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t3_3vxlxm | relationships | Me [24/F] with my boyfriend [29/M] of 2 years, I feel like we're in a bit of a rut. | Hi r/relationships! Long time lurker, first time poster. I need a bit of advice.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. We've lived together since about February, and I feel like we've hit a bit of a rut. We both work typical normal work hours (8-5), and once we're done with work during the week we go home, put the TV on, and watch it until bed. This has become routine. At first, I had NO problem with this - we both work, I go to graduate school at night, so we're both exhausted by 6:00 PM. The trouble is, I'm starting to notice that it feels as though we're living the same day over and over again - we don't really have in-depth conversations like we used to anymore, we just zone out in front of the TV until we go upstairs to pass out.
On the weekends, we usually get out and do things since we have the time and energy to do so, but during the week our conversation is a minimum. I cook us dinner, we make a few comments throughout whatever TV show or movie we're watching, we go up to bed, and pass out. Our sex life has taken a bit of a hit too - I have a HL, while he's always had more of a LL than me, but now we only have sex about once every 2-3 weeks.
I love my boyfriend very much, and I know that he cares about me, but I don't know how to get us out of this rut. Any advice is welcome, please! | Been with boyfriend for 2 years, have lived together for 10 months. Seems like we've hit a rut with our conversations and sex life, looking for advice on how to get out of it! |
t3_3z35hk | relationships | I [22m] caused my best friend [22F] to cheat and now I feel awful. I'm not sure what to feel. I feel like scum. | I [22M] brought my best friend [22F] to a party some of my college friends were throwing. We have had a off and on mutual attraction for a few years but she goes to a school in another state and some past mistakes on both sides have never allowed us the chance to date.
After it turns midnight everyone states to empty out and we've both been drinking so we're spending the night there. She spent about an hour curled up on my lap in a chair and we're both tired. We curl up together on the couch and one thing leads to another and we're kissing and moving clothing. It doesn't progress from there but it ends with both of us a little upset. I sleep on the floor because there was nowhere near enough space on the couch for both of us. She's currently in relationship and texts her bf at 3 am and tells him what's going on. Both of us barely sleep and it was a awkward car ride home.
It sounds like a contradiction from me given what I did but I've wanted to marry this girl for two years now but circumstances and unresolved emotions on both sides. I'm not sure what else to say and I feel like an awful friend for being so selfish but I've haven't wanted to be with anyone else for a long time. I only ever dated because I thought I didn't have a chance with her. She doesn't stay single for long and is one of the best people I know. | Caused my best friend to cheat on her bf when we were both drunk. Have liked her for years and now am unsure what to do. |
t3_14pp3b | relationships | I [20f] am strugging with my boyfriend's [20m] depression. | My boyfriend of a year was diagnosed with depression last month (He is now seeing a therapist, and is on medication.) I have sworn to stick by his side. I love him so much, and it hurts me to see him this way.
There have been two occasions where he has self-harmed, and one where he has considered taking his own life.
After that occasion, I have been so scared to leave him alone. I start to get anxiety when he's in the bathroom for too long, or hasn't answered my texts. I worry that he's hurt himself, or worse. He has improved a lot since then but I can't seem to get over it.
He promised me that I have nothing to worry about now, but I still get scared. (His mother also feels the same way I do (but less strongly), and she has given me her work number to call in case I think there's something wrong.)
I don't want to constantly be breathing over his shoulder, and I don't want to make him feel like I don't trust him.
My questions are: Has anyone been in a similar situation? How can I deal with it when my anxiety comes around? Advice? | Boyfriend has depression & has self harmed when I wasn't paying attention, now I am scared to leave him alone and always worrying that he has hurt himself. |
t3_4au8h4 | offmychest | I was put in a special group in primary school, I never figured out if it was because I was slow or smart. | When I was around 10 years old, I got put in a special group in school call Talented and Gifted Students.
We still went to normal classes but once a week the select few of us would go and do extra activities. I don't really remember what the activities were (long time ago).
I'm a very cynical person. Calling something "Talented and Gifted Students" really sounds like a polite way of saying mentally challenged. The thing is one of my old friends was also in it and he went on to become an engineer; that means he's smart right?
I've gone on to study broadcast, I seemed to excel in it and got a job lined up before I graduated by recommendation. I never felt particularly challenged in anything but that could be because I don't aim high enough or maybe I give up on things when faced with difficulty.
I've gone through life with people telling me I'm really good at things: self taught guitar, self taught photoshop, self taught Autodesk Maya etc. My thoughts on this is that they only think I'm good at these things because they are ignorant to what good actually is. I know enough about all those things to know I'm not that good at them.
I always got really bad maths test score all through high school. Like, really bad, 60% on a test would be unusually high for me. Until the final exam when I actually decided to study for once, I crammed study for a few hours the night before the final exam and I got the second highest score in my year by half a percent.
I've never found satisfaction in finishing anything because I never feel the challenge and I'm never ever happy with anything I've produced.
All this might make you think I must have been smart, right? Well the problem is, when I filled out the form to decide if I was to be put in the TaGS class, I made a joke of it. I wrote down silly dumb things like "I collect dead mice as a hobby". | To this day I could never figure out if I was in a special group because I was smart or because I was mentally challenged. Either way I've never felt fulfilled by my achievements that everyone else seems impressed by. |
t3_50d5un | relationships | I'm (27 F) willing to change my body for him, but he (40 M) won't change his schedule for me | My boyfriend of eight months has trouble with sex, supposedly because of the desensitizing effects of condoms. The Pill made me depressed and killed my libido, so that's not an option. That means an IUD so we can skip condoms and he can enjoy sex more. He's very into this idea.
All I want is for him to go with me to the appointment, as insertion is supposed to be incredibly painful and can have lingering lightheadedness, discomfort, and bleeding. I'm more prone to some of the side-effects because of my medical history, and it would be wonderful to have him there for support. But he says he's not sure that he'll be able to come, since he lives a few hours away and might be busy. I don't think this is a good excuse, since I'm getting this for his benefit and giving him several weeks' notice. He makes his own schedule and works remotely on a regular basis, so I don't see the issue. I've mentioned how important it was to me, and he says he can't promise anything.
Now I'm questioning the whole relationship, and might call off an upcoming trip to see him and just break up instead. I love him and enjoy being with him, but this is not the first time he's shown I'm not a priority even though I've always put him first. Am I overreacting? What should I do? | I'm willing to get an IUD for him, but he won't shift his flexible schedule to support me through that VERY unpleasant process. What should I do? |
t3_2t7qht | relationships | Me [31 F] with my SO [32 M] have been together for 6 years married for 2, and I lied to him about something from my past about 6-9 mos into the relationship... | I don't think I have a crazy sexul past but I do have much more experience than my SO. When we first got together he flipped out when I told him that I had been sleeping with one of my guy friends off and on w/ in the last 6 months of meeting him (my SO). He acted totally immature and from then on I sorta knew to tread lightly when talking about my past. Fast forward to (maybe?) a few months ahead...
We had been day drinking and I don't know how it came up but I told him that my best friend and I had had some threesomes together before (at that point a few years ago). And he flipped out again, we had to immeditely leave where we were and the day was ruined. He was quiet the whole way home and I was left feeling like I had done something wrong... So we finally get home and we start talking. Again this is 5+ years ago so I don't remember the details that clearly... but he was on top of me (not in an aggressive way) and asking me questions... The last one he asked was did you sleep with John? (my best friends now husband) And I straight up said no... and that was the lie... For one it's not something I'm proud of, it was a terrible terrible hook up and it nearly ended our friendship. I felt it was my secret to keep and especially w/ how he behaved about my past I didn't want him to flip out anymore over my past...
So now we are talking about moving, which means moving closer to my best friend so we would definitley see them more than once every other year and I'm just worried about the "what if". What if for some reason some way he finds out and throws a fit? And
I do feel guility not being 100% honest about my past. So my question is, is this my secret to keep or should I come clean now and deal with the consequences regardless of the outcome? | Do I come clean about a lie I told my SO of 6 years about my sexual past or is it my secret to keep? |
t3_4hqi1x | relationships | My ex-boyfriend (31m) of almost 3 years died yesterday and I (28f) don't really know how to cope. | This is my first death.. We spoke on Sunday and I found out Monday morning that he passed away in his sleep (still waiting on the autopsy). My heart is broken. I moved to the city I live in now for him... We've known each other since we were 18 and we starting dating when I was 24. We broke up this time last year but have remained friends, not seeing each other but talking on the phone and texting. He knew that I loved him and I knew that he loved me. How do I know that I can handle this? I have to go to work and pay bills.. I know that he has finally found peace and for that I am grateful... but I also can't even imagine living the rest of my life with out him in it. It's devastating. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.. | My ex boyfriend of almost 3 years died in his sleep. I don't know how to cope as this is my first death and a very close one at that |
t3_2mjamf | tifu | TIFU by leaving a camera bag in my car overnight. | This happened last Friday and I'm finally coming to terms with how big this fuck up this is. Here we go:
I'm a filmmaker and I was working on a commercial this past week. I had tons of cases to lug around in my car everyday. Cameras, lenses, lights, camera stabilizers, monitors, etc. Every night, I would put these cases in my house, and in the morning, I would pack up the SUV to avoid anyone busting in my car and stealing these cases.
Well, the last night of the shoot, I return the equipment back to the owner and ask if I can keep the camera bag for one more day and he said sure. We leave his place and go grab a drink at the bar to celebrate a hard week of work. I had a pleasant time with him and he promised more jobs in the future.
The next day, I realized I left the camera bag in my car. I go out to get it and it's gone. Can't find it inside either (my apartment isn't very big to begin with). And I freak out.
I call the owner and he comes over. We tally up the value of the items inside the camera bag . . . $10,000. Ten thousand fucking dollars that I now have to pay back. I'm going to be paying this back for the next three years! Fuck me, right?
Just as I finish a job and get some money so I don't have to stress about bills and now this... I fucked up, I know, but for fuck's sake can a dude get a fucking break?
Tomorrow I'm having a meeting with the guy to figure out the best way for me the pay it back and have enough money to stay alive for the next three years. | I left a camera bag in my car over night and it was swiped. The contents of the bag was $10,000 and have to pay it back. |
t3_pf0hz | AskReddit | Can anyone help make my best friend's first valentines day alone in 4 years the best she's ever had? | So this valentine's day is my best friend's first in four and a half years alone as she broke up wither her boyfriend over summer. She has had an insanely tough year moving back in wither her mother who has a drinking problem, getting rejected from nursing school and told she can not reapply because she had to retake biochemistry and Anatomy even though she got A's when she retook them.
She is a HUGE Incubus fan and a few months ago I took her to an art show Brandon Boyd did to help keep our oceans clean and teach the dangers of plastics. I know this sounds lame, and is a bit last minute for valentines day but I would love to see if I could get Brandon to sign a picture I took of him and her at the art show. I tried finding contact info on the band's site and Brandon's site for his books but I don't think anything I send would reach him or the other guys, does anyone on reddit know a way I can contact them? A manager's email maybe? It would mean the world for me to help my friend not feel so alone and appreciated on Valentines day!
**bold | my friend is spending her first valentine's day alone in 4 years,a long shot but does anyone know of a way to contact the band Incubus so I can send a picture to hopefully get autographed? |
t3_13iuyd | relationship_advice | [23/m]feelings for an ex? | So about a year and a half ago me and my most recent ex broke up. I was very close to her and her children, she has 3, and I continue to be a part of their lives. I was crushed when we first broke up, and took some time away from seeing and talking to her, but then after a while we both decided that we could remain friends and that I could still be a part of her children's lives, which I am very happy with. Everything was alright for a while, I even stay at her place every few months to spend time with the kids. She does have a boyfriend at the momet, and we get along for the most part, though he isn't aware or my past with my ex. We both though it was best to just refer to me as a friend, which isn't lying but at the same time isn't the entire truth.
Now the problems have started recently, I have found myself starting to fall for her again. I'm am currently staying with her though Thanksgiving and I'm finding it harder and harder to keep my feelings at bay Now she has dropped a few hints that she is beginning to feel the same way, telling me how much she loves and misses me, saying how sometimes she'll lay in bed with her boyfriend and wish it was me there, but nothing physical has happened yet.
I don't want to lose her, or her children, but I'm afraid that if i peruse this and nothing comes of it that we won't be able to go back to being close friends a second time. Plus, the relationship that shes in now is pretty stable, money wise not emotionally, and I know that I won't be able to provide the same sort of support for her that he does at the moment. I just really need advice on what to do, should I sit her down adn talk to her about it and risk messing things up how they are now, should I just try to contain my feelings until I'm in a better place to provide for her, or should I just distance myself from the situation, and risk hurting her and the children, not to mention myself? | I'm finding myself having feelings for a very close friends, and former girlfriend, and I'm not sure what to do. |
t3_1ehbi2 | offmychest | Irresponsible parents | So, I'm 24 years old and have been volunteering to do my dad's taxes since I moved out here at 18 and started doing mine. It's always been pretty easy, and I feel like they wouldn't get done if I didn't do them myself. Well, this year I was really busy and didn't get to them as quickly as he was needing, so he said he'd do it himself. Well, weeks later he tells me he fucked it up by preparing the fed and the state with two separate preparers and his state wouldn't get accepted because his federal was already submitted.
Well, then he asked me to fix it, and he says "I don't want to have to deal with this shit anymore. You can just do it." I reply, "Yeah, well, I wish I didn't have to deal with this shit either", and left it at that.
I've been distracted and haven't gotten to it, so he asked me again. I tell him I'll try, and he goes, "Next year I'm just not going to bother." Now I'm pissed because I have enough stress in my life without him compounding it with his, so I told him he'd have to, unless his new fiance wants to do it for him, because I don't want to. But I'd still try to fix his return. Couldn't figure out what to do, I tried calling the IRS, but they need so much personal information I couldn't really provide. So I told him that I couldn't do it and he's going to have to find his own solution. But I gave him the number to the IRS.
Aaaand now I feel like shit. Just guilty. Guilty that my father doesn't handle his own shit and I have been burdened with these responsibilities that I feel I've taken on too early. | I'm more responsible than my father, and I just made my dad take care of his own shit. I feel guilty as fuck. |
t3_316k7r | relationships | Me [21F] with my other half [20M] since roughly September. He lets me be free but I don't know what to do with myself. | Hello Reddit
I'm [21F] am seeing a lovely guy [20M] who encourages me to be my own person. All my previous relationships have involved living in the other person's pocket, however, this guy isn't like that. He is a huge introvert (I am an extrovert) and isn't big on communication etc unless we are physically together (roughly twice a week).
I really appreciate this. However, after being lied to, cheated on and having some horrific experiences, this is resulting in me feeling both paranoid and frightened and despite his encouragement, I am finding myself clinging to him. He doesn't particularly appreciate this and thinking about it, it isn't a behaviour I would like to continue, either. What steps psychologically can I take to improve this?
I feel incredibly lucky to have met someone who allows me such freedom without a guilt trip. I understand that I need to fill my spare time with hobbies and other people, but I'm struggling to find anything that sticks and often end up feeling discouraged and reflecting that back onto him. How can I get myself to commit to something when I easily lose my willpower? | I want to be my own person. I want to be 'out there' and most of all, I want to stop relying on relationships and friends to bring my happiness? |
t3_2vtvec | relationships | I think my boyfriend might propose tomorrow. | As the title states, I think my boyfriend (28m) might propose to me (29f) tomorrow. We've been together for about a year and a half but we were good friends for a couple years before we got together. I love him tremendously. He's a wonderful man.
