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t3_247utb | relationship_advice | How would you react if you were the guy in this situation? | I am 24F, boyfriend is 24M. We've been together for 4.5 years.
Yesterday we were cleaning my car together and I found a pack of condoms under the driver chair. I have no idea where they came from, seeing as my boyfriend and I don't use condoms. I held it up, kinda chuckling, saying "huh that's odd, look what I found..". My boyfriend laughed and said "oh what the hell, that's strange. We'll now they're mine." Then took them from me.
Nothing was said past that point. It seems that he isn't thinking into it, which is awesome since there's nothing I'm hiding from him. But it got me thinking, if I were in his role I feel like I would have gotten super suspicious and may have started throwing some accusations around. So, out of curiosity, how would you have reacted if you were in his situation? Do you think there's a chance that he is suspicious of something but just isn't bringing it up with me? Sorry if this isn't the correct subreddit, I wasn't really sure where to post this question. | found a pack of condoms while cleaning my car with my boyfriend and he didn't seem to wonder or worry about their origin, is that a realistic reaction to such a situation? |
t3_3sgqbt | running | Mile times: elliptical vs treadmill vs track | I searched the sub and couldn't really find anything answer my questions. Also, I know this will be purely anecdotal, but that is what I am hoping for.
Training for the Army fitness test and trying to get my mile times down. I run almost every day doing various things. 30/60s, long run, sprint a mile.
What I am wondering about is how a mile time USUALLY compares from treadmill to elliptical to track. I run a 9:15 mile on the track, an 8:45 mile on the treadmill, and a 7:30 on the elliptical. Those of you who pay attention to these things, have you noticed the same or should I try pushing myself harder on the track?
Yes, I know why the times are different, don't need all the science behind that, just wondering if it is similar to others experience. | what kind of splits have you noticed on your mile times running different ways (Treadmill, Elliptical, and Track) |
t3_1bkuv5 | relationships | Communication issues with my new girlfriend. Is she too needy, or am I not doing enough? (26m, 19f) | My girlfriend and I have been dating for about eight weeks now and the relationship has kind of jumped past the high energy early stages into the bumpy part. I'm 26/m and my girlfriend is 19/f.
The relationship started online after we began to trade messages on a site similar to this one. She was single and looking for some fun, and I was sexually frustrated in my marriage. So it started off as solely physical, but when we met I started to like her as more than just a sex partner. The sex is excellent too though. She is studying a subject in school that I am very gifted at, and I've taken a stake in her studies and tried to help her with that. She has also shared a lot of personal things with me and the relationship is very emotional now. We live about an hour and a half apart and we can't see each regularly. I am also attached (which she knows) which makes it hard to communicate too frequently.
We try to see each other twice a week or so. So we communicate through an app on our phones during the day. She will send me messages throughout the day, and when I am at home. I'm not able to respond as much as she can because of work commitments and for obvious reasons at home. I've tried to explain this to her, and she acts like she understands but then will become irritated still.
Is this one of those things that just cannot work? She cried today because she claimed I didn't care about her when I didn't answer messages. I'm not the most experienced person with romantic relationships... I've done hookups but this is a little different. Does she seem needy, or am I being insensitive? What can I do to help with the communication issues? | My new girlfriend doesn't seem to understand that I cannot constantly communicate with her. Unsure if she is being needy, or if I am being rude. |
t3_36liqy | relationships | Long distance woes with me [M25 UK/Greece] and [F22 Australia] | So I met this Australian girl while working in Greece about a year ago, we hit it off and have been going out since then. We worked both in Greece together and Turkey (I actually pulled some strings with friends to ensure she could come with me) and we had a lovely time, pretty much living in each others pockets.
Then the season finished and we went to the UK. I met the English side of her family and she met my family. And again we travelled around with me showing her what England had to offer.
We talked about me going back to Oz with her but I didnt have the money for flights/working visas/ living costs/ rent so we settled on a romantic getaway to Amsterdam.
Then heartbreak hit... She had to go back home...
We had been around each other constantly from June till February, we told each other how we felt and we thought we were strong enough to 'do the distance'
Weve skyped every morning(for me) afternoon (for her), messaged each other through our days. And it was going great, but shes been struggling to find a job and so has been frustrated and Ive gone to Greece to work again to save up to go out there.
And that frustration as well as the distance seems to have made us take a turn for the worst.
Ive thought about sending gifts (and it is her birthday soon) but I know nothing about Australian online shopping sites and things.
So I was hoping maybe people on here going through the same thing, or people with ideas will be able to help me out. I really dont want this girl to end up being the 'one that got away' | Met an Aussie, had a great time together, she had to go home. Now it seems like our relationship is going down under |
t3_g5ucm | relationships | Married for almost 2 years, thinking of divorce. | Was previously married for 8 years, got divorced in April of 2007 and immediately started talking to someone on E-Harmony and dating her, i was 29 at the time and she was 27. I know that this was a mistake now, but I can't go back. I ended up dating her for over a year and we decided to get married. She has two kids from a previous relationship and I have two from my previous marriage. My ex moved an hour away with my kids and I don't get to see them only on my visitation. I started having guilt issues when I would spend time with her kids because I felt I should be giving that time to mine even though I physically can't because they don't live with me. I also have a hard time letting go of things and I am very defensive when I talk with her and we have been fighting a lot over the past year or so. I love her, and I love her kids, but sometimes I can't stand them and they drive me nuts. I am going to try and go to counseling and fix my hangups and issues and unresolved crap from my previous marriage and work on letting stuff go but I just don't know how to do that and it's ruining my marriage. She is about fed up with me but she doesn't want a divorce. Should I separate from her and work out my stuff on my own? | Married for 2 years, thinking of divorce because past hangups from previous marriage and insecurities is affecting this one. |
t3_3e1tyq | tifu | TIFU by locking myself out of my Bitlockered Windows partition | Not today, technically yesterday, but carried over to today.
I have 1 USB (yes, I know I should have had more) which has the Bitlocker recovery key. Due to my computer not having a TPM module, this was the only option. I also kept a backup of the recovery keyfile on... the Windows partition itself (there is an OSX partition, but I did not think to put a copy on there as well). In a moment of idiocy I decided to format the USB to install Windows on another computer, fully well knowing I had other USBs that did not have such important data. You can guess what happens next.
Skip forward to after the initial shock. I've been through five different data recovery softwares and none have found the file. I'm ready to throw in the towel and hand it over to the pros.
At least I learnt an important rule about backing up important files:
**3** different copies
**2** different media
**1** copy offsite.
Fuck. | Computer needs file to boot. I format the USB containing said file. The only other copy of the file is in the encrypted partition. |
t3_2o36xa | relationships | Me [22 F] with my ex [26 M] for six months, set up for failure or potential growth? | My ex and I were dating for 6 months, everything was going well. By no means did we have a perfect relationship, we had our struggles, the beauty, good and bad.
For my self this was a very strong and important relationship, I did not plan or want to fall in love with him, from the moment I met him I knew it was something important and special. I told and showed that I loved him, which is not something I have done for anyone in two years.
One day two weeks ago he calls me and says I want to break up I feel there is no longer chemistry.
We have had busy schedules, I attend college and two jobs, he has a high stress job. Our relationship was taking time to grow and learn what works best for us, but we had amazing communication.
I tried to express that its been a rough patch give it some time and see if you feel differently, I had a very special surprise date set later that week, that I felt was really going to help him in many ways, lesson the worries and show the good.
He didn't listen, we ended the conversation, I tried to get him to talk to me, gave him space. He did not return my calls or texts for two weeks.
Until yesterday, when his only word were "We can still be friends if you want to."
I have not yet responded nor do I have any more ideas about what he is feeling or wants.
Knowing that his idea of a relationship has to be perfect all the time, Should I take a friendships with the only goal is to get back together, help him see and in hope to bring back the "chemistry" or is it just a set up for failure? Ideas | Will I be set up for a heartbreak if try to be friends with ex, with the only goal is to get back together, being friends to establish a closer relationship? |
t3_2qxr5n | relationships | My mum [35] is fighting/arguing with my dad [41] for a long time. I'm [17] afraid that they'll soon seperate. | My parents are fighting since a long time and nothing improved ever. I'm still quite young and I also have a little sister (8y). I'm afraid that they seperate and I don't know what to do.
It is important to mention that we are debts and my dad wasted (and still wastes) a lot of money which not makes my mum crazy but he often asks my mum for money which he almost never returns. I know that the main problem is he wastes the most part of our money. But as I said I don't know how to change this situation. I don't want to sit in front of my computer and watch how my family breaks apart.
Help is appreciated
*(Sorry for any mistakes) | My dad wastes a lot of money for gambling which worsens our wealth. Because of this my mum argues with him. Don't know how what to do |
t3_3mq3r0 | tifu | TIFU by not realizing what a rubber is. | This happened last semester when I was studying abroad in Australia, keep in mind I'm American.
I was in class on the Tuesday before our first exam, about 15 minutes prior to lecture being over, my teacher wanted to do a quick exam overview. So she talked about the classic "there will be blah blah multiple choice and blah blah essays" but she ended with saying "I will provide your pencils, but you must bring your own rubber." At this point in time to me, a rubber was a condom, not an eraser. I absolutely lost it, burst out laughing thinking that our teacher just made a joke about how we were gonna get butt fucked by the test so we had to bring a condom. After about 30 seconds of hysterically laughing, the entire lecture of 100 people were silent and staring at me. I realized I fucked up. I quickly stood up, grabbed my bag, still laughing, and walked out. Needless to say I was a little bit embarrassed. | My teacher said bring a rubber to the test, thought she meant condom, burst out laughing in front of 100 or so people. |
t3_2x6xzd | tifu | TIFU by being my smooth self | So today I was working in a park, using cable-ties to cover mesh fences with plastic sheets. I was working with another dude who was pretty chill and we were talking while working. It's summer right now, so the women that were walking past with less clothes than usual. My workmate kept greeting the women jovially as they passed by with "Good morning!", and when they were *out* of earshot following with "Dayum, I love summer". I just kept working, but I didn't mind the occasional view that walked by.
We continued working for a while in our high-vis vests, with forklifts and cherry-pickers passing by occasionally. An attractive girl in a golf cart about my age (20s) begun backing out of a nearby driveway, going to do some kind of administrative stuff and to make sure everything was going smoothly. She says Something along the lines of "Look out, I don't want to run you over" to my workmate, and he obliges. She backed past me out of view, and I waited a few seconds to deliver an amusing line that came to mind. I said at a reasonable pitch due to the noise around "She can run me over anyday" with a cheeky smile [If you know what I mean.](
My workmate glances behind me without laughing much at my joke. I look over my shoulder to see the girl right behind me, still backing round me to turn around. She had a similar look of shock on her face as I did. My shock melted into a stupid grin when I realised what I had done. Well shit. She drove off and I had a good laugh with my workmate and had the same dumb look on my face for half an hour. Smooth. For the rest of the time I was there, I kept looking over my shoulder for a golfcart. | I forgot that out of sight does not mean out of earshot. 55% humourous 45% embarassing, 100% smooth. |
t3_2r25d6 | relationships | I [20 M] have been friends with a girl [20 F] for years, things have been getting flirty and weird. | So I've been friends with this girl since high school, and up until recently its been fairly platonic. However, over the last few months, whenever we would get drunk together (once every few weeks or so always at parties), we'd end up getting pretty flirty. One night a few weeks ago when she was drunk she texted me straight up saying she liked me. However, every following day, she says to disregard everything and acts like everything was just us being drunk.
A few weeks ago I decided to just ask her out on a date via text but she said no because she felt like it would change things too much and could just make things weird between us.
Since then we hadn't really talked too much up until last night. We were both drunk at a party and kissed a couple of times just for a couple of seconds each time. But again she texted me today saying to just disregard everything from last night.
I've kinda always had a thing for her but I was fine just being friends up until all the flirting started to happen. I just feel like I'm getting mixed messages and I'm not sure what I should do about it. I don't even really know what I want out of our relationship but I know I don't like mixed signals I'm getting now. | Things get flirty when we're drunk, but not when we're sober, and I don't know what to do about it. |
t3_4w5mh9 | relationships | Is my [18 M] LDR GF [18F] emotionally abusing me? | I'm going to start off with my problem; I have really bad social anxiety, and it seems as if my gf doesn't care.
The first argument was about me singing to her. Of course I want to, but I'm scared and need time to build the confidence. I told her this and she got angry and just stopped texting me for the night, she didn't even tell me good night. I can understand how it would make her angry, but does she really have to make me feel even worse about it?
The second argument was about me not telling my parents about our relationship as soon as she did. For an entire day she texted me like she didn't care, replying with "okay" and "yeah" for almost every text. She didn't even feel like telling me what was wrong even though I encouraged her to do so. She finally told me, saying how I "lack the confidence and pride in our relationship," and how she told her parents a while ago. I do want to tell them, it's just hard for me to do it. Telling my parents personal things is one of the most difficult things for me to do. I do agree that I should have told them sooner. I told her this, said I'm sorry, and explained how hard it is for me and that I just need time. After all that I told her, all she replied with was "okay." This just hurt me so much, it made me feel like she just doesn't care.
She doesn't even apologize for making me feel so bad, it's like she feels justified making me feel like crap because of my problems. I always help her with her depression, being there and comforting her. I apologize when I say something wrong or make her feel bad, but apparently I don't deserve the same.
Is she emotionally abusing me? Does she not care about my social anxiety? Should I talk to her about it, or will i just make it worse? | My LDR GF intentionally tries to make me feel bad for the problems my social anxiety cause, and I don't know what to do. |
t3_1voqys | pettyrevenge | Accidental Revenge | Scumbag property management company locked the tenants out of the basement Dec 1st (no more laundry facilities/can't access breakers/no more storage/etc). So I've popped the breaker at least twice in the last week (seriously on accident) and in the middle of the night and early morning. They had to send someone over because our fridge was without electricity.
As an added bonus, I apparently forgot to give my apartment number when I called, so they called everyone who's number they had on file, & for us, it was my soon-to-be ex-roommate's (who's been treating me/my bf/ & my stuff like shit). So she works late shift (starts in the afternoon and doesn't get out till like 11p or something), and she was asleep at 8am. I had already went to work because I tried calling the management company's after hours number and left a message, their regular hours number and left a message, and I emailed the manager w/all my contact info and what had happened. So at like 8am they called her like 4 times and woke her up, etc.
It was sweet accidental revenge. | Accidentally popped the breaker, forgot to leave my info when I called management, and my roommate got a rude awakening. |
t3_1aiafz | relationships | (m26) Falling for a girl (f24), hanging out every weekend for 2 months, somethings got to give? | A girl i've know for 10 or so years and i became closer recently, we found ourselves both single, neither has baggage, and til yesterday, neither of us thought there was chemistry there until we were cuddled up on the couch watching "When Harry Met Sally", doing crosswords together.
We've had the talk a few times that there is no chemistry there, but we keep spending more and more time together and getting more and more comfortable around each other, dinners, spending all weekend together etc.
