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t3_25otyy | jobs | Relaunching Career | Hi All,
I am looking for advice regarding reentry into a career (Accounting). I previously worked for a firm for 4 years and became a CPA.
The problem with this firm was that it did not believe in staff training or career development and the job was dual discipline. Basically you learned the basics and that's about it. Which leaves me behind in my career (qualifications + years worked). I bailed last year when they (in a round about manor) asked me to sign a new contract for minimum wage.
I tried another accounting firm for a while (temp) and explained the dual discipline issue and asked for a low salary compared to 4 years + CPA. Yet the boss, despite paying a low wage and being told about my second discipline, had high expectations. He was also a downright asshole, even though I still broke budgets.
My question is that since my attempt at breaking out of accounting is about to fall apart, how do I approach the subject with my next employer. I don't want to jump back down and apply for uni grad jobs again, but I don't want to have too higher expectations placed on me by an employer.
I want to tell the interviewer to keep the expectations in check as i will keep my wage down. Basically I want to let them know they haven't hit the jackpot of someone highly qualified working for peanuts but at the same time without putting myself down to the point of them going "oh shit, this guy is garbage" and me ending up jobless.
For an idea, I was at that place for 4 years and have the CPA and am looking at jobs that want 1-3yrs no CPA. | Looking to go back into old profession. Previous work did not bother with training. Need to know how to approach this subject with employers without going all the way back to 0 experience grad jobs. |
t3_32f1ls | relationships | Me [21F] with my long distance ex-partner [23M] giving mixed signals that keep me from moving on. Help? | Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I'm a college student currently in my third year and going to school about 450 miles away from home. While I was back in my hometown, I met this guy, we'll call him A. He was a complete stranger who I just started talking to and we clicked really well. We went on a couples of dates and determined that we both really liked each other and would see where it goes even though I had to leave and go back to college. We both stated that we were serious about each other when I left and called it a long distance relationship.
However, things went rocky after a few months and we broke it off. A told me that he loved me, but we could not be together because we both couldn't give each other what we needed and I agreed with him. He said that in the future we could possibly be together once I move back home, but that will be one year from now and I'm unsure how we would both change in that time. We ended on good terms and agreed that we could still be friends but I asked him to give me some space until I'm ready to be only friends.
The thing is that I'm still struggling with my feelings for him. I don't know how to let go and I'm having a hard time trying to get over it. It's been a few weeks but I'm still confused and I don't want to have lingering feelings once I start to be his friend again. I still want him to be in my life, but I'm unsure what to do because I'm not getting over it and coping as well as I thought I would.
I ultimately know that we will both date people in between the year that I'm still in college but I can't help but still want him in my life. I know that as long as I have these feelings for him, I can't talk to him.
But how do I get over him as a romantic partner when there's a chance we could be together in the future? How do you be friends with someone you love, knowing that you might be good for each other in one year but not now? | Dated ex-partner for a few months, broke up due to long distance and says we could work once I move back in one year. I should move on, but I don't know how? |
t3_1kf5nz | cats | Just moved into a new place, and now my cat's acting strange. Advice appreciated! | Hi, Reddit! I'm hoping for some advice...I recently moved from a small two-story home into a one-floor apartment. The apartment is by no means cramped; there's three bedrooms, two bathrooms, with a nice kitchen and living room. After getting her bearings in the new place, my cat's gone from quietly walking around the apartment to running next to/around my legs (almost making me trip!) and generally acting more skittish. She used to love racing me up and down the stairs when she saw I was moving from one floor to the next--is she just looking for a new way to "race"? She's also started looking at my feet/shins like they're some kind of enemies, and will run away from them if she sees me coming, then look back and do the "halloween cat" move with an arched back and ears/tail up, which I have never seen before! | My cat is acting differently after moving into a new place. Will this calm down once we've been settled for a month or two, or should I change something to make her more comfortable? |
t3_1jngtq | relationships | Me [27/m] am uncomfortable with my gf [24/F] getting drunk with male coworkers | My girlfriend and I have been together for 4+ years, and are a week away from moving in with one another. She works as a waitress at a restaurant/popular drinking establishment. She had told me she was invited out for some drinks after work by female coworkers. When she called me at 2:30am, the time she arrived home, she revealed that a few male 'regulars' from work and chefs went with them to another bar.
Now, I try sooo hard not to be jealous. I had no problems with her going out for drinks with her coworkers and the fact that single men are present isn't even what gets to me, but that she has no problem over-drinking when she does. I did voice my concern about this on the phone last night, which I partially regret, and she went immediately into defence mode, and I don't necessarily blame her. The thing that kills me about all of this is, if I were to do the same thing, she would NOT like it, although she said she wouldn't mind last night if I did.
She has lied to me in the past and this includes her cheating on me in our first year together with an ex. I liked her so much, that I managed to get over it (or did i?).
Am I overstepping my boundaries here? | Girlfriend of 4+ years gets drunk at the bar with male coworkers and I am uncomfortable. Am I overreacting? |
t3_3ea9y2 | personalfinance | Multiple Cards linked to Same Credit Card Account | We use our credit card as I primary payment source for all of our monthly expenses (minus some student loans, mortgage, power bill, etc that require a checking account payment). We use this strategy for two reasons: 1. to get as many rewards miles as we can throughout the year (generally gain between $800-$1000/yr in travel credit) 2. It helps balance out expenses throughout the month, we can make necessary purchases and have the whole next month to gather up a lump sum payment (we have paid off the balance every month for the last 4 years using this strategy). This strategy has helped build our credit and we now benefit from credit scores in the 800's due to consistent and responsible credit use.
As such, as I am sure many of you have had to deal with, we have had our card canceled and reissued no less than 4 times in the last two years. 3 times for corporate system fraud prevention - Target, Home Depot, etc - and most recently I had my card skimmed and used by somebody else.
This causes a lot of headache to have to re-enter all of the automatic monthly payments as well as pre-loaded accounts every time our card is reissued.
I just called our credit card company (Capital One) to see if I could get a third card # associated with our account (I have one, and my wife has one) to use for all of the recurring and automatic payments. Last year they at least issued us both different card numbers but they tie back to the same account. This at least helped when one card was compromised, they didn't need to reissue both. They said this was not possible in their system as each card can only be associated with a single SSN under the same account.
Has anybody else tried to get another card number issued to use in this manner? I know there are some up and coming credit card companies ( that are trying to create a unique card number for every retailer you go to. That way you only have to cancel that card number, but not reissue a new card wholesale again.
I am not looking to go that far. I just want to have another number on the account I already own and have worked hard to build credit on. | I want to add another card number that is associated with my existing credit card account to avoid having to jump through hoops every time a corporation gets hacked. |
t3_17g9ov | BreakUps | My now-ex has said one of the most harmful things I have ever heard. I'm done. | 20M with 20F, 8 months in the relationship.
*Repost since my other one got removed for being in the wrong subrreddit(still new to reddit, my bad)
This is a followup to my old [post:](
After having talked with her, it is clear she has never viewed me as a boyfriend, let alone her lover. I have straight up asked her if she ever found me physically attractive, and she has said NO. I think this is the final nail in the coffin; I felt hurt like nothing I have ever felt in this life. My heart feels utterly rejected, and I feel completely unwanted. (I find it ironic **SHE** was the one who asked me to be her bf, that she **NEVER** thought of doing anything sexual with me all this time) I technically broke up with her yesterday, but I was holding on to some last bit of hope that we could work something out together to meet both her needs and my needs.
I do not think we are compatible, and she is in a totally different place in terms of maturity and needs. I think its time to move on. I was able to satisfy her emotional needs, but she still doesn't trust me enough to discuss about sex when she can with her friends.
What last words should I say to her? I am going to break up with her, but I'm not sure exactly what to say since I am totally lost. I don't even know if I can possibly remain on friendly terms with her, she will let me decide that if we do breakup(which I am)
**In the MIRACULOUS case she apologizes and wants to discuss about it(fucking unlikely), what should I do then? My friends think I should give her another chance if and ONLY if she comes around 180 degrees. | Breaking up with my ex OFFICIALLY, don't know what last words to tell her. We promised we would talk to each other one last time. |
t3_28opm5 | jobs | What kind of jobs should I be looking for? Is it worth staying in school to upgrade my degree? | I am an English major just finishing my degree with a minor in Media Arts & Cultures. I am currently being faced with a bit of a dilemma; should I stay in school for an extra year to get a double major (with honours in Media) or would it be best to leave now? I probably would have gone for a double major in Media if I had discovered the faculty earlier in my education. I feel like a part of a community there and I have already started making some connections. If I stay, a professor has offered me a TA position. I have had a fair amount of academic success in the faculty including a high GPA and I recently found out I won a sizeable amount of money for a term paper I submitted in April.
I am at a loss as to what I really want to do after graduation. Would upgrading my degree really get me anywhere/be worth the 6k tuition? Whenever I ask my advisor about potential jobs I get fairly dismissive replies and the standard "our most motivated students do the best moving forward." It would be a lot easier to set goals and prepare for a future career if I knew what my actual options with a media degree would be. Usually I am pointed at creative pursuits such as graphic design, but (in my opinion) getting a college diploma in design would be better.
My work experience has been pretty focused on dealing with customers. I like to call them "answer the phone and smile at the door" positions. I worked as a restaurant hostess for several years and I am currently a (part time, limited responsibility) receptionist at a car dealership.
My skills include:
-Written and verbal communication (English, although I am considering brushing up my French)
-Good with customers in general
-Organization/common office tasks
-Basic understanding of graphic and game design/related industries
-Better math skills than most of my peers, I studied calculus and chemistry as electives.
I am very interested in the gaming industry although it isn't something I have ever considered seriously in terms of potential careers. The game studies/design courses are what first drew me to Media and the paper that was recently recognized was on fostering inclusive gaming communities. | I am an English major/Media minor wondering what jobs I could potentially strive for, and whether or not changing my minor to a double major would be worth it. |
t3_4csvys | Parenting | My wife hit my daughter. She is crushed with guilt. I am unsure of what to do. Does anyone have advice ? | My wife slapped my daughter. My daughter is 10 and has been diagnosed with adhd. She has problems with impulse control and on occaision throws massive tantrums. We didn't know she was different until we had two more children, that do not have these issues.
Anyway , last night my daughter was mid tantrum and she kicked my wife hard. My wife reacted by slapping her hard in the face, causing a bloody nose and some very small bruising around her eye.
My wife is crushed with shame and dread for what she did. After the tantrum, when everyone had removed themselves from the situation and calmed down she spent hours explaining how sorry she was to my daughter. And also explaining why it was wrong and talking about what they could do next time to deal with things better.
After my daughter went to sleep my wife spent the rest of the night crying and beating herself up.
I tried to be supportive, but at the same time I am a little in shock by what happened.
I don't believe there is any history of abuse, and I believe my wife is a wonderful mother and person.
I'm just not sure what to do. My wife wants to report herself to authorities. | My wife hit my daughter. She is crushed with guilt. I am unsure of what to do. Does anyone have advice ? |
t3_2pms8a | tifu | Tifu by listening to rap... | Okay so to start off, let me tell you that Big L is my favorite rapper of all time. If you've never heard of him, I HIGHLY suggest you look him up. Anyway so before I actually begin with the story let me tell you that about a week ago I hooked up with a really beautiful girl I've always had a crush on. So after a few days of getting to know each other a bit better, we went on our first date and everything was so perfect. I learned she liked ACDC a lot, and she learned I loved rap. I didn't state any one person though, so she may have assumed I liked Eminem and/ or Snoop Dogg (which I do.) Everything is going fine and dandy until yesterday. During school I told her she should come over to meet my parents. She called her parents and they were fine with it too. Great right? Wrong. Here comes the tifu. So I got home yesterday and decided to listen to some music before she came over. I plugged in my headphones, the ones that really suppress outside noises, and started singing along to Big L's '98 Freestyle. Well it was getting to the end of the first verse, and my mom let in my girlfriend so we could all talk. They walk in, and since I'm facing away from them I didn't notice either. Right when they walk in I sing the line, "If my girl think I'm loyal then that bitch is a fool." I hear a door slam and I quickly turn around. I see my mom standing there with the most disappointed look I have ever seen. I took out my headphones and asked what the hell just happened. She explained they just walked in to hear me sing that line, and then my girlfriend burst into tears and ran out. Shit. Turns out she left, and now she won't answer my calls or texts. I'll need to show her the song tomorrow at school. Hopefully she'll understand.... Hopefully. | RIP Big L. Also if you haven't heard the song, look up Big L '98 Freestyle on YouTube. You'll know what I'm talking about. |
t3_s2p5r | relationships | I shouldnt be bothered, but i am. Advice? | My gf and i (m/f 20) have been together for about 6 months now.
before we were together she was dating one of my good friends. I was supportive of them and honestly hadnt ever thought of her in a romantic sense (not that she wasnt attractive, but that the idea of dating her simply didnt register at the time.)
They were together for almost a year, were each other's firsts and had alot of experiences together (many of which i have also had and heard about). They broke up, and 2 or 3 months later we started dating.
Our relationship is great. We get along very well, her family and friends like me and we havnt really had any issues at all. We also both continue to be friends with her ex, which is the reason i am posting this.
There are times where i'll come over and she'll be helping him with homework or have invited him to dinner with us (if we happen to be eating together). It's stupid, but it bothers me that they're such good friends. I guess i'm just jealous of what they had even though what we have now seems better.
I have been basically ignoring this feeling due to it's unreasonable-ness and just decided it might be easier to ask reddit what you guys think. | my gf is really good friends with her ex who also happens to be a pretty good friend of mine. I get unreasonably jealous at times. What do? |
t3_vd2in | AskReddit | What can I do with my life? | Ok to make a long story kind of short. Had a crazy ex gf couple of years ago. Stole my car, stalked me, left crazy ass voicemails etc... Now I'm 26 engaged and have a almost 1yr old. Go to get a new family car. Get denied because of unpaid student loans and score of 523. Yes 523. BUT I don't have any student loans. Check credit report I live at 3 different addresses. 2 belong to ex. Do credit reports and call police. Police say I'm S.O.L because she doesn't live there any more. So been couple months and after disputing so many items my score is only 620. Now another problem is recently did some work off of craigslist. Accepted a check like a fucking retard. Fake check and my bank account is emptied losing my savings and and sons christening money. Bank says S.O.L because it was taking out as cash. Cops say they can't find anyone. All this terrible shit and to top it off finally got interviewed for a good job to get out of the inlaws and they are doing a BG check involving credit. So I'm fucked on that. What do I do with my fucking life? I live in a room and everywhere in the house looks like a scene from hoarders so my kid has to go out to crawl or do it in a tiny room. Anything useful. I'm at my wits end. | Ex gf ruined credit, got bank account emptied and the law don't give any fucks. Wtf do I do? |
t3_3bt3g2 | relationships | A girl [18] and I [18] fell in love with while I was overseas in her country. Both of us still very much like each other, but unsure of what to do. | So I was over in Germany for a month as part of an exchange program with my school. On the second day over there I met one of the German students who was hosting, and this was the girl I fell in love with. We talked pretty much all day that day, and for the rest of the month we spent as much time together as we could. When the month was up it was one of the worst feelings of my life, thinking I would never see her again. We still text and talk to each other, and neither of us really want to do anything other than see each other again.
