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t3_2iwwu4 | relationships | How do you politely hint to a coworker that she talks about herself too much and leaves no opportunity to respond? | [M, 22] I've got a fairly busy job. I'm in love with it, but I do enjoy the breather I take from lunch. I've been great friends with a coworker [F, 23] that I've spent lunch in the office with, and she has recently gotten a new job and been replaced by this new person [F, 24].
She takes the same seat for lunch, and will talk the entire hour about herself, her professional experience, gossip... She will explain a documentary that she just saw to me, after I have told her I have seen the documentary, if that helps explain the type. I don't have the opportunity to take more than one minute away from her 60 minutes of back-and-forth-less "conversation."
In groups of people, she's extremely quiet, to the point of awkwardness. Alone, I want to bang my head on the table and see if she even notices. I have left the room in the past to return to her having not skipped a beat.
I travel outside of lunch time, but we do often end up working closely in the office. Contractually, we will be in this situation for a year. I would love to make a friend out of her instead of learning to tune her out, but I don't know how I can let her know to cut this out.
--I should mention, in the time gap my old friendly coworker and this new one have worked at the same time, my friend has told me the new one has not talked nearly as much when she was alone with her. | How do I get a coworker to be aware of her self-centered chattiness politely before I develop multiple ulcers and leave behind a 7/10 corpse |
t3_53mn0k | relationships | My (19M) girlfriend (21F) just cheated on me... And I'm not sure what to do. | Ugh, so my girlfriend texts me at about 11 PM tonight saying "please break up with me I'm a massive bitch and I don't deserve you". She then tells me she cheated on me, and I get angry.
I go pick her up at her apartment and I just start getting mad at her, questioning why she would do this to me. She basically just says she has no self control and can't say no to anybody, and she's been like this since high school. I get upset when she starts begging me to stay with her and drop her off and tell her not to talk to me anymore.
5 minutes later I call her and ask if I can pick her up again and we can talk, I have some very serious feelings for her and I want to be with her. After I pick her up for the second time I hold her hand and we talk about it.
I think I still love her and want to be with her, but I didn't even cry when she told me about her cheating... Am I just afraid to be alone? | not sure if I should break up with the girl I love... Not sure if I just love the idea of a relationship. |
t3_35izj7 | relationships | Is it common for me [18/M] to feel a little up myself when I see that my ex [20/F] has gained a fair amount of weight since last year? | I stumbled across a picture of my ex while just having a general browse around my usual sites and I see that's she's gained quite a few pounds.
This might have alarmed me a while ago when I still cared about her but ever since I just stopped talking to her by not responding to her last text/removing all contact details. But now I was just 'Well. That's new.'
I found it kind of funny because I was the one gaining weight (now I'm obsessed with losing it) - all her friends seemed a lot skinnier than her too. If I was her I'd feel a little shitty.
Think I should shoot her a message about it, maybe just throw some workout and diet guides or nah? Don't think she cares to be honest. She might be happy for all I know. Plus I haven't spoken to her in a while. | Ex has gained weight since the last year. Considering helping out but it might be a little lame you know. We aint spoken in years. |
t3_16toe1 | Advice | Not enough work to do at part time job | I was hired by my internship to work part time after I graduated college (previously was an unpaid internship). Pretty much I worked 4 hours a day doing the tasks I'd previously been doing as an intern, but since I was getting the hang of things it would take less time to do these and eventually I had a whole hour free. I asked my boss if there was anything else I could be doing with my time, and he got really excited for a while about this new project he wanted me to work on. He told me that if I wanted, I could come in for extra hours just to work on this project so I wouldn't feel pressured to do it during my normal work hours. I bumped up my hours to 6 a day and for a while my boss really liked the idea about this new project. Recently he has stopped giving me updates and things to work on for this new project, and even when I show him progress on things he asked for, he wont get back to me for a few days with something new to work on. Basically I am right where I started and have EVEN MORE free time at work than before. I feel guilty getting paid to basically just sit here, but since taking on the extra hours I've quit my other part time job (it was awful, this one pays more anyway, and I've budgeted to be able to work just one) and now I would hate to go back down to 4 hours and potentially have to get another job again. My boss lately has been more "we'll see where this goes" instead of giving me anything to work on, and I am having trouble making things up for me to work on when in the past everything I have done for this project has gone nowhere, and I am the only one working on it (very small office). What should I do? | My boss has stopped giving me enough work to fill my time, but I don't want to cut hours because I need the money |
t3_1rvdgd | relationships | Me [25 F] with my BF [25 M] of five years. Does "come over" count as making an effort? | Recently, my boyfriend of five years and I got in a major fight. I feel he no longer makes an effort towards me. I sleep over his house a lot, but that's about it. We don't really go out, and I don't think it's really that much effort for him to just lie in bed while I commute (a 45 min commute for me) to where he is.
So, he's been trying to make an effort he says. I'm exhausted and working on grad school apps. So in his attempt to "make an effort" he was like "Why don't you come over and I'll make dinner? I want to see you!"
How can I approach this with him? I am tired of "coming over". Yes, that is fine for even say, 75% of the time, but I don't think it counts as effort if he gets to just sit in his home while I have to travel to see him. As usual.
I don't want to discount what he thinks is making a gesture, but I also am really tired of always having to come to him. He made a half hearted suggestion of coming to me last night, but then when I texted him when I got home, he never mentioned coming over again. | My boyfriend's idea of making an effort to see each other is to invite me over to his house... every time. I don't know how to communicate to him that I wish it were more even. |
t3_3rflzr | tifu | TIFU by texting my mom back around 24 hours after she texted me. | Yesterday my mom sent me an embarrassing old set of pictures of me as a child at the orthodontist, which for whatever reason involved me being completely straight faced in one picture and smiling in the next (overbite or crossbite, idk my teeth were jacked pre-braces). I laughed thinking the straight faced one looked like a mug shot of 8 year old me. Anyway like a good son I promptly forgot to text her back. Fast forward to the next day (today) and I was replying to some texts between bursts of getting work done, including saying to my mom "Oh lord, looks like I got arrested." I then put my phone on silent, pocketed it, and got back to work. A while later I checked my phone and saw I had a text and several missed calls from my mom and dad. Turns out my mom thought I was actually arrested since I offered zero context for my extremely belated response, and my mom had called my dad in a panic telling him I'd been arrested. Fortunately I called her and assured her I was not in handcuffs and/or a jail cell, and I was referring to the pictures she had sent me the day before. We had a good laugh and I apologized for continuing to be awful about texting. Whoops. | mom sent me old pic of me as a child that looked like a mug shot, full day later responded "looks like I got arrested." put phone on silent, mom freaked out thinking I got arrested. |
t3_qs2yp | AskReddit | One of my female friends was sexually assaulted, but does not want to get help, what should I do? | Ok, so I'll try and make this as short as possible.
Three days ago, my close friend went to visit a guy that she's know for a long time. So, according to her, they ended up kissing and she didn't feel like going any farther than that. However, he grabbed her and tried to force her to have sex with him, and when that didn't work, to blow him. She resisted, and he told her to feel his dick, and that he would let her leave after that. That being the only option (he could easily overpower her and prevent her from leaving) she did so and went home crying. She called me shortly after that and told me what had happened, and that the guy had texted her and told her that they should hang out again. She has only told me and two of her other close friends, but they haven't done anything about it. She says that she doesn't want to tell anybody because she's afraid of what will happen, even though I've told her multiple times to call the police, or at least tell her family. I think I should tell somebody, but I don't want to go against her wishes, or make her angry.
I'm kind of torn, what should I do, Reddit? | Female friend was almost raped, hasn't told any authority figures, and doesn't want me to, and I'm not sure what I should do. |
t3_13r4f9 | AskReddit | I need help talking to girls | Ok so reddit to begin this is a trow away account and i just need help. To begin I'm 15 and have never had any luck with girls. This problem probably stems from both me not wanting to be rejected if i tried to initiate conversation or more with , and not knowing what to say when i finally get the chance to converse with a girl. I can't say that i don't talk to any girls because since the summer i've been conversing with a girl i met over the internet that recently moved from an area near me. She's shown hints of maybe liking me or at least being interested with things like she thinks i'm cute in a way, and that she would date me. But when she says these things she say don't take them the wrong way so i just blow them off. We've become friends but i kinda like her and not only her looks but personality also. So reddit i need help finding out how to talk to girls and general and getting further with a girl that i know. | Need help engaging in conversation with girls. Likes a girl but doesn't know how to find out exactly if she likes me to or is just being nice and telling me she would date me. |
t3_23icbp | offmychest | I'm devesatated and completely unable to understand how my project didn't make it into the semifinals of the Knight Foundation News Challenge | The News Challenge is a great opportunity to get funding for great projects. This year there is 2.76 million available to be shared by the winners (6 winners in 2012, 8 winners in 2013).
We applied in 2012 and made it into the semifinal. We were top 52 our of over 1000 applications. At that time we were 1 month old and I hadn't really spent much time on the application. The theme was also 'Data' - which we don't really deal with.
We didn't make it past the semifinals in 2012, but that was a huge success for us at that early stage. 2014 was going to be different....
This year the theme was 'strengthening the internet for free expression and innovation', and the brief (what they were looking for) read like it was made for us. It is exactly what we do.
I spent two weeks working on my application. It was adjusted through at least 4 different people's perspectives and proof read many times. We have 2 years worth of evidence of our capability behind us, 10,000 users to prove the idea is valid, and all has been done on zero funding.
We were top 5 in the 'applause' and comment rankings - not used to judge the winners, but indicative of how popular our project was with the readers. All of our comments were overwhelmingly positive and supportive. One was even from another competing project telling us they their project will USE our project.
One of the winners from 2013 wrote a blog post where 5 staff members picked their favourite projects from this year's 677 applicants - we were one of their favourites.
Everything looked perfect. It wasn't a guaranteed win...but damn did we have a great chance.
And then yesterday I got the email telling me that we hadn't even made the semifinal.
I'm devastated and just absolutely flawed by this outcome. I really can't fathom how it is even possible that people reviewed our application and discarded us from the competition.
My application:
The 56 semifinalists (56 out of 677 this year, yet we made it top 52 out of 1000+ applicants 2012): | Despite making it to the semifinals in 2012 with a worse position and application and much larger competition, we didn't make it this year with perfect conditions and a reasonable hope to actually win... |
t3_3gkzsu | running | Weekly Mileage Question | Hello, I've got a question about how far I should run in a week. Two weeks ago I did my first half marathon. In the month leading up to that I had been averaging 40-45km/week. After the race I tried to get back to that distance immediately. I was tracking well to meet it, until the following Sunday when I had to cut my long run short because I was very sore. I saw a physio who said it was nothing major, but to take it easy next week. I did 30km that week with no problems. But now the question. I booked to run another half marathon in two weeks time. Over those next weeks how far should I be running? | was running 40km/week before first half marathon. Running a second one in two weeks (in total a month after the first). How much should I run over the next two weeks? |
t3_2x6o1g | Advice | Blocked on Everything | Hello so a bit of backstory, i met a girl on Tinder who seemed to be nice and who i ended up asking out on a date before christmas. She ended up postponing it and we never arranged another time. Anyways we spoke occasionally on snapchat/whatsapp from time to time and she seemed pretty cool, so i gave her my facebook details recently and she ended up adding me on it.
Anyway we spoke tonight briefly about a gig i'm going to and her holiday plans, about on hour later i'm apparently blocked on Facebook, deleted off snapchat and whatsapp. The last message i sent was "Are you watching anything on netflix", and she responded to that pretty civilly so i don't think it was that convo.
What the fuck have i done wrong and can it be for some other reason? (i know the later very clutching at straws but still). | Tinder friendship, few months chatting, added on facebook by her, brief friendly conversation tonight, blocked on everything, the fuck? |
t3_4m3d2s | relationships | How do I [19/F] get over my [21/M] ex and his annoying social media habits? | Hey everybody,
I've posted about my relationship before and it's finally over. We broke up last Wednesday and we talked on the phone Thursday but since then we haven't spoken.
I'm not saying I'm waiting on a call but he did say he wanted to remain friends but hasn't spoken to me since the break up. Even though he hasn't spoken to me he's posting pictures on Twitter of another female friends celebration so he has time to hang out with other friends but can't contact me. She's posting stuff on Twitter too and my heart sank when I saw the photos of them partying together honestly.
I was doing really good not thinking about us before I saw the photos but now I can't stop. Knowing that he's partying with girls and going on like nothing happened is bothering me. He said he still wanted to be friends and still wants me in his life but he's not showing me that at all. I really just want to block him and anyone that knows him but that's just gonna make me look bitter. I'm upset because I feel like I'm having a harder time trying to get over this breakup than he is.
I'm at home sad and he's out yucking it up at restaurants. I REALLY want to get over this person but I just don't know how. Can someone please give me some tips? This is my first major breakup so far. | Ex boyfriend is posting pictures on twitter hanging out with females friends 7 days after our break up.He also said he wanted to remain friends but hasn't contacted me at all. How do I get over this guy?? |
t3_2swa7e | relationship_advice | I [20/m] am terrible at conversing and I have no idea what to say to a girl [18/f] I have been introduced to but don't know. How do I start/carry a conversation? | I know this is pretty sad, but I'm 20 and have never had a girlfriend or anything close to it. I have always been shy and introverted, don't have great self-esteem, and I've always had only a small amount of friends and meeting new people (not just women, but anyone) can be intimidating to me. I have been sort of set up with this girl over social media by a family member, and she said she'd like to get to know me. I am especially bad at conversing over text for whatever reason, and I just have no idea what to say. What is a good way for me to start a conversation and keep it going with someone I know little about, but not be too random or awkward? I really don't want to make a bad impression. | I need to start (and keep up) a text conversation with a girl I haven't met yet. What do I start out with and not sound too awkward, random, etc? |
t3_2cpirk | relationships | Me [30 M/F] with my ex-roommate [23 M/F] persistent crush | Was housemates with a couple for a year. A year ago they broke up when he moved across the country. 4 months after the breakup she started spending every Saturday night with me (at the same house) and we eventually ended up in bed together but before having sex she stopped us and said she was betraying "him" and broke off contact for 3 months with me while she finished university.
Now she invites herself over once or twice a week for the last month and I'm developing the biggest crush. But don't want to make a move even though there seems to be every opportunity. I'm afraid of her pulling a disappearing act again. I think we both like each other and are both a little confused how the relationship has developed. She tells me things like she unfriended him on facebook a few months ago and also that she's ended things with her FWB of this year.
