id
stringlengths 8
9
| subreddit
stringclasses 29
values | title
stringlengths 2
300
| post
stringlengths 1
2.32k
| summary
stringlengths 70
278
|
|---|---|---|---|---|
t3_3x98rf | legaladvice | Past Landlord (in MD) lied about my tenancy to future landlord (in CA)-what recourse do I have? | I'm getting ready to move into a place here in CA and the landlord contacted me to say that my past landlord said I was an unsatisfactory tenant. In my discussion with the CA landlord, apparently the MD landlord told him that I was high maintenance because I emailed a lot (there were often problems with appliances and in going over the emails, I always gave at least a week before following up to un-responded emails) and that I had my "big, menacing brother come and threaten her husband" on move out day.
A back story to that: the lease was through the 1st, but they had another couple sign the lease that started the 1st. They wanted us to accommodate them, but we could not and her husband showed up at 10 am on the 1st and verbally assaulted us as we were moving out. I called my brother (who is 5'7" and maybe 150 lbs) as support as I was starting to get uncomfortable with the landlord standing over us as we're moving things and yelling. My brother calmly spoke with the landlord and the landlord seemed a lot more copacetic (he stopped yelling and was more calm).
From what CA landlord has said, MD landlord has spoken non-truths and I am no longer eligible for the place. Is there anything I can do as the MD landlord's lies/defamation are preventing me from getting this place? | Old landlord told lies about me to new landlord and now new landlord won't rent to me. Anything I can do about old landlord lying? |
t3_2cq14y | relationships | Me [18 M] with my girlfriend [18 M] of 6 months, I ended it but want re-assurance. | I had trust issues from previous relationships and my ex-girlfriend would constantly attempt to re-assure me she was different and that she didn't want to do that. She would often go away with her college for weeks upon end and I wouldn't speak to her that often in that period.
One time she came back and as soon as we were back we were arguing and it ended up getting to the point where she was like "I don't know if I can do this any more." We continued arguing and she came over a couple of days later and it ended up being pretty awkward and we had make up sex. Things seemed better, but she got a text while she was in the bathroom so I checked her phone.
In short terms, it was some guy seeking attention with phrases like "I'm ugly, no girl wants me" and she would reply giving him an ego boost. And these texts included like, a huge amount of kisses, like "xxxxxxxxx" at the end.
The new text from him was something along the lines of "I shouldn't have kissed you" and when I confronted her about it she said he attempted to and she brushed him off, but I couldn't trust her and we broke up, and she ended up getting with him about two weeks later.
This is all in the past, but I want to be re-assured that I was right. | Relationship is dead and gone but want re-assurance I made good decision and wasn't a trust-phobe. |
t3_n25w3 | AskReddit | My Debate with Rick Santorum, requesting help finding information. | Hello Redditors, first time poster here.
This evening, Rick Santorum came to my school. As it would turn out, I was the actual only current student at my small conservative college in Iowa to get the microphone. Trust me, I had both Rick AND the audience working against me here.
My first question for Rick was simple: What would his administration do to help alleviate the rising cost of tuition and help graduates who enter the job market with high amounts of debt?
His first question for me was "Well, do you know all of the factors leading to the higher cost of education?" Unfortunately, I admit ignorance. Basically his explanation was that the government assists too much with the cost of college for students via pell grants and other subsidies that drive the cost of college up.
I would like assistance finding data on this matter, because somehow his claims do not add up.
However, my second question pertains to his religiousness and his politics. I cited the book of Amos as an example of God's intolerance for societies that abuse the poor. I also cited the fact that Amos (and God) would be disgusted with the fact that we have 45,000 Americans dying in our streets annually, and when he asked me where I got my information, I froze. Fortunately, my friend and I were able to look it up and discover that it came from a CNN report, and I was able to tell Rick that on his way out. His response: "Wow, I didn't know CNN did reports like that."
After the Q and A was wrapped up, two reporters, One from CNN and one from MSNBC (actually works in New York on the Rachel Maddow show) wanted me to get back to them with more information to support the questions I had for Rick.
Any sort of help and support is welcome!
Thanks! | Anxious, couldn't think straight while being assaulted with questions, would like assistance finding data on all of his remarks. |
t3_3kniyc | relationships | I [17M] have recently started seeing another guy called Billy [20M]. It's been a month and I'm very confused about how I feel, should I end it? | Towards the end of this summer, I began talking to a guy on GRINDR and after a few days we decided to meet as he only lived around the corner from me. First impressions were good, he was kind and funny, with a good looking face, and genuinely fun to be around. The Idea was to see where things would go from spending time together.
After a month of hanging out, countless dates and casual sex, he had to go back to Uni a few cities over (about and hour and a half away) and I've only just got back from his house now as I went to say goodbye.
Heres the issue, all the time I've been with him (sexually) I've never felt as excited as I feel I should. Yes, he can arouse me, but apart from that I don't feel as drawn or attracted to him as I have to others before. In every other way he's perfect, and this is a genuine case of "It's not you, it's me".
Not only this, but I don't have the pounding heart or fuzzy feeling in my chest that I have gotten so often before with others. He's going away to Uni for a year, meaning I won't see him as often, and I don't even feel as bad as I feel I should. I don't miss him in a romantic way, I only miss his company.
I really don't know what to do. I think that I don't want to end it, but I don't know if that's because I'll miss him, or the fact I'll just miss having that connection with someone. I've never been in this situation before and I could use some advice.
Should I end it before it gets serious?
Or should I stick it out in the hopes of feelings developing?
Thanks for reading. | I've started to see a guy I met online and it's been about a month. He's everything I'd want in a guy but something inside me just doesn't feel right. Should I end it before it gets serious? |
t3_3dhy83 | relationships | Me [30M] with my girlfriend [30F] never communicated before but now she's seeing someone new we've been more honest and open. | We've been together for 5 years and almost 1 year additional for a break. It ended in resentment and we never explained our feelings openly when it happened. She resented things that I did or haven't done for her over the years. I resented her unfairness and only seeing the issues one sided.
During the 1 year break we got back together for a few months and I thought things were going well but she broke up with me to pursue someone new. She still had resentment from our past and was mad that I let her leave so easily.
The "letting her go" was almost 3 months of her coming home late (she's since moved out) and avoiding me and me getting angrier about her not wanting to talk about things, but never actually telling her how much she meant to me. She's always been insecure and I felt that my actions showed how much I loved her but I wasn't good enough.
It felt out of the blue when she said she was pursuing someone else but changed her mind a week later saying she wanted to work things out. Then changed her mind again and she's now with him.
I've had so many different feelings about it. I've finally told her all of the feelings I've had and explained my side of every issue we've had. I feel like this is the first time we could be truly honest with each other, as things can't get any worse.
She's told me he doesn't measure up to me and she misses me. She's still seeing him an she's scared her actions have made us unfixable. We ended things 2 weeks ago and it's not getting any easier to deal with. I'm afraid to let go or to let something go unsaid. I feel like I have to make things right and accept my faults and forgive her. I want her back.
Has anyone been through something like this and been successful? | We had a relationship full of insecurity and resentment but now we're more open, i want her back and I'm sick about it. |
t3_2pzfkp | relationships | Me I [25 M] just found out that my Fiance [M] of a year cheated on me. Once, to my knowledge. Am at a loss. | I found out last night that my fiance of a year (In a relationship nearly 4) has cheated on me. He left his facebook open and there was a chat with suspicious content, which I then scrolled up on.
I texted the guy and he confirmed everything.
A bit of background: he is in the navy and I am not. He is regularly away for long periods of time. Currently he is back home with me every other weekend, which is nowhere near as bad as some separations we have gotten through.
When confronted, my fiance tried to lie his way out of it. I had to slowly add on to the question for him to realise he was rumbled.
I left for a drive that night, contemplated extremely stupid things, but basically just had some huge un-manly cries.
Back in the flat today, I feel too numb to make a decision either way. He knows that I hold my morals so dear that he fully expects this to be the end of us, however I can't quite make that decision. I had been planning christmas at home with my family and him. All of our presents are joint-presents. I can't bring myself to ruin christmas.
Also an issue, all of the bills, the rent, everything is in his name. If I upped sticks, I would leave him in a lot of financial trouble. I can't do that to someone I love(d).
And finally, I just want to believe it was only the once, but he is far too convincing a liar (I now know) to ever be sure.
I want us to be as we were before.
What I would really appreciate advice on is whether it's possible, with someone you love, to ever get over something like this and have a functioning relationship again?
Do people ever stay with partners who hurt them this bad?
My mind speaks a lot clearer than my heart on the matter, but I find myself trusting each equally. | If a partner cheats one time, is that it for the relationship and everything you've built? Is there no way forward? |
t3_41s7s2 | relationships | The girl [19F] I [19M] got pregnant wants to put our baby up for adoption, I disagree and its affecting our relationship | So around four months ago, I hooked up with a girl I met at a party and got her pregnant. She told me about two months after we hooked up, and we came to the agreement that we would keep the baby and raise it.
Unfortunately, her parents are really conservative and religious, so when they found out she was pregnant, they kicked her out and told her she was on her own. The one time I met them to try and convince them to help us out, they called me the n-word and other racist shit and completely disregarded what we said, so I've given up on getting help/support from them. They haven't spoken to her since. After that, she moved in with me into my apartment.
A couple weeks ago, we were watching TV, when she suddenly turned it off and told me we need to talk. She told me she changed her mind about keeping the baby, and told me after our child was born, she wanted to put it up for adoption. She also said that she wasn't ready to be a mother, and felt like it would be best for both of us if we put the baby up for adoption.
After she said this, I completely disagreed with her. I felt like we would be making a big mistake if we did this. I felt a responsibility to take care of our baby, and felt a connection to it over the time she's been pregnant. I also told her that over time she'd most likely feel a stronger connection to her kid, so making a decision right now wouldn't be ideal
After that day, we stopped arguing about what to do, but our relationship has become really tense. We hardly speak to one another unless necessary, and there's a lot of friction between us. Before this we were also becoming really close, I guess you could even say we were dating.
I really want to fix this, and I'm not sure how. I care abut her, and our child, and I'm trying to think of what to do or say to help this process occur. Any advice given would be appreciated. | My baby mama wants to give our kid up for adoption, I disagree and our relationship has become tense. How to fix this? |
t3_1eq08e | relationships | My[19M] girlfriend[18F] is contemplating breaking up with me, what do I do? | We've been together for 8 months now. For the first few months, everything was perfect. We both were very happy and she was the first one to tell me she loved me. Back in February, her and her only real friend had a falling out and our relationship hasn't been the same since. I took her virginity and she recently told me that she thinks we had sex too soon. How do I help her remember the good parts of our relationship instead of her dwelling on the bad? I love this girl and I know that if she could remember the special parts of our relationship then she wouldn't want to break up with me | How do I get her to remember the good parts of our relationship instead of her focusing on the bad and avoid us breaking up as a result. |
t3_2e1984 | relationships | My ex [17F] broke up with me [17M]. Quick question. | Backstory: We had a great relationship (lasted 5 months), but unfortunately I was an asshole and I hurt her too many times, and she just can't forgive me anymore. She expressed that she still is deeply in love with me and I expressed that I would like to get back together with her, and that I don't want to let her go. She told me to give her space and I did.
I did no contact and this is the 2nd week, and I get a message from her saying "Why have you not fought for me ? I want you to fight for me but it seems like you've moved on like I was nothing". Her message broke me because I was extremely heartbroken from the breakup and although I did work on myself, I am far from completely moving on.
What do you think her message meant reddit ? Was the breakup a test to see if I truly loved her and would fight for her ? | gf broke up with me for being an asshole, I want her back so badly, she wants me to fight for her, and im lost and confused, I have no clue how to proceed. |
t3_4th83d | relationships | I [20F] can't stand my father [M58] | I don't think it's healthy that just the sight of my dad makes me angry and my whole demeanor changes. I think I might actually hate him.
Deep down I know he's tried his best to be an ok dad, but he's made my life hell. He's an alcoholic with some anger management issues and half the time refuses to take his medication.
I wish I could have a less strained relationship, but I'm not able to move out and live on my own yet (I do go away for school which is my only escape). I'm also filled with so much self-hatred every time I say or do or think something that reminds me of how he would act because I don't want to be anything like him but I'm scared I can't help it. | deeply resent my dad, scared I'm becoming like him and don't know how to make the situation better for everyone... |
t3_3cx6mk | relationships | My ex [20 F] broke up with me[20 M] almost 2 years into the relationship. She now has a boyfriend two months later. | Backstory: She was my first GF. We started dating in May 2013, got into a relationship in July. A year into our relationship I found out she was still talking to her ex, and told her I didnt appreciate it and asked her to stop. She went behind my back and continued to do so (her ex was long distance) she would even Skype him. I didn't find this out until Feb. 2015. And our relationship deteriorated. She told me she was going to use the summer to take a break and stop talking with him, which I wholeheartdly believed. I thought about breaking up, even lurked on this subrreddit about people going through the same thing and wanted to, but I couldn't do it. She finally broke up with me because we fought a lot, mainly about her talking to her ex.
My ex broke up with me back in April and left for the summer to work in a different state. Yet we kept talking like nothing had happened. When she finally got up there she would call me crying and I would be there with her and help her out. It felt like we took more of a break than actually broke up, but as time went on she proceeded to get colder towards me until I finally asked why. She has a boyfriend. She is there for only a month longer but it really hurts me and I don't know how to deal with it. I blocked her on everything but she still attempts to contact me. I just want her out of my life but I can't stop thinking about her, and when I think about her I just get angry.
This is my first time posting, plus I'm on mobile so I'm sorry for any grammar/ spelling errors. Sorry about the wall of text, I can't really figure out how to edit it to look proper yet. | Ex broke up with me, continues to contact me. Feel like I was led on because she has a BF. Told her to stop and she continues to do so. |
t3_243t4j | Parenting | Anyone else out there think birth pain is over estimated? I didnt think it was that bad am I nuts? | So ive done two natural births with 2 8lb healthy babies and I was expecting the worst but over all it was just really uncomfortable. I even had bad tearing but didnt realize until they told me. Am I just lucky? Whats with all the drama? I was so worried because your whole life you hear its going to be the climax of pain but its just really crampy and tiring. Anyone else have the same experience? Anyone have a totally different experience with super natural pain that haunts them still? Its such a fascinating subject and yet both times I was pregnant and trying to research what it would feel like there was very little out there of much use. Half the people I encountered described misty-woo-woo enlightenment with metaphorical butterflies and unicorns bursting out of their pussy chacra, the rest made it sound like a battle with a live 10lb kidney stone dragon. Only one woman said to me its like a bad period. What was yours like? Dads- is it worse that we remember? I once read that after birth you get a brain chemical dump that makes pain memories fade so we don't fear having more kids. | I completely respect every birth experience out there! Thank you for the helping of humble and the fresh perspective. I really just didn't know. |
t3_2z3zup | relationships | I [20M] have developed feelings with someone [20F] only a month after my first breakup. | When the girl that I loved most dearly decided that she no longer loves and then broke up with me... I was utterly devastated but what can I do?
Anyway, during those weeks of sadness and grieving over the breakup I had started talking to a girl I have known since Primary school (equivalent to Elementary School in the US). We had been speaking on and off but she recently got back in touch a couple months prior to the breakup. We have talked and talked and we have gotten quite close.
The dilemma is that it's only been a month since my first breakup and I'm scared that I've rushed into things too quickly and that I'm not thinking straight - I can't deny having feelings for her however.
