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t3_449u8r | dating_advice | (20M) Attracted to a girl who (I think) dropped out of my class. How do I go about getting ahold of her? I don't want to come off as creepy. | So school has been going for about three weeks now. On the first day of class, this really cute girl sat next to me. The class kicked off pretty quick and as soon as it ended, she was out the door.
The second day of class, we talked very briefly about the class before getting started. As soon as it ended, she was once again, out the door.
After that, each class was either a holiday, me skipping, or her 'skipping'. However, now it's gotten to the point where I'm pretty sure she has dropped :( I sent her a friend request on Facebook, but I don't think she uses it anymore -- her last post is from 2010.
She does have an Instagram, but I'm not sure if that's really a good place to message people (don't really use Instagram).
My question is, would it be creepy to email her via her school email? It's available to all students. I'm not really sure what I'd say though.
I've NEVER seen her in the hallways or anywhere else on campus for that matter. The only way I know to contact her would be though that email.
Our first major assignment is due Monday, so if she isn't there, then she almost definitely dropped.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | Would it come off as creepy to email this girl who, I believe, dropped out? I want to ask her out, but she's never in class. She hasn't touched her Facebook since 2010. Would Instagram be better? |
t3_1a4m13 | tifu | TIFU by killing a mallard. | I was golfing, and a fat heard of mallards were relaxing by the green about 176 yards out. I have played this hole many times before, and am pretty confident I can hit the green. 'THWACK' I send the ball off, my hands hurt from a slight vibration, which means my ball wasn't going where I wanted it to. All of a sudden I see a lone bird freak out, jump, try to fly, and then fall. The other green headed bastards nearly trample him trying to get to the nearest little pond, about twenty feet to the right. He makes it to the water with his mallard friends, only to drop his head under the murky water, unconscious, to die. I drove up to my ball, which was resting near the edge of the green, and finished the hole. | today I hit a mallard with a golf ball from about 160 yards out, causing it to pass out in the water and die amongst a huge group of other ducks. |
t3_4uqp37 | askwomenadvice | Would you think it's weird if a guy added you on Facebook where you don't use your real last name? | Hi /r/askwomenadvice.
Yesterday 2 girls who are traveling came into my workplace to figure out what they should do in the area, which is a popular tourist destination. I (23m) helped them plan their time here, and later that day they came to one of my programs that I give. I interacted with them for several hours that day, and one of the girls seemed to be attracted to me, or flirting with me.
I am very attracted to her and want to get to know her more. I know her name from when she signed up for my program. I looked her and her friend up on Facebook and found them both, but the girl I like uses a different name on there (her first name and then the name of a flower). I was able to find her by searching her name and then the name of the college that I saw on her hat. A post from the college a couple years ago came up with her updated name tagged in it (it was the only post, so it wasn't like I was extensively searching for her).
The way I see it I can add the girl I like and send her a friendly message with an explanation of how I found her and hope she doesn't find it creepy, or I could add her friend and ask about the girl I like. They are going to be leaving in a couple of days, and they are from a state very far from me. I happen to be interviewing for a position in that same state though, which would put us closer if I took the job and we ever decided to meet up.
What would you do in this situation? Would you find if creepy if a guy friended you under these circumstances? Would you even bother adding him given that he is so far away? Is this just a pipe dream that I should let go?
Sincerely,
Why didn't I ask for her number... | Girl flirts with me. Search her name and college on fb, find her page that doesn't use real last name. Need to know if it would be creepy, or even worth it, to add her. |
t3_3bz2el | relationships | I hate myself [18m] - I have a girlfriend, but I'm obsessed with another girl... | Here's some backstory: there's a girl that started working at my job that has shown interest in me. Maybe it's the fact that not many girls in my life that I found attractive have actually liked me back, but I can't help but really like this girl back.
I really hate myself because with the problems between my girlfriend and I (we've been together for a year), the thought that we should break up is amplified, and I'm not even thinking that I should try and fix the relationship either because it'll help me get closer to this other girl. And guess what? Because of this new girl, I started to become less attracted to my girlfriend...
I then think to myself, my girlfriend does not deserve this; she does not this deserve at all. Here she is, a good, faithful girl - and there's me, a guy who's feelings towards her has taken a 180 degree turn because of ONE girl. It doesn't make sense...
I know what most of you guys are thinking..."this guy is just an immature 18 year old", but I'm asking for help here, I don't know what to do.
I've tried to just forget about this girl, but it's literally impossible, I'm constantly having intrusive thoughts about her. Anybody have any advice? Inb4 comments that insult and berate me. | there's a girl that started working at my job, and I've become obsessed with her even though I have a girlfriend. I tried to forget about her and be the boyfriend that my girlfriend deserves, but it's impossible. Help? |
t3_4qd5rc | relationships | I [24M] am falling for my friend/roommate/coworker [26F], should I discuss it with her? | Hi
Some brief history I'v known my friend for about 4 or 5 years. When we first met I really liked her and asked her out. She rejected me but we worked on staying friends. I felt I'd moved on from that 2 years ago.
About a year ago i moved to a new city for an architecture job. I helped her get a job at the architecture firm I work at and since I didn't like my old living situation we decided to become roommates.
It's been about 2 months since she started. And I feel really protective of her at work. I get pangs of jealousy when she talks to guys. I know this is really stupid and I hate that I feel this way. I also feel my feelings for her are coming back. Even though I'm quite sure we would not work out as a couple. I do think she is very pretty and sometimes I think about us together but it's just a fantasy. As I know the real her and we really aren't compatible in the long term. We have a 1 year lease but I feel I really need to talk about this to her. Should I discuss this with her and how should I approach it. Help please. | Falling for friend/roommate/coworker who rejected me before. I really want to talk to her about it. What do I do? |
t3_3atkuz | relationships | I [16/M] have a strong relationship with a girl [17/F] but she's seemed less interested recently - how to fix it? | Ok, so I've been "Seeing" a girl on and off for several months who is older but still in my year at school. I used to be "seeing" her best friend a while ago, and she has told me on several occasions that she gets jealous when I talk to her and any other girl for that matter. I've managed to built up our relationship strongly, so that she still feels like she is chasing me blah blah but she has doubts sometimes if she wants to get serious, since she has been hurt badly before.
Anyway, I usually leave the texting up to her and she openly complains and winds me up when I dont text her, saying she makes all the effort on the texting front. We usually text until we fall asleep, and recently she went through a phase of PHONING ME to wake me up after I fell asleep, and the conversation would continue for another few hours over the phone.
We've both admitted that we like each other blah blah, and we've got close several times, so there's no uncertainty or awkwardness on that front.
The last week, however, has been weird. She was working midweek a lot more than usual and the text conversation was broken up a lot and subsequently it was quite poor. I found the conversation never properly got going like usual, and it was just smalltalk for a week. On friday at a party, she didn't want to go some place private as usual, but she still kinda made small talk with me.
I started to panic, thinking "oh shit, what if she's getting bored of me?". So I asked her later by text, and she said not to worry, that she just didn't feel like talking. However, she said goodnight which is unusual as, as I said, we usually fall asleep and continue the next day.
So as anticipated, no reply in the morning. I waited until monday, and I text her first. She replied all day and we made jokes a little, but again she said goodnight at the end of the day. Starting to shit myself, what do I do to recover this and get back in the driving seat? | A girl I like who likes me and has been "chasing me" now seems slightly uninterested, need advice on how to recover the situation |
t3_4g9ral | relationships | Last year I [24F] found out the guy I was casually seeing (26M) was cheating...and I was the other woman. Should I tell his gf? (26F) | We met through mutual friends, and he told me he'd recently been in a relationship. He spoke of her and their relationship in the past tense, there was no social media presence, etc and I'm generally pretty trusting.
Anyway, we hooked up for a few months. One year ago today we had sex for the last time--as I later saw him post an anniversary picture on IG. I ended things with him immediately, and have felt so guilty that I haven't had sex with anyone or dated since then. He reached out to me on snapchat last week (twisted timing much) and I said I wasn't interested in seeing him. Again, he followed up with happy anniversary IG photos.
My question is: should I tell his girlfriend? I've been cheated on before, and have always wished someone had told me sooner. However, now I feel like it isn't my place to intervene, since I don't know her personally.
If not reaching out to her, then how else can I make peace with this? I truly didn't know and carry this overwhelming guilt with me to this day. | I was unknowingly the other woman. Dude keeps reaching out. Should I tell his gf? #GuiltyFeminist |
t3_338zno | relationships | How to I [22F] approach a new roommate [24M] about ground rules for apartment cleanliness? | I'm moving in with someone I've never met before for the first time. We will be sharing a 2 bedroom basement suite with shared living area/bathroom/kitchen. We are both moving in starting May 1st, but I will only be subletting for the summer whereas he will remain living there into the Fall.
My problem (and I know its my problem) is that I'm a bit anal when it comes to tidiness/cleanliness. I can't cook or focus on work when I'm in a messy space, it makes me feel claustrophobic and stressed. I'm especially worried this will be an issue in the basement suite because its a bit dark/cramped and I'm used to living in a bigger, brighter apartment.
Is there a tactful way for me to approach him about keeping the suite clean/ making sure we both commit to cleaning up after ourselves or making a bathroom cleaning schedule (for example)? I don't want to come off as high-strung or controlling/rude. Or should I just let it be, hope he's clean and suck it up for four months?
If it matters, I am planning on getting coffee with him this week before we both move in to get to know each other a bit. I contacted him to initiate this meeting. | I'm a clean-freak crazy lady and scared my new roommate is going to be messy. How do I handle? |
t3_2207so | relationships | It's been a year of no contact and I still miss him | Long story short, I, 28f was in love with my ex-roommate, 29m. The feelings were there for quite awhile, even while we were living together... I know he also felt something even though we never formally talked about it. I considered he and I to be quite close.
We winded up sleeping together before he left to move overseas. I knew he was moving, but couldn't help myself. My feelings for him had gotten so strong I couldn't hold back any longer.
I tried to talk to him about it before he left but instead he left without saying goodbye, which was extremely hurtful, and it caused me a lot more pain than I had ever imagined. I winded up sending him an email fully explaining how I felt and he said he didn't mean to leave without saying goodbye, however he never said anything that acknowleded how I felt about him.
I have forgiven him now though it has taken me a long time. I've never felt so strongly about someone before and I thought I would be over it by now, but I still miss him and find myself thinking about him a lot.
We haven't talked or interacted at all in a year now. No likes on Facebook, no Snapchats, Tweets... nothing.
He's living overseas and I have been thinking about sending him an email to see how he's doing - a very casual email, and I'm very conflicted as to whether or not I should send it.
I don't understand why I can't let it go. It seems to go in cycles, where I miss him a lot, then I don't. I've tried everything... I've gone on trips overseas, focused on my career and other hobbies, made heaps of new friends, gone on dates with other guys, but in the end I wind up missing him and wishing he was there with me.
Has anyone else ever been in this situation? Do you think I should contact him even after how things ended? | Should I contact a guy I miss that lives overseas even though we haven't spoken or seen eachother in a year? |
t3_164p25 | running | First injury, I need some advice. | Hey, Runnit!
I'm going to start out by saying that I *know* I shouldn't get medical advice on the internet and to contact my doctor. However, I don't have medical insurance until February so I wanted to ask you guys who have been through this what may have happened and whether or not this is serious.
**Background:** I've been running since June and had worked up to about 4.5 mile runs. Then December came and I became very busy and the weather was never good so I stopped running for about two weeks. Friday of last week I finally mustered up the gumption to begin running again. I lengthened my previous route by stopping at the nearby high school and doing some sprints and lunges across the track, a combined four laps, and then took the longer way home. This all added up to about 6 miles, although I walked a bit of that time. Also I have really shitty Nike tennis shoes that are about 4 or 5 years old, and the road I was running on is sloped down on the left side (injured foot) this might have contributed to the injury.
**The Injury:** When I came back after my run I noticed my foot had a bit of pain in it. I thought nothing of it until the pain began to increase that night, and much more the next day. It only hurts when I walk on it. When I'm sitting down it feels perfectly fine. It has been about three days since my run and the pain is still at the same level. The pain feels like its on the metatarsal bone close to the outside of my left foot. I end up having to walk on my toes or the inside of my foot, but that is still painful.
Has anyone had this problem before? Is it serious enough to go to a doctor or should I just keep resting it? Pain doesn't bother me much but I'm afraid it might be a stress fracture or something more serious that I will mess up my foot if I don't go to a doctor. | Took a two week break from running regular 4.5 miles, ended up running 6 miles. Messed up my foot. |
t3_hoite | AskReddit | Chronic back pain - Please help | About a year and a half, maybe 2 years ago I started having back issues, mainly right between my shoulder blades. It basically feels like I my spine is not aligned properly and I can't help but fidgit around.
I stretch or bend and fidgit in an attempt to re-align it, when i do this it cracks, allowing me a few seconds of relief followed by an uncontrollable urge to try and crack it again.
It feels like I can't just sit back and relax anymore, it affects my sleeping, my gf is great about it, but it must be slightly annoying to have me fidgiting around all the time.
About me:
* I'm 25
* male
* active (snowboard 4x a week in the winter, golf/hike/freeweights in the summer)
* I work an office job so I spend alot of time infront of a computer
* I try to maintain good posture.
* I have been in a few car accidents, last one being 6 years ago
* I have landed very hard on my back while snowboarding a few times over the years
* I have funnel chest (indent in my sternum)
What I have tried so far:
* I have gone to the chiropractor countless times (the chiro definitly loosens me up but usually by the time I am back home I'm already fidgiting around with the feeling that my spine is not aligned properly)
* I do the stretches he has recommended
* I lay down on a tennis ball and roll around a bit to massage the tightened muscles
* I go for walks and swing my arms as suggested by my chiro (I'm sure it looks rediculous)
I feel as though I do have some alignment issues, but at this point almost feels like it I'm addicted to cracking my back, when I wake up in the morning it usually feels okay until I sit, then it begins.
If anyone has any advice to help me with this you would be my hero, it is driving me nuts | can't stop cracking my spine between my shoulder blades because because it feels like my spine is out of alignment and its hard to maintain good posture. |
t3_2l4fdj | relationships | Me [28 F] with my best friend [27 F] of 15 years; invited to her wedding out of pity | I just came back from meeting with her and I'm fuming, so I will be as coherent as I can. Throwaway account in use.
My best friend and I have been like sisters since high school. We are also both engaged. Both our weddings are far away, but there was no doubt in my mind that she was going to be my maid of honor and I was going to be hers, as we had talked about it several times over the years.
Cut to today when we had lunch. After some alcohol, she informed me that there was "not going to be room for me in her bridal party" but that I was "still invited to the event and it would still be a good time."
I'm crushed! I understand that it's her wedding and she needs to do what is going to make her happy, but that doesn't change the fact that I am deeply hurt that one of my oldest, closest friends doesn't consider me close enough to even make me a bridesmaid. Moreover, she made it sound like I was only invited to the wedding at all because she felt bad.
