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t3_101692 | relationship_advice | I [28/m] dated my girlfriend [27/f] for eight years. We haven't spoken in two months. I got a text yesterday because she wanted to take me out for her birthday. | We dated for 7 years. Much of that was while we were in college. We lived together for 3 years. We had a dog. We also had to have an abortion.
She was lovely in many ways, and a small terror in others. Usually i just wanted our relationship to be spent in harmony and she was more goal oriented than I was. I am motivated but of the meandering type. I always get where I want to go but don't really seem like I'm in a rush.
I often found her illogical and emotional, her mood swings were pretty bad. We broke up a few months ago but still clung to some sort of relationship. Which was often about sex, she was always more sexual than I was but my libido has increased as I approach 30. For the last 2 months we have not spoken. I got a text yesterday that asked "would you like to go to lunch or dinner for your birthday?"
So what does reddit! think? Should I throw caution to the wind and take her up on it? How much emotional damage could I do to myself by accepting? | 8 year relationship. Haven't spoken in two months. Should I let her take me to lunch or dinner for my birthday? |
t3_269b04 | relationships | My (21M) long-distance girlfriend (19F) of five months will sometimes completely ignore me and never initiate contact. | I've been in this long-distance relationship for about five months now. We see eachother about once a month. Things were going great until about month four. That's when she started ignoring or "forgetting about" my texts and FB messages for multiple hours at a time, and completely ceased initiating contact. I've gone over a day before not texting her at all, before giving in and finally contacting first.
About a week ago, I brought the issues to her over Skype and asked her if she wanted to break up. She made a bunch of excuses, cried, made me feel like I was overreacting, and made it VERY clear she did not want to break up. But it hasn't stopped or even gotten any better.
I really care about this girl, so I don't want to end it unless I'm sure that it's doomed anyways. I won't see her until I go home in two weeks. | Girlfriend will never initiate contact and will regularly ignore me for hours at a time. I've brought it up with her but nothing changed. Should I just end it or is there something else I can do? |
t3_4l1i1r | relationships | Do I[20F] tell my SO[24M] of 1 year that I have a crush on someone[22M]? | Hello reddit,
So let me get some backstory on this, its more of an ethical question if any. Two years ago I was in my first serious relationship and basically my SO back then was very paranoid of a very close friend of four years (we emotionally supported each other through abusive parents/life experiences etc.) I had mixed feelings, wasnt sure if I really liked him more than a friend or just was very fond of him because we connected on such a deep level (not sexually or romantic or anything). But we never did anything and he wasn't interested in dating or whatever so there really wasnt anything to worry about but my SO was jealous.
This ended up in argument one night which eventually led to the death of our relationship. He told me he had a crush on someone when he was in college (I was a senior in HS at this time, he was a freshman in college so it was LDR) but he distanced himself a lot and nearly cut contact with her because he didnt want to act on it and valued or relationship. Apparently it was like 6 months prior but I was really hurt and angry he didnt tell me beforehand and I had no idea but idk. The relationship ended soon after.
So basically a few years later im currently in a rough spot with my current relationship and have realized I might have stronger feelings for a coworker than I realized (thought he was super interesting, we hung out and I realized look forward/am really happy to see him more than a normal friend). So I remembered what my past SO did and distanced myself from said friend and have been working on my current relationship, but I feel kinda weird.
Do you tell a SO that you have a crush on someone else? I figure this happens from time to time and I have never cheated and wont act on my emotions (if it ever did come to that i would break up first). Like are you being dishonest if you dont tell them or is it unnecessary if you just cut the person out anyways? | Caught myself having feelings on a close friend, put distance between myself and crush. Not sure if its dishonest to not tell SO about it or just keep it to myself because it can be hurtful. |
t3_34ljr6 | relationship_advice | My crush [F17] is coming over to my [M17] house for a movie. | So, this girl is one I have had a crush on for a long while. I think she likes me back since she engages in conversation, hugs me a lot, is cheerful around me etc. Two weeks ago she told me that she had trouble downloading a movie and I went ahead to invite her over at my place to watch it. She enthusiastically accepted which is when I sort of knew she liked me (in these two weeks she could have downloaded the movie and watched it herself).
Anyway, I have had a couple of girlfriends in the past but I have never been so nervous about them.
I would love some tips and advice on what to do. What I have planned is:
* Romantic movie (she asked)
* A couple of beers
* Pizza (she loves pizza)
* Popcorn
Thank you In advance | Crush accepted invitation to my place for a movie, I think she likes me back. Any tips on what to do? |
t3_e1vcr | AskReddit | My mother wants to cut funding to my college. I go to an Ivy League School. | Firstly, throwaway account
Secondly, [original post]
Thirdly, crosspost from suicidewatch.
God damn it things were going to be okay, I fucking thought they were.
Okay, so a month ago. I got some help from SuicideWatch and you guys really did help (You helped me put my things in perspective, realize that a 2.2 isn't the end of the world, and in all honesty, I can't thank you guys enough for that). Recently I had another midterm. However, I was supposed to do my test in a Testing Center (part of my 504/Academic accommodations plan). Something went wrong and long story short I couldn't get extended time for my second midterm. I studied my ass off and did what ever I could to soften the blow. The worst part is I actually knew the stuff, I knew I could ace that midterm. I live with my parents and my mom (econ major/tutor) is pissed at me, she has been because she thinks that I'm living the typical rich brat life (which I don't even want). She said If I get less than 100%, I'm cut off. All my hopes of even getting my degree are slowly unraveling. She said that I can't even transfer to community college with my grades and that I can't afford it even with financial aid.
Don't get me wrong you guys, I thank you so much for all your help, and I thought that this was the end of it all, but apparently I'm back on square 1. I'm scared and I think I might do something irrational being in this conflict. I don't know what to do, guys. I have literally nothing in marketable skills and this little piece of paper is all I'm praying on. Now that shit is gone. | I'm threatened of getting kicked out of college for not getting an A on one exam. Everything I did was for nothing. |
t3_2344oi | travel | Re-entering the US within the 90 days of the Visa Waiver Program | Hello travelers,
I have been one week in the US last week for work, and I am coming back next week for holidays with my girlfriend.
At the entrance of the US border I have been granted a VWP permit of 90 days. Reading on the US embassy it states that I can re-enter the country with no problems (at discretion of the border agent) unless it shows I wanna try and stay there.
I have return tickets to my country of residence, where I work, and this should be enough proof even to skeptical guys.
My question is, do I have to show the border agent that I have already been approved a VWP permit? Or will they re-start it?
It's the first time I travel so closely in time to the US and I have no clue! :)
thanks! | Going in the US for the second time in a short period of time, don't know how it works with the VISA etc. |
t3_2a06kw | tifu | TIFU by keeping my trashcan in the same exact spot as always | TIFU
I live in a rather rainy part of the world, especially in the summer. We have kept our trashcan in the same spot for as long as I can remember and never had any problems with it. But today, as I went to take the trash out I noticed it was exceptionally heavy and could barely move it. We had a party this weekend so I thought maybe there was too much trash in it.
So I opened it up and started taking bags out. I then noticed the water filling up about half of the can...and it stunk. I had to dump it out. So I push as hard as I can and it finally topples on its side and out rushes the filth, flooding the side yard and soaking anything that was not already soaked before, including the lower half of my body.
I pulled out the bags to make sure all of the water was out, but noticed that the 3 or 4 bags at the very bottom were completely full of water and trash. In my half trash soaked state I waddle into the garage and grab a pair of scissors to poke holes in the bags.
While draining the bags I see bits of decomposing food float out and start gagging. I held it in with everything in me and tried to get this disgusting mess to the curb. As it drained little bits of brownish water splashed onto various parts of my body and I felt like I wasn't breathing fresh air. I finally get to the last bag and as I stab it, a burst of disgusting water shoots straight at my chest. As another wave of gagging rushes over me I throw every piece of trash that I could muster up the courage to touch into the can and take it down to the curb as fast as possible.
Commence the burning hot shower with scrubbing 3 times and the clothes burning. I can't walk over to my side yard without flashbacks rushing over me due to the rancid smell. Thanks mother nature, lesson learned. | trashcan filled with rain, made a nice brew of trash tea, went to dump it out, became soaked in the tears of rotting garbage. But I didn't puke, so I got that going for me |
t3_hfhzo | relationships | It makes me nervous that my GF is still friends with a lot of the guys she's slept with. | Or rather, she's dated or hooked up with most of the guys she was friends with, at one time or another.
--This is a hard issue for me. I know the names of most of the guys she's done stuff with in the past, and it is hard enough for me to even think about these guys without thinking, "that guy fucked my GF" and get depressed/jealous/whatever. Whatever feeling it is, pretty much ruins my mood for the day. To be honest I don't know why I get emotional about it. It could be lack of confidence, ego issues, my lack of dating history.
--Whatever it is, I can't handle her talking about these guys in whatever stories she's telling very well. If she texts any one of them for much longer than 20-30 minutes I get angry, even though I don't want to. The worst was that more than one of these guys has mentioned how fun it was hooking up with her while messaging her.
--That's why it's so hard for me to know that she is back home for the summer, where all of these people are, and has told me that she plans on hanging out with at least one of them. I told her, "do what you want, because I don't want to be a possessive BF. You know that I have a hard time dealing with it but I'm not going to tell you what to do." But I really don't know how well I'll take it when she says, "I'm hanging out with _____."
--I know a lot about these guys because of the random stories I've been told. I'm uneasy about the quality of character that some of these people have. Some are just complete nerds like me. Some are dropouts that get drunk every night. I know that some of them were primarily best friends, and they hooked up randomly at some point in their friendship. It still doesn't help me feel good.
--I guess I'm posting this because I want I want advice and encouragement. **Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it? | My girlfriend still hangs out and talks with a lot of the guys she's hooked up with and It makes me feel bad |
t3_28ex43 | tifu | TIFU by forgetting I am schizofrenic | So... I was just minding my own buisness, walking down the streets, when I realized I had forgotten to call my girlfriend to tell her I was going to go out with my friends. So, naturally, I take out my cell phone and I called her cellphone. Something fell weird, but when she answered it, I just started talking, like a complete retard. "Hey, darling, I will go out with my friends and we'll be back by midnight, OK?" Something was defenitively wrong. "OK, I guess." Anxious to know what was wrong, I quickly said "Love you babe. Cya." Halfway downroad, I realized what was wrong. I am a disorganized schizofrenic, which basically means my head is a mess, and I also hear some voices when I am really stressed out. Anyway, I also have some weird, fake illusions. The girl I just called, whom I belived was my girlfriend, was my crush, and I was fantasizing about her being in a relationship with me for some days. Anyway, now I have to tell her that I am schizofrenic, and that will probably mean a bad ending. | Called my crush, whom I thought was my girlfriend, told her I love her. Fuck schizofrenia. |
t3_n2jvw | dating_advice | [24/M] Broke up with my GF of just over a year this weekend. Confused. | I broke up with a girl that I had been seeing for a little over a year this past weekend because I felt that she maturity-wise and intellectually still in high school. Everything else about her was great, physically attractive, sexually active, open minded, similar hobbies and interests. I just didn't see her mature at all over the course of the relationship and I felt that it was time to end it.
The problem is, it hasn't been 3 days and I feel the need to find someone else. This happens every time I'm single. I don't enjoy being single at all, as I feel I don't benefit from it. I rarely ever get random hook ups, and even then I don't enjoy them as I just find most girls repulsive both physically and in regards to their personalities. I'm just much happier in a relationship I feel is worth my time.
I exercise with friends regularly, I have hobbies, a job, I'm in school and I have a fair number of friends. Yet, it's all I can think about. I've been thinking about finding someone else for weeks, and I felt that it wasn't fair to the girl.
The other issue I have is I have high standards. I feel that I should be able to find an attractive, intelligent, open-minded, sweet (a.k.a. definition of perfect) girl. I had who I thought was my perfect girl three years ago, but she left me with very little closure and it's decimated my self-confidence ever since. Also, the area in which I live in, has very little potential for suitable girls. | Everything in my life is in balance, yet I feel the need to find a girl. Freshly out of a relationship yet I feel the need to jump into another? What gives? |
t3_1qz790 | relationships | I [21M] facilitate a yoga class. I want to ask out one of my students [22F], but feel very weird about it. | The class is a lot older than me, and I'm the current head of it (and will be for another year or so). I don't want to give the class a bad reputation if word gets around that I'm hooking up with my students. There's also the issue with being in a position of power and potentially using it as an advantage. I don't even flirt with the girls who are obviously interested.
Problem is that I like one of my students, and she's about to graduate from college soon. We ate ice cream with a mutual friend once. She mentioned she goes to the pier often to relax, and the topic came up that the 3 of us should go together. She's also going to potentially move out of town right afterwards (semi local).
The obvious answer is that I should see how things turn out at the pier, or if she shows any interest. But that little trip is most likely not going to happen as the semester is about to end soon, and I don't want to push it either. Not to mention the class is once a week, so I have about 2 classes left with her.
I have no indication at all that she's interested in me, other than wanting to share company more than once. I model, and recently another girl in the class said I belong in a romance novel. I'm not being superficial about it, and I'm not saying being attractive should mean I automatically have a chance at her. But looks are definitely an important factor, and I don't think I'm shooting beyond my league here.
I like her and enjoy her company, but I'm really confused how to go about asking her out, or if I should just learn to forget a little. I enjoy being a part of the class and I'd rather not jeopardize it, personally or academically. | I like one of my students. I have 2-3 classes left with her to sort things out, but I don't want to give the class a bad reputation or otherwise come off as creepy. |
t3_1wvonw | legaladvice | [MI] closing hours vs. posted hours | I run a closing shift to a store and decided to let people leave early because of how few people we've had over the last couple hours. After i had done so a couple came in and we're extremely mad at me telling them that we we're closed despite our website saying we we're suppose to be open at that given time. They made the claim that a business cannot deny a customer service prior closing time without righteous motives like Closing due to weather or denying them service because of them being disruptive or something, not simply because we seemingly just decided to close early.
I searched around and found no specific law stating anything about this. but i did find one thread where one person mention "I can't find the cite offhand... according to the article, Michigan state law required businesses to abide by their hours if posted." That being said we are in Michigan and i was wondering if this was a very specific law enacted which is why i'm having trouble finding it? They said it was false advertisements and said they would try to get the Better Business Bureau to fine us and they seemed to know what they were talking about and weren't belligerent but maybe they were just talking nonsense? If you have any additional information i can't find much, thank you. | Is there a Michigan specific law that requires businesses to abide by their regular posted hours that disables them from denying a customer a service within their advertised closing time? |
t3_4emds9 | relationships | Should I [21M] wait to break up with her [22F]? | I've been with my girlfriend for just under 2 years, and I'm simply not into it anymore. She didn't do anything wrong, our relationship has been pretty good. But I find myself not looking forward to seeing her and simply not very attracted to her anymore. I've decided I should break up with her.
Here's the problem: she's graduating in about 3 weeks, and then is taking the MCATS (extremely difficult and important medical school test) a few weeks after that. Her whole extended family is flying in and I'm supposed to meet them for the first time ever for graduation.
She's absolutely head over heels about me, and she has no idea I feel this way... I've been a little more distant but she just thinks it's because I'm busy with schoolwork.
Is it wrong of me to wait until after her MCATS to break up with her? I don't want to ruin her graduation and possibly make her do poorly because of me. We had a falling out about 6 months ago where we almost split and she was torn, and had a test the next week that she saiddohe really struggled studying for. She kept on telling me jokingly after we were good again "if you're gonna do that again don't do it right before I have a test".
