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t3_1wdbzo | relationships | I [18 F] am unsure whether I'm just lonely or having feelings for my "friend with benefits" [17 M]. | We became friends just after this summer, but started talking a lot about 1,5 months ago. I like him as a friend a lot, and before this month I thought I was sure he wasn't my type or that I'd do anything remotely sexual with him even though I knew he were into me.
But recently we started hanging out more, and became sort of "friends with benefits" but without sex. Basically, we're cuddling and making out and acting like girlfriend/boyfriend.
Yesterday, he told me he had a crush on me, and I responded saying I **might** have a crush on him. I'm fairly certain he wants to engage in a relationship with me.
I also said I wanted to have sex with him, which I do, but I'm having mixed feelings for him. He has had ca 30 sexual partners at just 17, which I find a little overwhelming. I've had two, and almost no background of relationships.
I love cuddling with him etc, but I'm not sure if I can see myself in a relationship with him. I'm not overly attracted to him either.
I don't want to lead him on and hurt his feelings since I want to continue our friendship, but at the same time I'm not completely sure that I won't get feelings for him. Certain I'd miss cuddling etc. | Confused whether I'm just lonely or having slight feelings for my friend with benefits who says he likes me. Not sure if I should continue this path or break it off. |
t3_4ufnom | relationships | Did my [19M] girlfriend [19F] cheat/act inappropriately with her 'friend'? [19M] | Me and my gf Katie go to the same college, where we met, and we've been dating 3 months. Her male friend Nate also goes to school with us, and he met her around the same time I did. Katie and I are currently long distance for the summer since I live out of state and she + Nate live in our college town.
First of all, Nate is the kind of guy who only hangs out with women. Every day at school he would eat lunch and dinner with the same group of 4 women, and until we started going out Katie would have most of her meals with them too. She started eating dinner with me when started dating and would eat most lunches with Nate + his group. Which was fine with me because I know it's healthy to not do every single thing with your girlfriend/boyfriend and I am not the jealous type, within reason.
But it seems like every single time Nate would go out out, he invited Katie along. Every movie, every late night Sheetz run, every study session, she would get the invite and go hang out with him and his little harem. Now that we are long distance and I'm not around, she is spending even more time with this group.
Now, to the point of all this. She had told me she wanted to go to Nate's house to watch a tv show and I said okay. Then afterwords I find out through the conversation that they didn't watch it in the living room or other common area, but in his bedroom, sitting on his bed. This dude was sitting shoulder-touching-shoulder with my gf and this other girl on his bed for several hours.
Am I wrong in thinking that this is out of line? I think it's common sense not to be in bed with another guy when you are in a relationship. Katie is annoyed at me because she does not see the difference between sitting next to each other on a bed and sitting next to each other on a couch, and she insists that they are just friends. Is this just a weak excuse? This is my first serious relationship and I am flying blind here. Please help. | Girlfriend has a male friend who she insists is just that, but they watched TV in bed together last week. Is this cheating/crossing a line? |
t3_oheow | AskReddit | Reddit, have you ever needed to use a fire extinguisher? | I'll start. I was probably about 13 years old, home alone one night. I lived in a small town so we use a wood stove instead of a heater. I was gettin cold so I decided to build a fire. My mother loved to decorate everything and on this particular fire place, she had a glass plate with a candle on it. I didn't notice or think anything of it. As the fire was getting nice and hot, I hear a loud *CRACK!* and then SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. obviously, the candle had melted, and the plate shattered. The candle wax covered the entire top of the fire place and it filled the entire house with thick smoke in a matter of what seemed like seconds. I was running around opening all the windows freaking out when all of a sudden, the wax catches on fire. I was like aww HELL NO. So I quickly grabbed the fire extinguisher that we keep by the fire place and put that shit out and then dampened the fire inside.. Then I called my dad, who was on the volunteer fire dept, told him that the house was filled with smoke, and that I almost burnt the place down. He showed up at the house with smoke billowing out of all the windows like, wtf? His friend came with the fire truck that had a big ass fan, put it in the doorway and it blew all the smoke out. The end. | built a fire in the fireplace which had a plate and a candle on it, the plate broke, filled the house with smoke, caught on fire, and then I extinguished it... Like a boss. |
t3_dgyhi | running | Which distance measurement equipment? | Can we have a quick vote on what equipment you guys use, and think is best for keeping track of distance. Paper map? Google maps? Nike+? GPS?
I have been using this but I am not sure how accurate it is. Also, last night I diverted from my planned route because of a rapist lookin' guy on a bike staring at me angrily, and then following me. [I'm a man by the way] This completely messed up my measurements and timing for the run.
It felt great just shooting down a side road and through some woods at 9pm. It was pitch black and a tad creepy, but it made me realise that I would rather just run without all the pre-planning. Of course I could just do this and forget about timing, but then I can't judge any improvement. | I basically want to know what is cheap and accurate for those days when you just want to run a few miles while randomly choosing the path. |
t3_54rdus | Advice | Home life sucks, I need a hobby | I just graduated high school this year and since that was pretty much the only thing giving my life structure, things have kind of fallen apart. I live in an area where there's nothing worthwhile in walking distance. Since I'm not old enough to drive yet (I do have a learner's permit) I can't hang out with friends since my nearest one is more than two hours away, and I can't get a job. My sole form of entertainment is whatever I can do online. I'm sick and tired of sitting at home all day doing nothing. My sister is so rude and toxic that I want to punch her in the face every time I see her. I know it sounds harsh but if you met her you would understand. It's no exaggeration when I say she's tearing my family apart. All she does is start fights and create problems in our family. I need to get out of the house but there's nothing to do. | I need something to do to get out of the house and away from my family that I don't need money for and that I can do myself so I don't go insane. |
t3_2s1s5h | relationships | How do you avoid being a rebound and make things 'official' (27F, 33M) both recently seperated from spouses. | I (27F) met (33M) in July and we met up and starting seeing each other regularly (approx once a week) from September. Started off almost exactly as we both split from our respective spouses. We supported each other through the break ups (both in massively DB situations) and became an exclusive FWB. I think since meeting, we have had more sex with each other than our entire marriages (both 3 year marriages) put together, it is amazing to feel wanted sexually again. I feel we are perhaps more then FWB as we have spoken every day since meeting and behave in a way a normal couple would, just without labels and 'the talk'.
My question is how do you know if someone is a rebound? And when is it safe to reveal my feelings and to become more official, I don't more wedding bells, just maybe move in to girlfriend territory. (This terrifies me too, but in a good way.) I don't want spoil what we have, also don't want let the walls down fully and get hurt/rejected again. I think when we are together I give off mixed signals as I don't want to appear needy and this could be the reason for him not wanting to say anything either. I have tried a few times and chickened out. Now I won't see him for a over a week (he is away but will still be in daily contact) so I want to say something when I next see him and I have time to prepare.
My marriage took a lot out of me and it has taken a while to accept someone might actually want to have sex with me and spend time with me, who knew! This makes me a lot more cautious than I would have been in the past. Help me Reddit! | I (27F) want to know how to develop a possible rebound relationship with 33M into something more official, but failed marriage has left me an emotional chicken. 33M also fresh out of failed marriage too. |
t3_2xq197 | relationships | I [32M] would like to propose to my GF [26 F] in a special way and I need somebody or anybody's help | This is more of asking for help with connections rather than relationship advice and I hope it is in the right section. I have gotten to the point where I want to propose to my girlfriend and she truly is my soulmate (cheesy, I know!)
I want to propose in a grand way and I know one thing that would make this proposal incredible. I want somehow or someway to get into contact the band The XX to maybe make me a video of our favorite song Angels with a message to her. I think its a stretch but I have contacted every email link on their website as well instagram. My friend actually told me to post this on reddit as you never know who may know more details on making this happen or have a connection so I guess I'm reaching out. My gf is an amazing woman and has turned my life around. I am a more motivated, ambitious and driven person because of her and I just want to give her all the happiness in the world. I understand if this seems ridiculous and I honestly am just trying.
Thanks guys for even taking the time to read this even though it is so far fetched haha | I need a connection to The XX so I can have them participate in my proposal for my gf. Can anybody help? |
t3_43wzu9 | relationships | Me [26f] was invited to go on vacation with my friend [29m] to his home town. Ahhh what? | Sorry about the format! Doing this from my phone.
To give a little background. We met about 6 years ago by way of his job. He initially asked me out on a couple of dates. In a rather round about way we decided to just be friends. We hung out a lot over the years. Frequent lunches to talk and a few misc outings. This lasted about 3 years. Both of us in various stages of relationships throughout. Then he decided to move out of the state. We stayed in touch, but only recently have we really started talking like we used to. Then I get a message "I've been thinking about you a lot lately. You should take a vacation with me!". He was being totally serious. To the point of actually figuring out what, where, and when. He wants to take a 10 day trip to his home town. Then go on a few fun outings together.
Now I'm an overly logical person and was all for a vacation to places I've never been to do things I've never done. I haven't been on a vacation in a crazy long time. He knows this. Ive had a few people give me strange looks when I explain the dynamics.
My question is am I walking into something I may not be seeing the full picture on? | Long time guy friend asked me to take a vacation with him to his home town. Am I being completely obtuse about his motivation? |
t3_4pw10b | personalfinance | Next steps (update from older post) | Hello again, some of you may have seen my post 3 weeks ago in [Planning].
I've been trying pretty hard these past couple of weeks, but I could still use more help. I got a lot of comments saying I should look into government assistance and I've done that but nothing's really come along so far. I'm still trying to be a proper regular guy.
In the last three weeks I rented a car and got my driver's license. I think the woman doing the test may have given me a bit of leeway, but I appreciate it nonetheless.
So now I can drive. I don't have my own car, but I can generally use my parents' since they're of poor health and not so mobile, so long as they say it's okay. I went around my small town trying to find a simple job like I had when I was younger that my parents made me quit.
I've wanted to do law enforcement since I was a kid, but I don't think that dream will work due to my myriad of issues, but I'm basically only living on hope right now. I was in school for it at university, but I got "asked to leave". I'd consider applying to different post secondary institutions, provided that my earlier issues won't cause a problem, and if I CAN somehow get in I want to work to not drain my parent's money any more.
The problem is that now everywhere says they want a resume or to apply online (which normally is just uploading the resume text file). I've looked up many guides on how to do it, and I can make one, the problem is that I've not held a job since 2012. I'm not sure how I'd be able to "spin it" that I've spent 4 years being expelled from university, looking after elderly relatives and trying not to off myself while being repeatedly rejected for mental health care. The best I can think of is to say "Had to take time off to deal with family medical issues" and not expand on it. | I need to find a way to spin a resume to find part time work, perhaps re-apply for schools, and also ideas for next steps. |
t3_2olzjd | relationship_advice | Me [20 M] and My gf [20 F] for last than 1yr, broke up wf me 3 months ago, I just cant let go of her, what can i do to win her back ? | We were tgt for last than a yr.We used to love each other so much.I always thought she s the one.We were tgt most of the times in college, but then LDRs... She said that she gets tired and it has got nothing to do wf LDRs, said that she has changed.She told me its time to let go. I just dont understand why... I would do anything to win her back, I told her I can wait for her no matter how long but she rejected me immediately. Need advice . Should I wait for her ? I think it is impossible for me to move on, I think of her everyday even though it hurts a lot. How to win her back ?.Need advice and chat buddies. | What should I do now ?feeling lost and helpless. I would do anything to win her back. It is impossible for me to forget about her. |
t3_g7bgt | AskReddit | My girlfriend just told me she's pregnant. We're talking it over later. Not sure what to say. | I could use a little advice.
I met an amazing girl about a month ago. We've been seeing each other pretty frequently and I got a message from her today that we needed to talk. She told me that she had taken a pregnancy test and that it was positive. Both of us are shocked. Neither of us are sure of what to do.
She had to go back to work, but she's coming over later and we're going to talk about it.
Personally, I'm against abortion, but totally for a woman's right to do whatever she chooses. She said that she's 50-50.
Above all else, my biggest concern is for the quality of life that would be ahead for the three of us. I don't want to put her or my kid in a bad situation, but I'm also not sure if I'm just thinking this way because of the life-altering nature of having a baby.
If anyone has ever been through a similar situation, I would really appreciate anything you could tell me. I'm not really looking for a yes or no on whether to have the baby, just maybe some things that ensued (either after an abortion or after the decision to go through with the pregnancy) that may not have occurred to me yet as I'm still sort of in shock. | Got my girlfriend pregnant. Both of us are 50-50 on what to do. Looking for the experience of others. |
t3_co8gw | AskReddit | Reddit, should I feel guilty about using my parents' money to pay for an apartment during my senior year of undergrad, when I can just commute instead? | So I attend a public university in Southern California and I have commuted to classes from home for the past 3 years (10 miles ~ 30 min. drive on surface streets) and I have 1 year remaining. Rent for me alone (I have 5 other roommates in this 3-bedroom thing) is $750/mo. for a furnished apartment, which comes out to $9000 for a whole year, $7500 for the time I plan to stay (I'm hoping to find someone else to take over the contract for the summer). I signed the lease a few months ago, but they mentioned that I could find someone to replace me on the lease at any time. I don't move in until September. I asked my parents twice if they were fine with paying for it, with me covering all the utilities and food with my own money.
Earlier, I was completely fine about staying at this place, but now I'm thinking I'd be chipping away at my parents' finances too much (we're middle-class). Part of me keeps feeling like I'm acting like some type of selfish entitlement brat by just letting them foot the bill and not looking back.
On one hand, I feel perfectly fine about commuting to school for yet another year, even though everyone keeps throwing hypotheticals at me such as "Well, what if you want to take a girl back to your place? Oh, wait..." . Learning how to live on my own isn't really an issue here, since I'm in an apartment for an internship this summer.
So I'm curious, Reddit. What do you think? | I signed the lease for an allegedly expensive apartment being paid for by my parents, who're okay with footing the bill. Am I a selfish prick? |
t3_3f3y0a | Advice | Hit another car driving with my permit, I got some questions | So i'm a month away from getting my license and I borrowed my moms car to drop something off at work which was only a mile away. As I was backing up out of the parking space I hit another car in my blind spot. We both got out and trade numbers etc. she says instead of going through insurance shed rather just make me pay for the bill either through cash or card somehow. At this point she knows I shouldn't legally be on the road bymyself and takes a picture of my permit. Luckily no cops were called and there were only super minute blemishes on my car but her bumper was pushed slightly and it may need to be fully swapped. So in the end she said shell contact me and send me the bill. | hit another car driving with only a permit they take a picture of my permit and will tell me how much I need to pay them. It was a minor bumper tap |
t3_2ub69p | relationships | Me [23 F] with my coworker [26 M] : potentially awkward convo now or cross the bridge when/if it comes? | Over the last few months I have become friends with one of my coworkers due to a shared interest in a particular sport - while we don't hang out outside of work, we'll shoot the breeze while we're there and get along fine.