My plan is to wait another month or so before I tell her but even then sounds a bit too soon. I understand that my mind is all over the place but what do you guys think? | Girlfriend broke up with me and then roughly 1 month later I have started developing feelings for another girl I have grown close to - advice needed! |
t3_40scoy | tifu | TIFU by finding the lost Key for our Server-Room at work | (I'm no english native speaker)
This happened about 2 Minutes ago.
I wanted to change the hard drive like every day to keep our data secure. But as I was trying to enter the room where we keep our Server the Key of the door wasn't there...( note that we lock that room everytime but keep the key in the lock)
I was searching for it but it was just gone. So i asked everyone in the office i could find, but no one had taken it. I even informed my boss about it who was not amused. And so we investigated together. Who was that dumbass that took the key?
A few minutes later i was sitting at my desk, about to write a mail to all my coworkers, when my instructor came to me. So appearently she was able to put 2 and 2 together. We keep some beverages in the same room as our server is in, because it's chilled in there. And I was having a bottle of Lemonade...
I reached in my pocket to find that damn Key.
I'm so ashamed. | Key of a door at work was lost. I told everyone in the office to find the idiot that took it. I was the Idiot... |
t3_3dslbt | relationships | My [F21] (ex) boyfriend [M21] tried to kill himself after I broke up with him. Should I go see him in the hospital? What do I do? | We have been together for almost 2 years. Over the past few weeks he has been bringing up the topic of marriage. During the course of our relationship I had become comfortable with him, but the concept of marriage woke me up and I realised that he's not the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. He's only the second guy that I've been in a relationship with so I don't have a huge amount of experience with men, but if I'm being honest I think that I can do better than him. I know that sounds horrible, but I'm trying to be truthful so you can understand.
Four nights ago I ended it with him. I just told him that he wasn't the person I wanted to be with. He told me that it was fine, that he understood and that I shouldn't feel bad. Then he ushered me out of his apartment. At the time I was actually relieved that it went down so smoothly. The next morning I woke up with several missed calls from his sister. I called her back and she told me that he tried to kill himself. She said he cut all the way up his arm, drank drain cleaner and swallowed lots of pills. He's in the hospital now. He was put into a medically induced coma so that the swelling in his brain could go down.
I told his sister that we had broken up just so that she knew. But she's giving me updates. I haven't gone to see him. Later today they're taking him out of the coma. They're not sure what brain damage may have been done. I don't know what to do. Should I go down and see him? Am I better to just leave it now? I have no idea. | I broke up with him 4 days ago. He's been in a medically induced coma ever since. He's coming out of it today. Should I go see him? What do I do? |
t3_20l4f6 | relationships | She is frustrated because he makes promises and never keeps them. He is frustrated because he feels she is too pushy. [26F, 24M, 5 yrs together] | We're very different people. We come from really different cultures. We're at a breaking point, and I want to see if this is salvageable. I'll try to write this as impartially as I can.
My issues:
- Although I feel like I've changed a lot of things in myself for him (and made big sacrifices for him), I do not feel like he does the same for me even though he keeps promising to.
- He constantly makes promises (big or small) and then forgets about them/doesn't keep them. Promises are a huge deal for me. This has been going on throughout our whole relationship, and hasn't changed even though we've almost broken up over it a few times. He's still making some big promises about the future (moving to be closer to my family). I don't know if I believe him, but I really want to be closer to them.
- In arguments, he rephrases things he said before/lies in order to win the argument. Ex: I remember him saying "I promise I will do this". Then, in the argument he tells me he never said that.
- He prioritizes his needs/goals over mine.
His issues:
- I'm too pushy about him changing (My side: I'm at the point of going crazy/ close to just calling it quits. It's been 5 years and nothing has changed.)
- Why can't I (the gf) be just happy.
- It hurts that I don't trust his promises anymore.
- In his culture (Venezuela), saying "I promise" actually just means "I'll try my best to" (said in defense of not keeping promises)
We have 4 months to decide whether we want to get married (his visa expires). That is putting even more pressure. I don't want to get married unless I know I can trust him.
I hope I was impartial. I love him but I'm at a breaking point. Is this relationship salvageable? How?
Can anyone play out his perspective for me? | We're very different people. We come from really different cultures. We're at a breaking point, and I want to see if this is salvageable. He never keeps his promises to me and I need advice. |
t3_11fkdh | relationships | Boyfriend (M21) has become distant due to work | When my current boyfriend ( M21) and I (F20) began dating (8months ago) we spent a lot of time together. He would drive 20-30 min to see me everyday because I do not have a car at the moment and everything was perfect.
Now in the past 3 months things have changed. We still talk on the phone, but he rarely comes and sees me, once maybe every 2-3 weeks. He says he has to work because he is going through economically hard times and is struggling and in due time things will get better.
But, i miss him and as much as I am trying to be understanding I feel he is more and more distant. I'v now become suspicious and moody, and our conversations have become more bitter. When I bring it up, he becomes defensive and accuses me of not understanding because I come from a family with money.
I have deep feelings for him so I am not sure whether to wait it out or just end it once and for all because it not the relationship I expected? | I am resented because my boyfriend has become distant due to work and I am not sure if I deserve better or I am just being selfish? |
t3_1ncx3m | loseit | Feels great | today i was at the gym working legs and shoulders and i see two guys threw the corner of my eye making fun of me (my love handles and wide feet) i start getting insecure about myself and am contemplating leaving as im almost done or confronting them. im a big guy but im strong. i see them benching a plate and a 25 i ask them if i can join in they say yes as a joke thinking they are stronger then me. the bigger guy finishes his set struggling im up next i take off the 25 and throw another plate on there the bar now weighs 225 they get behind me with a huge smirk as they think i will not be able to hit it but i got this i pump out a solid 10 with ease and the bigger guys tries it and barely gets 2 i now i have a smirk on my face and add another 25 to the bar totaling the bar at 275 pounds pump out another 5 get up shake their hands tell them im only 17 and walk away feels really great (: | at gym guys making fun of me for being fat go up to their rack as they were benching ask to join in show them up like crazy walk away feeling great (: |
t3_4itpqn | relationships | Me [16M] my junior prom plans went up in flames, i thought I was doing the best I can with the hand I was dealt, but my friends basically mocked me for trying | Hi Reddit, so I just need a outside perspective. I should be sleeping but I am sick as a dog at the moment, coughing and a runny nose is keeping me up.
So this Saturday is my junior prom and my date ditched me. I am not really upset, her ex wanted to give things another chance and she wanted to go with him. She apologised to me probably a million times, it's fine I understand prom is more of a couple thing anyway.
I don't want to third wheel my friends, I figured fuck it, fuck prom. I'll make it my own night. I have a whole list of activities I can do planned out for Saturday night, apparently there is a circus somewhere in my town, movies everything in-between. I am just going to make the best of a shitty situation.
My friends started ragging on me about how sad going to a circus on prom night would be. I told them the things I was going to do and they crapped all over my plans. It has me thinking is going to the circus on prom night sad?.
Is it sad that while my whole year level is there, I am going to go see the captain america movie?
Because believe me, if there is one thing I have learned in my 16 years of life. There is no so such thing as a fairy tale ending and I am doing the best I can with the hand I have been dealt. But I feel shit because apart of me thinks, what if they are right.
What if I do look like a loser on Saturday night at the circus and at the movies by myself. | My prom plans went up in flames, my friends basically made fun of me for making the best of a shitty situation. Is going to the circus and movies on prom night sad like they claim? |
t3_j7q36 | AskReddit | Running into a situation with my lady... Looking for a little guidance... | Hello Denizens of Reddit!
I have been a long time lurker and this would be my first post. I have a predicament and I just need to vent it out and see how others may view the situation. I am engaged to a lovely girl. She is everything I could every hope for in a life partner, and I would do anything to make her happy. We both come from different backgrounds but who doesn't... She has two significantly close friends a male and a female. She is flying out to visit her close male friend this week before he is shipped off to Afghanistan. I have meet this guy before and he's a really cool guy and I trust my fiancee completely. They are just really close friends. My problem is that she wants to sleep in the same bed with him. It is something she has apparently always done and it has never been a big deal in the past with her ex. (He knew the guy as long as she did) She says she isn't going to have sex with him and that its not like they are going to cuddle, but the thought of my fiancee sleeping in the bed with another guy bothers me. I tell her this because I can't just lie to her and pretend I'm not bothered by it, and I didn't tell her not to do it. I would never sleep in a bed with another girl especially since I am engaged. I believe that there is a level of intimacy involved with sleeping in the same bed with someone. We have discussed things and she understand my side and her side, but the situation did not feel like it came to a complete close before she left (No Coitus!). She doesn't want to hurt her friends feelings by saying I need to change our friendship because of my relationship. What are your thoughts and/or similar situations? | My fiancee is flying to see an old friend before he leaves for Afghanistan and wants to sleep in the same bed with him... |
t3_388tqh | relationships | My [23M] Gf [23f] just moved into her own place and her ex is helping her with floors and just bought her a cat. Should I be ok with this? | Hey guys (and gals), this is a throwaway because I'm slightly (possibly more) paranoid.
I've been dating this girl for 6 months, and every month was fantastic, like a honeymoon faze that felt everlasting.
However, this last month has been pretty terrible. While the place she bought is not too far from her current residence, the stress has really impacted our relationship; we've only had sex twice in the last month, we argue more, and we don't have much time to see each other.
Her ex of 3 years is still very friendly with her, she thinks of him as a best friend. He offered to help do the floors of her new place, and I told her I had no problem with that. She found out I did when i had a few drinks and texted her something rather rude by text during another argument.
We had a long talk and agreed that we need to be honest with each other about how we feel. Things were good for a week or two.
I messed up last week and accidentally told my friends I'd go up north with them when I told her I'd help her paint. I still helped her for one day but I wasn't there when she needed me, and I regretted it immediately.
So yesterday, I had a slight panic attack during the day of how I was supposed to fix this and worrying about her leaving me, and she texts me saying her "friends and family" bought her the cat she really wanted, but soon after revealed it was her ex and his mom who bought the cat for her. I replied with congratulations and joy, but I felt horrible on the inside. I love this girl more than anything, but the combination of her ex doing all this stuff for her, and the struggle her and I are having, I'm trying to figure out how I'm supposed to react.
I want to fix things, but I also don't know if I should be jealous about this ex situation. Any help on this is greatly appreciated, and I'm very sorry about the novel I've written above.
Thanks. | Gf and I having trouble, her ex doing favours for her, I don't know how to feel about this. |
t3_1ebmmn | dogs | My dog won't eat... | So... apparently I have the most picky dog in the world, that or I'm a jerk owner, not sure which. (also keep in mind, this is the most submissive dog in the world) So, I used to keep dog food out in a bowl all throughout the day and let him eat whenever he wanted to. Well, I noticed that he was starting to eat less and less and just kept turning his nose up to it. (this was about 3 years ago.) He literally started getting so skinny that you could see his bones.
Well, I talked to the vet to make sure he didn't have worms or something, which he didn't, and the vet told me to start feeding him twice a day instead of keeping the food out all of the time. I did this, and it worked. Well, eventually I had to move back in with my parents for about a year and a half, and they don't believe in "dog food" and instead just fed him chicken breasts, etc.
Well, I moved out in December, and I initially started doing my feeding him Iams dry food twice a day. Well, eventually he stopped eating, again. He would go literally like a day and a half without eating. I've changed dog food brands several times, and he'll eat it for like two weeks, then just stop eating for days. I've even started trying to feed him canned food which he has never turned down, until today. I got so mad today that he didn't eat that I screamed at him, and I'm pretty sure that didn't help anything and now he's probably afraid to eat out of his bowl because he's submissive.
He's gone almost 2 days without eating, and just keeps turning his nose up to the food. The vet has confirmed again that he doesn't have worms or anything. What should I do? | My dog will eat for about 2 weeks, then stop eating for days until I switch brands of dog food. How the hell do I keep him eating? |
t3_2ksgn4 | tifu | TIFU by revealing two of my sons Christmas Presents early. | So this was from a couple days ago, but we need some backstory before we go into the actual FU.
So my son is a huge gamer, he's 14, and goes on about how we wanted a gameboy color for christmas so he could play the original Pokemon Crystal or Red, so I get this idea: "Buy him a gameboy color!".
About a month goes by and I've ordered the gameboy and a few other presents. Now fast forward to a couple days ago, before we get home from school I tell him I need to get on the computer before he does because I need to check if a salad spinner I've ordered was delivered. We get home, he's standing behind me, not really paying attention, when I pull up ebay to see: "Congrats! You've won the Salad Spinner! And also heres a giant picture of the Fall Out Boy concert T-Shirt limited edition you ordered!".
Dammit. One present revealed.
So I walk away all angry to get a package that had been delivered from ebay a couple days ago, and me, not thinking straight, give it to him and tell him to open it. He (who was still laughing) picks it up and says: "What if I opened this and it was a completely different present?"
I hope you see where this is going.
He opens it and low and behold, there lies the turquoise gameboy color, the gold mine of a present for my son. And I blew it. | I revealed a T-Shirt for my son on ebay and gave him a package from ebay thinking it was said T-shirt. Turns out to be the gameboy color that I had ordered for him. FML |
t3_4305fv | Dogtraining | Dog keeps licking other dogs privates. | Hey!
So real quick I adopted a un-neutered 3 year old Lab last year. We lived on our own for a almost a year together than I moved back to my parents house although. They only live here during the summers and holidays. At first my parents Morkie didn't like my dog very much but towards the end of summer they were very good together so my parents asked as long as I'm living there can I take care of him. It's no big deal at all but about September or October my Lab started to always lick the Morkie's private area a lot. It's always like a few licks until I catch it and say no then he stops. He also at times gets infatuated where an area the Morkie has been laying and will smell it/ lick it after he has moved. I've googled it and everything I've seen is either a joke or doesn't say why so I can't address how to fix it. | my dog lived with my parents dog for a few months weren't best Friends. A few months more go by and now he's always trying to lick his junk. |
t3_1pb27w | AskReddit | How far do you draw the line of being honest? | This is mainly posted because of something that came up as a teacher that I can see happening again - but I'd also like to hear your experiences, and of course, I'd really appreciate some advice
I cut myself on and off for about ten years and I'm now training to be a teacher. When I taught last year, a pupil asked me what my scars were from and I didn't know what to say. I am of the opinion that you should be honest with children - and I've no problem with sharing to - but I'm not sure that it's entirely appropriate in the classroom. I'm working in a school very soon and I'm sure it will come up again. My clothes generally cover them but, e.g., my jacket rides up if I'm reaching for something.
If it happens again, or if it were to happen to you, what would be an appropriate answer? | should I be honest with my pupils if they ask about my self harm scars? And have you been in a situation where you've had to bring your own honesty into question? |
t3_3625cx | relationships | Me [28 M/F] with my ___ [25 M/F] 4.5 yrs, we have talked about marriage, but I dont feel ready for marriage yet. | Hi r/relationships
I have been dating this wonderful person for nearly 5 years. We rarely fight, when we do we always find a way to make up. They are beautiful, intelligent, and I would be devastated if I lost them. But I am having trouble coming up with a time frame for when I want to propose.
I've set all sorts of life goals I wanted to have achieved before getting married such as graduating colleges, paying off my debt, fixing my ruined credit (i was unemployed and depressd for 3 long years, they were my savor during that time) and having enough money to pay for a beautiful wedding for me and my loved one.
I am still at least 2 years of hard work away from accomplishing even 1 of these goals.
