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t3_ygm7v | relationships | [20m][19f] does this have any potential or am I reading signals wrong? | let's cut to the chase. 20m. 18f. known each other for about 3 weeks, met through a good mutual friend. we spent last week hanging out (for almost the entire weekend) with the mutual friend (who has his own female interests). had a fairly instant crush on her - sassy, mature, smart, driven. had sassy/flirty conversation the whole time, although it was all fairly innocuous and PG-rated.
i asked her out at the end of the weekend, she said she was flattered and agreed. she's very outgoing and talkative but somehow I got the sense that she doesn't have too much experience with boys (picky standards, shy, or something else?)
our date a couple days ago was a bit of a let down. we had fun and talked a lot, but i felt that I was driving most of the conversation. She definitely noticed (over dinner) and apologized, saying that she hadn't been sleeping well that week and felt very tired. That's fine, but I felt the physical chemistry was kind of odd too. Laughs, smiles, but when it came to actual physical contact she never reciprocated (I would touch her on the shoulder, take her by the waist, etc). She wasn't uncomfortable with it and never withdrew (she's used to it anyway, I'm sure, given she dances) but didn't reciprocate either.
Hug goodbye, end. Next day, she texts me she really had a good time although it seemed like she was about to pass out, and I hope we could do that again. ...I can't tell if she's interested in me, the signals seem mixed. | have awesome interactions with girl; develop crush on her; ask her out but date is strange. not sure what to make of it. |
t3_4ji7s2 | relationships | How can I [32F] gracefully unfollow someone [21F] who sees me as a mentor/friend? | I feel dumb for having to ask about social media.
I currently follow a former student on Tumblr. It's a little closer to a "friend" relationship -- she's been over to my place for dinner and my husband and I went to hers once to help her fix her internet. I also helped her find a therapist (my therapist, at the campus psych clinic) this fall.
I initially followed her on Tumblr because it was something we had in common. However, over the year, the amount of self-deprecating stuff she posts has been really getting to me. Also, it's embarrassing to admit, but it really really bothers me when she talks about therapy.
Basically, I feel like a terrible person because I know she has self-esteem issues (she frontloads EVERYTHING about herself with a negative statement, for example) and she sees me as a mentor. I also know that she has a Tumblr feature where she can see who has unfollowed her and she's specifically stated how much it bothers her when people she's friends with unfollow her.
I don't know what to do -- her posts are definitely getting to me, yet I feel like a terrible person for doing something that I think will harm her.
I know it was stupid to follow her in the first place, btw. This is the only student I've ever really communicated with -- I am definitely guilty of feeling like I could help her find some self-esteem, even just as an older friend. (Just for the record, it was a good semester after she took my class that we ever talked online.)
Please help -- any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! | I follow my former student, who has self-esteem problems, on Tumblr. I can't handle it anymore but feel like a terrible person. |
t3_t8r7o | AskReddit | What's a random (or not so random)act of kindness you did that really made someone's day? | Today I helped a fellow redditor with a food wishlist then posted in /r/food_pantry that the first two people to post for help would get it. I waited for a bit, and no one did. I was still in a super good mood, wanting to help. So on my way to Walmart on the corner a guy is flying a sign that says "Looking for a random act of kindness." I figured that was someone that obviously needed help
I went over and talked to him. We introduced ourselves and I asked him, "What can I do for you that will make your day better?" He said he would love a cheeseburger. I told him I'd get him food to eat now, but looking outward, what else did he need? He was put on the spot so I told him, "How about you come shopping with me and I'll give you $20 or so of whatever you need, and the cheeseburger doesn't count towards that." He asked if he could get cigarettes too, and I told him that it's not my place to judge. So he got some cigs, canned food, chips, socks, and said that a salad actually sounded better than a cheeseburger. I told him he could get both, that it's all good. Throughout all this we had a good conversation about people and life etc. Then I told him to get a full meal at McD's, not just a cheeseburger. So he got a grilled chicken meal or something.
He said thanks so much, I said goodbye and to have a good day. I dropped him back off, and went about my day. Feelsgoodman.jpg | Helping on reddit got me pumped to help in the real world. Took a guy in need shopping for basics and bought him lunch. |
t3_e003x | AskReddit | The Value of Time and How We Spend | Well Reddit I am a high school student. Normally I am a student who more than excels in his classes and pretty much never really falls behind. Yesterday I had a few over due assignments to do, so I did half of them and starting around 8:30 I played Burnout Paradise online until about 1:30 this morning. Slept till 6 woke up and I feel FAN FUCKING TASTIC. Normally I think this behavior is stupid and irresponsible but I was just having too much fun. SO Reddit I guess what I mean to ask is how do you put value on your time and are you ever surprised when you do something for hours you wouldn't have thought of doing and enjoyed yourself? | I skipped doing a few over due assignments to play Burnout Paradise for about 6 hours, slept for 4-5 hours and feel fucking amazing. How do you enjoy your time reddit? |
t3_27wvuh | loseit | [help]i wanna lose it but theres problems | long time lurker here
i was motivated by all of yalls victories within the war with weight.well monday i decided to walk a mile at my local park(well not really local since i do have a park that is easily accessed by just crossing the intersection but i prefer the other one that is 3/4 mile away hence the fact that each lap you complete is half a mile.)i did that was jamming but i gave up after my phone fell in the water.without my phone i cant go walk around da city at 4:00 am or 5:00 am.and what i hate about my home though is that everytime i come theres junk food. im trying to beat the shit out of the fat but somehow my weapon is weak like fuck.all i see in my home is just pigs. ughh i hate describing it that buts its the fucking truth. im trying to change but they seem like they dont and they gave up and accepted it as fate.r/loseit please help me i gotta get going i dont want to return to school as the same person but i want them to notice that i lost weight. | i want to lose weight but i cant due to the fact that i got obstacles that wont let me beat the shit out of fat. |
t3_1irpdq | relationships | Me[26M] got dumped by ex-gf [23F], 2.5 yr relationship. Need advice on how to get over her | We met in college and were together for 6 months before she went to do Peace Corps in Africa. We made it work with rough patches in between for about 17 months. A month ago, it finally ended. She basically told me she no longer viewed me romantically anymore. Near the end, about 1.5 months before the breakup, she had become less and less communicative and affectionate. She isn't an affectionate person in general but it was worse near the end.
Anyways, I am just trying to get over her and I don't know what to do. I have been going out constantly and doing things like volunteer work, biking on the beach with friends, attending classical concerts, working out, etc etc.. Whatever I do, after the momentary distraction ends, she pops back in my head and I can't stop thinking about her. She takes over my thoughts and my mood is ruined.
The most painful part is that we came SO close. We were on the home stretch and we only had 5 more months to go. That is perhaps the most painful part to deal with, to come so close only to have to fall apart at the end. You spend all your time and energy trying to build something beautiful and it is just so painful to see it destroyed.
I keep telling myself that it wasn't meant to be if she wasn't willing to put in the same amount of effort I was but it just doesn't seem to help. I want to take control of my thoughts and not have them constantly be sabotaged like this. She wanted to initially be friends and keep talking and I had agreed to it but she was barely sending a few texts every 1-1.5 weeks. My final words to her were that I don't want such a hollow friendship and that I am taking the full no contact route and blocking her on messaging/social media/etc. I haven't spoken to her since. It's been a month since I sent that text. | Can't get over ex. She has taken over my thoughts. I want to be happy and continue living with my life. Please give me advice. |
t3_2upu2l | relationships | My SO [29M] doesn't think he and i [25F] will be together. | English is not my first language so i will try my hardest to make this post readable.
We've been dating for the last 2.5 years and are currently in grad school. He doesn't think we will necessarily be together when school is finished because we will go our different paths, and that we should just enjoy the moments we are sharing together right now. I don't seeing the same way as he sees it. I picture us together and fighting through the challenges of being separated, and i am hurt he doesn't see it the way i do. We enjoy each other's company, we love each other very much. We talked about it and still view our relationship as said above. Why isn't he willing to admit to just trying when the time comes? Am i overreacting to the situation? Should i just "go with the flow"? I am happy right now. But still sad at the possibility of it ending. | SO isn't willing to admit to trying being together when we are done school. I view things differently. He says we are happy right now and shouldn't worry until the time comes and i am hurt. Am i overreacting? |
t3_3rb3q4 | relationships | Me[17M] drifting away from with my girlfriend[17F] of 2 years because of god and alcohol. | My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years now and for the past half year or so we have been slowing becoming different people.
She is fairly into religion and I recently admitted to her that I don't believe in god. Religion also leads to other problems because she doesn't want to have sex until she is certain we will get married.
Also, she hates it when I drink with my friends. This could be a problem in the future since if we continue dating into college(we are most likely going to the same college just out of chance) I will probably drink on a somewhat regular basis and I would like to have a girlfriend who would do this with me.
I still love her but we are just different people than when we got together. I like to spend time with her most of the time but it definitely isn't as fun as it used to be. At this point I'm almost hoping she breaks up with me. I would miss her a lot but I feel like I'm trapped right now. It almost feels like I would be sad whether we stayed together or broke up. To add to my troubles, she still very much wants to date me and I would feel horrible if I broke up with her. Especially since I see her in school every day and she is in 3 of my classes.
Sorry for rambling on with no clear structure. Please help me figure out what to do. | My girlfriend and I are drifting apart because I want to have sex, while she wants to wait and I want to drink, while she doesn't. |
t3_1dpooe | relationships | Do I [17f] stick it out the last month, or do I tell him [18m] I realized too late that I'm not interested? | I've been friends with this guy since eighth grade. We're both seniors in high school right now, in the last month, and we discussed the possibility that we might actually like each other in a romantic sort of way.
So, yesterday, we went on a "date." It was here that I realized that I am not attracted to him. It is neither of our faults; to me it just speaks to a natural lack of attraction. I truly thought there might have been a chance before this date, and I feel awful about reneging on my purposed feelings. Because it's so close to the end, we didn't agree to date, but there was an implication of a continued romantic relationship.
Do I tell him straight up that I made a mistake? Or would it be better to just go with it for three weeks before we graduate and likely never see each other again? | He likes me, I don't like him, but I am weak and know it would be easier to wait it out. What do I do? |
t3_36lbhe | relationships | Me [20 M] with my bf [20 M] 5 months, I feel like I'm always the one who initiates intamacy | I've been with him for a good 5 months, and we both love each other, but its hard for me because I feel like I'm always the only one who starts intamacy.
Eg. When he lays in bed or rolls over to face his back to me I immediately know what's up and go over and comfort him etc, but when I need a hug or the comfort I literally need to spell it out for him; he will just stay at his computer and will just talk to other people on the internet.
Why do I feel so bad about this?
Why do I need to spell out how I feel when it should be really easy to pick up on? | I feel like I always am the one who gives passive hugs and love in general and I never receive anything like that back. I literally need to spell out my feelings to him and I don't know why |
t3_1kp2v8 | relationships | 21(M) dating a girl and having a hard time being hard | So I started dating this girl (21F)a while back, and I lost my virginity to her. Going into that I had some issues with erections, nerves and whatnot. I solved that, or so I thought. Since I had no trouble really a couple times after that. Come this last weekend we were fine at night, but we went for another go the next morning and my downstairs brain was apparently just not cooperating. I am not a hugely sexually motivated person (sex is not a high goal for me, I enjoy it, but it is not a huge driver in my life). So I was wondering if that had much to do with it. I am also still pretty unfamiliar with the territory and figured that may be part of it. I dunno, she is super cool and has given no indication of it bothering her, though naturally I fear that it is bothering her. Does anyone have any suggestions or knowledge or insight or something? | Had issues getting it up when first sleeping with girlfriend, overcame that temporarily, but it happens around half the time now. Have any tips? |
t3_1dja5u | relationships | How do I [23F] break up with my live in boyfriend [27M]? | So this is my first time breaking up with anyone, let alone a live in boyfriend. I guess I'll start from the beginning.
We started dating 3 1/2 years ago and moved in together a year ago in July. Before we moved in I had some doubts about us but the lease was already signed and I thought I'd get over it. Long story short, I never did and haven't really been happy the past year. I've been depressed and just not myself and I've come to the conclusion that it's this toxic relationship.
As I stated before, this is my first time breaking up with someone. I don't even know how to start the conversation. Our lease is up at the end of July and I'm willing to take over the rent so he can move out early. But how do I even start the break up conversation? I've been fairly distant lately (another reason I believe I'm making the right choice to break up) so I'm hoping that this isn't just out of the blue for him. Although he is fairly oblivious.
Another factor in my situation is he is graduating college in a week. I don't want to be in all his pictures and a part of his big day when I know now that I don't want to be with him. I feel that it would just be wrong and deceitful to celebrate with him but I also feel that breaking up with him right before graduation would also be a huge bummer.
I'm also unsure of the moving out situation. Do I bring it up right away when I break up with him or wait a few days? Do I offer to separate our stuff or trust him to do it, or even box stuff up for him? I would like to stay in my apartment since I've already paid the pet deposit for my dog (nonrefundable) and I'd rather not have to pay another place. I can also afford the apartment on my own whereas he cannot, so is it reasonable to ask him to leave even though I'm the one breaking up with him?
I'm sorry if this was rambling and unorganized, if anything needs to be clarified I'm more than willing to answer questions and give more details. | Need to breakup with live in boyfriend, I essentially want to know: how to initiate breakup conversation, can I ask him to move out (and how), and if the timing of his graduation matter. |
t3_33qd2a | relationships | Me (31f) looking for advice on how to support my best friend (31f) whose husband may go to jail for a year. | I tried to post this in a different sub, said this would be the better one to go to.
My first post I did get comments about how she should just drop him, but that didn't address the question: How can *I* help my friend?
No sentence has been set yet. He did not do anything violent, nor did he steal anything. I'd rather not say his specific crime, but it is considered a felony, but it is one of the lower tier ones, not sure which class it is though. The minimum amount of time he is facing is a year, could be more. She is also pregnant and will be giving birth to their first born in a few months.
Her head is spinning and is worried about a lot of things, and I have no idea what to say or what to do to support her. She still loves him, and I believe they will stay together despite this.
I know reddit's knee-jerk reaction is to crucify everyone who has done something wrong in the past, but that's not going to help in this situation. The person going to jail is my friend too, and I still care about them despite the fact that they fucked up. I hope that sentiment can be understood. I'm not going to demonize a friend who has so many other good qualities, despite the fact they may need mental help and therapy.
My friend is questioning a lot about the future, the obvious things she's worried about are:
* Basically becoming a single mom for the first year or so of their child's life. How will she manage the cost by herself, going to work, and everything else that is involved with raising a child by yourself?
* Maintaining a relationship while he is away. Apparently it costs a lot of money to even go to jail, and it costs money for phone calls?
* The chances of him getting a "real job" (like a 9-5 office job, with good benefits, PTO, salary, raises, etc) with a felony on his record.
* People's judgement and questions when they learn what has happened. | My pregnant best friend's husband is most likely going to go away for jail for a year. She's worried about everything. What can I do to support her? |
t3_32ba2n | relationships | Me [22/F] I feel like the more I interact with people, the less I understand them. | Forgive the lack of details, but way too many friends and family reddit.
