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t3_3m2alf | relationships | I [M18] am thinking of breaking up with my girlfriend [F18] of 1 year | Hey reddit so I have been with my girlfriend for a year now and we have had our ups and downs but for the most part things were good. Until a few months ago i started to notice she really just does not care that much about me and tries to control my life. She gets mad if I hang out with friends and not her, she won't let me drive somewhere if she deems that it would be "unsafe", and she will get mad at me but not tell me why she is mad or just say things like "I'm fine" when she clearly is not. The breaking point for me is when she got a concussion but refused to stop playing sports even though thats not smart and I kept telling her to stop. But she did not care about what i had to say. If i go to a party without her she will get mad or make me feel guilty because she wasn't there to have fun with me. Should I end this? I am no longer having fun in this relationship and slowly getting more and more unhappy. I love this girl so much but she just treats me very poorly. | Long list of problems where girlfriend doesn't respect or trust me and its making me not have fun or happy in our relationship. Should I end it? |
t3_2ykg0c | Advice | My GF totaled her car. The dealership is claiming that it was a lease when signs indicate it was a loan. | Please reddit, you're our only hope. My girlfriend went to the dealership two years ago looking to buy a car via dealership loan. She traded in her car for the down payment on the lease (I know that's extremely stupid) The salesperson said they had to start via lease because she didn't want to co-sign but they--according to her--worked it out so that it would automatically switch to a loan after a year.
They're now telling her insurance provider that it was a 36 month lease and she may have to pay more than the insurance quote on the car's value.
The payments were ~$300 a month. It's a base civic and the payments make much more sense as a car loan than a lease.
We're professionals, but work in the non-profit sector. This could ruin us. | Dealership is claiming totalled car was leased, salesperson sold it as a pay-to-own. Now we're screwed. Need advice from people that have been in this situation before. |
t3_2zahts | tifu | TIFU by keeping a secret from my SO for 1.5 years. | We had been dating for about 6 months. He told me he planned to leave. For a year. I had never been in love before, and was scared of getting hurt. I knew if he left we wouldn't last, because long distance never works. So I paniced. And broke it off. I figured it'd hurt less this way. We were broken up for about two weeks. During this time he wouldn't talk to me. I regretted it the moment I said it, but I was too late to take back. I spent most nights in a drunken mess, I know not healthy, but it helped. One night my friends threw a kick back. A guy there was giving me a lot of attention, and I was in a low lonely place. It was nice, I was drunk and I kept getting drunker. All I remembered was waking up next to him the next morning. It was awful. I rushed to the bathroom and asked my roommate to make him leave. I could get clean enough. I hated myself. I felt gross and dirty. And no matter how many showers I took I could wash the guilt away. I found out later, from another friend, that he hadn't had a single drink that night. So I had my sorry drunken ass to blame for everything. A couple of days later my ex contacted me. We had dinner, he told me he wouldn't leave if I asked him to stay. We got back together. I never told him. Fast forward to a couple of months ago. I had to move for work to Colorado. We had talked and decided it was hard to do long distance. I didn't want to lose him, but he said he needed space. In a fit of anger and rage I blurted out what happened 1.5 years ago. He told me to leave. And to never talk to him again. He said had I just told him after it happened he would have understood. But I lied to him for over a year. He said everytime I said "I love you" for that whole time had been a lie. I hurt him. And now I lost him. And I hate myself for it. | I kept a shameful secret from the man I loved for over a year. And when it came out I lost him. I should never have lied. And I'll regret it for the rest of my life. |
t3_1v0g6d | relationships | My (27F) mom (49F) really let me down | I am currently pregnant and am almost ready to have the baby. My mom lives with her husband (not my dad) and he is currently on deployment. We've known I was pregnant since the second month. During this time my mom decided to take in foster children (even though she was an abusive parent, she has since gotten a lot better).
Well she had been telling me the whole time that she was going to come down to my state and help me after the birth. She tells me today that she can't. At first I understand completely, the plane ticket is expensive, but that's not why. Then I assume it's the foster kids, which I understand as well. But that's not it either.
She doesn't want to leave her dogs.
Her fucking dogs. That's her reason. She can afford it, she doesn't care about leaving the foster kids, she just doesn't want her dogs to be without her. She even has 2 different people she can have watch them (and she told me that), but she doesn't want to do that because "The dog is old and is on meds and has to go outside to pee every 10 minutes". I am less important than the dog.
I wouldn't even be upset if it were money or the foster kids. I totally understand that, but to be told that you and your children don't matter as much as the dog does really hurts.
I know that it's my responsibility to take care of my family and all that. I would just rather she lie to me or don't even bring up flying down here.
It might be the pregnancy hormones but I'm crushed. I don't matter to my own mother. | My mom loves her dogs more than my kids and I. I don't know how to get past this and frankly don't even want to talk to her any more. |
t3_1gcrgc | dating_advice | Strategies for living with a gamer? 22F & 29M | Hi, I'm a 22F living with my 29M boyfriend and he is addicted to gaming. He would rather play games than do anything else, to be honest. When he does do other things (with me or otherwise), it seems like he has this weird transitionary period where he seems to be having difficulty... and then he's normal again. As soon as he plays games again, though, he's back to the *gaming mood*.
Anyway, how do *I* cope with living with someone who plays games for at least 3 hours a day?
I get bored and resentful, and then feel guilty when I ask him to hang out with me. I feel like a *burden*. I love him a lot, the normal him, and don't mind that he has his own hobbies. However, I think he has an unhealthy relationship with this particular hobby. I was hoping that someone who has had experience could help explain how to deal with this lifestyle. | Live-in boyfriend is addicted to gaming. We've talked about it, but the conclusion is that he knows he is battling a serious addiction. How do I cope with this lifestyle? |
t3_43wcua | relationships | My [23F] boyfriend [23M] has been taking on my hobbies and interests | I am in a pretty fresh relationship; I have been dating Jake for about 3 months.
I'm going to be brief. On my first few dates with Jake, I was unsure of our compatibility. We just had very different interests and hobbies. I am REALLY into music (I even work in music PR); he didn't really listen to music except for some old hip hop. I go to a lot of concerts, which he wasn't into. We had different taste in food, tv, pretty much everything. I'm really into hiking and the outdoors, he wasn't.
Some of Jakes old hobbies were: cars, anime, sci-fi, card games. I thought it was cool that he had his own interests, but I was also aware that they differed greatly from mine. I honestly had no interest in his hobbies, so I found this to just be a red flag of possible incompatibility.
But Jake was very receptive and open to my hobbies and interests. I would send him songs, he would like them. I'd suggest we go to shows together, or start a new TV series, and he would be really into it.
It's gotten to the point where Jake has dropped all of his past interests and is now really into the stuff that I am into. Which I thought at first was great, but I'm now beginning to get concerned.
I feel like Jake is completely changing himself to be more like me. And I can't even tell if it's genuine.
I send him music to listen to a lot, and he always ends up loving it. The other day, I decided to test him by sending him a song that I thought was awful and not like my taste at all. And he said he loved it! I'm beginning to feel like he's not even really listening to stuff I send him, but just pretending to so that we seem more compatible? | My boyfriend is taking on my hobbies and interests to seem more compatible to me. I think that he's faking it. He's completely dropped his old self. |
t3_2miohx | tifu | TIFU by forgetting to wash my hands. | This happened two days ago.
My husband and I were getting ready to go out of town for the weekend, and as he was loading the car I was doing some last minute things around the house. I cleaned out our cats' litter boxes and then I emptied all the trash in the house and took it to the street. Normally after doing this I wash my hands (cuz, you know, cat poop is super gross), but on this particular occasion I got distracted by all the things we were trying to do before leaving town, and I completely forgot.
So, everything's packed and we're on the road. I open up a bag of hot fries to snack on and start chowing down on the spicy deliciousness. After a while, I decide to check my phone, so I lick my fingers first to get them clean. This is when I realized that I forgot to wash my hands after cleaning out the litter boxes. I can't be sure, but I think my fingers tasted funny. | cleaned out litter boxes, didn't wash my hands, then ate some hot fries and licked my fingers clean. Probably have a disease now. |
t3_411yj9 | relationships | My (22/F)Girlriend cheated on Me(21/M) | My girlfriend had cheated on me right before finals with her ex boyfriend. It absolutely devestated me, and didn't make taking my four finals any better. I decided to give her a second chance a few days ago, but then I found out she was still having sex with her ex boyfriend. Literally last weekend. She keeps saying that what is going on between them has nothing to do with me and her, at this point I think she's out of her mind. I just wanted some advice on how to get over her. To be honest she was a great girl and I still don't understand how this ended up happening. It's my last semester of college and I don't want to spend it moping around and being depressed, but that's all I've been able to do as of late. We had been dating for around seven months. | Girlfriend cheated one me with ex boyfriend. Decided to give her another chance, still doesn't see the problem with having sex with her ex while we were trying to work things out. |
t3_145b5h | relationship_advice | 19m trying to ask out 22f, she claims to be getting over a long term relationship. What's the next step? | Last year, I met this lovely lady in my biology lab and we along well. We would help each other with assignments and study together. At the time, I was in a long distance relationship, so I refrained from making any additional moves. She didn't discover our age gap for a while, and always brought it up jokingly whenever we hung out.
Fast forward to this year. We've caught up and hung out several times, going to bars/pubs or chilling at each other's places. I'm single, she's single, so I asked her out. She accepted, but then called me the next day saying she feels that it was unfair to me if she went out with me as she was still recovering from a 4.5 year long distance relationship.
That's cool, I'll be that 'nice guy' and leave it be.
Last night, we went out for a few drinks, we had a lot of fun, she invited me to her place, but it got awkward she started wondering about her past relationship again. She offered her couch for me to sleep on, but I refused as my place is close by. We hugged at the door, and she says "maybe females and males can't just be friends can they?" I remember saying "can they?" and then kissed her on the cheek and went on my confused way back home in the cold Canadian winter.
Have I been friend zoned? Is there an issue with our ages (she's graduating and leaving next year)? Does she even like me? She talks to me on and off, depending on the exam season. I really have strong feelings for this girl, and I feel like I deserve a chance. | I (19m) want to pursue a relationship with girl (22f), she's still getting over a 4.5 year relationship. What's the next step? |
t3_4nozgu | AskDocs | I (22 F) no longer feel the urge to urinate. Please help! | Hi everyone! 5'1", 112 pounds, caucasian female. Like the title says, I'm having a pee problem. Yesterday I went to the ER with a poop problem. I was super constipated/impacted and couldn't go for over a week (I eat healthy and drink plenty, but I'm prone to getting backed up every now and then). At first, I peed a lot more than usual yesterday (about 3 times in 2 hours) from the poop pressure, but would have to push on my tummy to get it going. Then I couldn't urinate until after I passed that brick of a turd. And that time it was surprisingly a lot of pee, even though I went maybe a couple hours before, so I think I wasn't emptying my bladder completely before I pooped.
Today I haven't felt the urge to pee. I think my bladder was very distended from the pressure so it may have stretched out and doesn't feel when its supposed to be full. I still peed every 6-8 hours because I knew that I should have to go with the amount I'm drinking. Will my urge return? Should I do kegels or something? I think its really important for my body to be able to tell me when it wants to pee so I'm hoping it returns. Please and thanks for helping! | after holding in monster poops for 7+ days, my bladder isn't letting me know when I have to pee. Is there anything I can do? Will it return to normal? |
t3_v8w9v | AskReddit | Does the last food on the plate taste the worst? IE, should I eat my favourite things first? | Hello AskReddit,
A question that has always bothered me when eating my meal;
Is it smart to first eat your favourite food, let's say the meat, or is it better to save it for last?
I'm not looking for an answer like "hah, if you eat it first, it's gone fast!". No, I was thinking the following: I can imagine that your brain makes you experience food differently when your stomach is filled. You have eaten something already, and it is not necessary to eat a lot more. Your brain could compensate that by making you less hungry of make your food taste a little bit less nice.
Let's say I initially have a plate of potatoes, vegetables and meat. Assuming my previous "theory", if I start with vegetables and potatoes, the meat would be eaten later on, on a fuller stomach. I would experience it as being less delicious as compared to the experience I would have when eating it the first.
Note that I used "experience", and not "taste". Obviously, the food doesn't change, so I prefered "experience". Receptors in my nose will maybe get the same information about the taste of the food. Assuming the taste differs later on in the meal, what changed in the receptors or in the brain?
Could there be some neurotransmitter that makes nerves in the stomach send signals to the brain when the stomach is full? Again, this all only could be relevant when food does actually taste worse.
*(Maybe this is a biology-orientated question, but AskReddit might be able to answer it.) | Does food really taste worse with a full stomach, and if so, what does cause this? Receptors or the processing of signals in the brain? |
t3_3ivnxt | dating_advice | I (20M) have no drive to go out, mixed feelings about her (20F) | I'm just in a confused zone. It's almost a borderline I want to be alone but I would love to go out. I've been hanging out with this girl now for a week or two and it's really fun but I'm not sure if it's as friends or more. I don't really text her unless she asks to hang out. I've had some shit relationship history in the past and it's made me always on the fence. I'll always go on a date but then flake because I put myself in a corner and then the pressure of closing is too much that I go fuck it I'll just do me. | part of me wants to date her, other part wants to be alone because of past history and insecurities. Eep. |
t3_115nvl | relationships | M(22) F(19): Just broke up with girlfriend of 5 months who was moving across the world for me. Was it the right thing to do? | M (22) F (19). Did I do the right thing breaking up with girlfriend whio wantred to follow me across the world? We started sleeping togehter about a year ago and it was never that serious if anything I made all the effort. I then moved away with work about a 5 hour trip away and she seemed to get more interested, she came down to see me and we spoke about being more official this happened to coincide with me saying I was moving back across the world to where I was originally from having spent three years in another country.
She wasnt very happy but our relationship continued semi long distance. I then said why not come with me and If im honest this was mainly because I new (or so I thought) she would never do it and I was right at first. She then decided after speaking to parents that in fact she would come with me. I wasn't unhappy about it but was very worried she wouldnt like it and that if we didnt work out she would then only have me to rely on and it could get very messy. We actually had a massive argument four days before I left and I broke up with her, at which point she told me she loved me and I felt so bad I went back to her. We are very different people and our relationship had always been about sex and watching movies, that was it.
Anyway we have been skyping and emailing alot the last 2 months since I got back but it has been constantly worrying me. She then went crazy at me because there were some photos on facebook of me and my ex from 6yrs ago just hanging out, nothing happened. I basically thought what a perfect time for us to breakup and so basically ignored her for 36hrs and she then broke it off, although still blames me obviously. I feel really bad she has been working so hard but feel may of saved us both from a disaster but also kind of regret it as she was so in to me and perhaps it could of worked. What do you think reddit? Did I do the right thing? | went from fuck buddys to relationship, she said she loved me, wanted to follow me across world, I was worried wouldnt work as not that in to her, broke it off, feel bad and unsure on choice. |
t3_1n0gqz | relationships | Me [17 M] not sure when to ask out potential girlfriend [16 F]. | I met this girl at school and have known her about a month but it's been pretty casual between us. I wasn't sure if she liked me but we are in the same group of friends going to homecoming together so I decided to ask her.
Since I am kind of friends with her brother I drove to her house and asked her. I assumed that she would say yes because she didn't have a date but I didn't know if she actually liked me. I ended up hanging out with her all weekend cuddling and watching movies and it was pretty obvious that she did actually like me.
