id
stringlengths 8
9
| subreddit
stringclasses 29
values | title
stringlengths 2
300
| post
stringlengths 1
2.32k
| summary
stringlengths 70
278
|
|---|---|---|---|---|
t3_49a1oi | relationships | Me [24 M] with my ex[21 F] broke up and want to stay friends, but cant figure out how to make friendship work. | Me and my ex dated for about a year. We both fell for each other and loved absolutely everything about each other. We had an amazing 8 months until she her family moved away 10hrs away. After the move, we agreed I would follow after a year. We started experiencing problems when the long distance relationship began.
The main problem we faced was time. Work schedules made it really difficult and we we barley got to speak to each other. She expressed to me that she was not feeling loved. She was upset that i couldnt visit, and i was upset because she didnt understand why i couldnt. (work and school) We made up and I finnaly thought we were on the same page. Then a week later she broke up with me citing the same reason.
After the break up, we both went no contact for 3-4 months. Then we started texting and slowly started talking every day again. We both agreed to be friends. Now we were best friends before during and after dating but it seems like the dynamic of the relationship has changed.
I have to admit im not over her and have not dated anyone or even talked to girls since. She has dated but often tells me she hasnt moved on but is still in love with me. And alot of her dates go bad because of this.
The problem is I dont know how to make this friendship work. She gets distant and ignores me when she had a date. I dont say anything to her but it also eats me up inside when that happens. Is no contact the only option here or is there anyway to make this situation better. | Broke up with my girlfriend. We are still best friends. Trying to figure out how to continue the friendship without either of us getting hurt. |
t3_vicxb | relationships | Extremely variable feelings towards boyfriend, want stability... | I have never been all that great with relationships and am generally not that experienced with them. The two I've had in the past have crashed and burned. With them, I would tend to very easily go from being generally happy and liking them a lot to being VERY difficult and moody and not liking them at all if they committed some infraction, real or exaggerated by my perception. After the relationships were over I chalked this up to my not really loving them and not really being a great match, that I got into those relationships for the sake of being in a relationship.
This time around it's a bit different; I wasn't necessarily looking for a relationship, it happened more organically, and I think we're a better match than my last attempts. So I was hoping I wouldn't have to suffer this love/hate thing. But it looms over me all the same. If things have been nice I'm happy, and if things have been REALLY good I almost feel like maybe I might be "in love," whatever the fuck that really means, and I feel dedicated to the relationship. But if he does something that bothers me (or sometimes if I just slip into a dark mood) I feel extremely ambivalent towards him, sometimes slipping past ambivalent into dislike/inner-criticism of him, and I get very annoyed with monogamy and think about sex partners I miss, etc.
It blows over eventually, sometimes rapidly, sometimes taking a while. But I'm tired of these violent swings and I just want to feel stable; I know that in all relationships it is not as if you adore them completely every second, but I think it is abnormal to a) switch back and forth so easily and b) feel so strongly bitter and unhappy during bad times. I dunno what to do. I'm 21, and female if that wasn't obvious, he's 23, we've been seeing each other since early April. | I go from feeling dedicated and happy and maybe "in love" to feeling angry and unhappy with monogamy and seeing lots of flaws in my boyfriend, an effect which I've had in every relationship so far. Help. |
t3_1ex0pr | personalfinance | Why not commingle in Traditional IRA? | Hi folks,
A few months ago, I changed employers. The previous one, a state university, had a 403(b) available in addition to a mandatory pension program. Since the pension program was essentially a savings account earning ~0.03%/yr, I immediately put in a transfer request to a new Traditional IRA because the pension funds are unvested. This T-IRA is now split between Spartan TSM and TISM index funds, but each holding is <$10,000. Since all my accounts are through Fidelity, I don't yet qualify for their advantage class shares, which would bring the ER down from 0.10% to 0.06%.
In the 403(b), I am holding advantage shares of TSM. Through this 403(b), I have access to a variety of other Spartan advantage index funds, which I would not yet have the capital to access in my other retirement accounts.
If I rollover the 403(b) to the T-IRA right now, I'd probably save < $5/yr in fees, but I'd like to cut down on the number of retirement accounts I currently have. I talked to a Fido CSR and they kept mentioning commingling of funds, but I don't really understand why it's such a big deal. I do not plan on putting any of my current funds in the current 401(k) because the 401(k)'s fund options are a joke when compared to the former 403(b) - I only care for the 401(k)'s Vanguard Total International Stock Index Fund (Institutional) offering. Furthermore, the 401(k) will match 100% up to 5% after 12 months of service (so 6-7 more months), which is vested immediately.
Are there any other reasons why I shouldn't commingle the 403(b) and unvested pension funds in the T-IRA? The biggest reason to rollover is to bring the Expense Ratio down from 0.10% to 0.06%, which will definitely be useful in the future, but right now it's not that big of an issue.
Thanks | rollover old 403(b) to T-IRA, which would bring ER down from 0.10% to 0.06% but would result in commingling with unvested pension? |
t3_4d5mu9 | personalfinance | How to account for re-investing dividends in portfolio forecast? | I'm sorry for phrasing my question so poorly but I'll try to explain more in detail here:
Let's say I have a portfolio worth $5,000 with a yearly dividend of $100. In 20 years with 10% growth the portfolio (with dividends not re-invested) would be worth around ~~5,000 * 1.1^20 =~~ $34,000. I would then have (presuming the dividends continue to be around 2 per cent of my total portfolio worth) $700 in dividends that year (yay!). That's simple maths.
Let's say I instead re-invested the dividends each year, again presuming the dividend is around 2 per cent of value, how much would the portfolio be worth? And more importantly how do the calculations look? | How do I make an equation where I put in years and value pops out with re-investment of dividends each year accounted for? |
t3_1wpkqs | relationships | trying to get back in touch with a girl [22 F] who I have a "complicated" relationship with | EDIT: [24 M] here, ugh sorry having a lot of issues here apparently
Long story short, I know this girl because she used to date one of my best friends for a year or so. After the end of their relationship, we started "talking" briefly, and went out a few times, but she ended up in a relationship with another guy shortly thereafter.
Fast forward to now, she is single again. However, I haven't had contact with her since I tried to date her, which was around a year ago. I'm not really sure if contacting her at this point would be weird. We aren't facebook friends anymore since she seems to have started a new profile. I do have her number, but I would feel awkward about texting her. | Girl who used to date one of my best friends, who I was "involved" with after they broke up, is single again but I'm not sure how to get back in touch. |
t3_4gmidj | cats | [Advice/Help] [NSFW] Lifestyle changes for cat in traumatic event (somewhat graphic description) | So today my father and brother were going to a doctor's appointment. My dad started the car and heard a thump. My cat immediately ran away from the car and to my neighbors shed. My brother noticed it's tail was missing as he ran away. We tried to get him out from under the shed but he wouldn't budge, j went to school and got back at around noon (4.5 hours after the incident). I decided to get my dad to see if he would come to either of us. He eventually crawled on to my lap. [Graphic portion] I immediately grabbed him tight as my dad went to get the crate. I noticed blood dripping down my leg so I picked him up and noticed his tail was missing and the skin by it was too, so I basically saw the layer right under the skin that was incredibly large and bleeding. Once my dad got the crate he began scratching me really hard but I knew he needed to get to the animal hospital, the vet said he would go into surgery to repair the wound and likely get sedated. (All fine by me) he was ready to come home about 6 hours later but is forced to wear a cone and stay in the crate. The doctor warned about nerve damage and inability to control bladder so I was wondering if anyone has any help or advice in that area. | Cat got tail cut off in engine/fan taken to the vet, possible nerve damage, anyone familiar with this occurrence? |
t3_1fjnbt | personalfinance | Accidentally signed up for a credit card... | So /r/personalfinance I have a serious inquiry. Today while shopping, I was asked to sign up for a card at a local department store. At checkout, they asked me if I wanted a "card, to save 20% immediately", of course I said yes, neglecting that it might be a credit card. They took down a lot of information and then made me sign my name, which I thought was really fishy, because I was used to kroger and rite aid just asking for phone number etc. She said that it couldn't go through at the time but they had a 15% off coupon (which was nothing, just scanned). It came up red on the screen when I tried to sign up for the card, so I'm wondering if it went through. But the question is: if they accept my information, would it look bad to cancel it? My mom said yes. (I put down that I only made ~3k USD last year, which I don't know if it's important or not but I thought I'd include it). | would it look bad to cancel a credit card? And do department stores easily approve you? They didn't even take my address, just SSN, Zip Code, and name. (I'm 20) |
t3_38tdir | relationships | How can I [19 M] show more affection towards my girlfriend [20 F]? | So I've been seeing this girl for about two months now, and we feel strongly about each other already. Neither of us have been in a real long term relationship before, so we're taking things slowly. But a major roadblock in moving things along is how I don't show enough affection for her (whereas she's very expressive). She's brought it up a couple times already, and apparently I'm hard to read. The problem is, my dad was never very outwardly affectionate towards my mom, and I was taught to hold in my emotions and "be a man." Even though I've given up those ideas, it's still difficult for me to show the affection I have for girls. My previous two (sort of) relationships both fell apart mainly because of that. I've been improving with my current partner, but I need to know how to be more affectionate. She knows why it's difficult for me, but I don't want to make her wait or have to guess, especially because I've never felt this strongly about a person before. | Have trouble showing affection, but want to for a girl I really like, so I'd appreciate ways I could show it. |
t3_41s5rl | relationships | I [21/F] just had a breakdown in front of my writing professor [60/F] | I'm taking a creative writing class where it's 12 people and we critique each other's stories. The professor, who's a well-established writer, has these one-on-one sessions to discuss your writing and get to know you.
I'm in my fourth year in college and have been really overwhelmed even though the semester has barely started. I feel lonely and lost and classes are picking up and I'm already behind.
I met my writing professor today and she asked a question about my family and how I grew up (my story was about the character's childhood). I didn't have a great childhood growing up and I really did not want to talk about it. She kept insisting and I just lost my cool. I started getting defensive and she kept pushing and it was all too much. I started crying (i NEVER cry in front of people) and she was trying to comfort me and I got up and left.
I hate myself right now. So so so so much. I don't know if I can drop this class, but the class is 12 people and we have one-on-one sessions once with her every two weeks for the rest of the semester. I don't know what to do and I am freaking out. Should I email her apologizing? Should I drop the class?
I'm terrified of what she must think of me. I feel so lost. | Had a one-on-one session with my professor, she kept wanting to talk bout my childhood, I had a breakdown. What do I do now? |
t3_1iw9pu | relationships | I[22F] am sleeping with the brother [M20] of my "it's complicated" boyfriend [M22]. Help. | My "complicated friend" and I have a long, complicated history where we have been in numerous fights and overall the relationship is fairly unhealthy. A few years ago we broke up after he cheated on me and I started dating his younger brother for a few months. I took both of their virginities and their parents don't know.
It was a hurtful thing to do but he also hurt me so it ends up being incredibly dysfunctional for all of us. I told him the truth and eventually he forgave me as I forgave him for cheating. My "complicated friend" and I got back together but the same rocky story continued and we would break up and get back together many times.
Recently our break up has led me to sleep with his younger brother again. All I really want is my "complicated friend" to move on so I almost feel as if I'm doing this to get him to understand that and to give up on me. I feel lost and without direction. Also I am starting to get attached to the younger brother.
Is the right thing to do just to leave this poor family alone? Or should I pursue a relationship with one or the other. Please no harsh judgments, the situation is complicated beyond belief. | Slept with brother of my longterm "complicated friend" on two different occasions and he still hasn't moved on. |
t3_2ms0q0 | relationships | Me [20m] with my gf [20] of 6 months, found gay porn on her computer, don't know what to think | I've always been a very open and non judgemental person, my girlfriend has a promiscuous past but I looked past that part of her and she has been faithful to me and I I have accepted her past as what brought us together. However there have been a couple times when I've just opened up her computer to see a bunch of gay porn links that she didn't even try to hide, it would just be there in chromes most visited pages or something. The first time it happened, a few months ago, I had no idea what to do and I never said anything to her about it, but now with our relationship becoming more serious, my mind has been going back to that and I haven't had the ability to make sense of what happened or what I should think. Like I said I try to be as nonjudgemental as I can but its just really weird to me and makes me think that I can't satisfy her if what she is into is two dudes fucking. | came across gay porn on gf's computer. Is she just very warped sexually? Am I overreacting or being homophobic or am I justified in being sketched out? |
t3_1x49pd | relationship_advice | me [20/m] getting lots of mixed signals from a girl I've been talking to for a couple weeks [19/f] | I'm gonna try to keep this short, and I'm bad at writing out my thoughts, so I'll give this my best
Met a girl on OKCupid, we've been hanging out almost every day and spending the night for about 10 days or so. We haven't had sex or anything but every time we hang out we do something more if you catch my drift. Anyway, the way she talks it seems like she wants me to date her eventually because she'll mention how she talks about me with her friends and that sort of thing. But I'm getting mixed signals because fort example last night I heard her say something to the extent of "yeah we had to do some event for my club and there's this cute guy that my friends know I like and they make it awkward. but it's like he's so attractive I feel like I can't talk to him know what I mean?" and then she tries to cuddle all up on me after saying that.
We also like to look and laugh at all the creepy OKC messages she gets, and she showed me one and I kind of scrolled up and he messaged her first but she replied to yesterday with just a "awesome what's your major?" or something even after basically giving me all the "I want to date you eventually but we haven't been talking long enough" signals. But, she literally hasn't replied to any other messages other than that one and he seemed like an attractive looking guy, before he sent her a really long creepy message, lol.
Am I looking too much into this? Is she just keeping her options open before I do make it official? This is why I haven't dated anyone in a year and a half...it takes such a strong emotional toll on me :/
She also does 'girlfriend stuff' for me. Like, she cooked me breakfast this morning and made cookies before I came over (they were delicious btw). And we text all the time (usually her texting me first) | girl acts like she wants to date me eventually, we haven't been talking that long, sends me lots of mixed signals and I can't get a good read on her |
t3_35bmzd | askwomenadvice | Is it ever okay for a guy friend to confess his feelings in order to seek closure/move on? [M/25, F/22] | Backstory is that a friend of mine has been off and on flirting with me for the past year and a half, and although I like her back I never reciprocated due to my own self doubt and anxiety. I wrote about it in more detail here:
The problem now is that we've drifted apart as friends lately and she's gone quiet as she tends to do when her personal life is getting difficult. I've tried treating my feelings as just another crush, because I don't want to burden her with it, but that simply hasn't worked. My interest here is seeking any type of resolution, whether she feels the same way, wants to be friends, or is simply done with me altogether. Not saying anything at all just feels like going on without an answer to a question. I don't want to just go on regretting that I never said anything. I haven't heard back from her after the last time I texted her, but there's a history of her doing that and usually doesn't mean she dislikes me. | I want to seek closure with a situation between me and a friend, but not if it's unfair to burden her with it. |
t3_54u22t | relationship_advice | I'm a [22/M] and my coworker [22/F] have been attracted to each other for some time. We've come to a fork in the road where she either picks me or the other guy. Advice? Details in the description. | So my friend and I have been chatting back and forth for over a year now. She has expressed interest before but since she was seeing someone at the time, we simply maintained a good friendship and didn't pursue anything further.