I like how things are now and don't even want to broach the topic to not rock the boat. But the crush thing is always on my mind now and is unsettling me. | Crushing on ex-housemate from a year ago, get together for drinks and parties at my place every week, don't want to mention crush not for fear of rejection but for fear of damaging the relationship. |
t3_kjx6h | dating_advice | Never been on a date before. Advice on asking a girl out? | So I am a European student studying in Europe. There is a new girl here, who is an exchange student. I seem to really like her (which is quite rare for me) but we only get to talk at a pub once a week since our schedules are quite different and she lives on campus while I live in the city. I don't usually like girls to the point where I start thinking about asking them out. But there is something about this girl I really like. I don't really hope for a relationship since she is leaving in winter, but it would be nice to get to know her and hang out more (not as friends obviously).
What would be the best way to tell her that? Perhaps ask if she wants to get a coffee or something after school? Note that I would probably do it at the pub so we both may be a bit drunk. She mostly hangs out with friends from her university back home and other international people, so she is not really in the circle of people that I hang out with. So I really have no idea what I should say and how she would react to it. I am also quite nervious, since as I mentioned, I have never been on a date nor asked a girl out before. It's been over a month since she moved here, so every time I see her and don't do anything I feel like my chances are getting slimmer and slimmer. | Never asked a girl out before. Really like an exchange student girl and would like to ask her out, but I see her only once a week or so. |
t3_1o1yv7 | offmychest | Break ups hurt. | I was dating this girl for a year and a half. I was planning on switching schools (I'm in my third year of high school) and going to a boarding school, where we wouldn't have been able to see each other, and would most likely have had to break up. I told her back in May, and she became extremely sad and practically begged me to stay. So I told her I would try to figure something out, and I ended up staying.
We continued dating for a while, but there was a month over the summer where we didn't see each other, due to our plans overlapping and travelling with family. When I got back from vacation at the end of August, she told me her phone was broken, and that was why I couldn't call or text her. I didn't notice it at the time, because I'm terrible at picking up signals, but she slowly started distancing herself from me. She started ignoring me at school and staying with her more popular friends, whom she knew I hated (I'm not the most popular guy, but I have a nice circle of friends.).
I reactivated my facebook to talk to her. Then she tells me that she called me and says that it's important. My phone plan had just ended, and there was about a week where I couldn't call or receive calls. She then proceeds to type everything that she would've said over the phone to me. Basically, she didn't have feelings for me anymore, as she had met another guy over the summer.
At first, I just felt kind of numb, but now, several days after, it's really started to get me down. Mulling it over, I did sort of deserve it, as I was quite a shitty boyfriend. However, I didn't want it to end like this. | Girlfriend begs me to stay at my current school, and I do. She then breaks up with me 3 weeks after school starts. |
t3_2t72jm | jobs | Help with training my replacement | Hello r/jobs! I've come to you for some advice. I recently got a promotion (!) and will be changing stations any time soon, and They're bringing someone in as a replacement for my job. Now, given that I've has this job for 4 years I grew pretty confortable in it and have been enough time to "customize"my job description a bit (Very complex linked together excel files and macros, specific folders and basically 4 years of entropy in my server folder). The way I see it, I need at least a week to train the person that's coming. The way my boss sees it, It should all be done in a day. The thing is, he will be leaving as well so the problems will come for the next boss and my coworkers if my replacement is not properly trained (plus I will be learning a new job myself and wouldn't want to have this guy call me every 10 minutes).
I even made a list of topics encompassing the whole week and he still won't budge, Now I honestly want what's best for the business unit and my coworkers, who I like very much, but I don't know how else to go about it. What do you guys think?
Oh, I'm a maintenance engineer and work on a 1000 employee company. | My boss won't let me train my replacement properly. I believe this will negatively impact the whole team and don't know what to do. |
t3_2qx1pl | relationships | My girlfriend [17F] of 2 months is battling depression. Would appreciate some advice. | Hello, /r/relationships! (and a happy New Year!)
I(17M) have known my girlfriend for a year, been dating for the past two months. We've been very close to each other since we first met, and have been tentatively dating since until we decided to form a more stable relationship two months ago.
She was always hesitant about starting a relationship because she feared that her stays in the hospital, mood swings, etc. caused by her depression would push me away.
Her depression has not been an issue - I'm always there for her, give her alone time when she needs it and other aspects of our relationship are going swimmingly.
However, I would greatly appreciate some advice about how to be a good partner, what I can do to help her on her bad days, etc. Maybe point me towards any resources to help me understand her condition and make sure our relationship goes smoothly. | gf is battling depression. Relationship is great. However, would appreciate any honest advice about how to be a good bf, help her cope (and just general advice for someone's first relationship!) |
t3_umuzx | relationships | I'm getting desperate. I moved to a foreign country for medical school and my boyfriend followed me here. Now we are both miserable. | I am 31 and he is 32. We have been together for 8 years. We got married last July. We thought he would be able to find a job here but it has not worked out. Now he is completely miserable and is getting more isolated everyday. He even struggles with the language (Portuguese). And I have no extra time to do anything other than study. Yesterday he admitted he is extremely depressed and refuses to see a professional about it because he doesn't want to talk to someone he can't understand. I have about 3 years left. I am willing to move back to where we are both from, that has alway been the plan. It was dumb to not have it all more set up before his arrival, I know. His family initially helped him financially but they are about to cut him off since the job situation didn't work out. I'm also dependent on my family. He's going to leave to find work back home. Has anyone ever been in this situation? Is there any hope to survive this? | My now husband has to leave to find work while I am in a foreign country finishing medical school. We are both secure in our relationship but unsure about the future. Is there hope? |
t3_1x06ba | relationships | Me [24 M] with my best friend [25 F] not close anymore. PLEASE HELP! I want her back! | Long story short, I recently transferred to this one college. Don't know that many people but I'm pretty good at making friends. Anyway so I made a few friends over the semester and this girl was exceptionally closer than anyone else. Maybe because first time, I had a crush on her but then found out she has a SO but she told me she doesn't wanna lose me as a close friend or even life long friend. So our friendship grew, hung out a lot, talked pretty much everyday, shared many personal stuff( mostly me, she is very private) and when I was gone we skyped maybe 2-4 times a week. We fought a lot too mainly because we had many different ideas of life and how to care about friends and relationship stuff and what not but always we stayed cool afterwards.
One day, after Christmas break, she got sick and I was worried and maybe contacted her a little too much. Later she blocked me from FB, her phone and even ignored me from school. We talked about it but she said FB isn't a big deal so chill, phone: because I'll be dramatic towards her and at school she said she ignored me because she was sick. Nothing made sense for me at that point because for FB, she could've told me not to bother her, her phone the same and at school she didn't have to ignore right in front of me because she was sick.
So from that point, she only talked when I contacted her except one night she text me to see if I wanted to go out. And just avoid me a lot at school. I confronted her why she is being like this and she said she wasn't herself last semester and she just wants to be normal friends. I don't get it at all! I can't stand this uneasiness and makes me uncomfortable. I want us to be close again or should I just let her be and move on?
PLEASE HELP ME.
p.s. I don't know if this is for /r/relationships or /r/askreddit | My 6 months in close friend (F) has changed over the winter and she just wants to be a "normal friend" / She was so caring, fun and bright. I want her back the way she was before! |
t3_4lqdkd | relationships | My (27F) husband (28) doesn't want my stepfather (60M) to be our child's grandfather. | By the time my mom and my stepfather "Noah" got married, I was too old to really think of Noah as my dad, but he is a great guy so we do have a very good relationship that is appropriate for our situation.
I am pregnant, and even though I don't really think of Noah as my dad, I still want him to be my baby's grandfather. The baby will know him from the very beginning, my bio father is completely out of the picture, and Noah is really excited about the baby. I couldn't see any reason why he shouldn't be my baby's grandfather.
My husband "Tom" and I were visiting my mom and Noah when I asked them what they wanted their grandparent names to be. Later, Tom told me he wasnt comfortable with Noah being considered a grandfather. I was surprised to hear this, since Tom and Noah always got along, but Tom said it wasn't anything personal against Noah. He felt it wasn't right to put Noah on the same level as toms dad and our mom's because he hadnt raised me. He claimed that the lack of blood relationship had nothing to do with it, it would be completely different if Noah had adopted me. He also said it would be hard if my mom and Noah got divorced, since our baby would have gotten attached to Noah, but not even be related to him anymore. I told him this was very unlikely, and even if they did get divorced, I would still want Noah in my life unless he did something terrible. I don't see any reason to deprive our baby of another grandfather just because there is a slim possibility that he might leave the family.
The other issue Tom had was that I told Noah he would be a grandfather without consulting with Tom. It's not that I thought of discussing it with Tom and chose not to, it honestly didn't even occur to me that it was something that needed to be discussed.
Any ideas for how to handle this issue with my family? Was I wrong for not discussing this with Tom first? | husband is upset because I told my stepfather, who didn't raise me, that he could be my baby's grandfather |
t3_31bjp0 | loseit | Confused About This Weight Loss Thing... | Ok. So last Tuesday, I went on vacation. Literally didn't do anything. Stayed home, watched movies, and for 5 days I didn't do anything but eat yakisoba (ramen) and chocolate ice cream. As far as beverages go, I drank water and iced tea. (A little milk here and there). Exercise was normal/below normal. Sleep was... Well, I got lots of that.
I got on the scale today, (I weigh myself once a week) and I've lost about 10lbs. I absolutely trust this scale and my weight never ever varies by more than a pound or two.
Now, without harassing me for eating shit for a week, can anyone offer any explanation as to why I lost 10 pounds??? (I'm not complaining! Just confused...) | after a week of eating ramen and ice cream, and getting normal to less than normal activity, I've lost 10 pounds. I'm curious as to why. |
t3_1y50w4 | relationships | How should I [25/F] turn someone down after I've given my number to them out of politeness? | On the weekend I gave my number to two guys I wasn't really interested in because we'd been chatting for quite a while and I felt it would've been awkward not to. Both of them messaged me, but I really have no desire to go on a date or engage in small talk via text. So far both have just asked me how my week has been and we've engaged in small talk, so it would seem kind of preemptive to send a "Sorry, not interested" text when they haven't actually asked me out. Should I just stop texting? Seems kind of harsh. Also, one friended me on facebook and I feel a little nervous about him knowing so much about me. | I don't want to have text convos with people I'm not interested in (I'm bad enough at replying to my friends' texts) - what's a polite way to indicate lack of interest? |
t3_4xhntz | relationships | 17[F] Is this the end? | My boyfriend[17 almost 18M] and I have been dating for almost a year. Our anniversary is in less than a month and we made big plans. We even planned out some stuff for next week.
Out of nowhere he hits me with "would we be friends if we broke up?"
I ask some more and he's not sure he's loves me, he can't commit, and he wants to take a break.
He's my first real boyfriend and my first love. He took my virginity and celebrated so many firsts with me. He brought me out of my shell. I didn't think there was anything wrong at all. I thought we were happy. We were planning on going to the same college because we were both going into the same field.
Now he wants a break.
But I think it's going to be a breakup.
Reddit what do I do? I know it's so pathetic to sit here and cry but I can't do anything else. I love this guy. I know it's so unrealistic and idealistic. But I'm so lost. Everything was fine then out of nowhere it's going to all be gone. I can't do this. I know I'm only 17 and my whole life is ahead of me. I know there's plenty of other fish in the sea. But I really thought he was going to be the one. he merely said break but I mentioned before that a break is just testing waters for a breakup. I also asked him if he thought we'd break up soon since he asked me about if we would be friends after one. He said probably. I don't know what to do. I can't cope with an indefinite break. I have anxiety. I'm envious of the dead.
Is this the end? Please help me get back. My eyes are leaking like a broken faucet. I can't turn them off. I don't have very many friends who I'm comfortable talking about this to. I don't want to accept this is happening at all. Why is this even happening?
What even is a break? does that mean all of our plans are canceled? I wish I could just crawl into a hole and die | everything is fine then boom BF wants to take a break(probably ultimately a breakup). I feel like something broke inside me. Is this the end? How to cope? What to do? |
t3_oahdz | relationships | Girlfriend is attempting to become a roomate? | Here is the intro:
We have been together for 6 1/2 years and have lived together for nearly all that time. There were rough patches, but nothing truly difficult to overcome together. These usually involved her flipping out on me for not appreciating her and in most cases she was usually right. But I usually apologized and in most cases we both made compromises to make life more enjoyable. She is 24 and I just hit 30.
Then a week ago she drops a bomb. It started out as a regular fight, but it didn't take long before I realized she had an agenda. She was trying to break up with me, but maintain the financial stability of a roomate. We are married in every sense of the word and our lives are pretty entangled. (Although we have split 50/50 on every shared item and purchases). She is very adamant about this breakup even saying some uncharacteristcally hurtfull things towards me. She contends she has been faithful and says she intends to stay single to sort shit out.
I haven't decided how to react towards her. For myself I've gone through anger, sadness, despair and finally a cold calculation in regards to the situation. I believe she knows how I feel and I can catch her trying not to cry sometimes when we are talking...but lately she has resorted to spouting cliched platitudes like "there, there" or "don't give up" and so on...
The truth of the matter is I don't want to lose her, but I don't see her changing her mind with my usual tactics of apologize and rationalize. I can't see the roomate situation working...Is there a happy solution? | Live in girlfriend of 6 1/2 years initiating breakup and trying to become just roomates. I still love, her I dont know. Would like a happy solution |
t3_4z8g2e | relationships | I [37M] work in an environment with several, VERY attractive women [20s to 40s] who greet me by hugging me and kissing me on the cheek. Am I weird for finding this a little too invasive? | I work in a large, popular yoga studio's membership and accounts department as an IT person and I'm in charge of the company's web presence, too. I'm one of only about six guys who work here (one is the general manger [50s], another is the head custodian [50s], one is a cashier [20s] at the juicebar, and three are yoga teachers [20s and 30s]). Everyone else here is female, including more than a dozen female yoga instructors.
My first-world problem is that everyone here hugs and kisses as a greeting. Or rather, I should say, the women at the studio generally hug each other and the guys, too. Full on body hugs, kisses on the cheek. I am included in all of this. The general manager and the custodian get hugged too, but I do not notice that they're initiating hugs themselves on other people, and certainly not to other guys. The male yoga teachers will also hug me in greeting, but do not, like the women, kiss me on the cheek.
I'm married [wife is 38] and have two children [7M, 5F], and although I know my coworkers are just being nice and friendly and trying to promote a casual, hip atmosphere with the whole yoga community, I still find it uncomfortable. I am 100% loyal to my wife but I still find it personally inappropriate when scarcely-clothed, very attractive young women are hugging up on me.
First world problems, I know, but it still bugs me.
How can I avoid hugging my coworkers without looking like I'm mean or don't want to be part of the community, or without looking like I disapprove of them as people?
