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t3_exo56 | AskReddit | I'm not really sure what else I can do to help her. Ideas? | I'm kind of at my wits end here. My little sister (17 yrs old) moved to a new, private, all-girls school. She's always been a kind of fringe character, given her love of Doctor Who and 80s glam punk, but everything I hear about this new school sounds awful. She's never gotten anything less than an A in her life; now, she is getting Cs regularly. She used to have a few close friends, not many, but enough. Now she tells me that people talk about her behind her back and won't talk to her when she tries to join conversations. Teachers have always loved her, but she tells me that these ones hate her and refuse to help her.
I know that part of her problem is that she lives with my Dad (our parents are divorced) and that is an awful, terrible fate that I would never wish on *anyone*. Seriously, he typed her up a list of 28 reasons why she was a liar and a cheat and gave it to her one morning before school. But that can't be all of it. I know that she has low self-esteem and isn't the most mature, but I've tried to talk to her about what she could do to fix things and make friends. Or at least get awesome grades so she can get out of that hell hole and go to an awesome college. She ignores everything I suggest.
I guess my question is then: has anyone else ever dealt with this before? How did you deal with it? I never had this problem in high school, I was quiet enough to sneak by any bullying and I'm not as polarizing as she seems to be. What else could I do to help her? | My sister moved to a new school and her grades have dropped and she's being ostracized and has no friends, but she won't listen t my advice. Any ideas on how I can help her? |
t3_3wexcx | relationships | Me (27M) is letting my depression ruin my relationships. Need some advice | Well here I am trying to find out what to do. I do not really know how to deal with this all that well as it has been haunting me for many years. I am a 27M that has been dealing with pretty bad depression stemming from years of living a rather rough life. I did not have this issue until after a few years of leaving the military. I depoyed to Iraq and then for 2 years was a contractor in Afghanistan. When I got back I really did not adjust well relationship wise. Living most of my adult life drinking and not really worrying about tomorrow has translated terribly into civilian life. I always treated every day as my last and partied really hard to avoid having to face the reality that this lifestyle will end one day.
Now that I am living a "normal" life I feel like I do not have the skills to maintain a relationship. Everytime something gets serious I always freak out. Like life is going to take this dull pace from there on out. That is when the self implosion happens. I start drinking and really fuck things up. Pulling back is my go to. I almost try and dissapear, drinking and having terrible dreams. I have dated quite a few women, I am a fairly attractive and personable guy. I think that many of the girls I meet see me as a project to fix. they always say at the end I could have been something great. I could be a grat man and develop a loving relationship, just need to figure out how to change my reaction to the situation. Any ideas on how to overcome myself? | Really adverse to getting in relationship. Breaking up as soon as it gets serious due to depression. getting wasted a lot to end things. Need help to find a way to get out of this cycle |
t3_2pgbad | tifu | TIFU by tripping balls in public | This happened yesterday. I was on my way to a friends house, and I took 3 grams of shrooms (first time doing shrooms) before I ventured out to his house. I have tripped before, so I knew I had a good hour which is way more than enough time (or so I thought)
Turns out, the buses were delayed for some reason I don't remember. So I had to wait a LONG time before the first bus came. I take 3 buses to get to his house. That shit started kicking in on the second bus. I was getting giggly, and could feel my body getting high, or poisoned (same thing right). At this point in just staring out the window hoping no one sees my eyes. I am so confused at this point I am starting to lose track of where I am, who I am, and where I'm going. Then the bus announces my stop, I get off, high as fucking balls, and venture out to my friends house. Top bad I went the wrong way. So an hour later, I'm completely fried, but I've tripped before so I knew I was going to be ok, I just could not focus to save my life. I remembered I had my phone. I pulled that bitch out and it took me like 5 minutes to unlock. Lol. I called my friend, explained situation, and he came and picked me up. He was not tripping balls. So, it could have been much worse. But it was pretty bad, I thought everyone could hear my thoughts and we were all reading each others minds. That was pretty freaky. At one point it sounded like voices were coming from inside my head, but through some kind of radio transmitter. Fuck shrooms, at least in that situation. | Took shrooms before going to friends house, string of events made trip not fun. Nothing too bad. Do not try outside of your home. |
t3_3370s3 | relationships | I [M/20] broke up with my girlfriend [F/21] just under two months ago. Today I watched a film that put everything into perspective and I am now, truthfully, on the road to finally moving on for good! | **Warning: Avoid this film if you only broke up very recently! I advise this film only to those who feel ready to move on.**
I (M/20) broke up with my first girlfriend (same age) in early March and, like all breakups, it was my darkest ~~hour~~ chapter!
Anyway, fast forward to today and I feel like I can actually move on fully now. I feel like I can let go of my feelings for her. I feel safe.
It was all thanks to a film titled "Men, Women and Children" and is all about relationships and breakups in all ages e.g. Strained Marriage, Divorce, ~~Over-protective~~ Psychobitch spying mother.
The film really highlighted lots of points for me with the most notable one being to never give up and to always look ahead because, above everything else, it is going to fine!
**Note: The film only holds 31% on Rotten Tomatoes and, whilst I can understand why critics hated it, I still think it's a very good film to watch so please don't let the critics put you off | After a month and a half of post breakup trauma, I can truthfully say I am on the road to recovery to my old self again. It was all thanks to the film, "Men, Women and Children". |
t3_fh4iq | AskReddit | Woke up with 2 people in my apartment today, one coming in my bedroom, both wearing blue surgical gloves, what should I do? | So around 11 am this morning (yes I am lazy and slept in on a Monday) I woke up with a man walking into my bedroom. The first thing I noticed was that he was wearing blue surgical gloves (the nitrile kind), he paused and said that he was here to check our air conditioner filters. I live in a graduate dorm outside of Chicago so it's might cold here, certainly no reason to be using the air conditioner. He goes over to it and pulls it out and says it's a little dirty and takes it into the kitchen washes it and comes back and puts it back in. I then hear another voice in the apartment and there is another man I can see through the door to my bedroom (I'm still in bed naked at this point, yes, that's how I sleep, deal with it). He's also got gloves on. The other guy says something to me that I don't really catch and they both walk out of my apartment. After the shock of waking up with strange men in my bedroom wore off, I got out of bed and went and checked the apartment. I then checked our airconditioner filter in the living room and it was quite dirty still, no signs of being cleaned and there are only the 2 ACs in the place. I'm somewhat weired out by the whole thing and I'm not really sure what to do about it. | I woked up with 2 gloved men in my apartment, one of whom was coming into the bedroom, they said something about cleaning air conditioner filters, but only cleaned the one in my bedroom, then left. |
t3_qvjg2 | relationships | One-way relationship? | My boyfriend (20) and I (also 20) have been together for over 2.5 years. We both still live at our parents. He's on seasonal leave and I'm in University. For over a year and a half now, I feel as though it's a one-way relationship. I'm more of HIS girlfriend, rather than us being a couple. I always go to his house, we always do what he wants, his parents love me, his siblings and their partners do too and I met most of his extended family. I hang out with his friends quite often.
Him? He can't even name my best friends, because he always refuses to hang out with them. He hasn't been to my house for over a year, and hasn't seen my parents for about that long too. He refuses to have anything to do with my parents or my brother because he dislikes them. I'm not asking him to be best friends with them or anything... But it kind of sucks when he refused to come on my birthday, for thanksgiving and for new years (with christmas gifts from my parents to him) at my house, just so he wouldn't have to deal with my parents. Family is very important to me.
It scares me that if this goes on, and we end up getting married, is he going to refuse to be at our own wedding because my parents will be there? Will he refuse to invite them?
So, i'm asking for your unbiased opinion. Am I expecting too much of him, or what I expect from him is normal? Should I end things sooner than later because of this? Also, this isn't our only relationship problem, just the main one, according to me. | Boyfriend hates my family and friends and refuses to see them. Didn't even want to come over when they offered him gifts. Should I end it? Am I asking too much? |
t3_44iqtc | relationships | I [26/m] am bothered that my GF [25/f] continues to text a guy friend she knows is in love with her. | We've been together officially for five months now, and were seeing each other for a month before that. When I asked her if she wanted to make things official, she said that she had some unresolved feelings for someone and wanted to clear everything on her plate before committing to a relationship, and ultimately decided to just remain friends with him and start a relationship with me. It's been great.
There's one guy who messages her a lot, likes every post on her Facebook (except the ones I'm in), and comments on most of her photos. She doesn't hide the fact that she messages him; she told me he's a friend, and admitted that he likely does have a crush on her. He know's that we're together. I trust her, but it bothers me, especially knowing this might be the guy she had unresolved things with.
She left her account logged in on my laptop, and a message notification appeared on my screen when I opened Chrome. I understand it's a breach of privacy, and I would never think of looking through her phone, but I couldn't help myself and looked at a few recent messages. He calls her babe, is talking about how he would love to have her come on an upcoming vacation he has booked, and there's even a few sexual innuendos in there, thankfully none of while my girlfriend reciprocated. But it bothers me that she doesn't put a stop to it. Doesn't tell him that it's out of line, and that she's in a relationship, which he already knows anyway. I'm going be going away for 6 weeks for work soon, and I can't stand the thought of this guy trying to get her to spend time with him, knowing that I'm away. I trust her, but I don't trust him.
Should I tell her that it's bothering me? How do I do that without making it sound like I'm accusing her, and without her knowing that I read a few of the messages (which I'm actually ashamed of reading in the first place)? Should I message him? Or am I just overreacting? | GF continues to text a guy she knows is in love with her. It makes me uncomfortable. Should I say something and, if so, how do I do it without it sounding like I'm accusing her. |
t3_2tdn57 | relationships | Me [20M] with my SO [20F]. Issue with imbalance of love/care in the relationship. Been bothering me for a while | >me and my SO are in a long distance relationship and
>she just asked me to buy plane tickets to see her in the summer
>I said that I will check out the ticket prices.
>She got mad that I said that because she said she would never hesitate to buy tickets to see me and that I am being unfair and ungrateful for how much she has to work her minimum wage job to buy tickets to see me.
>she then brings up how there is always an issue of how I seem to care less than her about the relationship
I have for a long time felt that I indeed do care less about the relationship than she does, but that doesn't mean that I don't love her. I feel that I love having her in my life and it makes me extremely happy to see her the few times that I actually do get to see her. | Question is: what do I say to her now? Because there's no changing the fact that her priorities and mine are different, and I'm not sure what she wants me to say here. |
t3_1mk340 | relationships | Am I [27M] waiting for Ms. Right, or making excuses to avoid sex/intimacy? | I'm still a virgin at age 27. These days, at least, it's not for lack of opportunity; I usually have dates with three or four different people in a month. The problem I have is not with attracting women, or asking them out, etc. but with feeling comfortable enough to become physically involved with someone.
I do want to get emotionally close to someone, and I like the idea of having sex. Sort of. It's confusing! Sometimes it feels like something I wish I could get rid of entirely.
I don't come from a religious background, but I do seem to have an idea in my head that sex is something other people do, and that I'll risk losing who I am if I get into bed with someone -- not to mention the other possible consequences of diseases, pregnancy, etc. I don't know how I could trust someone enough to risk all of that. I certainly never have before.
I just assumed that I'd eventually fall in love with someone who made all of this feel all right, but it hasn't happened yet, and I'm starting to worry.
Part of it could be that most people seem to want to get sexually involved much earlier than I'm comfortable with. Of course I shoulder much of the blame in that I feel extremely uncomfortable bringing up the topic of my G-rated past.
I ask all of you this because I'm suspicious of the rationalizations I give myself when things like this happen: I went to the family planning aisle of the pharmacy recently and had a panic attack just at the thought of buying condoms. Strange stuff, and it doesn't lend credence to my 'saving myself for the one' narrative.
Anyway, I've exhausted my mental resources in trying to deal with this, and so I turn to you in hopes that you can shine some light on the situation. | I'm still a virgin at 27, and I don't know anymore whether it's because I haven't met the right woman, or because I'm afraid of sex. |
t3_23nia8 | relationships | I [19F] have been seeing a guy [20M] for about 4 months. He refuses to go down on me. Is it petty of me to break up with him over this? | I'll try to keep it short for you guys. Met this guy at uni and have been together for almost 4 months now. We have a lot in common and he is an all around great guy. I have so much fun with him and he makes me incredibly happy. Our sex life is pretty good except he won't go down on me. Now this is a HUGE deal for me since it is very hard for me to orgasm unless it's through oral. He won't even try it. He says it's disgusting and not something he will EVER consider but is perfectly fine with me going down on him.
As much as I like him, I want to break up with him over this. We have talked about it a lot but he just is not willing to do this for me. I don't want to be with someone who isn't willing to pleasure me so I feel like there's no point to the relationship. I am young and know I could meet other people. The only thing that gives me pause is that I told some of my friends about it and they wrote me off as petty and not "mature enough" for a relationship if I would break it off because of just this.
Normally, I wouldn't care and would just do what I wanna do but for some reason this has been really weighing on me. Our relationship is pretty close to perfect: my friends/family likes him, he's supportive, makes me happy, and is cute to boot. He just is grossed out by giving oral. Everyone seems to think I'm crazy for breaking it off with him over this. What I guess want from reddit is to have my feelings validated so I can breakup with him without feeling crazy. So, is this worth breaking up over? | BF refuses to go down on me so I want to break up with him but am unsure if this is worth giving up an otherwise great relationship. |
t3_46tdhf | relationships | Me [22 F] with my BF [23 M] 8months, trying to let go of fear | It's so cliché but I'm a self conscious, insecure woman with a history of letdowns and heartbreaks that I internalized to the point where now I'm with a really f*cking amazing man, and i'm so scared of disappointing him or not pleasing him that I'm constantly trying to over explain my motives for everything and taking the blame for minor mistakes.
I've apparently always done this, but this is the first time I've tried to stop. I don't want anyone in a relationship with me to feel like they have to cater to my insecurities all the time. It's not like I'm a jealous GF; I trust him. It's ME I don't trust. He's been working with me really well so far, wiping my tears and reassuring me, but I feel so guilty for having to place this burden of my own scars on him. He's so good to me; it feels like we've known each other longer than we really have, and miss each other even when we're apart for a day (yes, early love stuff I know). But the closer we get, the more I fear that my flaws will push him away. I'm also scared of loving and doting on him too much, until he feels smothered, because I'm a very PDA loving, verbally expressive person when I fall in love.