From our workplace's employee-incentive-reward-thing, he won a pair of tickets to a sporting event this coming week that we had both talked about looking forward to and wanting to go to, and invited me to go with him. I'm psyched, it's a really cool event and it was nice of him to recognize that I wanted to go and to invite me.
I am not at all interested in this guy in any non-platonic way, and see it as two friends enjoying a common interest/neat opportunity to see our favorite sport in a cool setting. However, when I was talking to one or two of our other coworkers, they mentioned (only semi-jokingly) that the guy may not necessarily share that perspective.
So my question is this: is this something I should address ahead of time, or is this a cross-the-bridge-when-I-get-to-it type of situation? On the one hand I'm inclined to just carry on as normal until it should happen to come up; I don't want to kill the fun or make it awkward by just being like "just FYI, this is how it is and this is how it isn't." But on the other hand, if he does feel a certain way/is getting some kind of signal, I don't think it's fair to him to keep 'stringing him on' (even if it's unintentional), and the longer I let it go/play ignorant it could end up even more awkwardly than if I just said it upfront.
What say you, wise Reddit folks? Does it make me a horrible person to just not want to bring it up unless it comes up?
Thank you! | Coworker invited me to an event of shared interest, I think of it as a friend outing, he may not. To address upfront or let it lie? |
t3_12cda2 | relationships | Am I allowed to be mad at my boyfriend for taking a vacation without me? [20F, 30M] | I met my boyfriend in February through a mutual friend. We started casually dating, but shortly after he found out he was moving across the country. He said the timing was bad to start anything serious, but he was interested and wanted to play it by ear after he moved. I didn't want to wait around for a commitment that may or may not happen, so we kept hanging out (and sleeping together) until he left in August.
We stayed in contact and he constantly said he wanted us to date once he was settled. He came back for a quick visit in September because his new job didn't start until October and I asked if he wanted to get together. He said he was technically still unemployed and wanted to wait until training started. I assumed he wasn't interested and dropped it. Shortly after he began his job he formally asked me out. We've been together for about a month, long-distance. I am flying out to see him this month and he's coming back for Christmas.
He goes down south every year, and when he was home he invited me to go with him. However, we just found out that my university schedule and his work schedule don't match at all. His break begins a week after mine, and that is when he's planning to leave. In order for me to go, I would have to miss a week of school. He can't get any more time off work. I'm willing to miss school (most of my work is posted online, and I only go part-time. The only issue is my parents pay for my tuition, and they would lose their minds if I skipped to go on vacation) and he's been looking for alternative dates, but if I'm unable to go, it would mean we don't see each other for two and a half months. And I'm not going to lie, I would be really disappointed. | Boyfriend is planning a vacation that I might not be able to attend. Do I have the right to be upset? |
t3_4756ai | relationships | Me [22M] with my crush [22F] who I need to ask out soon. | I met this girl in class last semester and only spoke to her a few times. Whenever I approached her after class she seemed happy to talk with me and I couldn't tell if she was just being nice or giving me signs of interest. The semester ended and I didn't ask her out because I didn't think she was feeling me.
Just the other day I found out she has a class before me in the same room. As I was walking in, she was walking out and gave me a look that was obviously meant to get my attention, followed by a half smile. I then knew she was into me and totally regretted not asking her out earlier.
Now my class ends in a week so I won't see her in passing between classes anymore. I've got 2 brief passes between to get her number and ask her out. How should I go about this? I don't even know her name... | I need to ask out a girl I don't know too well in the next week when I don't see her often, how should I? |
t3_otpqe | AskReddit | Is there a way to cure or successfully treat social anxiety? Advice needed | I know in the grand scheme of things this may seem like a petty question, but I have a friend who has undiagnosed social anxiety. He's 26 and has been one of my best friends since I was 12. The problem is that I just got a job in a city about 2000 miles away, and he has subtly hinted at not being able to take on the outside world without me there.
He is constantly worried about going out in public with me and as of late, has pretty much given up on socializing in general. He has never been that outgoing, but recently it seems that he would rather shut himself in entirely than risk making new friends and "embarrassing us" as he put it. He is very very awkward to be around. He never knows what to say, always makes untimely jokes, never makes eye-contact, fucks up handshakes constantly and is just an overall weird person to be around... In PUBLIC. Behind closed doors he is the funniest, most sincere and amazing human being I've ever met. I wish others could see him for the truly awesome person he is instead of the weird, nerdy, skinny kid with messy hair who told the awkward joke at dinner.
This guy is like a brother to me, and I really want to help him, but I have no idea where to begin. I've read about successful treatments through coaching, on the web, but I don't think I would be able to convince him to visit a doctor. | My friend is an exact replica of the socially awkward penguin and I want to help him, but I don't know how. |
t3_vb1dh | dating_advice | Looking for advice on how to make a move on a girl who's a bit of a social recluse and lives a town over. (21 M) | Hey all. I'm M/21 and the girl in question is 21 as well. I actually met her through Tumblr about 3 months ago. I had been looking for posts tagged with my area code and found her page. We reblog each others photos from time to time and will respond with a sentence or two sometimes. About a month ago I found her on Facebook and we have some friends in common and I added her. We have little snippets of a conversation, but not much.
Here's where I need your help. She admitted through her tumblr that recently she's become more of a social recluse and is finding reasons not to leave the house. What's more, she lives about 20 minutes away from me. Not a big deal, but it might be when trying to convince someone to just get up and do something. I messaged her once to try and get a conversation going and it lasted 2-3 exchanges before she stopped talking. I don't really know where to go from here. Whilst exchanging messages she said she thinks I'm a pretty cool guy, so at least some level of interest is there. I just don't know how to proceed.
After years of coming off too strongly I'm trying to let things happen on the girl's terms, but in this case that might be never if she has no ambition. I feel like I should try and start another conversation with her, but when people just stop responding like she did previously I feel like I'm bothering them and I stop trying. She did mention that she wants to meet new people around town, but I'm guessing I'm going to have to play this slow. Any suggestions for what my next move might be? | I'm interested in a girl who hasn't been too helpful in the communication department and has stopped having interest in leaving her house. |
t3_2c8m5b | relationships | Am I (25/f) reading too much into a Facebook post? Dating for a month. [Update - I wasn't]. | [This] is the original.
I just wanted to update because I don't get what happened. I took everyone's advice last night and just didn't comment on it. However, another girl did saying "Is this to let all of the other women you're playing know you won't be sexting them this week?"
I texted him about this and kept a screenshot because the whole status has since been deleted. He didn't reply and I don't know if I should ask for an explanation either. Should I message her? They aren't even friends. He either just deleted her or she deleted him. | Reddit told me to backoff. I did. I saw a status. My suspicious were right. Don't know if I should stay "backed off"? |
t3_2zl91p | relationship_advice | [19/m], need relationship advice about [19/f].. | So, half a year ago I hooked up with this [19/f], who ended up being my girlfriend. Everything was perfect, I'd give her the occasional "surprise" gifts (little stuff, like a rose when I knew she was having a bad time, etc.). We bonded really well, we discussed our family problems, it was just perfect. All of a sudden, she's being cold. Really cold. All she does is make fun of me, and when I reply with indifference and an equally bad (sort of) joke, she either goes into a raging stance and starts shouting, or she just leaves and doesnt reply for a while. She asked me to come over to her place and talk it out. We did, we discussed every single problem we had (including our sexlife which started being TERRIBLE because she had a yeast infection and couldnt relax so it would be painful for both of us). Fast forward 2 weeks, things havent changed. We talked against last night, and she was just as she was before. Not cold, super cute, all fine. I wake up this morning, and it started again. She ignored me for straight 4 hours (she's always on her phone, so I doubt she didnt notice). I know for a fact she didn't cheat, for she was sleeping over at her best friend (I secretly arranged for them to do so, I thought it would help her if she talked to someone else). I just dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to lose her for no reason whatsoever, and I'm not a quitter to just give up without even trying anything.. So, reddit.. Could you help me in any way? | Girlfriend being extremly cold all of a sudden, we talked about it, she seemed super fine and everything went back to normal for a few hours. Things got bad again, for no reason whatsoever. Need advice. |
t3_3084ps | relationship_advice | [26m] She (25f) wants me to commit to committing and i aint about that life (yet). i need advice. help pls | *takes deep breath*
I moved to a new country over a year ago. New start new job all was going well. I met a girl a few months in and we hit it off. she asked me out and i happily agreed.
a few months in, she brings up marriage. i tell her i want it eventually but its wayy to early to even consider it. she agrees and regrets bringing it up.. blames her parents for the pressure.
fast forward another 6 months. she brings it up again. I tell her im not ready for it and don't like thinking about it. I need to focus on my career and work first and everything else after. She agrees and regrets bringing it up again.
We hit our year mark and it gets me thinking. Shes a good girl. A really good girl. I love her but her parents are putting pressure on her to get married sooner rather than later.. Shes very family orientated. She also has friends that are 30+ and unmarried, she doesn't want to become that. We both come from very different backgrounds and cultures. She's Lebanese- Im Pakistani, and we both live in the Middle East.
If i break up with her- im losing my best (and one of very few) friends in the new country. Im also losing the girl I love. She knows me inside and out. If i stay with her, im potentially putting off hurting her later because I don't know how likely it is that we last (given our diff cultures). I've kept her from my parents because i'm not ready to have that conversation- her parents know.
Also- im not about that commitment life. I don't cheat and love one at a time-but I think it might be too soon for me to look at an engagement within the year and that's what she wants. I need to focus on my career.
help pls?
*exhales | we love each other but she wants me to commit to getting engaged eventually but im not ready for that yet. also times an issue for her. |
t3_3x1hcq | relationships | I [32/M] am in over my head. Totally in love with [32/F] with two kids. Not sure if up to the task :( | I really fucked up. I fell in love with a 30 year old woman with two kids and didn't really think through what kind of responsibility this entails all the way.
We've been together for 2 years. She wants to get married, buy a house and have another kid with me. All of this stuff has the utmost urgency because her biological clock is ticking. I have to think about being a step father, a husband, having a baby, and buying a house to fit every one in, all in a year after spending my entire adulthood being totally independent and responsible for only myself. It's a huge adjustment for me. I feel rushed. It makes me nervous. I'm not sure if I'm financially or mentally ready to take on all of this, but I really love this woman. I've addressed my concerns, but she feels exactly the opposite. Instead of feeling rushed, she feels like she must put her life on hold for me to wait until I'm ready for everything. The resentment is building for both of us. I'm not really sure what to do. Is there anything I can do besides either leaving her or going along with her plans? There just doesn't seem to be much middle ground. | In love with a woman with 2 kids who wants to get married, have another baby, and buy a house ASAP. I'm Feeling rushed, she's feeling delayed. Resentment building. Not sure what to do. |
t3_3q0t4n | relationships | [M26] I don't think I'll ever be able to live with someone | I feel like I've got this problem where I can't stand being around the same person or people constantly. It's never been a massive problem for me as I just saw it as being introverted and with my anxiety, assumed the social interactions were draining and I just needed time to recharge.
I no longer have major anxiety and I can cope with social interactions and relationships quite well by having some alone time afterwards so it doesn't feel like a real problem to me. However, I do feel like I won't be able to spend any proper time with someone as a SO since I can't cope with being around someone 24/7.
I've never really had any proper long term relationships because the idea of spending more than a few hours at a time with someone is exhausting and all the little things that irk me, which I normally push to the back of my mind, start driving me insane.
I have the same issue with everyone regardless of who they are, parents, best friends, colleagues. The obvious answer I'm sure is to get some counselling but has anyone else faced this? Is it "normal" and just has to be worked around or is it an issue to be resolved? | can't stand extended time with people, is it just my personality I.e. introverted or something to be resolved within myself or worked around? |
t3_31lupo | Advice | Horrible procrastination issues | Hey everyone,
I'm starting to develop habits I'm not proud of but I'm having trouble doing something about it. I've always procrastinated when it comes to homework and other things I generally don't want to do, even when I know I could get it done fast and get back to what I want to do. Instead I insist on wasting my time on the internet.
This has gotten really bad lately. I find myself putting off the simplest assignments to the point where I stay up all night doing crap that barely entertains me, never even getting to the work. I've started to feel horrible, on a moral level and physically sick from lack of sleep. I'm dosing off in class and I feel like my grades are suffering from poor performance during the day and not having any homework done. I get stuck in this loop of not even caring about school anymore. I'm in 8th grade and have gotten A's and B's pretty consistently for a while now, but they're starting to dip a little.
I'm not even happy with the things I do when I'm wasting my time; I either watch endless average-quality videos/clips or browse deep into random subreddits for all eternity. I would love to be playing games or skyping with my friends or even spending time with my family, but I can't because I'm too busy pretending to "work" in my room. I can't talk to my parents about this because I would be in so much trouble if they knew what was actually going on. I tell them I'm slaving away at my school work for hours on end, staying up all night when in reality I'm too lazy and too stupid to get myself started on things I need to get done. And I feel awful for lying to them, but I've simply dug myself too deep to come out now. This has been happening for quite a bit of time.
I can't keep this up any longer, I have a feeling this is going to escalate quickly. It already has. Thank you for letting me rant and hopefully some of you can help me out here. I want to make it clear that I know I'm doing something wrong, and It's my own fault for not being happy. | Problems with procrastination, can't get myself to work. Staying up all night and lying to parents. Help!* |
t3_yv9fz | relationships | [29M] have been faking sexual enthusiasm for [30F] for too long. | We are dating for more than 8 years now, and we are each others' first relationship. We have an incredible amount of harmony, we understand each other in ways no one can and we completely trust each other.
The problem stems from the fact that she has much higher sex drive than I do. She also takes rejection very negatively, and feels awful when I reject her advances. So for all these years, I have been faking lust and enthusiasm for her. She asked specifically a couple times if I have ever faked interest, and I did not have the balls to tell the truth, this has gone too far.
I like our sex only because they are great opportunities to make her very happy with relatively small effort. I just have to concentrate hard to be able to come when she is going down on me(after she is satisfied).
I don't mind the sex life and I can usually deal with its stress with a nice jog, but I feel guilty for lying to her for so long. Is confessing to her ever a good idea? I fear she will never truely enjoy sex with me if I do. | GF of 8+ years like sex, I don't but I kept pretending to like to make her happy. Shall I tell this? |
t3_1j70wx | relationships | My Girlfriend's cousin wants her sexually, she doesnt know. He doesnt know that I know. More inside. Advice? | My girlfriend lives with her male cousin. She and I are 22 he is 29, he always acts weird around her - does things that puts red flags up in my head... like hugging her for too long and the like. I always just assumed I was crazy... they are cousins after all.