I don't wanna drag this out because I feel like that's not the right thing to do and not fair for her, but basically her whole life is dependent on this test, and I also don't want her to be in a terrible place during graduation.
What do you guys think I should do? | I want to break up with my girlfriend but she has a massive test and graduation coming up in a month or so. Is it wrong of me to wait until after it? |
t3_39g1vt | relationships | Me [25 F] with my "fiance" [34 M] of 2 years, lonely even when we're in the same room | Where to start...
My fiance (let's call him B) and I started dating a couple of years ago. Earlier this year I basically forced him to propose to me because he wanted to have kids and I don't believe in having kids out of wedlock. Now I have a fiance, but he doesn't want to have the wedding at all. Hence why "fiance" is in quotes.
So B is very emotionally detached. He never compliments me, tells me he loves me (unless I drag it out of him), or shows any emotion towards me except indifference and then occasionally anger if we have a fight about something...typically our fights revolve around the fact that I don't feel loved and he feels like he shouldn't have to tell me he loves me because I should just know.
We also never have sex unless I initiate it.
When he comes home from work, he never kisses me or hugs me. If I hug him, he just stands there and accepts it without hugging me back. Same goes for kissing.
I feel alone. I'll try to cuddle up next to him and he just ignores it. I have to beg for him to kiss me and all I get is an emotionless peck, just an obligatory kiss so he won't have to hear me complain anymore.
One time I tried to not initiate any intimacy to see if he would initiate it. He didn't. We didn't touch one another in any way for over a week.
I don't want to break up because I see a future with him, I want to have his children, I want to grow old with him. But I'm not sure if I should stay in a relationship where I feel lonely and unloved. I doubt things will ever improve.
I'm not even sure what I want. Feedback is welcome, especially if you have dated/are dating/are married to a person who is similar. | My fiance is emotionally detached and shows absolutely no intimacy towards me. I'm not sure if I should stay or go. |
t3_1revr2 | relationships | Me [24 F] with my fiancé [28M] have a bad habit of "baby talking" to each other and it is ruining our sex life | My fiancé and I talk to each other like a person talks to a baby. We use higher pitched voices and have cutesy pet names that embarrass me to write. I don't know when this started, but our relationship was not always like this and I have only been bothered by our baby talk habits recently. It is completely distracting in the bedroom now and I can't take my partner seriously when he talks like a baby. I have spoken to him about talking to me normally but the problem is that I have gotten into the habit of doing it too. I keep catching myself using this disgusting tone of voice. I am pretty sure that I am the cause of the problem because this has happened in past relationships, too. Other than the baby talk thing, our relationship is great and we are very in love; this seems to be the only problem in our sex life. Also, he does not seem to be bothered by the baby talk at all, so it is only me who is recently annoyed with it. Is there anyone who has gone though a situation like this and has advice to break this terrible habit? | fiancé and I talk like babies to each other. It is annoying, but neither of us can break the habit and it is taking a toll on our sex life. |
t3_fyk0t | AskReddit | Reddit, Did you go to your senior high school prom? Why or why not? Feel free to add your crazy stories. | I am a high school student who will be graduating soon. Our high school prom is just around the bend and I am honestly not planning on going.
Before you ask I am not a "melvin" or a forever alone type. I just honestly don't enjoy the high school atmosphere and have very few close friends. I really never had a chance to enjoy high school. I started working full time as a sophomore to support myself and my family. Over these last couple years I have really spent very little time at the high school. This time is split between concurrent enrollment at a local community college, a pre engineering program I am a part of and a full time robotics team that I head the programming and electrical work on. I also work full time as a electronics repair tech. I am at school for three hours a day and rest is spread through my various activities.
When I do have time to socialize I usually hang out with people I work with or go to college with. | Reddit, am I really going to be missing something by not going to prom, or is it just an overhyped joke? |
t3_3c1k2o | relationships | My [m28] girlfriend [f25] is always moody lately, and I don't know how to handle it. | We've been dating for about 9 months, and I love her a lot, but lately she just always seems so moody and depressed, and its taking a toll on me.
I try really hard to be upbeat and positive, and I try to go out and have fun with her, which we do, but lately she just always is so down and seems so miserable it's taking a toll on me. She suffered from depression in the past and she assures me it's not me, but I don't know how to handle it. I talked to her about it a few times and she promised she'd make an appointment to a therapist soon, but has yet to do so.
I don't want to break up, I want to support her and I want my girlfriend back. But it's tough to feel connected when she's snapping at me or just silent, and lately it's been rubbing off on me and I've been down. I know she loves me, she's still intimate (not just sexual, but also holding hands, telling me she loves me, etc) but I can't help but take it a bit personally. I don't know what to do to support anymore, how to not resent her for it (I've had past relationships with depressed exes) and I don't want this to hurt us. I feel so emotionally drained. Please help!
I've also told her she has to make an appointment with a therapist because it's not fair to either of us. She deserves to be happy too. Loving someone with depression is hard... | my girlfriend of 9 months has been moody and depressed, and I have no idea what to do anymore. I don't want to break up, I want to support her, but it's bringing me down too. |
t3_2eensn | relationships | I [18 M] have a crush on my best friend [18 F] of four years, but need advice on whether I should confess or if she feels the same way | I met my best friend my freshman year of high school and automatically clicked with her. We would do tons of stuff together and throughout my freshman year I began to develop feelings for her. Throughout the year we would flirt a lot with each other, hold hands in the hallways and I confessed to her at the end of freshman year and she said she wanted to wait a little while before having anything serious. We kept flirting up until I finally asked her out. She rejected me because she said if she said yes she would not put as much effort into the relationship as I would and that would not be fair to me.
Sophomore year we kind of parted ways until she came back to me telling me how much she missed me so our friendship rekindled. Fast forward a year, she starts texting a guy every single morning at breakfast time with me and that turns out to be her boyfriend later down the line, ultimately she dumps him although throughout their relationship I was jealous but was able to hide it.
Senior year we really clicked and we did all sorts of things together from movies, going out to eat, going to school together. We ended up going to prom together as a couple. I want to tell her I still have feelings but looking back at her relationship with her boyfriend it really shoots me down. She will barely ever text me like she did with him, but if we do text the conversations last until late at night. We still go out every now and again and she has told me multiple times she doesn't want to lose me. Problem is, I want to be more than a friend, but I don't want to get shot down and then have to cut off the friendship because it would be awkward still being friends after getting rejected twice, yet I really don't want to lose her as a friend. So reddit, what should I do? Should I keep my feelings in so I don't lose a friend? | Been friends with this girl over 4 years, have no idea if she likes me back but don't want to lose her if she doesn't. What should I do? Sorry about the grammar. |
t3_1qj956 | relationships | I[18F] just broke up with my SO [20M] but is now confused with my feelings. | I met my SO when I was 16 for we were studying in the same university. Him under the program literature and me under biology. There were no spark nor confettis when we firt met. We just existed as acquaintances. That was november of 2011, the start of second semester in my university. On my 17th birthday, I dropped by our uni to chill for there are no people in my house that can celebrate it with me. As a treat to myself on my birthday, I borrowed a book. Zombies vs. Unicorns. It was a happy incident he was the only one with a copy that I can borrow. So that day, he dropped by, I asked for the book, he lend it to me, then I commenced once again on watching anime after he left. That summer, we became friends which later on leveled up to bestfriends after a few more months, he started on courting me. Having a romantic relationship was the last thing on my mind thus I refused his advances. But I just an't stay away from him. After all, he is my number one supporter, my most trusted confidant, and my closest friend. After a few more months of unwavering dedication, I finally answered him on the month of november of 2012 on the condition of helping me on growing up so I may grow old with him for I was a stubborn child.
As any couples have experienced, we had ups and downs. But the good times we shared would always outweigh the troubles and problems. Its just that like flowers, we had our seasons. I truly love him and our times together. But now, we really have to let go.
The thing is I feel no heartache. I thought that first love supposed to hurt the most specially for ending like ours. But I find no tears. I just don't feel any remorse or sadness. I actually feel a bit happy. Together, we have learned a lot of stuffs. I cherish our time together. I don't feel regret that we had to end our relationship. and that is what bothers me the most. I'm not asking for advices but I would love to hear your opinion(s). | I just broke up with my SO of a year and don't feel anything negative towards ending our relationship which bothers me. Is there anything you would like to pitch in? |
t3_37cgcz | relationships | My gf(19F) of 10 months broke up with me (21M) saying she didn't feel the spark anymore. | We've been together 9 months. She said that she wasn't feeling the spark we had in our relationship.
I found this very hard to believe because in the 2 months leading up to this we talked about spending our lives together all the time. She sent me pictures of wedding dresses she like, she told me what songs she thought would be good for a first dance, we had put together a timeline for when we would get engaged and married. All of this happened with in the week that we broke up. Two days before we split she was telling me I should talk to her dad about us being serious with each other.
Then she ended it saying she didn't feel the spark. She said she still loves me and cares about me and I told her the same. I would like to be together with her still. What does all that mean? | My gf broke up with me out of the blue when we had been talking about life together within 48 hours of breaking up. What does it mean? |
t3_1g0p64 | relationships | (Update) Is it wrong for me to want to stop saying "I Love You" every single night before getting off the phone? | [<------Previous post](
So I couldn't wait until the next day to talk to my girlfriend about this. So I texted her, "How would you feel if I wanted to stop saying "I Love You" every night when we end the conversation for the day? Because it was starting to feel routine and wanted to save that phrase for special moments." Her response, "I wouldn't mind I actually thought it was getting routine."
Yay!!! I'm so happy she feel the same way I do. I was nervous that she would get upset or start to question everything but nope she agreed with me. So I learned I good listen tonight. If something is bothering you or if there is a problem with the relationship then the best thing to do is talk about it with your girlfriend or boyfriend. This will keep a little problem from forming into a bigger problem. Also every guy and girl are different so what might upset one person may not upset another.
I want to thank everyone who gave me good, open-minded advice about not feeling wrong about this. | After talking to her she is okay with not saying "I Love You" every single night and saving it for the breath taking moments. |
t3_varld | AskReddit | Reddit, what are your thoughts on the soul? | As in, is there one, what happens to it, etc.
I just had an epiphany that'll probably be disproved shortly but it really shook me. I don't believe in God in the traditional sense. Always saw myself as sort of a deist or agnostic. But I kept coming back to the question of the soul. What makes people different from one another other than genetic make up, predispositions, and other outside factors?
I came to the conclusion that the soul is the collection of experiences, education, happiness, suffering, anger, accomplishments, failures, friendships, relationships, etc. that we make throughout life. These are the things and feelings that distinguish us from each other that we aren't born with. They could be entirely random or controlled based on what your opinion is but my idea is that the soul is the human experience in a sense. It isn't immortal in the physical sense but the impact of the soul, even the tiniest bit, has an impact forever or at least as far as humanity is concerned.
That's why going out and doing things, trying new activities, meeting new people feels great--it expands the soul. Repetitive, monotonous activities feel soul crushing: you don't lose anything from them except the time you could have spent expanding your perspective. Even something horrendous, like finding out a family member has cancer (which is my case) still expands the soul. You can't experience full happiness, without knowing what suffering is.
And what if "God" is just the collection of all human experiences? The universe being the physical body and humanity being the soul. Cheesy, I know, but took me aback. | Came to the conclusion (for myself) that the "soul" is just the human experience in a pretty simple sense. It's the simplest conclusion but also a complex one based on how you look at it, imho. |
t3_nmicd | AskReddit | Redditors: What are your opinions on a young woman carrying a knife on her person at all times? Also, what other women do so? | I've been carrying a knife on me for over two years. Just a plain, semi-automatic 3-inch knife. Recently, I've noticed reactions will range from scared, to concerned, to shocked, to confused, to offended, all the way to happy and empathetic.
I'm a 19-year old woman who lives in a major metropolitan city and feel the need to have something that could potentially help me should anything dire happen. Also, it is incredibly useful to have. I find myself using it often for various tasks that otherwise would be more challenging, or let's just say it, less fun to do without one. | I'm a 19-year old girl who carries a knife on her at all times. Men and women, please give your opinions or if you carry one as well. |
t3_4uem8i | askwomenadvice | HUSBAND GETS TOO MUCH ATTENTION FROM SISTER-IN-LAW | Me(60F) and husband (60M). I am embarrassed about this issue. I really do not know how to deal with this. My husband and I spend time with his brother and wife one to twice per year. Every since they married she has made it a point to be overly friendly with my husband. I have spoken to my husband regarding this and he says she is just friendly. What she does: if my husband and I are talking no disagree she will physically place herself between us and tell him he is right while smiling and laughing up to him. This past week we were at his parents doing yard and home repairs. She and I were working on projects outside while husband and brother on other projects. She left me to go assist my husband even though her husband was there to help. I mean every where my husband was for two straight days she was. If he was fixing the sink, she was holding the flashlight, if he was sitting outside fixing the weedeater she was sitting next to him. Whole family out to dinner, girls were talking...where was she next to him. He walked to bar to get a beer she made sure she went to get a drink. I saw red. I couldn't even eat dinner. Husband told me he was not doing anything...he wasn't...but I feel she is always trying to build an emotional or mental relationship with him and trying to insert herself into his life.
His brother didn't come sit at my side for two days.
bold | I am baffled. Do you sisters-in-law act this way toward your bother-in-laws? What should I do? hat should anyone do or not do? |
t3_4kl884 | weddingplanning | Question(s) for those who invited/are going to invite kids to their wedding | Hello!
We're in the process of figuring out the guest list. If we allow all kids (i.e., no age-restrictions, resulting in kids between 0-16), this means we have to invite 25 kids. My parents (who are giving us money) really want us to allow kids at the wedding, and have said several of my cousins are assuming that their kids will be invited.
My FH and I, as well as my future in-laws, don't care if kids are there. In fact, I'm incredibly uncomfortable around children, which is a well known fact by my family and friends. For instance, I've only recently gotten comfortable around my nephew, who just turned 13.
My mom *keeps* telling me that I won't notice the children there, and 25 kids "isn't that many at all!" (perspective: we're having MAX 185, if the kids are there). Is that true? For those of you who already married, were you at all nervous about kids running around? Did you attend to them more than other guests? For those of you soon to married, are you at all nervous? Does 25 kids seem like a lot? | I'm uncomfortable around kids, but my mom really wants me to invite them. There would be 25 kids at a 185-person wedding. Does this seem normal? |
t3_3a4nlx | tifu | TIFU by calling the cops because we thought someone got murdered in our bathroom (obviously, this was not the case) | SO this happened a couple months ago but just remembered it today and thought it would be a great story to tell..
Basically my roommate and I both get home at the same time one night from work. I proceed to make dinner while she goes to take a shower. 2 minutes later I hear a scream and my roommate is running out of the bathroom. This obviously shocks me so I say "what is it?!" And she says "there's blood in the tub!" So naturally, I go look and it kind of looks like this but a bit darker (and in the bathtub not the sink):
It was kind of late at night as well so when we first saw this, our first instinct was to think it was blood for some crazy reason, so we kind of have a little freak out moment and run into my bedroom. We then start to irrationally pace back and fourth and think if someone broke into our apartment and killed someone in it or something. We were both just so sure it was blood and since we both weren't home all day it definitely wasn't from our body.
So then we decide to call the police. We tell them we think someone broke in and theres blood all over our bathtub. 40 minutes go by and we're still just sitting in my room terrified not wanting to step outside of it thinking of all these crazy things that could have happened in our apartment while we were gone for the day.
