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t3_qn9pc | dating_advice | Girl in the friendzone, thinking of ending the friendship because of it | Both of us are in our early 30's and have been great friends for a year now (met at work, still currently work for the same company just in different offices)
He feels the need to tell me everything about his dating life even though he knows how I feel about him. He constantly gives me attention but as far as ever making a move, he says that isn't going to happen. His 2 reasons, we work together and he doesn't want to ruin what we have.
I am insecure because I don't feel as pretty as the girls he goes out with, and maybe he isn't attracted to me in that way. I think if he was he would have made a move by now.
Having these feelings of anxiety and insecurity are killing me. Do I just say goodbye to our friendship and forget about him, or learn to let my romantic feelings go and just be his friend? | Girl in the friendzone wants more he doesn't, walk away from a great friendship or learn to deal with the fact that he just wants a friend |
t3_52zb8a | personalfinance | Health issues > Bankruptcy > Question? | Hello everyone.
12 months ago I was admitted into hospital, and spent a month there due to serious medical issues. A year prior, i quit my secure job with benefits and had an investor team with me to start a business idea I had. Bad idea I guess.
So after a year of recovering, with a new pacemaker and a crapload of daily meds, I'm finally feeling semi normal again... my new normal I guess.
The past year has dug a huge hole for myself and my Fiancee. We owe 35K in credit cards, have a 360K mortgage, $38K remaining on our 2013 BMW.
My mentality is to try to dig myself out of this hole, but we have already missed a mortgage payment, and two car payments. The stress is really having a negative effect on my health again, so I sought help/advice. I was strongly recommended to file bankruptcy. Walk away from the car and we can keep our home as the equity in it isn't high enough to justify reposession / selling.
It feels wrong, but I won't lie and say that knowing this will stop me from having to borrow money from my parents whom cant afford to loan it will be a huge weight off my shoulders.
My question is, the bankruptcy trustee asked me to set up a new bank account and set up payments for my mortgage there. Since a large chunk of my debt is with BNS, it's not wise to risk them taking my money deposited for the mortgage to cover other debts.
I followed her advice and set up a bank account through Tangerine online. Very simple and quick process. I plan on using this to pay my mortgage payments, however i realized after that Tangerine is owned by BNS. According to Tangerine's FAQ, they operate completely independently from BNS but are wholly owned by them.
Are BNS able to withdraw funds from a Tangerine account to recover debt? ONce my bankruptcy is filed, can BNS still try to recoup funds if its available via Tangerine, or does everything go between them and the trustee? | does the fact that Tangerine is owned by BNS, give BNS the ability to take funds from a Tangerine account, owned by a delinquent BNS customer? |
t3_3i1k0n | relationships | I [25 F] am caught in an awkward love triangle with my ex-bf [29 M] and my current sort of boyfriend [20 M]. | So basically I split up with my boyfriend about a month ago, and have since been seeing another guy who I'm starting to fall for.
Everything had been going really well, until ex-bf decided to whirl back into my life. The relationship fell apart for a number of stupid reasons, and there are certainly still feelings there on both sides, albeit a lot of hurt also.
He's trying to patch things up now, and I just don't know what I want. Here's the run down:
Ex-bf: super smart and handsome, we were together for just over six years but we'd both been losing interest for the last ~two years before we split up. The sex stopped, he started making excuses to go away for work for weeks at a time... He's a great guy but hasn't been a great ex, accusing me of cheating and being generally kind of cruel (e.g. the whole break up was exclusively my fault, giving me a list of things I've done wrong, etc.) The problem is, my parents and sisters adore him and want us to get back together. He wants us to get back together. I guess it's easiest to just go back but I felt so trapped and isolated. He has a wonderful job and career goals that aligned with mine, but absolutely no flexibility. Future and babies planned to the day.
New sort of bf: sweet, funny and charming. Started dating shortly after the breakup and have gone a million miles an hour since meeting. He had me meet his mom in the first week and it was great. I feel so giddy and free around him. I guess there's a lot more uncertainty here, but I suppose that comes with the fact that he's quite a bit younger - long term career and family goals aren't really at the forefront and that's really ok for me at the moment.
Writing this out I can see the obvious choice, just by the way I present the two of them. I guess what I need help with is the fact that I don't know how to disentangle everything. I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions, by two opposing futures. | Caught between a slightly shitty ex everyone loves and a kind of awesome new guy but I don't know how to disentangle myself. |
t3_31xzfw | relationships | Bad feelings about him [18 M] breaking up with his girlfriend to be with me [17 F]. | I don't have a lot of experience with relationships so I'm not really sure how to handle this or how to feel.
I started talking to him in the beginning of March (one month to this day exactly). We really started hitting it off and he and I are actually really similar and comfortable around each other.
I guess we both knew that we liked each other but aren't officially dating. And today he dropped a truth bomb on me and the gist of it was, "I've been dating someone for a while now and we hit a rough patch and now I definitely know that I'm going to break it off once the week ends. I didn't want to give off the impression that I'm being deceptive or cheating on you."
I don't know how to feel, because on one hand, I appreciate him for being honest and telling me the truth about the situation, but on the other hand, it's left me with a bad taste in my mouth because if I knew that he was dating someone already, I wouldn't have pursued him and flirted with him (and him flirting back). I feel like it's disrespectful for him to treat both of us girls like that, even if he was going through a rough patch with his girlfriend.
I want to say something about it and tell him my feelings, but I'm a really non-confrontational person and I don't want it to make it sound like I'm attacking him. But. It's just left me with a slight sinking feeling in my stomach. I don't want to be a rebound. I don't want to be that girl. How do I know if he really, genuinely likes me or only likes me as a rebound, because he constantly tells me that he's never been this comfortable with another person before and he highly values the relationship that we have.
Again, I don't know how to deal with this because I've only been in 2 other relationships spread out in a span of 3 and a half years.
Any advice is helpful. Thank you all. | Boy I like confessed that he was still dating another person when we started liking each other and I don't know how to act or what to feel. |
t3_4t8v0g | relationships | I (16/m) just found out that my girlfriend (16/f) is moving overseas in a few years. What do I do? | So me and my girlfriend both love each other. She just found out that theres a big chance she's going to be moving to America (we live in Australia) in 2 years, after high school. We're going to talk about it tomorrow and she's going to want to break it up knowing that it will be to hard to keep a relationship knowing she'll have to move. But do you guys think, if we keep it on and she moves, it could work out? I'm willing to visit America to see her, and would do literally anything to not leave her, and I know she doesn't really want to leave me either. Is there anything that I can do or say tomorrow that would change her mind and do you guys think it could work?
(inb4 you're only 16 you'll probably have a lot more girlfriends in the future)
Thanks a lot guys :) | What can I say to my girlfriend to stop her from wanting to break up with me because she's moving in a few years, and do you guys think it could work out. |
t3_14q2un | running | Chubby Girl Ran a Half Mile! And it was EASY! | I am a 31/F, 5 feet tall and 190 pounds (EEK!) I have been putting serious effort into running for three weeks. Sunday was the start of week four and I ran an entire half mile, non-stop. I know this isn't a huge deal to people who are natural runners and can run and run and run without a problem, but being a short chubby girl who couldn't even run the mile in gym class (with additional medical issues as I've gotten older) this was the biggest milestone in my life in years.
My boyfriend is an ultra marathoner, so I have a great coach who is super supportive and full of helpful advice all the time. I have recently subscribed to this subreddit, and I am constantly motivated and inspired by all the posts. I wanted to pay it back and tell any beginners out there to stick to it. Slow and steady consistency does pay off!
If anyone is interested in how I did it, here it is:
I read a post on here 4 weeks ago (I wish I would have saved it so I could credit the guy) about how a triathlete started running. He said he left his house, ran two minutes out, two minutes back, six days a week, and that is all for the first week. Every week, add one minute to your time. That's all I've been doing! The week of 4 minute runs were really hard for me, but I kept at it, and decided I needed another week of 4 minute runs because it didn't feel easy enough for me. Last night it felt so good, I forgot to look at my times and just RAN! I stopped at a half mile and felt as though I could have kept going. I didn't want to push my luck, but it feels amazing and I am super proud of myself! | If I can do it, you can do it if you want it bad enough. I'm awesome, you're awesome, woo! |
t3_w7nyh | self | I need a tattoo: "the infector" | My husband just read a book and deemed me an "infector". I need a tattoo, now. Things are a mess in my life; hey, yeah, they've always been but geez. I put my cat to sleep (kidney failure) on the 3rd, I have a job I'm indifferent about at best, my husband hasn't had a job in three + years, I live in the ghetto, and I work so hard and get nothing for it.
I need the tattoo that he has branded my soul with. Please help me. Draw, paint, OpenOffice, MS Word, whatever... " the infector".
I infect his life with my depression and whatnot. I've had my 5 minutes (definitely less than 15!!) of internet fame, so seriously, the tattoo fits. Maybe it will give me the willpower to do something better. I know where I'd like to be and what I'd like to be doing. I also know if I go, I dash all of his hopes and dreams.
I'm not an artist, although if I wasn't supporting him I would have taken classes. I'm no musician, though I would have taken singing lessons. I live in the ghetto, though I would have been able to move out within a month or so.
I am the infector of sadness, hopelessness, and loss. Please design something fitting. I have no money, but I will figure out how to "embezzle" it from my account (and yes, he said he was joking, but embezzling was mentioned when I spent 10$ of money that I earned). | Need a tattoo that says "the infector" and I'm no artist. Please warn others away from me. |
t3_34id5z | relationships | Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [24 F] 1.5yr, Resents me because I don't want to buy a house with her. | Me and my girlfriend have been arguing a bit lately about irrelevant stuff but on every argument she has brought up how we have to always to things MY way and stuff like that. I ask her what she means and she goes on about how I don't want to get married yet and I don't want to buy a house together until we're married.
She wants to start looking at houses soon as she is tired of renting. Which is fair enough but I don't want to buy a house with someone who I'm not married to, let alone someone I've only been with for 18 months. I see mortgages as the financial equivalent to marriage. She thinks I'm selfish because I wont even consider it and how she's always having to wait for me. I told her to buy a house and i'll pay her rent but then she says that she doesn't want to have to take all of the risk and how that's not fair on her.
I'm just getting fairly tired of it coming up all the time thats all. Am I actually being selfish reddit or does this make sense? I don't see any compromise to this. I shouldn't be forced into something that doesn't make any sense to me and I'm not comfortable with. Especially a life decision like this.
More importantly, I cant afford to buy a house. I have zero savings. I've always struggled financially and had no funding of any sort whereas she's been able to work for her family for years and save up a nice deposit already. I have nothing of the sorts... | Girlfriend wants to buy a house. Resents me because I don't want to until we are married. Tired of the resentment. |
t3_2nlfe2 | loseit | Happy Thanksgiving /r/loseit and SV | I just wanted to post to say Happy Thanksgiving. Remember all the good advice that you've had and the fact that this is just another day on our journey to be leaner people. If you go over your limits, it's just one day, don't let it tumble into oblivion and put all of the weight back on after your hard work to take it off. We are in this together...lurkers and posters alike!
That being said, I'll make this post useful and say that I'm excited that when I popped on my scale mid-day yesterday, I'm over 10 lbs down! I figured it would be possible and expected the scale to read a few pounds higher since I had eaten already and I was just curious, but it read lower than I expected. So that was a fantastic thing to be thankful for today.
Basically I have just added a significant amount of movement to my current lifestyle and I feel more energetic and happy than I did before. I'm lighter and my clothes are starting to fit better. I'm going to start getting into calorie counting, as I know that 10 lbs in a month wont continue forever, but it doesn't take away the fact that I've started to slim down from my personal heaviest to closer to my start of college weight.
I will say that while my coworkers on my team know that I'm on a weight loss journey and a few close people, I haven't gone spreading it like wild fire and I think that has helped a lot as well. I feel no obligation to anyone but myself on this journey and I'm doing this on my terms, for myself, for my health, for what I want out of life. I don't know what it was called exactly, but I definitely feel like it's been easier to lose by not getting satisfied by losing a couple of pounds and telling people I've lost whatever it might be and getting complacent. | Happy Thanksgiving and like has been said many times one day wont make you or break you. Also, I'm 10 lbs down on my journey |
t3_2l9j7h | travel | My frustrating experience buying a sculpture in Vietnam and having it shipped to the U.S. | If you're ever traveling overseas and decide to purchase something | The fees for getting my item here in the U.S. were more than 5x more than what I was told at the point of purchase in Vietnam, and the process has been really long, time-consuming, and frustrating. |
t3_1w3qar | relationships | Me [24 M] having issues with dating [28F] partner of a month who struggles severe depression | Good evening, reddit. First time posting, so I hope I do my situation justice.
I have recently entered into a relationship with a girl who I have been friends with for the past four months. I knew she struggled with severe depression before dating her, but now that we are in a more emotionally and physically intimate context, I'm finding her 'down' periods to have a very strong negative impact on me. When her dark times come, she tends to withdraw, act indifferently to all communication, activities, and contact.
I am no stranger to dating individuals with emotional disorders. I've dated a bi-polar schizophrenic for a year and a half, and another girl with equally severe depression for four months. These individuals however, reacted more often than not with anger rather than withdrawing when things got bad. Thus, over the years I have adopted a personal defensive mechanism of becoming emotionally detached whenever I feel a mood swing approaching from my partner, so as not to take the behavior personally.
My problem is this, I do care about my current girlfriend very much, but I'm so tired of having to stonewall my emotions. I don't want to feel like I'm helpless and powerless in my own relationship when my partner decides to explode/withdraw. When my current girlfriend withdraws, it is as if I'm watching her from outside a bubble, where I'm unable to do anything to show her I care, and that I support her. I feel my words of love and support go completely unrecognized, and that I simply have to wait out the downs. In this process, I feel myself grow emotionally cold and distant as frustrations build.
I know depression isn't something one can control, and it certainly isn't something one wants to have. That being said, being at the mercy of these swings that can interrupt our plans and days together, and simply wrecks my feelings of meaningful contribution to our relationship. I have talked to her about this, and she says that she'll attempt to communicate more about her thoughts, rather than withdraw when the down periods come, but that her depression has always played a significant and detrimental role in her previous relationships.
Does anyone out there have experience in a similar situation that they have successfully navigated? | I very much like my girlfriend who suffers from major depressive episodes, but being repeatedly emotionally shut out by her makes me feel powerless and emotionally detached. |
t3_2inhcl | relationships | I [20F] desperately need help getting over jealousy of this one girl [20F]. It is poisoning my life. | I'm 20F, she's 20F, my boyfriend is 21M (1 year together). We all go to the same college.
I am extraordinarily jealous of this girl. It is so toxic to my life and I need to learn how to get over it.
Before I started dating my current boyfriend, I pursued a different guy. He kind of led me on. He asked for exclusivity but ended up cheating with this girl. It broke my heart to pieces.
Second reason... well, my boyfriend has described his perfect girl to me before we started dating. Most people think I am very pretty, but I always felt kind of bad for not being his ideal. Plus I have a prosthetic foot so I'm not really anyone's ideal. He is also VERY conservative with relationships. He doesn't date anyone unless he wants to be with them forever. He told me before that he was absolutely in love with this girl, and he 100% new that she was the one.
Well, I connected the dots. He was talking about the same girl that my ex cheated on me with. Who exactly fits his "perfect" girl description.
This is where I fucked up. I went on her facebook and looked at her pictures, and saw her going on all these really incredible dates that my boyfriend took her on previously... stuff I've always wanted to do. And stuff that I bonded with my boyfriend over and he told me I'm unique...
