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t3_3xu6ec | relationships | I [18F] am falling out of love with my long-distance [21M] boyfriend. | We have been together for a little over a year entirely through long distance. I'm nearly 18, he's nearly 21, and I don't know if I love him anymore.
I have plans for my life- I've already graduated high school and am looking at cosmetology school next year, but he seems to have no will to get a job or go to college or do, well, anything. He still lives with his father and has been very distant lately because they are in the process of moving.
I know for a fact part of me doesn't want to hurt him but I am tired of not being happy. I am also pretty damn afraid of being alone. | Boyfriend has no motivation to create a life for himself, and I'm not sure I love him anymore. What should I do? |
t3_1mp0f8 | relationship_advice | [18/m] Has asperger's. needs help with [17/f] | Hey everyone. So, as I trust most of you can read, I'll just plunge into things.
So, I am an aspie. I have a crush on 17 year old female-type. I am concerned about causing awkward situations and animosity towards me being present. For example, I was talking to this lovely female today, but I wasn't sure if I was being too attached by following her around and talking to her (with her consent) during free period. She seems to enjoy my presence once I talk to her, but my inability read body language is my downfall. I don't know if she has any interest in pursuing some sort of relationship with me, and I don't know if I am being really awkward or creepy around her. | aspie can't do social things. Please explain if I am being awkward and creepy, and if she might have Internet in me. |
t3_1f3gvv | relationships | Girl I'm getting to know but not dating (21) is paranoid she's "done something wrong" whenever I (20) don't respond to a text or answer the phone | We have known each other for about 7 months and have been hanging out on and off, although it has become more frequent lately This has happened a few times in the past but just recently happened last night. We both go to the same school in Portland, OR and Friday she was supposed to go up to Seattle for the weekend. I made plans with some friends for the weekend, knowing she would be gone. She ends up not going to Seattle but I'm busy because I thought she would be out of town. I'm hanging out with my friends and she tried to call and text but I don't look at my phone often in social situations. I missed her calls and texts and wake up this morning to 5 texts and 6 missed calls and 3 voicemails. She essentially begs me to tell her what she's done wrong or what has caused me to ignore her. Nothing she has done caused me to not respond but she is convinced it was her fault. This is the fourth or fifth time this has happened and it really annoys me that she gets this way when we aren't together. She really wants to date but I'm overwhelmed by what she does. | Girl who I've been seeing frequently for the past couple months but not dating gets paranoid when I don't talk to her. The clingy-ness really bothers me. She wants to date but I don't for these reasons. |
t3_1i8i7o | loseit | Down 47 pounds in about 3 months. | So I found this subreddit through r/fitness, and thought that I should share my story in hopes of helping others out.
A few months back I weighed 255 pounds at 6'2. This is the heaviest I have ever been. I was extremely out of shape at this point also, and was eating fast food on a daily basis. My now ex girlfriend had started exercising and dieting and kept pushing me to do the same. So I downloaded the Myfitnesspal app and started counting calories and eliminating fast food and soda. She ended up breaking up with me about 2 weeks into this, at which point I had lost about 10 pounds.
Post breakup, I fell into a depression for a week or two, and hardly eat anything, but once I started recovering emotionally I went to my local gym and signed up for a membership. I began working out a few nights a week (work all day) and kept my diet going. I've focused mainly on cardio, running 3 or so nights a week and strength training 1 or 2 nights a week. When I started running it took me about 13-14 minutes to go a full mile. This past Monday I ran an hour nonstop, clocking in at 7.5 miles. As of this morning I weigh 208 pounds, and am currently waiting to go to MEPS for the US Air Force.
My biggest motivator in all honesty was my ex girlfriend. I felt I had to show her I could change my ways. As time went on though I started to realize I wanted to get in shape for myself. Since losing weight my confidence is much higher, and I finally did something I had always wanted to do and enlisted in the military. When I realized I was within the necissary height and weight range to enlist I was ecstatic. I finally saw all the progress I had made. | counting calories, losing ex, and lots of cardio allowed me to lose 47 pounds in a little less then 3 months. |
t3_39ind9 | loseit | A weird idea about weight loss/potential shortcut? | So I know shortcuts are bad but I thought of something. I'm not a therapist or educated in any real way so tell me why I'm wrong.
I was thinking about hypnosis but I think that doesn't work long term for much of anyone right? so I thought of something else.
What if you used CBT or REBT principles to change the thinking itself that keep people gaining weight? If it works kind of well with heroin addicts I think it should work well with this.
For example I think people who really like over eating probably don't like it as much as they think they do. Either it's an emotional crutch a habit or something else and it realy isn't that great. What if the therapy targeted the thoughts and triggers that make people think eating is so wonderful in the first place? As soon as you eat the sensation is gone and it rarely even tastes as good as you think it will beyond the first two bites. Is this possible?
On the flip side, people often unfairly prejudice excercise when it's probably not as bad as they think it's going to be. If you used therapy to change that perception it wouldn't be nearly as hard.
Use it to identify when they eat impulsively and how not to maybe?
Are people already doing this? | Use therapy to make weight loss automatic or much easier by targeting the thoughts and emotions that make people gain weight or keep them from losing it and replace them different thoughts and emotional responses. |
t3_2rkz69 | relationships | Is it ok if me [26m] and my gf [23] aren't as talkative as other couples? | I began dating my GF about a month and a half ago. So far, things are going really great. She's pretty, sarcastic, funny, and is on my level. We also support each other a lot. I support her with her confidence and self-image issues, while she supports me with my anxiety issues. I was shocked that we'd made it like this, because her and I come from different philosophical backgrounds.
Thing that concerns me is that on most of our dates, we don't have the 1 or 2 hour long conversations that most people talk about. In the beginning, we did have a phone conversation that lasted almost five hours! Now, though, We'll talk to each other, but most of the time we'll wind up ending the night in bed with a movie. Still: every night I've had with her has been amazing and so far I don't have any intention of leaving.
We still text each other a lot. I do mean A LOT... and it's almost always about how much we miss each other and sometimes dips into dirty things... which I am 100% ok with and it always gives me something to look forward to. But my concern is that maybe we should be talking about other things too?
One side of me is like: so what? Maybe not all couples have to be super talkative about everything. Another side is like: maybe all relationships are like this--this could be the average level of talkative-ness. Another side yet is like: it's your relationship--if you're happy and she's happy, who cares? But the last side of me is the scariest... If you two aren't always talking about something, that means the relationship is doomed and you don't really like each other.
But I dunno. Remember the anxiety I talked about? That's what's making me ask this. Any input? Advice? Suggestions on what we should talk about? Reassuring words... "No, GORGATRON2012, you're *not* crazy."? Anything? | Having a happy, fulfilling relationship with my girlfriend so far, but am worried that we don't talk about as many things as other couples do. Is this a rational fear or am I just worrying too much? |
t3_28oeo4 | relationships | I [19 M] have been dating my [18 F] GF for 3.5 years with no problems, but now she feels distant. We both want to work things out but have had no luck. | I have been dating my girlfriend for 3.5 years now, and its been the best relationship I could ever ask for. The past 8 months I have been away at college, and although we were worried, we got through it fine even though I didn't get home much. However, about 5 weeks after I came home things started to feel different, she just didn't seem as excited about anything together as she used to.
After confronting her about it multiple times she finally caved and said she's been struggling and feeling distant. She said she feels like there is something missing but she doesn't know what. She said she grew more independent while I was away, and that with her graduating she was worried about missing time with her friends. She said she wanted to stay together, so I had no problem with backing off. We started spending much less time together, while she was often out with her friends.
I thought this would fix the problem, but it didn't. We ended up getting in our first fight ever, and I offered to split while we were still on good terms, but she insisted she still loved me and wanted to keep trying.
Now we've fought three times in three nights, and although we always apologized and stayed civil, there's no sign of improvement. Her prom is next week and I'm terrified something could happen to set her off again, because I would hate myself if I was part of what ruined her big night.
I love her as much as I always have, but she hasn't been herself the past few weeks. We were always the couple that everyone said would last, and I want to, but I can tell her head isn't in it anymore.
She still says she wants to try, but she doesn't even know why she feels the way she does now. Does anyone have experience with whats the best way to move forward with this? I know we are young, but I cant emphasize enough how great the past few years were. | Girlfriend of 3.5 years feels different about our relationship suddenly. Says she wants to fix us, as do I. Whats the best way to move forward? |
t3_o5ykv | AskReddit | Need Advice: My agent lied to my face and has been withholding thousands of dollars for over 8 months. | (If there is a more appropriate subreddit for this, please let me know.)
I shot a series of three commercials in February 2011. In July, my agency paid about half for the work I did, saying that only one of the commercials was airing, so they'd only been paid for one of the three spots, and that I'd get the rest of my money when they paid her.
Fast forward to now. I still not received any money.
I contacted the producer to verify payment date and amount. They paid her *in full* in April, which means she lied to my face when she said she hadn't received all the money. I also learned that my agent withheld the amount they paid me, and that after commission I'm owed nearly two grand in addition to what she claimed she owed me.
I gave her the benefit of the doubt for the better part of a year, but after learning the facts I wrote an email terminating my relationship with the agency, and on the advice of my wife (a lawyer), demanded payment in full in 30 days before filing suit for breach of contract and fiduciary duty. I have not heard back from my agent yet.
Who can I go to? I'm a non-union actor, but this is a union-franchised agency. | My agent lied to me about payment date and amount, and is using my money as an interest-free long-term loan. How do I get my money from her and stop her from taking advantage of her talent in the future? |
t3_4li07y | relationships | Me [20F] and BF [20M] of 4 years; he wants another couple to live with us and I am indifferent to the idea. | My bf and I are supposed to be moving in together in a few months, granted he gets a job in the city I am going to university in. He just finished community college an hour away and is searching for jobs in my city. We've been together 4 years. Given that he will just be starting his career and I will still be in uni for a few more years, money and budgeting is everything. He suggested we get a two bedroom and find another couple to live with us for money saving purposes.
If he finds a job and moves to my city, this will be our first time living together, so the thought of sharing that space kinda throws me for a loop. We both don't personally know any couples who are looking for a place to live, which meant that if this happens, we could be living with a stranger couple. I don't think I could live with another couple, if we knew them or not. I suggested a couple mutual friends who we could ask to live with us if he is so hellbent on having a two bedroom for money saving purposes, but he declined them. I personally wouldn't want to hear another couple having sex in my apartment and vice versa.
Am I being too negative to this suggestion? What alternatives are there? A lot of the one bedroom apartments I have seen on Kijiji are rather expensive, depending on the area. | Boyfriend and I are supposed to be moving in together, he suggests getting an apartment with another couple. I'm slightly thrown off to the idea. |
t3_b8z0j | AskReddit | Has anyone else had a Curb Your Enthusiasm-esque argument? | I've had a few zingers, but my personal favorite follows...
I was at a Border's and after about 20min. of browsing I had to take that compulsory bookstore whiz. I get to the john and standing at the urinal next to me is a day trader with a Twilight book under his arm chatting on his cell-phone. So after beginning to drain the lizard, I feel this guy giving me the stink-eye. Once we make eye contact, the following conversation ensues:
* Him (accusingly): Hey, you mind keeping it down?
* Me: ...
* Him: I'm having a conversation here.
* Me: Pardon me, just trying to pee.
* Him: Well I'm just trying to talk to my daughter.
* Me: I don't know what to tell you man.
* Him: You couldn't have waited?
* Me: To use the open urinal?
* Him: Yeah man have a little courtesy.
At this point he thought it prudent to let that be the moral of the story and proceeded to jump back into the conversation. I could have easily retaliated, but I didn't feel like the bathroom of a Border's was the right place. I also felt him purchasing a tweenage vampire romance novel for his probably college age daughter was punishment enough. I did, however; immediately note that this scenario would perfectly fit into the context of Larry David's life.
Do any of you have similar stories to tell? | some guy got into an argument with me because my pee splashing in the bowl of a urinal was *so loud* it disrupting his phone call. |
t3_2idkb1 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my ex [20 F] 6 months, broke up a year ago, talked briefly at a social gathering, can I talk to her again | So, a couple months less than a year ago, me and my ex broke up because she still had strong feelings for her ex. I was understanding for the most part, and broke up with her.
Details aside, I found out her bf broke up with her about a month ago and knowing how emotional she is, I didnt want her to react in a way that would be detrimental to her health. So I anonymously sent her flowers with a small message 'Smile. It will be okay.' Corny, yeah, but I didnt want to personally involve myself.
Problem is after I sent them, I've known this entire time we've been broken up that I still cared about her. Ever since I sent them I've been wanting to talk to her and can't get the thoughts out of my head. The other night I actually saw her at a kickback and made very short conversation with her out of fear, yet when she left she still wanted a hug, despite not saying much.
To wrap it up, I dont use social media anymore, so I was thinking of asking a mutual friend to ask if she liked the flowers from me and see if I could start talking to her again from here. Should I not?
Thanks, and sorry if its rushed and sloppy, im on my phone at work, but I can answer questions. | Anonymously sent ex flowers, should I indirectly say they were from me and attempt at talking to her again from there? |
t3_3b9hsk | relationships | Just found out the guy[17m] that I[16f] have been dating is probably bipolar | Okay so about 3 weeks back I started dating Paul. We went to a movie "as friends", but afterwards we agreed that neither of us were ready for commitment, but we still wanted to date. So we've only been on 2 dates for now, but I really do like him.
Today we were talking about dating, and he mentioned that he wouldn't want to have a girlfriend for a long time (this kinda stung, as I half considered him my boyfriend anyways). He then goes on to explain that the real reason he broke up with his ex was because he felt "unstable". I asked him what he meant and he said that he has a lot of "bad emotions and bad thoughts". I asked him to explain further, and Paul said that he has "really high highs, but really low lows." I told him that that sounded a lot like manic and depressive states, and asked him if he'd seen a psychiatrist about possibly having bipolar disorder.
Paul said that he doesn't trust anything that psychiatrists say anymore, and he's been to quite a few (this wasn't a shock, seeing as he told me earlier about having anger management issues when he was younger). I told him theres no shame in asking for help (cliche, I know), and I was always there if he needed to talk. He told me that the only person who can help him with this is himself. He then told me he was in a bad mood and didn't wan't to talk anymore. I told him to feel better, and to remember that theres people who care about him.
I'm really having trouble dealing with this and i've been overthinking about what to do... I really do like him, and was considering getting into a serious relationship with him one day. I feel awful that theres no other way for me to help him deal with these feelings, and I don't want him to feel smothered by me. This isn't my first time dealing with a friend with bipolar disorder, but it is my first time dating one. So if anyone reading this has bipolar disorder and has any advice, please share! | guy I've been dating told me he probably has bipolar disorder, but won't accept help. I don't know what to do. |
t3_zns9d | AskReddit | Do you feel that the hostility for/against religion and the existence of God is getting out of hand? Do you have examples? | This stems off of the IAmA of a young lady who had her marriage arranged by her parents and does not share the belief with her family that God exists.
