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t3_l18jq | AskReddit | How can I help my brother? | So, my brother is 2 years older than me (lets call him Joe), and we have another brother who is 4 years older than me(his name shall be Steve). Unfortunately, Joe is very shy, and always has been. I am a pretty out going person, almost exact opposite of Joe. Steve isn't shy, but is only out going when he is comfortable.
Steve and his first girlfriend in the past year, and I had to give him advice, because I've dated girls and knew more than he did, whatever. But, Joe is too shy to talk with the ladies. Its sad, but it is his choice. He likes to masturbate, which is fine, but I think I may have found a problem.
I like to scare the shit out of Joe, like hide behind his doors and make screaming things on the computer. I have found a lot of things on his computer. Sad things. He doesn't have a facebook for himself, but he has a fake one, that has his birthday and is one letter away from our last name, kinda obvious.
I'm concerned because, simply put, he masturbates to pictures of nearly everyone I am friends with. He downloads their pictures, and faps. He sets them as his screensaver. He even records himself fapping, I don't know what he does with it though.
I Want to help. I love the kid, but honestly, I'm scared. Its gross to see that my date is his friday night fap. I want to tell my parents, but what do I say? I can't confront him, because he likes to play the game where he acts like he doesn't know what your talking about.
I know his password for his computer, but not facebook. I've tried deleting his facebook when he forgets to log out, but facebook lets him re-open it.
So Reddit, how can I help my bro get some confidence, and stop fapping to my friends. How do I tell my parents, how do I talk with him about it. He's going to college and I fear that he might become extremely depressed... | My bro faps to my friends, and its gross. I got myself a hotty for a date, and thats his friday night fap material. What can I do? |
t3_1rlhkz | AskReddit | Redditoes, have you ever found yourself strongly disliking your significant other? | My boyfriend and I started dating in 2012; we were together for only a few months before we moved in with each other due to our parents' issues with us staying at home. A few months later, I ended up getting pregnant and now we have a beautiful daughter, who I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
My boyfriend and I are still together, engaged now. Our daughter is six months old. I am working at home and he is currently unemployed until after the holidays. Hopefully.
Anyway, my issue is this:
I find myself very easily agitated with everything he does. Sometimes, I feel like I even hate the guy. I know I love him; he's a great person. He treats me well, he isn't abusive, he is by loyal, funny, sweet, all those things. But he annoys the hell out of me. He's lazy, wants to sit on his computer ALL of the time, doesn't want to help with house chores, he makes this really annoying groan noise when I ask him to do something, even if it involves spending time with our child. It's like he has zero motivation to do anything. I'm the one who does the laundry, I clean up after him, I have to practically beg him to do something. I feel like I am literally doing everything around the house. Sometimes, I want to tell him to either man up or get the hell out. I'm just the kind of person who wants to try and fix our problems before I give up on our relationship.
Maybe it has something to do with him not working anymore and he is always around? Is our relationship falling apart? Am I just the cynical bitch who expects too much? Is he just a child who refuses to grow up? I've tried so hard to turn this situation around, including talking to him about it SEVERAL times, but none of it seems to help.
I know that Reddit will not solve my problems, but I'm just looking for friendly advice from you guys. | been with boyfriend for almost two years, have a 6 month old daughter, he's lazy and I am the provider. He annoys me and sometimes I feel like I hate his guts. Need advice, please. |
t3_167ngu | AskReddit | Reddit, what is something you've collected in life that might weird some people out? Additionally, have you ever crossed the line between collecting and hoarding? | My own personal experience is rock collecting. As a little kid, I was fascinated with rocks. I still am. I love looking at different kinds of stones and how pretty some of them are on the inside, or how they share different grains, textures, and colors. But it's not an obsession.
My father sort of put this interest in my head as a child, and so I started up a rock collection. I never realized how many rocks I had until about 6 months ago. My friend and I were cleaning out my room, going through all of my old junk, and throwing away what I no longer needed. Suddenly she pulled out a big bag of rocks and questioned me about it. Then as we kept cleaning, more bags of rocks kept popping up. And more bags of rocks, and even MORE bags of rocks.
Keep in mind I haven't collected any rocks for years and years, so it's not a hoarding problem, and I'd honestly forgotten all about my collection until that day happened. | Had a rock collection that got out of hand. Discovered years later. Doesn't still collect rocks, so it's not exactly a hoarding problem. |
t3_35pz6t | needadvice | I'm not sure if I'm being taken advantage of in my job. | Hi all,
I'm a 23 year old college graduate and in July of 2014 I began an internship in a very large global company which was due to last for 1 year.
While I still live with my parents and the salary is competitive for intern standards, it is by no means sufficient to move out or to fully support myself.
A month ago I had a conversation with Manager A (Who I do not currently report to) who suggested that I stay for an extra 6 months after my contract is due to terminate to cover where one of the team is on maternity leave and that he would just need to iron out a few details with HR if I agreed to it.
I asked if my current contract would be extended, or if I would get a new one.. Basically "will I be getting paid more?". While Manager A did not commit to anything, he said "We would like to see you paid a bit more". Fair enough.
Fast forward to today and I haven't heard any developments. I asked Manager A if he had heard anything from HR, to which he replies "Oh yeah.. Eh.. Yeah that's ok, We're going to be keeping you for 6 more months". I asked about the contract terms and he said that it's an extension of my internship and I won't be getting paid any more than what I'm currently earning.
I would like to emigrate after this 6 month extension and I have already projected that I will not have saved enough cash (whilst maintaining a car, a love life and a small bit of rent for my parents) to follow through with these plans.
Am I within my rights to ask to be paid more? I don't have any other jobs currently lined up and I'm afraid it'll become a "take it or leave it" scenario. If it gets to this point and I settle for the salary I'm currently on, I'm worried it could create bad feeling between my manager and I. | I'm an intern for the past 11 months. Contract extended for another 6 - pay rise hinted at 4 weeks ago but today confirmed I'll be staying on same salary. Should I push for a raise? |
t3_qtmv1 | AskReddit | How do I turn friends with benefits into a serious relationship? | So I've been friends with benefits with this girl for a while. We hang out a lot, and do it more than I would care to mention. Our interaction isn't exclusively limited to sex; we talk a lot our feelings and what's going on in our lives and such. Every weekend we go out on a date, and the dates are a blast. My parents like her, and we have become really close as friends. However, she has maintained that she wants this to be emotion free, since she is a second semester high school senior and I am a junior, and it will be messy when she has to go to college. She doesn't know yet where she's going but the most likely school is very close (less than 20 minute drive) to where I live. She has said that if she goes there she'll keep this going, but I don't want to come to expect that and have it not happen.
Anyway, like all the movies have suggested will occur, I have fallen for her. I think about her all the time (we also text message all the time) and by comparison doing anything else has become not that much fun. I'm probably in love with her, but she has said specifically "Don't fall in love with me," so I'm worried about what will happen if I tell her. I think the feeling is mutual, but I have no way to be sure. How do I find out without screwing up what I have going? | I'm friends with benefits with this girl, but I want us to get into a serious relationship. How should I do this? |
t3_35h6a0 | relationships | My [27F] friend [32F] is obsessed with my boss but I know he doesn't want more than friendship | My boss and my friend (who I have only known for 7 months) are friends through a long period of time. I have been working with my boss for almost 3 years but never had any personal contact with him. He just got a divorce 3 months ago after of marriage of 7 years. My friend has always had a crush on him, so when he got a divorce she was obsessed about hooking up with him. And they did. They had sex one time.
She is now telling me that she wants more and she knows that they are going to have sex again. She is constantly talking about him and sending me all the text messages that he is sending to her.
One day I asked my boss what he thought about it all and he told me that he loves her and he is really happy to see her this often, but he doesn't want more than a friendship and that their sex was a mistake! I told him that I thought he should tell her that.
That was a week ago and he still hasn't told her anything and keeps writing to her like normal. Which means that she keeps being obsessed with him....
I fell like it is not my job to tell her that he doesn't want more than a friendship but I also feel that I don't want to be in the middle of everything. | My friend is obsessed with my boss. They had sex and now she is even more obsessed with him, but he doesn't want more than friendship, since he just got divorced from a marriage of 7 years! |
t3_4lc1h4 | personalfinance | Looking to invest son's savings | First off wanna say this is only my 2nd post ever on Reddit and don't understand any unwritten Internet rules in reddit.
Okay a little back story: Only 23, my son is 3, just bought a house in December, had a fairly large down payment so I am able to save money each paycheck decently $200-$500 depending on how the weeks go or what bills appear. I'm good about budgeting, always have been since I've been 16. Since my son has been born I've been throwing $50/week In his savings account and shortly his savings account will be reaching $10,000. I'm planning on doing renovations to the house here and there and would like to invest at least $5,000 of his savings to get a return investment on his savings and hopefully also be able to help pay for doing some renovations to our house more regularly. My dad is a plumber/electrician/overall construction guy so that helps too. | i Want to invest $5,000, what are my best options to hopefully turn a profit and optimally double it and so on? |
t3_115p78 | dating_advice | 25M- never actually asked a girl out before today. botched it. Any tips? | I've had a few girlfriends but those just sort of...happened. I never did anything to seek them out, never had to ask them out. I'm not bad looking and I'm in pretty good shape but I'm just horrendous with new people.
I've been single for almost a year now and today I finally pushed myself to actually try. There was a really cute cashier at CVS and I went back in after I bought my stuff and gave her my number.
Problem is I got so caught up in just speaking to her and was so nervous...I forgot to say pretty much everything I should have.
I forgot to ask her name, forgot to say anything flattering or nice.
I pretty much was just like " Hey, can I give you my number?" and she was just sort of confused and said ok.
Then I said thanks.
And immediately left. | I'm no good at making that first move. Does anyone have tips beyond just 'keep trying' or practive or whatever? |
t3_557y4u | relationships | Me [28 M] with my new Boss [32 M] of 5 months, the team hates him, should I try to mend fences? | I'm and engineer and part of a group of about 10 that supports a project at our company. Previously we reported to a director who is somewhat bumbling and so they brought a manager in. He had a good reputation and SAID he was intent on getting morale in the team up.
Its 5 months in and we are all at much lower morale state than before. All but one of us are actively interviewing. The team we support likes him because he seems confident. But the team he manages hates him. He makes uninformed decisions, silo's the group to limit communication (which obviously does not work) and takes credit for other's work.
My question is, do i take the risk of it coming off as an attack, and level with him that the team is super unhappy. OR do i just leave it and let the team crumble.
The project we're working on is awesome and the team is awesome, it just sucks to see it fall apart. | New "Boss" is not a leader and the people who report to him hate him. Should i try to be honest to help fix things? |
t3_uxht5 | AskReddit | Eviction notice, no reason | Hi Reddit,
I wanted to explain a situation which I'm currently involved in and ask for advice.
I am a college student and live in California (Santa Cruz) and I moved into this apartment in the middle of May and signed a month-to-month **Rental Agreement** (1400/mo and 1400 S.D.). The lease does not include me as tenant, but instead is a parent with me staying on their behalf.
My landlord and I had encountered a few issues when I wanted to get a pet (and she had previously said she would be okay with it and she changed her mind). It was clear that she did not trust me with a pet because I am a student (yet she seems wary of me in general because of my age) so I alerted her that I had a backup housing situation if she would prefer. She said she didn't want me to leave so just last week my landlord and I signed an agreement amending the lease to allow me to keep a pet (for an additional 1000 to the S.D, and a 200 non-refundable fee).
Just yesterday my landlord alerted me that she had hired a housing management company to manage her property on her behalf because she lives out of town. I did not think anything of it at first, as it sounded fairly normal. When I got home today I saw an envelope taped to the door, and I assumed it was a welcoming by the new company.
I was wrong, of course, it was actually a **Notice to Vacate** letter from the company demanding me to vacate the premises within 30 days. There was no reason listed, I am certain I have not violated any terms of the lease, and I have not been late on a rent payment.
It feels like she hired the company entirely to avoid the hassle of confronting me for the purpose of getting me out of here. It seems really shady that we would sign an agreement with a nonrefundable fee only to evict me a few days later. I can't help shake the feeling of being discriminated against because of my age. | Landlord hired housing management to evict/bully me, recently charged nonrefundable fee to keep a pet, no lease violations, age discrimination? |
t3_2w2qns | tifu | TIFU by taking my dog for a walk | all right so I took my dog for an afternoon walk like I usually do after I get home from work, only this time as I cross the street just near my house I see a bird on the ground underneath a telegraph pole. Both wings have had all their feathers burned away leaving only the bare bones and there is an open wound on its side. The bird is laying on its back still very much alive but incapable of flying or moving. So Instead of helping this poor bird by calling a wildlife rescue company I proceed to take my dog on his usual walk so he will be tired later tonight and doesn't bark which annoys the neighbours.
45 minutes later I get back home and the bird is still there, still alive only this time it's completely covered in ants and the bird can't do anything about them. so I put my dog back in his yard and bring out a towel and a box to scoop him up in and take him to the vets, but by the time I get there the bird has passed away and I can see many ants crawling inside its mouth, eating its eyeballs and swarming inside a wound on its side.
It's now been several hours since the incident and I cant concentrate, all I can think about is how selfish I was to take my dog for a walk and leave that poor bird on the ground to spend its last hour of life in pain and to be eaten alive by ants. I can't believe how much this has gotten to me. | I was too selfish to help another injured creature and instead took my dog for a walk which meant this bird spent its last hour on earth in pain and being eaten alive by ants. |
t3_1q0jww | relationships | My (26f) partner (28m) have been fighting over little things and my partner wants to end our relationship over the fights. I need advice from people who are in successful relationships. | My partner (28m) and I (26f) have started out with a rocky start (been together for almost 6 months). He slept with someone else after taking me out on our first date. I was upset about it but I forgave him. This girl has become best friends with his sister in law and now every family event I have to see this person. I try to talk about my feelings to him but that seems to upset him and we don't talk about it any more. He wants me to drop the subject completely. I understand. Though, lately he messages me and says that he is feeling insecure and I validate him instantly. Though if I as the same in return he will start a fight with me and say how he shouldn't have to say anything. Then he will stop talking to me and I have to apologize to keep the peace. He is stubborn. Even when proven wrong he won't admit it. He can be childish. He is now saying that we fight too much and other people don't fight in relationships.
I am also friends with all of my ex boyfriends and recently one of them invited us to have dinner with him. My partner instantly said no because he can't bare being in the same room as someone I had sex with in the past...... I still have to see the chick he cheated on me with. That's out of his control but I tolerate it. Anyway, its caused bickering and he is holding a break up over my head because he says couples in the beginning don't fight. Period.
You get my point.
I need advice on what to do. I want things to work. I just don't know how. | My partner and I fight a lot over little things. He says this isn't normal and wants to end things because of it. He is incredibly stubborn and isn't flexible. I need advice on how to make things work. |
t3_2pirjy | Advice | career and grad school advice | Hello! I am currently a graduate student in Public Health at an online university. I have the opportunity to apply for a Clinical Research Coordinator position that is relating to diabetes. Diabetes is a subject I am passionate about, since I have had it for 23 years and am working on my master's so I can become a Certified Diabetes Educator. I'm asking for advice because this CRC position is full time, sometimes 60 hours a week. Money is not a contributor to this decision as my family is financially supporting me through school; I wish for the experience in working with diabetes research. However, it may cause me to go to grad school part time, meaning it may take 1 to 2 extra semesters before I can graduate and become a Certified Diabetes Educator. Should I apply and take the job, or just stick with being a full time grad student? I also have talked with someone who had the same position already (who is mentoring me while I work on my certification hours) and she was the one that mentioned the long work weeks, but encouraged me to apply and offered to be a reference.
