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t3_oi2g1 | relationships | To date, or not to date. That is the question. | My really good friend and I have been through a lot together, my second semester of college started out with me being diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma (cancer). That same semester I found out she too was sick with something else and took the semester off. We were there for each other in some really rough times. I never told her how I felt though... I was certain she didn't feel the same way.
Two and a half years later (this past fall) she wrote me saying how she has had feelings for me since we took that semester off. It brought tears to me eyes. I told her how I too had feelings for her.. Although here I am on my last day of winter break about to say good bye to her. She has never had a boyfriend before so I think some of these things are hard for her. I feel weird not giving her a chance to date other guys first? ( sounds weird i know). We go to school 5 hours apart. I think I need to talk to her about what we should do about us. I just find it such a weird coincidence that we both got sick the same semester... | My best friend and I have been through a lot together and we finally admitted to liking each other. Now we have to decide if a long distance relationship is doable. |
t3_130g7k | AskReddit | Do you have any stories that instantly disprove karma? | My dad isn't usually the type of guy to help people for no reason but for some reason he decided to help this younger guy that got kicked out by his parents. My dad let him stay at his home, eat for free, helped him get a job, and even bailed him out of jail (for minor things) on 2 occassions. After about 6 months of this guy living with my dad, he finds out that he's sleeping with my mom. Apparently my mom had been doing meth with this kid and having sex with him just about the entire time. This kid was only 20 years old and having sex with my 45 year old mother in my dad's own bed! When I found this out I instantly stopped believing in karma. I was never really superstitious before but this did me in. | dad takes in 20 year old, feeds him, gives him a place to live, gives him a job and bails him out of jail so kid sleeps with and does meth with my mom |
t3_3hqj85 | relationships | When and how should I tell my GF [23F] of 4 months that I [23M] like to write roleplay? | Since I was 12, curiosity led me down a rabbit hole on the internet, and I eventually discovered role playing. The type of roleplay is more akin to creating or playing an established character, fleshing out a story with a group or one person, and then typing out the story post by post. My role playing interests have come and gone, but I've always come back to it. I've done everything from pure action and adventure to romance to some really kinky hard stuff.
I have never told anyone in real life that I enjoy rp'ing. Partially because I don't want to be judged on and a person potentially finding out if I do some weird shit RP sometimes.
I've recently met a wonderful girl and we get along great. We have a lot in common, finish each other's sentences, and she is just the sweetest girl a guy could ever have. Point is, I really, really like her.
But here's the thing. Before and during our relationship, I have been involved in some RPs on certain websites. Most of them do carry ROMANTIC undertones. For example, playing a character in a witchcraft high school. The goal is to have action and such, but romance is never out of the question. Another RP is more one on one in nature about a post apocalyptic (think Fallout) world where my character is a mob gangster meeting a female character who will carry huge impact in our story's world. Once again, eventual romantic undertones.
And yes, when there is romance, it leads to writing out the sex as well.
But the thing is, I do not have any attachment to the partner behind the screen. Yes I might get a bit emotional when my character is hurting or I might get aroused during a sex scene. But I understand it's all fantasy and know to separate that from reality.
I'm just not sure if my GF will understand it. But I feel like she has the right to know. If not now, then someday.
Is right now the time? If so, what should I say? Should I exclude anything (like sex scenes)? Should I quit RP? What should I do? | Wondering if I should tell my GF that I role play. Some role plays contain romantic or sexual undertones. |
t3_gqvj1 | AskReddit | My cousin was arrested yesterday and is now looking at 1-3 years in jail. I don't know what to do. | I feel like a back story is needed to fully understand the situation. A month ago, my cousin, he's about 45-50ish, had a kidney and heart failure and was admitted into a hospital for care. They ended up having to put him into a medically induced coma to relieve his body from the stress. He took a turn for the worse and couldn't get out of the coma. As of last week, he came out of it and was able to pass the swallow test. For those unfamiliar, it is given to someone who is thought to have lost complete function of their body. Now he is entering rehab and surely, but slowly, will be gaining his body movements back.
Here's where my cousin comes in. He is my older cousins son. He is 18 and around 16 starting developing a drinking problem. I don't know the details, but yesterday he was charged with underage drinking, possession of an illegal gun, and stealing from his father. I am assuming that he was just acting out from the grief of his father being very ill.
Now, I am very close to my cousin. That whole side of the family is close due to the fact of it being very small and all the recent deaths we have faced. His parents are divorced and from what I heard, she had been enabling his recent behavior, she is a stupid cunt. I am 20 yrs and when his drinking habits started, I tried pushing him in the other direction, so did the rest of my family.
So here I am, reddit, because I don't know what to do. He is looking at 1 to 3 years in jail, or if he's lucky, probation. I'm posting because I want to see if anyone else has been in a situation where a close family remember ended up in jail, and what they did to cope. I don't know what to expect. | My 18 year old cousin was arrested, looking at some jail time. What are some ways to cope. How can I be supportive? |
t3_3a1y6y | relationships | Me [21F] Never had a boyfriend. I need your help and advice reddit. | After another short lived failed fling, I'm turning to you, reddit, for advice on my pathetic dating life. A little about me, I've never had a boyfriend and my average dating relationships only last about a month. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm moderately attractive, and in good shape. I'm nice and funny, and intelligent. I feel like I have a lot to offer, but guys don't seem to see it.
What happens is I'll meet someone through class, or work. We'll talk and realize we have a lot in common. Maybe go on a few dates, all the normal stuff. I'll start to feel a connection with them. And I start thinking that finally, maybe I'm doing this right, and that this could go somewhere. But it never does. They fade away and I guess they lose interest. And I don't know why. I've been suggested that it is because I'm attracted to emotionally unavailable guys, but I don't really see that as a logical possibility. It seems like a cop out explanation just to spare my feelings.
Maybe I'm acting too desperate? I don't know. I'm just looking for a real connection with someone and I just always end up getting hurt and rejected. And I'm sick of it. The fact that it keeps happening over and over again must mean that it's something that I am doing wrong. So if anyone has had a similar experience or any advice I would really appreciate it. | I keep meeting guys that I feel a connection with and it never works out, is there anything I'm doing wrong? |
t3_1bfbn4 | relationships | Me (M28), GF (F25), + Roommates (2 men 25-27, 1 female 24). | I am know what I like to do, and what I don't like to do. I don't like sitting in the gossip huddle talking about drugs, RuPaul's drag show, and how the corporations are coming to kill us all via resource depletion or some shit. Sometimes we play some type of boardgame or party game, but since I don't drink, another snag apparently ffs, those get old after a round or two.
I do, however like video games. I am a genuine, shameless video game nerd, always have been, always will be. I also like physical competition.
Now that the context is out of the way, the problem is whenever these social huddles start, I tend to either slink away to the computer/bedroom, or stay on the computer/bedroom, **if** I have some type of obligation like a raid or work if its after 8pm . Those are usually for a couple hours a couple times per week. When I do hangout, it seems subconscious, but I start vegatating and it shows. It is damn near impossible to fake interest in the conversations because my face apparently gives it away. I considered talking video games with them, but then I figure that I would be doing the same thing they are doing, and will likely have a similar result.
This is the main snag in the relationship. I hang out with her fine, and I don't have any problems with my roommates. I value time higher than money, so when I feel like I am wasting my time on asinine conversation it starts to get miserable after 15-30 minutes. Of course they love talking about that crap. I've already explained hundreds of times that either its too late, I have prior obligations, or I just find it uninteresting in just as many ways. At this point, explaining is why to her futile so I have to appear to be having fun with it, or change the game. We've been together for 3 years. | So how do I either fake interest, since I'm sure that is a learned skill, or change the conversation to something everyone can enjoy? |
t3_1dccf2 | BreakUps | First hearbreak at 32: can anybody share experience for latecomers like me? | My ex (27f) broke up with me (32m) a few months ago after a 15 month relationship. It was definitely a seriously relationship. Not only that, it was really my first serious relationship. She was the first girl I fell in love with and had any strong reciprocated feelings for.
It's been a pretty rough time since then. I started feeling like I was rounding a corner but then found out that she got a job where she is going to stay in the same town as me (she's European and I had been expecting on her leaving the country soon, which I think would have helped). Anyway, the news of her getting a job she's excited about has made me sort of relapse and I'm feeling pretty awful again.
I am just curious to see if anybody else has had a similar experience of getting into their first relationship this late, and having to deal with the heartbreak of it ending. I know breakups are never easy, but I feel like on top of the sadness I'm dealing with stuff I should have learned to deal with a decade ago. So any advice or shared stories, or whatever, would be appreciated. | Can anyone who didn't have their heart broken (or a real relationship) until their 30s tell me how they dealt with it? |
t3_10cada | relationships | I (m21) am dating my g/f of less than a month (f21) and she acts like she doesn't care. | I recently got into a relationship with my girlfriend even though it has been short and we moved really fast into the relationship. We've already had sex which I think has complicated things. The one night we hung out to meet each other she seemed fine, but the other night she was a bit tipsy and I took her over to her friends house to "chill" but ended up watching both of them smoke a blunt. Weed is ok, but the fact that I can't seem to talk to her with her having a clear mind upsets me. She also hasn't said much to me in the last couple of days and I feel like I'm being ignored and also feel like I was her sexual itch for the week last week. I really care about her and I don't want her to fall into the wrong hole, but I want her to understand I care and that I'm here for her. | Girlfriend of less than a month acts like she's not into me after having sex with me and us knowing each other for less than a month. |
t3_k7kkd | AskReddit | Correct usage of (c), (r), and (tm) on webpages? | Hi, I'm a network admin for a small company who resells software, and offers services using some of the software we sell. One of my duties is maintenance of the company's website.
I often run into an issue with the people asking me to create/change pages that they want (c) (r) (tm) to follow every mention of any name that doesn't belong to us. In my research, it *seems* that use of these symbols is entirely optional. (as long as they are properly registered and qualify for use of course)
Can someone point me to a resource that explains when it is appropriate, required, and/or polite to use these symbols? I don't want our webpages covered in hundreds of these symbols out of some strange paranoia that we're legally required to use them. Thanks! | What is the proper usage (both legal and 'polite') of these symbols when creating webpages mentioning companies and products you do not own? |
t3_2u7kqz | jobs | Current job is temp with no health insurance. Actively looking for another job, but should I request health insurance in the mean time from my current job? | I'm currently employed on contract which is supposed to end in 2 months. I'm 95% certain the contract will be extended as it was once before, pretty much leaving me in a perma-temp position with no health insurance. This was fine until now (my city-provided insurance just ended.) I'm also almost certain that if I request insurance from my current job, they will most likely provide it. However, I'm actively seeking other opportunities, mainly for a better salary, so I feel like getting insurance from my current job and then suddenly leaving (hopefully) soon would result in some hard feelings. I know they have plans to keep me in the long run if we get funding (scientific research), and this place took a chance on me when I was desperate. It's a great job that I enjoy, but the salary isn't as competitive as similar positions at other companies. How would r/jobs proceed in this situation? | do I seek health insurance from my current job if I plan to leave as soon as I find a better paying job? |
t3_30igy4 | jobs | Need Advice - Career Change after Being Unemployed for almost a year. Please help me! | Hello everyone. So a little backstory about my situation. I graduated from a respectable university in 2010 with two majors: Political Science and International Relations. I live in the USA. Ever since I graduated, I've had pretty steady jobs in the world of politics, from helping run a congressional campaign to helping run presidential campaigns. I've basically jumped from campaign to campaign working literally 24/7 but gaining meaningful world experience. Last May, I finished up my latest campaign assignment. Due to a lot of things happening during the summer (family wedding and my dad being sick), I did not actively look for another job thinking once the wedding was over, I'd begin looking. In October, my father passed away and I had to deal with tons of stuff (business-related and emotionally) so I didn't have time to apply for jobs. I recently started looking for jobs in January. I decided that this time, I want to look for a job that is relatively stable after jumping campaign to campaign. Also because working in political campaigns is essentially very low pay for very long hours and I feel I'm headed nowhere. I've started applying to jobs in the non-political marketing/communications field since I believe I can translate my political experiences into the field. After 3 months of looking, I am in a serious state of depression. No one has replied to my applications and I've applied to around 40ish jobs. I have kept my political experiences on my resume because if I removed them it would look like I haven't worked since 2009. It is skewed very much towards one party but I'm really not feeling party politics anymore. Would anyone be able to advise me/push me in the right direction as to how to apply for jobs in my desired field? Or is it the wrong decision to make a career change? | Want to make a career change in the marketing/digital/communications field after working solely partisan political jobs and being unemployed since last May. Please help/advise! |
t3_2f2i5k | loseit | 19 year old guy looking for some exercises. | I started to lose weight about a year ago and lost about 20 pounds between September to November of last year. I've been able to maintain it rather well and I eventually joined weight watchers around January or February of this year. I haven't lost much due to overall lack of motivation. I started at about 245 and I'm at about 220 now. However considering the anniversary of when I decided to start losing weight is fast approaching I've been feeling a lot of motivation. I've been back on the program full force but just dieting isn't enough at this point. I really wanna start dropping faster.
So I have access to a bowflex and a treadmill and I really wanna start using them but I don't know where to begin. Every exercise program I find online is either about how to get ripped or way past my beginner knowledge of exercise. So basically what I asking for is does anyone know of an exercise regimen that is well suited for people who haven't exercised a day in their life and is geared for health and not muscle and bulking up. | I need to exercise and everything I can find is about muscle not health and is too advanced. Can you help out? |
t3_od2ke | AskReddit | So Reddit, how have YOU made a complete ass of yourself at work? | Allow me to start.
In my office, we have two old mini fridges. One has a moderate ice problem going on in the freezer, but the other was so full of ice, there was only a golf ball sized bit of free space in there. It shut itself off today and started to melt all over the place. We could have defrosted both of them, HOWEVER, we're not supposed to even have the fridges in there. Pretty sure everyone knows about them anyway, but it's kind of a don't-ask-don't-tell kinda thing.
So we devise a plan to blow a heater (which we also are not technically supposed to have in there) on the ice to melt as much as we can and then chip away at it with a screwdriver and a hammer. One of the old bitties in the office starts the chipping. Does a pretty good job. Then another takes over and gets even more ice out. She actually hits a spot on the bottom of the thin metal freezer section and makes a small hole. Oh well.
Well, the end of the day came and everyone left except for our office supervisor and her assistant. So I take over the chipping. At this point, the shit is really melting so taking out big chunks of ice is no problem. I'm chipping away happily and then all of a sudden I hit the bottom of the freezer and hear a loud hissing noise and freak out. WTF WTF. My supervisor comes running from her little sub-office in our office and tells me to put the heater away. Busted the fucking freon. There was NO way I could have known that in that particular spot hidden under ice was a freon pipe. I wasn't hitting it too hard either. Buuuut it just seemed to happen that way.