But the problem is we are both students and both of us are going to university later this year. Both of us know in our minds that a long distance thing probably wont work out, but the heart doesn't always listen to the mind right? We will get to see each other for spring break for when they come over here on the exchange, and that may be the last time we can 100% see each other again unless one of us goes overseas on their own. | Met a girl overseas, both of us still very much in love, but don't know if a long distance relationship would work out. Wat do? |
t3_30vrpu | relationships | Me [20/F] with my boyfriend [20/M] 2 years, tattoo vs relationship | My boyfriend of two years does not like tattoos. He thinks they are unattractive. I have a small tattoo on my wrist which I got just before I met him. He does not have a problem with it.
I've been through a lot of emotional things and in and out of a few psychiatric hospitals and I've been clean for 1 and half years and sober for about 1 year and 2 months (horray me). There's been this quote, "destroy what destroys you" that was told to me by a nurse one of the first times I went to the hospital. It's stuck with me for years and I believe it has helped me get through everything. Before I even met my boyfriend, I planned to get this written in cursive on my rib cage and it would be small. Now that I have saved up some money and feel like I really deserve it, I am ready to get it done.
But, my boyfriend completely despises the idea (even with the reason behind it) and said that he may not find me attractive anymore if I get it. He really is a caring and sweet man and I honestly can see us getting married in a few years. He refuses to even let me discuss the tattoo with him anymore and it's beyond frustrating. And as a psych major, trust me I've tried every trick in the book. I just don't know what to do.
And please do not question if I really want the tattoo or not. I am well aware that it is permanent and will be on my body forever. | I love my boyfriend but I really also desire a tattoo with a lot of meaning but my boyfriend highly discourages it and says it may put our relationship on the line. Help! |
t3_2bi484 | cats | At my wits end with my cat waking up the baby! Help! | I'm sorry if not posting in the correct sub but I'm in need of some help with my older cat.
My 1 year old is constantly getting woken up by the cats constant meowing in the early morning. I know that a lot of it is learned behavior because he will stand right in front of the baby's door and meow very loud because that is when I will get up. If I put him out or he is already out then he will start scratching at the side door around 5/6. This doesn't wake up the baby but he leaves marks on the door and keeps me awake.
When I finally let him in (after trying to ignore for about 30 minutes) he wants fresh food, some fresh running water then to be let back out about 30 minutes later.
So if I try to ignore the cat my baby gets woken up at 6 when he normally doesn't wake up until 8. When I get up and tend to the cat it keeps me up for at least a half an hour then when baby wakes I'm usually in the middle of a sleep cycle and wake up feeling extremely tired and angry at the world. The cat is older and sleeps the entire day too! Why can't he just eat later on?
What should I do?? | how can I retrain my cat to not meow and wake us up at 6 a.m. Without ignoring the behavior? |
t3_4td14s | relationships | My [21/M] crush [22/F] is leaving in two weeks. Should I do/say anything? | My crush and I have been friends for about 6 months. We are part of a group of about 10 people who all hang out. Over the past month I've developed a big crush on her which is when we started hanging out just the two of us more than we ever had. We have a lot in common but she's a flirty person (touching, calling people romantic names when there's no romance) so it's hard to tell sometimes if she's even interested in me in a romantic way.
The other day me, her, and our friend (her best friend) went out together. We were driving and her best friend (who had a few to drink) brings up a few separate times about how me and my crush should date. They both were talking about how I was "boyfriend goals" and "husband goals" but it's just confusing trying to tell if my crush is actually interested in me.
She is leaving in two weeks to start law school, which is about an hour away from where we live. So I have a few things to consider before acting on my feelings. If I get shut down, things could be awkward between us and our friends. She may not want to do a LDR even if it's only an hour away. With law school she may not even have time for a new relationship, at least until she gets into the swing of things.
If she wasn't a friend, I would have asked her out by now. But I feel like there's a lot to lose if things don't go the way I want. I don't even want to tell any of my friends in that group about my feelings in case it gets around (girls love to gossip in our group). As somebody who doesn't make friends easily, my current friends are really important to me. I have considered talking to her best friend but I don't trust that she wouldn't tell my crush about my feelings.
I can also let her move and see if I still feel the same way after a month or two. She's already asked me and her best friend to visit her often so it's not like I won't be seeing her until the end of the semester. | Have a crush on one of my friends. She's leaving for school in two weeks. Should I tell her my feelings and risk losing her friendship or wait and see how things play out? |
t3_2n5h4p | needadvice | 28 Y.O. Want more than just a "job". | G'Day reddit.
I'm 28 years old with a wife and 8 month old. I do ok in my job ATM. Manage a night shift for a strong company. The company I work for is expanding and looking like it will with the housing boom going on (house framing/structural timber). I feel like I'm at the limit of this company and I'll be stuck in a "job" forever.
I have a family and mortgage. I have been offered a position as a real estate agent. I have never done sales but I tend to get along with people and seem to influence groups fairly well. No idea if that will help in real estate but I'm sure it will not hurt.
It is a big risk changing but the reward could be major. If the harder I work the more I get paid I will back myself.
My partner is worried that I will fail and we will lose everything. This is a possibility but I'm not a negative thinker.
Should I just risk it and go for it (will be working current job and do courses and then part time work as an agent to see how I go before full time). The person that wants me to work for them is our financial advisor so he knows what I need to earn to take the job, which is a lot more then base "1st" year wage and he is happy to pay it.
So. I need advice reddit. Cheers. | 28 with family and mortgage wanting to risk an entire career change w/ possible loss of everything if does not work out. |
t3_1sex18 | AskReddit | Visual artists: How did you get your mojo back? | I used to carry a sketchbook with me everywhere. I got so much out of drawing and painting; I loved to make comics and come up with crazy character designs.
I got very depressed after graduating college and feeling like I didn't learn anything about art and craftsmanship there. That was over five years ago. Every few months, I break out a sketchbook and try to draw, but it's almost physically painful. I get anxious as soon as I put pencil to paper and all sorts of doubts fly into my head. "Why am I even doing this?" "What is the point?" "What should I even draw?" "There are so many other more important things I should be doing right now." "Not only have I failed to improve in the past five years, I'm actively worse than I was when I finished school." "Everything I draw looks exactly the same."
Intellectually I *know* that these doubts and anxieties are bullshit, but they're so stressful that I'm too intimidated to open the sketchbook again for days or weeks at a time.
Have any of you gone through something like this? Can you help me get over the biggest case of artist's block I've ever experienced? I want to enjoy art again, not fear and avoid it. | I have a complex over the meaninglessness of my own artwork and the creative constipation is making me so depressed. How do I get over myself and start drawing & painting regularly again? |
t3_4umawv | relationships | Me [20 M] with my ex-GF [20 F] 1.5yrs, issues sleeping with other women | I have a strong desire to have sex with my ex-GF (or at least I think so) but we can't due to her religion. Has caused great deal many issues between us.
We were on an off period where I had sex with another woman (my virginity). It just wasn't enjoyable...I really felt no desire to put my dick in her. I got more out of cuddling naked and spanking than PIV.
I am worried that I do not enjoy sex (asexual) or that I am only attracted to my ex-GF (and some porn).
ex-GF and I are in another off period, I have met another girl on Tinder. I'm looking forward to the date, but I'm worried about sex... | I fear that I am only sexually attracted to my ex (unverifiable as we never had sex) or that I am asexual. |
t3_1lq36g | relationships | I (18m) am considering whether to ask out a friend (18f) on a date, again. After being rejected the first time. | So here's my situation summarized as quickly as possible. I asked her out about 4 weeks ago. She said 'No', and used the phrase I don't want to 'date at the moment' twice. Now I'm not totally blinded, and well aware this is an easy way of letting someone down, especially a friend.
However at the time of asking her out she was only about 3-4 months out of a 2 year relationship (mutual friends reckoned she still wasn't over it), and planned to go to university this month.
Since then we've seen each other twice I think, and she isn't going to university anymore (didn't get required grades). On both times stuff seemed pretty normal, which I assume is because neither of us want to make it awkward. I sort of think now though that maybe she isn't totally uninterested in me romantically.There are small signs anyway. Last time i saw her i got a hug goodbye for example, not crazy sexual i know but something that's not happened before.
As I'm typing this its beginning to dawn on me how I'm probably reading into nothing, so my question for you guys would be, "Is it sensible for me to ask her out again, or at least ask her if she's interested in a relationship?" I don't want too ruin a friendship, but i also don't want to sit here wondering if something could happen because I didn't get a firm 'No' from her. We get on really well, and i don't think it came down to looks or anything like that, so that's why i was a tiny bit surprised at being turned down the first time. | Asked out friend who said no due possibly to external circumstances, which have since changed, do i risk asking her out again? |
t3_4pj6h8 | tifu | TIFU By trusting my new employer | I'm kind of a trusting, naive person, this story is a perfect example of that. I'd also like to mention I'm keeping some details intentionally vague, as I don't want people to figure out it's me.
So recently I've been looking for a new job, with a bit less than two years of experience in the IT field this shouldn't be a problem. I send out resumes, and eventually I get a response from someone in a field I'd love to get into. We talk for a bit, I mention how I'm still a student and that I need to do an internship as a requirement for my school, but I've been working almost two years in the field already, he then tells me how some people working for him doing basic stuff get about 8k/month (about 3k/month more than I was getting before I quit), so I start thinking "I get to learn AND get payed to enter a field I've been wanting to break into for ages! This is AWESOME!"
Fast forward a couple of weeks, I've already quit my former job, and have been at it a couple days when I realize... I haven't asked my new employer how much I'm gonna get payed, fuck!
So I talk to him:
-"Hey, how much am I going to get payed?"
-"800 a month"
-"As a trial?"
-"Well, we'll see how much I can get from your work once I sell it"
-"Emmm... ok?"
And now I'm feeling like a fucking moron. I got a job offer from a bank I sent out a resume to this morning, unfortunately this is the last week to put in the paperwork for my mandatory internship. FML. | Ask how much you're getting payed before you accept, even if they should pay you more or everybody in the company gets more. |
t3_2tlure | relationships | My [29m] gf's [26f] promiscuous past, together 1 year | About a year ago, a friend introduced me to his wife's friend, and we hit it off. I'm 29 now, and she's 26. We dated, things went extremely well, and things have progressed to the point where we are both extremely happy and have been considering moving in together this summer when our leases end. All in all, a very normal, healthy, mutually respectful relationship that makes us both very happy.
A few weeks ago, however, she dropped a bomb on me. She told me that when she was in college she was pretty casual about relationships. When I asked what that meant, she told me that she had probably been with about 35 guys. I was floored. I had always assumed she had a typical dating past, and that she was a nice girl. She assured me that she had completely changed after college, but I still have no idea how to process this information. I'm pretty sure that if I knew this from the start, I never would have given her a chance. Needless to say, I'm really weirded out.
This is a woman who, until two weeks ago, I could easily have seen myself marrying. She's been so incredibly great to me, but now I don't know who I'm dating. I would love to get past this and go back to feeling the way I used to, but I don't know if that's possible. I'm also afraid that if I end it over this, it'll be the biggest regret of my life. She makes me so happy and it's probably the best relationship of my life, but I'm now seeing her as damaged goods. I try to rationalize why her number isn't that crazy or out of whack, but then I snap back into it and remember that I don't know a single woman who did anything remotely like that in college. This is just foreign to me. | 1 year relationship with a woman I could see myself marrying, she recently revealed to me the she had a promiscuous past, I'm bothered by it. Where to go from here? Need advice. |
t3_4ts1h0 | relationships | Me [26M] with my SO/Girlfriend/etc [23F] of 3 years, can I get some advice on what to call my relationship to people we meet? | Hi Guys,
Simple question really, I'm trying to decide what to call my relationship when meeting people (and to family and friends) and am looking for some advice from the community.
Well, we started off calling each other 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend', obviously. However, in the past year or so we'e a passed a few major milestones together like moving to a new city together and buying a house together. Things are going pretty well. Since we've been through some relatively major milestones, we've talked about what would happen if we hit any major snags in our relationship or stopped getting along, and we both agree that we'd try to put effort in to make it work rather than break up. If things were bad enough for long enough we might separate, but both agree that we'd try stuff like therapy, etc before resorting to that. We've talked about marriage, and we'll likely get married eventually, but right now I'm working on my PhD so I don't have enough money (or time) to have a wedding for at least 4 years.
Now, this is where I'm struggling to decide what to call our relationship to people when I meet them:
If I call her my "Girlfriend", it seems too casual and people look at us funny for having bought a house together.
We don't want to get engaged and call each other "fiance", as we won't be able to get married for several years and neither of us want to be that couple that's engaged for half a decade.
"Significant Other" fits OK, but seems vague and overly formal.
"Life partner" makes it sound like I'm gay (not that there's any problem with that, just don't want to give people the wrong idea)
Does reddit have any other advice? | I need a relationship descriptor that's more serious than 'girlfriend' but to someone I'm not engaged/married to. |
t3_43cman | relationships | Advice for working opposite schedules | I'll try to keep this as concise as possible. I met my fiancée working at a night shift job for a very popular foreign auto manufacturer. Our relationship has moved rather quickly, but that happens from time to time when you believe you've found the one. I'm 29 and she is 30 with 2 children, 5 and 7.
Some time down the road, I was let go from the job after 3 years. I hit absolute rock bottom as it was somewhere I planned on retiring and the reason for my termination was sketchy as hell. Unfortunately, that job was pretty crucial for our relationship moving as quickly as it did. I had moved in with her. We rode to and from work together. We went to the gym together and, of course, we slept at the same time.
Today, I received the call that I was pushed through for my 3rd and final interview for a logistics company. The hours are literally the exact opposite of what she works. We had previously discussed this possibility and, while it scares us, I am confident we will make it until our schedules align once again. Well, everything was perfect this afternoon between us. Then I received the call and told her they are bringing me in and I will likely get the job (great referrals, relevant degree and experience). Her mood changed immediately. She is obviously happy for me, as I have been unemployed for 3 months now. But her fears came to life and she broke down.
I tried comforting and reassuring her that we will make it. This is not our first hurdle. Trust me when I say, we have been through a lot in a short time. But there has been no betrayal, cheating or lying...she is absolutely convinced I will find someone else and move on from her. This is not even a remote possibility to me but she was extremely worried and visibly upset when she left for work. Does anyone have ANY good advice as to how I can break her from this fear and how we can make this work? | fiancée and I met at job (night shift). I was fired and will be likely beginning day shift job soon. She is very doubtful we will survive this difference. |
t3_3osziv | personalfinance | Defaulting on Unsecured Debt - HALP! | **Preface:** Please, no judge-y comments. I'm not at all interested in the morality of this issue, so if you're offended by this question, then simply move on.
**Background:** Ok, so let's get to it. It's the classic story: graduated college, got my first big-boy job, and applied for several CC's. After the dust settled, I had racked up about $13K in unsecured CC debt, and... drum roll, please... I'm contemplating just not paying it! I've already missed several payments due to poor financial management skills (the same ones that created this mountain of 25%-APR-CC debt). However, none of them have been for over 90 days, so it's not too late to turn back. I've since reformed said habits and am debating putting those minimum payments (~$500/month) towards building my net worth and defaulting on the CC debt. So I've been conducting a bit of research into what the ramifications would be, and have a few questions:
**Questions:**
1. Once it goes to collections, how long should I wait until I offer them a portion of the debt (I've heard 25%) in exchange for them deleting the account from my credit report?