Thanks everyone! | Want to apply for clinical research job, but not sure to go part-time to grad school or not apply for job and just be full time student. |
t3_j8rzt | AskReddit | How do I intervene a family feud between my gf and her father? Please advise, I will forever stalk your profile and upvote you. | So my gf has been having numerous issues living with her family. She graduated college last year and spent her first year out substitute teaching (she's an education major). She's about to start a year of Americorp which basically means she's living poor off food stamps etc. while doing a year of service. Her father has a long history of being a giant douche bag. Last year her grandfather gave her 5 grand as a gift and hasn't figured what to do with it yet. Her father has a gambling/hoarding/spending/alcoholism problem and has been known to take money from her siblings' bank accounts (which he had access to) and never return it. Her father wants her to put in a 5 year CD with his name as a cosigner (unsure of terminology, he would have access to it). She's been putting it off because of her father's history and today he confronted her about it today and since they always butt heads she let out that she doesn't want him to have access. He went balistic and said she has to pay him rent, car insurance (they aren't actually paying car insurance for her anyway), and said that I'm no longer invited to their house. I've always had an amicable relationship with the man, I've never had a confrontation but when he's been an asshole he usually says "sorry you're caught up in this" and he has seemed sincere. I have no idea what to do, whenever these things happen my gf adamantly refuses to let me get involved but I hate feeling so helpless. Any advice?? | My gf's father is a thieving gambling asshole who wants access to her $5,000 gift from her grandfather and her refusal has led to an outburst that has banished me from her family's house and other shit. |
t3_2wum4h | Advice | Receive a letter of exclusion from the university. Need some advice | Hello,
So I received an exclusion from the university that I am attending/ I talked to the people to have a review about my exclusion and they said to write them an email why they should take me back or some proof that I will not fail. Here is my situation lead to this.
So I failed all my course last year, half of it is because of my stupid, unattended at my study. Also, in the exams that I took, I answered my exam in pencil, which what you weren't suppose to do. All of my exam worth 50% and more so I failed.
The second half my year, I got a warning and I actually tried to study. However, I stayed in a shitty flat, half way through the semester, my flatmates got a job at night, which when they get back it would be 1-2 am. They would the play video games and make it quite loud until 4-5 am, this makes me unable to sleep very well (I'm a light sleeper), I tried to talk to them but they were assholes and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't move out of the flat because I was sharing a room with my bf, we couldn't find a flat that let couple in and there is a fine if we break the contract (500$ bonding and extra on top). My bf didn't want to move out either because it was close to his work
I don't want to change the major because at the moment, I don't know what I want to do and other faculty does not interest me at all. Also, even though I failed, I still have a basic understanding of my major (Computer Science).
Before university, I had a pretty decent grade and even got a scholarship from them but since then I slipped. | got an exclusion letter from the university, they want me to write a letter to tell them why they should take me back |
t3_4vvnxb | relationships | I [23m] have been cheated on by my wife [21] and she's convincing my it's my fault. Help. | My wife cheated on me. Flat out. 2 Fridays ago, she didn't come home after work . The next morning I was scared and looking all over her (imagining the worst) and ended up tracking her cell to a hotel. Where she was with someone else. I waited in the lobby for 3 hours until she came out. Once confronted she did the casual "this is your fault, you forced me to do this" routine. I believed it. Apologized. And it wasn't until I was halfway home I realized, wait what? But yeah. Fast forward 2 weeks she's still texting the person she cheated on me with. Snapchatting, pics, who knows. I can't be sure what they're saying. But everything is all my fault. How did "I let our relationship come to this" or how I "never treated her right the past month" etc etc. Usual things Chester's say, although I do give it some merit. Maybe I wasn't the best. But I would never step out of the marriage. So we're making it work. She says she has a lot of "thinking to do". All while she continues to message this other person. My question is, is the messaging between them still cheating? Do I have a right to be angry that she continues a relationship behind my back with the VERY SAME person she cheated on me with? I feel like it's and obvious answer, but when confronted she has a way with words to make me feel like the she's the victim. Please help Reddit. | My wife cheated on me, now is making me feel like it's my fault while still talking to the person she cheated with. |
t3_46vwls | relationships | Me [27 M] with my GF [20F] of 6 months, Ask GF if she still wants to be together, says she doesn't know what she wants, what does it mean? | Looking to hear what I possibly already know. She's been distant, flaking to hangout at times and taking longer to text than normal. We didn't have a Valentines due to a fight and I didn't talk to her until two days after. She tells me she was waiting for me to come after her, she thought if I really wanted her back I would have chased her. I downloaded tinder to see if she had reactivated her account and I saw her, confronted her and she said she had done it to see if I was on it. On Wednesday I try and make up Valentines days by asking her out to dinner. She says when? I told her Friday, she then says she will think about it that she's still mad at me. Wed, thur and up until Friday at 3pm we talk like everything is back to normal, she called me Friday morning just to talk. After 3pm on Friday I stop hearing from her and didn't get a text back until the next day at around 11pm. She said she had done something bad, decided to smoke weed and had slept all day(yeh right).
I go ahead and ask her what she wanted, we haven't hung out this month and we on and off talk. I also told her that I knew she was on tinder and if she wants to date other people that it's okay, I understand emotions can change with time but that I just wanted to know so I can move on if I'm not something she wants. She says she's not sure what she wants. I told her that I'll be picking her for dinner at 7 today (my idea was to ask and if she flaked again tell her it's not gonna work and end it). She said how about 6? So we have a date for 6 p.m. today. Everyone says I should flake on her and try and move on, that this date won't change anything.
Thanks if you read | gf has been distant. Haven't hung out this month even after multiple attempts, ask her if she wants to break up she keeps saying not sure what she wants, need advice |
t3_1uro0e | relationships | Me [17 F] with my recent ex-boyfriend [18M] 15 months, boyfriend says I'm not allowed to hang out with other men | Hey so I really need some advice.
While I was dating this guy, I pretty much exclusively hung out only with him. However he would get upset at even my chatting other guys on Facebook. Sometimes the conversations I was having on chat would only be 5 lines asking about homework but he would still be upset. Hanging out with guys one on one was out of the question. I never did it.
Fast forward a bit, and we start to fall apart for various reasons. I find out he lied to be roughly 5 times while I was dating him to hang out with his female friend one on one. Apparently this doesn't count though because she's DEFINITELY just a friend even though they used to like each other. I found this a little unfair since I was practically banned from everybody, even guys I wouldn't have dated in a million years and were totally in the friend zone.
Fast forward even more. We are officially broken up but we still talk here and there. During this kind of grey area moment, I go out with several friends. All my girl friends were busy so most I hung out with a lot of guys. I found most of them unpleasant and I won't be hanging out with them again, but nonetheless these people were only friends to me and nothing more. But...he's livid when he figures all of this out. He says I'm "unfaithful" and a "boy attention whore" and that I "need boys to pay attention to me in order to function" and ridiculous things like that. I was completely loyal, especially while I was dating him. I never EVER went out with any of my guy friends.
I guess my question is if this reaction is normal. Am I being unfaithful? Is it healthy for a relationship to never allow hanging out with a friend of the opposite sex? | Is it ok to hang out with an opposite gender friend while in a relationship? Ex-boyfriend said it wasn't allowed at all and I want to know if most people are like this. |
t3_3asy7s | relationships | Me [22/F]and my bf [24/M] have been dating for 3 years but my mom is still constantly trying to push me to date someone else. | I guess it would be best to start off with my background prior to getting into a relationship with my bf.
Throughout high school, I was part of a close knit group that happened to be composed of majority boys and a couple of girls. We always hung out and they would occasionally come over to my house to chill, therefore my mom knew most of them really well.
Out of high school, we stopped hanging out as often because some left for the military while others went away for college. We still saw each other from time to time but no where near as often as we did before.
Fast forward a year, I met my boyfriend and we started to date. My mom had never met him prior to this because we weren't friends for very long before getting together. Hence, I understand why my mother was kind of wary about it at first.
However, the longer we dated, the worse it got with my mom. She yells at me whenever I go out with him or do something with him, saying things such as "why do you have to do everything together like you're husband/wife." (Might I also add, that she doesn't do this when I go out with my group of friends) She's always telling me that I shouldn't be in a relationship and instead be single so that I can "play" more, "be free." She also tells me to explore my options... The other day was the worse when she explicitly told me that she would rather me date a specific guy friend of mine because he would take care of me better than my current bf.
I would also like to ensure you that my boyfriend has been nothing but respectful to her. He also treats me very well.
So I guess my question here is, do you think my mom is just being a mom and she would be like this to any guy I date, or does she actually hate him? | Been with my boyfriend for 3 years but mother is trying to push me to be single/search for other options. Is this actual dislike or is she just being a mom? |
t3_2sb1uc | relationships | I [22M] am worried about an ex [21F] in a new relationship | So I was with this girl on and off for the last couple of years and her behavior recently is really worrying me.
Bit of a backstory - her dad has cancer, she can't have children and she just broke up with her ex. So she's pretty messed up right now.
We had an argument at the beginning of November, I was drunk, admitted I still had feelings for her, she said that she doesn't understand why then started ignoring me for a bit.
Anyway, after, she started a relationship with her housemate (we're in university) at the end of November, and they went public with it a week ago. The thing that's worrying me is that a few days before they started, she said that she doesn't want to see anyone and she needs to sort her "mind out". And since then she's isolated herself in her house, ignoring all her friends, skipping lectures etc.
It's just that she's acting completely differently - two months ago she had a voice like a foghorn and loved being around people, the only time I've seen her in the last month was yesterday when they were sitting on a sofa together, but I don't know, she didn't really look that happy.
Before this all happened she was sent me these messages:
"What do you want to say (Name)? I overreact to stupid things, but completely avoid/hold in important things? Or that I am 'friends' with lots of people but actually none of them really know anything about me. That I spent 3 hours today in the lounge so that I wouldn't comfort eat or cry my eyes out for absolutely no reason. Or that I drove to town straight after with the intention of pigging out, but stopped myself because I really hate the thought of being fat. "
She recently went to the university counsellor about having an intermediary and talking to each other after exams, so I'm just confused as right now.
I am genuinely concerned about her. So...help? Do you just think it's a rebound or anxiety or? | Worried about someone, not sure if she's in a really bad rebound or suffering from anxiety or something. Input appreciated. |
t3_2jcf6c | relationships | I [21F] am having trouble getting over something my boyfriend [21M] of a year said to me. | A few days ago, my boyfriend of a year said that I'm "not overly pretty," and it's stuck with me ever since. I do know that I'm not exceptionally gorgeous, and although I have self-esteem issues, I do believe that I'm not ugly.
I've talked about this a lot with my boyfriend over the past few days, and I better understand the context of what he said, so it's really more of a personal issue at this point. We communicate really well and are very open with each other (he even knows the account that I'm posting with). He's a wonderful guy and I have nothing but love for him.
I'm looking for any advice that can help me stop dwelling on this. I've always been a sensitive person, and it's a constant challenge to be able to let anything go. | Boyfriend said something hurtful, we talked about it, I'm still not okay. How do I get over it? |
t3_3fpjt5 | relationship_advice | My girlfriend and I may be breaking up | Edit: sorry I haven't been on this subreddit before and didnt know how to post properly. I am m(22) and she is f(30)
So tonight my girlfriend mentioned to me that she just isn't feeling it anymore. We've been dating for almost 2 years now and living together for about a year and a half. It hit me like a tonne of bricks and I just shut down. She was on the way to the movies with her friend and I was admittedly a bit upset so she texted me saying she wasn't feeling it anymore. Apparently for the last few months she hasn't been happy and just has given up. I went to her to talk but she didn't have much to say besides that she was going out. Her friend picked her up and now in left waiting until she gets home to talk. I just don't where to turn, I don't normally ask the internet for advice but I don't know what to do.
I am thinking of how to try and recover from this but I don't know if we can. I think she will just give up and not be open to try anything to help, I was thinking since she missed the times when we first started dating that if i moved out and we kept dating then maybe it would bring it back to the old days per say. I don't know of I'm asking for advice on the right place but id love any asisstance. | My girlfriend sprung it on me that she isn't feeling the spark anymore and I don't know what to do. Serious sggestions greatly appreciated. |
t3_nk2a5 | AskReddit | I'm mostly confined to my home for the next few months with limited transportation. I'm sick of spending my days watching TV and playing video games. What's something productive/awesome I can do? | So last week I got into a car accident. My car is totaled and the insurance company didn't give me anything for it. Luckily my college semester was over, so I didn't miss any school. Another plus is that I live about 10 minutes from work (walking distance).
I don't have quite enough money in my savings account to go to school and buy a reliable car (and I'd rather stay away from loans). So I've decided to take the next semester off so I can simply work and save money for a more reliable car.
So for the past week I've been sitting around my house doing nothing productive. I spend my days playing Zelda and Skyrim, watching Dexter and Breaking Bad, and browsing Reddit (no offense). I also work about 20-30 hours a week either in the mornings or evenings.
I would like to do something productive while I have all this free time. Like maybe build something or learn something practical. I have friends I can call that would give me rides to places, and a few resources within walking distance:
-A Convenience Store
-A Drug Store (where I work)
-A Big 'Discount' Store
-A Dollar Store
So what are some of your suggestions? | I wreaked my car, have limited transportation, took next semester off, and I want to do something productive. Suggestions? |
t3_1dha66 | tifu | TIFU by leaving my car unlocked | I came home late Sunday night from volunteering at the Nikes Women's Half Marathon in DC. I ate some dinner and went to bed. It was raining all day on Monday so I spent the day home applying to jobs. I just recently finished up my last class over the weekend and I am graduating next month so my priorities are to find work.
Tuesday morning I get into my car to go get a hair cut and I noticed that my center armrest was wide open....and empty. I was a bit confused because I don't remember taking anything out of the car. I checked other areas of the car and everything was still there: Oakleys, EZ-Pass, all documents in my glove compartment, and football cleats. I open my trunk and my bag of gym clothes and my case of Monster drinks were gone. I went back inside my house to make sure I didn't randomly bring things inside and had forgotten about it. Nothing was in the house.
My conclusion is that I left my car unlocked (despite out of habit always pressing that lock button on my key FOB) and am extremely embarrassed with myself for forgetting to do this. I'm baffled that it only took one rainy day for my 160GB iPod (completely full), GPS, charging cables and mount to all get taken out of my car in my drive way. | My iPod, GPS, all associated charging cables and adapters, gym workout bag, and case of Monster drinks were stolen out of my car in a rich white people neighborhood. |
t3_53mhhs | relationships | Me [22 M] with my ex-boyfriend [32 M] 4M, broke up due to age gap, can't stop thinking about him, is it not salvageable? | We met a few months ago to hook up but there was an undeniable connection so we started going out and were crazy about each other. Right at the start we did acknowledge the age gap as a potential barrier, I had no problem with it but being the older one he was worried about how it looked to others (his friends etc, though he said he would introduce me eventually), we had no trouble being affectionate in public.
A couple weeks before the breakup, as we became more and more intimate during our dates/ nights spent together, he started pulling back in terms of texting. He said he wants to stop his feelings from growing because he doesn't want to be hurt. His longest relationship was with a younger guy and he broke his heart. He says he doesn't want to end up hurting me too. I tried to reassure him (not to my best ability because I'm not good with text), but insist we talk about it in person.
The final time we met, we didn't have much time so we didn't end up talking about it, but everything was still normal (good) between us and he said sweet things. Then the text stopped again, and so I texted him asking to meet up to finally talk and if things should end then at least I have closure. He texted back saying to leave things as they are, and I respected that and said okay. There was no hard feelings between us.
