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t3_4hjc8v | relationships | Me [23F] with "my boss" [23F] of 2 weeks, already having conflict. | I am currently in graduate school and the event planner of my grade. I just got the position and it technically does not start until fall. However, the new president "in power" has already taken charge. She oversees my position.
I was "event planner" last year and planning an event this June. The new president sent me an email totally out of the blue that was ridiculously passive aggressive and essentially stated I did everything wrong. I responded totally nice actually and answered all of her concerns. She again sent a very passive aggressive and sassy email back. To which I emailed back that I thought she had acted poorly and we needed to meet on Monday.
We met on Monday and it went very poorly. She essentially said she doesn't have time to change, so I need to change. She also told me "Don't ever disrespect me" to which I said I felt disrespected also, but she totally brushed it off and said again "Don't ever disrespect me". (for the record, she is my age and my classmate). Since then she has been ignoring me and feel her anger whenever we are near each other. She vented about the story to the rest of student council and another member came up to me offering to be my "ally" because he thought I really needed one.
This would all be for 1 year... And I really need to academically succeed. I know I could handle this for the next year, and I am sure it would be a great learning experience for inter professionalism, but is it worth it? This has already been bothering me for a week already. I am just worried for everything I do this will end up being an issue, and it will take away from my work, long distance relationship, and research. My venting about this one drama has already drove my family and boyfriend crazy. I was offered the option to quit now (and I can't quit later, only now) but it could make the whole thing more dramatic and piss her off more. But it could be better for me in the long run. 1 week of drama vs 1 year. | My classmate and I started leadership positions 1 week ago and she treated me like crap already and we had a huge drama, should I quit now while I can or tough through it, potentially screwing up my next year? |
t3_470t3i | relationships | Me [30 F] with my ex[32 M], lack of boundaries! | Throwaway since there's a chance he may find this.
Looking at the title, many of you are probably thinking ''cut contact with your ex, problem fixed.''
Currently that's not an option as we have a son and we'll have to continue to have limited contact for years to come. We aren't friends but we thankfully do not have a relationship where we want to gouge each others eyes out with a dull rusty spoon.
During our relationship, boundaries was always a big issue. Due to the fact we are very limited in contact and no longer together, it wasn't so much of an issue.
HOWEVER, there are a few times he has crossed some major boundaries. While we were together, it was never this bad.
Two examples (both since we have broken up):
1) He came along shopping to spend time some more time with our son. I briefly mentioned I needed to pick up a prescription. Later he comes back with said prescription in hand. He claims he was curious to see if the pharmacist would just give it to him (no questions asked) since he had a toddler with him.
2) I needed some personal information mailed but since he lived there locally, I asked if I could use his mailing address and have him mail it to me. That was a big mistake, it was really dumb. I know. He's never done this before, so I trusted him. Then during the weekly FaceTime meeting (he meets our son through that due to us living far away) he let me know that the letter arrived. Then he proceeded to read the contents out loud. He opened mail with my name from the government, with the big sign that says confidential information. I never asked him to open it.
Maybe this is a mixture of a rant and a bit of helplessness but how do I get my ex to respect my boundaries without coming off as a tight ass? I need to be careful with how I word things since we have a child together. I just wish I knew what is going on through his mind! How he thinks this is okay! | Ex crosses pretty big boundaries. Can't go no contact because of child. How to kindly tell him to quit his bullshit without making the next few years awkward? |
t3_3az281 | relationships | I (23F) just found a stash of nudes on my boyfriend's (23M) computer of his ex in his "recently viewed" folder on his computer. What should I do? | So my boyfriend is in class and I have the day off and he has an office in our apartment with a computer I sometimes use. In the "recent places" in his computer was a folder called "meow". Curious, and honestly thinking it was silly pictures of cats or something knowing him, I open it and it is a huge stash of nudes from his ex.
Looks like they're all snapchat screenshots with a few videos of her fingering herself. I immediately looked at the date on them and was relieved to find out they're quite old, dating back to a couple of months before we were together. However, it was still recently viewed. Which means he's still looking at these naked pictures of his ex while we're living together.
He comes home in a few hours and I don't know what to do. How should I talk to him about it? Either way, this is completely not okay. | Boyfriend has a folder of about 30 photos and a couple of videos of his naked ex girlfriend. I just found this and he gets home soon, should I bring it up or let it go? |
t3_3kqx6p | tifu | TIFU again. Five years later and I made the same mistake. NSFW? | Well reddit, I don't know a classy way to put this so I'm just going to throw it out there. I accidentally got icey hot on my balls again. Again. How the fuck do you manage to accidentally do something so horrific to yourself TWICE do you ask? Well it's pretty simple, I am not a smart man. The first time I was in highschool at wrestling camp. I was sore as fuck from running 5+ miles on the daily followed by multiple sessions of getting my ass handed to me by badass wrestlers from all over the nation. I put icey hot all over my achey thighs to try to get rid of the severe DOMS(delayed onset muscle soreness). I went for a run afterwards and the sweat carried the icey hot all over my sack causing me indescrible agony. Today I fucking did it again. This time fueled by tequila and severe DOMS from deadlifts from the day prior I decided it would be a wonderful idea to slather icey hot all over my lower back and the back and insides of my thighs. Immediately after I went to my room which is in the third story of my house. Today was abnormally hot and my bedroom is in the attic, which is like a fucking inferno. Immediately I began to sweat as I climbed the stairs from the first floor to the third to get to my room. Once there I stripped my clothes off and sat down. This sent trickles of sweat down my back to my crack not only carrying icey hot to my sack but also to my asscrack. | fuck tequila, fuck iceyhot, goddamnit I can't believe I just did this shit again. Fuck!!! |
t3_1cu0og | relationships | How can I (F24) tell my boyfriend (M24) that he's too affectionate? | I'm gonna get a lot of shit from the girls on this but here goes.
My boyfriend (M24) of six months is too affectionate towards me (F24). This is NOT in public, this is when we're alone.
When we first started dating, he was kind of shy and wasn't very affectionate. However, as time went on, he's gotten more confident and now he smothers me with it. Okay, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. But still, he can't go very long without touching me.
When we're in bed getting ready to go to sleep, he has to be touching me. Usually he spoons me and has his arm/hand over my chest holding my boobs.
If I spend the night at his place, he'll wake up, get ready for the day and then come back into the room and kiss me all over until I wake up.
If I'm sitting on the couch watching TV, he wants to hold my hand.
If I'm sitting at the desk doing computer stuff, he always comes up behind me and kisses/nuzzles my neck.
These are just a few examples. Yes, I love him but it gets to be too much sometimes. I'm afraid to say anything because I know how he thinks and he'll completely stop giving me affection. He's one of those people that swings from one extreme to the other if he does something wrong.
*Sigh*
I don't know what to do. Any other girls have this problem? I don't want to hurt his feelings. | I (F24) don't know how to tell an overly affectionate boyfriend (M24) that he needs to cut down on the affection. |
t3_361muo | relationships | I [24M] need to deal with a young classmate [17 F] who likes me. How do approach the situation? | I don't know if this is the right sub for posting this, so forgive me if it isn't. I've been taking french classes in a language school, and since last months, there's one girl in class that I strongly suspect is going after me. She usually tries to go with me when we do group tasks, and she's showing the usual non-verbal signs (playing with her hair, cute smiles, eye contact...)
The problem is that she's 17 and I'm 24. I would never date a girl so young, so no need to warn me about this. On top of that, I know since last month that she has a bf around her age.
The thing is that while I never actively pursued her, I'm ashamed to say that I think I should have shown her that I was not interested. She's cute and I've been single since last year, so I think I kinda liked the attention. I know it sounds a bit lame.
We are finishing the course now and all classmates are preparing a dinner party together, so I'm afraid that she could try to approach to me there. What should I do? Be nice and tell her I'm not interested? Tell her I know about her bf? Maybe not go to the party? I don't want to be rude with her because she's still pretty young and I feel partially guilty.
Btw, sorry about my english. | There's a girl too young for my age that she probably likes me. How do I tell her that I'm not interested? Should I avoid the situation? |
t3_4vdv8i | personalfinance | Rent vs. Mortgage + PMI? | Recently, we sold our house and moved to a different state, taking a bit of a hit in to our savings. Rent at our new home is costing us about $1400/mo (trust me, this is actually a fairly good deal for what we needed). We currently have about 35k saved up. On our previous house we put 20% down and still had about 15k left in savings for emergency. We'd like to do the same for a new house, thing is, it will likely take us 2ish years or so to get back to where we were savings-wise.
Would it be more cost effective to buy a house and pay PMI until 20% down? I've always heard this is a huge no no, but I'm wondering if the savings would be the same with us paying essentially an extra $400/mo rent (for a 200k-215k house we were paying about $1000 per month for mortgage). | Is it cheaper to buy a 215k house with less than 20% down and pay PMI, or to continue renting at $1400 for the next 2 years? |
t3_vegdx | AskReddit | I lied today to teach my co-worker a lesson about how she treats people, who else has done this? | First off, I know I'm probably going to hell for this, but here's what happened.
I work at a bank in a very small town. At the local grocery store, there is a young man (25ish) with down syndrome. Since he is high functioning, he has a job at the store where he pushes carts, and is one of the nicest men that I've known. A little lady was having trouble loading her bags and this man helped her without being asked, when other people just walked by the lady.
Anyways, so the gentleman with down syndrome comes into my work to say hi to my co-worker. He has a huge crush on her, moreso just because he thinks she is pretty and nice. my co-worker talked to him and was very nice when he was there. I thought that was very sweet of her, however - as soon as the gentleman left - she started bitching about how big a pain he was, how stupid he was, and just being very cruel about it. It pissed me off, I told her she was being a bitch about it, and i let it go.
Well, after work the gentleman noticed me from work, and asked me how my co-worker was, I told him that she was good. He said that he liked to visit her, when i told him "you should visit her a lot more!"
So yea, i lied to the gentleman about that (sorta), but it was to teach my co-worker that he cannot control things, and she has no fucking right to treat him like that.
Was I in the wrong? Did I do the right thing? Has anyone else done something like this? | After guy with down-syndrome comes to visit my co-worker, my co-worker is cruel to him behind his back. I see guy at his job later and told him to visit more. |
t3_28skfv | relationships | I use Okcupid to compensate for a lack of affection in my r/ship - advice? | I (30M) have had serious issues with monogamous relationships but in my current r/ship I've been faithful for the last year, but every so often I indulge, albeit platonically, in Okcupid flirtations. I get a real ego stroke when I receive messages and likes and I've been talking to a few women who are very much my type. Yes, I'm tempted to meet them but won't bring myself to break her heart like that.
Whenever there is a little external stress on my girlfriend, she becomes understandably (?) unresponsive. In turn, I become more needy for release and this creates a negative feedback loop where I'm horny and every expression of that makes her feel inadequate and less likely to open up. It really sucks and I try to be understanding, but I can't stand the lack of affection especially as I'm very giving in that respect.
If I were ever to get caught, there would be no way to explain it as simple escapism and understanding her issues is not the same as acceptance. I might be deluding myself and I'd really appreciate some input. | I use Okcupid (with no intention to hook up with others) to compensate for the occasional lack of physical affection in my r/ship. |
t3_15a65v | relationships | Her (30F) go-to move when we're having a disagreement is saying, "This [relationship] isn't working, you don't really love me". Should I [26M] just relent and say, "You're right, we're done."? | These aren't deal breaker fights or huge blowouts, these are little things that after we talk about them they're fine. For example, I got annoyed when her mom was 30 minutes late to a breakfast date her mother invited us to. Another example, I got frustrated when putting up the Christmas tree and hastily responded, "No, I have a better idea" to one of her suggestions, and brushed her off. These aren't yelling fights, we don't really have yelling fights.
When I try to talk things out accuses me of not being excited to see her, being lethargic, not feeling desired. The capper is when she pulls out the line, "I feel like you don't love me." Which bugs me quite a bit too, since I do, or at least I think I do. This all hinges on the fact that her parents had a garbage relationship, ended up in an ugly divorce. She is afraid that is how we're going to end up like that. Things are fine when she is happy, but when there is a disagreement it may as well be the end of the relationship every time. The more times she does it, the more I want to say, "you're right, you finished." I'm starting to think that if it were March instead of right before Christmas, I would have given her the line last night.
Is this fixable? Is she broken from her parents divorce? Is there something here that I'm missing? Is she using the little things as a vent of her true feelings? | GF[30F] says "this relationship isn't working" and accuses me of not loving her whenever we (me 26M) have a fight. We've been together for 10 months. |
t3_4h3dow | relationships | Me [27F] with my husband [29 M] can't do this anymore | I've been in an LDR with my husband for 10 years, I want out, there are numerous reasons why we havent closed the distance yet, and we're on the final stretch. We dont know if I'll move there or he will move here. All I do know is I feel different. I feel caged and trapped, I don't know why I have suddenly fallen out of love with him. I can't offer too many other details, despite this being a throw away.
I just don't want to do this any more. But I dont want to break his heart either. | Fallen out of love with husband, we got married to do the visas, they are processing, but I just want out. |
t3_lxigz | AskReddit | Reddit, will you help me troll THE GAP? | The GAP has showed up on every Egyptian persons facebook profile asking us to vote for the GAP female/male/child model of the year! The sleaziest people have submitted their pictures and Egypt has done a good job bringing them down with very awkward or horrible pictures that cannot be in any way used for modeling! Only one contestant got through with a picture like that to the final round and he is in second place behind some little kid by 100 votes.
Introducing the "models"
Majid is a German Egyptian Engineer and his friend Wael who is an electronics music producer.
We need this photo to get insane amounts of votes. Let's make this happen. Lets troll the gap with these models in a white robe (arab dress) and pants as their alter ego - the popular folk singer ZIZO KAMBUTAR.
Zizo's Music can be found here :
Please like the photo and share it somehow! We don't even know what the prize is to be honest but the gap must be trolled. | THE GAP SPAMMED US - WE SPAM THEM! HELP US TROLL THE GAP BY LIKING THIS PICTURE OF SO CALLED MODELS! |
t3_25vjln | relationships | Me [24F, Montana] with my LDR [24M, Texas] advice on coming clean about a major lie | im prepared to get a lot of really harsh words right now and i deserve to hear it.. please keep on point too and help me think of the best way to be honest with him. how to bring it up, etc
cross posted to ldr.
met online, still nevermets. we've been really involved for almost two years. i do love him and he loves me. when we met i was sort of slender ... i gained weight quickly due to a medical condition and was too afraid to tell him that i had gained and its sort of just gotten worse. i thought i could lose it all again before we saw each other. for the record now im trying to lose it BUT
he has no idea. ive told him ive gained weight but he doesn't know how much. we dont skype and we take pictures rarely
he's had his own weight issues that he didnt want to show pictures of himself but he applies a harsh double standard to women sometimes, or at least i feel like he does
we're pretty in deep emotionally, and im pretty sure ill lose him over this, but i want to be honest now. ideally i want to come clean and meet him soon, im working on losing weight. if that doesnt happen and he dumps me at least i dont have to carry around the shitty lying
i feel like a catfish (i guess i am) because the parts of me that he sees have pretty much stayed the same
im trying to prepare to lose my best friend which is difficult in itself, but he deserves to know and usually im so honest when it comes to most things. i saw so much shame in the way i look now that i should have told im when i was first diagnosed and when i first started putting on weight | majorly lied to bf about a medical condition i'm ashamed of, need advice on the right way to bring it up/come clean/minimize pain on his part. |
t3_3fkr9s | Advice | Who am I supposed to confide in when I'm crushingly single? | I'm a single dad, I got out of the only (revoltingly toxic) relationship I've been in since the divorce around christmas last year, I've been single since, and I realized today that I'm not on speaking terms with anyone that knows my "darkest secrets".
