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t3_hgsr3 | relationship_advice | 5 year relationship might end, because of porn. | Hi every one
First of all, some presentation:
me: M, 23
her:F, 22
I'll try to keep it short and concise.
I have been with my girlfriend for 5 year ( and a half); she was my first everything.
We've always had different views on many little things: she's never liked any of my friends, saying they were to immature, she's not into horror film (like evil dead 2) or crappy comedy. She's not into video game like I am, even if we play mario kart or soul calibur from time to time.
She hates to party, while I sometime like to.
She never wants to go to an event with me and my friends.
She thinks that porn is like cheating, and she doesn't let me have any girl friends
An example would illustrate this best:
Last year I went to the ocean to surf with some friends for a week and she didn't want to come. This year, we would like to do it again, and when I ask her, she say she doesn't want to come, but that we should go only the two of us.
On the other hand, I have never been so close to a person. Never before have I opened myself to someone and felt so loved and safe. She's is really always there for me and ready to sacrifice anything for me.
The problem is that I told her that I've stopped watching porn a few years back. We had been dating for a few month and I was afraid of losing her.
A few days ago, she asked me if I had watched some porn during our time together, and so I told her the truth, I told her yes.
I haven't had any contact with her since then.
During our time apart, I have decided not to contact her to apologized, because I realized that even if I was wrong to hide the truth from her, I shouldn't apologize for being myself. And I've come to ask myself if she was the right person for me.
But now I'm starting to doubt myself, and I fear I might regret the outcome of this crisis. | I told My girlfriend of 5 year that I still watched porn since we got together, she got mad, haven't had any contact with her since then. |
t3_y98ke | GetMotivated | Don't go to the gym! | Hi,
I always had a problem with motivation for doing sports and that's probably why I got fat. Although I went running for a while I usually stopped doing it for a long time if I didn't get the chance of doing it for a week, for example getting a cold, which just happens at least twice a year for me, or I got a rash between the legs (you know there's some friction there when you're fat). I also went to the gym for a while but the expensive membership (30 Euros/month at my closest gym) and the distance I had to drive to get there (about 30 minutes, which already adds up to an hour lost) kept me from going after a while.
In other words it wasn't even the sports themselves keeping me from doing it but all the overhead you have to do and things that got in between.
I'm proud that since this spring I've managed to go jogging every other day for half a year now. Even though i had a break because I took a trip to the US for 3 weeks I picked it up right away after coming back. I got a rash between the legs and I discovered that just applying a lot of Nivea body lotion before jogging eliminates the problem completely. Later I got some knee problems in the right knee, I paused for two weeks and then discovered that running with a midfoot strike is much better for my knee. In other words I overcame these problems this time, instead of giving up.
Further I though about signing up for the gym, but as I didn't have enough money I just ordered some dumbbells, because this year I finally thought to myself that any small workout is better than a big workout at a gym which I'm not following through with. So I ordered a 40 Euro dumbbell set and I'm doing some biceps curls and some triceps training and a bit of shoulder. It's not much, but it is something.
I haven't lost weight this year, but I have definitely lost fat and gained muscle, which anybody who has seen me without clothes has noticed. | It's better to buy some gear to do something, anything, than to buy a gym membership you're not using. |
t3_4p94gb | relationships | [Update] I (21F) suggested taking a break from the relationship with my boyfriend (23M) of 5 years. | So about 3 months ago I posted here with a little [story] about how my **I** believed that my boyfriends hobbies affected our relationship negatively.
Like many of you said, the mature thing to do is to talk to him and let him know how I personally felt about the whole situation. And that I did. He understood where I was coming from and how I did not like; but was supportive of his hobbies. This conversation made him change his ways slightly but after a couple weeks he went back to his old self subconsciously.
This is was not the first time this happened either. And this is when I had enough, I put my foot down and told him we needed to take a break, either for him realize what he did wrong, for me to realize what I need in a significant other or for the both of us to decide if the two of us will work out.
When I suggested to take a break he took it surprisingly well, no arguing, no questioning, is this anything to be worried about? I can still say somewhere in my heart I still love him as much as I did the first day we started dating and I would hate to see it all crash.
At the moment we have been on *break* for about a week and things have defiantly been different; not better not worse. I am just confused as to what my next steps should be.
Any advice would be appreciated but please read my last post first. Thanks :) | Told boyfriend of 5 years that I needed a break from the relationship due to his immature behavior and careless attitude towards me. Did I make a mistake? Am I being too demanding? |
t3_ppq3m | dating_advice | Is it a big deal if he doesn't get me anything for Valentine's Day? | We've been dating for about 3 weeks. He's 21, going on 22 and I turned 21 today. Yes, today is both Valentine's Day and my birthday. He's working tonight so I understand not taking me out, but something small would have been nice, right? I made him a little beanie that he asked for but he didn't give me anything. Didn't even acknowledge that it was Valentine's Day, not really. I don't know, I'm not upset, I'm just kinda like [okay.jpg] I'm just bothered by the fact that he made everything serious so quickly - he introduced me to his parents and said the L word - but can't even get me a singular rose? I just feel like it means things are fizzling out, I don't know... | it's my bday/valentine's and I didn't get anything, should I be bothered or does it not matter? |
t3_2tctg6 | jobs | My boss didn't want me to quit after I told her I had other job opportunities LOL | I started a new job this year and my boss and I don't get along. I would never pass probation under her and probably would have gotten fired so I quit. The agency that we work for is interested in bringing me back for another position.
I planned on quitting Wednesday after I unexpectedly got THREE job interviews from three other agencies. The jobs are real, FT professional gigs.
I told my boss that I understood that she was the manager and she could run the agency as she sees fit and I either had to adapt or leave. I told her that I was resigning that same day because I could not adapt to her management style and had other work opportunities that I needed to act on.
She asked me if I would stay until the end of the month, but I declined because she was about to fire me last week LOL! All of a sudden, she starts asking me if I would like to work as a on-call office sub and if I'd be open to working elsewhere in the agency. | New boss came thisclose to firing me but I quit instead after getting several unexpected job interviews. When I told her about the job interviews, she asked me to stay onboard longer and tempted me with other offers. |
t3_3nns5q | relationships | I've [19 F] recently got a relationship with a guy [19 M] with Asperger's Syndrome. | I've recently just got in a relationship with a guy that has Asperger's and I really want to make sure to make him comfortable, and I want to be aware of what to do/not to do.
I've known him for a while and began to hang out with a lot, then found out from a friend that he has Asperger's. It doesn't bother me that he has it, because he really a sweet guy and I've fell in love with a lot personality traits, but I want to make sure how to handle certain situations ect.
I have read quite a few articles about what to expect when being in a relationship with an Aspie, but I'm still wondering if anyone has any tips and ways to keep a stable relationship with him.
( | ):Any helpful advice, and things to be aware of, while dating a guy who has Asperger's Syndrome. |
t3_2eqeuv | relationships | How do I (25/F) know that this guy (27/M) is into me? | Hi everyone! I'm using a throwaway because I know he is on reddit.
Anyway! I've been off and on with this guy for about two years now. We've hung out occasionally, but we have only slept together twice. When we hang out, it's usually informal things, like grabbing a drink or coffee. We never really talked about dating, in fact, we both dated other people during the months when we didn't hang out.
We have A LOT in common, and conversation flows very easily. We're both at the stage, as individuals, where our lives are "on track" and we are happy people.
However, over the past 10 months, things have been different. He moved to a different city a few hours away and we just kinda stopped talking in general. A month ago, I reached out to him to see how he was. He's busy, but was happy to hear from me. I will be traveling to his city in about two months, and he made the effort to ask me out on a date.
The more I talk to him, the more I feel myself liking him. I want to talk to him more. In fact, I really want to get closer with him and potentially date him, but I can't tell if he feels the same. He acknowledged he missed me, but we hardly talking during the day... mostly just at night. I'm nervous that I am setting myself up for disappointment and that he is just being friendly. Do "just friends" make an effort to schedule a date out months in advance?
I'm not sure what to do reddit. What are some ways I can get closer to him in this "rebuilding" stage that won't come off as clingy or annoying? I'm scared to text him sometimes because I don't want him to be annoyed with me. Should I just play hard to get? lol. I don't know. | I like this guy that I've known for a few years, and I would like to get closer to him, but I'm not sure if he is even into me like that, or how to get closer to him without annoying him |
t3_17hoei | GetMotivated | I don't feel like I'm "allowed" to change for the better or people will judge me and make me feel weird. | I've been so awkward, geeky and "innocent" as many people occasionally say throughout high school and most of my life and even though I graduated around 4 months ago, I feel like I can't change for the better and be who I want to be because I think people that I went to school or my family will say things about my sudden changes or make me feel weird for wanting to change for the better.
To put it in more detail, I'm afraid I'll make a drastic change to my hair so I like the look of it for once and people will look at me and say something like "Why'd you change it so much?!" or insinuate that I'm a "tryhard". This stems to the way I want to dress, my hobbies etc. I don't even feel like I can party in clubs or even hit on girls because I think people I know will judge me or ask why the sudden change, even when it's for the better.
What do I do guys, this is holding me back from being happy and I hate it :( | I want to shed this "geeky" (Not as in my interests and hobbies) persona and finally be something I'm happy with but the fear of people asking me why I changed or them judging me is holding me back. |
t3_r0158 | personalfinance | Advice needed on diversifying a new Roth IRA. (Prepare for a shotgun blast of loosely related questions) | I've recently open a Roth IRA. My first investment was $4000 into VTI which I feel fine with. Since then I've added an additional $6000 to max it out for the rest of the year. I'm wondering, with a young IRA, how important is diversification? Should I be seeking to fulfill International, Small Cap, and Medium cap areas, bonds, etc.? Would I be just as fine throwing the remaining $6000 into VTI and not worrying about it for a while?
ETFs I've been close to pulling the trigger and purchasing are VT, QQQ, VIMSX. I've noticed a trend in a lot of ETFs where during the latter half of the year, theres sometimes a large decline. Is there a preferred time of year to purchase one of these large ETFs or is that possibly in my head?
Also, what types of things are key to focus on when looking at a stock or a fund? So far my focus has been expense ratios, one year performance, current price obviously, and then lastly the gut feeling I get from other various numbers. I'm sure I'm missing something.
My situation: I'm 24 years old and currently deployed so I've been trying to do as much research as I could on a slow internet connection. I've ordered several books to help me learn more about investing in the mean time, but the rate of mail delivery out here is criminal. I have a high tolerance for risk at my age. I don't mind maintenance, meaning I don't necessarily want a 'set it and forget it' scenario, however to some exent it would be good for me. I've enjoyed using $2000 to irresponsibly play with, for instance investing in MRVL for a short time, and selling once I received a profit greater than the transaction expenses. I know that's a silly thing to do but tinkering has given me something to do during my downtime that I care about.
Any advice is greatly appreciated, due to limited internet access I might not be able to answer questions or thank responders for a few days. | Beginner to investing, I've got $4,000 in VTI, and $6,000 ready to invest. |
t3_3ij9fl | Advice | Being made fun of at work? Thinking of leaving over it. | So I'm fairly distort about this, and it is embarrassing to even type out, but here it goes.
I'm a 25 y/I man who has lost a lot of weight (60lbs) since high school through diet alone.
I'm not fit, I'm chubby, some cloths hide this cub. Some days I still feel like that fat kid from high school other days I feel fucken sexy. I do get attention from girls from time to time, and have been dating a girl for a long time now.
My uniform at work makes me look very fat, and accentuates my flabby chest...
I get the odd joke at my expense due to my man boobs, and occasionally a shity co-worker will flick my nipple... That is embarrassing to even mention.
Anyways, I'm feeling like crap now and wanted to quit on the spot but didn't because the pay is good and I need a job for bills/ live paycheque to paycheque.
Am I being a baby? This isn't a daily problem, probably once a month but man oh man does it drag my week down. | Boss and Coworker make fun of my man boobs, is that enough of a reason to want to quit, or am I being a baby? |
t3_o4rlu | self | Nice guys Vs Asshole | I've had an epiphany reddit. Posting this one a throw away for god knows why but I have realized that I am indeed an asshole and I'm trying to change my ways. I've also realized for most people who claim to be nice guys they are in fact assholes. So lets get into this shall we?
I've always thought of myself as a nice person. Very polite and considerate of others. Well it dawned on me over the last few weeks that this isn't the case. I'm only nice when I think it will get me something good. IE Sex, money, a fun night or whatever. It has to benefit me in some way to be nice. I've never really realized this before. My friends say I'm a good dude but an asshole at the same time. I think I get what they finally mean. I'm extremely rude to people not in my circle. It's not intentional but it's just the way I am I guess. Hell just today I was at the gas station and didn't hold the door open for people coming through instead I just scooted by them without even thinking. I was on a mission to get a bottle of water and nothing was going to stop me!
This has made me realize that I'm pretty sure lots of the self-proclaimed nice guys who have no luck with ladies, think assholes always finish first etc etc are really the assholes themselves. They just don't realize it.
So starting tomorrow... well today now since it's 230am as I type this I'm going to be friendly to everyone. It will probably be semi-faked smiles and half assed greetings to random strangers, but it's a start right? I figure if I do this type of thing enough and be extremely aware of how I'm acting toward random strangers that it will just become second nature over time and I will transform into that nice person I've always thought I was. I'm not saying a welcome mat for people to walk all over, but a genuinely nice person and not some narcissistic asshole that I seem to be currently.
Any other redditors ever have this epiphany? Did you try to change? Did it seem to work? | I've always thought of myself as a nice person when in reality I've realized I'm a very narcissistic asshole. I'm going to attempt to change my ways. |
t3_26lx51 | relationships | My gf [26/f] and I [27/f] have been together over a year and a half. She knows I'm "the one" but I'm not so sure (anymore) and it's tearing me apart. | Hi reddit.
First of all, thanks for taking the time to click bc I could use some listening ears and friendly advice.
My gf and I have been dating for a little over a year and a half. She's just fucking incredible, and my god still gives me butterflies. However, we could not be more different. The same reasons that brought us together are starting to cause problems now. She's type A, I'm a "free spirit". She works with data entry and logistics, I'm an artist. You get the idea.
For a long while, I was sure I wanted to marry her. I mean, just the idea of it gave me this wonderfully grounded high- that I finally found the one. But over the last 4 or 5 months, we've struggled with the basic compatibility. We have talked about our visions for the future, and they differ quite greatly. Mainly, her being certain she wants kids.. and me not so sure. I'm even feeling that marriage might not be something I want (just because it seems like it'd take away freedom.. not to seek out others, just.. selfish freedom). Though, I didn't have great examples as my parents divorced when I was 2. My Dad's a playboy and my Mom's been married 3 times. Her's have been together for 30+ years.