I've been isolated pretty much my entire life from regular person-to-person social interaction for reasons I'll leave unspecified.
Over the past few years, I've been slowly increasing my social interaction with people in person. And it leaves me feeling, as the title suggests, that the more I interact with them, the less I understand them. The little ins and outs of social interaction that everyone seems to just *get* naturally. I've never been able to tell a comment from someone being critical. If someone is trying to deliberately spend time away from me, or if there were just two naturally occurring events that required them to. So-the reading of people's motivations behind their actions. If a silence is comfortable or uncomfortable. If someone reassuring me, or there's other motivations. The small, everyday nuances most people don't think twice about.
I've been in therapy for reasons unrelated for an extremely long period of time-over a decade. I don't think I have asperger's or am on the spectrum-I find it hard to believe multiple health professionals would have missed it. I also don't have issues with routines, or empathizing. If anything, I empathize too deeply about the people I care about. One of my best friends *is* on the spectrum, and he's probably the only person that does get what I mean when I say I feel less like a person, and more like a people. I just think mine is born out of isolation and inexperience.
How do I feel more like a person, redditors? How does one even go about making up for over two decades of missed near-everyday social interaction? | I feel like a people, and want to feel like a person. The more social interaction I have, the less I seem to understand. How do I change this? |
t3_18vlbz | relationships | I (24/M) don't know if I love my fiance (22/F) and vice-versa | Req: I am 24/M and my fiance is 22/f. We've been together for about seven years. We don't live together. | My fiance has no qualms separating whenever she's upset. Relationship is amazing otherwise. Should I break this off? |
t3_4qobwz | tifu | TIFU by forgetting to complete my online BioSig ID and getting kicked out of my college class. | I am a High School Senior next year, and because I didn't want to take high school English (my least favorite class), I decided to take a dual enrollment class at the community college near me. I applied, got in, and it seemed like everything was going to be fine. My first assignment wasn't due for a full month, and the reading wasn't very much, so I pretty much forgot about the class until today, aside from reading my textbook now and then. I have been on vacation for the past week, and today I had some free time so I decided to log into the website where the class is held to catch up. It was at this moment I realized my screw up - I could no longer see my course. I went back and checked my college email, which I had also been absent-mindedly ignoring while on vacation, and I noticed that i had not gotten a single email for 10 days, which is unusual.
After further investigation, I realized that I had forgotten to complete my BioSig ID, which is an ID system that lets the college make sure that you are who you say you are. It seems that I must have missed a deadline, and now that combined with my inactivity in the class has led to me being removed from the class.
I have now emailed my professor asking what I can do, but I think that I will have to take high school English after all. | I was lazy and forgot to complete my college online ID, and now I have wasted $400, and need to retake the course. |
t3_3to59a | relationships | My(19) girlfriend(18) i feel like acted out of line on my recently passed fathers birthday. | So here's the situation. My father who was my best friend in the entire world just recently passed away. And by recently I mean it's only been about three weeks. Yesterday was my fathers birthday so as if it hasn't been a hard time already, my family still wanted to celebrate his birthday.
Now me and my girlfriend have been dating for about two years now. It's your typical relationship problems and such but we're really happy together for the most part. She had a good bond with my dad as well. But on his birthday, which had been such an emotional day for me, she decided she wasn't happy at the fact I haven't been showing her enough affection. And that I haven't been acting as loving and caring lately. And this really set me off. Now just some background she is a very needy person to say the least. But I generally don't mind it honestly.
But all trough out the day she's is acting as if I'm one of the worst persons on earth because I'm not hugging and kissing her constantly.
She pulls me aside and tells me she isn't happy with our relationship because of the way I have been acting. I'm not sure what to think of it and I'm not sure where to even go from here. I mean I'm happy with her but I feel like her acting this way is kinda messed up. | my dad passed away my girlfriend of two years wasn't happy I didn't show her as much affection on his birthday. |
t3_15z5eb | tifu | TIFU: Skin tags on gooch + dental floss | So recently I was browsing reddit and saw someone post how one way to get rid of skin tags is to tie dental floss around them. It cuts off oxygen until it dies basically and falls off.
About a month or 2 ago, I got what I thought was an ingrown hair right on my gooch. I picked at it and it eventually turned into a tiny little skin tag... Recently it started to hurt more and more and sex with my boyfriend kept making it worse. We hang out quite a bit so on a day I knew I wouldn't see him I decided to try this dental floss idea. I spent a solid hour just trying to tie it on, and cut the strings shorter once it was on. A few hours later I felt around and didn't feel anything there so I figured the floss fell off and it didn't work.
As it turns out my boyfriend had to come over that night because he left his car in a place he didn't have access to until the next day. We started fooling around and he starts going down on me then stops all of a sudden. I figured he saw the skin tag and it was maybe irritated or something so I say "oh if there's anything weird down there it might be the skin tag". His reply "babe it's like 2 inches long..."
The dental floss was still there, I just hadn't felt it right. Almost died of embarrassment. Thankfully he still finished going down on me and we ended off having great sex. He laughed it off and told me I was weird as hell, but it was really funny. Luckily we've been together for a few years and he didn't judge me *too* much over it.
For those curious the next day I realized the floss and the skin tag were gone. **it actually worked! | tied a piece of floss to my skin tag on my gooch, didn't realize it was still there when boyfriend went down on me and saw it. |
t3_4ih576 | relationships | Me [29 M] with my wife [29 F] of 5 years, difference of opinion over having children leading to major issues. | We met online, dated for a year and got married. Had to get through initial struggles of learning to deal with conflict in a way that works for both people. We're open and honest with each other with wants and needs and overall has been a very fulfilling relationship.
We didn't have too much in common in terms of hobbies/interests but enjoyed each others' company for the most part.
Recently we've had serious talks about having children. She wants them and I don't. Now, we spoke about children before we got married. My stance was not now, but maybe in the future. Her stance was not now, but definitely in the future. We fucked up in that neither of saw it as a major issue that we had to agree on in the beginning.
Fast forward to now and I am sure that I do not want children after interacting with kids of friends and overall just growing up to be someone who doesn't have any desire to be a parent. I did not know that this is the way I would feel when I married my wife.
This difference has now lead to constant fighting and in general being overly critical of each other. It feels as though whatever made it special for us quickly fading. We've had plenty of fights in the past but never have I felt the need to discuss it on Reddit before. This is something different. It is making is question if we are even right for each other.
Neither of us is blaming each other and we understand that it's a shitty position to be in for both of us. I obviously feel more at fault, because I was the one who wasn't sure, but she always was.
So where does this leave us? I see two options, one of us bend to make the other happy, or we call it quits. We've both pondered over the options millions of times and are just sick and tired of it always being in the back of our minds. Thoughts, reddit? | Wife has always wanted kids, I was unsure initially but now am sure I don't. Difference is causing small issues to blow up and not sure where to go from here. |
t3_1xb69e | tifu | TIFU by making fun of someone who stutters | So I was playing Runescape with a couple of friends on skype. We just started playing so we came up with the brilliant idea of inviting a guy from our class to the RS chat. He is basically an outsider in the class and barely anyone talks to him but he has 99 on every skill so we thought it could be fun to invite him. He also stutters which is important for the later part of this story.
So we're playing and a bunch of my friends are making fun of his stutters in the Skype call we are having and I just thought it was kind of shitty behavior. But we are not saying anything bad to him in the RS chat.
Later, we meet this Dutch dude who we talk to and the guy who stutters hasn't said anything for like an hour at this point. So, because the topic in the skype call has been about stuttering for a long time I jokeingly ask the Dutch dude, in the same RS chat, if he stutters. Suddenly, I realise the dude who stutters is still in the chat.
Fuck.
So now I feel like a total douchebag and I'll have to talk to him on monday and apologize. | I made a joke about people who stutter while a dude from my class who stutter was in the same chat. |
t3_231xxh | relationships | I [22M] think my mum [56F] has a drinking problem and I don't know how to deal with this. | **Background**
My parents run a very successful restaurant in France. My parents have been in the industry for over 30 years and due to running their own restaurant it is safe to say that they are worked to the bone. My parents have been together for over 35 years now. I am still studying at University and have done so for the past 5 years. I only go home on vacation every 2/3 months or so.
**The issue**
My parents is an extremely driven and ambitious man, and has been quite strict while I grew up. My mother is kind of a doormat as my dad imposes his wishes on her but they have been together all this time. They argue a lot but it's always been this way. I don't think my mum is happy with her life as she has been working all the time and has been basically walked on by my dad but she never left him (?!).
*Every* evening after working at the restaurant, she goes home and has a bottle of wine by herself. Does that qualify as having a drinking problem? A few months ago she raised the issue to me, saying she realises she drinks a lot and wants to stop, but that was the end of the conversation.
I know this problem only concerns my mum but what can I do to help her? I really don't know how to approach the situation and whether I should talk to her about it.
I'm happy to clarify any point of this story or provide additional information. | I think my mum has a drinking problem, I don't know whether/how I should talk to her about it. |
t3_1ntgwh | relationships | Me [30 M] got dumped by my gf [31 F] for my best friend [29 M] | My gf left me for by BEST friend a little over a month ago, about the end of august. We were all out with a group of friends, drinking, having a blast. I went outside for a smoke and saw them making out. She then left with him with no explanation. The next day she came home to grab some stuff and explained she's been seeing him for the last 6 months. I'm completely devastated.
It's been about 1 month now and she still hasn't come back to get all her stuff. She came over once to grab clothes, we ended up having sex all afternoon, then she left. I was weak.
My friend has recently been texting me wanting to 'repair' our friendship. My ex has been calling me, telling me how much she misses me and being with me. I'm still crazy for this woman after everything, and I'd love to be with her, but I don't know what to do. I mean, I know I should just say, hey come get your shit and go away, but I can't. At first I thought I was just scared of being alone, but I truly miss her and still love her. As for my friend, I seem to hate him more each time he contacts me.
I know to most of you this seems like a black and white situation, but I'm still confused. My head tells me one thing, but my feelings tell me another. 30 is too old for this shit for sure. How should I approach this situation? | gf left me for by friend, he wants to be friends, she teases about coming back, i don't know what to do. |
t3_4e0c8x | relationships | Me [28 M] with my GF [28 F] 2yrs, sometimes I feel like I work too hard on this | Hi, my GF and I have enjoyed an overall good relationship for the past two years. We click really well and are both similar. She's my best friend and I love her. However at the same time being in a relationship is really hard sometimes. She had a crazy ex+father who both caused her to be insanely mistrustful of me at first and would lash out at me and accuse me of cheating for very trivial reasons like I was out late with friends. However since I had previously broken up with tons of girls after the first fight I wanted to stick this one out, got a therapist, got training on how to deal with my partners emotions and even how to express mine better. Overall I think it was a positive but difficult experience. She even got a therapist and got a lot better but we would still fight over silly things when she got stressed.
Right now she's stressed again because she's trying to do a career switch while working full time and once again we're fighting over silly things like the fact I wasn't home when she got back from work because I was running errands. I really do love her but sometimes I feel like this thing is just too hard. I'm in grad school and am pushing myself to the brink to maintain sobriety (6 years :D) A's in CS, a research lab, and my GF's emotional stability, along with my patience for it all. Any advice/personal experience with something along these lines would be really helpful | Girlfriend and I both love each other but we fight when she gets stressed out. I'm tired of all the fighting and feel like I am running out of patience |
t3_12mus8 | relationships | I [M22] can't stop saying mean things to my SO about her [F23] past. | I've been seeing my girlfriend for over 9 months and we've been in a relationship for 5. The first night we met each other, we all got really drunk and high on MDMA and she got with my best friend all night and ended up giving him 2 blow jobs (one of which I was in the room for). At this point we weren't seeing each other so it didn't bother me, but after we got together it became a real issue. I couldn't stop picturing it (he'd told me about it in detail afterwards).
One of the other issues I'm having problems with is that she's slept with a lot more people than me (I've slept with 4, she's slept with 12). I realise this is immature, but it's something I'm having difficulty dealing with. She's also has a lot more experience than me, lesbian relationships, threesomes etc
All this is causing me to not only feel bad/upset but also say nasty things to her about her past, I don't want to be like this and hate to upset someone but It just keeps happening.
Apart from this the relationship is great, we really love each other and get along incredibly well. She's a lovely person and I've never been in such a great relationship. Any advice would be really great as I want to move on and stop being so immature! | Can't get over the things my girlfriend has done (esp. things with best friend), causing me to say nasty things. |
t3_meicn | relationships | Coould really use some advice. | My GF:20 and I (M:20)have been dating for 1.5 years, everything is fine in our relationship but I really am concerned with her relationship with her Mom and myself being dragged into it.
Her Mom is extremely overbearing, needs to be in constant contact and etc. This amongst drives her absolutely insane but the main issue is her firm belief that my GF is terminally ill. I was always told about how her mom insisted on frequent bloodtests and checkups to the doctor and it is to the point where my GF pretty much avoids any conversation with her Mom at the fear of having the topic come up. GF's Mom called me hysterically crying saying she looks sick because of dark rings around her eyes(Early AM college classes/studying), she was begging me to convince GF to take another blood test.
I am sympathetic to the woman because I know she lost a sister to leukemia at a young age but this can't be healthy and am worried about the stress it puts in my SO. Gfs mom already sees a therapist for issues from a divorce. Have any suggestions on how to handle this type of behavior? | GF's mom is an overbearing hypochondriac who is convinced my girlfriend has cancer even after multiple blood tests prove she doesn't. |
t3_3c8c81 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my gf [19 F] for 9 months, got jealous about her getting proposed to with a fake plastic ring | So basically this is a quick story and some of you guys will probably think I am one of those stupidly jealous boyfriends, but my girlfriend and I are on summer right now from college so we are doing long distance.
My girlfriend has been going out with her friends a couple of times and she always tells me about guys hitting on her. This always ends up in fights. But last night she got blacked out at the club she went to (which already pisses me off that she doesn't control her moderation of drinking) and she woke up with a plastic fake ring on her finger. So I may be that stupid overly jealous boyfriend so don't be afraid to let me know this but she said the story is some guy proposed to her in the club and she was telling me this and she is like "isn't that hilarious?!?" The more she kept telling me about it the more pissed off I got. I didn't think it was funny at all and just imagined this as another guy hitting on her at the club. This put me in a really bad mood hearing this for some reason and I just want to know if I this would make anyone else mad. | long distance girlfriend got wifed up by fella w/ plastic ring while drunk, boyfriend angry. Boyfriend doesn't know if he should be angry? Boyfriend may be sorry... |
t3_4d6f2k | relationships | Me [48F] with my boyfriend [57 M] almost two years duration, last night he told me he thinks I love him a lot more than he loves me. But that he still loves me, and doesn't want to break up. | In my mind, this means it is time for a break up. I don't feel like I can even look at him or face him now that he has said this. He didn't say a little - he said A LOT. But then he said, "but I do care about you very much and I do love you. I just think you love me a lot more." This morning he texted and asked if I want to hang out this afternoon. I told him the truth.... after being told that I love him a lot more than he loves me, I am too ashamed to be with him. Is this not a normal reaction? I thought we were in a normal equal relationship, although i had been doing a lot of things for him because he has been undergoing immunotherapy for melanoma (which is cured the treatment is to prevent recurrence). So I have done a lot of cooking and laundry for him because he is tired. I have been making a lot of excuses for his bad attitude because he was very tired from the treatment.
