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t3_484q89 | relationships | I (25M) feel like the crazy bipolar boyfriend in my relationship with my girlfriend (26F) | I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year. I love her a lot, and I know she loves me. But lately I'm always losing my temper with her over little things she doesn't even mean to do. And I know I'm the bad guy here but I just can't help it. This fighting has been happening more lately.
Perhaps related, is I'm under more stress currently as it is my last semester at university with my hardest classes. But I don't want to make excuses. I don't want to be treating her so badly.
I feel like I'm always losing it, and she's the victim. But she always tries to take responsibility for the fights even though it's not her. It just breaks my heart to always be fighting with her over nothing. And she gets especially upset because she doesn't like making me mad. I just feel like a crazy person that's ruining our relationship, and I don't know how to stop.
Help? | I keep getting mad at my girlfriend erratically and for tiny reasons and she takes it very personally. I don't know what to do because i don't mean to hurt her. And I don't want to destroy our relationship |
t3_31cdfz | relationships | Me [30M] with my [23F] SO, discovering that we have very different boundaries with regards to nudity | My SO and I have been dating for just under one year, and moved in together 2 months ago.
Since that time, I have noticed that my SO really enjoys walking around in her "pajamas" late at night. She doesn't really make any effort to close the curtains or shut the blinds, and I'm certain that she knows how easy it is to look into an apartment when it is dark outside, and all of the lights are on. (Though the windows/glass doors in our apartment do not face any particularly busy roads, they are still trafficked on a semi-regularly basis, so there's certainly a risk of being exposed.) I put the term pajamas in quotation marks because she tends to walk around in her bra and a thong...
While I love that my SO is comfortable with her body, and think she looks beautiful in her "pajamas" of choice, I'm less enthused by the fact that she seems to be okay with random passerby catching a glimpse. On one such occasion, I jokingly asked her, "Aren't you going to close the blinds before you take your clothes off?", and she just sort of shrugged her shoulders. I find this hurtful, as I do not think that it is appropriate for other men to see my SO in her underwear, or for other women to see me in any state of undress. (I realize that this might make me "old-fashioned", but everyone has their own understanding of what is and isn't "exclusive" within a relationship, and this is something that is important to me.)
Am I being totally unreasonable, or am I justified in being uncomfortable with this? How can I tastefully bring this up as a topic of discussion without upsetting her? | SO routinely walks around in her underwear with the curtains and blinds open, and I'm sure random passerby have caught a glimpse. This makes me uncomfortable, and I'm not sure how to go about addressing it. |
t3_xv8b2 | AskReddit | Reddit, how do you tell if you're in the friend zone, and how does one go about getting out of it? | I've talked to a girl for a while now, and we're fairly close. I've texted her every day since around 2 years ago. I liked her ever since I first met her, and I was pretty smitten. That was, until my best friend decided to date her.
Of course, this made things a bit... tense. But I tried to ignore it, and listen to her and help her, because I just couldn't tell the two how devastated I was, so I tried to help their relationship and fake being happy. (At the time, I thought this was a good idea.) They eventually broke up, and I consoled her as best I could.
The friend apologized and realized his mistakes, and I understood and forgave him. (As of right now, he and I are very close friends.) As time passed, I slowly ignored the feelings and forgot about them.
Fast forward to now, where I realize that I never really got over her, and I realize that I like her. A lot. However, due to previous events, I'm not sure if I am in the infamous friend zone. If I am, how do I get out of it and get to where I can ask her out? | I liked a girl, she and my best friend dated, we made up, but I like her again, but I might be friendzoned. |
t3_356isr | relationships | Me [23 M] + Wife [23 F] with my roommate [23 M] duration, short-description | On throw away account just in case. | My roommate is lazy and I'm very fed up with his shenanigans and really pissed that he cracked 280$ plastic piece for my motorcycle and acted like it was funny. |
t3_2j7x1m | tifu | TIFU by telling the UPS guy how I -really- felt. | A few weeks ago I ordered some custom mats to frame some prints I ordered of an uncommon size (11" x 17", I mean come on!) Naturally weeks went by and the mats never showed and upon checking the tracking I discovered the mats were marked as "delivered" a few days prior. As I have just recently moved out of my parents house to the only neighborhood I can afford I assumed the package had been stolen off of my porch while I was at work.
I e-mailed the company who sent the mats to report that I had never received my order. They kindly offered to open an investigation and have UPS track down the mats. Two days later a neighbor from the next street over brought me my package and said she had the same house number, but a different street name, and after laughing about the mix up (and making a new friend :)) I e-mailed the company to let them know I had gotten my order and they could close the investigation.
Later that evening, another order of mine was delivered by UPS but this time I was home to receive it when the UPS guy arrived. As I signed for the package the UPS guy turned to me and said, "I understand you didn't received a package delivered a few days ago." I laughed as said, "Oh yeah, my neighbor actually brought it over earlier. Turns out some idiot delivered it to the right house number, but the next street over." To which the UPS guy responded, "Yeah, that was me." We met eyes just long enough for me to see the contempt on his face. We finished our exchange in silence. | TIFU by calling the UPS guy who delivered my package to the wrong house an idiot, only to discover the person I was telling was the UPS guy at fault. |
t3_2m7ukb | relationships | My [20 M] boyfriend wants to go to the strip club even though I'm not cool with it. What do I do? [20 F] | My boyfriend used to frequent strip clubs before we started dating 9 months ago and hasn't gone since due to the fact that I don't approve.
Recently, I found out that one of his old friends who he used to frequent with is coming into town and he now wants to go this weekend.
In my personal opinion, I feel if you're in a committed relationship then paying to watch other women get naked in front of you is relative to infidelity. Obviously I don't think the two are synonymous, but it just hurts me that he would want to partake in that. It's like if I were to go out with the girls and grind all up on some dude at a club; I don't think my SO would appreciate that very much.
I'm not super clear on his usual actions at the club before us dating (whether it be just hanging out or lap dances or what) but regardless, it makes me nervous and feel betrayed that he would disrespect me like this.
Reddit, any advice? Am I being irrational? I don't want to seem like a prude but this makes me really upset. | Boyfriend wants to go to the strip club with old friends he used to go to strip clubs a lot with and I'm uncomfortable. |
t3_nzsf7 | AskReddit | Why do I pass out/feel light-headed after discussing certain topics for a certain amount of time? | I wasn't quite sure where to put this, as I don't consider it particularly serious, so I put it here. Apologies if this is the wrong subreddit.
About 2 and a half years ago, I managed to pass out in a sex education class when contraception was being discussed. In the following 2 weeks, I passed out in every class (Only one class a week, but that's not really the point). Pregnancy and words to describe different levels of sexual activity (e.g promiscuous) were discussed in those classes.
My parents took me to the doctors to see why this was happening and it was narrowed down to lack of sleep and a lack of oxygen reaching the brain when those subjects were being discussed around me (I have no idea as to why that was the case). At the time I believed it, as I frequently went to bed at late times before school. I ended up having to take a bottle of water into each lesson and perform a breathing technique each time I felt light-headed. While this helped, I later realised that the doctor may not have been entirely correct, as I will explain in the next paragraph. I have also experienced fainting with HIV/AIDS discussion (which was the first time I passed out) and a few minutes after getting an injection. I had gone to bed early (around 9pm) the night before the day of the injection, ate breakfast and still passed out. I also feel light-headed whenever I think of someone cutting themselves, particular in the wrist area.
It has baffled me ever since I passed out for the first time. Does anybody have any possible ideas as to why this may be happening? | I pass out/feel light-headed discussing certain sexual topics, after injections and thinking of people cutting themselves. Why? |
t3_2jyupm | tifu | TIFU by inadvertently declining FWB sex. | Let me start out by saying, I'm a 28 year old male. I'm balding just slightly, quite successful, but the only thing that looks good on my body anymore is my face. I tend to have a gravitational pull on friendships with the other sex often, and I attribute it to my flirtatious attitude and kind demeanor.
So this evening, yes this very one, I was offered sex in a curious fashion. I am married, and I have never really been put in a situation like this. The lady that offered was a close friend of mine. She has an amazing personality and I didn't even realize what she was doing. She and I were talking about her most recent relationship and she went into a conversation about desiring a FWB. What I didn't realize is that she was referring to me. As a married man, I have never had this problem, or had someone even approach the topic like that. I drove home only to receive a txt stating that her offer was obviously declined. Apparently my "I need to get fucked" radar has stopped working. Or perhaps what little morals I have left are finally playing a role in my life. | Friend wanted a FWB relationship with me, a married man in a sexually lacking marriage. Walked away and was told of my mistake immediately. |
t3_2jnng5 | relationship_advice | Confusion With a Girl From a Different Culture [M/21], [F/22] | First time posting here everybody. Forgive me if I don't get the rules right on the head but I think I read the rules properly.
I'm [M/21] a senior in college and started dating a girl [F/22] I met freshman year, but never really talked to until this summer (funny story if anybody wants to hear it). We have a very nice relationship and everything is great, except when it comes to her mother.
Slight back-story, She is of Russian-Ukrainian descent. Her mother was born and raised there, gave birth to my girlfriend, and moved here when she was 10 years old.
Back to the point. My girlfriend has met my mother and step-father, has come down for the weekend, and everything is great. She hasn't let me meet her mother, and her mother doesn't even know I exist. We are approaching 3 months of 'officially' being together, and I asked about meeting her mom a few times and she said that they don't discuss things like that, and it's cultural to introduce me once I have proposed to her.
I'm from a slow country background and I'm just not used to something like this and don't know what to think of it. I would be more okay with this, but the issue is that she is graduating this winter and will be going back home until grad school starts, and I'll still be at school two hours away. I am worried I won't see her as much because I won't be able to go down there because I 'don't exist' and will only see her when she can make it up to school for random weekends. Also, I just feel weird with her mother not knowing she is dating and has somebody and I am just used to this stuff being communal knowledge in family. | I'm a dumb ole redneck who found a fancy foreign girl and don't know how other cultures treat their children's relationships. |
t3_4z0pp9 | relationship_advice | One night stand or more? | I'm not sure this belongs here or not, so I'm terribly sorry if I'm not allowed to post this here (I just don't know where to post it, honestly), also this is typed on mobile so I can't see sidebar or type/ format this nicely.
Like two weeks ago I( 16m) started in a gymnasium and there's been a lot of parties, anyway I'm at this party and meet this girl from another school (was in 10th grade so she'll be going to a gymnasium next year, maybe this one, probably so since this gymnasium is an English one and she is going to a really expensive English school also), we chat for a while, then I walk around and introduce her to some people, then when we're walking around I say, actually I just want to kiss you, then we make out for a while, then we walk away from the party and make out there for a while, then stuff progresses and we have sex, after 3 hours later when we're done we walk back to the party with arms around each other. Once where back at the party we sorta get separated by our friends (they both come from each way) and I go home shortly after as I'm tired and drunk.
Anyway, this was two days ago around and I'm wondering whether it was just a one night stand (or more) and if so, should I add her on Facebook (One of her friends added me out of nowhere, so I'm curious) or not, or try to hook up (since she was quite cute) | Met a girl at a party, had sex, went home soon after. Wondering if it we should regain contact. |
t3_3e7cxy | relationships | Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [22 M] been together three years but I don't know what to do about our lack of affection? | Me and my boyfriend have been together for three years and there have been ups and downs. We are currently on a down. He was recently diagnosed with depression, stopped talking to me for two weeks and asked me to not contact him, started talking again two months ago and we have suprisingly been OK since and he has seemed happy, recently got a new job and been chirpy.
He is on anti-depressants, however, which have completely taken away his sex drive. I thought no sex would be difficult but manageable, I can sort myself out and see him afterwards for a cuddle (apologies for TMI) but I've been finding it really really difficult. I find myself lying in his bed after he has gone to sleep feeling so lonely and distant from him. He doesn't really like to kiss but will if I ask him to kiss me, he does like to cuddle though and has been extra cuddly recently because he knows it's been upsetting me.
He has said he doesn't want to change medication because it's the lowest dose he can be on, and has said he doesn't want me to try and get him in the mood because it could be embarassing and said he would rather wait. But he could be on this medication for another 6 months - a year and I don't know what to do, I just feel so lonely and unsatisfied to be honest.
And I feel awful also because I've started fancying other people and thinking about other people and seeking attention through other people. Although I'd never be unfaithful to him, I'm finding myself flirting and being suggestive just to get that attention... | boyfriend is on medication which have taken away his sex drive, and I don't know how much longer I can deal without the intimacy and attention? |
t3_vdyvn | personalfinance | Any tips for someone trying to clean up their credit to buy a new house? | **Long Version:** (repost from askreddit) My neighborhood could be better. Sometimes drunken people stumble naked onto my porch at night. Sometimes people across the street shoot at each other while my wife hides terrified under the bed. A couple years back the whorehouse at the end of the block burned down. For the most part people keep their dumb shit to themselves, but I have a 2 year old son and I don't feel like explaining to him in a couple years why the 4 year old girls up the block are singing about their pussies. I've known for a long time that I would move before my son got to schooling age, but new circumstances have arose.
My Father, as a result of an infection that got a little out of hand, only has an effective lung capacity of 50% of one lung. He also has a football-sized hole in his ribcage and needs someone to remove several feet of stinky gauze from it daily to seep the infection out. It's not really working. He can't support himself and knowing that I am eventually looking to move he came to me to see if he could move in with us. I agreed.
Now, to get a new mortgage I need my credit to be a smidge better. According to the 3 agencies I'm well within tolerable limits, but according to loan officers the rating that the agencies give you and the rating you actually have are quite different (30 point discrepancy).
I've paid off all my loans and contested everything I could, but I was wondering if anyone here knew other ways to get their credit in better shape with relative speed, I would like to get my Father out of his situation as soon as I can. I've been researching options, but figured I'd ask a potentially great reservoir of experiences.
Potentially relevant info: Have a sizable down payment ready, in the US. | Is there any effective clean my credit quickly, or how long until the rating reported by the agencies websites is reflected by the rating used by loan officers? |
t3_2k1y1c | relationships | Me [23 M] with my girlfriend [22 F] of 6 years, the only girlfriend I've had. And now we are done. | We just broke up.
I'm kind of a mess right now, so I'm really sorry if this isn't structured.
She's cheated on me in the past, and I forgave her. Then she started talking to some guy a few months ago. But recently, blocked all contact from him because she wanted to be with me. Turns out they kissed a few times.
Clearly she isn't stable, and I know this relationship is toxic. After dealing with someone cheating, and trying to work the trust up again, I know when enough is enough.
I just don't know where to go from here. I feel incredibly alone. All my friends are doing their own thing. None of my friends even know my relationship has been rocky for the past few years.
I'm miserable. I would really just like someone to talk to. | I found out my girlfriend who has cheated on me in the past also kissed another guy "a few times" recently. It's done. I'm incredibly alone. |
t3_2vj1ar | relationships | I [17F] am jealous of my SO's [18M] ex [18F]. 10 months. | My boyfriend James and I have been together for just over 10 months. Before we started seeing each other, he was with another girl, Kate. He and Kate were together for about 2 months before they broke up. However, following the break up they remained friends with benefits for 2, maybe 3 months.