We talk all the time about our future. We talk about our wedding, our marriage, our future children...he calls me his fiancee-to-be. So a proposal is inevitable. But it could actually be tomorrow.
I hate that I suspect something because I would love to be completely taken off guard and surprised. And I hate that I suspect something because I'm terrified of the disappointment I'll feel if he doesn't propose. I'm trying not to get my hopes up but I've always had an overactive imagination so my mind just keeps wandering.
And even if he does propose, I'm terrified of that as well. It's a moment I've waited for all my life and it may finally be upon me. How am I supposed to prepare myself for something of this magnitude while simultaneously not getting my hopes up?
A little part of me is also nervous about agreeing to spend my entire life with someone but that's really secondary because I know there's absolutely no one else for me.
He works nights and won't be home until around 2am. He said he won't be coming straight to bed because he has to "set something up" downstairs. He's also made me swear not to go downstairs in the morning until he's awake because if I do it'll "ruin Valentine's Day". All I can say is that it'll be a long, sleepless night for me.
All I'm looking for is a way to calm myself down and enjoy Valentine's Day with the love of my life, regardless of what happens. | My boyfriend might propose and I'm freaking out about how to cope with disappointment if he doesn't...and how to cope if he does. |
t3_47pdwi | travel | Do you think traveling in North Korea is ethical? | As a travel agent working for TanSuo Cultural Travel (a company that specialises in tours throughout China and Asia), I'm often in contact with travel bloggers and tourists who have either been to North Korea (the DPRK) or who want to go.
Our company does not provide tours to North Korea because we think it is unethical, but I'd be interested to see what the reddit community thinks.
A lot of travel bloggers who have been to NoKo argue that, if Westerners don't continue to visit the country, then our cultures will never intermingle and North Koreans will continue to believe in the hateful propaganda they receive regarding the West.
On the flip side, travelers like myself are firmly aware that all of the money goes to the corrupt regime and that the small slice of NoKo that tourists are allowed to see is completely non-representative of the country as a whole. | Do you think it's ethical to travel in North Korea? And why would you choose to travel/refuse to travel in NoKo? |
t3_2nszh1 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my ex-gf [18 F] 4 months, she bit my ass, I tickled her for a half hour. We have been fighting over this for a month. | Hello couples,
I have been with this same girl since early August this summer. She is a great girl all-around, and we are in love.
The problem is that one of the last times we were making love, she got up to use the bathroom, came back, and bit me very hard on my left butt-cheek.
To relent and fight back I tickled her armpits non-stop for a little less than half an hour at a garden commons that we used to visit often.
On the next visit she tried to tickle me back on my arm pits, but I would not let her and continued to tickle her a lot more.
This was about 2 months ago. Although it is obvious that she is angry at me for it, she will not tell me this is the reason and hides under various guises as to why she has not seen me much for almost 2 months. I would gladly let her tickle my arm pits for as long as she wants, if it means that she will come visit me soon. | My girlfriend bit my but really hard, so I tickled her for a little too long, girlfriend is mad at me and decided to take a break because of this. How do I rebuild our relationship? |
t3_2l6blg | books | How do you become well-rounded as a new reader? | I'm about to embark on a quest to read the hundreds of books that I own and countless more, after pretty much being a non-reader. One thing that seems to be a challenge is to stay well-rounded as a reader. My list includes classics, sci-fi/fantasy, science, biography/memoir, comics — different kinds of things, basically.
The problem is two-fold: First, there are definitely genres/periods that I'm missing from my list. The one that concerns me most given the recent GoodReads vote is contemporary books, as in the past ten years or so. Apparently Cormac McCarthy's *The Road* is on the verge of becoming a modern classic, and I have that, but that's pretty much it I think. I haven't even heard of any of the GR poll books.
The second problem exacerbates the first: I'm a slow-reader. How do I keep up with new books while catching up with classics, modern or otherwise, while getting into my sci-fi pile, my Dark Tower books, my political books, biographies, etc., when I can read maybe two books a month?
Should I just read whatever I feel like, and not worry about being well-rounded? Being well-rounded is important to me, because the alternative is being one-dimensional. Should I read books at random? That would be interesting, like if there was a site with an RNG that picked books for you from a custom list. I don't know if they have that or even if it's a good idea. Should I take on more books at a time? I've never really done that, but maybe. Should I worry about this later, get the habit down for now, and let it fall into place after that? That seems reasonable, but perhaps I should be proactive. | If there was a distinct point where you branched out and eventually became a well-rounded reader, what did you do? |
t3_4n1w5t | relationships | My girlfriend [21 F] told me [21 M] she would stop being a cam girl and is still doing it in secret | Shortly after my girlfriend and I became involved about three months ago, she started working on a cam girl site to make money because she didn't have a job. I wasn't really okay with it but I didn't say anything because I knew she needed some sort of income. Additionally, I felt like I'd be telling her what to do with her body if expressed my concern.
I was more okay with her camming to a general audience, but it was the private chats where she'd masturbate and do other fetish-related things for her customers that I didn't like.
Fast forward to last week. I ended up telling her that I wasn't cool with her camming and I hadn't been since the start. I'm totally at fault for not saying something in the first place, I recognize that.
Regardless, she said would stop and didn't want to do anything to make me uncomfortable. She told me she'd start looking for another job this week.
However, I checked her cam profile yesterday and today after I got off work and discovered she's still been camming. I asked her about her day and, before our conversation, she'd usually tell me she cammed and how it went. Now, she doesn't mention it.
I don't really know how to approach this situation. I don't want to be unfair or controlling. I should have said something from the get-go. Am I being overly jealous by not wanting her to cam? Should I bring it up and how? | My girlfriend told me she would stop being a cam girl, didn't actually stop, and I'm not sure if/how I should bring it up. |
t3_1cem3q | relationship_advice | Can anyone explain my (25/F) ex's (22/M) odd behavior? | I'll make this brief.
I've been in an polyamorous relationship with A for approximately 3 years.
D was a mutual friend of ours, and D and I dated for a year. Couldn't have been happier. Love all round. Then D decides he can't stand A, and breaks up with me because of it. Ouch.
D then tells me I'd have to beg and crawl to get him back, dump A and agree to be his slave and not question anything he says (I'm in a power dynamic with A, but we worked to get there for over a year)
This is obviously unacceptable, and I tell him so. D moves to a different state to run away from me.
Months later, I run into him at a convention. He plays the 'you don't exist game' in front of mutual friends. I'm obviously, visibly hurt by the treatment.
He breaks his silence that night to yell at me via text that I roped our friends into defending me (which...no. Apparently the friends in question chewed him out of their own accord).
After lashing out, calling me a victim, accusing me of awful things, and saying he hopes I'm 'happy in my choice', D flounces.
I write D explaining that I didn't mean to rope anyone into defending me, and that I was hurt by his behavior, but that I still cared for him and hoped he was happy. He replied that he still loves me. (When he broke up with me, he basically shut off his emotions Spock-style and claimed he didn't know if he loved me or not but that it was irrelevant.)
I'm baffled by this hot/cold behavior. I don't hear from him for months, then he's hostile, then he tells me he still loves me?
Not sure what he was trying to accomplish. Can anyone shed some light? Was he simply trying to hurt me/get the last word in? Happy to provide more details if necessary. | Ex runs hot and cold, attacking and accusing me of being a victim and a martyr, then saying he still loves me when not pretending I don't exist. Is he crazy or is this 'normal' ex behavior? Help. |
t3_x1u4y | relationship_advice | [32/m] My [35/F] wife and I are having a complete communication breakdown | Things have been rough for a while. We just had a kid (3 months) so there's the stress and exhaustion from that and the pregnancy before it. I also lost my job about a year and a half ago and have been working freelance/independently since then, so income is low and unstable. We're surviving fine with some passive income and her maternity benefits, but she's very security-conscious so is stressed out anyway.
We end up snapping at each other and fighting over the dumbest things. Our fights are locked in a pretty predictable pattern of defensiveness, arguments that only frustrate the other person, etc.
We usually just sleep it off and are ok in the morning, but we both hate this and don't know how to fix it.
I know the first piece of advice on here (after "dump the bitch you deserve to be happy") is usually "talk to your partner", but that's the thing - we're good at starting the conversations, we just can't end them well.
I guess I'm looking for sort of an underlying way to go into these conversations, or maybe a book that helped someone, or something. We're open to counselling but can't really make that happen right now b/c of the kid, and might try in a few months when we can leave him with other people. | wife and I always end up fighting when we talk, looking for advice or books or something to use as a base for our fixing this |
t3_g26jy | AskReddit | Women of reddit, would you or have you ever started dating a roommate? | I'm a single guy who posted an ad online looking for a roommate and forgot to mention I was a guy. A girl responded but said she was fine with living with a guy and she came to meet me and look at the place. As soon as I opened the door I was struck with her beauty and as I got to know her I realized she's incredibly smart, funny, easy to talk to, witty and kind. We've been living together for several months, get along great, hang out, talk all the time, etc. She had a long distance boyfriend but they just broke up.
She mentioned in the past in a conversation she thought I was good looking, though maybe she was just being nice. Then last night we were drinking and talking and she said she was really happy I was the guy who had this apartment. In another conversation she said if we both move to another city we have to live together. I don't think she's interested, though I'm not good at these things. She is a few years younger too. I'm wondering though, has anyone ever started dating someone that was just a roommate at first? Could this ever work out? Don't worry, I don't hit on her or let her know I really care for her and am attracted to her, the last thing I want is for her to feel uncomfortable living with me and to lose her as a roommate and friend. | I'm a single guy who found a beautiful female roommate who is now single and I really care for her, but I don't want to mess things up or lose her so I'll probably never tell her. |
t3_4vvrho | offmychest | Afraid of a New Chapter | My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 & half years. We first got together in Sophomore year of High School and we're now starting college, however we're going to different colleges. I'm afraid of this whole new change. Many people tell me college changes you and creates a while different person, I'm afraid of her losing feelings or just changing on me completely. At the same time I want her to have the best college experience she can have and to not limit herself because of me and to live it up. And breaking up with her is not an option.
We have both talked about this topic many many times, it gets emotional and she understands exactly how I feel because she feels the same way. She's also afraid of me falling for another girl in college that may have the same interests as me or a girl that may be better than her. I do my best at assuring her of that not happening and telling her to think positively not thinking of the worse case scenarios. However we both try to have the confidence in ourselves of getting through college as a couple but still are afraid of what could happen. People say if it's meant to be it's meant to be. I've been trying not to think about this and push it off til it comes to my mind again. I needed to let this out and I need advice. Does anyone have advice on this situation? | Girlfriend and I are afraid of going to different colleges and are afraid either of us will change and put our relationship at risk. Breaking up isn't an option. Any advice? |
t3_2ybkuk | relationship_advice | She [21/F] got fed up with me [20/M] and left. I don't know what to do can anyone help? | We were fine on thursday but then friday morning she seemed upset. I gave her space but then at about 12pm she broke up with me. I have been trying to talk to her since but I can't make progress. She says I need to just deal with the consequences of my actions (I have a female friend who is STRICTLY just a friend that i've know since long before I dated my girlfriend/ex and we have nicknames for eachother naturally and she found out and doesn't like that). I know I'm not really a good boyfriend. I'm always making her upset but I genuinely feel bad about it I just don't know what to do. We were engaged and it was our anniversary on March 10th. I can't go see her. She lives over 2,500 miles away and i don't have a passport. She won't even let me call her to say goodbye. Someone please help me. If you need more details then just ask. I'll be glad to let you guys know more. | She got jealous about my friendship with another girl and that was just the straw that broke the camels back with all my previous fuckups. She just left and wont talk. Wont let me say goodbye. It's a LDR |
t3_2ffs82 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my Ex [17 F] she is getting crazy or am I? wants to controll if I go to the same clubs... | Sorry for those 2 post shortly after another.
Tonight i got a text saying that: "She doesnt want to see me in a club tomorrow. She and her friend "T" planned it a long time ago and I should stay away to not destroy it. Also i got asked by a friend "B" of hers after her "Idea" two weeks ago."
So here is the thing. Friend "B" asked me already 4 weeks ago. Also nearly all of my friends will go there without even knowing she comes.
I really dont know if i should go but not because of her but me. I am 100% sure i dont want to see her dancing with another guy. But on the other hand because she "gave me the order" not to go i think f*** it and go.
Funny enough that if I knew she would come i propably would have stayed at home.
So reddit what to do? I am a bit at a loss and I dont want to give in.
I will not drink more than a few drinks and she left me 1+ Month ago. | Ex orders me around which leads me to not want to follow orders. But not sure if good for my healing process. |
t3_33zqv6 | relationships | I [22M] wonder what's the point of trying when most relationships hurt and fail | Hey all, please excuse the pessimism. I'll give some context, first:
I've had two girlfriends cheat on me, I've seen my friend cheat and get cheated on, my father has cheated on my mother, etcetera etcetera.
Now, some of these couples broke up, some worked things out, but had major trust issues and horrible arguments (like my parents) for the rest of the relationship.
In other instances, I see friends in relationships that just get tired of one another.
Okay, so what? Well, I have Codependecy issues, for starters. I have trust issues. I get attached to quickly. Essentially, I fear that, 99% or relationships end up in one of three scenarios:
1) some cheats and hurts the other, they break up; 2) someone cheats, they stay together, and have enormous trust issues; 3) nobody cheats, but they grow resentful and out of love with one another, and feel stuck waking up next to
Somebody (if by miracle they still share a bed) that they do not want to be with.
So, then, what's the point? Yes, call me a coward. I AM terrified; terrified of being hurt, terrified of feeling stuck. What's the point of all of this, when the bad feelings consume me, and distract me from my everyday work and severely depress my ability to function?
Thanks. Sorry for such a depressing topic. | most relationships I've seen just fail, due to cheating SOs or falling out of love. I'm terrified. What's the point, then? Hurts too much. |
t3_mv9az | AskReddit | ASU's Campus PD had my car impounded for an "expired parking pass" that was completely valid. What horrible college campus police stories do you have? | I was visiting a friend in one of the campus apartments there. I went to the front office, waited the extra twenty minutes so I would get "today's" pass, and then went and hung out with my friend for about 2 hours.
When I returned downstairs, my car was missing. Holding back the freakout, I trounced on over to the office and asked them politely where my car was.
They said they had no idea, and it had likely been impounded if I had been displaying an expired pass from yesterday. I, less calmly now, explained that I was on my way to work, and my car was now at an impound lot, god-knows-where, with a parking pas for today displayed in the mirror. I followed all of their rules, and suffered for it.
My car returned 2 hours later. That was "as fast as they could return it to me." Things were moved around in my car, and now I have to scrape paint off my windshield. I luckily managed to avoid being fired. | Impound towed my car with a completely valid permit in the mirror. I had to wait in a stuffy front office for it. Almost fired. Totally pissed. |
t3_rjbho | AskReddit | In what ways have you been ruined permanently by something stupid? | My girlfriend is very intelligent (engineer), but she has a minimal grasp on Geography (cue American joke). Last year, we spent a combined 17 days in the UK and Ireland.
Now, I've known for a long time that Britain looks like a rabbit (plain as day to me) and Ireland looks like a buffalo on its side heading North (work with me here!), but it was never a big deal.
I had fewer problems with Ireland (you're less complicated), but I spent months beforehand and the full time in Britain explaining where we were, where we were going, etc by explaining it in terms of "the bunny".