Now it's been a week and a half (no contact between us, I've been doing all the things I'm supposed to do to move on) and sometimes (rarely) I feel empowered and okay with it, but most of the time I'm carrying around this heavy feeling, have dreams about it and think about it when I wake up with a pounding heart. He was the most genuine and sweet person I have met... I wonder if he's hurting as well or moving on? Why would you want to force yourself to deny your feelings? | Broke up due to age gap, now I can't stop thinking about it. Is there anything to do when one of us is afraid to be in a relationship? |
t3_1dhnkg | relationships | My gf[18] and I[22] are about to be apart from each other for longer than we've been together. How do I stay positive? | I don't think i need to make this story too long. We've been dating for three months and now she's going to be gone for the entire summer as she travels around the world. We have been really open with each other (which has been awesome) and we both want to keep talking but don't want to stress the situation too much. I just need some words of encouragement that everything will be ok. Sometime I feel great about the situation; it will be some respite and I'll get a fresh view and see how much I really care about her. I don't want to be that obsessive boyfriend and I don't want to wallow in sadness, but thinking that she'll be gone for sixteen weeks is hard to cope with.
I don't want to just break up with her because we get along so well that seems too aggressive. I've accepted that I won't talk to her all some days (maybe even weeks because she'll be in remote areas) and at times it'll feel like we don't even know each other
The emotional rollercoaster sucks and I'd just like to hear any words of advice that you all have in dealing with this. Thanks! | my girlfriend is leaving for a long time and we've decided on a fairly open relationship. How do I cope with the sadness of not being with her and the anxiety that something will go wrong and this is the end? |
t3_sxxcx | AskReddit | What is the best, nicest, friendliest experience you have ever had with a serviceperson/cashier/attendant/etc? | So, a couple years back... I was at a Shell station buying some snack. Probably one of those cheap cheese danishes. Anyway, this Shell station has historically been occupied by a grumpy old India man with a mustache. Just not a warm person.
But this day was different. There was a thin, hairless black guy behind the counter. As I'm looking for my snack, I already hear him having a very cheerful conversation with another customer. Anyway... I have acquired my danish, and as I step up to the register, I notice a two dollar bills folded up on the floor. Being a nice person, I pick it up and ask if someone dropped it. There's another customer standing nearby, but nobody claims it. Before I say anything else, the cashier says "Hey man, it's yours now." He says this in the warmest, friendliest voice this side of Morgan Freeman.
Now, I'm not one to take money like that. Someone clearly lost this money. I offer to leave it on the counter in case someone runs back in. But this cashier insists I take it. I go ahead and grab my snack (already paid for when I picked up the $), and as I walk out I say something along the lines of "Eh, I'm too broke to argue."
He smiles the biggest smile and says "Hey man, ain't we all?"
That was a good day. I'm still astounded when I meet people like him who have the shittiest, most menial jobs that subject them to all sorts of assholes and the like, and they still have the sunniest disposition and attitude towards others and life in general. Much less one who turns down money, even small bits. They deserve applause. | Cashier in a gas station remains friendliest guy ever despite working in gas station, I make 2 dollars and am a happier person as a result. |
t3_1v3i1i | relationships | I (f, 22) feel like a horrible person for having a strong interest in someone who isn't my SO (m, 25). Please help. | I have never cheated, nor will I ever cheat. I just wanted to make that clear before I started...
Alright... Starting at the beginning. I'm unhappy. I've been unhappy for most of this past year that I've been in my relationship... But unhappiness doesn't mean you don't love the person... However, he is the first person to be emotionally abusive towards me, he is the first emotionally abusive person I encounter, period. I've tried ending things before but always fall back like an idiot because feelings.
Things have been especially heated these past few weeks. Fights have been alot more intense... Mainly because he's become more insecure than usual about other guys wanting to ask me out and the such because of my job.
Moving onto the issue... I've been having a hard time sticking to my relationship through to therapy and everything... Not only because it's just a bad situation, but also because I feel like I'm straying. Enter the co-worker.
He kind of caught me by surprise. He went from being entirely unnoticed to always just... being there... out of nowhere. I swear I don't even know where it began... But I'm almost sure he has a thing for me, that or he's really friendly... But he's making my body feel electrocuted just by walking into the damn room. He touches my face and gives me a kiss on the cheek to say hi, that shit makes me feel like I'm floating. I don't want to feel like this for someone who isn't my SO... It isn't right. I feel horrible... At the same time, I don't know how to confront this situation...
So please, guys, if you can refrain from ripping me a new one for how I feel and give me some advice on how to go about the situation, I would really appreciate it...
I feel like a really shitty girlfriend, and I'm not... I'm kind, I'm giving, I'm cuddly and supportive, I'm understanding and laid back... But I'm doing this... Help. | f,22 catching feelings for someone other than SO (m, 25) of a year. don't know what to do to help this situation. |
t3_2pkkke | loseit | [Day 1] Time to get back on track and live a fit life! | This is my Day 1 post.
Back in 2009 I an 18yr old who was 230lbs 5'10. In the course of a year I lost 60lbs and went down to 170lbs. I was fit, active, and was on track to lean down just like I was when I was a kid and a teenager. Started college and my studies took a toll on my fitness, then came relationships, and ultimately laziness.
I'm now 24 yrs old at 185lbs. Even though it's only 15lbs from my leanest weight as an adult, it actually makes a HUGE difference. I lack muscle and have that stubborn fat that makes me feel "jiggly."
Well, today is ENOUGH! And I will get back on track and start running again, start lifting again, and start eating much more healthier. I graduate in a couple months and I want to LOOK and FEEL my best since it will be the greatest day of my life - and start my young professional life.
I will be using this as my motivational post, to keep me on track and regain that eye of the tiger I once had. | I used to be overweight, lost 60lbs and got lean. Confidence/life skyrocketed. Started school, life happened and gained weight. Today marks the day I change it all around! |
t3_3cgp30 | jobs | Iffy About First Job.. Seeking Advice (Finance Industry) | I graduated in December with my B.A in Economics and a minor in Accounting. I was looking to get into a Financial Analyst position but after months of job searching I accepted a position as a Retirement Plan Administrator/Bookkeeper for a small Third Party Administrator. The pay is lowish (35k), they have good benefits, and they will pay for some professional certifications in my field (QPA, ERPA, etc..). I'm iffy about this career because there doesn't seem to be very many Retirement/Pension Administration jobs on the market; this tells me that career advancement/outside opportunities will be scarce and that's a huge letdown. I'm seeking advice from other professionals in the Finance industry because I don't know how my skills will translate in the job market. I may be interested in obtaining my masters degree one day if I feel like this is a dead-end job at my current company. | Am I stuck in a low paying career that won't offer much in terms of advancement/useful skills for other finance jobs? |
t3_3jpp7e | relationships | Me [24 M] with my Mormon girlfriend [23 F] of 2 months broke up because we loved each other. | Backstory: we work together, and have been working together a little bit over a year. She is mormon and I am not, mormons believe in getting married in a Mormon temple which you can only set foot in if you're Mormon. At the beginning of the relationship I told her I would never become Mormon and when we defined the relationship, I told her that there was no happy ending without one of us sacrificing what was most important to us(her faith/my lack of faith.)
This has been my first real girlfriend and I don't know how to handle this, and thought maybe someone on the internet that has gone through something similar might be able to help.
I've seen this girl every day for the last 2 months(except 4 days she was out of town) we quickly fell in love with each other, today we had to break up(it was mutual) because we both knew we couldn't get married and if we continued dating it would just hurt even more the longer we dated, it wasn't a bad breakup by any means, we both agreed and we cried together and I kissed her good bye and we were both devastated, we keep texting each other(which obviously I shouldn't be doing) but I was wondering if any of you guys have any suggestions on what to do. We still very much love each other, would getting back together and dealing with the whole "there's no happy ending" scenario later be a good idea, or did we do the right thing? | Mormon gf and I fell in love but couldn't pursue it any further due to her faith, so we broke up and we are now both devastated and am wondering if we should just deal with the consequences later. |
t3_24ijan | relationships | I [25M] am thinking about asking my [23F] girlfriend to marry me, need perspective on ring | My girlfriend and I have been dating for four years and living together for two. Our relationship has never been better and I feel like we're ready to take the next step (similar life goals/aspirations, financially secure, enjoy each others company, etc).
So recently I've begun looking at engagement rings. I'm not a particularly vain person and I have little interest in contributing to the idiocy that is the global artificial diamond monopoly (thanks de beers). Nonetheless, I've accepted the fact that I will have to purchase one such worthless piece of carbon because my darling future fiance has been brainwashed along with the rest of the women on this planet.
The question I'm struggling with is how much money is reasonable to spend on said rock. She has made it clear that she wants/expects a 2 carat stone, despite the utterly preposterous $15000-20000+? cost (she seems unable to debate this logically). Does anyone have advice on how much these things should cost? How big is 'big enough'? 1 carat, 1.5, 2? What is considered reasonable in the 21st century? Is she crazy? Am I crazy?
For reference, I make six figures but live in an expensive city, and save most of my money rather than spend it. | Girlfriend wants an expensive engagement ring that I can technically afford but feel would be a long-term financial catastrophe, need advice. |
t3_13phwm | relationships | Is there a nice way I(21M) can let my girlfriend(20F) know that I would like it if she lost some weight? | Not trying to be insensitive, but I would like some insight. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 2.5 years now. She is an attractive girl, but lately has started to become noticeably chubby. I love her very much, but I can see my physical attraction to her slipping. Now before you go off on me, calling me a pig, I do think that physical attraction is a big part of a relationship, but obviously I wouldn't break up with her over something like this. I'm not saying I'd like her to start skipping meals and killing herself to be thin or anything even remotely like that, but losing even 10 pounds would make her look and feel so much better about herself. But no matter how much I think about it, I can't figure out a way to talk about it without hurting her feelings. Any advice? | Girlfriend starting to noticeably put on weight. I'd like to adress it but don't want to hurt her feelings. |
t3_2flqrw | relationships | I [20/M] can't let go of the past. | I lost the first girl I ever loved (we'll call her Emma) due to stupid shit.
I keep thinking I'm over her, but I keep proving myself wrong out of nowhere.
My relationship with her ended three years ago, and some weird shit happened with her second boyfriend.
I've been happily dating my second girlfriend (Elle) for just under two years now, and lately have been telling myself that I love her... but I keep thinking about Emma.
Despite now attending different colleges, Emma and I keep in occasional contact. She's dating a guy who seems awesome for her, and she gave up tens of thousands of dollars in scholarships to stay in the same area as he.
A year ago, on Facebook, she told me
>"If you, for some reason, ever wanted me back, I'm almost positive I'd leave [Ben], or anyone else for you."
I know I shouldn't ask her, that even to think of it is wrong, but over the past two days I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.
Next month, a mutual friend is being married. I know she'll attend, and I assume she'll bring Ben.
The way I'm feeling about her and our previous relationship right now makes me think I should skip the wedding. I don't know what I might say or do if I were to sit through a wedding at their table or something. I wouldn't be total spaghetti about it, but I'm worried.
I've considered just asking her to tell me something along the lines of
>"I'm a different person than I was three years ago,
>you're a different person that you were three years ago,
>and what I said back then is no longer an option."
The above is what my brain is telling me, but I'm still hopeful and anxious about even the possibility of seeing her again. It makes me feel really guilty about my relationship with Elle too. Elle is my best friend, and I think I love her... but the past two days I've been consumed with this weird lovesick longing for the past. | I can't extinguish my torch. Should I go no-contact? Should I go as far as to avoid a wedding I know she'll attend? I'm confused and lovesick and guilty. |
t3_4wddx6 | relationships | Me [24F] with my roommate [24F] of 6 months, she refuses to move her toxic plants out of common living area and I'm worried for my pets. | My roommate and I moved in together 6 months ago and were close friends before that, we spend a lot of time together in the four years we've known each other and are always there to emotionally support one another. We have 6 more months on the lease together.
My biggest issue is with her plants. She has multiple plants in the family room and kitchen that are toxic to cats and dogs. I have a cat and a dog, and she has a dog as well, but does not seem worried about it. I've asked her to move the plants, either outside or to her own room, and she responded by telling me that my pets don't seem interested in her plants, so not to worry about it. I've showed her the links from ASPCA that state the plants are toxic if ingested, and told her I am worried that my pets will get curious, or accidentally eat some. She moved one plant to her room for a day, then told me there wasn't enough sunlight there, so it needs to stay in the kitchen.
I'm constantly worrying that my cat or dog will get curious and start nibbling on the plants and end up sick. Not only am I worried for their well-being, but I am trying to avoid a hefty vet bill. I could afford it if an emergency came up but I'm really hoping it doesn't resort to that.
I thought she would be understanding because she has a dog herself, and she is always giving me (really unwanted) tips on how to care for my pets. (I think I do a very good job of taking care of them and her tips are nothing I haven't thought of myself, she just takes on a houlier-than-thou attitude with her "advice").
I'm at the end of my rope here with these stupid plants. I really don't want to just toss them in the trash but I'm starting to feel like that's my only option. | Roommate has plants in the apartment toxic to pets. I've asked her to move them. She refuses. Not sure what to do next. |
t3_3kli98 | tifu | TIFU by trying to clean "my car" | So I currently commute to my University and in while doing so, I found the most perfect spot, the closest spot to my class in the most CROWDED lot, AND it's right next to my crush's car! my day right? :> I go throughout my day wondering why's it raining so hard and why must I walk through said rain. After class I walk back to my car, in doing so, I see a dude sprinting and looking suspicious and spooky kook'd a'f. Thinking he hit someone's car or scratched it (I have a paranoia about my car's safety) I rush to my car and in doing so I realize that there's a quite noticeable mark on it. In a desperate attempt to clear the smudge, I spit onto the car and give it a ole can of elbow grease. I hear a familiar voice clear her throat and say "Uhum. Uhhhh. What are you doing?", I turn around and look at the girl like a deer in front of some headlights only to see it was my crush. I turn as red my school's colors and attempted to unlock my car in order to escape, wondering why car wasn't unlocking, I see that my Sinon keychain from SAO 2 wasn't on my rearview mirror, I realized my FU. My car was the next one and I just spat all over my crush's car.
Now we're married with a beautiful daughter and son! Jk, I'm single and eating a pringle ;_; | Got best parking spot in the campus, came back, saw a mark on car, spit on it, realized it was my crush's car, now I crie everytim |
t3_3fxiuz | relationships | My [20 F] mother [53 F] is becoming too reliant on me financially. | My mother has been having a lot of financial issues and I understand as her child I should respect her but it is getting ridiculous. In the past month she has gotten four parking tickets and because she has no way of paying for them I am expected to pay for it as I cannot afford my own car or insurance so I am reliant on her car. Not only that, I am expected to pay for the tags. She is going back to college only she cannot get financial aid because she does not have her GED which she is also working on but expects me to pay for the pretests and things. It's becoming harder and harder because I am a college student and I have my own things I have to deal with financially and it is much cheaper to handle things with her but it is starting to be just me and it's becoming a burden!
I also have to cover her meals and any other necessaries and if I cannot then my brothers take care of the rest. She tries to get a job but because of her age and lack of schooling not many people are willing to hire her, but she doesn't really seem to be trying any more (other than the GED). I have tried talking to her about it but it always leads to a huge fight, I just need a way to tell her that she needs to get a job that pays something because at this point she is putting far too much stress on me and I just cannot live like this much longer. | My mother has no job and relies heavily on me for financial support, I need a way to talk to her about getting a job without causing a huge fight. |
t3_48nnvd | tifu | TIFU by accidentally hanging up on people for the last four years instead of transferring them | Well, it technically has been happening over a 4 year span of time, but today is when I REALIZED I fucked up.
