if my man was scared to death to gain a few pounds here or there . I 'm not perfect and I wouldn 't want a man who thinks he has to be . Keep yourself in reasonable shape , know how to make a woman laugh , and BE CONFIDENT . That 's how to attract a woman . Posted by : Smurfette at September 29 , 2009 03 : 37 AM I 'm not perfect and I wouldn 't want a man who thinks he has to be . Keep yourself in reasonable shape , know how to make a woman laugh , and BE CONFIDENT . That 's how to attract a woman . Yeh i would definitely agree with that too . Don 't question your masculinity , compassion and caring and sensitivity don 't make you less of a man . in fact i would not want to be with a man who did not have these traits . just be yourself and yes be confident . When I was still living in an apartment back around 2001 - 2002 or so , my complex had a fitness center , sauna and jacuzzi . I was going to the fitness center pretty much every day for a while . During that time , I happened to build up a fitness center friendship ( meaning we didn 't hang out other than when we happened to be in the fitness center at the same time ) with a girl who came there MWF for her cardio . We 'd have friendly chit chat which eventually over the course of the weeks moved on to talking about relationships and such . We eventually got around to going from 20 minutes of stretching to about 60 minutes of stretching , since we were sitting there talking about anything and everything . She was hot , but she was dating some older guy with a boat and I was dating someone at the time as well , so I never thought there was anything going on with us . Of course , when I told my cousin 's wife that she said that I reminded her of a combination of her boyfriend and her best girl friend , cousin 's wife smacked me upside the head and told me that was my ' in ' with this girl . Well , we 're in the fitness center one night and she asks me if I want to go in the jacuzzi with her . I am extremely tempted , but I 'm so insecure about my body ( even though I was in fantastic shape at the time , just not ' perfect ' like I was in college ) , that I actually told her that I didn 't want to , because I was still not secure with my physique yet and was incomfortable with taking off my shirt in public . She pleaded with me for about 10 minutes , trying to convince me that she thought I was hot , but dumbass me kept rejecting the idea . So that 's pretty much me in a nutshell . Even when I do have a girl who is totally into me AND thinks I am hot , I find some way to mess it all up , based on my insecurities . And that 's how I reacted when I was in * fantastic * shape , you can imagine my attitude about myself now that I am 40lbs heavier and not nearly in as great of shape . So , as I said , working on the whole confidence thing . Heh , don 't worry , I don 't use those terms in any other medium than on the web . I just use them here as general descriptors … kinda like saying " conservative " or " liberal " to describe one 's political leanings . Conservative doesn 't really get into detail of all my political opinions on issues , but it 's a good general description . Same thing with this whole " beta " / " alpha " crap . Those terms don 't get into the details of whom I am whatsoever , but it 's an easier general description to save me from boring everyone to death with the pros and cons of my social expertise ( or lackthereof ) . I mean , do they lead any cheers during games ? No . Does anyone other than the people right in the section where they are standing actually look at the " cheer leaders " during the game ? No , they 're watching the actual football game . And does anyone care what the " cheer leaders " are doing or saying , or are they just getting off ( figuratively of course , hopefully no one is in the stands actually getting off ) on looking at hot chicks in skimpy clothing ? I 'd say the latter . True ' nuff , for sure - but somehow I don 't think " NFL Eye Candy Squads " would go over too well as a more accurate descriptive title . Apparently some of those women have , like , pride ' n ' sh ! t . . . Posted by : Curly Mustard at October 14 , 2009 05 : 32 PM So there was a March on Washington , D . C . on 9 / 12 / 2009 . I have come across some pictures that the mass media is not showing you from some protests . They are simply appalling , hate - filled and despicable . And more , as his new team has discovered the past nine months . Schwartz , a 43 - year - old son of a Baltimore policeman , quotes freely from Shakespeare and " Pulp Fiction . " He 's an avid chess player who listens to Judas Priest . But this is no cult of personality : Schwartz 's full - team address in March at the start of offseason workouts was the first sign changes would be wholesale . " He had a looong list , " running back Kevin Smith said . " He laid down the law . He 's very clear on how he wants this program to be run . " That even includes the pregame national anthem , as fans will soon notice at Ford Field . It 's not by accident the players are lining up shoulder - to - shoulder on the white sideline boundary . The Monday after the first exhibition , that performance was reviewed right along with the actual game . " He showed us how it should be and everybody took note . Helmets in your right hand or on the bench . Hand across your chest or arms straight . Just little things like that . It 's all about becoming a winning organization , and that 's how you do it : You take care of the little things . " Comments Off on Lions Coach Jim Schwartz Demanding Players Show Respect for the Country « Previous Entries ABOUT " We don 't read and write poetry because it 's cute . We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race . And the human race is filled with passion . And medicine , law , business , engineering , these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life . That the powerful play * goes on * and you may contribute a verse . What will your verse be ? " - Professor John Keating , Dead Poets Society ( 1989 ) " Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is . Treat a man as he could be , and he will become what he should be . " - Ralph Waldo Emerson " The purpose of life is not to be happy . It is to be useful , to be honorable , to be compassionate , to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well . " - Ralph Waldo Emerson Rorschach 's Journal . November 12th , 1985 : Dog carcass in alley this morning , tire tread on burst stomach . This city is afraid of me . I have seen its true face . The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over , all the vermin will drown . The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout " Save us ! " … and I 'll whisper " no . " " You see , Doctor , God didn 't kill that little girl . Fate didn 't butcher her and destiny didn 't feed her to those dogs . If God saw what any of us did that night , He didn 't seem to mind . From then on I knew … God doesn 't make the world this way . We do . " " And I am reminded , on this holy day , of the sad story of Kitty Genovese . As you all may remember , a long time ago , almost thirty years ago , this poor soul cried out for help time and time again , but no person answered her calls . Though many saw , no one so much as called the police . They all just watched as Kitty was being stabbed to death in broad daylight . They watched as her assailant walked away . Now , we must all fear evil men . But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most , and that is the indifference of good men . - Monsignor , Boondock Saints ( 1999 ) " Never shall innocent blood be shed , yet the blood of the wicked shall flow like a river . The Three shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of God . " - Il Duce , Boondock Saints ( 1999 ) " Now you will receive us . We do not ask for your poor , or your hungry . We do not want your tired and sick . It is your corrupt we claim . It is your evil that will be sought by us . With every breath we shall hunt them down . Each day , we will spill their blood till it rains down from the skies . Do not kill , do not rape , do not steal , these are principles which every man of every faith can embrace . These are not polite suggestions , these are codes of behavior and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost . There are varying degrees of evil , we urge you lesser forms of filth not to push the bounds and cross over , into true corruption , into our domain . For if you do , one day you will look behind you and you will see we three . And on that day , you will reap it . And we will send you to whatever god you wish . And shepherds we shall be , for Thee , my Lord , for Thee . Power hath descended forth from Thy hand , that our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command . So we shall flow a river forth to Thee , and teeming with souls shall it ever be . In nomine Patri . Et Fili . Spiritus Sancti . " - Boondock Saints ( 1999 )
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From the top of the cliff , Maria 's jacket looks like a red stain flailing in the heavy white foam of the breaking waves . She thrusts forward , stops , stumbles back , clutches on to the slimy wall of the cliff with both hands , slips . Thick fog wraps her in a pallid haze , disorients her . Maria is my twin sister . And my best friend . There is a whole world in her , an exciting world . Today is 13 October , our birthday : we are seventeen . Our party , on a large makeshift terrace above the beach , is just two hours away . I can 't wait . This morning , we descended on R , a tiny holiday town an hour 's journey north of Lisbon , in a happy and rowdy crowd . " Great beach " , our friends nodded approvingly . And what an odd beach it was , too : wide , thirty meters or more , bordered by a solid mass of cliffs , with not a single gap between them . The cliffs isolated the ocean from the rest of the town like a high - security prison wall . From the plateau above , you could see the water , pale - grey like the pale sky above it - but not the shore . To see the shore , you had to stand on the very edge of the cliff and lean forward . I watched people do that and it reminded me of a suicider before the jump . In class , Alex was average . He saw no use in most subjects , and so sat at the back drawing scenes with Javier Bardem in Skyfall or looking at the blackboard with his dreamy dark eyes . I was afraid of those eyes : they looked at you kindly , they did not seem to judge - but they could spot your tiniest flaw . Did they see through me ? Some nasty things they might see . Before the summer break , we all went out , drank cheap champagne , kissed randomly . On the dancefloor , feeling brave , I pressed myself against Alex , raised my lips to his , stared into his eyes , waited for a kiss . He drew back and looked away in embarrassment . He kissed no one that night . He never kissed anyone at all . We never really understood him . But we all knew that he would go far . Maria had spent the summer with our cousins , learning to surf . I was invited too , but surfing is a dangerous sport , so I decided to stay at home . On the first day of school , she walked into class looking tall and bronzed and athletic , her thick auburn hair shining with health , radiating the unmistakable confidence of a beautiful woman . Was she beautiful ? I had been