I guess my question stems from this communication between myself and another user who is dead-set on the "fact" that God does not exist, calling the young lady's mother a liar for telling her He does. I'm not trying to argue for or against the existence of God, but rather the flawed logic of those that insist that what they believe is correct (without proof, even), forcing their belief on others. This applies to both religious and non-religious peoples. I don't think that there needs to be such a hostility toward our fellow redditors for believing in something that you may not believe in. What is your opinion on this? I haven't been here for very long, but I have encountered a lot of hostility from both ends of the issue and I feel it is a growing problem within the community. If you have examples of run-ins with hostility, feel free to share. | People forcing their beliefs (or lack of beliefs) on others users. Has it gotten out of hand? More specifically, has it gotten out of hand within the Reddit community? |
t3_2ljqjx | relationships | My husband [29] is constantly in a bad mood and it's draining the life out of me [29]. | Quick background...we've been friends since we were 14, we started dating at 20, married at 23 and we had our first and only child at 25. He's always had mild depression, but it was thought that it was just his environment (he grew up in a Duggar-like household) and things would get better after he moved out (which it did).
The entire time we dated he was fine. He was a totally different person once he moved out of his parent's house. Shortly after we got married though, he seemed a little more emotional. He would get upset and sometimes cry over practically nothing.
Then over time it turned from being emotional to being mean. He snaps at our child and I over literally nothing, he can get extremely condescending and rude if I don't agree with him on something (usually he just repeats one thing over and over and over until I give up trying to talk). He's in an awful mood over half the time and I'm constantly anxious, waiting for his next bad mood to come on. It's at the point where I get excited if he asks to do something with friends that I know will take a few hours because I can get a break and breathe for a while. The stress of it all is taking a toll on me...I rarely sleep, I feel sick because my heart is always beating out of my chest.
Both of us agree that there are definitely mental issues going on, he refuses to get help though. I'm kind of at a cross roads in deciding if I should give up and leave, or stick around and be miserable while I wait for if/when he's willing to seek psychological help. I feel like I would be a really terrible person if I take the former option, but fucking hell...I'm exhausted. | My husband is often in a bad mood and takes it out on me, we're sure it's psychological but he refuses to do anything about it. I don't know where to go from here. |
t3_2qn9ky | relationships | Me [24F] with fiance [24M] and fiance's ex fling [30F] | I'm currently in my fiances hometown for the holidays. I've met most of his friends and gotten along well. I knew he had a past fling with one of his friends older sister (we'll call her Erica), but I thought he was over it. We went to his friends house to visit his family, and Erica was there. I hadn't met her before. She didn't get up to introduce herself or really even get up to say hi, but I could tell my fiance was waiting to get a hug from her. He also didn't introduce me to her. We chatted with the rest of his family for a while and as we were leaving, he went to make her get up and hug him. They then started chatting about Ericas new boyfriend to which he said, "Eh he won't be around much longer, I've been here the longest." I thought that was weird to say in front of me and his friend's family and I'm pretty upset. It sounds to me like he still has feelings for her and we get married in two fucking months.
Should I talk to him about it, or am I making a big deal out of nothing? | Fiance made a weird comment to his ex fling while I was there. Not sure if I sound say something or not. |
t3_46y3gc | relationships | Me 30F with my boyfriend 36M - My patience is wearing thin | I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years, but known him superficially for most of my life. His parents died when he was young and he was taken in by his only living relative. Some of my family members also cared for him part time and that is how we met as children.
We didn't see each other for maybe 15 years and reunited as adults (when his surviving family member passed away and he leaned on my family for support). I wanted to be support for him in a difficult time and I fell very hard in love with him.
We live together now, have for a year, and things have become difficult. I'm wondering what to do next. In many ways, he is the best partner that I could ever imagine. He's honest, caring and a very genuine person. However, I believe he might be a little emotionally stunted from his childhood experiences. I am confident that he loves me and he is a dedicated partner, but he doesn't show it in conventional ways. He doesn't say "I love you" and isn't physically affectionate at all. Also, we do not have sex more than once every couple of months.
I feel that I have been patient and understanding, but lately, am having difficulty with this. Discussing marriage, children, sex or affection is just frustrating for both of us. He claims he wants all of these things, as do I, but he turns away from the conversation every time. I have thought about throwing in the towel because I feel that he is either incapable or unwilling to grow and mature in this relationship. But I truly love him and the thought of him being alone in the world makes me want to cry. I also worry about being 30 and single and feel like I have some sudden time constraint placed on me.
He has said yes to therapy but thinks 1. It is too expensive and 2. His issues are too ingrained to be fixed with a few therapy sessions (his words). Also we live in a small town and have no insurance so I'm not sure how to find someone good and inexpensive to help. And I'm not sure if I want to expend the energy. | Relationship is stagnating after two years. I love him but not sure if I'm willing to keep going with so little reward. |
t3_esmzd | AskReddit | Can someone explain to me the hatred towards tattoos on Reddit? | I generally see reddit as welcoming and open-minded (the trolls aside). So can someone explain to me the hatred/negativity given to tattoos or people with tattoos on reddit? I've heard several people comment that they were "trashy". One commentor elaborated that you see people with lots of tattoos in places where you might see "trashy" people, such as jail, trailer parks, etc. (N.B. I don't per se agree with this person's assessment, I'm just paraphrasing). Correlation does not imply causation. I'm not saying that there is a complete lack of "trashy" tattoos, but I am saying the association isn't one to one. I have been verbally and emotionally abused by religious people, but I don't assume that everyone in a place of worship is going to be an asshole. Tycho (from Penny Arcade) stated, "I am one of the "good" atheists, which is to say I allow people their nonsense to the extent that they allow me mine." I think this mutual nonsense tolerance is something that can and probably should be extended to other topics, including tattoos--you don't have to like it, but that doesn't mean you have to be a jerk to someone who chose that, either. | If reddit is made of open-minded, tolerant, educated people (trolls aside), why is there so much harshness against tattoos or tattooed individuals? |
t3_4zj0ek | relationships | I [35M] have been seeing two [31F] & [34F] awesome girls, and need to break up with one [34F]. What's the nicest way? | I will try to keep this short and to the point. Started seeing multiple Tinder girls at the same time looking for a relationship. Narrowed it down to two of the awesomest people ever. It's only been a few weeks, I like both a lot, but realize that I have to break things off with one of them before going any further.
So after much thought, I made my decision but don't have a clue what to tell the other. The truth probably won't work: "I like someone a little better than I like you; just a smidgen though." I am not opposed to a white lie if it means sparing this girl's feelings. | Suggestions on the best way to break up with the 2nd coolest girl in the world, to pursue a relationship with the 1st coolest? |
t3_298wkd | relationships | My [20 M] girlfriend [20 F] of 2 months, told me something personal and my reaction caused me to miss the story - I want to understand it better but its a sensitive topic and I dont know how to approach it. | I'm not sure if this is even the right sub but I thought I'd try and you guys could at least point me in the right direction.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 months and have only known each other for 4, we're very open with each other though and have told each other a lot about our lives.
Last Sunday we drank together and while talking she told me that when she was young (6) she was touched by her servant. She said that she knew it was wrong but was scared to stop him or tell anyone and so he just kept touching her all over and put his hands down her pants. I got really angry and felt so sad for her, and because I was drunk I started to cry and talk about how it's so unfair to women and how she is such a strong person to not let that affect her and all.
I feel like my crying kinda overshadowed her whole story. She hasn't told anyone about this, not her best friends or her parents, and I'm glad she told me but I want to know more - what happened, how has it affected her and if there's anything I can do to help her (I know she's moved on but still I want her to know I'm there). I just don't know how to bring it up again. I know she said that she didn't want this to affect the way I think of her and it honestly doesn't, I still see her the same but I want to know more without being rude and asking about a personal and probably traumatic experience. I wanna know whether you guys think I should even bring it up again or not?
It kinda affected me a bit, every time I think about the whole situation it angers me and I want to do something about it but I know I can't. | My girlfriend told me something personal and important, I overreacted and missed the story, I want to ask her about it again but the topic is sensitive. |
t3_4cx9fc | relationships | Me [18M] with my now ex-GF[18F] 3 months, we just broke up but she still wants to be friends. | Like the title says me and my GF just broke up but she said she still wants to be friends. I told her we can only be friends if our relationship is truly over and there is no chance of us getting back together. She said "As of right now there is no chance of getting back together but I also don't know what the future holds". I told her that I see it the same way except I don't see us getting back together in the future either. Also I asked her if she was just saying she wanted to be friends to be nice or if she was serious about having a real friendship and she said she was serious. I asked her if she wanted to take a break from each other or start the friendship today and she said she wanted to start it today. So I agreed but I want to hear what ya'll think I should do? Also I want to ask her if she still wants to have sex. | me and GF broke up but she still wants to be friends. I agreed but I want ya'lls advice on this and also I wanted to know if I should ask her if she still wants to have sex. |
t3_2kmnp2 | tifu | TIFU by pissing my pants | So this actually happened Saturday. I just made it to the Primus concert before they got on stage and I gotta piss like a horse. So I'm walking through the lobby looking for the piss room. I had to piss so bad I literally didnt even unbutton my jeans, I just the front of my pants down a little and yanked my wee wee out. The force of the pee coming out my urethra is pretty high. So when I thought I was pissing I zip up without looking down. I was still pissing when I zipped up, literally me pissing myself. I don't know why my body didn't signal to my brain that it was still pissing. So now I get to watch Primus sing Primus and the Chocolate Factory in piss soaked jeans. | ? Went to a concert, pissed myself at the urinal, watched My Name is Mud covered in pee pee. |
t3_1atkvj | personalfinance | Does it make sense for me to transfer my IRA from Scottrade to Vanguard? | Hey there, I tried taking a look at previous postings, but couldn't find a good answer. Here's my situation:
I have two accounts with Scottrade, a brokerage account worth about 60k right now and Rollover IRA worth just north of 10k. This rollover IRA came from when I left a job back in 2003, and I just haven't done much with it. I have a few holdings, but the majority of the account is in unsettled trading funds.
So, here are my questions:
A. Is a rollover IRA essentially just a traditional IRA?
B. I was looking into the 2045 Targeted Retirement Fund at Vanguard. I'm not good with having to spend a lot of time on this (I know myself) and so I like the idea that I could just put all of my money into that fund and it will manage holdings and reallocate as my needs change on the way to retirement. If I chose, could I just purchase this fund through Scottrade? Would there be differences on the fees, aside from the transaction fee?
C. Whether or not I move the funds to Vanguard or not, I am considering a conversion to a Roth IRA. I know that the tax code changed for this year and I am a bit lost trying to figure how such a change would impact my tax liability for this year.
For the years 2008-2011 (and part of 2012), I had been claiming zero exemptions on my W4, which resulted in annual tax refunds in the $2000-3000 range. Last year I decided that I wanted more money coming in, so I adjusted my withholding. The result was that in 2011, I saw roughly $6600 in FIT withheld, vs. just $5500 in 2012. I am concerned that this decreased withholding, combined with the tax liability from the Roth conversion, would put me in danger of owing money for this year.
With that being said, my employment situation may be changing drastically in August, which would most likely result in decreased earning for this year. Should that play into my decision at all?
I appreciate any thoughts you all may have. Thanks! | Should I transfer my IRA to Vanguard and, no matter whether I do or not, should I convert it to a Roth IRA while it still has a relatively low value? |
t3_2mnx0v | relationships | Me [33 M] full of dopamine, trying to avoid making dumb mistakes [34 F]. | I'm trying to avoid being a bad story on /r/relationships. 33M married in a good relationship but we have issues like many people would after being together for a long time. Nothing major, though. We've always been faithful, we're pretty much each other's firsts.
Recently, I met someone [34 F] that I had one of those immediate reactions to, thinking a lot about her. The thing is, I haven't felt these things since I was nearly a teenager. My dopamine is pumping and giving me this artificial happiness that I know is temporary and unhealthy. I'm trying to look at this as objectively as possible and want to avoid doing anything majorly dumb.
However, these feelings are kicking my ass. I am on the verge of tears, I'm having a hard time functioning and thinking more than a minute into the future, thinking about how short life is, etc. I have no one to really talk to about this. I've always been one to judge, not understanding how people can behave so selfishly and ruining things. I would love to talk to a therapist but I don't think I could find anyone fast enough or be able to do it without it being suspicious. I just need to get this out there and have anyone smack me in the face. | Married, started having strong feelings for someone else, trying not to let my biological chemistry get the best of me. Help. |
t3_4i7zr6 | relationships | My [32 FTM] friends and family [various ages] are very unhappy with my second name change. | I'm FTM, meaning I was born female and transitioned to male. This happened around five years ago.
When I first started transitioning, I didn't know any other trans guys. Had no support whatsoever. I picked Aydian, having no idea that there already was a very prominent trans man named Aydian. He is a fitness model. I'm also into fitness. I feel very self-conscious that it appears I'm copying him.
So I went on the hunt for a new name. I have always, since I was a small child, wanted to name myself "Wolfe." It's been a dream of mine since I can remember. I just never had the guts to go through with it. Well, I'm not getting any younger, so why not? Wolves aren't just my favorite animal; they're a passion. I'm opening a wolf sanctuary and studied them in the wild for several years. I know it's corny, but I don't care. I've experimented with it for the past month and absolutely love it.
That said, I'm getting almost nothing but heat over it. Everyone thinks it's stupid/childish/wrong/etc. There's more backfire over my name choice than over my coming out! I'm getting daily messages and texts from family members begging me to "not do this to them" - messages I never even received when I was coming out. Friends are clearly displeased.
I'm extremely frustrated and hurt right now. Everyone seems to be turning on me over this. Even my wife doesn't like it much, and her opinion matters more than everyone else's, but she's trying to be supportive and trying to get used to it. Funny thing is, everyone else wants me to go with Wolfgang (with "Wolfe" for short) and my wife hates, hates, hates Wolfgang. Ugh.
Should I cave and choose a different name? How should I handle this? | Changing my name (again) and no one likes it. Other than my wife, I feel like it's none of their business. |
t3_187g5f | AskReddit | Askreddit, can you please suggest activities for my father, he's 65 years old and recently diagnosed with multiple myeloma. Thanks! | So dad was diagnosed a few months ago. He's doing oral chemo for now and will probably do stem cell transplants in late spring or early summer. The doctor's best guess for prognosis right now is 10-15 years, so that's great. We're all very optimistic. But, he recently had 6 fractured vertebrae fixed (broke due to the illness) and between the pain he's in and his suppressed immune system, he's going to be off work for a long time and pretty much just staying in the house.