So I work at an assault prevention shuttle and we help college students get from various parts of the town I live in by giving them a free ride in our shuttles in the hopes that it will prevent sexual assault or other forms of assault/street harassment. There is another service similar to ours on my campus that specializes in drunk driving prevention and their shifts start later than ours so often times our service (which is 1st come 1st serve) fills up first and then we are supposed to transfer the caller to the other shuttle.
I love my job and I feel really strongly about the mission that we are trying to serve, I was also the manager last year (ended up stepping down for personal reasons) but I have been with this service for longer than most employees and people look up to me or ask me questions if they are unsure of how to run things.
Here's where the big fuck up happened:
On our phones (which have up to 6 lines of callers at any given time) you are supposed to press hold, then transfer, then a code #### and then transfer again. Well, I have been missing this last crucial step and no one has ever bothered to tell me because everyone (myself included) assumed that since I've been there for 4 years that I don't need extra special supervision on how to use a phone.
Several times I have had people call back and say they got disconnected but I always thought it was because the other service (the drunk driving shuttle)'s lines were also full and therefore they couldn't accept any more callers. It's a big fuck up IMO because we are providing a safety/assault based service and so it's crucial that we answer calls promptly and try to schedule as many rides as possible or offer a safe solution if we are unable to get them but instead I've just been saying, "Hey sure let me transfer you over so we can get you some help!" *CLICK | I work at an assault prevention shuttle and have been accidentally hanging up on people instead of transferring them to another service for the last four years. |
t3_2fr4dc | relationships | Me [22m] and my girlfriend [21f] just broke up. One month later I'm ready to move on. Where do I start? | So my me and my girlfriend of 3 years broke up about a month ago. A few months before that she had cheated on me with a high school friend of hers but we tried to work it out. Long story short it didn't work and we broke up. We tried getting back together, having an open relationship, a bunch of other stuff I shouldn't have done. This all led to severe depression and I actually had to quit drinking due to some issues it was causing. Well a few weeks ago she cut it off saying she didn't love me anymore, which I guess that fear was what caused most the problems I was having. Since she told me she no longer loved me I came to peace with it and it ended my depression.
Weeks have passed and I'm ready to move on, but I have no idea where to start. I tried dating sites (her and I met) but haven't had any luck. I work a minimum 6 days a week so I'm pretty busy. Any advice? | Girlfriend of 3 years cheated and we broke up a little longer than a month ago and I want to move on. I work a lot and have no idea where to start. |
t3_23iizh | loseit | Started to lose the battle, but I made it through the tough times. | I was working nights for a while and was seeing my weight loss begin to stop. I then started to see myself slowly gain weight and I got angry. I fought to not gain to much. I put on close to 10 pounds despite my struggle. It is hard to maintain and lose when sleep doesn't happen and you are having to live off caffeine and planning meals are not an option. Then I realized these are all excuses. I then fought to get my shift changed. I started some sleep medication so I didn't have to fight for sleep anymore. I made time for the gym and made time for meal planning I made it back to where i was a few months ago and am hopefully on the right track now. I am more motivated than ever. Thanks you guys for always giving me something inspiring to read and some kind words when I needed them. | made a bunch of excuses for gaining some weight back, realized it was me not my circumstances. Changed me. Thanks! |
t3_3d651y | relationships | Relationship over. Lonely and trying to move on. Any ideas? | I split up with my girlfriend almost three months ago. The break up was hard and dragged on for two months in itself... lots of talk of maybe getting back together, maybe not... all came to a very messy sudden and final end when she met someone else she was attracted to. All that is irrelevant.
Although I loved this girl very much, she is right when she says that we had some compatibility issues (we have quite different interests) and I am coming to terms with us being apart. Tried being friends but that got pretty strained and tense when she started getting together with someone else. Anyway. I truly am coming to terms with the break up. I am devastated but hey... I tried to fix it... it didn't work. What can you do except move on or wallow in it? I miss her, but I accept that it is over and just want to stop feeling so low and lonely.
The problem is, I am freshly 34, and out of practice with dating. Almost all of my friends are settled in relationships or with children, and as such don't go out so much or have much time for socialising. My local pub is sadly my ex gf's regular haunt with her new man so I don't want to go there. As I said, most of my friends are very settled and don't go out. But... I'm trying to go out and meet new people, mostly for just social company, but I don't want to be single forever and would like to meet someone new. It is hard however to go out on your own without looking like a bit of a friendless loner and this doesn't strictly encourage interest or social interraction.
Does anyone have any good ideas for places I can go or activities I can take up that I won't look strange doing on my own and will allow me the chance to meet new people? What a long post for such a short question. Heh! | My relationship is over, my friends are settled with kids. How do I go out on my own without looking strange, and meet new people? |
t3_3u8e1h | relationships | My[18M] girlfriend[16F] doesn't have friends and it's becoming a huge burden on our relationship. | My girlfriend and me started dating almost two years ago and it has been a terrific relationship. We both had tight nit groups of friends and we would hangout with each other and our friends an equal amount. It is only a high school relationship so it's important to see friends pretty often.
The problem began slowly and steadily with her wanting to spend less and less time with her friends and more and more time with me. I didn't mind because I loved (and still do love) her. It hadn't really become an issue yet and I was still content with everything.
Fast forward to this summer and my girlfriend had a falling out with her friends. She only really had two close friends to begin with and they no longer wanted anything to do with her. No doubt some of this had to do with her ditching them for me occasionally (something I did not demand) and preferring my company.
The issue now is that all of her free time is either spent with me or alone. She has an insanely small family, just her and her mom, so she gets most of her attention from me. She reserves my free time weeks in advance and I never spend anytime with my friends. And when I do she is usually with us.
Free time no longer exists for me because if I'm not with her I feel compelled to hangout with my friends since i hardly ever see them. And when I do have a second to watch tv or play video games she requires me to be texting her constantly.
The whole thing is very overwhelming for me and made 100x worse by the fact that I'm leaving for college next year. I am constantly told how miserable she is going to be and how much she is going to miss me. She makes me feel guilty about going to college because she's going to have no one there for her. She even said she want's to visit me every weekend, which I thing is way too much. | Girlfriend doesn't have friends so I don't have time to do anything except hangout with her. She makes me worried about how she's going to be when I go to college. |
t3_2rodme | relationships | Me [21M] looking to get out there. Never dated before. Looking for wisdom. | Let me preface this by saying that I'm sorry if this isn't the appropriate subreddit. I haven't been able to find and other place to ask this. Anyway, here it goes.
I'm a 21M, living in the North West of England near Liverpool and I've never had any form of relationship before. I've always seemed to just 'fall', for lack of a better word, for girls in my friends group and ultimately resulted in me not doing anything to act upon it in fear of ruining said friendship.
I would say I'm a little introverted. It takes a little while for me to get comfortable with new people and so I've never had the confidence to go up to girls at bars or the coffee shop and just start talking.
Likewise, women have never come up to me before either. Whether that's to do with the idea that guys have to act first or if it is just me being generally plain or unattractive.
I'm now a fully fledged adult and it has gotten to the point of my mother asking "met any girls yet?" and me being embarrassed and just replying with a "not yet." And due to personal issues, I'm now having to live at home which is not terribly attractive.
Friends have also started suggesting to use Tinder. I've never seen the appeal as it is known for just hook ups. I just want something substantial, like most people.
It's now getting to the point where I am finding my solace/being just one, not one of a pair, to be comfortable and I don't like that. I believe lives are supposed to be shared with others, and I want to share what little of mine there is to share. | I'm basically here to just ask for advice on how to get out of this shell and just 'go for it'. I know this place must get lots of these, but I don't really know where else to turn. |
t3_1w2nsx | relationships | I'm [20F] majorly crushing on a professor [30M]... but I think my boyfriend [21M] of two years is all I actually want. | I've never had crushes like this before. My professor is literally everything I wanted in a SO before I met my current boyfriend, who kind of threw me through a loop. He's incredible smart, handsome, and we have a lot of conversations outside of class about common interests. I know he's attracted to me, and given different situations we would probably go out at least.
However, as mentioned before, I am dating someone and this guy is awesome and perfect... and totally within university rules to date.
And I know most of why I'm attracted to my professor is because he's forbidden, but it's a little more than that considering he fits my "list" and I've always been attracted to older men.
Basically, how do I get over someone I have a crush on, when I see them so often?
I know my boyfriend is the guy I want to end up with, that I'm truly intimate with, so why do I want someone to have fun and hook up with?
Ugh... it's just frustrating when I don't want to feel this way but I'm so attracted to him. | I'm attracted to my professor, but I don't want to be. Nothing has happened physically, some flirting outside of class. |
t3_1s2z7y | offmychest | Celebrity Deaths: I know I'm not the first to say this. | It seems like every day a new friend of mine is discovering that Paul Walker died, and texts me their surprise/grief. The day it happened, I got the text and my first thought was, "Who's Paul Walker? Is that a friend of yours?" but I decided to Google it instead.
I've gone to two funerals and wakes in the past month. My grandfather is being taken off of life support tomorrow, so I may have another funeral this weekend. These are people that I *knew* and loved. So, someone somewhere that you saw in a movie once or twice died suddenly... I can't help but feel that you saying, "I can't believe Paul Walker is dead! :(" is actually just, "I'm upset I won't see this actor in the next F&F movie!"
Or maybe it's that he *is* a star, and stars should be invincible. Stars die from drug overdoses or they fade away into obscurity, until everyone forgets about them. An obituary pops up one day and you say, "Oh, I thought they already died." But for one to get into a car accident just like normal people do every day? And when he's at the peak of his career? That's what's unbelievable.
People are literally dying *constantly* all over the world. Yeah it's sad, but just because you know his name or you may recognize his face doesn't mean he deserves any more grief than the malnourished children who die in literally every country. Maybe that sounds a bit like I am too much on my high horse, but my point is that I am not texting someone every time I read a news article about murders, epidemics, or any other deaths. | When my grandfather is on his death bed, and after dealing with the deaths of two family friends, there is no satisfying response I can send about a celebrity death. |
t3_11y33z | relationships | Emotional rollercoaster making me throw up self-esteem, even sex is an issue, how do I deal with this. (m30-f28) | My SO (30m) and I (28f) have been together for about 2 years, the problem is that he gets angy at every single thing (I even think he might have a personality disorder). And he has gotten me to a point were I have to take care of everything I say so we won't get mad at me, and were I even feel sick phisically every time he's does.
For instance he got mad at me because we were talking about trying something new at sex, and I praised how much trust we had on each other, and told him how happy I was that it'll even get better with time. So he went all crazy telling me that he didn't knew what else to do to have my trust since he fully trusted me, so maybe he was doing something wrong.
I tried to explain that I did trust him very much, and what I said was never meant to make him think I didn't.
So he gets even angrier, and just stops talking to me, next thing I know he sends me an email "If you ever bring up the topic about this sexual thing we were gonna try, we're done".
This happens every single time he gets mad at me for some stupid issue he comes up with, he's angry and decides to send it to the vault of the unspeakable. And if I try to work it out later, it gets even worse.
To add something up, when he's mad at me he behaves normally as if nothing happened with the rest ot the world (even more charming than usual), but if something bothers him in his everyday life, he discharges everything on me.
I know the common response is "dump his sorry ass" ... but I'd really like something more insightful, and to find a way to deal with this or at least know what the hell is going on, maybe someone out there is just as exposive and could explain to me what's going through his mind? | Extremlly explosive SO, we can't talk about anything if he feels judged, and just gives me the silent treatment and bury the issue. |
t3_18o2kk | relationships | I was ditched in favor of drinking at a club Saturday night and I still feel sad about it; what do I do with such 'friends'? | Ages: Me: 20, F
Boyfriend: 27, M
Couple 1: 21, F 23 M
Couple 2: 26 F, 27 M
Relationship with everyone: a year and a half.
My boyfriend and I were going to go with this other couple to a restaurant and something else afterwards (either movie or drinking was the plan) and my boyfriend and I said we wanted to do the movie after since I am only 20 now, everyone else is 21 or older. Anyway, so the first couple invited another couple because they did not want them to be "feeling left out".
So we all (6 people) went to a nice restaurant and had a nice meal. Though afterwards the third couple, who should not have even really been invited, wanted for everyone to go drinking. And all of the places near us you had to be 21 or older. So then the third couple and the original couple went to this bar in the end and left me and my boyfriend out. I am still mad and sad over this.
The couples are more of my boyfriend's friends than mine. I am sad because we were supposed to do things all together and they just ditched us basically. I mean I said it was ok to do...since they were dead set to do their plan regardless I could tell. My boyfriend does not care for clubs or bars too much, so he does not mind. Though having people ditch me (since I am the underage one)...feels bad man.
So what can I or should I do? Should I do anything? Who is in the right or wrong here? I just want to hear some advice, stories, opinions, experiences, etc. | I (and boyfriend) was left out by two other couples when they went to a club without us; I am underage. We all agreed to spend the night together however, and I am mad and sad about it. |
t3_mcrw8 | relationships | Long Distance relationship on the fritz, need help Reddit! | So here is the back story I'm a 21 year old man from Milwaukee, currently going to school in Chicago. My girlfriend of 4 years is going to school in Milwaukee, since it was the best choice for her financially. Since year two of our relationship we have been doing the long distance thing, and rather well I might add, but here is where the problem comes in. Over the last year I have been feeling more and more independent and more distant from the relationship, I find myself checking out other women, and considering offer I get from work (I work as a bartender). I'm very close to my girlfriends family, and she is very close to mine, so us breaking up would be very rough on everyone. On top of that, she is my first and only girlfriend so I'm having issue there too. | I'm in a 4 year old long distance relationship with my girlfriend from high school and I can no longer tell if I'm in love with her. |
t3_3v9uc8 | relationships | BF (25m) of 1 year is moving in and starting a demanding job. I (24f) need advice from experienced couples | Hey, r/relationships! I'm a frequent reader of this sub and have noticed there are some solid advice on relationships so I came here to seek some also.
So, my BF and I have been together for a year, most of it was long distance but we got to see each other every 2-3 weeks so it wasn't as bad. We've probably spent 5 months all together "living" together while visiting each other over the last year (we were pretty lucky both with college obligations and our financial situation), so we know we can function together. We are crazy about each other and have been trying to figure out a way to be closer to each other, and then a week ago, he recieved great news - he landed a job in my city!
Not only is the job here, but it's also a great career opportunity for him and exactly what he wanted and had studied for! We are extatic:) However, this is a very demanding job, he is required to work a minimum of 50hrs per week (mon-fri), often even more, he has gotten great responsibility and the workplace is very professional. But, that's what he has dreamed of and I'm very happy for him and how has everything turned out :)
So on to the reason why I'm seeking advice. He's moving in with me in 3 weeks and starts his job at the beginning of January. We're preparing for everything and making millions of cute plans for our weekends and any free time we could spend together. Everything seems to be ideal and dreamy:) But we've never lived with SOs before and he's never worked so many hours so I'm a bit scared that things won't be as ideal as we think they will and want to prepare myself beforehand. Basically what I'm asking is what are some things that should definitely be discussed right now about our life together and how could I make it easier for him when the stress of the new job kicks in? | BF is moving in, starting an awesome but stressful and demanding job, any advice on how to make it easier for both of us? |
t3_xai56 | relationships | A Passionless Relationship | 19 F here, dating 22 M. We met online 9 or so months ago, and it took a few months of almost constant communication before we actually met in real life and started dating each other, long distance.
