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t3_40do0n | relationships | I (25F) fucked up and read facebook messages from partner (25M) to a friend of his. He writes that he was seeing someone else at the same time as going out with me and called me a psycho with no feelings | I know, I know.
Curiosity killed the cat as I decided to have a look at some facebook messages between Adam and a friend of his, Ian.
Background: I have been seeing Adam for about a year. We decided rapidly to move in together (to another city) and it has been working great. When we started seeing each other he'd make comments as to how he hadn't seen anyone in ages (neither had I) etc. A couple of times I felt he was estranged or pulling away from me, but he'd explain it as him being nervous. These things have not happened since moving!
Just 10 minutes ago was the setting of my royal fuck-up. Adam's friend Ian is someone I thought I had not met due to him living far away, however we recently realised that I dealt with him being out of his tree on pills and drink one night at work (nightclub security) when we compared pictures and stories. So when I logged on and saw messages from Ian I thought I'd have a look (I know, terrible mistake) to see if Adam had been mentioning this. I went back a little, and all of a sudden there were messages from when we were just newly an item, Adam bragging about "playing two birds at the same time". Ian asking if the 2 girls know of each other and Adam responding that "of course not. they are both complete psychos anyway, I am pretty sure they don't have feelings."
Maybe it's just guy talk. We never mentioned we were exclusive as such (I just assumed) so I can't be hurt over it. But I know that he'll be home from work soon and I can't act normal. I can't believe he would say that. And he must have been lying about not seeing another girl for some time when we started going out? What can I do apart from admitting my faux pas? | partner of one year admits in a facebook message that he was seeing someone else a while ago. Called us both psychos without feelings. I want to leave. |
t3_4scqc8 | relationships | What should I do? | Me [23 M] , Well it all starts from a girl that I met offline. We were talking for a year and finally met. I very much like her but she has to move to another state where I can't reach her. Because I am terrible at meeting other people or other people don't seem to enjoy my company depressed. It took me a year to be able to get so far with her and she is leaving. I feel as if I am lowest on the totem pole and defective since other members of my family and friends are getting engaged and never have any of these problems. | The girl that I liked and maybe perhaps love is moving so far away. I am terrified of being lonely since it is so hard to find other people. I am terrified of being on the lowest spot forever. What should I do? |
t3_saxdl | AskReddit | What's happening to me? | So I've recently started taking prescribed meds (Zoloft) and they've done wonders to my mood. However, last night I pretty much had the equivalent of an LSD trip: I was falling asleep but then it started w me being able to hear and be conscious about my heartbeat. Eyes still closed, I began to see images and colors that swirled inwards (like those hypnotic black and white circles that spin) mostly red and black. I couldn't really see what they were since when I tried focusing on them, they just swirled away to be quickly replaced w new images. I opened my eyes and they were still there. My hands looked like they were "leaking" since they didn't really have a defined shape.. then they started glowing red like ET. I turned the lights on and it went away,, but once they were off they came back. I was kinda freaked out at first,, but by the end I just went w the flow because I didn't know what else to do.
So I just took them a few hours ago (1 per day) and fast forward to now, I felt weird like I did last night. So I went to the bathroom, closed the door, shut the lights off and 'lo and behold, I'm seeing patterns.
So yeah.. I didn't know where to post this so hopefully you guys can help me. I'll tell my psychiatrist and psychologist about it, naturally, but for now I just need to understand what's happening and why. Thanks for your help! | Took prescribed Zoloft last night, had an LSD-type trip. Took some this morning, same deal. |
t3_19vovs | BreakUps | My (18m) girlfriend (18f) of a year cheated on me with a girl, and is now dating her. We were so in love, she saved me from my depression, I can't do this. | It happened a month ago, we're both at school so we only see each other on weekends. I never saw this coming. We both had pretty bad emotional issues which we helped each other through, and were so in love. I wake up every morning, remember what happened, and my heart re-breaks. She was kind, loving, and so in love with me. She was my best friend. I've been coping with this for a month, but it's been impossible. I still love her. I'm so lonely. I'm a freshman in college and haven't made close enough friends yet to help me deal with this. I've rebounded but its made me feel worse. The memories are crushing me, help, please. I still don't fully understand how it happened. She didn't really explain, and in the course of a week she was gone from my life. The girl I loved for a year. Who loved me more than anyone ever has. It doesn't make sense, but I haven't contacted her since it happened other than a few texts. I don't hate her, just let-down by her immaturity and heartbroken beyond anything I've ever felt. I wish she'd just shot me in the arm. My family is super fucked up and I can't rely on them for emotional support, so I now have no one. Please help. | emotionally crippled by loss of girlfriend who I'm still deeply in love with, can't process that the kind, loving, girl I knew would do this to me. |
t3_y62jl | AskReddit | Am I an asshole for bringing everybody at work Kripsy Kreme doughnuts? | I really do not know how to feel so please someone help me out.
I've been working at a small business with people that I get a long with fine but are a bit older than me. I'm an intern this summer.
This is my last week at my job, and I thought it would be nice to get everyone surprise Krispy Kreme doughnuts for breakfast.
* I woke up early
* Drove way out of the way to find a Krispy Kreme store
* Spent my own money on 2 dozen hot-off-the-line doughnuts
* Set the spread of delicious doughnuts out in the kitchen with some napkins for people to use.
Now I was expecting to get some "Thank yous" or "have fun back at school" since this is my last week with the company. This was not the case. You'd think I shit in everyone's cereal. I got a couple jokes like "aww why did you bring these, i'm on a diet" in the beginning of the day and chuckled them off thinking "oh well, other people will have to enjoy them".
The entire day people were cursing my decision of bringing doughnuts to work, everyone had something to say concerning how 'evil' I was for bringing them in, and my boss even jokingly said "If you bring these in again, you're fired".
I can take a couple jokes, I get that krispy kreme doughnuts aren't the most healthiest snack, but holy shit. Not one person said thank you. Everyone basically made me feel bad for going out of my way to do something nice. **Not to mention they drained the entire two dozen doughnuts I had brought by lunchtime.**
I don't know how to feel about this. Did I actually do something wrong? I feel like shit right now and was trying not to break down on the way home. I don't know if to resent my asshole coworkers or apologize for trying to be nice.
Can anyone tell me how I should feel right now? | Brought Krispy Kreme's to work for a breakfast surprise, was berated all day for bringing in the treats, everyone complained, nobody said thank you, they still ate all my doughnuts. |
t3_2igpql | askwomenadvice | My girlfriend recently broke up with me over her own personal problems, she said I did nothing wrong. I'm just looking for advice on how to show her I still want to be the one for her. | She said the relationship was working and that I made her very happy, she just couldn't handle it right now. I've told her since the break up that I still think she is the perfect girl and she's who I want. We've known each other for a few years now, but have only been talking/dating for 3-4 months. This girl means so much to me, I just want her to let me help her and be there for her. She said she wants to remain friends and be close but she can't say anything about the future. I don't know if this is a bad sign, or just her looking out for my feelings. I also know that it's going to take time and wont happen overnight, she has to work out her own problems. Please ladies, give your best advice on how I can show her all these things. I cant emphasize how much I want her.
If any other information is needed to give advice, just ask. | Girlfriend just recently broke up with me over her own personal issues. Looking for advice on how I can show her she's who I want and I want to be there for her. |
t3_2004vz | dating_advice | What to do after meeting a girl drunk? | Hi guys..So I'm a senior in college and there's a place where people go to dance/make out all that stuff..Usually it doesn't mean anything but on Friday I met a beautiful girl and we danced/made out for awhile and it was awesome..I got her number but she didn't want to hangout that night which I respect. We were texting for awhile yesterday but she was taking a long time in between texts and it's hard to tell if she's interested. I haven't texted her today because I don't want to come on too strong..I was thinking of texting her tomorrow and asking her to get coffee, is that a good first thing to do to get to know someone better? Any tips would be greatly appreciated.. | Met a girl drunk at the bar, we danced/made out for awhile..Texted a little, hard to tell if she's interested..Want to ask her for coffee, good idea? Any tips? |
t3_1jlp5t | relationships | I(18/m) just found out my girlfriend(17/F) of one year cheated on me. It's been a week and she wants to get back together | I had been suspecting that she had done something for a few months and I finally demanded an honest answer and she admitted that she kissed a boy and a week later slept with someone while I was away on vacation.
Both time she claimed to be really drunk and swears it's a one time thing and I believe because she was honest with me and denied when I finally confronted her. However I still ended up dumping on the spot.
However, last year she literally saved my life. I had drunk an eighth of vodka and ready to shoot myself, but then she called me telling me she wanted to see me so I went to her house(passed out on the lawn, but that's a different story) and then we ended up dating, yada yada yada, I didn't kill myself and my depression was improved considerably. So now that we've broken up I've spiraled back into depression and she wants to get back together. It's hard for me to even look at her now but I honestly don't think i'll be alive by the end of the year if I don't have anybody. She keeps talking about how she's willing to do anything but I kind of hate her now. Is she even worth the trouble? | Girlfriend who saved my life got drunk and cheated on me. I broke up with her and she wants to get back together. I hate her now and I'm depressed again, what do? |
t3_42j7qg | relationships | Couples with busy schedules: How do you find the time to spend time with each other? It's difficult for my boyfriend [25/m] and I [24/f]. | I know I'm not the only one, but it's been driving me insane on how busy our schedules have been. I recently turned full time (Mon-Friday, 8am-4pm) and I do night classes 3 nights a week from 6pm-10pm. I come home and my boyfriend has to go to work at night; my boyfriend comes home in the mornings and I have to head to work.
If it's just an "adult" thing I have to get used to... Please tell me how you do it. Luckily, I was able to enjoy a lovely day with him yesterday on our day off. Is that the key? Seizing the moment to finally be able to spend time with your loved one? | Boyfriend and I work full-time. I work from 8-4pm Monday-Friday with night classes 3 times a week, and boyfriend works 10pm-7am. I'm kind of going insane. |
t3_2jgcun | relationship_advice | [17M] Going on a "date" with a girl [17F] this weekend, but think I'm falling for another female friend | To start off, I'll explain the "date" AKA Molly. It started off with me and the girl im going on a date with. We started chatting, and after some time she said she wanted to double date with me and my friend, and Molly and her friend (Me dateing her friend). This was just for fun.
Then my friend started seeing another girl. Molly decided that she could go with me instead, and my friend and his girl join.
This was planned months ago.
Couple of weeks ago I was out drinking with my friends. This girl called Charlotte and I have been friends since about June-ish and we've just been friends. Since we started drinking, we've had alot of serious conversations, the kind we dont speak of too even our bestfriends.
Two weeks ago I might have kissed her, memory not very clear (Thats atleast what she told our mutual friend).
And last weekend I would've kissed her, if not for the fact that I threw up earlier.