I now realize that up until now, I've been treating sex as a prerequisite for emotional intimacy. I've never shared anything that I really keep to myself with anyone other than a girlfriend.
Because of the fact that I got into something with someone who was really bad for me, I've made a commitment to my daughter that I won't get involved with anyone at all until I can make peace with myself, but how am I really going to do that if I literally don't talk to anyone about what's really bothering me?
I have friends, I trust people, I have a support network, but I just can't bring myself to tell the people that I consider my closest friends things like "it occurred to me on Monday that if I slit my wrists right then and there, no one would realize I was dead until I didn't show up to pick up my daughter three days later". I guess I'm afraid I'd make them uncomfortable, or that they'd want me to "get help" (I don't have health insurance, so therapy isn't an option for me).
Seriously though, who am I supposed to talk to? How am I supposed to bring things like crushing loneliness and emotional frustration up with people who would say "I really thought he was doing okay" if I really did do it?
QUALIFIER: I'm not going to kill myself, I have a daughter, and no matter how bad things get for me, I wouldn't ask her to face the world without me. It's disturbing to have thoughts like that though, and it's more disturbing when you don't feel like there's anyone to talk to about it. | I have friends, but none that I'm comfortable sharing my truly negative feelings/memories with. Who are you supposed to talk about this type of thing to, and how? |
t3_38flza | tifu | TIFU by taking my new medication. | Just some info this happend to a buddy of mine who told me about the story and thought it was reddit worthy. He's a tech manager for company i will leave unknown. Anyways here it goes.
I am on a new med, first day was two days ago. I was having a great morning! Everything was awesome, launched the technicians and walked out to my car...flat tire. I get it over to firestone, and then receive an email about my insurance claim on my house. It was the bill for my roof. The amount was more than my entire insurance claim for the house- like 7 grand! I get back to the shop and firestone calls me, they say "your plates expire next month, and your muffler and exhaust just fell off. It is rusted out, and will be $300 to replace, or your car wont pass inspection." Then a remote calls me and needs equipment, I drive out to him, and have to see 3 other remotes. I make it back to the shop to find out I missed a damage claim appointment. I leave and pick up my car, drive to my first day of class- college algebra- and hit construction. I am 3 minutes late, and the professor makes me wait 15 minutes outside so he can finish what he was saying before having to repeat himself to me! He asks me to log into my account, my passwords wont work. He says "didnt you get the email about the passwords being changed over the weekend?" I told him no. He looks up and reads me my email address, it was the one I used last time I attended the school, 9 years ago!
I leave class and nearly collapse. A teacher assists me and asks if I was okay, I said, " I just got light-headed all of a sudden..." She says, "when did you last eat..." The night before! My new medicine supresses appetites too and I didnt know it! I had forgotten to eat lol | Friend take new meds feels great, has a shitty day, passes out becasue forgets to eat due to new meds. |
t3_4sd3l6 | relationships | I [25F] am interested in a former colleague of mine [29M] who is recently separated and has two young children. Need some advice on how to handle this situation. | I'll do my best to keep this short and sweet.
Jake and I have worked at the same company for a year before I left to pursue another job. I have always had a crush on him, but given he was married and also my colleague, it never even crossed my mind to do anything about it.
About 2 and a half months ago, he confided that he was separating from his wife (I never pressed for the reasons). Since that time, I never asked about the situation since I didn't feel like it was my place to, so I tried to have light-hearted conversations about some mutual hobbies we both have, funny things his children (3M and 1F) do, etc.
I left the position at that company about a month ago and haven't really seen him since (he doesn't have any social media and we didn't exchange numbers). This past Saturday, I was at a pub with my friends when I saw Jake, who was there for a bachelor party. Before I left, we exchanged numbers. This morning, I received a text from him today asking since we no longer work together, if we could go out for a drink. He apparently has been interested in me but didn't want to cross any boundaries.
The thing is, I know I cannot fully commit to something serious and I only want a casual relationship, something short term (a FWB scenario would be perfect). Not to mention he has two young children and is recently separated... I know there isn't a rule book as to when you could start dating after a separation, but I have never had experience with dating a single father.
If anyone has had experience with something like this, please let me know! I don't exactly want to go on a date with him and say right off the bat "Hey so I just want to have sex and maybe go out to dinner once in a while, that cool?" but I don't want to lead him on either. | Going out for a drink with a former colleague who is recently separated and is also a father. What is the best way to tell him that I'm only interested in a casual relationship? |
t3_1s1tl1 | relationships | Me [24 M] with my coworker [24? F] of 5 months, interested in a relationship, terrified. | Girl that works at the same place that I work is awesome. Some weeks we do not run into each other, other weeks we work together, and I find myself looking forward to it. Our workplace is large, and we are in different departments.
I have been thinking about asking her out for a while now, and I am back into my high school mindset of being unable to make any type of move, even though I want to.
How can I make a step towards... anything? Anything that I can think of doing, from trying to ask her if she wants to get lunch, drinks, coffee, to asking anything personal about her seems scummy, and I cannot see it going well.
I have heard the standard "don't stick your pen in the company ink" and "don't shit where you eat" before, not really caring right now, just feeling sorry for myself thinking about how unable to converse with women I am.
Thanks for reading about my problem, please help! | 24M, back in high school mindset (never left), can't talk to girl I like, makes me sad. |
t3_1ae7o7 | relationship_advice | On the fence about my (22m) relationship with my bulimic girlfriend (22). | We've been seeing each other for about a year and a half. From what I can gather, her bitchy mother helped contribute to her poor self-image. I care about her deeply, and I don't want to see her hurt herself over us breaking up. I've tried to convince her to seek help about her bulimia, but she dismisses it with the "it's not a big" deal retort. I want to pursue other women, but I also don't want to leave her. She seems to fancy me quite a bit, and I feel like breaking up with her will lead to her into a spiral of depression and further purging. Should I stick with her to try to help her improve herself? | I'm considering breaking up with my bulimic gf, but I don't want her to hurt herself. Should I try to help her? |
t3_hs9hj | AskReddit | Is it normal for for a girl with a boyfriend to spend hours cuddling another guy in your bed? | Throwaway account, I have friends on here.
The girl is pretty social and pretty touchy with most guys, but it seems like she's taken an extra liking to me. She'd make obvious remarks about how we're always enjoying each other's good company and that I should have grabbed her number when she was single (mind you she's been dating someone for 4 years so its way in the past).
I've essentially had this girl in the friend zone because she's in a pretty tight relationship and I'm not interested in being the person to ruin that. Hers and her boyfriends parents are even friends with each other at this point.
Needless to say, plenty of fish in the sea. I talk to lots of other girls, have fun etc. She's a good friend, but I don't need to ruin a relationship.
Fast forward, I throw a party, we all get drunk. She ends up crawling into bed with me while I'm sleeping. Snuggles right in and spends the rest of the night/morning cuddling me. This isn't the first occurrence either. The last time we went out, while drunk, she sat on my back and gave me a massage while I passed out.
I'm really trying to be a gentleman and restrain myself from moving this forward, but she's getting what seems pretty intimate all on her own. You can kind of see her super slow approach to it because its like she feels guilty about it. She also texts me alot, at all sorts of hours. Let's note that she's drunk when physically escalating, and so am I, but if I was her boyfriend, I'd probably take issue with what's going on here.
What are your guys thoughts on this? Mature answers please. I'm not looking for "Go for it, bro". There are plenty of women out there and ruining a 4 year relationship is not my cup of tea. Especially since her cheating, would most likely result in me having a drop of respect for her. I would love to hear from other female redditors. Do you have other guy friends that are "simply friends" but you're pretty physical with? | Girl with boyfriend, giving me somewhat concerning physical contact. What are your thoughts? Is it possible for a girl to be physical with a guy that's just a friend without the desire to escalate? |
t3_2kw4ds | tifu | TIFU by not completing my sentence.... | This happened yesterday afternoon, I still cringe about it.... Setting: College Campus
My girlfriend's parents were in town and visited her, they even brought their old dog Sadie to come down and visit since my girlfriend is absolutely in love with Sadie.
I meet up with her and say hello to the parents. I pick-up Sadie and say hello to her as well, she's got even more gray hairs on her than the last time I saw her. But she's running around like she's infected with rabies and going crazy, having the time of her life.
Here's how this next conversation went leading to my fuck up.
Parents: "She's been struggling to get around lately, she can't jump on the bed or couch anymore. It's weird to see her act so energetic."
Me: "Well that's good, how old is she nowadays?"
Girlfriend: "I think she's close to being 9 now. She hasn't acted like this is months!"
**Me: "Yeah, I don't see her lasting that much longer...."**
Girlfriend and her parents looked at me with this look of disbelief.
Parents: "Well that was nice to hear...."
Girlfriend pulled me aside and smacks me on the arm.
Girlfriend: "Mike what the FUCK."
Me: "WHAT DID I DO!!!" I said like a fucking idiot.
I got smacked on the arm again.
Girlfriend: "You just told me AND my parents you think our dog will die soon! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU."
Me: ".....SHIT. THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT TO SAY, I NEVER FINISHED MY SEN----"
Girlfriend: "Mike just talk to me later...." asking me to leave.
What I was trying to get at, was that I didn't see their dog staying hyper and energetic much longer today. That it would get tired and want to go home and sleep.
What I meant to say was: "Yeah, I don't her lasting that much longer out here, she must be getting tired." | Told my girlfriend and girlfriends parents they're gonna have to cremate their dog soon on accident, paying the fucking price for it. |
t3_3synrc | relationships | I (24M) think I stumbled into my neighbors backyard while blackout drunk. | I've been struggling with depression for a long time, and recently broke up with my girlfriend. I don't drink often but I felt like getting drunk Saturday.
I was drinking vodka by myself, family was away for the night (I live with my parents...) and playing video games around 7pm. My next memory is very brief; standing in my neighbors yard talking to a few people. It's so vague and fuzzy that I'm not 100% positive that it happened.
And then I wake up at 4am, on the floor of my living room with my shoes on. I had a cut on my leg from I assume hopping fences to get to their yard, and smelled like cigarettes when I don't smoke normally. So I was definitely out, but I have ZERO memory other than a faint image of being in a yard and talking to a few dark figures. I don't remember who exactly.
These neighbors I'm thinking of know me, but I'm not social enough with them to stumble to their house drunk. I'm really fucking embarrassed and considering this rock bottom for me. I don't know how to approach an apology. Do I leave a letter in their mail? What if I wasn't even there? What if it was a different house? I'm not fucking certain where I went exactly, just have a vague feeling it was this one house. Should I just pretend it never happened and hope they do the same?
Obviously I'm considering never drinking again... but I'm not injured, not in jail, not in the hospital, and alive. I feel like I need to thank someone for that, but what if it's not them? | I went into someone's yard around midnight while blackout drunk. I don't know what happened and I'm not positive it was who I think it was |
t3_3k9hm8 | relationships | My [18 M] girlfriend[18 F] of a few years is in college and spend most of the week out until 3 AM or later. | Okay, so, my girlfriend and I just started college. We're going to different schools, but we both agreed to try an open long distance relationship. The school she's going to is known for partying and she's consistently staying up until 3 am, drinking, and sleeping with people. I really really love her (more than I honestly thought I could love someone) and I just want her to be okay. I know she's a strong, smart, mature, and responsible person, and I know she can handle herself, but I'm afraid something really bad is going to happen to her (eg, start failing or worse, like sexual assault).
I realize that this isn't something I can stop and she is her own person, and very little (if any) of what I would say about any of that is going to change her mind about it (she's stubborn). Additionally, I realize that I do need to let her live her own life -- I just feel like that if I know I can do something about anything and don't I'm partially responsible.
Selfishly, I feel like she prioritizes those situations over talking with me. I mean, she has a life, she's trying to make friends, I understand why, but recently she seems very very reluctant to talk one-on-one with me either over the phone or via text. I'm worried about us being us when we get a chance to be together again.
Am I ok in feeling this way? Is there something more that I can do? Is any of this normal or common and is it just a phase (how long)? | Girlfriend in open long distance relationship drinks and sleeps with people on an almost daily basis and I'm worried. Am I ok in feeling this way? Is any of this normal or common and is it just a phase (how long)? |
t3_1f7m9d | relationships | Emotional affair in long distance, long term relationship | I've (25f) been with my bf (27m) for over 6 years now. Last year we moved in together, and it was really wonderful. However, unexpectedly I received the opportunity of a lifetime, and with his encouragement I moved to the other side of the world to follow a lifelong dream. Now it seems to follow this path I definitively will not be living in the same city as him for at least the next foreseeable 8 years unless one of us (most likely him) is willing to change their career path.
This past year has been a huge challenge and I am overwhelmed just thinking about how to keep this relationship afloat. For a long while now, I have been thinking that it would just be best to cut our losses and walk away. He is thinking otherwise. He would like us to stay together, and is literally trying everything he can to keep it that way.
I am going home for a month soon and he is spending his time planning a million activities to make it as fun and together as possible while I am there.
If this was not a problem enough, I have recently developed feelings for a man I work closely with. We became good friends this past year and I have since become very attracted to him. Last weekend we went dancing with a group of friends and we wound up staying pretty close the whole night on the dance floor.
I am feeling guilty and confused and overwhelmed. Until last year I thought that my bf was the one I was going to marry, and spend the rest of my life with. My whole life has completely changed, however, and now I just don't know how that would work, or if that's what I want.
I am not stupid, I know that I need to walk away from this emotional affair and be open and honest with the bf when I get home. I just don't know how to convey this to him, or to walk away from my friend without hurting him. | I left my bf of 6 years to pursue my dream, don't know how to make long distance work, also am conducting an emotional affair with someone else |
t3_2h9j54 | relationships | Me [18M] and my crush [18F] , problems with chatting and getting to know. | Here is the story.
I knew that she existed for about a year (haha), but we met on a party I threw two months ago.
I told my friend to come to my party and bring the girl too. At the party, we talked few times and I think she had fun talking with me (maby because she was a little bit drunk, haha).
Then party ended and we never met IRL again. I chatted her a few times on Facebook, but she didn't reply so often.
I mean she always did reply , but after 5min, 15 min or even few hours...
She always replies kindly, but I think she doesn't like me that much.
Maby because I'm not that handsome or I don't have that much social skills, haha.
Sometimes I saw the "Seen [...]" thing on Messenger and no reply for hours.
The question is : should I try or should I pass? She's single and she's never been in a relationship. | She answers rarely (after 5,15min or even few hours) and I think she doesn't like me. Should I pass? |
t3_24gtqa | loseit | Taking Phentermine - how can I plan ahead to maximize my long-term results? | Before I go any further - after carefully and thoroughly weighing the options of taking this drug and after years and years of failed attempts at losing and keeping weight off, I have decided to go ahead and try taking Phentermine in order to kick start a long term weight loss journey.