Dad isn't used to being cooped up for so long and he's starting (IMO) to show some signs of depression. I really want to help him find things to do to pass the time. We recently got him a laptop and internet service and got him on Facebook and such. I showed him Reddit and Stumbleupon and a couple others. He's obviously going to need some time to get up to speed with the internet and using a computer.
Long story shorter, I'm looking for ideas for things for him to do online and otherwise. He's a long-time bowhunter. He loves the outdoors, fishing, etc. I tried to get him into fly tying but he's not too keen on it. Same with model building. He says he gets too frustrated with that fiddly shit. He's a super conservative. He loves science fiction. He's old and crotchety. Can you folks offer some ideas for some hobbies he might enjoy or websites and such that he can spend some time with? | Dad is sick and old, has to stay in the house and is getting cabin fever. I need ideas to help keep him entertained. |
t3_4l94f0 | personalfinance | Just found out my father lost his job today at the age of 66. How can I best be there and prepare to support my parents? | My parents live in a suburb of Chicago and, until recently, both worked full time without any plans for retirement. To my knowledge there just hasn't been enough money to save for that, they just expected to keep working and make ends meet.
My husband and I (both early 30's) live in Indianapolis. Not wealthy, but enough to have savings of our own and we bought a house two years ago. We also both work full time.
With the news today that my father lost his job, I don't know how they will manage. I am helping make payments on my brother's school loans, as well as giving money to my parents when things got tight (car repairs, water heater replacement, etc.).
I'm worried about their wellbeing, if they can continue paying their mortgage, if anyone will even consider hiring a man in his late 60's. I'm also nervous about becoming a supporter of my parents, when my husband and I have just started talking about kids of our own.
I'm going to visit them this weekend. How can I best prepare to talk to them about finances? What do I need to consider to help make sure we all stay secure financially?
Sorry a bit rambling, but a lot has been running through my mind today with this news. | Father lost his full time job that both my parents depended on to make ends meet. How can I prepare to help them if needed, but also make sure husband and I stay stable? |
t3_48b36x | relationships | Is it wrong of me [25F] to be so difficult about a bachelorette party? | So I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding happening this summer. The maid of honor didn't really stay on top of planning the bachelorette shenanigans. She didn't seem to excited about being MOH honestly, but she's family to the bride. After a few of the other bridesmaids and I asked her a few times for an update, she finally came back to us with an idea last week and it involves leaving the country.
That's fine and great--if I had a passport. I know it's silly for me to not have a passport this day and age, but I never really travel and haven't needed it until now. I looked into getting one ASAP, but I don't have an original birth certificate and would have to collect a shit ton of extra secondary documents which I frankly don't have the time and money for. This trip is only two months away, so I don't even know if the passport would come in time. I suggested moving the date out, but that was declined.
Other bridesmaids seem okay with the idea, but there are a few of us who have suggested another location that is much easier and doesn't require passports. I'm already willing to drive 5 hours so we can meet up since I'm the out-of-towner.
Am I out of line to say I can't go unless we stay in the country? Or should I bend over backwards to make the original plan work if I can? I don't want to ruin the vibes or piss off the MOH but at the same time I feel like the plans are a bit unreasonable for it being two months out. | Maid of honor is trying to plan a last minute bachelorette party out of the country. Am I wrong to decline because I don't have time/resources to get a passport? |
t3_2jxfpn | jobs | I just want to help my demotivated team...and it's demotivating me | I've worked for a newly formed team for as long as it has been around and as it grew I grew too. The team is in-house and its clients are internal. That provides a difficulty in itself, but as the team is there to support others internally, we don't necessarily get 'juicy' work. We usually get the more routine based tasks. Here lies the problem.
I have recently become a manager of a small group of people within this team. The team I'm in is seen by graduates as a bit of a stepping stone on to grander things, which isn't great and means that the retention in the team is low. The team is ambitious but this drive is focussed on what is after my team, not what is now. The 'routine' work we receive isn't enough to satiate them and this causes them to lash out demanding 'more training and better work!' It's difficult and I'd love to give them this 'better work', but we get what we get. There is some engagement with the rest of the company, but that is a slow process.
We have a weekly 30 minute meeting. Last week I discussed that, although you might not be able to change the work you receive, you can change your attitude towards it. If you approach work with negative energy that is all you'll receive in return and vice versa. I told them that I couldn't force this change, it had to be a choice. The reaction I got was loud and angry. It took me off guard. There was a lot of accusation of no development, but that isn't the case. The point is, they're angry that we're not developing them for the next stage (which is nothing to do with us).
I used to look forward to these 30 minute meetings, but right now I'm struggling to find a topic and finding it even harder to find the motivation. Any advice? | Just became a manager, team is demotivated as the work we have is routine and 'unexciting', struggling to see what to do next. |
t3_2w00m4 | relationship_advice | Stupid girl [28/F], in desperate need of strangers' help to tell her how stupid she is being. | So, here is the jist of my situation. I dated this guy for 3 years, the first year was amazing. We were perfect, we laughed and played and loved. Typical love story shit. Within the second year, things started to change, he stopped being present. The affection stopped, he no longer touched me unless it led to sex. I started getting depressed. I brought this up to him several times. During the 3rd year, I purposed a "break". (which I'm aware now, never works). I decided to try again, but I had much less patience than I started with. I explained things I needed. Well, of course, I didn't get anywhere. I started felling less and less romantically attracted to him. I still loved and love him, but I had to end it. I not longer felt that connection, sex was a chore, and I felt he no longer wanted to actually be with me anymore. As we ended things, he made promises to change, and yaddayadda, but I was no longer willing to take his word for it. I was already gone.
Here is my problem; I love him so much still. It has been over a month and I miss him terribly. I have been fighting myself not to contact him. I know it wouldn't be fair to him, because I do not want to get back together. I have seen him in the city twice now, with other women in the car, so I know he is dating already. (It's been about a month and a half since we broke up). I don't blame him for dating i guess, but it really kills me to see it. I want to contact him, just to keep in touch, but I'm very sure its a stupid idea. He is the type of guy that cuts ties indefinitely. I just want to check in. 3 years is a long time to just... disappear. I guess I just need Reddit's help to convince me why I shouldn't contact him, or what I should do here anyone have any advice on what I should do? Or how I can let go? | Mutually ended things with my ex of 3 years. I keep fighting myself not to contact him, and I need reddit's help to convince me why it is stupid to do so, and how to move on. |
t3_1f5hae | jobs | What to do after a good interview, but no reply? | I had a interview at Starbucks for a barista position last wednesday and it went extremely well, to the point that by the end of the interview the hiring manager and I were discussing Starbucks stocks and what we studied in university. She then said that she was doing interviews for the rest of the week and will be doing call backs on monday and (I'm quoting) "but you shouldn't worry, you'll hear back from me Monday".
It's now Monday and no calls. I tried calling the store, but she had already left for the day and will be working on Wednesday.
What should I do at this point to ensure I get the job? | barista interview at Starbucks went really really well, but didn't hear back from them. What do I do to ensure I get the job at this point? |
t3_2wsr7b | relationships | Hooked up with an old friend (28F) of mine (30M) and she confided to me she has cancer. | Over the weekend I went to my close friends wedding.
Old friends yaddayadda. Was pretty epic.
Anyway, an old 'flame' was there after 4 years of no contact. I don't even have social media so literally no contact whatsoever. She's been overseas living her dream and came back to be a bridesmaid. A day of fun & booze etc we hooked up. It was nice.
However she confided to me that she has cancer. It's quite advanced by the sounds of things and she hasn't told any of her friends or family.
She left back to her hometown fairly early in the morning so we didn't get time to talk about it at all. All I had time to say was keep in touch.
Although we haven't seen each other in a long time, I still care for her and am not sure how to deal with this.
Obviously I'm not going to say anything, but I still feel strange, worried and all that stuff.
How the hell do I deal with this? | Old friend has cancer. Her friends and family don't know. I'm confused / worried & don't know how to deal with it. |
t3_1t3u75 | offmychest | I'm in love with my best friend. | I have been best friends with this girl for 6 years. The story of our friendship is long and, for lack of a better term, interesting. We met when the guitarist for my old band(best friend at the time) met her and started dating her in high school. I spent more time on the phone with her than my girlfriend at the time. We shared everything. There is nothing about us that the other doesn't know. When we go to bars, I keep an eye on her. Not in an older brother kind of way, no. It is a deeper care.
I am the only one that she lets take care of her when she has had too much to drink (when I'm there). There was a recent time where I took complete care of her and everyone kept telling her that we should be together. Of course I laughed as well, but I secretly want it. Shortly after that, her whole family kept bugging her about it. We were on the phone and she mentioned that if it wasn't for us being best friends, I could have her. This stung, but at the same time, she didn't say it in the 'you got friend zoned' kind of way. At least that's how I heard it. But to this day she fights it when people say something.
It's driving me insane, but I can't tell her because I can't lose her as a friend. | I'm in love with my best friend. Her family and my friends think we should be together, but she doesn't. She also doesn't know that I am in love with her. |
t3_14zxje | relationships | Boyfriend [20] is leaving for the army in January, but now he's beginning to change his mind, and I [17F] am unsure of what to do. | Reddit, I am so conflicted.
We've been long distance since the beginning - he's from the US, I'm from Canada. We've dated for about four months and he flew over to see me once. In January he'll be leaving for Basic Training. I can't help but wonder what our future is going to be like. There'll be six years apart, although we'd probably be able to see each other twice a year (unless he gets deployed). He'll be leaving the service after his contract is finished. That was the original plan. I never wanted him to join the service, but I've come to accept it.
Now, the situation's changed a little. He told me he doesn't feel like joining the army anymore. He doesn't want to leave home or me. A part of me wants to support this idea - deep down in my heart, I know I really don't want to see him go - but at the same time, I feel like I'd only supporting a crushed future. His reason for joining was the feeling of desolate civilian life and post-secondary schooling he never enjoyed.
If he joins the service, we may very well be in different timezones and the relationship will be hard to keep up. He might get PTSD. He might be deployed - but we could have the chance to be physically together for a month each year. If I persuade him to back out now, he'd probably go back to school, and while I'd be able to talk to him all the time, we'd probably never see each other until four years of schooling is done. | Boyfriend enlisted in the army but is now considering backing out. I'm not sure what to support or what to do because of the pros and cons of each option. |
t3_1fb8uh | offmychest | What I need to get off my chest is that I always need to get things off my chest. | The title to this was originally, "I actually have no idea where I'm going with this", and the first line was, "The first thing I want to talk about is the fact that I always need to talk about everything".
I'm most definitely going to be making more of these, because as you're about to find out, I have lots to talk about. But I figured one problem per post is more than enough, right?
I'm the kind of person who needs other people to know what's on my mind. It sickens me a little. With provocation equivalent to a speck of dust, I can potentially unload my entire life story onto someone I've just met. Not just on my emotional days. This is **all. The. Time.**
I used to think it was about attention, which made me think I was an attention whore, which made me hate myself. But now I know it's not about that. I'm not exactly sure what it IS about, but I've oftentimes found myself wishing that I could find a way to unload onto someone and have them not only have no clue who I was but also be unable to respond.
Writing in a journal simply doesn't work for me. The receiving end of my endless abyss of first-world problems has to be a living, breathing person. It doesn't matter if they feel sorry for me, or if they respond. They just have to be able to hear/read and comprehend what I'm saying.
Now that I think of it, it doesn't even have to be a complaint. When something good happens to me, I want to tell someone, too. Still doesn't matter who it is, so long as it's a person.
Other people aren't all like this, and I can see that it visibly freaks some people out. No matter how much I hate it, I always find myself unloading the contents of my brain onto someone without even realizing it until afterwards, and then it's too late and I feel about as ashamed as a whore in church. I hate this about myself and I don't know the solution. | I wear my heart on my sleeve and then I shove my sleeve into peoples' faces on a daily basis and I hate that. |
t3_2clujw | relationships | Me [30 MF] with my BF [40 M] - 1 month. Broke up, I dated and slept with someone else. Now he wants to get back together. Do I tell him? | Was with my boyfriend for about a month (+several weeks prior intensely chatting online), everything was fantastic until one day we got into an argument and I broke it off. Then, realized I might have overreacted. He didn't respond to my email or text, and I thought I would not speak to him again so left it.
The very next day, I was asked out on a date and I ended up having a one night stand with the guy.
Fast forward until now (a week post breakup) and my boyfriend has contacted me out of the blue, citing "needed thinking time" and claims to have "seen the light", misses me, and has realized that he wants me back. He has apologized for his behavior and wants us to work. He has (for the first time) admitted that he loves me, and that he didn't realize this was the case until we broke up.
He doesn't know about the fling. And if I tell him, it will crush him. He has not dated or seen anyone else.
I do miss him, and I also have strong feelings for him. I want to make it work. However, I feel like if I don't disclose this fling it will ruin things but if I do disclose it it will also ruin things.
Is it necessary to disclose this? | Had a fling after a breakup, boyfriend wants to get back together but if I tell him about the fling it will break his heart. What to do? |
t3_2pq1jc | relationships | I (22M) can't seem to get over my ex(22F) of 5 years after break up 1.5 years ago. | Me and my girlfriend broke up because we felt we drifted apart in our last year of college. Its been almost a year and a half and much has happened in both our lives. I finished school, lost a massive amount of weight, joined the military as an officer. She finished school and honestly I don't know what else. I know emotionally she moved on because she is getting engaged. I on the other hand have done everything to move on. I have dated around. Even went to training in other states. Nothing I do seems to help. I haven't contacted her since we split up and even then I still think about her sometimes. I have a great girlfriend (22f) currently who is very supportive of me and my career but still every couple days my ex dashes through my mind for no reason. I need help because its destroying me inside. I really want to call her and tell her I want her back. But I know it won't ever happen. I feel like I will never get over this relationship. | I (22m) can't get over my ex (22f) of five years after our breakup about 1.5 years ago. Is this normal? |
t3_2lqx1j | tifu | TIFU by telling my love interest that I am gay when I am really straight | So I've been hanging out with this girl, right? And she's blonde, and Russian, and all that jazz. Accent and everything; she goes to my college and we decided to study together. Our first night we finished studying and decided to go get some food. We talked for several hours, and she sat in the chair next to me, not in the one across. We were clearly familiar. So the next day, we grabbed coffee and talked. The next day, we got lunch. Then coffee. Things were humming. Then she asked me to drive her home one night, and obviously I said yes and we talked on the way to her place. I said goodnight; we parted ways. The next day, all of a sudden she starts asking or hinting at me being gay, and I'm not sure what to say so I vaguely dodge the question for a while. She was clearly upset that I hadn't made a move on her, since she basically stopped hanging out with me. I asked her what was going on a few times over the course of the week and she wouldn't give me any hints. So I asked her if this was about me being gay, and she made some vague comment about how she wasn't sure on my sexual orientation. She gets on her bus, and leaves. Later, I just decide to pull a Tropic Thunder and text her "So, are we good?" and she says that depends on my punishment. I start getting the vibe that this girl is actually a psychopath. So I ask what my punishment is going to be, and it was basically forced flirting (or flirt rape). I agreed to this without even thinking about it. Later, we got into a conversation about my sexual orientation again, and I decided to try something different. So I told her I was gay, and that I was actually looking for a boyfriend right now but I hadn't really come out yet. She seemed somewhat happy about this, but now she is just trying to set me up with other guys and make me treat her like a "gay bestie." What the fuck have I done. | Everything was going perfect with this girl until I didn't hit on her and she thought I was gay and then we fixed that problem but then I told her I was gay (which I am not) and now the world is fucked. |
t3_nwemo | AskReddit | My mom has been bipolar and on and off addicted to drugs since I was 8. It's been 11 years now and life is still going on this way. I need help. | **Back story:**
My mom had always struggled with ADD and depression since her childhood/teenage years. When she met my dad, things turned around for her. According to my family and from what I can remember, she was a loving wife and mother. Things were great for awhile there.