About two months ago, she broke up with her ex. It was a bit of a messy breakup since he become too protective of her and was constantly on edge over who she was texting and talking to.
The day after her breakup, she told me that she wasn't seeing him anymore. She did confess that she is very heartbroken and needed time to collect herself again. I told her I would give her as much room and time as she needs as I see myself not as a rebound.
Fast forward to now, guys have been hitting her up left and right (She's a very attractive and flirtatious girl) and I give no extra thought to it. Another one of our coworkers (23/M) has been getting closer and closer to her since the breakup. They workout together, go to concerts together, etc. All this time, I didn't even give it a second thought.
Fast foward to yesterday. She confessed that she is stuck with a decision. She feels ready to date again but she doesn't know who to go with. She said that if she had to choose between him and I, it would be him due to the fact that he's such a sweet and nice guy. He's a "safe bet". But on the flip side, she said that chemistry is super important to her also. She said that she feels a chemistry with me that she doesn't feel with him. She finished by saying that if she was to blindly trust the fact that I'm actually a very nice guy too, she'd pick me.
I think the only solace I have is that we've never really been alone together. All she has really seen of me is at work, joking around and being silly. On the flip side, she has been going out with my guy coworker and expressed a lack of chemistry. | Stuck in a love triangle. Girl i'm attracted doesn't know who to choose: the super nice guy (my guy coworker) or me. Any advice? |
t3_4w7u9z | relationships | A friend [m/29] fell for me [f/27], I'm not interested. How do I let him down without ruining the friendship? | I moved to the city a couple years ago and made a friend who introduced me to her friends. One of them and I hit it off right away with and we began to hang out quite a bit. Never during this time was I ever flirty, intimate, or suggestive in any way, he even told me he never got the impression I ever wanted anything more (his words). But, he fell for me and is now kind of freaking out about it.
I am not a "relationship person". I don't like being touched, making out, cuddling, or even sex. I'm about as platonic as a person could be. I know he wants the whole relationship shebang (no pun intended). This is not something I am capable of at this time in my life and I don't feel for him any more than a friend. He is also not what I am looking for in a partner on top of me not wanting to be in a relationship with anyone. I've explained this to him, that I don't want to be intimate with anyone and that it's not personal but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. I've never fallen for anyone before and don't know what it's like to be around someone who I feel differently about than they do, so it's hard for me to relate to where he's coming from or understand his perspective.
The problem is this. My friend and I have built a really tight knit group of friends of which both me and him are a part of. I'm worried his inability to deal with this is going to destroy that friend group. It is currently the only group of friends I have and they are extremely important to me. I do not want to lose them. I know things will probably change between me and this guy but I don't want to lose everyone I care about in the process.
We're going to grab drinks in a couple days and talk it through. I could really use some perspective or insight on what I should do or how I should handle this. | A friend fell for me. I want to explain to him that I'm not interested in being in a relationship without it ruining the friendship or breaking up our extended group of friends. |
t3_2fjpl7 | tifu | TIFU by popping my girlfriend's mucus plug. | Happened a year and a half ago
I wake up at 5am to get ready for work, and my girl could not sleep well and well you know, she's awake I am getting ready for work, why not a little sexy time before work. She is 8-1/2 months pregnant and forplay is somewhat of a challenge, its really more ear an neck action. Then we get to it an I have her on her back on the bed as I am standing on the edge of the bed, we finish in about five mins. As I pull away, I see a little yellowish color, thick. I asked what it was because I have never seen it, I asked if it was discharge, she did not know. Its 5:20 by this time an I am fully dressed and about to leave as I see her on her back holding her belly with this face : /, I ask if shes ok, she mentions she maybe having contractions, but for me not to worry an go, and she'll get ready for work also. I get to work, and get a call from her around 10am that they contractions where getting worse an she was going to the doctor. get a call around 11:30am that her mucus plug was popping an they would go ahead an induce her labor. That evening our baby was born. | I had morning sex with my 8-1/2 pregnant girlfriend before work and popped her mucus plug, baby came later that day. |
t3_2suwqb | personalfinance | Can anyone help me to help my brother? His good nature has cost him £5000 | I've just been to my parents and had to find out through them that my brother has gotten into money trouble because of an ex-colleague.
A guy called Nathan asked my brother Paul if he could be his guarantor for a loan. I'm not good with this stuff but from what I gather, if Nathan misses a payment then it's my brothers responsibility to pay? So...Nathan is your classic smooth talker. He lays out all of his lame life issues to my brother and how all he needs is for him to sign this contract so he can get a loan that he so desperately needs to have. My brother is one of the most kind hearted, genuine people I have ever known. Nathan promises countless times that he won't miss a payment and he can pay it off quickly.
So it begins to go okay and then got worse soon after. From what I heard he was late most months and is now heading into his third month of not paying at all. He has now gone quiet.
My brother is happily married as of 2013 and had his first child, Thomas, in 2014 - the best little thing that has ever happened to our family after they lost their last child during pregnancy.
This Nathan, has moved to the north of the UK and is just completely out of sight now. I can't get to him, not like I could achieve anything that way anyway. I contacted him on Facebook and he deleted me. How am I supposed to get any sort of justice for my brother? I hate that he is just sitting there happily, not having to pay £5000 because legally he doesn't have to because the contract says so.
Now my brother is losing £200 a month until it's all paid off, for nothing. This money could go to Thomas and creating memories for his early life. I hate this.
I don't know why I'm really writing this but I've seen Reddit do amazing things and I'm hoping someone as a magical answer to make this all less shitty. I'm in full anger mode right now.
Thanks for reading. | Guy asked my brother to sign a contract so he can get a loan. Guy stops paying so my brother has to pay it. Guy goes quiet and has moved. |
t3_4bzd98 | relationships | My [26/F] fiancé [24/M] emotionally cheated on me for 1 year, now he will be her boss! | Hey,
About 4 years ago for about 2 years my SO and I were having some trouble in our relationship, a year in my SO got very close with a girl from university and that ended up as him emotionally cheating on me for a year, we got over that and he ended up cutting her of, a few months after that we have been going strong and our relationship has never been better.
This was 2 years ago, he told me today that she applied for a job at the company he works for who are urgently needing more staff, his boss (the MD) gave her the job, the job just so happens to be in his team and now starting on Monday and he will be her boss and be responsible for training her for the position (she is coming on as an apprentice)
I do not know how to handle this information, it's unrealistic for him to leave his job and we both don't want that, the pay is good, pay rise every 6 months, he is in a senior position in line to be made a director of his department within a few years if he keeps his performance up to the current standard he is making his team stick by, so everything is going good and if I tell him to leave we may never get such a good opportunity again.
She is also extremely beautiful thin with big boobs, perfect looking face, everything about her just screams that she could be a model, whereas I am obese (making good progress on my diet though, 32 pounds lost this year alone! Still got a good way to go though), i'm clearly insecure about her looks compared to mine.
So how do I handle this situation? | SO emotionally cheated on me with a girl who has model looks, he is now going to be her boss for the foreseeable future |
t3_37cjfl | relationships | My GF [25f] wants to give me [25m] a present I dont really want.. What to do? | So my GF sucks at giving me presents. I mean like really sucks, given me underwear once and stuff. (But to be fair, I'm extremly hard to buy presents for.. Even my parents have problem with finding something for me, I buy what I want before I tell people I want it), I give my SO the best presents all the time, stuff she uses all the time / so happy she cries, stuff she dont know she wants, but she wants them.
Anyhow, this year she has been working kinda alot and trying to get me a decent present. I found out by misstake that she is planning to buy us a trip to Barcelona.
It's a nice gift and it's really sweet of her, but I feel like it's to much money right now seeing as we might move soon, I am going to start my education soon and I kinda want to work the whole summer, also she's in debt and I want to get a drivers licenese (In Sweden it's kinda expensive.. Around 2000+ euro is normal)
So what should I do? I can't shut her down because she's been trying to get me something nice for 5 years now and always ended up failing and now she thinks she's on to the perfect present. | GF wants to buy me a trip to Barcelona as a suprise and I found out by misstake, but I feel like it's not the best use of our money. |
t3_30xvah | tifu | TIFU by offering Chocolates to my boss's children. | To start with, I don't have a great relationship with my boss. So I am always trying to impress him with stuff.
Today, he brought all of his 4 kids to the office.
I usually keep a bowl filled with chocolates on my desk so that I can socialize with people in the office. (LPT: A bowl of chocolates on your desk can be a great conversation starter if you are a little introverted).
The chocolates are all different. Kisses, Hershey's, Dark Chocolates, Krackers, and **mr.Goodbar.**
Thinking of a GREAT OPPORTUNITY to impress my boss, I started conversing with the kids and offered them the chocolates.
NOTE: While I was doing that, my boss had a phone-call and left his cabin.
Now, 2 of his kids are allergic to peanuts. And they both took mr.Goodbar which contains peanuts. I don't know what the F@%K happened, they both turned green like hulk & started screaming.
WTF!
My boss, hearing them scream, came back & totally unloaded on me. Told me I shouldn't have offered them chocolates. He took his kids & rushed to the doctor.
So that's how I completely fucked-up today at the office. | Boss's kids are allergic to peanuts. I offered chocolates containing peanuts to them to impress my boss. Kids get sick; boss freaks-out & unloads on me. |
t3_2ayv0e | relationships | I [F22] finally told my SO [M21] of two years that our relationship felt unequal. He broke up with me. | I have been pretty unhappy lately with my SO (I guess ex?) of two years. I've always been the one to put a more effort in when it came to making it work. We loved each other equally, but after a while, I felt like he was the person and I was the girlfriend. We just didn't feel like partners.
Despite this, we had a pretty wonderful relationship. We were both supportive and thoughtful and we just had so much fucking fun. All the time. Being around him felt like being with my best friend. Even after two years, sleeping in the same bed felt like the best sleepover I've ever been to.
We've been doing long distance for two months because or work, but I visited him last weekend and really noticed the issues with inequality in our relationship. I felt like I had been the only one putting effort in the past few months and that he had been coasting through. I wasn't getting what I needed anymore. So yesterday I called him and wanted to talk it out. I expressed my thoughts, asked him if he could make some changes.
All of a sudden, he's having a life crisis. He needs to figure himself out. This is all him, all his fault. He loves me so much and thanks me for everything. And before I know it, I'm listening to a dial tone and I've been broken up with. Just like that.
Where do I even go from here? Three days ago, I had a partner who I wanted to move through life with. I feel so suddenly and violently misplaced and I don't know if this is worth trying to fix. It just hurts to think that it took him twenty minutes to decide to throw all of our plans away. | Asked boyfriend to put effort in and invest in my feelings, he flipped it into a personal crisis and broke up with me. |
t3_zfkws | relationship_advice | Asshole ruined my chances with a girl, is this fixable? | Me: Male 22, Her 22 Length of relationship: No relationship
A girl I recently met had been trying to hang out with me via mutual friends for about a week. Others had told me that she was interested in me. On Friday a large group of friends went out to a bar, and we ended up making out. Nothing else. She texted me the next day, we flirted and everything was fine.
I saw her at a mutual friends birthday party on Sunday, and the first thing she says to me is "So Adam said that you bet him $50 you could sleep with me." (Adam is a mutual friend) I denied it because I never made such a bet. What really happened was that me and Adam were drunk, and said to me, "I bet you $50 you cannot sleep with her." My answer was along the lines of, "Yeah, ok whatever Adam." I never made a bet with him, and I don't know why that asshole would tell her I did, even if it was true.
She seemed generally annoyed with me the rest of the day.
When she was leaving she went up to talk to me, I asked her if she wanted to get some drinks this week. She said it depends if she is still mad at me. I repeated my point that I never made such a bet.
I've tried texting her twice. The first time asking her how she was, and to see if she wanted to meet up later this week. The second time just to ask her about her day and shoot the shit.
She replied back but seem disinterested and never replied further than my first text, each time.
Does anyone have any advice how to fix this? She seemed like a pretty cool chick, and I don't want to miss a chance to get to know her better just because some dickhead lied to her. | Things were going well with a girl until a mutual "friend" lied to her by saying we had a bet I could fuck her. Now she seems to have lost interest. |
t3_508h0r | legaladvice | Questions regarding the potential legal issues with trailblazing (outdoorsman). | So, recently a friend has brought me on a number of neat nature trails. The third time we went out we stood admiring a creek about 15 yards away. He sighed, and started to continue walking the trail.
"Wait," I said, "there's something in the water there; can we go check it out?"
He looked at me a little stunned before nodding and leading the way down to the creek. We found a shard of pottery, an unfired pottery container of some kind, and a handful of smooth black rocks that sparkle in the sunlight.
We had a little adventure that day, and it's left me with a great hunger for more. I want to explore just off the beaten path. I'm aware that there are dangers involved and I plan to keep with me - if you folks can answer some questions and calm some legality fears I'm having - a first aid kit and a backpack with a variety of tools for survival and, well. Trailblazing.
Specifically, I'm wondering what is the legality behind buying a machete - for underbrush and self defense -, sticking it in a large backpack (we're talking Everest Hiker-style), and pulling it out when necessary to hack through dense foliage? Do I need a permit for this? Is it even legal to go hacking through nature?
I'm not looking to destroy the beauty that I'm experiencing - though I do see the hypocrisy in that statement given the context. But who owns the land off these nature trails? Am I at risk for legal trouble if I cut through some underbrush to get at what appears to be artifacts or points of interest? Can I incur a fine for damaged property?
If the specific state I live in is required is it wise for me to tell you people that information? | I want to buy a machete and some survival gear and go exploring in the wilderness off of nature trails. Legal advice? |
t3_opvws | relationships | Distance and distrust of people in dorms, am I just being a soppy prat? | My girlfriend 23 is away in the US for a length of time, studying and staying in halls there. I (22m) love her very much, she makes my day and we just fit so well in every single way, I think of her and smile every time... but another thought has clouded my view of late, she is making new friends which is fantastic but I worry, hopefully ridiculously that some fucker who she becomes friends with will try and make a tipsy move on her at some point. Stupid, yes, but I honestly am being affected by the images put across about US students and some of the stuff that goes on.
There is one guy in particular she has mentioned with increasing frequency who likes similar things, has already established a few in jokes with my girl and who has interrupted one of our Skype calls and she quite happily chatted away whilst I sat there, somewhere deep inside seething with a want to see this guy, stare him down and make sure he knows I'd rip off his head, I guess I'm struggling with the distance but tell me, am I being a big, childish tit? Will this pass?
I'll be back in a few hours, need to work but I appreciate all who read and advise :) | Girlfriend in US, I kind of want to make her new friends aware I'd snap the arms off the male ones if they try to make any moves on her, but I know she wouldn't do anything, Dick or not? |
t3_3ax25l | relationships | My [23/F] brother [16/M] rung my sister [27/F] begging for help. He wants us to help him get off of drugs and turn his life around. | My sister and I live 16 hours away from our Mum and two younger siblings. Apparently all hell has broken loose over there, and our little brother rung us up and asked for our help getting his life back together.
I don't know him very well, but my sister does, and she's determined to try and help him. He's 16, with one kid and another on the way (both mothers have cut contact with him unless he pulls his head in), and numerous drug issues. I know he's been smoking weed and drinking since he was about twelve, but recently he'd taken up with harder stuff (namely, ice. the fun stuff).