I'm the problem here. How do I force myself out of this mess without leaning on him too much to help? Because he really is passionate about loving all of me, but deep down this voice is telling me that even he will have his limits, and I'll only hold him back. But I don't want to lose him. | i'm with a good man and i'm scared my self-consciousness will push him away. how do I get rid of it without leaving it all up to him? |
t3_3zg8j6 | personalfinance | Opinion on leaving a Secure Full-Time Paid Job that you hate, for an International Voluntary Internship of your dreams? | Hello Reddit,
I am wrestling with a major life decision right now and request your opinions. I appreciate any serious advice and I will try to keep this as concise as possible:
* Who I Am:
I am a 24 year old Female Civil Engineering Graduate
* Education:
I graduated in 2014 with a cumulative GPA<3.0, but a Major GPA>3.5
* Current Job:
Working as Structural Engineer at an engineering design firm that works in the power generation sector. | Reddit, what is your opinion on this: You want to work abroad REALLY BADLY, you want to leave the job you hate, and have received an opportunity to work at the startup of your dreams, BUT it's unpaid? |
t3_3y8zbb | relationships | I [21F] think there's something wrong with me because although I have a very active libido, I no longer desire or am interested in sex. | In order to not get super into detail about my incredibly vibrant sex life, I'll just sum it up like this: I love having sex. I love it, I always have, I've loved it before I even lost my virginity. I could walk down the street and even the thought of someone seeing me in tight jeans turned me on.
At the age of 21, I've had about fifteen partners. Three long term boyfriends. Four long term flings.
Recently, however, I've begun to explore the deep seeded desire I've always had to have sex with a girl or start dating girls. I think I've always been closeted bisexual or bicurious, but never had the chance to explore it until now.
At the same time, I'm still sleeping with my ex boyfriend (we're friends) and another guy. But I'm just no longer interested in it anymore. I'm sexually attracted to both guys because they're great, but I just feel like everything I'm doing is phony. From dirty texting to the actual physical act of having sex, I'm just not enjoying it and struggling to get to an orgasm.
Could this be linked to my possible sexuality confusion? Or is this normal for woman to go through? | Used to be a horndog. Now questioning my sexuality and no longer interested in having heterosexual sex as much anymore. Wondering if something is wrong with me or if this is because I think I might be bisexual. |
t3_4biub2 | relationships | Me(27m) am I being to clingy? (33f) | Hey all,
I have even single for about 2 years. I got out of a bad relationship and needed time to work on myself and figure me out. I met Jane through a friend and went on a blind date. I thought it went really well, we connected a lot and have similar upbringings. We've gone out a few more times since mostly me initiating. We've talked about being exclusive but nothing has been determined. This has all been about 3 weeks
So she recently went on a trip out of the country and I haven't heard from her at all unless I text first. I don't want to become the clingy whose always texting to see how she's doing and how her trip is going. I really do like her and it's been a while since I've been in a relationship and don't want to mess this up. So I guess the question is should i just leave her to her trip and let her text me?
Prior to the trip we text everday and I'd see her at every couple of days. I just don't want her to think I'm a clingy needy guy. I just like texting to see how she's doing. | been seeing a girl for 3 weeks she's on vacation and not texting as much, am I being to clingy? |
t3_2f6yph | cats | My cats first homemade birthday present. Nailed it. | After spending weeks convincing my dog loving girlfriend that our living situation could only handle a cat, we rescued a cat named Tannis from an owner off Craigslist in Brooklyn who claimed her roommates cats were terrorizing her. We adopted her and immediatly changed her name to Zoe because Tannis just didn't seem to fit her in any way.
When we got Zoe, she was 2 years old and was as small as a kitten and had a super quiet, adorable squeek of a meow. She hid from us for almost a month and barely ate or went to the bathroom and when would manage to get her out, she would rarely let us touch her without her swatting or biting. My girlfriend and I, and now Zoe lived in a tiny 400 sq. Ft. Studio apartment, so she didn't have too many places to hide from us, except for one tiny space under our futon. So naturally, over time because she was forced to be close to us, she shed most of her anxiety.
One thing that seemed to always make her feel safe was a cardboard scratching pad or just a simple box top. After making sure we always had a supply on hand she has changed for the better. Now she can't be without us, she is at a normal weight, her squeek has evolved into a, still timid, but much louder, assertive meow.
We realised after 2 years of owning her we dont knew her birthday and have never celebrated one for her. I looked in my emails for when we got her and determined we got her on Aug 28th 2012. So we decided to make her birthday then, so according to us...if we got her 2 years ago at the age of 2, then that would make her 4 this week.
We just got a bunch of grocery's off Amazon that came in several boxes recently. So I told my girlfriend to design her a cat house from the boxes and I will attempt to build it. Since cardboard boxes have been such a significance in her life with us I thought this would be a prefect gift, and not to mention affordable. | Realised we never got my cat a birthday present in the 2 years we owned her. We had extra cardboard boxes lying around so the girlfriend designed a house and I attempted to build it. Our cat loves it. |
t3_31w13y | tifu | TIFU by reading TIFU's in class | Unlike Mose TIFUs, this just happened like 10 minutes ago.
A bit of backstory, I'm a junior in high school and I find school, for the most part, easy. Everything really, except for math. Since the 7th grade I've been a year ahead in math (as far as my schools curriculum goes) but it just doesn't come as naturally as all of the other subjects. Right now I'm taking an honors trigonometry/pre-calculous course, but I digress. Anyways the teacher, shall we say, teaches in a style that I don't quite understand. Thus, this entire year has kinda been self taught in this course. Somehow I've managed to pass the past three quarters, one with a c and two with mid b's.
Now onto the FU(s). Since I basically teach myself, in class I try to pay attention, but I mostly find myself reading TIFUs for "school research" and entrainment purposes (a growing FU leading to today). So today I had a quiz on three lessons. "What's the problem?" you might ask. Well, last night I forgot to teach it to myself. Shit... Just to add that, they were hard lessons. Shit x2.... Anywho, there I was cramming until it was time for the satan spawn quiz that will most likely ruin everything. I walk into class, clear my mind, and prepare myself to accept defeat. When he hands it out the quiz I can do nothing but stare at it. I can almost hear it telling me how my mom is gonna flip her shit at take away my social life and how it'll ruin my gpa and how colleges won't care and all that stuff the mind spews out when in stress. By the end of the quiz, I had finished one problem. One God damn problem, out of six. If I got that right, and there's no curve, I got a 17. Seven-fuckin-teen. I'm still cringing and I feel like my social life will soon be stripped from men.
Moral of the story: take school seriously | don't read TIFUs when you shouldn't be reading them or else you'll probably be writing one in the future about it. |
t3_2j68r5 | loseit | NSV; Made the right split decision! | I was debating between going home and cooking myself a healthy dinner or taking the easy route and grabbing some fast food. My craving for a burger was nearly insatiable. I LOVE Checker's burgers. (Popular American burger place) I was really craving a Big Buford with no tomatoes and no pickle. I wanted to order 2 sandwiches because I hate their french fries and my eyes were doing that thing where the are being much, much bigger than my stomach.
As I was waiting at the traffic light, I was torn between turning around and cooking or fulfilling my guilty pleasure.
Pulling in helped me decide.
Sitting at an outside table was a couple who had just finished a meal from Checker's. The gentleman was most definitely morbidly obese while his girlfriend was most likely obese. Both looked as though they were in a comatose with eyelids half shut and their t-shirts tight as a drum head over their bellies. From a glance, I could see grease stains on the man's shirt, and neither of them were smiling. They looked depressed and sullen.
That's when I made a right turn instead of the left turn that lead into the drive-thru. I then went home to make a very satisfying home cooked meal of Jasmine rice, a baked, seasoned chicken breast, corn, and unsweetened, hot green tea.
Best split decision on food that I've ever made. How about you guys here on r/loseit? Have you ever had an experience like this? If so, I'd love to hear about it! :) | Decided to go home and cook a healthy meal instead of eating fast food because I saw a very unhealthy couple eating there. |
t3_2gfbnh | relationships | Should I [18M] tell her [17F] how I really feel or should I just wait and see what happens between us? | I [18M] really really like her [17F]. We're both more mature for our ages. I've never liked any one this much before. I've had a few girlfriends and FWB's. I just don't know if she feels the same. A week ago she said she liked me so much it scared her. The other day she said she couldn't be in a relationship because she has to do really well on the SATs to get into her dream school. I don't know if I should tell her how I feel or if I should just see what happens between us. I want to tell her her how I feel because it's burning a hole in my mind not to. I just don't want it to screw up our entire relationship.
She goes to college in a year and I just want to spend the year that we have left dating her and getting closer to her. We've kissed a few times but that was before the crap about the SATs. I don't know what to do reddit. If it helps I go to community college and we met in high school two years ago. | I'm not sure if I should tell her how I really feel or if I should just see what happens between us. We've kissed but she is busy with school. |
t3_q3p5e | AskReddit | My gf is talking to someone who made her cut and brand herself, because she wants to help him. What is the dumbest things someone close to you has done? | My girlfriend, who I have spent 7 months of my life getting out of cutting/branding/self harm, is talking to one of the people who made her feel like she needed to do that again. We're both Christians (I'm not a good one, I'm a fairly bad person. Apologies for how some "christians" act) and she wants to show the love of God. Which is reasonable, but I know she's going to get hurt again, she knows she's going to get hurt and I spent three hours yesterday talking her down from branding herself again after this guy cussed her out. Nothing I've said has helped her see that this is a bad idea. I'm wondering what the hell? | Gf is talking to a guy who made her hate herself, and won't understand why this is a bad idea. |
t3_3phsjn | dogs | [Help] How to introduce new dog to adult cat? | Hello all, new to this sub and hopefully to dog ownership and would appreciate any advice you might be able to give.
My wife and I would like to adopt a dog, we haven't selected a breed yet however there is a beautiful 4 year old Min Pin cross at our local shelter that is supposedly good with cats. My brother has a Min Pin cross and we love his energy level and temperament. We have a good sized fenced in back yard and feel that we have enough time to keep him/her mentally engaged and well exercised.
We have a 4 year old cat that is outgoing and curious but still pretty unsure of dogs, tends to run away and hide under the bed when we have one in the house (we've never had one in the house for more than an overnight though). We've been reading what we can find online as far as how to introduce them to each other, but we're looking for any advice y'all might be able to give as far as how we can prepare the cat to have a new family member and advice on what breeds to go after. Of course we'd love for them to be best buds, but as long as they can learn to tolerate each other and have the cat not feel as though his territory has been encroached on I'll consider it a small success.
Thanks! | Want to adopt a dog, have 4 year old cat, any recommendations on breed or how to make them get along would be splendid. |
t3_1itw36 | relationship_advice | Girlfriend [20/F] and I [21/M] were talking marriage a week ago. She now tells me she wants a break and can't guarantee me anything. Help me find the words. | My GF and I have been dating almost 11 months. We go to the same University and we have unbelievable chemistry and a ridiculous amount in common. We've even been talking about getting married for a while now (perhaps a bit premature but the relationship was moving at light speed, something that we handled just fine). We've been living about an hour apart this summer due to internships and see each other only on weekends which has been a bit tough on us. There was also an incident this summer where she decided to take a co-op in the fall and I was upset that I wouldn't be able to see her much in the fall again (long story short). I was definitely in the wrong about that whole situation and am very remorseful. She told me last week that she thinks it's best if we take a break and spend some time apart, mainly because I didn't show enough support for her taking the co-op. She said that I shouldn't wait for her to come back and we should treat ourselves like single people for the time being. But she also said she would definitely consider getting back together, that i'm her best friend and she still loves me.
I know for a fact that the two of us made each other as happy as we've ever been while we were seeing each other every day at school (we were basically living together). I also know that I want to marry this woman. But I'm terrified that she won't want me back.
She agreed that I made her very happy. When I asked if she wanted that back, she said yes but she doesn't know if can ever get back to the way it was. She said even if it could, she's not sure she wants to because of how she was hurt (the co-op thing).
I know what I want here but the best I can get out of her is uncertainty. How do I get this amazing girl back and make her believe I can make her happy again. | Amazing girl and I were talking marriage. She wants a break due to long distance relationship and my lack of showing support. Help me find the words to get her back. |
t3_13n59e | AskReddit | I just broke up with my boyfriend of four and a half years; reddit, what's gotten you through heartbreak? | I met him when I was 15. We started out friends and began dating a few months before our 16th birthdays. He had a drug problem back then, mainly prescription pills. For the first two years of our relationship we battled to get him clean. The last two and a half have been wonderful for the most part (All relationships have their trials). Today, when cleaning out his work pockets for laundry, I found a baggie of Percocets. He admitted they were his and I told him we were over and told him to take his stuff and leave.
This is the only man I've ever loved, ever slept with, ever been in a real relationship with. I've never faced this kind of heartbreak. I wanted to marry him. So I'm asking, how have you gotten through heartbreak? Especially first love? | My ex-addict boyfriend relapsed, and I left him. I've never faced this kind of heart break and want some tips (do's and don'ts) on how to get through it. |
t3_1koqde | relationships | Alright Reddit. I'm brand new, a lady, and in need of some male advice. | Alright so, after surfing reddit for a long time now, I came across the post about girls making the first move and I need some advice.
Here's the back story:
Guy friend [22] and I [21] have always been a bit flirty, early on in high school he used to walk me home, sometimes we'd play old school crash bandicoot together and just hang out like friends. Then last year of high school I got duped. I thought he was leaning in for kiss, proceeds to ask if my best friend is single. Crushed. Anyways fast forward four years, its after college, we've both dated quite a few other people, my old best friend is married now, and me and this guy have stayed great friends but never lost that flirty factor.
Now we're both in our twenties and not shy fifteen year olds anymore. I'm on a trip out of state and he is flying out so we can road trip home together. I'm recently out of a relationship (6 months single) and I know he's single as well. I have been toying with the idea that it might be the perfect time to try moving up from friends to something else... But if he doesn't make the move, should I just go for it? | been great friends, always a little flirty, wondering as a girl, if I should be the one to finally make the move on him... |
t3_26ta46 | relationships | My (22M) girlfriend's (23F) daughter (3F) has severe separation, jealousy issues | My girlfriend and I have been dating for about six months. About a month ago I asked her to move in with me, and she did.
Her daughter, we'll call her "A", has always liked me a lot. That is, until they moved in. When they first moved in, she was fairly happy and it was all business as usual, but recently she's been overly "needy", I'd call it.
For example, I do all of the cooking in our house. So, after I finish cooking, I normally set the table for A and my girlfriend. This was fine when she first moved in, but in the past week or so, she's screamed like she was on fire until her mom picks up the plate, and then sets it back down in front of her.
She's also made it overly clear that I'm "not allowed" to sit next to her mom, or kiss or, or put my arm around her.
Also, when girlfriend is asleep but A and I are awake, she'll say "Hey, where's mom?". When I tell her that she's asleep, she starts screaming, I'm assuming, to wake her up.
Strangely enough, when A and I go to the store and leave her mom at home, A is fine, and we normally have a good time. It seems to me like she's cool with me until her mom is around.
Another thing: When all 3 of us are out in town and I go to get her out of her car seat, she yells "momma help me!"