I just can't get over this shitty jealousy feeling. I know my boyfriend loves me, but two guys I've cared about have been absolutely smitten with this girl and she always seems to have an advantage over me. :(
Please help, I know it is wrong to feel this way, but I don't know how to change my mind. I have never been jealous over the past before. Just this one girl. | I am stupidly jealous of this girl because my ex cheated on me with her, and I found out that she dated my boyfriend before and he practically worshipped her and she fits his description of perfection. |
t3_2efnra | offmychest | Don't let the Gym change you dude | So, where to begin, we've been friends for years and to say the least we were both very much supportive of another within each of our own endeavors; sure we'd throw the occasional joke around but at the end of the day we'd both know that it was just that, a joke. Though, it was just last year that we decided to join our local gym to 'fit' ourselves up. It was great in the first half of the year, we were still pretty much the same people we were before lifting; but then somehow completely out of nowhere you decided that you'd throw away anything relating to the great person you used to be. You went and got a haircut and literally that was where it all changed. You made some 'gains' and you're ego soared through the roof; now every time we'd hang around our group of friends and during our conversations with new people, you decide that you're more 'alpha' than me and decide to oppress me with the 'jokes' that we'd used to throw around. Honestly now, it is blatantly obvious to both you and I; that you're indirectly attacking and embarrassing me- attempting to conceal the insult under some sort of illusion of a joke and your post-insult "just kidding man". I'm quite sorry to say that you're not the same friend I met awhile ago; and I can honestly say that all your insults really do hurt- come on man, we used to be wingmans... You really think lifting a couple weights, smoking some substances and drinking underage makes you a better person than me? It doesn't give you any right to say the shit you do, and you probably do realize that I only put up with it because we used to be each others 'bro'; yet you continue. But now... what can I say, bro? Our friends will look down on me for ever saying this to your face, they don't see the way you've changed; all they see is the 'mad alpha that lifts' at hand... And honestly I'd really rather not know what happens when I do; perhaps I should just leave the group, I'm sure that world has so much more to offer than egocentric, narcissistic dipshits like you. | Friend joins Gym, becomes a dickhead, attempts to enforce his 'alphaness' on me, I'm done being 'friends'. |
t3_1xlfgc | relationships | Getting married to a guy I've only been dating for six months, because I'm pregnant. I do love him, but is this a mistake? What's your input. | I'm 22, F, he's 23, m. We've been dating for six months, and he is going to school in a different town, an hour away. We see each other maybe once a month, though much more recently. About a month ago we found out I was pregnant, and he proposed to me this last week. I happily accepted, because I'm quite taken with him, as he is with me. Though that's a light explanation, we have a great physical attraction, as well as intellectual compatibility, but this whole thing has been much more difficult for me to accept than it was for him. I wasn't expecting this change at this point in my life, and it's been a large adjustment.
I've also had much longer relationships than he has (2-4 years, compared to his previous couple of months) and I realize a lot can change during that time. Honeymoon phases ended, people change or realize they're not the same couple they started out as, etc.
He talked about us getting married before I got pregnant, and honestly I didn't take it seriously at the time. I thought perhaps it was infatuation talk, or at best a far off goal or dream.
These doubts of mine are a very recent thing ... I've sort of just realized oh dear, I've mad a huge commitment to a person I believe myself to be in love with, but also don't know very well..... six months, nearly an hour a part only begins to scratch the surface of understanding each other..... I feel I've been caught in a rose-colored world until this point.
I've told him and he understands and accepts my feelings, but I'm wondering if anyone has more experienced advice to offer me. Have you been in this situation and how did it turn out? | My now fiance and I haven't known each other too long. and are having a child together. We love each other tremendously, but can being near strangers getting married work out well for us and our child? |
t3_1n749t | relationships | Is my (21m) gf's (20f) social media activity something to be concerned about | I check my instagram several times throughout the day, mostly during class. A lot of times I look at the following tab where it shows you what pictures your friends are liking. I've noticed my gf has recently been liking almost all of her ex bf's friends pictures. 3 guys in particular. They post maybe 2 or 3 photos a day and she likes about 50% of all their pics. Normally I wouldn't care, I mean its just instagram. But here's the weird thing, she doesn't even follow any of them. That means the only way she can be seeing and liking all of their photos is if she's constantly searching thier usernames several times a day. Everday I'll see that she liked some of thier photos that aren't even 1 hour old. So basically she's looking up her ex and all of his friends profiles every few fucking hours. Oh and shes also told me they don't talk at all anymore. Idk how I'm supposed to react. She already knows I have a trust issue because of something else she did before (basically cheated on me). What would you do in my situation? | found out my girlfriend has been looking up her ex's and his friends social media accounts several times a day and liking lots of their content |
t3_2j8q8k | relationships | My [23M] girlfriend is so busy I don't really see her [21F] anymore. | Started dating at the start of the summer (May) so we're at around 6 months.
I'm graduated college and working, but she is in her senior year and working really hard on getting good marks to get into graduate school. For the past few weeks, we've been seeing each other less and less, and her texts that would normally say "come over and watch Netflix" have changed into "sorry I have readings/work/an essay/etc". Since the start of October I've seen her only three days, each for 2 hours at a time. Haven't been invited to sleep over in over two weeks either.
A couple Fridays ago I managed to get her to come out with me for dinner, but right before the date started, she said she had to head straight home after dinner to work on her essay. I had already set aside my entire Friday night to be with her, and had to just go home and game alone after the dinner.
I texted her on the weekend that I've been feeling like every time I try to hang out it gets shut down. She apologized, saying that there are times where she's going to be really really busy and this was one of them. In a subsequent text she said I'm important to her, and we should talk about it in person, so this talk is coming up.
She always says that I matter a lot to her and that she really wants to see me, but she doesn't show it or put it into action.
My problem is that, yes people are busy in college, but not so much so that they can NEVER see your SO. People in college and grad school date all the time, make appropriate time for their SO's... its hard to see why she can't.
I'm her first boyfriend and she has claimed she isn't sure how things like how often we spent time together "work".
It's frustrating. | now that school is in the full swing of things, I'm seeing my girlfriend barely twice a week, only for a few hours, and haven't slept over in what is now weeks. |
t3_25vkbo | relationships | Me [234F] with my boyfriend[28 M] 2 1/2 years, How do you know when to end a relationship when there isn't anything "wrong"? | My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and he is wonderful. Before him, I was in a series of really negative relationships and then I finally found him: he treats me well, loves me more than anything in the world, and works very hard at our relationship. However, I'm feeling myself go through patterns of being really happy and in love and every 6 months or so we go through what we've been calling "rough patches" where I'm really unhappy and thinking of ending the relationship. During these rough patches, no one is doing anything wrong (no one is cheating, being abusive, nothing). I am just suddenly filled with doubt about whether or not he is the right person for me. He has never had these doubts, they all come from me. He tells me that he thinks I am the love of his life and I usually just don't feel that way about him. I'm genuinely not sure that I could possibly do any better than him (not because I have low self esteem but because he is such a wonderful person) but that doesn't mean he is the right one for me.
I guess my question is: is this just what relationships are? Is it normal to have regular periods where you aren't thrilled with the relationship because the honeymoon phase is over? Or does me having these doubts indicate that he isn't the right person for me and I should just end it? I guess I'm also just curious if a part of long-term relationships can be sort of talking yourself back into them, because I know relationships are a lot of work. | There is nothing wrong in my relationship, but I'm not sure if he's the right person for me. How do you know the difference between a relationship ebbing and flowing and one that's just not working? |
t3_4p6jds | relationships | Me [21 M] Should i be giving "love" away so freely? | So, i'm a bit of a pro-active and affectionate person. I happen to have everyone i meet or anyone around me feel good about themselves. I tell total strangers that i love them, i go for hugs, i listen to people and slip in small (but true) sincere compliments, i'm optimistic, and i'm all-around very warm and amiable. Is that wrong?
When i tell someone i love them i've recently started wondering if it makes the word "love" less than it really is because i know i don't actually love them deep down. I wonder if someday i might say it and accidentally lead someone on (by way of my actions as well) or someone will call me out on it's usage not being entirely sincere. So, am i wrong to do the things i do and say the things i say? Is me being the way i am a problem? | I'm very warm and likable but i'm not sure if me being so affectionate and free with "love" is a good/bad thing |
t3_2jfryx | relationships | Exclusivity between me [21 F] with my FWB [27 M]. | Been hooking up with a FWB (more like fuck buddy) for ~4 mos. now.
He kept asking me to go on birth control so we could stop using condoms. I told him that would be fine, but since we wouldn't be using condoms and I don't want STDs, I wouldn't be okay with us hooking up with other people. He saw me telling him this as my way to "trick" him into an exclusive relationship with me. That got me thinking, maybe I'm being too paranoid about the STD thing and should be okay with hooking up with other people as long as condoms are used? | If my fuck buddy and I aren't using condoms, is it against fuck buddy etiquette for me to expect exclusivity in order to avoid STDs? |
t3_umwqa | AskReddit | Can anyone on Reddit spare some advice for someone with a gas leak, no money and mad neighbors? | At the moment I'm renting an apartment owned by my father. There are 2 other people in his building, my neighbors, the ones I interact with every day.
One of my neighbors called a guy after we had all smelt gas in the staircase. Good thing he did, turns out to be a gas leak. The pipes are pretty old, so good chance there will be another leak soon. In the meantime one of my neighbors has his gas disconnected to prevent us from blowing up until the leak is fixed. (the leak is underground, so less easy and more expensive to fix)
My father is of course the one who should pay for fixing/replacing the pipes. But he doesn't want to. He doesn't like the guy whose gas is disconnected so he rather wants to keep it like this. I did not expect this reaction from him, so I already told my neighbors I'd take care of it. Now even when we split the bill (which my neighbors probably won't agree to) it's going to be A LOT of money and a lot less friendly neighbor talk in the staircase.
What should I do? Just suck it up and pay for it myself? This will obliterate my savings and my father will be pissed for acting against his will and might kick me out (which he could do, no contracts were signed). Or do you have a better solution? I could really use one. | Gas leak in the house I live in and my father owns. He won't pay for it, leaving my neighbor without gas until I(the one without a lot of cash) do something. |
t3_39b883 | relationships | I [F24] am worried about my brother's [M27] health before his wedding. | Throwaway because some people know my username.
My brother and I are polar opposites. He is very smart, an engineer, pretty reserved, and not very street smart (i hate to say it but its true). I am very outgoing, social, and pursuing a masters in public health, and got a bachelors in Kinesiology so I am extremely health minded. After my mom died back in 2013, my brother and I had no choice but to grow closer (since its just him me and my dad now, we have a very small family) and the closer I grow the more I worry about him. He is about 6'1 and weighs close to 280lbs, maybe even more, I haven't seen him since Dec. My dad had a heart attack in Dec which makes me extremely worried because my dad and my brother both have a history of hypertension (I, thankfully, do not, and get physicals x2 a year).
He is getting married in September and I am just worried for his health; I want him to be able to have fun at his wedding, and on his honeymoon and do not know how to talk to him without him getting angry. I am extremely bias in terms of my thinking about eating right and exercising because I have had it engrained into my brain for close to 6 years now (with my studies), and I just want him to make his health a priority. I know you cannot force someone to change, and I know that they need to do it at their own pace, but I do NOT want to have to go through my brother having a heart attack at 30 years old, and leaving his new wife a widow. I REALLY need advice on how to proceed or not proceed, because I love him so dearly, and am not ready to lose my only brother. | Brother is extremely overweight with hypertension, and I am worried about his health now that he is getting married; not sure how to proceed. |
t3_205r8i | relationships | I [21 M] was asked out by my [20 F] friend today. I panicked and said "yes" but I actually wanted to say "no". Does anyone have any advice? | For some context; Today one of my friends asked me on a coffee date with them this weekend. Having never been asked out before, it took my by such surprise that I said "errrm yeah sure" and regretted it immediately afterwards.
I was wondering what I do now, knowing that I don't want to go on a date with them this weekend?
I didn't want to say "oh wait, actually, no I don't want to" after already saying "yes" since I thought it would be a pretty horrible thing to do, and know I would have been crushed if that had happened to me. At the same time, I don't want to lead them on and let them think I might feel the same way when I don't.
I feel even worse as I am actually looking for a girlfriend right now, I just don't want it to be her (as harsh as that sounds). Don't get me wrong it is flattering, I just don't feel the same way.
Does anyone have any advice for this situation?
I thought of maybe saying something to them tomorrow along the lines of "at the time I thought you meant as friend, but then I realised you might have meant as a date and, sorry, but I don't feel the same way" or something like that, but I can't decided if that is a horrible idea or not... | Said yes to my friend asking me out in panic, but I don't want to go on a date with her. How do I let her know/let her down gently? |
t3_1i72er | loseit | Help on a different level... | F/20/5'2''/120
So heres the deal,
I never gave a thought till how I ate until last october when my bmi hit overweight the first time at 128. This stuck me and in about 3-4months I lost about 18 pounds at school. I've returned home for the summer and am on a serious nutrition kick. It's all I think about, all I crave, and when I eat unhealthy things, I feel guilty and I physically feel bad. I get an upset stomach every time I eat something like pizza, or fries, cake, exc. The problem is my family eats however they please. I do do most of the cooking but every once in a while I get a surprise. Like tonight for instance: I came home at 9:30pm and had a pizza waiting for me that someone had ordered-just for me. It makes me feel so terrible I could cry. I've worked hard to get where I got and this is exactly the kind of food that now upsets my stomach and makes me feel guilty. What can I do or say to my family without hurting their feelings? I already get comments like "she doesn't eat carbs" directed at me, even though I do, and I can tell that they are frustrated, but so am I. I apologize if this isn't the subreddit for this, or that there is a better one out there, but I would greatly appreciate some feedback and help.
Thank you in advance,
LandAubrey | What do I tell my family when they make or buy me unhealthy things and I can't/won't let myself eat it because of guilt and a potential upset stomach? |
t3_35nkav | relationships | I [26f] am NOT ok with my bf's [26m] close relationship with his ex's family. I'm not comfortable with it, and he's not willing to change anything...breakup on the horizon? | I've been with him for a year and a half now. He was with his ex for about 3 years, then he was single for a year after their break up, before he met me. She's married with 2 babies now.
Thing is, he's still very friendly and social with his ex's family, primarily with her older sister and brothers. They still hang out, they're also very active on each others social medias, constantly liking / commenting etc.
I'm NOT comfortable with it. I don't like it. I personally do not stay in touch with any of my exes or their families, out of respect for my significant other. I've talked to my bf about this and told him that I want him to stop contact with them, but his explanation is that he was already friends with them before he dated his ex....still, that does not make me feel better. I feel like he's unwilling to let them go, and I can't really stand it...and it does feel like he chooses them over me, he's willing to let me go in order to keep them....so is a breakup likely in the future? | I [26f] am NOT ok with my bf's [26m] close relationship with his ex's family. I'm not comfortable with it, and he's not willing to change anything. |
t3_1h00i5 | relationships | I'm (26,f) having a hard time dealing with limerence/obsession over friend/coworker (m, 22) | So I've never experienced something like this before, and it's really throwing me for a loop. I've been working with my coworker now for about a year, and we're fairly close and hang out pretty often. I admit I found his personality incredibly attractive in the beginning, definitely had a crush on him. But I was also going through a difficult time with the illness and subsequent death of my only sibling, so pursuing him seriously wasn't even on my mind.