I've always been technically obese - but active, and I when I'm in the groove I love to exercise. I've run half-marathons and done months of P90x. I recently lost some weight and gained that and more back over the last two years. I feel sausagy in my body and have such a busy schedule and low energy that its difficult to get through my day, let alone exercise. My evening appetite is out of control and I'm at a loss.
I began taking a half-dose of phentermine yesterday and will adjust to the full dose if I find it necessary, but would be happy to continue taking the half dose if I find it remains effective. I don't have unrealistic expectations that this drug will solve my weight problems, only that it can help me to drop a few pounds and have the energy so that I can begin exercising safely and effectively, and that it can help me to start fresh and create new eating habits when I'm done with the medication.
I'm just wondering if anyone who's had a positive experience with continued weight loss after taking a medication like this has any tips or advice for how not to gain the weight back immediately after, how to establish healthier eating, some low-impact exercises I can begin doing now, etc. | Taking Phentermine. Want long-term results which I know will require a lot work. Would like some helpful advice for what to do to prepare myself to keep the weight off and continue to lose after taking the medication. |
t3_4qf1ti | loseit | Success stories using intuitive eating? | I recently got a nutritionist who says that she doesn't "believe in calorie counting", because she doesn't think that e.g. an oreo and an avocado can be worth the same thing just because they may have the same number of calories. She created a diet plan for me, where basically I can eat as much as I want for breakfast as long as it's 30% protein (I have issues with nighttime binging so this is her way of beginning to get rid of it), then eat a snack between lunch and breakfast (30% protein), then eat whatever I want for lunch (30% protein), then eat a snack between lunch and dinner (paleo) and then eat a paleo dinner. I tend to eat somewhat healthy anyway, however am worried that this diet plan relies too much on intuitive eating and that I won't lose any weight. What do you guys think of this plan? Have you had any success with intuitive eating? | Can I lose weight doing intuitive eating with a loose structure of when to eat during the day and what food groups to eat? |
t3_541h9h | jobs | Got the job! Now how to ask for more? | Wow, that sounds so ungrateful to say, but hear me out.
I was just offered a job that would be a lateral movement. I plan on accepting. The reason I am doing this is because of how they treat their employees. Don't get me wrong, I love my current job, but this new place is the bee knees. I personally know 2 engineers(one is my uncle, other is an ex-coworker) who have worked for the company for almost 40 years combined. I'm in IT, but still, they both absolutely love the company and are excited to have me. One of the big benefits is full school tuition which I see as a 15-20k a year raise essentially.
When I interviewed for this position the company asked what I currently make and I told them. They said they were asking for a friend. They were asking because they haven't hired for desktop support in a long time and did not know the going rate. Since my first application, my uncle had gotten me in contact with the guy who is moving out of the desktop support role(promotion), so I could ask him questions. When I stated that I thought that I was asking for too much at my current rate, he said not to worry about the money. From what I understand, this company is great when it comes to profit-sharing, annual raises, and the works. With him saying that, I think I could ask for more money.
So here's the real dilemma:
I just received an offer letter that they asked me to sign and send. The offered me via email. I assume that HR has left for the night and the company is closed the next 3 days (another perk, off every other Friday). I want to sign and send ASAP, but I'd also like to ask for more money. Since our primary for of contact has been via email, can I send a professional response email asking for more money? They offered the job that way without reaching out via calling, so I think that would be suitable. | Offered job (will take) but how do I ask for more money if email has been the main point of contact? |
t3_1ul8ik | relationship_advice | I'm [23/f] tired of cleaning up after my extremely messy boyfriend [24/m], sick of being the maid... | Hey Relationship_Advice - I'll make this short and sweet, my SO and I have been living together for 2 years now (3 year relationship - 23yo&24yo) and he is a little piggy. I love him dearly, I have tried numerous times to get him to be more tidy and clean up after himself.
I have tried: Not cleaning (end up cleaning after a week cause our apartment is disgusting), making a chore wheel together so that we both have equal share, making a list for him (he asked) but that gets tiring because I have other things to do than play mom and tell him what to do.
He constantly does the same things over and over, like leaving food out in the living room or kitchen (pots and pan on the stove) for days, or stuffing coke bottles with wrappers and then putting it in the TV unit thinking I won't find it….he puts garbage in the night stand…I once found an orange juice behind the nightstand growing some creature and a chip dip in the drawer trying to grow the orange juice creature a friend.
It's becoming tiring for me because I spend about 7 hours a week cleaning…I am in school and so is he, it seems unfair that I have to clean up after him. He's an adult, how do I try to fix this without blowing my top or constantly nagging him. We have a great relationship, it's solid on all other fronts, and we've talked about this over and over again…and he says he'll change it but he's just not, for his sake he has improved slightly over the past 2 years.
Thanks :) | I am very neat, SO is a little piggy (wonderful little piggy) and leaves mess everywhere for me to clean up. Don't know how to fix the situation. |
t3_45orjc | tifu | TIFU by inappropriately touching a stranger at a kids birthday party. | Ok, so today my partner and I attended my nice Indian neighbours 5 years olds birthday party in a local play centre.
We were the only non-indian people there and it was somewhat formal with gorgeous Indian style dresses, food, games and greetings for eg; to elders with the touching of feet etc.)
My partner and I stuck together and tried to mingle but we really didn't know anyone else so stayed close to one another.
At one stage our neighbour came out with the birthday cake and I started a conversation with her, my partner beside me, my hand around her.
Somewhere during this conversation my partner walked away. I carried on talking and when my partner returned to my side, without looking, I placed my hand on her shoulder, rubbed her from her shoulder to her upper back, stopping at her bra strap, and back to her shoulder. Her shoulder had been sore that morning so I had given her a quick massage earlier.
It was at this point, when I looked at her I realised to my complete horror that it wasn't her standing beside me at all.
It was a 20-something year old quiet, unassuming Indian girl, frozen stiff with absolute confusion as to why this strange Irish man was touching her back/bra!
My other half was standing behind me, looking at me touch this girl, I equally confused.
When I realised I jumped back and ran behind her, apologising profusely and going red from the gills. Most embarrassed I've been in a long time... | I mistook a stranger for my SO at an Indian kids party and rubbed her back /bra while she just stood there. |
t3_3asthe | tifu | TIFU by crotch-thrusting a kitchen drawer closed | So while this fuck up didn't happen today, I re-enacted it today and almost fucked up just as bad this time.
*Stereotypical 90s Flashback Effect*
Several years ago I was making dinner with my then girlfriend, we'll call her Abby. Abby and I were in the kitchen and there were lots of drawers open because we were trying to find a wooden spoon. After several minutes we give up and start closing the drawers.
She gets inventive and closes one with her butt. I laugh and close one with mine. She swings her hips and closes a cabinet, and with only one drawer remaining, I, in proper showmanship fashion stick both fists out forward in preparation. I squat back, and give that drawer the thrusting of its life! Oh I imagine it was a glorious sight to see.
So here's the fuck up. My fly was open. Drawer flies shut and I'm about to throw up my hands in celebration when I realize my crotch is still travelling forward with the drawer. I caught my zipper on the knob of the drawer.
My crotch flies forward into the closed drawer. The drawer recoils open and hits my balls. I try to go fetal and hit my head on the counter, zipper still attached to the drawer. I try to stand up and the drawer comes back into my balls.
The most pitiful whimper escapes my lips as I reach down to detach myself. Abby is standing, horrified, watching me destroy my future fertility.
We never found the spoon. | Busted my balls, my forehead, my balls, and my pride for a wooden spoon that I never did find. |
t3_54b8xu | relationship_advice | How do I [24/m] respectfully ask out a girl [24/f] in a male-dominated environment? | I recognize that one of the reasons of the difficulties women face in male-dominated environments is the constant interest from men. It can be hard to make guy friends because they often have an ulterior motive or just develop "feelings" over time. Then, the guy asks the girl out but she just wants to be friends and now she feels bad, the guy is sad, and the friendship falls apart.
So, I just started a Masters program in a 90% male field and I met a girl that I would like to ask out. We got along well, she's smart, motivated, and good looking, yada yada yada. I'm not really sure if she's just looking for friends (we're both new to the area) or potentially interested in more. The easiest way to find out is to directly ask, but I also don't want to be one of those guys who just makes this experience worse for her. I just met her so I wouldn't be devastated if she says no and I would be fine with being just friends if shes not interested/single.
Any advice for how to express my interest in going on a date without bothering her / ruining chances of friendship? | Want to ask girl out in 90% male environment but don't want to ruin potential friendship or annoy her because she probably gets hit on by like every guy she meets. |
t3_4gkd7s | tifu | TIFU by locking myself out | Obligatory "this did not happen today", but yesterday.
This is heading back to my apartment after a shoot. I'm grabbing my gear from my trunk and drop my car/house keys in there. Naturally, like the idiot I am, I just close it by force of habit, locking my keys in the car.
This isn't the nicest neighborhood, and as such the landlord isn't 100% on top of everything. The rental office gives me the only set of keys they had, which turns out to be from a lock previously installed at my apartment, and not the current one. So they say they'll send a maintenance guy, but still aren't sure if he can get in.
My neighbor and I spend a couple hours wrestling with a coat hanger trying to poke the "unlock" button in my car on the driver's side door to no avail. Finally the apartment maintenance guy shows up. Time to go try the apartment door.
I set my jacket and camera gear outside my door as I anxiously watch this maintenance professional brutalize my deadbolt with a hammer (my apartment complex hires only the best). I've got a spare car key inside and we can recover the trunk keys. Solid job, team.
After this ordeal I decide to put off editing the photos from the day's shoot, and head to bed a little early. The next morning I step outside to find my jacket on the ground... and I slowly realize that I had left $2500 worth of gear (some of it borrowed) including the cards with that day's work outside through the night. All gone. | Was an idiot and locked myself out of my apartment. Got in. Was an idiot again and left $2500 of camera gear outside to be stolen. |
t3_o1do1 | AskReddit | Hey Reddit, can you guys help me come up with an awesome sculpture project? | My name is Zac Shavrick and I'm the metal sculptor behind www.zacmax.com
I just finished a kickstarter project where people sent in photos of themselves and I turned the photos into little metal figures. I also am responsible for that Grizzly Bear with chainsaws for arms that was devised and voted on by redditors. [Here's an imgur album which might clear things up a bit](
Anyway, for the new year I'm hoping to do something even more epic and crazy than anything I've ever done before. Maybe it's a 30 foot figure or a series of diabolical monsters or a video animated in steel, whatever. I'm hoping that you guys can help me come up with the craziest concept imaginable and a way which I can get lots of people interested and involved. I'll post a few of my ideas in the comments, but I'm open to anything. | I'm looking for crazy suggestions for sculpture project (on an epic scale) and ways to get people involved/interested. |
t3_1uknp2 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] of 4 months in the process of a very confusing break up. Should I give up? | To start out, this is a short relationship. However, we formed an extremely close bond the instant we started dating and we both wanted it to go on.
Let's start at the beginning, we met in a school program and started dating almost right away. Her ex-boyfriend had recently (I'd say a week and a half) broken up with her via text from China (study abroad). He tried to take it back but she's over it. He hasn't moved on and still consistently talks to her. That, however, wasn't a problem for me, which I told her.
Over winter break, she came to visit me for around 4-5 days (early December). Her visit was a blast and we both really enjoyed ourselves. We're really comfortable just being with each other and don't need anything to do to enjoy each other's company. We then didn't see each other at all for the rest of break but we spoke constantly. Then, suddenly, the day before we get back to college, I receive a text which, in short, says she wants to break up. It of course hurt to be told that through a text message, and we communicated well before, which made it particularly odd. She didn't really provide a reason and so I asked why and a day later she told me after some back and forth.
She told me that she's depressed and feels alone all the time. Now, she hid this extremely well. I had some idea that she "felt alone" (to clarify, she feels like no one understands her) but didn't know that it was causing her to feel depressed. She then goes on to mention that she "can't care about someone else right now because I don't even care about myself."
I really don't know how to handle this break-up. She's stated explicitly that it's nothing I've done to cause the break-up, that she still likes me, and that it's not about the past. We had a really fun relationship, making this extra confusing.
Any advice would be invaluable. | Girlfriend breaking up with me because she is "depressed and feels alone all the time." No fault of mine and we had an amazing relationship. How should I handle this break-up? |
t3_v1l71 | AskReddit | I have ruined my relationship with my fiance. I need advice | So here's the deal I am typing this all on my phone at work so bare with me. So my fiance soon to be ex and I have been together for two years we have been through some hard times recently. One night we were in a huge argument and I went out with a buddy who mentioned he was going to bring his friend and she is cool. So I figure whatever just more drinking buddies. Anyways I think she's cute I text my buddy and let him know, fiance snoops through the phone finds the text its a huge thing.
Next thing I know about a month later I get a text from the chick (I gave her my number because of my profession she wanted to be a client) she wants to hang out and she admits she has a thing for me, I admit if I was single I would totally ask her out. Anyways texting got flirty and we were both going to go as a group with friends to a club. Now I need told the fiancé because I know she would flip on top of that she was sick and couldn't go. She went through my phone and found out again and we have been trying to reconcile since.
I cut off all communication with the one girl until she text me again and asked how I was doing, (she knew what was going down with the fiance). So I explained, texts got flirty again. The kicker is I did this almost as a test to see if she would look through the phone again knowing she would.
now I dont know what to do because im still madly in love with my fiance, and I feel myself snapping.
. | fiancé saw flirty text message flips out, I do it again knowing she would look through the phone. ruin life and go insane. What should I do? |
t3_1nx1a8 | relationships | I [22 F] just discovered an unidentified sex toy in my boyfriend's [22 M] things, and I think I went about it the wrong way | Short relationship description: we've been together for over 3 years, and we've been living together for just over 2 months now.
I guess I'll keep it short and simple. I was going through a box of some of my boyfriend's electronic stuff (we haven't completely unpacked yet) looking for a specific charger when I spy a butt plug that appears to be used (it's not wrapped or in a box or anything). Now I know it's not mine, as I do not own one, and a number of thoughts start to go through my head: is it his? Does he even know about it? Could it be from his previous relationship? My mind is running like crazy, and obviously starts to spin toward the worst. My bf is really big into ass-play with me, but he never lets me reciprocate to him. He has suggested in the past that he plans on getting me my own plug for us to play with, but I can definitely tell this isn't some hidden gift that I accidentally came upon.
So now I'm debating whether or not to wait until he gets home from work to bring it up, or to ask him via text. I decide to text him and just casually ask if he knows anything about it. I instantly regret the decision. I think I went about it the wrong way, I should've waited until he got home to ask. But I was just so anxious and worried. I sent him a text apologizing for asking via text, but I haven't gotten any responses yet. This was about a half hour ago. I can't exactly call him either, he works in a basement lab and can't really take phone calls.