At some point when I was a child, my mother started abusing Phentermine (sp?). This continued using this for weight loss/energy for a few years until I was about 8. Then she started losing her mind (paranoia). My parents divorced around this time based on her delusions surrounding my father.
We then moved in with my grandmother and have lived with her ever since.
**Current:**
She is now addicted to Adderall. She was off drugs for awhile, but has now been addicted to Adderall for about two years. She see multiple doctors and has several prescriptions. It's been about five years since she was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder (was Schizo Effective. Has since been changed).
Within the past month she has stopped going to the local MHMR office and no longer takes her anti-psychotics. She now only abuses Adderall. The combination of being off one med and only on another is brutal.
She sees a therapist. They have looked into rehab together. My mom's insurance does not cover rehab at all.
I just need some advice here. I can't deal with this anymore. | What to do with mother who is bipolar/drug addict and has been for the last ten years? Already sees a therapist and rehab without insurance is not an option. |
t3_10h7tc | AskReddit | Should I go to regular college, 2 years of community college, or go into the Army Reserve? | I'm a high school senior and I'm starting to have to really make some choices that will alter how my future goes. My choices are go to regular college, go to community college for 2 years, or go into the Army Reserve.
Regular college: I want to major in engineering but I'm missing one class so any college I go to, I'll have to spend an extra year to get that class finished. Also, since my dad died, my family doesnt have enough money to fully find all 4 or 5 years of college, especially since my brother and sister have both been through college. By the time I graduate, I will be drowning in student loan debt.
2 years of community college: this is very appealing to me. If I get a good GPA in community college, then I'll be able to go to almost any other college I want and I'll have that class I'm missing. This way by the time I graduate, I won't have that much debt.
Army Reserve: this one also appeals to me as I love everything military. Previously I ruled out the military as an option because I figured I'm way too laid back for it. Earlier today while I wasn't home but my mom was, an Army recruiter came to my house because I "got a high score on my asvab." (I go to a JROTC school). He made the Army sound appealing but I keep remembering how military recruiters are supposedly full of shit. He said i could go to college while in the Reserves and i would have a leg up on the competition. Can some military personnel give me advice on this option?
Reddit, I need your advice. What do you think I should do and why? | I need advice on whether I should enlist in the Army Reserve, go to a 4 year college, or go to community college for 2 years. |
t3_hih61 | AskReddit | Mother insists that I join an extra-curricular club or sport to look good on my college application. | I refuse to join anything that I don't want to, and considering my school doesn't have any technology related clubs (since I will be looking for a programming major), that doesn't leave much left to choose from. I joined anime club, which I even told my parents was just to hang around with friends in a school room after hours, play computer games with them, and just laugh and talk. This is obviously not enough to her, but I don't give a shit about joining anything else because I don't want to. Why should I join something I am not interested in at all? Also, what should I do? | I am interested in programming, my school has no clubs for this, I joined a club only to be lazy, and my mom is forcing me to join something. I don't know enough about programming to start my own clubs either. |
t3_44xntf | relationships | Me (32) with the guy I'm dating (30), table manners issue | Throwaway. English is not my first language, apolologies for any mistakes.
I'm dating the perfect guy (for me). I want him and my family to meet as soon as possible. There's one issue though.
My father has always thought table manners are one of the most important things to define a person. He taught me and my sister to have perfect table manners, and has always been very judgemental about other people over the way they eat, hold their forks, etc.
Now, I've fully absorbed this and my table manners are something I care about, but I don't really care about other people. The thing is: the perfect guy hold his cutlery in the worst possible way. He will pinch his meat holding his fork they eway you would hammer a stake on the ground. He is prefectly educated otherwise, but the way he holds his fork and knife, which is somethingmy father cares so much about, is terrible.
I do know this will be a huge issue for my father when he meets him. I don't really care about whether my father approves or not the people I date, but I do worry about how my date will feel once my father acts in dissaproval of him. My dad won't tell him anything,he's not that rude, but he *will* dislike him forever. It's just not one thing he lets go.
So, should I talk to him about this? How do you approach and adult person and tell them they've been using their forks horribly all of their life? How not to sound like the snnobiest person on earth? Should I say nothing and let him be hated by my snob father who would otherwise love him -I'm sure-?
Help | Perfect guy who uses his cutlery in an awful way; I don't care but my father does and it will be an issue. |
t3_1oyxey | Advice | Considering transferring college | So it's the start of the fourth week of my first year in college. So far it really hasn't been what I was expecting. We're all in the same room for every class, there's no clubs or societies and iv'e been finding it pretty hard to make friends, the majority of people in the year are in their late twenties brazilian people. It's just not fun and I don't know what to do. I'm considering transferring to another college where the Irish population is possibly higher or else there's more people my own age and there's more social activities but I don't know how my parents would see it. Transferring could allow me to get a grant that could potentially cover the college fees where as currently the college isn't included in the grant scheme. Sorry for the rant but it's the first time iv'e actually written this down. | College is mainly 20 something year old brazilians, there's no social aspect and there's no chance of getting a grant. Considering applying to transfer. |
t3_2nic9k | relationships | My SO [26M] refuses to take off his hat around me [18F]. He even leaves it on during sex and when he sleeps | He and I have been seeing each other for a while, but we've only been exclusive for a few weeks.
He flat out refuses to take off his hat, and won't give me a straight answer when I ask him about it. I asked him if he's doing it because he knows I'm curious and it's driving me a little crazy, or if he's afraid to take if off for some reason and he responded with, "I'm not afraid of anything."
Preemptive answers to some questions:
No, he's not balding. I can see the sides and back of his head and he has a buzz cut.
No, he doesn't have a receding hairline, I can see the tip of his hair coming out where his hat meets his forehead.
Yes, I've forcibly taken it off once. He basically held my head down so I couldn't see and he acted upset after I gave it back to him.
Do any of you have similar experiences? I'm just wondering what could explain his weird behavior. | I've never seen him without his hat and he won't give me a straight answer as to why he won't take it off. Help? |
t3_1r04rv | relationships | Me [19 M] having trouble comprehending my girlfriend [18 F] of 1 year and 4 months going to a strip club for her birthday. | Me and my SO have been together for a little while now. Her birthday is fast approaching and she is going to be going to a show called the "Dreamboys". She told me that apparently they sit at tables where they just do a show on stage..
But no, they get down, get their junk out and give lap dances to audience members. I heard about this from a friend so I questioned her, she said "I don't know" and after asking again she told me that I was right.
I'm a bit upset she hid it from me, and I can't accept the idea of her going to a strip club for her birthday, looking at other guys privates and getting close to them. I'm just not okay with that.
She hasn't said sorry for hiding it from me, and she is still going even though she admits that; 1) she understands why I'm upset; 2) she also admitted that she'll feel the same way if I went to a show like this.
It's even worse because we are trying to make a log distance relationship work, I'm in the Air Force and I have a 9 months until I move close to home. She doesn't understand how being away from her is making me insecure and yet she is still going to go.
I don't know how to handle the situation, I'm upset and frustrated. A fresh insight would be good or any advice. Thanks reddit. | Girlfriend hid idea of her seeing dicks for her birthday. I'm upset about it and don't know what to do. |
t3_wnknd | AskReddit | Reddit, I don't understand how we vilify people for paying off "insurmountable" debt, but praise recovering alcoholics/drug addicts. Can you explain? | I just don't get it.
It seems as though once a month, there's a post about paying off credit card debt that's met with a bunch of "herp derp, you're an irresponsible dumbass who got into credit card debt, its your fault, fuck you and your mother. You should be like me and never have any debt because I'm awesome and you're a fuckup!".
There are also a ton of posts about being a recovering addict of some kind, and they're all met with things like "Good for you for getting your life back on track. Stay strong! You can do it! In fact, herp de derp I sympathize completely!"
What makes overcoming one bad decision more impressive than the other? To me, any time a person can overcome their personal demons and get their shit together, it deserves praise of some kind. To be condescending and a flat out dick to these people doesn't help them. In fact, it could hurt them more in the long run.
Now, granted, this doesn't always happen, and the negativity tends to get downvoted rather quickly, but why do we do this in the first place? I'm interested to know what the negative posters are thinking when they post these comments. Do you not have any flaws? Do you not make mistakes? Or can you just not internalize this stuff?
I'm sure there are people who take umbrage at some of your problems, and have the same mentality toward one of your flaws as you're having with whatever the problem you're bitching about is. | Can't we all just be decent human beings and praise people when they overcome their personal demons, rather than acting in a holier-than-thou manner? |
t3_2j0ftb | relationships | Best way for me (24M) to get back with my ex (21F)? | So, my ex and I had a falling out about two months ago. Everything was perfect before that. Laughing, joking, just having fun. When she left for college (only 2 hours away), she started to become disconnected and eventually dumped me for seemingly no reason.
We've recently started talking again and I want to get back with her, but she's hesitant. Apparently, the reason she dumped me was because I told a (former) friend I had taken her virginity. I didn't brag about it. He asked if we have had sex, and I told him yes, and I was her first (like bros do). She found out and got extremely mad about it, but I explained to her that it was something special for both of us.
Now, I've promised to refrain from discussing our sex life, and to be as great as a boyfriend as possible. Anyone have any advice as to how to keep her? | ex dumped me because I told a (former) friend I had taken her virginity, and escalated from there. Need advice to bring her back. |
t3_12k9ry | AskReddit | When was the last time someone used the 'it's because I'm <insert ethnic background>, isn't it?' at work? How, why and what Happened? | Happened to me tonight - during the last bit of my shift, an Israeli girl (a regular) stumbles up with her BF and I tell her politely 'hi, there, you've had a bit too much to drink tonight, come back another night'. She immediately gets hostile and starts into me about how she hasn't had anything to drink. I tell her 'hey, it's just policy, if I deem you're not in full control of your faculties, you're not getting served and therefore, you're not coming in. Come back another night'.
This is when she loses her shit, flipping out and telling me to go fuck myself, that she's coming in to the club and that I'm a lowly loser piece of shit. As per my judgement, I keep my cool and tell her 'Okay, I was being nice but now you're being belligerent. There is no way you're coming in'.
Then out of nowhere she starts ripping on my appearance and then ends it with 'oh, it's because I'm black isn't it? You racist fuck, it's because I'm black, so what?! Fuck you!'
Meanwhile, her bf is just milling about so I turn to him and address him directly 'take your girl home'. He makes a half hearted attempt while she's still screaming this on top of her lungs about how I'm being a racist piece of shit while waving her hands in my face. Then as I start walking away, she grabs me, i take her wrist and calmly tell her 'go home before the cops show up and you sit in a cell until Monday'.
Meanwhile my manager has long since noticed and comes out and tells me to swap places and that he'll handle it. I go in and less than 15 seconds, he starts dialing Vegas' finest. Subsequently, she absconds in seconds.
During all of this, a few dark skinned guys who aren't drunk and hostile come up, get carded an proceed to enter. She didn't notice, being wrapped up in telling me what a racist piece of shit I was. | i turn a drunk chick away from the door and she proceeds to tell me it's because she's black, not because she's wasted and can barely stand. |
t3_zq63y | relationships | Update: pics found on phone | So we talked it out, i approached him saying that i did not want to be accusing at all and just wanted to know if these came in texts or Facebook. He said one was of a friend of his who was very overweight and lost a lot and he showed me he had saved her 'before' and 'after' for some inspiration, he has been trying to lose weight. Also showed me her Facebook where they came from. The bikini was if a bodybuilder, he said he dld it to show a buddy of her how weird looking she got since high school (she did look gnarly ) he told told me he understood why I was uncomfortable, saying if he found pictures like that of guys i knew he would ask too. He finally fessed up to all the porn links not magically being on the computer by themselves, and said if I was done being paranoid he was done lying. Apparently his ex told him he was dirty and would withhold sex if she found he was watching so he's been very secretive. After hearing that I see where he was coming from and understand totally.
Before y'all crucify me, let me state AGAIN. I do not mind porn. i have told him i would much rather have him jack it to pixels than inside a girl! I did not appreciate his very adamant lying when he knew I was OK with porn and when he knew I watched it. It made me not trust him, as he carried this lie on for 3 years. | After a long talk with no anger or accusations on either side, we are 'starting over.' Thanks for the kind words. |
t3_3034gu | relationships | Me [32 M] with my GF [37 F] 2-1/2 years, I just cannot get used to sleeping in the same bed as my gf. | I just cannot get used to sleeping in the same bed with my gf. I have read posts about this before, and most people tend to say that you'll get used to it. Well, it is has been 2-1/2 years and I cannot get used to it. In fact, I simply despise it. I cannot get comfortable and I toss and turn all night. I can get to sleep at the beginning, but I am up within 3 hours.
We have a sort of long distance relationship, and we spend about every other weekend together. I know that part of the problem is that I get back into my normal pattern when she is gone, but it really is just so much more comfortable and relaxing to sleep alone.
The issue is that sleeping in the same bed is one of the most important things for her, and I love her and want to make her happy, but I have lived alone and slept alone my whole life and I just can't seem to make the adjustment. I have tried alcohol, melatonin, meditation, exercise, depriving myself of sleep the night before she arrives...nothing works. When we do move in together, I'll buy a king-size bed, but I am not sure if that will help.