This is so out of left field that I feel like I need an explanation as to why she would cut me out this way, but I'm afraid of looking like a bitch who's trying to ruin her wedding or make her do something she doesn't want to do. | My best friend of fifteen years has decided not to include me in her bridal party and it sounds like she might not even want me at the wedding. Am I justified in asking her for an explanation? |
t3_3j408o | offmychest | I regret cutting a 'friend' out of my life because it means I am now alone. | I used to have a friend. The only one I could call a friend. Someone to hang out with and chill, do friend thing and all that nice stuff. This friend however, was not a friend. He made me feel like utter shit. He leaked any secrets I told him in front of people I didn't know as much and claim he did nothing wrong. He insulted my intelligence and my physical appearance, saying I wouldn't ever find someone to love me.
I first waved it all off as jokes. He was my friend, right? But after mental torture, and many confrontations asking him to tone it down as he was truly hurting me, I broke down. I realized he never considered ME as his friend, or at least, not a best friend. It all came crashing down last year at the end of October, when I asked him if we wanted to chill for my birthday, just go out and hang. He said no. **'in case someone better makes plans with me'** he said. That was on a Thursday, the last week of October. My birthday was on the weekend. I haven't spoken to him since. Almost a full year since the last word I spoke to him as a friend.
However, I am now friendless. Days pass and nights pass, and I am still alone. The soul retching comments about me have helped me regain sanity, but I am still depressed. Still alone. Still wanting to end every day I exist. I don't like being alone.
I feel like I made a mistake when I cut the only person I could consider a friend out of my life. I had a dream the other week where we were still friends. And I was happy. I was smiling. We were playing Smash Bros. together, like we always used to. Waking up to emptiness and loneliness after such a happy dream was heart breaking. I don't want to feel like this anymore, it seems any time I try to go outside and meet people, I am rejected. | cut ties with the only person who I considered a friend who fueled my depression. I regret it because I'm lonely. |
t3_ssk1u | AskReddit | Reddit, What Is Your Best/Worst "Foot In The Mouth" Story? | Mine was last night. I was having a terrible last few days, so a dear friend of mine took me out for sushi. The sake flowed and I finally started to relax, which, sometimes, gives me a terrible case of word vomit. So I'm ranting and raving, and somehow we get onto how completely hot Mike Nesmith of the Monkees was back in the day, along with Keith Moon of The Who. I said, "Man, if I had a time machine, I would go back, and put them in a room together. And, seeing as I don't think I'm their type, I'd totally dose them with this little thing called GHB because they totally don't know about date rape in the 60s. I mean, you know how that Sublime song goes, 'if it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid'."
She looks at me with a somewhat confused/horrified look on her face. Then it dawns on me - holy shit, this was my friend who had BEEN date raped and I'd just spent the last two years helping through it. I immediately began to apologize profusely. Luckily, she does have a dark sense of humor, so she wasn't *totally* offended and was appreciative that I at least caught myself and apologized. Though, of course, as I apologized, I felt like I was shoving my leg even further into my mouth. Oops. | Made really awful date rape joke to best friend who had been date raped. (yes I am aware that I am a total asshole.) |
t3_2cer41 | relationships | Me [24F] with my bf [23M] of few months, told me i'm his perfect girl and wants commitment, gets drunk and breaks up with me in a text out of the blue. What Gives? | So my bf and I have been together for only a few months, but the entire time he has been really keen on the idea of moving things forward, and he told me I am the kind of girl he wants to marry. I should also add I am a visitor to his country and in order for me to stay after 2015 we need to get a de facto visa (live together for a year, etc.) He brought this up after the first month or so and was very confident in doing it (yes, its fast but we had 6 months before we had to make the decision). He even brought up marriage if we couldn't go the de facto route, and repeatedly told me he used to be afraid of commitment but he wasn't at all with me and that I was his perfect girl. Everything about taking the next step was his idea, and he was so confident in it. It seemed a little fast to me, but his confidence was able to eventually win me over.
At the beginning he treated me like gold, I met his family and friends, and we spent lots of time together. But over the past week or so he became very sarcastic and saying rude comments towards me, but brushed them off as his personality. He still continued to talk about the plan he had concocted for my new visa and our relationship's future, and he told me every day that he loves me.
Then the other night he went out drinking with a friend and sends me a text message saying he wants to be alone and do his own thing, that he misses being able to do his own thing. He wouldn't speak to me on the phone, and every question I asked him was met with a completely rude one-or-two word answer. He said he wants to slow down and that he still loves me but it isn't enough. I still have not spoken to him in person. Why would he say he wants to slow down when everything about moving forward has been his own idea?? | bf tells me he wants to marry me and he isn't afraid of commitment with me, initiates all talk of moving relationship forward, then gets drunk and breaks up with me via text. Where did that come from?? |
t3_2zwq1c | relationships | I (23 M) am about to graduate from college in a few months, but never had a girlfriend. Should I still pursue one, anyway? | I'm an engineering major who is about to graduate from college, but never had a girlfriend. People have always said that the easiest time to find a spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend is during your college years, but since I've missed out on that, I feel like I've squandered a good opportunity, and that stigma is just going to linger over me for a while.
After realizing how little time I have left for college, I realized that I never fully got to take advantage of it. Some of my friends have gfs, and I always feel left out because of it. The problem is though, in the past it was hard for me to meet people. My course schedule the past few years made it hard to go to clubs, and my classes are generally male dominated. I've also tried talking with other people in my non-engineering classes, but never really had any luck. I had time and opportunities my freshman year, but I never pursued anything because of my own pickiness. My friends keep telling me to wait until after I graduate, but I feel that my lack of relationship experience is going to hurt my chances of pursuing one in the post-grad world.
Next quarter my course workload is going to decrease heavily and I am planning on attending and visiting numerous clubs to meet people so I can make use of my free time. However, I'm not sure if possibly of being in a relationship for only a few months is going to be worth it. Also, I may have to move to a different part of the state for work, which might scare some people off. | Feel like a failure for never having a girlfriend in college. Should I pursue one now in the limited time I have left, or wait? If I do wait, will my lack of experience hurt my chances? |
t3_2ovp9w | travel | Three weeks and four countries: Tips on SE Asia in January? | **Map and Itinerary [here](
Now I know that I have packed too much into the short period of time I have in SE Asia. This is more of a "city sampler" trip, we'll be back to get the true immersion.
I have never been to SE Asia and would like some tips on what to expect for our trip in January (4th-21st)
We are taking the train across Vietnam and it would be nice to know what to expect from anyone who has taken the train there before. Specifically - how did you get tickets? online or at the station? | Going to Yangon, KL, Bangkok, and taking the train through Vietnam; what pro tips do you guys have for my January trip? |
t3_1vm092 | dating_advice | [22M] Anxiety morning after meeting girls at a party or bar | Not sure if this is the place to post it or not, but I was wondering if anyone has similar experiences or can help me understand this emotion better.
I enjoy going out with friends and drinking (sometimes to excess). Sometimes my hangovers are accompanied by an almost crippling anxiety. It feels like butterflies in my stomach, my heart rate is elevated, I cant relax, and it feels like I cant take full breaths. After reflecting on my nights and actions Ive realized that there are two things that "cause" this:
1) I do really embarassing things, usually followed by blacking out. After realizing this I started drinking less and made sure to have control over myself. The anxiety occurred less often but still happened sometimes so this led me to realize the other thing.
2) I meet a girl and either don't get her number, or do something stupid to "scare her off", or another guy comes along who she becomes more interested in and runs off with. Basically, I meet a girl or go out with the intentions of meeting a girl and end up failing.
I'm sure this has something to do with personal insecurities. Part of me thinks the solution is to try and go out and meet girls and succeed which will resolve this anxiety, but part of me wants a better understanding of whats going on so that I can stop feeling like this whether or not I meet someone. I dont know, maybe this is a weird rant that makes no sense but any insight would be appreciated. | I experience bad anxiety the morning after I go out with the intention of meeting a girl and fail, or meet a girl and fail to get her number or do anything. Any advice? |
t3_o6lpz | BreakUps | I just want to get over it. But I don't... | Hello reddit. My 23 year old boyfriend and I (20, female) just split. We dated officially for nine months, but liked each other for about a year and a half. The relationship got to that point where we were constantly fighting and breaking up all the time, and he finally put an end to it.
The problem is, he put an end to it right when I fell in love with him. I'm heart broken. It's been a month, and it still hurts like it happened yesterday. I'm still a mess. I want to move on, but at the same time...I don't. I told him I wanted to be friends, honestly, probably out of a desperate plea to just have an excuse to talk to him and maybe have a chance of getting back together.
Does anybody else find themselves confused like this after a break up? What the hell do we do :( | bf and I split, as much as I know I need to move on, I choose not to - advice or do you relate? |
t3_2ujt9g | relationships | How do you break up with someone when they are wonderful and they have done nothing wrong? | I [25F] met this guy [22M] during the summer, and we started a wonderful relationship. He is the sweetest, most considerate and caring guy I have ever met in my life. We spent a beautiful summer together, and I have so many good memories with him. But he lives in Europe, and he had to go back home after summer. We've kept in contact almost every day, just text based (we both are a little shy, so no skyping).
But I am not very good with long distance relationships. I am a very physical person, and without that element, it just isn't working for me. We might be able to see each other in the summer for a few days, but other than that, it might be a year or more before we can see each other again. I just can't do that.
But I feel so bad about breaking up with him. He is so sweet, and I don't want to hurt him. This is the worst thing I have ever had to do, and I just need some advice on how to handle it. | My long distance relationship with an incredibly sweet guy isn't working, and I need advice on how to break up with him :/ |
t3_3iwm0b | relationships | Me [18 M] with my soon to be gf [18 F] seem to be going through some problems | So I like her and all that we have been on 2 dates and she told me she would be exclusive while were dating delete tinder etc even if were not dating..
so today I see her sc and shes messaging this guy who idk how she knows she says they have been child hood freinds and he just sends her stuff of his school etc. so I let it slide by I asked her to swear on her parents shes not interested in any other guys atm and she refused to swear and is now ignoring me... I can only think its because she has been lying the whole time she is chatting or interested in other guys (which I don't care I just want her to be honest) and now doesn't know what to do so shes ignoring me.
If she really wasnt she would swear no problem | Refuses to swear on her parents that she is not interested in other guys what other reason could it be other than shes lying |
t3_4vd4tu | relationships | My SO (27M) of seven years has not introduced me (24F) to his best friend (23F) but tends to stay in contact behind my back. | So we have been together for 7 years. Have met our old friends, made new friends of course, and basically we both have the same group of friends that we hang out with all the time. My SO has had a female friend that he considers his best friend and I've been ok with that since she barely comes around. The thing is I have never met her once in all this time that I've been with him. The most recent things that have happened are:
1. She has hung out with him at least twice in the past six months going to clubs or bars at night when I didn't feel like going.
2. They chat all the time on snapchat. (Apparently she is his best friend on snapchat as well)
3. I am currently 7m pregnant and really don't feel like going out to bars obviously, so he invites her to go instead of me.
4. She has called him (that I know of only once) on the middle of the nights drunk out her mind speaking non sense
Now I know there's no obvious cheating going on but I feel that something is off. She seems like a nice person to get to know. She boasts about being a promiscuous person or that guys are always trying to get with her on Facebook. Which I couldn't care less about, but knowing my SO is her best friend is kind of suspicious to me. | Boyfriend of 7 years has flirty female friend I've never met with and seems to be only interested in hanging out with him.What should I do? Should I confront her or him? Is this really worth being upset about? |
t3_20db1w | offmychest | I'm running away from this country | Yes, I fucked up 4 years ago when it all started. I was pressured by my parents and school counselor to "go to college no matter what" so I stupidly choose the lazy, online route. My parents were unwilling to help pay, so I took out student loans. Didn't research enough about private student loans (since I was denied government loans since my parent make too much to allow for assistance).
It was okay at first, then I had an infection from a motorcycle accident that put my in the hospital for 4 months. I defaulted because I can't pay the $200,000 in medical bills, which I've defaulted on so I could no longer get student loans due to terrible credit and lack of decent income. My credit is worthless, have a year left to finish a degree with no way to pay $4500 a semester and face over $300,000 in medical and student loan bills, while earning less than 20K/year.
At this point, I'm selling all my possessions, saving all the cash I can, and if/when debt collectors or wage garnishment come after me, I'm buying a 1 way ticket to somewhere in southeast Asia and try to work in a scuba shop. | I'm a dumb ass who's planning to run away to avoid all the financial and education fuckups I've made. |
t3_1zd27y | relationships | Me [26 M] and my girlfriend [23 F] have heated fights almost every week. | I've been reading a lot of reddit posts in this thread to try to see what advice people have on this matter and finally decided to make my own post to ask for help.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and we have really great times together when we're not arguing. We wish it would be like that all the time. The problem is, we tend to argue badly more and more and its really approaching the breaking limit. Its almost like a pendulum, swinging from good times rapidly to bad fights and back again. Almost every week now we will have a small misunderstanding which breaks out into a heated hour-long fight with poor communication. It could be over anything really, sometimes started by me sometimes started by her. Some common themes I see from our arguments are the poor listening skills (we cut each other off a lot), having too strong a stance on the side that we're arguing on, massive use of analogies we use to try to support our side, and the general frustration that slowly causes us to lash out more at each other when we're arguing.
The thing is we both realize the unnecessary and destructiveness of this afterwards, and when we make up we'll try to talk about our fight and how in the future we can handle a similar argument. We both really want to make more effort to work it out. However, I'm not sure just talking it out is going to make enough of a difference. I was thinking maybe turning to using more hands on actions or objects to help remind us better of our argument problems (i.e. get a small sand timer that we could use to give each other time to speak during arguments). I'm not sure if anybody uses some kind of system/objects during arguments but I would really appreciate any suggestions or advice! :) | gf and i have heated fights a lot. we both want to work on it and i'm trying to see if maybe being more hands on during our arguments would help |
t3_1mpvly | dating_advice | This is my story, give me hope. | Ok, I'm 30 and I have a long history with a 25 year old woman. We used to date, then we lived together. She has a daughter who also lived with us and called me her daddy.
Here's the rub. I had some major issues, psychological issues. I ultimately ended up cheating of this woman numerous times. Eventually she found out and they left me. Following that though we continued to see each other despite living apart.
Recently I got help and dealt with the things that caused me to be such a terrible person in the past.
More recently, she formally ended things with me and began dating someone else. For the last week I have been trying to win her back and went as far as to buy an engagement ring for her.
Last night she finally agreed to meet me and we did and I poured every single emotion I had left in me out for her to see. She now believes that if she were to marry me, I would remain faithful and committed to her for the rest of my life.
After talking for nearly three hours, I dropped her off. She said she wanted to kiss me but couldn't because she was still with the other guy. She said that she was seeing him Saturday and would decide by then, who she wants to be with. She admitted she does not love him.
Despite that, she remained committed that she hasn't decided who to pick.
So, I dropped her off and we shared a very long and passionate embrace. She went inside and I sat in my car for a moment to process what had happened. She texted me and said that I wasn't moving. I said I was waiting for her to come kiss me. She said she wanted to but couldn't, but would hug me if I met her in the driveway.
I walked into the driveway and she came out of the house crying. She ran to me, hugged me and kissed me. She told me she loved me. We hugged and kissed a few more times and then I had to let her go.
We are meant to be together and she is the love of my life.