I'm just not really sure what to do now, how I should go about this before and after he gets home... | discovered a mysterious butt plug in my boyfriend's things, panicked and texted him about it, worried I made a mistake in doing so, unsure of what to do. |
t3_18e7kd | pettyrevenge | Snobby Paint Customer | So I used to work at a hardware store in the paint department where I have gone through the training to be a certified paint specialist for our paint carrier. A lady comes in looking for a specific color she saw in a magazine. I asked what it is and she says some god forsaken hue of blue. So I search it in out paint machine but doesn't come up. I ask for the spelling or perhaps it was another name and she says "I think the problem is you. We need someone much older and with more experience over here". I tell her it's not me but its the computer not recognizing the name, and she just leaves. About a minute later she comes back with the Gardening Lead. By that time my Paint Lead is already at the paint desk, and proceeds to help this woman. But even he couldn't find the name, but ends up finding a similar color to satisfy her.
Fast forward about a month later, she comes back with her decision. She doesn't seem to remember me, seeing how i grew my beard out. So I ask what I can help her with and she says "I'm painting my bathroom and would like to get 2 gallons. I already have the color, so I don't have to go through the nightmare I went through last time". I then asked what type of sheen she would like. Again she was clueless so I recommended a Flat sheen. For you non-painters, that is totally not the right choice for a bathroom. So she accepted and I proceeded to mix the paint. Turns out the color came out a little too dark, so to not hear her bitching I said "don't worry, it'll dry much lighter and you will be satisfied." She said "whatever" and went along her bitchy way. By the way, she didn't need 2 gallons of paint. One would have been more than enough. So she basically threw away $60. | bitchy customer comes in, accusing me I don't know anything. Comes back a month later not remembering me. Getting revenge by giving her the wrong type of paint. |
t3_xsws7 | jobs | Panel Interview + "Performance Exam" for final stage of interview (California County Job) | Hey there,
I am currently a candidate for a career position with a California county after having passed the written civil service exam for the position. It was a very small candidate pool (8 people including myself) to begin with and am unsure how many will advance to the next round with me.
Today I received an e-mail from the agency hiring staffing for this particular county that mentioned aside from the "oral exam/interview" that I was aware I would be a part of, that there would be a "performance exam" following it, and to allow for 45 minutes for that.
This is for a Staff Service Analyst job. Not sure where I was going with this other than....what the hell are they going to have me do in the performance exam and I wonder how many advanced to the next route? They are having all interviews on a single day. | Small applicant pool (8), passed written exam, taking "oral exam/interview" and found out there is a "performance exam" that will take 45 mins - The hell am I getting myself into? |
t3_2ahid4 | relationship_advice | (34/m) My female friend (28/f) is confusing me by her words and actions. | Well, we've been friends now for about 10 months. Things started off well between us. I always seemed to make her happy, and she always turned to me when she was having a bad time.
Lately, things just don't seem to be the same anymore. I see her interact with other people and she's all smiles and happy towards them. But then when she interacts with me, she's not happy at all, kinda critical of me, short with responses or just blows me off. We used to text or talk pretty much every day, but as of late I really don't even hear from her at all anymore.
Well after a while I took it as I must have done something wrong by her, and asked her about it. She promised me that nothing has changed, she's not mad at me or anything.
Finally, earlier this week I texted her that I feel like I'm not worth her time anymore. She calls me back in a panic, and tells me that she's been busy. Then she tells me that she loves me and cares for me, and that she needs to go. I've seen her once since then, and she blew me off again, we haven't talked since.
I am just so lost with her, any thoughts or advice? | (28/f) female friend blows (34/m) me off until it becomes a problem, then tells me she loves me, and continues to blow me off. |
t3_3f5sh6 | relationships | Should I (22f) just ask him (26m) out on an actual date? | We are both coworkers and work closely together. One weekend I asked him if he wanted to get a drink, and he said "don't hate me. I'm busy this weekend so I won't be able to this weekend". He said he would get a drink with me, but it has been weeks since I have heard from him. He also played along when I told him a coworker said he saw us "holding hands and kissing" (we didn't. Our coworker was just messing around cuz we got lunch together).
He teases me a lot. He remembers weird things about me. He is always smiling at me. I got asked on a date and he had a billion questions about the guy. He just generally seems interested; especially since coworkers say he is "mr.shy", but he doesn't seem shy around me.
I told him via text he was sweet and cute and he said "easy, intern". Cuz I started out as intern at this company... I apologized and he said "it's ok. How is your night?"
Anyways, I kind of pulled back today. He kept asking me why I was so cranky / if I was upset, so obviously he was a bit upset I wasn't giving the amount of attention I usually give him.
He was getting a drink with a coworker this weekend, and I teased him (we having a teasing relationship) about how he never got a drink with me/ when he was planning on paying me attention (again we have this friendly relationship, so it's not too far fetch of a thing to say) he said "that is the age old question; when will I ask you to hang out".
That just got me really frustrated. He can show me attention, get upset when I don't reciprocate, but he won't ask me for a drink ?? I'm not sure what to do. I'm sick of playing the games and want to walk away, but I still have feelings... | coworker flirts a lot and gets mad if I ignore him, but he won't ask me out for a drink even though I asked him out weeks ago. |
t3_1yucby | relationship_advice | [19/M] I need help/advice with my very own, "Jessie's Girl" | Longtime lurker using a throwaway but, here we go.
So ten months ago I've got a "buddy" (we were more like mutual acquaintances) of mine from high school asking me to help get his gf of three years a job at the restaurant I work at. I oblige even though I've met her only once briefly before this and she is hired a week or so after.
It started off normal to be honest, she trained along side me as a waitress for many of her shifts. Soon after I was promoted to a management position but still worked along side her and the other servers.
"S", I'll call her was genuinely nice, caring, funny, smart, gorgeous and it's understandable how I could have crushed on her at first but then for me it took a complicated turn. S and I would talk outside of work occasionally only over text/social media , nothing too serious just comments about work or funny things I've seen on reddit that I'd know she would enjoy. Then our conversations turned to deeper subjects fears, life goals, the occasional fight S and her bf would get into, and my feelings grew exceptionally the more I got to know her.
Though she is still very loyal to her boyfriend, which I respect and admire, I've yet to tell her how I feel. Now I find myself feeling ways for her that I've never felt with any other girl I've met. I've completely fallen for her and everything about her. And logically I know it's stupid.
I just need advice on what to do, clearly I'm not quitting my job and I won't make her quit. Should I tell her? | Im in love with a coworker of mine who has a rocky relationship of three years. I'm a manager and she's a waitress, how do I go about this? |
t3_1uuibq | relationships | Me [18 M] broke up with my girlfriend [18 M] of 2 months, and just want validation that I did the right thing. | We were officially dating for 2 months, but I've known her forever. We were seriously hanging out and talking for months before it was official. We have had a short lived relationship in the past, but this was our first serious thing. We never fought, or barely disagreed for that matter. I really cared for her, and we both wanted this relationship to last. Everything was great until her ex came into the picture.
He started flirting with her, and she reciprocated. Until he started asking for pictures of her topless, that's when she told him she wouldn't "cheat" on me for him. (I specifically saw this conversation, it wasn't just told to me.) She admitted all of this to me, and thinking she regret it, I forgave her.
Until about a week later, she told me that she thinks I shouldn't have forgave her. She told me about her heartbreak from her ex, and couldn't help herself from flirting with him. I told her that if she couldn't 100% guarantee that it wouldn't happen again, we couldn't continue this relationship. She told me she regretfully couldn't, so that's when I cut it off.
I didn't want to break it off, but I knew that if things continued, it would be worse later. We would be at 9 months having this conversation, and It'd be a lot worse. Now I'm having trouble coming to grips with the reality that I did the right thing. I can't get her off my mind, and it doesn't help that we have classes together. Were also going to the same private college. I've been trying to go no contact, somewhat unsuccessfully for the past 3 weeks.
Did I do the right thing? Or if I truly have these strong feelings for her, should I tell her how I feel? | GF of "2" months flirted with ex, I cut it off, having trouble going no contact, and am regretting breaking up. |
t3_3cb3l3 | tifu | TIFU terribly at my university | First of all I have to mention that I'm German and English is not my mother tongue so I'm sorry for any upcoming mistakes.
So I'm sitting in an incredibly boring lecture about the political system of Germany. As the finals week is coming closer at German universities I decided to read a book in preparation for an exam in political theories.
As my professor has a very loud and pervasive voice I decided to put it my noise cancelling ear plugs. I then started to read my book and things went pretty good until I realized that some of my fellow students started looking in my direction. At first I thought they were looking at something else so I go back to my reading just to discover the professor's looking at me and seemed to be talking with a rather serious facial expression. I begin to understand that he must be talking to me and some students around me start to giggle. As I could not understand a single word of my professor's utterances due to the ear plugs I was too embarrassed to take out at that moment, I tried my best at lip-reading. Well, I was unable to figure out any of the words coming out of his mouth. I proceed to smile and nodded affirmatively as he starts to get angrier and apparently shoutet at me. I began to blush and screamed at him "I am deaf!" and stormed out of the lecture hall full of shame and embarrassment. I'll never be able to look in the eyes of any of the attenting people. | I put in my noise cancelling ear plugs in the lecture and fuck up completely as the professor tries to talk to my deaf version. |
t3_34c9sa | askwomenadvice | I [30 M] have been telling my girlfriend [32 F] of two months some white lies about my past | So I've been telling my girlfriend of 2 months some white lies about my past. It's nothing serious, but it's still something she doesn't know about me. We were both born and raised in the US except that I'm Muslim and she's white. She's asked me about my culture a few times and I've told her about how I wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend when younger. She asked me how I dealt with all the restrictions and I just chuckled and said "what my parents don't know doesn't hurt them".
The truth is though is that I basically have no dating history. She's the first women I've ever kissed or had sex with. She's the first woman to ever accept my offer for a date (which surprised me since she's ridiculously attractive).
So I guess I'm just wondering, should I come clean? Or do I keep going with the flow the way I have? Does anyone think this is lying or just some acceptable white lie that we all tell in relationships? Would it have been better if I told her beforehand that I was a virgin?
There are other things about my youth that she doesn't know, for ex about me sitting alone at lunch, being bullied, and not going to my first party or drinking beer till I was 21, or the fact that my father was abusive. These haven't really come up though. | So I've been telling my girlfriend some white lies and am wondering how big of a deal it is and whether or nor I should come clean. |
t3_1gtmgv | relationships | I've [17/M] been dating this [17M/F] girl for ~8 months. Everything's great, except that she feels, perhaps correctly, that hanging out is really low priority to me? | We've been going out since October. Everything is great, and we're really kinky and sexually active (not intercourse, but everything else). We are very open and try hard to be direct and honest with our feelings. We're both intelligent overachievers, and we have a lot of other stuff on our places. Except I have a lot more than she does, and my parents put a lot of pressure on me (a lot of which I condone).
Basically I have a hard time finding or making the time to hang out with her. We really only hang out a few times a month (we see eachother in school, of course), and we like 5 minutes away.
She's always asking if I can come over, and I want to, but I've just got so much other stuff and i just can't afford to spend 5 hours with her unless it's really on my terms. Obviously she feels this is unfair, and it hurts her a lot. She's quite sensitive and emotional about relationship stuff.
I don't know what to do. Whenever we try to work something out, I can't commit, and often have to cancel or something. It's making her feel like shit and it makes me feel bad (not as bad as her, to be 100% honest).
What should I do? | I don't have time or can't justify hanging out with my gf as much as she wants. This really bothers her, and I don't know what to do. |
t3_4rhj4d | relationships | My [24 F] best friend's [24 F] boyfriend [23 M] may have a crush on our other best friend [25 F]. Am I being a drama queen? | My best friend (name: Abby) of 10 + years has been in a 1.5 year relationship with this guy (name: sonny) that really annoys me, but I keep that to myself for the sake of my friend's happiness. I need an opinion on this situation because I feel like I'm bias since I think he's annoying:
So Sonny is a kiss ass to our other best friend, lets call her Cathy. He typically does things like:
1. Offers to walk Cathy to her door and lets Abby walk to the car by herself.
2. Offers her food from his plate, but doesn't offer Abby wine when she asked for some.
3. FREQUENTLY makes it known that he knows Cathy really well. (bragging about it)
4. Buy shots for Cathy but not Abby.
5. Mentions how he and Cathy have the same taste in music.
6. When we were playing a game that requires being on teams that can communicate well with each other the first person he chose to be on his team was Cathy. Dude! choose your freaking girlfriend!
I understand these are really minor and stupid things but i can tell abby gets annoyed of it, she sometimes makes comments about it or calls him out on it. I usually give him the benefit of the doubt and excuse him as a gentleman but it's gotten to the point where I think he has a crush on Cathy because hes not like this towards me at all. My friends aren't the type to discuss each other's business behind each others back, so I don't know the general consensus. He is good to Abby (that's why I dont say anything) but I just want to know whether I see these things in a horrible perspective because of my opinions of him, or are those occurrences red flags?
Abby has also told me in the beginning of their relationship, that if I notice anything that I should tell her because she trusts my opinion. But I don't even trust my own opinion!!
im so diva lol | Best friends boyfriend kisses other best friend's ass (figuratively). I think he has a crush on her but my opinion is flawed because I think he's annoying. Am I being bias or is it actually concerning? |
t3_3uwqh9 | tifu | TIFU by almost dying from the cold. | I have a medical condition called cold urticaria. Basically, I'm allergic to the cold. Temperatures below 60F make me break out into itchy painful hives, all it takes for me to be okay, is to make sure my entire body is warm, most of the time. Luckily, I like in California, and I don't have to deal with extreme cold conditions.
Today, I was brilliant enough to not wear thermal underwear. It's 44F outside! Worse off, I also didn't check precipitation percentages, didn't bring a rainproof jacket and got rained on. I had to bike home in wet cold clothes in windy 44F weather. I got hives all over my body and my insides felt like they were on fire, and I began having trouble breathing.
Yep, I was going into anaphalactic shock. Got into apartment, ripped off clothes and jumped into warm bed. I'm feeling better now, drinking tea, and watching tv. | Allergic to cold, didn't wear enough weather protection, began going into anaphalactic shock. Could've died. |
t3_4vqw30 | relationships | My intern friends [21m] keep wanting to know the details of my[21m] full time offer at a tech company | I ended my internship last week at a top tech company and got a full-time offer. I know signing bonuses depend on how good they think you are. I got a generous package (but don't know how it compares).
A lot of my friends I made this summer who interned at the same company also got offers. They keep asking me what my package was and I don't want to talk about it. They keep pestering me for details and I told them no and a lot of them got upset and keep asking.
I don't want to talk about it but I don't want to lose my friends either. A lot of them hate me now because I won't tell them and I don't want them to think I'm a secretive guy who's hiding stuff from them. How do I deal with this situation? | My intern friends keep wanting to know the details of my full time offer package but I don't know how to say no without sounding like a selfish ahole |
t3_378em2 | relationships | (SECOND UPDATE) I (27/M) brought up the topic of marriage and gf broke down completely. | OP :
first | gf started going to therapy and became more relaxed, gave ultimatum to parents, we're trying one last time to see if they agree |
t3_297f5r | relationships | Me [25 M] not sure how to ask [20 F] out on a date through email. | So hey guys, I was on the fence for awhile but I need advice on how to ask this girl out on a date through email. I met her through a class we had together, and I only have her email. Classes have ended and email is the only way I can contact her. We aren't too close, but I'm attracted to her, and I'm sure she's at least a little attracted to me. Problem is, I know face-to-face is the way to do it, but since that's not an option I would just like to know what's the best way I can ask her out through email which I realize probably won't be successful? | Only have this girl's email, want to ask her out through email since there's no way to see her face to face, and I don't have her number. |
t3_545i6f | relationships | Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] of 5 years, says that have doubts about me. How to interpret that? (and our relationship | For some time, something about half a year, my girlfriend started to act a little weirdly. She is overreacting, getting easily mad at me for no obvious reason. One thing I noted is the fact that she is taking birth control pills, so she could be moody but for only first month according to my doctor. She is getting them for half a year.