Recently he left the house to go on errands, thinking that no one was home. I had slept over, and was waking up. I went into his room to grab something I left there, and on his computer monitor was a facebook picture of my girlfriend (his cousin) In a bikini, with handcuffs photo shopped in, and a gag photo shopped onto her mouth.
Obviously this is more than a simple crush, and it is freaking me right out. What do I do in this situation? He doesn't know I know, and she sure as hell doesn't know anything. What do I do? | My girlfriend (22)'s cousin (29) wants her sexually. I found photo shopped and sexual pictures on his computer. WTF do I do - if anything? |
t3_4j39jp | relationships | I [23F] confronted my boyfriend [24M] about his manipulative, borderline abusive (gaslighting), behavior. He doesn't think he's manipulative. | So my BF of 2 years has been increasingly verbally abusive towards me through gas lighting.
The most recent example would be that he tried to convince me that I liked this guy even though I don't. I texted a male friend who I've known in high school about xyz because I saw on social media he just did xyz and I wanted advice. After that, it was just some small talk and slight catching up. My BF saw the text and spent 4-5 hours trying to convince me that I had a crush on this guy and was emotionally cheating on BF.
I told my friend and she told me that sounds like gaslighting (which is how I'm aware of it now) and realized he has been increasing this type of behavior. Not sure why. I also realize it escalates after drinking. He's a really nice guy otherwise and after some deep evaluation, his abusive behavior is only related to males. just because I don't want any reaction from him, i'll avoid texting any males and won't respond to any male's text.
I confronted him about his behavior and simply called it manipulative. I said why would you try to manipulate me into telling you I like this guy when I don't? And he said I don't think it's manipulation, I am just trying to get you to tell the truth. I don't like this guy, Reddit. but my BF is sitting firm on the idea that I do.
I'm wondering if suggesting couples counseling would help his behavior even though he isn't aware of what he's doing? | BF is verbally abusive but isn't aware of his manipulation tactics. He thinks he's just getting the truth out but will manipulate me into believing what his truth is. Will couples counseling help him since he isn't aware of his behavior? |
t3_30cayx | relationships | I'm [23 F] struggling with being the less attractive new girlfriend to my boyfriend [30 M] of 2 months | Curiosity struck me today, and I did some searching for my boyfriends ex, and stumbled upon some nude pictures of her on tumblr. All I could think about was how perfect her body is. Not only is her body amazing, but she is also drop dead gorgeous.
I'm pretty average, I'd say. I'm a little petite thing, with little bewbies, and somewhat androgynous features. I was already self conscious being naked around him, but now I feel completely insufficient - which I know isn't true. He's with me for a reason, and must find me attractive on some level, right?
They broke up at the end of December, so things are still fairly fresh. He comments about wanting to stay friends with her, and after seeing those pictures, I worry that he doesn't find me as attractive. The thought of them spending time together, at this point, makes me very uncomfortable.
It seems like a petty thing to be upset about. I guess what I'd like advice on is how I should approach the subject with him. I'd also like some tips on being more comfortable in my own skin. | My boyfriend's recent ex is drop-dead gorgeous, and I'm struggling to be confident with my physical features around him. |
t3_23ek1f | relationship_advice | Young here [16m] who likes [15f] but parents forbid her to ever see/talk to me. Advice? | Hey there, first post here.
I met this girl(we'll call her Meggan, not real name) through Debate. She goes to another school than me, so we can't see each other as often as we'd like. I ended up sneaking over to her house to see her and spend time with her. This went on for a few weekends. Then, one weekend her father caught me on their front porch(waiting for her to come out and give the OK) and blankly I said I had the wrong house and left. This was at 4am.
That was strike one. We ended up making an excuse saying that I was trying to ask her to my schools dance, which succeeded but parents were still iffy. Her father left to a business trip, and her mother was okay with Meggan's older sister inviting me to going to Meggans birthday party. I met her and I apologized, and that seemed to be alright with her mother. We continued to talk, feelings got deeper.
This is where things take a toll.
Meggan has a jar that has scrolls of what she's down throughout the year. One of these scrolls, had something involving me being inside the house. Her mother went through her jar and found out. Both parents freaked out and forced her to never communicate with me and she ended up deleting me on everything. She's grounded as well, of course. I really like this girl, but I don't know what to do. Her parents hate me now. They have threatened to place a restraining order on me and if I try going by their house both Meggan and I will be punished.
Should I contact her parents, or contact Meggans sister to help me try to get them to let me come over so I could apologize? Should I even bother? I feel awful disrespecting her parents, what should I do? | Girl and I really like each other but parents forbid her to talk to me/parents now hate me because we went behind their backs by sneaking into their house. Too messy to fix or is there a chance? |
t3_18hb2s | relationships | My bf [21] wants to smoke pot on valentine's day before he sees me [f22] and I'm really opposed to him being high around me what should I tell him? | Together for 5 years now. We go to separate colleges an hour away and since vday is on a thursday we were debating if we should see each other or not on actual valentines day or just celebrate it this weekend. I wanted to get together on thursday drive 30 min each and get dinner together. He has a midterm that day and wants to smoke weed right after it and wants to just wait until the weekend. (I'm very opposed to him being high in front of me) Now I'm disappointed he can't take this one day to appreciate me and chooses weed instead. Should I just suck it up and celebrate over the weekend or is he being selfish? | boyfriend has a midterm on vday and wants to smoke pot before seeing me but i'm against smoking and want to get dinner with him. |
t3_fenfj | AskReddit | Have you ever met a cool/successful/famous person and didn't realize their awesomeness until later? | I'll start: In 5th grade, our class had a career day. We went around in small groups, and the parents would tell us what they do:
There was the cool chemist mom who made things explode and change colors, a home-maker mom who made rice krispies, and an optometrist dad who made colored contacts. At the very end, we got to the most boring (in my opinion at the time) presentation: a woman who said that her husband wanted to connect her computer downstairs with the one in the attic. He made it possible to link the two computers, calling the company Linksys. | I just met the wife of the founder of Linksys (now owned by Cisco), and I thought she was boring compared to the homemaker who made me rice krispies |
t3_21xqjs | personalfinance | Saving for house, where store money? | Hey guys,
I am on the road to saving for a downpayment, 20% on a 300-350k home in the Seattle, WA area (Think Issaquah, Snoqualmie, Sammamish or Renton Highlands).
I'll need 70,000 for my 350k goal and around 10-15k for those closing, first-time and "oh shit the fence" costs. Total goal is to have 85,000 in liquid assets in 3-4 years.
I currently have 29,892 in a high yield savings account and 4,000 in my checking account. Credit is 800+, that is not a problem.
For the house down payment;
* 10,000 available from retirement, limit for home purchase.
* 18864 net raw gain (after 401k max, roth max) per year.
* "Anticipated" 10% bonus (10,000 USD) per year (assume only 1 of 3)
* 20,000 sign-on bonus from new company in 90 days.
How realistic is it to tackle this in 3 years time?
How should I store these monies so inflation doesn't hurt me per annum?
Is it a bad idea to use the PMI loan infrastructure to "only put" 10-15% down to speed up the process, then re-finance in a few years and pay off another 60-80k?
... | Planning to buy house, have money, don't want to lose to inflation, what is PMI, any other useful tips or links? |
t3_44nfij | relationships | Girlfriend [23f] said jewelry and proposing in valentines day is so bad and cheesy. I [24m] bought her a promise ring already. Help! | We have been together around 10 months and we love each other very much. I was talking to my girlfriend about valentines day, it will be our first valentines together, we were planning in what to do next Sunday and the gift topic came up and she was ranting on how jewelry is just plain bad during valentines day, that its not original at all and its just a gateway to an easy gift and was talking about how proposing in valentines day is so expected and kept ranting on how cheesy it was, and told me if we ever got to the point of proposing, not to do it on valentines day.
I know a promise ring doesnt mean engagement but at this point I was kinda feeling down because I had bought he a promise ring 2 days ago. Now all I can think about is returning the ring. The ring wasn't the only gift, I had some other funny and clever gifts but now I'm just thinking of returning the ring or just saving it for later.
So reddit, should I just give it to her and hope she'll appreciate it? I don't know what to do. | I bought my gf a promise ring for valentines day and just discovered how she thinks jewelry and proposals are lame and cheese on valentines day |
t3_2zgznn | askwomenadvice | I [27m] am seeing a perfect girl[26], but I don't love her...what gives? | She's perfect by all accounts, perfect body, she's funny, smart, successful, we share the same morals and values and she cares deeply about me. We always have a lot of fun together and enjoy all the same activities.
I can't think of one good reason to break things off, but I'm just not feeling it. We've been on and off for ~5 years, on for 3.5 mostly consecutive (no more than a week if we did try to take a break) then ~ year off. We've had some fights and disagreements, we always have worked thru them. I don't know if I'm into marriage but if I were, this is a dream girl situation.
I want to be with this girl. I can't imagine my future without her, we've tried being just friends and she couldn't do it. She "cares about me too much to just be friends" (her words). For some reason I just don't feel that love. After our ~year break I saw another girl for a while and maybe it was just the honeymoon phase of it but with that girl and the perfect girl earlier on, I felt...more.
Sometimes I just get down about not feeling as strongly as I think I should. Early on with us I felt something different and once with the previous mentioned girl. I was excited all the time to see them and sex was no problem. Now, sometimes I just wish I could fuck someone else? Not that I don't want to ever be with this girl again, sometimes its hard to finish during sex unless my mind wanders. I don't want to cheat on this girl and I have no intentions to do so (physically, I understand you could argue I am with the wandering mind during sex). I just don't know what to do, why I don't feel more, I want too. I've been trying to just wait and give it time but now I'm coming here and seeing what others opinions are. | She's perfect, she's everything I would want and she's my best friend but I'm not in love with her romantically. We just got back together, should I just give it more time? |
t3_1o25j7 | relationship_advice | [27/F] In love with a married man | I recently came back from a long trip with various colleagues from across the world (whom I had never met). The day I introduced myself to him..it was like time stood still. I've never had that feeling meeting someone before, and it threw me off. I texted him first, and we talked about all types of things (reddit included!), but when I went home that weekend for a quick trip, I found myself missing him incredibly, and couldn't wait to get back to see him.
Over the next six weeks, we grew close..sleeping together, spending nights watching stupid things on Netflix, he even took me to the hospital and waited till 2:30am with me one night when I was really sick. We talked about his wife, and he said that she was unsupportive of his work, she had no friends, and that she wasn't the same person when they met. I didn't judge or provide biased advice at all, I let him vent when he needed to. It was pretty clear one day that I knew how I felt, and I told him...he felt the same way. We dreaded the day we had to say goodbye. We talked nightly about how we could let each other walk away knowing how we felt. Lots of tears were shed.
Saying goodbye to him was easily the hardest thing I've had to do, and I can't believe how empty I feel back home knowing he's so far away from me, and he says he feels that way back too. He says he wants to try to fix things at home, but that even since being back..he doesn't feel the same way about her as he once did.
Reddit, what do I do? Im torn between just letting him be and letting him figure things out on his own (with the potential of him saying he chooses her), and just buying him a plane ticket and being forward about how serious I am about being with him. Any advice is welcome. Im really hurting right now. | Met the man of my dreams, find out he's married, fall in love with him and find out he feels the same way, and now left in limbo unsure of what to do or how to feel. |
t3_2xb0f5 | relationships | My (23/F) boyfriend's farting (25/M) drives me insane. | Throwaway because he knows my account. Ok, so I get that guys, like all humans, burp and fart. It's normal, whatever. But my boyfriend's farts are literally so gross. He doesn't even try to hold back, he farts maybe 10 times a day and it sounds like he is shitting his pants (no, he does not have a medical issue). Just the most explosive, nasty shit ever. I hate it!! Most of the time he farts like this, he is naked as well, in our bed, on the couch, farting away. I've asked him a thousand times to be more respectful around me. Like I understand you're a man and you're "comfortable" in the relationship but what the fuck I don't want to spend my life smelling your farts you can't even ATTEMPT to be courtious or at least put on some boxers....anyways, he farts just to spite me sometimes, which is what really pisses me off, and then he smiles and he's like "what?" I'm just like, can you please stop? And he's like, well I live here, you're my gf, I'm comfortable, blah blah blah. It just makes me feel so disrespected!! Also he shits, and it can stink, like alll other humans. So I bought Glade and put it right on top of the toilet, and I told him about buying it so he KNEW. 5 months later he hasn't used it once!!! I'm so tired of him being gross on purpose and not even attempting to like, cover up his stink, or making his farts less loud, or at least putting on boxers when he farts so its less gross. He's even farted on my leg, BOTH OF US NAKED, tried to give me dutch ovens, and laughed I'm so irritated. Is there anything I can do to make him stop?! I have asked him a thousand times and even gotten a little snippy but nothing seems to work. | bf farts a lot, loudly, wetly, on purpose, laughs, and doesn't care that I find it disgusting |
t3_32rawl | askwomenadvice | How do I [34F] learn to walk away? | I have a really bad problem of being scared to defend myself when I feel like I'm being disrespected in a relationship. I grew up with a narcissistic mom who has Borderline Personality Disorder and I married a narcissistic man with Borderline Personality Disorder who abused me sexually, emotionally, physically, and financially. I have been in therapy for years and am actually a pretty level-headed and functional adult except that I cannot walk away from abusive relationships and disrespectful situations. I hate this! I feel like I am doomed to repeat the same pattern of being abused over and over again for the rest of my life. When it happens, it makes me feel small and ashamed and scared. I will start to say something and almost always either take it back or make excuses for the other person or I will just stay silent. I don't know...I was just wondering if anyone had any advice. | I am practically a walking punching bag. How do I have the confidence to demands to be treated the way I think I deserve? |
t3_1vh33p | relationships | Me (20/m) and my girlfriend (20/f) broke up a few weeks ago and she still wants to exchange Christmas gifts when we get back to college from winter break | We had been dating for a little more than 3 months and she had been growing distant over winter break when we were far apart so I saw it coming. I loved her at one point but it faded when she basically gave up on the relationship. I was really just frustrated with her and didn't understand why she shut down on me but I guess I'll never really understand and that's fine.