I thought I was doing fine with it, hanging out and whatnot. Now, I admit I use him a lot in my daydreams, like everyday, all the time. I'm just too old for this shit. But in real life, I don't think it could happen. Now I'm pretty attractive myself, but I'm older, taller than he. And he's made it pretty clear in our convos that mutual attraction is essential in any relaitonship, and I'm definitely not his type. So I thought I put it out of my mind.
Now, he's actively pursuing another coworker (22), and it sparked a jealously I didn't know existed. And that it turn created this sort of weird longing for him, and a desire for him to want me. This coworker is more of his type physically, but has a bf, so he's trying really really hard to get to know her. I find myself wishing all day that he would care as much about me, or take that sort of romantic interest in me. It's incredibly disarming for me to feel these things. Like I'm older, never felt this way before about anyone, especially someone who showed no romantic interest in me at all.
I just don't know what to do. I can't cut off all contact because we share the same circle of friends, but it's bringing me to tears everytime I see how he acts around someone he's interested in. The newfound interest in this coworker is just a constant reminder of that. So, how should I handle this? | Found myself in limerence with younger coworker, with no real possibility of romantic relationship. Seeing how he acts everyday towards someone he's interested in feels like it's breaking my heart. How do I even go about fixing this? |
t3_4lbilo | relationships | I [20F] think I have commitment issues, and I need help | Just for some background information: I'm (20f), still a virgin and I've never had a boyfriend. But, I'm totally okay with that. I recently started talking to a guy I thought I really liked but once he started showing interest towards me I totally lost any that I had in him.
Thinking about being in a relationship makes me want to throw up. The thought of somehow being "attached" to someone else scares me so much. Any form of intimacy scares me, I barely even hug my closest friends. The only time I've been with guys (just making out) I've been drunk or high because thats the only time I can force myself too.
Since I started talking to this guy (just texting) I've been a fucking mess with anxiety and I've been hanging out with friends 24/7 so I can just be distracted from my problems. I really did like him but i really don't want a relationship, but what if I'm just overreacting? Should I see a therapist or something?? also if I break it off with this guy what do I say? I'm getting the impression that he's really into me, so I'll feel so bad telling him I don't want anything. | scared of relationships/intimacy, talking to a guy, need help possibly telling him I don't want anything, and help with commitment issues |
t3_4ih2vh | tifu | TIFU by setting my neighbour's house on fire | So as follows, this didn't happen today.
As a young kid i was very adventurous, always looking for something new to do or to plat with. I was very interested in fire and trains, two things you shouldn't mix. Anyway, my neighbour had this train set, a massive one, that was spread through their entire garage. It was all set up, the train would have tunnels and bridges and it was amazing. Or so I thought. Me being me bugged my parents for months to buy me one but they never would as it was always about money and how much things would cost etc etc. I really wanted to use the train set my neighbours had.
This is where the **FU** happens.
My neighbours went out one afternoon but ended up leaving their garage open. I seized this opportunity and entered the garage to fulfill my 10 yr old selfs dream of using this train set. Like i said, i was very interested in fire as well. So after playing with the set for a while, i saw a pack of matches lying a few meters away from the set, not sure why it was there. I decided to put some newspaper in one of the carriages and set it on fire to replicate coal burning. I know coal doesn't burn there now. Anyway a few moments after doing this the carriage falls off the track, little 10 yr old me just freaks out and runs.
The entire garage ends up going up in flames and i think it spread to a bit of the house. To this day no one knows it was me although i feel my parents have suspicions. My neighbours had to replace everything in the garage and they ended up moving houses. | Snuck into neighbour's house, played with their train set. Set a carriage on fire, carriage fell over. I ran. Garage went up in flames. |
t3_1j1cho | pettyrevenge | My Older Brother is Anything but the Alpha | **The Problem**
So a while back my older brother charged into my room holding his "precious" Halo 4 disc claiming that I had scratched it, it wasn't working, and that I had to pay him back $60 or buy him a new one. I said okay, just let me gather the money and I will give it to him later. I did this because even though I didn't do it, I knew he would just steal it from my room because he was so sure that i did it.
**The Realization**
I went online to find that the game was now $40 because of how long the game was out, and so I started thinking of every time he was mean to me, and I got angry, and my youngest child devious brain started thinking.
**The Revenge**
I gathered up $40 instead of $60, I mean, it's the new value, I'm not giving him $60! That $40 though, was a combination of pennies, dimes, quarters, nickels, and dollar bills. I dropped it on his desk, saw the look on his face, and he didn't say a work. The evil grin on my face walking out of his room made my mom sigh, go in his room, and start laughing and gave me a^high^^five. | Payed back brother in quarters, dimes, pennies, nickels, and dollar bills for something I didn't do. |
t3_4qoxaq | college | Effective studying techniques | So I just got the 3 powerscore books and they are very detailed! I fear my studying habits/techniques may hinder my ability to do well on the LSAT however. For ex I've never learned how to power read but I've noticed the powerscore book does go over it and the importance of being able to power read. But I fear that I wont be an effective power reader because Ive never learned or practiced to power read. The same goes for other studying techniques. What other techniques should I learn? I've read about the importance of mnemonic devices as well. Are there any books or websites that will teach me to be a better student, teach me how to learn more effectively and efficiently. I fear that even though the powerscore books are top notch study material my studying habits will hold me back. In college I was able to simply scan over material and remember class notes and that was enough to get through as long as you have a room temperature IQ. My competition on the LSAT exam, however, will be much higher thus I fear my abilities or rather lack thereof. | Any site or books that will teach me techniques to be a better student so I can take full advantage of the Powerscore LSAT books. |
t3_tpd91 | AskReddit | My mom wants to reconcile with me after 12 years of almost no contact because of a really bad Divorce. Advice? | The story: (sorry it's long...)
When I was 14 my mom suddenly decided she really hated my dad and wanted to get a divorce. It was a very messy year that included lots of fighting, gossip, religion (seriously), and just general confusion as to why this was even happening.
Fast forward through all the crap of my dad begging my mom to stay, and then basically pushing my brother and I to try to maintain a relationship with my mom (which really did not work out at all, it was all too overwhelming so we gave up)... I'm 26 now, and I get a phone call that my mom will be in town and wants to meet up with my brother and I.
We saw her last year when we were visiting relatives in their home country. (My family is Taiwanese, if you're curious).
Chinese people are pretty hush-hush about divorces... its not abnormal for two people who are not in love to get married and have kids in their culture... but apparently my mom decided to take it to another level and make sure that our lives would not progress in a normal manner...
Anyway, I am basically developing ulcers and not able to focus at all at work because of the stress.
I spoke to my dad about it, and after his initial shock he said that I should do what I want, but ultimately speaking I still feel this overwhelming burden that I should reconcile with her. Even though all I actually want to do is run away. In fact, I want to tell her that I don't want her to contact me ever again. But this makes me feel like a really shitty person.
Also, pretty sure she is here in town because I'm basically close to getting married and she wants to be a part of that now =/
Any advice? | My mom left our family when I was 14, and wants to be a part of my life 12 years later after a very messy Divorce. Any tips on dealing with it? |
t3_2asgvg | dogs | Childhood dog has a lump on his waterline? | Came back home to mom and dads this week for a couple days and noticed my dog (13, M, Corgi) had a little bump on his eye.
Thinking it was an eye buggie, I tried to wipe it off. But it wouldn't, and I began to realize "hey. this could be like attached to him." and it is. It looks like a small cyst or something, i'm not sure.
Here are pictures:
He's had health problems in the past with a recurring perianal hernia, and i'm just trying to avoid anymore health issues for as long as we can. I know he's getting old and these things are gonna happen, but we're still trying to prevent what we can.
Anybody have any insight on what the fuck is on my dogs eye? | 13 year old corgi has a pink lump on his top eyelid. he's had health issues in the past and we're trying to be as proactive as possible. anyone know what it may be? |
t3_2ili80 | relationships | I [20 F] found an inappropriate photo on his [20 M] facebook. | Hi! I recently started classes at a school that is primarily for adults but has a 19-21 program. I am in this program and attend a daily math class. It's been great so far. The boy who sits next to me usually friended me today on Facebook, and this is where it goes downhill. I'll preface this by saying I am a very private person, and have not had extended conversations with many people in class, as I am somewhat reserved and shy.
I clicked on his profile, and his picture is him nude with a pillow covering his genitals. Okay whatever, feel free to flaunt your body. So i click through a few photos and come across a photo of my feet, with the tagline **"omfg, daddy likes those sexy little toes."**
The photo was very obviously my feet, I recognize the sandals and my backpack is beside me in the shot. I do carry extra weight, so many comments were made about "eww! gross! fat legs!" in addition to telling him not to photograph random girls. So at this point, I'm a bit stressed out.
I send him a message, simply asking "Why is there a photo of my feet on your profile?" and he responds by saying he has a foot fetish, he never expected me to see it, i have nice feet, etc. I tell him its a violation of my privacy and its disrespectful to me making sexual comments about me publically. He insists I'm overreacting and I'm "such a feminist!" ....
Conversation lasts a few more minutes, he's trying to tell me how much I am overreacting and how I need to relax, he did nothing wrong. I tell him to please leave me alone and stay away from me, and block him.
So, what do I do at this point?
Was having this conversation with him sufficient?
Should I speak to administration at school? I'm leaning towards *yes* because he doesn't understand what he did is wrong.
I appreciate anyones opinion, thank you! | kid who sits next to me has a foot fetish and posted a photo of my feet on his profile with sexual comments. when confronted, told me he did nothing wrong and i'm overreacting. |
t3_mmg81 | AskReddit | Scientifically Inclined Ladies of Reddit: How do I purchase gifts for my niece at a very young age such that she will end up like you (ie, scientifically inclined and not a marketing major like her mother)? | I have the best niece on the planet. I've been selected as a kind of family steward for her, and as a part of that I'm making it my personal responsibility to guide her education and development so that, even if she doesn't choose to make something STEM a part of her career, she is literate in those areas.
I am the first scientist in my family, and the hardest thing for me was to learn that you can't just 'phone in' your studies (we're a relatively intelligent bunch) like you can in High School and/or Liberal Arts/Business School. It was also hard for me to get access to knowledge about what being in STEM was like (how the field works, what you need to do and know to advance), because there were no role models or mentors available to me. As I noted up top, her mother (who is brilliant) is a Marketing Major so not a lot of help there. I understand that I can't (and don't want to) *force* my niece into STEM, but I want it to be available to her as a career path (whereas for me, it was distant and ill-considered).
My niece is just over 8 months now, and I want to get started early with dexterity and spatial relations toys. My inclination is to just go with 'gender neutral' toys I would've killed for as a kid (as a male) ie a set of blocks that matched, lego, space posters. In consulting with the scientist ladies I know, the consensus seems to be "I had/I wish I had the same toys that boys get (minus guns and killing, usually though not always)." Is there something I'm missing?
(Full disclosure: this is partially motivated by my not-too-long-ago freshman science classes that had a 10:1 male:female ratio) | What kind of gifts can I buy my 8-year-old niece (now and over her lifespan) to subtly manipulate my niece into learning more about science? |
t3_110cdq | AskReddit | Hey Reddit, Why do/would you still hit on a boy or a girl fully knowing that person is already taken? | For me personally pursuing a girl who is already taken is just unimaginable. Regardless of their attraction, if that person was taken or seeing someone, I would drop my interest in her respectively. Maybe it's from an experience. I had a bunch of experiences where my ex's and current gf was hitted on by guys who I know(just their faces) and they are fully aware of that she is with me and would still try to get in my girl's pants. And it really annoys the shit out of me. Plus in some level, it sickens me.
Although there were some cases when I confronted them, couple of them told me they already had a crush on her long before I even started to dating her. I guess I understand this much. If that person you know is the ONE for you(like a soul mate) then I guess you won't be able to resist your temptation and still pursue that person.
But for people who are not in that case. Why do you do it? Why would you still pursue or even let yourself do things that may ruin that person's relationship?
Please share your thoughts and experiences. Thank you. | Share your thoughts or experiences on pursuing a person who you are fully aware of that that person is already in a relationship. |
t3_14jh1q | dating_advice | [25M] Is it appropriate to ask some one out on Facebook that is NOT my friend but I know many of her friends? | Hellllllloooooo people of /r/dating_advice! I appreciate your time reading this and hope that some of you can help me out. This is my FIRST post EVER. =D
I am a 25 year old male that noticed this lovely women on Facebook over a year ago. She is the cousin of a friend of mine and I have been trying to get him to introduce me to her but as of last week he will not help.
I am not much of a social networking person so I don't know exactly what is seen appropriate. I would like to tell her that she is very beautiful and I would like to get to know her and possible more if a spark happens but I don't want to scare her or think I am a creeper. I am not looking for sex, I am looking for a serious relationship.
My question is: How exactly do I do this? Is it appropriate for me to tell her such things as above? Do women like that? HOW?!?!
Feel free to ask questions and thank you! =) | I like a girl on Facebook that is **NOT** my friend, don't know how to reach out to her. |
t3_1l3vh6 | relationships | I(20M) don't love her(24F) after a year of dating. Do I break it off? How? | My current girlfriend and I got together within a week of me breaking up with my last long term girlfriend (who I loved very much, maybe still do.) We dated for about 10 weeks then both just started casually using boyfriend/girlfriend terminology. The relationship evolved very naturally and progressively, never any discussing it.
I don't love her, I haven't told her I love her, and she hasn't said she loves me. We've never even broached the subject. However she does know that I had a very traumatic childhood, I think she assumes I am incapable of love all together. I don't really understand her very well, it is not apparent wether she thinks she loves me or not. I doubt she does.
I feel like I am being cruel to her, it's not that I don't want to continue the relationship, it's that I want to continue the relationship for as long as it's convenient. I am moving abroad in the next ~19 months and she doesn't want to leave the US. Our relationship seems to have an expiration date, but in the mean time does she not deserve to find someone who she could have an actual future with?
I feel the morally correct thing to do is to make her available to others, if that were a heartbreaking notion for me maybe I'd feel differently, but it is not.
If I do break up with her, how? Pull a Mosby and say "I don't love you, but that's okay! You're just not the one!" Clearly that's not the proper way, but I don't feel as though I should make stuff up either.
I suspect one of the first bits of advice will be something like "talk to her about it." but you must understand, we've never really discussed anything beyond the superficial, it's very strange to me, but our relationship just doesn't seem to support it. | I don't love my girlfriend of a year. Feel as though I should break it off for that reason. Don't know the proper way to do it. |
t3_12afg2 | relationship_advice | [23/f] I have a problem being intimately comfortable around my boyfriend [24/m] of 6 years... help. | My boyfriend and I have been together since high school, and have dealt with long-distance issues before with little incident. It's been tough, but we managed to communicate effectively, neither of us have cheated, and we've never broken up before. The one thing we do fight about is the amount of alone time we have.
Both of us are living at home. I just returned from 4 months abroad, and am now completing a post-grad project, applying for jobs and internships, and saving up money to move out (hopefully) after the new year. During my time abroad, I had no real desire to cheat, and almost turned off my sexual side completely, and rarely even felt the need to masturbate.
He has been living at home for almost 18 months, and working at a job that he doesn't really enjoy, but pays him well. He constantly texts me suggestively, tries to initiate sexual contact when we're together, and always suggests I dress more provocatively. The combination of the stress of finishing my project, looking for a job, and living with my parents has put a huge dent in my desire for intimacy. My mind is constantly on work, and when he tries to initiate, it shifts to panic about my/his parents interrupting. Where some people get a rush from sneaking around, I feel almost disrespectful to be doing that in my parent's house. I had no problem when we would fool around in high school.