I'm just not sure anymore that she's the one. But, I am still in love with her. I still want to spend ALL my time with her. I still appreciate how unwaveringly and passionately she loves me.
Is this imbalance normal? Is it unfair for me to feel this way and stay in the relationship?
She knows she wants to spend her life with me. No doubts.
She is aware of how I feel, btw. | My gf knows she wants to spend her life with me. I used to feel the same but have recently developed doubts and it's ripping me apart inside bc I'm still in love with her |
t3_2a5yz9 | relationships | ACTUAL FINAL UPDATE to Me (28/f) with my husband (34/m) together 4 years. We are being stalked and harassed by his ex gf (26/f) from years ago! | This is FINALLY the real, final update to these posts:
I'll make this short. It's a very happy update! (For me and my husband anyway!) After more harassment and crazy rumors, we were able to get a prenatal paternity test done. To our surprise (not!) my husband is NOT her child's father.
I don't think we will be seeing her for a long time. According to my MIL stalker girl's mom has custody of her child because stalker girl is serving a year sentence in jail for stealing thousands of dollars from the restaurant she worked at over the course of the last few months.
I honestly cannot even feel bad for her because I'm so happy for us! Karma finally kicked her in the butt. I hope her child is well taken care of, and I hope a year in jail does her some good. (Although I don't think jail is known for making unstable people MORE stable, Ha). But anyway, stalker girl is locked up. My husband isn't her baby's father. And life is normal and happy again :)
Thank you guys for your support! | My husband ain't the baby Daddy and Stalker chick is in jail for stealing large sums of money from her place of work. Life feels good again :) |
t3_2r11mi | askwomenadvice | How do you read whether a guy is interested in you for more than just a ONS or hook up? [23F] | This is probably a stupidly basic question but I've only been sexually active for a year now and I've been realizing recently that I am super super bad at reading men. I am likely on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum, which does not help.
I'm not really interested in a long term relationship now but I want to hook up with people who respect me and I can have interesting conversations with... Maybe like a long term friend with benefits. I'm fairly good looking so I don't have a problem getting men interested initially but it always turns out the same. They meet me, act interested in me, tell me that they think I'm super smart, funny etc. I get swept up in the attention, hook up with them, and then realize too late that they were feigning interest to get into my pants, and they don't call me back, or maybe only once or twice, and then it's over.
I know the obvious thing is to stop hooking up with people so fast after meeting them, and I'm going to try to do that. But I don't know what the next steps would be. How long are you supposed to wait before you decide someone has good intentions?
Books, TV, and observation taught me most of what I know about social stuff, but my normal approach is useless here. Any advice would be much appreciated.
(Also: I've already tried OK cupid, and it was a nightmare :-S) | how can someone with high functioning Autism spectrum disorder tell when a guy shows genuine interest in a long term hook up, or when he's just acting interested to have sex? |
t3_1ko466 | Pets | Want to get a cat, but the only viable place for a litter box is in our bedroom...is this a horrible idea? | Hi r/Pets! This is my first post here...hoping you guys can help.
A couple of months ago, I moved intoa fairly small two-bedroom apartment with two roommates (one is my SO, we share the master bedroom). None of us have ever lived without a pet, and I'm getting awfully depressed about not having one, so my boyfriend and I are seriously considering getting a cat.
Here the issue though: Our roommate doesn't mind having a cat, but is completely unwilling to let us put the litter box anywhere besides our bedroom. I can understand this request, I mean, when he agreed to live with us, he did not sign up for dealing with a litter box for an animal that's not even his. Besides, there isn't really any better place for one - everywhere else in the apartment either gets a lot of traffic (we spend most of our time in the living room/kitchen) or isn't big enough. Most people would consider the bathroom a decent spot, however, our one bathroom is tiny and there's no way a litter box would fit. I've read about putting one under the bathroom sink in a cabinet, but unfortunately, this is also not an option because we really need the storage space.
So that leaves mine and my SO's bedroom, which actually has a great corner that would perfectly fit a litter box. However, I'm still worried about smell. We don't spend much time in there now, but once I start school again, I'm going to be spending more time in there doing homework. I've done a little research about diet, and we DO plan on using a grain-free diet (fortunately my SO works at a pet store and can get high-quality food at a discounted rate). | We want to get a cat, but we can only keep the litter box in our bedroom. Would you all advise against this? Do any of you have experience keeping a litter box in your bedroom? |
t3_2bd4cs | relationships | I (23/f) am getting mixed signals with my (27/m) crush. How can I tell if he's really interested? | So I met this guy about 3 weeks ago through friends and we were both clearly attracted to each other. We've been on 3 dates since, all of which have ended with kissing and have generally been great. Between our dates, our communication consists of brief texting, almost daily, but not consistent. When we're together, it seems like we're both into each other and having a great time but he hasn't really shown me that he's super interested in me.
I feel like he takes his time with reaching out to me and setting up another date. I'm not sure if he's playing hard to get or if he's just not that into me. I don't know anything about his relationship history or his intentions with me and that may have something to do with it... but there hasn't been a time where it felt natural to bring up. I'm just confused and don't know how to proceed.
Reddit, if you have any insight, this frustrated female would greatly appreciate it. | Me (23/f) is really crushing on (27/m) but I'm getting mixed signals. How do I proceed? |
t3_jq1gn | AskReddit | Has anyone else had their girlfriend fake break up with them? | My girlfriend of ~10 months recently called me in the middle of the day, told me it wasn't working out.. I need personal space, maybe we need some time apart..
I thought this was a bit weird, I mean we have been having a great time, and a couple of hours before this happened we were sorting out somewhere to go away to for the weekend.
So I was supportive of her decision, I mean I wasn't going to pressure her into staying together if she wasn't happy, so I told her that "it's ok, if that's what you need I can do that"
She then said in an angry shouty voice "fuck you dickhead" and hung up. That upset me a bit, and I figured she wanted a bit of time to clear her head, so I called back 10 minutes later. She was very upset about what happened and how I just "let her go" "like I didn't care at all"..
Turns out one of her friends told her that would be a good way to see if I cared about her.. ಠ\_ಠ Seemed like a really stupid idea to me, so she pretended to fake break up with me and I got it "wrong".
I have since explained to her why, but she doesn't get why I didn't pressure her or get angry when she said it was over.
So reddit, has this happened to any of you, and what can I do to fix this almost "mistrust" that has formed. | Long term GF fake breaks up with me while I am at work, I don't get angry / upset at her and she goes crazy, thinks i don't care about her. |
t3_364fv9 | tifu | TIFU by forcing a stranger to watch my homemade porn vids | Throwaway for this short story.
Being in a long distance relationship, sometimes I make videos for my boyfriend. I had just discovered the wonderful site Vid.me and decided to use it for the first time. After uploading the videos and sending it off, I got busy chatting with the boyfriend and thought nothing of it. The next day, I went to upload another video when I noticed that the videos had been tagged with the NSFW label. I didn't remember tagging it that, nor seeing an option to, so I began to wonder *how* the site knew.
Beginning to fear the worse, I emailed their support staff asking if it was automatic or if somebody had done it *for* me. I also asked if I could tag the videos myself so the future embarrassment could be avoided. A few hours later, I got a (very nice) reply telling me how to do it and that they would appreciate if I did so in the future.
I'm so sorry ;_; | Didn't know I could tag videos NSFW so site staff had to do it for me, after watching my videos. I'm so sorry vid.me staff. |
t3_1vp7xt | relationships | I [22F] have extreme insecurity/jealousy issues with my boyfriend [24M] of 1.5 years, please help. | It all started with a coworker. He told me she had a thing for him and tried to make passes at him a couple of times. The last straw was when I found on his cell phone deleted messages of him inviting her to a bar that he and his friend went to. I know that's not enough to break up with him but damn, was I ready. What hurt was the fact that we had gotten into a HUGE fight the night before and I felt he was running to her with our problems. He later told me that they had developed a friendship based on their mutual conflicts with their SO. I felt that he emotionally cheated on us and that had he been given further encouragement by her, he probably would've developed feelings for her. What really pissed me off was that he lied to me about their friendship. They would drink together alone during their break and have drinks with other coworkers after work. I told him to break all contact with her after I found out he was trying to invite her that night at the bar. Well, he told me he would and didn't. I found out because this girl kept sending him texts afterward. So I took matters into my own hands and called her. I was very respectful and told her that I wasn't comfortable with their friendship and that I'd like for her to place herself in my shoes. She said she understood and that she would've done the same. Now that that's over, I still find that he looks her up still. I have had issues with infidelity before in a previous very abusive relationship. My ex displayed the same behaviors and eventually ended up cheating on me physically several times with his coworkers. I don't want that to happen to me again but I feel I'm being unreasonable with my current SO. How am I supposed to let this go? How unreasonable do you guys think I'm being? Please, I need a reality check, I'm harming my relationship over nothing. | I caught my boyfriend lying about his state of friendship with a coworker and I can't get over it. I feel I'm sabotaging my relationship over nothing. Help me gain perspective and control over my emotions again. |
t3_ztzod | relationships | I [22m] need some opinions on my gf [21f] and what she's done... | We've been dating for almost 2 years now. She is very loyal, very trustworthy...however, when she hangs out with a group of her high school friends (a group of about 3 guys, one of which is her ex) she never invites me along. She says its healthy to do things apart and she just likes to have fun. With these male friends, she has done the following:
1. Gone skinny dipping at a "pitch black" lake
2. Had her ex hit on her with an alleged plan of getting her drunk and making a move (not her fault)
3. Shared a bed with one of the guys (nothing happened)
They also have played stripping drinking games together, but not while we dated. She's apparently been down to a sports bra and underwear.
She insists they are, and always will be, only friends. They've been friends since they were just children. I've gotten pretty upset about this stuff, but ultimately I know she would never cheat on me.
Is it wrong for me to get angered by this stuff? Are her and her friends very inappropriate? How should I handle this - should I insist on her not hanging out with them, or is it not a big deal? Thanks! | GF and I have been dating for nearly 2 years. She is questionably inappropriate with her group of male friends. What should I do?? |
t3_4xeoyv | personalfinance | Should I take out student loans even if I may not need them? | I'm 22 years old and transferring as a junior to a state university this Fall.
Right now, I have about $10k in grants and $8k in student loans for the year. My tuition is covered fully by grants and the student loans are covering my other expenses, such as rent.
I have $30k in savings and a family member just gave me $50k (that was a surprise).
I'm wondering if it would be more beneficial to forego the student loans and use my savings to pay my expenses OR if I should just keep the $80k tucked away. Or just accept the subsidized loans??
I grew up dirt poor so even with the amount of money that I've saved and been given, I still feel a great deal of financial insecurity and I'm very nervous about making the wrong decision.
Next year, I'm assuming I won't get as much in grants because I will no longer be considered a dependent student (22 is the cut off). That will be (hopefully) my last year of school before I get my bachelor's degree. I've worked in the solar industry for the past 2 years and I'm an environmental science major so I feel fairly good about my career prospects. | I have $80k in savings yet I'm taking out $8k this year in student loans. Good or bad idea? |
t3_4jd74y | relationships | My boyfriend [20/m] eats a lot of my food? | My boyfriend (20/m) and I (20/f) are in college and he typically sleeps with me in my place (because he has a roommate that is always there and mine is usually gone) but he always eats a ton of my food... For example, my grandma sent me a package of cookies last weekend, two dozen, and he really ate like all of them over the course of a few days to where I barely had any. I mean I understand that by me having him over, as a host, I'm supposed to have food, but I feel like this is out of hand? Am I just being selfish by caring that he eats my food? He doesn't always eat that much but the cookies example was just something that particularly bothered me. Usually he just snacks on my food and such. When he go out to dinner he usually takes bites of my food and such, and even though it's just bites or whatever, sometimes it bothers me, I don't know if this is rational or I'm just being selfish... When we go out to eat together, he really never pays for my meals either. We pretty much always pay separately. The last two times I've had to pay though. The last time he said he would pay me back but he never did... I don't know if this is normal behavior or not for a boyfriend (we have been together for about half a year). | My boyfriend eats a lot of my food when I have him come over or stay the night in my room, and it spreads over to when we go out to eat, etc. I don't know if this is okay or not |
t3_2lhr3z | Advice | Looking for advice on trying to deal with anxiety. | A little background: I started drinking when I was a teenager to be part of that scene and it progressed into adulthood, eventually leading to becoming a functioning alcoholic.
A few months ago, I realized I'm getting a little long in the tooth to still be acting like I'm rushing a frat. I took a hard look at where alcohol had taken me at times and just gave 'er up. It's been about four months and I haven't had a drop.
Having said that, I have noticed something I was masking with alcohol for a very long time. Anxiety. Whenever I felt uncomfortable before, I would just smash some beers or slug from a bottle. Now, I'm forced to tackle those feelings without crutches, and it's getting harder and harder.
My current career path requires me to meet and talk to total strangers. I loved this when I was still drinking because I had someway to cope with that anxiety before and after these encounters. Now, my work is really suffering and I am finding myself depressed that I can't perform. I love what I do (did) and want to continue, but I also love how lucid I am sober, and not being hungover is reason enough not to drink.
I took some medication some years back for anxiety related to my previous career, and I hated the way it made me feel, so I'm not really wanting to go that route. I'm hoping you guys might have some insight and/or techniques to dealing with it. | Self-medicated with alcohol for 14+ years. Quit drinking, having trouble with anxiety, don't like the way meds feel, any coping techniques or suggestions? |
t3_t9rgh | relationships | How do I recover from this? | I'm 24, he is 26. We have been together for two years and although it's supposed to be a surprise, I know that he is going to propose to me this summer.
I was hanging out with a girlfriend of mine last night and we were having drinks. Unfortunately I had too many drinks and messed around with her. Now, there's absolutely no physical attraction between the two of us, and we've been best friends for nearly 5 years. We were both simply wasted and one thing turned into another. I haven't told my SO and don't know if I even should. While I feel like a horrible piece of shit, I know that nothing will ever ever come of what happened and it will never be spoken of again.
We both realize that it was a huge mistake and are filled with regret. I am most definitely not the type of person to make this kind of mistake, I've never cheated on or purposely hurt anyone IN MY LIFE.
What do I do? | I cheated on my SO and am trying to decide whether I should break the news to him. He's supposed to propose soon. |
t3_1sgwsm | relationships | How do I (17M) make her (17) get close with her again if she doesn't really want to talk to me (seemingly?) | Long story short, we were close for a year, so close that we could've started dating if it weren't for her moving. We to to different schools so we can't see each other daily, and she is busy with her last year of school and her first job. We had a falling out that made her lose feelings for me. I said goodbye at one point, but she said she still wanted to talk to me. But it doesn't really seem that way. I don't know. How can I become close with her again just by texting? For now anyway until she gets comfortable enough to see me in person again. | Girl I was previously close with (recently) seemingly drifting away. I can't see her right now, so how do I become close with her again over text? |
t3_2750sw | relationships | Me [28/F] & ex [24/M] in disagreement over dog | While in a relationship with him, we acquired pets. 3 dogs. Broke up; He eventually got in a new relationship and they got a dog together.
