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t3_kracw | running | What the hell happened to me today? | I'm training for my first marathon, and everything was going pretty great until today's run.
A little background: As I said, this will (hopefully) be my first marathon. I was training for the same race last year, but got injured. I had made it up to 15 miles for the LSD. I'm a long time runner - started running track and cross country when I was 13, and I've never taken more than about 3 months off of running since then (I'm 26 now). So, while the marathon distances are new for me, my body is quite used to running.
I had been increasing my long runs by 1 mile a week, up to 16 miles 2 weeks ago. At each distance I felt challenged, but strong and confident in my ability to move forward. Last weekend I ran a half-marathon and also felt great. Today I went out for 18 miles, and felt like complete shit almost immediately. Seriously, by mile 5 I could tell the entire run would be miserable, and my goal became just to plod along and hopefully finish the full 18. My pace was a good 1 to 1:30 minutes per mile slower than I usually run, and I even had to walk some in the last 4 miles. I'm quite embarrassed to even say that, because I never let myself walk more than just to hydrate and fuel. | Training for a marathon, it's been going great, but today I went out for 18 miles and felt so horrible I'm having doubts that I can run the race. Has this happened to anyone else? |
t3_3mb960 | relationships | I'm [21 M] having second thoughts about my gf [21 F] of 2.5 years, unsure of breaking it off and really need help | I've been with my gf for 2.5 years and I love her to death, but I'm questioning things lately.
I'm close to wanting to break it off but it's so hard and I don't know if it's in my best interest.
We most often enjoy the time spent together and have fun. But we argue a bit too much and when we do she can overreact (she somewhat wants to fix that, though).
We also heavily lack the intimacy we once had. We used to cuddle all the time and have sex weekly on average, and she wanted it. Now we have sex once everyone 1-2 months and she never lets me cuddle her. It hurts me, being a touchy feely guy. She seems to not care much about fixing this.
Another issue is I do feel restricted. I haven't gone to a party in 2 years because I've pretty much been conditioned not to, but I don't exactly mind that fact. Main point here: I love hiking and wish I could do it every week, and go on long hiking trips, but in this relationship I get to hike maybe once every few weeks and don't see any long trips in my future.
And for the grand finale: We have a dog together. Looking back, it wasn't in our best interest financially and it's caused a fair amount of stress, even though we love him like crazy. If we break up I can only see her taking the dog, which makes sense considering my desire to hike, but I can barely muscle leaving her and the dog behind.
I'm in such a slump. I've been depressed for the past week with these feelings clogging my mind. I love my girlfriend so much and care for her endlessly, and leaving this relationship would kill me. I should mention she's also my first very serious girlfriend.
Do I continue this relationship and try improve things? Do I get out and work on myself? I don't know :( | First serious gf. Have dog together. Not sure if I should end it. I'm stuck and I need advice. |
t3_380r9d | relationships | My husband [24] and I [20], dealing with his toxic father [50s] | My husband and I have been together for 4 years, married for 1. We are very happy with each other and our current life, and try to make the most of everything we have.
Our most significant source of stress is his father, who we live with. We are regularly frustrated by his lack of empathy and his sense of entitlement. He is rude, selfish, prejudiced (racist, sexist, homophobic, he's got it all), and highly co-dependent on my husband. They have a poor relationship, but my FIL believes we will live with him forever, cook and clean for him forever, and pay off his debts.
He spends all day and night (when he is not at work) blasting the TV in the living room, and trolling for troubled (read: mentally ill, poor, otherwise resourceless) 18-20 year old women online. He has brought a few of these girls home and they always seem extremely unwell. His predatory nature is absolutely disgusting to us.
We will be moving out ASAP, but I'm worried he'll move as close to us as he can, and try to come over/call all the time. My husband and I are on the same page when it comes to him, but we have not decided what to do exactly.
If we don't want him to spend significant amounts of time around our future kids (which we don't), and we are already trying to severely limit our time with him, what sort of involvement should he have in our life? | Husband and I live with selfish, empathy-free, predatory FIL. He is a huge source of stress, we never actually want him around. Should we go low contact once husband and I move out, and to what extent? |
t3_2mz0q2 | relationship_advice | FWB [22/f] friendzoned me [22/m] as she started dating someone out of nowhere. What should I do? | Ok, so I know the whole "friendzone" topic has been discussed ad nauseam but this one is a little more complicated.
I had this friend and we started getting really close. Eventually we got very serious and starting having sexual relationships, dates, walks in parks ect. We spoke on the phone all the time for hours and if we weren't, we were normally texting each other. Throughout this entire time, I knew she was talking to someone else but never paid much mind to it. I even remember once we were having sex and he started blowing up her phone and she just threw the phone on her desk. She would text me things like she misses me and I made her laugh all the time. Then one day out of nowhere (and i mean out of nowhere, just a few days before-hand, we were planning a trip together Montreal where she was saying how we were going to have "fun" in a hotel and how she was going to go home to get her passport) I signed into Facebook and see that she updated her relationship status with this guy.
Out of shock, I don't talk to her for a while and eventually she hits me up and pretends like nothing's wrong, doesn't mention anything about her new bf and starts using terms like "Best buds 4 life". I haven't really brought it up and have been replying to her very enthusiastically. Sometimes late at night I would cave in and send her a quick message of a funny picture because I did have feelings for her and i did miss her.
I'm in sort of a limbo here since I haven't really brought anything up with her and neither has she. Should I just cut off all ties, delete her off social medias and move on (I'm sure she'll know why I did it) or stick around and hopefully wait to see if she breaks up? I am quite offended by how I ended up in all of this. I almost feel like I was used physically. | FWB who I was getting very close to unexpectedly starts seeing other guy and friendzones me. A little hurt and not sure what to do. |
t3_2db0f1 | relationships | I [17M] am trying to become more intimate with my gf [17F] and the reasons she doesn't want to don't make sense to me. | So today I went to the mall with my girlfriend of soon to be four months with whom things have been going alright. This is the first time either of us have been in a serious dating relationship so neither of us really knows the ropes too well. The furthest we've ever gone is just some light kissing.
So we eventually wind up back at her house and head on down to the basement where we play a game of pool and end up sitting on a couch afterwards. We end up talking about goals we have for ourselves. I thought it would be a suave move to throw in at the end that I hadn't finished my one goal of making out with the prettiest girl I know.
Unfortunately, she doesn't swoon like I thought she would have and just looks at me kind of funny. She told me that she wasn't into that sort of thing and how she was raised in a Catholic home and that just infuriates me.
I'm a Catholic as well albeit a more progressive one but what I want to do is well within that morality set. I go to a Catholic high school and I know what the boundaries are and from what I've learned making out would be alright. I'm not trying to lead into sex and have also made that clear to her.
The second piece that bothers me is that she doesn't come from an ultra-conservative Catholic household either. One of her older brothers is gay and the whole family is fine with it. It just seems backwards to be ok with that and still be super reserved about dating.
Finally, it makes me upset that she's unwilling to compromise with me. I get it may not be her favorite thing in the world, but I still watch the chick flicks and go shopping with her because she wants to.
Just wondering where I should go/ what I should say now to try and get the wheels rolling. | Trying to become more intimate with gf. She keeps pushing me away with excuses of her Catholic and it "not being her thing" |
t3_1yt9id | relationships | I [21F] found out that my boyfriend [23M] has been using dating and hook-up apps without telling me. | Is this lying by omission? Or am I just overreacting?
I am in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend of almost a year. A month ago, my friend (who lives in his area) came across him on Tinder and she sent me a screencap of him. It said that he was active on there a few hours ago from when she came across him, so naturally I freaked out a little and confronted him about it. He reassured me that he wasn't using it and I wanted to trust him, because trust is such a fundamental aspect of a LDR.
A few days ago, my friends and I discovered that you can see who's using the app Down (formerly known as Bang my Friends) using a Facebook graph search so out of curiosity, we looked to see which of our friends were on it. Lo and behold, my boyfriend is one of the 4 males on my friend list who use it.
At this point, I'm confused and feel sick to my stomach about this. How should I approach this issue and realistically, what would you think of this?
Also, as a side-note (not sure how relevant this is), I also found a used condom wrapper in his room when I was doing some light cleaning a while back and when confronted, he vehemently denied knowing how that got there and said that he has ever cheated on me and said that he would never cheat on anyone. I just don't know what to think anymore. | My LD boyfriend has a history of "innocent" dating/hook-up app usage and other red flags of cheating but has never admitted to anything. Found out he uses Bang my Friends app and now unsure what to think or say |
t3_hvx7o | AskReddit | Am I being unreasonable? | When I got together with my current significant other there was another woman interested in him. She was shy and quiet and not particularly articulate. Rather than go straight for him I spoke to him for a while and sussed out whether he had any interest in her. He said no and we started dating. Since then we have moved across the world and I figured well there is no harm if he wants to stay friends with her. Since she has moved within a 15 hour driving radius but i had no real drama with that. Then last night I happened to glance at his laptop screen while he was talking to her. She was asking him about what turns him on. This caused me a great deal of anger and upset as when he and I got together she said some pretty harsh and untrue things regarding my character. As a result of this I asked him to unfriend her which he did without hesitation. Was my response unreasonable? | A friend of my boyfriend on facebook asks him about his turnons. I ask him to unfriend her. Unreasonable? |
t3_1zt4sn | relationships | I'm [22F] not satisfied with my boyfriend [23M] of 5 years anymore. | My boyfriend (m23) and I (f22) have been together for almost 5 years. Around the 1 year mark, I told him I loved him which he never said back. I was quite hurt and since then have probably mentioned it around 3 more times (with no response back).
I began to feel distant from him as he is not very open emotionally and shut myself off, so I lost feelings for him. He said he loved me the other day over text and I felt nothing. I feel like he has a "shell" and he is not able to love me wholeheartedly.
I'm not satisfied in the relationship and have not been for a while. The problem is, I am afraid to let go. I'm scared he will become this amazing person full of hobbies (doesn't do much now or interact) and I'll regret letting him go but at the same time I can't wait forever for him to become more "fun."
I can't imagine myself with anyone else. It's just a sucky situation to be in and I'm just not happy. I guess I don't really know what my question is. I know people will tell me to let go if I feel this way but I was hoping to get some insight from people who have been in a similar situation. | I'm not happy in my relationship anymore and there's nothing he can say or do to fix it. Scared to let go. |
t3_1jo0q6 | relationship_advice | Losing my attraction to my boyfriend to an extent, not sure what to do... | Well I am a female, and I love my boyfriend a lot, I'm pretty sure he loves me back. I'm starting to lose my attraction to him, though. His face is actually quite attractive, but he's overweight. I feel so shallow for starting to dislike it so much. During sex I can't look down and try to avoid certain positions so I don't really have to see it.
In a way I've talked to him about it, I didn't say I found him unattractive I just asked why he didn't want to lose some weight in the nicest way I could. He said if he lost weight he'd become a douchebag and all egotistic. Sometimes he says "No way, my weight is a part of me!" I don't want that, but...I don't understand why losing weight would make you change. I didn't ask for washboard abs.
I'm at a loss, I'm in love with him and I couldn't break up with him, he'd fall to pieces. | Boyfriend is overweight, hence I'm losing my attracation to him, don't want to end it because I'm in love with him and would feel shallow, no idea what to do. |
t3_4l2eb2 | relationships | My [22M] parents[61M/F] have accused me of turning my back on my family | A few days ago my parents told me that I had turned my back on my family because I don't make enough of an effort to see them when they decide to come in town.
A little back ground, my nephew[2M] as diagnosed with cancer and because he and my sister[35F] live a few states away my parents have essentially moved to the area to help her out. I say essentially because they randomly return for a day or two providing only 12 hours of notice, at most. This past week was a prime example of this.
So as usual, I was told the night before and was expected to drop my previous plans to spend time with them. The first day I had a full day of work, and a prior commitment that I have weekly. Once I finished I texted my mother at 8:30pm, and was promptly told not to bother to visit. The next day, I had work in the morning and my SO's[21F] college graduation. This time I went ahead and drove to their house around 8pm and arrived to be promptly told I have turned my back on the family and that I have no regard for my family. Along with throwing a lot of insults in my girlfriends direction my mother told me that I was a terrible person and needed to be sticking together with them while my nephew went through this.
I talk to my sister daily and stay updated with the situation through her. Am I that terrible of a person for not dropping my plans when they decide to drive over or am being unreasonable? I haven't spoken with my mother much since except to receive some guilting text messages(i.e. "Where did we go wrong raising you", "We never thought you would do this to us", etc). An outside opinion would be appreciated on the matter. | Didn't drop plans to spend time with parents when they made a sporadic visit, told I'm purposefully distancing myself. |
t3_2rgxdi | relationship_advice | 25/m Unusual Relationship issue with 23/F | I'm not sure how to succinctly explain this.
Right after I turned 20 I met a girl who was 17 going on 18. We had a very deep connection, right away and it only got stronger over our five years together. At the end of '14 we started having serious problems...stuff on both sides, she began to abuse me and we stopped talking for 3 months.
After talking some stuff over at length, it became clear to me (and she verbatim confirmed) that the root cause of our problems is her insecurity. Quite simply, she thinks I'm too good for her. This sounds like a huge humblebrag, but it's not. It scares me because it's not some problem with a broken part...it's complex.
"I have very little to offer you. I'm nice, of average intelligence, and mildly attractive...you're great."
She says she just can't understand why I want to be with her, or love her, and that the insecurity behind that is the root cause of our problems.
I say this only because it's pertinent: on paper, she's 'right'. I know for example that she's insecure about the disparity in our looks.
"You're just better than me."
At the same time, we have something incredible and unique and special. She must have said to me twenty times:
"I don't know what to do"
What do *I* do!? | Woman who is best friend and love -we were supposed to marry- is not sure how she can continue our relationship based on her perception of me being significantly better than her. |
t3_3d7avh | relationships | Erotic Roleplay Site ruining our relationship; 30m, 34f, 6yr relationship | My fiance enjoys roleplaying on a website that involves IRC chats. It's something he's indulged in since high school, and while I told him that I was able to deal with it in the beginning of our relationship, a few months later I let him know that it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and prefer that he stop. He did, for a short time, but would press me from time to time, suggesting that I don't trust him, and remind me that it's simply the story.
After considerable pressure I caved again recently and let him return. When he's on these sites he often spends hours crafting the ideal response, while remaining short tempered with me when I interrupt him. Things in our relationship have been very rough lately, and our marriage has been delayed due to circumstances beyond both our control. We had a pretty bad fight about this last weekend, where I told him that I believe that cybersex is, quite simply, cheating, and he feels that it's just his porn and I don't mind him looking at porn. I know this man is faithful, and would never cheat on me, but it's like a stab in the heart when he roleplays with strange women, particularly because I've offered to do so with him. He doesn't want me there.