So then the cops finally show up and they look in our bath tub and they just look at us like we're the biggest fools on the planet. Apparently, we just had "pink shower mold" and there was leakage during the day from our shower head that contained some of it, which is why it painted the shower that colour. Needless to say, we felt fairly idiotic and I'll never forget the look the cops gave us when he first looked into our bathtub..... I'm not sure why we couldn't rationalize that it could be something else. I think we were just tired from working all day, it really did look like blood, and our apartment was kind of in a sketchy area.
But still, a definite fuck up! Haha. | Our bathtub looked like it had blood in it so we called the cops. It actually wasn't blood, and we looked like fools. |
t3_226yvo | relationships | I [18/f] technically broke NC, feeling stressed and extremely hurt... | 7 weeks ago, my boyfriend [19/m]of 11 months dumped me. I was so devastated and cried every day for a very long time. A few nights ago, I got a call from his number but it ended up being a prank call (from one of those stupid sites, where you put in a number and it calls from it... so mature) I thought it was actually him so I texted him saying "mature.." and then.. I looked at his stupid twitter.
He started talking to this girl I hate, and made him stop talking to during our relationship because she was talking shit about me and my relationship with him, and whats worse, he was still talking to her and he used to like her. They're talking again, now after we broke up, and I feel so betrayed and awful about it even though we're done.
He was so sweet and perfect to me during our relationship, but then he dumped me and suddenly I have the value of a piece of trash on the road to him. I can't understand how someone who used to be so head over heels in love with me, and I was head over heels in love with as well, could do this to me. I feel so down. And pathetic, hence why I made this throwaway.
I want to just get over him and hate him but I can't hate him after our wonderful relationship. I still feel so caught up in him, but he is basically.. evil to me. Someone knock some sense into me so I can realize finally that I'm so much better off without this douche. | ex started talking to the girl he used to like, and a girl i really hate, 1 month after we broke up. feeling really disappointed and hurt about it, considering i thought that'd be the one thing he wouldn't do |
t3_27u6wg | relationships | I [24 F] really want to be happy for my friend [23 F] and her bf [24 M], but I feel like we aren't as close anymore. | Well, so I'll start by saying that I'm moving to a new town next month and my best friend from high school lives there too. We have always been incredibly close, she's like my platonic soul mate. I'm really excited to live near her and be able to hang out, but she's recently gotten in a relationship that I feel like has changed her. I NEVER get to hang out with her alone, her bf is pretty much always there. I think he's a really great guy and I think they're good for each other, but when we all hang out it's not like three friends hanging out, it's like me hanging out with a couple...I always feel like I'm in the middle of their date. They've only been dating for 2 months but they already talk about being in love and getting married. They're very touchy and affectionate, and so I feel pretty awkward hanging out with the two of them.
I really really want to be happy for her, and I am, but I don't want to be forgotten. Her and her bf are the only people I will really know in this new town, and I'm afraid I'm just going to be left behind. To top it all off, I've been single for a little over two years now after getting out of a serious relationship a while back, and it kind of makes me sad to be constantly surrounded by two lovebirds and their perfect relationship. I know that probably makes me selfish, but I don't want to end up constantly being the third wheel. Any advice on how/if I should approach her about it? How can I be happy for her even when it hurts me? | My best friend just got in a relationship and has kind of left me in the dust...how can I not be miserable when her and her bf are the only people I know in a new city? |
t3_2svxat | offmychest | I finally lost my virginity on Friday night and feel SUPER empowered from it (100% opposite on how I thought I would fee). | So this past week was really intense for me (and I'm not using a throwaway because two people know my username and I highly doubt they even remember it let alone check it). I'm a 23 year old female btw.
A really good friend and I decided to take a break from our friendship (it's complicated, but it wasn't healthy for either of us because we both have different things to work on ourselves at the moment) and I stupidly got in touch with a guy I was friend-zoned by for four years.
He friend-zoned me so intensly that (and I'm not blaming him solely for this) I have/had a complete fucked up sense of self/self-worth for YEARS.
Anyways so fast forward to Friday night (hours after the shitty but mature conversation with my friend - oh yeah, he's one of the one's that knows my username, oops) I went to the city with a close girl friend to celebrate her birthday.
I was white girl fucking wasted.
I hadn't drank in a long time and was wearing six inch heels so I was plastered after two drinks (didn't stop there) and I fell probably half a dozen times near the end of the night.
I don't remember when or where but we met these guys and the one I was talking to was GORGEOUS and so nice. We went to a nearby hotel (he lived in the barracks so couldn't take me to his place) and he paid for a room and we had sex.
But I was a fucking idiot. I'm not on the pill, we didn't use protection, and yeah. I'm a dumbass. (I already took plan b and plan to get tested soon-ish so I'm over it but I felt pretty stupid).
The weirdest part for me though is that I have ZERO regrets. It was really the perfect first time. I have no expectations to contact him again, he was really hot & really sweet, and it was just plain fun.
So yeah, that's my story. Had to tell SOMEONE. | Had a drunken one night stand without protection for my first time and feel super empowered now because I loved every minute of it (except for the no protection part - but got that all squared away now). |
t3_42k3hv | relationships | How do I handle telling my [19 M] strict [56 M] father that I am transferring to another university. | I currently study computer science at an institution that is famous for its humanities degrees (think Australia's Yale). I have been quite vocal about how happy I am in a discipline I finally love to my father. He teaches at an institution that is famous for engineering and IT (think Australia's MIT) and has suggested I transfer to this university earlier this year. I told him I was happy where I was. However, after looking at employment rates, starting salaries, and course structures I feel that my father was right, I should transfer to his uni.
Here's the problem, I have waited to the very last minute to apply for a transfer and university starts again in only 1 month from now. My father will undoubtedly be mad at me for changing my mind again (I have changed courses before, within my original university) and also be mad at me for doing it so late. The past 6 months I have built up his confidence in me after switching between university courses and having no direction in my life. We have a good relationship now but I feel that once I tell him the news he will lose faith in me again. I hate it when he gets mad, it makes me feel terrible for a long time and makes our relationship very awkward.
How can I make it clear to him that although my decision came late, that it is the best for me and I should have listened to him earlier without him losing faith in me again and thinking I have lost direction again. | I am changing to a different university very late and after making it clear to my father that I was happy at my current university. I am afraid that my father will think I have lost direction again and lose faith in me again. |
t3_23r4b2 | tifu | TMSFU by shitting, vomiting, and probably losing her job. | My sister just got off the phone with me and told me about her terrible night, and it is just destined to be here, so I will be telling this in her perspective.
I was hanging out with my friends when I started to not feel real good. We were just about to head out for some mexican food, when I said I wasnt feeling so good, but they convinced me to go anyway since I wasnt feeling too bad. Right after we get home I head straight for the toilet. I started shitting, but it felt like I really needed to puke, so I made myself puke a few times. I still felt like crap, so I decided to take a bath. It was not helping at all. It was making me feel worse. I just looked up at the ceiling, and thats when the unforced projectile vomit started. It was spraying everywhere. I get out of the bath butt naked and realize as I am vomiting, liquid shit is coming out of my ass. I am now vomiting and shitting all over the bathroom. I also have 5 roommates, and all of them just thought I was lightly puking while this was happening. This was probably a 4 hour spectacle in the bathroom.
I cleaned up everything in the bathroom and decide I should try to sleep it off. Bad idea. I slept for about an hour or so, but woke up again to vomit, and realized I shit the bed while sleeping. I can barely move now, and moving any part of my or coughing will probably induce the shit/vomit storm again. So now the smell of shit and vomit has spread through out the house for all my roommates and their guests to sense.
What makes it even worse, is that lately my boss has been telling me I havent been doing enough work, and that I am doing the bare minimum. Shes been getting kind of mad at me, and she told me tomorrow that she wants to have a private meeting about how I have been doing and progressed. It is 1 AM right now and I can already tell I still wont be well enough to go to work. I also know that if I call in and say I cant come in, I will most definitely be fired. | Didnt feel well, made myself vomit, created huge shit storm and projectile vomit, shit the bed, can't call sick or else I will get fired. |
t3_lbn4e | relationships | Have you ever tried to protect someone from you and hurt them instead? | I'm 31/M and she is 30. I've known her practically my entire life. We had kindergarten together and her mom was our third grade teacher. We even had high school classes together. Anyhow, we lost touch through our twenties and have only been back in touch since the first of the year. I think I could love her, and I know she loves me. In fact, she told me she loves me tonight. But, I don't think she understands what she is getting into. I'm certifiably crazy, I'm unstable, and I'm very very self destructive. I've tried to push her away and to tell her that I'll only drag her down, but she just counters by saying she is just as messed up as I am. But, while I know about what she percieves as messed up she doesn't even begin to comprehend (because I don't want her to know or see that part of me) exactly who and what I am. I care about her and don't want to drag her down so I've pushed her away. I know I'm hurting her, but I don't know how else to protect her from me. She says she wants in and that she can handle it, but I think I know better. So, reddit have you ever hurt someone while trying to protect them? Am I wrong? Someone please give me some insight... | I'm hurting the one person who I really care about, because I'm scared of the real hurt I could cause if I let them in. What do? |
t3_2q9bdw | relationships | I [24M] keep looking at my girlfriend's [23F] past Facebook posts when she was in another relationship and it's fucking me up. Why do I do this? | So I've been with my current SO for 9 months and it's been great for the most part. She's my first ever romantic relationship and I'm something like her 6th/7th and she came very close to marrying her ex (who she was with for 7 years) up until she realized he was dumb as a bag of hammers.
Every now and then I'll have this morbid curiosity, this urge to look up old facebook posts that mention her ex and how much they loved each other. I'll see how happy she used to be with another guy who I build up in my mind as being better than me. Why does my goddamn brain make me want to torture myself like this? Can anyone relate to this shit-head thought process? I know I'm just comparing myself to her ex because I'm insecure - part of that stemming from this being my first relationship and not feeling "man" enough and part of it coming from not being able to yet reach that level of intimacy that they must've shared as they were together for so long and almost married each other. I guess it's just jealousy that he got to have so much of her for so long, and some anger that she couldn't see that he was a fuckup sooner in the relationship.
But then my logical brain activates and says: c'mon, man, she left him for a reason: because he was a loser. And she's with me because she loves me more than him. That's the fucking clear-cut truth of the matter. But for some reason my shitty brain wants to fuck everything up and look at her past when she was with someone else and it just fucks everything up. Goddammit. I have absolutely no reason to think she still has feelings for him at all. Why do I torture myself like this?
I realize I sound like a whiny teenager, but can anyone relate? I know the cure is to remind myself that she's with me and not him for a reason, but it's so easy to get caught up in the past. Fuck. | My shit-head brain keeps digging up posts from her past relationship with her fiance even though I have no reason to doubt her commitment to me. |
t3_1duppo | relationship_advice | Is my friend (f 15) being abused by her boyfriend (m 15) of 10ish months or am I (f 15) being over protective? | I've noticed my best friend, has been acting differently lately. When she's around her boyfriend, she usually gets quiet and looks down. She's told me he gets jealous when she talks to anyone else, even me. However, she did kind of cheat on him (through text, not physically) so that could be why he's been getting jealous. I've asked her, and she says everything's fine. I haven't seen him hurt her or say anything to her, he's pretty polite to her, usually, but he's very self conscious and I've noticed since she's been with him she's been less confident and hasn't been eating a lot (her parents know this). I'm biased against him, though, because he and I don't get along. I also have very little experience in relationships at all, and don't know what to look for.
So, basically, | my friend's been acting weird, I don't know whether my prejudice against him is affecting my judgement. I have know idea how to go about this sensitive subject. |
t3_3xfpyw | relationships | What should I [F27] do to deal with my extended family during Christmas to avoid triggers to my eating disorder? | To get down the logistics, this Christmas might be my grandmother's last one. She been ill for a while now and most of us can see the end is near. I'm not particularly close to my family (or anyone really), but I like my grandmother and used to see her often as she only lives a few blocks away.
The problem is, this past year has been especially difficult for me personally. I've been struggling with bulimia and underwent a treatment program. In an attempt to avoid purging I ended up gaining A LOT of weight and I'm severely uncomfortable and haven't seen most of my family aside from my mother (who I live with) for several months. My family (three aunts from 50s to 60 and two uncles in the same range) is not supportive, very judgmental, and has only ever been kind or praising of me when I would lose weight (yo-yoing weight is a new problem for me, I used to just be overweight).
With the eating disorder and other psychological problems I've been having, I haven't progressed very much in the past year outwardly. I finished my undergrad then did nothing but go to therapy. I'm really worried that being around my family is going to send me spiraling back into severe bulimia because I know that they will gang up on me, make me feel like shit for getting fat, and even bigger shit for not having a job or a boyfriend. I've been slipping into "behaviors" trying to find a way to look better before Christmas and I just don't want everything to get worse or end up in ER again.
I know a lot of people will say "just don't show up" but that's not really an option and I'm not positive they won't call and interrogate me for not showing up (using my grandmother's failing health as a reason to shame me) or just come to me house because as I said, I live very close.
This probably seems like an easy issue to most people, but I'm not sure how to best handle the situation to avoid causing waves or undue stress. | My family are all really judgmental and shaming of my current life position and I don't know how to best balance spending Christmas with them while also keeping my psychological health managed. |
t3_4q7z0z | relationships | Me [29 M] with my co-worker [28 F] of one year who recently rejected my romantic advances, we're still friends but I need to set up better boundaries for myself. I know what I should do, but I keep slipping. Help | Known my co-worker for about a year. Got really close, thought she was interested, made a move and was told she wasn't interested. Right now we're working out the kinks of our friendship--whatever friendship that may be. I suggested that we keep some distance, but lately it seems like she's making it her own idea because I'm still being super friendly and acting like things were before.
It's probably not helping that she knows I still enjoy her company, which is my bad. Usually it's easier for me to go no contact because I just stop seeing them, but as we work together, we've been pretty good about maintaining a functional work relationship.
Yes, I know, don't shit where you eat. In my case, I've let out a shart. Anyway, today a mutual co-worker let it slip that my co-worker/crush (let's call her Amy) met someone over the weekend.
Amy pulled me aside later and asked me if it was weird hearing that. I appreciated her sensitivity to our situation. I don't know if it was denial or if I'm just not as sad as I think I am, but I told her it was okay for her to mention it. I told her she's single and she has a right to date whoever she wants. She went on to tell me a little bit about the guy. I wasn't ecstatic for her, but I was fine hearing it.
At this point though, if I need to backtrack, how should I go about setting up some boundaries so I don't get really hurt later on? I probably won't be happy being her emotional doormat, although I do really care about her and hope that we can pick things up again at a later time.
What can I say or do without coming off as if I were lying? | Need help establishing boundaries that I've pretty much eschewed...I hope it's not too late. How do I go about this? |
t3_3h7agp | relationships | My husband [29M] admitted to cheating on me [23F] with a coworker | I am completely blindsided by this, we've barely been married a year and I thought things were going great.
He came to me and told me, I had no idea, and he swears it was a one time thing. (This was confirmed by the coworker [20ish F], I reached out to her privately.) I feel the trust is completely shattered between us.
We had an "open" relationship deal set in place because he has some tastes [M] that I can't really fulfill, but with the limitation that he tell me beforehand. I came home a few months ago to a surprise in my bed, we had it out, and he promised it wouldn't happen again. (There was some disagreement about our original agreement-- I may have been incorrect in the "telling before", no one could really remember, including me.) This agreement NEVER included women.