Aside from the hugging and kissing making me uncomfortable, my coworkers are awesome and I like my job. | Coworkers hug as a greeting. I don't think I like getting hugged, but I don't want to seem mean, either. |
t3_2zz87v | tifu | TIFU by being impulsive about the wrong thing. | Some brief back story. I (33M) live with my best friend (34F), we have had a FWB kind of relationship not to strongly just mostly for comfort and a little bit of fun (ie once every month or two), for about 5 years now. We are first and foremost friends. We run a small business together live in separate rooms and generally hang out with each other when no better options for entertainment present themselves. (which is usually as any SBO (small business owner) knows.
She is not very physically affectionate, (I feel this is an important aspect of the TIFU) no hugs no cuddles that kind of thing. (ie See not SO) I refer to her as my life companion that one person you would drop what every you where doing just to go help them out.
Now onto the fuck up, for the last two days i've been day dreaming about kissing up her neck and down her cheek bones. Well today while I was next to her the impulse just over took me and i just did it. It shocked her and is freaking her out a bit (ie trama). As this isn't my normal behavior just some crazy idea that popped into my head and before i kicked it out it took over.
This wouldn't normally be a problem except that she has a major issue with being kissed at all. (ie see drunken idiot forcing himself on her) So i screwed up majorly. Now she is freaking out about it and i'm not sure what kind of emotional dmg I may have caused. | Had an impulse to kiss my friend that i didn't stop before hand and she comes from a troubled past with things like this happening. |
t3_g3l5p | relationship_advice | Need help fixing up a mistake. | Some backstory:
This girl and I met on Valentine's Day and immediately hit it off incredibly well. She met another guy about the same time & both of us are aware of each other. However, she sees him about once a week and spends virtually every day with me, and we're becoming more & more serious.
The mistake. Last Saturday we went to a party and I blacked out for the first time ever, despite copious amounts of drinking in my past. I was rude to her, and called her out on playing me. My sober self is absolutely nothing like that person and I feel endless amounts of regret for it. I know she really likes me still, but she feels that due to that night she can't put trust into a real relationship with me and wants to cut off what we have going.
I know we've only been at this for a month, and it isn't life-shattering to lose her, but I'd really rather not. Meeting her has actually helped to pull me a bit out of a rather deep depression, and I completely adore many of her qualities. I've apologized profusely, and she has forgiven me, but still doesn't want to be more than friends. I've made assurances that I'll never drink remotely near that much again, and finally shared some of what she really means. She really does like me, and she's hurting too, but is steadfast.
So it comes down to this: Any idea how this poor sap can fix this fuck-up? | Got blackout-drunk at a party, was mean to my near-girlfriend, she doesn't want to date anymore. How do I fix it? |
t3_32m7yc | running | How to combine a high cadence with a lowish heart rate? | Relative newbie to running for its own sake and just having some difficulties trying to understand some of the nuances. I'm an ex-basketball player and my experience running has only ever really been anaerobic sprinting work or 800m intervals. I had to stop playing because of chronic shin splint issues but the idea of running really appeals to me so would love to be able to stay fit by running.
I have done some cadence stuff in the past to try and combat my shin splints in order to avoid overstriding and heel striking so i recently completed the c25k program with cadence in mind but the 'zen' like experience of running never came to me. After a lot of reading here i realised it had a lot to do with trying to go all out on each run rather than 'slowing down to speed up' which i am now trying to do.
The problem however is that I can't seem to keep my cadence up while maintaining the appropriate heartrate for aerobic training. By upping my cadence i also up my heart rate but if i keep my heart rate down then it just feels like im plodding along and not being light on my feet which im afraid will lead back to my shin splint issues (despite my midfoot strike).
Im 6'5 if that makes any difference but I'd appreciate any input people with similar issues may have faced. Do i worry about increasing cadence at a later stage or will my heart rate adapt do a higher cadence even if im not running much faster.
Sorry for the essay I'm really bad at keeping things succinct. | How do I keep my heart rate within my aerobic range (140-157) while also running with a high cadence? |
t3_4lu016 | relationships | I [18 M] feel like I can't trust my [20 F] girlfriend because of what happened | Hello everyone.
So, a little backstory. My girlfriend of 10 months is currently serving in the military (Mandatory in our country). Her ex is serving with her.
Around 9 months ago, when she was just recruited, she had some hard time and was calling me every night and I would always be there for her, comfort her, help her as much as I can, etc...
One night, before she called me, she really had a hard time for some reason (She didn't think she fit in, had no friends, all that stuff) and she just started crying. This is where her ex comes into the story. He just hugged her and started comforting her. She told him she had a hard time and was just crying to him for a few minutes.
This made me really upset. Up to this day, I simply cannot forget it. I am not able to trust her.
She hasn't done anything like that since I told her I didn't like it, but I just can't seem to trust her. She really does everything for me now and is absolutely amazing. It's just that I can't forget that it happened and I can't seem to let the past go, forgive her and trust her. I just think that if she was able to do that before - why won't she do it again?
If you have any advice or can help me in any way, I'd be more than happy to hear you out.
Thanks! | girlfriend had a hard time in the military, cried and was comforted by her ex. I can't trust her now. |
t3_32q8dc | tifu | Tifu by messing around on an escalator. | This fu Wasn't today but when I was 7 or 8, I was out with my family and they decided to go shopping in a mall, but I didn't want to go shopping so I got my sisters boyfriend to stay outside so I could play.
It was the first time that he had minded me on my own and needless to say I was a handful, running up and down this old outdoor escalator.
While I was playing on said escalator, I realised for the first time that I could pull the moving hand rail in the opposite direction. I found this to be amazing (I was a child) and started doing this for a few minutes, then an idea came into my head, "I wonder if I could stop it completely?"
Sounded like an incredible idea at first, boy was I wrong. As I was pulling the hand rail back with all of my might (I had not strength), my elbow managed to get caught on the shelter built around the escalator and got trapped completely. I started to scream as I watched my hand get pushed around the curve of the escalator, resulting in the biggest snapping of bone I have ever witnessed.
The escalator broke both of the bones in my forearm completely clean. It was agonising, but looking back on it now, this was the first time my sister's boyfriend had minded me and I managed to break my arm within 20 minutes. Which just manages to make me laugh every time I think about it. | first time I was being minded by my sister's boyfriend, messed about on an escalator and got my arm broken by trapping my elbow while I was holding the hand rail. |
t3_3744vx | relationships | Me [42 M ] and Wife [36 F] have a weird situation with visiting her parent's. | My wife and I visit her parents a few times a month. They live in a small town about 30 minutes away.
In the last few months, her parents became good friends with a couple down the street. Her parents are around 60 years old and the new neighbors are somewhere between 30-35 years old. They seem to be over their house every single weekend and a lot during the week. They walk in the house freely, go through the fridge, and hang out.
Now, they are really nice people. I don't detect anything wrong with them. In fact, they have a lot of things in common with her parents such as music and sports.
Here's the issue and why I'm writing.
What does bother us is family time. When we do visit, the parent's friends are over. Even during the holidays, birthdays, and other events. It's like we don't have quality time with them when strangers are in the house. I feel like it's a social event, not family time.
It's her parents house. They choose who gets to come over, we don't get any say.
Maybe we are jealous and seeing it the wrong way. We don't plan on saying anything in fear to hurt anyone's feelings.
Just wanting to know if our feelings are wrong. | Change has happened with visiting wife's parents. Neighbors are over the house all the time intruding on family visits. Is it us? Or is the situation fine. |
t3_3vha5s | tifu | TIFU by walking in my own living room. | Obligatory this didn't happen today, but last week, the thought just occurred to me today.
Anyway, during thanksgiving week, and thus me being out of school, I was staying at my dad's house for a few days. My dad, little brother, stepmom, and sister were gone during the time, and left my older brother and me in the house while they were gone.
They didn't bother waking me up and taking them with them because they know I don't usually like going out unless someone really wants me to, or I feel like it (which is rare), so they left me sleep. Now, everyone knows I sleep for a long time, and my older brother does too, so I guess he assumed I wouldn't be awake for a long time.
Anyway, I woke up, checked my phone, and it was 5:30 P.M. (give or take) I was hungry, and wondering where everyone was, so I got up from my sister's bed (I don't usually stay with my dad, so I didn't have a room), and walked toward the kitchen, which was right next to the living room.
As I'm walking to the kitchen, I look toward the living room and see my brother with his pants pulled down, and his hand near his crotch. I almost immediately flinched and averted my eyes from the sight, as I didn't want to see it, and walked around as if I hadn't even seen it.
Apparently though, he already saw me see him, because he said "Dammit! Can I please get myself together?!" as though he were angry at me (which is odd), as my back was turned and I headed back toward my sister's room. After that, I just went back to sleep and woke up when the family was back home, pretending like nothing happened. | Woke up in the afternoon, family was gone, brother assumed I was asleep, I walked into the kitchen, older brother seemed to be masturbating on the couch (didn't stick around to confirm), shouted at me angrily. |
t3_1xalq1 | offmychest | My younger brother is an emotional manipulative, ungrateful brat | I love my 18 year old brother, he isn't all bad, has lots of qualities as well, but I'm starting to hate him more than ever. My parents always did everything they could for him, still do. He has the best parents in the world, all the support and love in the world, and he still complains about everything!! He's always saying he doesn't have enough money to buy the clothes he wants, doesn't have enough money to do what he wants, that no-one really listens to him, that my parents don't care enough for him, blah blah blah. Even though my parents do everything they can for him, he's still an ungrateful little bitch who knows nothing about real suffering or lack of money, but still complains about every single thing!! He argues with my parents all the time (my mom mostly, who's unemployed and stays home practically all day) for the stupidest reasons, and I'm tired of this. I'm tired of his emotional manipulation towards my mom; doesn't he see how sensitive she is? Doesn't he see that her being unemployed affects her and she needs our support so she doesn't fall into a depression again? I guess not, as he only thinks about himself, that selfish brat. I just want out of this house, I'm tired of witnessing his manipulative behavior, but I can't help but think about what it will be like for my mom once I'm gone.
I'm sorry for rambling, I just needed to get this off my chest and I don't wanna bother my friends with this again. | My brother is a selfish, manipulative brat who doesn't care about anyone other than himself and I'm starting to hate him for it more than ever. |
t3_3eydwq | relationships | My (f/25) sister (f//23) went behind my back and spoke to our boss about one of my clients to get it for herself | Here is the story, my sis just opened a consulting firm ( apart of the family business in which we both work) since it´s new they have little experience and is very small and still very messy ( papers all over our house) they offer as a service accounting but nor she or her business partner have the slightest idea about accounting since they have other professions so they hired someone to do the accounting (this person is not certified).
She knows I work for a client that needs an accountant 24/7 so she spoke with our boss behind my back ( also a family member) even after I told her more than once that when her company gains experience I´d gladly pitch the idea and help her out. But since they dont have enough experience or employees at the moment that´s not the smartest move for this client since they have had a lot of issues with the IRS in the past and the client is incredibly demanding to the point I mainly only work for them.
Before the current accounting firm was hired they had so many issues with the numbers the company I work for was almost fired more than once because the previous accounting firm made several mistakes. The client even had to pay enormous amounts of money as a fine for those mistakes.
Since she would do it for 1/3 of the money currently paid to the accounting firm previously hired the boss agreed with her plan, eventhough she doesnt have a certified accountant at the moment at her firm. I opposed firmly to this since its my main client and my work relies on the good work of an accountant.
Today I decided to quit since I cant be a part of this charede while people´s money is on the hands of someone without the proper certification or experience.
Did I went too far? Am I exagerating by quitting ? Adivice welcomed. | sister went behind my back and spoke with out boss about a client I manage to fire the accountanting firm they have and hire her personal company eventhough thats not the smartest move |
t3_4tssn9 | legaladvice | 1 Do people hire a lawyer instead of a real estate agent? [North Carolina] | I'm in the process of getting out of a contract to buy a home. There were a lot of issues and I didn't think that my agent helped with any of them. In fact, I think she was a hindrance and was just slowing down communication by being too busy to relay important information in a timely manner.
I'm getting out of the deal, per the terms of the contract I'm due my money back because the seller could not produce a clean title. My agent isn't helping with this, I guess she's sad to lose her commission - which I understand. But after all of this, I feel like I'm better off doing the following:
- finding a home on my own, coordinating with the listing agent to view it
- handling the home inspection and survey on my own. Lender will order the appraisal and closing attorney will order the title search I think?
- hiring a lawyer to represent me in the transaction. Maybe someone who will get paid whether the deal falls through or not will better represent my interests?
My agent wasn't helpful with negotiations at all so, I'm not really intimidated by the idea of engaging with a listing agent directly to negotiate price an concessions. | Is it a feasible option to hire a lawyer instead of a real estate agent to represent yourself as a buyer in a real estate transactions? |
t3_1t7ou8 | relationships | I [M 19] cannot choose between two girls [Both 18] that I like. | So, I live in Liverpool and I made friends with two females online over a year ago. I did not meet them on any dating sites, I am just good friends with them. One of them lives in Runcorn, which is very close to where I am, and one of them lives in London, which is quite far.
Now, here's the main problem:
I get on with them equally well, and I share many interests with both of them. I'm confident that I know them both well enough that I could get a serious answer from them about their feelings for me if I asked. I talk to them both regularly, but one more than the other. Guess which one. That's right, the one that lives in London, aka the one much further away. I'm not exactly wealthy and nor am I a fan of public transport (I get lost easily), so taking a trip to London regularly is probably not an option for me, but I communicate with this girl much more than the other, and I feel like this could make up for that.
Another problem I feel that might come up is rejection. Now, I've never actually been in a relationship before, but I feel that I could take rejection well. That's not the issue though. What is the issue is if I do start seeing one of them, then the other may feel like I was leading them on when I have to reject them if they ever ask me about seeing them. Like I said, I've never been in a relationship before and I don't want to be in any rush, but is is wrong that I am choosing like this?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | One girl I like is far from where I live and we talk a lot, and the other is close to where I live but we talk less. Need advice. |
t3_17i8kz | relationships | My (24F) sister (27F) recently started seeing an older man (47). Need advice on how to approach? | I'll try and make this as short as possible. My sister (she will be known as Sara), as recent as early December, got out of a 4 year relationship with 23M (He ended the relationship). Shortly after, starting "dating" 47M (we will call him George).
He lives up in Canada, and has visited once before in December, I am unsure of the time line. George is visiting, again February 6th through the 9th. On the 8th, Sara, George, myself, and my other 2 sisters (17 and 22) will be meeting up for breakfast. It will be my younger two sister's and my first time meeting him. George, is going through a divorce, which I recently found out about.