I asked her if she believes that she can grow to like someone after knowing them non romantically for a while, or if she knows instantly that she will like a person. She said she knows instantly.
Feels like we are gradually falling for each other but i'm more aware of it. Or i'm reading into it too much and i'm an idiot.
Could i be right and we are gradually falling after spending so much time? And that she doesn't know herself well enough to know she's falling? (she hasn't had many long relationships before) | Watched When Harry Met Sally with a friend i've been hanging out with every weekend for 2 months, i think our lives are the same as that movie, Thoughts? |
t3_yc6ad | BreakUps | [20/f] My boyfriend (20/m) broke up with me last week. Conflicting actions and feelings. | My boyfriend of 1 and a half years (20/m) decided to break up last week out of the blue after we had a small fight. Usually when we have these discussions, we get a lot better afterwards because we talk about whatever problems we had been having, and we work together to fix them. This time was different. He had his mind set on breaking up, and there was nothing I could do to change it.
This man was my best friend throughout college. We went to different universities, but we always made the distance work. When we met up after the break up to get closure and to talk, we both got incredibly emotional. He couldn't even look me in the face or eyes the entire time we were talking. He would start bawling once he actually looked at me. He says he still loves me and that he still cares, but he said somewhere in the past couple of weeks, he had started to fall out of love. He just did not want to be in a relationship "right now". He swears by the "it's me, not you" line.
We decided that in order to preserve our friendship and to one day get back to what we were before we got together (we were best friends before he took the plunge to ask me to be his girlfriend), we would still keep some online contact via chatting and whatnot. This worked alright for a couple of days, but last night, he decided that he wasn't comfortable talking to me anymore and didn't want to talk. He said that he would talk to me once he got over this breakup period. I flipped and called him an insensitive dick.
We cut contact, and I thought I was ok. All of last night, I couldn't stop thinking about him and us. Any advice? I know that the standard advice is to cut contact and to find things to do on your own, but I'm stuck at home for the summer with nothing to do and nowhere to go. He's my first relationship and love. Is there any future for us? Does anybody else have any insight as to what he meant? If I didn't do anything wrong, then what the hell happened to our relationship? | Boyfriend broke up with me, but I still don't understand why. Tried to make friendship work, but he refuses to try and cuts contact. |
t3_4vq9zm | tifu | TIFU by pulling weeds | So I started pulling weeds out front in my flower bed and everything was going smoothly, or so I thought. I pulled out a couple if specific weeds and an entire ant colony came pouring out. This would have been okay, if there werent a ton of crickets and spider webs around. So basically after a couple of minutes after pulling out the ant coloney, World War 3 began on my front lawn. There were ants destroying the crickets and a few spiders, the crickets were destroying spider webs, and the spiders caught ants in the still standing webs.I had dinner cooking inside, and thousands of ants coming out of a hole, I was unaware of this and continued pulling weeds, until my legs had ants on them. I got them off and went to eat dinner. I brought them inside with me. They started releasing some chemical that lets other ants know there is food. They invaded my home, and now I am apart of World War 3. It's chemical hide and seek now. | Started pulling weeds on my front lawn, pulled out a ant colony, started ww3 on my lawn, went to eat dinner with a few ants on me, ants invaded home, eliminating them with ant spray. |
t3_51bq5y | relationship_advice | Should I [20M] write to my ex girlfriend [20F] ? | My girlfriend and I have been toghether for 2 years, and then about two months ago she dumped me. Out of the blue. There wasn't any problem and we weren't arguing and stuff, things were actually going very well, but anyway she said that her feelings towards me had changed and that she wanted no "distractions" for her first year of university (I was her first boyfriend). However she like "begged" me to remain friends because she couldn't stand the thought of not talking or seeing to me anymore . I was (and still are) heartbroken. She wasn't my first girlfriend and I know my feelings towards her are real and sincere, so I was actually shocked when she dumped me. I asked her to not have any contact with me whatsoever until I reached at her, because I am afraid I cannot handle yet the situation. Since then, we haven't talked or seen each other in any way.
However, after our breakup I decided to completely "revisit" my life, and in a strange turn of events, I'm moving abroad in a week ( actually I'll move the exact day our relationship would have turned 2 years and 4 months, but that is pure chance). My question is, should I let her know that ? Should I write to her that I'm moving abroad and will probably not return before 3 years ? | my girlfriend dumped me but said to remain in contact. However we haven't talked since. Should I let her know I am moving abroad ? |
t3_1hh8jt | AskReddit | What would you do in a situation like this? | I found out that my bf has been messaging women on reddit/gonewild. He has told them how badly he wanted to have sex with them and explained (in detail) what he wanted to do with them. He even told them about me and what he does with me. He asked them if their BFs/ husbands were ok with their gonewild pictures. Then he told them that it is ok as long as they do not find out about it. In his messages he had asked them to send him pictures and invited them for one on one cam sessions on Skype. This is not the first time he has done something like this. Last time when we talked about it, he promised that he would never ever do something like this again and how sorry he was about his actions. Now I know that he really didn't mean it because he has gone and done the same thing again. I don't think I could ever trust him again.
I really love him. We have been in this relationship for almost three years and this is not the first time he has done something like this. I always thought that things would get better and he would be faithful to me (because that is what he said). But now I feel like things would never ever improve.
Would you be ok with this sort of thing? Anyone out there who has faced a similar situation? | BF has been messaging women on reddit-gonewild and telling them he wanted to have sex with them and asking them for picture and one on one cam sessions on skype. What would you do in a similar situation? |
t3_4ew6hg | relationships | How do I [21 M] learn to trust my girlfriend [19 F] not to cheat on me? (my lack of trust is not her fault) | So I met my girlfriend last year. We are still very much in love, and I really think she's the one. She is not at all the type of person who would ever cheat or even hurt me. Literally everything there could possibly be speaks against that ever happening, or that if it were to happen to me, she'd be the least likely person to do it.
The last time I was in a relationship I was 15, and it only lasted little less than a month, when she went to a party and met another guy (she didn't tell me about the guy but told me she'd like to take things slow, and then I found out later). I don't know if it is that, or the fact that it has been so long since I last felt loved by someone not my family, or even the fact that I think she is the one, but every now and then I get afraid that she would do it.
When she is chatting with a guy on whatsapp or facebook (not something she does on a regular basis, it seems mostly school related) I start getting anxious. When she is gone for a significant time (we used to be in an LDR due to living in different countries and meeting in the summer) I get anxious, especially when she goes out with her friends. When she tells me about a guy she used to date starting up a friendly conversation with her, I get anxious, even if he has a girlfriend (although his nationlity, and mine too byw, are some of the worlds most likely to cheat), and I just feel bad for not getting excited for her, simply because they kissed some years ago.
I know this is all my problem, so I don't talk to her about it, but it still keeps bothering me. Do I need to see a psychologist, or are there things I can do myself? Anyone got any advice? | I have difficulty trusting my GF even though I know she is very trustworthy, making it my problem, and not hers. How do I deal with that problem? |
t3_3vrnu6 | offmychest | This just happened...in fact I am still in the hospital recovering... | 3 days ago I went to bed with a little pain in my stomach. No big deal I thought, I'll sleep it off and be fine in the morning (thinking it was something I ate). The next morning I got up and was feeling worse but still attributed it to Food poisoning and figured being active was what I needed. So I went shopping with my wife and suffered through the ordeal until noon when I told her to take me home and to bring me chicken fried rice and wonton soup (my
Comfort food...don't judge). I managed to eat that and decided to turn in early and got some Pepto to solve the problem....because food right? By midnight I was not in good shape and woke my wife to tell her i thought something a little more serious was happening. I had done a little investigating online and discovered a DIY test for appendix pain. I did not pass. My wife was sceptical and figured "man-cold" so I went back to sleep. At 6am I could not bear it any longer. The pain was pretty intense and I'd experienced a gall bladder attack a little more than 12 years ago and this was coming up a close tie for worst pain I'd ever experienced. Finally my wife agreed to drive (we were expecting a load of firewood at any moment) she left the payment with my son and off we went. After a CT scan the doctor said. "Your appendix is severely infected and its very very close to perforating, it's a good thing you came when you did." | My wife didn't believe me, and I didn't want to be full of shit, so I got my appendix out. |
t3_3wqe8f | relationships | Me [13F] with my sister [25 F] duration, she lost her baby at 39 weeks yesterday. I don't know how to comfort her and handle my emotions. | Hello,
I was looking for a place to get advice and this forum seemed friendly. I can't really talk to my family as they are all grieving right now.
My sister was 39 weeks pregnant. There was a cord accident, and her baby bled out. She was dead before they could do anything.
She delivered the baby.
We don't live in the same state, but my family is flying out tomorrow to be with her.
I've never experienced loss. I don't know how to handle what I'm feeling, and how to comfort her.
I was expected to be an aunt. I don't have any siblings close to my age, so I felt like this baby was my chance to have a really close relationship. I just don't know how to process how I feel.
I was hoping for some advice on how to help my sister? I don't really ever comfort people. If you've been through this, some advice would be very helpful.
If there would be a better place to post this, please let me know. | older sisters baby died at 39 weeks. Don't know how to handle my emotions and comfort her. How do I help? How do I process what I'm feeling? Any advice or info would be appreciated |
t3_1mubns | relationships | My [16M] best friend [16M] changed and I'm not sure what to do. | Throwaway because he's a redditor.
**BACKGROUND INFORMATION:** We met in freshman year (of highschool, obviously). He's ranked 17th in our class. He takes AP and honors classes, and he's super smart. He gets involved, does many extracurricular activities, etc. I, on the other hand, am not involved at all, and I am class rank 209. I am around average at school (mid B average). I'm nowhere near as smart as him. However, I have a great job and a stable, long lasting relationship. He doesn't have these.
**THE PROBLEM:** For the past 5 months or so, he's been a condescending asshole. He keeps calling me a moron, idiot, you name it, he calls me it. He tries to make himself seem superior to me. That's what makes me mad. He always has something to say. No matter what the subject is... school, music, jobs, relationships, everything... whenever I say something he has something to say to make him look better than me. If I go to him about personal issues, same thing. He doesn't give a single shit about my problems and he just changes the subject with something that has to do with him.
Lately, I've been trying to improve myself as an individual. I do much better at school, work hard, and I'm starting to overcome my depression, work out because I'm overweight, etc. And I feel like he's just an anchor, like a relic of my past. reddit, what do I do? How do I handle the situation? I just lost one of my 3 best friends... Do I have to make it 2? Do I get new friends? Please, I need guidance. | One of my few friends is a selfish, condescending asshat. I am starting to improve my life and I feel like he is stopping me. What do I do? |
t3_1nou0p | relationships | My[21M] girlfriend [23F] is delusional about me liking someone else and wants to end our relationship on this basis. | We've always had a very happy relationship but now it's come out that she has believed all along that I am in love with another girl. She once had a dream that I cheated on her with this girl and woke up crying about it.
The girl in question is a girl I liked for about 2 months nearly 2 years prior to meeting my current girlfriend and I have no history with her. She is just a friend in our circle.
Basically, despite my efforts, I cannot convince her that these claims are complete horse-shit and she has decided that we go on break until after the weekend (at which point I fear that her paranoia will result in her breaking me off). This all triggered last night when I walked home with said friend after my girlfriend decided to stay out late.
Can I convince her otherwise? Should I be the one to cut it off? Please help, I would do a lot to prevent this relationship from ending. | Girlfriend believes I am in love with another girl. I am simply not. Girlfriend has reached the point of wanting to end our relationship because of it. |
t3_wje31 | self | Can't sleep until sunrise. It's been four months. Need help. | Hi Reddit.
Because of my over active imagination, also r/nosleep and watching all of the Paranormal Activity movies, I've become somewhat of a wreck once it's dark and everyone in my house goes to sleep. I've stopped watching horror movies and reading creepypasta but I'm still having this issue.
Every night I stay up with multiple lights on in my room and try to distract myself with funny videos and videogames. I don't even sit at my desk because I don't like having my back to the rest of my room. I wait until the sun rises and then breathe a sigh of relief and pass out.
I know it's my imagination, but at night I keep seeing shit out of the corners of my eyes. I also try hard not to think about certain movies/creepypasta but always end up with intrusive thoughts. I don't think I've slept at night for the past four months. If I have to get up early for work I just stay up and go straight to work in the morning.
This is getting ridiculous and really taking a toll. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this? Anyone else have the same problem? | Can't sleep at night cause of anxiety over paranormal thoughts and seeing shit out of the corner of my eyes. Need help. |
t3_3sb88o | legaladvice | My internship overpaid me and they are asking for repayment | I had a summer internship (U.S. company) that continued to pay me for a few periods past my end date. I reached out to the company and told them about their error. They thanked me for notifying them and said they would notify payroll and stop the payments. Months later- after I had moved on from the incident- I received a call that told me that the company is going to need the money back that they overpaid me.
I expect I will be paying back what was not rightfully mine, but what should I consider through this process? This will definitely drain my funds as I was not planning on paying out such a large amount of money on short notice. | I was overpaid, I informed the company, months passed, they got back to me about it and are requesting repayment- how long do I have to repay, do I have any other legal rights to consider? |
t3_10f0oe | jobs | Accepting interview offer in another state when there's another job I might take? | First of all, I feel the need to say that I do realize that I'm very lucky to have multiple (potential, at least) job options when a lot of people are struggling to get their resumes noticed, and that my problem is quite a FWP. Having said that, I have a bit of a conundrum.
I am currently considering jobs in two different cities, both of which are in different states from where I live now. One company (let's call them Company A) just offered me an interview that would be in about 2 weeks-- they'd be flying me out there. The interview process with this job has been quite long and drawn out, involving 4 phone interviews and long periods of silence on their part. During this time, naturally I've continued applying for other jobs, and now it's looking like I've got 2 other interview offers (with companies B and C) in the near future; interviewing with these companies won't involve a flight. To be honest, all other things being equal, I'd accept Company B's offer. However,
So, here's the question: given the aforementioned details, is it unethical or otherwise problematic for me to accept Company A's interview offer? What should I do if Company B or C extends a job offer to me in between now and the day when I'm supposed to fly out to meet with Company A-- does it seem acceptable to just tell them I've accepted an offer and would like to cancel my interview? I've never been in quite this situation before. As a note, Company A is a small but seemingly very well-funded startup, just in case that makes any difference. | Is it OK to accept an employer's offer to fly me out for an interview when I have other interviews before then and might accept one of those offers? What should I do if that does happen? |
t3_247m9c | relationships | Me [27 M] with my wife[24 F] married 1 year, She sent nude photos of herself to another man. tried to build back the trust to find out more. | We just bought a house and things have been tense lately. we were figting a lot and she said some bad things and I snapped and said i want to break up and take her off the mortage. but we got over it i thought and moved on.
anyway a couple days ago i happen to open her phone (same model as mine) and i saw she sent nude photos to a man. My world fell apart. we have 2 small kids and before i met my wife and had a family i felt so alone...they made me feel amazing.
i cried a lot she said she didn't want to loose me and i said that she has to tell me everything if so i can start to trust her and start to move on. They never met up and she only sent 2 photos. She said that was it and she swore on my kids lives she didnt do anything more and she wants to spend the rest of my life making it up to me.
forward less then a week i find out she exchanged photos with another guy a customer she sees at work. It was the same day as the other guy and from what see says just that one day. sidenote: i found out because she left her fb open and shared the nude photo of the man with a friend of hers... (she also said she wanted to meet up)
How can I trust her? her my trust saying "the only way this can work is if you tell me everything so i can start regaining trust in you" only to find out it happened again...how do i know it wasnt more...
