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t3_1m8fv4 | relationship_advice | Am I [18/m] taking it too far when screwing over my ex [18/f]? | We're both 18 college freshmen. We were together for 4-5 months (something like that). She was the greatest girl I'd ever been with and to this day I'm ashamed to say I'd take her back even though the feelings aren't really there anymore.
Anyway, at the end she basically just fucked me over. Just ended it and then bitched at me because I didn't want to be "just friends" after breaking up. She goes on to date some complete queer about a month later (I know, I know) and is still dating him now (it's been about three months). Anyway, she is pissed at me because I just ignore her and don't forgive her for her shit, and well, you can tell why I hate her.
Even though this will sound braggy, my dad basically runs the medical field in our pretty large city. He's the top dog. I've gotten her family many many medical favors when we were together. Apparently her new BF tore his MCL. Well he needs an MRI and they are booked up for like two months or something ridiculous. His next best option is to go over an hour away for one. Well she called me a few days ago being all sweet and asked me if I could get him in to one of the MRI imagining locations within the next week (which is completely possible with my dad's override) and I told her no. She calls back again the next two days and I tell her no again both times as her begging got worse.
Even though I could get him in today if I wanted, I refuse to do her favors after the shit she pulled to end it and has acted since. I'm not denying him medical care, I'm just not helping him beat the system like she knows I could do.
Am I taking it too far or am I okay for not doing that bitch a favor?
Thanks. | Bitch ex-GF wants me to get her new BF into a doctors office that is all booked up. I refuse even though I can. Am I taking my hatred too far? |
t3_4e52ej | relationships | My [M,21]best friends [F,20] boyfriend cheated on her and she isn't returning my calls or texts | Back story: My best friend went through a terrible break up around September with her boyfriend of 2 years. We talked maybe once from then until Christmas time (she was depressed and in a terrible state) Around September, she met a (supposedly) great guy and they dated until about 2 weeks ago. He cheated on her and she promised to tell me everything later that night on the phone. I haven't heard from her since, and I think she's terribly depressed now. I've tried contacting her many times but I don't think I'll hear from her for a while. We also both live in different cities since I moved for college (although I'll be back home in less than two weeks).
She knows she can call me and talk to me about anything but she just doesn't and whenever she says something like " I'll call you later or text you later!", she never has once since I've known her
Basically, what can I do to be supportive and help her? Should I just wait for her to contact me, even though I know it won't be for a long time? | best friend has had a shitty year with two relationships and I believe she is depressed and she won't answer me back. How can I help? |
t3_1renit | relationship_advice | [24/m] My girlfriend (24/f) suddenly wants to move out | Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My girlfriend of 2 years, 1.5 of which we've spent living together, suddenly wants to move out and live with a (female) friend of hers.
Her motivation is that I work too much (I kind of do) and me being tired somehow steals her energy. She wants to "find herself" and "get back on her feet". She says she still loves me just as much, but needs her place.
The back story is that the reason I work so much is, besides career advancement, to pay bills. Her salary is much, much smaller than mine and would barely allow her to have any money left if she were to pay half of the rent and utilities. That's why I never asked her (nor at least hinted) to pay for anything.
I earn a good wage and she sees this as me ignoring her for work. The issue is (and I've told her that) in my field of work there is not a lot of middle ground. Either you work hard and get paid good or you sit on your ass and get paid peanuts.
I feel betrayed by her. I had plans of us emigrating and building a life together which I discussed and she was mostly enthusiastic. Now I find out I can't trust her to stay with me.
My first thought was breakup. Either she wants that and is too shy/scared/whatever to tell me or she has someone else and wants to continue our relationship with someone on the side. I find it very hard to believe that I am stealing her "energy", when she has more free time than me and I never said anything when she went out without me.
Am I missing something? | Living with gf for 1.5 years, now she wants to break up because I work too much and steal her energy. |
t3_2bl8ad | tifu | TIFU by accidentally comparing my Jewish boss to a Holocaust refugee... | So, I'm an assistant for this doctor who is super down-to-earth. He geeks out hardcore over the same things I do, we share a lot of similar interests/views, and it's really easy to just start having a conversation with him and end up chatting for the better part of an hour.
Anyways, we were talking today about the differences in tax laws in different states--sales tax vs income tax, etc etc, pretty mundane stuff. I said someday I would probably return to my home state (Oregon), but not the city where I grew up. He laughed and said he has friends in Vancouver, Washington who have promised to "sponsor" him if he ever wants to (in his words) immigrate. I laughed and made a joke about them hiding him under a tarp in their truck to sneak him into Washington, and made a comment about using that stuff they doused handkerchiefs with to confuse the dogs when the Jews were escaping Germany. A bit off-color, but I was just picturing this intelligent, well-spoken, clean-cut guy sneaking into the Pacific Northwest, and totally wasn't even thinking about the fact that he was, in fact, Jewish.
He laughed it off and made some comment about "these aren't the droids you're looking for," and it wasn't until after I left his office that the horrific realization hit me. Now I don't know if I should apologize, or just pretend like it never happened. | My boss is Jewish, I made a joke about him sneaking to the Pacific Northwest like a Jew escaping Germany in the 1940's. |
t3_43w9a5 | relationships | I [26F] accidentally really hurt my boyfriend's [26M] feelings | Chris and I have been dating for 2.5 years. We are deeply in love and have a great relationship. It's the most mature and communicative relationship I have ever been in and I couldn't be happier.
I accidentally said something stupid when I was out with him and our friends, though, and I have seriously hurt him. I don't know how to fix it or how to make him understand what I really meant.
My friends and I were talking in general about dating, romance, marriage, etc. My friend Catherine was telling us that all the women in her family have given her the same advice about love (and they all are in amazing relationships): "Don't marry the guy that you're crazy about."
The gist of it was that you don't want to marry the guy who you are crazy about, who you think about all the time, who you obsess over. Don't marry the guy that excites you, who leaves you feeling nothing but passion.
I vehemently agreed with that advice. I said that I'd been in relationships with that crazy, exciting, sweep-you-off-your-feet-the-instant-you-meet-him guy. And once the excitement and passion wears off, there's nothing much there. I ended up in a very tumultuous and dramatic relationship with not much substance. Catching feelings so intensely also left me very hurt and insecure.
Things got sour when Chris and I got hime. He asked me, "I don't excite you?" He then told me that I WAS that person to him, except that underneath the passion there WAS substance. He asked me if I was just settling for him because I already had my adventures. He said to him, this relationship WAS a crazy adventure.
I tried to explain myself again but it didn't work, and I need advice on what to do. Chris is hands down the best relationship I've ever been in, and I want to marry him (I've told him both those things). | I was talking to my friends about how it's bad to marry the guy who you are obsessive and crazy about. My boyfriend took this as an insult to him, saying that I must be settling for him. |
t3_1lyu4c | relationship_advice | I [22/F] have mixed feelings for my friend [29/M]. He likes me and I'm unsure as to whether I return his feelings. | I've known him for 3 years and we have been very good friends for about 1 of those years. About a month ago he told me he liked me as more than a friend. I said I didn't share his feelings and we carried on being friends. However now my feelings are starting to change. I've gone from being certain that I felt nothing more than friendship for him to being very confused. What do I do? Do I tell him or do I wait? Sometimes I feel like we would be perfect together and other times I feel like it would be a mistake.
My other concern is that I have intimacy and rejection issues. I don't know whether my hesitance is due to genuine confusion of feelings or whether I'm letting my fears get the better of me. I'm terrified that I'll tell him that I share his feelings but then find out I don't, or have fear take over and back off. I don't want to hurt him. But I also don't really want to sit in silence in case he moves on and I regret missing my chance. | Conflicting feelings over whether I like my friend as more than a friend. I have no idea whether I should tell him how I feel or wait until I'm more certain. Only concern is what if I'm NEVER more certain. |
t3_21a9p2 | relationships | Been dating my (26/M girlfriend (27/F) for 5 weeks but she won't ever let me visit her (1.5 hours away) | Went on our first date about 5 weeks ago (we're now exclusive). We get along great. She lives about 1.5 hours away, so we see each other about twice a week, in general, usually on Wednesday and Saturday/Sunday. I visited her once, about 3 weeks ago, but other than that first visit, she insists on coming to my city every time. She claims it's because "there's not much to do there" or "her house isn't clean." But I'm familiar with the area where she lives, and there's just as much to do there (it's a college town) as there is in my city. Moreover, her house is cleaner than most. I asked again, today, when I can finally visit her again, and she said "when it's warmer..." Very non-committal. What gives? Does her excuse seem like a legitimate one? Should I be concerned? It just seems... Odd. | Girlfriend very reluctant for me to visit her. She's "let" me visit her once over a span of 5 weeks, but she's visited me about a dozen times. |
t3_f56ml | relationship_advice | She wants anal but I am ... grossed out | In a previous relationship I tried anal once and it ended with poop on my dick. New girlfriend really likes it but I am grossed out by it. She assures me that if it's "messy" then you're doing it wrong, but... unbeknownst to her (I think) when I get her off through manual anal stimulation I often end up with a brown finger. Now I'm not necessarily a squeamish guy, but it's enough of a turn-off that I lose my erection every time the thought of anal even enters my mind. She is getting disappointed and frustrated I think.
So what do I do? I don't want to embarrass her, but if we're ever going to try anal (which I'd like to, in the abstract) then I think we need to figure this out. | she wants anal, but there's poop in there and it gets on my fingers; lose my erection. If she knew about the mess she'd be petrified & embarrassed. What do i do? |
t3_4x8zwg | relationships | Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [20M] of 6 months, how to I reassure him that my past relationship doesn't affect our present? | Hello! This is my first time posting here, apologies for errors :)
I met my boyfriend Ben at college and we have been friends for nearly 2 years, dating for 6 months. during our first year of friendship, I was in a long distance relationship with Dave [20M] from high school, who was rather physically abusive and ended up cheating on me multiple times during our long distance. I broke it off with him when I found out, and haven't seen him for about a year.
My relationship with Ben is so different. He has many amazing qualities which I won't dive into, but most importantly he respects me as a person and loves me for my personality rather than for physical pleasure, which is something I never felt with Dave. Ben does know about my past with Dave and has supported me through my emotional breakdowns about it.
Which brings me to now. Ben and I are on opposite sides of the planet over the summer, and currently I am back home. I was hanging out with my old high school group of friends when I finally saw Dave again. Seeing him again in a non-romantic perspective has given me the final closure I needed, and I feel like I have finally put everything in the past. I got the closure I needed in the "wow he really is a jerk, and it wasn't all just in my head" way rather than the "I had lingering feelings for him and now they are gone" way, if that makes any sense.
I mentioned this encounter and my "closure" thoughts to Ben, and he was very happy and supportive for me, but did mention how he was a little worried about the fact that I still needed this closure even when I was dating Ben. He told me he feels a little weird about it and understands that me completely moving forward now is great, but still isn't sure how he feels all of this.
How can I reassure him that I never had any feelings for Dave when I was dating Ben, that this closure doesn't affect my feelings for Ben, and that I'm moving in a forward direction with the past behind me? | Saw my abusive ex, realized he really is a jerk and I've moved on, current boyfriend concerned about my need for closure and how this affects our relationship |
t3_25sko8 | relationships | Me a Christian [21 F] with my Muslim [27 M] boyfriend have been together 7 months but are we doomed to fail? | My Boyfriend and I love each other very much and our relationship has been, from what I can tell, relatively standard I.e we have our ups and downs.
He is a Muslim, does not drink, prays 5 times a day, reads the Quran, goes to a Mosque, you name it! I have a great deal of respect for him and his religion but I am and always will be a Christian. We both owe a lot of who we are today to our faiths.
This difference between us doesn't seem to phase him when I bring it up but I'm worried that this is only because we haven't been dating that long. I have already stopped drinking and eating pork as a courtesy to him (by this I mean if I'm with him or will be seeing him within the next 24 hours).
What I'm after is some other peoples experiences of being in a relationship with someone who's religion is different. Are there any success stories out there? My very Christian friends are highly against the whole thing and say that it will never work. I don't know how many church messages I've heard about how important it is to find 'a Christian partner'.
Is it this kind of negativity that ultimately leads to the demise of a partnership? Or should I be worried that problems will arise in the future.
Part of me thinks 'fuck everyone and their negative opinions' but what if we decide to have kids in the future? How will we raise them? Obviously they will grow up one day and make their own decision but I have no idea what would happen until then. | Am I wasting my time dating a Muslim when I am Christian? Personal experiences, true stories and advice pertaining to couples with different religions (negative and positive) needed! |
t3_m31x9 | AskReddit | Reddit, why do I have so much trouble in planning my future? Might you lend me assistance? | I've had a hard time finally making this post because it is kind of unclear, presumptuous and needy, but I have faith in reddit to help me out.
Why do I have so much trouble planning my future? Specifically, planning for college. There are people around me eager to help me, but for some reason I hate talking about what needs to be done. Even when I talk to other peers I start to get a bit spikey and I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Maybe if someone could tell me why they think I am avoiding these important things, andor relate their own experiences of avoidance and final triumph to me, it might help. I'm not being very biguous, so really any advice/success story would be appreciated.
I tried to see if anyone had posted anything like this before, but I couldn't find anything from searching. If however there is already a subreddit/post about this sort of stuff, feel free to direct me to it. | how should one decide on a college/career path, how should one break out of the doldrums and start caring about the future, etc.? Any help would be appreciated, thank you. |
t3_1o7gfb | relationship_advice | Does he (30m) really care? | Hi. I gave this a lot of thought before posting.
My boyfriend (30m) and I (28f) have been together for 3 years. We've had our usual ups and downs and in general I've been happy with our relationship, except for one thing.
This thing is that whenever we see each other, I'm the one to always go to his house. We live half an hour away of each other and I'm the one with a car, so I'm always the one who drives to his house.
I've asked him several times to visit me, but he never does. He says he will and then doesn't.
He always expects me to be the one who moves her butt to go see him. Whenever I'm busy we just stop seeing each other because he doesn't come over here. Doesn't matter if it's for 1 or 2 weeks.
He has been having depression issues (currently being under treatment) so I'm not sure if I should be bothered by his lack of action. In our 3 years together he's visited me maybe 4 times.
I've tried talking to him about this, but he says he will visit me, then nothing happens. I can't push for an honest answer because he is a very reserved person, the more I push the less he says.
Can you advice me in this regard?
Excuse my crappy english. | Boyfriend never moves his ass to come see me. What should I do? I confront him, he says he will come over, then doesn't. |
t3_2ghijv | legaladvice | Water damage in an apartment, GA | Let me just say, this is a house (not an apartment) nothing has happened yet, and none of my property was damaged, but the air conditioning unit in my house started leaking from the side. It is inside and is in contact with the inside of the house. I didn't realize that this was happening until it looks like the wall and a small part of the base board were damaged.