When I found out that he was still technically married, over text messaging, I had replied with "Healthy" (being sarcastic) Sara, obviously, took the defensive approach and responded with, "If you don't know the whole situation, it's not your place to judge." Being that they just met in the middle of November, I think I know enough to understand that there is something that needs to be addressed. My SO (26M) thinks that it may be stemming from her form of "Daddy Issues" which, all 3 of my sister's and I all share in our own way.
I am worried that this is an unhealthy relationship, being he is just 5 years younger then our father, it being so soon after her last relationship, George going through his own divorce, and Sara not even completing her divorce, they have been separated since 2007. How do I approach my concerns without her getting defensive and/or backlashing? | Sister recently started dating older male (20 years her senor) I find the relationship to be unhealthy. My SO agrees what with our forms of "Daddy issues" that we share. How do I approach her? |
t3_3cfywm | relationships | Me [19F] found out that my boyfriend of one year [21M] lied to me | My boyfriend has a very flirty female friend[21F] who has strong and obvious feelings for him. They have been friends for a long time and he doesn't feel the same for her.
Recently I found some texts from her to him that cross the line. She constantly texts him asking if he cares about her and if she died today would he be upset. Aside from this, she has asked him to go lingerie shopping with her. I confronted him about the texts immediately and he said he would put a stop to them. This argument happened about two weeks ago. When I asked him about it the next time I saw him he said he talked to her about it and she understood what she was doing is something that can't continue. I was happy that it worked out and moved on.
Yesterday however my boyfriend and I were out to lunch and he received a text. When he had stared at his phone with confusion for a while I asked him if everything is okay and looked at his phone. It was a text from her saying that the power on the plane went out and "if i die you're good." I asked him again saying that I thought those types of texts had stopped. All he did was shrug.
Now I know that I have to talk to him about his friend, for the third time, and about his lying. I'm not at all sure how to go about this. Anybody have advice? | I caught my boyfriend lying to me after telling me he had gotten his overly flirty female friend to take it down. I know I have to confront him about it I'm just not sure how. Does anyone have any suggestions? |
t3_3gd95h | relationships | I just found out my (27m) girlfriend (27f) of 8 months used to work as a prostitute | This was long before we were dating, but I'm still disturbed by it.
We've been dating for 8 months, and recently she had told me she had to open up about a dark side of her past that she hasn't told many people. When she was in her early 20's, she used to work as a prostitute, or a "call girl" as she called it. She told me its in her past, but she has no regrets. She says her past shouldn't define who she is now, that her past is in the past, and that it shouldn't matter. She said she was trusting me immensely with this. I just can't believe it and can't stop picturing her with countless other "suitors" paying her for sex. She says it was just part of her past that she doesn't talk much about, but I'm not sure if I'm okay with this.
Am I making a big deal out of this for nothing or am I right to be upset? I know its her body, but I still feel like its dirty and it makes me uncomfortable. I don't think I'm okay with the idea of paying money for sex. I'm still glad she trusts me enough to be honest with me about it. | girlfriend of 8 months opened up to me that she used to work as a prostitute long before we were dating. Am I right to be upset or disturbed by this? |
t3_hf6m0 | AskReddit | Wedding Question: The "Plus One" a privilege or a right? | I'm getting married in September. When we got engaged my fiance's sister was involved with a guy. We naturally set aside room for her to bring him. However, this relationship ended before we sent our the invites. (Still haven't yet.) We then took him off the guest list and brought someone from our standby list on.
My fiance and her sister are close and often talk about the wedding. It came up that we no longer were expecting her to bring anyone. She got very upset and insisted that she be given that spot. She says that it will make her more comfortable to have someone there to share that special moment in the family.
We've said that if she starts seeing someone we would gladly be willing to give her back that spot, but not for *anyone*.
We have a limit on how many people we can bring as the reception area is small. My feelings are that it is ridiculous that she would expect us to have one of our friends crossed off the list so she can bring someone we have never met. To top it all off, she doesn't know who she will bring. Just that she wants to bring **someone**. | My future sister in-law is insisting for a plus one even though she has no idea who she will bring. |
t3_3zz6zt | weddingplanning | Anyone here have experience with Prenupts? | Hey guys...as the title says, anyone here have experience with prenuptial agreements? My FH and I are planning on getting one. Not that I don't think our marriage will last forever, but both of us have had experience in both our families seeing a loved one get completely screwed over because they didn't have one (both of our aunts - mine went hundreds of thousands of dollars into debt because of her ex husband and his is practically homeless with near no money to her name), and in the event that one of us is abducted by an alien and replaced by a crazy person/looses their goddamn mind, we would like to see that the other is taken care of in an amicable agreement. (In addition, my parents have made it very clear that they want me to have one with any/all inheritances from them going only to me. I know that makes it sound like they have a Nazi Gold Train, but my aunt got really, really screwed in her divorce after my grandmother died.) | Our families went through shit due to divorce, we're getting a prenupt, anyone else have and how'd it go? |
t3_32rgmk | loseit | DAE Experience This? | When I don't eat, I'm not hungry, but when I do eat, I become hungry. What I mean is, when I wake up, I'm usually not hungry, so I often skip breakfast. If I do that, then I'm also usually not hungry at lunch time--but I have to take a medicine that is a powder I mix with a liquid. In order for me to be able to tolerate the med, it has to be a flavored liquid--almost like a juice. That seems to trigger a hungry response, and then I become hungry for lunch. Also, if for some reason I eat breakfast even if I'm not hungry, I am starving well before lunchtime. After I eat for the day the first time, I get hungry, but not before. I feel like I could go all day not eating if I never started eating. Lunch usually satisfies me until supper, and supper usually satisfies me as well. But, then at bedtime, I have to take that medicine again. I become hungry for a night time snack after that, when I wasn't hungry before. Anyone else have this issue? Feeling like you could go forever without eating if you don't start, but once you start you are constantly hungry? | When I don't eat, I don't get hungry. When I finally eat, I am suddenly starving all day. |
t3_hgetq | AskReddit | Really could use the help of a house painter or contractor. | Hi all, so my parents are building a house, something they've been wanting to do for a long long time. Well apparently they painted the house, and the way it went down was my mom bought the paint at a store (like home depot for example) and gave it to the painters to use. Well today my dad and I had to search for her for like 2 hours because she was so upset about a mistake that she blames herself for.
Basically, she thinks she asked the employees when buying the paint if primer was needed and they said no because the paint says on it that it has primer included. Well I guess they painted it with it, and now the ceilings look bad since you can see the lines of the joint in them. After this happened they called the paint place and they claimed it was probably some new people that were working there who didn't tell them right.
So now, they are out of thousands of dollars of paint, and the ceilings do not look good. She is extremely upset and blaming her self entirely for this despite my numerous attempts to persuade her otherwise.
My question is, can we do ANYTHING about this issue besides for buying all new paint for the house which would be very expensive? I really just want to find a way to convince my mom to not be upset about this anymore. | Bought paint that said it included primer, turns out that you still need an individual primer coat for new house surface painting. Out of thousands of dollars of paint, what can we do to fix it so I can calm my mom down? |
t3_3k776g | relationships | My [14M] parents got divorced a couple years ago, and I don't think I'm over it yet. What can I do to make things better with them? | This is something that's been weighing me down for a while now, and I hoped some of yoou might have some advice for me.
Two years ago, when I was 12, my parents suddenly announced they were going to separate. I was shocked, and it was a really weird experience for me. For three months, my parents were still married but lived seperately, and then the paperwork was finalized.
The thing is, I still haven't come to terms with why the divorce ever happened. I only ever heard one argument between my parents, and they seemed to get along well otherwise. The only explanation I ever got was "communication issues" and I feel like that's just too broad to be an actual reason. I almost think this could be damaging my relationship with them, but I don't know.
Additional information: My parents have joint custody, and I see each parent for two days at a time. I feel like this schedule is kind of tough on me since it's hard to keep things at one place for an extended period (Moving the Wii U back and forth was a real pain in the ass at first); however, we've talked about changing this before, and I kind of got the feeling that that might be too hard on my parents.
I'm not even sure how I feel about my folks any more. On the one hand, I still love them; I'm their son, and it's obvious that they both still love me. However, I can't really say I feel any kind of significant emotion towards them sometimes. Maybe it's just that I haven't fully forgiven them yet? I'm probably not even describing how I feel right, but that's how I feel like I feel, if that makes sense. | Parents got divorced suddenly 2 years ago, never gave me a real reason as to why, and now I don't know how to feel about my family situation as a whole. What can I do to make this better? |
t3_31aoxc | relationships | i (20 F) found suspicious internet history on BF of a year (20 M) phone | Yeah I was snooping. It's nearly 5 am on the weekend and he left our house (we live together) at eleven pm and still isn't home. I found browser history from his phone on his laptop (his internet browsers sync from his phone to laptop) of "escort" websites in our state- with about 15-20 different girls profiles in his history. The profiles he viewed all were very sexual (offering things like threesomes, blowjobs, basically sexting on their profile) with sexual/naked pictures on each profile.
The weird thing is we are together all the time, and other than tonight nothing has seemed suspicious. His internet history was erased from a day before he viewed the profiles and on. The day he viewed the profiles was a week ago (ie I couldn't see his history from before the profile views- also suspicious). Am I overthinking this, or is he cheating on me? I almost think he just used the pictures to get off, like using them for porn, but it seems like SUCH a strange and random way to get off (wouldn't actual videos be easier than googling an escort website?) and I know for a fact he doesn't have money to pay an escort. Someone help- im so confused. | I found internet history on my boyfriends laptop of him looking up escort websites in our area, and about 20 different profile views of escort girls in our area. Is he cheating? |
t3_3ziszp | Advice | Would it be back luck to buy the same car twice? | So far in my life I've been driving hand-me-down vehicles. Either it was my brother's old car, my dad's old car, or recently even my grandfather's old car.
A few weeks ago, after my most recent car got written off, I decided to save up money and buy a car for myself. Using my dad as a bank (he paid for it and I'm paying him back monthly) we eventually bought a new car that I really loved. It was a small car, black, and I really felt comfortable in it. Everyone said it suited me perfectly. It was a dream to drive and every day I looked forward to cruising it to-and-from work.
Anyway, last week it got written off as well. Only after two weeks of owning it, someone ran a red light and smashed right into my car. I found out this morning that it's a total loss as well. I'm devastated. I barely had any time to enjoy the car, and it has been my favourite car to own to date. I'm really upset that I lost it so quickly after owning it.
So, once I get the insurance money for the car I'm looking to buy another one. I want to try and find the exact same car, but I feel like it might be bad luck. I mean, if someone smashed my car only two weeks after owning it, maybe it's a sign that I shouldn't own that type of car? I know that sounds really superstitious, and generally I'm not a very superstitious guy, but it makes me a little nervous to buy the same one again. But that's where I'm torn, because I really loved it and I wish I had more time to enjoy it. I want to buy it again and pretend like the first accident never happened.
What should I do? | Bought the car of my dreams, but it got totalled two weeks after owning it. Should I buy the same car again, or is that bad luck? |
t3_3d6hue | relationships | My [21F] new SO [26 M] of a month just told me about his last ex and I'm not sure if it's a red flag... | We've only been together a month and this was the first time we talked about our exes. He said he'd only dated one girl long-term and that it was for 6 years. They broke up because he wanted to move across the country. It wasn't really for work, he just wanted to move. He only stayed there a few months because of other reasons but ended up having to move back and move back in with his ex (they lived together for about a year). I'm not sure if this means they got back together and lived together again or he just had nowhere else to live...
I find this kind of unsettling. I'm not even really sure why it bothers me and I know absolutely nothing about their relationship but this gives me pause.
When we first started seeing each other he mentioned moving at the end of the summer but we've since talked about it and he said that's not in the picture anymore and kind of alluded to us meeting being the reason. So he dumped a girl after 6 years and living together to move on a whim but after knowing me a month he's putting off a similar move?
Am I reading way too much into this? Help, Reddit. | His last relationship was 6 years (lived together, too), they broke up because he wanted to move away. Is this a red flag? |
t3_197sbg | relationships | Girlfriend [f 20] doesn't feel any different with me [m 21] after dating for a while | Hi there, first (and only I hope) time posting to this board. I'm in a bit of a situation here and I'd like some advice.
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year now, shes great. I love spending time with her, we have the same hobbies, interests etc. I've had a few girlfriends in the past and she just blows them all out of the water.
Recently I've started to fall for her and it's her birthday soon (worst timing -_-), so I was pumped to take her out and bought her some gifts - she seemed pretty excited as well.
Last night we had a conversation which really hammered me; she said that after a year of dating she still feels exactly the same towards me as she did at the start, nothing intimate or emotional whatsoever and this troubles her. She said this doesn't change anything, but it really shook my emotions around and I'm confused as what to do. She's starting her education this year and she moved from a small town so she hasn't really been single before - I suspect she just feels trapped and wants to do her own thing.
She's had 2 long term relationships in the past, and ended one about 2 months before we started hooking up.
Is it time to end this? I know at this point that I can't look at her the same way and it'd be stupid to just continue into the future, where she might call it off. On the other hand, she said that every year she gets an urge to "change" and she gets over it eventually. I've never ACTUALLY broken up with a girl before so I'm understandably nervous and very confused, and I really love spending time with her :( | gf doesnt feel any different with me after a year, i think she just wants to be single and do her own thing |
t3_14axhz | relationship_advice | [23/m] my girlfriend [20/f] has been in a relationship I'm thinking of breaking up, can anyone convince me otherwise? | Okay a little back story. We met in college in Alaska. Were friends for half a year before we started dating. Then it was a great year and a half. It was amazing. I enjoyed my time with her and I even thought about marrying her. Then she had to attend college in Ohio cause the course she wanted wasn't offered here.
We were sure we could make the LDR work. I was hopeful. I'd send her packages of some silly stuff. And we'd talk on skype almost every night. Text messages never stop coming. Then the calls gradually became less and less frequent until it came into a complete halt. Then after half a year another friend of mine confirmed to me that she was cheating on me. I confronted her about it and we broke up.
Last summer she came back to Alaska and begged me to get back together.
I really really liked her. I really do. Breaking up with her was the most painful thing I've ever had to do. So I happily agreed to get back together.
We had a great summer then she went back to Ohio. At first we were back to talking constantly, skyping every night, texting, everything was great. Then again, it became less and less frequent. And just this morning I saw some guy posting on her facebook calling her sweetheart. I figured, it could just be a friend being silly. No need to over react. Right?
So I asked her about it casually. Then she got angry at me and accused me of stalking her... Then she asked for "space"
And I know this is a huge flag.