Due to circumstances, I've taken care of them all at my place since he was out of state for a few months with his gf. Since they moved back at the end of last year, he's asked me several times if he can HAVE (not SHARE) one of the dogs. Dogs he didn't care to inquire about until he moved back. Not to mention, I was the one caring for them more.
Why won't he let it go, or agree to compromise? I'm not willing to give up any of them completely.
This makes the 4th time he's asked through third parties asking me to give him the dog. Every time I've said no or ignore it.
It just keeps coming up. What's his deal? | Ex wants one of our dogs, not sharing custody, but wants me to give him up. I refuse. But he wont' drop it. |
t3_2o41zl | tifu | TIFU by telling my district manager I had IBS. | So, at my job, our bosses want the newbies to go to a special training seminar a few months after they get hired to ensure that they are doing their job to the companies standards. Well, I started a few months ago and they wanted me to go to the training which was about 4 hours away. Now I was OK with this until they told me that I would not be able to travel by myself, I needed to carpool with the others that are going. Now, I hate these people and I refused to go with them. So I came up with the brilliant idea to tell my district manager that I needed to drive by myself because I had IBS. My DM said that I would need to provide a doctors note in order to be able to travel by myself and be reimbursed. Now, she gave me until January 1st to get the doctors note, I would be able to skip this years training and then attend next years training. I was OK with this until today.... I tried to get a doctors note for IBS and the doctor out right refused to give me one.
The doctor said that IBS is not embarrassing and he would not write me a doctors note to allow me any special treatment at my employment. I was stunned, because I wasnt asking for drugs, just a stupid little note that said "JohnnyCrusade needs to be able to drive privately and have access to a bathroom at all times", but instead this doctor just refused. So now I am getting a little worried that getting this stupid doctors note will be harder than I thought AND if I dont get it, I may lose my job.....
And to make matters worse, I just got a new apartment that I am going to be moving into on January 1st which may also be the day I lose my job....
My cynicism and antisocial personality is going to cost me my job...... awesome. | I need to get a doctors note for an illness I dont have in order to keep my job and so far I havent been able to get one. |
t3_22q6pi | relationships | Me [20 /F] with my room mate [19 /F] of two semesters smells. It's not foul, but it's definitely noticeable and strong. | I am a sophomore in college, and I'm rooming with a close friend from last semester. Our rooms are apartment style, with adjoining rooms. We have our own small bathroom. (this is important)
As long as I've known her, she's smelled- its not terrible but it's a strong BO/musky funk. It's really strong in her own room, and sometimes just when she's been in a small space- like the bathroom. It fills the room in the time it takes her to wash her face in the morning. She leaned her head on my leg while we watched netflix and my pants smelled like it.
Despite all that, she takes care of herself really well- she's fashionable and cute, and takes pride in her appearance. It's not depression or stress.
So how do I tell her? I just feel like if it was me, I'd want to know. | My room mate is a well maintained and cute girl who happens to smell. I don't know how to tell her. |
t3_4obs2z | relationships | I [F20] just started a new job, there is tension between me and my co-workers [mid-late 20s M and F] over lunch | Hi everyone, so I just want to start by saying that I know I have disordered eating but that's not what I need advice about. I really need advice on how to handle how my anxiety over lunch is affecting my relationships with co-workers.
I have a fear of eating in front of anyone, so I will only have some light snacks or grapes throughout the day. I also have stomach issues so this ensures I won't have problems while I'm not at home in the comfort of my own bathroom/house. As with any new workplace, I didn't know what to expect from lunch. I know at some places where I've worked people do lunch at staggered times, some people all go out to lunch together at the same time, some people eat at their desk and chill, etc. I was hoping I'd be able to do something independent so that no one would see me eat, and no one would realize I eat snacks like a pre-schooler brings in their lunchbox. It's really embarrassing.
First day, I ate alone and all was fine. Second day, a girl saw me eating alone and invited me to eat with her. I went with her because I thought she meant literally just her, turns out she brought me to a huge table with 9 people. I was so utterly uncomfortable. I pecked at a few of my snacks and 2 people asked if I was starving and why I forgot my lunch. People also offered me money to go walk somewhere and get lunch or to have a bite of their meals. This is one of my worst nightmares in terms of social situations.
So today, I decided just to not take a lunch break because I felt uncomfortable sitting alone again and acting as if I didn't want to be friends with my new co-workers. The thing is I do like them and want to get to know them and have a positive relationship, but now they gave me glances all day like I'm weird and I don't like them. What can I do? | I have anxiety surrounding eating in public, and it's negatively affecting my interactions with my co-workers over lunch. What can I do? |
t3_3fp6a3 | relationships | How do I [28F] tell my needy friend [34F] that I don't want her to stay with me? | * | My needy friend of 2 years needs a place to stay but I can't handle how much attention I know she will require. **Need help quick she is waiting for my answer!!** |
t3_1f1xnd | relationships | My [24F] SO [24m] is finding it hard to adjust to a new country. What can I do to help? | My SO [24M] of 5 months is from the UK, and has been living here (Canada) for 10 months. We met when he started as a graduate student in my department, and we were close platonic friends for over 4 months before we started dating. As is such, we have the same group of friends within our university department, and are constantly invited to the same events, outings, etc. with this group of friends.
I am originally from this area, and have over the years established several different friendship groups (friends from home, from my first degrees, from travelling, from work, etc.). My SO on the other hand, has not been able to make those kind of links with outside friendship groups, and it has been weighing heavily on him. It puts some pressure on our relationship because if we were to break up, we would both still be in the same friendship group, and while I have other friends close by his other friends are all across the Atlantic.
I think that the transition from a close-knit, undergraduate experience in the UK to a more detached graduate school experience in Canada is really getting him down. It can be very difficult to make new friends in our department (I myself struggled for the entirety of my first year, and really relied on my non-uni friendships), and I think that the lack of a separate group of friends outside of our relationship coupled with the fact that he is missing home is really getting him down.
I would really like to help him in whatever way I can - if that means spending less time with our mutual friends, or giving him more space, or anything else, I am willing to do it. I have also previously lived in another country, and can somewhat empathise with what he is feeling.
What else can I do to help? Are there any suggestions for places for him to make connections with people that are not in our department? Usually sports would do it for him, but he has an injury that is preventing him from doing that. It is quite hard to get out there and make new connections in a place like where we are (Western Canada, very sprawling city), and the 6 months of winter we just got through didn't help. Thanks in advance! | Foreign SO is finding it hard to make new friends in his new country outside of our shared group of friends. How/what can I do to help? |
t3_pe5wm | AskReddit | Should I move south or stay put? | I've lived in NJ my whole life, and I'm about to graduate college and get started with the rest of my life. I play golf constantly, and would like to enter the field either as a teaching pro or doing something with the PGA, USGA, etc. I have about $10k in the bank and by the end of college I'll have about $20k with $25k in loans to pay off. My girlfriend and I are pretty serious, and want to move in together as soon as we're done with college. My question is: Should we move down south where everything is cheaper? We were thinking NC or SC, but have heard that once you move out of NJ, its nearly impossible to move back, and NJ is ultimately where I want to raise a family. I just have an urge to live down south for a couple years and take advantage of cheaper housing. I know everything down there is less money, including income. | Graduating college soon and want to take advantage of cheaper living down south, but want to know if it's worth it. |
t3_1jw8rv | relationships | Me[26,F] with 2 year my partner [25,M] - some wisdom for an evolving love...or stagnation? | Hi r/relationships. This is a throwaway since my SO knows my reddit name.
A quick run down - we met over 2 years ago, and have been together save one 3 month break ever since. We moved in together in Oct. of this year.
My question is about how love evolves. This is the first partnership I've been in that I would call love. About 7-8 months in, I knew I was in love - sometimes I felt like my body was exploding from the intensity of the emotions. I'd cry during sex from the overwhelming feelings, he'd cry during sex from the sheer connection. That was incredible.
Fast forward to now - we both have stress in our lives (who doesn't though? I believe it is just a part of being human, and not an excuse), which doesn't allow for much 'fun' time. We are time and financially crunched due to being students in high demand fields. Otherwise, things just seem to have lost that explosiveness. We communicate about everything (I've spoken to him about this, actually), our sex life is good, and continues to change and grow..but that magic, that overwhelming feeling of connection is very, very rare now. I haven't felt it in a while - I still have feeling of intense...tenderness...but not that initial "exploding" feeling.
So, my wise friends, does this mean I've fallen out of love? Or that we are evolving from lust/love to actual love? I'm not sure what to think...I can't imagine my life without him in it daily - but I don't want to sell myself (or him..) short. I also don't want to end something that is strong, comfortable, loving, equal, etc etc because I have a Hollywood Idea of what love looks like 2 years down the road. :(
I appreciate all wisdom and insight, and thank you for your time. | 2 years in, is our love evolving or stagnating? When does lust turn to love? I want to separate real love from my perception of 'Hollywood' love |
t3_qzme7 | AskReddit | Ladies in relationships: Do you get offended if someone who knows you're in a relationship tells you they have feelings for you? | There's a girl I work with who has a boyfriend that she's been with for years. Me and her are work friends but we've never hung out outside of work. Anyway due to a change at work I'll be seeing her a lot less and for some reason I felt like I had to tell her that I liked her more than friends. I didn't really expect a positive response (ie her breaking up with her bf) but I was surprised at how angry she got. Now she doesn't even want to be my friend anymore and won't talk to me. She said it was disrespectful and weird, etc. Did I fuck up that bad? | told coworker/friend with boyfriend I liked her and now she's a former friend. Was I way out of line? |
t3_2v6h3n | relationship_advice | I'm [20/f] in conflict of to stay with [35/m] my bf of almost 4 months or calling quits. | We started dating on October and recently I've been feeling a bit uneasy of wanting to try to make our relationship grow or to walk out.
Here's the deal:
When I started college there was this boy who kinda grabbed my attention. But I didn't really go further into it because at work where I met my current bf things between us started to happen and we started hanging out and the rest is history. Well I started to realize that I was having more attraction to this boy at school and he seems to be attracted to me too but nothing happens. We don't even say anything to one another, we just stare.
Comes winter break and on our last class together it seems like he was going to make a move, I noticed it but saw him kinda getting shy. I knew I couldn't ease him up a bit because I was in a relationship so I walked away. Didn't see him for a whole month but something about him made it hard to stop thinking about him.
Now, my current bf isn't that typical boyfriend. He rarely says loving stuff, but neither do I so there's that. He treats me like one of the guys which isn't necessarily bad but I would appreciate more sweetness. When I'm with him I realized that we hardly talk, and when we hang out were basically just fucking. There isn't too much to our relationship.
But, school starts again and soon enough I see the other boy again.
Now I don't know if I have strong enough feelings to try to build a relationship. Part of me wants to give this guy another shot but the other part of me wants to explore. Please help. This is causing me a lot of stress and unnecessary anxiety because I'm tossing and turning every night.
Sorry for the wall of text and typos, I'm on mobile. | I am not sure if to stay in my current relationship that isn't really going anywhere or get out before I get deeper into something I don't want |
t3_2gzt2c | relationships | My (17F) boyfriend (17M) is too good at making out, causing issues in our 5 month relationship | I have the most first world problem ever, I know. But he's really, really good at kissing which wouldn't be an issue except I feel like it's creating issues within our relationship. He always makes me super turned on but I have no idea what to do to make him feel the same. I know various things that he enjoys (neck kisses, back scratches, stuff like that) but none of them are things that get him super turned on. We both agree that handjobs at this stage in our relationship would be weird. And when we start actually making out and he plays with my boobs and stuff, I honestly get too caught up to think about things that I can do. He says he doesn't mind, but it really really bothers me that I can't get him as turned on as he gets me. So tips on stuff that I can do to him while we're making out to make it more enjoyable for him, or tips on how to not get so caught up that I can't effectively please him would be much appreciated. | Boyfriend is great at making out, I need advice on how to make him feel as good as he makes me feel |
t3_27b4e5 | Advice | Should I go for an MBA? How to further my career? | I got a BA in Economics/Administrative Studies last year and for the past year I have been doing accounting for a family friend making $11.50/hr. I hate my job. I have no debt at the moment and I need to further myself.
I cannot live off of this income and I've been living at home with my mum. I use her car, I pay for gas on her card, she pays for groceries, etc. I feel pretty sad about that because she doesn't deserve to have me as a burden.
Anyways, I don't see my job leading anywhere... as it's a very small company with pretty much NO room for growth.
I fucked up in college, I didn't take internships or become part of clubs... all I wanted to do was go home and play World of Warcraft/League... and now I'm fucked.
My GPA in school was pretty bad... 2.56. When I was in school all I cared about was going home and doing raids, but now I know better and I would devote my free time to going to career fairs, networking, joining a club, getting an internship, etc. I have completely changed my mindset, I just need to get a plan into action.
Anyways... would it be beneficial for me to get an MBA and try to do something like Marketing? Or maybe get an MBA in accounting? I would go at least 40k in debt I think... would it even be worth it? What is a good career to invest myself in? | 23 years old w/ BA in Econ. Shitty job with no growth. No networking has been done... what do? |
t3_yzov6 | AskReddit | What is the most unlucky incident you know of? I'll start. | There was a very poor family of six that lived on the outskirts of my town right next to a busy main road. The dad was the only one who worked in the family (I believe) who always cycled to his work place, however, one day a colleague had arranged to give him a lift, so he waited by the main road to get picked up. A lorry driving past then lost a spare tyre which consequently rolled into the dad killing him instantly, What are the chances of that? The one day he needed a lift.
But wait, theres more! Once the immediate family had found out and come to terms with the situation, the wife called up her dad to break the news. Having heard the news, he had a cardiac arrest and died on the phone to his daughter. Pretty heavy stuff eh? I would post a news article but worried about privacy etc.
It has been two or three years since that happened, but I still can't get over how depressingly unlucky that family was. But, they seem to be getting on okay at the moment. | man always cycles to work, arranges lift one time, while waiting he was hit by loose tyre & dies. Wife then calls her dad to tell him, he dies of cardiac arrest over the phone to her. |
t3_2464z7 | relationships | [43/F]Getting over the loss of my [M/60] spouse -- how much time do I need? | Well, shit.
I was married for 21 years--my husband corked off 11 days after our anniversary, back in February.