2. If it's removed from my credit report, how much damage will have been done? How long until my credit score recovers? Am I correct in assuming that the missed payments will still be there? Or does removing the account remove all negative events associated with it?
3. Are there any negative consequences that I'm not considering? Why don't more people do this? I know my credit score will take a hit (it already has), but I'm thinking it won't be that big of a deal. If I won't be making any large purchases that'll need financing in the near future (just bought my first house and a new car), what do you think about my plan? | Racked up significant CC debt. Got smart. Contemplating defaulting, then having account removed after it goes to collections and putting that money into savings. |
t3_2uyrp9 | tifu | TIFU by getting a CT scan (NSFW) | I've been having stomach problems for over a year. I've gone to the doctor quite a few times but today was my first CT scan to see what was going on. For those of you who have never had a CT scan of the stomach, it isn't a pleasant experience. I had to stop eating and drinking all liquids (including water) at 10 am.
Once I got to the hospital and was in the waiting room, a nurse brought out three giant containers of liquid. There were times written on the top: "Drink me at 2:20, Drink me at 2:35, and Drink me at 2:50." They were each 450 mL. The purpose of drinking these contrasts was so that my stomach was more visible under the scan.
The first went down pretty well, although it tasted like battery acid. After not having anything to eat or drink for about 4 hours, anything sounded good to me. The second one was easy, until about halfway through when I could feel the chemical substance start to fill my stomach. The third one was basically impossible. My stomach was so full and I couldn't get the stench of battery acid out of my nose.
The CT scan went fine and I was on my way home when my stomach starts to grumble. They gave me water and a granola bar after the procedure so I was feeling a bit better. But this wasn't a normal stomach growl... this was one of those growls that you knew was going to lead to a satisfying, grown-ass man, full-blown fart.
I'm on the high way going back home and this fart is going to save me. Just as I let this massive monster rip, I hear a blood curdling liquid expel itself from my butthole. Oh... oh no. Oh god... Did I... Did I just? I slowly reach my hand around the back side of my pants. Wet. I shit the contrast all over myself. I sat with my shitty pants all the way home, too embarrassed to get out and see if you could see it through the back of my pants. Needless to say, fuck CT scans. | drank 1350mL of contrast for a CT scan on my stomach, ended up shitting liquid on the way home. |
t3_1n00sr | dating_advice | I'm a 20/f and I wanted to ask out my coworker [21/m]. Turns out he quit, should I still pursue him? | So I've [20/f] been working at this place for about a month and started really crushing on one of my coworkers [21/m]. Whenever we'd start talking to each other we usually had a lot of similar interests and got along pretty well. I haven't dated in a few years and just moved back in with my parents after living about 5 hours away, it's nice to finally have a interest in someone but I don't know how to pursue it. I was talking to a few different coworkers about dating and they hinted that he's single, but for some reason I acted like I wasn't interested (which I wanted to slap myself for later!). When I came into work today I was excited to have a long shift with him, but it turns out that he just quit! I was actually trying to work up the nerve to ask him out this week but now I'm pretty upset that he's gone. Should I ask around at work if I should text him? Should I just let it go? This was the first time in years I felt ready to date and now I'm a little hurt that I lost my chance with this guy! To make the situation a little weirder, he quit because of a fight with the manager, who happens to be my brother. I honestly don't want to get involved in that drama, but I don't know if that will make dating him totally out of the question. I guess I'm really hung up on this guy because I haven't had a crush on anyone in a long time and I really want to finally date someone. I thought this was a perfect opportunity but now I don't know if I should go for it. I have his number (from a list at work) but I don't know if it would be appropriate to text him. | Have a crush on coworker, working up the courage to ask him out. Come into work to find out he quit! Should I still pursue it? |
t3_1czqz7 | tifu | TIFU By fratting too hard at a hotel | So we were in Chicago for a Model UN conference (college). On the first night, my friend and I ate a bunch of edibles, and then invited the delegation into our room for drinks (mind you, the hotel has a strict no alcohol policy). We then proceed to receive noise complaint after noise complaint, until the hotel night manager decides she's had enough and brings a security guard up to our room. She then starts pounding on the door, at which my my friend and I answer the door. We then proceed to ask her what the matter is, and she says that we're about to be evicted from the hotel. When I go to answer, she cuts in and asks if I'm intoxicated. I say no, just pretty drunk. But then I tell her that I came from a bar, and that it's not against policy to be drunk (all the while, I'm holding a slurpee that is about 30% vodka). My friend then diverts the conversation, but the manager insists that we are being far to loud and that we need to stop immediately. I then inform the manager that "I have it under control, I'm in a frat!" She then has no words, and says that we have to go to sleep immediately, and that one more noise complaint and we will be kicked out immediately. Also, she gives us a fine for $250, the cost of reimbursing this Russian lady down the hall who had been filing all of the noise complaints. | Hotel manager tells me that I'm being too loud, I tell her it's ok, I'm in a frat |
t3_2ky81o | relationships | Our life or a life we share? | Boyfriend (27m) and I (26f) have been together 2.5 years. We jumped in with both feet and got serious pretty quickly. We love each other :) and started talking marriage pretty early on.
I envision a special relationship with my husband. An us against the world kind of thing. I want to understand him on a level that no one else does and visa versa.
As it stands, I feel like my relationship with my boyfriend is not at this level. I have been trying to get there but it just always seems to come back to the same thing. He lives his life and I get to participate.
I'm trying to be real with myself at this point and there are definitely moments where I feel so loved and considered but I never feel like I'm part of a team.
Am I convincing myself I need something that I really don't? Is this me freaking out about marriage and over analyzing everything?
Help! Looking for advise, perspective, and even just an outside opinion of the situation. | boyfriend (27m) and I (26f) are talking marriage after 2.5 yrs. Am I looking at a life we build together or should I expect to be just a participant forever? |
t3_4p6f84 | relationships | Me [31M] with my sorta-SO [30F] of 6 months, SO flipped out when I was approached by a female at a bar, doesn't trust me to be committed. | I have been dating a great girl for 6 months now and she desperately wants me to take the plunge and tag our relationship as serious and exclusive. Trouble is, she has a paper-thin ego that crashes down each time something goes wrong.
Example: Last week after our kickball game (we're on a team together) a girl approached our group at the bar our team likes to go to after a game asking why we were all dressed alike. It was pointed out that I was the head coach. Later in the evening the random girl hollered at me from across the bar. I said I'd be right back to find out what she wanted - I assumed it was in line with her questioning earlier about our team/league/registering/etc. My sorta-SO flipped out that I would even THINK to go talk to another female at a bar. So I did not budge and never went over.
Now, I recognize in hindsight that yes, a girl hollering for a guy to come talk to her at a bar probably means she was interested in some fashion. However, I did not get the opportunity to find out what she wanted nor the chance to tell her "no thanks, I'm with someone, but happy to answer a question/comment."
My sorta-SO cannot fathom why I would even entertain the idea. I'm angry because I'm being demonized for something I ultimately did not do. I feel like I should be able to talk to whomever I wish, so long as it is innocent and made clear up front that I am in a monogamous relationship. I have never cheated on an SO, yet have been cheated on, so I know the pain and wouldn't do that to anyone.
This has created a huge issue for us because now she doesn't know if she can trust me in any social situation. Is there merit to her case or is she blowing this out of proportion? | sorta-SO[F] of 6 mo. flipped out when I was approached by a female in a social situation, doesn't trust me to be monogamous. |
t3_r5l52 | relationships | Reconnecting with Family. Need opinions. | So here is a bit of a background......I am trying to be as brief as possible
Father came here from the DR, very hard worker, good family man. Older cousin comes here shows father "fast life", ruins marriage with my mom, and subsequently I haven't seen or heard from my father in 16 years. I am 29.
I started working for a new firm, so if you google my name, it will come up. Early this week I get a phone call from my cousin, (whom I have never met/don't remember). Then my Aunt (fathers sister) calls me. Oh blah blah blah, we have been trying to find you we miss you we want to reconnect. Whatever shitty things my father did/does, his sisters/mother never were involved and were always generally great to me.
We fell out of touch for whatever reasons, I was a kid, and I just kinda troopered on. Went to private school, went away to college, law school etc....
They want to reconnect but it is giving my mom. My mom and I were pretty much alone growing up. She worked VERY hard to give me a great life. Elite private school, Ivy League education. Personal trainers for football/nutrition b/c i was an athlete. Pretty much I had an amazing childhood, never needed for anything.
My mom is resentful they never contacted me all these years, and since I am getting married is somewhat reluctant for them to be able to "enjoy" my wedding since they werent around. Also, she is worried that if I reconnect with them, I may reconnect with my father and throw away things I and she have worked for to live in "the fast lane." My mother is worried that they may be a) looking for somehting b) worries my dad might try to lure me into his lifestyle. This is giving my mom anxiety and I was wondering how reddit would approach this situation.
My intent is this, to see my dads side of the family, reconnect but be cautious and not hasty and we will see how the relationship develops over the next year (when I am getting married). They were pretty good to me during my childhood, and have good memories of that side of the family. | Fathers side of the family is reconnecting. Mom is reluctant because father is gigantic POS and I havent spoken to him in almost 20 years. |
t3_2rgczj | relationships | GF (29F) and I (28M) broke up after close to two years. The pain gets easier. | This is a confession. The breakup was my fault, due to the fact that I was hiding my weed consumption from her. Trying to lead the double-life led to me losing my temper, frequently. She is/was an amazing woman, and I love her very much. But I didn't fix myself in time. My warning is this: don't let go of someone you love, just because you like getting high. Weed comes and goes. Love can change your life forever. I may never get another chance with her, but I am leaving my poor habits in the past, so that I never ruin something so great ever again.
If you're going through a breakup and feel like it's your fault, keep your head up and lean into the pain. You may not get back what you want, but you will get better. The pain will fade.
Anyone else with a similar experience/view on the matter? | Lost a great girl because of inability to sacrifice childish habits and temper. The pain of loss is the best teacher. Thoughts? |
t3_4jjwdg | relationship_advice | [30/M]How do you know it's over? | I've been in a relationship with [31/M] for almost 5 years. And recently, my eyes have have been opened to several things - red flags in my mind if you will.
You see, recently we had just come back from a trip where we were visiting a friend of mine and after we came back, my friend told me he was worried about us. I sat my boyfriend down and asked him in all seriousness if he was happy. He said, "In all honesty? No. I'm in constant pain, always depressed, just...I can't get any pleasure or happiness out of anything." Then I asked if that included myself. His response: "...I don't have an answer for you that you deserve."
What upsets me is that...I don't know if I'm happy, either. I can tolerate the laziness (he doesn't clean, do laundry, or cook (unless he's hungry, then he only cooks for himself)), but he's taken the liberty of just grabbing my debit card out of my wallet for a day or two without telling me (This is the second time it's happened and after the first time I told him he had to ask me first, otherwise it's not okay), spent my money on things I didn't approve of (Around Christmas, he went to get a present for his father, came back with presents for four other people), and is incredibly insensitive to my requests and comfort level (He will grab me in public after I repeatedly tell him not to).
I love him. I absolutely do. I just...don't know if he loves me or the things I do for him. Because it honestly doesn't feel like he cares about me and there have been several times when I just want to up and leave, but then I look into his eyes and this feeling washes over me...I feel like I'm stuck and I don't know how to proceed. | My partner is unhappy with life in general and I have a few days when I'm happy and a lot of days when I'm not. When is a relationship a bad one? |
t3_2kg7st | relationships | I [28 M] am mortified of telling my wife [28 F] I don't love her anymore | Our marriage has many problems, some of them are very big. I think I want to divorce her, although I haven't made up my mind 100% yet. It would definitely get easier for me, financially and otherwise.
We've talked about the problems, and I tried to show her why I think our marriage isn't working anymore, and there's a very little chance it ever will. Her counterargument is that we love each other, and that it means we'll work through all the issues. She says that when you have a strong love, you will do anything and everything to make each other happy.
I don't think this is true for all marriages, but she might be right in our case. Almost anything is solvable if you put enough effort into it.
The problem is, I don't think I have love for her anymore. With all the problems we've had, with breaches of trust from both sides... I think I lost my feelings towards her many months ago, and felt like this ever since. But I am so afraid to tell her! She will be so heartbroken. Also, I feel really shitty, because I'm "supposed" to love her! We have always been the ideal couple for all of our friends. Despite all the problems, I still can see she loves me very much. And she is a good person, so I wouldn't want to hurt her. I still care about her.
I don't really know what to do and how to approach this. | Our marriage is broken, wife wants to work on it, and still loves me a lot. I don't think I love her anymore, but am mortified of telling her. |
t3_y4r4c | AskReddit | Roommate called me and said he busted MY window in my room because he locked himself out. I'm stuck in Maryland and can't do anything about it. What are some shitty roommate/seriously wtf moments that have happend to you? | I know this one gets posted a lot but I am just stunned that someone would do that.
Roommate broke my window and picked my lock to get in the apartment. He said my room was easier because the bed was in the way of the widow. Right now my window is smashed glass covering my bed, all in my clothes hamper and littered on the floor. I called him and asked what my window looked like he said taped it up. So pretty much my $3000 TV, $1500 comp and my life are being kept together with duct tape. | roommate broke my widow into my room because he locked himself out and duck taped my window closed and won't clean it up. |
t3_3vz1ir | relationships | Me [23F] with my new boyfriend [32M] acts condescending about my mental health issues. | We've been together for just about a month now. Recently I've been suffering from some very serious depression and it's gotten to the point where I've started telling important people in my life and trying to seek professional help.
Well when I try to talk to my boyfriend about it he says things that make me feel worse like "All girls have emotional issues, you'll be fine" and shooting me down when I talk about getting on anti-depressants, saying it's all bullshit anyway.
He's somewhat a hippie type and is big into alternative medicine and natural remedies.
I feel really hurt when he downplays something that I really struggle every day with, especially when it takes a tremendous amount of courage for me to even talk to anyone about it in the first place.
Is it worth trying to make him understand? | New boyfriend isn't supportive of my efforts to seek mental health help. Downplays my depression as just being an emotional girl. What should I do? |
t3_vowln | relationships | I am convinced my boyfriend is in love with his ex | 21F (me), 23M (him), 2 year relationship. My boyfriend and I have our share of problems, but I have recently come to terms with the fact that this is the root of all of them.
He knows I think this, and he does his best to assure me that it's not true. He doesn't talk to her as far as I know. She cheated on him or something. In other words, I don't reeeally have any reason to think this. But for some reason I am completely convinced they belong together, and I make a big deal about every little piece of evidence I can find to support this theory in my mind. I'll admit that I think it comes from my jealously that he lived with her and took her on a fancy vacation when they were together, which is not the case with us. Note: He is my first "serious" relationship, I have never lived with anyone.
I know this is really really silly of me, but it's tearing our otherwise awesome relationship apart! I will refuse to talk about moving in together or getting married (some day) when he brings it up. Please help me reddit, I need someone besides him to tell me this is insane. | I have decided that my awesome boyfriend would be happier with his ex, and he can't convince me otherwise. Our relationship is at a standstill because of it. Help! |
t3_1adn9d | relationship_advice | Can age gap relationships work long term? (26f) & (47m) | I have my own concerns and reservations obviously, or I wouldn't be asking this question, but I need some outside prospective. I female (26) dating a male (47) for going on 9 months. I met him online- I messaged him first for what it's worth- and against the better odds we ended up hitting it off. I normally date men around my own age. And he has only dated women within a decade of his. So this is new for both of us. I think that's what I was looking for when I contacted him in the first place.