Things are getting worse. Now it seems that everything about me annoys her. My 'stupid' jokes, which used to amuse her. Showing off my projects to her, accusing me that I'm preening. I thought that's stupid, because she is also showing her drawings to me. (she is an amateur mangaka)
I started to worry. I see that she is not well. I see that in her eyes. When I do ask her, she tells me that she is alright, but it is not. I worry to the point, that I check websites she attends to. I look after her Tumblr posts and her forum posts. If there are new ones, then I know that everything is somehow fine.
Some time ago she acussed me that I was 'stalking' her during local fantasty convention. We went there toghether so I was certain that we will spend it togheter, attending at
lectures about nearly everthing related to fantasty. But she was rather spending the time with her friends she met there. I'm not denying right to meet other people, but leaving me alone is not right. And it seems that it's my fault that I wanted to spend time with her not alone.
Now I'm really puzzled what is going on. I'm clueless because I try to motivate her, to be best for her. But it seems that it's not enough. | My GF behaviour changed drastically in really short time. She accuses me about everything, gets mad easily. I don't know what to do. |
t3_1o6ri7 | jobs | Should I quit? | Here is my situation:
I have pretty exceptional experience in strategy roles. Exceptional as in presented at conferences and quoted in newspapers as an industry analyst, at a relatively young age.
After a short time as an analyst I realized I wanted to be IN the industry as an actual product manager or strategy lead, something like that. Wanted to get my hands dirty.
Took a job that was touted as "very important" to my new department and my company. Found out that, unfortunately, the department I ultimately joined was not the strategy department. It was the production department. That department was trying to make a political move to take over more of the product strategy. Very different than I expected from the interview. Absolutely poor fit.
I am nearing my three month mark. I know I am not going to stay at this job, and I could probably pick up freelance work if I quit. The job is in a remote location so I can't interview unless I leave work fairly often and violate vacation policy. I have let my network know I am leaving imminently.
I'd like to just flat out quit. It is more fair to my employer and I need to quit to move on. Please reassure me that this calculated risk is acceptable. | I went from high trajectory to low with job transition, am in wrong department, want to quit NOW. Should I? |
t3_3ytrzf | relationships | Why is it every time my [19 M] girlfriend [19F] try to get some alone time, everyone assumes we're having sex. | This may be somewhat of a rant, but every time we try to get some time together someone tries to stop it because they think we're having sex.
If I'm at her house late, my mom thinks we're having sex and calls angrily and tells me I'm stupid. When we stay out late( my mom dislikes us together so I don't take her to my place much) her grandma assumes we're having sex.
She really wants to be alone with me and asked me to think of a way we can be together alone without being bothered. I decided I could take her to my apartment by my college. My mom immediately caught on when I said I was going up there, and asked if she was coming.
I told her yes, she repeatedly called me stupid, foolish and told me I better use a condom. We've never had sex. I'm a virgin. She wants to wait a long time before we do.
Its a hard situation. Mom doesn't like us at all and I'm pretty sure some other people I'm related to don't, which I suspect at times is because we're a mixed couple. | see the title. How can I make people trust us. Is it possible? Does anyone else have/had this issue? |
t3_1j6j50 | jobs | Please help! I could use some advice on how to get into a different career field than my major. | I graduated from UCSD in 2012 (after 3 years) with a B.A in Political Science with the intent of going to law school. I chose political science because it would allow me to finish college in 3 years. Took the LSATs, and got into a pretty good law school. I realized though that the only reason I was attending law school was due to pressure from my parents, so I decided not to attend. I didn't want to get into massive debt only to find myself in a career I hated but would be hard to leave. I've been working for teach for america this past year, and my contract is about to be up. I have the option to renew, but it's in Sacramento and I want to go to my hometown of Orange County (california).
I would like to get into finance, like investment banking or consulting. I looked at companies like Deloitte and it seems that they do almost all of their recruiting on campus. Investment banking jobs also always say they require a business focused major, and no matter how I word my cover letter and resume I never get any replies. I'm at my wits end on what to do, and I could really use any advice from people in the finance field on how to proceed. I've been teaching myself to be an advanced user of Excel, but I don't know what else to do. Thanks in advance! | Political science major from UCSD, dropped out of law school, wants to get into finance field (investment banking or consulting). Not having much luck though, and would appreciate any advice I can get. |
t3_15p8da | dating_advice | [M19] feel like an idiot. Trying to fix things to get a real chance but not sure where to go from here | A little bit of back story before main question:
So the last couple weeks of term before winter break I met this really great girl and we hit it off pretty well. Conversation was good for the most part, have a lot in common, and were getting to know each other a little personally.
The problem is I tend to hover when i like someone, in hopes of getting to talk more, and to work up courage to ask her out (bad tendancy...i know...). I did try to ask her out on a date as we were leaving one night, but worded it vaguely/wrong and I didn't get to. ("what are you doing later" -> "well, i have to study for my last final" -> didn't say anything further about date)
Now its winter break and the only source of communicating i have is via FB messaging (can't use the chat, she is never online). I sent her her a message a few days just asking her how her Christmas and break have been so far, and today i got a response that didn't say much, she just kind of said some things she's been doing.
I just don't really know where to go from here, or how to reply, or what that will even do. There's not much i can do over break since we are both home, but I fear having the gap will make things harder to pick up once its over. Even when back on campus i'm not sure when we would run into eachother again. Should I try asking her out now over a FB message even though it wouldn't be until we're both back on campus next term? | Don't know when I should try asking out a girl since its winter break, i probably won't run into her casually too often, and the only way i have of contacting her is through FB messages. |
t3_42gdb7 | relationships | My (F/31) bisexual fiance (M/30) has been looking for a hookup buddy on the DL. What do I do? | I'm a 31 yr old straight female engaged to a 30 yr old bisexual guy. We've been monogamous since we've been dating (almost 2 years) but throughout our relationship have discussed possibilities of him having a sexual outlet to jerk off with other dudes, either in a group setting or one on one. No specific parameters have ever been sorted out, so I've been assuming that we haven't reached that stage in our relationship yet. Yesterday I was scrolling through his text messages (something inside me nagged me to do it, probably trust?) and I found some messages with a guy, basically arranging to meet up for a mutual JO session. I checked the phone again later and the messages had been deleted.
I have so many questions about what I should do right now. In theory, him meeting up with someone to jerk off once in a while doesn't actually bother me too much. I'd definitely prefer that over wanting to bang dudes outside of our relationship--it just feels safer. But I can't get over the deception. How am I supposed to marry someone who, somewhat early on in our relationship, is already hiding things from me and potentially cheating on me? What am I supposed to make of this, and how am I supposed to approach him?
Any advice is SO appreciated. | Found bisexual fiance's dirty texts with another dude arranging to meet up. We've discussed being in an open relationship but no boundaries had been set. How do I make sense of this and how do I approach him? |
t3_49jxmw | relationships | My [24F] boyfriend [26M] randomly put a lock on his phone? | The title pretty much says it all. Nothing crazy happened and I have no reason to believe he's cheating or doing anything suspicious, but this morning I noticed he suddenly put a lock on his phone. We've been together for 9 years and he's had a smartphone for years and never done this, so it seemed kind of weird.
He even went out of his way to mention "I'm trying out this lock on my phone" or something, which I thought was ... odd?
I don't go through his phone or express any interest in it, so I thought it was really strange that he would mention it, almost like a guilty conscience or trying to justify the action (even though I didn't question it).
Does this seem weird? I've never locked my phone, and I never go through his stuff, so it kind of caught me off guard. If a guy randomly locks his phone, would you say that's something to worry about? Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but for some reason it rubbed me the wrong way. I wouldn't put a password on my phone unless I had something to hide. | Boyfriend of 9 years randomly put a password on his phone and made a comment about it even though I didn't ask, is this weird? |
t3_45rg8y | legaladvice | UK (Scotland): Paid for a mandatory car service. They potentially damaged my car while endangering my wellbeing. Should I take legal action? | I took my car for a service (mandatory check up) at a large car company that everyone has heard of. I was going to trade in my car too, so I had a look (at the place my car was getting serviced), found one I liked and put a refundable deposit down on it to reserve it.
My car got through its service fine, they told me my oil would need topped up in 7,000 miles and nothing else needed done, so I started driving the 6 miles to another car garage, where I was going to get it valued. As I was driving, smoke started to pour from the front of the car, and as I pulled into the car garage I looked behind and saw I had been trailing oil the whole way. I checked the oil - I had none left. I went inside the car garage to get a professional, and he told me the car could have burst into flames at any point and I couldn't drive it under any circumstances. I was a little shaken - I called the place that performed the service and they called me a taxi to get back to them. When I got there they said that they would pick up my car from the other garage on Monday, but that they couldn't comment on the problem until they'd got the car and started their investigation. They gave me a car to get home with, which they said I can keep it 'for as long as I need it'.
I don't know what damage has been done to my own car, but if I had started to drive home on the motorway the consequences could have been disastrous. I'm now waiting for them to begin their investigations, but have no idea whether or not I should get a lawyer involved, or if I am entitled to any sort of compensation for what looks to me like negligence on their part. | Paid a large car company to do a mandatory check up on my car. They potentially damaged it while endangering my wellbeing. Should I take legal action? |
t3_46yhin | relationships | [40 M] just got caught cheating on his [49 F] girlfriend of 16 years | A close friend has been cheating on his gf of 15 or 16 yrs (let's call her "Beth" to distinguish her from the mistress, "Missi") for the past 2 yrs with a 29 y/o (f) he met at a conference.
Everyone has known all along but Beth just found out. (The affair was obvious, but she ignored the signs.) Friends disapproved of the cheating but pitied him b/c his ltr was sexless (she isn't attracted to him) and for several yrs he seemed unsure he wanted to break up. It seemed like a good guy who didn't know how to break up (it is his first relationship) found somebody good for him. He was our friend and we didn't want him to cheat. But he refused to decide, saying he loved both. 2 yrs in, he has a second household w/Missi and spends most of his time there.
Now Beth knows and they've been fighting for days, but neither seem to be ending it and he won't drop his side piece. I think if they stay together he'll hide the affair (or start a new one if his mistress leaves), his gf will spy on him for the rest of his life and neither will be happy.
I don't know what advice to give. I'm afraid of him accusing me of hating Beth, but I just want them to be happy. Also, I'm afraid she may harm him or his mistress if she catches them together. | Friend cheating on gf. Afraid that if they stay together they'll torture each other forever. Want to help but don't know how. |
t3_1ijp2p | relationships | I [20M] am concerned with my Girlfriend's [21F] apathy, and I'm scared with what's going to happen next. | Alright, so just some background - When I was 15 I started dating this girl. We were together for two years and I fell completely head over heels in love with her. She was my first love, and when I was 17 we broke up, and I was devastated.
After several years we have reconnected and just recently made things official again. I'm happier than I've been in a long time and I want to do everything I can to make this relationship work.
I am very confused, however, because while she's always been very laid back and low-key, she seems extra apathetic about the whole relationship scene. She never asks to hang out, and never seems that eager to be in contact. She goes back to school 3 hours away from where I go to school at the end of the summer, and I'm doing everything I can to cherish her time here. It kills me because I've always loved this girl, and I dont want to mess things up again.
Usually at this point I'd be smart enough to realize she's not that interested, but she was the first to initiate intimacy in the relationship, and she was the first one to drop the 'love' bomb again. She was also the one who asked to become official. Every now and then she'll seem super into things, but then that goes away.
Ultimately, she tells me she loves me, and she seems sincere. I love her too. I have for a long time. I've passively asked her about being disinterested and she denies it all, claiming she's super happy etc etc. I don't want to end things, but what could be the cause for this apathy? Wouldn't someone who's newly in love want to see their SO a lot, and grasp onto what available time they have before embracing a somewhat long distance relationship? | GF seems apathetic about our relationship, but claims she's in love with me, and was the one who wanted things to be official. I don't understand the mixed emotions. |
t3_pr9j6 | AskReddit | Reddit, convince my roommate that citizens with guns is a good idea, and if not, why? | The right to [bear arms] **I should point out my roommate is a Redditor, and hopefully enough people join this, and he'll get in on it.**
My roommate and I really got into it about this last night. He is a liberal, and respects rights by all means necessary, he is also very moral. He absolutely believes in the right to gay marriage, because he adamantly opposes the belief that you as a citizen can take away another citizens rights. Though he said that if he could, he would vote to **completely** remove our right to bear arms, regardless of background checks or restrictions, like a straight up gun prohibition.
**45 comments and not ONE up vote? come on! Upvote so we can get more people in on this! This is my throwaway anonymous account, so no worries on Karma whoring. Please!**
He spouted a lot of stuff about the dangers of gun ownership, crime rates, accidental deaths, and the risk of escalating a situation to a fatal point.
I however am convinced by some numbers such as [these] that there is a solid argument for gun ownership. His hypocrisy kind of shocked me, he stated he believes in his right to vote on gun ownership in a totalitarian form, because he "believes it's destructive to society" when that is the very thing that anti-gay marriage protesters say when they want the right to vote on it, instead of leaving it up to the state.
Please! Please Reddit! I am dying to harness the power of Redditor fact checking and research, I can't live believing that there really is no hope for defending ourselves, and that guns are not a practical way to go about it.
**The main thing is, given the status quo, in America guns exist, people have them, bad people have them, and carry them with an intent to commit crime on many occasions. I understand that Europe and Australia and similar places have very different realities when it comes to guns, but in America, it is simply not the case that we can just wish things were different. What are the facts and arguments given the current climate? | My roommate believes we shouldn't have guns and spouts random assumptions about the facts, Reddit, what are the facts/arguments? |
t3_1roevu | relationship_advice | I'm [36/m] missing my girlfriend [28/f] who I only had for two months. She left so she could "work on herself" emotionally. She asked to be left alone and it's hard to let go. I want to fight for the relationship. Any advice? | I probably should just let this relationship go, but she's a fantastic woman. She told me in our break-up that she thought I was an amazing man and that she'd look me up whenever she felt she got her emotional head back on straight... apparently some ex-bf's treated her pretty horribly and she was constantly concerned I was going to do something to hurt her. Whenever she'd tell me about this fear I'd ask what did I say or do to cause her to feel this? "Nothing, it's nothing you did" she'd say. I just feel awful and I miss her so much. I tried to explain that there are hard times in relationships and part of what I wanted to do was be there to support her, but she said no. I got the feeling that she never had a guy who was willing to fight for her, but I am yet I want to be respectful of her wish to be left alone.