I think I might be falling for this girl, but I dont know for sure yet. And I feel bad going on this date with Molly, when I might like another girl. I dont know. | Going on a date with a girl (Not really labeled as a date), but Im thinking I have feelings for another girl. Do I blow off the date for something that might not even exist ? |
t3_290gz5 | personalfinance | [PA] Any advantages or unnecessary risks of "buying" my parents' house? How can we do it while minimizing expenses? (x-post /r/legaladvice) | The [original post] is worth a read, but it really comes down to identifying ways to transfer my parents' house to me while incurring as little tax, interest, and other costs as possible.
One idea I had was to purchase their home from them on mortgage. They then pass the proceeds back to me. I use the proceeds to pay off the mortgage on my own house as well as a large chunk of theirs, and effectively lower my interest rate and minimum payment in the process. They effectively become my tenants, with their rent covering property taxes and repairs.
Also, the idea of a [life estate deed] was brought up in the comments, so I'm investigating that.
The original post describes both my security and that of my parents. Short story: they're retired-ish, well-off, but not wealthy, and I'm in a secure job with excellent financial discipline and some money to throw around. | The primary goal is to put the house in my name eventually paying the least taxes, fees, interest, etc. possible. How best can we do this? |
t3_1otlnj | relationships | I am a 18M who is having troubles with his personal desires relating to my 18F girlfriend of two years. | My girlfriend and I are leaving school and moving onto university next year. The problem I am having is that I can't seem to stop thinking about other girls. I feel that I am running out of time to be with other girls and perhaps see if there isnt more to what I already have. It isn't that I don't have feelings for my girlfriend anymore and I still really care for her. But things being as they are I am fairly immature and I really need some advice or help.
I understand how this may sound to people, like having your cake and eating it too, but I cant shake these thoughts and they are really starting to get me down. I can't stand the thought of hurting her. I am constantly out with my friends and watching them at bars or while camping makes me very jealous, not because they are getting girls, but because of their freedom to if they want.
I have always been faithful to my partner and have never hurt her at all, can someone please offer some insight? Sorry if I am being to vague but I am fairly new to how all this works. | I am doubting my own ability to remain faithful to my partner in the upcoming months even though I still love her. I am afraid for her. |
t3_36ks3t | relationships | My gf [28f] of almost four years broke up with me [32m] and later that week we got a termination of lease on the house we rent. Looks like we're going to move into a new place together. | My gf broke up because she says I'm too judgmental about her spending (we share a bank account) and that I'm not ambitious/motivated career-wise. Makes sense to me because I got laid off from the job I hated back in February.
I've been trying to find work but haven't had any luck yet. She has a well-paying job and we had (stress on "had") some savings so it wasn't the worst.
Then a few weeks ago she breaks up with me for those reasons I said. It's been devastating for me. There was no question in my mind that we'd always be together. I know that's cliche, but it's never happened like that for me.
Anyway, on top of that, we found out we have to move out of the house we rent together (in two weeks). Since I don't have any kind of income she offered that I could follow her to the new place she found to rent. Then, when I get a job and straighten out my finances, I can move out on my own.
This is not an ideal situation, to put it mildly, but it's either that or move in with my mom--who herself is going through a divorce and lives pretty far away.
That's all pretty bad, but the worst for me is the breakup. Packing everything up and stumbling upon all our old things is so, so rough. I would move into my trunk if it meant we could get back together.
Does anyone have any general advice or just kind words? | Having a really hard time with a breakup and now I probably have to move in with her because I'm unemployed and we still share a bank account. |
t3_1mrk2s | AskReddit | Are there schools that offer careers in cultivating marijuana? And besides growing for patients, are there labs for growing medicinally? | Let me start off by saying I have not smoked marijuana for a number of years. If some of you think this is a "pipe dream" I don't entirely blame you, it feels like an unreal thing to do, yet people do it everyday legally. Growing is one of the only things I've ever been passionate about. Starting with a seed and creating a strain that can be used to alleviate and soothe or just make you giggle like a school girl just fascinates me. If I could make a career out of this, it would truly be my dream job. And I don't feel that way about anything else. I can't find very much on schools offering a program for cultivating marijuana specifically. The closest being that the University of Mississippi has the "Marijuana Project" for the pharmacology department.
As for the job, I understand the growing from home for a patient, which would be great. However, it would be costly to start up as well as the regulations on it can be a pain in the ass from what I gather. So therefore a clinical environment(not necessarily government) would probably be ideal. But I can't find anything on government funding labs or labs in generally(except Ole Miss) that offer this. Any information on either of these questions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. | I'm not just some stoner who wants to grow weed. I'm looking for a legitimate career in something I find joy in. |
t3_wolls | Pets | Can dogs get cancer or diabetes? | I have a yorky that's around 7 years old.
He likes my dad and hangs around him a lot cuz I'm not home due to college. But for the past 4 days he's been really tired and basically acts like a grandpa. He has no energy at all to do anything, he just lays on the bed with his eyes open. He has troubles walking straight and exercising which he usually never does anyways;;. He's kinda obese, but not like crazy obese. Nothing changed in the way he lives or how we treat him at all, so we have no idea why he's like this.
My wild guess is that his lungs are giving out.
He had troubles with his lungs ever since he was a puppy,
the vet told us he had very small lungs and that he needed to be careful.
But my dad smokes a lot;; and he's been smoking in and out of the house ever since we got the yorky...could this be the issue?
Did the yorky get cancer or something? Like lung cancer?
or maybe he got diabetes cuz he's overweight (i don't think this one's that realistic cuz he's not that fat...he's just a little fat).
Or maybe he's just old?
But the weird thing is he has never been this tired looking, it just started recently. | Dog acts like he's a zombie/dying. Doesn't move around a lot. I think he has lung cancer due to dad smoking way too much around the dog. Is this possible? |
t3_3t48ag | Advice | Girlfriend issues | Hey reddit......I'm feeling horrible right now......my girlfriend and I have been dating for a while now and I've noticed that it seems like she has feelings for her ex (they havent been together for over a year), I brought it up and she started crying asking what to do, and I told her she could limit how much they talk but I dont want to be controlling. That and the fact that she's getting concerned with her being uncomfortable with being naked around me. It just feels like she's still in love with him sub-consciously, or something...... I just dont know what to do or how to react........I've already told her I loved her and it's true, I believe I always will and I told her no matter what happens I'll always support her and be there if she needs me........I just need some insight or something to try........I hate feeling like I do...........it feels like I'm just something to pass time even though I know I'm not, she has even told me I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had........but then on days she talks to her ex turns around and without thinking about it calls him her boyfriend then gets upset and cries saying there has to be something wrong with her. Anything anyone? | girlfriend seems to be hung up on an ex that she hasn't been with in years sub-consciously and doesn't know what to do about it. |
t3_eojjz | relationships | My SO told me she does not want to change/add anything to her last name, after wedding. She wants to keep it as it is... | We both are of Indian (in Asia) background. We've been dating for 3 years, I proposed to her in October this year. Now our parents are mingling about talks of our wedding. She tells me, she does not want to take my last name. Not even hyphenate it. She will not take my first name as her middle name (traditional for our culture). She says it will affect her individuality.
I'm not asking her to completely change her last name to my last name, I asked her to hyphenate it. She doesn't want to. She will have a professional degree and reasoned that if she hyphenates is Dr. HerLastName
-MyLastName it'll end up being Dr. MyLastName. I've told her she can refer herself simply as Dr HerLastName but keep it hyphenated on paper and for legal documents.
I don't know how to approach this, I see her taking my name as a way of showing her commitment to me, Not losing her identity. *I've told her she can simply use her last name whenever she wants to be referred to, but on paper she should hyphenate it with my last name.*
*I might give up on the last name* but she also wants to keep her name simply " HerName HerLastName ", instead of HerName MyName HerLastName. **(since we are only given One First name, females take/use their father's name as middle name until marriage and then switch to their husband's name as their middle name)**
We are sure about marrying and everything, I'm not making it a big deal so far out of the name thing yet. But, I just want some outside perspective. | SO does not want to take my last name, no hyphenate neither, does not want to take my first name as her middle name; traditional for our cultural background. |
t3_iasas | dating_advice | Asking out a girl who has a boyfriend but I sense is attracted to me? | Alright, so here's the deal: I'm 27m, she's 23f, we've worked together for several years and go to the same school. At work we've always gotten along really well, and even been a bit flirty (we see each other there twice a week). I haven't made a move up to this point because a) she's been with a guy for like 6 years, b) I've been dealing with some issues related to my military service (depression, anxiety, blah blah blah. It's since been dealt with), and c) until recently I was with another girl.
I'm not at all interested in trying to "steal" this girl away from her boyfriend. I've met him, he's a cool dude, I wouldn't say we're friends, though. I don't want to make any dick moves here. But, I am really attracted to her and, especially lately, I get the feeling it's mutual. She's been laughing at my stupid jokes, telling me how things are rocky with her boyfriend (they don't see each other much, she wants to do things on her own, isn't interested in getting married, they've been fighting), referencing ways we're "compatible." She knows I'm an avid hiker and has said on facebook she "really wants to go on a hike this week."
Basically, I want to be sure this isn't just some kind of confirmation bias and I'm seeing what I want to see. I'm not exactly a dating guru and I've been known to over-think things so there's a good chance (like 100%) that's happening here. Thanks for any insights or advice! | I'd like to ask out a girl (or at least get something going) who has a boyfriend but I sense is into me. |
t3_2rktfl | relationships | Me [27MF] don't want to have sex or go out with my husband [26M] until I shed the pounds; how do I explain? | EDIT: the jist of the general consensus is that it's wrong of me to withhold sex from my husband so I guess I'll just suck it up; after all I'm used to feeling numb after decades of people bashing my looks and making me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Who cares if my husband does it too. Feel so numb at this point. At least he'll be happy I guess. Thanks everyone.
Throwaway because reasons.
So I gained a bunch of weight over the past year (not dozens of pounds or anything but enough to make me look gross.)
I'm currently kicking my ass to try to shed the weight; however I don't feel sexy. His company is having several corporate events which he wants to bring me as his date but I don't look good in anything. I don't have money to buy outfits/dresses that fit terrible on me just to not have them fit at all later. I don't want to embarrass him either.
I also don't feel sexy or good naked so this has taken a toll in the bedroom. I don't want him feeling up my fat rolls, lying I look good when I'm not. How can I explain my feelings to him and to ask him to hold on just a few months to a half year or so? | Gained weight, am fat and gross. How to properly explain to the husband that things will get back to normal once I shed the pounds? |
t3_1hefia | relationships | How do I clear things up with someone who refuses to communicate? [21/M&F] | The day after I asked her to dinner to clear things up, she says no (and no to dinner the next day). I tell her I just want to figure things out, no response. 3 days later after asking friends for advice, I text her hoping she's cooled down and ask to see her over this weekend... no response.
5 days after that fateful night, I snap chat a whole group of people including her... and she responds via snapchat (lighthearted stuff) once or twice before the silence again.