My supervisor thought it was hilarious. Though she said I should have just quit while I was ahead and let it go until tomorrow. I was just trying to help buuuut naturally this shit happens. I've only been there for one year. And NOW, all the gossipy bitches in my office will have something fun and exciting to gab about. Yay! | Accidentally stabbed a freon pipe, destroying one of two mini fridges in my office, and probably some of the ozone layer along with it. |
t3_3re7jt | relationships | [ADVICE] My boyfriend [22M] wants me [19F] to move in with him and friends [18-20MF] and I don't know what to do! | So for the last 3 months, a friend of mine and my partner has been waiting for an inheritance to come through so she can buy a house. She asked me and my partner if we'd like to rent a room off her for a pretty cheap rate, and we agreed.
At the moment, we are both currently living in a summer house in my parent's garden, and have been doing for the past 2 years. This sounds a lot better than it is; The room is 9ft by 7ft, no insulation (very cold in winter!) and also houses 2 bicycles... so no space whatsoever!
The problem is that I am in my first year of uni, and chose to stay at home to save money. I also have a lot of work to do in order to pass. I will be the only student in the house, and there will be my boyfriend and one other friend who work full time, 2 friends who literally do nothing, and someone else (the landlady) who works part time. Did I mention it's a 3 bed house?
Also, everyone else are party people. Like, easily spend over £100 a weekend party people. I'm not. I also have emetophobia, which is an anxiety disorder, and I am scared of getting ill, or being around people who are sick (as in physically). And being in a house full of drinkers gives me panic attacks.
Anyway, we're supposed to be moving in this weekend and I have no idea what to do! Any advice? | Getting cold feet before I move house. Am the worlds most indecisive person, and have 2 days to make a decision |
t3_4aejoc | personalfinance | Should I remain a dependent on my parents' health insurance? | Hello all. I'm a full-time college student, living out-of-state, in the southeastern U.S. I have some important decisions to make in the way of insurance over the coming months, and was hoping for some advice.
As of the present time, I'm 19, and am a dependent on my parents' health insurance—Blue Cross/Blue Shield. Our plan is structured as a Health Savings Account, which makes for a high deductible, $5,450 annually for the family (mom, dad, and myself).
In a normal year, we'd never use $5,450 of medical services, as we're all in very good health, so all medical costs would be out of pocket. However, I've recently started seeing an allergist, and am now on regular immunotherapy treatments; thus, it's only March, and I'm already halfway to the deductible. My provider has also written prescriptions for which there is no generic alternative, amounting to ~$800, which I'd just have to eat.
My parents are in the 55-60 age range, so the monthly premium is in the top price tier, and increases steeply each year. It won't save them much on their premium if I drop off, but what I'm really interested in is a lower deductible. I'm no longer a dependent for tax purposes, and my taxable income is less than the $49,500/year threshold, so I could probably get a tax credit or subsidy toward an insurance plan of my own.
Continuing on my parents' plan is going to cost me thousands of dollars because of their crazy high deductible; further, since I'm an out-of-state student, my local provider may be out of network. **So, my question is this:** the Affordable Care Act (ACA) permits me to stay on my parents' coverage until I'm 26. Would it be smart, in this circumstance, to find a local insurance broker in my state to write me up a separate policy, and drop my parents' plan? Ideally, I'd like to pay <$200 a month, and have a deductible of <$1,000, with comprehensive coverage. | Parents are on a HSA, deductible is high. My medical expenses are high. I want insurance to pay them, not me. Should I drop my parents' plan? |
t3_wpfwn | AskReddit | What are some of your bank's horror stories? (and possibly some recommendations) | I just found that today someone on my Wells Fargo joint account wiped my bank account of all the funds that I have and even left me in the negatives. I am currently studying abroad and I just have $80 bucks in my wallet to keep me alive. A friend of mine has a reimbursement check he is willing to deposit in my account for me and I decided to email Wells Fargo so they could possibly put a note on my account telling him he is allowed to do so. When I emailed them (because I can't call them since I'm in another country) I basically my current predicament and how I am panicking and to please allow my friend to do this for me on my account. [This is what they emailed back to me](
Apparently they just emailed me the terms and conditions for overdraft (as if I didn't f**king know already) and avoided the whole purpose of my email. Thanks Wells Fargo. After 14 years you just lost a customer.
What are some of your guys' bank horror stories and what other banks do you recommend looking into? | Someone took all the money I have to my name. Emailed Wells Fargo to tell them my friend is depositing a check for me. Sent back their Overdraft terms and conditions |
t3_tz1zq | AskReddit | My friend and I like the same girl, I'm thinking of asking her out next week. Any advice? | So here's the story: I've liked this girl for about a year and a half now, and I've been too scared to ask her out. But now, I've finally racked up the courage and told myself "the worst she can say is no"
Theres only one problem my best friend likes her as well. The thing is, I'm not sure if I should tell him that I have feelings for her too, or should just go behind his back and do it behind closed curtains?
I would tell him, it's just he can be really insensitive sometimes. He's still a cool guy to hang around with, just not really a good guy to get life advice from.
So reddit, what should I do? | Best-friend and I like the same girl, I'm going to ask her out next week, unsure whether to tell my friend as he can be insensitive at times |
t3_1s8wcz | relationships | I [21F] have a problem with my boyfriend [22M] of three years' masterbation habits. | This year hasn't been very good to me because I lost someone important to me. My dad was diagnosed with cancer about a year ago and unfortunately, he passed away almost 2 months ago. I haven't been crying myself to sleep anymore but I still am grieving. My SO and I do engage in sexual activities almost on an every other day basis prior to all of this but now that my father passed away, I haven't been feeling like engaging on any. My SO confesses that his hormones are at an all-time high and he pretty much needs to relieve himself any time he sees a good-looking woman on tv. It has turned into this every day thing that he has to do and sometimes, he has to do it in order to fall asleep. Whenever we're alone, he does try to initiate but I just kind of stop him and we just end up kissing.
It does bother me that I cannot give him happiness in *that* way due to the fact that it's still very hard for me to process these personal issues and he knows that. He has been there for me whenever I need him. I just feel bothered about the amount of masterbation that he has been doing and just his constant need for me to relieve him. Is it right for me to ask him to maybe tone it down a bit or stop because he might be having a slight addiction to masterbation? | My dad passed away recently and it's been hard for me to engage in sexual activities with my horndog of a boyfriend so he resorts to an uncontrollable amount of masterbation. |
t3_36rkfu | relationships | I [F/25] am spending Memorial Day weekend with my partner's [M/24] friends [M/F 24-25] and they're already driving me nuts! Tips on how to handle gracefully? | Hi All,
Myself, my partner and his friends (two couples) are heading up to a vacation house for the long weekend. It's a multi-hour drive one way (assuming no traffic - which of course there will be tons) and then 2.5 days of activities.
They're truly nice people - don't misunderstand. And I enjoy spending time with them - in small doses. The main concern is they're all just very opinionated and need to be right. Normally I'm fine letting others have their way but we've already had one disagreement about which route to drive that I feel pretty strongly about as the primary driver on the trip. | tTps on how to handle extended exposure to people who are overall very nice, but a bit annoying? In particular, ways to just let disagreements go? |
t3_30woq2 | relationships | Me [33F] with my very new boyfriend [36M] of 1 month, he's still on the dating site we met on | So I met this guy on a dating site a couple of months ago and we really clicked, talked all the time. After a month we decided to meet and really hit it off. As far as I know, we've been dating exclusively since then.
My problem is, he is still actively on the dating site I met him on. I have asked him about it, and he says that he "has a look if I get a notification" and asked if it bothered me. Yes, it does! I feel a bit like he's going out with me, and meanwhile he's on there looking for something better.
I really like this guy and don't want to fuck it up by insisting he delete it, and I get that a month is really soon, but it's really starting to play on my self esteem a bit. | Guy I've been going out with for a month is still on the dating site we met on and it's pissing me off. |
t3_370wt5 | relationships | My [24 F] SO [21 M] gets upset when I don't immediately reply to his text messages | I'm going to try to keep this brief. I've been dating my SO for about 10 months now. I was out today with my dad doing some chores (DMV, ordering tires, and grocery shopping) while my SO was texting me throughout the day during his vacation with his friend. I don't typically hear my phone when I'm out so I don't always respond immediately, but I do make a point of checking my phone at least every 10-15 minutes. That amount of time is too much for him though and he expects me to respond to him every 5 minutes even if I consider myself preoccupied. He says that if he is able to respond to me at least every 5 minutes, then I should be able to as well, but I just don't habitually check my phone that often. This hasn't been the only occasion he has gotten upset at me, even before we dated he would get angry that I didn't respond fast enough. I've been trying to check my phone more often for him because I know it upsets him, but I feel this is getting out of hand. | Went out shopping with my dad and my SO said I was inconsiderate for not replying to his texts every 5 minutes. |
t3_1w7sf5 | relationships | Me [M 19] and my girlfriend [F 18] of 8 months can't decide whether to study at the same or different universities | Me and my girlfriend have been very good friends for the last two and a half years, and in a fairly healthy relationship for the last eight months. We're in mostly the same classes in school, so we see each other all the time. Soon we'll have to apply for university, and while I want to study mathematics at one university, she wants to study biochemistry at another. Both universities provide more or less equivalent studies, so it is *possible* for us to study at the same university, but we both find one university to be a bit better for us.
The problem is, these two universities lie about 500 km away from each other, so it would be pretty expensive to visit each other in person (around $200 each visit on a total monthly budget of around $1100, about half of which goes to housing), and we would probably not have more than one or two such visits per month. In addition, it's (unsurprisingly) more expensive for us to rent to separate apartments than to share one.
Bottom line is, we can't really decide whether to study at our preferred universities or to study together, because neither option is more advantageous or disadvantageous. Therefore I want to ask you, Reddit, for advice on our situation. | Girlfriend and I can't decide whether to sacrifice together time and budget for studying at our preferred universities, or to study at the same university but have better budget and together time. Any advice for us? |
t3_2jriqb | relationships | I [22 M]just broke up with my girlfriend[22F] of 3 1/2 years tonight. | Im pretty sure she is cheating on me right now actually. To keep it simple, today she decided to pick a fight with me over something very small. she used that as an excuse to go out and drink with her
friends.
As she is out i start texting her and talking about what she did earlier. i got mad and told her to not even come home until i was already asleep(first mistake, or not a "mistake" but you get the idea). i wake up at 2 and realize she still isnt home yet. i call her and can hear that she is drunk so i decide to play with her head a little to see if i can tell who shes with. basically went, "hey wtf i have a friend at your location, tell me who youre with right now so you have a shot at being honest". somehow that worked and she told me that she was with this kid that she once hooked up with and his friend.
im fuming at this point. i told her we were done and that she has to sleep at her grandmas tonight, and tomorrow she can get her shit(second mistake, or blessing, whatever). she did not go to her grandmas and she has no where else to go so i assume she at this kids house right now this very moment. I am extremely distraught but i have no emotion. i cant sleep and will most likely call out of work tomorrow so i can be here while she gets her shit out. please, i guess what im asking for is some advice on how to go about this situation. she was my first love and i know my mindset will change soon and ill be sad as shit but i want to be prepared for that as much as possible.
most likely, tomorrow she will try to apologize for everything and i really dont want to get back with her because she is terrible when shes drunk and were both young. being drunk is going to be like 10% of my life till im 30. | bitch i been with for like 3 1/2 years decided to cheat on me, probably gonna try to reconcile but fuck that. need advice on moving on please. |
t3_2blozd | relationships | Me [28F] with my husband [30 M] of 2 months, wakes me up early every morning because he can't stop snoozing his alarm. | Just looking for a little advice here. I'm lucky that it's not cheating or any of the other many of you here have to deal with, but still affecting me.
My husband of 2 months (been together for 8 years), recently got a new work schedule (about a month ago). He now wakes up at 4:30 every morning to be at work at 6; I don't need to be awake until 6:30 to be at work at 8. His first alarm goes off at 4:30 and then every 5 minutes until 5:00 sometimes 5:10. I am a very light sleeper, so I'm also awake during this period of snoozing every 5 minutes.
I have asked him before to please limit his snoozing to 2 times but he keeps reverting to the every 5 minutes nonsense.
I finally had enough this morning and at 5:00 I grabbed my pillow and slept downstairs.
I sent him a text message after I got to work, giving him a few options as I am fed up with this situation. He can limit his alarms, he can go into the guest room on his first alarm so the alarms that follow don't wake me up, or we can split up the week by sleeping separately. I would choose the first one, but I thought I'd give him the options. He followed up with "Whatever the hell you want".
Generally he is a sweet loving husband but I'm just very confused as to why he's getting so upset at ME. Am I wrong for being so angry at his morning ritual? | Husband snoozes every 5 minutes for a half hour or longer, 2 hours before I need to be awake every morning, waking me up in the process. |
t3_32vf1b | askwomenadvice | [25/M] Just came to the realization that I'm a closet misogynist due to my uglyness. Help? | So I'm really insecure. Primarily because I've been told I'm ugly all my life. Keep in mind, I'm far from fat. In fact, I'm underweight. 5'7" and 115lbs. But I have thin hair, and thin body hair which makes my eyebrows look almost non-existent.
That being said. I used to take my anger out on women on Reddit and other online forums. Just so I can let all the anger out, so I won't have to hate myself for being rejected.
That being said, is it possible that I can ever be attractive? Would you women ever give me a chance out of pity just knowing that I'm intelligent, somewhat funny, and caring? I don't want to be a bad person is all. And I've said some really mean things to women on reddit, because I don't like hating myself due to how ugly I am.
That being said, I am not REALLY a misogynist. I have a few female friends who I really enjoy, and I was raised around mostly women. I just have a bitter feeling towards women my age that I'm attracted to. I've been on tinder and OKCupid and not much luck. This makes me feel super bitter. | I hate women (but not really) due to how ugly I am. What can I do to make myself not so shitty. |
t3_354yoh | tifu | TIFU by getting really drunk the night before an assessment. | Okay so this story pans out over the last 4/5 days but first a little background information is needed. I am a first year uni student and I also have a part time job at a local pub (Without this job I would have resorted to eating socks months ago) and I usually work every Friday, Saturday & Sunday close, this week was no different. So I work the close and we finish around 3am each night but then I have an 1 till 8 on Monday due to bank holiday, now this is where things go downhill.
I am already shattered at this point and could probably sleep for a week but after work I get invited to go out for a few drinks by one of my work colleagues who I really like, you can probably see where this is heading.
It starts off "Oh we will only have a few!" Then what do you know 6 pints, 3 Joints & a few nitrous oxide balloons later I am standing in a club thinking "Fuck!! I've got an assessment in a few hours!" (The only reason I went is because the girl I like decided to go at the last minute and I was already smashed, so logic was out of the window.) Now It's got to the point where I can't see straight, can't walk, hell I can't even roll a cigarette. Oh and to top things off my flat card snapped in half so I spend the next half hour attempting to get into my flat (and somehow did it) then proceed to pass out on my bed.
Now my assessment was at 10, I wake up at 1 to see my Director standing over my bed, looking very pissed off after breaking into my flat. Well fuck.