So r/relationship_advice, am I a robot? Is there a good way to turn off work and turn on sex? Is there a good way to get around the guilt of fooling around in our parents' homes? | Underemployed BF and I live with our parents, and I have a hard time getting turned on. Work anxiety + threat of getting caught = ladyboner kill. Help! |
t3_18tamg | AskReddit | Switching Degree/Fields in/for Graduate School: How, is it even possible? | Hello Reddit!
I wasn't sure where to post this. So i will Repost in AskReddit as well I guess.
A bit of background I guess- I am a 21 year old student in University, in my 3rd year. I am doing a double degree in Financial Analysis and International Business as the second. I am looking at graduate schools at this point, as applications are coming up in a few months. Throughout my life, History has been my passion, particularly Europe and the UK with my mother being from there, and most of my family. My friends know it, and my professors recognize it... however, for work reasons and possible work over-seas, getting a business degree was the obvious route.
After having studied abroad in the UK, getting to spend more time there than a holiday - i realized that is where i want to live, (VISA is no issue.) And I wish to study History or Celtic Studies instead. Problem being... I am a Business major(s). I have taken a few history classes, and the history department have recognized my work as a freshman for being an exemplary student despite being a non-major (i was given an official award.)
How hard is it to get into graduate school for History or Research as a business major? What do I do? It is now late in my college career so i know i can't just change majors. I like what im studying-ish.. and plan to work in banking, but i would like to eventually get a doctorate and teach history. | 3rd Year Business Major. Want to change to History or Celtic Studies in grad school. WTF do I do, to make my life not shit, or to not end up at work in a career i only slightly enjoy? |
t3_14ocgr | dating_advice | gf (23f) wants to break up but I (24M) think she is doing it for wrong reasons. Advice on how to go about this? | I (24M) have been seeing this girl for about 7 months and dating for about 4 or so.
Everything up to this point has been awesome. We hang out almost every weekend and I will go to her house or her to mine at least once a week to sleep over. Her family loves me, I love her family, all that good stuff.
LAST WEEK: she told me she is falling for me and is scared. Some back story: she has been burned before by a very manipulative ex who cheated on her constantly. I have also been cheated on and I have mentioned to her many times that I am not the person who will cheat.
FAST FORWARD PAST SATURDAY: we had plans to hang out sat night. She calls me and tells me that this isn't working and that she isn't feeling it anymore and that she doesn't want to hurt me. The shocking part was that she didn't seem sad or crying or anything. She just said it in an "Oh by the way" voice. I was shocked.
**I was completely surprised it took a week from almost falling in love to just ending it.**
Can you ladies help me out here? Is she just afraid of another commitment? Could there possibly be someone else? Or is she just over it after a week?
I haven't contacted her since Saturday and I asked to talk to her after work today. How should I go about this. She texted me saying "maybe I am scared of commitment" Saturday after she ended it. How can I assure her that I am here for the right reasons and here for her?
Thanks so much. That felt good writing out. | gf broke up with me a week after she told me she is falling in love with me. How can I assure her that her fear of commitment shouldn't be a hindrance to our relationship? |
t3_40yucb | dating_advice | Come on anxious peeps help me out! | Okay so apologies up front this will be long but I'll try to summarize. I'm a 26 year old woman and I've had anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. That being said it's been MUCH better in the last couple years. Ive been single but dating for the last year or so. I've had successful relationships before but lately I seem to just crash and burn and now it's making me so so anxious.
Okay so basically I feel fine but as soon as I get talking to someone for a period of time even a few weeks or a month my scumbag brain starts going insane usually resulting in be behaving like a nutcase. I don't know if this is because I have had bad experiences with dating and men but I want to get over this! I don't consciously think that it's going to go badly the feelings just bubble up at some point...aghhhh any advice or does anyone at least know what I mean? | dating is making my anxiety go crazy...how can I get over past bad experiences especially with my anxiety being a dick? |
t3_2aqg2n | askwomenadvice | [21 M]Meeting people in College Question | As a soon to be senior I know many friends in long-term or short term relationships and I haven't had one since my ex almost 4 years ago (tried twice since then but nothing past a first date)...
I'm committed to school and so that's always been a focus and I don't want to force a relationship. But part of me feels like I'm missing a large chance in college to possibly meet someone special.
Any advice on how to meet or chat up a girl? I don't live on campus, I commute about 20 minutes to get there everyday. As far as clubs go, I don't really see many that fit my interests, besides men's golf and things of that nature. So that's probably not going to help.
I asked one of my female friends for advice and she said to just frequent common study places or even a Starbucks and see if someone strikes my interest... To me that seems odd to just sit down at someone's table in a coffee shop or study area even if you ask politely (I mean I'm there to study not meet someone). The coffee shop seems more suitable but still odd. Thoughts? Suggestions?
Is asking female friends if they know anyone weird or needy? I've had that suggested to me as well. I wouldn't be completely opposed to a blind date but I'd rather know the person first. For instance, I'd probably prefer going on a date with the girl I just sat down with over a girl someone suggests to me. Probably because I found her and somewhat know her as opposed to the other girl my friend knows. Maybe that's weird? *shrugs | I'm a commuter and haven't invested much time in looking for someone. Where would be some good places to start (meet people, talk)? Coffee shop? Library? |
t3_2g21bh | relationships | Me [22F] with my [23M] SO of 5 years. I just remember me and my [26] M friend hooked up 6 years ago, should I tell my SO? | We were young, and both drunk, at a bad time in our lives. My dad was in jail, I was living at my friends and leaving home soon. My friend had just broken up with a girl he was in love with. It happened. I met my SO about a year later, he is wonderful and everything I've ever wanted. After it happened, my friend and I both agreed that we wanted to be friends and that there wasn't anything behind it. We remained close for awhile but don't really talk anymore, but I would still consider him a close friend. Do I owe it to my SO to tell him that this happened? | Me and my friend hooked up at a fucked up time in our lives, before I met my SO. Does my SO deserve to know. |
t3_1reoki | relationship_advice | Should I [24/m] be worried about my [19/f] friend about this? | (She's 20 in like a week) Ok, so I've recently started seeing this girl who lives in a different city. The reason I didn't say girlfriend in the title because we haven't really "confirmed" anything yet if you know what I mean. But we both like each other and have had sex a bunch of times.
Anyway, I took her to a heavy metal show on Saturday night and while watching the band she went outside for a smoke (I don't smoke) so she went alone. Anyway, after a while passed I wondered where the fuck she went. I went out and found her talking to some random guy alone with whom she had been sitting out there speaking to for a while.
I went up to see what she was doing and she said she was smoking or something. Anyway, I went back in and she did follow me in. I was kinda pissed about it because she just disappeared on me. I think she could tell but we didn't say anything.
Anyway, after the show I was talking to some other friends and the WHOLE time she was talking to this random guy again.
My question is should I be worried about this? I don't want to seem paranoid but I've been fucked over in the past from stuff like this. I'm not worried about THAT guy in particular because she doesn't even live in the same city but should I be worried about this as "things to come?"
The thing that made me mad was that she came to the show with me and ended up talking to this random guy for ages. That's kinda wrong isnt it? I'm really starting to like her but It's not gonna be worth for me If she ends up fucking around when I'm not there.
I was going to talk to her but we ended up having sex and what not so I didn't. But it's still on my mind.
And yeah, I'll admit I'm kinda protective and jealous and I DO NOT like sharing women. The thought of another guy fucking a girl I'm with makes me sick.
So, do you guys think I should talk to her about this still? Possibly break it off before I end up just getting hurt?
[ | ] Girl I have been seeing ended up talking to some random guy for ages at heavy metal show I took her to. Should I be worried? |
t3_1oveif | relationships | Me [30M] was left for my best friend, scared I'll never be able to make friends at my age. | So awhile ago my girlfriend left me for my best friend. I'm past that part. My only fear is now I won't be able to make another close friend. I have few friends as it is, but non of which I feel like I can talk to about anything.
I know you can't force friendships, but I'm not even sure how to meet people. I'm also scared I'm going to have a hard time trusting people. I really don't want to go through that type of breakup again.There isn't much to do in this town, there are a lot of families and people who have settled down. The only sources of entertainment are chain restaurants, movie theater, and bars.
I am ready to be married. I am ready to start a family. I don't really have any way of meeting people or a good friend to talk to about it. If I try to bring up how I feel to my other friends, they just laugh it off, tell me it'll be fine, and then change the subject. Shit, I don't even feel like I'm dealing with this as a 30 year old should. I feel a bit immature. Hell I still hold a job in freaking retail. Just not even sure what to do about any aspect of my life anymore. | GF left me for my best friend; scared I won't find anybody else to share my life with. Loneliness is getting to me. |
t3_2zw7iy | relationships | My (23F) boyfriend (24M) won't stop cuddling me when I'm asleep | Dating for a year. We see each other at weekends only. I am studying and have a job some evenings, and he works only during the week but long hours. Since he has the weekend off I try to do all my studying during the week so we can spend time together. I'm totally exhausted by the weekend and I like to lie in til around 9 or 10 to catch up on sleep. He knows this.
This problem might sound really dumb but it's starting to drive me crazy. He won't stop cuddling me when I'm asleep. E.g. It's 7am on a Saturday morning and I'm enjoying my lie in, when I get woken up by him literally manhandling me to start cuddling and kissing me. I'm like, dude I'm asleep. I have to shove him off me to get some breathing space, but he's all "you're so moody, why don't you want to cuddle". An hour later, same thing happens again. This happens pretty much every weekend. I've spoken to him about it but he just ignores it. If I freak out while he does it, he gets all pissy. If I speak to him seriously about it get goes off in a mood about it. And regardless, he will then do it again the next day or weekend.
Similar to this he also does similar things while I'm awake. He will interrupt me working (studying) to talk about random things and then demand kisses by sticking his head in front of my laptop so I can't see my work. Or when I'm driving.
It's the two things together that annoy me - 1. the constant touching and cuddling, at inappropriate times, 2. the fact I've said I hate it and he ignores me and does it anyway, plus the way he goes off in a mood like a little child having a temper tantrum.
What can I do? I'm getting to the point where I'm going to physically push him away because I don't want to be disturbed when I'm sleeping. I'm exhausted right now. And I don't want to kiss him on demand. | Boyfriend keeps waking me up to cuddle, then getting annoyed that I don't want to be woken up for cuddles. Help! |
t3_53plpl | tifu | TIFU by going on a date with someone who wasn't trying to go on a date with me. | Last Saturday, I went to a birthday brunch with a friend and about 20 people I didn't know. It was buffet style, and like any good, gay brunch, everyone got trashed.
I met some awesome people, including Nick. Nick was incredibly attractive, smart, and funny. We exchanged numbers. I didn't think he was interested in me at all, but new friends are always nice!
The next day, I got a text from Nick asking how the rest of my day was. We chatted for a while. He kept making jokes about the Packers. Which I thought was odd, since I've never set foot in Wisconsin, and am a huge Texas fan, but I figured he was just trying to be funny.
The texts started to get heated. He began to tell me how sexy I was in my outfit at brunch. I was flattered - I had never been called sexy for wearing jeans and a t shirt before!
Eventually, he asked me if I wanted to come over and watch a horror movie - he had remembered that I mentioned how much I liked them.
I agreed, but honestly didn't remember mentioning that I love horror. I figured it just slipped my mind in a drunken mimosa haze.
Nick texts me his address, and I'm pleasantly surprised to see he lives close to me. I walk over, and shoot him a text to let me down into his building. He comes down, and stares at me, seemingly pleasantly suprised.
"Andrew!" he exclaims. "What are you doing here?" I was confused. I made a joke like he ought to know.
He chuckled uncomfortable. "Dan is actually on his way here, have you seen him?"
And then I realize, Nick had met Dan at brunch that day too. Dan was the other good looking, attractive, successful guy there. And Nick had confused our numbers in his phone. He thought he was hitting on Dan the entire time.
Whatever. Made Nick take me to dinner anyways. Mamma's gotta eat somehow. | a hot guy confused my number in his phone with some other hot guy and proceeded to hit on me and I was too much of a dingus to figure it out. |
t3_1mr52s | relationships | I'm a (19F) and my boyfriend is a (19M). Lately all I can think about it having babies and it weirds me out | I've been with my boyfriend for about a 1.5 years, and we're currently in a LDR because we both go to different colleges. I'm a freshman and he's a sophomore. I've been in college about a month, like it, have made friends etc but suddenly I feel like I've caught this weird baby fever? I know I'm too young and need to graduate college and get a job before I start all of that but it's just been so strong lately. I'm always careful when having sex and we always use condoms and stuff, and I would never try to get pregnant on purpose to trap him into the relationship...but I constantly fantasize about getting pregnant and having a baby/babies. I didn't used to, just think it's a bit weird. Has anyone ever had this? | freshman in college with LDR, have been fantasizing about getting pregnant and have a baby and being a mom. not sure why. |
t3_41erxb | relationships | Me [19 M] Girlfriend [18 F] Of Two Month , Some dude is slightly Stalking my Gf At college and work | I know what you're thinking a month isn't a long time but whatever. We started talking Early November and I asked her out on a date and I'm guessing you know the rest.
Not long ago she told me while she was at college some dude was staring at her while she was working in the main area of the college. I didn't really think much of it at the time as she said she ignored him and he left the open area.
Last week she asked me if I knew someone called (Lets just say John Smith) Told her I didn't know the name but she accepted the friend request. She changed her picture and of course John Smith commented with some weak ass compliment. My Girlfriend not being rude replied with a simple thanks. Obviously I'm not gonna control who she can add ect. Facebook is a waste of time anyways tbh.
John Smith then messages her, She ignores it and the more she ignores it the more mad he gets and he eventually calls her a few names and she removes him. End of right? Nope.
Next day she told me he kept being near her, staring at her and giving her funny looks. I work 15 Miles away from her college so obviously not with her during the day or I would of asked the guy to knock it off as it is making her uncomfortable and I don't exactly want to be involved incase I'm just being a tad paranoid about this.
So Today I met her after work (She works weekends in our town center) she Tells me that John smith keeps going in and out her shop, going really close to her in the shop and starring at her from outside the shop. Even her work colleague commented about him.
What should I do? Should I not get involved? I know were early in a relationship but I don't want her feeling uncomfortable and on edge at work and college. | Some Guy added my Gf on Facebook, got ignored and griefed her. He stares at her in college and started going into her shop and standing close to her, enough for her colleagues to mention it and making her uncomfortable. |
t3_3e40xy | relationships | My [19 F] SO [20 M] of 2 years always wants to have sex but I'd rather wait until after marriage. I tell him no but he just keeps asking until I say yes or escape the topic. | Pretty much the title.
I love him and see him pretty much every day. He's a great guy and we always talk about what it will be like when we get married etc. Everything is great except that he has a higher sex drive than me.
I do enjoy sex but I'm not always "in the mood" for it and so generally when he says he wants to have sex I tell him 'I'm not in the mood" or "I don't feel like it". This generally gets followed by "What if I get you in the mood?" or "But I need to gooo".
If we do end up having sex, I'm generally kind of annoyed at myself after because I want to wait or I feel forced into it. I enjoy it, he's gentlemanly about it and I love him but this is a constant thing and he won't take no for an answer. The only time I see some peace is during my period for obvious reasons.