Will she pick me? | Cheated on the love of my life, lost her to another man, tried to get her back, saw her last night and shared a moment that was worthy of being written into a movie. Will she pick me? |
t3_17dxxq | relationship_advice | [21/m] Lonely without GF of 1.5Y [21/f] | So my girlfriend of 1.5 years is away on an internship abroad this semester. I'm not one to get attached or clingy (I actually find it annoying), but I find myself really missing her and getting kinda depressed. If I don't Skype with her I feel seriously depressed that night. I hang out with my buddies and try to keep myself occupied but I can't get her out of my mind. I've never been like this before and I'm not sure how to deal with it. How can I avoid being an overly attached boyfriend and stay happy while she's gone? | Girlfriend of 1.5 years is gone on internship, I feel lonely without her despite best efforts, what do? |
t3_hqesm | cats | I've been wanting to build a cat tree, any advice/suggestions? anyone else ever DIY one of these? | I can't really afford (nor do I want to pay for) one of those big crazy cat trees for scratching, climbing, resting, etc. I was thinking of building my own after being inspired by this article I saw in a Lowes Hardware magazine. I'm wondering if anyone else has ever ventured down this road. I have VERY HIGH ceilings in my apartment so I can build it up pretty high. I was thinking of maybe even doing a cat walk up higher so she can wander around once she's up there. I'm not sure how to execute this safely or what I'm really doing. I do know I'll need liquid nails, concrete (not actual concrete, it's just used with it) tubing, carpet samples, I figure string and misc. toys, maybe some boxes and other things. Am I missing anything? Do you have tips? Pictures of your own creations? I know she'll use it too since this pass weekend in MD visiting my mom she climbed a tree almost 3 stories off the ground. | Looking for any tips/suggestions on building a cat tower with a possible cat walk. Pictures of any you built yourself would be awesome too. Thanks!!! |
t3_44wq51 | relationships | Unsure about whether my crush [19F] is trying to tell me [18M] something by sitting with an attractive person [??M] in class or not | So this is my first post on this sub. I'm a socially awkward bloke who has had the same crush since about August of last year. I've never really had a serious relationship, unless you count this long-distance Skype thing I had a while back in high school, so I'm pretty much clueless on how a real relationship works, how to make someone warm up to you, how to drop subtle hints, etcetera.
Anyways, this girl used to sit with me until as early as the last week of January, since she switched places and now sits with this handsome guy in our math class with whom she seems to interact smoothly and nicely as opposed to how things tend to go when I approach her (awkward long pauses, confusing body language, boring/pointless conversation topics, etcetera.)
Usually, I wouldn't mind this, but they usually sit in spots that are generally close to me and they just use all of these fist bumps and silly jokes, to the point it worries me about whether this is just a coincidence, or if she's trying to send me some sort of message through all their banter. | My crush usally sits with me in class but she switched spots and is now sitting with a more attractive guy who has more chemistry with her than I do and I'm unsure about whether she's trying to drop a hint or not. |
t3_272cj3 | relationships | I [25 M] am trying to start from scratch. What are relationships really like? | **Background:** My parents (inadvertently I hope) restricted development of my social skills. We never discussed social skills, drinking, drugs, relationships or sex. The Talk: Sex is embarassing. Don't do it until you can afford children. My parents act pretty much like roommates that just happen to be married. That's what I thought romantic relationships were like until recently.
I've made very few friendships after age 14. I know I was a bad friend. No relationship experience/knowledge and have never socialized with girls. A hug at 14 is the closest I've gotten to a sexual experience. Developed social anxiety along the way (likely avoidant).
**Discovering Reddit:** I guess it's been about a year now. This was a huge wake up call for me. I started my improvement: lost about 60lbs, clothes, hair, new sport, joined a few clubs, read a few self help books etc. Basically, the low hanging fruit. But saw little improvement.
I was shocked at how wrong I perceived relationships and at how much I've missed out on in the last 10 years. I didn't know people commonly had sex in high school or that it was a major part of a typical relationship. I am not sure if I would have handled discovering that information too well while trying to date. So you probably save a few girls major headaches, thanks Reddit :)
**Now:** Reddit has convinced my to seek professional help for my anxiety. I was started on an SSRI and have had 6 sessions so far. So we've kinda got an idea of what is going on. I now realize how long this road back really will be.
I have been struggling to set realistic goals, which is why I am here. I am still confused about romantic relationships and their benefits. What are the different style/types like? Expected behaviors or social norms for both parties? I am really looking an overview possibilities for some context.
So I'd love anything you've got. Book suggests, previous posts, personal experiences, advice etc. Thanks | Just started treatment for social anxiety. Underdeveloped social skills with no relationship experience/knowledge. What are the possibilities when it comes to romantic relationships? What can read or watch to get a proper of understanding of what relationships can be? |
t3_1r9zwr | relationships | Me [19F] and my recent ex [19M] dated for 8 months, need relationship advice! | My boyfriend and I recently split. This was because he wasn't sure how he was feeling anymore. He has told me he still has feelings for me but he has to get past the negative feelings toward me.
I still really like him and really would like to date again. I know where I made my mistakes and I will know never to make them again.
How can I help him get past these negative feelings?
Will he just get over me in the process?
Is there anything I can do to make him feel the way we used to? | I miss my recent ex, and he still has feelings for me, I want to know what I can do to help move forward in our relationship! |
t3_2497fh | relationship_advice | [18/m] I'd like some advice on how to give a relationship a "push" | Hi
I've never been in a romantic relationship before. I though that I would start with that because I wasn't sure where else to start. I have a close group of friends and we get along great. Recently I have started University and have been out on the town twice. Both of these times were with the same group of people. Within this group is the girl that I would like some advice on. The first time we hung we chatted briefly but one of the guys in the group (her brother) had been drinking heavily and was feeling rather ill so she spent most of the night caring for him.
The second time we went out her brother hadn't come along and she seemed lonely as we moved pubs. I moved away from the guys I was talking with and engaged her in polite conversation. We chatted amiably for most of the night but we were cut short after her ride home almost ditched her and she had to leave abruptly. I left the group just after that and was texting with one of my friends in the group when she told me that she had given my number to the girl. Shortly after I received a text from her and we chatted for about an hour via text mainly about our first experiences with alcohol (we are both light drinkers). She arrived home and said she was going to go to sleep but made me promise her that I would send her a message when I got home so she'd know that I was ok. When i got home I sent said message and fell asleep.
The next day I was woken by a text from her. We chatted for most of the day via text. The weekend ended and Uni started back up and we have been texting for the past few days.
So far it was only been small talk but I would really like to "push" the relationship on to the next level (dating). Because I have no relationship experience I would like some advice on how I can achieve this "push".
Thank you in advance for any advice that you can give. I have work tonight so I will be away for a few hours after posting this but I will try and thank anyone who replies when I get back. | Met a girl while out with a group, have been texting for a few days, want to "push" the relationship to the next level (dating) |
t3_zielu | AskReddit | Do you think white girls who only date black guys are racist? | In the course of my life, I've met numerous *girls* who claim to only date black guys. They'll often justify their selectivity by saying things like: **"I just find black guys more attractive"** or "black guys make better lovers" and so on and so on. On the surface level, these girls might seem to not be racist at all--they've consciously chosen to seek out an **interracial relationship**. However, it seems suspect to me. They clearly attach *certain sexual characteristics to black guys* that they don't attach to white guys, thereby showing that they differentiate people's bodies and personal constitution based on race. In a sense, they've *fetishized black guys* in a way, sexualizing them and exoticizing them. This question has been boggling my mind, and so I thought I'd fish for some answers.
Furthermore, this leads me to wonder: **Are people who only date one race racist?** Should white people be justified only dating other white people? Can you justify this based on "cultural sameness"? | Do you think white girls who only date black guys are dating black guys because they hold racist presumptions about black males? |
t3_1l0z21 | AskReddit | Redditors, I need help. What's a legal way for a 15 year old to make about $200 in a schoolweek. | Recently I cut up my leg very bad and got in a verbal fight with my brother. His response was to slap my scab as hard as possible ten run to his room. I limped after him and he slammed the door shut just as I entered the doorway. I put a hole in his door and have to pay to fix it before we paint his room in a week. It will cost around $200 and I need some creative yet efficient ways to come up with the money. I currently have about $15.
Please leave a suggestion rather than an upvote. All answers welcome. Thank you for your time. | I made a dumb decision and accidentally broke my brothers door and need $200 fast. I'm also 15. Willing to work hard, but school starts in 2 days. |
t3_3pewgu | relationships | My [28/M] girlfriend [25/F] has freaked out thinking about relationship with my ex. | My girlfriend is amazing. We've been together over a year and we know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together and have openly spoke about plans to do so. She is from overseas and I am open to the idea of moving back to her home country. For the couple of years or so she wants to stay in my country.
We got on to the topic of holidays and places to go, and that's when the mood turned sour. We spoke about a place that she knows my ex and I travelled too, and my girlfriend just closed up and has been pretty much silent for the last 24 hours. I've reassured her that it was all in the past, all decisions have brought us together and that it's just about our future together. She said that she needs some time to breath.
Ladies of Reddit; what can a guy do best in this situation? I want to give her the space that she needs, but I don't want to go radio silent and seem like I don't care. | My girlfriend started thinking about my relationship with my ex, and has gone radio silent freaking out. What can a guy do? |
t3_4lcwks | legaladvice | [FL] 7 year old accused of inappropriate touching | So, I'm posting from a throwaway for obvious reasons here. I got a call from my son's school today saying that a student and two witnesses are saying my son (7 and in 1st grade) inappropriately touched another student while playing around with a game they made up called shoe tag (they were sitting on the floor and trying to tag each other in the shoe). According to the assistant principal he denied any "private part" touching but admitted to the tag. I have been asked to talk to my son over the weekend and meet with him on Tuesday.
When I asked my son what happened today he replied that he got in trouble at school for playing shoe tag. This matches exactly what he told the AP. He didn't seem upset or bothered by it (they didn't treat him as if he's in a lot of trouble so he didn't think he needed to be upset) so I asked if he was sure that he just tagged his friend's shoe and asked if he could have accidentally touched him anywhere else. He told me his hand only touched shoe. When I pushed further to bring it to touching in the "private parts" he as adamant that the only touched a shoe.
So the full story that I was finally able to glean is that the other kid sat with his knees on the floor and his butt on his shoes in order to win. My son, being the one to not lose and with some impulse control issues, decided to get his shoes by throwing his arm between his legs. He never grabbed anything but the shoes but I think that his arm hit the other kid which is where I think the inappropriate touch came in to play. There was zero intent and it was 100% accidental, if it happened.
I'm freaked out that we're going to be in a lot of trouble. My kid is ADHD and on an IEP with the school for reading and behavioral issues associated with his ADHD/impulse control issues. He really didn't understand he did anything wrong because he didn't hit/hurt anyone. He sees a counselor and is on medication for his ADHD.
I'm freaking out worrying about what's going to happen and if I need to bring a lawyer with me on Tuesday. Any advice would be appreciated. | ADHD 7 year old with IEP accused of touching a kid's junk. Accidental touching *might* have happened. Am I in big trouble? |
t3_hbgjn | AskReddit | Hey all psychology or sociology majors! What accounts for the characteristic differences in siblings, provided that they were all raised by the same parents? | Yes, I know that there are many external factors on this subject matter, but this has always amazed me. For instance, my siblings and I (me, my brother, and my sister) are all very different. My mother is somewhat strict - not over-bearing, but not easily persuaded either - and we were given a good rearing by our parents. Interestingly, my brother is the black sheep, but such a black sheep that we wonder "what went wrong." And we don't mean to sound pretentious when we say that; it just so happens that he achieves worse grades in school and is not nearly as kind or good-hearted. While friends, media, etc. are all variables, assuming that our parents raised us for 6-8 years before we were even influenced by these factors, how could we all become so different? Sorry this is so long, but I've always wondered! | My siblings and I are very different, though my parents gave us a good rearing as individuals. How does this happen? |
t3_e8bhg | self | just had the most awkward experience with my boss... | today at work, my boss came by my desk and asked me to come to his office. i immediately thought i was in trouble. i was wrong, but it didn't stop it from being the most awkward situation i've ever experienced at work.
boss: "have you ever heard of the trans-siberian orchestra?"
me: "oh, yeah that crazy metal band or w/e that does christmas songs?"
boss: "lol, yeah! do you want two tickets to their show at 4 today?"
now far be it from me to turn down free concert tickets, but it's been a long week and i didn't feel much like trekking 50 miles to see a band i've honestly never heard.
me: "oh man, i can't i'm going to be in [city 40 miles from where i live]
boss: "O,RLY? that's where the concert is!"
me: "heh, uhm.. well i would but i gotta pick up my girlfriend at the airport at six" (i got married 3 months ago, i'm wearing my ring)
boss: "oh okay... well ... ya sure you couldn't find someone else to go?"
me: "ya..well..uh i guess i could"
...
...
...
me: "so if i dont take them, will they just go to waste?"
boss: "no, i'll find someone else"
me: "oh, ok you should probably do that then"
at this point, i walked out went back to my desk and started pounding my head on my desk. he knew i was lying and i felt terrible afterwards. but i was thinking, what else could i have done? would it have been rude to straight up turn down the tickets? i guess it would have been a lot better than what actually happened | my boss offered me tickets to trans-siberian orchestra. i didn't want to say no and made an ass out of myself instead. |
t3_3anvyh | Advice | Do I prioritise my career or happiness when choosing a job? | I have been offered two jobs. One is in Washington, D.C. and will be a stepping stone in my career. It's with a really top firm in my industry and pays pretty well too. The other job is in Chicago, which I know I will be happier living in, however, this job is not with as such a prestigious company but is the same position and roughly the same salary. I have never been to D.C. more than once and liked it when I visited but I can't see myself living there.
I come from a small city in the Great Plains and I am more comfortable with the Midwest lifestyle. I can definitely see myself working in Chicago and enjoying life there but not in D.C. | Do I take a job at a prestigious firm in a city I don't think I will like living in or take a job at a less prestigious firm (same position) in a city I know I like? |
t3_121vdn | AskReddit | Reddit, I would like some career advice. I have a little over a year experience, yet I am not really happy with my job, even though it is good experience and pays well for my age. | I work in the oil and gas industry as an engineer. When I started work about a year ago, I worked for a small-medium sized company that was going through new management. As a recent college grad, it didn't take me long to realize that my company was very disorganized and not doing much in terms of developing me as a competent engineer. However, I also realize that there is an element of pro-activity that is required on my part. But, when you don't know what to do, and which questions to ask, and people don't seem to give you the answer you are looking for, what do you do?
Well my company gets bought out by an much larger company in the same market niche and I was very glad, however I am still under the same bosses and I feel like I am going no where and that I am falling way behind for someone with my experience level.
I don't know if I am falling into the "grass is always greener"mode of thought or if in reality I am actually falling behind. I worry that I am being impatient and so that's the only reason why I haven't really addressed this issue as much with my managers.