So my question r relationships is am I being selfish. I know that none of my unaccomplished goals are a deal breaker for my SO. If I proposed with a piece of string as a ring they would say yes. However, I don't feel as if I am ready to be married, but I'm afraid of waiting too long and disappointing my SO and all our families by not proposing.
I would also be happy being engaged and delaying the wedding until I had finished some of my goals, however I feel that proposing and delaying the wedding is.... wierd and very non committal. And would be cheating my SO and I out of a normal wedding experience. | not being pressured into getting married, but feeling bad for not proposing after almost 5 years. Are my insecurities about getting married valid? |
t3_3jmkp5 | Parenting | I'm (25f) scared to leave my daughter (2mof) alone with my mums bf (40+m) | Since being pregnant and after having my daughter, I've started to get anxious about the idea of my mums partner being left alone with her when they are babysitting. He is difficult to describe as a person, but there is something about him which has always given me the creeps.
They have been together for over ten years, but my brothers and sisters and I have always felt there was something not quite right about him. The only real example I can give which confirmed his creepiness was when I was still living at home with my sister who was 16 at the time. She had gone to her prom and I was in my room when I heard her come home at about midnight. I then hear my mums bf start talking to her as she comes in the door, he had been sitting there in silence on his own. He starts asking her if he could take some photos of her in her prom dress and tells her that my mum had asked him to. I can hear my sister trying to ignore the subject and go to bed, he then follows her up the stairs and again asks for photos. She says no and he finally leaves and goes downstairs. I asked my sister about this the next day and told her to ask mum about it, she told me she spoke to our mum who confirmed that she had asked him to take photos but I know this can't be true as my mum had taken photos before my sister had gone to the prom.
We have never spoken about it since and I know it is only one incident but it has stuck with me ever since. I do not trust this man with my daughter but I don't want to stop my mum from looking after her grandchild, I honestly cannot think of anything I can do. I worry that maybe I'm being completely irrational but my instincts are telling me to be careful of him. | Mums BF tried to take photos of my teenage sister and now I'm scare of leaving my daughter alone with him, but I don't want to stop my mum from looking after her granddaughter |
t3_vhi47 | AskReddit | Reddit, have you had a phase were you acted not like a complete different person? | I am normally a pretty shy guy, but a couple of years ago I decided to go to a major festival in my country. Besides our supply we went to a discount and bought crappy stuff you might have fun with at a festival, including some fairy wings. At the first day we all got pretty drunk, the weather was amazing and I decided to take off my shirt and were the fairy wings just out of fun - maybe for the picture it is important to note that I bleached middle long hair REALLY light some days before. The fun part began when some girls decided to improve my costume by drawing some stuff on my skin. After drinking a lot more I decided to take a walk. The others were amazed by my wings and offered me more drinks and food if they can sign on me: Well, that is a hell of a deal! This went on and on for the next hours and after just 2 or 3 hours of sleep I got up and continued my mission bringing other people the joy of my company.
Long story short: I don't remember very much the following 3 days, but when I sobered up I my skin was completely covered with permanent ink - yes, even the private parts - I had a hell of a sunburn and pretty much everybody at the camping site knew who I was.
The best part was around 2 weeks later I found out that permanent ink can act as a sunblocker, which made the drawings permanent for the rest of the summer. | Got drunk at a festival 3 days in a row wearing fairy wings 24/7 and getting my skin covered with drawings. |
t3_2fy9n8 | relationships | I [16M] have a huge chrush on my best friend for 6 months [16F] and now shes too close to my exgirlfriend. | We have been friends for over 3 years and she was one of the few reasons I broke up with my previous girlfriend. I really liked her and I really fucked up by sending her to go help me ex get through the breakup.
At the time it seemed like an amazing idea at the time, I thought it was perfect because the faster she got over me the faster I can confess to my best friend.... I have regretted this everyday sense.
I knew they had gotten much closer then normal, but 2 weeks ago I found out how close they really are. For the past 2 weeks I have doing my best to find some sort of solution without making anyone feel bad.
I have asked my friends and now I finally give up because I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm scared that if I do anything as reckless as what I did or I'm really going to regret it. | I am falling head over heals for my best friend who I sent to go help my ex girlfriend get over me. Now shes to close to my ex and I dont know what to do. |
t3_134hlq | dating_advice | There is this girl [17] and I [17] told her that I like her, after I was really sure that she does, too... | Having heard lots of naughty comments for me from her best friends, them telling me to "kiss the girl -I like- so that she shuts up" and many more, like, everytime I'm out with her and her friends, she turns her back to them so that she speaks to me. Anyway, after a party we had at a friends house, I told her I really like her, that she is an amazing girl and asked her if she wants to be my girlfriend. The next day, she told me that we need to forget everything from last night and meet up, so we discuss alone. I obviously, wanted a meeting, but as students going to different schools, we barely have free time. That day we talked for about 2 hours (via facebook), about the fun parts of last night's party. The next day, she logged in to facebook only for 40 minutes (usually she spends about 1-1.30 hours) and didn't talk to me. Today, the second day from then, I asked her if she could meet me at wendesday afternoon. Said to me a cold "no".. Then I told her, to tell me when she will be free and replied with "kk"... Haven't talked since then.
>I think I love her, /r/dating_advice .. She, showing me that she likes me, and I loving her, I was happy. Now I feel bad.
What should I do? | I told a girl, who I thought like me, that I really like her and now she doesn't talk to me. |
t3_17gyqg | relationships | Life is full tension living with fiancé AND grandma AND mom | So a few months ago my fiancé (f 23), my grandmother, (83) mother (53) and me (m 22) moved to Florida together from the Northeast. Things start out good, but after we all get used to each other, things start to get tense. Keep in mind, that this is the first time my fiancé is living with us. Before this, they had visits every other weekends with her and things were casual, but not like living together. Things are to be expected to be different, and even hard to get used to, but I've been stuck in the middle with so much, its starting to drive me insane. Fiance will complain to me about how grandma and mom handle things. Mom and mom and grandma (ESPECIALLY grandma) complain to me about how fiancé handles things.
It becomes so overwhelming. The problem is, they are both wrong. Fiance tends to be extremely moody, and can spoil a whole day with her selfish attitude. She doesn't take a lot of consideration for others. But when she does, she's freakin fantastic! Everybody loves her. Then on the other side of things, grandma wants everything like the 50s. She expects fiancé to be exactly like the way she wants her. She is a retired business person and expects her to be like an employee more the anything. She wants fiancé to be like the way she wants her. She is very manipulative to everybody, and is very territorial when it comes to any in-laws. Yet when she's good, she's an amazing person and mentor. As you can see this is a lot of tension, and stress, and underlying nit picking. I need help trying to figure out how to cope and manage. | Living with my fiancé, grandma, and mom is great but very stressful when they don't get along. Many times both are in the wrong. Its driving me totally insane |
t3_39ih8r | legaladvice | Old apartment complex is holding my mail, didn't notify me or return to post office. (Florida) | Today, I found out some of my mail and packages have been being sent to my old apartment. There are at least two known packages that were shipped to the old address, with a total worth of $200 ($135 and $65). Because my purchases have gone missing so often, I insured this last one ($135). When I asked the sender where the package was, they informed me it had been recieved and showed me a screenshot that the package had been delivered. I noted that the address was wrong and that it had been sent to my old apartment. The sender called the landlord (which is a housing complex) and one of the employees said that they had the latest package right there and to come and get it. However, they claim to have no other packages and none of the packages have been returned to sender. I am currently in a small claims court fight with the apartment complex because they refuse to return my security deposit and refuse to tell me why. I believe they are holding my mail and not forwarding it or returning to the post office out of spite. How do I get it back, how do I prove that they are keeping it, and is what legal reprecussions could they face? | Old apartment complex is accepting all my mail and neither forwarding it or returning to th post office. How do I get it back, and is what legal reprecussions could they face? |
t3_2uubna | relationships | Me [21 F] with my roommate [26 M] of 2 months, who acts abusive towards his girlfriend [25F] but bizarrely nice to me? | Hi Reddit, this is a throwaway because I would hate to be on the wrong side of the people I'm posting about.
My roommate 26M moved in 2 months ago. His girlfriend hangs around here a lot and he frequently acts abusive to her. They had pretty much started dating around the time he moved in. He cheats on her a lot and rages at her a lot. I'm not entirely sure if he knows I can hear him rage at her.
For example, this morning I heard him (through the wall) say "what the FUCK are you staring at me for? what the FUCK are you looking at?" (obviously to her) and he sounded so incredibly rage-y that I was worried he might punch her. Later this afternoon, I hear him yell at her and call her "a fucking idiot" several times on the phone. That was just today.
There have been numerous other times where I have heard him raging at her etc. It didn't used to happen often - maybe like once every few weeks but today it happened twice. Dude is huge and muscle-y and definitely used to take steroids (he told me) and seems terrible at controlling his temper.
For some strange reason, he has NEVER acted out of line towards me at all whatsoever. He's never been anything BUT incredibly friendly. We aren't friends really but the stark contrast in the way he treats his gf vs. the way he treats me disturbs me. He FREQUENTLY invites me to hang out (which I frequently decline), asks me about how my schoolwork is going, does other things a nice person would do etc...I hear him be a raging asshole to his gf and then he puts on this creepily nice charade with me and probably others.
I'm not really friends with either of them, but I barely know the gf at all and would consider myself to know my roommate better.
Reddit, is there anything I can/should do? | My roommate is abusive to his gf but has always been nothing but nice to me. Is there anything I can/should do? |
t3_1ccop0 | jobs | A strange situation involving LinkedIn | Okay, so this story requires a bit of background. When I moved to my current location, I applied for lots of jobs. I didn't hear anything back from anything for awhile, and then I got a bunch of interviews and a job offer. I took the first offer I got, and continued to get phone calls for other interviews. I ignored them because, well, I wasn't expecting that I would be job hunting again so soon. Probably a mistake, I know, but I was dumb at the time.
Fast forward 5 months later. I dislike my job, particularly the 50 mile each way commute. I'm looking for closer work. A job I had applied to previously (and was called about an interview, to which I never responded) has come open again. I was thinking about applying for it.
Now here comes the weird part involving Linkedin. Someone who works at that company (and, by the name, related to the owners but not a part of this particular project, I don't think) added me on Linkedin. I have no idea where they got my information--perhaps from a mutual group, I'm not sure.
So here's the question: Do I just apply normally, disregarding the Linkedin business? Or do I message this person with something along the lines of "Thanks for adding me! I saw that your company has a position open, and I'm really interested! Who would be my best contact for more information?" The person listed on their job ad is not on his Linkedin. | Interested in a job, someone at the same company randomly added me on LinkedIn. Do I use that connection or just apply normally? |
t3_11fxuu | relationships | Concerns from [F23] on beginning a relationship with difference of beliefs with [M23]. | So for the past few months, I've been sleeping with a friend of mine. We met as kids and kept in touch over the years. Recently we both moved and ended up living 15 minutes away from each other, so we started spending a lot of time together. I've always been attracted to him and he's confessed feelings for me before (I was not single at the time) and so far, the sex has been fantastic and we have a lot of fun just hanging out, too.
Hanging out with him several times a week, I've gotten to know him even better and feel I'm developing real feelings and am considering pursuing a relationship. However, there is one caveat: He is Catholic, and I am an atheist. He doesn't care about this and he is very accepting of alternate belief structures. I am completely accepting of other peoples' right to believe whatever they please (so long as we're keeping it out of politics) but there's something about the idea of dating someone who believes in a deity that rubs me the wrong way. To be blunt (and I mean no offense to anyone here, but I'm trying to portray why this is an issue) if someone is religious, I automatically lose some respect for them. He is a very smart, talented man but I can't help but feel annoyed when he mentions something about his spirituality. It drives me absolutely nuts! I know it's probably some deep-rooted issue because of how I feel about religious pressures from my family growing up, and the effect I've seen it have on laws in my state, in particular. I know it isn't his fault, but I can't help it.
Has anyone here been in a similar situation? Were you able to look past it or was is a deal breaker? I feel like I'm being ridiculous but I've always felt this way -- all of my exes were atheists as well (not an easy feat growing up in the bible belt) and so I never had to deal with these feelings before. | Developing feelings for my FWB, who I know feels the same way. Concerned that his religious beliefs would cause too much friction. |
t3_2b9i0g | relationships | Me [17 M] was just told by my [17 F] girlfriend of two months, that before me, she had unprotected sex twice. She told me she was a virgin. | This shit may get long so hang tight.
My girlfriend of two months had told me just before we had started dating that she was a virgin and had only done other "stuff" (Not sex) with one other guy. Fast forward, we start to date and things are going swimmingly until one night (last night) she sends me a text around 12:00 am.
We get to talking about random things whatever, until i notice that she is acting drunk. I ask her and she is and we continue talking until she starts telling me about how she hates all the bad stuff she has done in the previous year. She says she is a completely different person from all the first things she has tried. I knew before she even said anything what this meant but i kept pushing just waiting for the bomb. She tells me how she got drunk the first time this year, smoked weed, and the big one, she had sex. **Twice**. She doesn't seem to remember when she told me she was a virgin so I ask her who with and etc, and she says she regretted it both times. Then here comes the part that has me feeling a new emotion that i can't explain.
She had unprotected sex both times.
This was a huge shock to me. She was a Virgin till marriage a year ago, and now she had unprotected sex. I am just shocked that,
1. She had unprotected sex once.
2. She did it a second time.
3. She doesn't seem to think/care about the unexpected pregnancies or the STD's
I just need some help to explain what I should do if anything. I really wouldn't care about her hooking up with people in previous relationships, but the fact that she regretted it once and then did it again. Both times unprotected.
Am I being irrational and making this a big deal or should I break off all contact between us? I just can't stand the fact that she was stupid enough to have unprotected sex twice and lie to my face.
Any help is appreciated, sorry for the rant.
Thanks. | My girlfriend lied to my face about being a virgin and she had unprotected sex with two different guys, now I am conflicted. |
t3_v797w | relationship_advice | [20/f] and my bf [22/m] said something a few weeks ago that's still kind of bugging me (maybe I'm overreacting?) | We've been dating just over a year.
A few weeks ago we were talking about chicks that are strippers so they can pay for college. I'm about to start pharmacy school (which is super expensive) so I asked "What if I wanted to do that?" he said he'd be okay with that.
I'm not the type of person that would ever be a stripper...ever...so this kind of bothered me. I asked if he'd be okay with all those guys putting their hands on me and he still said yeah if thats what I wanted to do.
I got kind of mad and was shocked that he would let me do something that he knew I would regret. He got kind of mad at me and said he would let me do it because he doesn't want his girlfriend to hate him.
I know I may be overreacting but reading into this it seems like he would let me do whatever I want even if it could have negative consequences and it's starting to make me feel kind of uncomfortable about our relationship. | boyfriend said he wouldn't care if I became a stripper even though he knows it's something I would regret...will this apparent lack of concern be an issue later on in our relationship? |
t3_2qvysj | relationships | Boyfriend would prefer an open relationship, I'm not interested. | Ok. So recently it came to my attention that my (21F) boyfriend (21M) would prefer to have an open relationship. We've been dating about 3 1/2 years. I was a virgin when we got together, he was not. We waited 8 months to have sex. I'd say he's definitely more adventurous than I am. He has expressed interest in trying threesomes, which I've turned down. We've done anal once upon his request. He feels I'm not interested in it but I've told him if he buys some lube I'm down to try it again.