I have never had a goal of marriage or kids. And he can take it or leave it as well. He tells me he loves me and is happy with the idea of being with me long term if I want to. I have expressed reservations and he has expressed his own regarding the age difference. But I can't help but feel like I'm getting comfortable with him. And I could totally see myself commiting to him long term, except for the nagging fears that I have.
So far the postives:
* I actually like this guy: smart, cares about my feelings, great with kids/animals/older folks, spiritual.
* Has his life setup - Homeowner, good job, financially secure.
* Things are good in bed.
Negatives:
* Potential future health problems/caring for an aging spouse much sooner.
* Societal perceptions about us.
* I'm not super attracted to him physically- but this isn't a diehard negative as I've had this problem in the past with boyfriends and mental attraction is much more important to me..
Can anyone help me to flesh this out a little bit. What do you think about relationships with large age gaps? Have you been in one and what went right/wrong? What else should I be focusing on here? | Dating a man 21 years my senior. Need opinions on whether I'm crazy for thinking of staying with him for the long haul. |
t3_379y6b | legaladvice | Landlord threw items, can I take out of next month's rent? San Diego, CA | I live in a house with 6 roommates including my landlord. We have two bathrooms, one of which I share with 3 other roommates. One of my roommates moved out and took all of his personal items off of his designated spot in the bathroom, which was a metal shelf about 5 levels high. I had items on this shelf (~$20), and there were other items that equal the amount left to about $50 worth, total.
After my roommate moved out, I noticed everything else on that shelving unit gone including mine. I texted the landlord and my roommate asking, my landlord responded "All trash". I asked my landlord to replace my items or take it out of my next month's rent; he called and told me my items were in the wrong spot and this is between my landlord and my roommate. I have already notified my landlord that I will be taking this out of my rent.
Would I be breaking some kind of rule, or am I able to take the costs of replacing said items out of my rent with no repercussions?
Additional info: My roommate only moved out, is still paying rent and on lease, but my landlord took his keys and banned him from the premises. He also stated that my roommate agreed that he gave up his spaces when he made no such agreement. My landlord also ignored state laws requiring any possessions to be listed, detailed and estimated the value of in a form of contact to the tenant who left them, and how to retrieve them/what will be done. | My landlord threw my personal items in a communal space without my consent, knowledge, or permission and I'd like to deduct it from next month's rent. |
t3_1pcj07 | cats | Pet a stray, now cat has fleas | ADVANCE APOLOGIES FOR WALL OF TEXT
So, a couple of weeks ago, I came upon what looked to be a stray cat. I went up to pet it and saw that it seemed healthy (not fat, not thin, good shape), had been fixed, and was friendly with me, so it seemed to be an indoor/outdoor cat, but without a collar. When I went back with a pet carrier to see if I could catch the little fella to take to the humane society (in case it was a stray or an indoor cat that got out, so they could scan for microchip) I couldn't find him.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and my cat has fleas. She's always been an overzealous groomer, so it wasn't like she has been acting out of the ordinary, really. A bit more aggressive, but I chalked it up to stress. My brother was watching my cat this weekend while I was out of state at a wedding and said he found the fleas. Needless to say, I feel horrible for not noticing and have been through several rounds of self-loathing, self-berating, and hitting forehead for not noticing sooner.
ANYWAY, I called my vet immediately from two states away and they gave me a Seresto collar for my brother to pick up for her (saying they've used this collar on their animals and it works as well as the Advantage/Frontline drops). My cat has hyperthyroidism and when I tried the ear cream, she HATED it, so we switched to the pill. As the vet's office recommended the collar and use it themselves on their own pets and as she hates creams, I went with that option.
So, with all of that throat-clearing out of the way, has anyone used Seresto? Any thoughts? How long until you noticed some relief for your cat? I've also ordered a flea spray from Amazon and am stocking up on vacuum bags and will begin attacking the house tomorrow (vacuuming, washing removable couch covers, bedding, etc., etc.). Any advice on other things to do for the home? | pet a stray, now cat has fleas; has anyone used Seresto flea collar from vet? Likes/dislikes? Any other tips for the house? |
t3_1iafa0 | relationships | My SO [21/M] gets annoyed at my [21/F] phobia. | We dated for 3 years and lived together for 2 (almost 3 now) years. I have a intense phobia that my SO gets irritated at rather than sympathize. Like most girls I hate bugs, but it's not really just a flail and scream "OMG! EWWW!" type of fear. I literally must flee the room and can't return until its out of sight. I seriously can't deal with them. All of my life, bugs/insects/whatever always come STRAIGHT FOR ME. In my fucking face. In my fucking ears. If I'm around them too long I will actually start crying. I'm being as serious as I can through text. I am terrified of bugs.
I don't think he realizes how serious it is. We used to live in a cold area where bugs were rarely around. Now we live in Southern California and its a problem several times a week. Something will fucking fly inside here and I panic. And every time he's like "Seriously? C'mon" to me or "Jesus, calm down" or something that really makes me it seem like I'm doing it on purpose. Yeah, I just have this problem just to piss you off! We usually are great at communicating but how the hell do I get him to understand this isn't just some annoying girly thing I do that can be fixed like a bad habit? It's a minor problem to what's going on but sometimes that response just triggers more shit and I think getting this out of the way would be a start. | I have a legitimate phobia of bugs/insects and my SO just thinks I'm being a typical whimpy girl and tells me to stop when I react. |
t3_fc20s | AskReddit | Reddit, I just got my first girlfriend. IDK how to kiss her though. Help me? | So I'm 18 and have never had a girlfriend before. I've had friends that were girls but never romantically. I'm not bad looking, just socially awkward at times. Well long story short, I'm a high school senior and I got this junior to like me somehow. We've hung out quite a bit now and we now instinctively hold hands where ever we go and we always hug before leaving. She mentioned recently she's wondered why we haven't kissed yet. I told her I was shy and was waiting for the right moment.
Truth be told it's not that at all. It's not that I'm shy. I WANT TO KISS HER. I just have no idea how. I know this may sound dumb, maybe I'm just thinking too hard but I just can't visualize how a kiss should happen. Like physically. Do your lips just mush together with hers and you suck in or what? I cant for the life of me visualize this in my head. | How do you kiss a girl? Literally, not getting her to want to kiss you, actually kissing. What do you do with your lips? |
t3_43z893 | relationships | Is it wrong for me (16f) to dial down my friendship with my best friend (19M)? | Ive been best friends with him for a year. We were very close and talked almost all the time. Amazing friendship. Really supportive of each other and just generally a close pair of friends.
He has started seeing his ex girlfriend recently and does not have the time to talk to me as much i guess. So, he ignores my messages and just generally does not talk to me much anymore. Am I justified in not prioritising him as much as I use to? Is it fair for me to not reply to his messages straight away (when Im busy) when he goes online and ignores my messages.
I also would like suggestions on how to deal with the loss of a friendship.
Sorry if i sound blunt or im not clear but I am not in a good place right now so if there is any information I may be missing, please ask me as I am not thinking straight. Thank you | my best friend has started seeing a girl and he no longer has the time to communicate with me. Need advice on moving past a broken friendship as well as general ettiquite |
t3_4cclej | relationships | Toby 18M with my Linda 18 2 months does she like me or just messing around? | I am in the same class as her on high school. It started after xmas when i started talking a lot with her. She started calling me "my boy" so i responded with "my girl". Overall much flirting IRL and chatting.
She invited me over for dinner. We ate some food and watched a movie and was cuddling a bit. But yesterday I was at a party with her, I was way too drunk and ended up in the same bed as her after she grabbed my butt. I licked her neck but i passed out so nothing more happened I just spooned with her till the morning. When I woke up I understood I have feelings for her. | After a lot of flirting, talking and flirting I see I have feelings for her. I am wondering if you think this girl likes me and if I should drop it considering I am in the same class as her in High School |
t3_3330qo | relationships | I [18M] think I'm in love with my best friend [18F] and don't know what to do | We've been friends for about a year, and was always very close from the start. I've always felt something for her, and I told at the start of our friendship(maybe 2-3 months in), we just find of forgot it ever happened and carried on being close friends.
I feel that I can't carry on like this and feel it's not healthy for me, I get depressed and angry when I'm alone thinking about the situation I'm in.
She has a BF of around 4 years but she knows it's going to end soon, however she also tends to talk to lots of of guys and flirt with them.
I've being thinking of telling her how I feel and see how it goes, but every time I come close I think I'd rather be friends instead of nothing, also considered just for us to stop talking but again the same problem. I just feel if I do nothing I'll never start feeling happy in life with things the way they are. | I think I'm in love with my best friend, making me depressed I can't change it and don't knew what to do. |
t3_3v20vt | relationships | The other day, I [22 M] had a really awesome conversation on tinder and texts with a [23 F] really cute girl. Now she seems to have lost all interest and gone totally silent on me. What did I do wrong? | So Sunday afternoon I'm messing around on tinder when I connect with a cute girl. We start talking and eventually she gets really up-front with me and tells me that I'm a very attractive guy and that she'd like to hang out sometime and see what happens.
We end up sexting throughout the night, partly on tinder and snapchat and continue briefly after we'd exchanged numbers. Towards the end of the conversation, she invites me to grab dinner one night this week, which I graciously accept. Before we could get to details though, she texts me that her phone is low on battery and she has to run. I send one last reply to her and because it's late, I head off to bed.
Next morning, I wake up and see that she saw my last text but didn't respond. Whatever, I'm up early and figure she might respond later. Later in the day I respond with a joking, "Man, your phone takes a while to charge!" just as a joke. She tells me that she fell asleep, but she's at work now. I reply with a joke in-turn and figure she's at work so she's probably busy and put my phone away for the day.
Something like 8 hours later there is still no response, so I send an up-front, "Hey, I was thinking Friday for dinner? Would that work for you?" Skip to today with still no response and I finally get a text from her an hour or so ago. "Busy." I reply that that's no problem by me, and that I'm free effectively every night this week. I also add in the message that if she's changed her mind about grabbing dinner, it's fine by me and I'll leave her alone if it's the case.
So that's where I am now. I'm not sure what I did wrong, but I really like(d) this girl, and the idea of getting to know her. So, /r/relationships, did I do something silly? | Had really awesome connection with girl. We make tentative plans to hang out and have dinner/sex. Now she's gone quiet. |
t3_2vuk6n | tifu | TIFU by burying a dead body and getting attacked by bees | This happened a year or two ago but here goes:
That summer I took a college-level anthropology course at "D" summer camp and one of the topics we studied was forensic anthropology. D is not your average camp, the activities we do are really over-the-top. Anyways, the night before, the teachers go out into the middle of the campus woods to bury the very realistic skeleton we (the students) were to find and dig up tomorrow. D is held at a university; there are cops everywhere, that night was not an exception. The cops find our teachers in the woods behind a camp for teens, trying to bury what looks like a dead body. Thankfully, after explaining the situation, they understand and let them off with a warning. The next day, we went into the woods looking and poking everything looking for clues to the burial spot. It's a free-for-all. Suddenly, I feel a weird tingling sensation on my arm. I flip it over to find a *fucking wasp* on my arm. Then I look up; my friends have wasps on their clothing. Teenagers flew through the woods screaming "WASPS! WASPS! WASPS!" Two of us (including me) were rushed back to the nurse. Apparently, the teachers didn't notice they had buried the skeleton next to a WASP NEST. That night, after the wasp incident, the teachers decided to rebury the skeleton (idk if police were involved) and the next morning told us exactly where it was. | teachers bury skeleton in the middle of the night, suspicious police come. Students look for said skeleton, find wasp nest. |
t3_2iyn7x | tifu | TIFU by getting confused by my own name. | So, /r/tifu , I managed to fuck up today. You know how when you sit down for an exam, you quadruple check everything you write down just in case you made a teeny tiny mistake? Well, I did the same today, and I still managed to fuck up.
See, I had my first SAT today. I had spent a better part of my summer vacations preparing for it, so you could say I was ready to nip the test in the bud. That is, if my test doesn't get canelled.
As with most exams/tests, you have to write down your name. I proceeded to do so, until I saw the place where you write down your middle initial, if you have one that is. Since I do have a middle name, it seemed natural to write down it's initial. That is, until I check my SAT account a few hours after the test and see that I never registered with a middle initial. So yeah, I managed to submit my test under a totally different name, potentially screwing up my scores.
So yeah, | I managed to forget/mix up my name, consequently misprinting it and probably leading to a cancelled test and a ton of wasted time/money. Goddamit mind. |
t3_2yjwsy | tifu | TIFU by brushing my teeth in the shower | So, my life seems to be stitched together by TIFU moments, going back as far as I can remember. Anyway this one happened this morning...
I was taking a shower, pretty normal, nothing out of the ordinary. I have a toothbrush and some toothpaste on the little rack thing, some days I'll brush my teeth while showering, some days I'll do it over the sink.
I was up early so was taking my time doing stupid stuff like filling my ears up with water, seeing how hot I could handle the water...stupid shit like that..I'm 32 btw!
Then I decided to brush my teeth. But instead of brushing to and fro with my hand, I closed my eyes and shook my head side to side. I was trying to see if I could get my whole mouth done while keeping my arm in a fixed position. It worked quite well until I'd finished...
The second I stopped brushing and opened my eyes I was unable see straight or balance and it felt like the whole bath tub was sinking on one side. I grabbed the shower curtain to steady myself, this immediately came off of the pole, I fell forwards out of the bath tub and ended up in a heap of naked ness and shower curtain on the bathroom floor!
Still kind of disoriented I just lay there laughing, then I heard my 8 yo son run up the stairs and open the bathroom door to check on me! He immediately burst out crying! This made me laugh even more!!
When I finally got up off the floor and sorted the mess out and had spoken to my son he said he thought I'd gone crazy...he says heard me scream, then a big thud, then he came running up the stairs and saw my laying on the floor, naked, wrapped in the shower curtain, laughing my head off while I was foaming at the mouth! | Brushed my teeth in the shower by moving my head only. Fell out of the bath tub, son burst into tears when he saw me naked, wrapped up in a shower curtain, laughing while foam was coming out of my mouth. |
t3_21dv29 | loseit | NSV: I ran nearly 2 miles tonight. | I'm too heavy, so I started running last saturday. I've run every day since. Usually I walk every half mile or so and usually finish at 1.5ish miles. Tonight after a busy day I got to run and didn't really stop. I ran 1.9 miles around my college campus. I use Runmeter on my phone and it said I ran faster than I every have before. I've been loosely dieting (eating less at the cafeteria), but my impulse control is shit and I couldn't resist getting ice cream earlier today or getting Canes on the weekend (if you're every in Mississippi, go to Canes.)
I'm proud of myself. I know I've lost weight, but I don't know how much. My clothes fit better and I can actually walk up stairs without being out of breath! I've been breathing better and sleeping better. I feared that I was developing sleep apnea because it runs in my family, but I know that if I stay active I can keep it at bay. I'm proud of myself. | I've lost weight by running every day for nearly 1.5 weeks and I was able to run 1.9 miles nonstop today. |
t3_jhd1e | AskReddit | Dear Reddit - ever seen a ghost? I have. Even though I don't believe in them. | I'm not particularly superstitious. But I know something weird happened that night.