It took me a good few hours to sober up after waking up and depending how things go I might have to retake the entire year because I royally fucked up on a night out just because Alcohol, Drugs & a girl I like was involved. | I got horrendously drunk/high the night before an Assessment because there was drugs, alcohol and girls. Then slept through the assessment and my Director broke into my flat to wake me up. |
t3_tsxp9 | AskReddit | My ex says we are friends, but always comes over, sex, cuddles etc etc. I need a good way to tell her that her logic is flawed. | Backstory, i broke up with her for reasons that dont really matter. I still love the girl very much and would like to get back together. But the thing is now she insists that we are just friends (with benefits) while some would say this is the "dream" position, its just not for me at this point in time.
She always wants to be with me, comes over we cuddle and shit, have sex etc. Its like i am in a relationship but she insists that we are just friends. One example is like this we can be sitting there watching a movie, i turn around, i kiss her and then she suddenly says "I think you are getting a little to close" and like 5 minutes later she comes crawling into my lap and pulls down my head and start to kiss.
I got hundreds of those stories, and i gotta say my mind is twisting around itself so much i cant really think in a normal way anymore.
Usually im very good at talking and get my point across, but this girl, man she just makes my head go blank.
What i need from reddit is smart comments/conversations that can help my case in order to really get the point across to her. In a way that she would understand. I know reddit is the biggest bowl of some of the smartest/funniest people in the world, so im guessing if you guys/girls cant help me no one can. | ex instits we are friends, we have sex and are together all the time, what can i say to her to make her understand this is dumb we should just be together again. |
t3_11uj51 | relationships | 26[M ]& 26[F] I told a coworker that I liked her, haven't heard back in two days, how do I diffuse this awkward situation and get back to normal? | So I've been talking with a coworker and I had a bit of a crush on her but we're both kinda sorta seeing people... I've been in a long distance relationship with a girl for the past 4 years and I think i'm at a point where I actually need some one to be there, just sick of the long distance thing and i've mentally checked out of this relationship a while back (not excusing any of my actions, just describing my state of mind). I'm planning to break up with the girlfriend but have been waiting for the correct time...
The girl I work with is sort of stuck on some guy she had been seeing for a few months and he dumped her because she flipped out when he went missing for a couple of days with out any contact(this is from what she's told me, so i only know one side of the story). She's been hanging out with him again on the weekends recently, so im unsure if she was trying to work things out or what... Any ways my goal is to normalize things cause we work in the same vicinity and I don't want it to get awkward or weird. What combination of words should set things right? | I subtly told this girl I work with that I like her and haven't heard anything back in a couple of days. I don't want it becoming awkward, how do i diffuse the situation and get back to normal? |
t3_3bbsmi | relationships | [M/22] Concerned about GF's [F/24] weight gain | My girlfriend of 2 years moved in with me recently, and about 2 months ago, she lost her job. It's not big deal, as I'm still working, and her mom sends her some money every month, but she's been rapidly gaining weight.
It's not so much a matter of attraction, I'll love her at any size, but my main concern is the impact this could be having on your health. I don't want to just flat out tell her she's gotten fat, because that would be really upsetting for her. I've tried helping her lose it by cooking healthier, and in smaller portions, but this just results in her snacking much more.
Last time she weighed herself she was a little under 160, but she's only 5'1". She's not very active either, as I usually come home to her passed on the couch or at her computer (with a stack of plates and food wrappers) | GF's getting fat, and doesn't seem to notice/care, does anyone have any advice to go about helping her? |
t3_319l56 | relationships | [Update] My (30 m) GF (25 F) has become more hostile and I'm considering leaving | So to update, I did make attempts by sending 1 text a day just to ask how she is. But 2 sundays ago she sends a long text to me stating how she was stupid to spend the money and how everyone except for a random friend didnt stop her. And then proceeds to blame me that her spending the money couldve been stopped if I wasnt stubbourn about living in my current apartment with my ex. I would not get another text from her till Friday last week.
I spoke with friends and family about this and they all say that it's not my fault. I agree as I never asked for a penny. People did try to stop her from spending. She was just impulsive and didnt care.
So fast forward to this past Friday, she finally sends me a text being upset that "why did you tell everyone about that?" You should have a tattoo on your head with all your problems"
so twice she breaks silence by being hurtful. I told her "well you NEVER talk to me" to which she retorted that "you say the same things and our conversations are mundane" I tried to reason with her saying that she should talk to me about whatever. I dont care if it is as long as we keep communication.
I then asked to call her so we can talk and all she said was no and wanted to play an online game. She proceeded to say "youre pissing me off" "you cant Save anything" "youre doing a horrible job trying to save the relationship" "you make it about you"
So after that I just left her alone. I spoke with her mom that I am on my last legs with this relationship. Her mom said that shes just very stressed from being alone in Texas and has nothing and is adjusting. I told her that im going silent and not doing anything involving her or even visiting till she talks to me like a girlfriend.
So now day 6 and still silence. Im really looking at if maybe I should just move on now. | gf is still distant to where she wont talk to me but everyone else or if she does its being very vicious. Looking at either giving benefit of the doubt from her stress of being far away from everything or just leaving at this point |
t3_3mjdcc | tifu | TIFU by leaving my house when someone broke in. | This actually happened a couple months ago.
I was watching South Park before I went to bed. I got too tired to finish the episode, so I just closed my laptop lid. I wake up at 3am hearing South Park being played from my laptop for the quickest second. At first I think it's just my head fucking with me, but decide to take a look anyway.
I go into my living room and turn on my light. I lift the lid of my laptop and surprise, it continued from where I heard it in the bedroom. I close the lid, and look behind me. I see two shoes poking out of the closet, immediately freak out in my head. Calmly get up, turn off living room light, head to my room grab my cell phone. I go outside and call the cops.
Oh right, I'm transgendered, and I was just starting my transitional period at this time. So I ran outside in boyshorts, scared calling the cops. 10 minutes of them telling me to calm down and that they are on there way, they finally show up at my house. Me being naked wearing womens underwear, going to cry, tell them all that they need to know regarding my house.
They go into the house, and lo and behold, no one. No one is in the house. I tell them I saw shoes poking out of my god damn closet, and showed them where, and they think I saw a broom. The cops think I'm crazy, on drugs, or drunk. They do their thing, question me why I'm wearing womens underwear, explain my situation. They think its the pills fault (it's not), and still think I'm crazy. Now I can't sleep well anymore, and I don't want to call the cops due to embarrassment.
I wish I called the cops while inside the house, or near my entrance with a knife. Knowing this person is still out there, and hearing any noise at night keeps me up at night. | Someone broke into my house, cops eventually came, see me in womens underwear, cops think I'm insane, can no longer get a good nights rest. |
t3_1u7pmu | relationships | My [21m] girlfriend [20] played spin the bottle a few nights ago... | So my girlfriend was at a party and I'm on vacation so I wasn't there, and she played spin the bottle with her friends. Now, she didn't kiss anyone, and she told me that she was playing. Apparently, the way they played you have to remove an article of clothing if you choose not to kiss someone. This is what she did instead, but she still didn't take off much. Just her jacket and socks I guess before the game ended.
But I'm still upset.
I guess I'm just upset that she agreed to play that type of game in the first place. And she casually told me about it, as if there was no possible way for me to take issue with it. I *did* express some discomfort, and she sort of freaked out and told me that she'd never cheat and I meant too much to her etc. and apologized. I think it surprised her that I was mad.
I kind of want to discuss with her that it concerns me that she thought that what she did was perfectly okay, but I also feel like I may be overreacting. I'm occasionally worried that she will unknowingly cross a boundary while she's drunk (like playing this game), but don't want to seem controlling or limit her fun. I don't know if I'm just crazy, or if this a normal way to feel. Help, please? | girlfriend played very mild game of "strip spin the bottle", didn't kiss anyone, didn't really take off clothes, but I'm still upset |
t3_2w4duf | offmychest | My christian mom wants nothing to do with me | I mentioned christian because this is the underlying issue that led to the current issues. I am still a senior in high school and have no idea how my life is going to work out going forward.
I am an ex-christian now turned atheist. I cannot confirm that I am an atheist to my family because there is so much riding on it. If I say confirm that I am an atheist, I fear that my church scholarships will disappear, and my extended family will turn against me. My mom has already said that she doesn't want to be anywhere near me right now and especially in college. I guess I should feel bad about my only parent not wanting to be a part of my life, but she irks me so much that I am almost glad that I won't have to be around her much longer.
College is the only relief I can see. Maybe then I will realize some good thing that she has done for me, but right now all I can see is a mom that entirely believes that God is the only thing I need in my life. I understand that she loves me and fears that I am taking the wrong path, but she just keeps acting like nothing is wrong on her part, and everything is wrong with me. I have tried to state my argument before, but she just turns every conversation into me needing to love Jesus, as if that will actually change anything in my life.
My social life is really the greatest thing I have right now. My mom keeps telling me that I am selfish and only care for myself, but whenever I show my friends how she acts (I recorded a few arguments), they always reassure me that I am fine, and she is the one that has something wrong. My mom tells me that I have no social skills, but I have never had a problem getting along with people. She has always had problems with getting along with other people. When she got kicked out of a college program, she always blamed it on some form of discrimination (e.g. too many children, jealousy, or because she was a christian. I do not want to go too much further in depth, but | a lot of people have problems with her, and very few have problems with me. Yet, I am somehow the one that is terrible. |
t3_2oiylv | relationship_advice | My SO [24/M] just told me [21/F] that he is bi when I thought he was straight. | I'm not sure if I'm being irrational. I'm not entirely sure how I'm feeling to be honest, but I'll describe what happened as best I can.
My SO has had a sexual relationship with his best friend, a guy, before our relationship started. When ours started, he ended it, but keeps up a good relationship with him (they talk). I've gotten really jealous of this relationship and he tells me that at the time he was depressed and was under the influence of drugs and alcohol, so everything he did with his friend didn't really mean anything and he's straight.
Honestly, at the time, I'm not sure how I felt about that. I just knew that I was jealous and that I hated every time they talked. So I told my SO to stop talking to him if he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable. He didn't completely stop, but they talk a lot less.
Moving on, I still don't like this guy. I kind of see him like an ex and I hate it every time my boyfriend interacts with him. But I trust that nothing well ever happen between them since my boyfriend insisted that he's straight.
Recently, meaning this afternoon, he told me that he was bi (rather, he told me that's what he told his buddies). I'm not sure why that came as such a shock to me. Maybe it's because now I'm re-worrying about all the other guys he's been talking to, his guy friends, his best friend. I just don't feel secure anymore and I'm not sure what to do about it. Am I being super irrational? | My boyfriend told me he was bi. Now I'm worried about his relationship with a guy he had sex with before we started our relationship. |
t3_189nl3 | BreakUps | I[m22] ditched my best friend[f22] but...It's complicated.(x-post from r/relationships) | 2 years as college friends, progressively got more closer as friends, then about 3 months ago I tried to kiss her, which to both of us felt wrong.
Fast forward to 2 days ago, I told her I couldn't stand being her friend and still wanting to be more than that, so that I would need to be away and asked her to stop talking to me. I felt that way because I know I would try to hit on her again if I stayed close; the reality is that I don't want to be away, I want to stay at her side no matter what, but it's so painful right now that I acted on my feels that second, and left her.
The next morning I felt like utter s*** and thought I made a serious mistake, that i should have stayed at her side and stuff, but I realized it's not fair to her if I pretended to be her friend when I wanted more.
She cried profusely and told me I was to only one that never left her and that she would have liked to be able to help me more when we worked and did stuff together. Needless to say, I felt horribly.
Right now It's taking all my willpower to stop from logging on Facebook and apologizing.
I need serious advice on what to do if I want her to:
1- Reconsider our relationship and give me a chance
2- If 1) Does not succeed, how to stop the hurt and stay by her side
Please reddit, although this is a throwaway, it is also my first post ever, I need your help on this one. Thank You. | I [m22] wanted to be more than friends with best friend[f22], got rejected, can't pretend I'm his friend when I want more, Stopped talking to her, been a week since. HELP! |
t3_3tomh8 | relationship_advice | [M/20] Haven't talked to my friend(s) in a long time, how do I break up our friendship? | Hey /r/relationship_advice
I need your advice.
I was good friends with this girl (from kindergarten up to the end of primary school). Life changed, we went to different schools and rarely talked. I got into a life crisis which had me end up in a mental hospital and a children's home. I sort of figured life out again and am currently doing the last year at a vocational school and want to study next year.
During that time I completely lost contact with said girl, the thing is, I still like the old friend that she was (as a friend), but I don't know who she is now. I changed so she must've changed as well.
For some reason my dreams still include these "old friends" but I want it to stop, I want to move on but it keeps me back.
How can I tell her (via text, since I know she's on Fb) my thoughts?
Lately I started seeing her in our town again, (which got the whole thing started all over again)
I'd go up to her, but it would just be awkward and I wouldn't find the right words, telling her all these things after not having talked to one another for 7+ years.
That is why I wanted to write a text uncling the, I assume, right words. Could that be too impersonal?
It also isn't like I don't want to be friends with her, it's just the uncertainness, that annoys me, which is why I want to break up that friendship, could it also lead to creating a new friendship?
What's the best way to go about it?
How would you react if some childhood friend would send you such a text? (it wouldn't be rant, but more of a text explaining why I never responded and what lead to things that are now and that for my personal well being I have to move on)
If she'd reply I'd love to talk to her, but let's be serious here, could it just be a waste of time?
Thank you for any help :) | Want to break up a friendship that I can't get over (in order to move on) but I also want to tell her my thoughts |
t3_1zhi8y | Advice | Sexual Ethical consideration! | Ok. Background information: I'm 22 years old and female. I'm sort of androgynous and a bit well frustrated to say the least. (I also believe in Jesus) I feel that I'm sort of attracted to mostly just women. I've only been with men in any sort of physical way in the past and tried to date a woman but it didn't become much of a sexual relationship before I broke it off. Basically, a part of me wants to just try and have a sexual relationship with a woman to try it and feel what it's like. I say this because I don't know a lot of women that I want to DATE and I'm also going to be leaving college soon, so I really just want to try to have some sort of sexual contact with a woman who is obviously consenting. I want to know who I am and understand my sexuality. Also, I kind of want to just simply be with a woman. I masturbate quite frequently and it leaves me frustrated anyway. I also want to know that I'm not really attracted to men much and keep that door closed so that I'm not setting myself up to become pregnant or left by some guy because all the men I have been with in the past have been nothing but casual sex. I guess I just want to try something but I don't know how and on what terms. I am a Christian (as of recently) and I want to know if any of this can be considered ethical or not totally sinful if you get what I'm saying. | I want to have sex with a random woman and I'm a woman. I'm also a Christian. Is it ethical? |
t3_4aqrhc | relationships | Me [39 F] with my boyfriend [55 M] of several months, he has an unusually close relationship with his ex. | I'm trying this post again, shortening it to just the problem at hand without all the background since I kept getting advice about everything other than what I asked about.