She did say that she wanted to still be friends but she would give me some breathing room for awhile. I agreed that I needed some time and then we talked about the gifts we got each other. She wants to still exchange gifts when we get back to school and I said that I would but is it a good idea? I've thought about it a lot and I do want her to still be a part of my life as a friend so it wouldn't be that weird. What should I do? | Ex-girlfriend wants to exchange the gifts we got each other for Christmas when we get back to college. I don't know if I should. |
t3_2vk8kp | tifu | TIFU by texting a girl | So, first post so sorry in advance for any formatting problems. Long time lurker is the word I think (I used to read a lot of posts but neversubmitted one myslef)
Anyway, recently I went for a sleepover at one of my friend's houses. It was fun, we did epic shit. One guy, lets call him Nick, to protect his identity, gave my number to a girl called,lets say, Chloe. Now, I had no idea that he gave her my number. So one day I got a text from Chloe saying 'heey xxx' so I thought that she was just trying to start a conversation. I spoke with her, once she told me my name,and we chatted for a day. Then, on Monday, she sends a text and doesn't reply to any of mine.
So, I send seven, trying to spark conversation, and end up saying 'Did I say something wrong?' which I think sent across the wrong message,and then said 'Chloe?' today (weds). She responds with 'sorry i have a boyfriend x' then I realised IFU. She probably thought me saying 'Did I say something wrong?' was me trying to apologise for hitting on her in the wrong way. I tell her I wasn't , which she replies saying that she knows, but her boyfriend wouldn't be happy. Her last words of this text were 'bye x' I say 'Ok then. Bye.'
Then, I say a minute or two later 'Well it was nice speaking to you for three days. Bye.' To which she replies (probably tryingto get the wierdo who can't cut ties to go away) 'k bye'
Ohhh man, this was the first girl I've ever actually spoken to, and now that she said that I feel...different. I don't know, its weird. | I texted a girl I barely knew one too many times and she probably thought I was some weird guy who can't let people go and her last text to me was 'k bye' probably showing that she wants to stop talking. |
t3_37gp3o | relationships | My [24M] Uncle [44M] cheated on my aunt [35F] and now my mothers [43F] refuses to allow him at my brothers graduation. | My Aunt has been dating this man for a while now who we'll just call her husband. Things have been going great, however a few days ago a news report broke out of a deputy exposing himself in front of a coworker and being arrested and fired. Turns out this was him. The entire community knows about this.
When my mother received word of this she informed my aunt he was not to attend my brothers graduation. My aunt took this extremely hard considering she paid for alot of my brothers books, clothes, SAT exams, and even his graduation robes. Wanting to stand by her husband, my aunt decided she wound't attend as well.
My brother is heartbroken she wont be coming, the rest of our family (including myself) is disgusted with her rationale for dissallowing him at the graduation ( she's worried about people talking about her). She is a person that only cares about what people think about her. It makes it very hard for me to side with anyone in this. I think what my mother did was reprehensible and want to tell her off but at the same time i don't want to cause any family drama. | Uncle cheated on aunt and it became very public. Mother is a raging bitch and dissallowed him from attending brothers graduation. What do? |
t3_417p1h | relationships | I (22 f) don't fit my boyfriends (20 m) fetishes | Long story short, I found out that his fetishes consist of much older women and bigger girls. I'm a 130 lb 5'2 girl and I have some extra pounds but I'm not fat and I'm only 2 years older than him.
I'd love to be able to fully satisfy him and make his fantasies come true but I don't know how to do this. He doesn't tell me anything about his sexual fantasies and I have to find it out myself to get him to talk about anything like this. I sense that he's embarrassed but how can I get him to open up to me about this kind of thing?
I'm into role playing but he isn't. I'm not even sure how role playing as an older lady would even work to be honest. As for his bigger woman fantasy, I can't help my weight and don't want to put on weight just to please him. He had a feabie account which is people with similar fetishes and he talks to people there but he deleted his account whenever I'm home I guess. He's trying to hide it and I need to help him understand I won't judge him and that I'd like to help fulfill anything he wants from me.
I'm worried that I can't give him what he wants and that he's going to want to meet other people and explore his sexual needs and wants that I can't fill. | younger boyfriend likes chubby girls and older women and won't open up about his fetishes. I'm a relatively small 22 year old who can't possibly fill his desires |
t3_260t54 | relationships | Me [19/F] with the guy I'm dating [23/M] duration, short term | Hi there, so I really really need some perspective on this- and I'll try to explain as best as I can. PLEASE be nice, as this is extremely personal to me and it's driving me completely insane- I also have nobody to talk to about this.
So, I am a classical pianist studying in London in my first year. I met another pianist who goes to the neighbouring music university, he is also a pianist. He is one of the greatest musicians I've ever met. Creative, intelligent, smart, sensitive, wonderful sense of humour, we are compatible in every way.
We went on a date, and spoke about our love for music- and then suddenly we haven't spent one day apart. He leaves today for Switzerland for 4 days, for his brothers wedding so I have some time to think.
I just found out that he VERY recently just got out of a 3 year long relationship and has told me that he hasn't been single since he was 17. This scared the shit out of me. Now I'm thinking " I must be a rebound " but he has been so honest with me, and told me exactly how he feels about me, but that he can't enter a relationship now.
I CANNOT stop seeing him, I've never met anybody that is so completely in tune with who I am as a person, and most importantly a musician.
Everybody in my life has somehow left, my parents have passed away, I'm living on my own in a new country, and so many men come and go. I cannot lose this one.
I've told him already that even if he doesn't want to persue a romantic relationship with me (because it's too soon) I will still want to be friends and keep him in my life because he means so much to me. This is true, but if it came to that it would completely break my heart.
Please be nice, and tell me how I should continue this, maybe what kind of conversation I should have with him, and how I can make him feel comfortable.. | Falling inlove with a new guy, everything is perfect. Find out he's just got out of a 3 year long relationship. |
t3_2cqzra | tifu | TIFU- by trying to save money. | So, I went grocery shopping last Sunday and in order to save a few dollars I bought a couple whole chickens to butcher myself rather than the precut stuff like I usually buy. I figured I am pretty good in the kitchen why not take on the challenge right?
I manage to clean and butcher my chickens(after thanking them and only crying a little bit, its hard when it looks like a whole animal ok?!). According to the video I watched on how to butcher a chicken you are supposed to remove the bag-o-guts from inside the chicken before you start. I bought 2 free range chickens and the first one didn't have anything inside the cavity but the second one had a neck and what I think was a liver but they weren't in a bag! Mind you I am already grossed the fuck out by these sad dead chickens that I nearly puke at the sight of the liver falling out into the sink. I am wearing rubber gloves this whole time btw.
At this point I have already put some of the bones and skin from the first chicken into a bowl in the sink waiting to be chicken stock so I toss the guts and neck in the bowl too and go about the butchering. I go to get the bowl of stock materials and get that boiling after I take my gloves off and (carelessly) leave them in the sink so that I wouldn't get chicken grossness everywhere.
Fast forward to today. My boyfriend and I have been noticing a gross smell. We think its the trash. Then maybe we think just the can is dirty, oh well we will wash it when we move in a week and we move on. Earlier tonight I am in the kitchen making dinner and I go to wash my hand when what do I see down the drain but a damn rubber glove. I reach my hand down and pull it out and then a second one and then I see something else... ITS THE GROSS FUCKING CHICKEN NECK!! It's just been hanging out in my drain for days making me nauseated!! Booked it to the bathroom and puked my guts out while my brave brave boyfriend dealt with the nastiness. | I tried to save money by buying whole chickens and ended up letting a chicken neck rot in my sink for a couple days. |
t3_3hh6kb | Advice | How do I stop being so paranoid at work after a run of bad luck in the past? | I'm a writer and an editor, and I've lost so many jobs for reasons that transcend me or my work performance. If you know the publishing industry, you know how surprising that isn't. The edge has driven me to do some good work in my current job, but after so many past issues, any slightly unsympathetic look I receive or meeting between my bosses to which I'm not privy -- not that I expect to be -- finds my mind swimming with paranoid, anxious, holy-shit-I'm-fucked thoughts. It's affecting my concentration at work. Is there a focus or a mantra or any way whatsoever to calm the goddamned howlers when this starts up? | lost a lot of jobs due to the precariousness of my profession, and now every last unfavourable moment has me fearful of the bread lines. Help? |
t3_25y8y2 | relationship_advice | I[24F] have a hard time accepting gifts from my boyfriend[21M] | (Not too sure if this is the right place for this thread. Sorry in advance if it isn't.)
I love buying gifts for my boyfriend. Gifts for holidays and just random "thinking of you" gifts. I love to see his face light up.
For some reason, I freak out when he buys me gifts. He likes to give me nice gifts and everytime he tries to surprise me with them, I freak out and ruin everything.
I don't know why I do this. I want gifts. When he shows me the gifts, I feel so happy and excited on the inside. I don't know why I freak out, but I always end up saying things like "take it back" or "I can't accept this".
For example, a few hours ago he tried to surprise me with Backstreet Boys tickets. On the inside I was so fucking excited. But when I responded to his message, I completely ruined everything. I told him I didn't want to go and that I couldn't accept it because I would feel horrible. It led to a huge argument which is still going on right now.
What's wrong with me? Why can't I accept gifts from him? Gifts that I actually want? | I can't accept gifts from boyfriend. I freak out and ruin everything. What's wrong with me? Is there anyway I can fix this? |
t3_f9kvn | AskReddit | Your best crazy line? | So I've seen all over reddit, that the best way to avoid a confrontation is to act batshit crazy. I'm wondering Reddit, what the craziest thing you've heard in this situation? My best one (still not that good I'm sure) happened when I had to pick up a drunk kid on my rickshaw. He started talking shit to me, and yelling racial slurs at people on the sidewalk, so I turned around and told him "I will beat you to within an inch of your fucking life and leave you in a gutter if you don't shut the fuck up." He promptly shut the fuck up. | Reddit says you should act crazy when approached by an aggressor, what's the craziest shit you've heard/can think of in this situation? |
t3_1l9nnq | relationship_advice | [23/F] My boyfriend [23/M] says it's rude to compliment my male friends' muscles | I think charm requires reading what someone (M or F!) is most insecure about or has put the most effort into (like working out hard to have arm muscles, picking out a really nice shirt when they usually don't, a clearly expensive haircut) and letting them know I noticed. I tell my female friends they have a great hairstyle even when I'm jealous and insecure about it because I know it means the world to them.
This weekend, I complimented my formerly doughier guy friend's muscles in his bro tank. I don't even like muscles, but when I see that my male friend has been working hard to gain some noticable arm muscle, it feels really nice to tell him "nice guns!" in a joking sweet manner and have him beam. However, my boyfriend says that all men see this as a come-on, even though they're just friends and I'm not even physically into that trait. He says he wishes he could have muscle definition and so it's mean to compliment it in others. Do I need to stop complimenting men? I'm just trying to show security and good feelings on all! | Complimented a guy friend's muscle definition to be nice, boyfriend says it's not an ok GF thing to do. |
t3_3sdn6w | relationships | I [22M] am depressed when I'm not with my girlfriend [21F] | Hi r/relationships. I have lost all goals and motivation for self-improvement in my life because I have a girlfriend now. Basically everything I did (developing skills, making friends, going out), revolved around the possibility of me meeting a girl and getting laid.
Now I have a girlfriend, but we can only meet once or twice a week. In the time when I'm not with her, I feel horribly depressed and don't know what to do with my life. I can't get other girls (since I don't want to cheat) and I feel no motivation to improve myself any further, since I already have a girl. She's also like a 10/10 in looks and personality to me. I love hanging out and spending time with her, but not being with her makes me feel so horrible inside 4-5 days of the week.
What should I do? | I'm depressed when Im not with my GF and have no hobbies because my hobbies were meant to help me get laid with random girls, which I can't do now since I have a GF. |
t3_2e4f9q | relationships | Me [20 M] with my ex gf [20 F] of 2 years, broke up a few weeks back because she cheated, I feel hollow and I don't know how to move on | My girlfriend of 2 years recently cheated on me (made out with another guy, went to sleep at his house, no intercourse though) and we had a short pause after that, I didn't want to break-up even though all that but she came to the conclusion that she did.
We've been broken-up now for about a month and things are really not getting easier. I still love her with all my heart, and she tells me she does too, but she just doesn't know if she can be in a relationship at the moment. She tells me that she isn't seeing anyone else and things like this, yet she spends time with the guy she cheated on me with (they go to the same school and have the same friends), but she says they have had no physical contact since and that they're only friends. This hurts me the most, because I don't think she's being honest with me, she lied quite a lot about everything before our break-up and I don't really trust her.
Well what I want to know is, how do you move on from something like this? I love her as much as the day we started to date and I don't want to let go, but it seems that I am only hurting myself by having any hopes of us getting back together. But without any hope I feel so hollow, so alone even though I have a lot of friends who are trying to make me feel better. She really was(is) an amazing human being and I've never felt so strongly for anyone. She still tells me she loves me, and that her feelings haven't faded, just that they might be a bit different now. She says she misses me and that I am wonderful, but still she doesn't know if she wants to try again..
What the hell do I do in this situation? I'm losing my mind loving this girl, but I feel like we could be so goddamn happy together, like we used to, if I just got another chance.. | gf cheated, we broke up, I still want her, she is uncertain about her feelings toward me but still tells me she loves me etc, doesn't give me straight answer |
t3_4948y9 | relationships | My(m16) girlfriend(f15) is getting mad at me for talking to other girls | So I just got in a relationship with this girl. She is smart, athletic, funny, beautiful, but jealous. Every time I talk to a girl she gets mad at me, and I don't know how to handle it. She tells me she doesn't want to lose me ,but I always tell her that I'm just talking and nothing is happening.
I really like her but I am getting tired of her constantly asking questions on "why am i talking to that girl" or "who is she". I don't want to end the relationship but want to end this problem. Any advice would be helpful, thanks for reading. | my new gf is getting jealous of me talking to other girls. I don't want to end the relationship but I want to end the problem. Any advice would be helpful. thanks |
t3_fklrc | AskReddit | Please help me and fiancee with a dream wedding | Hello all, sorry for the xpost from r/favors
On December 2, 2010 I was involved in a horrible car accident, news story [here] and [here] In the accident lost my spleen, broke my femur, humerus, 5 ribs, occipital the bone just under my eye. My arm break caused damage on my radial nerve. I also collapsed both of my lungs, flat lined 3 times and lost most of my blood. I was in the hospital 19 days for my recovery.
I know neither news report says this, but it was the other driver hit us. I swerved away from him, but it was too late. My mother suffered broken toes and broken neck points c-2, c-3, and c-4. Thankfully she will have no long lasting physical damage.
One of the first things I remember doing while still in ICU/CCU at the hospital was kicking my girlfriend, Nancy out of the room. I had to ask my sister to help me get a ring for Nancy as I didn't want to die with out her knowing my intentions. Thankfully, I never went down hill and was able to recover and get out of the hospital.
I am proud of my accomplishments that I have done so far, however I am struggling with the fact that I will never be the same person I was once. I am not able to use my left arm for typing, We were both in school when the accident happened, I withdrew for a semester to get better. Nancy withdrew for a while to take care of me and my mother.
