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t3_lsp44 | relationships | I don't know how to deal with my SO's low self-esteem and passive aggressiveness. Help? | My boyfriend and I (I'm a lady) have been together for about a year, and we're both 19 and sophomores in college. It's been a wonderful year, and when things are good they are so amazing, we love each other more than anything. We became fast best friends last year, and that developed into a strong relationship where we pretty much spend all of our time together and both greatly enjoy the company of the other for 18+ hours/day. We both have small anxiety issues and in the past when a problem arises it's usually from a misunderstanding, but we talk about it and then everything is fine again. However usually he won't tell me upfront there's a problem, just act distant and upset until I confront him.
He's had rough past relationships, and we were both extremely grateful/surprised to find each other in college. Usually we're incredibly happy together, but recently him telling me "I'm sorry I'm wasting your time/Do you actually still want to be with me?" has become a lot more frequent (from about once every four months to every two weeks). Whenever he gets this way it rips my heart out, and its increasing frequency is making it harder and harder to deal with. After I become upset over feeling like I'm not enough for him, he just apologizes and retreats further inside himself.
I don't know what triggers him being upset, it can come after I disagree with him on a political point, and it can come after me kissing him. Sometimes he says he thinks I'm only with him because I don't want to hurt his feelings.
I love him more than life but I don't know what to do to help. | Boyfriend's low self-esteem makes him think he's "bothering" me, and he won't confront me directly about something that's bothering him. |
t3_ss5zc | AskReddit | I got behind on student loans after my deferment period ended | I'm not sure where to turn for advice on something such as this, so I come to you reddit!
I went to college for two years fresh out of high school. I took out some student loans through Sallie Mae. I ultimately ended up dropping out and working for a couple of years. I went back to school and took out more student loans through Fed Loan Servicing. None of these are "private" student loans. I ultimately owe somewhere in the neighborhood of $20,000 in student loan debt between Sallie mae and Fed Loan Servicing.
None of that's really a big deal. I didn't end up completing my degree but I'm in a field where it's not really an issue anymore. I'm making great money without it.
Now for the problem; After my last quarter in college (before dropping out again), my deferment period ended (6 months after dropping out of course). At the time, I was going through a rough patch financially and mentally. I ended up letting my student loans get about 3 months past due. Once I realized how late they were, I immediately called them and told them about my situation. They allowed me to go on a forbearance period until I got things straight. I didn't know it at the time, but they had reported these late payments to the credit agencies (since they weren't consolidated, 7 late payments were reported). I just called Sallie Mae and they said that there is nothing that they can do to remove this from my credit even if I were to pay it off in full right now. They said it will take 7-10 years for it to automatically fall off.
Needless to say, this has completely wrecked my credit. Is there anything that I can do about this? I'm in good standing with them now and looking to pay these off completely in the next couple of years. I also have a couple of credit cards, a car loan, and have lived in several apartments (all of which have never been more than a little late rarely). I know that this is entirely my fault. I'm just wondering what my best course of action would be to rebuild my credit. | I'm an idiot and let my student loans get 60+ days past due. Despite being in good standing with them now, they say it will take 7-10 years for this to drop off of my credit. |
t3_vd6se | AskReddit | It is 'slash forward'! Not 'forward slash'! What pointless things have you been stubbornly (angrily) corrected incorrectly on. | Back story: I work IT and deal with a lot of people who think they know everything about anything. Which doesn't really bother me so long as you just let me do my job I don't care if you think or actually do know more than me. Anyway, while I was on the phone with someone telling them a url to goto so they could recover their password I said "www dot *site* dot *domain* forward slash *who haw*" To which they 'corrected' me by saying "slash forward." Now I have learned to ignore comments like these so I did, for a little bit. Unfortunately the caller couldn't figure out how to get to the site so I had to repeat the url and the whole "forward slash." Each time I said "forward slash" they would 'correct' me, with increasing annoyance. Finally after the nth correction I told them, "No, it is called 'forward slash'." Of course they didn't take kindly to being corrected and told me how they had a degree in education and were working on their phd and blah, blah, blah... zero fucks given. | Work IT, person called in. gave a url with a forward slash they profusely corrected me by saying "slash forward" |
t3_3k06ki | relationships | Me [23M, white] with my girlfriend [22F, Indian] of 15 months, engagement troubles (both feeling pressured) | Hi,
I've been with my Indian gf for 15 months and her parents have been asking her when we are going to get engaged since at least 6 months. This came as a shock to me coming from a white, Canadian family. Everybody who's ever gotten married in my family either dated for at least 2-3 years and was at least 26. We've only been dating for just over a year and we're 23 and 22. I feel like it's way too early to be getting engaged (both age-wise and dating-wise).
I know my parents will tell me I'm not ready or that I should wait longer. I'm barely out of school (graduated in April) and have just started an entry-level job so don't have many savings and she's entering her final year of university. I just feel like we're not at a position in our lives to marry, no matter how much we want to. But her parents come from a much different culture and don't seem to think that way.
I'm sure many other people have been in the same situation that I'm in. Do you have any advice? | Indian gf's parents pressuring her to get engaged to me (white) and I feel like we're not in a position in our lives to get engaged. |
t3_1o15z6 | dating_advice | [M/22] In a weird spot where I want to date/find a gf, but NOT just the sake for having one | Kinda wanna rant here. Don't know if I'll draw a conclusion from anything, but some discussion is better than none.
To be blunt, I just really like being in a relationship. I was dating a girl from september - december last year, and another one from during march and april this year. Neither ended really great (and the fallout afterwords from both was not great at all), but I was the happiest guy in the world while with them. Even knowing they weren't going to go anywhere, just having someone else was so great to me.
Both started from the girl making the first move, I'm still a bit shy that way. I like the confidence in a girl when she shows her interest in me.
So I'm wondering if playing the field and going looking for a potential mate is a good thing, when I'm not sure if I really want it, or I'm just doing it to have someone else and not be lonely ;_; Nearing 6 months of the single life. Last week while drunk, I was basically sobbing, solely being upset that I was single, and nothing else.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not necessarily unhappy while single. I just feel incomplete, and having a girlfriend would make my life totally well-rounded. | I don't like being single, but I don't want to be in a less-than-good relationship due to rushing it. |
t3_yd999 | AskReddit | Today I was asked to join a team consisting of a software developer, marketing specialist, and a financial specialist, to be the lead graphic designer/artistic director in designing apple/android apps. Care to share some wisdom? | I'm a graphic design student in my fourth year and I am very confident in my abilities as far as having an eye for aesthetics, an obsessive complex with perfecting my work, and a solid work ethic. I'll be taking on a job in which I have little experience, but I'd love to take on the challenge.
My job with the group will to control the graphic design of all logos, icons, and app interface, as well as any and all artistic/creative aspects of the applications.
This is a new endeavor for me, but it's potential is promising given the group of people I will be working with, and the experience will be priceless. I can only imagine that being lead designer for a company will look great on my resume, if needed. There's potential in the future to develop console video games with this group if this turns out to be successful.
So that said, It'd be greatly appreciated if those experienced amongst the redditors could give me some pointers, advice, and things I should know or that would save me some time/stress? Thanks guys! | Opportunity as a lead designer/artistic director in a software/app development team, but new to the game and still in college. Could use some wisdom. |
t3_4u3bke | relationships | My[30/M] husband[32/M] is hesitant about having a son. | My husband and I have been together about 8 years now, married 3. He and I decided that we're in a good spot in life, and we'd like to have kids. We were discussing how many we want, adopt/surrogate, etc. I mention that I want a boy, and he kind of freezes up. He tells me that we shouldn't get a boy. I'm thinking to myself "This is very odd." I tried to question him on it, and he refuses to answer. Whatever, I drop the subject for now. Maybe he'll change his mind.
A couple days later, we're chatting on the couch after a day at work, and I mention in passing that I have some good names for our children, if we have surrogates. These names included a boy name. He again stopped me, and told me that we're not having a boy. We got into a huge argument about it, and he gave no indication about why he's hesitant.
I decide to talk to his sister, and see if she knows anything. She and her husband know my husband better than honestly anyone, because they're so close and I'm pretty sure they tell each other everything. She essentially tells me that he doesn't want a son because he was picked so much as a teen for being gay, and he doesn't want our son potentially being bullied. (I guess he thinks that gay dads == gay sons?)
I'm honestly at a loss right now. Having a son isn't a make-or-break deal, but it's something I'd personally like. Even if he turns out gay/bi/pan/whatever, he's going to have a great support group, I think. What do I do? | Husband and I talk about kids. He doesn't want a son because he thinks the son will turn out gay and will be bullied, like husband was. |
t3_152w8x | relationship_advice | [21m] My girlfriend [21f] sort of broke up with me, i dont know how to proceed... | So my Girlfriend of 3 months just recently broke up with me, it came very suddenly as i felt like our relationship was going well, she said that she thought that everything had moved too fast and that she doesn't feel like we have enough in common so she doesn't think that the relationship will lead anywhere..
The problem is that i think she is just insecure about our relationship, because we've become serious very fast. We met up again after the initial breakup and we talked things through and while she still felt that she had made the right choice she wasent completely sure about it. she told me that maybe she just needed to think things through and then she would come back to me.
so now i have a big problem if i should just move on or wait for her?
i have a really hard time accepting that we are completely broken up because when we met up to talk about it we actually had a great time together and even kissed, and when we had to leave i really felt like she wanted to stay with me.
Im worried that if i ask her about it she will just tell me that its over for ever and that i will have lost my chance to get back together..
So what should i do now, just give her space and see what happens?
or talk to her and demand to know if its seriously over or if she just needs to think about it.
(sorry for the rant i just really needed to get it all out) | My girlfriend sort of broke up with me because she feels things have gone to fast, while still indicating that things might not be over. WHAT DO? |
t3_sioim | legaladvice | Legal Advice (MO) General Contractor | First things first, this is in SW Missouri and we do have a lawyer. However with that being said there is something definitely off with our case.
**Back story;**
We bought a house that was horribly made, we didn't know this until it started to fall down around us. We've had to invest ~10k in it so far to prevent foundation damage as well as fixes here and there. We've done mold testing and it has come back positive and all signs point to negligence of the contractor.
Here is the kicker, he admitted it and there is nothing we can do. More or less in this area a house can be made to fall apart in ~2 years and the maker can sell it, then say tough luck. Not only that the contractor can pull up our lateral lines that where placed on a portion of his property by HIM and then we would have to replace them.
We did no buy it "as-is" and nowhere in our documents does it state this.
The only thing we can do, supposedly, is have a judgement put again him. Then we have to prove he has assets (he'll just move them somewhere we don't know about), but that's after he can delay the judgement for up to 10 years. By that time the house will be in rubble.
**More information can be provided if needed. | it appears there is no legal recourse for a faulty contractor in Missouri, especially when it comes to contractors. Read above, please help! |
t3_2lqbqd | relationships | I [19F] live with an anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder, and my relationship is suffering. | the title says it all.
my boyfriend [20M] and I have been together for about a year and a half. he met me on a business trip to my hometown and ended up moving here for me. things were fine for about six months, until one day I caught him in a lie that almost ended our relationship. since then, things seem to have gone downhill, probably mostly my fault, but they have. he claims I don't appreciate anything he does because I don't wear the watch he got me for Christmas. I'm very petite and the jeweler couldn't make the watch small enough for my wrist. he says I don't let him do anything, when in fact he never tells me he has plans. he says this because I caught him at the bar with the same girl my ex boyfriend cheated on me with and I don't appreciate him going to that bar anymore. we fight daily over pointless things and I am emotionally drained. I truly do love him but lately all I can think is that I'm young and I shouldn't be this unhappy, but then it hits me that it's most likely my fault that things are this bad. he refuses to believe things are bad, he wants to marry me. he thinks it's all worth it and I'm starting to have doubts. I haven't slept for 9 nights and apparently might have a brain tumor and I'm very distraught so I apologize for this post being so scattered. | my personality disorders are causing constant fights and my inability to trust is ruining my relationship and my SO won't admit it. |
t3_2n6ci9 | offmychest | Your an asshole that I don't want to be associated with any more. | So my friend and I had an argument over a girl, I had a huge crush on her for quite a while and it had just died off because she wasn't interested, so then I find out he goes behind my back and starts texting her, I dont understand why he didn't bother talking to me before pursuing her, now I know that she's not my property but he could of at least talked to me and I would of gave him the thumbs up to go for her, but instead he hides it from me alone, he tells other people except me, so I find out one night when I'm hanging with him and I immediately get up and leave his house to go get drunk with other friends, he texts me the next day asking if I'm mad, I tell him I'm furious and that he should of at least talked to me, I win that argument and two weeks pass by... I haven't spoke to him since and I find out that him and her don't work out from some fight they had or something, he decides to text me saying how sorry he is, I "accept" his apology and we still don't speak for two more weeks after that, I usually talk to him everyday but it had been over a month since the last I spoke with him, so I see him last night at a friends house, I speak with him but not a lot, not like an actual conversion or anything, there were about 10 people at my friends house so I just talked with other people, from just listening to him talk I get mad at how much of an asshole he sounds like, he's image obsessed and a douche bag, not sure how im gonna tell him to fuck off since we have been friends for 5 years... But yea I had to get that off my chest, | Had a fight with friend over girl, didn't work out with him and her, apologizes to me but Idc he is an asshole that I don't want to be associated with |
t3_20ndjx | relationships | My girlfriend [16] lets her guy friend braid her hair almost daily, but swats my hand away and yells at me [17] when I try to | It's started arguments since the first time it happened, including on my birthday. She knows how much it bothers me. I thought that after 2 or 3 arguments, she'd start considering me. Nope. So today, I just pretended like I didn't care when deep down inside, it kills me. Sometimes she says she doesn't let him, he just does it. But then she says that the only reason why she lets him and not me is because he asks. One day it's because she needs to concentrate, but the next, she let him do it in the middle of a quiz. She says it's because I don't know how to braid. I do know how, but she's never given me a chance to show her. It hurts. I don't know what to do because she won't listen. | Girlfriend lets other guy braid her hair almost daily, swats me away and yells when I try to. Hasn't listened to a word I've said over the past dozen arguments we've had about it. |
t3_4nwejt | Advice | Friendship Problems | So my friends and I form a group of 7. In the group, a guy( let us call him A) likes a girl from the same group ( call her B). A likes B. But then, another guy in the same group ( call him C ) also likes B. So, B has a birthday. A decides to surprise her with a party all planned by himself ( and sponsored solely by him). A invites everyone in our group excluding C. B invites C ,wishing none to be left out. Bad things occur and the day ends sour ( including the party). Next day, A refuses to talk to B and C. C does not talk to A. B tries to talk to A but fails. B has normal friendship with C. Friendship or not though is a mystery as it is rumoured B and C like each other. Due to this , whole group crumbles like the cookies I eat in bed. One of the group member brings a pair of scissors for "self-defense" against the supposedly angry A. Me, scissor-guy and the two others try to mediate the conflict. Efforts in vain currently. Also, A and B used to be very good friends until something happened before this catastrophe. What should we do? | love triangle in my grp between friends A, B and C. A invites everyone except C to a surprise birthday party held by him for B. B invites C. Bad things happen. Broken group. |
t3_229fbq | relationships | Me [25 F] with my ex [27 M] - Awkward relationship | Long story short: We've broken up a couple times and gotten back together over the course of about 4 yrs. He wants back together again and I don't know how I feel. I can pin point the problems in our past relationship(s) and we've talked about them. But I can't tell if I love him anymore because I've been trying to ignore the situation.