It was a turbulent 21 years. There was a lot of fighting, a lot of drama and tears and some resentments, but there were also a lot of happy times (and the good outweighed the bad, especially toward the end) and I really do miss him.
The last 16 years of our marriage was pretty much dead in the bedroom (mostly because of medications he was taking for asthma and hypertension, partly because he felt like a failure in the bedroom and I didn't know how to approach him about partner play with toys)--so mixed in with the relief at no longer having to worry "is today the day his heart finally explodes?", and all the gallows humour that is the coping technique I share with my in-laws, is a feeling of "finally I can get laid!"
Am I wrong to think this? Does it make me an asshole? I mean, we'd talked about it, and he did make the occasional joking comment about me saying "Seeya sweetie!" and finding some studboy (which is a fucking joke, since I'm twice the size I was when I got married and have a grill like a gorram olive loaf). But now that I have the opportunity, I kinda feel like shit for even having laughed at Husband's joke when he was alive. :/
Thoughts? Am I making any sense? Should I STFU and stop posting while tired? :p | Widow rambles, probably makes little to no sense, wants to know how soon is too soon to find somebody else |
t3_3jarsg | personalfinance | Paid off a collection, can I get it removed from my credit history? | Two weeks ago, I got a notice that said Williams and Fudge has a 2k collection on me. The debt was from a loan I took out in college when I ran out of financial aid. School got hectic and I forgot about the loan entirely. I know, it was dumb. Luckily I have some savings stashed away for stuff like this.
I negotiated it down a bit and paid it. The debt collector told me that since I paid it in full, it should come off my credit history in 30-90 days. I told a friend if mine this and he says it's bs. He suggested I ask r/personalfinance about it.
Can anyone give me some advice on the matter? Is this really going to be on my credit for 7 years? What can I do about it? Me and my gf are planning on getting a house together soon. I need to take care of this.
Thanks in advance for any advice! | Paid off a loan (for college) that recently went into collection. Any advice you get it off my credit report? |
t3_2gv36s | relationships | Me [25 M] has a problem telling white lies to my girlfriend [21 F] | Hey reddit,
Lets just get down to it. I told a white lie yesterday to my girlfriend and she asked about it and I told her the truth. It hurt her so much because she already struggles with trust issues and because I've done this twice before.
We were talking casually on the phone, then the subject changed to condoms and trusting people about STD's etc. She asked, "Was I the first that you didn't use a condom on?" I replied, "Yes" I could tell already she didn't really believe me but she let it slide. She texted me later saying, "I don't mean to hang on to this, but are you sure I'm the only person you slept with without protection? It's ok if I'm not, I just feel like I should know." I replied with, "Okay, you're not the only person. I'm so sorry." She got really upset and hurt.
I told her to tell me how she feels, she said, "I feel like a fool for believing things you say. I try to trust you but I can't. Not bc of me, but bc of you. I feel helpless, it's out if my control. I know the only thing I can do is deal with the nausea and cry."
Broke my heart because I broke her heart. I really tried actively to stop lying like this to her. I'm faithful to her and love her so much but these white lies broke through that. I need professional help, I need a therapist to help me identify why I do this.
What do you guys suggest I do? | cant stop telling white lies to my GF, I tend to do it to make her feel happy and better about herself but in the end screwing myself over and hurting her feelings |
t3_1bz6lg | BreakUps | The first thing my(F20) ex (M20) did was re-add all of his ex-sex partners. | During the course of our relationship, my ex did a lot of things to cause trust issues. On his own accord- to prove that he was trustworthy, he de-friended a bunch of girls from facebook that he had been shifty about/had done things with WHILE we were relationship. He had told me a million times that he didn't have any interest in them despite some of the things he had done and he's told everyone that he doesn't send friend requests ever. But, right after we broke up he decided to re-add them all and block me.
I don't know what I'm looking for really. I know that he wasn't a good boyfriend to me, but he's making me out to be the bad one and that hurts. I'm over him & think he is honestly not a very good person, and it bothers me to think that I wasted so much time (1.5 years) dating him. | Ex claims he doesn't add friends on facebook, but when we breakup the first thing he does is re-add all the girls that he had done things with to cause trust issues for me. |
t3_3hgzmm | relationship_advice | how do I [25/m]respectfully get my girlfriend [25/f] to work out with me? | I don't think my girlfriend needs to get in better shape I think shes perfect and beautiful. But I work out a lot, lift and run at least 5 days a week and I really enjoy it. I think that our relationship could be strengthened by it becoming something we do together as a mutual hobby plus we could spend more time together because i won't be off doing my own thing.
we've been dating 5 years and now live together but we both work a lot so our time still feels limited and precious.
I think she may be dicouraged because about 4 years ago she was a really good athlete but years of not playing organized sports she lost a lot of her cardio abilities.
i've convinced her to do couch to 5 K with me and i run at her pace and while she is seeing good progress she is discouraged because all it really does is remind her of how fast/ how much endurance she used to have. Also i kind of have to drag her out to go running which she says she's thankful for but I would hate to be dragging her into something she hates.
and as far as lifting goes i got her to go to the gym with me once and she had fun she realized she was really strong for her size she benched 105 three sets of 5! her first time with damn near perfect form at around 125lbs! but since then i've never been able to get her to come with me again. (I never push/pester her too much about it)
I work out like this because I love it and I want to share that love with her
Also I'm nervous about talking about it more with her because I tend to be horrible with words and seem to pick the worst ones to express my self I always end up accidentally saying something that gets perceived as offensive/insensitive | i love working out and want to share that hobby and time with my gf but she doesn't seem receptive and i don't want to be too pushy about it |
t3_squrh | AskReddit | What are some ideal ways you've learned to overcome public speaking anxiety? | Long time lurker, recently joined, love the site. Haven't been able to find a similar post yet to answer my question. I'm just wondering if anyone has tips for how to control becoming anxious when giving speeches or speaking in front of a class, regardless of its size. Obviously I'm not really looking for the "imagine the audience is naked" type of tips, but rather things that I could run through my head to somehow control my voice from becoming shaking, sweating a lot, and generally just uncomfortable when talking to large groups. In social gathering and at parties I have no trouble talking to girls and being a friendly with everyone. I can't stand that I don't have this problem with girls or at parties, but when it comes to speaking in front of a class of 20 students, all the sudden I tense up and can't do it. Any help/tips would be greatly appreciated. | College student thats very social, love to meet new people, ect. But when it comes to speaking in public in front of even small classes I can't help my heartbeat from going through the roof, shaky voice, sweating. Help? |
t3_3mwys3 | relationships | My[17 m] girlfriend, [17f] of almost a year and a half, wouldn't talk to me for several hours and got visibly angry because I high fived an ex [17f] in the hallway | I was walking to my girlfriends class to pick her up and as I got about 100 feet away my ex walked up to me and tried to hug me. I declined, not knowing my girlfriend was watching and gave her a high five instead. We're still good friends mind you me and my ex. But my current girlfriend hates her for several reason such as my ex trying to win me back and other trivial bull shit. My girlfriend wouldn't even let me walk her to her class after. She even threw away the lunch I ordered for us. She still talks to her exes and I don't really complain, no matter how much I hate some of them. I just don't see how she could get so mad over a high five. | girlfriend of over a year saw me high five my ex. Got visible angry and nearly threw a fit in public. She also threw away our lunch. Is this even remotely justified? |
t3_3h7xjd | offmychest | The soft version of a morning after regret | Okay. I've got a long-distance relationship over 1 country. I met her in a language exchange and she's simply amazing. We're together for around 2 months now and apart for maybe 1,5 months.
I love her and it would suck to lose her.
Yesterday I went to a party of which I knew exactly someone. So I met a lot of people, we had a lot of fun. None of them knew about my relationship.
We were around 7 people, so it wasn't a big party.
There was also this girl, which was exactly my type.
The person I know tried to get us together and it kind of worked. There was this super idea of getting every girl a dude that watches over her (since there was alcohol flowing).
I, of course, was paired with the cute girl I liked.
We hit off great and cuddled a lot. Just like holding her in my arms and that stuff. I really missed that.
As it came to sleeping, we had to share a mattress and since we were pretty close anyway, we spent the night spooning.
Now I haven't told anyone there about my actual girlfriend and neither did I tell my actual girlfriend about the party.
There was no kissing and no sexual intercourse, but I feel really guilty because it's kind of borderline cheating.
Fuck... that felt good to get off my chest. | Cuddled and spooned with girl I met at the same party while in a long-distance relationship nobody knew anything about |
t3_1pytt2 | relationships | Please help me [F22] get over something insensitive that my boyfriend [M22] said to me in bed | Hi Reddit. F22, dating M22 for a little over a year now and I think I'm the happiest I have ever been in a while. We moved in together a short while ago and it has so far been a lot more seamless transition than I think everyone (myself included) expected.
Anyway, so last night we were just laying in bed joking around and bantering as usual--I was giving him shit for playing a female character in a video game who had huuuge knockers and asked if that's how she fought monsters. Then he replied, "only you would think about fighting monsters with your boobs....cause neither of them exist!!" ......Ouch.
Okay, let's be realistic here. I'm a 32B on a good day, can never wear strapless stuff or else I look like a joke, and the one thing I'm thankful for is that the rest of my body is as petite as my boobs so they don't took TOO pathetic. I spent a good while in high school and the beginning of college being insecure about it, but later realized, fuck it--I'll just rock what I got. I thought that I was over it by now, but that remark really stung and now I feel pretty shitty. I know he didn't mean it in a mean way, or maybe didn't realize it would come out like that, or whatever, and I think he realized it too. But now I need help getting over it because I don't want to be mad over something that 1) is admittedly true, and 2) I can't do anything about.
Halp? Any perspectives or tips or anything really would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to make a prissy fuss over this, but at the same time I can't deny that it was rude of him and I tend to internalize things a lot, which can be unhealthy. | Boyfriend made a joke about boobs that came out kind of mean, feelings hurt, don't want to stay mad, need help getting over it :( |
t3_3cx2qz | relationships | My wife [F24] and I [M27] are separated but live together. She currently dating someone. I still have feeling for her. Should she stay with me still? | As title suggested. We have been dating for 3 years and married for 3 years. It was a forced married from her parents side due to the fact that dating is not accepted in our culture. We thought that we will be "the one" for each other. It turns out that she fell out of love from me. However, we remain really close to each other. She's my best friend and I'm hers.
We (especially her) have been trying to reignite the love for each other in the past year. It doesn't seem to work at all. I still love her because I'm pretty much settle by now. She's still young and she wants her independent. I do not object.
She recently found a nice guy. They have been dating for 3 weeks already. She really likes the guy. Even though it sucks to hear that, I'm glad she's happy and I don't want to force her to fix our marriage anymore. It is only going to turn ugly in the long run. You can't force anyone to love you.
The problem with this relationship is that she can't get out of this marriage. It's cultural thing in my country that judges women who are widow; they will not get good reputation after divorce. Her parents are from well respected family and they might disown her. She's a celebrity in my country as well. Divorcing will mostly likely put her into a really bad situation. I understand that is why I still care and show support for her. However, I just can't stand seeing her going out with the guy like that since I still have feeling for her and she knows it too. I rather have her leave completely and I will try to recover myself but it seems like it's not going to happen any sooner.
I'm a bit stuck in this situation now as much as I want to help her, I have to think about my own feeling too. I don't really have any solution that will not harm both of us. | we're still in marriage but live secretly as a separated couples. We can't divorce; it might jeopardize my wife life. She's dating a guy and I can't stand it but I want to help her. |
t3_3oqdlr | relationships | [Update] Me [23M] trying to right my wrongs with past relationships and move on with my life | link to previous post: [
So during the past week, I took off some time from work and took Stella to Vegas, Grand Canyon, LA, SD, etc. I spent probably $4-5K and a lot of physical investment (time/stress/lack of sleep) due to an incident during the trip. All in all, I have no regrets and we've both moved past that incident during the trip.
Since there were some outlying incidents that caused me a lot of stress during the week and that I had to get sorted out asap, my roommate's good friend, John, took Stella around the area in my stead. I think he ended up spending around $2K as well (gifted her a designer bag, paid for hotel reservations, whatnot). Of course when I initially heard this I was pretty jealous/pissed, but I didn't have any right to interfere.
Stella's been living at my place for the past couple weeks. Now the part that I found out through my roommate was that Stella took, without permission, money from John. Granted to John, he had said he would gift her something and that the several hundred dollars she took wasn't a big deal, but that doesn't give Stella the right to outright take it before John offered. In addition to this incident, after the trip I took her on, it's a bit sketchy that she would bullshit and lie to my roommates about the trip and the money I spent on her over the past week, claiming she paid for her half (50/50). She spent maybe $100 on gambling/souvenirs. I don't understand why she would blatantly lie to my roommates since she stands to gain nothing from lying to them...
All in all, it really made me question the girl I once knew, but I'm glad I dodged a huge bullet. Stella is sketchy as fuck and I am glad nothing developed between her and me. I am going to actively avoid Stella, but there's no easy way to tell my relatives... | Re-acquainted with long-time crush, she went on two trips with separate guys, and ended up lying to my roommates about both trips. Dodged a real huge bullet. |
t3_3h1mte | relationships | Me[21M] and my BF[23M] of 6 months, are planning on moving in with a Sugar Daddy. Is this a good idea? | My BF had to go out of the country for personal reasons and won't be back for a few months still. We've been doing long distance since then and things haven't gone so well.
The flame has faded somewhat and told me that when he came back he was gonna finish his last semester of school and then move in with a Sugar Daddy to live an easy life. That meant we were breaking up. Needless to say I bawled my eyes out for two days straight because I still love him.
He said he didn't like the idea. He still loves me but he has no other choice. I begged him to reconsider and take some more time to think things through. He agreed. He said that if I were up for it, he could try and get the Sugar Daddy he plans on living with to take me in with him.
I said yes. He asked him and he agreed to take us both in. I figured that it was a win-win-win situation because we get to be together, we would receive financial support to continue school and the gentleman would also get what he wanted.
I am willing to go through with this. Things are in motion.
However, there's a 0.01% part of me that is somewhat uneasy with the idea. This arrangement would mean sharing my BF that I love with another man. We discussed open relationships before and I was ok with it so I am not THAT bothered by it. But like I said, there's a minimal part that doesn't like the idea.
Is this a good idea?
What would you do different? | BF wants to break up and live with sugar Daddy. I asked him to reconsider and we compromised. Now both of us plan on living with one. Is this the right call? |
t3_2wnvsz | relationships | [20/m] I found some information about my [20/f] girlfriend, It's slowing ruining our 6 year relationship. | I asked many people on forums, and all I get is people being rude, telling me to grow up etc. All I'm looking for is advice.