Anyway-- he seems remorseful, but keeps blaming my busy schedule, saying he needs more sex than I give. I work 60-70 hours a week so that he can finish his degree. (He is currently working 30 hours a week as an intern.) I don't know how to get through to him that I feel like our life is completely normal. We have sex about once a week, which is when our schedules match up. He doesn't understand I have no desire to work around the clock, and I literally do it for him. | Husband came to me and blindsided me with a one-time affair; blames it on my busy work schedule. |
t3_3tjrxm | relationships | Me [25 M] wouldn't let stranger [20s M] into my apartment building at 4am. Can't let it go. | I live in NYC, in an apartment building on the first floor.
I was asleep in bed tonight when our door buzzer went off at 4am, waking me up. None of my other three room mates woke since they are heavy sleepers. I thought nothing of it and went back to sleep.
Twice more the buzzer rang, longer this time. In a groggy state I got up and went to the front door. I tried to see the guy buzzing through the peephole, but couldn't make him out.
Then, like the idiot who dies first in a horror film, I left my apartment to go talk to this guy behind the apartment door. He was in his twenties and looked drunk at best.
I asked him if he lived in the building and he said "yeah, let me in." I asked what apartment, and he said 23. When I asked him why they weren't letting him in, he said he didn't know. I asked him why he was calling my apartment, and he didn't answer. I asked him to please stop ringing our apartment and turned to leave. He asked through the glass if i was going to let him in. I told him "no, just call the people in apartment 23," and went back to bed.
Now i can't stop thinking maybe this guy was just a drunk guy who lives in the building, and that I was an absolute inhumane asshole to appear, walk all the way to the door, and then go "nope!" That, or I got a look at a crazy theif/killer/rapist who now knows exactly which apartment I live in.
Would love to hear your take on this, reddit! | Guy kept buzzing my apartment at 4am, and I went outside to tell him I wasn't going to let him inside the building. Am I the asshole or is he? |
t3_gnmpq | relationships | My girlfriend's new guy friend | 25 yo male, in a relationship with a girl (22) for just over a year. A few months ago she went out with some friends, them met some guys and were hanging out, no big deal. A few days later she went and spent hung out with one of the guys by herself. This weirded me out a bit, but I wanted to be an evolved male and not freak out about nothing.
A week or two later the guy propositioned her to have a threeway with him and another girl. She said no and told me about it, cut off contact with him, but while talking about it I explained how I was uncomfortable with the situation, and she seemed to think that was sweet or something.
Fast forward a few more weeks, we were out together and met some friends of her friend, a pretty chill guy and his friend. After the bar closed we went over to his place and we just talking. At one point my girlfriend and one of the guys start talking about their mutual friend regarding something rather sensitive. The guy asked very nicely if I could give them a minute. Nice dude I am, I oblige. Later my girlfriend told me that he started rambling about the weird energy between us and kissed her. She was shocked and told him "that's my boyfriend RIGHT over there" and whatnot. He eventually stopped and called the next day to apologize.
She still texts him a lot, something that makes me very uncomfortable, and I have made her aware. My thinking is, I don't "blame" her for the first guy, he was just creeping out of nowhere. But this new guy, he not only has ALREADY been a creep, but he lied to get me to leave so he could try to make a move. Yeah he apologized, but who wouldn't apologize to try to save face/get another shot later in a situation like that? Am I wrong? | Girlfriend chatting with a guy who tried to make a move on her, am I wrong to not be cool with that? |
t3_36uw4l | tifu | TIFU by being nosey [NSFW?] | This happened few days ago.
So my mom works abroad and I live with her husband, my stepfather. He has a tendency to leave his phone to charge in the bathroom. I figured it was because he gets up early and doesn't want to forget it. I was wrong.
It was two o'clock in the morning and I went to take a quick shower before bed. After I dried up I figured I'd see what he has on his phone. I know it's wrong but I'm a nosey bastard that likes to know everything and my morbid curiosity always gets the best of me. So I unlocked it and the gallery was opened. A gallery full of my mom's naked pictures, close-ups and all. So there I am, standing there naked, looking at my mom's pictures and contemplating the ways in which I could end my life because she gets home in four days and I'm supposed to look her in the eyes and pretend I didn't see what I saw. But what has been seen cannot be unseen. | Was too nosey, unlocked my stepfather's phone, saw my mom's naked pictures, still hoping I'll die in my sleep. Morbid curiosity is not a good thing. |
t3_oc8x7 | AskReddit | Calling all ReddI.T.ers, please help me become an I.T. guru while bedridden.. | Due to health reasons (please don't ask as I'm still trying to get to grip on it all) I'm going to be literally bedridden for at least the next 6-12 months. I've had to defer uni (B. I.T.) and life for now, but I still want to learn. I know I don't want to go in to web design, gaming or heavy programming (maybe a little if it's needed). I like the idea of networking or system admin, but I'm not sure how to get that "hands-on" experience while stuck in bed. Can you recommend any books, sites, virtual or online courses (preferably free, or at least worth it) that I can learn from? I'm in Aus if it helps. | When I grow up, I want to be the "I.T. girl" managing a company's interwebz. |
t3_353tcw | relationships | I'm [21 F] going on a trip with my [23 M] and some friends are going with us. I don't know if I'm being rude or unreasonable. | So my boyfriend and I were going to go on a trip with some of his friends this weekend, but then his friends kinda flaked out on us. We were really excited about the trip so we decided to still go and we invited some other friends (his) to go with us.
We all get along pretty well and his friends like the idea of going... so then we started talking about how to get there and his friend said that one car should be enough even though me and my boyfriend usually prefer a car to ourselves. It makes sense to only take one car though because well all fit, although we're going to be pretty crowded considering we're camping.
We've been discussing what hotels to stay at or if we should stay at one at all. Me and my boyfriend would rather stay at a hotel because we work all day friday and will be driving at night. His friend said we should just drive all night and arrive at our destination early in the morning. We really don't want to be tired all day and would rather stop and rest somewhere and then continue our trip early in the morning. Also the hotel prices really aren't bad.
The next problem is that, my boyfriend and I would rather have a hotel room to ourselves while his friend seems to prefer sharing a room. I don't know how to be assertive about this, but well I don't know his friends that well... so I really rather not spend the night with 3 guys. (boyfriend and two guys I've only met a number of times.)
All in all we're still pretty excited about this trip, but it seems like we're just having trouble agreeing on stuff. I'm just wondering if I'm being an unreasonable girlfriend or selfish in some way. | plans with friends fell through, made plans with other friends, now we're having trouble deciding on things and i'm not sure if its my fault. |
t3_48qdqi | relationships | [Non-Romantic] How can I [18M] become friends with my brother's [21M] friends? | My brother's friends are cool as shit and I want to become friends with them. I grew up with all these guys and they shot the shit with me when I was with my brother. They all have gone off to college and come back every year or so.
The problem is that they still kind of treat me like the little guy that they used to beat up on and mess around with. They give me a little more respect now that I am an adult, but I want them to see me as an equal. I'm into a lot of things they are, and I'd like them to see me like they see my brother. How can I gain their respect and become their friends so I can actually hang out with them? | I want to gain the respect of my brother's friends as an equal so I can hang out with them on my own and become friends with them. |
t3_4o94ll | relationships | My (20 F) boyfriend (20 M) rarely ever comments about my appearance or compliments me and never initiates taking photos together. Am I overreacting? | Well, this is my first relationship so I still yet have a lot to learn. We've known each other for over a year and dated for about 5 months now. Things have been great and he's been treating me well, however some things do cross my mind a lot and I'm not even sure they're worth talking about with him. I compliment him here and there, telling him he looks nice today, he looks handsome, has a nice body etc. But I've never heard him tell me I'm beautiful or pretty. Other men would tell me in look nice but he's never spoken to me in that way. Sometimes I try to impress him by wearing a nice dress or outfit once in a while, but he would never comment on it. I know he used to compliment his ex a lot and he would sometimes tell me some gal pals of his wore a nice dress that day. I am confident about my looks, but not hearing him say anything just hurts a little when I try to get his attention. Lastly, when we go out somewhere nice like the beach or on a trip, he doesn't ever take photos of us even though he talks a lot about how photos are nice for memories and such. He kept many photos of his ex until I recently told him to delete them because it just kept making me uncomfortable when we both come across them. He was completely okay with it, but I still don't understand much. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting, but I would like some input from anyone of if I should just leave it off. | bf never compliments me, has complimented other girls and ex, never takes photos of us even though he loves taking photos of memories and had many of his ex on his phone |
t3_1pxjgz | Pets | Vet prescribed 4 oral doses of Metacam for my cat, but I'm afraid to use it. | Yesterday my 2.5 year old male cat fell out of my 2 storey apartment window onto concrete. He fractured his pelvis (sacroiliac luxation on the right side) and has bruising to his chest. The vet gave him a dose of Tramadol (heavy duty pain meds which are supposed to be in effect for 3 days). He's been pretty derpy and out of it, not moving too much but purring lots. He's not having too much trouble moving around when he wants to, only "crouch walking" ever so slightly because of his pelvis. His appetite is good and he's actually eating more than normal, possibly because we're feeding him wet food and he usually only gets dry...
He's also been super constipated, which I understand is a likely side effect of the Tramadol.
The vet also prescribed oral Metacam every 24 hours for 4 days to help with pain and inflammation. I gave him his first dose tonight, and then looked up the medication. I know it's easy to find horror stories online, but now I'm quite concerned if I've done the right thing by giving him that one dose... I've read a lot of negative things and articles that basically say never ever give your cat NSAIDs.
I believe they did bloodwork on him prior to prescribing the meds, but I'm not sure. He has no history of kidney problems. I don't want him to be in pain, but since it's not chronic pain I'm not sure I want to continue the full four days with Metacam... it's only a short time, anyways, so will he really be in that much less pain four days from now than he is now? Is the Metacam really necessary? | Gave my cat one dose out of four of oral Metacam for acute pain. Will one dose hurt him? Should I give him the next ~~four~~ |
t3_ob81b | AskReddit | Hey Reddit, I need advice on a Bad Situation. | I guess ill just be blunt with it. Yesterday my little sister took a large amount of pills trying to intentionally hurt herself, my dad and i found her sitting on her couch, unresponsive like she was in a deep sleep. We couldn't wake her and we called an ambulance. Before my dad left with said ambulance and my sister, he told me to search her room for any clues about why or what she took. I didnt find much but all her friends were texting her phone like crazy, and i saw she had sent texts to her 2 closest friends and our mom saying how she couldn't go on. My mom then calls me and tells me something that my sister told only her. My Sister had been raped by one of the boys in her highschool at a party and she was blaming herself and couldnt take it. My Mom told me the name of this punk, and i knew him and had heard similar stories this kid had been involved in; pressuring girls insane amounts, taking advantage of drunk confused highschool girls, sleeping with them, even though they were his friends girlfriends. This Guy is scum but everyone at the highschool loves him, and doesnt think he's a bad guy at all. | My sister tried taking her life, because some punk raped her, and has hurt other girls before. I know exactly who it is. |
t3_v7fgs | dating_advice | I'm not sure if I'm being impatient or if I'm misreading everything. | So wall of text here (sorry, my story might be a little long)
19/M here. There is this girl (19/F right now) that I've known since high school that I've had a thing for starting around senior year. So we get really close and flirt constantly during school. She's was in the school's ROTC program and so I went with her to their ball, and then during prom we were inseparable.
We graduate and I go to college and she going the National Guard. around the end of the school year I start thinking about her again, and decide to write her a letter while she's in basic essentially telling her how I felt. I get a letter back saying how the feelings were shared. The school year ends and I get back home, when her step-mom invites me to a surprise party for her return home.
At the party her and I don't leave each others side while doing the whole holding hands thing. Latter that night I go with her and a friend to waffle house around midnight and hang out. She mentions how she's not wanting to date anyone for a while (I make a mental note about that). I text a couple of days latter and we decide to meet up for coffee (I don't know if it was a date or not) but we end up getting lunch and walk around town, again physical contact was there.
Last thursday, those last events happened in the same week, I host a party with a bunch of friends and she comes. It gets late and her and some of my friends go inside and watch a movie. During it she sits next to me under a blanket and lays her head on my shoulder while running her fingers on my arm and such.
What I don't know is does she like me and just wants to wait a while before getting into a relationship, or is this just me being "friendzoned" in the most cruel of ways? | Girl I like is really physical with flirting when it comes to me, but doesn't want to date anyone at the time. Am I being impatient or is there something else going on? |
t3_lebrw | AskReddit | Redditors of the UK, help! | This fall semester I began college in a different town, full of unknown people. My parents and I planned on moving in a couple of weeks, so, (being the the complete imbecile that I am), I thought it'd be hilarious if I pretended to be English while I was there, just for shits n giggles. The problem is, it turns out I won't be moving anytime soon, and I can't just tell my teachers and new friends "Whoops, I'm not really English, GOTCHA". I (hopefully) won't be here for next semester, but I do need to know a lot of things about England in order to be as convincing as possible. I do a pretty good accent, or at least good enough that no one has called me out on it yet. I need to know about slang, customs, a little history.....I don't know, anything! Help me please? (Yes, I know I'm an idiot) | I need to learn about English ways (i.e. slang, behavior, customs) just generally obvious things that you should know if you're from England. |
t3_2xjv3j | tifu | TIFU by telling a racist story to 7 year olds. | EDIT: PROOF. I FOUND IT.
This TIFU was when I was around 7 years old, in grade 2.
So it was my turn for show in tell at school and I remembered a story my mum had told me the other day. I decided to ask my mum to dictate it to me so I could type it up and read it to my class.
I can't exactly remember the actual wording of the story but it was something like this.
Note: My family had recently migrated from India to Australia and were Christians.
> "**Understanding Creation**
>
One day, God created all the people on earth by making gingerbread men. He first made a batch and went about creating other things and left them for too long. These gingerbread men got burnt and these were the black people on Earth. Next God decided to make sure he didn't burn this batch so he came back and got them too early this time. These gingerbread men were underdone and these were the white people on Earth. He decided to try one more time. Finally, after understanding the right timing and temperature of the oven, God this batch out just on time. The gingerbread men were perfectly golden brown. He called these people Indians (it was something like this). That is how people were created different colours."
So I printed the story out, drew a picture of a brown gingerbread man and read it out to my all white, including the teacher, class. I don't remember the reactions of anyone but I'm sure my teacher would have been staring at me. I only realised how racist I must have looked telling that story until I had already moved schools five years later. | Read a racist allegory about gingerbread men and the creation of different coloured people to my class of 7 year olds. |
t3_u80ca | relationships | Is my long-term relationship doomed if talking about sex is really awkward/difficult/unhelpful? | I have tried so hard to communicate with this guy. I am (f) 22, he is 25, we've been together for over 3 years now and not once have we had a FUN conversation about sex (unless we're actually *having* sex and it's dirty talk or whatever). He usually looks very uncomfortable or sad whenever I try to bring it up (which is rarely because they are not fun conversations), and usually the conversations do not yield great results.
I feel like what I'm asking for is pretty reasonable. What I want is basically more attention and enthusiasm in bed. More foreplay. More... presence. I have tried to communicate my preferences and hopes to him in both direct and subtle ways and while I do think there has been some improvement in our good sex, there is also a hell of a lot of mediocre sex. Should I just try NOT to have sex with him, unless it's clear that we are both feeling enthusiastic about it? (That sounds like a drag, but maybe it's better than consenting and then being disappointed that it was lame sex.)