So Reddit, from your experience, what do you think I should do? | Not happy with the way "good" job is progressing, can't tell if I am being impatient or if my job environment is not actually conducive to my career. |
t3_3xy44s | askwomenadvice | Should I ask a girl out from high school? | I'm in my sophomore year of college (20 m) and it's been two years since I've seen her in high school. We had english together senior year and I would occasionally talk to her. I don't think she ever had feelings for me and she currently goes to a college in the east side of the USA and we went to school in Cali together. I was wondering if I sent her an facebook message (we are fb friends) something along the lines of
"Hey XXX. I've always believed that you were very pretty and would like to get to know you better. If you aren't interested, all that I ask for is the reason why, so that I can improve myself. I'm sorry I couldn't have asked this rather personal question in person and wish you the best of luck in life or with you current relationship. "
would be creepy?
I currently go to a community college and am a CS major so there's not a lot of girls and a few of them are quite a bit older than me, which is probably why I still like her. Also if race for some reason plays a factor, I am Chinese/Taiwanese (don't care which you call me) and she is Korean.
The reasons why I am attracted to her is because I believe she is quite hard working, very pretty/beautiful, and quite tall. Like I said, I believe she is hard working so I would like to know her better to see if it is true (at least imo). I definitely think she is pretty and she's around 5'7, which is a good thing for me because I'm 6'2.
I am not afraid of being rejected, in fact it is fine for me. I'm just scared that she'll think I'm a creep and the aftermath that comes with it. If she's in a relationship, I respect that and I would immediately stop pursuing. I ask for a reason why she wouldn't go out with me because I like to improve (probably because I'm a CS major), which is why I'm completely fine with being rejected as long as I get a reason. | Want to ask a girl from hs out, but I am two years removed from same high school and want to send a fb message to her (are fb friends). Will I be considered a creep? |
t3_3ysl43 | relationships | My boyfriend (20M) wants to try making friends this semester. How can I support him? | My boyfriend and I have been dating a couple years. We go to the same college and keep to ourselves almost exclusively. My boyfriend told me the other day that he wanted to start making friends. I suggested joining clubs, but he wasn't interested in any of them. Additionally, I decided to spend less time with him next semester to give him the space he needs to make friends. If I leave him alone during the week, and only come by on the weekends (not all day), would that be a good amount of time away? Is there anything else I can do to help him make friends? I really want him to be happy.
I'm not really interested in making friends myself, so couple friends aren't really going to happen. There aren't a lot of people in long term relationships around us anyway.
I should mention that my boyfriend doesn't have the best social skills. Is there a way to suggest things without nagging? | My boyfriend wants to try making friends next semester, and I want to know if spending less time with him and offering advice will help. |
t3_4owfzu | relationships | I've been [19 M] Falling for my [19 M] Friend for the past 6 months | The first paragraph will be used to explain who I am, who this person is and what they mean to me. I will mention some sexual references, be aware.
I am bamintheram, 19 years old, and I consider myself bisexual. However, I am particularly particular with my type of guy. Usually petite and overall a cute appearance. I'm in my current relationship with my girlfriend for the past 2 years but she does not know I am bi. Grant Howe has been my friend since grade 10 and I always fancied him. He always seemed to like me because he was very touchy with me, and loves to get right in my face. Grant Howe is known to be a womanizer; he has yet to have a sustaining relationship. Because of this, I always thought he swung for both sides. In addition, he is very private. He even deletes all of his text messages. He is funny, adorable, athletic; i.e. he fits my bill. It wasn't until recently that I really took a liking to him. I started to notice small things about him that I really started to enjoy. I noticed his eyes, his nose, even his legs. I will admit that I pleasured myself to his image plenty of times in that last six months.
I have considered bringing him up to my girlfriend or even discussing it with him, but I was too afraid. Recently, he broke up with his first girlfriend (that lasted one week). I wanted to support him and get him to open up to me. I wanted him to trust me. He shot me down. He told me not to get offended and to realize that he has been burned in the past. I wanted to tell him then and there that I loved him but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want him to reject me, I don't want him to be uncomfortable, I don't want him to feel awkward in our group hangout. I can't stop thinking about him. I am hurting on the inside.
In essence, I want to know what can be done. I want to just squeeze him and call him mine. I want him to share his past with me. I want him. | I fell in love with my long-time friend, and I want to tell him. How do I do it? |
t3_13ho9q | dating_advice | [21/m] Took a [22/f] out. Trying to figure out what I did wrong. | Just got back from a date that didn't go that well and I'm trying to figure out what went wrong. We met a few days ago and started talking online and the banter seemed good. I asked her out and we got dinner and made small talk. We seem to be similar in a lot of ways and agree on the same subjects so the conversation was OK. Afterwards we went on a walk around the lake. We kept bumping our arms into each other but I couldn't tell if this was intentional or not, and at one point we stopped and sat for a while. I wanted to break the touch barrier and maybe get closer physically but I couldn't bring myself to do it, or she wasn't really open to it. After that we kept walking and I wanted to ask deeper questions about herself but we just kept making small talk. I couldn't think of anything good to ask. Afterwards we looked for the right bus stop so I could get home, and when we got there I figured if I went for a kiss things might be OK but then she just hugged me and took off.
She never really seemed put off by me, but at the same time I feel like I should have escalated things (being flirtier, touching her more, etc.). There was definitely lots of common ground that I could have built off of. Or maybe we get along but are just not compatible romantically and she is just not attracted to my physically. I'm not really in such a great mood, I was looking forward to this and thought it would go well but I feel like I let myself and her down. It doesn't help that I have hardly any experience with women so I wanted advice from people who are better at this than I am. Should I ask for another date or try to move on? | Mixed feelings after date. Probably missed a few opportunities to know each other better or break the touch barrier. Worth another try? |
t3_s57nt | AskReddit | I just "coincidentally" ended up in the same place as this cute boy I'd seen on the bus a few times. Working up all my confidence, I started a conversation with him. He shot me down because he's in the 11th grade. What are your most memorable socially awesome/awkward moments? | Seriously, we made some eye contact a few times on a bus trip, and I thought he was cute, so I timed my trip home from the gym today, hoping to run into him again. Feeling that I was on the right side of the line between confident and creepy, I got off at the same stop as him (totally opposite direction I needed) and walked up to him making some excuse about needing directions. I asked him his name, and where he was headed. It was the most awkward conversation I've ever had. I was nervous as hell, and he looked terrified of me. I did realize once we started talking that he was a lot younger than I thought, but when he told me he was in the 11th grade I almost died of embarrassment. Being ridiculously awkward myself, and totally out of my element hitting on guys, I still asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime. He took a few minutes to answer, and was finally like "I don't think I can." I was like "ok! But this is the direction I need?" and walked away. To clarify, I'm in my mid-twenties. | Went from confident trying to start a conversation with a cute guy, to a creeper traumatizing a poor innocent high school boy. |
t3_3vj0gj | AskDocs | I have very, very odd problem. There are hairs growing out from directly inside the center of belly button. Also have strange hair growing from bumps inside belly button. Please help! I am extremely confused! Could this be dangerous? | Age: 21
Sex: Male
Height: 6 feet
Weight: 170
Race: Caucasian
Ok... so for some reason....I decided to look at the inside of my belly button for the first time in years. I pulled some lint out from the long day (I know, gross) and took a gander.....to my surprise I have a strand of hairs growing from inside the exact, very center of my belly button...and above the center there is a small bump, with odd looking pale hairs growing from inside it. Kind of looks like a bug or something....like the videos of bot fly larvae you see on youtube...but its definitely hair.
Anyways these have me really perplexed as I'm scared to pull on the center ones to see where they go. I really cannot find any concrete answers on google...besides that it is quite uncommon and could lead to an infection or lead to your stomach cavity or something. Apparently its from your umbilical...spot healing incorrectly, allowing dirt and grease to get inside. So now I'm kind of freaked out. ANY advice at all would be helpful.
What would happen if I pulled them out?
Does this mean there might be a pathway most people dont have to my insides?
How dangerous could this potentially be?
I don't have health insurance till early next year, so Im going to have to wait. Im going in for a physical anyways so I'll get it checked out. But now I am a little worried, but more perplexed then anything, thank you if anyone has any explanation! I can post pictures if needed! | I have hair growing from the center of my bellybutton. And another patch growing from a bump above the center. What is this? How dangerous could it potentially be? |
t3_3atx2j | loseit | New here, just starting the journey...again! | I apologize in advance for the lengthy text! Hi, reddit noob who is just starting off on this journey. I had lost 30 pounds between February and September of last year. I still had more I wanted to lose, but was on my way. I tracked my calories and weighed my food. I had one cheat day but any other day if I went over, I would exercise however long I needed to to stay within my calories. This year, however, has been particularly difficult. I wound up divorced, losing friends and making the difficult decision that the best place for my child to live is with my ex. I'm hopefully heading toward a better time in my life, unexpectedly found myself falling for someone and am cautiously optimistic. Unfortunately, the culmination of the emotional roller coaster led me to gain back a good chunk of what I'd lost. My self-esteem is pretty poor right now and living alone hasn't done me any favors curbing that emotional eating either. I feel like I know what I need to do, I just need a lot of support to get there. My ultimate goal is about 50 pounds. This would put me well within the BMI range for my gender, height, age. Hoping this is the place to get what I need to lose the weight! | lost weight, gained a lot back going through a divorce and living alone. Goal is 50 pounds, looking for a support network and advice |
t3_2bim0b | relationship_advice | I 26m, caught my SO 27f in a serious lie, but did so by going through her phone | I 26m have been with my gf 27f for about a year now. I don't think I can trust her. When we first started dating, she said she was on BC but then told me that her body works like BC and she doesn't need BC due to a medical condition. I asked her to get on it and she did. I've noticed, however, she's not great at taking it every day. I feel like I can't trust her to take it.
Fast forward to last weekend. I go out of town and she goes out with her roommate. She ends up doing cocaine, but neglects to tell me this when she recaps her weekend. I wouldn't normally care, but she went about 6 months with almost daily use a couple of years ago, but tapered off significantly about a year before we met. She'd still do it on occasion, but nothing like day long benders or anything. I expressed my concern for her because I knew her past and she immediately promised me she'd stop doing it again and it wasn't worth it and it's not fun anymore..the whole 9. I tell her that's a bit much to promise something like that, but she insists. I found out this information because I went through her phone. I had a feeling she wasn't being honest and used that as justification to go through her phone. I found exactly what I expected by reading texts between her and her roommate. It was even more weird because the guy she got the cocaine from was calling her babe, and I think even said goodnight love the night after they met up.
I don't know what to do. I showed a complete lack of trust by going through her phone, but she also lied about what she's been up to. I don't trust that that was the first time she's done it since promising me she wouldn't due to what she said in the texts. I took pictures of the texts that prove her guilt, but also prove mine. Any advice would be great. | went through gf's phone, found she lied to me, but I'm also guilty of going through her phone. |
t3_11lp1q | loseit | Is hitting a plateau a good time for change? | I'm 22, female, 5'4" and currently weighing in at 176 lbs. I've put 15 off in the last month or so, but I've definitely slowed down over the last two weeks. I started changing my diet by cutting out as much fat as possible, (and trying to make the fats I consume healthy fats like avocado, almond, olive oil, etc). I've been sort of paying attention to carbs- I've basically cut out breads, (except Arnold's sandwich thins), noodles and potatoes. I guess it's also important to note that my exercise is usually at least an hour of cardio four days a week, and then three days at work, (which consists of being on my feet and walking around for eight hours, with some decently heavy lifting at times).
I'm wondering if this plateau is a good time to start really cracking down on portion control? I've been trying to reduce my caloric intake, (which was at about 1500/day) to the 1000-1200/day range, but I'm finding myself hungry at random times throughout the day.
Which leads to my next set of questions- is there a decent way to go about this? I've been drinking lots of water and coffee to deal with the hunger pangs, assuming that this way my body will learn to cope with having less food, and readjust to not being fed every time it's hungry. (I'm studying literature, so I apologize if I'm botching science and nutrition, it all seems like fairy tales to me!) There is a small part of me that worries I'm hurting myself by doing this, because some days I'm coming in under my calorie goal *and* exercising my normal 60-minutes on top of this.
Also, is a food scale *that* essential? I'm having an inner battle with myself because I want to work on portion control but don't want to spend money. =/ | I'm trying to figure out the best way to go about portion controlling and I'm afraid my current method is leaving me under my calorie count/doing more harm than good. |
t3_3welnk | personalfinance | Build a house now or build bigger savings? | I need some advice because I can't seem to think this through on my own and don't want to make a mistake that I'll regret later.
My fiancé and I want to build a custom home for our two future children and us to live in. It has been a dream of mine since I was a kid to be a part of building my forever home from start to finish and she is 100% on board. We are pre-approved for $350k which (in Texas) is enough to get exactly what we want. Right now rates are still low so the monthly mortgage is comfortable on our current salaries. There are a few scenarios that I see playing out that I need help thinking through.
We could stay in our current house for 4-5 years and save up money while getting through our kid's baby stages (day care is expensive for babies). Our current mortgage is about half of what the new house will be. So that equates to about $1250 a month extra going into savings while still being able to afford kid care, insurance increase, savings, retirement, ect.
Or we could go ahead and start the build process now while rates are low and the house we want is affordable. We will still be able to afford everything, just $1250 less a month into savings as it will be going to the mortgage instead. In the 3 months that we have been talking about it new home rates have already increased once upping the price of the house we want by 12k. So I imagine this trend will continue and our home will be out of our price range within a year.
So which scenario is better financially. Save more monthly but risk interest rates rising and home cost increasing exponentially. Or buy a house now while we can and not put as much into liquid savings.
This is a long post that I tried to condense, did I leave out any critical info that you need/want to help me think things through? | Should I build custom now while rates are low and the house I want is affordable or put extra money into savings for a few years and hope rates/prices are ok? |
t3_4rmlc4 | relationships | I [33/F] finally divorced my emotionally abusive husband [35/M] of 14 years. Where do I go from here? | It's been a long journey, more than a year. But with the help from some really great friends, and a lot of support from family and friends, I was able to recognize that I was in an abusive relationship, and was able to muster the strength to leave it.
Six months ago I took the first step, I moved out, and filed for divorce. It was finalized less than 2 months ago, but just because the signature is on the paper, doesn't make everything better. I know I still have a long road of healing ahead of me. And there are days, but mostly nights, where I wonder if I made the right decision. But then I get a call or text from him, or run into him in public and am reaffirmed that I made the right decision. My children will have a better future because I made the right, yet difficult, decision.
But I'm not sure where I go from here. | Divorce is final, and although it's hard some days, I know I made the right decision. But where do I go from here? |
t3_1r6g4m | relationships | Me [20 M] with my GF [20 F] 1 1/2 years, told a guy that I was her brother, and that she lives with her parents, not me | I'm not quite sure how to do this, never had this sort of problem before, so here it goes I guess.
Me and my GF play a lot of video games together, and met a lot of mutual friends through said video games. She became close with one of the friends, M, but I didn't pursue a friendship because I had a lot of stuff going on, and really never had time to chat.
She skyped with him and messaged him for a few weeks, which is totally cool, more power to her, thats not what I was worried about. The problem was that when I added him on skype to eventually talk to him, he mentioned that he didn't know that she had a boyfriend, and that she said the guy walking behind her in the frame was her brother, and that she lives with her parents, but she lives with me in this apartment full time, and she is even on the lease.
He also mentioned a trip he was making in a few weeks (he lives in Canada, and we live in the mid west), to San Jose, and invited her, and apparently she was going to go, but mentioned absolutely nothing to me at all.