I really want to make things right between us but nothing I'm trying seems to get through to her. After 2 texts without response I'm worried about coming across as crazy if I try again. I was honestly considering just calling tonight (first call since the night she stopped talking to me) and I predict it'll get ignored, but I wanted to leave a message just so she would hear something...
Ugh we're both kind of stubborn people but I really just want to get through to her somehow. Any advice would be lovely!
(Tried other subreddits to no avail, hoping maybe y'all can help) | she thinks I wanted someone else when I didn't, left before I could explain and now I can't get to her |
t3_3b1ci3 | relationships | I[17 M] cant get over my Ex GF [16 F] of 18 months, its been over 9 months since she dumped me. | She is my first love. Everything happened very quickly and it seemed like a dream very shortly after we started dating I cheated on her, and we took a week long break. During this time I had to decide between 4 girls who all liked me.
I fixed things with her, and things went well. She was a 25 minute drive away and neither of us could drive which with my un-supportive parents complicated things, but we managed to see each other once or twice a week.
The time we spent together we couldn't get enough- we quickly became most of each other's first's. Now I know we were young, but we were definitely in love despite people telling me it was impossible the emotion was just as real as adults.
Over the 18 months we dated we became what seemed like the perfect couple always happy doing anything we could together. Then on September 17, 2014 unexpectedly I get a text at work from her saying she needed a break that she still loved me, but needed some time. She was very vague she promised we would still see each other, and talk, and that things would be okay.
None of this happened we never really talked again Though i tried once maybe two three months later, and it was clear she didn't want to talk. It still haunts me every night she moved on, but I can't i'm still heartbroken I compare every girl to her, and know ill never have that same kind of love back. I wish I could explain better I've tried to find the words for months, but I just have no words to describe the pure emotions we had for each other. I haven't been able to let any of a plethora of different girls who have tried to have a chance in. I haven't gone on a date since, haven't kissed anyone just nothing since and I don't want anyone but her. I can't figure out how to move on and I need help. I attend the #1 high school in my state since the breakup i've become depressed flunked all my classes got kicked out lost motivation, and it needs to change please help reddit. | My first love left me for an unknown reason 9 months ago, and i've destroyed my life because I cant get over her and I need help changing things. |
t3_2dz5kq | askwomenadvice | Me [32m] with specific flirting question from [any age f]- looking at lips | Short version:
When out with a woman having drinks and she is blatantly alternating between looking at my eyes and lips, that's a good thing and I should just make a move, right?
Long version:
Been burned a few times with women lately so I am not really looking for anything with anyone. I host people out of town from UK and EU office a lot and play tour guide about once a month. I show them some neat local bars, have a few drinks, and I'm off. I met a stunning woman a couple weeks ago. I work in corporate finance so there are plenty of cute / pretty girls around, but she is much more beautiful than that. I would be afraid to talk to her if I saw her out in public. I was so nervous in the first hour that I was a stuttering mess. She is very nice, smart, and had a great personality so that made me even more of a wreck, but I came around.
I have a slight confidence problem due to the last few women I have dated, but that is another post for another time. The types of women I date tend to make the first move, so I haven't had to notice these things is many years. We ended up hitting it off pretty well. I'm not a big talker, but we were talking and just hanging out for about 12ish hours. I wasn't planning on liking her.
When we were sitting down having drinks at one place, she was kind of staring at my lips when I was talking. I was making it very obvious in that I was attracted to her throughout the day. When this happened, should I have just went in for the kiss? This is the first time I think I have noticed someone do that and just trying to get a woman's prospective. Have I been missing out on this cue for all these years? | Met a stunning woman. Didn't plan on liking her. She was overtly staring at my lips when I was talking. Should I have just gone in for the kiss? |
t3_r8zcl | loseit | Losing it while looking for a job, help! | I am on the job hunt (after being told that my current job would no longer be mine at the end of June), and am in need of a plan re my fitness. Long story short, 27/F/5'9"/215lb. I've been big my whole life. I learned to eat vegetables after college. I don't drink soda but I do struggle with processed carbs, and portion sizes generally.
My big fear/anxiety is the pressure I feel right now. I have to find a new job, I am on emergency financial lockdown, and I work in a very image-conscious field (law). I am worried that being fat and out of shape is going to put me at a serious disadvantage during the interview process (specifically the stereotype that fat=out of control, sloppy, disorganized, impulsive, etc.)
i don't know how to handle the stress of the job hunt and the fact that i feel like i am supposed to be chiseled and fit as a prospective employee. i am prone to stress eat, and my initial instincts are to cope with the anxiety of the job hunt with food. i not only have to resist that, i feel like i need to lose this weight YESTERDAY. how do i resolve all of this panic with the fact that healthy weight loss is often slower? | I find myself fat and back on the job hunt. how can I tackle both my weight and impending unemployment problem without going crazy? |
t3_2jsla8 | relationships | Me [21M] with my ex [21F], it's her birthday -- should I contact her? | So I broke up back in April with my girlfriend of almost four years.
Since then, at her request we have had very little contact. She took the breakup really hard, and I fully appreciate that contacting her much the last few months would have been very difficult for her. I did contact her once, by text in August just to see how she was doing. This was about 4 months post-breakup and she let me know that she wasn't ready to talk to me yet.
Today is her birthday. It's now been almost 6 months since the breakup, and I am torn on whether she would be more hurt by me sending birthday wishes or not sending them.
Any insight? | Ex and I dated for 4 years, now have been broken up for 6 months -- a breakup she took really hard. Do I contact her on her birthday? |
t3_2ayus0 | relationships | Me [23F] trying to figure out if this is something I need to tell my boyfriend [22M] | I met my boyfriend at a bar and we are in love and inseperable. However, the only reason I originally gave him the time of day is because a boy that I was more or less in love with (at the time I would've said it was love, now I just say stupidity), broke my heart again.
He lives across the country for school and I would check his FB here and there this summer to see if he was going to be in town. Not because I want to see him when he is here, but because I know for a fact I will run into him and I want that to be as unsurprising as possible.
I found out he will be in town next month.
I am nervous because I don't know whether or not I should tell my boyfriend. I don't want him thinking I am still hung up on this other guy but I also don't want to run into him and be like oh yeah I knew he'd be here. Help. | A boy I used to date is coming into town and I only know that because I FB stalked him. I know I will run into him. Do I tell my current BF or not? |
t3_1oabjo | relationships | Me [19 M] met [23 F] at a club and had sex, want more now but not sure she does.... | Met a girl in a club 2 weeks ago saturday... Actually had my pick of 3 girls but I picked the best one to go home with that night. She came back to mine and we had a good shag.
This is very strange, I live on an island and we had to get a ferry back at 3 am to get to mine. When she could have just gone home alone.... All my mates said it must have been hard to get a hottie to come back here.
I'm 19 and shes 23.
She woke up the next day not hungover (I was) and we spent the next day together, all into each other and that, she went home at 7 that evening.
As she left she said she will message me when she got back, and she did, saying she had a really nice day.
We've been messaging on and off since, her replies have been good but she takes a good hour to reply. I take just as long in the day as I'm at work but in the evenings I am able to reply quickly... So we've gone a few days of texting then stop for a few days since the other week.
I've tried playfully initiating sexting but she doesn't seem to get my sexy jokes... Any ways to get the ball rolling with an older girl?? Most of the time messaging her just seems like chatting to a mate (She seemed easy going like a bloke in person, no complaints though!). I've initiated the past few conversations we've had, and I've stopped now to let her start the next one, which I doubt she will...
I messaged her the other day saying I might come up and see her in a few weeks "if she was lucky", and she said it would be nice.
Sorry if this makes no sense or I'm a crying little wimp crying over a girl. Haha.
A friend who's a girl of mine said relax she's probably busy or something. That's no good for me hahaha | Met girl at club, went back to mine, had a good night, she had a good day the next day, not heard much from her since. |
t3_ewsfh | AskReddit | How do I speak up and stay cool when my voice gets shaky? | I sometimes find myself over-reacting to situations where I'm called to speak up for myself. By that I mean, I get more of an adrenaline response than is warranted, and it's difficult to respond in a calm-seeming manner.
I don't mean to say that I get violent or otherwise over-react in that way. It just has to do with severe blushing, voice shaking, and generally not being able to deal smoothly because of all the adrenaline.
I wish I could be cool like Fonzie or James Bond, but instead my body reacts too severely. This then creates a bad cycle where I hesitate because I know that others can perceive that I'm more upset than is warranted.
I'm not one of those individuals that dwells too much on what other people say, or over-thinks every interaction. It's just that these particular situations are challenging.
Other stressful situations, like approaching a girl, gives me the same response (I have a gf right now, so it's not an issue I'm currently facing). It makes the situation uncomfortable for me and for the girl, because she can tell I'm extremely uncomfortable.
Do you guys have any tricks? Intellectually, I already realize that these events lack any significance, that it doesn't really matter what people think, etc., but my body doesn't seem to think so. I don't think I can defeat this with reason. | Do you guys have any hacks for my brain to stop over-reacting so I can be cool like Fonzie? |
t3_3rszev | relationships | Me [21 F] with my fiance [22 M] of three years long distance, how do I tactfully break it off? | Hello there. Throw-away because I'm unsure of who knows my account name.
I have been with my fiance for three years, engaged for almost one. He is a very nice guy but I don't think he's the right one for me. He is starting to be much more immature, lazy, and I don't think we want the same things, well, I don't think he is willing to work for the things we want. I don't want to hurt him- is there any decent way to break it off when we are across the country from one another? Personal experience is welcome in the comments | My fiance and I are long distance and I want to break it off- is there a decent way to do this? |
t3_17npd4 | loseit | Does anyone here use SparkPeople.com? | I've used SparkPeople on and off for a few years to log my calories and exercise. I recently switched to MFP because so many people here recommended it, and you folks know your stuff! However, I was disheartened to find that about half the people who friended me on MFP were logging insanely low calorie counts and crazy amounts of exercise. Think 500-900 calories per day with 500+ burned through exercise. At first I thought it was a fluke, but people would also comment to say "great job!" or "wow, you're so disciplined!" It was kind of disturbing, so I switched back to SP. The website is cheesy and a little cumbersome, but the focus of the folks I've found there seems generally healthier. Plus, there are a few features I like that MFP doesn't seem to offer. (Though maybe I didn't give MFP enough of a chance.) | I use SP and am wondering if anyone else does, too. If so, let's be friends! Also, this community is awesome and I'm really glad I found it. |
t3_3m780p | relationships | Me (18f) miscarried his (19m) baby, should he know? | I'm 18, I was with a guy, 19, for a few months a little over a year ago, we broke up but kept sleeping together, then he ended things to the point that I had no way of contacting him.
10ish weeks after the last time we hooked up, I had a heavy period that lasted more than a week, went to the doctor, it was a miscarriage, had no way of telling him, grieved on my own.