My boyfriend is strangely close with his ex wife. They are friends and have a lot of friends in common, so they hang out often. They text each other about stupid every day things, sometimes when I'm with him. He will go to her place to fix things around the house for her. They have keys to each other's houses (to pet-sit for one another, they share dogs). He doesn't make a big deal about it so I try not to as well, but it's weird to me that they are so close. I can't help but worry that he and I will never be as close as he and his ex are. My question is, am I being silly and need to deal with my insecurities on my own, or is his relationship with her inappropriate and something I should rightfully be bothered by? | My boyfriend is besties with his ex wife. Should this be a problem for me, or am I being silly? |
t3_36z8w2 | relationships | My [19M] girlfriend [19F] of 2 years told me she is no longer sure about her emotions towards me, so we are about to talk about it. | Few days ago I noticed my girlfriend has something on her mind. I asked if there is something wrong and she said she don't want to talk about it right now. I agreed so I asked her few days later to tell me what is wrong. She wasn't really sure about telling me and probably would not tell me if I didn't ask. She told me that she is not sure what does she feels towards me anymore and if she feels what girlfriend should feel about her boyfriend. I said something like you should think about it and I am not sure what to think right now, but we decided that we won't talk about that then. I tried not to think too much about that but of course that proved impossible. So yesterday I mentioned it again in our conversation saying we should talk about it and try to solve it, and that is wrong to keep pretending it is nothing. She agreed that we should talk, but she added that she is not really sure how can we solve it. So when she comes home (she is not in town this weekend) on Monday we will talk about it.
When we have these types of conversations it is usually me who "leads" the conversation, and we usually have good open conversations. Right now, I am not sure what will I say. What should I ask, what should I focus our conversation about, what will I say, what should be my attitude. So I am looking for any advices regarding this situation, especially regarding this conversation. | girlfriend told me she is not sure about her emotions towards me and we agreed that we will talk about it. I am a little bit confused right now, and not sure how should I behave and what to say. |
t3_1yir4z | relationships | I [20 F] will most likely be single for the rest of my life. How do I navigate friendships as people get married, have kids, etc.? | I am very overweight and not all that attractive in general. I have several qualities that make me a great friend but won't ever attract a romantic partner. Lifelong singleness doesn't really bother me all that much.
That being said, I'm at an age where my friends are starting to get into serious relationships, and are definitely going to be marrying and having kids within the next 5-7 years. I've noticed that when people get into long-term commitments they tend to hang out with couples more often, and it seems like young married couples don't have many single friends. I'm not jealous or upset, but I love my friends and want to remain close to them. How do I bring this up in conversation without making it seem like I'm needy or secretly want to be set up with someone? | I'm going to be single permanently and I want to figure out how to stay close with my friends who are in committed relationships. |
t3_3l6rvk | relationships | Me [18 M] with my (ex) girlfriend [18 F] of 3 years, break up for college while still in love, misery ensues | After reading the description, I'm sure most of you are thinking something along the lines of "Oh no, not another one of these."
Well, sorry if this subject is somewhat ubiquitous, but I'm kind of needing some help right now.
So, my girlfriend of three years and I broke up solely for the reason of college (we're attending universities 6 hours away). Hypothetically, if college hadn't come along, there would be absolutely no reason we would break up.
She and I had an exceptionally relaxing, low-key, and drama free relationship. There was no arguing, jealousy, etc. We're both very unemotional and we think very logically so we never really bickered over the little petty stuff. So, being the logical people that we were, when we started looking at colleges and figured out that the universities we were looking at didn't match up, we decided that we would split when the time came, because putting education and career opportunity first seemed like the smartest thing to do.
Well, unfortunately, after being separated for over a month, this has hit us both really hard, and, although I hate to admit it, me in particular. After getting here and experiencing everything, I concluded that I could do long distance, but she is under the impression that a long distance relationship will hurt in the long-run and make us resent each other, and she can't stand the thought of dating someone 6 hours away, so she thinks we should stay friends... but I know I just can't do that. I don't know whether to keep trying to talk to her all the time and make her fall more in love with me so she'll change her mind, or, as terrible as this sounds, to cut the cord completely and discontinue all contact so in the long run we can get over each other quicker and be happier faster. The whole "friends" thing makes me really insecure and it just doesn't work for me, and that's how a relationship feels to her. I just have no idea what to do but I can't top thinking about it and would like to have some peace of mind. Thanks, guys. | Girlfriend and I break up for college, harder than we thought, don't know whether to keep trying or to walk away. |
t3_2mavfx | relationships | I [26 M] possibly have a crush on my manager [29 F] for a while, not sure how to deal with it. | I have been working in this place for nearly a year now, and from the beginning i noticed my manager is not like your usual manager - she is far more approachable and more like a friend than a manager.
This is great, but it came to the point where in the past 2 months i noticed i am thinking about her like i would on any girl i have a crush on - I am being jealous when she tells me she was out till late, and i love her little laugh which always makes me laugh back.
(She is my type (physically-wise and character-wise) so i guess up until now i have avoided it because i knew this it is wrong, otherwise i would have felt this way much earlier.)
The other day it got to the point where i couldn't control my jealousy and was upset with her and i distanced myself - and even could not tell her why. I does not impact work in any way, but it makes me not want to be in the same room with her (the office..) or even look at\listen to her.
I don't know how to deal with it at the moment. | I have a mini-crush on my manager for the past 2 months and i don't know what to do. |
t3_2p5s8n | relationship_advice | so i 28m had a good date with 27f last night, now she's barring me | Ok I'm trying to understand what is going on. This is what happened last night: a few days ago i set up a date with this girl on okcupid, so then we go out last night and i started getting real touchy once i got a few drinks into me, then we went back to her place and had sex. she wanted me to hang around and stay over (...i think she said) and the whole night she was saying things like "oh u only want me for sex" or "you're crazy" (in response to me coming onto her bigtime on the date but she was Loving it i swear...) annnd "where can i find a boyfriend" ...she joked around a lot ...or seemed to...
she also says stuff like "can i block you?" she means - on okcupid. to which i laugh and say no
so i left her place and when i got home last night i went onto okcupid and there was a message from her asking if i got home alright, she was also asking if i had emotions for her...
fast forward to this afternoon and she won't reply to my message and shes online.
usually i can read girls but this one is confusing me bigtime. | go out for date with a girl, sleep with her, she seems to be enjoying herself but now wont talk to me |
t3_3kplas | relationships | My boyfriend (25/m) compared me (21/f) to his ex when we first started dating? | Hi! This isn't exactly a huge problem, I was just looking for some advice as to whether or not this is a normal thing within the context.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now and I absolutely love him to bits, I feel like he is my best friend and we can talk about anything. I get kind of insecure from time to time, and was just remembering how when we first started dating, he would sometimes compare me to the girl he dated before me (they were together for 3 years). He would say things like, "She was the oldest in her family, like you," and "I thought that we had a good relationship, but I am so much more comfortable with you," and "I would never sing in front of her when she asked me, but I don't mind doing it for you."
He has since stopped talking about her at all, and says the only time he thinks about her is when I bring it up in a jealous rage. I know I am insecure but I can't help feeling like I have to live up to her standard, especially after what he told me about her. They were together for a while and I understand that when you share a life with someone like that you can't just erase them forever. I am fine with that, and am glad he was with her before me because it helped him grow and become a better person. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy for being insecure about her because I know how head-over-heals in love he is for me.
I guess new relationships can start out weird, and I just wish he didn't use her to compare to me when we first started dating. At first I took it as a compliment, but when I asked him about it later he said he was just trying to show me how much he likes me.
Was it normal for him to say that to me? It was only about a few weeks/month into our relationship when he first compared us. I am just worried that he is still not over her or something dumb! | BF (25/m) compared me to his ex when he and I (21/f) first started dating. Everything between us now is perfect and we've been together for a year, but that worries me for some reason. |
t3_1tx9i7 | relationships | Me [24 M] with my GF [35 F] of 2.5 years may be on the edge of breaking up I'm afraid what will happen afterwards. | My GF and I felt the last month has been rough in our relationship. In the back of my mind she is more mature than me but has a different personality. She moved to Canada from Korea with no other relatives so I am pretty much the only person she spends time with socially. I am a more of a outgoing personality while she is more conservative and kinda picky. My friends can see that I am spending less time and know she is kinda selfish with me. We had an argument before about considering me to sponsor her to stay in Canada and recently had an argument to move in together. I can feel inside that I was not ready for all this and told her the honest truth but the answer I said was not what she was expecting. I could say that my love for her isnt as deep as she her love for me is deeper. I know she really relies on me because she doesnt have anyone else but I feel she should be more independent. If we break up she still wants to stay in contact and so do I because she was my first ever serious long term relationship and same goes for her. She will be moving out in Feb to her new place but I am not sure whether now would be the time to end with her. I am certain that our personality doesnt suit us and need some words from someone regarding this matter. I also dont want to get into full details to bored the redditors but anything will help me ease my mind. | Im worried for her if we end up breaking up because she has no one else besides me. I can be there for her but not sure as a lover at this moment... |
t3_4ueugx | relationships | How do i make my mom proud of me? | Title says it all. My mother is the kind of person that always got straight A's in everything. She never complimented a lot on good results and keeps on nagging about bad ones. I have never had the feeling that made her somewhat proud.
Personal information: I am 19/f and I just finished school. I will be studying at one of the best universities in the country. Due to the fact that I will be studying data security she doesn't appreciate it much, since she isn't well versed in said subject. When I was younger I did a lot of sports and was fairly good at it (won a few smaller contests but nothing really big since I was around9-10 years), however never good enough in her eyes (It's just child's sport, nothing serious) and I stopped when I fell ill (diabetic type 1, didn't had the motivation to catch up due to several circumstances). I have recently successful finished the business school I went to. I also won first place in a gaming tournament and all I was told was "You know I don't really know anything about your gaming".
I really don't know anymore how I can make her proud. I have tried everything that came to my mind and it hurts me a lot since I feel like I'm not worth anything to her. | I have never had the feeling that my mother is anyhow proud that I am her child. How do I change that or can at least deal with that? |
t3_4t28b0 | relationship_advice | [21/f] I have extreme jealousy over my bf's [21/m] ex. How do I calm down? | My boyfriend and I have been together officially for almost ten months but have been dating for nearly a year and a half. He's on good terms with his exes, but one of his exes really gets under my skin.
When they dated (2 years ago), she was a trainwreck. Pretty sure she still is. She hooked up with his friends and brother before she and my bf dated, and she cheated on him. She's extremely attractive which pokes at my insecurity, and still very much clings to keep my bf in her life. She'll post old photos of them when they were together on FB, she texts him often (he doesn't engage very much), and her family members even text him for tech advice, etc.
I've told him I have a really bad feeling about her and that his friendship with her makes me uncomfortable. His other exes, I'm okay with. He even slept with one of them when we were on a break and I'm very neutral about her. But THIS girl makes me feel crazy. I've started snooping through his texts and reading what they talk about, which is something I abhor in relationships.
I've talked to him and told him I don't want to tell him to stop being friends with her, but their relationship makes me very paranoid and insecure. He assures me nothing romantic is happening (and based on what I've read-- nothing is) but I don't trust HER and it bothers me how attractive she is. I know this is my own insecurity eating away at everything, and I try not to get jealous, but every time his phone lights up and her name is there, it makes me feel physically ill.
How do I cope with this relationship he has with his ex? She lives 1000 miles away so I KNOW she's not an immediate threat but I just want her totally out of this life I'm building with him. We talk about our future all the time and having her looming over it in the back of my mind prevents me from being truly comfortable. | My bf's unstable ex is still in his life, but not a threat to our relationship. However, she makes me extremely jealous and insecure. How can I get over my negative feelings and accept their (confusing) friendship? |
t3_3r66ey | relationships | How do I [21 M] talk with my manager 40's [M] about quitting/shortening my internship? | So I come to the good people of /r/relationships to ask this as I have no clue how to approach this situation. So for a little bit of Context, i'm currently contracted at a Fortune 500 tech company for 1 year as an engineer and thus far this misadventure has been the biggest mistake of my life. I absolutely detest the work, as 90% of the day i'm stuck in a cubicle bashing my head against a problem that someone else created. Furthermore, the culture of this company is such that although we work in teams it is anything but just a conveinient way to delegate work. There is little to no collaboration among members, and anytime i attempt to go ask for help it is given with a large dose of "how incompetent" you are. It's gotten to the point where i prefer to struggle rather than bother my co-workers. I've already brought this up with my manager but i was hit with you should work harder, which would be fair criticism if I didnt already work from 9-8 every day and by which time i'm the last to leave the office.
So all of this would be the end of the world if I didnt have an opportunity available. To put it bluntly, I have the option of going back to my old job which i absolutely adored and is much more in line with my future career. I could go on forever about how amazing this company is and I would be still there had I not signed a contract with my current company before joining the older one. So reddit, how do I in no uncertain terms tell my manager that i want to quit/shorten my current contract of 1 year to 4months without making a huge scene and utterly destroying my reputation/word. | Hate my current job as an intern and i want to go back to my old amazing job, how do I discuss this with my manager? |
t3_53o767 | relationships | My [16M] , my two best friends [16M][16F] are dating but things have turned sour and I'm not sure how to act. | I will call the girl Jess and the guy Dave.
They have been dating for just over a year and a half and I was good friends with both of them before that. Before the they started dating I had a mutual romantic interest with Jess but we never did anything about it. Dave knows this but has never really mentioned it before.
We all recently started college (2nd week) and Dave isn't coping well. He has become emotionally controlling and started blaming Jess for everything that happens. Due to all of the new people, he has become paranoid and overly protective of Jess and won't stop his behaviour even when she asks him to.
She has told me about this and started becoming very stressed out about it. To make it clear Dave isn't a bad person, he just seems to be a bad boyfriend. I'm worried that anything I do could cause problems between themselves or with me and Dave/Jess.
What should I do in this situation? | My best friends are in a bad relationship with each other and I don't know how to help either one without ruining my friendship with the other. |
t3_348kvw | relationships | Me [25/F] professor with my student [21F]. She is a single mother, her son has cystic fibrous. She did well for 1/4 of the semester but stopped attending afterward because of complications with her son. I am thinking about just passing her with an A. Is this ethical? | This school requires students to take two semesters of composition. Based on the work she gave me before her son went downhill, she easily belongs in 102 and didn't need to take 101. She probably was required to take 101 because of a low ACT score on math/science.
She couldn't drop the class because she would lose her financial aid. I could fail her and she would have the option of doing a redo (the school will let her retake it for a new grade; old grade never happened, basically) but I feel like she is a mother in a difficult situation and I want to cut her a break.
Am I making a bad choice? | My student as an ailing son and was unable to attend/drop my class, I feel like just giving her an A so she can move on. |
t3_4b0qbs | relationships | how do you know when you're ready for a relationship? | there are times when i [M23] would like to have an emotional connection with someone, but it seems like most of the time i am just really enjoying being single.
should i just date people and see what comes my way, possibly finding someone that will give me the urge to want to be with them, even though i am not really that interested in a relationship at the moment?
