id
stringlengths 8
9
| subreddit
stringclasses 29
values | title
stringlengths 2
300
| post
stringlengths 1
2.32k
| summary
stringlengths 70
278
|
|---|---|---|---|---|
t3_h63z1 | AskReddit | What do they mean by "bad liquor?" | Reddit, I went out to see my friend's band last night. Though I didn't drink that much, I was pretty hammered when I got home and threw up for the first time since I was seven.
I know that right now everyone is thinking "whatever, lightweight," but I normally drink way more than that without consequences. My roommate says I must have gotten some "bad liquor." I've heard that expression before, but I'm not really sure what it means.
I'm also trying to figure out why last night was so different for me. I know that I gave blood about a week ago and I was on my period last night, too. Could that be the real explanation? | Why is it that I went from being able to handle 10+ drinks with no problem to 4 drinks and I'm gone? |
t3_4uqzkj | relationships | I'm (29F) casually dating a couple of folks (34M) (29M) (29F) and (27F), ready to date exclusively. | So I am in the longest single run of my life and it's been great! I am 29, have two kids 5&9F, and own my home with a dog. I took a period of time off from dating and sex after my fiancé left me and I discovered he was cheating and then was having a good time on Tinder safely.
Then I made an OKC account and was consistently talking/seeing around 10 people and people just naturally fell off. I've been open and honest so everyone knows I'm seeing other people and that eventually I'd like to date only one.
I've really clicked with the (27F) and want to move forward to pursue a relationship with her. She makes everything calm and amazing; she's brilliant, witty, funny, sings and improvs along with me, her smile makes my whole face smile, holding her hand is an aphrodisiac in and of itself, and I really enjoy her company.
The others are great but they aren't her; so I want to move forward but that means culling the rest of them and having a talk with her about it.
This is the first time I just wasn't in a relationship that just started and happened so it's all new. Do I meet with everyone in person and have a talk? I know I should have the talk in person with her but to be fair with everyone else I want to have fully ended it with them before going exclusive. I'm also terrified of losing everyone but willing to jump in for her, she's worth it. | I'm casually dating 4 people, want to be exclusive with one; what the hell do tell the others and with what media? |
t3_48ompl | relationships | My [21F] really starting to run out of patience with [20M]who is a conversational narcissist. | So I have only known this person for about 3 months but we used to talk on a daily basis and I've only just started noticing that they have to make every aspect of conversation about them.
Everybody is guilty of doing the whole:
> Person A: I'm not very well at the moment
>
> Person B: Oh yeah **I'm** not well either at the moment. **I've** been ill for ages, last year **I** was ill for a whole month.
>
> Person A: Oh are you okay? Guess somethings going round then?
>
> Person B: Yeah I'm fine just a bit under the weather. I thought that too! I said that to my friend.
When I write it out, it doesn't seem that bad and in isolated occasions it's fine, a normal part of conversation. I understand it's just someone relating to another, which is a good thing but I can't stand it when it's to EVERYTHING I say.
I've been struggling with university so tried to open up to them about it but they made it all about them and pretty much ignored everything I said and I'm starting to NOT want to talk to them at all anymore. It's a guarantee that he'll twist everything round back to be about him and it's gone beyond trying to be empathetic and is now coming across just selfish.
I know not everyone is good at conversation, and I feel selfish wanting someone to talk about me or have the conversation focus on my topic but after doing a bit of reading I realise I don't think I'm the one at fault here?
Apart from in this post, I try my best not to make conversations about me all the time.
I'm not really sure what to do about it or how to move forward when every conversation goes backwards. Is this the sort of person I should just cut from my life to avoid being dragged down/frustrated, or am I being selfish/misinterpreting everything here? What are some ways I could deal with this? | Starting to not want to talk to someone who always makes the conversation about them. It's driving me crazy, I don't know how to handle it. |
t3_3b1fpv | relationships | Me [22 M] over time took all of my [60 M] stepfather's head stash and was confronted about it tonight. Seeking ways to (slowly) gain his trust back and balance family relationships. | So, for context, I am a 22 year old living and working at home for the summer with one more semester of college to be completed this coming fall. When I was home for winter break and more recently when I was taking care of the house while they were on vacation, I ended up pilfering his stash until it was completely gone. As for my reasoning behind why, besides being stupid and impulsive, it was because I couldn't find a dealer due to being out of the loop back home. I was confronted about it tonight - the exchange went along the lines of there being no trust, invasion of personal space, words mean nothing, etc. He wants what he paid for it (Perfectly acceptable. Huge dick move on my part which made me realize I need to grow up in many regards). So, the theft is between him and me...for now. But, with MJ not being legal in my state of residence and with it being between family, I'm in a precarious situation.
My step father is a great guy who makes my mother happy and I couldn't ask for more. What I did was a clear breach of trust and won't be forgiven for some time. Given how this intertwines, my main goal is to try and limit spillover that would effect my mother and stepfather's relationship.
Right now, I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to remove myself from the situation (i.e. rent in my college's location) so that my mother and stepfather's relationship isn't strained, but that would mean me quitting my summer job and potentially creating further externalities in M and SF's relationship.
The last aspect of the situation is if I should discuss this at all with my mother. Her attitudes towards MJ have been pretty lenient during my time growing up, but it seems like that would vanish if it was driving a wedge into a relationship. | Gradually stole all of my step father's head stash until he noticed. Trust broken between us, need to begin to repair that, and also manage how the theft might effect SF and M's relationship. |
t3_2x2olk | relationships | Me [24 F] with my boyfriend [29 M] of 3 years, more like BFFs than lovers? | So my boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years, living together for 1.5 years. I've posted in /r/deadbedrooms before. It hasn't been an actual DB in a while, but similar issues persist.
He just seems more like my best friend than my lover. He's not the kind of guy that would ever come home from work and grab my ass and want to have sex. He just never *looks* turned on or horny, and I can't even imagine he's the type of guy to be turn on-able, does that make sense?
Our sex is planned out ahead of time and it tends to be a repeat of all the same things (I'm very adventurous and open/willing to try new things but he is the exact opposite). We just get along so well in every other aspect, we're each other's best friends, we love spending time together and being close in other ways, but I definitely have a much higher libido and tend to see sex as a way of fostering intimacy.
Does anyone else have experience with this sort of relationship? Is it what most relationships and marriages become anyway? | I'm in love with my bf of 3 years but it feels like he's a really great friend rather than a lover. Is this what long-term relationships are like? |
t3_4xwqs0 | relationships | My mom [55/F] keeps moving my [21/F] things without my permission- how do I make her stop? | I'm approaching my senior year of college and I'm really hoping I'll be able to find a job/move into my own place after graduation (haha) because I've had it up to *here* with my mom coming into my room and taking/rearranging my things.
Over the years she has hidden things from me and rearranged my room without my permission. In high school I bought clothes for myself that she didn't like and now I can't find them. She did the same thing to my older brother. He's 13 years older and I *just* found a box of his old clothes. I borrowed one of his shirts and surprise! It was gone when I moved back home from the college. She's either thrown away or stored irreplaceable diaries, drawings, and even homework assignments of mine. I once had to stay up all night re-doing a project after her second sweep of my room where she dumped loads of stuff without my permission. I snapped and trashed my room because that was a rough year homework wise (I was constantly sleep deprived) and she made it worse.
Finally today she came in my room to get me but I was sleeping (okay, pretending to) and she came through my bathroom. On my counter I had my nose piercing on a paper towel. I just changed it for the very first time. I got it while I was still at school and my mom didn't like it. Needless to say, it's gone. I found the paper towel in the garbage but I can't find the stud. When I confronted my mom about it she claimed she didn't touch anything at all. She and I are only ones in the house at the moment. *Every time I confront her about this she denies it a million times over.* Even once when I saw her sitting in my room with all my stuff scattered around she claimed she was cleaning. I told her I didn't need her help. She "cleaned" anyway and then afterwards suddenly had no idea where my stuff went once I realized it went missing. This has been happening for years and I'm fucking sick of it. How do I get her to stay out of my room, especially when I'm away at school? | My mom hides/takes things from my room without my permission and then denies she's done it. How do I get her to stop? |
t3_3ca3b0 | relationships | Am I (30f) wrong to be uncomfortable at this situation? | I'm currently in a LDR with my boyfriend (31m). We've been together for a year and it's been LD since 6 months ago. Recently, he mentioned that he would be going out for dinner with two of his friends and left it at that. The next day, he told me that it's not only the two of his friends he met up with as there were a few other girls and they all went to the bar afterwards. He said that he left early after going to the 1st bar together and was later told by his friend that some of the people were upset that he left early.
It seems like he knew beforehand that dinner/bar would not be with his two friends only but he omitted to tell me that until the next day...
I'll admit that I'm a little uncomfortable at the situation of my boyfriend going out to meet new girls and going with them to the bar but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting here or otherwise.
Should I bring this up with my boyfriend, or should I just let it slide..because I don't want it to seem like I'm stopping him from making new friends... | Boyfriend met up with new girls at a bar through mutual friends, am I overreacting for feeling uncomfortable at this situation? |
t3_2zbggh | relationships | Me [22 F] with my BF [22 M] 1 yr, BF's rabbi won't shake hands with women and it really bothers me | Quick backstory-- my boyfriend of +1yr is Jewish, but not super religious. He attends Jewish holiday celebrations held at the home of our campus' rabbi.
The rabbi is Orthodox-- his wife covers her head with a wig/dresses modestly and he doesn't shake hands with women. As a feminist, the whole not-shaking-hands thing really pisses me off.
And the best thing? HE'S OUR NEW NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR. He's super welcoming and always gathers students in his home. I avoided having to meet him today (I called my mom and literally walked away from the conversation) but sooner or later I'm sure I'll run into him.
My boyfriend says it's just a religious thing that has nothing to do with sexism, but I feel very angry about this. Overall, I don't even want to speak to the rabbi.
Any people out there more educate on Judaism who can tell me if this is sexist?? Am I in the wrong here or is it okay that I feel insulted?? | boyfriend's rabbi won't shake hands with women- is this sexist? Am I wrong in not wanting to meet him or do I need to just get over it |
t3_3mz981 | relationships | [Relationships] My girlfriend of 6 years [26/F] admitted to liking someone else - has not cheated on me [26/M] | We've been together 6 years.
Over the past year she slowly got closer to this guy at work. Recently, right after she switched to a job at a different company, he kissed her at his apartment before a party. She backed off (she has sent me texts with him that prove this is exactly what she did), but admitted to me she thought about the kiss a lot, and did/does like him back.
I made her pick between us, and after about 2 weeks, she chose to be with me and cut him off and stopped messaging him.
Recently, however, they ran into each other for the first time since the kiss at a mutual friend's party. She said the meeting was awkward, but admitted to messaging him after the fact saying it was nice seeing him. This infuriated me.
Since then, she said he has crossed her mind, even though she's really happy with me and our relationship. She tells me she still has about a "5%" crush left, and has admitted to being "curious" about him (especially since he stopped messaging her), but that she doesn't want to lose me, etc. However, while she acts pretty normal in person, she is pretty distant when we're texting.
I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, and am currently at her mercy because I'm essentially just sitting around waiting for her to make a choice.
What is the rational/objective thing to do in this situation? I text her way more than she texts me at this point. | Girlfriend of 6 years admits to having some feelings for someone else, but still tells me she loves me and wants to take my last name. Now I'm just stuck in the middle waiting for her to lean one way or another. |
t3_1ekkz6 | dating_advice | Would it be creepy? [21M] | Yesterday a cute girl stopped me on the street, while I was waiting for the bus, she smiled and asked me where in town she could get her laptop fixed. I'm an IT guy and I've been doing this kind of stuff for a couple of years. So I'm thinking "I could totally fix that!", but in the same moment I utter "You could try [local IT store], down by [landmark]".
She thanked me and smiled again as she walked off. as soon as she was out of sight I remembered my thought from before. Now am an idiot so I spend the next 5 minutes contemplating if I should try and catch up to her and offer to fix her laptop. When I finally decided to catch up to her 10 minutes had passed & when I arrived at the store she was no where to be found.
Would it be creepy to walk into the store and ask them if they would give her my email/number?
We only met breifly, but I'm the type of guy that never meets new people, especially of the other sex. I don't drink & here in my country that seems to be the only way to socialize with other young people. I don't have the energy to do volunteer work, cause of my chronic illness (Chrons disease) that leaves the fatigued. Most days are spend going to work and then going home to sleep. | Met girl on street she was nice, didn't get her name. Knows where she's getting her laptop fixed. Should I leave my number at the store? |
t3_4dmzwo | relationships | Me [24 F] with my bf [24 M] for about a year now, I have become jealous any advice? | So as my title says I have developed jealousy issue after being with my S/O for about a year now. I just see pretty girls on his facebook wall or whenever he checks up on his friend's snapchats (he also has a lot of girl friends rather than boys). I get that a part of me is insecure but I just get immediately irritated.
So for instance, he has recently been frequent on fitness instagrams and other social sites such as r/fitness, which I get because he's trying to be healthier/fit and even told me that he finds back muscles attractive. For some reason I just thought "wow you're just looking at other girls on r/fitness and want me to look like her" instead of "he just wants ME to look like that".
I never really had this prior to our relationship, we were friends for about 2 years before dating and now that we have been I have been feeling so jealous that I sometimes end up pissing him off when I tell him things that end up bothering me. I just can't help what I'm feeling, how do you guys handle feeling jealous? Any advice is appreciated. | I get irritated easily seeing other girls but never had this issue prior to dating my S/O now. How do you guys deal with jealousy? |
t3_h0k55 | self | I'm in a situation where I could lose a friend who is my roommate | The situation is: today is the due date for our first/last/security for an apartment we move into in September and I've paid my portion. There are five of us living in a four bedroom (one couple) and two of my roommates cannot afford the entire payment on the next place we are all moving to. My friend was reaming me out today about taking responsibility for the other two because they have jobs and I do not. I have students loans that I get by on and I will be getting a job/internship in the near future. She had the audacity to accuse me of not being responsible because I have my cash budgeted for our apartment that we live in now and she wants me to use it to pay for my roommates share that they cannot afford. Had I known for certain that they could not afford it I would not have been on board for this whole operation.
The final card she played on me was one that involved our situation last year where this friend helped me cover what I didn't have for this very situation. She covered me when I was saving up and for this I am forever grateful, but now she expects me to do the same thing for these other two guys and I cannot. Even if I wanted to I have only enough money for the rest of the year and I need to make sure that my rent continues to get paid.