looking at my sister 's face since we were children , trying to decide . No , Maria was not beautiful . But you could not find a flaw in her face either : not a single plain angle , not a flat expression . Her features were small , but vivid , alive , fitting together in happy harmony . She had a face you wanted to contemplate and study and marvel - like a stretch of the ocean . I have Maria 's features , but my face looks different . Earnest , as our mother says . How happy I was to see my sister again , how much I had missed her . We had the whole two months to catch up on , and sitting at the back of the class , I splurted in a loud whisper all my summer anecdotes : elated , desperate to show her what an eventful time I , too , had had . I would regret this later , when I sit down to homework and not remember a word said in class . But for once , I did not care . " And now let 's hear from Claudie " , the biology teacher 's voice suddenly boomed , " for a summary of today 's lesson " . I froze . Several heads turned towards me lazily : they knew I had the answer , I was top of the class , predictably good , the teacher 's favourite . " Just a few key points " , the teacher added encouragingly . For the first time , I would let my fans down . I stayed silent , tried to look disdainful . They better think me insolent than know the truth : that my brilliance , my spontaneity in class came from long , dull , lonely hours spent at a wide sturdy desk in the middle of my room bending over books . " The muscles of the heart are supplied with blood by two main coronary arteries " , Maria replied without missing a beat , as if she was expecting the question . " The right coronary artery supplies blood to the right atrium … " She finished , paused , fixing the teacher with her light brown eyes , almost mocking , as if saying : " You tried to catch me , but looked stupid in the end " . After class , Maria tried to cheer me up - " It 's only biology , we 'll forget about it the moment we graduate " - but I could see a tiny glint of triumph in her face . Where I had to work , my sister grasped things effortlessly . I was capable - she had talent . She knew that . We both knew that . It was our secret . The wind brings the smell of eucalyptus to the cliff . Our hotel sprawls behind me : low - built , shabby , beach towels drying on chairs , small white - stone bungalows cramped together . " Room with sea view " , the ad said . I guess we can see a tiny patch of the ocean , but mostly our view is over the car park . The washed silk of Maria 's red jacket is flapping in the wind like a scarecrow . Red is her favourite colour : crimson red , scarlet - red . Blood - red . I see her pulling on the strings of the hood , tucking in her neck , trying to protect her ears from the violent gusts . Maria , Maria , in that white seething wasteland , exposed to the tide and growing waves , your ears are the least of your concerns . The boys are playing ping - pong on three parallel tables : the girls cheer loudly , the wind carries their excited screams . We are still children : naive , full of primitive energy , not too different from five - year - olds screaming their hearts out in the playground . But tonight , we will be playing very different games : we are all in love with each other , all in crazy lust . I want tonight to be my first time . With Alex . I have my own room . I share it with Maria , but she 'll go somewhere else . She 's cool , and she knows I am in love : I tell her all the time . I don 't know who she is in love with . She never says . Noone , it seems . How is this possible . At three o ' clock , the countdown to our party had started in earnest . In the wardrobe , hanging from an ugly plastic hanger , gleamed the gem of the night : my dress . Slowly , I took it out , arranged it on the bed , gave it a final look - over . How I relish this moment . One by one , I took my make - up from its case , put it on the bed . Maria did the same . Our narrow rectangles of beds were transformed into a kaleidoscope of party pieces , like a Christmas ad for a department store . My ad was understated , well - organised , perhaps a bit austere : the classic black dress lying solemnly in the middle . Mother helped me choose it , she said I needed to wear clothes with a simple , elegant cut not to draw attention to my hips . I had only just seen Maria 's dress : it is red , chiffon , shimmering , it would flow easily on her lean well - trained body when she dances . I wish I did all that sport . How stylish my sister is . How proud I am of her . There is nothing else to do , the room is small and dark , and so we take our party - ready selves for a walk . The fog has grown stronger since the morning , and there is no one outside . We have the town to ourselves . The wind is getting chilly , so we put our jackets on and make our way through the long grass . I follow Maria on a narrow foot path . I like taking long walks with her : she navigates the way , while I walk behind and daydream . I imagine meeting characters from books . When I was younger , I dreamt of hanging out with Hobbit and riding horses with Ivanhoe . Actually , I wanted to marry Ivanhoe and disappear with him into the murky Scottish sunset . Someone is fast approaching from the far end of the key . I know this silhouette . I stop breathing . This is a perfect moment : there is the ocean , the mist , no one around . He must have sought me out on purpose . A pang in the heart . A shudder of disappointment . But I tell myself quickly that Alex is shy and does not chase girls . And not all is lost after all : we still have tonight . After a while , I turn around , half - expecting that Alex is already out of sight . But there he is , just a stone - throw away , standing still on the edge of the cliff , his body tipped forward , his clever face focused , intense . The unmistakable longing in his eyes . I 've never seen this look before . There , on the beach , Maria 's red jacket is bouncing around like a broken cursor on the screen , as she runs in the sand dodging the waves . I can hear her laughter . Alex is gone , while Maria continues her stroll . It 's high tide , and the beach is covered in foam . Once in a while , a freak wave breaks so close to the shore that the water washes up all the way to the cliffs . Maria utters an excited shriek and jumps up . She loves this , my adventurous sister . And I am here to keep an eye on her , just in case . But what is this ? Maria is not enjoying herself any more . Her movements are jerky , erratic . She no longer looks at the ocean in wonder - instead , she nervously peers at the cliffs . She is searching for something . This morning , we were mocking Alex : " What 's wrong with this beach ? Are you afraid of a big bad shark ? What do we need the exits for ? " " We are ok now , but we are in low tide . Look at these cliffs . They are like wet soap , standing in a single block . There is not a bump on them to hold on to , not a hole to escape into . If there is a storm , we will be washed into the sea " . Maria , there is a decrepit ladder just behind you : it 's made of rotten wood and old rope , but it will do , it will hold your light body . You just need to turn around and you will see it . Go there . Run . But she is not winning now . She raises her face towards me . Her eyes - always so bold , commanding - are gleaming with fear . With each wave , she is thrust towards the cliff , then pulled back . As the pull gets stronger , she clings to the plain stone , arms wide spread , water coming to her chest . You are not that smart after all , Maria . Look at these cliffs , how glossy they are . Did you not wonder why ? They 've been glazed by the centuries of stormy seas . Look how high they are , how impenetrable . They are there to protect the land from the might of the waives . Look around you , there is not a soul in sight . That 's because the beach is dangerous in high tide . Alex knew it straight away . I 've figured it out . That 's why I stayed up here , in the safety of the cliffs . I 've been in your shadow all our lives , Maria . And that was fine , because you were my brilliant sister : talented and beautiful and brave . I thought you were better than me . But you are like the rest of us : small and weak . It 's just that life has never tested you before . There is a ladder just ahead of you , Maria , two steps away . You can make it . Don 't panic , or you 'll miss it . Yes , this is it . Step on it and hold tight with your legs . Now reach out for my arm . I sprawl myself on the ground , legs wide apart , gripping some spiky weeds with my left hand for balance . I reach my right arm out . In a second , I will clutch my sister 's wrist , and I will pull and pull and I will not let go . I feel my fingers brush the silk of her jacket . We are almost there . Just one more thrust , Maria . Yes , I caught your wrist . You are safe . But don 't worry , Maria : you are weak , but I am weaker still . I will go on playing your second fiddle for as long as you let me . I quite enjoy it . In fact , I would not know how to live differently . So tonight it will be all back to normal and no one will ever know of this affair . In an hour or so , you will get over the shock , you will put on your red dress , you will go to our party . Everyone calls it " Maria 's party " , by the way . I push my body into the ground for balance , press my heels into the muddy soil , free my left arm . I take a deep breath , I brace myself . In one powerful thrust , I propel myself forward , grab Maria with both arms , pull her up to the cliff . Elena Shalneva is a London - based journalist and literary critic . Elena writes a regular column on management and office politics for City AM and literary reviews for Standpoint Magazine . Elena was born in Moscow and grew up in the US . She has a Ph . D . in Germanic philology from Moscow State University . 