As soon as I realized there was I problem I notified the landlord who promptly sent someone out to repair the heating/air, but because they are not here (they live out of state), and I know nothing about water damage, there is no way of telling how much money it is going to cost to get this repaired. I feel foolish because I never checked, but have never really had anything like this happen before. I also feel bad because I feel like I should have known this was happening.
We have 8 more months on the lease, and I have no problems staying here, but I was wondering if when we move out, if I could be held liable for the water damage? The damage was caused by a pipe being blocked up with crap and the pan overflowing. The man who came to unblock the pipe said that really these things should be maintained each year to prevent such things. | As a tenant can I be held liable for water damage that was caused by a backed up pipe that I didn't know was backed up? Is it negligent for me to not have known there was an issue? |
t3_3yea1n | relationships | Am I [F18] justified in wanting to leave my boyfriend [M19] over this? | We've been together for about two and a half years, but now I'm reconsidering whether or not we should keep going. I was ridiculously high a few nights ago, and asked him to come get me so we could hang out. I warn him that I can't interact with his family, I was entirely too high to do that. However, I still have to go say hi to his mom and niece, all while I can hardly function, and the cringe factor is astronomical. I walk upstairs with him super embarrassed, wishing he would have let me just run to his room or helped me out at all. By the time we get there, his sister is sleeping on a mattress on the other side of the room (which he didn't say anything about), so we sneak over to his bed to watch netflix. I sorta start dozing off at this point, but wake up when his hands start to feel me up under my clothes. I shake my head saying no and push his hands away because it's all I can really manage to do being that high. He keeps trying and grabbing me while I'm pushing him off, especially since his fucking family is asleep on the other side. Eventually he relents but I'm pissed off at this point, I get that he can hardly keep his hands off me, but felt really disrespected since he's tried to coax sex like that before, albeit while I was sober. I'm pretty pissed at him right now, and I'm wondering if I should have to put up with all his bullshit. I doubt he even knows how bad he fucked up, or why I'm so angry at him. | my boyfriend let me embarrass myself being too high in front of his family, then got sexually aggressive when I wasn't down for it. How should I proceed? |
t3_2hjcbb | relationships | 25f with a 24m SO of around two years. I met someone else, and I'm driving myself crazy. | Ive been with my SO, we'll call him Rob, for a little over two years, and things have seemingly been fantastic between the two of us for that entire time. We've been living together for a lot of that time, and its been the best experience of living with another person I've had. Although, we have spent a great deal of time with one another, and thats not something I'm used to or necessarily wanting at this point.
So I work a seasonal job during this part of the year, and have for quite sometime. I met someone there, we'll call him Jack, and he absolutely took my breath away after talking with him for only about 5 minutes or so. We work together pretty often, so I see him quite a bit, but even when were not working together, I cant get him out of my head. I've known him for little over a month, but have developed quite the infatuation.
I didnt ask for this! I have been happy with Rob, and he loves me unconditionally, but it feels like he loves me more than I love him and I cant help but think that it isnt fair that way. I think I need to end things with him, but I dont want him to think that I'm leaving him for Jack because I'm not. Jack only helped me realize a lot of things that I wasnt happy with.
I know this post isnt very detailed, but my mind is constantly racing, its hard to form a coherent sentence and I need help. Feel free to ask any questions you have, and please, any and all advice is so appreciated. How do I tell any of this to Rob, without him feeling like he did something wrong or that I don't care for him? | I think I fell out of love with SO after meeting someone else, not sure on if I should end it, how I should end it, or why. Please, help me! |
t3_168atm | relationship_advice | [20/f] Friends with Benefits [21/M] | So I've been fooling around with this guy for 2 months. He's made it clear that he's not having sex with anyone else. I've made it clear I'm not looking for anything else. He's said multiple, multiple times that he doesn't like putting "labels" on things and never makes it clear if we're together. He's also admitted he has commitment issues. We text constantly and talk on the phone most nights. I would like to have a clear cut "label" just so that I know where we stand. I'm just curious how I should go about saying this without scaring him off. I can be a bit too blunt. | Guy and I are having sex. No clear relationship status. Wondering how to make it clear that /I/ want a relationship. |
t3_3ftz3a | relationships | Am I [22 M] being unreasonable with my girlfriend [22 F] of 3 years? | My girlfriend has always been very academic. She graduated with honors at high school and is about to complete her bachelors degree in business. Her parents own a pretty successful company that she plans to take over in the next decade. She's also very beautiful.
I scraped past my senior year but never had plans to go to college. I am a builder though and work hard at my trade, but I still don't know where I want to go in the future.
My girlfriend was offered an exchange through college which I begged her not to go to. I didn't really understand why she'd want to leave me here and study elsewhere as it seems like something only single people would want to do. I cried a bit at the thought of her going away for 6 months. She didn't end up going.
Now she's almost done with college she wants to apply for internships. She says we live in a pretty small city and business internships aren't offered much here. She badly wants to intern in a different state or country.. for the life experience she says. I don't understand why she wants to do this when she can remain at her parents business until she can own it. I don't want to move anywhere and if I go overseas I don't want to have to work like she wants to.
Am I unreasonable if I ask her to stay in our city and find experience here? | My girlfriend has almost finished her degree and wants to work overseas or interstate, knowing fully well that I don't want to do either of those things. Would it be unreasonable to get upset and ask her to stay? |
t3_30u2ih | relationships | I [17/M] told a friend [17/F] that I still like her as more than a friend. She won't talk to me. I feel like there is a hole in my life. What can I do? | International student in an international school, so we have a relatively small sized bubble of people who are in the same boat, foreign people, in a foreign country.
When I joined, 14yo, I slowly became acquainted with this girl. In more recent times, we've gotten very close. We confide in each other, secrets we wouldn't dare tell even our parents. We have separate classes, so the last couple years we see each other occasionally in school and on Friday nights out to the town. Our frequent medium of conversation outside school is Facebook.
Having been good friends for nearly a year, I knew how I felt about her, and told her on a drunken/high night out. (Not a great thing, I know) We spoke about it, she said she didn't feel the same way. One night of sitting and thinking, I found peace and we stayed friends.
Fast forward another year. We're closer than ever, nearing the end of senior year, and I've fallen for her again. I keep it under wraps for a few weeks, hoping the feeling dies away. It doesn't. I really can't live like this, so I tell her I haven't gotten over her. She refuses to message/text me back. We're currently on a school break, so the internet medium is the only feasible method, and seeing her in person is pretty unlikely.
We spoke most days, all day, and now that has just stopped, completely. I waited a few days before messaging her, but she still won't reply. What do I do? I'm not sure I could stand losing this friend. | Told my good friend I still like her and haven't gotten over her. She won't message me back. There is a hole in my heart and I don't know how to move forward. |
t3_25tmoc | legaladvice | Lawyer asking me to send him money in mail, no contract signing (long post) | Hey guys/gals,
You guys have clarified somethings for me before and wanted to thank you for that. Just need a few more points clarified so I do not screw myself over. I have my two other posts links' at the bottom of this post but they are not really relevant to this.
The lawyer I had previously gone to, who I gave $250 for a consultation and to appear on my behalf at court had the charges dismissed. He sent me a letter and when I called he was like I would not need to worry about this again. Two months later the D.A. changed their mind and filed charges. I called him and asked what that was about and he was pretty much said "Too bad, I can recommend a lawyer". (That was my first post here).
I turned myself in, got a court date and gave him a call just to see if he could at least figure out why the charges had been filed after he said the D.A. would not. He said they just had and offered to appear on my behalf for $1500 (asked for $2500 first, I could not afford that), and said I should mail him the check and all the paperwork. Two days after that conversation, I get a call from him saying he had not received the money and what was going on.
I just want to know if this is how things are done. In my previous post, people were asking about what kind of contract we had signed and such, but there has been no talk of signing anything, AT ALL, and his phone call about not receiving the money leaves me feeling like he is going to screw me over again. | Charges refiled, lawyer who supposedly got charges dropped said he would appear on my behalf asking to mail him money, no contract signed |
t3_42v1ep | relationships | My [23/M] grandpa [??/M] is on his deathbed. We weren't too close. I have a chance to talk to him over the phone before he passes, and don't know what to say. | My grandfather and I live in separate countries. The only time we were close was when I lived with him for about eight months when I was three. I don't remember any of it. Other than that, we've seen each other maybe once every three years during family reunions. Every phone call I've had with him in the past was kind of awkward since I don't speak his native language too well, and don't have much to talk about other than small-talk.I don't dislike him, but I barely know much about him other than he really enjoyed booze and women (I remember finding alcohol and porn stashes in his apartment.)
We have no ill feelings between each other. It's just kind of neutral, and neither of us ever made much effort to contact one another. My mother, which is currently by his side, has told me I have the chance to talk to him over the phone one last time before he passes.
I have no idea what to say... I don't want to be a downer during his last moments and say sad things like "we'll miss you", etc. I'm not sure if it's in proper taste to say something comical so he has a few laughs at least. Something like wishing him to meet many beautiful women in his afterlife? (On that note, I don't even know if he believes in an afterlife) I'm at a loss here. Any advice is appreciated. | Grandfather is dying. We were never too close and I don't know much about him. I have a chance to talk to him one last time over the phone before he passes, but am at a loss on what to say. |
t3_35slv3 | tifu | TIFU by asking a guy if he had just been hunting | I work at a hardware store, lots of guys come in wearing hunting and fishing gear, buy their shit really quick and leave. I was stocking some shelves and I seen a guy at the till waiting to be rung out. I should wear my glasses but I never do out in public because I feel like they make me look like a loser and I don't have contacts. I'm walking to the till, notice the guy had some face paint on and was wearing a camo jacket and pants. Trying to be friendly, I ask "Wheres the hunt today, Guy?" (We call each other Guy in Canada sometimes) as I near the till I realize he isn't wearing camo face paint but has some burns or something on his face that made it look light and dark in certain places. He sort of looked at me like "Its the way my face is you fucking idiot" and sort of laughs it off. he puts his debit card into the machine and sort of sighs and says "Yeah no hunting today buddy, sorry." I give him the receipts and he leaves. I felt like shit for the next couple minutes. | Asked a guy where he was going hunting because he was wearing camo and face paint. Turns out the face paint was an acid burn or something, couldn't see it from far away because I didn't have my glasses on. |
t3_149vfn | relationships | Trust issues [22M][23F] | Hi all,
My bf [22M] and I [23F] have been dating for around a year and a half. To put it lightly, we've had our share of problems.
One of the issues that we have had is that throughout the relationship, my bf has hid and lied about things and is never really able to keep any promises. However, now that we've identified that as one of our problems, he's trying really hard to fix this habit of his.
In order for him to re-gain my trust, I asked him to be open about his life and his activities and for him to keep his promises. I believe that only by showing me that he's trustworthy and showing me that he can keep small promises, I'll be able to trust him about bigger issues.
He has indeed been open about everything; however, he still cannot seem to keep any of his promises. Almost every day, he tells me that he's staying in for the night, he'll say that he wants to spend time with me, that he wants to be a good boyfriend...and then he'll go out with friends instead of staying in. He tells me that he'll be back home at a specific time, and then he won't be back until a whiles afterwards. He promises to get some things done while I'm at work or busy with something else, and I'll come home to him having accomplished nothing.
I have dealt with this for a while. In our 1.5 years of dating, he has probably only ever kept a handful of his promises. Up until recently, I simply accepted that this is one of his flaws, but in the last month or so, I have become more and more aggravated with this issue.
/r/ relationships, I'm at a complete loss as to what to do. Is it worth it to deal with this issue and continue in this relationship? Or is it a lost cause? | My boyfriend is attempting to re-gain my trust in him; however, he refuses to keep any promises. What to do? |
t3_1d3jtw | relationships | I [23M] am unsure about next meeting with girlfriend [23F] | We started dating 3 years ago, and somewhere halfway in between we split up for about 7 month. Other than that we have been pretty stable with the exeption of normal ups and downs.
About a month ago she complained she was not seeing me enough, and then proceeded not to make any efforts to see me. I understood she wanted to see me more often and I tried to make efforts to accommodate that, but i noticed she was putting in less and less effort to seeing me.
I brought up this fact over a week ago and then she confessed that she was "tired of putting in effort" and just not feeling it anymore. She said she wanted a break and honestly at that point I needed one too. It was pretty emotional and a couple of days later I found myself thinking maybe this relationship can't work. I admit i started mentally checking out..
Last week we arranged to meet for some beers, and that is tonight. I saw her two days ago and she kissed me and was excited for our meet up and acted as if nothing happened.
Over the years she has made a big deal out of something and then proceeded to act as if nothing happened, and I have usually gone with it.
I don't want to let this slide easily.
What mindset should I be in when meeting her tonight? She will no doubt be more than willing to patch things up without a problem, but I just haven't been able to get over the fact that she was "tired of putting in effort"!!
Thank you. | > Girlfriend said she was tired of putting effort into the relationship, asked for a break. One week later (today) I am meeting her and I am expecting her to act like there is no big deal. |
t3_s92l4 | relationships | A few questions. What's reasonable with online dating profiles once you start a new relationship? And more... | I met a girl on one of the online dating websites. We pretty much hit it off. We dated for about a month or so and during that time started exclusively dating. We recently became boyfriend and girlfriend.
I had disabled my online dating profile before that. This was mainly because I started getting messages from girls after we'd started dating exclusively and I felt bad not responding. She noticed that I had disabled my account and brought it up saying that she had changed her status to seeing someone.
I was totally fine with that. I'm not a jealous person and I figure if she's unhappy with me she wouldn't struggle finding someone else just walking down the street, so it doesn't make much difference because that could happen anytime.
This is where I'm not sure what to think. I started doing online dating at the same time as one of my best friends. We live down the street from each other and always share our experiences and what not. It's kind of fun to talk about. This is a month or so after the last paragraph.
It's become serious enough with this girl that (by her request) we're officially in a relationship on FB. My friend down the road sends me a text message saying "is your girlfriend's profile name xxxxxxx?"
And it is. I ask why and he says "Because I thought she looked familiar. It says on here she's available, looking for people to date, replies often and last logged in 3 days ago."