It's an awkward situation because of our jobs. We have to see each other just about every day. There is no getting away from each other.
I've agreed to do a couple things with him either in a group setting with mutual friends or one-on-one. Both have gone ok. But something still feels off. One problem is when I agree to do something he keeps trying to stretch whatever the something is (move, concert, dinner with friends) out into something longer--like a whole-day event. When this happens I feel pressure not to disappoint him or anyone else.
He's also jealous of my male co-workers or friends. Sometimes for valid reasons, others are just dramatic.
I have discussed the possibility of not being able to do "us" again. And it broke his heart. He is very well aware of how unsure of my feelings I am. | I don't know how to approach the situation with my ex while I'm figuring out my feelings without leading him on or killing whatever "us" might still be there. |
t3_43sfk6 | relationship_advice | [23/f] sleeping with my best friend [22/m] even though I have a long distance boyfriend [23/m] who probably wouldn't be willing to do an open relationship | I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for over 2 years now, but I find myself comfortable rather than happy with our relationship. He is also 23, career driven, and wants a family with me someday. We live in different cities, which used to be okay because we saw each other every other weekend, but now that we both have full time jobs in different cities, our schedules often clash.
I love him, that's for certain, but I feel like something might be missing.
And then there's my best friend [22/m], who I have been sleeping with since my boyfriend | I am in love with my boyfriend but am sleeping with my male best friend and want to be with them both while I figure out what I want, but I don't know how to ask my boyfriend to be open to that. |
t3_4608n7 | relationships | Me [23 M] with my female friend [20 F] risk to ask her out again? | I had fallen for a girl who i got to know at our part time job. I thought i really connected well with this person so why not ask her out.
She was the first girl i asked out sober.
So to my anxiety filled ask out attempt she said "i'm not looking for a relationship right now".
Which at first i thought i would be okay with [rejection], but when ever i saw her, it felt like someone punched you in the gut, so i avoided her.
After a couple of weeks, i noticed she realized this and thought to myself that it's not fair to her, for me to treat her like that. So i sent her teasing msg about how she isn't offering me rides anymore, to which she asked for forgiveness and was glad i was talked to her.
Since that day I have tried to keep our relationship as a friends, even though she is even more friendly, she is a lot more animated around me when we conversant and more physical.
I hadn't seen her in a few weeks and was trying to avoid her, when she called me on work phone to say Hi and asked if I needed a ride home as she just finished. I still had to finish my shift so i couldn't but the fact she called to asked felt great! Since then I consistently felt this feeling while talking to her like she build me up ( or feeling of filling your cup) and I love doing the same to her seeing her smirk uncontrollably is unbelievably cute.
So last time we talked she asked how school was going, I said good I have a reason to get school done this time (one reason being she is also serious about getting school done, and i realized i want to meet someone with that drive). To which she said good when this semester is over we shall celebrate. | Is there anyway to know if she is interested in any way that i am in her, even though she already said no? |
t3_3gv8yh | relationships | Me [18 M] with my friend [18 F] for 6 months, we had a thing but my close friend got to her before me | 6 years ago I really liked this girl and proceeded to ask her out. We were in 6th grade and I guess things didn't work out. Anyways she was seeing someone and I was seeing someone, and we remained friends. Both of us broke up recently and start talking again, and feelings developed again. I tried to go in for the move but turns out my close friend already started making out with her and now they are together. I didn't want to hurt my friend so I just didn't tell the girl that I like her. But we're off to college soon and I would really like her to know I liked her. I hang out with her alot and it hurts to see her with another guy. But we are going to college soon so i dont know if its worth it. What do I do? | Im in love with a girl dating my friend and we're both off the college soon. Should I tell her I like her ? |
t3_15o1xu | relationship_advice | 21m wondering how much texting is appropriate in this situation with 21f? | This girl and I have been really close the last couple months and seemed to be heading for a relationship. She had just gotten out of a long relationship when we first got together, but things seemed to be going really well even if it was a bit fast. Then she found out her ex already has a new girlfriend, and she realized she's not ready to be with anyone. She was up front and honest with me about the fact that she wants to give me the best chance I can, and right now she can't do that and she doesn't want to string me along. She's told me this isn't an excuse for her to go off with a bunch of other guys looking for something better, she wants to focus on herself for a while. I honestly do feel we still have a shot in the future, it'll just take some time for her to figure herself out.
I've realized we can't hang out as much or text as much as we used to since I need to give her space. In terms of hanging out, I think we'll hang out occasionally and it'll be fine, we're just no longer gonna be like "I'm bored, come over and hang out". I've gotten used to texting her almost all day, but now I've got to dial that back. How much should I dial it back? I don't want there to be no texting, I still want to talk to her to be her friend and also show I'm still interested in her, while also giving her space.
She's been away this past week, so she told me all this stuff about needing to figure herself out while she was there. When she comes back, I know we're gonna discuss all this and figure out our hanging out/texting situation, she's made it clear she still wants to do all that as well. The best thing I could come up with is that I'd try and check in every day just to see how her day is going, talk to her a little bit at the end of each day or something. Is that still too much talking to her? | Chasing this girl, still have a ways to go because she needs to get over her ex, need advice about texting her without going overboard while still showing my interest in her. |
t3_3aq8g1 | relationships | Am I in the wrong? Me [22 F] asking my SO [24 M] to compromise. | My SO (24, M) and I (22, F) just had a tense discussion that left me feeling hurt.
I told him that I didn't want him to partake in drugs (cocaine, particularly - we're both 420 friendly) because of a traumatic event that happened last year where I had a close friend OD in my arms. He told me that if I loved him I wouldn't ask him to change who he was, and that he only uses once a year with a close friend because of some silly pact they made when they were 18-19 and in college.
This is one of many concessions that he has refused to make in our relationship, and I feel like he constantly disregards my feelings if it conflicts with his own personal desires.
It particularly hurts because I feel like I've conceded on so many points for the better of our relationship. For example: I recently turned down an offer of relocation for my job because I knew it would be detrimental to our relationship.
Am I in the wrong for feeling hurt that I seem to be making all the concession in the relationship? | My SO won't compromise on anything because he thinks I should love him for who he is. I feel like if he loved me, he'd consider my feelings more. |
t3_1a8axw | relationship_advice | I [20/m] just had a fight with my girlfriend [20/f] | I called her while I was on my way back from class to wake her up from her usual nap that way we could go eat lunch together. She said she wasn't really hungry but she would come with me. I said, "Okay, well I think I'm going to go to x. See you there?" She said something to the effect of "I don't really want x." I was confused as she had just told me she would come with me anyways. She basically told me to just eat alone, which would have been fine if she started out with that. I was pissed off and I got off the phone, got my food, and brought it back to my room. She apologized, albeit wordily, and I apologized for getting so frustrated over it. She kept making comments like "You really hurt my feelings" even after I'd apologizing for getting too pissy. Eventually I told her that it this situation was her fault because she had pulled that switcheroo crap on me earlier instead of just telling me one thing and sticking to it. She starts crying and has to leave for class and I don't want her to leave upset so I say "Hey" as she's walking out the door. She didn't turn around. I said it 3 times before grabbing the doorknob and yanking it open just as she closed it behind her. Immediately she starts crying and does this flinch thing at me like I'm going to hit her or something. I was trying to give her a hug and tell her that even though I was mad and upset, I still loved her and we can talk about it later. But she ignored me and it made me angry so I yanked on the doorknob. She keeps crying and I finally manage to calm her down a bit. I kept hugging her telling her I wasn't angry. It really hurt when she told me she was scared of me. I've never hit her, or even touched her in any way like that. I don't understand why she's afraid of me. She left for class and I haven't talked to her yet. Wth just happened. | Got in an irrational fight (I guess that's redundant) w/my gf. She cried, we argued. I scared her somehow. Wtf. |
t3_14rdct | relationship_advice | [17/m] My friend [16/m] is being used by the girl he likes, can't seem to tell him | Okay, so my friend (16/m) is being essentially used as a pawn by a girl that he quite obviously used to like, and still has feelings for. Apparently, she caught on, and even though she is in a relationship with someone already, is constantly flirting with him, hugging him, stroking his arm, shit like that. However, it seems to me that she does this only for the purpose of using him. When she doesn't understand schoolwork, she comes whining to him. If she needs anything done and is just too lazy to, she tells him to do it, and he immediately agrees. I don't think I have ever seen him say no to anything she asks him to do, no matter how difficult a task. Another friend of mine [16/f] has already confronted him about this, and he blatantly refused to talk about it, writing it off as a nonexistent problem. He's the only one who doesn't see it. I just don't know what to tell him, if anything. | My friend is being used by a girl who he has feelings for (though she is in a relationship with someone else), and he doesn't see it. How do I tell him? |
t3_4ym47x | dating_advice | Meet a girl on bumble; started txt'ing then nothing | /r/dating_advice -
Recently met this amazing girl on Bumble. After a two days of simple chats through the app I gave her my number and suggested if that was easier she could txt me; which she did. Txt's were going ok and she would responded right away or within the hour.
The other day, feeling like it was time to meet in person, I asked if she had plans for the weekend and her response was just for Friday. After a few more simple messages she said she "brb have to drive". During this I said, of course don't txt and drive and that if her plans fell throw or if she had some time and wanted to do something that I would love to take her out. No txt back.
It's been three days and don't know if I should send another message, maybe apologize for being too forward, or just chalk it up and move on. Suggestions? | meet a girl on bumble, txt'd for a few days. Once I asked her out she stopped responding. What do I do? |
t3_1wwa1o | relationships | Is it normal that I [F/21] want nothing to do with ex-boyfriend? [M/24] | Basically, I was dating a guy for a year and a half. He was my first boyfriend and I'm realizing now that the reason I stayed with him so long was that I was scared to be alone again/scared no one else would want me as well as I was too scared to hurt him and end the relationship.
But I finally broke up with him a little over a month ago for many reasons... his inability to hold a job, his immaturity, his lack of focus, the fact that he talked so much that I could never get a word in etc.
Before we dated we were best friends so I promised that after I broke it off we would remain best friends.
But now... I seriously just want nothing to do with him. Every time I talk to him everything he says annoys me, which isn't normal for me because I'm a very patient person.
He also acts like he was the greatest love I'll ever have in my life which pisses me off.
And I'm also incredible annoyed by the things he talks about and how he handles the situations in his life. | I thought I'd need him as a friend after the break up but now I just cringe every time he contacts me. Is it normal to feel this amount of disdain for someone you used to love even if you were not in love? |
t3_3ectel | relationships | Me [30's M] with my ex [20's F] 8 months, We broke up, I found her dating profile and got her interest in a fake account. First date? | I found that my ex-SO whom I have moved state/province for, and breaking up 6months later, has listed herself as available on online dating sites within a week after we broke up.
I took the initiative and created a profile that I thought she'd might be in to, and I have her interest.
Now that I have her hooked, all I want to do is catch the surprise on her face when I get to arrange the first meeting where I show up.
We didn't leave on the best terms, so I feel this might be an angle to shock and surprise her into facing me and talking things over face to face.
How bad can this get? | Found my ex-SO online dating profile a week after breaking up and got her interest in a fake profile, not sure how the date will go... |
t3_2llgux | relationships | Is it possible for me [21, F] to forgive my boyfriend [21, M] for cheating on me? | Disclaimer, I haven't spoken to him yet but I will tonight when he gets home.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I am very much in love with him and honestly thought we would be moving in together in the near future. We currently live about 90 miles away from each other and have for most of our relationship.
I'm staying with him for the weekend and just got in last night. This morning I read his Facebook messages (yes, I'm a terrible person, lets talk about my trust issues, blah blah blah) and saw that last weekend he went home with another girl. He also has been telling people he doesn't have a girlfriend.
I don't have the emotional stability to explain the background of our relationship right now, but basically this is not the first time he has done something to break my trust. It took a long time for me to trust him again as much as I did, and now that is all gone. I still need to talk to him about the situation and we'll have to figure out where to go from here.
My questions are: how do I bring this up? has anyone successfully salvaged a relationship like this? is it possible that I could forgive him and we can move past this?
I'm incredibly hurt, upset, angry, and betrayed right now, but under all that I still love him so much and I'm just not sure what the next steps to take are. Side note - I'm staying with him 90 miles away from home for the weekend, so it's going to be difficult for me to get away from him for the next few days. I could leave and drive home or to my parents house (both 1 1/2 hours away), but I honestly don't feel safe driving myself right now because of the emotional state I'm in. | boyfriend cheated on me, how do we talk about it and can we get past it, or is our relationship over no matter what |
t3_hfbbg | self | Need advice, very confused. | In January, my then-girlfriend came over my house wasted, and forced me to have sex with her. By force, I mean she threw herself at me, took off my pants, and got on top of me. She was so drunk that she couldn't even orgasm, which led her to her getting pissed off at me and refusing to talk to me until she passed out. This ultimately led to us breaking up in March, because after this situation I wasn't attracted to her anymore, physically or emotionally. A week after we broke up, I took a friend on a date, and my ex found out flipped out on me, and accused me of cheating on her. Even over a month later, she tells all her friends & coworkers (which are mine, too, we work at the same hospital) that I cheated on her, and is constantly telling them things about me that are private. Not a lot of people like me at work, so I don't get the chance to give my side of the story, and even if I did, no one would want to hear it, and if they did, no one would believe me. Recently I tried to contact her just to clear things up, but before I got to say anything to her, she started cursing me out, telling me that I am a loser and and asshole, etc., etc., and then random numbers started texting my phone saying similar things. So basically, I just need advice on what to do, how to confront this/her, or anything anyone has to offer. Thanks. | Girlfriend forced me to have sex with her, leads to break up, now tells friends/coworkers of mine that I cheated on her and my secrets. Need advice. |
t3_41kzam | relationships | Coworker [30sF] asking me [27F] to do her job | I am currently juggling between three jobs. In reality, I'm trained as a teacher, but haven't been able to find a full-time job in this small town yet. No worries, that'll come one day, and I'm happy with how things are going right now!
At one of my jobs, I teach English which I love. One of the secretaries is in charge of receiving calls from clients, organizing groups, etc.
Last semester, I had a bit of a nightmare because she paired advanced learners with beginners. We ended up sorting that out and after that, she asked me to conduct assessments with prospective clients. She told me to write the minutes on my timesheet. So I spent some extra time figuring out an assessment system and doing these 10 minute phone calls. I had to figure out an assessment system on my own time. Fine, whatever.
I don't think her boss knows I'm doing the assessments for her, because when I mentioned it in front of the boss, she gave me a 'wink' and I shut up right away. The whole situation struck me as odd.