I'm not even sure what kind of help or answers I am looking for... I have no idea what to do, or if it's even worth it to try anymore. I'd be happy to give more details if that is helpful. Is it possible to have a good relationship if talking about sex is sort of off limits? Suggestions, please? | Boyfriend doesn't like talking about sex and I don't know how to improve our sex life since both talking about it and not talking about it seem to fail. Doomed? |
t3_1adifz | self | I don't know where to go. | I am effectively homeless right now. I have a job that I started this week and I won't be paid until the end of this month. I came up here, to Severn, Maryland, to stay with My Dad until I could get back on My feet and afford My own place. I'm currently writing this post on My cell phone in My car because much stepmom left without letting me back in the house. She wants me out of her house for good by the end of next week but I can't afford the rent on the apartment My dad is giving me yet. I don't even have gas money at this point. I've put some things on Craigslist to sell but no one has contacted me yet. I'm losing everything soon. The use of My car, My cell service, and a place to live. I'm pretty much desperate. I know identified know you and you've never seen a post from me but If anyone knows someone who needs a roommate or something in My area (of course I'll pay what I can when I can) could you let me know? I'm also looking for shelters on My own. | I'm a broke college girl being put out by the parent she went to for help and I need a place to stay for a while. |
t3_17r2w6 | BreakUps | Needed to rant & a small win! | Hey everyone,
Ive posted in here before and you guys are like the best on giving advice so here goes!
So yet again im still not over my Ex. Im not sure if she's over me either but i just dont know. My school (which we both go too) just went back after 8 weeks of holidays in that time we saw eachother about twice but only briefly.
So when school went back I spotted her out of everyone (over 1200 students) and I was overcome with butterflies in my stomach and sorta hoped she would see me and run to give me a hug but it didnt happen. So after the first day of awkward eye contact and all that stuff i went home and just thought about everything, and got to a pretty bad state i guess.
So the next day i saw her, we waved i went to class so did she, we left our classes and saw eachother in the yard, we had a small talk and we headed off to our different classes, but i couldnt resist giving her a hug so i pulled her back and hugged her and it was just good to feel her in my arms for the long embrace that we shared.
So anyway after the week ended, as usual she was in my head all day and I just want her back so bad, but Im unsure if it will ever happen ever again. :(
Onto my small win!
Since schools been back ive gone to the gym everyday after school and hitting the gym hard, and im already seeing improvements. My goal at the gym is to bulk up and get toned, and i cant wait until Im where i want to be with my body :) | Can't get my ex out of my head, want her back so badly and forever. Small win : Hitting the gym alot and proud of myself :) |
t3_2j5b9c | relationships | Me [25F] and my FWB [27M]. How do interfaith relationships work? | Towards the end of a second date with a guy I met online, religion came up. I'm Christian and he's an atheist. We mutually faded on each other because we could see the massive road blocks looming in the future.
Then a couple months later I heard from out of the blue, asking to hang out. I agreed because even though I knew dating wasn't a good idea, I still liked being around him. It was fun, albeit a little awkward.
A little while later, I reciprocated by inviting him to come over to a game night that a friend of mine was hosting. I had a few drinks and got pretty flirtatious and we ended up hooking up.
Now we've been texting back and forth sporadically, and this past weekend he invited me over to his place for dinner and a movie (and sex). I think this might turn into an ongoing thing. I don't know how I feel about that exactly, but I'm willing to just go with it for now because I'm having fun.
I really like this guy. Quite a lot more than a lot of the other guys I've been on dates with. I feel like I can be myself around him 100%. From comments he's made, I'm guessing he feels similarly.
The only thing stopping me from dating him more seriously is that I have no idea how it would work out because of our religious differences. I'm hoping someone out there has experience with this and can explain to me how they make it work. I'm afraid of jumping in because we get along so well, falling for him, and then being incredibly hurt if my fears about being too different turn out to be true. | I'm afraid of pursuing a serious relationship with a great guy because of our religious differences. Can anyone tell me what their experiences are in this scenario? |
t3_r5icq | dating_advice | Difference between friends and dating. | So I'm curious, there is a girl that I'd like to hang out with. We have talked a bit, and she invited me to a party but I declined the invitation, but would like to hang out with her. She is very attractive, and seems like the kind of person I'd like to date. What should I do here? With so much talk about being in the friend zone, it makes me feel so pressured to not get stuck there that I can't simply make friends with women because I'm over analyzing what I should do so I don't seem too interested without seeming uninterested. Some people say, "If you're attracted to her ask her out to coffee or something simple. If you ask her to do something that only friends would do, she will forever only see you as a friend." Others say, "You should build a solid friendship before expressing any interest in taking it to the next step." I know everyone has a different opinion. Personally I feel you shouldn't ignore the elephants in the room. It seems logical to want to take it slow and build friendship with someone before getting too serious, at the same time it seems illogical to ignore your attraction to that person. Plus, I don't know how true the whole friend zone thing is. If I don't ask this girl out on a date, will she forever label me as only a friend? I'd rather just hang out a few times with no pressure of it being a date.
On a side note, I'm one of those guys that finds it hard to not feel attracted to women who I am also becoming friends with, although I'm very aware when my attraction becomes no longer conducive to a friendship. In another thread someone suggested that healthy male-female friendships usually have an element of romance and flirtation. I've always taken that flirtation seriously, and either made a move or moved away. How is a guy supposed to know the difference if communication destroys said flirting, and therefore the healthy friendship. In my experience, bringing up that a girl is flirting with you but not really interested causes a lot of drama. It would really be nice to just have a few female friends without the sexual tension. Is it supposed to be this confusing, or am I just confused? | Guy is attracted to girl whom he has known for a little while, but never hung out with. Should guy ask girl out, or try to be her friend before even thinking about anything like dating? Wat about friend zone? |
t3_40351g | relationships | Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [23 M] of 4 months, used to always like photos of other girls and sometimes leaves fawning comments on them. Recently found out he had screenshots of different girls on his phone. | I'm a bit on edge so i thought I'd write a quick post.
It's my first time dating so I need some advice. My boyfriend often leaves comments on pictures of girls like "you look like a model", or "wow so beautiful", and whatnot. I confronted him about this already and he mentioned that I get jealous easily. Thankfully this behaviour has decreased after I have talked to him about it. I'm worried that I'm very replaceable and that if he wasn't with me he would easily try to pick up other girls. I often see him in chat with other girls, liking their pictures, commenting etc, it makes me feel uneasy.
When i found the screenshots he told me he was sorry (what?) and that it wasn't what I thought, me finding these pictures led to a very awkward movie date. Online after we got home he apologized profusely and complimented me that night and then we sort of pretended like it didn't happen the next day.
I appreciate him in all other ways, he's a great friend and s.o. and obviously don't want to let him go. I don't want this to sound so one-sided. It's not that he's been unfaithful I just don't like the fact that he has and is fawning over girls. The screenshot affair is still very much up in the air. And I hope to clear things up with him tonight. | My boyfriend has a history of fawning over other girls. I recently found screenshots of other girls on his phone. I don't know how to go about talking to him about this over dinner. I see him in 3 hours. |
t3_37h2of | relationships | So my ex texted me yesterday... It sucked. | BACKGROUND: First girlfriend [19F]. I [20M] finally had someone to call my own. We had lots of fun together but after exactly one month she texted me saying how we couldn't be in a relationship anymore because I was moving to a different city for the summer (We attend the same university). I thought I took it well. Always hated the fact she f@cking texted me. I was dumb enough to tell her she was my first gf and I wasn't sure what to do next but wanted to stay "friends".
Anywho, fast forward one month after the text and she gets a new boyfriend. I get depressed because she moved on so quickly, and get mad at myself for not being able to do the same.
PRESENT: It had been EXACTLY one month since I saw her (said goodbye before moving away from her because I'm a good "friend"). And until this time I was feeling good. I was in my hometown, away from anything that reminded me of her, and cut her off from social media (except FB). Turns out she was visiting my city last weekend and she texted me apologizing that she didn't have time to see me. Really I would not have wanted to see her anyway because I knew she was with her bf and it freaking kills me to see them together.
I thought my pathetic feelings for her were gone but I was amazed that one little text could mess up my whole day. Have you played the Sims (video game)? Do you know how you can pick the "hopeless romantic" personality trait? That's me. I'm so freaking sensitive and I wish I could get the Men in Black to erase my memory of her. I've read about how to move on various websites but could use some advice from real people.
Should I continue to be friendly towards her?
Should I cut her off completely and never say a word?
Cheers Reddit,
A North Van Man | Ex [19F] texted me which caused me [20M] to re-live old feelings for her. Should I cut her off completely? Or continue being friendly towards her? |
t3_2901le | relationship_advice | [23/f] My bf (25/m) says he wants to get married... | Okay, to start, we have known each other for almost 10 years (best friends) been in a relationship for about 5 years, been living together for 4 1/2. We have completely compatible personalities, and rarely fight. We have talked about kids, marriage, where we are going to live, the whole nine yards. But whenever I bring up getting engaged, he tells me that we don't have enough money to get married yet, and he wants to wait until we do. Now, the thing is, in my eyes we have been together for so long and been through so much already, I don't see a problem with becoming engaged sooner rather than later, and then get married at some point down the road. Many people have 2-5 year engagements. I just want the whole world to know that this is the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. | BF and I have been together long time. Talked about marriage. He doesn't want to get engaged until we have money for a wedding. |
t3_2z07ti | relationships | I [20M] jumped the gun and asked a girl [20F] to a coffee date too soon, how do I rectify this? | Her and I have only talked about five times while walking to classes. Friday, March 13 we had a conversation on the way to class that I felt was going really well. I impulsively asked if she would like to go to for coffee after class on Tuesday, March 17 (I chose this day because we have exams on Monday and Tuesday). She replied by asking if she could get back to me because she might have work that day.
Immediately after asking her to a coffee date, a sense of regret overtook me. We have only engaged in small talk regarding classes or work and I do not know anything personal about her. My intention was to get to know her better through the coffee date. Though I could be wrong, I now feel that I should have gotten to know her better before asking her out on a coffee date. Are girls creeped out by being asked to a one-on-one before really knowing a guy?
I would really like to get to know this girl and potentially start a relationship. I am hoping this false start does not ruin my chances. In the event that she does not get back to me, what should I do in order to rectify this situation? | I asked a girl out too early and am wondering what should be done so that I still have a chance with her. |
t3_4xssmv | relationships | I'm [19f] hesitating to break up with my boyfriend [25m] because I crave having sex with him, and only him. | We've been dating 1 year.
He's not abusive or anything I'm just realizing I don't like him as a person. He's kind of slowly blossomed into a dick. Examples include calling (usually innocent drivers, pedestrians, people in the service industry) people the r-word behind their backs and using gay as a perjorative. He can verbally bully people for not agreeing with him. He's also really critical of others while being emotionally fragile himself. He's turned being contrary into a sport and likes to use boring, repetitive sexist and racist comments to "shock", he claims to do this to amuse himself.
He seems to think being Asian means it's okay to mock other ethnicities (especially black people). I'll admit he's seen me laugh at problematic stuff on the Daily Show, Dave Chapelle, or Southpark or whatever. That doesn't mean I think the n-word is, in and of itself, funny.
I'm over it.
The thing is I can't imagine having sex with someone else.
My boyfriend has started making comments about we're mostly spending time together to have sex. I feel really guilty when he jokes about this. I know it's because I'm avoiding spending time with him in situations where he annoys me especially (i.e. if he's doing something like driving where he gets frustrated easily or in a setting to drink or show off) and I'm having as much sex as I can with him while feeling like the end is inevitable.
No one else has made me feel this good. He's very attentive. I know this isn't right to keep having sex with him even though I want to breakup but he's never been broken up with before and I'm scared he's going to get mad at me.
I'm also freaking out because I can't stand the thought of getting naked with a stranger. I don't get turned on thinking about having sex with anyone else. Maybe I'm meant to wait for him? I just feel like he's already so much older than me, maybe it won't happen. | I don't want to have sex with anyone but my rude, annoying boyfriend. Should I wait for him to grow up? |
t3_dhjh4 | relationships | Is this a warning sign that my boyfriend will cheat on me or leave me? | My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months and have known each other for a few years. I am older now and have been through a few relationships that have taught me a lot about maturity and growing up, so I think of myself as a rational, reasonable person who wants to do her best. My goal is to make this relationship last, I love him a lot and I believe we are a great match together. Everything about us is good, our sex life, and so on (even though lately I feel like I have been initiating more). I'm not unattractive, men hit on me but I blow them off out of loyalty. I provide him with love, support, cooking, cleaning, everything I believe somebody would ask for in a relationship.
However, I noticed he added a gorgeous girl on his friends list. I didn't think much of it, not wanting to act out of "jealousy." I know that men can be friends with other women, no big deal. The problem is that I saw him talking to her on iChat and when I looked over he hid the windows. He talked to her for hours (I could hear the IM noises) but he tried to distract me by pretending to be looking at other things. I didn't say anything.
Immediately I became upset but I don't want to make a big deal out of things so I hid my feelings as best I could even though my emotions feel all over the place in reality. I would hate to look like the really jealous girlfriend that creates a mountain out of a molehill, but at the same time I wonder why he tries to hide things from me if it's innocent. This is not the first time I have "caught" him doing something like this; there was another girl before that he would talk to, who would leave him flirty messages but she has been out of the picture for awhile. I never said anything about her, either. | Caught boyfriend talking with a pretty girl for hours and he seemed to act guilty about it. I don't want to act out of jealousy, but I also need to confront my emotions. What to do? |
t3_1s1yth | relationships | I'm [19 F] in a relationship with someone I do love [20 M] but I'm attracted to someone else. | At the very beginning of my freshman year, I had a crush on a guy I thought was perfect for me. He's cute, funny, and we had so much in common. We never became close, but I definitely had a typical girly crush on him, even though he probably just saw me as another face in the crowd. We said hi when we passed each other, but never talked on a regular basis.
Fast forward to the end of my first year. I meet a new guy that I INSTANTLY click with. We're currently in a relationship, and I'm positive that I see myself with him for a long time. We've been dating for almost a year and I really do love him.
Now rewind to the beginning of the second semester of my first year. I join a club as exec- and hey, the first guy I mention is also in the club. We work closely together, and now we actually talk and are good friends.
The closer we get, the harder and faster those old feelings are coming back. He was everything I thought he would be. He makes me laugh and I get really excited whenever I get to spend time with him. I think I'm starting to develop feelings for him again, but at the same time, I love my boyfriend, and he definitely is special.
Even if I break up with my boyfriend (which I don't want to do), I don't think I would ever be able to go for the first guy because of a complicated situation. But I feel horrible that I think about the first guy so much while in a happy, healthy relationship... I even have dreams that we're together sometimes. I wake up happy but at the same time sick to the stomach that I'm even thinking about it.