I don't know what to think about that. Why would she still be logging into the dating website unless she's interested in something else? If us being official on FB was a big deal to her shouldn't she at least update her online dating profile to not say "available"
I've been hurt pretty badly by the last few girls I've gotten close to and I'm terrified it'll happen again. Am I reading too much into this or is it a red flag? | Friend finds my new gf on dating website and it says she's available, responds often to messages and looking to date. She said she'd changed it to seeing someone. |
t3_2zy4hi | relationships | I [22/F] can't stand my 2 nieces [4/F], [15/F], and half-sister [44/F] Are my feelings justifiable? | To make it short: my sister is recently divorced and moved 5 min away from me. For 20 yrs, I have only seen her once a week every yr and that was it. She has a 4 yr old daughter and a 15 yr old who goes to boarding school because she is a trouble maker. My parents care for the 4 yr old since my sister is working. I put up with her during the weekdays but I just don't want family over on the weekends, especially Sunday's. Today they showed up at 8 AM and stayed for over 5 hours. Are my feelings justified? I think my sister is nice but I just don't love her like a sibling. I don't care for my nieces since they aren't that much related to me and I think the 4 yr old is extremely annoying. I go to university but it is so close so I live at home. What am I to do? | I dont love my half-sister & nieces. Never had a real relationship with my sister until last yr. Are my feelings justified? |
t3_2876hz | relationships | me [23F] with my ex [22M], as of of 2 mo ago: confused about how I feel. am I actually over him? | my ex-bf of 6 months broke up with me 2 months ago in a clean break, as there was no fighting and we both got the closure we wanted. there was some desperate, tearful pleading and complaining on my part for a few days, but otherwise we gave each other space and kept LC. we eventually transitioned to NC about a month ago. i initiated it, as i was starting to get extremely busy at work and didn't want him to distract me.......plus he was going to work in another city for a few weeks so it was the perfect time.
i felt horrible about the breakup at first and cried all the time, was unproductive at work and thought about where i might have messed up and about my bad qualities. but now it's changed and i've stopped thinking so negatively. now i think positive things about the relationship and no longer put my ex on as much of a pedestal as i had during our time together. i don't miss him or miss our time together anymore, but i do look back on it and think about it a lot in a positive way. i'm a nostalgic person.
prob is i keep wondering if he is thinking about me, if he misses me, or talks about me. i don't talk about him unless someone asks and even that is rare. i never bring him up in discussions or even look at him on social media. i know that obsessing over what HE might be thinking is unhealthy. like is he having a harder time than me? does he regret it? (even if he did i wouldn't go back to him) so i am confused! am i actually over him or not? | had a friendly breakup with ex, used to feel bad about it, not so much anymore. don't want a relationship with him anymore but can't help but think about whether he thinks of me. am i over him? |
t3_vi86m | AskReddit | whats the saddest thing you've ever had to do? | Okay, so there has been a sick raccoon wandering my roommates(parents) property for the past 5 days, just walking around during the daylight. our family dogs(a mini Yorkie and a mixed Collie and shepherd) yesterday attacked the raccoon. but, it didn't do anything except lay on its back and hiss and cry. but they stopped the fight and shooed it away. anyways, Just a little bit ago my dad had me take the .22 out and end his misery(i volunteered for the mission because, every other man in the family has killed an animal in some way, so i figured this could be my chance to show my father i am not a pussy, and plus i just wanted to shoot the gun) .... I was about 10 feet away from it, and it was just sitting next to our pond and looked up at me and we locked eyes, almost like it knew what was about to happen.... saddest fucking thing I've ever had to do in my life... then i realized i missed the first shot and couldn't aim for shit and took 5 shots total to kill it. i wanted to puke. | sick raccoon on property, takes .22 and shoots it while it locks eyes with me. took 5 shots to finally kill it. |
t3_2s00at | relationships | Me [21F] becoming friends with a girl [21F] I had a 3some with? | Throwaway because my family knows my main account and I don't want them knowing what I do sexually. Anyway, on NYE my boyfriend [26M] and I decided to go through with our little fantasy of having a threesome, so we found somebody who was willing off Tinder. (Actually, initially she wasn't interested, but we all hung out a few times and got tested and then she got excited) Anyway. We had the threesome, after having hung out a few times. It was awesome! She was really cool and we all had a good time.
She texted me the morning after it saying "Round 2 soon?" to which I agreed to and we will be doing that sometime shortly. But we've been texting often and actually have a lot in common. I really like her (not romantically, as a friend) and I would genuinely hang out with her. She had just moved to my city from somewhere abroad and didn't have any friends here, hence being on Tinder. We've been texting a lot and again nothing sexual (she is straight) but yeah. Is it weird that we would be friends? My bf thinks it's normal and probably good to have a female friend around (I am pretty introverted) Has this ever happened to anyone? | Had threesome with girl, really get along with the girl, we're becoming friends. Is that normal/weird? |
t3_4lc0ap | relationships | Me [18M] and my ex [18F] broke up just over a year ago and I'm not over her. | So me and my ex had a pretty rough break up over a year ago after a 2 year and a half relationship. Before it all happened we had spoken and she'd told me she wasn't happy and wanted to end the relationship but couldn't bring herself to do it so after a few months with no improvement I decided I'd be the bad guy and end the relationship so she could be happy.
Now she's in another relationship and as far as I'm aware happy and content even though at first the break up rendered her miserable. I however have been in a perpetual state of misery and unable to move on from her at all ever since, I've tried moving on and detaching myself but so far it hasn't worked out.
Any relationship I attempt to have fails because all I can think of when I'm with anyone is her. I'm kept up late at night and sometimes can't sleep and even get majorly lost in my thoughts of her during the day.
I've been planning this summer over a year later to ask her for coffee and tell her how I feel and ask if there's any chance we will ever be together again but I don't know whether that would be selfish of me. I'm not sure if she feels the same way but a part of me is hoping. So should I tell her upfront or considering she's happy now and with someone should I leave it and just hope I get over her someday? | Broke up with ex and regret it. Want to tell her in hopes of getting back together. Good or bad idea? |
t3_1p38eo | AskReddit | I skipped on a test and my parents just found out from a call from my teacher. Reddit what have you done to get out of similar situations? | So I skipped out on a test and after I did so I really regretted it. Even though my grade wasn't too bad with the test not being there it could of been better. But after I thought I was off the hook after a few weeks my mom got a phone call from my teacher saying that I skipped. Right now she is just trying to think of a punishment for me and all trust that I had with my teacher (the little I had) is now gone and I don't know what I should do to try to get through this. If you were in a similar situation as me please post. I just want to get through this time and I don't know what to do. Help Reddit! | I skipped a test and my teach called my mom and now she knows, what can i do to ease the situation. |
t3_2w8w0g | relationships | My boyfriend [28M] and I [19F] of 10mo are a great couple, but could be a better team. Would love any advice! | Hi Reddit! I would love it if you could share your wisdom with us.
My boyfriend and I are both Aerospace Engineering transfer students who are right in the thick of classes. In addition to both of us not having an easy major, we're extra buried with me being involved in outside activities and him processing information slower than most due to reaping the benefits of having been to Iraq with the Marines and getting to meet some of the not-so-friendly locals.
We're both barely holding on in school, but sometimes the relationship is hurtful to our studies, which we both agreed were our priorities before getting into the relationship. While it would be easy to say just break it off, we're both very happy with each other and are very willing to do what we can to stay together but still do well in school. We agree we need to work more like a team, but just don't know how. If anyone has been through something similar we'd love any advice on how to form a better team dynamic between the two of us so we can get the best of both worlds. I seriously believe that it is possible to have both, and would love and appreciate any helpful advice you can share! | bf and I are buried with schoolwork and it's causing a great deal of stress on a perfectly healthy and happy relationship. How do we better work as a team to help each other and not cause each other extra unnecessary stress? |
t3_2zjxd6 | relationships | Me [35 F] getting into dating, unsure when/how I should mention I was housebound for a decade | Starting with the backstory, I was a pretty anxious kid and around 13 my anxiety began controlling my life. I ended up dropping out of HS and became severely agoraphobic. There was a period of around 7 years where I never left my house and rarely even my room. I'm not shy or introverted however so you'd never guess this about me if we met.
I began therapy around 25 and got medicated. Today I live a normal life pretty much free of anxiety.
I keep this part of me hidden from new friends and romantic interests, not because I'm ashamed but because I don't know how to explain it.
I have a good, unique, well-paying job. People would assume I have a solid educational background but truth is getting this job was a total fluke and I just happen to be good at it. I have a GED. This is my third job ever (and previous were both retail.)
I feel like a blank page of a person. I haven't had the usual experiences. I've never been in love. I had a boyfriend for 2 years and he's my only sexual partner. I'm often told I look and seem very innocent. People are always surprised to find out my age.
I'm currently seeing a guy (27M) since a few weeks back and so far I've been able to avoid questions about my past, but I'm sure they're coming. I've no idea how to explain I suffered a mental illness and have the life experience of a teenager at 35 without scaring him off. | 35 yo woman, very limited life experience due to agoraphobia, unsure how and when to bring this up to new friends and potential boyfriends |
t3_1habf5 | dating_advice | I've posted here a few times. Still stuck on someone and I don't know how she feels about me. (M20) | To save you from looking through my history, I posted a while back after I asked this girl out.
I don't know what it is about her, but she's different from all the rest and one of the only girls I'm actually comfortable talking to, and while I don't have strong feelings for her because we're just friends, I'm pretty attracted to her.
I asked her out and she didn't say no. But she told me she's never been asked out by a guy seriously, and it was nothing against me, but she wasn't ready for dating (anyone). I told her the offer stands and it totally still does.
I asked here and everyone was like "move on, she isn't interested".
I still talk to her and its not awkward or anything, but I'm still attracted to her and I can't seem to change that. Not on a creepy level (for the record aha), she's just really cool and different from any other girls I've ever met.
I'm guessing saying anything about this to her would come off as obsessive or some shit, which I'm not, but I don't really know what to do.
What to do? | Still interested in a girl who probably isn't interested in me, but I can't seem to get over it. Maybe I should just be a hermit and forget ever meeting anyone. |
t3_10dhfk | AskReddit | Reddit, what have been your "I can't believe I just said that" work experiences? | Here's mine.
I'm a female (18) and I work at my local Gamestop. I'm only a GA (Game Advisor) so I get 1-2 or no shifts for the week which, hey, I'm thankful for after this embarrassing incident. So, a father walks in with his young son looking for DS/3DS games. As an employee you are always required to greet customers, which I did, and we struck up a conversation since his kid was taking his time looking through the game selection. After I recommended a few games for the kid we somehow got into the topic of college. I am a freshman in college so I asked him what he liked and didn't like about it and I was curious if he had taken any honors courses. He said he hated one honors course he had taken one semester because his professor had his students do a bunch of oral presentations in class. Me, I have *horrible* stage fright so I could totally relate to him. (I've come a long way, but I used to be so shy I couldn't even talk to people in my class without getting nervous. That's why I applied to Gamestop which has helped me immensely and that isn't a problem anymore. Except for presentations. Still can't do those lol).
I replied, "Oh, god. I've always hated oral. I've never been good at it and I always get so nervous."
Right after those words left my lips I immediately regretted it. Mortified, I tried to play it off but I know I was completely red with embarrassment. All I could think was "Well. Fuck." The father awkwardly and politely laughed it off, but it was clear he understood the damage. The conversation was left at that. Luckily, the kid didn't find a game so I didn't have to ring him up.
Scumbag brain. | Father walks in with his young son to Gamestop, strikes up a conversation and we talk about college. He tells me how he hates oral presentations and scumbag brain makes me say I hate oral. |
t3_n85u4 | Pets | Hi r/pets, looking for cat flea control advice... | Hi everyone,
I have three cats, one outdoor (3 years old) and two indoor (< 1 year old). I'd been using Front-line but after the infestation persisted and switched to Advantage. After applying Advantage one of my younger cats started to foam from the mouth. I called my local vet and I was reassured that this may be caused by stress rather from Advantage itself.
Of course I begun researching all the different flea control products including Advantage on the internets (for better or worse) to discover its active ingredient imidacloprid is in fact a neurotoxin.
So I was curious to know if there are any alternative remedies for flea control that are safer? I totally accept modern medicine and science etc etc but naturally like any pet owner discovering that you are administering a neurotoxin calls for a better treatment. | Flea control product Advantage contains imidacloprid a neurotoxin, any better/safer treatments out there for cats? |
t3_11w9f6 | loseit | Tracking calories on app, down 8 pounds, but leveling off / fluctuating | Male, 39, 5'-8", 179lbs. I'm not sure how much actual weight I should lose since I do strength training and I haven't measured my body fat %. One scale said that I am 24% fat. Anyway, I set a goal of 1,200 calories per day, high protein, low carbs about five weeks ago. I started at 186 and quickly dropped down to 180. My lowest point was 177.5 and rebounded up to 179 shortly after. I have been hovering between 178 and 179 since. The weekly average has been closer to 1,500 calories because Saturdays are usually high, but isn't that still low for a guy who does weightlifting 3 times per week?
I'm being patient and I know you usually lose a lot at first but it's tough to get the last few pounds off, but I still feel fat around the waist (especially love handles) and would like to trim down. I sometimes imagine liposuction going in and sucking it out, but that's not an option.
I hear conflicting information about cardio and how it wouldn't help my weight loss, that I should just continue with the weightlifting and gaining muscle. I do enjoy some cardio (spin class) and some yoga, so I want to do that again in addition to weights. I'm worried that my calories are too low, but I haven't really felt any ill effects from it yet (maybe a little tired sometimes). I don't really snack and my hunger is pretty much under control.
Should I just be patient and keep going? Is it normal to hit a plateau and fluctuate a bit for a while before starting to lose again? Should I look into fasting? | Lost weight quickly at first on average of 1,500 / day but have now settled at the same weight for a while with some fluctuations. |
t3_19bbh3 | relationships | My (f/21) trust issues are suddenly affecting my relationship with my boyfriend (m/26) | Me [F/21] dating [M/26] for 10 months (long distance). So far everything has been awesome, and I really do love him.
But one of my personal flaws is that I can't let go of negative experiences. My father cheated on my mother for the entirety of their 25 year marriage and she didn't find out until two years ago. Similarly, my ex (long term) boyfriend cheated on me for the entire time we were together and I didn't find out until we broke up.
I am not afraid of being cheated on. But I am deathly afraid of being cheated on, and not being aware of it.
It makes me crazy, so much so that I was suspicious of any man who even showed interest in me. Then I met my current boyfriend, and I have no idea why, but I just felt like I could trust him. So we started dating and the rest was history.
But last night he went out with two of his cousins and they stayed out the entire night at various bars. Its not unusual for him to stay out all night (but usually its at a friends' house/party). At the end of the night, I told him that I was feeling a little bit jealous (he can also be jealous sometimes, and we are always open about our feelings). He responds with something like 'I know baby, and I would feel the same way!' Not exactly reassuring. But not horrible either (especially considering he was probably pretty drunk). He says he'll wait ten minutes for me to call him but he ends of falling asleep.
And now I'm going nuts. Its the same feelings I had before I met him. I have no reason not to trust him, but suddenly I'm second guessing myself. And know deep down that he hasn't done anything and that I'm overreacting, but these feelings are so real :/ how can I deal with this? | I'm afraid of being cheated on and not finding out. My boyfriend spent the night out. Now I'm going crazy, for no apparent reason. |
t3_36t59k | relationships | My Mom [42 F] is cheating on my Dad[44 M] what do i do | First i would like to explain that i'm a teenager, and this account is a throwaway because my friends know my other account.