Any advice from restless sleepers in loving relationships would be most appreciated! | Cannot sleep in the same bed as my gf. Love her, but hate sharing my bed with her. Have tried lots of things, nothing works. |
t3_zeehj | AskReddit | Is it acceptable to skip a wedding ceremony and only attend the reception? | So friends of mine that are certainly good friends, but not extremely close friends, are getting married this weekend, and my dilemma is this. The wedding is out in the sticks, with the ceremony happening at 12 and the reception not starting until 5:30 pm. This leaves a large gap of time to fill, in which they have provided guests with a list of suggested things to do in the area (mostly museums and such) while they wait. I happen to have family in the area that are close to the wedding, but not close enough where it would make sense to go back in between. I would prefer to simply stay at their house until it is time to go to the reception, but I'm not sure about how this would come off. Is it tacky or in poor taste to skip the ceremony and just go to the reception? Or is it slightly ridiculous for them to make people wait 3 hours between the ceremony and the party, and ok to just show up for the good stuff? I mean I feel like it is kind of a douche thing to just show up for the party if I am in fact able to attend the ceremony as well, I just have no interest in sitting through a mass and then waiting around bumfuck to dance and drink.
Again these aren't super close friends or anything, and I highly doubt they would even notice if I wasn't at the ceremony. Thanks in advance for your help/advice fellow redditors. | Is it in poor taste to skip a wedding ceremony and just attend the reception if there is a large time gap between them? |
t3_3ux7bp | relationships | I [30 M] have been feeling hesitant about my relationship with my GF [28 F] of two years... just decided to take a break and am looking for advice. | I'll try to keep things as brief as possible. A little over two years ago I went through a divorce due to infidelity on her part. Shortly thereafter I started dating around and met my girlfriend within two months. Several months later we started dating seriously and have been in a rather serious relationship since then.
For over a year now, she has been bringing up concerns that I am not as "in love" with her as she is with me. I do love her, but these concerns are valid. She has a lot of fantastic qualities, but I'm not in love with her like I was with my ex-wife when we started dating. We've had several instances in our relationship where this came up in some fashion.
In July, I'll be moving across the country for a one year fellowship. I'm not excited about trying the long distance thing for a year and at the same time I don't want to use my move as an excuse to break things off. Furthermore, I don't want to continue the relationship for fear of either wasting her time before we eventually break up or winding up marrying her when my heart isn't 100% in it. I don't think the latter would happen, but it is still a concern of mine.
Last night these issues came up again. She asked me if I wanted to break up but I wasn't able to say that was what I wanted. She then suggested that we take a break for 3-4 weeks without contacting each other and I agreed to this. After one day, I'm missing her a lot. This isn't easy for me, but I feel deep down that it is a necessary step. My family and friends agree that I need to experience time for myself, which I never really had after my last relationship ended.
I know a lot of you have had similar experiences, so I'm just looking for any advice, suggestions or words of wisdom. Thanks. | Just took a break from my fantastic GF of 2 years because I wasn't 100% in love and needed time for myself (which I did not experience after my last relationship ended). Looking for any advice. |
t3_29vnuy | relationships | SECOND UPDATE Me [40's F] with my friend [40's M] of 6 months. Complicated. Maintain friendship, or figure out how to end the friendship without hurting him? | First post:
First | told the hubby about my affair. He was surprisingly accepting and took it well. He still loves me, is glad I told, and we're working on strengthening our relationship. |
t3_45zw01 | relationships | Me [24 M] having judgemental thoughts about my GF [23 F] of 1 1/2 years ,I don't like her recreational cocaine use. | My gf did a line of cocaine this past weekend and told me about it, bc she doesn't want to keep things from me and she knows how I feel about it. I've done cocaine before but I make a concerted effort not to do it even when I'm around people who are doing it. Haven't touched the stuff in 2 years, been offered it probably like 20 times from some of my best friends. She doesn't have a drug problem at all but I just don't want to be associated with someone who does cocaine. I feel like it represents me poorly when my gf does coke. Does anyone have any steps or ideas to help me get over this judge mental feeling ? In the big scheme of things I know it's not a big deal, and I don't think it negatively impacts our relationship, it just makes me feel nervous and anxious that she does cocaine sometimes. Occasionally I can see myself marrying her but then I think I don't want to raise a family with someone who has done cocaine.
Any help to get over this would be great. Thanks | basically my gf did one line of cocaine and I judge the shit out of her for it. I've done coke before too and know it's not a big deal but her doing coke gives me so much anxiety. |
t3_39223w | jobs | What should my brother (33) do as a career after devoting the past 15 years of his life to music? | Since he was a teenager, my brother has basically devoted his life to being a jazz musician. He graduated from a three year junior college program and then studied at one of the top universities in the country only to drop out because he felt a degree wasn't necessary in the industry.
He has toured in Europe, played center stage at some of the biggest jazz festivals in the world and is quite well known in the city in which he lives, which is one of the biggest jazz capitals but he has since lost motivation and is tired of barely scraping by.
He went back to school a few years ago to finish his degree but ended up dropping out again. He's often worked as a waiter to help make ends meet but is tired of low paying and unstable employment and is disillusioned with playing jazz. He's had to borrow a fair deal of money from my parents and get into some debt but I think he's paid it off for the most part but I'm not really sure.
He's thinking of going back to school to find some sort of career that can at least pay the bills while he explores music on the side. I think he has his sciences background from high school and he's probably one of the most personable people I know. He is the kind of guy who will be genuinely kind to anyone he meets and makes friends with just about anybody.
What are some jobs that might be good for him to transition to and that pay reasonably well and are in demand? Something that won't take too long to study would be good as well. | my brother has worked a jazz musician for the past 15 years but is now looking for a career change and isn't sure where to go |
t3_2rd1zv | relationships | I [23 M] have been talking to a girl on Tinder [21 F]. Things are heating up and it looks like she's into me, but something is off (more in the description) | So I got out of a long-term relationship (2 years) a little under a year ago. I've tried online dating several times since then, but nothing has panned out so far. I met a girl a few days ago on Tinder and she seemed to really like me. She seems to have the same kind of sense of humor that I do and I never feel like I'm forcing conversation or trying too hard to be funny. That being said, she has made a lot of sexual references very quickly and has said a few things that seem a bit fishy (particularly in regard to her living situation at different points in time). Also, she likes to sell her dirty undies on Reddit and seems quite kinky. I'm okay with this, to be perfectly honest, but I've always heard (and experienced in my previous relationship) kinky equals crazy. I don't know if I'm just over-thinking this or if I have a legitimate reason to be worried.
I can give more details in the comments if you want them. Either way, what advice do you guys have? Thanks in advance for any help you can provide! | Girl is super-sexy and seems into me, but she seems a bit overly sexual and I'm not sure if that means she's bad news. |
t3_1z84y9 | relationships | Can't tell if I'm in a relationship or not (20M/20M) | So I'm gay and 20 and have never been in a relationship before. Three weeks ago a guy who studies the same course as me at university asked me fairly casually over facebook whether I wanted to do anything at the weekend. (Bearing in mind that we hadn't really spoken before - though he did know I was gay and vice versa.) Anyway we went to the cinemas together and then got food, and since then we've spooned and watched films and I've met his friends and he's met mine and we've kissed quite a lot.
My question is how do I know/find out if what he wants is a proper relationship? (I do) And am I in one without either of us having acknowledged it properly? I know the signs (dates and stuff) point to yes but I'm getting a bit worried that neither of us have said "he's my boyfriend" or anything, and when we text there isnt really any cute name calling or kisses at the end. I guess what I'm looking for is some sort of advice on what steps to make to make it a bit more of a solid exclusive relationship because I've really fallen for him and have found myself getting quite worried/paranoid about him drifting away or wanting to sleep with other people because things aren't progressing quickly enough or something. | Been seeing a guy who I've fallen for, don't know what stage we're at/whether I'm his boyfriend or not etc. |
t3_4ku7ot | relationship_advice | Boyfriend (28M) doesn't love me (19F) as much | So me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and four months now.
For the last 2 months or so, I've been feeling like he's not as tuned into the relationship as he used to be. And I asked him if he still loves me as much as he did in the beginning (he was completely crazy for me) and he said no he doesn't. He said he still loves and cares for me but he just doesn't feel as strong a love anymore.
I was really really hurt by this and I don't know if this is a normal thing and I should just accept it or maybe we're just fading out of love for each other.
We are both each other's first serious relationship and maybe I'm naive but I want crazy in love loving all the time and I don't know if this is considered "settling" or this is normal for relationships??
Also he says he's just stressed out from school/work and I think he is slightly depressed because he's 28 and still in school and wants a better job. | Is it normal for boyfriends to not feel as in love as they were in the beginning after you've been together a while? |
t3_1rbq8g | relationships | Boyfriend (M33) and I (F31) broken up after 4.5 yrs. He's not moving out for 7 weeks. | My SO and I have been together for 4.5 years and living together for 12 months.
Recently I've felt ready to start a family, and three weeks ago I decided to broach it with him. It didn't go smoothly - he instantly clammed up, and said 'he'd think about it'.
A week ago, I brought the subject up again and expressed my frustration at his inability to discuss his feelings with me. He then opened up and said that he couldn't put his finger on why, but he wasn't sure we had a future together.
We've both decided it would be better if we took a step back from one another, and so I've moved into the spare room. I'm now battling a rollercoaster of emotions, from confusion to anxiety to utter sadness and unwavering love. What makes it worse are the moments where he's obviously second guessing himself, for instance spontaneous hugs in the hallway, or when I catch him looking at me sadly from the corner of my eye.
For financial reasons, he's decided he won't move out until our lease is up in 7 weeks. We are both very independent and in and out of the house all the time, but the thought of continuing to live together without 'being together' is very hard. How have other people coped in this situation? | Boyfriend (33) has initiated break up after 4.5yrs following discussion about starting a family. He's not moving out for 7 weeks. How to cope? |
t3_2oi1op | tifu | TIFU by trying to light by waving at it | I love candles, especially at this time of year. I'll light an apple cinnamon candle and let it go all day. Tonight I was sitting at my kitchen table whilst using my laptop and snacking on a banana. A lit candle was within reach. (It's important to note that this was one of the candles that come in glass cups, not the standing-up candles) When it was time to go to bed I blew out the candle, but noticed the wick was still very faintly lit. I blew on it lightly, and it got a little bit more orange. This excited me. "I wonder if I can relight this candle using only air," I thought to myself. I began waving / flapping my hands over the candle. It began as a slow flap but got more and more aggressive to the point where I was really putting a lot of effort in... and then I got too close.
I smacked the candle at about 800mph and molten wax flew everywhere. It spread the entire distance of the glass kitchen table, ruined the shirt I was wearing, and worst of all, absolutely covered my macbook. The screen was a splattered mess of red wax, as was the keyboard. Cleanup time is exceeding the 30+ minute mark. So far the laptop still works, but I'm pretty afraid to turn it off. | I flapped my hands like a giant bird trying to get a flame going on a candle - knocked hot wax over my entire laptop. |
t3_ihmbe | AskReddit | What should I say to a friend I just found out is getting divorced? | Just found out a friend of mine is getting divorced, he told me via email in response to an email I sent him about an unrelated subject. I have a pretty good idea what I should/shouldn't say but I'm interested in hearing from those who have gone through a divorce themselves. What did you hear from your friends that helped? What did you want them to say, what didn't you want them to say?
Some background; we grew up together and have known each other for more than 30 years (we're in our early 40's), we graduated high school together, I was one of the grooms in his wedding. We were roommates for a year or so our college years but since then have almost always lived in different states, we talk 2 or 3 times a year, get together every 2 or 3 years. If we lived closer together we probably see/talk to each other more often. He's been married 12 years and they have 2 kids under 10. He gave me no real details other than to say they have been separated for a month or so, is currently going through the legal process of divorce, and that it's taking an emotional toll on all of them. He did say in the email that he's not in a place where he feels comfortable talking about it but would check in when he's better. Only other detail I can add is that I spent a weekend with him a few months ago with a couple of other guys. He didn't mention he was having any marriage issues at the time but did text me a week later and ask me to be a rental reference so I knew something was up, my instinct at the time however was not to ask him about it.
I've already left him a voice mail (I knew he wouldn't answer when I called) and told him I was sorry to hear about the divorce and that I just wanted him to know he had my support and that when he was ready to talk I would be here him. I plan to reply to the email and say essentially the same thing. Your thoughts? | Friend I grew up with and whose wedding I was in getting divorced after 12 years of marriage, what should I say/not say to him? |
t3_50713e | relationships | Opinions wanted! Me [21M] and girlfriend [21F] want your opinions on age gaps for a project we're doing, please input. | My girlfriend and I got into a discussion the other day about age gaps as we know quite a few people in relationships with age gaps ranging from 5 years to over 20. We seem to have different opinions and we got curious and wondered what other people think about age gaps in a relationship.
We thought we could post the question here and we will post our findings in a more detailed way in the future (if there would be people interested in the subject like us).
We have a couple of examples of people that we know in different relationships and in my opinion, they are all happy in these relationships so I say leave them to it however my girlfriend thinks the couples who have age gaps bigger than 5 or so years are too large. What do you think of these?:
We know a 24 M dating a 29 F, a 21 M dating a 43 F, a 35 F dating a 26 M and a 23 M dating a 27 F.
I guess we're just looking for some personal opinions here, do age gaps in a relationship matter to you? Do you follow any kind of 'rule' when it comes to age or is it just a number to you?
If you are willing, could you also post your age and the kind of age range you tend to go for, if applicable. | Girlfriend and I got into a 'conversation' about age gaps and want some opinions from people about them. |
t3_t6k6x | AskReddit | Unloading gallons of liquid, wrong place wrong time. Reddit, what is your best poker-face moment ? | Here's me, at home watching LOTR: Fellowship, havn't seen it in a long time, wanted the nostalgia. Suddenly, i get the ungodly urge to destroy my toiletbowl, pause movie, waddle/limp to toilet (Precious goods ready to unload, cant move to fast). Get to toilet bowl, some kind of liquid blasts out of the abyss, no time to speculate, someone with keys fumbling to open door, (No worrys door is shut, they wont see the the torture im putting my toilet through)Wait shit, home alone, left door open, cant move without collateral damage all over walls, finish as quickly as possible, stand up, dont flush, pretending brush teeth, finish dirty business later. | Destroyed toilet bowl, pretended to brush teeth and acted like nothing was wrong. Despite the death pit in my toilet. |
t3_27kz7w | relationships | My [30 M] boyfriend left me [27 F] after 7 years, looking for advice in getting through the next few weeks | My boyfriend (we wore rings, lived together and were together for 7 years) left me today out of the blue. Less than 24 hours ago he told me he wasn't happy, needed to find himself & happiness within himself, and that he cheated on me 4 months ago with a former coworker of ours. He packed up his clothes and left today. We never fought, he had been a little distant, but nothing too out of the ordinary.