I think the fact that he PREFERS an open relationship is important here. He says that while that's what he would prefer, he is ok with continuing to be exclusive sexually. He says that if it came down to either breaking up and being with other people, or staying together and only having sex with me the rest of his life, he'd choose the latter. He says there haven't been any specific people he's wanted to sleep with, just the general idea of restricting sex to one person doesn't make sense to him.
I have a strong aversion to open relationships. I find no fault in them, they just aren't something I'd be ok with. I have absolutely zero interest in being with anyone but my boyfriend. We both feel that our sex life is being affected by the fact that he isn't able to have sex with other people, though he hasn't said that he thinks those effects are negative.
I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe just some insight from anyone else in this situation. Can this difference in preference ruin our relationship? How do I get over this feeling that I'm not enough for him? He's done nothing wrong and I know he loves me. I'm just trying to wrap my head around this. It's got me feeling pretty confused. | Boyfriend wants an open relationship but says he's fine with not having one. I am sort of hurt that he wants other people. |
t3_msixw | AskReddit | Question from a Washington Post reporter: what is the media missing about Reddit? | So: full confession, I'm really nervous to post this. It's much safer lurking. But at some point, I gotta make the leap from longtime lurker to actual participant. So, hi Reddit! I'm writing about the crazy, wonderful, chaotic messy being that Reddit is. It seemed silly to write about you guys without asking all of you for a comment. So my questions are: what does the rest of the world miss about Reddit? What does the media miss about Reddit? What do you like best about Reddit? What do you hate about Reddit? Thank you for any answers and also thank you for just generally making this an awesome site to visit.
Now, [CAT] (Yes, that was a cheap shot to make you like me.) | I am writing a column about Reddit because I love it and stalk it like an ex-boyfriend named Craig who *now* decides that he's ready for a little commitment. Tell me what the media doesn't get about you. |
t3_1n52bc | relationships | My bf [23/M] of 1 year has his dream job in CA. I [21/F] just got offered a dream job in MD. Help?! | By dream job, I mean that I'll have a great starting salary, be part of a leading name in my field doing really exciting research that I love and have a passion for, and have access to fully paid for part-time education (right on the company's campus, too) to get any number of MS degrees or Ph D's that I want. His dream job is co-running his own start-up, which being a tech company kind of requires his presence in silicon valley. Also he can't force his co-founders to move.
We're both in engineering, so theoretically it'd be possible to find jobs anywhere (ie, I could probably maybe find one near him, or him to me), but in practice this is a lot more difficult. The goal for me was to stay and work in Cali, but I don't know what to do now.
One idea was doing LDR for awhile, but if I take this position, I'd probably be here for at least 5 years to get at least one part-time degree. Can a relationship last that long with distance this far?
This would also be my first job out of college (I'm not even graduated yet). Is it too early to be sacrificing my career goals for a guy?
It's also very early in the recruiting season. Is it too risky to say no to this now and keep looking, hoping something else will pop up in the next few months? I graduate May 2014. | Got offered a dream job that's 2k+ miles away from my boyfriend's current dream job. Does anyone have experience with/insight in navigating decisions like this? |
t3_3vha0g | relationships | I [17 M] am having trouble trying to get to talk to this girl [17 F] that I would like to get to know before H.S graduation | It is the 2nd quarter of my senior year of high school for me, and I've developed this massive crush on a girl (single). I have had crushes before, but never quite like this one.
Sure, there were times where I would be attracted to a girl because she was "hot", but this girl puts butterflies in my stomach from just thinking about her. I find her extraordinarily beautiful, and she has a great personality that I think I would be able to get along with given some foundation, and she is smart. Basically everything that I am concerned about. She's not trying to make herself seem sexy, just stunningly gorgeous.
The problem, though, is I just can't seem to come up with anything to be able to get to talk to her or anything because of the circumstances in which I am able to see her.
The only times where it would really be possible for me talk to her at this point is during our only class together, English. And even in that class, when I get to talk to her for a small amount of time, either just before class or just after, I have only gotten off small conversation, and I really haven't been able to think of anything to make it lasting.
I would actually want to get to know about her hobbies and what she does outside of class, I'm genuinely interested. About myself, I think she might be interested if I mention how I program for fun sometimes. Or, that I like some of the same TV shows she likes, and have read some of the same books she has.
But really I just don't know how I could even get to any of this in a conversation. Sorry if I am overloading you guys with information, I just have a lot on my mind about this girl, especially considering the fact that this is the last year I can get to talk to her since we likely won't be going to the same college after graduation. Any ideas? | What can I do to build a relationship with a girl I like, given me being slightly introverted and her not really knowing me well. |
t3_308ja9 | tifu | TIFU by fucking up my cover letter for graduate application | This actually happened last weekend but i didn't realise until today when I was going through my stuff...
So last week I was applying for a business/commerce graduate job that required a cover letter along with academic transcript and resume. My academic marks are nothing spectacular and i was basically relying on my cover letter and work experience to hopefully get an interview.
Then i saw what i wrote last week which was "return OF investment" instead of "return ON investment". So now i sound like an idiot who doesn't know shit to do with business and i can't even resend my cover letter since the deadline was last Friday.
So basically, i fucked up...hard and most likely will not even get a reply from the firm which i really wanted to work for. I know i sound silly at the moment and it may seem like a small thing to certain people. However, this position i want is very competitive and i may have ruined any chances i have because i didn't pick up on it during my proofreading time. | didn't proof read properly for grad application cover letter, hate myself and possibly be fucked once i am graduated from uni |
t3_2cyz4t | tifu | TIFU paid on my credit card bill wrongly and now am down over 3k and leaving on a holiday in 4 hours time. | My main bank account which my pay check gets paid into has a wonderful feature where you can save people you constantly pay to.
So i have saved 3 banks for my 3 credit card bills
as i will be away on my holiday for the next two weeks, I decided to pay one of my bills which would be due while i am on holiday. So i check the statement and it is 3.2k.
I then logged into my bank account and made the payment. Only to find that I have chosen the wrong payee bank account and paid into it..
So i called up my bank but they said sorry it is processed already and the only way is to call up the payee bank to ask for a refund. Only it is after office hours and I can only call them on Monday. Meanwhile i have to make the payment again to the correct payee bank for the CC bill... so now i am down 6.4k and leaving for a holiday with very very low funds in the bank | I paid to the wrong credit card and my bank account has taken a big hit, while i have to head for a holiday with low funds in my bank account. |
t3_4i9n48 | relationships | Boyfriend [21M] of 1 year is convinced my nephew [5M] is sexually attracted to me [20F]. Should I end things? | So this came yesterday out of the blue.
He was over at my parent's house with me and my sister and nephew for dinner. After dinner we were watching TV and my nephew came to play some games with me (which I enjoy a lot). After that night boyfriend said that he's been looking at nephew closely and he clearly sees a sexual attraction and I should stop seeing him for the time being for him to forget about me.
I mean WTF is this? Do 5 year olds even know what sex is? He is my little nephew and I love spending time with him. We talked about it and he told me that we should reach a compromise, maybe I shouldn't play games with him or hug him or whatever and see him less often.
I don't know what this is coming from. This is a very weird and creepy way of looking at the world in my opinion. Ever since that conversation I don't feel good about him at all.
Can his concerns be valid or is he being completely unreasonable? | Boyfriend believes my 5 year old nephew is sexually attracted to me and wants me to stop playing with him. Should I end things? |
t3_1qx3li | relationship_advice | She [20/f] went from feeling we had something special, to just wanting to be my [23/m] friend, in a day. What happend? | I [23/m] asked out a girl [20/f] in my class. I'd been interested in her for a while, and I kind of felt she felt the same way about me. So, she said yes and we went on our first date. It went well and I asked her out for a second date, which sort of worked out well.
We ended up back at my place after a few drinks. We cuddled for a while, she telling my she really liked me. Me telling her I really liked her. We talked about having sex now, or waiting, as it was just our second date. I told her I had no problem waiting, as I really liked her. Fast forward half-an-hour and we're having sex anyway, because we both wanted to.
The morning after we have breakfast and go for a walk. When we get back to my place I ask her when we can see each other again. That's when she tells me she's not sure she's ready for a relationship. She broke up with her ex-boyfriend about a year ago and was just now learning to be a young, independent woman. Also, I'm leaving in two months and I'll be away for four months finishing up my degree, and she said she was afraid long distance wouldn't work and that she'd end up hurt.
I'm just wondering: **what happend between her telling me she felt the same connection to me as I to her, to not wanting a relationship at all and just staying friends?**
Also: how can I show her I respect her independence (as I too don't want to completely let go of my own independence), but at the same time I'm interested in having a relationship that I think would survive four months of being apart? I don't want to pressure her in to a relationship. | Girl I went out with went from saying she wanted to be with me, to wanting to be independent and not thinking a long-distance relationship for four months would work. What happend? |
t3_230a78 | relationships | I [21/F] stopped taking medication and am no longer interested in sex with [27/M] BF (2 years) | I have been on different anti-depressant medications since I was 13. It definitely was necessary as a teenager, but I feel like I should try living without it now that I've passed through puberty. I didn't tell my boyfriend that I stopped about 3 months ago because I didn't want him watching me like a ticking time-bomb, but I know I've changed slightly. I get very weepy about everything, happy of sad, and I've become more defensive about things that we used to simply joke about.
But mostly, my libido has just gone out the window. We used to have sex every day, but now he's lucky if its twice a month. And when we have sex, it's completely unenjoyable for me. I turn away so he can't see how much pain I'm in or how sad I am. I'm afraid that the lack of sex will make him resent me, and if I tell him I'm not taking my meds, he might decide that he doesn't love non-medicated me. | I have no sex-drive after stopping taking anti-depressants, and I'm afraid my boyfriend won't love me anymore |
t3_2a0i8j | relationships | My friend (24m) has repeatedly told me that he is in love with me. I (22f) don't quite know how I feel | My friend and I are really close, we've known each other for four years, lived together for three months last summer. He currently lives in his hometown 300 miles away because he couldn't find work after college (has been unemployed for a year). I'm finishing up school at the moment and really busy.
He told me that he is in love with me, and I made it clear that I wasn't interested, since I didn't find him attractive, doesn't seem to be particularly ambitious (never had a job before or connections through college, so no work comes his way), and doesn't even like to go out.
I do find some good traits in him, he calls me out on my shit when it is necessary, is there for me emotionally, and we can talk for hours about almost anything. He's taking better care of himself physically, and although I don't want to seem vain about this, he is starting to look attractive now that he is working out.
I am at a point in my life where I want to stay away from relationships. I find peace in being single, in enjoying my time with friends and family, and in focusing on my career goals. I'm just not sure of where I want to place him in my life.
There's a part of me that wants to reciprocate feelings because he's a wonderful guy who has there for me through my worst, but he has some serious red flags in terms of what he wants to accomplish with his life. There's another part of me that just wants to wait until graduation to try to get back to dating and maybe find someone that I absolutely like, rather than someone I feel I've been forcing myself to see in that light. | Friend told me he is in love with me. Part of me wants to return his feelings, the other just wants to continue being single. |
t3_3kmkag | relationships | Me [28 F] with my partner [49 M] 3+yrs bought a house together, living together 2+ yrs, we're really happy, thinking of a silly modern day relationship proposal without legally getting married | I don't have really any relationship complaints to voice here, there are challenges, but nothing we can't handle together.
We both make good money as dual income multiple advanced degrees in technical field. He has a previous family with kids that are graduated/graduating high school within next 3yrs. Things have been complicated but I'm used to complicated and we just fit so well together. I've never been a big fan of the legally marrying, at least without a prenup. We also definitely don't want any kids together, I've thought long and hard and never had the mom kick. We bought a beautiful house together this year, with a legal co-ownership agreement and mutual life insurance policies to cover the pretty large investment and liability. From my eyes, after seeing so many divorces, bitterness, etc, I think people should stay in relationships as long as it makes both parties happy. When it doesn't, then communication, and when that fails it is time to move on.
I've been thinking about buying myself a cubic zirconia wedding ring to fend off advances from other men. We are practically married and at my age I still get hit on a bit. I could tell him I want it to be a gift from him to be symbolic, but that isn't particularly romantic. We are planning a vacation to Caribbean in November, so I had this crazy idea... why don't I propose a silly mock wedding, buy our rings, and treat it like a honeymoon. No legal filing. I think it sounds really romantic and sweet, but I'm concerned it could come off as too pushy crazy stereotypical "marry me!!" I could write a song and bring my ukulele, have some silly rings, and basically say some vow on how I am looking forward to our lives together now and in the future. | Feeling unsure about surprising my partner with a symbolic mock marriage during our vacation. If he reacts negatively or confused of my motives then it could put a hamper to the good times. |
t3_35rjzf | personalfinance | I'm about to sublet an apartment off Craigslist sight unseen, and I don't want to get burned. Advice? | Hi everyone! I'm new to personal finance, but I've seen some great stuff on here, so I'm hoping you can help me out.
I'm moving out to New York this summer for a two month internship, and need an apartment. I've found what looks like a great 1 bedroom apartment in the Washington Heights/Inwood area for $1500, which is reasonable rent for those neighborhoods based on my research.
My biggest challenge is that since I am from across the country, I am not able to go see this place or meet the tenants in person (or any others) in advance.
I've Skyped with the tenants, and they seem like genuine people (I know that doesn't mean much, but it did make me feel better about everything). They gave me a virtual tour of the apartment.
They also supplied me with a copy of their agreement with their landlord giving them written permission to rent the apartment for the time they are gone. I then called the property management company and confirmed that they are the tenants and do in fact have permission to sublet it.
I've read through the proposed sublease multiple times, and everything looks good.
The tenant has sent me a copy of their ID as well as a reference.
As a final precaution, I've asked if I can have a friend come meet them and check out the place. They have been very open to that.
The proposed payment right now is a bank (cashiers) check by Express Mail, for both month's rent as well as a $1500 security deposit, for a total of $4500.
Basically, everything is checking out, but I'm still wary of getting burned. Is there any thing I am not thinking of? Does this sound legit? Would you guys rent this? Have any of you done something similar?
I'm looking for any advice/tips/personal experiences you can share dealing with renting on Craigslist and what to do or not do.
Thanks so much! | I've found what looks like a great apartment on Craigslist, and everything seems to check out, but I want to make sure I don't get burned. |
t3_jr7l7 | AskReddit | Nice To Meet You: What're your 'greatest moments'? | Anyway, what're *your* greatest moments when it comes to meeting someone new?
Here's mine.
So, not too long ago, I was with some friends. We were alone in a pretty big house, so we did what any sensible group of upstanding citizens would do: we decided to get shitfaced. Long story short, we were through three or four games of beer-pong and had made plenty of progress on some absolut and jagermeister.
Then one of my friends' girlfriend invited some friends over, two more girls. Sounds perfect, right? Well, the thing is, they got there, there were some more games (corners... I think...) and more drinking. As time passed, I started to talk more and more with one of the newcomers, henceforth known as Jane. We talked about music and learned that we liked the same sort of stuff, we both liked to dance, and were having a good time. There was laughter. There was merriment. There was pizza.
It didn't take long for me to come to the totally reasonable conclusion that we were in love, or at least that I was. It all went downhill from there. I took every opportunity to flatter her, and I'm fairly certain I managed to creep her out (no need to get into that particular bit). Then, inside ,I found a pen. I wrote Jane's name up and down my arms. And fell asleep with them above my head. By the time I'd woken up, she was gone and had left a note, saying she'd had a good time (the note was for the friend's girlfriend).