OR...
does it make more sense to not really date anyone, considering that i feel like i would not be giving 100% effort to someone else and just wait until i want a relationship.
to me, a relationship requires 100% effort by both parties among other things. I feel as if i have my life together. good family, good friends. nothing scares me in the sense that i'm afraid i won't impress anyone. I'm just afraid i won't show enough interest and i will ultimately waste not only my time, but someone else's.
this problem of mine seems so trivial but i'm asking for opinions anyway. Thank you and I appreciate it! | i want to try to date new people, but i am not sure if i will be giving 100% effort. do i date people even though i'm not interested in a relationship at the moment? |
t3_1v9wnr | Advice | Depressed; Wanting to Drop Out | I am depressed and I want to drop out of school this Friday.
Last semester was rough for me, I was fixated on a girl in my life that made me depressed and essentially caused me to neglect school and many of the other aspects of my life as well. I spent a lot of money on my books, computer and school but now I feel like it's all been a waste. This only causes me to be more depressed and spend more time just retreating into my mind and neglecting school more.
I want to drop out of school, it only makes sense to me. I am failing to the point of no return and yet the school hasn't kicked me out yet. I haven't paid for my second semester yet and as the deadline approaches to do so I grow more anxious about essentially throwing all that money away.
I've already discussed things with my mother who wants me to keep trying and at least finish the year out, she doesn't mind me having the debt and will help me out when it comes to paying for it, however I've kept my father in the dark on the matter as he's more anxious about these things than I am and certainly won't take any of this well at all. | I want to drop out to avoid wasting money and living miserably as I fail university. My mother doesn't want me to drop out and my father doesn't know that I am even considering it. |
t3_3gn8vb | Advice | At my breaking point | Hey redditors, i know i post on this subreddit a lot. I(20) have lately been fighting with my SO(19) of 5 years. Things havent been this bad since I discovered he was cheating. I told him that i think we need therapy but he does not agree. I love this person and its not something i wanna give up, but he doesnt want to fix things in therapy and thinks that we need to work it out ourselves. The most recent discovery is that he had a message today from someone that i didnt want him too ever again. He said he blocked her and that he didnt message her first. she sent a message saying "that gave me daddy chills". How else am i supposed to think when i see that kind of message? I am at a loss here Reddit. He tells me he cares about me and really wants to stay together but i dont know how to have this relationship when their is no trust.....I have depression and its not easy because all this going on is making it worse. Please help reddit, this is the only place i can go to for help. | SO of 5 years got a message from a girl i dont want him talking too, big fight happened and dont know if i should stay with him |
t3_sw4rm | relationship_advice | To incite suspicion or ruin surprise? | Ok. Quick question. I'm (F)25 bf is (M)30. Dating about 6 months. He is wonderful, we communicate very well and openly.
I'm throwing him a surprise party on Sunday. To coordinate, I got his good friend's phone number and have been texting with him to arrange the party. In these texts, he told me about a show my bf and I should come see. Not thinking, I told bf about the show, and that the friend had told me about it. (This friend has good taste in music, so his endorsement meant something about the show - this info was relevant.)
Now my boyfriend noticed I was communicating with his friend without him. He wants to know how I got his number. I made up a story about why I needed it, except now our stories won't match. I'm also the worst liar ever and he will be able to tell. He has asked multiple times why I'm talking to this guy.
Reddit, the party isn't for another two days, and I think I sketched my boyfriend out enough to be suspicious. (His ex cheated with a friend.) So what should I do? I don't want to ruin the surprise! But I'd also rather not start an argument. Recommendations? Should I wait the two days? | Planning surprise party for bf with mutual friend, secret texts are sketching him out. Is it worth it to ruin the surprise party to tell him why texts are happening behind his back? |
t3_3r5h46 | relationships | Me [21 F] with my [23 M] 2 years, wanting variety but not to cheat, open relationship is on the table but not happening | My boyfriend and I live together and have been together for two years. We are entangled with each other's families and are very happy together.
We talked about an open relationship for a long time and then tried it, only one sided. I get off on him hooking up with other girls but he is not comfortable with me hooking up with other guys.
Because I love him getting attention from and hooking up with other girls, I gave him the green light to sleep with someone else (and give me details). He did, and it was good for both of us. However, after he hooked up with her I could feel myself getting a little resentful that our open relationship was one-sided. So, I ended the open aspect, because I don't want to poison what we have with resentment.
Now we are monogamous but I crave variety so bad. I love my boyfriend and the sex is amazing, we are affectionate and happy. But still, I fantasize about other guys all the time. I get offers once in a while and I have never cheated but I've been sorely tempted to.
I feel like I'm going insane. I don't want to cheat and I don't want to be single but I don't think he'll ever be comfortable with me getting with anyone else.
To make matters more complicated, he wants to make a big commitment before we graduate from school, as in engagement. I told him straight up that I am not willing to get engaged at this age if it's in a monogamous relationship. If we were two-sidedly open I would be ok with it, but I am too young to be with one person for the rest of my life.
Relationships as good as ours are rare. Am I being selfish and taking him for granted? I am so conflicted. | I desperately want the variety and affirmation that comes with dating around but I'm also happy and in love with my long-term boyfriend. What do? |
t3_3gevzj | relationships | My [19F] parents don't approve of my boyfriend [19M] because he is Muslim | My boyfriend and I have been together for about half a year now and honestly I've never been so happy in my life. He is Asian and Muslim and I am black and Christian. Neither of us are religious so each others religion has never been an issue. His parents are amazing and understand that times are changing and people are more often engaging is multicultural relationships. Mine on the other hand are having a hard time understanding this.
His parents approve of our relationship but mine think that because he's muslim, he's going to end up being a terrorist or doing something stupid. They are just being bigots and plain and simply racist. They are generalising the actions of a very small minority to the billions of others who are Muslim which is ridiculous. I don't get why they can't understand that not everyone is a bad person and people from all races and religions are capable and have done things that's just as bad. When they found out about our relationship they told me to end it but I refuse to let them dictate my life so I carried on seeing him anyway but they do not know this
I hate having to hide him and always having to lie when I go see him. Like it actually upsets me, I can't imagine how shit that must make my boyfriend feel. Has anyone else been through a similar situation that they managed to resolve? I would really like my parents to approve of our relationship and change their race attitudes also. Please any help will be great! | my parents are being really racist towards my Muslim boyfriend and so they don't approve of our relationship. How can I make them see the light about him and change their race attitudes. |
t3_2x0qva | relationships | My (36 M) girlfriend (22 F) doesn't want to have sex anymore. | Last time we had sex was in November. She was preparing for final exams so we slowed down a bit. Then we went seeing our families during the holidays. Our schedules clashed until she started her classes in January. She's not into it anymore. I don't know why. I try my best but its not working. there's always an excuse like "I have to study, I have a headache, I just ate, I have to wake up early tomorrow, etc" its weird that she'd say she wants to study then spends the rest of the night on her phone. A simple no would've been better.
After several times I talked to her about it and she said that its just how she is. Which is not an answer to me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to nag then she'd do it just to shut me up.
I even started thinking she might be seeing someone new.
Almost 3 months into it. I don't know what to do. I also want to know why she's doing this so suddenly. Is this normal?? I'm out of ideas. I want our life back the same but she's not giving it a chance. And I don't know how to get it back the same with her behavior. She says it silly that I'm weighing this much on the situation but I don't think its silly at all | girlfriend and I haven't had sex in 3 months because she always has an excuse. Discussed this with her and she said I'm being silly |
t3_1jb68k | relationships | I[17/F]have been having a hard time with my boyfriend[18/M]socializing with a certain type of girl because of past infidelity | I just don't know how to handle this...my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years, pretty young when we started but we've grown up together. About a year into the relationship, he cheated on me with a girl who is the complete opposite of me. I (without sounding arrogant) am a very intelligent, outgoing, unique individual. The girl got held back twice, and is the type of "weird" girl in the way that she is exactly like everyone else, except louder. Then there's the physical part. I am chubby, curly haired, and have no sense of style or makeup. She is stick thin, straight hair and globs on the makeup. I was heartbroken and very confused. Anyways, we worked it out, and got back together on the same page. Fast forward to today...
My boyfriend and I work at the same job, and at that job there is a girl there who is a lot a like the girl he cheated on me with. Skinny, straight hair, "look at me I'm so different!". He assures me that she is "annoying" and "ugly as hell". The problem with that is, he doesn't remember that those were the exact same words he used to describe the first girl. I am terrified, to say the least.
Since the first incident, my boyfriend has been totally and completely faithful. He seemed to mature a bit, and seemed to be more affectionate towards me. But if he even talks to the girl at work, I flip out. If he laughs at a joke she made, I'll start tearing up. I feel like he's getting annoyed at me because in reality, he's not doing anything wrong. It's me...
I know they say it's always good to keep your guard up, but how do I let go of the past while still staying a bit cautious? | My boyfriend cheated on me with a specific type of girl, regretted and made up for it to the fullest extent possible, but now anytime he just talks someone like that girl, I flip the fuck out. |
t3_1qt29f | relationships | Girlfriend [16F] Cheated on Me [19M] is it possible to Forgive Her and Trust Her Again? | First serious relationship for both of us. Almost 6 months. After the first month, I was out of the country for a month, but we picked up from where we were right away.
The day before our 5 months, she goes to one of my friends parties, and gets really drunk. And also said "Don't lie, your jealous I slept with ____" (We've had sex, but have not been able to sleep over yet)
That morning, she texts me, and tells me she had fun. And shared a bed with my friend (male). I was fine with this, it's better than drinking and driving.
I don't drink, never have had a sip, so I can't understand the feelings and emotions. However, she tells me she made out with one of my good friends. Went back to another guys house, and shared a bed with him (No sex, just sleeping).
She told me the next day (and right when she told me) and said she felt very guilty and sorry. And would understand if I chose to end things.
This was a stressful week for me. Midterms, a major paper, in my first year of university. She knew this.
3 weeks later, we are back together. This weekend she is out of town with mutual friends for a competition. Being cheap teenagers, they all cram into a hotel room to save money. So she'll be sharing a bed with another guy. I'm pretty sure no girls went.
She says she will never cheat again. And feels really guilty still. But I fear about it happening again. And have no idea on how I can prevent it without always being by her side. Which obviously is not possible. | Girlfriend cheated on me. Is it worth the emotional stress to keep going, or break it off. 3 Weeks after saying I forgive her. |
t3_3d5ymu | relationships | Me [24 M] and a souring friendship with my ex [23 F] should I try and continue it? | Hi /r/relationships, over the past year I've been spending a great deal of time with an ex of mine I dated for a few months over two years ago. She was a sweet girl, but her neediness and overwhelmingly emotional personality put me off, and overall I just didn't see us as a right fit.
I spent the next year after we broke up seeing other people, not thinking too much about it and generally enjoying life. She reaches out to me and we begin hanging out again.
The relationship quickly turned sexual and I saw it as just that. It lasted for a few more months before I realized I was wrong for continuing this when I knew she wanted more. She was devastated.
Since then we've tried being exclusively friends, but it's getting harder and harder for me to continue. I like hanging out with her, but her still having lingering feelings, jealousy if she finds out I've spent time with other girls and wanting to see me every weekend is extremely draining. I don't want to hurt her feelings either, so lying about these things sometimes has exacerbated the situation.
I know I'm not perfect and I did a lot of things wrong here, especially in terms of starting a sexual relationship with her when I knew it wouldn't go any further. | Trying to have a friendship with an ex, feel drained, is there any way of making a friendship work in this situation? |
t3_22yaaj | relationships | Lonely as hell | Not sure what I'm trying to accomplish by posting here; probably just to vent. I [32F] ended a 7 year relationship in the fall with my fiancé [32M] after finding out that he pawned my guitar and mandola (instruments my dad built for me!) *and* that he had been lying about attending plumbing school. I felt good about my decision to end it, and have been feeling strong these last few months. ...until he left town a couple of weeks ago - moved back to the West Coast. Now I am utterly lonely. Been holding back tears all day. Dating seems terrifying. Future looks bleak. Typical, right? ~sob | Long-term relationship ended badly. Was feeling good about being out of it; now feeling hopelessly lonely. Got any coping tips? |
t3_vakkx | relationship_advice | 26/m rekindled stale friendship, curious about something. | Hello again reddit world! Its a long one, but it could just entertain you if you read the whole thing! WHO KNOWS?!
Another question for the masses. About a month and a half ago I was dumped from a six month relationship and decided to use that as an excuse to better what i thought was in need of fixing, and one of the things on the list was get back in touch with friends i have not seen in a while.
One of those friends was a gal i met at work several years ago and had a crush on, but moved on from it when i felt it was not reciprocated and stuck with being her friend. We became very close and i helped her through breakups and all that jazz, but never really trying to move beyond friendship and perfectly okay with that. But there were always things that got me wondering, like she kept a picture of just us next to her bed amidst a severe lack of any other pictures. But i shrugged it off.
So we began hanging out again after my break up after about a year of not hanging out and sporadic talking. Now we talk all the time and hang out more or less every weekend and i am being more outgoing (part of the list) so we are having more fun together. Which is nice, and then we happen to go to a bar sometimes (or some alcohol becomes involved), and since i do not drink I am always the sober one while she (and possibly whoever we are with) drinks and she never gets wasted but becomes inebriated after a while. When drunk she becomes very touchy feely and is very rarely without her arm interlocked with mine or hugging me or along those lines. Then she'll get one talking about things and a lot of the time it'll be quite complimentary of me "i love hanging out with you, i really like your writing" things along those lines. She also loves taking pictures with me, as in whenever my phone happens to be out she requests the camera. Truthfully this is not something i am going crazy over, i love hanging out with the gal but i am curious. | Rekindled a friendship with a gal I had a crush on but is perfectly okay with just being a friend though would not pass up a relationship and am curious if her intentions are just friendly or maybe more. |
t3_2b7pc8 | relationships | Seeing a new guy and he said he's not sure about long term commitment. What does that mean? | I (24/f) have been seeing a guy (23/m) for about 6 weeks, we see each other around twice a week, so I would guess we have had 12-ish dates. He likes me a lot, and I like him a lot. I have met his family and friends and vice versa. He talks about me to all of his friends and family too. We just started sleeping together and we both know neither one is seeing anyone else. He has referred to us a couple, and has jokingly told one of his flirty friends: "hey she's not single."
He has only been in short-term relationships (a few months here and there), but he has never been a player. He keeps saying things like "I really enjoy hanging out with you so far," and "right now things are great." I kinda confronted him on it because it seems like he doesn't want to be tied down at all. He apologized and said he is protecting himself, because he has gotten burnt in the past. He also said, "I keep thinking to myself, 'wow I really like this girl' and I think about 'should I commit long term?'" And then he said he reminds himself that we have only known each other for 6 weeks, and he wants to take it one step at a time.
He keeps kinda contradicting himself, because then a couple of minutes later he said he was looking at bed and breakfasts for us to go on an excursion at the end of the summer. I know this guy is great and I would be willing to wait a couple of months until he feels comfortable with actually calling what we have "a relationship," but I don't want to be wasting my time and find out he doesn't want that.