I know that she's 3, and that she has no concept of what appreciation is, but since I am the sole provider for all 3 of us, it would be nice if she appreciated me, at least a little bit. Girlfriend tells me every day that one day she'll appreciate me, but right now I feel like I'm running ragged. I do a lot to make the little girl like me, but I'm at the end of my rope, nearly. | Girlfriend's daughter is unappreciative, I try to be understanding but am apparently failing. Is this sort of thing normal, and how do I cope? |
t3_2wup14 | relationships | Me [25F] with my BF [27M] of 5 months, not sure how to respond when he asks me why I stay with him despite him not being the "good looking guy girls like me go for" | I met my boyfriend, let's call him Pete, through a close friend, and we hit it off from the start. He's funny, down-to-earth, smart and a little nerdy - just what I have been looking for. We hung out a couple of times, and the attraction was really obvious. After about a month of hanging out, we decided to give a relationship a try.
Since getting together I have never been happier. Pete is caring, tells me he loves me constantly, never does anything that makes me doubt his feelings for me. We have a LOT of fun, and every day I spend with him makes me fall that much more in love with him.
The only thing that bugs me (and I know this is a small issue in the grand scheme of things, and compared to some of the things we see here in this sub), is that he constantly asks me if I am bothered by the fact that he's not as good looking as some of the guys I could be with. I admit, he's not what you would consider a hunk, but he's tall and though not muscular, carries his weight well. I used to be slightly overweight, but lost 20 lbs before I met him (currently 135lbs, 5'4"). He always tells me how attractive I am, and I feel like he does not think he "measures up".
I want to assure him that I am with him for who he is, and that he is not as bad looking as he makes himself out to be, but I also don't want to make him feel unworthy of me. What would you say to him if you were in my shoes, /r/relationships? | Boyfriend of 5 months brings up his lack of good looks once every week or so. How do I convince him that I love him and he is more than just looks to me without making him feel physically unattractive ? |
t3_3jp0cb | pettyrevenge | Ozzy Osbourne's son Jack wants his stolen cell phone back and enages in some epic revenge. | On FB today, Ozzy's son Jack posted that his iPhone had been stolen earlier in the day and that he was really upset because the phone contained an irreplaceable video of his 2nd daughter being born. He located the phone using a location app and figured out that it was inside a residential home in Long Beach. He called the police to tell them he knew where his phone was located and the police told him they wouldn't do anything about it. Frustrated, Jack [posts this] showing all of his 300,000+ FB followers EXACTLY where this person lives, right down to the house.
About 30 minutes later, he posts again that several of his followers had given him the thief's name and contact information, and that the thief claims to have "found" the phone. It should also be noted that there were others who posted under this that said they had had electronics stolen that also turned up at the same address.
Given the ruthlessness and genius deviousness that people on the Internet can engage in with a simple home address, coupled with the insanity of Ozzy/Sharon/Jack/Kelly fans, and I'm willing to bet that person is going to decide to move soon. | Jack's cell phone is stolen, the thief's mailbox will soon be full of pig's blood and headless bats. |
t3_2vx9dm | relationships | My [24F] ex fiancé [28M] wants to hurt himself? | After a month of no contact with my ex, he chooses today to "check up" on me. When I didn't reply for a few hours he sent me a text talking about how everyone ignores him and how he won't be bothering me or anyone else again, that he'll be gone forever, goodbye, etc etc
There was one episode where he wanted to walk out into traffic when we were together because he thought I was going to leave him, but I'm not sure he would have done it, even if I hadnt been there to stop it.
We both contributed to it ending, though he takes no responsibility for his part. He only blamed me. He became abusive at the end of it (mostly emotional/verbal, slight physical) and I've been trying to distance myself from all the pain. But I still feel a bit of responsibility to reach out and try to help.
Has anyone been in this situation? We were no good for each other, I know that. He was very evil to me in the past. I ignored him, but I'm scared for his life.
I wonder if it's just because it's valentines day? He says he hates his life and is tired of being alone. But shoot, if being single for a month and a half is too much for him, it IS going to be a rough life.
Anyone have any suggestions? I don't want to get sucked back in, but I don't want to hear that something bad happened to him either. | what do you do when your ex is telling you they might do something that will hurt them but you really don't want to get sucked back in to their crap? |
t3_1wgbe2 | relationships | (Dating) Me [26M] with my neurotic classmate [20F] - Give her a shot, or avoid possible mental issues? | Girl in one of my college classes is really into me. She's cute, but she seems really...neurotic about guys/dating.
I've seen girls that are just inexperienced and nervous, and she's not giving off that feeling. There's an element of desperation there that a girl as cute as her shouldn't have. This is setting off alarm bells that I can't quite put my finger on.
Normally I write off girls who give off this vibe, but I haven't dated for a while, so today I was thinking, "Why shouldn't I give her a chance? Maybe she's really cool, and she's just super nervous". And part of me thinks that if there are emotional issues, who's to say I can't help her get over them? I have my act together enough to help her out, assuming she isn't a psycho.
Can any girls here relate to what I'm describing? Have you felt way too invested in a guy before getting to know him? Do you think it would have been a good experience for the both of you to get together, or are you kind of glad it didn't happen? | Girl in my class has an infatuation with me. She's cute enough to not have to care so much (she doesn't know me). Setting off alarm bells. Date or steer clear? |
t3_yoy5w | relationships | (Ex)boyfriends second choice? Not sure what to do. | So my boyfriend (18) of 14 months broke up with me (20) a few months ago but it's not ben a clean break in the slightest. We still see each other all the time, sleep over at each others whenever we get the chance, etc. We have the 'going out' talk once in a while but always come to the conclusion to not make it official as it's easier because his family wnd some of his friends really do not like me so we'd have to keep it secret from mostly everybody anyways. He also still tells me he loves me.
Recently things have changed a bit though. It's all great and lovely when we're together but as soon as he leaves it gets all fucked up. It's hard to contact hm as he barely ever texts back or talks on facebook. Then, a lot of times when he says he'll see me a certain day he ditches me for anyone else who asks him if he wants to hang out and i feek like i'm only a second choice for when he's got nothing better to do and is bored.
I'm just not sure what to do about it because every time i mention it he says he's sorry and it won't happen again and then he does exactly the same thing all over again. | Boyfriend, exboyfriend, whatever you call it only seems to see me when he's got nothing better planned. Not sure if just being used. |
t3_4kcct6 | relationships | My [22F] SO [24M] is overly flirty and tells other girls they are hot/sexy/beautiful, and thinks it's a simple compliment whereas I think it's over the line. Am I overthinking? How do I get this across? | My SO is generally a flirty person and for some reason he feels the need to comment on other people's appearance. I think it's fine to tell someone they look nice that day, but he'll say stuff to our friends like you look hot, beautiful, or sexy. Even his friends thought something he said the other day sounded a bit much and gave him a hard time about it. Am I wrong to think this is inappropriate/crossing a line? I think about if I went up to one of our guy friends and said, "wow, you look sexy today X!" It would be totally weird to everyone.
Go ahead and think what you want, but why do you have to say it? He thinks it's just a compliment and an alternate to calling someone beautiful (which I also don't really see the need to do constantly). Am I overthinking this here or am I right to be annoyed? I feel like when I bring it up he'll just say it doesn't mean anything and he's just complimenting them...and go right back to doing the same thing. | Should I be ok with my SO telling our female friends they look hot/beautiful/sexy? I can't think of any of my other guy friends that are in relationships saying this to other people, ever. |
t3_4lt4oy | relationships | Help! Me (25f) and my two sisters (29 and 30). They aren't happy I will be getting engaged soon! | So background is my middle sister is getting married in September after being with her boyfriend of 9 years and has been upset when her thunder has been stolen by me buying a house with my boyfriend in February. My other sister has been with her boyfriend for 9 years and he has not proposed.
I have been in my relationship for 3 years now. We bought a house with his dad a few months ago and he just took me shopping and we picked out an engagement ring.
Now the oldest sister let's call her Becky, has made tons of comments on how if I get engaged first she will quote on quote kill herself. The other sister Leslie has said that Becky thought me buying a house would be enough for awhile. Now my boyfriend is 31 and is older then both of theirs and he wants to start his life.
So all of this anxiety about wanting to be happy but wanting them to be happy has caused me to second guess a proposal anytime soon. I don't want to rain on Leslie's parade for her wedding in September and definitely don't want a ring before her bridal party in 2 weeks but I also feel why should I have to live in the shadows. Both sisters have always acted like mothers and tried to run my life and I just want peace. | have two older sisters who are not always nice and supportive in longer relationships who won't be happy for me. Just want to have a good relationship. |
t3_2pjc3t | relationships | I (22m) have been with this girl (22f). It's been pretty casual, I think she's avoiding me. | I was good friends with this girl. through a series of events we started casually dating, but it wasn't very well defined. I would like to make it something more serious.
But, for the last week or so she seemed to be avoiding me. She will text me back, but hasn't really initiated conversation. Every time I try to meet up with her she is busy or cancels last minute. She has been legitimately busy with two jobs, final projects, and moving into a new place, but I still think there was time available and she has specifically stayed away from me.
She came by my place the other day, but was there for a short time and left awkwardly.
It's really frustrating because if she just told me she wasn't into me anymore we could just go back to being friends. | been casually dating for 2 months. She seems to be avoiding me. I'd still like to be with her, but would be comfortable to returning platonic status. |
t3_1m7hxe | tifu | TIFU by letting my friends text people on my phone | So my friends took my phone during study hall to text people. I didn't really care because they always do. So I went to sleep. They returned the phone to me at the end of the period and everything seemed fine.
After school, some big ass dude came up to me and started confronting me. He was like "if you don't stop talking like that to my daughter, I'm going to report you to the police and the school." I've never gotten in major trouble in school so of course I freaked the fuck out. Turned out my friends sexted some girl from my phone. We knew each other's name, face, number, and nothing else. I apologized and told him it wasn't me but I think he didn't believe. Pretty sure the girl will never talk to me again. | Let friends have my phone during school. Turned out they sexted some girl and I was confronted by her dad. |
t3_4myadb | relationships | Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] for 6 years, should i rent a place with her or stay with my mom? | Hello,
first of all, sorry if my english is not good, it's not my native language.
i've been with my girlfriend for 6 years already, we're together since we are 15yo. I know we are very young, but we feel ready to leave our place to live together. I love her, i trust her and i know we can do it.
Financially, it would work... i make 2500$ per month and my girlfriend is a student but she makes like 200$ per week, this winter she will have a full time job. It's not a problem for me to pay 3/4 of the bills because i make more money than her and i know that when she will finish school we will be able to live together with no problem.
The problem is that i help my mother to pay the bills since my parents are divorced. I pay 250$ per month for the electricity bill and i buy some groceries when we need it. She owns a hair salon but she does not make 1000$ per week.... i think she would sell the house if i leave because it's useless to keep the basement empty. She is a very anxious woman and i don't want to let my mom alone, it's not easy for her. But i mean....someday i will need to leave, and my brother too... But she does not seem to think on the long term.
On the other hand i feel ready to live with my gf, but telling the new to my mother is a shit load of stress for me. I don't know how to tell her.
What should i do?
Thanks | I want to live with my girlfriend but i don't want to leave my place because telling my mother would be very stressful for her since my parents divorced recently. |
t3_2sc8s1 | jobs | I had a really great interview this morning but I have become concerned from lack of scheduled correspondence. | This morning I went to an interview for an entry level finance position as an assistant. Long story short the interview went great. During the interview I was told about two other positions that they were hiring for that I might be more interested in and could see me adding more value to the company in. Both of these positions are a step up from what I had originally applied for.
As the interview was wrapping up I was told that I would receive a call by 1 pm to talk about which position both they and I felt would be the best fit, and then if we were both still interested salary negotiations later tonight.
Well it is now way past 1 pm and I have not heard anything back. I called a couple of hours after 1 to check in but there was no answer so I left a quick message concerning why I called and who I was. It was the main office number and I do know they were planning on meeting with their CEO later in the day before calling me back.
I am just wondering if I should be concerned or not. Really I am just hoping they got busy with meetings and the CEO and have not been able to reach out to me or something of that nature. I plan on calling tomorrow afternoon if I have not heard anything back, but I just don't want it to seem to desperate even though I kind of am. | Good interview was told would hear back today, but have not heard anything back and trying not to shit a brick from worrying. |
t3_3duvkc | relationship_advice | My uncle (52/m) has a crappy business website, should I (28/m) tell him? | My uncle owns a small flower delivery company and has a really unprofessional looking website, with the following issues:
* Full of typos, even the company name is misspelled in some places
* Outdated design (from 10 years ago), blue letters on green background, which makes it difficult to read
* Images are taken from Google and badly photoshopped, they don't look anything like the bouquets he sells
* Doesn't explain how delivery/payment works. It just lists a phone number. No About Us section or any other info about him or the company.
I think he is losing out on a lot of potential business because of this.
I have some web design experience and would be happy to "make over" his website for free.
However, I'm not very close to him (only see him about 3-4 times per year at birthdays and during the holidays), so I don't know if he even realizes how bad the site is.
Should I let him know and offer to redo his site? If so, how do I go about it? | My uncle has a very crappy website for his flower delivery business. Should I tell him this and offer to give his website a makeover? |
t3_27tw1c | jobs | Can't decide between two summer jobs, help? | So I have two choices for summer work and am kind of stuck on which one I want to choose.
The first one is at a park an hour away from where I live. I love the people who work there, get along great with the managers and enjoy the experience as far as work goes. The biggest downside is the drive and the gas money. Working forty hours a week there, I earn about $290 and lose around $80 of that to gas each week. I was supposed to work there with several of my friends but they dropped out at the last minute.
The second job is as a driver at a local pizza place, where the max hours I can work is 20 a week. I enjoy the driving and don't mind the work (I don't enjoy it though). A lot of the managers/workers are disgruntled/gossipy people from my high school who got stuck working there and I don't get along with a lot of them. The ones I do get along with are almost never working my shifts. I can split the work with the park and work half of the week at each. I'd be making roughly $238 with gas accounted for this way but I'd be working six days a week to reach the forty hours.
On one hand, I've been coming off a bad depression and really wanted to have a summer where I enjoy it as much as possible and still have money. The first place would give me a consistent schedule, great coworkers and weekends off at the expense of a almost a third of my money being spent on gas. Splitting the two would mean working 6 days a week, half of which in a place I don't really like but for around an extra $30 weekly. | Should I choose the job I like but spend more gas money on or split it with a job I hate but don't spend as much gas on? |
t3_zy68z | relationship_advice | [22/f] unable to have rational conversation with mother [62/f] | Hi Reddit,
I have been having increasing trouble getting along with my mother recently. I am a graduate student and live at home while I find a new place closer to school.
My mom and I used to have a good relationship; we could usually work out disagreements in a reasonable way and amount of time. However recently, she and I keep snipping at each other and arguing more and more often. It's to the point where we are constantly upset with each other. And I'm not exactly sure what the cause is.
I tried to sit down with her today and talk about it. She took the same attitude she always does: she gets very defensive and asks "why we are even talking about this" because "we both already know you everything is my fault." I was not denying any blame nor blaming her. I was really trying to get to the underlying problem so that we could live together in peace for the next month or two. It is exhausting having someone be rude to you constantly and be rude to them right back. I really just wanted a solution.