IF she had just told me it was more than one guy form the start it would be one thing but she swore to me it was just the one and that she is telling the truth...and then i found out otherwise
sorry if it is all over the place im a mess right now | wife sent photos of herself to a guy she knows..found out she said that was everything...found out days later she sent photos to multiple men. trust is gone |
t3_2hog27 | tifu | TIFU by letting my dad ride my new motorcycle. | Well this actually happened yesterday but close enough right?
I got my motorcycle exactly a week before this event, whilst enduring many safety lectures from my father and how to be careful and what not. Fast-forward a week and there I am happily riding my new bike already 200 kms under my belt.
Eventually I turn up at my dads house for a visit and he decides to go for a ride on my bike, so I show him the buttons and levers and off he goes zooming up and down the street like some wannabe Moto GP rider, I go back inside and after a few minutes I hear no sign of him or the bike. I end up going outside as he pulls up really slowly to the driveway he sheepishly looks at me and I see the whole side of the bike is wrecked, missing the right mirror, indicator and the whole footpeg and back break is snapped off plus the plastics scratched and smashed. Turns out he tried to power turn on a patch of wet grass and went ass over tits and shreked the whole side of the bike. Moral of the story don't trust anyone with your ride. | Dad has a go on my bike, slips on wet grass and wrecks my bike after a week of having it. |
t3_4756bb | tifu | TIFU by being high on Vicodin in a movie theater | Obligatory "this didn't happen today" disclaimer.
So I broke my arm. Pretty badly, I should note. So bad that I needed surgery and I now have a titanium plate and 6 screws in said arm. I was prescribed Vicodin because that shit hurt. I was to take one every six hours when I needed it. The Vicodin made me a bit dizzy and loopy, nothing too bad. But then, I fucked up.
My friends and I- let's call them Dave and Steve- decide that we want to see Jurassic World. I was running late, and I accidentally took two Vicodin. We decided to carpool, and Steve starts to notice that my head is wobbling a bit, like my neck can't hold it up. We start to walk through the parking lot and he notices that I'm swaying a bit. That's when it hit me: I took two Vicodin. I realize this, tell Steve, who starts to laugh hysterically at the fact that I'm tripping balls. He tells Dave and Dave starts laughing too. I'm loopy, so I start giggling too, and we get into the theater after getting our drinks and shit and we realize that we didn't get popcorn. I volunteer to get the popcorn, and on my way to the end of the aisle, in my druggy state, I trip over a woman and her child and land on my fucking titanium arm. I try to pretend it doesn't hurt, but it does. It fucking does. I bring back the popcorn to my two friends who are trying not to lose their minds laughing in the theater. So I spend the rest of the movie stoned off my ass and hurting like hell. | Took too many painkillers; started tripping balls, tripped over woman and small child and injured my already injured arm. |
t3_3mhdzt | relationships | Me [27M] with my GF [23F] of 2 years, have different beliefs. Can we make it work? | My girlfriend and I had a talk a little over a month ago about our future and if it will work. It did not end well. I kind of "blew up" on her, from what she says, and now she is convinced it will not work out in the long term.
From the beginning I was kind of iffy on being with her because we had different beliefs. She views herself as a Christian Scientist and I view myself as an Atheist. Her belief is that sickness is merely and illusion and can be corrected by prayer alone. She dislikes that I rely on medicine and science to cure my ailments. So, that is where our future comes into play. I want to vaccinate and take our future kids to the doctor and she does not (unless they are really sick). Her argument is that her family does not vaccinate and they are fine, so why should she inject her kids with diseases so they do not get those diseases? I try explaining to her, she has researched vaccinations, but she still thinks it is stupid.
In addition, she claims we are not compatible because we do not share similar interests. She watches TV with her dad, and reads books (vampire, erotica, sci-fi). I reddit and play video games. We met in college and we are in the same profession. We go to events and do other activities and when do we have fun together. My problems with her is she is openly racist and classist (her familiy is wealthy and she looks down on poor people, I grew up poor)
I have suggested we see a relationship counselor, but she thinks the belief issues cannot be fixed, so she thinks a counselor would be of no assistance. She is afraid we will do nothing but argue and she is strongly against divorce, primarily because her parents are divorced.
She is a beautiful girl and she is very smart (other than the beliefs thing IMO). I love multiple things about her and she loves me too, but the healthcare issue is a major problem that she thinks is unfixable unless one of us gives in to the other, but that would be going against our morals. | girlfriend is a Christian Scientist, and I am an athiest, can we compromise so we can raise a family happily? |
t3_2ltiqq | relationships | Me [17 M] with my teacher [27 F] for this semester, she's engaged to my brother [25 M]. I walked in on them and now I'm dreading going to class. | I just want to start off by saying that my little infatuation really isn't that big of a deal, she's a really pretty girl, and is my little private school's "hot teacher." I had her for English freshman year, my brother met her at my football game that same year, and they got engaged this summer. I've never acted inappropriately or anything, and I don't think about her that often or anything, I just tend to get a little nervous around her.
Anyways, a lot of times I'll spend the night at their place. My brother even gave me a key to let myself in (when they aren't there, which I usually tell when their car isn't there). Their car wasn't there this time so I let myself in, and unfortunately saw them together (they were in the living room for whatever reason). They saw me, I apologized and went home. I texted my brother that I was sorry, and that I won't let myself in anymore (although the car being gone was an agreed-upon "it's okay to come in"). As of right now he hasn't received it (it doesn't say read, and I know he never checks his phone).
She's still my English teacher, and I have her tomorrow. Do i just pretend nothing ever happened? Is there anything I should avoid doing (eg. try to avoid looking at her while she's lecturing)? Any help would appreciated. | Walked in on my brother and teacher (his fiancee) having sex. Haven't heard from them, how to get through the class tomorrow? |
t3_2cv3d0 | relationships | I'm [19 F] sick and tired of my dad [44 M] not taking responsibility for anything | Nothing is ever his fault, god forbid. He always blames someone else, I can't remember the last time he owned up to something. It's always been like this when I was growing up, and I get to hear all about how right he is and how stupid everyone else is. I want so desperately to throw it all back in his face but I don't know what would happen. At this point I've pretty well stopped caring though, I can't take all the negativity.
Does anyone else have a parent like this or know someone? I guess I'll just give an example of today to explain it. He went to an event over the weekend and gave someone his email for a 7 day free gym membership or something. Today I got his computer shoved in my face while he pointed out an email and asked if I knew who it was (I didn't). That's when I got the story about him giving out his address. I just nodded and agreed with how horrible those people were for sending him that (the easiest way to get him to leave) but god I just wanted to mock him. Yes dad, you wrote down your email for a gym membership you'll never use. What the fuck did you expect?
I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I feel so frustrated. I have no sympathy for him anymore. He's childish and annoying, he feels more like a little brother than a father. I don't know if I could sit him down and talk about how what he does isn't cool. The best I think I can do is just completely shoot down any conversation he tries to make about how he was wronged. I don't do well with confrontation so any help is greatly appreciated. | Father doesn't take the blame for anything, it's always someone else's fault. I'm sick of it. Don't know how to call him out without starting a fight, suggestions? |
t3_4a04yi | tifu | TIFU by thinking a raccoon peed on my ceiling | This has been going on for a week, but I realized my fuck up today.
Alright, so in December. I heard scratching on my roof almost every time it snowed in what I thought was the attic. We thought it went away but then we see [this] on my ceiling about a week ago (I've heard scratching throughout Jan-Feb when it snowed). It looked yellow and it freaked me out. I had the rest of my family come in to look at it and we all thought it was raccoon pee and we immediately got a critter control guy to come out yesterday. So throughout this whole week, I've been sleeping on an air mattress disgusted by the pee stain.
Well, he came out yesterday and said that it was raccoon on the roof **trying** to get in the attic and there's no way it didn't get in the attic. We showed him the 'stain' on the ceiling and he had no clue what it was...
Well... my mother and I found out today what it was... it was a shadow... from my [plushie] underneath a nightlight.
We all feel like idiots. | We thought a raccoon peed on my ceiling in the attic, it was a shadow from my plushie and we paid $250 for a critter control guy to come out over a shadow. |
t3_tm2rp | relationships | r/relationships, can you help with deciphering what my SO said? | My boyfriend(23) and I(22 F) have been together for 1.5 years and we have a great relationship. We've even been talking about moving in together when I graduate college in December.
Just today the conversation got a little deep and personal. He said he doesn't get sick of me. I asked "you don't get sick of me sexually or you don't get sick of my personality?" And he said "I really don't feel like answering that right now." Then he said "I need time away from you but at the same time, you're my fluff" (a silly name he calls me). I then said "I think I really piss you off sometimes" (even though we rarely fight, we have the occasional bad argument, and one happened recently) to which he replied "Yeah but that goes both ways"
I didn't want to pry him for more info since it seemed like he wasn't really up for having a deep discussion at that time.
Is there more meaning to what he said? Or should I take it for face value? | My boyfriend said some confusing things and I didn't want to pry for more info. Can anyone help me figure this out? |
t3_z09bo | jobs | Writing a Thank You Note, After Being Passed Over for a Job | A friend of mine recently interviewed for a position he thought he was perfect for. The job description actually sounded like it was written with him in mind. His initial phone interview was a slam dunk, and the follow up interview with two of the firm's partners went extremely well, by all accounts.
A week later, one of the partners phoned to thank him for participating in the interview process, but had to regretfully inform him that they selected another candidate. He was pretty devastated, and bitter. It was a job he really wanted, and thought for sure he was a shoe-in for. When he told me about this, I advised him to write a thank you note to the firm, as difficult as it might be at this point.
He asked "Why?". I responded "For a number of reasons.":
* It reflects graciousness on your part, especially at a moment when most people aren't very gracious, thus differentiating you as someone unique.
* That graciousness will elevate your stature in the eyes of the people who passed you over, and might even make them question themselves for having done so.
* If things don't work out with their selected candidate, that gracious thank you note might just propel you to the top of the list of rejected candidates worth revisiting for a second look.
* It might make them realize what a quality candidate you are and spur them to see if there's any other openings at their firm that you might not have been aware of and which they now feel you might be a good fit for.
He begrudgingly agreed and asked for my help in crafting the note. I told him it should pattern itself on the following structure:
* Acknowledgement of their decision
* Expression of disappointment (without sounding devastated or bitter)
* Sincere wishes for success with their selection
* Expression of thanks for the opportunity to interview with them
* A request to keep him in mind if things don't work out with their selection
He followed my advice and immediately received a response indicating that he was at the top of their list to contact if their selected candidate didn't work out. | If you get passed over for a job, take the time to write a thank you note. Almost no one does it, and it's a great way to stand out from the crowd. |
t3_12i8ih | pettyrevenge | Music to my ears | After graduating college, I move back into my parent's house - as it's the cheapest rent in town - while trying to find a job/movethefuckout. Well, the job market is phenomenal and all, so I'm still here. Needless to say, my mother and I do not get along very well, and do not see eye to eye on really anything; this includes sleep schedules, of which we have opposites (her: early to bed, early to rise | me: reddit, "where the fuck did the night go?"). As of late, my mother has begun to turn on the living room stereo on full blast around 8am every day, to "coax" me out of bed, as by then she's been awake for 2-3 hours. This is fucking infuriating. ಠ\_ಠ
My petty revenge takes advantage of the fact that she doesn't understand computers/iphone/stereo/magnets at all. She thinks that the program "Sonos" for iphone is some little thing only she is privy to. Now whenever she wants to listen to music, whether early in the morning or any other goddamn time, I like to switch the tracks up, pause the music, mute, or turn off all together. Feels great. | technologically illiterate mother wakes me up by blasting stereo at 8am, use phone to mute it and fall back asleep to the sweet, sweet sounds of her frustratedly and helplessly confused cursing at an inanimate object.* |
t3_z8fuy | AskReddit | Last night my girlfriend made me cry by simply saying 9 words. Reddit, has anyone ever said something to you that brought you to tears? (Good or bad) | Last night I was laying in bed with my girlfriend and we were having a normal conversation. Suddenly she kissed me and held onto my face as she quietly told me "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." Don't get me wrong, me and her are very loving towards each other and hearing her say "I love you" and other things is not uncommon, but this was the first time she ever said that to me. I am a man and I'd like to think I am very good at controlling my emotions as well as showing them but after hearing her say that and giving her a kiss, I could not stop my eyes from welling up and I literally began crying from happiness for the first time in my life. | Girlfriend whom I love very dearly said that I was the best thing to ever happen to her and it made me cry like a baby. |
t3_1mmfvo | relationships | I[21M] know a guy cheated. Do I tell? | I know for a fact that a girl I have never met has been cheated on by her boyfriend, which was with my friend. My friend didn't know at the time, and it happened roughly 3 years ago. So my friend and I began to talk about this and she showed me his pictures. Well I noticed that he had said he's been with his girlfriend for 5 years. I do not know the girl at all, but I think that it is unfair to her to be lied to. I am thinking of asking her, anonymously, if here boyfriend and her have been steady all 5 years. If so, then I want to tell her that her boyfriend has cheated on her. Do you guys think that I am right in doing something like this? | Girl I've never met has most likely been cheated on by a guy who hooked up with my friend, should I tell her? By the way, we live in different cities. |
t3_32i8eb | tifu | TIFU by being lazy and liking free things | So some back story just got accepted into nursing school to get my bsn and when i was younger i moved a lot (different states). Well the school i got accepted into requires vaccination records and TB test. So after work i went to the health department to see if i could get my vaccinations just to knock them out and not have to get a hold of my old school and then get them to send my records (which were probably out of a date anyways). But when i get there the lady told me she couldn't give me the main vaccine i came there to get but offered me two vaccines one MMR and Tdap for free. So i took them Like frugal Mr. Monopoly that i am. Well after i got my vaccination i went to another clinic to get my TB test. but when they finally call me back after the second coming of Christ the nurse (10/10 would date so hard ) explained to me that i won't be able to take the TB test till after 28 days. Because of MMR vaccination which is considered live.Also this is past the time they require for them to get the information they need. | Instead of calling my old school and getting them to send my records i try to get all my vaccinations and TB test done and now going to miss deadline to get information in |
t3_201f6b | relationships | Me [21 F] with my boyfriend [22 M] of almost 2 years, told me he loved me yesterday | Hi guys, really need some input here, I'm kind of messed up right now. I posted this on another site but I got garbage advice that had nothing to even do with the actual problem so I thought I'd try here, it's my first time posting on this sub.