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IF you hate your job that much , look for another one . Simple as that . Just keep looking for one that you might like doing . She 's been at her job fourteen years and says she works with a new management team who are just hateful to their staff . If I were her , I 'd be gone already cuz I can 't put up with ineptness and I 'm too opinionated . I woke up this morning and dreamt I was a world famous pianist . The theater was packed of socialites and the masses waiting for me to play . I walked on the stage with my sulking face , sat down and cracked my knuckles and the first thing that pops in my head , was the tune of Tetris . Never thought I 'd be attached to a damn phone before when in the past , I hated them . I 've only been attached to this one cuz it had all my conversations with Switchblade and her pictures and videos . And now I only have the back up which is in my head , my memories of her . We still talk face to face , but somehow its different . The face mail . I don 't think we 've broken our bond , but we still do talk . Face to face . I did . Lost it Christmas Eve . Had all my 49 songs on there . And my entire 43 person / company address book . Not like I kept contact with any one person besides Switchblade , but practically ALL my old bolt friends that I 've known the last twelve years . This bat - shit crazy old woman . . . grew on me . At first she irritated the flying piss out of me but gradually , I got an understanding with her and her diagnosis . I feel emotionless at the moment . Switchblade . I love her to pieces but sometimes I want to wring her neck cuz she plays these manipulative little ploys if she doesn 't get her way . For example , I told her my new schedule has me working everyday this week till my last day off , which cuts into my original plan of leaving Dodge and hitting the road for Atlanta on the 22nd . Then she tells me not to travel during Christmas cuz of all the heavy traffic on the interstate which makes sense . Logically , the more I think about it , her advice seems valid . Then she texts me this morning , " Look , I 'm not feeling anything . Catch up with me in a few days if you are still coming " . It took me a couple of hours to get the gist of it and my gay friend , JP , says " I hope you see she 's playing a manipulation game there " . And I respond , " Of course ! And that 's the reason I want to wrong her neck off ! " Pouty little miss cuz she can 't have it her way and it 's beyond my control ! I can 't help it if I got a shitty schedule ! I can 't even get my crap out of storage if I have to work all week ! So Little Miss Ray of Sunshine will just have to deal without me being there for Christmas . I 'll get there when I get there . But I AM GOING TO ARRIVE THERE . And I 've noticed , the longer we 're apart , the more we argue . I miss her too but if I can 't control the shituation , then it 's out of my hands . Wow . It 's been a long time since I was here last , but I 've been busy . Busier , really . Getting my life organized and grounding myself . In two weeks , I 'll be moving to Georgia and rooting myself . Moving out of my comfort zone . If you have someone who believes in you instead of surrounding yourself with people who bring you down , that one person is all it takes to make taking root possible . On that same note , don 't make a move cross country for pussy or penis ; it usually doesn 't work out . And once it fails , you 're stuck with them till you dig yourself out . I learned this ten years ago . . . the hard way . Switchblade : I 've just been waiting too long , so this is way hard for me . My mouth chomps on the bit , but your fucking ass saved me . I belong to you . Me : You 're married . You belong to your husband . You told me that . You said , " How could I possibly belong to you ? How could you possibly belong to me ? " I hated that realization . But I can 't leave you alone . But when we fuck , we belong to nobody , no strings , nothing . Just us . I only want to be possessed by you and no one else . Christ . I need sleep . Going crazy with no sleep . I hate you . Switchblade : I don 't belong to the man I married . Its a technicality . He doesn 't own me . No one does . Just relax and sleep . Switchblade : I am yours Alain . So rest . I 'm not going to fuck him . Even if I did not know you , I would not be sleeping with him . I haven 't been for years . I have no interest . He killed all of that . Murdered actually , over and over again . I ain 't going back to him . I can 't emotionally . My brain would never let me . I am unable to due to my personality which means I 'm vulnerable when someone knows me . Switchblade : I 'm lonely and I couldn 't resist you . Its because somehow I knew you were compatible with me sexually and I crave that connection . I 'm usually very reserved . So sleep . I don 't even want anyone else . I can 't even think about anyone else . Can 't you see it in my face ? Don 't you know ? This little pissant pispsqueak kid pissed me the fuck off at work . I was pulling the line up into the trailer and out of nowhere he yells at me as his annoyance was directed to the new unloaders . I yelled at him back , but I caught myself not losing control , so instead , I went and threw the truck . Took me an hour . This other kid said , " I 'm not entirely sure about what to do now . Makes me uncomfortable that you did it in record time . One hour . " I really didn 't care about my surroundings . Fuck it . I was just angry . I don 't need to be yelled like that , especially from a young punk dumb ass . I was still angry so I clocked out and left work . Screw it . I have enough overtime that it wouldn 't affect my wages . Sometimes I feel like just dipping off the earth . Taking a reprieve from life . Being a zombie and feel no pain , but the more I think about it , that 's totally NOT me . I like to feel . I like to experience the richness of hurt and the pain of living . Kinda like self flagellation to a point . I got a job offer to work in a psych hospital in a desolate part of the state and I 'm uncertain about it . Once bitten , twice shy . Its a great opportunity but its three hours from where my family lives . And I won 't be able to Finley and Drew on a frequent basis . Drew - - he just turned two and warmed up to me today . It was awesome ! The job would be perfect for me to get out of the financial slump I 'm having to survive on a daily basis , plus its a state employment . The pay is decent and much more than being a retail slave . Decisions , decisions . . . For the first time since high school , I 'm on the lowest end of the income bracket , not an accomplishment that I 'm proud of , but hey . I got a job and that 's all that matters . A friend told me I should file for disability from having diagnosed with PTSD , but that would mean me not working ( as I 'm a money whore ) and sitting on my ass getting fat . No thanks . I 'd rather work for my money instead of having someone give it to me . Unless its friends or family , I trust no one to give me anything cuz there 's always a price or condition . I don 't have reliable Internet so these posts are a hit and run . Yep . That 's me , a retail slave . But I 'm so done with this crap . I started looking for jobs in the mental health profession again . Although , I could do without the injuries I sustained , I can " negotiate " better now with a screaming crackhead tripping on bath salts or a person attempting suicide with a bedsheet wrapped around their neck . It takes a lot of people skills to talk a person out of their rage . It takes patience and understanding what they want - - mostly , the person wants out cuz they don 't know why they 're ' locked up in a mental hospital ' . Those are the places I 've worked in the past ; locked units . People 's attitudes often change when they 're explained why they 're there but its not the staff 's job to let them go home ; its their talk with the doctor . And some people are belligerent enough to cause trouble for everyone both staff and other patients , where they create rampant destruction and be a general pain in the butt . That 's when the nurses call the psychiatrists and treatment team to see what they can do for the patient , who are sometimes really manipulative and try to bend rules for their benefit . Some just need to sleep a few hours . . . then they come back to their senses . Everyone is different so each is treated differently . But the characteristics are usually all the same . I remember a patient who didn 't want to be in the locked unit where I worked and tried everything to get kicked out like flood the toilet with bedsheets and towels , yet when it came time for him to be discharged , he didn 't want to leave . He had to be escorted by security and several male staff off the unit as he was screaming and yelling profanity at the top of his lungs , promising to " sue the hell out of the hospital " . He never came back . The jobs I 've worked in the past , I 've made a higher income than working retail - - where I 'm on my feet almost all shift , and this brings my feet great pain . Every time . Heavy manual labor blows , is all I have to say . I have till the end of May to vacate . I don 't really have a lot of stuff to pack now because my parents surprised me with a visit the last time I posted . They were on the way to Santa Monica , California . I asked why they were going there and Dad said he had to pick up a new horse . Really ? From FL to CA cross country road trip for a horse . And they said they haven 't seen me since last summer so it was an excuse to drive across the country and see some scenery . And Mom asked when I was going to come home and I said , " When I 'm done with school . " I 'm so burnt out , yet I must trudge on . Microbiology and Pharmacology on the way . I thought about Chemistry also but I 'm putting that off at the last possible moment . Not my strong point . I 'm over at Rafi 's , babysitting and doing homework . Her kid is distracting me which is why this post is tangential . : p Anyway , I 've had to input four W2 's for my tax return . Doing that also . Four different jobs in the last year . Four jobs that 's lasted more than a month . But I 'm glad I saved up enough , actually more than enough money to cover all expenses . I 'll update this more when I 'm settled . Other than that , seems like I have to time to catch up . Sorry for the inconvenience . Posted by I think there was a movie of that title like back in the 80s . I don 't know about the news anymore . There 's too much crap being broadcasted . I think the country is going downhill . That 's my point - of - view anyway . I wanted to see this movie , " Zero Dark Thirty " with Annie but she stood me up . I 'm not too worried about it . I didn 't have high expectations of our " date " when she called me . Other than that , I 'm moving . And moving sucks . My house - sitting stint will be over in a few months so its best that I start looking for a place . I know I can afford it having worked a steady job plus two or three to supplement my savings . I might even have some money left over . . . to spend for next semester 's tuition and books . For me , exs are what exactly they are ; EXt out of my life because something between us - - me and them , didn 't work out . I was reading an old email that was sent to me from an ex boyfriend back in 2011 and I couldn 't read the entire thing because I couldn 't get passed all the name calling and crap mentioned in it . It will probably take me another year or so , maybe even five , to actually read the entire email . With the exception of Annie , I don 't think I could ever date an ex again . Annie , however , wears heavily on my heart and mind . I often think of her and how she 's doing nowadays . Internet has been sucking balls lately so I haven 't been posting as much as Shannon . Two jobs : one at a paper mill and the other at Wally World . Yeah I don 't have much time for blogging most days cuz I 'm either sleeping or working . And that drains me quite a bit . And all this time , I 've been trying to gain weight . I 'm a shadow of my former self . I used to weigh in at 182 lbs . and now I 'm down to 168 ! I 've never weighed this less ! And working two jobs is taxing on my body . Granted , I can now fit into my clothes from three years ago and those were the tight ones , but I 've also had to buy smaller pants sizes as well as shirts . And I dumped my girlfriend . It was mutual maybe , but more so that I initiated the dumping . She got on my nerves with her neediness and always wanting to know where I am when she clearly knew where I was . And what pissed me off MOST about her , is that I kept asking her to get a fucking job cuz " we 're in a strained relationship , spending money I don 't have , and you 're on your ass at