So after my mom went on this trip with her job she's started acting differently. Sort of distant, and i didn't get it. She usually was really energetic and involved. After a short amount of time she started acting normal, but she started using headphones when she was on the phone talking to someone. After a while i realized its only just one person, for privacy sake ill call him Jim. When she talked to him she always laughed and giggled and ignored me.
When i had the chance i took a look at her phones call history and i found out Jim's name, and i also found a series of text messages that hinted at her love for him. "Good morning Love", "Love you", "I'm coming to see you", and i put times in place to find out exactly when she met him. Yesterday when she was out till like 11P.M. I don't think my dad knows this much but he probably has an idea. He's seemed really... broken lately. Everything feels like its falling apart and i'm really pissed off.
So please reddit, tell me what do i do? I love them both, i don't want them to get a divorce. | Mom's in love and possibly has a relationship with some other dude. Dad may not know. What do i do as the child? |
t3_4w4msx | relationships | My [25F] dad [57M] is trying to push my step-mom [48F] and I into a "mom-daughter" relationship, but it's just not happening, and I don't know how to get him to stop. | Every few months my Dad gets on this kick where he tries really, really hard to push his wife and myself together. I think he has this happy mother-daughter bond in his mind. She had three kids before they were married, and he has a great relationship with them. The three kids lived with them when they were growing up (I lived with my mom), and I think that because my dad was always around he became a father-figure to them. However, her and I just don't have that same bond. They have been married since I was 12, and I know for a fact it will never happen.
For one, we are simply incompatible. She enjoys socializing, having a drink, partying, generally being a social butterfly. I am solitary, I don't like drinking, and I don't like being in groups. Two, I have a mom already that I have a great relationship with, and I don't feel that bond with my step-mom like I do with my mom. Three, my Dad has told me in the past about how my step-mom talks badly about me, and that doesn't do this whole "relationship" any favors.
Regardless of all this my Dad gets in these moods where he randomly tells me we need to be closer, that she is my step-mom and we should talk more. I should call his house just to talk to her sometimes. Frankly I understand where he's coming from, I do, but I just can't have that kind of relationship with my step-mom. She is a nice person, and we are polite to each other, but that's about as far as it goes.
How do I have a final conversation with my Dad to tell him this just isn't happening? I am tired of these awkward phone conversations with my step-mom every few months because my Dad gets on her case about "bonding with my daughter", and he guilts me into the same thing. I want to make him happy, but he needs to understand his wife and his daughter are quite alright with what our relationship is now. | Dad consistently tries to push step-mom and I together, wants us to create some sort of mom-daughter bond. It's just not happening, we have almost nothing in common. How do I get him to stop? |
t3_2tydfe | relationships | Me [23 M] with my GF [21 F] of a year and a half, have recently broken up and are struggling with what to do now | A little background is helpful I suppose. Me and my girlfriend, ex girlfriend I suppose, met a couple of years ago. We instantly went into FWB mode, and after a few months of that realized we wanted more.
Throughout this time she's turned into one of my best friends, however the relationship didn't work out. There was some stuff in the past she couldn't let go of, and I like many guys out there have trouble with expressing my feelings to the fullest extent. This lead to us breaking up under the pretense that the relationship just wasn't working no matter how badly we both wanted it to. We both agreed that we wanted to stay friends as we mean too much to each other.
We've both basically cut off all contact and have gone from talking every day, to nothing. We figured this would be the easiest way for us to get over any feelings. I guess i'm just looking for any advice on how long it takes to transition from a relationship into a friendship and what you can do to make this process easier, because right now it feels pretty shitty. | Broke up with girlfriend/best friend. Both still admit to loving each other. Want to be friends but aren't sure how to go about it. |
t3_1xi4go | relationships | Me [20M] and my girlfriend [20F] of 2 years got into an argument before valentines day, not sure if i should break up. | My girlfriend is currently busy with mid terms and told me she won't be able to spend valentines day or our anniversary with me (our anniversary is on the 17th). I told her okay her studies are more important. Today i found on facebook she's going to go out to talk with a friend for coffee.
I confronted her about it by text the time she spend for coffee could of simply been spent for our anniversary, 20-30 mins for a meal together. She simply ignored my text, which i think she doesn't like the fact that i bitched about her being busy. It's not the first time, everytime she gets mad or i say something she doesn't like, she'll simply ignore me.
I'm not sure if i should wait until after exams or just simply break up with her now. | girlfriend of 2 years busy with mid terms, turns out on facebook she says to a friend she has time for a talk and coffee, which i find that time could of been spent on our anniversary. |
t3_2713ux | tifu | TIFU by trolling a lectures blog, without knowing it was the lecturer. | First off, all I can say is FUCK.
Having to do blogs for university, and I see a blog on fitness, now we HAVE to comment on at least 3 and my time to hand it in is running low. *'Well now, I wonder if I agree or disagree with this person, lets have a look'*.
I read the article, deduct that they are misinformed about a training style and retort with a decently lengthy comment of which could be taken in an aggressive manner, as I was slightly annoyed as the information at hand.
Finish the post with
"Reference:
- Properreference.com/information1
- Properreference.com/information2
- Year 12 Physical education
- I lift"
After having a chuckle, my friend tells me that the post was from the person that owns the blog space we're using (lecturer), and the NOPES just start coming...INB4 no delete comment button, no edit button and now? FUCK. | Commented as an arrogant person on a blog (with my name as user because we had to), blog belonged to a lecturer. |
t3_12fwut | AskReddit | I came face to face with my absolute greatest fear today. Reddit how have you dealt with your nightmares coming true? | So my greatest fear is having someone I care about get themselves hurt (emotionally especially or extremely severely physically) despite my absolute best effort. And for about an hour it was aparent that one of my friends was going to initiate a chain of events that would end up in serious emotional pain. I was extremely persuasive and did everthing I could to convince them otherwise, but it was all for naught.
Long story short, a small fact was omitted from my information (that completely changes the situation) and now I am a complete wreak. How have you had to deal with your nightmare material?
P.S. It was even worse than I thought. I have a blinding stress induced headache, my kidneys feel like they are going to implode from the adrenal reaction, and I can't even take a piss I am so stressed out. | Danced with my darkest fears and got my ass handed to me, how do you/have you had to deal with your's? |
t3_vd6ce | relationships | Should a flaw in a fairly good relationship break us up? | I (F 23) have a fairly good relationship with my boyfriend (M 29). We have been dating for about a year and a half, and we spend most of our time together (basically living together). We have our ups and downs, as most couples do, but his reaction to most fights is horrifying to me. He has a habit of taking things too far, and letting the little things get out of control.
For example, today, we were driving and he started criticizing the maneuvers I made, and I asked him not to criticize me about driving because it makes me nervous. He got super mad, walked home from dinner with his parents (in which he was silent), and now still won't talk to me. In fact, I went to try and make amends of the situation, and he basically said he doesn't want to speak to me and wants to be alone, which in turn makes me hysterically cry.
It's not necessarily that we have any big issues, but these little things are so hurtful to me. The fact that he can't even just get over the whole driving thing makes me so upset. There have been other little things like this in the past as well, where he just takes things too far and can't get over it. To me, this seems like a really unhealthy cycle that I personally can't see myself being with long term. But, most of the time (these fights only happen about once or twice every few weeks) everything is great and we're very affectionate and happy.
Is it possible to get some insight on this behavior? Has anyone else experienced this? Advice? Is this a long term issue that I should be worried about? Should I seriously reevaluate our relationship? :( | My boyfriend and I get into petty arguments that end up in a huge fight, but otherwise we're happy. Should I be worried long term about this behavior? |
t3_3bos3v | loseit | Today I started a diet... | ...however I have some concerns. (Forgive me if this isn't the correct sub to be asking)
My family is partaking in this diet they like to call the "Underwear Diet", which came from [this Buisness Insider article]
Initially I was all for it, but I started thinking about how little we would be eating so I voiced my concern, which they didn't want to hear. So I decided to read the article itself (they just sent us a screenshot of what the diet consisted of). Upon reading the article, I found out a couple of things my parents had neglected to tell us
* Each diet was unique to each person and created by a nutritionist. The list in the article was what the diet consisted of for one of the males (David Moritz).
* The people in the article had spent the previous 4-months doing rigorous exercising before starting the diet.
* There are no before/after pictures. The only one close is a two-year old photo of Moritz.
Regardless, my concerns fell on deaf ears and we started today. At around 4:30 PM, I started feeling lightheaded and dizzy until I ate my 3rd meal (the chicken and avacado). I'm fairly certain this was just my body not being used to the diet, but I didn't want to take that chance and am looking for advice here. Should we continue? Will this diet even work? What are y'alls thoughts?
___ | Family wants to lose a few pounds using this diet, I have some concerns and would like to know if this diet will work for us. |
t3_j0rvu | loseit | r/Loseit! Help me join your ranks and give me your wisdom! | So here goes.....
My fiancee and I just got engaged a month ago and planned for a fall wedding in 2012. Needless to say I am not in my prime physique anymore but I am a 27 year old dude, 6 feet tall, and weighing in at a consistent 250lbs.
My fiancee was awesome enough to score us a membership to the YMCA and I want to know whats the best way to exercise and focus on burning fat. Not really building muscle (although it wouldn't' hurt), I'm really just focusing on toning and getting more fit rather getting totally RIPPED!! You know? Tonight, I swam. I swam 20 laps in an Olympic sized pool and while my body feels destroyed I think I really hit it tonight. I know it isn't much but it felt damn awesome to do and its something that I know I can do everyday rather then running cycling. It's also something I know I enjoy doing, can do everyday, and feel like I get a real workout doing it.
Anyway, I THINK I eat fairly healthy and I love all foods so any advice in that area would be great along with other stuff I can do besides swimming that may be better then it.
Thanks A LOT Lose It, I know it may seem like common sense but it's helpful to know that others are doing the same and supporting each other.
Bonus question- I enjoy lots of libations around twice a week (nothing fancy, "light" beers mostly). I know giving it up would be best to help drop the weight, but what drink out there is lowest in the calorie department? | Fat guy wants to lose weight in time for his wedding and believes swimming is a GREAT way to get in shape. Please give advice on eating, drinking (alcohol), and other workout things I can do. |
t3_45t8ca | relationships | A story about sex, lies, and the love of my life - advice needed | I'm 30, male. My bf is 29, male.
We've been together for 10 years exactly and through it all he's been very introvert and shy due to an abbreviated psychological diagnosis.
We've always been everything to each other. The greatest love story ever told.
Lately, though, he's become extremely extrovert. Lots of new friends. Less time for me. And now I discover that he's been cheating on me for at least two months with one of said new friends.
Confronted, he broke up, explaining that he can't be monogamous anymore. He wants to be able to sleep with other guys. If I can't live with that it's over, he says.
I love him so much. I mean... 10 years of love and dependence. He is 'in my very heart tormenting me'. I can't imagine life without him. So I've accepted we try an open relationship and see where things go.
Today is valentines day. Right now as I write this he's at a friends place hanging out. Banging, as they say. I'm at home drinking alone.
He loves me very much and wants to be with me, but he wants the open relationship.
And though I feel a little weird and even sad right now, I want to make it work.
Do you have any experience with this kind of solution? Will the pain go away? Can an open relationship survive if we have specific arrangement in place?
Or is it doomed to fail sooner or later? | Boyfriend want an open relationship after 10 years together. We love each other very much but I fear that this can ruin it for us in the long run. Thoughts? |
t3_2w2t9r | relationships | Me [21F] with my boyfriend [21m] of 3 years had a sex shop discussion blow up into something big. | Me and my bf have been dating for three years now and things obviously aren't perfect. It doesn't help that I'm insecure (something I have been working very hard on improving)
So the issue at had is that he has a female friend (let's call her Sarah) whom I have met only once. He told me they were talking and decided that we should all go to a sex shop (bf, me, Sarah and Sarah's friend)
I don't know why but this made me uncomfortable, I barely know this girl or her friend. I feel like visiting a sex shop should be someth between my boyfriend and I. He thinks it's all good fun and I should be okay with it because "it's not a big deal". I think it's wrong but can't find the words to explain why.
This argument spiraled into a big issue.
Am I wrong to be upset? Should I just get over it? | boyfriend wants to go to a sex shop with me and two of his female friends, I think it's wrong. |
t3_4452d3 | relationships | Is it wrong to tell her straight up I like her? | I'm 17 in high-school. New to this sub. I have a "date" this weekend with this one girl. met her about a week ago, Let's call her E. I just got M's number, which i just started talking to a few days ago and I've been texting. So far it's kind of been platonic texting M. Do I really got to play all these games, or would be a good move to tell M straight up? Like "I find you attractive and we should escalate things, but I want to know soon cause I'm talking with some other chick (which is E) and I don't want to move things further with her (E) and lead E on, if me and you are gonna escalate this" but in a more refined way. | don't wanna play these childlike games. Should I just tell her straight up that I like her, but ill just move on if shes not interested? |
t3_1uv6oj | relationships | Me [30 F] with my BF [26 M] 9M, I think I'm sabotaging a good thing and I don't know why | I've been dating a great guy for the last 9 months, and for the last month or so I've been getting jealous for no reason and nitpicking him for no reason. I want to stop but I don't know how.
This is the healthiest relationship I've been in for a long time. He's cute, sweet, fun, successful, and crazy about me--everything I've always wanted in a guy. We're talking about moving in together in the next few months. We communicate really well and I think we both try hard to be good to each other.
For the last month or so, I've been nitpicking him over small things and getting overly jealous. I'm scared I'm ruining a good thing. This relationship is way healthier than the borderline abusive/toxic ones I have been in in the past. Maybe I'm just used to more drama or I don't know what to do when a relationship is smooth. Every time I snap at him I apologize. He's been really understanding, but I feel like his patience will run out eventually. He gives me a lot of reassurance when I'm feeling insecure or jealous, but I feel like he shouldn't have to.
I just wish I was in more control of my actions. It's freaking me out because I'm worried I'm going to push him away. Any advice would be much appreciated. | I'm dating a great guy after being in toxic relationships, and I'm worried I'm sabotaging it by being jealous and nitpicking |
t3_31s1qp | Advice | New job, but haven't heard back | Hey all!
I recently got a new job offer and I accepted. I'm really excited to get started, but my start date is about a month away. I did all the paperwork, filled out my info, and needed one thing changed. Contact was going really well and now it's been dead.
It's been over a week with no response from my contact on their end. What should I do? I sent a follow up email 5 days ago, and left a voicemail yesterday. Should I send another email? Should I attempt to contact someone else?
The no contact thing is making me a bit anxious, even though I have the offer letter signed and all... especially because I turned down other employment opportunities and put in my notice.