I have no experience with drugs myself, although I've spent my life around those that take them. I don't know what to expect when he comes down here, and I don't know how to help him or what rules to set. All I know is we have to try, since if we don't then we'll lose our brother without giving him a chance.
Does anyone have any advice for us? I don't know where else to go for help. | 16 year old brother is on the verge of destroying his life. He wants us to help, but we don't know what to expect |
t3_4umu76 | weddingplanning | Help with shower invites! [etiquette?] | Hey lovely wedditors!
I need some advise about shower invitations! My sister and grandma are doing most of the planning (yay!) but need my guest list as they don't know all of my friends. For reference, FH and I live in Arizona which is where the wedding will be. My entire family and a good chunk of my close friends live in Illinois.
I am fully expecting about 40% of my extended family to RSVP no for the wedding. Whether it's because of travel expenses or time off of work, I just don't think coming to AZ is doable for some of them. That being said, I still want to involve them in some of the festivities and celebrate with them. I go home to Illinois very rarely so a small 2nd reception at home a few weeks after the wedding for those that couldn't come is not on the table. The only event that will be held in IL is the shower.
So my questions! Is it weird to invite guys to a bridal shower? FH seems to think they would be bored. I wouldn't want my aunts/cousins/family friend's mom to have to come to the party without their other half though, especially if that's the only wedding related event they are able to come to. Also, I don't want to send out invites to those families that I KNOW won't be able to come to the wedding if it will make them feel obligated to come or stressed about RSVPing no. I definitely don't want to be rude by inviting them to the shower and not the wedding but I also don't want them to feel pressured into traveling. | My wedding is in AZ, shower is in IL, how do I include everyone without pressuring anyone to travel if it's outside their means? |
t3_m4lri | loseit | [SV] Down about 20lbs, and [Help] Just wondering if anyone else has this weird problem | I've been posting/commenting in this subreddit a little bit, and every time I get some pretty good feedback and amazing motivation.
First off, I weighed myself today and I've lost 20lb's since changing my lifestyle 5 weeks ago! I'm really excited and happy that I've been able to stay motivated and push myself. I know I still have a long way to go before hitting my goal.
My family have been the only ones to really say anything to me about noticing my weight drop, but my problem is that whenever I look in the mirror I honestly don't see a difference in my body. I still see the same old fat me even though I dropped 20lb's. I haven't noticed losing any weight in any specific area of my body and such, but I know I'm losing weight since the scale doesn't lie and my clothes are fitting noticeably looser. I was just wondering if anyone else has had this feeling while losing weight. I know it's probably psychological, but I guess i'd feel better knowing I'm not the only one out there that feels this way...
Anyways, I try not to let that get me down about my weight loss because if I keep this up I'll be 40lb's down by Christmas and I'll be able to make my extended family and friends jaw drop from my weight loss, and I'll feel awesome being able to control my portions with food! lol...
Thanks guys! | lost 20lbs, but I can't notice it looking in the mirror even though my clothes noticeably fit different. Wondering if anyone else feels that way. |
t3_3aazfp | relationships | If I [24F] don't clean the house my SO [24M] gets mad | We've been living together for almost four years now and things are getting a little complicated. I work at home, so I spend most of my time here. Sometimes I have so much to be done, so when I grab something to eat I don't wash the dishes right away because I need to stay focused in my work.
He works from 9am to 7pm and gets home only after 22pm because he's graduating, I understand it's hard for him to help me at home but when he comes home and sees the dishes aren't done, for example, he gets all moody.
I do mostly of the house work, I take care of the cats, I do the laundry and fold his clothes, I make the bed everyday and all stuff like that. He does help, but not that much. When he's at home he usually stays in front of the computer, but I think he could use an hour or two to help me. When I confront him it can goes two ways: he says I'm right and he'll do better or says that he hate that kind of talk.
I know he's been trough a lot of stress and I gave him presents and I even bought him a nice wine to him relax, but I don't remember the last time he gave me a gift. He buys games (I don't mind if he plays, I play too) but usually complains if I ask him to use his credit card to buy something for the cats or for the house.
He's very affectionate, he loves to hug me, cuddle and say nice things but I don't think that enough. Am I crazy? Most of times when we talk about it it's pointless, I'm getting really tired of this routine.
Now I'm starting to show how upset I am because I reached out a point I can't pretend to be ok. He asks if something is wrong but I don't feel like talking. So he just stay away and I get more melancholic.
I'm not sure what should I do. Should I leave him? Should I gave him an ultimatum? Should I be more patient? | Boyfriend is busy and doesn't help much, I don't think talking can solve it and I'm terribly upset and lonely. |
t3_547ksk | tifu | TIFU by parking my truck outside. | (This happened a few months ago.)
It was one of those days that just started badly, I don't want to go into the full day story, only what started my bad day. You see I live in an apartment, that has underground parking and outside lot parking. In order to park in the lot, you have to be a resident of the complex and have a parking placard, if you don't you either need to park in the visitor designated parking area, or on the street. If you park in the underground parking, the parking placard is not really necessary, since you pay for the protected parking. Usually I park in the underground, and have been for years. How ever there was some maintenance work being done to the underground parking area, so I was forced to park outside for a week or so. The one day, I went to work, and did some errands, how ever I took down the placard hanging from my rear view mirror so I could drive without it distracting me, and put it on the little shelf above my glove compartment. I got home after running errands, parked in the lot, and thought I put the placard back up.
The next morning, when I was leaving for work, I noticed my truck is gone. I panicked for a bit, thinking someone stole my truck, but then I ended up remembering about the placard. My truck was towed. That is the consequence if you do not have a parking sticker and are parked in the wrong area of the lot. I ended up going to the main office to get the number of the towing company that my complex has, and I find out they did tow it. I ended up walking a little over a mile in the pouring rain and paying a bit of money to get my truck out of the impound and was 45 minutes late for work. Fortunately for me I have an understanding boss. I was cussing myself out a MASSIVE blue streak. Not a good start to the day. I forgot to put the placard back up. Fortunately I learned from that costly mistake. | I parked my truck in the main part of my complex's parking lot, forgot to put the parking sticker up and it got towed. |
t3_39y5lo | offmychest | I can't get things together... | I just can't get my shit together. The past couple of years I have struggled to gain respect from my peers, but I feel like I can't seem to bring anything respectable to the table. I'm intelligent but they view me as an idiot sometimes and I cannot stand it. I'm a cadet in ROTC but I'm just not good at it, and I can't seem to get the hang of ROTC life, even with 3 years in, and people in my class don't really respect me as a cadet. They like me, but they don't view me as very dependable, they respect me outside of cadet land but inside I am invisible, and this mindset is so ingrained that even when I do something right it is ignored. I wanted to use this summer as the time to change myself, learn to focus in the important. Read, box, gain wisdom and insight. I compiled a list of books ranging from the Great Gatsby to The Republic, but I just can't force myself to read them, I end up just reading the same sentence ten times and put the book down. I would read something and forget it a day later. I don't have a learning disability, I just have no motivation and my mind ignores things that do not interest me. I want to come back home in the fall as a different person entirely but I don't know how to force myself to mature a little. I want to learn how to value the important things: knowledge, wisdom. I want to be a Renaissance man but I can only hold on to motivation for a short time before it flies out the window. The only thing that seems to be working is boxing, which I am good at. I'm starting to hate myself and my apparently growing vanity and narcissism because I'm very physically fit and it's starting to takeover my personality. I can only get so far on looks and fighting talent, my mind and personality will far oitlive my physical stature. I want to be great but I fucking can't. | I want to gain the respect of my peers by being somebody to look to as mature and intelligent. I have the potential, I just don't know where to start and how to change myself. |
t3_3y67i3 | relationships | I [45 F] think my boyfriend [60 M] may be a creep. Advice please! | I've been dating my 60 year old boyfriend for a year and a half, I'm 45. We love each other, and we have great chemistry. We do role play daddy/little girl which I liked until this incident happened.
We are both divorced and have dated a lot before finding each other- we met online and he pursued me for a long time before we started dating.
He has a wondering eye which I told him I didn't like, and he agreed to stop- he still looks at women, but doesn't stare like he used to which creeped me out.
A few days ago he was showing me something on Facebook and his search history came up- there were 3 women on there- pretty young looking, but there was one who looked about 15 and was provocatively dressed. She looked almost my daughter's age- she is 13.
When I clicked on it he freaked out and said he didn't remember searching for her and has no memory of her and said he wouldn't look at young girls like that.
I feel kind of sick about it, but he also didn't hide it from me and said I could look at his FB and anything right there and then.
I don't know if I'm over reacting or if he's lying and likes looking at young girls.
He loves me so much and says he wants to marry me. | Should I break up with my boyfriend because he is a creep who looks at young girls, or am I overreacting? |
t3_trhqv | AskReddit | Reddit, I need your help. | This is a throwaway for what will be obvious reasons.
My mom is suffering from a severe and eventually deadly form of cancer. Throughout all of the surgeries and chemo she's been strong and is the anchor of my family. Recently, however, I noticed that she is starting to become depressed - not because of her illness, but because of her inability to "do things" anymore.
Raising her children was always her job, and over the years the only other hobby she ever cultivated was gardening. Now, other than the random short trips the garden to weed, she doesn't have the strength to do the one thing that always brought her joy. She's slowly becoming more inactive, and sleeps constantly. I'd like to stress that this is from her depression, not from her cancer.
I suffer from severe depression myself and have tried to give her a few words of her own advice, to no avail. I live far away from her and recently I had thought to start sending her care packages full of activities that she could do inside the home, but the only thing I could come up with is something to do with bonzai trees. I already suggested drawing, painting, puzzles, knitting, etc, etc, only to be shot down by her.
Anyway, what I'm looking for is ideas for activity packages I can send her to help her get interested in doing things again. I don't really want her to know that I'm sending them and I even thought that if I overwhelmed her with things I already suggested, perhaps she would try doing them to occupy her time anyway. | My mom is getting depressed because she can't garden anymore, what can I send her to help her become active again? |
t3_1t9n6l | relationships | My [19M] girlfriend [19F] of 10 months says I can't hang out with my friends if my ex-girlfriend [19F] is present. Am I being an asshole for doing so anyway? | Essentially, I dated a girl in high school for three years, but we broke up before I went to college out of state. I met a new girl my second semester in college, and we've been together for 10 months now.
Now, normally my past relationship isn't an issue, but when I come home for breaks, I spend a fair bit of time catching up with my friends from high school. The issue is, my ex and I are part of the same friend group, so it is often the case that she is present when we congregate.
My current girlfriend has freaked out (to the point of throwing up, refusing to talk to me for days, etc.) in the past when this has happened. She is adamant that under no circumstances am I allowed to be in the same place at the same time as my ex. She has gone so far as to say that it is "morally wrong" for couples to be friends post-breakup.
So, yesterday morning, I was invited to go to dinner with a group of 10+ people, including my ex, and I decided I wanted to go. I asked my girlfriend, and as soon as I did, she immediately stopped responding to texts, wouldn't answer my calls, etc. Upset that she would cut me off for even asking her about seeing my ex, I went to dinner anyway.
So, I guess what I really want to know is whether you all think I'm an asshole for doing so. I don't have an issue with her hanging out with her ex's, so I can't understand why she would have an issue with me doing the same, but maybe I'm missing something?
Any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance! | Dated girl for 3 years, broke up, new girlfriend of 10 months says I can't hang out with friends if ex is present. |
t3_36eosp | relationships | Me [29 F] with my fiancé [30 M] asking his mom for advice - is this normal? | Is this normal? My fiancé isn't particularly close to his mom (not a momma's boy or anything) but when we have arguments he will ask her for her advice. I feel a bit uncomfortable with this as I'm of the view that you sort out fights between yourselves in a relationship. I get that sometimes people need advice, but I still feel a bit weird about his mom knowing about fights we've had - I talk to her a lot and don't want her to think ill of me if he's portraying our arguments in a certain light that is unfavorable to me & not telling her the full story. His mom drops huge hints to me afterwards and gives advice like "make sure you let him think it was his idea" or "don't put pressure on him, just gently say X" etc. without acknowledging that he's spoken to her about a disagreement we've had. I get that she's trying to help, but it's just a bit weird knowing that she knows about an argument and is directly advising me on how to change my behavior afterwards.
He does a similar thing with friends from time to time, sometimes with minor disagreements. Of course I don't want to isolate him from his support systems but just trying to understand if I'm justified in feeling kind of weird about people that I talk to knowing my business and potentially thinking badly of me if they're only ever hearing his side of any disagreements. | Fiance asks mom for advice on our disagreements and it makes me feel awkward that she knows our business. Is this normal? |
t3_12t48l | relationships | I'm [28/m] concerned that my girlfriend [24/f] is crossing the line with personal trainer. | Me: 28, male. Her: 24, female. Duration of relationship: 6 months
Issue: Girlfriend hired personal trainer through her gym. Her personal trainer set her up with 'MyFitnessPal' (mobile app to track calorie intake). So far, so great. I also use 'MyFitnessPal'. The girlfriend logged into the MyFitnessPal website on my personal PC (not a big deal to me), used it for a few minutes to input her diet data and closed the browser. Fast forward the next day when I hop onto my PC, and use MyFitnessPal for my account, it appears she left herself logged in.
Side note: She had text messaged her personal trainer to ask him some questions regarding protein powder. To me, that's totally acceptable. Not a big deal.
Back to MyFitnessPal - she has a new message. Now, I'm outright curious at this point as I didn't even know MyFitnessPal was a pseudo-social media site. The message is from her trainer. And so is the other 14+ messages that have gone between them over the course of a week.
The messages start off harmless, but, eventually migrate to topic's that are inappropriate for a client/trainer relationship.
Here are some snippets: HIM: mostly eh :P. take it you wouldn't mind a guy you actually liked to pay for something :P I have met guys who had girls do the same and never understood that I couldn't have a girl pay for tons of stuff for me it would feel wired as hell. lol. but they were shady douche guys that I didn't get along with lol. haha well I can always repay your kindness during sessions :P
HER: so since you were a marine is it safe to assume youve been married like 3 times and have 5 kids? ;)
My thoughts: This is making me super uncomfortable. I don't know how to tackle this situation, since I technically 'snooped' on her account. | I snooped. Girlfriend and personal trainer are messaging each other. I feel uncomfortable and don't know how to address this. |
t3_2l9rjs | relationships | Struggling with decision about my ex-fiancee (20f) | I (20m) ended a relationship with my ex last year. My parents were a bit relieved, even though they loved her the like a daughter they never had, because her family had been putting some harsh demands on our relationship and me.
For example I dug a new well in at their new house and the only help I got was their youngest son who has two prosthetic legs And weighs about 105 lbs soaking wet. That was not fun or easy but I did it because I loved their daughter more than anything. Two months later they decided to move to another state and demand that their 20yo daughter transfer schools to move with them and forbade me to ever visit them until I could support a family. I called her told her that it probably wouldn't work and that we should move on unless her mother changed her mind.
Her mother's requirements are that I have a new car, 10k in savings, and a job that pays 40k or more. I'm not far off that mark anyways but out of impatience I ended the relationship.