I texted her earlier today to wish her a happy thanksgiving and didn't get a response. So... I kind of think I know my answer but I wanted to get some other peoples' perspectives. It really hurts being without her, I think it's safe to say I fell for her pretty hard but at the end of the day I really want her to be happy. | GF left because she was getting close to me but was afraid of being hurt in our relationship. She asked to be left alone but I don't know if I should press to fight for our relationship or not. |
t3_4ur6d5 | relationships | I [25M] got to third base with my friend [25M] of 5 years and am now questioning my sexuality, his sexuality, and my feelings towards him. | A few times a year I travel to visit one of my best friends who lives out of state. We've always had a very strong "bromance," but about a year ago I began to feel like there might be sexual tension between us.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I visit him and we drink a little more than usual and end up getting to third base, share a bed, and then fool around some more (sober) the next morning.
Since that night we have become even closer, talking nearly every day, but we haven't discussed the significance of our night together, or what it means for our friendship.
I know sexuality is a spectrum, but up until this point I'd considered myself straight. As far as I know, he had/has also identified as straight, but hasn't dated or pursued anyone
in the 5 years that I've known him.
His friendship is extremely important to me, but I can't help but wonder if we could become more... I'm trying to figure out how I can express my feelings for him and ask him if he has feelings for me while minimizing the risk of messing up our friendship. The last thing I want is for my feelings to drive a wedge between us. | Got to third base with a friend, and while we are now closer than ever, we haven't discussed what it meant. I'm worried about damaging the friendship by wanting more.* |
t3_gt51m | relationships | Should I try to break up my coworker and his GF? | Dear Reddit, I (32f) and this guy (33m) have worked together as co-leads on a very successful software project. Over time I inadvertently fell in love with him and I always thought he had the same feelings about me. I'm recently divorced, and as luck would have it he started dating a woman just before my ex moved out.
His girlfriend lives in another part of the country, it's an ldr and neither of them are willing to move to the others area. Also, she's still married (separated as her state has 1year waiting period) and apparently her parents really dislike him. Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me so I told him in January that I had feelings. He told me that he also really likes me but his girlfriend is divorcing her husband to be with him, so he can't dump her.
Over the next couple months he started dressing a lot better, going out of his way to hang out and generally flirting with me. He also told me he wishes she would break up with him. He also said that whenever hes with her he wishes it was me. So i got my hopes up. But now almost end of April and I'm heartbroken and miserable.
So what do you think I should do? Try harder to get him to break up with her? (like maybe ask him to?) or should I just move on? | I'm in love with my coworker and he really likes me back. Should I try harder to break him and his ldr girlfriend or just let things happen? |
t3_yvobl | relationship_advice | My gf[19/f] got a job at a bar yesterday, on her first day a man offered her $500 to leave me[21/m] and hook up with him. Any advice on how to cope with her new job? | My gf got a job at a bar yesterday, on her first day a man offered her $500 to leave me and hook up with him. I am pretty insecure about her getting hit on by guys who are probably a lot more attractive than me, every night. And not getting home until 3 am.
I know it boils down to trust and support.
I have never had to deal with anything like this in a relationship. Any advice from some one who has maybe been in a similar situation, or advice from girls who work as bartenders, would be really appreciated. Thanks!
Male, 21 years old, 1 month long relationship | Girl friend has a new job where she is hit on every night, and basically makes money by flirting with other men. How do I cope with this? |
t3_dzj7k | self | Perfumes and sexism - or why I hate jerks in public spaces | This is going to be a quick thing.
So, reddit, I have a sensitive sniffer. Certain smells hurt - sting. Painful. Bad news. One of the things that really set me off are the cheap Sears storefront perfumes that so many females in my age group wear. It isn't theatrics or some curmudgeonly thing when I get uncomfortable around it, it is just a reaction because I get headaches.
Earlier today when in the library a young woman came down to sit at the table I was studying at (library = full) with her friends. Beyond the fact that they did not ask if they could sit at the table, one of them was drenched in the perfume as if she had simply showered in it. After about 10 minutes of being awful polite and putting up with their rearranging my books to make space for themselves and chatting I started really getting a raging headache. I asked the young woman if she could be so kind as to try and find another space for herself and her friends since I am legit sensitive to that smell, but instead I was roundly attacked for being a 'sexist, misogynist pig'. Now, that is a moniker I really do enjoy throwing at people who are being 'sexist, misogynist pigs.' But what the hay did I do to get that one? I asked politely and explained my rationale and didn't even bring up some of their other actions, but still, I got an earful - in a silent library - for a minute or two while trying to hold my ground until I was gently asked to leave by a librarian. | I got called a sexist for asking someone who stunk of perfume to find another place to sit because it feels like I'm snorting salt. |
t3_2jzkss | relationships | How can I [19 M] make this [20 F] Happy, How can I make a sad girl happy? | I really like this girl, and i'm willing to go the extra mile to help her out but i'm not sure how to do it.
I never knew she was sad and depressed until one of the girls that knew her came to me and told me that she was thinking of leaving college since she had no friends and she had a hard time making them, which made her very lonely and depressed.
She is in the same class as me and she sits right behind me. The first time i met her she seemed like a really nice girl, and i really enjoyed talking with her. We would sometimes walk outside of class and laugh together.
Once i was told that she wasnt very happy i got really sad, and i wanted to do everything that is in my power to help her out.
Now there is one problem, she doesnt seem to want my help. I feel like she wants friends that are girls and not guys. I try to talk to her via message but it takes her time to reply and doesnt seem so talkative as she is in real life.
I asked her to go out for lunch or dinner but she said she has dance practice, and she will be free next week
I really dont know what to do to cheer her up, im willing to do anything, i just want to see her happy. Please help | I like a girl in my class, she is sad and thinking of leaving college because she has no friends and is depressed. She doesn't seem to want my help, but I want to help her. Please help ! |
t3_1kr0wq | relationships | How do I [34/F] love a nerd [M/35]? | I met a great guy on OKC about 6 weeks ago. He has most of the qualities I want in a long term partner. He is intelligent, very kind, loving, employed, and also looking for a LTR that would lead to marriage. Our sex life is even pretty good most of the time which is more than I can ask for this early on in a relationship. By all indications he is crazy about me and thinks I could possibly be the one. Lucky us!
So here is the difficulty I am having in returning his enthusiasm: we are having difficulty communicating and I don't know how to fix it. I have brought it up several times. He says he is totally willing to work at it because he is so into the relationship. That said, this is a man of the internet. He has never had a relationship that didn't start online. His activities are primarily the internet, watching netflix for hours at a time, or playing video games. When I am "sad" or "annoyed" he doesn't pick up on those social cues. He does not seem to have great social awareness in general. I want to be direct with him, but I am worried that I may hurt his feelings or make him feel back about himself. I obviously do not want that.
In many ways I can see us having a great relationship if we could overcome the communication differences. Given our differences and my previous attempts to rectify the situation, how do I get us on the same page? | Awesome new nerdy, internet boyfriend needs lessons in how to be an awesome IRL boyfriend. How do I get him to see that! |
t3_2s3qc4 | relationships | I [21 M] can't tell if I'm poking holes in the relationship with my SO [24 F]. | I met my SO 8 months ago through a class we were both taking at a commuter college. At the time, I just ended a former relationship where my last partner and I had very little in common. My current SO was completely the opposite. She was supportive of everything I did, we had plenty in common, and we both felt very comfortable around each other.
At first, she was open to going wherever I had planed. We hung out with friends, went on a wide variety of different dates (from walking in a park to running with bulls), and it was fun and exciting.
Now, I feel like don't have any chemistry left. As stated, she was more than willing to go and try new things but now all she wants to do is go to dinner, get coffee, and stay at home. Don't get me wrong I am more than okay doing that every now and then but not 6 times in a row. Every time I try and make an effort to do something different shes not for it.
The worst thing is probably the distance. When we first started dating, we went to the same school, had more free time, and work never conflicted. Now, I work nights at a bar while she works day shifts. She also transferred to a nursing college in the fall semester so I can not even see her at school anymore. Now I feel like the distance is too much. When I'm awake shes asleep and vice versa. I know its going to be worse when school starts back up and even if we do lunch or something similar to try and see each other the conversations between us are just dull.
I cant tell if I'm poking holes in the relationship or not. Shes an awesome, caring, sweet girl who has her life together, but she doesn't make me feel complete. I'm an outgoing, loud, extroverted person who needs to be challenged. She is an introvert, who only seems to be completely comfortable when shes talking to me. Shes great, but I'm not sure if she is the ideal person for me. | I have something great, but maybe shes not the right one for me, Is it wrong if I want more? |
t3_1xh1x4 | relationships | How often to chat in a new long-distance relationship. Me [23M] Her [21F] | So I met her through friends months ago and we've seen each other every 2-3 weeks since then, she goes to school 2.5 hours away and only i have a car. Things have been going flawlessly, just technically starting going steady. I feel like I might have went a tad overboard with the affection recently and I don't want to scare her, so I'm pulling back a little. She just left a long distance relationship. The distance isn't far for me and her, but its far enough that I don't know how to make sure she remains interested. Human beings aren't meant to be apart for weeks at a time, especially during the first stages of a relationship, there is a serious physical element in this equation. I really don't want to loose her to her naturally loosing interest. I also don't want to smother her because she's busy with school, and I know it's important to leave her her own space to do what she wants. | is it bad to go a day without saying a word to each other? 2 days? 3? 4? etc. Should I wait for her to say something to me more often? |
t3_388xid | relationships | My [28M] girlfriend [28F] has had a very stressful life, but never wants to talk about anything. I'm not used to such limited communication, and feel a bit lost. | Hi Reddit!
I have been dating my wonderful girlfriend for 6 months. She and I are compatible in many ways, but she has had a fairly stressful/traumatic life (parents are both alcoholics, was possibly molested as a child, has been in 2 abusive relationships, and was sexually assaulted while abroad, among other things) that sometimes cause what I perceive to be communication issues.
In my past relationships, I have not had any issues with clear communication. However, my current girlfriend will often tell me about difficult situations, upsetting thoughts, triggered emotions, etc. related to her past, followed quickly by "I don't want to talk about it". Just the other day, I could tell that she was upset after she had visited with her parents. When I asked her about it, she refused to tell me why that visit was upsetting.
While I understand that different people have different boundaries, and that she is entitled to her privacy and only "obligated" to share whatever she is comfortable divulging to me, I find myself in a unique position. I find it oddly unsettling when she refuses to tell me what is going on with her, particularly because her past continues to exert a fairly strong influence on her present mood and outlook on things. However, I also understand that she's probably scared to be completely forthcoming with me about some of her more difficult experiences, both because doing so would make her feel vulnerable, and because that requires A LOT of trust. That being said, the privacy has made it difficult for me to feel like our relationship is progressing, and has made it more difficult for ME to build trust in her, given that there are so many things that I'm not "allowed" to know about.
Does anybody else have experience with this type of situation? I love my girlfriend and am committed to her, but I'm not completely satisfied with the level of communication we have at the moment. | girlfriend has had a traumatic past that continues to affect her today, but refuses to talk to me about it. I find this frustrating, but I also understand her reservations. Help!? |
t3_4l1vk6 | relationships | Me [29 M] with my now ex gf [21F] just broke up..... | because she just got accepted to be a flight attendant she is and finishing up school. This is all new to her and she has a lot going on. The other day she told me that she wanted to break up because her emotions were not in the relationship and she needed to focus on her career. She suffers from anxiety as well so this flight attendant training is really stressing her out. She told me typical story about how I will find someone special soon and without the emotional baggage and that we can be friends but she needs to focus right now and her emotions are not there. I really this girl, we have only been dating for 2 months but it was a great two months. I was actually starting to fall for her. I had a conversation with her I told her that I understand your emotions and we maybe talk about what we can after she gets from training but she was not having. I don't want to lose this girl and look back on my life and think she was the one. Don't want to have that regret. So what should I do and how I can show that even though she has been through a lot and feeling this I can still connect with her emotionally? | GF broke up with me because she needs to focus on career and said we were not on the same level in terms of emotional history. What can I do to get her back? |
t3_2bevsb | relationships | I'm caught in a dilemma between two friends and don't know what to do | Names have been altered to protect everyone involved.
Joe (28, male, single) has been mentioning that Steve (30, male, married for 7 years) must not be fucking his wife (Amy, 29, female, married for 7 years) right because she's been extra flirtatious lately (she has been very flirty, calling people sexy and being touchy feely). Last night, I was over at Joe's house with a few buddies, and Amy came over. She went into Joe's room, and they closed the door, turned some music on, and turned off the lights.
After over an hour, the rest of us left, feeling uncomfortable and unsure of what to think. They were still in the bedroom.
Now here's the question: do I approach Steve and tell him what happened? I don't know if they were committing adultery, it just seems inappropriate that a married woman spent that long behind closed doors with a single man. I'm torn, and don't know what to do. I want to do what seems right and tell Steve, but I don't want to start a fight with Joe. Can someone help me, please? | I suspect infidelity between Joe (28, male, single) and Amy (29, female, married for 7 years) because they were spending an inappropriate amount of time together, alone and in the dark. |
t3_jl0dp | AskReddit | Reddit, I faked an accent at a bar with my friends and ended up hooking up with this random chick. I maintained the accent during the entire exchange. Is there a moral dilemma here? | Two weeks ago, I was outside smoking a cigarette with a bunch of my friends outside of a bar. Pursuant to the tradition we established in college, we started quoting movies ad nauseum. The Departed came up and I put on a wicked Bahstin acksent, talking about my-crow-praw-sess-az, who john lennon was, etc A group of girls strolls by and one of them comes up to me and asks if I was from Boston - I figure its a prime opportunity to see how well I can act/see how stupid this girl is. I tell her I'm from Cambridge and I'm down here visiting my cousin, give her a fake name; I finish my cigarette, we go inside, drink and dance. I end up hooking up with her. The entire time I never break character, and my friends told me that I was "actually pretty good at it." I remain convicted that she hooked up with me because I was ostensibly from New England as that was the focus of our ENTIRE conversation... does hooking up under false pretenses create some morally questionable quandary? | hooked up with a girl faking an accent the entire time, but apparently I sold it well. Was it wrong? |
t3_3i0djv | relationships | [16 M] Signs were pointing to my close female friend [16 F] having feelings for me, but this makes me a bit unsure. What does this mean/What do i do? | *Never had a real girlfriend/intimate relationship.
So my close female friend (16) and I (16) talk on a daily basis though I haven't seen her since school got out for summer. She's constantly asking for my opinion on things/advice. I always try to help her out the best I can. (I really like her). I asked her what was up the other day and we were just talking in general. She said she was super stoked because she was going to a party that night and she was excited to get drunk. Looking out for her, I advised her not to over-do it and be careful etc. She agreed, said she would and so on. I get a message from her later on in the night saying she fucked up super bad and needed my help. I asked her what had happened. She said she drank too much and went on to hookup with a guy that her friend had a thing with. She texted me that she fucked up super bad, doesn't know what to do etc.
I told her that I had warned her and that she should've listened to me, etc. She started saying she knew, thanking me messaged me "love u" and "miss u so much" blah blah blah. She asked me to hangout, where i was. (Wasnt able to hang w her.)
At this point I don't really know what to think because originally i was convinced that she may have liked me even though we were really close friends. I am always super nice to her/treat her well, etc.