Throughout my relationship with James, he and Kate have remained friends. I'm okay with this because I trust him 100% and Kate is very nice and very sweet. We have never clashed or had any issues. The only problem is Kate has cheated in her past relationships. I would never accuse her of attempting to try anything with James, but just knowing that she has been known to cheat makes me a bit uncomfortable.
My issue is this: I don't want to come across as rude or controlling by asking James to limit how much time he spends with Kate, because they don't really see each other that often. They never hang out alone because I have already expressed my discomfort towards that. However, knowing that Kate is leagues above me (she's gorgeous, outgoing and more into parties than me), I can't help but feel threatened by her previous relationship with my James, even though it was much shorter and less serious than mine.
I prefer being included when they are hanging out together with other friends, but this isn't always possible as they are both a year ahead of me (graduated) and I spend my time at school. I also don't want to be clingy because I respect the need for friendships. I don't want to ruin their friendship because the only cause for the uneasiness that I feel regarding Kate is due to my own insecurities. I just want to know if there is any way that I can keep this jealousy under control.
Are there any tips that you guys could share with me to help me feel less jealous of Kate? I know communication is key in relationships but as this isn't an issue of James spending too much time with other people, I want to deal with it myself. I know it's not a healthy way of thinking and I'm just looking for advice on how I can keep my jealousy in order. Thanks | I'm jealous of my SO's ex even though there is no "threat". Just looking for advice on coping with irrational jealousy. |
t3_1avrkh | relationships | how to prep for 4 months in an LDR? [f20] [m20] | hey r/relationships!
I'm a uni student [f20] with a lovely partner[m20] who goes to the same school as me. problem is, coming up this summer we'll be spending 4 months apart, as we live in different provinces. (yay Canada!)
**Background**: We've been best friends since Sept 2011, dating for 5 months now. things are great and wonderful and while it's going to suck being 3000+ km away from each other, i'm sure things will be okay, just lonely.
**Problem**:I have a tendency to distance myself from my friends about a month before going home, just because i get really lonely at home and it's worse when i'm intensely missing someone. I don't really think this is helpful, especially in a relationship. On the flip side, i don't want to spend too much time together and a) irritate him or b) make myself miss him more when we have to part.
I will be asking my partner what he thinks, but right now we're both bogged down with assignments and i don't think now would be the right time to try to discuss something like this. For the record, we spend a lot of time together (4 nights a week and see each other almost every day, with a few classes together) and the month before we leave to go home is exam break, meaning completely free days aside from exams and studying. I really just want to make the transition as easy as i can, because i know i'll be missing him like crazy over the summer. I'm planning on flying out to see him for a week, but from April 28-late August that'll be the only in-person time we'll have.
**Question**:So, Reddit, what is the best way to get ready for four months apart? Should we try to spend as much time together as we can? or try to ease ourselves into not seeing each other as much? | Partner and I will be doing an LDR over the summer. What's the best way to prepare for this, space beforehand or lots of time spent together? |
t3_3hhw7g | relationships | Me [23 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] of a month, I tend to overthink things and it gets the best of me. | So after 6 years of being single and a couple girls who didn't want a relationship, I've found myself in a relationship once more. The only problem is that I'm unsure of how to go about being in one.
How much hanging out is too much? Am I being overbearing for wanting to see her often? I don't know! Two of my best friends passed away last year, and my other moved out of state, so I've felt kind of alone. Its nice to have someone that I don't feel alone with, but I don't want to take things too fast, ya know?
It seems like its going well, I really enjoy spending time with her and hanging out with her friends, and they all seem to like me quite a bit, but there's a part of me that can't help but think that its all just a passing fancy. I've been trying to just ignore those thoughts and enjoy the ride with the hopes that those intrusive thoughts go away eventually.
I figure the best way to go about it is to just be myself and not worry because if she didn't want this she wouldn't be in a relationship with me. I just want to change that part of me that worries all the time. | I tend to overthink things and doubt myself, and I'm worried that I'll mess things up. Any suggestions? |
t3_52x3mi | relationships | My [28 M] Girlfriend [28 F] of one year has anxiety she will not address | I've been with my girlfriend a little over one year. We currently live together. When we started dating she confided in me she has some anxiety issues, especially made worse by her unemployment.
As we got to know each other better and moved in together, more and more issues began presenting, all of which were manageable by both of us without much of an issue and everything has been great.
She lost her insurance coverage several months ago. As a result, she would wake up with anxiety attacks in the middle of the night after having sex, worried she was pregnant. We always used condoms and pull out but no other birthcontrol as she has had issues with it in the past. We decided to stop having sex until she could get insurance, that was several months ago now. I have mentioned applying for Medicaid to help with her health needs, but she refused. This has been a huge drain on the relationship for me but it doesn't seem to bother her.
Even more recently she had to cancel a trip because her anxiety about traveling was too much. This was the first time we were going to travel together. I went anyways because I had obligations and this led to some huge fights. I asked if she would consider therapy or medication and she took it as a personal attack. Eventually she agreed to try therapy if I paid for it out of pocket but she said she wouldn't be happy about it and I fear she will resent me for it. She adamantly refuses to take any medications of any kind as well.
I love her madly but do not know what to do at this point. I'm looking towards my future and I don't know if this can work out long term. Additionally, I'm not being as comforting as I once was, which I feel terrible about, but I'm hitting the end of my rope. Any help or advice for those who have been through similar situations? | Girlfriend has issues that she does not want to acknowledge and I don't know if I can handle it long term. |
t3_4dtygn | relationships | My (29/f) homophobic mother (61/f) hates my fiancee (29/f), said some shitty things to her, my fiancee now wants to reconsider our engagement | My mother is still homophobic (a Korean immigrant to the US). She is "accepting" but hates that I am gay and hates my fiancee with a vengeance (my fiancee is white doesn't help either). Yesterday night at our apartment my mother was over for dinner and she tore my fiancee apart to where my fiancee was crying after my mother left.
She made my fiancee feel like shit. She kept implying that I could do better, could be with better women (even though she wants me to be with men??). She said I deserve a woman who graduated from an ivy league university like me, made as much money as me, somebody who was my "equal". She heavily implied that my future kids could be very smart and successful if I married somebody smarter.
This is bullshit. My fiancee is amazingly intelligent. She graduated from a top 20 school with honors, has a career she is devoted to (even if non-profits might not make the most money), and is one of the most capable and good human beings I know.
My fiancee wants to retalk about and reconsider our engagement. She brought up that she does feel inferior in our relationship, that I sometimes make her feel dumb, that she feels like it does bother her that she's not able to contribute as much finnacially as i am which she KNOWS doesn't bother me.
What the hell is going on?!? My fiancee has never talked seriously about these issues in the past. It seems like she is trying to find things wrong with our relationship because what my mother said bothered her. | My homophobic mother hates my fiancee, said some shitty things to her, now my fiancee wants to reconsider our engagement |
t3_1gmtpe | dating_advice | Need Help Making a Move (My First 2nd Date) & Being Unnecessarily Doubtful | Last month, I (22M) met a shy Asian girl (25F) at a dinner party and managed to hit it off with her, getting her # by the end of the night. We had our 1st date last week and I think it went well. I complimented her, did some light kino (shoulder touch) just to build some more attraction. Despite doing this, I'm still quite inexperienced.
These past few days, I feel mixed (like it's too good to be true) b/c on the date, 1: She said whenever you're free, call me. 2: Whenever I talked to her, she would have her eyes focused intently on me. 3: I made her laugh a handful of times without trying. 4: After, I texted her saying, "Thanks for coming out. I hope you had a good time." and she responded, "I did, indeed. :)". It's strange to me b/c I'm just not used to this, lol.
I would've asked her out already today, but she didn't pick up. I do plan on taking her out to walk/shop around a really nice mall and get dinner at the end. The only thing that I'm troubled with is making the move. How do I initiate it? Do I just extend my hand? Is it that simple? I'm confident in my talking, but it's just the physical intimacy that I'm not used to.
I am also a bit nervous about potentially kissing her at the end of the night (okay, I've never been kissed before). I'm just running situations in my head and it's driving me nuts. | Never been kissed. Clueless about how to get closer to her on the second date. Slightly doubtful (due to past failed experiences), yet optimistic about potential relationship. |
t3_4pcue3 | Dogtraining | Hiring kikopup vs a certified trainer? | Hey guys,
I am looking into hiring a trainer/behaviorist for my brother's large dog. The dog mainly just has a bad temperament and can be difficult to handle because there are things he doesn't like, and if you were to push him he would probably bite. This extends from things like petting when he doesn't want to be pet, to taking care of wounds. He also has to be told to get in his crate in a certain way or he will hide under the table, where I am quite sure he would bite if we tried to pull him out. He's a very particular dog and there are things that he is very sensitive to, and we would like to learn the best way to handle this and reduce his sensitivity.
I live in San Diego and was very excited to learn Kikopup from youtube lives here as well, since the industry is not very well regulated. I emailed her and we talked back and forth, and she said it is a difficult issue but she can help us work on it. I asked whether she had any certifications, however, and she said no. She gave me a link with people in the area who are certified and have been vetted by person who made the list, so there are those as options, however since I have seen her work on youtube I feel decently comfortable with her.
Anyone have advice on who to hire? I feel as if her not being certified isn't a big deal, but I'd like second opinions. | Should I hire Kikopup to help with my finicky/aggressive dog even though she has no certifications, or hire someone certified? |
t3_11070f | relationships | I[24M] broke up with my girlfriend [23f] several months ago. Still experiencing fallout, mostly due to me. Details inside. | Dated a girl for 6 years exclusively. Broke up for a variety of reasons, none of which were baleful, and the separation was mutual. Of course, being together for 6 years, we're best friends; I can talk to her about anything and the conversation flows perfectly.
She moved to the opposite side of the country post-breakup. I live in LA, where finding friends is...difficult. LA is a very lonely city, beyond superficial interactions, and it always has been. She moved to where she doesnt know anyone, in Pennsylvania.
So we're both lonely. We both try to keep busy and to focus our energy elsewhere, but we're both lonely and both still in love with each other. Occasionally I'll go home for family reasons to Ohio, and she'll make the commute to meet me. We'll hang out and have fun and have sex - the friendship/sex combination has been a part of our relationship since before we started dating, a sort of 'im hot, youre hot, lets fuck' situation.
Everything's been good. I've visited home a few times, and we've been good at compartmentalizing our physical flings away from our friendship, but something came up last week; I mentioned our traditional sexual encounter, and she replied with 'I dont want to if you're seeing someone else' which is a perfectly valid and respectable stance. But has raised some conflict.
At which point do I stop giving deference to her? She is my best friend, and probably the best lay of my life. She will get upset if I refuse her sex, as that constitutes admission that I'm seeing someone else, and will damage the friendship that I value so highly because LA is a smoking wasteland where meaningful interactions go to die. But I also recognize it's highly manipulative - she knows I value the friendship. And she knows by taking this stance, she is manipulating my behavior, because we're still in love with each other.
Because we're friends, we still talk pretty often - at least once a week. | Still in love with ex, ex still in love with me, wanted to maintain friendship, but our sexual independence from one another is making a mess of things |
t3_1td6st | relationships | I [18F] will be away from my boyfriend [20] for a month. Unsure of how to handle it. | My boyfriend and I have been dating since the start of the semester, roughly three months now, and we've spent a large chunk of that together. The longest that we've gone without seeing each other was a week and that was horrible because I didn't know how to act and spent a majority of the time telling him how much I missed him and getting really emotional. I really like this guy.
I'm not really like that though, and I don't want a month of tears and lovey dovey texts that lack conversation. It's been two days now that we've been separated, and there's been a few I miss yous but mostly I've dealt with it better. I am, however, scared of falling back into the emotional mess that I was before.
How do I keep the relationship strong despite the distance (without telling him how much I like him every five seconds)? Are there anyways to actually make it fun to apart? And lastly, any recommendations as to how to handle the waves of intense missing him that I get, especially at night when I have nothing to distract me? | Won't be seeing my boyfriend for a month. How do I keep the relationship strong despite the distance? Are there anyways to actually make it fun to apart? How do I handle the waves of intense missing him that I get? |
t3_jemhk | dating_advice | I'm female & bi...have a friend I "like" coming over for a movie tonight, nervous as hell. Need advice. | I hope this is the right place to ask this...I have a bit of a unique situation.
I'm 30 YO, and my friend is 33 YO (female also). She's showed definite interest in me (we've gone out a few times to shows, dinner, went camping last weekend and she gave me a quick kiss) so that isn't the problem. The problem is I don't know how to make a move on her.
When she is forward, I tend to be shy/introverted. I don't want her to lose interest in me or think I don't like her because she isn't very interested in "sub" girls, but I have so far been too shy and nervous to flirt openly with her.
I want to change this, but I'm not sure how to overcome my anxiety about it.
She's coming over to watch a movie tonight at my place. I tried flirting with her a little over text messages, but she wasn't very responsive. I'm not sure if that is her just wanting me to "work" harder for her attention, or if she isn't that into the idea of us fooling around during the movie.
Additionally, I'm married (to a man) and we have an open relationship. He is interested in her also, and they have plans to play video games at our place tomorrow night, while I am out with another friend. They (my husband and my friend) exchanged some messages earlier in the week and she was much more flirty with him (I'm pretty sure they may have sex, I know she is open to it), but he says it took him a while of flirting with her to get her to start responding in that way, so I'm trying not to be jealous or interpret it wrongly.
I'm looking for the best way to make a first move, or to judge her reactions/see if she really wants me to move forward. I'm typically very shy and passive, and it's hard for me to make a move.
I know there must be plenty of advice on here about this...but | I'm interested in a girl who I am 98% sure is interested in me, but not sure how to make a move without getting intimidated/shy/chickening out. |
t3_3fjm2p | AskDocs | Stye-like issue with my eye. | Hey r/AskDocs, need a little help. I've had a stye like bump on my eye for a few months now. It look just like a stye.. redness with a little bump, which I've had in the past. The difference is, a little time with a warm washcloth on the eye has gotten rid of it in the past, but thats not working this time.
Normally I would just run into the clinic, but unfortunately I was recently laid off and without benefits, so Im not ready for huge medical bills coming out of my pocket.
Im not sure at this point what it is, hoping its minor.. maybe just a clogged tear duct? Any ideas about what it may be, or how to treat it myself would be GREATLY appreciated. If you think its something I really need to get checked out right away (before I can find another job with medical) let me know that as well. | Stye-like issue with my eye that wont go away (3 or so months now). Laid-off = no benefits, so I'd like to treat it myself if I can. |
t3_2lxree | relationships | My (25f) girlfriend has been talking a lot with her new male coworker. I (26m) got suspicious and stupidly snooped through her social media accounts. | I found a message from one of her friends that said some stuff that leads me to think she's debating leaving me for him. Some of the key notes were "it's totally understandable to desire something more or different" and "I'm not saying give up or anything" and "he pushed you to these feelings." Among some other things. She has assured me he's just a friend and she's just trying to make new friends since she moved out of state to be with me.