That was a year ago and I now think I've made a huge mistake. When I'm out with other girls I keep thinking about her. When I hear anyone talk about mistake this is what comes to mind. I broke her heart and now I just want her back. My parents aren't really supportive of this but I know they like her despite her family. I've got a text message typed right now and I'm debating whether or not to send it. I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep in over a year because of this. | I'm still in love with my ex fiancee and I want her back even though I broke her heart. I hate seeing her hurt and I'm afraid I'll just hurt her again. What should I do? |
t3_2opkkk | relationships | Trying to decide if I [30/M] should tell my friend [25/F] the truth about my feelings.. | I have a very good friend that has recently separated from her SO. She and I have begun talking again but prior to doing so, a mutual friend mentioned to her that I have "feelings" for her.
We talked for about a week and a half straight and then she texted me and asked me about it. I told her it was true. She said she would talk to me the next day and I didn't hear from her for 4 days. I caved and texted her asking why she had been avoiding me, and she said that she didn't know how to answer the question. I told her to forget about it and we should move on with our friendship.
I really love having this girl as a friend, but I'd love to try and see how this develops. I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to wander through life wondering "what if".
I guess what I'm asking is, should I see how it pans out... maybe she'll see how much she means to me, or should I ask her why she has a problem with my feelings and ultimately risk her running again?
So confused... | My female friend knows I have feelings for her. She asked and I admitted it and she didn't return texts for days. Do I investigate further or wait and see what happens to relationship? |
t3_2lpx7d | relationships | I [17M] don't really know what I have with her [17F] (9 months) | The following situation I am going to try to explain as detailed as possible, will probably sound childish, weird or absurd, but I am right now pretty much lost, I have mixed feelings, and the situation is driving me mad.
Well, to start with a little background info; I had been dating this girl, lets call her N, for over 7 months but the last few weeks we drove apart we were pissed at each other and stopped talking. This was back in september. (Summer and holidays were mainly the reason for this.) Truth is we had a fantastic relationship. I must say she is the first person I've fallen for, and she was my first girlfriend.
Since then, we both sort of moved on and accepted what happened, and we started talking again, at first because we go to the same school, we are in the same class, and we have the same subjects, and therefore it is better to have a relationship as classmates. After a few weeks we started to be more friendly with each other. Finally this last few weeks we've been flirting, we have been talking for hours like we used to, and we've both admitted we have feelings for the other.
Now we have arrived to the point were things get interesting, we sit together in some lessons and in one of those lessons we are always irritating playfully one and other below the table and whilst we were doing this we grabbed each others hands like we used to. So probably the answer is obvious here but I ain't 100% sure about it. What should I do next?
Thanks beforehand and excuse my poor english, It is late here and it isn't my first language (as you may have noticed). | After falling apart, my relationship with my GF is getting back on its track, although I'm not sure on what my next move should be. |
t3_19h409 | relationships | Going on vacation with my [22F]GF, should I [28M] spit costs? | We will be going on a vacation soon and I was wondering if I should pay for all of it or would it be normal to ask her to split the costs with me, for gas and a hotel etc.
We have been together for over 1 year now and do split other things, such as dinners and stuff.
She does complain sometimes that I should just pay for more things but I dont see how that is fair if its for something we both will benefit from.
Am I being stupid in asking for this or is it a normal request? | Going on a trip with GF. Wondering if asking to split costs is normal acceptable thing to ask. We both make about the same amount of money. |
t3_1rey9z | AskReddit | donating my egg...what do I tell my boss? | Today I have a meeting with my boss, and I'm planning on telling him about my upcoming egg donation. I'm a high school teacher and I'll be required to show up late to school about 3-6 times, since I'll be getting ultrasounds done every other morning during a 12 day process prior to egg retrieval...so I have to have a clarification of my absence. Just so you know, these ultrasounds MUST be done in the mornings, so it's not like I can just go after I get out of work. He's not a judgmental man, but I'm not exactly sure how to phrase it to him. "I'm donating an egg...can I show up to work late a few times during this 12 day process???" Advice? | I'm donating an egg, which will cause me to show up late to work 3-6 times. What do I tell my boss? |
t3_4791wl | relationships | My [27F] bf [29M] of 6 months wants me to nag him. I don't want to | Mobile user so obligatory apology for formatting, grammatical and spelling mistakes.
Not sure if this is relevant or not, but this is my first ever relationship, but he has had relationships before.
Our relationship started off a little rocky. Between my low self-esteem, his tendency to make the most horribly timed jokes and our terrible communication skills, we've both had hurt feels. However, we've both improved in all aspects and things have been much more steady and consistent.
But in terms of asking him to do things, I feel like my patience has worn thin. When our relationship started, he openly told me that it had been a few years since his last serious relationship so he had gotten used to doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, and that if I wanted him to do something I would need to nag him. At the time, I wasn't exactly sure what this meant or the extent to which I'd have to nag. Turns out, I really do have to constantly tell him everyday to do (x) until he actually does it. It's incredibly frustrating and, having done it so many times about different things, I'm quite sick of it. It leaves me feeling exhausted at the end of a busy work day and my mind has started to wonder if there is actually anything I can so about him.
He's a lovely person and cares a great deal for us, but Im so tired of nagging. We get along really well, it's not often that I find someone that I'd be willing to spend so much time with. I've told him this before, but I'm starting to feel less like a girlfriend and more like a mother. I'm quite frustrated and sad that I've been made to feel this way and I don't want our relationship to end over this, but I'm starting to run out of options.
I guess what I'm asking for is stories or experiences of being in similar positions, maybe what you/your SO did that made you realise you needed to change. | boyfriend wants me to nag him to do stuff. I don't want to be his mother. What to do? |
t3_3yxmae | relationships | my boyfriend (25/M) of 2.5 years can't talk to me (21/F) about our future while sober | my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. all of our mutual friends say how perfect we are together. We often talk about wedding songs, baby names, etc, in an abstract manner.
For example, I can say "this Van Morrison song would make a great first dance song," to which he will happily agree, but i can't say "this should be our first dance song" or he will freak out. Whenever he gets drunk, he always talks to our friends about marrying me, but sober he would never.
In addition, I'm a recent college grad and just landed a solid job with benefits and the possibility for career advancement. I also plan on going back to school. He often talks about going back (he is 25 and has about a year of college under his belt) but has no real sense of direction. he works a dead end job and hates it. If i bring up school, however, he calls me a nag and says im acting like his mom. if he brings it up, i have to casually agree and not seem to involved or, again, he gets all defensive and weird.
I see a future with him, I love him and know he loves me, but I wonder if I should be investing time and building a future around someone who is stagnant, *seems* invested, but simply can't seem to communicate. What do I do?? | boyfriend has horrible communication skills, but occasionally shows glimpses of being very invested in our future together (usually when drunk). need advice on how to get him to level with me |
t3_fpcpd | relationships | My long-term bf wants to make some big moves in the next year but seems unwilling to take the necessary steps. Advice? | My bf and I are both in our early twenties and have been dating ~3 years/all through college. I am graduating soon, will be starting my "grown up" life, etc. Although my bf graduates after me, he graduates pretty soon as well. We both want to move in together and get married within the next year or so, but he has yet to start doing things like saving up for a ring, getting a job, etc. I'm a good gf, and I don't want to push him too hard, but should I ask him to step it up a bit or delay my own expectations? | Bf wants to get married somewhat soon but has not been willing to take the steps to do so. Push him or lower expectations? |
t3_2oucsx | relationship_advice | Me (20/f) and my SO/boss (25/m) are two compatible people with totally incompatible futures. Do I break it off now? | My bf and I have been dating for about 9 months and it's been kind of a roller coaster. He was the biggest crush I've ever had and we work together (he's technically the manager) and it's been amazing to know that not only did he choose to like me back, but to love me as well.
We have a very mature relationship, we never fight or lose our tempers, but this year I've been fighting a sudden oncoming of anxiety and it's definitely put a damper on things. To be honest, I never had an anxiety attack until after we started dating. I think he might sometimes be an anxiety trigger because of his inability to talk to me when I need him to.
Anyway, I'm planning on moving across the country next year to pursue my career, and he is totally settled down where we live. He's about to take over the business we both work at, so he has a solid job. I've never lived anywhere else, so I need to get out.
I know he's not coming with me, and he's really not that open about talking about it. Should I cut it off sooner than later or try to enjoy what we have while we have it?
I put so much work into this relationship, and if it were later in life I would totally consider a long term future with this person. But that's just not the case.
Also, just throwing this out there but this was triggered by him admitting to me that his sex drive has gone way down recently, and it just got me thinking about the whole thing in general. | Dating and loving my coworker, but I'm moving next year and he's not and wondering if I should just cut it off now. |
t3_fyzk8 | AskReddit | What is your most awkward daily social interaction? | At my school I usually arrive at 7:30am, so no one else is really there yet. Except myself and usually this one other older man who tries to talk to me every morning. Every morning I'm trying to be as unpleasant as possible so this guy will leave me alone, but he never gets the hint that I don't want to talk to him, ever.
Now you probably think I'm a huge asshole, but the reason I don't want to talk to him is about 10 years ago he had an affair with my mother. Cheated on his wife with my mom, strung my mom along promising he was going to get a divorce, but in the end he dumped her and she cried for weeks. I think she was really in love with this guy, and he used her up and tossed her away.
He doesn't recognize me, for one it was 10 years ago and I'm 23 now, for another I have a beard that pretty adequately conceals my facial features. | Guy who broke my mother's heart 10 years ago doesn't recognize me, spends a few minutes nearly every morning trying to talk to me while I give him the cold shoulder. |
t3_14yf3e | Advice | In Need of Relationship Advice. | So my later school years I had my first kiss with my first girlfriend who also happens to be my first love. We dated for 3 years and never went further than making out reaching up shirts, and a bit of clothed cuddling. Eventually she broke it off saying that she just wasn't feeling the same way anymore and suggested that we both moved on. Devastated, I immediately went searching for a rebound, and found one in my current girlfriend who I've been with for a little over a year. I didn't mean for our relationship to last this long, but things really clicked. I can't deny that I have strong feelings for her, but they haven't surpassed those of my previous girlfriend and I doubt they ever will.
Recently I've encountered 2 problems; the first being that my ex contacted me for the first time since our breakup and is leading me to believe she wants to try again. The second being that my girlfriend is ready to have sex, and I'm really not. Yes I'm probably much older than many of you were when you lost your virginity, however I really can't see myself with anybody but my ex.
I hate to say it but I really have considered all kinds of slimy things. The list includes cheating, lying to both of them, I've even considered having sex with my girlfriend then breaking up with her and having sex with my ex. I'm honestly unsure of what to do anymore. There's no guarantee that my ex even wants to try again, it could just be my wishful thinking or her being friendly. | My ex girlfriend broke up with me, my current girlfriend loves me. My ex may want me back, and my current wants to have sex. What do I do? |
t3_35eenw | tifu | TIFU by forgetting to close the browser | So here i am, 12:58 am writing this post about how i fucked up today.
It started last night when i decided it was time to "pop the cork" so to speak. After finishing my business I minimize the browser and close my laptop eventually falling into a deep sleep for the big day ahead.
I awake in the morning to a ringing alarm clock. 8:20 am. SHIT. I had slept in. Immediately i sprang out of bed and packed everything into a bag as fast as possible. After a few minutes of running around i was in the car and headed towards work. Little did i know that today i had to showcase a presentation in-front of my whole office. The time came where i was suddenly told the news and began to quickly setup unprepared. As i connect my screen to the projector I open up power point. Being the idiot i am, instead of waiting for it to load I decided that it was time to search up some pictures. I press ctrl + alt + tab and there it is. The wonderful sight of a girl with her legs spread wide, getting strap-on fucked in the ass. I was fired and given many strange/disgusted faces as i strode the walk of shame out of the building. | Decided to "explode" the night before a presentation, end up leaving my browser open for my whole work community to see. |
t3_3psiiw | relationships | I [27 F] am having trouble meeting decent men. | Ok I am new to reddit. So, sorry if I make any mistakes or whatever.
I am 27 years old. I have a 4 year old son. And I'm single. I want to meet a nice guy, but I need advice on how to do that. I am very shy around new people, and I don't get out of the house much (I take online classes in college). I would say I am fairly good looking, and in decent shape. And I consider myself intelligent, and have a good personality. Buuuut I've tried all the dating sites (tinder, okcupid, etc), and all I seem to meet are jerks who just seemed to screw me over. I know there are good guys out there though!
Also, I don't drink. So I don't go out to bars and such. I have no idea where to even begin looking for a decent guy in my situation. I like video games, movies, reading, writing, swimming, normal stuff like that.
My last serious relationship was with a guy I met overseas. He (26 M) lives in Scotland and we were together for like a year, but he has anger issues so I broke it off. That sucked.
Anyway, does anyone have any advice? Sorry if this is kind of scattered. I tried to give all the pertinent information, so someone could help. I don't want to be alone forever. I just seem to have the worst luck...:/ | I [27 F] want to meet a good guy who shares my interests and doesn't mind that I have a 4 year old son. But I am shy and don't know how to meet people! What should I do? |
t3_3ai6nw | relationships | Me [23M] with my partner [23F] 6 months (one year), feel torn as to whther to be with her | So to cut a long story short, i started intereacting with my girlfriend about a year ago, shortly after she left a 5yr relationship.
In the beginning i idolised her to the point of full blown love and contemplating the future. She was obviously hesitant due to just leaving a long term relationship and it took a long time for her to learn to trust and open up again, we started out becoming best friends and talking non-stop but now it's dwindled to seeing each othe rone night a week and texting sporadically.
We've both openly talked about the future and from my perspective i have changed as a person and feel i cannot (at this point in my life) consider children for at LEAST 8-10 years, whereas she would be happy to start a family tomorrow.
Some days I just lack the energy and enthusiasm to fully be the boyfriend she deserves and whilst I still care deeply for her, I don't want to waste 10 years of her life to then turn around and say I definitely don't want kids.
I think part of it is the fact that I had such strong feelings for her LONG before she did for me, and so I was chasing her for months when she didn't see me as more than a very good friend.
Along with all this, the sex has slowed down to maybe 2 nights a month,due to how often we see each other and how many nights she's just not in the mood.
We have a holiday booked together in 2 months and I think another part of the reason I haven't ended things sooner is I want us to have a good memory together, but also i feel that it will highlight how different we are as people (me the active and adventurous, her the relaxing and unwinding) | After escaping the friend-zone, I feel i'm not giving her everything she deserves, and will end up wasting the best years of her life. |
t3_3xikgv | pettyrevenge | If you demand free shit, you'll have to work for it. | I work for a retail company (in our region's main office, not in a store) which means I get to deal with the "I want to speak with the manager" types who aren't placated even after they talk to the store manager. I'm pretty good at talking them off the ledge & hearing them out, so *most* of them are a little calmer & occasionally even apologize for biting my head off once I get their info & assure them an AVP will be in touch that same day.
Our assistant VPs are all former store managers who are super diligent about returning calls ASAP and sorting out customer complaints. I've literally heard them talk to some customers for an hour, calmly explaining exactly why we can't bend corporate policy "just this once".
Occasionally (like <1% of the time) the above steps don't work & they start threatening us with the BBB, state atty general and/or my fave, their family member who's a lawyer. At that point we just mail them a gift certificate & consider the issue closed, which is where I come in again.