I didn't kiss her though saturday night mainly because I thought it might be to soon considering it was only our second time hanging out. I kind of wish that I would have looking back at it. Today people were asking us if we were a couple yet and it was awkward because I said no even though I think she wanted me to ask her right then and there. | I hung out with this girl all weekend. It was our first time hanging out and there was definitely tension between us. When should I ask her to be my girlfriend or kiss her? |
t3_1rq818 | relationships | Me [21F] with my friend [19M] ~2 years, friend dating and rejection - what would have been the best thing to do? | We started off as good friends with a solid year and a half of close friendship before he confessed he really liked me and wanted to date. At the time, I had no dating experience and thought that going out once as friends meant an exclusive relationship, and because I didn't feel the same, I rejected him. We weren't very close after.
One year later, after having been on casual dates, I was interested in dating that friend after getting back of decent terms, and this time asked him. At this point, I think he still had affectionate feelings towards me. We went on a date a couple of weeks ago and it was fun, but in the end I was certain that there was no romantic spark for me.
When asked by him a week after the date for a second one, I told him I didn't see it continuing and have left it at that since. I am reflecting on this now and wonder if maybe I should have never have asked him out. I don't regret asking him out because I was able to clearly see that to me I'm satisfied where we are, but I suppose I want reassurance and opinions on what would have been the best thing to have done? I feel a bit mad at myself that in the end I asked out someone I knew had feelings for me and didn't end up really 'giving' him a result. | asked to go out with friend who liked me, didn't really feel it the first time and have called off dates. should i have not asked at all? |
t3_3sb4y4 | relationships | Me (17M) was told something by my ex (18F) that I have no idea what it means. | So I dated this girl when I was just ending grade 10 in the summer up untill January of grade 11 for me (I am now in grade 12) it was a week off of being 7 months. She is a year older then me and we were very good together never got In fights or anything like that.
We broke up because she thought she was going to St Catherines for school (I live in Newmarket she lives in Toronto) and it wouldn't be able to work. She ended up going to a university in Toronto insted so she is still living at home.
We never like stopped talking or anything but we started talking alot more since August so much that I ended up seeing her two weeks ago and when we hung out we made out and other stuff.
She had texted me the day before asking if I still had feelings for her (which I do) and then admitting that she still thinks about me alot. Now the night I saw her she drove me home and before I left I told her I wanna try again and she responsed with exactly "me to just not right now" I have no idea what that means can someone help me? Also I am seeing her this Friday is there anything I should do? | so my ex said she likes me again and when I told her I wanna get back she said not right now but she wants to. |
t3_1526l9 | personalfinance | Trying to decide between funding a Roth or paying off my deferred student loans early. | Okay, here's my situation:
I make about $45,000 a year, I contribute to my 401k, and I have $8,000 saved up for emergency savings (my goal is $10,000, 8 months of expenses). My only debt is a little over $14,000 in student loans. My loans are currently deferred and will not accrue interest until June 2014. I'm currently in grad school and have 2 semesters left, but my employer pays for 75%, so I'm taking out minimal loans (~$1500/semester, which is a steal for grad school).
My plan was to reach my emergency savings goal by the end of next month, and then start working hardcore to pay off my loans. With some careful budgeting, I can have my undergraduate loans completely paid off by December 2013 (January 2014 at the latest) and the remainder of my old subsidized graduate loans paid off well before June 2014, when they go into repayment.
But now I'm thinking about setting up a Roth IRA. Currently, my income is well below the current income limits, but if I play my cards right, I'm in line for a pretty sizable promotion within the next 3-4 years that would put me over the limit.
I have about $1200 a month that I can use towards student loans or my Roth. If I decide to fund a Roth and pay off student loans, I'll have all of my student loans paid off either right before June 2014 or maybe a few months after. The principle balance would be pretty low by this time, so any interest I would accrue would be relatively negligible.
A part of me just wants to get my loans out of the way, but another part of me is a bit obsessed with retirement. | Should I pay off my student loans early, well before interest accrues, or should I pay them off a little slower to establish a Roth IRA, while risking paying a little bit of interest on the student loans? |
t3_uzusi | relationships | My husband built a "dating utility." I am, to say the least, a little suspicious. | My husband (42M) and I (37F) met online and have been married for just over 7 years. I may be completely nuts, or maybe the seven-year itch superstition may be affecting my brain, but should I be worried at all?
We married shortly after we met, and have (what I would call) a happy marriage. We don't argue very often, and try to talk to each other as much as we can, as he works and I stay at home with our kids. I am a bit bored, and lately I have been a little distracted, but for the most part, I am a happy housewife.
My husband has a demanding job, and the website was a side project that he did with friends, but lately, he has been spending quite a bit of time and energy on it. He created a website which allows people to date/cheat without friends or family knowing. (please check it out; I am not 100% sure I understand how it works.) I have no idea what he does with it personally, although he is very, very enthusiastic about his project.
He has never said he is unhappy in our marriage, but I am just a bit weary of his enthusiasm. Our sex life has dropped off a bit since he has been working on the website (he has said that he is tired; I didn't question this). I don't monitor his online activity, he rarely brings his work home, and we seldom use our computer in tandem, so I can't really sneak a peek at what he's been doing online.
Is it unreasonable to be suspicious? Are there ways to ask him about it without sounding paranoid? Or stupid (I don't know very much about computers)? I know he had cheated on his girlfriends in the past, but is it too much paranoia on my part to look at his past record as proof of his possible (and/or future) infidelity? | the husband I met online created a website for dating/cheating. (I hope it's not on me.) |
t3_2nwid1 | relationship_advice | My ex [26/m] is friends with my [33/f] roommate and I don't want him at my house. | My ex and I broke up very recently. It was a fairly rocky relationship and the breakup was pretty ugly. After he moved out I had a new roommate move in. He's a nice kid that kept to himself and paid his bills. Shortly after that I noticed he and my ex started chumming around. My ex has things still left in the house and I told him that if he needed to pick any of it up he could call, but now he just stops by unannounced with my roommate. They come to the house on my days off and play video games for hours waiting for the bar to open.
Personally, if I'm at work, I don't care that they are there. But the breakup is still fresh and I've taken to hiding in my room because I don't want to be downstairs if here there. It upsets me and makes me sick to my stomach.
Am I asking too much that he not be at my house while I'm home? | My ex is friends with my roommate and won't stop coming to my house and I'd like to ask him to stop. |
t3_eifje | cats | I can't stand the cat, help? | I realize this subreddit is full of cat-lovers, so please forgive me for being a sub-human-cat-hater or whatnot. I'm just looking for help on how to tolerate living with a cat... if it attacks the Festivus tree one more time I think I will explode!
Long story short, I got a cat for my husband who loves cats. I didn't think this would be a problem, as I've known plenty of cats and while I didn't really like them, I didn't hate them. I figured a cat would sorta just "hang around" and certainly not bug me constantly. Boy was I wrong.
Now that we have one though, I hate the dang thing. Supposedly its behavior is "normal" but as it turns out, normal cat behavior absolutely drives me up the wall with irritation. To top it off, my spouse said he would be in charge of "training" the cat to not do the worst things (get on counters, scratch things, sleep in our bed, etc) but he has failed to do so and won't take care of these things now either... sigh.
I've looked online for solutions to some of the more irritating things, but they always involve a) covering things in tape/gross smelling sprays or b) constantly following the cat to correct behavior. Neither is fine with me, especially as neither has worked!
However, the dog (whom I adore) and my husband (whom I adore even more) like the cat a lot... so I feel like I've got to adapt.
More importantly, while I have never hurt the cat, when it keeps irritating me so consistently I feel so much pure rage towards it that I'm afraid that one of these days I will chuck it across the room or something. Currently, I cope with my feelings of hatred by putting the cat in another room where there is nothing it can destroy until I cool down, but my husband thinks I am doing something awful by closing it away from me. I'm not an angry or violent person at all, this cat just pushes every one of my buttons.
Any tips on how I can learn to tolerate this thing I have to live with? | My cat is normal, but as it turns out I really, really dislike cats. Any ideas on how to cope? |
t3_1uhie7 | cats | Litter box issues | About a year ago, my boyfriend adopted a kitten. He already had one kitten. They got along great from the beginning. About a month after adopting Dutch(2nd kitten), he started pooping on the floor right outside the litter box. At first I thought that it was because he was just missing it, being a little kitten. But he never grew out of that. It doesn't matter how many boxes we have out, or how clean the boxes are. He will even poop under the kitchen table.
Recently, we noticed that he has also been urinating on the floor near his poop spots. Usually in the same 2 areas. He will urinate in the box most of the time. We don't have carpet in any room in the house. No rugs, either.
I have no idea what to do. I have 2 of my own cats. They have never had this problem. They are currently at my parents house because this house is so small. We want to move to a nicer, larger house soon. My boyfriend is strongly thinking about giving him away, but if we could fix this, Dutch would be the best cat ever.
Has anyone had experience with this before? Have you been able to fix it? | cat poops outside of litter box. Bf is thinking about giving him away because we haven't been able to fix it. |
t3_ogxex | relationships | Boyfriend never pays for me | I have been with my bf for a year now. We are both in our 20's and college students with similar finance, however he spends a lot of money eating take out while I try to save money on food.
We never really dated officially, we would hang out and end up going out to eat together but never really on a "date" as such so I always offered to split the bill as we were just friends. Then when we became official we would take it in turns to pay or split the bill, he never offered to just pay... The only time he has outright paid for me was on my birthday. I'm not some spoilt brat who always wants men to pay for her but I would like to be treated like a princess more often!
If I went to Starbucks to get a coffee I would get him one but he never really does the same thing.
I don't know how to bring it up or get him to pay more without sounding spoilt.
Other than this he is a great boyfriend, very loving, but as he is my first I kind of wish he lived up to more of my expectation of men paying.
So how do I bring this up? Should I be upset or should I just get over it?
One thing that bothers me is once I went out for ice cream with a friend of his,he offered to buy mine and was surprised when I said I'd pay.. it kind of makes me wish my boyfriend was like that..
Also when I asked my friends it seems their boyfriends nearly always pay, they only split occasionally... Advice? | My boyfriend never offers to pay the bill. I feel like it's the "gentleman" thing to do sometimes... how do I bring it up? Do I have any right to be upset? |
t3_49abav | relationships | My GF [28F] eventually wants a tattoo. I'm [30M] adamantly against it. | So my gf, who I love and basically see my self marrying, is thinking about getting a tattoo. The problem is I am very against them. Other people have them and that's ok. I have several friends with tattoos. I have a problem with a girl I'm seriously dating getting one.
I think she sees getting tattoos as something fun to do where she gets a matching one with a girlfriend. I see it as her destroying an area of her beautiful skin. It is ultimately her choice what she does with her body, but I don't think even a small tattoo would be a compromise I could live with.
I'm not the most articulate in person, but I think that getting a tattoo would have her also going against something I think was really important. Something to the level of if I were to blow my entire salary to get a luxury car rather than to save up the money for something else. She still does not have one, but has brought this up several times. I'm not quite sure how to proceed with this as it would really ruin a lot of the love I feel for her and probably make it impossible in my mind to marry her if she were to go against my values in this way. I also don't want to compromise and let her get one that might permanently change the way I think about her. Can someone give me some perspective? Please feel free to post your experiences. | GF [28 F] wants to get tattoo in the future. I [30 M] don't want her to get one. |
t3_4eicbr | relationship_advice | [17/m] Continuing to date my girlfriend (16/f) when I go to college | So here's the deal quite simply. I'm a senior in High School who will be turning 18 at the end of this month. My girlfriend is 16, and sophomore, giving us about a one year, 8 month age difference. I live in Arizona. Before I continue, according to the Arizona Statute nicknamed the "Romeo and Juliet" statute, I need not worry about issues once I turn 18.
I am essentially in a new relationship with her. This is my first real relationship. I care about her a lot. But obviously, this relationship has a potentially huge issue when I go to college in the fall, and she remains at high school for two years.
Here's an important point. I am going to college in the SAME TOWN. It is a four year university, and my campus and dorm is roughly 10 minutes from our high school, and 15 minutes from her house. I will have my car at college.
She has expressed constant fear of our relationship deterioriating when I go to college, and I have worked hard to comfort her through those fears, telling her that we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
What do you Reddit think? | question: Do you think it would be possible for a College freshman to maintain a relationship with a high school senior, with a year and a half age gap, located in the same city? |
t3_4aifv7 | relationships | I (32M) recently started seeing someone (37F) who is recently seperated from her husband (42M). | We started seeing each other a few weeks ago. She has been up front and honest about the situation. Her husband was unfaithful to her and slept with another woman. When she found out about this, she immediately kicked him out of their house and filed for divorce.
Things between her and I are great! We get along very well and we have common interests and comlimentary personalities. She has two children whom I haven't met yet but would like to soon. Her divorce isn't final yet and her husband has been suspicious of her activity.
Well last night, her and I were at her place having a movie night when she gets a call from her husband. He's outside and wants to come in. She yells and tells him "No! You're not coming in!" This doesn't stop him. He's very upset and is determined to get in the house. She tells me to get my things together and hide in the Bathroom. I hear the two of them yelling at each other and he knows I'm there. He finds the bathroom where I'm locked into and tries to bust open the door. He's a big guy and and I'm not a fighter or a tough guy by any means.
He never gets into the bathroom but tells me that I should take her back to my place and that I have no business being in his house. He then says that I have 5 minutes to get out. He leaves and parks down the street waiting for me to leave. I grab my things and her and I get into my car and go back to my place.
She's crying and saying that I shouldn't have to deal with this and that he needs to accept and their marriage is over. He slept with another woman and that's the nail in the coffen. She is also saying that if I want to see other people that she wouldn't blame me. I want to stay with her but I do fear another encounter with her soon to be ex husband. | His problem that night was that I was with her in a house that his name is attached to. So what do I do? Just avoid going over to her place until things get further resolved? |
t3_2uvu3g | relationships | My [25f] bf [27m] of 1 yr doesn't believe I love him? | Last night my boyfriend was upset and I think having a panic attack (or bordering on one). But right as he was starting to cry/really get upset I told him gently that I loved him and he said "No," and then when I asked him if he really believed I didn't, he said "You hate me, you hate everything about me."
I don't know how to feel. I love so many things about him. I tell him and show him this all the time. It hurt so badly to have the person I love just... not believe that I love him. We've been having some conflict lately because we aren't connecting, but it's something we both agreed to work on. I just didn't think that he would believe I didn't love him.
This morning before he left for work, I told him I loved him again and he said it back. I don't know what happened.
He has a lot of anxiety about friends (he doesn't believe he can ever have friends), and he doesn't think anything is worth doing unless he can get recognition or support for it. He doesn't believe there's anything he could do that would make him happy or feel good. I recommended counseling to him last night, but I doubt he'll go.
What do I do? What would make someone think that? | Boyfriend said he doesn't think I love him, that I hate everything about him. I don't know what to do. Help? |
t3_eweb6 | AskReddit | What would you do to get your point across to rowdy neighbours? | I moved into a nice condo building typically full of professionals 2 years ago. It was nice and quiet until....2 months ago 3-5 frat-style-18-year-old-orange-ompaloompa-looking-kids moved in upstairs. The partying, yelling, arguing, is constant! Every weekend and at least one night a week! I think they move the furniture twice a week also really late at night. They are driving me crazy.
I have:
- gone up and talked to them nicely
- sent a letter to them
- talked to the condo board who has talked to their landlord
- called the police (who never show up)
Lately when I bang on their door at 2am on a Tuesday because I have to work in the morning they just tell me to fuck off and close the door.
Somethine needs to be done, and as long as I can't get arrested (I'm in Canada) I'm game.