So my boyfriend and I have been dating just shy of 2 years. Yesterday, he told me he loved me.
The thing is that around this time last year, he told me it too. But then he backtracked and said he actually didn't know if he did or not, that while he feels a lot for me it felt wrong saying it, so he told me it was a mistake to say it and he needed to take it back.
Naturally I haven't told him "I love you" because I didn't want to put him in an awkward position when he was trying to figure his feelings out, so I just thought that he'll tell me when he knows. I didn't want to pressure him into saying "I love you", either.
Well that day came yesterday... and it almost feels like the time to say it has passed. He told me and my first instinct was to reciprocate, but when I did... it was difficult for me to say it. I didn't really feel anything. It's almost as if the window of opportunity to say this passed us by a long, long time ago.
I feel like I'm being crazy. I know how I feel about him so why is it that I'm reacting this way? Is this normal?
If anyone has any input or has been in a similar situation I'd appreciate some help or advice. I don't know why I feel this way because I genuinely care about him so much. | Boyfriend told me he loves me, it feels wrong for me to say it, almost like the window of opportunity has passed by for us to exchange these words |
t3_2n1o7z | relationships | I[24F] am spending my first Dec. 25th with my bf[24M] but I don't know much about that Christmas! | Hello everyone!
My boyfriend has invited me to his family's Christmas this year, which is sort of a whatever for me, seeing as I celebrate in January. He is very pro-Christmas, it's his favourite holiday, but the way I've always celebrated, er, Ukrainian Christmas(?) is very different from the Christmases I've seen in some movies.
I really want this to be special for him and his family. His mother has been asking for gift ideas for him and I have no problem in the gift part, but I don't want to come off as weird or not-knowledgable about the season. Really, I don't know any traditions. I don't get why there are socks on the wall? Why are we eating meat? Why aren't we spending the whole day in church and eating at the first star?
I get why, obviously. My question is more what do I do to keep from being rude/embarrassing myself/being part of some Christmas faux pas? What is the thing people kiss under? Why do they do that? Do I have to drink eggnog? Do I give a gift for the family at Christmas? Does everyone get a bunch of gifts from me? How much wine am I allowed to drink when my boyfriend starts singing?
Most importantly: they come from a very sheltered small town which is mostly white, mostly Protestant, and quite Anglo-Saxon. They are from a small town on an island. What's the shortest and most no-nonsense way to explain to them that I don't celebrate Christmas without it completely erasing the fact that I do, just not their way? | Ukrainian Catholic twenty-something does not want to make an ass of herself at her first Christmas with her boyfriend's family. What do? What not do? |
t3_2wtsks | tifu | TIFU by registering as a patient in the ER I work in | So I've got this bloody infuriating infected tooth. Hellish, I tell you. And I just so happen to work in this magical soul-sucking place called an Emergency Department. I thought I'd skip the dentist bullshit and go straight to my coworkers for meds and temporary relief...but then something happened.
I got myself triaged, had my vitals checked, was hit by a barrage of invasive questions from the nurse. Then I go to get my chart printed out and the registration clerk starts tittering uncontrollably...she tried to hide it, but it was pretty obvious she was laughing at me.
And then she hits me with the million dollar question.
"Do you really have a rectal foreign body???!"
Turns out my nursing coworker jokingly registered my account as having a foreign body up my rectum, and the 50 or so people I work with one by one started texting eachother this amusing tidbit. | Nurse jokingly registered my account as having a rectal foreign body. Coworkers now think I'm having gay buttsecks. |
t3_1wfp16 | relationships | Advice for me [22F] having feelings for my long-time friend [23 M] who's living abroad this year | I wanted to get an outside opinion on what's goin' on here.
So I have feelings for a friend of mine who's taking his masters abroad this year. We dated for a while in high school, and I ended it, being too emotionally immature and not ready for a relationship. It's been several years since then, and we are good friends now.
This past summer we were spending lots of time together, texting when we were apart. It felt like we were dating even though we weren't. There were a number of hints dropped now that I look back, showing that he was probably interested, but I failed to pick up on them.
So I didn't express my feelings for him before he left, and now things are different.
As the months went on, he would take longer to respond in between emails, and sometimes not respond at all. I often would initiate emails and suggest skyping, and even sent him a cool package in the mail. Lack of contact with him sucks, and I miss him loads.
I wanted to ask you guys what you think is up? I came to a few conclusions myself:
1) He's interested in someone else/ dating someone in his current locale
2) He's not interested in me
3) He's super busy with his Masters work and stuff over there that it's tough to keep in touch
4) He might be interested in dating in the future, but long-distance sucks, so he's trying to focus on what he's doing and where he is, rather than try to keep in touch frequently.
I dunno guys. My heart hurts, and I still like him. I'm trying not to assume anything or be too clingy because we're not dating - we're just good friends at the moment. It would be nice to get some advice though! | I like my friend who's studying abroad, and I thought he felt the same way before he left. Now it seems to be a one-sided effort to keep in touch. What do you think is going on? |
t3_2r9m46 | relationships | Me [25/M] with my ___ [20 F] 1 year, long term | Me and my girlfriend had the nastiest break up known on the face of humanity, it was extremely bad and family got involved heavily.
I'm really close to my dad and we talk about everything, while my girlfriend broke up, he revealed details about he relationship that i didnt know about. Like my ex told her mom things about the relationship, and her mom told my dad , things I told my ex not to tell anyone.
During this conversation, I diclosed some secrets about my ex at the time. Now we're thinking about giving this a second chance, and I think it could work, but I don't know if I need to diclose this conversation to her or just keep it between my dad and I.
It's hard to just let her go because she knows I'm still in love with her, and vice versa, and if I let her go, and not explain why, she will spend the rest of her life wondering what happened, so that's not an option either. | My girl and I broke up, it was really bad and sudden, and out of anger, confusion, and depression, I let some pretty deep personal secrets about her past slip out during the conversation. |
t3_43598f | tifu | TIFU, by asking my teacher if i could feel her boobs | So this basically happened like 5 years ago, I was new to this high school, but i knew mostly everyone in my class so it wasn't hard getting along with people and making new friends. So we had this new math teacher who was still pretty young like in her mid 20s and she always wore a shirt and wouldnt button like the first 2 buttons and she had really average boobs, not too big, and not to small also.
One day its the end of school, and i'm walking around school waiting to get picked up when I come up with this brilliant fuck up idea, so i go to her classroom and shes working on her computer, and i stand beside her just staring at her chests (upper view i could see everything ;)) then she looks at me and is like do i need any help, and i say could i feel your boobs, adrenaline pumping and everything, she just laughs it off and says no, and i stay for a few more minutes and walk out.
Few weeks later, the school counselor calls me to the office, to ask me what i had done that day, and that she told him everything. He gave me a very strict warning not to be involved in any sexual trouble again in the school or my parents would know about it. | Asked my new maths teacher if i could feel her boobs, she said no, few weeks later got called to the counselors office and was given the worst warning |
t3_4qbo6r | relationships | I [24F] live with my boyfriend [25M] but he stays at his parents every time I'm away | We've been together for 1.5 yrs, and have been living together in our own apartment for 4 months now. I've lived on my own for almost 3 years prior, and he's lived at home for his whole life.
Every time I'm away or we fight, he's right back to his parents for the day/night. He doesn't understand why it upsets me that after a week of my being gone (vacation,work, etc) he's never home at all during it. He won't even sleep there because he says he doesn't like being alone.
He insists he's fine with not living at home, considering he didn't have to move out of his parents' house. Yet to me, it feels like he's not comfortable calling our place together "home". It makes me want to send him back to his parents and live on my own. It doesn't feel like it's OUR apartment because he's like this, and that doesn't make me feel good. | Am I wrong for feeling sad/upset that he doesn't enjoy our home or sleep here when I'm away? |
t3_mw4tg | AskReddit | Dear son's/daughter's of Reddit, when was the exact moment that one/both of your parents, in your eyes, stepped down from godhood to mortality? | Here's my penny for the pot:
Age 12: Driving back from church on a Sunday morning when my dad suddenly decides to take a detour. Every once in a while after church he would drag me to do some kind of errand or to just make the drive a little longer (he worked 2rd shift at a factory so I didn't get a lot of Dad-time with school so it was nice). I usually don't ask him about the mystery detour because he would always say funny things like- "we are going to fly a kite" or "we moved".
We drove up to a cemetery and pulled up to a chunk of graves. At this point, being 12, I had no idea what was going on so I had to ask. He said "That's your blood-grandmother's grave". My Grandpa had 13 kids, some were from his first wife, who died from cancer, and some were from his second wife. My Dad was the second to last kid that my first grandmother gave birth to and she died when he was about 10. I just sat in the car as he got out and walked over to her grave and stood in silent prayer. I will never forget the moment he sat back down in the car. This 220 pound factory worker, with hands that could also be used as a hammer, was crying. It was a silent cry and neither of us ever spoke a single word about it. It hit me like a lead bullet in the gut to realize that even the gods weep. When we got home he kissed my mom and wished her a happy mothers day. | Big burly god-dad cried at his mother's grave on mother's day. It was a shock to reality for the 12 year-old me. |
t3_1beetc | relationships | How can I end a relationship when I think my partner may not be able to support herself? | Pretty sick of my (27m) relationship. My partner (27f) is someone I no longer love.
The only reason why I haven't left yet (and still have second thoughts over) is her child (6f). When I got into this relationship with her things were rocky from the start. But after a year and 1/2 she moved in with me with her daughter. Let me just say that I think her daughter is awesome. I love him so much. But I can't stand any more of her twisted controlling anger.
There are lots of fights now about things I thought would ether be a big deal (Like her swearing at her child when she hit her mother for teasing her, which I could never justify) or her swearing at me if I make a simple mistake (like leaving curtains open in the bed room when I fall asleep).
I've been told that I do nothing (or very little) around the home. Though I KNOW that I do (Pickup her child from school, dishes, bring in washing, pay all the rent and power). So I just feel abused now and being taken advantage of.
The problem I have now is that she is only working part time and I feel as though I can't break up with her because I know it would be horrible for her child and I'm not even sure if she would be able to support herself working part time. | Partner works part time and has a child. I don't know how (or if I should) I can break up with her because I'm worried she would be able to support herself. |
t3_1ijnl8 | relationships | Me[29M] broke up with my long distance Girlfriend [38F] of 3 1/2 years. Update 2 | [Update 1](
I am at a loss. I know that we need to not talk for a while, I know this. She doesn't agree though. She wants to pick up our friendship right off the bat, and she wants to start a friends with benefits situation. I told her again yesterday that we needed to back off from each other, or we will never be able to be friends. She followed this with a string of texts about how horney she was, how she wanted me.
I responded with the following - *Stop messaging me, I do not wish to speak to you right now. Your messages aren't helping with your idea of being friends at any point in the future. You need to stop messaging me. I will no longer be responding to you.* I felt it was needed to get harsh as all other attempts have led to her continuing to contact me.
She responded with -
*If I had abused you, cursed you or maligned you, I could understand your anger. If I ever treated you without respect and love, I could understand your anger. I'm doing the best I can with what I know. My love earns your anger and I don't even know how that happened. I'm sorry that you feel it necessary to treat me like this, because even though I understand you think it has to be this way, I wish there was mutual understanding of why.
It wasn't my intention to do anything to bring up the past tonight, only to release some tension, which I am given to understand friends can do.*
I know we need space, and I was very clear in ending the relationship, and very clear in why we needed to not talk for a while. When we broke up, we talked until we ran out of things to say. I am afraid that if we try to pick up the friendship too soon, we will just fall back into the same pattern we were in before. | Broke up a little over a week ago, ex is saying that she doesn't understand why there needs to be a distance. |
t3_2qer9y | relationships | My bf (22M) is to afraid to tell his parents about me (F22) because I am catholic and he is muslim | he's going home this weekend to tell his family about us, and now that there are less than 3 days before he sees his parents, he decided he can't try anymore and is too afraid of how his family will react to him dating a non-muslim
his wishy washy decision making has been going back and forth....one day he says he loves me and wants to be with me, the next day he says hes too afraid to make a commitment at such a young age
what am I to do? I want to be with him, but I can't take his uncertainty and fear of his family anymore | my bf is afraid of his family's reaction to him dating a non-muslim and he won't even TRY and tell them about us before giving up |
t3_4baxdf | tifu | TIFU by leaving my phone on my bed | This just happened and I'm 100% freaking out. I have no idea what I'm going to do.
So, earlier this afternoon I had plugged my phone in and left it on my bed because it was dying and I didn't want to forget to charge it for work tomorrow. My phone is black and so are my sheets.
Fast forward to about an hour ago. Me and the girlfriend decided to have some sex for dessert. Things got a little...wild...and we moved around a lot and changed positions quite a bit. Once we were finished (not even 15 mins ago), she went to clean up and I rolled over and grabbed my phone. That's when I saw it.
I had accidently leaned or pressed on my phone while me and the girlfriend were having sex and it called the last number I had called. My boss. I had called in sick on Friday and that was my last number dialed. It says the call lasted 2 minutes and 8 seconds. Nobody is in the office on weekends and I think it left a voicemail for my boss. A voicemail of me and my girlfriend (who is not very quiet) having sex. Oh god, what if there was the spanking noises included? I'm so screwed.
I don't know what to do...I don't know how to handle this. My boss is a complete prude and I know I'm going to be reamed for this. Any suggestions? | Had sex with the girlfriend while my phone was on my bed, accidently dialed my boss and left her a voicemail of grunting, moaning, and/or spanking. |
t3_2vkbum | relationships | Me [22 M] with my Best Friend [21 F] Finally got the courage to express my feelings but the feelings were not mutual. This feels like a break up. | So I finally was able to tell my best friend that I had feelings for her that were deeper than just a friend. We had been hanging out, watching movies, she knows more about me than anyone, and I think I am the same for her. But when I told her, her response was something along the lines of she loves our friendship, where we are, but that she does not see it happening. It hurts, but I am afraid I am going to lose the best friendship I have ever had.
Honestly I am not sure if I have a question, more so that I need to get this out. If you have any stories of this happening (I know this isnt a unique story) and how it turned out in the long run, I'd love to hear it
Thank you all. | Expressed Feelings, were not returned, scared about losing an amazing friendship. Stories of this type of thing happening would be great. |
t3_2jmdcw | relationships | I [23M] have the feeling one of my closest friends [23M] only contacts me when it's convenient for him. | **Background**
We met at university 5 years ago, lived in the same flat 2 years running and are really tight. He came on holiday to my hometown, he's (was?) like one of my best buddies at university.
Fast forward to now, he now has a full-time job and I'm back in my hometown.