It didn't take me long before I realized there was some sort of emotional block between us, stopping us from really discussing real life issues, or talking about ourselves and our problems. I have chronic depression, which caused me to drop out of school and has turned me to staying inside my house and on the computer all the time. I haven't really left the house in a few months, aside from building up the courage to go visit him for a weekend every now and then.
He's completely aware of my situation, but doesn't really say much about it, so I don't either. I'd say our long-distance relationship is somewhat of a weird friendship, more than anything else. We don't talk about our feelings.
The past few times I've broken down (anxiety attack) in front of him, he becomes exasperated with me, sighs constantly, keeps nudging at me, and gets angry when I can't hold it together.
It took me awhile to realize that I might be holding onto him for the sole purpose that in this really dark patch, he makes me feel normal. Simply waking up and knowing that I have a boyfriend lightens the guilt I have about not leaving the house, losing my diploma, losing all connections with the outside world, and wanting to die.
I feel horrible for this. I feel like the only thing keeping this together is the severe hope that I will change, he will be closer to me emotionally, I will be happy, I will not be completely alone.
I feel attached, but I'm scared. Please, anyone, I would appreciate any advice at all. If you took the time to read this, thank you so much. | Met online, instant sparks, 7 or so months later realize we're really not close in any emotional way at all. |
t3_ely4x | AskReddit | Thanks to some vandals, the only gaming shop in my town might have to close. Seeking advice. | Let me preface this by saying that this is not a plea for money or a request for monetary help. I am seeking advice only.
I'm in a college town in western KY, and we've got a single, small gaming store near campus that caters to the D&D, M:tG, and board game crowd. The owner is a friend of mine (I actually met him through a MUD that we both played), and he has been able to make ends meet since he opened the store last year, but only barely. He's open late and provides a place for us broke-ass slacker gamers to come and tabletop/play card games/whatever until ten or later six nights a week. He is friendly, genial, and is the sole employee.
A couple of weeks ago, some vandals (or maybe a single vandal, who knows) threw a brick through the window and door of his shop. His shop is in a little outlet shopping area; the entire outside wall of his shop was made of glass. Since nothing was actually stolen, just the glass broken, the police and his insurance company have both told him that there is nothing that they can do.
Replacing this glass is going to put him out of business. We might be broke-ass slacker gamers, but we don't want to lose our little nerd home. How do you go about fundraising for something like that in winter? We're a little too old for bakesales, and carwashes are kind of out of the picture in December. We are willing to band together and do what it takes! We're just not sure what that *what it takes* is, yet.
Ideas? Suggestions? How the hell do we, as the local gaming (but mostly broke, college-aged) community, help this guy out? | Gaming store needs new window after vandalization. Nerds want to help. Too cold and too old for car washes. Ideas for local fundraisers? |
t3_ffya3 | AskReddit | /r/Advice on becoming a self-employed computer repairman? | Hi guys, I love repairing computers and have been the Help Desk technician at a couple of manufacturing companies for almost 5 years. The last place I worked for had a massive layoff, and I was one of the many that took the axe.
I had people bringing me their PCs to fix for little or no fee (mostly friends and family, you know how that works). Word of mouth began to spread and I have a positive feeling about becoming self employed, and expect decent results if I work hard at self-promotion.
There's a ton of smart guys in this community, so I imagine a few of you have been in my position, or may even be where I want to be. I'm getting married soon, so whether this works or not I am going to make the best of what I got and hopefully make my girl proud.
I live in a small town surrounded by other small towns, so no malls or chain stores for miles... but where there's a town, there's high school students, and I haven't met many students who don't own a computer. There's also teachers, and small businesses, and they all got computers waiting for me to work on them. | small town guy wants advice on how to become self employed: what you wish you learned off the bat, pricing, customer service, taxes... anything. Thanks in advance guys! |
t3_1v8lfs | relationships | Me [31F] BF [31M] Classic work vs relationship | Ok so heres some background info - we've been together for about a year and moved in together about 4 mos into the relationship. He's amazing- everything I have ever wanted and treats me better than any previous boyfriend. We met at work, where I was a contractor, and I have been on unemployment since my contract ended a few months ago. I've been looking for work here and I have one promising lead but it would again be contracting for a few months but only a couple days a week and barely any more than my unemployment benefits. Having the unemployment money helps but to be honest, it doesn't cover all my expenses and my life here.
Basically, I feel that if I move back east I will have a much easier time finding real full time work, and scared that if I stay here I will continue to chip away at my savings. At the same time I love my boyfriend, our feelings were pretty much mutual and simultaneous and I hate the idea of being apart. | I can't find work where I live with my boyfriend and am torn between moving to find a job and staying to be with him. |
t3_1jm6l9 | dating_advice | [19M] passive when it comes to dating/relationship | Hihi, I'm a 19 year old male who haven't dated and only had one "serious" relationship in my life(no sex). Ended because she thought I was cheating on her. I kind of did? I was paying more attention on other girls which was stupid, I was just a kid and we'd been together for ~3 years, 12-15. So it ended and I was devastated.
But it wasn't until recently a relative pointed out that I don't let people in, and yes I'm pretty shallow when it comes to people. Except for five really close friends.
So I've been talking, texting, hanging out with this girl[18](mostly at partys) and she is very passive, at least when she's sober. A little summarized story, we're at a concert, both drunk, she's dragging me around, hugging people and so on. But she obviously wants me to hang out with her, concert ends and we end up at her place, we're waiting for her friends, teasing each other, talking about everything. I was rather laid back, keeping my cool, because I've never been alone with a girl at her place, so it goes on, I'm pretty sure she wanted me to make a move, but I didn't. Her friends come home and we go to bed.
The thing is, I like talking and being with her, because I trust her, but I don't have the balls to ask her out/hang out more often. So I start thinking ahead of myself, imaging being a boyfriend etc and I end up not making a move. I think being rejected would probably ruin our friendship, but I can't drop the feeling that she wants me to ask her out. Being vulnerable and having somebody seeing my flaws frightens me.
So what do you think? What should I do? Am I a lost cause or is there wise persons out there who can shed some advice/guidance in to me? | I don't let people in, there's a girl who I *think* wants me to ask her out, but I don't have the balls, and I think ahead of myself, afraid of being vulnerable. |
t3_21hgsm | weddingplanning | Found our Venue! (And didn't have the reaction I thought I would) | After much encouraging from all your lovely ladies we didn't give up and we found a venue that we LOVE! We took my mom and she loved it too so we knew it was it. We were able to get our date (Super Pi Day, 3.14.15... and I already changed my flair!) and we put down a deposit. When we got back in the car I was giddy and freaking out and giggling.
What I didn't expect was when my FH and I got alone- I burst out crying!! I was so emotional!
Having a venue took so much stress off. Worst case... no flowers, no food, no booze, no decorations or uplighting or or any other wedding-ish stuff... I now have a place that I can have my closest friends and family drive to, sit and they can witness us get married. Isn't that what this is all about? Getting married to the love of your life? I guess I just wasn't excepting that much of an emotional reaction. Did anyone else experience this?? | We booked our wedding venue and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I got way more emotional than I expected! |
t3_3h5wxj | relationships | I (f23) with this new guy (m21) i met online. How do you tell if he's interested in something more? | I met jack(m21) on a dating site. We hit it off really well and we met up for coffee the night we started talking. We had sex. It was great. Afterwards we just laid in bed talking and cuddling. The next day he was texting me to say good morning. We text everyday. He seems genuinely interested in me.
We have met up another 2 times, watched a movie, slept together, and spent ages together after cuddling and talking. There is a very strong physical attraction. He is also very on the same level with humor, and we can be taking the piss out of each other for hours.
I am not trying to push for anything at this point. Im thoroughly enjoying myself as it is. I do so potential there though. Im more wondering how can i get a feel for what he's interested in for us... if its just a few good lays or fwb or if he actually sees the smae lil spark that i have noticed. | met a guy online. Had lots of good sex. See some potential but dont know how to gauge him on what he wants |
t3_352h56 | relationships | My girlfriend (18) doesn't feel the same way she did about me (M19). | She says that she doesn't feel the same way she used to and that I have become just another daily part of her life like brushing her teeth. I've been at college but I went out of my way to see her as much as possible. She began telling me she was busy studying for tests and she was spending less and less time with me. We are still together for now but I don't know what to do. I love her and she tells me she still loves me and is willing to try to still make this work but I can't say that I honestly believe her. I know we are young and that people change but we seemed to have everything figured out. I don't have any desire to party or to sleep around or do drugs and neither does she, so college shouldn't be the issue.
We wanted to be with each other for over a year before we began dating and then we began the relationship telling each other that we are the happiest we have ever been thanks to each other. We even began talking about our future fairly early in the relationship. I don't know how such strong emotions can just change when nothing else in the relationship did. | Girlfriend says I'm just a bland part of her life and that she might be leaving me. Can I salvage the relationship? |
t3_48g3bv | relationships | Three weeks into a relationship and boyfriend [27M] pressuring me [21F] into saying I love you | So I [21F] started a new relationship with this guy [27M] that I met and started dating over three weeks ago. We have been out on about 5 dates, and text daily. On our first date we had a really good time and ended up at his place. During sex he said I love you. I brushed it off as him enjoying himself. In subsequent dates he said things like 'we are meant to be together' and how much I mean to him, and was all he had (he doesn't have many friends). I like a compliment, but it made me a bit uncomfortable.
However last night we were hanging out, and during sex he again told me he loved me. And asked me multiple times to yell out that I love him. I sort of dodged it, because I didn't want to say something I didn't mean, and didn't want to be pressured into saying. Later he then asked me to promise to not break his heart. I didn't want to promise this either.
I don't know how to respond to this. Should I talk to him? What do I say? (it will hurt him for me to say I don't love him), or break up with him?
Although I haven't had a serious relationship before, I think it would take me a while for me to develop feelings, as I'm quite independent and emotionally closed off. I like the guy, I enjoy spending time with him, and hes really sweet. He opens the car door for me, is a gentleman and wants to treat me/buy me things etc. | Boyfriend asks me to tell him I love him, and to promise not to break his heart. What should I do? |
t3_hxkdq | AskReddit | Question about an interesting ban I got today. | I was derping around on the internet and decided to go to 4chan, bad decision. I found a thread that said if you type some weird text as you name on the post something funny would happen. Me being the internet savvy person I am, check all the comments and found around 30 or 40 comments, all read "testing" or some other random text. So with the first spurt of stupidity that entered my brain, I typed this odd text as my name and posted. Immediately after I was IP banned. -_- This by itself was not a problem, seeing as I do not regularly visit 4chan, what disturbed me was the reason it gave for me being banned. It first claimed that I was banned for "ban evading" then when I switched up my IP and then it gave a much more horrifying excuse. 4chan then stated that I was banned for an illegal and terrible form of pornography. I have NEVER had anything to do anything like that. I find this accusation sickening. My question is, what the hell just happened? | Went on 4chan and got insta-banned for entering a name. Don't know what the hell happened. |
t3_1xcahd | relationship_advice | Me [18m] and a super long distance [18f] girl i met online, what do I do? | So I recently met this girl online when browsing omegle, it first started out as just a quick jerk off/roleplay session but we exchanged kiks and kept talking….and talking and talking and talking. We traded skypes as well and now for the last week we've been talking and sexting each other nearly non stop, she's a beautiful amazing person, the problem is, distance. I know there is probably a lot of long distance questions on this sub but this one is ridiculously long distance. I live on the East coast of the U.S (NY/PA) and she lives in the Philippines, now she does happen to have family in New Jersey and for all I know she might even be coming to Jersey at some point. This girl is amazing and I really want to meet her in real life, which is very possible, what I'm worried about is what happens after, she goes back to Philippines. Is this just a dumb teenage love story? Should I expect to move on at some point? I don't know if I could do that long a distance, its nice talking to her, she finds me incredibly attractive (which makes me feel amazing considering I've never had a girlfriend nor sex) I don't know what to do | US me and Philippines girl have been talking and have feelings for each other, she might come to the US and we might meet up, but then what? |
t3_4vzgqg | relationships | Me [22 M] with my partner [22 F] 14 months, struggling with trust and abandonment issues, but don't want it to affect the relationship | So, I used a throwaway for this as my partner & I both reddit, know each others accounts etc. To give some background I was brought up by my mother from the age of 2, not seeing my dad for four years, then him gradually reappearing in my life, however being emotionally abusive on several occasions both towards me and my mother. Typically I would be ditched if he had a new girlfriend who he hadn't told had a kid or whatever so I became fairly used to this.
Anyway, over the past year or so I've met an incredible person, and I'm really in love with her, previously I used to get scared of being hurt before a relationship really kicked off, and in my prior relationship I got cheated on, with my way of finding out being a positive STD test. Grim right?
Anyway, as I've said I've found an incredible person and been able to open up to her about things I've never been able to before. However, I find myself wanting to be incredibly jealous and insecure, I would never, ever demonstrate these characteristics because it's not fair to punish her for my insecurities. I constantly have bad dreams of her just leaving, or her going away with someone else, and just get trapped in these negative thoughts, particularly about people from her past, such as X, who's good looking, always tried to sleep with her, did fool around, but didn't succeed in going the whole way and they're still close friends now, for some reason I'm incredibly insecure about his presence. Again, as I say I'd never portrait this negative, selfish thoughts to her as she's her own person and I don't want to limit her.
Basically, I need a way of calming these fearful insecure thoughts, I know I trust my partner completely but I constantly live with this fear and it's just so tiring. | Abandonment issues throughout life, been cheated on, in a great relationship but can't seem to calm the constant anxiety fears that something will go wrong. What can I do to help myself/the relationship? |
t3_26k22t | relationships | [21 M] Feeling lost and confused... | Okay, so I'll start off saying that I'm not sure if this is the place to post this, but it seems to make the most sense.
These past few weeks I feel like my judgement has been very clouded. For some background, I'm dating a girl [21] and we've been together for just about 6 months. For the first few months things were fine, but as of late we've been arguing more often and it's starting to get to me. Just a week ago we had a fight that I thought might end the relationship.
She's completely in love with me but can be very emotional, to the point of borderline violence. And very dramatic, threatening to leave my place if she doesn't get what she wants (usually sex). She's always very remorseful when this happens and says she wont do it again and tells me how bad she feels for acting that way.
For a while, I would just pass it off as a non-issue, that she would just get past it and it wouldn't happen anymore. Her last boyfriend was terrible and degrading and it's clearly had an effect on her.
I do love her, but the fighting has taken a toll on me. I feel like I'm losing the desire to continue the relationship. But I feel like breaking up would destroy her emotionally, especially because she's said like she felt like she'd "give up" if we didn't work out.
Couple this with the fact that I've been feeling increasingly attracted to one of my coworkers, I feel like my judgement on the situation has become clouded or distorted. The girl I work with has a boyfriend, but flirts with me all the time at work, which isn't helping.
So here I stand. I feel so lost. I don't want to hurt her by leaving her, and I don't even know if I want to end the relationship. It's not because of the other girl, but seeing her all the time at work certainly isn't helping my decision making.
Help. Please. | Questioning my current relationship, and unsure of my feelings. Being attracted to a flirtatious coworker is clouding my judgement. |
t3_2b921m | Advice | Highschool trobules | H I am 17yo, in September to start my third (final) year in Senior Highschool and take final exam in mid 2015 to determine which university I will attend to, if at all.