I am asking for reddits help with treating my fiancée to a dream wedding. Can you all help me and vote for "Chris and Nancy" with five stars at the [realmaineweddings.com] website? Plus you all get too see my cool luke skywalker splint.. | I was in a bad car accident, had a girlfriend, got her to marry me, now want to treat her to a dream wedding...please vote five stars!!! [realmaineweddings.com]( |
t3_38d9o5 | relationships | I[F] feel weird after over hearing girl [F] hit on my SO[M] while they were outside smoking with another [M] [ALL 20's] | So i was downstairs alone (at a party) decided to open the egress window a bit for air and M and SO were talking about whatever I wasnt really listening. F comes out and hears SO say something about his car racing hobby thing, and F starts saying ,"you need to get yourself a hot girl!" And then SO says something like ,"well i have this ring on my finger..." (It sounds very... Reluctant/sad?) almost as if he wished otherwise) and she pushes it again. Sounds like shes obviously flirting now. And then she says something about how now that hes got his greencard hes good, like he doesnt need me or something?
And then she just kept trying to include herself in the conversations in really sexual ways like M says to F ,"I think I remember you but I dont know where" and F like ,"oh I thought you would remember my mouth" and M's like ,"I didnt think we made out or anything" and F says ,"no for my words!" And its like fucking please we all know you were trying to stir it the wrong way.... they were out there for like 30 mins before this all and I dont even wanna know...
She gave me the absolute death glare when we finally left the house though. She tried to start an arguement with me too after when I complimented her on cleaning the kitchen (she always cleans peoples houses when shes at a party idk why).
It hurt me though how my husband kept going along with all her flirting to him. I dont know if I should bring it up, it gives me a horrible feeling in my gut.
Luckily I told my F friend whose house it is about it and she says F is a huge drama queen and wont be around again, so theres that out of the picture. My friend confronted F and F denied all of it. | F flirted with SO for a good 10 mins that I heard and probably more, he never once mentioned me or tried to stop her from it. I feel kind of hurt, is it worth bringing up to SO? |
t3_323z9f | relationships | Terrible ending to my [22 M] 10 month relationship with my girlfriend [21 F] | I'm a senior in college.
It all started a couple of weeks ago when I went on spring break with my girlfriend and some of our friends. I had been very sick for the previous three weeks which hurt my grades and I was generally down in the dumps about that. But I had recently recovered so I was looking forward to getting away. Unfortunately, my girlfriend and I had had a few bumps in our 10 month relationship up to this point, between fighting and generally growing apart, so we weren't going into break on the best terms. But I still wanted to fight for our relationship.
Well, that dream ended quickly. Very long story short, she finds the first reason to break up with me so she can go get with other guys while I'm stuck there trying to pick up the pieces. We're with the same friends and go to the same concerts, so I end up seeing her hook up with other guys, and I know she was texting one of them about having sex on the beach. She also lied, telling everyone that I hit her, which turned everyone against me. She also tried to get me a rent-a-car back home on the last day so I wouldn't have to ride with everyone else. The ride is 13 hours long.
Since break ended, I've tried to avoid her but I always end up looking at her social media or texting her trying to get answers about what happened. She basically said she wanted to break up with me for awhile and was tired of hurting my feelings. So her way of ending things was to really fuck me over.
I guess what I'm asking here is, what's the best way to move forward? I know I shouldn't have feelings for her after everything's she done to me, but I did love this girl even when she treated me like shit. | emotionally abusive ex ended things while we're on spring break so she could go wild. She made up lies and repeatedly tried to fuck me over. How do I move past this pain? |
t3_1d82g8 | AskReddit | I just found out my SO is an illegal immigrant, what should I do? | So this is kind of a long story.
My SO is a south american woman, she is super cute, really nice, overall the perfect girlfriend. We have been dating for almost 7 months, and for that time she was telling me that she had dual citizenship, but she told me today that she was actually an illegal immigrant. She lied to me about voting, being on jury duty, everything about her immigration status. I would be lying if I said I was not hurt.
She is a productive member of society, never got into any trouble, I am not 100% sure how long she was in this country for, but I know it was at least a few years. I just feel kind of hurt that she did not tell me, but I understand the reason. | My SO lied about being in my country legally, I feel hurt, what do I do? how should i react? |
t3_mt4j1 | AskReddit | What is the best custom music/song radio out there? | Here's what I want:
Type in specific songs and make a playlist and the program find similar songs. Both artists and genre are too broad. I may only like one song from a particular artist, and maybe only certain types from a huge genre.
I've literally tried most of the famous online music radios. Pandora, Slacker, LastFM, Jango, Grooveshark (which I think is going under due to legal claims), etc. Each one I have problems with. Like I said, I don't necessarily want a bunch of songs from one artist or genre, because that's too broad. Plus, If I'm making a playlist, I want music from multiple genres, but not all. Lastfm is cool because it reads your own list of music, but what If I only want specific songs to listen too, not just one genre or artist, but not all of my music either?
I really just want to type in specific songs and a player find me songs similar to them and make a radio station. I don't care about ads.
To give an example: If I want to listen to stuff while I'm running, I may want some rap songs, some house, some pop, hell maybe even some funk. Some music radios have "fitness genres" but they are so broad and play down tempo stuff. And, it's usually only one genre, not multiple. | Essentially, is there a music radio that has quite a bit of customization and is based around songs not artists or genres. I'm very song oriented and want to make playlists that are multi-genre like running or chillout. |
t3_1j9fff | relationships | Some kind of spiritual awakening has left me [m/24] thoroughly confused and lost... Don't know how to move forward with my [F/20] ex. | I recently woke up, and realized that everything is Love. I subsequently lost my shit.
Due to this realization, I no longer identify with jealousy. Monogamy no longer holds the appeal it once did, I feel that, if I am honest with myself, I am capable of loving multiple people, openly.
So I dumped my girlfriend, and began meeting other women. I've been honest and upfront about my views and the way i wan't to live my life with everyone. Some accept me, most (obviously) do not. That is okay.
After about a month, I realized that I still love my ex (seeing as how i love everyone) and wanted to have her as a friend with benefits.
She was open and willing, yet it never felt "right". She's admitted to not feeling for me the way she used to, which is understandable considering how I just dumped her out of the blue.
She has also developed feelings for, and spends a lot of time with, another guy. Strange as it may seem, I am happy for her, so long as this guy makes her happy.
I think the real problem here, is that, despite my "awakening" there is still old emotional patterns which have been causing me turmoil as they arise, and the continued contact with my ex despite feeling good in the moment, only reopens the wound.
At this point, I'm leaning towards cutting contact with my ex entirely.
As for the other women, I've only found one who is totally cool with being in an open relationship (for her own reasons of course) the rest have either been one-night or multiple-night stands, and one has resulted in a platonic friendship.
I don't know how to be both non-monogamous and in love. | I'm an emotional wreck, don't know how to live life in the new paradigm created through some kind of "awakening". |
t3_3530zy | relationships | I [33 M] am having trust issues with my gf [32 F]. Again. How can I learn to trust? | Hi,
My GF of 7 months or so has a huge social circle. Many close friends are men. Some are exes, and some have admitted to wanting to date her. Fine. She's attractive, outgoing, etc. I understand that people will be attracted to her.
She's pretty open about things, too. I usually get updates so I know when she's entering what could be suspicious things. ("I'm going out for happy hour with Rob (her last ex of 5 years). I'll check in after").
We're good, I think. But I'm having a growing feeling of being a naive, over-trusting idiot about this.
Sure, trust your gut right? She seems the "type" to be a cheater. Kind of a party girl in her old days. But ...
I've always had these problems. I'm incredibly suspicious of all my girlfriends, once they become a big part of my life. There's been so many "false positives" and trauma caused by them, that I can't bear to bring up my concerns any more.
That, or they all cheated. I guess that's possible too.
I'm having trouble finding that balance. What do I bring up? What do I swallow and deal with? How do I find out if I'm not adequately trusting, versus her not being adequately trustworthy?
For some more information:
* I've had some very good long-term relationships.
* So has she (she says)
* She claims she never had this kind of static from her boyfriends in the past, that they were more trusting than I am. That makes a lot of sense, I guess ...
* When I met her, she was seeing someone else, and left him to be with me. Maybe I'm paranoid she'll do that to me. | I don't know how to separate what I view as warning signs in *this* relationship from my neurotic BS that I usually feel |
t3_qllua | AskReddit | What is your worst "OH GOD WHY" story? | Preferably something that isn't when you were 5 years old and your mom told you about it.
When I was about 14, me and my best friend, for some reason thought it was time we bought condoms(I know, naive.). He already had sex before with his girlfriend however, I did not, so we went to the pharmacy and get condoms, we bought it together, then we went to a small supermarket to get something to eat and noticed they sold condoms here too but for much cheaper, so my friend had the idea of buying some for himself so he could sell them at 10times the price at his school(Naivety is profitable) so I went with him to the cashier. After all this happened, I just realised that in the eyes of both the pharmacists and the cashier, what they just saw were 2 14 year old kids buying an above average amount of condoms together, probably trying to be open about their homosexuality. OH GOD WHYY?!
Fun fact: I'm 17 and I still have the condoms I bought 3 years ago. Foreveralone.jpeg | Went to buy lots of condoms with friend. Made us look llike we were openly homosexual and trying to tell everyone me and him have sex all the time. |
t3_1smpyy | relationships | I (17M) need an opinion on this girl (17F) I'm thinking about asking out... | She posts a ton of pictures on instagram lately, and she's been filling them up with as many hashtags as possible. She's practically just begging for followers. And when guys comment on her pictures saying she looks beautiful or whatever, she comments saying "Thank you so much ;)" every time. What would you guys say is going on with her? A user? Maybe just insecure? This is probably the wrong place to post this, but I couldn't think of another. I just need help with what kind of impression I should draw from this.
And no comments other than ones that contribute to what I asked, please and thank you :) | I don't really know how to summarize it in an effective way. It's short enough to read anyway, no? |
t3_2k9g0d | offmychest | The middle of depression | Just in case anyone wants to know. I tried seeing a therapist, who agreed that I've got situational depression. It looks like this:
- I'm fine in myself. I love myself, I believe in my skills and what I offer people
- I started working out again, once I got past the sleep-as-escape phase
- I made a list of more skills to learn, just for myself, not for work (like whistling with my fingers, and doing proper pull-ups and learning Italian)
- I lost my job almost a year ago, and no one will hire me. Even though I'm good with money, it's just about gone. This is some scary shit - I might lose my house.
- I'm seeing someone now who I love, but I don't think the feeling is reciprocated. It's confusing and hurtful.
- I spent a lot of my life hanging out with people who really didn't want me around very much - and that's exactly what this whole damn phase feels like.
- I don't know what to *do* to make things better. I can't fucking ruminate anymore, it's a pit of hell.
- I can't move to a city with more prospects, because I'd have to sell a house that is underwater, my kid would hate it, and now I can't afford even the gas money to get out of town.
- it's Friday night, and I'm trying to stave off a panic attack.
If I could get a job, or even just enough money to pay the mortgage next month, I'd feel better. If my lover was reassuring that I'm actually wanted as more than a Saturday night fuck, I'd feel better. If I had any skills that could get me a job, I'd feel better.
It's a joke - what's needed here is truck drivers and nurses. I'm a data analyst. I don't know how to weld, run a cash register, or deal with the public. Sucks to be me. | Unskilled, depressed, not very likable analyst seeks decent job and/or a new marketable skill to learn fast. |
t3_17o6vi | BreakUps | I 30M am confused with 25f behavior, are we to be together or not? | So me 30m and the ex 25f had a good intense six months, then she went to a friends wedding and decided to break up. She said because of the difference in religion it wouldn't work. So all of a sudden 5 months later she calls me at 2am drunk, she had a horrible night, and family member died a week before. We meet,she starts kissing me and telling me she misses me, once she is more sober i send her on her way. I get a message stating that she apologized and she was embarrassed about that night.
Recently we meet up, she talks about how she's going to get married, and how you never know it could be me. Then she tells me about some guy she's talking to, this guy has the same religion as me. I'm obviously upset because she lied about why we had to break up. She knows i'm angry so she keeps trying to squeeze my hand, be nice, oh but that guy doesn't mean anything. So i asked what's the real reason for our split, she say's that we were moving too fast?!? And she was scared, what I don't understand what is she trying to do?
And i realized she had been talking with this new guy since october, has flown out to see him. Yet she still came to see me and got physical. | A wishy washy girl shifting back and forth all the time. What is she trying to do? What should I do? |
t3_22k2wa | relationships | I'm scared I'll fall too deep in love and the timing isn't right but I'm too scared of losing him | Female/17/ duration of relationship - 8 months
I don't want to say anything to him because I dont want to insinuate that I'm anticipating him cheating or for it to insinuate that I want us to break up, but my boyfriend is going to uni in October (he has an unconditional so he definitely IS going - yes it's 6 months away but I can't keep it concealed much longer) and I'm absolutely petrified of falling too deep in love and getting seriously hurt at our break up.
I can't decide whether it's best for me to break up with him NOW rather than leave it for our relationship to develop and me get into things too much...
I am an uber emotional person and I just don't think I can deal with the idea of him being away at uni...his course is 3 years long, too.
I don't want to hold him back, either! I guess I just want what's best for both of us.
But my friend's parents have been together since they were young and her dad was in uni for like 6 years and they're happily married. I know it seems a little bit cynical but I can't imagine that being the case in 'our generation'. I keep going over and over things in my head and I just can't bear to think of losing him, not now, not when he's at uni...
it's so confusing and stupid and I just feel like an idiot. I know that if I mention it to him he'll be absolutely brilliant and be all 'don't be so silly' etc but I can't disregard the nagging doubt in the back of my mind that I'm perhaps being a little naïve.
I honestly do love him so much and I think that's why it hurts so much...I've even considered 'putting myself off' him (which failed miserably)... I just can't and don't want to have to get my head around it all. | He's off to uni, and I'm super insecure about losing him but I don't want to voice my concerns to him because I'll just sound bare stupid |
t3_zhncl | Pets | Help! Can we ever trust our new dog? | Here is the rundown- my boyfriend and I have a 3 year old female husky who we have had since she was 10 months. We take her to the dog park weekly to play and she loves other dogs. She has been lonely since we moved out of a multiple dog home so we adopted another dog a week and a half ago from a shelter. The new dog is a 1.5 yr old shepherd / Rottweiler mix and is the same size as the husky. They get along fine... Most of the time.
3 days after adoption they got into a fight over a bone. Our husky lost the fight (the husky always backs down when faced with other dogs sizing her up). She got 3puncture marks, one of which didn't stop bleeding after over an hour and so after a trip to the emergency vet, she had antibiotics and a cone to wear.