Now she is e-mailing me and asking me to call previous clients and ask them if they'd like to renew for more group sessions. She said she has previously called them but they have not called back. In her e-mail, she made it seem like it's a favour I'd do for free, but is it fair to do these things if I'm not going to get paid? I'm not sure how to respond to her. She's a lovely person otherwise. | Secretary at job asking me to reach out to clients when it's not my job to. Now she's asking me to phone clients as a favour and I'm not even sure I'll get paid. |
t3_sz0gc | AskReddit | What's something you've done that has made someone else extremely uncomfortable/miserable? | Allow me to get things started. When I was eighteen, I dated the Swedish foreign exchange student from my school for a year. Then he returned to Sweden, and I waited six months to save up enough money to go visit him for Christmas and New Years. We spent two weeks together, and then I had to return home. Being young, I was utterly and hopelessly in love, so I boarded my plane to return home alone and cried. I tried my absolute hardest to keep it to a dull sniffling, but it was just beyond my control. I cried for the entire eight hour flight home. My shoulders shook, my nose ran, and the flight attendants avoided me like the plague. When I got off the flight and saw my family, I ran to my dad and finally openly bawled. People at the airport must've thought someone had murdered my firstborn child.
Now, I look back and feel just horrible for the person who sat next to me. He was a young man in his early thirties I'd guess and seemed to be one of those tough guys, so my crying made him extremely uncomfortable. After about the first hour, I tried to pull myself together because I was aware of how miserable this guy appeared to be. He didn't say anything to me, he just gave me some napkins from his leftover airport meal (something like cinnabon), which just set me off again because of how nice I thought it was to do for such a pathetic person as myself. I still feel horrible for that poor man. He sat through my quiet sobbing for eight agonizing hours. He never spoke a word to me and when the plane landed, he just kind of gave me this look like "feel better?" and got off as fast as humanly possible. I ruined his flight. Couldn't ever properly enjoy Ratatouille. Poor guy.
Man, if you're a redditor and by some chance you see this, I am so incredibly sorry - four years later and I still feel just awful for you.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who has done something of this nature. | Cried for eight straight hours on my flight from France to Chicago, poor sap had to sit next to me and uncomfortably pretend not to notice the entire time. |
t3_34hcvv | relationships | Guys, help me(26f) understand this situation. Was dating a guy (32m) but he broke things off because he didn't want to get serious. | Dated him for a month or two, got along great, lots of sexual chemistry over text and when we were together. We didn't want to rush things so we held off on sex but there was lots of foreplay. One night we had a quicky and things kind of went sour from there.
He got cold feet and said that things are getting serious and he couldn't do that as things with his ex were still 'complicated.' So I stopped talking to him.
However, he still likes all my social media posts and photos, yet there has been zero communication since the incident. I find this behaviour weird and I don't understand. | was dating someone who broke things off cause things were getting serious, but continues to like my social media posts/photos. |
t3_um92t | AskReddit | What's one secret you could never tell your parents? | Here's Mine:
My parents are super fundamentalist Christians involved in church; my father is a pastor and my mother teaches Sunday school. I've been an atheist since I was 17 (20 now) and it was a huge struggle to keep it a secret, but I am fully aware of the consequences that would entail should I tell them the truth; they would probably disown me, and both get nervous breakdowns as they are immutable in their beliefs. I respect them enough to not disrespect religion in front of my parents, but keeping this secret has been eating away at my relationship with them. This led to me developing depersonalization syndrome as the depression that ensued overwhelmed my life, and so far it's extremely hard not to go a day without headaches from the stress. I can't ever tell them the truth because I love my parents too much (They would believe I would burn in hell for all eternity). This of course, will deteriorate my relationship with them in the future as well since my life will be further complicated by any major life decision (who I will marry, what I will teach my kids, what habits i could be open about, etc. ) | My parents are fundamentalist Christians, I'm an atheist, won't tell them and resolved not to tell them, at the cost of major depression and the direction of my life. |
t3_2qpmwq | relationships | I [23M] have a crush on a single mother [27F] who hasn't been in a relationship in a long time. We like each other, but there are issues... Could use advice. | I'm going through a divorce, and her grandfather just died. We had already tried starting a relationship, and it lasted a couple of weeks but we ended up breaking it off as she just had too much on her mind and can't focus on a relationship right now. About 2 days after we gave it a shot is when her grandfather passed, the timing was pretty bad. I also happen to be going through a divorce as my (soon to be) ex-wife cheated on me, several times, with my "best" friend.
She says she still likes me and wants to be with me, and I want to be with her. It drives me crazy, as much as I want to be with her, I know right now is just not a good time. She wants to have some time to grieve and for me to finalize my divorce. I understand all that, but I also can't help but think that maybe this is her way of just trying to let me down easy. Given, she hasn't been in a relationship with anyone in nearly 3-4 years.
How do I go about this situation? I already reassured her that I'm still here if she needs me, and I try to at least text her good morning every morning. Should I keep at it? Should I leave her alone for awhile? I don't want to blow my chances with her if I still have one, but I also want her to know I'm still here without seeming obsessive or creepy. | I like a woman who's a single mother, her grandpa recently died and I'm going through a divorce. We like each other, but the timing is bad. What do I do? |
t3_1lol6p | weddingplanning | [Rant/Advice] Disappointed About Shower | Hey all,
I'm feeling really disappointed and need some advice.
Background: a few of my friends from home had offered to throw me a "pseudo" shower before my bachelorette party they're hosting because no one else offered to throw one, but seemed to not really be into planning it. I was talking to one of my school friends about it and she offered to throw me a full-blown shower. So I invited school friends to the shower down by my university, hosted by the school friend - invited home friends to the bachelorette party and "pseudo" shower.
Disappointment: The RSVP date was Sunday and only 1 person had responded that they were coming, a few others said maybe. I texted and sent fb messages to my friends asking for their response after the "due date" had passed. Grand total, 2 yeses, 3 maybes... out of 22. The girl that had offered to host it was going to be flying in from out of state to throw this shower. She decided that she can't justify spending the money to fly in for 2 guests. I don't blame her, I'm just really disappointed that it's cancelled because very few people wanted to come/could make it. | friend offered to fly in from out of state to throw me a shower, got cancelled because only 2 out of 22 said they were for sure coming. |
t3_19hy0s | relationships | I (19m) am deeply in love with (18f), how do I get rid of it? | We have been in an off and on relationship for 5 years, dating half year, splitting up for a year etc. Now we are in a dating phase, working on a relationship we both want.
Now here's the thing, I am deeply in love, and I know she isen't that much as me, I want to take 100 steps at a time, she wants just 1 step. I KNOW this isen't going to work out in the end and I dont want to be hurt after all.
People might ask, why dont you want to have all these feelings? Well, we had one fight and i've been up for few days, even cried abit (wtf<im19) and it all means much to me, while she just been upset and didn't even want to talk about what happend (I think what happend isen't relevant to my quesiton so I won't put it up)
What can I do to not be hurt in situations like that, if it ends bad how do I deal with it and how do I just move on with her, but prepare for the worst?
(Sorry if it all sounds messy, I dont know how to put this in other words and all grammar/spelling mistakes please correct them I also need to learn) | I'm deeply in love, after fight I want to be able to set my feelings abit back to not be all upset whenever we fight or whatever happens. |
t3_1pce75 | relationships | I [22 M] am trying to plan how I want to ask my girlfriend [21 F] of two years to marry me. | My girlfriend and I have been very open through our relationship about what we want in terms of marriage, children, career aspirations, etc. We will have been together two years this December.
Recently, we went together and looked at engagement rings and she settled on the one she wants. A couple of weeks later, I went and bought it.
I have talked to my parents [50M and 50F] about it after I purchased the ring. I regret not telling them more about our relationship before now. Now, I think they feel like we're rushing things. They have met her and we have all spent time together on many occasions. They tell me they like her and they told me they are happy for me/us, but they want to make sure I am happy. But we have been serious about our relationship for a long time, are very close, and have talked about what we want. More importantly though, we are happy with our relationship. Just under some stress lately.
I am trying to plan on when and how I want to ask her the big question. She keeps saying it doesn't matter how I ask her - she just wants the ring. I've told her I want when I ask her to be romantic and I want to have a plan.
That's where I'm stuck. I am not really sure how I want to ask her.
I am planning on asking her around March. She graduates from nursing school in May. I recently graduated this past May and have been living at home still to save up money before moving out. I am going to move into an apartment on my own from my parents around April/May. She will move in soon after she graduates.
We've got a lot of stuff coming up in a few months and it is stressing her out, which, in turn, is stressing me out. Help me make the most of when I ask her, please. | I'm trying to plan a creative and romantic way to ask my gf of 2 years to marry me. Want to be more open with my parents about it. Help please! |
t3_2ees4q | relationships | Me [21F] thinking about moving in with boyfriend [32M] who lives in Europe & met 3 months ago. Parents + friends are against it. am I crazy? | This summer I traveled through Europe for 2 months with my best friend and while there I met a great guy who is from Paris. We spent 3 weeks together at the beginning of my trip where he decided to join us in our travels and then 1 week before I came back to the the U.S. During that time I met his parents and friends and as ridiculous as it sounds I am completely irrationally in love with him. Now that I am back in the U.S. we are trying to figure out how to make things work or make sense of what our relationship even is. We skype almost every day and we text whenever we get the chance to, but it never feels like enough.
Since he is older our lives are obviously out of sync. He is well established into his career while I still have 1 year of school left, which is why he suggested that I should move to Paris with him. At first the idea seemed crazy but the more I think about it the more I have grown to like it. I have been looking into grad schools in Paris and also internships.
When I informed my parents about my plans to do so they immediatly disagreed and said I was acting foolish and being unreasonable without giving me a chance to explain the way I feel. My parents have always been extremely supportive of my decisions and I always look to them as a voice of reason when I need advice but this time they seemed to be completely bias so I want to make sure I am not making the wrong decision.
If I'm not going to move out there then I would end the relationship since it would seem like our distance gap will never close but If I do decide to move there then there is something for both of us to look forward to.
I am completely torn I would just love some imput if anyone has been in a similar situation and it worked out or if this just seems like something completely doomed and I am being irresponsible. help! | Met a guy from France while backpacking through europe, fell in love, now we are trying to workout a LDR. He suggested I attend grad school in Paris but parents disagree & I am feeling discouraged. Help! |
t3_2wraqi | tifu | TIFU by wiping | Happened a few days ago.
So, I'm just using the bathroom. You know, No.2. And you look around to find some toilet paper, and there is none. Well, crap. What am I gunna do now? I knew I couldn't skip the wiping, it was one of those you just couldn't. So I decide to stand up and look around. Maybe there was an extra! I looked in some of the cabinents, and other places, but unfortunatly found nothing. Again, crap. Then I get this funny idea. Maybe there's one in the trash! I waddle over, and to my relief, there is some in there. It's a bit wet, so my first instinct is that is was dropped in the toilet. The first thing I ask to myself is, was there anything in the toilet? Then I remember I saw someone in the house drop one in while walking by to grab a towel, so I assume I am safe. Boy, was I wrong. I use some of the wet toilet paper, and now I'm all clean. Eh, one more wipe will do. Mind you that I used about half the thing doing it. So, I go to grab the paper, and I feel something funny where the roll should be. It was on its side, so I did not see the roll. I flip it upwards and find inside *a used tampon*. I am the kid of the house, and how that is even possible is beyond me. But yup, it was all in there. I try not to blow chunks as I run out of the room, for now I have not just poop up my butt, but period. | I ran out of toilet paper, so I used trash paper from a wrapped tampon. Period blood and urine up my butt.. |
t3_hilqd | loseit | A question about weight loss vs. body fat loss | Aloha.
In the past 13 months, I've went from 233 to 181 (I'm in the LoseIt Hall of Fame thing [here](
I got to this point using MyFitnessPal, monitoring everything, but generally focusing on the logic that staying under the allotted calorie limit would lead to results (which it has).
I still have a slight amount of torso fat left, so my question is:
By continuing what I'm doing, would it be foolish to assume that eventually I will get lean/cut if I continue things the way I'm going? I've always been a patient person, so waiting another few months to burn off the remaining fat isn't an issue.
I'm just asking because the goal of my efforts (beside the obvious health benefits) is to have (cue TV commercial voice) a "lean, sexy core". | Will sustaining a caloric deficit to lose weight lead to a body fat loss that would in turn lead to a defined midsection? |
t3_4d6i5i | relationships | (personal) How to tell SO (m30) of 1.5 years that I think I (f30) have hpv? | UPDATE: i ended up telling him, i couldnt keep it in. I explained one of us could get it from any one we have been with and I'm getting confirmation tomorrow. He was very understanding and is going to get info from his doc as well as an assessment. I asked him what we do if I'm right and he said we will deal with it as "it is what it is" and told me not to worry. Fingers crossed I'm wrong but I think the relationship will be ok so long as I can cope.
Ok so I'm on mobile and am stressed to the max so please bear with me.
Last night I noticed a bump down there a little bigger than the tip of a ballpoint pen and it isn't an ingrown. I'm freaking out that it could be it's a wart and I am guessing its probably hpv. I am skipping class tomorrow to go to a walk in clinic to get it figured out.
I feel like I need to tell my bf asap as he is also going to the doctor tomorrow for something unrelated and he could bring it up with the doctor as a precaution. I'm also scared he will break up with me. I know a lot of people say hpv isn't a huge deal and from what I have read it isn't a death sentence but I think he would disagree. Most because of stigma ("warts/STIs are my worst nightmare" kind of comments) and because I don't think he would bother educating himself about it and would stand strong with that opinion. Which I guess is his right, but the doctor tell him about it.
Do I tell him what I may have found now before both of our appointments? Or do I wait for a diagnosis and then get him to go to the doc again if I'm right?
Please any advice is appreciated. I know I sound like a hypochondriac but I know what I see isn't normal. | think I may have a wart...need to decide to tell my bf before or after my doc appointment so he could ask his doc and get informed. Afraid of his reaction. |
t3_sbvxc | relationship_advice | Need help about a girl. | Okay Reddit I need some help.
-Some back story-- We are both high school seniors that are going to the same college next year.
-Been pretty good friends for about a year.
-We're both in pretty popular circles of friends.
-Winter of this year there was a contest at the school like American Idol.
-Nobody knew I could play guitar/sing until I spontaneously came out and did it and won.
-I got a pretty substantial amount of girls that became interested in me after that.
-She also did the competition and came in 2nd.
-Theatre teacher signs us up for her musical class, where we are the two leads that have to kiss.
-Kiss her for the first time and start to actually fall for her.
-Now Im going crazy over her but she has a boyfriend that is a year younger than me that I think I am superior to.
-Want to tell her how I feel about her but dont want to make it awkward doing this play if she doesnt feel similarly. | Crazy over this girl who has a boyfriend, but we have casually been texting/ kind of flirting for a few days. In a play and dont want to make it awkward. What do I do? |
t3_2zuvwb | relationships | Me [26 M] with my fiancee [23 F] 4.5 years, is scared of our kids inheriting her families mental health issues | I want children, but my fiancee doesn't. This is because her family has a history of mental health issues, and her (adult) sister who is mentally ill has proved to be a lifetime commitment for her parents. When we got together she did want kids and since then the subject didn't really come up again until recently, after we got engaged.
We are getting married in August, and the date is pretty set for immigration reasons (we are moving to a new country). I don't want children now, but it is important to me further in the future. Part of me wonders (hopes?) if her views on children will change in the future, she is still young after all. I love her and am very happy with the idea of building a life with her.