It's my job to mail these, so fortunately I have a really good memory and based on how they treated me in that initial phone call, that's how much box tape gets wrapped around the envelope. Hope they have some of those Ginsu penny-cutting scissors, because that's the only way they're getting the freebie inside! | When you call to complain, don't fuck with the office assistant. She's willing to listen and wants to help. |
t3_ocwbk | legaladvice | Car - Total Loss Settlement help? | Me and my girlfriend were in, what I would call a fender bender. A car in front of us stopped short and we hit them going between 3-10 mph. The car we hit received minor damage, a few cracks in the plastic rear bumper and a minor crack on the taillight. While her car (an early 2000's hyundai elantra) received a pushed in headlight, leaking washer fluid, a little bumper damage, and the hood was a little lifted. I don't know the extent of the exact damage because the body shop that appraised it gave the insurance company the info without giving it to us and we won't find out until we talk to the adjuster. The body shop said they believed the cost would have been about $2800 but the insurance company decided it was a total loss. When she meets with the adjuster/talks to her insurance company what are some tips and sketchy activity we should watch for to ensure that she will get the MOST money from the settlement. Any and all tips/suggestions, ideas are welcome. Thank you Reddit! | What are tips/suggestions to consider when dealing with a total loss settlement so the insurance company won't screw us? |
t3_1s3ey8 | personalfinance | It seems like retiring is impossible for 90% of the population | So here's what I don't understand. I'm extremely frugal, live significantly below my means, I put $5k into my roth on Jan 1st each year, and 10% of my income (with 5% matched) goes directly into the Thrift Savings Program. I'm 30 years old, I bought my first home a little over a year ago with a 20 year mortgage and 20% downpayment, I'm paying about an extra 10% on my mortgage payment every month. I just ran a few calculators as to how much I will need to retire, and maybe it's because they were so basic, but they all told me I wasn't saving nearly enough, like I needed to sock away about another 4-5% of my income.
I have zero debt outside of my mortgage, and I've got two roommates who with their rent basically pay the full mortgage amount, and I pay all the bills (elec/water/internet/etc). Running some baseline numbers, just to survive and pay all my bills in my home and feed myself, would costs about 2k a month. This doesn't include gas (I ride a bike to work, but own a vehicle), any required home improvements, gifts, gym membership and other extra things I could lean out on if I HAD to. All the extra stuff only comes out to about $300, so the point is kind of moot, I'm not blowing money like crazy.
I come from a very poor family that can't I don't expect anything from anyones passing or any big windfalls, but looking at the 2 million figure I'd need to retire in 2050 at the ripe age of 67, why is it I'm falling short of that?
Granted, I won't need as much money once my home is paid off, and I'm on a good track to do that in about 15 years from now, freeing up a significant amount of income, but will it be too late for that to make an impact? | I feel like I'm doing everything right financially, but retirement, even 30 years away still looks impossible. What am I missing, how does anyone retire without a big windfall or something? |
t3_139pdo | AskReddit | When I was a child, my "best friend" said if my sister told my parents about a dirty he had told her, he would screw up their marriage and get them divorced. What are some stupid threats that you have received? | In retrospect, this kid was the biggest douche I've ever known in my life. As such, he knew everything about everything.
Me, my little sister, and my "best friend" were sitting around at a family friend's house and he decided he was going to educate us on lesbian sex. Being the complete moron he was, he said that just as gay men would have sex until both ejaculated, lesbians would have sex until both would produce breast milk.
Obviously my sister was disgusted by this impromptu pseudo-sex education class and said she was going to tell my parents. He then turns around and says if she does, he's going to somehow screw with my parent's marriage and they would get divorced. Essentially, he would destroy my family if we told our parents about his sex ed class.
I idolized this kid, so I kept my mouth shut. My sister was much smarter than I, so she told my parents who then had a little talk with his parents. Apparently, he got the ass-kicking of his lifetime. (Asian parents don't fuck around.)
15 years later, my parents divorced, but not because of him. | Douche kid gives me and my sister bad sex ed, threatens to get my parents divorced, his parents find out and are less than pleased. |
t3_y3jfv | relationships | Wife [almost 40] has become really conservative and "boring" over the years, I love her to death but want to have more fun. Help!? | My wife and I have been together for almost 20 years. We're both almost 40. I love her to death, but over the years she has become much more conservative and "boring" (for lack of a better word). For example, we went to a party last night and after some nudging she had a few extra drinks. I hoped this would get her to open up and let loose. Instead, she talked about kids' education and really specific medical cases regarding kids' health care (she IS a doctor, but nobody else there was).
I miss the carefree days of our young marriage. What can I do? We still have very frequent sex (4-6X per week), and love each other a lot, but she doesn't seem to have a lot of fun anymore. Even on vacation, everything is SO serious. | Wife loves me, but no longer is the fun carefree woman I married. I REALLY miss just going out and having fun, but don't know how to get that back. |
t3_4j850q | relationships | I (21F) canceled a visit to my boyfriend's (22M) house. Did I do the right thing? | My boyfriend and I have been together three years. We met in college and are about to enter our final year. We live in two different states though, which are a couple hours away by plain and a long car ride away.
My boyfriend has visited my family several times, because my city has a major airport that he flies from often. I, however, have never visited him. He always talks up his hometown and talks about how much his extended family wants to meet me. I really want to see his hometown too, especially since we spend 4 months of every year apart.
A couple months ago, we discussed me visiting him for July 4 weekend. I got my parents' permission and asked him if he could ask his parents for permission for me to stay at his house. He said they were fine with it but were worried about where I would sleep (they have a lot of kids and a small house). I told him I could sleep anywhere.
Well, it's summer now and plane ticket prices are going up, and turns out he still hasn't confirmed the date with his parents. I talked to my mom (who wasn't keen on me going anyway) and she said I should cancel because I was obviously putting pressure on them. So I told my boyfriend I'd visit some other summer, when they're more comfortable.
He seemed really disappointed with my decision (all this conversation took place over text, so I got a lot of frowny faces) and he told me he thinks it could still work. I didn't want to be a burden. At the same time, I really want to go. I just don't know why he's dragging his feet. Is there anything else I should say? If he talks to his parents, should I go or should I stay firm? | Boyfriend didn't seem to want me to visit him and his family, so I canceled. He's now upset about it and I don't really know what to do. |
t3_1usqa2 | relationship_advice | My [18 M] girlfriend [17 F] of 1 month thinks that she's awkward and I cant convince her otherwise. | So I've just started dating this girl, and she is great! we're both seniors in high school, and we've been dating a couple of weeks. I really like her, but were are both slightly awkward people, and when i say slightly i really mean slightly. sometimes we can just get nervous around one another for no apparent reason so this can make communication a little difficult sometimes (I personally blame myself for this because I've always sucked at talking to people in person, especially with people i like/care about). but whenever this happens she always blames herself, apologizing for making it awkward/being awkward, even if it's completely my fault.
how can i let her know that she's not being awkward? and how can make her more comfortable in awkward situations in general? she's really sweet and it's really hard to see her blame herself for something that isn't her fault.
we're both relatively new to dating so any other advice would greatly appreciated! | My girlfriend thinks she is awkward, how can i convince her otherwise? and how can i comfort her in actual awkward situations? |
t3_3236a0 | relationships | Girlfriend [18F] and I [19M] of 8 months just had a pretty tough talk about us and her depression. | So my girlfriend has never really been too open to me about her depression since we started dating. She came over the other day after telling me that she had to talk to me about something. In obvious distress she told me about her depression and about how it's very off and on and hasn't been an issue for a while. Until a few days ago she was doing great, until she became overwhelmed with her depression and anxiety. As I stated earlier, she never really talked to me about her depression as she said she doesn't want to burden me with her problems.
Being someone who doesn't have depression, I try my best to understand what she is going through and I like to help. With that said, if she isn't open to me about it, there isn't much I can do. She continued talking to me about her recent issue with it by telling me that she went to talk to her ex-boyfriend about it. I didn't know about this until after the fact. This guy had gone through a lot of the same problems as her and it seemed like it might help her I guess to talk about it. I know this guy from prior experience being former friends and I know he can be quite a manipulative guy. As she says, one thing led to another and in a really vulnerable state, he took advantage of the state she was in and they had sex.
She adamantly apologized and continued to say how it was a huge mistake and how it will never happen again. Being someone who doesn't know too much about depression, I didn't really understand what she was going through. I trusted her in saying that this wasn't her fault. Is this something that can happen with depression? I told her that her depression is more important than what we have and that's what should be focused on. I told her I will stay with her and support her as long as she promises to continue to try and get better and I will stay with her to help achieve that goal. I love her and I want the best for her, this was just quite a hit. Is this something that really happens and am I doing the right thing? Finding it hard to sleep just thinking about it. Thanks. | My girlfriend has had a long bout with depression and had sex with her ex-boyfriend in a vulnerable state. Feeling lost |
t3_39h1nb | relationships | Me [23F] with my boyfriends parents [M,F] constant fighting, unsure of how to handle this | Hi /r/relationships.
I've changed my age, the time we've been together, and a few other things as my boyfriend frequents this subreddit.
I've been with my current boyfriend for a year. It's been great - we communicate openly and talk about anything that we have a problem with. He lives with his family, and I live with mine.
My boyfriend has a very troubled family - they are currently going through a divorce...I think. It seems to be a slow process - I can understand that it's tiring, as I've seen some of my other friends and family go through a divorce.
The problem is that my boyfriends father isn't exactly a rolemodel dad - he seems to be a real prick, constantly pissed off, negative, and the one thing that really bothers me - screaming at his mom all the time. There are a few times I have seen him storm out of the house, or I have been there waiting for my boyfriend, and all I hear is yelling, blaming her for something that isn't her fault (he dropped a dish, blamed her even though he never asked for help with carrying it), and being generally rude to her.
She isn't perfect either - hence the divorce, but why does she need to be treated like this?
Reddit, I am not sure where I stand on this matter or what I can do. This absolutely disgusts me and the fact that my boyfriend won't stand up for her or anything is driving me up the wall. She's incredibly supportive of him and anything he does, constantly looking out for him...I don't get it. | My boyfriends father screams at his mom, says incredibly vulgar things. Completely against my morals and values. Boyfriend usually just listens to it and doesn't do anything. |
t3_3u7uia | relationships | I (20M) recently (a week ago) rejected by a friend (20F) I had a crush on, should I say anything else to her about it? | So there's a girl I met at uni who I immediately hit it off with, after just a few weeks I thought of as a really good friend and we spent a lot of our time together, then unfortunately I started to feel attracted to her, and thought it was mutual, so even though I guess it's bad to try and date friends I asked her out and she said no.
Luckily things are seemingly not awkward (at least neither of us is showing it, and I don't feel awkward) in the slightest, we've just been acting as though it didn't happen, which I'm really grateful for as I would have been very upset had I damaged our friendship. Now that I know the attraction wasn't mutual I don't really even feel into her any more (romantically), so that's nice.
So, question is, I don't like the idea that she is thinking that the way I acted towards her had some ulterior motive other than my enjoying time with her, and I want to express this to her, and also that the my actions now aren't with the intent of trying to get her to change her mind or something, because I don't feel that way about her any more, again I just like hanging around with her.
But since things are going so well, is it a good idea to say these things, or just demonstrate via my actions in continuing to be a friend? | Asked a friend out, she said no, we're still good, should I express to her that I wasn't being fake before, and am not now either. |
t3_2sc662 | relationships | Me [16 F] with my boyfriend [16 M] of 2 months, found out today that when he got drunk before we started dating that he got a girl pregnant | So my boyfriend today had suddenly texted me telling me that i should just leave him alone and possibly break up with him. Of course this worried me by how sudden and out of context it was. So i asked what was wrong and after awhile he finally told me that he had gotten drunk a month before we started dating and ended up getting a girl pregnant.
Before finding out i had said that it'd be fine and that i'd still want to date him, cuz i thought that it was something smaller like he kissed another girl or something, so of course after finding out I'm questioning whether or not i should break up with him. He's really sweet and all but it'd be so much drama. Also considering how his parents already forbid him to date at all and won't introduce me so i dont know how to deal with this. I'd feel terrible for breaking up with him when he just found this out but at the same time it stresses me out and i think that i should think of myself first.
I really like him and even though the relationship has been kinda rocky since we started dating it's still been fun when we get to be together. He also told me not to tell anyone else so i feel trapped and like i have no way to get help from others so help is much appreciated | Boyfriend found out today that he got a girl pregnant and i dont know if i should continue to date him or end it now before it becomes more stressful and dramatic. |
t3_lkog3 | AskReddit | Advice on sister experimenting with drugs. | A bit of background information: I've been a lurker now for a few months now, but a recent family issue has drawn me out of hiding.
My younger sister (2 years younger) recently had a friend over while I was downstairs studying/on reddit. Keeping in mind that our house isn't very sizeable, I was able to hear their conversation with fairly decent accuracy. What I was able to discern from their talking, was that they had both consumed some sort of drug (unsure of which kind) though, I am certain that its not marijuana (I have been down here the whole time but would have smelt/heard the process of marijuana consumption) Snippets of what I overheard are: "how will it take to kick in", have you tried something like this before", "is your brother cool with drugs". Shortly before I came downstairs to do my homework, my sister had asked me for some money (15$) to add to what looked like about 20 or so dollars in her hand (I'm hoping that the amount of money can provide some indication of what type of drug she bought). After acknowledging that I had now money to lend her, she promptly left the house for a brief period of time (presumably to make a transaction with a dealer), leaving her friend alone in her room. I myself am a recreational user of weed, and have suspected that she has has been too throughout her high school career but nothing of this level. My sister has had a history of hurting herself over relationship troubles (one incident), problems in school, to the point of family therapy, yet I still consider her to be a very sweet girl. I know this is alot to read, but I feel that I've never assumed the role "protective older brother", yet this would be a very crucial time to step in as I am very wary of drugs other than marijuana or alcohol. Any advice on how to approach this situation would be very much appreciated. For now I will simply be keeping an ear on her. | My sister is experimenting with drugs (not marijuana) and I am unsure of the appropriate way to deal with this situation. |
t3_4bhwxf | relationships | Me [25/M] and my GF [25/F] broke up after 4 years, and I realize I have very few personal goals. | I was dumped because my girlfriend was tired of pushing me forward in life. to get a raise, to go on trips, to take a course, etc. She made a lot of the decisions for me. It wasn't because I'm lazy, it was because I thought I was content with my life. I would do these things to make her happy. She chose the apartment, she chose the city, she tells me I should go for a raise, and I'd just go for it. This was not sustainable, and now that I have to make these decisions myself, I realize why it was so frustrating for her.
Now that I'm on my own, I find myself needing to make some big picture decisions. Where do I want to live? What will my budget look like? What are my personal goals? I want to use this opportunity to make myself a better person. I'm having a hard time really answering these questions and I don't know where to start. What are some resources to help me become more proactive and take control of my own life?
...and yes, I see the issue with being dumped for not being able to plan my own life, and then asking others to help plan it for me. I acknowledge this. | I'm in charge of my life for the first time in 4 years and I need to proactively make my own decisions. Where do I start? |
t3_3jeeub | legaladvice | What are the consequences of lying about the reason of a hardship visa? | Throwaway account for obvious reasons, sorry. My mother (K) married an illegal immigrant (M) 14 years ago. For awhile, M was living and working in the US off of an assumed identity and another person's SSN. K has spent a ton of money to try and get M legal and each time they have been denied. The response was that M needs to return to Mexico, wait two years, and ask for a Visa. M absolutely does not want to return to Mexico.