The big thing that makes me uncontrollably angry is the obvious irony that she has in her accusation of me not being responsible. I'm pretty sure that the other two roommates here are the ones not being responsible but she is taking it out on me. | I've paid my fair share of first/last/security and my roommate expects me to cover the other two people who cannot afford it right now. |
t3_42lfdx | tifu | TIFU by trying to kiss a girl | The fuck up actually happened last saturday. Picked up a good friend of mine + his girlfriend. We drove to my flat, where we had a couple of beers and talking about different stuff. Important thing here is that I didn't have anything for lunch for the whole day. Needless to say that this will never turn out well but yeah haha.
After killing 5 beers we went to a club and decided to "party hard" which meant more drinking and some dancing etc. Me being someone very tolerant when it comes to alcohol, but yeah as I mentioned before, didn't eat all day and so I got veeeeeery drunk soon. A few moments later I see myself dancing with a nice girl, like body on body dance you know and it was kinda hot what we did there or almost did haha. As a further step I decided trying to kiss her when she moved her head away. When I asked what the problem was, she responded that she was raped a few weeks ago and was kinda scared if I had the same intention and then she began to cry fucking loud and everybody around us was looking and some guys were about to knock me down. | being drunk af, dancing with a nice girl. turns out she was raped few weeks ago and cried so loud that everybody around thought I'd rape her (again) |
t3_14axuf | relationships | [21m] Girlfriend wants to take a "break". Am I losing her for good? [23f] | I'll try and keep this short and to the point.
So I had been with my current girlfriend for about 2 years now. Everything had been great until the last few weeks. She began to "forget" plans we made or ignore me when Id attempt to talk to her. Since we both made a promise to always speak our minds to each other I spoke to hee about how I felt hurt that she had been ignoring me and was barely even giving me the time of day. She said it was a mistake and apologized and said she loved me.
The next weekend after that, something similar happened. We had made plans for the weekend, but she decided to go to the movies with her female friends. I wouldn't of been too mad if she just told me she wanted to go somewhere else and perhaps we'd hang out Sunday and get some breakfast or something. Continuously she'd say she loves me, and only me. Trusting her, i told her I still loved her back.
Finally this Tuesday rolls around. After trying to talk to her on Skype, I noticed she was taking awhile to respond. I wasn't too upset about it so I waited. Randomly she calls me and she discusses how she thinks we should take a break. Confused, I talk to her more about why she thinks this but she seemed to avoid the question with saying "If you love something, let it go, and if it comes back, it's truely yours" and "The hardest choice is the best choice " She still says she loves me but she made this decision | Great relationship with girlfriend goes sour after minor arguements. Girlfriend decides we take a break. What do I do and what defines a break? |
t3_23yr2h | Parenting | how to talk to a 6 year old boy about sex | I'm a single mom of a six year old boy. He's usually a smart smart child (I'm not just saying this because I'm super biased, I swear), but the other night he came into his room with his iPad and said, "Just wondering but how do you spell naked?"
"Why? What are you doing?"
"Nothing, I swear!"
Well obviously I didn't believe him, even though I hoped he didn't actually think I would accept "just wondering" as a reason, and I looked at his searches. He was searching for boobies. I felt equal parts shocked and amused that in his innocence he searched for "boobies". I'm getting off topic here.
I didn't think I would have to talk to him about this so soon. I made sure he knew that there was no reason to be ashamed, that I wasn't mad at him for being curious and being curious is a natural thing. I just don't know where I go from here. My parents are conservative, and I am not, so I don't think talking to my mom would help me very much.
Anyone have any experience with this? Anything would be appreciated! | son is curious about women's bodies and I don't know how to talk to him about it or what would be appropriate given his young age. |
t3_hxr6k | travel | Advice about South Africa and Southern Africa | So I'm about 4 months into my around the world trip with my wife. We just went overland from Bogota, Colombia to Patagonia; now we're in Buenos Aires for a week before leaving for Cape Town, South Africa.
Here are my specific questions then if you could add anything else in, that would be awesome.
When arriving in South Africa, do the customs officials ask for proof of onward travel?
How much time is enough for Cape Town?
Is the sardine run in Durban 1) affordable 2) as amazing as some say it is
Is overland travel as easy as it is in South America? The train network seems extensive and safe.
Any other smaller towns that the guide books may skim over which are worth checking out.
If you have any questions about South America, budgeting questions, or anything else please PM me I'd be happy to help anyone out however I can. | I haven't read much about South Africa and need some advice because I'm still in South America and can't find an English Guide book. |
t3_3k0e4f | tifu | TIFU by saying hi to an old man on Call of Duty | Let me start by saying Modern Warfare 2 is an awesome game. I play on PC (steam) which has a super small community of online players maybe 200 at most. I stopped playing the game about 6 months ago because my interests changed. Today I opened the game and started playing online. Of course I got into lobbies with people I had met previously and made friends with. There was this guy with username "Old-Man" who I would always talk to when we played. I started sending messages over the public chat saying how long it's been and asking how he was doing. I should never have asked old man how he was doing. Old man hates his life primarily because of his horrific marriage. He went off on how he should have left his wife years ago and how much she ruined his life - pointing out that even with all the money in the world the only way he finds a shred joy is playing a $20 online game with 17 year olds. The poor guy couldn't stop telling me how much he regretted doing, mainly just getting married actually. But it was awful even over a text convo with other people chiming in with their .02 this guy was just fucking burnt out because of his bitch of a wife. | 47 year old man hates his life and teaches me other ways to be happy by never getting married in a MW2 match |
t3_1nw5lj | relationships | For some reason, I [20 M] don't care about my partner drunkenly hooking up with her old boyfriend | Context: Two juniors in college have been hooking up with each other for about a month now. There is a mutual, but unspoken, agreement that we wouldn't hook-up with other people, and neither of us had any motivation to. Feelings of attraction and intimacy aside from the bedroom have been well-established, but nothing formal like actually becoming a legit relationship.
However, after returning to school after being a couple hours away, she wants to come over and talk. She drunkenly hooked up with her recent ex-boyfriend, and came over to tell me about it before I heard it from anyone else (we go to a small school, it would have been inevitable).
**I really didn't care.** And it wasn't the reaction she was expecting.
Nor was it the first time I've been posed the question 'If I (the girl you are in a 'thing' with) hooked up with another dude, would you be mad?' And my answer to this question is always 'no'.
However, I couldn't tell you why I am not bothered by this. I like this girl enough to get into a relationship with her, if not for some timing problems. I know I *ought* to be mad, and disappointed, and jealous, but just none of those feelings are there.
I am lost as to where to continue. What would you do in this situation and why does that path make sense to you? | The girl I am consistently hooking with with hooked up with her recent ex-boyfriend, and I'm not even perturbed by it. |
t3_2lqlxr | relationships | Me [23F] with my boyfriend [28M] of 2.5 years, Unhealthy amount of time together? | I've been dating my boyfriend for 2.5 years next month. We met just before my last year of college, and after graduation I moved in with him to take a great job opportunity in my field of study so I wouldn't have to pay rent. My friends have graduated college and moved away too.
My boyfriend and I now work together with a small team of the same 4 or so people doing environmental survey work which entails travel to different locations in the state from week to week (staying in hotels) and come home on the weekends. I haven't made any new acquaintances outside of work colleagues, and I basically have my boyfriend and his nearby parents for companionship.
We currently live in a small town that he grew up in with nothing to do, so it's really hard to find anyone to befriend. He has a few male friends who he's known since long before we met but most of them are middle aged or busy with their new growing families and I have no idea what to say to them past general pleasantries.
My boyfriend and I get along fine, and never seem to get sick of each other. We are pretty good at communicating our feelings so it's rare anything escalates into an argument, we laugh, we cook good food, drink good dranks, fall asleep in eachothers arms yada yada romance. Sometimes I feel annoyed with him for no reason, but that's only for maybe a day out of the month (normally before my lady-time if you know what I mean) so I don't think we're having trouble.
So, I guess my point is I feel like I'm becoming this antisocial introverted person who only feels comfortable around my boyfriend who is my constant companion with my continued lack of friends.
Is this normal? Do a lot of people have trouble making friends after school? Have I become too dependent on him, is it unhealthy to spend quite so much time with your SO? | Boyfriend and I live together, commute together every week to work far away from home, come home on weekend and relax together. Have no social life. Is this unhealthy? |
t3_3ffr9b | relationships | Me [31F] feels second best to my fiance's ex wife [33M M] | I promise this is not a case of petty jealousy so please bare with me!!!
I have been with my fiance for 3 years. Before we met he was divorced for two. His divorce was amicable and he and the ex wife remain friends although they don't see each other much. His family however have retained close ties and the ex goes over for lunches and diners and remains in what seems like constant contact on social media.
I have never met the ex wife, my fiance says she doesn't want to meet me. This makes me feel like a complete outsider in the whole situation. My fiance and his whole family, soon to be mine too, have a relationship with this woman and I don't. The family talk about her affectionately in front of me and it makes me feel awkward. They all love her, whereas I would describe their efforts to know me as tepidly warm. They are polite but for example they aren't friends with me on social media and don't call specifically to speak to me.
After we got engaged there were messages online from his sister to the ex saying she would always be family not matter what. That is how I feel, that she will always be part of the family. Is that normal? They don't have kids. I'm honestly not threatened by the ex, I just want to be given a chance to be a given a fair crack of the whip and it just feels like the family can't get their head around the fact their son/brother has moved on.
What can I do to forge better relationships? I have been nothing but nice and made a ton of effort. | What can I do to get my fiances family to include me as one of them and/or distance themselves from my fiances ex wife |
t3_pj32c | AskReddit | DAE Feel depressed or really shitty after certain movies? I'm wondering if it's just me, or if other people do. | It's weird. Just after some movies, it just brings out some inner depression in me or something. It just feels like there is a pit in my stomach, or a hole in my chest. It's really bothering me. I re-watched "Avatar" a little while ago and while it's one of my favorite movies I just felt like absolutely shit afterwards and it bugged me for days.
It's happening again. My little sister convinced me to watch all the Twilight movies, and don't bother insulting me because I actually like those movies. I'm a straight guy, and I actually fairly like those movies. I'm not one of those guys that think romantic movies are turbo-gay or anything like that. Anyways, I finished watching the third one and I get the same feeling. And again, it's really bothering me.
If anyone else has felt similarly(not the same movies or shows, but same feelings) then I'd like to hear about it. | Certain movies make me really depressed and feel like shit, and I don't know why and it bugs me a lot. |
t3_4xn7o4 | Advice | Torn between two university programs at the moment... | So a little bit of background: I'm not much of a person that commits fully to some things and as a result, I've been through two university programs and dropped out of them eventually. I'm a musician as I like to play percussion and have been for almost my entire life. I decided to audition for my university's music program and to my astonishment, I was actually accepted into the program. I was excited so I committed and accepted the offer of admission. Now, during the summer I've actually been spending most of it away from my instrument and focussing on Japanese linguistics and culture and have been fixated on someday being able to speak another language fluently and it got me thinking...why don't I go into East Asian studies? I've been buying books on and studying more than playing on my off time and I think future-wise, there are better career opportunities which is a plus. I will always love music and all, but I'm forking out a lot of money for a program that's going to give me little in return since I could just stick to what I've been doing before music school. Should I go skip a semester and go into East Asian studies or remain in the music program I'm already committed to? My family for sure won't approve of this change of heart and will assume this is an impulsive decision (which it very well could be). I have two weeks to decide until the music program starts and I've been miserable with everyday thinking of what I should be doing.... | Applied for music program, got in and accepted offer of admission. I'm later finding out that I may have a change of heart and might want to pursue a different field of study. What should I do? |
t3_4b51s3 | relationships | Guy I'm dating [20M] jokingly called me [19F] fat, I used to have an eating disorder. | I've been seeing this guy for a little over a month, we aren't exclusive but I can definitely see us becoming so sometime in the future.
We both have the same sense of humor, and we love to playfully insult and tease each other. I have no problem with this, because we both know we're kidding. A week ago, however, I ate 3 slices of pizza and he joked, "So that's why you're fat!". I'm 130lbs and 5'8 and have been in recovery for anorexia for about half a year. I used to be under 95lbs, in and out of the hospital, but he didn't know me back then. I met him at the weight I am now. I just tried to ignore him and brush it off, but it slightly bothered me, even though I know he was kidding, but still...
Yesterday, he did it again. I think I kind of cringed, because he said, "Hey, you know I'm just messing with you, right?"
So I don't know if I should sit him down and tell him that fat jokes are too far because of my past anorexia, or wait until he does it again. I don't want to scare him away though, we haven't known each other for too long, and this isn't something I share to just anyone. | Guy I'm dating called me fat as a joke, I used to have anorexia nervosa, should I tell him? |
t3_29bzb1 | relationships | Me [24 F] with my [21 M] two month boyfriend who recently started doing sketchy things. | I am in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for the past couple of months (I have known him for 6 months in total).
Our relationship has been going great; he is in love with me, I love him. He makes me laugh and yada, yada, yada.
Everything was going great until he told me that he is going back to selling "tree". I don't want him to be doing this as it puts his life in jeopardy along with mine. He says he is 100 percent confident that nothing will go wrong and that I am being paranoid for no reason and that there is no way that (even if he does get caught) that I will get in trouble.
I don't believe him entirely, so I am turning to Reddit for help.
Am I being unreasonable?
Can I get in trouble for knowing what he is upto?
Should I leave him even though there are no other problems with us?
Am I making this a big deal?
Any insight would be appreciated.
Also, I have tried talking to him but he has tried to change the subject, tried to joke it away, and distract me with kisses every time I bring it up (I find this tactic annoying). When I kept pushing the conversation this morning and told him that I can't see him until he stops doing this, he got frustrated, actually yelled and left. (First time he has done this). | Boyfriend decides he wants to go back to doing sketchy shit and wants me there by his side except that I don't want to get in trouble. Help? |
t3_2efbwu | tifu | TIFU By Bragging That I'm Gonna Jerk Off In My New Room | Okay, so my family is looking for a new place, somewhere a bit larger, as me and my brother have to share a room, and have our whole lives. So of course with this process comes going to see the houses. So my mom comes in one day and tells me that she's been approved for a house that she really liked, it looked great in the pictures, and we get to go see it that weekend(AKA this Saturday, or a few hours ago as i'm typing this).