I've tried talking with her about this, but we always seem to reach an impasse where she says that if we did have a child who needed long term care that I would have to 'quit my job and take care of it'. I'd like to think its obvious that if something like this happens then the child would be my main priority, but I would like to think it to be something that we work through as a couple, not my sole responsibility.
I screwed up a conversation today and upset her when I suggested that if such a thing happened, we could for example get (pay for) external help. I guess she wanted an emotional response and I went into problem solving mode...
If anyone has any insight into this situation, or what might be going through my fiancees head I would appreciate it. | I love my fiancee, getting married in August. She has recently decided that kids are off the table because of her family history of mental health issues. I still want kids. |
t3_3dyjai | relationships | Me [21F] with my ex-friend [21M] of 4 years (friends for 3, ex for 1), wants to hang out. Advice? | Let's keep it short. My friend "Mark" had been good friends with me for 3 years. During the summer we'd hang out nearly everyday and during the school year we'd keep in touch. He's always been kind of volatile, ranging from really clingy and friendly to cold and kind of mean-spirited. I never really cared because I chalked it up to him being my "sassy gay friend" and just saw this as part of his personality.
However, this past summer (2014), he started to be really cold towards me. He invited me out once during the summer to go swimming with him and some friends at our favorite swimming hole and he pretty much ignored me the entire time. That's the only time he asked me to hang out that summer. All the other times I saw him was due to our mutual friends and he also pretty much ignored me during those times as well. During the school year, I messaged him about 3 times trying to catch up and each time he "saw" it and ignored it. At that point, I was so fed up with him that I blocked him on facebook and deleted his contact. I didn't give him any explanation, I just did it. He never tried to contact me. I never understood what made him turn, but again I accept that he is a volatile individual and sort of manipulative, so I don't think it was anything that I did.
Now, a good and mutual friend of ours is in town and I've heard through him that Mark wants us to all hang out like old times, but I'm not so sure that I want to give in to that. I feel like if I agreed to hang out with him, he'd see this as me accepting his shitty behavior.
Should I just keep on with him out of my life? Should I have a conversation with him about how his behavior made me feel? Or am I overreacting and should I sweep it under the rug?
_ | Used-to-be friend who gave me the cold shoulder for a year is now asking to hang out again. What do? |
t3_24wzm4 | relationship_advice | (21/M) I think my girlfriend is emotional abusive (21/F) | We have been together since we were seniors in high school. It was both of ours first serious relationship and we have had a lot of firsts together.
It seems like the past year and a half I haven't felt normal, and I don't even know what normal is supposed to feel like. I feel like everything I do is not good enough for her. Often times I feel like I can't tell her exactly what I am thinking because I think it will hurt her. I have told her this and she always reassures me that she can handle whatever it is. That always leads to a subsequent fight and makeup almost every single time.
She assigns chores for our apartment, and recently made a "rule". We have to take turns taking the dog out. I find myself taking the dog out almost all the time because she has some sort of excuse for not being able to do it. "Its too dark out", "I just got out of the shower", "I have to leave now". If I can't for some reason she gets angry with me. When I call her out for being hypocritical she gets more upset. It seems like such a stupid thing to argue about.
I feel like I have to ask to go visit a friend. I get angry with myself because I feel like I am asking a parent to go to a friends house. What am I in elementary school? While I am at said friend's houses she always seems "sad" and says she misses me and makes me feel guilty for leaving. I see my friends probably a few times a month. I try to show her that I am okay with anything she wants to do and I never act that way towards her. I let her do anything she wants.
I could go on with more examples but I believe you guys get it.
I upped the ante because I recently signed a lease a few months back. I feel like I know what I have to do but I am scared of her reaction, her family's reaction (whom I love dearly), and my own financial repercussions. | Girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years and she makes me feel guilty and oppressed. We recently signed a lease for our apartment but I don't know how much more I can take. |
t3_3hlof1 | relationships | I [F24] treat romantic relationships very differently than friendships. I have more success with friendships. Help? | I'm not sure what the balance between not jumping/diving into a relationship very quickly versus being cold, versus showing your love should be. Sometimes it feels like I'm not giving enough, sometimes it feels like I'm giving too much, too soon.
I have a best friend. I would probably give everything to her if she asked for it and we're very unselfish towards each other. We help each other grow and learn and even though our paths will eventually diverge at some point, I'm confident that we'll still be best friends. I'm comfortable around her and I feel really relaxed. Like she won't judge me for being clumsy, or scatter-brained and accept my flaws. I love her.
WHY CAN'T I HAVE RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THIS? Shouldn't a good relationship be just like a best friendship, but I dunno, with sex and deeper? I treat romantic relationships in its own separate category with its own expectations and I don't know how to navigate it. I've had so many failed relationships and I don't know what I'm doing differently. What's the difference? | I always thought a good romantic relationship was like a best friendship but maybe deeper and with sex. But subconsciously I treat them very differently. Advice? |
t3_48ml3z | relationships | Do I [23F] have the right to me upset at my mom[48F] for what she said? | My mom and I have never been super close as far as our relationship goes. It's never been bad in my opinion, we just never had that mother daughter best friend thing going on. Almost a year ago I moved away from home to live with my boyfriend and now we live 3 hours away. We try to come and visit at least once a month. They have came to visit us once, when they helped me move. Last weekend we went out to spend the weekend with my parents and my grandmother.
We all ended up drinking together at home and all was fine until an argument broke out and where I found out my mom told my dad that I had had an abortion about 2 years ago. While it dosn't bother me to talk about now, when it happend I was pretty embarrased about it. I had no one to talk to about it or ask for advice or help. My best friend had just recently had a baby and my one other close friend is a guy, so I confided in my mom about being pregnant and that I had already made an appointment. She seen that I was crying and gave me a hug and told me not to worry, that it would be okay and she would be there for me. I begged her not to tell my dad, even know I was an adult I really didn't want that sort of things to be family news. She told me she wouldn't tell and I believed her.
Turns out she told him (and probably had many conversations about it with her best friend who already knew because she was my boss and asked why I couldn't come in to work). This all came out last weekend when we went to visit. When I told her I asked her not to tell she said "That's my partner, we tell eachother everything." And I understand that, but there was no reason for her to even mention it! She didn't come to the appointment, so it's not like she had to make an excuse for not being home and I have never brought it up in any other context. My trust in her is broken at this point and she thinks she did nothing wrong. Please tell me I'm not crazy! | Mom thinks she did nothing wrong by telling my father about me having an abortion even after I begged her not to tell anyone. |
t3_tjqfw | BreakUps | SO is moving to another country. Mutual breakup. What should we do before our last goodbye? | My girlfriend (20) and I (21 male) have been together for almost a year now, however she's going to be moving to another country in about a month. She'll be living there for at least 6 months, but possibly more (she may end up permanently living there). We've decided that breaking up is the best thing to do. She doesn't know how long she's going to be living in Europe, it could be 6 months, it could be forever, and so rather than both of us wait on each other for an unknown length of time we figure we should break up now, rather than over Skype in perhaps 6 months.
We wouldn't want our awesome relationship to fizzle and die slowly over LDR. We think it would be better to say our goodbyes face to face, though we intend to stay in contact and be friendly online (Facebook/Skype/etc.), but maybe after a couple of months of no contact at first.
I'm 21 and I'm not planning on moving anywhere in the forseeable future. We're very much in love, but it is our first major relationship since we're young. I'm hopeful we'll get back together later, and she says she'd like that too if she does ever come back.
So my question is: With this impending deadline, is there anything that we should make sure we do before she goes? Anything we should talk about or say? Or anything in particular that I should do? Any general life advice for a 21-year-old guy going through this? Thank you. | GF and I are breaking up since she's moving to another country. Is there anything important we should do before she leaves? |
t3_3wetjt | relationships | [31 M] problems with [30 F] oversharing online about her sons dads recent arrest for drug dealing. | About 6 weeks ago my Fiance's ex husband was arrersted for dealing cocaine and possession. Now this would be no problem for us but they have a ten year old together that we have custody of and he is taking it very hard. I've had a few encounters with the guy and hes not some drug lord king pin just your typical bottom feeder type junkie looking to make a few bucks. Probably wouldn't hesitate to lift a few bucks from his sons wallet if he got the chance. The issue is that we've been dealing with this together because her son is taking it very hard, he actually pulled a knife out of the block and threatened to harm himself.. Of course we got him to a counselor immediately and we've been doing everything we can to be there for him and make sure it doesnt happen again.. Anyways my fiance is literally documenting the whole thing on facebook and I feel like this is a very private matter. Also it would be different if she was reaching out for advice but her latest status update was "when your son writes a letter to santa wishing for his Dad to be released from jail" and to me this feels like shes using her sons plight as a disgusting grab for attention.. Shes a textbook over sharer when it comes to her online presence as it is and I don't know if shes subconsciously dealing with her anxiety this way.. Or what.. But it bothers me sooo much that shes sharing this with 700 people and I just don't know how to bring this up to her without her getting upset. Or am I wrong? (sorry if this is messy, on mobile) | wife sharing sensitive information as a potential grab for attention on facebook.. Am I wrong for thinking she needs to reel it in a bit? |
t3_21pmpe | relationships | [21 M] feeling like my [20 F] S/O is holding out for "better options" | I've been with this girl for 3 months now, and they've been 3 amazing months. We've done so much together, and see each other as best friends. I've never had so much fun with one person, and we genuinely feel like a match made in heaven.
We say our "I love you"s too many times to count a day, and share moments stronger than any other. We both have gone on and on about how much fun this relationship has been.
My issues comes up when I think of the relationship as a long-term thing. She sees the relationship as fun, but I know, through what she's told me and how she's acted, that she doesn't see me as a "supplier" and I'm not the fit for her "ideal boyfriend". I honestly can't see the relationship lasting long because she just likes having that companion to do fun things with, and not me specifically.
She's explained why she loves me, and all the reasons seem just slightly too generic, too much like qualities that she could find in any guy. She has even said she can't fully see myself as a husband or a father, and sherelies on horoscopes to tell her that the relationship isn't destined to last long. She'll make passive jokes about it all, but when we talk serious the talk doesn't last long and I never feel satisfied. We've dated officially, but only briefly, and have decided to be more "casual" with it. She doesn't pursue other guys, and is clear with people that she is in a relationship or "seeing" someone.
Do I confront her and give her an ultimatum, or wait and see what happens? What are my options? | In love, but I feel like she has an idea of an "ideal boyfriend" that I don't fit, and she's waiting for someone to fill that role. How do I deal with it. |
t3_4i9w1n | tifu | TIFU by eating chocolate before a date | This didn't happen today, but a couple of weeks ago.
I had been chatting with this girl for a couple of weeks and finally gotten the balls to ask her out. (I am a confident person, but i really liked her).
So we were going out on friday but i was working until 6 so i was going straight to meet her after work. After lunch i ate som chocoloate i had brought with me and a small piece fell into my shirt (yes, actually.) I stood up from my chair but couldnt find it so i sat back down assuming it had fallen on the floor without me seeing.
Fast forward five hours - The date went great and we ended up at my house after a big meal and more than a couple of drinks. One thing led to another and she were on her way to pull down my pants when i sudddenly noticed a disgusted face. The bit of chocolate i had lost down my shirt had found it's way into my pants and melted all over my white colored boxers. It looked like i had shat all over myself but without the smell.
In panic i just said "chocolate" with a awkward smile on my face but she were already on her way out of the bedroom and out the door.
I still haven't talked to her. She really thought i had taked a big dump in my own pants. | Ate chocolate and lost a piece in my shirt and into my pants somehow. Looked like i had shat myself all over before scoring with my date. |
t3_3ylgsi | relationships | My [25m] BF [28m] of 14 months just shook me and screamed obsenities at me but I didn't get upset and I don't know what to do now. | He just got back from a family holiday visit and after catching up a bit we decided to play a game of League of Legends.
He was doing some questionable stuff so I said "babe just hang back here with me for a while, don't go ham yet." His response to that was "WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, I HAVENT PLAYED IN A LONG TIME."
This surprised me and I never people speak to me that way. So I said "ok, well we're done playing this game. Don't talk to me for a while." I closed my laptop and got ready to take the dog out to potty .
He then kept swearing about how I can't just coach him "like a fucking dick."
I was just going to leave it at that but I didn't know what to do at this point so I just pressed the power button on his computer.
He screamed a whole bunch of stuff that I can't even recall, stood up and shook me. Then he said he wants nothing to do with me and that she shouldn't have come back home.
I still didn't say anything back. Just went to the kitchen to get the dogs rope toy. He walked over there and told me that I'm a pretentious self-entitled ass.
I really have no clue what just happened. Nothing like this has ever happened before. We've had a wonderful relationship until tonight but I'm not sure how, or if I should try, to reconcile this.
If I move out I will have a much harder time supporting myself and I would no longer live near work. I also don't know if I even do want to move out. I'm not really feeling anything right now and I don't know why. I'm not angry or sad. I don't know if that's worth reading into. I have cried and been mad at him in the past. I don't know why not right now.
Any advice? | BF got upset in an unprecedented manner and said some things. I don't know how I feel or how to proceed |
t3_446n3x | relationships | LDR: GF [20F] too distracted on her phone to pay attention to me [22M] while Face-timing. | My girlfriend [20F] and I [22M] are in a long distance relationship (there is about 6 hours separating our colleges). This semester she is studying abroad in London and we are only getting to FaceTime for roughly 30min a day.
This would be fine but she won't pay attention to me when we are face timing. She is either on her phone, snap chatting her friends, or scrolling through Tumblr. All of that is fine and dandy, but I just want 30 minutes of conversation without me watching her use her phone, not hearing what i say and saying "sorry" while her nose is still in her phone.
Is this too much to ask? Am I overreacting? Is there a way I can bring this up to her without sounding crazy? | GF [20F] won't pay attention to me [22M] while face timing from abroad. Looking for advice on how to approach this situation. |
t3_4hvjk3 | askwomenadvice | I (22M) asked a girl (~22) on a date. Turns out she's already going to the same event with her friends and she's said I'm welcome to come along too, or suggested I come along too. Which do I choose? | Asked a girl out and it turns out she's already going to the same event with her friends (approximately 5 other girls).
As a bit of background, I know three of these girls pretty wel. They used to live with my best friend in his freshman year of college, so we used to go out together a lot; but I don't know them well enough to have ever met up with them without this friend being present. The other girls, including the one I've asked out (first date) I've barely spoken to.
So when I asked her out she said I was welcome to come along with her and her house, or gave me another date to reschedule.
Would this be a bit awkward for a first date? Is she only asking if I want to come along to be polite and would me actually accepting the offer be an intrusion on their house evening out? | first "date" (if you can call it that) with a girl with all her friends present or reschedule? |
t3_2hovvc | relationships | A thank you to you all. Going strong now with my (M, 24) girlfriend (F,24) of two years. | This is not really a question so I apologize for that but I felt like I needed to pay it forward a little bit to the community for helping me out when I needed some perspective.
A while back I posted here seeking help in my relationship. Things were never really at risk of falling apart but I was definitely feeling like I was slowly losing this one because of silly actions on both our parts. I was definitely too jealous of a person, too clingy, and too insecure. On the flipside, I felt like there was nothing I could ever do to make her care for me and love me and just generally be as crazy about me as I was for her.
Essentially, you all gave me some tough love and told me to get a damn hobby, grow a pair of cojones, and stop putting so much pressure on her by putting all my eggs in her basket.