I also discovered that apparently our relationship hasn't been doing too well. I'm currently unemployed and searching for a new job, so I always assumed she was stressed over that. She hasn't expressed being unhappy with me. I'm not sure how to go from here. I want to bring this up to her, but I know she'll (rightfully so) get pissed at me for snooping through her things. I've never had a habit of snooping but I just had a feeling, and apparently I was right. How do I address this situation without making it worse? | girlfriend has been talking to coworker a lot, I got suspicious and snooped, need advice on my next step. |
t3_4r86qt | relationships | I [22 M] have been feeling distant from my [23 F] gf of 2 years, now she has male flat mates | Hi r/relationships,
My gf of 2 years and I are currently long distance (we were together for one year and then went to different grad schools). We have seen each other four times for 1-2 weeks at a time in the past 10 months. At first we skyped almost every day. As we both adjusted to the new situation skype became less frequent, that was fine because we were both making new friends and adjusting to the new situation.
Currently we skype every couple weeks for anywhere from twenty minutes to two hours. We also text a lot during the day. Basically I have been feeling more distant lately, like I don't really know much about her life anymore. She mentions doing something with a friend, and I ask how she met them, and she seems annoyed and will say "we've been friends for weeks - I told you about them", when I know she never did.
Today we skyped for about twenty minutes for the first time in a week, and she mentions having a bbq tonight with her new flat mates and their friends. I said "oh fun, I didn't know you got new flat mates" and she informed me they moved in a week ago and are both male. She had to go so we did not talk about it any more yet
This is the embodiment of how I have been feeling. Not only did she not mention getting new flat mates, showing that I am disconnected from her life, but they are both male which is something I would have like to talk with her about before hand (I probably would have been fine with it, but I think as a serious boyfriend that is something she should have brought up to me).
What should I do? I really love this girl, but I feel like the relationship has slowly eroded away from distance. She will be moving closer in about 5 months (still long distance but close enough for weekend visits). | Long distance relationship has felt more and more distant. Girlfriend mentions she has new male flat mates out of nowhere and I feel like this opened my eyes to how far we've grown apart. |
t3_4j84u4 | AskDocs | itching sensation on back. Doc is now saying it could be a tumor? | I'm a generally healthy 26 yo white male. 6'0, 189 pounds, very active
I've seen several doctors for what has been a mild itching sensation in my right mid-lower back going all the way back to Thanksgiving of last year. All my blood tests are normal. No food allergies. Two doctors have examined the area and diagnosed me with hives and have tried to treat it with steroids and antihistamines with no avail.
It's an itching/tingling sensation, but I don't need to scratch the area. It is on and off, but can sometimes get very bothersome and last for up to ten minutes at a time.
Recently, on a separate matter, I found out I have cervical kyphosis with asymmetric right paracentral protrusion resulting in mild right central stenosis. So, a bulging disc in my neck.
Regarding the itch, I finally couldn't take it anymore one day, and I went to an urgent care facility with paperwork from all my previous doc visits. He told me it definitely wasn't hives and I should get an MRI of the area. He said it could either be related to the stenosis from a bulged disc or it could even be a tumor.
The thought of a tumor of course freaks me out, so I'm looking for any advice as I await for my upcoming MRI. My cousin is a chiropractor and she said that normally stenosis from the bulged disc from c5-c6 doesn't affect the thoracic spine which is where my issue is at. So that is a little upsetting. Anyway, I'd appreciate any thoughts or advice. Best. | While waiting for an upcoming MRI, I'm freaking out that this itching sensation in my mid-lower right back could be a tumor. |
t3_2y95kb | relationships | I [24M] am more invested in our relationship than my girlfriend [20F] and I want to change | Girlfriend and I have been going out for 3 months now. She is my first girlfriend.
Since she is my first girlfriend, I find myself overly invested in her. All of this is new to me and I'm enjoying it. First confession. First date. First kiss. First PIV. Oh the butterflies.
She would be a priority in my life. I'd forego hanging out with friends, working out, or eating dinner to spend more time with her.
Of course, for her it's not the same case. I'm her fourth boyfriend. She balances spending time with me and with her friends. She keeps her priorities straight when it comes to school, work, and me.
But more than that, I'm a second thought at times. While hanging out at a cafe, I'll buy two slices of cake for us to enjoy. Then she'll buy two scones, one for her and one to take back home to her brother.
While on dates, she'll have just as much conversation with me as she does texting her friends.
When I'm hanging out with her and her friends, I'm essentially ignored. It won't occur to her to include me in their conversations. Those times are especially awkward.
-----
I want to change that. I want her to be less of a priority in my life. I want to pick up hobbies and make new friends.
I've sorted out some of my priorities. I'm eating dinner again. Working out again. Doing well in my studies. My friends remember what I look like.
But I also want to be a higher priority for her. More than a second thought. I don't want to seem needy, but I do feel neglected at times.
As this is my first relationship, I don't know whether the problem lies with me or her. | She's my first girlfriend. I feel neglected. Not sure if it's because I truly am being neglected or I just don't know how to boyfriend. |
t3_1s9jk8 | jobs | Seeking opinions on whether I'm about to get laid off | Some minor history: I have been employed by a large company for over 13 years. In 2008 the local office, at which I was a supervisor, closed and I was given the option to work from home. I accepted and have done so ever since. I was transitioned to hourly (non-exempt) in 2010, though my pay was protected. After the office closure all of positions were moved to the HQ in GA.
Cut to last Wednesday (day before Thanksgiving): I receive a call from my manager telling me that because I was no longer Exempt I would be moving into the local district office instead of working out of my home office. This is a new manager who took over after a large office closure in CT (similar to what happened in 2008, with all of the accounts again moving to GA). She also stated that the company was no longer willing to pay for the VPN as one of the other reasons for this change.
This immediately set off alarm bells and I started thinking that this was the 'first step' in a lay-off action. I've since made all of my appointments for this month (dr., dentist, eyes) and worked up a contingency budget for my household if this did occur.
On Monday I will be going into the office for the first time in 5 years and at some point a truck will be coming by to pick up all of the office equipment and filing stuff I was given for my home office.
/r/jobs what do you think? Am I in line for a lay-off or should I not be concerned?
Thanks for your opinions! | After 5 years of working from home I'm going back into the office & I'm wondering if this is going to end up in a lay-off. |
t3_3tv3t8 | relationship_advice | My [20m] girlfriend [20f] of about a year spent the couple years before me as a wild party chick and that stresses me out | It's a bit hard to explain my feelings. Basically my girlfriend spent the end of high school and beggining of college sowing her wild oats. She was drunk most of the time, did a lot of drugs, and slept with kind of a lot of guys. She was largely influenced by her siblings (who are still like that today)
She's not like that now. Now she's everything I could ever ask for. She's sweet and caring and smart and all that good stuff. My problem is that whenever that unapatizing time in her life comes up in the conversation, I have a hard time not getting all morose about it. I'm a calm, peace-loving, salt of the earth type person, so the party girl isn't all that attractive to me. So what are some thoughts I can switch to, rather than dwelling on the past? Peoples favorite thing to tell me is to not judge her and just get over it and stuff. I'm not judging her, we're all just people. But I can't get over it without someone else's wise words to reflect on. | I stress about my girlfriend's wild past and need some wise words to reflect on to help me live with it a tad easier |
t3_2q7vhx | books | How do I become a better reader? | Hey all,
I used to be a really avid reader when I was a kid. Then I got a new job that requires a lot of hours and hard work, and stopped reading for a while, but now I'm trying to get back into it again. Trouble is, when I was a kid, I'd either read books below my skill level and not be challenged or read books above my skill level and skim through them without really being challenged. Now that I'm starting to read actual adult books, I'm finding it hard to get through them. I feel like my attention span is too short, and my eyes are just moving past the words without fully comprehending them. I often have to read each sentence five or six times without really understanding it, and when I have to do that with every sentence, I find it hard to stay invested and enjoy the read. I don't want to downgrade to easier books because I don't want to be restrained to only reading easy books. I've tried reading a few books that I'm really interested in (*The Jesus Papers*, *The Portrait of Dorian Gray*, and a couple others) and it's really hard to get through them even though I want to read them. Am I just not smart enough for these kinds of books?
Thanks for your advice, sorry for the long-winded post. | I feel like I'm not smart enough to read books I want to read, and I don't know how to make myself a better reader. |
t3_zfk3m | loseit | Don't judge/compare yourself against others. Especially endomorphs | This is just a brief description if you don't know what I'm talking about as far as body types:
Some of the transformations you see are literally because that person has better genes than another. It doesn't mean they didn't work hard, but it's also something to keep in mind when you are getting discouraged. Yes, they could go from flab to fab in 3 months and it could take you 3 years with stricter diet and exercise.
I've been seeing a lot of people talking about how reddit and bullies are negatively enforcing certain habits. It's the internet and advice is only a tool. It's up to each person to take whatever information they want and to apply it to how **they** see fit. Research can show coffee is bad one day and a super bean the next. The real motivation I think people get her is purely inspirational. Fitness is also controversial because it's hard to prove one method is better than another especially with different body types. Personal Trainers aren't any better even if they train you perfectly it's up to the client to eat a respectable diet on top of their training.
The take away from this post is that people are confusing the goal of the loseit community. They think they're going to find some weight loss secret or XYZ. Yes, there is definitely advice on those things, but you could also get that off a dvd or in a book. Why did you come to the interwebz? The community is the most important part. Sharing stories and becoming motivated to make personal changes.
This whole side-rant goes back to the idea of accountability. I have my own flaws like everyone else... I don't weigh myself hardly ever, but I do look at myself in the mirror quite often. I'm not only looking at the things I need to improve, but the success I've already made. It's what I need to avoid being complacent. | Reddit is a community and when applied is a tool. A tool cannot be inherently good or bad, but it's the person who uses said tool that makes that decision. |
t3_22vrfg | dating_advice | (22M) Looking to date a woman of close age, but I have a few complications. | I am super interested in this girl and would like to get to know her better and go out with her, but I have a few problems slowing me down a little.
I waited until I was 18 to even get my driver's license because I leave the house so little. I never payed attention to roads or anything growing up (stupid of me) and I almost never go more than 10-15 minutes away from my home. The problem is, everything decent is about 45 minutes away from my house in a bigger city area that is completely foreign to me. I never drive there and I have no idea where anything is. I would need a GPS to navigate anything there. This is my problem. She lives closer to this area and often drives through it while I never do. So any potential dating location I could take her to would involve embarrassingly pulling out a GPS to get there and meet her, or if I were to pick her up, it would be even worse. What can I do? Alternatives? Advice of any kind is welcome.
On top of this, I am in no way confident in my driving skills, under stress I drive much worse than normal so on top of not knowing my area but also potentially having a very attractive girl in the car with me would kill any road awareness I would have left. | I want to date this girl or at least get to know her, but I cannot drive well and live 45 minutes away from any dating locations. I also don't know the area at all and would need a gps to navigate. |
t3_1k2bj5 | relationship_advice | I [F19] and falling for a friend [m23] and I don't know if he feels the same way | I met this guy through a mutual friend a few months ago. He lives in my city, but I've only ever met him (in person) twice. However, we talk online nearly every day. I know he's single, and I know he's very outgoing, especially when it comes to women. I'm not exactly shy myself, but I have very little experience when it comes to dating, and I'm completely oblivious when it comes flirting (and I avoid chick flicks like the plague, so the only on-screen relationships I have for "inspiration" are Han and Leia-esque ones). What I'm saying is, how do I tell if this guy in interested in me? And how do I know he's not chatting to a bunch of other girls while he's also chatting to me?
We have a hell of a lot in common, but these days our conversations are getting pretty strained and sometimes I get the feeling he doesn't want to talk to me, even when it's him who started the conversation. His replies basically just consist of an emoticon or one or two words. That being said, I'm terrible at judging people's emotions IRL, so I'm probably just being stupid here.
I've considered asking him out for a pint (or even just for a cup of tea) a few times, but I always chicken out. | Falling for really friendly/outgoing friend. Don't know if he's interested. Pulling my hair out in frustration (giggity) |
t3_44cs42 | relationships | I'm [23/M] worried I fucked up a new relationship with a crush [20/F] by sleeping with a casual date early in our relationship. Possible self-sabotage and guilt situation. | I met a girl, lets call her Kelly, on Tinder a couple weeks ago. Things went well, we went on several dates and got along pretty well. This was a pretty casual relationship with no talk of exclusivity or anything as well.
A week ago I met another girl (Anne) from one of my classes that I had a crush on for a whole year. We hit it off and end up going on a couple dates. The problem starts here, I invited Kelly to a party earlier in the week and I'm unsure of what to do and end up taking Kelly and we sleep together that night. The next morning I feel incredibly guilty and end up ending things with Kelly because things are getting out of hand. This is my first time dating casually also.
Now Anne doesn't know about my earlier relationship, and I'm feeling incredibly guilty for having been with someone during our first 2 dates. We haven't slept together or had a talk about expectations, but I don't know if I should tell her or what but the guilt is wracking my brain. I apologize for grammar, I didn't sleep super well. | Casually dating one girl for 2 weeks, leads to sex, realize I like the new girl more and end things with the other girl and guilt ensues. |
t3_t0m2v | BreakUps | I just found out my ex is engaged to the girl he was cheating on me with. I know he's a d-bag, but I still feel terrible about it. Any ideas why I would be feeling this way? How does one get over such a thing? | the back story: both in our late 20's, he and i were dating for 2.5 years. we lived on the north east coast, he got a job transfer and we moved together across the country. I went to go spend some time with family for a little bit while looking for a job. After two months, he breaks up with me.
A side note is that i had also covered all our moving expenses, bought major appliances for our house, paid the rental deposits up front, basically everything, upon the agreement that he would pay me back his share once he started getting paid (i had saved all my money before the move, he didnt). he breaks up with me, i say ok, pay me now, asshat. he doesnt. i sue him, i win. he also gets evicted from the house we rented together, thankfully i took my name off the lease way before that.
ffwd a year-ish.. i get an email from his new girlfriend asking me some bs about if he ever cheated on me because she is now worried that he is. after trading info, we both realize that he cheated on me with her. it hurt, but he's no longer my problem.
I happened to indirectly find out through a mutual friend that he is now engaged to this girl. i know.. this guy is a real winner.. but it stings that he is with her. and also that im still single. and i just turned 31.
any advice on how to get over this stupid shit? because, lets be honest, its stupid. but i cant help feeling shitty. | dumb ass ex getting married. awesome single gal here, feeling shitty about it.. WHAAAAAYYYYY? HALP. |
t3_4iwy2w | relationships | Me [25 M] with my Gf [25F] 7 months, was nude in front of her ex | During the first few months of dating her and her ex were hanging out and she went for a shower before they went out somewhere. Her ex was playing with her cats in her room and she walked in naked not knowing he was in there. She tried to cover up the best she could and he handed her something she was coming in the room for.
She came clean about it... but I don't know if I should just break it off or stay because things are going well now. She also during this period didn't tell me she was hanging out with him cause she was afraid I'd be jealous/mad. She is now wanting to be transparent. Has the damage already been done? | ex saw gf naked during the first couple months of being exclusive. only coming clean months later that they were hanging out. not sure if I should stay or go. |
t3_3lbmp6 | relationships | The girl [24F] I'm [25M] dating wants me to engage in her fetish. | Bear with me.