I know that you cannot reason with someone who is being unreasonable, but I do not know of any other way to deal with the problem than talk it out. I just cannot get her to have a reasonable, honest conversation with me.
What do I do? | My mother and I are rude to each other constantly. In trying to smooth out the situation, she refuses to have a reasonable conversation with me. |
t3_483ka2 | relationships | Me [21M] Had one night stand during short breakup with girlfriend [21F] of 4 years, don't know what to do. | Long story short, I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years. The first two years she spent lying and going behind my back with her ex and I've spent the past two years trying to play catchup and let go of the past. A couple weeks ago she decided I can no longer be friends with my best friend who is a girl and gave me an ultimatum between her and my best friend. I told her I wouldn't make that decision and she told me we were done. Two nights ago at the bar I ended up going home with a girl I knew from high-school and then I get a call today from my girlfriend telling me she doesn't really want to end things with me. I'm kicking myself in the ass right now to say the least and I don't really know how to proceed from here. | girlfriend said we were done, had sex with someone, now girlfriend says she didn't really mean it and wants to work things out and I have no idea how to proceed. |
t3_3gx7db | relationships | Me [25 M] with my GF [26 F] of two years. After her medical operation, the way she communicates with me has changed negatively. Advice is welcome. | Throwaway account. I'll try to keep it short.
I recently was offered a 1 month construction contract in another country with a great payout, so I decided to make the trip. My GF was scheduled to have an minorly invasive operation done while I was away, and leading up to that our communication was great. Normal I love you's, texts, and emails. Calling was tough because of time difference and exorbitant cost, but I left messages when I could.
After her operation, however, our communication has dwindled. She hasn't sent me more than 5 text messages over the last week, though I've tried to initiate conversation. Any messages I do send get the little "Read" mark next to them, but she doesn't reply for hours; when she does, she also doesn't reciprocate my "I love you" or "I miss you."
Additionally, we used to send each other a daily email, but that's ground to a halt as well. I know she's not cheating, and I want to attribute the lack of communication and love to the drugs she's had to take combined with the stress of her job. Still, I'm confused as to how I should initiate the conversation about the lack of communication. I go home in a few days, and I don't want to make a fuss before I have a chance to talk to her face-to-face.
Any suggestions or advice would be welcome. Thank you all. | I go away for trip, GF has operation, seems like different person when communicating; I'm upset by the lack of response and love. |
t3_ia4fe | AskReddit | Is it worth it to continue a relationship into freshmen year of college? | So I'm kinda dating this girl right now. She is going to be a senior in high school and I'm going to be a freshmen in college. I'm going to college like 4 hours away. We both agreed to this "relationship" knowing it had an expiration date. Now that it's getting closer to our "expiration date" I'm wondering whether or not it has to expire (loving the metaphors). Is it worth my effort to continue this? There's no doubt she is an awesome girl (loves zelda and pokemon), but I feel like college is going to have so much more things for me to explore and this situation might be holding me back you know? | I leave for my first year of college. Is it worth it to keep my current girlfriend (who is a year younger) |
t3_4x1q6z | relationships | Me [32/F] dating a [28/M] for 6 months with trouble in our sex lives....already | I'd say we are intimate about 4-5 days a week, we don't live together so we spend time at each others places. Last night he expressed to me that I am not giving it up as much as he wants and said "it'd just be nice if when I'm ready to go, you at least follow through" implying that because he is ready to go, then I should be too. I explained to him that women and men are different in that women need a little finessing in getting aroused.
I woke up this morning still sort of steamed about that comment. It made me feel awful, like I'm being used. I understand sex is an important part of a relationship, but I'm not willing to fake it and do something I don't want to do because he's ready to go. In my opinion, that's not fair to either of us. | SO claims that because he's ready to go sexually, I should drop what I'm doing and satisfy him. Am I wrong for feeling used? |
t3_23iq3j | relationships | Bummed out after I [26M] ended things with my gf [30F] of 6 months | Hi all
Last night, I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 months. I know that's a short duration, but we had become quite involved in each others' lives already.
The problem was that we had two different priority sets: mine was very much around work/side projects/etc, and hers was very much around our relationship. I felt that misalignment coming to a head within the last month or so, as I was getting very frustrated at my inability to make progress with my projects while maintaining our relationship to her satisfaction. Unfortunately, a sacrifice had to be made, and while it was a difficult decision I decided to end it with her rather than my work.
She hadn't done anything wrong, and she's a great person whom I care about which made it very difficult to hurt her. Now I feel not great about myself as a person for having done it.
I am very new to being the one to end a relationship like this (in the past I have always been the "dumpee" rather than the "dumper"), and I'm curious as to your thoughts on healthy ways I can navigate through this. | I called it quits with my girlfriend to focus on work, and now I feel bad for hurting her. How can I best come to terms with my involvement in this and move on? |
t3_1xsm5s | relationships | I[M27] want to spend more time together but she[F27] doesn't want to talk about it. | At the start of the relationship we both decided to go slow without any pressure. We are together almost a year and we live separate. We see each other once a week and we text/call often, the sex is there but not very frequent.
Lately i want to spend more time with her, but every time i try to tell her that she shuts down. It deosn't matter how i do it direct or indirect - she ignores me. Last time i said i wouldn't mind seeing each other more often the result was two weeks complete silence and after that back to the usual ways like it never happned. It starts to mess with my head and i don't know what to do. | I want to spend more time together she refuses to even talk about it. I would love some female poit of view or advice. |
t3_10xvx4 | BreakUps | How do you live with ex if you break up? | So I feel like my relationship is just going to shit and there is nothing that can save it. I feel like most of the time I'm trying super hard, but she is super stressed out and wishes I was perfect. Well, maybe not perfect but more like the guy I was at the beginning of the relationship. I'm not sure I can still be that guy. I feel like the relationship has been sour for over a year and that has made me spiteful, hateful, and just not wanting to keep trying.
So with that in mind, how can I handle a breakup if/when it comes. Currently, we are living together in a 2br/2ba apartment with just us, no pets, no kids. I'm just worried if we break up, I'm gonna have to leave and end up paying rent at a place I'm not living. Or if I do stay, it will be awkward or she might want to work things out which I probably will not want to do. | Feels like breakup inevitable with live-in GF, how do I handle living situation? So any advice would be greatly appreciate. Thanks. |
t3_5472ht | relationships | Me [21M] and 4 1/2 year GF [20F] Different views on life, need advice. | We have been dating since before university. She has always had issues with self esteem, anxiety issues, and getting along with other people, although she is (atleast in my book) a super smart, interesting, and beautiful person. She rode horses (jumps) until she had to get knee surgery 3 years ago and never could ride again and that weighs on her to this date.
Fast foward to college, I applied to an engineering course at the last minute and after some difficulties, I absolutely love it/live for research. She ended up changing her degree to the same as mine, but she never had the same curiosity/interest about what she studied, facing it as a chore.
Fast foward to masters. This is our first masters year and she is doing research at a lab and I'm doing a theoretical research. I think we are both super into our fields and enjoy talking about it. She always tries not to talk about her work, but I dismiss it as her being tired.
Today she breaks apart and tells me she thinks our friends dont like her and only hang out with her bcoz of me, that she has no interest in anything and wishes she could just not think all day long and does not know what she can do instead, and is anxious all day, every day. I feel like I need someone that can stimulate me mentally and she just wants off thinking and wishes she could just ride horses for the rest of her life. I don't know what to do, how to help her, I've helped her all these years with her anxiety and it just seems it gets worse every day.
I've thought about a life together and now it seems it's going down the drain and that she could just trade our relationship and her scientific path for the ability to ride again. | 5 year relationship. We work in scientific area and I love it and she doesnt. She wants out and wishes she could ride horses again. |
t3_1qvmzy | relationships | I [20/M] feel like I'm not cut out to be a boyfriend any more with my girlfriend [20F] of 2 years. | In the beginning with my girlfriend we started out amazing. I was infatuated and I would do anything to see her. I'm very busy, so I had to cut time in other things to see her. I was okay with this, my grades went down but it was okay.
Fast forward. I've been starting to focus on developing myself. I've been more selfish and I think it's started to ruin my relationship. I'm an athlete and I've been training a lot more, I've been working to sustain my endeavours, and studying lots. Between all this and my girlfriend I think I've been putting her in the back seat. Actually, I know I've been. And she's been noticing. Between all these things, I don't even see my friends. I talk to them rarely, maybe at work or at university. But all my spare time is basically with her. Or I have like an hour or two of not studying or anything so I play video games. This has caused a strain in our relationship. She's not feeling as loved anymore, which is totally my fault. But I need to also focus on myself.
The thing is, she's great to me and I feel like I can't do anything for her. Everything she does, I don't care. It's always good to me. But me, I feel like everything I do creates a fight. She proposed me seeing my friends again. I agreed. So I went to be with my friends today, ignored my phone. And she got mad at me for not texting her the entire day. I know it seems trivial, like why don't you just text her. But I got caught up in doing me.
I want to fix this, I really do. But I don't know how. I don't want to give up progressing myself. | I feel like I can't be a good boyfriend of my girlfriend anymore. She's great to me, but I can't deliver the same. |
t3_19dt7h | AskReddit | REQUEST: Help me make a cool/funny/heartfelt music video for my band? Just looking for picture submissions! | So for pretty much all of our music videos so far we've just done shots of us recording our stuff at home. That's been fine and all but we thought it would be more fun to get people to help us out, and if you did we'd be extremely grateful. We're a Folk/Rock band from Nashville and just did a home recording of a new song "If I Had Your Love Again" (you can listen to it [here] and thought it would be cool if people could take pictures of either themselves with signs finishing the sentence "If I had your love again.." and we could include it in our music video. Feel free to answer however you want, whether it be funny or heartfelt, or really whatever.
Sorry if it seems kinda cheesy, we just all have music degrees and parents asking how well that's working out, so we're pulling out all the stops. But if we get a bunch of people to do it, this idea might not suck! Feel free to post a link in the comments or even videos (though we probably we won't use the audio unless you're dancing). If you'd rather email it to me, just PM me and i'll send you our email address. THANK YOU in advance if you can help us out. | Post a picture/video of your self holding a sign that finishes the sentence "If I had your love again..." and it would help us make a cool video. |
t3_3cnb05 | relationships | Am I [23M] selfish for wanting to be her [25F] best friend? | We have only been dating for about half a year now, but a few months ago my girlfriend said that she feels like I'm her best friend, and that I'm always the person she goes to when she needs to talk about absolutely anything. Being the fairly insecure person that I am, I absolutely loved this, and it made me gain a lot of confidence.
About 3 months ago, however, a friend of hers (let's call him Mike) moved to a different city because of work. She thought she was losing him as a friend, but they solved this by both starting to chat on skype (just IM -- no voice chat) **a lot** during work. I noticed that she wasn't texting me as much anymore and that she occasionally seems to "forget" telling me about some things that are going on in her life.
At one specific point when we were hanging out and watching a movie, my girlfriend got a text from someone at work that upset her quite a lot. I started comforting and trying to help (in general I am pretty good at that), but instead she just walked off, opened Facebook, and started discussing the whole thing with Mike instead. Then yesterday she mentioned something Mike had told her, and then added that she felt pretty good because she and Mike have become really good friends despite him living so far away.
In a normal situation I wouldn't have minded (and I would be happy for her), but I keep getting the impression that she no longer sees me as a best friend at all. To make matters worse, I feel like I'm being selfish about this, and I know that she'd be pissed off with me if I brought it up.
I'm not sure if I need advice or just some words of comfort, but any input is appreciated, I guess. | My girlfriend seems to no longer see me as her "best friend", and I'm not sure if I'm selfish for being sad about this. |
t3_2rflav | relationships | Me [22 F] with my boyfriend [23 M] of 2 years, when is it time to quit? | I thought I would never leave a relationship unless he does seriously awful things like hitting me or raping me, because a relationship is hard work, right? We shouldn't give up so easily, right? We need to try to fix things instead of removing it, right? The grass isn't greener on the other side, right?
I used to think like that, but now I am starting to change my mind on this matter.
There has been a lot of problems lately (irl and in relationship) and at this point I am exhausted from the relationship and I just don't care anymore! I have been reading this subreddit for months and I know that communication is very important. I should communicate with him about our problems and issues that's annoying me, so that we will get 'stronger' in the end.
This is my first relationship (first in every sense) so I don't want to give up so easily. I have promised that I'd love him forever and I need to keep my promise!
But right now, I just don't care. I don't want to put the effort anymore. I'm done, I'm finished. I don't even hate him that much. Is this a normal feeling after 2 years? Is this love?
Originally I wrote down the whole backstory and ALL the issues that I was having with my boyfriend, but I decided to boil it down to one question:
**How do I know it's time to move on? That it's okay not to put effort anymore and to just give up on the relationship.**
Thank you! | Relationship has many problems. I am too tired to communicate about them with my boyfriend. When can I leave a relationship? |
t3_16dw2c | relationship_advice | My bf (23) is saying I'm being uptight (20) about any issue I bring up... | I'm 20, and my boyfriend of a year is 23. I often times find myself getting annoyed at his behavior (in social situations) but never when we're one on one. Here's what happened last night:
We went out to dinner last night. I hadn't seen him in 5 days. We're at a restaurant and in the middle of me telling him something very important (a serious dispute between my mother and I that he brought up) he says "I'm gonna take this call and talk to ____. Ok?" And since the phone was already in his hand, and I was so taken aback by it....I said yes so that it wouldn't cause trouble.
He was the only one in the restaurant talking on a phone, and the place was packed. To be clear, I have NO problem with him picking up for his mom (she has health issues) or something legitimately worthy of a call, but to talk to his friend in the middle of our dinner about nothing, I found rude. It was things that could have been answered in text or at least waited 20 minutes until after dinner. The call was only 2 minutes, but it still bothered me that it had to be taken during our dinner. He also frequently texts during dinner, and I've begun to as well, because I find myself caring less at this point, since he doesn't see my side.
I don't think I'm being uptight. If something bothers me, I communicate it. I waited until we were leaving the restaurant to say anything, and I brought it up in a nice tone. I didn't get angry. He says I'm constantly nit-picking, but to me, this is how a couple communicates. Instead of saying he understood what I meant, he argued and said that there's nothing wrong with it, etc. He gets all snide and says how I think he's immature, and that he'll never be mature enough for me in a sarcastic tone. This happens all the time when I bring up something that bothers me. I don't even feel comfortable telling him anymore. | Boyfriend took a not important call during dinner. I told him why it bothered me. Any time I tell him my feelings it turns into an argument. What do I do? Bottle it up? |
t3_273pv9 | relationships | My (20M) girlfriend (19F) of 6 months hates my good friend (19F), mediation has failed, girlfriend unhappy. | Last year I had a good friendship with a girl (F) at my university. We spent a lot of time together and were very comfortable (without any sexual element) with each other. I ignored her more manipulative and selfish side because we had such a good time, and because it mostly didn't effect me.