This would've been a normal case of drunken stupidity, were it not for the potentially long-lasting consequences. The friend's girlfriend is moving down to the city I go to college in (me and her boyfriend met at college last year). Jane is going to be her roommate. | Met someone, creeped on them, and wrote their name on myself in pen over the course of one evening. And I'll be seeing more of them. |
t3_1ht9kq | AskReddit | My ex-wife keeps visiting my personal blog. I need some brilliant prank ideas. | My ex-wife and I went splitsville in 2009, and it wasn't very civil. She really hates me, and it kind of feels good. We got married really quickly and I knew even during the ceremony of our wedding that it was the wrong thing to do, but went through with it anyway with the intention of turning a blind eye and making it work.
She made some awesome homemade macaroni and cheese that I ate and then told her that it was over and I didn't like her or love her. It was pretty cold, but it was the truth. I think she feels the sting every time she thinks of me.
By the looks of my google analytics account and a little sleuthing, I see she's been visiting my website about 2x per week.
I barely post anything - I'd say about once every 2 months or so, but I'm ready to post crazy things just make her crazy.
What ideas do you have? | Ex-wife hates me, visits blog I barely update 2x a week. Let's prank her, need ideas. |
t3_4k3pgz | Dogtraining | My dog snapped and aggressively barks at only one person | I have an 1.5 year old Irish Water Spaniel (the breed tends to be wary of strangers and can be protective of their owners) but other than being shy at first, she's never snapped at anyone. It takes a couple visits for her to get comfortable with others, but once she does, your her new best friend. I just got a new roommate (friend from HS who's back in the area) and I've never seen my dog so aggressive. She looks at him and barks angrily while running forward. Later in the day, I had both of us sit on the ground and feed her favorite treat, she ate it, and the 3rd time once finished, he tried petting her under the chin, and she snapped hard at him. Again, I've never seen her act like this to anyone else. Is there anything I can do, or do some dogs just not like a person for some reason (smell, size, etc)? | My 1.5 puppy is very aggressive to only one person (who I know has not done anything to her in the past). Not sure what to do. |
t3_cvxrc | relationships | Am I being reasonable, or trying to have my cake and eat it too? | Hey reddit, I will try to be concise.
I've been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend since junior year of high school, basically. We are now going into our second year of college. Despite apprehension on his part, we tried the long distance thing last year. It didn't go well, understandably considering he's not the most communicative by nature, and we study at opposite ends of the US.
It came to the point where at the beginning of the summer, I impulsively broke up with him out of frustration from lack of contact. We got back together and decided to see how the summer went [we are in the same city for now]. It has gone very well, however come September I fear it's gonna be the same old story.
After extensive ruminating and mulling it over, I think I've come up with something that could work for us. I am confident that we could work together very well if the circumstances were in our favor, but they aren't. In addition, I feel that we both need some time to grow and discover ourselves apart from each other. My idea is to propose that we table our relationship, until such a time as it is viable/the circumstances are better/more in our control. Right now, no matter what, we can't be together properly. So, I want to say to him, let's table it and revisit it again at the end of college, if it's still something we want when we can actually make it happen.
What do you think? Is that insane and selfish of me, or does it make sense? From a guy's perspective, does it sound utterly mad? | Boyfriend from high school, going into our second year of college. Studying at opposite ends of the states. I want to say to him: |
t3_48k28s | personalfinance | Debt collector called, panicked and hung up phone | Hey PF,
Yesterday a debt collector called and was quickly asking to confirm my address after barely giving his name. I asked him who he was calling on behalf and he said some debt collection service. At this point the conversation was moving extra fast and I was caught off guard because I typically keep a tight tab over all my expenses. I didn't write down his name or company, although I do have the number he called from in my call history. I asked him what the debt was about and he said something about Ebay for a couple hundred bucks. I've never bought or sold anything through ebay although I believe I have a personal account (can't recall, extra old account). I said I think there is a mistake I don't believe that is my debt. He was rather strong willed and continued to just keep asking questions which just left me flustered. After denying the debt and saying it was a mistake I panicked and hung up the phone. I remember an ebay person calling a few months back about something similar I believe and I thought whatever was the problem then was resolved. I just checked my credit score online from a free service my bank offers and nothing looks suspicious, but I'm left with a fury of questions I hope you all can provide some clarity on.
1. Should I call the credit places and pay for the lockdown/monitoring service I've read about on PF?
2. Who do I call back? Who would I even ask for? Do I try and contact ebay first? do I try that number on my phone?
3. If and when I speak to the collector (I assume I'll have to) do I just deny/say it's a mistake and ask for proof? What else do I need to ask about/do while on the phone with the collection service?
If there was anything I missed that is very very key in this kind of situation please let me know as this is my first time dealing with this and I'm always very wary of giving out personal information. If it helps I'm 24 and live in California. | Debt collector called and I panicked and ended the call. After searching online a bit, I need more direction on what steps to take next to get this situation resolved. |
t3_c9j76 | relationship_advice | How do I deal with rejection after 4 years? | We were high school sweethearts; dated from age 17 to 21. We had our share of trials (abortion, my friends didn't like her, ultra-religious parents) but we loved each other very, very much. Or so I thought; she left me 3 months ago because she was, "...tired of the struggle, the unappreciated effort, the inability to help, the loss of friendships..." I had also been out of work for several months and consequently moved back in with my parents.
I stupidly googled her username and found a post from a month and a half ago where she talked about her new boyfriend. I was absolutely crushed. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't focus, no appetite, the whole deal.
I still carry a torch for her, and I feel like I've repaired my situation (job, school, etc) enough to be the partner she deserves. I've also distanced myself from the friends I accidentally turned against her. I frequently feel like drafting the love letter of the century for her, or calling, or visiting with flowers, but with the news of a new boyfriend I'm just ill.
I'm a young guy, obviously, and I have plenty of chances to meet other people. However, I feel like I will always regret not knowing if she would take me back. | Lady left me after 4 years, quickly began dating again, I feel like shite, would like to know if I should just move on or continue chasing windmills |
t3_1kk0rm | relationship_advice | [24/m] I'm very inexperienced and looking at going on a date with a fellow expat. Could use some advice and some opinions? | Hello!
I'm an American living in another country and I've made plans to hang out with a South African girl I met a few months back. We're both in country for another 6 months or so, but after that neither of us really know where we'll be going. I have trouble living in the moment, so I keep thinking about that deadline and it makes me a tad wary about getting serious with someone, I'm curious if other people think that's something I shouldn't think about.
I'm also super inexperienced when it comes to dating in general. I was at a pub with this girl and we were flirting and having a good time, but I ended up leaving early as planned due to being a tad sick. If I'm being honest with myself, I also probably bailed because I don't really know how to go about taking a girl home and I felt like that expectation was there a bit. She was disappointed that I left early (as am I in retrospect,) but we made tentative plans to hang out. Other buddies at the pub were quick to point out that I blew it, but I'm not really looking for a random hook-up.
I'm also a virgin, which I feel a little self-conscious about due to my age. While I've had a couple of girlfriends, my only lengthy relationship was with a girl who didn't want to have sex before marriage, and I never got the hang of taking somebody home as I mentioned before.
I really like this girl. | I guess I'm mostly just looking for advice on how to go about dating somebody as an inexperienced virgin. Who doesn't know where he'll be in six months. |
t3_1mt00u | relationship_advice | My [18/f] gf is very unaffectionate & I cant stand it. But their actually may be a hormonal issue to explain it.... | 18/m been dating for a little over 2 months. Shes my first gf.
Ive talked about this issue with her and she is admittedly naturally an unaffectionate unemtional person saying thats just how she was raised.
Shes unemotional, except shes always happy and gets excited easily. They seem to her only main emotions I see. Imagine a puppy running around all excited at the new world hes just been born into. That's her.
She doesn't cuddle up to me when we're sitting together, doesn't initiate any hugs, kiss, anything sexual etc. No cute couple shit you'd expect in the average relationship.
It makes me question all the time whether shes even sexually attracted to me or whether she actually likes me. Objectively theres not much to show she does. Ive never had a girl made me feel so insecure about my emotions.
**Example**: We don't kiss hello for some reason. So I asked yesterday why we never kiss hello but always kiss goodbye. As I talked about it I could see how uncomfortable she was getting even though I tried to keep the topic lighthearted. She eventually kissed me kinda to shut me up. Asked about it later and she simply said shes not used to kissing hello and she doesn't do it.
With this **hormonal issue**: Recently discovered she got her period really late into her teenage years and when was 17-18 got prescribed the pill by her doctor to help regulate her cycle. She said it kinda helped but it made her very emotional. To this day she hasn't got her period in 4+ months, she only gets it a couple times a year. Im no expert but im pretty sure thats NOT normal for women.
Could her lower levels of estragon explain this lack of affection and emotion? I think If she agrees to go on the pill she might actually turn around and show these emotions.
My main concern is I dont see us getting into an emotionally and sexually intimate relationship when I cant show her affection because I know she doesnt really like it or show it. | Gf only gets her period couple times a year which may explain lack of effection and emotion because of low levels of estrogen. How do I deal with naturally unaffectionate gf and create an intimate relationship? |
t3_3ygya2 | offmychest | struggling to deal with former relationship and I hate myself for it | I've been seeing my current girlfriend for 6 months now, and I'm really worried that emotions pertaining to my ex may pop up.
To put things in perspective, up until recently I have had a bit of a hero complex when it comes to relationships and my ex was in dire straights for most of our relationship. When my ex and I decided to end it, within two weeks of us breaking up she had (as well as her friends) messaged me to say that she had slept with at least one other guy because she "couldn't bare to think you [rei154] were my last", but had also contracted an STI off him. As well as this, her addiction to Marijuana grew stronger and it became harder to be around her, because at the time I still loved her. Over the next year, shit kept happening to her that was entirely preventable, but she refused to deal with the situations any differently to how she already was. Because of this, I decided to break all contact with her because it was royally messing up my life at the time.
Now I don't want this to turn into a rant about my ex (that would be fun for no one), so I'll stop short and say that I believe that she is a very good person, who was brought up and treated incredibly badly.
Fast forward to present, in current relationship (six months and counting!) with the complete opposite to my ex in most ways; doesn't drink much, no drugs, doesn't go clubbing often, etc, etc. Things could not be smoother in this relationship. The problem is, I'm finding it harder and harder to not think about my ex. I don't know why, she did so much to hurt me and we were such different people, yet I can't help but wonder if she is okay.
This hasn't changed my behaviour with my current girlfriend at all, but I'm worried it might soon, and I'm worried my feelings for my ex might come back. | I'm still thinking about my fucked up ex and I'm scared it's going to ruin my current relationship, as well as cause me to slide back. |
t3_3tl9s4 | relationships | Me [29M] with my GF [24F] of 1 year, She is sweet and beautiful but I don't feel feel intellectually challenged at all: Should We breakup? | I have been seeing Amy (made up) for just over a year, she is most great. Eg. nice, attractive, sexual, complements my weaknesses nicely (eg. fashion sense, gets me to travel more), she has even lost some 15 kg (33 pounds in freedom units) since we started dating (I work out a bunch and we started doing it together to have more time together).
However, she is not exactly smart. She has very little knowledge of say, history, where she recently told me she thought world war 2 was started by East Germany to kill all the jews. I am quite the history buff so I cant discuss this with her really. She has no interest, it is fine - but she has a general lack of knowledge of the world. She doesn't really understand eg. what the difference between al-qaeda and Taliban or Daesh is.
When discussing politics (which we don't do anymore since we would fight) she is hugely generalizing and insulting of the opposite end of the political spectrum. Beyond childish really. Anyone on the left end of the political spectrum are unemployed freeloaders only voting because they want more welfare.
We mostly have it good, but I cannot discuss anything of any depth with her. History, politics, philosophy and so on. I cannot do it. In fact it is near impossible to have any rational discussion with her. I study a PhD in economics so it is natural for me to want to talk about politics, history, mathematics and economics - but I can't get that from her. Communication is also an issue, she needs things explained in some detail - irony and so on is not really an option, it sounds petty I admit, but it bugs me.
I suppose my question is this, should I break up with her? (argue it please, not just a yes/no) and are there any couples which have good relationships but with the same or similar flaws? is it manageable?
Sorry for the rant. | My otherwise great GF of 1 year is very ignorant of the world and is near impossible to have a rational debate with regarding anything beyond very simple things. I don't know if I should stay or leave. |
t3_3gkano | relationships | I (18m) am scared to death of my soon-to-be LDR with my Girlfriend (18f) and could really use some advice. | My girlfriend is going to be leaving for college in about 1 weeks time. I am absolutely terrified because I've been with her for almost 4 years, and I love her more than I can fathom, and, from what I've heard and seen, LDR's are where some relationships go to die. And that utterly terrifies me.
There are times where I will be able to visit her how ever, with a possible job and some schooling of my own it might be hard to actually find time to see her. Am I just overreacting and over thinking? Is it a legitimate concern? I just need some advice to make this work. | S.O and I are about to start a L.D.R and I am wholly unprepared and terrified about it. Some advice to help keep things going smoothly would really ease my mind. |
t3_3jjjic | relationships | How do I [15 M] deal with my mom [37 F]? | First post here. Sorry if I do something wrong but here is what I have to say.
My mom is always going somewhere with one of her friends that is just a negative person to the rest of my family (my dad [40 M] and sister [9 F]). My sister and I ask my mom if we can go somewhere wether it's some kind of restaurant or arcade. Just somewhere fun or entertaining. But my mom always says no cause she is going somewhere with her friend. This happens almost every day. On days she isn't with her, she doesn't want to go anywhere with us. We can't go with my dad because he is always working late. How I see it is that my mom cares about spending more time with her friend rather than her family. What is there that I can/should do? | Mom is always with her friend and doesn't want to do anything with her children (me and my sister). What can/should I do? |
t3_2y01fy | relationships | Me [19 M] with my SO [19 F] recently started dating, I can't keep it up and it's becoming a problem :/ | Hi r/relationship, ThROWAWAYBONERPROBS here. So, to be blunt, I cannot for the life of me keep my boner while we're having sex. I've been with many girls in the past and this has never really been an issue for me.
She's very beautiful and I have no idea what's wrong with me. She's beginning to think it's her... and since we've only been seeing each other for a few weeks, I'm worried.
For whatever reason, these past few weeks, my sex drive has been almost nonexistent. Which, for a 19 year old, I can't believe is a problem. I don't think I've changed anything about my lifestyle recently. I suppose I haven't been working out quite as much, which is something I need to do.
My biggest concern is that it may be caused from her smoker breath. I don't smoke regularly so it's not very pleasant. Can anyone attest that that has ever been a problem for them?
I also don't know how to go about this with her. She's always really great about it and doesn't act like it bothers her that much, but I know it does. When we have sex, sometimes we go for upwards of 45 minutes and I just don't end up cumming...
Hopefully this problem clears itself up, but in the meantime I don't know how to talk about this with my SO. It's just awkward and emasculating for me. And honestly, I don't know how to let her know that her smoker breath turns me off. | Can't keep my love shaft up. Need advice for my lack of a sex drive and communicating with my SO about my ED problem. |
t3_r8i2g | AskReddit | Reddit, is there a way we can reduce the amount of duplicate commenting and induce upvoting instead? | Hey Reddit! To put my question briefly, when someone asks a question in a post, what is the best way to try to encourage redditors to make sure to upvote someone who has the same suggestion instead of replicating the suggestion in another unaggregated comment?