"Loch Ness is up in Northern Scotland. It runs from Inverness and goes Southwest ... (sees this is going nowhere) ... See the Bunny's ears? Loch Ness Separates the Bunny's ears. We can't go there because the trains don't quite go there, because Northern Scotland is sparsely ... (going nowhere again) ... because the ears are empty. No one lives in the Bunny's ears." | Dumbed down Geography has ruined me so that anytime I look at Britain, all I see is a stupid rabbit. |
t3_3i12nq | relationships | I [21/M] am unsure if my friends are my friends. | Some background: I've been with this friend group since high school. Let's call them Dave, Charles and Nick. We've been a close bunch but and we always give each other crap but I feel now I get crap for whatever I do.
My friend and I didn't drink at the time (senior year of high school) but Dave Charlie and Nick drank a ton. My friend and I would always get a ton of crap from them. Eventually gave in and had a drink. They then criticize me not being able to do it correctly.
This cycle would continue through college but the topics would change constantly with topics such as my diet, my workout routine, not having a summer job, the store I worked at for my summer job etc.
Flash forward to now, I'm in my third year of college. Anytime I bring up the gym I get made fun of for my diet which is a sensitive spot for me since I was a picky eater as a kid and am now just expanding my horizons. So whenever they make fun of it I get legitimately angry since they give no constructive criticism only insults.
I'm wondering am I being too sensitive? Or do I need to cut ties and find a new friend group? | friend group constantly criticizes me for not doing what they want, want to know if I'm being too sensitive or if I should cut ties |
t3_28t7md | relationships | Me [20/F] with my boyfriend (?) [22 M] of a year, not sure the best way to help him in his difficult time. | Hey guys. I'll try to keep this short. My boyfriend just graduated from university this past spring, and although he has been applying, he has no job prospects right now. The past couple months have been very discouraging for him, and he's started to spiral into a depression. He confessed to me that he has lost about 15 lbs in a couple months and said he doesn't care about anything (friends, our relationship, activities) anymore.
I can tell that he's really hurting, but I don't know how to help. He has asked me to stay away from him right now because he doesn't want to hurt me with his indifference towards things. He said that this is only a temporary thing and he doesn't want me to see him like this. The problem is, I know this is only temporary. I know he isn't like this. He has said that I'm a great girlfriend, but he's afraid of hurting me during this problem.
He refuses to get help from his doctor and assured me that things will just change by themselves over time. I feel like if I leave him for the summer to let him figure things out, I will be abandoning him. I know that bothering him when he wants space will only make things worse, but at the same time, the problem isn't the two of us. It's his state of mind. Otherwise, we are great together and he has told me that he still loves me.
How can I show him that I am still here for him while respecting his wishes? I want him to know that I would rather stay by his side and help him than leave him alone. Has anyone been in a similar situation that could offer advice? | Boyfriend is depressed and wants me to leave him alone so he doesn't hurt me. I want to stay and help him. Unsure of the best way to approach things. |
t3_og0jc | AskReddit | I need the advise of the Muslim community. | [This] post was made yesterday about a Muslim British Citizen who was supposedly held and tortured by the CIA. Part of that torture was "parading nude women" in front of him. A redditor semi-jokingly commented "what kind of torture is that????"
A popular response to his comment [was] "How about this scenario: I'm going to hang you up on a wall, and parade naked children in front of you in sexually suggestive positions. Or your cousin stripped naked. Or your mother. Someone sexually taboo to you.
Disgusted/humiliated yet? Because that's the equivalent, tailored for American culture." Apparently much of reddit agrees with this statement.
I responded [with] "i'm sorry, but that's complete horse shit. It may be taboo in their culture to look at naked women, but at the end of the day, men still see women everyday, and have sex with them, and have children. Men don't have sex with children or their cousins or their mothers with any sort of regularity. Comparing this man seeing naked women to me seeing naked children is ridiculous. The two scenarios are nowhere near the same. It would be more like showing my grandmother porn. She's be offended, but at the end of the day, it's nothing she hasn't seen before." This was heavily downvoted. The argument continued from there.
I'm sorry, but this one I can't just drop. It's too important to my understanding of the Muslim community (also my friend Ravi thinks its complete horse shit also, and he's Muslim... not to play that card, but it's bothering both of us) So, I appeal to the rest of the Muslim community for an answer. Does what this man experience, solely the part about the parading of naked women, does that equate to me being having naked children or my mother paraded in front of me in the eyes of the Muslim community? | Is seeing a naked general women in sexual situations to a Muslim the same as seeing children or relatives in sexual situations to an American? |
t3_po1yr | self | What would you do? | Well my wife and I just separated for what truly seems to be the final time(long story so I'll share that one later), and I'm currently in an iffy situation. I live in the Bay area of California serving as a soldier, and the readily available housing is extremely expensive(around 1650 a month). I could keep paying for the house easily but I believe a small condo would be much more suitable for my needs. The only problem is I have 2 cats and 2, 11 week old, puppies and a majority of the places I've found only allow 1 animal if any at all. Should I ruck up the price and deal with half my paycheck disappearing monthly or should I take the options I have to move into a smaller, but most likely better quality house/apartment. I'm only 20 years old and the whole housing game is a bit of an enigma to me. It also doesn't help that every day is usually a 15 hour work day. | I want to move out of shitty military housing that is super expensive but I have many restraints and 4 awesome pets to worry about. What would you do Reddit? |
t3_3u9wyq | relationships | My [23 F] boyfriend [21 M] of six months is going to court tomorrow & shutting me out and I can't deal with it. | I won't go into the legal issues that my partner is facing, but all I will say is he was mentally unwell and gathered up a fair list of traffic offences. He didn't hurt anyone else, only himself. I'm in Australia and he's going to the magistrates court - they deal with minor offences such as traffic infringements, shoplifting etc.
He could face a maximum sentence of 18 months imprisonment. His state-appointed lawyer (legal aid) reckons he's looking at a huge fine and community service. His licence will be suspended for three years, also. I'll be his chauffeur. He's been in legal trouble before, but they've been dealt with.
I'll call him Adam. I adore Adam with every fiber of my being and I know he loves me the same. But he's been shutting me out for the past week or two (inc. withholding affection) even though he promised he wouldn't. I'm absolutely terrified and I can't talk to my parents about this because my mother dislikes him enough already (due to other factors like the fact that he's poor and "brought me down in life"). My friends are so wrapped up with their own lives and I feel so alone.
I know this isn't about me, but it still affects me and my main support person is shutting down. We're meant to be a team and deal with life's challenges together. This is probably one of the most stressful things we will face and the fact that things are falling apart isn't filling me with confidence.
I'm questioning the foundations of our relationship but not prepared to end things. I'm hoping this is just a short-term stressor but if we can't deal with stressful instances like this how will we manage the inevitable problems in the future that life will throw at us?
There are other things impacting our relationship, mainly money issues and I'm aware one of the greatest predictors of relationship deterioration is bickering over money. I'm a uni student and he's an "unskilled worker" (high school graduate, little tertiary education) so well paying jobs are very hard for him to come by. | My partner and I facing extreme stress and he's shutting me out. Now questioning foundation of relationship. Worried we won't be able to deal with things. |
t3_2ak71k | relationships | I'm a [23M], and I left my number on the table for a waitress that works at a restaurant I go to very often. | She hasn't contacted me, and I don't think she will. It's a bummer but hey, it happens! I've been going to this specific 24 hour diner 2-3 times a week for a few months. I love the food and I like having somewhere to chill at 3/4AM.
Ideally I would have received a message saying she wasn't interested so I could tell her it's no big deal and we'd be on the same page. However, I understand not wanting to inadvertently give your number to someone you don't reciprocate interest with.
So the important question is...when can I go back without anyone feeling awkward? I'm hungry :( | Gave waitress my number. She didn't respond, which is fine. I'm hungry, when can I go back? |
t3_2r9ztd | relationships | I've had feelings for my best friend for over a year now and I'm going crazy. | So I (M-18) have had feelings for my best friend (F-18) for over a year after she started telling me she liked me while I was still in high school. (I'm now in college and she's still in high school.) She was also dating a cousin of mine who was a female, but said she no longer had feelings for her.
We tried to make things work many many times and she always changed her mind. (Pretty sure because she still had something for my cousin although she said otherwise). I tried not to be too clingy and be nothing but nice she wasn't 'feeling" it. As time progressed, I got more and more attached and so did she (while still dating my cousin on and off). All this led to more heartbreak that I've lost count.
I stopped trying, till recently she contacted me again (im now in college) and she's been single for some time. Lucky me right? Since I still had feelings for her.
We've been talking for months again. She says she has feelings for me and she loves me, but she says she doesn't "feel" it and it's "not consistent" and she can't be "the one" for me. She feels lonely and wants to be happy while so do I. We can make eachother happy, right? Any ideas on what might be going on through her head?
Why she might not "feel" it or can't be "the one" or why her feelings aren't "consistent." | Try to help me clear things up. I'm continuing to move on and get over it, but I'd like some sort of answer or relief. |
t3_1wvus2 | relationships | Me [31F] just spent a year of a 2yr relationship doing long distance, and he just ended it. | Me [31F] just spent a year of a 2yr relationship doing long distance, and he just ended it.
we were planning to get married at the end of this year but we have been fighting a lot over the past 4mths. Mainly over him signing a new contract to stay another year on the other side of the country.
I am angry he did this but i know he is the one. He is angry at me for not making the move to come join him but I would have no life there.
So all of this anger and resentment caused many fights and instead of dealing with it like an adult he just gave up and said its over.
I know he adores me and loves me as much as I do him, so when he wanted to end it i suggested time out and a break so we can figure out a compromise. I also hoped if we do split we could be friends so when he does move back here we could work things out. He always said no matter what happens we will be in each others lives. Any other time we have fought he has been the one saying we can get through this, and we will end up together regardless.
He said its too hard for him to even speak to me right now. He has blocked my calls and has blocked me on all social media.
Im devastated, he was my best friend, even though we were so far apart we talked all the time, and were very much a part of each others lives.
I want to work things out but I don't want to look desperate or needy. I don't know how to handle this situation at all and cant believe he has shut me out like this.
Im lost, what can I do???? | Long distance relationship hit the skids, BF has not only dumped me but shut me out of his life completely. I dont kow what to do. |
t3_1ovkba | relationships | [25 M] | I was homeschooled, and due to shyness, degree choice, and some really bad injuries, I didn't socialize much in college.
My type is introverted (or at least 50% introverted) girls who are athletic, intelligent, and talkative. I love listening (to smart people), and I'm kinda an adrenalin-seeker. I'd much rather go sky diving than go to a party or go clubbing.
I've had few close female friends, and all have been super extroverted. I'm used to letting girls make all the moves, and I don't know what to do!
Now that my injuries are better, I'm trying some sports out, but it's hard for me because I'm super athletic, but I never played sports growing up. I also just get really shy, and only talk to guys and extroverted girls.
So, if you are an introverted, talkative girl and just met an introverted guy who seems nice, what would you like him to do??? | How do I talk to introverted girls? I'm used to letting extroverted girls make all the moves... |
t3_2v5y1k | tifu | TIFU by bathing my dog | Today I fucked up while giving my dog a bath. It started at about 8 in the morning, my dog being the curious little shit she is, walked right up to a skunk and tried to PLAY WITH IT... That was her FU. Now my FU was trying to give her a bath. I got out all the soap, waited for the water to warm up etc, and tried to bathe her. But I miss-calculated. I forgot that out of my two identical dogs, one HATES water. And its the one that was sprayed by that damn skunk. So now I have an incredibly stinky dog, a large cut down my right arm, and a bloody bath tub I can't clean. | Dog that hates water was sprayed by a skunk so when I tried bathing her I got a huge cut down my arm so I can't clean up the bloody bath tub. |
t3_1yeu16 | relationships | Me [24 ] and new interest [23] have been dating for over a month, when should I bring up my marijuana use (medicinal purposes) ? | Hi Reddit,
Looking for some input on when I should bring up this topic. I smoke weed on a nightly basis to battle my (self-diagnosed/lifelong problem) insomnia. Without it, I get 2-3 hours of sleep maximum after tossing/turning for 5 hours. With, I knock out after 30 minutes and am able to sleep 6+ hours.I admit that it also serves to wind me down, though this is not the purpose I began smoking. Rarely do I use it recreationally -- maybe once a month, about an hour earlier than I normally smoke before sleep). My life and success have improved greatly after starting this remedy (GPA skyrocketed, landed a job in my field, etc.).
She hasn't explicitly spoken out against weed, however on our first or second date I asked if she's ever smoked anything. Her answer was no and the question wasn't returned to me.
Level of seriousness: We started dating 5 weeks ago and have seen each other every weekend since. We had sex twice last weekend and discussed/confirmed exclusivity, although we don't refer to each other as girlfriend/boyfriend quite yet. I can see us dating for quite a while, so I know this isn't something I want to hide from her forever.
Do I owe it to her to tell her immediately? She's coming over this weekend for our first full day/night over together.
Please advise! | New relationship, smoke weed nightly to sleep, she doesn't touch the stuff. When do I bring it up? |
t3_3qux2c | tifu | TIFU by trying to prank pedophiles online | First of all, sorry if I make any mistake, english very difficult.
So this actually happened when I was 12 (I'm a 21 yo male).
I didn't have my own computer at the time and my mom would be very strict about my use of the mighty Internet, she thought it would distract me from school and deprave my pure and innocent soul. Boy did that go well....
One day I went online with some dorky friends and one of them showed us a pretty funny game. You go on a free chatroom for teenagers, you register as a 12 year old girl and you just wait... At some point, a wild pedophile would appear and you just gotta catch him. You pretend you're naive, innocent, sometimes curious about "*this strange feeling I have when I put my finger down there....*.". And then you say "*It's just a prank bro ! LOL*"
Anyway, some days later I found my sister's password and I was able to go online as much as I wanted. First things first, I went on a chatroom and registered as Hotgirl66. It wasn't as fun as before, maybe because I was alone so I stopped pretty quickly.
The day after, my mom and my two sisters (18 and 20 at that time) called me in the kitchen. "*So.... Hotgirl66 ?*". Oh boy....
Now remember when I say I was new to the whole Internet thing ?
As I registered to the chatroom, I've accidentally downloaded some kind of plug-in which changed the firefox frontpage and next to the Bing search bar, there was written "Welcome back Hotgirl66!" with a link to the chatroom
So I try to explain it to them but fuck even the truth is ridiculous. From time to time, my sisters remind me of this and it hurts me a lot. | Make up a fake account to prank pedophiles on chatroom. Family thinks I'm a 12 yo cross-dresser prostitute. |
t3_21kdst | relationships | Parents left the country, I [24F] have to care for my sister [18F]? | So my parents moved out of the country recently, and I find myself trying to fend for not only myself but also my sister, who's in college. I recently graduated from college and have been living in a tiny tiny apartment trying to make ends meet, but it hasn't been easy. Sometimes I have to ask for help. But I'd really like to become independent and save up some money, vs always feeling like I'm indebted to my parents.
I recently got a job offer for a full time position and am excited to make enough to survive and flourish on my own. However, my parents have been asking about the summer and where my sister will go. My current apartment is a studio ~400 sq feet and there's little space for me and my sister. We can make it work, but I think there won't be very much personal space. I really, really wish I could make my sister feel more at home in my apartment, for her to feel like she can stay and have her own room and not be bothered, but as it is, it's very cramped.
I'm conflicted because I want her to feel like she can stay over, but I also want to make sure I save up enough for the future. As it stands, my housing is 25% of my income, which I'm kind of uncomfortable with. If I find a 2 br, or even a 1 br, it'll cost twice as much, and I really would feel bad spending 50% of my income on housing, esp when she stays over only during breaks. I also wonder how much of a responsibility I have to fend for her needs. I'm not her parent, and I don't feel it's fair, exactly, for me to try to give her the kind of environment we had when our parents had a house here - I just don't have the income to match it.