This issue is crushing my self esteem, I know I've put on weight, and I'm working hard to take it off, but I feel undesirable and rejected. I've told him plainly how I feel about it, but he told me that I have to -tell- him to quit. I have a hard time demanding that a grown man do anything. Am I completely overreacting, and is there a reasonable way to handle this? | Fiance likes to erp via IRC. He says it's his porn fix, but he's very flirtatious on these sites, it's destroying my self esteem and I feel it's cheating. Suggestions? |
t3_3hi9dt | relationships | Me [22F] with my boyfriend [25M] of 6 months. Feeling insecure about his past relationship after Facebook stalking his ex? | We've been dating for about 6 months. I recently did some Facebook stalking and stumbled upon his ex's profile. They had the cutest pictures together and really seemed to complement each other.
They also looked so happy, and they would often go out with their friends, and their families were very close. He lives in a new city now, where he met me, so I don't know any of his friends or family. It makes me feel disconnected from that part of his life, or like I don't even exist to them.
I don't know how to get over their relationship. It makes the one I have with him now seem so bland in comparison. We don't take that many pictures, and because of our busy schedules, I only get to see him a couple times a week.
I just wish we could have the relationship they had, going out and making memories all the time. I can't stop crying. I wish I'd never found her facebook. The only reason they broke up was because of distance, which makes me think they would've stayed together otherwise. | I don't know how to get over my boyfriend's past with his ex because they seemed perfect and happy for each other. |
t3_n5m66 | Parenting | Too little for bed, too big for a crib | My daughter is about 16 1/2 months old. About a week and a half ago, she managed to climb out of her crib. Previous to this, she would typically cry for three to ten minutes when first put in her crib for the night, unless already asleep, and usually sleep anywhere from all the way through the night to somewhere between 4 and 6 am, at which point I would get her and bring her to bed with us. I had just started trying to acclimate her back to spending the whole night in her crib (going in and holding her for a few minutes, then putting her back in her crib again instead of bringing her back to bed) when she pulled the monkey routine. Concerned she might hurt herself (we have hardwood floors), and having already lowered the crib as long as it will go, we gave up on the crib for the time being and let her sleep with us.
This past weekend, we converted her crib to a toddler bed, and last night we finally got her baby gate set up. I can settle her in the bed, as long as I'm cuddling with her, but the moment I move away, she freaks out. She can't get out of her room, so I'm not worried about safety, but I am concerned we're expecting too much of her; she understands "bedtime" and that we expect her to go to sleep, but I don't think she has the emotional wherewithal to stay in bed. But none of the three of us get very good sleep with us all in my bed-- my husband and I wake up stiff and sore from unnatural positions, and we're paranoid about rolling over on her. | We need to figure out a way to get her sleeping safely and more comfortably on her own, for everyone's sanity. Anyone have any ideas? |
t3_44pg9c | Advice | How do I ask for anti-anxiety medication? | Trying to keep it short:
I suffer from moderate - severe panic attacks (related to childhood trauma). I do not want to "talk to someone". I much prefer keeping to myself. However, there come times where these panic attacks keep me from performing in my day-to-day life.
(Would really really LOVE to hear from some actual GP's here).
How to I approach a GP (I currently do not have one), without seeming like a drug seeker? I worked in a hospital for a few years, so I know once you are branded a drug seeker, this can follow you in in that network. | I want to try out some anti-anxiety meds to see if it helps my life. Afraid to ask a doctor. |
t3_42x5ib | relationships | I [24M] struggle to face up to reality with my GF [23F] | We've been together for roughly five months. Around a month or two ago, I asked her to tell me what she was feeling about me, and she told me she wasn't attached to me and that she couldn't say that she loved me – I had told her I was deeply in love with her. I comforted her, telling her I don't expect her to feel the same way; I just needed her to feel nice with me, which is the case. Please don't anticipate and think that I'm too possive or so; I'm not and it's not the problem.
I've been waiting for the situation to change, for her to get more attached to me, but as the days pass, I start feeling the opposite way. Like, she cancels restaurant nights with me and go out with her friends more often. She trains basket lately and doesn't invite me over. She doesn't tell me she'd like to see me – I'm always the one suggesting we could meet and sleep together. She slept at my place on last Saturday night, and we haven't met yet until then.
A lot of my friends have told me I'm not facing up to reality. She might think I'm important but she doesn't love me. She appreciates the time she spends with me but that's all. I'm not a priority. I tried to chill out, "live the moment", but damn, we don't have no project, the relationship is basically going nowhere.
I've decided to put some distance to see how she reacts. Not being rude or cruel, just stopping to send texts each morning, waiting for her to do so. I've stopped asking her for sleep overs at hers or mine. I think I kinda need to protect myself, because I truly love her, but the lack of feedback and – damn call it the proper way – love from her is slowly killing me. I often feel depressed and I'm not sure that's the feeling I should have in a relationship.
What do you think? | I think I'm not facing up to my girlfriend not being in love with me and considering me as whatever; what should I do? |
t3_377lw2 | relationships | Am I [20M] right to cut a rapist and former friend out of my life? [Non-Romantic] | Growing up, I had a close friend who was a few years older than myself. I looked up to him as a bit of a mentor or an older brother figure. He moved away some years ago and I finally saw him last summer when we worked together at a summer camp. Because of our longstanding friendship, we were both put as counselors into the same cabin. Over the course of the summer, I realized he was not the person I once knew - he repeatedly made vile and sexually explicit comments about our female coworkers. About halfway through the summer, he was terminated for sexually assaulting one of our female coworkers - also a friend.
Following this incident, I cut him out of my life with essentially no contact afterwords. He repeatedly tries to message me on facebook to rebuild our friendship and I have mostly not responded. He attempts to portray himself as a victim of the situation rather than the cause of it and I know for a fact that this was not the case. He seems to still be having a difficult time accepting his actions and part of me wants to regain contact with him in order to rebuild our friendship. Am I in the wrong for cutting him out of my life or is that a justifiable action considering what he has done? | old friend is a rapist who I cut out of my life. He wants to re-establish a friendship but I am uneasy and wondering if it is right to simply never talk to him again. |
t3_17wbum | tifu | TIFU by NOT shitting myself. | No, the title is not sarcasm.
I had a tough quiz today, and I did well. So I decided to treat myself to some Taco Bell, as I haven't had any in ages. I figured I'd be spending the night in, studying for my upcoming midterms anyway, so it didn't matter if I got the Taco Bell Shits.
I ordered a bunch of bean burritos and fucking demolished them. I figured even if it's the horrifying meat that makes Redditors shit like they have cholera, the beans would at least give me some wicked farts.
So, I waited a few hours, with no gastrointestinal distress. I received a text from a good friend I haven't seen in a while, asking if I wanted to have some girl time. I declined with the excuse that I had to study. She implored me again, and a second time I declined, certain I was making the responsible decision.
Still, my intestines and colon remained calm. I didn't even let a single one rip. My stomach was placid as fuck, I took a normal dump, and slowly my rage grew. Nothing. I would've been fine to meet up with her. | I turned down seeing a friend who I won't for a while because I thought I'd get the runs, but nothing happened, so I stayed in for no fucking reason. |
t3_2uttbr | tifu | TIFU by introducing my wife to my female co-worker. | I actually fucked up 1.5 years ago. My wife came into my work to pick up the keys to our storage unit a little over a year and a half ago. When she came into my work I introduced her to my friend who is an absolute health nut. She runs and works out everyday, and she also has a candle making hobby. The candle making hobby is why I introduced her to my wife who also likes making candles. My wife doesn't have many friends so I tried to help her out. Well my plan it worked my wife eventually becomes best friends with my co-worker. My wife is 290 pounds, and I'm very attracted to larger women. My wife starts dieting and exercising with my co-worker and today she weighs 160 pounds. Please don't think I'm jealous of my wife and her weight loss. I weigh 175 pounds and I'm very proud of my wife for choosing a more healthy lifestyle.
Yes you guys may think this is good, however I'm not attracted to skinny women. I have always been attracted to larger women. I still love my wife, however i'm no longer attracted to her.
At this point i'm not really sure what i'm gonna do. My wife doesn't know I'm no longer attracted to her. I still love her asides from her looks. All of my friends who always found my wife unattractive now find her attractive. Its really just an awful situation. | My wife used to be a large beautiful lady, and now she lost lots of weight and I find her unattractive. |
t3_4v22le | jobs | How do I politely ask a recruiter to prove their identity? | UPDATE: Whelp, seems it was legit, and he seems pretty irritated that I was asking so many questions and implying that he was a phisher. Might cost me the job.
I've recently been offered a fairly good job as a technician for a company looking to expand to my area. I applied to the job through Indeed, and was contacted a few days later by a manager via phone. We scheduled a phone interview, and after playing communications tag for about a week, I was offered the job.
The manager is now requesting I fill out a background check form and submit a copy of my drivers license to him directly. I was a little uncomfortable with this, and asked him to put me in contact with someone from HR directly, citing my concern for my security. Quoting his response e-mail directly:
"I completely understand. I upload the background directly myself so it will not go to anyone else. I also upload the documentation into your profile on our HR system as well."
The manager has also been a bit difficult to reliably contact. Responds to e-mails at weird hours(11:50pm), and has on multiple occasions failed to call in for a phone-call that he scheduled due to 'unexpected emergencies'
How do I politely ask him to prove his identity? I have never met him in person, and have no proof that he actually works for the company he claims to work for. I am not comfortable sending him my SSN and drivers license. | After a phone interview and inconsistent communications, I was offered job by a manager who I have no proof actually works for the company he claims to work for. |
t3_haiq3 | AskReddit | I'm trying to downshift / live simpler, could really use some tips | A decade of high stress plus a really truly awful 2008 has motivated me to look into [downshifting] / simple living.
Anyway I'm about 16 months in and thinking I did it wrong because all that stress from the 6-figure job and city living has been replaced with other stress...
So has anyone on Reddit ever done this? Successfully? I'd like to reboot my life and start over. Questions I have that I never figured out are:
- Where is a decent place to live with a low cost of living?
- How do I explain to a future employer that "yes, I would rather make $12/hr than sit in cubicle world for 6 figures"
- I would like to see a therapist, but I'm very broke at the moment!
Thanks Reddit - if you've done this before or know someone who has I'd appreciate some sage guidance. | I hit the "eject" button on my career and need someplace to find a way to get my head straight. |
t3_3gqbs7 | tifu | TIFU by googling my sister's fiancé II | So for those who read my previous post please visit [here]( | Googled my sister's fiancé, found out he was a sex offender, I met with and told her, says she wants to break up with him. |
t3_3dug4e | relationships | I've been seeing a girl recently and feel hurt because she goes out to clubs/bars. | I don't want to feel this way because it's a problem. We've only hung out a few times, but will continue to see each other as we have more plans this week.
I haven't had a girlfriend in a few years because I am extremely picky with girls. All of the girls I've been seeing over the years just suck and I had no interest in dating any of them. However, this girl (we'll call her Anna) and I really clicked. She's interesting, actually has passions and it doesn't hurt that she is the most gorgeous girl I've ever been with. We've only hungout a few times, but I can see myself dating her.
Anyway, we don't follow each other on instagram, but I know hers because my friend knows her, so I creep it every now and then. She just posted a pic with her and a guy (who may be a friend or a rando from the club) and another pic with few friends and her standing next to another guy.
I don't even know what type of advice or "comfort" I'm looking for, but I shouldn't get jealous or upset over this to the point where it affects how I interact with her (which hasn't happened yet, but I'm afraid it might). We're not even dating! She's free to do as she pleases, but I still get upset over this shit.
She is absolutely beautiful and I'm actually into her so I guess I'm just scared of losing her to someone. She can get with, probably, just about any guy she wants to.
I don't know. Is this normal? It's just bugging me out a bit. By the way, I'm 22 (m) and she's 25. | Even though we're not officially dating, I've been getting upset because a girl I'm seeing goes out to bars and clubs. |
t3_1keks6 | relationship_advice | [19/m] been on family vacation, [17/f] girlfriend complains that I'm not telling her stuff? | Been together for a year. We're both out of town right now, seeing relatives/on vacation, and we get to talk once every 1-2 days.
Earlier today, she told me a lot about what she's been doing, eating, buying, whom she's seeing, and stuff like that, and said I have nothing to tell her, so I told her what I've been doing, eating, buying, and whom I'm seeing, same stuff.
But at the end, she complained that... she feels like I still haven't told her anything? And she hopes that it's not like this when I go to college? (My college is only 20 minutes away from hometown; I don't know if this would be considered LDR if I can see her at least every other weekend). | I tell her stuff similar to what she tells me, but she complains that I'm not telling her anything. I don't know what to say/do... |
t3_17ukdc | relationships | Girlfriend treats me cruel | My Girflfriend(16) and I(16) are about 6 months into our relationship. I know that this will seem trivial, but I want to keep her as long as possible. She is great most of the time, but a lot of times she treats me cruel. She expects me to rub her feet when she says, won't talk to me with any tone of kindness, or think of my opinion. I confronted her and she told me that she treats me like this because I don't force her to do otherwise. What should I do? Is she worth keeping? I truly love this girl, but if she expects me to do everthing and won't event talk kind to me, I don't think I could keep dealing with her.
Examples:
She expected me to drop all my plans today to drive an hour and a half to return her dead fish that costed her ($2.50), then when I did what I needed to do in the city we drove to, I ruined her day because she was late. | Girfriend is being a dick to me and won't let me be myself. Told me to make her respect me. |
t3_1h6bst | relationships | I [18M] was friend zoned by a girl [17F] because I'm white. | So I [18M] left my girlfriend [16F] of over a year and a half to be with a girl [17F] whom I dated for two weeks two years ago and feel for when she came back and told me she had feelings for me. Now I feel like I broke up with her[16F] just to be friend zoned by [17F] because "i personally prefer black guys now."
What should I do? Chase the girl I think I love[17F]? Or try to make things work with my now ex [16F] whom I still care about?
To be clear all three involved in this situation are white | I [18M] was friend zoned after I left someone [16F] to be with her [17F] |
t3_3g5qd0 | tifu | TIFU by spilling protein everywhere in front of my computer | so I was sitting in front of my computer after a good workout and was about to drink some protein from my blender bottle...I tapped on the lid and screwed the top on a little tighter just to make sure shit wouldnt come out....as i began to shake it....time stopped as all the protein comes flying out of the goddamn bottle. as it gets all over the floor, the desk, my 2 gaming laptops on the desk, and it even goes as far as splattering on my fan...to make matters worse I had my drawers open, full of content inside. for anyone who works out and drinks protein, u know how sticky that shit gets and here i am, scrubbing away at every single surface that was molested by the protein substance. protein is not something u can easily wipe off on the first try, it gets dry and you'll have to keep scrubbing at it until its completely off. so lesson learned, when drinking protein (shaking it up) in front of your computer, MAKE SURE THE GOD DAMN LID IS CLOSED. LIKE I MEAN REALLY SMASH ON THE LID SO IT CLICKS. I probably missed cleaning some spots so i will be occasionally touching sticky protein throughout the week. | tried to shake protein bottle without carefully ensuring that the lid is closed in front of my 2 gaming laptops as this gooey sticky shit flies EVERYWHERE literally man fuck life |
t3_4zj7lc | relationships | I [31M] had a crush on a good friend, she was not interested, can we make friendship work? | I met this girl through newly made friends early this year and we quickly came best friends, we'd talk every day and grew closer. So close that I started having feelings for her that were at their strongest in July. However I didn't say anything to her because I didn't want to ruin our friendship, which I value a lot. But today I just couldn't hold it in any longer so I told her how I felt.