I started dating this wonderful girl two months ago. We share very common interests; we love being around each other. When I first started dating her, she mentioned that she did have an odd fetish - I was thinking, "OH, she's probably into BDSM or something like that." She asked if I'd be willing to try it, and I, thinking that it wouldn't be too weird, said, "Sure! But let's get to know each other first, okay?" like a sex-crazed idiot.
Anyways, we date, everything goes *great.* We have sex a good bit; I haven't really been sexually active until now but it's going good.
The other day, she mentioned something to me about the fetish. I had forgotten about it, and so I asked her what she had in mind. She told me she likes anal and fecal play. As in my anal and her fecal. I'm not saying people that like that are bad, but it has made me see her in a different light. I told her no, she said, "But you said.." and we got aggravated at one another. The dust settled and we chilled out, but the other day, I saw little baggies of her turds in the freezer. I am concerned that either she is getting her fix somewhere else, or she's going to force me to do that with her.
I like her a lot - I'm emotionally invested in her. This has caused me to take a step back. Should I just grin and bear it, or should I call the relationship off? | Girl's odd fetish is turning me off. Should I break it off with her, even though I like her a lot? |
t3_swnpt | AskReddit | Please help Reddit! Looking for Hangover Cure. | I am pretty sure I didn't dream this.
I saw a thread whilst drunk about a hangover cure in pink packaging. I believe it was from Germany? The author and everyone else who had used it concurred it worked very well. I cannot remember the name of it for the life of me! Search bar has shown no results thus far :(
Also I believe I recall a name along the lines of Kayley Kite? The original post included an "all the things" meme of buying all the..... Kayley Kite???
Reddit I am sure one of you will remember or know of the answer and I would love to know it because now I am not sure if it was just me dreaming! | I am looking for a hangover cure in pink packaging perhaps named something along the lines of "Kayley Kite"? |
t3_dp2su | AskReddit | I don't want IMDB (or any page) to display movie titles (or whatever) in my language, but in English, I'm not using the local site. Please help. | So, I just found out that I don't see the movie titles in English [here] although I obviously am on the international page.
Why the fuck do websites do this shit to me?
I want to see everything that is English in English.
For instance, the imdb.com page and its contents.
Why can't I?
There must be a way, otherwise they wouldn't offer me a whole page in my language, right? Would be useless if everything already were like that on the .com page.
Oh guys, sorry for the rant, but I hate this shit.
I hope you can help me, redditeurs.
No proxy shit please, that's inconvenient.
And, of course, my browser's language is set to English and even my OS and everything on my computer is set to English. So...
BTW: This goes for all websites, if there's a trick. It used to be really nice with Google, the browser language was enough. But they changed stuff and now google.com redirects me to my local google unless I click a link somewhere.
But still, many of the first hits when I search something aren't English. There are, but not as many as there used to be.
Well, sorry I couldn't keep this short. HELP ME. | I want to stop IMDB (and other pages) from showing me shit in my local language instead of English (especially when I'm on the English page) or forcing me on a local page instead of the international one. |
t3_1h09q9 | relationship_advice | I need advice....(16/m and 16/f) | We first dated about a year ago. She was waaaaaaaaay out of my league and pretty much perfect (in my eyes). Unfortunately that only lasted for about a month (until finals). She said she was too stressed to be 'more than friends', so I let her go. We talked over the summer and hung out every once in a while, but things didn't really get serious again. Things died down during the school year and we stopped talking, but last week she texted me out of the blue and said she wanted to hang out more. I figured it was too good to be true and said I was too busy to. She was the best thing to happen to me and I don't know what I was thinking. Help? ( | We dated, she friend-zoned me. About a year later she wants to start hanging out again. I said I didn't want to, but now I do.) |
t3_2to9yd | relationships | I [21M] have told a girl [23F] I really like a fake name, how do I break this? | Hi, throwaway and slightly changed facts since she browses here.
Well I started talking to this girl on a dating website with this really old account I had from before that I just used to get laid, so I had a fake name on that profile for.. security reasons (some people are just crazy scary).
And well, now I've grown very interested in her and she seems to be very into me as well.
We talked very short on the website before exchanging Kiks, Skype and all that, so I actually didn't know until this night when she said good night and made a corny reference to my fake name. And so it hit me like a bowling ball.
We've met RL as well but never really called each other by our names you know (in my country you really never do unless it's very formal)
So how do I tell her that I'm actually called something else entirely?
I'm afraid that she will just think that I was going to use her for sex but got feelings or something, I really don't know what to do. | Dating a girl that doesn't know my real name, only a fake, how do I tell it without hurting her? |
t3_va39j | relationship_advice | Need advice on whether or not to try to contact a girl... | Okay so I recently moved to a new town and don't have very many people to hang out with. There's a coffee shop that I kept going to for about a month or two and there was a cute girl that always kept a conversation going with me. She had a bunch of aspect about her I liked and she even somehow seemed nervous around me! But anyways the last time I saw her I was in a hurry and as she was putting the cash in the register I just walked away and said "Thank you, keep the change!" She looked a liittle disappointed. But anyways ever since then I haven't seen her there. I never asked her out because I was waiting to start my new job first. Maybe I'm just incredibly unlucky and she changed her work schedule and I happen to not go every day she works.
So what I'm wondering is if I should ask the other baristas about her? Maybe see if she just started working at another coffee shop? I'm really bummed out that I missed my chance to ask her out. I should have done it sooner. And I'm not sure if asking about her is kind of weird... For some reason we never exchanged names completely. So I'd probably just be asking about "the redhead that used to work here". Is that weird? | Don't know if I should ask the workers at a coffee shop where a girl that doesn't work there anymore went. |
t3_23hpvh | relationships | My [19M] girlfriend [19F] may be about to flunk out. How do I ease her fear? | I'm not sure if this is the proper subreddit, but here goes anyway. If you can think of a better subreddit, please tell me.
My girlfriend [19f] and I [19m] are attending a fairly strict engineering school. She has a project that got destroyed and her team will have a week to rebuild and test it. I estimate they have about a 70% chance of success.
If it is not a success, she will undoubtedly fail the course. Failing this particular course would at the very least force her to take another year to graduate, and could also very likely simply cause her to get kicked out. It isn't that she's not cut out for this though: if it is a success, I'm sure she will have no trouble graduating on time.
Obviously this means she is about to be in for a huge amount of work and an even greater amount of stress, since this one project will have direct impact on the course of her life. (And mine as well, because if she does flunk out it would force our relationship to be long distance at the very best.)
My question is, how do I help her through this? As far as the project goes, the best I can do is chip in money for parts. Otherwise, I am limited to trying to assuage her worries so she can do her best work. Of course I will tell her that I am available to help in any way. But beyond that:
What can I say? Do I just say, "Everything will work out?" Is that enough, given that her fears are actually justified? Do I try to tell her things will be alright even if she fails, that she can take another year? Would that just stress her out more by making her think even more about the possible consequences?
What can I do? What random acts of kindness might help? Should I shower her in a constant stream of chocolates and berries and affectionate notes? (And if so, what reassuring things would the notes say?)
Although I'm not under nearly the pressure she is, I'm feeling really anxious and *really* impotent. Any advice would be very greatly appreciated! | What can I say and do to relax and help my girlfriend, given that she has a legitimate chance of failure in the next week that would mean flunking out of school? |
t3_16bqj9 | offmychest | I read the AskReddit thread about Divorced redditors (Happy offmychest, for a change) | I read this comment:
"Just think to yourself. "Do i want to marry this person?", "Do i really want to settle down and have kids with this person" "Am i willing to share everything i own with this person". Think long and hard and you will know your choice"
I went out at the weekend and I met someone who made me feel really happy and it worried me a little about my relationship. But reading that comment made me feel so secure and happy, because I *know* absolutely that the guy I'm dating is the one I want to marry, the one I want to wake up next to in 50 years time and discuss our Magic cards and our hypothetical grandkids. I want to grow old with him, be a team with him and generally just say "yes" when he asks me to marry him.
I was so panicked that I was having doubts, that I was doing wrong. But it was just the huge amount of stress and alcohol and barely any contact for 2 weeks with my SO because of holidays etc. | had that "yes" moment, where I knew I wanted to marry my SO, after a week of feeling weird about it. |
t3_2ts0p6 | relationships | Should I (M16) text a girl F(16) that I don't know. | The girl's best friend is my best friend's girlfriend. Her best friend thinks me and this girl would be really cute together. She keeps pushing me to talk to her so I am. The problem is: I don't know her at all. I have her number because my best friend's girlfriend gave it to me. I see her in school but we don't talk. I would talk but we have half days this week and probably some of next week too so I can't see her. Should I just text her and start talking to her? to me it's kind of awkward and stalkerish. If I do text her, what should I say and what kind of conversation should we have to keep it from being awkward? I've never been in this situation before and the help is greatly appreciated. | I wanna talk to this girl but at the moment the only possibility is over text. Is it awkward or stalkerish to do? What should I do? |
t3_3ikagk | relationships | Our 6 y/o doesnt want to play football anymore but the gf is saying no, he needs to play (UPDATE) | Shes 26 and im 33
Original:
Not much time to type it all out but she is still not seeing it my way.
today he had a meltdown that his stomach was hurting a lot. monday he wanted to leave school early because he was in pain. on tuesday he missed practice because he still wasnt feeling well.
today he had practice but he kept crying that his stomach was hurting. mom (my gf) said he was just faking it to get out of it but i wasnt sure since he just had a stomach bug. he was crying pretty bad in front of his team. pretty embarrassing, i wanted to leave there asap before his teammates torment him about it the next time they see him.
sick or not, i dont want him to be there if its going to make him that miserable. his happiness will always come first to me. i rather pull him out of that league but the mom insist that it will teach him goals, values, morals, blah blah all that good stuff.
thats nice but i know a few people that were in junior leagues and turned into a bunch of druggies.
i dont mind that he is in sports but i really would like him to want to go more than the mom wants him to go. i want our son to be into it and excited about it.
mom says when im still at work, he has no problem going. he gets ready and never complains but when im around. he starts to throw a fit and tantrums. i wont allow him to get away with this when it comes to academics but some league where he barely plays during the scrimmages, he can miss a practice or two.
mom (the gf) blew up and said i should have her back, no matter what. i feel like its all about what she says, and nothing I say is right. Also when we got home, our son was feeling better. She said it magically went away and that it was an act all along. I didn't mind that he missed it, I wanted to spend time with him any way.
What do you guys think about this? | Gf says son must go to practice. Today we had a fight when our kid cried in front of his whole team and i wanted to get out of there asap |
t3_39aq2m | relationships | My gf [18F] has proven to be untrustworthy and is moving away for college in September, should I [19M] break up with her? | My girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year now and she has broken promises and lied to my face on several occasions. She is somewhat of a blabbermouth and likes to discuss private parts of our relationship with others.
I understand that she needs to talk to people other than myself about our relationship, but I have explicitly asked her many times not to discuss details with my friends. She has done it before and we had a huge fight over it but she promised never to do it again. However, recently I caught her doing it again and when I confronted her she denied it until I provided my evidence, at which point she began making excuses.
These discussions are not the main issue as I do love her and can overlook her tendency to be overly open. The problem is she has proven to be untrustworthy and she is planning to move away for college in the fall so I don't know if I can honestly trust her when she is away for that long. Our relationship will not last very long without this trust and we are both relatively young so maybe this just means our relationship has run its course.
I don't know what to do, I still love her but I don't know how we can work this out. | I can't trust my girlfriend while she is gone for college but I still love her and don't want our relationship to end. |
t3_2jcib2 | cats | PSA: Cats need dental care, too | About 6 months ago, our previous veterinarian told us one of our cats had gingivitis. We had noticed he was chewing on one side of his mouth but didn't pay much attention to it. The gingivitis explained it though! But, after reading a post on Reddit (regrettably, I do not remember where it was) about the dangers of neglecting dental care for cats, I decided to take this kitty to a new vet (we had moved) for a checkup.
The prognosis was scary sounding: Kitty had [feline oral (or odontoclastic) resorptive lesions] (FORLs) and would require oral surgery!
Our buddy came out of surgery today just fine after having SIX teeth extracted (four molars and two front teeth). This was a pretty expensive procedure but once the vet told me the cat was probably in a lot of pain from the FORLs there wasn't any question we'd get it done. But if you're not in a position to get the procedure, the vet said normally they prescribe pain medication until the surgery is possible.
Since cats aren't amenable at all to getting their teeth brushed, the only real option for most people, according to the vet, is to get dental treats for your cat. These are super crunchy and help break up plaque and tartar. They recommended Greenies (sp?) to us, but I'm sure there are many brands. But, whatever brand you buy please stay on top of your cats' dental health! My buddy is only 2.5 years old and already has had to have a significant amount of teeth extracted. | Cats need dental care! Feed your cats dental treats regularly and make sure your dentist is checking their mouths for problems. If they say it's gingivitis, make sure to ask about FORLs too! |
t3_46ia5r | relationships | I [31/M] asked my girlfriend [27/f] what kind of porn she watches. She freaked out. WTF man? | A few days ago I asked my girlfriend what kind of porn she watches, and she got really defensive and freaked out.
Obviously I'm not going to force her to tell me if she is uncomfortable sharing, but it's strange because this girl has shared every part of her life with me, even her extreme sexual fantasies (which I'm into as well so there's no judgement there). She's introduced me to her family, shared her dreams and aspirations, detailed her past, and basically shared every single thing with me, most of the time without me asking. So why is this a problem? Why so defensive?
It's okay if she has secrets, but her behaviour is odd and very much unlike her which concerns me. She now says she just likes vanilla porn, and that it's not a big deal, but if that's the case then why did she react that way? Why is she still so defensive? I feel like she's hiding something, but I don't want to make assumptions.
Unfortunately, I'm starting to have trust issues. None one of this makes any sense because her texts, and our convos are extremely explicit, so it's not she's shy. She has already told me about her extreme fantasies, so what's the big deal?
Is she into other things she is not comfortable sharing? Or is there something else going on here that I am missing? I love this girl, and she loves me, but this is creating a trust issue and it sucks because no matter what her fetish is, I would understand, regardless if I wanted to participate in such a thing or not.
It's not about her watching porn, and it's not about the content. My problem is that her behaviour is very uncharacteristic and I'm developing trust issues because I don't feel like she is telling me the truth. What do you think reddit? | Asked girlfriend what kind of porn she watches, and she freaked out, even though she has already told me about her extreme fetishes/fantasies. Why? |
t3_16fz4z | relationships | I've [36M] been cheating on my wife [40F] for the better part of a year, and I know I should end the marriage, but I feel like I can't. | We have been married for ten years, March and together for 12 years. I'm 36/m and my wife is 40/f. Things have been rough between us for the last three years, and they don't seem to be getting any better. We have one child together, a 7 year old daughter who is my life and she is the reason I've stayed as long as I have. My wife is a basically good person, but she can be tough to be around. She holds grudges, never forgives, is perpetually disappointing (and in my opinion ungrateful). Its taxing to be with her.
So I cheated. Which is very wrong, but its the decision I made. There has been more than 1 affair, but the most serious affair has been going on since last February. The girl (23f) and I met at work, and I was responsible for showing her and a couple other younger workers the ropes. She worked under me very briefly, but she works somewhere else now. Our affair has continued through the job moves and we are more serious than either of us ever thought we wanted to be.