So reddit, I really really like this girl. I'm going to confront her again tonight. It might lead to another break up. Can anyone give me a good reason not to? I really feel like I should. But I really love her. I'm extremely indecisive so I'm asking you guys. | Girlfriend history of cheating, might be cheating again. But I really like her. I'm an indecisive fuck. |
t3_upiw6 | AskReddit | Please suggest me some more podcasts | Alright, so while I was able to look for and find other podcast suggestion threads, I'm looking for something a little more specific. While I do not care much about subject, I would like to listen to podcasts similar in tone to the two I currently listen to. They are ANNCast and Three Moves Ahead, and these are what I like about them.
-Two or more relative professionals related to the field they're talking about regularly in the shows. Having people really know what they're talking about at least part of the time is nice.
-Aforementioned hosts(esses) are also friends or at least know each other in a more than professional matter. Keeps the show from getting dry, and when they start working off or annoying each other makes the shows that much better I think.
-Professional and usually on topic, but not afraid to stray or go on wild tangents now and again.
-Around an hour long or longer. Gives the people running the podcast more time to talk about the subject, or whatever, and more freedom to discuss. | Looking for long, regularly updating podcasts, subject does not matter but would prefer almost a round-table like discussion of professionals and friends. |
t3_mdmic | AskReddit | Information regarding the IRS | My uncle who is 64 (moms brother) has been living at my house (rent free) for about seven years. As a result, my parents are separated now and probably heading for a divorce. He hasn't paid taxes in about 10 or 15 years. My family has a business in which he has worked their for the past 6 years. He has never been on payroll nor does he collect benefits. My mom or myself pay him petty cash ($340) a week. I have asked him to leave and so have my sisters and my mother but he says he has no place to go. If my parents have any chance at salvaging their mariage, he's got to go. Is it possible to anonymously report someone to the IRS, and would it effect our family business ?
thanks reddit, hope this helps | Is it possible to anonymously report someone to the IRS (an extended family member), and would it effect our family business that said person trying to report has worked for and received small amounts of cash for working. |
t3_12o2j6 | BreakUps | Not sure how to act with someone who I thought was close to me | Me[23m] and my ex [23f] were dating for a couple months but have been friends (before and after dating) for about 2 years. About 2 months ago she moved about an hour away and then started a new job. I didn't think too much of it until she would start being more scarce. She wouldn't respond to casual texts or even more serious ones until hours or days later and even after responding wouldn't respond hours later again.
This started to really annoy me around her birthday time when I had to leave town because of work during the week of her birthday which we would usually spend together doing something fun (she doesn't have many close friends) and we agreed to skype on her birthday night just to chat (we used to skype a lot). When her birthday came around I waited on skype for a few hours with no message or any indication that she wasn't going to be online and ended up logging off and going to sleep. She ended up sending me a text around midnight saying she was out with her family which I thought she could have easily sent at any time during the evening when I was waiting and she asked if we could skype the next evening instead. Even though I was kind of annoyed I agreed since I always agree, and that evening we skyped for a total of 6 minutes before she decided to go watch a movie (this annoyed me even more).
When I got back to town she again didn't respond to any messages I would send until a large period of time had passed and after about being scarce for about 2 weeks finally messages me telling me she started dating someone and didn't know how to tell me (using it as a justification of why she has been so scarce). Truthfully even though it hurt a little bit that she moved on, I'm more hurt that though we were so close it seems like now she doesn't seem to value my time at all, I feel more abandoned than anything else. | My ex who is now my friend is dating someone new and it seems like she doesn't value my time at all. |
t3_268y34 | tifu | TIFU | A bit of background: I used to swing a lot growing up just hitting balls with an iron in a field and had a pretty consistent swing. I never hit a course though and there's a period of about 9 years (16 to my current age of 25) where I didn't golf at all except the odd time at the range.
So it's my second time on the golf course, a little 9 hole called Airlanes as it is situated on an airport approach. 18$ a round. I was using my friends clubs because I had outgrown the set I owned.
My swing was vastly improving through the round, specifically my drive which I had landed on fairway the last 3 holes.
Which brings us to hole number 9. I sliced my first drive hard and, it being the last hole, decided to Mulligan. I put the tee up high and lined up my shot.
The backswing felt all wrong, the club felt a bit flimsy but I stayed the course and swung forward.
The ball went about 15 yards.
The head of the driver, on the other hand, sailed a good 35. I stared in disbelief at having just destroyed my buddies 300$ driver.
My friend was all good about it and I'm going to chip-in on a replacement. But there is nothing more disconcerting than watching part of the club overshoot your ball. | newbie golfer. Outshot my own ball by breaking the driver head and watched it sail 30 yards. 300$ driver. |
t3_2fmzzf | relationships | I found the fiancé [19/F] of a guy I know [31/M] on Tinder and suspect she may be cheating. Should I tell him? Together for 1 year (Yes I know it's creepy...) | Before you start reading this, yes I know it's super creepy for a 31 yr old guy to be with a 19 yr old girl and of course it's going to end badly. She doesn't have the maturity to be married especially.
This guy, we'll call him John, has lived with this girl's parents for the past few years renting a room from them and basically acting as the girl, we'll call her Emma's, older brother. But after she turned 18 he suddenly declared his love for her and they started dating, and then 4 months later he proposed to her. So at first everything was all lovey dovey, tons of pictures of them together going on dates, etc but little by little he's disappeared from her life. They're still together and he's madly in love but she's hidden her FB relationship status and there hasn't been a pic of them together in months, lots of random guys being added on FB which she's our only mutual friend so I assume they're randoms she's meeting online somehow.
So fast forward to this morning I was browsing Tinder and came up on her profile with very current pics and activity this morning with her snapchat username publicly posted (and of course no mention of John). I took screenshots of the entire thing but I'm wondering if I should anonymously tell him via email or something. At this point I feel like a breakup is gonna be inevitable anyway based on her level of maturity and obviously she's leading him along while meeting other guys. I just wonder if I should say something or just let it go and watch it unfold on it's own. I guess the real worry is, if he somehow marries this chick and THEN all of this comes to light how much worse it will be than getting out much earlier. | 31M engaged to 19F (Creepy). She's pretty obviously cheating. Should I tell him or just let it work itself out? |
t3_1xu1i5 | relationships | Me [21M] with my ex-girlfriend [21F] of seven months, looking for advice about her being invited to spring break with mutual friends | I was in an eight month relationship with a good friend before we broke up seven-ish months ago, mainly because she was leaving for a semester abroad but also because we didn't feel as if our futures were going to align. After a little initial delay, we went no contact for the four months she was abroad. When she came back, we caught up a bit over lunch and tried to figure out how we'd interact this current semester, with the result being that I wasn't quite over her and I didn't want to be "just friends" again. Since then I see her a few times a week but we typically just ignore each other. I've been fine with all this as I think it's important for me to finish healing before I graduate and move on with my life.
Flash forward to the spring break trip I am trying to plan with my friends, they've brought up the idea of inviting her so that our numbers are even (it would be 8 people with her) and because most of the other people we've invited haven't been available. I'm not sure how I feel about this because it's weird to go from ignoring someone for nearly half a year to spending a week living in the same beach house. At the same time I'd rather not be "that guy" and strictly uninvite her, since our friends overlap quite a bit and the people who are going are certainly no more my friends than they are hers. I'm going to catch up with her again tomorrow and discuss what's going on, but I've seen lots of people get good advice from this subreddit before and I wanted to see if I could get any advice about how to handle the situation.
Thanks. | Ex-girlfriend of seven months could possibly go on spring break trip with mutual friends, trying to figure out how to handle it. |
t3_1qpxdx | relationship_advice | I [21M] want to see others but don't want to break her [22F] heart. | I've been dating the same girl for about 2 years now, and though things are still going well, I can't seem to shake my desire to be free, single, and promiscuous. When we first met, she was a virgin and had never been in a relationship whatsoever – I was her "first" in every sense and so she's extremely attached. The relationship is steady and happy; the sex is good, there is open communication, plenty of mutual attraction and a generally fun atmosphere to the whole thing.
Despite this, I've started to feel an inner conflict between my growing desire to see other people on the one hand and remain in the relationship on the other. I can't seem to shake the feeling that I should enjoy my youth by being single, meeting other people and enjoying their company while I still can. Part of this certainly comes from personal insecurity; I have a minor health problem that while non-life threatening, impairs my ability to get an erection. Most of my sexual experiences as a teenager ended in failure and embarrassment. For the time being it's not a huge problem, but I'm worried that it will grow worse in the future and hold me back from exploring sex with others.
I struggled with these feelings for a while and finally decided to tell her. I effectively said that while I am still in love with her and want to continue our relationship part of me wants to be free. She totally collapsed emotionally and cried uncontrollably for a good hour or so. We talked it over and decided to just give it some time and though, which puts me here today.
It's been about a week or two and I still can't seem to make up my mind about what to do. I still love her, I really do, but I just can't seem to shake this feeling. I feel like it's wrong to continue a relationship that I'm not 100% into, but at the same time I feel like I can't bring myself to break her heart. What should I do? | I'm in a happy, long-term relationship but want to start seeing other people. I can't shake the feeling, but am content in the relationship and don't want to break her heart. |
t3_2s0est | relationships | Me [17M] trying to get a [16F], not sure how to proceed. Any advice? | Background: This girl and I go to the same high school. This girl and I have been talking for months. We get along really well, we have similar intellects, personalities, political persuasion, etc. We have 3 classes together, but we split up for lunch so essentially we only have two classes together. For each class we're in she's the first person I go to for a conversation and vice versa.
Yesterday: I went up to her in the hallway after the last class of the day (It was a Friday) and I asked her to the movies tomorrow night. I was as nervous as all get out, damn, never been so nervous. And she said, "Not tomorrow, I have academic bowl, maybe some other time though." and I said cool and walked off. For whatever retarded reason, I didn't ask what time would be a good time.
Since then, I've felt a wide variety of emotions. At first I was ecstatic that I balls to ask and that I didn't get a no answer. Then I was happy because I felt like it was pretty much a yes answer just ask later, cool. Then I felt awkward/retarded because I was awkward and nervous when I asked her out. Then I felt like it wasn't a slam dunk as she might have been just letting me down easy (I'm constantly busy scenario).
Is she interested? I know for a fact that she had Academic Bowl (probably wasn't just making excuses). How do I ask again? How should I continue? How should I deal with these emotions until I see her again on Monday? So many questions, so sorry. | Awkwardly asked a girl out and received an "I'm busy, maybe some other time" answer. How to I continue? |
t3_ab7xd | relationship_advice | Reddit, how do you avoid falling in love? | I am seeing a girl now, who I really like. We share a lot of common interests and are both really infatuated with each other. Lately we have been seeing each other as much as possible. She has a boyfriend though, and I know if we were ever together that she would probably do the same thing to me. They have been together for a few years and even live together. As bad as it makes me feel, I really enjoy spending time with this girl.
How can I stop falling in love with this chick? I don't want to stop seeing her, I just wish I wouldn't get so emotionally attached so quickly. I feel like, although she says it isn't true, that the reason she likes me in the first place is because of the 'forbidden fruit' aspect.
This isn't the first time, either. Sometimes the feeling is mutual, sometimes I am the one who gets hurt. Any advice or past experiences to help steer me back on the right path? | I am falling in love with a girl who is beautiful, but probably bad for me in the long run. What to do? |
t3_ivl1w | AskReddit | Question regarding strange behavior in roommate | My girlfriend and I share a house with a longtime friend of hers, a really nice gal whom we both get along famously with. Thus far, things have gone swimmingly and there's been a complete lack of conflict or tension. However, we've noticed a behavior of our roommate's that is truly bizarre and has us scratching our heads. I'm wondering if anyone in the Reddit community has experienced this or has any insight as to whether it's indicative of a broader condition or just simply mind-blowing levels of laziness:
The roommate seems to have some strange hoarding tendencies or something that essentially amount to stockpiling a wide variety of items, both in the pantry and in the bathroom/around the house, without ever using up or disposing of the older "generations".
This manifests in the kitchen, where she has 4 boxes of the same cereal, all opened and unfinished, yet continues to purchase this cereal and others before the first boxes have even gone stale. Also, the same sort of pattern with tortillas, cheese (which lasts forever, so it piles up), half and half, etc. to the point where my girlfriend and I end up cleaning out the refrigerator just to make room. In the bathroom, she has 3 bottles of the same lotion and 2 bottles of the same conditioner - none are near empty, and she's started in on the brand new bottles.
So, I'm wondering if anyone's encountered this before? While it's not necessarily maddening or anything, it's a little frustrating seeing all the food go to waste and having to play housekeeper with my roommate's items. I would tend to say it's just sheer laziness, but the unwillingness to throw ANYTHING out seems a bit odd. Should I bring this up with her? | Roommate is either suffering from some hoarding tendencies or incredible laziness - should it be brought up or is this a losing battle? |
t3_scrqh | AskReddit | Redditors, who have you met on the internet who has made a huge impact on you or your life? | **Who have you met on the internet who has made a huge impact on you or your life?**
I'll start by telling you the story of how I met this one very special person who has carried me through a time of misery.
It's been an extremely tough beginning of this year for me. Out of many bad things, one of my closest relatives died and I broke up with my boyfriend. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster since December or so last year, having lost many who stood me near and being beyond pressured about school, expectations and money. Internet has been like a refugee for me. I fled into Reddit, but mainly into the game I've been playing for over 2 years now.
I met him on that game. Not *just like that* though. We've been playing the game together for at least half a year. I don't actually know for sure, since he one day was just there, always teasing me, making ironic comments. Always staying in the background, enough for me to notice him but nothing more than that. Then, a while back ago, I reached out to him. It was one of those nights when I was at the very bottom, not having anywhere to turn but to this random stranger on the internet.
We've talked every moment we possibly could since then. Since.. months ago. He puts a big smile on my face. He's the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning. The thought of him helps me get through each day. The chances are small that we'll never meet. However, no matter what happens, he'll still always be a big part of my life, having helped and still helping me get through the so-far toughest period of my life. I'm loving every second I get to spend with him, even if there's an ocean separating us. I curse that ocean every day, but there is nothing I can do about it.
Reddit.. I'm just beyond greatful for having met this guy. | Met a guy online who has carried me through the toughest period in my life so far and who also makes my day, every day. Who have you met on the internet who has made a huge impact on you or your life? |
t3_42xgap | dating_advice | [15M] She Kissed Me - She has a Boyfriend | So this is my first time posting to reddit.. It's a long read but I really need help :)
I am 15 and I'm in High School, me and this girl have been talking to each other everyday over the holidays the past 3 weeks. And I have been getting to know her. She thinks that we have pretty much everything in common.