I had been holding these strong feelings in for a long time and was feeling very depressed and the worst part was that she was noticing how I felt.
After I told her, she told me, she pretty much knew how I felt and was looking for the right time to tell me she wasn't interested in me that way. She also doesn't want this to ruin our friendship and suggested we should spend less time together and talk less.
Of course I was really sad but I was also relieved to get this of my chest. But the thing is, she is an awesome friend and I would like to keep it that way but staying away from each other wont fix everything, though it will help the healing of course.
Has anyone here have a similar story? How did it work out, are you as good of friends you were before?
Thank you for reading my rants. | Got a crush on a friend, told her, she didn't want a relationship. Can we be as good friends as before after some healing on my part? |
t3_2zxd3b | relationships | Me [19 F] with my mom [50s F]. How can I make her feel more comfortable with me moving out? | I'll be honest. Our relationship isn't great due to faults in both of us. But she's still my mom and I still love her and I want her to be comfortable with me moving out.
I'm planning on moving out with my boyfriend for a year. We both currently live with our parents and we plan to move out to be closer to our university, work, and just for a general life experience. We will be half an hour away from both of out parents tops. Currently we both have quite a bit of money saved up. Our rent also won't break our budget in the slightest. The prices we're considering are way below what we're comfortable with paying (including gas, water, etc.) We also plan to be in the safest part of the city.
Pretty much we have researched this a lot and plan to live way below what we make. As well as keeping emergency funds and all that fun stuff. Plus we only plan to move out for a year. We're both still students and luckily have very minimal debt. But we still do want to save up for when we graduate because who knows what will happen.
His parents and my dad are okay with this. They all just want us to have our finances in order and told us if we need any help we should just ask. We're lucky to have their support and not be too proud to ask for help if we need them. (Which I'm pretty sure we will need haha).
But my mom. I understand her perspective. I'm her only daughter and the youngest in the family. She's having a hard time letting me go. I just want her to be comfortable. Should I spell out all the facts for her to help her? I can giver her all the facts but she's still a mother. She will worry and be upset. Do I just need to accept her feelings and move out anyway? I do plan on coming back weekends to try and help.
I try talking with her, but she breaks down in tears every time. She's not very good with talking to begin with. I don't really know what to do. | I plan on moving out, and I want my mom to be comfortable with this. She's having a hard time accepting this and I don't know what to do to help. |
t3_1f5whg | offmychest | Not sure how to feel. | My boyfriend bought a necklace for another girl and I just don't know how I feel about it.
I was clicking about on his amazon account at the weekend (NOT behind his back, I hasten to add. He'd asked me to help him figure something out so I was clicking about to see if I could), and I saw a nice silver necklace in his purchasing history from about 6 weeks ago. I asked who he was buying jewellery for and he said for [friend] for her birthday. At the time I just kinda said oh ok and moved on. But I'm not sure if it is ok. Or if it totally is ok, and I'm just being ridiculous.
On one hand it shouldn't matter. He loves me and I know he does and I'm 99% sure there is nothing going on with him and this other girl. They are friends and have been for a while and he just wanted to get her something nice for her birthday. Which is cool, and I'm imagining is exactly the way he thought about it. He's super kind and thoughtful.
On the other hand...I don't know. I just don't like it. I think it's weird to buy jewellery for someone who's not your SO. Is this just me? I also think its weird that he didn't mention it, and still probably wouldn't have if I hadn't seen it. While I know there's nothing going on with them more than friendship I have had my niggling doubts now and then about her. But I don't want to be one of those girlfriends, so I just keep them to myself. I don't know what it is.
But I feel there's probably no point in bringing it up with him. Especially as it was a couple of days ago I found out, I feel it's too late to bring it up. And I don't know if I have reason to be not cool with it or if I'm just being stupid. We have other things kind of going on with us just now (nothing major, just changes throwing us out a bit) and I feel like I'm maybe just dwelling on it because a lot of things are up in the air. I don't know. | my boyfriend bought another girl a necklace for her birthday and I'm not sure if I'm cool with it. Or if I should be. |
t3_39nkam | tifu | TIFU by taking a leak on my girlfriend | I went over to my girlfriends house hoping for some sexy times only to find out her mom didn't have work today and was home. So we decided to just chill and watch some TV which was totally cool with me since I enjoy just being with her. Out of no where she starts tickling me in my armpit which I'm not really used to. She's never done it before and i dont know why she was starting to do it now. I haven't been tickled in a while. I let her know that its a bit uncomfortable for me and she agreed not to do it again.
A few minutes go by. A commercial comes on and she starts tickling me again... This is where I fuck up.
She tickled me so hard that I ended up peeing all over her and all over the sofa. Pee starts flying everywhere for like 20 seconds... I'm trying to hold back but it's no use.
She got very angry at me even though it was her fault. My gf and I were soaked in my own piss and I was getting yelled at. | Gf tickled me when I told her not to and made me piss everywhere then got angry at me for it. |
t3_ed8nf | AskReddit | Reddit, my internet goes out for 1-8 hours randomly all the time. Help, please! | I have Comcast internet. And it will randomly go out a lot. I live in my friend's house. I pay him monthly by paypal, and he pays everything by automatic payments from his bank account. But that means I can't call and bitch at Comcast because it's not my account. And it can be pretty difficult to get ahold of my friend sometimes (he lives across the country)
I asked him tonight to change the account to me, so that's an option, so I could call Comcast and complain or at least tell them and see if it is normal.
Also, I could get him to cancel the internet and get my own internet, but I know nothing about that... there is a router and wifi thing hooked up in the house. But the cable is automatically Comcast by housing rules, and the internet hookup is also Comcast by convenience.
The main problem is is that I have many classes online and if the internet goes out during an exam, it is explicitly clear that it is not an excuse and I will fail the class (because I could go to the crappy college where no computers are ever available and do it there and supposedly have good internet there)... And if I fail 1 class during an online exam I will fail my entire degree... for age-restriction reasons, I have to graduate by a certain time or I will not get the job.
So what do I do to have reliable internet? It's like 1-5 times a month, that it happens, more so recently. And it magically recovers like 1-8 hours later. And it's not my laptop, I have tried with multiple devices. I'm pretty sure it is the internet service provider. Or maybe a bad router? But my guess is no.
Every time the problem comes up as "The DNS server is not responding"... but after trying everything I'm pretty sure it is Comcast, because nothing ever works, and eventually it just starts working again like normal after many hours. | My internet goes out all the time and I will fail everything if it does this during an online exam and will be very fucked in my future career. Please help. |
t3_2cthmx | relationships | Was I wrong to tell my stepmother(40f) about my mom(40f) moving near my dad(40m)? | My dad(40m) and my stepmom(40f) are going through a
rough patch. They've been on and off for about eight years
now. My dad cheated on my mom(40f) with my
stepmom(without either knowing about the other), so now they have major trust issues. My dad can be a huge douche, he gets sarcastic and mean. One day they had an argument
and he called her son fat. They were due for divorce after that argument. My mom used to live an hour away in another city, but she moved back to near where my dad lives. My dad lies to my stepmom a lot, he didn't want her to know that my mom had moved near his house. My mom still loves him. So, my stepmom asked where my mother
and I live. I told her. I don't feel right lying, especially since these are her emotions that are being messed with and I think my dad has no right to mess with her emotions. Now he's mad, and he's blaming his impending divorce on me. I overheard him talking about me with my brother. I don't know if I was wrong to tell the truth, that I betrayed my dad. I don't know if I did the right thing. It's impacting me badly. Did I do the right thing, or should I have stayed out of it? | My dad intended to lie to my stepmom about my mom moving near his house. I told the truth. Should I have stayed out of it? |
t3_4ihsjf | relationships | Did I (14 M) over react to my non official girlfriend (12 F) | My friend and I were talking when she brought something up about hearing something about me. So when I proceed to ask her she would not tell me until it reached the point where she said she didn't believe what it was, so everything was fine.
Later I started questioning why she brought it up if she did not believe it. She wouldn't say so I guessed and asked if it was because she heard this thing about me and wanted to talk to me about it. She responded says idk so I proceed to say well that must mean yes so would you like to talk about it and she told me no so I questioned her on it. She said she did not want to talk about it because she didn't want to talk about it .
As she was saying this this made me mad as if she is not willing to trust me or talk about a situation then it will one only get worse and shows that maybe a relationship is not what we need. So at this point I simply said okay well goodbye.
I have not texted her back in a day as she has down this before and it makes me extremely frustrated. So I would like to know did I over react and if so what should have I done? | This girl said she heard something about me and hen I questioned her she would not tell me so I got made and said bye should I have dome something else? |
t3_1h0mf3 | relationships | I'm 19(f) and my bf is 29(m). After five months of being what seems like a last resort, I feel neglected and don't know how to fix it. | I'm 19 and a single mom. My boyfriend is 29 and had shared custody of his child. He is recently divorced. We've been seeing each other for about five months now. I don't feel like we are feeling the same way about this relationship. I don't have much time because I have a one year old and two jobs, I try to plan accordingly, but he would rather go out. When I don't have my daughter on that rare occasion he is too busy.
It's rare that he will invite me out or want to spend time with me outside of coming by after eight and spending the night. This isn't an every night thing. We work at the same nine to five job(it's a call center job so we don't get much time to actually see each other there) and then I work a second job 4 nights a week. I feel like after this long he should at least want to spend time with me outside of sleeping with me.
Tonight I asked him to come over because I work for the next three nights. He told me he was going out. Fine. No big deal, except it happens a lot. I told him how I felt and didn't get a reply. This was in person, but he'll just sit there and hang his head until I change the subject or fall asleep.
Sexually, he's great, but only when he can keep it up. I feel like that is my fault. I don't understand how I'm boring him.
I don't want to break up with him. He's amazing with my kid. We don't fight. But I feel like I like this guy and he doesn't feel the same way. I don't know how to resolve this without ending it. | My boyfriend spends little to no time with me outside of sex and sleeping. When I tried to confront him he doesn't even acknowledge it. I feel neglected. I don't know how to resolve this without just ending it. |
t3_1bu9pv | relationships | How do I stop feeling like the odd one out? | I (F, 20) recently(two weeks ago) moved into an apartment with my boyfriend(M, 20) who I have lived with before, but also two other males (23, 25) that he is friends with. They have been friends for a year and a half, and my boyfriend and I have been together 2 years with a friendship of 6.
I get along well with the guys, they are polite and its not their personality I have an issue with. Individually, when I have the chance, we get along fine. They all met in uni by doing the same degree, so all three have a hell of a lot in common. When together their conversations are always about uni work or the like (gaming etc), and I am not a gamer. I do not have an issue with it, and I am happy to engage in conversations, I have gone out of my way to gather knowledge on both topics so I can chat with them, but whenever I do I am flat out ignored.
I am ignored by my boyfriend also, which is upsetting, he spends 100% of the time with his friends and wont even hug me.
I guess I am feeling left out and unappreciated in my own house and its starting to bother/upset me. Is there anything I can do to get their attention and engage with me also? | moved in with boyfriend and his two friends, whenever I engage in conversation with them I am flat out ignored. Anything I can do to get their attention? |
t3_2q5f3a | relationship_advice | I'm [25/f] and need advice on when to discuss exclusivity... or a desired lack of it. [27/m; 31/m] | Hi Reddit.
The men referenced in the post are my two current examples, but this is a recurring issue for me.
I am actually happy single.
It's going to take, as it has always, a really stellar guy to make me commit, commitment being the multi-faceted, time- and emotionally-intensive status that it is.
That being said, I am not only blessed to be female, I also am lucky enough to be considered attractive, smart, and I am consistently kind and positive. I seem to be regarded as a catch. Which is great, and especially helpful as I go about dating. I am very lucky in that I have options- with a bit of weeding, wonderful men seem plentiful and available and eager enough to date me.
One of my many issues (I am certainly not perfect), is that I don't know how to bring up dating multiple people, with each person I am dating. Sometimes one fellow immediately and unequivocally rises above the rest and I KNOW I want to be with him (and once that feeling takes over, I am down with monogamy!), sometimes (like now!) there are two (sometimes 3) candidates that are both fantastic and uniquely flawed. I am wondering how our strengths and flaws compliment or offend each other, while still being me- open, honest, attentive, engaged, sweet- and they are already jumping into dream town with our future plans.
If I do choose to get into a serious relationship with one of these guys (and I'll sort out which one, if either), I don't want to hurt him now about this. But, at least one I'm not going to be with, and I don't want it to feel like a total surprise. Where, when, how do I bring up that this is still a test run for me? That I'm being honest every step of the way, I'm just also seeing someone else, and of course don't expect exclusivity from them until we've expressly discussed changing the status quo (implying the status quo is dating whomever we want, although it's not been stated!).
I'm at a loss. Help. | When dating multiple wonderful men, and deciding whom if either to pick, when does one check in to affirm/establish a status quo of non-exclusivity? |
t3_22e78y | relationships | Me [17/m] just got dumped out of nowhere by my [16/f] gf.. I'm sure she'll come back, what should I do? | Friday the 28th was our 6 months. She came over, we cuddled, watched netflix, made out, all those good things. On Wednesday the 2nd she texted me out of nowhere and told me she loved me. I told her back, of course.
Everything was great. I was so happy and she was too, so I thought. The morning of Friday April 4th, if you had asked me, I'd have said that we were both perfectly happy and our relationship was going great.
During the day at school I noticed she was making no effort for conversation, kissing me extremely lightly, and not holding my hand. At the end of the day I asked her if something was wrong and she said that dreaded phrase: "We need to talk."
She said that over the past two months she has been upset over personal things. She stressed multiple times that it wasn't me. She said she wanted a break to take time and sort out personal issues and maybe we could start again later.
She never told me about any of this. Sure, once or twice she told me she was upset and I was supportive and helped her through it, and she was always happy after, telling me how much she loved me etc. She told me that she was the best boyfriend she ever had. And now this? Out of nowhere?
It fucking hurt. It didn't get to me much until I had to delete all the selfies she took on my phone over the past 6 months. She would take about 10 every time we hung out. When I was deleting them is when I got teary eyed. Fuck.
One of her best friends told me that she's the type to come back to me crying and saying she wants me back. I know I probably shouldn't, but I still have feelings for her and haven't completely gotten over her. What if I can't control myself and do take her back. Is that a mistake? What do I tell her? | Broke up with me out of nowhere after 6 months. If she comes back to me, should I take her back? |
t3_2okcji | relationship_advice | [19/m] She [19/f] doesn't enjoy sex due to a 'rough' past, yet will do things like show up in lingerie? | Their girlfriend does not enjoy sex. She'll always be seductive and whatnot to lead up to having sex, she does enjoy fore-play and all, but during actual penetrative sex she'll do nothing but just lay there. Not enthusiastic in the slightest, only wants to do basic missionary after a long time together, etc.
On certain occasions she'll take the lead-up to a new level. Once she showed up at this friends place wearing a trench-coat, under which was nothing but knee-highs+garter-belt. Even will dirty-talk telling them to fuck her, maybe a little enthusiasm through fore-play that pleasures her, but refuses to give him a blow-job/hand-job.