We are both in university. We both live in the same halls. Although, I found out that my girlfriend likes one of my hall mates "more than she should", I don't think she's "in love" with him but she likes him a lot. I've spoken to her about this and all it did is cause her to have a panic attack and upset us both, this has caused a rough patch at the moment.
But now. I can't even be around my girlfriend or my friend when they are together due to how she acts with him. She does things for him that she has never done for me, He's all she talks about and she will rarely go anywhere unless he is there, even with me.
I trust her, I have no reason to think she would ever cheat on me, nor do I think he will do that to me either, but they're going out drinking tonight for our friends birthday and they are both going. I can't help but think that if she gets too drunk that she MIGHT try something with him. I love this girl. I understand we're young but that shouldn't matter.
I don't know what to do here. It really hurts when I think about this stuff, even when I know that they are together (Chilling in my university hall, Watching movies with the group or anything) if I'm there or not. I want to bring it up again but she told me she doesn't like him like that but it's all I can think about now... | I Found out that my Girlfriend likes my friend. I get emotional when I see them together and can't even stand being around them when they are together, this is slowing breaking us apart. |
t3_idgfn | travel | Summer holidays in Europe help please /travel! | My gf and I (both 29) are Australian teachers working in London, and as such are planning our summer vacation at the moment. We have 6 weeks and plan to spend the majority of the time travelling, breaking it up into 3 ~1-2 week blocks, returning home to London in between, and finishing up with La Tomatina festival in Brunol, Spain at the end of the holidays. We have had a few shorter holidays since we got here in Feb, but this is our first big holiday to plan, and as such we are really in need of advice!
We are thinking at the moment to do ~1 week somewhere beachy in a resort (was thinking Sharm el Sheik, but flights are pricey), ~1 week in Iceland, ~2.5 weeks either driving (hire car) through Central Europe (Prague/Bratislava/Budapest/Vienna/Ljubljana/Split), or driving from London through France, Switzerland, Germany, Netherlands & Belgium (we have our own car, although it gets lousy mileage ~20mpg combined). We are having problems making decisions though as there's just so much to see!
We have already visited Barelona, Santorini, Kos, Nice, Sicily & Sardinia, and are not really into the whole hostel scene (blasphemy, I know...) so would be looking at staying in decent hotels in most cities. During the driving portion we were thinking of getting some camping gear and spending a few nights camping out as there is some amazing countryside in both Central and Western Europe that we definitely want to see.
Sorry for the essay, my first post here and just wanted to get as much info across as possible! | Aussie couple planning summer holidays in Europe, 1 week at beach resort, 1 week in Iceland, 2.5 weeks driving through Central Europe or driving from London through Western Europe, finish with La Tomatina. Advice please! |
t3_1t8jxf | relationships | I [22 M] am going on my first 'real' date with someone [20 F]. I'm not really sure how to handle it. | I got this girl's number a while back and we've been texting each other (which I kind of hate doing, but whatever, it's convenient), and we're finally actually going on a date tomorrow.
We're meeting up for coffee at a neat place my friends told me about, and then its a short walk from there to some local art galleries. I've never been, but she's an art student, and I thought it could be interesting. At the very least, it's better conversationally than going to a movie or something.
Like the title says, I've never really been on an actual 'date' before. I've had girlfriends and stuff, but they usually came about from being drunk and the sex being better than average. I'm not really sure how to handle myself on a real date.
What do? | I've never really been on a date before, I'm taking a girl to get coffee and look at art. Cool? |
t3_l4tud | AskReddit | Reddit, my friend got cheated out of $50. How could this have gone better? | My friend and her boyfriend are poor medical students living in Chicago off their loan money. Last week, she went to drop him off at his apartment after lunch. She tried to parallel park her car on the street right in front of the apartment, but realized that the spot was too small midway and pulled out. As she pulled out, she heared a man screaming at her from his window on one of the higher floors of the apartment about how she hit his car and he's gonna call the cops unless she pays for the damages. Since she did not hit his car, they get into a screaming match for about 10 minutes. Then the guy came outside to continue the argument. He was an older guy (forties, maybe?) and very disheveled-looking. He pointed to a chip on his car right above the license plate (his car was a busted up Taurus from the early 90's or some shit) and accused her of putting it there. After more argument, they agreed to call the cops. My friend first called her dad to tell him the situation. It took a while to get hold of her dad, so the crazy guy got impatient and asked my friend's boyfriend to settle the whole thing with $50. My friend's boyfriend agreed, knowing he'd have to live in the same building as this crazy asshole.
This guy is ALWAYS standing outside the apartment whenever they enter or leave, so they see him all the time now. I know it's a good thing that they stopped the confrontation so that her boyfriend can live in peace, but I can't help but wonder if there was something they could've done to avoid paying unnecessary money that would have been better spent on groceries, laundry, or SOMETHING other than feeding this guy's drug addiction, or whatever shit he did with it. | Crazy guy falsely accused his neighbor's girlfriend of hitting his car and got $50 out of them. Haunts the entrance to their apartment and could have easily been a threat if they didn't comply. |
t3_2t76zk | tifu | TIFU by going to the gym. | Back story: About a week ago I had some minor weather proofing done to my house provided by the PG&E. Today was a scheduled appointment for the quality assurance check up to make sure the previous guy did a good job.
Me: Father of 1 year old who's wife is out of town for military training. I'm a full time student that doesn't work because my GI Bill benefits supplement my income enough to maintain the bills and my daughters daycare. The night before last I was up all night doing homework and slept through the day. So last night I had a hard time falling asleep.
Today: Not wanting to ruin my work out schedule, I dropped my daughter off at daycare and went to the gym, exhausting myself as I always do. After I went home and showered, I passed out for about 15 minutes until I was woken up by a knock at the door and my dogs barking. In my sleep deprived and mentally drained state, I forgot I hadn't put any clothes on before passing out and answered the door in nothing but my birthday suite. The guy, after trying to make this awkward situation stop, said he would wait outside until I got some clothes on and locked my dogs outside. I was pretty embarrassed and we didn't make eye contact the entire time he was in my house. | Passed out after the gym and woke up only to expose myself to the PG&E guy. He wasn't amused. |
t3_4p4r3k | relationships | I [M26] am dating an older woman [F32] How do I let her know i just want casual? | ive had two dates with the woman, who is great, so friendly and the physical attraction is there. i met her on tinder.
however I dont see much long term with her, for me she is a little out of the age bracket of what I would choose for a potential serious relationship.
it only been 2 dates but she seems quite into me, she has only been split from her husband for about 5 months.
I would be happy to date and hang out for a few months, we seem to have a bit of sexual tension and get on well enough to potentially have some fun, but I am starting to get the impression she wants someone more meaningful.
we have only shared a brief kiss, but im hesitant of taking things further as I dont want to hurt her feelings.
from reading between the lines before we met the first time I felt she was looking for casual too, now im not so sure, where do i go from here? | dating an older woman, she is slightly too old for me to be my girlfriend, but i enjoy hanging out with her, how do i make sure we are on the same wave length? |
t3_3566y1 | relationships | My [25M] girlfriend [26F] asked me how many women I've slept with - I feel uncomfortable answering | Standard throw away because friend and the person in question knows my username. I've been seeing this girl for like half a year. we're not officially together but are in everything but name a couple. Everything is great and we have a really good time together and this post isn't really about any drama at all, it's just this question that has me feeling a little bit off. She was my first, which isn't a real problem, but I feel like not having slept with anyone before makes me saying things like how much I enjoy having sex with her seem worthless, since I don't really have anything to compare our sex with.
She's a very tolerant person and I don't think it would be an issue for her. I wouldn't lie to her but don't really want to not answer her, even though she wouldn't care if I didn't answer! The thing I want to ask is if it would matter for any of you care if you were someones first at the age of 25-ish?
I guess it is relevant, at least for me, that I was in a long-term relationship before (5 years) with an asexual person. which messed me up some. I don't really want to talk about that with her, because it feels really weird in retrospect. | My girlfriend asked me how many I've slept with, she's the first, and I feel uneasy about telling her because I feel it might change how she perceives me. |
t3_27v36h | relationships | Me [20M] with my Girlfriend [19F] of 5 Years, Wants to open up our relationship and not sure how to proceed. | Hi Guys, i'm a 20 year old male with girlfriend of 5 years 19F. She is wanting to engage in an open relationship and explore her sexuality with some other people (potentially older / more experienced or with other girls) and also wanting me to do the same sort of thing while still keeping our relationship at the center.
I'm having a few issues with this idea from an emotional perspective. My mind is saying sure why not, but emotionally it doesn't sit right. Some of the issues i'm having are that I can't imagine the thought of another guy having sex with her, however slightly more okay with her with another girl. I feel a whole heap of emotions about it and i'm having a hard time figuring what these exactly are.
I a few of the emotional things that i've felt about it so far are:
- I've always viewed our relationship as quite special and something that only us should share but at the same time my mind is okay with the idea of opening it up for experimentation
- If we did do something, i'd rather it was something that we both did together, such as her experiment with a girl with me there also joining in. Not sure of why I might feel this way.
But apart from the few thoughts i've had above i'm having trouble working out what i'm feeling on this, it all just seems so confusing. Its making me feel anxious and confused and not sure what the next step should be. | Girlfriend wants to open up our relationship for us both to experiment (both me and her). Feeling confused and anxious. Not sure how to proceed. |
t3_ni2xa | AskReddit | Reddit, I found a large wad of cash at work today and if it's not claimed, the company wants to keep it. Is this right? | I work at a grocery store in Ontario that is owned by a large Canadian company that I won't disclose. Today while working, I found a wad of $20 bills that had over $800 in it after we counted. I immediately took it to the main office, as there was nobody around except other employees and I was the only one who saw it. All the employees were pretty surprised to see it and unsure what to do, so we made an announcement and if someone were to claim it, they would be questioned how much was in the wad. At the end of the day, nobody claimed it. Most of the employees know it was found and all assumed that if nobody took it, the money would be given to me. One of our managers however, spoke out at the end of the day and said that the company would keep the money if nobody claimed it. I'm not trying to be greedy or anything, but I can't help but feel that is wrong. If anybody else who worked there had picked up the cash, they would of kept it. I did the right thing by giving the person who lost it a chance to get it back, and if they don't get it, why should the company get it and not me? Is there anything I can do to make that so, should the money not be claimed? I am 15 by the way, if that changes anything, and my parents agree with me, and are willing to speak to the manager. | 15 year old found large wad of cash at work, nobody claimed it so far, and if it is not claimed company wants to keep the money, but I think I should receive the money. |
t3_4o095v | pettyrevenge | Middle aged lady cut me in line | After a concert today, I'm lined up to purchase merchandise, and the line is absolutely enormous. All of a sudden middle aged Stacy mom dragging a very embarrassed teen cuts in front of me and 150 other people. "Excuse me ma'am you cut in front of me and a lot of other people" she turns to me and says "mind your own business" I'm pissed but I'm also patient. The line progresses slowly for another 15 minutes until we get near the front then I call over a security guard and tell her she cut in front of the line, and a few others behind me verify this. She gets bounced towards the back of the line which is now like a 20 minute wait so she's gotta wait double the time. | lady cut in front of me and I waited till we got to the front to report her making her wait double what she would have if she got in line like a decent human being |
t3_2nj6mq | college | Just a naïve teenager anxious for advice. | I'm seeking advice. My current situation is this: I am a 13 year old in 8th grade halfway through my school year, then I go into high school. Already now, I'm thinking about colleges, and I shouldn't like to stay here in the US.. However, going out of state (hell, /literally/ out of state) according to my dad would be totally unacceptable, but according to my mom, it's completely fine. As for going /literally/ out of state, I'm not sure of my mom's opinion there. My mother is the one housing me, paying our bills, working as hard as she can every day to provide. With that said, we live paycheck to paycheck, and I worry that in the future going to a good school may be out of the picture. I have this dream of going to study in the United Kingdom (while simultaneously training for the Olympics), either at Cambridge or Oxford. As you all know, the tuition rates to get into basically any good college in the US are absolutely through the roof, and that leads me basically to my thought. Now I know, for a 13 year old, that's quite the imagination; yet I still dream. As of now, my grades in school aren't the best (hovering around 70-somethings), and I seek to start improving with my science class (school policy= must pass science, math, and language arts to move onto high school), and on top of all this anxiety, that is yet another question boring into my head. | I'm anxious that I won't be able to go where I prefer for school (Oxford or Cambridge, because it's insanely expensive in the US), and I don't know whether or not middle school grades affect college acceptance. |
t3_2xjwrv | relationships | Me [20F] with my bf [21M] of six mo., I made out with best friend [22gayM] while drunk, do I talk about it? | This is so stupid but I feel really conflicted about this situation and my roommate [20F] is as confused as I am about it.
I've been with my bf Paul for I'd months, and we have a wonderful and honest relationship that is currently long distance (~5 hrs). Paul and I have discussed that we are both non jealous people in the past, but we never really touched on what that means.
Last night I had one of my best friends Tom over. We haven't seen each other in a while and decided to celebrate by drinking a litre of vodka together. Tom is gay. Very gay. He has no interest in women and while he is a handsome man, I see him as my brother. We have made out in the past but only while very drunk, and it would never go past kissing. That was all while I was single. Last night, I was not single, and now I'm not sure if what I have done has crossed a boundary. I know I don't feel comfortable doing it again.
This is my first real relationship and I haven't ever had to think about this sort of thing before. Should I tell Paul? How should I bring it up, if I do? If I don't bring it up with him, do I talk to Tom?
My roommate has suggested that it's not a big deal because he's gay, but that I should bring it up in a casual way to Paul and not make it sound like such a big deal. But I'm so scared I've just done something inappropriate and that he's going to leave me over what I see as insignificant, that I'm not sure I can be all calm and cool about it. (I'm not a calm and cool person by nature anyways, I'm horrifically anxious) | Made out with my gay best friend while drunk, terrified I've ruined my relationship, don't know if I should talk to my boyfriend about it. |
t3_30xmxy | relationships | I [23 F] am the odd one out in a group and I need to prove myself. I have terrible social anxiety. | Hi, I hope this is the right place. I also hope you don't mind me being vague, I know some of the other members of this group use Reddit. I can clarify some things if you ask (or maybe through DM)
I have terrible social anxiety. When I was younger I used to go to a party with people I knew, get sick, and leave after an hour. I've gotten much better, but I am still paranoid that people dislike me, and my awkward way of expressing myself open re enforces that because people can TELL I am anxious.
I have worked very, very hard on this behavior over the years and I can find myself getting better, but it's still a struggle.
So recently I joined this group (would rather not say what) The group membership is a bit like rushing a frat or something; you need to prove your value to them. Your technical skill, your business skills, your social skills; they all come into play.