Well problem is she has a boyfriend. I know the guy. But I'm not friends with him. He goes to my school and I know who he is. She invited me to go out to town with her group and I went with her, her boyfriend was there but I didn't think much of it as he is in her group. (FYI - she hasn't kissed him yet. And nothing really has happened with them)
A days later she came over to my house and we watched some TV. After about 2 hours we were cuddling and she was looking at me sometimes when she didn't think I could see her. Anyway, after a while she started looking at me and signalling to kiss her. I haven't really kissed a girl so after a few minutes of awkward staring she starts to kiss me and we make out for about an hour. we stop and she has to leave.
A couple hours later I text her asking her why she did it as she has a boyfriend. And she replied I don't know. She doesn't know why she did it and apparently doesn't know how she feels.
Well she seemed really intimate and the one wanting the kiss. I really like this girl. But I don't know what to do. We are talking like normal for the first few hours it was a little awkward but not anymore.
Thanks for reading I'd like some advice :) | she kissed me, has a boyfriend. I like her, don't know if she likes me. Confusion all round. :) |
t3_382nnh | relationships | Me [41 M] with my exGF [42 F] friends for 10 years, dated for 1, who went back to her exBF [51 M] | GF and I broke up last summer. Had spoken with them briefly off and on until the holidays. They suddenly cut me off. About a month after, I got a nasty three line email and a photo, telling me they couldn't be my friend because they had gotten back together with an exBF.
I was upset by the break-up and by losing the friend, but why send the email?
Has anyone else experienced this? I suspect the new-old partner is now harassing me, but can't really prove it. I don't know him except through her. I'm over the break-up, but I feel a little hurt about that email and I am extremely upset over the annoying messages reminding me he "won" I guess?
I am curious what you did or how you coped with it if someone sort of rubbed it in after the fact that you didn't measure up as a partner and they went back to the pretty classic asshole because of it. Just for clarification, they had been broken up for three or four years in between them dating and us dating. And I listened on youtube to How I earned my bitter badge this weekend and wondered if this was one of my stories. | Just wondering why someone would "rub it in" months after a breakup that they had gone back to an abusive partner? |
t3_yjzto | AskReddit | Program Idea | I didn't know where else to make this request but I had a really cool idea for a program that could potentially make someone quite a bit of money but seeing as I don't know how to program it does me know good. I was talking with my friends the other day only to find out that there were new albums for some of my favourite bands that I never knew came out or existed. Not to mention I missed a concert for a band that I had been looking forward to for a long time. Anyway, I thought it would be really cool if someone was able to make an addon to itunes that would look at your library and notify you with little alerts when an artist has a new album coming out the following week and then again when it is out etc. Another cool feature would be if you could type in your area code and it could look online to and show you a calender with announced tour dates near you. | A program that looks at your iTunes library and notifies you when an artist is touring near you and has a new album coming out (or albums you're missing) |
t3_1iqeaj | running | Getting back into running - advice, please! | I ran throughout high school and was in very good shape and was very thin. I stopped for a year and a half after and just started back up these past few months. I suffered from AWFUL shin splints then and I get them now as well, but I'm fairly used to them. However, I am heavier now and out of shape, but I'm used to being able to just get up and run, so I push myself too hard, thus causing me to spend the past 4 weeks with a stress fracture in my foot. So, I need some advice to help get back into running gradually on a plan that works well. (I have used C25K, but I still find myself running fast because I am built that way.) | Need help getting back into running without pushing myself too hard (which I did and am just now out of a boot for a stress fracture in my foot). Advice? |
t3_2io5zh | relationships | Me [23 F] with my boyfriend [28 M] for 5 years, but I can't stop thinking about my ex | I have been with my current boyfriend for about 5 years now. I am really happy with him, but lately I haven't been able to stop thinking about my ex. I was with my ex in high school and he was my first love. The last time I saw him was my senior year of high school, about 6 years ago. Of course I have occasionally thought about him throughout the years. He was my first everything...However, now it's gotten so bad that I randomly start sobbing when I think about him. I don't know what to do :( Why is this happening and what should I do?? | Can't stop thinking about my ex and it's been about 6 years, 5 of which I have been with someone else. Why and what should I do?? |
t3_2xvjm7 | relationships | Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [20 M] of 1 year, He's been cyber-stalking me the entire time. | I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. I don't really want to go into detail about our relationship in this post, that's an entirely different can of worms. To make this short and sweet, he knows everything about me. He confronts me about things I've never told him, quoting dates, times and subjects. He fully admits he follows all my activity. He reads my text messages, knows every single app I download, follows all of my Internet activity, steals and changes my passwords, and is constantly fussing at me over things that were never any of his business to begin with. He's never had access to my phone (galaxy s5), I no longer have my laptop, but somehow he's following everything I do. He says he wants to make sure I'm not cheating (we are in different states), but he's never satisfied with the idea that I'm not, so he goes through other texts, harassing me about what I talk about with my best friends. He's paranoid and is constantly telling me that our relationship is none of their business and that he "likes to lead a very private life." It's obnoxious. He expects me to not vent when things go wrong, and gets mad when I talk to my best friend. He basically tries to control me through stalking and harassment and I'm so tired of it. How do I stop this? Changing emails and factory resetting my phone doesn't work. I'm just 100% over it He would never use whatever software he's using on his own wifi, he makes sure he's miles away, always uses VPNS and whatever else. I doubt it'll stop even if we break up. He's been caught once before, he knows what to avoid doing so it doesn't happen again. I'm at a loss. I have no space from him. | My boyfriend is cyber-stalking me, openly admits to it but knows he can't get caught. How do I stop this? I doubt he'd stop even if we broke up. |
t3_4u8w5d | relationships | I [22M] suspect that my "not-yet-girlfriend" of 6 years refuses to date me since I'm not a vegan like her? [20F] | I have been in a somewhat romantic relationship with this girl for 6 years, there's kissing, there's petting, and other things like that.
After the first year she has refused to date me, and she won't tell me why. I suspect it's because I eat meat, and she is a vegan.
Is she in the right for doing this? I know I shouldn't have to change just to fit her standards, but I don't want to lose her.
There's clearly a sign of attraction and affection from both parties, but she won't be my girlfriend and she won't hold my hand either.. We don't do anything in public near others. | Girl I have been romantically involved with for 6 years refuses to be my girlfriend, probably because of a personal choice which shouldn't matter. Help? |
t3_3lw9ws | relationships | Me [25 M] with my Internet-Stranger-Maybe-GF(S) [~23F] Unsure where the line is between talking to multiple women and being a player | So I've been doing Internet dating for awhile now. I've never actually been in a relationship or gone through a full dating cycle.
I've finally been meeting with some success, but now I have a (good?) problem to have: namely I'm talking to two women who I'm relatively confident won't ghost on me.
I haven't met either of them in person, only called 1 one the phone.
I'm concerned though where the line is when I should 'commit' to just one woman. Not emotionally, but for dating and betting on finding a good relationship with them.
If I commit too soon, I'll significantly increase the time I spend talking to individuals who ghost out on me; but if I commit too late I've led someone along or otherwise hurt their feelings.
I want to do what's right, but without hurting myself. | While setting up multiple first dates on the same weekend may be OK/smart; what is an appropriate level of commitment for someone you've met from the Internet before you've had a 'relationship defining talk'? |
t3_434zjx | relationships | I (f25) had an miscarriage from an unknown pregnancy and my boyfriend (m35) is not upset at all. | My boyfriend and I are in a recently long distance relationship. I am doing work with a university 1000 miles away for a year, and we have been seeing each other about every 6-8 weeks. I assume I got pregnant during a visit in September, and I had a miscarriage during the later part of November. It was extremely painful and scary, and since I had no idea I was pregnant (I had an IUD) to begin with, my grieving process started much later.
I did not tell him about it until the next visit after it occurred. He listened, but didn't console me physically or emotionally. He basically said "that's too bad" and said he only had experience with couples who had miscarriages during planned (and wanted) pregnancies. He doesn't seem to understand how painful this is for me no matter how greatly I articulate it.
We had come to the conclusion previously that we wouldn't have a child, and I think that is affecting his reaction. He already knew we would not ever have a child so this is no big deal to him. But even though I had no idea I was pregnant, didn't plan to ever be pregnant, etc it's extremely traumatic for me and I would like his support.
How do I explain to him that he should at least comfort me and validate that I'm grieving? | my boyfriend and I previously decided not to have children but I had a miscarriage during a pregnancy I was unaware of and I am grieving and he doesn't seem to understand why. |
t3_gzt1b | AskReddit | Hey Reddit, why do partially empty pens only work on the surfaces I don't want to write on? | Because I'm in High School, I have to do a lot of writing with pens. I've always wondered why partially empty pens seem to refuse to write on the surface I need to write on, but on anything else they function just fine. It feels like this happens to me at least once a day.
Example: Today, I was writing a paper when my pen suddenly ran dry. After smashing it against the desk several times, attempting to spur the ink forward, I tested it on the corner of the page. It appeared to work fine, so then I went to continue writing my paper. However, the pen suddenly refused to work again. Testing it a second time, I drew a quick line on my finger, which worked, but the pen continued to refuse to work where I actually wanted to write. Annoyed, I jumped down a line where it continued to work just fine for the rest of the paper. | Partially used pens don't work where I want them to work, but work where I don't want them to work. Why? |
t3_2dhyvn | relationships | Me [24 M] with my GF [24 F] of 8 years, she wants to date other people | I'm at lost of what to do and I truly, truly need advice or just to vent. My GF and I have been dating for 8 years, ever since High School. She was my first, but she's dated other guys before me. We even went to the same university together. We both loved each other very much, or at least I loved her very much and still do.
I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for a past few months, and my GF was the only thing that provided me with some happiness in this cold, dark, joyless world... Because of that I've been demanding more attention from her and I was being clingy.
We've had rough patches in the past, but we always worked it out and I always believed that our relationship was stronger than ever.
Today, we were having a talk about my issues, and I asked her to be completely honest on how she feels. She told me for a while now, she's been wondering what it's like to date other guys, but she's been trying her best to keep that thought away because of how guilty she feels. She said I'm such a great boyfriend to her, and I treat her really well, and she's worried that she'll never be with someone like me. She says she's afraid she'll regret it.
I was shocked and a bit hurt. But I didn't hold it against her. I'm sure many people in healthy and strong relationships at one point wondered about what it's like to date other people. But as the conversation went on, she reached the conclusion that she **wanted** to date other people. She wanted to experience what it's like to be with other guys, and she emphasized that it was not for sexual reasons. This was like a knife that cut deep into my heart. She told me to give her 2 weeks to think it through with **NO CONTACT** because she wants to make sure what she was thinking was correct, but the anxiety is already killing me. What should I do? Where did I go wrong? | GF of 8 years says she wants to date other guys and told her to give her some time to think about it. I am devastated. |
t3_2jf0l8 | jobs | What should I know if I'm living and working in different states? | I recently moved to Lowell (northern MA) from my hometown in southern Mass. I had a full time job close to my hometown but driving for over 2 hours a day to get there from my new place was stressful and costly (10 year old Jeeps don't get good mileage). Once I had savings and some interviews lined up, I took a risk and quit. My last day was Friday.
Yesterday I had an interview 20 minutes away in Nashua NH and after the background check, they want to offer me the job! I'm really excited (and relieved). After 90 days, I'll be hired full time with benefits, a flexible schedule, and start to get a certification in dog training and possibly grooming.
Now, how will living in MA and working in NH affect things like income tax and benefit eligibility? I don't want to be clueless when April rolls around and I have to file my first tax report as an independent. I've heard that working and living in different states can be difficult/complicated. I would really appreciate any advice or to hear from anyone who has been in this situation! | I'm living in MA and was offered a job in NH. What do I need to know about working out of state? |
t3_1ylot7 | relationships | Me [17 M] with my girlfriend [17F] of *3 months*, having depression issues. | First off, we are unofficially dating.
We are christians, and her parents are very strict with her. I would love too ask her out, and make it official, but she requests I have her parents permission.
I have known her for ~5 months. I say we have been "dating" for 3 months because thats when things got serious. We are in love. I will marry this girl. She has saved me from many heart-breaks. And many other, more personal, things.
Just recently we have fought, and are often depressed. We usually always want to help each other, but sometimes, I just dont want to talk, and she insists. Sometimes, she could be depressed for hours, I help her through it, and 15 minutes after, I begin feeling depressed.
She says things along the lines of, "Why are we together if neither of us can keep each other happy?" But when asked if she'll do anything, she always says no.
I always ask myself if I really deserve this girl. Shes always so good to me.
Then today, we were together for about 5 hours. I felt lonely, and distanced from her, even with her hand in mine. At one point, I thought of killing myself, I literally pulled my hand away from her because I felt so bad. I am trying to make decisions on what to do with my life. Sometimes, I thing killing myself is 10 times easier than making them. College, or military. I am even having a hard time deciding if I should go to Disney with my school's marching band. I feel pressured to make money later in life to be able to support her and my family. I have a very hard time handling life(maybe?).
I would hate to lose this girl. | Am I over-reacting? Should I let things fly? Should I ask some closer people for help? Or maybe a mediator in our relationship? |
t3_2lxjiu | relationships | Me [21F] with my BF [22 M] 1 year, anger and depression driving us apart | My BF and I have been together for a little over a year and I don't know if I am just afraid of commitment or if these are actual problems.
He suffers from severe depression and anxiety; he takes medication, but some days are better than others. I understand that this happens, it isn't his fault that he has a mental disease and he doesn't want to be this way, so why do I get so annoyed sometimes when he slips into a funk and pushes me away? When he gets really depressed he takes it out on me or pushes me away for days or weeks at a time. I've tried to be understanding, but I feel like I put so much more effort into this relationship than he does.
I always order his prescriptions and schedule his doctor's appointments and I feel like I take his condition much more seriously than he does. I don't want to be his mom, I want to be his girlfriend. I need romance and attention. I shouldn't have to be on the back-burner, right?
How do you move forward in a relationship with someone with a severe mental disease? I love him so much, but I don't know if I can keep doing this if he doesn't give me back anything. | Boyfriend suffers from severe depression/anxiety. How do we move forward if I take his condition more seriously than he does? |
t3_3ynzy9 | relationships | My [22M] girlfriend's [22F] parents invited themselves on our New Year's Eve date. | So a little background is necessary. My girlfriend is half Iranian, other half American. Let's call her Sara. Her dad is Iranian and her mom is from Virginia. Her mom and dad are very conservative. Her mom has even accused Sara of being too liberal. They have family in town, Sara's cousin from Iran who now teaches in the US. Sara and I planned a New Year's Eve trip to the large city of our area, where we plan to get dinner, have a beer, and watch the ball drop. I received a text from Sara this morning informing me that her parents had invited themselves and her cousin on our date. Now this would bar most of the activities we have planned from occurring. We can't get a beer, I can't vape (I get it, I vape), we probably will not be able to go where we had plans to go. Now I respect her parents and what they have done to raise her. But it annoys me that they do this because Sara refuses to stand up to them all the time. She does live in their house, so she has to obey their rules, and I respect and understand that. This is just annoying though. She will not speak to them or her cousin to tell them we had a date planned and it honestly makes me a little upset. | girlfriends parents invited themselves to come with us on our New Year's Eve date, girlfriend will not tell them we had a date planned. |
t3_2iggoa | relationships | I [20M] am having trouble coping with my girlfriend [19F] of 6 months' ex, but should I be concerned? | Recently, my girlfriend has been talking to her ex who has dated her twice the past couple of years and was the recent break off before she started dating me. He dumped her, and now regrets it. She had no problem telling me, and her attitude is more or less like, "sorry, your loss. I'm happy with who I am with now."