My only theory is that she either just really likes the attention and being desired, and couldn't think of any other way to achieve that but things that are sexually related. However, she was supposedly sexually assaulted while living on campus in the past. Which leads to my second theory, that this is her way of coping as a result of PTSD?
You'd think that this sort of behaviour would indicate a high desire for sex, right? Though when it comes to it, any interest is completely gone. What's the deal? | GF will be supposedly super interested in pursuing sex right up until the point where it's about to happen, every single time. What's the deal? |
t3_30smpj | relationships | I want an open relationship with my gf | I'm not sure if there is a more appropriate subreddit for this, but here goes.
I'm a 17 year old guy with a 16 year old girlfriend of 5 months who I love to bits (let's call her Jane). I feel like I can be myself around her and she makes me feel alive. We're each other's emotional support and I feel so lucky to have her. But sometimes I feel like our relationship is restricting me in some ways. I still miss some aspects of being single, and when girls flirt with me I really want to respond.
Just a few nights ago I was helping out at a school dance for a local girls school (Not the one my gf goes to, but I have ties to it, I go to a guys only school if that seems important) and this girl, who by any persons definition of the word, was amazing. She was good looking, but also confident and charismatic, something I'm especially attracted to, more so than looks. She came up to me and started talking to me, laughing at my jokes, and was clearly interested in me. My feelings for Jane haven't changed, but I feel like it is holding me back from experiencing some things with other people. This isn't the only situation, just the most recent.
Am I just a horny teenager, or am do you think it is worth discussing an open relationship with Jane? I love her so much and don't want to lose her if she feels different, but I feel like it is something I should get off my chest. Also, any tips if I do decide to ask her about this? | I want to discuss the idea of having an open relationship with my girlfriend, whom I love dearly, but don't know if I want it for the right or wrong reasons. |
t3_1lxalp | relationships | Me[19M/F] with my ex [19M/F] relationship was 4 mnths | Hello guys, I just started college, freshman obv, and am trying to get into the dating game. im not going to lie, i am not great at picking up girls and have approach anxiety. Anyways, back to the topic, my high school ex, i have not spoken to her since she broke up with me, this was about a year ago, we had dated for about 4 months. She was actually my first "long-term" girlfriend, so i was really attached. i was so oblivious during the relationship that i didn't realize that she had cheated on me, and she broke up with me because she moved on to another guy. i haven't dated anyone else since then (i know its a long time, but i am not great at picking up girls)
So, here's the twist, she just sent me a sent request on fb. and i have no idea what to do. im thinking of getting back with her and making the best of it, but then again, i still sort of have feelings for her and don't want to be hurt again.
what should i do reddit? | long-term ex form a long time ago, that cheated on me and broke up with me, added me on fb. |
t3_3tzdo7 | relationships | My [28/m] cousin [23/m], addict who stole from my mom, coming to Thanksgiving. How should I deal with this? | My cousin whom I'll call Fred has been struggling with heroin addiction for a few years. A few months ago he came home from a stint in rehab. He got an apartment with some friends, but according to him one was still using and he wanted to get out of that situation. He moved in with his mom (my aunt, mom's sister) but it "wasn't working out" (I'm not clear on details but I have an idea). With nowhere else to go, my mom took him in and let him live rent free while he tried to find a job.
Long story short, Fred stole $400 cash from my mom (who is not wealthy in the least). He denied it. She kicked him out. Fred is now living with his mom.
I've never been close with Fred but he's the type of guy who is usually fun to be around. I would see him at family functions and he'd be relatively clean. good sense of humor, sharp, and polite when we wants to be. I've known him my whole life.
Fred's mom is my mom's sister and they have always been extremely close. My aunt does not blame my mom for kicking out Fred. However, she has decided that she will only go to Thanksgiving if Fred can come. My mom ultimately agreed.
I'm angry with Fred for stealing money from my mom, who was kind enough to take him in, house him and feed him rent free. As far as I'm concerned, I will have nothing to do with him until he cleans up, owns up to his theft, apologizes and makes amends. However, he will be at Thanksgiving, a small affair with less than 10 people. How should I deal with him? I don't want to start shit, but I don't want to be buddy-buddy with him either. | Cousin stole from my mom, cousin will be at Thanksgiving and I want nothing to do with him. What should I do when I see him? |
t3_2s7mbn | relationship_advice | [21/m] How do I break it to her? [18/f] | This is my first time on this subreddit so excuse me if I've posted in the wrong format, but anyways, here goes. Recently I've started seeing a girl [18/f] over my winter break (past month or so) who decided to transfer to my college after her and I started talking since Halloween. (Note: When I first met her she was thinking about transferring to my college already, so it wasn't entirely because of me). So while her and I were in the same town over winter break (since we have the same hometown), we have been spending time together. When I first started hanging out with her, things were great, but after time she started to show her immaturity. Her and I talked about spending New Years together no matter what for weeks beforehand, and then two hours before midnight she decided to not see me and blew me off. I was very hurt and confused. I decided to distance myself for a couple days from her, and when we talked about it she said nothing but "I don't know what to say" and I feel like she never fully apologized. I let it go and we hung out more. Ever since that point I've been noticing things that bother me; I got her a Christmas gift, she didn't get me anything (which is fine, but still), I've taken her out, paid, and she's never said thank you, every time she drinks she turns into a horrible drunk mess, when she hangs out with my friends she makes them feel uncomfortable, and frankly she is just becoming exhausting to hang out with. My problem is she is going to be going to the same college as me and she planned on seeing me in school as well, but I just can't do it. I have never told her that I wanted to be serious with her or anything like that, we have just been seeing each other, but I just don't know what to tell her to explain I don't want to see her anymore without feeling horrible or guilty that I won't see her now that she's moved and transferred to her new school and doesn't know anyone. How do I handle this with grace? | I started dating a girl who decided to move to my college and now that she's here I can't stand her and don't know how to tell her. |
t3_3cwls5 | personalfinance | Troubles with paying rent via a 'friend' of mine (UK) | Hey Reddit , I'm getting in a stress about the situation I am currently in. This is the first year I am paying my rent for my apartment through someone else due to living in a house sharing arrangement. I've known this person and the other person living with us for a year now and as we got on well last year we decided to live together so we found a place and they asked to receive the rent from 1 account instead of 3 so I set up a standing order of £354 to this account on the 29th of every month. Fast forward to our first day of rent (1st of July), I'm in a different country and I receive about 10 hysterical messages saying how my part of the rent hasn't been paid and how they are going to get charged etc. I'm not really savvy with my online banking so I could only access it through my laptop ( Stupid I know , my mistake ) which was currently 3,000km away from me. So to sort out the mild harassment I was receiving I got a friend to directly transfer the money to them. Then they went pretty much quiet on me. When I got back from my holiday (8th July) I checked my bank balance to see that the £354 had been taken from my account ( as suspected) and my friend was also expecting the £354 back to pay his bills. I asked the girl who is paying the rent where my additional payment was and she said she had previously gone into the bank (She didn't give me a clear date on this) and sent the money back.
So now 10 days have elapsed since she should have ideally sent the money back , but it could have been later than that due to a few reasons that I suspect. | living with friends for the first time , paid two lots of rent in one go due to harassment , unsure if/when the second amount will return to me |
t3_1hxzcu | relationship_advice | I (18m) plan on breaking up with my girlfriend (20f) of 2 and a half years as I go to college. How can I do it without being a scumbag? | So I've been dating this girl for 2 1/2 years. She's about to be a junior in college and I'm going to be a freshman. We've been long distance for two years and I'm beginning to feel a bit stir crazy. I don't know how much of a good idea that it is that I have a girlfriend going into college and I do want the whole college experience. The problem is, she went through this ordeal when she was a freshman without an issue. I feel that I couldn't handle it as well as she did, and we'd be going to school six hours away now, rather than two. Also, dating through college becomes more of a long term deal. While she is totally for marrying and spending forever with me, I'm not so sure how successful we'd be. We've had troubles in the past over very small things but we've worked on fixing them. Still, small problems over insignificant things still arise so the idea of being long-term and having actual problems scares me a bit. So, what I'm asking is, would I be making the right choice by breaking up with her? And, if I am, how can I possibly do it without seeming like a scumbag? I do really care about her still. And, also, she is going through a lot of difficult family stuff at the moment so I feel that this would cause all kinds of undue stress. What should I do? | I want to break up with my LDR girlfriend of 2 1/2 years, but I care about her and don't want her to get hurt. |
t3_1wmn8y | relationships | Help! I (M20) sorta fucked up Valentine's Day for my SO (F19) | My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship (I'm in Boston and she is in Arizona) and I just so happen to be visiting her on Valentine's Day. However, I've never been in a relationship or been romantically interest in anyone and completely forgot that it was coming up so soon!
I had told her a month or so back that I was going to try to plan something for her and coordinate with her friend to surprise her. It seemed like a sweet thing to do and a good idea at the time. My course load became massive though, and has been ever since, and I ended up telling her that I wouldn't have time to plan what I thought I was going to and that she could plan something if she wanted (it doesn't sound too good in hindsight).
We were in the phone today and she confessed to me that she was upset when I dumped the duty of valentines day onto her and that she really would have liked me to do it. I became incredibly embarrassed, because of course I should have taken that responsibility, but it just completely slipped my mind. I was getting her something for valentines day, but I really should have been planning her something.
I told her that I was sorry and that I would figure something out. She then told me that she didn't want anything if it was going to be because I felt bad. I got angry because, the way she was putting it, she would be mad no matter what I did and I wasn't even given the opportunity to fix my mistakes. We had a bit of an argument, came to a stalemate, and hung up. She texted me soon after that she was sorry she over reacted.
I'm not mad at her and I never was mad at her, I'm just upset that no matter what I do now, it's going to be bad for her. It's as if valentines day is now a bomb with a timer on it waiting to explode. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should be doing here to make her happy or at least mitigate damages
? | I should have planned Valentine's Dat and opted out. GF will be upset if nothing is planned but will be equally upset if I plan something just because she said something. What's the best thing for me to do here? |
t3_wmhbg | AskReddit | Reddit got any good worlds stupidest criminal stories from personal experience? | We recently had one of our work Utes stolen off a construction site at night, it was a big old thing hard to drive, even harder to drive fast. So no surprise a few kilometers away the ute was found crashed into a telephone pole, now as this was a work ute the tray had a few tool boxes in the back filled with tools that were locked up with padlocks. The police decided to leave it for a few hours to see if the guys would come back to steal the tools, and guess what? they did. Then when the police tried to arrest them they got angry at the cops first calming that it was their ute and then calming that they had had been set up and payed by us to steal our own tools, then when none of that worked they claimed the comps were just "racists out to arrest all the abos". | Got ute stolen, people crashed it then came back to steal tools out of it, cops were waiting arrested the guys who then tried to claim the cops were just racist. |
t3_2wle1c | relationships | Looking for advise on casual hookups with a close friend (21F) | A really good friend of mine (21M) just got back from a semester abroad and we've started sleeping together. We've always have been extremely flirty around each other, and there was always sexual tension between us. I've never had feelings for him before but after sleeping with him, I noticed how much he flirts with everyone else and realized I was getting a little jealous. Which I assume is pretty normal. I've never had a "fuck buddy" before and by no means am I looking for a relationship, so I'm not very familiar with how I should be feeling. Anyway, I started to feel kind of insecure about the whole situation and we stopped hooking up but never really talked about why. I see him everyday due to us having the same friend group and last night he came home with me after a party and I told him how I'd been feeling. He told me that he really loved being my friend and hanging out all the time but he also loved having sex with me, but other than that he had no feelings towards me romantically. He also said that the ball is in my court, and we should come up with some sort of agreement so neither of us gets hurt. I also really like having sex with him too, I just think if I saw him go home with another girl I would be upset by it. But at the same time if he really likes a girl then I don't want to stop him from going after her. I understand communication is definitely key here, I just don't really know what sort of agreement we can come up with.
This might sound like such a petty thing to mull over, but if anyone has been in this situation and can give a girl some advise that would be awesome. | F21 Hooking up with close friend M21, trying to come up with an agreement on hooking up casually and not getting feelings involved. |
t3_2cpmtp | relationships | I (23f) unsure about moving with bf(23m) | We have been together for two years and living together for a year. We are moving again at the end of the month. The problem is the relationship has flaws and I'm worried about getting into a lease and having to live together if we break up.
He has already voiced that we will break up if we get our own places. I want to stay together, but we need to work on the relationship. I feel moving together isn't the best for my sake.
A bigger problem... We have made deposits and only have to sign the lease and pay the rent. Once we do that, we are signed and stuck.
I don't know what to do. I love him and we don't have much time before the move. But what if we can't fix things? | Moving apartments with bf. Scared that I'll be stuck if things don't work, but he'll dump me if we don't move together. |
t3_4kghsh | relationship_advice | My [20/M] girlfriend's [19/F] friend [19/F] has been talking about me behind my back | My girlfriend (Hayley) recently got together with her friends after they all came back from college. On the whole they were excited, however one of them (Allison) made it clear to Hayley that due to me having different political views than her, she didn't like me. Now Hayley and I differ in politics as well, but we honestly don't care. We like each other and aren't gonna let something like that get in the way.
So my girlfriend was upset at Allison's attitude, but we figured she would get over it. Hayley then found out that Allison was talking to their mutual friends about me, and going on about how she doesn't agree with my views. This has gotten my girlfriend very upset lately, and has begun to get on my nerves a bit (I've never met Allison before).
What could/should I do to remedy this? I'm visiting my girlfriend in a few weeks, and although she doesn't want me to see Allison, I can't let this continue. I don't want to start an argument with her but I'm not sure if confronting her would do more bad than good. | Girlfriend's friend disagrees with me politically, and has been voicing her disapproval of me to my gf and other friends. What can I do to calm this? |
t3_2dmj44 | relationships | Me [18 M] with my friend [18 F] She said she liked me then denied it, I really care about her. I don't know what to do. | So one of my best friends, let's call her Sarah, recently told me she has feelings for me, and I let her know that I have feelings for her too. Then, a week later, denied ever having feelings for me beyond being friends.
She had told me (in great detail) of her long string of abusive boyfriends, so I just end up rationalizing in my head that she is just worried that we won't work out. She told me about her last ex who she broke up with because he didn't try hard enough in the relationship, so I tell myself I just need to convince her that I'm the right guy for her.
I've never been in a relationship, and the only kiss I've had was with her during a game of truth or dare about a month before all of this happened. Maybe I just want to be in a relationship, and I don't want to ruin our friendship or date her for the wrong reasons, but I find myself always wanting to spend time with her (which I can't because she's a really busy person) and she's always on my mind.
We recently went to an amusement park together, none of her friends could make it so it was just the two of us. We were there from opening until closing, and she told me twice that it was the best day she's had in a long time. She's leaving for school in a few weeks and it would take me 2 hours to get to her school (I looked up routes on Google maps). I could offer to visit her, but I don't want to seem too clingy. She was really afraid that we couldn't go back to being friends, and I don't want to hurt her so I haven't brought up what she said since, but it's driving me crazy. I've written out a letter, printed, and sealed it in an envelope, which helped get the whole thing off my mind for a couple weeks, but going on like this is driving me up the wall. I don't know what to do. | My best friend told me she had feelings for me, then denied it. I really care about her and want to date her, what should I do? |
t3_us3yg | relationships | Just moved countries, miss home, do I tell my husband? Or will he think I'm unappreciative? | Me: f(21) Him: m(29), been together about 1 and a half years before getting married.