But now, being told this...I just want to avoid him. It is so embarrassing. What am I supposed to do? Hang around and hope he eventually loves me more? What should I do? | Boyfriend told me last night he thinks I love him a lot more than he loves me. How do I deal with that? |
t3_4jih54 | relationship_advice | Two dates this week??? Me [20f], boys A and B [20sM] Is it okay? | So I met both these boys on a dating site. I've been talking to boy A this last week and we hit it off talking about books and shit, which was a nice change from the small talk I usually have to put up with. I'm going on a date with him this weekend, his idea (I posted about this previously, he wants to have sex and I'm pretty much okay with this as long as we click on the date).
Now boy B has started talking to me, he's cute but we haven't been talking much so it's mostly just based on his looks, the kind of cheeky fun vibe I got from his profile and the fact that he wants to meet me in a couple of days. I think that'd be nice because I went on a date a couple weeks ago with ANOTHER boy from this site and we were talking for about two weeks beforehand, and by the time we met up it was awkward to think of it as a date.
I've not told either boy about the other. I've not defined anything with either of them, but I did tell boy A that I wasn't really talking to anyone else on the site or any other site apart from the brief small talk to be polite to guys contacting me. But that was before boy B wanted to meet me. | Am I being rude having two dates in one week, the second before the first? Should I tell them I'm also seeing other people from the site? |
t3_37mgnp | college | Extremely stressed out about what major I have to pick | Hello from California. I just finished my first year of community college and I hope to transfer after the next year. I really want to be a teacher. I'm interested in teaching either science or elementary. I know there are transfer requirements for certain majors and I should pick classes that are geared towards them but I'm honestly confused. I'm interested in environmental science but I'm piss poor at math, and calculus is required for environmental science. I haven't even done precalc yet. I have a 4.0 and once I take math classes next semester I know it's going to drop. I'm almost finished with the IGETC and I want to transfer to a state school but I still haven't picked a major/classes geared towards environmental science major other than oceanography (just picked ECE classes for next semester & algebra 2)..
According to the class requirements for the major I need an engineering, physics, chemistry, etc.I don't have these yet. | I guess I will have to see how algebra 2 teaches me before I pick a science major. will I be able to transfer with an undecided major/non-related classes since I don't know what I want to be yet? |
t3_vvonv | relationships | Pregnancy Scare | I've been dating this girl for 8 months now, both 19 and go to school together. We've only been sexually active for about 2 of the 8 months. Last time we had sex, the condom slipped off. I felt it almost right away, but now she is flipping out thinking that she is pregnant. She cant afford birth control, and I would buy it and drive down to her, but don't have the money for gas and the pill. (she lives and hour and a half away)
She said that she didn't want to talk to me, and that we should go on break for a couple days. I'm worried about her because shes been depressed before, and last time i heard from her she was freaking out and . Should I call her and try and calm her down, or should I wait for her to come to me. I'm lost at this point and don't know what to do. Any advice would help greatly. | Condom slipped off, shes flipping out, we're on break at her request, not sure if i should call her or wait for her to come to me. |
t3_1zgy97 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my GF [19 F] of 6 months. I love her but I don't know if I should keep going or give up? | Hey guys, this is a great subreddit and some of the best advice I've ever seen given has been right here!
So I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months now and she's really great, I love her and when she makes me happy, she makes me ecstatic. She's wonderful. By my nature, I'm a worried insecure person. Not on the surface, but when I enter into a relationship, If I really end up caring about the girl involved I can just love too much, I think.
Anyway, we've had a few discussion in the past about me feeling like she's going to leave, or that she thinks less of me than when we first started dating or something of that ilk. She always reassures me that this isn't the case and that she loves me.
On Sunday, we went for a walk on the beach and she told me that she felt she needed to spend more time with her family and that she couldn't be around as much. I took this the wrong way and immediately thought that she was trying to distance herself. I told her this and she became upset, telling me that I made her feel like she had to watch what she says always, that she "was walking on eggshells constantly". There were some tears shed, but its better now. I just don't know if I can keep going on if it makes me into this insecure, paranoid wreck? And worse, making her feel on edge like that! I love her, I really do and she tells me she loves me, but I don't know if I can keep this up?
What do ye think? | Love my girlfriend, but being in a relationship makes me demanding and insecure, I don't feel like either of us need that. What do? |
t3_2l9nsj | relationship_advice | I need help with my[19/f] relationship with my SO [22/m] for 3 years. | Ok, I really don't know where to start but I really need help.
First off, my SO has emotionally, and once or twice, physically abuse me. I have became very dependent on him emotionally. I grew up with no care in the world on how I look to other people or to please other people, so people often tells me I don't know how to take care of myself and someday no one would like me. That kinda stuck and I really thought no one would ever like me so every effort I make to make my self look desirable enough just felt so pointless so I stopped trying.
My current SO has been my very fist bf and I thought that he would be the only person that would like me. I didn't want him to leave me, I tolerated everything he did, forgave him a lot of times for cheating on me, hitting me once or twice, and lying to me. I just can't let go of him. Every time I try to leave him he always tell me that I'll never find anyone else that could put up with me for so long and I thought he's probably right, thus making me beg for him back again.
There's a lot behind this story but I just want to know where to start. I don't know what to do. I don't think I love him anymore but every time I try to leave it makes me want to have him back again and I feel like I can't live my life without him. I know a lot is wrong with me but I'm just so confused and I just don't know where to start. | I want to leave the douchebag of a boyfriend I have but every time I do I just end up wanting him back again. |
t3_2pq6df | relationships | Me [22 F] with [24 M], Is it wrong what I did? | I met this guy on a online dating website. The date was going great. I thought we were having a connection and conversation was always flowing. Never awkward. Anyways, we ended up back in his place. I found him incredibly sexually attractive and emotionally attractive. And then one thing led to the other, we ended up making out and.... which is something I never do! I am strictly a emotional person behind sex of any kind. But my sexual energy took the best of me. So I regret doing this because I felt I could've had a emotional connection with this guy. I texted him like four days later asking if he wanted to hang out during the weekend. But then he said that he couldn't since he has plans, but he said next time for sure. Idk if that is a subtle way of him saying not interested or is he actually saying next time for sure. | Is there any way to fix this? Should I wait for him to make the move since I already initiated that I wanted to see him this weekend? |
t3_3rl128 | relationships | How do I (21F) tell my partner (18-19M) in class that he smells terrible? | I joined a class of about 20 students in August (they've been together for the past year or so). I've been having a hard time getting to know the group since they've all known each other and I'm the "outsider".
Anyways, for this school, we have 3 week courses where you work every day with your partner. Side by side, 8 hours a day. I got stuck with the guy that no one really wants to work with.
He's generally a nice guy, but he's lazy, immature, makes racist jokes, and he's already stopped showing up for 2 out of the 3 blocks this semester. I can handle that.
What I can't handle is that he smells awful. I'm talking, never bathes and doesn't understand the concept of deodorant awful. It makes me nauseous just being within a 6 ft radius of him, let alone being stuck beside him for 3 weeks. We are in a kitchen with ovens running, so it's pretty hot most of the time. But nobody else stinks like this guy.
How should I handle something like this? Ask for a different partner? Tell him he stinks? Ask my chef instructor to tell him? | I'm stuck working with the King of B.O. in my class and don't know how to handle it. |
t3_34lwke | relationships | I[21M] pretty much destroyed the relationship with my gf[20F] because I overreacted. Need Help! | Yesterday we were out at a friends party and it was fun in the beginning but somehow I was hurt by some things she said before.
At one point I suddenly overreacted after a friend of her and her said again something just to annoy me and I just said "well, you are dead to me" to both of them.
It was the most stupid thing that I could have done but I did.
I tried to apologize but alle she said was "Im not mad at you... Im just disappointed"
I dont want to lose her so please help me. | I said "You are dead to me" to my gf and I dont know how I can explain to her that I didn't mean it. |
t3_1wa0c9 | relationships | I (18F) am in at a social dead end. I have very few friends and very few hobbies. | I have a couple of friends with which I share little in common anymore; I also do not get to see them very often. I have a boyfriend of a year who I depend on for most of my social needs. I am genuinely jealous of the fact that he sees his friends once a week. I am lucky if I see anybody but him once a month.
I have recently got a job at a bar and there are a couple of people there I get along with, but I don't know how to progress to the friendship stage? I have anxiety and depression and this makes it difficult to maintain friendships now. The friends I ***do*** have are ones I made before I had anxiety/depression.
The other day I had an old friend come over who I don't get to see often and I thought to myself "I will keep in contact and see her often" but it just doesn't happen. I get nervous I will run out of things to say with new people. | my boyfriend is the only person I see regularly; need new friends but don't know how to make them. Help.*** |
t3_25x5g9 | relationships | I [19F] broke up with [20M] boyfriend to keep from destroying him completely, but he wants to reconcile | So I've cheated on this guy twice. Yeah, I'm that girl. The first time was not in-person-physical, just text and phone-based. After that ended, my relationship actually got stronger and much better. Things got much worse towards the end of the semester because of stress. After I convinced myself that he and I were not going to make it as a couple, I got physically and emotionally involved with a very close friend of mine (actually because I had feelings for him, not just to fill the gap my boyfriend left behind). I didn't break up with my boyfriend before starting this because I didn't want to cause him stress before his exams.
Well, shortly after exams, he became the sweetest, most caring boyfriend in the world and has put all of his focus on me. I know my heart doesn't love all of him anymore, or I wouldn't be so into another guy. So I eventually mustered up enough courage to break up with him tonight, but I didn't tell him that I'd been seeing someone else. I loved my boyfriend very very much when things were good and I just can't hurt him like that. We're both destroyed right now, but he wants to continue to talk because he wants me to fix the way I see him, which is what I told him was the problem this evening. I know he doesn't want to let me go, and his being so perfect after exams really threw me for a loop because that's the version of him I wanted all along. For the record, we had been together for ~nine months.
How can I be sure he isn't right for me after all when I thought he would never change and he suddenly is the perfect guy? And should I keep him in the dark about the other guy and just blame it all on me so he doesn't get hurt? | Dated guy for nine months, cheated on him twice, know I shouldn't stay with him, but should I tell him about my infidelity? |
t3_3u88d8 | relationships | My GF [21F] and I [22M] have been together for 2 years and are now on a break, but I want her back. What can I do? | As said in the title, my girlfriend and I have been together for about two years. After a rough patch, I decided to have a break from her, without completely breaking up with her, to think more clearly about our relationship and decide what is best for us in the end.
It has been 6 months since then and we kept seeing each other albeit less frequently and without the romantic, cutesy stuff. During this time, I realize how great of a couple we were and what can we both do as a couple to be better. I really, really love her and I miss her a lot. I want to get back with her.
I talk to her about my feelings and she says that she still loves me, but needs more time to think. I mean, if we end up back together, it will be serious and looking forwards to marriage or at least cohabiting. I agree that it is an important decision, so we decide to "detox" from each other and minimize out interactions. This has proven harder than I thought. It has made me really anxious to not be able to send her my random thoughts during the day and to not receive cute cat pics she usually sends. I miss her even more. I know that I should use this time that I am "single" to know myself and even try dating other girls, but I cannot. (Risking sounding clingy and obsessive) I really love her and I do not want to date other girls right now.
We agreed to have a serious talk after finals to look really in depth to what was causing problems in our relationship and what can we do to fix those, without any distraction and being honest and forthcoming. What can I do to make her decision easier? After a bit of "detox", I feel at times that I am ok without her, but still want her back. I want to demonstrate that I can be independent and still have a life without her, but I do not want to make her think that I am better off without her. | My GF and I have been on a break for a while, and I want her back. She still needs more time to think. Any suggestions or opinions? |
t3_2gf6tf | relationship_advice | [16M] Not sure what I can do with [16F] | Ok, so there's this girl I like. Just recently I asked her out to the movies, and she seemed pretty excited about it. I asked her to check the showtime, and right after that she said she couldn't go cause her parents were unsure about it. My question is what could I try and do with her that her parents would allow? I've tried setting something to do at her house so her parents could meet me, but she's been saying no cause her siblings are super annoying when people come over. Idk if this means she doesn't like me or if she thinks her parents will hate me or anything else. I'm just not sure what I could possibly do with her, any ideas? | I asked a girl to the movies, her parents said no. Any ideas on what I could do that her parents would be ok with? |
t3_3ifaa4 | relationships | Me [27/F] with my bf [31 M]of 2.5 uears not sure how to handle this without being selfish. | Hi reddit. So Sam and I have been together for over years. We were friends before that.
We had this habbit of people watching. Kind of like red car blue car kids play? Except in our case we would spot attractive people we saw by sayimg dang every time we spotted one and keep counts some times for giggles ( we afe both some what bi so we both played both genders, it's silly and stupid, I know) it never really bothered me. We both did it sometimes even keep count and argue over of a person someone pointed out was good enough to count. Goofing around.
Now I should mention I am over weight (not obese but fat. I'm a dress size 12 and about 15-20 pounds over my standard weight) I'm healthy though. In recent years the culture of fat/ skinny shaming must have gotten to me I'm suddenly feeling insecure. Before I ran and swim for fun now it's a chore to dropore weight. Sam is an average guy ( very handsome I'm my eyes but I guess on a general scake he is average like I am) he compliments me, stares when I undress and is generally great in making me feel good about myself ( I do same for him)
now here is my problem. I'm not enjoying our game as much anymore. When he points out a skinny girl I feel sad and I can't help but to feel embarrassed. I know it's silly because he loves and adores me but it makes me feel not good enough. I don't know how to approach this since he always does a good job of making me feel good and is generally great. I dont want to jsut tell him to stop since to him this is a fun innocent game we play. To me it has become a reminder of all I am not and kinda ruins my day. I don't even know how to talk to him without making it sound like I'm accusing him of making me feel this way. What do I do? Do I tell him?and if yes how? | I'm being insecure over a game we play and feel that it's unfair to tellbf to stop. Not sure what to do about it |
t3_1w0opo | relationships | I [17 M] constantly argue with my mother [41 F] because she refuses to listen to anyone [Non-romantic] | Recently, me and my mother have been arguing quite a lot recently. I don't know if she's having stress, or hormones or whatever it is, but she's been constantly getting on the nerves of people around her, from irritating me and my father to making my sister cry and break in tears.
Most of our arguments come from education, either from my education when she doesn't think I've done well enough in Physics despite having straight A* or A standards in everything else, or my sister's despite my mother knowing that she's not the most academically able person, and yet refuses to spend time with her on studying so I have to stand up for her.
Any attempt to reason with her turns violent. Once she tried to break my sister's fingers for not doing as well at Maths as she wanted her to do. When I stood up for her, she shouted at me to go to my room - when I refused and tried to explain to her that she was begin unreasonable, she started throwing extremely dangerous things at me until I was forced to give in because I couldn't deal with her crap. As I was leaving, she asked me why I had to shout when talking to her.