I know I shouldn't be worried based on that alone, but they still interact with each other online and texting. It unsettles me a bit every time. She's not one to cheat, she's been cheated on and is completely loyal. On top of making our relationship work with our time now, this is like that fly buzzing around that just gets annoying. I don't really know how to handle myself while this is going on, knowing that he still wants to be with her. | My gf and her ex are talking again, admits he still wants to be with her but she turns the other way, yet still talks to her. How should I feel/what should I do about this? |
t3_12hdws | relationship_advice | A long time friend [22F] of mine has recently expressed interest in having sex with me [22M], my girlfriend [26F] is super protective and totally predicted this. | So I [22M] have been friends with this girl [22M] for about two years and we always kind of flirted, but neither of us really pursued it. Well I recently met my SO [26F] through a local business, and we hit it off pretty well. She's had a rough past and has been cheated on multiple times, so naturally she is very paranoid/overprotective. She says She trusts me, just not the other girl.
So. I've been very understanding, and I have stopped hanging out with this girl and we very rarely text either. However, it came up recently that she is very much interested in me, and even invited me to her dorm to study. I was very cautious and refused. And she said, and I quote, "What you don't want to have sex?"
**SO**, no matter what I'm going to stop talking to the other girl until she can control her behavior, but my question Reddit, is should I tell my girlfriend this happened or handle it on my own? | SO is overprotective concerning a girl friend, I don't think it's a big deal. Other girl wants to jump my bones, I've cut off communications, but do I tell SO this happened? |
t3_3ac741 | relationships | My [34M] friend[37M] just decided to divorce his wife [34F] basically for another woman | I'm gonna try and write this as objectively as I can.
He (R) messaged this to me and a few other friends today that he's divorcing his wife (H). They've been married for about 4 years and have 2 kids aged 2 and 4.
I talked to him about it in person earlier this evening and he said basically that he felt like he was losing more and more of himself every day, that it was tiring him out and that he felt more and more tense whenever he'd be at home together with his wife.
The reasons for this were he said that she's got many issues (not sure if I'm translating this correctly...) She's got Crohn's disease and she's got it pretty badly, so she's not got a lot of energy. In addition she's got some form and amount of autism (I don't know where in the spectrum) and she's a perfectionist.
This made him feel that despite putting in a ton of effort, working overtime, missing sleep to help take care of the kids etc. and that his effort's aren't appreciated.
All this is making him tired and stressed. 2 weeks ago he went to a LARP weekend where he started talking to a young woman(21). They hit it off wonderfully and they had sex during that event and he's been texting her ever since. He says he's fallen madly in love with her and sees this as a wakeup call because he's now suddenly realizing how terrible he feels in his marriage.
I'm thinking that he's treating his wife incredibly unfairly because A. Cheating on her. B. Blaming his wifefor the problems in the relationship, making the choice of breaking it off without giving her a chance to work out their problems.
It's all very fresh off the press, but I'm trying to push him to go to see a relationship therapist in order to help the two of them to salvage their marriage.
I'd like your thoughts on all this, and any tips or advice you can all give me.
Note that when suggestion help lines or therapists, we are in Europe not the USA. | Friend meets new woman by chance, has a fling and falls in love. Sees that he's unhappy in his current relationship and decides to end it. |
t3_23jm2w | tifu | TIFU by taking my boat out when it wasn't ready. | The boat is a 12 foot alumacraft with a 1985 7.5 hp merc outboard engine. I bought the boat last fall and only took it out once before putting it away for winter. It ran great the first time I took it out before winter.
Today the ice was finally off the lake and I was anxious to get out fishing. I know that it might have trouble starting since it was stored all winter, but was optimistic. I got the boat to the ramp and was ready. With oar, which was actually a snow shovel, starter fluid, a life jacket and extra gas in hand I set off. I untied the boat from the trailer. Then I got the engine started, but it couldn't idle or keep revs. I tinkered with it for a bit, but still wouldn't run. At this point I thought this isn't going to work I should get back to the ramp, but I look up and I am about 100 yards away. Now I said okay I will just row back. Turned out the wind was blowing away from the boat ramp and I could not paddle hard enough to get back. After being stranded for about fifteen minutes a man in another boat came by to tow me back. The cherry on top of the cake was when the handle for the winch to get the boat on the trailer broke. I had to man handle the boat on the ramp wadding in about forty degree water. | Took boat out on the lake, and engine wouldn't start. Wind was too strong couldn't paddle back to boat ramp. Nice man with another reliable boat towed me in. |
t3_2o26up | relationships | I [21M] am more invested than my girlfriend [21F]. How do I handle this? | We've been dating for about 8 months now. She's amazing and everything I look for in a partner - I love her and we're planning to move in together this June. The problem is she's much more invested than I am. She consistently texts me, will reply back to my text within the minute, and seems to always be free. She doesn't have a whole lot of a personal life or many hobbies. It makes it hard for me to have some time to myself or with my friends, and I fear this will only worsen when we move in together. How do I approach the issue? | Girlfriend is amazing for me - think she's "my one". She's more invested in the relationship than me, how do I approach it? |
t3_2glnse | relationships | Me [26F] with guy [31M] for a few months, ended it out of the blue. | I had been seeing someone for a few months this summer. Thought it was going well. He continually referred to the future, said he felt close to me, excellent chemistry (initiated by him more than me), dates/communication initiated by him 95% of the time, talk of meeting friends/family, said he wanted to take me to NYC, etc.
Last week goes out of town. Over the week I get multiple texts (initiated by him) etc. using terms of endearment, etc. Once back, on Friday, he flirtatiously says he wanted to come over tomorrow (Saturday) night. He had plans Friday, but said we would grab a lunch Saturday afternoon and then plan from there.
Cue Satuday afternoon, haven't heard anything. I reach out, trying to figure out what's going on. Over text message, I'm told "something is missing from the equation, he's been mulling it over and he wishes it wasn't missing." Then I'm told "It's not like I don't have feelings for you." Then, after some time passes, we should be friends.
Apart from the realizations I've made over the past few days about how shitty of a person he clearly was and how I missed some fairly obvious signs of narcissim and self-involvement, what's up with that? It's one thing when the guy starts to pull away - you can look back and recognize it was coming. But I was blindsided here - literally the night before everything seemed just the way it always was and positive. Looking for any ideas/perspective. | Did I mis something? What causes a guy to plan a whole afternoon/evening date the night before and the next day pull the plug? |
t3_3e6y5u | relationships | Me [36 M] with my wife [36 F] of 12 years, she's let herself go and its killing her, and our relationship. | I've been with my wife for 18 years, married for 12. We have 2 great kids (8 and 5) and get along great, but she has completely let herself go (IE - gaining weight and not giving a damn). This is completely killing her energy levels, her libido and (I hate to say it, but) my attraction level to her as well. I really must sound shallow with that last part, I still love her with all my heart, and I want to help her. She's sending herself to an early grave the way she's going. She pays lip service about wanting to do better, but never actually does anything. I've asked her to workout with me, but she says she couldn't do what I do (I'm doing T25, and there is a modifier), so I offered to just go for walks every day, she says no time for that. She says she's stressed because she's working (teacher) and doing her Master's at the same time, and I know that's a lot, but I did the same thing 3 years ago and wasn't this stressed out about it.
I just don't know what to do here, I feel like if I say something, I'll get the "so you think I'm fat" response and she'll just shut down or go stress eat some more. I'll gladly accept any suggestions on how to approach this topic and see if we can get this turned around. Short of having an intervention, I don't know what else to do. | Wife has completely let herself go, and its killing her and our relationship, I don't know what to do to help/snap her out of this. Please help! |
t3_28zfqd | relationships | I'm [23F] having trouble sleeping with my SO [23M] when he's constantly moaning and jerking off in his sleep | We've been dating for over three years and for the most part he is wonderful. In the past year or so every time I stay over at his place or he stays over at mine I can't sleep properly because he's always moaning (loud enough to hear his moaning in another room) and jerking off in his sleep (just to clarify he doesn't reach an orgasm and come all over the place in his sleep but he'll be stroking his dick all throughout the night). Some days it gets really unbearable not only because it wakes me up several times a night but it also chips away at my self-confidence as I'm exposed to him dreaming of others and having these fantasies on a regular basis.
I don't know how to approach it rationally. I find myself losing my cool a lot and I don't want to get mad at someone I love for having a sex dream. We've talked about it and he just rolls his eyes and assures me he doesn't want anyone else and tells me not to get angry at him over stuff he does in his sleep. Any advice? | BF strokes his dick in his sleep and moans on a nightly basis. I can't sleep and I'm losing my cool regularly. |
t3_2lcqh6 | Pets | Kitten playful or aggressive with the older cat ? | Hi all, first post here for my first problem with my first cats (I hope my english is good enough to explain myself)!
So, 6 months ago a stray cat chose us as her new family, she is probably two years old. She's very friendly, we set up a box outside our home with a pillow and a blanket and since she sleeps and eat here, but she wander around for the most part of the day (we live in a rural area, not in a city).
A couple of months after her, a very small kitten showed up, she was meowing like crazy because she was hungry, we feed her and she chose us too.
The two cats seemed to get along well, they even slept together in the same box and licked each other, but we had a problem with the food bowl. We placed two bowl side by side, but the kitten always ended up eating where and when the first cat was eating, pushing her away.
They still sleep outside, but winter is coming! The kitten now stays almost always inside the house, the first cat still wander around but she want to stay inside more.
**Here's the problem**: the kitten now "attacks" often the older cat, which is normally very very quiet if left alone, but hiss and "slaps" the kitten when she jumps over her. I don't think the kitten wants to harm the older one, it seems playful, but this situation can't go on like this.
What should we do ???
Thanks for your advice! | Fostered two stray cats a couple of month apart, after a first good phase, the new one attacks the old one |
t3_2qi10t | relationships | This girl [18f] is messing with my [22m] head. | Not really sure where else to post this. I'm on the dating site POF. Figured I'd give it a shot and see who was available in my area. I saw this really cute girl on there so I decided to message her, to my surprise she messaged back. We talked for a bit but I kept getting the vibe I was bothering her. Maybe she wasn't much of a texter, not sure? I asked. She insisted I wasn't and said she wanted to talk to me.
Days go on and we've been talking back and forth for a bit, but still I get the feeling she's not into it. I decide to fade a bit and she keeps talking, okay. So I finally decide I'm going to ask for her number but she doesn't reply. A full day after seeing she had been on plenty of times, I reply back saying I won't bother her any more. She replies back at 2 am saying sorry she fell asleep, and gives me her number.
I decide to text her, but no reply. That was my last straw I stopped messaging her on everything haven't heard from her since. Now today my phone goes off "x wants to meet you!" It's POF notifying me that this same girl clicked on the "meet me" section on POF and where it asks if she wants to meet me, with a picture from my profile, she clicked yes.
What gives? I mean, yeah she's 18 and 18 year old girls are 9 times out of 10 immature and don't know what they want, but come on. | girl is playing hot and cold, insists she wants to talk, won't reply to my text then clicks yes on wanting to meet me on my dating profile. Not sure what to make of it. |
t3_1j4fh9 | relationship_advice | [18/M] I don't like the future I see with [19/F] | Gotta start with the "on mobile" disclaimer. Expect typos.
I've been dating this girl for just over 5 months. I love her, a whole lot, but I fear that the few differences we have are enough to not only destiny our relationship, but mess up any future we might have should we stay together.
I'm agnostic. I am a logical (to a fault) person and firmly believe in scientific explanation for life, evolution and that any religion could be right. I've been as such for a long time and have thoroughly accepted that I am "condemned" according to the religious right, for not worshipping.
Now why is this all relevant? Because she is quite religious. Raised LCMS, she believes in the Christian God, goes to church most Sundays and believes in certain conditions for getting into heaven. Conditions I do not meet.
Again, why is this so relevant? Why does it matter? Over the years, I have learned to shrug off the condemnation. It doesn't effect me. They don't define me and they could certainly be wrong.
But I've never had to deal with it from someone so close. Now I have to face it constantly and it hurts. To love and be loved by someone who worships a God that would have me burn for eternity. Who would sooner see me, someone devoted to doing good, damned than those far worse, simply for not being willing to acknowledge her God.
But beyond being hurt, it scares me. Should we stay together and have children, I fear they would grow attached to her beliefs and come to hate their own father. Not to mention the ignorance (young earth, dismissal of logic, antigay mentality) that would be bred from this style of thinking.
I fear my decision has already been made, but I want some outside opinions. Not only that, but some ideas on how to address the issues I have without coming across as a judgmental asshat.
Feel free to ask for more information. | Religious GF, not religious me. I'm scared what our differences mean for the future and that may kids may grow to hate me. |
t3_2wt38w | relationships | Me [24 F] with my boyfriend [28M ], he won't throw away any of his junk. | Just moved in with my boyfriend into a new apartment with very little storage space. He has about 10x the amount of things that I do, including clothes, books, workout equipment, etc. All of his crap is currently piled up along the wall of our new place and it's driving me insane. He has far too many things and whenever I talk to him about cutting down on his things he either avoids the question or gets defensive. 75% of his clothes he doesn't wear, the majority of the books he'll never read (I get it, I was an English major, I love books and I understand their sentimental value, but we're talking old textbooks and random novels I've never heard of and he's never read), 3 fishing rods and he's never gone fishing once since I've known him...the list goes on and on. I asked him if he could get rid of maybe one of the goddamn fishing rods, he said no. He even has a huge collection of a bunch of his childhood things, like children's books, that are just taking up space in our place. I'm a reading teacher and I asked him if I could bring them to my students to use but he flat out refused. I brought up the idea of a storage unit but he doesn't want to pay for one. Basically, he's stubborn as hell and hates being told what to do, but I'm at my wits end. I just spent half of my day putting his books on bookshelves getting annoyed at how frivolous the majority of them are. I knew that if I put them away he would NEVER go through them and sort them out so I left the rest of them in suitcases.