I've come close to confessing to my wife and asking for a divorce before, most recently in early December but the timing never feels right. She will make small changes and make me feel like she is changing, or that she really cares about me, and I back off. And then we go back to normal and I jump back into the affair. I'm scared if I end our marriage my wife will hurt herself, or not recover. I'm scared for our daughter and what it means for our relationship. I just need some advice on what to do going forward. Should I try to work it out with my wife or should I pursue a divorce. How will I be able to do what I have to? | Cheated on my wife after years of disappointment. Not sure if I should end the marriage, or if I can end the marriage without hurting her. Need help/advice/guidance |
t3_2qtwb5 | relationships | Should I[21] call her[23] back now, or wait? | This is a new relationship, just starting. I[21] work with this girl[23] and she's in a different department. We talk every now and then and seem to have some good stuff in common. A few nights ago, I asked her out and got her number. Now I'm ready to call her and set up the time of the date.
So I called her, and she didn't pick up. I go to leave a short message, and my phone cuts out. (I have poor signal for calls at my house.) So, my question is if I should call her back today and leave a message, or will it seem too needy? | I called this girl, she didn't pick up, my phone cut out before leaving a message. Do I call back now or later? |
t3_2m6zma | personalfinance | It's not haters gonna hate. It's bullshit callers gonna call bullshit. | I am a teller and I see many checks daily, I also run into people who are in Multilevel marketing businesses.
I was asked to join many multilevel marketing businesses throughout my life. Primerica, Cutco, Herbalife, Fundamerica, World Financial Group, etc.
I always ask the individual who is trying to recruit me the same questions. 1. How much do you make? 2. How long have you been with the company? 3. Why is your commission check for signing up someone $500 for an insurance package?
I seem to get the same response after a while. 1. They say they make $80k-100k a year, very low base pay, commission based, presents roughly 1k-2k per month in checks. 2. They have been with the company for a few months, and they love the job. 3. Why does it matter? The checks are legit.
This last individual even said they make more than me, and haters gonna hate. I decided not to cash her $1500 commission check when I originally was going to. Red flags all over, and put her check on hold because of all the risky behavior of the individual and the check screamed red flags at me. | Girl tried to recruit me to Primerica while I was at work, asked her tons of questions because she said she was making tons of cash, called her out on bullshit put her check on hold cause haters gonna hate. |
t3_3b6q0h | pettyrevenge | Don't want to offer your own deal? I'll take 2 please | So I'm down in Florida visiting family and I am used to living on a military post so I'm used to showing a military I.D at checkout but I realized I probably shouldn't down here since it wasn't needed (Kind of important later) But anyway to the story~
We had gone to the grocery store and I saw that there was a deal where you would buy one GM cereal and get another free which I though was a good deal. Unfortunately there was only one box of honey nut cheerios but I saw the same size box for less with the normal cheerios so I grabbed that and was on my way. Once I get to the register the man continued to say, and repeated about 6 times before I could speak that he could not do the deal. I asked him why and he said the boxes are different sizes. I looked and he was correct (I think the cheerios boxes was only ever so slightly bigger) which I understood and only asked if it was possible to still honor as the cheerio box was still cheaper then the other one I wanted. He then insulted me by saying "I can't do that are you stupid?" I was going to let it go before he said that but I decided to ask for his manager and I explained the situation and then I asked "Can you at least do a discount at this point for military?" The manager kind of was in shock as there is no military base anywhere close to where I am and told the cashier to give me the deal, plus he threw in an extra box of honey nut cheerios from the back. I enjoyed the look the cashier had as he finished checking out the rest of my stuff.
To clarify I am not active duty which is why I didn't want to show my card when he was checking me out originally as I didn't want to take advantage of that when stores only usually do that for active but after he insulted me I just wanted to make him look bad and it worked. | Cashier calls me stupid for grabbing a slightly bigger box so I talk to the manager and he give me the deal + 1 extra box of cereal. |
t3_38ccjy | relationships | My [27F] boyfriend [29M] told me I need to lose weight. Should I be upset? | Last night after dinner, my boyfriend of 3 years sat me down and told me he thinks that I should lose weight. He said I've been making some unhealthy choices lately and thinks it would be in my best interest to start limiting what I eat and walking more. I could tell he's been feeling this way for a while, and he took a lot of time to work out how he wanted to tell me. I simply said 'okay' and agreed to start a healthier lifestyle with him.
I don't think I'm that overweight. My BMI is a bit higher than it should be, but I'm far from obese. The recent weight gain has come from losing my job and my dad being sick. After our talk (which was more like a lecture, since I didn't say much in response), the hurt started to seep in and I started feeling resentment for him judging me. Is this warranted?
He's not the picture of health either - enjoys drinking beer, and has a "dad bod" as people these days call it. He says he'll work on it with me but I still felt a little attacked. I've noticed his eyes lingering on my gut more lately, or him squeezing the extra fat on my arm when we're snuggling. Shouldn't your boyfriend make you feel sexy no matter what? I've always had high body confidence and found myself beautiful. Never has a guy made me question that until now. I love him to pieces and could see myself marrying him and starting a family, which makes this situation worse. It's the one thing he's done that directly hurt me. He just doesn't know I'm feeling hurt yet. How do I address this with him? | My boyfriend of 3 years told me I'm getting fat, which really shook my high self esteem. Should I be upset? |
t3_3pjq2j | relationships | I [21F] am worried that my boyfriend [21M] has gained weight and that I might be losing my attraction to him. | So we have been together for four and a half years now, at the beginning he was really attractive. He did a lot of cycling and although he ate a lot he was a teenager so he didn't gain any weight. However, since we moved to university two years ago he has put on a fair amount of weight, probably around 50/60lbs, I'm not sure exactly but it's noticeable. I think it's that he kept eating as he did when he was younger but stopped cycling/all exercise in general. He did get into lifting weights for a bit but never got past the bulking stage and so kept the weight on when he didn't cut or continue to lift the weights.
I'm starting to worry about his health and also that if he gains more weight I'm going to stop finding him attractive. I feel really terrible as it's such a shallow way of thinking, but it's really affecting the way I look at him. His dad is quite overweight and has problems with his joints because of it and I worry that is how my SO will end up.
I just need some advice on how to talk to him about it without upsetting him. I've tried suggesting we go to the gym together/lift weights again but he just doesn't seem interested. | My boyfriend has gained weight and I'm worried about his health and that I wont find him attractive anymore. How do I talk to him about it? |
t3_1wq861 | legaladvice | [Canada] My landlord keeps coming into my apartment unannounced. | Cross post from /r/relationships since someone there said you guys would be able to help.
Myself and my two roommates have been living in our house for a little over a year now and we more or less have no problems with our landlord. Since the new year however she has been trying to rent the fourth room in our house so shes been coming over to our house almost every day/every other day unannounced coming down on us about keeping the house clean and not leaving any of our personal items out so it looks presentable when she does a viewing. The house isn't usually messy, just an example, I had a pair of socks near the kitchen table one day after I got off work and she came over a bit later and freaked out about it.
We don't normally have a problem with her coming over but there has been one too many days where either me or one of my roommates would be getting out of the shower or something only to find electricians or repair people in our house without our knowledge. That or being woken up at about 8/9 am and being kicked out of our own bedrooms so they can do work, again, without letting us know they are coming over in advance.
My roommates are losing their minds about it because we never know if someone is in our house while we are gone and considering how our landlord has been acting lately we really don't want her coming over without telling us first (yesterday one of my roommates came home to find her cleaning our bathroom and moving our things to make it "presentable". A few day prior to that she came over and started to go through our fridge asking who owned what food).
Don't get me wrong, I like that she has people to come over to fix things and make sure the house is ok to live in but I don't think it's too much to ask give us some notice besides "Hey, the electrician will be over in 10 minutes, be sure to let him in the house". She's coming over later today to collect rent and I'm really not sure how to approach this to her. | Landlord keeps coming over unannounced with various repair people and it's making myself and my roommates uncomfortable in our own home. |
t3_31sd9x | tifu | TIFU by telling the cleaning lady her coffee is bad. | So this happened about 5 minutes ago...
Everyday the cleaning lady will put 3 jars of coffee before the management staff gets in the office, as technical support agents most of us here need our morning coffee cup to kick into high gear and do our jobs efficiently, so we love it when Mrs. B makes the coffee since she always makes it stronger than usual, and we're all very happy for that.
Introducing Mrs. L, chill girl with happy attitude that sometimes comes in too early and takes the lead into making our morning coffee (a nice touch, but her coffee is so bland that 80% of us don't like it and always feel disappointing when she does come early. And no, she won't make it stronger even if we tell her to).
Well, today I got to work and did my job like usual, about two hours in I get my first break and head to our kitchen to grab some coffee but noticed it was particularly shitty today, naturally I just filled half my cup and just tolerated it while I drank my noneffective caffeine fix.
Fast forward 4 hours later and Mrs. B comes to clean or desks and take out the trash, etcétera, and she asks me if I had gotten coffee today with a friendly, joyous look on her face. Remembering in my head the coffee had been really bad I just told her "unfortunately yes, it seems L came in early today, it wasn't nearly as good as always", Mrs. B just sad "oh, too bad" and with a downed look on her face she continued cleaning and walked on.
A few seconds later my coworker tells me I'm an asshole because Mrs. B made the coffee today, and then I realized I just told her in the face her coffee was pretty crappy and now I feel like an asshole. | cleaning lady B makes awesome coffee, coworker L makes shitty coffee. Today's coffee was particularly shitty and I said it to B on her face, without realizing L had made the coffee today. |
t3_13qz3q | relationships | I [19m] am in love for the second time with with a friend [18f] and it is killing me; can we continue to be friends? | Past: I ask a girl to homecoming sophomore year of high school that I really like and my friend knows this. Two months later he dates (long term) her. They get to second base in the back of my car while I am driving. Really hurt me. Then prom my senior year I ask a different girl that I am really into. She isn't interested in me romantically. Never felt like that about anyone. Cried for the first time in years about it. I tell her I can't see her because it hurts too much. I get over it after 3 weeks because my 4 best friends are always hanging out with her. Then the same guy goes and and dates her 2 months later. We hang out all summer. We go to college, they are sorta broken up but not really. One week ago I invite my prom date as a friend to a date at my fraternity. We have a lot of fun. We both get drunk and cuddle. She gets extremely touchy but nothing happens.
Present: I realize I that I will always feel that way about her because the person she is. All my friends know that if you hang out with her you are going to have a good time. She is that kind of person. My best friend is currently sorta dating her. They are not sure right now. If I stay friends with her I will try and date her. My friend that dated both of the girls seems like a dick but he really just fell for them. He is one of the nicest guys I know.
What do I do? | Friend steals two girls from me, he is currently kinda dating the last one, if I continue to be friends with her I am going to attempt to date her. |
t3_rcp9x | AskReddit | Do you think that the music you listen to is influenced by the people you associate with? Do you consider this a good or bad thing? | In my high school years, I was forced to go to a private school. Most of the kids were black and into the whole "urban music" (hip/hop, pop, rap, ect.) I'm (mainly) Indian, so I guess my parents thought since we all had brown skin, I'd fit right in; I didn't. I basically just listened to what my friends listened to or the popular artists. About the end of Sophomore year, I realized that I didn't like that shit. I like rock/metal music. I love it to be exact. I completely shut myself off from urban music and started listening to what I wanted. But now I hardly have anyone to share songs with and what I listen to is now just a sample of all different kinds of artists. No one influences what I listen to and I'm kind of everywhere. I think it's awesome. Hopefully going to college can connect me with similar people | Mid high school, I realized I only liked hiphop because that's what my friends liked and now I'm a rocker and don't give a shit |
t3_3ngz3n | relationships | Me [25F] with my boyfriend [28 M] of 2 years. I feel like I'm being placed on the back burner, and it's causing me to be a horrid neurotic mess. | My boyfriend and I have been together for just over two years now and I feel like I'm being placed on the back burner. Most of his friends are out of town and he doesn't go out much but he has a couple of projects on the go (boat and a car).
I know that everyone needs their own thing and have time to themselves and his projects are fine. What concerns me the most is how his face is almost surgically attached to his phone when he's not working on his somewhat time consuming projects. Ladies (and gentleman) I'm sure you can relate with me a little on this one.
Dinner dates with friends, or just us, the phone is out. We both come home from work, he's off with his phone in the other room. I can seem to get any alone time with just him to go and do something fun or silly.
I've had some issues from my past (extreme bullying and that big lovely R word that rhymes with tape). I went to therapy, and all that exciting stuff because I wasn't going to make it if I didn't. I've over come some of my worst insecurities but not all of them, So naturally I can't help but think that he's checking out the playing field. I usually end up ruining our time that we (eventually) get to spend together because I ask him a million questions on who he's actually talking to etc. and stress myself out to the point where I'm sick to my stomach.
I beat myself up for it and think that I'm an awful person for feeling this way, and ask myself "why would he want to be with you anyway? You're a horrible neurotic mess." I love him and I can't imagine my life without him in it. I don't want to beat myself up anymore. Any suggestions on how to patch this up without sending him or I off the deep end? | I'm pretty sure my boyfriend has placed me on the back burner because of my insecurities. I beat myself up for it, and I feel like a big poo head. |
t3_2flpbz | relationships | Me [21 F] with my boyfriend [22 M] for 1 year, When do you know if a relationship is right or wrong? | This is my second real relationship. My first one was my highschool sweetheart and pretty much emotionally/verbally abusive. So, I have very little good examples to compare to. I have some moments when I think my boyfriend is great, possibly someone I can be with in the future. But there are some days where I doubt his love. When do these days occur? It is like a cycle. We have a few, amazing days. But he snaps quickly. If he feels like I disrespected him in some way, he will say I am being an asshole and to go screw myself (This occured when I told him not to lay on me because my stomach was hurting). If he feels I am being 'rude' he would hang up the phone on me and to get over myself and that I should be embarrased. I have some trust issues with him. About 6 months in our relationship I found out he was talking to other females. I confronted him, preparing to end it, but he was basically on his hands and knees begging me to forgive him and how he only wants to be with me. He still texts a lot and most of his friends are female. I have met some. Some I have not. I am not sure if I am just being insecure and this is just innocence or this is my instincts screaming at me. I have at least 3 dreams a week of him cheating on me. When do I know if this is a wrong relationship? | Boyfriend can be great some times. Other times he has anger problems. Previously talked to other girls in past. Am I insecure or in wrong relationship? |
t3_xpjo6 | relationships | My boyfriend [20's] will be starting second year university in another country, but I'm still in high school [17] - how do I talk about this with him? | We've only been going out for a month, but I really like him. And he says he really likes me too. We have honest-to-goodness mutual respect and trust for each other, and I can truthfully say I would trust him with my life. I doubt an "I love you" from either of us is far away. He has told me before that he wouldn't let somebody he cares about so much slip out of his life, but long distance relationships are hard, and I don't want to lose him. He's going to Penn State after the summer, and I'm stuck here in Alberta finishing my last year of high school, after which I will hopefully be going to UBCO (so tack on more distance). I just don't know how to bring this up to him. I don't want to seem clingy, and I don't want him to think I'm trying to keep him from being successful. But I really really do not want to be without him for a year. I know he wouldn't cheat on me so I'm not worried about that. But we have a very intimate and close relationship. We are touching each other every chance we get. We cuddle for hours. We talk non-stop when we're together.. I'm going to miss that intimacy so much. It's just a newborn relationship, but it makes me so sad to think about what might happen to us. | boyfriend is going away to university in the States while I'm in Canada, and I don't know how to tell him it makes me upset without seeming needy/clingy or like I'm keeping him from success. |
t3_1nqsa4 | relationships | Me [24F] with my boyfriend [25M] of 2years. Should I be worried about a long distance relationship and how he's acting? | Me and my BF have been together 2 years. We met whilst at uni and now that we've finished he's moved back home to Ireland. He keeps lying about the simplest of things, he barely texts me and keeps making excuses about not coming over to visit. Also I said I was going to go over for his Birthday next month and stay in a hotel because I think Birthdays are a big deal. But he started having a go at me, making me feel guilty about wanting to see him and then he even tried the 'fine, do whatever you want' line.