Since adoption we kennel the new dog while we sleep (kennel is in the bedroom) and while we are at work. Husky is not kenneled. They have been fed only in separate rooms. After that fight bones and treats are only allowed while kenneled. The dogs were fine and not agreesive at all after the fight. The new dog is super affectionate to people.
That brings us to tonight. The new dog pretty much attacked our husky again and it appears to have been over nothing physical (no bones or treats around). The scabed wound was opened and she (husky) got another scrape from the fight and was terrified and crying like a baby while shaking after the fight.
So my question is- is it realistic to keep our new dog? I don't see a point in time that we would be able to trust her alone with our husky or sleep with us since we don't trust her. And while it's heartbreaking for me to give up a dog, even a new one, it's also very painful to see our beloved baby get beat up and bleeding by this new dog. | got a new dog, it has attacked our current dog twice to the point of bleeding. Can we recover from this and be a happy family? |
t3_3g8s9j | legaladvice | Law Office Collecting a Debt Will Not Provide a Payment Arrangement Letter/Receipt | I've just recently established a payment arrangement for a charged off debt that went to a law office in Georgia. I request confirmation numbers and typically a letter of confirmation all the time so I can keep it for my own protection. However, this agent working for the attorney states:
> ***"We don't send out confirmation letters or payment arrangement letters as a company policy."***
... Later going on to say that too many people have gotten the letter then bailed on making the rest of the payments. While I understand the frustration, isn't it illegal to not give me a receipt of any kind? I require a letter for the Air Force to show proof of an arrangement. | Can a law office that's collecting a debt choose not to give me any form of letter/receipt for an established payment arrangement? |
t3_2z3cvr | relationships | Me [24 M] and my GF [22 F] tried 1st SEX today & Failed! What went wrong? | We're in a long distance relationship. It's been 4 years since we're in love. We're seeing each other after 3months and got some alone time for about an hour and a half.
We decided this is the right time for the 1st time. Things started getting hot. I got hard but she wasn't wet. So I did some foreplay but I was limp. Then I got hard but she went dry. Then we both got tensed :(
Plus, I think I'm spoiled with porn. Nowadays, I can't masturbate on normal porn. I need extreme/fetish porn. How do I go back?
Back to the topic, I had to throw away the condom I was wearing cuz I got limp. It was a disaster. In the end, we didn't have it. I feel destroyed. Do I have a medical issue? What happened? | We had an hour before her parents came. I got hard when she wasn't wet. I went limp when she got wet. In the end, it didn't happen. What's happening? |
t3_3snyi3 | relationships | Me [30s F] with my friend [30s F] 7 years, she cannot have a functional relationship with men and its stressing me out | I have a friend who I met in graduate school. She is generous to a fault, kind, and a loyal friend. Probably, my friendship with her is the best thing that I got out of my time there.
But she has major problems with relationships. They seem to blow up around her. Not just with men--with colleagues, too. I don't understand it, fully. All I can figure out is that she has little ability to judge or read people, and she deals well with me because I'm straightforward and have similar values to her.
Her relationships with men are a disaster. In the time we've been friends, I've seen her through three abusive relationships (and I'm 99% sure they all were in fact verbally and emotionally abusive).
The last one was a doozy, yet she can't let go of being "friends" with him. Now, she has a serious boyfriend, too--and I cannot tell whether he's another abuser, or her perception about other people's wants or needs is simply very off.
I really care about this friend, and I want to remain friends with her. But her lovelife stresses me out so much. I had an abusive relationship and escaped it, so there's some trauma there. She asks me for advice, but cannot seem to take it fully.
When she was with the last abuser, I put distance between us to survive. But I missed her.
Is there anything I can do to remain friends with this person I care about, yet still protect myself (eta: emotionally)? I don't think there's anything I can say to protect her. | My friend repeatedly gets in abusive relationships, and it causes me a great deal of stress. I don't want to lose the friendship, but don't know how to protect myself (emotionally). |
t3_rdwpd | travel | UNITED return flight delayed 24 hours - no hotel compensation? | My return flight home was scheduled to leave this morning at 6am. Arrived at the airport at 4am to check in. After a few announcements saying the plane had a mechanical issue but by 1pm we should be good to go. I came back to the gate at noon, had to track down a UNITED agent. They said it was now scheduled for 6:45pm.
At about 1pm I received an email saying my ticket had changed. I was now on the same flight tomorrow at 6am. A delay of 24 hours.
Wasn't sure what to do. Could not find a UNITED agent anywhere in the concourse. Called 1-800-UNITED after being on hold for about an hour talked to someone who wasn't too helpful. They confirmed my flight change. I asked about a hotel and he said they would not pay. I asked to speak with someone higher up and he said I could but they would say the same thing.
So after about 12 hours in the airport I left and stayed in a nearby hotel on my own dime. Hopefully making it home tomorrow.
Anyone run into a similar situation? I'm not sure what I would have done if I didn't have my laptop with me and wasn't able to check my email. | Return flight home delayed 24 hrs due to mechanical issues. UNITED will not pay for my hotel. Should they? Tips/Advice? |
t3_y3urt | relationship_advice | I (16 and in HS) just realized that I have feelings for a very good friend (18) who just left for college and is a 4 hour plane ride away | So there is this girl who I have been friends with for about two years now, I would like to say that we are pretty close. Her sister and my friend have been joking around with me about how I must like her, and it started to get me to think. After a lot of thought I decided they were right, unfortunately she has left for college (which is a 4 hour plane ride away) and I am unsure what I should do. I really value the friendship I have with her and I would never want to lose it, but part of me also really likes her and I am not sure if I should tell her or not. I haven't ever really talked to her about dating or anything so I have no idea how she would take it. What should I do? I also forgot to mention that I am 16 and she is 18, and I am still in HS. | Starting to realize I have feelings for one of my very good friends who just left for college today and is a 4 hour plane ride away. |
t3_1e80py | relationship_advice | (18/f) my 19/m coworker is absolutely gorgeous, help me? | Hello there good kind people of r/relationship_advice! I have never been to this subreddit before so please be nice with me...?
Anyways,
There's this guy named Michael who just came back from college to work over the summer, we're both servers at a breakfast restaurant. He is GORGEOUS. Like the whole package; smart, athletic, talented, charming, etc.
However, he knows he is attractive so he can be slightly cocky ? (keep in mind this is a football player who wants to be a pediatric surgeon)
Anybody want to give me advice on how to go about things? Any advice really!
I was going to be all specific and ask the question of "when he asks me to help him with something, is he taking advantage of me and my niceness, or should I not be bothered?" I don't want to come off as desperate, yuck. However, if most of the other waitresses asked me to help them clean, I would gladly say yes! I am just a nice person .__. | I'm awkward. Gorgeous waiter just came back from college to work over the summer. How can I seduce/flirt/not be unappealing? |
t3_473f7v | relationship_advice | [22/M] Is it bad to be wary of starting a relationship with a girl [20/F] who has a bunch of issues? | I'm trying to meet someone, having yet to meet the right person and start any kind of relationship, so I got into online dating. I've struck up conversation with one girl, and things seem good so far. I asked her to tell me a little about her, and she reeled off a bunch of disorders she has, including depression, anxiety, arfid, and that she's waiting on diagnosis for autism and adhd. I'm a student in my final year of uni, and she's unemployed, having dropped out of college (UK college).
Is it bad that I'm cautious about things developing? I'm open to seeing how things go, but those disorders make me nervous that if I meet someone else, it'll affect this girl fairly negatively.
Sorry to bother you guys, just wanted to sound things out, and see if I'm being overly skittish. | Girl I met online and am chatting to has a bunch of disorders that make me worry if i break things off she'll be hit pretty hard. Should I continue down this road? |
t3_4g9164 | relationships | I [27 M] read my GF's [26 F] diary. Got depressed by what I read about me | My GF and I have been living together for almost a year now. I'm happy, and until a few hours ago I had no reason to believe she wasn't happy as well. We've always encouraged having an open dialogue, and lately she hasn't let me know of anything about our relationship that needs fixing.
Now, some of my biggest insecurities have always been that I don't have a ton of friends, and that I don't take a lot of initiatives. That I'm "boring" and "safe". Bit of an introvert, really.
I do enjoy going out for drinks every now and then, and I never say no to any social event if I can help it. But nearly my entire social circle were friends with my GF before we even met. I had very little "new" to offer her in that regard.
On to my reading her diary. Yes, I know it was wrong, but what's done is done. I was skimming the last few pages looking for my name, and when I saw it, my heart sank.
This is how it read: "Feeling so distanced from OP right now. Lonely, even. I'm in love with him, but maybe that's not enough? Maybe we won't make eachother happy? Maybe I should look for someone who helps me step outside my comfort zones more?"
Basically confirming my fears. To retiterate, I've never said "no" to any exciting event with her ever (because I'm so self conscious about being perceived as boring). But I haven't taken a lot of initiatives either.
My question to you is: where do I go from here?
Can I ever get it out of my head that I'm not her first choice? Is her mentioning "*looking for someone else*" (albeit not actively) a dealbreaker? | GF has negative feelings towards me that she's not communicating. Is this relationship a disaster waiting to happen, or is it salvageable? |
t3_553ogv | relationships | How can I [19F] stand out from other girls so I can get my crush [21M] to notice me more | So I haven't seen this guy IRL yet but we have been talking through social media, snapchat and whatsapp mostly. I really like him but i'm not sure does he like me as much. He says i'm cute and he really really wants to meet me. He also said a couple weeks ago that he has a little crush on me. But now he's been more silent. He hasn't talked to me so much I feel like i start every conversation. I don't know if he speaks to other girls also but i really want him to notice me more. How can i stand out from the others? I'm going to see him in a week but i need help to stand out in social media and IRL. Can you help me? | He hasn't talked to me as much as he used to, i want to stand out from others and make him think about me like a potential gf |
t3_4t3tbu | personalfinance | Do I take a 25% hit in pay to make the move to a commission-focused career? | Hi everybody - I've got a dilemma here that's keeping me up (literally...4 AM and can't sleep.)
I am currently in software sales (consider this job 'A') and am paid with a base salary + a bonus (which I never miss,) making $47,000 last year in total. On average, my pay has been 46% higher throughout this fiscal year. I'm highly regarded at my company, which is a small business that's one of the fastest growing in the country. Let's assume I make just south of $70,000 this year. This job is 12 miles from my home and my commute is approximately 45 minutes each way.
I was offered a job at a staffing firm with a base salary of $50,000 and uncapped commission, which I *will not receive* my first year with this company (job 'B'.) Most people at job B are making 6 figures by their 3rd year, and top performers are making 6 figures in their second year. This job is in downtown DC, and the cheapest parking available is $265 a month (public transportation would only save me the cost of gas, but would be approximately the same per month otherwise.) My commute with this job would double to 1hr 30mins, and I would need to be at work half an hour earlier and stay half an hour later.
My cost of living this year will increase as I'm moving into an apartment (today) on my own with a rent payment of 1160/mo before utilities. I previously had roommates, and spent less than 15% of my income on my housing. I do not have time to move closer to job B this year. Job A incurs no additional costs aside from the cost of gas - parking is free as it is in a less urban environment. | do I take a pay cut this year to transition into a job with uncapped commission starting *next year* that would raise my cost of living fairly significantly. |
t3_2mwwt8 | relationships | Me [21F] with my family [50M/49F/18M] I feel like I don't actually love them. Normal? | Basically I'm not an emotional person to begin with but I don't feel like I truly love my family or anyone like I should? They've never done anything to upset or hurt me (besides typical parent stuff) and I'm on good terms with them all but... I just don't feel like I can fully love them.
I always hear families are supposed to have unconditional love. That I should die for them if I had to, that I should do everything I can to support and help them. And idk what else but honestly... I just kinda view them as people that raised me and help me out. I know they love me so so so much, but I just feel normal back.
I just don't know if this is normal or possible to not actually love your own parents. Or maybe it's just a different love that I don't consider 'real'. Help explain? | Parents are caring and love me, but somehow I don't feel the same. I don't love them how I imagine I should. I just feel they're people who raised me and support me. Help? |
t3_2z5t5p | relationships | How do I [19M] argue against someone [19M] who considers the fact that i have a counter argument evidence that i don't let other people have an opinion. | I have a friend I've known for a long while, really great guy all around, love having him around except for one quality. I can't have a serious debate or discussion with him unless i back-down from my point. Anytime i engage in a discussion, or debate where opposing views are present we essentially exchange arguments back and forth until eventually he deems i don't let anyone have an opinion simply because i feel as if i haven't been presented with enough evidence to change my view. Essentially i can't have an argument with him unless i either back-down, change my view completely, or let him have the last word. If i stand my ground and even deny saying that i do that, he deems my non agreement as further evidence that i don't let people have an opinion.
This leaves me in the situation where anything but accepting his opinion is evidence of me having to always be right. The problem is he'll argue he up until that point. So up until the point he deems i'm having to "always be right" he's arguing just as aggressively as me. He's doing exactly what i'm doing than plays the card. I enjoy having intelligible conversations, i enjoy casual debate and like having it. But i feel as i can never have an opinion with this guy on anything, i can't discuss anything with him unless it aligns with his views. I wouldn't care if it wasn't for the fact i feel as if my point instantly becomes void anytime he brings it up and my opinion suddenly means shit. As if he's completely shutting out my side of the argument based off. I don't really feel heard or taken seriously when he plays this card and i'm not sure how i can talk to him about this without my concern just being treated as further evidence toward his point. How can i tell him what it's like being on the other side of this? | How do i debate with a friend who deems when he sees fit the pure existence of my argument as evidence towards me not letting the other person have an opinion. |
t3_3zb4ks | relationships | Me (25 M) and wife (21 F) just found out she had a previous relationship with another guy and I didn't know till I got married. Need advice. | I come from a traditional religious family and our marriage was set up by our parents. We spent almost 4 to 5 months before our marriage talking to and understanding each other. When talking about previous relationships, I disclosed that I was in a relationship but nothing physical and she absolutely denied about having any relationships previously. Now after marriage, she recently talked about a guy she was dating for about a year but she was still a virgin and only made out. I was completely taken aback. She says she left him because her parents did not agree and he was emotionally abusive to her over a point of time. She says she even forgot how he looks and doesn't remember anything.
I feel let down and all the moments we spent before marriage seems fake to me. I asked her why she couldn't tell because we talked multiple times about it and she said her friends had asked her not to disclose to me until after marriage.