Any thoughts on how I can make him more comfortable? What are we? Keep in mind everything is going great and we really like each other. | seeing a pretty amazing guy who is being cautious with relationships, and seems a little skittish around commitment at this point. What should I do? |
t3_yud9o | AskReddit | I need a way to feel better about myself without outside validation. | So, in the past I'd never had that much of an issue with my appearance. I started dating someone- he's amazing. The only issue is after the first year or so (after the initial honeymoon stage), he became virtually uninterested in me sexually. I had gained some weight, so I figured if I'd lost it we'd be back on track. 6 months and 40 pounds later, still nothing. I began buying clothes I knew he'd find attractive, trying to spice things up in the bedroom, and that only led to a 7 month dry spell. Because of all of this, I have virtually no self-esteem. I find myself wanting to look for attention from other guys for validation, but I know if I do I'll feel guilty for it. Don't get me wrong- I'm not doing this to bitch about my boyfriend. He went to the doctors and because he works nights, his sleeping schedule caused his sex drive to diminish. Is there anything I can do to build my self-esteem? | My boyfriend lacks sexual interest in me, and I need ways to boost my self-esteem without looking for validation from other guys. |
t3_368w2f | relationships | I'm [20F] Violent Toward my Boyfriend [20M] and He Wants to Break Up | I feel like complete shit right now and we just had a huge fight and he wants to break up with me but I'm basically forcing him to stay with me at this point, I want to fix everything and I offered to start doing therapy for it and he still said he didn't want to stay together even if I did that an dI don't know what other options I have. When I get angry at him I hit him and stuff like that and I feel like shit, and I want to stay together. Sorry for my terrible grammar, it's almost 2AM and I'm an emotional wreck. What do I do
We've been together for over 2 years and he can't break up with me.. I don't know what I can do and I've never felt this broken in my life | I'm violent toward my boyfriend sometimes and we just had a huge fight where I lashed out at him physically and he wants to break up, I want to stay together.. |
t3_3h8ez3 | relationships | Coworker (F 20) just had her ex fiancé (M 28ish) make threats before her shift. Just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing as her supervisor. | I don't want to overstep my bounds here, but I also want to be able to keep whoever I'm working with safe.
My coworker, let's call her Leah, was in her car outside before her shift. Now, she just recently got out of a relationship with her fiancé. They were supposed to get married in a few weeks. Turns out he's a bit psycho. He shows up right after she does, walks inside (not knowing she's in her car) and asks (very politely) where she is. I thought they were going to talk things through and had a planned time to talk, but as it turns out, he was screaming at the top of his lungs at her. So I went outside to get him to leave as he proceeded to swear at both of us, typical "I'm a man and I have to make a scene because all this testosterone makes my veins throb out of my forehead, wwwhurrah!" Shit.
She balled and came inside, I told him if he returns the police will be notified and he will be removed from our store.
Luckily "Mom" is also working and has sense been able to talk to her and calm her down enough to work.
I notified my supervisor and told him the situation, not wanting to leave a message on his desk, allowing others to get into her business.
I told Leah if she goes on a delivery and he's stalking her (he has been following her around) to call the police and then notify us.
Just making sure if I followed standard procedure for this kind of shit because this is the first time it's been bestowed upon me in my time of management. I am the highest authority here until 4ish so I'd just like to know if there's any more steps I can take to keep everyone cool. | Coworker got yelled at by stalker ex Fiancé. I just want to make sure I'm doing all the right managerial things. :P |
t3_19bco5 | dating_advice | Hi, I'm a M(19) and there's this one girl F(18). Should I pursue her? | She's a F(18) and I'm a M(19). In high school we used to like each other. But that was when I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. Now that I'm in a university and she is a senior who is about to graduate, we started talking again.
I found out she liked me when I confessed to her that I liked her back then, right before my own graduation from high school. We have just begun talking through text again, catching up and all and I think old feelings have returned. But I can't tell if hers did or not.
I once asked if I could touch her hair since she told me she was using something to make it soft, and she replied with "That's the weirdest crap anyone has ever asked me" Yet she seems really excited about us hanging out sometime soon. I don't know if it's just her personality but she doesn't initiate conversation with me. What should I do? | Interested in an old flame back in high school, now that we have matured a little more not sure if to pursue or leave alone. Even though we both know we both liked each other back then. |
t3_2whsf8 | tifu | TIFU by correcting a 5 year old kid. | So, while going on Reddit, I have this sub-reddit that I go on ( not on this account ), where I correct other peoples code ( programming ), and I see this message pop up, another spam message, but, I seize the opportunity. " Check out what my kid wrote ", I see lines of code written on a paper, smart-alec attitude kicks in, and I go in and correct every single line, spelling error, to method. I click send. After a few days I get on Reddit again, and check my Messages, I have 20 from this one dad, he's complaining, he said he traced my IP and is heading to my house. I take a quick breath, and lock my door. The next day, I wake up to the sound of knocking, I open it, there's a bearded man with a 5 year old kid, I got punched in the face, and knocked out cold, nothing was stolen from my place, they just walked off. | I got a message on Reddit, corrected a kids coding, the dad of the kid traced my IP of my place, and knocked me out cold. |
t3_1im4e4 | relationships | I'm [19M] getting really frustrated by my girlfriend's [19F] lack of initiation, what do i do? | we've been together for 19 months now. i know she loves me and we're very romantically synched. sexually it's there but due to parental circumstances it's incredibly hard to find a time and place. these parental circumstances are all on her side though. after constantly trying to initiate and being denied i'm trying to leave it up to her to analyze the situation and find time to have sex but it doesn't seem that she's putting in this effort as i have spotted several times it could have happened but didn't say anything. she seems to be content with masturbating and that effectively removes her need to have sex thus she doesn't put in any effort into making it happen.
Fall semester of university starts in about a month or so and we go to the same school, thus I'm going to let her do her thing until then since at that point parents are no longer an issue. if she remains the same way, i'm going to drop her because i can't take all of this sexual and emotional frustration.
i should include that i have brought it up several times, she said she understands and would try harder.
i don't know /r/relationships, i just want someone to tell me that i'm making too big of a deal, sex doesn't always have to happen, or that she's not putting enough effort into sex, maybe i'm no longer sexually desirable, just tell me something that will help me feel better or make a decision | girlfriend isn't putting in any effort to find time to have sex, really frustrating me, have said something but the problem hasn't gotten better |
t3_1lmfs1 | relationships | How do I (F, 25) get rid of this troubling crush I have on a friend (M,24) that is giving me doubts about my long-distance boyfriend of five years? (M, 28) | Basically, I have a huge crush on a friend of mine (friends for about 8 months) who lives in the same city I do. I know he has feelings for me too, and while nothing at all has happened I can't help but feel like things are starting to edge closer to emotional cheating. We talk on the phone sometimes for hours and text all of the time, and while it's all friendly and nothing out of bounds is discussed I can definitely feel our chemistry.
I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, and we've been together for six years. We've only been long distance for two months though and it's really starting to take it's toll! Honestly we had been having problems before we started being long distance, but the distance is definitely affecting the intensity of my crush.
Anyway, I know the grass is always greener, but I am seriously starting to feel like this new guy is a better fit for me romantically. However, to be perfectly honest, I don't know how much of that is because I'm lonely or because my friend is so fantastic.
Do you guys have any advice for me? I'm not even sure if I want the crush to go away, but I really don't want to string my friend along. (obviously he knows I have a boyfriend, but I think he's waiting for me to make a move.) I'm way too isolated right now to talk about this with any of my real life friends. Should I tell my boyfriend about my terrible crush? | have a puppy crush on a friend that I have great chemistry with, I'm making unfavorable comparisons with my current relationship, it won't go away. What should I do? |
t3_3fl990 | relationships | I [F24] am a bit cautious that maybe I come off as too easy? Need advice | I'm a very, very sexually open-minded person. I get weird. I have kinks. I'm a freak in the sheets. With that being said, I've only slept with two guys in my life and both of them I dated for a while before sleeping with. I've never had a hookup or a one night stand though I will admit I've thought about it before.
Fast forward to now - I've been seeing this guy for a little over three months now, two and a half months of which have been long distance. We haven't had sex yet but that's because a few things got in the way before we parted ways (for the summer). I feel like I definitely would have already if we weren't so far apart.
I'm really starting to like him and I can tell he likes me too but of course there's that gut feeling I get that he hasn't fully emotionally connected with me yet. It's long distance for now so it's hard, and I know once we start hanging out with each other more often it'll be different. My thing is I'm debating on whether or not I should wait a little while after we see each other again to have sex or not.
If it were purely up to hormones, I'd definitely be up for it because I'm a pretty horny person. But of course since he knows I'm very open about it, I have the feeling he'll pursue and I just want to be sure that we're both emotionally connected with each other before becoming physically connected, if that makes any sense at all. He's not the kind of guy that would sleep with someone if he didn't really like her, but I still just want to be sure.
I've never slept with someone who wasn't my boyfriend, and although we kind of act like it, we're not "official". That in itself doesn't bother me, but it's a matter of feeling safe and knowing that we're just in it for each other for the time being. I guess you could say we're talking to each other exclusively because neither of us are seeing other people, but it still feels weird for me to sleep with someone who isn't my boyfriend. | Not sure if I should wait to have sex with a guy I'm talking to who knows I'm sexually open-minded but I don't want to come off as easy. |
t3_3vbgxg | relationships | My [25F] boyfriend [25M] wants his best friend [25M] to move in with us | Hi everyone,
My boyfriend of 7 years wants his best friend to move in with us.
We were long-distance for a very long time, and have only been living together for about a year. It's been great!
We previously lived with the best friend, but best friend wanted a change so basically told us to find a new place. That was ~5 months ago.
I love the privacy I have in my new place. I love that I have my "own" place, that I can decorate to our liking. We had plans to create an exercise room with our spare bedroom. The best friend gets along with both of us, and he is a good guy.
What makes me angry is that my boyfriend accepted the best friend moving in with us without even asking if I was okay with it.
This puts me in a really awkward position now. Best friend is geared to move in by next month. Besides that, he wants to rearrange our entire living room, making it essentially his own gaming area. I was playing off being happy about it, but really am not comfortable with all of this.
I REALLY don't want him to move in, but feel like an asshole at this stage, because he is already planning to move in by January.
My boyfriend is out of town for a few days, so I'd like to get some advice on how to communicate this issue with him. | Boyfriend's best friend wants to move in with us. He agreed without asking me, and best friend is moving in next month. I don't want it - what should I do? |
t3_e9ycw | AskReddit | Reddit lawyers, I need help. | I've worked for my employer for seven years with few problems between us. Thursday (during my vacation) I get a call from the second-in-command, telling me that a customer (who I was aware of) that had accused me of damaging his car had come in to have the damage looked at, and the boss had sided with the client, paying for the damage. Because of this he, the owner of the company, had decided to suspend me until Jan. 3rd without pay.
I feel like this has more to do with our business being considerably slower than normal, because he paid the client about $400 dollars, which is way less than what I would have made between now and the start of the year. Because I'm "suspended" and not fired or laid off I cannot file for unemployment.
My question is this: Can he do this, for this period of time? This is a huge problem for my fiance and I as I'm the primary breadwinner. | I got suspended from work and I think the boss is just doing it to save money w/out me pulling unemployment. |
t3_1biusk | BreakUps | 16F broke up with me, 17M, I want to get back, she isn't sure about the whole thing. 1 year relationship, what can I do? | Hey guys, I'm in a tough spot right now. A little background, we've been dating for 1 week short of a year. We took a break last summer and it didn't work for either of us and we got back together a few weeks into school. It's been mostly good, with a few bumps but nothing too big.
On Easter my girlfriend and I broke up. She was having some problems so we we're talking on the phone and it came out that she hadn't been happy lately. She also said that it wasn't just me, but that's she's felt like a zombie lately, no feelings at all. So it ended up in a breakup, but I don't think she was very sure about it.
We talked again last night and she still didn't seem confident about it. She just said she needed to be on her own for awhile and that she wasn't happy. Is there anything I can do to help myself? I don't really want the advice saying you're young, get over her. It just doesn't work with her and I know I want to be with her. Thanks guys. | 16F broke up with me, 17M, I want to be with her, what can I do? Been together about a year. |
t3_4k44rc | tifu | TIFU by traumatizing a coworker that miscarried | So, I'll try to keep this short. It's late in the week and I work in a very relaxed professional environment. It was around 9am, so everyone's coffee had done its work and everyone had to take their morning shit. All 6 private bathrooms were In Use accord to the locks, so, I decided to hunt down another bathroom.
I heard a rumor that Samantha (fake name of HR woman) was on vacation, and I noticed the corporate area was empty as well, so I walked toward her office and saw her room empty, so I ventured to the back where the last private toilet is. No "in use".
My coworker had made a Mork and Mindy reference a few minutes earlier, so for some reason when I swung the door open insanely fast, while saying outloud NANU NANU. Turns out Samantha had just been in the bathroom so long the lights automatically turned off, and her computer went to sleep. Right after NANU NANU left my lips, she startled, looked up and instantly began shouting GET OUT GET OUT while she sat on the toilet. I stumbled for a second, paralyzed by embarrassment, I stumbled trying to leave and stammered "shes going poop" and then I noticed blood on the floor and toilet before slamming the door behind me and racing upstairs.
20 minutes later I hear commotion and people talking about the ambulance parked outside. A police officer came to my team's work area and asked where Mork was. I shamefully followed up expecting to get arrested or worse.
As it turns out she had miscarried and froze in place, terrified. The officer wanted me to corroborate what I saw to finish his report.
I looked outside from the conference room seeing her getting wheeled up into the ambulance.
I went back upstairs and my coworker that made the Mork joke called me an asshole.
I have to talk with our boss's boss in an hour.
Wish me luck. | Walked in on female coworker after she miscarried and said stupid shit in a panic, everyone found out and I might be jobless after this... |
t3_3u3i6g | tifu | TIFU by waiting for the bus | So, this actually happened last year the day before thanksgiving. I go to college out of state, so I wanted to go home and see my family for Thanksgiving. I bought a bus ticket, packed my bags, and was on my way to the bus station. It was cloudy out and looked like it may rain. While I'm standing outside waiting for the bus to arrive, I feel a large drop fall on my head. I use my hand to wipe off my head, only to realize it wasn't rain. A bird just dropped a steaming pile of white shit onto my head. Pissed off, I start cursing. The lady next to me asks what happens, and then offers me her bottle of water and packet of wet naps to try and clean it off. So I spend 5 minutes trying to get this shit out, looking like an idiot. The bus then arrived and I had to sit on a bus for 6 and a half hours while bird shit crusted into my hair. | wanted to see my family for Thanksgiving, ended up sitting on a bus for 6.5 hours with bird shit in my hair |
t3_tn8qp | AskReddit | Reddit, I just chased down a guy who punched an old man on the subway. When have you needlessly put yourself in harm's way "for justice"? | I was riding the subway to work when I noticed some sort of altercation going on in the seat behind me. Through my headphones I heard someone say "Get a life. Get a job." and an inaudible snide retort. As the train slowed to the next stop, I turned around just in time to see a tall, skinny guy, maybe 30 years old, with tattoos full-on punch the old man sitting behind me. The kid immediately got off at the stop we had been slowing to and I gave chase. I don't even know what I was thinking, other than that I would follow him as long as I could and flag down any law enforcement I came across. I was dumb about it, because as I was following him out of the station I made him aware that I was following him by shouting angry expletives. I should have just followed quietly. Hindsight. Anyway, as we were going up the escalator out of the station he stopped and turned around to look at me fully. He got right in my face and said, "You know, you are gorgeous, and this is XXXX station. You better watch it. There are a lot of gang members around here". I said nothing back. When we were out of the station, and I could use my cell phone I immediately called 911. When he noticed, he bolted into traffic and I gave chase. I followed him, at a run, for about 6 blocks while giving descriptions of our location and his appearance to the 911 dispatcher. Eventually I lost him around a corner, but not before the patrol car had caught up with us and I was able to point them down the street where he had disappeared.