I am beside myself. I'm not sure what to do. I'm not very good at keeping friends, I have a couple, but they are also at our place of work (ex and I work at the same small store) and I have the opposite shift from my friends right now. I don't really have anyone else to reach out to, besides my parents, who have been great.
I went to therapy today for an hour and it was helpful. I was able to sit down and talk with "the ex" (ugh) for over an hour. We are very amicable, we both still "love" each other and care for the well-being of the other person. I feel abandoned, scared, nervous and like the rug has been pulled out from under me. I have talked with my supportive parents and they are coming to me (1000 miles away) on Monday.
I worked today but couldn't complete my shift due to not being able to stop crying. I'm not sure what to do. Any suggestions on how to get through the day at work? I can't just miss a bunch of work, especially since we're super short staffed.... and the whole money thing.
I'm sorry if this is disjointed or difficult to understand. I'm running on very little sleep and can't really figure out anything right now. | Boyfriend left me out of the blue, I would love some advice on how to cope in these first days & weeks, and just to know someone is out there listening, even if you don't have any advice. |
t3_1snjqx | offmychest | My life... | Im currently having a really hard time, so heres the story.
My girlfriend of 6.5 years cheated on me with my - so called - best longtime friend, for like months. Even in that time I drunk beer with him, played videogames and having a great time. What an ass. So to say, my whole life up to now was based on my, now ex girlfriend.
We had the same friends, shared the same hobbys, lived the same life. We lived together in a flat with two adorable little kitten we both always wanted. I miss them so much, you can't belive it. I moved 200km to be able to live with her, left my own family behind. I started to study Mechanical Engineering here, which isn't the easiest thing to do. So I can't just go back home, and hell no I fucking don't want to go to be honest.
The studies are really tough and i feel like everything is trying to pull me down.
But you know what? I started to belive that this IS life, everytime, everyday I see people who got "broken" by it and given up trying.
I won't! Really guys, don't give up. Never, go your way and everything will be fine right?
Also to mention, my problems are small to some problems other people having.
So no need to give up right?
_________________________________________________
Mildly interesting: My - so called - best longtime friend had an horrible quad accident. He will be fine but you know what? I don't give a fuck and I start to belive that justice still happens. | Life's a bitch, but I won't break. Always remind yourself to NOT give up! Keep going, I'll just reboot my life. |
t3_2w9p79 | relationships | Me [22 M] with my Dad [56 M] past few months, has been binge drinking and eating nightly and has sent texts of a depressive and sometimes suicidal nature | Hi. This whole situation has kinda blown up tonight, but it actually started a few months ago. To start depression has run in my family, my father's mother killed herself two years before I was born. Compounding this is my father's father who was a heavy drinker. These two things have combined in my dad who recently has started binge eating, drinking, sending depressed texts, and passing out almost nightly.
He is twice divorced both initiated by his wives and a few months ago he was rejected by his then girlfriend. He sent her texts saying he was going to kill himself and police became involved. This was when the problem became apparent to me.
I've talked to him, but hes a different person in the day. In fact hes a motivational speaker and very good at it which is why his nighttime depression absolutely baffles me. He hides his liquor in different locations and when I find it and confront him he says hes a grown man and I should mind my own business but I just can't.
I feel like my daily presence has helped but I'm leaving soon and terribly worried about his mental health. I've talked to him about getting help but he only wants to take counseling from his pastor and congregation.
I just want advice on what I can do in this situation to help him before I'm gone and have no control over whatever conclusion comes of this | My father drinks, binge eats, and sends depresses texts nightly then denies it the morning after. How can I help him? |
t3_4opw9d | relationships | Is it manipulative/unacceptable if I [22F] get a birthday gift for my ex [24M]? | I broke up with my ex-boyfriend about a month ago. We both agreed that it was the right thing to do, making it mutual in some sense, but there's no doubt that I was the one who heavily pushed for the break up. I think he would have tried to make things work, had I not been so set on splitting up.
He and I are still on good terms and talk relatively frequently. His birthday is coming up in 1-2 weeks and I want to get him a gift. I already recently got him a gift, however, to congratulate him on a promotion. His promotion gift was a surprise gift, and the birthday gift would be a surprise as well. The gifts aren't anything huge, on the order of about $25-$45.
While we were dating, I used to get him small, fun gifts all the time as a nice gesture. Would sending a birthday gift throw us back into awkward territory? The birthday gift is similar to a gift I got him for our anniversary a while back (an analogy would be like getting the sequel to a book.) Mostly I'm afraid that it'll seem like I'm trying to throw him bait, keeping him hanging on, so that he'll continue to stick around even though I've effectively dumped him. That's really not the case - I just want to get him a birthday gift because I think he'll like it. | My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago, but we're still friends. His birthday is next week. Can I get him a gift without it being weird/cruel? |
t3_27maei | Advice | What do I do with a creepy-stalker? | Long story short, I have my own creepy stalker-of-sorts. I met this person on a social media app several months ago. I was very upfront about how I wanted nothing more than a friendship (as I am in a serious LTR) and they were fine with it at first. After chatting online, we exchanged phone numbers and we began texting. Within a couple of days, I was regretting things because he started talking about inappropriate things, to which I always asked to stop. After a couple of weeks, I finally 'freaked out' at him, via text, asking him to stop texting me and that I no longer wanted a friendship with him. He continued to text me for several weeks, I ignored them all. I deleted his number off of my phone, and decided to move on and all was well. Last night, just after midnight, I received a text saying 'Hi MYREALNAME' (I use a fake name online). It was him again, he somehow managed to find out exactly who I was- first and last. The name I use is not even close to my real name. We did exchange photos a couple of times and that's about the only other personal information I had given him. I'm not sure what to do now, I am again, ignoring his text. Help? | Met guy online using fake name, talked via text, he's stalking me somehow because last night got text using my real name and info. Help? |
t3_4w5qps | relationships | Me [25F] with my BF [28 M] of 1 year, found folder of "friend porn"?? | A couple months into our relationship, I found like 30 folders on his computer organized by names of his exes and regular girl friends from high school/college/etc. Inside each folder were pics clearly pulled from instagram or Facebook (or personal ones sent to him). The ones from regular girls are pretty tame, mostly just jokey "sexy" poses or pictures in slutty Halloween costumes or bathing suits, but the ones of his exes are in underwear. This discovery was COMPLETELY by accident, because he forgot to close out of them and then lent me his computer. The entire thing went down right next to him. This made me really uncomfortable and he promised me he would delete them because he realized it was a little bit weird.
Now, it's months later and I was using his computer again and I saw one of the girls names pop up when I typed in "dropbox" in his search bar. He moved all the files to his dropbox account!! Every single girl is still there, after HE promised me he'd delete them. I didn't ask for him to do that, he offered it!
Should I be pissed? I STILL think it's creepy that he's jacking it to people he knows/has slept with. I know it's a big taboo for GFs to police their BFs porn habits, but is this even normal? I don't complain about him watching regular porn. To straight up save a collection of random pics over the years? Also, I'm also mad he lied to my face about deleting them... should I confront him? I feel like I will sound like a snooper and he'll try to latch onto that and blame me for looking at his stuff. | BF saves pictures of acquaintances and exes to jack off to. I don't want him to do that anymore, but is it my place to request he stop? Should I be mad he lied to my face? |
t3_2cqwrv | relationships | Should I (27F) tell my SO (28M) that I regularly hooked up with one of my friends (28M), who he will be meeting on the weekend, before we got together. | Not 100% sure what the etiquette is here. I'm having people over for birthday drinks on the weekend, one of them will be one of my good mates who I have known since high school. We have a sexual history, though I have no romantic feelings for him - when we had sex it was nothing more than sex. Thing is he's kind of a touchy feely guy, he likes to give big hugs. That's just his thing, always has been.
So, I don't know if I should mention our history to my SO. Would it just cause awkwardness or what? | Catching up with a friend for drinks who I have had a sexual past with (non-romantic), do I tell my SO about our history? Or is it a need to know basis and he doesn't need to know? |
t3_34zdcj | relationships | I [20M] asked out my roommate and good friend [20F] weeks ago, was declined. Now I'm over it, but she keeps mentioning it, and I feel bad. | I'll try to keep it short. Moved in with a few people last August, ended up hitting it off with a girl and we became friends. I wasn't originally interested (and wouldn't have moved in if I was). Over time she said some things that made me think she was interested in me, and I ended up interested in her after wondering about it too much. I never wanted to ask because we were roommates. Over time I finally did, and was amicably rejected. We had a nice long talk about it, agreeing to still be friends and just kind of let it slide. After a day or so, things were basically back to normal for me.
Fast forward a few weeks. Still good friends and roommates (moving out this week though, college and all that), and I'm over it. I'm liking the feeling of not having a crush on somebody, and I'm reeeeeally liking that I don't think about it endlessly anymore, over if she does or doesn't like me, or what she'd say if I'd asked, or that sort of thing. It's really not even on my mind, especially with finals week this week. The problem is, every few days, she'll mention it in some way. Mentioning people she did or didn't tell, asking if I or other people who knew would be mad at her, and mentioning it every time we talk about dating stuff (a fairly often topic of conversation).
It truly does not bother me anymore, but every time she mentions it I feel bad about finally asking, like I made a mistake by doing it (even though, for my own sanity, it was absolutely the right choice). I just need a way to convince her that everything is normal, I'm not/will never be mad, and that she shouldn't worry about it. How should I go about this? Should I try to convince her that everything's normal, or just let her forget about it over time? | Asked very good friend/roommate out, got rejected, now I'm cool with it. But it seems like she isn't and I'm worried. |
t3_kkx6o | AskReddit | Cancer survivor looking to get first tattoo here, can anyone draw this? | Being cancer free for 5 years, I have decided to get a tattoo as a reward for accomplishing this task. Here's my idea: after searching around I have come to the conclusion that I want the zodiac sign for cancer (crab) with a knife impaling it. I think this encompasses my "killing cancer" quite powerfully and I would love to see what the folks on Reddit can create. BE CREATIVE! Also, if anyone has another suggestion for a tattoo of this type, feel free to draw one up anyways! I am very excited to see what people will come up with. I will pick the one that I feel best fits this category and will post pictures once I get the piece done. Thanks guys! | Draw me an awesome picture of a knife killing the zodiac cancer crab and I'll get it as a tat. |
t3_1o7ejj | weddingplanning | Found out that boyfriend intends to give me an engagement ring that's been in his family. I'm not that into it... | I'm so sorry if this is an inappropriate subreddit for this issue. You all just seem so equipped to give advice in this area.
My boyfriend and I are committed to having a life together for the rest of our lives. We have talked about marriage and the future in a responsible way and are ready (we are both 25) to take the next logical steps. I have recently found out (accidentally) that he is intending to give me a family ring when he proposes.
I do not want to seem ungrateful at all and it's not like I'm expecting some huge rock, I actually prefer smaller, more simple rings in general. I'm just not crazy about the idea of a hand me down. I want something that just encapsulates our love, without the history of another couple attached to it. Honestly I don't even need an engagement ring at all. I consider myself fairly progressive in the ideas of marriage and weddings to where the traditional does not appeal very much. Something just inherently is bothering me about the prospect of wearing another woman's ring. Also his mother and father recently had a messy split, and I'm hoping his mothers ring isn't the one he's talking about, or that would just be really odd...
He is not super close with his family so I think his whole reasoning is just of convenience and time, I feel like he thinks time is running out and he needs to pop the question soon or else I'll bail. I've been particularly stressed and oftentimes unhappy the past 6 months due to work, I'm sure that is influencing his urgency.
But how do I express these concerns without revealing I know what he's intending? Is there a clever way I can get around this? Can I tell a mutual female friend to casually mention that I really love so and so style of ring or necklace or whatever? The ring is not the most important part of an engagement, but I'm trusting my gut in that I feel strangely about his plan. Anyway I'm just looking for input or if anyone has gone through anything similar. Again, so sorry if this is an irrelevant post! | Guy really wants to propose. Wants to use family ring for convenience. I feel weird about it. What do. |
t3_17hjb8 | college | Need some help with a question on financial aid, apparently I owe the school 400$. | Okay, so, I applied for financial aid and I got two grants. One from my school and the other from the pell grant, however, even though they both cover ALL of my tuition and fees and I'm even supposed to get refunded something like 700$ back I apparently owe the college around 400$.
I thought it may be because I failed a class, but I looked up on my school website how that's handled and apparently financial aid covers class re-takes as long as it's required by my major. It is required by my major since it's currently listed as business administration.The class I failed, was college algebra, I'm bad at math as it is and I missed too much of the class to effectively understand the material. I retook the class, this semester and passed and financial aid covered everything and life was dandy.
Now, It's spring, I have a lab along with 4 classes now though, as opposed to just 4 core credit classes. It's still more than covered by my grants and financial aid, so why is it that I "supposedly" owe the school around 400$. I really would appreciate any help or advice on how to handle this, Thanks. | Got financial aid - it covers all my fees/tuition yet I somehow owe 400$ to the school. Da fuck? |
t3_xy9xn | relationship_advice | It's my girlfriends birthday soon and I want to break up with her. What do I do | Hello Reddit,
I have been dating a girl from my college for a year and a bit. We were really good friends and even moved in together (with a few other friends). Unfortunately, I have come to the realization that i'm not that into her. She is really into me and I just can't reciprocate the feelings. I have been in a few semi-long term relationships before (1 year+) and I have always felt way more committed than I do now.
Right now, I begin to write her a birthday card. But I have no idea what to write. I don't love her and neither of us have ever said we were "in love". How long should I wait after her birthday till I break up with her?
(I'm sorry, I'm sure I'm missing tons of details, so feel free to ask questions. Keep in mind I live in a house with her and I will live with her for at least another year due to my lease. this isn't a big issue to me. I feel no awkwardness ever but I have no idea how this will play out considering she is really into me. I don't want to hurt her, and she's a lovely person. She's just not for me) | Girlfriends birthday coming up, want to break up she's into me I'm not into her. What do? |
t3_1vm6rh | relationships | Ladies of of reddit, [20M] How would you respond to your BF having very little emotional feelings towards you, but trying anyway? | Hello, to clarify I have never actually been in a relationship, as I'm not sure I would be able to sustain one. However I would like to try.
For example, if I was to go out on a date with a girl, i would have no idea what to talk about even in the slightest, like not even at all, the best I could do is random small talk. So I would find it very hard to keep anyones interest in the conversation going, as I am utterly uselss at conversation, I have to constantly a few steps ahead (like chess) for answers to their questions even make sense.
The main problem is that I cant read emotions, apart from things like extreme sadness or anger. This is mainly becasuse I don't feel many of these emotions much myself. I can appreciate them, but I only really feel anger and lust.