A couple months ago, he started talking to me and I've been wondering if I should tell him.
I'm unsure how people handle miscarriages, but its almost the anniversary of it and I'm feeling vulnerable about it.
Would you want to know if you were him? | miscarried, couldn't contact him, he talks to me now, how would you feel? Would you want to know |
t3_3xnsk7 | relationships | Me [20M] with my GF [19F] of 10 months, advice with breakup needed | I'm in the process of breaking up with my GF. We broke up (I broke up with her) not long before she left to go home for a month over summer.
She wants to stay here 2 weeks after she comes back because her return flights are booked and she can't afford to go anywhere else.
I would prefer she stay at her old flat (she still pays rent there hence why she cant afford to go anywhere else) for those two weeks, but she doesn't want to because she didn't get along with the people there.
I can see her point but I feel like if she stays, things might get messy/drag on. Also it wasn't THAT bad with her previous flatmates, she just didn't click with them and felt like the outsider of the flat.
The option is she stays at her sisters on the couch which she says she really doesn't want to do.
I'm trying to be fair whilst avoiding drama, and she is usually dramatic when she gets emotional.
Any advice/opinions appreciated. | ex-gf wants to live together for two weeks a month after break up, I don't want to but don't want to be too harsh. |
t3_39ea51 | relationships | [Relationship] Is it right to feel "upset" | Me (27M) and my gf (26f) have been dating for about a year now. We used to have sex somewhat regularly, nowadays its more like once a week. I'm usually the one to initiate, she very rarely asks for it and I've never said no to her but she's rejected me several times. It's always that she's tired or has too much schoolwork to do, which wouldn't bother me too much if she would just not promise one thing and do another. She promises sex quite often earlier in the day only to tell me she's too tired later. I'm tired too, I work full-time but I always make time for her needs. I used to have a very high libido, but now I have no desire.
The thing is its not the lack of sex that disappoints me but her general actions in our relationship. I feel like I'm putting in way more than she does. I pay for everything, I drive everywhere, I always have to think of things to do and places to go. I seem to always be putting in way more effort into seeing/talking to her than she does. It's not like I do these things and expect her to have sex with me. That makes sex feel like an obligation and I would never want that. At this point I'm not even upset. I'm just tired of it all, I feel emotionally empty inside and I stopped caring. I'm tired of being disappointed, I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of being upset, I'm tired of everything. It's not the first time this has happened and I doubt it will be the last. We've discussed the issues in the past and she will make an effort but eventually go back to the way she was before. | Tired of girlfriend saying one thing and doing another. Don't feel anything anymore, not sure where to go from here. |
t3_3f4y9q | relationships | Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] of 1 year, seriously going down hill. | This might be a long one so please bare with me.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for over a year now, we met on tinder (destined to fail I know) and it was okay for a good 6 months, and then it seriously started going downhill. I seriously have no trust in her anymore. It's gotten to the stage where I've been checking her phone every time I see her, if she see's me trying to do this she will physically punch me and kick me and do anything to get the phone back.
I've caught her cheating (not physically) on the phone, over 5 times, this includes "sexting", sending nudes, masturbating with another guy and many other things, but each time I haven't had the heart to let her go.
I can feel myself falling out of love with her, we argue almost daily, I can't trust her and if she goes somewhere without telling me I kick up a proper fuss because im always presuming she's with another guy. We broke up for 2 weeks a couple of months ago and she admitted she slept with someone else during them 2 weeks, and this ripped me apart, I know we weren't together but it was so hard to take in.
What do I do? Do I hold on and try and make things better? Or do I get out, if so, how can I do it cleanly? This girl knows stuff about me that could ruin my life if she told the right people, and im scared of what she would do, she self harms and has threatened to kill herself in the past.
Thanks for reading. | don't trust girlfriend, she cheats, don't want to leave her and cant because she'll ruin my life, and might threaten to kill herself. |
t3_3pbfh6 | relationships | I [17 M] have a crush on my best friend[17 F] who has a boyfriend [18 M] of 1 1/2 years and I need help. | Hi r/relationships! First time poster so go easy on me if I did something wrong with the format.
I have a bit of a problem, but first a little backstory. Three years ago, I met a girl who we'll call Nicole. We hit it off right away and quickly became best friends, and even went on a couple of (fairly awkward) dates. After a while though we kind of lost interest in each other and started dating other people. We stopped talking for a bit and we started back up again about six months ago. In that time she met her current boyfriend, who we'll call Sam.
Here's the problem though. Recently we have gotten really close again and I think there may be something still there. However, I'm conflicted on how to approach this, because I honestly like Sam a lot and think they are a good match for each other. Now I need some advice on how to proceed. I really want to know if I should try to just stay friends or I need ways to ask her indirectly if she shares my feelings towards her. | I have a crush on my best friend and need ways to either stay friends with her or how to indirectly get her to tell me if she feels the same way. |
t3_31ilp1 | offmychest | Found out one of my good friends is a convicted rapist, still in shock and denial... | So I've known this guy since highschool, a brilliant guy who was voted valedictorian and we always got along. Even though we attended different universities, we still remained in touch because he was genuinely a cool guy. A few days ago on the news I see that he had been a convicted rapist on the registry of sex offenders for raping a girl back in 2010. And the case had been going on for 5 years. I was in absolute disbelief and I messaged him, called him, but no reply. He always messages me back ASAP so I knew something was wrong. The story ended up being true. .all this time he would ask me to hang out and I agreed because he was my friend, nothing out of the ordinary. Now I can't stop thinking about what if it was me who got raped? This shit is fucking with my mind and I'm in absolute shock. it's been bothering me and I've lost sleep over this. It just goes to show I cant fucking trust anyone anymore. | found out my good high school friend is now in jail for rape that occured back in 2010. I cant sleep over this and im in utter disbelief. |
t3_s1kh1 | relationships | A better university vs. the girl I love | I've been dating a girl, let's call her Kate, for about two months now. We both attend a sub-average university in Richmond, Virginia, which is how I met her. I fell for her very quickly and I am really looking forward to spending more time with her and being in a long relationship with her. She's the most beautiful, caring, kind, and generous girl I've ever been with and I would hate to let her go.
Last semester, however, I applied to a better school in Virginia and I basically promised myself I wouldn't get in a relationship until I transferred to this new school. Fate has an odd sense of humor, I suppose, and this amazing relationship fell in my lap just as the Spring semester is coming to an end. Before I met Kate, I was so determined to leave this school behind and transfer to this new school and start a new life there.
I have to make a very important decision at this point. Kate is not the only thing keeping me from transferring. I have a good job here in Richmond, I love the environment, and I have a lot of friends. However the university I would be transferring is far more prestigious and graduating from this other university would put me in a far more advantageous position than if I had stayed at my current university, and would be a huge investment in my future. I didn't even consider staying until I met her.
I was accepted about two weeks ago, so I have to make my decision soon. I haven't asked Kate if she'd be willing to be in a long distance relationship. The university to which I would transfer is in Blacksburg, a four hour drive from Richmond. I doubt she'd be willing to be a part of a long distance relationship. So right now, I really don't know what to do. I could really use some advice. | I have to decide whether I should transfer to a better university and lose my girlfriend or stay at this lesser university but keep my girlfriend. |
t3_48svyw | relationships | Me [36F] with my boyfriend [36M] of 2 months, he passed away suddenly and I don't know what to do | Last night I found out via Facebook that my boyfriend of two-ish months passed away. I had thought it was weird that he didn't reply to any of my texts throughout the day, but he has been on a time crunched deadline, so passed it off as him being busy.
We belonged to a group on Facebook that is for local people interested in firearms and shooting competitions... and last night when I got home I saw a message from one of the moderators letting everyone know that he had passed away.
Our relationship has been short, but I've known him for a couple of years. He made a huge impression on me and my life, and has been the first really great relationship I've had in my adult life. Should I reach out to his family and express my condolences? We had planned on doing the "meet the family" type stuff later this month, but I haven't spoken with his mother before.
Reddit I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying, and I feel so lost. I've never had anything like this happen to me or in my friend group and I'm at a loss as to what's appropriate. | I don't know what I should do in regards to his passing. Do I reach out to his family? Or just attend the funeral and keep quiet? |
t3_36bx40 | relationships | I [17/M] want to break up with my GF [19/F], but don't know if this is the right decision... | Some background: I'm a senior in high school, currently set to graduate a month from now. This is my 2nd relationship after being single for a year.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 2 months now, and everything seemed okay at first. We have good chemistry, I enjoyed the time we spent together and everything *should* be great.
But for some reason, it doesn't feel alright. The first month was fine and everything, but the past few weeks I've had a growing feeling of doubt and discomfort. I miss spending time with my friends more and more and I'm growing more protective of my free-time. I've post-poned dates for this very reason. There's still over a month of school left, so we'd be seeing each other constantly no matter what but it just felt like she wanted to spend time 24/7 that I felt trapped. I've realized just how much I valued my own time to put towards working on my future career and personal goals, time I don't have anymore because I'm in a relationship.
I started to learn that this wasn't something I needed right now and I made a bad decision of going headstrong into it, and I feel that it's unfair to her because I'm not in it 100% since I also want to focus on my own ambition. The fact that I'm going to move out of town and graduate soon also contributed to this.
I feel like breaking up is for the best, but I don't know how it's going to affect her because she wouldn't see this coming and she's a lot more invested in this than I am. I'd feel guilty for leading her on if I kept this up however, so I don't know if doing this right now is the best decision, or if I should put it off until we can sit down and talk about where this is going once I'm gone. I realize I'll look like an asshole to her and her friends either way, but I know that I'd be much happier if I didn't have to split my time between my life and our relationship. | Dating a girl of 2 months right now, started to feel trapped after a while, realized I wanted to focus on myself first, don't know if this is the best decision. |
t3_2gfo03 | travel | Graduate student looking for cheap airfare from Mid-Atlantic to Sydney, Australia | My girlfriend lives in Australia, and I live in Philadelphia. I want to go see her in March, preferably the two week span surrounding the 5th to the 19th (those dates are flexible). I've looked into places like statravel.com and farecompare.com, and most prices I've gotten waver between $1350 to $1600. I've also been interested in services like Priceline's NYOP, but I don't know much about their international deals.
I'm not particular on departure times or airlines or layovers (though less than 36 hours would be lovely). Flying out of PHL would be ideal, but I'm also willing to do any New York airports or perhaps Baltimore or D.C. if the price is right. | need help finding cheapest airfare from PHL or NYC airports to Sydney, Australia. Looking to leave 3/5/14 and return 3/19/14. Dates are flexible. |
t3_2l7gzo | tifu | TIFU by trying to insult somebody with science. | So basically for the last several weeks my science class has been memorizing the periodic table. (Normal stuff ya know Gold = Au and all that good stuff)
Anyway in PE today a kid (Let's call him Caleb) starts to talk shit to one of my friends (Let's call him Sean) who has a brain tumor. At this point I'm pissed off because I am close friend with Sean. So I had the bright idea to try to insult Caleb by using the periodic table. So I go up to him and say "Florine Uranium Carbon Potassium Yttrium Oxygen Uranium," He was completely confused but as it turns out my gym teacher knows the periodic table by heart (Who would have guessed) and so I had to run stairs. | Told a bully "Florine Uranium Carbon Potassium Yttrium Oxygen Uranium," (Fuck you) in P.E. and had to run stairs because my gym teacher knows the periodic table. |
t3_374z9q | tifu | TIFU By thinking a black pair of thong underwear were in the backyard, picking them up and smelling them. | This happened yesterday to my neighbor while he was laying down the sod in his backyard.