This year I met my current girlfriend (G) and immediately we started a relationship, which is perfect in essentially every way. We rarely fight, we enjoy all the same things, we're sexually very good together, we get along incredibly and we can talk forever. She's utterly beautiful and we've started to say that we love each other.
G gets along very well with all my other female friends, and at first was really excited to get to know F, but over a couple of weeks became really uncomfortable when F was around. I could see why. F was so pleased when I got with G that she decided to try to become best friends with her straight away, and in trying became way too familiar with her, jumping to topics that G wasn't happy talking about. G started becoming quieter and quieter whenever F was around.
There is another side to it, of course, which is that both G and F are very attractive girls, and very aware of it. It's possible that both feel threatened by the other. Adding more issues, F is a very touchy person (with everyone) but doesn't seem to tone it down when G is around.
G has now started avoiding F entirely, and will find an excuse to leave with F is around. She's told me how unhappy F makes her, which I didn't entirely understand but since talking to another good friend I get that F can be a profoundly threatening person. G has never tried to stop me seeing F, but merely stated that she will try not to have contact with her.
I can tell that my friendship with F is really making G unhappy, and is really adding to her stress from university. Apart from explaining to G that I have no feelings for F, and that she is in no way threatened by her, how can I help her feel better? I'm not going to stop seeing F because we've been such good friends in the past. | Friend and Girlfriend can't get along, stressing Girlfriend out! How can I help G become comfortable in at least my relationship with my friend? |
t3_4q5fir | relationships | I [28f] in a relationship for 10 months with [32m]. I feel a part of me is missing. | I've known my boyfriend for a few years now and we've been dating for about 10 months and I feel like he is my soul mate. He helps make me a better person and I feel like he is the one I belong with for the rest of my life. He did move to another city and are planning on moving me out there soon so we're currently ~1000 miles apart.
Lately, I've been feeling like I'm missing something. Like, theres a part of me that I've never explored and I should. I've always felt a little attracted towards women but have never acted on it. I've been out with a girl to the movies and dinner once but I was always too awkward to make a move or try anything passed a hug at the end of the night.
I don't want to cheat on my boyfriend; that is the last thing I want. But I feel like if I never explore this -let's call it an- impulse, I'll always have it lingering in the back of my head. My boyfriend is one of the best guys I know and I just don't know how to approach this or if I should just not say anything. I've never mentioned anything about being interested in women to him before. | dating a guy (who I think is my soul mate) for 10 months but I might be bi-curious and want to explore that. |
t3_145ljq | relationships | My boyfriend [23] is always bored with me[20], is there something I'm doing wrong? | I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. I have always consistently been happy with him, but when he is not it shows and it really sucks. We hang out at his house most days in a week, I come over after getting out of work or classes. He will ask me what I want to do, every time we hang out, and I find myself struggling to create plans. Lately I've had some breakthroughs, but he still doesn't seem happy. Our usual routine is playing video games and watching TV, which is fine with me because I like just sitting around and being in his company. However, he often asks me to make plans and he never likes any of my suggestions. Those usually include: making dinner, going ice skating (recently I've suggested going), going out to a coffeehouse, writing music together (we're both musicians), going on a day trip, seeing a show, bowling, calling up his friends to plan a group hangout, and then other activities that may involve money or a lengthy drive.
He doesn't like spending money or driving, and all there really is to do relatively close to us is go out to eat, go to the mall or go to the movies. He gets mad when I rehash old ideas he's proposed but never acted upon, like going to the local arcade museum. He wants me to be more creative, though I've thrown fun goofy ideas at him and he didn't like them. In general, he gets really annoyed at me when I don't come up with something for us to do. He's better at coming up with creative things to do; I always come up with activities we've never done before but aren't that unique and new. I have tried thinking about things he has done in the past but a lot of plans he used to make involved copious amounts of money that I can't really afford to spend. I love him so much and I just need help on figuring out things we can do together, that are relatively inexpensive. | My boyfriend is getting to the point where he's bored, and it's hard to find inexpensive activities for us to do together that he likes. |
t3_2g96lf | relationships | Me [22 F] with my friend..? 29 M of 2.5 weeks and I still can't tell what he wants from me? | So this guy I met on the beach and I have been texting, and we've hung out on the beach twice, went out for coffee once. So over the course of 3 weeks, we've texted each other at least once a day, and usually he initiates a: do you want to watch something together. The first time I said yes, it ended up not working out because car flat-tired and he had to get it fixed immediately because he needed it for work the next day. So yesterday, he asked if I wanted to watch something with him again. And I said yes, I also told him about being accepted into a program at work. So he shows up with a bottle of wine. We watch a show and drink the wine, yet he makes 0 moves. We talk for a bit. And then it's getting late, he gets up to leave, and we hug and he tells me I'm "lovely", and leaves. Are we friends or is he interested..? I don't get it. If it helps, he's super Irish. I hear the dating culture is a bit more informal over there... | Mandatory summary/question! : I've been seeing/hanging out with a guy for 2.5 weeks, and I don't know if he wants to date or what he wants...? |
t3_qmsru | AskReddit | Has anyone ever taught English abroad? | I'm a graduating college senior with a few prospects in my field (geoscience and water management) but my intent is to teach english in central america. I have researched the TEFL certification, but is it worth the cost? There are a few countries I would like to teach, and i speak what i would describe as "average" spanish for a non-native speaker, which i learned in panama, belize and argentina. I would like to teach in Buenos Aires, Santiago, Montevideo or Costa Rica or Panama City.
i have looked into TEFL, and it sells itself as a universal qualification for those kind of jobs. every time i hear of those jobs they are virtually guaranteed albeit with the caveat of low pay, which is more than can be said of the job market in general. my intuition tells me it sounds too good to be true. | is TEFL really a universally accepted credential? how does one go about getting a job teaching english as a foreign language? what are the jobs like? |
t3_tmkks | AskReddit | Teens (and recent teens of reddit) how do I deal with the porn issue with my son? | There are a ton of people on Reddit who are obviously teenagers or were recently. As kids who've grown up with Internet porn, what is your advice?
When I was a kid, you'd be lucky to find a dirty magazine and I don't feel that I'm any worse for it, but I'm terrified thinking of what I'd be like now if the Internet and all its horrible corners were around at the time.
I don't believe porn itself is necessarily evil, but I'm worried about what ideas it will give him about what's normal or expected. I would also prefer that he not go down the road of excessively horrible porn (snuff, scat, etc). I know he'll make these choices when he's an adult and he's welcome to, but while he's still developing, I believe it's my job to keep him out of those thins until he's smarter and stronger if that makes sense. | I wish I had all this stuff when I was a kid... but then again, how would I have turned out if I did? How much control should I exert over my son's Internet porn access? |
t3_25boku | relationships | How do I [21F], a non-drug user, talk to my younger sister about drugs? | My 15 year old sister, Lily, has recently befriended a more popular crowd and yesterday was the first time she hung out with them outside of school. When she met up with them at a fair they were already tripping via robo (abuse of DXM over the counter meds). Lily, who has never drank or gotten high, was scared by a girl who threw up and passed out and stayed sober but admitted that if they had been smoking instead she would have wanted to try. I don't care if she smokes safely, but I'm concerned about how this group is treating drugs.
I know all of this because we share an apple account and thus both of our messages are delivered to my new iPad. I didn't bother to change it because she's been lying a lot (usually nothing important) and it was an easy way to check up on her. No one in our family does drugs, and few even drink. If told, I'm nearly certain that my parents would only freak, yell, and be generally unproductive. Lily would be angry I read her messages and hide them. I'm also away at college and unable to do anything in person.
Still, I want her to have some consequences and understanding. While she stayed sober this time, she might not next time. While I don't think recreational drug use is a big deal, I'm worried about her starting young and working her way up to harder substances or forming a habit. Also, while I know plenty of high achieving and hard working people who do partake, I don't think Lily would be one of them---she already has few C's primarily because of her social life and a procrastination habit. | I don't want to vilify drugs for my teenage sister, but I don't want to condone them either. How do I approach this? |
t3_2tghmb | dogs | xpost from r/pugs, A scammer just tried to work us over for a few pugs. Details are in the comments. | We've had our hearts set on a Pug puppy and came across this last second find tonight. The owner of the pugs originally said they can't have dogs in their new apt, so they have to be gone by tonight. We jumped for joy and offered to take them into our homes, when the owner said she only wanted $50 for the adoption papers, rather than the $180 listed. Ok, sounds great. The fishy part was they only wanted it in a CVS money gram express card, and to text them the card number right away. We told them no, it's too fishy. We would be willing to drive up tonight (three and a half hours away) and pay the fee, grab the pups, and stay at a hotel so we can do the paperwork in the morning. At this point the person started getting angry saying they trust us with the pups, that we should trust them with our money. We then did a [reverse image search] for the pups and they turned out in Louisville, Ky, Las vegas, and had a bunch of removed listings in other places. [Here] is the Kentucky add, with all the same info as our original find in NC. | Don't let this[3] jenny work you over for $xx for false hopes, there is no puppy. |
t3_rkg60 | AskReddit | Family Dispute | Hey Reddit, so a friend of mine is having trouble and I need a little advice to give her, any help? The basic problem is this: Her family is trying to sell a piece of property in Idaho, but there are a few issues. First off, is her uncle. This guy, to put it simply, is a bastard. Minnie the Moocher on steroids. He is bleeding her family dry and abusing all his family ties. The problem is that on their property they were kinda enough to go in on a loan with him to build a second "house." Half of it is a living space, with kitchen, etc. and the other half is a dance studio/garage. And for them to sell the place he is demanding full price for "his house." Now my question is, because he is only on the loan and not on the title, can they go ahead and sell the property behind his back, pay off the loan, and kick him to the curb? Second, this house needs to sell fairly fast. It's a beautiful piece of property, 5 acres, 3000 sq ft, riverside, etc... Is there an way they can get the house off their hands, such as selling it the the back where they can get a good return without having to wait for forever for the housing market to pick up?
Also, the uncle is threatening to sue if they try to weasel their way around his "residence" at their place, what sort of grounds would he have for any type of lawsuit.
There is more to the story but these are the basic elements as to what the situation is. | A friend of mine has a shit face uncle making it extremely difficult to sell their house, is signed on for a loan with them, but not the title of the house. Help |
t3_1mbxq2 | dating_advice | [20M] Have I waited too long to ask her [20F]? | Hey all,
I, like a lot of men, are very dense when it comes to recognizing signals from women. Last Friday night I was at a party when I ran into a girl that I knew (meaning we had some lectures/discussions/labs together freshman year of college, we're both juniors now). We talked on a couple separate occasions that night whenever we bumped into each other at the party, nothing really special, just asked how the other had been since freshman year, where we were living this year, and things like that.
We smiled at each other a couple times, and she got me a shot from the bar when I brought up the bartender not giving me one earlier in the night (she was apart of the organization throwing the party, they got access to hard stuff, everyone else got the keg).
On her way out with her group of friends we passed by each other, she stopped me, and told me to Facebook message her sometime, we had been Facebook friends for awhile at that point, which is good because at no point during the night did I think to ask for her number.
It's been about a week and I haven't done it yet through a combination of being busy with exams and being unsure. Because our conversation that night hadn't really been too deep (music was too loud to have a proper conversation, and I was kind of drunk) I'm not sure if she actually wants me to message her, or if it's like when people say, "Oh yeah, lets hang out" but never do. I'm not even sure how I would strike up a conversation at this point.
As far at dating ideas go, I'm kind of handicapped monetarily, but I do have a meal plan that allows me to spend some allotted points in the student union. I was thinking of getting lunch with her this weekend there, nothing too formal, but it should be good for having a decent conversation. | Talked to girl I kind of knew at a party last Friday, she told me to message her on Facebook sometime, I haven't yet. Have I waited too long? How would I start the conversation now? |
t3_4zhfnh | relationships | I [21 M] am feeling hopeless and alone | I don't have a single friend. Everyone I interact with seems to be obligated to talk to me, my family, roommates, security guard, etc. Everyone I've ever met outside of my family has no interest in being friends with me. My social anxiety prevents me from being myself around anyone except my sister, whom I don't see very often after moving out. Sometimes I go 5+ days without saying a word to anyone.
I met a girl online, 95% match and an incredible amount of common interests. Even to the point where she called me her soulmate to her friend. We went on 7 or so dates before she just started to lose interest. It was long-distance so this was over the course of 6 months. Honestly, it's a miracle I even got that far, having never been on a date before in my life. The most painful part about it is if I was able to be myself around her, I'm almost sure we would have been able to make it work. I really don't see myself meeting a girl as physically and mentally amazing as her ever again. Part of that thought process is just how fresh of a wound this is, so I'll push on.
I know the problem, but fixing something that has been rooted in my brain for the better part of my life isn't very easy. I tried therapy for a while but as I start university I can't afford the just under $200/hour CAD charge.
I live downtown, and it feels like you need friends to make friends here.
Thanks for reading. | Relationships, platonic or not, never seem to lead anywhere because I can't open up. Where do I start? |
t3_3f00oo | relationship_advice | [25m]Seemed to hit it off with a girl [19f] and suddenly she goes cold? What gives? | So, a little over a month ago I met this girl and exchanged numbers and from then on every single day, morning to night, we have been talking and texting back and forth. Things were great. We've hung out many times, had sex, gone out for dates, etc.
About 2 weeks ago she got a new job and since then we don't really talk that much anymore. Not sure what happened but I remember asking her how her first day went and would get sporadic replies but she seemed to like it. After that I'd try to send her texts and get no reply until around 2-3 days later she called me and told me she's been busy. No big deal, I understand. All of the following week she barely texted and only when I initiated. She seemed uninterested and distant so I just kept contact to a minimum as to not seem pushy or clingy. She calls me up a few days ago (Sunday) and we have lunch and everything seemed fine. I asked her what's been up and I get the same excuse, that she's been busy and tired. She told me she was sorry for not talking as much and that she'd try.
I mean, I can understand to an extent but no matter how tired or busy I am I still make time for someone. The past few days have been no contact from her even though I've tried to initiate a conversation via text and I'm thinking about addressing this with her. Should I? Should I bring up how I feel or just see what happens? I mean, this is a new relationship so there's always the chance that she just wasn't into it and I get it but it's just kinda strange how things seemed to be going really great until literally overnight. Am I overthinking things? I know the age difference is probably a concern to some of you and it was to me at first too until we seemed to get along so well. Basically, I'm just wondering if I should bother telling her how I feel and seeing where this goes? At this point I think it would be better than just bottling all this up. You tell me. | Hit it off with a girl and had been talking everyday, morning to night, for a month until literally overnight she becomes unresponsive, distant, and seemingly uninterested. |
t3_3g3fu6 | relationships | Feelings for one of my (19M) friends (19F) are resurfacing. | I really wish I could get over my friend I had a crush on, I thought for awhile that everything I felt for her was slowly subsiding but now its all just coming back. I don't even know why I care so much about this girl, its not like we ever truly started a relationship. Maybe thats part of the problem for me, there was no real end. She said she had to work through some stuff and we should keep getting to know one another as friends, but everything else she said was too much for her to be just letting me down easy. No one I know thought she was letting me down easy, especially since she could have just ignored me for a week and gotten her point across and she'd had previous boyfriends in the past (so would go for a more direct option). When I told her how I felt, her response seemed to mean so much more than a simple acceptance of a compliment. What happened after that? I've accepted that she want to be friends, but part of me still wishes we had worked out, or at least I knew why we didn't work out.