Last year I suffered from severe depression, with, at its worst, bad panic attacks and agitation. My friend used to let me sleep over at her place when I was really upset to give me a break from my home and family. One night when I was feeling particularly irrational and unwell, I was over at her place again and slept beside her in her bed. In the middle of the night, I jolted awake, feeling that I had been asked a question and shouted out 'Yeah, Jo?' and there was her face (I thought it was), just there above mine, but then I turned my head and she was there beside me, fast asleep. Then that face disappeared. I think a door closed.
I don't remember too well because I was half-asleep, but the strangeness of it was still clear as day. It was a scary realisation when she was just there, sleeping, and the figure above me wasn't Jo. I just went back to sleep. I don't rule out that I hallucinated because I was so distressed, but despite my history of mental illness I have no real history of psychosis, or anything involving hallucination. I stand by having seen what I saw because the experience was so intense.
Six months later Jo said she saw the ghost too, just wandering across the living room, a transparent greeny-purple flash, a young girl that she only saw out of the corner of her eye. And she said the same thing, that she doesn't believe in ghosts, but she was what she saw. It's an old house, and we're both pretty unnerved about it, and love talking about it, but we were never all-out scared, funnily enough. | I saw a ghost staying at my friend's little old house. Six months later she saw it too. We both profess not to believe in ghosts. But we saw what we saw. |
t3_1a0mt1 | relationship_advice | [20m] wants to know how to further my relationship with a very shy [21f] | I hope this is the right subreddit to post this, but here goes:
I've been talking and hanging out with this girl quite a lot recently. I have fairly reliable information through her friends that she is interested and I'm sure she knows that I'm interested as well.
We hang out at least once a week, and text almost everyday. All signs are pointing to yes, but I've had a very hard time getting through to her physically. There is no signs while I'm with her that she wants to be touched. I've tried putting my arm around her and the like but the way she reacts to it leaves me very uncertain. We have been hanging out for at least a month now but no progress at all seems to be made. I'm really at a loss at what to do. Apparently she has been like this with every guy, and has actually not had a relationship yet so I don't think it's anything I'm doing wrong in particular.
If anyone has some advice on what I can do to get through to her, or to avoid doing that may scare her away I would be so happy. I'm really at a loss because my own relationship experience is very minimal, and the relationship experience I do have didn't involve me making any of the first moves. I really want this to work out but I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall at the moment. | trying to become properly involved with a shy girl. Needing help on what to do next so that I don't ruin everything. |
t3_2keyyg | relationships | My girlfriend (F17) broke up with me (M17) because she wants to "fix herself". What should Ibdo? | So my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me because she wants to "fix herself". We were picture perfect, we were absolutely crazy about each other. We didnt even have our first fight until about 9 months into the relationship. But then we started fighting about littlw stupid things and I stopped caring and putting in effort. Over that time we fought a bit. She wanted to take a break so I quickly realized what I was doing and got my act together. We were good for a little while and then she started caringbless and her anger was crazy. Its almost like she wanted to fight. And then we both got jobs that tied up our scehdules so we couldnt see each other. We still loved each other so much and we didnt fight 24 7 but we still fought. We had a long talk today where basically she told me she wants to fix herself so she stops hurting me and taking out her anger on me. We cried the whole time and we were kissing and affectionate but we didnt get back together. I went out with a friend and she had a meeting for work and I told her I loved her and she said it back. I know she loves me but I dont know if shes using this an excuse or if she really wants to fix herself. | Me and girlfriend of over a year are crazy about each other but she broke up with me because she "needs some time alone" |
t3_2fzdz8 | relationships | I [24 M] want to break up with my GF [20 F] of 1 year, but I fear she will lose her mind | So, I ended up with an emotionally fragile and at times explosive young woman. I'm her first relationship that lasted more than a couple of months and by all accounts have had a positive influence on her life.
However I am now at the point where the conversations are vapid and superficial, the sex too infrequent, and my interest just overall waning. In short, I'm not getting what I need and I am very certain that I won't get what I need from her, and need a change.
That said I don't know how to break up with my girlfriend. Previous breakups have led to severe depression, self-harm, risky sexual activities, all that. She has disrupted her academics over this before. She is in school right now and I would hate to throw her off into a spiral of depression, once again squandering a school year.
I am pretty much her only support system. She doesn't have any close friends despite my best efforts to encourage her to keep the friends she has over the past year.
I don't know what to do. I care about her but I'm not in love with her and feel that her presence in my life is doing me more harm than good. I don't know how to break up in this case. | I need to break up with my gf, but I'm worried she'll lose her mind and ruin her college year |
t3_4jgr7a | relationships | Me [24 M] with my friend [24 F] 5 years, I can't decide whether to ask her out... --- **tl;dr**: Mandatory summary/question! | So there's a girl.
As usual.
I met her like 5 or so years ago. And pretty much instantly fell for her. She's funny, and quirky, and original and beautiful. So beautiful.
We hit it off really well when we first met. But nothing intimate happened. No kiss or anything just a hug goodbye.
Anyway a little time passes and we start to hang out a lot. I get more interested. And more interested.
And eventually somehow pluck up the courage to tell her that I really like her. Turns out it was super obvious - and that she wasn't into me in that way.
So I bail. Basically. Over the last 4 years I've dated another girl (now broken up/entirely different story) and have changed heaps as a person. Lived in another city for 2 of the years.
Anyway recently we made contact again. Me and this girl. She's done heaps also. Travelled the world. Dated a guy. Acted in movies. Heaps.
And I'm back to being interested in her again... (more than friends)
I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what to do.
She seems to enjoy hanging out. But is never the instigator. (Whether that's personality or she doesn't care for catching up, I don't know)
Some parts of me are saying I should just straight out tell her again.
Other idea is to just be happy we're friends.
What do you think my dear Internet?
-some dude in Western Australia | I'm falling for a friend. Again. She already rejected me years ago. But things have changed. What do I do? |
t3_12ptta | relationships | How do I consciously convince myself [24f] that my boyfriend [28m] really DOES love me? | I've been dating my boyfriend going on about four years now, and he is my first real boyfriend. The relationship is great: we go out all the time, laugh, have mind blowing sex on a regular basis, he treats me great. I lost my virginity to him, he lost his to me and I have never dated anyone else for this long. The more serious we get, the more insecure I get. As a whole, the relationship has made me more of a confident person: he compliments me and makes me feel good about myself, but I have a crippling fear that I will eventually unintentionally push him away.
I have been struggling with depression and self esteem problems for most of my life and although I feel as if I have been keeping it at bay recently, sometimes I am scared that my boyfriend is falling out of love with me, or will somewhere in the near future. I know the problem lies with me, though - he is a perfect boyfriend, and I can't think of anything that he does wrong. Tiny things manifest themselves in my mind as huge, threatening problems. For example: I have no problem with him watching porn, realise that it's normal and all of that, but sometimes I get a little afraid that he watches/follows specific cam4 girls and this spirals out of control and I eventually assume he's cheating on me with girls on the internet. No matter how much I tell myself I'm being completely irrational, I somehow manage to lose sleep over it. I'm also afraid of talking to him about any of this because I'm afraid he'll think I don't trust him or something.
I really don't know what I'm asking here, I just need help with accepting the fact that someone really actually loves me, and not push him away because of silly scenarios I make up in my head. How do I do it without creating a conflict that doesn't need to be there? How do I actually take "I love you"'s to heart? | Afraid my boyfriend will leave me or cheat on me for no reason all. Need help on dealing with my thoughts and convincing myself that he really does love me. |
t3_1s690q | pettyrevenge | Cleanliness out of Dirtiness | I share an apartment with a pig. My roommate is a mess; not just messy (I can handle messy) but **dirty**. Like, doesn't know how to wipe up after making a mess, leaves dishes and garbage around for days, opens her door to her room and the stench of death rolls out, dirty. But (unfortunately) she is not the worst roommate I have had the misfortune of living with so I put up with it to avoid the possibility of ending up with a real terror of a roommate.
I have my silent revenge though, which makes up for the mess in the common areas. When I load the dishwasher after emptying it, I only put in my dishes, leaving hers to remain on the counter or in the sink. This forces her to get off the couch and put them away herself once she runs out of room to function.
The other thing I do, which gives me a small sliver of satisfaction, I use her luffa to scrub the walls of the shower and basin of the bathtub. It gets clean *and* I get petty, petty revenge. | Roommate is lazy and dirty. I don't put her dishes in the dishwasher when I fill it, and I use her luffa to wash the shower/bathtub. |
t3_2de0ro | Advice | Balancing school, work and volunteering. | Hi guys, it's my first post here and I was looking for some advice.
Before I start, I would like to clarify that CITY A and CITY B are an hour bus ride/drive from one another.
During the weekdays, I'm at school in CITY B, and from friday nights to sunday night, I'm in CITY A (I work here on Saturdays).
Anyways, I've been offered a volunteer position in a hospital in CITY A and I'm not sure if I should accept or decline. The reason being is because I'll be away for school on weekdays, and it might be a giant hassle just to commute back to volunteer on the weekdays.. and I would love to have Sundays off.
I do think that this volunteer experience at the hospital would be great on my resume as I am currently studying a degree in the health sector and believe this exposure to the hospital would be fantastic.
I'm not sure whether I should take up this volunteer experience (if I pass the interview process).. or if I should decline from the start.. and if I do accept, how would I balance all this?! Any advice would be lovely. | Offered a volunteer position in a hospital. Not sure to accept or decline due to being in a different city for school and working on saturdays... I should add that I attend church Sunday mornings. What to do? |
t3_2r1g90 | relationships | Not sure where I stand with new guy | I'm a 21 F and he's a 24 M. I met him on Tinder and didn't keep my account for long. My guy friend jokingly made me get an account one night so I have no idea how typical Tinder relationships work.
So here's the deal, I haven't known him very long. At first he would text me all the time and always made it clear he wanted to hang out. Recently, he barely texts. This could be because of the holidays. I also tried to add him to facebook and he didn't add me. We've hung out quite a few times and everything is great when we are together but I'm not sure if he's talking to other girls or is even interested in a relationship. I've only ever had long-term relationships. Since, my last relationship, I've had several purely sexual relationships and I don't want to do that anymore. | Basically, I know I need to establish what I want but I don't know how to go about this and I really just can't interpret his actions at this point. |
t3_w3l22 | relationships | Specific date ideas? | My girlfriend and I have been dating a year and 3 months now. She's 24 I'm 22. I'm the kind of guy who likes to stay in and she loves going out and doing new things. We always do the dinner and a movie type dates and I want to do something new. She likes clubs and bars, but usually we go in a big group, I wanna be able to take her out while still getting to spend that one on one time with eachother (most likely the reason why i always pick dinner and movie dates). I'm in the Dallas,tx area.. Plenty of things to do but I'm out of ideas.. | girlfriend loves going out, Im more of a introvert, but I wanna surprise her and take her somewhere fun not just dinner. |
t3_33eg6u | tifu | TIFU by falling asleep with my PC on | So I had a really long day at the university and decided to turn in early. I was lying in bed browsing the internet, with screen projected on TV. The last thing I remembered was opening a photo of a girl on facebook (you know, *research purposes*) around 9 pm. The windows were open at the time. Then I dozed off, to tired to even ^do ^my ^research.
The wind blowing through the open door woke me up at 2 am. I had absolutely no idea what happened until I got up to close the door, turn on the light and have a look around. The wrinkled notepad next to the closed windows indicates rain and the open door means my father had come in to close them (he does a house-round window check everytime it rains, I guess he entered when I did not respond). Then it hit me. My pops walked in on me sleeping with a photo of a girl on the TV screen. It's hard not to put two and two together.
Event logs confirmed the PC was switched off at 9:29 pm.
It's gonna be one awkward morning.
Lesson learned: Set sleep time with password protection to 15 mins. Before that it was 3 hrs.
If the subject is ever brought up, I think I will tell him I was editing photos at the time (I do own a 70D and I routinely do photoshoots). | Fell asleep with windows open and PC on with a photo of a girl on screen. Rain and father walked in to check the windows, found me asleep with photo on screen. |
t3_npp5t | AskReddit | Probably to the women of reddit because guys don't give a fuck: do you take any steps to make sure your guests keep the bathroom clean? | I'm not even a germophobe or anything like that, but one of my biggest pet peeves is having a dirty toilet/bathroom. I can't stand walking into a bathroom, getting ready to take a piss/shit, and finding urine all over the damn toilet. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY.
I still stay with my parents and she says it's rude to confront guests, but when I get my own place it's gonna be totally different. My idea is that before you enter my home, you'll have to sign an agreement similar to Sheldon's and Leonard's roommate agreement on Big Bang saying that the cleanliness of the bathroom will remain the same before and after you use it. It'll be all in good fun, but hopefully it'll get my point across.
But anywho, what measures do you guys take to make sure your guests aren't peeing everywhere in the bathroom? Any good tips? | But anywho, what measures do you guys take to make sure your guests aren't peeing everywhere in the bathroom? Do you just not care and clean it up afterwards? |
t3_35y8vo | tifu | TIFU by forcibly closing our laptop and not knowing the mouse was inside it destroying the screen. | Well, it happened 7 years ago.
I was 10 at that time and my father working abroad sent us a new a laptop. Might I remind you as well that laptops at that time were a huge thing to own especially in a 3rd world country like the Philippines. So there I was using the laptop, surfing the internet like a cat waiting for the laser to move. Now, we weren't allowed to use the laptop unless told to for parenting reasons. I was on the 2nd floor when I heard footsteps on the stairs. I quickly panicked and placed the mouse back to the keyboard whilst forcibly closing the laptop shut. My little dumb brain was astound! As to no avail would the laptop close for some reason even though the damn screen was being physically bent by a little boy who don't want no naggin'. Finally I realized that the mouse was keeping it from being shut. I quickly removed it and closed it. Afterwards, my mother found out. Of which my little bitchy ass shifted the blame to my poor 5 year old cousin. She didn't scold her. But damn was I ever guilty.
To this day I never confessed, but just vowed that when I finish college, I'd take this unknowing parents of mine to some fancy ass vacation. | Forcibly closed the laptop while the mouse was still on the keyboard and shifted the blame to defenseless cousin. Note that I was 10. |
t3_s6dga | AskReddit | Got a really bad sunburn, now my skin is peeling. What are some good ways to get my skin looking normal? | Basically, I spent a little too much time in the sun last week with a too little sunscreen, and I got a nasty burn on my chest/stomach/back.
The burn/pain is gone and my skin feels fine, but my skin is starting to peel. I don't want to peel it off with my fingers because A.) That is disgusting. B.) I'm afraid doing that will leave scars.
I've been exfoliating my skin in the shower everyday with a scrub and putting lots of lotion on the areas afterward, but it doesn't seem to be going as quick as I want it to be. My skin is still really itchy and flaky. | What's the best way to quickly remove unsightly dead skin from a sunburn that doesn't require me peeling it off? Because that makes me want to vomit. |
t3_wp37i | relationships | Porn in relationships. | I get the feeling this is rather insignificant in comparison to all of the posts about cheating assholes and stuff on this subreddit, but it is still troubling me.