I feel guilty and sad but at the same time, entitled to spend my earnings as I see fit. I'm not a total scrooge, but I just wish I could find a way to compromise between all parties. | Parents left my sister and I in this country on our own - I can't afford a 1 or 2 br apartment (it would be 50% of my salary): how do I care for her in the summer? |
t3_1q2c40 | relationships | I [21F] was contacted by my [23M] engaged ex (broke up three years ago). Is it a bad idea to talk? | So my ex and I were together for about 18 months when he broke up with me (this happened three years ago). I didn't really want to break up, but I knew we were heading that way (it wasn't a surprise). We had broken up before, though--it was a typical teenage relationship in which he would break up with me because he thought he loved someone else. It happened maybe four times. As far as I know, he was never "with" anyone else physically, but he did like/love other people.
He is engaged and living with her. He seems to have really grown up. As far as I know, they are happy, but as we aren't talking I couldn't judge that for sure. We clicked instantly as people, so I do miss him as a friend.
He's been my friend on Facebook this whole time, but I recently deleted him because we typically don't talk. He tweeted me (he follows me) and said, after a bit of a contentious back-and-forth, that he misses me and wants us to actively talk.
He was my first love and he really broke my heart, but what worries me the most is that, when he was with me, he would start talking to girls quite actively on social media and that usually led to him breaking up with me. Is it wrong for me to assume this is him emotionally ignoring/abusing his fiancée? I don't want to enable this, even if I miss him. | Is it okay to talk to my ex who has a history of talking to girls before he breaks up with/cheats on his girlfriend? |
t3_2u8mzd | relationships | How would I[23F] go about telling my boyfriend[24M] of 2 years that I want future children to have my last name? | My boyfriend and I have known each other for four years and started dating two years ago. While we're not going through with marriage or anything, we have talked about living together in the long term. We have talked about children before and both of us want them, however I have an issue: I want our children to have my last name.
To me, I don't see how our children having my boyfriend's last name is any different than our children having my last name. A lot of women don't change their last name after marriage, so I don't see how that can't extend to children. We love each other very much and I don't personally see how a last name can change our relationship.
My last name is unique and I'm very fond of it. I am also the end of my family(in terms of last name) line. My grandfather had two daughters and a son, and his son has me as his only child. Both my aunts have married and taken their husbands' last name and their children are the same.
I don't want my family name to end with me. While my family may not have done anything spectacular in history, I'm rather fond and proud of my family. All of my immediate relatives have good relations with each other.
So it's a stupid problem, and a lot of people may think "why should your children have to take your name?" to which I would reply "why should my children have to take my husband's name?" Even if my relationship with my boyfriend doesn't work out(and I doubt it will), I still have the same problem. | I want any future children of our to have my last name because I don't want my family name to end, as I am proud of my family. |
t3_zxdvr | AskReddit | While watching the six o'clock news with my conservative family during Easter dinner, I discovered I used to work with a man who had just been arrested for child pornography. I spit my food out and yelled "Jesus fucking christ". Reddit, what's the most awkward way you've ruined a holiday meal? | Back story, I had worked as a temp at a major corporation for about 4 months. During this time they also hired that guy to work with me so we could get this job done. I was fairly young at the time, 19, and he was in his late 20s or early 30s, I don't remember.
Anyways, he had always seemed like a weirdo. He thought he was this super genius with computers, and constantly had bragged about working at other corporations that sounded impressive. Some were governmental positions, and one was a fortune 500 company. I didn't care, no one else did either.
We worked in the IT department, ie, the place there are probably smarter nerds then you, so I wouldn't put illegal shit on my computer there.
The job was done so I left (also had school to start) and he stayed to do another job and got fired pretty quickly. It turns out he went temp job to temp job for years. Then he got a job at the NSA or some place like that. The dumb ass plugged his computer into their system and someone there hacked his files, discovered the kiddie porn, and was promptly arrested.
He had male kid porn from ages 3-8, thousands of different kids.
I hope his asshole is permanently ripped. Or at worst, he's dead. Sick fucker.
During the meal after I said that, my mom said that I had "basically ruined Easter". I had a shun look from them for a couple days after that. They got over it eventually though. | I worked every day with a kiddie porn collector for months, discovered during Easter dinner and more or less ruined it. |
t3_2qvsax | relationships | Me [24F] with my live in BF [28 M], he texts and messages his friends constantly and it drives me crazy | My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years now. We've lived together for around 2.5.
We live relatively far from his twin brother and he has a tight knit group of friends who all live decently far too. We go visit when we can but it comes out to about 3-4 times a year. They have a fantasy football league and various text messaging and Facebook groups, plus constant Snapchats and they are always in contact. My boyfriend is always on his phone texting in the group chats, FB messages, posting on each others walls etc etc.
Is it wrong of me to be so against this? It honestly really bothers me. Not a day goes by without them messaging each other.
I love his friends and his brother, but I just wish he could back off of it a little. I've talked to him about this before and how it makes me feel and he says he gets it, but nothing changes. Am I crazy to be bothered by this or am I being reasonable? How do I deal with this situation? | Boyfriend of 3.5 years is constantly texting and messaging his friends. I want him to stop or at make it less constant. Am I overreacting? How do I deal with this? |
t3_1hoevl | relationship_advice | [18/M] Am I being to jealous of my [17/F]GF's male friends? | Throw away because a few friends know my reddit account.
So a couple of nights ago me, my gf[17/F], and two guys decided it would be fun to sneak into the local swim club at 1AM and go for a swim. Now I'm not the best of friends with these guys, and the only reason I know them is through her, but they've seemed cool, and shes been friends with them for ages. When we get inside she immediately takes off her clothes and is now standing on the edge of the pool in nothing but her bra and panties, so I playfully pick her up and throw her in the pool.
Now as shes swimming across the pool and we're all undressing to join her one of the guys jokingly says "Damn, PHDDavid you know how long I've been trying to tap that ass?" Because I can take a joke I just smiled and jumped in.
However the entire time we were in the pool these guys would flirt with her, and they would find every excuse in the book to touch her. Now I've been with my girlfriend for 18 months now, and I would trust her with my life, so I continued to just shrug it off until at one point they were on both sides of her trying to like literally double penetrate her in the pool. Now my girlfriend as smart as she is didn't pick up what was going on, or just enjoyed it, and she just smiled and giggled in her cute adorable way. This is where I drew the line, and I got out of the pool and said its getting late we gotta go.
I'm lost reddit. Should I ask her to stop hanging around them, because of my own jealousy, or should I just accept it and move on? | My GF was pretty much naked being sandwiched by two long term male friends in a pool who continued to flirt with her the entire night. |
t3_3frv21 | books | First book I have read in 13 years...until I picked up Artemis fowl. | Little back story, I was "home schooled" by my mom. so last time I was In school was 1st grade. I never really went back and still haven't seems like it would take to long. I do have a HS degree but that's it. Since I was 9 I haven't read one book. My wife on the other hand loves books and I wanted to have something new to talk to her about because our marriage isn't going so great. She is on the 4th book of artemis fowl and in the last week I have finished the 1st artemis fowl and almost read the 2nd in 2 days most likely will finish tonight. My point being is this book is amazing never thought I would stay up till 12:30am because I couldn't put a book down they usually make me fall to sleep in 2 minutes reading. | havn't read a book in 13 years. artemis fowl is my new addiction found because I'm trying to get into the same hobbies as my wife. |
t3_3jvhl5 | relationships | Am I [27F] being paranoid about my BF [31M]? | Boyfriend and I have been together about 3 months. We were still in the honeymoon period when he said some things that made me feel unwanted and I replied thusly with many hurt/angry texts. He said it was uncalled for and I apologized for going off on him. A lot of small things that irked me about him had built up and it came out in a rush.
Since then, I've apologized and he said he forgives me.
Now boyfriend is away from 3 weeks for work as he is in another continent. We haven't talked much since he left.
I send him little "Hi how is your day?" and cute little messages. He doesn't really respond. But I am able to see he is online and just not messaging me.
Should I ask him why he is not talking with me? Should I just ignore the distance and wait for him to contact me? He is posting left and right pictures on Facebook so obviously he has internet access.
I am a bit hurt that I told him,"It has only been a week and I miss you!" His reply: "I miss [his dog]."
He is a bit emotionally constipated and I am very vocal about my emotions on an hourly basis so I don't know what to think.
Am I being paranoid at the lack of communication with me? Is this a tactic to fade out so he can break up with me?
(And yes. This sounds whiney and petulant for a grown ass woman but I don't have much dating experience or that many close friends to confide in so I must ask internet strangers). | Boyfriend hasn't been communicating with me since he left a week ago and what little communication is done is stilted and feels forced. Is he emotionally distancing himself from me and what should I do to rectify this situation? |
t3_1863m4 | AskReddit | Hey, Reddit! I just found out my brother works at a bar in a casino two hours from where I live. I'm adopted, and I've never met him before. What is the most awesome way to introduce myself? | I'm a female in my late twenties, my brother is probably 24. I was adopted at birth. I recently met my biological grandmother, and she was freaking rad (she offered me a hug, a beer, and a sandwich... in that order, right after opening the door). From her I learned that:
*My mom had really, really wanted to keep me but had no job or prospects and couldnt find support (she went into the army right after I was born)
*My mom is recenttly got married to a man who does not know I exist-- and my mom will probably be reluctant to meet because of that, and I don't to push her
*I have a brother!!! and he is almost the same age as my adopted brother that I grew up with :)
*My brother always pined for a sibling, struggled with loneliness growing up, and would proabably be really happy to learn that I exist
Yes, I am really curious about my mom, too, and yes, I would like to meet her one day... but it's a little more complicated. In the case of my brother, I am just flat out psyched to meet him. I've Facebook-stalked him a little bit, and he seems really cool. We have a lot of similar interests, and he seems like a nice guy with a wacky sense of humor. Soooooo....
what is the most awesome way to walk into a bar/casino and announce that you are someone's long lost relative?
So far my best idea is to sit down, strike up a conversation, and bet him a beer that I can tell him something about himself that he doesn't know.
But I'm sure I can do better. People of the internet, help a sister out! | Suggesions for funny introductions/dramatic entrances for meeting your long lost brother for the first time while he is working as a bartender. |
t3_wtrlm | relationship_advice | [23/m] I'm having a serious issue with one of my closest friends of three years [21/m]. What should I do/am I being unreasonable? | I just graduation from college, and have totally lost touch with one of my best friends (or at least someone I thought was my best friend) in the last two months. I have made plans with him several times, including plans to celebrate my birthday, and each time he has bailed out at the last minute. I live in a place without cell phone service or a dedicated land line, so contacting him has been very hard.
While this was going on, on of my coworkers (who is both a mutual friend and my ex-girlfriend) and he have "hooked up" several times, without telling me. He has been contacting her on a regular basis. I feel disrespected and betrayed by someone I thought I was close to, and don't really know how to handle the situation and that he isn't worth my time or friendship. Am I wrong? | Best friend has ignored me while simultaneously hooking up with my co-worker/ex-girlfriend (same person). I feel like he isn't worth my time or friendship |
t3_29sfe9 | relationships | Help! Are my (24/f) bf (27/m) and his female friend (2?/f) too close? | I have been dating L for over a year and while we've had our fights, we are doing well now. Early in our dating days, I was introduced to S, one of L's neighbors who lives above him. He has always had nice things to say about her and she seemed alright to me.
However L and S hang out a lot. They go to dinner ( with other friends) and parties. And one time in passing he mentioned that she came to his apt and they hung out and drank wine.
Here is why I feel uncomfortable: L called earlier to let me know his evening plans. I can't go out because I'm currently studying. However he mentioned inviting S to a coworker's party where they would be playing beer pong. I asked, "oh, is S good at beer pong?" He said not really, but she wanted to hang out that night so he invited her along. He also mentioned that if I changed my mind about going out, to let him know and to come along.
I feel uncomfortable with their friendship because 1) she is perpetually single 2) L told me she only dates black guys and my bf is black 3) she doesn't believe in monogamy. I want to know if its unreasonable or controlling for me to state that I'm uncomfortable with their close relationship and whether its even reasonable for me to be uncomfortable with it, please help! | BF has close female friend that is also his neighbor and they hang out together, without me (although I'm invited but can't go) what do I do? |
t3_3h1d8z | relationships | Me [30 M] and co-worker girlfriend [36 F] of 6 months, argue about our sleep schedules. | She and I work at the same company but do not directly interact in our job functions. We dated as friends for the first two months and have been pretty serious since then. Currently we do not live together though we may in a few months. Note, I have and kind of do think she is the one though I have my reservations about her quirks that I have yet to deal with regularly such as our sleep patterns...
I like to get 6.5 hours of sleep from 1:30am-8am and an hour nap when i get home at ~6pm. That way I'm refreshed and energized to work out, clean, work overtime from home, meet with friends, etc. I'm refreshed for when I get to do my life. She likes to go to bed at 11pm and get a full 8 hours to wake at 7am.
I've picked up that she is really fixated on getting 8 hours sleep. She is type A, driven, smart, a perfectionist, very health conscious, and more of a good girl type than I thought I'd fall for.
I'm now a 'good' guy about 6 years out from my 'bad' boy days. And I don't like going to bed early b/c A) I don't have to anymore B) I feel old going to sleep before mid night and C) waking up after a nap feels good! I get the feeling after my hour nap that I've got a 2nd chance at the day. As though I get to start over, rebirth/renewal.
I'm wondering if I'm going to resent her in the long run if I change to her ways b/c as a type A perfectionist I do not believe she is capable of changing her sleep pattern/habits/ideals for me. I though am flexible and adaptive, accommodative.
And she can't sleep with someone touching her b/c she is a light sleeper. She wears ear plugs at night to prevent from waking up. | Can the fact that I am ok with less than 8 hours of sleep end a relationship with some who requires a mandatory 8 hours every night? |
t3_3vy1ja | relationships | I'm [21 M] a loser who is still falling for the same girl [21 F] for the past many years. I vowed to improve myself and move on, but now she is back in both person and my mind. | I'm going to try to keep it short and simple. Can't think straight.
There was this girl who I found to be the most perfect girl I have ever met. But, she she didn't like me back. At first I thought I had a chance. Things were going great. I felt like I was on top of the world. Her friends gave hints that I should ask her out. Unfortunately, she takes ages to respond to my texts and flakes out on the day of whenever I ask for us to hangout. The last message I ever got from her was when we finished high school. She just stopped. A month later, she got a boyfriend that I never even heard of.
I hated myself for trying, so I vowed to better myself, to find someone better and to be happy. Well, years in college and I have yet to find someone who meet my standards. Years in college and I have yet to meet my own standards. I'm doing pretty well in terms of academics, doing research, getting only A's in classes, getting more fit, making new friends, but I'm still not good enough in terms of looks and other skills. I'm still a loser.
Now she's back in my life. She started texting me out of the blue and we started texting again. I even asked her out hangout one time and surprisingly we did. She still has her boyfriend. Seeing her with her boyfriend doesn't make me happy. In fact, it gets in the way of my studies. I don't want to flat out ignore her, but I don't feel good anymore. I love seeing her smile. It truly makes my day. I still see her as the most perfect girl.
I'm not looking for petty, just for solutions. She texts me more than usual (although still hate waiting for replies). I still like her. I haven't found anybody better. But I know she's way out of my reach. I really don't know what I want. I want to be with her, but at the same time, seeing her kinda hurts. What can I do? | It's been years, yet I still like her. But she has a boyfriend and doesn't like me back. I can't seem to move on and find someone better. |
t3_29pp9q | relationships | 19F looking for dating advice | Any advice/criticism/anecdotes are very much appreciated!