I need some advice on this situation. I just moved countries to marry a man in the US (I'm from Australia). I love him more than anything, but being with him has meant having to leave all my friends and family, leaving university and my part-time job.
So now I'm here. We just got married. I am so happy to get to sleep in the same bed as him every night and wake up to him every morning (being in a long distance relationship for a year has made me value his presence more than anything). The problem is that I can't work just yet due to visa restrictions. He has a good job so is able to support me, which I am SO GRATEFUL for! He really is amazing, but yet I'm unhappy.
I'm incredibly lonely here. I just feel really down all the time and I can't seem to shake it. We'll be sitting watching tv or something and all of a sudden I'll picture my dog and think about how I miss him so much and have to hold myself back from crying. I feel so guilty about this because I don't want him to think that I'm not thankful for him working so hard so that I can live with him. I mean, I'm living the good life, I don't have to work, I should be enjoying having all this free time and that right?
My question is, what should I do about this? He asks me all the time if I'm okay, whether I'm happy with him, and I want to tell him how I feel, I want to tell him that I miss home and I cry a lot, but I'm afraid of the repercussions of doing this.
Any suggestions? | Just moved countries to be with my husband, now I miss home and I'm sad all the time. How do I broach the subject without coming across as unappreciative of the work he does to keep me here. |
t3_1i0xks | relationships | Unclear whether a wedding invite includes a +1 or not. Should I ask? | I [25M] graduated college 2 years ago. One of my really good friends [26M] from my fraternity days is getting married in a couple months; I just got the invite in the mail.
Towards the last year and a half of college, when we were roommates, we had somewhat of a falling out. I was in a relationship with a manipulative woman and I spend most of my time away from my group of buddies. When I was around, I was unknowingly depressed and kind of an asshole to live with.
Over the past 18 months I've really been making an effort to repair the relationships I severed during that time, this being one of them. He and I are on the upswing, although we're nowhere near as close as we used to be. We see each other about 3X a year now.
The wedding invite I received makes no indication that I can bring a guest. I feel like that's a pretty big signal, and that it it's not clear, I'm probably supposed to roll stag. We were in a fraternity, so I thought that maybe all of the members are supposed to come by themselves in an effort to maximize the number of familiar faces and make it somewhat of a reunion, but I just spoke to another guy and his invite was addressed to him and his fiance. My envelope is only addressed to me.
I'm not engaged, so maybe that changes who gets to bring a guest? I'm hesitant to call any other fraternity brothers because I have a feeling not everyone was invited, and I don't want to ask someone what hasn't been.
So should I ask my friend or just assume to go stag? Possibly send him a text to avoid an awkward conversation? What is the best way to handle this situation | Not sure if wedding invite from fraternity brother includes +1 or not. Is it rude to ask? How can I word it? |
t3_37leps | relationships | I [23 F] accidentally called my fiancé [22 M] the name of a celebrity while I was asleep and now I feel bad. | My fiancé and I have been together almost 3 years.
So I just got done with a pretty rough semester and have been being a lazy lazy person. I have been binge watching my favorite web series this week in an unhealthy amount.
So last night I am sleeping like people have to do and my fiancé comes in. He cuddles up to me, being all cute. Now this seems like an innocent situation and it would have been but I was having a dream about this web series at this moment. It was like I was in two world, tuning in to the fiancé and then tuning into the dream.
"Do you love me?" Fiancé cutely asked. I said yes, having been tuned in to him at that moment.
It was then I tuned back to the dream world and may have called him by the name of one of the hosts. So that was my bad. In my defense, their names are similar but it doesn't make it right. Of course I was still sleeping so I found out about this in the morning. At first I thought he was kidding but the memory did come back. I apologized a million times and he said it was ok but I can tell it bothered him.
Anyone else ever called their SO by another name? How did you dig yourself out of that hole? | Called my fiancé the name of an internet celebrity and now I feel awful and want to make it up to him. |
t3_4iyvlv | relationships | My [27M] girlfriend [24F] won't let me help her financially and it's destroying us | I know that probably sounds like an ideal situation to some people, but hear me out.
We've been dating for a bit over 1.5 years. I'm military and was recently assigned to a new base, which she graciously agreed to move to with me. She's having a hard time finding a new job here in her career field.
I'm completely okay with financially supporting us until she finds one, but she is not. We've been getting into huge fights over me refusing to accept rent money from her for the house I bought. She's now saying that she is going to move back home with her parents if she doesn't find a job within the month because she doesn't want tp keep depleting her savings or to be a burden on me. I don't want her to leave and I've tried to explain to her that she is in no way a burden, but she won't have it.
She's been extremely depressed and I can tell her confidence is at an all time low. Shes quit spending any money on herself (no gym, no nails, hair, ect like she used to), she won't go out with our friends, and has sold her LV purse and some other things. I hate seeing her give up things she likes and worked hard for. She cries for hours at a time about how much she hates herself for being "worthless" and that I can't possibly love such a woman.
I try to comfort her and make her feel better and let her know that love has to do with more than that. I'm fine with supporting her, it's not an issue for me at all, but she won't have it. But I don't know how much longer I can handle her letting this affect her so much and holding our relationship back. Does anyone have any idea a way that I can make her feel better and explain to her that temporary unemployment doesn't make her worthless and that I love her regardless? | Girlfriend can't find a new job and won't let me help her, it's severely hurting our relationship, is there some way I can fix this? |
t3_3vv6el | relationships | [28 M] with my GF [26 F] for 4.5 months, started fast and now feeling insecure, how do I get out of my own head? | Ive been with my gf for 4 and half months and we moved fast from the start seeing each other more often than not. Recently she lost her job and has been very stressed and depressed since she's also from out of town and far from friends and family. We talked recently about slowing down and planning date nights so that she can focus on finding a job and getting herself in a better place just from a personal standpoint so that our relationship doesn't suffer.
She's told me multiple times that she wants this relationship to work and that she loves me and appreciates how supportive I've been through everything. My problem is that I've always been pretty insecure and I'm worried that while she's dealing with her personal stuff she'll decide to not want the relationship anymore even though she's told me multiple times thats not the case. I just want to know the best way to not be so insecure and to be confident enough in our relationship that it will make it through a rough patch. | GF going through a hard time and taking a toll on relationship. How do I drop insecurity and keep confidence that when she tells me she loves me and wants it to work she means it? |
t3_37xjsq | relationships | I'm [27 F] with a Fiancé [28M]. I recently came to terms with my Bisexuality last year. I have never been with with a woman and suddenly have strong urges to. Help. | I'm [27 F] with a Fiancé [28M]. We've been dating on and off since we were teenagers, so over 10 years. I came to terms with the fact that I am Bisexual last year after having my first crush on a woman. It was really difficult to go through, and I told my fiancé about it. He was understanding and believes that it's very common for girls to have feelings for other girls. I told him of course, this does not affect our relationship, it's just me recognizing a sexual part of myself I never knew was there.
I have never been with with a woman and now I'm having insanely strong urges to "experiment". I am head over heels in love with my fiancé and I am incredibly happy to be with him. I've never been a girl who has wanted to get married but I'm so excited to have him as my life partner, we compliment each other and have a strong, mutually independent and supportive relationship.
I cannot explain this new sudden urge, and wonder if perhaps it will pass. I don't want to leave my fiancé, I will not cheat, and NO the answer is not to post a craigslist ad about a threesome. I'm craving to know what it's like to be with a woman and possibly have a relationship, not some sexual fantasy. I need to know what psychological issues I will have later in life if I continue to suppress this urge. | Engaged to a man but having strong urges to be with a woman, what psychological issues will I face suppressing the urge?. |
t3_2yowdg | tifu | TIFU by having zero fashion sense. | I'm tall, so finding a shirt like a tunic is almost hard to find when I'm being frugal. Went to a yard sale this past weekend that had tables upon tables of mixed, brand name, clothing for $2. I found this awesome J Crew shirt that would work great with navy leggings. Size 4 on the tag? Even better! Take my money.
I wore it to work today, with my navy leggings and some boots since it's raining all day. A coworker decides to approach me...
"Why are you wearing a pajama top?"
I froze. No way. I mean, yeah it has navy, vertical, stripes, a yellow seam, big white buttons, a pocket.... Oh god, I really am wearing a pajama top! Googled it, confirmed. Whatever, it's comfy. | I wore a pj top to my professional business of work thinking it was a tunic, tag does not say pajama top.. |
t3_246xkh | legaladvice | Parking ticket in collections without my knowledge--need help to reduce/remove impact on my credit score (x-post /r/personalfinance) | I moved to Portland, Oregon from another state about one year ago. I was checking my credit report today and found a mark from a collections agency (Alliance One) for $164. The report says this debt is from Multnomah County Parking, which is the country Portland is in. I did not, to my knowledge, receive any parking tickets while here. I have not received any letters or calls from the state, county, or collections agency, perhaps because I moved to Portland (new address not associated with old registration--very possible they just couldn't find my new address and have been sending things to my old address). The vehicle was registered in another state when the debt went to collections but is now registered in Oregon.
My primary concern is how to get this off of my credit report. I am still in my early 20s so already suffer from a relatively short credit history. I don't need anything extra lowering my credit score. How should I proceed? Should I contact the collections agency, or would it be better to contact Multnomah County Parking directly? Which party is most likely to be able to get this taken off my credit report? I honestly care very little about the money. $164 is a very small price to pay in exchange for repairing my credit score.
I am additionally concerned about the legal implications of having had a parking ticket under my name in collections for months. The "date opened" listed on my credit report is 12/26/13. Is there potentially a warrant associated with this? If the debt isn't able to be validated by the collections agency/credit bureau, should I still be concerned about legal issues from the parking ticket itself? Does an invalidation of the debt equate to a release from legal obligation? | Found out I have had a parking ticket I didn't know about in collections for months because it showed up on my credit report. Don't know how to proceed. |
t3_2wfn7u | relationships | Me [25 M] with my roomate/friend, [25 M]; he's sleeping with my crush, and didn't talk to me/ask me beforehand | So my crush and I were talking for about 3 weeks, but nothing happened... obviously she wasn't into me, and I'm OK with that.
Recently, as a big group, we took a weekend trip together. I saw that my roomate and my crush were kind of hitting it off. I was a little upset, and alcohol was involved, so I just removed myself from the situation. I took an uber back to my place, and passed out. Looking back, it was kind of childish, but I'm kind of glad I wasn't there anymore.
So, last night rolls around, and my roomate gets home, takes a shower, and walks out without saying a word... we usually do just about everything together, so I knew something was up. I texted my other friend, and asked him if they were all at the bar (my roomate included). The friend whom I texted said, yes, everyone was at the bar... and was wondering where I was.
Now I was pretty pissed off -- so I texted my roomate, and basically said, "I don't care that you like this chick, we didn't have much going on between us anyways, but I don't want to be a social pariah just b/c you guys are talking... etc. etc."
He didn't respond!
A couple hours go by, and I hear him bring the girl home... It didn't' bother me too much, but then again, it's only been about 5 days since we stopped talking, so I'm still a little upset.
I'm not really mad at the girl... I mean she didn't like me... there's not much else I can do about that. It is what it is. But I *am pretty* mad at my roomate. He didn't even talk to me about the situation, and he still hasn't talked to me about the situation.
Do I have reason to be upset? | Friend is sleeping with a girl, he knew I liked... He hasn't talked to me about the situation; should I be mad? |
t3_4ek6gb | relationships | [23F] Like a guy [25M] but he just told me he has knowingly hooked up with girls that are currently in relationships | Hey Reddit! Apologies for the long title.
Right now I am interested in a guy who we'll call Allen. We've been flirting for a few weeks and I think I'm starting to really like him. Today, some drama caught up to him that he began to explain to me. The gist of it is that while he was single, he was hooking up with (Not officially dating he says) a girl that was in a relationship at the time. He knew that the girl had a boyfriend and still they hooked up many times and some drama ended up getting back catching up with him recently.
So now this sort of shapes my perspective on Allen differently. Say I was to some day enter a relationship with Allen. Is it wrong to think that if he is willing to do something like this, that he might be willing to cheat on me?
I think it's reasonable to be more cautious and possibly less willing to trust someone who would do something like that. From what I understand, he has never cheated on someone before though.However, my perspective of him now might make me worry. I still really like the guy and I really enjoy all the time we spend together. I still feel a bit uncomfortable now knowing that.
Do you guys think my "fears" are reasonable? Am I reading too much into something that's the past too? What do you guys think? | Really like this guy, but just found out that in the past he has hooked up with the same girl repeatedly that he knew was in a relationship and I'm afraid that he might be less trustworthy if I enter a relationship with him. |
t3_1nxztx | relationships | I [17M] need advice after I destroyed a girl [17M]'s dreams of a relationship in a very bad way. | I apologize in advance if this comes across as petty high school drama but I am in some desperate need of counsel and advice. Over the past year I've become really good friends with a girl (Kate), who I attend school with. We shared many of the same classes and participated in some of the same out-of school activities. Long story short, after a couple months of flirting on and off, we made out at a party in June. I only saw her once over the rest of the summer, and we haven't hung out alone since. It was pretty clear that she was into me, but I wasn't down to start a relationship so nothing happened. She's been obsessed with me ever since the party in June, but I (being inexperienced and naive) have led her on in the sense that I've kept on texting her and never told her that we should just stay friends. Everything stayed the same until these past few weeks. I had been trying to think of a way to make it clear that we should just stay friends, but I neglected to do so for no particular reason. This was a stupid mistake.
Long story short, I started talking to another girl recently, and ended up making out with her this past weekend (on Saturday). Yesterday (Sunday, the day after) , stupid, impulsive me decided it would be a good idea to finally tell Kate (via text, yes text) that we should just stay friends and not pursue a relationship. She was pissed off, and from what I understood cried a lot. Today she found out about me and the other girl, and plunged into even deeper sadness and anger towards me.