He's always been crap at replying to text messages/phone calls but it's getting REALLY irritating. **Please note the following issue may sound extremely petty but I find it annoying.**
I plan on going to Latin America for a few months to go backpacking; he has been there a few years ago so I asked him for advice. This was in MAY, we are now in OCTOBER and he still hasn't taken the time to write a list of things which would realistically take 5mns tops to write, despite a monthly reminder. Each time he blames it on work (he has a standard 9 to 7 job, no biggie). I can do the research myself but don't promise to do something if you're not going to do it.
I just find it extremely disrespectful, and then once every blue moon he'll call me to catch up as we have been really good buddies for a long time. Long story short, he only contacts me or replies to my messages when it's convenient for him/he feels like it. He also completely ignored a group message sent by another really close friend (we're like a group of 4 guys who were best buddies at uni) and we saw that he had read it.
Once again, I might be making a big deal out of this but it's pissing me off. | One my closest friends only replies/contacts me when it's convenient for him, don't know whether I should confront him about it or just ignore it. |
t3_20m6tj | relationships | Me [33 M] with my Wife [31 F] 9 years, Do I tell her BF's SO about the affair? | In 2-3 weeks my divorce will be finalised.
8 months ago I was in wedded bliss. We were 3 years into a marriage, 8 years together. I sold my share in a business to fund a wedding and put a deposit on our house together, and we were trying for kids.
Then out of the blue she's brushing her teeth and her phone goes off next to me on the bedside table, the message preview is on the screen. It's a guy telling her how much he misses and loves her.
Everything fell to pieces in that moment and never recovered.
I know the guys name, I know where he works and I know he has a long term girlfriend who he is still with. I'm not sure if my ex is still involved as we're not on speaking terms.
Should I try to find out who his GF is and tell her what kind of a guy he really is? Has anyone done this and how did it go? Did it help with closure at all? | Wife threw our marriage away on a guy who has a girlfriend, do I find out who she is and tell her? |
t3_2sfll2 | relationships | Me [23 M] with my SO [22 F] of +5 years, threesome opportunity problem | Occasionally my girlfriend says that she would like to have a threesome with another girl so that I can experience have a blowjob from 2 girls at the same time. She's ok with that, but not with penetrative sex.
So what I did for fun was to look for girls near where I live in /r/gonewild and message them for a threesome (On my otherthrow away account). I got a reply from one cute girl, but how do I bring this up to my girlfriend?
I'm afraid that she will be pissed that I looked for another girl without her permission. What do I do? It's hard to find unicorns. | Gf said that she would find it hot to have a threesome with another girl. I found a female on /r/gonewild without her permission. What's next? |
t3_3mdkk2 | relationships | My husband [26 M] is very depressed because he's going bald. How can I [25 F] help him feel better? | Hi reddit,
I'll make this very short: my husband (26 M) has a very receding hairline that is causing him a lot of depression. He's still very young and the only one among our friends who is going bald already.
This makes him really sad and distressed. He spends a lot of time trying to fix the few hair he has left to make it look less patchy as possible, but lately he got me worried because he's barely leaving the house.
He works from home, but he used to go to the gym twice a week, to a game night once a week, and lastly on a date with me once a week. He now does none of these things.
He says he doesn't feel confident to leave the house, he doesn't want anyone to see him, and sometime he even cries. He doesn't know I know, but I've heard him several times...
I do my best to let him know I think he looks great either way, that I find him attractive no matter what. He just started growing a beard and he really likes it (and I do too) so I make sure to compliment it as well.
Seeing him so sad about it really makes me feel like shit, especially because I don't know what to do/say to help him feel better. Unfortunately this is something that runs in his family, and although he was expecting it, he definitely wasn't prepared for it coming so early on.
So, my question is... how can I help him feel better about it and come to terms with it? :( | 26M husband is going bald and feels like shit. How can I (25F) help him accepting this, and make him feel better about it? |
t3_1x423a | relationships | My SO [20 F] of 3-5 years broke up with me [23 M] a month ago. It was upsetting for a couple weeks but then I started moving on. I was tooling around on FB and saw evidence that there might be something going on between our mutual friend and ex mutual roommate. | She and I had on and off flings since we met about 6 years ago but remained extremely close friends all throughout. She wanted to date from the start, but I didn't want to for various reasons.
When we finally did start dating, it became clear that she held resentment for me not staying exclusive with her in the beginning. I was not innocent here. But I sometimes think that it wasn't as terrible on my part as she made me feel about it. It didn't affect our relationship usually, but it would occasionally bubble up.
She sort of cheated on me about a year ago. We decided to do an open relationship while she studied abroad. The day before she left she fucked a guy I knew that she knew made me jealous.
We stayed together for a long time afterwards, but there were trust issues. I saw that she had been talking about our relationship with our mutual friend online. She said she was just comforting him after his break up.
It wasn't very surprising when she dumped me.
I was upset, then I was moving on. Hardly thinking about her. Pursuing other girls. Doing me.
Then I was tooling around on FB today and was looking at that friend's wall. There was a picture of him that showed he was at her apartment two days after the break up and possibly for the weekend prior.
They live about an hour and a half apart by train. It wasn't like he just popped over real quick. And I noticed that they were suddenly liking each other's posts a lot. I think that they are hooking up. Or that something's up at the very least.
I felt like I was moving on. Then I happened upon that. Now I don't know what to do. I am still friends with all the guys in that house. That would be weird as hell. I have plans to hang out with them this weekend. Can't handle this. | recent ex might be hooking up with mutual friend and exhousemate. Can't stop thinking about it. What do I do? |
t3_y554q | relationship_advice | [20/m] My girlfriend [20/f] and I have a great relationship, but we go back to different universities soon. I don't think a long-distance relationship is tenable... what do I do? | So my girlfriend and I have been hooking up for a long time, maybe 2 or 3 years, but we just made our relationship official in March, which means we've only done the long-distance thing for about a month. This summer has been awesome with her, we both have similar interests and we enjoy hanging out with each other. Since both of us are living at home we've met each others families, and everyone gets along great.
She goes back to school on the east coast this Friday, and I go back to the midwest in two weeks. I just don't think I can do a long-distance relationship for an entire school year. We *might* be able to see each other once a month, but even that would be a struggle. And I don't have a weekend to give up every month.
My problem is: how do I convey this to her? I've been thinking about this for weeks-- I literally haven't cried so much in 20 years of living. The problem is that the relationship is awesome and I don't want it to end, but I think it has to. She's like my best friend, and it's like cutting out a huge part of my life. | GF and I go to different universities. We have a fantastic relationship, but I don't think it can work long distance. |
t3_3ulius | offmychest | I unintentionally "rejected" my crush. | I feel now is the time to say this. Anyways, this all happened one to two weeks ago. So this girl in my English class started acting weird towards me. First, she was "mean" to me, then she was nice and saying some really weird things around me and doing all different kinds of stuff. I finally began to realize she had a small crush of me. (She wasn't a bad girl, she was pretty, smart, funny, etc. All the things I want in a girl) So I began to like her also. Then one day she asks if Im going to the school volleyball game, I say "I'll think about it." I probably should have said yes but the thing is, this was a pretty legit answer, seeing as the game wouldn't be for another hour and a half after school ended and it would get dark out. I was kinda torn about it but not as much as the next time. So fast forward to 1-2 classes later, we were talking and then she randomly asks me, "Um hey do you want to go ice skating... my friend invited me, I could bring a plus one." I had told myself that if she "asked me out" again that I would say yes. But then I asked her when she was going ice skating. She said the weekend or sometime the week after. My mind started getting a little distracted and veered off and then me like a dumbass, said "I'll think about it." FUCKKKKKKKKKK. I didn't realize what I had said until seconds later. I was so pissed off at myself for the rest of the time. I couldn't get myself to tell her yes that I would go out with her. So far I've been waiting for her to ask me out again but she hasn't, I'm pretty torn up about it on the inside. I think there still amy be a chance but its getting slimmer by the day. I really dun fucked up. | Two weeks ago my crush asks me out and I say "I'll think about it" like a dumbass, really torn up about it; she hasn't asked me out since then. |
t3_3jebl6 | relationships | My [19M] girlfriend [19F] went off the radar 8 days ago and its tearing me apart.. | Last wednsday my girlfriend just went black. She wont respond to anybody's tects, calls or messages. She lives with her grandma and her grandma's boyfriend because her parents died a while ago.
We dated a few years ago and broke up, but recently reconnected and decided to try it again. It was like falling in love all over again, every day. After a couple months it felt like the cupcake stage was over.. she started to feel a little distant, but that felt natural as she has been through some stuff. Now the only things Ive heard from her are this:
Me- Hey, going to stop by and drop off your birthday present
Her- im not home
Me-Hey, did i do something wrong? Its been 5 days.
Her- No, i just want to be left alone. Ttyl
Me and her were sexually active, but she was on birthcontrol and we always pulled out so I dont think pregnancy is whats bothering her.
Ive talked to her Grandmother once and she seemed like everything was okay, but my girlfriend hasnt texted ANYONE she usually does. Not me, not close friends, yet she still goes on facebook and shares things and makes the rare post.
Anxiety is eating me alive, what do I do? | My(19m) girlfriend(19f) of over a year went off the radar. Still active on facebook. Not talking to any friends or me. |
t3_1katwd | dating_advice | How do I [19/F] ask an old friend [21/M] out on a date/for a relationship? | Hey, Reddit! I'm fairly new here, so I don't know too much about how this site works as far as posting goes.
I just got out of a really rough patch. My first relationship ended in a really bad way. Friends were lost, other people revealed themselves to be my true friends and my ex and I are on awful terms. I thought I was happy in that relationship but retrospectively there were many things that I should have noticed beforehand to spare myself the trauma that I have endured for these past few months.
When talking to family at a going away party, a cousin of mine suggested that I talk to an old friend of mine (21/M that I mentioned in the title) to strike something up. We were rather fond of each other back in high school but neither of us said anything about it to initiate any type of dating. We haven't gone to the same school in three years, but we have kept in contact minimally, exchanging birthday wishes, and randomly dropping in on one another to check up. Most people that I talk to confirm that he still has feelings for me, and I have enough feelings to want to ask him out on a date.
The problem is that we don't talk frequently enough to have a basis for me to be able to simply say, "Hey! Let's go on a date!" without it seeming out of nowhere, and I am not at all keen on how to get dates. My ex and I had shared classes together in high school, and he was the one who initiated our circumstances. Up until then, I had never had a boyfriend before. Only several potentials.
So my question is, Reddit, how would I go about asking out an old friend of mine without it seeming to spring out of nowhere/ looking like a weirdo? Thanks! | Finally feeling strength after a bad break up, want to ask out an old friend that had a mutual feeling of attraction back in the day, but don't know how to approach him? |
t3_rftjl | AskReddit | I am looking for something to buy in memory of my mom... | Hello Reddit,
I am looking for some suggestions on what to do, since I am very indecisive. My mom passed away in January, 2011. We were very very close, best friends to say the least. Behind she left me a legacy to follow, and I am very very grateful to be a part of it.
She left me all of her possessions, including her jewelry. She always used to tell me growing up that the jewelery was for whomever I chose to marry one day. Sad to say my fiance is not a fan of (yellow) gold jewelery. Her suggestion to me last night was to sell all of her jewelery and buy myself something in memory of her.
I would like maybe a ring to have for myself in memory of her, but I am not too keen on jewelery myself. I am wondering if you, reddit, has any suggestions on what to buy when the time comes? I am a 23 year old male.
I am also a guitarist. I also am considering buying a high end guitar that will always be with me, in memory of her. Thoughts? Thank you for your time. | My mom passed away and left me jewelry that my fiance does not want. I am wondering if there is a ring I can buy that is nice in memory of her. |
t3_3ucfqe | tifu | TIFU by being a pyromaniac of a child | Ok so of course this hasn't happened today (I seem to be doing alright in the present day on the fucking-up front).
This happened when I was 10 years old. As a young lad I loved fire. I generally was responsible about playing with it. I would melt toys together, and use a magnifying glass to burn images into my grandparents back porch, etc etc. So anyways, this one weekend I am visiting my older brother at his place. Spending the weekend there, playing video games. He smokes, and has a lighter. I also enjoyed taking things apart... so I took apart the top of his lighter. I then realized that you could turn the tiny valve under the gas release, thus making the flame larger. I jacked that flame way up so when you lit the lighter it was like a mini flamethrower! Now here is the fuck up... I forgot about it. About a half hour passes and we are heading out to the store. As soon as we step outside, big brother pulls out a smoke, and low and behold... the lighter. I am completely oblivious and still have forgotten all about it, then boom! His hair goes up in flames. Oh boy... he smacked me so hard in the back of the head... he still brings it up to this day, but we just laugh about it at this point. I was lucky and he didn't get hurt or anything... Just had to go for an emergency hair cut. | When I was 10 I tweaked my older brothers lighter to breathe like a dragon. He lit a cigarette and his hair went up in flames. |
t3_2h5kmf | relationships | My (29F) hubby (34M) is dictating how I spend my inheritance | We got married 4 years ago and have 2 kids, 2.5 and .5 years.
I like my job well enough but it's very stressful and I've never been over the moon about our kids' daycare. They are safe and mostly happy there but I wish they had more education (for the older one) and more one on one contact (for the younger one).
I recently lost my beloved aunt, my mother's sister who I was very close to. She had no kids of her own and left me a big inheritance, a little under $1 million. I never knew she had that kind of money, she was very frugal and always bought gifts from thrift stores and such. Also lot of the inheritance was from the sale of her condo.
I told hubby I want to take this money to quit my job and stay home with the kids. He says it's not really enough money to quit working permanently, I may not be able to get back to work above being a walmart greeter if I leave now. He said the money really belongs to our family, not just to me, and we should make a decision about how to spend it as a unit.
This is not the kind of thing we ever discussed before marriage because we never saw this happening to us.
I am finding myself very angry with my husband. My kids are the most important thing in the world to me and I can't think of a better way to use this money than to get more time with them.
What should I do. Any advice? | Unexpected inheritance, want to stay home with my kids, hubby thinks it's a bad idea and I should keep working. |
t3_2mwsjl | relationships | I [21/f] just broke up with my [22/m] bf. We had been seeing each for around seven months. Feeling alone. | I had a gut feeling it was time to end things with my boyfriend. We had been exclusive for four months, seeing each other for seven. I put so much into the relationship. He had a weird work/sleep schedule so I would often wake up at 2AM to see him and sometimes stay up until five in the morning, even though I had class at 9AM. 90% of the time I texted him first or made our plans. I cooked him dinner, bought small gifts a few times (but he hated gifts), and I tried so hard to get him to open up.
I finally realized I was giving so much more than I was getting in return. He never sacrificed his time or his sleep or compromised with me. I was always the one bending. He never bought me any little things, I'm talking like a cheap flower or a $1 card just to let me know he cared. He was very secretive about his phone. When I did hang out with him I did most of the talking. Then we would have sex and cuddle. I guess it was more of a friends with benefits situation. I told him I loved him. But he wasn't there yet. He's moving in January. I told him I would visit every weekend to do long distance. But he didn't offer up the same thing.