I guess maybe it's not a huge deal being that there's still 4 weeks till my start date? | I got a new job offer, signed the offer letter, started the onboarding process, now haven't heard from new employer in a week. Not sure what to do. |
t3_suap0 | relationships | BF of four years has a $50,000 scholarship that he will lose if he does not attend college next fall. I am worried this is a bad decision. | We are both 23, me Jane him Tarzan, and our relationship is at its four year mark. The conditions of the scholarship are that once an individual begins secondary education, you must never take a fall or spring semester off, lest you lost the 50K. Also, you must attend a school within the state we live in.
Tarzan is burnt out on school. Burnt. The fuck. Out. He scored a 30 on the ACT but his GPA is holding on to a 2.0 by.. who knows. The grace of a spaghetti monster or something. He currently works at a popular pizzza franchise and wants to take a full-time position as an assistant manager in a neighboring state, subsequently forfeiting his scholarship.
The last thing I want ot be is a Naggy Nancy, but I cannot help but feel that he is making the wrong decision. I understand apathy. I tried suggesting that he take some type of online course through our current state so at least he can stiil maintain the scholarship while getting out of the classroom and doing what makes him happy.
Happy. That's what I want for him. I am an RN so I can essentially write a ticket anywhere and get a job lickity split. I would follow him with my life but I feel that he is being cavalier with his academic future. Is this any of my business?
I would do anything for Tarzan but I am worried that he could regret this later. | BF of 4 years wants to forfeit $50K scholarship. I ultimately want him to be happy, but is he making a poor decision? |
t3_3w8ooo | relationships | I [M24] talked about going to a prostitute with my friend [M24]. His GF [F21] flipped shit | Hi r/relationships!
To make everything a little bit clearer:
I'm a very sexual frustrated person. I lost my virginity with 23 to a study colleague of a friend of mine who he set me up with. Apparently we didn't have sex a second time but this is a story for another time.
Before that, I totally lost my motivation in dating, because I was simply never good at it. My first time sex gave me a lot of motivation, but I lost it fast due some horrible and heartbreaking things girls said to me when I tried to date them.
Well long story short, I decided to let it go and frequently visit prostitutes instead.
I talked to a very good friend of mine about it, because I was unsure about it, but he was very understanding.
Apparently his girlfriend (who is also a very good friend of mine) heard us from the next room and she was furious. She asked me why I even considered and said I don't need this and was generally very angry with me.
I get her point, but as a person who frequently has sex, she doesn't understand my situation.
How should I approach this situation? How do I explain my situation? | Girlfriend (who is also a friend of mine) of a good friend overheard a conversation about me wanting to go to a prostitute. She went furious. |
t3_eaxfy | self | As a civilian in the DoD, nothing pisses me off more than people who make smart-ass comments about "our tax dollars at work." | Look, I'm not blind. I realize that there are plenty of times when these criticisms are justified, and the big bad government wastes *our* tax dollars. That's right, *I* pay taxes too, and at my 25% bracket, it's no joke.
However, if you're one of those folks that comments on a video of some troops down range shooting up an X-Box with smarmy shit like "what a waste of money" or "why aren't they being productive", then I have one thought for you: FUCK YOU. Having deployed to Afghanistan with some of these troops in the past couple of years, I have news for you: many of them work 18 hours/day, 7 days a week. Ain't no weekends when the optempo is high. I'd love to hear how you spend your 8 hour workdays.
This is also for people who have nothing but slimy shit to say about anything that the military does. Oh, Wikileaks told you about some terrible things that these fuckers have done? Way to judge an organization with over 2 million people based on a couple of summaries you've read on the internet. Any organization with this size is going to have many issues, not to mention all of the bureaucratic red tape that we have to step around just to do our jobs. I don't really need to hear your brilliant fucking ideas that you've thought about for 5 minutes that will "fix everything that's wrong with the Army."
However, more power to you if you've done your research and still feel like we're a bunch of assholes. I can understand where you're coming from, but at least you're making decisions for yourself. | Fuck off if you blindly make quick judgments about the military. This organization has flaws, but you shouldn't be coming to that conclusion after reading 2 news articles on the subject. |
t3_2mgrnt | relationships | Me [18 M] with my girlfriend [17 F] duration 6 months. I suspect she is cheating with her ex boyfriend. | Okay so before I tell the story you guys need some background information. I've been with this girl before and that ended because she cheated on me with a guy like 3 years older than her.
Recently we got back together. I'm not a very confident guy so I often ask her to tell me if she's getting feelings for somebody so I don't have to go through the same situation again. (Because the previous incident has been in the back of my head this whole time) Today from a mutual friend I learnt that she has been hanging around her ex boyfriend a lot... The mutual friend even saw them kiss. I haven't confronted her or anything and I don't know if I should because my girlfriend would get angry at the mutual friend and I don't want to start drama between them. If this is true then I want nothing to do with her. I just want to know if I should ask her and betray my mutual friend or not... | I want to know if it's okay to betray a friends trust in order to find out if my girlfriend is cheating. |
t3_1nndu3 | dating_advice | Could I get a little advice? | Hey, I've known this girl for about 8 months (maybe longer) and I have always liked her. After we met we became really close and then she got a boyfriend ( :( ) but they broke up after 2 months. Her type of guy is strong and has muscles. I knew for a fact that she didn't like me since I didn't fit her type (me: I'm about to try 18 on the 14th and I already graduated in May so I don't see her as much ( I see her about twice a month) and she's 16. To get to my question, should I admit my feelings to her? I don't expect anything out of it. I'm just tired of holding it in. I don't want to do it face to face because that would be awkward as hell. I just want to write her and tell her and if she's okay with my feelings that would be great. Of course I like the thought that she has feelings for me but if she doesn't I would love to stay friends. So should I tell her? What do you think? | I have feelings for a friend I've known a while and wondering if I should tell her because I'm tired of holding them in. |
t3_15167s | AskReddit | Reddit, what would you do if someone you knew refused to take a disabled puppy to the vet? | My boyfriend lives about an hour away from me, with two men who own two pit bulls. These men have no regard for their animals' lives: the female is on her 4th litter. The puppies are 5 weeks old now, and one has lost the ability to use his hind legs (he has been like this for a couple of days, but I just found out about it). The owners will not take the puppy to a vet to see what is wrong with him, saying they do not think it would be worth it. My boyfriend does not have the funds to help, and feels as though he has zero responsibility for anything that happens to the puppies. I lost my job a while back and have not found another, so I am helpless as far as money goes. I have looked for cheap/free vets anywhere nearby and have had no luck so far. | Useless hicks won't take care of their pets; 5 week old puppy can't use hind legs. Owner won't take him to see a vet. Is there anything I can do? |
t3_15vlzr | needadvice | Need advice on my catch 22. | The following are the topics that I need some help on. They will be a little long so I can see about getting the most accurate advice to my situation that I can get. Also note, all of these in some part relate to one another to various degrees, reading all will give a full picture of my situation.
1.) Returning to college after 3 years. Had to drop out near the end of my senior year because it was 08/09 and I lost my part time job and couldn't afford rent. Was attending a private school and the debt without housing I was going to have would be around $80,000. I am in a different city now with a university that offers a similar degree. Spent last 4 months doing all the necessary paperwork to attend and get more loans. Loan speculation being around $40,000 to finish degree. All the loan paperwork comes through, about $22,000 is approved, just as everyone is leaving for the December holidays. So now I cant start this January like I was supposed too and I am still about $20,000 shy of what I need to finish my bachelors. Any one know other loans or of scholarships I can work on the next couple of months so that I can work towards resuming my schooling during the spring quarter?
2.) As my hours at my part time retail job are being cut, I will be moving into my vehicle at the end of this week. Currently my portion of rent has been $400 a month, and I have been making $250 payments a month onto my student loans to stay in good graces. My monthly income has only been around $750 the last few months. I am now dropping to around $550. My luck right now, and for the last while, has been that as long as I had one retail job I can't get a second to help my income. Also, I can't afford a new computer to replace my 6 year old unit, so as I can run the programs needed to create the pieces of work to submit to the companies I am interested in to hire me without a degree on my resume. Any ideas on how to supplement my income so I can get back into an apartment? | summary: Need money so I can afford to finish my education for a better job, need a better job so I can pay for my education. |
t3_2u3xkq | relationships | My [20 M] friend and I [18 F] are planning on hanging out tomorrow, but he thinks it's a date | I've been friends with this guy for about five months now, and we get along really well. We have a very similar sense of humor, and I enjoy being around him.
He, however, has a huge thing for me romantically, while I do not reciprocate these same feelings. We've made plans to hang out tomorrow night, but I want to make it clear to him that it's only that - a hang out - and nothing more. How should I go about making this clear to him? I don't want to make it seem as though I'm assuming he likes me by texting him "hey just so we're both on the same page, this isn't a date!" but at the same time I feel like he isn't grasping the fact that I only see him as a friend.
I'm also slightly worried that he's going to try to make a move tomorrow, which will make it quite awkward when I reject him on the spot. I'd rather he know how I'm feeling prior to when we see each other so that any advancements he might be planning are nipped in the bud. | guy friend likes me romantically, I only see him as a friend - how should I make this clear to him when or before we hang out tomorrow? |
t3_4d6n1j | jobs | 21 years old, worried about my new-found employment in the business/private world. | Hi,
I'll try to keep this short. I had been looking for a job for about 3 months, after my old temporary contract ended. About 3 weeks ago, I got a call from a company for a backoffice administration opening. Got interviewed with about 12 other people in the same room. I was definitely the youngest one there. I should specify I have no college degree whatsoever.
Anyway, I got through to the second round, passed the test with flying colours, and started the next day. I've been working there for 2 weeks now as an interim, as a testing period. Hopefully getting to sign a full on contract sometime this week.
Now, when I started out, the work was repetitive and hard, but I'm already getting some responsibility. The location/office and co-workers are great. I thought this is it. But... During those 2 weeks I've been trained by a pretty cool guy who I had a lot in common with. He was more or less my mentor/mate. Last friday, he got the sack, even though he was sort of irreplaceable in my mind. He did a lot of stuff noone else there could, let alone me. It was only afterwards that I realised I was hired so they could kick him out. Yes, the boss is kind of a dick. I also heard afterwards that even though this is supposed to be a 9-5 job, it's more of a 9-... long, unpaid, overtime hours, 70h/week type of deal. I'm getting the feeling this company has a high turnover rate employee wise...
I'm kinda scared shitless at the responsibilities they're preemptively trying to throw at me. Sometime this week, I'll have 'the talk' with my boss, and I'll be able to ask questions. What should I ask? How do I prepare myself? Any advice at all?
Much appreciated | New job in the private sector, lot's of pressure to perform/work overtime, don't trust the company. Advice? |
t3_16jcms | relationships | update: I'm (22F) afraid that I don't respect my boyfriend (24m) | [first post](
I know it's been awhile since that post, a few people asked for updates so here it goes. I had a few very busy weeks at work and barely had time for real conversations with him which is mostly why this whole process is taking so long. I was a bit disappointed to read a bunch of negativity but I'm glad to hear that I'm not nuts for opposing his viewpoint on this business dream, so thank you all for your time and opinions.
He didn't take me talking to him about all this very well, and he isn't happy that I want him to find a different job and don't trust his partner, but he has since then made more of an effort to make his own money by working extra side jobs on weekends. He has made enough money to start paying bills that he hadn't paid in months, and has basically settled his debt with me. I suppose for right now, things are pretty much solved financially, which takes off a lot of stress. I figure he'll appreciate it if I don't bad mouth his business so long as he's paying the bills, so I'll just stay out of it, unless he screws up again. | Told my boyfriend I don't respect his job, he works more and is starting to make ends meat, I will let it be for now. |
t3_x72m3 | relationships | I want him more than he wants me, should I keep hiding it? | Me: 16, Him: 17, in a relationship for almost three months. I'm rather... Inexperienced with the whole relationship thing, so I appreciate the help, reddit.
I guess I'll start off with saying that he's technically my first boyfriend. He's been in my classes pretty regularly since 1st/2nd grade, so I know him pretty well. We dated freshman year, but were both immature and scared shitless so we pecked like, three times in eight months. I eventually dump him, he gets a new girlfriend, dumps her after a year and a half, does some heavy partying, and we get back together.
Our relationship is much more successful this time. We don't necessarily have values that line up, me being a very conservative Christian and him a more moderate agnostic, but we connect great on other levels, such humor and physical attraction (hehe).
Unfortunately, I'm finding myself falling for him really hard and really fast, I think, although it could just be a case of "yay! First real boyfriend!" As a result, I want to be around him and making out with him ALL THE TIME. I'm (I think) successfully avoiding being the overly attached clingy girlfriend, but it's really, really hard. I normally dislike physical contact with people outside of my family, but this now obviously excludes him, which is a rather big deal for me. He, on the other hand, approaches contact like this in a very casual way, and just likes touching and being touched. He also enjoys making out a lot, but its not quite as much as me, although this could just be a difference in sex (but not sex since I'm waiting for marriage) drives. I know he really cares about me, but I just doubt that it's as much as I like him.
So my question is, how do I go about with this? Should I pretend to only care about him as much as he cares about me, or should I put my feelings out there in the open, as I think I may love him (yes, I know, only almost three months)? The former feels like a game that I don't really feel right playing, but the latter may scare him away. | Dating my boyfriend for the first (real) time. REALLY, REALLY, like him, not sure if he feels as strongly for me. Should I hide my strong feelings, show them, or maybe some combination of the two? |
t3_1qj3ev | relationships | Help: Girlfriend got a new tattoo that changes my perception of her body...and not in a good way. | I'm 38 (M) and she's 36. We were friends for 15 years, but have now been dating for 3 months.
I already feel like an asshole for this and have been trying to get over it, but I just can't. My girlfriend tattooed the names of her children (whom I've known all their lives, but am not their father) ~~on~~ *next to* her ass. She has other tattoos I never minded, but I can't see the kids names without thinking of them. It is a complete and utter turn off and has changed my perception of my girlfriend's body so that I'm really finding it hard to stay attracted to her.
Can anyone put this in perspective so I can get over this? I've been crazy about this girl for 15 years, so my liking HER isn't the issue. I've tried to get over the tattoo, but putting the kids names on her body is no different than if she taped Polaroids of their faces to herself. | girlfriend got tattoo without ~~consulting me~~ talking about it with me and now I don't find her as attractive as I used to. |
t3_h37us | AskReddit | Who else feels that the new batch of college students coming out next week will make you completely useless? | I think the biggest mistake I made in my life was traveling right out of college. I should have applied for jobs that whole time instead of wasting my time. Starting on May 8, 2011, I will be unemployed for 1 whole year now.
I am starting to get that dreaded feeling that I can never land a job in my field now that a whole year of fresh college students are entering the work force.
I am not even getting responses back from retail right now. I don't get it. I guess my only option now is the military, even though I don't think I will last a second.
Anyone teach english over seas? I filled out a bunch of applications but a lot of them are requiring me to pay 2,000 usd to pass a certification test.