What I'm ultimately asking is how I should handle this situation from this point forward. I realize that I handled the situation in one of the worst ways possible, and want to know how I can try to patch the damage. Completely ignoring her is not an option. Should I let the situation simmer down before I talk to her in person about it? or should I be prompt and talk to her right away? Any advice, absolutely anything at all is greatly appreciated. | Led on a girl, let her know in a douchey way that we should just be friends, she thinks I'm a dick now. |
t3_mmcl1 | AskReddit | Has anyone ever gotten "tooth reshaping?" | I'm clearly not looking for karma or upvotes or anything here but my front tooth is a little longer and appears to be slanted from the rest and it makes my whole smile look uneven. I looked into it and it seems that I can get something called "tooth reshaping/sculpting," which is a quick procedure that allows the dentist to file off some of the tooth and I guess make it looks normal? Has anyone gotten this procedure? How long did it take? Did it hurt? How much did it cost? What did you get fixed? Any insight into this topic would definitely help. | If you had a tooth/teeth reshaped, please describe the cost, process, why you had it done, etc. |
t3_1eoisc | relationships | My (m23) girlfriend (f19) constantly complains that I'm not affectionate enough, when I know that I am. | My girlfriend and I have been together roughly 6 months. Lately she constantly complains that I'm not affectionate enough towards her, which always leads to us arguing. At first I accepted that maybe I could up the affection a little, and have continued to do so, to a ridiculous level, but apparently it's still not enough, and she gets very nasty and bitchy when I **apparently** don't deliver. I know for a fact that I'm being affectionate. I'm always telling her I love her (multiple times a day - in person, through text, on the phone), touching her, hugging her, kissing her, complimenting her. It's gotten to the point where I feel stupid and immature for saying it so much, but go along with it because it's what she wants. I don't think it's possible to be anymore affectionate, and I feel like there's something else at play here - possibly trust issues she has from a previous relationship or something, but I feel like when I tell her that I love her, she just won't believe me. How do I tackle this one Reddit?
I'm really not sure where to go with this one, or even what specific advice to ask for, but you guys have helped me in the past and I value your insight. | Girlfriend say's I'm not affectionate enough. Upped the affection level to some 14-year-old-omgz-ily-4eva-facebook type shit. Still apparently not enough. What do? |
t3_1upv7q | relationships | Me [21F] with my SO [25M]of ~6months, feel selfish spending time with him that he could be spending with his friends | Everything has been going great and we are so happy together…however for a while it's felt like we've been running low on ideas of things to do. The issue seems simple enough, yet we're having a hard time overcoming it.
We have fallen quickly into the habit of just chilling out at home together most of the time…and both need a bit more stimulation I suppose is the best way to put it.
Another issue comes into play with regards to this; a lot of the time, we'll just be chilling out and his friends will ask if he wants to do something. He always asks me if I want to go with him to meet up with his friends, and sometimes I do…but sometimes I don't. It feels like it's a trick question though, see I feel like if I say I don't want to hang out with his friends, and I do just want 'us time' I need to have something lined up for us to do. I think that there is a degree of reasonableness in that however, as his free time is limited.
We have talked about this, but are both at a bit of a loss. I'm quite a solitary person and so a lot of the activities I do I can't really include him in; the same goes for him to an extent. It's not like we need to be constantly doing new things, we just need a bit more variation. I'm starting to feel pretty bad about myself now though, not because of anything he's doing, but because I'm finding it so hard to think of things and I feel like I don't have anything to offer.
I'd really appreciate some input, whether it's suggestions on some things to do, or just some other perspectives. | My SO has limited free time outside of work and so I want to make the time we spend together more 'valuable' …would love some suggestions on things we can do together and/or any advice on the situation. |
t3_40osq7 | relationships | Is the 'grass is greener' mentality really a bad thing? | I am a 29 F married to 33 M with no kids. We have been together since I was 14. It probably helps to know I'm an introvert so I don't open up easily or meet new people easily.
It's a cliché I know but I have found myself falling for my married coworker. While I would love for that to work out, I am aware that it is a stupid fantasy. What concerns me is how he has made me feel and how I haven't felt something like that for years and how much I have missed it.
I have not been attracted to my husband physically or sexually for a long time. He has gained a lot of weight to be fair and I've always felt that we are just really good roommates. I make about 3x more than him and hate his lack of professional drive. He also cares WAY too much about video games.
I have read many Reddit posts about how I have the grass is greener mentality and I should stop. But.. why is that so bad? The grass COULD be greener. Is it really so silly and such a bad thing to want more? Don't I deserve to have passion in my life? Is it so bad to leave a happy life for the hope of something better? | I married my first boyfriend and feel like I settled. Is it ok to want to leave even though we are happy? |
t3_396du2 | relationships | I'm [19/F] confused about my friend, I guess? [20/M] | We've been friends for a few years but he's like my best friend. We started being a friends with benefit kind of thing back in February.
He said that he liked me but he didn't really want to be in a relationship with me, which I was cool with, ultimately.
We're still really close and we don't have sex as often anymore, but we hang out all the time and now he's started telling me he loves me and stuff.
He says he loves me at the most random time and I always get anxious and never say it back because I don't know what he means, like does he mean it as a friend or does he mean he's IN love with me?
What do you all think? | Said he wanted to be friends a few months ago and now is telling me he loves me regularly. Opinions? |
t3_22fxjd | relationships | Me [25/F] with my BF [26/M] 7 years - What do you expect from an SO? | Hey reddit, I'm on mobile so I'll keep this short. Please excuse any typos.
I've been with my bf since I was 18 - we've been through a lot together, mostly he has grown. When we started dating he had nothing going for him, so I sort of "fixed" him. I helped him get going in terms of school, work, and general life shit. I have poured so much energy into him, I now look back and realize I should have been pouring that energy into myself.
The problem is, I've enabled him. He never became totally self sufficient as I had hoped he would. Instead he has become more and more dependent on me for guidance and reassurance. I've made myself a baby.
I don't know what to do. He loves me hopelessly, and a year ago I would have said I couldn't imagine my life without him. The idea of not having him in my life would reduce me to years. I still feel this way a bit. If I ended things and never saw him again... Well, just thinking about that is enough to make me not want to do it. I'm not ready to hurt him or say goodbye forever. But sometimes I wonder if I am wasting his time and my time by remaining together. I also fear that maybe things are not as bad as I think they are, and he is a much better bf than most other guys. I haven't dated since high school, so I don't have a realistic expectation of what a boyfriend (or girlfriend) is supposed to be to their partner.
I'm curious to hear what reddit expects from an SO. Emotionally, financially, physically. How do you know if what you've got is good or bad? I think I'm too immersed in my relationship to evaluate it fairly, I'm hoping to gain some outside perspective on what is reasonable to expect from a partner. | what do you expect out of a relationship? I feel like mine is lacking, maybe it's a case of "too good to leave, too bad to stay. " I don't know anymore. |
t3_1e45q2 | BreakUps | How do I comfort my friend [F19] from afar, whose boyfriend [M 20] will be leaving her in a month after more than two years together? | The context: My best friend and her boyfriend have been together for more than two years. They go to the same college a couple states away from where I go to college.
I got a text message this morning that simply said "Help." and nothing. But I slept through it until 1:00PM and when I was finally on the phone she told me what happened.
Her boyfriend told her a while back off-hand that he had been thinking about applying to other schools, but then dismissed the idea. Then today he told her that he had been accepted to another college a few miles away and will be leaving in three weeks. I said to her that other people do in fact have long distance relationships, but she just said flat out no. She said it was too much of a struggle and she did not want to do it. I just told her I was so sorry suddenly she perked up and was "really glad to hear you say nice things!" She had to go to a class or something so the call ended not long after that.
I've always been able to give great sex advice and relationship advice to to my friends, including her. But I am at a loss as to what to do here. I realize I can't make her not feel hurt and sad here. She's going to be very hurt no matter what. And I can't give her a big bear hug like I would if I were not two states away. My longest relationship was nine months and it ended when she cheated. Nobody was around to help me or do anything, but I never really talked about it either. So I'm not sure how to start talking about loss of a love that lasted for more than two years. but I want to do as much as humanly possible for her!!
So what can I do for my friend from afar? What would you want your best friend to do from afar? | What's the most I can do for my friend who lives far away and being left by her boyfriend of two years? |
t3_2qdo8c | tifu | Tifu by thinking a man with Parkinson's disease was trying to dry hump my wife. | This was literally 20 minutes ago at the local Denny's. As we were walking in to sign our names it was fairly packed being Christmas day. A young couple is walking out the same time we were walking in. I notice the man staring intently at my wife while moving his hips back and forth vigorously. Normally I do not care when someone makes a look or even a pass at her because what am i going to do about it start an unnecessary fight? But today it really pissed me off and as he slides past me I stare him down under my breath saying back the fuck off buddy. He and whoever he was with quickly leave the restaurant and I see who I assume is his girlfriend glaring at me.
Later as we are driving home I tell my wife about how I could not believe that guy from earlier. Not understanding who i was talking about I go into full detail describing what he looked like. She looks at me and says "That Guy wasn't trying to hump me! He had severe Parkinson's disease! Did you not see his entire body trembling? You Asshole." | Thought man was trying hump wife. Gave him the bro stare down and said to back the fuck off. Realized he has Parkinson's. |
t3_1l7wb2 | travel | "Guide Exchange" type setup | When I travel, I do a LOT of research and pretty much have a general idea of where to go/what to do, if not a full on itinerary. The thing that gets me is that it still doesn't feel right when I get to a place. I just always think that it's a good idea to have someone kind of direct me on how to buy train tickets/order food (especially in a different language) or take me around just to start things off. Subreddit meetups are usually nice but you're at the mercy of their schedule.
Is anybody else interested in having a listing, or know of a site, sort of like [couchsurfing] but for individuals willing to spend some time with tourists in their city just to "hangout" (a few hours/whole day) without expecting any monetary compensation? Maybe a drink or a smoke at the end of the day would be nice but not necessary. Just the thought that when you visit the other person's city, it can be repaid. The "guide" could go with the guest's set itinerary or have something planned. I may not know everything in my city, but, I'm almost certain I can find it faster than you. | Though fun, riding public transportation and ordering food in a foreign language is intimidating! Also, eliminate the "What's there to do in ____ " posts. |
t3_1grsr1 | relationships | My Fiancee [21/F] wants to have a MMF threesome. I [22/M] am hurt and don't understand the fantasy. | We've been together 7 months.
I can understand the appeal of "two ~~chicks~~ dudes at the same time, man". Having two hot chicks do sexy things to me would be a memorable experience to be sure! However, I see it as something one does while single where the chance of confused feelings/someone getting deeply hurt is minimal/nonexistent. She's brought it up twice over the course of our relationship and both times I've voiced being uncomfortable/hurt about it.
I want my fiancee to feel fulfilled sexually but I also do not want to feel inadequate. Is it wrong to feel inadequate about this? She says that it's not that my sexual attentions are insufficient, but that having two people focusing their sexual attention on her would be a more intense experience. I have trouble coming to grips with that. How are my attentions not insufficient if there is a more intense experience available? I don't think I could look at my fiancee giving another guy's dick attention and not be immensely hurt by the experience.
Could someone please explain to me the mentality behind the fantasy? I want to understand her perspective. | Fiancee wants two dudes at the same time. I'm confused and hurt by the idea of it. Wat do? |
t3_524gga | relationships | Successful relationships in which both partners have a (different) mental illness | Hello all, thanks for clicking!
I'm really just looking for a sense of community, since my google searches haven't yielded much.
Basically, both I (f/21) and my partner (m/22) have a mental illness, but not the same one. I have depression and am on my way out of a bout; he has ADHD-C, and has been on medication successfully for a long time. We have been together for 2.5 years, and are going strong.
I'm wondering if any of you out there are in similar situations (though not necessarily the same illnesses), and if so, if you have any tips about how you made your relationships work, or any funny stories. In my case, I only just realized that this particular bout of depression may have quietly crept in about 3 years ago (so, a bit before my relationship started), though the effects have only just begun to fully manifest. I'm in therapy and getting better, but something I've encountered that never occurred to me (though according to my therapist it apparently happens a lot?) is that it's taking a toll on the relationship. We are both dedicated to each other and our life together and determined to grow from this, so that's a happy note. But it hasn't been, and likely won't be easy. | anyone in a happy relationship in which both partners have a different mental illness, any tricks of the trade or anecdotes to share? |
t3_2rgapu | loseit | NSV - Wore a bikini with no shorts, first time ever. | Up until around 3 or 4 years ago (when I was around 20 years) I wore complete swimsuits, even to the beach. Then I started wearing bikini top and men's surf swimshorts (had lots of trouble finding ones that fit).
About a month ago I went to buy a new bikini top, and the sales lady offered me the bottom to try on. I tried it, and found to my surprise, it fit pretty well. I still didn't think I'd wear it straight away, but still bought it, thinking "I'll feel comfortable enough some day, I'll wear it then." Also bought some smaller girl shorts to wear to the pool. Two weeks later, first pool day in the summer (southern hemisphere :D), company day out: I took my new bikini and my shorts, but them all on and went about like that, when it was pool time... I just took the shorts off and got in the pool. IT FELT AWESOME.
The best part was I didn't put them on immediately after, I sunbathed for a while like that, and even got a few, totally appropriate and friendly, nice comments about it. | I'm now confident enough to use a bikini in public for the first time in my life, and it feels INCREDIBLE :') |
t3_3d11bt | Pets | 90-100lb Chesapeake outdoor/ often gagging and coughing and spits up fluid when the episode calms down | She's an outdoor dog and she stays outside unless it's super super hot or super cold, and that's mostly because she doesnt like in inside she throws fits and misbehaves after a few minutes of being indoors. She's like the dog version of an ADHD delinquent kid, but she is a very good listener I know he fondness of me is unconditional and she often poses near me in a protective manner. Luckily I am able to spend a lot of time outdoors with her aswell as her "siblings" one yellow lab and one pitbull. All three get along but only in pairs of two all three together and weird things happening dominance fights and equality disputes.
All of my dogs eat both live prey and regular dog food, they eat culled livestock as I think that's a better option than letting them go to waste and they eat whatever wild animals they manage to catch. All have their proper shots too. All dogs are also free roamers but throughout the day I rotate the pitbull in and out of a spacious and shaded fences area with beds, shelter, food and water. When I let her out the yellow lab goes into a fenced patio area as I can trust her to not ruin anything. There is a large structure that remains open for them to come and go from as they please with bedding food and water.
I go into detail about their lives incase it might help with a possible diagnosis, at first when my Chesepeak started the gagging I thought she ate some live prey too fast as I can never tell if she's eating or not because she can be seen carrying a carcass of some sort almost all day. But now it's appearent to me that this is some kind of illness, she has episodes that will last up to 30 seconds or so and when the episode is over she produces a mucus-like clear fluid. It starts off sounding dry and then starts to sound crackly like fluid. I can't remember when it started but it's been long enough so that if this was something deadly and progressive it would already have taken a toll. She is otherwise healthy, all her energy is still there, just as playful as always. | chese is healthy but a longstanding and persistent nasty sounding productive gagging, lives outdoors with two siblings, eats live prey and dog food. |
t3_1ub04c | relationships | My [24 M] almost girlfriend [26F] has been sleeping with at least 6 other people during our relationship and I'm wondering if it bothers me too much | Hi everybody...
I've been seeing this girl for a few months and things were going great. We were having fun, having the same interests, held hands, kissed, had sex many times and I even fixed her iPhone while she slept.
She then out of the blue told me she was leaving for a few weeks to some asian country with one of her old friends. They have then been there for a while, and someone posted to facebook on her wall from her account a lot of chatlogs with random people asking her for pictures and her giving them. At least 5 guys.
Thing is, I've bought an expensive trip to go dive in an exotic country for the two of us, and now I don't really wanna go with her... Or should I go and just keep her as a fuck-buddy? don't know if I can do that, I care about her, and even presented her as my girlfriend at work. Also told my friends and my parents I've started seeing her, but not as a girlfriend yet.