This is an implicit guideline and combination of the rules of Reddiquette (as it is the core principle that underlies the value of aggregated commentary/input), and I'm sure it's an explicit rule for several subreddits, but I've been seeing plenty of examples of people adding their own two cents in their own comments rather than upvoting. This just diminishes the organizational power of upvoting and the hierarchical layout for viewing the "value" of a given suggestion. Three different comments with the same content each with only 2-3 upvotes should have the persuasive power of one comment with 6-9 upvotes.
Of course, there are plenty of reasons people do this. Maybe there are a lot of new redditors unfamiliar with reddiquette, maybe people aren't doing a great job of searching for previous versions of their comment, or maybe people may want to put a different spin on their suggestion/answer than the previous poster. But I'd encourage those people to try to upvote the original if for no other reason than to better aggregate the response. You can always include your spin in a reply. | Reddit is an awesome tool for aggregation if we use it the way it's engineered to be used and not as a place to read what we type. Stay classy, Reddit! |
t3_53dtfx | relationships | Was my (18 F) boyfriend (18 M) out of line when he invited his girl friend out over me several times? | So, I recently split with my boyfriend (18 M) over him leaving for college and not enough time on either side to make LDR work. We were together from last November to July, and during that time he had a girl friend (18 F) with whom he was close, and rumored to be dating before we got together. They hadn't been friends for much longer than me and my ex, by the way.
Now, all three of us frequently hung out in a class together and sometimes after school. They would often go out without me to eat or to the library, something I was cool with because my ex didn't drive. However, there were two instances where the relationship between them made me want to scream; I was coming back from a school trip one night and asked by my ex to go out to dinner with his family. Not a text after I say I can't attend, he asks if he can take his friend instead. Alrighty then. He talks for weeks after on how his mother adored her and his gruff father seemed to really warm up to her. That made me uncomfortable, and I told him but he brushed it off.
They didn't do anything like that again until the summer, where he wanted to take me on a family vacation, just him and his parents and siblings on an RV for a week. I again can't go (I usually didn't blow him off, these were instances where I had something else committed) and he immediately wanted to take the friend again. On a family vacation. I expressed how I didn't think that was very appropriate, and he stated that he didn't see it. Was I wrong in being fed up with them for doing things like that, or was I justified? | Ex boyfriend used to hang out with girl all the time, take her out to family events, didn't get when I had issues with it. Was I wrong for being upset?? |
t3_1hvv0s | relationships | How do I[22F] know if my boyfriend[26/M] of 1.5 years is "the one" | My bf and I have been together about a year and a half, and I spent most of that time being head-over-heels in love with him. I saw myself marrying him, thought we were oh-so perfect, etc.
I was fortunate enough to witness a truly beautiful love story involving his dad and step-mom, who just passed away last week. Like it was the stuff they make movies about. But it all got me feeling like maybe I don't have that kind of love with my bf, and I've caught myself wondering if there's someone out there who would just love me in a different way.
We don't really have any problems in our relationship, but he's not romantic and I just don't feel any spark. I know he loves me but I don't get that feeling like his world would be over if we broke up or anything.
I don't even know if what I'm feeling is a legitimate thing, or if I'm just looking for shit to complain about. He's a great guy, no questions about that. We have fun and we have a lot in common, but sometimes it's almost like a friends with benefits thing in some aspects.
I just don't know if he can give me that "fairy-tale love" I sometimes want. But maybe that's just too rare of a thing and I should just appreciate what I have. | My bf and I have been together 1.5 years. I love him very much but I'm wondering if I could have a better "love story" with someone else and not just a regular ol relationship. |
t3_35emba | offmychest | Money will always control my life. | I feel like money will always control my life and I will never actually get to live one.
Up to the age of 18, I lived with my parents. We've always been poor, which I didn't question. Though I don't understand what happened because there was a time when my father was a doctor and my mother a journalist. Yet somehow when they had me everything went to shit.
I moved to do my degree in the UK, took out loans to live here. That was 3.5 years of study and accruing debt in another country. Then 1.5 years of near-unemployment and misery. Now 1.5 years of a steady and well-paying job. I'm paying off my loans + helping out my folks financially. I have a poor credit rating because I've never had a credit card or loan in the UK. Even though I've been with the same bank for nearly 7 years and have always been in good standing—it means nothing.
I'm wanting to get my fucked up teeth straightened (something I always meant to and needed to do, didn't have the money for when I was a teenager). It won't happen on the NHS, so I'm trying to take out a loan of about £2.5k, but due to my lack of credit history, no one will approve it. I'll probably need 2 years to gather the money and then it is 2 years of treatment. I'll be 30 by then.
I have 10 more years of paying off the student debts in the other country. I will have essentially zero savings, because whatever disposable income I have goes to my folks and the loan payments.
In 10 years my mom and dad will be 70 and 76. I'm sure they will need more care and medication and etc. There is no publicly funded healthcare over there, everything is private and/or expensive. My dad's a smoker. | Growing up in poverty, living in poverty as a student and unemployed graduate, then paying off loans for 10 years whilst not saving, then needing to take care of my parents even more. This will be my whole life. |
t3_zwxnx | AskReddit | Today I gave up my unlimited data plan with Verizon so my Dad could upgrade to a smartphone since we are on a shared account. What tips/tricks do you have for cutting down on data usage? | I am now mostly concerned with ways to cut down on my data usage so that we can stick with the 4GB per month plan. I tend to use between 2 and 3GB and my Dad is not great with technology so I don't expect him to use nearly as much as myself.
Even when home I rarely used data through wifi and I tended to use Google Maps and navigate with the gps for most places I have gone to that I am not familiar with. I feel that using wifi while at home will help cut down on a large percentage of my data usage. However, I am about to move half-way across the country to a new city for a job and am afraid I will need to use the Google navigation almost daily. I have been searching and learned there is an offline feature where a map area can be downloaded but it seems that navigation with gps is currently not possible without using a data connection. Is this still true and are there any options besides buying an entire gps system.
I'd appreciate any other tips on saving on data usage that you all have discovered. Thanks in advance! | I no longer have unlimited data and am looking for tips to save on my data usage, particularly for gps navigation since I am moving to a new city.* |
t3_2t6pyz | tifu | TIFU by wearing the wrong underwear | So this fuck up happened some time ago when i was visiting the doctor because of my knee problems. They pretty much hurt since I am 16, caused by me growing too fast. Now, Im almost 22 years old and once again i made my way to the orthopaedist`s office.
Thats where the shorts come in. I lost some weight recently, so most of my clothes are too big. Problem with too big underwear is, when you lay on your back and lift your feet up, like when doing situps, the shorts kind of crumple up and expose your balls hanging out. For me its mostly the right side, free and clearly visible.
Back to the doctor again. As it usually goes, you get welcomed by a beautiful 25 year old secretary, she then guides you to the doctor, you talk a bit, and then you have to do some exercises. Unfortunately for me, i had to lay down on the back for this particiular exercise. While the doctor was lifting up my feet doing some investigation, i slowly felt my shorts crumbling down and exposing my balls. The doctor was male too, so i didnt give a shit and he was looking at my face with his upper body leaned against my feet so he couldnt see anything.Then suddenly someone knocked the door and walked in right after. I heard a female voice saying something and recognized it was the young secretary, but she began to stutter in the middle of the sentence and then stopped speaking at all. The Doctor, a bit confused by her stuttering, stood up and followed her look. It was one of the most awkward situations of my life, seeing two strange people stare at my balls hanging out my shorts in dead silence. She left without saying a word and the rest of the visit was pretty much silent. | Went to the orthopaedist, exposed my balls when the secretary came in and had two people staring at them dead silent |
t3_4v6w1g | relationships | Me [31M] and wife [28F] She told me she didn't know if she could love our child if it was disabled. I feel differently about her now. | We have been together for 8 years, married for 2.
We're not pregnant, but we were having a deep late night conversation and the topic of future kids came up. She was talking about the loss of free time and money after kids and then pauses and says 'I don't think I could love our child if it was disabled. I think I would resent it too much'. We clarified the kinds of disabilities she was afraid of and she listed quite a few, even including downs syndrome or severe autism. She said she didn't think she could cope with parenting 24/7 for the rest of her life. She said having a disabled child was one of her biggest fears.
I am quite shocked, as my view is different. Our child is OUR child, no matter what it has been affected with. I think it would add difficult challenge to life, but the struggle is worth it. I don't think I could NOT love someone that has been made from me and her.
I don't see my wife in the exact same light anymore. Those comments are bugging me. They seem heartless and exclusive. Will our child have to be perfect for her to love it? What will she do if our child is born with something or develops something?
I would love some opinions and outside views on her words, and how I can approach this with her. I think it is important.
Thank you. | My wife is afraid of having a disabled child and says she will not love it. Her words seem cruel to me. Please lend some perspective on how to approach this? |
t3_2o2gpl | relationships | Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [22F] 2-years, have struggled dealing with conflict and are constantly in a fight or flight state of mind with each other. | Since we started dating, there has always been a sort of tension between us because of our standards for each other. She wanted me to do everything exactly the way she wants with little to no wiggle room. It has got much better over the past 2 years, but we are still nervous about sharing our thoughts with each other out of fear that it is just going to cause an argument. We are not the best at working through our disagreements and this has caused a lot of hurt for the both of us. I am looking for suggestions on how to handle the situation mostly based on others experiences. What have you done to improve your conflict resolution skills? Can anyone recommend any books on conflict resolution? Please and thank you. | We argue a lot and are nervous that everything we say will turn into a verbal fight. I need advice on how to get better so we can relax. |
t3_3go2me | relationships | [Update] Me [22M] with my Girlfriend [21F] of 2 years, and she is cheating on me as I type this | A few of you guys have been asking for an update on this so here goes. The original post can he found [here](
I've been avoiding posting just because as you guessed, we broke up. I addressed it last Thursday and after about 15 minutes she fessed up. She told me she would do anything to make it up to me, and I basically said Fuck off and Fuck you. End of story.
I'm sorry if this is really anti-climactic. Apparently she had been planning this "visit" for a while and to be quite honest, I never wanted to find out the whole story. I really don't care, it happened so thats it.
I've been OK since it happened but pretty sad. I've never been the kind of person to express my emotions so part of me doesn't know how to feel. Kinda like getting kicked in the stomach, but honestly I'll live. My friends have been pretty great and I've been with them a lot lately so it definitely helps to have people who care about you. I also didn't expect so many of you here at /r/relationships to help me and give a shit. I expected like maybe 3 people but wow. Its nice to know that shit happens and there will always be someone here to talk to. Luckily, I got out of this relationship before it went any farther.
Like I said, I'm pretty beat up but ill live. Thanks for everything, it really does mean a lot to a young kid like me. | my now Ex girlfriend is a bitch, and I'm done. Ill move on, it sucks and it hurts, but I guess part of life is dealing with this kind of stuff. |
t3_40r6as | relationships | I [27M] have been married for 1 year , together for 8 and am having doubts that she will ever want to do more than be a SAHW [27F] | We met when we were 19 , she came from a family that (IMO) really distorted her world view and stunted her growth in alot of aspects (very insecure, never had any social interaction etc ) , She says that her mother gave her a choice to attend high school when she was 13 and she decided not to and work for her mothers business instead . She has taken over her mothers "business" since then but like her mother she has never put a single ounce of effort into growing it . The business itself has costs that she wont account for (Such as the extra room we needed for our place , fuel etc ) yet is very inconsistent and never contributes to the household expenses .
I work in a tech related field and while potentially lucrative the stress and working hours tend to grow massively with your pay increases , I am willing to do anything to ensure that we are comfortable but i have never felt the same from her . I have brought this up many times and its always met with tears , her retreating further into herself , promises to get the business working but nothing ever changes , no progress is ever made .
The 1st year of marriage has been hectic and has me questioning if this is how i want to live the rest of my life , she wants kids now and that really scares me . what do i do reddit ? is this even fixable ? | Stay at home wife shows no signs of wanting to do anything with her life , holds onto dead business . Sole breadwinner (me) is freaking out after 1st year of marriage |
t3_3mbce1 | tifu | TIFU by mixing feelings. | Some background: broke up with my ex early this year, we're still best friends, we're living together, he's been dating someone else for two months, we all get along great.
Just for the record, I don't love him anymore and I'm completely over him, but lately I've been realizing something: even though I don't miss him, *I miss our relationship*, and it's the weirdest thing ever.
Every day when I get home, I go to my room to change my clothes and he usually ends up coming to ask me how did my day go. His boyfriend is usually at our place at the time, so when the time comes, we usually take him to the train station so he can go home.
Me and my ex usually spend the rest of the day playing video games with our friends online, cooking dinner or something completely ordinary. Last night was different: since our internet connection was shitty, we spent most of the night talking about our current lives and stuff, while messing with each other, like we always did (nothing sexual or anything lol).
When I was going to bed, I gave him a hug and said something like "I really missed this", which he answered by passing his hand through my hair. When we're done hugging, I fucked up by trying to kiss him. He obviously turned his face away, and I got out of his room as fast as I could when I finally unfroze after being such an idiot.
Now I don't know how I'll look my best friend in the eyes when I see him next time. | I tried to kiss my best friend, who is also my ex, because I miss our relationship. Now I don't know how to get over any possible awkwardness. |
t3_xzdig | GetMotivated | I'm going to have a talk with my parents tomorrow. Enough is enough. | I am a 21 year old female, in a family of four. I am the eldest, my younger brother is 14.
I have as of late, been charged with paying my car registration and licensing, and paying for a new phone and plan for myself so that I could have texting and be able to keep in contact with numerous friends that simply aren't on facebook.
A lot of shit has happened recently, control issues, etc with my parents.
My father has told me he doesn't want me to get texting, that I can't ride on my boyfriend's motorcycle, and that THEY will help me move in to my college apartment, on a day they've decided and required that my bf doesn't show up because they don't need his help... whereas, I had made previous plans that my bf would help me move in at the earliest time possible.
I've been letting my folks walk all over me, make decisions without me, especially ones that involve me and my friends.
Tomorrow, I plan to talk to them, or my dad alone, and tell him that since I will be paying for my own shit, I can get whatever I want. And they can deal with it. I'm 21, I'm old enough to make my own decisions and they're going to have to accept that I'm growing up and they need to let me make my own decisions.
And you know, if they get upset and angry with me, oh well. They're my family, they can't hate me forever, so deal.
Wish me luck, and/or any other advice or words of wisdom, or helpful things also welcome. | I'm finally going to confront my parents on several control issues. I'm 21F, eldest of two kids, bro is 14. |
t3_tt129 | AskReddit | what are the chances that someone smoking at a gas station actually starts a fire? | Background:
I was at an Arco station and noticed the guy at the pump in front of me stepped out of his car while smoking and walked past two pumps to go inside the convenience store. He put out his cigarette in an ashtray by the door, but, from getting out of his car, to unscrewing his gas cap, to walking within five feet of four pumps, I would assume he was within range of the "No Smoking" warnings.
My question is, with the advances we've made adding safeguards from those lacking common sense, how dangerous is a lit cigarette at a gas pump?
I've always viewed the scenario as common sense: there's gasoline around, I *believe* it reacts poorly to open flame, and I feel my beliefs are reinforced by the many hazard signs around the pump. However, I have an inclination that the many warnings have more to do with liability than severity (even if it's a very small likelihood of causing a severe accident, the potential lawsuits could hurt a lot).
Tangent:
I'm also suspicious because a warning of similar severity is issued every time we get on a plane, cautioning us to turn off our cell phones for the duration of the flight. How much does that have to do with facts and how much does it have to do with setting a precedent (barring everyone from obnoxiously talking to themselves and creating an unpleasant trip for others)? I'm fine with it; keep them off; I'm just curious how much of a threat it could be when any person on the plane could forget to turn off their cell phone. They aren't searching you for them, they aren't having you check them in, and they aren't verifying they're off or in airplane mode, so how dangerous could it really be?