The entire 1/2 acre area was graded, raked, and almost ready for new lawn after he and I walked the perimeter looking for any remaining debris (small rocks, what have you).
He was on the left side of the yard, and I was about 50 feet away helping on the other side of the yard.
I hear this, "What the fuck???" really loud and see him march over to a line of trees. He leans over, and pulls up this black cloth. He thought these might be underwear. Like his wife had a cheat moment and tossed her knickers into the trees after cleaning up splooge. That kind of scenario.
Nope!
He pulled the black cloth up, unfortunately inhaling at the same time, and almost fell to his knees.
One of the Latino workers had used the far back of his yard to take a nice healthy shit. He'd apparently cut off one of his sleeves to wipe his ass with. He buried the turd pile under the cloth.
When my neighbor hastily pulled up the poop rag thinking it was underwear, small chunks of fecal matter flung onto his shoes, his pants, and shirt. He gagged and nearly threw up. | neighbor thought his wife tossed her underwear in the yard after getting some strange, pulled up the black garment to inspect, ended up being a shit-rag and got crap all over himself. |
t3_pauxr | relationships | Should I tell the new man in my life how many people I have slept with? | 21yo female here. I got out of a long term relationship a couple months ago and since have been seeing a new guy (22). Things are going well so far but things are starting to get serious and I am worried he is going to ask how many people I have been with sexually.
It was always a touchy subject with my ex as he did not like my number. I have slept with what most people would consider a large number of people, and though I don't personally care about how many people any one has been with I know some people have a certain view on women who have been with a lot of people.
I am wondering if he asks, if I should tell him it's none of his buisiness? Tell him the truth, or lie? I don't like the idea of lieing about anything, but my ex made a huge deal about it and said he wished I had of told him something less than the truth.
Any advice on what I should do? | Seeing a new guy and want to know if I should share the honest truth of the amount of people I have slept with as it is what most people would consider a higher number. |
t3_4ne04h | Advice | Fixing my relationship with food after 2 years of successful dieting. | Hey /r/advice, I started a dieting about two years ago, lost roughly 30 pounds, took a break for my wedding and a few months after, then decided to make a lifestyle change and lost another 80 pounds. Being near the end of my "weight loss" phase and moving to maintaining, I realized that my relationship with food is still not a good one.
My issue is two-fold. Firstly, once I move to maintaining my weight rather than losing I'm a bit worried that I will either keep losing, or go the opposite direction and start putting on weight. I don't really know what "maintaining" is. Secondly, I feel extremely guilty when I eat food that I know isn't good for me, even if its in perfect moderation. So while this helps me make good choices when it comes to food, it also is sapping all enjoyment from those few "unhealthy" meals that I do have. | After dieting how to you "maintain" your weight? How do I enjoy meals when all I can think about when eating them is how bad they are for me? |
t3_3vtv14 | relationships | My[22M] FWB[21F] is getting clingy. Don't want to a relationship but also don't want to hurt her feelings | I'm FWB with a really sweet girl. Over time she has been starting to call me to talk about her life, trying to go out on dates with me, texting me throughout the day etc. I don't mean to sound like a pig but I don't want any of that. I want to have sex and then go. The thing is I don't want to be so blunt with her because she is very sweet and pure-heated, I feel like it would devastate her. Is there a way to be tactful about this or are feelings going to get hurt regardless? | FWBs getting too clingy and it's making me uncomfortable. Don't want to hurt her feelings. What do? |
t3_1xjqio | relationships | I [23F] am "involved" with him[23M] over the internet: he has a girlfriend | It started a few weeks ago, and I had no idea he had a girlfriend. We live in separate countries, so all of our interactions have been online/through text. It began as a purely sexual thing, for us both, but quickly developed into something more. We now talk everyday, through text, skype, etc. The other night he stayed up on skype with me until I fell asleep. The last time I felt so comfortable around someone so fast, I dated them for a year.
Here's the problem: he has a girlfriend. Yes, they have problems, but he clearly hasn't left her. Initially I was very "it's not my issue, this is between you two to work out." But now, I don't know. I won't tell him to break up with her, that's not my place. This weekend...this weekend she was with him for the first time in two weeks and he couldn't talk to me. I spent most of the time ruminating on how awful of a person I am.
I don't know if he'll break up with her. I don't know if it matters. All the things he's said to me could be lies. I guess I'm just looking for some advice. What would you do in this situation? | I suck, messed up and got involved (online) with a guy who has a girlfriend, both of us grew feelings. Feel awful for many reasons, need advice. |
t3_2jt6m8 | relationships | I'm confused [23/F] about my friend's [22/M] feelings towards me. | We were drinking this weekend in his house and he hinted at me staying with him after our friends left because I jokingly asked him to spoon me to soften the hangover. He said 'gladly'. He didn't actually say it he messaged me while being in the same room as me while we were with our friends. I said I had to go home and he said it was probably for the best but told me to contact him later for some company.
So I did and he said it was probably a good thing that I didn't stay as there would be 'war'. I asked why and he told me it was because of my ex , who is also his friend. Just to add ,my ex broke up with me at the start of the year, he treated me like shit and is generally not a good person. We had an extremely serious break up. I'm no longer in his company as he now lives in a different country.
After our break up, I always felt really awkward around my friend in question as I got the impression he didn't like me. If I had seen him out he would barely talk to me, but then there was times when he would come say hello and give me a hug. He has since told me it was because he didn't want to get involved in the break up as he is a mutual friend.
I'm confused, I don't know if he has feelings for me or if he was just drunk. Because of the obvious awkwardness, I've felt really nervous around him despite knowing him years, tbh we rarely talk and only see each other every few weekends so I was taken aback by this sudden interest in me. I have never looked at him in that way before but now I haven't been able to stop thinking about him to the point where I'm getting butterflies, and I haven't felt like that about someone in a long time despite going out with different men after my break up.
I'm just a bit confused where his mind is as it's a bit hard to read. Am I completely overreacting? | male friend gave me impression he has feelings for me but hinted at not being able to act on them as he is mutual friends with my ex who broke up with me at the start of this year |
t3_pg02u | relationships | In a LTR that feels more like friends than a couple | I made this throwaway because I need help sorting things out and all my friends and family can't give objective insight so here goes:
My bf (M28) and I (F30) have been together for over 6 years, living together for 5 of them. We have had our ups and downs but no major infidelity, volatile fighting, etc problems. My complaint, though is that we have almost no sex life, and for the most part are only occasionally physically interested in the other, which is more about just natural need and less about sexual attraction. It's not just the sex, either, we just have no passion for life together at all. We just exist in the house. We don't really do anything fun, we just lay around and watch tv or occasionally go to dinner and a movie.
We have talked about it and he says we're just in a rut, and need to make changes and it will be all better, but he's not doing anything to actually make these changes. He says he's not as interested in sex because he's gained weight, as have I, but I'm working on fixing it. He's not, just using it as an excuse. I suggest walks, the park, random adventures like hiking and he just shoots them down because he's too tired, so I just give up and we do the same old routine night after night.
We work really well together as a team as far as business and our home (we own it), and aside from the emotional things this feels like what a mature relationship should be like. I trust him with my life and love everything about him as he used to be, but I think he's depressed and it's rubbing off on me. I worry that one day this is going to become a problem because I am a passionate and spontaneous person and want MORE. Do I try harder to snap him out of this? Keep trying to better myself and let him continue to wallow in mediocrity? Or do I leave the only man I have ever loved & the only place that has ever felt like a home because I want something that may or may not even exist out there? Am I settling or compromising? | Should I leave a stable but passionless relationship and risk never finding a true partner again or stay and try to fix what's missing? |
t3_2nxugk | relationship_advice | My boyfriend (21/m) told me (22/f) the opinion of his sister would change our relationship. | Some back story, we've been dating for five months now and I've fallen hard for him and I believe he feels the same way about me. I'm the first girl to stay the night at his house and the first girl he's told he loves. We've never gotten into any kind of arguments dealing with relationship issues.
So Thanksgiving day comes and his sister is coming into town from out of state, he awkwardly made me ride to the airport to pick up his sister with his dad and him. I've never once had a conversation with her in my life and I felt embarrassed and awkward. She seemed nice we exchanged a few sentences here and there, it wasn't much.
Fast forward to last night after another slew of awkward conversations on Thanksgiving day, he asks me if I got along with his sister. I told him I thought so but I didn't get to talk to her much. he replied "As long as you got along.". That kinda stung a little so I asked why it would matter if his sister and I didn't hit it off so well, I'm not dating her I'm dating you. He just told me it would matter, Now I was upset and I asked "what would change about our relationship then". He tells me "I don't know. it didn't happen." I tell him he doesn't understand how much that had upset me and he agreed he had not a clue as to why that would upset me. I went on to tell him even if my mom didn't care for him it wouldn't change the way I feel about him and I wouldn't let a family members opinion alter my relationship. He tells me he his families opinions hold more weight to him. Now I'm just crushed, I felt like I had meant more to him than that and I'm caught in trying to understand why he's acting this way or if it maybe something else, Am I worrying too much about this situation or is it justified to feel this way? I've never been put in such a position where the opinions of other people would make a difference to a relationship I'm in. Any thoughts or help would be appreciated. | My bf told me his sisters opinion of me, if bad would alter our relationship, I got upset and felt that outside opinions shouldn't hold so much weight. |
t3_1f7cng | relationships | Money issues [18M], with my girlfriend [18F] | Hi /r/relationships!
I have a kind of problem. My views on money differ a wholly lot from my girlfriend's views and I'm really tied up in it.
I'm 18 years of age, my girlfriend is exactly 1 day older. I grew up in a normal family. I am studying in university with the prospect of earning quite a lot of money. However, I have to pay my own university money which is quite a lot for me (150/month) and because my parents didn't really have a lot of money I'm used to being frugal and I love not spending money ... I actually dislike spending money - a lot. Now ... to my girlfriend ...
My girlfriend is the exact opposite of me, she grew up a rather wealthy family and is used to eating out 3x every month or so and being paid everything. Never worked a day in her life for her money, etc. She also often wants to lunch somewhere or grab a coffee, her family also takes me out a lot.