So we go, my brother, ever the pessimist decides not to go in, but me and my mom do. He should have come in because man, this house is stunning, I mean for the price it was fucking amazing. So I meet the Realtor, just shake his hand and go about looking through the house. All of a sudden the owner drops by, the owner happens to be an older lady, quite nice, but she seems to be very... ritzy, just glamorous I guess(the house ain't exactly built for a millionaire, but her wardrobe was). So I shake her hand as well, and I continue walking, my mom drops by while i'm upstairs and says to me which room is mine, I look around it, just taking in the empty space, the closet, everything, so I look back, and then, in a slightly hushed tone say to myself "Man, I can't wait to jerk off in this room"(something I had never done before). I look back, and lo and behold its the older lady, just turning around, heading back down the stairs, but I could see, she saw me, and heard me, just out of the corner of her eye. I look downstairs and she's talking with the Realtor, saying something, and we look around for a bit longer. Tonight my mom says the Realtor called her and said he had a much better offer, and had to take it, we couldn't have the house(He had literally said that it was ours just days later).
So now I feel like I may have fucked up and lost us that house. | I bragged about jerking off in front of an old female homeowner, lost us any chance of getting that home. |
t3_4j55jf | relationships | Me [18 M] has lost interest with my girlfriend [18F] and need advice breaking up. | For the past month I've been considering breaking up with my current girlfriend after being together for about a year, and I finally decided it would be best for both of us if we finally broke up. She's a really sweet girl and I do love her but it's no longer a romantic love.
She deals with self harm and pretty severe anxiety and depression. She sees a therapist about biweekly and takes medication. Over the past couple of months I think she's been making really great progress and I'm really proud of her. The problem is I don't want to break up with her and have her feel discouraged and lose all her progress. I was her first boyfriend and I took her virginity so I feel like she is really attached to me which makes me feel terrible for wanting to break up and break her heart.
I want to be as supportive and comforting to her, but I want to be clear I think it would be best if we no longer were boyfriend and girlfriend. I don't want her to think it's because of her that I want to break up, I just feel like we are gonna be going into different directions in life (we just graduated high school) and I think it'd be easier to break up while were still on good terms. | lost interest after a year, I want to break up without her losing her progress with dealing with her self harm and depression/anxiety. |
t3_g36kj | self | Hey reddit, my brother is starting a bike trip across Canada next month! Can we help make the journey amazing? (Xpost from r/bicycling) | Hey everyone! I don't post here a lot and never created an account until recently but I want to spread the word about the cross-Canada bike tour my brother is about to begin.
It is a fundraiser for cancer research in which all proceeds will be given to the Canadian Cancer Society.
However I am not just here to ask for donations. Anything you want to do to help support would be amazing, be it lending a couch for a night of rest or by getting your bike out to join in! Any monetary donations would be incredible but what I think he is in the most need of is some volunteered time and assistance. There has been little success in finding any contacts across the country.
The trip begins April 2 in Vancouver, hosted by the UBC's Bike Co-op and The Bike Kitchen.
I am not an event planner but just a sister who is also a cyclist and wants to help see a great community be a part of an amazing journey. I don't even really know where to start in making this happen.
Here is the website he made for his trip: Please check it out! You can see his prospective itinerary and other information.
Here are some pics of the generator he had made for his bike!
I think there is some info on it on his website, he is using it to generate power he can use while he in areas without access to electricity.
Thank you everyone for your time!! | My brother is going to bike across the country for cancer research. Can anybody be of any support, even just by lending a couch for a night of rest? |
t3_4m8qnl | relationships | Me [35/M] with my [29/F] been together 7 months, conflicted about the relationship now. | New here - just looking for some advice. Living in NYC, been one of those ultra-career focused people here who became pretty successful and now have the work life balance I dreamed of, finally looking to settle down and be in a serious relationship.
I met this person about 7 months ago and have been pretty much inseparable since. Fell into a relationship pretty fast.
She has become very vocal about hating NYC and even little things like asking her what neighborhood she was in when checking out something with friends, she becomes very defensive, and instantly jumps to "I know nothing about this city, I have no clue where I was". At first I sort of blew it off. To add to this, where she lives she has had problems with the apartment and it turns into a "everyone is against her sort of thing". Almost everything that happens in her day is turned into something that makes it seem like she has the worst life and it gets her anxious to such a point where she has poor sleep for days on end. I then recently found out she used to be on anti-axiety meds, but that she and her doctor said she "did not need them anymore".
All of this is getting very draining, and I would love to let her know this is really making me question a lot of things - but unsure how to really bring it up. I have always had this thought that you do not truly know someone until you have seen them through all seasons. I question what she would do when real serious life things happen and she needs to deal with them.
Anyways, advice on how to talk about all of this would be welcome. Thanks. | GF anxiety at constant high, and makes it seem like she is a victim to all. Making me question the future of this. |
t3_1hwmla | relationships | Me[19M] with Best Friend [19F] known each other about a month, has a really complicated relationship with an ex. | So me and this coworker I met about a month ago had an instant click and have a lot in common and started talking, within the first week of knowing each other I already had a strong crush on this girl and we're on the pathway to becoming best friends. We hanged out for 4+ hours every day that week just talking and hanging out and have since then hanged out almost every single day when she isn't with her ex or other friends for atleast 6+ hours. We have been to the movies together, ate dinner together, and many other things along the same lines as dating but without the romance?
She still loves her ex and they still are intimate with each other whenever possible and she wants to wait as long as possible for him to make a move towards her and I'm not sure that he ever will as I believe he is maybe using her as FWB and doesn't want more than that.
I really like this girl and I'm unsure of how to make a move if ever, whether it will ruin our friendship, and unclear about the entire situation with her ex. | I really like my best friend but she's in love with her ex still after a weird break up and I'm not sure if I should ever make a move. |
t3_2dv3vf | relationships | Me [17F] with my boyfriend [19M] 9 months, need advice on boyfriend talking to ex-girlfriend again | We've been together roughly 9 months and everything has been fine and still is but I just need to know if its my place to ask my boyfriend a few things about speaking to his ex again.
Short back story to it. He went out with his ex for longer than a year, they broke up and barely spoke after that and never spoke once everything was over and done with. She now has a new boyfriend who is my boyfriend's mate but there is no tension between the mates but when ever my boyfriend does speak about his ex in front of me its as if he wants nothing or as little as possible to do with her.
(From my understanding the ex girlfriend doesn't want much to do with my boyfriend either.)
So I know they will very occasionally message each other, and in the past when its been mentioned the messaging started from her. There was an event on recently where they would have been around each other and my boyfriend had told me that she wanted to speak to him just to get all the crap over and done with which I was fine with.
They never ended up speaking at this event because she had to leave early but I asked my boyfriend at least a week afterwards if they had spoken yet and he said they had and I asked if it was just a few general messages or what and he basically just kind of said a "yeah" and left it at that.
I'm not concerned about anything and I don't care if they message but I'm curious to know what they have to talk about though. Am I out of place to ask my boyfriend again what topics are spoken? I don't need to be shown messages or anything but I just want to know what more there is to talk about. | Boyfriend been talking to ex(who has her own boyfriend too), not concerned, just curious to what they talk about, am I out of place to ask him what there is left to talk about? |
t3_1duelr | AskReddit | How should I handle interviewing for a job I only need for 2-4 weeks | Hey reddit,
So I was planning on moving at the end of this month; I gave my letter of resignation to my employer and was about to give my landlord my 30 day notice to vacate when car trouble struck.
I have enough to cover the cost of moving at this point, but only just barely and will be taking a huge risk if I cannot find a job in my destination immediately.
My soon to be ex-employer will not be able to take me back even if I asked, as scheduling is done 3 weeks in advance and I think the larger part of the managers are buttholes anyways and I've been hating the job for well over a year now.
So I'm thinking that I should try and pick up another job and give my notice to vacate for the end of June. If I can get a month's worth of work (even at minimum wage) that'll give me enough capital to have a buffer for moving.
So, here's the dilemma: Should I be up front with any prospective employer that I only intend to work for a month, tops? Or should I leave out the little detail of moving at the end of June?
The place I've resigned from is expanding this fall and it's not a secret, so I'd need a decent explanation of why I'm leaving that doesn't involve "The job was killing me in degrees" | Need a McJob for a month before I move. Should I be upfront about my intentions to hit it and quit it, or pretend that I'm in it for the long haul? |
t3_4cuw6f | relationships | Spark has left from my side[17M] of a 16th month relationship, not sure if I should call it off with her[18F] | So I've been dating this girl for about 16 months now. She's a super nice person, pretty cool to be around and a great friend. Never done anything wrong, and I'm 99% sure she's still crazy about me.
But for no reason at all that spark isn't there anymore. I still really like her as a friend, in fact she's arguably my best friend, but that special something in a relationship disappeared after the first year. My friend went through a bad break-up because the guy just sorta got bored of her. So I made a promise that I'd never be like that, and I'd only do anything if they did something wrong. But now… it's all sort of meh. I mean I'll be perfectly fine if I stick with her for another month or year, maybe even a decade. But also that idea doesn't really excite me anymore.
There's not a real alternative. There's another girl I like and I think she likes me, but we agreed it'd be better for us to be friends. I don't think that's the cause, but I've included this here to disclose all information. I really want to remain friends with my current girlfriend, she's the nicest and kindest person I know. But I don't know whether I should stay in this relationship or not.
Advice needed. Thank you in advance. | Spark has left from **my side** of a 16th month relationship, not sure if I should call it off. |
t3_2dll6c | personalfinance | [Serious] Trying to buy a used car | So, I've been looking at getting my first car recently, and I think I found a really good one. The price seems to be fantastic for what it is, yet I'm just a little short and I don't feel that it will be available for very long. What can I do to get that few hundred difference rather quickly without applying for a whole new job to work as a second one? I'm not sure I'm old enough to get any sort of loan and my parents can not afford to loan me the money. I'm not sure if this is the sort of thing for this subreddit, but it's the most popular one related to my topic where I may actually get some help. | Broke high school-er trying to buy first car; but is a little short and needs to find the money before the car is sold |
t3_2doy10 | relationships | Me [22 M] just stopped contact with my ex gf[21 F] (with whom I dated three years) today. I need some advice to keep going further. | Hello.
Just a little background to the story:
I used to date a girl for three years, we broke up last february (if interested on details on this, ask in comments, but i feel is not relevant).
We kept as friends with benefits, but I just couldn't take it anymore. She was also seeing/going out with other guys, and I felt awful. I still felt she belonged to me, even though she didn't. This relation was starting to get really toxic, because I was angry at her / about her almost all the time. I just felt good when I was with her, but messaging always gave me problems, because she wouldn't answer so much.
Besides, lately I started to feel she didn't really care about me as much as she did. Like if she found someone else, but she just didn't wanted to tell me. Last time I saw her was last wednesday and it was awesome. Yesterday she got out with friends, and wouldn't pay attention to my messages. I asked her to send me one after she got home and then I fell asleep. I woke up and no message. That was the last straw (she does this often, even though I ask the favor to just let me know when she's home). I might be over reacting, because we are no longer attached to each other, but that's exactly why I made the decision to stop contact with her. I was having way more bad times than good times.
Right now I'm feeling depressed, and guilty. I feel like I made a mistake, I just love her so much, I'm not the kind of person who can stop contact with someone just from one day to another, and much more less if I'm in love with that someone. I just need some advice, to keep going. I don't know if I'm making the right choice.
Anyone with similar experiences who decided to stop contact. How did it go? Does it get better? How did you manage to keep going further? | I stoped contact with a former girlfriend, now friends with benefits and i'm feeling regrets of doing it. Any advice? |
t3_2s3pi4 | relationships | My (20m) mom (42) doesn't like that i have a fwb | So this happened today, my mom and i are pretty open to each other and we grew closer lately because we both went through some stuff. Im still living at home because i can't afford living alone. She helped me getting through a breakup/bad relationship and i gave her advice and comfort when she needed it. So today i set the rules with this one girl i have been chatting with lately. We agreed on a fwb because i dont really want a committed relationship (she neither) and she's not really my type but she's cool and normal minded and i want experience. She was the one who suggested the idea of a fwb. I told my mom this and she seemed pretty upset and worried about me because all those reasons that speak against a fwb (feelings/std/morales/self-worth/that the girl would go around and tell everybody) told her that we set the rules pretty detailed (i read a lot about fwb and dangers and the fwb also has experience with that topic). I know what I want and what im getting into (no pun intended), my fwb does too, but now I'm concerned about my mother. Its my life and I can do what i want, and I told her that her viewings on this matter are outdated, but i know shes upset and maybe a little bit disgusted. Do you have any advice for me? How should i continue with my mom? Can i change her opinion about unconditional sex ? Should I ? Anyone in a similar situation ? | my mom doesn't like that i have meaningless/unconditional sex and is upset. Tips on how to proceed? |
t3_18w2wr | relationships | What does it mean when your gf(25) of 2 years tells you (26 male) that "I'm not emotionally attracted to you but I still love you"?? | What does it mean when a woman says I'm not emotionally attracted;
I can't have sex with someone that I am not emotionally attracted to or intellectually connected with??
We had great sex life during the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship which has disappeared ever since we stepped into the more serious "long term" phase of the relationship. I'm a nice enough kind of guy who does everything for her but maybe being nice is never good enough for her.
She is a very intellectual and emotional woman who likes to correct me every chance she gets and influence changes on me to improve myself to be on the same level as her. I used to be bad at communicating my feelings and thoughts (like many typical men). She taught me to watch how I phrase my sentences so she doesn't misinterpret what I mean or come of the wrong way.
I feel the spark has disappeared but she still says she loves me and couldn't picture herself with anyone else. | Whats wrong/ am I missing something? Has she realized that she can't make any more modifications and is now waiting for me to go crazy/ give up or just waiting to jump ship? |
t3_4tmwbl | relationships | Boyfriend [33M] never leaves the apartment outside of work. How can I [30F] get some alone time? | Hey everyone. This is kind of a small issue but I wasn't sure how to approach this without hurting my boyfriend's feelings. We've been dating for close to 7 years, living together for 3.
My boyfriend is extremely introverted and it doesn't bother me. He has a few close friends that he actually works with, so he rarely hangs out with them outside of work since they see each other all day. This leads to him spending pretty much every moment of his free time in the apartment, with no real reason to leave. For me, I'm not a social butterfly but I do go out with my friends at least twice a month and occasionally go to my family's house for the weekend by myself.
My family was having an event they needed help with a few months ago and I asked my boyfriend to come with me. He asked not to, because he wanted some time to himself and he hated the drive to my parent's house. I was annoyed at the time but it was small in the long run and I got over it quickly. What stuck with me was him saying he wanted time to himself. In the three years we have been living together, I literally have not had a single day or night to myself in our apartment. I am a bit jealous that he can ask for that, and now its really weighing on me. I'd love to have some alone time in my apartment without him there. We live in a one bedroom, so its impossible to get away from him to have me time in my own place.