home wanting to go places . I can 't wine and dine you all the damn time " . She tried once or twice , but fucked it up saying she 's on disability with mental illness , some butt ass reason , which equals another LIE to me . I can understand the mental illness part , but using it as a crutch not to get a job ? Hell , I have hostile oppositional antisocial tendancies , but at least I get a job so I won 't dwell on self loathing . She may have been valedictorian in her high school , but she 's accustomed to being lazy and knows how to manipulate people to enable her into being a couch potato . . . which she clearly is . I think I 'm destined to be a loner lone wolf . Meh , I don 't care . I don 't have time for relationships anyway . Working too much . That 's my take on life as of late . ~ toasterface I don 't see why there should be a holiday set aside to be romantic when you can do that every day of the year . That 's my opinion anyway . Other than that , I spent the day yesterday by MYSELF . YES , ALONE . No rebound sex , no calling up old friends with benefits , no hooking up at the bars or clubs or Student Union . Alone . And I loved it because I didn 't have to answer to anyone . Its kind of exhausting now to be hooking up . I have too much going on with school . I need to stay focused . I was walking to the campus library to check out some books for my research paper on The Reconstruction post Civil War , and I saw Annie . That was earlier today . We just chit - chatted and went about our separate ways . I 've missed her . Missed her body and . . . . I 'll stop . I was flushed seeing her and even more so , by talking and engaging in conversation with her . And her perfume , I almost crumbled as my knees and legs were weak like shaking wet noodles , no structure to them . I excused myself to lean on one of the pillars to hide my insecurity at the sight of her . I was nervous and sweat began to form on the notebooks I was holding . For a fleeting instant , I pictured my nervousness as that of Pedro in " Napoleon Dynamite " when he was talking to the entire student body . I don 't know why that popped up in my head . I could also feel sweat beading around the underwire of my bra , which was how flushed I was . The library was cooled from the constant temp of the thermostat , but I was sweating with nervousness . I didn 't ask Annie if she was seeing anyone , but just kept it to a " Hi , how 's are things " type conversation . She looked flustered as if she was having a bad day and a little moisture around her eyes like if she had been crying . It seemed that way to me . She excused herself with " Fine . I gotta go " . I said , " Nice seeing you . Bye . " As soon as Annie left , I had to sit down to calm myself . Running into exes at the most inopportune moments makes me nervous as if they 've broken down all my defenses . I 'm being lazy tonight - - I microwaved a party pizza instead of putting it in the oven . And now the long process of taking notes and excerpts to use in my paper . I put in an application for Wal - Mart since the group home announced that they will be cutting back on people 's hours since there 's not enough clients / residents to take care of . Most of the time I just bring home food from the restaurant and I had to cut my hours working at the group home . Being a starving student sucks major , but my grades are up and steady and that 's all I care about for now . Got an email from Cynthia saying that they 're planning to sell the house at the end of August and asked that I get boxes to pack their stuff and put them in storage . THE ENTIRE HOUSE . My butt 's dragging . Last Sunday , I disagreed with the head waitstaff and I stayed mad . She pissed me off ! I tried to stay calm even during the evening rush but the more I thought about the problem , my attitude towards the problem got worse . Then when Tasha asked me if I was OK because I had this way about me that she could feel even when I was across the room as she was waiting on her customers , I didn 't answer her . She asked again , and I finally said , " Nothing . I 'm not well at all " . I normally don 't let stuff get to me and shake it off , but the head waitstaff - - I won 't name her because she 'll just conjure up bad vibes and make me mad all over again , was rude and offensive . I wanted to punch her in the face . . . but I didn 't . I calmly told management that I needed to check my house and clocked out . I didn 't even go in to work Monday . Actually , I had forgotten that I was on the schedule for Monday . Too stressed . Instead , I spent the day with Chelle and Lisa in Phoenix , doing this indoor rock - climbing thing . I definitely need to lose about ten pounds ! I spent the night at Chelle 's and when I woke up the next morning , she had made some waffles , bacon and eggs and was brewing up coffee . She greeted me warmly . I didn 't tell her but we both know that in any job , a no call - no show is grounds for termination . I 've never done this before . I actually forgot I had to work ! Eeeep ! Lately , there 's two cats thterat I 've seen around the yard that have been hanging around . I don 't like cats . I think they 're nasty . Sure they may be cute when they 're young , but doesn 't everything look cute when they 're young ? I used to house - sit for this lady back in Pensacola and I had to clean out the litter box every three or four days . And then I got to thinking , why do cats need to poop in the house in a litter box ? Can 't they do it outside like four - legged animals ? Even the most pampered dogs use it outdoors . One morning while I was cleaning out the litter box , I went to the kitchen to throw the poop in the trashcan . Then I heard this unfamiliar noise . I had just fed the cats and I knew they had eaten . When I went around the corner by the tv , one of the cats was gagging . I panicked ! But then I stayed calm . And the cat started vomiting the stuff it already ate . I called my client and she said , " Oh its normal . He 's just finicky . Just get tuna next time " . I waited an hour or two to clean it up because the sight of it made me sick . er I thought I could handle a lot of things , but not cats vomiting or coughing up hairballs . I don 't mind them but at the end of the day , I 'd better not be around them . I 'm not going to be cruel to them or anything , but they 're staying outside . I had a friend who cat tore up her furniture while we were in the house . And it was a nice sofa too . All she did was squirt it with a water gun . Seriously ? I guess . Its her furniture . I 'm not feeding those cats either . As far as I 'm concerned , they can eat the squirrels or whatever they can catch . Outside . Posted by Repealing that , would throw the nation in chaos . That 's what I think . Another civil war with the government , but I suck at politics so I 'm not going to go there . And history repeating itself when the Native Americans surrendered their arms to the Union government and look what happened . They all were placed on reservations or had to relocate across miles and miles of inhospitable land . School is going well as it usually does for me in the beginning of the semester . Mom says I need to get a life already and that I should stop floundering about and just graduate . Its not that easy , Mother . I 'm going back to bed . And shutting my phone off . All this money - whoring is wearing me thin and making me lose patience . I 've worked twelve days straight at the restaurant and yes , the money is great , but I 'm worn out . Beat . Dead . Tired . So Chelle asked to come over to talk and visit and I said she was welcome anytime . I like her company . I asked her to rent a steam cleaner before she came up and I 'd pay her back later . She said it wasn 't a problem and that its on her since I 'd done her so many favors in the past . She goes to tell me about the guy she 's seeing and that he 's a real gamer / geek . And he hardly pays her attention . I asked , " then why are you with him ? " " From all the stuff you 've told me before and now , I think you 're not ready for a relationship . Be single for a while till you decided what you want . That 's what I think . " " Yeah . And next time he calls , don 't answer him . Tell him you 're busy at my place . Don 't make yourself too available . Make him want you . Hell , make him want you hard ! " I passed my classes all of them and I pre - enrolled for the spring semester , but I 'm only going to take nine hours . I still work at the small restaurant and the group home is downsizing , so I 'm going to have to look for another job . I really like working at the restaurant - - friendly staff for the most part , no drama .
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Time for a John update . First I wanted to correct something I said in previous entries . I said that the Non Hodgkin 's Lymphoma that John had six years ago caused his Myelodysplasia Cancer . This is not true . Non Hodgkin 's cannot cause Myelodysplasia . But the chemo to get rid of Non Hodgkin 's can cause Myelodysplasia , we found out . So it looks like the thing that saved his life and killed off the first cancer caused the second cancer . Another thing that I said was that John would have to have his bone marrow removed when he had his bone marrow transplant . This is not exactly correct . What is going to happen is that they will destroy the bone marrow chemically . Then they will add somebody else 's marrow into his bones . Sorry for the gorey details above folks , I just didn 't want to be giving you wrong info . Now on to less technical matters . NIH called Tuesday and had a chat with John . After a short period of time they said they were not interested in doing a transplant on him because they are only interested in sibling match bone marrow transplants right now . And since John has no known siblings ( he is adopted ) they were not interested in him . Now John is searching to find which bone marrow transplant treatment center he wants to have his transplant done at . When he decides which one , the center will help him find a donor . This could take anywhere from a few months to three years ( to actually never ) to find a donor . It has been a rough week for me . I have been doing a lot of research trying to help find which place would be the best center . There are also a lot of different kind of transplants . At times I have felt overwhelmed , at times frightened , at times sad , at times my thoughts have just raced and raced . Through it all I have kept my faith and I do have lots of hope and have been very proactive . At one point my hopes were almost dashed when I read that there was only a 20 % survival rate for someone who had a bone marrow transplant who had John 's disease . Then today I found out that there is a 70 - 80 % survival rate . I hope that figure is correct . My emotions are going up and down like they are on a roller coaster . John has been fatigued . He has severe anemia . He sleeps a lot . But he also does a lot of his normal activities . I am very proud of him . He is a real trooper ! If I were him and I was just diagnosed , I might sit on the floor and cry and do nothing for two weeks ! But not him . He does housework , drives me to my appointments ( I can drive but he likes to ! ) , listens to music , reads - all kinds of things he did before he was diagnosed . Bless his heart . He tries