The worst part about being unemployed and living at home is I put my dating life on hold. It is just too embarrassing to talk to girls. | Being unemployed for a year now I am extremely worried about the new batch of college grads being more fresh and employable than me. |
t3_141e1h | college | As a senior in high school I need help... | Alright so like I said I'm a senior in high school and I'm kinda having a panic attack. Triggered by my dad and his girlfriend. I have a college visit at the university of wisconsin: madison saturday. Exciting. But since I found out about this visit people have been telling me how hard it is to get into and they completely crushed any hope I had of getting in. I haven't taken my ACT yet and had planned on doing it on the 8th. I'm registered and everything. Just the other day I realized that the annual tradition of performing with Tuba Christmas was also happening on the 8th. So without talking to anyone I changed my test date to February. This caused my dad and his girlfriend to flip. "by February it'll be too late to get into any schools" I'm not sure how all that works but I can't imagine it being like they are saying.
I'm looking to go to school for environmental sciences and forestry. I haven't done much research on schools around my area either. I feel completely unprepared.
My reason behind posting this is I just need some reassurance that I'm not a fuck up and any help or tips would be greatly appreciated. | Senior in HS. haven't taken ACTs. Haven't applied for schools. Havent done much to prepare myself for college honestly. Parents are on my ass. Need help. |
t3_1kqsix | pettyrevenge | Coupon validity is dependent on customer attitude | Bit of background, i work at a pizza joint and we do deliveries. Store closes at 11, and we usually stop taking orders for deliveries around quarter to 11 because we're not legally supposed to have drivers on the road past 11. (I was enlightened with this information after the fact)
It was 10:40, when a lady decided to call up and place and order for a delivery. This wasn't a big deal, but it was impossible to hear what she was saying. It was almost like she had decided to wrap 5 cloths around the phone before making the phone call, which of course lead to me asking her to repeat much of which she was saying. She decided that this was far too pedestrian of a task for her to do and responded with many exasperated sighs and angry sounding responses.
Eventually, she had the gall to ask if i was a new employee, which i was anything but, having worked there for over a year. After informing her of this, she decided to tell me that i needed to shape up because she was very angry with the fact that i can't decipher mumbleese. She then says that she has a coupon that she wants to try.
Now, i don't mind being called incompetent, but when it's not my fault, i can't really stand for that sort of bullshit, so when she read out the coupon code, instead of inputting it like i'm supposed too, i tapped the wall a few times and said it was invalid. Suck on your full price pizzas. Made getting out at 12:30 much more manageable. | Muffled bitch orders pizzas and insults my competency. Her coupons no longer work so she gets to pay full price. |
t3_2mevzt | relationships | Me [22 M], my girlfriend [23 F] of 6 months sleeping on the same bed as two other guys. Do I have a right to be upset? | So let me start by giving some background information on us. My girlfriend is 23 and on her last year of university. She doesnt really have a lot of friends at her university, what friends she do have are mostly guys (aside from a few really close girlfriends who are not at her university). We are currently in a semi long distance relationship where I go to see her every other week.
A while back after a long night of staying up completeing assignments and such, her friends (2 guys which I do not know) decided to hang out to watch some movies at one of their place. By this time it was already 1 am, they watched 2 movies in a row, so it was probably around 6am when they were finished. She told me they all passed out on the same bed.
Now I am not normally a possesive person nor do I get jealous easily, but I cant help but feeling a tad unhappy with that scenario.
When I brought my feelings up with her she turned it around on me and accused me of not trusting her, and told me not to tell her what she can or cant do with friends. I don't think she is completely wrong, although it is not a trust issue, more of a boundary issue.
Now I can't help but feel conflicted about how to feel regarding this situation. On the one hand I feel like she is right, and these feelings are quite highschool, I mean we are all adults, whats the problem here. On the other hand I feel like there are some clear boundary issues regarding what you should or should not do with friends of the opposite sex. I, myself, have several very close female friends whome I grew up with, but I have always kept the boundary very clear cut.
Now maybe there is some cultural differences since I come from a traditional asian background where we tend to be more reserved and the boundaries between sexes are more pronounced. While my girlfriend comes from similar background as I do, she is more attuned to the north american culture. | girlfriend slept on the same bed with two other guys, I'm not sure if I'm completely wrong for feeling like this is a problem |
t3_45xh3t | relationships | Is it over between me [21F] and him [22M]? 6 month relationship | Last weekend I talked over the phone with my boyfriend Steve (not real name). It wasn't a super serious conversation or an argument or anything, just a standard "what are you doing now" type call. We ended the call because it was getting late, I didn't think it was anything out of the ordinary.
Since then it has been complete radio silence, like 9 days of total no contact. I've never encountered anything like this so I'm not really sure how to react. I don't think he's in the hospital or anything because I talked to one of his roommates the other day and he said Steve was still around.
Is this a normal break-up method? Should I contact him or just leave him alone? Thanks for the advice. | Bf hasn't contacted me in a week but is apparently not in danger or anything. Is it over? What should I do? |
t3_10708z | dogs | Last night my dog and I were attacked by a mastiff on the way home. Please do not leave your dog with someone who does not know how to handle it, even for a few days! | A couple houses down from my own, my wife and I were walking our two dogs when a big ol' dog went crashing through the screen door and across the lawn towards us. It went after my dog, so I ended up kicking, hip checking and punching it until my wife could haul it off of us. I took the only serious bite of the night, seen here:
The dog was staying with a coworker, (my neighbor) while their owner was away and clearly there was no intent for the dog to get out, but 100 pounds of dog on those flimsy little metal screen doors was enough. Both our houses back onto an elementary school yard, so I don't kid myself-it could have been much much worse.
Please, please never ask a family member or friend to take care of your dog if they can be at all hard to handle. Your setting your dog up for a bad situation (being labeled a vicious dog,) and putting your friend/family in a terrible situation as well. Use boarding services whenever possible for hard to handle dogs, even if your dog is a cuddle monster when they are around you and just like to nip when they get excited.
Here's my puppy this morning, ready for less exciting days: | If your dog is big, aggressive, reactive or just super playful and over 100 pounds, please board them with professionals instead of leaving them with a friend. |
t3_4byjd1 | legaladvice | [South Carolina] Duty to mitigate repayment of debt through tax write-off. | My girlfriend and her ex-husband were given a substantial gift toward the purchase of a house some years ago by my gf's mom. As part of the divorce settlement it was agreed that the ex pay back his portion of that gift which he has done. In exchange, gf and mom have agreed to compensate him for any tax liability he incurs after claiming a gift tax write-off. It's come to our attention that he could write off the whole thing, as long as he's willing to have a couple thousand dollars count against his life-time estate tax write-off. The life time limit is over $5 million, and he is very unlikely to approach that.
Ex is being stubborn and doesn't want to write off the whole amount. If we insist he does take it and don't pay him, would he have a duty to mitigate his damages by using the write-off.
Morally speaking, ex has been far from generous in many ways throughout the divorce process I know it's legally irrelevant, just want you all to know we aren't pretty assholes. | gf will owe ex money, butonly if ex doesn't use a fairly painless tax write-off. Does he have any duty to use said write-off? |
t3_44kobm | relationships | Me [23 M] with my girlfriend [23/F] of 6 months, I think we might be boring | I started a relationship with a girl six months ago - my first real relationship (though not hers). She's really nice to me, she always cares about my feelings, and she tells me she loves me a lot. I make sure to tell her that I love her as well, because I really do love her. I care about her a lot, and her happiness means the world to me. I feel safe with her, I feel loved and cared for in a way that I've never felt with anyone before.
But her and I don't really share many interests. We have the same values and the same personality, but we don't share any of the same hobbies, nor do we like discussing the same things. We can talk about our feelings very openly and honestly, there's no problem there, but there's not much beyond that. We can't be together physically most of the time, so all we can do is Skype or talk over the phone, which means that all we have is our conversations. They usually result in silence. Neither of us minds the silence much, but I'm afraid that someday I will care, that I'll get sick of it and will start to crave some deep conversation. That's what scares me, I don't want to get too invested into her and then realized that things won't work out, and more than that I don't want to waste her time.
I'm also afraid that I'm going to be missing out because of this. I've never had a girlfriend before her, and I'm afraid I'll miss out on perhaps having a partner that I have genuine and interesting conversations. But I'm also afraid that I'd be making a big mistake if I broke up with her. Because like I said, I care a hell of a lot about her, and she's so sweet and kind to me - and I know that's not something you can find easily in this world. I don't want to lose such a great and terrific person over something that could be so petty. | Girlfriend and I have boring conversations, but I love her. I'm afraid I'm missing out on the possibility of being with someone who I have stimulating conversations with. |
t3_132afw | relationships | My GF (24) still sleeps with her parents, was I (23) right to be mad? | My GF of two years is acting like it is no big deal, that she still sometimes sleeps with her parents. She has been spending a weekend a month with them since I knew her, and I only learned yesterday about this when her parents were visiting when she mentioned how she can't wait to cuddle them. Afterward I sort of flipped and said it is unacceptable and has to stop, and we had a fight... she was saying I am overreacting when I said it is gross and crosses the line and she says it is her business and not my place to tell her to stop, and that she never will. I have honestly never heard this in my life. Is it really a cultural difference that I just never heard about? We are doing Thanksgiving at their house, should I ask her parents privately to stop this? | My GF sleeps with her parents once a month. She acts like it is no big deal while I think it is wrong. So is this a dealbreaker and am I right to demand that this stop? |
t3_141pev | relationships | 27M, girlfriend of 2 years in a long distance relationship (30F) has said she's done with it but loves me still. Need advice as to what's happening | I'm hoping some people have been through this before, and especially if I can get the female perspective on going through this (if it has differences). I've been in a long distance relationship for over 2 years now. It's been tough because during that time, I started a graduate program that involved moving, and so for much of this year, we weren't able to plan travel because I wasn't sure where I'd be relocating to until I was accepted, and then it took a lot of money and time to move and try to get set up in a new state. It felt like we were turning the corner in the last few weeks, however, and she and I could start planning for the future more.
However, today I had 4 hour long conversation that started with her saying she wants a break, and basically means she's breaking up with me (although, for what its worth, she's not yet changed Facebook to reflect that, and the conversation ended that this could be discussed further later). She spent a huge part of the time crying, and did say that it's not what her heart wants, but it's what her head says she should do, and that this is basically a realization she had within the last 24 hours.
Can anyone give me an idea of what she might be thinking through all this? In particular, this sort of situation where it seems like she clearly is upset by doing this, but feels its what she needs to do. Does this seem like the sort of thing that she may change her mind about, or is this a done deal that she just won't say yet? I'm trying to understand all of this, and I would do anything I could that she'd ask of me if I could hold on to her. I don't want to pressure her or make her feel guilty or forced into it though, I'm just trying to understand what to expect, or what I should be doing. | In a long distance relationship, GF decided today that while she loves me, she's confused and needs out. Do I have a chance of that changing, and how should I handle all this? |
t3_1f2by4 | relationships | My mother (53) refuses counseling. How can I help her? | My home life has always been rocky, in particular because of my mother (53) and her psychological challenges. I (23) recently moved back home for a few weeks while I transition to a new job, and these problems are still abundantly clear.
For my entire life, she has verbally abused my father (57). Despite this, he stays married to her, though he has come close to leaving a number of times. As the only breadwinner, he feels responsible for her (and loves her to a certain extent). She can't support herself due to a number of problems – depression, OCD, compulsive hoarding.. in addition to health problems – devastating hearing loss, obesity, sleep apnea.. she often spends most of the day lying on the couch, not taking care of herself. The verbal abuse might come from her current problems, but my father seems to think she may have been abused as a child.
My mom is able to carry on a reasonably normal life outside of our house, and is a pleasure to be around in most public places (she's hilarious and very understanding of others). Because of this, she denies nearly ALL of her problems (with the exception of hoarding and its physical manifestations) and refuses help. If either my father or myself suggest seeking help, she claims we are being "nasty" or are attacking her, or worse, she laughs and says we're being ridiculous.
My siblings (younger) and myself have never been the subject of abuse, however I am concerned about their wellbeing. Currently, my sister (11) shares a bed with my mother, and is routinely subject to my parents' fighting and my mother's atrocious habits (leaving trash around the house, etc.). My mom loves us, and I think she can't admit that she's hurting us or needs counseling. I love her and want to help take care of her, but I am no psychologist. | my mom desperately needs help but is too proud to admit she has some things to work out. How can I help her when she refuses to admit she has a problem? |
t3_13n8tv | relationship_advice | How can I[18/m] save my relationship with my girlfriend[18/f]? | I have been dating this girl for 8 months now and I keep screwing up. She gives me chance over and over again even though I don't deserve them. I really love her and I've been an asshole to her for the past several months and she keeps trying to help me change and I do for a day and then go back to being an asshole. I hate the way I treat her and I try and make it up to her in every way I possibly can, but I believe I've pushed her over the edge this time and I want to fix it between us. | Want to fix relationship of 8 months with girlfriend who is on the verge of leaving me because I have been a major asshole to her. |
t3_3pmhiw | relationships | Do I [22F] ask my mom [40sF] before buying electronics for my sisters [15F]? | My ('half')sisters live in Europe with my mom and their dad. I see them once every two years or so. I have tried sending gifts twice. One time I didn't have money at the last moment, and the other time the gift simply never arrived (fuck you to a certain tween merchandise storechain at the mall).
So recently the husband and I bought some dirt cheap tablets online(50 dollars each). One of my sisters really wants a smartphone and recently bought one after years of saving up money, only for it to not work properly. My parents don't have a lot of money, but they give us what they can.
I've been wanting to send my siblings two tablets for Christmas, or really just for the whole family to use if they want. They can use it for homework, music, Netflix etc.
It's just that I feel like it'd be bad to send those things over without a head's up. My parents might think that they are more expensive than they are, and they refuse to ever accept financial help from me.
If I were to ask my mom I'd phrase it as 'I came across these cheap-ass tablets, I don't think they ship to Europe. Can I send some to *siblings* for Christmas?'. But the last two times I tried tl send gifts they never arrived, and I had asked for my mom's input about what I should get. I feel like I'd just be some deadbeat if I told her 'hey I'm sending you shit' again, and maybe she'll just think it's an empty promise. What should I do?