You may ask why I would even want a relationship in the first place, and I'm not entirely sure of that myself, I have had 'crushes' before, even an extremely bad one (took over my life for about 6 months, even though I only spoke to the girl maybe twice in that time)
I like the idea of a relationship, and someone that understands and cares for me, maybe one day even loves me, but I'm not sure if I could do the same back. I think the only reason I could love the other person would be because they loved me, maybe. I almost see a relationship to be more of an accessory, then serving an actuall purpose | I have a significantly low range of emotions, and wonder if I could ever actually succeed in a relationship, and I am also incredibly bad at reading emotions and displaying the right reaction to them |
t3_28wcbp | relationships | My girlfriend [22F] broke up with me [21M] for another guy and now realized how badly she fucked up. What am I supposed to do? [update] | We have been dating for 3 years. She went to volunteer abroad last month (we planned to stay together) but broke up with me a week after she left. She then hooked up with a guy she met several times and I cut all contact with her.
Yesterday the guy she hooked up with messaged me bragging about hooking up with my girlfriend (seriously who does that?) and he said it's funny because she likes him and he is just fucking around with her.
As I still care about my gf, I sent her a screenshot of what he wrote to let her know so that she doesn't get hurt (pussy move I know but I still care for her even if I want nothing to do with her anymore).
Today she calls me and left me dozens of voice messages crying and sobbing about how badly she screwed up and how much of an asshole the guy was and how she cannot believe how poor her judgement was and her choices were. I've never heard her this sad in our entire relationship. She was hysterical and sobbing and I could tell it was genuine (we have been best friends for a long time).
Obviously I know the correct thing to do is to say screw her and just ignore her. And while I don't want to get back together (at least not now, if ever) she was my best friend and the best part of my life and I hate to hear her so sad. I don't know how I can comfort her but it's breaking my heart to hear her feeling this way (she has been calling me for almost 24 hours now). What am I supposed to do?
Older posts: | Gf broke up with me, hooked up with someone else, realized he was an asshole, and now is distraught because she realized she ruined our relationship. What am I supposed to do? |
t3_qmxg9 | AskReddit | So my cake day is approaching... | I have -34 comment and 1 karma. I am clearly not the best redditor, but I love it. I try not to use forever alone b/c I'm not, but I can't help but feel like I am on reddit. What is wrong with me? I get the jokes (most times) I am patiently waiting for someone to ask me 'when does the narwhal bacon?' but it has yet to happen.
My negative comment karma came from a feminist-like perspective I was trying to give. I am a female and try not to post with pics including me. I guess what I am trying to say is I have never been the cool kid, always the quirky kid and got teased, reddit seemed like a place where I could be myself and haters gonna hate, but I thought I might get some love... | cake day comming up and realized i have always been teased in irl and now as an adult, I thought all that shit behind me, but reddit doesn't like me :( |
t3_28d61t | relationship_advice | My partner [22/m] and I [22/f] are reaching a crossroads in our relationship. | So, we've been together over 5 years. We've been dating since high school, moved in together after 2 years and haven't looked back.
Our relationship is completely stable except for one particular instance. I am a fairly motivated person and I have several life goals I'd like to achieve, while he does not.
He has no job ideas, though he is attending university. He has no ambitions he wants to achieve. The only thing he knows that he wants out of life is children.
I, on the other hand, want to travel the world teaching. I will be leaving our country in a few years once I've graduated university. I'd love to take him with me (as we could both get jobs in the same field), but he has no interest. I intend to be overseas for many years and it will be quite some time before I'm ready to properly settle down and have children.
He says he is willing to wait for me, but I am conflicted about putting both of our lives on hold while I do my travelling. | I'm looking to move overseas for some time, but my partner has no intention. We don't want to break up, though. |
t3_lalnq | AskReddit | Is my Dad lying to me? | I'm 18 and I will soon be taking an online animation school. But until then, I don't have much to do with my life, so I've spent my time staying up late at night and drawing. I prefer working at night because of the lack of distractions.
Anyway, my Dad has been rather irritated with my sleep schedule. He's been telling me that in his experience, staying up at night and sleeping during the day was bad for his health and he blames his obesity on it. When I ask him what exactly is wrong with it, he simply tells me "It's unnatural." So I've decided to come here and ask if there are any health risks actually involved with mucking up my sleep schedule. | My Dad is angry at me for staying up at night. Is there any health risks involved with having a twisted sleep schedule? |
t3_2xwluw | relationship_advice | [19/F] Guy doesn't want a relationship but I do? What do I do? | I'm [19/F] and in college. I recently gained feelings for a guy [19/M] that I have been partially seeing but nothing too serious.
We had a deep conversation for 2 hours on friday and basically it was "I cant date you for my personal family reasons (and I cant slip up in college) but I WOULD date you"
He put my expectations down low so incase nothing goes right he does not hurt me.
I don't want to push him or be clingy but I definitely want more from him in the future. I can't stop thinking about him and he's always on my mind.
I am wondering if I should continue to see him and keep my hopes up or do I surpress my feelings and just be there for him as a friend... or.... ?
When we are together face to face he gives me kisses/hugs goodbye and he plays with my hair... (this is cruelty i swear). | I want to show him I want to date him, wont hurt him and I am a super awesome person but I know I have a high chance of getting hurt. |
t3_1j0buh | AskReddit | I'm a girl gamer. A "boy" friend of mine purchased a game for me as a surprise at the end of the summer Steam sale. Why does my boyfriend seem to not care about it? | My boyfriend knows of this guy, we all went to high school together.
I was talking about this game a couple of months ago with my friend and how I was going to wait for it to go on sale before I purchased it.
I ended up purchasing other things during the last big Steam sale. When he had seen that I hadn't purchased it, he bought it for me as a gift.
My boyfriend and I share a steam account, when I woke up the next morning he was telling me that my friend had purchased me this game. At first, I was waiting for him to question me as to why, he didn't seem to think anything of it.
I can't be certain of my friend's intentions, when I asked why they had purchased it, they said they just had extra money lying around and knew that I wanted it.
If the situation were reversed, I am pretty sure I would've been pissed. | Am I over-reacting and this is a nice thing a nice guy is doing or is my boyfriend under-reacting? :/ |
t3_vxryk | relationships | Do you have any success stories of recovering from some serious/silly insecurities with your SO/close friends? | I'm in a small pickle here, but maybe your success/failure stories can help me out. My story is below but I'd like to hear about other people's experience with having a big insecurity or problem in their relationship(s) and resolving it.
WallOfText/
A few months ago, my well-going SO and I decided to try out some light poly-play with a friend and his SO (in uni). We've both known eachother for some time and have kind of eased into it. Slightly before this started, I started a temporary work assignment where I was away for the week and home during the weekend. Well, fair enough, theres a miscommunication and my SO ended up forming stronger relationships with the other group than I was ready for. At the time it was pretty serious and ugly for me. Luckily, we all fairly well recovered and are happy. Except I now have a distance/paranoia/inferiority complex. Despite a strong trust in my SO and a decent trust with the other couple, I still suspect something with them might be going on. I expressed my concern to my SO and she said, grudgingly, she would get farther away from him/them. All was fine until I saw him texting her again and it completely ruined my night. I know I shouldnt be so suspicious but its eating my mind, irrationally thinking that they're going behind my back while I'm away. And it jus plain sucks. Anything I can do to rebuild my trust in both of them? | I work away from my SO and university, tried some poly, I thought it was a physical-only foursome type deal, shit happened, recovered, now im stuck with paranoia/inferiority complex and its killing me. |
t3_1c746g | relationships | (26f, 27m) I don't like the pattern forming, how to change it? | I'm not sure if I hate my boyfriend or hate myself. Or maybe it's just a general frustration at life and partly due to the fact I came off the contraceptive pill 3 days ago (although it feels too soon to be feeling emotional effects of that).
We've been dating for 5 months and apart from Christmas have spent every weekend together, usually from Friday night until Sunday evening.
This week I saw him on Wednesday and today he revealed he can't see me on Friday, which makes me wonder if he knew he was going to be busy and just didn't tell me. But in this country you typically have to "book in" social events at least 4 days ahead, so effectively he's left me without any way to make my own plans for Friday and Saturday (although damnit, I'm going to try!).
Part of my frustration comes from the fact that despite living here for 2 years I have but 2 friends outside of work - one of whom is always busy so I end up hanging out with her and her friends and they always talk about common work colleagues I don't know (and in their own language, which I'm trying my best to learn and I'm getting there), and the other is also pretty busy and we don't have that much in common.
Which leaves me with the boyfriend. Quite often we hang out with his friends so it's not like I'm short on people, but they're not people I can call to hang out with without him.
I feel like the power balance is shifted from "equal" to "I'm dependent on him for social needs" and I quite frankly don't like it - but he doesn't give me the space to develop my own social life (unless he's busy and tells me last minute). I know part of this is my fault because I assume that since we spend every weekend together we'll be doing so this weekend and the next too… and I also want to see him as much as possible and if I make plans I don't get to see him.
Any thoughts / opinions / advice on what to do? | I feel socially isolated and bf's behaviour (and mine) isn't helping, and I'm starting to resent him. |
t3_3xqx9s | relationships | Am I (24F) to feel upset that bf (24M) refuses to spend xmas with my family? | Been together nearly 3 yrs.
We've spent all previous Christmases apart. Bf "spends" his with his mother, so basically they do their own thing in their own room and I always spend mine with my family.
Bfs mother is away this year so he has no one to spend it with. I asked him if he'd come with me to my Xmas lunch because I'd love to celebrate with my family and him together. He's totally welcome, they've already expressed their hopes he can come.
He doesn't want to.He tried to say it's not the same because they aren't his family (though he is treated as such) and then finally admitted he just didn't like anything. Didn't like the dinner, didn't like how people would want to talk to him, didn't like that there'd be a couple of children and might be some noise.
I tried to compromise and suggest that he come for dinner and then I'd bring him home but he just got annoyed and said it would still be the same.
It has upset me, because he had slight social anxiety when we got together and refused to do things regularly. It was frustrating at the time but I gave in a lot and compromised on things I really wanted and we dealt. His anxiety is hugely better and he knows my family so that can't be it and it just feels like he doesn't like them. He's met them a handful of times in the past because he doesn't want to visit.
I've told him how much this would mean to me but he said he gets his own choice and he refuses to come. He doesn't care how much he upsets me.
Am I wrong for pushing this? Who is right in this?
Thanks guys | bf refuses to come to xmas dinner even after I told him how much it would mean to me. Who is right? |
t3_24tres | relationships | Me [27 F] with [29 M] I've been seeing 3 weeks, setting communication expectations | I feel incredibly silly posting this. It is the kind of dating dilemma that seems so straightforward, and yet is driving me crazy!
I've been seeing a man I met at a local event for the last three weeks. We have been on four dates in that time. He is sweet and I like him a lot so far, but he's driving me bananas with frequent texts. Not a single day goes by without at least one text from him, and he usually texts me 4-5 times a day. At the risk of sounding mean, I find the kinds of texts he sends to be pretty pointless (stuff like, "Hope you have a great day!" or "What are you doing today? Thinking about you!"). I hate texting inane BS for hours on end. I see texting as a way to communicate essential information quickly - stuff like "Let's figure out when we'll see each other next" or "I'm on my way." For me, it's not a way to talk about the mundane. I'd rather save that stuff for when we actually see each other. And I don't tend to use my phone while I'm at work or with a friend, because I don't think it's polite/appropriate - so I'm not constantly checking my phone.
For now, I've been texting him back with every text (sending "Thanks, you too!" when he tells me to have a great day, for example). But it's frequently getting tedious and is starting to aggravate me, overshadowing the fun we have on our dates. I've told him that I can't text at work, hoping that would cut down on the volume of texts, but he doesn't seem to have gotten the hint. How can I tell him that his constant texting is aggravating me and making him less attractive to me, without upsetting him/hurting his feelings? | Man I'm dating texts me far more often than I'm comfortable with and it's getting in the way of my interest in him. Suggestions for how to raise this without seeming like a distant, uninterested ice queen? |
t3_1ex3if | relationship_advice | What should I be conscious of in my relationship to make it last? (19F 19M) | I'll start off with some background of my relationship with my boyfriend. We're both 19, and in college at the same school. Today marks our 6 month anniversary, but we've known each other for nearly a year now. He started things really slow and we talked for 3 months before actually dating. He was a virgin when I met him, hasn't had much experience with girls, so I am his first "real relationship". I've had relationships prior to this so I have a handful of experience but I feel that I need to be much more conscious of things that are happening in a relationship that could potentially end it. We have good communication with each other. Like any typical relationship, we fight, but we talk it out and tell each other what we want. We've been through A LOT together the past 6 months (good and bad) and each day I'm realizing how much I want this to last with him. We haven't said to each other we love each other yet, but I do know I love him. What are some things I could look for (other than communication since that is typically a big problem for relationships) to keep this relationship healthy like it is? | Me and my boyfriend have a great relationship and I want it to stay like that. What can I look for other than good communication to make sure this relationship remains healthy like it is? |
t3_2b58wq | books | About Swan Song by Robert R. McCammon | First of all I'd like to point out that despite what you may have heard, read, or even believed, after reading the description on the back, Swan Song is not a knock off of the Stand by Stephen King. I have read both and enjoyed each for their own merit. The Stand is a popular book around here, well known and well loved. I hear little of this affection for Swan Song. It is a beautifully written experience with it's own nuances, themes and distinct characters. If the Stand plays out like real life then Swan Song is more akin to an opera. The evil characters are darker, the good characters, more innocent. You fall for each character as you are supposed to, with empathy, sympathy, pity, and, at least in my case, something like genuine care. These characters are thrust into action that feeds your primal emotions like a well tuned overture. It just satisfies. | Swan Song by Robert R. McCammon =/= the Stand by Stephen King, both are well worth it. If you loved the Stand give Swan Song a similar chance. |
t3_4i9b9x | relationships | Me [24M] confused about relations with [22 F] friend | Hi Reddit!
I have been interested in my friend, call her Sarah, for quite a while, and was shot down earlier by her this year for just not being interested in me. However, after getting tipsy recently we moved to her room, made out, and rounded a couple bases (hate this metaphor).
The next couple of days, I've found that she's been acting slightly more flirtatious, being more talkative with me, and has left me notes and done nice things for me.
Is it possible that she's had a change of mind? Was it just a few drinks that made it easier to interact? We have been drunk together many times before, so I'm not sure why this time would have been different. I've not really had a relationship before so I'm not really sure how to advance at this point.