to keep a positive attitude . I asked him how he does it and he says by not dwelling on the MDS all the time . I asked him how he did that ( because I certainly am not very good at it right now ! ) , and he said to just do normal activities , and if he catchkrissy knox Sorry . I tried to post the entries for the last Photo Scavenger Hunt but couldn 't do it because I couldn 't access the journals . Too many of the journals were giving me the message : I am SOOOOO tired that I am going to post the entries for the Scavenger Hunt tomorrow ( I will post them sometime Monday ) and the Monday Morning Question sometime tomorrow ( hopefully by Monday afternoon ) . Thank you all for understanding . I have been so very busy , and now am so exhausted . Love ya lots , I wanted to give you all an update on John . John and I went to the Physician 's Assistant and the oncologist today ( Thusday ) . The oncologist decided John should get an appointment with a specialist at NIH in DC to find a bone marrow transplant match . The specialist wants to match John with a relative . We don 't know how this is going to work out as John is adopted . I am feeling a little better today . I am being more proactive . Tomorrow we are going to do something fun . We have two movies that we rented from Holywood Videos . One is " It Could Happen To You " and the other is " What 's Eating Gilbert Grape " . The first one is based on a true story of a man who promises a waitress that if he plays the lottery and wins he will give her the money . And he does ! That should be interesting ! Anything for a laugh ! Tomorrow ( Thursday ) John and I go to the Physician 's Assistant ( she is filling in for his oncologist ) to talk about what comes next in his treatment concerning the Myelodysplasia . Gee , the whole thing seems so daunting and ominous . I feel like from this day forth our lives will never be the same . I KNOW our lives will never be the same . I want to turn back , turn back . But there is no turning back . I want him to get help , but I also want to pretend like none of this is happening , and I just want to turn back the clock . I have been having a rough time these past few days . First I was in shock . Then I became more positive and adjusted and proactive . Now I am slipping some and getting a little depressed . Such a gamut of emotions . I don 't want to be depressed . It really scares me . I see myself staring blankly sometimes , just not wanting to deal with things . Lacking concentration . I just CAN ' T do that , I have to be here to help John get the best care . And I have to take care of myself also . It has also been hard because John has been having complications from the kidney stone operation he had last Friday . And I have had to be by his side 24 / 7 . We have been housebound for most of the time except we went to the park once , and for doctor 's appointments . It is hard to be in the house all the time ! I need to be by his side every second in case he has to go to the Emergency Room . And this could go on for another week or two . Oh well . I should make this something else besides just a health journal . Hmm , let 's see what else is new ? Well , my sister Therese woke up this morning ( Wednesday ) paralyzed from the waist down and was life flighted to a hospital and operated on this morning . I am not sure of her condition . Oops , I guess that is another health situation . Okay , sorry . I just asked John for some good news to put in here . He told me to tell you all that his Mom ( 73 years old ) has moved in with his foster sister Darla and is very happy now ! They are very happy together ! I love life , I really do ! And I love the Lord ! I am hanging in there . Well , lots of love to everyone . I will let you know how the appointment went after I come back from it . How many hours a day on the computer would you consider addiction ? ( Question is from my friend Dan . ) My answer : I would have to say four hours . And I would have to say , unfortunately , that many days I am addicted , lol . How about you ? Posted by Please check these entries out . A lot of work went into them . Sorry I didn 't get mine done this week . I had a lot going on with getting the news about John and all . Also , John had kidney stone surgery on Friday and is having some complications ( I won 't bore you with the details ) and I have had to stay by him every second . So anyway , Lord willing and the creek don 't rise I will participate next week . Until then , happy picture snapping ! I wanted to take the time to thank everyone out there in J - Land for your comments , cyberhugs , emails , and ecards you have sent me . Thank you also for the informative websites you have sent me on Myelodysplasia ( MDS ) . Thanks for the prayers you have offered on John 's and my behalf . Thanks for asking what it takes to be a donor . ( I will be giving more information about that in the future . ) Thanks for telling me I can IM you when I need to . The outpouring of support from J - Landers has been tremendous . There has never been a better group . John and I feel surrounded by such love and support . ( Your outpouring of support actually makes me want to cry . ) And we are more armed with information now . Thanks to you all I have a better perspective today , and don 't feel so off kilter . Even though today was tremendously hard , John and I did something fun just to forget about everything . We played Monopoly ! So life goes on . That is what we are trying to make it do . We need to start doing some normal things again . Have some fun . Hopefully this week we are going to go grilling with my sister Valerie and her daughter Chelsea . And maybe we will take in a movie or something . That sounds like fun ! Not that I have given up researching . I have joined several MDS groups ( I am not slow , lol ) , read allover the net , been conversing with several MDS people by email , chatting with them by IM ( they have been IMing me , lol ) , researching bone marrow transplants and donations , and so much more . I guess that is why I need to do some fun things . A spouse can really get caught up in this stuff and not take any time out for herself / himself . I need to be careful not to do that . But I AM going to do some research for John . I want him to get the best care . I just need to make sure everyday that we are not always focused on MDS and that we have some fun . And I need to slow my pace down , lol . Now that I have some initial information in place I can do that . Okay , back from the oncologist . John doesn 't have Non Hodgkin 's . He has something else . Maybe it 's worse . It has a name . It is called Myelodysplasia . I don 't really understand what it is , I haven 't had time to research it thoroughly yet . It came about as a result of the Non Hodgkin 's I believe . He has chromosome 1 and 7 translocation . It means there is something wrong with his bone marrow . That means he is going to have a bone marrow transplant . Yep , a bone marrow transplant . Within one to three years . If he doesn 't he will die . The problem with a bone marrow transplant ( and I know this is true - because I heard John and the oncologist discussing it ) is that if you reject the bone marrow you definitely die . The patient has all his bone marrow removed to have the donor 's marrow inserted . If he rejects the donor 's marrow , he can 't survive under any circumstances , because he has none of his own marrow left . Just the thought of that is what frightens us the most . And I also read on one website that even if the bone marrow transplant does take , it only kills the Myelodysplasia 60 % of the time . What about the other 40 % of the time ? Okay , so that is the bad news . Yes , I know there are lots of positive things to say . At least I have him for awhile . Maybe the treatment will work and I will have him for a long while . Maybe the transplant will go well and will totally kill the Myelodysplasia . But I am not thinking of everything positive now . I am grieving right now . I don 't want to go through this right now . I will accept it but I don 't like it . Please don 't give me positive platitudes today , lol . There will be lots of time for that later . I don 't want to be encouraged and told everything will be alright ( because how do you know ? ) , I want somebody to give me comfort , lol . Not feel sorry for me , just give me a cyberhug or something , lol . Well , the next step is we will visit NIH , and also try to find a donor . The whole process is going to take one to three years to find a donor , the oncologist thinks . So we are in for a ride * Edit - It is now Oct . 12 , ' 06 , and I have learned a lot since I wrote this entry . So I thought I would clarify a few things . John did end up having something worse than the Non Hodgkin 's Lymphoma ( NHL ) . He had Myelodysplastic Syndrome ( MDS - bone marrow cancer ) , and if not given a bone marrow transplant ( well really a stem cell transplant ) , it would turn into AML ( a type of leukemia ) shortly . Well , he got the stem cell transplant in January of 2006 . It was a success . It took care of the bone marrow cancer . So far . No bone marrow cancer . No leukemia . To date . By the way , it turns out that the cancer WAS a result of the chemo from the NHL cancer . The chemo from the Non Hodgkin 's Lymphoma caused the bone marrow cancer . Crazy , huh ? In the end , John decided to go to Hershey Medical Center for the stem cell transplant . How is John doing now ? He has had major complications since the stem cell transplant . Almost every complication in the book . I guess in the almost nine months since the tramsplant , I would say he has been hospitalized 7 1 / 2 or 8 of those months . In the hospital or day hospital . We have been living in Hershey , PA during that time . So we have been in Hershey more than at home . John 's chances of making it through the first year , we were told , were like 60 to 70 % . He is fighting to be one of those to make it . He has almost died many times . But he is fighting to make it . Right now we are at home , but he is suffering from something called Autoimmune Hemolytic Anemia ( AIHA ) . It is requiring him to get transfused every five days needing two units ( bags ) of red blood cells each time . He gets weak often a few days before needing the blood . He was in the hospital about a month a month and a half ago ( for a month ) , trying to get rid of or slow down the AIHA . He was requiring 7 bags of blood a day at first . He had to be in the intermediary critical care unit for his heart . It was a scary time because we didn 't know if he would live . Right now he only requires blood once every 5 days , but the doctors are checking itOkay , hope I haven 't rambled on too long as usual . Love you all , Krissy : ) * Edit # 2 - It is now May 13 , 2007 . I just wanted to update this entry . John was declared cancer - free on 3 / 29 / 07 . Praise God , His wonders never cease ! This was after a scare , when John 's doctors thought his cancer was back . Instead John 's oncologist found that the bone marrow cancer ( MDS ) and the Non Hodgkin 's Lymphoma ( NHL ) were completely gone ! The oncologist is certain that the cancers are gone , because he did extensive blood and genetic testing . Praise God again , because it appears John 's Hemolytic Anemia ( AIHA ) also seems to be gone . If not totally , than at least for now . I noted that the last time I edited this entry , John was requiring blood every five days . At present he has not had blood since February ! That is three months ago ! John was going to have to have his spleen removed for the AIHA problem but has not had to have it taken out . Maybe he never will have to have that surgery the way things are going ! John is still having some complications from the stem cell transplant . He is neutropenic almost all the time now . Which means his immune system is severely compromised . He could get a serious infection from dust , dirt , mold anda number of other things . They tell us it could kill him , but he has done fine so far . He wears his mask almost all the time . Hmmm , what else . John has kidney problems . 