Last year, M's sister was granted a hardship visa, so M decided that he could get one too. K is sick and they have submitted, and been denied, a hardship as K has too much of an income to be considered dependent. Now they want to press the issue with a lawyer.
The problem is that M doesn't take care of her and everyone (neighbors, family, strangers) knows this. He does absolutely nothing for K. M illegally works and keeps all the money to himself. He doesn't pay the bills, doesn't take K to her doctor's appointments, doesn't help her around the house. Nothing. He has a girlfriend on the side that he brags about. Everything they are saying on the hardship application is a lie.
Now, while K has made her own bed, I worry about an investigation. No one in our family will testify for M in fear that they will lose their benefits or get in trouble for defrauding the government. Their neighbors know M has a girlfriend, a job, and is never home. And all someone would have to do is watch the house for a few hours to see that M is not around. K is insistent that the only one who has something to lose out of this is M and that she is legally safe.
My question is what kind of trouble can K get in? At this point, I'm afraid for her as she cannot work and is ill. If she loses her VA or SS benefits, she loses everything and M will, most likely, not support her. Thank you so much for anyone that actually reads all of this mess. | Mother is applying for a hardship visa for her illegally working husband and lying about her depending on him. Everyone knows. Can she lose her VA, SS, and other benefits? |
t3_es64y | AskReddit | Photography expedition in the jungles of Colombia Project. What do you guys think? is it a good idea? | I live in a very green country and there are many places many have never been to or the few that have been there most likely haven't thought about photographing them. I have always loved plants and have a very good knowledge of paths and places to find beautiful scenery and exotic plants, most likely many of them aren't even registered. I was thinking about starting a cross country journey to photograph write and document wild plants and landscapes. the only problem is I don't have budget to start this. I was thinking about going to kickstarter and explain my project thoroughly to see if maybe some people would like to help me get started. what people would get is complete documentation of my journey and high quality photography of the landscape with description of plants and GPS location of everything I do. the Idea is to maybe discover new plants and help get good pictures of plants that already are discovered to upload onto wikipedia, I believe it is an very ambitious project but I know some people would like the idea of getting to see new beautiful places and reading about them. so my dear redditors what do you think? does this project have a chance? if so what would you add to it would you help me to start out? give me some feedback :D please no insults. | I want to start a photography expedition to photograph and document wildlife in the jungles of Colombia South America need money to start project and want to post my project on kickstarter. What do you think? |
t3_130w6l | self | Do you have any friends that won't stop calling you or trying to spend time with you, even though you either don't have time or you don't feel like spending time with anybody? | This is happening with two friends and I've known them since elementary, as we met through our church. Since then until high-school, they call and text me everyday non-stop, proposing to hang out every weekend or any day they're free. I'm not sure how they don't have homework or anything else that might hinder their free time, but it's becoming rather irritating.
When I'm not busy, I feel the need to go and spend time with them, even though they aren't the only friends I have and I don't only like to hang out with other people. Sometimes, staying at home and relaxing is something I prefer over trying to entertain and react to these friends.
One friend, we'll call him F, had a rough childhood and ended up being adopted. We lived in the same house with their family and we would hang out. The more I spent time with him, the more irritated I became due to his clingy and obsessive behavior. Throughout the years, he hadn't changed much and even after we moved, he would not stop trying to set up times for us to hang out every day after school and every weekend. When I see him with other people, they are openly irked by his behavior and avoid him without hesitation. I tolerated him and gave him chances, which is probably why he won't give up wanting to be with me every day of every week.
My other friend, we'll call him N, is the same in terms of behavior, but he has the air of a pathological liar; he tells me stories of the time his girlfriend snuck in through second-floor bedroom window, how he serenaded another girl when he was on a field trip which resulted in her fainting in his arms, and stories of the like. Today, he called asking when he was going to come over, and left his boarding school today for that purpose. F does this as well, thinking that they can come to my home whenever they'd like.
Maybe they think we're family, maybe they don't have anybody else to hang out with, maybe I'm the only person who tolerates them. Is anybody else in the same situation? | I have two friends that call me relentlessly and have been for years wanting to hang out everyday. I don't always have time to, and they interpret this as my attempts at avoiding them. DAE go through this to? |
t3_1jvro2 | legaladvice | A contract federal investigator is coming in person to interview me about my former boss (total jerk). Am I on the hook for libel if I tell the truth? Location: East Coast, US | Several people around the lab have been interviewed in person by a contract investigator -- his business card lists him as "Office of Personnel Management". The back of his card includes the following:
"Privacy Act of 1974
The Privacy Act provides that the information we discussed, including your identity, will be written in a report of the investigation. That report will be furnished to the agency requesting the investigation, other agencies as warranted, and to the person investigated upon his or her request"
The guy they are investigating is an amoral prick. If I elaborate on his poor qualities (lying, manipulating, etc), is that considered libel? I have never talked to an investigator before. Is this standard practice for certain jobs? The guy being investigated is a scientist.
The whole investigation seems odd. He abruptly left work here to go to a huge chemical company, and has changed jobs again recently. I *think* that the investigator was hired by the large chemical company which has a reputation for being legally active. | How do I protect myself when being asked questions by an investigator? I don't want to paint a rosy picture of a terrible person but I don't want to get into any legal tangles either. |
t3_2kbqpx | tifu | TIFU by copy and pasting a Facebook link | I was in the middle of watching a a dumb prank video on YouTube from Facebook, when I joined a Skype call with my cousin. My first reaction upon seeing the video was to show him the video immediately. So, naturally, I copy and pasted the link into the Skype chat, and pressed enter without thinking. Then I saw the link. I had accidentally copy and pasted a link above of a Facebook friend's profile that we both know; and unfortunately, she had to be an attractive girl. I sent the correct YouTube link after I saw my mistake of course, but I knew right off the bat what my cousin's reaction would be. He proceeded to start making fun of me by calling me a creep, and I really didn't know how to defend myself because of how "obvious" it looked. After trying getting some words in there and him still making making fun of me, I was expecting him to just let it slide. However, he just kept on going along with it until the point where it was just not funny, and I ended up not wanting to talk to him at all. Maybe this was more of an indication of who my cousin is than of a fuck-up, but I just wanted a place to share my intense regret and embarrassment. | accidentally copy+pasted a wrong link of a hawt gurl's FB profile to my cousin on Skype, he proceeds to make me feel awkward as all hell |
t3_34ko0b | relationships | Me [20F] and BF [21M] of 3 years are considering giving each other one free pass(I technically get 2) | So me and my boyfriend, I will call him Ross have been together for 3 years, and we were both each others first. He had a hear attack about a month ago and it caused him to bring up a conversation we had had before about open relationships, basically I was reading about polymory and we had a discussion about how we felt about them, with both of us saying that we thought they made sense in theory but were unsure about how we would actually end up feeling about it, although we discussed it at length and decided on rules that we would both be comfortable with. Fast forward to today and he says that he reasised when he had his attack that he would have slightly regretted having only had sex with one person in his life, and while I understand it it did slightly hurt.
We talked about it again and I said that I did not feel comfortable opening the relationship yet as I'm not sure how I'm going to feel yet. That was when he mentioned each of us getting one, where we both are allowed to have sex with someone else, I brought up that it was slightly unfair to me since I am bi and would have to choose between having sex with another man or a woman for the first time, and he easily aquested to me technically getting two, a guy and a girl.
I logically think this is a good idea, it is something I have wondered about and I agree with polymory on the whole, I think the idea that one person can be enough forever is wrong and I do not want either of us to regret not trying this later, I'm just not sure how I feel.
If I could get any thoughts on this I would really appreciate it, thank you. | Me and my boyfriend have been talking about opening the relationship but think that each of us getting to fuck one other person is a good step. I'm iffy. |
t3_3v95bl | relationships | Friends deceased father anniversary | So I [17M] have been very good friends, and more, off and on with the most amazing girl [17F] I've met so far in my life. We have been through thick and thin for 4 years now and we are back into a slightly more than just friends relationship right now. I might add that every time we've called it off or anything like that we've never been really mad at eachother, it's always been mutual and it's just a really healthy relationship.
Her father [unknown age] passed away from a heart attack when she was 5 or 6 i believe, and tomorrow is the anniversary of his passing. Every year her family mourns together about it on december 2nd, and it's always a tough spot to get through.
I have lost grandparents before in my life, but to lose a parents at such a young age, I can't even fathom what that would be like. So every year I have shown her my sympathy with kind words, compassion and empathy but I can never really say more than I'm sorry because I honestly just can't relate. I am usually very good with situations like this but I just don't know what to tell her. I'm not looking for answer like just give her space because I know she doesn't want that, she has told me before.
I just need some advice on what to say to her when she is feeling down and grieving tomorrow and for the next few days atleast. I always feel terrible because I can't say much more than an elaborated "I'm sorry". Any advice on what I can say/do would be greatly appreciated, thank you kind reddit souls :). | my girlfriend-ish of 4-ish years lost her father at a young age. Every year on the anniversary i don't know how I can help her feel better. Advice appreciated. |
t3_1ph3p6 | relationships | My boyfriend [29 M] told me he has an asian fetish, I [22 /F] am not asian. | My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and get along great. Recently he asked me what I wanted to be for halloween and I told him that since I was strapped for cash, that my friend was going to let me borrow a kimono she owned so I could be a geisha. He then got really excited and replied that I should do that because he has always wanted to sleep with an asian. After I stared at him blankly he then told me that he has always had a thing for asians and that he dated a few before he met me, and sort of jokingly said he'd call it a fetish. I am hispanic and while I feel that comments like these would normally not affect me, I can't say that I didn't feel a little sad to hear it.
Later in the day, I think he sensed something was off about me and he told me that I was the girl he wanted to marry. I also think, his comment affected me more because a few weeks ago we had a huge fight where he got really drunk and basically told me that he didn't give a shit about me and that he didn't know why he even stayed loyal to me. He doesn't really remember saying these things to me and has apologized profusely but I'm crazy about this person and as much as I try to forgive him and move forward, I cant help but still feel hurt.
On the day we were talking about my costume, I had actually started to feel like I was making progress and like our relationship could finally go back to how it was. But once he made that comment I felt like I was back to zero. I guess it just makes me feel like I can't compete with his preference or live up to his ideal. I guess I'm also kind of sad that I'm not his preference. I also feel kind of silly, like maybe I'm over thinking things as our relationship is generally great. I guess I would just like some advice and opinions. | Boyfriend told me he has always wanted to sleep with an asian, I'm hispanic and feel like I'm not enough for him or cant compete with his standards, need advice. |
t3_tthei | AskReddit | My friend is going into kidney failure and the hospital told her to come back when she is dying, can she do anything to get help? | So my friend, 22 F, sort of started breaking down and went to a clinic. They told her she was pill seeking and sent her away.
She got worse and wound up in a hospital. She has no insurance, and medicaid turned her down twice. She was there for a few weeks. Her kidney protien something something is really high. Her kidneys are going to fail. They did not figure out why. They told he she needed 10k for a biopsy, but she is poor and unemployed now that she has been in the hospital so long.
She was discharged today, has no idea what to do. They said she is "stable" and she can't come back until her kidneys fail basically. She was really hoping not to have to go into organ failure just so they might test her to find out why. | Kidneys are failing, kicked out of hospital, told to come back when they fail or bring 10k to keep your kidneys, any options? |
t3_2vymgb | relationships | Me [26M] with my girlfriend [26F] of 6 years, now has a new boyfriend, trying to figure out if I should be angry. | So my girlfriend and I had been dating for just over six years when circumstance got in the way. She had itchy feet and wanted to do a lot of travel in a hurry, I wanted to go but it was established that some recent health issues were blocking me from any major travel any time soon. We both decided that because we don't have kids or a house or anything we could just go separate ways and see what happens.
It's been around 8 months since we broke up and my ex and I still message, skype and talk heaps, basically every day. A few months back I'd heard that she had got together with someone in her new country but didn't take it very seriously, I figure I can't start complicating an already complicated situation by trying to stand in the way. That wouldn't be fair.
Not long ago she called me and said she was thinking of coming home soon. That threw me, but to be honest I was excited, I've never had any anger towards her and since she left I've tried to be as supportive as possible. She always says that she misses me and wishes she was here.
Today I established that the guy she met is actually a serious boyfriend and that they started dating a couple months after we broke up. It hasn't taken the wind out of my sails as much as it's fucking sunken my ship. I've managed to get pretty angry about this because she didn't mention anything EVER about this guy, continued to message me the entire time and in my view suggested she was coming back to be together.
She is a great person and I hold no grudges, but that's pretty fucked up, right? I'm angry, but I can't figure out if I am being reasonable or just creating a larger issue than this needs to be. | GF and I broke up after 6 years, she had a new boyfriend within two months and didn't say anything while still keeping in daily contact. Should I be as angry as I am? |
t3_valrp | AskReddit | How do I warn a foreigner/friend about BO on his date night? | Body Oder that is.
My frend is in his late twenties and not from the US. I've known this guy for about 6 months, and I've smelled him a couple times, but mostly it's under control. However, my other friend told me this came up a few years ago. Apparently, he tried to be delicate about it, but this guy cried...
Now today is wicked hot, and he has some pretty strong BO going, the worst I've smelled from him. I'm pretty sure he's oblivious, as he is in most social situations. Now, the catch is that he has a **date tonight.** I guarantee he's not going home to shower beforehand, he'll leave straight from the lab.
How do I tell him, in the least shitty way, that he smells terrible? | My foreign friend smells terrible today and has a date tonight and he might cry when I tell him. How do I not be a dick? |
t3_46rz95 | relationships | [21 M] Sister lent Nintendo DS to friend and now her friend lost it | A long time ago I got a Nintedo DS for my birthday. My sister and I were supposed to share it.
I stopped playing it. Sort of lost it at the time, didn't care for it. I mean, I still liked it and didn't want to sell it or anything, it was just lying somewhere around the house.
So recently I wanted to play it again for good memories and my sister tells me she lent it to her friend. My sister didn't ask me for permission at all. I was naturally upset. So my sister said she would ask her friend for it back.
Then it turns out that her friend lost it. Her friend looked EVERYWHERE for it, says my sister. I was furious and I don't know what to do. I feel like her friend should pay for it. But my sister doesn't care or wants to hear any of it. She doesn't care and just tells me to move on and buy a new one. And that she will pay about 75% for it. She said that at first, but now says she won't pay diddly squat for it and doesn't care.
I'm extremely upset and don't know what to do. I thought about messaging her friend but my sister told me not to. Her friend hates my guts anyways and thinks I'm a creep.
Her friend is broke anyways, but still.
I told my sister to let her know how important it was to me, but my sister doesn't really care or wants to bug her friend about it. Saying friends don't tell friends to pay up money.
My sister says she won't pay for squat and I'm furious. | Sister "lent" friend my Nintedo DS and now her friend lost it and my sister doesn't care and her friend doesn't care either, I'm furious. |
t3_28rts8 | tifu | TIFU by swimming nude in a pool that isn't clothing optional | I've been considering posting this fuck up for a couple of weeks now, and have finally summoned the courage to do so. For a bit of context, I'm pretty shy and hardly ever step out of my comfort zone to experience new things. I told myself that this summer I would make a conscious effort to try new things, and to have a bit of fun since I don't have to study right now.