I don't know what to do because I'm getting fed up with not really having a choice about whether or not I want to have sex. | My boyfriend has a higher sex drive than me and is constantly wanting sex without me really having a choice. I love him and he's great, but what should I do about this one little flaw? |
t3_12re9u | relationships | Reddit, I[24] need advice and help on dealing with one-sided feelings for a close friend[24]. | I have strong feeling for one of my closest friends but he doesn't feel the same way. I can either decide to cut him out of my life or act like the feelings don't exist and continue to spend time with him. I spend a lot of time with him one-on-one and we are really close and he knows how I feel about him. He has now met a new girl that he thinks is really special and is going on a date with her soon and we tried to talk about it to see how that would make me feel. Obviously, it sucked but that might be easier than cutting him off, but I am looking for any sort of help or advice. | Should I cut him out of my life or pretend like I don't have any feelings for him and continue our friendship? |
t3_tbqxv | AskReddit | My friend gave her husband permission to hook up with me. What awkward situations have other people put you in? | One night my friend's husband texted me and asked if I was interested in coming out for a drink. He implied that he was with a group of people that included his wife so naturally I thought nothing of it and agreed to tag along. He said he was in the area and offered to pick me up which I just took as a nice gesture. Wrong.
The first red flag was that he showed up at my house by himself and as it turns out, no one else was going to be joining us. He proceeded to awkwardly describe to me how he and his wife are essentially in an open relationship and at that very moment she was off having a tryst with another man.
At this point I have alarm bells going off in my head telling me to abandon ship. However, I'm basically trapped for the evening. While he never actually made a move on me, I still found the whole night incredibly uncomfortable. The weirdest part was having him tell me that his wife had essentially given him the permission to hook-up with me if he wanted to. Either he was lying or he was telling the truth. I don't know which I find more awkward. When he finally took me home I don't think I've ever hopped out of a car faster in my life. | Friend's husband tells me they're in an open relationship and that he has "permission" to hook up with me. |
t3_3auvgb | relationships | My [20F] girlfriend broke up with me [26M] together for 1 year, can't sleep, can't eat, can't focus. | Nobody cheated, nothing huge happened. I think the timing just isn't right. We got into an argument because she said she needed space and I kept trying to talk to her. (She's one of those people that when they say "leave" it means "stay" and she normally gets mad about stupid things but it passes quickly) So I didn't think this would really be the end but she seems to be serious this time.
Now she won't say "I love you" to me, doesn't want me to come home, and won't talk to me about any of these issues. She will talk to me about surface bs but won't go any deeper than that without getting pissed off.
Anyway, the real reason I'm posting is because I can't sleep. I am walking around on the verge of tears with my stomach in knots. It's very difficult to focus at work. I keep thinking about her. We have so many great memories. Everything I do or have reminds me of her or something we did. Does anyone have advice on how I can at least just continue functioning in society and maybe get some sleep? Thanks. | gf broke up with me, I'm still in love with her, can't sleep, eat, or think straight, need help. |
t3_2gvter | relationships | Friend (F/27) is cheating on her husband (M/33) of 2 years with a good friend of mine (M/41) She doesn't know that I know. | My good friend has been cheating on her husband of 3 years with another friend of mine. When I say cheating, I mean it in the concept of going out to dinner, secretly meeting up, texting all the time, they've kissed, ect. In my mind; she's already crossed the line. I did not introduce them, they met thru a community softball group. My friend (M/41) is falling in love with her and its all he can ever talk about. She's stringing him along and is obviously not being honest with her husband. We are going on a girls trip tomorrow and I am hesitating about bringing it up. She doesn't know that I know but has to have some kind of clue! Her husband is a good guy, however after their wedding apparently things started to slide immediately and it doesn't surprise me she has strayed away. He just doesn't seem right for her. I think her and my friend match very well and are extremely compatible but I don't want to be the deciding factor in this. Any thoughts? Should I just straight out tell her that I know what's up, I am not ashamed of her or think she has failed for feeling like this, ect. ? | girlfriend thinks she owes it to her husband to stay, even though they aren't compatible. She's cheating on him with a good friend of mine who is falling for her. Should I tell her that I know? |
t3_i4us3 | AskReddit | A morally dubious question about going back to college. | Hey everybody, throwaway account.
I'll try to keep it short..
I made a mistake. A big mistake. I majored in a field I'm not cut out for. I can't handle the work, the environment, and the lifestyle associated with it (it's finance). I'm extremely depressed and defeated.
I have a chance to go back to school. I know exactly what I want to do (Dietitian) and know it will make me happy.
But, when I left college, I left with a 2.2 GPA.
I've been rejected from every college I've applied to since then, on the basis of my previous GPA being too low.
I understand the usual options: ace prerequisite courses, write an amazing application letter, work in a related field. I understand them all. So far they haven't worked.
**So my question is this:**
Could I lie on my application, saying I never went to college... then retaking all of the undergrad courses and getting a second BA?
,,
The risks are there: Do I get kicked out mid-semester if they find out? Is it a legal issue if I lie on my application?
I realize this is wrong. But I do not want to be the man that stayed in a career he hate for 60 years because he didn't try hard enough to get out.
I've gotten to the point where I am ready to lie. Should I do this? Can I do this? Am I crazy? | I want to apply to college a second time, not mentioning my previous degree, with a GPA so low that it would render me ineligible. |
t3_3oy9io | tifu | TIFU by getting drunk and messaging a former crush from several states away | So basically it goes like this. Made a throwaway since I'm overly paranoid.
I got extremely inebriated and started contacting old flings. Thing is a very important life moment was supposed to happen to me soon and I backed out of it. So there's been copious amounts of drinking to cope with it.
Well I'm seeing this other girl, she's absolutely amazing and everything I want, so I don't have any intention of doing anything wrong to her. Anyway, it's about 3 a.m. and I find this girl I had a crush on. I only talked to her once or twice, and it was one of those things where I wanted to bang once and see what it was like type of thing. Nothing serious.
I wake up and see that I had sent an insane long series of messages talking about how sexy she was and how I wish I had a chance with her and a whole lot of gibberish. Needless to say she blocked me.
Now I'm just worried that she will contact my girlfriend with what I did, but I know that's highly unlikely. I am also terrified she may tell mutual friends that we had about it.
I mean, the last thing I remember, I was just watching Netflix and all that popped up. | I got drunk and made a complete ass out of myself by saying I wanted to bang some girl who barely knew me. |
t3_e7o3e | AskReddit | Hey reddit: Is my girlfriend a thief? | She got a loyalty punch card for free sub sandwiches at Sheetz with the purchase of a sub. A couple of days ago she showed me the card with all 6 holes punched and told me her friend at work has somehow obtained the special puncher, so now we can get free subs any time.
I told her that is stealing and I don't want anything to do with it. She apparently didn't understand why it's stealing, so I proceeded to explain and told her I trust she'll do the right thing.
Yesterday, the subject came up and I found out she went ahead and redeemed her free sub with the fraudulent punch card. She said "You told me you didn't want anything to do with it so I ate it myself and it was good!"
We've been dating for 8 months and until now she has shown good values. I feel like I don't even know her. What should I say or do about this recent turn of events? | My girlfriend redeemed a fraudulent punch card for a free sub at Sheetz, has no remorse, and I don't like how I feel about her actions. |
t3_2uu0mr | relationships | Me 25 y/o M feel the need to break up with my 25 y/o GF. Been dating for 15 months. I want to explore other paths before committing | I know this seems pretty simple and the solution is right in front of me. Just do it. But it's really complicated, except not really. She's so in love with me. These last couple months of the relationship have seemed so stale. I really want to see what else is out there. I want to date other people and see if this is what i really want.
If I do this, she will be so heartbroken. She moved All the way to Utah from a state away just so we could be closer (part of it was also for school. it's like 50/50) We spend every damn day together. I don't want to hurt her but I feel like staying this relationship and not showing much interest is just as bad.
She does the cutest things, but they seem so immature and childish. And it really is starting to bug me. I don't know what to do.
We have spoken of marriage multiple times and she is 100% convinced that we are going to get married. I know I would, but not for like another 2 or 3 years. I want to date other people. I want to see if this is what I really want.
Is this selfish of me? Anything helps, guys.
Please help me Obi-Wan-Kenobi, you're my only hope. | Want to break up with GF of 15 months because I want to date other girls. I don't want to commit to something because I don't know if that's what I truly want. |
t3_1dwnnk | relationships | I [16m] have been seeing someone [16f] for 6 months who has been acting very oddly lately | Little Background
So ive been in relationships with girls before, one of them for 16 months. I've never really bounced back from this and because of it I dont know how to be in a relationship anymore. that girl fucked me up big time, made me lose my friends and then ended it by cheating on me TO MY FACE with my now ex-best friend. i know im young and things are tough when your young, but i couldnt take it then. I also had an abusive and drunk father and everyone in town knew about it so people from my town look very differently at me and fathers wont let their daughters be with me.
now with the girl. i met her when i was with one of my friends and she was great. awesome person great personality but she was from a different town(didnt really matter). i was seeing her reagularly for 4 months and i was feeling great.
Fast Forward 2 months.
shes been acting weird as of late, "going to bed" at 830 every night, going to parties in my town, ignoring me for days at a time. i cant understand why this keeps happening, she keeps doing this stuff. my feelings have increased for her immensely during this time because, for me, i havent had a true friend in a long time and i really connect with her. having someone like this in my life is very important to me. tonight she texted me goodnight, didnt even call me, at 730. on weekends she texts me at 830 saying shes going to sleep and then proceeds to go out with her friends, almost not making an effort. i need help/ advice from you guys. i've read previous threads on here and i know you guys are very supportive to people. id love to her some advice on what to do, it would mean the world to be guys :) | Girl has been constantly ignoring me and its killing me inside because i really want to be with her and my life isnt in the right place right now. |
t3_1t4qbg | relationships | Me [17 M] with my friend [17 F] first date? | I have talked with this girl for a while. I really like her and we have had a class for the semester but did not really talk too much in class, but we started to talk near the end of the semester. She hinted she wanted something that I won and I gave it to her. She then gave me back something in return when we had a secret santa kind of thing in class.
I got her number on the last day of class. We stayed after school and talked for about thirty minutes and got to know each other a little better and she had good vibes.
I texted her that I wanted to take her out friday night after finals (we would never see each other again so I had to ask over text(I couldn't call either because she uses an ipod to text)). She accepted and seemed to be excited. I am taking her to a light event show this friday night, and it will be cold outside, but fun none of the less because we both haven't been to it before.
How do I elevate the moment to hold her hand etc.? | Have talked to her for a bit, good vibes, got her number, asked her out. How do I escalate? |
t3_tfq8k | AskReddit | Reddit, girl problems. There's a girl I've known for a long time that I've developed feelings for, but she doesn't feel the same way. What do I do? I'd like to hear from both the guys' and girls' perspectives. | I've known this girl for about 7 years now. We've been talking and hanging out a lot lately, and I've finally got feelings for her. She doesn't know this, as she just got out of a relationship and already seems to be into another guy.
During a conversation, the topic of dating came up the other day where I asked her a "hypothetical" question as to whether she'd go out with me if I asked. She thought for a few seconds and said, "No, because I've known you for so long." or something to that effect. During the same conversation, she ends up saying that I'm a great guy.
The weird part is she ends up getting into guys who aren't exactly reputable. She realizes this is something she says she wants to change and stay away from, but she doesn't really seem to try. | A girl I like is into questionable guys. I've known her for a long time and that's her main reason for not being willing to go out with me. |
t3_50f9gd | relationships | Me [22F] broke up with boyfriend (25M) and now reconsidering 'cause love is hard | Sorry, I'm new to Reddit so please bear with me:
I (22F) just broke up with my boyfriend (25M) after a year and a half relationship. Had its ups and downs like all relationships but mostly good. He taught me I could be loved and really did shower me with a lot of affection. (Had traumatic past; very guarded person so being in a committed rship this long was a big deal) Cause of break up: He had no idea what his future entailed. Told me he would not be financially stable, let alone secure in the next 5 years, had no idea where he would be.
Sure, you can say "appreciate the honesty" but this came up in a Big Fight (you know the kind) and after a year and half of him saying things like, "you're the first woman I ever loved", "I may not know much about my future but I'm sure about you" and talks of starting a family, this was startling. I'm a plans-sort of person, and have been taking steps to make room for him in my future so naturally this threw me off guard and eventually led to the end of the relationship because I couldn't reconcile it with the things I want: marriage and hopefully a child around 30.
He's now on a year long trip in Asia teaching (something he's always wanted to do) and I'm in my final year of university in North America. And he's mentioned that after the year, with him ending his teaching stint and me graduating, maybe we can try again and I have been back and forth about it. Love is hard enough as it is, and I understand it isn't about the Right Person it's about making it work with someone. He's been good to me and good for me, perhaps I should just settle with his smaller (or lack thereof) ambition and try to make it work again?
So while I have been the one to break it off, did I make the right decision? | Broke up with exboyfriend. Now questioning if I should retract since love is hard and it's hard to make it work with someone so you might as work with what you got |
t3_2nogwf | relationships | My girlfriend [31 F] and I [33 M] are concerned that her ex-husband [35 M] may be stalking her and our two sons [11 M, 9 M]. | We have been together since the end of July of 2012. The two sons are from her previous marriage with him.
Recently, we received two articles of advertising mail with the name of her ex-husband on them, but to our address. One of them was for Pyramyd Air Rifles, which especially startled her because in addition to the ex-husband being violently abusive physically, mentally, verbally and financially, he was also a firearms enthusiast. I contacted Pyramyd to see if I could glean any further information, and it turns out that he would have had to already known the address in order for the article of mail to be sent there. I tried to inquire more closely, but the person on the phone did not have the authority to disclose any contact information for the ex-husband, so I could not determine whether or not he's still institutionalized for his crimes. I have yet to speak to a supervisor there regarding this matter, but I will update as necessary.
The other piece of mail did not seem so ominous in that it was for an otherwise benign company whose name I can't recall at the moment, but it still had his name on it, which raises a lot of flags. Her accounts of the abuse she and her children endured as well as the psychological documentation she's shared with me about him indicate that he's a petty, sadistic and narcissistic sociopath, and I need to know what I can do to stop him in his tracks without necessarily blurring the lines of legality. We still have both pieces of mail, but we have not yet contacted the Post Office on this matter. | Girlfriend's ex-husband may be out of incarceration and stalking her and our sons. Please advise as to a permanent solution. |
t3_1kx1ql | relationships | My [20/F] boyfriend[21/M] has become increasingly distant to the point of ignoring me | My boyfriend and I were very close friends for years before he started pursuing me as more than a friend awhile back. He asked me to be his girlfriend in May, and we've been pretty happy and loving without any major problems so far. Among our friends he's always been regarded as a really good guy.
However, the last couple of weeks he has been acting increasingly distant to me, being less affectionate, going longer periods of time without trying to hang out, and generally talking to me less. In turn, I didn't text him first as often in case he wanted space. He completely stopped texting our other close friend [21/F] shortly before he started acting like this to me, which was also out of character.
Finally, after he'd gone about 4 days with no attempt to contact me, I asked him what was going on and he tried to defend himself saying he knew he seemed distant but he was busy with friends as a few of our friends are going back to college for the summer. Understandable, but when I explained to him he could have easily let me know what was going on, he agreed and then ignored me after that. This was a couple of days ago and I haven't heard from him since. My friends and I know that he's been spending a lot of time with his good guy friends, so it's not like he's holed up at his house.