Btw they're not supercontrolling parents who get offended if their kids have something nice, I just worry that they'll think it's expensive and too much. | = want to tell my mom I'm sending gift, worried that she'll think it's an empty promise. Should I just send it? |
t3_r9rms | AskReddit | What's a big "no regrets" moment you've had? Last night I drank too much and peed the bed...on purpose. | So I was drinking a few screwdrivers after forgetting to eat all day (it happens sometimes) and I wound up getting sick. This was the first time in a really long time I've thrown up from drinking. My husband's a great guy, he put out a bucket next to the bed for me and rubbed my back until I started to feel better. At some point, the room stopped spinning. He was the "big spoon", and I had asked him to help me to the bathroom, just in case I would have fallen over and hurt myself. My husband whispers in my ear, "just...go." After about 10 minutes of drunkenly trying to hold in urine, I finally tell him, "it's happening..." (picture "Dumb & Dumber" motorbike scene. Pure bliss for both of us, me simply moaning with relief...) and in a matter of 15 seconds the mattress was soaked. He kissed my cheek and we both fell asleep. He was pretty much sober during all of this. The next morning, we wake up, and just giggle to ourselves while changing the sheets. He later confessed to me that he thought it was really hot, and apparently tried to have sex with me, but I was already asleep. | Got drunk, husband convinced me to pee the bed instead of making a trip to the bathroom. It was warm. No regrets. |
t3_40tc0p | tifu | TIFU by not knowing where Alaska was | So this particular event happened to me yesterday and I'm still recovering from the embarrassment.
I want to start off by saying that I learned geography around grade 3.
The said event took place in a women's clothing store while I was shopping for a winter coat. I was looking at the reflection of myself with the coat on in the mirror when I noticed another women weating a coat that I really liked. I asked her where she found the coat, how much, etc. and we struck up some conversation. I made a joke about needing a winter coat during Canadian winters and she revealed she was actually American. I asked where in the states and she said Alaska. I then asked if it was the Alaska down south or the one further north. She looked at me for a second and then replied just from Alaska, the only Alaska that exists and therefore understood the cold. She was in Canada visiting a relative.
**this is where the fuck up happens. I want to explain things first so you can understand my error. I knew beforehand that Alaska was part of the USA but when shown pictures and saw the cold climate, polar bears, etc. I assmued that there must have been another Alaska much further north then the (imaginary) Alaska in the states.
To resume my story, I must have still looked confused because she then continued saying that there is only one Alaska, the one in the north but that is part of the USA and then walked away. I was so utterly confused and embarrassed. I whipped out my phone to google Alaska and discovered she was right and that I had been so clueless and stupid.
I left immediately not even thinking of the jacket. I arrived home and must have studied the globe for about an hour looking for any other misconceptions I may have about places in this world. | went shopping for a coat, met a woman from Alaska. Asked which Alaska it was and she then taught me some geography. Now feeling stupid |
t3_2saj2i | relationships | My friend [26 M] seems to be totally avoiding me [25 F] after moving back home. How can I figure out what's wrong without nagging him? | I could use some advice with a friend issue. So there's this guy I've been friends with for about 5 years now. We were co-workers in college, and he was one of my (many) roommates for awhile. We were pretty good friends, all things considered. Then he moved to the UK for grad school. We didn't talk as much, but I visited him once and he came home to visit a few times and we hung out like normal. He moved back to the US in October, with his new husband (this was a big surprise to me but he's happy and I'm glad).
Since he moved back I haven't really talked to him or seen him. There was one instance where he and his husband came out to a group event but he barely talked to me and seemed annoyed when I tried to talk to him. This weekend I tried making plans to catch up, but he replied with curt one word answers and didn't respond at all when I sent the open ended "we should hang out some time" message.
Now I'm not sure what to do. I really do want to hang out with him, but he seems totally disinterested in speaking to me. I don't think his husband is keeping him away from his friends or anything, as I know he's hung out with mutual friends recently. I'm not sure if I did anything to upset him, and if I did I'd like to know. But at the same time I don't want to pester him to the point where he never wants to speak to me again.
Strangely enough, something similar to this happened with a friend in high school and he ended up cutting off all contact with me (I never found out exactly why). I'd like to avoid that this time around but I don't know the best way to proceed. | Friend moved back home after being away for a few years, suddenly doesn't want to see me or talk to me. I want to figure out why and remain friends without pushing him away. |
t3_1xss3t | relationships | My [22/F] boyfriend [25/M] of over a year has been texting an old friend about getting together with her. | So today I met up with my boyfriend to have dinner at his place. He bought me a huge bunch of roses and spent a long while preparing dinner (something he doesn't usually do). Anyway, something felt a bit strange, so I checked his phone after he fell asleep.
He'd been messaging with a friend of his from many years back. She had just broken up with her long term boyfriend. My boyfriend's reaction was to tell her that he would leave me for her. She said "what, your girlfriend of over a year?" And he said "yes, I've been thinking of breaking up with her recently because I've been treating her so badly". She replied with disbelief.
These messages were from over a week ago. Just last week I went to a family dinner with his parents, siblings and grandparents. I can't believe that he would say things like this to someone.
My question is, should I just break up with him now, right before Valentine's Day? I asked him about whether there was anyone else and he said "no" and that he's happy with me. Either he's lying or the conversation with his friend is no longer relevant. But even if it's no longer relevant in his mind, shouldn't it be relevant to me because one's significant other shouldn't ever say that to someone else?
I'm fairly certain that he hasn't cheated on me. | My boyfriend told an old friend that he would leave me for her, but now doesn't feel as though that is relevant. What should I do? |
t3_34konz | relationship_advice | [21/M] Anxiety and low self-esteem ruining relationship | I've always been a super anxious and paranoid person, it's just in my DNA I guess. Recently however it's getting to the breaking point and ruining a very real potential relationship for me.
Without going into too much detail I recently started hanging out with a very old friend of mine I hadn't seen in a few years. She's recently out of a relationship. One thing led to another and we started "talking". Everything is going perfectly, we really like each other and can totally see a long lasting relationship here.
Here's where the problem sets in. I don't think very highly of myself at all. I equate myself physically and mentally to that of garbage. My self esteem couldn't possibly be lower. More often than not I'm left thinking "Why is she interested in me? She could do so much better". Now she's a very independent soul. She likes to go out to bars and do stuff with her friends, that's fine. Whenever this happens though I sit at home thinking she's just off trying to find a better guy since I don't think I'm good enough for her. Based on what she says to me and how she acts I don't honestly believe she's out roaming the night looking for someone to replace me with. But the combination of my low self-esteem and anxiety makes this thought very real to me. It's getting to the point where it's putting a strain on myself and what the relationship could be. | I'm an anxious and paranoid dude with low self-esteem and it could possibly ruin myself and my blossoming relationship. |
t3_2qniox | relationships | Me:27M, with 26F. FWB trying to escalate? | September, we met (in NY.) Instant attraction, several dates, shows, really good sex. Really good, she constantly compliments how good our sexual chemistry is.
After 4-5 weeks I wanted to make things exclusive. She pre-empted this by saying she was recently out of a 3yr relationship and needed some single time. We made a FWB deal (although didn't call it that) and hang our roughly once a week. We've both kept each other separate from the rest of our lives (friends, evenings out etc.)
Over time she acts closer and more tenderly - staying for a long time in the morning, lots of cuddling, initiating future dates (far) more often. Due to the nature of our 'deal,' I've been seeing a few other girls, but we don't talk about that stuff.
Anyway - she just invited me to her birthday party early in the new year, previously she wouldn't have ever considered this. She also said we should going skiing together with her friends. I like this girl. Clearly she's trying to escalate things right? This is not typical FWB, "post break-up emotionally unavailable" type behaviour. Is this what you'd read into it?
She doesn't like to talk about feelings a lot, so I don't want to keep trying to initiate those conversations unnecessarily.
Despite me being fine with the FWB situation, I'd definitely break it off with the other girls to date this one. But due to nature of all of this, I have to play it right. | fwb said she's emotionally unavailable, only wants no strings sex. Couple of months later, she's inviting me to multiple social occasions and to go skiing. She's trying to escalate, right? |
t3_18bfpc | loseit | I've gained it all back. | I am so bummed - I've gained all but 5 lbs back that I worked so hard to take off. I wasn't losing as fast as I may have wanted, but I was losing. It started at Halloween with the bite sized candy, continued into "well its only for today" Thanksgiving Feast, and then Christmas candy, and New Years drinks. All while in between I had completely stopped using MFP, barely exercised, and was eating anything in sight. I noticed the weight coming back on, and got bummed, so I ate. I got stressed that I was eating too much, so I ate. Soda came back into my diet. Having some skittles? Need some salty chips to balance out the taste buds after!
I KNOW what needs to be done, I did it once before. I KNOW what I need to eat (and not eat), and how much to exercise in balance with counting calories, with lots of water to drink. I just cannot find the motivation to start it all up again and do it all over. I am stressed and sad and feel terrible about my appearance.
My BF is lovely and tries to motivate me, and he is supportive - I just cannot get out of my own way. We recently bought bikes and went on our first bike ride last night, I quickly realized how out of shape I am. I would like to ride bikes a few nights a week, and I think I can get him on board with that too (these first few days will hurt).
I need some cheerleading, or some supportive nudging/reminders to keep on track. I HAVE to get this weight back off before I get heavier than when I first started. I WANT to feel fantastic, and buy new clothes not because they are too tight, but because they are too big!
Apologies for the all over the place spilling of my guts, I just had to get it out of my head before I ate something. | Lost 25lbs, gained it back, depressed/stress eating because of weight gain. Need help/support/motivators. |
t3_m94lw | AskReddit | Is my sister just mean and petty or does she have a point? | I currently go to a university that is twenty minutes away from my family, but I live on campus (away from them for various reasons--mainly because I don't like my parents). However, my sister and I have always been close.
I've been dating this guy since I was a freshman for the past two years and we spend quite a lot time together. We're very serious and see ourselves being together after graduation. My family including my sister don't really take our relationship seriously (they think I can do better) and think I'm too young to settled down.
I don't go home to see my family because I don't want to deal with my parents. Unfortunately, that means I don't see my sister too often either. She's currently mad at me because she thinks I spend all my time with my boyfriend and thinks that I am putting him above my family.
So, I'm really confused. On one hand, as a couple, we do spend a lot of time together and I may not see my sister often, but at the same time, I feel like she is judging me unfairly. I text her relatively often and call her randomly and it's not like she makes the most effort to keep in contact with me either while I'm at school. At the same time, I am busy with many other commitments so I don't really have too much time to leave campus. Yet, I can't help but feel guilty for not spending time with her and for spending what time I do have with my boyfriend.
So, my question: does she actually have grounds to be mad at me? Should I have to apologize that I spend time with my boyfriend so much? Or is it something that she has to learn to deal with? | My sister thinks I spend too much time with my boyfriend and that I'm not spending enough time with her and my family. |
t3_33bldf | relationships | Me [17 M] with my coworker [18 F] i am an oblivious guy :( | I have been talking to her for Almost a month and A half. She tells me that she has told me more about herself in this short time than she has with her friends of 4 years. We first started going to get froyo together (its her favorite) and meeting up an hour before our shifts so that we can have some alone time. We also get lunch when we both have time for it or if we both have an open night we go and get a dinner and a movie (i pay everytime even though she always wants to split the bill)
I always have a good time with her and she tells me that she always has a good time with me. She tells me her problems and likes to hear what i think about it. her friends want to meet me but she wont let them (due to only knowing me for a short time). I dont know if i am a "good friend" or more of a boyfriend she tells me about how she has turned other guys down since i have known her and everytime someone trys to make a move on her. It may be obiovious to you guys but it isnt to me. i do like her very much she is one of the funnest people i know and the most laid back about me not being religious, esecially with her being religious (i forgot what religion she follows). | i dont know where to go with this, I have a hard time knowing when to make a move or knowing if i should. Will answer any questions that are asked if i wasent clear. |
t3_382vbj | relationships | (32M here) I have just met someone (28F) who is really great but they live with depression and I don't understand. | Background: I've just started a new relationship with a girl who is really great. We've only been together for a couple of months and as a person who has been in a few long-ish multi-year relationships - I can say that I don't think I've ever felt like this with anyone else before - she is fantastic.
However early on she has told me about how she has been living with depression for about 10 years. She told me about how she has ups and downs, sometimes requires medication but not always and sometimes rally struggles but generally does ok most of the time.
I really appreciate her honesty and openness. But I'm really worried that I don't or won't understand her struggles going forward and what she's going through and therefore not being able to support her. I'm such a positive person and have never experienced many of the feelings she explained to me, they seemed so foreign to me. I talked to her about it openly - I wanted to try gain her perspective and understand the challenges she faces and how she manages it all. It sounded tough and I felt for her, it's clear she has a heart of gold and was being super positive about it all but I could definitely sense fragility.
I've never experienced depression myself or really known anyone who has struggled with it before. Can you support and help someone through something so foreign that you can't understand? | I'm worried I'm going to be an asshole and not be able to support someone I care for because my life is pretty piss easy and I don't understand anything else. |
t3_1fynu6 | loseit | Trouble/help getting started? | Let me preface this by saying I don't generally participate in forum-type discussions, and I really only come to reddit for laughs and such but subbed to /r/loseit and /r/GetMotivated pretty early on for reasons I'll explain now. Also forgive me if these types of posts don't belong here, but I figured this was a good a place any any for it.
I'm a 22 year old male at a weight I don't even want to check, for sure over 200, probably close to 300 at this point (God forbid over... T.T). I still live at home mainly because of school, and it comes up every few months between me and my mom that I want to lose weight. We end up mentioning the gym/personal trainers, then a few days later it just dies. Nothing even starts. I'm going out of town July 4th weekend for Pokemon Nationals and it's hit me that I can't even walk upstairs without getting winded and it made me think how dead I'll be over that weekend considering how much walking there is. Along with the fact that I'm pretty sure I can feel my heart working way harder than it should be, and not in a good way. I just don't know how to start, on my own or having my family 100% behind me. I suppose it doesn't help that I hate leaving the house and would rather spend time on the computer playing games but at least my head is in the right place? I'm well aware not much will happen in a month, but I just figure now is as good a time as any to start. I keep thinking that I should just go out for a walk every day for an hour or something but I just don't feel like having to 'explain' myself to my parents.
Sorry if this was kind of scatterbrained. I uh... probably should have thought out what I was going to say a bit more/shouldn't have typed this out at 11pm | Want to start losing weight, family doesn't really support/help get me started, going out of town in a month and realized I should try and make it so I don't die just walking around |
t3_2t3web | relationships | Me [21M] with my recent EX[21F] of 2 years who won't leave me alone. Am i being too nice? | I broke up with my ex because I want to meet other people. She claims to have accepted it but still steals my phone, goes through my messages and we'll start all this drama over some new girl. This is the third time and I feel like I can't date this girl that i like because of this huge drama.
I am trying to remain friends with her but so far it hasn't been working. I haven't cut her off because I feel like she's gone through alot.
Her mom doesn't love her, she has few friends. And i guess she's lonely. I care enough about her to be her friend and help her out with some things. But I don't want to continue in this cycle of drama. | Am I messed up if I cut my ex off despite the very little support she has in her life at this point? |
t3_fmtsh | AskReddit | So, I started a programme of meditation and exercises I found on the internet | I asked a couple of weeks ago whether or not the lotus position was necessary but didn't get any replies - the reason I asked was because I had hurt my foot and couldn't achieve the position - in the end I managed to do it the 'other way round' for that foot, now my foot is OK and I can get that position fine.