Is this normal? To be so attracted to someone while deeply in love with another person? Am I just a horrible person? I don't want to end things with my current boyfriend because we have something really great going. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life thinking the first guy was "the one that got away". | Met a guy I thought was perfect for me. He disappeared out of the picture. Met another guy I'm currently in a relationship with. Guy #1 appeared again and now I think I'm developing feelings. |
t3_15bs27 | Advice | So, I think I fucked up. | So my coworker and I have always been somewhat flirty, but never really acted upon it because she has a boyfriend. Monday night was our company Christmas party, and after a long night at the open bar she came over afterwards and we discussed these flirty feelings. As it turns out, she has feelings for me and I for her, though she still has a boyfriend so it doesn't really matter. We ended up hanging out 5 out of 6 days that week after work, not including the times we saw each other at work. Fast forward to last night, we went out to a bar with a few of my friends, and one thing led to another and we ended up kissing a few times. She eventually realized what she had done and cried, and now I'm in an awkward fuck uppy limbo and I really don't know what I'm supposed to do. If anyone could provide any type of advice on how I'm supposed to handle this situation that would be great. | I made out with my coworker who has a bf a few times, my kisses made her cry. What do I do. |
t3_my0or | AskReddit | Did I "sell out" reddit? | Yesterday after reading the story about [Lucas] and the amazing work all of you have done raising money for him, I posted the [loveforlucas] site on my facebook account with a note that said that this was a wonderful story that I saw on reddit and asked people to consider donating. My brother says I sold out reddit, and I don't understand what I did wrong.
Did I break some kind of rule? I read through the reddiquette and there is nothing in there about this. Is there some kind of unwritten rule that I am supposed to keep my use of this site a secret? is this a secret club? My opinion in this is that the point of the post is to help the family and that means getting the word out to as many people as possible, and it's nice to credit reddit with doing something awesome.
Can you guys tell me if I sold you out and why? | I posted the Lucas story on facebook and mentioned it was from reddit. My brother says I sold reddit out. Did I? |
t3_1gk9ev | legaladvice | Roommate owes me utilities. Do I have a shot at small claims case? | State: Iowa
Trying to be succinct. Let me know if more info is needed.
My roommate and I had an oral agreement at the beginning of the year. Utilities were in my name, and she was going to cut me a check for half of the total utilities at the end of the year since my bank did not have a branch in Iowa. Nothing in writing (I know this is all very stupid and I was naive for trusting her).
We moved out May 31, and she has yet to cut me a check. The reason is, she is upset with me (read: very rude to me) that I did not clean the apartment as well as she liked. I cleaned my room/bathroom, leaving the kitchen. She claims she did 5 hours of cleaning. I offered debt forgiveness and took 100$ off of the $600 she owes for her trouble. Now she is saying she won't pay me unless she gets her full deposit back from the landlord (he has yet to send it).
**I have evidence of the following:**
* me texting her saying she owes me 496$ and her responding saying she has not paid me back because she is waiting for her deposit (is this an acknowledgement of debt?)
* records that we lived together (name on lease)
* utility bills
* several texts of me asking her for the money and her responding in the affirmative
* a text from my roommate saying she did 5 hours of cleaning
* a witness who was in the apartment when I moved out who saw that the apartment was not visibly in disarray, super gross, or damaged when I left. | Roommate owes me 496$. Won't pay me unless she gets full deposit back. Is this a winnable case? |
t3_3si044 | relationships | Me [29 M] broke it off with my former best friend [29 M] of 7 years, haven't spoken for 2 years and I can't get over it. | I made a best friend in college, which I'd never had before and we were really tight, talking or texting no less than once a day even after school on opposite coasts and different work schedules. I started a relationship, and things got bad - I leaked some details to my GF about an ex of mine who my former best friend considers a sister that led my GF to believe I still had a thing for the ex or regarded her in a special way (I don't and didn't). Eventually, the fallout from that friction between me, BF, ex, and GF led to me explicitly cutting my friend out of my life, and we haven't talked for nearly 2 years - I emailed him a couple times and he didn't respond at all.
I miss him every time I think of him, I've considered breaking up with my GF and contacting him to see if he'd be interested in resuming contact, and I haven't been able to find someone to fill this hole that I created. I have no delusions here: this choice of her over him was fundamentally up to me, though it would have been tough to choose BF over GF since she and I lived together then and were pretty broke. At this point, the health of my relationship is secondary to my health as a person, and I can't separate my lackluster feelings about her from my general malaise about having no close friends anymore. I have to get over this somehow - what questions should I ask myself to decide what my right course of action is (some combination of: dump GF, hang out with dudes to find new good friends, force ex-best friend to respond and get his feelings about this to see if it's worth rekindling, accept the loss and move on)? Thanks for your anecdotes/advice! | I can't get over my awful decision of cutting best friend out of my life, and need questions I should ask myself to decide what to do from here. |
t3_1n2rec | relationship_advice | [20f] Boyfriend [20m] wants a relationship but not really intimate. I'd rather it be casual, but he won't have it. | Started dating this guy awhile ago. It started off just as a hookup, but he decided to "keep me around". He was in the area for the summer (goes to a university about a couple of hours away). Second week into it he started assuming we were exclusive. I hadn't been exclusive in awhile, but I agreed to it since it seemed to mean a lot to him and I liked him. Then he starts throwing around the word "girlfriend" without having actually asked me out. Now, this guy kept joking that he's going to break up with me once school starts. It doesn't really bother me at first, but as we spent more time together, it really starts to hit a sore spot. I tell him I'd rather have a casual thing, but he's not up for that, saying he's too insecure. He finally actually asked me to be his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago and now he's back at school. He's pretty distant and doesn't seem to be into the whole boyfriend routine. I'm lucky to hear from him during the weekday (mostly see him weekends) and it's hard to have meaningful conversations with him. Honestly, I'd much rather just be fwb, but ever time I try to broach the subject, he gets upset and shuts down. I've stopped trying, but I just don't feel that this is satisfying as a relationship. I don't want to lose him, because he's fun to hang out with and the sex is pretty good, but I'm worried he won't want to see me anymore if I break up with him. Plus, if/when I do, I'm not sure how to go about it. | He wants a relationship, I want it casual since he's not really boyfriend material, and I'm probably not girlfriend material. |
t3_2fxrkh | offmychest | FUCKING Budget Rental Car can go fuck themselves | Last month I took my mom on a sweet 5 day trip to Yellowstone. Using my debit card points I was able to get a convertible for the trip for just $97!!
When we arrived in Jackson Hole they tried to charge me hundreds more, which I was not about to have- and I successfully rented the car for the proper ensured amount.
I then, at 5:45 a.m. on August 18 returned the car, got on a 7 a.m. flight and returned to Florida.
I was back in my office on the 19.
THEN Labor Day weekend rolls around and all the sudden $900 just disappears from my bank account with no warning. I call budget and they inform me that this is because I returned the car with no gas on Aug. 22. STRANGE since I wasn't in WY any more.
I explain this to Budget who then informs me that no refund will be issued unless United Airlines writes a letter confirming that I was on this plane.
Which is fantastic, since United Airlines customer service tells me that they do no such thing.
I then spend another hour on the phone with Budget who kindly give me an email address to submit my itenirary and TIME AND DATE STAMPED IPHONE PHOTOS of the car, in the lot, on the correct day at 5:45 a.m. She let's me know how terribly sorry that this ever happened and how I will have said money back within four days.
NOW a week later, I call to see why there is still no money being refunded, only to be told that the previous person recorded that I still had not submitted the proper documents and the case was pending, waiting for my action. Keep in min that while on the phone, last week's agent verbally confirmed that my documents and photos were received.
FUCK YOU BUDGET. | Budget Rental Car is using BOGUS claims to take almost $1000 out of my bank account with out so much as a warning and now won't refund my money even though I have clear proof the charges are erroneous. |
t3_2usetr | relationships | Family decided to to lie to my grandfather [late 90s/m] about my college major and, as lies often do, it's backfiring. | My grandparents gifted me (and several other people in my family) a college fund when I was under a year old, the money was supposed to go to education of some kind, whether it's private high school or college or welding school or even a summer camp.
I decided to do a dual major in entrepreneurship and game design. My family thought it would be a great idea to tell my grandfather (who was already stressed out about everyone else in the family going to art school and likely wouldn't find work) that I was doing some kind of high end engineering thing because "he probably doesn't understand the difference between game design and engineering computers".
I asked them why the lying was necessary and they told me he was an old man and it would make him happy and not so stressed out all the time. From what I understand they fabricated stories about my major, my professors, people I knew, etc. For the record, they were right in that he had no idea what the difference between these fields were, but my family got so caught up in it toward the end that they let him know what the difference was and why mine was "so much more prestigious".
Essentially it backfired and now that I have a job in my actual field and not the field my family told him I majored in, he thinks I'm a lazy shit and I've wasted my potential and his money. He doesn't have a lot going on in his life and apparently he talks about this every day for hours. I have no idea what my family thought would happen when they started this, or how this idea could possibly end well.
Obviously there's nothing to be gained from telling a 98 year old man that his family lied to him. They've asked me to consider "possibly getting a temporary engineering job, just until he passes on" and of course that's impossible with a BA in Entrepreneurship, not that I'd want to anyway.
What should I tell them/him, if anything? | Family (essentially mom and two aunts) told my grandfather I was majoring in something I wasn't, now he's upset that I have a job in my actual field and not the one they told him I did. |
t3_3d332x | relationship_advice | How do I [23m] go about removing my girlfriends [23f] from our documents? | Our relationship is coming to an end, and I don't know how to go about having her name removed from things like our lease on our apartment.
Currently, both our names are on the lease, and the power bill is in her name. It is also on my car insurance, which is done through Allstate.
Her car is in my name, and her name is on my phone account, although I am fairly certain I know how to go about removing it from those.
We have been together for nearly four years, which is why everything is sort of combined, and just recently moved into an apartment together. We had lived together before that, but having our own place creates far to much stress and our relationship cannot take the strain. | Girlfriends name is on our lease, phone account, car insurance, and the power bill is in her name. How do I remedy this? |
t3_16oq5i | relationships | My boyfriend (33M) has no sex drive due to low self esteem. What can I (30F) do to help? | I really need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been living together for about 9 months now. He was laid off in the first week of October. Since then I think we've had sex once. I've brought it up a few times and he just said he doesn't feel confident and mostly gets quiet and seems sad. Then in turn I felt bad so I have mostly stopped saying anything because it hurts to be turned down. Otherwise, he is very affectionate. We kiss, hug, hold hands etc. all the time. I'm struggling with if I should just be happy with that and find a way to swallow my ginormous sex drive somehow or if there is just no hope.
As a background, before we moved in together I thought we had a pretty good sex life and he seemed very attracted to me. Since we moved in together it slowed way down and now there is nothing. He says that since he makes less money than me and now none, he feels very stressed and it has killed his libido. I guess since this issue didn't matter much before we moved in together I didn't realize he would feel this badly. I try to be as supportive as possible. I have never intentionally made him feel bad. I don't care about how much money he makes. But it's starting to be that I feel bad that I'm doing well and that's not very fair. I don't know what to do to fix things or if I can.
Sorry if this is rambling! Just looking for anyone who has been in a similar situation and if it got better or if there is just no hope here. | boyfriend and I have zero sex life due to his self esteem issues and I'm feeling resentful and sad. can this be fixed? |
t3_1evp54 | relationships | Her (20f) boyfriend practically threatened to hurt himself if she broke up with him. What should I do (20m)? | I met a girl a year ago who is now practically my best friend. We find each other attractive and have discussed that we would likely be dating if we lived closer and she wasn't with her current boyfriend.
Now I have the option to move near by her school, but there is a problem. He has a rough history any is currently mega depressed about the monotony of his life. He stated that she was the only positive thing he has going for him and that he hates everything else, but isn't motivated to change anything. She doesn't want to be the one to dump him because he basically said that he will probably go back to cutting himself until he finds someone else like he has before.
Additionally, she isn't very strong in the sense that she really fears having anyone hate or dislike her (she realizes she needs to accept it sometimes but it's hard).
What do I tell her? She gets really close to me in a flirty way and I want to firmly tell her to get her either stop or get her shit together, but she just doesn't know what to do and neither do I. | Female friend and I have gotten really close. She has a boyfriend though who has basically threatened to start cutting himself again if she breaks up with him. She also doesn't want to have anyone hate her. |
t3_3dg6on | Advice | do you believe in [cosmic] signs? | about 2 years ago I graduated from college and took a job in a town about 7 hours from my family. I knew then that it was just a new adventure, but that eventually I would want to start looking for work close to home. my hometown doesn't have a lot of activity/things to do, but I lately I've started feeling unhappy here and like I am ready to move somewhere closer to family. it is a long drive, so I don't get to go home and visit often. I went home to visit for about a week & drove back on Monday feeling really sad and depressed to leave my family. the whole car ride I was thinking (overthinking) about everything and all my options. I thought I could just try stay here for a while and work it out OR I could move back home ASAP. I went back to work Tuesday still just feeling generally depressed and thinking about things. I even thought 'I wish I would just get like a SIGN, some kind of hint to just tell me what to do." fast forward an hour or so and I have a voicemail in my phone, someone with a job position asking if I'm still available and looking to move back. the thing is, the job is not a position that I think would make me happy (weekend job, pulling call, etc). i can't help but feel like I asked for my "sign", I got it, and now I'm just ignoring it. is it crazy to be scared that I'm missing an opportunity by not taking the job, just because "signs" pointed to it? | been struggling with work/living far from home. asked for a "sign" on what decision to make, got one, now ignoring it. |
t3_nw726 | AskReddit | Soulmates? | Obligatory thowaway accouny disclosure.
I could really use a wide variety of opinions here, I don't care if I'm downvoted to hell, but please consider voicing your thoughts beforehand.
My wife and I have been married for just over 11 years and I really thought of us as "soulmates". We love each others company, we make fun of the same things, recreate the same way... hell, we even enjoy looking at the same eye-candy (we're both monogamist bisexuals).
Very sadly, I found out (on Christmas, no less) that she has been emotionally involved with another man (who she's known since middle school) for pretty much our entire marriage. I'm 95% sure there was nothing physical ever, mostly because of proximity to the 3rd party and we spent so much time together. That said, my wife knew that I'd rather her suck 53 dicks (not in a row) than one emotional short term relationship - so finding out the degree of this infidelity has been devastating.
My wife has been as good and honest as possible since I busted open the sad bounty of text messages to this man a few days ago. She agrees that this is the most horrible she could have done to us, barring sleeping with the guy too, but also maintains that this has been an elaborate emotional role-playing session.
Our marriage is hinging on me being able to trust her again and she reminded me that we're soulmates. I took this for granted up until a few days ago, but now I'm convinced that she's my soulmate, my perfect fit, my other half, but I'm just a spouse to her - something she tearfully denies and swears she's to me as I am to her.
So Reddit, here it is - is it even remotely possible that my wife really is and has been my soulmate or is she deluding both of us? I will read every reply and do my best to answer any questions AMA style if any interest is generated. P.S. - sorry about the grammar and spelling, I'm pretty sleep-deprived. | Wife long term cheats, is it possible we could still be soulmates? Come for the train wreck, stay for the gallows humor. |
t3_15r7yk | AskReddit | Redditors of the world, how is New Year's Eve celebrated at your country? | Hello there. Me being an spaniard and having this cute tradition of the grapes, I was wondering about those little things that other countries may have too.
Here in Spain, we have a tradition that I suppose is called "the twelve grapes" and is done because it gives good luck. It consists of all the family grouping up in front of the television some minutes before the clock hits midnight, with 12 grapes in hand, and when the clock hits 00:00, you have to eat a grape for each bell strike. I love this and I always do it while giggling at everyone trying to stuff their mouths with grapes. After the 12th bell strike, everyone starts greeting, you can hear the fireworks going on and the alcohol bottles opening up. For me it's magical.