What should I do? | Close female friend always asks me for advice/help, comes to me when she needs something, I thought she may have had feelings for me, but fucked up bad. |
t3_1f8oau | relationships | How can I [21] move past being attracted to a man other than my boyfriend [23]? | So long story short, my current boyfriend and I (I'm female) met online several years ago, and knew from the off we were attracted to each other. Since we were both so young at the time, we knew we couldn't actually be in a relationship, but we have always been in touch. Eventually, I got the chance to temporarily relocate and considerably reduce the distance between us (although it is still a long distance relationship), so we decided to give the whole 'proper relationship' thing a go. We've been 'official' for 9 months now.
I'm going to get to see him again in a few weeks, and I have been counting down for months. But about two weeks ago, I started working more closely with a colleague on a project and have developed feelings for him, and I'm 99% sure he feels the same. I haven't done anything, made sure he knows I'm in a committed relationship, and I will only be seeing him for a few more weeks. I don't want to end my relationship for a meaningless fling with someone I'm only infatuated with, but I'm finding the situation difficult to deal with. Before my current boyfriend and I became 'official', we basically had a don't ask don't tell policy, so I've never had to exercise self-restraint before.
I'd like some advice on how I can move through this infatuation as quickly and smoothly as possible. I know I'm probably too young to be thinking about settling down, but my feelings for the other guy are filling me with guilt and making me wonder if I'll ever be able to settle down or if I'm the cheating-type. | I'm attracted to another man, and I'm having a hard time restraining myself now my partner and I are 'official' and I need advice on what I should do. |
t3_27hiwn | personalfinance | Roth IRA - Significant difference between contributing to one vs. two accounts? | I read through the FAQ and did not see anything addressing this specifically. I *think* I know the answer, but just wanted to check with those more knowledgable than myself.
Background:
My wife and I each have a Roth IRA. I also have a Roth 401k, through my job, that I contribute to and they match up to 6% :). (My wife stays at home). We already have our emergency fund, and our only debt is our mortgage which we are overpaying on pretty heavily. We would like to set aside 15% of our income towards retirement based the Dave Ramsey plan. Currently we are setting aside 12% (6% me, 6% from my generous employer) - so we have decided another 3% is going to go into either or both of our IRAs.
So my question is, *assuming an equal rate of return*, would there be any advantage to sticking all 3% into one account (say my wife's) vs. putting 1.5% in mine and 1.5% in hers. I understand diversity is important and that argument, but in reality the portfolios of the two accounts are pretty similar. I am just wondering about compounding interest, etc. I also understand that we have a maximum contribution per year, but this 3% wouldn't be enough to exceed that even if its all put into one account - so for now thats a non-issue.
I believe that it really doesn't matter, but just want to ensure there is not some mathematical exponential growth that I am not thinking of/understanding that could have made alot more gains over the next 40-50. years | Assuming equal rate of return, would be any different if an amount of money were put into 1 account, or if it were split between 2 accounts? |
t3_2v0ol1 | relationships | Not sure if I [22M] should continue 3 year relationship with [20F] | In the beginning, we loved each other so much and had such wonderful sex. She was rather inexperienced, and because of that, very vanilla, and still is. I've been around a little more and also I believe I have a much higher libido than her. She is and has been my best friend the entire time and we have lived together for almost 2 years. Over the last half year or so, our sex life has drastically dwindled.
Now recently, we have sex about once every 10 days, and its always kind of short (she will become sore or we both just get tired, often neither of us finishing). It seems like we have little to no romance anymore, and its putting a strain on our relationship.
We both work a lot and go to school so we just see each other at night when we both get off work. We watch Netflix and fall asleep and neither of us ever is in the mood to have sex. Also she never masturbates which I find weird. I got her an njoy wand and she has used it once and that was with me asking her to use it.
I realize its not one of our faults, but rather something we both need to work on. Sex is extremely important to me and I think she could take it or leave it.
Is there use in trying to make it work and bring back our sex life? Or am I too young to be struggling with intimacy issues in a relationship?
Thank you in advance for your responses, and let me know if there is anything I can answer | young and value sex alot, can't decide if its worth sticking in a relationship with my best friend, where there is little romance anymore |
t3_2suu7s | relationship_advice | [17M] Can you get a second "first impression" after not speaking someone for a while? | Hey all I'm a 17 year old guy never had a real relationship have confessed my love 3 times over the last 6 years all time i got rejected. Bit of extra information about this last girl [17F], I never really confessed to her. We chatted alot could talk for hours to each other we even went for walks together (sort of dae like) but we never did anything. Neither did i confess since I noticed she always had something to do when I asked her to go do something. So in the end I felt like she didn't want to go further than friends seeming she was sort of avoiding these date situations. 8 months ago our school ended and our conversations became less often and less till we didn't speak to each other anymore. But this girl 8 months later I still can't stop thinking about her the first 2 girls i could get over withint 1week-1 month but she is just staying in my head. So I was curious is there a possibilty that she might've had feelings for me (she was a really shy girl and had some trust issues) but was just scared? Cause I want to get in touch with her again, cause I still have feelings that I can't get rid off! So how weird is it for me to randomly start talking to her again trough skype or whatsapp? And if I do this and she does things like give short answers stuff like "ok" or never starts conversations back to me. How should I handle these situations and what do you think is her opinion on me? Also if I manage to get another one of those walking/dates with her I will gather the balls to officialy confess to her. | still have feelings for crush who i haven't spoken to nor seen in 8 months. So i wan't to get back in touch how weird is this and what are my odds? |
t3_28a6fh | relationships | My Ex (now friend with benefits) [22F] finally broke the 9 month dry spell she was putting on her BF and I [25M] don't know how to feel about it. | My ex and I have been on and off for 4 years. Early last year during a downtime in our relationship she became attached to someone new because I too thought I found someone new. Later along the road in her new relationship they became a couple.
It only took a couple weeks before realizing that the new person I thought I'd like wasn't the one for me and that I was missing my ex. I decided to break ties with the new girl and started talking to my ex once again and she ended up falling for me again as well. I found out about her new SO and our friendship became complicated. Apparently her SO doesn't give her much attention, so we had a lot of time to spend together.
Around August/September of last year our friendship became very intimate and in the end turned sexual probably because of the fact that she gave most of her attention to me instead of her SO. She tells me she still wants us to be close, but she loves her SO.
Months pass, we still pretty much do everything together, other than the times she's with her SO. There were a couple times where we talked about our situation and I asked her what exactly was I to her. Is being a third wheel a tool? I know what we're doing is wrong, but I still think I'm in love with her.
A couple weeks ago she tells me she's almost on that level where she'd love me again, so that made me pretty happy. Then a couple days ago she was out drinking with her friends and SO. She got drunk and they ended up having sex. She told me the next day because she didn't want to hide it from me. Now I can't get the thought of it out of my head and it sucks. Should I even be affected by this since I'm the extra. She's cheating on him with me and not the other way around. | Ex is cheating on her bf and decided to be intimate and sexual with me until the other night when she finally gave him some. Where and how to input feels? |
t3_31q9q0 | relationships | [Distance] I (22F) am abusing my 3-year partner (23M), and I want to stop. | Throwaway for obvious reasons. This is very hard for me to talk about, and I'm not sure if it's in the right place. There may be triggers. This is a long distance relationship, and we are due to meet up in one month.
I came into this relationship after being in an abusive relationship. I was hit, controlled, punished, and treated awfully by my ex, and he eventually left me after I got sick from stress. I have anxiety and depression, and am off and on medication.
My current partner, has done nothing wrong. He hasn't hurt me, or been abusive. He's put in so much effort into this relationship. He's done nothing wrong.
I, on the other hand, have been emotionally and mentally abusive to him. I've lied to him about countless things, manipulated him, and hurt him in many ways. For some reason I can't understand, he still loves me and doesn't want me to leave.
He tells me if I want to fix things, that I will stay and change and be a good person and ultimately repair the relationship.
I feel that this can't be done, and the best thing I can do for him right now is to cancel the flights, cut contact and leave, essentially repeating what my ex did to me.
I don't know what I should do. I don't want to hurt him anymore, and you don't do this to someone you love. I can't see this being anything more than a failed relationship, and a wakeup call to go see a psychiatrist.
Please help. I need outsider opinions, even if they'll all tell me I'm a psychopath. | After being abused by an ex, I am now abusing my partner of 3 years. I want to stop, but the only option I see is to leave him, which he doesn't want. |
t3_2an17x | askwomenadvice | My mom (35) has just been cheated on by her boyfriend (34). | My mom has been dating this dude for about a 3 years and a half. Anyway, end of May, my mom, siblings, and I left for the Philippines and came back Wednesday. Mom's boyfriend picked us up, although he was around an hour and a half late. That night, while my mom dropped him off at his house (they share a car) mom noticed a new Honda in the driveway, to which he replied "It's my niece's friend's." Over the course of 3 days, mom's boyfriend began acting strangely, and when mom tried to talk to him, he would burst out angrily. Finally, on Friday, he called mom and asked when they'll live together. Mom gently refused, and he hung up. Seconds later, this jerk sent pictures of his new girlfriend taken in June, and began ridiculing and attacking my mother emotionally (with insults like: "She's better than you, more attractive, loving, caring, etc. He also admitted they had only met "recently", and that she had bought him the Honda ) He changed his profile picture on Facebook of him and the girl, and posted something about what happened on Facebook, but I'm not sure what he said, since he apparently blocked my mother and soon anyone else connected to her.
On Saturday, mom came to pick up her stuff, only to find that the girl's bags and clothing, and was told by one of his relatives that they were planning to marry, and that he's been seeing her since before or during April. Now, she's been crying for a while, but I think she's getting over it.. or not.. I know violence isn't the solution, but I swear the next time I see the guy he better be prepared. | Mom's boyfriend of 3 years cheated on her, and I'm pretty sure has leaked everything about it on Facebook. I'd like to know what she could do. |
t3_y5yqi | relationship_advice | Boyfriend & I are going to become listed as 'single' on Facebook soon due to college/agenda issues...how do I avoid nosy people? ;-/ | So short story, Facebook is this generations pitfall and best creation. Hundreds of my friends and boyfriends' friends have followed our 3 year relationship and we are going to mutually and peacefully end it, continue talking, and see where we are when our lives settle a little bit-I am 20, he is 21. But I know for a fact, people are going to freak out once we are listed as single, and as mellow as I sound about our future break-up, it also tears me apart and I -really- am not looking forward to my Facebook "friends" saying "Oh I'm so sorry" as no one I know has gone through something like this before, plus I feel like most people on Facebook are just nosy now-a-days and I don't feel the need to make a big deal out of it. **I know this is a ridiculously first world problem to have, but I really don't want to add salt to the wound by getting ganged up on by strange Facebook friends | boyfriend and I breaking up, don't want nosy people confronting me on/through Facebook, how do i avoid it? |
t3_1c70md | dogs | Just looking for some general input/advice | Hey everyone, i made a post a while ago looking for input on my dogs behaviour I chose to save up and seek a professional dog trainers help to tackle some of the issues my dog was posing. I looked around and found a dog trainer in my area via Yeah i live in Toronto, Canada -_-. So i found a guy named Tom his pretty well known i even had a friend vouch for him.
So i set up an appointment and on the first day he worked with me and the dog teaching me and showing me some things i could work on. I told him one of the problems with my dog was if i opened the door he would bolt out the door and run around in the road. What im worried about is my dog getting into an accident or in trouble. so we work on Down stay with my dog. My dog is very very stubborn and he is a pretty big dog, 135lbs shiloh shepherd male, Tom then says for my dogs situation i would have to use e-collar training. I was open to it but im not sure if its the right think to go about it. He is a professional but im having problems going through with it. Sadly i did try it and my dog seems happier now that i can take him for a walk without him pulling me into the road. The only way i used to be able to walk him was with haltee but he constantly scrapped his face on the floor hurting himself trying to get it off. I was looking for some input into my wierd situation hopefully someone can shine some light and help me decide on what to do. | Have a huge dog, dog got away with doing w.e it wanted for 8 months, Contacted trainer. Trainer told me that e-collar training is best way. Having problems going through with it. |
t3_284mmo | relationships | Me [26F] with my SO [31 M] going on over a year, is he really serious about me? | This happens on many occasions but for some reason this morning in particular seemed to bother me. We've been dating for over a year and when it's just me and him I feel like everything's going great, we do a lot together, we talk and goof around but when it comes to other aspects in different parts of his life I just really don't feel like I have a place, it's like I'm put into my own secluded section. What I mean by this is, I realize a lot of his friends are not in state, and I've never met them, but when he gets phone calls from them and I'm around, he never answers the phone and waits until I'm at work or out to talk with them. When I visit him at work for lunch sometimes he always has plenty of co-workers who walk by and say hi and a few words to him and I never get introduced, I just kind of sit there... (granted yes, I could just try and introduce myself, but when it's an exchange, for example, about how great the weather is and how they both loved taking their motorcycles to work, it's difficult and awkward for me to just say "hi! I'm his girlfriend!". And this morning he mentioned he's going to go visit his brother and nephew while I'm at work. Again, it's always going out to to family or friend stuff when I'm preoccupied. Don't get me wrong, I think it's absolutely great to go visit them! It's just if I go out with friends or to visit family 98% of the time I at least invite him or try to include him in. For me it feels like I am at the 1% of inclusion... and it's making me feel a little put off and insecure, like he's ashamed of me. I'm not really sure what to think and would like a little outside input before I say anything to him. | Doesn't introduce me or include me in his family/friend life. Not sure if he's serious or maybe even ashamed of me? |
t3_3rhze3 | relationships | I [22 M] think I haven't been treating my GF [23 F] right. Should I change my attitude and am I being an asshole? | Made a throwaway because people know my reddit account and I don't feel like them talking to me about this. Anyway... I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 8 months now. We've always had a good bond but I admit I have been a bit of an asshole sometimes. And it's only hit me now. She's a very sweet girl who only tries to see the positive in things, so it makes me feel bad.
I realize that sometimes I do point out flaws and not in a good way. And that sometimes I don't pay enough attention to her but what mostly caught my attention for this is the way that I react to her sometimes. Some weeks ago we were talking and she was only trying to help and comfort me but instead I told her to stop talking bullshit because that's all she talks and I told her that she made me feel like crap. She apologized for it and then didn't talk to me for like 5 days.
I think I've been taking her for granted and by no means do I mean to be rude or mean to her but it just happens. I don't really realize in the moment of saying things that I'm actually being a douche. Should I change my attitude and if so, how? Any tips? | Been kind of an asshole to my GF and think I need to change my attitude. Am I wrong/any tips? |
t3_gx41n | personalfinance | I make a bunch of money, but my credit score sucks so no one will give me an auto loan.. shut up and take my money! Advice please? | Hi Guys,
Hopefully someone on here can help me out with some advice for this. (And hopefully right subreddit..) I'll start off by saying, my credit sucks. It's in the mid 500's right now. I spent the majority of my late teens and early 20's financially very immature and not paying things back. I've had a job for the past 5 years making about 70k, and a couple weeks ago started a new job making just over 6 figures and some change.
My old car is about to die, and I'm in need of a new one, knowing this I've begun to attack my credit and try to make it better. I've spent the last week doing self credit reports, calling the creditors/collectors and either paying debts off in full or making payments towards them. I've paid off about 7 k worth of debt in one week. My old auto loan is down to about 1500 bucks and my remaining debt is around 3k total.