25 % kidney function . If he gets down to 20 % kidney function he will have to be dialysed . He will also qualify for a kidney transplant when he reaches 20 % kidney function . I guess I didn 't mention in the last edit that he got severe kidney disfunction problems while in the hospital . This disfunction came about either due to a medicine he was taking or to Graft Verses Host Disease . He was dialysed in the hospital , and told he would be on permanent dialysis . But he fought his way off dialysis while in the hospital ! He has been told that he will have to be on permanent dialysis ( when he reaches 20 % kidney function ) in 5 to 20 years . He is not looking forward to that , but he is taking one day at a time . Maybe he will never get to the point of needing to be dialysed again . He is on a strict renal diet ( I am making foods that keep the kidney 's healthy ) , and he is doing a great job eating the right things ! I am learning to cook great tasting things from scratch ! Well , that is about it for now . You know how verbose I am , I won 't go on forever ! Except to say what we have learned : God is awesome ! J - landers are our best friends , without them we wouldn 't have made it . Also family . Never give up . Always fight . Always have hope . So tomorrow ( Thursday ) is the big day . The day John will find out if the Non Hodgkin 's Lymphoma has returned . I am going to go with him to his appointment . For some reason I think everything will be fine . I don 't know , maybe I am just numbing myself . But I really don 't think it is back . If it is , I don 't know what I will do . It will hit me like a ton of bricks . I can 't say that I won 't freak out momentarily . Not like throw a crazy fit right there in the oncologist 's office , but like freak out inside . I have had numerous people say " Well , it will be easier for you this time if you find out he has it , because you have been through it before . " What kind of crazy statement is that ? ? ? To think that he is totally over it , only to find it has returned ? How would that be easier ? ? ? To me that is just plain crazy . I know that I would know what would go on in chemo and everything , but I also know he would go through such suffering . I just don 't want either of us to have to go through that kind of suffering right now . Actually , I will accept whatever God allows to happen to us , but I don 't see how cancer will be easier a second time around . Okay , enough said . I am perhaps worrying for nothing , the oncologist might say all is good and well tomorrow . Anyway , when people say things to help you out , they really do mean well , they just don 't know what they are saying sometimes ! So tomorrow I am also going with John to the hospital to get an X - ray taken in preparation for his procedure on Friday to have his kidney stones blasted . Since finding out about the kindney stone procedure I have talked to numerous people who have had relatives who have had the procedure . I don 't know if I mentioned it but they submerge part of you in water and then thump you to break up the stones . They had to do an EKG to make sure his heart was up to par , and take some chest X - rays . That made me a little nervous . But my Mom said that was a good thing because they were being cautious about making sure everything was well before they did the procedure . AnYou know , I am not as concerned about the bruising as I am about John going under anesthesia . It is probably silly but I don 't like it . I have been told that I am silly - that it is common to have general anesthesia , that it happens all the time - but I still don 't like it . I guess it is because I feel vulnerable right now because he is going to get the results on whether or not he has cancer tomorrow . I am perhaps overprotective of him right now . Well , that 's about it . I will let everyone know what the results are from the oncologist after we get back from the appointment tomorrow . Show us something that we don 't already know about you . Do you have pink fuzzy slippers ? A teddy bear collection ? A boyfriend or spouse we don 't know about ? Snap a shot ! Show us something that represents you that we don 't already know . Lest you think I have a green thumb - let me tell you , I didn 't grow any of these flowers ! I have a black thumb and kill everything I grow . These are NOT from my garden ! These flowers are from a garden cultivated by the horticulture department of the college where I live . They grow and maintain the flowers . They even experiment and breed their own . I wish they would give me some tips so I wouldn 't have such a black thumb ! Wow . Today was hot and humid . It was in the 90 's . I just wanted to stay inside all day and do nothing . I did get a lot done though . And tonight John and I rented and watched " The Miracle Worker " . If you have never seen it , I would recommend you see it . It is the story of Helen Keller . I went to group therapy yesterday . I mentioned in a previous entry that there were a couple of people that were monopolizing the whole group . Well , I am really proud of myself . I brought up to the group yesterday that we should be aware of one another 's needs , and not take up excessive time at the expense of others ( a polite way of saying not to monoplize ) . It was taken really well . The fascilitators also decided that in the beginning of each session we would all go around and check in and if we had a pressing issue we would get extra time to speak that session . When it came my turn I told them about John 's test results coming up on June 16 to see if he had cancer . Everyone was stunned . They wondered why I hadn 't mentioned it before . It was because I couldn 't get a word in edgewise , but I didn 't tell them that . At this point they were willing to listen to what was going on in my life . We all had a chance to share . The dynamics of the group totally changed . We even had a topic and problem solving . I think I am going to like this group . We just needed time to sort of allow things to fall into place . Something else that is new is that John has to have shock wave surgery on June 17 to blast away kidney stones . He will be going under general anesthesia . They put part of your body under water . Then they shock you . It leaves bruises on your back and hurts for I don 't know how many days afterwards . Then it takes a few days to pass the pieces of stones . He won 't be able to drive for two days . Anyway , getting the treatment is less painful then trying to pass the stones . He has one that is a half an inch wide . Anyway , enough on that topic for now . I hope that wasn 't too much information ! Assignment : This week we were asked to find an object : something we didn 't know the name of , or something that we didn 't know what it did . Now let 's all go to the journals listed below and guess what these objects are ! ! Leave your guesses in the journaler 's comments section . To get your New First Name : 1 . Take the first 3 letters of your first name . 2 . Add the first 2 letters of your last name . To get your New Last Name : 3 . Take the first 2 letters of your Mom 's maiden name . 4 . Add the first 3 letters of the city you were born in . To get your Star Wars Honorific Title : 1 . Take the last 3 letters of your last name and reverse them . 2 . Add the first 3 letters of the make or model of your first car . 3 . Insert the word " of " 4 . Tack on the name of the last medication you took . Today is my sister Grace 's Birthday . Happy Birthday Gracie ! What can I say about Grace ? She is charming , full of life , lots of fun , and never tires . She has a fine husband and two wonderful children . How she keeps up with everything she does I don 't know . By the way , a name has been chosen for the " Name That Flower " contest . The winner is " Yang Tze " and was submitted by none other than my very own father ! My sister Therese is willing to give away some seeds from other plants she has besides the hybrid ones . If you would like some , please state so in the comments section . I was just talking to John and asked him if he had anything to add to my journal entry . He said that he had an interesting astronomy story to tell that he heard at his astronomy meeting last night . I asked him why he didn 't start his own journal and write about things that interest him . He said he couldn 't do it or he would be working on each journal entry for ten hours a day . Writing journal entries push his perfectionism button . He says he would never get anything else done ! Do any of us get anything else done , lol ? ! ! ! I asked the readers of SIT what the most unique item was in their purse or wallet . The answers are listed below . Now we 'll find the most unique answer among everyone ! Please choose ONE answer , and don 't choose your OWN ! All can play ! Subscribe by Reader Hi , I 'm Krissy . I 'm just your average girl . I love blogging , Twitter , almost all Social Media , digital photography , fundraising to fight cancer , designing and making jewelry , watching Claymation Christmas specials - - just working hard and playing hard ! I also love my husband John , and maine coon cat Michael . But most of all I love Jesus . . .