My response was, ''To be heard over you.''.
Her response was, ''You're not supposed to be heard over. I make these decisions and you don't get a say in your life.''
She confiscates stuff that belong to us when she doesn't like anything we've done, whether that's academic results, or simply just being on the computer. She refuses to believe that I constantly do 1 hour's revision every day on top of my A level coursework, because according to her 'if [she] can't see it, then it's not true'.
So here's what I need from you Reddit. How the hell can I get my mother to calm down and be more reasonable? How can I make her realise, the the reason I listen to father and not her is because he's calm and understanding and a lot more reasonable? | My mother is often rather unreasonable and extremely violent whenever someone disagrees with her on a matter, how can I make her listen to me? |
t3_2b5xo0 | needadvice | Senior Highschool troubles | Hi!
I am 17yo, in September to start my third (final) year in Senior Highschool and take final exam in mid 2015 to determine which university I will attend to, if at all.
I finished junior highschool with good grades, with the average of over 5.6 (where 6 is A and 1 is F) and B's only in unimportant subjects. Despite having annoying health problems (suffering to this day) I aced the final exams and scored in top 1% in every subject. I applied to the best class available in my city, choosing other schools rather randomly. The timing of internal tests to this class was rather inconvenient (severe allergies), and I got rejected, losing 1 point from 600 pool to the next person that was accepted. I tried to reapply days after rejection. I was told I was second person to be reconsidered in case of open space. In meantime I got into supposedly second best school available. It turned out the school I now go to is a nightmare. In my class and profile (I am told that other profiles are taken care of much better) there are periods when I won't be taught a subject for months due to school's incapacity to present substitutes or just to manage lessons at all. There are many distractions if we get to learn at all, and we are tremendously behind in our main subject, basically rendering me and everyone else incapable of recalling any material past junior. In-school environment (building, peers and so on) is terrible and definitely not good for anyone, plus there is an enormous religious and school's pride pressure. I've tried to reapply year later to the class, scored in top 15 at internal tests, was rejected again. Now my grades are terrible, I am extremely stressed every day, even during holidays, and there is a huge pression from my family to perform at top level again. I am sure that with my current knowledge I am not to perform well at finals. I think that with my grades low now, I've lost my carte blanche when it comes to picking another school I might want to be in. I am lost and mad at myself for screwing my choices and later not finding enough strength to fix them soon enough, rendering me in this poor spot. | finished junior highscool with top scores, got rejected, stuck in school that doesn't prepare me to final exams at all, lost my motivation, have less that 10 months to prepare myself. |
t3_1pxdnz | legaladvice | I just realized that I missed my substance abuse evaluation deadline. Did I ruin my chance to have disorderly conduct charges dismissed? | Hi /r/legaladvice,
I was arrested for Disorderly Conduct in April 2013. I went to court and they were willing to let me sign a deferred disposition agreement. I agreed to complete 50 hours of community service, and to provide proof of a substance abuse evaluation by at least 1 week prior to my deferred disposition hearing on June 26, 2014.
However, I came across my copy of this agreement today while cleaning, and I noticed that I had completely overlooked the requirement to complete the substance abuse evaluation within sixty days of my first court date. That was in June.
I am an idiot and should have realized that the evaluation would probably have some sort of deadline like that, but I genuinely believed it just needed to be completed within 1 week of my deferred disposition hearing.
I am wondering if anybody might have an idea of whether or not I can complete the evaluation anyway, provide proof of the evaluation and community service 1 week prior to my hearing, and hope for the best. I would be more than happy to do this, but I just don't want to waste my time if it's a lost cause. I really don't want the disorderly conduct to be on my record (which is why I asked for something like this) so I am hoping that something can be worked out. Should I go to the courthouse and explain my situation?
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. | I missed my substance abuse evaluation deadline because I didn't realize there was a sixty day limit after my first court date - can I complete the evaluation anyway and not ruin my deferred disposition agreement? |
t3_481vzj | relationships | We [26 M/F] have been dating 6 months and are not in love (yet?). Please help! | We've been dating for around 6 months. This is the easiest and best relationship either of us has been in and we tick a lot of each other's boxes for intellect and attraction and humor and communication.
The problem is that even though we have something so good, we don't feel passionately in love (yet?). We both care for each other, enjoy each other's company, and want to see and talk to each other often. We will definitely remain friends if the relationship were to end. But the feeling of being in love is missing and we aren't sure if it's better to try and build that (how do you build strong feelings?) or look for partners who we feel more strongly about.
And so, r/relationships, we are bringing this problem to you. Have any of you been in a relationship where the strong feelings grew later on? What did you do to ignite love? Or are we fighting a losing battle? It's so hard to give up on something good without searching for ways to make it strong. | Have any of you been in a relationship where deep feelings of love grew later on? What did you do to ignite it? Or are we fighting a losing battle? |
t3_1vn7hv | relationships | (24M), Thinking about reconnecting with my ex (25F). Is it ever a good idea? Also seemingly terrible timing. | Preface: Me and my ex broke up about a year and a half ago. It was a really mutual brake up and we both ended it with heavy hearts (we spent the last day together just reminiscing, laughing and crying). It ended because we were just different folks from when we started dating and wanted different things. We kept in contact for about 6 months until she started dating someone else. He was really uncomfortable with us talking and I was somewhat having a hard time seeing her with someone else so we both stopped talking to one another for about a year now.
Recently Iv'e been thinking allot about her and have had allot of dreams about her within the past few weeks. I think this is because I took a personal communication class last semester and every paper/assignment was about us reflecting on our current or most recent relationship. It just brought allot of things into light that I never really considered while we were together and it ultimately just made me miss her (and the dog we both had together <That was honestly the hardest part about us not talking>).
I re opened up my facebook account to find her and see how she was and low and behold according to her Facebook she just broke up with that guy a week ago. Now I feel extremely awkward trying to get into contact at this time, I don't want it to seem like i'm a vulture swinging in after waiting and observing in order to pick up the pieces. That seems extremely pathetic and really it seems like I wouldn't be able to prove to her otherwise.
So my question to you is should I say "screw it" and just go for it and get back in contact with her? or should I lay off for a while more and let bygones be bygones. I'm not sure what my first end game was with trying to get back into contact with her in the first place. I do miss her friendship but I also miss the connection that we had and after that class I feel like i'm in the same head space that she was in when we broke up. So i'm not sure... Any advice/ input will be appreciated. Thanks reddit! | is reconnecting with an ex ever a good idea? Is my timing terrible? (On my way to talk to her I found out she had just got out of a relationship) |
t3_2wuzmn | relationships | My sister (20F) changed her mind about me living with her (22F) | So, backstory. My boyfriend and I are from City A. We went long distance for college and two years ago, my boyfriend and I ended the LD by moving in together in City B. As we were looking into apartments my sister asked if we would get a 2BR and let her live with us because she wanted to leave City A. We agreed. About six months later my boyfriend moved back to City A for financial and education reasons and my sister and I continued living together.
Our renewed lease ends in June. I am graduating in December and moving back to City A. My sister wants to move in with her boyfriend. I asked if they could do what I did for her - rent a 2 bedroom and let me stay with them. She turned me down. After discussing options with my sister, we agreed to move apart. I would live in student housing for the last semester (about 3x as expensive as splitting an apartment with then) and she would move in with her boyfriend. She agreed I could live with them in the gap in between our lease ending and my new one starting which is 1.5 months.
I am visiting City A this weekend and yesterday she texted me to let me know she no longer will let me live with them in the gap. Not really sure what I will do now. I'm not working atm and I don't have classes this summer so I am considering living with my boyfriend (in his parents house) the entire summer. That way I could get a job in City A for the whole summer instead of going back and forth.
If I do this, I don't want to pay rent for the 2 months I will be staying with my boyfriend. I'm sure legally I am obligated but she has effectively blocked me from being able to live there. Emotionally I don't want to pay, that is. Is there any way I could approach this with her? What could she do if I just didn't pay? I am pretty done with her at this point so I don't care about the emotional fallout.
Am I unreasonable for being mad? | My sister is making my life difficult, do I have an option for a petty move or should I just let it go? |
t3_2oowul | needadvice | What's the cheapest method of transferring money to an individual overseas from a personal checking account to a checking account with a foreign bank? | *Forgive me if this seems an odd place for this query; my post was booted from /askreddit and I was referred here instead.
I'm trying to transfer some money to my girlfriend in Russia, and I'm hitting a few walls here.
I spoke with someone at my bank (Bank of America), and he said that in order to transfer money from my checking account to another personal checking account with a foreign bank, I'd be charged $45 if I want to send dollars, or $35 if I want to send local currency (rubles, in this case, obviously).
I looked at PayPal, and while Russia is listed on the countries that use PayPal, I couldn't find Russia in the drop-down menu when choosing a country for an international transfer. As I understand it, there will still be steep fees involved.
Is there any way to do this without such steep fees? I'm really not transferring enough money that $45 would justify the transfer.
If she creates a PayPal account tied to her gmail address, and I transfer to that, it seems to me that it should go through hassle-free like any other transfers I've done between friends in the US via PayPal, but would the fees emerge because she has to link her PayPal account to her bank in Russia?
Sorry if I'm being unclear. Any help here would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! | Any cheap (/free? :) ) method transferring funds from a US bank checking account to one attached to a Russian bank? |
t3_mrr47 | AskReddit | What do you call people who can't concentrate without music/video playing in the background? | Dear Reddit,
I have a feeling I'm not the only who is like this. Is there a name for the type of people who needs multiple audio or video stimulation to calm her/him down or just to concentrate. I mean, sometimes I end up playing two youtube videos and listening to music at the same time. That is however an extreme case. I don't think it's ADD. Maybe it's a form of ADD.
Another example is before sleeping. I have to sleep with music or with the TV on. And when reading something, I find it impossible to flip through the pages without listening to music at the same time. I watch lots of lectures on Youtube. And most of them are 1 hour long. I find it impossible to go through without simultaneously playing some hiphop instrumental or plain old classical music as a background. I'm pretty sure there is a term for this kind of condition/people. I did some googling and usually end up with some generic ADD description. I don't think however it's a very accurate description. Or Maybe I'm wrong.
It'll be great if you people can answer my question.
Cheers. | What is the medical term to describe people who find it very hard to concentrate without having some kind of music/video playing in the background. |
t3_3qwf5y | relationships | Me [28F] with my boyfriend [36M] of 3 years, am I going to regret breaking up with him? | I've decided I want to break up with my boyfriend of three years because the whole time we've been together it was with the understanding that eventually we would get married. He knows it's important to me and he's said a couple times that we would 'eventually.' Yesterday he said he is never getting married, that we could have a ceremony and a ring but no papers. I said ok great I'll text you the ring I want. He said no I won't do it until after I get the sex I want. So basically what he's saying is he still has no plans to get me a ring but he's just saying he does so he can hold it over my head to manipulate me into doing things I don't want to do. So I said never mind, I'm breaking up with you.
He told me I would regret it. Also that he has girls lined up waiting for him, and that I am delusional, and a bunch of other nonsense. Also he wants to go out of town a couple times for a week each time and leave his dogs with me, and I said that I won't be babysitting them. Is this unreasonable? Should I continue to let this guy use me? Why should I?
I feel like he wants all the benefits of being married without any of the risks and I'm tired of it. So I told him I will stop doing all the things I do for him. He acts like I'm being some psychotic bitch because I'm no longer doing him favors. | My boyfriend is an ass and I'm breaking up with him.. Basically just want confirmation that he is indeed an ass.. |
t3_27he05 | relationship_advice | Does she [22F] just want my [22M] attention or is she actually interested? | Hi everybody,
First off, I apologize for the long post and thank anyone who takes the time to read this.
I have this friend that I'm interested in. We both go to the same college and have class together. Here's the deal though - she has been out of a 4 year relationship for about 2 months now (she broke up with him). So, I'm not quite sure if she has recovered from that relationship. My guess is she hasn't since it's only been 2 months, but I could always be wrong. Since it's only been 2 months, she could just be seeking attention to fill that void. I'll list some of the noticeable actions that tell me she is interested or not.
**Signs that she might be interested:**
- She has a good friend she talks to in our class, but always sits next to me (her friend doesn't sit with us)
- During class, I would always catch her looking at me
- Whenever she can't come to class or is going to be late, she will ALWAYS text me telling me so
- She tells me her personal problems
- One time in class, she told me "Omg, my ex just texted me. I never want to talk to him again. Good riddance."
- We are about to have our final exam for the class, and she asked me if I'd like to grab dinner while we study
- We've studied 1 on 1 at public places. She's never invited her friend to study with us
**Signs that she isn't interested:**
- I've asked her to dinner during Mother's Day weekend, but she said "I can't, I'm going home this weekend to visit my mom. You should too." She didn't offer to reschedule
- Her birthday is coming up (she told me she doesn't have plans) and I tell her I want to take her to dinner. She says "I can't. I need to be productive for my other classes. We can grab dinner next weekend while we study."
- We only text if it's school related | This girl has been out of a 4 year relationship for 2 months and I'm not sure she is leading me on based on her actions. |
t3_1l5dm2 | relationships | I [19F] might be falling out of love with my boyfriend [21m], and I'm terrified. | I'm 19, he's 21, we've been together for almost a year (anniversary in a week, beautiful timing).
The first nine or so months were great, we had fallen in love and couldn't be more happier. Then I guess a few months ago I just.. stopped feeling it. I would still tell him I loved him because I knew he loved to hear it, but when I said it I felt like I was lying to him. I used to be so sure of my feelings for him because they used to be so strong, but now it's like I'm struggling to feel anything.
I've spent the last two months trying to convince myself that I still loved him, that I still felt something for him in the hope that we could survive, and then he dropped a bomb on me. Told me a part of him wanted to break up and that he doubted his feelings for a split second. And then whatever feelings I did have left just dropped off. He told me he was doubting this relationship and it made me doubt everything even more. He wavered, and the glue that kept us together broke.
And now I just don't know what to do. He took me out of my shell, he made me so much more confident and so much more happier and he even stayed with me when I went back to self harming for a short period. I don't want to lose him but at the same time I don't know if I can muster up any more feelings for him. I'm scared that I'm going to lose the one good things in my life.
I could use some advice reddit. Please. | I've fallen out of love with the one good thing in my life and I don't want to lose him. Help? |
t3_3de50s | relationships | Distaste Over A Friend's Family Outrage | I've been good friends with someone since 2000 or so. It's almost 15 years of long-distance friendship, we met online and live far apart.
Recently, she posted on her Facebook asking for support for her sister, who is raising funds due to "a neighbor that killed our dog".
My friend doesn't say in her post -- nor does her sister say in the fundraising page -- why the neighbor did what he did, or how. I poked into it a little bit with my friend and found out the neighbor went out of his way to hit the dog with his truck because, six months prior, he claims it had bit his young daughter. Since I had to pry this information out of my friend, I don't know all the details other than that, as far as whether or not medical attention was sought and/or pictures were taken or any of that proof kind of stuff.