All of the other people trying to get in are either highly social, have connections within the group, or know each other and have a support system. They all know what they are doing or are already visible within the community. I am the odd person out. I have less experience, though I do have other skills that would make me valuable.
I started to realize that while I could be a valuable asset, it will be extremely difficult for me to prove myself, especially being as shy as I am. The group members aren't exactly looking for a heart to heart, so I can't come out and say "hey i'm shy, please baby me". | How can I prove my value and make social connections with the handicap of being heavily socially anxious? I am so stressed out about this and I just want these people to like me. |
t3_224ayl | self | Co-worker has asked me to help him "hack" his daughter's FB. | Help me, reddit! You're my only hope! (Not really but I fucking love Star Wars). I x-posted this here and in /r/relationship_advice for clarity.
A co-worker just messaged me on our internal messaging system:
>i need to hack a FB account of my daughter
I am a handy computer guy in our office but I did not see this question coming. Naturally, I am torn about providing methods to do this (the daughter is 17) and asked him outright:
>I guess first question is do you have a good reason? Not to be a stickler, but I have a huge thing for personal privacy. Also, have you simply asked her what was up?
He responded that he didn't have a specific reason, but that he had talked to her about online activities and apparently she did not seem very forthcoming. I want to tell him that it's not my place to even suggest to tell him how to parent his kids (as I have none and don't plan on it and wouldn't do that anyway) but it seems like a gross invasion of privacy if she didn't have a history that needed keeping tabs on. I feel like, from the excellent threads I have read in the past (which I cannot find now to reference), that this would be a gross invasion of his 17 year old daughters privacy. I want to tell him that if he finds something he doesn't like, and brings it up to her because he can't let it go, that she will be devastated and that her trust in him would be absolutely destroyed.
The way to win would probably be to tell him that I don't know of a way to do this (which, in reality is the truth, I only know that he could get access if she left her account logged in), but I feel like I am in too deep now, that I may have led him to believe that I could do this just by asking the questions I asked.
Reddit, is there any way out of this? | A co-worker asked how to get on his daughters FB profile because he is suspicious (of what, he does not know). What should I tell him? |
t3_2kwtye | relationships | My [27/m] girlfriend [19/f] needs serious mental help and I don't know what to do. | My girlfriend suffers from severe depression and anxiety disorder. Every day is an attack of some kind. She said it would get better once classes started and she got a job.
Instead, she's basically moved in with me, overtook all my shit and my space and is totally emotionally dependent on me. She had her second day at work and said everyone was being really nice, then called me freaking out about how paranoid she is that everyone is talking about her and hates her and she can't go back into the place and she doesn't want to have a breakdown like she did 9 months ago, and she just can't handle the stress and will probably have to quit, even though she's broke as fuck and needs the money desperately.
I'm at a loss. I can't handle this anymore. I knew there would be challenges due to the age difference, but this is something I was neither prepared nor equipped to deal with. I have depression as well, so it takes a greater amount of effort than necessary just to make sure I'm keeping my own shit together.
I'm very worried about her, and I'm worried that if I break up with her and like, call her mom and explain what happened and that she needs to come home, she'll freak out and kill herself. She really is a sweet, lovely and intelligent young woman, and I don't want to hurt her. The situation as is, however, is unsustainable, it's not what I wanted and it's taking a toll on both of us. | my girlfriend is having severe attacks of depression and anxiety that are straining our relationship and making me concerned about her wellbeing, what should I do? |
t3_241qxu | relationships | Thought my (m/23) ex (f/23) moved on. But she sent me our letters last night. | After 3 years we had some differences and ended things. She found a rebound very soon after and it broke my heart. I initiated no contact for a month and pretty much accepted that she was happy with someone else. Last night she messaged me out nowhere, and attached some letters we had sent each other. They were written during a time when we were madly in love and I was surprised she kept them. I was out, and didn't respond. So she blocked me. I don't know if that was her way in trying to work things out again or if she was just being emotionally manipulative. It saddens me that I have the thread lightly but I was hurt.. and I obviously still think about her all the time and think about what if we worked things out. Not sure what I should do. | ex broke no contact possibly trying to work things out. Not sure if I'm being played or if she really misses me. |
t3_14fh9b | AskReddit | Friend has two cats that are terrified of her new dog. How do I approach her about having too much to handle? | My friend has two cats, both are declawed. The cats do not like each other as it is, but my friend decided to get a large dog on top of that. She lives in a small apartment and is about to have her first child. The cats are terrified of the dog and since they are declawed, they cannot defend themselves from the dog when he gets too excited. The dog never hurts the cats, but they are pretty freaked out since he is so much bigger than them, of course. I'm worried for her and her pets because it seems unrealistic to try to take care of so many things at once. I'm not sure how she'll handle trying to take care of a newborn plus a household of cats that are terrified of the dog who always wants to play with them. She's still in college as well, so I'm worried she will have even less time to spend taking care of these pets. Am I overreacting? Would it be better for me to not say anything to her since she thinks she'll be able to handle it? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks! | Friend has two cats that are terrified of her new dog. She is about to have her first child. How do I tell her she's got too much to handle or do I even mention it to her? |
t3_u3sqj | AskReddit | What's the most "evil" thing that you did that surprisingly ended well? (potentially nsfw) | I was sitting on a bus and the seat beside me was empty..
A young nun walked down the aisle, looked at the empty seat beside me, and settled herself..
This nun has an angelic face and that's an understatement. Her boobs are also heavenly in proportion..
So the bus went on its way and since it's a provincial road, everything was bumpy..
I don't know how it happened but my left upper arm started touching her right breast. At first it was just a hit-and-miss but then it progressed to staying on top for an extended period of time..
I got a bit nervous that she might react or something but she really did not. She would just look straight ahead or sometimes would just close her eyes..
At this point, I'm not just placing my left upper arm over her ample right breast but I'm already pressing against it. Mind you, she didn't make a move to protest, turn sideways, or adjust her seating position..
It was really soft and the bumpy road made the contact more like me pushing and grinding her breast..
God, she really was beautiful and her hair would sometimes drop into my arm and it really felt wonderful..
I was the first to disembark and how i wish I could stay on until she'll be the first one to go. But my money is enough only for that stop..
So, I stood up and gathered my things. And in one of the most unexpected and pleasant moment of my life, I caught her eyes as I made my way into the aisle and she smiled- a long, genuine smile.. | I fapped in a public bus terminal restroom like there's no tomorrow and you'll have to read the story to know why.. |
t3_450sbo | personalfinance | Pay loans aggressively now or bank on loan forgiveness later? | Hey all,
So I'm about to graduate medical and started surveying the small fortune of debt I've accrued from undergrad and (mostly) medical school. It's an impressive $284,000.
I'm going into family medicine and anticipating making $50,000- $60,000 a year for the next four years. Based on those numbers it looks like my take home pay will be about $3,800 per month.
My dilemma: I hate debt and want to pay this off aggressively, naturally. But payments will start at 1,800 a month and progressively increase over 10 years in order to pay it off in ten years. That would be doable, but would require me to be very frugal and probably living without much cushion for emergencies.
Because I intend to work in rural areas, I am considering the loan forgiveness option. I know there is a program where the government will forgive remaining student debt if someone has worked in an area of need for 10 years and made monthly student loan payments. I also know of the NHSC loan forgiveness program if the recipient agrees to work in designated needy areas (but I believe this is somewhat competitive). I also have heard of many doctors getting signing bonuses and high salaries in rural areas allowing them to pay debt faster. All of these options make me want to make minimum payments on my debt. The downside being that none of those options are guarantees and I will end up paying something like $170,000 more on my loans if I don't make aggressive payments. | is it unwise to bank on one of the loan forgiveness programs described in the last paragraph? Make aggressive loan payments as a resident or live a little more comfortably? |
t3_2podal | relationship_advice | Intercultural relationship: My gf's (24/f) family do not like me (26/m) purely because of my cultural heritage/ethnicity | I am (26/m) British Indian going out with (24/f) British Iranian. We have been going out for more than a year now and things are going well except for one thing. Her parents are not happy with the relationship because essentially I am not white (or Iranian). She is from a liberal iranian family that drinks alcohol/eats non-halal food and isn't very religious, etc. My family is also quite liberal for British Asians and she has met my parents who she got along really well with. We are both students and in a few months time we are going to have to make a serious decision about applying for jobs in various locations. I'm worried that the relationship is getting very serious and I don't know what to do ( I have heard many horror stories about intercultural relationships breaking down). I don't know if her parents will ever accept me and is it worth pursuing this relationship or should I just end it before things get really upsetting and serious? | 26/m going out with 24/f. Her parents don't like me purely because of my ethnicity. Is there any future to this relationship? |
t3_12r1vi | relationship_advice | [21/m] and I think the girl I'm seeing [18/f] wants me to consider an open relationship | Hey all,
So I've been seeing this girl for almost two months now, and things have been going very well. Physically and emotionally I'm connecting and I really enjoy her company. Things have been moving in a more serious direction as of late, with me wanting to be in a committed relationship. When I've brought the subject up previously she's just kind of brushed it off and said she doesn't know me quite well enough yet, but we talked again last night and she told me that she was concerned that while she was attracted to me in the same way, she has a tendency to want to fuck a lot of people.
The way she explained it was that she's very much physically attracted to me and emotionally as well, but in past relationships she's had with guys, she'll find someone who she wants to have sex with and do so, then go back to being with her significant other. Not in an intimate way with the other guy, mind you, more of a once-and-done thing. It also isn't that her significant other isn't able to please her; it's that she likes experiencing sex with different partners.
I've never really been in a relationship where my partner and I weren't exclusively committed to each other. I think ideally that is what I want to have, but I'm not sure that that's just me regurgitating what is socially accepted, because the more I think about it, the more I realize I'd be okay with her sleeping with someone else, as long as it wasn't an intimate thing for her. I don't really have the desire to be with anyone else when I'm attracted to someone, but I think I could respect someone who feels differently and still maintain a relationship with them, as long as we had some pretty clear boundaries. I definitely trust this girl; she has absolutely no need to tell me all this stuff. I mean, she could just go sleep with someone now and not tell me, but as far as I'm aware (and as far as she's told me), she hasn't, so it sounds like she's just kind of warning me ahead of time that this may be a possibility if I continue to develop things with her. | Is there anyone with experience in open relationships who could maybe give me some advice here on how this would work if it did? Or is this just a lost cause? |
t3_r2mtl | AskReddit | Reddit, what kind of advice can you give me about fighting my school for the greater good of the students? | I am a 16 year old girl who attends a high school in a small town in Ohio. Recently, I have faced opposition from my principal to create a student organization to help combat bullying of students due to race, sexual orientation, gender, creed, size, or anything else that could make them "different." We would act as a support group to students who feel bullied as well as an activism group to help raise awareness. We would like to partner with GSA and Make Beats Not Beatdowns. We are still working on our concept.
Some students heard about what I'm doing and think that it is a "queer club". It even went so far as to start a verbal argument. Upon hearing this, I went to the principal's office to see what happened.
I ended up having to give a 2 hour presentation on a group that wasn't even formed. I was not prepared at all and without my advisor, I was nervous. I didn't present it well.
I did say the basis of the group and gave instances where I have seen bullying and heard awful hate language. I said I want to be the change I want to see in the world.
My principal (who had never heard the term "lgbt") then said, "You can't change the world." My guidance counselor said, "This will spread like cancer. You're creating a hornet's nest." They both agreed that "our conservative community couldn't handle this."
They are, however, giving me another chance to present.
What I need to know, Reddit, is what I need to do. My school ha a club for Christian students, so the problem isn't that clubs aren't allowed. I really need advice on how to present this kind of idea, who I can talk to about the opposition from my faculty, and even projects you know of for us to do. Anything you can offer, I am completely open to. If anything isn't clear, I'd love to explain more. | I am trying to start an anti-bullying club at my school. Faculty disapproves. Calls it cancer. I need advice. |
t3_4v892m | relationships | I [28F] cheated on my husband [27M] of 4 years; I confessed, he forgave me, but am I doomed to cheat forever? | A few months ago I did the standard, stupid, lame, cliche, "I got drunk and made out with a male friend" thing. I had no excuse, I have no one to blame but myself (although the dude was *supposed* to be my friend so I was a little pissed at him), and I told my husband about it at literally the first opportunity.
My husband forgave me immediately, and we have been working on our relationship pretty steadily since it happened. I am worried about myself though. See, I never felt guilty about kissing the other guy. I felt the responsibility of having broken my marriage vows, and I told my husband about it because I felt he deserved to know, but I didn't feel *bad* about what I did.
Shouldn't I be, like, crying myself to sleep at night and pulling my hair out in shame, or something? Shouldn't I be unable to eat or focus on tasks because of the all-consuming guilt? I don't know. I just feel, sort of, *nothing* about the situation. It was a thing that happened. It doesn't seem to affect me personally. It's like I compartmentalized it away.
What worries me, is that now that I know that I can cheat and not feel bad about it, what happens the next time a hot guy makes a move on me while I'm tipsy? Am I doomed to be a cheater forever? Should I leave my husband and just be alone or seek out a poly relationship? I don't know. I am worried about myself and just need to shout that into the void. | I cheated, and my husband forgave me, but I don't feel guilty. Am I doomed to be a cheater forever? |
t3_23dyng | relationships | [20M] Been with Girlfriend [20F] for 1 and a half years, get a strange text from her when she goes home... | So basically, my girlfriend went home a few days ago for the Easter break, as we live together at the moment in a house (6 people total) for university. We met early in the 1st year, in student halls and have been together ever since.
However, there are one or two things that have seemed odd now and again, but I normally just brush them off, until the other day.
The day she gets home, we text regularly right through to about 1 in the morning, when all of a sudden, I get a completely random text off her, talking about something completely different to our conversation, ending with "mhmmm exactly and how oddening it would be ;O >:) xx", I reply with, 'What are you talking about'? To which there is no reply.
I wake up the next morning to a text apologising, saying she "Wrote the text whilst she was half asleep", I find that hard to believe though, as she's never done it before, and the conversation was completely different to the one we were having, plus we never really send two x's, only one. Strange, but true.
That's not all, last summer, my SO and her Ex got talking again, which I was fine with, as long as she was open about it. I stumble on her FB one day when she was in the shower (already logged in) to find a message from her ex, and they were talking about meeting up, and alcohol was involved. To make it look like I wasn't snooping, I casually brought up her and her ex, with the chance of meeting up. She denied it and told me they were not going to meet up (red flag).