She was the first person I'd ever even stood a chance at having a serious relationship with, and never having had one in high school makes me feel like I was so close to achieving something with this amazing human being, only for it all to slide backward.
I'd never do anything to hurt our friendship, even now she is a super close friend and means so a lot to me. At the same time, I just wish I could get rid of these feelings once and for all. A recent message she sent telling me she misses me somehow brought me back to this hope that I thought I'd managed to leave behind. She is too much of an important part of my life for me to just cut out, and I've liked people I've been close to before and gotten over it with time. Why is she so different, I was hoping my time spent pursuing other people meant I had gotten over her. Why do my feelings for her have to suddenly come back? | Redeveloping feelings for crush I had an almost relationship with, I need them to go away without cutting her out of my life. |
t3_u6vm3 | relationships | Girlfriend said she loves me, not sure how to react. | Last night my girlfriend and I were sharing a bed, and it ended in lots of physicality. Near the end of it, my girlfriend whispers to me the words "I love you". Now, I like her a lot, but I'm not in love with her yet (we've only been dating for a month and a half). I didn't say anything, and though It won't affect our relationship or my reactions to her, I'm unsure of what to do if she says it again. What should I do?
NOTES: We are both 18 years old, in high school, and as stated earlier we've been dating for a month and a half. | Gf says she loves me, I don't love her back yet. What do I do if she says it again? |
t3_3sj8sr | weddingplanning | Mom and sister want me to cancel dress shopping appointments | Hey guys, sorry about the rant here. To start off, my wedding date is 12/31/2016. I was planning on doing my dress stuff in December this year so I can have time for alterations and all that lovely stuff. Well, apparently that causes issues...
I asked my mom a while back about scheduling appointments on the 4th and 5th of December so that she has enough time to plan. Fast forward to last night, mom now tells me that she can't take off work to travel out for dress shopping. And she only tells me this after I asked her. I scheduled these back in September to give her time to plan. I asked her when it would be a better time and she said "probably February."
Then I have my sister. She is having a fit about these appointments and that I have them scheduled "13 months" in advance. She is also mad that her and mom can't come out and that I do everything around the holidays.
I want them to be there but it's too hard to schedule everything around everyone's schedule. I also want to keep the appointments.
I'm pretty torn right now. | I scheduled dress appointments for December 4th and 5th. Mom now tells me she and sister cannot come due to mom's work. They want me to cancel and reschedule for February. |
t3_3mqzdk | relationships | How to build a relationship with my [27f] cousins [20-30m&f] | Due to a long series of family miscommunications and borderline abusive behavior by my (late) grandmother, my dad recently reconnected with his uncle and aunt from his dad's (my paternal grandfather) side. We went to meet them and they seemed like really nice people, a set of grandparents I wish I'd had. I found out that they had grandkids (my second cousins) in my age range. I don't have any other cousins who are close in age that I talk to (another story).
Anyway, fast forward a year and we (mom, dad, me) find out that my great-uncle has died and there will be a memorial. We go, shed some tears for what could have been except for 30+ years of bullshit miscommunications, and I meet a couple of my second cousins. We friend each other on Facebook.
Fast forward 2 years, the extent of our communication has been me liking one of their posts here and there. My great-aunt has friended me on FB and we share stuff regularly.
I initially didn't want to push things with the cousins since we were introduced at their (apparently beloved, lucky bastards) grandfather's memorial and I didn't want to make things more awkward than they already were. That being said, I'd like to have a relationship with them since they're the only family I have in my generation.
So /r/relationships, how should I proceed? | Met cousins for the first time at their grandfather's funeral 2 years ago, would like to at least become the type of friends you have dinner with once a year. |
t3_1qvnuu | relationships | Me [23 M] with mygirlfriend [22 F] 1.3 years. Seems to be going downhill. Not sure why. | We've been together for a while, a bit over a year. Lately, things seem to be going downhill. She told me last week she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, then nothing else was said of it. While she seemed a bit distant, yesterday she was very loving out of the blue. Deep, passionate kisses, that sort of thing. Today was great. We've not spent much time together, but what we have was good. However, she did start her period -- I include this only to say that she is prone to being more irritable. She seemed annoyed and down tonight, so I asked her what was wrong. She never answered, finally said nothing. Then later, I asked again. She told me nothing was, then she got up, grabbed her pillow, and stormed down stairs. Now, I can understand getting annoyed with being asked too often -- but don't bloody act like something is wrong if you're just going to get angry about it when asked.
Honestly, I'm not sure what to do. I love her, but I feel like I'm being jerked around on an emotional chain. This up and down bit with the relationship is taxing on me, mentally and physically. I would love to just sit down and have her tell me when she's annoyed, but not answering doesn't help anything. It just makes me wonder what's going on, and I don't know if she's aware of that, or doesn't care.
I'll be the first to admit I don't handle conflict well, and I don't know how to go about improving that. As of right now, it's 1 AM, I'm sitting on my computer wondering how on earth I'm going to go to sleep. I don't want to sleep in our bed because I'm too pissed. So if anyone has any advice on handling things in a healthy manner, please advise. Other than that, I don't know what to do with this relationship. I want us to stay together, but she's acting increasingly like she doesn't want to. Problem is, we're stuck in a lease until next September. | Girlfriend issues. She gets annoyed when I ask what's wrong. She's acting like something is wrong. Doesn't make sense. |
t3_2hr7oj | relationships | Me (20F) and my boyfriend (23M) of two years; do I still love him? Is it worth it to stick it out? | I am afraid that my relationship with my boyfriend is crumbling. I love him and he is absolutely crazy about me (nerdy guy dates pretty girl scenario) but I'm not sure this should keep moving forward. He is talking about proposing and long term commitment, I am still not sure where my life is headed.
Bad things:
* We are currently long distance, have been for 6 months and will be for another 6
* He works nights, I go to school during the days. We do not get a lot of quality time together at all
* He is obsessed with this one online game. He literally brings it up in every conversation and while I don't mind talking about it and have a mild interest, I really have nothing to contribute. It is the topic he tends towards most often and enjoys talking about the most
* We don't have "real" conversations about things. If I try to bring up anything, he usually responds with mhm and yeah.
* I am working through a five year struggle with depression, finally on the mend with meds and therapy, but I feel like he constantly undermines my ability to make decisions and "want" things.
Good things:
* He is smart and funny, he can make me laugh
* He gives me space when I need it
* We are similar personality types and have the same values and opinions
* He has no issue with commitment
I am scared that guilt is keeping me in this relationship. I have attempted to break up with him before, he was devastated and we decided to get back together the next day... I love him but I can't help feeling like there is more that I want in a future spouse, and I'm not sure if its the depression talking or my conscience. | Currently long distance, not sure if still in love, is my depression making me want to break up or am I genuinely unsatisfied? |
t3_3g3bff | relationships | Girl who rejected me a while back now won't leave me (17m) or my girlfriend (19f) alone. I need to get rid of her. | So this story starts back in my freshman year when I was still a young, unattractive boy. I had a huge crush on this gorgeous girl who basically shut me down rudely as I was going to ask her out. (A pre rejection?) so yeah I was rejected and dejected and all kinds of depressed but life goes on. well, over the next few years puberty was kind to me , made me tall (6'3) and gave me a nice body to accompany it. I started dressing better, paying attention to my haircut , and now I pretty much can pick any girl I want and have them. This matters when about 9 months ago, the girl who shut me down starts texting me, flirting and making advances. I no longer like her, so I ignore her and move on. She tries to guilt trip me about breaking her heart, so I remind her about our "history" . That shut her up for a while.
But yesterday, I decided to take my amazing girlfriend for a date at our Starbucks , and to my dismay and surprise , apparently girl who rejected me now works there as a barista.
It didn't go well. She tried to strike up a conversation with me AT THE DAMN REGISTER and was openly flirting in front of my girlfriend.
My girlfriend hated this, but let it be because I had told her about this girl before.
Except now she is texting me (apparently still has my number) sending me stuff on Facebook and commenting on my Ig pics. My girlfriend has seen everything since we have a no- secrets deal.
This girl is becoming a major annoyance and problem in my relationship, how do I get her to fuck off?? | sorry for the long post, but a girl from my past is causing problems with my relationship and I need to get rid of her. |
t3_2piq8s | relationships | Smitten [24M] is frustrated, as crush [23 F] has stopped responding to me | We met a 2 months ago at a Halloween party I hosted, and we hit it off, talking, laughing and eventually getting hot and heavy. I made an effort to not ruin this new relationship by sleeping with her on the first meeting, and for the next couple of weeks we could not stop talking to eachother. This woman happens to be one of my roommates best friends, and I know that she put in a really good word for me.
We met up again a couple of weekends later and hit it off again. Since then she seems to have gotten a bit cold, not really responding to me, specifically when I have asserted my keenness to meet up again (more than once).
Whilst I have tried to stop talking to her as much, it certainly feels like I am often just talking 'at' her, and she has never really asked me anything about myself.
My fear is that I have been too over zealous, and have come across as clingy, or potentially said something that ruined what feelings she had before. The other plausible explanation is that she is too scared and damaged from her previous relationships (which i know to at least be a factor).
I need advice how to play this out, I really don't want to lose her, as I haven't felt like this in a long time; Please help me from over thinking and ruining the chance to salvage whatever this relationship is.
I can provide more details, as it is slightly more complicated than I have let on, but I did not wan't want to inundate reddit with walls of text. Thanks in advance! | A woman I am interested in, and I know who WAS interested in me, has recently stopped responding to me. I need advice how to make my next moves |
t3_1na6d1 | relationships | [22M] broke up with me [21F] because of "personal issues" now I don't know what to do | I started going out with this guy a little over a month ago. It started as a NSA kind of thing, but then we both developed feelings for each other. It's really hard for me to get comfortable with people, but from the start I was at ease with him and felt like I could completely trust him, so much that I was able to open up about my anxiety, which i haven't been able to do with anyone else.
A couple of weeks ago he tells me that he's been really stressed out and he's seeing a psychiatrist so I know something is going on and I just let him know I was here for him. Then last night he texts me asking if I ever feel like I don't know who I am or what I'm doing. I tell him yes and that it's pretty normal and ask if he's ok. That's when he tells me he wants a break from dating because he has "too many personal problems to try investing himself in anyone else." This took me by surprise and all I was able to respond with is "ok" and I told him I'm still here for him as a friend.
Like I said above, I've never been so comfortable with or trusted anyone as much as him. I could easily see myself in a relationship with him, and I don't think I'm ready to lose him. I just feel like it's selfish of me to think this way though, and I really do want him to get better. | The guy I've been dating ended things, and now I don't know if I should just let him go or tell him how I feel. |
t3_18ly0n | relationships | I'm [18F] not a very private person. I feel like my boyfriend [19M] and I shouldn't hide anything from each other. How could I get him to be more open? | My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for three years. We're comfortable with each other, but we've always squabbled over what should and shouldn't be private.
You guys are probably going to think this is radical, but I'm a very open person. There is nothing in my life right now that I feel needs to be kept from my boyfriend. I tell him when I'm going to poo. The thing I'm most concerned with is things like Facebook and text messages. Let's get this straight first: I wouldn't expect him to share anything with me that I wouldn't want to share with him. But there's nothing I wouldn't share with him. If he wanted my password, I'd give it to him! He needed to borrow my phone for a few days? Great, here's the charger! I'd hand it to him without going through and deleting a thing. I just know he doesn't feel the same way. I mean, I don't know/think he's hiding anything. But I know he really loves his privacy. Why? I can't be sure.
It's not that I want to spy on him all the time. In fact, it's more for convenience. Things like "Did he get my message yet, or should I go to bed and reply tomorrow?" or "Oh, what time is that concert he's going to with Kyle on Thursday?" I mean, it would be nice to know that he's trustworthy enough to be alright with me seeing his messages. But most of it is just wanting to not have any boundaries. I feel so close to him, I just wish he could understand that we could be a lot closer. | I want my boyfriend to be more open and willing to share with me. I see no problems with being a part of each other's lives without the mystery of "Who is he talking to?" |
t3_hy8ab | dogs | What are your stories of strangers helping your dog? (Canine helping HEROES!) | I spent the summer after college in Ocean Beach, San Diego. Total hippie town (parts of Almost Famous filmed there). Everyone is super friendly.
Anyway, I slept on the couch next to my buddy's black lab, Lou. Friendliest, most adorable dog you've ever met. One day while my friend was at work, I accidentally left the back door open on my way to the beach. It took me about 2 minutes before that sinking feeling kicked in: oh shit.
Went back to the house, dog was gone. Called my friend: "...dude...I'm sorry beyond words, but I left the door open and your dog is gone". He was crushed. No worries, I thought, surely someone will find Lou, realize he's lost, and call the number listed on the dog tag.
My friend: "dude...I washed him yesterday. I didn't put his collar or tags back on". I've never felt so bad in my entire life. I felt like the biggest douche.
We spent the next 48 hours combing every last inch of OB, printing out flyers, speaking with local animal shelters. Nothing. About a week later, still incredibly bummed, we found ourselves drinking heavily on the front lawn. Out of nowhere, we heard a loud voice: "DID ANYONE LOSE A BLACK DOG"? Next, we see a shirtless old man driving an ancient pickup truck, smoking a joint, and talking through a megaphone as he slowly drove down the street. Lou was in the bed of the truck looking like he just rummaged through the trash. | Lost my friend's dog without his collar / tags. Random stranger found him, threw threw him in the bed of his truck, and drove around town for hours yelling "did anyone lose a dog" through a megaphone. |
t3_45g6ax | tifu | TIFU by laughing at a priest who was not making a joke. | This was yesterday.
My grandmother passed a few days ago, and we had her funeral yesterday. After the service, we had a sort of luncheon thing for people who wanted to come. This included the priest who performed the service, who I don't particularly like.
Picture a 6 person table. To my left and right are my aunt and brother respectively, and on the other side are my mother, father, and second cousin. My aunt says, "u/ruled_trendy, I'm going to let Father Dickweed sit here, I'm going to go sit over there" (with other family members). So, my dad offers the chair next to me to the priest when he arrives, and he says, "Thank you, but I'll be right back, I need to go to the little boys room."