Problem is he has no reason to leave the apartment. His hobbies are all on the computer, he has nothing he can do that would warrant him actually leaving for a full day. I'd love to have the bed to myself for a night, even one night. After three full years of him constantly being there, I just want a day. But I don't know how to ask for this. I think it would hurt his feelings. Thoughts? | Been living together for three years, I haven't had a single night in our apartment by myself. How do I get some me time? |
t3_1nu2av | relationships | Me [00 M/F] with my ___ [00 M/F] duration, short-description | So I was texting a girl (yes I like her) and a few texts later her friend starts to answer. Anyways her friend calls me and puts me on speaker and she starts messing with me along with her other friends. I asked where the girl was and they claimed she was in the bathroom, then I asked if she knew they were doing this and they just said "Yes and no."
Anyways I heard a voice in the background (sounded male) say "well they're practically dating" and I think this refers to how I spent three hours with her at a cafe after an engineering club meeting. Yeah we talked nonstop until I had to go so I hope that went well.
So what's going on? Is this good or bad?
My friend told me that she could be flirting or something, but my other friend told me that this usually means she doesn't care if she's letting her friends handle it.
Will provide more details if needed. | Texting girl, her friend takes over, her friend calls and puts me on speaker and messes with me. Don't know what is going on. |
t3_1gynmo | relationships | I (23F) need advice about my bf (21M) | My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three months now. Things have been going really well until recently. We had wanted to date each other for a really long time before we got together, so once that did happen things moved pretty quickly.
I know he has trust issues from previous girlfriends and that doesn't bother me much because I have always been honest with him and communicated what was going on with me. He has been saying a lot of things about how he wants to be with me forever and loves me, and will text me things about how much he loves me.
Recently though, things seem to have changed. He started to take testosterone pills to help motivate him to work out, and his trust issues seem to have come to more of a head because of it. I love spending the night with him, either at his place or mine, and he told me that he would never ask me to sleep with him, and he only does it because he knows I like it. Last night before I left I told him I loved him and he just said "mmhm" and then said he would never believe me when I say it. We were texting afterwards and he said that he doesn't trust me at all and that the close I get to him the less he trusts me, because that's just how his mind works. This really hurts me because I love him and being with him makes me happier than I have been with anyone else.
Am I over thinking this situation? What should I do? | Boyfriend has trust issues, relationship was great but has felt different recently. He said the closer I get the more he doesn't trust me, what should I do? |
t3_2tg9v5 | askwomenadvice | Is it too soon to ask my girlfriend to marry me? | Hi, me (M25) and my girlfriend (F23) have been together for about a year now, and part of that was long distance. We met online, and after about 6 or 7 months I decided to fly out to meet her in real life. Best decision I ever made.
1,5 months later I applied for a working holiday visa for a year to move in with her for real, and we've been living together for about 4 months now. We started out in a shared home with other people but recently moved into our own place to really be able to start our lives together.
Obviously marriage would greatly help me get a permanent visa to migrate here (which is rather hard otherwise), but I kind of dont want it to be for that reason.
I do really think that she is the one for me, and I do want to spend the rest of my life together with her. She also feels the same way (we've talked about it a few times already.)
I want to marry her, i'm sure of it, but im worried about the reactions of my family that they think it might be too soon etc.
Is it too soon to get engaged after 'just' one year? | met girl online year ago, met real life after 6-7 months, moved in with her 1,5 months after that and been living together for 4 months now. Too soon to get engaged? |
t3_3gt0c1 | relationships | Me [23F] with my mom [50F]: She doesn't want me, a married adult, selling my own stuff. | I have three items for sale on eBay. My mom saw me share the links on FaceBook (big mistake not blocking her from seeing), and she sent me a message saying she would buy them from me "to save me shipping". I told her only if she actually wanted them, and that the "Buy it Now" markup was pretty high (I have both bids and Buy it Now options).
I'm selling these items a.) to earn a little pocket change, and b.) to make space in my small apartment.
Before you perceive me as ungrateful for not accepting her offer, I would like to mention two things:
* She and another family member don't like it when I sell things. I was raised to have emotional attachment to what I have and NEVER to sell. However, for my lifestyle, in which I will be moving from place to place the next ~10 years, this is highly impractical.
* There would be a fee for me to cancel my listing since there have been multiple bids on all items already.
Keep in mind I am a grown adult, married, and am very independent.
Do I let her buy them (shipping, high markup and everything on eBay) and possibly face guilt over her overpaying for something that will ultimately end back up into my apartment somehow (they still try to get me to take my high school clothes back; I told them to sell it all, but they refuse), or do I hurt her feelings and just let it go to the highest bidder? I feel like I can't win either way. I'm open to other options. | My mom, who is very sentimental, wants to buy my items I put up on eBay so that I won't have to "sell" them. How do I handle this? |
t3_dh3l7 | books | My "Lord of the Rings Return of the King" is quite odd.. | Hey /r/books, I recently purchased Lord of the Rings : Return of the King. Now, my book is the revised version (1978 published by Houghton Mifflin) and after 300 or so pages in (I have't read the book, yet) the book ends, and from around page 300 to 440 is this huge appendix.
Now, I'm not sure if thats how long the book is supposed to be (roughly because obviously books page size and size font can vary) because I have copies of LOTR Fellowship of the Ring and Two Towers both published by the same , Houghton Mifflin. The first is around 400 pages, and two towers is around 500, but, Return - 300 pages?
I'm wondering if I should go back to the local used book store where I bought it and return it and pick up a different edition.
So, /r/books, my question I ask is , is my edition fine as in, not shortened, or is it shortened in any way?
Thanks in advance, I hope to hear good news that it's fine! | my copy of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King is 300 pages, shorter than the other two books I own, is it supposed to be this way? |
t3_sj5g4 | relationship_advice | Not sure how to deal with my mom... | For starters, I need advice on how to deal with my relationship with my mom. 20 y/o female here. Here goes, I love my mom to death. She is incredible and I look up to her for several reasons including her independence and the fact that she raised me and my two sisters as a single parent on an American public school teacher's salary.
Here is the problem:Being a school teacher she has seen some terrible kids and some great ones. When she gets worked up on a subject she disagrees with she spits out incredibly racist and ignorant (false) information or sweeping generalizations.
Specifically this lies in conversations on the American Welfare system. To clarify, my family has never been on welfare and I don't claim to know enough to argue the subject. But when my mom even hears the word she goes off on a tangent about how we need to abolish the whole thing and that black people are lazy and need to get off their asses and get a job like the rest of us instead of scamming the government.
She does this in PUBLIC. I realize there are flaws in the system but she gets incredibly vocal and says some incredibly offensive things to the point that instead of even trying to make a point about her being wrong, I change the subject to avoid further embarrassment.
I am beginning to lose respect for my mother because of this and it is starting to take a toll on our relationship. I would really hate for an issue that my family really has no stake in (other than taxes) to weaken my relationship-but I really cannot take listening to her talk about these awful things.
To clarify in advance to those who will say "Stop talking about welfare" the last time she went on this rant was because my grandfather asked me how my CRIMINOLOGY CLASS was going… | Love my mom but she has racist and incredibly hateful views on certain things and it is making me rethink my relationship with her. |
t3_1sp2ck | relationship_advice | Love a girl that my school prohibits me from dating | Hey reddit! Throwaway account obviously because I have friends here who would see that I posted this and it could end badly for me.
In a nutshell, I've fallen for a girl at my school that I'm not allowed to date right now. I met her a last year when she was a freshman and I was a junior and we just really clicked and had chemistry. I mean sure, there's always that physical attraction portion of the beginnings of a relationship, but our personalities just mesh so well it's crazy. I'll be thinking one thing and she'll say it right before I do. And when I mention the nerdy things that I like she ends up liking them too!
If she was a year older, or I was a year younger, then we could date. But because there's a 2 year difference we wouldn't be able to date until both of us graduate which won't be for awhile. And getting kicked out/leaving this school isn't really feasible. I've been physically attracted to lots of girls and have had enjoyed hanging out with them, but this girl (we'll call her Zoey) is the only one that I feel truly happy and emotionally connected with. If either of us are in a bad mood we can talk to each other and just cheer each other up instantly. Nothing even needs to be said, just her presence makes me feel better. I don't know what it is but she's like some type of cure-all euphoric drug. What can/should I do? | I've met a girl that I'm emotionally and physically attracted to but I can't date her due to circumstances out of my control |
t3_3gmu7m | relationships | Me [19 M] with my gf [19 F] of 4 years are having some problems with long distance | Hi, so I go to college in northern Cali and my gf is going to college in SoCal. We are both currently sophomores. Everything about long distance is going fine, except this one thing. She's in a sorority at her school, so she often parties with this one frat, hangs out with them all the time, etc. For example, of the past 5 days, she's gotten drunk and partied with this group of frat boys 4 times, and this is an average week. She also goes and gets lunch, and goes to the beach with them all the time. I told her I was uncomfortable with this, and she said I had no right to be uncomfortable with her doing that because I live with two girls. I see where she's coming from, but the difference is I don't drink, go to lunch, or really do anything with these two girls. They're basically just living in the house that I live in. Like the problem isn't even that she's going out with them to party or hanging out with them, it's just that she does it so often which is what makes me uncomfortable. Am I in the wrong here? How do I talk to her about this without going through the usual routine of her just saying I guess that says a lot about you?? | My long distance gf gets drunk and hangs out with frat boys all the time, I said I was uncomfortable with how often she was with them, and she freaked out. |
t3_370lw7 | relationships | My [16F] Step-Father [36M] has a perpetual victim complex. | In the four years of knowing my Step-father, he has made no personal growth in concerns to his victim complex. He has a habit of perceiving everyone as out to get him or that in very scenario, he can do no harm.
Examples:
When my mother is resting from a long day of work, he'd go into the kitchen. After a few minutes, he'd sigh loudly, grunt or complain. If someone asks what is wrong, he'll complain that "Nobody is helping me". Granted, he is cooking a small meal for himself and never asked anyone for assistance.
If his favorite mug isn't washed due to his use, he'll groan and moan about how he has to always wash the dishes (not true).
The one instance he did do housework, he made it out to be a horrible, life draining chore. He'd lecture on and on about how "we shouldn't be so messy" or how "we should clean up after ourselves more".
But when me or my mother ask him to clean up after himself or not make a mess, he cries about how we're "ganging up on him" and that "cleaning isn't so hard".
He has yelled at my mother for small things such as not moving a chair or placing a book back, but when my mother calmly tells him to do something of the same aspect, he becomes hurt. Often times shrilling that she is "yelling at him" or "attacking him". When my mother states that he is the one yelling at her, he states that he didn't yell at her and that she's trying to make him look bad.
When I become involved as a third party, he becomes angrier, saying I shouldn't get involved in adult manners. I honestly believe I'm just making him see what he's doing to my mother.
I once used an audio recorder and made him listen to the argument between them. Both parties did no know of this. When I played back the recording, he accused me of trying to make him sound like an asshole.
He refuses to go to therapy as he sees nothing wrong with what he does. | Step-father has a very bad victim complex and believes everyone is out to see him fail/get him. He won't go to therapy. |
t3_2h1rii | relationships | Me [16 M] with my girlfriend [16F] 4 months, wont let me kiss her on the lips | Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 4 months and are fairly happy, but their's one thing that seriously gets on my nerves: whenever were cuddling, or even doing something sexual, she wont let me kiss her on the lips. ive tried everything, we went on a ferris wheel together so she sits across from me instead of next to me, she even actively tried to get away from my friends so we can be alone for 3 fucking hours just to end up finishing without a single kiss.
its like every time the moment is perfect i go in for the kiss and she reels back or buries her head into my neck. i can tell she loves me just as much as i love her but its getting really hard to be with her when she doesnt even let me kiss her.
recently i tried telling her about how im worried about the relationship, and she pulls every card to make me feel bad. for example: i tried asking her if she could just show some sign of affection and she responds with "I'll try harder to be whatever you want I guess. These feelings tend to leave me with a hole in my chest" i mean its not like im trying to bend her into what i want in a girlfriend, because she already is my everything.
(more examples)
i told her i just want a simple kiss so she respond with "I just find it fucked up that I've taken everything you've done that's internally torn me apart with a big smile on my face where my cue is a "pretty please""
i asked her to please stop doing what shes doing trying to make me feel bad so she says "How badly do you want to punch me in the stomach and ditch me right now 1-10" | My girlfriend will let me do anything just not simply kiss her. how do i get her to show this simple sign of affection? |
t3_3eq297 | relationships | My [27M] GF [19F] just miscarried, and we didn't even know she was pregnant. How can I help be there for her? | My girl and I have been dating a few months, and on her most recent period she told me it was a lot more painful than normal, with the cramping and headaches. One day she had to go to the hospital it was so intense. They gave her a pelvic exam and was told that she miscarried, due to her overactive white blood cells (which was determined through a blood test). He put her on medication for an infection, and recommended she visit Planned Parenthood to see about an HPV test, and to also look into testing for Cervical cancer.
I'd like to know how would a doctor know she has miscarried, if he wasn't a GYN? And What would make him believe she may have cancer? Should we worry she was misdiagnosed? What if she is still pregnant? Are there tell-tale signs of a miscarry? And cancer?? We are both pretty shocked at the whole thing, and I have tried not to ask too many questions of her, being emotional about it still.
I guess we're both a bit relieved that her pregnancy was unknown to us, so we couldn't get attached to it. Not to mention we aren't really ready for children. Guess we need to be more careful! | GF went to the hospital for period pains, turns out she miscarried, how can I help her cope? Also just want some general understanding of what exactly happens at the doctor's office in this case. Thank you. |
t3_12xgcd | AskReddit | How/When did you know what you wanted to do for a living? | People of reddit, I am in the middle of reevaluating what to do for a living. I have a few ideas of where to go from here, but I am curious about the process that other people have used.
So here's my question:
***If you are enjoying what you do in life for a living, HOW/WHEN did you know what you wanted to do?***
If you can share also what is that you do, and your age.
And if you don't enjoy what you do, what is that you'd like to do, and are you working towards it, or it's just a dream? | If you are enjoying what you do in life for a living, HOW/WHEN did you know what you wanted to do? |
t3_2itur6 | relationships | Me [21 M] kinda losing feelings for my [21 F] been together for about a year. starting to like a study buddy/ possible future coworker. | Long story short. I graduate in about a year. Doing public accounting. My girlfriend graduates this summer. It's obvious we're going two completely different paths. She wants to end up working in miami or in Tallahassee as a legislative assistant. She's a really sweet girl, but I'm just losing feelings for her.
Also, recently befriended this gorgeous girl from my tax class. We've been studying a lot together and she's just funny, has wild side, and is still very smart. I love being study buddys with her because we take breaks and just talk about real shit like life in all it's fullness. She wants to end up doing public accounting in Atlanta and it's to the point where we both talk about possibly working for the same firm. Idk if I can even see myself dating her, but she's just really fun and attractive and I would love to work with her because she's so much fun.