Another question:
Since I went on my airplane cell phone tangent, my follow up question would be what other restrictions do you agree with in principle, but feel the rationale behind it is wrong or no longer relevant? Do you feel that they're justified because even though their open intent is to prevent something you call bullshit, they lead to other consequences that are beneficial or preferable? | will smoking cigarettes at a gas station make go boom or owner too afraid of the one time it does. also, cell phones on planes, what's the deal? |
t3_1bzg0x | relationships | (17 m) told by (16 f) that she misses how we used to be and that she regrets us not happening, even though she has a boyfriend. | Okay so, I like this girl a lot, and we've been friends for a year, with casual stuff going on every now and then, at times we were pretty much in a relationship, but not fully, and she meets this guy in December of last year, and they've been together since December/Januaryish, which of course made me realise my feelings for her, as I now can no longer have her, so I've told her, once that I liked her a bit, and then again that I actually did a lot. And she's told me that she likes me, and that she thinks there's something special there, has always had a soft spot for me, regrets not being with me, and then later on she said that she misses how we used to be together, all whilst still with this guy.
Not to mention that she keeps telling me that her favourite songs remind her of me, and that I'm cute loads, even when she's with her boyfriend.
I'm just really confused and not sure what I should do.
So my question is what shall I do, regarding my feelings towards this girl? | girl who I like gets boyfriend, I tell her I like her, she tells me she likes me too, and she regrets not being with me. But still has a boyfriend. |
t3_2rhmon | relationships | Me with my boyfriend (25 M/F) of 2 years are moving in together. What kinds of things should we expect and what is your advice? | Hi /r/Relationships! I'm a longtime lurker, using a throwaway.
My boyfriend and I are finally moving in together after 2 years of a somewhat LDR, and we would like to know any advice you guys might have on how to divvy up expenses that aren't so clear cut like groceries, how to deal with chores, cleaning, etc! What do you guys do with your SOs? What do you recommend?
A little history, in case it's relevant. He and I met while we were teaching abroad. We lived about an hour apart and saw each other on weekends. The longest amount of time we have spent together consistently is two and a half weeks. We communicate and get along very well. When we have conflict and disagreements, we are able to talk through everything rationally. | BF and I are moving in together. We are very happy together and want to know what we should expect/what advice /r/relationships might have for us. |
t3_303zf7 | relationships | My girlfriend [18 F of 2 years] pretended to be broken up with Me [18 M] to get out of answering what was up | Me and her both work at the same shop, and she gets really pissed off by the place. Like, it took 2 months for them to give her a regular shift, and even then gave her the wrong hours.
She was on her way, and called me, and midway through her enormous rant, I didn't know what to say so i told her about my problems. She got a bit pissed off, but not too bad, and she was clearly sick of talking about her crap and had to go to work, so we exchanged 'love you's' and hung up.
Later that night she rang me and we were all lovey dovey, and she mentions that she pretended we'd had a rough argument and we might be broken up, as she was incredibly tired and didn't want to rant at anyone else about it, so made up this lie that she'd caused an argument and we might be broken up, but it wouldn't last long.
Now, I'm not a superstitious man, but this seemed like bad Karma to me. We argued about it, and it's all good now, but now I look back I feel I might have been overreacting, as we argued about it for a couple of hours after.
FYI we're good and better than ever for it (we barely fight and both see it as good to every once in a while), but I wanted to see what this community thinks of it. | Did I overreact when my GF pretended we'd broken up for the night to get out of answering more repetitive questions? |
t3_1b8mq7 | relationship_advice | I am hurting and I don't know why | Currently on LDR, 288 miles but we see each other every weekend. My(32/F) SO(35/M) recently went back biking with a group of cyclists- the group he left when he broke up with his ex about a year ago. The group meets twice a week to bike for an hour or so. It started out fine although I wasn't comfortable with the thought of him seeing her there again more regularly. Lately, the people who attends are becoming less and less and yesterday, it ended up just being him, his ex and the couple they used to hang- out with. He sent me a text unhappy about it (he still resents her about the heartless breakup after being "attached to the hip" for several months). Images of them all four- "just like the old days" keep playing on my mind and I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IT HURTS. Don't get me wrong, I am confident with my guy here. I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. He is actually willing to leave the group if it bothers me. But I want him to stay because I know how happy he is to be back. I want to be supportive about this but I feel like- if this will hurt like this twice a week with the thoughts of them together, I know this will put a strain in my relationship with him eventually no matter how I say I will be okay. It's either him being fed up reassuring me or me giving up on him just to spare myself of this hurt. Please process this with me Reddit. I am hating myself for feeling this way. | SO is seeing his ex more regularly in this group activity. I don't understand why it hurts despite my confidence in my relationship and his reassurance. |
t3_t2b2p | self | I am trying to raise money for the Make a Wish Nebraska Foundation...about half way to my goal. | I am a small business owner, specifically a comic/coffee shop and I thought it would be fun to raise money for a local charity to celebrate moving to our new location. So, I contacted Make a Wish Nebraska, got their okay, and started selling Door Prize tickets to win Amazing Fantasy #15 (the first appearance of Spider-Man). It is a comic worth around $5000 and difficult to find normally, much less potentially win for a $5 donation to a charity.
I've tried really hard to get the word out, but it's been difficult and I've only raised about half of my goal. There's only a few days left before the drawing and I was hoping to get some traction via reddit.
Here's an online donation page [Legend Comics & Coffee] you don't have to be present to win and so far we've gotten donations from all over the globe. Now, I understand if you have no interest in donating, but certainly you may know someone in your life who loves comic books and the chance to win one of the most important comics ever would be a pretty cool thing AND every penny raised goes to Make a Wish. So, if you could help spread the word, that would be cool too :).
Thanks for listening and potentially helping, I appreciate it and I know Make a Wish Nebraska appreciates it. | Comic store is selling tickets to win expensive comic, all money raised goes to Make a Wish Nebraska, could use donations or help spreading the word, drawing is on May 5th. |
t3_24hw4i | personalfinance | Federal Student Loans & Maximizing PAYE Debt Forgiveness | My husband and I both have/will have graduate degrees paid for almost entirely by loans. (He's an attorney, I'm an incoming 1L nontraditional student). Upon graduation, I expect we'll have about $180,000 in combined student loans at rates between 4-8%. It's a lot, I know.
We've built up an emergency fund and have been saving for retirement. We bought a house (I know, I know - Dave Ramsay devotees are clutching their pearls, but it was the right choice for us. Our current housing expense is comparable to what we paid in rent, and we can tap into savings/Roth IRAs in the event of catastrophe.) Beside the mortgage and student loans, we carry no other debt.
I am planning to enter a niche field (tax law) that has relatively strong job prospects and is a good match for my work experience. My husband has less of a niche specialty and currently earns $60,000 working at a startup. (Yes, it's risky putting him in sole breadwinner role given the risks inherent to startup life. It's not ideal, but if disaster struck there are always more student loans available. We're trying to minimize this to whatever extent possible.) Public Service Loan Forgiveness isn't something that will work for either one of us.
Because all of these are eligible for PAYE - reducing our payment to 10% of discretionary income - I'm confident that student loans won't prevent us from eating. This program allowed us to stay on top of loan payments in the 2 years my husband struggled to find work, and will probably be necessary while I pursue my own JD.
However - I'm currently struggling to figure out our loan repayment strategy. Assuming we'll make a combined $125,000 when I graduate, the monthly minimum under PAYE will be much less than the $1800-ish monthly payment under the 10 year standard plan. Should we throw every extra dollar we have at the debt, or should we maximize the amount to be forgiven in 20 years by paying only the minimum under PAYE and put aside extra for the tax bill? | Should we pay more than PAYE to get rid of student loans ASAP, or pay the minimum and have it forgiven? |
t3_2d77ay | relationships | I'm (25/F) extremely insecure about my naked body and am terrified of getting intimate with a potential boyfriend (27/M) I'm meeting soon. | So, in the next month I'll be meeting a guy I've known online for about 2 years for the first time in person. We've chatted plenty online, on the phone, and skype. So we know each other are real and all of that.
He's seen plenty of current pictures of me so I'm not trying to hide the way I look. He know's I'm still a little chubbier and have lost some weight recently. But he doesn't know how much damage it has done to my physical appearance while I'm naked. I've never shared any revealing photos like that.
Here's the issue.
The weight loss has left me with a saggy wrinkled stomach and saggy, flat ,ugly, droopy boobs. I am very, very, scared of him seeing me this way and afraid he's not going to like it. I know he wouldn't outright say anything mean or hurtful, but I'm afraid I'm not going to live up to expectations or he's imagining mean better than how I actually look. I just don't want to disappoint him.
I know I should fake confidence or "fake it til you make", but I can only do that for so long. I think I can do a good job faking until that moment when clothes are supposed to come off, but I know I'm going to break down if it gets that far. It's eating away at me and I think about it all day, every day.
I feel like I should warn him ahead of time how my body looks so he isn't too shocked, and give him a chance to change his mind about me.
I should also add that I'm pretty inexperienced with sex, dating, etc.
What should I do? What should I tell him? This is something I'm really terrified of. | I'm inexperienced, and insecure about my body naked. I could be getting more intimate with a guy soon and wonder if I should warn him ahead of time how my body is? |
t3_1mekw6 | relationships | My [25M] GF [27F] of 3 years is unwilling to be mutually open about our lives and it feels so wrong | So ill try and keep this short and sweet. We've been together for three years, weve been through a lot together and we know a lot about each other. A problem ive had since the beginning of our relationship though is that our conversations are very one sided in terms of how we talk, and this only applies to our personal lives.
We can freely talk and ask each other pretty much anything, but when conversations are steered towards our personal lives, with questions such as "what were you up to this weekend?" or "How was your night out with (name of friend)?" suddenly the situation becomes very one sided where I happily go into detail about my weekend or my plans or fun things I was up to she just clams right up and gives, at best, one word responses and gets very angry with me if I keep pressing for details.
She's said in the past this is because she's allowed to have a private life outside of me and that I dont have a right to demand intimate details about her life, which i agree with, but i would never consider weekend plans or hanging out with friends to be intimate details. Now, she'll occassionally tell me about stuff she's done, but it is always unprompted at her discretion and she'll again get mad that im "prying" when I ask for details. Its gotten to the point where I never ask her about her life outside of me anymore because I know she'll go out of her way to not tell me anything.
I guess I want help in addressing this with her. It feels so unusual and controlling. I keep trying to make sense of it in my head but I honestly cant and she doesnt help by not explaining why she chooses to do this, but in the heat of the moment I always do a bad job of contextualizing my position to her. Could I be in the wrong here? Is it normal to be so unwilling to talk about your life with someone you consider to be a long term partner? | GF only talks about her private life at her unprompted discression and gets mad at me when I ask her questins about her life outside of me. I want to know how to address this with her |
t3_317xmv | relationships | Financially imbalanced relationship between me [19F] and the guy I'm dating [22M] [3 months duration] | I've been dating Kyle for about 3 months now. We have been keeping it very casual. We haven't really defined the relationship and we certainly don't refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, which is more than fine with me. But we are exclusive and I do care about him.
He just graduated from college in December and is still looking for a job. His financial situation is tense and he has almost no disposable income. He doesn't take me out on dates, he actually doesn't spend any money at all on me really. On the other hand, I come from a wealthy family. I am fortunate; my dad pays for my tuition, living expenses, and gives me an allowance of $500/week. I also work 20 hours a week, so needless to say I have plenty of spending money. I have bought him dinner a few times, cook for him pretty often, share drugs with him a lot, and have given him a couple small gifts.
I do these things because I don't mind and I have the money to spend. Also I enjoy going out to dinner/smoking weed, I want someone to do these things with and I know he doesn't have the means to do so. Sometimes I worry about being taken advantage of or coming across as needy and desperate, like I'm throwing money at him to make him like me. But I am a naturally generous person and I enjoy doing these things.
The reason I'm asking is his birthday is coming up and I want to get him a cool, unique gift. The thing I have in mind is about $200. It's not exactly useful, just a cool trinket I think he'd enjoy. I'm just worried he will look up the price and either feel uncomfortable with the amount of money I'm spending, or I'll look overzealous/pathetic for spending so much on the birthday gift of someone I'm casually seeing.
Maybe I should tighten the purse strings to make the 'relationship' more financially balanced. Not sure how to proceed. Thoughts? | Guy I'm dating doesn't have much money. I want to get him an expensive present but don't want to make him uncomfortable or make myself look bad. Should I just get him a cheaper gift? |
t3_3djk7x | relationships | My (28M) fiancee (24F) contemplating out of state grad school | I'm extremely bummed out and I know I shouldn't be. After putting in a ton of work applying to 20 different PA schools all over the country, my fiancee is starting to get interviews. Now I've kept this to myself up until now because I know this is extremely important to her. However, while she was applying we both talked about options and California schools (where we currently live) were the top priority. The problem is, the schools closest to us don't start accepting applicants until January-ish but schools elsewhere start accepting as soon as next month. Some of these schools will start before the CA ones even have interviews.
As time has gone on, my fiancee has become more and more open to the idea of accepting one of these schools, should she get in...effectively killing any shot at the local schools. We're getting married at the end of next month and I love her dearly, but the idea of her abandoning hope of a local school so early sucks. I know I'm being selfish but I don't want her to leave so soon. If she accepts one of these January-start schools, she'll be gone within 4 months of marriage. So my question is, do I say anything? She's put in a ton of work for this, but all I really want is for her to give these CA schools a shot. If she doesn't get in to the CA schools though, that means she'll effectively miss out/have passed on every other school.
Also, a little more background about her, she's an extremely focused, hardworking person. So if she's in PA school, 99% of her time and energy will be devoted to it and she'll be perfectly ok with that. If she's out of state, the time she has for me probably dwindles even more. | Fiancee contemplating out-of-state schools. To be married within month, school starts 4 months after that. I don't want her to go. |
t3_27szwh | personalfinance | Please help: auto loan cancellation | Here's my story:
Two months ago, I submitted an application for an auto loan through my credit union. I did not have a specific car picked out, but I wanted to be sure of my options before I wasted my time shopping. After providing documents such as proof of income, I received a "pre-approval certificate" which explicitly *did not* guarantee my loan would be funded. According to the certificate, once I found a car I wanted, the credit union would decide whether to give me the "80% of the value up to a maximum of $6k". The car could be used or new, and I could go through a dealer or a private seller, though the credit union reserved the right to determine whether my choice was worthy of a loan. I had 90 days to decide before my pre-approval expired.
Over the next few weeks, I searched for cars online; I was willing to wait if it meant finding the perfect deal. Luckily, I did wait; a month ago my circumstances changed, and I could no longer afford a car. Last week, I contacted the credit union and claimed that I was no longer in need of the loan.
The reply I got was that they would "cancel my request" but that I would "receive an adverse action, of the cancellation."
Is this the law (I live in California)? I never took the money; they never even committed to giving it to me. I never signed any papers agreeing to taking the loan. I wish I could take the money and just hand it right back, but they need proof of an auto purchase, and I simply can't afford to make one after last month.
How do I not get screwed? | Got pre-approved for a loan, didn't want it anymore, now my credit suffers because I "canceled". |
t3_wbbs3 | self | People always complain about either the current or the younger generation. Today I had an experience I'm not sure what to think of. | I'm probably over-analyzing this.