Me and my SO have been together for around two years now, and before this relationship, like most guys, I watched porn. I carried on for about half a year thinking she was completely fine with it, and didn't see it as anyway negative in our relationship (I like boobs, not the random sluts personally). She found out about this and went apeshit because she didn't realise, but to be fair she hadn't told me she didn't want me to, so she forgave me. Now this is where my problem is.. throughout the last year and a half I have lapsed a few times and watched it, normally when I am pretty down, or haven't had sex with her in a while. I know some people may think that she is being unfair, but she sees it as virtually cheating, whereas I see it as harmless, as I draw no personal connection to the pixels on screen. This is the only thing she is obsessive about, and she is definitely the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, so its worth giving up porn hub or whatever..
My question is, as I don't watch porn anymore, is it worth owning up to her about the previous times, as I still feel guilty (for lying, not watching it), should I not tell her at all, or should I tell her in like a years time when she might have changed her mind? Sorry for the comparative patheticness of this question, but as I said, its been playing on my mind. | Watched porn even though SO said she hates me doing it. Feel bad + don't know whether to tell her. |
t3_18v10o | relationships | [26m] with [24f] catching hints of the desire to move in together, and wondering when is a good time. | I'm sure this question is asked many times a day here, but every situation is different I suppose, and time is a factor. I've been with her for a little over 3 months (obviously, not very long), and it is a fantastic relationship. I'm really enjoying it, and I've never had one go quite this well. I've never lived with a significant other though, I've always lived with various roommates while dating. Those relationships all lasted longer than 3 months, and the topic was never approached. She's lived with a SO before (the only other major one she's mentioned), and although she has never directly asked me about living together, the hints have been dropped enough to get me thinking about it.
I honestly do not know what state relationships get to before this becomes a healthy option and I understand the question doesn't really have a specific answer. Every couple is different and the right time to do something is different for everyone, but I guess I'm asking what specifically to look for when determining whether or not I should think of moving in together as something I should be actively pursuing. It seems as though it would be something I would enjoy and I believe it would be quite a fulfilling experience, but as I mentioned earlier I've never attempted it before, so the belief is completely uneducated. | Wondering when it is a good time for a couple to move in together, and when it is obviously too soon. |
t3_3180xq | tifu | TIFU by eating half pound of dried fruit | So today over my lunch break I picked up a sandwich at a local store, but I also wanted something sweet too. Thinking it that I should be all healthy and grab something other than cookies, I picked up some dried fruit. I hadn't bothered to look at what fruit it contained so when I popped the bag open I realized it was apricots and prunes. No big deal, prunes aren't my cup of tea but I like apricots every now and then. I usually browse Reddit while I eat so I hadn't really noticed how far I was into the bag until it was finished. I standup to leave and a sharp pain hit me right in the abdomen, that's when I peered down and saw **250 grams** printed right on the cover of the bag. Well.......fuck, the rest of the day I kept trying to finding excuse to use the bathroom and ducking outside every chance I got. Holy shit, all I can say is that I've new found respect for the power of fiber and nursing home lunches. | TIFU, I ate a half pound of apricots and prunes, 8 hours later and my stomach is still crying for mercy. |
t3_1y4njm | relationships | Should I buy her a B-day gift? | Ok so me and this girl have known each other for about a year but we didn't start actually talking to each other until about 4 months ago. We quickly became best friends and we literally communicate with each other every day and hang out like twice or three times a week. Just recently about 2 weeks ago she explained that she liked more than a friend and i always saw her more than a friend as well we kissed and we went from there. So i guess you can say we barely started dating. What i want to ask is that should i buy her a b-day gift? Her birthday is in like 2 weeks and i know what to get her but the thing is do you think i should get her something or should i just take her out to eat or something?!?! And if i do buy her a gift is 80 dollars to much to spend on her??? Understand that we both like each other a lot! Thanks for your input, it is greatly appreciated!!! | Should I buy my bestfriend/person i barely started a bday gift? We've been close friends for 4 months. |
t3_4hleoh | relationships | Bf [25 M] is temporarily stressed and depressed. How do I [24 F] help both of us work through this? | I'm in a fairly new relationship with someone I've been dating for about 3-4 months. Things are/were going pretty well. Most importantly, we work well as a pair and have healthy communication when it comes to conflicts, problems, or misunderstandings. Since we're new in the relationship, we do not Love each other, but we certainly care for each other.
Recently, he's undergone some life changes that have left him feeling overwhelmed, depressed, and anxious. Because he doesn't Love me yet, and because he's the kind of person who can only focus on one big thing at once, things have been difficult. I want to emphasize that he does not handle stress badly (e.g he's not lashing out at me or dragging me down with him), but he has been pulling away. Our relationship feels like it has been put on pause, both in terms of feelings developing and in terms of hanging out. He's also starting to doubt our relationship more.
When we do hang out, he's too tired or withdrawn to do fun things, so we watch TV and go to bed; this is fine, but it amplifies the feeling that our relationship is stagnant. He's also told me other parts of his life are also feeling less fun and happy. I understand that this is the depression/anxiety/stress acting, not him, but I can't help but feel hurt that he was once so enthusiastic about me and now he's not.
We talked about this, and we don't want to break up because despite all the shit that's happened, our relationship isn't bad; just less good. Does anyone have any tips on how to balance needs and get through this? | I'm in a new relationship that is going well, but bf is depressed due to recent events. Does anyone have any tips on how to balance needs and get through this? |
t3_2lw3jz | relationship_advice | [26/M] General advice of 5 month relationship with GF [32/F] | Hi /r/relationship_advice,
**Back story:**
I meet my GF on Tinder 5 months ago. The first 4 months were an absolute blast. We out all the time; dinner, gigs, outdoor cinema and she even brought me to a wedding of her friends.
She started a masters back in September and it takes up quite a bit more of her time. I'm okay with this and understanding of the work she has to put in.
There were 2 incidents that I let myself down:
1) I got quite drunk one night (start of October), she was supposed to come out with my best friend and meet his girlfriend. She cancelled that day to go to a college party. I didn't express myself correctly that this actually annoyed me and had a drunken argument with her.
2) Fast forward a week later and a serious change in communication, I went out with my friends. Again I got drunk over a phone call with her and sounded extremely needy / clingy, trying to apologise for the previous week.
We talked it all out and agreed we would put it behind us. I have some insecurity and anxiety issues that I am addressing and working through it well. I'm also working on my self control while drunk and no more drunk calls, arguments, texts etc.
Now to get to my point. She's changed entirely with me, not as affectionate, no more nice messages, no more good night messages.
Basically a 180 on how we interacted. I haven't, I'm trying really hard to show her I love her, do things for her but I'm just not getting the same back or even remotely.
I guess I'm asking if you guys think this is worth it any more? Have you ever been in a relationship where a change like that as occurred? | Messed up with 2 drunken arguments / calls with GF, made up and said we would work on it. Relationship has done 180 from her perspective. |
t3_1kmbkz | relationship_advice | Persuading my GF (25f) to move to another state with me (26m). Has anyone else had to do this? | I am considering moving to another, larger city - the Twin Cities. The unemployment rate, the rural conservatism, the spotty opportunities for independence and well-being in my area are not enough for me (and her) to thrive.
I have many reasons to move out there. More jobs, decent pay, available housing, reliable public transit/bike-friendly, better (and more) schools - especially of the technical/trade type.
I don't think I can do it alone though. I want my GF (of two years) to come with me and take on a new challenge. Unfortunately, she says she's not ready to move out of state. She is ready to move, though. She's stuck in a retail job, hasn't spent nearly enough time looking for another position. For one reason, there are no jobs here - a good 75% of employers here want experience in the given position. She also is very easily home-sick. She says that she isn't ready to be separated from her parents ("They're getting older.") Honestly, I think if they have 20 years left at least, then that's nothing to worry about. The goal is to be in the twin cities for about 2 years. Sometimes you have to relocate to build your future - then you can come back home.
I asked her wouldn't video chatting be okay for when you get home-sick? Or wouldn't you like to have experience in job *X*, and come back to the same thing at home and they'll hire you because you have more experience?
I didn't get much from her besides, "Don't let me stop you." or "Maybe you should go on your own. It might be therapeutic for you." Other than that, she really didn't bother to consider the advantages of moving there. I feel like she would prefer to let me go, over her feeling uncomfortable in a new setting.
I don't know how to persuade her. I know that I do not want to stay here in California. | Want to move out of state. GF hasn't really been considerate of the options. Want her to come with me. Want to persuade her. Much better opportunities in MN. |
t3_3kqzow | relationships | Me [29 F] with my cousin [27 M], argument, who was in the wrong? | My cousin and I are saying at my parents' house for a family gathering. He is staying in the living room and I am staying in the adjacent bedroom. At midnight, I asked him to turn Netflix down because he wasn't watching it (he was surfing the internet) and it was keeping me up. He declined to turn it down or put on headphones.
At 12:30, I took the power cord from the modem, went in the bedroom, and locked the door. He responded by banging on the bedroom door for 10 minutes (I timed it) then going outside and banging on the window by the bed for 7 minutes. My parents woke up and asked him what he was doing.
He stated "She fucking started this fucking mess by fucking taking the fucking cord. If she hadn't fucking done that, I wouldn't have fucking banged on the fucking window."
My parents told him to go back to the living room. He refused to go without the internet cord. They told him to watch Netflix at a lower volume. He refused. They then told me to give him back the cord to resolve the matter. (they have a long history of enabling his behavior). I did so I could at least try to go to bed.
Who was in the wrong here?
Also, I paid for his flight here and back because he doesn't currently have a job. Would I be in the wrong to cancel his flight and tell him to find his own way home? I used SW so I won't have any fees for cancelling. I'm tired of him facing no consequences for any of his actions.
I've also been holding a roomful of his personal belongings for several months after he asked me to hold them for a few weeks, and the exterminator who came to my house this week for bedbugs (gross!!!!) told me they likely came from his stuff -- he was evicted from his apartment for getting bedbugs and ignoring them. He told me he took care of the matter before giving me his stuff. | Cousin wouldn't turn down Netflix; I took modem power cord; he banged on my door/window until my parents confronted him. Who's wrong? |
t3_214y6e | relationships | Me [28F] with my boyfriend [27M) 3-4months, I need to break up with him, but I don't want to see him anymore. | Hey, so I've decided I need to break up. I hate break ups.
I wasn't sure about him to begin with but I thought I'd try it out. He's been mostly good, but I definitely no longer want to be with him. I don't want him touching me etc. he has a problem with boundaries. Eg. Wednesday night he came to my house at 1.15AM to see me. Knocking on my window/wall till I came outside. I hadn't checked FB so I didn't know he'd been trying to contact me (issue w his phone). Overreaction on his part and it stressed me out. Today he tried to call me 6 times in a row over a 20min period. I feel like he's stalking me and won't leave me alone.
I haven't seen him since Thursday. I have no desire to catch up or do anything with him, however, I need to break up with him. I need to do it in person, I don't feel like it's something that should be done over the phone. It's making me feel anxious when I think about him/the situation.
That being said I liked it when we first started going out and when we were just friends. At some stage in the future I'd like to hang out as friends. Given that he is kinda obsessed with me and really intense (tells me that he loves me and wants to marry me and have kids with me etc.) do you think this us possible? | How should I break up with him and what should I say? Do you think it's possible for us to be friends in the future? |
t3_2qgzkt | relationships | Me [22m with my ___ [20/F] duration, Went out for 8 months and broke up. | I was in a relationship who I thought was the one for me we we're so comfortable with each other. Just a week ago she broke up with and wasn't very brief but i saw it coming from the way she ignored me.
So far she believes she's the Adult in the relationship yes I agree I can be quite childish but I still have the same feelings for her I go out with her and act adult like as I should I treat her like a woman giving her space and letting her go out with her friends. But the worst thing was that she told me I really don't show my emotion towards her I held everything back to try to avoid a serious conflict fight. I thought i made the right idea to do so.
she then continues to state She enjoyed our time together but she can't imagine us being together permanently anymore. Our time has passed and I'm just going to get hurt if I keep going. and She does not see this working out. | I just want to know Should I still try for her I really do have a lot of my feelings still But I think she's completely over me even after all the time we shared. |
t3_1k7yzo | relationships | Me[28F] with my 'friend' [32m] 2 months, has said he wants to take things slow after I told him I was looking forward to creating a solid foundation. | This gentleman and I started seeing each other about 2 months ago. He has been very open and honest. He openly admits he is concerned about becoming overly co-dependent on his partner, citing he has identified patterns from his past that support this fact.
After about half a month, he asked me what we were doing, and if we were 'dating' or 'boyfriend/girlfriend'. It being so early I instantly recoiled and told him that I wanted to take things slowly myself.
I have been in one long term relationship of 6 years from 16 to 23, and have not been in a long term relationship since. I am having a hard time with this whole situation. I have spent about a week mulling over the pros and cons of offering him a long term relationship, I finally decided to offer it up as "looking forward to building a solid foundation that could lead to a relationship" and he put the breaks on, saying he wanted to take things slow because of his past. *sigh*
I replied stating that this is fine, however I feel there is a maximum amount of time that two people are allotted in which it is decided it will work or will not work. I told him I needed sometime to think and brushed his plans for this week away so I could take the time to myself to think this one through.
Am I over reacting? | Guy asks me to be his girlfriend, I say let's give it some time, give it sometime then approach again to be shot down. |
t3_1u1qh4 | relationships | I [26 M] have an issue with attraction. Is it wrong to only be attracted to certain types of girls? | The first few girls I dated and slept with were all of the skinny, athletic build with small breasts. It wasn't that I sought out this type of girl, but that our personalities aligned and we ended up getting together.
My most recent relationship was a girl who was a more natural figure with large breasts (D cup and had a reduction prior). I had never been with a girl with large breasts before, but I quickly found that my sexual attraction to them (and her) and to other girls with large breasts increased very much so.
Since that relationship has ended, I ended up sleeping with a girl who was more of the athletic build with small breasts. I had issues with performance and maintaining an erection while sleeping with her. Now it's in my head, and that fling has come to an end.
My question is this: Is it shallow to now seek out girls with larger breasts whom I am more physically attracted to? (I want to be clear that personality is and always will be a huge factor of attraction for me). Are there ways to get over the performance anxiety that occurred when being with a girl with small breasts? My whole attitude towards dating was to find a girl with the right personality and let things happen from there, but we are wired to be attracted to certain things. I'm not sure what to do. | After being with a girl with large breasts, having issues being attracted to girls with small breasts. Is it wrong to seek out large breasted girls with the fear of becoming shallow? |
t3_riowx | AskReddit | Reddit, I need your best ideas | Ok reddit, here's the story.
A very dear friend of mine was caught in a house fire some time last November. There were two guys, my friend C and his good mate P. It was an abounded house that P was squatting in, when C went to visit. An explosion happened during the evening, killing P at the scene, C ran out the house, on fire, screaming for his mate.
He was put out, taken into hospital and put in an induced coma for about 2 months. He then spent another month or so in rehab.
During this time, he was pretty much on his death bed, he's so lucky to pull through, he had third degree burns to 60% of his body, he's had 7 skin grafts, corneal damage, nerve damage, the list does go on.