In retrospect, it was really stupid what I did. I could have been seriously hurt. If this guy was OK with punching an old man, then he could have just as easily hurt me the same way or worse. | Saw a guy punch an old man on the subway. Chased guy 6 blocks before I lost him. Feeling pretty stupid right now. |
t3_ttzcg | AskReddit | How do I get invited to join a subreddit? | So I am an American high school student that just went on summer vacation. I took a German class for two semesters and really liked it. I wanted to join a subreddit that had a lot of German speakers on it, for tips about how to improve my German as well as how to see how native/fluent speakers use it. I looked up the subreddit r/german and it was blocked by its mods to approved submitters. I looked for alternatives, but that is the only german subreddit that I was able to find. So my question is, how do I get invited to join this subreddit? | I want to join r/german to increase my german skills, its blocked to approved submitters, any advice on how to join would be appreciated. |
t3_1k8xiz | jobs | Was told a job was going to be filled internally and the process was 90% done two weeks ago. Hiring manager just got in contact with me saying things have changed. What's this mean and am I handling this right? | So, I applied for a job as a Creative Services Producer (Shoot and edit local commercials and promos) with a local tv station in town. I currently work as a newscast director for their competitor, but only part time. I was recently laid off from a job that is pretty similar this, so I have experience with the work.
Anyway, I there had been an opening for this job about a year and a half ago and I had made it to the final round of interviews. Manager really like my work ethic, tenacity, and the fact I was the only one who wore a suit to the interview (People don't dress up for these things anymore?)
When the job opened up again I jumped at the chance and when interviewed with the manager, he remembered when we interviewed almost two years ago. He told me that the pay would be much for this market and I told him that the opportunity and experience meant a lot more to me than the money. I got a call a few days after the interview and was told there was an internal applicant and that they were about 90% done with the process and that he was trying to get everything wrapped up before he went on vacation.
Last Monday night I got an email from him asking if I was still interested in the position and that things had changed with their internal applicant, I told him I was (and didn't ask about what had happened with the internal applicant). If he's getting in touch with me while he's on vacation, I'm hoping that's a good sign.
Anyone else been through this, I don't know how to read this situation. | A job was going to be filled internally, now the hiring manager is changing their mind. What does this mean? |
t3_y4deq | relationships | [20M] seeing [19F], confused | We are both juniors in college and we both work together. Just two days ago I invited her to a party and she got really drunk and was all over me but since I was sober nothing happened (did not want to take advantage of her, even though her drunk self even said she wanted to fuck me). Total actually seeing each other is 2 days, but we have been friends for about 5 months now (text friends and coworker friends, not hanging out outside of work).
Well the next day I invited her over to watch a movie and we cuddled and she laid on me and we held hands and such through the movies. I ended up cooking for us both that night and when I took her home, we kissed and she went to bed.
Today, she texts me saying that she likes hanging out with me and tells me that I am awesome, but that she isn't ready for a relationship right now.
So I am just confused about what is happening. I really like her but I am inexperienced with relationships. can someone help me understand what is going on? She says that she is freaking out and needs to get her thoughts clear and there are other circumstances that may be affecting her that I feel best not to put out publicly. | Girl shows interest but I get a text saying she needs to get her thoughts straight, need help understanding what is going on. |
t3_zi6z3 | relationships | Guy [25m] is okay with casual dating, but I'm [25f] not. | I've [25f] been seeing this guy [25m] for a little over a month. We've been on three dates. He and I share the same sense of humor, so we get along swimmingly. I recently asked him if he was dating anyone else. He told me not currently, but if he and I are not committed and the opportunity comes up to casually date, he might consider it. He told me that it's a little too soon to define our relationship. I agreed. However, I requested that he let me know when he's in a casual relationship with someone else. He said that unless he was in a casual relationship with me too, he doesn't see how that info is relevant. The fact that he's not willing to disclose that info makes me think twice about dating him. He told me that he's been in casual relationships before. He just happens to not be in one now. My question is: Am I crazy and irrational for wanting to end an otherwise normal relationship because there's a possibility he could be simultaneously dating other women later on? | Guy I'm seeing told me if the opportunity to date other women comes up, he might consider it. I want to break it off with him now despite him telling me that he's currently not seeing anyone else at the moment. |
t3_1qzcev | AskReddit | What more can I do to assist my friend get help for his injured fiancée in the Philippines? | Imgur album: (some NSFW injury pictures)
I'm helping my friend Houssam, who travelled from Canada to the Philippines, by putting up his Facebook statuses and other media to a Tumblr page to try and raise awareness for his and his fiancée Grace's plight to get her back to full health.
Basically they met and fell in love with each other some time ago, but their situations in life have delayed them getting married and Grace moving to Canada for some time. They had planned to get married in May in the Philippines and get everything in motion, with venue reservations etc. already done.
When Hurricane Haiyan hit, Houssam had no means of contacting Grace and her family. He faintly heard through a terrible phone connection that something bad had happened, but he did not know how bad nor where she was.
After that, he was unable to get any further contact so he decided he had to travel to the Philippines to find her and give her any help he could. He took a leave from work and flew out as soon as he could and found her four days later in an absolutely putrid clinic where she was stitched horribly and not receiving the medical attention she needed. Apparently the roof of their house fell on Grace and did a lot of damage to her, a lot of which went undiagnosed and untreated for four days (not to mention horribly done stitching).
After pleading with the coast guard lieutenant in charge, he got assistance to board a boat (as all ticket vendors claimed there were no spots to sell) and got her to a better hospital in Cebu.
He's spent over $3000 in bills so far and they keep finding new injuries on Grace that require operations.
This has been very stressful for Houssam and Grace, but also for us as his friends, as we have sent the money we have been able to send but I for one feel very powerless in what I can further do. I'm trying to reach out to the good people on reddit and networks in Facebook but I don't know if it'll be enough.
Any advice on getting more awareness is very much appreciated, sharing and considering even a small donation would be of great assistance.
Developments will be posted to | Friend's fiancée got seriously injured by Hurricane Haiyan, we are all running out of money to help her, what can I do to raise awareness and get them more help? |
t3_2g5z9j | relationships | Me M22 crushing on friend F28 after messy breakup | So this isnt about her ex, (29M for the sake of knowing, 6 month relationship) but about me and her.
She has quite a few mental issues, such as being purging when stressed, always dating the narciccist egocentric guys and getting hurt and a personality disorder, but otherwise she is self-sustaining, employed and sociable.
Now here's the problem part.
She is talking indepth about her problems recently and we chat for hours sometimes online. We want to meet up sometime but she keeps implying its just as friends, and that is because of two things, the messy breakup and that she needs time to emotionally get over him.
And as said, Im crushing on her hard, but Im unsure if she will look at me as using her this whole time if I act on it. She has also described the guys she tends to go for, but they always end messy, and she halfheartedly agreed with me when I suggested she try a different type of guy.
So uh, should I say anything to her? Should I wait? Ive waited a month already and she seems to need someone to hold and cry to. I already try to flirt online but I dont know if she's picking them up. I think it might be too soon for her, she's still healing. | Lady friend is very hurt and emotionally unstable after breakup, im comforting her and crushing on her. Should I act on it, or wait longer than the month I already have? |
t3_24u6l1 | relationships | Me and my partner of 2 years [both 18F] with our future room mates [18 M, 18M and 18F]. How do we split the rent fairly? | So my SO and I have decided we are going to take the plunge and move to another state at the end of this year, we have been saving for this entire year and whilst we will have a decent "nest" built up, we will be tight on money for our first two months down there until we both find jobs.
Recently I have found someone to move in with in that state (I'll call her Kate). She is really keen on moving out now and is willing to "rough it out" with her two other friends on rent at a house until we all get down there. We have a big group chat on facebook (my partner doesn't have FB so it's just the four of us) Kate is obviously the leader of her other two friends and she has been linking all these houses which has been awesome, she is obviously very organised and has been really helpful especially with me not knowing the area well and really just wants everyone to be happy.
Anyway, in this group chat she was talking about the houses and was like "I know the rent looks expensive for the week but it'll be much cheaper when it's split in between all 5 of us". My problem with this is that I thought that rent would be split by room and then we'd split utilities by 1/5 each as that's how it has been done in every one of my previous properties.
Kate thinks her way is fairer and I'd usually give in but because money will be so tight I really don't think I can afford to. This is a really good deal (4 people living in a house that are all in the same kind of "life stage" would be good for money and I think it'd be a really good living arrangement as well) | Is my way of splitting the rent fair or should we all go 1/5 for everything? How do I talk to my future room mates about this? I'd really rather not sour our relationship before I even moved in. |
t3_4k936t | relationships | How do I [25F] tell my friend [25F] of 7 years that I can't be her friend anymore because of something she did years ago? | I met my friend Mary in high school and we instantly became great friends. We ended up going to school near each other, and we still hung out all the time. I was sick and unhappy often during college, but Mary always told me that once we graduated I would move in with her in her city and life would be great again. She often said things like I was soul sister, that she needed me in her life, that even though I lived in a different city I was still her best friend, etc. The times I visited her were some of the best.
Flash forward to graduation. Mary graduated two weeks before me. I had all my stuff packed up and ready to move. My whole family came out and they were super excited for me to move in with Mary and start a new life.
Then a few days before graduation I got a call from Mary. She said she had applied for and been offered a job on the other side of the country and she would be taking the job and moving ASAP. I was shocked and felt totally blindsided. She had never told me she was considering other plans. The job she had gotten wasn't in her area of interest and didn't even pay well. I was so stunned I just said "good for you", and goodbye.
Since then life has been very hard for me. I had to make a contingency plan fast, leading to some less than ideal situations which had far reaching consequences.
Mary and I have kept in touch. At first I accepted what she did because it's hard to be a new graduate in this day and age. But since then, she quit her job, complained to me constantly about the city she lives in, is always telling me how much she misses and me and that we are sisters etc etc and in general has been totally dismissive about what she did. I thought I would forgive her but instead as time goes on I just feel angrier about the situation.
How do I tell her I can't be her friend any more? It has been two years since this happened. I have accepted everything she has done and I don't know how to turn around and tell her that actually it isn't okay. | My friend fucked me over several years ago. How do I tell her now that I don't want to be her friend after pretending so long? |
t3_1bbt0m | relationships | How have you dealt with an infatuation while being in a long-term relationship? (21F and 21M) | This was originally posted in r/askwomen but I was advised to come here.
I hope some of you have been in this situation before, if not the exact copy then maybe some aspect of it. I've been in a long-term, long-distance relationship for five years now, on and off. By that I mean every six months or a year we will break up due to complications arising from the long distance and after a similar interval get back together. After years of this, this summer we are to be finally in the same city, and in fact moving in together.
However, with such terrible timing, I've gotten a pretty heavy crush on a guy in my day-to-day life. This person has been delighting and inspiring me for the last several weeks. We've admitted our attractions toward each other, though I've been very open about my relationship and how that nulls any possibility of getting together. Though in my head I've rationalized hanging out with this person by saying, 'He's a new friend, just need a bit of time to become accustomed, this doesn't affect my relationship', it has become increasingly obvious that it does. It's been bitter cold lately with my partner; we both are just 'going through the motions'. Not a good prospect for moving in together.
Have you ever been in a similar situation? Can you consciously crush a crush? How do you re-apply yourself to your relationship? | A wild crush appears with only one more month to go in a long-distance, long-term relationship. What to do? |
t3_lw0uo | offmychest | I cannot hold this in anymore. | Two and a half years ago I left my wife. I was horribly unhappy with her. I had serious anxiety issues and she was only too happy to ignore me. Our kid was 3 at the time. After I left my wife, I had sex with my Dad's cousin. I still cannot believe that I did it. Worse, she became pregnant and carried the baby to term. I have never met or seen this child. I feel that I did the right thing in leaving my wife, but what I did afterward disgusts me and I feel like my life is essentially over. The only reason I continue on is my kid with my ex. She sustains me. I have held this in for so long, and only a few people know. | I fathered a child with my Dad's cousin and I only continue going because I have another kid with my ex who is my world. |
t3_1cy1yi | tifu | TIFU and unknowingly played loud, obscene, anti-religious standup comedy to young kids at the bus stop and suburban neighbors. | I have sirius xm in my car and when I am not listening to the grateful dead channel I turn on "Raw Dog" channel 99. The station prides itself on being the uncensored comedy channel on sirius radio. Not *every* bit is dirty or obscene in language, but quite a few are.
So I am leaving for class and I decided to just start my car and run inside and brush my teeth. Apparently I started the car so quickly that I made it inside before the radio got started, so I didn't notice it was on.
When I came outside after brushing, I was immediately greeted with obnoxiously loud Sirius XM Raw Dog comedy. When I came out the bit was bashing religion, and using a lot of "bad" language.
Much to my amusement by the time I turned the volume down and backed out of my garage I got to see my neighbors outside with their little tots all packed up for the school bus, as well as another neighbor outside packing up his car for work. It was like a goddamn episode of Arthur, and then I come along. | Happy little school kids ear holes get bombarded with anti-religious, foul mouthed comedy because I forgot to turn my radio down, neighbors shake their heads in disappointment. |
t3_1yjqkf | Cooking | Did I use Barkeeper's Friend improperly? | About a week and a half ago I posted about using Barkeeper's Friend for cleaning stainless steel cookware, but I have since used it on a stainless steel kitchen sink as well, and I've run into an annoying issue.
Before, the sink drained normally, with most of the water finding its way to the drain eventually, maybe requiring a quick wipe to get rid of a few droplets. However, after using the cleaner/polisher Barkeeper's Friend, I can assure you that the sink IS cleaner, but for some reason, the water pools up in beads all over the sink; up the sides, on the bottom, every part of the sink has much more water "sticking" to it than it had before. This causes me to have to dry it every time.
If I didn't know any better, I wouldn't even worry about it and just dry it every time with little issue. But I know that water can drain better, so I don't want to if I don't have to. So far I have tried recleaning the sink with hot water and soap, but it is still doing it. What can I do to stop the water from pooling up in my sink? | After using the cleaner/polisher Barkeeper's Friend, my stainless steel sink suffers from water beading up all over it and not falling to the drain like normal. How can I fix this? |
t3_2egyxa | relationship_advice | I'm (21f) worried my boyfriend (22m) is bored of the relationship. | My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years now, and it's overall been pretty great - we're really serious, really happy, and we're moving in together next week.