I'm an animal lover and I disagree with what this gentleman did. There were a million ways he could have dealt with the issue other than killing the dog. I don't support or condone this behavior in any way.
That said, I'm having a hard time supporting my friend, because I feel like these details should be given before you ask for money to support a cause. Not only that, but why was the dog outside roaming free for the neighbor to hit it, at all?
They also don't mention that the money is for legal fees to sue this guy, or anything, I think they're trying to get up money to get another dog.
Given the details and how sketchy it all is, do I say something to my friend, or do I keep my mouth shut and mind my own business? | My friend's family's dog was killed and they're seeking charity because of it, leaving out how it died or the fact that it allegedly bit someone. Do I say something? |
t3_3yebji | relationships | I [22F] just found out that my bf [22M] of 2·5 years has been sending inappropriate messages to a number of different girls! I found out because I looked through his phone, which I now feel very guilty about... I need advice as to what to do next! | We have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years but for the past year or so our relationships has been a long distance one, he now lives over 400 miles away. Although the long distance thing was hard at first I felt like we were doing really well at making it work!
I love him so much and had never had an issue with trust before until about 6 months ago I found out he has cheated on me with an ex girlfriend of his, when he was back home visiting me and his family! After a while I forgave him for it and it seemed like things were back to normal.
However, I went to visit him one weekend and I stumbled across some vigra pills and condoms (which we don't use because I am on the pill). I just shrugged it off at first thinking they were from before we were together... but I began to get more and more suspicious when I found out he had blocked me on Facebook. When I confronted him about that he just said it was an accident and that he'd fix it straight away which he did! When I asked him if he'd been talking to other girls he point blanked denied it and promised that I'm the only girl!
So the other night when he was asleep I looked through his phone and found a number of inappropriate messages to lots of other different girls ranging from flirty to pretty graphic sexting. I also found quite a few naked pictures of other girls that he had saved from snapchat!
Now I don't know what to do! I haven't confronted him about this yet because it's Christmas time and I obviously didn't want to ruin anything! It's really stupid but I still love him and a big part of me wants to find a way to salvage our relationship!! When we are together we just get on so well I also feel like I am a part of his family, his parents and I also get on really well and I honestly thought that he and I could have a future together!
Sorry for rambling I just really need a little advice! | found text and messages from other girls on my bf's phone. I know he has cheated before but I still love him! I need some friendly advice/ opinions and to what to do next! |
t3_4zehy8 | relationships | I [21F] don't want to see my friends anymore as I'm going through a rough patch right now. | Hi all, I don't know if this is the most appropriate subreddit to ask this question but here it goes anyways.
At the moment, I'm going through a very tough situation that I'd rather not disclose for fear someone might find out. I don't predict it will get resolved anytime soon. Everyone who is close to me is aware of it and has been supportive of me by checking on me occasionally. I am in university right now and I still maintain my friendship with four people from high school (same age). One of them is actually my best friend but we don't see each other on a regular basis.
With only two weeks of summer left, they want to get together as per our annual tradition. But I feel depressed and don't want to get out of the house anymore. To be frank, my best friend went through a lot in her personal life and I was there to lend a listening ear but I don't feel this is reciprocated when she found out about what I'm going through at the moment. She doesn't really check on me as much as how I used to for her.
On FB, my messenger is exploding with messages that they want to go out together but I don't ever want to respond to their messages anymore. I'm very lonely right now. I have never been in a relationship before.
I know I should be seeing a counsellor but I've already seen a doctor about my coping mechanisms. | I'm going through a hardship right now. I have become reclusive and don't want to see my friends anymore. |
t3_1ihs6w | relationships | Me[31M] with my asshole [51M] father in an abusive relationship. | So, the story is the same as many asian families. Family emigrates to a new country full of hope, gets a small buisness and rams everyone into it to keep it running.
The break from the story is a very messy divorce which the kids are dragged into and a split in resources, etc.
So here I am. I've never really wanted to work in the family biz, but I'm still here 5 years after the fact. I'm coming to terms with the long term emotional abuse here leveled by my father (basic shit, setting unreasonable deadlines, general public humiliation, restriction of power within company and then asking me to "do more" within the company, etc) So basically I want to get out.
No, confronting him reasonably is not an option. I've tried that previously, it went poorly. The one physical confrontation did set him right for a bit, but I don't think that's an appropriate response to this torrid affair.
Thankfully unlike other nepotistic positions I've been paid pretty poorly over the last bit, so I'm not really sure if I have enough cash to go on any time of unemployment. Also because I've spent a lifetime having it hammered in that I'm a stupid piece of shit, my ability to write resumes is somewhat rough to say the least. I've been looking for a while but, basically to no avail. | I'm stuck in a nepotistic deadend job, I need out but I'm not sure how to proceed. Also this might be the wrong forum for this. |
t3_jjyqg | AskReddit | I want to do something for a dying girl, but I have no money and I'm only 17. Tips please? | what's up reddit.
by the way, when I say TIPS, i mean hints or ideas, not actual money.
so a few months ago, I posted about the girl I love, who has terminal cancer. She's still sick but she's hanging in there, thankfully. She has about three years left, but lately she's been having some complications, such as cysts that put her in a lot of pain. Right now she has a cyst, and it's really been a rough couple weeks for her. I really want to do something for her to help her feel better.
This girl is totally obsessed with micro-mini pigs. They're tiny pigs that don't get over 20 pounds. She wants one more than anything, and I know how happy it'd make her to get one. However, the ones she likes are all $3000-$5000. I'm 17 years old, I don't have that kind of money. And I know my parents wouldn't give it to me.
So what I'm asking is, can you guys give me some tips to make that kind of money pretty quickly? I'd like to buy her one of these pigs as a "Get well soon/early birthday" present (her birthday's in December). Please, any guidance or ideas you might have for me will mean so much. Thanks in advance :) | I wanna help a girl with cancer, but I need $3000-$5000 dollars. Any tips on how to get that kind of money in the next couple months? |
t3_1ic9di | relationships | Me[23M] in a complex situation with newly single [23F] | This is kind of an update to
and I realize it says 22 in there, she just had a birthday this weekend.
So if you dont read the other one long story short I met this girl on POF (dating site) 2 years ago, had a date that didnt go so well but I think we both liked eachother and thought the other didnt because of that.
Fast foward to now, shes freshly single and hit me up like a week after the breakup. We've been hanging out and talking a TON, but recently on her birthday she broke down crying over her breakup like 3 times while we were out 'celebrating' her birthday. Even mentioned being in love with him and wanting to marry him. At the end of the night I was the only on out with her that didnt bail on her.
Now we're still talking and she wants to hang out almost every day. Here's my problem, though, I made a discovery this morning. I have an OKCupid profile and she apparently just made one too because it went into my quiver (quiver is daily matches that havnt been in your quiver before so mostly new users).
So do I mention that I saw it? I havent actually looked at her profile since that would give her a visit from me meaning she'd know I was on there and knew she was too.
I was thinking of saying like "hey your okcupid profile was in my quiver this morning lol, why dont we just go out on a real date?" can i say something like that? I dont know what to do here because shes been giving me all this attention like she's interested, but then why would she create a dating site profile when she already had me around? AND not only that but when I was talking to her during one of her birthday "moments" she said she wanted nothing to do with relationships for a while.
Anyways the key thing to remember here is- before this, I hadn't talked to her since that first date like 2 years ago. And she only hit me up after she was single (had been in relationships most of those 2 years until now)
So what do I do? Just ask her out on a real date? | hanging out/talking with a girl I went on a date with years ago and then I found her on a dating site? |
t3_2bkfpu | legaladvice | Sunglasses switched/stolen by company [Florida] | **SOLVED** Thanks again to Sir_topem_hat.
I was hoping I could get some insight on what to do with a current situation I'm in.
I went to a prescription eyeglasses store and had them put in prescription lenses on my Costa Del Mar sunglasses. They made me aware that it would take a little while as they have to send them off to another company to add the lenses. That was fine with me.
Today I went to get them and immediately noticed the frames were different. The sides were stretched out like someone with a big fat head was wearing them for years. These aren't mine. Someone swapped mine out. They look the same to someone who doesn't pay attention, but I am 100% positive mine have been swapped out for an older crappier version of Costas.
The worker at the prescription eyeglasses store told me I could keep them and pick any pair of sunglasses in the store for free. That's a nice gesture but I just want my old sunglasses back. I feel like they aren't the company responsible for the theft.
I just want *my* sunglasses back. Any idea what I should do?
Thanks. | got prescription lenses in my expensive sunglasses and when I got them back the frames were older, scratched, stretched out and definitely not mine. |
t3_20xiku | relationships | I (M/23) want my ex (F/23) back. Not sure how she feels about that. | We're both 23. Were together for 3 years until around the holidays we broke up due to arguing and fighting. Thing is, all of our arguing stemmed from outside forces - my family is messed up and caused a lot of strain on our relationship. Nothing that she or I did had nothing to do with the break up - and we're still friends. But I think she got over me. She still got jealous when she found out I was seeing another girl briefly. And I think it helped her get over me even faster because she made herself angry about it. Now we're talking and it's driving me nuts because I can feel myself being... *friendzoned.* Should I continue to talk to her, or confess how I feel and be ready to cut ties completely if she doesn't feel the same way? I love her too much to just be friends and I'm willing to just separate completely and move on if she doesn't want to work it out. | ex and I are on good terms, I have feelings and I'm not sure if she would ever consider getting back together. |
t3_51y250 | relationships | My girlfriend [27F] has a roommate [27F] who is not allowing a friend to come feed her cat while she is away for a week | My girlfriend got a cat with permission from her roommate. Now the girlfriend is going away for a conference and a few weekend trips over the next few months and the roommate does not want to take care of the cat, which is fine. But the roommate also will not allow one of the girlfriend's friends to come over and feed the cat because the roommate is uncomfortable with having someone she doesn't know in the house.
The girlfriend is extremely offended that the roommate thinks she has untrustworthy friends and the roommate will not make a compromise by feeding the cat herself. Personally I think it's selfish of the roommate because she's shooting down all ideas and not providing any viable options.
Other alternatives don't work either:
No other friends have cat-friendly apartments to take it in, and putting the cat in a kennel costs extra money she doesn't have available to spend. The idea of a hired cat-sitter company to come over was also shot down.
The roommate cites renters insurance not covering a friend doing something to the apartment. The roommate is fine with maintenance coming into the apartment and she doesn't even know those people!
Is it so out of line to ask a friend to come into the house to take care of the cat if the roommate doesn't want to do it? Are there other options? Can we get the roommate to change her mind? Thanks in advance. | Roommate won't feed cat or allow someone else to come over and care for it while away for a week. How do we get her to change her mind? |
t3_3a8o91 | relationships | Should I text her again? | Well, this seems like a silly question, but I (20) was really friendly with a girl (20) in college last year, we haven't talked in around a year, but I still had her cell number. So one day, something made me think of her and I decided to text her see how she was doing, if she was still studying and all that.
So, I finally asked her if she wanted to get together and hang out to catch up sometime and she said yes. So a few days passed and I asked her if she wanted to do something on a certain day this week. I texted her around 3pm and I didn't get an answer yet, but I found out there was a band coming to town, so I texted her like "Hey, idk if you saw my text but..." and I invited her to go see the show with me. Now it's been like 2-3 days and she hasn't answered yet... should I text her again to see if she saw my messages?
Should I message her on Facebook?? I only knew this girl like 2-3 months in college, we studied together and stuff, but I still don't know her extremely want and down want to come on as pushy... The event is coming up and I don't know what to do! | Asked a girl to hang out some day, later asked her to see a band and the show is coming up, still no answer if she wants the show, what do I do? I Want to avoid coming on too strong... |
t3_1nrsgf | relationships | Me [29 M] married 6.5 years [29 F] to grad student and I am real lonely. | We have been married (no kids) for 6.5 years and have been together for about 8. Wife is a 4th year PHD student and I have a decent job. I try to be supportive of her school but I am starting to resent it I think. She initially got into the masters program and just extended to PHD in the spring.
I'm just really lonely. During the week she works on school and on the weekends she relaxes and watches TV all day long. When I suggest we go out and do things she says she doesn't feel like it.
When I got engaged I worked with some pretty negative people who always complained about their SO's. I promised myself I wouldn't talk poorly about her at work or anywhere else. I'm friends with a few guys I work with buy rarely hang out away from work.
I feel like I need to talk to someone about how I feel but worry about spoiling how my parents or co-workers see her if I talk to them honestly. I don't feel like I have anyone to share my deep feelings with. I don't even know if it would help but I have some poison in my head that I feel I need to get out. Maybe I'm being unreasonable and just need to be told that.
Who do I talk to? Do I risk souring how my parents see my wife by sharing my frustrations with them? Is it even any of their business? As much as I appreciate online anonymity I want to chat face to face. I don't know what to do. I'm worried that nothing will change when she finishes school and I will still be lonely and unhappy. | Wife is in grad school and is always busy with homework. I have more free time and am very lonely. Who should I share my frustrations with? |
t3_17ewzf | AskReddit | Why are people unable to determine their "best self"? | On Twitter, this girl changed her profile picture to an absolutely awful headshot. She looks much better in person and has many pictures that show her in a better light, but chose one that does her no favors.
I once set a profile picture on Facebook where I was at a party smiling with a few friends. I thought it looked fine, until I started getting comments about my "fucked-up face."
My question is, why are people unable to tell when they look bad? Do you need distance to achieve objective perspective? There has to be some kind of cognitive bias where they focus on some aspect of a photo (to showcase a strength or mask a flaw) and are blind to other aspects of the photo that make them look worse.
It applies in the professional sphere as well. I'm a writer, and I have trouble deciding what clips to attach to my resume when applying for positions. If I turned over my clips to a panel tasked to select my best work, they would probably be able to reach a consensus, or at the very least a statistical preference towards certain pieces. How come I can't objectively evaluate my own work?
It's common have other people look over your resume and strengthen its appeal to employers. People flock to /r/amiugly, /r/Rateme, and /r/AmISexy because they are unsure about their own appearance. Could it have something to do with heightened intimacy and exposure creating a personal bias in self-evaluation? Is this why parents generally don't think their kids are ugly?
I'm not interested in how people see themselves when compared to others, but rather how our intrapersonal evaluation is so flawed. Why can't we choose our best photo, our best work, put our proverbial best foot forward? And if you know why we cannot, how can I override my bias and correct skewed self-perception? | People bring a ton of baggage to self-evaluation; why is this, and how can we distance ourselves to achieve the objectivity of an outsider? |
t3_272xfb | tifu | TIFU By causing a car accident. | So, earlier today I was driving with my siblings around town. My older brother called me and told me he needed a quick ride to Best Buy. I agreed and I picked him up at our house and we left for the store. After an hour of looking around while he gets his stuff done, we finally leave.