The 'guide' I got was a PDF that now suggests some breathing exercises as well (after 14 days of getting into the preliminary routine).
I have noticed a lot of improvement from following these initial meditation exercises, which I do mostly every morning and every night. Because they require no apparatus I have been able to do them anyplace I am at.
I am worried about these 'breathing' exercises as it says they might cause some people problems - is there anything to worry about with trying them once or twice?
Note: I have deviated from my normal exercises a bit since starting this - I do the meditation exercises for about an hour and then do my normal weights immediately after that for about 1/2 hour.
I do the meditation exercises again before I go to bed (I spend longer on these now at night). I had some 15kg weights but bought 25's which I use now - just basic reps of up and down and some reaching.
I feel a lot better with doing the meditation, but worry about the breathing exercises if they can do harm - should I go easy on the weights or even try these exercises at all? | fairly fit guy, starting out with meditation exercises alongside low weights - programme mentions breathing exercises that could be dangerous for some people - ok to try them for a couple of weeks? |
t3_40jr9c | Advice | Thinking about quiting | About a month ago I recently got a sushi job and have worked their for over 5 weeks. However here is the problem I am having
-Manager tells me he will text me my work schedule, but never does. Often times, this resorts to me texting him and getting my hours.
-My hours in the beginning used to be from 5-10 and 12pm-5pm 4 days a week. However, the hours now consist of 5pm-7:30pm Friday and 5pm-7pm on Sunday. Keep in mind that I am making $10 an hour.
- My original plan to working at the restaurant is being a waiter. Before that, I was a host and thought the job was easy. Overall, my biggest question is should I quit? The lack of communication is annoying and the hours are not giving me enough money. They also say that if I do not memorize 80% of the menu perfectly my hours will be cut?
-To be honest, I know other people work at restaurants too. But, how could someone hire me and then proceed not to tell me what time, date or hours I'm working? I find the whole process ludicrous. | Should I quit my job due to bad hours and lack of communication? or should I stick with it and see how it goes over the next couple of weeks? |
t3_pn4t5 | relationships | Boyfriend is depressed, trying to be supportive but it's taking a toll on the relationship | We are both 19 and Sophomores in college. We have been dating about three months and it has been going great, we hang out a lot and really connect. We live in separate dorms but spend many nights together.
Recently though, he has began to seem really uninterested in... anything, including me. We have talked about it a few times and he says that he really doesn't know what the problem is, but he assures me that it's not my fault and that he's happy with me, and I believe him. Nonetheless, he remains distant. He won't hold my hand when we're walking down the street, we wont say a word to each other for the longest time and if I try to offer some conversation, he will give me one-word answers (this might seem normal, but we are usually extremely chatty). This has also had a huge impact on our sex life. We haven't done it in like, two weeks. I'll try to warm him up a bit, but he isn't interested. I talked to him about this too, and he says that he just hasn't felt the desire to have sex, which is totally weird because we used to have sex quite frequently.
Now, I am trying to be a good girlfriend and be there for him in his time of need, but I'm not sure what to do. Should I back off and leave him alone or keep trying to be close to him? How can I cheer him up when he doesn't even know what the problem is? I really like him, but if this is going to be an ongoing thing, I'm not sure our relationship will last, which makes me feel mean and selfish. I want him to be happy, but I want me to be happy too.
Any advice? | Boyfriend is depressed for what seems like no reason and I'm not sure how long I can help him through it. |
t3_2x7f1w | Advice | Ive got everything Ive ever wanted after years of hard work, but I still feel empty. | I dont really know what to say, it's such a first world problem.
I've seriously got my dream job right now and it's the fucking best. I worked my ass off to get this job and to get to this point in my life. I worked my fucking ass off and the job is fucking awesome.
On top of that, I live rent free in the most amazing place. I worked my ass off to get this place too. like seriously harder than I have ever worked for anything.
And yet, I'm still unhappy.
I love my job so much that when I get home, I just can't wait to go to work. I have 7 hours of free time before bed and I just end up sitting there doing nothing. Everything I've ever done as a hobby before, everything I ever did in my spare time before, is now being fulfilled by my current job
but yet, I have still have to endure 7 hours of solitude doing nothing because I can only handle so much fun.
So It's really fucking weird to complain about. And how the fuck is anyone going to be able to relate to that? I just feel so goddamn lonely about that.
And then on top of all that, i dont know where I am with my life relationship-wise. I'm 24. I've slept with so many women, and im pretty sure im a sex-addict. I've just been chasing the same feeling of love that I had with my first highschool sweetheart girlfriend. Everything since then has been unfufilling.
So I've tried online dating, but theres clearly a systemic problem in my relationships that I need to address.
Look, I don't know what I'm doing by writing here. I just need to get this off my chest. I've got seriously everything I've ever wanted, but somehow I've got nothing. Please help me. | I worked my ass off to get my dream life, but now I feel like something's missing and I feel very alone because my problems sound so mundane..... |
t3_1bqz78 | relationships | I[F24] have some difficulties getting over my Bf[M25] past. Anybody please give me advice? | We have been together over a year. I have been a conservative girl especially when it comes to relationship. For example, I don't date random people, I am only into committed relationship. My bf, on the other hand, was pretty popular with girls. He had many dates in the past, although most of them were just for fun/never turned into a relationship/never lasts long. I have learned to accept (even though it is difficult considering my background) that he was popular and had so many dates with girls before but there is one girl that always makes me jealous. This girl is not physically attractive. So according to my bf's friend, it is her warmth and girly nature that probably attracted my bf before. I heard rumors that they were really close back in college. The girl fell for my bf but my bf was not sure about her so they stayed as friends. My bf's friend in college told me that my bf might have tried to learn to love her, but it just never got there.
Until today, my bf is still in touch with her. Talk to her once a while online. But they never hang out outside work anymore since my bf started dating me which is about 1.5 yr ago. My bf always talks nicely about her. One day we had a huge fight because I found out that my bf never talked about having a gf to her. My bf who felt that he already mentioned me briefly in one of their chats, confronted her through text. She never replied.
So I asked my bf to stop contacting her because I felt that she was messing with us. My bf's reaction? "You can't tell me what I can or can't do. The more you prevent me from doing something, the more I want to do it."
What do you guys think about my bf's feeling towards this girl, red flag or no?
I just need something to ease my mind out...Any advice? | I[F24] have some difficulties getting over one of my Bf[M25] past girls because they remain in contact until today. I need advice to ease my mind. |
t3_2bhwrr | tifu | TIFU by kneeing my boyfriend in the balls during a BJ just before he came (NSFW). | So this wasn't today, but yesterday. My boyfriend and I were having sexytime and I was going down on him. He was sitting up in bed and I was between his legs, on my knees. I'm 5'4 and he's 6'3 so sometimes I have to stretch when we're hooking up, but we make it work. It was evident we were nearing the point of no return and he grabbed my head to assumedly makeout while I jacked him off so I leaned forward and shifted all my weight.
My knees were planted into the bed and when I extended forward to do this, (because I'm so short) I felt myself falling forward and was about to have a face plant from a 2ft fall onto his dick (no thanks for either of us). He saw what was happening, but was helpless from his position. Instinctively my knee shot forward, making a solid connection with his balls. And I mean solid.
He went motionless, slumped over and whispered "fuuuuuuuuck." Needless to say that sexual adventure was over. Oops.
He forgave me and we eventually chuckled about it after he could breathe again. BUT today he told me that last night when he went to jack off before bed, the ejaculation was incredibly painful and just sort of oozed out. I think I broke him. Fuck. Please still love me. | I accidentally kneed my bf in the balls right before he came to save myself, but I was forgiven and he didn't die (yet). |
t3_331vcu | relationships | Me [21 M] with my ex-girlfriend [19 F], she broke u with because her mum would not allow her an realtionship with me | My girlfriend is from a different culture, we had some plans to move in another country, so there is the possibility to live together. Her mother and especially her family don't allow a realtionship with a foreigner.
One day she decided to break up with me because, seh don't want to hurt my and her family but she still loves me and thinks I am the right one ( I think so too).
So I told her, she had to decide what she wants and that I will support her no matter what. After the discussion the contact broke up and I don't know what to do or hwo to act...
Should I contact her or do you guys think she is done with me? | We had some big trouble because of her family. After telling her she should decide what she wants, the contact between us ended. What should I do? |
t3_1sv3i4 | relationships | As a single parent [M-24], i don't know where to even begin. | long story short i was engaged to get married, girlfriend **[F-23]** comes home from work, lays down next to me, and out of nowhere tells me she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to be with me. our daughter was 1 at the time.
due to her having no family, she was forced to rent a separate room from my parents who we both were living with to save money for a house, and for help with our daughter.
3 years later, ex-girlfriend finally moves out. never really had closure. i had dated during that time, but obviously that wasn't the easiest thing in the world as we made an agreement not to bring significant others home so we didn't screw up the baby. and out of respect for each other.
everything should be fine now right?
wrong.
my daughter lives primarily with me, as my ex is immature and would rather get DUI's and party every night because she "didn't have a life when we were together"
which you know what? I'm glad. i get to spend more time with my daughter.
you'd be surprised how many women decide to not date you after finding out you have a child. mind you, i never hide the fact that I'm a parent as i am immensely proud to have a beautiful little girl.
as a result, I'm not able to go out much. other than work or to do things with my daughter. hard to meet someone when you're always home. tried online dating, failed miserably. most of the "i don't date guys with kids" happened in that spectrum.
i just don't know what to do anymore. | How do i find someone as a single father? Without being able to go out and do things like other 20 somethings? |
t3_1hef61 | relationships | I (17F) think that my almost 2 yr relationship with (20M) is failing, trying to decide if fixing it is worth it | I made an unsentletter yesterday on this account if reading it would help.
In the next year, my boyfriend and I are going to go through a tough time, and since I am not feeling as close to him as I used to be, I wonder if we're even worth the trouble.
Basically, he lives hundreds of miles away during the school year and half an hour away in the summer, I'm graduating high school next year and he is graduating from college soon before; then we want to try to end up in the same city for me to go to college and him to start a career.
Recently I haven't felt close to him as well as many of my friends. I've been thinking it's because my self esteem has gone way down, and also, after we started dating I put less and less effort into my other friendships because I felt like he was close enough to talk about everything to. I would not be surprised if he said the same thing about himself. If you need more detail about how I feel about him, check my unsentletters post.
I also know that we're both super young, not interested in marrying for many many years, and not interested in a family or any sort of commitment other than schools and careers, so I think that moving to the same city as him, maybe the same apartment, is kind of silly. I'm not even an adult yet so thinking that we could last long is also silly.
If I did decide that we need to stop, I have no idea how to do it. Communication has been bad since we were apart while we still were close, and since we aren't close now when we can talk in person. He also says frequently that he's ready to follow me wherever, so he has a more hopeful view than I do. I really never ever want to hurt him, I still love him lots, just not that much right now.
Keeping myself together lately has been so hard :/ | LDR with bf nearly 4 years older than me, is it impossible to keep together for another few years or should I end now to avoid bad times when I go to college and he starts a career? |
t3_395aup | relationships | Me [23 M/] with my ex-girlfriend [23 /F] of 4 years, we hadn't talk in 3 years, now she is back into my life and it's really weird. | So, with this girl we were together from the age of 14 through the course of school years until 18, with a lot of downs and ups, alot of break ups and a lot of crazy stuff that went through. Our relationship was unique though but i'll get to that.
After we finished school she left to study in another city 6 hours away and we lost touch, I was in a serious relationship for 3 years that felt great but didn't have the spark that our connection had.
He hadn't talked in 3 years and now that she finished her studies she came back to search for a job. She reached out to me couple of days ago to see how I was doing and to hang out.
We went for a walk for couple of hours which felt amazing we talked about alot of stuff, about all of the problems we had and all of the relationships we built after ours and how none of them was that unique.
She pointed out that she had a boyfriend at the moment and i pointed out that i don't really care. She told me not to misinterpret
the talk we are having but her eyes didn't say the same.
Couple days later I told her that I wanted to see her again and she said to me that she doesn't think its a good idea, although she wants to hear about me and how I'm doing.
Long story short. I want this girl so much, when I was with her it reminded me of how great we were together and all of my burried feelings came rushing up. What do I do? | Hadn't seen my ex in a long time. We went for a walk, she has a boyfriend and Im falling for her. What do i do? |
t3_tvqts | relationships | Is this a major red flag or just honest over-sharing? | I'm female (27) and my boyfriend (25) and I have been together for a couple years. After a very long "honeymoon phase," we recently began to hit some trouble in our relationship. We are each other's first real experience with love and this is the longest relationship either of us has been in, so we're kind of still figuring out this whole communication and emotional intimacy thing. During the last six months, I feel that I have been putting forth more of an effort in finding quality time together since we've both gotten very busy with work and hobbies (shared as well as mutual), but I would still rate my overall happiness as about an 8 out of 10.
Last weekend during a rare fight, he suddenly said that he wasn't sure if he was ready for a serious relationship. This completely threw me for a loop. When I asked if this meant he wanted to break up, his reply was that he loved me and he wanted to see where things would go with us. He says that he potentially sees a future together, but wasn't sure if I was "the one." He added that so far everything about us has been worth staying in the relationship vs leaving, so he doesn't want to break up.
This sounds a little like a cop-out to me and I honestly feel kind of rejected and confused. Our mutual friends keep telling me that I'm over-thinking this, especially since I'm not ready for marriage right now and similarly am not 100% sure if he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I do know that I am not in this for a casual relationship and don't want to stay with someone who is potentially just waiting for something better to come along.
What do you think, reddit? Has anyone out there been in a similar situation and what was the outcome? Should I stay or should I walk? | boyfriend of two years loves me but is not sure he is ready to be in a serious relationship. Should I cut my losses and walk? |
t3_18dwy4 | dating_advice | I (M26) just met met a girl (27) and am looking for some advice. | I work at a school in a foreign country teaching English and a new batch of teachers just came in about a week and a half ago. I asked a bunch of them (and current teachers too) if anyone wanted to go to a movie and I only got one response, from this girl.
So 4 days ago just the two of us go to see Life of Pi together and I had a really good time getting to know her on the way to the movie and on the way back (its about a half hour train ride). Since then, we've talked on Facebook most days with her starting the conversation as I haven't had the page open when she's logged on.
I've also spent some more time alone with her yesterday because she's gotten sick since she came here and I lent her my humidifier to help her. She invited me in and we watched a half hour thing from last school year that I thought she'd enjoy.
In this short period I've really become attracted to her but I don't know if it would be too soon to ask her out seeing as we've only known each other for a couple days. She's also already told me some thing's that I'd consider more personal and has even joked that I need to spill the beans on my life now. | I've only known a girl that I work with for about 5 days and don't know if it's too soon to ask her out or if I should wait a bit and get to know her more before I make the move. |
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