Also, it's a great excuse for each TV channel to create their production of a New Year's show, with humour, dances, with all the artists invited, that will make way to the main show that is La Plaza del Sol in Madrid where there will be two main hosts explaining how to eat the grapes (even though everyone knows how to do it) and you can sense the hype with all the people with silly hats in front of the clock tower. There's always a fight between TV companies to have the best invited artists, hosts or content in general, because hell, they can make a lot of money out of it and all the damn families of the country are glued to the screen. I don't know if this happens everywhere in the world. | The first thing we do every year at Spain is to stuff our mouths with grapes. What in special does your country do? |
t3_2pkkad | legaladvice | [California] Any experience with Private Investigators? I'm trying to locate 2 MIA but alive family members | Hi all,
I've been thinking about this for some time and I'm wondering if I should pursue this course.
I have 2 older cousins both of whom I care for dearly that left the family (they're twins). They left the family for completely different reasons, one for prison the other for extended military service and a marriage.
I want to get in contact with them but Facebook doesn't work, old emails are closed, and old cellphone numbers obviously don't work. I have some idea why they wanted to go No Contact with certain members, but not sure why this would extend to me.
These two were like older brothers to me, and I'm hoping to at least establish an email relationship. Does r/legal have any advice regarding PI's or anything for this situation? I'm in completely new territory.
*I would only want to contact them so that I could talk to them, not for anyone else.*
____ | 2 Older Cousins MIA- they're still alive but in separate states and have No Contact with me and family(?). |
t3_4o2zy7 | Advice | Really scared I'm going to lose my job due to a drug test | I do not do drugs recreationally. Last night I took half a Tramadol (not sure of the mg) that I don't have a prescription for. I have back pain and can't seem to get a prescription for anything. I only take maybe 2 or 3 pain pills a year and this was due to moving a lot of heavy boxes recently. This morning I got called in for a random urine sample drug test. It had been 12 hours since I had taken the half pill and I always drink a lot of water. My sample was crystal clear in appearance. I'm mostly concerned about losing my job, but I'm also very worried about the shame and perception from family and coworkers if it comes back positive. I will at least be suspended without pay if that's the case and I don't have a good excuse (I ate poppy seeds doesn't count). Am I worrying over nothing? Or should I prepare for the worst? How should I respond if my employer confronts me about the results? I should hear something in 3-4 days if there's a problem. I can't believe this is happening. I feel like that little pill could wreck my life. | I took half a Tramadol last night and was drug tested this morning and I feel like I'm effed |
t3_1u7m38 | offmychest | So long as she's happy... it's worth it. | Just broke up with my gf of 6 months. Not a long time I know but I really put a lot of myself into this relationship. It was great at first but turns out that by agreeing to go out with me she was breaking a promise to herself because she felt we weren't good enough friends before dating.
Unfortunately she couldn't get over that, despite us managing to become great friends in the meanwhile. It was eating away at her and finally I made her talk about it. A running theme of our relationship has been that she's had issues (leaving it at that) and I've been so patient with her and "putting up" with a lot, and all I wanted for her was to be happy because she's been hurt so much, and this broken self-promise was hurting her and I couldn't stand it so we broke up and I hope to God it's worth it, so long as she can be happy. I just don't want to regret this. | I am single and hurting so bad but it's so worth it as long as I know she's gonna be happy. |
t3_3dn7pm | relationships | My (M18) girlfriend (F18) questions the longevity of our relationship due to differences in beliefs. | The title says it all. We have been together for over a year and 2 months. We've discussed our belief differences before and only twice have we had an actual serious discussion. She's a catholic and I'm an atheist.
I never question the relationship because of our differences but she has done it before. Usually I tell her it'll be okay and I'll accept her but then she brings up these crazy scenarios. She says she's fine with me being an atheist but she always avoids talking about the future because of our beliefs.
I just want the whole religion issue to fade off so we can go back to having a happy relationship without the fear of religion coming in and ruining things for us. When we don't talk about religion, we're usually fine and carefree. It isn't something that comes up often but it does sometimes.
(I am not bashing religion, I'm saying our differences cause her to question our relationship) | Girlfriend questions our relationship in the long run due to belief differences. She's a catholic, I'm an atheist. |
t3_1shvju | loseit | Finding fun in cardio, prevent binging, and looking for reccomendations. | Hello, to start off I would like to give you some statistics about my current health, I am a 16 year old male that is 5'6 and weighs 210 lbs.. My current body fat percentage is 29% and my lean body mass is 149.1 lbs.. To go about lowering body fat percentage I was recommended by my trainer to go on portion control, while others said to do lots of cardio, and go on a calorie deficit.
So to begin with my first question,
1.) I find it really boring to do cardio alone unless someone is there to push me or if there is someone doing cardio. Otherwise, I find it REALLY easy to quit a few minutes in. I am looking for a solution to not quit so easily. Also, what is the best type of cardio workout to cut body fat %, whether it be sprinting, long distance jogging, weight resistance workouts, etc.?
2.) I want to be very strict with my diet but my willpower is just way too weak. People who eat healthy are usually disgusted by fast food and junk food but I cannot help myself when it comes to it. I was told that if I cannot cut it out of my life then I would have to go on portion control. Is there a way to teach yourself to eat healthy and not binge on junk food? I would rather find a way to teach myself to cut it out of my life completely rather than having to cut down on portions.
3.) I was told a lot of methods to cut my body fat %, whether it be portion control, counting calories, counting macros, cardio, etc. but in the end I am still looking for a solution for cutting down my body fat % substantially in the best way possible, what do you reccommend?
Any help will be greatly appreciated, I want to live a healthier life and it would mean the world if you could help out even in the slightest. | How do you find cardio enjoyable as an individual, how can you discipline yourself to eat healthy, and what is the best way to cut down on my body fat %? |
t3_29gckh | relationships | Realized I [M 24] might be in love with my Ex [23] | My ex and I got together last August. We had a very loving and functional relationship, but I was secretly struggling with my depression and alcoholism.
At one point in our 7 month relationship, she said she loved me. I didn't reciprocate those feelings and it really hurt her. Eventually, I broke up with her due to my mental instability and hectic schedule.
I have been sober for over 6 months now, and I feel a sense of clarity. However, I don't know if I'm just idealizing the relationship or if my feelings are honest. She has a new SO, and I have seen some other people since she and I broke up.
I don't know if I should try to make contact again or just let it rest. My brain tells me leave it alone, but deep down, I think there was something there, I just wasn't ready for it. | I was a complete wreck when previously dating my ex. She has a new SO now, but I think I might be in love with her. What to do? |
t3_3p43k3 | relationships | Me [26F] with my ex-boyfriend [28 M] of 10 months, broke up due to outside circumstances. Possible to get back together? | Back in March my ex-boyfriend ended our relationship due to work stress, horrible work/life balance, and long-distance. We had a pretty perfect relationship until the very end when we both just didn't think it was working out and he decided to break things off. I was pretty devastated, but I understood where he was coming from.
It's now been about 7 months and he continues to initiate contact with me (sends me songs to listen to, videos he thinks I'd find funny, subtle inside jokes, etc). It's not always flirty, but it's definitely making me wonder if he still has feelings for me. I don't always respond to him, but he continues to reach out. He's a very logical person so I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to start things back up while we're long-distance, but could his staying in touch signify he isn't ready to let go or is he just fucking with my head? Have you ever broken up with someone due to outside circumstances and then gotten back together at a later time? What made you (or your ex) come around? Is it better to remain friends (or just keep in touch) during this time or should I completely cut it off? | Ex-boyfriend and I broke up due to outside circumstances. Hoping to get back together at some point, but not sure if I should keep responding to his texts or just completely cut it off. |
t3_1mafiu | AskReddit | People of Reddit, what is your opinion of this situation? | I'm a new college grad who has a full-time job with a decent salary (I'm an engineer, it was not a cakewalk getting to this point.) I live at home due to cultural/parental expectations; I'd love to live on my own, but it's just not done in my culture.
I help my parents out wherever I can: I take out the trash, do grocery shopping with my dad (which includes putting away all the groceries), set and clear the dinner table everyday, do my own laundry, etc. My room does not get cleaned up much, but I close the door and pretend the mess doesn't exist.
I have a solid circle of friends (all engineers), and I certainly enjoy hanging out with them. There's not much to do in the town I live in, so we usually go out to eat or do random fun activities. Problem is, my parents don't let me go anywhere! Everytime I tell them my plans to go out (which is about once a week) they outright refuse. They also make me out to feel like I'm some washed up kid who has no goals in life. Now, basically every talk with them turns into an argument. They think I'm disrespectful to them, and basically act like I'm a low-grade employee while they're the CEOs of the household.
I'm starting to feel I'm being ungrateful to them, and starting to feel like I'm taking it all for granted. Am I in the wrong somehow? | I'm a new grad with a good job living at home, and have parents who act like I'm a lost cause. |
t3_nyo5r | AskReddit | Started my first retail job in August. Boss says we can talk about a raise next week. | I won't go into details about where I work, but suffice it to say that it's a major retail chain in the United States.
Until this job, I had worked almost entirely under the table since I was twelve: a friend's rental company, a landscaping business, etc. And now I'm one of those "under-employed" college graduates you hear so much about, working for minimum wage in a retail job (albeit a pretty comfy one) for minimum wage.
But now (and my boss would agree, it seems) my responsibilities have outgrown my wage, even though I'm not technically a full-time employee (was working ~40 hrs/week since August; after the holidays: probably closer to 30). We'll be talking about a raise next week, and I want to be prepared if she asks me how much I think I'm worth.
Thoughts, anyone? If it helps, my job description would read something like "sales/in-store technical support." | I'm 22 years old and I've been working my first (minimum wage) retail job since August. Boss wants to talk about a raise. What's the best strategy? How much should I ask for? |
t3_23c950 | relationships | Me [18 M] am having trouble understanding what a girl [16 F] wants. | So a little more than a month ago when I was 17 I started talking to this girl who was 15. We really hit it off and I even asked her to prom which she said yes. We couldn't technically date until she turned 16 which happened last weekend and I had just turned 18 a few days prior. We would hold hands and snuggle when we were alone but not in public. Everything seed to be going fine and I thought we would officially start dating when she turned 116.the night before she turned 16 she told me she wants to continue as we were for a bit to get to know each other better and hang out some more and then we'll see if we should become official, but until then just good friends. Ever since them we haven't hung out and our texting has become minimal but we still do talk at school and everything seems okay except for a little awkward. I don't really know what to do and if she actually wants to go out at all. | girl I've been talking too and semi dating said she wants to get to know each other before officially dating. But is making it hard to hangout and get to know her |
t3_wwise | AskReddit | My boyfriend consistently stays up until 8a/9a getting drunk and then sleeps until 7p/8p which makes little to no time for he and I to see each other awake. Is it wrong of me to be disappointed? This only started a little over a month ago, so I know it's not how he typically lives. | I realize that the question is horribly short. So here's an extended version:
Right now, if I want to spend time with my boyfriend while he's awake, I need to stay up through most of the evening, and then I'll sleep for a few hours and go on with my day. This has resulted in me consistently lacking sleep (obviously). Taking this one step further, he has to be incredibly drunk before he can even try to sleep. I've tried talking to him about it, and asking him to try to cut back on drinking/go to bed earlier, etc. because it's becoming so hard for me to even function and he says that this is 'how he is.' When he's sober, he's amazing, funny, and great. But when he gets drunk, all I hear is about all the ladies he thinks are sexy, and how much weight I've gained. I know that this isn't who he is, and even as I type this I feel like such an idiot because I'm sure plenty of the responses will be to either a) leave him or b) suck it up. It's gotten so much worse over the last few months, whereas before it wasn't like this. He has even said that this is the longest relationship he's ever had and he's close to 30.
Side note, when he and I are together, we just 'work,' for lack of a better term. He makes me laugh, I make him laugh. We push each other to be better people. I'm incredibly happy when I'm around him, and he says that he is the same way.
He's tried to make changes, but the sleep thing has become a constant fight. He said I'm being ridiculous trying to get him to change. Is it wrong of me to be disappointed? Or should I just accept the fact we are very different in our overall schedules and it's not worth it? | Boyfriend gets drunk every night and stays up until the wee hours of the morning, and we have been fighting consistently because of it. Do I have a right to be disappointed? |
t3_2g8nxc | relationships | My (18 m) Girlfriend(17 f) of 8 months told me she likes another guy today. | So today I had a long chat with my girlfriend about how over the past week or so she's developed a crush on a dude that she works with. Ive been noticing our relationship deteriorate over the past few months, due to a stretch of depression that i've been in denial about. I recently had a long conversation with her about why i've been sort of a hermit (emotionally and physically) for a little while and things seemed to get better. Its felt like there's been something she's wanted to say to me for a little while, and I kept encouraging her to just tell me regardless of how it might effect me. Since the relationship started i've been pretty adamant about talking about stuff rather than bottling it up and waiting for everything to come out at once.
When I asked what was wrong she started crying and sat there staring at the ceiling for about 15 minutes, and then told me about her crush on this guy, and how its tearing her apart because she still loves me. She told me that she feels really guilty about it and she thinks that there's no reason that she should've gotten attached to him, but for some reason she still did.
I was pretty dumbfounded by this, and I honestly still dont know how to feel. I told her that I love her, and that she needs to do whatever makes her happy, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or feels because I want her to be happy, she left, and now im typing this. I'm prepared to go full on breakup mode, but I still care about her. I just wanna know if this is salvageable, or I should just give it up. | Girlfriend likes some dude that she works with, comes out to me after a week of feeling bad, and tells me she still loves me so she doesn't know what to do. I don't know how to feel about this. |
t3_n5zcc | dating_advice | Slightly complicated situation + mixed signals | I've been spending more time with a female friend at my community college, and I want to date her. I'm 21, she's 19. I've got a few concerns that are making me hesitant to try and seal the deal.
First of all, I'm friends with her (let's call her "Alice") and another mutual female friend who is in a LDR (I'll call her "Nancy"). Up until a month ago I was really into Nancy. None of us spoke about it, but I think it was pretty obvious from my flirtatious behavior. Nothing happened, but she seemed to be enjoying, or possibly oblivious, that I was flirting. Either way, I finally realized that Nancy was not the type of girl I wanted to pursue. I found out Alice had been single for a little while, I started to think about asking her out. I had always been attracted to her, but only got to know her recently.
I got to hang out with Alice and a few other friends over lunch and studying this week. We were all going in her car, so I called shotgun. One girl said it didn't count until we could see the car. Alice whispered to me when we could see it once we got outside. I talked about wanting to see a certain movie, Alice said she hadn't seen it yet. Great! I asked her if she wanted to see it (I guess I should have said "with me"), and she said that she didn't go to the movies very often and had "no opinion really". A few minutes later she splashed me with her umbrella and ran away giggling. I casually touched her on the arm a few times during conversation, she didn't seem bothered, but didn't reciprocate. Any time I teased or joked with her, she would smile and look me right in the eye for a few extra awkward seconds.
How do I ask this girl out without making her feel pressured if she doesn't feel the same? Could she be hesitant because she suspects I used to like her good friend? | I should probably just ask her out, but please read and tell me if there is anything that makes it a bad idea. |
t3_4enyz8 | dogs | [Breeds] What is the Great Pyrenees experience like? Getting very close to purchasing one. Can I handle it? Some background provided. | Hello fellow dog owners!
**Some background:** I've grown up training a chocolate lab and golden retriever, both grew to be well trained/behaved dogs. I was a teen when training the golden with my dad, we eventually got her to do some more advanced tricks.
Fast forward to my early twenties. I move in with a girlfriend who has 2 dogs, one is a boarder collie mix--She did not realize dogs can be trained, as far as this dog knew he was the leader of the pack, would run away if the door was open and didn't know any commands. After LOTS of effort, both of her dogs are leash trained, can be trusted off leash in the foothills, know a variety of obedience commands sit, stay, hold up, leave it--and a few others. I trust them both and it was been a great experience for my girlfriend to see that building a relationship with your dogs can give you both so much more freedom.