While driving back home he asked me for another favor which was to drop him off at his girlfriend's house. She doesn't live too far so I once again agreed. On the way there I needed to make a right turn so I turned on my signal to let the driver behind me know. Before I made the turn, there were these pedestrians walking at an incredibly slow pace. The kind of walk that tells you they just don't give a shit about what happens. I didn't want to drive past them because I was afraid I was going to run them over. So I drove into the street just enough to let the other cars pass, but then suddenly I hear a loud pop. I look back and I see that the car behind me has it's trunk totally busted. I stop to see if everything is okay and the passenger of the other car tells me to just go. I was confused and shocked so I just did what she told me to. The whole drive home I was shaking and I felt sick. I still do feel sick. I'm confused on the idea of whether it was my fault or not. I hope they're okay. | Gave my bro a drive to GF's house. Slow walking pedestrians didn't give me enough space to move into street causing two cars behind me to crash into each other. Insert massive guilt trip. |
t3_ixnbq | personalfinance | Need to fix up my elderly father's house to sell. How do I get a loan for this? | Hi guys,
My 78 year old father recently had some medical issues (he's going to be fine), and is recovering at a senior citizen's home until he's well enough to be on his own again. However, his house is a complete mess. It needs a new roof, a new furnace, new carpet throughout, etc. etc. And to make things worse, he's also a hoarder; he has stacks of papers and books everywhere.
He's been receptive to the idea of doing a massive cleanup and repair job to get the house in condition to sell, and using the proceeds from that to move to something smaller, cheaper, and more manageable, as well as to free up cash to pay off $5,000 in credit card debt he's accumulated.
This is where I come in. The fix-up job will be around $30,000, and I'll probably have to be the one who provides it (I'm thinking part cash, part loan), as my father has terrible credit and can't secure a loan on his own. I have excellent credit and should have no problem getting a loan of this amount. My question is, I could come up with $15,000 that's not currently invested, but should I bother with that or just get the entire sum in a loan? I imagine the loan's lifetime would be for the repair job and the time it takes to sell the house. So, perhaps 3-9 months if the house is priced to sell. And, would I have to be on the title of the house to get the loan in the first place? | Need 30k loan to fix up and sell my dad's mess of a house so he can get into something smaller and cheaper, while freeing up cash to pay off his debt. How do I do this? |
t3_2wdn4p | relationship_advice | [21/F] I don't know if I should give my ex [20/M] another chance, to make things worse we're stuck living together until June. | So about a month ago I broke up with my bf of roughly 2.5 years. We live in on campus housing together (separate rooms thank god) so I'm still forced to see him every day. I broke up with him because he was ignoring me and never really made me feel special but when I brought it up to him he would just get defensive and say he was doing nothing wrong. Since we broke up he's been trying very hard to get me back and has been pouring his heart out to me on a regular basis. I can tell he's depressed and can hear him crying most nights. Seeing him hurt makes me want to give him a second chance but at the same time I just don't feel a deep, "I would do anything for you" love for him. I don't think I've ever really loved anyone though, not even friends or family. I don't know if I'm capable of love. I was generally happy with him and enjoyed his company but I know if I take him back I will be giving up my chance at deep passionate love I see other people have. Is that type of love even real or is that just the media and other people exaggerating their own experiences? To complicate things even further I have gone out with one of my brother's friends [21/M] a couple of times since the breakup and things are going well there and I don't want to hurt this guy either. | I don't know if I should take my ex back because I don't know if true love exists or if I am capable of it and I've also been seeing my brother's friend. |
t3_1mmntg | Advice | Sisters friend has overstayed her welcome. | So, K came into our home so she could stay in my sisters giant room and go to college together. They used to fight a lot, so she moved into the guest room, right next to mine. She's an OCD-ish cleaner. We have conflicting personalities, not just because I'm a bit messy in our shared bathroom.
I feel like she's too invasive and doesn't gave me a chance to explain why for anything. One day, she got mad at me because my boyfriend talked to her about an issue, even though, I did NOT send him, he went on his own and told her that multiple times. She bitched at me infront of him and shot me down when I tried to talk to her. She did not do this in a private setting, just in the kitchen where anyone could come through.
I tried cooling down, since she also had her best friend over and I could not go to her room and ask her about it. I ended up, screaming terrible things to my boyfriend about her while I was enraged. She heard it. I talked to her the next day because, after her friend left, she refused to talk to me. I apologized, admitting I was wrong to say those things, and that I did not mean them, I was just very upset. She did not admit she was wrong at all, but confirmed I was wrong and gave me excuses for everything.
She has not acknowledge me since then; doesn't look at me ever or respond when I say anything towards her. I was doing some late laundry since I need it done by tomorrow. I'm right next to the laundry room, so I thought it didn't bother her since she usually sleeps with headphones in, anyway. She came and turned it off and told me to find time in the morning since she is trying to sleep. | K has been passive aggressive and I need either her to confront me about whatever it is she has an issue with about me or get her to return to her not-so-good household or find another friend to live off of. |
t3_2ydkm9 | relationships | My Dad [55 M/F] with my mom [53 M/F] married for 20+ years, dad still gets jealous | Hello r/relationships. As a full time college student and working part time i barely spend time at home, but for the past few months things between my parents have gotten tense. My dad has been a great father and mentor to me and no doubt i wouldn't be where i am without his help as well as my mom. But last week my parents were arguing and going at it real hard. You see my dad for the last few months has been thinking my mom has been cheating or at the very least flirting, which i strongly think is not true and yesterday as their were arguing my mom ,in the heat of the argument, in front of the whole family, said my father use to beat my mother. I was shoked, although i never saw my father put hands on my mother to learn this broke my heart. I don't know how to go about this situation, its tearing my parents relationship apart. I think my dad is paranoid, i need help on how to go about this. I know its not my responsibility but i want for all the argument at home to stop. | Parents been arguing for a few months, father suspects my mom is messing around somewhere else which i believe is not true, moms tells her kids dad use to beat her, i just want this argueing to stop. |
t3_1lj2m0 | relationships | Me[21M] can't stop thinking about my girlfriends[20F] sexual history | I have been with my girlfriend for four months and it's been the best relationship ever. She is beautiful and amazing in every way and we both can see ourselves spending the rest of our lives with each other. The one problem is that I cannot stop thinking about the number of people she has slept with(that number being 8) and I think about it pretty much all day everyday - Within a few minutes of waking up until I go to sleep again.
I know this is my issue and not hers but I just don't know how to deal with it. The reason its such a issue to me is probably because I had only slept with one other person before I met her. She knows that I have this problem because sometimes it gets to me that much that I get upset about it - It's like a negative thought loop that just won't stop in my head. It only started happening about a month ago and I don't know why.
There is no chance of me breaking up with her but having these thoughts so frequently all the time is getting to me and I don't know how to deal with them. | Can't stop thinking about the number of people that my girlfriend has slept with and I don't know how to deal with it. |
t3_12s9dt | Pets | Cat is pulling a hissy fit. What can we do? | Last year, my boyfriends family got two cats- A bengal and a burmese. Both were indoor/outdoor cats like all the cats his family had before. Unfortunately around 9 months of age, the burmese was hit by a car and killed.
The bengal, Lynx, is now a year or two old. I've just moved in with my boyfriend and his family, around June. Maybe two months ago, I was walking home from work and see Lynx almost get hit by a car. At this point, my boyfriends family decided to build a cat run and keep the cats inside.
Unfortunately, this does not please Lynx. Before this happened, he would get pretty annoying when he wanted to go out- he meowed pretty incessantly. However, since he's been relegated to indoors only, he walks around **screaming.** This is no normal meow. He screeches all night, and all day. He will look you dead in the eye and scream. He will hide under the bed and scream. He will go outside in the cat run and scream some more. This cat is pulling a full on tantrum like a toddler.
We have tried saying "no," just out of desperation. We have tried squirting him with a water bottle. He just gets louder. We have tried locking him in a room overnight. You can hear him through the walls and windows. He just gets more indignant.
Is there any way to stop this? This cat in fantastic when he wants to be, but for the last two months he has been driving us bonkers. We are at our wits end and my boyfriend is about to lose his mind.
[Here is a video] of him staring at me screeching, for those curious. This one isn't too loud, it gets worse at night. He specifically likes to sit right in front of my/my boyfriends door. Hooray! | Cat is angry we are keeping him inside, screaming/meowing for hours on end, loudly. Nothing we can do to stop it. Help? |
t3_ug2h9 | AskReddit | Moving from across state, what is best and cheapest way | Hi
So i and GF got a jobs in Oregon, 20min out of Portland, currently me and the GF life in Minnesota. We were wondering if Reddit has any brilliant suggestions on how to most cost effectively across country. This is how we stand right now.
1 Toyota Camry car - no hitch
1 VW Beatle - no hitch
$2000 budget..
I don't have much stuff, so i could most likely fit all my stuff in a 4 x 8 Uhaul trainer. The GF has a whole 1 bedroom worth of stuff that she really wants to bring with her (1x three seat, 2 x 2 seat, a bed with base, and obviously a tone of girls stuff + kitchen stuff), because well, that is her stuff that she has worked to earn to buy an so forth (emotional attachment) (may I add, that we are moving across country to live together for first time also, after 8 month relationship, so stress is bound to be a problem)
At the moment UHaul has quoted us, with one of their mid size truck, tow one of the car (the VW best choice), We could likely fit everything in there and do it in one move.. = $1900 not including gas
That is worst case scenario having to drive that across country will suck dick!, I think
So any brilliant ideas on how to make this happen? | Me and GF moving across country from Minnesota to Oregon. Need brilliant ideas on how to move with 2 cars (with no hitches), and a $2000 budget preferably. |
t3_1qblck | loseit | Looking for some support! Newcomer 24/F/5'1 | I've had a few wake up calls this week and know I need to focus on a healthier lifestyle. I'm F/5'1/153 and in the past I've had good success with Weight Watchers. At my lowest I was in the 130s and that is where I want to be again ASAP, and I think going back on WW will help me with that. However, when I've tried to get back on the program, I find myself feeling really deprived and get off track quickly. I never felt deprived when I was on the plan last year and had so much success. This is so frustrating!
I'm also lacking support at home. My fiance can eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and his diet is mostly made up of fast food. If we eat together, it has to be something like that, which makes it hard for me to stick to a plan. Any advice for dealing with our time together without sabotaging myself?
I'm looking for someone who has similar goals and who would be willing to kind of stay in touch to keep on track and celebrate the small victories, which seems to be what this community is all about. | Needing to get back on track in a household full of fast food and no support. Need friends to help me stay focused! |
t3_fwwbo | AskReddit | I feel like I was just scammed out of $200. I switched out of T-mobile 3 months before my contract ended. | I could have sworn I bought my phone in November of 08, in my mind it is crystal clear: It was cold, late, and it was to be an early birthday gift for myself.
I was in the mall recently and Verizon had Droids 2 for 1, The wife gets a discount and TMobile's service was horrible, so I bought us new phones assuming I was 2 months out of contract. I asked the verizon guy, so I can just switch? I don't know have to talk to tmobile first? He says no, all he has to do is query if the number is "available."
Maybe I'm wrong for assuming, but a phone number being available for transfer doesn't exactly scream "you're still in contract, don't do this".
The number came back available and we went along our way.
I look in my bank account today and TMobile took close to $200 from my account. It's never a good time to be hit with a surprise 200 dollar bill. Especially when you're already paying it's replacement bill.
Sure, ultimately, this is "my own damn fault" but is there really nothing I can do? | Its my own fault for not checking first, but 200 seems like a steep punishment. Is there anything I can do? |
t3_3811eo | relationships | Me [30 M] with my [30F] 1 1/2 year relationship, mom comes and stays for an extended period of time | So my girlfriend (asain) and I (Italian American) have been living together for about a year now but before moving in we were together about 6 months. When we decided to move in together my s/o mother came to supposedly help us find a place to live. Now a year later our lease is up and we are looking to move again. Also my s/o mother is back for a 3 month stay same as last time. It is extremely annoying to me, but because I am unemployed and not paying rent I am dealing with it. Had I been paying part of the rent do I have the room to say look 3 months is just way to long. I feel like the third wheel in my own relationship and I hate it. I get along with the mom just fine but its like a third person i am now involved with.
My question is when I am back working and paying my way which will be soon. How do I say look this isn't ok we are in our thirty's mom can't come for 3 months this is just ridiculous. There maybe a few parts I left out that maybe important so if im missing any important information just ask. | Mother of s/o visits from hong kong for 3 months want this to be the last time for an extended stay |
t3_39eba2 | relationships | I'm [32] Muslim, she's [32] Christian. We were madly in love. Both our families ferociously opposed the idea of marriage. 10 years later I bump into her and I can't stop thinking of her ever since. I'm going mad. Anyone who's been there, what should I do? | We respected each other's beliefs and we were not fanatics. We understood each other well and knew each other all through high school and college. We're from the same ethnic group, have almost exact customs and traditions so chances of culture shock or differences were almost nonexistent. We speak the same mother tongue and both grew in North America.
Both our parents opposed any type of union. It put a huge toll on both of us. We fought hard but our family's will was unbreakable. We ended up going our separate ways in an abrupt way and with lots of bitterness towards our families. I left to work abroad and never contacted each other afterwards. Ten years later I'm visiting my parents as I normally do every June and I bump into her at a local shop nearby.
It took me a long time but I forgot about her...totally. I got married and have kids now. She did too as I have just found out. I love my wife and I wouldn't imagine living without her. But I feel this avalanche of emotions right now and I can't explain it or know how to deal with it. She was equally shaken when she saw me and I felt that she was angry at me yet happy to see me. God knows what's going through her mind now.
I feel like someone who has a huge and back breaking unsettled debt. But what could I do at this point? | Muslim guy in love with Christian girl. Families oppose marriage. Lose sight of each other. 10 years later bumps into her and overwhelmed with emotions. |
t3_2hndw4 | relationships | [24M] My girlfriend [25F] recently met a man [?M] who keeps trying to flirt with her. She doesn't see this as a problem. | I met my girlfriend about 4 months ago and we've been a couple for a little bit over a month now. During this period we've been very happy with eachother and only recently have we hit our first bump.
She is a flight attendant and she recently met a coworker in one of her flights. They went out together for lunch during the day she was spending in another country, however, they ended up spending over 10 hours together. They exchanged numbers and he is now constantly flirting with her, sending her slightly inappropiate texts. They also took several photos in which they were hugging. She has already made it clear to him that she has a boyfriend and that she is not interested in pursuing a relationship with him, however, she isn't cutting contact with him despite the fact he continues flirting with her daily. When she came back she told me how enjoyable their time together was and that she would like to spend more time with him in the future. He even asked her if she could give him her new work schedule so that he could adjust his own flights so they could travel together from now on. She told me all this as if it was completely normal, even showing me the texts they exchanged and the pictures they took together.
She doesn't consider her coworker's attitude as an issue at all, she claims he has no intentions whatsoever to escalate their friendship but after seeing those texts and photos I just cannot comprehend how she arrived at this conclusion. I trust her but it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable to know that this coworker is constantly attempting to escalate things with her. I have already talked to her about my feelings and thoughts on this situation and I've even given her some examples in which our roles were reversed and she said she wouldn't enjoy it either. Despite this she still refuses to see this as a problem and won't set boundaries they also keep texting. | girlfriend met a coworker on a trip, they started texting and he is constantly attempting to flirt with her despite knowing she has a boyfriend already. Talked with her about it but the situation hasn't changed yet |
t3_2nqivl | relationships | I (19M) want to ask a girl (19F) out, but I'm not sure how to go about it | Obviously more information is needed.