My problem is I am not able to feel the same love and feelings I had for her, she had such an intense feeling for him and I am not able to come to terms when she says she loves me. I am struggling to accept it and I need advice on how to take this scenario positively and move on in life since we are only in the start of our new relationship and I want it to last forever. | Me and my wife, newly married. She just disclosed about previous relationship. I dont feel the same love and affection all of a sudden. I am struggling how to accept it and I need advice to move on. |
t3_17rtbj | Pets | My cat attacks me in the mornings when she's hungry - how do I make her stop? | I recently adopted two cats from a rescue center. One is apparently 2 years old, and the other is a 10 week old kitten (was 6 weeks when I got her). Initially, the kitten would jump on me and bite me every morning to wake me up because she was playful/hungry. This was annoying, but thankfully she stopped doing it after about a week and a half. However, now the cat has started doing it. And she actually really hurts. She burrows into my sides and scratches and bites me until I get up to feed her. I tell her 'no', but it doesn't really do much. I've also got a spray bottle on hand, but find it hard to actually catch her in the act, as reaching out for the bottle distracts her and she stops biting. I'm also hesitant to use the spray bottle because, along with scratching and biting, she also rubs up against me and lies next to me, which is something she never normally does, as she's not very affectionate. I don't want to teach her that being affectionate is bad, but I do want her to stop biting and scratching.
I'm losing so much sleep because of this it's driving me crazy. I can't lock them in another room at night because I live in a one-room studio flat. The only room besides the main room is a very small bathroom, and I would feel terrible confining the cats to this tiny room every night.
Does anyone have any thoughts? | Cat attacks me in the morning for food and I don't know how to make her stop, short of locking her in a tiny bathroom at night which I really don't want to do |
t3_11l89a | relationships | My GF's father just passed away and her mother is receiving the entirety of his inheritance (no will) - but they've been separated for ten years. | I'm male and 20, and my girlfriend is also 20. Our relationship is stellar. Her mother is the problem at the moment.
For readability, I'll be referring to my girlfriend as "G", her father as "F" and her mother as "M".
Background:
My girlfriends parents separated 10 years ago, but M and F did not formally divorce. Both have remained a part of G's life. M and F had 2 daughters, my girlfriend being the older of the two.
M has been with another man for the majority of the last ten years. M and F have had very minimal contact during this time.
Fast forward:
My girlfriend's father passed away last month. Because they were still legally married, M is his next of kin apparently. Searching his apartment, M could not find a will. She only recently discovered he had life insurance.
F's bank won't give his money ($600) to M, and will only give it to G and her sister. The problem is that M is telling them to give her the money, since she is behind in rent and took the family out to dinner after the funeral.
F also received a pension, 75% of which will now be received by M. She should give that to her daughters but G does not trust her to do that.
And now M discovered F had life insurance, which she will likely receive. Don't have many details on this.
In addition, M is currently going through F's apartment and gathering together his things so that she can donate them all, when G wants to go through it first. This is mostly for sentimental purposes, but G and I intend to move in together soon, so her father's furniture is very valuable to us.
I know when you live together for ten years, you become common-law partners, but once separated for ten years, do you become common-law divorced? | My girlfriend and her sister are entitled to their inheritance, but their mother is getting it all because she did not divorce their father. We don't trust her to give it up. What can be done? |
t3_2ry99s | relationships | An ex (22m) made a move on me (21f), what's it mean? | We were together for about 5 months. We never officially said we were boyfriend or girlfriend, but we hung out a lot, we were intimate with each other, and very open and friendly.
Long story short, 5 months later I go to pick up my stuff that he had. I've moved on at this point, he broke things off with me, and while it was painful I still knew it was for the best.
Continuing:
He invited me in, said he wanted to see how I was doing. I genuinely felt happy to speak with him, and hear that he was doing well. However, while we were talking he made a move on me. Really abruptly too. It caught me off guard, and I was a little uncomfortable.
What does that mean? Does he still like me? Why would he break things off and risk cheating on his current gf? Sometimes I just wonder what he wanted out of me or even thought of me. Does he respect me at all? | My ex made a move on me (currently has a gf). How do I respond? Does he respect me at all? What does it mean? |
t3_13u82r | jobs | When is it worth it to change companies? | I did some searching going back ~12 months but didn't find an absolute answer.
Current Job:
I am in outside sales with a well known company in my industry. Company is publicly traded and employs about 10,000 people. I've been with the company 5 years, in sales for 3, and now **make about $62k/year after commission/bonus etc**. Within about 2 more years my boss indicated that he has me pegged to move up in the ranks which would put me in the $90k range.
New Job:
I have an offer for a similar outside sales position in a similar industry. The company is smaller and privately owned but has been around for 50 years and is well known in the industry as well. They employ about 400 people. **The offer on the table is a guaranteed first year $72k** with 2-3 year potential of about $100k.
Both jobs have expense account, phone, laptop, company car etc.
So at what point does the money make it worth changing companies and industries? Is a 15% increase justified? Should it be 25% instead?
We have a kid on the way and I'm looking for more earnings so my wife can stay at home. Otherwise, I love the position I'm currently in. | Is it worth leaving a job that I know I like for a job I'm unsure of in order to net $10k more a year? |
t3_1ibku2 | needadvice | Need life advice: need a job, but no one's hiring me. What do I do? | I've been really scared to ask this on Reddit, mainly because no one likes accepting defeat, but we're really in a pickle and I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do. May as well give you background info:
My husband is 24 and applying for disability for an extremely bad hip. "Hurts to walk" kind of bad hip. We're told this could take up to a year long process. (Ultimate goal is to get the hip FIXED since he wants to work)
We have 2 kids, 2 year old and a 3 month old. The 3 month old exclusively breastfeeds and it would break my heart to stop breastfeeding her (long story) if I got a job. Plus, my husband would have to bring her to me which isn't really doable since he has no license and if I got a job somewhere closer to home, he can't walk much. Side note - I do not produce with a pump for some stupid reason.
I need a job to pay bills, but everywhere I've ever applied, I either don't get a call for an interview OR I make it to the interview and they tell me I'm overqualified. It is very discouraging, especially since I just want to pay bills, I won't ask for a higher wage just because I have a degree in accounting.
I am an avid quilter. Love it, and make some pretty nice things, if I do say so myself. As a last resort since no other job is turning up, I'm thinking I need to try and sell stuff I make but kind of doubt anyone will buy from me since there are so many other people that sell stuff they make. Wondering if this could pay the bills until something comes along. | In a world where a job is hard to come by, I need to hear uplifting stories of people who found a job when they needed it most, so I don't lose hope. |
t3_2qtl6h | relationships | Me [30 M] with my potential friend [28 F] who was cheated on, with my good friend [31 F] as the "other woman" | My good friend [31F] and I are in an outdoors club (hiking, boating, that sort of thing) together. Last year, she was the other woman in an affair. Because I'm her good friend, she would tell me all about it. I tried to convince her that she probably shouldn't get involved in infidelity, but in the end, it's her life and her choices to make. She would tell me how her guy really didn't want to be in the relationship with his crazy, batshit girlfriend, and was just playing for time (of course). The affair lasted about a year.
Since then, "crazy, batshit insane girlfriend" has not only joined our club, but taken a leadership position, and is not as crazy and batshit as advertised. In fact, she's really sweet and *loves* my friend and is trying to be friends with her. Awkward. But even more awkward is that she is in fact good-natured, smart, and independent, and I'd like to be her friend myself (I don't want to date her or anything; I have a relationship of my own that is doing just fine).
But now through really no fault of my own I have this big secret that at first had nothing to do with me. Now it has something to do with me. Telling her the secret would destroy the club at this point, and I don't really want to anyway, since it's not my place. But it seems she's likely to find out somehow, from someone, at some point, at which point it will be clear that I knew the whole time.
I want to be her friend, though, and want to see the club survive this. What would you do? | Batshit GF of friend's affair partner is not so batshit after all, we're becoming friends, but she will eventually find out about the affair, and that I knew about it. What to do? |
t3_51i6zd | relationships | I [29F] want to use an egg donor for any children my husband [30M] and I have, but he is very against the idea and we're at odds | I've been with to my husband John for eight years, and been married for three. We have a wonderful relationship, we're both successful in our careers, and we live in a nice safe area, so we've been talking about having children soon.
I definitely want children and so does he, but I don't really want to pass my genes on. I'm not infertile, but I have some physical issues that are genetic as well as a massively increased risk of all gynecological cancers and endometriosis(every woman in my maternal line has gotten uterine/ovarian cancer except for my mother, but she had endometriosis), depression (me, both parents, two grandparents), dementia, glaucoma, and alcoholism(my mother and grandfathers, who all died from it). I would honestly not want to burden any child of mine with these issues, so I started looking into egg donation and brought it up to John. He immediately rejected the idea and refused to even talk about it, saying that I was overreacting and there were so many things about me he wanted to pass on. I know any children conceived with another woman's eggs will not be my genetic children, but they will be my children nonetheless and I would love them as much as a genetic child. John refuses to even entertain any conversation about this, and it's putting a massive strain on our marriage. | My husband and I want to start having children soon, but I have many severe genetic diseases in my family and would like to use a donor's eggs to conceive. My husband refuses to talk to me about this or hear me out. |
t3_2iaz3d | relationships | I (19/M), want to convert my 2 year old relationship with my (19/F) Gf into an open one. | So my girlfriend end and I have been together for a little over two years now, since the end of high school. We just moved together from a very small town, to a huge city to attend university. We're attending different Uni's, but are living together in an apartment. Since we've been together so long, we've each only had sex with each other. We get along great, and love spending time together, but there's only one problem: We both want to have sex with other people.
We've always wanted to. We've taken small breaks in the past, where we'd try to hook up with other people, but we always end up back together. In the early stages of our relationship I cheated on her with a random girl from my high school, and I hate to admit it but it felt amazing. The girl could simply do things that my girlfriend couldn't, and don't even get my started on how thrilling it was. About a month after I did it my conscience kicked in and I told her. At first she seemed devastated, but it was a long time ago and since then I've worked hard to rebuild our trust.
Since we've been together for so long we're both very honest with each other, and both openly admit that we want to try it. We're both worried that it could tear us apart, because we're not sure we could handle the though of the other sleeping with someone else. But the thought of staying monogamous any longer seems even more stressful. So on to my question; is it possible to go from a long term monogamous relationship to an open one? And if so what sort of rules should we put in place? Should we limit ourselves to one other person each? | We both want to try an open relationship, but we're not sure of the logistics involved (jealousy, number of partners, flirting, ect). |
t3_1ubnqo | relationships | Me [24/F] with my significant other [27/F] of 5 months, disagreement on one-time drug use. | I've been in a relationship with an incredible woman for 5 months. We're very like-minded and have an overall healthy relationship with a lot of give, take, and compromise. There's one issue that we don't see eye-to-eye on, though.
When we first started dating, she told me she was opposed to drug use. (It was one of her deal-breakers). Perfect for me because I'm not interested in it, and I've had bad past experiences with drug-using significant others. (He consistently chose the drug (pot) over me).
The topic has come up twice that she'd like to try LSD once and only once, just to see what it's like. Both times it's really upset me because I'm afraid that she'll wind up hooked, seeing flashbacks, that her personality will change forever, that she'll have a bad trip, or any number of bad things.
The conversation ended both times with her saying that she gets that I'm worried but having the experience is important to her for her work (she's an artist). She assured me that it's not something she wants to do right now, but once she's got a steady job and stability in her life.
I think I might be too fearful/overreacting considering that this isn't even on her radar to try soon, but it really bothers me that she would continue to want to do this even though it upsets me so much.
For what it's worth, on every other issue that comes up she's a wonderful listener and extremely considerate of my worries/fears/anxieties which are numerous. This is literally the ONLY thing we don't see eye to eye on. The dialogue has also been very respectful. | S.O. wants to try LSD once at an undisclosed point in the future. This scares/upsets me but she says it's important to her that she try it once. |
t3_1yvg50 | AskDocs | Year long sore throat | 21 year old male living in Washington State. I've had a sore throat for nearly a year now, since last April. I've smoked cigarettes since I was 17, about 3 cigarettes a day on average. I quit when I first got the sore throat thinking it was just another cold and would be a good opportunity. Stayed quit until a month or two ago but quitting again because the pain flared up bad this past week, everyone's sick with sore throats and whatnot so I'm not too worried.
So basically it all started last April. I got the sore throat, two weeks later I go to my doctor and tests me for strep: negative. Wait it out for couple more weeks and notice a new pain but in the neck, specifically on the right side and if I bury my finger into my neck I can actually feel the small rice-sized knot that is very painful to the touch. Tell my doctor and he orders a CT scan and they find nothing, left with a $2,000 bill for nothing. Pain continues for a few months, small pain rice comes and goes and moves around to the left side every once in a while. 5 months or so of sore throat I see the doctor AGAIN and he sends me to an ENT specialist and he sticks a camera up my nose and down my throat - says it's red and irritated but no tumor. Tell him I sometimes get heart burn and tells me to take some over the counter stuff and come back in a month. Get $200 bill from them and tell them to cancel my next appointment, ruining me financially. So, here I am today nearly one year of the same sore throat. Anything in the medical books about this? I feel like a year of untreated cancer I would have noticed more severe symptoms so I can rule that out right? | Sore throat for almost a year, had CT scan and a camera down my throat and only see redness. Mild heartburn sometimes but nothing too severe. |
t3_mpm1w | AskReddit | Any music therapists, or people with insight into music therapy, I need your help!! | I am currently in college getting my General Ed. and am extremely interested in majoring in music therapy. I LOVE music and performing (I sing, play piano/guitar) and It has been my dream to go to Berklee school of music to major in vocal performance, but alas reality kicked in and I figured I should go to school for something that has a more realistic exiting job. I also currently work as a Special Ed Classroom Assistant and LOVE my kids. I am very passionate about both music and working with special ed kids and feel like being a music therapist would combine the two nicely. I have already thought hard about becoming a teacher, but just can't do it because the stresses that come from budgets, pressures from superiors, lack of funding, and standards having to be met, not to mention California's the lack of open jobs would out weigh my love for the kids..
My questions are: what is it like to be a music therpaist? What are the pro's and con's, what kinds of facilities do you work at? what is the pay like? Is it hard to find a job?
I've been researching it on the web for a while, but I figured I would come here in hopes to get a first hand account of what it's like. I just don't want to spend the next few years of my life dedicated to learning this just to find out there are no open jobs, or even worse I to learn that hate what I do.. | I'm thinking of majoring in Music Therapy but want to know the pros/cons, salary, personal experience, stories, or any helpful insight about the job, so I don't graduate and find out I hate the job. |
t3_3ql7h5 | relationships | I(19F) told my Boyfriend(21M) my friend's voice (20M) soothed me. Did i fuck up? | One of my oldest friend is an independant artist. I've been listening to his music since i was 16. For some reason i listened to him when i was sad and it soothed me. It was seriously like magic the moment i hear his voice my heart feels less heavy, i forget what's upsetting me. It has now become a habit, if i'm sad i listen to his voice. I was crying over a stupid failed exam i had worked my ass off for and when my boyfriend came to visit me my friend's music was on blast in my room. He wanted to change music at one point and i told him that i needed friend's music to stay on as his voice soothed me. I don't get that when he talks to me but whenever he sings i feel at peace. However my boyfriend is now hurt because i said another man's voice soothed me. He thinks it's not far from emotional cheating. When i listen to my friend's music i don't even realize it's my friend, it's just like any other musician to me. My boyfriend is hurt and i wonder if i fucked up? I know emotions aren't always rational but isn't he overreacting?