Maybe I'm the least sentimental person alive, but I feel like a lot of his things have to go, especially a lot of his childhood shit. In my mind if you don't use it, it has no purpose. How do I get him to get rid of all of this crap? Is there a better way to go about this or bring it up, or am I being cold and unreasonable? | just moved into a new place with my SO, he has a lot of things that he doesn't use that he won't get rid of. How do I get him to clean through and cut down on his things? |
t3_1u14cu | relationships | Me [21 M/F] with my BF[23 M/F] of 1 month, Should I talk to him about my insecurities, or will it scare him away? | Relatively new relationship. I'm crazy about him, I'm pretty sure he's crazy about me. But I tend to be a paranoid parrot. I'm so scared that he's going to change his mind and decide that he doesn't like me anymore.
Thing is, I'm a relatively confident person. I know I'm a catch, but i can't stop these thoughts from coming, particularly when he doesn't call me/text me for 1-2 days. The lack of communication eats away at me and I start wondering...has he lost interest? I get really depressed and don't want to do anything except sit by the phone and wait for his phone call. It's a horrible habit, I know, but I can't help it.
I'm thinking of telling him how I feel, because I'm all about open communication. But I don't want him to think I'm a clingy, insecure girlfriend. I know that's a turnoff. But I can't help how I feel. Do you think I should bring this up with him? | I'm a fatalist, and when he doesn't call me for 2 days, I start thinking the worst and it eats away at me. Should I tell him this, or will he think I'm insecure and clingy? |
t3_gfv4q | dating_advice | Help a clueless sista out! | I'm 31/F.* My history with dating usually goes one of two ways:
1. Meet a guy. Both parties are interested, but due to my not being aggressive enough (or just not knowing how to show interest?) I end up in the friend zone.
2. Meet a guy. Both parties are interested, but he's really aggressive. I like the attention, but only for a little while. I break it off because they turn out to be needy.
My last relationship was a #2 (double entendre, see what I did there?) and, at a year and a half, it was the longest relationship I'd ever been in. I was miserable. He was needy, controlling and verbally abusive. It was a nightmare. I broke up with him over a year ago and things have slowly gone back to being awesome. I've gone on a few dates but not with the intention of finding something serious.
Enter: Cute Guy, Age 36/M (obvs)
Cute Guy is a friend of a friend who I met on two separate occasions before giving him my number. The first time, he came up to introduce himself as I was leaving a party. I was in a hurry to leave, though, so we didn't talk for long. He later admitted on our first date that he had been trying all night to work up the courage just to come and say hi to me, which I thought was just the cutest thing ever.
In the past 2 weeks we've gone out on two dates and one night we just stayed in, had dinner and watched some tv. First date was great. There seemed to be a bit of flirting near the end. Each date after that seemed to be drifting into the "just friends" territory.
Every time we've gone out, it always starts with me texting him to ask him out and him gladly accepting.
My concern is this:
I really like this guy, but I'm afraid of once again ending up in the friend zone. Am I just overthinking this and being paranoid? I'm clueless and awkward when it comes to things like this. Any advice would be much appreciated. | Gone on a few dates with nice, cute guy. Afraid of ending up in the friend zone. HALP! |
t3_1021nx | AskReddit | Have you ever had a cosmic level "fuck me, right?" moment? Where it seems the universe is trying to screw you? | Has anyone else had a moment or realization that feels like the whole universe is conniving just trying to screw you over in some way insignificant or otherwise NOT life altering? Where the only response you can muster is to mutter angrily under your breath? Please share.
I personally don't like being alive all that much and would really rather end it (I have my reasons for this - not here to discuss them). That said, I'm neither narcissistic enough nor "woe is me" enough to off myself while I have loved ones alive to suffer a death in the family. This doesn't seem that bad, I mean my folks can't live forever and none of my friends are really expecting to live that long. All grand and easy, except I have younger siblings, two in grade school and a baby sister -who I essentially raised for the first year of her life- and while I don't want to outlive them I don't want to die on them either. Then an even younger cousin. My friends and I are really close, then what if my friends have kids? Or my kid siblings have kids?
Today I thought about that and ran some numbers, and that is the "fuck me" moment. The really important ones (the kids) could live to see 100+ if scientific statements today are to be taken at face value, that's at least 99 more years for the youngest to even reach 100. Ninety-nine more years. I will either have to let them down by getting killed by something or have to deal with a potential 99 years before I have to suffer losing them before I get to die without hurting someone. Fuck, grandkids. Fuck me. | I'm going to have to live for over 100 years at least for no one to be sad when I'm gone. |
t3_11730n | relationships | My wife and I are ALWAYS the initiators when trying to get together with our friends. Late-20's/early-30's | My wife and I have several friend-couples we enjoy hanging out with. All are married, some have kids. Most of the time, we see them in large group settings like watching football or playing poker. My wife and I prefer to hang out with people in smaller settings, like just four of us having dinner or something. Other couples claim to want this too, often saying "we should hang out sometime!" to us as the football party/poker game breaks up.
Thing is, it's always us who call/email people to see if they want to hang out, and I do mean always. Not once in the last year or so have any of our friends initiated meeting up. The kid-free couples are no different than the couples who do have kids. The people we've known forever are no different than the people we just met a couple months ago.
We do end up hanging out with our friends, but only after **we** ask them if they want to hang out. Nobody ever asks us.
When we get together with people, we have shitloads of fun, with everyone saying "we should do this more often" as we're walking to our cars. But then... nothing. If my wife and I didn't make the calls and send the emails, we'd have no social life at all. We would really like it, and jump at the chance, if our friends asked us to hang out, but they never do. Never, and I'm not exaggerating.
I don't know what to think, and we (my wife and I) don't know what to do. We feel like we're annoying people by asking them if they'd like to go out without them ever asking us the same. We're wondering if our friends really like us as much as they claim to.
Is anyone else in this situation? Is anyone in the OPPOSITE situation, where you're always the invitees rather than the inviters? | my wife and I always invite our friends to do things, nobody ever invites us; should we take the hint or just roll with it? |
t3_3kbwkn | tifu | TIFU by waiting for an ex girlfriend at a rave because I was exhausted | So two days ago I was at a rave and had been partying for about 6 hours at this point dancing and shit like that. I was exhausted and really needed to sit down. My girlfriend wanted to go back and dance more but a few of the people wanted to wait until this girl got back and then we go back to the show. This girl happened to be my ex. But I dated her in grade 5 and I am now in grade 12. So 7 years has past and I didn't even really remember at the time that I had dated her because I didn't date her for long. My girlfriend got really pissed that I was waiting for my ex and ended up being mad for the rest of the rave and the rest of the night at the hotel. She is still mad that I did wait for her and thinks I love her and want to be with her when I said "I'm exhausted I'm just going to wait till this girl gets back cus I'm to tired" | tired at a rave. Girlfriend got very mad because I waited for my ex because I was tired. She is still mad. |
t3_48akna | loseit | Can I build muscle while losing weight? | Hey folks!
24/f/5'2" - SW 151lbs/ CW 146lbs/ GW 120lbs
So I know diet is above all the biggest factor in weight loss, but exercise can aid in that goal. I'm just a bit confused on this...
When reading about exercise helping with weight loss , a lot talk about incorporating cardio and lifting weights as they both are beneficial.
But can I expect to see some muscle growth when I'm still eating a deficit. I read a lot about needing to eat a ton to gain muscle so should I ease up on the weights and focus on cardio?
My diet goes as follows, 1,200 calories a day. 50c 30p 20f
Should I adjust my macros if I want to gain muscle while also losing weight? Should I forget about gaining muscle for now and focus on losing first?
I'm definitely not muscle-less now, I have super strong legs and a tiny bicep happening haha. I want to look strong and have some definition! Still have quite a bit of flab to take care of though. | My main goal is weight loss but I also do cardio and lift weights. Can I build muscle while losing weight or should I put focus on losing and look into gains later? |
t3_ptxu9 | dating_advice | I'm an introverted girl who has trouble talking to others. | My mother was really overbearing and protective of me to the point where she wouldn't allow me to hang out with other girls (no boys) unless they are Asian or White (and even then, she has to meet the parents). This led to me giving up on friendships and I grew up very reclusive. Fast forward to college; I'm away from my mother and I suddenly have a ton of freedom. And crushes. But every time, I can't even initiate a conversation. My first relationship started on a fluke, but it died after 1.5 weeks and I later found out he was an asshole. I didn't try dating again after that, but I really like this girl in my class. She seems to be into some of the things I'm into and I can't help but try to look at her during class.
I know she may not be Bi/Lesbian/Queer, but I still would at least like to get to know her as a friend. I wouldn't push it any more than that, but I can't get over my shyness of even talking to her or anyone else. I can't even hold up a proper conversation! So Redditors, how do you get over introverted tendencies or crippling shyness? | Girl is very introverted and shy. Art college is awesome. But still can't even talk to people she likes. How do I get over shyness? |
t3_341108 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] 1 year and 5 months, no sex for a couple of weeks | We are not having sex anymore and that bothers me a lot more than i would care to admit. It started roughly around November-December 2014 when she kind of stopped having sex with me for unknown reasons. We used to have sex at least 2 times a week and she was sexual most of the times.
When we had sex:
-1 time at the beginning of November
-31December-1January(she was kind of drunk. Sadly)
-1 March
-14 March (after some attempts she gave in but she stopped me before i could finish)
And that's pretty much it from November until this day.
When i want to make a move and get her turned on she tells me that she is tired, not shaved, she does not want to miss a scene from a movie, she just wants me to sit still. I tried to talk about this thing once but her final answer was that the shaving part takes too long or is painful and i have to accept that.
Another thing that makes me question myself is that she says that when we have sex she feels pain during intercourse. I spend time on foreplay (30-40 minutes)and I only go in when she says she is ready. I never had this problem before but before November she never said a word about this pain.
I don't know what else to say. Feel free to ask anything you want.
Edit1:Forgot to mention something.We are bearly kissing.When i try to kiss her she turns her cheek or forhead instead... | My girlfriend of 1 year and 5 months does not want to have sex with me anymore for no reason. How can I get through this? |
t3_2f6hbn | askwomenadvice | How would you feel if an ex male friend wanted to be friends again? I (22M) am thinking about restarting a friendship with 24F. | Hey I could use your perspective: like most of you I am a student in college. I became good friends with a girl I met at uni. We went out a lot together and texted each other a lot. Overall, a normal friendship.
Over our three year friendship I developed unwanted feelings for her. During this time she was in a long distant relationship so I never made a move on her. I assumed she had good taste in men and was dating a good guy, and I didn't think it was my place to try and ruin that. I was content to be her friend.
She eventually broke up with her boyfriend. I tried to give her some time to deal with the break up but eventually I made my feelings clear toward her. She rejected me but stated that she'd like to remain friends. At this point the story probably sounds like a typical "friendzone" story on Reddit but I want to make it clear that I don't hold anything against her. It's not her fault for not finding me attractive and she had every right to reject me. Anyway, I tried to remain friends with her, because I still liked her as a person, but after two months the friendship became something I couldn't handle. I took Reddit's typical advice in a situation like this and I broke off ties with her. I told her I'd like to end our friendship. She said she understood but expressed interest that we should make contact in a year to keep in touch. I agreed.
After a year with no contact had passed I contacted her to see how she was doing. We've been chatting back and forth since then, and now I kinda want to restart the friendship and go back to the way things were, and I'm thinking about telling her this. My question is, how would you feel if one of your ex male friends wanted to restart your friendship? What would you think? Would you be appalled? Glad? Am I stepping out of line?
Thank you for your input! | I asked out a friend and got rejected. I broke off the friendship but a year has passed and I'd like to be friends again. |
t3_v67a9 | relationships | How can I make my BF stop saying a word that I hate! | Gawd I feel ridiculous even posting this, but here it goes.
Me [30 F], Him [37 M]
I have been going out with this supersweet guy for about 2 months. He is fantastic and I am very happy in the relationship so far.
However, there is one thing which annoys me to no end. That is when he uses the word "snotty", as in full of mucus. For example a while ago I was sick and he commented that I sounded quite snotty, and then he was sick some weeks later and was complaining about being snotty. I don't know what it is about that word but it makes me want to scream! I have other words I hate (e.g. "moist") but thankfully they do not usually come up in day-to-day conversation. I am scared that if we stay together and have children, the word "snotty" is going to be cropping up all the time since young kids are often sick and so on. So I need this to stop but I don't even know how to bring it up!
This probably seems like a really minor problem that could be handled very easily by most people, but the issue is that I have very poor social skills, and very unconfrontational and non-assertive. He is also really sensitive I think, and I fear he would take it personally. I was thinking of bringing it up in a fun way, and ask him what words he hates (if any) and then I could mention the words I hate, including snotty! But would that be too obvious? Am I just being ridiculous about the whole thing? | My BF keeps using the word "snotty". I hate that word so much and if I hear it one more time I am going to scream. How can I make him stop staying it? |
t3_2jplk0 | jobs | 18 Years Old UK - Should I go Self-Employed or Take a HUGE promotion? | Dear all,
I apologise in advance for my bad grammar / formatting, English was never my strong point.
Anyhoo - I'm 18, living in England and I work in IT. I did a Level 3 apprenticeship in IT at 16 and got hired full time as a Technician at a local Academy aged 17. I'm now 18 and recently handed in my notice as I want to try going self-employed in both IT contracting and maintenance / repairs.
As a technician I am on £15,000ish per annum pre tax, and self employed I predict to be at around the £25,000 per annum pre tax. The issue came today, when speaking to my boss. He asked if I would stay for some extra wages, I declined but he continued to ask me if I would consider it if I was on our old Deputy Network Managers wage of around £23-25k pre tax.
The job itself is not great. We are understaffed (Our deputy network manager left fairly recently and senior management are taking their time to replace him) we are overworked and we are pushed to our maximum day in day out. As a junior techy, I was able to push all of the frustration to my boss, but as a deputy on more money I would be required to take some of it on the chin.
Do you guys think it would be worth taking the chance and agreeing to come back and work for the £23k-25k a year rather than going self employed? | Worked in IT for 12 months @ 15k, have the chance to keep a stressful job for 25k or go self employed with no guarantee of being successful. |
t3_2sflcv | personalfinance | High interest car payments | My girl friend purchased a 2013 nissan versa from a nissan dealership last year with a 20 % interest rate under her dad's name. she pays 400 a month for the payments and recently due to circumstances she cant afford the payment any more. If she gets her dad to agree is there any way she could return the car to the dealership she got it from to trade it in for an older cheaper car? or could she just trade it into a used car dealership and they'll let her trade it in for a different one?
any other options? | cant afford car payments anymore can i trade it in for a cheaper car even though it hasn't been payed off yet? |
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