I have had a boyfriend since I was in 2nd grade, most of the relationships lasting about a year. Obviously the majority of those "relationships" were just holding hands and going to the roller rink together, but from 14-16 I was in an abusive relationship and from 16-19 I was in an extremely intense relationship where we lived together for a year and a half. It was a really horrible breakup and while I don't want to be with him, I'm not completely over it.
Anyway, I'm kinda fed up with relationships. However, I'm currently flirting my pants off, going on dates, being independent and having a great time. I've never experienced casual dating before and I love it!
The problem I'm having is that boys have a tendency to want to become exclusive by our second date. I don't want a relationship now and I also don't feel ready for much beyond kissing.
I'm really worried about being hurtful/misleading and I was wondering how to communicate my feelings to guys in a polite and considerate way while still being pretty firm. I've tried a few times to explain this to guys and while they've acted super understanding and okay with it, they go on to write me songs about marrying me or get upset when they see me with another guy.
Any other tips for casual dating would be very greatly appreciated, I'm kinda just guessing as I go along and I'd really really like to not hurt anyone's feelings. | How do I communicate my intentions to/set boundaries with guys in a clear, kind, and firm way? Is it okay to stop talking to guys who overstep the boundaries? |
t3_10aucr | dating_advice | hey r/dating_advice 17 year old guy here and im sorta into this girl[17] but cant have a gf right now/ just got out of a serious relationship and dont know what to do about her | well so there's this girl that I've started hanging out with. totally my type, just fun to be around, happy, positive, easy to talk to (nothing like my ex ;) ).
We've hung out a couple of times at her house and have been texting back and forth a little bit but i haven't made a move yet because i really cant have a girlfriend right now, just do to work, studying, and school. i also dont want to be the guy that strings this girl along and plays with her emotions, and i recently got out of a 2 year long relationship and dont want her to be some sort of rebound.
should i tell her this? i feel like if i put it out there it would help our friendship a bit or too somthing along that extent. but in another sense its not that awkward right now so would saying something be a bad idea? would i just be ruining a possibly great friendship? | dont know what to do with this girl i kinda like because ive been in a relationship for the past 2 years and dont have the time |
t3_36nhte | tifu | TIFU by getting too high at the beginning of a relationship | Again, like most FU's, this happened years ago. The summer between junior and senior year of high school to be precise. So about 8 years ago.
Anyway, as a bit of a back story, I had just started having a fling with the "beautiful rich girl" that every school class has. This girl was voted Best Looking, and her parents were loaded. It was awesome for me. However, this is a story about how I first met her Mom.
So this girl (let's call her Christina) was with her friend at their house (Danielle) getting real drunk together. While I was at my house with my friend (Shawn), who was also dating Danielle at the time, and we were just getting really, really stoned.
At about 2AM, and I'm like seconds away from drifting into my dreams Shawn comes running into my room saying, "Dude, don't you have your phone? You have to talk to Christina! She is like crying and shit!"
So I grab the phone and learn that her and Danielle were both VERY drunk at this point, and had locked themselves out of Christina's house. And obviously her parents were asleep inside and she didn't want to have to wake them up because then they'd smell the weed and cigarettes they had just smoked. So she BEGS me to go pick her up and let them spend the night at my house. So whatever, I'm high as balls still so I just oblige. Go pick them up, bring them back and we fall asleep. 7AM rolls around and I wake up to my dad bursting into my room asking me, very sternly, "WHY THE FUCK ARE THE POLICE TELLING ME YOU KIDNAPPED CHRISTINA?!"
Push came to shove her mom woke up early and freaked out because Christina and Danielle were missing and not answering their phones, so the cops looked into her last number dialed and came directly to my house.
There I was, still trying to remember exactly what had transpired the night before (Christina was too because she pretty much blacked out) until Shawn came to the rescue and told the cops exactly what happened. | Soon-to-be GF got drunk, locked herself out, so I picked her up, let her sleep at my house, and was woken up to police accusing me of kidnapping her. |
t3_21oywk | relationship_advice | M{21} found out my Gf I live with {22}sent sexual texts to another guy, nervous and unsure of what to do. | Like I said in the title my GF, that I've been living with in our apartment for about a year now, has texted another guy saying... very sexual things. I was worried about how much she was texting her boss, but she just told me he was just a kind of alright guy, and they just mostly small talked. Last night she got drunk and passed out and my curiosity got the best of me and I looked through her phone. And what I saw..... just... broke my heart. all last night and this morning I've been just seeing flashes of the conversation in my head and getting sick and tense and upset. I did confront her about it last night, and she was very apologetic, assured me she never did anything with him... but idk if I can trust that... but she said she did it because she feels lonely and just says what she can to keep people responding to her, and she does have a few problems, depression, was abused by her brother as a child. But I can understand all that, I lost both my parents, and my father was abusive. I know what its like to feel lonely and lost and suffer... but I just don't know what to do. I love her, I don't want to lose her, but thinking about what I saw, and what she said to him, and she works with him. I just feel so betrayed and hurt, even if she didn't "fully" cheat on me. I just don't know if I can trust her again. | GF that i llive with sent sexts to her boss, says she didn't actually cheat, just the texts. I feel like i've lost all trust and it just hurts my heart to think about. |
t3_zb8gh | relationships | My best friend [19/F] is controlling and manipulative, and I [20/F] don't know how to handle it. | We've been friends for a really long time, we've known each other since Primary School. We lost contact for a bit during Middle School, but reconnected again in High School and have been great friends ever since. I love having her as a friend, I wouldn't trade her for the world, but sometimes things feel like they're getting out of hand.
I should mention that we're not dating or anything. I've clarified that with her in the past.
The worst incident that I can remember was when I tried to start up a romantic/sexual relationship with someone I met online. We met, hung out, got along really well. I loved spending time with him, and I planned to continue and see how things worked out, but got stopped in my tracks pretty fast. It wasn't that my best friend flat-out told me that I 'couldn't see him anymore'; she's almost never that straight-forward. While I'd been out on my date, my best friend hadn't been able to contact me to ask me to come home, and was freaking out about it. When I got home, I ended up going to her place almost immediately to try and calm her down, only to find she'd cut herself in her distress. Not deeply at all, she wasn't in any danger; I got the cuts cleaned and bandaged as I calmed her down.
While I can't remember her exact wording, it was heavily implied in our following conversations that she would very likely do this again if I went out with him again. (She has a history of repetitive self-harm, so I don't doubt that it could/would happen again.)
I value my friends more than any other part of my life, but sometimes I wish that there could be more *to* my life than that. I don't want to just... stop being friends with her, since incidents like this don't happen often, and I love spending time with her normally. She's very supportive of most of my decisions, she's gotten me through a lot of shitty times, but this. I don't know how to handle this side of her that comes out when I try to do things for *me*. | I have a really awesome best friend that sometimes flips out and gets Overly Attached when I try to expand my social life and I don't know what to do. |
t3_t7usv | relationships | GF is a survivor of rape. How do I not hurt her feelings? | Sorry if this sounds really stupid, I'm willing to be more specific if you ask and English is not my first language.
I'm 19 and GF is 18.
We have known each other for a year but only really started dating 6 months ago and it's long distance. We had unprotected sex before.
From all the past she has told me she has been raped around 10 times by different people. During the last 4 months or so she was raped by 3 different guys and I only recently found out through reading her chat with her brother. she told him she has filed reports.
We will see each other again soon but I don't feel comfortable having unprotected sex with her anymore. I want to either ask her to take a STD/HIV test or only have protected sex with me. I just don't want to make her feel any dirtier or worse about her body than she has to. | GF was raped and I don't know how to ask her to get tested for STDs or only have protected sex without hurting her feelings. |
t3_1y7htu | needadvice | My girlfriend is being harassed and stalked via Facebook, text, and Skype. How can she get it to stop? | A 17-year-old guy has been sending my girlfriend very lewd messages (i.e. pornography, various disgusting images of genitals, links to various sex toys, etc.) for about a year and a half over Facebook, text, and Skype.
It has gotten to the point where she feels as if she must watch her Facebook to make sure he doesn't post anything such as the aforementioned on there.
She has tried blocking him numerous times on each, and each time he has blackmailed her with pictures of her and her abusive ex, videos of her, and numerous calls in a short period of time (the record being over 45 times in ten minutes).
This guy has saved an unknown amount of photos of her on his computer, and he said today that, because she wasn't responding, the next step is calling her cell and home phone numerous times until she responds.
This nuisance has been degrading her quality of life, and it's starting to piss me off to no end. Both she and I need help getting him to stop. What would you do in my situation? | Girlfriend harassed by teenage boy with a constant barrage of sexual images. She is unable to block him because he blackmails her until she unblocks him. I need this to stop. |
t3_3v3gri | personalfinance | Vet looking for advice to get back into school. | I went to a universtiy and did not end up finishing since i joined the army, being young and dumb i didnt think much about my student loans. I have been out of the army for about a year and finally got stable to the point of looking to the future and not have to worry about my day to day. I would like to start going back to school in the medical feild so i can get back to helping people. I cannot do this since owing appox $15,000.00 to my school including the portion to the gov. Ive put a budget together with my current employment and looking to invest in another job for the time being. I dont think with how my budget is projected for the next two years i will not be able to get a loan untill then.
I was wondering if anyone had any advice on the subject, i am very open minded and hardworking, anything will help being in the military for the begining of my adulthood made me ignorant when it comes these types of things and id like to fix that. I know im on the right track but there has got to be more i can do. Im looking for advice pls help. | went to college didnt finish joined military wants to use gi bill cannot still owes previous college money. Need advice. |
t3_tcrjt | relationships | What is your opinion on your SO being friends with an ex, person they used to like, or a person that likes your SO? | 19M here. Dating 17F.
Basically, I wanna know if I'm dealing with this in a fair/mature/reasonable way.
My SO wants to be friends with a guy that likes her. They used to be best friends but ever since me and her have started dating, he went ape shit on her. Called her names, told her "fuck you", being verbally abusive, etc. At one point when I first saw him and her together at a BBQ party, I thought they were dating or at least had a thing for each other. She told me she doesn't like him and they never had such a thing for each other. Took her word for it.
Now, when he tries to talk/text/hang out with her, I tell her to ignore him because it may damage our relationship. I know who that guy is because I am friends with him as well. He is a player and he tells me all sorts of sex stories of him cheating on his girlfriends or getting girls with boyfriends to cheat on them with him. He repulses me and it is safe to say I don't like being around him anymore.
When I ask her "why do you still want to be friends with him?" she says "It's because he was such an important person in my life at one point." She also knows of his sex stories because he has told her some of those stories. It makes me feel uncomfortable when they text/talk and I tell her that each time.
All in all, I tell her to cut that person out of her life because he is toxic to our relationship but I feel like I'm trying to control her life and I don't like that. I don't wanna be that boyfriend who tells her who she can't/can hang out with, who she can't/can text, etc.
So, am I being reasonable? Any stories to share about what you have done in a situation where your SO has an ex as a friend and how you deal with it? | SO wants to be friends with guy that likes her. I tell her no cuz he only will cause harm to our relationship. Is this fair? |
t3_lllcq | AskReddit | I am a first time cats owner...why do my cats hate me? | I've never had pets before except for when I was 2 and my grandmother imported me an asian ring neck parakeet from her homeland. I loved the parakeet so much that one day I accidently squeezed it to death by hugging it.
Then my parents unknowingly bought me color changing fishes at the age of 10. These were Oscars and my parents didn't know they had to be fed live fish. We returned them to the pet store when we realized what the included feeder fish were for. We had originally thought the fish would get along and be friends.
I'm a bit older now and my family recently got two kittens and it's been 4 months since we've had them. I live in a family of 8 (excluding the kittens) and I have 5 siblings. The kittens haven't really bonded with anyone and generally play amongst themselves. They will tolerate being picked up and petted by anyone for a couple of minutes but as soon as they see a chance to escape, they will jump out of my lap or my arms.
Whenever I pick them up, they start meowing incessantly and just generally don't act the way I expected cats would based off the pictures I saw on reddit.
I give them treats (home cooked chicken), back and belly and chin rubs, I try to get them to sit in my lap or on my bed but they just run away. They won't even sit on my keyboard! | I have 2 kittens around 5 months old and they don't want to be petted and just in general hate me and only see me as a source of food, water, new litter. |
t3_1ldntf | relationships | Me[19M] with my gf [20F] 1 year, and I feel selfish for wanting to move on | Sup, first time poster here. My girlfriend and I began dating at the beginning of our freshman year at the same college, and we had that kind of "married" relationship where she practically lived in my dorm. She ended up doing pretty poorly in school and is unable to study this fall. She also ran into some mild legal trouble (which equals severe parent trouble) and is generally sort of depressed about her life situation.
On the other hand, it's college 2 electric boogaloo for me, and i have the biggest urge to be single. I still like her plenty, but we have gone from living together, to having wildly separate lifestyles, and I'm beginning to question whether or not the relationship is dragging me down. Of course, I'm afraid that if I break up with her, it will just be another shocking change she'll have to deal with.
Finally, there's no telling that she might be able to come back to school next semester (not THAT far away), and we could be more in sync, but I still wonder if that will even quell my urges? | Conflicted about breaking up with gf because motives are selfish and it could very well hurt her, but I really feel like i'm wasting my time. |
t3_4ep65f | askwomenadvice | I [24 M] have a problem with a seriously passive-aggressive/guilting friend [24 F] of 2 years and it's damaging our friendship | First of all, thank you for reading. I'm new to the forum and would really appreciate your advice. Does anybody have the same issue dealing with a friend who suddenly tries to push your buttons out of nowhere? This is exactly my situation.
I'm out of town to meet my family and she invited me to a movie night with some friends. I politely declined, stating why I physically cannot be there. She replied "I guess you just don't care about your friend anymore, but it's ok".
The other day, I was bringing some of my guy friends to check out a new car that I purchased. That night when she found out (even though I friggin drove her around a week ago), she said "You didn't even invited me after class, I see how it is". Any normal individual making that statement would laugh it off just to maintain a conflict-free conversation and can even cleverly use it as a friendly joke, but NO she then kept silent afterwards, expecting me to feel like s*** about myself and apologize or something. She always finds a reason to automatically go into that self-pity mode and gets serious about it.
After thinking about it, she always tries to make me angry just out of a normal conversation. I think I finally realize that she gets the pleasure from making other people feel like crap and upset about themselves, guilting them into thinking that they did something wrong regardless of the situation.
The negative energy really brought me down and made me frustrated. I did bring this up to her many times but she always tries to instigate crap out of nowhere and push my buttons from nothing.
I feel like I'm afraid to cut her from my life since she seems like a perfect friend in every way except this vile personality. Is it time to call this unhealthy friendship off? | Close friend frequently exhibiting a passive-aggressive/guilting behavior out of thin air. Thinking about calling off this friendship. |
t3_2pvolt | relationships | I [19/M] acquired girls [17/F] phone number indirectly - Is it creepy to contact her? | NOTE: I'm not sure which flair this fits under, and even if it belongs here, but eh...
Alright, story time.
Last night, I was at a Christmas party. I had to take a bus home, but due to it being past 2 AM, I had to pay an additional fee. A girl just in front of me wasn't aware of this extra fee, and didn't have the money to pay it. I happened to have the exact amount needed, even after paying for myself, so I offered to pay for her. At this point I was just being nice, it wasn't a poor attempt to get talking to her. But yeah, I pay, she's thankful, and we sit down, she wants to repay me through a system called MobilePay. I'm sure it exists outside Denmark too, basically you can send money over your cell phone. This is relevant, I'll get back to that. But yeah, she repays me, it's all fine and dandy, we spend the remainder of the 20 minute busride talking, we hit it off pretty well. I discovered she was about my age, and lived close by (obviously, since she's on the bus). She gets off a few stops before mine, we say bye, she thanks for the help, end of story.