So here I am, with the suspicion that she's texting someone else super late at night and not telling me about it. I'm not sure to believe her story, or investigate more. She's normally pretty open about everything, but just the one or two things that happen when she goes home makes me think otherwise. What do you guys think? | Receive random text from girlfriend, clearly not addressed to me, putting the pieces together makes me suspect she's talking to someone else. |
t3_1ere29 | relationships | My boyfriend [M26] told me [F23] that I'm not the best sex he's had. How can I get over this? | About six months ago, I (very regrettably, in retrospect) asked my boyfriend of almost two years what his best sexual encounter was. This was after I had tried to boost his ego, and very honestly thought he would say me - I was in need of some confidence at the time.
He told me it was from a girl that he was seeing before me and went into detail - it lasted 8 hours, it was incredible and tantric, etc.
When I asked him, I should have been prepared for an honest answer. But I wasn't expecting that, and I certainly wasn't expecting to feel so inferior afterward. He has tried to backtrack, but I feel that this is just to appease me and extinguish further fights.
Any advice to get past this? I love him, but this has become a prominent issue for our sex life (on my end), and I absolutely hate this subordinated feeling. | Asked boyfriend what his best sexual encounter was, expecting to hear me, it was an ex. I've been having major difficulties moving past it/feeling adequate. |
t3_2h9z6e | legaladvice | Illinois misdemeanor class a | i was arrested and charged with a misdemeanor class a. The general police report, or booking report says "notacriminal1 struck victim in the chin with his head". I was at a bar, got drunk, ripped a poster off a class door, got kicked out, got threatened by what i remember being bouncers friend with a "44 magnum" got in his face, bouncer got inbetween us, I may have headbutted him in the face (i dont remember doing this), he had me in a choke hold, cops showed up, too drunk to explain myself.
I have my first appearance at the end of oct.
My questions are: when I go, will I be able to talk to someone about my options? Do i plead guilty? I really have no idea what i am doing and have heard I dont need a lawyer for my first appearance. | headbutted a bouncer; got arrested; charged; misdemeanor class a; what do i need to know, besides that i need a lawyer? |
t3_2ags01 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my friends [20M, 20 M] from high school of 5 years, are my roommates and they have gone completely mental from using way too much drugs last night/being irresponsible with it. Update on this, did I do the right thing? | This is an update to my [previous post]
So I told my parents and Tim (name different for privacy), one of the guys who did the drug, was furious. He said that his life is potentially screwed. I feel so guilty, this thing is such a mess and I feel like I've made it worse by telling my parents about it. Did I do the right thing? I really didn't want to lie to my parents having coming home that night so I just had to tell them the next morning. And now the other guy who did those drugs is texting me that he is really sorry about that night and asking me for a second chance. I feel so guilty right now. | Friends/roomates used drugs, I told my parents about it, they are mad and really really sorry, I feel like I fucked up. |
t3_dm3k9 | AskReddit | I Need Help, Reddit.... | I normally wouldn't ask this, but I'm not sure where to turn to. I'm a "starving" college student. I just got a job (huzzah!), I have a car (sort of), I'm doing a tad below par in school, but I'm dragging my grades up so I can transfer out of community college. Meanwhile, I'm living with my dad. This is where the shit begins.
In addition to other things, I am supposed to have 20,000 dollars (yay!) allotted from [my dad? mom? parents?] for "college/education-related spending. Cool. At the moment, my mother is overseeing this sum (I believe said sum is in stocks, which my cousin has been investing).
This is my 3rd semester at community college. My parents are divorced and hate each other, and up until recently, I've been living with my mother. My father has been paying her alimony, plus child support for (no longer for me; it ended when I turned 19) my younger sibling. The payments for college (tuition, textbooks, etc) and living expenses (food, drink, etc) have been coming out of my mother's pocket (she's been laid off, but has money from the sale of the house in which we used to live).
Now, my parents are professionals at making the other parent look like a greedy, controlling, hateful and spiteful ex. Fine, whatever. I'd like to leave. My long term goals are to save up enough money so that (along with the mystical 20k) I can find an apartment to live in until I transfer. I know I've probably left out some crucial detail, but my question is this; What can I do to resolve these outstanding issues between my parents (or at least alleviate them enough to get them talking peacefully) and what can I do to get this money and get the hell out of here? | Mom hates Dad, Dad hates Mom, I hate life and need access to the money that both parents agree is MINE so that I can get away from everything for a while. |
t3_34b4lf | relationships | I [23M] know a girl [23F] who won't go out with me but doesn't seem to want to be friends either. | Yeah, my title is a little confusing but I won't make this long. I've known this girl for a while now and we've chatted a bit a bunch of times and know a lot of the same people. I recently asked her out and added that if she wasn't up for it, it was okay, we could still be friends. I didn't get a response back at all.
I added the friends part because I was serious about it and I also didn't want to make it really hard for her if she had to say no to going out. But now all I'm thinking is that she doesn't even want to be friends either? I don't see why else she wouldn't want to tell me otherwise. | I asked a girl out and told her we could still be friends if she wasn't interested but didn't get a response at all. |
t3_f8c7m | AskReddit | Can't remember the name of a movie; trailer was posted on Reddit a while back. Plz help! | I can usually shrug off little things that I can't remember hoping eventually it'll pop back up and jog my memory. But I can't for the life of me remember what the name of this movie was and it is driving me crazy. The trailer was posted on Reddit about a month, maybe 2 months ago. I remember it was a comedy. I believe it had 3 characters that were 20-something and an older guy maybe in his 40s or 50s. The 3 people (a girl and 2 guys I think) got in a car with the older guy. I think they smoked week at some point too. Unfortunately that's about all I remember, but I do remember it looked hilarious. I wish I could be more specific but I don't remember anything else. It's been bothering me for weeks so I thought I might be able to get an answer from some of you. Sorry in advance in any of the details are wrong...my memory isn't worth shit sometimes. | Can't remember name of a funny movie. 4 people (3 young, 1 old) smoking weed in a car. |
t3_g7s03 | relationship_advice | I'm only 15 and having trouble with a girl- can someone help me out | I know most people won't respond because I'm so young but I'm in tears right now over a girl. Me & her are best friends but pretty much have never hung out together. I know that she loves me and if were to ask her out she'd say yes but my problem is that I just have no idea what I'm going to do. I've never had a girlfriend before- never the less a girl in my house before. It just seems so taboo to my family to do that. My mom says it would be fine but I'm just really nervous about how they would act around her. We could retreat to the basement but there isn't much down there.
A couple of hours ago I found out she is going to my friends house on Friday to hang out... my friend really likes her and the past 2 girls he has dated have been heartbroken and damaged after he was done with them. | Girl loves me, not going out because I'm too nervous about what we would do/hanging out. Best friend (plays and breaks girls) asks her to come over... |
t3_3ek87w | legaladvice | (WV) Buying a house and I'm afraid the flood insurance may be too much. Help? | Okay guys. I'm in contracting to buy a house for 148k with an FHA loan. Making less than 20% down payment, so MIP is applied (I plan to refi when 20% equity is achieved). Inspection has happened; everything looks good. Appraisal has happened - appraised well pending a small (~$500) repair. At this point all that's left to do is insurance and the final underwriting before closing.
The problem, however, is the flood insurance. Before I made an offer on the house, I researched flood insurance rates. What I found was super cheap (~$400/yr), so I thought it would be no big deal. However, upon further research, I realized that what I was looking at we're preferred rates, and being in Zone AE, I don't qualify. In fact, my flood insurance would likely be closer to 3k/yr. I just can't justify (nor can I afford) paying $250/mo for flood insurance for a house that, realistically, is very unlikely to flood.
My question is, at this point in the game, is there anything I can do to back out? I have an insurance agent working on it, so hopefully I'll find out the actual premium early next week. Its very likely that if it does turn out to be that expensive, my lender won't approve the mortgage. If they do, however, is there any other way for me to get out? | in contracting on a house, thought my flood insurance would be cheap, turns out it won't. What can I do? |
t3_2wx0eh | relationships | My (20f) bf(24m) of 3 years will not stop asking me to grow out my very short hair. Starting to feel self conscious and doubt his attraction for me. | I have had short hair since I was 8 years old, and met my bf when I had a very short shaved haircut. The three years we have been together hasn't really had any opinion on my hair until this past year.
A year ago I was leaving the house to go get a haircut and he stopped me and said i should try growing it out "for a change" I've tried many times throughout my life to grow it out and have always gotten frustrated with the inbetween stages and not feeling or looking like myself. The one time i did manage to grow it out to shoulder length my kind of thin hair was all flippy and silly looking.
So when he asked me to grow it out the first time I said not this time, maybe next. And I've basically been saying that to him every two months when I go in for a cut.
He has started to practically beg me to grow it out even when I explain to him how weird it is to me and that i don't feel comfortable or like myself with longer hair. When I asked why he wanted me to grow out he just repeated that he wants me try something new.
Then he took it a little to far for me and bought me wigs to wear without consulting me first. I had no interest in whigs before but would have been open to trying some if he had talked to me first.
I am really starting to feel like he is not attracted to me with my current short hair... I have an ass and boobs and an hourglass figure and I've never been mistaken as a man or anything... And I get a compliment on my haircut at least once every time I go out. The worst I've heard is like overhearing little kids asking their moms "why does that lady have such short hair?" | bf keeps asking me to grow out my hair, I don't want too but he keeps pushing it, going so far as to buy me whigs. |
t3_4qt58v | relationships | I'm (22F) so jealous of my sister (24F) and it's driving me crazy. How do I fix this? | My sister is better than I am. I'm willing to admit it, and I've just kind of accepted it. She's prettier than I am, more ambitious than I am, kinder than I am, more generous than I am, and just all around a better person. I have been working on improving myself, and focusing on measuring my success based on me rather than her, but it's a slow process.
Now for the actual issue:
I'm trying online dating. I'm a lesbian and it's difficult to find women in my city. I found a girl's profile, and she is from my city. Great! She's also really cute. I decide to give it a shot and send her a message. Now, when sending messages, I never get my hopes up. If they message back, fine, but if they don't, it doesn't bother me.
However, this girl replies back that she knows my sister, and now the entire conversation is about my sister. (I do have a picture of my family on my profile.) I'm so frustrated I want to scream.
It feels like I can't do anything without my sister hanging over my head and causing me to look worse in comparison. She's a very social person and we can't do anything without someone recognizing her, so this isn't a new situation. I know this isn't my sister's fault - she's the sweetest person and doesn't try to make me jealous. But I need to figure out how to handle this.
Any advice? Any one else living in their siblings' shadow? | My sister is better than me, and everyone knows it. I'm jealous and can't escape her. What do I do? |
t3_15il58 | relationships | My [20] parents and I having a disagreement involving my younger sister [15] | I am a college student working part time right now but I do still live at home. I am not home horribly often however because of work, school, and actually seeing my friends. I am trying to save up a good stash of money right now so I just move out. However my parents [40s] have gotten very particular about me not spending time at home anymore. They also expect phone calls whenever I am not. Which yes I understand but sometimes with my age it feels really silly. Recently however they have wanted me home because of my little sister. They never want her alone. When they both work they always expect me to stay at home. If she were younger I would understand but she is 15 and a half years old. They left me home alone all the time when I was even younger. I get texts and phone calls when they leave that are my parents reminding me to cook and sit and make sure my sister eats. She and I both think it is kinda over the stop since she can just drive herself places soon but my parents think I have to be there. Am I wrong in thinking that both my sister and I are too old for this? | My parents want me as a 20 year old to constantly monitor my 15 and half year old sister who is fully mentally functional and self sufficent. I don't think I should have to. |
t3_2uftw1 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my GF [19 F] of 2.3 years. She slept in the bed with a guy friend | Hi /r/relationships I need some help. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years. She lives in a dorm at a Uni and I live off campus at the same Uni.
Anyways she has some guy friends that I don't like. One guy in particular, but I don't let it bother me too much. Anyway, he came up for the weekend to hangout with her and do some other stuff, and at the end of the night, they slept in the same bed together.
I feel uncomfortable about this. Is it something I should feel uncomfortable about? She is just friends with him, but I know if he got the chance, he would probably sleep with her. | Girlfriend slept in the same bed with a guy friend. I feel uncomfortable. Should I be feeling this? Am I being a pansy or what? |
t3_506zuu | relationships | My [24F] parents are helping me a lot financially, and I'm embarrassed about explaining it to my friends. | I graduated college 2 years ago and moved away from home a little over a year ago. Unfortunately I'm in a creative field that's super tough to break into. For the past year I worked at a job that paid well and let me support myself completely, but it wasn't related to my career. I recently took an entry level position in my field. It pays half of what I was making before, but I discussed it with my parents and we agreed that it was a great opportunity, and they offered to help with my rent this year while I get myself situated.
A few days ago my mom showed up for a surprise visit (a big deal-- I live 2000 miles away) and told me she was here to buy me a car. I've been driving a clunker that breaks down all the time, and since the new job has a longer commute she and my father apparently decided they wanted me to have something more reliable. After some polite protesting on my end we ended up going to a dealership and buying a brand new, modest car for $14000.
I'm very aware of how privileged I am, and I don't take it for granted. I really want to be financially independent, but I also know not to turn down help when you need it and others are willing/able to provide it.
My friends and have all commented on my new car and as of yet I haven't told them my parents bought it for me. I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm 24 and getting so much help from my family, but I also feel guilty that I'm sort of taking credit for my parents' hard work and generosity. I've told my friends about the massive pay cut and how tight money has been, so what's an appropriate response when friends ask how I'm able to afford a brand new car? | My parents bought me a new car and are helping me financially. How do I explain the new car to friends without sounding like a spoiled moocher? |
t3_4eb9cl | relationships | My [30F] weight is affecting me and my boyfriend's [28 M], 1 year, intimacy :( | I've been dating my guy for about a year and I love him dearly but I've been feeling him pull away lately when it comes to the bedroom. Talked to him about it, and sure enough as suspected, I've gained weight and he doesn't really want to have sex anymore.
Other than this, our relationship has been so good. I'm obviously hurt, but I certainly wouldn't want to punish him for his honesty. I have been getting my health and exercise on track so I'm aware that my weight has changed and am actively working on it, but due to what he's revealed I don't really want to have sex, or open myself up to having sex, again until we both feel better about my body. I don't want to get rejected again :(
How can I maintain some kind of intimacy with my boyfriend (without having sex) so that he doesn't feel punished for being honest and our relationship doesn't suffer from not having sex? | I gained weight, boyfriend isn't feeling it, don't want to have sex but don't want to stunt the relationship. What can I do? |
t3_1u7d3s | relationships | My bf [21m] of 2 years broke up with me [21f] 5 months ago and I still love him. | We were 19 when we started dating, and we spent 2 years of our college career together. We had a great relationship. Always laughing and rarely fighting, essentially it was two best friends who fell in love. 5 months ago he broke up with me and I felt everything just shatter; it was the first time I felt heartbreak. It was really hard for me because I was in love and so passionate about it. I didn't think I could love someone as much as I did (with every little piece of me).