I've fallen pretty hard for this girl who goes to Uni with me. I've known her for a couple years now, and we've always been decent friends, but over the past few weeks we've gotten to be pretty close friends and we talk quite a lot. Here's the hitch: a few weeks ago I wanted to see if a group of people were into seeing interstellar (*fantastic* movie by the way) and she made a comment about not really wanting to see the movie unless it was in a group. Since then we've gotten closer but I'm not sure if I should or how I should ask her out without making awkward what we've sort of built up recently. Since she didn't really reject me I'm not sure where we stand. | Girl hinted about not really wanting to date a few weeks ago, but since then we've gotten closer and I really want to ask her out. |
t3_10lgvo | relationships | Is there something wrong with me[M21]? | Throwaway.
I've been dating this girl (we're both in our senior years of college) since the summer. We originally dated my sophomore year and then I transferred to another university halfway across the country, and we split up around Thanksgiving (I broke up with her because we were really bad at LDRs). We decided to give it another try at the beginning of the summer but we really didn't get to see too much of each other..
Now she's studying abroad in Milan. We're both insanely busy, and when you add on the 6 hour time difference it's insanely tough to skype. We've managed around twice a week, for 30 minutes each but never in a private place.
I've done a lot of self-reflection recently as I try and grow as a person, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm really not a fan of LDRs. I like this girl though so I decided to give it a shot as she went to Milan.
Here's my problem: I'm slowly losing any positive feelings for this relationship. I don't know if it's the distance, lack of sleep on my end, or whatever, but I can't say that I am too thrilled to be in the relationship right now. My girlfriend is the sweetest thing ever and she is the ideal kind of girl I want to be with. I feel like I should be as committed to this relationship, if not more than this girl. But I'm slowly failing on this front and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be feeling. | Slowly losing positive feelings for my girlfriend. She's awesome though and I feel like I should be as into her as she is me. What do I need to do to fix myself? |
t3_559cbj | relationships | I [24F] like this guy [28M] and after hanging out for a few weeks, finally told him. He told me he was poly, and I'm trying to figure out what that means to me. | I have been hanging out with a friend that I've developed feelings for in the past few weeks and finally got the courage to tell him last night. He told me he liked me back, but that he wasn't sure what he was looking for, only that an exclusive monogamous relationship would be the last thing he would ever want. He's poly.
This is fine, as I am open about sexuality and preference and I have friends who also are poly. I've never explored the option of poly relationships - partly because I just haven't found anyone I'd like to be in a relationship with and because I haven't given much thought about whether I would be secure enough emotionally to be poly. (I hope I'm phrasing this right.)
I guess what I'm looking for are redditors that are poly or have been in poly relationships to explain how this would work (if we were to continue this) for someone who's never been in a poly relationship? I've looked at r/polyamory, and am trying to teach myself and learn more, but I wanted to post in this sub for those of you who might not identify poly but have been in a poly relationship?
How did you go about doing that? And by 'that' I mean exploring that option for yourself. I like this guy enough where I would be open to seeing where this goes, but I'm not sure where we stand or where *I* stand.
Any advice? Any experiences you'd like to share? Just trying to grasp this and grow. | Guy I like told me he's poly and I'm not sure how it "works", what to expect, or what that means to me because I still really like him. |
t3_35c0zh | self | Do you think I am too soft? | I came back home from college today and was with my mom and brother. We stopped at one of these side of the road flower stands, and I stayed in the car that my mom left unlocked (its a more rural area, like it was a house and a farm and fields).
So I was just sitting there, when all the sudden this lady comes up and starts to open the passenger door (I'm in the back and the windows are tinted). She then just quickly grabbed a bunch of cash from the front and left didn't see me. I opened the door and just said "hey hey!" loudly, she handed it back to me quickly said "I'm sorry" got in her car, and sped away. I told my mom and brother when they came back, and they were furious went and warned the flower shop etc.
Though, I just kind of felt sorry for the lady. She looked like she was on some sort of drug, and I just kind of think more of what her struggle is rather than getting justice. What is going on in her life that she's breaking in to cars stealing money. I mean, she did give it back and said sorry, but breaking into a car and stealing is wrong.
My mom and brother acted like I was too soft, saying "fuck her! whats wrong with people!" but idk, wanted to see what Reddit thought of this. | Lady tried to rob money from our car, she gave it back and said sorry, and I felt sorry for her. |
t3_1ek5a4 | relationships | I (19M) have been very interested in starting a relationship with a longtime friend (19F) when I move up to her area for college, but she's blowing hot and cold with me. What can I do to get a definitive response out of her? | Okay, so I've known this girl for over three years. We've been extremely good friends the entire duration of that and I'd even say she is one of my best friends. I've been planning to go to a college that is about an hour away from where she lives (keep in mind I'm not going there for the sake of her, this is just my dream school). We've met a few times as I have friends I visit in her area and we hit it off just as well in real life as we do over chat and Skype. With that in mind I've been very serious about starting something with her when I move up there, mainly because we just get along so well and we're both extremely supportive of one another. I also believe the best relationships come from dating people you're already friends with. Originally, she was very open to the idea and told me several times she'd love to date me and that "any girl would be so lucky to have me."
Recently though, it's been different. The first thing I've noticed is that I always have to start the conversations now. It may not seem like much, but it used to be she'd start all the time, but now if I don't start the chat, we don't talk. The conversation is still good, aside from the fact that she now completely avoids any advance from me. I'll say things about looking forward to moving up there and being with her and she often won't respond for a long time before completely changing the subject.
What can I do to really know whether she wants this or not? I've been considering just laying everything out and asking her if she really wants to be with me, but I'm scared of that because I do value our friendship a lot and don't want things to become awkward. I just need to know whether I need to start setting aside funds for weekly/bi-weekly bus rides to her town to visit her throughout the semester. I *really* like this girl, a lot more than I've ever liked any other girl prior to an actual relationship and really want to know. | Girl said she'd be interested with being me and is now avoiding any advance I make. Need to know what I should do to definitively know whether this is something she wants or not. |
t3_2uzupx | relationships | Me [22/F] with my Boyfriend [26 M] of 9 months, Boyfriend loves to discuss and explain things, ends up explaining obvious things and then claims he thinks I'm smarter then him. | So basically my boyfriend is incredibly smart, very high energy two qualities that made me fall in love with him. But at the same time I find him wanting to discuss things that I already know or understand. He seems to pose all these discussions as sort of "teaching moments" which I find very patronizing.
He doesnt mean to be, he just gets really excited about topics and then wants to flesh them out in every possible way. But it's frustrating because he is smarter then me. So a lot of times he will bring up topics that I will be able to follow about half way through before they become beyond my scope. Especially since I don't know the proper way of argumentation (Straw mans logic, confirmation bias, etc).
It's causing problems and I feel resentful. I want to be able to have intellectually challenging conversations but I either feel like a complete moron or patronized because I already understand it. For example this morning I have just finished the 1st season of GOT which he has already watched. He then says "I'd like to discuss winter is coming." to which he explains that in the show the seasons are not like earth seasons, which they pretty clearly define in the show on more then one occasion, so the fact that he thought I wouldn't understand that is kind of insulting. However last week we got into a huge debate over whether or not plastic surgery is for the benefit of others or the benefit of the client. It became pretty murky and meta and I got totally lost and felt like an idiot.
I don't want to not be able to talk about interesting subjects but I fear my inability to continue with rigorous debate is both making my boyfriend think I need to be spoon fed simple ideas, and making me feel resentful and dumb.
I love him and I love his intensity, I know he doesn't mean to hurt my feelings he just loves debate and wants to make everything as clear as possible, but i fear it will cause the relationship to fail. | Boyfriend is super smart, had many challenging debates with him where I couldn't compete intellectually, but now I feel like he thinks I'm not that bright and its hurting the rapport we have. |
t3_2spt8u | relationship_advice | [22f] He [21m] is playing me hot and cold. | Alright. So, background, I'm about 7 months out of a ~3 year off/on relationship (which ended finally on my terms and which I was happy to be out of) and have been using Tinder like nobody's business for about 6 of those months. Initially it was a pretty humorous social experiment for me, then unexpectedly had a fantastic summer romance out of it (ended because dude was moving across the country). That aside, pretty much just dated all over the place but recently found that perhaps I do want something more than casual dating at this point. Basically I want something stable, consistent, and comfortable.
Enter dude. It's finals week, which was pretty light for both of us, and we hung out daily until he left for winter break. Things are good, but he has some weird idea that I'm out of his league, I do my best to squash that idea. He spends most of break text/sexting me, several times mentioning looking forward to spending a lot of time with me in the upcoming semester...then sorta starts to disappear. Replies get shorter before pretty much stopping altogether until he gets back. Wherein, basically, he tells me he's back and then stops replying for a few days. I say I sense there's a hint I should be taking, he finally says "not at all!" and explains what he's been busy with. Then the radio silence resumes, and I'm fed up, so I basically say I'm not sure what to do with his mixed signals. We hang out, it all seems well and good, he texts me quite a bit the next day and then...more radio silence.
I'm aware this is rather petty. But there was a feeling that I'd hit it off pretty well with this guy, he seemed perhaps even too into me given the time elapsed, and then he disappears. I had started to see other people, mainly because I was going to cut my losses if he'd begun to lose interest. So I have other options. But he is my favorite option. | Get single, date everything, want something more, find one I like, he comes and goes as he pleases. What the fuck does that mean, and am I wasting my time? |
t3_1y1nh9 | relationship_advice | My SO (19/F) was upset I (19/M) went out with friends. | So tonight I went out to see a movie with a few friends (all guys not sure if that matters). I hadn't talked or seen her since the morning and when I told her I was going to the movies after work, she was upset because she hadn't seen or talked to me all day and now she has to wait even longer. So after the movie I call her she says shes fine but was just upset because she missed me and wanted to talk because she had a bad day. Am I crazy for thinking she might be insecure or am I a dick for hanging out with friends instead of being there for her? | Hungout with friends over talking to my girlfriend and it made her upset. Is she being insecure or am I an asshole? |
t3_xvd93 | relationship_advice | Boyfriend of 3 years leaves for college in 2 weeks...most likely breaking up...I'm a mess and need help! | So my boyfriend and I have been going steady for 3 years. 2 of which have been long distance (loved each other more and more each year), however, the circumstances have changed and this year may not work. I lost my virginity to him and he means the absolute world to me. There is really no reason to break up other than distance (not a viable reason to me) and because we have different agendas. We started dating my senior year of high school & I know we have changed but I can't see him with anyone else- it'd be the death of me. I have no interest whatsoever in other guys and I don't even remember how to be single haha!! Neither does he...well, he had very little game to begin with, which is why I fell in love with him. We balance each other out so well and I honestly can't see my life without him in it, not to mention I am basically part of his family now... Please redditors give me some sort of advice/reassurance/anything because I am sittin' here sobbing like a pre-teen girl who's hamster just died. | Boyfriend of 3 years is leaving for college, may not work, might work, no issues other than distance and different agendas...any advice on how to make it work or if we should 'ride the wave', so to speak. |
t3_3dq5hk | tifu | TIFU by not telling the french exchange student i was resposible for how we greet people in Germany | Like many other posts here, this happened (6)years ago.
My school (in Germany) had this exchange every year for the 9th graders with a school in southern France so we could learn french and they could learn german. First me and my class went to France for two weeks and stayed with a student of that french school and after two months they would come and the student we stayed with would stay with us for two weeks. We will call the guy I stayed with Tom.
During the two weeks in France me and Tom became pretty good friends and had a really good time. I had expected it to be awkward but his family was really nice and we got along well from the first day. Since his mother could also speak english(quite rare in France) communicating wasnt a big issue either.
Note: in France(at least where i went) people of the opposite sex greet each other with a kiss on each cheek(even school kids).
The two months pass and Tom arrives in Germany and i had forgotten all about the cheek kissing thing. We arrive at my house and my Dad is waiting for us with my little brother and little sister(only 2.5 years younger and looks like my age and very shy). Tom shakes my Dads hand says hi to my little brother and goes over to my sis and starts leaning in slowly to kiss her on the cheek. My sister(not knowing what he is trying to do) leans backwards. He KEEPS LEANING IN. I'm like "wait. wtf is going on?". My teenage mind was way too slow to process what was going on and prevent the awkwardness. When I finally get it I tell him that we dont do that shit here and he quickly backs up and apologised countless times and that he didnt know. He and my sister went red like tomatoes and you could cut the awkwardness with a knife. My brother and parents thought it was hilarious and laughed about it for weeks.
Tom and my sister pretty much avoided each other for the two weeks. | I forgot to explain to my french buddy that people dont greet each other the same way in Germany which lead to a very awkward situation. |
t3_2oqcbj | relationships | My (21F) ex (21M) is frequently on sykping my roommates (21M) to play an online game. | My ex boyfriend and I broke up in August. We had a decently clean break up, and while we are on good terms I am trying to keep my distance.
My roommates became good friends with him while we were dating, and I told them that I didn't want their friendship to end because our relationship did. They bonded over an online game - League of Legends.
My ex moved away soon after we broke up for work and he does not have a job or any friends in his new city yet.
Since we broke up, both my roommates will have him on skype because they're on the same team in the game. We live in a suite so the sound travels everywhere, I can hear everything he says and he can hear everything I say.
I'm conflicted because I'm extremely uncomfortable coming home and hearing his voice in my house. I also don't like that he can hear everything I do. I don't want to take a friend away from my roommates and I know my ex is having a hard time in his new city so I don't want to make things worse for him either.
I feel like it's inappropriate and invades my privacy though.. Am I being selfish?
How can we make a compromise? | I am uncomfortable with my roommates skyping my ex while I am home, we can hear everything the other does. |
t3_q8rsu | relationship_advice | Logic vs. Feeling | I met this guy at a bar and we ended up talking instead of drinking/dancing. After a three hour long conversation he asked me out on a date. After a few dates, I knew that he was the one. He wanted to wait 15 dates before anything physical, he was bragging to his friends about me. I never usually like a guy romantically, but he really just blew my mind
We had a great time seeing each other for three weeks then he just stopped taking my calls/replying to my text. For the next three weeks, he only texted when he was drunk with things like "there are no other girl except you, I just become dumb when relationships come at me" or things like "I can't stop thinking about you". But when I replied, he would never respond back. So I started dating other guys and he texts me on Valentines day and tells me that he can't stop thinking about me.
I was JUST starting to get over him but I knew that I still liked him a lot. So when we talked that night, he told me that there are no other girl but me and he couldn't stop thinking about me. But he is afraid of commitments and he doesn't want to put me through any difficult situations (he is afraid that i will have a really hard time waiting for him)
*he is in the navy and he will be off to afghanistan in the front lines for eleven months in august as a corpsman.
We have been seeing each other again but all of my friends hate him because he has been to jail due to DUI/assault but I think he is a changed person. I just don't know what to do since I really like him but everyone is telling me that I should just walk away now.