She was pretty cute, and as said, we hit it off quite well. When I got home, I realised, that technically, I have her number now, due to the payment system. And part of me wants to contact her, despite not knowing if she has a boyfriend or anything (didn't mention anything though). But I don't want to come off like "that creepy stalker guy" either.
So, men of Reddit (I will also post this on AskWomen, get both opinions), what to do? Is it acceptable to send her a text, just saying hi and explaining quickly how and why I decided to text her? I'll likely never see her again, so what's the worst that could happen? But what do you think? | Met and talked to girl on bus, got girls number through phone payment app, am I a creepy fuck for thinking about contacting her? |
t3_3yfic3 | relationships | If he [M38] gets hired, my [F26] life will be a little different very shortly. | So, I'll get right to it. My current boyfriend is the man of my dreams, the one, we have no hesitation in our joint answers that yes, we want to get married. We've been together for 1 1/2 years. This is where I want to be in my life. Both of us are in no rush. I'm still working on a degree and he is currently still focusing on his career.
This brings us to our next point. He's applied for another position in his home state. It's an upgrade and it ensures stability for both of us in the future. However, if he gets it, he'll be moving within a month. I will be staying in our current state to finish another semester (possibly two) and try to get work and other things situated (selling the house, saving for moving, etc).
I don't doubt our ability to do a long distance relationship. I look at this move as being better for the both of us. However, I'm not exactly sure how to go about one. And since I'm not particularly sure how long we'd be apart for, it would be great to have some advice on the how. Preparing-to-move-state advice is welcome too.
Obviously, this all hinges on whether or not he gets hired. Otherwise, I'll keep this in mind if it comes up again in the future. | Boyfriend may get a new job in a different state. How do I go about maintaining the relationship and following in the future? |
t3_2zepfe | relationships | I [21/M] vividly dreamed of cheating on my [21/F] girlfriend of 3 years last night, and could use some advice. | Hi /r/relationships. I made a throwaway for obvious reasons. A little background about me:
My girlfriend and I are in college right now, we have been dating for several years, and friends before that. We have been extremely happy together and have had quite frank conversations about the future, we intend to marry when we graduate, and I have been looking around at rings.
I have not been attracted to another woman while in this relationship. Like everyone else, I have found other women good looking, but have never been emotionally attracted to someone. However, last night I dreamed I cheated on my girlfriend, and it was very detailed. The person whom I "cheated" with is a friend of mine at school as well, though we have only known each other for a year or so. I remember very vividly what we did, and how we did it, and the regret and shame I felt after it happened, and I felt the same when I woke up.
My girlfriend and I don't have any troubles besides the occasional fight. She's my best friend, and I care for her more than anyone and desperately want to spend my life with her, which is why this disturbed me so much last night. That, and how vivid this was. I remember where I was, what both myself and the person I was "cheating" with was wearing. Once again, this is someone I know, and now I feel guilty, ashamed, and a little awkward and nervous about seeing this friend again since I have thought of them (even subconsciously) in a very sexual way.
Thanks everyone, any advice is appreciated. | In a happy, monogamous relationship, dreamed quite vividly about cheating last night with a friend, now disturbed and need advice. |
t3_2py3xk | relationships | I [17 M] have been out once with a girl [17 F] that I like, but I think she is trying to avoid me now? | So I know I've made many posts, but long story short we went to the movies last week. I paid for her ticket, we had a great time, and I walked her home and hugged her. It wasn't a date to her, but a "get to know each other" type of thing.
We texted for a couple days, then I asked her again in person if she wanted to do something together again, she said sure. However she mentioned this week she was really busy. And now when I walk her home and greet her in person, it just feels really weird and different.
I almost feel as if she's not interested, could she have lost interest that quickly? Note that I asked her out once, the day we met, she said she wanted to get to know me. I'm aware she wanted to see what type of person I am. But recently she has been replying super slow, and sometimes doesn't reply at all to my messages.
Perhaps I believe she's really busy, it happens, I completely understand. But there's really a lot of reasons, what if she is just purposely avoiding me and slowly letting me down? What if she's trying to hint this at me? I'm worried, but I'm also going to tell her I like her and that I want to date her, and see how she feels.
Do you think she would purposely avoid me and let me down even though she still wanted to do something with me? Or do you think someone would just go along with it but play it off like she never agreed? What if she WANTS me to tell her I like her? What if she's bored and also wants to move on? | I think this girl I met 2 weeks ago is slowly letting me down. Regardless I will tell her I like her, and try to move on. But more details in the story. |
t3_26rla2 | relationships | I'm[21F] on a small break with my current SO [25M] and he won't keep the watch I got while we are on break. He normally keeps his exes' gifts. Why? Does this mean he's trying to break it up with me completely?( together 10 months) | We're on a slight break due to the fact that he needs time to sort things out since he is mentally unhealthy. We had an emotion fallout and broke up for 3 days so I did take the watch back. He hurt me a lot emotionally but we decided we could work through it.
We came to the conclusion that we should just take a small break and go from there. I tried giving him the watch back and I said I don't really care even if we do break up, I was just acting irrational when I came to get my stuff. He only wants it back if I don't change my mind during the break. We are only breaking for 3 weeks.
I keep saying to him that he's just waiting for me to pull the trigger on ending this relationship but he gets upset if I say that to him.
I just don't get why he keeps all these gifts from previous girlfriends (expensive coats, wallet and cologne) but my watch he won't keep and we are only on a break.
Should I be concerned? Why won't he keep the watch? | Boyfriend won't keep watch I got him but keeps gifts and still uses gifts from previous girlfriends. We are on a break. Does this mean he doesn't really want the break? He just wants to break up? |
t3_m9f7l | AskReddit | as a somewhat friendless Redditor, I would like your advice | So I have very few friends, the ones I do have are literally all my coworkers. Last Tuesday they invited me to celebrate 'Taco Tuesday'. I hesitantly decided to go, but told my friend 'C' I didn't have much money. Somehow I ended up having to drive to the store, and pay for all the groceries, because they purchased the beer/tequila. Luckily it was under $30.00 due to it being a cheaper Mexican market.
The end of the night comes and they all decided they were going to go to a bar, leaving me and one other person at the house. When I woke up I got a call from one of the friends asking if I could come pick them up at a somewhat inconvenient location. (BEFORE WORK) I was pissed off but decided it would be the right thing to do. I said they were going to have to buy me lunch, but then when lunch time came around they spent their so called 'remainder' of their money on tall cans. All the while telling me they couldn't afford to buy me a $6 meal. | My friends pretty much use me, but I can't totally play the victim because I like to do nice things for people. |
t3_4gaseu | relationships | Me [22F] with my best friend [26 M] of 4 years, I want to tell him I like him but I don't know how or when. He's also my other best friend's ex... | So basically I've known this guy for a long time. I'm gonna call him Jack and his ex girl Bubbles. Jack and I have have tiny romantic history. A few years ago he basically held my hand but I freaked out and was like this is weird. He was like okay, I'm gonna date your best friend then. I was heartbroken but accepted life and moved on.
Jack and I managed to remain good friends in spite of this and after he broke up with Bubbles we started to become closer. He was open about liking other girls with me so I didn't really have my hopes up for anything and for the last 4 months up until two weeks ago he was considering getting back together with Bubbles. Once he declared to me that he was no longer interested in Bubbles I realized my feelings for him never went away and that I still like the guy.
Reddit, I'm determined to declare my feelings for him no matter what and accept the consequences. We're both into music and want to collab on a song for our church so I'm kind of waiting til at least after that before I say anything. Unless you guys have advice that points otherwise. I'm a little afraid because I don't want to lose a close friend over this but I am preparing mentally for worst case scenario. Please help me guys. Should I even bother saying anything and if so, should I soon? Thanks. | Want to tell friend I like him but I'm scared I'll mess it up. Also, happens to be one of my best friend's ex. |
t3_492n5r | relationships | [breakup] My boyfriend [29/M] and I [29/F] just broke up. Now I can't stop thinking of previous ex [25/M]. | A few days ago my boyfriend Hank and I broke up. We started dating about 8 months ago; I had gotten out of an abusive relationship a month earlier. My ex before Hank, Rey, has BPD, was very emotionally abusive to me and ended up cheating on me then assaulting me when I finally decided to end things with him. The relationship was very tumultuous with intense highs and lows, but I have a personality that craves intensity. Even when I broke up with him I wanted desperately to be with him, but my self-respect outweighed my desire to stay. I was a mess for about 2 weeks, then I started feeling a bit better and really wanted to meet new people. Looking back I realize I was trying to fill the emotional hole Rey left in me.
I liked Hank, but wasn't head-over-heels in love with him like I was with Rey. I made it clear I didn't see our relationship as a long-term thing, and a few days ago he told me he can no longer be in a relationship with a time-limit. I said I understand, and we broke up. I'm hurt, obviously, but I want what's best for Hank and honestly am mourning the potential loss of our friendship than our romantic relationship.
Now I'm suddenly inundated with thoughts about Rey. How is he? Does he miss me? I know he had a new girlfriend, are they still together? Is he happy? I don't really want to get back together with him, but suddenly I really miss him. I don't know how to cope with this sense of loss and longing besides trying to contact Rey- which I know is the worst idea ever. | Boyfriend and I broke up, suddenly overwhelmed with longing thoughts of abusive boyfriend before most recent ex. How to cope? |
t3_506xwg | relationships | How do you guys balance time between SO and friends? | I apologize in advance for the rocky wording, I have been trying to figure out how to get this thought out for a while and it's a little choppy...
I am a 25/F and live with my 26/M SO (been together for almost 2 years). I find myself panic ridden thinking about what others expect of me because if I don't make time for my girl friends, they make it very clear to me that they think I have "changed," or I am becoming too "complacent". It seems as though everyone else has this SO/friends balance thing figured out except for me.
I love living with my SO, he is my best friend and we are able to do everything together. I am so content coming home to him every night, going to the gym together, cooking dinner together, etc... (Obviously there are nights where we do our own thing, but in general, we both love doing these things together).
Now, I have a close knit circle of girlfriends who don't have a similar relationship with their SO as I do (except for 1, who is married now and we don't see her as often unfortunately). Half of them are single, and the other half are in relationships, however those in relationships don't live together and maybe see each other every 3 weeks, if that. Sometimes we hang out all together with SO's but because we are a close group of girls, it's normally just girls nights/hangouts.
I feel like they expect me to have a better balance between them and my SO. I see them at the very minimum, once a month, some I see every week or two. I think that's pretty fair?
Anyway! My real question is how do YOU balance friends and SO? | I feel like my friends expect me to have a better balance between them and my SO. Looking for advice on how you balance friends and SO. |
t3_159ju5 | relationship_advice | [18/f] Boyfriend (21/m) said my bestfriend's name during sex | Went out drinking with my boyfriend and bestfriend. When we came home we were having sex and he said my (female) bestfriend's name. Our names sound nothing alike. Very early in the night he had made an overt sexual joke about her which I'd found a bit unsettling but I just laughed it off, not wanting to be that jealous girlfriend. He is really friendly with her and has told me how awesome he thinks she is. But he has acted the same way and said the same thing about another close friend of mine. We've been going out for four months. I really care about him and I don't want to end this relationship. I've never felt so intensely about anyone before in my life. He was extremely apologetic. He says he wasn't thinking about her and doesn't think about her like that. Is it really possible it was an innocent mistake? How likely is it? Does anyone have any advice on how I/we can get past this?
I'm recovering from depression and have self esteem issues I'm actively working on with a psychologist (who just went on holiday for a month - fantastic timing). I don't know if maybe this is leading to me overreacting somewhat. | Boyfriend said my bestfriend's name during sex. Is it possible it was just a mistake and didn't mean anything more? How can I get past this? |
t3_2fu059 | offmychest | I refuse to open up and vent to anyone I know, but everything is collapsing on me & I have to get it out somewhere | My fiancee and I are renting a house, preparing to buy one after the rental. Our credit scores were improving, our credit cards and debts were way down. After a good while of job searching, I had a part time job as a delivery guy for 2.25 years, good tips. The fiancee has a pretty good paying, secure "real" job at a banking institution. We bought a car together, recently refinanced.
Then I got t-boned while working.
Car totaled, insurance took a month to eventually deny the claim and call me fraudulent. Workers comp also denied my claim for the week I was out of work, just because they can. I have a husk of a car in my lawn that I can't sell because I owe 12k on it still. I bought a bike to deliver on, that did not work out and I'm now out of a job.
We used the last 2k we had to buy a used car, but I can't get it repaired enough to run acceptably. All of our savings are gone, bank is empty, and credit cards are maxed again. The house has started leaking in the shower, kitchen sink and ceiling of the laundry room, which killed my washer/dryer combo and power tools.
I can't get a job, a lawyer, an insurance company to cooperate, or anything in my house to work. I listed most of my belongings on craiglist for the last month and not one thing has sold. Her job is paying the bills but something is going to give in.
I feel like all our progress on finally getting our life moving forward has vanished and we're back to the near-poverty of early on in our life together when I couldn't get a job and we had nothing. | things working out til car totaled in crash, now out of car, job, money, savings, willpower. car ins and workers comp shafted me and everything at home is broken. |
t3_4m9gve | relationships | I (23F) am a lonely grad student and soon-to-be wife, and I don't really know what to do about it. | I guess this is more of a me problem than a relationship problem, but my fiance (23M) is also a factor so I'll bring him in as well.
We've been together for five years, and got engaged last year. We're planning to get married in a year, once I'm done with grad school. We currently live together. He works full time in software.
My grad school program is pretty small, about 10 people. Everyone is very friendly with each other, but I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. Don't get me wrong, they're nice to me and I'm nice to them, but I wouldn't say I've made any friends. This is normal for me, though. I've never really made close friends. In college my fiance and I were in a group of friends and we were all friendly, but I couldn't spend time with any of them one-on-one. I lost touch with them after we graduated. I don't even think I'll bother inviting them to the wedding.
Anyway, I'm in grad school which takes up a lot of time, and I also work part-time. In my down time, I do chores, cook, and watch TV with my fiance. We go out on a cheap date once a week. That's pretty much our life. It's not a bad life or anything, but I've gotten quite bored. My fiance is introverted and always has been, but he's made a couple friends at work and they play video games together once or twice a week. I've never really met them beyond 'hi' and 'bye'.
Am I griping over something nonexistent? I feel bad, because my only close friend (we're online friends) just got fired and is in an abusive relationship. I feel like I don't have the right to complain so I don't talk to her about any of this. Honestly I don't talk to her much anymore because I'm too worried about her. | Lonely and vaguely dissatisfied with life. Naturally introverted and shy but craves a platonic friend, even though I've never really had one. Don't have a lot of free time either. |
t3_1fi977 | relationships | Boyfriend's work-flirt turned sour; won't go away. What to do? | We are both 19. He and I have been with each other for over a year and a half now. I am a girl. We are happy together, so cheating isn't the question. The question is how to get this girl, of unknown age, to stop flirting with my boyfriend while he is at work?
Some background:
* He is a waiter and she is a hostess.
* She knows about me, but we have not met.
* They had a work flirt thing going on, but when she took it a bit too far, he told her to back off. She, although no longer taking it to the extreme she did, is still pestering him at work.