It's still really hard because, this is our senior year of college, and we see each other every single day in school because we have the same friend group. My feelings for him are still really strong and it hurts seeing him. I try to focus on myself on not let my emotions get the best of me but I didn't handle the break-up well and, as pathetic it may make me seem, I haven't been able to be truly happy since.
We talk a lot more than exes do, but that's because we were best friends for a year before we started dating and we both agreed that we didn't wanna lose our friendship. Lately it's been tough. There has been things that he said that made me think maybe there was a chance for us, but idk. I blame myself for holding on to hope for us. I care about him a lot, he was a great boyfriend. So trustworthy, honest, hilarious, and just perfect all around. I guess my question is, what do I do reddit. I love him and I always will, but I don't know what to do :( I need advice because I always just keep it all in and don't talk to my friends about my feelings.. | I still love my ex bf (2yrs) after 5 months of being broken up, and I still see him all the time |
t3_1nqqde | relationships | How do I [22F] make living with my roommate and co-worker [22F] of two months bearable? | I have been living in a apartment for about 2-3 months with a girl at my workplace. Due to use both being accepted into the job straight out from university and knowing no-one else in the area, we decided it would be best if we simply moved in together.
At first things seemed fine, probably because we were too polite to really get to know each other properly, but there are some major differences between us that are driving me a little crazy (and the fact we work and live together doesn't make it any easier).
I'm a very social person, who enjoys conversation, but she is very monosyllabic. Unless the conversation is geared towards what she's is doing, or her opinion on something, all I ever get from her is either "yes", "no" or "mmhmm". Any attempts to take interaction any further than that meet with the same response.
On top of this she can be very caustic and chides me often in ways that seem a little harsher than simple banter. For example, when asking a co-worker about his home-life, she interrupted to tell me "I asked the same thing yesterday, don't you ever listen?" - she also always calls me out if I make the slightest mistake in her eyes. These constant little put downs are getting to me and I don't know how to react.
As an aside, when we have been out together (and she's been drinking) she becomes very chatty and proclaims that I'm the best housemate ever, which goes against how she acts around me completely.
She is really making my living and working environment stressful and unenjoyable but with the lease on our flat not running out until February I'm stuck with her for now.
Does anyone have any advice of how to deal with this situation? | Living with a co-worker who doesn't talk, puts me down absent-mindedly and is hard to deal with, how do I cope until the lease on our house runs out? |
t3_xu8m8 | relationships | Recovering from financial ruin, fell in love with someone who claims to be, "bad with money." I want to help him without sinking myself. | Me: 30/f.
Him: 31/m.
We've been together almost a year, after having been friends first. I love this man with all of my heart. Unfortunately, it is long distance and we can't be together as much as we would like.
For the past 5 years or so before I met him, I have taken many steps toward becoming financially responsible after having ruined my own credit by way of poor choices. I've worked very hard in changing the way I think about finance. It has been a personal struggle of mine for as long as I can remember. It has only recently become evident to me that my persistence is paying off, and I'd like to do whatever I can to keep myself on this path.
He has told me he is bad with money. This worries me in more ways than I care to think about; perhaps I'm overreacting, I'm not sure. I have brought up this issue with him, but he didn't seem to think it was a priority, or at least that I shouldn't be so worried about it. I know he is making changes to better his financial situation but at the same time, he tells me about some of his (recent) poor choices and discusses his regret. I'm happy that we are able to discuss this but it strikes anxiety into my subconscious.
I want to work through these issues with him without, a) making myself financially vulnerable and, b) hurting him or our relationship by over-thinking this potentially-devastating issue. Are there ways I can support him (non-financially) to help him to become more financially responsible, or is this a giant, wavering red flag? | I'm finally recovering from financial ruin, and I'm in love with a man who says he's bad with money. How do I stay afloat while non-financially supporting or offending him? |
t3_2liakk | relationships | Me [21/F] When do you tell people you have a fwb? | Hey guys just wanted to get your opinions on this situation. So, as the title suggests, I have a fwb. It's uncomplicated, we both agreed that things would stop once one of us went into a relationship. Recently a coworker has expressed interest in me. I was upfront in telling him I did not want to be in a relationship and he said it was fine, that he just wanted to see where things went. We've been spending a fair amount of time together, but haven't slept together, he's nice and I have fun but I'm still firm in not wanting to get into a relationship. Now, since this is my first fwb that I've been in, and haven't had to deal with 3rd parties before, my question is when or should I tell this coworker that I am in a fwb? Also, wanted to mention that there is no risk of std's or anything like that. | In a fwb, been spending time with a coworker I'm attracted to but don't want a relationship with. When/should I tell him that I have a fwb? |
t3_1g20ga | loseit | I'm old and injured - what do I need to know to make this work? | Greetings, glorious /r/loseit, you magnificent battlers, you!
I've made a start on my journey (starting: 275#; current: 262#; goal: 145#) by quitting soft drinks and analyzing where I'm going wrong. I've tried getting more movement, but I'm finding it difficult to make the decision to be in pain, which even the simplest thing (walking) entails.
Old but active injuries include blown ACL grafts in my right knee, blown ACL (untreated) in left knee, spinal deterioration in lower back with compressed disks, and a seriously eroded left ankle (i.e., I randomly fall over, sometimes).
I have access to a swimming pool from 6:15pm-7pm or 7:45-8:30pm, I have small handweights (dumbbell style, 2# & 4#), a yoga mat, a couple of good dvds (one is aerobics for the unfit, the other is yoga for plump folks), and one of those lozenge-shaped small balance inflatables for protecting the core during floor exercises. Technically, I also have access to a "fitness center" at my apartments, but I can never seem to get there when it's open. I always have time for at least 30min of walking per day. I love to dance and will sometimes choose move-busting for exercise.
Pain, though, is keeping me from doing most of this stuff. It's not something a couple of ibuprofen can make bearable. I think I just need to work through the pain. Is anyone else doing this safely? Using it as a guide instead of as a reason to stop?
Diet is a thing I'm working on, but I want to get movement going so it becomes a happy routine and I can start seeing more progress...and stop being in pain. | I need more movement and have options, but pain is governing my commitment - I need guidance on how to work within that limit! |
t3_2ybo27 | relationships | I (F/23) am trying to open myself up to friendships because I don't have many, but I don't know what to do because people are proving to be extremely unreliable. | I've had trouble making friends my entire life. I don't really know why; maybe it's my quirkiness, maybe it's because I'm kinda quiet... Either way, I attract/seek seemingly good people who end up being very unreliable.
I don't understand why I keep finding these kinds of people, and this sounds dramatic (and I'm sorry for that), but it's slowly breaking my heart. I've never had a solid female friendship. People always, and by always I mean 3/4 of the time, bail on me at the last minute. I don't even get the chance to be their friend. They do this for various reasons, anything from "my back hurts" to blatant "I'd rather do...."
I'm trying so hard to be open to new people, but after years of being rejected and "ditched," for lack of better expression, I'm emotionally exhausted and hurt. I mean, I'm 23 and I have zero close female friends in the area I live in.
I don't know what to do. I'm hurt. I'm tired. I just.... Goddamn. I just want one solid female friend. :( | After years of experiencing rejection and last-minute ditching, I'm starting to give up on making friends. I don't want to, but I don't know what to do. I'm kinda heart broken. |
t3_3acdfd | tifu | TIFU by getting my friend banned from twitch. | So unlike a lot of Fuck Ups, this one happened about 15 minutes ago.
Me and two other friends (One male, one female) Wanted to watch a movie. Looking around, we agreed upon Mean Girls. Two of us havent seen it yet, we have heard good things. Well we are all on skype and we weren't willing to drive to one another's home to watch it.
And we all wanted to watch it together. We tried screen sharing in skype. Too laggy, pretty shitty. Then i had the BRILLIANT idea, we should have one of us STREAM IT on TWITCH. My guy friend starts streaming, everything is good, audio is great. 15 minutes into the movie, he gets banned.
Not only is he unable to stream ever again, he is unable to even WATCH OTHER streams or even open up twitch ever. On his computer. | Tried to watch a movie, streamed it on twitch. Friend's IP address gets perma banned from twitch website. |
t3_vtk2d | AskReddit | Alright expert trackers of Reddit, I lost access to the name and phone number of a company that wanted to interview me because of my stupid phone. Any suggestions? | Here's the full story:
So I've been on the job hunt for approximately the last month, to little avail. The industries I'm trying to get hired in are downsizing, and I have little to no experience (I took paid jobs instead of unpaid internships during my college summers). This being the case, I was absolutely ecstatic when I got home two nights ago, turned on my phone (which had died a few hours earlier) and had a voice mail from a company looking to get me in for an interview. My phone volume was low, so I turned it up and tried to press the button to repeat the message. However, my phone is a bit old, and the touch sensors are a little off...so I accidentally deleted the message. This wouldn't be a problem except that my phone, like so many others I assume, does not record missed calls if it's turned off- only messages.
All I have is the area code (Sacramento, CA). Yesterday I tried contacting our phone provider and got access to the list of incoming calls on my phone number, and there was no trace of said area code. Maybe this won't be a company I'm interested in, but it's the first good lead I've had in a little while, and I'd really appreciate it if anyone has any suggestions! | Unemployed college grad seeks interview with unknown company, aging phone deletes my only source of information on this company, now I need help recovering it. Wat do? |
t3_2h5ttj | personalfinance | Help me protect my mother's inheritance from her ex-husband! | My parents divorced in 2011, but my father has continued to mess with my mother's finances and generally take advantage of her lack of financial knowledge. My father handled all their money stuff starting from when they immigrated to the United States until they separated. He knows all her personal info (social security number, birthday, past addresses, basically everything banks and credit cards use to verify it's you).
Using this info and taking advantage of the fact that she is just beginning to learn about PF he has, among other things, racked up huge costco bills, listed her the person responsible for payment on medical bills and added his cell phone line to her plan. Because she is terrible with this stuff (for example, she paid for the phone for over a year - she was so confused by the itemized parts of the bill that she just paid the total on the front page) she keeps getting screwed by banks and CCs when she does realize what is going on and tries to stop it. He has also accumulated a fair amount of debt on his own since the divorce, and collection companies keep coming after her since he has next to no income, and recently one was able to take money directly from her bank account. She got it sorted out, but had to spend hours at the bank and had to miss a day of work.
She is about to come into a medium size inheritance - approximately $100,000 before taxes. How can I help her insure that my father can't access it? Is there a way to stop the collection agencies from pursuing her? In general, any advice on how she can protect herself in general? | my father knows all my mother's personal info, is using that to rack up bills, and collection agencies are coming after her. How can she protect herself and the inheritance she is about to receive? |
t3_404w8n | relationships | Me (26f) with him (30m) moving too fast now things are finally moving. | I started seeing 30m as a friend a few months ago, I began to like him but assumed the feelings were one sided.
We both came out of violent relationships at the beginning of last year, so I am a little precious about making sure I never end up in that situation again.
I began to slow fade because it seemed pretty obvious he wasn't interested in taking things further, but then we slept together two months ago and since things have moved pretty fast.
We haven't discussed us by any means. It's just casual sex on the weekends and hanging out, drinking, sometimes I'll stay over during the week, maybe once a week for the past two months?
I don't want a serious relationship yet, I'd rather let things develop and go with it.
He is hinting at this being a long term and while I'm cool with that, I'd really like some space!
I'm a really busy person as I work two jobs and study, he is also quite busy... So I don't see the need to message each other all day every day. He often tells me he can't wait to see me again and I'm feeling a bit panicked.
While I'm pretty sure this is my commitment issue rearing it's ugly head, I'm feeling suffocated.
I'd be happy to just not speak to him for a day a week, that's how stressed out I'm becoming.
I really like him though, and don't want to hurt him.
How do I nicely say, I like us, but can you chill out on the contact a little bit and just let us go wherever we're going to go? | I have commitment issues and want to make sure the next one is the right one, he wants to pay attention to me all day every day. Need to nicely say he needs to chill out. |
t3_2f3bby | relationship_advice | [18/m] my ex-gf is [18/f] and she fucked me over | well the story goes like this: i've been in a relationship with the girl of my dreams for almost 3 years. the last months didn't go really well although we still loved each other alot. we decided to take a break and both have the freedom to do what we wanted, we both went on a vacation for more then a month. after we both came back we were together very often and often slept together. now theres this friend of mine that is really into my ex-girlfriend. he has told here before that he loves her and shit like that. well yesterday she went to a party which included him being there. now they all got drunk and i got called out of bed at 4 am by my ex-gf telling me she didnt feel well and asked if i could pick her up. so stupid me gets into my car drives 20 minutes to pick her up and we go to her home and sleep there. i noticed she kept crying and wouldn't stop, but she was so drunk she couldn't really tell what happened. well today she didn't remember all that happened. the one thing she could remember was that my friend, i'll call him mark from now on, told her again how he really loves her and kept asking if the relationship was really over. so i asked her what else happened but she couldn't remember. she just called me 30 minutes ago and told me that she asked him what happened and that they made out.
so after kissing a friend of mine which we told each other we wouldn't do she drunk calls me up at 4 am to pick her up and sleep at her place. i told her i didn't want her to contact me and i'd contact her if i'm ready for it.
now my question to you is, what the fuck should i do? (i'm fucking broken now and the good thing is a buddy of mine is coming over to drink a beer or something. | my ex-gf/gf kissed a friend of mine while we agreed not to do that (and he told her he loved her) |
t3_2jmsql | relationships | Me [30 M] with my fiancé [23 F] were together for one year, she cheated on me after my mother was murdered. | Firstly, sorry for the grammar, English is not my first language.
I truly loved my fiancé. I thought she is the only one.
I was helping her with everything. Her postgrad studies, spending several hours every day to explain to her some concepts. I have written the largest part of her dissertation. Whenever she was sick, I walked her into a hospital. I was happy to follow every whim of her.
Every week or two I wrote a poem and bought her beautiful flowers or jewelry. She seemed truly happy with me.
Six weeks ago my mother was violently murdered by group of criminals. They took her money and buried her body. I am currently going through a really dark depression. My fiancé was supporting me.
Three weeks ago, after finishing her studies, my fiancé has returned to home and after some time she traveled with her mother to another country for about a week. I was in different city, finishing my job. She has returned 3 days ago and I noticed that almost everything she told me about her travel was a lie. After really heated discussion she has admitted cheating on me with some guy from the same hotel, she met that night in a nightclub. She wasn't drunk by the way.
Now I am slowly going mad, because my heart still loves her, but my head saying that she is a monster doing this to me in such circumstances. | My fiancé had one night stand with a guy she met at nightclub while I was grieving for loss of my mother. I am going mad because I still love my fiancé. |
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