My point is, I can list all of the negatives, but it still hurts. How do I move on and stop thinking I'm going to be alone forever? | Broke up with my not-so-good boyfriend but I really cared for him. Even though I can list the negatives about him, it still hurts. How to move on and realize I won't be alone forever? |
t3_dylcq | books | Need suggestions! What Gutenberg books should I get for my kindle? | Greetings! I am a broke student and all my books are far, far away. I have been needing something to read so I decided to make a small investment for one of those new Kindles and download some free Project Gutenberg books in order to catch up on some classics, at least until my wallet starts fattening up again.
So /r/books, give me your suggestions! Please? It'd be really, really awesome to have this list bookmarked, and (bonus!) you get the chance to reminisce about classics previously read, as well as the wonderful opportunity to argue with other redditors about what's essential for an unread engineer such as I (and I'm sure many other readers).
I figured I'd start with some Twain, and maybe some Dostoevsky (even though I couldn't make it through Crime and Punishment many years ago), some Kafka (I love his creepy, terrifying style, but I can't help but get the feeling a lot of what he's trying to say is going right over my head), Joyce (who's definitely over my head)...
My favourite authors are more modern, and I've definitely seen their names pop up here fairly often: Vonnegut, Murakami, Eggers, and Mordecai Richler (who I don't see as often) | (really? in an /r/books thread about classics?) recommend me some out-of-copyright books which are on Gutenberg so that my broke ass can get edumacated about the classics. |
t3_28hqli | relationships | My boyfriend (male 17) and I (female 18) are EXTREMELY bored of our relationship which is causing some issues. We need suggestions! | My boyfriend (male 17) and I (female 18) are becoming bored of each other and our relationship. We've had some major heavy ups and downs within it....close enough to us braking up and moving on. Still, we stick together.
All we do is sit around with each other and do nothing. So it is understandable how we've spent our hours doing nothing but talking our selves out to each other that we could get a little boring. Our town is small. Population:2,000. All there is in the town is a dozen bars, a Subway, a pizza place, lakes, and woods.
Honestly, there is nothing. I don't have a car at the moment and neither does he.
We want to do stuff with other people but we don't know what! In some sort of sense we want to be frugal about what we do.
What are some regular activities we can do with our friends besides sitting around?
We want to have fun again like we were in the beginning! We thought that we could never get tired of just sitting around and doing nothing with each other. That's changed. We need to be active! I really really want to change that. | My boyfriend and I do absolutely nothing in our relationship. It sucking the life out of our relationship. Suggestions would be nice! |
t3_26nudl | relationships | Me 25M how do I get over feeling like a bad guy because of women's looks? | I've been through a tough patch dating wise lately (for quite a while, honestly..), and frequently find myself thinking about my ex. I've dated a few women who really got me going physically, and a few of those who were also compatible for me.
Unfortunately, I've realized that the set of people who are compatible for me is pretty large, compared to the set of people that really get me going physically. I have a weird "type" that isn't overly gorgeous, but very "cute." Women tell me I'm quite attractive, and that my prior girlfriends haven't been way out of my league or anything, but I still find myself wondering.
I was deeply in love with my last ex (who broke up with me because she wasn't feeling a lifetime commitment), and I still occasionally see her around once in a while, or pictures of her mutual friends post on Facebook. Whenever I see her I find myself feeling that insane "spark" deep in my heart, and it really makes me feel horribly because I know that the feeling I'm getting is me being upset at myself because of the insane chemical attachment to her.
At some level, I know that it's not that my ex is the most gorgeous person in the world, but she was very much my "type," and I find that very few people set me off like that. Of course, it wasn't meant to be, I don't want her back, but I wish that I could take a magic pill that would allow me to feel the same sexual attraction to new objectively good women as I did to her.
The problem is that I do meet a few women I feel this thing for, just a very small amount, which I feel hinders my ability to find new love. As much as I know I'm a complete asshole by judging women for their looks, I also want to know strategies that people have employed to shift their ability to become attracted to other people. | having a really hard time becoming attracted to new women and frequently find myself drifting back to the chemical feelings towards my ex, want to know how to properly detach physically and view a wider range of women as sexy. |
t3_3fd8cw | relationships | Confronting (17F) a former short term (~1 year) friend/crush (17M) from three years ago that I still have feelings for. How should I react? | Almost three years ago, I had class with this guy. He always flirted with me- he would always interrupt my conversations when I would talk to other people, stare at me a lot, copy what I was doing, make inappropriate jokes to me, always try to get my attention, everything. After some harsh words (on my side) and misunderstandings (on both parts) we didn't talk much anymore. I told him that I liked him twice (or, at least I attempted to) but he told he he didn't care and he didn't want to know.
Fast forward two years later, and we either avoid each other like the plague or pretend the other doesn't exist, or stare at each other whenever we cross paths. There have been quite a few times we have run into each other accidentally in the past two years. I wouldn't be bothered but recently my brother told me that the guy was asking him if he was associated with me, but my brother said no and the guy left.
And recently the guy walked into the same class (after school) that I was in with a mutual friend of ours. He stared at me for a few seconds, awkwardly pursed his mouth and left. It was very awkward. There were more incidents after this but this was the most uncomfortable aura surrounding them.
I didn't understand what's going on. I wanted to confront him but he seemed like he doesn't want to be bothered. Along with junior year hassles I couldn't be bothered and I just ignored everything.
Now senior year is approaching and from talking to a mutual friend I discovered that the guy and I might have at least one class together. Fook. What can I do? | An estranged pseudo-friend/crush and I may confront each other once again after two long awkward years of not communicating. What should I do? How should I react to him? |
t3_12tcqp | relationship_advice | [31/F]How do I learn to let go of the small things with SO [32/M]? | We have a really great relationship. Things are very equal with us - he pays a higher percentage of the household bills, but I do most of the household "chores" (cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc). We spend a lot of time together, and we have many similar interests. He is very affectionate, and we have a good sex life (2-4 times a week).
When we "fight", voices don't get raised, there is no name calling. We sit and talk - sometimes for hours - and sort things out. The problem is that ***I*** seem to be the one instigating the arguments. ***I*** am upset over something-or-other, and he calmly listens to me and then we talk about it. Most recently, I was very upset over the following scenario that happens quite often:
We both have laptops. After work, we often sit across from each other at the table and he surfs his internet stuff and I surf mine, catching up on things from the day we missed while at work. He likes to tell me about all of the 'interesting' stuff he comes across. I listen, and sometimes I will get up and go over to look at the article, etc. When ***I*** try to do the same thing (tell him about interesting stuff I see), he acts completely disinterested and it makes me feel like I am stupid and the things I am interested in are stupid.
This happens with conversations as well. He will talk for 45 minutes about cars (he is a mechanic and a race car driver), and I listen, and try to take interest, or at least learn something while he is talking. But, if I start talking about something, he acts like it is stupid and doesn't even attempt to engage in a conversation about it.
I feel like I am a bad person for even getting upset about this. Our relationship is amazing, this is the only thing that makes me feel crappy. Should I just let it go? If so, how? | SO and I have a great relationship. I let the little things get to me, but then feel guilty, because I think I should just be grateful we have a good relationship overall |
t3_2088nr | relationships | Me [27 M] with my ex [26 F] together 2.5 yrs, have been broken up for almost 2 years. She keeps sending e-mails and messages, what should I do? | So almost 2 years ago I ended the longest term relationship of my life with. Very difficult breakup, I was her first kiss, first boyfriend, all that. For months I would receive nasty texts, always with an apology between 6-24 hours later. Sometimes it would be begging to get back together, sometimes about how awful I was, but went on for 6 months. Got a long e-mail asking to get back together 6 months post breakup, responded saying essentially "no"
Still, every two weeks or so, she reaches out for nothing at all, just minor conversation, but I get this sick feeling that she's trying to play the long game and just keep me nibbling here and there. She even wanted to do a "post-mortem" which I stupidly agreed to 1.5 years post breakup, and claimed it wasn't a ploy to get back together, but it was obviously a date.
I just finished school yesterday, completing a long and emotional 8 year journey, that she was there for when I went back after a few years off. She e-mailed me last night around 11 to send me pictures of my first days of school at community college and my university, and it just made me feel sick. How should I respond? I'm seeing someone else with a lot of potential right now, and I don't need this shit in my life to deal with. Problem is, even if she *is* trying to get me back, she has plausible deniability, so she can make me sound like I'm grasping at straws. What's the play here? No response? Short and curt? Open a dialogue? | Been broken up almost two years, but ex still contacts me from time to time and I feel like she's trying to get me back. Sent sentimental photos last night and I don't know how to respond. |
t3_2xr1jw | relationships | I (26F) feel like no one is ever "good enough" and it makes me feel like a terrible person. | The title says it all. I'm 26 years old. I have my own place, a steady job, etc. I have a huge problem that is making it difficult for me to for any kind of relationship, romantic or otherwise. I'm extremely judgemental. I've always been like this. I always think someone is too irritating, talks to much, smells weird, is too unnattractive to even "bother" with. I HATE that I am like this. Its to the point that unless I'm at work, I'm usually alone. I tell myself, "wouldn't you rather be alone than spend your time with someone you don't like?"
I know that its not rational for me to judge people so harshly but at this point its almost so ingrained in me that I do it automatically. I hate how stuck up and vain it makes me, like I subconsciously think I'm too good for other people. As a result, I'm constantly depressed and alone.
Im not sure what my problem is or how to even begin fixing it. I feel so awful even thinking about it. Any input from others would be appreciated. | I subconsciously think I'm too good for other people and as expected, its having hugely negative impacts on my life. Advice welcome. |
t3_1dj47o | dating_advice | I thought (m/25) she was interested, and made plans. Turns out she's got a boyfriend, should I continue with the plans? | They hired a new girl at the office recently. Our shifts overlap slightly, I see her at most two hours a day. We get along well, talking to each other as much as we can without getting in trouble, if we're not talking we're sending each other messages through the interdepartment IM system (this is constantly throughout the whole shift, every shift). There's some flirting, and things like her touching my shoulder when we talk. We're both very friendly people, so this could be taken with a grain of salt. However, it's obvious that we enjoy each other's company, even small things like if I leave the office she'll ask me where I am going and if I'll be gone for a while.
There's an office excusion coming up, about a four hours drive away. She asked me if we wanted to drive together, naturally I said sure. Bonding time. We're both fans of baseball, so I ask her out to watch a game, she said yes, we set a date and we exchange numbers. So I am thinking "this is good, I am taking things slow, but in the right direction." Then during a random conversation with a co-worker, I am told that she has a long-term boyfriend. I have no reason not to believe this co-worker, as she has nothing to gain by lying.
I don't think the new girl at the office is at fault at all, the closest I've ever asked if she was seeing anyone was when she stayed a few hours late to help out. I asked if there was anyone waiting for her, she said "no" that she was just going home. So I've never outright asked her. I can understand this - I know some girls get along better with guys, and would prefer not to reveal outright that they're attached unless they're asked directly. That leaves me with the question of whether or not to still go together to the work trip and the baseball game; I don't want to make things awkward, but I also don't want to continue to develop feelings for her if it's going nowhere. | Met a girl at work, seem to get along well - made a few plans with her only to find out she's got a boyfriend. Should I continue with these plans or cancel them? |
t3_20qa9j | relationships | Me [18 M] with my girlfriend [18 /F] 5 month, how do I not fall out love? | Me and my girlfriend have started dating again a month ago after almost a year we were separated after a five month relationship.
What happened is that we broke up over some silly issue and ever since I was trying to get her back. Over all that time I didn't really want to date anyone else, I was constantly thinking about her. I have letters I wrote her but never sent. I have blogposts dedicated to her.
A month ago we became together and everything is great between us. But I don't know, I don't know what I feel. I'm having tons of fun with her, we started having sex, we talk every day. And I enjoy it, but I don't feel the butterflies anymore. I don't know if I am still in love with her. Sometimes I find myself thinking of this other girl I met over the time we were separated, who really impressed and I had thoughts of going out with.
Honestly, I love my girlfriend. I can't allow myself hurt her again after many different things I've put her through. I care about her. I love being with her. Though sometimes I feel something is missing. I don't know what it is, but it makes me think of that other girl. It's weird, because for almost a year, she was the only thing I wanted in my life and didn't have.
It might be just inexperienced me who doesn't know what it means when the butterflies go away. How do I get rid of these feelings? | Got back with my girlfriend after almost a year of not being together, have a fear of falling out of love, how do I stop it? |
t3_1724yl | BreakUps | 2 months later, mornings are difficult. | My boyfriend (21/m) dumped me (28/m) after about two years for really ambiguous reasons, but which can be distilled down to commitment issues (I guess) and intimacy issues following long distance. He doesn't know why people need or want to stay in a relationship. It's not my fault, but all I can do is blame myself.
Mornings are the worst. I wake up and lie in bed staring at the ceiling, feeling heartbroken in my heart and this incredible empty feeling. I really miss him, and turning and realizing that he's not in bed with me is the worst feeling. I don't understand where the feelings went. All the problems in the relationship can be resolved through communication, I think, and we met up last week and talked through all the relationship issues. But his feelings about not understanding that "reason" really baffle me, and I keep trying to find the answer for him even though I know that rationally I can't.
I don't know if this is anything more than a rant, but it's been 2 months, and I'm overfixated and devastated. I know I should somehow kick myself out of this funk that I'm feeling, but I can't. Honestly, I'm not sure I want to. I really miss him, and I still would really like to get back together with him and believe that is possible someday. But at the same time, I think it hurts that I look at him now and I don't understand where the feelings went. Does he miss me? Does he feel bad at all? How do you just turn love off like that? He's happy, and busy and locked himself into this sci-fi/fantasy group on campus. All the while he complains to me that he feels like he's never had deep connections with people. I feel like our relationship was a deep connection, but he didn't want that. Whether he realizes it or not, he just wants to have these shallow connections. It's just really frustrating, and I'm lost and don't know what to do. | Boyfriend dumped me, having a difficult time, ranting. It hurts a lot, I don't understand why, where do the feelings go, why doesn't he hurt? |
t3_2kujtr | tifu | TIFU by misinterpreting lyrics | Well, first of all this has been happening for a week or so since I have heard the song "Shatter Me" on the radio. Keep in mind I had no idea of the song's name, just that it had a badass violin bass drop.
Anyway, I have pretty shitty hearing, sometimes I need to ask people what they say during a conversation, but not too often. However, I am really bad at understanding lyrics to songs sometimes. So, the line in the chorus of the song "Somebody make me feel alive and shatter me" was misinterpreted by me. I got the "somebody make me feel alive," but then I messed up. The "an" in "and" sounded like "in," the "d shatt" somehow sounded like "side" and "er me," well... I thought it was "of me." Full mess up: "Somebody make me feel alive inside of me." (for those who are too lazy to put together the words)
So, when I interpreted the line I was like well does she want someone to make her feel alive like in her heart? Or... was it more of a physical want.