I love him to pieces and previously I've asked him if he wants to go on a break or break up entirely but he still says he wants to be with me.
I don't know what to do or think. But I really don't think he's the kind of guy who would cheat so does anyone know why a guy who doesn't want to break up with me is acting so strange? | BF is acting strange but not the type of guy who would cheat. Any ideas as to why he's acting strange? |
t3_4mc9fi | relationships | [M25] Losing my Wife/Best Friend [F25] to our new love [3.5m] | I feel selfish, and I feel unhappy.
My wife is my best friend, we have been together 3 years and there is nobody else in the world I would rather be with, we complement each other very well and I would say we are as good at communicating with each other through even the hardest of things without a problem.
Our daughter was born just over 3 months ago and we love her to death. Oh man, we love her so much.
Here is the problem, 1.5 months ago I went from working 2 days a week and spending all my time with them to working 50+ hours a week with a 1 hour commute both ways (I drive the whole thing). As you can imagine this leaves me beyond exhausted by the time I get home. I have maybe 3 hours with them during the day before I have to go to bed. (We found a new apartment that is literally less than a mile from work and are moving next month so that will help tremendously)
My wife is a stay at home mom (this was decided together as we both agreed it would be best for our daughter).
So, now I get home and I am tired. And all I can imagine is she is exhausted from taking car of the baby all day which makes sense. But, that leaves so little energy to put into each other. I use to give her massages all the time that would lead to more intimate things but, I just don't have the energy in me after work. And to make matters worse, the few times I do try our daughter ends up crying and it all falls apart. Leaving my wife feeling un-relaxed and me feeling alone while my wife is focused on our daughter again.
What do we do?
I miss when I got home and she could get up and hug me and we kissed and it would lead to more. Now I open the door and she is on the couch breastfeeding.
She is doing nothing wrong, when we spoke last night she said she is doing alright so I know this is mostly on my end and I need to get my head straight. I just miss smiling without even trying. | Happily married, have a baby, I feel like a selfish jerk for feeling neglected because my wife is always focused on the baby. |
t3_2vpbzh | relationships | I [23/F] was raped and found out later I contracted herpes (Type II) for my attacker. It's a sensitive subject so I'm not sure how soon I should share with potential love-interests or how even. Advice? | I was raped several years ago and found out months after the attack that I had type II herpes. I was devastated at first but after a lot of research, I learned it's really not that big of a deal. It is what it is and I will have this for the rest of my life - I'm ok with that now.
But I haven't dated anyone or slept with anyone in all that time and I'm starting to want to get out and meet new people and date but I'm really nervous of this being a huge deal-breaker for anyone to love me.
How do I tell him, whoever he may be, what happened to me and that I have genital herpes? And how soon should I tell him? I'm not really comfortable with telling on the first date.
I just need some advice on how to deal with this. | I was raped and contracted genital herpes from my attacker several years ago. I'm ready to start dating but I don't know how or when to tell someone. |
t3_h700s | AskReddit | How can you love someone so dearly and hate them so much at the same time? | Sorry Reddit, I'm a fucking mess right now and I might punch my cat in the face if I don't project my anger out somehow.. and I love my cat so here it goes..
How can I love this girl so much, but FEEL so much resentment at the same time? I have every reason in the world to hate her but I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT HER! and if your first thought it "oh well *derp*, just stop talking to her." Well, dumb shit I dont want to FORGET about her, I just want her back (que 500 Days of Summer quotes, a.k.a the only "romance" movie I can relate to.. and it turns out to be horribly depressing for a guy like me)
and here's a good follow-up question.. HOW THE HELL CAN MUSIC MAKE YOU SO FUCKING DEPRESSED? Jet, seriously? "Look What You've Done".. made me cry, thanks a' fucking lot. That and "Killing Me Softly" by Roberta Flack, FUCK.
Anyways, down vote it, exert your Reddit pretentiousness over me, whatever. I need a scapegoat and Reddits all I got sometimes.. | How can I hate someone with a fiery vengeance and at the same have them be the only thing that makes me truly happy? |
t3_54bmfa | relationships | Our [14M&16F] sister [22F] keeps getting skinnier and skinnier. She looks like a walking skeleton and no one is listening to us that this is bad. | Hi this is Brit talking and my brother max is with me. Our sister Jade is beyond skinny, like it's actually getting to the point where you can see almost all of her bones properly. She's not normal weight like you or I. Type in anorexic on google and she looks so close to some of the pictures that come up.
We have spoken to her about this and she's told us to shut up, we're only kids what do we know. She is so tiny. my brother max has more meat on his bones than she does. Our parents and friends think this is OK and tell her she looks beautiful. Brutally honest she did, she did look beautiful but something happened and she dropped a massive ton of weight. She looks so frail
We both feel like we are losing our minds because we are trying to tell people that this is a problem. Is there anything we can do? | Is there anything we can do because our sister is getting skinnier and skinnier and no one is listening to us and telling her she looks beautiful |
t3_tweiz | AskReddit | reddit, what is your favorite thing to do with a group of friends around a table? | Once again reddit, I seek your aid.
My friends and I are kind of at a stalemate. Not so much that we are bored with one another, but ever since I moved into my new flat all we seem to do is gather around the dining table.
I personally have no problem with this because it is like the old days and give us time to fellowship and just catch up with one another. We typically just gather around, eat supper, and occasionally (and my favorite) have a beer sampling from either homebrews or craft purchases.
We are at the age ranges of 18-28 and all have similiar intrests, we have tried drinking games (very few, but was my favorite thus far), card games, and the like. | My friends and I are bored sitting around a table, what are your favorite legal things to do around a table? (board games, drinking games, GO WILD!) |
t3_41tu0t | relationships | Wife [32 F] told me [32 M] about her six-month affair with work colleague - need to hash it out. | This weekend my wife told me about her 6-month affair with a work colleague. A week prior to this she had been extremely emotional and apologetic and told me that her friendship with this dude was not appropriate. She said she had approached a psychologist to work through her issues and emphasised how sorry she was.
I initially decided to give her some space and did not press for details on what was bothering her. When I eventually did quiz her and ask what the exact nature of the friendship, did she divulge the details of the affair.
It's now three days later and am obviously hurt, angry and confused. We have two kids (9 and 5) and have just recently purchased a house together (typical). I still love her and the amount of remorse and sorrow she has shown tells me that she still loves me too.
We moved cities at the beginning of last year and at some point with her new job, my workload and her lack of friends my wife become incredibly lonely. She had made friends initially with this guy and then he started flirting with her. I am told things just went from there and despite her guilt and disgust with her she could not break it off despite wanting to and telling this guy as much on several occasions.
Things were finally stopped when the dude's wife started getting suspicious about their "Friendship" and the emotional toll of it all overwhelmed my wife. She said she had realised she had become the kind of person she despised and what she had done was against all her morals and character.
At this point I think I will be prepared to forgive her and work through this to rebuild our marriage. I have not spoken to anyone personally about this as yet because frankly it's humiliating. I have thus turned to you internet strangers for your thoughts and suggestions. Am I crazy for wanting to stay together? What essential things should I be doing before I make a decision to stay and make it work or just cut the cord? | – My wife had an affair and I'm thinking of forgiving her. What should I consider before deciding whether to forgive her or not. |
t3_ql5xw | loseit | 25 M - 2 Month Progress Pics - No idea what I have lost! | Hi all,
Before I begin I just want to thank this community. If were not for loseit I do not think I would have even started this life changing journey. You are all inspirations to me, including those just starting out.
As many of you can relate, I have always been overweight. My junior year of high school I was up to about 215 LBs (I am 5'11''). By the end of my senior year I was down to 163 LBs. My social life and confidence were at an all time high. For the next couple of years I hovered around 175 and it seemed to be sticked. Some things changed in my life when I was about 21 or 22, I went into a depression and had ballooned up to what you see in the first picture.
After reading this subreddit I decided it was time to make a change. I began counting calories using my fitness pal. For the first month I went at it REALLY hard (900-1200 calories a day). This second month I have been eating 1200-1600 calories a day and have been a bit more lenient. Rather than weigh myself every week or so, I decided to take pictures so that I could SEE the difference and not be discouraged by numbers I see on a scale. This has been proven successful for me personally. Looking at my Day 1 Photo is all the motivation I need not to go on a binge. Another reason I have not weighed myself is that I was scared to see exactly how much weight I have been on. If this does not demonstrate denial I am not sure what does.
By the end of March I plan to incorporate exercise cardio + light weights into my regiment, and it is my goal that in 2 more months I will be somewhat happy with my appearance just in time for beach season.
So here are the progress pics how much would you guess that I have lost? | Fat kid got thin in high school and gained it all back. Working on losing it again with a low calorie diet. |
t3_1txsfv | relationships | My GF (17F) of 3 months broke up with me (18M), and I have a decision to make. | I was in a pretty healthy relationship, and I was actually really satisfied with how things were going. She however didn't feel completely happy because I was too confident for her and it made her feel self-conscious.
We're now just over a month down the line of the break up and there's this girl that I know that absolutely wants to sleep with me (we've had a lot of contact before and I already decided then that she was not girlfriend material), it's just that I feel that if I go through with this and she finds out (this girl is a friend of hers), she herself will also lose all her self control and end up in bed with some random guy, and I still care about her too much to handle that.
I'm stuck because I do feel lonely and I sure wouldn't mind the company of the "I'll sleep with you"-girl, but I wouldn't want her to lose her self control or even that people think I am a total douche for sleeping with her, since I am considered a pretty nice and trust-able guy by most.
Should I take up on the offer and if no, do you have any tips for what I should do to ease the loneliness? | Feeling lonely and could take an offer of sex, but am afraid of ex losing self control. What do I do? |
t3_33xn7j | relationships | My BIL (25m) and his GF (23f) of one year are trying for a baby but BIL told my husband he doesn't want a kid. | Ok so better explanation. My BIL and his GF have been together for a year and two months. Three months ago she told me that she stopped taking her birth control because they had decided they wanted to have a child together. I was excited for them because I have a 9 month old and it would be awesome for her to have a cousin close in age to play with. BIL seemed slightly reserved but I figured it was just because he didn't want us (husband and I) to tell his parents because they're not married.
Well yesterday my husband spoke with my BIL on the phone and the topic of children came up and BIL told my husband he didn't want to have a kid right now and was worried about money, the crying, sleepless nights, diaper changes and basically everything that goes with having a child. When my husband asked him why he didn't tell GF that, he said that he didn't want to upset her and that he was afraid she'd leave him.
Now my first reaction to this is that they're both adults and I should leave it to them to work it out and make their own choices. However, seeing as I'm still new to this whole parenting thing I know how stressful it can be when you have your first child and I had my husbands full support.
I can't say what my BIL's reaction would be if he decides after the fact that it's too much work and he doesn't want to deal with it but I can tell you that he's not ambitious, doesn't like confrontation and would rather walk away from you than continue a discussion that isn't going his way. It makes me fear him just leaving her alone with this baby.
I don't feel like I'm explaining this very well but I need advice. Should I leave it alone and let the chips fall where they may or should I talk to her and tell her that BIL isn't as ready as she is. | My BIL and his GF are trying for a baby but BIL told husband he doesn't want one and won't tell GF. What do I do? |
t3_2tjspd | relationships | My [23F] roommate [22F] started dating a guy [32M] and he's been staying at our apartment every night this past week. | I work full time and I'm in grad school full time, so my home time is calming, despite how limited it is. However, my roommate started dating this guy **3 weeks ago** and only asked once (not even this week) if he could crash at our place over night. It's a small apartment - just the two of us - so it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable He's a stranger to me and there's only been one time I've been home in the last week that he wasn't already at our apartment. I feel like I'm constantly third-wheeling and I don't feel comfortable being in my apartment while he's here because I don't know him at ALL.
Part of the reason he's here all the time might be because I'm so busy and I'm either at work, at class, or at yoga, but I really shouldn't feel anxious coming home because I don't know who is going to be there. And apparently they're always here because he's married in a green card marriage and he lives with his wife. (Which I guess isn't my place to judge, but it's part of the bigger issue.)
I'm trying to figure out how to talk to her about it, but she is extremely easily offended and will be pissed no matter how I approach it. I've already texted her one day asking if he was going to be there because I had a lot of work to get done, to which she responded, "I'm not sure if he's planning on coming over later..."
Help?
I guess I'm wondering if my feelings are justified or if I'm blowing up the issue to what it shouldn't be. Any ideas on how to approach this without coming off bitchy or in a way that she can't frame it like it's my fault for being uncomfortable (which she's likely to do)? | Roommate's brand new boyfriend I don't know is here every night and doesn't ask me if I mind. How do I approach this? |
t3_4w5ooh | relationships | Afraid I [M/24] won't be able to make friends in a relationship | I had a relationship a few years ago, it went decent, bt I never really had the opportunity to make friends during this relatinoship. Mostly because of a mix of already having good friends, spending time with the girlfriend, some jealousy on her part if I hung out with a girl one-on-one.
After that relationship ended, I started dating a bunch of people. And I loved it. A lot of the girls I dated didn't turn out to be anything too serious romantically, but I made a bunch of new friends through it, and it was great learning new people. I felt that because I was dating those girls, they actually put in the effort to open up and also to get to know me, which made it easier to get close to them and become friends. I started noticing that most of my friends actually were a girls I dated, or where there at least was some prior romantic interest.
Now I moved to a new country, and I met a great girl already, and it is getting pretty serious, but I haven't really made that many friends yet in this city. More like none at all that I actually like. I have tried finding new friends just through work and classes, but with none of them I actually reach that deeper connection. I feel like they know it's just going to be a friendship and thus don't feel the need to really build a more emotionally deep connection. They already have enough friends, so why put in the effort?
So how do you do it? I want to be in a relationship with this new girl I met, and I definitely don't want to cheat or anything like that by going on dates with other girls, but so far I have not been able to actually find strong connections. And dating girls has always been my main way of making new friends. | Starting a new relationship, but also want to make new friends; I apparently never learnt how to make friends the 'normal' way, since most of my friends are people I have had prior romantic interactions with. |
t3_280y4a | offmychest | My little brother | My little brother is the type of person to
Go into a room, some how use ALL the electronic devices and not turn of any of them when he leaves
Leave his wet clothes from swimming in the tub rather than hanging them to dry
Take a shit and instead of facing the possible clogging, leave it for the next person to handle so it smells
And that was just tonight
He also has to comprehension of table manners, I'm talking smacking like a cow, using a fork he dropped on the ground, eating with his hands, talking with food in his mouth, all of that a public restaurant.