I guess my question is, what do I do?? I've never been in this situation before, so I'm kind of clueless. I obviously need to talk to her about it, but I'm not sure how to approach it. She is at work right now, and will be home in about 4 hours.
I feel betrayed. | She told a guy that I was her brother, didn't live with me, and was going to go on a trip with him without telling me at all. |
t3_47bhv1 | relationships | Me [18 F] with my Boyfriend [18 M] 2 years, Is birth control ruining us? | I had gotten on birth control about a month ago now, sometime mid-late January. My boyfriend and I had a great relationship, we had sex almost daily, we would talk for hours, hell we couldnt leave eachother. We were certain this was it, there was something telling both of us. Then i decided to go onto hormonal birth control. 2-4 days after starting, everything went downhill. I lost all want for sex, i was always dry, i didnt even want him touching me. I would always get so mad at him. I would get random moments where i felt like crying. Then the doubts came.. Maybe we arent meant to be, i dont need this stress, we arent going to work i need sex. So i broke up with him. I still love him and theres part of me that wants him so bad, I was so happy with him. But this feeling that we arent meant to be has taken over. A day after the break up, my boyfriend texted me and asked if i would get off BC to see if it makes a change. I noticed my depression has decreased and my headaches arent as bad. It has been 2 weeks since I have taken it out and i only was on it for 2-3 weeks. We on a date i guess you could call it, even though were broken up. And he held my hand. It felt wrong, that feeling had taken over again. But then I got sad, i wanted to cry. I started thinking how can I go from where we were to this, no feelings at all for him so fast. So with the lump in my throat I hurried and cuddled him, i was almost completely wrapped around him. And i felt secure, i felt like i was being comforted. Could it be that its the birth control doing all of this to me? Ive seen articles online saying this can happen. I just want to know when we will go back to normal, I really do love him. | Got on birth control, started having doubts about the relationship, relationship died. Could it be the Birth Control making me feel this way?? |
t3_3u6780 | relationships | I'm (24M) trying to maintain a friendship with my recent ex (25F), am I overstepping my bounds? Should I just stop all contact? | I had met her at work when I had just started in the spring. We worked together throughout the summer, were almost always together when we weren't at work. Although some times it was complicated as I had an apartment near my university, my dog lived with my parents, and she lived with her mom in a different city altogether (although travel between either location was less than 30 minutes).
As the summer ended I was forced to reduce my hours at the restaurant, meaning I was seeing her less. With her work schedule and my school, it was becoming a weekend only relationship unless either of us sacrificed sleep to make the trip across town. I was willing to accommodate this, but she insisted that I focus on my schoolwork. She finally broke up with me after I noted that she was becoming distant: unanswered texts, disinterest in anything I was saying/doing. She said it wasn't anything I was doing wrong, but that she was feeling rushed and didn't see the relationship going anywhere. I was insanely heartbroken. I didn't go to class the next few days, had no appetite, started to drink more and shut myself in; standard things that came after a break up. I wanted to work things out and talk to her about it, but she wasn't interested in talking or fixing anything. She told me that she'd be there **as a friend** when I wanted to talk with her. I let things settle for a few weeks. I contacted her recently (3 weeks post breakup). I let her know that I had no intention of having the relationship-talk again; that I just wanted to chat for a bit. However she still shut me out.
I'm not stupid, I know that there is no chance to save the relationship that we had, but I'd still like to be friends. Contrary to what shes said be before, this isn't happening. | Ex-girlfriend stated she would like to be friends post-breakup but isn't responding to anything. Am I doing something wrong? Am I simply not catching the hint and should just move on? |
t3_13zl8x | relationships | Been with my bf (22) for two years and he's about to graduate. He admits sometimes he feel he should have dated around but says his feelings is stronger to be with me (22). Anyone guys wanna enlighten me? | So 22f/22m. We started dating in the middle of college and have been together for two years.
I graduated already but going back to school next fall. He's graduating this year.
We broke up before because he felt tied down and we were in different places since I graduated. He still feels sometimes this way. Does it ever go away? Or is it college?
Since I got back together with him, I still wonder and cant fully trust him. He admitted he sometimes wished he played the field more BUT loves me so he won't give up on me. He's faithful and honest (too honest sometimes). Yet, he works closely with some girls and is sometimes attracted and wonder about them. | Boyfriend seems to miss dating/hook up with women but chooses me because he loves me. Natural? What to do reddit? |
t3_3xkn4h | relationships | My [21 F] long distance partner [23 M] and I rarely speak on the phone or video, am I asking too much? | My partner and I have only met in person a few times, but for the moment have to remain long distance because he is planning on moving to where I am for good. He's 23, and I'm 21 and we've been together for around a year now. We used to talk on the phone every second or third night, and cam maybe every few weeks. I guess it's never been insanely frequent with video chatting because of life just getting in the way.
However, he seems to be working all the time now (he works from home), because he's really determined to get here. I think it's really wonderful, but now we rarely talk on the phone (maybe once or twice a month) and video chatting is nonexistent. We do talk fairly often through messages though.
I tried to organise to cam tonight, but he suddenly had something stop us from doing it. It was a valid reason, but I still feel hurt that yet again we aren't camming.
I guess I want to know if I'm expecting too much to want to cam or talk a lot more frequently (at least once or twice a week), when the reason we don't is because he is working to be with me in real life? I did try discussing this with him, but he just said that if we were camming he feels like he should be working. I don't know if I can keep handling long distance if all we do is message each other. | My long distance partner and I rarely talk or video chat, but the reason is because he's working so hard to be together. Is it wrong to expect to do it more often? Or how can I go about it? |
t3_4shiu9 | tifu | TIFU by posting on Facebook | This happened a few years ago.
A few days before Christmas, my cousin stopped by my grandma's house for a visit. She brought her infant with her and they sat at the dining room table chatting.
Unbeknownst to my cousin, my mother had recently moved into the basement of the house. An hour of chatting later, my mother comes upstairs to see who's visiting. Like from a bad movie, she reaches the top of the stairs leading into the dining room and says gravely, "You!" after spying my cousin. The two had a falling out some months before. She heads toward my cousin, who is sitting down at the table.
My cousin, not wishing an altercation, picks up her baby to leave. My mother takes a swing to slap my cousin just as she is turning to head towards the door and (by mistake) my mother slaps the baby.
This is the story I was given about the event.
For my whole life my mother has done stupid shit like this, and I've always vented to me close friends- it's the only way to stay sane. My friends understand, they've always been there for me. So I hear about my mother's escapades on Christmas morning. I go to facebook and post 'Merry Christmas everyone! My mom punched a baby!'
My close friends get it. This is just another one of those things. However, my family was much less understanding. Aside from typical dismay, they got upset and 'tattled' on me to my grandma (who was not on facebook), who I adore. Later in the week I received a letter from her telling me how disappointed she was that I would do such a thing, etc. I was crushed, but I'm kind of a defiant asshole so I had to call her about it.
"The thing is", I said, "It wouldn't matter if I had taken a full page ad in the paper to say it. I'm not the one fucking punching babies...."
Everything is fine now. The baby is a tank, my mom is pretty weak. He wasn't actually hurt. I don't/won't facebook ever again. | posted 'Merry Christmas everyone! My mom punched a baby!' on facebook. Dealt with ensuing family shitstorm. |
t3_11j8x7 | AskReddit | What embarrassing moment of harsh realization in your life made you say, "Fuck, I really need to improve the way I live my life"? | So today I was at a local sporting goods store because I wanted to buy a new pair of hiking pants. Well I'm a bigger guy and I noticed right away that they didn't happen to have my particular size pants in stock. So the clerk suggested the he look to see if they have any larger size pants in stock in another store or if I should order online. Well after a few seconds of him checking he told me that the company that made the pants didn't make a pant a size large enough to fit my fat ass. Apparently when the company was deciding on pant sizes to make they went, "fuck that, we don't need to make a size that big, no one that fat would ever go hiking." After the initial moment of embarrassment I proceeded to walk out of the store shamefully vowing to change the way I live and lose weight. I've always been a big guy but something like this has never happened to me before....goddamn was it embarrassing. | Went to buy pants at a store, was embarrassed when the clerk proceeded to tell me that the company who made the kind of pants I wanted did make a size big enough to fit my fat ass. |
t3_ir8wa | relationship_advice | Opinions on anxiety and texting during a relationship | Little bit of background: I'm 22, and have had a history of some pretty rough break ups/relationships, as we all have. I've been told by two different guys, out of the blue and with no chance to fix things, that is was over after 8 months. I recently ended a year long relationship with a guy I was living with who just stopped loving me, but refused to end it himself. I also have a history of anxiety, incredible mood swings, and over thinking things.
Cut to now: I'm in a pretty new relationship (2 months), and in the past week have been having daily panic attacks and anxiety. I text him a lot, especially when I'm nervous, and I'm wondering if it's part of the problem. Texts don't convey emotion or intent well and theres always at least a few minutes where you don't get a response. I'm starting to think that both of these things are just fueling my anxiety more.
I guess my questions are:
1. Should I try and stop texting him?
2. What other methods of communication do you recommend?
3. How much of this should I tell him about? | I'm getting panic/anxiety attacks in a new relationship, I think texting is making them worse, what do I do? |
t3_zmyg6 | AskReddit | Help! I have a really odd situation that you're probably gonna troll me for! | Alright, so here's what happened. I'm 16, and about 4 years ago my dad(divorced parents) started dating someone. They had a really casual, non-serious relationship for a really long time. When I was 13, I met the woman's daughter. Things where all normal until I was 14, which is when things started getting weird. Me and my dad's girlfriends daughter started getting along really well, and things became more-than-friendly. Not in a terrible sexual way, but as in there was a definite relationship forming. This was and still is the first time I had ever been so close with a girl, and I felt something special for her. But then, our parents got engaged! I got freaked out, and things started getting really awkward really fast. They got married, which was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I never got a chance to tell her how I felt about her, and now she's my step sister. I still love her to death, but now it's too late to do anything about it, since it's been a year and a half since our parents got married. I really would do anything to be able to make things right, but I feel like it would make everything even worse if I tried. I feel horrible right now, so what I typed probably made absolutely no sense, but what should I do? She's always acting like she feels the same way about me but I feel like there's too much at risk to talk to her about it. What are your opinions, Reddit? It it too risky? Is it wrong? Is there anything I can do? | I fell for a girl, then our parents got married and now she's my step sister and it's really awkward. |
t3_1dcdgi | relationships | Should I (24F) let my boyfriend (28M) go? | I met my boyfriend on the internet and we've been together for almost 7 months in real life now.
Before we were together in real life he pretty much agreed on all parts of the relationship such as including marriage as one of the must and ASAP since I'm Asian and apparently we have a "due date" for bachelorette lifestyle.
After we are together, he said European culture does not really emphasize on wedding. The most important part is to enjoy being with each others without getting tied down for marriage.
Several arguments later, we agreed on getting married but now, I am not sure if I really want to be with him for the rest of my life. I have the feeling perhaps we are not the right person for each others.
I love my boyfriend dearly but at the same time, I am willing to let him go. I do not want to waste our time especially mine since Asian culture my current age is considered the important time. I will be going back to my own country soon too since my exchange programme is almost over.
Thoughts please? | Asian culture to emphasize on wedding clashes with European let's just enjoy dating culture. Not sure if I should just end the relationship or not. |
t3_4g2342 | relationships | My [27F] husband [29M] of 2 years was shafted by a mutual friend but refuses to deal with it | My husband and I generally have great communication, but this is a very touchy topic and it's really starting to get to me.
A couple we are friends with recently got married- I'll call them Ted and Nancy. Nancy invited me to her bachelorette but Ted didn't invite my husband to his bachelor party. There could be some legit reasons, but for our part, we don't know why. Though Ted and my husband aren't as close as Nancy and I are, my husband was very hurt when he found out. Worse, there were some awkward moments at the wedding where it was clear my husband had been left out of some memorable activities.
My husband has decided he wants to cut them out of his friend group (though he has no intentions of making this clear to them, he's just going to ghost). This puts me in an extremely awkward place. It's not my place to bring this up with Ted or Nancy myself (I know she didn't have anything to do with it). But his refusal to deal with this will force me to make excuses for his absence and eventually address it. He's obviously hurt, but will not address it.
I loathe this. It's as if his pride is getting in the way of seeing any other perspectives in the situation. Even if it was dick of Ted not to include my husband, I believe they could have a productive conversation about this and come out of it better off. | My husband wasn't invited to a bachelor party of a mutual friend and won't address it, leaving me to deal with our friends who wonder why he's not hanging out anymore. |
t3_3ats4g | relationships | Me [26 M] with my BF [31 M] of 1 year. Are comparisons inherently evil and destructive? | This is something I'm struggling with. I'm an engineer, and I have a very empirical, rational way of decision making. My partner is the polar opposite, and is so heavily driven by emotions. So much of my career and my general being is defined by comparisons, such as comparing two binary conditions to determine the best possible path to follow. I don't see all comparisons as evil (now I know that comparing yourself to others is often considered a bad thing to do), but my boyfriend does. He believes he is his own person on his own journey and should not be compared to anything. We are incredibly divided on this issue, especially when it comes to him going back and finishing his degree. He wants to get into a specialized Masters program for therapy, and the simplest, most rational comparison such as your achievements being compared to a graduation checklist is something he disagrees with, or saying that his formal academic path (what classes he needs to take, what programs he should consider, what requirements would be) would be similar to what my friends and coworkers have taken infuriates him.
I don't get it! I don't see any emotion in these comparisons. You want to get a Masters in Family Therapy? Then your academic track will be similar to my friend who just got a Masters in Family Therapy. Your story may be different, but the requirements you must fulfill to be licensed will be very similar. That can be a resource for achieving your own success, so why not use it? I guess I see things so black and white that it's become problematic. Like, if I am hungry, then I eat food. That condition is satisfied. I can now proceed. I don't think about how this food will make me feel, etc. | I'm Sheldon Cooper. I'm an engineer whose life is based around optimizing and making comparisons. My boyfriend doesn't like that and is driven heavily by emotions. Are comparisons evil? |
t3_2muhk8 | relationships | I [16F] have a huge crush on my brother's friend [17M]. But it's complicated. | He's a junior, I'm a sophomore. Let's call him Evan. Evan and I are on cross-country together, and have been casual friends through my brother who has been his best friend since they were 9. He and I have gotten closer this past year because of cross-country, and the more time I spend with Evan the more I realize how much I like him. I have for a while (2ish years) but I sort of tried to ignore it.
It's not like I've never had a boyfriend before, I dated this guy in my grade for a couple months and then I was dating another guy in their grade for almost a year. Part of the reason I broke up with my second boyfriend was because I realized that I had feelings for Evan and I felt guilty for thinking about this guy that wasn't my boyfriend.
On top of all that, Evan practically lives at our house. He lives with his mom and she's got issues so he's at our house pretty much all the time. Pretty much every weekend and he will come over most days after school and usually spend the night. He doesn't actually live here but he might as well. My parents understand about his mom and are cool with it.
But it makes it way worse because I have to see Evan all the time and I can't just pretend like he doesn't exist. And he's seen me looking totally horrible in the morning and stuff.