I tried to take that advice and it changed everything. I can't say I've necessarily completely changed. I definitely have those jealous tendencies still. But I have learned to take a step back for some perspective and to give her some space she needed. I love her so much and it was so worth it. She really started giving me the love and respect and care I always wanted to feel from her and I realized that I just needed to give her some room to breathe so that the love could grow naturally.
I think if you guys didn't tell me off a little I would have just let something so nice stagnate to the point of no return. You guys helped me out and I am really grateful to the community for giving this relationship some renewed spice and vigour. | I came to you all for help a while back and things have gotten better and I forced myself to do some soul searching. Thank you all! |
t3_4e1y8o | jobs | Unusual situation with a job application, how can I improve my odds? | I'm going to try my best to keep this non-specific, I'd prefer my coworkers not find this post and recognize it as me, but given the circumstances that may be difficult... ah well, c'est la vie!
So I've been working at $company for a few years now, and I am the most senior person on my team. I have kind of naturally slipped into an "unofficial lead" position, and my coworkers often introduce me as their team lead, although I do correct them if I hear. Management has also been gearing me towards a lead position, even to the point where my annual goals for the last couple of years include high performance standards from the team as a whole, rather than just myself (goals of which we have met and exceeded).
Recently we have had a new department head come on board, and this past week they have posted a new job opening in the department for a lead role of my team. In the job description it lists responsibilities; item-by-item things that I already do on a regular basis, and have done so for a couple of years, and have only received excellent feedback on (my team's performance ratings have become increasingly exceptional). However, I do not meet most of the requirements (6+ years experience in X, 5+ years in Y, and a degree in related field).
I discussed the posting with my manager, and the message I received was basically that I can apply, but I should be prepared to not get the job (I gathered that he felt I'd do well in the role, but is getting pushback from the new department head to hire more experienced staff). So I applied, and I understand they will start looking through resumes next week.
So my question for you fine people of /r/jobs is, what can I do to increase my odds of getting this job, knowing that I will be up against competition with far more experience and certifications than I do? ... thanks in advance!! | My company posted a job opening that covers work I already do (and do well), but with requirements that I do not meet. What can I do to improve my odds of getting the job? |
t3_1kj7lt | relationships | Me [18M] with my Ex [18M] duration, short-description | Hey there guys. Quick question because I just need to get some perspective!
So, I have an ex that I still keep in contact with, since the breakup wasn't messy or anything, and seeing him normally doesn't make me feel bad or anything, if we're just hanging out as friends. Sometimes when we hang out we end up making out or cuddling, something like that, but recently we've stopped doing that.
I didn't know he was really doing anything with anyone else or planning to get into another relationship, and today I checked my snapchat to see him with some other guy at a restaurant with their heads against each other. Then, the next picture was them making out.
I know for a fact he only sent it to me (or very few others) since I asked other friends who I knew were on his snapchat if they got the same message, and they said no. Is it just me, or is he being a bit of a douche? I'm not really jealous per se, I just thought it was a pretty mean/jerkish/show-offy thing to do.
Just wondering what you all think. | Ex sent me pic of himself with another guy for no good reason. Is he a jerk or is it just me? |
t3_2fy7o9 | relationships | My sister [17 F] and my best friend [18 M] had (or are still having) a secret relationship, what do I do? | First off I have horrible difficulty making friends and maintaining relationships and my best friend is currently basically my only friend. We do everything together. Also me and my sister have a very good sibling relationship. So the fact that either of them would ever lie to me like this is mind blowing. Also i'm not a very forgiving person.
My sister was having problems with internet connection on her laptop and during my attempt to fix it I noticed her recycle bin was filled with everything she's ever deleted in the last 2-3 years because she apparently doesn't know how to empty it. Well before I emptied it I noticed screenshot pictures of her phone with her and my best friend facetiming. I thought that was odd so I went through more deleted pictures to find screenshots of text conversations between the two and there's no question that they had been having a secret relationship behind my back.
It hurts me to know that they lied and disrespected me to have a secret relationship. The pictures were from a year ago but I don't know how long it went for or if it still is going on. I have not told anyone I know and I don't really know what to do. I've simply ignored all texts from both of them all day. What should I do? | My sister and best friend had a secret relationship and I found out. How do I tell them I know and what do I do? |
t3_238pnj | dating_advice | Is he [M21] being serious with me [F18]? | Okay, so I met this guy on Tinder about a month ago and we have really hit it off since the beginning. Chat to each other on Facebook practically 24/7 which included talking into the early hours of the morning when we just started talking. Never a shortage on things to talk about and we have a very similar sense of humor and wild imagination.
Likewise when we had our first date, it was simply awesome. We didn't even do anything special(we planned to go ice-skating but he had to pay all his bills the day before and was short on money), we just talked while we roamed the city centre and did silly things like walk into a fancy building and get in the elevator to see what was on the floors for 3+ hours. There was major chemistry and constant touches but the most that happened was a long, tight hug after he dropped me home. Our second date is planned this weekend.
So we still constantly talk online and all, and what I have found is that he'll say some things that suggests he only wants sex. He clarified it to me before when I asked if he was sleeping around, saying I'm "not just some hole I want to poke" and that he doesn't treat women that way. But he brings up these kind of jokes when I think he's being serious and it's really messing with my head :( What do? | Hit it off with a guy off Tinder, talk on fb 24/7. Never made a move on me on our date but keeps making jokes that he only wants sex and it makes me confused. |
t3_1n5q0t | relationships | My [23F] boyfriend [25M] of just over a year is threatened by a guy I met at the gym. Is he overreacting, or am I underreacting? | My boyfriend and I are three hours apart and doing a distance relationship. We get to see each other every couple weeks so it's not too bad.
I moved to a new city a month ago, and I've been really struggling to make friends here. Today I met a guy at the gym, and we got along really well and decided to be "gym friends". I was 100% upfront and honest, slipped the fact that I had a boyfriend into the conversation and that I was in a really happy relationship. It seemed purely platonic and we joked about being "bros". Anyways I was happy to have made a friend, and maybe had an "in" to a social circle in my new city.
While my boyfriend and I were on the phone tonight, I received a text from this guy asking about our planned workout tomorrow. My boyfriend heard my phone buzz and asked me who the text was from so I told him I had made a new friend and explained the situation. He got extremely angry, said I shouldn't be so naive and he knows how guys think, that this guy probably wanted me and how could I not see that. I told him I could understand that, but I also really want friends here and does he expect me never to interact and have friendships with members of the opposite sex?
He is really mad at me right now, and I feel terrible. | Met a guy at the gym today, decided to be platonic friends, boyfriend is threatened and angry with me. Am I out of line? |
t3_wrsd0 | dating_advice | First casual date tomorrow with a FWB and I have no idea how to go about it. | Hello r/dating_advice I need some help. I have my very first casual date ever tomorrow and I have no idea what to do. I mean were going to the movies and probably hang out afterwords but I don't know what I should do or ask.
I'm a 20 male and shes 18. We known each other for 6 years but been friends for bout 2 1/2 years. There is interest coming from both me and her. We have held hands, kissed and done [other things] but i'm not sure how to go about it. I had a crush on her for years but I was to chickenshit to asked because I was scared of hurting her (emotionally) and I reside myself to try and stop feeling for her that way but eventually I just couldn't do it and asked her.
I'm using this as a opportunity to know her better (that's what dates are for right?). So any advice on what I should do to maybe make it less awkward and some ideas on what to talk about. Also what I should do after the date (should I wait for a few days to text her or can I hang out with her?) | I have no idea what to do aside from the bare bones basics any advice pertaining to this will be greatly appreciated. Need anymore info just message me. |
t3_jqgji | GetMotivated | How to break out of an "automatic" time-wasting routine? | Ok, here's the deal. I need to be more productive and do all the good stuff I need to do- mainly studies and work at this point in time.
I am pretty lazy, but I can get over that, this isn't the problem here, my biggest problem is the environment (my apartment basically), which automatically seems to put me in this "auto-mode" of wasting most of the time in useless activities such as playing games, watching movies, surfing the web way too much, etc, because I've done it soo much that it's such a deep routine, it almost seems like I automatically 1)wake up 2)turn on PC 3)waste the day. When I actually get myself to do some work, it's very hard to keep the focus.
When I am somewhere else, I don't get this pressure of going into the no stress, relaxing "automode" (it's hard to perfectly explain why I call this automode, but perhaps it's because sometimes feels like I'm not even really thinking consciously about what I should do when I waste like 10 hours day after day), chilling and wasting time on PC, and actually can do whatever needs to be done, and it's pretty easy.
Has anyone experienced something similar?
Should I try to break this (if so, how?), or should I try to find some cool places and actually change the environment for studying at first, like going to a park for reading, or staying in university library for studies, etc? I am currently leaning towards this "just gtfo your apartment, good things will follow" solution, and going to try to implement this as much as I can in a week when I go back to university. | What can you do when the problem isn't as much laziness, but more your regular environment dragging you into this super unproductive routine you've had for a long time? |
t3_4prpa2 | relationships | I (17F) don't want to stay in contact with my best friend (17F), how do I tell her? | I'm graduating high-school end of next year, and then I'm planning on going solo to the UK to pursue my dream career.
My best friend, however, has other ideas. She's literally under the impression we'll be getting married and moving overseas together. We have a bit of a weird relationship --- we're dating (except we haven't acknowledged that we're dating), and she's happy to flirt with other girls as long as she knows she has "first dibs" on me.
I'm getting tired of it. Either we need to officially date or I need to stop being around her. I've tried just *not* having feelings for her for three years and it doesn't work, it's all or nothing at this point. And I'm not even sure she's somebody I'd want to spend the rest of my life with anyway; she's very full of herself and puts me down a lot when I achieve something she's incapable of, and she's just all round an extremely jealous person. I love her dearly and I'm closer to her than anyone in the world, but I'm just sick to death of being sidelined.
I mentioned to a friend that I was looking at internships in the UK, and she went, "oh, how are we gonna afford to live in that part of the UK though?" I don't know how to tell her that this dream life she's got in her head isn't happening.
And is it weird that I'm okay with leaving all my friends behind? The majority of them have turned out similar to said best friend, very arrogant and snobbish. I'll miss them a lot, but I just want to go to a new country and start fresh and independent. | Pseudo-girlfriend thinks we'll be together forever --- I just want to go overseas and start a new life after high school. |
t3_2qq8ug | relationships | Boyfriend (M24) of 6 months, wants to meet up with his ex of 2 years (F22). Am I (F22) right to be uncomfortable with this? | My boyfriend (M24) of 6 months wants to meet up with his ex (F22) that he dated on and off for two years for drinks (just the two of them). I'm uncomfortable with this.
Our relationship hit a really rocky patch for about two months- another female friend of his hated me (she apparently thought of my boyfriend as her backup and has hated every girl he has dated) and demanded that boyfriend either break up with me and remain friends with her or be with me and end their friendship. Boyfriend thought this was completely fine until his friend started pulling other shit, so eventually he stopped being friends with her. After she had said the thing about me, I told Boyfriend that I wasn't comfortable with their friendship as was- I didn't want him sleeping at her house anymore or talking about our relationship. He agreed to this, but later admitted he didn't actually stick to the two things I asked. Thus why I'm a little on edge and not trusting him completely at the moment.
Anyway, a few days ago he mentioned the possibility of us both meeting up with his ex as she wanted to meet me. I said yes, as I'm completely fine with that. He then made plans to meet with her for drinks, then told me I'm not allowed to join, and admitted that he wasn't planning on telling me they had met up until after.
I said I was uncomfortable with this, and asked if he could reschedule to a time when we could both go- since she'll be home for a month. At first he said that the planned night was the only possible time they could meet for drinks, then said he could change it to a different date/time when I could also go. Additionally, it seems odd because they haven't seen each other in about a year, and as he says barely talk.
I feel like Boyfriend is lying to me and I feel really uncomfortable with this all. I'm not sure what to do. What do I do? | boyfriend was planning on lying to me about meeting up with his ex. I am uncomfortable with him meeting up with his ex for drinks one on one due to circumstances. What do I do? |
t3_17k6je | dating_advice | Can't decide if I (F23) should give up on him (M23). Help. | Throwaway, obviously.
I've been casually dating this guy Dan (M23) for the last month or so. We text nonstop and have a great connection. The only issue is that we live 3 hours away from eachother by car, so this past weekend I went to stay with him. He made me dinner and then we had sex. The entire weekend was amazing and when I left on Sunday, I was smitten.
Once I got home on Sunday, it seemed like his entire attitude changed. He would hardly return my texts, whereas before he was responding immediately. I didn't want to seem like a bother, so I just figured he'd talk to me if he really wanted to.
By Monday, I got a little concerned. I wondered what I had done wrong to cause this sudden change in behavior, so I asked him if I had pissed him off somehow. He said, "no, please don't worry. I'm just in an odd place right now. Feeling a bit moody." Cool, that's fine, we all feel that way at some point or another. I brushed it off and kept busy so that I wouldn't dwell on it.
On Tuesday, we still had hardly spoken, and he texted me out of the blue and said, "I just wanted to let you know that I am not ignoring you. I'm just in a funk." and I replied, "That's okay, I figured as much, so I decided to give you some space," and he said, "I appreciate that. :)"
He spoke to me a little more yesterday, but it's still nothing compared to what it was before. It also seems like his sense of humor has vanished, because I'll crack jokes like I was previously, and he just doesn't react the same.
He said that he's coming to visit me next weekend for my birthday, but now I'm wondering if that will actually happen with the way he's been acting.
r/dating_advice, what did I do? Did I even *do* anything? Was he just looking for sex? Should I probably just chalk it up to a fun weekend and move on? | I've been casually seeing a great guy whom I have an amazing rapport with. This past weekend, we had sex. Now our conversation is nothing like what it was before we had sex. What do I do? |
t3_2a4541 | relationships | My boyfriend [17M] and I [17F] need a space to get freaky and we're getting frustrated with the current options. | Yeah, sorry /r/relationships. If this shouldn't even be here I apologize. Using a throwaway. I'm just hoping for some advice that doesn't consist of "move out and find your own place!" cause it's just not happening. We both have REALLY REALLY strict conservative parents, so finding a place to get intimate is slowly getting more and more frustrating.
There's not a lot of good spots to park while in his car (or maybe we're just not finding them?) and we're just SICK of being paranoid about someone catching or ratting us out. Couldn't dare ask the parents for us to use our room because it's their house, their rules, gotta respect that.
Where can we find a place that's comfy and safe to enjoy each other? If that's even possible? I was thinking maybe hotel room but that's not really sustainable for everyday. | Cue frustrated teen angst. Where are the best out of home places to get freaky in (via car or preferably, not car)? |
t3_p5l4h | relationships | Cheated on my long distance 'online' girlfriend | I've been with my girlfriend for just over nine months now (we're both 22, if age matters) and we started talking on okcupid about two months before that, however we've never actually met as she's from the states and I'm from the UK.
Basically on two separate occasions I went out for a few drinks with my friends which gradually turned into me practically blacking out and eventually making out with some girl.
I've never had a history of being a cheater, only being cheated ON; so I know how much it fucking sucks to be on the other side of this.