What do I do? I feel like I'm going to break up with my current girlfriend eventually, so should I just do it now and stop delaying the inevitable? | At a cross-road in my relationship. Losing feelings for my current girlfriend. Also gaining feelings for a new study buddy. |
t3_3pdgmk | offmychest | I keep making the same mistake. | Too lazy to make an alt account.
I keep doing this bullshit attention thing where I complain about myself in an "oh woe is me" way. I know for a fact it's upsetting, and I don't even consciously realize I'm doing it until someone points it out. Every time I think I'm doing better at not doing it, I just do it again, and it's getting to a point where it's making me seriously consider hurting myself because I'm so angry and fed up with being shitty. It's like there's no way I can improve because I'm constantly just going to backslide anyway. Like I'm so fucking awful that I can't even fix one thing about myself. And it's going to be entirely my fault when people start walking away, too, because I'll completely deserve it. | I throw pity parties that make people upset, and now I want to hurt myself because I'm not improving how I'd like. |
t3_10k85c | AskReddit | My "thug" of a co-worker hardly works and I'm afraid for my safety if I try to file a complaint. | So I'm a building engineer, basically a handyman for the building I work at. I work with a team of 5 other building engineers. We operate/maintain our building of 41 floors.
Now I have a certain co-worker who likes to go and hide somewhere in the building when he has nothing to do, which is most of the time. It's not that there is no work to do, there is ALWAYS something to work on in the building. ALWAYS
I found his favorite spot to hide in a vacant suite and I've actually caught him sleeping a couple times in the suite.
Now the reason I'm afraid to do anything about it is because I knew this guy before he started working with us. Him and his family are full of thugs. ( Or at least just him and his brothers.)
I say this because of all the stories he likes to tell me. Stories that range from fighting the Zetas in Mexico, to cheating with his girl of 6 years with all these "fine hoes" at work.
He likes to tell me his life's story while we eat lunch, which is the ONLY time I see him throughout any day. Its soo fucking annoying! I just want to eat my lunch in peace browsing/reading short stories posted on /r/nosleep through my phone.
I've been thinking about reporting him to our boss for a good while out, but I'm afraid that if I do, I can't remain anonymous. I don't know how it works, I've never had to file a complaint before. I know he's actually been caught sitting down doing nothing in another vacant suite a bit after we first started, but he managed to come up with some excuse. He's also been written up already for being late to work a bunch of times already.
I'm sure if I say anything, he'll get fired, which I seriously would not mind at all.
But I don't need him to show up to my house and do something stupid. He's not really a stupid person, but he is dumb enough to do something about it if he finds out I "snitched".
What should I do reddit? | My coworker hides and doesn't work most days, and I'm afraid for my safety If I try to do anything about it. |
t3_wrsil | AskReddit | Stuck in a lease with landlords that won't pay to remove mold or maintain the property, do I have any legal protection in California? | I am a student at a major UC who is in the middle of a lease with a non-profit that owns both their offices and our property next door. The house is no winner, and I never expected it to be, but there are serious health issues that the landlords refuse to address and instead say is our responsibility.
Most notably, our bathrooms have zero ventilation and our windows are from the 60s. Because of this, massive amounts of black mold appear on our windows. I have asked repeatedly for them to bring people in to remove this, but they insist that it our responsibility to remove any black mold found in the house.
Other minor issues include: not providing locks for our windows (so they literally swing open from both the inside and outside), and require that we climb on the roof and clean out the gutters.
Are there any legal protections that permit us to pursue the landlords for damages? We do not pay a small rent (combined $3,500 a month) and feel that there should be some requirement by our landlords to at least keep the house in a healthy, livable, condition. | Landlords on campus require we clean black mold from house if found in face of $3,500/mo rent. |
t3_4oph5g | relationships | Girl(15/F) I've dated/talked to for 2 years ended things with me (15/M) because of a false rumor. Help me get her back! | I dated this girl for 9 months, we broke up for about a month. Then we have been talking for about a year now.
She is in the grade below me, so I wanted to wait until we were both in high school. Anyways, I became good friends with a girl this year. She ended up sending me pictures that weren't good..
Then a rumor got started. Me and that girl have have done everything But have sex! This isn't true. But only my friends believe me?
So the girl I like texted me yesterday and said we are done because I've been doing bad things with that other girl. I tell her the truth. She told me I'm a liar and she's done with my bullshit and we are done for good. And not to talk to her.
I tried to get her to let me talk about this in person to her. But she won't let me.
I need help! I'd do anything to get this girl back. And yes, I know I messed up badly. But I understand now and want nothing more than to get her back.
I texted her this morning and said hey just so you know I'm not giving up. She left me on read.
What can I do? Please help! | girl I've been with for ~2 years told me we are done because of something people have told her. It's not true, she thinks I'm lying, and I'll do anything to get her back. |
t3_3gv5ug | relationships | I [21F] wasn't invited on my friends' [21-22Ms] camping trip because I'm a woman. | I'm the only woman in this particular social circle. It's a group of high school buddies and we hang out weekly, but I just happen to be the only girl. Recently they planned a camping trip, and I was the only one not invited. My SO, who is in the same circle, was invited, but declined to go because he felt it was unfair to me. He said they want it to be a guys weekend, but I just don't understand how me being there would completely change their trip, especially when all of us hang out every week. I've never been excluded like this before.
I would like to add that my SO and I never act 'coupley' while out with them because we know how it can make some people uncomfortable. Anyone would assume we are just friends, so not wanting the 'couple' on the trip can't be the reason. None of these guys have girlfriends.
Is hanging out with women really that different than hanging out with men when you get along really well? I would argue that I have more in common with them than my SO even. Gender is never and has never been a topic in our hang outs. I'm really hurt that I'm not invited because of what's between my legs (I've never understood a 'guys night' either because of this).
Is there anything I should do? I don't want to start drama but I don't want this to be a theme with me being left out by being a girl. I just want to hang out with my friends :( | I am the only one in the friend circle who want invited camping because I'm a woman. Is there anything I should do? Is hanging out with women really that different than hanging out with men when you get along great? |
t3_4m2uv1 | relationships | I think it's time to end things with my [28M] long term GF [32F]. Unsure how to proceed. | Keeping it intentionally vague, because I can't be sure she won't see this. Also, I don't know which of my friends know my reddit account, so throwaway :).
We've been together for 5+ years. We live together. Did a lot of growing up together. She had an emotional affair (+some kissing) some time ago. We worked through it and have been trying to make things work ever since. Things keep going up and down. Some days it's great, others can be a real struggle. I got over the affair thing, but we have other issues we're trying to sort out.
Recently, certain events happened that gave me clear evidence she is not over the other guy. She clearly still has very strong feelings for him.
The other issues I'm willing to try and work through, but I'm not going to just sit around hoping that her feelings for the other guy will go away. Clearly she has unresolved feelings, and I don't want to be someone's default partner while they are thinking/possibly wanting to be with someone else. Given certain external factors, it's not possible for her to simply cut off contact with the other guy, but I'm pretty sure they don't actively communicate.
I can understand attraction to someone else, but not the level of feelings and desire to be with the other person she seems to have.
With all this being said, I think I'm done. The question now is: how do I go about ending this relationship? What have you fine internet people experienced when ending a long-term, committed relationship? What are some do's and don't's? | Long term relationship. I've learned that she still has strong feelings for another guy that I thought was in the past. Think it's time to end it. Need advice on how to proceed. |
t3_42clbm | pettyrevenge | Revenge is a dish best served... snowy? | I live in a place where we become pretty good friends with snow, and we got a ton of it last night. I also live in an apartment of a converted house (of which there are two) with a ton of stairs. Admittedly, we haven't talked to our neighbors at all or set up any sort of shoveling agreement, but logic would dictate that the work be split in half, either every other snowstorm or half of the communal space. Any time I shovel I just do the whole thing, minus their half of the porch and porch stairs (as they decided first that they'd only shovel their half of it).
I go outside to check this storm's damage, and see they already shoveled a portion of it. Cool. They shoveled their side of the porch and their half of the porch stairs. Sweet, I can dig it, this is what they always do, even if it's a bit rude that they shoveled all of their snow *into* our half instead of dumping it over the side or something, but no big deal.
After you go down the porch stairs you get to the cement stairs which leads to the sidewalk. We share those, and there's no divider between to distinguish ours from theirs. I notice that they have an interesting definition of half, meaning their definition is vertical rather than horizontal.
They shoveled down to the first landing (about 6 or 7 out of 30 stairs), didn't shovel said landing, dumped all of their displaced snow onto the lower stairs and didn't touch the sidewalk at all. Huh? The snow was so high that I nearly fell down trying to make it to the sidewalk.
My neighbor's car is gone, and I see their pristine shoveled parking space. Alright, cool, new plan. I spent the next half hour or so painstakingly shoveling all of the snow off the rest of the stairs, the sidewalk and two of our other neighbor's sidewalks into that parking space. | They who passive aggressively only shovel their part of the porch and the top few stairs shall henceforth get all snow shoveled into their parking space. So mote it be. |
t3_2fxgu4 | tifu | TIFU by telling the bassist from a band that he looked a bit like the bassist from a band | So I went to a gig last night and the bassist was the most into-it bassist I have ever seen, grimacing and hammering at his bass like a man possessed. After the show and having recovered from the drained torpor that only good doom metal can induce, I decided to buy a shirt. Just before the show began I had passed by the merch stand and noticed a little cardboard sign saying 'back later!' but this had seemed irrelevant. I noticed the dude behind the stand looked like the bassist of the group I had just seen, but I figured he wouldn't be here, alone, behind a shitty plastic trestle table, selling merch. What follows is our exchange:
Me: Hi, yeah can I have that shirt over there. You know, you look a bit like the band's bassist.
He: Ha ha, really, do I?
Me: Yeah you do.
He: Ah, well thanks.
He looked at me like I was a bit of a whacko but I couldn't really figure out why, so I handed him the cash and went on my way.
I approached my buddies who informed me, with much mirth, that the guy was, in fact, the band's bassist.
Needless to say I went back and said 'You are the bassist!' and he said 'Yeah I know!' and I apologised and lost my shit a bit and told him how amazing they were and he signed my shirt. Top bloke. | Went to a gig, told the guy at the merch stand afterward that he looked a bit like the band's bassist. He turned out to actually be the band's bassist. |
t3_3nxhnm | Advice | Boyfriend loosing friends | My boyfriend of a few years now is going through a really tough time. He's had depression for a long while, and is on medication to help. He has been drinking a lot as well. The last year he's been in and out of friend groups. The first one, they partied a lot, good people, but had a falling out and he was directly hurt by it. They recently made amends but are not in each others company. Then, he made a few friends and would hang out with them and drink a lot, and now they're talking behind his back and are also not wanting to be around him. And now, his friends of 5 years and even longer have all opted out of his life and said it was because of his drinking. He's tried contacting them but figures if there not trying, what's the point?
My boyfriend is a wonderful guy. We have had our dark moments but after getting passed them, we've been very happy and successful together. However, I do think his drinking is getting out of hand and I try to explain to him this is why many of people have steered away. However, even if this is true, his friends hardly made the effort to get him on a clean and supportive path, which even I expected of them. | my boyfriend's friend groups have been coming and going in the last year, and I am not sure what in the world I can do to help him. |
t3_3z64nw | relationships | Me [19 M] with my GF [19 F] of 1 year, got kicked out of school and is hiding it from her parents and I don't agree with it. | So my GF got kicked out of collage and is suppose to start school in two days. She brought up a proposal to her mom about dropping out and just getting a full time job because she was going to switch school in fall anyways.
Her mom doesn't want that and is telling her to go back to school. So my Gf is deciding to hide it from her parents and making me apart of it by going to my house when she is suppose to be at school and making the school mail go to my house so her parents don't find out. I also have to hide this fact from my parents.
I highly disagree with her decisions and she never owns up to her mistakes and takes the easy way out everytime. I feel this is taking it way to far and don't support her in this decision and don't know what to do. I want to tell her parents even though I know it will make it so she won't see me very often and she will be mad at me for the foreseeable future. I was hoping I could get some input on this. | My Gf got kicked out of collage and is going to try and hide it from her parents . I don't think its right and don't know what to do about it.: Mandatory summary/question! |
t3_2anweh | relationships | Me[21M] and my girlfriend [20F] of one year, having trouble accepting relationship history | Ok so this story starts off 3 years ago. Back then me and my girlfriend(we'll call her Katie) started to talk, we liked each other but I didn't know if it was mutual at the time. Other girls were talking to me at the time and one of these girls wanted to be in a relationship with me, I liked this girl too and we entered a relationship together. This relationship lasted for 8 months.
Due to this, Katie got upset and we stopped talking for 8 months. During this time we still talked here and there, wishing each other happy birthday etc. After I broke up with the other girl, I started to date girls, kissed girls, had one night stands etc
After a while, me and Katie started talking again. We became really close and we got into a relationship one year ago next month. However we both have arguments regularly about my relationship past. Katie brings up that I left her for another girl, I kissed other girls, had sex with other girls and then after I done all that, I finally went with her. I was the guy who took Katie's virginity so I'm the only guy she's had sex with while I have had sex with 7 girls in the past. I keep telling her the past is the past, those girls don't matter to me and currently I am with her. We make up after these arguments but I feel like they are never solved, just swept under a rug.
I don't want to break up as we been together for one year and the relationship is great with everything else. So breaking up would be the last option. | Girlfriend finds it hard to accept my relationship history and it's causing regular arguments. Don't want to break up, don't know what to do to fix this. |
t3_48cjy4 | personalfinance | Filing for bankruptcy next week. Should my wife file with me? | Hi folks,
I'm 28 years old and I make about $50,000/yr. I have been sued for a $20,000 debt I owe to an educational institution (note: not a student loan).
I have hired a lawyer, who has attempted to negotiate a payment plan to resolve the debt, or to pay a lesser lump sum. Talks have failed, and they intend to seek a judgement against me. The trial date has already been pushed back a few times, and now this is it — in three weeks, I am going back to court, and I will lose.
I have no way to pay the debt they are looking for in such a short time frame. My attorney has suggested bankruptcy. I intend to file next week. I also have other debts, and combined, I'm about $30,000 in the red.
My bankruptcy attorney is wanting to know if my wife intends to file as well. She is 24 years old, and makes about $40,000/yr. She also has some debts, but not nearly as bad as I do. (She has a ~$5000 medical payment that's in collections, and about $2000 in credit card debt.)
We probably spend about $2000/mo. in bills, rent, etc. We also are bad when it comes to budgeting. It seems like we never have enough money.