He also throws the biggest fits when you say no
At 15 years old still doesn't comprehend that *No, you can't use your mothers phone, it needs to remain charged so people can contact her, you have a phone so you can check Facebook on it, not hers.*
He doesn't understand that you can in fact let you mother go somewhere alone
And not to mention his inability to ever go to a grocery store or gas station without demanding $10 of stuff for himself when money is already tight.
He's gonna have a bright future as a semi-high school freshman drop out.
But it's okay, he'll have an aspiring career as a mobile DJ because listening to music with earphones is nonsense, no, he needs to blast in where ever he goes, stores and all, everyone must listen to his ghetto rap music and blast it on shitty speakers when we drive.
Top notch guy.
Please die you little shit. | My little brother is a piece of shit and I have a year left and I'm gone, never gonna miss him. |
t3_1ld1uh | relationships | Me[27M] and my girlfriend [25F] of 5 years just split up. I have been by myself in a hotel for almost 50 days now, and I think I realized some things. Help? | So after 5 great years together, we broke up almost 2 months ago. A week afterwards I was sent out of town to work on a local disaster about 4 hours away, and wasn't able to return home for almost 50 days.
When I left I was feeling okay with everything,and just wanted her to be happy with the rest of her life. Since being away from everything for so long, and having insane amounts of work stress I realized that the reason we broke up was always my fear of taking the next step. We were going to move in together in the middle of September, but I was wavering on making a final decision and now I live in a hotel by myself.
I started txting her again, and pretty much hit rock bottom with everything two weeks ago. She's been great and still talks to me, but has also apparently moved on both emotionally and with someone else too.
I know all signs say "just move on", but for whatever reason, I know she is someone worth fighting for. My fear of moving in or getting engaged have just seemed so childish and not myself any more. Being away from everything for so long and beginning to understand myself a hundred times more than I did during our 5 years together have shown me the priorities in life, and shes definitely at the top of that.
Have I gone full emo? Or is it okay to still want to know if you have a chance with the girl you love? As long as Im not driving by her house or spying on her of course! And remember, Ive been alone in a hotel dealing with all of this solo. | Broke up with girly because we werent taking the next steps, and after two months of self-introspection I realized I was a child about it all. Need advice, because Im still in love. |
t3_2wa7ue | relationships | Me (22m) just got back from definitely cheating on my GF (20f) of 2+ years | I need to post this here as I have nothing else to turn to. I have just got home from a night out drinking with friends. There was a girl who cosy'd up to me all night.
I accepted this attention even though I do have a girlfriend. I then went back to her place with a couple of friends for an 'after party' knowing full well what she wanted. We went to her room and she took my pants off. She took hers off too, there was some 'hand play' involved but then I got up and put my pants on about 5 minutes later and walked home.
I phoned one very close friend, crying down the phone telling him how regretful I was, he told me to sleep on it and tell my GF everything tomorrow.
I love my girlfriend and have done since we met over 2 years ago. This was a massive moment of weakness, I have never cheated before and plan on never doing it again. I cant even begin to describe the shame and regret I feel.
I guess what Im trying to ask is if I should even tell her. I have come close to cheating before but didnt but now i've kinda gone all the way with it I couldnt feel worse. I'm going to see her tomorrow and cant handle breaking the news to her. I know its all my fault. The thing is, I can see myself living without being in a relationship with her, I just feel absolutley terrible on her for not telling her because I know she loves me more than I do her, even though I dont let on that fact.
I'm sitting here beside myself with grief and shame wondering if I should tell her what i've just done. I know I should, its just the thought of hurting her breaks my heart because shes so innocent.
I'm sorry about the grammatical and spelling errors in this post but i'm still drunk from tonight and this is the only outlet I have. | done a little bit of 'pants off' stuff with a girl that wasnt my gf and now need advice on what to tell her. |
t3_m4xgi | AskReddit | Looking for some career/life opinions from those who may be wiser than myself... | Hey Redditors. Here's my story.
I'm a 24 year old guy who grew up doing 2 things, working with kids since I was old enough to have a job (or volunteer,) and loving business and finance. My Dad (along with 2 partners) started a small software company about 30 years ago that's been pretty successful. That being said, when the housing bubble burst, rather than doing layoffs, my dad and his partners basically cut their pay to 0. Their paychecks were reduced ridiculously week to week, and there were many, many, MANY weeks where they just didn't get paychecks.
At the time, I was in school, living in an apartment. I racked up a decent amount of debt, both for tuition and expenses (aka student loans and CC's.) I then graduated and worked in insurance for a year and a half, basically hating it through and through. I'm now at my Dad's company, and I'm a big nerd, so its a decent gig for me, although the money isn't great.
That being said, I'll eventually (assuming the company doesn't sell in the next 20 years or so) own my dad's share in the company. This brings a little extra complexity to things.
Now, knowing all that, if I could do it allllllll over, I'd be a teacher. I made a 50/50 choice coming out of high school between 2 things I enjoyed, and I really believe I'd be much happier day-to-day teaching. I know in the end, financially, this is likely a better situation, but I love kids, and I miss that feeling of really looking forward to work.
I've been considering graduate school, but the extra 30-40k in debt would kind of suck...Might make it impossible, really. But I always feel like I can do anything if I bust my ass hard enough, so I am torn on what to do.
Any thoughts? Specific or in general? Advice and questions and anything else is welcome. | I have a decent job where I'll likely eventually make very good money, but I don't love it. I have a bunch of debt, really want to go back and be a teacher. |
t3_y0xx4 | cats | How to stop 10 month old kitten from being dominant and aggressive with 11 year old cat? | This has been going on since we got Peanut(kitten) at three months old. We have tried doing time-outs with him whenever he attacks Chinchilla(old cat), but he doesn't connect the dots. We've tried to re-direct his attention to a toy, but that doesn't work for long. It's like he can't help it. He's neutered, so I know he's not trying to mate with her.
Are there any other solutions to this issue? Or will he eventually outgrow this bratty stage? Chinchilla isn't in the best of health, so him jumping on her is not helping.
The cats aren't allowed outside of our bedroom(we live with his mother, and she would let them out of the house out of spite because she's evil and no, we can't move), so putting them in separate rooms is not an option.
He also displays resource-guarding, which is not a good thing either. | Kitten is being dominant and aggressive with older cat. Time-outs and re-direction have failed. Also resource-guards. Need new solutions. |
t3_3oxnaa | relationship_advice | [17/M] Her [17/F] parents don't like how we met | I'm resubmitting this because I screwed up the title
Okay so, I have been in four committed relationships already in my life, the longest lasted about 10 months, and I've been infatuated enough to know what feelings are just infatuation.
anyways
The last year or so I have lost a good portion of my friends and struggled with bad depression as well as serious substance abuse issues. I have been doing much better the last three months (therapy, medication, 12 step meetings etc) but I went with a quick fix for my lack of dating opportunities because I don't know/interact with many girls my age right now. I made a tinder profile hoping I would meet someone who is interesting, kind, beautiful and looking for a committed relationship. Honestly, I wasn't expecting to find that, and would have settled for just one of those traits (haha). But I found one who had all of those traits and of course we are both pretty infatuated with each other but more than that I feel we are actually compatible in terms of real friendship and not just two people who were attracted to each other.
I'm making this a long story but I will cut to the chase now: We texted each other for 3 weeks straight all the time, we would have planned a date earlier but we are both very busy people and don't live incredibly close (but we both drive). Anyways we planned a date for this saturday over a week ago now, and everything was A-okay until she told her parents how we met. They threw a fit and told her absolutely not to being able to see me. I have accepted that they probably won't let us date at this point, but I don't feel like just giving up without a fight. I have been thinking about writing a letter (I don't think calling them will work) explaining who I am, why I used tinder, and my intentions, (I am good at coming across well because I actually am a decent person and I am okay at writing) but I'm posting this in a desperate cry for help in case any of you have a better idea. | Met a really great person on tinder, got to know her and planned date, her parents said no because they found out how we met each other and are not comfortable with it. |
t3_3u5t4a | relationships | Me [18F] with my boyfriend [18M] of 6 months, he really doesn't want to kiss me. It's frustrating. | So basically, we've been dating for 6 months. We've been best friends for 2 years before this. I'm his first girlfriend.
Anyway, we've had sex a ton of times, we hold hands in public, he's decently snuggly (and I'm quite so). He's great and we really love each other. However, we've only kissed a few times.
As far as pecks on the cheek go, he's done that to me maybe once or twice. I do it to him all the time, and rarely get any type of reaction from it. As for real kissing, I've tried to initiate it a couple times (all during sex), and while he doesn't stop me, he doesn't seem to really react to it at all. He just lets me kiss him. It feels really forced and I don't enjoy it either.
I've asked him about it a bunch, he always says that he likes hugging more than kissing. The thing is, hugs don't have the same amount of passion behind them, I guess. A hug isn't as intimate and close as kissing. I feel like I'm missing out on it. Am I being shallow here? I really love him, but it's starting to get frustrating. It makes me feel like he doesn't find me attractive or something and is only putting up with me as far as physical attraction goes. | It's been 6 months and he doesn't seem interested in kissing at all. It's making me feel like something is missing, but I feel like an ass for bringing it up. |
t3_ugco9 | relationships | Fiance keeps getting mad at me over the smallest things, not sure why and definitely not sure what to do anymore. | My fiance (M 24) and I (F 23) have been together for 11 months (today)
So, here lately my fiance just gets mad over the smallest and DUMBEST things. Just today, he got mad that I didn't want to go with him to pick up his paycheck. Despite me having worked from 4:00 this morning (meaning I had to get up at 3:30 AND after going to bed at 1:30 because "I didn't want to spend time with him" by wanting to go to sleep.)
Half of the time I feel like he just wants to argue. Then always defaults to the "YOU ALWAYS..." and "I NEVER...". and/or calling me a bitch, telling me "fuck you", or just being hateful. I love this man, and this is NOT normal behavior for him, but it's gotten really bad here lately. I know this is such a small issue and I should be thankful that this is our only issue now, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to get mad also because that wouldn't help anything and even after telling him I'm sorry and complying to what it is he wants me to do, he gets mad that I'm doing it, but I don't WANT to.
So, how to approach this? I just don't know what to do anymore.. It's driving me crazy and I feel like it's going to cause bigger problems. Help me :( | Fiance gets mad over the smallest things (such as what I don't do) and when I finally comply and do them, he gets mad because I don't WANT to (but do anyways to make him happy). |
t3_2v7s4t | relationships | Me [24F] awkward situation: ex bf of 2yrs [27M] now dating best friend of 15 yrs. let it go? | Struggling to decide if I'm a bad friend or an idiot. BFF 26F now in relationship with ex bf 27M who I dated for 2.5yrs BUT 5 years ago.
She told me at the start...well, 2mths into new relationship- gave me an opt-out but I said it was fine. No unresolved feelings. 1yr later I just feel betrayed by her. No problem with their relationship, just feel like it was sneaky as she waited to tell me for months when they were already invested. We had been living together prior to this and she moved out due to cash issues, and she didn't really keep in touch much after moving out. Next I heard, they were an item.
I've continued to treat her as normal BFF but have got cold shoulder a few times. She seems super insecure around me.
Now she has a problem as apparently I asked some questions that made her feel uncomfortable (another friend told me) about their relationship. I have no idea what and never meant any harm. It was apparently 4mths ago!
Question is: confront her, although she hasn't returned mssgs for last 2mths or let her go? Then would risk feeling like I haven't done enough...starting to feel like a real push-over. | is it ok to violate unwritten terms of friendship & date friend's ex? Is it ok to be upset about this?. |
t3_488mcg | relationships | My (m24) partner's (f21) parent's don't want us to stay together while i visit her in Korea | My partner and I have a long distance relationship. She currently is staying with her family in Korea and I am going to visit in less than a week. According to her, it is quite scandalous in Korea to live with someone before you marry, even if you are just traveling together.
The problem is: while I am there, her parents want her to keep staying with them, even though we already booked hotels for our stay. We haven't seen each other for months and we obviously would like to share a bed. Her parents are trying to control her and her whole family knows about it now.
What, if anything, can we do to assuage her family? We are set on staying alone together, we would just like to mitigate the damage. | my partner's family is very conservative and is trying to control her, what can we do to appease them without giving in? |
t3_21wbxn | relationships | Had my first threesome MFF - need advice on how to proceed with a potential relationship with one of the girls | Last night was a blur. I(24m) had a threesome with two girls who are roommates. Prior to the threesome, both of them had been into me one point or another. One of them, H(24f), is really cute and we had made out prior to the threesome. The other one, M(24f), is attractive, but I've never had emotions for her like I have had for H. I've had a crush on H for a few weeks now and would really like to hang out/ date and see how things go.
Well, the threesome happened really spontaneously and there were no awkward feelings. We talked about how we felt before hand and again the next morning. I think we all left feeling confident, no one was embarrassed, and we all had a lot of fun.
However, I worry about what could happen next. I really want to pursue a relationship with H, but now that the threesome has happened, I don't know how I could do that without hurting M. They are both attracted to me, but I'm only really interested in H. I've made it clear to M that I'm only interested in a friendship with her and that our personalities are too different for a relationship to work. She is also aware of my crush on her roommate. Also, H and M have been really good friends for a long time and I don't want to hurt their friendship either. But I get a strong vibe from H that she wants to pursue something more with me too.
What do you think about this situation? Is it possible for me to pursue H at this point? Or was it ruined with the threesome? If not, what are some ways I could go about this? | Had a threesome and am interested in pursuing one of the girls without hurting the other. Is it possible to pull this off? |
t3_3evfyg | relationships | Me [24M] with my gf [21F] 5 years, Wanna breakup but child holding me back. | My feelings for her are starting to become more like friends, she is more like my best friend. It's hard to describe the feelings, but I wanna move on and see what else is out there for me. But since we have a child together which is soon a year and I love her more than anything, I'm seriously concidering staying just for her. I grew up in a fucked up home and all I want for my daughter is a stable home with mom and dad, but my feelings are getting overwhelmed. My gf is committed, she loves me until death do us part, trust me. I'm sure I can live OK with my gf like this. Reddit, I don't know what to do. I can't help these feelings and I have tried and tried, but it just ain't working. I think about staying for the soul reason that my child means this much to me. I don't know what to do, I will still see her every now and then if we split and I'm sure we will end on good terms but fuck, I really wanna give my child a happy home with mom and dad. Also just think about if my gf finds an abusive man down the road. Help. I'm lost. | Wanna breakup but my child is holding me back, since my past was fucked up I wanna give my child a stable home, but my feelings are mixed. How to get past this? |
t3_1s9xkx | relationship_advice | [28f] Getting extremely mixed signals from [28m] and not sure what to think. Is he playing games? | So this guy "friend" and I have had a thing (crush) for each other for some time. A couple months ago we got drunk and ended up hooking up. Since then, we have hooked up a few times. I'm not expecting anything serious to come of this but I am a little confused as to his behavior and actions.