*I can't retaliate with music or other loud noise as this is a highrise and I have other neighbours | asshole 18 year old partiers upstairs, need revenge to show who's boss so I can sleep, can't make equivilant noise/highrise and other neighbours. |
t3_38p3ir | Advice | Need Some Serious Relationship Advice | So I've been in this relationship for almost 2 years now. It all started when I suspected that she was into me, so I managed to get her to spill and she told me that she was into me and I wasn't sure how I felt about her at the time because I had broken up with an earlier girlfriend that same year and I still felt terrible about it. I gave it a week, and I decided to get into a relationship with her anyway. I enjoyed her company more and more but I've always questioned whether or not I loved her as much as she loved me and sometimes I questioned whether or not I loved her at all. Then there's this friend of mine who I've known for 4 years that I'm pretty certain I'm starting to develop feelings for now, but she's into one of my other friends. My girlfriend is also helping her get closer to the guy she likes, so now I'm in this awkward state of "do I love my girlfriend or my other friend who's into someone else." But I also feel that I'm too deep into this relationship for it to end now. My girlfriend loves me a lot but I don't get the feelings that I had with my last relationship when I'm with my current girlfriend. | unsure about feelings for girlfriend, developing feelings for friend who's into another friend, don't have the heart to tell my gf how I am |
t3_4ao1ez | relationships | Me [28 M] with my GF [23 F] of 14 months, How do I save the relationship | Ill try and keep it short.
She is beautiful, smart, sexy, my best friend, far more mature for her age, my entire world.
We began to grow apart about 6weeks ago due to her taking on too much with a second job, family problems and it causing her to fall into a depression she was keeping from me. I also had lost sight of the honeymoon faze and our bedroom became dead.
She lost it and left, said she wasn't sure if she could go forward with me. Eventually came back the next day agreeing to work on things. I have obsessed for weeks trying to romance her, woo her, show her I care so deeply for here again and again. All to almost no change.
One day I think things are great, the next day I don't know if she's in it with me or not.
I have tried to do everything I can think of to be romantic but that was reciprocated with "stop being extra nice, I don't like it" "I have a lot on my plate right now, I just need my space" but wont sit down to talk about whats "on her plate" or about how this can be changed without becoming defensive about it and it not going anywhere.
We havnt had sex in almost a month. The affection is limited, but there, just very few and far inbetween. I feel like im no longer an important part of her life and beginning to feel like she is not attacted enough for us to have sex but enough to be with me, to kiss me - not passionately but still.
Do I back off an give her the space she needs to remedy this on it own? even if I fear that could backfire.
or
How do I rescue my relationship and bring that fire back that we had in December but some how lost this year?
I love this woman more than words, I have zero desire of leaving the relationship. If that is your advise, please don't bother commenting. | I feel shes growing apart, how can I rescue the relationship and bring the fire back? IM NOT LEAVING HER. |
t3_2jn8p8 | relationships | Why do I [23F] keep getting into relationships I don't want and then become upset when they break up? | It's happened a few times now, meet nice guy, explain I only want a casual relationship whilst the guy agrees, he over a time frame says he wants something more serious. I always am dubious- I'm generally a cautious person and I find emotional intimacy quite difficult. So we continue the casual relationship, and whilst emotional intimacy increases, I begin to feel more secure in the relationship as they guy will convince me of their love.
Then the relationship will escalate up to the guy asking for long-term committment ex. Marriage or moving in. This will happen over a short-time frame ie. a few months and so naturally I refuse, its way too soon for me. But as we both want different things at the moment, the relationship breaks up and somehow, despite not wanting any real emotional intimacy, I am the more heartbroken one. This needs to stop happening. Is it something I am doing wrong? | I [23F] keep inexplicably getting into emotional intimacy in relationships I do not want and then become the more upset party at their ending. Let's stop this from happening!! |
t3_43xjpu | jobs | Changing jobs too frequently? | Hello /r/jobs!
I'm currently facing a choice and I'd like some input. My resume currently looks like this: 1 year as a technology assistant, 2 and a half as a web applications developer, 1 and a half years as an English teacher in Korea. I'm getting back into my field of software development and I have the choice between taking a programming job in Korea for 1 year or going back to Canada to continue my career there.
I want to take the job in Korea to get some experience, save up some money, and stay with my Korean wife while waiting for her Canadian permanent residency application to process. But I'm worried that taking the job, and then leaving after her application is processed (about a year), will make future employers feel I change jobs often and so not hire me.
Will taking that 1 year job make my resume worrisome to future employers?
Thanks! | 3 jobs in 5 years. Changing jobs and want to take a job for 1 year before moving back home. Will 4 jobs in 6 years look worrisome to future employers? |
t3_v9303 | AskReddit | So I'm 22 and already a mid-life crises | I recently had a job change from food industry to the retail industry. The last 6 or so years of my life have been trying to complete at least an associates in Fashion Merchandising while maintaining a full time job and vaguely having a life. I have an absolutely fabulous boyfriend who has supported me through all the ups and downs that I have encountered, who is now successful through his sheer determination to be so.
What I need help with is this: obviously not everything is perfect or exactly what you want it to be when you are not in control of it (i.e. owning your own business), and I've gotten far enough in my major that I need a school year's worth of full time classes to complete it - however I don't believe that fashion is really where my heart lies...
My idea of a dream job is being able to help people - some way, somehow...just - just for the sake of helping them. Yet I don't want to be a financial burden to my SO even if he has said he is willing to take over some of my fiscal responsibilities. I also dig sustainability and psychology, yet I've been keeping myself away from the latter so that I don't get caught in the shadow of my family member who is a social psychologist/lawyer to be. I've always been someone willing to work hard for something or someone I believe in, I think I just need some ideas on what sort of career path to pursue that I can use the skills I have learned while continuing my own education and not breaking the bank...sounds too good to be true but I know it exists!! I just need a place to start, and Reddit has always been a great place to do so (former 3 year lurker).
Thank you for ANY advice in advance; I really, sincerely, TRULY thank you for it. | new job in line with college career not all it's cracked up to be, want to help people but make some money so not financial burden. Thank you for any ideas in advance. |
t3_3w1qxd | relationships | Me [35F] with my boyfriend [32 M] for a year, his mom died which led to depression and so I don't think I'll tell him about pregnancy (and probably abortion). | My boyfriend's mom died earlier this year. He went into a deep depression. Things got harder and harder between us. I did everything I could to be there for him. But then he broke up with me.
I've been feeling weird recently and realized that I don't remember if I got my period last month. (It's been really light lately to a point where I barely get it.) Took a pregnancy test today and I'm pregnant. Kind of in shock as we've barely had sex.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to get an abortion and not tell him. I don't think he can handle any of this news as he's severely depressed. He's talked about killing himself. But it is making me sad. I really don't want to be a single mom and he really isn't in a place to be a good father. Problem is, there was a time in our relationship when I saw how great of a father he could be.
I tried to call him tonight for the first time since our break up. He didn't pick up. | Do I tell him even though it could lead to more depression for him, or more guilt for me having to make this decision? |
t3_3bngog | relationships | What can I [F/20] do for my boyfriend [M/20] who has done something sweet for me ? | So my boyfriend and I celebrated another month of being together today, as a result he did something really sweet for me I DIDN'T GET HIM ANYTHING!!! And he also said "I love you" for the first time which is a big deal for us.
I'm not the sweetest and the most affectionate girlfriend ever because I'm too shy to do sweet things (for the life of me, I don't know why) and kind of too broke to buy some expensive things for him. I really really like this guy and I want to do something really nice and special for him. What can I do?
For the guys, do you think he'll think that I'm forced to do something sweet for him just because he did it first? I've been meaning to do something for him for a long time now, I just don't know what to do. And I c.an't wait that long since I'll be going on a vacation for 2 months, I'll meet him this week so it's now or never
Can't just give him sex, you know... | boyfriend did something sweet for me, not really an affectionate person. Kinda broke so can't spend a lot. NEED IDEAS. |
t3_y1ij1 | relationships | How do I tell my boyfriend [20] I'm worried about his health[275lbs]? | Earlier this year I [20f] met an amazing guy [20m] who I immediately fell for. The both of us grew up in similar situations throughout our younger years, and this made me feel relieved that I could finally closely relate to someone with those matters. Over the past months, we've bonded very quickly as we confided and given support in each other and have a very close and happy relationship.
Since he was a kid he's dealt with a lot of bullying, especially due to his appearance. He's always been a bigger guy, and most of us know how cruel kids are. Being bullied about his weight, as he's told me, really effected his self-esteem and confidence and he's become very sensitive about the subject of his weight (he skimmed over all this very quickly because even bringing attention to his size made him uncomfortable).
I think his eating habits developed from being used to what his mom feeds him (large portions, lots of junk) and maybe comfort/stress eating too. Currently he is around 275lbs and 5'9, which doesn't consist of much muscle. Regardless, I see him as absolutely beautiful inside and out, but some things concern me pertaining to his health. For example, he can't walk a slightly inclined block without losing his breath, he deals with fatigue (constantly falls asleep after mid-day), and it hurts him emotionally as he sometimes complains that he's "so fucking fat" and puts his appearance down. On top of everything, I fear he'll eventually develop health problems from his excessive weight.
I know he wants to lose the weight but has never actively tried out of self-doubt, and I don't know how to bring up that I want to help (I myself went from 200 lbs to 140lbs, and therefore have some tips and ideas) because I'm scared I'll hurt his feelings and make him feel worse about himself. He knows I love him, and he knows I think he's beautiful, but he doesn't know that I at all care about his weight. | Boyfriend is unhealthily overweight, I'm scared for him, but he's sensitive and I don't know how to bring up that I want to help him. |
t3_1a5p81 | relationships | Should I[F20] tell my SO[M24] that his (ex-)roommates brother likes me? | Relationship; 2 years
I met his (ex-)roommates brother [M27] on a birthday of one of my SO's friends about a year ago. We got along well, talked the whole evening, while my SO was socializing with his friends. We didn't talk much after that, until another birthday. He added me on facebook. We talked a bit more via chat but nothing in particular. Last saturday we had another party where I ended up in another conversation with him. This time about school and stuff and he told me he knew someone who could help me out. Fast forward to today he started chatting that I should add that person on FB so I could ask questions. Conversation went on and it came up with that my SO was a lucky man with me etcetera. He asked what my SO thought of him being so nice to me. I replied with that he thought that he was a bit too nice but he knew he wouldn't try anything because it's just a good guy trying to make more friends.
He then went on about he thought I was so attractive and that he's REALLY into me and was really jealous of my SO. And that I was so nice, sweet, caring and much more stuff like that. But my point here is; should I tell my SO about this? He knows this guy for a pretty long time and I think he kinda feels that vibe too. But now he expressed it I don't know what to do with it. I don't react on his actions in any way, just to be clear! | (ex-)roommates brother told me he's REALLY into me. My SO felt the vibe already but I don't know if I should tell him. Maybe it would make things only awkward between them. |
t3_2sh9lm | relationships | [Relationship] I still have feelings for my ex, I don't know how/if I should tell my current boyfriend. | I'm using the mobile app and I don't know how to flair, so I did it in the title.
My boyfriend (m) and I (f) are both 18. We've been together for almost 8 months. My ex (m) is 20 now.
We dated for a year and a half, our relationship ended in January of last year. We had a long distance relationship and he cheated on me 9 months into it. Before this happened, everything was great, but after, it was terrible. We broke up for a month but then got back together. Constant fighting until March when I finally ended it for good.
He had a bad relationship with my family and friends after he cheated on me. I guess what I'm trying to get at is he is not the best, and I don't know why, but I felt so loved by him (when I'm not thinking about him holding another girl). He is also the first person I had sex with. He is much bigger than me physically and is a dominant type.
My current boyfriend is amazing and I love him very much. He's been helping me through depression and other things even before we started dating. He's open to new things, but is not very dominant. I'm mostly submissive so I do a lot regarding initiating things in the bedroom. My boyfriend has a great relationship with my family and friends. We've had sex, but I can't help feeling that it's so different than with my ex. My boyfriend is about the same size as me (he is 5'5" I'm 5') pretty skinny. It's different. I get that it will be, he's a different person, but at times I miss that feeling of being small in someone's arms.
My ex and I no longer have any contact with each other and haven't for the last 6 months. I know I shouldn't have feelings for him still, but I do. I don't think it's love. It feels more towards longing and missing but the love is gone. I don't understand it, but that's how it feels. | I have feelings of longing for my ex, but I've been in a relationship for 8 months. I don't know whether to tell him or not nor how I would tell him. |
t3_32lxc4 | relationship_advice | [M/23 & F/22 of 8 months] Had a serious conversation about our future, and now I'm [m] worried. | We both attend the same university and met here, but I am graduating in a few weeks, and she has to complete one more year. The stress levels have been extremely high lately, and so has the busy-ness for us, so there has been a lack of really hanging out. Our relationship was at the point of talking about marriage, and future beyond that, but has cease to exist lately. When we had seen each other the past few times, we argued over the most mundane things.
Today we both had time for a chance at sexy-time. When she came over, It felt like she didnt want to be there. I tell her that, and we eventually start talking about whats wrong. I had been feeling a little lonely lately and told her that, but I get over those bouts in about a day or two. Since she is starting student teaching next year, she thinks we will see each other even less. She has this thought in the back of her mind that if we try to stay together through it all, we'll end up fighting through a break-up. But it's also because she doesnt know what to expect with her final year.
After some more talking and thinking, we agreed to keep trying, as this is the first road block in our relationship, and theyre bound to happen. I dont want her to leave me, but I know that she's worried we'll fight all the time with the added stress.
We did manage to have sexy-time and cuddle for a bit, and then everything was *normal*. Me, being the sensitive type, cant help but dwell over what is going to happen. How can I 'fix' it, or what can I say? | GF has me worried that we might break up in the near future because of arguments increasing due to increased stressed. I feel the opposite, but now dwell over the thoughts. |
t3_52462y | relationships | My bf(M27) is unemployed but not doing much about it. | My boyfriend of almost 4 years has lost his job in February and since then has had no stable income. We have had to move back to my mothers house which is stressing me out to the moon and back due to her hoarding and the house being an hour away from the city. I'm 22F and still studying but also taking any and all temp jobs just to get some income.
My boyfriend seems to literally not do anything - he checks LinkedIn for jobs every couple of days and occasionally sweeps the bedroom floor (he cooks dinner every couple of days which is a plus though) but other than that he is just sitting in front of his computer playing games. I think he is completely demotivated due to lack of work/income but he doesn't seem to be doing anything about it, saying he will start really checking for jobs tomorrow/on Monday/next week or whatever.
How can I motivate him to work harder on finding a job, especially because he is rigid about his salary and won't take a job 'beneath him'. I am struggling and stressing here and need him to step up. Any advice how to gently push him to work harder on finding a job without making him feel like less of a man? | My bf(27M) is demotivated and not looking for a job so I (22F) need help to push him a little. |
t3_44itzo | relationships | My [25 F] debilitating anxiety ruins my relationships. How can I overcome this, and let my partners know about it in a way that doesn't cause them to run for the hills? | I have always had anxiety, but I've noticed that my anxiety exponentially increases when I'm dating. When seeing a guy, even after seeing him many times, my mind goes blank- I become meek and shy, and I am not fun to be around. I sound stupid and just become overwhelmed by the anxiety, and by the end of the night I've shut down. I've tried deep breathing but my mind is still on overload. Sometimes I'll "ride" the anxiety and become overly enthusiastic and my mind will race out loud when I'm talking to the guy. My poor behavior makes me feel bad and thus I become evasive about scheduling plans and stuff.