* He has mentioned it to those powers above him, but they refuse to do anything because none of what she says is inappropriate and she doesn't keep him from doing his job.
How can he/I/we make it clear to this girl that what she is doing is not okay? He has severe social anxiety, so when he begins to confront someone, he typically gets timid and I can see how this could send mixed messages to someone.
I know I shouldn't get involved in the confrontation, but is there any way that I can help get rid of this girl? | Boyfriend's coworker won't leave him alone despite being asked to. How can we/he/I get this to stop? |
t3_23b8z8 | AskReddit | Received money from a client. They sued me to get it back. How do I put this on my taxes? | Redditor for 7 years, but using a throwaway account since I'd prefer this not be associated with my identity.
As you might guess, I've procrastinated getting my 2013 taxes done in part because I'm not sure what to do about this:
In 2012 I received roughly $6000 to build a website for a client. They were a family friend, so I (stupidly) didn't have them sign my usual contract.
I discovered that working with "family friends" can be a terrible experience. After months of trying to please them, and much squabbling over who writes the content and takes the photos, they ultimately took me to court to reclaim their money.
The court awarded them about $6,700 when all was said and done, which I repaid to them in 2013. | I claimed the $6000 paid to me on my 2012 taxes, but essentially had to refund it (due to a court order) in 2013. |
t3_4918vf | tifu | TIFU By drawing a dick on my class wall. | This happened about two years ago, when I was 14-ish, I was at recess when out of no-where I see a pen's refill flying towards me, but before I have time to react it hits me in the wrist (I was wearing a sweatshirt). 14 y/o me, being pissed at my new sweatshirt being ruined by some dickhead with a pen, went to the bathrooms, locked, of course, just my luck. I try the water fountain, out of service, fucking hell, recess is about done, I can't go downstairs and try other bathrooms or fountains, and honestly, I was pissed, so I decided to punish the wall. I grabbed the wrist of my sweatshirt and started drawing a big, hairy, blue dick on the wall. It stayed there for about 2 weeks before the found out it was me (I was snitched, they threatened to punish the whole class if the culprit didn't admit it, which is, in my country, not allowed to do). My teacher then calls my dad on his cellphone, he picks up and this is how the conversation went, according to my dad:
Teacher: "Hello, this is OP's teacher, (namehere), I wanted to let you know that OP drew a male genitalia on the class wall.".
My dad: "Okay, and if he would've drawn a flower, would you not have called?".
This clearly left my teacher speechless, and when my dad told me about this later on, I laughed my ass off.
They wanted me to buy paint and a brush to paint over the ink, but my dad was like, "Nah, just grab a mop and some water and clean it", I ended up cleaning it with a mop and some water in front the whole class, as they were shouting stuff like "Oh, yeah, OP, scrub that dick.". So naturally I pretended I'm giving a handjob to a drawn dick, in front of my teacher. | Drew a dick on class wall at 14 years old, bad ass dad doesn't care, ended up giving a thorough scrubbing to said dick in front of my entire class and teacher. |
t3_lx7fw | AskReddit | Reddit, should I sue my mother? | So when I was 8, my father passed away and my mother collected social security payments to provide for herself, my sister, and I. My mother did not use any of the social security money raising us; instead she put all the money in a brokerage account to be invested. Since she chose not to use the money to help raise me, and put it aside for when i'm older, I am legally entitled to it.
I am now 20 and she refuses to change the owners name on the brokerage account from hers to mine (my sister already used her money to buy a house.) I contacted my employers lawyer (we occasionally talk on the phone regarding work issues) and he pointed me to the [social security administration] website where it clearly states that any funds left over after the cost of raising me shall be mine. It also states that the account should be in my name, not hers, even if I was a minor.
Now that I am wanting to move out and use that money to pay for rent, she refuses to give it to me.
I know she is looking out for me, however I should be able to spend my money how I want to. | mom has 10 years worth of social security money plus interest that is in her name but it is legally mine and refuses to give it to me. |
t3_13x165 | relationship_advice | Don't know whether to stay with my boyfriend or leave him | So I [16 F] have been dating my boyfriend [18] for 8 months now and I absolutely love him to death. It's very hard to stay with him though because I never get to see him (he's in college an hour away from me) and My parents don't really let us hang out. Also, because I'm in high school, I want to go out and just have fun! I have a tendency to flirt with guys that's involuntary and I always feel kind of guilty afterwards. I'm in a sticky situation because I love my boyfriend and I know it will literally crush him if I dump him, but at the same time I wish I was single! Any advice for me? | I love my boyfriend but wish I was single as well. It would crush him if I were to break up with him and it would hurt me too. Advice? |
t3_43xfo8 | relationships | Me [35M] with my wife [29F] of 9 years. She want me to be "more vulnerable" and I am confused. | My wife and I have been married for 9 years, together for 12 total. Our relationship overall seems pretty good - we don't argue much, we have a comfortable life, etc.
Recently though, she's been telling me that she doesn't "feel close" to me and that she need me to "be more vulnerable" and open with her.
I'm a very rational guy, and emotionally closed. I don't like to share my feelings, and I don't feel better when I do.
However, I do like to hear people's opinions, and find them helpful in figuring things out, so here I am.
I've tried to be more open - sharing things that I consider to be "vulnerable" like my fears of failure on certain things, regret at decisions I've made, etc. But these don't seem to be what she's looking for. In fact, she will often be dismissive of such disclosures or even mock them. Which of course wants me to share even more with her - Not.
She's not quite able to express what she means, she just says she'll let me know if I get it right. ?!?!
So here I am, wondering if good citizens of the internet have some ideas.
In your responses, it would be helpful if you would let me know if your comments are
1) Actual personal experience with this situation in your own life
2) Second hand experience with this situation with someone you know
or
3) Pure opinion/conjecture, not based on actual experience | My wife wants me to be more vulnerable, and I don't know what she means. What does she mean, and why? |
t3_1ck254 | relationships | Are we having sexual incompatible [m/23] and [f/21] ? | My GF [f/21] and I[m/23] are currently long distance; We been together for 1 year. I am able to see her once a month. But this time i came back, she hasnt been as sexual with me when i get back and doesn't want to have sex unless she is on her period. GF is not on the pill. We did have sex with condoms most of the time i come back and when she on her period. I asked her about it and she is afraid to get pregnant and she just doesnt want sex that much. She used to be on the pill before but stop taking them since we went long distance, since she didnt want those hormonal effects on her health. We used to have sex before we started LDR and i just felt that we had such a strong sexual chemistry. We got into a fight but talked it over. I told her i only get to her see few days a month and really attracted and missing her so it's natural for me to want to be very sexual with her. I guess she just hasnt been as sexual with me. She said she only wanted to have sex if she on her period and she give me blowjobs when she isnt on her period. | GF and I been together for a year. GF only want sex if she on her period. other than that no sex, but blowjob and handjob. I want to have more than that. Are we sexaully incompatible. |
t3_3fgm81 | relationships | My boyfriend [21 M] of 6 months keeps suggesting that I [20 F] dress more femininely? | He is saying these things in a very low-key way, asking stuff like would I ever wear a dress or a skirt, and saying that I should because it would be hot, even though I told him that that's not my style. He also asks if I would ever wear earrings and get my ears pierced (I have never pierced my ears).
I feel slightly hurt by this. I should probably explain that I do wear skirts and dresses when the occasion arises, such as a graduation, reunion, party, etc, but they're not something I really feel comfortable wearing casually, because quite simply, it's not my style. I wear makeup and feminine clothing, with the exception t-shirts etc. I understand someone wanting their SO to be masculine/feminine, but I feel as though I'm already pretty feminine and that femininity does not revolve solely around wearing skirts and earrings.
I also feel as though it is not always necessary to follow the gender stereotypes set by society and that gender roles are largely of society's own arbitrary creation. I deeply value a strong sense of self, style, and individuality and therefore don't feel a need to conform to gender-based stylistic qualities.
I also believe that it is necessary in relationships to be accepting of the other person and never try to change them into more of the person you want them to be. I think the individual comes first, the relationship second, and if you are not accepting of their personality and qualities, then you should simply not be with them.
This is the third or fourth time he has said something to this effect, and I am feeling a confrontation coming on if he says it again. Thoughts on whether it is reasonable for him to request things like this? How far would you go to please your SO, even if it violates your own personal sense of self and of style? | Is it reasonable to ask your SO to change their appearance in order to be more feminine/masculine, even if it violates their style and sense of self? |
t3_3v8bmx | relationships | My [21 F] boyfriend [20 M] was beaten up by his family. What do I do? | Like the title says. My boyfriend, let's call him Tyler, is a college student that is currently living at home during his Engineering co-op. Tyler was getting ready for bed about half an hour ago, and noticed that his blanket wasn't on his bed. His younger brother is quite a bit larger than Tyler, even though he's four years younger, and an athlete. Let's call him Brian.
Brian said, "I'm stronger than you, this is mine now," as some weird display of alpha-ness that I don't understand. Tyler tried to take the blanket from him anyway, and Brian punched him in the face.
Tyler, understandably shocked, lets the blanket go and backs off. He goes into the bathroom and sees that his face is bleeding, and takes five minutes to wash the blood off and try to calm down. He then returns to the living room to confront his parents, who sat by without doing anything.
This causes his dad to fly into a rage because Tyler's being "too loud" and complaining too much, though he's understandably upset. But then his dad shoves him into his room, punching and beating him up against the wall.
Tyler got out of there, thank goodness, but was stuck outside with no shoes/coat in the freezing cold. He called me and he's unsure what he should even do. I don't know what he should do. I don't know how to help. His family has always been very rude (constant screaming matches over stupid things) and we suspect that his brother does drugs. He's too old for something like Child Protective Services, right? Should he call the cops? What should he do about his abusive family?
Thanks for your help in advance. | Boyfriend was punched in face by his brother. When his dad found out, he beat him for complaining too much. |
t3_17pcxn | personalfinance | True Cost of Purchasing a Car: New Vs. Used | The prevailing wisdom on this subreddit is that you should look for a 3-5 year old car instead of a new one. I'm trying to help my girlfriend navigate the prospect of buying a car soon. As an example, she's looking for a Honda CR-V. [KBB] shows a new 2013 CR-V can be had for $22,400. Let's say she would consider a 3 year old model with 36000 miles. [KBB] has this for roughly $17000 from a private party seller.
Is $5400 really too expensive to have a solid, warranty-backed, car for 3 years, at the end of which time, you know the previous owner(you) took care of the vehicle and it will hold up? I was always led to believe the discount for buying an older car was larger. With the uncertainties of the previous owner(s) and issues they may try to hide, is it really that much better of a deal to buy used?
Another cost that seems dubious is the tax and other fees? How does all of this work? I seem to remember hearing there were tax advantages to buying form a dealer. If I sell a car privately, do I pay tax on that as income? Is there any tax-advantage to going through a dealer, assuming you get a reasonable trade-in value, to unload your previous car? Say the car I want costs 22k and my trade-in is valued at 5k, do I only pay 17k in tax on the car if I do a trade-in, where-as I would be responsible for tax on the full price of the car in a private-party situation?
Like I said, I've priced out the rough difference of the new vs. 3-year-old model on KBB, but I'm wondering how the other fees, like tax, title, tags, etc. may vary between a private party and dealer purchase.
If you know of any other costs that I'm not aware of, please let me know. Thanks!!! | What is the true cost of buying a new vs. 3 year old (from a private party) car when you include the different ways that tax and other fees are assessed? |
t3_4lr6xk | relationships | I [F20] feel lonely in life and like I have no friends | I graduated HS one year ago and two of my closest friend moved away from our hometown. These are the people I used to hang out with. I rarely hang out with other people from HS because we have either drifted or have nothing in common.
I have one very close friend who usually doesn't like to do anything, just go out and eat. We talk every other day on FB so we're fairly close and I feel like I can share what I want with her. She's also a childhood friend of mine, so we have a deep connection. But as I said, she rarely wants to do something fun or just hang so we go out and eat on restaurants every other week but not much besides that.
I also have two other friends who I really like and we have fun, but because they both work/study and I work different times so our schemes clash a bit and we rarely have the opportunity to see each other which is a bummer.
I have also started a new job and the people I'm working with are quite nice and cool. Very social and receptive. We've had one after work and it was great, but a lot of alcohol was involved so we didn't get to know each other as much as one might and people mostly stayed to those they knew best. Also a night club isn't really for talking and getting to know people. We mostly partied.
So when you read this you might think "but what kind of problem does she really have? She seems to have friends?" and yeah, I agree. I have a lot of shallow friendships. But I long for a deeper connection. I feel like I can't "hang out" spontaneously with the friends I have currently. If I just want to go out and do something I don't feel like I can ask anyone to do that if you know what I mean. I feel very lonely, in a way that I'm 20 years old and don't have a bf/gf nor a best friend and I feel like an abomination. Doesn't most people have these things at my age? | I feel lonely after two of my closest friend who I used to hang out with moved away from our home town. I only have shallow friendships and I can't do anything spontaneously because of it. |
t3_15929h | relationships | I [26/m] lied to my fiance [26/f] and now she wants to end our wedding. | We've been together for 7 years and this is the worst fight we've had.
I watched the Hobbit with my buddies and told them not to tell her ive watched it already. I wanted to go again with her to watch the movie even though she didnt want to watch it. She goes to take a picture of the movie poster so that she can submit it to instagram. One of the guys i went with commented on her post saying he watched it with me. We then leave the theater and i already have that sinking feeling in my gut that tells me ive done her wrong. I can tell shes really angry at me so i apologize.
She asks me what we should do about the wedding and since im already mad at myself ive already given up. I ask her if she wants to end it and she tells me that she doesnt know yet. She's at this threshold where anything she says to me is hurtful. I'm a waste of money, fuck me and fuck my sorrys.
I feel awful and alone. I dont know what to do. She just left to finish her christmas shopping and im here sitting in my own self regret.
She says she doesnt trust me anymore and thinks im cheating on her. She doesnt want to marry someone who would lie to her about something so stupid.
I know im in the wrong. How do i get her to trust me. | I lied to my fiance about watching a movie. She doesnt trust me anymore. Wants to end our wedding. Don't know what to do but agree with her since im in the wrong. |
t3_3oq6ol | relationships | Me [28m] needs advice on a crush [31f] | About 2 months ago, I was on vacation and met a girl that lives in another state. The night I met her I just had this overwhelming rush of attraction. We spoke, had a few drinks, exchanged numbers and have been in constant communication ever since. The type of relationship we've developed over text/call has been one like you would see from a GF/BF. We made plans to meet up with each other because we both wanted to see why this attraction was so strong after just one night.
Things took a turn after I spoke about my ex. I mentioned that after we split, I had things of hers at my apartment that got thrown into boxes without my realizing. From that point she has it in her mind that I am waiting for my ex to come back and I imagine she felt stupid for contracting feelings. In order to quell these thoughts, I sent a picture (I know I know) of my ex with her new BF. I thought nothing of it. (This isn't the first time she'd seen her. We'd exchanged various pictures with each other.) Since that day she has been extremely unpredictable. She goes away at time and other times things are back to normal. I'm not sure what to do at this point. She has said she wants to slow the pace down but her actions at times say the exact opposite. In her defense, she has been very busy and has said she doesn't do well when stressed.