I'm tempted to pretty much accept that this relationship is over, but my other friend and I are really at a loss for what's going on. It feels shitty not knowing why he's doing this and that he doesn't even care enough to let me know if he wanted to end things. I love him, but not sure I'm in love with him anymore. How am I supposed to take how he's acting? | Boyfriend is no longer contacting me without explanation. We were close before we dated, so this is uncharacteristic. Unsure what to do next. |
t3_106dk0 | running | Very new to running. Knee injury. Advice? | So I started running at the end of August. The first time I went about 1.5 miles, then I went about 4 times after that, 2.8 miles each time. On September 6th I went and my knee was really bothering me, but it was a rainy day and my knees always bother me when it rains. So I just ran through it. The next day I could barely walk. My knee felt like when you're in the car for a long time and just want to stretch. 24/7. But more painful. And stretching hurt. Also when any weight was put on that leg I had sharp pains in my kneecap and behind my knee. Sometimes they shot down to my big toe. And there were a few spots on my knee that hurt to the touch (felt bruised). There was no swelling however. I used ice & heating pad interchangeably as advised by google. I'd say today has been the first day I've felt no pain in my knee at all.
So my question is.. Where did I go wrong? Obviously if I ever feel pain again I will stop, I've learned my lesson. But did I start too much too soon? Almost 3 mile runs after basically never running in my life?
I'm 23 year old female, 5'5" and 130 lbs so it's not that I'm overweight, but I am out of shape. I plan to give myself the rest of the week and try again on Monday. Any advice? I usually stretch after the run, not before, but I warmup by walking for about 1/2 a mile. I'm not sure if that's correct? Should I run with a knee brace ?
Basically I'm a complete running noob but I very much enjoyed it and I want to make sure this time around I'm doing everything properly so I don't injure myself again and give up. I've researched but just get lots of different advice from different blogs/articles and wanted to talk to actual runners. | I'm a running noob, went from never running to 3 mile long runs, injured my knee. Would like advice to prevent it, as well as general advice for beginners. |
t3_3wjy84 | relationships | I [25F] Do All the Cleaning and My Brother [23M] Won't Even Buy Toilet Paper | My brother and I live together and for the most part we get along well. In the past I have tried to get him to help me with the chores and cleaning the house. He always says he will help out but it never lasts.
I've come to the realization that I'm going to be the only one who cleans. I've accepted that now. Instead, I asked him to contribute to keeping the house clean by buying the cleaning supplies. Does this sound fair? We both work, by the way. The bills are split in half and we both buy our own groceries. I don't want him to feel like I'm taking advantage of him by asking him to buy all the cleaning supplies but at the same time I feel like it is unfair to expect me to pay for the cleaning supplies and do all of the cleaning. I don't obsessively clean so it is not like I go through bottles of 409 a week. I'm trying to divide the cleaning evenly between us in some way.
Even though I've asked him to buy the cleaning supplies and toilet paper, he doesn't always do it. The last couple of times I ended up buying paper towels, toilet paper and dish soap.
He goes grocery shopping regularly so I don't understand why he can't pick up some tp and paper towels when we need them. I mean, I assume he shits in the toilet too so shouldn't he also contribute to the tp pile? Should I just give up and buy all the cleaning supplies and shared toiletries? Should I buy half and ask him to buy the other half? Should I hoard the tp in my room and not let him use mine? | Brother won't help with the cleaning/chores so I asked him to contribute by buying cleaning supplies instead. He doesn't buy cleaning supplies. |
t3_zdn5o | relationships | Does 'we should take a break for a while' ever end up in a positive place? [F/22, M/24] | It's a long story, so I'll do my best to condense it. I fell in love with my significant other in college, and after graduation he moved home to NY. At the end of the summer, I moved to be with him. After a week of being there, he told me he wasn't sure he was feeling anything for me anymore. He said when he and my father picked me up in MN, he felt in love with me still, but as soon as we arrived in NY, the feelings vanished. And this man was *in* ***love*** with me. So in love. I'm shocked, hurt, confused, and I don't know what to do. We have been together for half a year.
He says that he doesn't know where this lack of feeling is coming from. He's a blunt person and he would tell me if it was something I was doing. He says it could be the new medication he just switched to, but he doesn't know.
We lived together for about a month before he moved to NY, and it was nothing like it is now. It was like.. Out of nowhere he went from, "If you took every girl I ever dated and wrapped them up into one person using all of their best qualities, they would not be half of you. You are infinite in my eyes, which is why I need a lifetime to explore," to being silent, not cracking jokes with me anymore, not even wanting to hold my hand...and he says he doesn't understand why - to the point of tears. He was crying because he didn't want to hurt me and because he doesn't know why it's happening.
It was breaking my heart to live in a home where I felt unwelcome, unwanted, and out of place. I tried to give it as much time as I could, but as time went on, I couldn't hide my pain. He said that perhaps we should take a break for a while. I don't know what to think. | Could his new depression/anxiety medication make him feel nothing for me out of nowhere? Does 'taking a break' in a relationship every end up with the two people back together? What is going on here?! |
t3_2yoou3 | personalfinance | Is switching from a credit union to a commercial bank an awful idea? | Hello. I am a college graduate with no student loans and I wanted to start building credit. I spoke with a banker at my credit union about applying for a credit card but ran into a problem since I did not have any income. I also went to a Chase bank to talk about a credit card and the banker there explained the options as well as the different factors that go into approval for a credit card. I applied there on the spot and got rejected for having no prior credit history.
One factor he mentioned was having an established account at Chase. I believe a Chase credit card will have better perks than one from my credit union so I would prefer one from them. Now that I have an income I think I would be able to pursue a credit card and thought switching bank accounts from my credit union to Chase would be beneficial. | Want to start an account at Chase to get a credit card. Is closing a credit union savings account and opening a Chase account a bad idea? Thank you very much! |
t3_2cesus | relationships | My [30 F] boyfriend [34 M] is sometimes a major jerk. | I love my boyfriend alot but his behavior often gets very jerk like. He is a successful businessman and his behavior can swing. For example on the phone earlier with a client: "Are you fucking retarded? No you're too dumb to handle this, I'm taking away the whole deal." Comments about other women (not when I'm around): She's fat, dumb, what the fuck is she even good at? Why does she post pictures on FB... nobody wants to see that shit.
The thing is he never really says these type of thing when he knows I'm listening to him. What make it weirder is that 90% of the time he is the most charming and romantic guy ever. He's funny, loves cuddling with my cat, surprises me with flowers on random days, spontaneously leaves me hand written notes that I wake up to that are genuinely written saying what he loves about me, compliments me, makes me feel beautiful, etc. My parents love him, I really do think he has a kind heart. He is also great with my youngest son from a previous relationship, taking him to baseball games, the zoo, helping him with homework, my son really calls him dad.
I don't think he is really an asshole, the bigger problem is that he can't control his emotions. When one little thing makes him angry he will just snap. I think it's encouraging that he doesnt do it around me. He is a great amazing guy with just one problem... I am wondering what do you guys think about this behavior, just want your input. thanks! | My LTR boyfriend is the sweetest and nicest guy most of the time, but can randomly be a huge jerk. |
t3_3posdk | tifu | TIFU by making a mistake involving glue. | I work in a glue factory. I am a filler, meaning I take glue from big ass barrels and put it in smaller containers to sell to customers. So today I was working on an order. I had nine 17KG pails (5 gallon buckets) to fill, plus a small Quality control container to fill that this company gets as well. This product also gets filtered, so the glue comes out the spout of the barrel, goes through a small filter that sits on top the bucket, and then down into the bucket. So I gently cracked the valve to get a small flow, filled my retain, then opened the valve up to let the glue flow. I turned around for literally 2 seconds to slap a label on the retain (Labels are important. EVERYTHING GETS LABELLED!) Turned back around...fucking...glue...everywhere. Filter filled too fast, thick products take a while to make it through the filter, up over the bucket like a volcano of fuckery...all down the bucket and all over the scale. In all reality it wasn't a ton of glue...but it was glue and it's a bitch to clean up certain products.
To add injury to insult... I quickly started cleaning it up with paper towels. Well, whatever is in this particular glue...BURNS LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER. My hands were on fire for probably 4-5 hours today. It came and went, but when it came...boy did it burn!
To add further insult to insult...the guys (3 other coworkers) had a bet about how long it would take for this to happen. Apparently a common thing...but still, didn't instill confidence in me...considering one of said guys is my best friend of 20 years.
Mess cleaned up...lessons learned (including gloves. Gloves are my friend.)
But yeah, I fucked up. | I work in a glue factory, got glue everywhere, glue burns hands like a mother fucker, coworkers had a bet going to see how long it took me to fuck up. |
t3_z7j3v | relationships | My friends with benefits said he wasn't worried about me falling for him. What did he mean? [20F, 28M] | I work as a receptionist at a gym, and most of the younger male members are very friendly with me. One guy [28M] who would always stop at my desk and chat recently broke up with his girlfriend about three weeks ago. She also attends the same gym. I just split with my boyfriend as well. As soon as this guy finds out I'm single, he asks to hang out.
We end up hitting it off and decide to have some sort of friends-with-benefits situation because we both had just stopped seeing people, his ex still likes him and we're both in contact with her, etc. We started "seeing" each other last week. Today, out of the blue he texts and asks "What if you fall in like with me?" and I replied "Why, are you worried about that?", and he replied "I'm not worried."
We call each other "floosies" as a nickname because of our casual fooling around, so I texted back "What, you think floosies can't have feelings?" and he said "They might :P"
I don't know what he meant by this. On one hand, I am weary of having another relationship right now, but on the other, we get along great, I like him and I don't want to rule it out in case I do fall for him. What does he mean? | My friend-with-benefits said he wasn't worried about me falling for him and I don't know if he meant that he already has feelings for me, or if he thinks I just won't develop feelings for him. |
t3_2mf6zk | relationships | [25/F] Explaining that I've never been in a relationship and am not having sex until marriage. | I'm a 25/F who has been focused on school and work her whole life. I've built up a small professional network and am about to finish grad school and move where my job is taking me. I'm ready to start making personal connections in my new homeown but I've never been in a relationship. I have gone on dates, but I've moved around quite a bit and have never taken the time to actually invest in a relationship-this has been a personal choice. Now, however, I'm ready to start actually looking, and I don't really know the etiquette of explaining that a) I've never been in a relationship and b) I'm not having sex until I'm married for personal and religious reasons.
As far as the relationship aspect, I honestly think that I could fake it, but I have heard people say things such as "If you haven't been in a relationship by the time you're this age, it makes me think you have bodies under your floorboards or something seriously wrong with you." The sex aspect will be more difficult. I have had quite catty reactions from other girls, ranging from laughter to "Well, I would just give up then, no man is going to want you that way."
Given the range of responses I've seen, I thought I should post here. So what should I do? Would a man feel slighted or strange about going out with someone who had never been in a relationship? What about the sexual aspect? When is the right time (if any) to bring up either or both of these points? I just don't want to lead anyone on. | 25/F never been in a relationship and am not having sex until marriage. How and when do I explain this to potential partners to avoid leading them on and keeping them from expecting me to be good at relationships or sex? |
t3_3m10rb | relationships | M7 [26F] my best friend [26F] is cheating on her boyfriend of 5 years. She thinks I will support her because I've cheated in the past | Angie and I have been best friends since we were 10. I love the woman to death. A few years ago I got caught up in a stupid, ill-advised, regrettable affair with a man while I was engaged to someone else. Spare me the lectures, I learned my lesson and I would never, ever put someone through that again. Angie was one of the few people who didn't abandon me or condemn me. I'll never forget her compassion when it was needed most.
Suddenly tonight she confessed that she has been sleeping with someone. Unbeknownst to her 5-year-long exclusive boyfriend, John, whom she lives with. John is a sweetheart, but non-committal. Angie has been a romantic since elementary school and plans weddings for a living now. I think John is wonderful, but ultimately will never give her the sweeping, romantic proposal and marriage that she wants. However, he doesn't abuse her, doesn't begrudge the 50+ pounds she's gained since they met, doesn't control her life, and is totally unoffensive to me, her protective best friend. But she's not excited to be with him, that's been clear for years. She's become asocial in the past few years and has withdrawn completely into her work and boring home life with John.
Part of me wants to tell her that she's crazy. Don't give up on a perfectly nice man just because she's bored. Part of me wants to encourage her to leave John and be happy. But ultimately I 100% understand why she's cheating and I refuse to not be there for her. We're having dinner on Thursday night to discuss her plan. What do I tell her? | My best friend is looking for support in cheating on her boyfriend because she supported me years ago when I was in the same situation. |
t3_131rko | relationship_advice | Female[20] contemplating break-up with Bf [21] of 5 years for a while now, any help? | So for the last year now I've been feeling like we are more friends than a couple and have been thinking about breaking up. I no he really doesn't want to and I don't want to hurt him cause he's a lovely guy and hasn't done anything wrong. I just don't feel that attraction any more, for a good while and no matter how hard I try we're in a big rut. He's the only guy I've been with and I can't see myself with him forever but I'm afraid I'm making a mistake and I'll regret it.
Anyone go through anything simular or have any advice? thank you all for your help it's much appreciated, I'm really lost. | relationship of 5 years is stale with little sexual chemistry( for about 1-2 years, guy is great overall, is breaking up the wrong decision. |
t3_16qt9f | relationships | I (19F) am beginning to get a little wary of my SO's (21M) bisexuality. | So I'm in a little sticky situation. I'm usually a fairly insecure girl, although my current SO of six months has done a wonderful job of making me feel the best I possibly can. I love him with my whole heart and he knows that. And while I get a little antsy about his past (he's had a lot of sexual experience with girls and guys), we make it a joke that I'm overprotective. When he goes out, I'll jokingly tell him that he can't talk to girls OR guys (so obviously a joke, because then he can't talk to anyone at all.. har dee har har..)
We exchanged sexy pictures when he was out of town and he jokingly sent it to one of his male friends today. But since he's bisexual, should I view it as if he sent it to one of his female friends? Does anyone else have a bisexual SO? How do you deal with this? Is it fair of me to be protective of him with boys as if they were girls? | Bisexual SO jokingly sends nude to male friend. Starting to view it as if he sent it to a female friend. What to do? |
t3_g3882 | relationships | Should I back away or just end it? | Throwaway I (f 20) have been in a relationship with him (23) for about 5 months now, been friends before that.
His ex went through a rough breakup and they stopped talking to each other completely around December. His ex hates me probably due to the fact she isn't over him yet. A few weeks ago they started talking and were planning to meet up over email (she wanted to visit him while he had his wisdom teeth out and see his family) That day she attacked me over his computer and when I called him to figure out what was going on, she was yelling at me in the background telling me to go to hell and whatnot. My boyfriend, being dazed on painkillers I guess wasn't thinking about it but he kicked her out when I told him to. I've told him countless times shes a negative person who is fucking with his past emotions to try and get him back and various others have talked to him about it as well. I find out she is now on his steam too and it makes me sick to my stomach even thinking about all of this. I have been having anxiety attacks over it.
Basically: I love the kid. He's going through some rough times with his depression right now (he's on his medication, he just finds this time of year to be troubling for him) But I just can't handle the fact he's talking to her again and I'm getting these anxiety attacks over it. When I talk to him, he says they are just friends and I need to calm down. Normally I'd be fine with being friends with exs but she is just completely crazy and is clearly not over him yet. I can't handle not being in control over this situation.
What I am thinking of doing right now is backing off a bit because I basically live at his house. I really don't want to have to make him chose but I think I'm going to have to.