Should my wife file for bankruptcy with me? Or is there a chance we can save her credit history? The bankruptcy lawyer says that he believes it would be easier for she and I to start with a blank slate. But I hate the idea of her credit history destroyed over for something that is primarily my fault. Especially because someday in the next few years, we'll probably want to start looking at houses, and a bankruptcy on both our records would likely make that much more difficult.
Just looking for opinions. Thanks. | I'm filing for bankruptcy because I'm $30,000 in debt. My wife is about $7,000 in debt. Should she file with me? Or should she not file at all? |
t3_2xhxp3 | books | Discussion/opinions on reading translations... | I've been reading a lot more than ever over the past few years, but have always had a problem with translations. This is because they ALL seem to have some problems, and there is always a critic online somewhere saying the translation is poor, so because of this I have only been reading in English eg. Pynchon, Roth, McCarthy ... But now I have been thinking about reading more of the (older parts of the) canon, with an interest in Russian, French and Italian literature. Do you believe that reading a translation can be worthwhile, or do you always lose too much of the original writing and therefore meaning? (for example books like Dante's Divine Comedy or Tolstoy's War and Peace) | Do you believe that reading a translation can be worthwhile, or do you always lose too much of the original writing and therefore meaning? |
t3_3y1ou0 | relationships | Me [27 M] with my brother [26 M], it bothers me that my brother still has a relationship with our abusive father [55 M?] but I don't know if that's selfish of me. | Long story short, my father [55 M?] abused me [27 M] when I was a kid. I'm the oldest out of all my siblings (divorced family) and he beat the shit out of me, religiously abused me, and later I found out when he was with my mom he raped her. Of course, I was the oldest, and my younger brother [25 M] didn't get abused like I did. My mother [51 F] thinks it is because I look more like her than my brother, but who knows.
Anyways, my father did a lot of bad shit, and I cut him out of my life. I tried giving him chances here and there throughout my life, but I just feel too uncomfortable about the whole thing, and only just a few months ago realized I just can't forgive him for all the horrible things he's done. I let him know, too, over the phone so he would stop trying to communicate with me. He's all "goody two shoes" now and has a bunch of kids with my step-mom and is super-religious.
My real life brother still has a relationship with him, and it bothers the hell out of me. I know it shouldn't, he wasn't the one beaten and abused, and he respects that I don't want to talk to him, but I just feel like why would anyone want to communicate with someone that raped/abused someone. It makes me upset, and talking about it to him wouldn't do any good, because my brother is pretty stubborn, and he'd just say our mother is exaggerating or it was a long time ago or something. I also worry about the future, what will I do if I plan to visit my brother and my father is there, etc. I saw him during my brother's wedding and I played nice, but I wouldn't want to do that again, now that I made up my mind to completely cut him forever out of my life. | My dad is a piece of shit. My brother still has a relationship with him. It bothers me, and I'm wondering if it should. |
t3_2l16dj | relationships | Me [21 M] meet Girl [20F] , We clicked, she gave me her number, I have no idea what to do (she lives over an hour away) | So, I meet a girl at a Halloween party yesterday, we hit it off really well, she VERY obviously is into me, we spent 30 minutes to an hour (or more) just chilling and talking. She gave me her number (I didn't even have to ask lol!). So, Ive never actually made it this far, generally the girl doesn't give me her number, says she has a boyfriend, declines, ect. So, now Ive got her number, and I don't know what to do with it. She lives about an hour away from where I live, but is moving down here next semester.
I don't know what to do, I have a premise to text her (we were talking about websites and gave me her number so I could send her the website since she says she never really uses facebook,), but that said, I don't really know what to do with that, or how to segway into some conversation. I mean, Ive NEVER gotten this far with a girl who was actually interested in me (not going to go into how I know, but its pretty safe to say, I'm clueless when it comes to seeing that kind of stuff and it was obvious even to me lol)
To top it all off, she lives an hour away, she has friends in town, and its not THAT far away (about an hour and a half) but I'm in school, have a job, am active in church stuff, so I dont exactly have a ton of free time and I know she is in school and works as well. So driving out isn't really an option either. | Clicked with a girl, its never happened, I don't know what to do, I'm about as experienced with girls as a 6th grader. |
t3_1ajjch | dating_advice | How fucked am I? (18m) | I met this girl (16f) few weeks ago on a party at our school. She looked and smiled at me for a long time so I went towards her and we danced/chilled for a while. (both not that drunk at all I guess). As I asked her for her number she just gave me her name in facebook. (Hasn't got a smartphone, think she doesn't use a phone that much)
Okay, so we texted for 2-3 Weeks almost daily (few times/week at first, more often afterwards) but she refused everytime I wanted to spend time alone with her (no time because school and stuff) At first she seemed quite sceptical about me, but now I think she somewhat liked/likes me.
Now the first problem: 2-3 days after we met she made out with one of my better friends (drunk, believe she kinda regrets it [side note: he just broke up with his gf, wants to fuck everyone/everything] ) but they hadn't much contact I guess and he hasn't got any feelings for her.
Second problem (the actual one): I threw a party for my 18th Birthday on Saturday. There were around 70 people and I hadn't much time so talk to her that much. (She didn't know most of the people but had a friend with her) I asked her once if she wanted to dance, she refused. (too shy) And also afterwards we didn't talk much.
Didn't spoke to her since, what should I do Reddit?
Btw. I'm not a native speaker, everyone who finds gramatical mistakes is allowed to keep them ;) | met a girl, shy as fuck, invited her to my birthdayparty, was too drunk to flirt or shit, pls halp |
t3_geijt | relationships | Found out a little too much information.. | F 20, M 20
Dating for about 5 months, my first serious relationship, his second.
I made the stupid stupid mistake of reading a private message (I know it was wrong, so you can skip the scolding and finger-waving), and finding out what my boyfriend thinks of our relationship.
He sometimes feels that he's only with me to keep from being lonely, and that he's forcing himself to stay with me. While this apparently isn't a constant thought in his head, he still thinks it sometimes. He doesn't like the fact that we don't have a lot in common, and that I want to spend a lot of time with him (he very much enjoys his alone time). Pretty much, he seems to be unsure about things and it's making me uneasy.
He's already said "I love you" and all that, and I've said it back, meaning it 100%. We both have issues with depression, mood swings, etc. I've got trust issues, so obviously reading this set me back a bit. I feel like he's not being honest with me.
How can I ask him about all of this? I wish for some open communication between us. If he's having these thoughts, shouldn't I be able to discuss them with him? I've never been "in love" before now, but surely when you love someone, you communicate your fears and concerns.. | Read bf's private message about him being unsure about our relationship. I want to bring it up to talk it out, but don't know how to go about doing it, or if I should even bother. |
t3_20lqyf | relationships | I [25 M] was just broken up with by my boyriend [21 M] after 16 months, how do you navigate the feelings? | My boyfriend of almost a year and a half (16 months) just broke up with me two days ago. He told me that he doesn't feel the same way about me anymore, and has been feeling that way for a while. That combined with a few fights we had is what led him to throw in the towel. The fights were my fault; I was getting mad at him over little things that shouldn't have been an issue because I could tell things were different between us. He became less affectionate, he seemed very distant when we were together, and eventually stopped telling me that he loved me. This was killing me; it was also killing him. However, we ended on good terms. We were able to say all the things that needed to be said to each other. And we both agreed that he needed to leave me.
The worst part is that I'm still in love with him. He was perfect for me. I'm really glad that we ended on good terms and to know that he doesn't hate me (he just doesn't love me anymore).
I just don't know what to do with these feelings. Its so difficult to let go of the hope that he might change his mind and want me back. It's very hard to go out and keep my mind off things when I start uncontrollably sobbing ~every 45 minutes. How can I stop loving him because that's the only way that I can move on? | My boyfriend broke up with me because he fell out of love with me. I'm still in love with him. What do I do? |
t3_44swjt | relationships | I (17F) am stuck when it comes to inviting friends to my 18th birthday dinner (Non-Romantic) *please help :(( * | So I am turning 18 in a few weeks. As my present, my parents are letting me bring a few friends to a big city for a very expensive dinner. It'll probably cost $50 for each person. So I have chosen 5 friends. The problem is, in middle school, we were all apart of the same friend group with more than just the people I'm taking to dinner. There's this girl I still hangout with that was apart of our friend group, and she openly tells me how she doesn't like 2 of my friends (that are going to the dinner.) I should also include that this is not "Jenna's" scene. She is not the type to get all dressed up, and totally changed in high school. I feel like it would be a very awkward situation, because my best best friend, Mikayla, is one of the girls Jenna doesn't like at all. Jenna has no real reason not to like her, it was just a falling out and I think it may be jealousy.
I don't want to invite Jenna at all. She is mean, picks on little things that people do, and usually picks a target for the night to pick on. The only reason I ever hangout with her is because she isn't like that one-on-one. Mikayla knows Jenna doesn't like her, she doesn't have a problem with Jenna, but I just feel like it would be awkward. PLUS, my car is filled up and we have no extra room for anyone.
The dinner is expensive, Jenna is mean, Jenna has a problem with two of the girls, and there is not enough room. I rarely ever hangout with Jenna, only on rare occasions. I have other friends that I wish I could've invited also, but obviously 5 girls is a lot to go to a nice restaurant. How do I avoid this being a problem for Jenna, or even any other friends I can't bring? Do I act like my parents planned the whole thing and invited those specific girls? I don't want to just come out and say how I don't want them there, I'd rather avoid it until they (hopefully don't) bring it up to me. Please help! | Going to the city for my birthday and can't bring more than the amount of girls I already am bringing. I want to know how to avoid conflict with the girls that I can't bring. |
t3_32hgia | relationships | My [22M] SO [22F] of 3 years is ditching me for an ex and gave me these reasons. | We've been together 3 and a half years ( she us is my first proper girlfriend ) in a LDR and recently an ex (which she didn't fully finish things with and still has a soft spot for - he fucked her over surprise surprise) got back in contact with her and is giving her a lot of attention. She took me aside to tell me this was happening before things got further and requested a break (yeah I know) to sort out her feelings.
From the start of our relationship she had always been the one chasing me and with that I never felt the need to chase her back. She stated that I don't make her feel like a woman and that she doesn't feel wanted, that she wears the pants in the relationship. And the relationship was stagnating, we were getting comfortable and routine. She's obviously getting this love from her ex which I suppose is the big reason why she is attracted to him.
At this point I consider the relationship pretty much gone.
What did she mean by all those things she said (especially not making her feel wanted)? I always complimented her whenever I could but the long distance was a big limiting factor for us.
What I really want to know is what to do in future relationships to prevent this from happening again.
Is the relationship salvageable? I know either way she has to see this ex to sort her feelings out and after that I'm not sure that I want her anymore. Something inside tells me I will. I'm trying to distance myself now to prevent too much hurt. | Gf is interested in getting back with an ex because I'm not making her feel wanted enough. Need advice for future relationships to prevent this from happening again. And if it is worth fighting for |
t3_3wei89 | Dogtraining | [HELP] Dog eating/playing with poop when alone | So I have a 1.5 year old Yorkie rescue and he had a severe case of separation anxiety. We brought him to daycare for awhile when we worked for socialization and also to have someone watch him during the day. We recently moved away from the daycare and close enough to my in-laws and dropped him off there M-F. My father-in-law is retired so he could watch him but he's now in Nepal for about 3 months.
Since we've had him, we trained him to use pee-pads but he loves going outside. We use pee-pads so when we have our relatives watch him, they don't always have to take him out. I know it's generally a no-no, but it's better than having him soil their apartments.
I've been able to train him on being alone without whining or barking by giving him plenty of exercise, feeding him (along with a calming aid) and leaving some kibble in a interactive feeder ( At the moment, I have not been able to find a dog walker in the area so he's been home alone for about 10 hours (I leave around 830am, my fiancee comes home by around 6pm).
We have a camera and watch him and he's doing great and mostly sleeps. Around 3pm, he poops on the pee pad and will leave it alone initially, but sometimes later on in the day, he will pick it up and play with it. I think on one occasion, he ate some, but he generally just kind of chews on it. We leave out an elk bone that he loves chewing when we are around, but he doesn't ever use it while we are out.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how we can curb that and train him not to do that while we are away? | Leave dog home alone for 9-10 hours and he eats/play with his poop. Don't have a dog walker yet so looking for suggestions on how to correct the problem. |
t3_49d3kr | relationships | My friend [23 F] with her BF [23 M] 1.5 years, she's afraid to move on because he has scandalous nude photos of her | Basically, we all went to the same university/college. She has moved back home and really won't see 90% of the people she met in university.
She has broke up with her BF and her BF has moved on and slept with other girls. She wants to move on too but she knows as soon as she moves on, he's going to go psycho and try to blackmail her with nude photos he has of her. He's always been sneaky with his computers,
passwords, etc. She just doesn't trust what he might try to do if she tries to move on too.
What should she do to move on? | My female friend broke up with her BF but he's going to blackmail her if she tries to move on. What should she do? |
t3_3fz9ve | relationships | I [M 24] feel completely stuck in a relationship with my gf [F 22] of 10 months and don't know how to back out. | So apologies in advance if there are any grammar mistakes, as I am typing on my phone and am a little high.
I feel completely trapped in this relationship. I don't want to be in it at all anymore. The problem is that there are so many other things that pile on. She cut ties with her parents because of me. She is stuck in this city because of me (she graduated college and now doesn't have a place to stay since her parents don't help anymore.
The problem here is that I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I feel like she wants to get married and I just.... Don't. She's not the woman for me and I don't know how to express that. I do like hanging out with her. I do like her personality but she has a dark past of cheating on her ex boyfriend with multiple people and it just seems like a big red flag. It's freaking me out.
The biggest problem right now is that she had a whole bunch of her stuff at my place. Further than that she also has no where to stay once this happens. I want to do this making sure that she is taken care of and that I'm also looked after too. I don't want this to end ugly.
What's the play? | I've been with my girlfriend for 10 months yet things moved way too fast, she lives with me, has abandoned speaking to her parents because of me and all without even talking to me. I want out. |
t3_4glyws | relationships | Please help me work out my (21f) feelings toward my boyfriend (21m). | I'm having trouble establishing and understanding my feelings about my boyfriend. I have never been in a relationship previously. He is my first everything. We've been together for 8 months.
I'm struggling with my thoughts and emotions (or lack thereof from depression). My boyfriend is the sweetest guy, but I don't think I'll ever be in love with him and there are no "butterflies." I've compiled a list.