Then today I googled that part of the song... and I found Shatter Me. Luckily I told nobody of my interpretation of the song and nobody has heard of this screw up - until now. | I misheard the lyrics in the chorus of Shatter Me and I thought that "Somebody make me feel alive and shatter me" was "Somebody make me feel alive inside of me." |
t3_2yex5m | relationships | (I'm opening up). So Reddit, my Ex-GF just got back from Afghanistan and I drove to see her.... | We dated for two years and it ended in March of 2011. Since that time despite other relationships we've kept in contact. That contact has varied from friendly to discussions of getting back together.
I'm a veteran. I've deployed twice to Afghanistan. I understand what coming home can be like. I always wished I had someone to listen to me when I got home.
My Ex-GF and I have been talking regularly. I told her I would be near her while on vacation shortly after she got back home. We talked about me visiting and she approved.
Today I arrived. We sat down and I tried to explain why I was there. I was there to listen if she wanted to talk. If she needed help, I'd try to help with the transition process. I also added a caveat that if she couldn't handle me being there I'd leave.
We talked for fifteen to twenty minutes. I took a shower since I'd been on the road for a long time. When I got back out she said "I can't handle this".
So as promised I got a hotel room, hugged her and said "I reserved a hotel room, I'm going to go to sleep, let me know how you feel tomorrow. If nothing has changed I will pack up and return home. I'm only staying to try to help make things easier, if I'm not I understand."
So I'm here in the hotel room, hoping something happens tomorrow.
I'm not even sure what I'm asking.
So like I said I'm opening up. Go ahead Reddit, unleash your torrent. | I'm here looking for advice on how to help someone I still love deeply who is in a rough situation that I understand. |
t3_44z4ci | legaladvice | (UK) Housemate won't move out - what can I do? | I am not 100% sure if this is the correct subreddit to be posting in, so please let me know if there is a better place to put this!
I am currently a student living in the north of England. At the beginning of this year, I moved into a house on a 52 week contract with two other people. The contract we got was quite favourable to us eg. we are all accountable for our own actions, if someone chose to move out, the other two wouldn't have to foot the bill.
A month or two after moving in one housemate (X) and I started having issues with other housemate (Y). They were mainly small issues such as leaving dirty dishes in the sink for days and the like, but Y would always have a massive overreaction to anything. Then he stole a couple things (eg. expensive perfume, kitchen utensils, food/drink, a jacket...)Long story short, it all escalated and Y ended up staying at his boyfriend's place for a couple weeks for it to all blow over. We kind of sorted it out (though not everything that was stolen was replaced), but after Christmas break, Y announced that he's going to stay at his boyfriend's place from now on but will continue to pay rent and bills for this house.
Straight away X and I informed our letting agency of this, but they said as far as they're concerned he still legally lives here. Obviously, with a history of stealing and dishonesty, I'm not too comfortable with him still having a key and being able to walk in and out as he pleases.
Bascially, I want to know if there is any way I can 'prove' that he doesn't live here and if there is any standing for the letting agency to 'kick him out', as such. | housemate won't officially move out, doesn't live here any more, is there any way to get him kicked out? |
t3_3h93cv | relationships | How do I[M/21] kindly go about retrieving my belongings from my ex[F/20] of a couple years? | I did something really really bad to hurt her a few months ago (flirted with a few girls). Since then we have been No Contact. I'm not even sure where she is or if she has a new SO too or how she feels about me.
I haven't tried contacting her in over a month, but I am flying back to college next week and I had a red duffel bag full of clothes in her basement.
I don't want to make things awkward, I don't even know how to go about asking for my stuff back, because I know she still resents me and doesn't want to see me.
I would do anything to see her again and ask how she's doing and have a chat because I miss her, but I'm afraid she doesn't want that so that is out of the question. I also don't want to be rude and say "Hey just contacting you because I need to get my stuff, when can I stop by?" and then just say goodbye. | Long term lover broke up with me a few months ago, I am flying back to our town next week and I would like to get my clothes back but don't know how to go about asking for my stuff without being rude. |
t3_1mr06q | legaladvice | (took place in Las Vegas, live in CT) Duped into paying about $1800 in bar/club fees. | I went to Vegas with my friends in June for EDC. A friend of a friend frequents the Cosmopolitan and is able to get a free room and gives it to us at a discounted price. The room required a credit card for incidentals. He spends 3 days at the hotels Marquee Dayclub.Invites us up and we pay him a small amount to chill at his "private table". He buys us a bunch of drinks. Same thing happened the next day. We weren't interested on the third but he was there, drinking. A month later my friend who put his credit card down has a charge for $1800. He calls the Cosmopolitan and they said it was all money spent at Marquee. Turns out the kid was just buying shit and charging it to his name which was on the room which was on my buddies credit card. Anything my friend can do about this? | Kid gets us free room, my friend uses CC for incidentals. We throw kid money. Kid runs up bill on my friends CC. |
t3_3dwtdz | relationships | Me and my friends/family disagree on this. Do you think if you were in a relationship that was (somewhat) long-term, you shouldn't date someone new so soon after breaking up out of "respect" for your ex? | So I, 23F, broke up with 24M (let's just call him Ex) because he wasn't a good boyfriend. We were together for a year. Honestly, I checked out of the relationship MONTHS before the actual breakup and talked about breaking up a couple times, in which he manipulated me back into staying with him. Anyway, when I finally put my foot down he took it horribly (borderline psycho... he messaged EVERYBODY asking how to get me back.. all the way from old junior high friends to distant cousins. Yeah. Talk about embarrassing!) but eventually accepted it was the best thing for me. We've kept no contact since. Blocked on all social media.
--
He's not the issue though. I started dating a new person, "Newguy" two weeks later and we were official within a month. He is not a rebound, we're together after two years and happy. However, when we first started dating, my parents, brother, friends, etc. were really upset that I would be so "rude" and "heartless". They believe that since I dumped him, I should have waited to date Newguy at least three months or so out of "respect" for my previous relationship. Some other friends and I completely disagree; when it's over it's over. I don't owe him anything including "respect" in that sense.
What is your opinion? | Do you believe in holding off on new relationships very soon out of an old one if you were the "dumper" out of respect for your ex? |
t3_3w5689 | relationships | My (24F) BF (28M) has bad credit because of an ex gf but the story is sketchy | A little backstory, SO (28M) and I (24F) have been seeing each other for a little over a year, exclusive/in a relationship for 7 months. We've had a pretty great relationship so far. A few weeks ago we were talking about credit scores and he said his was low (mid 500). I asked why and he said because 4-5 years ago (while he was living in a different state) an ex girlfriend of his wrote some bad checks in his name. He said he never got in any trouble, she got caught eventually, went to prison, and paid whatever was owed, but because the checks were in his name it got reported to the credit bureaus. I didn't think too much of it at first, but some things started bugging me. Mostly why if he was never in any trouble, his credit suffered for it (I'm not familiar with all the laws and consequences of bad checks). I did some digging and happened to find a newspaper post with his name and picture as wanted for bad checks. The posts were listed for about 4 consecutive months in 2013. I couldn't find anything on the ex girlfriend (he told me her name). When I asked him about the wanted posts, he said he had no clue what that was about as he never got in any trouble and never went to court. He also said he must've got the dates wrong because it was a while ago and it was a time he wanted to forget.
He's never given me a reason not to trust him, but the whole story sounds off. I don't understand why his credit was affected, yet he never got in trouble, only she did, yet I can't find anything on her. Or how you can mix 2 years ago up with 4-5 years ago. Does it sound like he's lying/hiding something? Or is it just a weird/complicated situation? Frankly, I don't care if he wrote some bad checks years ago, I'm more concerned with honesty. | Boyfriend has bad credit from when an ex wrote bad checks in his name, but the story is sketchy and I'm not sure if he's lying or its just a weird situation. |
t3_45htaw | relationships | How can I (15F) get my father (55M) and brother (23M) to go outside when they smoke pot because of our confined living space? | Alright so, throwaway account just in case. For background, my family had to move out of the house we rented by New Year's of last year, and since then we've been living in a crummy motel. Its literally a living room, kitchen, one bedroom, and a bathroom. My mother stays in the bedroom while me, my sister, and my father share the living room (I don't get why my father doesn't share the bedroom with my mother, but whatever). I sleep on the couch, father sleeps on a broken recliner chair, and my sister has an air mattress. As you can guess, it gets pretty crowded, but luckily we might be moving out in two months.
Every other day or so, my brother stops by to get clothes and shower. Sometimes he stays for a bit and if my father is here they smoke together. They either don't move, tell me to go into the kitchen (Maybe 20 feet away with a wide open space separating the rooms, they're hardly separate rooms), or go in the bedroom and leave the door open, allowing the smoke and smell to just come back out.
Before we moved, I didn't really care when they smoked together, because I had a room with a door that I could close to ignore the smell. But now, this place is pretty much one room, and I've voiced that I don't like the smell, it makes my head ache. When my father smokes alone, he goes outside, and the lingering smell when he comes in goes away in five minutes tops.
If I bring it up while they're preparing, they just kinda laugh at me but they move to the bedroom. I guess that's better than them smoking in the living room, but the smell still lingers out. I get that being outside probably isn't as fun as laying back and getting high off their asses, but it's certainly not fun for me when I have my shirt over my nose, headache, and longing for fresh air. | My family lives in a close space, and the smell of the weed that my father and brother smoke gives me headaches. How can I make them understand that so they go outside when they smoke? |
t3_49pkxr | personalfinance | About to make triple my current income and become financially stable for the first time! How should I manage my new money? | Background here is that I'm currently a cook making around 21k a year with necessary expenses of around 20k. I've been barely scraping by and living paycheck to paycheck, with occasional payday loans (awful idea, I know, but had to make rent) and lots of stress. Now I'm about to start a job in sales where I'll be making a conservative income of around 60k each year. I've never made that much before, and I'm excited/nervous as hell to manage it properly.
My questions specifically are how I should prioritize my savings. My short-term (less than a year) goal is to get a dog and engagement ring ($1000-$1500). My mid-term goal (2 years) is a wedding ($4000-6000). Longer than that is a house and retirement of course.
What rough percentages of income can I expect to put back for these things while still enjoying some of the comfort I want from being financially stable? Now that my hard work will be paying off a little better, I want to be able to take my fiance out more. She's been a real trooper. But I figure I can save at least 20 percent of my income for down the road. Advice? | Newbie finally has money, doesn't know what to do with it, finally visits /r/personalfinance. |
t3_1tblrg | relationships | [31 M/F] with my GF [32 M/F] of 4 years, offered job 500 miles away and she won't consider leaving | My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have struggled to reach an agreement about how and when to get married. She's in a well-situated position with her job which is transferable elsewhere (although no sure thing) but has wanted to consider being a full time mom in the no-too-distant future. I finished grad school a year-and-a-half ago and have wanted to wait until I find a job in my niche field. She's very close to her family and won't even consider being farther than a 20 minute drive. While she's aware I interviewed for positions farther away than that, I was offered a job about 500 miles away. She understands where I come from and says "see what happens" but gives no chance of wanting to relocate. It's been a big struggle for us and the primary divider in not becoming engaged yet.
I love her to death and have no problem staying in our current location but would regret not fulfilling my career ambitions. I'm not sure if finally having something tangible would make her change her mind.
I have to have an answer relatively soon and the fact that this is during Christmas makes it the worst possible time. | We've been together 4 years and she won't consider leaving for a job out-of-the-area, be it 50 miles or 500 miles. Got an offer for a job 2 states away. |
t3_p9tqa | AskReddit | Please help me understand the 2012 presidential race better? | I am such a politics amateur. I haven't been following much, but this [video] definitely makes me think. I'm sure he has said more than just what is posted in this video. Is any of it out of context? Or has he contradicted these statements at other times? Just wondering. He seems like such a straight-up guy. But as amateur as I may be in politics, I know its full of bullshit and corruption. It would be nice if this is how he truly feels, and if he actually does something about it. After Obamas "change" campaign, I just don't know what to believe anymore. Ya know? Everyone was so sure and so happy Obama was here to save the day.... Still at war, still broke, still dozens of huge problems that he promised and failed to assess. But then again, how do I know if Obama is even to blame? I don't but a lot of people seem to think its his fault. Or at least, that he is not helping. But, maybe Bush messed things up too bad, or caused problems that only arose far after he left office. I don't want a political debate, nor do I have an arsenal of information to even have one. I'm just raising questions I have about the subject, hoping to gain some insight on all of this. | I am a politics noob. How do I know what to believe anymore? Also, is Ron Paul the man? Or full of it? How do you know?! |
t3_38tnem | relationship_advice | Really need advice, bit of a jumble | Myself [20/f] and my bf [23/m] have been together on and off for 4 years. We are having a baby together (I'm 5.5 months) and I obviously can't go to a festival nearly 2000 miles away but bf is saving to go himself.
He doesn't do well at festivals, he gets very disorientated and acts a completely different (single) person. A couple of incidents have happened in the past, hence the on/off relationship. We love each other to pieces and are going to be parents! But it is worrying the hell out of me that he will f*ck up and I will know nothing about it, and he probably won't be sure either...
I know he really wants to go because he's about to have his life on hold for a good while... but I don't get a break, and seriously struggling financially. So I think it is irresponsible of him to spend so much on something for himself. We are both working and are still really struggling. I said we could both go to the same festival next year of after and be in a good situation but he got extremely annoyed with me and said he just wants to have a bit of freedom before its gone! (we aren't engaged or anything, and he goes out whenever he wants, so I do not feel sorry for him...)
I really do not know what to do or how to feel. I am very stressed about this situation and both emotionally and physically exhausted. If any one has any advice throw it my way! Thanks | Pregnant, in financial difficulty and bf going to expensive festival. Also gets 'easily distracted' at them. |
t3_31boks | loseit | My story. It's a bit long | I found this subreddit a few years ago was inspired. Because of it and MFP I was able to lose 40 pounds and was just 10 pounds shy of my goal, I then entered nursing school which was incredibly stressful and gained half the weight back. My teachers all assured me that it is totally normal for many students to gain weight due to stress, poor eating choices due to time, and minimal physical activity as all free time is spent studying, so I didn't let it bother me too much. After graduation I start getting back into counting my calories, running daily and even started doing yoga twice a week. It had been a year and I hadn't lost a single pound and I was starting to feel discouraged and started avoiding this sub because it made me feel bad about myself. I felt like I had to push harder and I just wasn't trying hard enough. However I started getting bad migraine so I went to see my physician. Well, I found out that I have hypothyroidism which would explain why I haven't be able to drop weight. She said I'll definitely start to see weight changes and everyone tells me the weight will start falling off, but I'm not counting on it. I feel so motivated though and excited that I'll have energy to work out again and I won't rely on the medication to make me thinner and healthier. I just wanted to share my story as it begins with all of you, the ones who inspired me the first time around. And also see if any of you have had similar hurdles or maybe even help someone who is in the same situation. I didn't want to make up excuses for myself, so I didn't even consider that there may be a physiological reason as to why I couldn't lose weight. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read and I can't wait to have a before and after again :-) | lost 40 pounds. Gained half back. Couldn't lose it. Have hypothyroidism, on medication, back in the game! |
t3_3fnfyl | relationships | Me [19 M] and my girlfriend[19 F], together for a month, both going to university, long-distance relationship? | So me and this girl were in the same class at high school, but i really started to know her during the last year and we became good friends. I had proposed to her some months ago but she refused. A month ago though she accepted and we started our relationship. She is my very first girl, so i was extremely excited and happy to be with her.