Anyways, my family and I were vacationing at a resort, and at this resort there was a very nice spa. I decided to go to the spa one day, and upon arrival I was given a tour. The staff woman shows me all of the areas; a women's area, a men's area, and a co-ed swimming pool. She tells me that clothing is optional, but doesn't clarify that it's only optional in each gender's separate areas. As in, clothing isn't optional at the co-ed pool. After my tour, I head out to the pool. Then I think to myself, "Yeah ohmally, you should try new things! You should swim naked laps in this co-ed pool! That'll be great!" I stripped down and swam several laps, receiving smiles and winks the entire time. I thought those people were just really nice. I left the spa feeling brave.
Later that day, my mom went to the spa and was given the same tour that I was given. My mom came to me that night and told me that her tour guide had stressed to her that "clothing is required in the co-ed pool" and "a young woman misunderstood our policy this morning". Sufficed to say, I don't think trying new things is for me. | I swam nude in a co-ed pool, and had to find out from my mother that I had been ass naked in a pool that required clothes. Humiliation ensued. |
t3_1ky8eq | dating_advice | 22M, having a "date" with 20F soon, planning on confessing | It's kind of a tricky situation. I've known this girl for years on and off but we only got close about 5 months ago (and that's also when I started fancying her). She and another friend of hers helped me out once a week for about 6 weeks doing mock tests for the cambridge ESOL exams so I've had to chance to meet her often and talk... we went out just the two of us a couple of times (once for dinner, once just for a simple stroll outside) and a bunch of times with the other girl friend (went to her house twice to watch movies and sleep over). In the latest "sleep over", while watching horror movies, she clinged on to me pretty hard the whole time (thing I've been told wouldn't be done to just any guy?), and afterwards we stayed up till 5 am talking about everything, even pretty personal stuff (extremely personal on her side even). We seem to be getting along pretty well when we meet in person, she confessed on feeling at ease/comfortable around me and that she's really glad we're friends...
Now, I have next to no relationship/dating experience, I'm still not able to read behind the lines, so I'm not sure if she just sees me as a very good friend or a potential partner.
The other day I sort of couldn't keep it in anymore and decided to invite her for a fancy breakfast out, saying I needed to talk to her, but of course I'm starting to wonder if I should actually confess or if I'm about to do a huge mistake. | I'm not sure if the girl sees me as a good friend or potential partner, planning on confessing to her soon, wat do |
t3_q0sdi | AskReddit | Reddit, I've consistently woken up at 4:30 almost on the dot for 5 days. Any advice? | Last week I had 4 exams in 2 days and there was about a three day stretch where I woke up at about 4:30 to continue studying. I don't like all nighters so I usually try to go to bed early and wake up early if I need to keep studying. I think it has severely thrown off my sleep schedule. And the thing about me is when I'm up I can't get back to sleep. I'm up. No use trying to sleep again. Monday, I thought to myself I could work out a bit and that would help me sleep. I did and I got to sleep about 9 pm. I still woke up at 4:30 but I was able to go back to sleep almost immediately unlike the other days. But i think me waking up so early also had something to do with me being so tired. I ended up sleeping till about 5:30. | Sleep schedule is fucked up. I think working out helps. Not sure. Once I'm up I can't get back to sleep. What do? |
t3_2oxiyo | offmychest | Redditors Downvoting Over Disagreement | I realize that there have probably been a billion or so posts about this, but even so, I want to get this off my chest.
Recently in another subreddit, I was discussing the value of a particular creation in /r/custommagic (Bit of a nerd here). While making my argument, another redditor who was very outspoken on the thread replied to one of my comments. He has been commenting all over the thread with his opinion, and now he set his sights on me, since I held a differing opinion. I suddenly find most of my comments on the thread to be downvoted, despite having been mostly well-received. I really can't see any reason for it, other than the fact that he disagreed. Really, I'm just annoyed that I can't have a debate with both sides being respected without somebody feeling as though they have to be the top dog. Well done dude, you sure showed me.
As a little addendum, this happens all over the place, and I'm really just sick of it. There are some things that deserve to be downvoted, but a calm, rational response is not one of them. Not only that, but read the reddiquette section. There is literally an entire area for this:
> ***In regard to voting [don't:]***
* **Downvote an otherwise acceptable post because you don't personally like it**. Think before you downvote and take a moment to ensure you're downvoting someone because they are not contributing to the community dialogue or discussion. If you simply take a moment to stop, think and examine your reasons for downvoting, rather than doing so out of an emotional reaction, you will ensure that your downvotes are given for good reasons.
* **Mass downvote someone else's posts**. If it really is the content you have a problem with (as opposed to the person), by all means vote it down when you come upon it. But don't go out of your way to seek out an enemy's posts. | Version: I stated my opinion on something, I got downvoted for disagreeing with someone else. It bothers me. Enough said. |
t3_8yb1v | AskReddit | Dear Reddit, I'm tired of living in fear/under the control of my parents. | This probably isn't really an ask, but I really do need to vent somewhere. At the age of twenty, I am living under my parents' roof for the summer. It's not unreasonable in my opinion because I can't afford an apartment, and they expect me to live with them until I get a job. My mom says she wants me to find one within an hour or two. This is *not fucking going to happen*. We live in buttfuck nowhere, and I don't want to be stuck like they are. I hate being stuck. At school, I'm not stuck. I can do what I want, when I want. They don't care because I'm at school. The second I come home it is like I'm living in a prison. It negatively affects my relationships with my friends and boyfriend and most other people. I become surly and unhappy and depressed. I rarely get to see my boyfriend when I'm home and we go to college in different states. The 10:00 curfew and the constant drilling about where I'm going to be, for how long, and with whom is getting really old. I've been a pretty damn good kid for almost my entire life. There were rough spots when I was 15, but that is an age at which I estimate about 90% of people go crazy for a while. And that time is over. They can't raise me anymore or teach me anything or give me more morals. That stage in my life has passed. In terms of developing who I am and what I will be, they have little to no more say as far as I am concerned. Any attempts to assert myself and stay out for a night are met with "Where are you? I'll be there in 20 minutes." I like my parents so much better from 4 1/2 hours away. I think our relationship is healthier that way.
I guess, | Dear reddit, help me grow a pair. I would like to know how you think independence should be asserted by a "child". |
t3_25daej | relationships | Does she [23/F] still want anything to do with me [22/M]? | *throwaway to protect the identities of those involved*
So a while ago I met a girl via Okcupid. After exchanging some messages we agreed to meet in person. So far so good, the date went well and we spent a good couple of hours hanging out with each other. Long enough for me to realize that I liked this girl.
So the next couple of days we texted a bunch and I think after about week and a half I asked her out to dinner. This is where things get complicated. She had gotten out of a pretty serious relationship not too long ago and from what I gathered the break-up wasn't good. So she wasn't really sure if she was ready to date yet.
The problem was that she felt I was coming on too strong. Which, admittedly, I probably was. After about a week of silence she decided she wasn't ready ("I really like you, but I can't do this right now") and as far as I was concerned that was it.
About a month later she texted out of the blue asking how I was etc. There might have been some alcohol involved. We texted a bit that night and the next day I tried to re initiate the contact but she said just wanted to have a chat. Which was fine and we didn't go any further.
Fast forward a couple months. I have since moved to another city not too far away. Last weekend when visiting my parents I saw she had been online recently on Okcupid. So I texted her asking how she was, exchanged a few messages before she had to leave (it was Saturday).
Now I still like this girl and would like to get back to chatting a bit and maybe eventually try another date. My question is whether I should give it another shot, or have I missed my chance? A detail that might be relevant, she is quite private/introverted. | Go on date with girl from Okcupid, come on too strong, girl decides she isn't ready. See her on Okcupid again after a while, should I go for it? |
t3_41dlj6 | relationships | im a 22 year old male who was with my 21 female girlfriend for 3 years and four months | As I said we have been together for 3 years and four months and recently we broke up. We broke up because at her work she met a guy who she hung out with after work behind my back, what she told me is they ended up kissing and cuddling. BUT she came back to me the same night crying, and saying she was sorry, because she knows what she did was wrong.
I suppose my question is although I would take her back in a heart beat. Shes now at a point that shes confused and isnt sure if she loves this guy or wants to still be with me. I dont know myself if im okay with letting her trying to be with a guy who shes known for maybe a few months and hung out with ONCE (after work) and then take her back?
I need some serious advice please
shes the love of my life, and the best friend of mine, I wouldnt ever wanna lose her. | 3 years 4 month relationship might end because shes sorting out feeling she may have for another guy, would I be a dumb for letting her sort them out and taking her back? |
t3_2oayiz | relationships | 29F trying to get over work affair with 54M | 3 years ago, I was 26 and noticed a really attractive man at my workplace. We never talked. Randomly saw him at a bar one night. We started chatting. He did not wear a wedding band. He was 51. We made out. He told me he was going through a divorce. Has 2 adult children (one is special needs which kept the marriage "together"). He WAS "going through a divorce" but they put that on hold because she didn't have a job .. blah blah etc.
He and his wife had not had a sexual relationship in 5+ years, both knew each other saw people on the DL, but stayed together for the special needs adult. I was his first "affair" - as opposed to the flings. The first year was exciting and great. Passionate, love filled, ideas of grandeur. He loved/loves me, but we ended up fighting ALL THE TIME. He couldn't go out in public with me or be a REAL partner while he was still married. I wanted more attention - this drove him further away. Plus - we ended up in the same department which made things infinitely harder. We would both lose our jobs if anyone found out.
Basically - we broke up and made up a hundred times in the past 2 years (only year 1 was "good"). This last year - and working with him has been awful. We went No Contact about a month ago - and it's killing me. It feels like it gets worse as the days go on. What happened to "time heals"?!?!
I'm okay if I can manage to avoid him throughout the day. But as soon as I hear him laugh or LOOK happy - I want to crawl in a hole and cry. I keep my shit together, but honestly - this is really starting to wear on me. I try to hum songs or talk to myself when he's around so I can't hear him (unfortunately headphones aren't an option). | I had a highly secretive affair with a coworker - NO ONE knows. Being around him and hearing him joke around or laugh makes me literally tear up and almost cry. How do I ignore/get past this? |
t3_26aqx6 | relationship_advice | How do I [F20] avoid being intimidated by my boyfriend's [m21] wealth? | My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. We are generally very happy. However, sometimes there is friction over money which he may not realize. I am solidly middle class, he is upper class. We usually pay for things equally or "you get this one, I'll get the next one" when we go out to dinner. It's works pretty well.
However, sometimes the difference between how we treat money makes itself apparent. It is embarrassing for me. For example, he is graduating from college this weekend and as a gift, I gave him a blanket with his favorite baseball team on it. He never has enough blankets in his room, so I thought it would be useful for when we spend nights together. However, he kind of laughed and said "Sneakychoop, you've seen my house. This won't fit in." He meant that his parents' house (where he is moving until his job starts) is too well decorated and upscale so he wouldn't be able to keep the blanket on his bed.
Am I wrong to feel embarrassed? How do I avoid doing things like this in the future when I have to see his family or be in his house? | My boyfriend is wealthier than I am. Gave him a blanket that was "low-class" so he cannot use it. I am embarrassed. |
t3_1j5wly | relationship_advice | [29/m] I have a friend that's a girl (23/F) and our relationship is confusing. Help! | So we have been seeing each other for a couple months with a handful of sex sessions/sleep sessions. I let her know how I feel about her and she was not at the same level as me. She plays distant a lot of the time and then pulls me in. I enjoy her company and don't want to look needy/clingy about hanging out, but it's hard for me when I may see her once a week. She parties on the weekends and I usually don't see her at all. Our sex sessions/cuddling are amazing and she gives all the signs that she is totally into me. I feel like she may be fcking other people on the side though. What do reddit? | We haven't defined our relationship and it's driving me nuts. Should I be very direct with her about seeing other people..where we stand or just continue what we are doing and hope for the best? |
t3_2da9t8 | relationships | Me [21 M] with my GF [20 F] 4 months, break up because of her EX? | So i've been dating my girlfriend for 4 month, and 3 months of that I have been miles away for a summer internship. She is really awesome, but there is one HUGE problem. She has become best friends with her ex while I've been away. They work together and are in the same social circle so I was okay with them being decent friends when I left as long as she updated me if they ever were hanging out. Halfway through the summer 3 of her best friends graduated and left, now her ex is her best friend because she is practically alone. Her dog also died while I was gone and he was there for her. He broke up with him a year ago and they have been on and off up until 5 months ago when she finally ended it but wanted to remain friends. I've told her how good of friends they are becoming has made me uncomfortable, and she has told me she is trying to make both of us happy and that she won't just cut him off because he's been there for her through a lot. She is very honest about anytime they hangout and I am POSITIVE she is not interested in him anymore but I feel very disrespected. I don't want to get anymore serious with her while he is so close to her. I'm almost considering breaking up over it because of how much it bothers me. Is it a stupid reason to break up? What should I do?
Very confident she doesn't want to be with him, he's been wanting her back forever and is super needy about it. But she considers him one of her best friends. | Girlfriend has become best friends with her ex because her best friends just graduated and im gone for a summer internship. It bothers me a ton and she won't distance herself from him because he's been there for her. |
t3_2penwe | relationships | My friend (M24) is after announcing that he has begun dating a girl he met on Tinder 3 weeks ago. They have met face to face 4 times. Is this normal? | Ok I say 'is this normal' but really I want another opinion on this. He has told a select few friends about her and according to him, I am the only person that knows they met on Tinder - he has told everyone else she is an old friend from college who he re-connected with on Tinder.
I think this is weird and too fast. He had a serious long term relationship before but that got rough towards the end and know she is seeing someone else. They had bought Christmas presents for each other before they started dating. He's either completely in love with her or else just looking at a way of getting back at his ex. Either way it's nothing to do with sex as apparently she has ruled that out for the first few months.
What would you do if this was you friend? Would you let him do his own thing or tell him he's rushing into this way too fast and one of them are definitely gonna get seriously hurt from this. | friend has started dating a girl he met on Tinder after only 2/3 weeks. Is this healthy? What would you say if this was your friend? |
t3_2moxqo | tifu | TIFU by telling jokes at work | So I was at work, and my boss and I are exchanging jokes as we often do. Also present was one of my coworkers, an older lady who's been with the company forever. The jokes start getting a little dirty/dark, and eventually my boss and I are trying to one-up each others best dead baby jokes. All of a sudden the older lady, who had previously been laughing along, got really quiet and then walked away. We didn't know what was going on, and then we both suddenly remembered that this woman lost one of her infant grandchildren in a horrible accident years ago, and we've spent the last fifteen minutes bringing back awful memories for her. | Boss and I told a bunch of terrible dead baby jokes in front of woman whose infant grandchild died in a tragic accident. |
t3_4vr4jo | relationships | My [18 F] boyfriend [23 M] has been making me worry a lot and I want him to get help | Hi there, this is my first post. My [18 F] boyfriend [23 M] and I have been together for a year and a half, and he makes me happier than I've ever been. He has made it very clear to me that he is committed and that I make him happy as well, but he does and says some things that really worry me.
Occasionally he has these episodes of extreme distress about his life; he talks a lot about being lonely and not having friends, or that his friends don't care about him. He recently cut off one of his best friends for treating him shitty, and had another close friend cut him off for a mistake he made (sleeping through an important event he was supposed to pick her up for). Most of his other friends live in different countries so it's hard to communicate with them.