Fast forward to now, he's back home! He will be at home for another 2 years for a full skin recovery. I'll be visiting him at home next week and I want to get him something. But I want it to be special. Something that will keep him entertained for not hours, but weeks, months... Bearing in mind his eyesight is quite limited. So reddit, what ideas do you have for me? | my friend was badly burnt, was in a coma for months, is now back home and I want to blow him away with a great gift |
t3_3lmcj0 | relationships | Me [24 M] with my wife [22 F] of (6 months married, two years dating previous), wants to become a model and I have some concerns. | Sorry that this won't be a ton of drama.
So my wife has been very unsatisfied with her 9-5 boring job, and one of her friends who is a model suggested the modeling track to her as an alternative while she goes through school. She's saying you can make $30k+ part time, not including the benefits of paid travel, free clothes, etc.
I'm not necessarily opposed to her doing modeling. She's very pretty, I think she could handle the work involved, and I'm not worried about her cheating. My concerns are that she's not very self-confident, which we've been working on, that could make the modeling field very harsh for her, and she's not very assertive, which we're also working on, which makes me nervous when dealing with skeezy photographers who want to go above and beyond the contract for their own portfolio.
We haven't fought about it, she brought it up, I brought up those concerns, and she didn't have much of an answer. I don't know if modeling is the right thing for her, we don't need the money, and if there's any unforseen consequences of this kind of work that I don't know about yet. And of course, how to handle her low self-esteem (she was in a lot of abusive relationships, both romantically and with her family), and her assertiveness (mostly because of previous abuse). | My wife wants to do modeling, she has some self-esteem issues, and I don't know what other pitfalls could come up. |
t3_3ns4i6 | relationships | A Teen needs desperately help. | so i have this friend which i met a couple of months ago. She goes to my school and she is a year older(she is 18 and im 16). We met on an exchange trip, i have never seen her before till then.During the trip we made friends.
Once the trip ended we kept talking pretty much every day, i asked her if she would like to go to a cafe with me and she said yes, 2 weeks later i invited her to the cinema and she also said yes. But in this second "date" there were a lot of silents moments since we are kind of shy and talking is definitely not my best strenght so i thought i fucked it pretty hard. However, we kept talking everyday.
I tend to overthink things and when it comes to love even more, im not the sexyiest man on earth and i dont really understand why she even accepted to date with me. I dont think anyone would accept 2 dates with one person if he is not interested in the other one but on the other side, im the one that always starts the conversations and she never does. When i talk to her she answers me just fine and she keeps the conversation pretty well but she never searches me, not even once.
What should i do?, i was thinking to do an "all-in" and ask her to be my gf but im not really confident, pleeeeaaase help. I need advices!
Sorry for the bad english its not my main language. | i have a friend but i dont really know if she is interested in me and even if she gets to be my gf i dont really know if the relationship would work. |
t3_1wul18 | relationships | Me [22F] with my boyfriend[24 M] of 4 years, can't work our problems out. | OK, this is a long story I'm so sorry in advance!!
My boyfriend and I have been together four years, and lived together for 2. He's so terrible at communicating. I'm an extrovert, and he's definitely an introvert. Any time that a problem arises, even if it is small, he will blatantly ignore me. Sometimes he won't speak to me for weeks. We live together, so understandably, this makes for a very uncomfortable, uninviting home situation. I feel like I am constantly trapped in my bedroom, because as soon as I leave and walk into the living room, (where he plays video games all day and sleeps), I am so incredibly aware of the fact that he is ignoring me.
I've tried so many different ways of approaching him but it just never helps. When this isn't happening, things used to be so good. We were so happy and we got along so well. This has been a consistent living situation however for the past 6 months. I'm so lost and confused and I just don't know what to do. We have shared everything... rent/apartment, cat, joint bank accounts, etc. I know he loves me, and I think that I love him, but this is so unhealthy and I don't know what to do anymore.
He keeps trying to pressure me into marrying him and having a baby, like he thinks that will fix things, but I think that's so delusional.
I just don't know whether this is something that we can work through or if this is just not right at all. | If we haven't slept in the same bed for 6 months, and he ignores me constantly, is there still something to work out, or is it over? |
t3_23qf3y | relationships | I [19,M] have issue with prospective partners. No relationships yet... | Hey all, I have never had a relationship of my own, but I aspire to have one and this seems like a safe space to come out about this issue.
I have been in close friendships with members of the opposite sex, and these people would not have made good partners because of there being too many fundamental differences between us. While these situations are few in number, I more commonly find myself uncertain about the potential of a potential romantic partner. I am straight and not bi-curious, and I have high standards.
These standards, while keeping me away from women who would only eventually dragging me down, have acted in a way contradictory to the way that they are intended. My parents are in a marriage where they have fundamentally different worldviews, and they are not that happy together. They fought a lot when I was younger, and it's universally known that such fighting has made its impact on me. Not wanting to end up in a similar situation, I feel a need to screen potential mates for the potential to be too different.
What this has led me to do is turn away too many women based on flaws with the reasoning that I can do better. But can I? How much can I sacrifice high standards and still be in a fulfilling relationship with somebody? I get a nagging feeling that it'll turn out bad if I try, and I don't honestly feel like these actions and feelings are normal and/or helpful. Anybody ever had a situation like this or know somebody who has? Thanks. | High dating standards, have turned almost every woman I've met away, parents fought a lot when I was little, am I delusional or at least somewhat normal? |
t3_4m7l7v | relationships | Me [21 F] with my ex [21 M] he broke up with me 3 months ago after we had been dating 2 years. Will I ever be completely 'over' him? | My ex broke up with me three months ago due to problems in our relationship causing both of us to be unhappy. I kept trying to make it work but he ended up giving up and we went our separate ways. I started dating someone else pretty much straight after the break up and as of three days ago we are now officially together. My ex found out and told me he still loves me and even though I am with someone else he still sees a future with me. I know he is probably only saying this out of jealousy and to mess with my head. So yeah, I still catch myself thinking about my ex from time to time. Is this normal? He was my first serious relationship. Will I ever be completely over him or will I forever think of him as the one that got away? I know I don't have as strong feelings for him anymore and I know the relationship between me and my ex would never be as good as it once was so why do I keep thinking of him! I am really happy with my new boyfriend and I am just hoping that what I am going through is normal. Any advice on how long it took you to be completely over your ex? or how long it was before you stopped thinking about them so often? | how long does it take to get over an ex? when do you stop thinking about them from time to time? he randomly pops into my head even though i am now happy with someone else! is this normal? |
t3_3tpuw5 | tifu | TIFU by sexting my girlfriend NSFW | Hi there, long time lurker, first time poster hoping to entertain you with my fuck up.
So...here goes. So my girlfriend and I are currently in a long distance relationship after she moved back to Shanghai after she graduated from university. Our medium of communication is normally Facebook messenger, this part is important, you'll understand why in a moment.
Shes moves back and we have had some rough times from not seeing each other so the moment we both have free time (it's not very easy with the 7 hour time difference), we escalate the conversation into something very explicit.
This was fine and all, until hours later when our world fell in to a fucking mess. HER 14 YEAR OLD SISTER WAS PLAYING ON HER IPAD WHEN WE WERE SEXTING. Holy shit, how the fuck did that slip past us. Fucking messages were popping up on the ipad while she was playing some fucking game and I think we scarred her for life.
Best part of this story is that my GF asked her sister what she saw and her reply? "I didn't see much but you really like it rough in the cat apparently" The most innocent response I have ever heard she couldn't even say it. I'm done with this world. | Sexted my girlfriend on facebook messenger while her 14 YO sister was playing on her ipad which also had facebook messenger fml. |
t3_1pzfah | relationships | Me [22F] with my bf [24M] 4 years, I don't know how to end it. | We have been together for 4 years, and long distance off and on for 2. Our relationship started out great, and I really thought we would eventually get married. I continued feeling this way until very recently. On one of my trips abroad, I developed feeling for someone else. This was the first time this happened to me since we've been together. I didn't do anything with this other guy, but I really wanted to, and probably could have if I didn't respect my boyfriend so much.
Ever since then, I have been developing crush after crush. It doesn't help that I haven't really been single since I was 15. I jump from serious relationship to serious relationship. This one has been the longest by far.
I feel like such a shitty person, but I really think I want to end it. We are lucky if we see each other once a month. On top of that, we barely even talk anymore. Even still, I think he has no idea that things aren't great for me. I have a hard time bringing it up, because I don't want to ruin the little time we spend together. I'm a coward and I don't know what to do. He's a wonderful person and he deserves so much more.
It kills me that I'm going to be breaking his heart, but I'm so unhappy with where we are. Please help? | I think I want to break up with my long-term, long-distance boyfriend, but I feel like a bitch for it. |
t3_13va8z | relationships | Male[20] suddenly loses contact with female [20] after three months of dating; I don't know how to proceed. | **RESOLVED**
So, title says it. We've been dating for three months, going out at least once a week in that time and we've had a great time. She disappeared. Literally, and I don't know what's up. I've not met her parents yet so that'd be going too far to contact them, but after she asks if I want to hang out later in the week, her iMessage suddenly goes off and she doesn't respond to texts/calls. She doesn't use Facebook much so that's not helpful. I don't want to seem like some kind of stalker or anything, and we've been happily dating for three months so that's kind of hard to do, but I'm still seriously apprehensive about trying to contact her any further.
Is this her way of breaking up? I thought that, but she acted like she wants to hang out, tells me she can't wait, then I hear nothing from her. She didn't show up for the date or anything. She doesn't seem so immature so as to break up in that way anyway. I keep feeling like I'm just being over-attached and I'm wrong about her, but I'd cut contact if she just told me she didn't want to see each other anymore. It's no big deal. I've grown to care about her though and I really liked her. It kind of worries me, and I think I have a right to be worried. Do I keep trying to contact her or just move on? | Girl I've been dating for months suddenly drops off the face of the earth and I'm afraid of seeming overly-attached if I try to contact her further. Do I move on? |
t3_14wioa | AskReddit | Reddit, is there any way I could get names and addresses of those who were/are affected by the Connecticut school shooting? (More details of why I want them inside.) | I'm 16 years old and I can't imagine what those families are going through and so I want to give what I can to them. I am just as heart broken as anyone else is, and I want to write letters and possibly give money to the families in Connecticut. I know no amount of money given to them could ever bring back their babies and family members, but if it can go towards anything to help them get past this difficult time, then I would somehow feel like I helped someone in need. If anyone here on Reddit could help me with this project I will greatly appreciate it and keep you all posted. I look forward to hearing responses from you all. | I want to send letters and possibly money to families affected by the recent shooting in Connecticut in hopes to help them through this difficult time. |
t3_4wyk9d | relationships | My [23F] acquaintance [24M] got sexually explicit material of me and taunted me about it | One member of my friend group, whom I'll call Jim, approached me a week ago and told me how he got sexually explicit pictures and videos of me and uses them to masturbate often. Last year, my now-ex and I made three sex tapes, just for our own viewing pleasure and no one else's. He swore he deleted them after we broke up but I guess he not only saved them (along with countless sexts) but shared them with Jim.
My ex and I are now no contact so I can't talk to him about this. When Jim told me he had the tapes I was mortified and begged him not to reveal them to anyone else in our group. The tapes feature me doing things that I absolutely will not do ever again and I don't want other people to see me in such a way. It was a mistake and I regret making them. Thankfully, Jim said he wouldn't share them but I can't be sure if he's telling me the truth or not. I asked him if he could please delete them but he just said he masturbates near daily to them and plans to keep them as long as he likes.
This has had me upset and crying ever since he told me. Honestly Jim is creepy and I barely ever interact with him when we're at the same function. The knowledge that he not only has these tapes of me but also masturbates to them daily just sickens me and makes me extremely uncomfortable, so much so that I'm losing sleep over it. My boyfriend wants to beat the shit out of Jim but that will only cause more trouble and will probably result in Jim sharing the tapes with our entire group. Also, I don't know if my ex leaked these tapes online or not.
What can I do about this? Is there any legal action I could take? Jim won't budge and I've tried to reason with him but it's hopeless. | Acquaintance got my old sex tapes with my ex and masturbates daily to them. Knowing this has made me an emotional wreck and I don't know how to proceed. |
t3_2susc3 | relationships | Me [23M] with my ex girlfriend [19F] of 2 years, she's ready to move on and I'm not | Before anyone asks, she broke up with me. I told her the truth about cheating on her earlier this year. I knew what to expect, and she broke things off.
We broke up about 2 months ago. Over these past 2 months things have strange, but we both talked about the future as if it was far away. As if it'd be a while before either of us would comfortable move forward. We still told each other we loved each other, and we talked about how much we missed each "us". We knew the odds of us getting back together were nonexistent, but it was still comforting to be that way with each other. Fast forward to this week, we got into an argument. It was over our privacy and essentially she was allowed to check in on my social networks and things. She said she had the right to because I broke her trust. The argument resulted in her telling me not to talk to her. I knew she wanted time, so I left her alone. After a few days I caved in and called her. She told me I was being selfish and only thinking of myself and she was tired of it. She said she just wanted some time to not worry about me and enjoy herself, and I ruined that by calling her. I asked her why she checks my social networks if she wants to move on. She said it's because it'd be unfair for me to move on before her, since I cheated. And continued to say I'm selfish, and I have problems, and I shouldn't move on anyway until I fix all the things that are wrong with me. So now here I am, thinking I'm this broken piece of a mess. I feel like that crazy ex, while she's perfectly fine and capable of moving on. How do I get past this? I know there are other girls, and I know I cheated so this is what I deserve, but I don't want to be here forever. I don't want to feel like this "crazy selfish person who is incapable of relationships". | Ex broke up with me 2 months ago after I admitted to cheating. We were still close until a recent argument. Now she wants to move on completely and I'm not ready. |
t3_m2zhb | AskReddit | Fights with my wife: what do I do? | I'm not sure what to do any more...
My wife and I have been having the same fight regularly about once every few weeks. The story is basically this: she'd be having a good/great day, and I'd be having a bad/crappy day. She starts to get pissed off whenever I try to tell her how much of a bad day it is for me, and tells me to keep it all to myself and to stop dampening her good mood. Considering I was having a bad day, I start arguing back and that's usually how the fight starts.
We spent our day today outside, going to church in the morning, then visiting a bunch of different departments so that she can make returns and exchanges for some online purchases she made. I hate shopping, but I drive her to the places anyway, because I like doing stuff for her (and she's not a very good driver). We spent about a third of our gas tank going back and forth, because these departments were not in the same area, and throw in the fact that it was raining, and there's heavy traffic, and I was tired since morning to begin with. So you can see why I'd be complaining, as most guys would do I'm sure.
Oh and whenever I try to complain about something, she'd usually try to counter-complain something worse, and try to stifle my complaint.
What should I do in this situation? I'm not looking for a divorce, but I feel my wife not caring for my "negativity/pessimism" is really depressing me.
Wives of reddit, what is your reaction when your husband tells you about his bad day? | Wifey doesn't ever want me to talk to her about my bad day if I have one. What to do? |
t3_3hetll | tifu | TIFU after playing chess with a girl | This was from last year and suddenly remembered this again. I was dating this girl from a university I was studying in for a few weeks, but she called it off because she said she was not ready for a commitment. We still stayed friends after that. When I told my other friends we weren't a thing anymore, they were surprised since we still hang-out after.