I don't know whether it's because we're moving in together that I'm noticing this stuff more, or worrying about it more, but I feel like, for my boyfriend, things have become a bit stale. I feel like he's stopped taking an interest in my life (my interests, etc.) unless it affects him directly, and I feel like we've fallen into a dynamic where I put more effort into the relationship than he does. I also feel like he's just less interested in me, or just overall a bit bored of me.
I know the obvious advice is to talk to him about it, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't agree with me, and that it would probably lead to a bit of an argument, or it would just make me seem overly insecure or like a bit of a burden (because what if I am just looking at things really negatively and it's all just in my head?). I really don't want that to happen, especially because we're both so excited about the moving in together. | How do I tell my boyfriend of two years that I feel like he's losing interest/not putting in as much effort into the relationship as he used to without sounding accusatory and causing a huge fight? |
t3_40zlm7 | relationships | I'm [28F] upset with my boyfriend [28M] of almost 4 years and I don't want to be! | I'll try to keep this short. My boyfriend and I are long distance and only get to see each other every 1-2 months. He recently booked tickets to come see me the first weekend in February. We chose that weekend because his favorite sports team will be in town, and we are going to go see them. He got tickets to be here Thursday night-Sunday afternoon and I was SO excited.
It was only after buying the tickets that we realized that Sunday is the Superbowl. I, being let's say not the biggest fan of football, didn't think this would be a problem. NOT SO for the boyf. I told him to go ahead and change the tickets, I didn't want him to be upset about being here Sunday morning when he'd rather be heading home so he didn't miss the game. He changed his ticket to go home in the morning instead.
This all happened three days ago and I'm still feeling upset about it. It's only a difference of like 6 hours, but since we get to see each other so infrequently, it feels like a real loss to me. It's putting a damper on my whole mindset about the visit. I don't want to keep complaining to him about it, that's not fair, there's nothing he can do about it now, and at least one of us should be excited about the trip. I honestly don't want to be upset about it either. I'd way rather be my normal excited self to see him.
So I need some help putting it into perspective. That's where y'all come in. Help me justify it, like, well u/baconlipstick, the Superbowl only happens once a year, he sees you at least 10 times a year! Or, settle down girl, you still get three nights together and we all know that's the most important part! Or even, don't be selfish! Why should he have to spend Superbowl Sunday on an airplane when you get to go to a party!
I just want to not be upset about it anymore! Help me Reddit! | Long distance bf is coming into town on Superbowl weekend and changed his flight to leave before the game, depriving us of 6 additional hours together. Tell me why this isn't something to be upset about. |
t3_2dbxvu | relationships | I [19M] am considering letting my best friend [18M] who has cancer lose his virginity to my girlfriend [18F] of 2 months | My best friend [18M] was diagnosed with brain cancer a few months ago. He has had minimal interaction with any girls since due to chemo/radio, and is becoming a little frustrated/is losing confidence.
He has been considering hiring a prostitute, but I won't let him because I personally don't think anyone should lose their virginity to a prostitute, especially at such a young age.
This idea has been in my mind for a while, but this is the first time I've REALLY considered it. When I think about it I feel like it wouldn't affect me. In fact, I feel like it may be a positive experience. I love this kid like a brother, and it would mean the world to me if I could give him something he would never forget.
However, I'm not sure how my girlfriend would react. I'm paranoid that she'll react negatively and think that I'm abusing our relationship, or that it may make her consider having an open relationship with other guys/cheating on me (which I am NOT okay with).
I jokingly mentioned the idea to my friend when I first showed him a photo of my girlfriend before we dated (he found her very attractive). However, I haven't discussed it seriously with him. I plan on doing that last if all is well.
This is obviously a very complicated and sensitive situation, and I seek all of your advice as I don't feel like I can really talk about it to anyone else. I would like if it was just a one-off thing, if all goes to plan.
Help me /r/relationships! | I am considering letting my best friend lose his virginity to my girlfriend. I have not mentioned the idea to anyone, but I feel like it will be a positive experience from my perspective. |
t3_2w3asd | relationships | I (21m) just got out of a relationship and am not sure what to do with a friend (19f) | So, some basic preliminary information before the meat of the issue. Me and my girlfriend, let's call her Ellie, just called it quits after nearly 2 years. The reasons were many, but basically she wanted me to be happy and her jealousy was keeping that off the table. Her jealousy was caused by a friend, let's say Jane, who was a notorious floozy (her words) and a self-proclaimed man eater.
Now, after spending a few nights with Jane, she confesses she no longer wants to be taken lightly, that her days of sleeping around are over. I've liked Jane for a while now, and I think she's liked me, too. I can normally read people really well, and I can tell she's being truthful about wanting to put those infamous days behind her, I just can't tell why. She says its for a guy she knows, she'll describe bits of vague information about him, but never gets specific.
When we hangout, both of our problems seem to get easier for both of us, and our days typically get better. I've told her that I like her, and want to take her out, and although she didn't say yes, she also didn't say no. She texts me back, which she doesn't do with anyone else pretty much, and she chose to spend valentines day with me. She's a wave of mixed signals, and I'm trying to determine which ones are the right ones. I did try to kiss her, she did kiss me back, but mentioned something about courting (we were both terribly drunk). Gash, this is so confusing.
My ex seems to think that Jane wants to know she isn't a rebound, which she wouldn't be, and wants to make sure that I'm in it for the long haul. They were friends before all this, and Ellie would vent about our relationship to her and apparently Jane started to let Ellie know that she was interested in me, but then our relationship patched up. | Just got out of relationship, and girl I've liked stops sleeping around, sends mixed signals, says something about courting. I don't know if it's coincidence or something else. |
t3_2ljchi | relationships | Update- My [21 f] boyfriend [22 m] constantly asks me to stay over, then proceeds to completely ignore me the entire day. | First post [here](
I wasn't expecting so many kind strangers telling me that I need to get out of the relationship. I really, really didn't. I reread all the comments through the night and cried to myself and felt like an idiot.
Today I went up to the boyfriend, took a deep breath, and told him that I can't be around him anymore if he's going to waste every second of his life away. I went on to say that I cared about him and wanted him to put effort into his life and relationship, but I also care about myself and no matter how much I love him, I can't let him treat me like I'm a possession and not a human being who deserves more attention than his PlayStation. I started crying then, and he still didn't look up from his game. He finally just laughed and told me I was overreacting. That I was being dramatic and he didn't need to deal with this. I asked him if he understood that he was about to lose me, that if I left now, I'd never come back. And he just said 'Then leave.'
At that point I had no words left. I got in my car and drove home, stunned. Immediately, I called some mutual friends, and they all were extremely supportive and made me laugh and I'm going out for drinks with a couple of them for the first time in months. The boyfriend hasn't tried to contact me the whole day. It's so pathetic it's almost funny to me now.
So thank you to all the redditors who took time out of their day to give a stranger some advice, I had no one I could really talk to in real life about this. It's amazing that a bunch of people I've never met pushed me to get my fucking life back and stop being a fool, all within 24 hours. | told boyfriend that he needed to pay a little more attention to me or he will lose me, boyfriend agreed to lose me instead. He's dumb but thank god for kind redditors and irl friends. |
t3_16td19 | relationship_advice | Did I cheat? How do I break this to him? | I (f)(bisexual) recently went out with my best friend (also f)(also bisexual) because she makes very poor decisions whenever she's drunk (we're both taken). I had a few drinks, but not enough to make me anywhere near where she was. She admitted to me that she essentially "wanted the 'd,'" and kept asking me to kiss her. I said no every time so she ended up going to other people. I knew she would get what she *thought* she wanted from them, so I kept her by my side most of the night. Unfortunately for me, that meant she kept trying to kiss me. I kept telling her no, and eventually she started kissing and sucking my neck every chance she got. I'd push her off after a few seconds (I was kind of drunk, and it felt nice), but over a few hours of this she eventually left me [this little gift] I'm really upset that she did it, but I realize she was just drunk. My issue is what I tell my boyfriend. I always try to be as honest as I can with him. I've never cheated on him and I don't ever intend to, but I know he has trust issues, and I'm afraid he will be really suspicious if I *do* tell him and show him the massive hickey on my neck. I don't *have* to, because he's in the military, but I hate keeping things from him. Also, any ideas how to get rid of these things fast? I'm going home to my family tonight. >_< | In a drunken stupor, my friend kept trying to kiss me and ended up giving me a giant hickey. I never kissed her, and I kept pushing her off, but I'm afraid of what to tell my boyfriend. |
t3_3gtgso | relationships | My [19F] relationship with [19M] is causing severe anxiety but over nothing and I'm freaking out. | (using a throwaway)
This is my first relationship (and his too), been together about 6 months.
I am in a constant state of not knowing what to do when it comes to my boyfriend. I'm naturally an anxious person but this relationship is making it significantly worse. I'm constantly worried that there is something wrong and when there is I go into meltdown mode.
I try to not be a crazy person in front of him so I'm hoping he still doesnt know, its not fair to put that on him. But basically anytime there is an issue bigger than a forgotten goodnight text I convince myself that we should just breakup. In fact I often will convince myself we should break up when there has been literally no issue and then change my mind that night. This creates a rollercoaster of emotions that are starting to take a toll on me and my view of the relationship.
I dont really know what im asking but I guess its something along the lines of is this normal in anyway..? I feel extremely guilty about it because he doesn't deserve to be persecuted in my mind every time we have a small fight or even a discussion about something that needs to be fixed in the relationship. He is a good boyfriend so there is no reason for me to be convincing myself every other day that we need to breakup over nothing.
I also fear that this is what will happen to me in any relationship so im kind of freaking out and cant talk to my best friend about it because im dating him and he is part of the issue. | Relationship makes too anxious to continue on happily. No reason for this other than my brain is an ass hole and makes me think there must be problems even when there aren't any. Advice needed |
t3_2tcwo2 | relationships | My [M24] life has recently been falling apart, need help coping | Alright, let's have a little back story. I use to be very happy with my life. I was out partying most nights, drinking, sleeping with girls, and hanging out with the bros and I had my nights to myself, which I loved a little more, putting on some music, drinking, playing guitar, or browsing Reddit.
My life was great, nothing could bring me down, until I met THE GIRL, Paula, she was a hot piece of ass with an attitude I just couldn't resist. We soon started dating and spending most days together. It became an effort to juggle her, my friends, and my own life. As Paula and I continued dating she started suggesting how some of my friends were bad influences on me and suggested I stopped hanging out with them. My friends didn't like the stuff Paula was saying about them. So they all started bad mouthing Paula, after a few arguments and fist fights, I ditched all my friends, except one, and kept things going good with Paula.
About a year in things became more and more difficult with Paula and we broke up about a week ago, we agreed we'd still be friends, but that's always bullshit, right? So this last week has been a wreck, I feel so alone, all I do is drink and sleep. I try to keep in contact with the one friend I didn't ditch, but we stopped hanging out so much and it doesn't feel the same. So now, I'm left alone, heartbroken with no one in my life anymore and I don't know what to do. | Use to live a really happy life, until I started dating a girl, while we were dating I broke off contact with all my friends, now we're broken up and I don't know what to do, feeling VERY lonely. |
t3_1gcubx | self | People Suck | Ok so overrall I know I'm a nice guy, I'm supportive to my friends, I am an awesome conversationalist, I'm really sweet and sincere, and I try to treat friends like they're the world to me without smothering them. I'm not full of myself, no, I've gone back to remission over my depression, hopefully forever; but Ive just learned to like myself. But none of these things apparently fucking matter, guess again motherfucker, people are still terrible. So yeah, people aren't perfect but they don't see clearly all the time and hardly any are loyal back to me. Very few people, in fact the greater majority of everyone my age just simply don't listen to me. The people that ive made friends with, they just stop caring or paying a sort of attention to you. It's as if I'm not important, or whenever their friend who theyve known longer is near you dont exist to them anymore. I don't know how to complain and if I try to be nice im just passive agressive and if Im out there then Im a jerk. I just fucking want my own friends to show that they care about me in some way but I just feel so unimportant to them, for that matter I feel totally unimportant and it sucks. I ask, why are people so fucking oblivious to this, how the fuck do they not see, ive already mentioned it before but they just forget and it' nothing. Just seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people, treat me like Im worth a damn you motherfuckers! | I barely feel honestly fucking important to my friends and they only pay attention when Im the only person there. Fuck you. |
t3_14kahr | relationships | Should I[22m] keep being friend with girl[25f] who friendzoned me, drains me on energy and goes silent for periods? | Hello there,
So I've know this girl for a year or so. I had a crush on her a while back but it didn't get anywhere and we decided to stay friends. I'm cool with that.
What I'm not cool with however, is her ability to suddenly stop keeping in touch. I already feel that I have to do a lot of work to maintain our friendship when it comes to keeping in touch. She's better at arranging for us to hang out so I guess that's my weak point.
She can suddenly stop texting/call and I won't hear anything for several weeks. She's in a relationship with someone else for several months now and texted me two days ago after I hadn't heard a word for nearly a month. We texted the days before she dropped, but as I said I felt that I really had to push it for there to be a conversation. She was very unresponsive.
Add to this that she's so insecure it's painful to watch and basically using me as an emotional pillar of support , I'm questioning whether to break things off with her entirely or not. In the end I feel that we're not on the same level and that's she's sucking me dry on energy every time we meet due to all her fears, anxieties, worries and relationship/friendship troubles she conjure up.
So reddit, how do I go about this? Just stop texting her altogether or send a text/make a call and explain the situation to her? Based on her actions, which way would be preferable? Or should I give this another shot? | Friend with girl who friendzoned me. She keeps going silent and don't reply to texts/calls for weeks on end. She's very insecure and uses me as emotional pillar. Time to get away from her? |
t3_2fglqj | personalfinance | I'm being charged for an apartment I haven't even moved into yet. | I originally was expecting to move into my new apartment in August, but due to some instability at the time, I was forced to stay with a friend and wait until this month to move in. Today, I received a message from them asking if I was still moving in, and responded that I was since I was receiving my bi-weekly paycheck that would give me enough to pay this month's rent of about $350 (along with a few necessities).
They then proceeded to tell me that if I did move in, I would also have to pay the whole first month's rent on top of that, even though I wasn't even living there. I would understand a holding fee, but paying $350 just to hold a spot is utterly ridiculous. I've done the math, and by the time I do get the full $700 or so, it would be time for next month's rent, which would add another $350 on top of that. That means I would essentially have to earn over $1000 in less than a month, literally impossible for someone on my salary.
And here's the icing on the cake; if I decide NOT to move in, they still want to charge me full rent for August AND September. Regardless of what I do, I'll still be down at least $700.
I could really use some help/advice, guys. I'm at a loss at this point. I do NOT want to take out any loans. | Haven't moved into apartment yet, getting charged full price for past two months. If I cancel, still getting charged $700. If I don't cancel, I'll have to come up with $1,000 by next month. |
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