I don't know if he likes me or not, I used to be sure he didn't like me but he's been friendlier lately but he could also have just been friendly to me. I felt like Evan didn't like my boyfriend but I'm not sure if that was jealousy or just a pseudo-overprotective brother thing since my brother didn't like my BF much either. I definitely feel like he's taken more interest in me but that doesn't have to mean anything other than him just being nice to me.
But I can't escape my massive crush on him. | I cannot stop thinking about my brother's best friend, despite two relationships to try to move on. But we spend so much time together that I'm terrified of making things weird. |
t3_31mio2 | relationship_advice | [25/m] completely confused by [22/f] prospect. | So I saw this girl for a few months and things seemed to be going well until one day she simply disappeared. About a week later, I text her calling her out on the bullshit and she stated she didn't know what to say to me, but that she was afraid of the way things were going and she ran away (I'm not stupid, this is a clear bullshit excuse).
Anyway, I tried to be the bigger person and continue the friendship. Last week she asks me to go with her to see the new Divergent (was it Insurgent?) movie. Whatever, I say I'll go with her, she does the usual cuddling on my arm during a movie shit. So on Friday she asks me to go see Fast 7 with her, and I oblige because who doesn't love those movies?! We have a pretty good time, she cuddles up on me during the movie again blah blah blah, I don't make anything of it. Next day, she texts me around 10 PM saying she wants to hang out and smoke. I'm at my friend's house about a half hour away, and I jokingly tell her to come pick me up. She actually came, and on our way we went back to my house and she stayed over until about 3 am as we laid in bed watching movies. However, she was rather distant while we laid in bed and seemed to be making it a point to keep distance between us.
Now I'm not trying to go back to the way things were, I'm just confused by her actions. What is the motive here? Is she simply needing attention and feeling lonely? I feel like I'm being used, and I should probably just cut things off completely. Any advice is greatly appreciated. | Saw girl for a couple months, broke things off, remained friends, sending me mixed signals, not sure how to proceed. |
t3_3xxcwo | relationships | I'm [19M] confused my life with my SO [19F] and I'm not sure I want to stay | My girlfriend and I love each other. But in different ways. She's romantically in love with me, and I love her as a really good friend.
There's no passion in our lives, and its my fault. She's constantly upset about it, and I can't bring myself to lie to her in that way.
I guess it's just that I want a new life. It may sound weird, but I don't feel like my life is meant to be with her. I'm constantly thinking about leaving, but I can't do it. It will hurt her too badly.
The previous times I tried to leave, we fight. I end up staying because I feel bad; I actually fool myself into thinking we can work it out every time. Now, my best friend offered for me to live with him and get me a job where he works. It sounds fantastic. I don't know what to do. | don't want to be with my girlfriend anymore and want to leave. I'm scared I can't because I'm too weak |
t3_1ubmsg | relationships | Me [26F] with my boyfriend [28m] of 2.5 yrs are having issues over me being a dog person and him not.. I have a 5.5 month old puppy.. | Well we have been dating for over 2.5 years, we have loved together for over half of that. I graduated last may with my masters and finally have a big girl job. I had always wanted a dog when I could afford it and have the time it needs to take care of it. My boyfriend knew this from the start but he isnt a dog person (he has never had one, only cats).
Well in October he finally said ok I could get one! After months of discussion. He told me that it would be my dog, he didnt want it to change his lifestyle, he didnt want the added responbility. I should inform you he us an only child with a mother that has done everything for him his whole life. which is another challenge in it self.
So I got a 7 week blue Merle austrailain shepherd from a breeder his name is Gus.
It was a huge change to our lives which I expected but my boyfriend didn't. So this has been a huge strain on our relationship. His mom and him help let Gus out during the day because I work weird hours and my job is 30+ miles from my house. But that is all he does for him. If he has an accident in his cage he waits till I get home to clean it up. He doesn't really go out of his comfort box to compromise and help which is frustrating for me.
However after realizing I have set my expectations to high I have started to realize that this is him and him letting him out is all I'm really gonna get from him. The frustrating part is my boyfriend see no connection to this dog experience is a link to how having kids will be. He tells me it will be different because he wants kids and didn't really want the dog. But if he isn't willing to help out/compromise with a dog that is much easier than kids, do I want to be a single parent also? | I need advice with Gus keep putting a strain on our relationship? Will my boyfriend come around? Does the dog situation reflect the future with kids? |
t3_4lufin | relationships | My dad [62 M] wants me [26 M] to manage a storefront that acquired recently, not too sure if I want to. | My dad recently acquired a storefront/dealership for water heaters, and he wants me to manage it. I have been unemployed ever since I graduated from University, so I feel like I'm not in a position to refuse this offer, and I'm grateful for it. But the other half of me just doesn't want to do it, I just want to walk away.
But I have no financial means to do so, and asking for a handout just seems wrong. Although, I admit I had to ask a lot from my family, when I was unemployed and bipolar. (I'm still unemployed)
But he never once thought about kicking me out, never begrudged me for being unemployed, paid for my meds. (though not for a psychiatrist as they are not covered by insurance) Though in hindsight it might have been better if he hadn't done that, forcing me on my own, not trying to enable me as some might say, or it may not have, I don't know.
It's not like he's asking much of me, he just wants me to learn how to install a water heater, and learn the ropes of the business, so the contractors don't haggle with me as much. I could just leave after I save up some money, but that feeling of being trapped forever is still there. | Dad wants me to take over dealership, I have some doubts and fears. Has a possible solution to doubts, but still fears being trapped in one place. |
t3_3lwdr1 | relationships | Me [26 F] newly dating [26 M] and am super anxious in these early stages. Would love some perspective. | Hey there sweet people of /r/relationships. Hoping to get some perspective in the weird early weeks dating someone new. I'm a bit antsy and am swinging between a lot of thoughts and fears, and am really unsure how much of that is anchored in reality and how much of it is in my head.
I met someone three months ago. We've been seeing each other progressively more often since meeting. Earlier last week we had, I guess, that "turning point" date where everything starts to click especially well and you talk and talk for hours and things start to feel like they're taking off.
We've not really defined or titled anything, but I think we've an understanding that we both want this to continue. He has expressed general reservations about serious relationships, but also that he's going to make an effort to not get tripped up by those. I think during that "turning point" date I may have come on a bit strong. Recollecting some tipsy things I said about my feelings and how into things I am - it just makes me nervous and regretful. I meant it all, but am afraid of scaring away. But really I really, really like this person.
The last time I dated someone like this, I think my intensity and openness had a lot to do with why it ended. I'm wondering if that same thing is happening here again or if I'm just bringing that fear to this new thing without good reason? The next morning and night everything seemed to be just as great. Thing is, he's not a big texter in our time apart, so until we meet up again I feel a little at a loss for assurance. Thinking about it too much, one minute I think it's in good shape and that I have nothing to worry about. The next, I'm catastrophizing.
So everyone, what did the first few weeks of your relationship look like? How freaked out were you? Is it normal for me to feel as antsy as I am? How often were you in contact? | Started seeing someone and am in the vice grip of anxiety over every little thing. My friends are sick of telling me if different things are "normal" / "cool." What do you guys think? |
t3_135zwm | AskReddit | Do you think ignoring or covering up child sex abuse is as bad as committing it? Should I report crimes committed nearly 20 years ago for the sake of protecting some kids who may or not be at risk, somewhere in the world? | There's all this fuss in Australia atm over a Royal Commission into the covering up of child sex abuse by various religious and non-religious organisations, and I heard a comment on the news about how those who cover it up are as guilty as those who commit the crimes.
The thing is when I as a teen told my parents what had happened to me as a child (by a family friend) they told me it was in the past, he had moved away and I should get over it and I was angry and scared and over time did exactly what they said, I got over it.
But I'm an adult now, 25, and the comment made me wonder if I wasn't guilty of cover up. He moved away with his wife and two daughters (younger than me), and could be hurting others. Am I putting children at risk by not exposing him?
I've felt guilty for letting it happen, I've felt guilty for making my parents upset by telling them, but never for not telling people. Has my guilt been misdirected all along? Am I complicit in hurting children?
If I go to the police will it actually do anything? I've worked so hard to block it out, I don't want to open it all up again, for the first time in my life I'm happy. I remember his name and his family's names and I have photos, and I know where he moved to in 1998, but that's it.
Thoughts? | Am I guilty for not reporting a man who sexually abused me as a child if it allows him to continue hurting others? |
t3_nrtav | AskReddit | I want to move out now. How do I do it? | Hi, I'll soon be 20. I am home from school visiting my family for the holidays, and I have come to the realization I want to move out of this place. My parents and I are not on bad terms or anything. I'm just tired of living here.
Problem is, I'm not in the best position to move out on my own. I go to college full-time, meaning most likely the best I could do is a part-time job. Even if I got a full-time minimum wage job, it'd be tough to pay the bills and pay for food and pay for my schooling. The problem is, I go to school where tuition is around $25,000 a year. This school is located in a large city, where cost of living is rather high, even near the college campus. Most students living off-campus have financial assistance coming in from their parents.
So, Reddit, if I want to move out, how do I do it? Or should I wait? | I want to move out from home, but I'm broke as hell and live in an expensive place and go to an expensive school. Wat do? |
t3_x46nk | relationships | [Update] My dad won't back off and was sending me rude emails. | [Original Post Here](
For the lazy, my dad keeps contacting me randomly from new email addresses. The most recent time he let me know how much of a shitty person I am, despite not knowing me or knowing anything I do. I was unsure if I should tell him to fuck off or to just ignore it.
Well, I just ignored it. I figure responding will only give him fuel for his flame. I write him off like a crazy ex. I wouldn't respond if an ex wrote something like that, so why respond to an absentee father, right?
And I talked to my mom about the whole "may not be your father" thing. Well, turns out she was just being a bitch. She was with another guy before they rekindled their romance or whatever, but stopped having sex with him months before getting back with my dad. So yeah, he's my sperm donor. And my mom is a bitch, but we knew that already. She is an awesome mom, but a little bit weird. I don't blame her. I have already figured out how to deal with her emotional issues, so I just shrug this one off.
As annoying as it is to see him pop up in my inbox randomly, I'd rather not add to the drama. I bet he googles my name all the time, but jokes on him -- I've never used my real full name on the Internet ever. ;) | Dad wrote dick-headed email. I didn't respond. He will probably do it again one day. Zero fucks given. |
t3_4m3djm | tifu | TIFU By microwaving my underwear | Obligatory this happened last summer.
So my friends and I decided that we wanted to go on a trip to Vancouver for a couple of days. I pack pretty light, and I fit all of my things into my backpack and that was all that I brought with me.
So we show up at the hostel that we chose and decide that we want to go downtown soon so I go and take a shower. After, I start pulling out all my clothes so I can change and realize that all of my underwear and socks are soaked somehow. We were planning on leaving and I was in a rush, but needed underwear badly, so in a moment of brilliance I decided that the fastest way to dry them would be to toss them in the microwave for a few minutes. At first I didn't see it but after maybe thirty seconds I can see smoke starting to fill the inside of the microwave, so I opened it up and reached in and grabbed my underwear. Underwear is on fire, multiple holes have been burned through them and the elastic in the bands has melted. Threw them in the sink to put them out and then put on my old dirty underwear. Ended up meeting Aaron Paul (Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad) and his wife at a bar though, so it ended up being a pretty good trip. | On a trip, underwear were wet, tried to dry them in the microwave, underwear caught fire and melted, but met Aaron Paul so still a net positive trip |
t3_1ibm46 | offmychest | How my parents got me to stop smoking pot. | I have been a nerd for pretty much my entire life. In my junior year of high school, I started hanging out with some stoners. I was so happy to have friends that were "cool" that I entertained the idea of getting high. I tried it out a bit and smoked socially through my junior and part of my senior year. It took a while for my parents to notice, but eventually they did. I'm not sure what tipped them off? Maybe a smelly jacket?
Anyway, they came up with the most genius idea I have ever heard of. They didn't even have to confront me about it. We had one of those giant old school TVs with a flat surface on top and we used to set our keys/wallets/phones on top of the TV. So, one day I come down stairs before school and I see a urine specimen container on top of the TV. Instantly I flipped out, internally. I didn't say a word about it, neither did they.
It stayed there for about a month. I didn't smoke at all, the entire time. One day my dad just grabbed it and said "I guess we don't need this anymore." We never spoke of it.
edit | My parents got me to stop smoking pot by putting a urine specimen container on top of our TV and never talked about it. |
t3_12tscx | relationships | My boyfriend [M/29] and I [f/23] are having issues, and we have been together for 10 months, Should I leave him? | My boyfriend and I used to live together and we were engaged. We had some things happen, in which I no longer live there, and our relationship is strained.
He doesn't seem to have any regard for me, what so ever, and anything that i do is wrong, or so it seems. Thing is, I know he loves me, and I love him, but I stopped at the house today, and I didnt like what I saw. He was completely different, and I dont think I can keep going with the way he is now. I'm thinking it would be better for us both, if we went our separate ways, but I don't know how I should go about doing that. We only see each other for a couple hours a week.
At one point I was so happy with him but I'm starting to think that we are never going to have that happiness again. I also have this fear of being alone, and I think that's why I am so apprehensive.
What do you think, guys? how should I go about doing this? What should I do? | My boyfriend and I are having issues. I am thinking about us going our separate ways, and not knowing how to approach him about this. |
t3_10d9c8 | AskReddit | Reddit, what ingenious methods have you used to get the fuck out of a bad situation? | So I've been out drinking, and as 2am hits I find myself stumbling hard towards a local kebab store. The place is tiny, it fits ten people shoulder to shoulder at most and it's currently occupied by no less than 15. As I barge into the place I cause a rather large and angry looking man to spin around and almost lose a carton of 'chips n cheese' all over the floor.
He curses me and so I head outside for a look at the guy who just called me a cunt. Upon meeting eye to eye he politely asks "Who the fuck do you think you are mate, fancy trying that shit again?"
I now see that this guy is a giant who has just handed his carton of tasty goods to his friend. This is not about to go down well for me and so out of nowhere I place a hand on his arm and ask,
"Brother, do you believe in the lord?" His bedazzled look is just what I planned for. "You see brother, the good lord sent me here tonight for you. It was my place to bang into you and cause you to almost drop your food."
"And why the fuck would he do that?" he asks, in a confused yet, still slightly angry manner.
"because brother, I see that tonight not one chip was lost to the floor, nor was a single bit of your fine chedder." *I raise my voice higher here* "The lord my brother, sent me here, to let you know that no matter what, he does not intend for you to go hungry tonight. He wants you to take up your fill and be content with the meal that has bestown upon you."
At this point, the poor fucker is almost cross eyed with confusion. here he was ramping up for a fight and I went all holy mary on him. Everyone but him can see plain as day I have just ripped the piss out of a man twice my twice, but the nature of the conversation has him so dumb founded, he blinks, mutters to his friend and walks off. I got to keep my face that day.. and some random lovely chap bought me a kebab for making his night with such a speech. | I saved myself from eating tarmac by going all Holy Mary on a chap who's food I almost spilled across a local kebab shop floor. |
t3_43wl57 | loseit | Volume vs weight in recipes | I am highly in favor of measuring items in terms of weight for entry into MFP, which leads me in a lot of cases to not even worry about what I'm "measuring" the item in as long as I'm getting to the correct weight for the amount listed in the recipe (for example, the recipe calls for 4 cups of lentils, so I measure out the weight that equates to 4 cups according to my package (0.25c (dry) = 32g, so 4c = 512g).