What I know:
- He makes me happy
- I'm physically attracted to him
- I am completely comfortable around him
- I never want him to be sad
- I enjoy his company
- If at any time something is bothering me, I'll tell him
- I have full confidence that he won't cheat
- I trust him
- He always puts me first
- He loves me and accepts every flaw
- Every time I feel depressed he tries to make me feel better
I broke up with him a few days ago because I felt awful about the thought of never loving him and the lack of butterflies when I'm around him. If I never love him, it's unfair for him to stay with me. I'm scared that I'm settling with the first relationship I have. I'm still so young. Another toughie is that my friends and mom don't like him. Everyone thinks I can do better. Towards the 7th month, I stopped enjoying kisses and hand holding.
He's my first boyfriend. Maybe I don't know what love is? Is my depression holding me back? Am I overthinking things? Should I just go with the flow? Am I just staying with him out of guilt? Am I just afraid of hurting him?
He wants me back and I think I want him back, but is it right? | Boyfriend loves me and everything about me. I don't think I'll ever love him. My feelings have barely changed since the beginning of the relationship. I worry I'm being selfish by staying with him. |
t3_1683a1 | relationships | F(26) and M(33) He would rather masturbate than have sex | I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. When we first met we had sex every time we saw each other. Now we see each other most days of the week, and in the past few months have sex about once a week. Usually this is after me pointing out that we haven't had sex in a while, that I'm horny, that I'd like to be having more sex, etc. I also try initiating, but get turned down (even just oral).
My boyfriend has said that his sex drive has gone down, but I recently found out that he masturbates and watches porn way more often than we have sex. He will also watch porn for at least an hour at a time. Is that addiction?
I recently confronted him about knowing how much porn he watches (he previously downplayed it) and how bad it made me feel that he chose to do that over having sex with me. He took it well, but no real resolution was reached.
I should mention that I'm attractive and down for anything in bed. When we do have sex, it's great. I have also tried joining him while he's watching porn, but he's not into it. Any other issues that we have are talked about and resolved - this has been the only ongoing one.
Sex is extremely important to me, and I'm not sure if this is worth it. Have any of you ever been in my boyfriend's positon? | Been together for a little > 1 yr. Boyfriend masturbates more than has sex with me, even though I ask for it. |
t3_3p740k | relationships | Me [16 M] with my "girlfriend" [14 F] of two weeks, her birthday is in a few days and I'm not sure if I should do something. | So as the title states, me and a girl have been acting together for about a month now, and we've already know that each other is interested. We've made date plans but her parents aren't really all to keen on her dating; so the plans haven't been able to happen.
That's not really the thing I'm asking about though, her birthday is in about a week and I'm not sure if I should get her flowers? Chocolate? Try and see if her parent's would allow a date? I would just like another person's input on this, and maybe a few ideas. | Me and a girl have recently become a thing, and her birthday is coming up. I want to do something sweet, but I'm not sure what. |
t3_3o6x1w | tifu | TIFU By Watching 2 girls 1 cup | Before we begin, if you don't know what 2 girls 1 cup is, it is the most disgusting video that probably exists. I am not going into detail here. It's so bad, it makes /r/WTF cringe, and deserves NSFA: Not Safe For Anyone.
A few weeks ago, people were sending out links to a video called 2 girls 1 cup in my favorite IRC chat. They said that it was a very funny video about how 2 toddlers playing with a cup. I clicked on the link and when I saw the first scene, I was like "Umm... I dont think this is the right link". Within the next 30 seconds, I was parylized in horror as I watched 2 girls eating shit. That's right. Eating shit. When it got to the part where the girl threw up, I felt the urge and ran to the nearest toilet and puked my guts out. My mom asked what was wrong, and went in my room to get something. Stupid me left the video up, and she saw the video. When I heard her scream, I remembered "Oh shit (get it? lol), I left it open". She was speechless. Every shit since then has been akward. | Got tricked into watching 2 girls 1 cup, leaves it open on accident while going to puke, mom freaks out. |
t3_2y3hhl | relationships | My (26) wife (25) has issues with intimacy.. help. | Quick backstory. My wife and I met a few years ago and became friends. Friendship led to a friends with benefits deal, which eventually led to a relationship, blah blah. Here is my issue. When we first got together, we had great sex all the time. Like, all the time. She was very sexual, very giving, I could tell she had an extreme physical attraction to me. It was great. We would have sex multiple times a day, in public, in the car, she'd blow me and even swallow. Now that we've been together for a while, it's basically a 100% one-sided effect. Before, she would randomly walk up to me and yank my pants down, now it's like pulling teeth to even kiss her. She HATES when I try to go down on her (used to love it) and blowjobs are basically non-existent in our home.. My biggest problem.. she was a bit promiscuous before we got together, and because we were just friends with benefits at first, we swapped a lot of stories. She would tell me how she enjoyed going down on guys and would swallow all the time, all of these crazy kinky stories. Now that she hardly touches me and resists my advances, that shit really bothers me. She had been with a few people I know before we met, and it fucking drives me nuts. I just can't help but wonder why she was able to do these things with these other guys, but not me. | My wife was promiscuous, used to be fun, now she's boring and won't touch me. Help! |
t3_12oahu | loseit | Going to give it a shot! Tips? | I'll try to keep this short and sweet. I am a 22yo male, 5' 8", and 200 pounds. My job is working on the computer so I sit around all day. My diet, frankly, sucks. I don't own a scale and only know my weight from a recent doctor's vist. It has been the same for about 3 years now, and I probably keep myself from getting any fatter from walking everywhere I go since I live in New York City. I want to become healthier and change my body image for me and my girl friend.
To start off, I just checked the calorie calculator from the FAQ, and going to try to limit my calorie intake to 1600 a day. I downloaded a calorie tracker app on my phone to keep track. I plan on going out and purchasing a scale right after I post this, to get daily weigh-ins that I am going to recored, along with the daily calorie intake. I am thinking of also taking weekly photos of myself, maybe less if progress takes longer than I thought. For working out, I am going to keep my long walking commutes as my activity for now, and see where this approach takes me. I walk about 20,000 steps a day, as reported by my pokemon pedometer ;) How does all this sound? How can I improve my approach? | 200lbs Male, 1600 calories a day, 20,000 step walks per day, weekly photos and recording calories&weight per day. Goal is to lose weight and look thin. How can I improve my weight-loss approach? |
t3_4vaat0 | relationships | I [23F] caught my fiance [24M] sexting other women. | My [23F] Fiance [24M] has been sexting other women through text and multiple websites and I just got wind of it. He claims he didn't physically cheat but in the messages I saw he was setting up plans to meet with these women. He works second shift and I am in bed when he gets home - he has been late some nights but claims it was overtime. We have 2 children together, as well.
In some of the messages he was saying that I did not stay fit during my pregnancy (youngest is 6 months old) and am not fit now. I am by no means fat, but I do have to work on toning my tummy still. He was saying this to a single mom that he was flirting with online. All of his messages were very personal and against me. Some women wanted to add him on facebook but he said he couldn't because he's engaged and doesn't want me to find out. The women still kept chatting away! He also told many of them that he would much rather sleep with them than with me, and things along those lines.
I'm setting up an appointment to get an STD test done because I have no idea if he really did hook up with these women or not. I am scared, hurt, and feel like the most undesirable woman alive.
I stopped wearing my engagement ring and he has gotten upset about that. He also believes I am more upset about this whole thing than I should be.
Am I being unreasonable? I want to leave, but I am not bwck at work yet and have no family or friends. I am not sure where to go from here. I thought we had a great life and relationship. | caught Fiance cheating, incredibly hurt, he says I'm overreacting, and I'm not sure where to go from here. |
t3_2dkfec | relationships | Me [19M] with my 1 month ex [18 /F] 1 year almost 2 , recently broke up, can't get over her | So I met my ex around 2-3 years ago and we talked and everything but didn't become official until a year later. We were really happy together, even when I'm stupid and do stuff that hurt her but she still forgave me and stayed with me. After a recent trip she took for a few days she came back, and for some reason it didn't feel the same. Like it felt like she was no longer interested or liked me. The day we saw each other felt really distance we haven't had sex or cuddled. It felt really distance as we laided there. I told her how I felt but she told me not to worry and that I was being silly for thinking that. I was also going through a hard time as I had no job for awhile and my savings were disappearing, so I did not feel as happy as when I had a job and income. So my personal problem (money) and our relationship problems (not feeling it) built up inside me and I felt pretty down so I stopped talking to my gf for a few days so I can get some space to resolve my own problems and see what I wanted to do with my life. A few days after she calls me and wanted to talk so we met up and tells me she wanted to break up because she lost feelings . I said yes because I'm the type of guy, that doesn't want to hold back a girl or relationship just because I didn't feel the same. So we broke up with out thinking. Now a month after I'm starting to have dreams of her and everything I think of her everyday and want to get back with her but I don't want to because it feels like she doesn't is doing better with out me. I really love her and I don't know what to do! | gf of one year breaks up because lost of feeling. Guy wants to get back but girl seems like she's doing fine with out and doing better with out guy and does not want to get back |
t3_yavj7 | AskReddit | I was told by my mother to steal a tv today, but then I lost my vehicle privileges when I was 10 minutes late for my curfew. What double standards have your elders put you through? | Okay, so my mother called me at around 3:30 and told me to come meet her she needed help. I drove out to meet her at where she told me and told me that a half of a mile down the road there was an evicted house with a TV on the front porch. She told me to drive up, put the TV in my car, and drive off. Being my mother, I listened to her without question because that's what I've always done. However, about an hour ago I came into my house at 10:10 to see a livid mother in her chair. She then goes on a rant about how I'm completely irresponsible and didn't deserve "a damn thing". She then went on to take my car keys and told me "you can have these back when you've learned to listen to rules!" | My mom told me to steal a TV from an evicted residence, but then revoked my automobile rights for being 10 minutes past curfew. |
t3_2pmtlf | tifu | TIFU...by accidentally pulling the fire alarm | So I'm a college student and its finals week. Most professors don't give our their exams in class, so then they would make their students take their test at the University testing center on campus. Unforunately, my professor assigned his final exam to be taken at the testing center. And today was the only day i could take it. So keep in mind that its finals week and everyone is trying to their final at the testing center. So i stroll my way over there to take my final and get into a long ass line that overflowed out of the testing center. I must have waited at least 1.5 hours before entering the actual building. So there I was, standing in line, studying from my notebook, and moving inch by inch at every several minuted when I blindedly trip over something. With a quick reflex to hold onto something close to me as I fell, I quickly pulled down the fire alarm as it was right next to me. When I hit the floor, the fire alarm goes off and everyone looks around to see what happened. The testing center staff immediately evacuates the whole building. I tried explaining that it was an accident and that I did it, but they didnt listen and yelled at me "There's no time to talk! Evacuate now!". After evacuating everyone and realizing there was no danger, everyone eventually had to get back in line again.. and i had to wait 2 more hours. Needless to say, the staff seem pretty pissed at me. | i waited in line for 1.5 hrs. Pulled fire alarm by accident. Everyone had to evacuate and i had to get in line again. |
t3_3flate | relationships | I [21 M] got "friendzoned" by a girl [19 F] and now she is seeing someone else [19 M]. | I met my co-worker [19 F] 3 months ago and we were interested in each other.
I didn't want to make a move yet as it didn't seem professional to date a coworker. However, it even seems our supervisor is trying to put us together.
Anyways, we became close friends and I would also encourage her about school (telling her that she's doing well) and she said she was very comfortable with me.
I thought that meant we were going great, until by the start of the 3rd month, she started growing cold romantically.
A couple days back, I asked her whether she liked another co-worker (I see that they're getting close) and she said no. In fact, she said "I have someone else [19 M] in mind. We've been seeing each other, but it's not official." (AKA it's not me.) Then she talked about how she was planning on asking him to go to the company barbeque but decided not to. (She went with me to the barbeque as friends.)
So, question is: How do I get myself out of the friendzone and become competitive again? She said "it's not official", but I'm not sure whether she's willing to consider someone else. | Had something with co-worker, but didn't act on it. Now, she considers me a "good friend" and is "seeing someone else". |
t3_2ucsxu | legaladvice | Have I [19M-UK] left it too late to claim any sort of child support for the past 15 years? | *I apologise now for the crazy story, I will try to keep it short (if not interested in back-story, skip to the end):*
My father and mother initially had a great relationship, both in good jobs, had me and all is well. He drops in with the wrong friends at new higher paying job and becomes addicted to cocaine.
My mother didn't know for a long time, until he completely changed as a person (became violent, cheating & mysteriously disappearing) and left him when I was 3. They were not married but did own a house together which he happily threw us out of whilst we went to live with his mother until we found somewhere new (only took less than a month).
Anyhow, some crackwhore moves into our family home and I'm completely forgotten about for the next 15 years - my mother is too disgusted (and proud) to ever ask for child support and is adamant she can do the whole 'single mom' thing, despite us struggling financially at times (she has never married or had a LTR since).
As it turns out, 'father dearest' moved onto harder things and became a big time dealer in our area and to stop having to pay house payments he claimed mental illness and went on 'welfare' - quitting the well paid job. Meanwhile raking it in, via the drug empire, and somehow miraculously getting away with it all this time. | I'm very proud of my mother and all we've gone through, but I can't help feel she/we should have deserved some sort of support. Is it too late to do anything about this now? |
t3_28cm7p | relationships | My [23F] s/o [25M] of 10 months isn't emotionally open enough | My boyfriend [25M] and I [23F] have been dating for 10 months now. This is both our first long term relationships and his first serious one. We have uttered the L word for a while now and I enjoy hearing it, but I find that he is uncomfortable with expressing himself emotionally.
Back in March, he got a job the requires him to do shift work. He works outside of the city for 2 weeks, then has 2 weeks off. At first I was okay with the distance, but it's starting to wear on me.
I enjoy physical affection and words of affirmation from my partner. My s/o on the other hand is a quality time type of person and is uncomfortable with public displays of affection that go anything above hand holding. So when he is away for 2 weeks at a time, I enjoy hearing that he misses me and loves me, but he's so out of touch with his emotions that sometimes it makes him uncomfortable to say it. He has told me before that his family doesn't tell each other that they love one another and that feelings have always been null and void for him.
His father was also recently diagnosed with multiple cancers, and when he found out, he had no reaction at all. It almost scared me how much he avoids his feelings.