Logically, I can understand where my friends are coming from.. but can someone offer an insight please? | I like this guy but everyone tells me that he is not good enough for me. feeling wise i want to be with him. logic wise i don't know if its the smartest idea.. |
t3_3g4k2p | relationships | Me [22 M] with a friend [21 F] of 4 months, I think I'm chasing for a girl too far, but she's giving me mix signals. When should I just call it quits? | I posted this in /r/love which I realized was the wrong subreddit, so here i am to ask you lovely people at /r/relationships.
I probably know the answer, but I really just wanted a place to vent this all out.
So a little back story.
We been seeing/talking for about 4 months now. The first couple of months were great. It honestly seemed like she was the one that wanted to talk to me. We were seeing each other almost everyday, skypeing every night. The conversation was held by both of us equally.
But the last month, mainly the last couple weeks, as my feelings for her have grown stronger, it seems like she is distancing herself from me. It seems like I am chasing after her, the one starting most of the conversations. It seems like she no longer has the same feelings for me as she seemed from the beginning. It sucks, because I am really falling for her. But then of course every so often, sparks will awaken again. >.> girls.... <.<
When is it time to just call it quits and say "fuck it, she doesn't have interest in me".
I've been trying to live by the "motto/saying": Find someone that will chase after you, not someone you chase after. or some bullshit like that. But it is so difficult to just say stop.
ugh i hate games... | been seeing a girl for a few months. all were good in the beginning but now it seems like im chasing her. when do i say enough is enough? |
t3_1ms5d8 | legaladvice | (Missouri) Easement discovered after purchasing home and now gas company wants to dig - who's responsible for repairs/damage? | About 7 years ago we bought a small home on about an acre of land. The purchase went as normal as expected. The lot next to our home is empty and after moving in we walked its perimeter out of curiosity. At the far side of the lot we discovered signs marking gas pipelines owned by a large well known company. After a bit of research we discovered that these pipelines run through our lot.
We were not aware of this when looking at the home, no one brought it up, and nothing was mentioned in the paperwork that there is an easement that runs across the yard.
Since moving in we have built a 10x12 shed in the back yard. While building the shed an individual who works for said gas company stopped by one day and said we could not build there due to the easement. We asked for evidence (paperwork, a contract, anything) stating there was an easement and that we could not build. Nothing was received and the structure was complete.
Fast forward to last week, I come home from work and notice a small white flag in my back yard from the gas company. They were surveying the land for possible excavation. We called the number on the flag and discovered that the gas company believes they will have to dig in my back yard to repair an issue with the pipeline. This has the potential of not only disrupting my lawn :) but also may require disruption of the shed we have build. I'm worried that they'll have to have it moved (not an easy feat) or they'll destroy it. More importantly, we were not aware and have not signed any agreement with the gas company regarding this easement.
What should I do in this case? No action has taken place yet. We just found out about this after calling them. They said they'd contact us, but didn't initially. I'm worried I'll come home and find a giant trench and rubble with no recourse.
I would appreciate any advice. | We bought a house 7 years ago, found out it has a pipeline running through the yard, now the gas company wants to dig. Help. |
t3_1blg5x | AskReddit | How do I fix this unusual friend-zone problem? | So, I (F21) have found myself in the same friend-zone issue a few times now. What happens is I become super close with a guy, like best friend status. I tell them everything-even details about hook ups and other relationships. During all of this the guy falls for me. I know because they have told me, I don't just think this. Then a few months later, I fall for them as well, but it's like it's too late. One of the guys told me that he liked me for such a long time and never thought it was going to happen so he pushed that thought out of his head and it's not that he doesn't like me anymore. It's just "different". | So, I guess what I'm asking is how to go about things when the friend-zone is established and then both people change their minds? |
t3_k9g0w | travel | Flight search help? | Hey guys -
I'm a member of a club that hosts 4 to 5 trips per year, foreign and domestic. For 2012, they just announced they will have a trip to Italy, Mainland Europe, China, and two in the US. I am 100% locked for either the Italy or Mainland Europe trip, but it all depends on the final scheduling arrangements.
They haven't released any final details yet, but here are the details that have been announced -
The Italy trip will be taking place mid to late June and the Mainland Europe trip would pick up right where the Italy trip ends.
For Italy, we would have to fly into Rome and we will fly out of Milan.
For Europe, we will fly into Milan and fly out of Paris.
Everything is included in the price of the trip once we arrive at the destination(hotels, transportation, meals, etc), the only thing I would need to pay extra is the flights. This is where you guys come in. Where would I go to find good prices on international flights? I checked Priceline but they seem to specialize in domestic travel when it comes to their deals. The flights I checked seemed a bit hefty at $2K one way.
I live in central NJ so I'm able to fly from Philadelphia, Atlantic City, Newark, JFK, and La Guardia with ease. | I need a website where I can find cheap international flights. Also, if someone knows one of the above airports would be cheaper to fly from, it would help. |
t3_35asu6 | relationships | I [22M] want to be empathetic to a friend of mine [21F] after a breakup she had a week ago. We are not as close as we used to be. What should I do? Details inside. | Me and my friend (we will call her Joy) have been friends since I was in 9th grade and her being in 7th. So that's about 6-7 years now. Her friend circle and my friend circle are the same and I see her and talk to her a few days during the week and mostly on weekends. And we talk sometimes but it is not deep conversation like it was earlier in the beginning of our friendship. Rarely we do have meaningful conversations but it's just been a while since I've had one with her. Joy just got out of a 2 year relationship with a guy who was a total jerk, and I just want to see how she is without me being all weird about it. Joy has told me before that she gets annoyed at sympathy sometimes (the difference between empathy and sympathy here, in other words doesn't like pity but honestly I'm the same way sometimes) so I don't want to say something weird and get on her nerves. You know? All suggestions welcome. Thanks reddit! | What do I do to show empathy instead of pity to a friend of mine who just got out of a 2 year relationship? |
t3_38w1zp | relationship_advice | I [21/F] have been questioning my [29/M] SO's commitment. What do I do? | Okay guys, here's the haps:
We've been dating 7mo. He's a hard guy to read and that makes things difficult. I care for him a lot, but I can never tell if he feels the same.
We started out just messing around. We were not exclusive. I didn't like this and told him we could be friends or exclusive, but I just didn't like having multiple partners, personally. He said he was happy doing whatever made me happy. We waited a month and spoke again and he said he thought we were mutual and liked it that way.
My issue is this:
He's hard to read. He's non-affectionate. He's sweet and funny and we are compatible, but I can never tell what he's thinking. I also have a bad habit of comparing myself to prior situations. I know this is bad, but I can't help it sometimes. I know how he spoke to his previous flings and he was always very eager to see them and very expressive about wanting to hang out, missing them, being attracted to them, etc. but he has never been like that with me.
I waited, expecting things to change once we got further into it, but nothing has happened. We spend a lot of time together, but he never says he wants me to come over, never compliments me, never expresses affection for me first (though he will reciprocate...).
Am I entirely wrong for feeling this way? Should I tell him about this insecurity? Any tips to avoid this thought process? I know he cares for me, but I'm worried about the difference in his behaviors. | Dating a stoney guy who doesn't tell me much about his feels, but has shown excitement over girls in the past. What do? |
t3_38t2bh | relationships | Me [28M] with my fiance[29F] of 6 years, no sex for over a year. | We have a great and cooperative relationship with no fighting or major disagreements, however for the past year we have gone without sex.
We had a very active sexual relationship in the beginning that calmed down to a more standard pace. Then after a few failed attempts at having sex it all together stopped. These failed attempts were due to either her being too distracted or not in the mood, and thus I would loose my erection. I cannot have sex with someone who is not as mentally engaged with it as I am, it feels like an awkward favor or service if they do.
This is not completely her fault. My approach to engaging her did become more lazy overtime and that is a large fault on my part. So we stopped having sex, which became frustrating for the first few months. We talked it out and came to the conclusion that we were just losing interest in sex but not our relationship. Now for the strange part.
After a year of not having sex we are completely fine with it. We see sex as a primitive and or procreative part of human nature. It is not something that needs to be present in a healthy relationship, although that is something that needs to be mutually agreed on, and we do.
I understand there's this whole sex culture that believes sex is important for a relationships sustainability, but what if we don't want children. Then it's just for pleasure, but what if we both see it as kind of primitive and undesirable. I'm not saying during intercourse I did not enjoy it, but that I realize if your not using it to make a child then you're only doing it for pleasure. Which is fine if that floats your boat, but we get more satisfaction out of many other things.
Is it not normal that we grow out of certain things? We see particular things we used to know as fun and pleasurable when we were kids different when we become adults. Why does it seem like in our culture it is not possible for sex to be one of those things we can grow out of? | I want to know if there are couples on here who do not have sex and have successful relationships. Why does not having sex seem like such a fundamental problem in our culture? |
t3_1plefx | personalfinance | Been at my first job out of college since graduating in May. Trying to decide how to best spend my money now that I am making some. | Hello all! I'm been working my job for a while now, and have a steady income compared to the past. I make roughly $52k a year right now. I have about 30k in student loans that I am about to start paying off. I think my plan has me at $350 a month for ten years. Next, I have a car loan that I am paying back at $270 a month for 4.5 more years. I'm also renting an apartment with my girlfriend, paying $600 a month. Those are my largest bills right now.
After all my expenses, I have been managing to save a decent amount each month. I can't say for sure how much because I have been working overtime and have had travel expenses, but I suspect it is around at least $1000, probably more. I have over 10 grand saved now, and am looking at some options.
I would like to maybe start a retirement account. Something like a Roth IRA. My employer doesn't offer a 401k plan, so that isn't an option. Would a Roth IRA be my best bet? I am also thinking that I want to buy a house as opposed to renting. I live in a state where the cost of living isn't too crazy, just so so know. I don't know if this would be a good idea given I am already paying two loans off. I have no idea on what to expect as far as what kind of money I would have to put down and what my monthly payment would be. I guess I am wondering if based off the info I have given, would buying a house be my best bet? Or should I just keep renting until I pay off one of my other loans. Or should I just try to pay off my car loan super early (There is no early payment fee)? I almost have enough now to do it actually. I don't know.
I don't know if this will be enough info, but if anyone has some advice on what they think I should do next, I would greatly appreciate it! | I have 2 loans right now but am saving at least $1000 each month. Should I set up a Roth IRA, buy a house instead of rent, or try to pay off one of my loans early instead? |
t3_4eh6az | relationships | I'm [21F] starting to see someone [20M] - my parents are going nuts. | So about six weeks ago, I matched with this guy on tinder and blah blah sparks flew. He is black and I'm white, but that doesn't matter to me because we're both into the same things and get along really well. We met up about a month ago but because of our work and school schedules plus him living an hour away from me and not having a reliable form of transportation we're just now meeting up again this weekend.
I live with my dad and when I brought it up to him that I was going to see him, he freaked out. He went on to tell me he doesn't approve of this and that I'm naive and setting myself up to get hurt. It really hurt hearing that from him because my guy and myself want to take this slow and I would think I'm a decent judge of character.
I went to my mom instead to see what I should do and she was much gentler but she's also concerned that I'll get hurt and wants to travel to see him with me so she can meet him when I can drive myself. It's understandable that they're being protective because my last relationship ended up terrible but I feel like they're being unfair to me, when my brothers date someone they don't care and I don't really get why they're acting like this. Is it underlying racism? What can I do to get them to stop being weird about this? | met a black boy, we have a really awesome connection, my parents aren't approving and think I'm naive. Help? |
t3_3d6di2 | relationships | I [19/F] is living near an ex [20/M next semester and I need advice | Backstory: I meet this guy (we will call him Brandon) due to him being a friend of my friend's boyfriend. The two friend groups hung out pretty often. We started hanging out because we had really similar personalities and he seemed like a nice guy. We started by dating and now after the fact, I realized he was using me completely. I never slept with him or anything, but I honestly feel like he broke it off because I wouldn't sleep with him. We did end up doing some stuff and I honestly still feel guilty about being pressured into it.
The problem: Brandon is living with my friend's boyfriend this coming semester. They applied to our apartment complex after we did. We received our room assignments recently and I found out from my friend that they are going to be living a building across from us. I haven't hung around him since he broke it off (he has an internship so I didn't see him much anyway). I just know that our groups are going to be hanging out a lot because we live so close. I'm really wondering how to handle this situation because honestly just the sight of him kinda makes me sick. Thanks for the advice. | I'm living near my ex, who I feel used me. How to deal with any interactions when hanging out with friends |
t3_3h0t9b | relationships | Younger co-worker (24/m) asked me (31/f) to do S&M play with him, I am married... should I do it? | First of all, I am a married woman (4 years married) with one child but I have always had a fetish for being a dom in a relationship, but my husband would never do something like that. The situation is my co-worker recently broke up with his girlfriend, and hes been in a depressed mood the whole week. We work as one unit on a team and we've always had a good relationship. He's asked me to spend one night with him and do S&M play with him, and I want to cheer him up because I know he has a fetish for being the masochist in a sexual relationship. I know it might seem like cheating but we both agreed nothing overtly sexual and of course no penetration. I've always wanted to live out a S&M fantasy as the dom and the co-worker is very handsome as well. I know some of you will berate me for "cheating" but I don't necessarily consider it cheating, simply an act of sympathy for him to help him recover. I've never seen my co-worker in a romantic light anyways and I have been faithful to my husband. Should I go for it with him?
I don't think my husband would find out about it either because I have kept secrets with the co-worker from him before and he has not been suspicious of anything. So husband finding out probably won't happen. | Co-worker broke up with girlfriend and asked me to spend one night with him, we both have a S&M fetish but I am married. I don't know if I should do it. |
t3_2coaic | tifu | tifu by being in a unhappy relationship for 4 years | This is a temporary note
So I had gotten a job fresh out of college. I joined with 2 other batchmates from my college. One of the batchmate had a crush on me and pretty soon he asked me out. I used to like his wit and humility so I was like why not? Pretty soon things got serious and we were madly in love. One day I find out that he hass a girlfriend since college and is still in touch with her even though she was in another continent. I ended our thing but later he said he had come clean with her about us and has broken up with her and that only us mattered.
So we were back on track and were quite happy. But I realized I had lost my trust in him. But as I have the fix it mentality I thought if I tried some more I will be able to fix this.
Now this was my first boyfriend and he had promised we will get married. FYI I'm from India so yes being in a relationship to get married to that person totally makes sense.
So I stick it out with him.
I see the change in his behavior, he hardly calls me when he's away, he hardly responds to my texts, will only call or respond if he needs something. See all the signs that this relationship isn't doing well.
And then one day says his parents aren't approving of our relationship and that we should break up. Which we did. But got back again.
In short I knew this guy was shitting me but I ignored my career, my friends for this guy who then tells me that he's getting married to someone else.
On the hindsight, it's for a good reason only cause the guy was a living monument of dishonesty and selfishness
Just hate the fact that he's the first one I kissed. Now I'm with a very understanding guy and he makes me very happy and confident. Just makes me sad that I kissed some asshole first. | was with a shitty selfish dishonest cheat guy for 4 years before he called it off and got married to someone else. Hate that I've to hide it from my fiancé |
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