I really don't want to risk losing my girlfriend by telling her now, even though that seems to be the moral thing to do as she's still not flying over for another five months. | Kissed a couple of girls while in a long distance relationship with a girl who I've never met, what should I do now? |
t3_437dzn | relationships | Is it wrong of me [19F] to be with my boyfriend [29M] of 3 months even if I know he isn't the "one"? | I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world. He treats me like a princess and he is everything a girl could ever want. My problem is I love him and want to be with him but I know deep in my heart that this won't end in marriage.
This is my first serious relationship and am not really sure what I should do. He says he's not ready for marriage anytime soon so there is no pressure in that sense, but I still feel like I'm wasting his time. I really want to be with him and just see where this goes and what happens but I feel so guilty when I'm with him. | know I won't end up marrying boyfriend, but still want to be with him, am I horrible for still being with him? |
t3_4zuv00 | relationships | I (19m) went to a friend's party (20f) and a professor (40s?m) was there as well. Feel a bit weird | So I don't really even know what I'm looking for with this, but here goes
So a friend/acquaintance from uni invited me to a party the other night, she's pretty cool, I like hanging out with her, so I said sure. We've known each other maybe a year (?) but only at classes or getting a drink after, so not all that well
So I went along to the thing, it was pretty small, maybe 20-25 people? I knew it wasn't gonna be a huge party though, she let me know in advance. Anyway one of the professors from uni was there as well. he's not taking her or me this semester but we both had him last semester, he's a professor in our major so we'll probably have him again I guess?
It was all pretty relaxed, i didn't get any vibes they were romantically involved or anything (he's got a partner who was also there), but I dunno, I just found it pretty weird to have a prof drinking at your house. And like I dunno if that has implications for studies or anything?
Should I say something, or leave it be? And what do I do if she invites me to another party, or I run into the prof on campus? just not sure where I stand. | Ex (and future, probably) professor of mine was at a friend's party I was also invited to. Feel a bit awkward. What do I do? |
t3_1cyeo8 | dating_advice | Should I[22m] pursue my close friend[23f] who's from another country? | **Story:**
This girl and I were group mates while I was doing an exchange program in the UK. She had a boyfriend back then so I didn't think too much about her.
Fast forward a few months, she broke up with her boyfriend because he was checking out other girls intentionally. Since I know her quite well, I was in her favour because she is a nice person and isn't a party girl.
A few months later, I was having a hard time with my final year project and I can't remember how it happened but I just kept thinking about her; so much that I actually began liking her. Probably because she was one of the few friends of mine where we can talk about random things so she was quite meaningful to me.
For the past few weeks, we have been really close to each other where we would chat and webcam a few times a weeks and I really think both of us really like each other a lot. However, neither of us have confessed to each other. She did ask me quite a few times why I am still single (can't be bothered to find one around my place).
**Here's my problem:**
I will be going to the UK again for postgraduate studies and I will meet her again. Both of us will be in the UK for at least another year and I am planning to be committed to her. I plan to find a job over there but she wants to go back to her home country after graduating.
I want to have a long-term relationship if I were to have one but by the looks of it, it doesn't seem like it will be one. Even if it is, it will be incredibly difficult to maintain it.
I like her to the point that I am considering our possible future but it doesn't seem very bright.
What should I do/what would she consider? | I like this girl and I am willing to commit for the long term but I think distance will be a problem. Is it worth my time and effort? |
t3_39tn8q | relationships | Never had a relationship or even been kissed and feeling hypocritical...advice? | I'm 20 years old and serving as a freshman orientation leader this summer at a moderately conservative, large public university. Among the typical orientation content where I give them information and they ask questions, one of our breakout sessions focuses on social issues they may face in their first year. The context of the talk is very serious, ranging from peer pressure, harmful behaviors, mental health, alcohol, etc. The last talking point on the outline is always relationships and sex.
When I get to this topic, I always talk about the importance of mutual consent before sex, bystander intervention if they witness someone being assaulted or in an abusive relationship, making responsible choices, etc. Then, like all the other topics, I open it up to them for questions. I always get questions about how I, personally, have handled college boyfriends and what I think is the best policy for dating in college. I usually say something along the lines of "that's a personal decision everyone has to make for themselves, I'm not here to tell you who to be in college". Normally that is sufficient for them and we can move on, but this past time a male freshman kept pressing the questions about my personal stance. The truth is that I don't know where I stand. I've dated some in my last two years but have never gotten to the point of being physical with someone, though I've had roommates that were.
It never comes up that none of this information I'm giving them applies to me. I don't want them to think of me as any less qualified to help them through their freshman year if they think I won't understand the issues they are facing. It's also just embarrassing and not something I'm not ready to admit.
By the end of the summer, I will have given this talk to 150+ freshmen jn small group settings. How should I approach this the rest of the summer? Experienced redditors, is there anything I should be telling them that I'm not already? | 20F, never been kissed and in charge of informing 150 pubescent undergraduates about how to have a sex life in college. Any advice would be appreciated! |
t3_fzmsu | AskReddit | New (somewhat) boyfriend troubles...advice?? | So I recently broke up with my boyfriend (that I still live with, sleep in a different room) and things are becoming less awkward weekly. He is still one of my good friends, we are just not fitting for eachother relationship-wise.
I've been talking to a new guy(we'll call him T) that *apparently* really likes me. He seems more than wonderful, but lives really far away. I'm more than willing to be patient, but obviously equal parts must be contributed. This guy seems amazing but might be a bit overbearing. I just sent a text to him that I meant to send to a friend about how my recent ex hasn't hit on me & how he will always be **just** a friend to me. T was disturbed by this text and wanted to go to sleep instead of talking to me all night (as usual). Last night he was upset with me for not calling him soon enough because he 'missed my voice.'
My question: should I just blow T off or sympathize his concerns and see where it goes (we seem to be SO compatible!!) or just explain to him I am too much a free spirit to be weighed down by a relationship at the moment? | Should I try to make a new (LD) relationship work even though he's showing signs of (possibly irrational) jealousy? |
t3_nijqv | AskReddit | I'm about to start a new page in my life and was looking for advice | Hello everyone. I've recently decided that I need to have a lifestlyle change. I recently graduated with a bachelors in biology and I've realized that I'm going to need to further my education. I've always been interested in dentistry but never thought I had the decication or intelligence to go through with it. I've been doing a lot of thinking recently and realized that I need to at least attempt to do this, otherwise I'm going to waste my life away doing something that I'm not passionate about. I didn't get the best grades in my undergrad so in order for me to have a chance of getting into dental school its going to take A LOT of work.
I was wondering if there is anyone else who has undergone a life changing step simliar to this who could offer me some advice. I understand its going to be incredibly difficult but I feel like it's something I need to do. Any advice/stories/help in general would be greatly appreciated. | I want to be a dentist but its going to take a lot of work. GIVE ME YOUR KNOWLEDGE! |
t3_2i9jjk | relationships | I [29 M] am running things to talk about with a girl [29 F] I have started dating recently. | We have met about 3 weeks ago and things have been doing great so far. We talk a lot on the phone and we have mind blowing sex (just last night we got so turned on, we ended up having sex somewhere random in public at the end of our date before I took her home).
However, when we are on dates (like dinner or drinking at a bar) we run out of things to talk about and our texting is so dry. We basically don't talk to each other all day except when we talk on the phone at night. On the phone we talk to each other at least over an hour without any conversation problems.
I don't know what is wrong.
What can I do? I am thinking maybe we are both a bit nervous in person. | Running things to talk about in person and hardly ever talk to each other through text, even though we talk a lot on the phone. Help? |
t3_30o2un | Advice | Job Troubles. | Hey guys! So I, like many college students, work a shitty minimum wage job. But only during the winters, during the summertime (and most of the spring and fall) I work at a kids camp. So here's the problem, just recently we had somebody quit at the camp and they need me to work there more often. Anyways today was one of those days and it just got sprung on me that I had to come in on Thursday. so when I go in on Friday I give one of my managers a heads up that I wont be in the next day because I got called in to work my other job. As I was expecting she got a little pissy and asked me about 5 times if I was sure I couldn't make it in the next day by the end of my shift. At the end of my shift she asks me to call in if I still couldn't make it in. So, doing what I was told I call in and let them know I wouldn't be in an hour before my shift was supposed to start as is standard procedure. Of course at this point they start telling me that I could get fired because I'm refusing to work. I just listen to what she has to say, say okay, I'm sorry, and thank you. So during the inevitable talking to tomorrow I'm going to give them my two weeks because my other job, that I've been at for three years, needs me. Now the biggest problem here is that I have to work again next Saturday and if I tell them I have to work then I'm 90 percent sure I'll be fired. So I guess what I'm asking is if I get fired will that affect my future employment, (I don't have many things on my resume) or is it better to just quit on the spot or something... sorry for the lengthiness I've been up since 6 and its now almost midnight.. | Is it better to get fired or is it better to quit? (you should really read there are some more important deets.....) |
t3_4dzha4 | askwomenadvice | Giving gift of lingerie to size 12-14 wife with tact. | So I've been out of town for a week amidst a move to a new city. I bought some lingerie for my (pregnant) wife while picking some other things up for her at a adult store. It's in her size more or less. My question is I'm concerned about the packaging and if I should ditch it. It's got a size 14-ish model on the package. She's in the first trimester so it's not like she's got a belly yet. And I love a curvier body, always have and she knows this. I just don't want her to feel big or anything since she does struggle with body image. But I also worry taking it out of package, she'll be afraid to try it on because she'll be afraid it's for a smaller figure like a lot of lingerie is (in our experience) I love my wife, bought it to help her feel sexy, don't want it to backfire. Whatcha think? | lingerie in package showing model w/her size figure or take it out. In the interest of building positive body image. |
t3_4rqy8o | relationship_advice | I [35/m] am very recently separated after 2 years of emotional hell, now a new person [34/f] is making herself seem very interested... how do I tell her a relationship is the last thing I want? | Wife had an affair after 8 years of marriage, we spent 2 years trying to "fix things" but it was just something I couldn't get over, given the horrendous details of it all. Previous to that, my ex-girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me with our roommate at the time. Needless to say I'm really down on relationships right now and just want to take the time to heal, be alone, and figure out why it is this keeps happening.
Just as of a couple weeks ago, I moved out of the family home and got an apartment. Right around the same time, I met this woman at a friend's party. We have a lot on common, and conversation is good, she initiates texts to me pretty much daily (which maybe I'm being overly critical, but feels needy to me). Conversation-wise, things have been pretty light - she's made no obvious statement indicating she's interested in me that way, but her behavior says a lot to me. Physically, I have some issues with her that I'm not sure I could get over, which I guess makes me feel like a dick.
I have to say while it's nice to have someone to talk to that hasn't been part of the last 2 years of my life (I guess it can get lonely here in this empty apartment), I am really resistant to jumping into something else so soon. I want to become OK with being on my own, I've spent half my life jumping from one relationship to another. I don't think I'm being completely bitter, I just need a real breather.
I know I've had a problem in the past saying "no" and "being the bad guy", so is there a way to signal to this person that I just want to be single and lick my wounds for awhile? Am I just leading her on by even talking to her and not addressing this directly? | Am really nervous about being available to anyone after a number of failed long term relationships, how do I tell this woman that I just want to be single indefinitely and not be a dick about it? |
t3_2ryf63 | relationships | I (19 M) have been with this girl (17 F) for a over a year now and she posted a picture of another guy on Instagram saying it's her #MCM I'm kind of confused am I just over reacting what should I do? | Hey reddit! First off sorry for my lack of proper punctuation and any typos I'm on mobile and freaking out also in a hurry.
I don't usually go on Instagram it's not really my thing and I'll go on there once in a blue moon when I'm really bored. I happened to today and as I was scrolling down I ended up seeing it, all it said was "#MCM 😍", I'm not sure if I'm just over reacting or what, but we've been together for over a year now and usually we text non-stop all the time but the pass few weeks it has not been much maybe just a few a day and not really calling either. Also like to say that she moved a few months ago so she's an hour away from me now so I can't see her as often due to conflicting schedules both have jobs and school. She said she's working more hours + after school sport she just started (never told me about until yesterday) and gets tired there really hasn't been any signs of her no longer being into me besides that but I don't really know for sure what should I do? | current GF posted picture with another guy as her MCM last Monday I just saw it and freaking out what should I do? |
t3_2k72kj | relationships | [25/F] with my new boyfriend [30/M] He says he isn't attracted to my body type, but he is sexually attracted to me as a person. | I have a fairly new boyfriend who loves me, but I'm insecure of the fact that he isn't attracted to my particular body type. I'm chubby, but I dress well for my shape, and I started going to the gym, eating well, and steadily losing weight before I met him and I know he is proud of that, but I want to focus on my health rather than obsessing about my weight.
I'm a very sexual person, I have much more experience than him and I'm used to a lot of praise from lovers for being attractive and good in bed. We haven't had sex yet, but whenever I send him a risque photo, he just says something like "You look great!" but I can tell he isn't particularly excited by it.
He says he loves me because I'm "really, really pretty" and cute, because I'm compassionate, and smart, charismatic, a great artist, and that even my smile can make him hard sometimes... That he is sexually attracted to ME, rather than just my body. But I can't stop worrying that my body is going to be an issue down the line. Should I be as concerned about it as I am? | My new boyfriend told me that he isn't attracted to my specific body type, but still finds me sexually attractive. I'm very insecure about it. |
t3_4yj28w | tifu | TIFU by not eating an apple | So this happened about a month ago.
A little backstory: I recently had the amazing opportunity to travel with my sister around Europe. While traveling to different cities and whatnot we would fly through cheap airlines and I would bring snacks along for the ride. I assume that no snacks were taken from me (fruit and cut veggies) because I was always traveling around the EU or maybe they just didn't care/notice.
But anyways, cut to me flying home to California and as I am packing to leave my hostel I grab a free apple to eat on the plane. This apple stays in my Purse basically forgotten.
I have a connecting flight in Chicago and for those unaware, ever since 9/11 your first stop in America is where you go through customs. I had completely forgotten to eat my apple in the first plane and thought I would just eat it on my way to California. I only had 1 1/2 hours in Chicago to connect.
When I get to Chicago at every stopping point I am asked something along the lines of: "do you have any fruit or vegetables with you?" And stupidly I keep going "just this apple?" Thinking it's no big deal and that obviously I could just bring it with me.
Well guys, it was a big fucking deal and when I eventually get taken to agriculture I end up having to wait an hour just so they can take my apple away from me. When I finally reach the front of the line I get asked to present what I have and I put my single apple on the belt and just go "here, take this away from me!"
That did get a laugh from the people in agriculture when I explained the situation though, so there's that¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
Also, while in line I had half a mind to just eat the damn thing while I waited but I was afraid of what would happen if I could not produce an apple on command.
Anyways after that I end up missing my flight and staying in Chicago for an extra 5 hours. | tried to bring an apple from Europe into the United States and and end up getting laughed at and missing my connecting flight because of it. |
t3_11yjin | relationships | My BF (27) is super lazy and non-committal. Any advice on motivation for him? | My boyfriend (m) is 27 and I (f) am 29. We have been dating for almost 6 years, so obviously we like each other a little bit. My concern, however, is that in the last couple of years he's become increasingly dependent on me, instead of going out and finding his own way. Right now, he works two nights a week, running sound at a bar downtown. The rest of the week he sleeps late, plays video games, and watches tv.