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Time for a John update . First I wanted to correct something I said in previous entries . I said that the Non Hodgkin 's Lymphoma that John had six years ago caused his Myelodysplasia Cancer . This is not true . Non Hodgkin 's cannot cause Myelodysplasia . But the chemo to get rid of Non Hodgkin 's can cause Myelodysplasia , we found out . So it looks like the thing that saved his life and killed off the first cancer caused the second cancer . Another thing that I said was that John would have to have his bone marrow removed when he had his bone marrow transplant . This is not exactly correct . What is going to happen is that they will destroy the bone marrow chemically . Then they will add somebody else 's marrow into his bones . Sorry for the gorey details above folks , I just didn 't want to be giving you wrong info . Now on to less technical matters . NIH called Tuesday and had a chat with John . After a short period of time they said they were not interested in doing a transplant on him because they are only interested in sibling match bone marrow transplants right now . And since John has no known siblings ( he is adopted ) they were not interested in him . Now John is searching to find which bone marrow transplant treatment center he wants to have his transplant done at . When he decides which one , the center will help him find a donor . This could take anywhere from a few months to three years ( to actually never ) to find a donor . It has been a rough week for me . I have been doing a lot of research trying to help find which place would be the best center . There are also a lot of different kind of transplants . At times I have felt overwhelmed , at times frightened , at times sad , at times my thoughts have just raced and raced . Through it all I have kept my faith and I do have lots of hope and have been very proactive . At one point my hopes were almost dashed when I read that there was only a 20 % survival rate for someone who had a bone marrow transplant who had John 's disease . Then today I found out that there is a 70 - 80 % survival rate . I hope that figure is correct . My emotions are going up and down like they are on a roller coaster . John has been fatigued . He has severe anemia . He sleeps a lot . But he also does a lot of his normal activities . I am very proud of him . He is a real trooper ! If I were him and I was just diagnosed , I might sit on the floor and cry and do nothing for two weeks ! But not him . He does housework , drives me to my appointments ( I can drive but he likes to ! ) , listens to music , reads - all kinds of things he did before he was diagnosed . Bless his heart . He tries to keep a positive attitude . I asked him how he does it and he says by not dwelling on the MDS all the time . I asked him how he did that ( because I certainly am not very good at it right now ! ) , and he said to just do normal activities , and if he catchkrissy knox Sorry . I tried to post the entries for the last Photo Scavenger Hunt but couldn 't do it because I couldn 't access the journals . Too many of the journals were giving me the message : I am SOOOOO tired that I am going to post the entries for the Scavenger Hunt tomorrow ( I will post them sometime Monday ) and the Monday Morning Question sometime tomorrow ( hopefully by Monday afternoon ) . Thank you all for understanding . I have been so very busy , and now am so exhausted . Love ya lots , I wanted to give you all an update on John . John and I went to the Physician 's Assistant and the oncologist today ( Thusday ) . The oncologist decided John should get an appointment with a specialist at NIH in DC to find a bone marrow transplant match . The specialist wants to match John with a relative . We don 't know how this is going to work out as John is adopted . I am feeling a little better today . I am being more proactive . Tomorrow we are going to do something fun . We have two movies that we rented from Holywood Videos . One is " It Could Happen To You " and the other is " What 's Eating Gilbert Grape " . The first one is based on a true story of a man who promises a waitress that if he plays the lottery and wins he will give her the money . And he does ! That should be interesting ! Anything for a laugh ! Tomorrow ( Thursday ) John and I go to the Physician 's Assistant ( she is filling in for his oncologist ) to talk about what comes next in his treatment concerning the Myelodysplasia . Gee , the whole thing seems so daunting and ominous . I feel like from this day forth our lives will never be the same . I KNOW our lives will never be the same . I want to turn back , turn back . But there is no turning back . I want him to get help , but I also want to pretend like none of this is happening , and I just want to turn back the clock . I have been having a rough time these past few days . First I was in shock . Then I became more positive and adjusted and proactive . Now I am slipping some and getting a little depressed . Such a gamut of emotions . I don 't want to be depressed . It really scares me . I see myself staring blankly sometimes , just not wanting to deal with things . Lacking concentration . I just CAN ' T do that , I have to be here to help John get the best care . And I have to take care of myself also . It has also been hard because John has been having complications from the kidney stone operation he had last Friday . And I have had to be by his side 24 / 7 . We have been housebound for most of the time except we went to the park once , and for doctor 's appointments . It is hard to be in the house all the time ! I need to be by his side every second in case he has to go to the Emergency Room . And this could go on for another week or two . Oh well . I should make this something else besides just a health journal . Hmm , let 's see what else is new ? Well , my sister Therese woke up this morning ( Wednesday ) paralyzed from the waist down and was life flighted to a hospital and operated on this morning . I am not sure of her condition . Oops , I guess that is another health situation . Okay , sorry . I just asked John for some good news to put in here . He told me to tell you all that his Mom ( 73 years old ) has moved in with his foster sister Darla and is very happy now ! They are very happy together ! I love life , I really do ! And I love the Lord ! I am hanging in there . Well , lots of love to everyone . I will let you know how the appointment went after I come back from it . How many hours a day on the computer would you consider addiction ? ( Question is from my friend Dan . ) My answer : I would have to say four hours . And I would have to say , unfortunately , that many days I am addicted , lol . How about you ? Posted by Please check these entries out . A lot of work went into them . Sorry I didn 't get mine done this week . I had a lot going on with getting the news about John and all . Also , John had kidney stone surgery on Friday and is having some complications ( I won 't bore you with the details ) and I have had to stay by him every second . So anyway , Lord willing and the creek don 't rise I will participate next week . Until then , happy picture snapping ! I wanted to take the time to thank everyone out there in J - Land for your comments , cyberhugs , emails , and ecards you have sent me . Thank you also for the informative websites you have sent me on Myelodysplasia ( MDS ) . Thanks for the prayers you have offered on John 's and my behalf . Thanks for asking what it takes to be a donor . ( I will be giving more information about that in the future . ) Thanks for telling me I can IM you when I need to . The outpouring of support from J - Landers has been tremendous . There has never been a better group . John and I feel surrounded by such love and support . ( Your outpouring of support actually makes me want to cry . ) And we are more armed with information now . Thanks to you all I have a better perspective today , and don 't feel so off kilter . Even though today was tremendously hard , John and I did something fun just to forget about everything . We played Monopoly ! So life goes on . That is what we are trying to make it do . We need to start doing some normal things again . Have some fun . Hopefully this week we are going to go grilling with my sister Valerie and her daughter Chelsea . And maybe we will take in a movie or something . That sounds like fun ! Not that I have given up researching . I have joined several MDS groups ( I am not slow , lol ) , read allover the net , been conversing with several MDS people by email , chatting with them by IM ( they have been IMing me , lol ) , researching bone marrow transplants and donations , and so much more . I guess that is why I need to do some fun things . A spouse can really get caught up in this stuff and not take any time out for herself / himself . I need to be careful not to do that . But I AM going to do some research for John . I want him to get the best care . I just need to make sure everyday that we are not always focused on MDS and that we have some fun . And I need to slow my pace down , lol . Now that I have some initial information in place I can do that . Okay , back from the oncologist . John doesn 't have Non Hodgkin 's . He has something else . Maybe it 's worse . It has a name . It is called Myelodysplasia . I don 't really understand what it is , I haven 't had time to research it thoroughly yet . It came about as a result of the Non Hodgkin 's I believe . He has chromosome 1 and 7 translocation . It means there is something wrong with his bone marrow . That means he is going to have a bone marrow transplant . Yep , a bone marrow transplant . Within one to three years . If he doesn 't he will die . The problem with a bone marrow transplant ( and I know this is true - because I heard John and the oncologist discussing it ) is that if you reject the bone marrow you definitely die . The patient has all his bone marrow removed to have the donor 's marrow inserted . If he rejects the donor 's marrow , he can 't survive under any circumstances , because he has none of his own marrow left . Just the thought of that is what frightens us the most . And I also read on one website that even if the bone marrow transplant does take , it only kills the Myelodysplasia 60 % of the time . What about the other 40 % of the time ? Okay , so that is the bad news . Yes , I know there are lots of positive things to say . At least I have him for awhile . Maybe the treatment will work and I will have him for a long while . Maybe the transplant will go well and will totally kill the Myelodysplasia . But I am not thinking of everything positive now . I am grieving right now . I don 't want to go through this right now . I will accept it but I don 't like it . Please don 't give me positive platitudes today , lol . There will be lots of time for that later . I don 't want to be encouraged and told everything will be alright ( because how do you know ? ) , I want somebody to give me comfort , lol . Not feel sorry for me , just give me a cyberhug or something , lol . Well , the next step is we will visit NIH , and also try to find a donor . The whole process is going to take one to three years to find a donor , the oncologist thinks . So we are in for a ride * Edit - It is now Oct . 