Should I just let her go, or should I keep seeing her and take her diving?
please advice. | girl has been riding the cock-carusel behind my back, i've bought an expensive trip for us. wat do. |
t3_32e3gl | tifu | TIFU by hiding in the shower during hide and seem | I'm way too old to be playing this but fuck me if it isn't kinda fun. Basically I hid in the shower at a friends house, perfect spot right? I'm sitting there in the shower as a person walks in and closes the door. "It's him! He's trying to trick me!" Nope. His mom (who is kinda hot tbh) coming to take a shit. She does just that. I'm sitting so still that she never even heard me breath in a completely silent room. My heart, racing. She's grunting and I hear drops and farts into the toilet. She finishes and flushes the toilet, washes her hands, then leaves. My friends run in the room and see me, they are balling laughing, including the mother. My face was so white my lips didn't have color.
I'm not going there for another year. | Played hide and seek and hid in the shower. His mom went to take a shit inches from me in the bathroom, then they laughed at me. |
t3_1zegi7 | relationships | I [29F] can't help having feelings for my best friend [19 M] | Me and my best friend talk every day. He's one of the most amazing, caring, fun-loving guys I've known throughout my life. We both have the same interests, we're both on the same page in terms of where we're headed, there is nobody that makes me happier than he makes me feel.
Obviously he's younger than me, but the truth in all honesty is, it doesn't bother me because we both have similar mentalities. We both seem to be on the same wavelength when it comes to things and we understand each other completely.
I've been there for him when he's needed a friend and he's been there for me. He knows how to make me laugh and smile. We're completely honest and upfront and his friends are simply amazing too.
Even though I know that we make such amazing friends I would hate to ruin anything, I know that a life without him would be a horrible experience. I also know that life before him was in no way as amazing as it is now, and I'm lucky to have him make me smile on a daily basis.
Though we may have reached the "friend zone" I realise that there are lots of people who still frown against age difference, and I'm just wondering whether there are situations where this is actually okay, and if I ever wanted to pursue anything that I wouldn't be doing a terrible thing. I care about him from the bottom of my heart, so really I just want the best for him, but to lose him would kill me.
Is age difference really such a bad thing? What is it that makes age difference such an important factor? What if you're on the same page and want the same things? | I really like my best friend despite being older than him by 10 years but I can really see it working and wanna know why age difference is so much of a big deal? |
t3_3mg1dj | tifu | TIFU Talking to a nurse | So a couple of months ago I had spinal surgery to replace a couple of discs that I fractured (no idea how). So a bit of back story is that post surgery I stayed in the hospital and they had this schedule to help the muscles in my back begin to heal they would role me on 3 different sides every 2 hours (left, back, right). The first 2 nights I barley got any sleep from my back being so sore. So the 3rd night I was finally sleeping well. But like usual the nurse came to roll me on my back. Normally they just come in a help me roll over, take some vitals, then leave. But this time the nurse decided to start talking to me about some things I was going to do for the next few days (keep in mind she came at like 2-3am and i was finally getting some good sleep.) So during her long talk I just hit my pain pump to try and go to sleep while she was talking. Apparently I began to speak my mind out loud. So in the middle of her explanation I said "oh my god will you please just shut the fuck up!". My mother just turns and starts laughing and the nurse looks horrified and to make it better I was in the Pediatric ward since I was 16 and I guess I was loud enough for the nurse station to hear me and probably woke up some kids. | I was loopy on pain meds, was getting good sleep and being annoyed by the nurse and spoke my mind out loud and pissed of some parents and nurses most likely. |
t3_nhv9c | AskReddit | Stolen laptop returned with some very *personal* info on the harddrive of the perp. What is my (a)moral obligation to this data? | A friend's laptop was stolen well over a year ago, and had long given up it would be found and has since bought a new computer. Out of the blue, got a call from the police that it was recovered! But they wouldn't say who it was, or if he would be charged.
So we start looking around to see what's on it, and, SCORE! Found regular ol' pics of the guy w/ his GF. We're thinking, "shouldn't be too hard to figure out their identities, somebody will know them."
We keep looking, and go to the next folder. Boom goes the dynamite. Some homemade porn movies of the same couple. (Cops must have not looked what was on it, or didn't care.)
Since then, we've been able to figure out their identities. What should be done with this material? | Stolen laptop recovered over a year later, with porn videos of perp and girlfriend on harddrive. What would YOU do??? |
t3_3hdf7w | personalfinance | Moving company will be weeks late with a lot of our stuff, are we entitled to compensation? | Moved cross-country (CA to FL) with large national trucking company (and their local affiliates at both ends).
Goods take 2-3 weeks to arrive and are delivered on schedule! However, it wasn't our stuff. There was a mixup in CA and about 75% of our stuff never made it onto the truck, someone else's did instead. Basically, they put your boxes/furniture in big wooden crates, and in this case they mislabeled the crates.
So we got very little of our stuff on time (as per the contract) and they've yet to tell us how long it will take to get the rest out here, but I'm guessing 2 weeks at the earliest.
Because of this, we've had to buy a lot of things we already own, kitchen materials, clothes, a.k.a. things you need to survive (we didn't just rush out and buy furniture, we still have no couch, etc.)
[here] is the relevant portion of the contract concerning insurance / lost / damages. (Obviously this is not the complete terms and conditions).
This doesn't directly address delays such as ours. We're not out more than a few hundred dollars, but it seems ridiculous to pay a company nearly 5k to move stuff and they do something so negligent as leave it in CA for weeks while it is supposed to be on the way to FL.
Thanks, and let me know if I should crosspost this elsewhere. | Moved, 75% of our stuff will arrive 2-4 weeks after the agreed date because of (gross) negligence by movers. We're out a few hundred in out-of-pocket expenses. |
t3_49sfcf | relationships | Me 31F with 40F coworker 6 years I tried to give her a car and it ruined our friendship | This all started when me and my SO moved in together and realized we didn't need two of every vehicle. Being that I made most of the repairs on his car he let me decide who it went too upon mutual approval (my car being newer and more maintained) . I chose a co-worker who I know has to take 2 busses into work every morning and supports a non working spouse thinking that they would be grateful and prompt.
I was wrong and they dragged their feet getting proper paperwork and never even bothered to go and check on the car after taking ownership of keys. I had left it in front of a friend's house but still on the street in a residential parking area. The day they said they would pick it up I informed my friend and he stopped watching it, but they never picked it up. After 13 days and 3 weekends they finally went to move it and it had been stolen and at which point they called us and we all filed a police report together.
The next day on day 14 she emails me that she is sending the title and keys back and I should buy a new title because the old one is ruined since it's signed over to her and should they recover the car she would take it then and can we cancel the release of "sale" (it was a gift) because she isn't going to register it in her name now. I am so upset and feel horrible now because I convinced my SO to give her a car and she fell thru and could now cost us a lot of money if we cancel the sale and it turns out impounded . My SO being a good guy wants to cancel the sale once keys are recovered (they mailed them but somehow haven't arrived yet) to stop fees accuring since it is past the 15 day mark. But I feel horribly betrayed and feel she should pay for her negligence. I told my SO I will take responsibility for whatever choice he makes because I did give him Ill advice concerning something in his name. Am I over reacting? Should we just cancel the sale and write the person off? Or leave it and let them pay for not doing their part in a timely matter? | I subsequently ruined a friendship trying to be nice. I also feel like a put my SO in a bad spot, though they are being supportive. |
t3_1xkgw8 | running | Getting back into running but confused and discouraged, and in pain. Can changing form help me? | I was a cross country runner in high school (about ten years ago) and stayed fit through college and grad school etc. About two years ago I had back surgery which put me into the habit of doing all of my cardio on the elliptical at my local gym. While a runner I suffered from shin splints from the get go, ever since those glorious days of junior high track. shudder.
Two weeks ago I decided to get back into real running (i.e. not on an elliptical) so I pumped myself up with a C25K program and app. I've completed the first week and *bam* the shin splints are back full force. I've taken the rest days and even added in more so I don't understand how I can have an over-use injury after 3 easy runs.
I ran to the internet and discovered an overwhelming amount of information about running form. For every video on Chi there was one for barefoot, Pose, how to run like an olympian, and then the one guy who says just run however the hell you feel like. Feeling confused and overwhelmed I iced my shins and watched some cat videos. Kitties have awesome running form.
Chi looks the most interesting to me because of the whole "injury-free running" claim. I did film myself to analyze my form, the video didn't come out great but from what I can tell this is what I'm doing: head, torso upright facing forward with relaxed shoulders. Arms are crossing in front of my body but are relaxed with an approx 90 deg bend. Good ol' potato chip fingers. My hips look like they are getting good extension, but I'm not exactly sure what that is supposed to look like. Foot-strike is midfoot to ball and I'm landing in front of the center of my mass. Is any of this "bad form"? Are there drills or techniques that can help my form? Is cadence a thing a newb 5k-er should worry about? Can changing my form get rid of my shin splints? | No significant running for years, after three days shin splints. Can changing my form get rid of my shin splints? |
t3_18ltzz | relationships | Why do I (34f) feel like something is missing (42m)? | I (34f) have an amazing boyfriend (42m) who I love and he loves me. We've been together 1 year.
My biggest issue is that he's a very private person. If he decides he doesn't want to talk about something, he won't discuss it at all. I'm not referring to relationship issues or problems between us at all. He's open to discussing things any time I'm sad or upset. It's really just personal stuff of his that he doesn't want to talk about.
The other part of the problem is that I'm a very open person. I want to talk about everything and how I feel about it. It's a big way that I feel connected to someone when I can bare my soul and feel like they've bared their soul.
For example, he has a high stress job, and at the end of a hard day, he wants to leave work at work and not talk about it. The trouble is that every day is a hard day. And he never wants to talk about it. And I feel like I can't ask about it. So I never get that feeling of connection that I need.
There are other examples, but this one is the easiest to explain.
I don't want to force him to talk about anything he doesn't want to talk about, but I do want to feel that sense of connection. How can I respect his wish to keep private things private but get the connection I need?
Why when everything else is so perfect do I keep coming back to this one piece that's missing? Why can't I love him for who he is and not try to change him? | I (34f) have an amazing boyfriend (42m). We have an impasse in communication styles. How do I respect and love who he is without sacrificing what I need? |
t3_nkwpk | AskReddit | Is it okay for an ex girlfriend to give you information that could potentially make you want her back? | So i was chatting with my ex GF tonight, not a rarity, me and her often talk since we're good friends now. But tonight she told me that her breasts had grown two sizes since i we had broken up (C's to DD's). As you can expect, i was a little bummed that i am missing out on her now, but i just told myself that it doesn't matter, they are just boobs. But i quickly realized, she was actually taunting me with her boobs! I am a very week and feeble minded guy, and i would have no trouble starting to want her back again. And i told her this too. I straight up told her that if she does continue this, i will want her back, and it won't be good. And her response was "btw, youre my friend, any attraction i had for you is gone". Which as you can guess means, if i want her back, i'm going to have to suck it up and move on AGAIN, because i have no hope of getting her back.
At this point i say that this has gone past her messing with me, its no plain unfair to me that she doesn't grasp just how easy it would be to make me go insane with jealousy. My question to you fine men and women and what have you at reddit, is:
Is it fair to me, for my ex to continue to taunt me like this? | My ex keeps feeding me info about how attractive she is now since we broke up, and i fear i may want her back, and she doesn't want me back |
t3_14xajt | dating_advice | [20/M] Mixed Messages from a Girl [21/F] I Met Online | A few months ago I met a girl on OKC and we became friends on Facebook. We hit it off fairly well I think and IMed for a bit, each time for several hours. A week ago I asked her if she wanted to hang out over the weekend and she said yes.
While talking about what we wanted to do she asked if I was intending this to be a date or a platonic hang-out. I said either is fine and she said "lol I only ask because my mom told me to tell every boy that takes me out of the house that I'm dating other people." I said that was fine and we continued to make plans. We set a time, planned to get dinner, and she gave me her address and number. We wound up chatting for a couple of hours after that until I had to leave.
An hour or so later she messaged me and said she had to cancel because she just found out her dad was working that day and she had to watch her mother (who has MS). She seemed genuinely apologetic and said "I'm sorry. I hope you don't mind rescheduling. :(" Of course, I said that'd be fine. I messaged her a couple of days later and asked if she wanted to see The Hobbit. She said yeah, seemed excited, and said she'd ask her parents.
The problem is that she never got back to me. I'm afraid to message her again because I don't want to seem clingy or pushy. I'm not quite sure if this was a way of letting me down easy. She does seem to have a habit of dropping off the face of the internet for a few days. | Asked out a girl I met online. Made plans, she cancelled, we agreed on rescheduling, haven't heard back from her. I think she's genuinely interested, but I could be wrong. |
t3_2obpx6 | tifu | TIFU by using Dr. Google | Yesterday, after I had my dinner, my toe started to hurt out of the blue. Not the *Mother F***! I stubbed my toe kind*, a real throbbing kind of pain. It wasn't too painful but I could tell this wasn't normal, so I fired up the inter-webs and went on webMD. The major cause for toe pain is an ingrown toe nail. My toe nail had been broken a long time ago, so the nail had grown back a bit weird. I decided I perfectly fit the symptoms and proceeded to clip off the offending piece of nail using a Swiss knife and some nail cutters (In hind sight this could have led to a rather different TIFU).
I started burying into the walls of my nail, and I eventually cleared the side and reached the base. The base of the nail was where it hurt the most so I thought this is the part that needs to go. I burrowed in deeper and tugged out a small piece of the base of the nail. Here's when the real pain started.
Holy Hell, did it hurt. I have an extremely high pain tolerance but this was bad. I wanted to chop my fuckin toe off. The toe had proceeded to swell up like a balloon at a 5 year old's party. With every pulse I could feel it throb.
Turns out it was just a swelling and my impromptu surgery had managed to aggravate it. I proceeded to take some prescription painkillers I had at home (thank god) and waited for them to kick in. Doesn't hurt as much today morning, but I'm not sure if its the painkillers or if the swelling really has gone down. | Toe hurt a lot, looked up on the internet for a solution, performed redneck surgery, aggrevated a relatively simple condition. |
t3_29nr14 | Pets | 7 hour car ride with a cat - tips? | Hi all, next month I am moving to a new apartment in D.C. for school. I am taking my two-year old cat with me. It's 7 hours away from where I live (Western NY) and I'll be driving solo - just me and the cat.
I just got her a new carrier. I wanted to get it early so she could explore it if she wants. She isn't a fussy kitty and only meows when she wants my attention for something (pets, tummy rubs, etc). I plan on having her carrier facing me in the passenger seat so she could always see that I'm there.