I finished junior highschool with good grades, with the average of over 5.6 (where 6 is A and 1 is F) and B's only in unimportant subjects. Despite having annoying health problems (suffering to this day) I aced the final exams and scored in top 1% in every subject. I applied to the best class available in my city, choosing other schools rather randomly. The timing of internal tests to this class was rather inconvenient (severe allergies), and I got rejected, losing 1 point from 600 pool to the next person that was accepted. I tried to reapply days after rejection. I was told I was second person to be reconsidered in case of open space. In meantime I got into supposedly second best school available. It turned out the school I now go to is a nightmare. In my class and profile (I am told that other profiles are taken care of much better) there are periods when I won't be taught a subject for months due to school's incapacity to present substitutes or just to manage lessons at all. There are many distractions if we get to learn at all, and we are tremendously behind in our main subject, basically rendering me and everyone else incapable of recalling any material past junior. In-school environment (building, peers and so on) is terrible and definitely not good for anyone, plus there is an enormous religious and school's pride pressure. I've tried to reapply year later to the class, scored in top 15 at internal tests, was rejected again. Now my grades are terrible, I am extremely stressed every day, even during holidays, and there is a huge pression from my family to perform at top level again. I am sure that with my current knowledge I am not to perform well at finals. I think that with my grades low now, I've lost my carte blanche when it comes to picking another school I might want to be in. I am lost and mad at myself for screwing my choices and later not finding enough strength to fix them soon enough, rendering me in this poor spot. | finished junior highscool with top scores, got rejected, stuck in school that doesn't prepare me to final exams at all, lost my motivation, have less that 10 months to prepare myself. |
t3_53gl2v | relationships | Am I [29M] being a jerk about a lack of sex with my new girlfriend[28F]? | I'm really confused about my feelings so it'll be nice to get some outside perspective.
I started dating a girl I met online just over 3 months ago. She was very upfront with me that she wasn't interested in rushing into anything sexually, and that she was a virgin because she hadn't met anyone she was interested in sleeping with. In fact she had very little sexual experience whatsoever, never making it past first base with anyone.
I was fine with this and told her I had no problem waiting for a (unspecified) time, but that I did believe a good sex life is important in a relationship and I wouldn't be interested in pursuing a relationship if we weren't eventually moving towards there being a sexual component, which she told me she understood and was fine with.
Fast forward three months, and things are still going really well. We've discussed sex a lot and I know she's nervous because she's very small and thinks it's going to hurt - she doesn't seem to get much pleasure from FIV sex and still has her hymen. We don't seem to be moving any closer to sex, and she makes no other efforts to satisfy me sexually in other ways, even though I'm often doing so for her, which she seems to really appreciate.
So I guess my question is, are we just sexually incompatible? I really like her and I don't mind waiting to have sex, but her lack of desire to take care of me is somewhat offputting; I think reciprocation in a relationship is really important. She says she agrees with that but then makes no effort to reciprocate. | new girlfriend is not satisfying me sexually and I'm not sure if I'm being a jerk and just need to be more patient or if we're just not compatible. |
t3_h3zjv | relationships | Having trouble with labels. | I'm a 30-year-old male, she's 29. Help me work this out, Reddit.
We've been seeing each other for about three months now, and things have been fantastic. I was completely smitten within the first few minutes of the first date; she's amazing, and I can definitely see long-term potential in this. Problem is, she won't call me her boyfriend, and ignores/evades questions about whether she's actually my girlfriend.
We're in an exclusive relationship with each other -- explicitly not seeing other people -- and have been for a couple months already. We've met a lot of each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, have toothbrushes at each other's places, etc. -- typical relationship stuff.
Last night we got into an argument about the 'girlfriend' label -- I mentioned it casually and she made a joke and changed the subject, but I brought it up again, and was weirdly defensively rebuffed. There was some "I didn't think it was important to you," "I'm not NOT ready for that," "you seem to want me to put it on a t-shirt," and so forth. She said that she thought it was 'implied,' but as with my apparent communication problems, 'implied' is no way to build a solid relationship. (edited for clarity)
Finally I just said, "you understand that I want you to be my girlfriend, right?" She said, "Yes." And that she was sorry for not doing things on my "timeline". But never, even after me explicitly stating that it was important to me, did she agree that she was my girlfriend. Just kinda turned it around by saying that the label was too important to me and we were exclusive anyway and I can't judge this relationship by other relationships.
I'm starting to feel like she's in this with one foot in the door. I want to be in a committed relationship, not just an exclusive one. I understand that she has issues from being jerked around in prior relationships, but I'm starting to feel jerked around myself. Am I nuts? How do I go about talking about this with her? I don't want to drive her away, but her reluctance is making me wary. | Three months with a girl, exclusive relationship, will not call herself my girlfriend, and she seems to think that should be enough for me. |
t3_2atawh | relationships | Do personal problems push them away for good? | My ex (22M) broke up with me (23F) in June (almost three weeks ago). Before that he was acting really distant, probably to deal with his family issues, but he didn't change anything else in our relationship to make me really scared of him leavng me. His parents separated because his mom fell in love with someone else and had been keeping it from the family for almost a year. Then all of a sudden he told me he couldn't see a future with me and lost his feelings for me.
Could this stem from his family problems? And if so, wouldn't this be a decision people would regret because they let unrelated problems affect us? Or am I just fooling myself and he really could just be making an unclouded decision?
I miss him a lot, but I am scared of him coming back to hurt me again. i really don't want to go running back to him. He's initiated contact once, and i ignored it | I Got dumped when bf was going through rough patch. Could it be him or his pain talking? Not sure how to approach |
t3_1peelh | relationships | Me [22 M] with my girlfriend [22 F] brief relationship, confusing break up? | Girlfriend of 2 months caught me off guard yesterday and broke up with me. We really hit things off well and the relationship, in a good way, felt like longer than 2 months and like it would last a lot longer.
She told me throughout the brief time we were together that she was comfortable with me, never felt the way she did before with any other guy she had been with, loved me, all that jazz.
I feel the same way about her and everything was going good which is why this caught me off guard. She says she can't be in a relationship right now with a lot of things going on in her life, family issues and such.
Told me she still feels the same way about me? But thinks she rushed in to a relationship to soon after her last boyfriend of a year and a half(who was abusive towards her physically). Needs time to 'find herself'.
Not sure how she can feel the same away about me but just wants to be friends right now and 'find herself'. What are you guys thoughts? I don't know how I can be friends with her with the strong feelings I have for her.
Anyone have similar situations or advice??? Any questions and I can give more info. | Girlfriend needs time to 'find herself', still has feelings for me?? but only wants to be friends for now?? |
t3_2v9uh0 | tifu | TIFU by telling my mom about a girl | The fuck up was actually yesterday, but the consequence was today.
Yesterday, I went to dinner with my mom and on the way there, told her about a girl I've recently met and become interested in. I gave her some background information, how we met, what she does for a living, how long we've known each other (3 weeks), etc. This is where the fuck up began. They're in the same profession (nursing), and I mentioned that they would probably have fun picking each other's brains about work. She joked about facebook friending her, and I asked her to wait until they've actually met. After all, we haven't been talking *that* long, and my mom is her own brand of crazy
Okay, everything seemed fine. We went to dinner, got dessert, ran some errands and went home.
This morning, Girl is texting me and says, "oh btw, your mom fb friended me and messaged me this morning."
...
Are you fucking kidding me?? Thanks, mom, for doing exactly the opposite of what I asked.
"That doesn't seem that bad," you say. But wait, there's more...
[what she said.](
It's relevant to note that Girl is a nurse that works in labor and delivery, so it's possible my mom rationalized by thinking seeing *my birth photos* would be interesting to her. Who fucking knows. | Told mom about girl, mom immediately fb friends her and tells her where she can find photos of my birth. |
t3_4ii2y6 | relationships | I fucked up so bad guys. I cheated on someone who spoils me with love. | I'm 18 along with my girlfriend. We've been dating for a year and a month.
This weekend I made what is so far the biggest mistake of my life. A girl in one of the grades below me hit me up wanting to hang out at night. While we're hanging out, she starts scooting closer towards me until we're touching, then she started getting handsy. Being the awful person that I apparently am now, I went with it. Things started getting heated and I put a finger inside of her. Five minutes later I'm walking away telling her that I need to go home because I realized the awfulness of what I was doing.
I never kissed her, I never put myself inside of her. I know that those things don't matter because I'm a dirty cheater. I have been crying myself to sleep every night since then and I feel so hollow and shitty. I don't know why I would violate her trust like this. She has told me over and over that cheating is something that's unforgivable. I fucked up so bad. This entire event has made me realize how much she means to me and how I don't want to be around anyone but her, but I know that if I tell her I won't be with her anymore. She deserves to know. I can't live with this guilt. Maybe I shouldn't live anymore. | went to second base with another girl and cheated on the girl of my dreams. I know that I need to tell her. I don't know what to do and how to handle this. I'm tearing up as I type this. |
t3_1bb1xa | offmychest | Troubled times. | I have been with this girl for a while, we have a son together, and we get along very well most of the time. Anyway.. last Saturday was my birthday. We had worked our asses off to save up for this apartment so we had a place to be together and raise our son. Living with her parents just became too much stress. So thursday around, and we are talking about the move. We had been packing all week. Still excited. Then somehow the conversation turns into a fight. A big one. Fast forward to the next day. We wake up as usual. I kiss her and apologize for the night before and leave for work. She texts me when I get there and she tells me its over and she's cancelled the apartment. We still talk obviously and I still want to work it out but things bother ime about the whole situation. Oh and to top it off I found out I may be bipolar and am currently on antidepressants. Anyway, if anyone wants to know anything just ask away. I was just venting. | girlfriend ended things the day before my birthday which was our move in day for our first place. And found out I may be bipolar. |
t3_4be622 | relationships | Me [27 M] with my wife [27 F] 1 year, talking to another guy about her feelings/issues in our marriage. | So basically the title says it, I found my wife is talking to one of her guy friends about her feelings in our marriage, things that she isn't telling me, they have been friends for over 10 years but haven't seen each other in at least 5.
They usually text here and there and I knew about it and never had any problems with it until I started seeing him text her about how she is pretty, loves her and how it is too bad she is already married now and he might just need to a backup plan in his 30's or 40's.
One of the things that really get me about the whole thing was a comment where she mentions that "I love my my husband with all my heart but sometimes I wish I married a hispanic man" ... (She is hispanic, I'm not, her friend is) ...
I didn't tell her to stop talking to this guy but I told her not to talk to him about our personal matters or how she feels about me to him, especially when it is things that she isn't telling me.
When I confronted her about the things he was saying she didn't mention anything of it and just said if a guy tried something I would just say no.
I feel the guy is being flirty and trying to set himself up, that she knows he is doing it and just going along without really investing herself into it by just saying they are friends, and I'm feeling a bit hurt by the whole situation, think what she did was wrong and feel like I am due some type of apology or something ...
We have already talked about this issue, she says what she was doing is wrong and wouldn't want me doing the same thing, the problem is this is still stirring in my head and I'm looking for outside opinions for this for what I should really think, do or say about this ... Mostly because I honestly feel this kind of behavior is the gateway to cheating or not so innocent behavior. | Wife talking to a guy friend about her feelings in our marriage, I feel his intentions are wrong and feel hurt from what she has done because of the things that were said. |
t3_y8ih4 | AskReddit | Overworked and unsure of how to deal with it. | I am currently employed by a large grocery vendor. Odd situation because I am a vendor within a large grocery retailer, which means I work in the office of the grocer and report to the management there, but I am paid and have my benefits supplied by the company I am actually employed by. When I took the position, the agreed upon workload was 45 hrs a week normally, with occasional 50 hour weeks during the busy seasons. 14 months later i have averaged 55-58 hours a week with some weeks over 65 hours. I have a large chunk of time (vacation, personal, and sick) that will expire in November and I will not be compensated for that I am unable to use due to the workload. I am an "analyst" but do many things within an understaffed and underperforming department. 2 weeks ago my top boss "left the company", meaning that he was given the choice to quit or be fired because he was the chosen scapegoat for the lack of financial performance in the dept. I am at a loss for what to do because I have substancial studen loan debt and need this job, but when I agreed to a salaried position and a ballapark level of hours, I expected to work close to that amount of hours. I have a stomach ulcer because of the stress/long hours and have seen my overall health deteriorate over the last 14 months and just want to get an idea if I am alone or if many people share my situation: | I have worked 55-58 hours a week salary for a job that was said to be 45-50 for over 14 months and am looking for opinions on how I should handle my situation. |
t3_1c9ijg | AskReddit | Reddit, how do I "1-up" my older sibling and stop them from treating me like dirt? | You know the drill, I have an older sibling (Sister - 18, I'm a boy - 17) whom basically makes my life a living hell.
At some stages she seems schizophrenic as she acts normally around her friends (Most of whom are my friends as well), a different personality around her boyfriend then around me, she acts like the Antichrist.
From unnecessary taunting to acting like a complete b*tch, there is nothing she wont do to belittle me. I've tried standing up for myself, countering her insults in a mature way (simply calling her immature or pathetic), but somehow she can always turn it back on me and "win" the confrontation.
I would like to know how to "1-up" my older sibling and become the "winner" of any confrontation in a mature way. (In your own experience or your advice.) | Older sister (18) constantly belittling me (Male 17) for no reason, countering insults etc. in a mature way isn't working. Advice needed. |
t3_4olmmr | relationships | My two best friends [18 M] aren't inviting me [18 M] to stuff anymore, yet they act normal and friendly in school | I have two friends (both 18 and male), A and K, that I've known for 7 and 10 years respectively. They've recently started hanging out without me, which I don't understand. I don't know what I've done to them to deserve this kind of "freezing out". They aren't inviting me to much and whenever I ask if they want to hang out, they reply with "we're already hanging out, come if you want".
I may be able to fix it by talking with them, but I have a personal problem which has always haunted me. I don't know what the cause of it is, but I am unbelievable terrible at talking about problems with others. I have literally never in my life talked about any of my personal issues to anyone before. I can't stop thinking about how whiny I'm going to sound and how stupid it would be. People tell me it is healthy to talk about problems and it probably really is. I want to talk to them about this, but how can I start a conversation with them and talk to them without sounding whiny and salty? Also, should I do it over the internet or in person?
Truth is, while I don't want to sound angry or salty, I actually feel quite salty. It hurts me, I don't know what I did to them, but it wasn't on purpose. I have other friends but I'm not close to any other friends than these two guys.
Please help. | My two best friends are, in my opinion, being cruel by completely ignoring me. How can I talk to them about our situation without sounding whiny? Also, should I do it over the internet or in person? |
t3_2c3nkc | relationship_advice | Meeting up with a girl | So I've been talking to this girl which I met through one my mates who is also a girl ( but we never had a thing or what I thought was a thing) and we've been talking everyday for the past week now. Not just by text but by other social medias and image related chat which were having till like 6-7 in the morning till one of us falls asleep. Basically she told her friend that we were talking and they now have some beef and she wants me to come over to her aunts house where she's baby sitting and want a to talk about what's going on. Now I have no idea if she's into me or not but I am, and now I'm feeling really nervous about it and what to do if she does like me and what to talk about | girl wants me to come over to talk but I have no idea how to keep the convo going, we've been talking for a week straight but the convo is always random HELP |
t3_4ad976 | pettyrevenge | Beep beep beep | When I was at school, I was in Mr McClure's form. He was the most hated teacher in school, and I did not appreciate having to see him twice a day, every day, on top of the dreaded geography lessons everyone endured. He was rude, managed lessons badly, shouted randomly and just went out of his way to punish even the smallest whisper in class. He was also incredibly unsympathetic to me and my best friends home situations, where we were young carers to our disabled parents. No homework could be missed just because dad went to hospital, and being late after the day carer didn't turn up on time wasn't a decent excuse.