I thought about it and I think the root of it as it relates to dating, is that I'm very worried about rejection. I feel like every sentence that comes out of my mouth is "wrong" - based on feedback I've gotten on sites like this and in person, like "saying things like I miss you will scare him away" or "don't talk about your problems- be vulnerable - but don't tell him why he shouldn't date you."
I'm otherwise a normal person and I do like myself. I just feel like this anxiety is ruining my life.
Things I've tried unsuccessfully:
* regular yoga
* breathing
* meditation
My problem I think is from my underlying mentality of fear of walking on eggshells given the negative feedback I've gotten about how I act. Can someone please help me overcome this? Also, how can I share my anxiety problem with a partner without scaring him away? | Can someone please help me overcome this? Also, how can I share my anxiety problem with a partner without scaring him away? |
t3_4tj8ul | relationship_advice | [27f]Is it possible to hook up with a friend [27m] and have a successful relationship after? | To elaborate, do you think adults that are close are destined to not work out if they hook up or date? A close friend of mine admitted that although he has thought about us hooking up on multiple occasions (but circumstances prevented it), he would be too afraid to now because we are so close and his dating track record would indicate that this may end with the loss of a friendship.
I've heard some friends say his fear makes sense & others say it's a cop out. My gut tells me that if he wasn't actually interested he wouldn't have admitted to having those desires before. But I'm conflicted. Any input would be great. | friend admitted he has considered us hooking up but is scared to ruin the friendship. I can't tell if that is legitimate or a bunk excuse. |
t3_g0ybi | AskReddit | My dad only knows how to show love by giving money. I just returned a $4000 birthday check back to him. Did I do the right thing? | I'm a grown adult man, living several states away from my father. He's in his 60's, but he is active and travels the entire world. He raised me alone after my family split up when I was a child, but he was always just sort of emotionally checked-out. He moved out of state to pursue a relationship as soon as I turned 18. I have visited him several times over the years since then.
Every year for my birthday, I typically get a $100-200 check from him. This year, my brother and I both got much bigger birthday checks from him, probably because my brother just spawned some kids of his own recently and, because he's being more generous to them now, he wants to give me the same amount to be fair.
So a few days ago I got a check from him for $4000. This would have been enormously helpful right now, no lie. But here's the thing. I've been trying to get him to come visit me for several years now. He manages to travel across the US and overseas, but he keeps giving me BS reasons for not visiting me. He isn't mad at me, and he's a good guy, he just seems to have other priorities. He treats my siblings the same way.
I took the unexpectedly large check as an opportunity to bludgeon my point home in a hopefully unforgettable way, so I mailed it back yesterday with a note saying I'd rather he pay me a visit. And just to pound the point home one more way, I enclosed a $20 bill and indicated that it should go toward financing his trip out here (although he obviously would not need it). | Reddit, if my dad only knows how to show love towards his family by giving money, should I just take the money? |
t3_1zlg61 | relationship_advice | I [18/m] do/say most things to make my girlfriend [18/f] happy because it genuinely makes me happy, but it makes me feel like our relationship isn't real. | First off let me clear up that I never ever lie to her. I tell her I love her because I love her. Period. I could write a book on how much she means to me, but that *could* be the problem. I love and care about her so much that I don't always speak my mind on things. For example: * me: wanna hang out tonight?
* her: of course!
* me: great! I'm on my way
* her: good! But just a warning, I'm really tired(or I have a lot of homework or I don't feel well ect.) so I might not be much fun
* what I *want* to say: well screw that. I want to actually hang out with you and have conversations with you, not watch you sleep or do homework
* what I actually say: No that's fine! I understand. Cant wait to see you!
I do this because I want her to be happy because I care about her a lot. I know I can tell her anything but some of my thoughts and ideas would more than likely make her upset.
here's a kind of | me speaking my mind, her being not happy=me being not happy **or** me saying what makes her happy, me feeling like I'm not being honest with her=me not happy |
t3_1nck8j | relationship_advice | Boyfriend[26M] took photos of half naked girls at a house party and I'm[24F] not sure how to feel about it. | So my boyfriend, of a few months, is in the Air Force and has told me on many occasions that the girls in the Air Force tend to be a bit risqué, to put it nicely. I mean to offend no one by that, I personally do not know any women in the Air Force and am sure that they are not all like this, but this is just the way that my boyfriend has described them to me.
Anyways, he is away for training in a different state and last night(first weekend of training at a new base) he went to a house party with people in his class. I guess that through the course of the night several of the girls decided to start taking their clothes off, I'm sure being provoked and encouraged by several of the guys. Apparently they were dancing and doing other lewd things with each other. And my boyfriend watched, which I'm not really mad about. The thing that really got me was that he took pictures of them. I asked why and his response was that everyone else was. I asked him to delete them because I am not comfortable with it and he seemed reluctant, but eventually deleted them(or at least said that he did).
Now, I'm not sure how to feel about this. Part of me is angry and hurt that he would take pictures of girls in their bras and underwear. And I feel sort of disrespected that he sat there and watched them half naked for a half hour or so. Or perhaps I should just let it go and move on since he has told me that he deleted the pictures. I am just looking for advice on how to deal with this situation. If I'm making too big of a deal out of it and this is just something that any guy would do in the given situation or if it seems as messed up as I think that it is. | Looking for advice on how to deal with my boyfriend taking pictures of other half naked girls and watching them prance around for a half hour. |
t3_jg7t8 | AskReddit | So Reddit, tell me a story about how something got blown way out of proportion, mine happened today. | My job requires me to go to courthouses and look up people in the public access area for criminal records, no big deal.
As I was finishing up my work for the day in the courthouse, I do my daily call to my boss. So I walk to the cell phone area where the call drops twice. I found it to be weird, so I raised my phone up - the old fashioned way - to try to get service.
At this point, a court sheriff stops me and asks "Why are you taking pictures?" Now, I have an iphone, so my headphones are in my ears and the phone is lifted up. I explain to her, "I lost service, I'm trying to make a call."
She then grabs my phone while I'm talking to my boss and says she needs to take my phone and calls for backup. At this point, 3 other sheriffs come to her aid as I'm just confused as fuck.
Now, I know you're not supposed to give yourself up to officers and talk to them, but I didn't take any pictures and the only embarrassing pics I have on my phone are of a group of friends stacking a bunch of shit on top of a drunken passed out friend. So I figure, why not waste their time.
The sheriff who stopped me, having no idea how to use an iphone asked me to access the camera. I show her my most recent picture - a picture I accidentally took a few days ago of the sidewalk and my shirt outside my house. She then states in front of the other officers, "See, you're taking pictures!"
I then laugh and explain that the shirt I'm wearing looks nothing like the shirt in the picture, and unless the courthouse floors are made out of concrete, there is no way you can mistake the picture for inside of the courthouse.
Meanwhile, I'm put in holding for about 20 minutes as they ask me who my boss is, what the phone number for the company I work for is, the address of where I work, and to give them my license.
Finally, I'm given my license back and left to go finish my work. | Today, I was detained at a courthouse, surrounded by four cops, for trying to get a signal on my phone. Fuck you Verizon. |
t3_2l2ttt | relationship_advice | Was I [20/m] just being abused? | My partner (sort-of) just made me do something non-sexual that I was uncomfortable with. I don't want to say because I feel really weird about it. After I had, I panicked, feeling sick and terrified, and she told me I was overreacting and got annoyed with me. She told me all the reasons why I shouldn't have reacted like this (which, to be fair, were all valid) and then refused to hug me or kiss me or anything. I apologised for overreacting and she just shrugged it off. She then left to go and visit a friend.
A few minutes later, she asked me to come to where she and the friend where, and when I said I didn't want to leave my room for a bit she said we weren't eating together tonight (which we do every day).
I feel like it's my fault that she's annoyed at me, and that had I not made such a big deal out of it she wouldn't be annoyed. It probably wasn't something that many people would make a big deal out of, but I really didn't want to do it, and only did so because she would have been annoyed had I not done it. Had I done it and she comforted me straight away, I would have also probably been fine after a few minutes, but the more she got annoyed at me for overreacting the more vulnerable and used I felt. She didn't do anything to indicate that she wanted to help me or make me feel comfortable, but was just annoyed that I was uncomfortable when she didn't think I should be.
Is this abusive behaviour? I'm so scared and confused, and feel so dirty and like I'm going to be sick. But like I said, it probably wouldn't have been a big deal at all for most people to do, and I don't really know why I feel so weird about doing it, or have a good reason to feel weird about it. What should I do? | made to do something I was uncomfortable with, then told off for overreacting when upset by it. Don't know if this is abusive. |
t3_lqc18 | AskReddit | Found child porn on date's computer. Help? | I've had an OkCupid account for a couple months now. Met a guy who lives about an hour away who's a 40 year old PhD student (I'm 20). Anyhow, we had a successful date, and after an extended period of witty emails/texts/phone calls, we agreed that I'd spend the night at his place. He picked me up, we went back to his apartment and had dinner, etc.
At some point, he mentioned that he loved a UK tv show by the name of "The Mighty Boosh," but that he had a hard time finding streaming episodes online. I had my laptop with him, so he gave me his wifi password and I torrented the three seasons for him.
In the morning, he gave me his USB drive so I could copy the files from my laptop. I created a folder called "new folder" and copied the files into it. While they were in the process of copying, I accidentally bumped the laptop and unsafely ejected the USB drive. When I re-inserted it, I used my mac search utility to search for "new folder" on the USB drive.
A couple results showed up, and I clicked one. Suddenly, a stash of child porn. I'd say 13 pictures in total. Then, in a subfolder of that folder, another folder with more pictures that looked like child porn. None of these photos looked like they'd been taken by him, they looked like things he'd pulled off the internet. I looked at the image properties for one of the original 13 photos, it says the files were created in 1996.
I copied the entire flashdrive's contents to my computer because I was about to go back home, and I didn't want to bring it up and then get stranded in a strange city with no way of getting back and little/no cash.
Should I say something? Do something? Help, reddit. | I stayed over at a guy's house, and while copying files to his USB drive accidentally opened a folder of child porn. |
t3_ey3xx | relationship_advice | Question for fellow 'Other guy' or 'Other girl' folks out there. | I've been friends with a girl for a while. I've wanted to be with her for most of that, but she's had a boyfriend the whole time (year and a half now, give or take). After deciding I'd hate myself for not giving it a shot, she is now cheating on her S.O. with me. I could sit here all day and say that I never intended it to go so far, but it has.
Of course, there's different kinds of cheating. It's about a month now since we had sex for the first time, about two months since we first kissed, and about 3 since started getting very close ('emotionally cheating', if that is a fair term to use).
So.. If anyone else has been in the same situation I'm in now (as this is new for me), how did it end up? How long did it last? For what it's worth, it's very apparent that neither of us are *just* in it for the sex. I'd still love to be with her. It's just slightly starting to wear on me that she's still with her boyfriend. I guess I'm a pussy for not straight up asking her to leave him, right? | I'm the 'other guy' for a girl who is cheating on her boyfriend, for a couple months now. Am I crazy for still wanting to be with her? She's making it tough not to.. |
t3_3yznyy | relationships | How do i [21 M] get over my ex gf [20 F] of 2 1/2 years, we decided that we weren't gonna work out and now i'm stuck thinking only about the good times and none of the bad ones even though our relationship was really rough. | our relationship was really rough. without going into detail, we are just way to different. and about 1 year out of the relationship was us arguing, fighting, me wishing constantly wondering if it was worth it etc. Now that we finally decided that it was over, she's all i think about and i feel horrible. i want her back so badly, i miss her so much. and i find myself only thinking of the good times we had, and none of the bad.
we still text and talk. and i sound horrible. i constantly sit by my phone waiting for her texts. i text things that make me sound like a needy little kid. i read old texts from her from the past years. i look at some of her old things....how do i not do this? i understand that my brain is doing this, and that the minute i get back with her i will be miserable again just like most of our relationship was but how do i get rid of this pain that i feel? this feeling i have of needing her? how do i remind myself of all the crappy times went through? shes literally been all i think about since we broke up 3 days ago. | broke up with my gf after a rough relationship, brain has convinced me 99% that i need her back and i cant stop thinking about her, even though i know that our relationship was mostly bad times and we would never work out |
t3_29rl6v | relationships | Update:Me [23F] with my husband [25M] married two years, I can't bring myself to do certain sexual acts. (NSFW) | Link to first post: [original](
This is actually a sort of happy update. My husband is becoming more aware of what I am comfortable with and not. Therapy has been useful. I've been diagnosed with PTSD from the abuse and with Bi-Polar Disorder.
It is still a long road ahead of me, and my husband. I still have occasional freak outs when he pressures me, or gropes me in public. (I honestly, truly hate that.) It's not easy talking about things, but our communication is improving. I've been doing a lot of research on my conditions and learning healthy ways of coping.
I don't know if I will ever be able to give oral or be okay with touching. I hope after being therapy for more than a couple of months, my fears won't be as severe. I am meeting with my general practice doctor to get put on mood stabilizers, which I am hoping will help with the anger and lashing out when he does put a little more pressure on me.
So that's all I have, [r/relationships] Thank you. | I'm in therapy twice a month, been diagnosed with PTSD and Bi-Polar Disorder. Communication is improving, he's not pressuring me as much but we still have a long way to go. |
t3_x0aww | relationship_advice | [17/M] My crush [17/F] just cussed me out for something. | Backstory: I have been liking this girl since middle school, and haven't really gotten up the courage to ask her out. I have gotten to know her, and we text regularly. She had just recently asked me to go with her to see the new Dark Knight Rises movie, but it wasn't what she called a date, because we went with a lot of people.
Problem: So today I was trying to ask her out, and set up a double-date with my friend and his girlfriend. My plans quickly went to shambles, because of her work schedule. Like any gentleman out there, I preceded to then ask her how her day was, and how she was doing. She told me that she was going to get a haircut, and that a lot was going to get cut off. This is one of those girls where their hair is one of their assets, and I love how she pulls off this mane. I was with my best friend at the time and he told me to reply with, "Gross, I like a girl with long hair." She then lashed out and started saying "Fuck you" and saying how this hair was going to one of her friends that has cancer, and how she wants to do the right thing. I quickly and utterly apologized for what I said and turned it around, asking for a picture after it was cut. She asked why, and told me that she would look ugly in my eyes. Anyway, this is the first time she has really cussed me out, and I think this would put a damper on our future relationship, if she is willing to go out with me. Any advice on how to fix this, or stop this from happening. | Future girlfriend cussed me out, for the first time, over how I didn't like how her hair was going to be cut. |
t3_2q5l9e | offmychest | Relocating and freaking out | So a little background on me I currently live in Puerto Rico and I'm 28 and after some time in the US army and a brutal divorce I finally got my life together and last year finally finished my undergrad and applied for a masters program in the US more specifically Miami for January. I was shocked I got in honestly and my long term girlfriend encouraged me to go, so I took it. We agreed to work through it long distance because she's a journalist and has a good job. She might move with me later on as she explores her options. Anyway I'm getting sidetracked, so i got some money saved up and stuff but not nearly enough so I'm working with a very limited budget and I'm looking for a apartments (I've been tried to be scammed three times by now) looking up vehicles and stuff. Worst of all the flight I got with JetBlue doesn't allow guinea pigs, and I've had her for almost two years now and I can't take her with me and she needs me badly cuz she is blind... So for the time being I'm arranged to have her stay with some family till I can go get her in the summer. All this planning and the uncertainty of everything and the thought of doing it all alone is seriously freaking me out. I've been having panic attacks almost weekly now. Here's the funny thing enlisting was easy, getting on the plane for boot camp was easy as hell, getting deployed wasn't easy but it still didn't bother me as much as this. This is nerve wrecking and I'm constantly freaking out. | relocating for grad school in January and leaving everything behind my SO, my guinea pig, everything and it's just overwhelming and downright frightening. |
t3_2u4j84 | relationships | Me [42 M] with my wife [43F] 15 years - rocky marriage and she has a crush on a coworker | Try to keep this brief. She's the love of my life. A great mother and up until the last couple years, a great wife. She's depressed and won't go see a doctor about it. I know that's what it is. She FINALLY admitted that she's not happy with herself, with our relationship, about a month ago. Talked about not knowing if she wanted to seperate, said she did want to see a therapist, also said she has feelings for someone. Pretty sure I know who. I know she hasn't cheated for reasons that I won't get into to so I don't give myself away in case she sees this.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm glad she admitted that she's unhappy and wants to go see a therapist but she hasn't made an appointment yet. She's making other life changes that will most definitely change her mindset for the better (regular exercise) but I just don't know how to get her to go to a doctor. I told her that I was so glad she's finally talking about it a little and that I want her/us to be happy and healthy. Told her right then that I'd love to try marriage counseling because it could help teach us to communicate better. She said she wanted to try counseling for herself first. So here we are, my mind is spinning. I love her but don't want to live much longer like this. We have two great kids that I worry more about than anything else. I love them so much and I want them to grow up in a loving home with BOTH their parents. As time goes on though, I don't know if that's possible.