I honestly wouldn't mind that so much, because he makes his share of rent working those two nights. The problem, though, is that he has recently (in the last year) racked up about $10,000 in debt as the result of being an irresponsible vehicle owner. He HAS to get that paid off, and quickly, because we are part of a small company who needs to have drivers. I've gone over the numbers with him, and we found he can get that paid off in just two years if he works part time, four days a week somewhere.
That conversation was four months ago. As far as I know, he has submitted exactly one application for a job. We are a very open and honest couple, and I have no problem telling him that I'm disappointed or frustrated or whatever. The problem with that, though, is that now I just feel like a nagging bitch instead of a partner, and I know that I don't deserve that.
I've tried to get him to play his drums, I've even set up opportunities for him to play with some pretty awesome and talented folks, and he always backs out. I've tried to get him into writing, into reading, into going to the gym with me. Basically, nothing. He seems interested every time, but when it comes time to actually do anything, he is a limp noodle.
At this point, I have tried everything I can think of to get him motivated. It's getting to the point that we may end up breaking up over this at the end of our lease, even though I promised myself I would never break up with someone over money. But the truth is, this is more than money, this is his ability to be an active participant in a healthy relationship. | Boyfriend lost his motivation to get out in the world. He has a pretty big debt to pay off and won't do anything about it. Any ideas for me to get him motivated and/or inspired? |
t3_2ewiun | relationships | Me [29 M] with my now ex-girlfriend [27 F] have been broken up for 3 months and I just got a positive test for an STI | Ok, I know this sub is for people in relationships but me and my ex still talk and up until today I would give anything to still be with her. Well as the title says I don't really know how to approach my ex right now, her and I broke up just over 3 months ago and I went to the doctor last week to get a physical and a check up. He just called me today to tell me that I tested positive for chlamydia and that I needed to immediately take anti-biotics. My problem is, is that I have not had sex since my ex and I broke up, I can't even so much as look at another woman let alone have sex with them or even have unprotected sex with them. My doctor also said that it is apparent to him that I have had this infection for more than 5 months
I will obviously be talking with my ex because this can affect her quite negatively in the future and it would be awful for me to not tell her. My problem is this, she broke up with me because she had trust issues with me and she believed that I made decision without taking her in to consideration which I think is completely wrong. It took me close to two months to finally come to the conclusion that I have now and that is her trust issues stem from an event that occurred at the beginning of our relationship. She greatly betrayed our relationship and transferred that guilt of that event from herself to me and that was the beginning of our issues.
So what do I do? Do I simply tell her I have chlamydia, go get tested, or do I try and have a conversation with her about the event that led to our eventual breakup and ask her if she did cheat on me? I'm lost and angry as all hell. Just a note that I work in the health industry and was exposed to a patients fluids about 4 and a half months ago, except chlamydia is not really transferred through blood exposure, once again lowering bringing the exposure to his STI back to my ex. | I don't know how to approach my ex right now since I was just told that I tested positive for chlamydia. I don't want to sound accusatory of her but I want to figure out how this happened. |
t3_15lzon | loseit | SV and NSV | F/41 5'11" SW: 324.6 CW: 279.6 GW: 175
This week has been glorious! Today, I finally saw 45 pounds lost! So that makes a SV worth crowing about! I changed my flair, and also gave away 5 TRASH BAGS FULL of beautiful size 28, 26, 24, and 22 clothing. I always had nice clothes, always dressed well...just very large nice clothes. It was great to see them going to a home with a woman who truly could use them and love them as much as I did.
So now to the NSV part: I have several sizes of clothing (most of us former fat people do) where I bought things on sale and hoped that eventually I would wear them. I'm so glad I decided to try on clothes in my closet... I almost "passed over" a bunch of beautiful size 20 pants.
I tried a pair of 18W pants on, just for the heck of it... fid dit! If I sits, I fits!! You bet there has been a lot of dancing going on at my house! I also decided to try wraping a bath towel around my middle. Normally, I would just tuck it in my arms and walk about with 1/2 of me not covered...this time, it closed and there was no tummy hanging over.
I'm actually more excited about losing 45 pounds then I though I would be. Next week, I hope to see 50!
Nitty gritty for those who care: I am on a "supervised" weightloss program that is high protein, Very low fat, and carb from fruit only.
I've never lost 45 pounds before! Over the last 20 years, I've gained and lost the same 30 pounds, hovering between 300-335. Now, I'm in the 270's :) Working hard and completely dedicated to a new way of living and eating. I'm completely off of all medications including blood pressure pills and metformin. No more metabolic syndrome, no more high blood pressure, no more pre-diabetes.
Thanks so much for listening! | 45 lbs, new flair, went from size 28W-18W, wrapped a standard size bath towel around with no flesh showing :) |
t3_3cvmry | dogs | [Help] Should I find my dog a new home? | So I've been wanting to adopt a dog for a while now. I'm 24, male, and live in a condo in CT. I grew up around boxers and was most familiar with their breed, so when I found a beautiful boxer/pitbull 1 year-old mix I immediately fell in love. My only concern was his high energy levels. I really wasn't sure if I'd be able to handle him.
I ended up thinking about adopting him for 2 weeks. During that time, I asked other dog owners and did some research. No one seemed to regret their decision. I also had him over for a day to see how things would be like. After much thinking and reassurance, I adopted him. I went all out; I bought him a huge bed, new toys, training treats, gates, harness, leashes, a crate, etc.
That was last week, and now I can honestly say I know myself much better now. I love the idea of owning a dog and making a best friend, but I'm not sure if I'm a good match for him. I didn't rush into this decision, but despite my efforts to think this through, I feel like I made a mistake. The amount of time required each day to train him is wearing me thin, and I don't want to resent him for it. I'm at work for 8+ hours a day and it's just me, no SO. I knew this was going to be a big responsibility going in and didn't take it lightly, but still somehow fucked up.
I don't want to send him to a shelter, but instead want to work with a shelter to find him another suitable family/home, and will keep him in my condo until I do. I feel terrible about this, but I feel trapped. It's only been a week since I adopted him. Some would say I should keep trying, others would say to give him to a new home/family before he gets too attached. I partially agree with both sides. Am I making the right decision by wanting to give him to a new home? | Adopted a 1 year-old boxer/pitbull mix. Ended up requiring more attention than I anticipated. I fucked up. Should I find him a new family/home? |
t3_lqmzb | AskReddit | awkward situation. what do i do now reddit? | so my sisters old friend comes to stay at our house for a little while until he gets on his feet. we've all known him for well over a decade. so he's really cute and smokes me out every day, and bought beer the first few nights…… i heard through my mom that my sister didnt want to be with him 'like that' and he said he wasn't tryin to be her boyfriend or anything, that he only wanted to be friends. i saw that as open game, am i right? so one night after everyones in bed we decide to split a 12 pack.. and a Xanax bar…. and a few joints. one thing leads to another (i can't quite recall everything) but i know we had sex in my nieces bed. WHICH SHE NEVER EVER SLEEPS IN EVER, and hardly even goes in her dang room. so i guess we were too fucked up to give a shit and left the sheets widely exposed on the bed with our… left overs, so to speak. woke up the next morning, went to check the room and the sheets were gone. SOOOOOOO my sister and mom found the sheets and were FUCKING PISSED. my sisters flipping because she said that her and her friend said they liked eachother last week but they didnt want to date until he had his shit together.. and shes mad because we jumped in the sheets. my poor old school mom is thinking im in love with this dude so i have to have the VERY DIFFICULT conversation with her to tell her that it was JUST SEX. now everything is awkward and my sister doesn't know that i know what she said…. and now everyone is hiding from each other in separate areas of the house… | had sex with my sisters childhood friend in her daughters un-used bed and didn't know she had feelings for him. |
t3_1mtqxh | AskReddit | How do you split household chores? Jobs? Kids? What factors in? | Lately, I have been frustrated with the household.
Food is rarely cooked.
There are piles of laundry in the living room that have been there more often than not for weeks/months.
Mold in the bathroom (not the one I use and clean), and floors that haven't been mopped in months if not years.
I feel my GF is setting a bad role model for her 9 year old, and providing an unhygienic environment, as well as a unpleasant sight. I don't want visitors over as it is.
I told GF that the 9 year old should probably begin contributing with chores, but that is highly inconsistent. GF is currently not working, not going to school, yet seems to not do much at all, and told me she is okay with a household that is a mess.
GF also informs me, that spending time with her parents, grandparents, friends, and child are all more important that making sure that the household is clean, and meals are made.
Am I in the wrong for being speechless? Granted, I take care of only a few meals, deal with the trash, cleaning my own bathroom, when I get vacation time I do the deep scrubbing that doesn't otherwise get done.
Sorry for the rant, just need to get it out.
How would you feel? | GF and 9 year old do few/no chores. Household is messy. How do you handle chore splitting when only one adult is working full time plus? |
t3_2xowv7 | relationships | My BF of 2 years (30M) has anger issues when frustrated and I (31F) think its a deal breaker to shout at me or call names in front of kids. | I grew up in a very quiet, passive, calm family so I am not sure if I'm overreacting and thinking its worse than it is.
BF and I have dated for 2 years. Both have been divoreced 5+ years and have children from those previous marriages.
During this time, I see my BF has anger issues. He is passitionate and loud and opinionated, all of which I am fine with. I am not fine with his anger, which is often too much for the situation. Things have happened previously and I have told him I am not okay with it and to NOT display that kind of anger in front of the kids. He's under a lot of stress in many areas of his life which I try to help minimize (we don't live together).
There have been incidents in the past where he will call me a name in front of the kids when he gets mad, or raise his voice at me. I've reminded him NOT TO DO THAT in front of our kids. He was good for many months.
Last week, he spoke rudely to me in front of our children (not calling me a name, but suggesting I am being lazy and unorganized, and it was completely untrue and uncalled for) because he didn't think I was doing something fast enough (we disagree on that by the way). I told him it wasn't my responsibility (COMPLETELY true) and to please not speak to me like that. He got very upset and so I walked away. At that point, he walked over to me, swearing and calling me a couple of names and threw my book that I had been reading in the fire. He also told his kids that I was "unbelievable".
I am furious and rethinking if I even want to be in this relationship. After he cooled down, he never apologized. He said it is really my fault, and that both of us were out of line (no way).
Am I wrong to think this is a deal breaker? | BF gets very angry once in a while in front of the kids (with words, not violence) and I feel like it is a dealbreaker. He says I'm being over sensitive. |
t3_1iy03c | relationships | Does he like me?? | Hi,
So I'm really getting frustrated with this guy I've been seeing since November. We met online, and at first I had thought he was kind of boring, but we hung out went to concerts and other things...now 8 months later and I'm getting to know him. He's 28 male, I'm 25 female.
The reason im asking is because I'm not sure how he feels, and yes this is completely high school, however I have been down this road before and had many heart breaks and would rather not hurt again unnecessarily.
In terms of what we do, we used to go to concerts and hang out a few times a month and we went to a concert in another city a few months ago for 5 days, we go off do our own thing while his friends do whatever, he acts like they barely exist and most of his attention is to me, making sure I'm okay.... Recently he bought a condo I've helped him renovate it almost everyday the last few weeks just me and him, sometimes his friends come by...I've met most of his good friends and he's met a few of mine. He invited me to a coworkers house party a few weeks ago, he'll pay for some meals, used to more before now I try and do some because I know he has a lot of finances to think about with a brand new mortgage. He asks me to help him pick tiles and flooring, and random other house advice....he seems to value my opinion a lot many times he says "we" when it comes to making decisions for his condo...which isn't really true since its just his...
Now my question is...why has he not made ANY move???? I think we've kissed once? If we share a bed we don't cuddle or anything....maybe holding hands at concerts, my mom says he's not ready to make a commitment he's too worried with his house right now, he just needs a good friend...however, the coworkers bday was completely a gf thing up do, same with the renovations and just feeling like its my decision as much as his. He has a lot of girl friends but iono I feel like he thinks of me more than just a friend...it's just frustrating not knowing what I am exactly...
Any advice?? Thanks.... | does he like me if he asks me to do gf things, coworkers bdays, picking flooring, renovations, ect. Why hasn't he made many moves? |
t3_1lmp0b | relationship_advice | I think I'm [19/f] over-reacting to something my boyfriend [21/m] did. | Using a throwaway for this one.
Anyway, a few nights ago my boyfriend and I were out, and he pointed out a girl that hit on him a while ago. This put me on edge immediately. He had told me the story a few months prior and I laughed and joked with him about it. But him pointing her out to me just hit me hard in the gut, especially since I didn't make the connection in my head that it was her, matching the description he gave me a while ago.
So he talks to her, all the while I'm standing there awkwardly. He doesn't introduce me. We leave, and end up going back to where she is so he can talk to her more. Still no introduction. I get mad and go out for a smoke.
I start distancing myself from him and at this point, I know that he knows that I'm jealous. Whatever, he's being affectionate. I kind of let that awful feeling subside. We leave.
The next day, he brings her up while we're naked together. I walk away and start crying because it just... fucking sucked. At that moment, I was thinking, "well hopefully he's not thinking about her right now, because I certainly am and I'm just making it seem so much worse than it actually is." And he mentions her until I break down and finally admit that I was/am jealous.
He then tells me that he's not attracted to her, and it's just an ego-boost kind of a thing. But, it also took him a while to figure out that he was attracted to me (like a month).
I don't know, I feel so dumb for being so upset about this. This was out first fight (kind of?) in the relationship. I trust him and I love the shit out of him, but something about the way he acted seemed so vindictive and harmful towards me. It still sucks. I haven't seen him in a few days. And yeah, it sucks. So help? | boyfriend talked to another girl that was obviously interested in him after pointing her out to me, then continued to talk about it the next day in order to provoke me in some way. |
t3_2wqx5h | tifu | TIFU by touching my girlfriend (NSFW) | So last night I went to city with my girlfriend and a couple of mates to see the White night festival. For those who think this was held by the KKK don't fret, it's just an art expo that is held at Melbourne CBD in Australia.
The night was great, lots of cool artwork and buskers to entertain even the most melancholy heart. When we finished up we ended up splitting ways, most caught the train home but the missus and I crashed at a friend's place for the night. We were under strict orders not to sleep together since we all were sharing a room and my friend wasn't too keen on any funny business from us. So my girlfriend was delegated the couch and I was given a mattress on the floor.
I was expecting my girlfriend to sneak into my sheets during the night but sadly that didn't happen. So in the morning I decided to coax her over and after a painful amount of time, I convinced her to join me on the mattress. Here is where it goes down hill. While she was sleeping, I decided to be a bit cheeky and try to give her a "happy dream". So I touched her in all the ways she likes, such as running my finger across her torso, rubbing my hand up and down her inner thighs, grabbing her ass, and playing with her clit etc. This usually gets her in the mood pretty quick and she was responding just how I expected, making cute little moaning sounds and breathing quite heavily. This went on for about 15 minutes, when suddenly she woke up startled. With both hands and a fair amount of force she pushed me back, then sighed 'thank god'.