Fo real? That phrase is still in your repertoire? So I immediately laugh out loud as he walks away, then proceed to very awkward lunch. | assuming a priest's pedophilia, I laugh at him when he says he needs to go to the little boys room, because I'm easily amused and going to hell. This is immediately after my grandmother's funeral I might add. |
t3_1xtkn8 | dating_advice | How do I stop wanting a boyfriend/how do I stop getting so attached to people? | Lately I've found myself becoming really clingy with guys that I like. I try to get close to them, but I feel that in doing so, I drive them away. I feel as though I'm always the only one initiating conversations/meetings, and I'm a bit tired of it. I get too attached.
I know I could move on and find other guys, or find other hobbies...but I find that most guys right now (in college) don't seem to want a relationship. When I participate in new hobbies, I find myself looking at the guys there as potential boyfriends without really meaning to. I hate it :/ I go on Tinder and OKCupid just to try to find some kind of intimate/romantic/sexual connection with someone.
I've come to realize that more than anything, what I'm wanting is connection and intimacy more than someone to call a boyfriend. I want someone to be there for me and I want to have someone to care about, even though it sounds kind of selfish.
I feel pretty lonely most of the time, and i feel like I've been getting more depressed. I have friends that I hang out with and I feel like I can tell them just about anything, but I still feel unfulfilled. I feel like I can't achieve intimacy with a lot of people because I feel like I'm being a burden if I want to talk to someone when I feel down (which seems to be a lot lately). I can tell my friends are getting tired of my boy-talk.
Sex makes me feel hollow, but I keep doing it because I like the intimacy of it at the time, and then it just makes me hate myself later.
Any advice? Anyone else in the same boat? | How can I stop craving intimacy when there is none to be found? How do I stop becoming so attached to people? |
t3_3cd2y6 | relationships | I [19 M] don't find a girl [19 F]I know physically attractive, but still find her attractive? | I'll just dive right in: I met this girl (call her Sally) at college in around December and kicked it off with her almost immediately. She is on an athletics team with me and of everyone I met upon joining the team, I bonded with her the most. We share high ambitions, much of the same life priorities, and a mutual understanding of each others' personal struggles.
I live out of state from the college, but Sally ended up working in the same state and came to visit me and a couple of her other friends over the 4th of July. The first night I saw her, Sally's friends and I drunk and the night ended with her asking me to cuddle with her (side note: I absolutely love cuddling and she knows that). We both were just really happy to see each other and I feel like we bonded even more this weekend than before.
Ultimately, I love being with Sally, and absolutely want to maintain a strong friendship, so I am worried that if I pursue a relationship, it will jeopardize it. But at the same time, I want to explore the feelings I have for her since they feel very new to me. I am also worried that I am just feeling infatuation for the first person to show me any kind of affection several years. I guess I am asking for advice in both what I am feeling and if I should pursue a relationship.
Yes, this account is a throwaway. | I don't find a girl physically attractive, but she has the perfect personality. If I pursue a relationship could we have a successful relationship? |
t3_4jzxhs | relationships | I [16m] am trying to persuade my old friend [16m] to forgive me for invading his personal space. | By invading personal space, I would call him a lot to see if he wanted to do something. Here is my apology, comment any revisions that could help, or what you like or don't like about it.
Joey, I'm sincerely sorry for invading your personal space, I wasn't thinking about how it would affect you, I was being selfish only thinking about myself. If someone called me constantly I would feel weirded out too. I'm not just saying sorry just to say it, I'm actually sorry. I only called because I was bored and was trying to see if someone wanted to do something, but that is no excuse. I'm sorry for showing up to the gym whenever you were there, I should have only gone when you asked if I wanted to come. I promise I've changed and learned from my mistakes. I cared about you as a friend. I only asked if you were OK when you seemed down because I cared about you as a friend. I don't have any feelings about you other than a friend, I'm not gay for you, not gay for anyone. All things you told me to keep secret, I didn't tell anyone. Ask Tyler or anyone, I am really sorry. I never told anyone what we would do at steves. All I ask is for one more chance to prove to you that I've changed. I'm genuinely sorry. It really bothers me that I was so disrespectful to you. | I called my friend too much asking to hangout or play videogames, said he needed space because I was invading his personal space. |
t3_3erubd | relationship_advice | I[30/m] made my wife [31/f] self conscious about her weight. | My wife and I are going through a tough time. We've been together almost a decade, married for 2 years. Our relationship has always been great but the last few years I've been a less then ideal partner. Specifically I haven't been very good at showing her that I appreciate her, showing her how I feel about her, showing her how the things she does make me feel, etc. This resulted in her feelings starting to change for me. That has come to a head recently and I've been actively working on my failings, as she has on hers, to grow out of this. To get closer, to to rekindle our love and to move forward.
In any case, as a part of this larger issue we started having a discussion about how there have been changes in how we are physically attracted to one another. I didn't choose my words carefully and, for all intents and purposes, said what came across to her as "you looked better at 21 then at 31" or worse "you're fat now you weren't then". The reality is she looks great now and she looked great then and she is not fat at all. She isn't devastated, but it has certainly caused her to be more self conscious. I've profusely apologized and tried to reword my intent many times. I've said all of the things I can think of from telling her she looks beautiful, hot, amazing to appreciating her body in intimate moments.
I'm looking for advice fellow redditors. I'm active on Reddit in other areas but created a throw away for this. How else can a guy in my position continue to put his wife's concern's at ease? How else can I let her know that she is beautiful, sexy, perfect, not fat all, etc? What are the little things I can do over the next few weeks and months to let her know how I really feel? | i said something stupid and now my wife thinks she's fat/looked better 10 years ago. i need help fixing it. |
t3_4kuxmy | relationships | Me [19 M] considering cutting my father out of my life for good. | Backstory: My parents dated for many years and then had me, they then broke up shortly after. They have remained in contact with each other and both of them parented me equally for the most part.
My relationship with my mom has always been a great one, as a single mother she did a great job with me. I grew up in a middle class family and had a fine childhood with her and her side of my family.
My dad and his family on the other hand, have brought nothing but trouble. My dad was always the yelling and angry parent and for a short period of time cut himself out of my life when i was a young child (probably around 7 or 8). His side of the family fights amongst themselves often, almost all of them have someone in the family that they currently don't talk to, and all of them have fought at some point.
They are the wealthy side, so, for example, I drive one of my dads cars and that side of the family helps pay for a good deal of college, however, nothing is free when it comes for them and they hold it over your head at every available opportunity.
Now that I am back from college, my father is making my life a miserable hell and my mother is pushing me to standup to him and cut him out of my life. I've consider it for a while, but have always been terrified of him, especially when he is being awful as he is now. Should I cut him out? | Grew up with single parents, great mom, sometimes not so great dad. Dad pays for a lot of things but also is very demanding and aggressive, should I cut him out? |
t3_1lamoq | relationships | Me[26M] with my gf [33F] of a year; relationship may be interfering with job prospects. | Hey All,
My gf [33F] and I [26M] have been dating for just over a year and have been living together for just over four months.
I have recently graduated college and am seeking employment in my field; unfortunately, the vast majority of positions available are in remote areas or involve shiftwork. I know my gf has no interest in moving to a remote, small town or being forced into a de facto long distance relationship due to a 2 on/off shift. There are some positions available in communities she approves of (she is not opposed to moving in general, but opposes moving to a nowheresville), but they are very few and far between, and intensely competitive.
Whenever the job search comes up in conversation, she gets upset at the thought of moving to a small-ass town or only seeing me sporadically due to shift work. I keep telling her we'll find something that works but deep down I doubt if that's realistic.
I am considering breaking up with her if necessary in order to get my new career started; I'm not willing to work non-career shit jobs just to pay the rent and barely get by.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks r/relationships!
And I am planning to sit her down and discuss this, but just wanted to see if you guys had any tips first. | New college graduate, job prospects require moving, gf is very selective of acceptable locations to the point that it may affect my employment opportunities. |
t3_2ysj1y | relationships | Me [18F] with my Boyfriend[17M] 3 months, really upset over one of his closest friends. | Hello reddit...first time posting in this section. I apologize in advance if this is the wrong section to post this. My boyfriend recently had one of his closest friends land in the hospital. He won't go into detail, and I won't prod him for any as well.
He has been really upset over this situation and he's already really stressed out. I have no idea how to help or comfort him. He spends as much time in the hospital as he can trying to get updates on said friend's condition.
He barely gets any sleep as it is and has to wake up early for school and various commitments. I worry he's going to wear himself out. We barely spend any time together anymore, which I understand. | boyfriend's close friend is really sick in the hospital. He is really upset. How can I comfort my boyfriend, or at least try to make him not so sad 24/7? |
t3_54eq8c | relationships | What should I [19/F] do to respect my house mates [48/F] boundaries and still be able to have sex with people in my room which has zero sound isolation? | I really like my house mate, she's a really nice and open minded person. She's a writer, so she sometimes needs to be able to focus. Also, she is a light sleeper (been really afraid of thieves so she's easy to wake up), so I already have to be really careful at night not to wake her up.
However, I'm a 19 year old and pretty sexually active girl. I can't always go to my partner's house, and after all we're house mates she's not my mom :P.
I guess sex at 2 am isn't an option, but then so is sex at 8 pm not an option since she'll be home most probably. But then it's also my house so I should be able to have sex whenever I want. I want to be respectful to her, but also not be too constricted about this topic.
So what should I do? Should I talk to her about it? I'm quite embarrassed and don't know how to go about it. Also we've been housemates for two weeks now, and I'll be staying there for the rest of the school year. Any advice is welcome. ^^ | I want to be able to have sex at home, but don't want to disturb my housemate or damage our relationship. How should I go about it? |
t3_s471l | relationships | Girlfriend wants her independence and me. What do I do? | Girlfriend and I are 19. My first relationship, her second after a short high shool thing. I'm a virgin, and I'm assuming she is as well as we've never discussed sex although our relationship nearly progressed to that point. We've been together almost 5 months.
She wanted to take a break. We're still taking a break until our projects are finished. The gist of it is that she doesn't want to committ anything. She doesn't want to be held responsible or be beheld to anyone. She enjoys her independence. She doesn't want to get close to any one person. But at the same time she still wants me. After talking, she wants to try again. She's trying to tell me that over the course of our relationship, as we opened up to one another, she was in fact not being honest with herself and was denying whatever it was that felt wrong to her. She still can't understand what it is. Best I can tell, she's conflicted.
I was never in the mindset to go to college and fool around with women. I never even thought I'd want a girlfriend for a long time. But when I met her, I decided I didn't want to be the introvert I had been for so long. When I find something I want, I dedicate myself to it. I want to build a relationship with her.
I asked if she wanted to have an open and honest relationship with me. She said she thinks so, and asked if I did "even after how dumb I've been". And I said yes.
I know there's nothing I could do to change who she is. I wouldn't want to. Mistakes and all, I wanted HER. Am I crazy to keep pursuing her? Or is it normal to want to stick with the one you really like, despite their indecision about what they want from you? When they tell you that they basically lied how they acted with you, how can you ever trust them again. That the things they do are real. | Girlfriend likes her independence, is nervous to open herself up to someone, but still wants me. Am I crazy to keep going. I don't think so, but apparently I've been wrong before. |
t3_1bni9g | relationships | I (m16) just found out that my GF (f22) is a sociopath | We have been together for one month now, but we've known each other since 2010. I think she's the most perfect woman I've ever known, and I'm very happy when I'm with her. She's pretty, intelligent, funny and charming, and she makes me enjoy life. I know there's an age gap, and she was initially a bit hesistant to be involved with me romantically because of it, but there has been no problems what so ever.
But last night she confided to me that she has a diagnose: antisocial personality disorder. I already knew that she has some serious trouble bonding with people. In her own words, she doesn't care for most people. At all. She told me that she has hurt people in the past, both emotionally and physically. She has done some very bad things, but she's trying to better herself. She also told me that she doesn't expect me to stay now that I know this, but I don't want to leave her. She has always been good to me. But at the same time, she's a master at manipulating people, and I'm afraid she's doing just that to me, even though she has no reason to. | I am dating a sociopath. She's being honest with me about it, but now I'm scared. What should I do? Can sociopaths learn to love? |
t3_1x9216 | dating_advice | I have an Oedipus Crush on a girl and it is giving me a trip | Forgive the length of this post, because it is a bit long and kind of weird. I am currently in a position at my college that is of high regard and hard to get, the head of this position is much older than me and of a different generation. She has without a doubt provided many opportunities for my position and even has given me awards that really help out my resume and my good standing with the school. As a result of this I greatly admire this person and see her I think as a somewhat maternal figure, because she works so hard and is a very cool person.
Now here is where it gets kind of odd, my friend usually hits on lots of girls and I never really look twice. Lately though I spoke with one of the girls he had just hooked up with and she reminded me just of my boss. I do not know if he wants a relationship with her, but I have been having strong feelings for her. I feel really odd and defensive for her and am wondering if I in part have an Oedipus Crush on her. It is truly an odd idea, but I do place value on some of Freud's Theories. | I have a crush on one of my friend's potential GFs because she reminds me a lot of my boss that I admire greatly |
t3_30zt7r | college | Vanderbilt or UCSD for computer science? | Hey everyone,
I was accepted to Vanderbilt and UCSD over the past few weeks and now I'm stuck with the difficult decision of choosing where to go.
I plan on majoring in computer science and at Vanderbilt I got into the college of engineering (where their computer science program is located) but at UCSD I got into my alternate major, Math and Computer Science (Department of Mathematics). In order to do comp sci at ucsd I would have to transfer to the other department which is impacted as well so theres a pretty good chance that I might not be able to switch. Would that math and comp sci major be similar enough to the normal one?
However, in terms of finances, I would be paying in state tuition for UCSD whereas I would be paying full tuition at Vandy. Would I be able to talk to anyone at Vandy about reducing costs? | UCSD is ranked higher in compsci and is cheaper than vandy but vandy gives me the guarantee of doing computer science and is a much more prestigious university overall; which one would you recommend I lean towards and why? |
t3_22cule | weddingplanning | Advice needed because I HATE confrontation | When I originally got engaged a year ago, I asked two of my friends (in a couple) to stand next to me in the wedding. Since then, the female part of the couple has gone NUTS, commandeering the wedding, insulting my fiance, and just being a general bitch. She has also stopped allowing the man of the couple and I to talk, and has stopped hanging out with people, so I see them about once every 2-3 months, when they live a block away.
I spoke to her about how she was acting and how it made me feel, and told her that I felt we were no longer friends. She took it maturely, and we went a while without talking. Until in the last week, she has gotten back in touch with me assuming she and her bf are still in the wedding. I intend to invite them, but I don't want them standing next to me. We rarely talk, and I feel that we just do not have that close of a relationship anymore. Plus I dont trust her.