Anyone with similar stories, I'd really like to hear them and how they turned out. I'm at my wits end and not sure how to proceed. More than anything I want this to work. Not just for my kids but because I truly love my wife. | wife is depressed, has crush on someone, I want to make things work but she won't take initial steps to start therapy. |
t3_397hls | Advice | How do I deal with social media impersonators? | So to give a little back-story:
For the past year and a half or so, I started getting texts from random guys trying to "hook up". Being a completely heterosexual male, not only was I not interested, but also incredibly irritated. Ever since it started, I've gotten tons of texts usually happening every couple of weeks or so. Some of them tell me that someone on Omegle gave them the number, and more recently, some of them have been telling me that they talked to me on Grindr. The more recent ones have even sent me copies of my "profile pictures" which are pictures of me from my facebook that are set to private. I know someone is screwing with me, but it's aggravating and it's not any of my actual friends. I've tried talking to some of the people to find out more about how they got my information, or more about the person they talked to and they dodge my questions and push the sex issue. Even after repeatedly telling some of them I'm not interested, they will continue to text me. I'm at the end of my wits trying to figure out a solution to this and I just want to go back to having a quiet peaceful life without getting hit on by thirsty gay guys every day. I'm not homophobic, just tired of being harassed. Any suggestions or help are appreciated. | Every man in my area wants my D, but I don't like the D, nor do I even want to try the D. Unless it's Sunny D. |
t3_ordxt | AskReddit | Am I being abused? | My husband is passive aggressive. He'll never actually gets angry. Instead he quietly seeths. If something happens that he doesn't like, he'll either belittle, or act out physically. He's never actually hit me, but he'll do weird things.
An example, I was in bed working in photoshop (graphic design) He walks in and wants to go to bed. Instead of asking me and waiting for me to get up/save/shutdown, he sits on my legs (He's 6ft 300lbs) and shuts my laptop off. I'm yelling at him to get up, and he just sits there. He sat on me for about a minute while I was writhing in pain trying to get from under him.
Another example: he used to be really mean to our dog (we no longer have him) He'd pick him up by the nape of the neck and throw him into his kennel, and then turn the kennel upside down. So one night he was trying to get him to sit. Doggy wasn't sitting. He starts yelling at him. I go over to him and tell him to leave him alone. He pushes me and I almost fall over. I was 30 weeks pregnant.
This kind of thing happens every couple of months. He never really talks to me about how he's feeling. He can't handle confrontation. So instead he turns his anger inward and acts out. It's so strange. I'm left confused wondering wtf I did to be treated this way. Or is this normal behavior? I have no fucking clue. I want to say it's abuse, but at the same time the situation is so weird and the shit he does can hardly be classified as abusive. I just don't know. | Passive aggressive husband that has pushed me, and pinned me down multiple times. Not sure if it's abuse or just.. I don't know. |
t3_2y38z4 | legaladvice | Apartment may have mildew, and I'm afraid my landlord won't do anything about it. (ID) | My apartment flooded during super heavy rain on August 6, 2014. My landlord had a restoration clean up the water and got the carpet replaced. The baseboards apparently checked out to be dry, but only 1 wall actually got checked for moisture, versus the whole house that was affected. My kitchen area wasn't tested at all, although it was the room that had 4-5 inches of standing water.
My house has always smelled humid/mildewy and I've started to notice it more lately. I've also gotten sick quite a bit to the point that I've had to miss work twice within the last 3-4 months when I used to miss work once a year when I lived elsewhere.
The house has very poor ventilation. The only ventilation I have is either 1) an open window or 2) my bathroom fan that's in poor condition. The house is heated by electric baseboards.
I just called my landlord about it and she said, "my family has been getting sick more often this winter too." That's not my issue here... She said she would get it checked out but I know that another tenant had issues with mold and got into a big legal fight with the landlord (I found out about this about a month after I moved in).
If the problem isn't resolved, I want to move out as soon as possible. I absolutely can't miss work again, as I'm the only one in the office with nobody to cover my sick days. The problem is that my lease was signed to be a year, so it isn't up until August (then it goes to a month-to-month term). If I get out of the lease early, I lose my deposit of $350.
If I do move out, should I bother trying to get my deposit back and how do I go about that (legally), or should I forget about it? | apartment flooded, house smells like mildew and I get sick a lot. How do I get my deposit back if I end the lease early, or should I not even bother for $350? |
t3_1xf0a4 | relationships | When (or should) you disclose FWBs to each other? [m24] [f23] [f22] | I have a friend, we'll call her Anna. Anna and I have been in a FWB thing for a while, which we explicitly defined as nonmonogamous. Lately there hasn't been a lot of sex, just mostly cuddle dates, makeout sessions and movie nights. It's nice.
recently, I got a little more physically intimate with an old friend from college, Karen. I told Anna that I was hanging out with Karen, but not specifically what we were doing, and I've elected to not tell Karen about Anna at all, as it's supremely obvious that she wants nothing more than a FWB setup. My friend Jezebel takes issue with this, and thinks I'm being deceitful by not telling both of them the whole story. I disagree; I think that's what FWBs are for, and I don't want to know a single thing about the guys either Anna or Karen are doing stuff with unless its a danger to my health or they get into a relationship.
After a month of hanging out, Karen just told me she has been in a complicated, open relationship with her boyfriend for a couple years now. I'm surprised and a little frustrated this hadn't come up sooner; though it doesnt really change how I feel about the situation, I feel like being in a relationship with someone is a whole nother level of commitment that should be mentioned to all parties involved.
I texted Jezebel, hoping for a little commiseration, but she basically said I deserved it given that I hadn't told Anna or Karen that I was having sex with both of them.
Am I crazy? Am I being deceitful? I'm not trying to lead anyone on, but I don't want to bring this up to either of them when they can rationally assume it's happening since we aren't even close to being monogamous. It just feels like I'm throwing "I'm fucking some other chick" in their face, which is a little ridiculous considering I haven't had full on sex with Anna in a month and I've only had sex with Karen once. | Do you have an obligation to tell FWBs about each other, and do you have an obligation to tell your FWBs if you're in an open relationship? |
t3_1xwzhf | relationships | Me[22F] feel insecure about my boyfriend's[22M] feelings about his ex. | I've made a throwaway to discuss this in case he knows my reddit account.
I've always been insecure about him talking to his exes, but we both do it since it's a fairly small town and both of us were friends with our exes before dating, so I try not to let it bother me. Once when we were drinking, I asked him if he could stop talking to them for me, and I would stop talking to mine.
I hate to be that girlfriend and ask something like that, but it's the way I felt. He told me they were his friends, and he could talk to them about the things of his I'm not interested in, like books and medicine.
I'll admit that I'm not his smartest girlfriend. All of his past exes were college or university students, and I'm just a single mother who doesn't do much but clean around the house and watch TV occasionally.
There's one ex in particular that's been bugging me. We were having drinks at home one night when he started seeming a bit sad. After some prodding, he told me about his most recent ex.
Me and my boyfriend were friends before we started dating. I knew he was seeing someone, and one night at the bar, we were sitting around with friends and he was quiet, another friend asked him what was wrong, and he said he broke up with his girlfriend, it was his doing, and he felt awful about it.
Shortly after that we started seeing one another.
8 months later, he kept in touch with that ex, and he still feels awful about breaking up with her. He said she started doing drugs, and drinking everyday. She wound up getting stuck in an abusive relationship, and he said he feels responsible for it.
I didn't know how to respond to him after he said it was his fault, so the conversation ended.
Am I wrong for feeling bad about this? Should he care about her like he does? | Boyfriend feels like exes mistakes are his fault for breaking up with her, and it bugs me because I feel like that means he still cares for her. |
t3_3wq3vk | relationships | Me [19 F] felt something strange with this guy in my class [19 M] winter break is coming and I dont know what to do? | Okay so one day in one of my college classes, I randomly started talking to this really gorgeous guy. I had already talked to a few people in that class, but I felt something strange with this guy. We just randomly started talking about the upcoming test and about how the how much the online homework sucks, and somehow the conversation quickly led to me talking about my cousin, living in England, who was having a mental breakdown. I don't know how the conversation even got me there, I normally don't talk to people about my extended family unless I'm drunk.
That night I couldn't stop thinking about him. It was all so immediate. I haven't even felt that way, that quickly about my previous crushes and boyfriends. I've dated really sweet, good looking guys before who never made me feel like this. The next few times in class, we just chatted to each other about stuff that was going on in the class. He was laughing at all of my jokes and everything. Once I came to class stoned and I told him I was high, and he was just laughing and talking about how much he loves weed and we talked about a show we both enjoyed. We would just talk to each other and he seems to find me pretty funny.
When he helps me with my homework, sometimes he seems to just invade my personal space without thinking about it. when we touch elbows or feet, he doesnt move away. This whole thing is very strange. I got his number so I could get homework help, but he never tries to contact me or anything.
I don't know what this even is. I was dating a guy at the time I met him for about 2 months, and he never made me feel this way. What is even going on here? Why do I feel this way? Now that winter break is rolling in, what should I do about all of this? AM I GOING CRAZY?!? | I felt this strange connection with a guy in my class after one conversation. What is even going on here? What should I do about this? |
t3_t2qz8 | AskReddit | I was invited to my high school crushes' house - and still managed to cockblock myself - what are your worst (or best) examples of self cockblocking? | This was about 5 years ago, I was a junior in HS. I had known this girl, X, for as long as I could remember. In elementary school our parents made us hang out, and by middle school I developed a romantic interest in her. I had other crushes and relationships, but she was always in the back of my mind when the dust settled. Eventually by early HS X and her girl group of friends and my guy group of friends would hang out every now and then. It was actually quite lame, this is before we drank so we would just talk and stuff. But I really started liking her again. Eventually, I gave up, dated another girl and forgot about her for about a year. After that relationship ended, I decided to focus on my studies. So one Friday night, X calls me out of the blue and says hey do you want to come over and watch a movie? Because I had totally dismissed any chance of sexual conquest with X due to years (literally most of my life) of her never seeming interested, I just assumed that she really wanted to watch a movie. So I called one of my guy friends who was having a hard time even talking to girls and asked him if he wanted to come with me, thinking it would help him relate to girls a bit. So me and my friend show up at X's house, and she has that classic "are you friggen serious face" on. We go into the TV room, all sit on the couch as far apart as we can be, I'm pretty sure under 10 words are spoken, then after the movie me and my friend leave. A few months later one of my other guy friends hooks up with her and I realize that she was looking for action and that I missed my opportunity. Luckily I'm finally over her, but damn I was stupid. | Longtime crush invites me over to watch movie, I am conditioned to assume there are no sexual connotations, I bring a guy friend to house, awkward as fuck, later find out she was looking to hook up |
t3_1rfr7a | relationships | I have feelings for my (28m) friend with benefits (23f). She just started dating a new guy. Help! | We were in a relationship for about 3 months over a year ago. At the time I was going through some person problems and she had some issues with her ex still and we broke up mutually and on good terms. She got back with her ex and was with him until almost 3 months ago when she broke up with him for the 3rd or 4th time.
About two month ago she hits me up to go get some drinks. We end up sleeping together. She started hitting me up almost every few days, usually late at night for booty calls. This continued for a almost two weeks until we started going out to dinner and spending real time together too.
She had made it crystal clear that we were not in a relationship and that she wants to be single for a while. We were very open about it. She showed me her Tinder (dating app) and I showed her my Okcupid. So a little over a week ago I went on a date with some other girl and I had told her about it. She told me a few days ago that she was jealous. I realized I was having feelings for my FWB so I found an excuse not to see the other girl anymore and told my FWB about it thinking she'd be relieved.
She then told me that she planned a date herself for Saturday because I had. I tried to play it off like I didn't care and she was even talking to me about how she wasn't sure if she wanted to do it now but she didn't want to be a flake.
I asked her yesterday "How did it go?" And her response was "Pretty well :/" It made my heart sink.
I don't know what to do now. I can't sit around and slowly be phased out for a new exciting guy. Should I tell her how I feel even though I know she doesn't want a relationship? Should I back off completely to spare myself the pain? | I grew feelings for my FWB. She just started dating a new guy and I'm scared I will be on the way out. What should I do? |
t3_4n2a09 | relationships | How do I[20/M] go about telling my life long friend [20/M] that its time to make a life style change when it comes to his eatting habits. | Hello Reddit, I was hoping that you can help solve a serious issue regarding me and my close friends. Currently in our group of friends there is about 7 of us, we are all really close and have been friends for over 5 years(some of us more). Well in our friend group we have 2 friends that are very overweight (about 300+ pounds currently). The rest of us are in good health and we are beginning to worry about the health of our overweight friends. We want them to be around for a long time and we care about their health and well being. The thing is we don't know how to go about telling our friends that we think they should lose weight. We never done this before and quite honeslty we don't if we should? We want to tell them but we don't know if that'll be considered rude. And even if we do tell them how do we go about telling someone that they need to start caring me about their weight? I was hoping some one could please give me some guidance on what to do.
Thanks for you time! | Friend is extremely overweight, how to go about telling him that it's time to change his eatting habits and lose weight. |
t3_1bk7sr | relationships | My [20M] girlfriend [20] wants to break up because the sex isn't great. | I know this is a pretty common subject, but I wanted to ask a question more specific to our relationship.
So we've been together for a few years and we've always had one problem - she couldn't orgasm.
We both know that it's harder for women and that they usually achieve it through clitoral stimulation first and it's not uncommon for women not to orgasm vaginally until they're 30+ and that a lot don't at all.
When we were first together we were both a bit worried about it and looked into it abit, I personally, after a year or so thought we'd accepted that we'd tried all we could and that it would come with time. I didn't realise that she was frustrated over it still.
She doesn't masturbate and generally finds any clitoral stimulation uncomfortable... a big issue I know. She has it in her head that she can't go through her whole life without experiencing an orgasm. She seems to think that I can't give it to her. We're only 20 though... I think she has some kind of romanticised and unrealistic view about the whole situation.
The fact that she told me she thinks she wants to break up simply to try this is pretty hard to accept.