However I keep running into a WALL when I try to get an auto loan.. I've been looking at slightly nicer cars (lincoln mkz, infinity g35 type, entry luxury class), and the bottom line is I could buy or make lease payments on 2 of them if I wanted to (I have the income to do it), the sales people are ecstatic when I walk in until they run a hard credit report against me and see that ever ominous 548 (that hasn't budged even though I've cleaned up more than half my credit, and have at least contacted everyone).
What are my options? Am I screwed with this number being more important than what I bring in? I feel like shouting at them to shut-up and take my money, I would be the easiest sale of their day! | My credit score is the only thing cramping my style, am I screwed with a KIA for now even though I make over 6 figures? |
t3_sbvv6 | AskReddit | How do you all prefer such instant gratification content over in-depth posts? (multi-part question) | I can't take it anymore, Reddit. I use RES to filter out all the quickmeme type sites I see on here. I've unsubscribed from all the defaults, and continue to migrate to smaller and smaller subs to get away from the circlejerking and image macros (what most of you call memes). Every day, more and more of them seem strife over that fact that so many people want instant gratification content. I'm tired of spending an equal or greater time filtering out what I consider junk, than finding unique content, learning, and participating in actual conversation. I hate the fact that "The front page of the Internet" is just rage comics, cat pictures, 3 second old facebook responses knocking people who believe in a god.
1. What sites do those of you who prefer more "mature" content prefer to visit? Is there anything similar to the [old Reddit] now? Hacker News is nice for the computer science slant. I also enjoy MetaFilter, as the one time registration cost seems to keep most of the rubbish out.
2. How do all of you that upvote and fight for the instant gratification content to overtake every nook and cranny of this site feel about using the feel about using what is probably the most important tool in the history of mankind (the Internet, not Reddit itself) to shelter yourselves from expanding your knowledge? | (Sad that I feel the need to include this) I like to use my free time on the Internet to learn and expand my horizons, but Reddit has become anti-intellectual. Where do I go? |
t3_2j5t9l | relationships | My [20,M] relationship with my sister [15,F] is really bad. Do you think I should try to improve it, and if so, how? | My relationship with my sister is really bad. I'm 5 years older than her and since I was young i always wanted a little brother. I remember my parents leading me on, only to tell me after the birth that it was a girl, which left me really disappointed. I never really played with her, or was sincerely 'friends' with her. I just looked after her, made food for her if my parents went out, and that's about it.
Now, i'm 20, and i'm moving to Germany next year for work, and I may not see her again for quite a long time. Trying to be close to her is really awkward, and conversation just isn't natural (for example, i simply cannot give her a hug, because that feels *really* awkward!). For most of our lives, we've only had small-talk.
I think she cares about me, more than I care about her, despite how cold I am to her. Honestly, after 15 years of apathy towards her (which I don't do intentionally, it just arose out of habit because I never saw the point of a little sister when I was younger), it just seems natural to have a very formal relationship with each other. Though if she disappeared tomorrow, I would really miss her.
Those who have siblings, what is your advice? Thank you | I don't have a good relationship with my sister. Is it worth the effort to rectify it, despite it feeling too weird and awkward? |
t3_1fihvw | relationships | I [16F] always visit my [33M] dad during the summer, ever since I was 4. This is the first summer I do not go & I'm hurt. | I live with my mom in a different state than my dad so I only ever get to see him in June or July. Back in August I went to his house because I wanted to be with him for one whole school year for the experience of living with him. Unfortunately I left as soon as the first semester ended because of problems with his wife. Me and him still kept touch & she did not shake our relationship. A few weeks ago he asked me when I would come to his house & I admitted that I wasn't exactly sure if I wanted to because of the problems with his wife but he convinced me to see him & my 3 siblings that live with him. After he talked about it with his wife, he called me & let me know that he didn't have the money for my ticket. That surprised me greatly because he's always been on the wealthy side. Two months ago he bought tickets for his family to visit Dominican Republic. One month ago he bought tickets for his family to visit Puerto Rico. They stayed at hotels both times & had a blast. 3 months before that they went on a cruise. I'm not sure wether all these trips caused him to be a little low on money, or if his wife simply doesn't want me there. But even if he IS low on money, it hurts to know that he wasted his money on vacations rather than saving it up to see me. I don't know wether to confront him or be a little more sensitive to his money issue.
I'll take all advice into consideration. Thank you. | I always visit my dad during the summer but this year I can't because he either waisted his money on vacations or his wife doesn't want me there. |
t3_1uloon | relationships | So I [24 M] moved to Asia a year ago, where I met my GF [28 F]. Now I want to leave. Is that messed up? | So I moved to Asia a year ago with the intention of travelling around alone for an open-ended vacation (I work remotely so it doesn't matter where I am). I met my GF soon after arrival and as a result have stuck around the same city for close to a year now, albeit with frequent travel both alone and with my GF. Both the experience and the relationship have been awesome; we never fight or get particularly upset and generally enjoy the time we spend together. There have been some rough patches, largely around my hesitation to commit and her friends her age getting married.
This is where the issue arises. I want to leave soon, purely for the sake of moving and not to get away from anyone or anything. I am considering heading for South America, Eastern Europe, and Japan around the middle of March. I have been pretty clear throughout that I don't plan to be here forever, but I have gotten in pretty deep over the course of the year and know I will be hurting this girl I care about immensely, which I may be doing already by talking about leaving.
I guess my questions is, am I being an asshole? I certainly have never tried to be, but part of me feels like I am going to be accused of just playing around and never being serious (has happened before, not my first time moving across the world). Basically, I just don't want to hurt this girl unnecessarily. Should I break it off now rather than just put off the inevitable? Which will be more painless? Any advice at all?
I may just be thinking out loud. | Met a girl in Asia and stuck around for a year. It's been awesome but now I want to keep moving. How can I not come out of this as a jackass? |
t3_1jcngi | relationships | 21F not looking for a relationship, but she still acts like my (23M) girlfriend. How to continue? | A few months ago I (23M) met this 21F who I've fallen pretty hard for. She's beautiful in every way that I look for in a women, and things were going really well between us after meeting up a few times, until she delivered a line similar to "Just to let you know, I'm not really looking for a relationship at the moment". That's when things got confusing for me.
We've still been seeing each other and having a great time, with things between us progressing naturally as a relationship tends to in its early days whilst dating. We kissed one night for the first time as I left, and then after that we've been greeting each other with a kiss and walking hand in hand.
Everything we do and say shows every sign that she is interested in me, in fact she has even said that she likes me.
The other day she invited me to stay at hers for the night, and things got sexual between us. Afterwards we were cuddled up and talking, and again she mentioned that she's still not looking for a relationship (this is now a month later since she first said it) and even mentioned that she currently has a fuck buddy which she said she'd no longer see if I preferred.
I'm just utterly confused as to what's going on between us. She is showing every sign that she is interested, and acts as if we are together, but still maintains that she does not want a relationship just yet. She has said that she wants to take things slow and not dive in, but it just feels weird that when ever we see each other it feels like we are already together - and the fact that I know whilst she is seeing me, she's also got this fuck buddy, which I'm rather uncomfortable with.
I've no idea how to go forwards with this, as I have pretty deep feelings for her and would like a relationship, instead of being her new fuck buddy. | Met this 21F who acts very much like a girlfriend, but she doesn't want a relationship (yet). How to proceed? |
t3_2bchbn | askwomenadvice | Help cheering up friend, need ideas! | My (19F) roommate (19F) had a thing with this guy for about three months, but he ended it because of personal circumstances/recent family things. Anyway, she just texted me today about it, and she told me she wanted to drink with me this week (we're apart for the summer), so we agreed on tomorrow night. It will only be the two of us, other friends don't live close by, at all.
I plan on taking her to dinner somewhere we have both never been for fun. I was thinking I could surprise her and take her to go get cheap manicures. I know, it's cheesy, but I thought it could be fun to go somewhere inexpensive, more for shits n giggles than to actually be pampered. Just something fun to do for the two of us before we start our night.
The thing is, tomorrow is Tuesday, so there aren't any good clubs open, and I'm not sure what we could do. Right now, I'm just planning on the two of us drinking/hanging out in my apartment. There are a couple drinking games for two people that could be fun, but I'm looking for other stuff we could do too. Keep in mind when offering suggestions, we will be drunk during whatever it is we end up doing. Actually, I don't mind staying in either. So suggestions of stuff to do at home is appreciated too! | Friend wants to get drunk after break up, looking for stuff for us to do together tomorrow day/night.(We will be drinking/getting dinner.) Need more ideas, want her to have a good night! |
t3_2dgy0v | relationships | Me [20M] with my SO[20F] of four months may be ignoring me. | Hello Reddit! This is my first time posting here. I've been dating this girl for only four months, but I went to high school with her years ago and we've been seeing each other as friends ever since.
She recently traveled to another state and I'm back in the home state. I text her once every day, to make sure I don't bow up her phone, but she hasn't responded since Saturday. However, she's been on Facebook liking statuses and commenting on different pictures.
Now, normally, this stuff doesn't bother me. But I know it can mean other things. I do trust her with everything because she is my best friend.
I over-think sometimes and would like /r/relationships opinion on this. | I believe my GF has been ignoring me. She's been seen on FB commenting and liking statuses, but I haven't heard anything from her. |
t3_13mnph | relationship_advice | [22/f] My boyfriend told me to "Shut the fuck up" during an argument. I never speak to him that way. Should I deal with it from him? | We were arguing because I said his cats litter box is making the room smell awful because he wasn't thoroughly cleaning it out regularly (i.e taking out the litter and cleaning the pan with soap and water). He went on to say he does clean it out regularly, just not to my standards and that if it bothers me so much then I should do it myself. I told him it wasn't my responsibility and the argument just continued to escalate to him turning it around on me by trying to point out things I don't do. He mentions I don't do the dishes everyday, to which I reply that that doesn't stink up the whole room they are in so it is not the same. I was explaining that it was stupid to try to turn it around on me and then he told me very vehemently to shut the fuck up. I left the room and refused to hear what he had to say because I have been in verbally abusive relationships in the past and I have zero tolerance for that shit these days. He won't apologize for what he said. Should I just deal with this? | Boyfriend told me to stfu during an argument. I have issues with hateful talk like that and don't ever do it to him. He won't apologize. Should I deal with this? |
t3_sm66r | AskReddit | Can I prevent a parent from opening a credit card in my name if they have my info/ssn? | My parents are divorced, and I haven't seen or spoken to my mother for years, and hearing about all these kids who have parents get credit cards and rack up debt to the eyeballs for their son/daughterb scares me. My mom obviously would have my ssn, so if she really wanted to I might not know if she did this until I start getting calls. As of now, I have relatively good credit, but I was thinking she could use this if she wanted to later on (she's racked up tons of debt on her and my dad when they were married)... Would there be any legal way to bar her on my side from opening a card? | I want to prevent my mother (haven't seen or spoken to in a long time) from signing up for a credit card in my name before it happens. |
t3_iblhc | relationships | Reddit, I need your advice. I'm a 20 year old girl who is uncomfortable with drinking and smoking weed but my boyfriend likes to get high and drunk with his friends. I love him, but I can't stand his habits. What should I do? | My boyfriend and I have been best friends for a year, and have been in a relationship for 3 months. He has always smoked weed and drank with his friends. He only does it with his friends and in a social scene. He knows I am uncomfortable with him doing it yet he does it because he feels like he can control it. Also, he does not believe it affects his ability to be with me.
There's nothing I can do about it and I do not set out to change him but I simply cannot continue to ignore his habits. We love each other very, very much and I'm willing to work things out but how do I handle this? | I've smoked weed and drank liquor before but I don't do it often. I'm bothered by the fact that my boyfriend so frequently smokes weed and drinks. What do I do? |
t3_2o3ztl | relationships | Me [23F] with my bf [24 M] of 4 years duration, move to different state to begin career before marriage? Help? | I'm conflicted about this.
BF and I intend on getting engaged/married/kids the whole lot soon. I'm still in school and our conversations on the subject usually come to the mutual conclusions-- when we are living together, work and finances are stable and it feels right, that decision will happen. We've been successfully made our way through lots of trials and tribulations, accidental pregnancy-- miscarriage, lots of tumultuous family times etc this has made us stronger. I am not worried about my future with him so much as the sacrifices I am making for our relationship...
So basically he gets a job and an apartment 4 hrs away from me. I have 1 more semester left of school and our plan before was to move in together. Now for the sake of our relationship, I am planning on moving myself closer to him which will probably effect my salary and my career aspirations. I'm not so sure I am okay with this-- I don't feel super comfortable making this sort of professional sacrifice when he was able to take a great job. Plus moving will be a big financial cost for me although he is willing to pay this cost. In addition-- he may need to move in 6 months to a different state. -_______- so I may make this sacrifice and he will be leaving somewhere else.
I don't know. If I were to ONLY follow my career aspirations, I would be moving 1000s of miles away from him for a significant amount of time. I don't know how to negotiate these issues. Any experience with this? | Ambitious GF feels uneasy about settling for a lower paying job just to move in with bf. Bf might not even be there by the time she moves down there-- debating following her ambitions to further away places. Help. |
t3_qwddh | AskReddit | One of my best friends is finally trying to get past a severe eating disorder. What are the best ways for me to help? | One of my closest friends is struggling with an eating disorder, which I have always been sensitive towards, but she has never wanted to take the steps to get healthy. She kind of hit rock bottom, and I finally confronted her about the eating disorder and we talked about how it is effecting her life. She is really trying to get help now. What can I do as a friend to help. There is a lot of conflicting information out there. I read as much as I can about it, but I have no personal insight into eating disorders, so I apologize in advance for ignorance or insensitivity on my part. | One of my good friends is going to deal with her eating disorder and I want to make that as easy as possible on her. Suggestions? |
t3_2ri0r5 | relationships | I [20 F] feel like my relationship with my boyfriend [21 M] of 4 years may be over, but I still love him? Such confusion. | This is confusing to me so I'll try and explain it the best I can. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years almost to the exact date. (the 13th of this month) I feel like our relationship has run it's course but I still am very much in love with him.
I love his personality and our sex is still really amazing. Really, nothing is wrong but I just have this feeling that it may just be over. I don't want to lose him as a person and I still love him, want his company, go to him when I feel down, try and help him when he needs me, and I still want to have sex with him. I just think maybe I just want to be friends with benefits?
I don't want to be in another relationship and there is no one else I like. I think I may be over the relationship but I still need him. He's my best friend and lover. I just maybe want some freedom. I don't know, has anyone else been in this situation.
I also have no idea on how to bring up the topic of losing the title of boyfriend and girlfriend and still have things be mostly the same. What I feel is we're keeping each other on a leash but may be stopping our relationship from growing.
An example I have is since he is my boyfriend I want him to come over and hang with my family but he won't because of his social anxiety that he doesn't want to work on. Another is he wants to hang out with friends but will always exclude me and say "none of the other guy's girls are going to be there." When I know that his best friend's girlfriend is almost always there and makes food for them. | I feel like the relationship may be ending but I still need him and love his company. Like we are close friends that enjoy sex with each other. |
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