So. Her family always takes me out, she always pays when she wants to grab a coffee or have a lunch. She always showers me with expensive gitfs etc, thats just how her family is and how she has been raised. I've been raised the exact opposite, we never go out (only on occasions). | I feel really obliged to actually 'pay her back' because she spends so much on me while I've been raised very frugally and where saving money, instead of spending money, was encouraged. |
t3_1lxc6s | AskReddit | What 'works' did you identify with when you were younger than meant more when you revisted them? | I just watched Requim for a Dream after seeing it on Netflix Streaming
I saw this movie when it came out bc I was born and raised in New York City and a New York kid Darren Aronofsky was making movies about being from Brooklyn.
This movie devestated me with its sadness. I saw it once, and am not sure if I was able to sit through it again but bought the DVD to lend to people.
I sat through it just now on Netflix streaming only to discover it devestated me not because of the storyline but because I didnt know it at the time, but I was looking in the mirror. | Watching Requim for a Dream for the second or thrid time in ten years made me realize that I wasnt 'Wasting time', I was a drug addict. |
t3_2xl7q8 | relationships | I [18M] overheard that my dad [53] cheated on my mum [52] in an argument they had. | Since quite some time I knew that my parents had problems in the bedroom. About 6 years ago I overheard -very involuntarily- my parents arguing about this. I guess my dad was unsatisfied and wanted to have sex at least once a month, but my mum said she is too stressed out. She "suggested" he should just get on top of her when he needs it and she would lay there and let him. My mum is pretty agressive in arguments and always "wins" them.
Also my mum got her uterus (?) removed a few years ago and I think she hasn't really got a sex drive anymore.
In general my parents are fighting often, mostly at weekends or vacations. My mum's also threathening to divorce about once a year. Or probably more often, I just hear her saying that she wants a divorce about once a year. Thankfully I'm off to College since half a year and don't have to hear them fighting so often anymore.
Well now I was home over the weekend and today I heard my mum bring up my dad cheating in a fight they had about something different. I don't think they know I heard.
So what shall I do know? I wish I could just unhear it. I always knew they had lots of issues but it didn't seem that bad most of the time.
I don't like my dad less now, I guess I can understand why he did it and with me it wouldn't be an issue if he cheated and my mum just never found out about it. But I also feel lots of pity for my mum, because it must feel unbelievably shitty for her.
I know I can't fix anthing for them and these aren't my issues. I just don't know how to handle knowing this now. I don't want to be wondering how long this has been going on and how often and all this shit. Have some of you already been in the same situation? Can someone give some advice on how I can deal with knowing this? I don't want to look back later and realise that this event caused trust issues or something similiar. | Overheard that my dad cheated on my mum, I don't know more, I wish I just unheard it, but am left wondering about it all the time. |
t3_15oz0b | relationships | Girlfriend (25) not wanting to see me (25) as often. | Been dating for 1.5 years. I (25) feel like my girlfriend (25) has been slowly getting less and less interested in seeing me. I can't remember the last time she actually told me she wanted to hang out with me.
For a while it was assumed that we would spend the weekend together. I would pick her up from work on Friday and she would stay at me house until Sunday night. The amount of time she stays at my place dwindled to 1 night a week, to 0 nights these past couple weeks.
Id like to see her more often but Im tired of asking her if I can pick her up and her saying no. She has been having her mom pick her up instead (they live together). Just a few minutes ago I asked her if she wanted to watch a movie at her place because she is sick. She said no, she wants to stay home and get better (doesnt make sense).
Im trying so hard to not be needy/clingy and not text her all the time. My day has become so anxiety ridden over me waiting to hear from her and wondering if I will get to see her. I feel that we only hang out when she wants to, not when I want to.
When we are together she is very touchy -- we hold hands, we kiss, hug, cuddle. She tells me she loves me.
Im so confused. I don't know if I should stop asking to hang out or tell her Id like to see her more....I just don't know anymore. Its really wearing me down. | Feeling like girlfriend doesn't want to see me. Hangouts are becoming shorter and less often. Do I stop asking to hang out or tell her I want to see her more often? |
t3_3bfi7u | relationships | Me [22F] got really drunk last night and slept with my co-worker [30sM]. It's so awkward and I'm dreading going to work tomorrow. | The title says it all really. Last night a group of us from work went out and I got really drunk (so did everyone so I don't feel too embarrassed about that). I went home with a guy, who is senior to me at work and we had sex. It was one of those nights were my memories are hazy but I remember the sex being pretty bad, like it usually when you're that drunk. It was sooo fucking awkward this morning, I don't know if it was just the hangover but he didn't really want to talk to me and asked me to leave pretty early because he was going out. He didn't elaborate and it just sounded like an excuse to get rid of me.
I'm so embarrassed about it. I've been at this place a couple months and now what the heck are they going to think of me? I'm totally dreading going to work tomorrow. It's going to be so awkward and like I don't know if I should talk to him or avoid him? I'm so unprepared and any advice on how to make his situation any less worse is needed.
Sorry if this is posted in the wrong place but I need advice from somewhere because all I can think about is how awkward work is going to be tomorrow. | got super drunk last night. slept with a co-worker. it was really awkward and dreading going to work tomorrow. |
t3_3obrm0 | relationships | Me [23 M] with my GF [25 F] 1.5 month, Should i keep this going? | mitted 8 hours ago * by iytowitey
I am 23 and currently dating a 25 year old. I havent had a real relationship (i have dated and had girlfriends but none of them ever truly felt quite right, at least not like this girl) so i can be stupid about a lot of things. Its been a month and i have never ever been able to spend so much time and be so comfortable around a person. I think i may be falling for her. But something about her bothers me. Whenever she drinks, she does it to excess and she flirts with other guys. I have seen her hold another guys hands call them babe etc... Her reasoning for that is she wants to "test me and see how far she can push me" but every morning after she says "i had no idea ive done that" "babe, you are the only one for me". she told me she ended a six year relationship a year and a half ago. And her ex calls her multiple times every day. She usually answers, and leaves the room. Are these red flags? Am i some sort of rebound? or am i over thinking it?
I can tell you more about her if it would make the picture more clear. | My girl heavily flirts with other guys when shes drunk. She is still very close to her ex. should i continue dating her? |
t3_2e5j92 | relationships | (17/m) broke up after bad relationship. Don't know ifi want to persu another girl because she's bigger | Me and my ex been on and off for a while and during one of the off times this girl asked me what I thought of her ass and I said it was nice, then asked if she was Mexican. She said she was and asked how I knew and I said because all Mexican girls have nice asses. I include that part because its my dream to sleep with a Mexican girl. However, she's not what I was thinking when I thought of mexicn girl. so she put her number in my phone. she's curvier, she's got an alright face and decent assets. I kinda wanna make myself do it because why not.
However, I also don't want to get in any relationship, I just want to have fun and maybe mess around with her if I can. Idk if I'm bein shallow or if I should have high standards. Also, big girls need lovin too right? Tell me what you'd do in this situation, especially regarding the part about not wanting to do anything serious with her. | after a bad breakup, I found a girl who might be interested, but has a few extra pounds on top of a nice body. I also don't want to get serious and tbh just wanna fuck right now. |
t3_359ntk | relationships | Me [24F] with the guy [28M] I went on a fun date with told a friend of mine he finds me "chunky" | So I've been chatting with a guy on Tinder for a month or so, we'll call him Glenn. we're Facebook friends, and he texts me daily. We went out last weekend and had a beautiful time, it was fun, great chemistry (well now I'm second guessing that). We were out for hours, and ended up back at his where I stayed over. This was not planned, the night just kept going on until suddenly it was 2am and he invited me in for wine and to continue our conversation. We made out like teenagers and whilst we didn't have sex, there was plenty of grinding/dry humping whatever..
Anyway, all week he has been texting me, asking when to meet again, inviting me to spend time with him, even quickly seeing me on my lunch break (we work near each other) and then messaging me after to say how great it was to kiss me again...he seems like a great guy. Super attentive and positive, etc.
Last night, I was having coffee with my friend Christina and her sister Amanda. I was telling them all about my date and showed them a photo of Glenn. Amanda immediately grabs her phone and shows me her having a conversation with Glenn, which is fine - I've only been on one date with the guy, he can talk to whoever he likes.
The problem was what he said. The conversation went something like this:
Amanda: so, are you having much luck on tinder?
Glenn: there's heaps of fake profiles, I've only been on one date this past Saturday and she was pretty chunky. Wbu?
I'd like to point out that I'm 167cm and 57kg.
Amanda immediately deleted him off tinder and I haven't said anything to him yet. He doesn't know her and I know each other as Amanda and I aren't Facebook friends (mostly because I don't see her that often, as she's older than my friend, her sister)
I'm not sure if this is something I should confront him about, or what? What would you guys do? Is this a red flag/bad sign? | dude I've been chatting with awhile and have recently gone on a date with refers to me as "chunky" to a girl he doesn't know I'm friends with. |
t3_4n0mgp | legaladvice | (TX) Bed Bugs have ruined my life. Could I successfully file for Constructive Eviction? | My family moved into a new apartment riddled with bed bugs. It has taken a huge toll on our mental and physical health as we have been dealing with them since April.
We have notified the leasing office multiple times and they've sent maintenance to fumigate twice. This has had basically no effect on the bugs. We've thrown away thousands in property including all our mattresses, bedding, living room furniture, curtains, coats, etc. We are currently sleeping on plastic air mattresses in the living room and heat treat the clothes we wear daily as well as keeping the remainder of our clothes and towels in plastic trash bags in our vehicles.
We have been more than cooperative with the landlord and management, but at this point we're positive they're not willing to spend the money to permanently exterminate the bugs and are seeking to break our lease and move to a new apartment.
Because we're positive the bugs are living inside the walls of our bathroom and master bedroom, we're not able to use those any more. Does this provide me grounds to break my lease and file for Constructive Eviction should my landlord attempt to claim an Unlawful early move out or penalize me with re-letting fees? I understand this option should be my last resort and I am still pushing for a mutual agreement to break the lease but I wanted to know if I have a case should I need to pursue that avenue. Any help is appreciated!! | Bed bugs own my apartment now. We've spent months fighting them but they live in the walls. What's the best way to break my lease? |
t3_2vj3ci | relationships | Tips on finding a partner when you're an introvert and it's your first time? (M Late teens) | I as a person am reasonably sociable and friendly though like any introvert enjoy my space too.
The problem is that I'm not good starting conversations in environments with lots of people and the fact that most of them are people you have no connection with.
For perspective I just came from a small highschool to a large college, as in the Tasmanian phrase for years 11 and 12, and only know a handful of people. How can I increase the likelihood of finding someone I feel attracted to in a comparatively more close knit way?