Recently I have measured a few things in a measuring cup, and I'm seeing a huge disparity... That 512g of dry lentils equated out to about 2.5c in volume, not the 4c my recipe was requesting. That's very close to the amount listed on a random online weight to volume calculator I found. I can't see that 2.5c dry will translate into 4c when cooked (it normally should come up to more than that, in my experience).
Why would the amounts listed on the nutritional facts for my package of lentils be so far off? Or, on the other hand, is it somehow correct in a way I'm not seeing? Does anyone else run into the same issues, and if so, do you just use the weight of the recipe, and ignore the volume measurement, or use the volume measurement and just use the weight to determine the amount to indicate in MFP? | Package's nutritional facts of grams per volume are pretty far off... Why? How do you deal with it? |
t3_182bt6 | travel | Leaving today for New Orleans weekend trip. Need some advice so my friends and I can have a good time without dying. | I'm driving from FL to New Orleans for a Bachelorette celebration with girlfriends from college. I'm really looking forward to seeing them and visiting NO for the 2nd time (another friend got married there 2 years ago). This time though the trip coincides with Mardi Gras. I don't even know what to expect, besides lots of tit-tays, I'm assuming.
Anyways, I have a few questions. We are all a bunch of females in an unfamiliar place, so I want to try and make sure we all have an extremely fun but safe experience. I've heard pick pocketing can be pretty bad since there's so many people. Do you have any advice for this? Also, what parts of town should be avoided? Or anything else that pertains to us staying safe, other than common sense. What kind of tourist gimmicks should I expect?
On a lighter note, what restaurants, events, bars, historical, etc are a must see? Personally, I'm a big fan of art and music and I know that's not hard to find in NO. I loved walking down the street and hearing the music and all the beautiful art that's in abundance. Great vibe. I'll stop rambling now. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much. | Going to New Orleans for a bachelorette party the same weekend that Mardi Gras starts. Looking for suggestions to keep us alive and happy :) |
t3_30hba7 | tifu | TIFU by walking out of my job. | This happened yesterday. Long story short, I got a new job a few months ago, its minimum wage and they treat people like dirt. This week enough was enough so I walked out without saying anything, better that than punching 1 of my colleagues! (I assumed that me walking out would be enough for them to realise I wasn't coming back).
The next day (yesterday) I didn't show up, my house phone and mobile were constantly going off throughout the day but knowing it was probably them I ignored it (I even left my mobile in the other room as it was driving me crazy). A few hours pass and I decide to check my phone for messages, just as I do my girlfriend rings me. "Are you alright?! Where are you?? Has something happened". She sounded really upset so I reassured her "I'm at home, you know I didn't go to work, why?"
She told me that my mum, dad, and sister are freaking out because no one can get hold of me..... Turns out work had my dad as my next of kin, they rang him to say I had disappeared! I rang them all to let them know what was going on, good job I did, my dad was about to break into my house to see if something had happened!
Lesson learned: If it gets to the point where you have to walk out of work, tell someone you quit! That or get caller ID lol | Quit my job, they called my next of kin to say I was missing. Family nearly broke into my house to find me. |
t3_44u6gi | tifu | TIFU by opening the fire exit door. | So this didn't happen today, or this month, or this year. I was a young little person still learning about the world and being very curious about things.
I've always wanted to find out what a fire exit looked like, so in a Kmart store I came across one and thought I would look inside. I open the door a little bit when all of a sudden
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!!
I jumped back and quickly tried to run away from the noise, thinking I could ignore it. Que my mum coming around the corner and seeing me at the scene of the crime. She asked
"Did you cause the fire alarm to go off?"
I nodded meekly, looking like a cute guilty dog so she didn't yell at me. It worked, but she insisted that we wait there until someone who worked at the store came and she could tell them what happened. It felt like we where standing there for hours, even after the alarm turned off. I asked mum if we could go but she said no, I had to wait. Finally someone came and mum told them the story. I have never been so embarrassed, until I got into my teenage years.
Ever since then I have never opened an emergency fire exit door unless it was an emergency (Which never happened), but my curiosity still remained. What was it like inside those fire proof stairs? Do they even have lights? None of these questions where answered until I was 20 and finally learned that only some doors are alarmed triggered, and they usually have a label on them. | I opened an alarmed fire exit door, mum made me wait to confess my sins to an employee of the store. Been scared of fire exit doors ever since. |
t3_3splml | relationships | Me [26F] with my boyfriend [29M] of 5 years, still "not ready" for marriage. | I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years now, living together for almost the entire 5 years. We are amazing together, always laughing and having fun, rarely argue, same interests, healthy sex life (1-3 times a week). I trust him with my life and I think he feels the same. We have been through a lot in that time, including death in both families and moving across the country together. I have felt for a few years now that I am ready to get engaged/married and he is more than aware of this. I have brought up the topic of marriage about 5 times within the last couple of years and it seems the only answer that I get is he is simply "not ready". He doesn't seem to be able to elaborate on what that means or when he thinks he will be ready. Recently he has said maybe another year or two, but he just knows that he is not ready now. I know that he is not against marriage in general, that is something that he definitely wants for himself. Which leads me to believe that he simply doesn't want to marry me..
This is starting to really weigh on my confidence and happiness in the relationship. On one hand, I don't understand why he would suddenly be ready for marriage in a "year or two". We have already been through so much together, I don't think he is going to learn anything new about me that will suddenly make him ready in that time. On the other hand, I am so happy in this relationship (other than this issue), is this really worth throwing away for a piece of paper? Is there any possibility that he will suddenly be ready after 6 years together instead of the 5 we are at now?
I am looking for any reason to stay at this point. It feels hopeless and I think that I need to leave for my own sanity... but it's so hard to throw this away. I love him so much and all of our other goals in life line up so well. Has anyone been through this where it worked out? Has anyone waited 6+ years for their partner to be ready for marriage and had them actually decide they were ready?
Any opinions would be greatly appreciated. | Been with boyfriend 5 years, he says he is still "not ready" for marriage, maybe another year or two. Any point in staying? |
t3_21hw39 | self | Whose fault is this. | This is stupid and I don't know where else to really post this, but here we go.
My PC at home has two broken front USB ports, which fry whatever USB device you plug into it - yeah it's not ideal but since it's my computer and only I use it, I know the problem is there and as such it doesn't kill any of my USB things because I simply don't use them.
So I'm here at work and I get a text from my brother "Do your USB ports fry things".
I say yes, don't use them use the back ones (he's fried something of his previously apparently)
However, he had already gone and plugged his Portable HDD into it and killed it. I am uncomfortable with him using my PC without asking anyway, but I let him sometimes as I have some games on there his PC won't run.
The issue is, he seems to think it's my fault that he needs to buy a new portable HDD and obviously I think it is his own stupid fault for a) not asking me if it's ok to take files from my PC and b) not learning from the last time he killed a usb stick.
Now, there is of course an argument that I should do something to prevent someone killing their USB stuff with my broken ports, but since it's MY pc, I don't HAVE to do this. Granted I intend to tape over the ports later with some masking tape to prevent anything like this happening again (my ex did the same thing lol)
The other issue is that I asked why he was even plugging his HDD into my PC in the first place and he said "to get a music file", which sounds like BS to me.
Who should buy a HDD to replace his broken one. Himself, or me? | Brother fried his portable HDD by using one of the broken USB ports on MY PC which only I use. He thinks I owe him a new HDD, I think he's a moron. |
t3_342chd | tifu | TIFU by allowing my GF to let a car turn which caused an accident. | So this just happened a couple of hours ago.
On the way back from a doctors apt we were on a divided highway. The traffic was backed up at a stop light and we were in the far left lane. Where we should have stopped would have blocked a turn lane from the other side of the highway. My GF stopped far enough back to let the car waiting to turn pull out.
I remarked that she should just pull up because that guy shouldnt turn anyways due to not being able to see the other two lanes of traffic. She replied saying that she was taught to never block an intersection. I was explaining that it wasnt really an intersection as the Dumbass waiting to turn started to go.
As I looked in the side mirror I noticed a car rapidly approaching in the middle lane. I reached over to honk but it was too late. Dumbass got hit in his rear quarter panel and spun all the way around. Everyone was ok but it all could have been avoided had I just insisted that my GF pull up to block the turn lane. Though that would have had her angry at me rather than ashamed that she allowed the accident to happen. | My GF left enough space for a dumbass to try to cross two more lanes of traffic to get into Lowes. He didnt make it. |
t3_lk195 | AskReddit | BDSM/femdom/feminization. Confused and concerned gf. | Hi Reddit. I recently found out my boyfriend is into hentai bondage. I'm okay with this, although the looks of pain/pleasure and the violation of the girls disturbs me sometimes. I realize that people respond to a myriad of sexual stimulation, so this doesn't really bother me. However, I've come to suspect that he's also into the feminization of males, cross dressing and the power play involved with it. I'm confused and worried. We have a great relationship, and I intend on talking about it. Does anyone have any constructive advice on how to approach the topic? Should I at all? Are other guys into this? | suspect boyfriend into feminization. going to talk about it, would like some constructive advice on how best to approach the subject |
t3_1clwzo | relationships | I (22m) am struggling to hold it together with my girlfriend (21f) of two years | My girlfriend and I have been dating for just about two years now. However, last October, she started experiencing pain during sex, so we just went from sex about once a week to no sex since then. I urged her to go to the doctor and she never did. I've explained to her that physical intimacy (of any kind) makes me closer to her and makes me feel loved and appreciated. She claims that all I want from her is for her to "lay down and spread her legs, so that I'll be happy." I can't seem to make it clear to her that I don't just want to fuck her, I want to feel loved by her. I tried to explain to her that the total lack of intimacy has created a problem in our relationship, and then she reiterates her argument that all I want to do is fuck her. Nothing I say or do makes her want to show any level of intimacy.
Last night, I tried to explain to her that there was more than just physical pleasure in sex, for me, and that I needed that closeness again. The whole idea didn't make any sense to her - as if sex was *only* physical for her and she never felt any connection through it.
I can't see the relationship lasting much longer with me living like a monk, while still taking care of her through all of her problems (she's been fighting depression for a *very* long time and I've helped *some* but it's still an issue).
Should I just give up on it and move on? | Can't even get a handy for the past six months. Sex and intimacy are emotional for me, doesn't seem more than physical for her. Relationship on the rocks as a result. End it? |
t3_2acafl | jobs | Boss won't pay, legal rights? | I recently ended my employment with a company after realizing it wasn't a good fit for me. The owner (my boss) is now refusing to pay me the salary detailed in my offer letter.
I initially received an offer from the company offering to pay me an hourly rate for only the hours I billed. I replied declining the offer. The owner emailed me back asking what it would take for me to accept the job. I told him I would need a guaranteed salary that I was not willing to take the instability of hourly work. He replied with another offer letter that guaranteed a base salary and additional compensation for every hour I worked over 40 (per week). I accepted the offer and started a week later. Now that I'm no longer working for him he is trying to only pay me for the hours I billed (40 for the entire month I was there). This was my concern which is why I only accepted the job with a salary guarantee. When I asked the boss about my offer letter he responded saying that I won't be receiving it as I didn't work a full month (ie: didn't bill on weekends), that I started in the middle of their billing cycle (I started on Monday June 2nd) and that I took a day off. He claims that for the above reasons I will only be paid for what I billed.
I have everything documented, including proof that I started on June 2nd and stopped on June 30th. If I take him to small claims court do I have enough to stand on? | Former boss won't pay me what was in my offer letter. Can I sue him with the offer letter as evidence? |
t3_2mw44k | relationships | Me [23 M] with my GF [23F] of almost 2 years, I need to end our relationship, but can't bring myself to do it. | My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. We dated long distance for a year (we would see each other on weekends) and then I re-located to her hometown and moved in with her. She has a stable career, and I am finishing up my degree at a university in that town. We have been growing apart these last few months, and I personally have a hard tim envisioning myself being with her for the rest of my life (which is something that I could see happening months ago).
We moved in together and it was great, but I feel like the prospect of a new start for me/us kind of hid any sort of issues we had before because we would always say "well once we live together things will be better" and they were, but the novelty wore off. Our relationship has been stagnant for that last few months, and even after having had a conversation about it in September, there has been little improvement.
I feel selfish because she doesn't seem to think anything is wrong, and doesn't feel the way I do about our relationship. She is a very loving person and I can't bring myself to hurt her like that, even though I know that my attitude right now isn't healthy for our relationship. When I brought up how I felt early this fall, she was devastated, and unconsolable for a while, and after seeing that reaction I am really struggling to end things. I do care about her, but I know that while she is a great person, she just isn't right for me. Again, I just don't want to see her in that much pain again. | Can't bring myself to break up with my gf. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Anyone have any advice? |
t3_50v91p | legaladvice | [MD][MoCo] Buying a Condo Suite from Family Member | I'm trying to buy a condo suite from a family member who has been letting me live in it for the past few years for rent. The property is in Montgomery County, Maryland. I've been approved by my bank for the loan and can get the money this family member is asking for.
We don't have a real estate agent and thought this would be somewhat of an easy transaction, but I'm a month in, confused, and still not the owner.
I understand that the home needs to be inspected and appraised. I was also told by the loan officer that I need a title company.
At this point, I have no idea what order things need to be done in and google isn't much help in the order of steps, just what's needed. Loan officer says he can't recommend any companies/services due to conflicts of interest which is okay, but still leaves me in the dark. | ELI5 how to buy a condo suite I'm currently living in from a family member (uncle/aunt). |
t3_4q21y8 | relationships | I [22 F] saw on my boyfriends [28 M] on 9 months phone a photo I wasn't supposed to see | I've been with my current boyfriend for almost 10 months now, and I'm head over heels in love with him. He tells me he loves me too, and I believe him. He's introduced me to his friends and family and I've introduced him to mine.
The main concern: So we're hanging out just enjoying each other's company, and he showed me a video he took of me that I didn't know he was filming. When the video finished his phone went automatically to the photos he had, and for a brief moment I saw a photo of a woman in her underwear posing for the camera (like a selfie). It was near the bottom, so that meant it was recent. He immediately switched the phone off and changed the subject, but I still saw it.
I don't want to be THAT girlfriend and go snooping through his phone, though I was damn close last night. But I don't know how to bring it up with him. I almost convinced myself that I imagined it, that it was just porn (and porn never hurt anyone) but it looked like someone sent it to him and he saved it. I really don't know how to handle this. He's shown me he loves me, but now I'm doubting everything and I hate that. Can I get some advice on what to do next? Am I overreacting? | Accidentally saw a photo of a underwear-clad woman on my boyfriends phone and don't know where to start in dealing with this situation. |
t3_3t5olk | relationships | Me [28 M] with my girlfriend [25 F] of 1.5 years, always feels so bad to the point of crying in every argument. | My girlfriend is an amazing and absolutely beautiful woman. She is an absolute perfectionist in everything that she does. Whether it may be school, gym, or anything in life she always gives it her all. She is truly one of a kind.