One rainy day, we decided to go out and eat ramen in a place near the university. Things went well. We chatted. We laughed. It was like a date, but i was not a date. After eating, she told me she had not played chess for quite some. Since I wanted to stay with her for some more time (I still had feelings for her so I can't say no), we bought this magnetic chess board from a nearby book store and played on the eating area inside a convenience store. She was really competitive, telling me about her matches with her father etc, but she was having trouble against me. During the game, we were sitting next to each other. She was holding to my arms and resting on my shoulders. I thought this could be a good sign that she could change her mind and get back together. Being distracted by this, I accidentally made a wrong move and it looked like she was suddenly winning until I pulled off a stalemate. She was happy that I came that close to losing but then silly me blurts out (I was ashamed of losing) "I just let you win intentionally here". Upon hearing this, she looked at me for a while with serious face and walked out on me. I forgot she was super competitive and it turns out she has trust issues from the past. I blew my chance also of getting back together as well | Goes on "date" with a girl I had dated before. Almost lost to her in chess. Tells her I just made her win intentionally. She walks out. I think we can't be together anymore. |
t3_2ystyo | Dogtraining | Older dog and cat not welcoming of the new puppy. What can we do? | We recently "adopted" a six-week old, 4.5 lb. pitbull mix that mysteriously showed up cold and crying underneath our deck. We've taken her to the vet to get examined and de-wormed, and go back in a couple weeks to get her first round of vaccinations. We've had her for three days now and she's adjusting well. Crate training and potty training are going pretty smoothly, and she's getting lots of love and attention, and she's already almost up to 5 lbs. now.
We only have one problem. Our older dog and cat don't seem very welcoming of the new addition, and I'm worried it could grow into a bigger problem. We have a 7-year-old Corgi/Chihuahua mix (also recently adopted last August) who mostly likes to keep to himself and can be a bit growly when anybody enters his personal space. Naturally, puppies have no concept of personal space and that has resulted in quite a few growls. He won't let the new pup even anywhere near him most of the time, and she seems let down/distanced by it, and has even growled back at him a couple times (playfully or not, I don't know).
Meanwhile, our also-7-year-old cat who's usually completely docile and playful and has never showed any signs of aggression, ever, to anything, has shown a clear distaste for the puppy as well. For the first couple days, she hissed at her quite a few times, and mostly avoided confrontation. Last night, the puppy got a hiss and a scratch while just trying to sniff the cat. Naturally, puppy seemed a bit stunned and distanced by it.
Are these significant issues I should be trying to address somehow, or are they relatively minor conflicts that should work themselves out over time? My biggest concern is just that this pup might grow up to have a fear or aggression towards other animals, based on these experiences. Is there much we can do in a case like this? | Older cat and dog don't seem to like our new six week old puppy, and much growling/hissing and a scratch have ensued. What can we do to remedy the conflicts, if anything? |
t3_1c489p | dating_advice | Is the third date too soon for me (29F) to ask him (31M) if he's dating others/broach exclusivity? | We met on OkCupid, and I know to assume that the other person is dating others. He's a very attractive guy (red dot on OKC for anyone that has been on there), so I wouldn't be surprised if he at least has the opportunity to date other women. That being said, him and I get along incredibly well. We have similar personalities and interests, and we have great physical chemistry.
The first 2 dates went very well, and the second date ended with a lot of fooling around right up to the point of sex. I wanted to, but I didn't want to jump into sex just yet partly because I don't know if he's sleeping with others, and also because I wasn't ready. I did spend the night, and we have plans for a third date next week.
I ultimately want a relationship and not just to date around for fun. He has also said he's looking for a relationship. I actually would be fine going exclusive now with him and seeing how things progress, but I'm guessing that asking that on a third date might be too soon? I am really into him though, to the point that knowing he's dating other girls would upset me (though I have no right to be, I know). Also, the chemistry between us, I'm pretty sure that sex will happen next date. That's another reason I want to know if he's dating others or sleeping with others. I don't know I can handle sleeping with him if he's sleeping with someone else.
Is it too soon to ask him if he's dating others, or even ask him about exclusivity? How do I bring this up to not make it sound like I'm pressuring him? | Too soon to ask guy on 3rd date if he's dating others or about being exclusive. I already really like him, want to know if he's sleeping with others before sex (which I can see happening with us next date). |
t3_1j3v6y | relationships | I[26M] found out my girlfriend[20F] is planning a threesome with her best friend, without involving me. | I had picked up her phone since it fell on the floor while she was asleep, and she had several messages from people. One name I did not recognize so I just checked to see what it was about. (she checks my phone and looks through my stuff all the time, but I don't mind). Then I see this long conversation about stuff involving her best friend, planning a threesome, and the whole ordeal.
I'm trying to figure out why she would do this. We've been together for 11 months. We get a long great. Our sex life is pretty good. And we talk about marriage and having kids together all the time. Then I find out this threesome nonsense. I'm pretty open to a lot of sexual stuff, but if I'm not going to be involved in this kind of thing with her, I'm not sure what to think.
I'm pretty sure her best friend is the root of the problem. She already cheats on her boyfriend, and won't dump him because she's too scared of the fallout. I've told my girlfriend to put distance between them, but she can't seem to do it, doesn't want to do it, or won't do it. I don't like the best friend much after I found out she was cheating, and now I like her even less since she seems to be bringing my girlfriend into her shenanigans.
Do I confront her about what I found? Or try to trust that she will chicken out and realize what she's planning on doing? | gf is trying to plan a threesome with her best friend and random guy behind my back, what should I do? |
t3_42dt41 | relationships | I [21 M] left my sort-of girlfriend [21 F] and need some insight in how to proceed with another woman[23 F]. | So I will try to make this as quick as possible but if you're reading then thank you.
Since October of 2015 I have been in a weird sort of relationship with my ex (Alex 21/F) that I dated from January 2013 - December 2014. I wanted to make things work, I was in therapy, reading love-help books, etc. Fairly quickly I learned I wanted to break up with her again because I just wasn't feeling it. Nothing wrong with her, just wanted out which was the same reason I broke up with her the first time. We hadn't told anyone we were trying again and we only saw each other about once a week.
So last Saturday I was at a small group gathering where I met Steph (23/F). Steph is amazing and we hit it off pretty well but I was still kind of seeing Alex. This past Thursday I break up with Alex for good. It hurt but it was the right thing to do. Later that day I go and hang out with some friends (all who know Steph). Steph wasn't there but she invited us all back to her place to hang out later. We eventually do and as the night drags on people start leaving but I stay. Eventually it's just us and we get to talking, where it becomes clear we like each other. Well, I tell her I would like to take things slow which she seems to be cool with. I crash at her place and we sleep in the same bed together (no sex, just cuddling). Then the morning after I leave and that was that.
Now Reddit, this feels super sleazy to me just because of the incredibly unfortunate timing and I want to be fair to everyone possible. I feel super guilty and out of my element because this isn't typically the way I operate. I've only ever dated two other people in my whole life. How do I approach this with Steph, and when? If at all? Alex and I have decided it would be best to go no contact for a couple months but I would also like to be fair to her too.
If you read this then thank you, I feel kind of awful in my gut and want the best for everyone going forward. | Time between break-up and rekindling another romance very quick. How do I move forward while being fair to everyone involved? |
t3_2fn6o2 | self | We think we were drugged, any help? | Last night me and a couple friends went to a bar for ladies night (I'm not female but my girlfriend and her friends are lol) and barely had anything to drink.
Max 2 drinks each (at the bar)
We had a little to drink beforehand but not near enough to make us drunk. We're all pretty experienced drinkers and we know our limits very well.
However, when we started getting drinks at the bar from 2 different older frat guys (we are minors), it took them quite a while. No big deal, we thought, as this bar was packed with people.
We drank a small amount of our drinks, I had 2 beers, the girls had at most 1.5 mixed drinks (due to them being taken up by bouncers as they walked by). Again, we've been drinking regularly for years. We know our shit.
But last night, after not having drank for about 20 minutes, we all noticed difficulty breathing and blurred vision (okay, it's hot and smokey and crowded in this dark dive bar) so we called a DD and got a ride home.
During the ride back, we all started feeling very nauseous and dizzy. Couldn't really focus on what our driver was saying or anything really. Walking back to our room was difficult, as we needed support from leaning on things to make it back. Once in the room we almost immediately lie down.
This is when it hits us that we are fucked. As far as we remember, we were dizzy and drunk for about 2 hours before falling asleep. The whole time. I'm a big guy, and that's not normal for me. I could barely talk, think, or see. The girls also reported blurry vision, dizziness, nausea.
This morning, I still feel like shit. My urine smelled bad, and I still feel slightly disoriented.
The girls are fine, I am fine, but we're curious and this is important to our safety in the future.
All internet research has lead to results that tell us we WERE drugged.
If anyone has some insight, personal experiences, medical knowledge or good tips on prevention, please mention them below! | we think we were drugged at a bar. The symptoms match what internet research says but any info on being drugged would be extremely helpful. |
t3_2codpu | relationships | SO [F19] can't tell me [M20] how she feels | So my SO of 2 and a half years is having a bit of a crisis with herself over how she feel about me. She has always been a very closed person and not willing to share emotions, she says it is because in the past when she did she got hurt badly, so I can understand and it's never bothered me.
Recently things have changed, I moved away and we're finding it hard enough but I had this big weekend planned for her birthday. She hated it, she loved the effort I went through but she felt awful because she has never done anything like that for me, which is true. She recently came put to me and said she doesn't k ow if she loves me, or even has, she says she still 'really really really likes me and I'm an amazing boyfriend'.
When ever I ask her how she feels in the past its always been 'I dunno', she has told me she loved me before but now thinks it's only because I said it.
I've tried to be as reasonable as I can and gave her time to think about how she really feels, but I dunno like. Is it worth it if she doesn't live me at this point? Can I take it she will tell me the truth if she says she actually does?
I'd be a very open person and her being so closed I never really new how she felt. Now I'm just not to sure what to do about it | SO doesn't know if she loves me or not after 2.5 years, closed person who has no idea about her feelings |
t3_h1idd | AskReddit | I am having some trouble with an online store, and I need advice. | Almost a month ago, I purchased quite a few airsoft guns from [this] retailer. I have bought from them before, and I have not had one problem. However, this time, I received my order, and one gun was missing the clip to hold the airsoft BBs. Furthermore, two guns didn't ship because they were out of stock, but the receipt said I would be refunded for them.
I emailed them, saying I was missing the clip and I asked when I would get my refund. Well, half a month later, I hadn't received a response or a refund. I emailed again, still no response. What would you recommend I do Reddit? | A company sent me my order missing a piece and promised a refund. Two emails and no responses later, I have not been refunded. |
t3_29yimz | relationships | Me [41F] with my [46M] 5 year relationship, should I cut off all contact? | We truly dated for the first two years; he was unfaithful but we both wanted to try to work it out afterwards. However, 3 years later, we talk and text everyday from first thing in the morning to usually last thing at night. What bugs me (and we've discussed this) is that he still calls me his "friend," is unavailable for long periods of time when he's hanging out with his other (always women) friends and won't commit to working on any future plans with me (example: planning a vacation or committing to going to my brother's wedding as my date).
Everything seems like it's always last minute and based on how he feels at the moment (don't know if it's because he's controlling or just looking for a better option).
Every time I try to cut it off, I am not able to keep him at a distance for very long (I'm usually the one who calls him) and I think this is unhealthy for both of us as we both deserve to be in committed relationships (at least that's what I want).
Anyone have any similar experiences and recommendations for what I should do? If cutting off contact is the right thing to do, how do I do it? | 5 year relationship, he refuses to date me monogamously and calls me his friend (not girlfriend), should I cut off all contact? |
t3_i0cg2 | AskReddit | Help me communicate with my Iraqi neighbor! | Help Reddit!
I just moved into a new apartment on June 1st. My downstairs neighbors are an Iraqi woman and her 2 sons, who immigrated here 3 months ago. I have conversed (sort of) with her 2 teenage sons, Abdul and Mahmud and their friend, Max. They told me she is "sick" but I see her cleaning and walking the neighborhood frequently. I believe they meant Home Sick. When see her I wave and say, "Hello!" but she doesn't speak English so mostly she just waves or blows kisses. (Cultural thing?)
Anyways, this morning my Girlfriend was walking to her car and saw the woman in the parking lot. The GF smiled and said Hello, very cheerily as is her nature. Then things got strange. The Iraqi woman opened her arms to my GF and embraced her in a big hug. My GF, the sweet heart, did not hesitate and returned the hug. Then my Iraqi neighbor started to cry. The girlfriend hugged her harder for a few moments before the Iraqi woman broke the embrace. My GF did her best to console her but there is that communication barrier.
There are 6 apartments in the building. All but 1 are inhabited by young males. I've met everyone in the building except the other woman. The Iraqi woman has seen my GF around a lot so I think she reached out to her because they are both women.
I want to do something for my neighbor but I don't want to make things worse by making a cultural gaff. The GF suggested we bake her cookies, I was thinking flowers and a note...?
Maybe someone can help me with some Arabic Phrases? | Iraqi neighbor doesn't speak English, randomly gave my girlfriend a hug and started crying. Need help communicating with her, consoling her. |
t3_49aabb | relationships | Me [25 M] with my girlfriend [24 F] for six years, broke up due to her depression | Ok listen, sorry if this isnt the best post you've ever seen. I've dated her for six years, loved her, supported her even through her depression. She stopped taking her anti depressants a few years ago opting to try the natural route which I was enthusiastic about, however this didn't seem to work. Our sex life declined a lot, she withdrew from people I always offered my help and asked her to get back on antis and maybe seek therapy and she said she never wanted to get back on them and that they mess with your brain which I can totally agree with
But, We broke up, she's done this once before 2 or 3 years ago and begged me to come back, which I did bc she blamed the depression, this is a girl who I loved dearly, saved for a ring since I was 19 for her . This time she dumped me again, I feel like sit again, just started a great new job and can barely think straight , drinking a shitload. I had a moment 9f weakness texting her mom after no contact for 5 days asking if she had received treatment, bc both her and her mom are clinically depressed, her mom was hostile and mean to me after 6 years of being the perfect gentlemen
I get it, treat the guy like shit no matter what. My question is, should I take her back one more time if she agrees to get medication and therapy? Can I even take her back even if she's healthy again but her parents are idiots? | depressed gf left me, parent's hate me after being perfect gentlemen for 6 years, do I take her back if she gets help or will her incompetent parents always be a roadblock? |
t3_3r312u | jobs | Feeling Overwhelmed | I go to school part time and work somewhere between part time and full time(between 32-40 hours a week). I hate my job and my grades are slipping. Something has to give or I could just suck it up until my real career plan kicks. I'm enlisting in the Air Force and honestly just waiting for a good chance to speak to the recruiter this week, I'm thinking tomorrow or Tuesday.
I attend school 3 days and work 4 days a week. I always work 8 hour shifts, same shift everyday and maybe that's part of what's grinding me down. Or it could be the awful professors who don't teach my classes and I'm forced to self teach. Either way I'm being whiny and rambling on at this point.
So I guess the question is: Do I just eat shit for the next couple of months until I leave for Basic Training, or do I cut either job or school out of my life right now? | Work and school fighting taking all my time. I'm stressed and can't perform best at either of them. Enlisting in the Air Force this week. Do I bother dropping either work or school or do nothing? |
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