For perspective I am:
- INTJ
- Male
- Sensitive
- And relatively shy in large groups. | How can a person not good at starting conversations in large groups, such as colleges, increase their chance at finding someone to connect with? |
t3_3clzsn | relationships | My SO of 2 years [27 M] broke up with me [27 F] unexpectedly, how do I get over it? | My boyfriend and I met almost 3 years ago on the east coast. I moved there for work and he was stationed there. We became friends every quirky and then started officially dating August 31, 2013. A year later, once he got out of the military, I decided to move with him across the country since I love him. A year seems kind of soon but we were talking about wanting to get married and have children.
We have now lived in this freezing cold state for a year. We recently got a new apartment together after living with family a few months ago. We spent all of our free time together. Him and I haven't made any friends yet since we are new to this town after two months. He has friends at work but he never hangs out with him, after I tell him he should have guy time.
Last night out of the blue he tells me that he isn't happy. That he loves me but he can't give me what I want; marriage and children. He broke up with me. He text messaged me this morning saying that it isn't easy for him and that he still cares for me. I just don't understand what I did to make him so unhappy. When I asked him, he said it is nothing I did or didn't do.
I am just so confused. I live in a very expensive apartment and I have no family or friends here. We still live together but I am sure that is changing soon. What do I do to get over it and stop crying non-stop? I haven't eaten or slept since he broke up with me last night. | My boyfriend [27 M] broke up with me [27 F] out of the blue and I don't know how to stop crying and get over it. |
t3_3eb1zx | tifu | TIFU by making a castle for my sister | This happen several days ago . I was babysitting my sister after a few hours she told me she was bored and wanted to play Kingdom (Making a castle and pretending she's a princess) So I made a castle using my bed (Queen sized bed) but it just suddenly fell down because I forgot to put down the other chair on the other side when I was putting the "roof" over it I didn't notice my sister was inside the castle when It feel down the mattress pushed her and she hit the wall face first (Because her nose was bleeding) and I'm just sitting there like "What the fuck am I going to do" I grabbed a cloth and covered her nose with it and then I put a gel packet (Cold gel packet) over her nose area and she passed out and he was brought to the hospital because she lost a SHIT ton of blood and my room carpet was full of blood and it looked like I tried to murder my sister | Made a castle for my sister the wall fell down on her face first her nose was bleeding and broken she passed out from loss of blood. |
t3_prvku | GetMotivated | Use your sexual frustrations to make yourself awesome. | Being a guy, this is mostly directed at guys. But Im sure it could apply to the race from venus as well.
Everyone has been there. That one random girl they can't stop thinking about. You creep her facebook and think about why you may be insufficient in their eyes.
Or maybe not. maybe you don't have a particular person in thought, but just the hope to be wanted by the opposite sex.
It can get frustrating. Use that.
Don't get dumb and think you will really get that one girl if you change yourself. its a matter of harnessing the motivation for sex and love our bodies give us and focusing it on making your mind and body stronger.
Start reading. read books you wouldn't usually read. be smarter, be better. use the motivation of catching someone's heart to get your nose in a book.
Work out. you will stick out more if you look good. sad but true. girls want that. you want them. work out, and think about being better while you do it. use the motivation your mind provides.
Overall, lust can be a son of a bitch. being perfectly honest, it can drive a man crazy in his own head for no reason other than catching the eye of a beautiful girl one day. our bodies are geared towards procreation, and while its silly to say we should work out and read etc just to get laid, you should simply use the motivation lust provides to get these things done. | you like girl, you want her bad, use that want to make yourself awesome instead of sitting and creeping her facebook page. |
t3_2xbogc | relationships | Me [16 Male] haven't had a GF since 7th grade (If you even count that.) What do I do? | I am strongly disliked at my school, maybe because I'm quiet and don't really retaliate in any way, but I haven't had the closest thing to a GF in almost 3 years. Not really sure what to do here... Waaaaaaay too late to find anyone in this school as half don't even know I exist and the other half think I'm some freak just because a group of people treat me like crap. I usually spend most of my time playing video games (CS:GO & Destiny) or browsing reddit because people don't know me on there._.
If ya want you can add me on steam: x_Ac3_x
Or Xbox: AcePlaysInHD | I haven't had a GF for almost 3 years, Can't get one at my school. What do I do? |
t3_21oxdv | relationships | I [25 M] have been with my Girlfriend [25 F] for just a few months. She got pregnant and an abortion without telling me. I'm not sure what to make of this. | **NOTE:** She was NOT afraid that I would want her to keep it. We have discussed this beforeh and I've voice my opinion many times- that I'd prefer for her to get an abortion but that the choice is ultimately hers.
We just recently started dating. She recently found out she was pregnant and got an abortion 2 days later. Two days after the abortion I called her out for acting weird and she broke down and told me about it. She said he hid the whole thing from me because she thought that it would scare me away. For some reason she felt irresponsible for allowing me to get her pregnant and was afraid I would leave her if I knew.
She is very introspective and tends to over analyze things, but I still find this to be a strange reason to hide a pregnancy. Is it fair to suspect foul play (aka cheating on me and not knowing if the potential baby was mine or the other dudes therefore not wanting to tell me about it)? I'd really appreciate some other perspectives, insights, and similar experiences- especially from the ladies.
I love this girl very much and want to give her every benefit of the doubt, but if this is an obvious red flag then I need to leave before I fall deeper. I just can't tell. Thank you Reddit. | My girlfriend got pregnant and got an abortion without telling me (knowing that I wouldn't mind if she did) and the fact that she kept that from me makes me think that another party may have been involved. |
t3_3x229a | legaladvice | [VA] Is having my dad list me as an "employee" for his business tax fraud if I'm not actually working for him? | Ok, so it probably is, but here is some background info:
I am a college student and was filling out my FAFSA, which asks for the tax information of you and your parents. So problem #1, my dad did my taxes for me last year.... which as a student its very nice, but I don't think its legal. So mistake on my part.
But the issue: I was looking through the FAFSA and saw that I'm listed earning $20,000 from the past year. Which I did NOT make. I've had a brief conversation with my dad before about this and I know that he lists me as an "employee" for his business and he says it saves him money or something and "thats how schools being paid for so if you have another suggestion" etc etc...
His logic is that the $20,000 "income" as an "employee" is essentially for my tuition but I don't do any work for his business.
I plan on asking him about it again, but want to get some advice from you all first so I somewhat know what I'm talking about.
So… how do I bring it up? Is this illegal? Do I report him? Am I at fault too? Should I change my SSN? What happens if he gets caught? I'm totally clueless, and I don't feel comfortable with the situation.
Thank you!! | My dad lists me as earning $20,000/year as his employee on his taxes when that money really goes towards my tuition since I do not technically work for him. What should I do? |
t3_25pp07 | Dogtraining | Loose Leash Walking Advice for When Dog Sits and Doesn't want to Move Forward or budge? | Hello all.
I'm working with my pup to teach him proper leash manners. He's almost 10 weeks old, Golden Retriever. Some days he's pretty good, some days he's not so good - all to be expected. I've read a lot about training loose leash walking and most of it is geared towards a dog pulling. My pup, he pulls a lot. But also, just as often, we'll get walking and he'll just sit and not want to move. We've been working on the "Let's Go!" command, but just as often as he'll respond to it, he won't. I don't want to pull him - currently we are using a standard flat collar, but I'm wondering what techniques I should be using in this situation? We'll be walking along, with him slightly behind me and then he'll stop dead in his tracks and the leash is taut, with him a couple feet sitting behind me. Sometimes I can excite him enough with a "Lets Go!" and click/treat. And then he'll move forward a few feet, grab his treat and then sit down again. Or, he'll move forward a little bit and then pull again in basically the same direction. He'll do a similar thing towards the end of our walk when we are headed inside, there are always a few really good smells he loves around our little patio and he holds steady as we approach the door, not wanting to come in.
Should I be using "Come!" "Here!" in these situations? How do I maintain and solidify the effectivenes of "Lets Go!".
Now, when I let him off the leash, in a big open field. He'll dilly dally, but when I'm 10+ feet away and call him, he always comes darting towards me. | looking for leash walking tips for when *I* become the puller and the dog doesn't want to budge or move forward. |
t3_l8mls | jobs | Thoughts about changing jobs when you're the only source of income | I've been working for a small AutoCAD/IT consulting company since 2006 and probably within the last year I've been looking for a new job. It is a solid job, my schedule is pretty flexible that if I need to take off for the day or take a long lunch 95% of the time it's not a problem, I get vacation time, matching retirement, and I work in an office alone majority of the time. However, there are no advancements in the company being I work directly for the owner, probably no raise in the near future, the owner does not want a partner, no healthcare (I pay for my own), and I'm bored with the job.
My most recent interview is with a University's IT Department. It's more in line with what my goal is and what my degree is in. This new job will give me an opportunity to learn a lot and more upward mobility for the future. That said it's a sweet gig. I don't know about salary yet, for it is still early in the interview process, my second one is tomorrow. The other day my fiancé said in passing, "well we are going to have to talk about this, since you're the only income right now". We didn't talk much more about it because I really haven't been offered anything.
She makes a valid point; do I give up a stable job to take a new job in shaky economy being I'm our only source of income?
Thoughts and advice?
Also any advice to bring to my discussions with my fiancé. | Do I give up a stable job for a new job even though I'm the only source of income for me and my fiancé? |
t3_278rew | relationships | Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] 3 months, have a question about first relationship feels/ love. | So i've been dating this girl for about 3 months now. She is my first girlfriend I have ever had and we have a ton in common. For her, this is her first i guess serious relationship in college.
I have a friend who is in the same situation but its a been a bit longer for them, it also is his first relationship. And we have a third mutual friend who also says the friend 1 is only still with her because its his first relationship.
I really like this girl on basically every level, and I know she has flaws but I don't care about them, its life everyone has them.
So my question is, how do I know the difference between being inlove with her and just being blinded by her being my first gf?
Also, I'm the type of guy who falls for people fast, but this time I said I'm not going to do that and haven't started having my usual feelings until after like a month. | First girlfriend for me, first serious boyfriend for her. How do I tell the difference between the feeling of being in a first relationship and live |
t3_27bh7p | relationships | The Girl [26/F] that "got away" is showing interest in me [27/M] even though she is technically still in a relationship. | I met her in 2007. I was 20, she was 18 turning 19 and she has always been around since then. I didn't fall for her in the beginning because we were still young and at that age she was more immatured than what I prefered, still lived at home and had some childish behaviours, like she could make random weird noises just for the hell of it, also smoked cigarettes in her room with just the window cracked open, so nothing happen initially.
But we stayed in contact, talked on MSN every now and then, I met other girls, she met other guys, we hanged out every couple of months, and one time when we both were single we slept together, and it was mindblowingly awesome, so we kept doing it but then I had to move across the country for work, and this was in 2011, so we had to end things.
Then she met her current boyfriend, and she has been faithful to him all this time, but now she he proclaimed that she has fallen out of love with him, but she is still with him out of convience, she knows he isn't the shit, but the relationship is good every now and then so she clings on for those moments but she knows it is going to end eventually.
Now she is talking to me like she did back when she was single, about how hot she thinks I am and that she loved when we got together and all that, even though she isn't single.