Thanks for all your help! | Is told by Sarah that Sarah is uninterested in me, later has relations with Sarah and a seemingly change in attitude from Sarah towards me. |
t3_2t46pw | relationships | I [20M] have taken up fitness as a hobby in the psst couple of months. Girlfriend [21F] is not happy about it. | So I've always been kind of chunky. Throughout high school I weighed 190-210lbs, all fat, not a bit of it muscle.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year now and I was 190lbs when we started dating. So in November I started eating much healthier and exercising and I've managed to lose 20lbs and put on a little muscle.
My girlfriend isn't the thinnest person in the world, but she certainly isn't fat. To be honest, she could stand to lose 15lbs, in my personal opinion. However I still love her the way she is right now.
So in recent weeks, she's been expressing displeasure with me going to the gym and not eating out with her late at night at places like Steak n Shake like we used to. I brushed it off and didn't think much of it.
Well, the other night she broke down crying saying that she didn't want me to work out because she was afraid I would leave her once I get fit and find her unattractive. I told her this isn't the case, and that I love her. But I said that if that's what she thinks, why doesn't she go to the gym with me and we can both get in shape together? Her family members are all teetering the line of obese, and their meals consist of carbs and fat, rarely any vegetables or healthy choices.
She took that as me saying I think she's fat, and proving her fears true.
She said she would try to eat healthier, but whenever we go out, she wants unhealthy food. We went to the mall last night and walked by the food court. She **begged** me to get ice cream and I said I didn't want any and that she probably shouldn't have any if she really wants to get fit and she got upset about that and got ice cream anyways.
How do I convince her that I'm not going to break up with her, and that I'm just tired of being fat and out of shape. Or help her want to become fit with me? | I was fat. I am now losing weight. My girlfriend doesn't like that and is afraid I'll leave her, but refuses to make healthy choices herself. |
t3_2zrtrx | tifu | TIFU by using an accidental big dick as a wallpaper | Years ago, I decided to download a bunch (as in 1000+) of artistic photos and put on a folder, and i have an internet trigger to fetch more pictures (from sites like 500px, deviantart and some others) and put in said folder. I also set windows to change the background image - it picks a random one from that folder each 30 minutes, so i always have some nice new fancy background. the most NSFW picture i saw was a woman hidding her breasts with both her arms, but it was clearly artistic because it was black and white, with a strong red rose on her head. So i never though there would be an sexually explicit photo lurking around to surprise me.
But turns out there was.
Earlier today I was going to give a quick presentation to my class about this assignment and i brought my computer with me. I plugged the notebook to the projector and opened it. I was using the computer before the presentation and the background was set to a couple kissing under the rain, nothing problematic.
But a couple seconds after it started projecting, the background image switched to a guy with a huge dick. A picture straight from my deepest gay nightmare, that burned right into everyone's retinas.
Everyone was in silence as I gave my 5 minute presentation and then i quietly left the room.
The worst part is that yes i am gay, and a couple friends from the classroom knew, and they think i did it on purpose as some sort of openly get out of the closet thing.
I have no idea what to do. | accidently used a guy with a big dick masturbating as background and projected it to my audience before a presentation and some people think it was on purpose as i am actually gay |
t3_2fbprv | relationships | Wondering if anyone has any stories (successful or unsuccessful) of dating a girl you were "friendzoned" with. [18 M] | I am in college and my best friend is a girl, and I have developed a crush on her :/ I have known her for a year now.
Just wondering if anyone has advice to share, or some experience to speak of. thanks!
or if there is already i thread about this stuff let me know. (i didnt see one) | have a crush on a friend. was looking for advice or hearing your stories till she got back together with the ex. |
t3_4p6n6w | relationships | I recently caught my wife (both early 30s) sexting with a coworker. Not sure how to move on. | My wife and I have been married for 7 years and been together for 17. We recently hit a rough patch where we had stopped communicating and both were a little unhappy. I began to talk to her about this and she mentioned she hadn't been happy and the issues at hand were my fault. We talked it out and decided we'd work on our issues. Shortly after this I sit at my computer and see facebook open and catch a glimpse of a conversation with her best friend.
As it turns out they have been talking about how unhappy she is with me and how she's tempted to cheat with a co-worker. I confront her with this and it turns out she's been sexting with him for almost a month but claims nothing has happened. As we have 2 young children together and a long history we decide to move forward. We've begun counseling and are generally happier than before but I'm having a hard time moving on from this. I want to trust her and move on but I now constantly feel like she's just going to decide she's done or that she's still carrying on with this guy from work. I'm just not sure how to move forward. | Caught wife sexting with co worker. Have gone through counseling and are in a better place but I still have trust issues. What can I do? |
t3_xvjt2 | AskReddit | Pro & Contra of doing your stuff when drunk? | I use to write fictional stories. I'm not that good in writing, but it is my thing and I love doing it.
But I have a huge handicap: As living with ADHD, I get so easily distracted by every and anything, even in a total vacuum I would find something irrelevant to focus on. Sometimes I have to force myself so hard to write, all I write down is not even worth to for rewriting/editing.
Recently I discovered, after some glasses of booze, I could write like I am flying or something. Hours pass by, page after page. And when I'm sober later, it feels great to edit and correct the story.
I think, looking to the lived lives of so many artists, painters, writers etc. most of them went by this technique.
But drinking while doing my stuff has a huge disadvantage to me: When I stop drinking after a few glasses, I got a massive headache, can't stop going on. When I continue drinking, I get to a point where I'm so drunk that I'm writing down complete nonesense. It seems it's totally uncontrollable.
So I'm wondering: What are your thoughts of doing creative stuff while being drunk (pros and cons. But don't complain about the health aspect, everyone knows that such techniques are bad for the body and can turn into an addiction..) | I can write better & way more focused when I'm drunk, but can't hold the "Ballmer's Peak". |
t3_24gq68 | relationships | my bf [m 26] is trying to break up with me [f 22] and we've only been official a month and dating a year! | So my boyfriend keeps saying things like "I was much happier when we weren't together because I didn't have to worry about you cheating on me all the time." We've been seeing each other for over a year and I have been monogamous and he was with other people but justified it by saying he was never gonna date me and i was probably with other people too. I forgave him and we started dating (it's fb official and everything).
Everyone knows I'm in love with him and wouldn't cheat on him, but he doesn't know that because I have been his off and on girlfriend for seven years and I have seen him and other people at the same time... but hey! He was doing the same thing. He is super paranoid about being cheated on because everyone he's dated has cheated.
We we're young, but we have a lot of history and I want a future with him because he's my soulmate. I want to prove to him he's everything I want and need. | my off and on bf of 7 yrs thinks im a lyin cheating slut and wants to break up with me all the time & I don't want him to because I want to be with him forever :c |
t3_3idefp | Advice | Been feeling unmotivated lately | I'm 19, I live in Mexico, currently studying an Engineering degree in Computer Science, lately I've been feeling a little bit unmotivated, I certainly enjoy my career, but sometimes I feel like I'm not getting the best out of my education, some times I feel like we the students end up correcting what some of the teachers say, which makes me feel unsure about the education received, even though I've been getting good grades, sometimes I feel like it's not worth it, also, the way the school system works, how school thinks it owns every second of your time gets to me, which makes school a hell of a lot more stressful, I also have another thing I like a lot, music, I enjoy playing music, and have been studyibg the whole theory behind it for about 2 years now, and I really enjoy every second of it, even the times I have to study at home. | enjoy career, not enjoying school, which makes me enjoy my music a lot more, don't know what to do. |
t3_3bfq77 | tifu | TIFU by using public toilets | I am a 16 year old boy and today I was out and about with my friend in a town. We were sat town park and I decided I wanted to go to the toilet, I thought it would be a good time to check my small toe as all through the day the nail had been digging into my other toe so I ran straight towards the toilets with out noticing something very important... I went straight into a cubicle and pulled my sock and shoe off, while inspecting my toe nail i noticed a little girls voice on the outside of the cubicle, so my first thought was that it was obviously a single dad who's daughter needed the toilet... but then I heard another females voice, only this one sounded a lot older. So without looking where is was going I had walked straight into the female toilets and locked myself in the cubicle. I immediately sent a text to my friend to double check that the toilets on the left were for females... and yes they were indeed. So during all of this hell I could hear many women walking in and out, blocking my exit for escape, as well as the noises of women going to their business and one little girl describing what she had to do when she went to the toilet. After about 10 minutes of being in hell itself I thought to myself that right its time I need to make an exit. So as soon as it went quiet i unlocked the door and made a run for it, there was one women washing her hands on one side (hopefully she didn't notice or just thought that i was a tom boy-girl. so that no one would recognize me walking over to my friend and thinking that he just came out of a girls toilets I made a sharp left out of the park, took my hat and jumper off and circled round to my friend... Little to say he was almost in hysterics when i got back to him. And to top the day off I left my wallet on the bus on the journey home. | I walked straight into a women toilets not knowing i was indeed doing so, realized that lots of ladies were know in here had to wait 10 minutes to escape and entertained my friend in doing so. |
t3_4elzrc | relationships | I (27F) am scared of becoming the jaded, bitter single woman. | I've been back on the online dating scene for over a year. There's been a couple of mediocre hookups but no relationships. Ideally I'd like a relationship but I'm open to casual sex while I look because, well, I have needs.
My problem is that I'm getting increasingly disappointed by my interactions with these guys. A surprising amount of men who are already in relationships contact me and that has started to make me feel suspicious of everyone else. I hate that. I don't want to accuse an innocent guy of being a cheater. Another overwhelming problem is "pic collectors" (guys who say they wanna meet up but don't and continually ask for more pics). I also am disappointed by the sheer lack of effort. I mean, even if I say I just want a FWB type of thing, I feel like they forget I'm even human and just bombard me with nonstop graphic sexual talk. If I say I want a relationship then there's still lack of effort in just making basic conversation. I try to offer up info about me and ask open ended questions and I get back "lol yeah" or "haha". Some accuse me of catfishing and posting fake pics. Some back out right before meeting. The most promising prospect I've had was a guy who I really like and told explicitly I wanted a relationship with, but lead me on for months (my fault, I should've ended it sooner). Each time I start talking to a new guy I try super hard to forget all my past bad experiences so I don't give off a bitter vibe, but still no luck. I know I need to take a break from online dating but I feel like I wanna be "available" to as many people as possible. After another upsetting exchange with a guy I thought I really liked last night (he got very shady about when/where to meet up for the first time) I just felt so angry and bitter. I know there have to be decent guys out there but I haven't met any yet. | After over a year of online dating I'm becoming increasingly wary of men. How do I maintain motivation to keep dating and prevent becoming bitter? |
t3_50pryf | tifu | TIFU by tying a potato to my ceiling fan | I decided to hop on the recent potato train with a tale that happened about two years ago.
I was in my junior yer of high school and skyping with a group of friends. A popular vine that had been going around was [this one] a potato slowly flying around a room while a kid sings a parody of Frank Ocean's "Thinkin Bout You". In all my momentary 16 year old glory, I decided that I was going to recreate the vine. So I went downstairs, dug in the pantry, and pulled out a hulking solid block of a potato. The bigger the better, right?
After going back upstairs, I used a strap to tie the potato to the ceiling fan. I focused my webcam onto the ceiling fan, and flicked on the fan.
It was funny at first, watching the potato glide around my room on the strap, I made my friends laugh, mission accomplished. I decided to just leave the potato on the fan, flying around my room.
What I did not know was that my fan was on the highest setting, and the devil's whirlwind was only starting its potato fueled fury.
Now, my room back at my parents house was small. Very small. And this potato was very large and very heavy. I didn't notice what was happening until I heard the fan started to make thunking noises. The potato is zooming across the room, and since the strap hung down, it's at head level with me. I'm panicking, desperately trying to avoid the flying projectile potato, and hopelessly watching it knock everything in my tiny room down. It's hit me at least twice by now, and that shit hurt like hell. All of my friends on Skype are witnessing this happen to me and screaming like idiots. I take my computer and manage run out into to hall, examining the damage- (the potato has started to weigh the fan blade down by now,bending it) before turning off the fan and watching the potato come to a stop. I had two potato sized bruises for the next week. | Tied a potato to a ceiling fan, it became a dangerous projectile, destroyed my room and almost my ceiling fan. |
t3_2j34eg | relationships | Girlfriend banged her ex right after we broke up then lied to me | (20m girlfriend 21f) So yesterday through conversation with a friend I found out that my girlfriend ( susy) had slept with her ex (chris) like 3 fucking days after I broke up with her. Idk why my friend didn't tell me but that's unrelated.
A week later or so susy and i started talking and got back together. This was 5 months ago. she never told me this happened.
It hurts so much because john had caused many issues to our relationship before. Like many! He is in her friend group. I was always suspicious of him and waalaa. Now you know why
But also susy is saying she was drunk and he took advantage of her. Like rapey behavior. She said no while sober and yes while drunk basically. Which can be interpreted both ways depending on your views or law. I am saying, " Ok let's file a report to his college" but she refuses.
I don't know what to make of Susy's betrayal, like if she loved me she wouldn't have fucked him or put herself in that situation. And this refusal to file a report is crazy to me. Makes me think she's lying to me. I cant decide whether to stay with her or not. Oh and before I found out, during the last 5 months, after all that she still wanted to hang out with him and her friends. Apparently because she didn't want him to tell. She swears she didn't want it. But didn't say no for some reason.
I just don't know what to make of it. She regrets all of it. And seems to never wanted it in the first place. Please help!!! | ex girl friend banged her ex bf. saying she did want it. idk what to do or think. |
t3_2slqxx | relationships | Me [27 M] with my ex [26 F], we just broke up after 3 years because of my injuries. Help? | Hi, I'm a 27 year old software engineer in Boston. I have had a whole host of issues after breaking up with my old girlfriend, and I was wondering if you guys could give me some advice.
We had an excellent relationship for most of the 3 years, and we were talking about maybe getting married and plans like that. We both had stable jobs, and things were looking pretty good. Then, driving to my apartment one day from work, I was smashed by a truck running a red light (or so I'm told). I don't actually remember it, it is just sort of a gap in my memory. I suddenly came to 2 days later in a hospital bed, where I learned I had broken 17 bones and would not be able to leave the hospital for months.
My girlfriend never came and visited me even once during the 5 months I was there, and I even had some family members call her phone, but she seemingly had just vanished. I was heartbroken. But after returning home, I found expensive equipment missing from my apartment: my TV, laptop, iPad, and other items. I was confused and I spent a while tracking her dad's cellphone number down in phone books. When I called him, she answered and cursed me out for "leaving" her after I got in the crash. Apparently she thinks I abandoned her by being confined to a hospital bed for months. She told me she smashed all my expensive shit in a rage.
Is there anything I can do about this? Any legal options, settlements, etc? My life was already thrown off course by a mile after the crash, and I want to start rebuilding, but this business with my ex has put me down a bit. | Got into an accident, confined to hospital bed for months, girlfriend left me and smashed all my shit. What are my options? |
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