I guess what I'm getting at is how can I make my s/o realize that his feelings are normal and that it's okay to express himself? | My boyfriend doesn't enjoy expressing his feelings or talking about them, even when serious issues arise. How can I make him realize that it's okay to be emotionally open? |
t3_2p7t55 | needadvice | Car owners of Reddit, I recently went to the dealership, got me in a new car and now they are trying to change stuff up on me. How do I go about having them take it back without it being a repossession? | I've looked all up and down trying to find some answers for this and I can't find anything to make this end. I got a new car and they set me up with the loans and everything few days later bank calls asking for more verification of income to which I said I didn't have anymore then what I gave them. At the point I'm at now I would rather not even deal with them anymore and go get a used car somewhere else. I'm going to mention that its a breach of contract but not sure what else I can do. Would that end all of it or would they just fall back to the original contract and still push that one on me? And if they couldn't fall back to the contract how do I get my down payment back? Any advice would be appreciated thank you! | got a new car bank says I don't qualify for their loan that they gave me in the beginning now they are changing it up and all in all i don't even want the car. What can I do to get out? |
t3_2ijsxp | relationships | I [20 M] am unsure if I have missed the boat with someone [19 F] from my class. | So I met this girl about 2/3 months ago in a class when she sat down next to me and introduced herself. In the following couple of months we started to see each other more often maybe a couple of times a week. We went out a few times with our respective friends but every time I tried to take her aside for a bit she seemed not to want to (although I didn't try particularly hard to do this, I'm a bit shy when it comes to these things). We haven't so much as kissed yet. I know I should have probably made my intentions clearer by now but I haven't so whatever. Sue me biatch.
Anyway I haven't had any contact with her for a bit over a week now because of a university has been off and that's normally where we catch-up. She used to instigate conversations regularly, so a week long radio silence is a change.
This wouldn't be the first time I have bided my time a bit too long and missed my chance with a girl. Is that what's happened this time? Should I pursue this further or leave it and move on? If so, how should I approach that? | Been seeing a girl for 3 months or so but haven't talked for a week. Have I waited too long? Should I pursue it? If so, how should I approach that? |
t3_477t8p | relationships | Me [18 M] getting ignored on text by my crush[18 F] after texting alot for the past month. | Hi all,
I've known this girl (my crush) for a very long time and recently (since 1 1/2 month) started texting with her, having a fun time and texting alot.
But since last saturday in the middle of a conversation she just never texted back, this morning is tryed a "heyy" but still no reaction.
I think that it is because she was into me (not 100% sure) and expected me to make a move, like ask her out but never done it before so I don't know how and when the right moment is there to do it.
Out of nowhere she just doesn't text back anymore, and don't know what to do to fix this, because i don't want to send a text like "did i do something wrong" because that is probably going to make it worse.
Anyone that can help me with what to do to fix this? | Have a crush 18F, been texting alot and out of nowhere she doesn't respond anymore, probably because she expected me to ask her out sometimes, but i didn't and don't know how. |
t3_2pdt7q | relationships | I [22 F] introduced a friend [24 F] and her current renter [21 F], and they are not getting along. | "Kira" (sweet but emotionally immature, hates conflict, and sometimes still slips into high school level drama) is renting a room from "Mary" (fairly mature but extremely hyper and forgets that the world isn't black and white. Mary would never intentionally be mean, but she can be thoughtless.).
Kira was sick last week, and now Mary's come down with something and is blaming her. Kira always comes crying to me. My response is, "WTH? You got a problem? Go talk it over with her and if you can't handle it, find another place to live." So far Kira is hiding and avoiding going home. I'm not a drama person and have no idea what to do. Also, as soon as they're done being sick, Kira will be back on a similar whine about how Mary and her husband want to hang out too much and don't approve of anime. Mary is not the most sensitive soul, but she's extremely friendly, generally non-judgemental, invites Mary to everything, and feeds her for free. | Two friends I introduced are now renter and landlord and are not getting along. Besides staying out of their girl drama, can I help? |
t3_vf5ut | relationships | So I'm meeting the girl I like who doesn't feel the same way... What do I do? | I'm (20) in a bit of a dilemma right now Reddit and could use some advice. In a few hours I will be meeting my best friend (20) who I have liked for over a year now, and have been mad about for the last few months. She knows I like her (although possibly not to the extent that I do), and has always tried to deflect the subject although has admitted she doesn't want me back. That said I never feel like I'm completely dead in the water.
I really want to ask her why she doesn't want me, see if it's something that can be "solved", but I'm afraid it's something I have no option but to accept, which I fear may drive us apart as friends. I've known many girls take the "I don't want to lose you as a friend stance", but from what I've seen and experiencrd, the guy, deflated, slowly drifts away from her knowing that.
I'm really bad with relationships and I'm at a complete loss Reddit. Do I stay silent and suffer in relative silence, or do I risk finding out something I don't want to know in an attempt to win her? | meeting best friend who says she doesn't want me back. Do I try to find out why and risk friendship for love? |
t3_2cfnxo | relationships | My (23M) girlfriend (23F) says I don't spend enough time with her family. | Okay so I'll start off by saying that my girlfriend of one year is Hispanic and is very very close with her family. Her and I live with her family; she is staying at home while she finishes law school, and I had to move in because of a bad situation with my drug - dealer roommate. Her mother took me in with open arms, which is apparently a big deal for her because she's very protective of my girlfriend. She offered me a sweet deal of paying $150 for rent a month and she would let me live here rent free if I go to school.
On to the problem: I usually work mid day shifts (like 2-10pm) and I'm full time so I'm gone from home a lot. I sleep in until I have to go to work, and when I get off I come home and go to our room and chill with my girlfriend. We've gotten into a lot fights because she accuses me of being lazy and sleeping in all the time, she says I'm being rude by not spending time with her family, and she calls me ungrateful. Look, I'm just not used to this family dynamic; my family is NOT close, I see them about once a month. Her family is so close, they have barbecues every weekend and celebrations are a big deal. I'm just not used to this closeness...it makes me uncomfortable. Am I wrong here? I feel like she expects me to hurry up and get used to her family! | I work a lot, my girlfriend says I am lazy and don't spend enough time with her family. Who's right here? |
t3_3emskm | relationships | Me [16 M] is having troubles with internal feelings with my friend[16 F] | **I would like to begin with I know that i'm 16, and that I am not gonna find my soulmate this young, I just want help with what I am feeling currently**
So I have had very strong feelings for this girl for awhile (almost a year, sad I know) and I know she doesn't like me, and I hurts me to know that she doesn't. We are still friends, and me not being friends is not an option (Not obsessed, it's just we are close friends and I can't just leave). I know that getting over her would be good for me, but for some reason, I don't want to. I don't know why I feel like this, I am kinda afraid for when I do eventually get over her for some reason.
Is this abnormal? Or have you folks experienced/seen this before in others? I don't want advice on how to deal with my feelings, just if this is some weird thing I have, or if it's common. | Strong feelings for friend, I know she doesn't like me, don't want to get over her. (Makes more sense kinda if you read the main parapgraph( |
t3_1nx2h9 | relationship_advice | Can he [41m] learn to be more patient, or do I [39f] just need to work on thickening my skin? | My husband and I have a generally good relationship - he's wonderful in almost every way that counts. I'll ask you to take my word for that rather than making me justify why despite what follows, I still think he's a good guy.
My one complaint is that he has a serious lack of patience when it comes to the day-to-day inconveniences in life.
I'm driving and make a wrong turn? That's a loud sigh and an eye roll.
I need to stop and root through my purse for 30 seconds because my keys have gotten lost in the depths? I get a mini-lecture about how I should always put them in one of the little pockets every time.
The restaurant we're going to is closed when we expected it to be open? He can't just say "oh, well, bummer" and pick another place. There's a rant about how stupid and idiotic the restaurant is for not being open for Sunday lunch.
And there are a lot of little things like that in life. It really gets to me. He huffs and he puffs and I feel like he's going to blow my house down. Death by paper cut. I find myself dreading letting him know if I've made a little mistake or if something hasn't gone according to plan. And...I hate to put this into words but...it's making me love him less. :(
On the bright side, he's fundamentally sweet and I feel like he'd be willing to try to work on this if I told him I needed him to do that to be happier in this marriage.
But my questions are: is it even possible for him to change something like that? It seems pretty deeply ingrained. Can someone learn to go with the flow and not be impatient when little things go wrong, when this has been their natural pattern for 40 years? Will trying to change just be an exercise in futility that leaves us both frustrated?
Should I just try to somehow learn to not let this get to me? If so, any tips on how to do that? | Husband is Mr. Cranky Pants at every little thing that goes awry. Is that a changeable thing or should I just try to adapt and tune it out? |
t3_1glnoq | dating_advice | I (21 M) went on a two nice dates with her (20 F), but not sure what she wants | Met online, both wanted to hang out and meet before she left for spain next week. She'll be coming back mid-august. Found out she was going to be at her gmas for a week via public transportation. Found out my roommate was going to the same town during that week (which is a 3 hour drive). Hung out a couple days ago at a nature trail, had a good time, but it closed early and because neither of us drove, she got dropped off by her gparents and me by my roommate; we had to part ways. We hung out for like 8 hours last night and had really good conversation and eye contact and hand holding, but neither of us felt comfortable because we were at her gmas. We went on a walk and smoked, but when I was walking her to her apartment door, my roommate came to pick me up and was standing outside waiting for me. Which made her uncomfortable.
We really connect and had no trouble keeping conversation going. But it would be really nice to know where her head is at. I'm not sure if I should wait until she gets back to pick things back up again or talk about it via messaging or skype. | Both of us were really shy, because grandparents place made things weird. I don't know how interested she is in me. |
t3_hvyz1 | AskReddit | Do you Consider Childhood Obesity as Child Abuse? | Obviously I'm not the first person to suggest something like this, if you do a basic search online you'll find multitudes of articles exploring this very idea, which raises the question as to what the Reddit community thinks. Are parents who allow their children to eat poorly and become obese abusing their children? Should these parents be punished under law for what they are doing? Should these parents lose their children for what they are doing to them? I'm curious to your opinions. I've been looking through various articles and blogs discussing the issue and I found this rather interesting.
"According to the American Obesity Association, obesity among children and teens is beginning to reach epidemic levels, as some 30% of children and teens are overweight and 15% are obese. The frightening facts about child obesity is that it most often is not something that children 'grow out of', as those children who are overweight, with at least one overweight parent, are 80% more likely to be overweight as adults according to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.
Childhood obesity affects children on a multitude of levels, both emotionally and physically. Children who are obese are often plagued low self-esteem and a poor self-image, they are also at a greater risk for asthma, Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and bone and cartilage damage. However while these risks are of grave concern in the overall welfare of the child, are they the result of abuse or neglect?"
So what's your opinion on the matter? | The quote takes up a lot of space making for a big block of text, you don't have to read it just give your opinion on the topic. What do you think needs to be done? |
t3_3a23vl | relationships | [17m] I feel used by a girl [17F] that I was hooking up with. | I had a huge crush on this girl last year, that died down since I didn't make a move and lost interest. We've kept in contact since, and I've always considered her to be a friend. About a month and a half ago, I met her through a school function and we started talking again. We hooked up after prom (we didn't go together), and started hanging out and hooking up a couple of times a week. I realized that I still liked her, and I wanted to date her. She was initially hesitant to the idea of dating but she seemed to be open to the idea after a bit.
About a week ago, she stopped responding to my texts. Went radio silent for 8 days. Last night, she texted me and said that she wanted to end things. Her initial reason was that she thought I was clingy, but I didn't believe that was the whole story so I pried a bit and she eventually
opened up.
Basically, she claims that she never even liked me as a friend and she only tolerated hanging out with me because she thought I was hot and wanted people at school to know that she had hooked up with me. She ended things because she said that pretending to be my friend was really tiring.
I feel sick to my stomach. I feel incredibly used and I don't know how to handle this. I really liked this girl, and it turns out that she didn't even think of me as a friend? She was just faking that all along?
How should I respond to this? how should I handle it? Just forget about it and move on? | girl claims that she pretended to be my friend to hook up with me because she thought I was attractive and wanted her friends to know that she had sex with me |
t3_38vpkj | relationships | I [25 M] told girlfriend [22 F]of ~3 yrs I didn't mean it the first time we said "I love you". | We were talking about the first time we said "The words" to each other and about how she really knew she meant it back then (which was after about 3-4 months of dating). Then when she asks me if I meant it, I told her I didn't. I was telling the truth. I didn't mean it back then, though I cared for her deeply. To this day I don't know why I said those words to her, but since then I really have grown to love her and want to ask her to marry me someday.
Naturally, she is now very upset. The relationship has been rocky in the past. Almost entirely because of things that I have done. Though things have even been better recently than they have been in the past. I've never been in love with anyone else... but every time I try to explain that I DO love her and will love her now it just makes things worse.
Its like she doesn't trust me now. I will tell her I love her and get no response and it hurts a lot. Reddit, help me find a way to make this better because I'm sick of fucking up a really good thing. | We said "I love you", 3 years later I say I didn't mean it back then. Now I really do love her, but she is still hurt. Help! |
t3_4htn8b | Advice | Somebody got a promotion by stealing my work. Should I call him out? | Same old story. Guy steals your work and present it as his while you werent looking, you confront him but cannot make a big deal at organisational level because I could have come out as problematic.
Basically, the guy is an idiot who has no idea of what he was doing and got a job I have been looking to get for the last 3 years.
On the announcement they stated that John Doe was instrumental in developing Coca Cola in the US. I'm responsible for the US and this guy has an indirect responsibility there but he is an idiot: I know it, he knows it and I thought everybody else did.
Want to call them out on this but it would look bad on me. Besides from looking for another job. I just want to send an e-mail to him and my boss saying: "I just read the announcement in detail, seems like you had some great achievements in the market, we will sorely miss you!" | guy stole my work and got a promotion. Want to call him out via a very positive but passive aggressive e-mail. |
t3_upznb | relationships | Reddit, the love of my life doesn't respect me. HELP! | Reddit help!
I (22/M) have been dating this girl for 8 months today. I met her (19/f) in October and we hit it off perfectly. Anyone I have dated, I get pretty sick of within a few weeks. There is just always something wrong. Except this girl, everything was going awesome.
I even (possibly a very bad move) transferred Universities to go to the same school as her. I how ever had no ties to my previous University and had several friends at the new one.
We did everything together for months and never had a single issue. Until a month ago, semester ends, we go back to our home town (same town) and suddenly she doesn't "know what she wants" she "needs time and space" So I give it to her. Everyone around me keeps telling me to run, that means she just wants to go hook up with other guys. Is that true? She swears she doesn't and hasn't been with other guys.
A month later she says she wants me back but not make anything official yet.
I found out her parents have basically been brainwashing her and telling her that she doesn't need a boyfriend now.
If you cant tell by the terrible formatting of my FIRST Reddit post, I so freaking lost and confused and heartbroken.
Should I try to make this work? Should I turn tail and run from this crazy mess? HELP!
p.s. she is a fellow Redditor | 7 months of a "perfect" relationship, suddenly she needs "space" and I can't give her up. Help. |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.