I was wondering if some people could share their experiences - maybe some that have had wonderful relationships and never orgasmed in their life even. I know sex is an important aspect but she said her self that she still loves me, she's attracted to me, loves my personality - everything.
I don't really know where else to turn, please help me reddit... | girlfriend, imo, has an unrealistic view of orgasms in regards to women - hoping to find some anecdotes to help her understand that it isn't common for people so young. |
t3_2r123r | relationships | My [23 M] GF [20 F] of 3 months, thinks kissing and the like with other people is fine as long as it doesn't mean anything | My girlfriend texted me early this morning around 2AM that she and her friends (a bunch of drunk guys included) were going to play Truth or Dare. Since I was currently several hundred miles away from her I felt pretty apprehensive about it but I didn't want to ruin their fun, plus I trust her so I said I was fine with it.
Today she told me they only played for a few minutes before people started passing out due to the vast amounts of alcohol. I told her I was happy that was the case because I was nervous she might makeout with someone. She said I was overreacting and that "kissing and stuff like that is harmless if it doesn't mean anything, I would be fine if you made out with a girl if it didn't mean anything."
We're now having a big argument and I'm unsure of how to proceed. I really care for her but obviously we have vastly different opinions on this. I told her "I don't want to makeout with other girls" and rather than saying something along the lines of "don't worry, I'm not going to kiss other people if it makes you uncomfortable" she merely said "and it's ok for you to feel that way!"
Is this a bad sign that our relationship is doomed and that I should cut my losses and end it? | Girlfriend believes it's ok to kiss and whatnot with other people as long as it doesn't mean anything. I majorly disagree. |
t3_2zxbm3 | relationships | My [18f] Boyfriend [18m] and I both Cheated on Eachother? | We've been together for 10 months and early in our relationship he cheated and I forgave him and didn't break up with him. Today he found out I cheated during spring break and he wants to break up, but I think that's kind of hipocrytical since I stayed with him when he cheated. I think he owes it to me to give me another chance since I did for him. What's your opinions? He's ignoring me at the moment, but I'm thinking of writing an apology letter to him and in it I'll ask for him to meet me and talk about it before he just ends it? | My boyfriend is trying to break up with me for something that he did too. I don't want to break up. |
t3_1mv5lt | relationships | Me[21M] girlfriend[23F] 3 years, i may want to break up with her because she's poor..? :( | I'll make this short because I'm sure I could literally write a book on the details of this. Basically she has very abusive father and stepmother which led to other problems between my gf and I. The abuse stopped when she was a kid but their controlling ways remain.
We read a self help book to work things out the last thing it said was to confront them. Instead of waiting until she had some money saved up or on her two feet first she confronted them(about 6months ago) and they threw her out. She's been living at our old university now(living off federal aid and a bit of my aid) and is currently taking classes but still owes the school 8k in payments over the year...the next one is due in week. I ended up paying 2k to help her out back in june but that was more then enough so I stopped giving her money...i can't afford to keep forking over 2k.
She's never asked for my help and has been humble about it but our conversations are always about this stuff it's so tiring. Right after all this happened she said that this was a lot and actually offered to let me leave the relationship... of course i said i'd stay sometimes i regret saying that. I love her but this stress kills me I feel like i'm responsible for another person but this is not my fault? Right? she even said it's not my fault.
I just feel stress and guilt all around...I feel guilty when i don't give her money. I feel guilty when i think about breaking up with her and we had such a great relationship before this...i feel like if i did leave I'd feel guility about leaving her alone. She has no real friends, her family turned their back on her...i dont know what would become of her... Some people(not my gf) have been like why don't you just move out of your parents house and you get a place? How is that going to solve it? I'm trying to save money to prepare for my future...how is adding resentment on top of everything else going to fix anything :(....is it wrong to feel this way? what should i do? | gf kicked out of home by abusive parents, no real way to help her effectively without derailing my dreams and goals, should i breakup with her? |
t3_3zdbit | legaladvice | [USA, Chicago] Trying to transfer schools, convicted of Unlawful Weapon Use, and application asks criminal history. Story enclosed in post, any advise on handling it? | I am currently trying to transfer schools (Community college to state school), and was convicted of a UUW (Unlawful Use of Weapon) misdemeanor last November. The application asks for past convictions, and I am deciding on how to report this to the application.
The arrest incident happened in July 2014 as such: I was coming back from Wisconsin from my cousin's farm on my own (18 at the time), and was stopped for a minor traffic infraction. I comply with the officers that I possessed a weapon and ammo (Mosin-Nagant), and gave them my FOID card. The card was expired (unbeknownst to me, and I spent the next 16 hours in custody. I got a lawyer, and went through 3 states attorneys and multiple firearm-conviction laws changed within the time my case finished. After a year, my lawyer had gotten my conviction down to a misdemeanor and 40 hours of community service hours, instead of the 3 years and felony conviction. At this point, I am happy to have a misdemeanor rather than a felony, but I still have to explain the situation when asked by interviewers (such as my last job).
I would like to know what information the school would pull up if they were to review the situation, so that the information will not conflict what I (truthfully) report to the admissions reviewer. I do not wan them to believe that I USED any weapon unlawfully. Basically, I am asking for the best way about explaining the situation in an application. While I have explained it to my most recent employer, it was in person to the company owner. I am fearful that something will be lost in translation, and the school will believe that I have a violent history rather than expired legal ownership of recreational firearms. Also, I do have a document from my lawyer explaining the situation and denying any notion of past violence or violence in the incident, addressed to whomever, if that could be used to present myself better, given the conviction. | Looking for truthful way of best debriefing the situation given the conviction, and letting the school know that the arrest was not for violent history, but for an expired FOID card. |
t3_364tll | tifu | TIFU by discovering a Vine of my butt from 2 years ago that now has thousands of views | I was over my friends house in her shower (let me clarify that I'm also a girl) and she was outside talking to me. I opened the curtain and flashed my butt at her to get a good laugh/scare. I still don't know how she knew I was about to open the curtain, but she was ready and took a video of it. Needless to say I was really drunk that night, and when we watched it she said, "Omg you have to let me put this on Vine!" Of course I said, "Do it!" while laughing.
Well after quitting Vine and not really talking much to my friend I had no idea how popular it had gotten. Let's just say it has over 3k views and a ton of comments. Who knows how many of my friends have seen it as well. The worst is I also discovered you can pause a Vine whenever you want. So much for my theory: it's a little too fast to see. | Drunkenly let my friend put a video of my butt up on vine when I was showering, forgot about it for 2 years, rediscovered just recently with thousands of views. |
t3_3o3fmn | tifu | TIFU by going on a vacation to the astral plane and then blowing my party to kingdom come. [medium] | So this was actually a couple nights ago, the very first night of a new campaign being run by my buddy (Princes of the Apocalypse, 5e D&D if anyone is interested). I had rolled up a wild magic sorcerer, and while we were all building characters, the DM mentioned that it would be really wild if I got the first result on the wild surge table (which is 1 surge per round for 10 rounds).
So we get into a fight, and I'm casting a few spells, used Tides of Chaos to get advantage on an attack roll. Then the bard goes down. So I move over him and cast a dust devil on top of us to effectively blind anyone trying to attack him further. Plan was to the try to stablize him next round so he didn't bleed out. DM called for a wild surge, which because I had used Tides of Chaos earlier, goes straight to the surge table. What do I roll? Fucking 2, which means I get the 10 surges over ten rounds.
First one sends me to the astral plane, no helping the bard from outer space essentially lol. Second one? Astral plane again. At this point there are just these weird popping noises from inside the dust devil. Number 3? Self fireball. Fuck. Surges happen at the beginning of my turn and the astral travel wears off at the end of my next turn, so it only hurts me, but it was enough to knock me out and start me making death saves. Astral travel wears off and I'm back in the middle of the party, dust devil wore off (again FUCKING SPACE is a bit out of range for concentration lol) party all bunched up trying to help the bard. What wild surge do I get? ANOTHER FIREBALL LOL. Bard dies instantly, everyone else goes down. Next surge? Regain 2d10 hit points. | My sorcerer Athairas tries to help a friend, goes on vacation by accident, comes back after being apparently recruited by space ISIS, wakes up to see all his friends charred bodies around him. |
t3_1gmrz6 | dating_advice | Crazy or romantic? | I'm 21 and the girls 22. I've had this semi relationship with a girl for a couple months now and it wasn't really anything big but I guess we started feeling something for each other. We decided to get a bit more serious but she later changed her mind. We're still really close. I have a slight history of involvement with her best friend. Nothing has ever really happened between her best friend and I but the history itself made her go against it. She's said she liked me a lot, but doesn't want to put her friendship at risk. She seems really conflicted about it though and I think if I pushed it I might be able to change her mind.
I'm thinking I do something crazy. She doesn't live particularly close to me so I'm thinking I drive out to see her, surprise her and do something romantic like have her open the door and kiss her or something cheesy like that. I really do like this girl and I'd prefer to not lose her. Am I right in pursuing this or should I drop it? Could she be happy or just upset that I'm obsessive or something. | I like this girl and don't want to let something get in the way of it, but should I let her go? |
t3_196g33 | relationships | Are My Girlfriend [19] and I [m,19] Doing the Right Thing? | So my girlfriend and I have been together for coming up on two and a half years, so since junior year of high school, and we are in freshman in college at the moment. Beginning of our relationship was great but the end of senior year we hit a rough patch with her going through some major depression. This caused us to have to take some time off at the end of this summer to give her some time to finish working through her depression out/ease the strain it had put on us. After about 2 months of college (we attend the same school) we agreed to get back together and it has been amazing. We have a great relationship, definitely not perfect but I don't think there is such a thing.
Anyway, cutting to the issue at hand, we started doing some talking last week about where we were going in life and stuff and we both agreed that whether we liked it or not we were headed towards a more serious relationship. We also concluded that both of us want to at least try having some independence as adults/take a chance to test the waters a bit with some other people while staying friends before committing to anything more serious than what we have now, especially considering this is the first relationship both of us have had. And so if in a year or so we are still feeling for each other even after being apart and meeting other people, we can get back together and pick up where we left off.
It seemed logical and so I wasn't really worried about it or anything. I honestly didn't even think it was going to happen until sometime after spring break/the end of the semester but unfortunately it happened today. Personally I'm an emotional wreck, lots of crying, and I know she's sad too.
So are we doing the right thing or not? | girlfriend of 2.5 years and I agree to break up for a bit to see if we want to take relationship to the level it's heading, I agree, seems logical, finally happens, unsure if it's the right decision. |
t3_198x14 | relationships | [26 m] has put his foot down with me [24 f] about a dog. | Please understand I'm aware that I may sound like a bit of an animal nut while I write this, but please hang in there.
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We talk about living together and are tentatively planning to do so. I grew up with dogs my whole life and at the worst times in my childhood (my parents were very abusive) they were my greatest comfort. I absolutely love dogs and I would get one the minute my landlord or roommate allowed. As it is, I have a small bird instead, since my roommate doesn't like dogs, and I love her.
They give me a therapeutic comfort I can't describe. I still struggle with lots of anxiety, depression, and fear, especially at night when I try to sleep. Having an animal near me always makes me feel calmer. When I was dog sitting a few months ago, the dog slept in the bed with me and it was extremely reassuring. I actually cried when I had to leave her after a week.
The one thing my boyfriend has demanded is that there will be no pets in our apartment (except my bird, I assume, because I'm not getting rid of her.) We fight way more than is probably normal about this, but I really really want a dog, just a small one, that I swear will be my entire responsibility. My boyfriend really likes dog so I don't understand why he is fighting me on this. He said he is too young to have to change his lifestyle/travel plans/etc around another creature who needs to be taken care of.
I don't want to have to get to the point of "it's me or a dog" because the obvious choice would be him but it is making me extremely upset and want to just live alone with a dog instead of deal with his demands.
[ | My boyfriend refuses to get a dog when we move in together, something that is very important to me for psychological reasons.] |
t3_515lhc | relationship_advice | My [27/f] now ex bf [26/m] believes Tinder isn't cheating | I found out he had a Tinder account because he purchased something and it showed up on my iTunes bill. I asked him if he had Tinder and he said no, he didn't. That was 3 months ago. Now, this girl found me on fb and said she has been talking to him for the past two weeks and showed me all of these screenshots where he was say "What's up cutie" "Good morning beautiful" "Can I get a pic" and even sexually suggestive things and asking her to cuddle. She says they've never met and when I asked him about her, he said he met her playing Pokemon GO at the local park. However, I he lied about having Tinder and meeting her on there and says he just likes to have Tinder to "mess with people." and that he "needs help." This is the 4th girl this year he's met on Tinder and he doesn't say he has a g/f. All he says to me about this is "it's the internet, so it's not cheating and I would never meetup with them." Meanwhile. We met online 8 years ago....How should I handle this? | Boyfriend met a girl on Tinder, she showed me screenshots of flirting and him asking to meet up. He says Tinder isn't cheating because he's just "messing" with people for fun. |
t3_1dgsie | dating_advice | I don't want to be an idiot abounding, so should I even attempt? | I've been contemplating contacting one of my teachers from high school with the intention of possibly getting a date. I only had him for one class right at the end of my senior year, and the crush didn't even materialize until I had two weeks left of my high school career.
I'm now finishing my third year of college (21, F), and will be home for the summer. I will have a full-time internship at which I'll be making bank, and I have my own car (aka, I am capable of independence). He's only a few years older than me (28, M), very good looking, clearly has an established career that will be on hiatus for a few months...
I've "checked in" on him through my sources, but I feel like it's too weird to straight-up email and ask him out, especially since the last time I personally talked to him was almost two years ago. I'd probably ask a warm-up question about something related to the subject he teaches, and then get straight to the point.
Part of me is just like, "Why not?" while the other part still clings to my sense of self-preservation (as in, sparing myself from burning embarrassment). He's still single, according to my informant. I just don't know if this is worth the effort.
(If by some small miracle he'd agree, everything would be kept on the DL. I'm not one to announce to the world information that's better kept quiet.)
And before you say, "what about all the guys at your college?" I shall preemptively strike with "there are too many idiots abounding up here." | Is it too weird if I ask out my super-fine, former high school teacher, even if I graduated and am of legal age and such? |
t3_2lbw21 | askwomenadvice | How odd is it not to want to be in a room near to one in which people are having sex? | So I didn't meet the guidelines for r/AskWomen, so I'm gonna try again here!
This may seem like a weird or really specific question, but I've always felt really uncomfortable at the thought of people having sex in a nearby room, and I was wondering if this is an uncommon feeling or not. If they are having sex, I'd really, really like not to know about it - knowing that people are having/had sex close by to me makes me feel like I'm invading their privacy and weirdly disrespected, even if I can't hear or see anything. It's irrational, I know, and when I know that people are having sex in an adjacent room, I move myself and don't make a fuss. The situation is made even odder by the fact that I myself have had sex knowing that people were in a room right beside mine (this also made me feel uncomfortable after the fact).
I ask specifically because currently, I'm in a living situation in which my roommate has to walk through my room to get out to the hallway from her room, and where the walls are quite thin. When I told my roommate that I'd like her to tell me before her boyfriend comes over so that I can leave my room and go somewhere else. She was surprised that they I would want to leave my room even if I couldn't hear them, because after all, it's technically a different room. I also feel pretty uncomfortable hearing their private discussions, which are very audible through the walls. | I don't like being near people having sex. Currently, I'm avoiding my room when my roommate is having sex. Is this odd? |
t3_vty0m | relationship_advice | how do you help a depressed friend that doesn't want to be helped? | In this case its my wife (late 20s), we're separated and may be getting a divorce due to a number of complicated reasons that I won't go into, but I still consider her my friend.