I could really use some help with this. | Boyfriend has started talking to his ex again who is manipulative and hates me, making me have anxiety attacks. Any help? |
t3_1mwa74 | relationship_advice | Is his (32/m) hesistation worrying or nothing? (25/f) | So I've been dating my boyfriend now for about 3.5 years. The relationship is really good. We get on really well, share a lot of interests and make each other laugh. We argue maybe once a year and bicker monthly or so. But we never shout or insult each other and theres always a lot of respect and trust in each other. I told him I loved him about 1 year into the relationship and he said he wasn't ready to say it back. Thats fine, would never want to rush him into saying something he didn't mean and I appreciate his honesty. I tell him I love him roughly once every 6 months. Not enough for him to feel I'm pestering him with it but just to make sure he still knows. We both tell each other we like each other a lot and have had a number of serious and casual talks about our future, moving in together and him making career decisions based to some degree on our relationship. So it sounds all good and maybe its silly for me to even be bothered about it, considering I do feel loved and like he appreciates me. However I read someone else's post on here which was roughly about worrying that they could get on forever but that what if he never really fell in love with her.
Bit of background: his relationship with his parents is fine but distant which makes me think maybe he's scared of being vulnerable. He's also been in two other long term (>4 years) relationships. He's told me that the next woman he says he loves, he wants it to be forever with. And I'm about to finish my masters and start work which he worries will change me and our relationship and then maybe l'll not want to date him anymore. So I know that to some extent hes insecure about that. | is boyfriend of 3 years not saying he loves me worrying? Is he a serial monogamist?! Or is it just vulnerability? |
t3_179829 | relationships | 23F dating 24M for 4+ years and feeling concerned, advice? | A little background:
I've been dating this great guy for over 4 years now. He graduated a couple years ago as an engineer and I graduated with massage therapy but I'm currently working towards becoming an RN.
At the beginning of our relationship, as most relationships are at that stage, was rainbows and butterflies. We were excited and talked about our future together. He would tell me that I was the love of his life and he wanted to marry me etc. With saying that, I understand that its been FOUR years and that the honeymoon stage is over. However, its beginning to feel like there is no set plan for us anymore. I feel like I get vague, unpromising answers from him when I try to touch base with him on our future unless I practically squeeze it out of him that he still wants to be with me in the future.
In that same breath, he is a great, great guy. He has done a lot for me and I totally trust him. We connect like no one else I know and we just get each other and love the same things but I feel like I've been really naggy lately with the whole move in together / marriage deal that I may have made matters worse. I just feel like there needs to be some type of development by now, another step, growth, anything really!
Another worry is that he won't take further steps until I have a solid RN degree to bring to the table and that makes me feel unworthy. I will undoubtedly earn that degree however I don't feel that should really matter in the long run. What happened to love conquers all and money won't buy happiness?
I basically want to know how I can resolve things? I felt that I pushed him away with the nag that I've started and have currently refrained from further problematic nagging. Is there anything I can do to reassure him or help our current situation? | Long term relationship in need of advice. How to solve the damage from nagging and does the degree requirement make this relationship love-less? |
t3_21sk2c | relationship_advice | How do I [25/f] get over my first love [25/m] | We met when we were 12 and next door neighbours. Were inseparable until I moved towns when we were 14. Always kept in touch and got back together when we were 18 and finished high school. Lived together for 4 years. Things got stressful, we broke up when we were 22, and I moved away. I found out after we had broken up that he had a fling with someone he met in Mexico when we were 20. I was completely devastated when I found out, which was when i cut off all communication and moved. We have been broken up for 3 years. I have moved cities, refused to speak with him, deleted him from all social media, travelled as much as I can, casually dated other guys. At one point for about a year I was so far in denial of my feelings that I truly thought I was over it, but last week I had a super vivid dream about him and I have reverted back to feeling like we just broke up. Oddly enough he texted me a couple of days after this dream to see how I was doing and we've been talking, which obviously isn't helping. WTF do I do? This is so frustrating! I just want to forget about this guy and move on with my life. I feel like I have tried everything and nothing is working. | How does one get over their first real love? I feel like I will never find someone that I could love the same way I love him and it terrifies me. |
t3_1wq07s | relationships | Me [23F] with my friend_ [20F] who lets guys treat her like shit | She lives in my town, but goes to college in another state. She has self-esteem so low, scientists should study it. I tried to show her she was worth more than she realized, but she shut down my efforts, declaring me "too nice" to deserve being around her.
And now she's been texting me about her fuck buddy who treats her like shit. She knows it's a problem, but thinks it's all she deserves. All but one of her boyfriends was the same way, and she literally broke up with that one because she feared he would see he deserved better.
I know I can't "fix" her, but I want to do what I can to set her on the right path. Any help here would be hot. | female friend thinks lowly of herself, seeks out guys who do their fair share of reinforcing that, and I want to help her. |
t3_30ruq8 | relationships | Me [21 M] with a [22F] Chinese girl who says I'm moving too fast. | I'm a white American and have been going out with a Chinese girl from my college class for a little while. After the third date, we went back to her place and watched a movie on her bed. We talked about us moving forward and decided to be exclusive. When we were laying down on her bed for the movie, she was holding me and rubbing my chest so I leaned in for the first kiss and we kissed. I kissed her goodnight that night too, no signs of any problems.
One week later, we're hanging out again and I kissed her maybe 4 more times on her bed. No tongue, no "touching", just kisses. She then told me she just broke up with her bf of 5 years in January and wanted to take it slow. I told her no problem, I understood and would try to go slow.
Since then, I haven't kissed her or even tried to, and have made a great effort to go slow with her. She says she feels like she needs space and started to get more distant, wanting to hang out less. She says if I can't understand her situation we can just be friends. I texted her apologizing for moving too fast and telling her I wasn't trying to use her, but still no response.
Its been 3 days. I still have class with her and I still really like her but I don't know what to do now. She's my kind of girl and I don't want to lose her so I really would appreciate any advice. What should I do from here to get her to give me another shot? | Girl says I moved too fast by kissing. I tried to slow down but she seems done and now won't respond. |
t3_4obxph | relationships | My (23m) girlfriend (22f) is very upset about my past sexual history, please help. | As the title says, I've been dating my girlfriend for 1year now, knowing each other for 8 years. She's everything I need in a woman and I am extremely happy. Now one of the issues I face sometimes is that she gets upset about my sexual history.
We've both had a few partners before we got together and that's fine the issue is that she had never performed oral sex on anyone (confirmed with old texts and her reasoning was sound when she explained it to me). Now she does perform it on me and seems to get off from it a lot but it doesn't happen too often.
I on the other hand have performed oral sex on a bunch of my partners and my girlfriend is disgusted by it saying that I'm disgusting for doing it. I've tried explaining it to her that it was in the past and that whatever we both did with our past partners shouldn't affect how we see each other now. She does enjoy a lot when I do it to her too.
I need some help on what to say to her so she's not disgusted with me because of what I did in the past. This is a huge deal for her and actually is the only cause of fights that we have, I do not mind working through this issue with her and need some advice, please help | girlfriend hates that I've gone down on girls before and is disgusted by me sometimes. What can I do or say to get her to see it as something in the past that shouldn't affect her perception of me now? |
t3_3vg201 | relationships | Me [27 M] with my Ex [26 F] of two months, met up and she kissed me while drunk. | Hi All,
This is literally my first time ever posting to Reddit, so thanks for your patience.
To start, I dated my Ex for about eight months and we mutually ended the romance in mid-October. That being said, we had decided to try to remain friends and periodically hang out and text (after an initial week of no contact). Yes, I am aware that no contact is usually a good choice, but we felt that we are adults and since we ended things well(we never fought or argued while dating, or afterwards), we could handle it.
And handle it we did, until our mutual group of friends went out last weekend for drinks. At the end of the night, most everyone had gone home and she, myself, and a couple other friends carpooled back to her place to sober up or crash. While everyone passed out, she and I spoke for a bit, and she kept getting closer to me until she began kissing me. She wanted more, and said something things while drunk along the lines of wanting me, getting back together, not deserving someone as nice as me; it was overwhelming. Of course I still have feelings for her, but I did not return the affection, as I don't think it was a proper course of action, especially while she was drunk and I was not. I made sure she got into bed and took off.
It turned out that she blacked out and didn't remember anything of it, except for being overly affectionate. I don't know what to tell her; that she kissed me, or that she expressed feelings for me, or that I should express feelings for her. I care deeply about her, and would be willing to make it work again, but I don't know if she only felt that way on Friday because she was drunk, or if she actually still wants to try again. | Ex-girlfriend kissed me while she was drunk, claimed to have feelings, and doesn't remember in morning. I still have feelings, and I don't know how bring up the night or that I still care for her. |
t3_3pl1pz | relationships | My [32M] wife [29F] of 4 years is terrified of child birth. She's dreading delivery, and it's making her miserable. I've tried everything I can think of to help her, but none of it has worked. | She is currently 6 months pregnant with our first, and it seems like with each passing day her fear of child birth only gets worse. There are literally days where she can't eat and sleep because of how upset she gets when she thinks about it; she's even started having nightmares, too. She really has become a nervous wreck over this, and it's very upsetting for me to watch--not to mention its affecting her ability to function.
A big part of her fear, I think, comes from the fact that her mother died in child birth. However, before she got pregnant, her fear was not this advanced (at least to my knowledge). I think that what has happened is the reality has sunk in, if that makes sense, which is why her fear of child birth has become so intense.
Anyway, I've tried to reassure her the best that I could. We read up on the statistics together, but that didn't make things any better. I also convinced her to talk to her doctor, but that only helped for a while. I asked her friend to talk to her and even my mother and sister. Same. At this point, I don't know if there's anything else I can do. I hate to watch her suffer, but I feel like we've exhausted all options at this point. Is there anything I could try that I haven't currently? I know that this isn't exactly an uncommon fear, but it does seem to be unusually bad based on what I have read. I guess I just wonder if I have to accept that there's nothing else I can do.
Also, just in case someone is wondering, she very much wanted to have this baby. I might not have agreed to it if I knew it would cause her this much grief. | My wife's fear of giving birth is making her miserable. I've tried everything I could think of to help her. None of it has worked. I don't know if there's anything else I can do. |
t3_32vm63 | relationships | Should I [19 F] talk to him [24 M] via Twitter's Private Messaging? | a little background info: I'm an artist and I drew a portrait of this guy (an actor). I met him around two weeks ago to give him the drawing and he asked to stay in touch online (Instagram and Twitter) so we became friends through those social networks. He's pretty cute but has like millions of fans. Not like I have a shot at having some luck with him but hey he kinda flirted!! In person he told me my hair smells nice and that I have a beautiful smile. Once, on twitter's PM where I asked him for his IG since i forgot to ask for his in person, he called me babe. all of that's probably just attraction talk and something actors would say to attract fans :( (sucks for getting my hopes high)
We are friends on my art accounts so there's not much anything personal and I'd like for us to become... friends? On a personal basis, not just because I drew him.. If that's possible haha.
So back to the point- Should I say "hi, what's up?" via twitter's PM or Instagram? I don't want to seem too impersonal without trying at least to talk to him or just leave it like that? Soooo let me know what you guys think! :) | Met a nice guy who is an actor. He kind of flirted and said to stay in contact but we don't talk that much. Should I try to start a conversation without seeming too impersonal? |
t3_232lky | relationships | Ex-gf [21F] and I [20M] are in a complicated, emotionally committed, sexually active, but not relationship-committed relationship. | So, a while back, my girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me. Her reasons were that she was going through depression, expected more life stuff to pile on, and needed to work on herself and be okay with herself. Not a totally selfish reason like some other break ups.
We had fights in our relationship, and have almost broken up, but overall it was a good relationship. We've been broken up for a couple of months, and at first it was really hard, and I'd try to do NC but we'd talk occasionally, and then now we are FWB and make plans with each other and see each other now like once a week and talk daily via atleast one form of social media.
Thing is, I'm seeing a new girl kind of, who I'm sexually attracted to and vice versa, but I see no relationship potential, and I still want my ex back. Right now, my ex doesn't want to move on from me, nor lose my friendship, nor see anyone else. She doesn't want to hold me back from dating or moving on if that is what I end up wanting. Right now, we have sex, see each other, and tell each other how much we love each other, but we aren't labelled, and we can't talk about the extent of our current relationship to our friends.
I'm fine with this situation at the moment, because she says she's still committed to me just not in a relationship with me, it removes the tension of being in a relationship, and I can potentially see other people (so hypocritical). Problem will be if either she dates/hooks up with/makes out with/becomes interested in another man or woman. At that point I would be too jealous, and don't know if I could stay friends/intimate with her. I don't know how I feel about seeing other people right now either. My end goal is her, even if I don't plan on getting married to her. What do you say? Move on now, wait to see if we get into a relationship, date casually but intend to get back with her unless those dates prove more fruitful? | Long-term relationship break up over something fairly mutual; still in love, still having sex, still exclusive albeit not in a labelled relationship. Should I move on? Wait to see what happens? Date while I'm still pursuing her? |
t3_1nwcgg | relationships | Me[23 M] and my [21 F] girlfriend of 6 years parted ways yesterday, i am at a total loss. | Yesterday my girlfriend informed me that she no longer had feelings for me. That she didnt want to be with me, and hadn't wanted to for a long time.
it happend over text, she refused to speak to me directly, or to see me in peson. She seems to be completely okay with it, not shaken or even affected in the slightest way.
I am destroying myself, struggling angainst the spiteful parts of myself. the impulse to hope immesuarble suffering on her her is almost unbearable, in the way you want to retaliate when someone strikes you in the face, I want her to suffer. I want her to cry and cry and never stop, I want all the weight of those six years to be on her shoulders, I want all of the venom she irreparably put into my soul to be a shadow on her every thought, and I want all the time i spent doing nothing for myself, for focus on our relationship, to follow her around and keep her from sleep.
At the same time, all of my adult life i have spent caring for this person, and only that. Loving her, trying to keep us in the same place, not going to school so i could work and provide. It's all i've ever done, how can i purge this hatred and malicious intent from my body?
what am i supposed to do? | i HATE her for what she is doing/has done. I love her and want her to be happy. how can i move on without having in person, verbal closure? |
t3_27alda | relationships | Me [23 M] 4 Months after 5 year relationship | So my title is pretty much self explanatory. 4 Months ago I got out of a 5 year relationships, I understand why and feel like I've moved on. I graduated college, lost 30 pounds, and have a full time career. While I feel great and happy that I can impact people around me I feel this emptiness. Last night I had a dream about her. The thing is we had broken up because our romance died off. There are times where I do want her back, but then a better mind prevails and I know I've done better without her. She's still a great friend but this dream just bugs me. These past couple of months I've been feeling the need for someone to share this with, someone to hold, kiss, but I don't. This dream just drove it over the edge. I had a dream of me kissing my EX passionately. I just don't know what to do, many of my friends haven't been in my situation so I'm asking you guys what I should do... what is this feeling I am feeling or what you went through. It helps a lot to hear other people's stories and helps to understand what to do. Thanks. | 4 Months after a 5 year relationship and feeling a bit lonely, in need of someone and not sure what to do exactly. |
t3_3ufgl5 | relationships | I [F20] have a bf [M24] but recently got in touch with ex [M | Hey, I'm back again with more relationship problems, as usual! So let's get to the story.
This past summer I was seeing a guy, let's call him John. John and I were together for only a few months before conflict arose. It was a really messed up situation and if you'd like more details I'd explain later but it's not really important. Long story short, we stopped speaking immediately after.
Come a month or so later, I start seeing another guy who we'll call Al. Al and I have been together for 3 months and we're really happy. He makes me laugh so much and it doesn't hurt that the sex is wonderful. But he doesn't really have his life together. He's working two part time jobs, doesn't make much money, and has no real motivation to do something he loves.