Problem now is we are both going to university in a month or so, and i don't really know what to do. I don't know if i could stay without her for a week, two or more and at the same time i don't know if i could travel 3-4 hours just to see her for a day. The thing is she is my first girlfriend and also the first girl i proposed to ever. I really feel the need to stay with her, to hug her, to have her beside me physically ( yes, i also mean having sex, because as i said it is something new and unknown to me) , that's why i don't know if i could stand a long-distance relationship. Since i have been with her i also started to neglect my friends, cause i just wanted to stay with her. The fact that i had desired a girlfriend for so much time and now i finally have one is affecting me really hard. That's another reason i could not stay without her...
I haven't decided yet the city i will study in, so i really don't know what to do. This is a really hard and frightening decision to me too because it's something i had always been afraid of . I always thought university would be extremely hard for me, but being in relationship with her makes the thing even worse. Should i just go with her? I know that love should not influence this decisions but maybe i could just attend university in the same city she is in. But then what if in a distant future i break with her being in the same city?. That would be pretty hard too. I don't know, i feel really confused and scared.
Anyway thank you to anyone who will help me | me and my first girl ever have been together for a month. We are both going to go college soon: should i choose her same city or go my own way and start a long distance relationship? |
t3_4ofii3 | dogs | [Help] How can I help my newly adopted 9 month old trust strangers? | I rescued Morty last week from a neglectful home. From what I've gathered, he spent the majority of his day in a kennel and was only socialized with his parents. When I first met him, he barked for about 5-10 minutes and didn't trust me, but eventually he warmed up to me and now he's incredibly friendly. He's also friendly with my roommate and his dog, but after introducing them slowly.
I've taken him to Petsmart a couple times and I walk him on campus occasionally. His reactions to unfamiliar people and dogs are mixed. Generally, he'll seem very interested and try to pull towards them (we're also working on loose leash walking). If he does get close, he'll bark at them. What can we do to work on this? | Dog wan't socialized at all and is only friendly with people/other dogs if they are introduced very slowly. What can I do to help him gain more trust/confidence in strange people and dogs? |
t3_3uwd45 | self | I've hit a wall in my guitar playing and I'm totally lost | I'm in a kind of desperate limbo as to my guitar playing and I really, really do not know what to do.
* I am passionate about music as whole and listen to a huge amount of music from many different genres.
* I have been playing guitar on and off four 4+ years, mostly without a teacher, though I have had a few. There are times when I played a hell lot of guitar, others when I didn't at all.
* Despite this, I am not very good at guitar. I do not know my scales meaning I can't improvise well, and I know a bit of theory but I am far from playing at a good level (If anything, I have a bit of technical ability from learning songs, but that's it.)
* I've made a few songs that I like, including many recordings from outside that I have been planning on mixing but never feel like mixing (energy needed to find software, etc.)
* I recently stopped again because one the one hand I am in my last year of highschool and therefore have a lot of work (plus other interests) but also because I really don't have much motivation to put any effort in it. I'm obsessed with music more than with guitar. A lot of the stuff I listen to right now doesn't work too well on an acoustic guitar.
* I don't really have anyone to seriously play with, my band is not very active anymore. (Though with motivation, I could definitely revive it.)
What should I do? I feel like being passionate about a guitarist could help me get the energy, but that time is over. I'm really lost. I regret not keeping a teacher so that at least I could know my scales and the like. | I just don't have the same drive to play anymore, and I'm not even that good to start with. What should I do? |
t3_1yd11i | relationships | The day after Valentines day | Some info: I'm [m]23 and shes [f]19 we were together for 5 months abut had known each other about 3 years.
After a great few months together I was feeling a way I never had, she was talking getting married eventually and for once I could see it happening. I had never been able to be this real with someone, for once I was able to fully be myself and I was being loved for who I was.
She had always mentioned that her previous relationship was a very strong one and that she still had feeling for that other guy but they had been broken up for a year and a half and she needed to move on. She was reserved at first but eventually opened up to me and we became closer and she eventually told everything about her, all of her troubles and all of her hopes for the future and I was always there for her.
All seemed to be going well and we decided that we would hang out on Valentines day, it was a wonderful day and I felt like everything was going great. It was that night that she revived a text message from her ex that stated he would be leaving the country because he wanted to start over. She went to go see him the next day, they kissed and she told him about me and he told her she was the only thing keeping him in the country.
She was conflicted and didn't know what to do, I feel like this guy is selfish for coming back in her life just to mess with her thoughts and have her question everything thats happened these last few months. The worst part is that I know shes already made up her mind about going back to him, leaving me here feeling like I was just a a fool who let himself believe he could be happy. | Let myself fall for a girl and her ex comes back and says he's leaving the country and she runs back to him even though he left her. |
t3_46is5y | relationships | My [23F] boyfriend [24M] had a very childish reaction to me during sex | I have been with Evan for about five/six months.
The other day, I bought a new fuzzy black sweater. I was wearing it around all day, over a tank top. Later that night I go to Evan's place and we start fooling around, etc.
At one point in the middle of sex, after the sweater had been removed, I remember lifting my arms up above my head. Evan JUMPS BACK off of me (it seriously felt like something out of a cartoon) and yells "Jesus Christ!"
I'm alarmed and ask what's wrong, and he starts laughing. He reaches towards my underarms and pulls off some black fluff. He says "Oh my god, I literally thought you had armpit hair but its just black fuzz from your sweater."
I was just kind of confused and said "oh, okay" and we finished, but it has been on my mind ever since. I just feel like he had such an immature and obnoxious reaction to what he *thought* was body hair. I usually do a pretty good job about grooming myself, so it's not really ever going to be a concern, but I just can't shake that reaction. It was like a teenage boy seeing a woman naked for the first time. What's going to happen if this relationship gets more serious and he can't handle things as basic as this?
Am I overreacting? | My boyfriend jumped back in disgust because he thought I had armpit hair (it was actually black fuzz from my sweater). He ended up laughing it off, but I am just very put off by his behavior now. |
t3_4ie8ai | relationships | Me M25 is having trouble accepting my F26 girlfriends friendship with her ex | Okay so my girlfriend was in a relationship of 4 years with this guy lets call him bob. 2 years into their relationship bob cheated on her for over 6 months. they fought but they stayed together.
she describes the last 2 years of their relationship as the worst of her life being insecure and having to know who he was with and where he was at all times.
then on top of that when a family member of hers was dying in hospital he didn't show up when asked to by the dying member of the family nor did he show up at the funeral or later for support.
since then she had multiple relationships before we met. now at the moment they still talk via txt, facebook and snapchat and he will show up for her birthday party etc...
also when we're going out to places shopping etc... she mention hey me and bob came here 5 years ago and did this.
I feel extremely unsettled how after everything he did no matter how much good he did how she could hold him in such high regards and want to stay friends with someone like him
now she says she has no intimate feelings for him what so ever and they are just better as friends, they tried and it didn't work.
He also said that if any of his new girlfriends don't like the fact that he's friends with her he'd dump them because of it
I said to her that I don't like the idea of him coming to her birthday party and the fact she brings him up a fair bit or even the fact that I never want to met him!. she got quite defensive and said that some day I'll have to meet him...
I honestly don't know what to do or how I should feel
please help | Girlfriend has an ex as a friend who is untrustworthy and in general a bad person And I don't know how to feel or what to do. |
t3_29loff | relationships | Me [23/F] with my bf [23M] of 4 1/2 years, I posted comments on r/ladybonersgw and he found out | I'm not sure what advice I can glean, since it's in his hands now. I'm just scared and feeling sick to my stomach.
This past weekend, he confronted me about my throwaway and had found I had posted comments on r/ladybonersgw. I didn't want anything from this experience, but he found that I had posted a comment on someone who lives in our state. This was the post that really got to him.
Only I know I would never cheat on this man. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I betrayed his trust and he doesn't know whether or not he can trust me anymore. I would sacrifice anything to show him that I wasn't going anywhere, but I have no idea how. I don't know what to do.
I know I'm not trustworthy anymore; I did a really fucking shitty thing. I feel awful about it. I guess I'm kind of just here to figure out what other people would do in this situation, from my perspective or his. And please, don't hold back for feeling's sake, I deserve whatever hazing occurs, I'm just sorry for him and how hurt he is. | My boyfriend found my throwaway where i commented on r/ladybonersgw, and I just want to know what other people would do. |
t3_2blfha | relationships | Anyone have some good emotional detachment techniques for (21M)? | Young love 'hurts'-weakness in me-and I'm going to wait a few years focussing on my career, fitness and so forth. I am past the initial break-up crying etc. but unfortunately I still have intense memories and images in my mind. Also in the future I would rather that the break-up transition was much sorter and smoother, as in perhaps a weekend to get over a wife who leaves after 10 years. That would be handy.
In the meantime I want to learn because my easiest means of emotional detachment thus far has been social withdrawal but unfortunately this led to sleep problems and a reduction in my quality of life.
In particular I want to be able to go on dates etc. and not actually become emotionally invested in the partner. I will still give them typically special forms of affection, care and attention but, even if they were my long-term SO, I would be able to walk away if they left me without being emotionally compromised by the breakup.
I seek techniques similar to those used by those with PTSD or a history of abuse to become emotionally detached from the external world while a) not appearing to be emotionally detached and b) not actually experiencing a painful sense of loss of connection or lack of purpose
Basically anybody got tips for a bullet-proof heart? | Anybody have a good way to not give a shit if people leave your life/cheat on you/die etc.? I feel my emotions compromise my success in life, as does anything beyond a casual/polite attachment to others. |
t3_38uwtr | relationships | Me (18M) and my girlfriend (19F) are on a break. Is she using it as an excuse? | My girlfriend of almost 3 years has been hanging with a friend she knew from middle school for the past month. Yesterday morning she decided she wanted to take a break because we were "drifting apart" and she wants to deal with some stuff.
She did this last year, the difference being last year we were genuinely not a healthy couple, but this time it's her that's drifting away from me. Last year she ended up going o.n one date with a guy and kissing him, that's it. I didn't care all that much.
Is she using his break as an excuse? Do you think she might have cheated?
Also, she said she lost some condoms about 2 weeks ago and I said "Find them because that's sketchy" and she thought I was accusing her and freaked out. I was her first and she's not super sexually open. I genuinely don't think she'd have sex with someone else, but I'll just add this in case. | Were on a break and she's done this before. Is she using it as an excuse to see another guy for awhile? |
t3_1o7nk1 | relationships | Me [18M] with my girlfriend [17F] of 6 months, she says I'm mean in response to confrontation | My girlfriend and I have recently crossed that half year mark and are very serious about each other and we plan on moving in together in about a years time. There's a trend I've been noticing and I need to know if its me or not.
I left this thing I like to call a "care package" at her house when she wasn't home to cheer her up after a long day. The contents were Non-alcoholic Welch's White Grape cocktail, a teddy, love letter, and some other stuff. I put a lot of thought into it.
She found it totally by surprise and immediately called me up. She loved it. We talked for a bit and she had to go real quick because her mom just got home and she wanted to talk to her. She said she would call back real soon. No call back. Stuff like that makes me feel like anxious because one of my old exes would usually be cheating or something if she became suddenly distant. My gf didn't even contact me all night until I texted her.
I wake up in the morning, text her, and say "Oh hey, I'm gonna be busy with x, I'm not gonna be able to call you back." At that point it was my bad to be inciting an argument like that, its just being blown off is one of my biggest pet peeves.
I got the reply of "you're mean" and its been a common occurrence in our relationship lately. I sent her a message on how I waited for her to call or contact me back and just got "okay" back..
Am I mean for what I said? How can I communicate discomforting things like this without seeming clingy? I need some advice r/relationships. | Girlfriend often calls me mean lately. Didn't text or call back when she said she would, reminds me of shitty ex. I may be mean. |
t3_1bwqza | relationship_advice | [23/m] My girlfriend (19/f) has bad mood swings and might be frigid. | My girlfiend goes through really weird mood swings and I don't know how to deal with it.
For a little background: We have only been going out for a little over 3 weeks and I've only known her for about 5-6 so it isn't serious yet however I have been single for over 3 years and am sick of having one night stands so I want to make this work.
It's really strange when texting she's really lovely to me, however almost every time we meet up at the start she's quite cold and unfriendly and snaps at everything I say which makes it uncomfortable and we just sit there in silence because if I say what's up or why are you snapping at me she turns it around and it makes things worse. The last time it got so bad that she started crying because she said if we're just going to sit here in silence maybe you should just go so I said ok maybe I should then nd got to go out but she told me to stop. However she always calms down afterwards and it's great.
I think she snaps quite easily because she was bullied in school and it's a defence mechanism to protect herself, but I don't know how to deal with it when I feel like anything I say will make it worse and awkward silence is just as bad.
The second problem is that we've been sort of seeing each other for about 6 weeks and we haven't gone further than kissing. I think it's starting to get a bit weird and I think when we do have sex some of the tension and snappyness might disappear. However I don't know if it's just in my head but when I try to initiate anything further she stops the kissing or crosses her legs so I don't know what to do. She's agreed with me that we're taking it really slow but I don't want to force it upon her. I really don't know if I should just go for it or wait and possibly make it more awkward.
Hope this hasn't turned into a ramble, this is the first time I've really written down the problems as it's seemed stupid to me but it's making me feel really down. | girlfriend is moody when we first meet up but lovely after, no sex might be causing problems don't know how to solve. |
t3_4cz6hc | relationships | Me [26F] and my bf [28M] together 2 years are about to go long distance for a few months. Any advice on how to stay close while living apart? | My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and living together for about 6 months. We're great together and make a strong team. I definitely see myself marrying this man. For at least the last year we have been talking about moving across the country to a city that we are both very excited about.
We've both been looking for jobs and a few weeks ago I accepted a great offer. Only issue was that they wanted me to start almost immediately. I'll be moving in under 2 weeks!
BF and I talked it through before I accepted the offer and we both decided that the best decision for us would be for me to move down alone at first while he continues to job search. From many perspectives, especially financially, this makes the most sense for us. We've also talked about a "hard stop" date when he would move without a job to the new city. If it comes to that, he plans to pick up side jobs to get by while still focusing on finding work in his field with the added benefit of being in the city where he's looking for a job.
So, we know that we will be living apart for up to 3 months. This isn't a long time and it's certainly doable, especially with a defined end in sight. I even think it could be great for us to take the time to really get back into some hobbies/passions that we may have neglected a bit as we've adjusted to living together. Anyways, any advice on ways to make being a long distance couple a little easier? | Going to be long distance for a few months with my boyfriend. We're looking for advice on how to make the months apart as good as they can be. |
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