She seems absolutely depressed about life. She says she has lost the will to live, there's no hope or reason to go on, thinks no one will ever love her. I see her about once a week and she seems to be in a complete funk every time. Also her lost motivation in life does not necessarily mean she wants our relationship to work out either, she has expressed a great deal of dissatisfaction towards me in one way or another and essentially initiated the possibility of divorce.
She barely attends the weekly MFT meetings (maybe about 1/3rd the time). She won't get help from a therapist or psychologist and continues to turn down anti-depressants... She is also exceedingly sensitive so if I try to encourage her on something too much she latches up. | How do you help someone that is stuck in a funk and doesn't want to help themselves to get out of that funk? |
t3_4e8qvv | relationships | Me [29 M] with my GF [25 F] 9 months, she is going to do a deal-breaker in 3 months, do I stay until then? | I am sure I am going to phrase some of this awkwardly or incorrectly, but I really am curious what others would do. I'm in no hurry for a serious relationship so I don't feel as though I would be wasting my time if I stuck around.
Seems like a stupid question, but I really enjoy being with her. We have been seeing each other for 9 months, and its fairly serious. She has already told me that in 3 months she is going to go to a 2 day concert with her ex.
I don't want to debate if its a deal breaker or not. For me it is. He is a non-issue on a day to day basis but she said that she and her ex and their other friend have gone to this every year and that she is going this year.
I already know that once she actually goes, I will end it. I don't even want to tell her not to go, because that would just lead to resentment which would kill the relationship anyways. I don't want any part of that either. Yes, she knows I don't want her to go and that it is a deal breaker.
Like I said, I really enjoy our time together and have no doubt that I will enjoy it for the next 3 months. After that, I will just not want to be with her anymore.
SO with those details: | If you knew the person you were dating was going to do something that is a deal breaker in 3 months, would you hang out until then? Or just go now? |
t3_1s9q84 | relationships | [28f] Getting extremely mixed signals from [28m]and not sure what to think. Is he playing games? | So this guy "friend" and I have had a thing (crush) for each other for some time. A couple months ago we got drunk and ended up hooking up. Since then, we have hooked up a few times. I'm not expecting anything serious to come of this but I am a little confused as to his behavior and actions.
Prior to the hookup, we would talk and text fairly often. We get along very well and were pretty friendly. Now, it seems as though he is actively ignoring my texts. He delays responses and sends very short messages. No real conversations.
Now, I'm quite aware many men are just after sex, and if that were the case I really wouldn't mind but some of his other behavior throws me off. He's introduced me to all of his brothers and his mom. He's introduced me to his best female and male friends.
When we are together he acts like his normal self, but then I'll hardly hear from him during the week. He also told me in person that he's into me and that the first time he spoke to me he was so nervous he was shaking.
So my question is, is this guy just a jerk that got what he wanted or is he playing games with me?
I'm very easy going - I'd be open for just a casual relationship, something more or simply a friendship. I'm just really getting mixed messages here and I don't know what to think. | Hooked up with a "friend" a few times and he's giving me mixed signals now. Not sure whether to try to maintain the relationship/friendship or abandon it. |
t3_4cfvz9 | weddingplanning | Bay Area vendors | Hi ladies (and fellow gentlemen)!
FW and I really started cracking down on starting the planning process for our (June 2017) wedding this weekend, and although we felt like we made some real progress (met with some wedding planners/day-of advisors), we are at a little bit of a loss of where to start with all the vendors: rental services, caterers, photographers, DJs, etc.
Our wedding will be in the (south) San Francisco Bay Area, and we've found that a lot of vendors don't have prices posted on their websites. I'm sure that's because they want you to call and negotiate a deal with them, but do any of you Bay Area wedditors have a breakdown of what vendors you've used, with a price range of each, and whether you felt you got a good deal (not to be too nosy!)? Our entire budget is around $15,000-20,000. We're getting married in my parents' backyard, so not worried about venue.
Also, how did you pick a planner/day-of coordinator? One of the ones we met was very friendly, and seemed more personable; the other was a little more serious and down to business (though still friendly enough). Would you say it's more important to work with someone you get along with, or someone who will get the job done?
Finally, some rental services/caterers we looked at seem to have a day-of coordinator as part of their package. Is this helpful to keep it all organized, or does it make sense to hire our own separately?
Any thoughts, advice, PRICES would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! | Getting started planning in south Bay Area, trying to figure out reasonable prices for vendors; what is a good deal? Also, general wedding planner/day-of coordinator advice. |
t3_1n2ynu | relationships | I [23 M] have an interest in a new coworker [21 F], but don't know how to approach her. | So my company hired a few new employees. One of which, I'm taking quite an interest in. She's cute, has the type of style I look for in women (which is hard to come by in my area surprisingly), among other subtle things. We've only been working together for a few days now, so it's fair to say I don't really know her. But she strikes me as one of those "I need to get to know her more" types.
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That said, I've been out of the game for a while now. I've been single for a little over 2 years. In that time, my love life has been a bit dull. I've been focusing on me and doing my thing. I don't have a problem with being single and am not the type that's actively out looking for a relationship or anything like that. But to say that I'm a bit rusty with this type of stuff now is a bit of an understatement.
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So how do I go about this exactly? Do I just straight up ask her out? I deal with her regularly at work so I don't want to ruin that work dynamic. I'd really like to get to know her more and see if it leads to something though (for me, this says a lot, as it's rare for me to show a genuine interest in somebody). | Interested in a new coworker, want to ask her out, but I'm rusty on this type of stuff. |
t3_1rimzr | Parenting | My ex-wife cut my son's hair into a mohawk with "buzzed" in designs in the side. Unfixable. How should this be handled? | My 5 year old came back to me this last Monday with crazy-mohawk style haircut. He is 5 years old and this, in my opinion, is not appropriate for kindergarten. No other kids in kindergarten have anything even close to this drastic. I think it borderlines on the pseudo-punk from the late 80's. She says that he picked it out, but it looks ridiculous. I asked her to please not get this done again and she just went into defense-mode. My ex does things like this all the time and this was the final straw. We were going to have holiday pictures taken, but there is nothing I can do about this insane haircut. Even his teacher in school asked me "what is that!?!?!"
Before anyone judges me for not respecting his individuality, keep in mind he is 5 years old! If he's 15 or 16, I wouldn't even care. I would never tell him that I don't like it in order to spare his feelings, but how do I deal with this? | Ex-wife cuts my son's hair in a crazy, unfixable mohawk and I can't stand it. |
t3_1j4l1v | relationships | I [20/F] completely shut down if anyone, including my SO [21/M] so much as raises his/her voice at me | I've always had this problem. I'm not sure what caused it because I've never dealt with any traumatic experience or anything related to someone yelling at me. For as long as I can remember, if someone raised his/her voice or yelled at me, I would just shut down emotionally. I think it's a coping mechanism, where I do this to try to shut out the loud noise because it scares me and makes me panic.
This reaction became much worse after a particularly emotionally abusive relationship I had in the past, when I also simultaneously dealt with undiagnosed depression. My boyfriend at the time would raise his voice or yell frequently, and his words were also caustic and hurtful. This, coupled with my already stupidly sensitive personality, made this reaction of mine worse.
Now, with my current SO, I'm still doing the same thing. He's only raised his voice at me once or twice, but I react the same way, causing him to get upset because he thinks he's a terrible person. I know this doesn't have to do with him, and I want to fix this about myself. I love my SO so much, and I hate seeing himself beat himself up over something that he really has no control over. If he raises his voice, I want to be able to reply calmly so that we can have discussions. I'm tired of being this weak, feeble, and over-sensitive pansy.
Is there anything I can do to ameliorate this problem I have? | I shut down if my SO or anyone raises his/her voice or yells at me. I don't want to be so weak. What can I do to fix this reaction I have? |
t3_4inmyj | relationships | I've been seeing a girl (18) for a few weeks now, things seemed to be going well, but she's completely cut off contact for the last week. I (21) don't think I did anything wrong, and I'm at a loss. Thoughts? | This is my first time posting here, but I need advice and to get this off my chest. I really like this girl, and as I said in the title, we've been going on dates and texting pretty regularly for about a month. We haven't had sex, but we kiss regularly, and we have had a few very intimate situations. Bottom line, I really like this girl, which is why I'm getting worried. I know she's safe because she's posted to facebook, but I have no clue where we stand.
Our last encounter was late Wednesday night, when she asked me if I'd like to get something to eat with her. It was a rather long car ride, and we held hands and talked and sang cheesy 80s muisic the whole time. She even kissed my hand- copying a move I did last time we held hands in the car. It was really special because no other woman has spontaneously reciprocated affection like that to me. Even my ex-girlfriend of 18 months didn't really seem to care all that much about me when we were together. Hindsight is 20/20 I suppose...
But I digress. We get to IHOP, have some great conversation with our dinner-breakfast, I pay, and then I drive her back to her place, where we kiss each other goodnight. It really felt like she genuinely had a great time, and I know I did.
And now, 5 days later, I have not heard anything from her. I've texted her a few times since to no avail. It may seem trivial to y'all, and perhaps rightly so, but I just can't figure out what went wrong. Do any of you gurus have any advice? | Like a girl, text a lot, went on several dates, she seems into it, then she completely breaks off all contact. |
t3_ol2i8 | AskReddit | Reddit; My day started out Horrible, anyone else have a horror story for today? | I was getting ready to go visit my mom. I always take my little teacup Chihuahua over there to play with her 2 puppies. As I was heading out to the car, he started to squirm wanting down, and he jumped, landing on his head. He had no movement, other than his eyes flickering, and his tongue was sticking out. I broke down thinking I had killed him, I lifted his limp body and started crying. Running out to my boyfriend who was waiting for me in the car, crying "I killed my puppy".
On the way to vet, he got a little more activate, moving around, turning his head. By the time we got into see the vet, he was already chewing on my fingers and playing around. LUCKILY it just knocked him unconscious, and no damage was done. | Was going over to mom's house, puppy jumped out of my arms, hitting his head on the concrete, thought I killed him |
t3_1dwqmy | relationships | Should I (22F) ask my boss (39M) out for drinks? | We have been working together a little over a month. I have never been so attracted to someone as I am to my boss. He is a genuinely good person who shares my interests. He has no children and is not married.
Working with him is very fun and easy going. I do not want to feel uncomfortable working with him, which is why I have yet to invite him out. My only concern (obviously a concern) is the age difference. I may be taking his small comments the wrong way. He may be saying nice things to me because he looks at me as a "younger sister" rather than a potential date.
I'm afraid giving out too much information may lead to him or another coworker seeing this. I feel as though there is some chemistry there, but my fear is that my infatuation is clouding my vision.
I need some guidance. Anyone been in a similar situation? How long do I wait? Should I even go for it? | My boss is smokin' hot. We had similar interests and a great time working together. I want get to know him outside of work. Should I go for it? |
t3_4hy996 | relationships | My [27 M] girlfriend [26 F] had a horrific nightmare and hasn't been sleeping, not sure how to help. | Throw away because I know she uses Reddit.
I've been dating Liv for 3 years, and she's my best friend. We talk about everything, and there's no secrets between us, which makes this issue so frustrating.
The last week or so, Liv hasn't been sleeping well. Tossing and turning, getting up to get a cup of water every hour, stuff like that. She's been starting to look like a zombie, with huge dark circles under her eyes and moving slowly. I've ran her a hot bath, made her tea, rubbed her back, done everything I could think of but it hasn't helped at all. Last night, we were watching a movie and she decided to go to bed as soon as it started. I was happy, thinking that her lack of sleep has caught up with her and I hoped she would finally get a good nights sleep. I offered to come to bed with her, but she wanted me to finish the movie and told me to come to bed when I was finished.
After the movie I made some food, and as I was finishing eating I heard screaming. I ran into the bedroom and Liv was screaming and shaking and crying. It was honesty the most upsetting thing I've seen. After I managed to calm her down, she just said she had a bad dream and didn't want to talk about it, and she just wanted to lay with me. Neither of us slept, she just laid there and cried as I tried to comfort her. I asked her multiple times if she wanted to tell me anything, but she just said it was nothing.
She's working late tonight, so she still isn't home. I tried to talk to her about it, and she just blew me off. She's never acted like this, and I feel like she's keeping a secret. I just want to know how to help my girlfriend. | my girlfriend hasn't been sleeping well, and last night she had such a bad nightmare that she woke up screaming and crying. |
t3_43wxwk | relationships | Me [30F] with my boyfriend of increasing seriousness [29M] of half a year. I earn more than him and want us to have adventures. | This awesome guy and I have known each other for about a year, starting really casual and slowly moving into more serious dating (even though we're not *officially* together yet), calling him a boyfriend out of convenience here.
I have a really amazing job that pays a lot of money and he has a more normal job that pays almost half as much. At the end of the month I have a lot of money left to spend on fun things while he doesn't always manage to save much.
I really want us to have adventures together that mostly I pay for. I don't mind doing this at all, I am more than willing to pay more if it means he is coming with me. However, I can see that this really bothers him. I've tried some smaller things (where I've already paid for the thing and invited him as my plus one) and he keeps trying to pay for half of it. So far I've managed to joke and suggest he buy me dinner instead (I'm a simple girl with simple tastes, so nothing expensive).
I want us to go on holiday together, which is something I can absolutely afford for both of us, but he can't afford to pay for his half without putting himself into a pinch. How do I explain to him that I love spending money on fun things we do together and how do I stop him from trying to pay for half? What should I say? | I earn twice as much as my boyfriend of increasing seriousness, I want to pay for fun stuff, he really wants to split everything in half |
t3_1mq5ea | relationship_advice | This is my story, give me your advice. | Ok, I'm 30 and I have a long history with a 25 year old woman. We used to date, then we lived together. She has a daughter who also lived with us and called me her daddy.
Here's the rub. I had some major issues, psychological issues. I ultimately ended up cheating of this woman numerous times. Eventually she found out and they left me. Following that though we continued to see each other despite living apart.
Recently I got help and dealt with the things that caused me to be such a terrible person in the past.
More recently, she formally ended things with me and began dating someone else. For the last week I have been trying to win her back and went as far as to buy an engagement ring for her.
Last night she finally agreed to meet me and we did and I poured every single emotion I had left in me out for her to see. She now believes that if she were to marry me, I would remain faithful and committed to her for the rest of my life.
After talking for nearly three hours, I dropped her off. She said she wanted to kiss me but couldn't because she was still with the other guy. She said that she was seeing him Saturday and would decide by then, who she wants to be with. She admitted she does not love him.
Despite that, she remained committed that she hasn't decided who to pick.
So, I dropped her off and we shared a very long and passionate embrace. She went inside and I sat in my car for a moment to process what had happened. She texted me and said that I wasn't moving. I said I was waiting for her to come kiss me. She said she wanted to but couldn't, but would hug me if I met her in the driveway.
I walked into the driveway and she came out of the house crying. She ran to me, hugged me and kissed me. She told me she loved me. We hugged and kissed a few more times and then I had to let her go.
We are meant to be together and she is the love of my life.
Will she pick me? | Cheated on the love of my life, lost her to another man, tried to get her back, saw her last night and shared a moment that was worthy of being written into a movie. Will she pick me? |
t3_33q8xj | relationships | Me [25 M] with my girlfriend [22 F] of 1 month, I ended things after finding out she cheated on me with her ex | We met online and have dated for 1 month but I found out last night (directly from her ex) that she and him got physical two days ago and she lied to him about her seeing someone else, so he didn't know. He sent me screenshots of their convos and it is CLEAR that she isn't over this guy and still cares for him.