I walked into the library, and a lady who looked in her 70s was ahead of me. She opened the door, looked at me, then let it go. Didn't hold it open. The thing that baffles me most is that she looked at me, and seemed that she deliberately let the door close on me. Idk if it was cause she was having a bad day, if she's racist or whatever, but I didn't like being treated like I wasn't there.
Then when I was leaving a little boy, maybe 4, held the door open for me along with the two ladies in front of me.
I've mulled over it and I've decided that they just have had different upbringings and ideas of how to treat a stranger. But I also thought about how the current and younger generations are always being told of how rude or unappreciative we are, when in fact, there are people of every generation that flaunt those traits. | Elderly woman did not hold open the door for me. Later, a little boy held the door open for me. |
t3_1akfwf | relationships | Is there a way to rebuild trust in this twisted relationship? | 26F and a 29M. I thought about cheating, but then I felt guilty. I used a hidden messenger and other online apps on my phone. I was living with my boyfriend of 4 months. I felt guilty again and blew the guy off.
The boyfriend came in and picked up my phone to "look" at something, he said I was acting weird, and the messages popped up. Before he could read them I snatched it and wouldn't hand him the phone.
I kept saying that it wasn't his business. I had decided not to and didn't want to cause further problems. It wound up with a huge fight and me moving out.
I went out and slept with the guy anyways after we broke up. Part of it was frustration and the other part was that at that moment I officially had nothing to lose.
We're now at a point where we still want to see if there is a way to fix things and where to go from there.
That's what I've done.
Here's a little backstory now---two women were flirting with him and clearly had more than platonic interests in him. We were official on facebook, but he hid the status from them. He also didn't tell them that he had a girlfriend either and even proceeded to hang out with one in order to help her kids or something. I found out because she sent me this email ruining our New Year's Eve.
We both have our fucked up pasts. I care about him and I know he cares about me. We've both had our share of fucked up relationships and have done our share of stupid shit. We're now working on higher educations for better careers and generally trying to have a better life.
Our issues seem to be poor communication in our wants and needs and there was mistrust from the beginning. Is there honestly anyway to rebuild that? We are also planning to meet with someone to not only work on joint issues, but separate issues as well. | Fucked up relationship due to fucked up circumstances. We want to try to mend things and better ourselves, but aren't sure how. |
t3_3400ee | relationships | Me [21 M] with my _ex_ [20 F] of over 2 years, broke up almost a month ago. I think I fucked up... | Just under a month ago I had broken up with my girlfriend after a rocky period in our relationship, but now I'm feeling immense remorse and sadness. I don't exactly know why this is happening and could look for some consolidation.
In our relationship we both loved each other very much, but it seemed that her love was so much more intense. Intense in the sense of just all out love for me; I was a very lucky guy. However, when I broke up with her late one night, she showed very little emotion. I can't even remember if there was a tear in her eye.
The first two weeks alone were fine, I hung out with friends, had fun. Now almost four weeks out (I know, not that long in the grand scheme of things) I can't not think of her. I just texted her for the first time last week and she couldn't seem less interested in the conversation or anything that has to do with me, but we are meeting tomorrow to just talk.
What should I do if she simply doesn't care for me anymore? Is there anything I should prepare for our talk tomorrow? | I broke up with my loving gf; she seems not to care or think anything of me 1 month out, but we meet tomorrow. Wat should i do? |
t3_4yucag | personalfinance | Bachelors Degree- Go to a Small, No-Name College for Free or Take ~$40k in Loans? | So I am in a position where a school with zero reputation gave me a large scholarship, to the point where I only need to pay for housing. This was all well and good until I starting thinking about the long term instead of the debt I would see immediately after taking loans. The university I would attend (that isn't the college I got the scholarship from) was where both my siblings went, and they each received a job offer within two months of graduating.
To specify my situation even more, ideally, I would like to go to graduate school after getting my Bachelors (in Biology, if that matters). Now in my eyes, going to the school for free would allow me to have $10k-20k in SAVINGS (not DEBT) after graduating. Going to the university would net me around $30k in DEBT. Financial Aid is out of the question, my parent are in that sweet middle class spot where we're not poor enough to get help but not rich enough to pay it off whole. | College A, Shitty but Free, or College B, Nice but Expensive, on the condition that I will be continuing my education immediately after getting a Bachelors. |
t3_4litcn | relationships | My girlfriend [32F] is still close to her ex [26M] and it is very hard for me [22M] to deal with | We have been dating for just over 3 years now, and from day one her ex has been in her life. I'm normally not a jealous person and she's free to talk to whoever she wants, but her ex makes me so uncomfortable. Sometimes he'll call her up to go out to dinner and they won't get back home until late, and 90% of the time he's rude to me. My gf says he's just fooling around. He calls her all the time and when they hang out at our place they always talk about ''old times'' and are very touchy feely.
Their closeness is making me paranoid. I don't want to be that annoying jealous boyfriend, but I do want to confront her about the situation since it does upset me. Any advice on how I can approach her without looking like a dick? | my girlfriend is still very close to her ex and it upsets me, how can I discuss this with her without being an asshole? |
t3_3ue5y6 | relationships | Co-worker [18 F] gave her phone number to me [16 M] but she has a boyfriend | I started working at a grocery store about a month ago and the co-worker mentioned and I have been flirting with each other since then. About a week I found out she has a boyfriend but she still has been flirting with me. A couple of days ago another co-worker [19 M] told me that the girl co-worker told him that she thought I was super cute and was scared to give me her number. That same night that he told me that, right when I was about to leave, he gave me her number that she told him to give to me. What should I do? | co-worker has been flirting with me since we started working together and said I was cute and gave me her number but she has a boyfriend |
t3_53fh3o | legaladvice | Inyo county, California, speeding ticket | I am feeling pretty desperate. Last night around 10 pm I was pulled over for going 87 in a 65 (on a highway. A long, boring, scary highway). I know I was going faster than the speed limit, but I don't believe it was 87. I didn't have my insurance card on me, my parents pay for it, and aren't consistent about updating me on it. I had my policy number, but that's it.
So, I have this ticket. I know I at least want to fight the insurance, because i had it, just not on me. But there is an issue: I have to go to court in Bishop, CA, and I live in Lancaster, Ca, 200 miles away. Not only is the ticket really gonna put me out on my ass for just the fine, but traffic school and going all the way to Bishop is really going to fuck up life for me. I make 10.50 an hour. If the ticket is as much as I have a feeling it's going to be, it could be a weeks worth of pay for me. I know you can make payments usually, but I'm scared. Please help. This is my first ticket in almost 4 years of driving. | i need to contest a portion of this ticket. Can't afford to go 400 miles there and back to do so. |
t3_21p910 | relationships | I [20F] want to resolve my jealousy issues but am not sure where to start.. Advice? | So I feel like a lot of posts on here are about dealing with a jealous SO, but I haven't found many experiences from the jealous person's side.. Was just looking for some clarity and maybe similar experiences.
I realize that jealousy stems from an inner self-doubt or lack of confidence. I feel safe and loved in my relationship and know that my SO is strongly against cheating. I don't have a reason not to trust him, but I can't help shaking feelings of jealousy surrounding a girl he hangs out with. I don't compare myself to her, or think she's a scheming harlot, but I get a twinge when I hear that they've hung out or that she's slept over at his place. I feel like maybe it's because I haven't met her yet (just seen pictures).
I don't want to smother him or try and control his social life due to my insecurities, so I want to know anyone's experience of dealing with their jealousy. I am going to talk to my counsellor next week, but it would be great to hear anyone's solution to this issue. | Has anyone figured out a tactic to deal with jealousy/irrational fears in a relationship? Looking to free myself from this unnecessary negative emotion. |
t3_1nv1pe | relationships | I cant tell if my SO cheated on me or not.. | I will try to keep this as simple as possible
I (23 M) just ended a one year relationship with my SO (20F). I had no idea that our relationship was in jepordy until she dropped the bombshell on Friday that she had been basically flirting with another guy to the point of sending nude pics/video to him. She had been doing so for a short time, apparently. She told me that she simply didn't care anymore. Shes been feeling that way for awhile, and she kept her feelings bottled up until she burst.
She got drunk at a wild party and slept with another guy (not the same one as aforementioned) this weekend before our relationship "officially" ended. Reason being, It was over in her mind but we had never agreed that it was over, so i assumed that we were still dating..
I'm not 100% innocent: She had caught me a few times talking with other girls in the past. It wasn't in anyway cheating, but it was enough that I tainted her trust. We worked things out (or at least I thought we did) and I stopped the BS because I didn't want to lose her. I know for a fact that what I did eventually lead up to the end of our relationship.
I know I fucked up. Shes had her trust broken (badly) before we met and she was already so sensitive since the beginning that I should have known that she would take these things very hard.
I don't know if what she did was actually cheating because of the situation, and I feel that everything is my fault... is it? | GF has a change of heart, doesn't tell me. She gets drunk and messes around with other guys before we officially end it. I'm not 100% innocent either. Is it my fault? |
t3_15s9c1 | relationship_advice | [23/F] My SO [24/M]'s father(60s/M) has asked us over for dinner in what could easily turn into an intervention for the boyfriend's mother(50s/F). Where is my place in this? | My boyfriend's mother had a terrible narcotic's addiction around 15yrs ago. She has since gotten help, joined NA, and is responsible in telling her doctors about her previous addiction so they don't prescribe anything to her that could trigger her addiction again. Her husband has been very unsupportive in her recovery, and doesn't understand that addiction is a constant battle.
Fast forward to our Christmas lunch, and my SO's father tells him his plans of forcing the mother into inpatient narcotics therapy in January. This comes about after he was snooping through her Facebook messages and saw a message she wrote and immediately retracted to my SO asking for help obtaining 2 Vicodin pills (She has fibromialgia and is unable to see her doctor until the new year). This is his basis for committing her. And to make everything more intense, it's either she goes to this therapy or they divorce.
I don't support her going into therapy.She has been dealing with her issues one day at a time, and in the 3 1/2yrs I've been with my SO, she hasn't had a single relapse.
Complicating this is the fact that my SO's father is always away on business, leaving the mother and a 16yr old daughter home. With mom away, who will care for the little sister?
And so that brings us to tonight. We've been asked over for dinner, and asked to come earlier than we would normally. If this is turning into an intervention for the mother, where is my place? Is it alright for me to remove myself from the room? | SO's father is forcing his mother into inpatient narcotics therapy even though she has hold of her addiction. Where is my place, is it okay to not support it? |
t3_2hzhtw | relationships | Me [25F] with my Cousin [26F], Uncomfortable with keeping her secret. | Alright so throw away for reasons. Basically I live with my cousin, her fiancé and their 2 kids. She was caught by her fiancee texting inappropriate things to her new male co worker of a week. Not just sexual things but more lovey dove things as well. When she was caught he was devastated, made her tell her mom, etc. He stayed. Sadly I knew the whole time about it, and knew about the time previous to that that she did the same thing with another guy. So I feel like a jerk to start.
But! Now she talks to me all the time about how she feels about this guy, because she's still talking to him. Even going behind the fiancees back to hang out with him. They've gone for lunch, met at a park, etc. She even came to me and told me about how "something" happened between them. Not sex though.
I have already had the "Don't stay together for the kids if your just going to be unhappy" talk with her. And she really didn't listen. But I can no longer take knowing all the dirty secrets about her affair. I like her fiancee, he's a good man and doesn't deserve this at all. Especially when he's trying to work this out and she just isn't trying at all.
I really really want to tell him. But I would be the person that "wrecked" the relationship in a sense. But he deserves to know and she deserves to learn a lesson. I don't know. I just don't want to have all this information in my head anymore.
What do I do?! | Cousin is going behind fiancees back to talk and do stuff with a coworker, I know all about it and I don't want to know anymore. Thinking about ratting out cousin to her fiancé, thoughts? |
t3_3frnld | relationships | Me [22F] with my ex-friend [21F] from childhood-high school recently went through a really hard time and I'm not sure if I should reach out. | I'm going to try to keep this short. I've posted about this friend a few times during our final "break up" of sorts but on different throwaways because I never remember them.
Anyway. I recently found out that this friend I've known since we were children had an abortion and broke up with her long-term boyfriend. Apparently it happened about six months ago, but seeing as I haven't spoken to her in nearly a year, I only found out this week through social media.
I cannot be her friend again for many different reasons, mainly because she has been disrespectful to me and my SO in our home, and has caused lots of unnecessary drama. However, I don't think she is inherently a bad person, I think we just aren't really on the same page anymore as adults like we were as kids/teens.
Is it in any way possible for me to extend my love, support, and comfort without rekindling the friendship entirely? I want to let her know I'm thinking of her and care about her and love her, but I don't want to make her feel like I want to spend more time with her or have a friendly personal relationship again. I'm thinking maybe an anonymous letter could work, but I don't want to freak her out. | Best friend I haven't spoken to in close to a year had an abortion and seems to be dealing with depression. Do I offer my support/can I offer support and love without rekindling a friendship? |
t3_21996w | relationships | Me [23 M] with my GF [21 F] 4 year relationship...Broke up 6 days ago, just need some help. | Hey,
My girlfriend dumped me on Tuesday and I just find myself thinking of her 24/7....Im just beating myself up and know I am going to go into some serious depression....she was my life.
I am aware of all the common things to do during a break up....I removed her and her friends off facebook, I have stopped texting & calling her because it is useless and I am going to try to move on with my life.
Everyone says go to the gym and get fit and that is something I am going to do. (I am skinny with little muscle) but I just want to know if there are any tricks or things that have helped you in past break ups that I could try...The faster I can get over her, the happier I would be and can move on with my life.
Thank you to everyone who reads this and comments with help. | Broke up 6 days ago. Think about my X 24/7. What can I do to stop thinking about her and move on. |
t3_29k7kj | relationships | Me [28 M] with my ex [23 F] 8 months. she broke up because of jealousy to female friends. | In our relationship we met regularly at least two days a week. After a short time she did not want to come up with when I was celebrating with friends from uni. I thought everything is ok and every now and then photos were uploaded to Facebook where I was celebrating with female friends.
We had a great vacation-planned with bicycles and for that she has bought a new bike. She was very happy about the holidays and invested a lot money in the bike, tent, bag, sleepingbag ...
**Break UP**
Well three weeks ago she finished the relationship without out any warning. She says she can no longer stand it and is jealous of my female friends. And that these female friends are in to me.
I assured her that I'm absolutely faithful and she is much more important than the friendships and that I love her(sadly i said that to rarely). She was a bit stunned after my words.
She thought that I always invest little feelings and my feelings are "like a stone".
But she would like to stay as friends.
After 10 days with no contact she came to pick up their things and I repeated the same words. On this day, I have poured out my heart to her and told her that I want her back. But she did not change her opinion. She said that she is maybe the person which has "feelings like a stone" and that she never want the jealous feelings back.
To the end I told her nice words and that she hopefully gets the self-esteem that she deserves.
She said it would be best if we did not see each other for a time.
**my thoughts**
I am currently writing my thesis and it could be that I have somewhat neglected the relationship a bit. But the sex was great and there were no signs that something would not work out. Also, I should have shown more interest to their friends. Suddenly I think I've made a lot of errors but that is maybe only my sad soul. I think this happend because we had never dispute and no one has said what bothers him.
And I did not recognize that she has a low self-confidence to other woman. | Harmonious relationship ruined because of jealousy and poor communication (no arguments). / How to behave when I want to get her back? And if not how to build a friendship. |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.