Boyfriend and i have been together a year. I don't like crying in public and struggle to share my burdens so he had never been a witness to this weird habit i have. | My friend is a singer and hearing his voice sooths me. My boyfriend is hurt because of it. Did i fuck up? |
t3_wobox | AskReddit | I'm glad my step-daughters biological father is dying cancer. Am I a bad person? | Glad isn't the best word, but it is the closest word. I should have said I have no negative feelings that this is happening.
I've gone though a log of stuff with my wife, but nothing quiet affected me as my step-daughters bio father deciding that he wanted to be in her life again.
I wanted to adopt her when I marred my wife. My wife has nothing but negative stories about this guy. My 6 year old daughter has undergone hundreds of hours of therapy to cope with this. And her bio father tries to buy her affection by sending her home with a metric ton of toys each time she visits. My daughter comes home crying saying she doesn't like it there she doesn't like going and she misses Mom and Dad. (She calls me Dad, I've been around for most of her life). She says that she doesn't want him as a Dad.
About 1 year into his visitations with her he gets cancer. He gets treated it comes back. He gets treated it comes back. We just got word that he is now on his death bed and refuses more chemo. His mom shows up at my house today to inform me how he doesn't want to see her anymore due to his condition. I'm fine with this. She is on the verge of a breakdown on my porch and I nary a feeling.
So here I am Reddit, thinking back on today's events. This guy has been such a big part in my life the past while. He should have played a huge roll in my daughters life. He is dying of cancer. And I have will to feel bad for this guy. In a few months I will be able to adopt my daughter. I won't have to worry about his family showing up to harass us. I won't have to worry about my daughters mental well being.
Does this make me a bad person? | Daughters biological father is dying of cancer and I'm not saddened in anyway about it. Am I a bad person? |
t3_17y2bt | AskReddit | Hey reddit, what's your average day like? You can get reddit gold out of this! | Firstly, let me say this is for an assignment! This is for my university SY102 course and I will be using one or two of these answers in my log. Also feel free to message me personally.
**I DON'T WANT ANSWERS FROM CANADA, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, OR EUROPEAN COUNTRIES**. Sorry.. Since I live in Canada, answers from people in these areas would most likely be quite similar to my own. The more "foreign"/different the better, please!
Here's the assignment:
>The idea is to contact online a fellow student (**university/college**) in a foreign land, and to learn about their daily life as a student. You would like your opposite number to tell you exactly what they did over the course of the next two or three days. You don't want to swap generalities but details of actual activities: for example, if they watched TV, what programs they watched. You are particularly interested in what they ate and how often, where they live (at home, in residence), how they get around, how much time they spend on different activities (like studying, hanging out, partying, working, etc). The idea is to see how different from or similar to your daily life as a student theirs is. | What do you do in a regular day, in full and in detail? For a sociology paper and best answer(s) will be used and given reddit gold for their time. The more different from Canadian life the better!* |
t3_1yqsyp | relationships | My friend (20/F) is way too into this dude (22 M) he has a girlfriend she doesn't know about? should I tell him that she likes him? | My friend is into this dude we'll call Alex. I am friends with both of them. My friend is getting obsessive and keeps falling harder and harder.
Alex has a girlfriend, but they don't want anyone to know they're dating. They've asked me not to tell.
I don't want to tell her he's dating someone and that she should back off because she'll confront him about it.
Should I tell him that she's into him, so he can avoid her/give her some space until she's stopped liking him? She goes to his place of work, she thinks there's hope, she's constantly obsessing about him. I want to intervene and end this so she doesn't get hurt or waste anymore time on this boy. | Should I tell my friend that another one of my friends is into him, so he'll avoid her and she'll stop being so obsessed and hopefully this will prevent future heart break? |
t3_1n0m0k | relationship_advice | I (21 F) have a big crush on my co-worker (24 M) and I'm not sure how to approach him | So I have been working at this department store for about two years. About a year ago, I met this guy named Steven. We didn't really talk much but he was a super nice and funny person to talk to. I didn't even realize that I liked him until he asked me out on a date. We had a great time and went on a few more though we never went as far as hand holding.
One night we were on a date and he asked me what I thought of him and what this could turn into. I told him that I liked him back but I was moving to college and I didn't want to do that to him in case I couldn't come back every weekend. He reluctantly agreed. I definitely felt regret after saying that to him.
At my going away party, he came and gave me a card which I unfortunately couldn't read due to my mother throwing it out. I asked him what he wrote and he said don't worry about it.
Almost a year has past and I'm back at that same job and he's still there. While we can't talk as much as we used to because he's a shift leader of his own department, we have decent conversations even if they're short.
I really want to ask him to hang out with me but I don't even know how to approach him about it. I have a mild case of anxiety so whenever I consider on what to do, I feel a mild anxiety attack going on. I know the worst he can do is say no and I really want to know how to do it or else I feel like I constantly wonder, "what if?" | Dated a co worker for a bit in the past and I want to know to ask him out without psyching myself out. |
t3_2iyc1k | relationships | Update - I'm[24M] in an LDR with GF[23F] of 6 years. I have a fantastic opportunity but it'll extend my stay abroad. | [Link to the original post here](
Guys, you gotta help me. Especially you LDR experts.
Basically, we decided that this is an amazing opportunity and that I have to take it. The money is simply too good and we'll never have to worry about that in the future. We've even decided to get an amazing new apartment once I'm back.
On the other hand, the tears haven't stopped. She's stressed at school, I'm missing out anniversary for the second time and I can't make it to her brother's wedding.
I want to be there with her so badly. I feel terrible because she's miserable because of me.
I want to ask her to marry me. Actually, I've actually picked out the perfect ring. Its ridiculously expensive but money's not a problem now. Now I don't want to do this over the internet.
I'm afraid that in her misery she might leave me now and with the engagement, I'll have trapped her into a marriage she might not want. I want to marry her. But she might be reevaluating her options now and maybe she'll break up which is why I do not want to propose. This is me being cynical but the thought has crossed my mind.
She's on a downward spiral and everytime I hear or see her, she's sobbing.
How can I help her ? | Took the job with GFs consent, but she is extra miserable now. I feel like a piece of shit for doing this to her. |
t3_38zmxi | tifu | TIFU by hooking up with a girl | Sadly this was not today, but 11 months ago. I was reminded about it by dislocating my shoulder attempting to grab onto something.
Flashback 11 months ago, I had just gotten back from a trip to Washington DC where I had met a pretty cool girl, who happened to be somewhat attracted to me, just like I was to her. We lived 2 hours apart so we didn't want to date, however, dirty texting seemed perfectly fine to us. It was decided that I would drive up to her place (she has a condition not allowing her to drive), and we would hang out for the day. It started pretty innocently, playing a bit of video games, her asking me to "show my skills" on guitar, but, well, we got mildly horny.
So we started to make and eventually things started to get heavier. Welcome to fuck-up #1. I was using one arm to hold our body weight. Which is bad as I have multi-directional shoulder instability in both shoulders. With her kinda around my neck and one arm, my left arm holding us, well, I dislocated my shoulder. Ouch. She popped it back in but we regressed to just making out for around another 45 minutes. Things get heavy again, and we are starting to, ya know, do the frick frack, and she hears her grandmother arrive. We scramble to get clothed, and we arrive at fuck-up #2. We rush downstairs to avoid suspicion, at which point I fall down her stairs ([Kinda like this, except the stairs are smaller, steeper, and have a turn.] dislocating my shoulder again, landing about 10 feet in front of her grandmother.
At this point, I'm tired, blue-balled, and in a fair amount of pain, all while making small talk with a 60 year-old woman.
After I left things cooled down between us, but we are still pretty good friends. | Got more or less laid, dislocated my shoulder twice, got blue-balled, made small talk with a granny. |
t3_1c9ukp | relationships | my GF[22] and I[m24] are going through an "un-sexy" stage... I could really use some advice? | We have been together for less than a year, we started living together after around 3 months, and I love her very, very much. Like "she could be the one" material here.
However since around 4 months ago now, she hasn't been feeling sexy. I on the other hand have been leaking at the seams with hornyness.
We've disscussed it three times now. The first two times she didn't really open up, understanderbly...its personal! But I talked to her again about it last night and she revealed that she has a lot to think about in her life and sex doesn't really seem important.
I told her it is important for me, as dry spells lasting upwards of 2 weeks leave me horney as hell, and just being rejected all the time sends me straight to the shower for a "personal pick me up ;)". I told her all this and she confided that she also masterbates maybe once every 3 days. I said that if this happens on a regular basis that we both just go off and masterbate solo...I can see the passion dieing, and its passion for me that underlines everything.
Sorry for the uber long rant, what I'm really looking for is peoples opinions on whether this is normal, what you think I can do to rekindle this still young flame of a relationship, and as a bonus, what are some ways I can help her take her mind of the important things, if only for 30 minutes...
THE FACTS: she's a student, chinese, living in uk on student visa, studying her m.a, wants to study phd. I'm an aspiring designer working in IT currently. She said its not me, she doesnt feel sexy AT ALL. for anyone. | The girl I love has stopped feeling sexy early on, and we sincerely love each other. How can I make her to want to have sex again? |
t3_ea4pe | AskReddit | Fight Club for 6 Year Olds? | Every day during my lunch break, I walk by either a day care center or a school (not sure which) where the children are playing outside on their playground under the supervision of their teenage to early twenty year old supervisors. Today, as I was walking past i noticed that the kids were in a circle, with two kids standing in the middle in sort of a wrestling type hold trying to take one another down. The kids in the circle were chanting for Charlie, one of the children, to 'take (the other kid) down.' Outside the circle were two of the supervising 'adults' just looking on in amusement. Then as soon as one of the kids would take the other down to the ground they would switch the kids in the middle (there was no punching or kicking from what I saw, just different forms of wrestling take downs).
This event definitely made me feel weird, but I did not really comprehend what was going on until I left the scene. By the time I got to my car and was driving past ten minutes later, this was still happening! I really could not believe my eyes. I don't know if I should say anything, but I really feel like if my kids were attending this place I would not want them engaging in any sort of violent activities such as this. Should I go into the place and ask to speak to a manager and let them know what was going on? | Witnessed a supervised fight club for six year olds at a local daycare/school. Should I say anything to management? |
t3_19f7qc | relationship_advice | Advice Needed: I [16/M] am trying to have my first kiss. Trying it out with girl who is in to me but I am not in to. I'm pretty certain I can make it happen, but what do I do afterwards? | So here's the thing. While living in Ireland and attending an Irish secondary school, there is no bigger stigma than being someone who is 'a frigdit' i.e someone who has never kissed (or in ireland, 'shifted') someone. After being very socially awkward, lacking in confidence and being self-conscious, it is only now at age 16 that I'm beginning to come out of my shell and actually talk to girls. After asking a few girls whom I liked over the past few months for, 'the shift', I have been met with rejection each time. Keeping "beggars can't be choosers" in mind, I decided to lower my standards a bit to a girl that I'm almost certain I have a chance with, however do not really have feelings for. So after the past week of chatting to her, trying to work something out, I have been thinking, what do I do afterwards? I have no real intention of continuing in a relationship with this girl after the shift, but due to my lack of experience, I have no idea what to do. Any help would be much appreciated. | Looking for first kiss, trying with a girl I do not have feelings for. Don't know how to proceed after the shift. |
t3_2yrted | relationships | My[20M] ex [20F] of two weeks is going another date with the same guy. | So we broke up, still friends all was good and easy we talked about people we were interested in and had crushes on which I was okay with but this guy she said she wasn't interested in is going on another date with her somewhere we used to go eat. I was okay with her dating but that was fucked up to me and my heart sank when I heard that which I wasn't really expecting. She changed all g and I didn't and we stopped working out long story short and she wanted to remain good friends which I was good with. I still miss her now and again but not too much. Her doing this just kinda made me realize how little I mean anymore. I genuinely want her to be happy so I'm not gonna say anything but I can't sleep and my chest feels so heavy. Help. | ex of two weeks invited guy out to dinner somewhere we used to go. Mutual break up all was good till I heard that. We are generally open about dates and crushes but I feel heart broken again. |
t3_42811q | relationships | Me [26 M] with my GF[24 F] 4 years, is extremely short tempered and gets angry at me for seemingly nothing | My Gf and I have been together for 4 years. The majority of the time she's amazing. But ever since I can remember she's had a short fuse. It is often triggered by minor occurrences like her phone freezing and the refrigerator door not closing. These often lead to tantrums and her yelling at me. When the refrigerator wouldn't close, instead of looking inside to see what was blocking it, she repeatedly slammed it open and close and got angry at me for it not working. When anything goes wrong it's usually followed by slamming and her yelling "WTF JOHN!"
I've become extremely cautious of what I say around her because saying the certain things set her off instantly. I also try to keep the house arranged and organized to try to avoid triggering her tantrums.
2 nights ago she went to the gym. Last night her leg was sore and she wanted me to feel it because it was hard. I felt it then felt mine to compare because I was unsure if it was normal. Immediately as I felt my leg she got upset saying "FUCK! Nevermind! Sorry I'm not skinny like the girl on TV or like your ex!". It caught me completely off guard as I had not said anything. I have never said I wanted her skinnier and nor do I ever talk about my ex's.
It's hard for me to be around her when she throws her tantrums or when it seems like she's a time bomb. How can I prevent setting her off? | Gf gets extremely angry at minor things and often takes it out on me. How can I stop her from throwing tantrums? |
t3_45ur9p | offmychest | I [22m] just broke up with my gf[19f] last week, now I feel like I dont have anyone to talk to. | I just broke up with my gf [f19], we had been together for 9 months, and with me moving to NY for next year I didn't things were going to work out with long distance so I broke it off. Now she hates me and even though we work together she basically ignores me. This plus most of my best friends being either graduated or gone, i just feel so alone and depresed. Not only that but school and work have been just beyond taxing.Now I'm having extreem waves of regret and self hatred, I'm so anxious and am having borderline panic attacks. And I don't know if it's because I'm depressed, or simply about regretting dumping her. I have no one to talk to and I feel like the only person who would care is my now ex. I don't know what to do. | Broke up with my girlfriend who was mt best friend, now I'm super depressed, and I don't know who to talk to. |
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