12 , ' 06 , and I have learned a lot since I wrote this entry . So I thought I would clarify a few things . John did end up having something worse than the Non Hodgkin 's Lymphoma ( NHL ) . He had Myelodysplastic Syndrome ( MDS - bone marrow cancer ) , and if not given a bone marrow transplant ( well really a stem cell transplant ) , it would turn into AML ( a type of leukemia ) shortly . Well , he got the stem cell transplant in January of 2006 . It was a success . It took care of the bone marrow cancer . So far . No bone marrow cancer . No leukemia . To date . By the way , it turns out that the cancer WAS a result of the chemo from the NHL cancer . The chemo from the Non Hodgkin 's Lymphoma caused the bone marrow cancer . Crazy , huh ? In the end , John decided to go to Hershey Medical Center for the stem cell transplant . How is John doing now ? He has had major complications since the stem cell transplant . Almost every complication in the book . I guess in the almost nine months since the tramsplant , I would say he has been hospitalized 7 1 / 2 or 8 of those months . In the hospital or day hospital . We have been living in Hershey , PA during that time . So we have been in Hershey more than at home . John 's chances of making it through the first year , we were told , were like 60 to 70 % . He is fighting to be one of those to make it . He has almost died many times . But he is fighting to make it . Right now we are at home , but he is suffering from something called Autoimmune Hemolytic Anemia ( AIHA ) . It is requiring him to get transfused every five days needing two units ( bags ) of red blood cells each time . He gets weak often a few days before needing the blood . He was in the hospital about a month a month and a half ago ( for a month ) , trying to get rid of or slow down the AIHA . He was requiring 7 bags of blood a day at first . He had to be in the intermediary critical care unit for his heart . It was a scary time because we didn 't know if he would live . Right now he only requires blood once every 5 days , but the doctors are checking itOkay , hope I haven 't rambled on too long as usual . Love you all , Krissy : ) * Edit # 2 - It is now May 13 , 2007 . I just wanted to update this entry . John was declared cancer - free on 3 / 29 / 07 . Praise God , His wonders never cease ! This was after a scare , when John 's doctors thought his cancer was back . Instead John 's oncologist found that the bone marrow cancer ( MDS ) and the Non Hodgkin 's Lymphoma ( NHL ) were completely gone ! The oncologist is certain that the cancers are gone , because he did extensive blood and genetic testing . Praise God again , because it appears John 's Hemolytic Anemia ( AIHA ) also seems to be gone . If not totally , than at least for now . I noted that the last time I edited this entry , John was requiring blood every five days . At present he has not had blood since February ! That is three months ago ! John was going to have to have his spleen removed for the AIHA problem but has not had to have it taken out . Maybe he never will have to have that surgery the way things are going ! John is still having some complications from the stem cell transplant . He is neutropenic almost all the time now . Which means his immune system is severely compromised . He could get a serious infection from dust , dirt , mold anda number of other things . They tell us it could kill him , but he has done fine so far . He wears his mask almost all the time . Hmmm , what else . John has kidney problems . 25 % kidney function . If he gets down to 20 % kidney function he will have to be dialysed . He will also qualify for a kidney transplant when he reaches 20 % kidney function . I guess I didn 't mention in the last edit that he got severe kidney disfunction problems while in the hospital . This disfunction came about either due to a medicine he was taking or to Graft Verses Host Disease . He was dialysed in the hospital , and told he would be on permanent dialysis . But he fought his way off dialysis while in the hospital ! He has been told that he will have to be on permanent dialysis ( when he reaches 20 % kidney function ) in 5 to 20 years . He is not looking forward to that , but he is taking one day at a time . Maybe he will never get to the point of needing to be dialysed again . He is on a strict renal diet ( I am making foods that keep the kidney 's healthy ) , and he is doing a great job eating the right things ! I am learning to cook great tasting things from scratch ! Well , that is about it for now . You know how verbose I am , I won 't go on forever ! Except to say what we have learned : God is awesome ! J - landers are our best friends , without them we wouldn 't have made it . Also family . Never give up . Always fight . Always have hope . So tomorrow ( Thursday ) is the big day . The day John will find out if the Non Hodgkin 's Lymphoma has returned . I am going to go with him to his appointment . For some reason I think everything will be fine . I don 't know , maybe I am just numbing myself . But I really don 't think it is back . If it is , I don 't know what I will do . It will hit me like a ton of bricks . I can 't say that I won 't freak out momentarily . Not like throw a crazy fit right there in the oncologist 's office , but like freak out inside . I have had numerous people say " Well , it will be easier for you this time if you find out he has it , because you have been through it before . " What kind of crazy statement is that ? ? ? To think that he is totally over it , only to find it has returned ? How would that be easier ? ? ? To me that is just plain crazy . I know that I would know what would go on in chemo and everything , but I also know he would go through such suffering . I just don 't want either of us to have to go through that kind of suffering right now . Actually , I will accept whatever God allows to happen to us , but I don 't see how cancer will be easier a second time around . Okay , enough said . I am perhaps worrying for nothing , the oncologist might say all is good and well tomorrow . Anyway , when people say things to help you out , they really do mean well , they just don 't know what they are saying sometimes ! So tomorrow I am also going with John to the hospital to get an X - ray taken in preparation for his procedure on Friday to have his kidney stones blasted . Since finding out about the kindney stone procedure I have talked to numerous people who have had relatives who have had the procedure . I don 't know if I mentioned it but they submerge part of you in water and then thump you to break up the stones . They had to do an EKG to make sure his heart was up to par , and take some chest X - rays . That made me a little nervous . But my Mom said that was a good thing because they were being cautious about making sure everything was well before they did the procedure . AnYou know , I am not as concerned about the bruising as I am about John going under anesthesia . It is probably silly but I don 't like it . I have been told that I am silly - that it is common to have general anesthesia , that it happens all the time - but I still don 't like it . I guess it is because I feel vulnerable right now because he is going to get the results on whether or not he has cancer tomorrow . I am perhaps overprotective of him right now . Well , that 's about it . I will let everyone know what the results are from the oncologist after we get back from the appointment tomorrow . Show us something that we don 't already know about you . Do you have pink fuzzy slippers ? A teddy bear collection ? A boyfriend or spouse we don 't know about ? Snap a shot ! Show us something that represents you that we don 't already know . Lest you think I have a green thumb - let me tell you , I didn 't grow any of these flowers ! I have a black thumb and kill everything I grow . These are NOT from my garden ! These flowers are from a garden cultivated by the horticulture department of the college where I live . They grow and maintain the flowers . They even experiment and breed their own . I wish they would give me some tips so I wouldn 't have such a black thumb ! Wow . Today was hot and humid . It was in the 90 's . I just wanted to stay inside all day and do nothing . I did get a lot done though . And tonight John and I rented and watched " The Miracle Worker " . If you have never seen it , I would recommend you see it . It is the story of Helen Keller . I went to group therapy yesterday . I mentioned in a previous entry that there were a couple of people that were monopolizing the whole group . Well , I am really proud of myself . I brought up to the group yesterday that we should be aware of one another 's needs , and not take up excessive time at the expense of others ( a polite way of saying not to monoplize ) . It was taken really well . The fascilitators also decided that in the beginning of each session we would all go around and check in and if we had a pressing issue we would get extra time to speak that session . When it came my turn I told them about John 's test results coming up on June 16 to see if he had cancer . Everyone was stunned . They wondered why I hadn 't mentioned it before . It was because I couldn 't get a word in edgewise , but I didn 't tell them that . At this point they were willing to listen to what was going on in my life . We all had a chance to share . The dynamics of the group totally changed . We even had a topic and problem solving . I think I am going to like this group . We just needed time to sort of allow things to fall into place . Something else that is new is that John has to have shock wave surgery on June 17 to blast away kidney stones . He will be going under general anesthesia . They put part of your body under water . Then they shock you . It leaves bruises on your back and hurts for I don 't know how many days afterwards . Then it takes a few days to pass the pieces of stones . He won 't be able to drive for two days . Anyway , getting the treatment is less painful then trying to pass the stones . He has one that is a half an inch wide . Anyway , enough on that topic for now . I hope that wasn 't too much information ! Assignment : This week we were asked to find an object : something we didn 't know the name of , or something that we didn 't know what it did . Now let 's all go to the journals listed below and guess what these objects are ! ! Leave your guesses in the journaler 's comments section . To get your New First Name : 1 . Take the first 3 letters of your first name . 2 . Add the first 2 letters of your last name . To get your New Last Name : 3 . Take the first 2 letters of your Mom 's maiden name . 4 . Add the first 3 letters of the city you were born in . To get your Star Wars Honorific Title : 1 . Take the last 3 letters of your last name and reverse them . 2 . Add the first 3 letters of the make or model of your first car . 3 . Insert the word " of " 4 . Tack on the name of the last medication you took . Today is my sister Grace 's Birthday . Happy Birthday Gracie ! What can I say about Grace ? She is charming , full of life , lots of fun , and never tires . She has a fine husband and two wonderful children . How she keeps up with everything she does I don 't know . By the way , a name has been chosen for the " Name That Flower " contest . The winner is " Yang Tze " and was submitted by none other than my very own father ! My sister Therese is willing to give away some seeds from other plants she has besides the hybrid ones . If you would like some , please state so in the comments section . I was just talking to John and asked him if he had anything to add to my journal entry . He said that he had an interesting astronomy story to tell that he heard at his astronomy meeting last night . I asked him why he didn 't start his own journal and write about things that interest him . He said he couldn 't do it or he would be working on each journal entry for ten hours a day . Writing journal entries push his perfectionism button . He says he would never get anything else done ! Do any of us get anything else done , lol ? ! ! ! I asked the readers of SIT what the most unique item was in their purse or wallet . The answers are listed below . Now we 'll find the most unique answer among everyone ! Please choose ONE answer , and don 't choose your OWN ! All can play ! Subscribe by Reader Hi , I 'm Krissy . I 'm just your average girl . I love blogging , Twitter , almost all Social Media , digital photography , fundraising to fight cancer , designing and making jewelry , watching Claymation Christmas specials - - just working hard and playing hard ! I also love my husband John , and maine coon cat Michael . But most of all I love Jesus . . .
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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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