My school required everyone to be in form by 8:35 every morning, which required my self conscious self to be up at 6 showering and doing my makeup. Coupled with insomnia, I was always pretty tired in the mornings and sometimes forgot to turn my phone on silent. Every formtime my then boyfriend would text me when he woke up, and everytime Mr McClure heard my phone go off I would have it confiscated until a parent could collect it, no sympathy for that not actually being possible 9/10.
After having my mobile finally returned to me with a complaint about how many annoying texts I was receiving, I hatched a plan. My phone had an option to repeat the text alert noise every 2 minutes after I got a text. I decided to enable this and leave my phone on one morning, waiting for my boyfriend's daily text. It went off just before form ended, and my phone was taken off me, but I did not mind that day.
He didn't even last until afternoon form time, and sought me out in than middle of maths to explain my phone was going mad, and that I must have a family emergency or something. Sounds caring, but I asked a friend who was in the class he stormed out of to find me, and he said he was swearing and yelping every time the noise went off, with the class laughing quietly at him, for a good 90 minutes before he finally blew his lid.
I still made an effort to turn my phone off every morning, but on the few occasions I forgot in the future, he didn't bother confiscating it. | made my asshole tacher listen to my phone beep every 2 minutes for a couple of hours until he finally started screaming in class |
t3_2onvzy | relationships | Me [30 M] with my [30 F] wife, 5 years marriage, admitted to my wife I may be transgender, her response hurt me to the core. What to do now? | We've been in couples counseling and I told her a few months ago I was also attracted to men. I've never cheated on her and have been faithful our entire marriage. I've always had a lot of transgender feelings too and I told her everything yesterday(I've been to therapy sessions, have these constant feelings that have become stronger recently, how I feel like I feel like a woman inside sometimes, but that I love her with all my heart but am trying to be honest, etc.). She said she understood, and we went to sleep peacefully, spooning even. This is her email response she sent me shortly after she left the house this morning, in a nutshell.
1. She will hire a lawyer to take as much money of ours in a divorce now that she knows what the $ would be for, for a disgusting transgender surgery(which of course wouldnt take place for years and is not a sure thing). That my honest feelings have 'disrespected' her and our marriage so greatly that she'd rather i give all my money to charity than transition
2. That she couldnt bear to talk to me, see me, tell ppl about me. That MAYBE she could text or email me, but couldnt do more than that.
3. That I'd be mutilating my body and insides and what kind of person could want me then. That I will never be a real woman, I'll never have kids, never have ovaries or menstruate, and I'll be some some half freak that nobody would accept.
I know not everybody accepts this kind of thing, but I am so devastated by the one closest to me telling me these kinds of things, and I just don't know how I can go on anymore... | Told my wife I may be transgender, she reacted poorly, wants to take all my $ and says I'll be a freak who will never have anybody want me. Devastated.. |
t3_33fcyh | college | Is my advisor setting me up for plagiarism? | So, I wasn't sure who else to ask, and this has been nagging me all day.
So, tomorrow, I'll be giving a poster presentation on some research I did earlier this semester. Today was the first day I got to see the poster my advisor made for me. She put some older research conducted with her in her lab on my poster to "strengthen" my data. She did not put any of their names on the poster, and in the end in the acknowledgements all it says is, "We'd like to thank everyone else in the lab that contributed to this study." She told me about, and said to avoid talking about it as much as possible and not to mention it's someone else's.
This is really striking me as off. She's actually a very vindictive person, and has told us about how she has allowed people to present bad research to ruin their career because they were "lazy". Now I'm not lazy, but her opinion of someone can change in a second. I'm not sure she's too happy with me because my research did not turn out well, but it was not for a lack of hard work.
Upon thinking about it, I've come up with two possible reasons she's done it the way she did, either
A) She's setting me up to look like I was plagiarizing (even though she put it on my poster without asking me)
B) She told me to avoid talking about it as much as possible to protect me from plagiarism.
The only names on the poster are mine and hers, so there's a chance she could claim it was her work, and said I could use it. What I need to know is if she's setting me up. | Basically my advisor is a vindictive bitch, and she put data that is not my own on my poster without consulting me or giving me a chance to object. Is she setting me up? |
t3_3aryo1 | relationships | Am I [M/26] too far in to turn around? | I am currently engaged to my [F/23] fiancé.
While we've been together for four years and have had a lot of fun times, I feel like we aren't the people we were when we started dating and have developed different personalities (I'm social, she isn't, etc.).
I often find myself wondering what it would be like to date other women (I haven't dated anyone other than her since I've been an adult), and often find myself flirting with other women in my life (at work, social activities, etc.). In many ways, she doesn't fulfill my interests anymore.
The most difficult part about the situation is that we got engaged a month ago (I'm not entirely positive why I did it, mostly a lot of pressure from family and friends). If we broke up, I'd have a $12k ring I wouldn't know what to do with, and her parents would lose a $600 down payment they put on the wedding venue.
If we broke up, it would crush her heart and I would be seriously worried she would contemplate harming herself.
What do I do? | My fiancé has no friends other than me and her family, and I'm too far deep to break up with her. What do I do? |
t3_ob18x | relationships | How to deal with a flake? (x-post from r/AL) | Edit: 25/F x2
So, I've been out of the closet for five months and I don't have any lesbians friends, except for one girl. We have a mutual childhood friend and have been acquainted most of our lives. I've always got along with her really well and since coming out we have gotten a lot closer. She's a great girl and I have an excellent time when I'm out with her, but she's a huge flake. She never returns phone calls, erratically texts back, and frequently breaks plans. I have had serious discussions with her about this, but little has changed. Conflating all this, I have a huge crush on her. (naturally)
Cue New Years Eve, we agree to kiss at midnight. (my first girl kiss) Afterword we confess to liking each other, but also note our concern about not having any other lesbian friends. We agree to just stay friends, friends who sometimes make out. The next week she flakes on me twice, once just straight up doesn't return my afternoon phone call, and stands me up. I am super pissed, I let her know, she gets all desperate, apologizing over and over. We talk and hang out a couple of times but it's kinda weird. (for me anyway)
Earlier tonight I spilled my guts about this to a friend, giving the poor guy every ugly detail. His response was basically that she has no respect for me, that I've made every effort to change things, and that I've become a doormat: time to cut her out.
What do you think? I don't want to loose her friendship, but I guess in some ways, I don't have it now. | I only have one lesbian friend, she is a huge flake, I also have a crush on her. Should I cut her out and move on or stick around for now? |
t3_2q29hu | relationships | Abusive ex 20/f won't give me 20/m my possessions back | Hey guys, this is a partial update to
Here's the deal, I basically figured out my Ex GF was incredibly abusive, and that she'd been lying to me the entire relationship and cheating on me etc. I removed her off of facebook, and she blocked me before I could get my possessions back from her (cross my dad wore in Iraq before he died worth aprox $1,600 and a ring that she "lost" that my mother gave me with our birth stones in it worth aprox $1,000.
So, she blocked me, and then I went on an old facebook to see what the fuck was up, and if I could figure out how to get my stuff back and low and behold she had been hiding relationship things from me, like friendships with guys that she cheated on me with etc, the entire relationship.
I don't know what to do, all I want to do is end the abuse, and get my things back. I don't care anymore.
So I sent her this
"Hey there, I'm going to need to get all of my possessions back including my cross necklace and I'm going to need to know who has my mothers ring. If you don't respond, I'm going to come by with the Kitsap County Sheriff and retrieve my items." and then this "Assuming that the messages I've received by your friends are true, you've possibly blocked my phone number from sending you messages. If this is the case I will be contacting you from another number in 24 hours time in order to move this along, and if that isn't responded to I will visit with the police. I do not wish to converse, nor do I care who delivers said possessions and information to me. Please inform your friends that I do not need to know any more "details" about your indiscretions while you were with me, I've heard enough. " | Ex gf has my possessions, was super abusive and is most likely blocking me in order to try and hurt me more, I just want it to end. What do? |
t3_3kwjvq | relationships | I (F24) just got back together with my ex (M25). Can I make myself fall back in love? | My boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. He is a recovering drug addict. I broke up with him in June when he stole from me, used the money to buy drugs, and lied about it all.
Since the breakup, he's really gotten his shit together. He's been clean for 3 months, he found a good job, he's putting money away, working out regularly, trying to make himself a better person. Basically everything I always wanted him to do while we were together. Because of all these changes and effort on his part, I decided to give us another shot.
We've been back together for 2 weeks now. He's still ridiculously in love with me. He says it and shows it all the time. Me ... I'm not sure. Somewhere in those 3 months, I fell out of love with him without even realizing it. I still love him... but more like a best friend. I still really enjoy spending time with him. I still enjoy having sex with him. But something is missing. We were together for 3 years, the initial honeymoon phase was long gone ... but what was left was a deep love, one of security and comfort. That feeling is gone. It still feels nice when I'm in his arms, but I don't feel the same content. I don't get butterflies in my stomach when he kisses me anymore. I feel numb.
On paper, he's perfect now. I forgive him for everything that happened. I want him back as my best friend, my partner in crime, because we make the most excellent team. But if we're not *together*, that's just not feasible.
My question, to those of you who have gotten back with an ex- were you as in love as the first time? If not, did the love come back? I want this to work so badly.
I don't even really care if no one reads this, it felt nice to write it out. Thanks for reading though if you did. | got back with my ex only to realize I'm not in love with him anymore. Will this feeling come back with time, or should I give up now? |
t3_4p0exf | personalfinance | Starting over at 25 -- Lost and overwhelmed. (CAN) | Hello reddit community. I'm a long-time reader, but first-time poster. I have some ideas on how to proceed, but a second opinion/ tough love/ proof-read would be appreciated.
The sitch:
- Moved across the country (northern BC to Ottawa, ON) for a B. Software Eng. program. Made it two years in and dropped out due to drug problem (weed) and home sickness.
- Mom paid to bring me home and I am living with her in Vancouver suburb. Moving in with my sister up north on July 16th for a month until I find my own place.
- $16 k student loans, unsure if I can apply for further funding due to 'unsuccessful semesters' (~$250/mo taken from account to pay back).
- Personal debt of ~$6k to Mom which isn't necessary to pay by her opinion, but I wouldn't feel right just forgetting it.
- $100 to my name, sorta, an no sellable assets.
- Eight years retail experience selling mostly cell phones.
The plan:
- Search for a full-time job up north, likely at a pulp-mill.
- Return to school at a local university part-time and get a Comp Sci/Physics joint major (not a dual major/ hoping for credit transfer).
- Get a real job and return to reddit to learn 'responsible adult personal finance.'
Data:
- Avg rent up north is ~$600/mo plus utils.
- Min wage is $10.50/hr, with few commissioned job opportunities.
- Mill jobs pay ~$17/hr plus bene's (so I've heard).
- More to come. | Screwed up academically and financially, moved home with $16k student debt, trying to fund returning to school. |
t3_3jpq55 | relationships | My [21F] boyfriend [22F] and I haven't had sex in over 3 weeks....I'm getting feelings something might be wrong? | Boyfriend and I have had a pretty solid sexual relationship, having usually had sex daily only because he has trouble going more than once a day. Out of the blue it seems he has had no sex drive and after the first couple days he brought it up just saying he was sorry and noticed without giving any real reason. He doesn't seem particularly stressed and our relationship has been great otherwise. We've been dating for about 6 months now with the only gaps being heavy periods but honestly I've been trying so hard and getting nothing in return and I'm so frustrated right now. I would never cheat but I'm just starting to wonder if this is going ro be a problem....I tried "not trying" for a few weeks
but this just results in him wanting blowjobs. I'm starting to feel incredibly self concious and unsexy to him...... Any tips or advice for a young sexually active female? Little background: I regularly masterbate but get very little out of it as I mostly crave intimacy, he masterbate when we don't have sex and has been which I'm comfortable with but I don't think he has been lately.....is it more likely outside stress or relationship stress? I've tried bringing it up but he always has an excuse like "my stomach hurts" or I'm really tired" or "can i please have a bj". | my bf hasn't wanted sex in over 3 weeks and I don't know how to appropriately and sensetively respond and cope. |
t3_303ieh | relationships | I [f/24] do not understand my friend [m/30] and his communication pattern. | I have been talking to a guy on and off for around two years now and I have noticed a trend in our communication.
When I try to make conversation, he will answer my question but he won't ask me anything back so conversation dies quickly because it's one way, always. When I stop talking to him for a while, he will message me and talk to me a lot for a bit and then become cold and uninterested once I give him attention. I know there is a mutual physical attraction and a silent acknowledgement that we will never date because of distance, but I'm not even interested in that. I just want to be friends with him and I'm pretty sure he knows that.
I know it's quite vague, I tried to make things short, but what is going on here? I can try to give more info if needed. Should I pursue trying to be friends with this guy or just let whatever this is go on like this? | Guy talks to me a lot when I don't talk to him, when I try to make conversation he will answer but will not try to make more conversation. |
t3_zwxjk | relationships | Weirdest relationship (18) with the best girl (19) what do? | I'll try to be brief here but there's a lot to say.
I've had eyes for this girl since the ninth grade (I'm now in my sophomore year of college) I'm very shy, though, and never made a move until she finally moved to Seattle at the end of the 10th grade. I tried to move on but she had something special I couldn't quite find in anyone else. Gradually, across three dates over the last three years, I found out she felt the same way about me and took her on a few dates.
The most recent dates involved me kissing her for the first time, and then evolving into making out. Ordinarily I would say the passion I felt from her end is enough to substantiate confidence to keep moving forward in our (I guess you could call it a) relationship. However, she kept suggesting that I find a nice girl out in Kansas, where I go to school.
Here is all I want advice on: neither of us wants to call it a relationship because of how exhaustive it would be to try to support a relationship on one date per year. We have an unspoken agreement there. All I want to know is, does she even want to try? I honestly couldn't blame her if she wants to go our separate ways given how far away we are and how glacially paced our dating is with no relief in sight (getting my masters degree in architecture will take 3 more years). She is just so special to me and I am confident in saying that I won't find anyone like her ever again, but I don't want to make her suffer either.
I don't particularly want to tell her how I feel either because I don't want to be clingy and overly emotional but any affirmation that she wants me would put my heart at ease for the year | ultra long distance with one date a year, but I can't find anyone as great as her. Can it work? |
t3_316m9c | relationships | Me [22 M/F] with my girlfriend [24 M/F] of 3 years, she keeps dating with som DotA guy I'm pretty sure he is in love with her, and I'm kinda desperate. | EDIT: NOT DATING, HAVING A BEER/COFFE -> hanging out seems a more appropiate word. (Massive disrespect at my English sorry)
Hello Reddit! This is my first post here so sorry if I make some mistakes (English is not my first language so expect some errors)
My girlfriend and I have been dating for three years now and we have had some good times, but we are having some problems lately. My girlfriend Sheila loves online games like WoW, DotA and this stuff, I like them too, but not on the same level. He met someone playing like 5 months ago and she spends a lot of time (she is currently not working) playing DotA with this guy.
I always thought that he (Alex) was in love with my girlfriend, but my girlfriend always says that that's not true. They had a beer on December and I wasn't any comfortable at all. We argued that night very angry and we took some time off.
Two weeks after they were drunk and he proposed to her and tried to give her a kiss, my girlfriend denied it (obviously, that's what she told me). I was very angry, and I said to her that I couldn't take that she kept in touch with Alex, she said "Okay".
Later I found out that she was still playing with him, but she told me that they talked and they knew that they don't want anything about a relationship, just playing games. I was very angry too, but I have been always very jealous and I tried not to get angry, and let her have her friends.
Yesterday she told me that she is planning to have a coffee with him tonight, and I don't know how to react.