Should I plan on having a litter box handy in case she needs to do her business? If so I'd have to get a harness but I'd like to avoid removing her from the carrier until we get to the apartment if possible. She can be very skittish and has a tendency to hide so if she were to get away from me I would be devastated. I don't plan on stopping for anything except gas, but if I really had to take a bathroom break, should I bring her carrier inside with me? I don't know if the sights and sounds of a public restroom would overwhelm her more than necessary. Or do I park in the shade, leave the windows wide open, and try to make it really quick? It will be August, so very hot, and I know leaving pets in cars can be dangerous. (I've never travelled with a cat before so forgive the stupid question if it is such.) | Do I need litter box for 7 hour car ride, what do I do if I have to stop for the bathroom (I'm a girl so don't say 'pee in a bottle'), any other tips you may have? |
t3_2rqcmg | relationships | I [31M] can't disagree with my LT GF [30F] of 2 years without being insulted or put down. | Hi... I'm having a problem in ways I communicate with my girlfriend (the problem has always been there but it seems to be escalating lately).
Namely, she seems to take every disagreement as an attack, whenever I hold a different opinion (religion, politics, whatever...) she gets really argumentative and accuses me of being "rigid" and closed-minded (stupid and other insults appear sometimes) if she fails to convince me. Often, I back down because I'm very conflict averse.
However, even "agree to disagree" is a huge problem for her, she sees no value in "peace" just in "understanding" (it usually means just agreeing with her). Often, she's has problem with mild agreement or indifference, it seems I must agree with her attitudes in intensity as well. (liking/disliking some types of media, hell not caring if someone likes/dislikes a certain type of media)... I need to like or dislike things as much as she does.
This is becoming a serious problem for me, as I'm pretty laid back, live and let live person. Hell I mostly use "I statements" when I voice disagreements and she interprets that as "making it all about me".
Lately, I began fearing we're not just as compatible as I thought we were when we met (similar interests, different intensities).
From my perspective, she's the rigid and inflexible one... and I had no problem telling her that in the beginning of our relationship. Lately however I'm not even bringing up the topics I fear would cause disagreement. I'm being an absolute doormat and I hate it.
I would really like some advice on how to resolve the issue.
Thanks in advance. | My GF accuses me of being rigid/stupid/closed-minded whenever I disagree with her. How do I talk to her? |
t3_3x0tee | tifu | TIFU by using an alarm clock | I set my alarm for 5, two hours before my parents actually wake me up, and I usually click the snooze or the actual off button. However for some reason I woke up holding the alarm going off so loud my ears rebelled in pain. So I just thought, SHIT, my heart was beating so fast. I decided to just turn it off. BUT I FUCKING FORGOT HOW TO. I remembered how to press snooze, but when I pressed snooze the music was still going(at max volume btw). I remembered I could muffle it, so I laid on top of it, still loud as fuck. Then it hit me, lower the fucking volume, so I went to go lower the volume and the button wasn't fucking there.MOTHA FUCKA!!! My eyes actually adjusted and I see its fucking flipped over, I turn it around and I finally find the volume button. Then, after lowering the volume and letting my heart cool down, I notice the alarm didn't go off, someone clicked the button to turn on the radio. WTF!!! Whatever I couldn't be bothered so, I'm awake at that point and I just turn the volume back up for tomorrow(the radio was off) I grab my iPad and start watching shit on YouTube. About an hour later the alarm goes off, what happened was when I was beating the shit out of my alarm clock, I accidentally turned on the second alarm. I just thought to myself. MOTHA FUCKA | accidentally turned on my radio on my alarm clock and thought it was the alarm going off; almost destroyed my clock, and my parents morning |
t3_2c6u4i | offmychest | I feel like a monster for not being able to be happy for my boyfriend. (x-post from /r/relationships) | So I am a 22-year-old woman who is still living at home and going to community college. In spite of the fact that next semester is my last semester at community college, I got accepted to a great 4-year university earlier this month, and I have a good job, I have been struggling with self esteem issues for MONTHS. I have a low self esteem.
Earlier today, my boyfriend [M21], who goes to a 4-year university and is living in off-campus housing with a roommate (it pains me so much to type this part for some reason :/) messaged me on facebook saying he was really, really close to getting a job after struggling for months to get one. I didn't even reply back because I started to feel really crappy about myself all over again.
I exited out of facebook and I started thinking about how he, his roommate, and his roommate's girlfriend have hung out and smoked weed together WITHOUT ME. Being reminded of the fact that his roommate NEVER invites me to do stuff with the three of them brings me so much pain. I think it might be one of the factors that makes my already low self esteem go down even more.
Anyway, I know I already came to this conclusion earlier this year, but I had just remembered that the reason I couldn't feel happy for my boyfriend is because it feels like he is moving on up in the world faster than I am, which is also contributing to my low self esteem. It feels great to put a name to my negativity, but being reminded of events that have happened that make my self esteem go down every time I think about them is not fun. (I try not to think about those things, I really do, but sometimes they'll creep into my mind without warning.)
I feel like a monster for not being able to be happy for my boyfriend. How do I fix these self esteem issues and be happy for other people's accomplishments and be ok with my path in life again?? I'm so sad. :( | I have low self esteem and feel like a monster for not being able to be happy for my boyfriend after finding out he's really, really close to getting a job. |
t3_4vokrd | relationships | I [27m] cheated on her [23f] should I tell her? | Our relationship has been on for almost 4 years at this point. I'll be honest, I've been a pretty terrible boyfriend. It started out very well, she was my first relationship ever (I wasn't hers) and I generally really felt attracted to her. Then it just sort of fell apart for me at some point and I cheated on her multiple times. I think the first time I did it we had been dating for about a year and then after that I did it almost routinely throughout our relationship with different women - sometimes club hookups, sometimes random girls I met etc.
Now one of my "friends" said he's tired of seeing this happen and that I need to break up with her, or he'll tell her everything. I agreed that this is just pointless at this point, so I decied I should break up with her. Problem is - I've never had a girlfriend before her, I don't know how to do this stuff.
Basically I'm conflicted as to how to go about doing all of this. She finishes work in a few hours and I'm not sure if I should message her, call her, go to her place, take her out somewhere public, how should I say it? While breaking up with her, should I tell her that I cheated on her? We have a lot of mutual friends so I'm kind of scared that they'll say something to her about it later, but at the same time if I'm breaking up with her eitherway I don't see what's the point of bringing the cheating up, because I feel it would make her feel worse. Also - our relationship, at least from her perspective, is pretty much perfect so I don't know how I should break up with her. I don't know how to do this or what to say.
Please help. | I'm breaking up with my first girlfriend, don't know how to do this or what to say. Should I bring up the fact that I cheated? |
t3_3vn1jd | relationships | 25m and 24f....best relationship I've ever had, but starting to feel anxious.... | My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years, and the time we have spent together is something that has greatly changed my life. She is wise beyond her years....she pulled me out of depression, accepted me completely and gracefully with all my flaws, and she motivates me daily to look at life positively and even strive for something better. Near the beginning of our relationship, she told me that she wants a partner that will grow with her...someone that she can share the joys of life with. And because of her, I've grown and matured as a human being and I have never been more happy and positive in my entire life.
She has always told me of her dreams of becoming successful in international business and is nearing the end of her schooling. If all goes well, she will be finishing off her senior year of college in Korea while interning there and eventually obtaining employment within a prominent Korean company.
Recently, she has been talking a lot about "cherishing our time together", and I always do treasure the moments we spend together, but the knowledge that soon after finals she will be on the other side of the planet is starting to instill a deep uneasiness within me. I truly support my girlfriend making her dreams/goals/ambitions a reality, but a part of me can't help but feel this kind of crippling anxiety...like I'm about to lose her forever, especially with the way she's been talking recently.
I don't know...I'm not even looking for responses. I just needed to get my feelings out somewhere. To be honest I have been keeping these emotions internal for a while, and I haven't discussed with my girlfriend because I want her to pursue her life objectives without any kind of burden or restraint. I don't want to hold her back. And realistically, I won't be able to follow her to Korea...at least not until I myself complete my own education and finish up my military obligations....although if I could drop everything in my life right now to follow her, I would. | Best girlfriend I have ever met is planning on going to Korea to finish school and begin career, feeling lost and a little depressed. No real questions, just wanted to speak my mind. |
t3_3d5r1q | relationships | My cousin [46M] has been guilting me [21M] into buying things for him & others | I am a full time student and I work part time. I live in a house with many of my relatives together. We've each more or less separated the house by family group. The first floor is the domain of my father and I. The second floor is the domain of my grandmother, Aunt A and her husband and my cousin "G" in question. The third & fourth floor is for Aunt H (cousin G's mother), Aunt B and again my cousin G (he has two bedrooms total).
Because my section of the house has been under renovation for the last 3 months (and counting) I have been eating meals, sharing resources (food and kitchen appliances), and generally spending down time on Aunt H's floor except to shower and sleep.
I don't make a lot of money as I work part time for minimum wages. In contrast cousin G voluntarily has gone on unpaid leave from his job and has extended his absence several times though he has the option to resume working.
Recently he has begun treating my money as our money. Though he hasn't said it as such, he feels as though whenever I go shopping I am to buy groceries for everyone with no recompensation. I don't mind buying one or two items but the last few times I have offered to pay for a few things I ended up spending about $50 dollars each time when I average about $300 a month and after I pay bills for myself I have about $100 left. Unlimited metrocards are expensive.
On top of this it's not as though I eat everything that is available in the fridge. I only eat what I pay for. It's the right thing to do and given that I know he can be petty about anything I didn't want to eat anything that he may claim is "his" (pretty much anything that is general consumption he claims as "his")
Because of this I have decided to take on some of the renovation work myself (my dad has been doing it sorta kinda not really) so I can get back into my own space faster.
Am I being selfish by initially not wanting to contribute as much and now not wanting to contribute at all? | My cousin tries to label me as selfish if I don't buy something for him/for general consumption whenever I get food or go to the grocery store and I have very limited funds. What to do? |
t3_khdtf | relationship_advice | Just went on a "date" with a girl i met on okcupid, says shes more interested in meeting friends than dating | So i want to start off saying I know I can't force people to change their intentions and I will not be putting forth too much effort with this girl. I date often enough to know there is a high chance any effort would be wasted.
The date was alright. Nothing magical or too much of a failure, just ok. The problem is we do have a lot of common interests in video games and were both big movie buffs, but Im a pretty outgoing and social person where she claims to be completely content with staying home with her cats and | Went on a date with a girl who is a homebody and doesn't normally date. There is potential, so what do you suggest? |
t3_3jovwe | relationships | Me [19 M] with my gf [18 M/F] of alomost 2 months are trying long distance. Looking for tips on how to make things easier for us to stay together. | My gf and I have known each other for over 5 years now (starting in middle -school) and have been best friends ever since. We like the same things and always talk about the same stuff and always look out for each other.
We only recently decided to try a romantic relationship. we love each other very much and really want to make this work because, despite the odds, we love each other too much to not give it our all.
She recently moved away for college and I will be soon. She is and will continue to be 1 time zone ahead of me for the remainder of our college years. We will both be coming back home during break and summer quarters, etc so we'll physically see each other then.
I'm reaching out to anyone who has any helpful tips that could make things easier for us to be together long-term despite the distance between us.
btw we talk pretty frequently every day through phone calls, texts, and skype.
Any and all help is appreciated. Thank you! | My [19/M] best friend [18/F] of 5 years and I recently started dating. Looking for advice on how to make long distance relationships work since we're going to separate colleges. |
t3_1pwlbf | relationships | My girlfriend [23 F] says she wants to dress nicer and sexier for me [25 M] but how do I tell her not to sometimes? | She's asked me what I like best about her body, and what colors I like on her, and what kinds of clothes I like on her. I've been honest and told her I like her butt and legs a lot, that I like her in purple and pink, and I like one strap dresses/certain skirts she's worn/heels/open toe shoes, etc. I've noticed that everytime she puts on an outfit, she would make a complaint like "i like these shoes, but im afraid ill fall in them" and then i say "Oh, well you don't have to wear that you know, why not wear these shoes instead?" And she'd ALWAYS say something like "those would be better but, i want to look hot for you"
-_- I've never been in a relationship before and don't really know how to handle this. I want her to know that I think she's hot no matter what she wears, and it's nice to see her in sexy clothes but not if it's going to hurt her or make her feel uneasy. I've tried telling her this before and she'd be like "Oh, no it's ok! I want to wear this."
I don't want her wearing everything she wears because I like it. She literally is always wearing something purple/pink, short skirts, heels, even if we're just going someplace casual. I'm just afraid she thinks I won't desire her if she doesn't cater to my liking. I also don't want her to get upset if I try telling her not to always dress to my liking. I like that she's trying to make me happy, but I don't want her to feel insecure about it. | My girlfriend's clothing choice is always about what I like on her. How can I get her to dress for herself more often without her feeling like I don't appreciate her trying to make me happy? |
t3_3weisk | tifu | TIFU by taking my son to play golf with his grandfather | So this happened a few months ago. My son is 6 and they were having this night out for his school at a local small time amusement park. Well, earlier that day, he and I had gone to the golf course with my dad. While I was across the fairway hitting a shot, my son had to pee. So my dad, being the resourceful man that he is, takes my son behind a bush and lets him pee. Any man who golfs has done this on a golf course, and it's no big deal.
Well, later that night, my son and I are waiting in line for the carousel, when he starts doing the dance. He takes off out of the line, and runs outside. When I finally catch up to him, he's got his shorts around his knees and he's peeing in a bush outside of the carousel.
One of the workers from the park saw and couldn't help but laugh. Thankfully, I don't think any of his schoolmates or their parents saw anything. | Dad let son pee in bush on golf course. Son thinks this is always ok. Son peed on bush at amusement park. |
t3_3cd9ar | relationships | Me [19 M] breaking up with my girlfriend [19 F] of 4 years | Basically we started dating in our sophomore year of high school. Things were going alright at first, this being my first relationship, but we had rocky dysfunctional fights from time to time. These fights escalated in to our senior year of high school, but we were still committed to trying long distance during college. I ended up cheating-- straight up, I won't give the details as to why I reasoned that it was a good idea. I regret it, I deserve the judgement. I broke it off my girlfriend now, as things weren't working out even disregarding the cheating but I'm struggling with the guilt I deservedly feel. I broke it off with the girl I was cheating on my girlfriend for too. Everything seems empty and lonely now, but I deserve it.
Should I tell my ex what I did with someone else? I genuinely feel to a certain level that telling her would do nothing more than cause more unnecessary heartbreak in an already destroyed relationship. | Cheated on my girlfriend of 4 years, broke it off with her since things weren't working out. Should I still tell her what I did? |
t3_426413 | relationships | Me [F23] with my boyfriend [M26] of 3 months, he's potentially leaving to be a Marine, any advice? | So me and the boyfriend have only been with each other a short amount of time but we've both told each other we're falling for one another, the only issue is he hates his current job and is determined to join the marines. Whilst it pains me to think of not seeing him for 8 months (unless he gets the odd weekend off) I'm supporting his decision, he previously tried out for his PRMC and left on the second day because he wanted to give us a chance.
He's going for it again and I want to be prepared incase he passes which I'll be surprised if he fails, he has such determination and has his goals set on being a Marine.
Any advice on how to support him more, if he passes will I be able to communicate in any way with him or is it just letters? Obviously it'll be difficult but will it get any easier? I want to make this potential transition easy as possible for the both of us. I know if he fails he'll be going back for it again so it's pretty set in stone he'll do anything to get in. | Boyfriend is trying out for the marines again, both falling for each other but he needs to do this to be happy. Any advice? |
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