Is there a polite way to let her know that I have other people in mind for the bridal party? I dont want to start a fight or hurt her feelings, but I also dont want her that involved. | Bridesmaid-zilla accepted that she is no longer a friend, but does not understand that she is no longer a bridesmaid. |
t3_2d0o6b | relationships | I [16F] lost my virginity four days ago to a guy [17M] whose facebook profile says he is in a relationship. | On Sunday my girlfriend broke up with me, and it was an incredibly unhealthy relationship so I moved on quickly, to say the least. I've been away for the past six weeks and on Monday I ended up hooking up with one of the guys here at the program I'm doing.
We moved quickly, so on Tuesday we had sex. We were both experienced but both virgins (at least in the traditional sense of the word -- I had sex with my ex but somehow it felt more "real" with a guy). We had sex that day, and for two days after that. We hardly saw each other yesterday and today, although I did get a chance to say goodbye before he left (the program ends today).
A couple days ago I told him I really liked him, but we were on the same page in that neither of us want a relationship right now, especially because we live across the country from each other.
I looked at his facebook profile before but I honestly don't remember if there was anything about a relationship on it. Now it says he's in a relationship, but it doesn't have a name listed.
I've thought of a couple rational explanations that don't involve him being a blatant liar but I'm still freaking out. I just need help right now. | I've been hooking up with a guy for the past week and lost my virginity to him, and I JUST noticed his profile on facebook says he's in a relationship. |
t3_2zbkny | personalfinance | (USA) Entrepreneur wanting to finish bachelors -- should my business pay for my schooling? | Hey all,
I'm looking to go back to school and I'm trying to figure out the best way to pay for it. I own my own business (the reason I put my schooling on hold), and I was thinking of using my LLC to sponsor my education.
Not sure if it matters, but I am pursuing a bachelors in Business Administration. I've done a decent amount of research, and I cannot really find any good resources on the topic. If someone could explain the tax implications to me (for me and my business), I would really appreciate it.
* My salary: ~$45,000
* Family savings: ~$25k
* Current debt: ~$100 (just a credit card)
* Exemptions: Myself, wife, and 1 kid
* Personal Deductions: Standard
* Home situation: renting
* Estimated Yearly Tuition + school expenses: ~$38,000
Any advice regarding the tax implications of my situation would be much appreciated. While not unappreciated, I am not looking for advice on going/not going back to school. Thanks! | Had kids and stopped my university studies halfway through to open a business (LLC). Should I use my business to "sponsor" my degree? |
t3_yxqfj | AskReddit | What are your views on children's sports? | With the Little League World Series going on, it had me wonder if I am the only person that thinks the whole "everybody wins" thing is stupid and just setting kids up for disappointment. IMHO, 5-6 year olds shouldn't even really be worrying about sports and there are so many overly drawn parents that think their kids will be the next Michael Jordan. There are nearby leagues in my area that now offer "everybody wins" leagues where NO scores are kept. Most of the rec leagues in my area don't even offer playoffs or championship games until the kids are 11-12! I think its kind of ridiculous to shelter kids like that because I for one, am going to teach my kid from the beginning that you don't always win. | I believe kids are being set up for disappointment in their lives and their lives are too "unicorns and rainbows" |
t3_3z5irf | relationships | My [23F] first dating experience with a guy [24 M] I've been seeing for a little over 2 months now. Is this all there is to dating? | We met through friends and he's a sweet, caring, nice guy. If I hadn't had met him through my friends, I'll be honest, he wouldn't be the type I'd go for. He doesn't have a lot of confidence and is very awkward (think socially crippled, naive and innocent). I've never met anyone like him. He's strange, but my god, the sweetest person I've ever met. **My question is...is this all there is to dating? Just two nice people, doing nice things for each other until one or the other falls in love?**
For me, this is what it feels like. I'm still young and I've got lots to learn. Friends tell me it's normal not to feel immediate sparks or chemistry and that maybe it'll be a slow burn type of relationship.
After our dates/hangouts so far, I've felt more comfortable around him but can't say that I've fallen head over heels for him. But I care for him very, very deeply and I feel like I'm way in too deep to hurt him by telling him how I feel. I did tell him after the first date, I wasn't looking for anything romantically but would love to keep hanging out. But our hangouts so far have felt like dates, but I don't mind as I really enjoy his company. And he has really grown on me.
My struggle is that I'm waiting for the feelings that I'm afraid won't come. I've learned so much about him these past few months, and I want to see him happy. He deserves it. He deserves happiness and a change in his life and I want to be there to see that.
I've felt chemistry before...but with guys I could never be with (i.e. coworkers). I just don't feel the same chemistry with this guy yet, but I feel comfortable with him and safe. I am a very nurturing and empathetic person by nature and I wonder if I'm trapping myself by being nice. I'm torn and I'm not sure what to do. | Dating a sweet, nice guy with little confidence, but I feel like we're just two nice people doing nice things for each other. Is this all there is to dating/relationships? |
t3_1i7vxn | relationships | Does she (22/F) dress to gain my (23/M) attention in a "different way"? | So we've been partnering up with this girl for class. We're both in our early 20s and I like her and I think she does too, inadvertently we've pulled all nighters talking.
Anyway, the issue is that she always dresses well and she's of the best looking girls in my year. But when we meet out for our uni project I always got the impression that she's way more revealing than she normally is.
I have seen her wear low tops and short-skirts/shorts even before we knew-knew each other, but she would do it far less frequently IIRC (I think only once or twice I saw her like this), yet when we meet it's almost always the case.
I'm kind of a newbie in the dating scene so I'm quite bad at taking cues, I like her company and of course I don't mind that she's so good looking. If anything I'm kinda intimitated by her looks, she's not the sort of girl I've imagined dating when I was a teen (I'm not bad looking, I'm just not the kind of social bee who could ever date the best looking girls).
So I've played it conservatively, I saw to her that I care, but I've not been overtly flirty or anything. She respects me and seems that she likes me, but I'm not sure if she likes me *that* way, does dressing up when we meet -can- point to that direction?
Because if it does I honestly have no idea, what I should do next. I always showed that I liked her but always with offhand comments, I never did directly with prior planning as in to try to impress her. Should I be more expressive?
For example I think that if I ask her out she'd probably say yes, but I feel too terrified to do even that, my last relationship was far from typical so I had avoided all those steps. And now I'm not sure if I have to follow them, or how. I don't want to lose this girl over sth silly as inexperience, but at the same time I want to dissapoint her even less... | She seems to dress up more than usual when we meet. Does she do so to impress me? And if yes what it's better to do next in such situations? |
t3_u8cp9 | AskReddit | What funny things have happened to you because of a language barrier? | I have a lot of family in Italy on my father's side. Years ago on my first trip over, we went for pizza with a bunch of family I had never met and who didn't speak any english (just extremely fast venetian dialect (think someone from Barcelona, Spain speaking Italian and you're close)).
Anyway, when it came time to order I asked for a pepperoni pizza in my very broken italian. The waiter gave me a puzzled look but accepted it and moved on to the next person.
Fast forward to the pizza arriving. To my great surprise a great big pizza is plopped down in front of me absoutely COVERED with red peppers. I sat there just looking at it for a few moments and then my dad (who speaks decent Italian) started to crack up. Apparently pepperoni (actually peperone) means red pepper in Italian. Well fuck me....
My dad explained what I had done to everyone and all of the Italians had a good laugh at my expense. The people that owned the place were friends of friends and they brought me another pizza and it was amazing (if you've never had pizza in Italy at a Pizzaria full of locals, you've never had pizza). | Don't order a pepperoni pizza in Italy. You'll get a pizza covered in red peppers and Italians will laugh at you. |
t3_2etxft | relationships | Me [28 M] with my GF [28 F] of 2.5 years just signed a 2-year lease together and now I feel "trapped" | i just signed a two year lease with her. i definitely love her but i am concerned we might want different things. i eventually want to move somewhere different, even for a few years (California is top of list) and she doesn't want to leave home or her job.
additionally where we just signed is not my favorite locale. it's a quiet community and i am concerned that i might just get bored/anxious living there for such a long term (2 years is long!)
maybe this is just me thinking/anticipating the worst but now i feel locked up here until im 30 and i am still unsure if she's the one i want to marry and i KNOW i don't want to live here long term.
help ease my fears, reddit... | not 100% gf is the one for me, we want somewhat different things and i just signed a 2-year lease somewhere im not sure i want to be |
t3_3ffac0 | legaladvice | Divorce. My step-dad will not my mother into their property. What can she do? | My mom is divorcing my dad. They have two properties and she needs both appraised for the divorce proceedings. One property she lives in now. The other property has three units, one he lives in and the other two are rented out. He will not let me my mom into the other property in order for it to be appraised. He also gets quite a bit of rental money from it but stated to the court that he is now both homeless and losses money on this house. My mom doesn't have a key and there are renters that live there. How can be get into the property in order to get the house appraised? How can be prove that he gets rental income?
Also, the house is only in his name but they bought it during the marriage. She put down 100% of the money to buy it.
Yes, he is not a very nice man and talking to him like a normal human being will not work. He works for cash and claimed $5,000 on his income taxes but the rental property itself brings about $30,000 per year and he has been taking care of it and pocketing the money. My mom makes about $70,000 so since she is the high earner she is looking at possible spousal maintenance.
He always worked for cash and never gave my mom money for bills or food. They have been married for 13 years. There were no children to take care of during the marriage because he is my stepdad and they got married after I was 18. He just chose not to contribute and occasionally cut the grass.
Now he wants 100% of the rental property for himself because he did some remodeling there. My mom put down all the money in order to buy the place. He wants 50% of the house my mom lives in now (which is fine). He wants 50% of her 401k. He has lots of hidden assets which he is hiding from the courts (worth as much as the 401k my mom has). He is lying to the courts that he does not have an income while he works for cash.
I'm looking for ideas on what to do. I know you guys have given great advice to others in the past. Thanks
We live in Illinois. | My father will not my mother into one of their houses. She needs to get it appraised. House is in his name. She also needs to prove to the courts that he gets rental money because he is lying to the judge. |
t3_3cqe12 | tifu | TIFU by taking a shots before a job interview. | I've been unemployed for a little over a year now, mainly because I was away at university and have trouble balancing school/work. I had money saved up from working so many years before it so I, stupidly, thought it would be a good idea to take the year off and focus on classes. After job searching for about two months I finally landed an interview, but not just any interview... A video interview. WTF? I guess it's the new thing... But anyway, basically questions pop up on the screen, you get a few seconds to prepare, then you have about 2 minutes to answer the question.
You see yourself on video talking to no one, it's extremely awkward, and to me it was extremely humorous as well. So, not knowing how awkward/funny it would be beforehand, I thought I'd take a couple vodka shots to loosen up. Not only did I "loosen up", but I kept making eye contact with myself on the screen and laughing hysterically. Example: **Q-**Explain a time you experienced bad customer service. **Me-** "I went into a...pffffffft...pffft.... store once and a girl named Jes---bahahahaaaaa! Sorry.." I would say I really, REALLY fucked up. But people must've done much worse than me, because I've already heard back from them. | Today I *kind of* fucked up by taking shots before an interview, but apparently the company is still interested in me. |
t3_2kiz70 | tifu | TIFU by hanging up on my grandma. | I wake up from my lazy-as-fuck daytime nap to hear the phone ringing. This is my parents house, but none of them are home right now; I figured that I would go up and answer it.
"Hello? Who is this?" I said. So far, so good.
Some nasally woman with a deep voice answers it with a "Hello?". She was nobody I recognized, so being the socially awkward asshole I was, I couldn't muster the courage to respond, and and I hung up. A bit afterwards I have a bit of a realization; *Didn't that lady sound an a little bit like my grandma?* Huh. Oh well.
Fucked around on my computer and procrastinate for the rest of the day, as I normally do. It seemed that my dad had to work late for some reason, and I end up going to bed before he finishes up his overtime.
The following morning, my dad stepped into my room and told me that my grandfather had died. A bit of a bummer, but we didn't really know him that well. Apparently, my dad was too busy handling the situation in the hospital and with my grandmother to come home that night. He kept my mom updated, but she decided to go to bed early, so I never found out.
Oh shit. My grandmother. That woman I hung up on yesterday WAS my grandmother, and she sounded all nasally and weird because *she was fucking crying over her dead husband*. And I didn't even bother to respond to her. Uh, WHOOPS. | Hung up on a lady because she sounded weird; she was my grandmother, and she sounded weird because she was crying over my grandpa's dead body. |
t3_2wbgrr | dogs | Tiny Puppy in the Big Dog Park | I have a ~15 lb 2 year old Papillon and a 5 lb eight month Japanese Chin/Pom mix. Both of them are fixed. We take them hiking and to the dog park every weekend, but the park has a very small little dog park which is almost always empty and the big dog park where there's a whole bunch of space but it's always bustling. We've been letting our Pap off leash and walking around where he has the chance to sniff other dogs and let them sniff him, but he mostly follows us. We keep our little mix on leash because she's still fairly young and gets too easily distracted still. Should we not be taking them in there at all? We only did the first time because the small dog park was closed and there were a ton of little dogs in the park. The guidelines say > 20 lbs, but there are a bunch of shih-tzu and other smaller dogs in there and so far there hasn't been an incident? We also play it by ear as to which park we go into, but there just isn't enough space for them to run or play in the little park and there are hardly ever any other dogs in there. I just read a bunch of posts about little doggies being injured and now I'm super-concerned even though so far there's been no incident with my dogs (although there's a lot of humping with other dogs that owners don't pay attention to, which pisses me off). | are my pups okay at the big dog park with lots of space where we can walk or should I keep them in the little dog park where they just try to sit on the bench?? |
t3_1gmbuc | relationships | I [18M] may have feelings for bestfriend, even though I'm in a relationship with [17F] | I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 8 months now, everything is going really really well to the point where we are going to try a long distance relationship (we both want to try at one point in our lives and we thought why not now)...
The only problem is that as I am graduating this year and have started to come down with "senioritis"... starting to realize that high school is ending and that I may not see a lot of people as much as I would want to. This becomes evident with one of my bestfriend (18F) who is also graduating this year.
I have been best friends with her since freshman year of high school. I never saw her as anything more than a best friend in the first 3.5 years of high school. However now that I've graduated and having become closer from graduation trip and hanging out whilst my girlfriend still has school, I have started realizing how much I am gonna miss this girl.
My best friend is leaving for summer vacation and I will only get to see her for a couple of days before I leave for college in a different country. There is a part of me that wants to tell her how I feel; something like "I just wanted to tell you... blah blah blah" however I'm afraid that it may compromise my friendship with her. At the same time I think I need to get it off my chest and just let her know about it, I won't see her for 6 months anyways...
Do not get me wrong, I love my girlfriend and would never ever cheat on her, I just really feel like I need to get this off my chest
To clarify I am still planning on doing long distance with my girlfriend, it's more of a getting it off my chest than a "I hope something happens" situation | I am suffering from senioritis and want to tell my best friend of four years that I have this weird feeling about her... However I feel horrible especially with my girlfriend of 8 months just about to start a long distance |
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