So here it is, I don't know what to do. I'm not comfortable with her hanging out with this guy, but I don't know if it's me just being jealous. I'm really in love with her and I'm very desperate, that's why I'm writing you guys. I should mention that this is my first serious relationship and her third one. | Girlfriend keeps hanging out with a guy she met through online games that I'm pretty sure he loves her and I told her not to do so. Desperate right now. |
t3_2tinlk | books | I've never liked reading and I always get really sleepy while reading, this is even though I have the urge to read a book. Does anyone have any helping suggestions? | As said in the title, I don't like reading. I currently find it to be a really boring medium to tell stories via (let's not start an a book can tell a story more indepth than a movie or videogame). I think I have always found it like this.
Even though I read some books that I like (Go ask Alice and A hitchhikers guide to the galaxy are my favorites I think), I still get really sleepy after about five pages.
This does not occur with factual literature or news articals, I think it's because I find those interesting and more compelling.
I don't want it to be this way. I want to like to read, because it's pretty cool, and because school requires me to read books.
Does anyone have any helping tips? | I don't like reading currently, but I want to like it. No matter how good the book is I always get bored and sleepy. Does not occur with factual literature. Any help? |
t3_385bkk | relationships | Boyfriend (19) lied to me (19f) a few times. Am I wrong to feel mistrust against him sometimes? | To keep a long story short, my boyfriend of a few months have lied to me quite a few times, about very simple stuff to things that matters to me. It started before we got official, he lied to me about his past, he lied to me about being in love with a girl, he lied to me about his feelings. Recent one was, he lied to me looking right into my eyes while holding my hand, about the same girl he lied to me about not loving.
I think that as him being inexperienced in relationships as I am his first girlfriend, he does not quite know about relationships basics. But we are currently long distance and I know trust is the most important thing in a LDR, as I have been in one for a year before my current relationship (coincidences...) But I can't help but feel insecure at times, wondering whether he is lying right now or not. I can hear him writing on computer while we are on Skype sometimes, and even though he tells me he is doing some thing else, I can't help but wonder if he is up to something else. Before the lies, there was no such thing even though I had feelings for him.
So... am I in the wrong to feel this way? I do love him and I would love to make this work. | Boyfriend lied to me about a few important stuff, which makes me doubt him sometimes, even think of cheating a few times. I feel horrible for not trusting him. How to fix? |
t3_1zw78y | relationships | Me [21 F] with my boyfriend [20 M] dating for a year, | So we switched colleges together and have been living in an apartment this whole year. For whatever reason he decided to take a year off college and has just been working odd jobs. Rent is just under 400$ each and we've been doing great.
Our lease ends in a couple months and he's decided (apparently from 'pressure at home') to move back in with his parents over summer, then move back up here live on campus when school starts. I've given him the option of getting a roommate, which would make rent about half of what it is.
Normally, I wouldn't care. Saving money is pretty important at this age. But I just found out that what he actually plans on doing is getting an apartment with his friends over summer (probably for the whole school year) and attend a different college. The rent of this apartment with his friends would be the same amount of rent if we got a roommate. There's nothing wrong with this college. If anything, it's better than the one he'd be attending if he lived with his friends.
Should I not feel kind of mad about this? | Boyfriend lies about living arrangements; I don't know what to think or if I'm justified in feeling really upset. |
t3_1o6xpp | relationships | I [18 F] am fighting constantly with my boyfriend [17M] of 1 1/2 years to the point that I'm not sure how to proceed with our relationship. | My boyfriend and I began a long distance relationship a couple of months ago because I had to go out of state to school for financial reasons. For the past couple of months we've been having an increase in the amount of fights we've had, often both going to bed upset. Back in our home town, I was usually the one paying for our dates since I had a job. He's into technology and whenever he asks his parents for money it's usually to buy something for his hobby. I usually have to bring up the fact that maybe he should contribute to our dates and he gets upset at himself for not thinking about it. However, that happened often even after I pointed it out multiple times. Getting to the point, we've gone off at each other a lot lately; I feel like he says "I love you" just to fill the silence, and while he denies it, it still seems like he says it every 5 minutes. I've brought this up because, imo, it pretty much begins to lose meaning when it is said over and over and over. I did explain this, and he says that he just doesn't have anything to say; however, when I ask if he wants a break, he says that he doesn't want to lose me.
We've been having other problems as well, and I'm not sure what to do. Should I ask for a break until my winter vacation in December, or should I try to continue communicating with him about my issues?, or break it off altogether? I'm his first girlfriend, and his family is absolutely horrible to him, so I'm mostly all he has left except for some of his friends and his adult siblings. | Relationship turned long distance is becoming increasingly difficult because boyfriend thinks of his hobby or doesn't know what to say anymore. I'm at a loss at what to do now. |
t3_50pm5o | relationships | I [20F] feel insecure because my bf [25M] keeps liking another girl's [20F] Facebook pictures | Throwaway because I am embarrassed at myself for feeling this way.
My boyfriend Ryan and I have been together for 8 months. He's a great guy. We both had said that we were each others' best relationship.
Ryan spends a lot of time on Facebook because he works from home on his computer.
Every once in a while when I'm browsing Facebook, a post will come up saying "Ryan has liked Brittney's photo." All her pictures are public so whenever this happens it shows up in my newsfeed. They are always her selfies and are never recent. They are usually at least a few weeks old. She is single and goes to the same college as me but I don't know her. It should be noted that she's very beautiful.
Whenever Ryan and I go more than a day without seeing each other he will go through my Facebook and like old pictures of me. I always thought it was very sweet until I saw him doing this with her.
I feel like he would leave me if she expressed the same mutual interest in him. I know how insecure I sound which is why I'd like some advice for how to deal with these insecurities. | What can I do to not feel this hostility towards my BF whenever I see that he liked one of her old photos again? |
t3_2arsi5 | relationship_advice | [24/F] My boyfriend [26/M] is deciding to stay with me after he found out I cheated on him. What do I/we do now? | Yes I'm a slut, liar, and a horrible terrible person. I know. I feel like shit. But after a lot of tears, my boyfriend said we'll try to make it work. I'm promising him that I will never cheat on him again, that I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. I love him more than anything and I know I shouldn't have cheated in the first place. I shouldn't have taken him for granted. I shouldn't have lied. I really do hate myself for this. But we just moved in together a month ago and will have a lease on this apartment for a year. It's gonna be tough but I am willing to do anything to change and prove to him that I will never ever ever cheat on him again and that he means more to me than anything else in this world. I don't know how else I can say sorry. I need to show him that I am in love with him and only him and he's the only one I want to be with. I care about him so much. I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR HIM. | I will do anything to fix my relationship with my boyfriend. What can I do to show him I'm sorry and that he's the only one I want to be with for the rest of my life? |
t3_4pgk4s | relationships | How do I [21 M] get my act together after breaking up with my cheating girlfriend [21 F] of two years,failed at everything else and battling HOCD? | I broke up with my girlfriend after finding out she cheated on me. This was the only good thing that was going in my life as i didn't have a job. This also makes me feel lonely and worthless. This has just increased my insecurities.
The worst part was the first few days after the breakup. She had called me gay a couple of times because i hungout with guy friends a few times when she wanted to hangout with me. I thought i was gay when i have never been attracted to a guy. A small google search showed me that i am suffering from HOCD. This just sucks because i can't talk about this with my friends.
I just want to get my act together ie.., focus on getting a job and overcome this needless HOCD. I just feel like i need to talk to someone about this. | How does a guy who lost at everything,relationships and job, and a HOCD sufferer get better? |
t3_uibou | relationships | And this is crazy. | Hey all. I need y'alls opinion on a situation I am in.
I am a 20-year-old male. A few months back I started dating this girl, who's 21. We're both college students.
I met her at the end of January. She was in a relationship with a long-time boyfriend of almost 4 years. The relationship was falling apart and she broke up with him. She showed signs of feelings for me and we began dating a few weeks later. I developed strong feelings for her pretty quickly. Everything was going great until mid-April. She had come to the realization that she still had feelings for her ex. She said she didn't want to get back together with him, but she didn't think it would be fair to me so she decided to end things.
We still talked after that. A lot. And then we kind of slipped into a dating mode, without putting a label on anything. It was nice. But I still wanted to know if there was a future for us. And she promised there was, she just wanted to make sure she had closure with her ex.
We always texted back and forth, non-stop, when we weren't together. She would tell me that her feelings for me have only gotten stronger since we broke up. But the school year ended and we've both been on vacation for half a month now. Every day seemed to go great, we would Skype and expressed our feelings for each other. But out of no-where she stopped replying to my text messages. I know she's read them, and it's not like she's super busy, because she's been very active on Facebook. I just don't understand. It's been 45 hours since I've gotten a response from her. It's the longest we haven't spoken since we've met.
She's supposed to get back into town on Tuesday.
I feel like a child, but i'm just so clueless of what could have possibly happened. Should I be worried? What do you think about the situation I am in? | Fell for this girl, she still had feelings for ex. Broke it off, now it's looking like we're getting back together, until two days ago where she has started to ignore me. |
t3_4x3o8u | tifu | TIFU by pretending to be a McDonalds employee's ex-boyfriend | This was actually a while ago, but oh well. I was an idiot and my friends were idiots and we were doing prank calls(like idiots, but it was fun). Now, one of my friends works at a McDonalds and tells me to phone them. So I oblige.
He tells me to pretend I'm Gary(changing the names here), and put on a southern US accent(which is weird because we don't live in the US), and of course I do.
I say what he tells me to, without thinking about it, while he giggles the whole time, and the conversation goes like this:
"Hi, can I speak to Mary"
"Pardon me?"
"Uhhh, this is Gary, may I speak to Mary."
"Mary is not working today do you want me to tell her something?"
"Yeah, uhh, can you tell her I want to go square dancing at the rec centre?
"The what?"
"I want to go square dancing at the rec centre."
"Okay, is that all?"
"Yes ma'am, goodbye."
I don't know what happened but my friend finds it hysterical. Fast forward a few days and Barry(the name I'll use for my friend) is suspended from his job.
I ask why.
Gary is Mary's ex boyfriend, but Mary still loves Gary, and Barry, told me(Larry) to ask out Mary by pretending to be Gary, and Mary showed up to the rec centre but there was no Gary, and Barry told Mary that HE pretended to be Gary, and he thought it was hilari...
...ous. | I prank called a McDonalds, and unknowingly(didn't think about it) impersonated an employees ex boyfriend and asked her out, not knowing she'd desperately want to show up. |
t3_zhdvw | relationships | 18F, I'm too emotionally dependent on my boyfriend | Hi, okay so here is my story. Me and my current boyfriend became friends junior year of high school. (We are now both freshmen in college). We became very close, he always wanted to take our relationship to the next level but I was a clueless girl. Senior year, I realized my feelings for him did exist, we started dating, and we've been dating ever since for almost a year.
I think because we were such close friends before we started dating is why we are so close and so strong. I seriously have so much love for him... we work very well together communication wise, romantically, etc. We do fight occasionally, I know neither of us are perfect.
But that's the thing... since we are both going through so much change lately with the whole "growing up, not in high school anymore" thing... (we go to colleges in the same town, but I only see him about once a week) I have just become very self conscious. I know for a fact I can see myself with him for a very long time. I KNOW we have a lot of growing up and maturing to do, but we've talked about these things in a realistic perspective. I feel like we can make it. But at the same time I'm worried he will be the one to get bored, find another girl, and leave me in the dust. I get sad if he doesn't text me back or call me, sometimes my whole day can be made/broken by one thing he says. I just know this is really unhealthy for me. I know I'm being crazy, I've talked to him about it and he got upset and said that I can't just doubt his love for me and think that he's going to just leave me. (I can't blame him, I would be upset if it was the other way around).
So, reddit. How can I not be so dependent on him? I want to be able to be happy without having to hear "i love you" or anything else from him. I want to have him in my life, yet be able to live my own life. Make sense? | My boyfriend and I have a lot of change in occurring in our lives, and I fear too much for no reason that he's going to dump me. How can I live my life without doubt? |
t3_2hsmuh | tifu | TIFU and lost one of my balls. | This is another story that happened several years ago, I was about 16 at the time.
Beach trip with my family, I wake up in the morning with my right nut hurting like you wouldn't believe. Absolute agony. I manage to get through part to about lunchtime before I decide to tell my parents. I was incredibly embarrassed, so I told them I'd 'bumped into the wall' on the way to the toilet during the night. I talk it down a fair bit because I don't want them to worry and cut the trip short.
We go down to the beach and have a swim, my testicle still throbbing with pain. Eventually I have to go back to the house because it hurts so much. I hop in the shower and notice it's swollen up to about the size of a golf ball, maybe a bit bigger. I tell my folks and they say that we should probably head home and go to a doctor.
We drive home, me still in agony (it was a four hour trip, ouch). I was young and socially awkward, and didn't really fancy showing a doctor my golf ball nut, so I weaseled out of going to the doctor when we got home, so my parents booked me an appointment in the morning.
When I get to the doctor, they tell me that it's [testicular torsion] and they'll almost certainly have to operate and remove it. I absolutely shit myself when he told me that.
I head up to the hospital and get ready for surgery. There's a really cute Indian nurse there poking and prodding my undercarriage. That alone was an extremely confusing experience for a 16 year old boy. Anyway, they put me under anesthetic, and about 3 hours later, I wake up with one less testicle.
They told me later that if they get to operate within about 8 hours of the torsion (literal twisting of the testicle) occurring, they can save it. I went three days. I passed a kidney stone about 2 years later, and I can tell you, my golf ball nut was far more painful than that. | I waited three days with a painful, swollen testicle before going to the doctor. They had to remove it. They didn't even let me take it home :( |
t3_1i63gw | relationships | I (28f) don't think my boyfriend (30m) will ever be ready for marriage. Should I give up hope? | So this is a throwaway. Bottom line is I don't think my boyfriend will ever ask. I'm watching all the people I grew up with get married to people they've been dating for less time I've been with my SO. We've been together for 4.5 years. We live together and he is my best friend.
The only reason I can think of is he is Jewish, I'm not. He said his dad wouldn't accept our marriage as valid if we dont get married in a temple. I won't budge on this for a man who will barely acknowledge my existence. Should I just give up? | Boyfriend of almost five years has not proposed yet, I am afraid he never will. Possibly because his dad, who doesn't like me because of my religion, won't consider our marriage valid. |
t3_ttnhf | AskReddit | I want to get a job where I only work one day a week. What jobs should I apply for, and how difficult will this be to do? | A little background:
I have [non-24-hour sleep-wake disorder] which means I operate on a ~25 hour day instead of a normal, 24-hour one. In other words, every day I go to sleep about an hour later than the last, and wake up about an hour later than the previous 'morning'. I'm also extra-sensitive to losing sleep, and none of the treatments or regimens I have tried have worked to correct the problem, which has persisted since late high school.
This makes it very difficult to hold down a regular full time job. Not impossible, but it takes a huge physical and emotional toll, moreso the more hours I work.
As a result, I've been self-employed for about the last five years, developing indie video games primarily ([here's one of them] ), among other freelance jobs. I bring in some money, but my wife is the primary breadwinner, and I'd like to share a little more of the load so we can have kids.
So, my thought was to get a job for only one day a week, to do in addition to my work out of home. I can man up and work the occasional day after being up all night, so long as I don't have to do a whole work week like that. I would prefer to work on a consistent schedule where I work the same day every week, though. More pay is better, but I'm not picky about the pay grade or the type of work (even retail type stuff would be okay); I just want to make a little extra money. | I have a weird sleep disorder which makes it really hard to hold down a regular job, and want to only work one day out of each week. How feasible is it? What are some good jobs to apply to? |
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