Her and I had this amazing relationship going on (even though it's only been a month) and we were both happy together and it looked like things could only go up from here. We even agreed to being exclusive with one another and deleted our online dating profiles together. Then she pulls this stunt on me and completely fucks it all up.
Last night at 1am, she comes over to my house unannounced to try apologize and make make things work. Bangs on my fucking window to get me to come out and talk. I don't have time to deal with bullshit drama like this, so I told her that she fucked up and now I can never trust her again. Then I told her not to call/text me anymore and for her to leave.
The thing is, I really enjoyed my time with her and I didn't want to be with anyone else. We were planning to do this awesome road trip out of state together, too. She was the one that brought it up and wanted to do it, so this baffles me.
Do I try to make things work, despite her actions? Has anyone else gotten back with their significant others after being cheated on? She kept telling me that she really likes me and wants to be with me. But the truth is in the evidence, so I'm not sure what to think. | Girlfriend of 1 month cheated on me with her ex. I ended things last night, but she still wants me and now I'm trying to decide if I want to make things work out, despite what she did. |
t3_2qok69 | relationships | I [25/F] am irrationally afraid of being cheated on. How can I stop worrying so much? | Title says it all. I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me, but I constantly worry about being cheated on. To be honest, I think what bothers me is not so much the act of cheating itself, but the fact that he could be cheating without me knowing. In my last relationship my now-ex was cheating on me for 6 months and I didn't have the slightest clue the whole time. I felt so stupid and worthless when I finally found out, and I think that's probably why I feel so anxious about it now. I constantly worry that I'm going to made into a total fool again. My current bf has only once given me a reason not to trust him in the 4 years that we've been dating - and even that was a gray area in some respects - but still I worry. I want to stop that negative thought process.
Tonight my bf was at a party with people I didn't know, and I got myself so worked up wondering what was happening at that party that I pestered my boyfriend with texts to the point that he felt the need to call and check in with me. Now I feel awful about myself because only a truly shitty girlfriend would do that to someone. I just start imagining the worst possible scenarios and then it becomes a downward spiral of negative thinking that i can't stop.
I know the go-to advice on this sub is therapy, and I understand that completely. But I would love some advice on how to start breaking this horrible cycle *right now* too. | feeling like a shitty girlfriend because I constantly worry about cheating even though I have no reason to. How to start addressing this? |
t3_ejurg | AskReddit | If you had an opportunity to sit and talk with Fred Phelps of Westboro Baptist Church what would you say? | Granted any rational thought would be discredited and cast down by this man, but if you could talk to him or even *at* him what would you want him to hear about the disgusting operations he conducts under the banner of "freedom of speech"? I've been fascinated with the Phelps clan for a few years now, amazed at how ruthless and vile they are under the flag of Christian love and acceptance. I'm sure most of you are familiar with the man and his church, but Louie Theroux has an excellent documentary about them where he lived with the family and attended Westboro Baptist Church. You can catch that [here.] As most of you know, the church is notorious for picketing funerals of dead soldiers and generally causing emotional havoc on mourning families. While this is probably the most disgusting excercise of the first ammendment ever, it has inspired opposers of the church (non-believers and believers alike) to ban together and drown out their hate. This is the only bright side of the Phelps family. They have united people on a basic human level regardless of religion or politics to stop them. Some good examples are [here] and [here.] Now Phelps is bringing his clan to protest recently deceased Elizabeth Edwards' funeral, who died of breast cancer just days ago.[(here)] This man is a plague on society. Just another cause for the religious divide among us all. | What would you say or do to Fred Phelps, the crazy Christian preacher who protests dead soldiers funerals and is going to picket Elizabeth Edwards' funeral with signs like "Thank God for Breast Cancer"? |
t3_40j8d7 | relationships | Me [23/F] with my bf [25/M] 3 yrs dating, i snooped his phone and found some flirty text with his "friend", I can't get over it. | My boyfriend was studying abroad for a year in UK, we decide to wait each other so basicay we had a ling distance
Just weeks before he came back, he went on a short trip to the city and told me he "casually" meet a girl friend there, he even take a photo with here and upload it on snapchat, I was fine with that.
Eventually he came back, everything was fine, but I made a mistake snooping his phone one night and found texts with this girl (the same he casually meet), the text were flirty, like she sended a photo and he replied with oh you look pretty, beautiful.. And she calling him cute, and he telling her my heart..
In conclusion... Cute flirty texts.. The same way he talk to me, his girlfriend for 3 Years..
I confronted him, and he said he was sorry, he didnt like her the way I was thinking, for him she is only a friend, blah blah.. And in those texts I read, the "casual" meeting was not casual at all, they made plans to go to the city, he told me he lied to me because he knew I wouldnt be ok with that.
I talked with the girl, and she was all sorry, I missunderstand everything, she is not like that, she knew about me, and how crazy about me he is..
But theres this thing, I cant get over it, everyday That pop in my head, he talking like that to her, he lying me.. I feel betrayed..
What I should do? | boyfriend sended cute flirty text to a friend, he is deeply sorry as well his friend, I cant get over because I see that as a betrayal. |
t3_3gjtdq | relationships | Me [19 f] and this guy from college [19 m].. wondering if I should talk to him again. | The first night we spoke, we found a thousand things in common with each other. He was an artist. I was a writer. Same music with different edges and we introduced each other to new things. I made him laugh, he left some effect on me. Great, right?
I am not good with romantic relationships. I just don't like them. I don't even know if I want one. But it happened with us and it became too much. He cared about me too much. When I was going through some stuff (very depressed for a few months, various reasons, some I don't understand) he was absolutely shattered by my isolation and lack of reception. I couldn't handle the fact his emotions were so mangled by the lack of mine, so I told him we'd be better as friends, especially until I sorted my shit out.
We basically stopped talking. Awkward when we saw each other. I wanted it to be the way it was when we were friends - I do really care for him as a person, but I don't want a relationship in which I control his emotions with such power.
I ended up transferring out of that school, but we live somewhat close by each other.
I miss him a little and I don't know how he feels about me anymore. His birthday was a few weeks ago and I keep hearing the bands he introduced me to and I just don't know if it's wise to see how he's doing. Part of me wants to get to know him again, but a lot of me is worried he'll want to try a relationship with me again, and I don't want that to happen. What do you suggest? | Really awesome friend dates me, we fall apart, stop conversing. No hard feelings, just awkward. Months later, should I try to become his friend (platonic) again? Or is it too risky? |
t3_ukkfx | relationships | I'm not happy in the relationship anymore, but the opposite could be said about my SO - X-Post from r/BreakUps | I (21M) have been with my girlfriend(19) for nearly 3 years now, but in the last 6 months or so I've been turned off by a lot of her actions.
She "loves" me, and I guess I love her too, but at some point you have to realize that love doesn't necessarily mean you have to be together.. I put quotations on love because lately it seems she doesn't love me, but the security of being in a relationship with someone that she isn't afraid will leave her. Lately I've started losing weight, and she's had serious reservations about that, she's gone as far to tell me that she would rather me be fat than "get skinny and leave me for some skinny girl." Which begs the question; Does she really love me and have my best interests in mind, or would she rather me be unhealthy and at a level of unattractiveness that nobody else would want me?
She's dropped out of college with no plans to go back. She wants me to move out of my house from my reliable room mate to move somewhere with her. She's completely financially overburdened, and all efforts would inevitably land on me.
She lives in the fantasy world that all the things I tell her are bothering me go away if she stops for a couple days and goes back. She refuses to admit there are any problems.
I'm at my wits end, and after a few "breaks" I've requested that she's never respected, I've got to cut it off with her.
I know it's classy to do it in person, but knowing her, she'll go bat shit crazy, and try to lock me in her room, and stand in front of the door(it's happened), or stand in front of my car so I can't drive away..
I need some advice on how to handle this. | Girlfriend doesn't find any problem with the relationship, but I'm no longer happy. She'll go insane if I do it in person, what do? |
t3_31im54 | tifu | TIFU by going to my cousin's wedding | so this happened about a year ago, I was 19, a bit of background: I'm the youngest out of my cousins by about 5 years, so since I've been 18 they've always ended up getting me quite drunk, anyway one of my male cousins decided to go and get married, great, another excuse to get trashed.
now the FU: so the ceremony is really nice, blah blah, and then we sit down for the meal, I'm sat at a table with a few people and a relatively attractive bridesmaid, she's a bit older than me but I think hey, whatever, I'll give it a shot.
So things go well, a lot of wine is being drunk with some encouragement from my cousins, we're flirting, I'm thinking hey this could end well, more alcohol ensues, dancing, great.
Then comes the blackout...
This is where things get bad, all I remember is getting off with the brides friend very vaguely, and then being half carried to bed by one of my cousins.
When I wake up the next morning, there's a bit of sick on my suit, fuck, as I sit down for breakfast with my cousins aunt uncle and parents there's a lot of giggling coming from everyone, Oh Shit... what did I do...
They fill me in and basically I'd got incredibly wasted, me and the bridesmaid had found a quiet corner and we were making out, and then I threw up on her, she screams and runs off, and I'm then found by one of my cousins, sat there, half passed out, with some sick on me, and he then put me to bed.
**AND MY WHOLE FAMILY KNOWS**
not only that but my cousins wife now also hates me for having been sick on her friend... | went to wedding, got really drunk on free booze, was sick on a bridesmaid, all my family mocked me |
t3_3ittoo | tifu | TIFU by bringing a joint to school | This didn't happen today but it happened a few years ago.
I first started smoking pot in 9th grade, and found some of my mother's pot. Rolled it into a joint, smoked half and put it out (saving it for after school the next day). Before 1st period the next day I used the school restroom and noticed a funny smell. The person in the handicapped stall next to me was crinkling a plastic bag that filled the bathroom with the smell of pot. Not thinking any more about it I left and continued my day. During 3rd period (TV Production) we were filming a video and I was in the trashcan for part of it. Two campus advisers beckoned me towards them. I thought I was in trouble for fucking with the trashcans. Turns out they searched me assuming I was smoking pot in the bathroom before 1st period. The first thing I did was pull out a half smoked joint in a bag out of my pocket. I even showed them the person who was doing the act, and after bringing him in, they found nothing on him. I was suspended for 2 weeks (btw the 2 weeks followed directly into spring break which I was grounded for the entirety of). My mother made me deliver news papers with her at 3 in the morning every single night, weekends too, for three weeks. All this because someone lit up and not me. | Someone smoked in the bathroom and I was blamed for it cause I coinsidentally had a half smoked joint in my pocket. |
t3_1rxgxl | relationships | 28/m having intimacy issues w/ 28/f GF of 3 years | Hey everyone, first time posting here. I've been in an official relationship with my beautiful GF for 3 years as of this month. I've known her since college, so we've actually been hooking up for almost 10 years. I'm worried that she's not attracted to me anymore.
For the majority of our "official" relationship, we've lived an hour apart and swapped weekends visiting each other. This was fine for a while, and then at some point during year 2, she moved back in with her parents (where we can't have sex). We'd only have sex when she came to visit me (twice a month, if you're keeping score) and IMO that's not enough.
We broke up this past April because of the distance, my hesitance in wanting to move near her, and resulting lack of intimacy. We got back together in August, and by October I had moved to an apartment in the town next to her. She still lives with her parents, but now at least I'm close enough that we can keep the intimate portion of our relationship going. For the record, everything else is good -- we have similar interests, we enjoy each other's company, we like each other's families and we've talked about getting married/having kids someday.
However, we still don't have sex more than once a week. I feel like she's not attracted to me anymore. I feel like we're having married sex like a couple of 40-somethings, not the healthy love life we should have in our late twenties. I've always been of the mindset that couples can continue having a great sex life -- not everyone has to get boring like some sitcom couple who only does it on the guy's birthday.
So here are my questions: How often should we be having sex? If I want it daily, and she's weekly, is that going to screw up the relationship? Is this something big enough to reconsider marrying her over, or should I suck it up and deal like 95% of adults? Remember, everything else is good thus far. What should I do? | I feel like we don't have enough sex. Is this a big enough problem to end the relationship over, or should I suck it up and deal with it? |
t3_1jyat0 | relationships | Me[21M] with my LDR gf [23F] after 6 years randomly cut all contact with me, how do I deal with this? | Hello all,
I am not dealing with this properly, and after a week of still feeling like I do today I need help. Last week, like any other day we had a normal talk about what we were going to do, nothing seemed shallow or weird. And after sometime I walked my dog and I came back to check skype, and she deleted me.
I felt weird, this is the least I expected, I atleast expected an explanation... i've no idea why she would cut all contact, I texted her, no reply.
I'm asuming (yay im that smart) that its over, but how do I deal with all the questions I have? We've had ups and downs, we came back together or stayed friends.. and now not even a word? I'm completly lost. | After 6 years, gf cuts all contact with me without explanation, i've no idea how to co op with this, I feel like this isen't her at all and i'm just wondering why? |
t3_1ug4sa | relationships | I [17M] snooped through my girlfriend's [17F] phone and found evidence of her cheating. Please help. | Hello everyone, I was worried that my girlfriend of 9 months was cheating on me a few days ago. She was always on her phone texting away and whenever we would text, she takes long to respond now. After too many times of this happening I asked her why she is taking so longer than usual to reply, and she just said shes busy alot of the times.
When I last went to her house which was yesterday, she left her phone behind as she went to go get changed. Curiosity was killing me and I snooped through her phone, I know this is not good in many relationships but what choice do I have?
What I found was what I was looking for from the beginning. She was talking to this other guy through the app Kik, and constantly the guy hit on her calling her beautiful and cute. Now this is what really did it for me. She was sending pictures of herself to the guy as he kept giving more and more compliments to her. Whenever I ask for a picture, she hesitates and always complains that she does not like taking pictures. Now what's the big deal now? Why take picture for some stranger? The pictures were also quite revelaing to her cleavage and the guy complimented on that too. All she replied was with agreeing with him and was flattered.
Now, the guy basically asks her if she would date him. And she said totally, without a thought about me. I was texting her at the same time she said this too, and they are now in a long distance relationship behind my back. I dont know how to confront her over this and it really breaks my heart to find this out. I never expected her to cheat on me, what should I do? Please help. | Girlfriend of 9 months is cheating on me with another guy through Kik. Really upset over this and how she sends him so many pictures and is flattered by all his compliments and never states that she has a BF, please help. |
t3_4z0lvm | relationships | My [26 M] boyfriend [24 M] is acting like a child sometimes and i feel very tired. Don't know what to do. | (sorry for my english)
Me and my boyfriend are together for 4 years, we are living together nearly from the day we met.
We love each other and we have a really strong bond. But he can't make a decision without me and everything depends on me. I need him to act like an adult. (he graduated from collage and starting his master education in 2 months.)
I am good at expressing my feelings and saying what bothers me, and when i say these kind of things he says O.K, i'll try etc. But nothing changes and i am really getting tired of this.
For example, he was a smoker and we stopped smoking together.(actually he was a chain smoker) Nowadays he started to smoke again. 15 minutes ago i saw him smoking on the window and it makes me really sad.
I sometimes feel like a control freak and this may made him act like that at the beginning, i don't know. I told him too, i said " i feel like a control freak because you need to be under control lots of time" and he said "yeah, i know. i'll try my best" etc etc. Nothing happened.
I'm open for all kind of recommendations . | I don't know who's fault is this but i feel like a control freak, and my boyfriend acts like a child lots of times. What should i do to change this? I explained this situation to him like 3 times. |
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