He tends to sleep well into the day and procrastinate, which has forced him to drop all his classes for the last 2 quarters. This is also a huge source of stress for him, but I feel like the other problems in his life are what's leading him to underperform, because I know he is very smart. He loves his major but has had serious motivation issues lately.
What makes me the saddest is that he always complains about having nightmares about his friends and school, almost every single night, and he says he has chronic back pain that never goes away. He freaks out that he's going to become a failure and then I won't love him anymore :( I really feel like he should talk to a counselor and try to figure out whats going on, and he always says he knows i'm right, but it never happens... I'm starting to get really worried and stressed out trying to help him and I don't know what to do. How can I help my boyfriend? | Boyfriend has been saying worrisome things that make me think he has depression or anxiety, but refuses to get help for it. How can I help? |
t3_2g2tje | tifu | TIFU by sneezing and not covering it while making brownies. | A little back story: A few months ago I got elbowed in the face during a game of soccer and shipped my two upper front teeth. I had to get caps put on them and one of them has been loose for the past few days. I was supposed to go to the dentist in 3 days to get them fixed so I just ignored it.
As to my TIFU, tonight I was making brownies for my nieces and nephews while I was baby sitting them and sneezed and did not cover my mouth. I did not know this at the time but the cap that was loose flew out into the mix. Fast forward 90minutes of me panicking and looking for the cap, the brownies are good and cooled off so I serve them to kids and about 30 seconds later I hear a faint crunch and my 12 year old niece starts screaming Hysterically and yelling that her tooth hurts, she spits into a napkin and I find MY missing cap and a pretty good piece of her tooth. Her mom (my sister) took her to the dentist the first thing in the morning and we find out that er tooth was one of her "adult" teeth so pulling it was not an option so now my 12 year old niece need a cap on her tooth because of my cap.
Moral of the story; cover your mouth or at least turn away if you sneeze/cough while cooking anything. | I sneezed into some brownie mix, lost a cap on my tooth, and my 12 year old niece found it the hard way. |
t3_42p5ke | dating_advice | I am interested in her, but I don't know how to tell her. | There's a German exchange student at my school who I've only recently begun to notice and get interested in. I knew of her before, have talked with her before, etc., but for some reason only now am I starting to think about her. The problem is, it's the end of the first semester, and since I wasn't interested before I never made any efforts to really talk with her, spend time with her, get to know her at all. Now that the school year is half done, she's established her own circle of friends. I feel like it's too late for me now, and I wish so much that I'd been interested sooner, so that I could have gotten to know her back when she needed friends. Now I would feel so intrusive trying to butt at this point. She probably doesn't even know my name, to be honest. That's how little we have interacted.
All the same, for the past few days I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm madly in love (and I was always the one to laugh at other teenagers that used the word "love"), but there's something there. Is this lovesickness lite?
I'm not sure if I should proceed at this point. So much time has been wasted. I've been feeling kind of depressed thinking about it. Honestly, I wouldn't even know how to proceed if I decided to. Please help me! | Exchange student already has circle of friends, I feel like it's too late to get to know her, I don't know whether I should go for it and how I should proceed if I am to. |
t3_20il6i | relationships | Me [34 M] with my wife [33 F] of 5 years, have grown apart and have a son [1.5 years] | We got married mostly because of a visa restriction, my wife(girlfriend at the time) was going to have to go back to her home country. We decided to get married so she could stay, we did love each other, need and want each other so it didn't seem that crazy at the time.
A few years down the track, she gets permanent residency and immediately falls pregnant (after stopping her contraception pill - unsure if it was her plan). Its all a shock but I go with it - rather blindly.
I work hard full time supporting my wife and son, she has been a stay at home mum for over 18 months. I have woken up to the fact that my life seems set in stone and not what I had planned. I don't feel attracted to my wife anymore, I am attracted to a lot of women I meet but never act on those feelings. I feel like I have changed dramatically since getting married and if I were to do it all again I would marry a woman who would be quite the opposite personality to my wife. That sounds horrible I know. I have fallen out of love.
I shudder at the thought of separating our lives and losing contact with my son and some other guy ending up fathering him, the reality of 18 years of child support doesn't really scare me since I have two dependents now.
The age old, should I stay for the child or go face the consequences of not seeing my son everyday? I would like to hear advice from people in similar situations or if you had parents in similar situations. Its tough and complex but any advice that would help me think a little more clearly would be greatly appreciated. | Fallen out of love with wife, have a young son. I don't know what is the right thing to do. |
t3_ws1wc | travel | Looking to Vagabond. | Hello all,
I've been reading the book *Vagabonding* by Rolf Potts and has been giving me inspiration to go out into the world and experience it. If anyone has done any sort of extended traveling, what tips and tricks could you give to me? Where should I travel to? What things should I seek out? Right now this is sort of a fanciful idea that I have been playing with around in my head. I would love nothing more to travel and have begun to understand the sacrifices involved in doing so. However, thinking you're prepared and actually being prepared are two different things. I would appreciate any help given and I realize that someone's own experience will differ very much from my own. I am just looking for rough ideas at the moment. | I want to vagabond. Any helpful tips on what to do and where to go would be much appreciated. |
t3_1x249e | relationships | My (M21) gf (F17) of 2.5 years broke up with me last week now I don't know what to do. I'm looking for advice. | So 2 weeks ago my gf decided me and her needed to take a "break". I have her her space. Well after a week she txted me and broke up with me. She said she wasn't happy with me anymore. Her reasons for not being happy with me was because I wasn't manly enough and I was to gushy. She also thought I was cheating on her because she had been having dreams about me cheating (even though everytime I was with her she went through my phone my fb twitter everything). The final reason she broke up with me is because she said she was never satisfied in bed. (Yes her parents knew yes they were ok with it). But she told me she was never satisfied from our sex. But she would never tell me what she liked she was not verbal at all during sex. So how am I supposed to know want to do. Especially since she was my first.
She told me I would be happier with someone else. She told me she still loved me and wanted to be with me if I was different.
So now I'm just sitting here wondering what to do next. I need help. I mean I loved that girl and I want to be with her. Do I wait a while and see if she comes back? Do I try to move on into another relationship? I just need some advice. One thing I would like to do however is find a fwb not really to just have sex but so I can learn what to do. My ex told me I was good at what I did but I just never was able to satisfy her.
Any help or advice would be greatly welcomed. Thanks reddit I look forward to your answers. | gf broke up with me. Said I never satisfied her in bed. Looking for advice about what to do now and how to get better at sex. |
t3_1sn7xu | relationships | My [23F] boyfriend [24M] might have to move in with me due to financial difficulties, how can I make sure this goes smoothly? | When my boyfriend [24M] and I [23F] first got together 3 years ago, we dated for a year and a half. We took a year-long break and have been back together for the past 3 months and it's better than I ever could have imagined. We see each other nearly every day and spend the night at each other's place most nights. We communicate openly about issues and truly love each other dearly. We first broke up because we weren't able to put the time into the relationship to make it work.
He will be attending school near my apartment starting January, and just found out that his current roommate will be moving out of their apartment in February. He can't afford the rent for a place on his own and his parents live too far from school for him to live there. So I told him he'd be welcome to stay at my place if he had no other option, and while he does not want to mooch off of me it's the most convenient solution.
I was just wondering if anyone had any tips or advice on how we can make this situation easier for the both of us? I live in a one-bedroom so there is some extra space, but obviously it will take some rearranging for all of our stuff to fit together. He also wants to contribute financially but knowing that he is having difficulty with finances I want to figure out an arrangement that seems fair (he can do the dishes, I abhor doing the dishes).
Any advice in general would be much appreciated. This is not exactly a situation where we have mutually decided that we would be living into a new place that would be ours both, and I know he is uncomfortable with the idea of me supporting him too much. How can we make this work out? | BF is most likely going to need to live with me in my current apartment for an extended period of time. How can we make sure this goes smoothly and does not blow up in our face? |
t3_rflog | AskReddit | Reddit, I'm home from college and I found out my sister has a crazy stalker that was knocking on her window yelling at her for the past hour. Can I get some advice? | He just left about half an hour ago.
A little background:
I go to college away from home and came home for the week (spring break). I have a small family that consists of my older sister, mom, dad and I. Apparently my sister was talking to this guy for a few months and everything was fine. Then the guy started getting anxiety attacks (to the point where he was hospitalized once) and now is a completely different person.
My sister says she wants nothing to do with him, but he won't leave her alone. It's gotten to the point where he was knocking on her window for the past hour trying to get her to come outside and talk to him.
About an hour ago she woke me up, telling me that this guy would not leave and she was scared. I told her to call the police. She said she does not want to get them involved because the guy is her co-worker and she does not want to frighten my parents. The guy was knocking on her window as she was explaining this to me. My sister had to hold me back from going outside myself and telling him to leave.
She went back and started telling him to go away, but he still continued to refuse unless she went outside to talk to him. My sister has work very early in the morning and she cannot stay up long.
Reddit, what should I do? I understand why she wouldn't want the police involved, but I can tell she is very scared and tired of this person. She is the type of person that doesn't want to worry other people. I told her she didn't have to be alone and that I was with her. This whole time our parents are in their room without the slightest idea of what's going on with their children outside. Nothing like this has ever happened to us before. | There's a guy that won't leave my sister alone to the point where he is knocking outside our window in the middle of the night, and my sister doesn't know what to do. |
t3_3cwgni | relationships | After six months of being broken up, my girlfriend [26 F] still keeps in touch with her ex. I [25 M] have been dating her for the past five. | He moved back to Australia so they can't meet up, but he still texts her pretty platonic stuff every now and then, to which she responds. A month ago she even told me they were going to skype, they did, and he was really sad that she had moved on. I made it really clear how I felt about that skype session and she still talked to him anyways.
They were together for around eight months and even lived together. I currently see her around four or five days out of he week, and things have been going perfectly smooth. We're even traveling together next month. She's made it very clear that she has no feelings for him but is still unable to quit talking to him. We're aware that he still has feelings for her, and while I feel that not only is this baggage from the past still laying around and making me uncomfortable, but that she's also doing this poor bastard a disservice by egging him on and still being there. She's too nice of a person and thinks it's rude to just cut all contact. I'm not necessarily upset about this, it's just really discomforting. Not sure if it's controlling if I give some sort of ultimatum or I should just be spineless and not speak my mind. How should I feel about this? What would you do? | Things are going swell at the moment but my girlfriend still keeps in touch with her ex of not that long ago and it bothers me. |
t3_3qihdk | relationships | My [19/f] friend [19/f] wants to adopt one of the puppies my dog just had, and I don't want her to for many reasons.. | So as the title says, my friend wants to adopt one of the puppies and I don't know how to tell her I don't want her to have one. We were best friends for 6 years, used to be super close, then some drama happened and we've definitely grown apart. Now she's just a bitch to me. She points out my flaws all the time in order to boost her own low self esteem. She's one of those girls that posts good things about her relationship on facebook so everyone thinks she's so sweet and perfect when in real life they have so many problems.
The main reason I don't want to give her a puppy is because she's so irresponsible and compulsive. She adopted a cat that was shy from being abused, then turned around and gave her away a month later because she wasn't "how she wanted her to be". Then she adopted a kitten at 5 weeks old, wayyyy too young to be away from its mother. Now it's being a rambunctious kitten and she's starting to get irritated with it, so it's probably not long until it's gone too. I don't want her to adopt my dog and decide she can't handle the responsibility and give it up.
Also, she lives at an apartment with her boyfriend and my boyfriend so I don't know how to say any of this without hurting her feelings and damaging out relationship since I'll have to continue to be around her to see my boyfriend. They have to pay $300 per pet as a deposit and an extra $25 per pet has to be paid each month to keep the animal, so since she doesn't want to do that the people that own the apartments have no idea she has animals, and if they find out they'll have to get rid of them anyway. She also owes me money and I have yet to see any of it.
What do I do? | Ex best friend is irresponsible and wants to adopt a puppy from me, so how do I say no without damaging the relationship further? She also owes me money. |
t3_27oi54 | relationships | Me [24 M] with girlfriend of 4 years who "loves" me but isn't in love [24 F]. Living together, she wants to end it. I'm a wreck. | Moved to new city with GF about 4 years ago, madly in love with her - thought she felt the same.
Plans changed after moving, school/scholarships - last year she told me she wanted to break up. We said give it a month, turned into a year.
She wants to break up again, thinks it's over, isn't in love with me. Says I deserve better, someone who can love me the same way I love her.
I'm completely devastated. She's removed herself emotionally and is giving me the cold shoulder all the time - I feel lost, alone, abandoned, and I miss my best friend.
I don't think there isn't much I can do, I don't even know why I'm posting really - I just had to get this out. | I miss my best friend, I love her with my whole being - it isn't recuperated - she's shut me out emotionally/mentally/physically. |
t3_3vtw5o | relationships | I (19f) have an issue with my BF (21m). I feel like I'm being taken for a ride? | So my BF and I started dating my freshman year (his sophomore year) and we go to the same college. We see each other as much as possible, he's in premed and I'm in communication/ advertising. Obviously his course load is more intense than mine. We know each other's friends and have a great time hanging out. He's super affectionate and sweet when we are together. First issue: when we get into a disagreement or he's angry, he blows up and says mean things. I've talked to him and he says it's just how he handles it. But the bigger issue is that he's always been a social media guy, even when we were friend and not dating. Now and since the beginning of the relationship, he refuses to have any sort of relationship stuff on his social media, no pictures together, very little status updates or whatever. And when I do tag him in a photo whether it's just us or a group of us - like at last weeks ugly sweater party- hell untag or hide it right away both on Instagram and Facebook. What is going on? He swears he just wants to keep it personal but like after being together and official for more than a year, it feels like in being hidden. My friends noticed and that made it worse because they've been asking if we are okay. What gives?! | me (19) and BF (21) been together over a year. Friend before dating. He removes all traces of me or our realitionship from social media. Don't know why. |
t3_39jbow | tifu | TIFU by smelling fire | Long time lurker but first time poster. So this actually happened about 3 weeks ago but I just decided to post it now because the problem actually got worse.
It was about 2 in the afternoon and I was happily playing my brothers' game cube for nostalgic reasons more than anything when my mom asks me if I had seen her mobi wrap. For those of you who don't know, a mobi wrap is a long cloth used to hold a baby to your chest so you can still use your hands. I say no and then get up to help her look. She suggests it may be in the office so I go look in there.
Now the office is full of random stuff and boxes of junk, mostly from my grandparents house. After about 15 minutes of looking I can't find it and get distracted. I find this lighter and being the dumb teenager I am, I decided to play with it. After flipping it on and off several time I noticed it smells weird, like kinda smoky but with a different smell mixed in. This is where the fuck up happens. I immediately, with no regards to common sense, turn it on and quite literally snort the fire. It shoots straight up my nose and burns off all the hairs in my right nostril. I drop the lighter and fall to the ground holding my nose. After five minutes of pain I get up and make my way back to the main part of the house.
When I get in the living room my mom asks if I found the wrap and I say no. Problem solved right? Wrong. For the rest of the day I smell nothing but smoke and any movement feels like I left the lighter in there. Fast forward to now and I have nose hair stubble. This causes my nose to constantly itch and makes me scrunch my nose up all the time. Don't play with fire kids. | went in the office to find a baby blanket, ended up playing with and snorting fire and burning my nose hairs off. I now have nose stubble. |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.