Now John recently messaged me saying he was sorry for what happened and that it was in no way my fault and he explained why what happened occurred. He is a wonderful, sweet man with dedication to fathering himself in life and doing what he loves.
I don't know if I want to leave Al for John but I'm afraid if I don't I'll never have the chance with John that I wanted and still kind of want. | John and I had a conflict, now talking again. Al and I are dating but Al doesn't have his life together. John does. I still like John. |
t3_1af1xb | relationships | Repost: I[28/F] am listening to the love of my life [31/M] have sex with another woman at this very moment. | So my boyfriend (well on-again off-again boyfriend) of 4 years went out of town to see another woman. He made me 2 promises: #1, he would call me last night when he got back to his hotel. #2 he wouldn't have sex of any kind with her. Well, I have been blowing up his phone and he accidentally hit accept instead of ignore and I could hear him talking then her, then silence for solid minute, then she started moaning...and yeah...I heard everything. She started moaning his name then I heard her say she's coming...then the big finale and then him gasp and say that was the best sex he had ever had in his life. I'm still listening to them right now... I also kind of want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
He and I live together so I have to see him again (it's my house and I can't move out). We also just had sex yesterday before he left town.
What the hell am I supposed to do now?? | I called my sort of ex boyfriend while he was on a trip out of town and heard him having sex with another woman. |
t3_1cgedp | relationships | My [23m] girlfriend [26f] is having a crisis after 4 years of relationship | Hi,
So my girlfriend and I are together since 4 years, and she is experiencing a crisis.
She told me that she didn't know what she wanted anymore, that she kinda lost herself in the way. She said that she found some sort of explanations on the internet relating "the end of the fusion era in the couple", meanings that we both needs to take some air and rebuild ourself in order to make the relation to work again.
For example, some of our friends just had babies, and we went to visit them, and started to talk about having one in a year or two (it was about 1/2 month ago). A couple of days ago, she said that maybe we should wait, put everything on hold, etc...
I obviously have a lot of questions in my head, but as she's lost, her favorite answer right now is "I don't know". I don't blame her, she is lost, but it's really frightening.
The thing is I am not in this state of mind right now. I think that time will help and it will all be ok if I let here time to think about all this, but this is really hard has it seems like she just doesn't need me right now.
First I felt like she didn't love me as much as before, but she says that it's just like she can't see the good part of our relationship/her life right now and it's all about constraint.
I think that our communication is pretty good, but I'm hella afraid of losing her, or losing the relationship we used to have. I guess relationships are to evolve, but I'm afraid of what it could become.
Some feedback from anyone who already experienced such a thing are very welcome. | Girlfriend is having a crisis, she's lost and I'm afraid of what could happen/don't know what it means/how to react properly. |
t3_lsu7k | AskReddit | How can I tell if a girl likes me? | There's been so many times when I'll find out that random-girl-123 will like me and I won't find out till ages later. Had I known, I would've probably dated her.
Currently, I'm absolutely obsessed with this girl at my school. I barely know her, in total we probably haven't spent more than 3 hours talking to each other, but ever since I saw her about a year ago I became obsessed with her.
Unfortunately we're in completely different social circles. I'm more of a "cool" kid and she's more of a band-nerdy-geeky type of girl. I think she's absolutely gorgeous, but all my mates think she's pretty gross.
Every time we talk we have amazing chemistry. She's done some really sweet favors for me, and laughs pretty hard at everything I say. Even if I don't say anything funny, she might start giggling. She'll occasionally approach me to engage in conversation but I suppose she does that to everyone. I've tried my best at making it completely obvious that I like her.
Overall, I think she likes me, except for one thing... She gets my name confused with another guy like all the time. I wouldn't mind, except this kid is a nerdy, bad-smelling, no-sense-of-fashion, kid with like no friends... Is this what she thinks of me, lol? Does she relate him to me in her head? | How can I tell if a girl likes me? What are some things I should look out for? Her approaching me to engage in conversation? Her response to my jokes? |
t3_zo5m7 | relationships | Girlfriend [22F] minimally supportive, understanding of my [23M] job search. | We both just graduated college. She moved back to her parents house in the hometown we both grew up in. I still live in the house I stayed at during college years, which is about 45 minutes away from said hometown where I have retained my part time job. She is paying no rent or bills, and was given a part time job at a family company where she makes double what I make in 3 days. I hate the town I went to school in and want to move out. My part time job barely pays my rent/bills, and when I'm not working she is expecting me to spend all of my time with her, at her parents house 45 minutes away. So I'm barely even utilizing the house/utilities that I'm working my depressing part time job to pay for.
All I want to do is get a "real" job and get a place of my own so I can feel some security. This is something that is really important to me. I recently had an interview at a decent company in which I bombed part of the interview that I could have easily nailed had I prepared well. I take most of the fault for it, but her lack of support and understanding for the time I need to apply for jobs, and prepare for said interview really upset me once I bombed.
Searching for jobs can be difficult and discouraging. I will be the first to admit that it's super hard to do it efficiently, but if I get an hour or two to myself to do job hunting and make no progress, she gets upset, as if I'm using it as an excuse to get away from her. All in all, it is really putting a strain on our otherwise great relationship. | post college, girlfriend lands easy, well paying job. not being supportive/understanding of my struggle to leave my shitty part time job 45 minutes away. putting strain on our otherwise great relationship. |
t3_krtij | AskReddit | Am I the bigger man? | Reddit, I am here to vent and to ask you if my reaction was too little, just right, or out of line. Now for the story.
I am new to my area. I just moved here back in June and have been trying to drive around and get familiar with the area. Yesterday I go a way I've never been before. I start heading down this street and a guy is waving me down. He seemed anxious about something. So I stop and see what he wanted.
This guy starts yelling at me that I'm going the wrong way on a one way street. He has kids and people going the wrong way will hit them and all these bad things will happen. I mean yelling as he is turning red and shouting at me in the middle of the road. He told me to turn around and read the signs.
I did check, there is NO ONE WAY sign. NONE. So I actually was following the law.
After he walks away, I turn around squealing as many tires as possible. My reaction was to just sit there and stay quiet. I didn't say anything. This may be because that's what I always did when my father yelled at me (cause it pissed him off that I showed no expression) so that's what I did to this guy. For almost an hour I couldn't help but think I should have said or did something more.
Now I ask you Reddit, what should I have done? What would you have done? Right now I'd like to go knock on his door and ask for an apology. | Guy stops me in my car and yells (shouting while turning red) at me for going the wrong way in a one-way street. No sign said one way. I did nothing but turn around. |
t3_2wg6b4 | relationships | Me [30 F] with my husband [33 M] 15 years, how you fall back in love with your SO? | We were pretty happy for the first years of relationship, when we married after 3 years of relationship let say the 8-9 years of married life was not as perfect with really many lows and just a few highs.
there was a point that everything was going to fall, and this time we went to counseling and work harder to better the relationship and individually as well.
he is doing everything he promised this time, he is working hard and has his focus in our relationship. Communication is open, problem solving is better too. he is doing the right things now... this last 3 years should have been the 8-9 from before.
but, I don't feel the same way about him anymore. in general my concept of love was destroyed. I am seeing this relationship more as a relationship that benefit both of us that a love based one.
sex is better but worse at the same time. yes I am able to get what I want now the same from him, but for me it feels like I am having a friend with benefits. that strong connection and love that I would feel after being intimate is gone.
Everyday I am tormented with the idea why to stay with someone you may not love anymore? but there is so many complicated things that would make this separation pretty painful for people that have any fault of our mistakes (kids) they run to him when he comes from work, he plays with them and when I see all of them laughing and happy, I just can't...
before I never was able to see my future without him on it and now is mainly my daydream... | Did you have the same experience falling out of love? did you were able to love again your spouse and how? did it eventually ended? |
t3_ubxpd | AskReddit | Confused about my insecure girlfriend and really don't know what to do | Hi guys!
I've been in a relationship for 8 months with someone who I thought was absolutely amazing. I've lived with my girlfriend from the moment I met her (We met in a "house share" and moved into our own place after a few months).
We've overcome the fact that she hid some ex boyfriend "presents" at the start of the relationship and its all gone now (I think!). We've overcome her telling me about her past and opening up about it being abusive (although we must never mention it again). We now seem to have another problem.
Shes extremely insecure with her body, we've had sex about 4 times with her naked and we used to have sex a few times a day, she has done it at night with the lights off but that defeats the object in my eyes since I'd find it so much of a turn on to see her, shes beautiful!
She wasn't like this with any other relationships, just me. I get shouted at for even suggesting she take an item of clothing off and it completely brings me down not having this intimate contact...
I've always been very open, I don't keep secrets of my own because I like to communicate, I used to not care about my body or how I looked, getting naked is easy for me! But I've realised I'm slowly becoming insecure the more I'm turned down for sex with the lights on or clothes off. I notice that I'm no longer naked and even make a point of dodging mirrors and being fast in the shower as to not feel so exposed for too long.
We've spoke since the beginning of the relationship as I've tried helping her with every problem she has, this one though is always "I know, I'm working on it."
I've offered everything from compliments constantly, initiating it at different times, letting her completely take lead and we do only what she wants, offer to start exercising, eat healthier together, the list goes on and on!
I also get told that I am to be patient, but how long is too long Reddit? Especially when its starting to affect me so much!
I'm so scared to turn into this reclused version of what I was if I stay here, but I love her. | GF of 8 months, live with her, makes me really insecure about my body because she talks about hers so much. |
t3_25o9r5 | relationships | Me [22 M] and GF [22 F] of 4 years broke it off. Need help getting out there and over her. | My girlfriend and I basically dated throughout college. I only rarely felt like I was missing out on the full college experience (hook ups, frat parties), but she is amazing and I preferred her to the other things at the end of the day. She was my best friend.
As time went on and we approach graduation, we seemed to grow up and apart. After lots of tears, talks until 3 AM, and heartache, she decided to pull the plug on the relationship. I didn't want to. We didn't talk for a month after that.
We caught up this week and talked a couple times, and she informed me that she is now dating someone else, a former mutual friend. He's a great guy and she seems genuinely happy. Being that she struggled with depression and self-esteem at times, I feel that he is a good choice for her and I am happy for them. She and I are on good terms but she asked me not to contact her so that I can heal and find myself.
But it hurts, Reddit. After we broke up I realized that I have many casual and work-friends, but no close friends other than her. I feel lonely and don't really have a support system of my peers. I'm graduating in August and have a job lined up in the area, but I feel like it's too late to get involved in clubs or events at the University.
Another issue is that I haven't flirted with another girl since high school and am afraid that I will be cringe-worthily bad at it. She can get any guy she wanted, but I don't think I will be as lucky in love. I am afraid that I will compare all my future SO's with her, and that the future girls will lose.
So my question is, what can I do to practice small talk and meet people looking for deeper connections than casual friendship? I always feel awkward going places such as bars and sporting events by myself.
I need supportive friends and I think a few fun dates would really get me out of the funk. How do I organically build those two kinds of relationships without sounding like a weirdo? | Broke up with long time girlfriend, need help meeting and developing deep connections (romantic and platonic) with others. |
t3_4jivzw | relationship_advice | I [32f] was the source of our dead bedroom. After an unfortunate incident, our dead bedroom is cured. How can I keep up this new-found love of sex with my husband [33m]? (x-post /r/DeadBedrooms) | Husband and I started dating over 4 years ago. Sex was great back then, no complaints from either of us. Four months into dating, I became pregnant, and we married 7 months after that (not a shotgun wedding - we were friends for years before we started dating). I would say the bedroom started to die when I became pregnant and probably stayed dead until 2 weeks ago.
Two weeks ago, I got way to drunk (blacked out) and from what my husband and friends have told me, I kissed both my husband's best friend and his wife. We've talked through this and are working through it, and although other subs on other throwaways told me to wait for the impending divorce, I can promise you that isn't happening here. For the first time, we were both adults, and were able to discuss what happened and how we can prevent it from happening again in the future.
The thought of losing my husband, over something that I consciously didn't want to do (and also didn't remember) and had no urge to do before ever, made me appreciate him more than ever. And ever since then, I cannot keep my hands off of him. I'm not doing it purposefully, I just cannot help myself.
We've gone from having sex 1-2 times a month, to having sex every other day at least. And we're not just having boring sex, its adventurous, all over the house, mid-afternoon breaks, etc.
I like where we are now. I want to be a better wife, sexually. My concern is that this is going to wear off at some point. How do I prevent this amazing feeling of love and lust for my husband from wearing off? | I am a better wife, sexually, since drunkenly cheating on my husband, and I need advice on how to keep being a sexually satisfying wife |
t3_wpxk8 | AskReddit | How do you deal with cheap/stingy people? | I've been friends with this guy since high school, and he's become so stingy and cheap after high school. I constantly have to watch out for myself, or else I'll get stuck paying for everything when we go out. He always tries to trick me into paying for at least more than half of everything we split, and going out is always his idea. So he invites people out knowing he's broke and playing the sympathy card, or ignoring the fact that things cost money. I've learned to deal with him by making it clear how cost will be divided or when I'm in a mischievous mood, by proposing expensive places to go to that he can't refuse when him and I go out in a group. What are some ways that you guys deal with cheap or stingy people? | My friend has money but is very cheap, so I trick him into spending when he doesn't want to. What are some ways that you deal with cheap or stingy people? |
t3_1ela15 | relationships | I don't think we're in love anymore. | I've been with my husband for almost 8 years. I'm (f26) he's (m27). We've had our ups and downs, but lately I feel like we are broken, and I'm not sure if I have it in me to fix it. When we met, he was fun and outgoing, and had a lot of friends. Now, his only friend is our roommate who has lived with us for 6 years. I have a large, active social group, I love making friends. He wants to stay home every night and watch tv while I read or surf the web. We don't talk anymore.
I've been feeling so old and dumpy lately, and I'm tired of it. I've been going out to the bar with my friends, and I enjoy it. I laugh, and drink and have fun. He refuses to go with me, and say's that the only reason to go to a bar is to have sex.
As of 3 weeks ago, I've been chatting with some guys here on reddit. They find my big fat ass sexy, and make me feel like I'm not 60 and waiting on my couch to die. I know that it's wrong, I'm just so tired of feeling miserable. I love my husband, but there is no spark, and I feel like we aren't in love anymore. | my husband refuses to be social or communicate, I've reacted by sexing dudes online. What can I do to fix my broken marriage? |
t3_3cm4fw | loseit | Diet plans that work? | I am a female college student working full time, and I have no idea where to start. I was very active fall semester 2014 due to being in the marching band, where I was around 145 lbs which was a normal, healthy weight for me. I was that weight all through high school as well, involved in band, show choir, theater. I am now 185 lbs, 5'6. I'm not unhappy with myself, I have a lot of body positivity, but I want to march Drum Corps International starting in November and I want to start prepping my body for that. It takes a lot of endurance and physical fitness.
Since I'm working full time and I'm a student, I am looking for quick, affordable ways to lose weight. Something like slim fast or a similar program would be great. I have no idea where to start and any information would be incredibly helpful. Is there a program you've tried that has been really successful? I have used MyFitnessPal in the past to track my calories and it told me I should be around 1200 to lose a pound a week, and though that's what I eat (and even below that....I remember typing in 800 cal for one day...), I'm not losing weight. I'm assuming this is/was due to shitty food, fast food, school lunches, irregular meals, etc. | I'm trying to lose 40+ lbs, in a cheap, effective, safe way. I need some help! Thank you! |
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