Turns out she wasn't having a naughty dream. She was dreaming that she was being publicly molested by a creepy man that was touching her and feeling up her dress and wouldn't leave her alone. When she woke up, she realised it was just me and was filled with relief. Apparently the dream felt pretty real. | I tried to give my girlfriend a "happy dream" by touching her in her sleep, and she ended up dreaming she was being felt up by a creepy man. |
t3_3gm1ci | relationships | Me [34M] with my Wife [40F] 2.5 years, wants our niece to move in with us | Our 13F Niece is having troubles entering 8th grade at her school and expressed interest in moving in with us, originally she was coming down for 2 weeks to stay with us and play with our kids 4M and 2F.
Her parents are in favor of this and so is my wife and MIL, I am not. I have expressed that I am not in favor of it twice and each time I am messaged/texted from another party explaining to me how it would benefit her greatly to change to our school system, lower class sizes and fresh start for her.
With the schools starting here soon I am running out of ways to say no and explain to them that I am not going to sacrifice my kids' household to help guide this young lady into acting right and prioritizing on school. Unfortunately my Niece has had a rough couple of years and my wife is set that we can fix it and make the world right for her.
I'll answer any additional questions below to try not to drag out the text, thanks to all who respond in advance. | Wife and Wife's family want our niece to move in with us to give her a fresh start/How do i say no to where they will get the point? |
t3_37izin | relationships | I [20 F] have the information to possibly end a 3 year relationship of one of my best friends [20 F] and good friend [21 M] | For some context, both of these two have been in a 3 year relationship, and are both good friends. The girl is one of my best friends. Recently, she has been telling me that things are very rocky. Some days she will tell me she wants to end the relationship, due to them constantly arguing, complaining, etc.
I was contacted by the girl, and she asked me if her boyfriend had done any questionable activity at a party I threw a few weeks ago. I initially lied, however he had his vape at the party. She/they are a pretty religious couple, and she does not know he vapes. Her finding that out would be detrimental to their relationship. From what I judge of the situation, if I was to tell her that, they would break up.
If I was to do that, I would feel incredibly guilty as I would end a 3 year relationship. They have plans to marry, and he already has a ring, however he never talks about it, and I still expect they would break it off if I tell her. Not only would I feel guilty, I would surely lose a friendship from the guy, and have many mutual friends, where he usually hangs out. So that would be rough, and I know he wouldn't understand. And she would be sad, however I know that she would be grateful that I told her, and would rather know than to not know.
I honestly don't see a positive outcome to this situation other than telling her the truth. | Telling best friend the truth about her boyfriend's habit would likely end their 3 year relationship. Don't know whether to say nothing, or tell her. |
t3_4x74we | relationships | Me [25F] I've been in a good relationship for 2 years, but I feel like I've forgotten how to be happy on my own - what can I do to regain emotional independence? | Title pretty much says everything. I'm largely happy with my relationship, we have a good time together, have learned a lot about each other and the good certainly outweighs the bad. I enjoy my daily life with my partner (26F).
That said, I feel like over time I've started to lose some of the emotional sturdiness I had built up when I was single (this is my first relationship, which explains maybe why I let it get away from me a bit). I've always had anxiety and appreciated support from family and friends, but I've realised recently how much I rely on my GF for emotional support and sometimes validation, neither of which are healthy things and neither are burdens she should have to deal with entirely.
I think what really made me realise this is a problem is that I noticed that if my GF didn't respond in the way I wanted or felt I needed to a problem or to my emotions, I found myself becoming irritated with her, which is not acceptable behaviour and I don't want to hurt my relationship. I can tell this emotional dependence of mine is making me more anxious about the relationship and I don't want it to turn into a vicious cycle.
What are some ways I can get better at standing on my own and unlearn this emotional dependence that's kind of creeped into my head? | I feel like I've become too dependent on my GF for emotional stability, how do I learn to stand alone again? |
t3_4rsk4d | relationships | I [27 F] feel like my boyfriend [28 M] has lost interest in haing sex with me. together 4 years, Dont live together | Me and my boyfriend have been happily dating for the past 4 years, and lately i feel as though he is "going through the motions" when it comes to our intimate activities.
We dont live together, but spend 2-3 nights a week with each other.
I am the only person who initiates these days, and even though he never turns me down.... its the same lazy position every time and he rarely orgasms.
He swears its not me, but its hard to take.
I will mention that i have been making every effort to keep our sex life interesting. I love sex! and i miss his energy and libido from when we first started dating.
Also, i have not gained any weight or let my appearance go in any way. My job requires me to stay fit and healthy, so no worries there.
When i bring this up to him, he shrugs it off like its not a big deal and reassures me that i make him happy. | Boyfriend of 4 years seems to have lost interest in sex, neither of us have let ourselves go or suffer from mental health issues |
t3_q58ng | AskReddit | Reddit, what stories have your friends told you that you have done whilst drunk, but have no recollection of? | The other week I decided to get very intoxicated due to being dumped (I know, bad decision). I downed a large amount of Jacks before going into a club. Upon leaving the club my mind decides to black out for the rest of the night. I was with my sister at the time and apparently on the drive home I was babbling complete and utter shit. To shut me up, my sister bought me a 50c cone from McDonalds. For some reason unknown I thought it would be a good idea to try and shove the whole cone into my mouth while laughing menacingly, which turned into crying hysterically for an hour afterwards and passing out. Apparently while crying hysterically I was shrieking "I IMMEDIATELY REGRET THIS DECISION". I woke up in the morning and found bits of dried ice cream and cone through out my hair. I asked my sister and she explained what happened. I didn't believe her, at first thinking "lies, I would never do that". That's when I saw the picture. Me, sporting an evil grin and ice cream and cone covered all over my face. Basically looked like a porno gone wrong.
That has been only time whilst drinking that I have not remembered anything. I have no fucking clue what was going through my head that night. Now it's a story my sister likes to bring up at parties. | Got drunk, blacked out, shoved ice cream into face, woke up in the morning and thought "what the hell was I thinking?" |
t3_2vo5g3 | relationships | Am I (22M) right to be bothered by this possibility with my GF (22F)? | I'll try to keep this short.
**History:** Girl & I (will call her Jane) start "talking" in college, but nothing official. During her Summers, she worked at a grocery store with another guy, "Fred". She had a crush on Fred for as long as she'd known him, but he had a long-term girlfriend. Fred & his GF broke up shortly before Summer & Jane called me (live about 6 hours away during Summer) to tell me that she wanted to pursue him instead. I was thankful for how she handled it, but it definitely hurt.
Long story short, those two didn't work out for numerous reasons, we started talking again once school resumed, & things have been amazing since. It took a long time for things to get back to normal, but we're officially dating now & everything has been great.
~`~
**Current Problem**: She's graduated & got a job teaching. I'm still at our university, getting my masters degree. We don't live far apart, so we still see each other regularly. But I'm worried about this Summer.
As everyone knows, teachers get Summer off & often pick up second jobs during this time to supplement their income. She's considering doing the same, at the store she worked at with Fred, who is still working there.
I don't feel comfortable with that in the slightest. I understand that she'll need the additional income & that it would be significantly easier for her to pick back up at a job with people she knows. But I'd prefer it to be anywhere else in the world. She's rebuilt my trust in her for the most part over the past ~8 months, but I don't think it's humanly possible to trust someone that much to be OK with this.
I guess my question would be this: Am I right to be as bothered by this as I am? And if so, how do I approach the subject & tell her I'm not OK with it? I don't think I could mentally handle being 6 hours away from her, while she sees Fred every day at work. I think for my health, if she did end up working there, I would have to end the relationship.
~` | GF possibly working with an ex of hers that broke us apart in the past. How do I go about telling her I'm not OK with this? |
t3_4zuizx | personalfinance | Journalist needs advice on current job situation | Hello Reddit, longtime user but first time for asking advice.
I currently work as a journalist in Oklahoma and make around $27,000 a year, probably less. I've been there about a year now, there's talk of my department being put back on furlough (which only effects me technically) and there's been nothing but problems with out advertising department since I've been there. It's one of the more successful, though smaller, newspapers where I live and I got the job for work experience. I graduated with a degree in sports media and only have about $15k in student debts. With what I make now I just get by, can't save much but I'm not losing money.
Before I took this job I worked a a country club and as a server at a restaurant and made WAY more money doing that. A Buffalo Wild Wings is going to be opening where I live in a brand new shopping center and next to a casino. I went up there out of curiosity and wondering if they might need help for the weekend. I have about 7 years of restaurant experience and expected they wouldn't hire for just weekends. Of course that was the case but the manager I talked to made it sound like he really like me and said that if my availability changed to definitely go back. I told him I wanted to be a bartender and we seemed in agreement on that. Maybe I'm living in another world but I honestly see more chance of advancement in a corporation like BWW then where I'm at now. Plus I've always enjoyed working in a restaurant and don't mind the fast-paced atmosphere.
I think I'd make more money if I was bartending full-time and I feel like I can always freelance with my writing skills. Plus I feel like transferring around at BWW wouldn't be that far-fetched of an idea if I did need to move. So basically Reddit, is it a terrible idea for me to go back to something like bartending after I've found a job doing what I went to school for? Should I stick it out with what I'm doing or milk what I think will be a cash cow and work on my career in the process? | Journalists make shitty money, I can make as much or more being a bartender. BUT SHOULD I ACTUALLY DO THAT? |
t3_3gfiqj | relationships | Wife stressed, kids crazy and trying to get promoted | Reddit, I need help. I have a family of four, one income and my wife is about to start her last year Interning as a teacher. I have supported us for the past couple years so she can focus on school, our days during school is just go to work, pick up the kids, make dinner, fight with kids about dinner, put them to bed then go to bed and repeat. I try to take as much pressure off of her as I can so she can just focus and get through this last year. My problem is she gets so worked up about how shitty her schedule is going to be that when we have free time it's just her being stressed about how hard it's going to be. She had the summer off while I worked and stressed with my own work problems. Our 7 year old is really struggling not being the baby while our 1 year old is starting to walk and become more of a chore keeping him entertained, I'm 41 years old and I've never been in a relationship where the person I've been with wasn't going to school and I wasn't supporting them. Oh for good measure to save money we moved into her alcoholic dads house and it shouldn't be a problem because he works nights. The man is crazy and we are moving next week but it just feels like my head is about to explode with the tension. I'm on the cusp of doing something great with my job and really helping my family in the long run but my family's day to day is really holding me back from from taking advantage of the Job opportunity being presented to me but making this year extremely difficult for my wife and my family and the amount of support I need to provide. | Have kids, wife is stressed in last year of school, one income, chance to advance in job but current situation is holding me back and further burdening my family |
t3_wa1xp | AskReddit | Woman won't remove my personal information (name, number, email) from a website. What can I do? | Long story short, I Google'd my own phone number because on a first date, a guy used my full name before I introduced myself and laid out all my information. I promptly left, of course, but seeing as the only identifying info I'd given was my number, I Google'd it to see what came up.
At my old high school, I was president of a small club (science fiction club) and I had to list my contact info, but it was only to be used by the administrator in charge of clubs. It turns out that a parent (typical PTA lady) took the information provided and uploaded it to the Internet, which I didn't consent to, nor did other club leaders. The document was supposed to be private, but was circulated through the campus newsletter, which she runs. That would be fine. Uploading the document to a public website she runs is not okay. The PTA Lady is listed as the admin of the site and is the one who runs the newsletter as well.
Now our full names, private emails (non-throwaways), and phone numbers are out for anyone to view. It's the top result if I google my name, phone number, or email. I don't even attend high school anymore, so I sent her a very polite email a month ago asking that it be removed. I got no reply, so I double checked every week, and still, no removal!
I sent her an email yesterday, and she responded with a basic, "Nope, I'm not going to change it, it's not my problem, because as a volunteer, I'm not ." She is gone for two weeks. | PTA mom took a private school document equivalent to a directory and made it public without anyone's consent and refuses to remove it. What can I do? |
t3_5506nh | relationships | Diamond Ring Dilemma | My (31f) husband (32m) and I didn't have a lot of money when we got married. I had a ton of debt from a medical situation and he had student loans. In just a few years, we've worked hard and paid off our debt. He is working a lot and we set up investments and several side jobs to help us pay off the debt, so we are still earning more money than we need now that our debt is gone. My husband wants to continue to work as much as we did to pay off our debt so that he can buy me the diamond ring I didn't get when we got married. I really don't want a diamond ring. I may have wanted one when we got married, but at this point it seems silly. I don't think it's worth the money at this point. I am tired of both of us working so hard and would rather scale back our side jobs. How can I make this clear to him without hurting his feelings? | How can I tell my husband not to buy me a diamond ring when he's made a big deal of wanting to do it? |
t3_43wlv1 | relationships | My[M25] girlfriend [F23] and I broke up but we still live together for now. How to make it bearable? | We had been together for some 3 years and we broke up 4 days ago. I probably should have done it some other time because she loves valentines day but done is done.
So now to the problem. We still live together and I can't just throw her out on the street and it's not easy to get an apartment in the city we live in so it could be a month or more before she finds a place to stay.
Do you guys have any tips? It's a small apartment and everytime we are both in it she wants to talk and apologize and I just want to avoid her and move on. I slept at a friends place for 2 days but I can't sleep on a couch for a month. | We broke up. We still live together for now and I wonder how to make it better or at least bearable. |
t3_4uul90 | askwomenadvice | Should I [27/M] confront her [26/F] as to why she is ignoring me | I'm 1/2 Japanese and I met this Japanese girl in Paris. She went back to japan but we kept in regular contact and went out a twice, once in Paris and once in Japan. The 2nd time we spent all night just talking and I felt we really got to know each other. 2 weeks ago she drunk calls me, then apologies the next day saying "I missed you" and "I just wanted to hear your voice". At this point I'm really happy because I take it as a sign she likes me back. Then a week ago she called me when I was in a meeting so I couldn't pick up, she then sends me a text saying she will "go to bed now and I will text you later" followed by "good night!"
Since then she has ignored all my calls and messages. I don't want to hassle her so I have only tried to call her a few times. It has gone from regular calls and texts to complete silence and I have no idea why.
I don't know if she is angry with me or something but I am pretty sure she has lost interest. I am just confused as the how she can lose interest overnight and if I did something wrong.
Either way should I ask her what has happened? I would rather know so I can move on, I don't want to chase after something that doesn't exist. | Met a girl who I thought gave me signs she liked me back then suddenly ignores me. Should i ask her why she is ignoring me or forget about it and move on with life. |
t3_4mw2po | relationships | I [17 M] need help on how to ask out a girl [18 F] that I barely know, but is into me. | So there is a girl at my school that some of my friends say is into me. I had a class with her freshman year, but never really talked much, and have never really talked since. She has recently been coming to my soccer games with her friends and cheering our team on as well. We are both seniors now.
I know who she is and I know that she is a pretty fun and cute girl. I know that you should probably know someone before you date them, but I think it would be fun to go on a few dates and get to know her there.
The problem is that I don't really have social media, unlike just about every other person my age. I just don't care for it. So I don't have a way to talk to her through that.
A classmate of mine gave me her number, but I don't want to ask her out through text messages. It just seems pretty cowardly. But I also never see her anywhere. I might see her once a month because I guess our classes just aren't close.
I guess my question is whether or not girls care if you ask them out through texts or not. A girl's opinion on this would be very helpful. | How do I ask a girl out that I know is into me, but we haven't really officially met. And do girls care if you ask them out through texts? |
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