Prior to the hookup, we would talk and text fairly often. We get along very well and were pretty friendly. Now, it seems as though he is actively ignoring my texts. He delays responses and sends very short messages. No real conversations.
Now, I'm quite aware many men are just after sex, and if that were the case I really wouldn't mind but some of his other behavior throws me off. He's introduced me to all of his brothers and his mom. He's introduced me to his best female and male friends.
When we are together he acts like his normal self, but then I'll hardly hear from him during the week. He also told me in person that he's into me and that the first time he spoke to me he was so nervous he was shaking.
So my question is, is this guy just a jerk that got what he wanted or is he playing games with me? I'm very easy going - I'd be open for just a casual relationship, something more or simply a friendship. I'm just really getting mixed messages here and I don't know what to think. | Hooked up with a "friend" a few times and he's giving me mixed signals now. Not sure whether to try to maintain the relationship/friendship or abandon it. |
t3_3fcc11 | relationships | My[28m] girlfriend[28f] cheated on me, am I wrong for wanting to go no contact on her? | My girlfriend and I have been together for 15 months. There are a lot of things wrong in our relationship, she is far more extroverted than I am. A part of me saw this coming, but when she was around me she was always very sweet and loving so this was kind of a shock to me.
One of her friends boyfriend's I actually get along with really well. He ended up telling me that my girlfriend confided in her friend that she blew her exboyfriend early on in our relationship. I decided to be a serpent and I confirmed through her fb.
This isn't my first breakup, so I am not that heart broken. I personally don't need any closure she was unfaithful and she isn't someone I want to be with further. Now, I want to get back at her. My plan is that, I am moving to a new city for work. And after I get there just to 100% stop talking to her. Block her on everything. She has some anxiety problems as is, so this will fuck with her head a good bit. And then never speak to her again.
I know it's petty but I want to get some revenge. Anything wrong that can happen doing this? | girlfriend cheated on me early in our relationship, recently found out, I want to go fuck with her head, good or bad idea? |
t3_1seqla | AskReddit | Should I aim for happiness or success? [Serious] | So I kind of feel like I'm standing at a crossroads right now. I have the means to begin a career in a successful field (I.E. Accounting/I.T.) and I am getting some serious pressure from my family to continue down this path in order to ensure that I don't have to worry about any monetary concerns going down the road. But if the last two jobs I've had in these fields indicate anything, it's that I hate having high-pressure/challenging jobs, which are more or less the only kind of occupations that I can find in these fields. I want more than anything to be able to get my happiness straight from my financial success, but it feels like in jobs like that the stress that I accumulate will always be greater than the utility that I pull from the job.
There are other options I can take, and I know it. There are lower-paying, non-advancing jobs that I could probably/might find that would give me some basic pay and would let me live comfortably, but not only would finding a job like that in this day and age be unrealistic, but it would probably estrange me from my family, who are pretty much in denial about the fact that I might not actually want what they want. If I were to do something like this, I can probably expect most to all support from them to be cut off, at least until I'm ready to return to the "correct path of life".
I'm just not sure where to go from here, since I feel like following my family's advice will drive me past the brink of insanity, while following what I want would be VERY risky, and would put me on bad terms with my family. Finding a middle road is something that would be nice, but I have no idea what that middle road might be, or if it even exists. Do you guys have any advise on where I should go from here? | My family wants me to work high-profile jobs that will drive me insane, and I just want a simple, low paying job that would put me at odds with my family. Any advice? |
t3_1fsgk4 | relationships | My fiancé (23m) stays out literally all night while I(23f) am sleeping | To start it all off, we are both 23. We have been together 3.5 years and got engaged at the end of March. I just moved in with him in April and we have a good relationship. We are both excited about marriage and he's very sweet and makes me feel very loved. I love him very much, but there is one thing that is really bothering me.
My fiancé works one week on from 4 p.m. Until 4 a.m. Then he has the whole next week off. I understand that he has a whole different schedule than I do. I understand our need to hang out with other friends. I don't understand the need to go out every single night and get back at 4 or 5 in the morning. We have discussed this several times, and he has agreed to stay home on the nights that I don't get up early for work. That is usually around 3 nights a week. So he has 4
Other nights to stay out and do all he wants.
However, on the nights we agreed that he says in, he will still ask if I mind if he goes out, and I always tell him that I would bother me. He really does not understand why I want him to stay in, and I am feeling guilty. Maybe I am being selfish. I want to know what you all think. | Fiancé works the night shift and stays out all night and home around 4 in the morning on his week off, leaving me at home. We came up with a compromise, but he isn't happy with it. |
t3_4e6cor | relationships | Gf [21f] called me [25m] a loser and whole bunch other names. Together 6 months | Walking home from a club last night gf is asking people for a lighter for her smoke. Theres a group of 5-6 mean looking dudes covered in tatts looking like gangbangers. I try to stop her from going up to them but she pushed me away. All of a sudden shes in the middle of these guys and they start getting touchy feely, one guy puts his arm around her, another puts his hand on her ass.
She starts screaming telling them to stop. I walk up and try to calm the situation. The guys just laugh at me and basically im worried theyll shank me if I get to close. I try to reason with them but they dont care
It gets worse, one guy smacks my gfs ass she pushes him then they push her to the ground and walk away laughing. My gf starts crying and doesnt stop til we get home.
Then the next 1 or 2h im being called a pathetic loser, a b****, a weak ass p*****, for not standing up to them. She goes on about how much she regrets being with me, that my dick is small, that her ex fked her a lot better, that he wouldve done something.
I feel really hurt but also Im wondering if shes right that I shpuldve stepped in even if my ass wouldve been beat. | group of guys assaulted my gf last night, shes pissed I didnt intervene, she said a lot of bad shit about me, Im wondering if I did the right thing. Any opinions? |
t3_25fxgd | relationships | My boyfriend [17 M] and his parents got in a fight. Now he has to do something I [16 f] have been dreading the most. | A little background here first:
Ever since I was in middle school, my parents have always told me that I could not date until I was in college. Anytime I mentioned a boy's name, my parents would interrogate me and try to find out if I had a crush on this kid or not, even though 99% of the time, I didn't have a crush on that boy. And I was (and am) not allowed to hang out with a boy (like just me and a guy), even if it was just a friend. I have recently tried bringing up the topic of dating. Even though I am older, they still think I'm too young to date. They never want to listen to what I have to say about dating. My parents have always been strict about this. So over time, I have been secretly dating.
Just recently, I have started dating this guy. He's really nice and he's a good guy. I have met his parents already. I go over on the weekends to hang with him. Although a couple days ago, him and his parents got into an argument. The argument then began to shift and turned into a whole different argument. His parents then said that in order for us (him and I) to hang out, my boyfriend needs to meet my parents. When my boyfriend His parents have not mentioned it lately though. I would really appreciate if I could get some advice. | BF got into an argument with his parents. Now he has to meet my parents, but my parents don't allow me to date. |
t3_sa4a4 | needadvice | Need help confronting a roommate/ex best friend | I tried to keep this short, but...difficult.
So I fell out with a best friend, N, after we'd signed a lease to live together a little less than a year ago. I think we both played a part in the demise, so I felt like I couldn't hold a grudge without addressing things. I apologized for my handling of things and explained what I did, but I never got an apology out of her, which I found unfair considering all of the things I'd heard she'd said about me after our fallout. We continued being distant and more talking behind backs ensued, but I let it all slide for the sake of our living situation.
Fast forward around eight months later, and I'm hearing of myself being brought up in an between N and a mutual friend, A. Basically, N said that the end of our friendship was my fault because I was too "stuck up" to accept her apologies or something along those lines. I'm enraged because I feel like she's too arrogant to understand that she made mistakes as well on top of the fact that she refuses to address things and would rather brush them aside. It's funny because N and A are no longer friends after a fallout they've just had where N refused to accept responsibility in anything she did as well.
I really want to confront her about her arrogant and self serving approach to her friendships, but I really haven't been involved in her life enough to know how to bring this up without it seeming like a vindictive attack. Any ideas on how to initiate this confrontation? I'm pretty terrible at these things. | fell out with a friend/roommate last summer; kept up minor contact for living situation's sake; hear she's saying things about me that disregard her own faults and want to confront her but don't know how. help. |
t3_2abqxt | relationships | Me [26/m] Had broken up with my gf [25/F] of 8 years. I want her back now, shes seeing someone else. Pleeezz help redditors. I realised I love her and no other. She still holds hidden love for me. But refusing me. Its killing me. | We ( me 26/m and her 25/f) go long back and deep in love. We were together for 8 years. Then things turned bitter and we broke up at my initiative. Its been 1.5 years since we broke up. For the first six months after break up she wanted me to reconsider. I was too stubborn. Now it has dawned upon me and I want her so bad.
But now she's seeing somebody like for six months. I know she holds love for me secretly (I know that cause Ive learnt to read her very well over those 8 years). I want her back, I want the little family of a son and daughter we had imagined together. | Redditors! Please! Help me get her back.. il be so happy.. it is all I could ask for. There is nobody in this world that could love her more. Please please help! |
t3_32rnmq | relationships | Me [16/M] having personal issues about girlfriend [16/F] Constant anxiety and fear | Alright, so this is a high school post. I know I'm a bit young, and this is actually my first relationship. So, we've been talking/texting for weeks and recently just got into what you'd call a relationship. The only problem is technically me.
I am utterly terrified of becoming "boring" in text/real life conversation. I over analyze things so much, and the thought of this going south scares the piss out of me. So far, the conversations have been going great. Sometimes I can notice there is just periods where I lack the material to initiate a new conversation or keep it going. I don't know if my motive to keep her laughing and interested does me a disservice. What should I do? How should I treat this like? | Got into a picture perfect relationship with an amazing girl, worried that I can't keep up the entertainment and conversations regardless of how much we have in common. |
t3_145xh5 | relationship_advice | What is the possible aftermath of a breakup? | I (M22) have been debating breaking up with my girlfriend (F25) of 9 months for many reasons. I have really grown to care about this girl, but I feel that I am falling out of love with her as a means to protect myself because she is an emotional mess at times.
Our relationship has been very rewarding, but there have been multiple red flags that have accumulated over time. I have come to the opinion that she has low self value, and acts out as a means to cope with this. She has the whole 'self empowered woman' attitude, and can be very delusional of this very evident self esteem issue she has in lieu of her pride.
My evidence of this is how overly needy she has become, the little things becoming big, her jealousy, her dysfunctional family, her past alcohol and drug use, and her relationship history which she has neglected to have ever reflected on with the purpose to not repeat past mistakes. I have talked to her about all these things, but it can be very hard to hear your flaws from a lover. She has made a huge effort and continues to grow, which leads me to believe she can change, but I am not here to fix her, and I am getting tired of fight for the relationship. Please keep in mind she is not a deprived psycho, but merely a grown woman with a lot of issues to work though.
In the end it makes me feel like I am not very special as I am depended on to fulfill her need for validation, and furthermore that I cannot trust her. I feel that if I stay with this girl and keep investing her that I am going to get really hurt. i also feel that for her to be in a loving relationship, she must first love and respect herself.
So, my question is, what kind of behavior should I prepare myself for if I break up with this girl, and what have any of your experiences been in breaking up with similar people? Should I expect pleading, anger, revenge tactics, rebounding (on her part), etc., and if so what is are the best methods/mentalities to have regarding the situation? | a bunch of ranting bullshit about my relationship/what to expect in breaking up form a clingy girl with a lot of emotional baggage. |
t3_2f6gs3 | relationship_advice | [20/f] Wanting more from my friend w/ benefits (22/m). | I just realized that the guy that I am crazy about doesn't want a relationship. Sadly, it took me a year to figure this out. We were having a friends with benefits type deal.
I don't fit in with his circle of friends, nor do I feel welcomed. His typical routine is wake-up early to go to work (5am), come back home (5pm), play video games with his friends, and go to bed (10pm). When we do hangout, it's late at night or early in the morning. I feel like I'm not a very high priority. His friends are always at his place. I don't want him to pick between his friends and me; I just want to be included in some of his plans. Everything about this frustrates me. Realistically, our communication isn't very well established either. I don't even know what I like about this guy. I love cuddling with him.
I want a relationship; so that I can call him my boyfriend or text him/call him without any hesitance. However, I don't see the possibility of a long-term relationship. It's not that I don't trust him, it's more like I don't have the connection developed. Currently, it's better for me to not be in a relationship, due to tough college courses and academic commitments.
What should I do now? What's the best remedy for getting over him? I'm trying to get over him. I'm limiting my contact with him. I will only text back, if he initiates it (unless I absolutely need to tell him something...which is rare). I'm experimenting how much he "misses" me. I don't want to break off the friends with benefits instantly, because it is nice having this. When I think about breaking all this off, tears start to form in my eyes.
Any advice would be great! Thanks. | Fell in "love" with a friend with benefits; Guy doesn't want relationship; Slightly heartbroken; Needing advice. |
t3_w6w1m | relationship_advice | [20/f] caught my boyfriend [21/m] looking at topless pictures of his ex... | So the whole story: We were watching a movie on his laptop and when it was over I closed the window, only to find a file open and the file had a few topless pictures of one of his ex's in it. He *claims* that he was just going through old files deleting things when he happened upon them, apologized profusely and deleted them. I have no reason to disbelieve him but I can't let it go. I accepted his apology and everything but its been a few days and I'm still thinking about it, it's really shaken my trust.
I am really not a jealous/clingy/controlling girlfriend I swear! But, part of me wants to tear apart his computer looking for something incriminating.. So reddit, am I overreacting? Should I talk to him more about it? Why can't I leave it alone? | boyfriend claims to have accidently found old nudes of ex while cleaning his computer out, I am secretly freaking out about it |
t3_4g2yzu | tifu | TIFU by microwaving my smartphone | Posted from my laptop :<
Not much to say except I'm an idiot. I made soup and I poured the soup into a bowl, covered the bowl in a paper towel and put the bowl on a plate (because after being microwaved, the bowl would be too hot to pick up). The fuck up was, I was waiting for my roommate's dinner to finish microwaving, so I was surfing Reddit on my Android phone and I left the phone on the plate next to the bowl when I ran into my room to check my laptop. (I'm a CSGO player and my team was trying to queue for a comp match, so I was keeping an eye on things.) The only reason for why I didn't put it on the counter is that our kitchen counter is filthy, but honestly I was thinking more about Counter Strike.
Well, we'd queued and warmup was running out so I ran back to the kitchen, put my plate and soup bowl in the microwave, set it for 3 minutes and raced back to catch the first round. About a minute later, this awful, toxic smell comes from the kitchen, and my roommate screams "Our microwave is on fire!" Well, he overexaggerated a little but my phone had certainly caught on fire and little flecks of it were shooting off, painting the inside of the microwave with molten plastic. This horrible chemical smoke was everywhere, we've had the windows open for almost an hour and we can still smell it. I'm still within warranty, but I have a feeling Verizon isn't going to buy that it was a design defect. | left my Android phone on the plate when I microwaved my soup. Gave it a nice molten plasticy, toxic smoke flavor. |
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