A lot of the times I mention an issue within the relationship, she argues with me and accuses me of trying to make her feel bad, then she ends up screaming because I won't drop the issue and in turn I feel horrible because she's sad and crying, and it gets increasingly harder to bring up issues. It's always about my feelings she says and not about hers because when something is bothering her I honestly really do try my best to fix the issue.
For example lately we haven't been that intimate and I got rejected a few times, and it feels like when shes doing sexual things with me it seems like its a chore for her. So I brought it up to her in the calmest way possible the next morning, and she accuses me of trying to ruin her day, accuses me of being cold to her, when honestly all I want to do is talk about it. Then honestly I feel so bad about myself because the last thing I want to do is make my girlfriend feel bad. I don't know what to do. | Everytime we argue about anything I get accused for trying to make her feel bad, then she cries and I feel so horrible. |
t3_38bwfs | relationships | Me [23F] with my husband [26M]of 2 years, his sister[28F] made up a story. I think she want us to broke up. | I've always been close with my SIL. Everytime i was there she would sit with me the entire time and tell me how happy she was that her brother found someone like me. Husband and her talk everyday on facetime and their friendship has always made me a bit jealous ( It's bad, i know ). She know we're trying to have children and she's (i think) happy for us. One week ago i had to use her washing machine while ours was broken. She was at work the whole time.
Here comes the weird part. This morning we were having breakfast with her, my husband and their parents. SIL was quiet the whole time. After maybe an hour i asked her what was wrong, to wich she replied; Oh! You know exactly what's wrong! She then went on her purse, grabbed a plastic back with a used condom in it. I knew it was an accusation. I asked her if she was trying to make a joke. She said something like; sure, because i like breaking people happiness! Laundry my ass. She claim that i was the only person coming in her house since 2 month(Except her girlfriend). Husband just left. Didn't even tried to get some explainations or anything. I followed him.
16 hours later here i am, on the couch crying like a b*tch. Husband is locked in our bedroom since we came back. I don't know what to do. If he want a divorce i have nowhere to go. No friends except him and his family. My family doesn't talk to me anymore and i'm broke af. How can i convince my husband that his sister is lying? He's closer to her than anyone.
Sorry if all of this was a bit hard to understand. English isn't my first language. | SIL made up a story, showing my husband and all his family a used condom that she claim was used by me (cheating). How do i convince my husband that his sister is lying ? |
t3_3th8jh | relationships | I [32M] said something really hateful to my wife [29F] of 2 years. I'm not sure how I make it up to her. | We've been married for 2 years (together for just over 5), and in that time we've never had many problems. The last two months, however, have been a different story. We have a new baby that has had colic, and that has been rough on all three of us. Pretty much lately we've been arguing constantly. I think it is fair to say that we've both been miserable lately and are taking it out on the other. With that in mind, last night we had an especially bad fight - the worse that we've ever had during our entire time together. It escalated to the point where she asked me if I regretted that she just didn't die in childbirth, and without really thinking, I said yes. The answer, I think, shocked both of us. I tried to apologize and tell her that I didn't mean it, but she locked herself and the baby in our bedroom and told me to leave. I wound up spending the night at my sister's house.
I've spent most of today trying to apologize to her, but I haven't gotten a response. I don't know how to express how sorry I am to her. I feel like nothing I can say or do will be enough, but I know I have to try. Is there anything I can do other than just apologizing? Will she be able to get past this? | wife asked me if I preferred she die in childbirth during argument, i said yes. How do I make this up to her? |
t3_13xvq1 | relationship_advice | I (19/f) find myself falling head over heels for one of you (19/m) that I've only been talking to for a month. Problem is, the guy lives really far away. Help? | About a month ago I (19/f) got a message from a fellow redditor (we'll call him Max, 19/m) that led to some casual chatting. Over time I found myself developing feelings as I got to know Max better. We had exchanged a few pictures of our faces but that was about it. One day we decided to chat on Skype so that we could communicate more quickly back and forth. The conversation lasted over 10 hours and I never went to sleep that night. A day or two later, we decided to use the video function of Skype but still continue to type as we smiled at each other and watched reactions to different topics. It felt extremely intimate and it was so special to finally get to see him. I was actually blown away by how incredibly attractive I found him. This of course led to real Skyping and eventually exchanging phone numbers.
We now text on and off, all day, every day. We Skype almost every night from about 10pm until 3 or 4 in the morning. I know it has only been a few weeks, but I can't help but develop strong emotions. I'm yet to find something about him that I don't like. Even upon originally talking, I joked that on paper he sounded like the soulmate I've always envisioned for myself. Problem is, he lives about 5 states away, which translates to approximately 1000 miles.
I know that it's absolutely crazy, but I find myself wanting to go to great lengths to get to know him better and possibly date him. I've considered looking into traveling to his state for my spring break and I'm genuinely looking at colleges that are within 3-4 hours of him. (I have been planning on transferring far away next year anyway).
So Reddit. Am I totally crazy or is it possible that this could turn into something amazing? I don't see he and I stopping talking anytime soon, so I'll update if anything changes. Feel free to ask me anything! I'll do my best to respond :)
Thanks so much! | Met guy on Reddit, chatting turned to Skyping and texting every day, lives 1000 miles away, considering going to great lengths to explore the possibility of a relationship with him. |
t3_tu1f3 | BreakUps | 29 and just broke up. Am I too old to find a loved one? | The title pretty much summarizes it. I just turned 29 and am out of an almost 2 year relationship. I loved this girl and she knew it. I am getting my PhD next semester and probably can get a decent job as well. But I am not taking this breakup very well. Of all the people I've met, she was the only one I was truly excited to be with. Being with someone whom I love and am excited about is probably of the highest priority in my life, even higher than having a well-paid job or my PhD. I fear I am too old now to start meeting new people, get to know them and grow in love with them. I am a weird person and not everyone can get along with me, and I can't see myself in a relationship with many people. I don't have problems getting dates, but she was the only one of all I can remember now, that I wanted to be forever.
Reddit, please prove me wrong. | GF dumped me despite my intense feelings for her. I feel I'm old to find a loved one again (29YO), and I am not taking this very well. |
t3_3dwfaj | relationship_advice | I'm [28/m] recently met wonderful [32/f] but its really complex | Hi reddit,
I recently met this women we've been seeing each other for the past month. shes wonderful pretty much all i ever wanted from a girl. shes outgoing very nice, attractive, we get along all the time and the time we spend together i never want it to end.
**but here's her past:**
she has 4 children which are now in foster care due to a domestic violence abuse case with her ex-husband. her ex-husband is currently in prison in the states. (we are in canada) her ex-husband got deported and isn't allowed back here. i know and i told her that he will always be apart of her life and i understand that part due to there past history and children.
i honestly am ok with this but i was just wondering. am i just heading down a road for disappointment and disaster? she says even if he ever tries to come back to her this isnt a concern due to restraining order put on him. but am i not seeing the big picture? | met wonderful women but has 4 children, ex-husband in prison for domestic violence case is currently in the states and isnt allowed back in canada. am i headed towards a dangerous situation? |
t3_24ltav | relationships | Me [28f] and my husband [29m] and a matter of honesty vs. empathy. | My husband and I have a little disagreement about something, and I'm kinda hoping that the people around here can give me some feedback on what's right, and what's a little grey.
My husbands side of the family is very brutal when it comes to honesty, even if it's rude and to your face. My family is different... Honesty isn't always the best policy, and if someone's got a giant pimple on their nose or a bad haircut, they likely know. (Not that my family is perfect, but on this issue I like our way better.)
I'm sure you can fill in your own examples. The two sides are pretty extreme. His side of the family are in many ways awesome people. I would wager that they'd give someone the shirt off their back if they needed it, but their have been times when I've been stunned silent by the way they talk.
So, recently, a conversation went on where one family member has gained a little weight. They went from an active job to a desk job. And they told one of his family members that they'd gained X pounds. The family member responded that it looked more like they'd gained double that. My jaw dropped. My husband says that's just how they are, but... Is this rudeness or honesty, and would it be appropriate to get angry if I were the one they'd said that to? (I'm not, by the way, just since I'm part of the family I'll likely face it at some point.)
I'm biased, I get that, but is this a normal thing and I've been sheltered away in a world of being polite, or... Is my husband right and this is just how they do things and no one should take offence? | Is it better to tell someone they have X wrong with them, or be polite and let them deal with it, in family situations? |
t3_q6uwt | dating_advice | Still no kissing after the fourth date. Should I be worried? | Background: I (22 F) met him (21) on OKC and about three weeks ago we had our first date. It went well but neither of us had a lot of time that day, so we just met at a theater, saw a movie, and went our separate ways afterwords. Since then we've hung out each weekend (we go to school in cities about 1.5 hours apart) and we text each other almost every night.
I would definitely say things have been going well, but I'm getting worried that he's not very attracted to me. We've spent a lot of time cuddling and holding hands, but so far that's it (except for one hug). Granted, I did catch a cold right before our third date, so it's understandable that he'd be afraid of getting sick. Also he is very shy and quiet (but he gets more relaxed each time we hang out).
I know he's probably just not comfortable with it yet, but I wanted a little advice. Would it be inappropriate of me to ask him about it? And for those of you who are thinking "why don't you just make a move," I don't really know how because I've never kissed anyone before but he has and I don't want to screw it up. | Had four good dates with a shy person who enjoys texting me all the time but we haven't gone past cuddling. What do? |
t3_2vvce2 | offmychest | [NAW] Yesterday I told my friend/crush that I liked her. | We're both in the same 12th grade class, and I have liked her since 10th grade. She's just absolutely amazing: caring, funny, hot as hell, and I've been a great friend to her throughout these last two years.
It happened yesterday on the bus, while I was discussing a serious matter that was taking place within our class (friendship issues). After a while, I saw an opportunity to say it, so I told her that I had this secret for a long time.
She said she wanted to know:
"Just get it off your system. "
So I went through cringe hellfire and said:
" I like you."
At first, she laughed. And so did I, because I had no idea what to do. I kept saying why I liked her, and she laughed a little bit more. She asked for how long I've liked her (probably didn't listen), and when I answered, she said:
"You should have told me that sooner!"
My body at this point is borderline nervous, and I couldn't even speak in a loud, coherent voice.
When we left the bus, we roamed through town, while I was telling her some situations where I've been hurt and appreciated by her, but never realised it.
When It was time to go, she said:
"Look, we've been friends for a very long time, and I won't stop talking to you because you told me this."
My mind was expecting a kiss out of nowhere, but that didn't get to happen.
Now I'm lying in bed, thinking about her, and what the future will hold for me. Maybe I'll ask her out, to prove myself what I can do.
This experience was a breakthrough for me, being this kid who in 6th grade had self-esteem issues and got bullied by almost everyone in class (even girls) and now took this giant step. | I grew some balls and told the woman I love what I felt for her. Don't know how to react, only relieved that I got it off my chest. |
t3_d9v8m | AskReddit | Reddit, can you give me advice about a recent emergency in my family? | I was called at work and told my wife could not be woken up on the couch. I came home immediately. I couldn't wake her up, but she was breathing.
I called her mother and we decided to load her into the car and take her to the ER. On the way she stopped breathing and her mother flagged down a cop on the street. He got the EMTs and they intubated her on the spot.
She ended up on a respirator for the night. The next day she was okay and they were planning to discharge her. Unfortunately the hospital staff had not accurately documented her meds (despite me and her mom telling them the history and current meds at least 4 times), and her respiritory system shut down a 2nd time. (This was partly my wife's fault for accepting meds she knew she was NOT on.)
Finally, that evening they discharged her to her mother's house and it ALL happened again. She nearly died, her mom did CPR and the re-admitted her to the ICU. They found pnuemonia in her right lung and said it was from the initial intubation.
Part of the problem is my wife's history as a drug addict. We've seen similar scene's with her, but not nearly this bad.
My questions are these: What can I do to improve the hospitals intake/communication problem so this doesn't happen to anyone else...
and: I have an opportunity to force my wife to do in-patient treatment. She has to do something different, but forcing someone to go to treatment usually does not work.
AND: Is it possible she had mild pnuemonia before all this happened? And the hospital just failed to catch it with their tests?
what should I do Reddit?
sewneo | My wife almost died 3 times in 48 hours, partly the hospitals fault and she's a druggie. What should I do? |
t3_23ps3n | jobs | Is it ever okay to re-contact a potential employer after you've interviewed with them and been turned down? | Okay, wall of text, but here's what's gone down:
A friend got an interview with software dev company he really liked/likes. Seemed like their co-founder really liked him, is basically dousing friend in compliments, says friend is very talented, invites him to do a paired programming exercise with an employee. The exercise goes well, and the employee "strongly recommends" friend to co-founder (Co-Founder told Friend this). They bring him on site for another exercise. Friend is introduced to everyone, not really interviewed so much as invited to get to know everyone. While he's there, they literally go into a room and leave him outside, clearly to discuss his potential as a new employee, and then come out with a "We're not sure yet."
Days later, Co-Founder tells Friend: "You didn't click as I'd hoped with the team. Sorry, but we won't be hiring you. You are immensely talented, however, and I would be happy to put you in contact with some other potential employers."
Thing is, Friend really likes this place. He's very idealistic about programming standards, and this place is down with that. I feel like he just rubbed one or two employees the wrong way (I wasn't there so I don't know what it was... but I do know he's not fantastic at first impressions), but the company seems like such a good match otherwise.
Is there any point at which it might be appropriate for Friend to reach out to the company again, reiterating interest? | Friend interviews with company after they communicate great interest in him. Doesn't go great. He's still really interested in working for them. Wat do? |
t3_2a9c7c | legaladvice | Purchased land with a "Generic Contract". Now I think I may have trouble... | The situation is this...
I have purchased a piece of primitive, unimproved property from a finance company... the company holds and carries the note.
Included in the generic contract they provided is the following clause...
"Purchaser shall not remove, harvest, or destroy any minerals or natural resources located on the property, and shall not cut, harvest, remove, or destroy any trees, timber, or plants located on the property...", and, "No one, including Purchaser shall partake in any act, which shall impair the value of said real estate... ...regardless of cause, reason, or intent without the Vendor's prior written, signed, and notarized consent."
...which seems to be telling me that I cannot even mow the grass without prior written, signed, and notarized permission.
Am I right?
So, presuming that I am right, I appeal to the finance company and I explain that this property is covered in OVERGROWN RANK VEGETATION several feet high in places, and that I would like permission to cut it down...because ticks, bugs, and 1000 other things live in it...and they reply in kind.
I ask first for permission. They give it quickly and happily via email...not signed, not notarized, just a "yeah it is a generic contract we use for everything...dont worry about it!" and a pat on the back.
So I appeal to them again. I explain that the contract says signed, notarized...which an email clearly is not. So we make plans for a fax to send me the appropriate paperwork...and I receive the fax...which is signed, and witnessed, and does indeed give me written permission too cut any plant I see fit...
...but it isnt notarized.
So my question is...should I try a third time to request the permission NOTARIZED, or am I making mountains out of mole hills? I have emails and communications going back several days--and I have 2 permission letters currently (1 by email and 1 by fax), but nothing notarized. | I want to cut grass and overgrown vegetation, but finance company says I need written notarized permission, then wont give it when I ask. I have asked twice. Should I ask a third/fourth time???? |
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