I like her. It's unconventional, but I can't help how I feel. However, I also feel like she is playing games that I don't have time for. Anybody want to weigh in on this? I really appreciate you guys taking the time to read through this. | We like each other, but she still feels like I am waiting for my ex, which is causing a yo yo effect. |
t3_ji7vh | AskReddit | how can I get out of a depressed slump? | this is hard for me to explain but here I go.
sometimes I get stressed out/depressed or a combo of both. It doesnt happen too often, but I have 5k debt at 22 with no job or school other then some random college classes which I failed. these things dont really bother me, I understand how to fix them and am working toward just that.
but sometimes it just gets to me. the weird part is when I feel this heavy carelessness. I dont try and make myself happy, I could watch a uplifting movie, or read a good book. yet for some reason, I dont want to, its like I enjoy the depression. even tho that sounds insane, and doesnt make sense to even me. I dont think I have any medical condition, I just wonder what the people of reddit do to get over that initial hill that gets you down and out of this numbness that I feel. | what are some easy fast ways to get out of depression before it gets to the point where you dont want to fix it... if that makes sense :/ |
t3_2an6jv | relationships | Me [20 M], my Ex [19 F], 1.66 year relationship, and I'm getting anxiety attacks. | We've been broken up since October of last year I guess. And we were together for about a year and 8 months. We had a fine relationship until the end, but nothing I would have an anxiety attack over.
Tonight, I was driving to my aunt's house (which is in a town I don't go to very often) to pick up a hose. Of course, my ex girlfriend's car is parked in front of some random house that I end up passing by and noticing. She was sitting on the tailgate of a truck with a couple of guys. IMMEDIATELY I start jittering and make my breath much more shallow. Mind's racing.
I've had these before, but they were well within reason. The girl that I was with before her cheated on me several times. I was a virgin, and she was fucking around. There was one guy that really bothered me named John. He was black, and I'm pretty much inferior to everything that he was. I had a really bad outlook on interracial dating for a while because of this.
But now it's not the same. We've been apart, and I'm not in a place to be jealous or anxious over anything she does. She was with a black guy, but I have no evidence that they are together, nor do I care.
Anxiety is the most debilitating thing I have ever experienced. I've learned to cope, but I want to eliminate the cause. I don't want my body to use anxiety as a reflexive response to situations like this. It takes me to places that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies. But I can't fix it at all. | I get anxiety over my ex girlfriends if/when I see them, and I can't do shit about it. Please help |
t3_1ya1a4 | relationships | Me [21/F] with coed [22/ M] talking for a month, How do i get him to open up to see his real personality? | Im a junior in college and he is a senior. A farming man he gives off a more serious deminer but i know thats not how he is. mutual friends refer to him as one of the goofiest men they know (of which i find attractive). But i dont know how to get him to open up and be his true goofy self with me.
I like this guy but i need to know his true personality and self before i want to even think about getting attached. Any Advice on how to get a serious man to open up and be goofy without making it awkward? | How do i get a serious on the outside but goofy on the inside man open up and show his true goofyness? |
t3_35puhp | relationships | Me [20F] with my new employee [21M]. Found out he is cheating with a girl and I know her boyfriend, but not well. Do I say anything? | So I work at as a manager at a store who is desperate for employees. We rushed a few backgrounds and this kid pops up. Nothing out of the ordinary.
He seemed nice enough but was extremely talkative and had a way spinning stories so that they seemed more interesting. It wasn't a bad thing until he showed me a pic of a girl in her underwear and asked me what it means when a girl sends such things. I rolled my eyes and said "If you can't take that sort of hint, you need more help than I can provide."
I was more than annoyed with him and asked my manager if he could be written up for showing employees sexually charged pics, but unfortunately she won't let me because we're low enough on people and doesn't want to rack up offenses on this kid so soon into his employment with us, but that I could sit him down and have a conversation about work place etiquette.
The next day, we have an unusually slow shift. Nothing to be made or shipped out, so we sit down and I give my spiel about how he could've been written up for what he did and not to do it again. He seemed very apologetic but followed up with "I actually have a huge personal question. I'm new to this sort of thing, but this girl has a boyfriend and I don't have anyone else to ask for help. She lives with the dude and he got her the job at our sister store and I'm worried that he'll find out".
Oh. Fuck.
I ask him who it is and it's a person I know. Not well, but well enough to know him and know the girl on a barely personal level. We partied together once and I thought they were both really cool people.
So, do I tell this guy or do I just leave things be? They just moved in together my whole work place is going over to their apartment this weekend for the first house party. | My employee is fucking a coworker's girlfriend who also works at our ccompany, but they work at different stores. Do I tell him that he is being cheated on or let this work itself out? |
t3_36i8k9 | tifu | TIFU by pulling down the pants of a pubescent with down syndrome | First of all , english isn't my first language.
I went to school like any other regular school day. Like usual we have sports twice a week. This week we went to go swim with the class. As we all changed our clothes me and some classmates we're just derping around and teasing eachother with cold water or pushing eachother in the water. As you all know things escalate right... So as the swim lessons started everything was normal. There were 6 lanes in the pool used for swimming. Three lanes for recreational swimmers and three lanes for groups and schools. Our lane was lane 2. I was told to just swim down that lane 4 times, followed by several classmates doing same as a warmup. In the middle of the lane suddenly i felt my swimtrousers being pulled off. There was naked in the pool, with a swift move i pull it back up and laugh it off. It was one of those classmates i was derping around with earlier. He was a rather chubby guy with black swimtrousers and black hair. You can see where this is going right... I laughed it off, and did my warm up. I leave the pool with my genius plan to do the exact same thing to him. One thing different though, i wanted to pull his pants off right as he was climbing on the ladder to get out of the pool. I didn't use watergoggles so my vision was rather foggy underwater. I jump thinking he was in front of me. Under water i see a chubby guy with black trousers and black hair. As he steps up the ladder to get out i pull his pants off very quickly and start laughing my ass of. UNTIL he turned around and looked at me. It turned out in the lane next to us , there was a swim class for people with down syndrome. My english isn't good enough to describe to look of cluelessness and despair in his eyes. This all followed by a loud sound of laughter coming from the actual guy who pulled off mine....
Obviously i later went to him for a sincere apology, but still TIFU... | pulled of trousers of a person with down syndrome in front of more than 20 people, thinking it was a classmate of mine |
t3_3timh5 | tifu | TIFU by making a comment | This happened a couple of hours. I am a freshmen in high school and in drum line (the best!). Anyways, this story starts out with me and a couple of friends talking about our band director. One of my friends was saying how scary it was to get yelled by him, and I responded that it is a LOT worse to get yelled at by our drum instructor. Backstory: our drum instructor, let's just call him John, is a really harsh, cruel man. He will yell about how terrible we are and how we need to actually practice and how we aren't an actual drumline, etc. I said that John was a true dick and acted like a prick to us. I got several angry glares and one person actually started to cry. One of my friends muttered, "USED to act like a dick". I decided to correct him. Mistake. "No, he still is a dick. He treats us all like shit". The person who was crying started to cry even harder. One of my other friends said, "Dude...John doesn't act like a dick anymore...he died over the summer". OH FUCK. Why was I not informed of this? Shouldn't we be let known that our INSTRUCTOR DIED over the summer? I quickly apologize and run out the building, ashamed to show my face. | Commented on how much of a dick our drum instructor was, kept insisting that he was an asshole, learned that he died over the summer. |
t3_3ryuu2 | tifu | TIFU at the Apple Store | Well this happened - a cringe worthy experience at the Apple Store - and it all started last night.
So it's my birthday weekend - my girlfriend and I go out to dinner. I get a couple martinis. We go around town and get more drinks and then go home and drink some more. We were pretty drunk but nothing especially bad.
Then I go to bed. Wake up this morning my phone is dead. I thought maybe I left the flashlight on and it burnt out or something so I go to charge it. Nothing. Try another charger- nothing.
So now I'm hungover as shit- my phone doesn't work, and I have to go to the mall to go to the Apple Store because my phone decided to go belly up out of the blue.
So i go to the Apple Store, it's busy as hell.. I'm hungover as shit and wait 25 minutes from my scheduled time. I'm starting to get a little bit angry at this point.
Finally a genius comes over and tries to fix it, and gives up fairly quickly. He brings out another phone and I sort of snapped at him and was like do these phones just die randomly like this? He said they were really busy but it's better for me not to have him investigate further. I just want to get out of there so I agree. I sign for 0 dollar repair and again start asking questions about why this would happen.
Right when I'm questioning the quality of the iPhone he pops open the SIM card slot and water pours out of it. My face is literally like 😑. He probably was thinking this guy dropped his iPhone in water and was trying to play it off like it was my fault.
At that point it was too late for him to do anything - he goes "Well I'm pretty sure this might have something to do with why it's broken" I took my phone and ran out of the store as quick as possible.
Sorry apple guy I didn't know :/ | got drunk , phone went swimming, blamed apple guy, water poured out of phone when he was changing the SIM card . |
t3_3hhruh | relationships | Does he(24M) want a relationship or am I(F20) just a booty call? | Hi relationships,
I have met this guy around a month ago - I am a bartender and he was my customer. We had a great connection, unilke many other guys trying to hit on me I actually remembered him.
After a couple of days he messaged me on facebook and we talked for a bit and he was very keen to see me. At first I was very hesitant, cause I promised myself that I won't be sleeping around anymore, and from my experience that is what guys mostly want from me(sadly...). But then I met him after work and he actually took me to the beach and we were talking and holding hands and even making out a little.
Then I have thought to myself - wow, actually decent guy, who would have said?? So I met him two days later at his. I didn't plan this but we had sex.
After that he went quiet for a couple of days, so I was angry at myself that I gave in so easily (but tbh he did as well, idk).. And after that he came to see me in my bar - he was apologising and telling me about the troubles he had with seeing his kid. Okay. Fair enough, but the next day I was going on holidays for three weeks so I would not see him for that period. He made me promise I will behave and he did as well.
So I went for my holidays. He messages me rarily and sometimes he asks for cheeky snapchats and I oblige.
He wants to see me on Saturday and he actually asked to have sex that night and when I told him that I have already made plans with my female friend he jokingly said that we can have a threesome.. That kind of annoyed me as I expected some kind of different response? Idk...
My question is - does he really want to be with me or does he only want to shag me? I am confused reddit. Should I tell him that I am not keen to be his booty call? Maybe he just wants to take things slowly? | met a guy, he says he likes me but I feel like he is not giving me enough attention and like he just wants to sleep with me. |
t3_2g45ta | tifu | TIFU by going to the wrong class... for a month. | I'm a junior in college now and this isn't so much that I fucked up today or yesterday, but that I've been fucking up for the last 3-4 weeks of classes.
My Intro to Business class was added at the last second and all I had done was switch from one Intro class to another. It's now Monday and Wednesday at 9:30am in room 1202. Well, my professor doesn't see me on his roster list after we make groups for a project and after taking one quiz. I got to the Office of the Registrar to see what's up but they say "well, you have 12 credits, including Intro to Business Mon/Wed, so there shouldn't be an issue". I say okay and just assume its some computer error in the system (I had no clue what was up). Well yesterday I e-mail my professor, that's on the syllabus I have, and he responds with "Yes, you are on my roster, but you haven't been to a single class and didn't participate in the first Exam covering Ch. 1 - 5, so I suggest you drop." My heart just dropped. I was SO sure I had everything right when walking to class, but now that I think about it, there are two classes RIGHT next to each other, 1202 and 1201. I'm now 90% sure I've been going to 1201 and not 1202. So now I'm just fucked out of paying for a class with absolutely no chance at passing. | I've been attending the class next door to the one I was supposed to for a month, missed an exam and every single class so far. |
t3_otedt | relationships | How to deal with Jealousy, I have had a past molestation and am bipolar... | All right, I have to make this short.
Long story short. I haven't dated in over 4 years.
I have been dating this girl I really like for about 2 months.
She is 21 I am 26.
If it's relevant, I was molested as a child and have been diagnosed with BiPolar 1.
I am having issues with her past. She has had a lot more sexual experience than I have and is very open and forward talking about it. When she brings it up I feel jealous and/or like there is nothing sexual that we can share that's unique.
I am meeting her in Vegas tomorrow (she is there with some family for her birthday). Here is an example of a conversation we had.
Me: We could go to a bar if you want, but that might cut into our 'special' time ;)
Sarah: Yea, but we are in Vegas, we can do that anywhere!
Me: Anywhere eh?
Sarah: lol, I'm pretty ridiculous... haha anymore questions?
Me: Yes, but I like surprises (being passive aggressive because I don't want to know)
Sarah: lol, I have had sex or done sexual things in some pretty crazy places
I haven't responded yet. This talk really makes me feel jealous and makes my mind go into overdrive mode (anxiety attack?) to where I get dizzy and can't stand up. I know some jealousy isn't a bad thing, it means I do like her and don't want to share my connection with her, but I am having a really hard time with this. I also know she is really into me so the past shouldn't bother me but it does, if she hand't had these past relationships would I still have met her?
Any advice? | Girlfriend is very forward about sex with past partners and much more experienced than I. It causes anxiety and jealousy to the point where I get dizzy. I don't want this to ruin our relationship. Help? |
t3_36b1du | tifu | TIFU by listening to Schoolboy Q | Yesterday I was listening to music while playing GTA 5. My roommate and his friend were in the next room hanging out. I put on the song "Druggys Wit Hoes Again" by Schoolboy Q and was really getting into it. It's like 8pm at night but I decided to take a shower, and as I'm passing by my roommate's room his friend called out "Hey man I'm digging the Schoolboy Q" or something like that. I wasn't really anticipating any social interaction at that moment, so I was caught off guard and replied "yeah 'schoolboy' is my life" in a way that was supposed to be facetious, but I got the tone all wrong and it just sounded weird.
Anyway, I just shrugged off the weird encounter and went into the bathroom. I decided to put on "Druggys Wit Hoes Again" again on my phone and thoroughly enjoy it while I stepped into the shower. I honestly meant to just listen to that song and then go back to shuffle, but instead I had set my phone to play from the rest of "Habits & Contradictions", the album the song was from. I really like that album anyway, so this isn't a problem.
So I got out of the shower and went back to GTA 5. I started playing Habits & Contradictions on my computer from where I left off and then I went to the kitchen to grab a snack. I got a text from a friend inviting me to go to a bar, so I went and had a grand time.
Well I got back around 5am and when I walked in my front door I could faintly hear "Druggys Wit Hoes Again" playing. I went into my room and realized that I had left my computer playing "Habits & Contradictions" on an endless loop for hours and hours, presumably until my roommate's friend had gone home thinking I was still burning incense at my Schoolboy Q altar. | A combination of social awkwardness and absent-mindedness has made a pretty good case to my roommate and his friend that I am obsessed with Schoolboy Q. |
t3_4g7zh7 | relationship_advice | I (21,F) have got myself into a kind-of relationship I don't want with (25,M). How do I get out without hurting his feelings? | So I've known this guy for about 6 months, he sometimes works the odd shift in my work so we see each other occasionally there. Recently we started going out drinking after work, like once a week.
One night after being out drinking we ended up back at my house and had sex. He came over again the next night and it happened again. He stays overnight and we cuddle, kiss, like a couple, its quite intimate. Because of this I can see why he now feels the way he does.
He told me he has feelings for me and even brought up the "what are we?" conversation, both to which I rudely brushed off, and I feel bad about it.
Basically he now acts like we are in a relationship, wants to hang out all the time, and even told one of our mutual friends that he is my boyfriend. But I really don't feel the same way, I'm not all that attracted to him, and to me it was just casual sex with a friend. I know it's my fault for letting it get to this point without laying down the intentions. How do I call this off without hurting the guys feelings? He's a very sweet, sensitive guy who's been cheated on by his ex's, so I really don't want to harm his already fragile self-esteem. | Started having casual sex with a friend, he now has feelings and wants a relationship. I don't feel the same and want out. How do I convey this without being a total bitch? |
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