Now that I can trust her dogs to be a good influence, I have been getting to itch to get my own puppy and raise it. I've encountered a litter of Great Pyr's and am strongly considering purchasing one of the boys I started to develop an attachment to. I am most familiar with very trainable dogs, but have done research, stayed persistent and have been able to retrain a grown boarder collie mix.
My question is this, how difficult are great pyr's to train? Do I have enough experience to take on this responsibility? Is working with an intelligent and stubborn border collie enough experience to handle raising one of these majestic pups?
Thank you!!
Also, I have spoken to coworkers with children, cats & chickens to see if they will volunteer some time helping me socialize the pup with each should I purchase it. | Grew up with easily trainable dogs, managed to train an untrained adult bordercollie, is this enough experience to handle a great pyrenees? |
t3_33fpfr | relationships | Me [24/f] with my brother [21/m] just got out of jail and I don't know what to do | My brother was caught selling drugs, and long story short ended up in jail.
Now the entire family was aware of this, and during his time in jail he said how he would change his ways, etc... etc...
My parents have always enabled his behavior, and my older brother who I don't have a relationship with because he thinks he is a fucking messiah that can "fix" everything because he is always "right" also did a brief time in jail.
So my two bothers have formed a relatively strong relationship.
My parents although they played dumb, knew what was going on, and enabled the behavior of my younger brother.
So after a few months my brother is out of jail, and is immediately already wanting to get back into what he was doing.
I want to separate myself from him, but in doing so would also mean separating myself from my mom and dad because they still think that he is going to change, and are really just going back to enabling him.
I am tired of seeing this occur and want to keep my husband and child away from it. We live about 30 minutes away from them so not to far, but I feel like if I don't do this, that it will eventually lead to more issues.
I don't know what I should do, or how to go about navigating it. | my brother is an idiot who wants to go back to do his illegal crap, and my parents just enable the situation. I just want to get away from it all. |
t3_3ebli1 | relationships | Me [23 M] with my SO [21 F] of ~1 year - we're having fights about my moderated drug use | I'm 23 and working professionally as a Software Developer. I am healthy both physically, mentally, and financially. I enjoy smoking weed maybe twice a week, and perhaps using psychedelics once a season. As we've continued to date, my girlfriend has become increasingly more uncomfortable with my use, despite my use actually decreasing (we started dating in college, naturally I have begun to settle down). She has been aware of my use the entire time - I've always been very forthcoming.
I tripped at a music festival 'Electric Forest' recently and had a great time - naturally I wanted to tell her about it. She listened, but when I said "I can't wait for you to come next year", she sternly said "no - I don't want to be around you when you do that".
I began probing more into her opinions, never really having a true discussion about our boundaries about this subject, trying to understand her viewpoints. She gave me some uncomfortable ultimatums - if we live together, no drugs in the house, and I'm not allowed to do anything around her. On my own time, I can do whatever I want.
This is troubling to me, and I try to describe this, which led to her becoming extremely upset and saying things like "I can't believe you're going to choose drugs over me". She believes she is compromising by letting me do these things on my own time, whereas I think these ultimatums will undoubtedly create a barrier between us.
Honestly, I'm not sure what I can even do. I feel like she is forcing me to choose between drugs and her, whereas I simply want both. If she tolerated my use, there would be no problem. But I suppose she is 'tolerating' my use in a way. I'm envisioning a future where I have to sneak out of my own house to smoke a joint thinking to myself "what kind of marriage is that".
She is an incredible woman, and really, this is the only thing we've ever fought over. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice. Should I be appreciative of her compromise more, and am I wrong to have anxiety over these ultimatums? | girlfriend has become troubled by my drug use, has given me uncomfortable ultimatums that give me anxiety over our future |
t3_2odmo8 | self | Internship or personal project? Advice Please? | I am a Software Engineering Major and my Mom and I are in a little bit of a debate. For the summer, if I don't get an internship of some sort, I want to have my own personal project, which is making a video game. However, my mom says I need to be in the field and learn from others, although I don't like working with many people and I am more of an autodidact. I'm thinking if I ever DID get an internship, a project like putting a video game on Steam would be something to boost my resume. What would be better? | I wanna make a video game this summer to boost my resume and my mom wants me to get an internship with a company. What should I do? |
t3_4fnygz | relationships | My [28 M] long-distance girlfriend [26 F] of a year is flying up here to stay with me for a week and she doesn't know what I look like. | She has seen pictures of me, including pictures of me naked (I have a tattoo, so she knows it's actually me), but I censor my face. I was burned in an accident when I was a child and the top-left section of my face (almost half) is disfigured. I used to think I looked kind of cool in a way, probably just as a way to cope with this, but it's still bad enough that people stare and make comments or ask personal questions. It COULD be much worse and I should consider myself lucky though.
I have been with my long-distance girlfriend for a year. She knows I'm disfigured and doesn't care but seems to think it's the same as her being overweight and me not knowing what her body looks like (she only sends face pictures because she's self-conscious). It's not at all the same thing to me and I'm terrified that she's going to leave me when she gets here.
I would send her a picture so she has fair warning but I think that at this point she will come anyway because it would be awkward to cancel her flight. I really love this woman and feel like I've waited way, way too long and that it's going to bite me in the ass.
To make matters worse I always tell her it's "not that bad," and maybe it's not but she might think it is.
What should I do? | I'm fucked up and my long-distance girlfriend (who's coming to visit me) has no idea how bad it is because I'm a coward who won't send her a picture. |
t3_4y0k6o | dating_advice | [25F] How do I get back in the game when the game is on hard mode? | Long story short I have not dated in almost 3 years and had sex in about half a year. As well I was socially awkward in school and never really learnt how to hint at attraction or ask people out so the majority of my dates have come from point blank asking someone to go on a date with me to event or friends setting me up. But once I got older my friend group changed and I don't have the kinda friends who are like HOTTIE ALERT. PLZ GO ASK OUT ASHTON.
I have been (mostly) OK with this minus a few spells of unhappiness due to lack of sex, and the general unhappiness that comes from trying to find women for casual sex is much harder then finding a dude. (I just want to taste girls again ok!? ;-;) But the longer this goes on the more I worry I am hurting my self by not actively seeking out anyone.
As for hard mode. I have depression, not the cute malaise that begs for hugs but the soul crushing in and out of hospital and cocktail of drugs kind. I have some minor physical problems as well, and difficulties getting pregnant. I'm obese and not in good enough shape anymore to do rock climbing or anything more psychically involved then a 90 min hike through the woods. I'm back in school which is also a turn off for many people and currently only make about 13$ a hour. But I'm working on all that.
While I made an account on OK Cupid ages ago most of the girls are asking for threesomes which I'm not comfortable with or extremely far outside my area. ( I am not dating outside my country, that's a no go right now. ) One guy asked me for help with his pot website so... That's a thing???
I realize this is a rambley wall of text, but | how do you date? How do I take the first steps into finding a person I connect with? Because while I never seemed to have much trouble with relationships I've also never had to find one alone. |
t3_1oysmd | AskReddit | I'm 25 years old, have a bachelor's degree, and am unsure about enlisting. Is this a smart choice? | I have dual citizenship. Dad is retired Army, mom is a German national.
I got a Bachelor of Illustration in 2010 and have since just worked odd jobs while my loans pile interest.
Recently I moved back in with my parents due to a general lack of knowing where to go next.
During my time here I realized what I want to do but my field of choice (conceptual & editorial illustration) doesn't really put my co-signing parents at ease about paying off my loans.
The military seems like the only way to get on my feet financially while being able to do some stateside travelling.
My biggest fear is wasting 4 years doing this instead of networking and working on my craft. | am 25, Have bachelor of Art, should I enlist to pay off loans and become financially stable or stick to my initial calling. |
t3_2a2b0o | Advice | Do these people sound like real friends to you? | I have a few people in my life (I prefer not to call them "friends", because I don't see them as such). These three people are very close, almost as if they are family. This is fine, everyone has their best friends. However, these people (2 girls, 1 guy) seem to go out of their way to make sure they exclude everyone else from their lives. It is the three of them first, everyone else second. About a year ago, I brought this up to one of the three people (a person who i have known for 15 years, someone I believed i could trust). I said that I felt neglected as a friend because on the surface their gestures would seem nice and cordial, but once you are around them they made no effort to include me or anyone else they were with at whatever social gathering there was. I was immediately shunned from their little group after I spoke my mind because I apparently offended them. Anyway, a few weeks later, I would apologize and we sort of make up, I swallow my pride and admit I may have overreacted. Still, I am wary of being with them because of the way that they exclude people and act like children. About a year later (present day), other friends of mine--friends who have always had my back and been there for me (who were also well acquainted with the three) have a very similar issue. They had a fight over practically nothing. The three friends who act immature now have practically nobody except themselves. This puts me in an awkward position. I don't particularly like these three people, but they did not do anything to wrong me and will still occasionally invite me out (as if nothing happened) to social gatherings and such. I don't know what is the right way to feel about this, considering that they have wronged me in the past and that they now have behaved in a similarly immature way towards close friends of mine. This isn't really an urgent issue, just wondering if anyone else has input or a similar issue in their social lives. | Karma is biting some cliquish people I know in the ass, and I don't know how to feel about it |
t3_xzn3m | relationship_advice | 19m goes to Ohio State with 19f and got accepted to The University of Texas, two years together | I got accepted to UT and want to go, but I have a girlfriend at Ohio State. We are both very far from home, she told me that she has no friends and no connections, all because of me being jealous and controlling. She feels very alone, and is scared to go back to Ohio alone. I really want to go to UT, but I feel I should go back to Ohio to make things right, at least for a semester. I will give her all the space she needs, make sure she meets people, and give her the support she needs. I feel I have been a negative influence and it would be better for both of us if I went to a different school. Like I said she feels very alone, and feels she will have no support so far away. I don't know what to do. This summer I distanced myself from her to clear my head and figure out what I really wanted, it made her feel more alone and sad. I feel very guilty. I don't know if I'm entirely to blame for everything or if she is just trying to manipulate me into not leaving her. Whenever I say I'll go to Ohio she immediately cheers up and nothing is wrong. We have been together two years. UT is a better school with a better atmosphere, and I really want to go. | Girlfriend will be alone without me at Ohio State because I kept her from meeting people, but I really want to go to UT. |
t3_11g7in | relationships | She (18f) is considering a breakup after what i (18m) think is literally nothing. | Alright so here is how it goes. The previous night we made plans to call each other at a specific time no real reason to just talk, anyways what happens when i do call at this specific time (10pm) she literally wasn't talking, other then half replies. So anyways lists of things i was talking about would be who i was talking to at the current time, or a joke or well anything, the worst of it could be these two "I'm bored or, are you tired and need sleep (she wasn't talking thought she was tired), anyways after that she does decide to sleep after i finally gave up after an hour and said maybe you should sleep. She thinks we have nothing to talk about, she thinks nothing will work out cause of that, she also thinks i wont see her much because we go to different schools (same city though I'm just mostly occupied with homework or work but we see eachother about twice a week) but she did say in a reply that she would make her decision in the morning. | Girlfriend thinks we should breakup after a night on the phone of her only just replying, then saying soon after we have nothing to talk about. |
t3_2os3az | relationships | Me [31M] with my GF [24F] 4.5 years, she broke up, do I take her back? | She lost faith in our future together, and also wanted to experience being single in her twenties - we dated for all of her twenties. She wanted to grow as an individual and experience life being single.
She said she wanted to try again in about a year.
She moved to NYC for a new job and started seeing a guy one week after we broke up. He was her rebound and she did everything with him including traveling, meeting each other's families, and he even got her to do coke with him multiple times.
During her time away she also slept with 9 other men. Now eight months later she wants to get back together.
I'm confused and honestly scared and put off by her actions while she was away from me and don't know what to do.
Obviously I still love her very much and always thought she would, eventually be the woman I would marry.
I knew she was young when we started dating and that she had a lot of life's lessons to encounter still.
She's very apologetic and cries everyone she talks to me, wanting me back and saying she made the biggest mistake ever and knows now that I'm the one for her.
She does not have any STDs from her promiscuous time away.
Would you take her back? Need advice PLEASE... | can I take my ex back 8 months after she left me, tells me she made the biggest mistake ever by leaving? |
t3_3wif7q | offmychest | Why do I feel anxious and guilty? | I've been feeling guilty ever since my first semester of college ended.
I actually did pretty well, got all solid A's for all my classes and also managed to get a job within campus.But ever since the semester ended, I feel guilty and anxious for not doing any work at all. While I did ace my first semester, my classes were ridiculously easy. In my General Psych class I consistently received extra credit for simply meeting the requirements and also receiving over 85% on exams, which have also been spoon-fed to the class. My intro to Arts and Media class never felt like a challenge and I could feel that my professor was a relatively easy grader. Our midterm consisted of questions that were handed to us during the first month of class and had 50 questions that were easy to memorize. I also took a fluffed-up freshman required class that was pretty meaningless overall. There are people here who do not understand MLA format despite the professor explaining it repeatedly.
The only class where I felt like I was learning anything or being challenged was my Trigonometry class. This was the only class where I felt a need to actively study for. While it is definitely a lower-level class compared to some people who start off freshman year with Calc, this class was a good refresher while also bringing in new insight for math. I felt the most involved with this class and had a sense of fulfillment.
I am definitely not complaining about the ease of receiving grades, but I feel deeply anxious that the next semester will be significantly harder and that this semester did not prepare me well enough for it. College so far has been easier than high school.
I'm not really sure what I'm saying when I type this out but I'm just worried that this is just not real college, and that I am just someone who is mediocre and stands out among other students who are not focused on academics. I feel like this is all just coming out wrong and its nothing to worry about, but I just need to say this. | I think I feel guilty because receiving a 4.0 was way too easy for the first semester and I'm worried that I'm not prepared for more difficult material. |
t3_2378qw | relationships | I [18/f] have been with my boyfriend for 18 months[19/m], he's a very sexual person, but sometimes I feel he takes it too far, and I feel violated and angry after we have sex | I've been in a relationship with a guy for 18 months, he really loves me, but over the past few months, his sexual behaviour has been bothering me.
I have depression, so a lot of the time, I just don't feel like having sex, there have been so many times that I've said I don't want to have sex that night, that I'm not in the mood, but he always finds a way to do it anyways.
I don't know if this constitutes as rape, he is my boyfriend after all, and it's not like I resist, but sometimes after we have sex on occasions like this I feel really angry, like he manipulated/tricked me into having sex. He'll try to get me in the mood by constantly touching my private areas, or sometimes he'll just flat out pull off my pants and start.. well I won't go into details, but it makes me feel trapped. I don't want to tell him to stop because I don't want to seem like a bitch. Sometimes I just let it happen to get it over with and because I know he'll just be horny and annoying all night if I don't.
There are other times where he will grab me (boobs, butt ect..) in public. I hate it and I tell him to stop, and he's cut down a bit, but there are still times where I catch him at it, but it's just gotten exhausting trying to fight it.
He's a very loving person, and good boyfriend in general, but I guess he just has boundary issues, and I don't know what to do. Its made me HATE sex, and loose my trust for him a bit. Whenever I call him out on it, I just feel like a bitch. I just don't know what to do anymore... | Boyfriend has boundary issues, sometimes I feel tricked or manipulated into having sex, makes me feel angry and violated. Advice? |
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