I'm in the process of moving back, so I could in awhile be geographically close to her as well, but since she "initiated" this while she still had a boyfriend I somehow feel that this is a red flag and this might not be something I should pursue?
What do Reddit think? | A girl I have known for 7 years has fallen out of love with her boyfriend and wants to end things with him, but she has started to show interest in me before she broke it off, should I leave this alone? |
t3_4ujfiu | relationships | I [21m] have been in a relationship with [19f] for a few years. However, I have feelings for my best friend [21f] | I [21m] have been dating my girlfriend [19f] for almost four years and have been happy with her. However, I am coming to grips with the fact that I will always have feelings for my best friend [21f] that I have known since we were 4 years old. I've been in love with her my whole life. The other night we (me and 21f) went to the bar, had some drinks, danced, and sang for hours. We had a great time and plan on going again tonight. She has always referred to me as her best friend but I have spent my whole life wanting to be more. All of this raises many questions in my mind. Does she have feelings for me that she doesn't want to admit because I'm with someone else? Should I even be in the relationship I'm in? Also, any general advice would be helpful. | In a relationship with [19f] but have real feelings for best friend [21f]. Don't know how to handle situation. |
t3_3ocrid | relationships | Me [31M] with my wife [35F] of 10 years, have been apart for 3 months | Nothing wrong here, but asking for ideas. I had to be away for business from my family for 3 months. Something that my wife suggested is writing wants/expectations of each-other so that it may allow the transition to be smoother.
I have lived in a hotel and my life has basically been "static," she has been busy with two boys in school, 4 different after-school activities, and the standard "life-goes-on" stuff.
It's for these reasons that I firmly believe that the wants/expectations letters are a fantastic idea! However, I'm a guy and my wants are simple. I want a made bed, to destroy it that night, and beer in the fridge. I feel like this should go without saying (we've been married long enough). I've learned that if I make the entire letter about sexual wants, it'll actually have a negative effect because it creates unrealistic standards and expectations on her.
So the question, aside from my honestly simple expectations, what are some fair things to "expect" of my wife? | After returning from 3 months apart, what are some fair wants/expectations for me to have of my wife of 10 years, other than sex? |
t3_1ypmzg | relationships | My friend [22 M] was being racist when I asked if he wanted to move with me [21 M] to an apartment. {4 year relationship} | So I asked him if he wanted to move with me and another friend to an apartment complex. He insisted that no because in the past he had trouble with people of a certain race/ethnicity and that was the reason he wouldn't move in with me. Instead he wants to move into the place I'm currently in because - according to him - it is cheaper than the apartment I want to move in to and there's no people around me of that race/ethnicity. Except the complex next to me is full of blacks and he said he knows that.
I told him that a thief mainly goes to people who look like they have money. That's the reason why he was assaulted because he was driving around in an S-Class Mercedes in the wrong neighborhood (away from college).
The neighborhood I chose IS NOT a bad neighborhood. It's literally across the street from where he lives. BTW he wasn't assaulted in his neighborhood.
What can I do? | Friend doesn't want to be around black people and therefore refuses to move into a cheaper apartment that's closer to campus. |
t3_3i8g3u | relationships | I[28M] found out my fiance[28F] is in a cyber-relationship with another woman. Our wedding is in a few weeks. Advice? | My fiance and I had taken a break a few years back and I guess she had met another woman and they had started a cyber relationship. When my fiance and I got back together she was continuing to have cybersex with this girl very often. There were feelings involved and she said that she loved this girl, but wanted to be with me. I found all this out 2 weeks after proposing to her. I told her if she wanted this girl I would respect that and back out of the relationship but she told me she 100% wants to marry me and start a family with me. So I told her that I never want them to meet (girl lives 20min away) and that they can talk as friends but that's it.
This was back in December. Our wedding is in a few weeks and she is pregnant with our first child. I just learned that she has been continuing with this affair since December. They cybersex each other very often and talk about how much they want each other, but apparently haven't met yet. My fiance is very much in love with this girl.
Some of you might say my fiance wants me for my money which is untrue. She's the breadwinner in our relationship and is very assertive and independent. But she is pregnant with my child and says she loves me and wants to spend the rest of my life with me. I love her family and they love me as well, but as a man I need to have some pride about this.
What advice would you give me? Should I ultimatum her? Tell her to either never speak to this girl again or I'll end the engagement? This girl is the love of my life and I know she's the one, but I'm torn as to what to do.
[ | Getting married in a few weeks. Fiance is having an online affair with another woman and has been doing this behind my back for years. Torn as to what to do.] |
t3_z44i2 | AskReddit | Reddit, I'm going in for interview #2 in less than 12 hours for what would be the start of an awesome career, do you have any last minute advice for interviewing with higher-ups? | To clarify, this position would be for a great company, but come with a ton of responsibility. Two of the people I've already interviewed with told me that it would most likely take up to a year to get used to the work since there's so much involved. The pay/benefits would be great (I already make more than the average American, but would be getting a raise of about 50% from where I'm at now).
Basically, I really really want this job, and I think I nailed the first interview that I had earlier this week. I received a callback three hours after finishing up with the interview with them saying they wanted me to come back in to meet with a couple more interviewers. The people I'm interviewing with tomorrow are what I would consider to be bigwigs.
I normally don't get nervous when people are higher ranked than me, but I've been in my current position for over 6 years and am just used to this company. The job I'd be getting would be a much more professional and demanding environment, which I welcome. I'm not sure what I need to do different, or how I can act in the interview with it being more high level, compared to the two I interviewed with that would be my immediate supervisor/manager.
Does anyone have last minute advice, or stories to share? | Big interview tomorrow that could be the start of my career. I nailed the first one, but need to interview with someone higher in the food chain and am freaking out a little bit. |
t3_2gfv1g | pettyrevenge | 100 degrees of leather on your skin | Change of pace for the readers. My SO's 13 year old daughter is the best. Love her like she's my own. Total nerd and into Doctor Who and Sherlock. She's got a bit of a wild streak too and for the past two months I've noticed small things happening around my house. Candies missing, my toy Sonic Screwdriver gets misplaced for a few weeks, popcorn kernels end up in my shoes after movie night, etc.
The little booger has been playing little pranks on me for months now. When I finally figured out it was her and not just random events happening, I quoted Foghorn Leghorn in my best Southern voice, "*I say, I say now... of course you know this means war!*"
I got her back several times over but the war officially started when did the old wet-hands-flicking-water-droplets at the back of her neck as I fake a sneeze. "*Eeeewwwwwww! That's going too far!*"
She launched a salvo in return by over salting my popcorn. Grrr, never mess with a man's popcorn.
I returned the act by reparking my car on the street so that her seat was in direct sunlight in the 100 degree scorcher of a day we just had. We all piled in for Sunday dinner and she squealed as her bared legs touched dark leather seats.
"*Gonna mess with my popcorn again?*"
She whimpers, "helllllll no!"
She got me back by putting ice down my shirt after we ate just as I locked my seat belt. Little snot.
There will be many battles to come in this war of the pranks. I stand resolute! | my SO's daughter plays fun pranks on me and I play them back in return. She over salts my popcorn and I make her favorite seat into an unsittable lava lake on her legs. Good times |
t3_4gxyka | relationships | Advice needed. Ex boyfriend relapsed. | I broke up with my boyfriend recently due to his relapse. A little backstory, we met when I was 16(f) and he was 19. We dated for about 2 years and both partied, but he did way more than I did. He ended up going to jail at 21 for possesion of coke and burglary of habitation.
While he was in jail I left him and got clean but he was out 6 months later on probation. We got back together because I believed her could be sober but it's been a little under 2 years now and he just relapsed.
His psychiatrist prescribed him xanax, even though he had told me he told her he was a drug addict (he didn't). He started acting funny and was showing signs of using. I got him a bad ass job making very good money and he shot his roommate with a bb gun on his third day and did a no call no show and was fired.
I found him at his psych office today (we go to the same one), he was unkept, unshaven and just all around looked like he was using. His room mate even told me he is using. There have been a lot of triggers for him to use but I cannot be with him so I broke up with him.
His PO needs his prescription bottle, which he assured me was stolen (ha), so he tried to get a new prescription today which she denied (he had just filled a 30 day subscription a week ago). He also accidentally texted his dad's friend asking if he was some drug dealer who could sell him bars.
The advice I came here for is how do I stay away from him? I went back to him once already but I know I can't do it again. I broke up with him 3 days ago but I already miss him so much. I'm a straight A pre med student and I know he has nothing going for him but I still want to be with him... I guess.
I don't know. Kind of needed to vent, mostly needed advice. | Ex boyfriend of almost 4 years started using prescription drugs and will probably be going back to jail soon. I need to stay away but I am not sure how. |
t3_2x8x1c | relationships | My ex (25m) of two years posted my (22f) nudes online. | Because I slept with someone AFTER we broke up.
Before when we were having problems and I threatened to breakup with him, he tried to hurt me by lying and saying he had cheated on me throughout our relationship anyway, and that I was getting fat so I wasn't attractive to him anymore anyway. After he said these things, I tried my best to forgive and forget, but I couldn't so I broke it off for good. We had been apart for a week and I slept with someone, and told him because I was hoping it would give him the motivation to try to move on as well. Instead he acted like a maniac, told me I was a whore, and posted my nudes (keep in mind this is the only person I have ever taken nude pictures for, and he knew this was a huge fear of mine).
Now, he feels sorry and is apparently making changes to his life in order to "get me back" but I honestly don't see that happening. This was my first real relationship and the first time I had been in love. But, I don't think I could ever be with someone that was that vindictive towards me, and that broke my trust to that extent. I wasn't the perfect girlfriend to him either, and he has a way of manipulating me into feeling guilty, but I am doing the right decision not to get back together with him right? I mean how many more chances can a person get before they are completely walking over me? | Ex posted my nudes and I want to know if it is really possible to forgive and forget/can he really change for the better? |
t3_1tykc0 | relationships | [22M]Having a lot of doubt towards the future of our relationship [21F] | Hello everyone, today I finally mustered up the courage to ask for advice on this. For a while I didn't want to believe there was a problem but now it's too obvious to me to ignore it. She confesses to me how in love with me she is all the time and as nice as it should feel, it really doesn't-and that kills me inside. She is a wonderful person, my family loves her, and I haven't met anyone who doesn't like her.
We were long distance for 3 years while she was away in college(we only knew each other for a few months before she moved away) and for that period of time it was nice. I had my space, she had hers. We both longed for the dream of living together, which I felt would make everything better, and for me it really hasn't. I'm nowhere near as happy as I thought I'd be, it really hurts to say this. I love her so much, I'm fighting back tears right now. She's sitting close to me as I'm typing this.
My feelings on this subject are that I need to come to a decision on this because I feel it's completely unfair to her to drag it on and waste days that she won't ever get back-days that she could be spending in another guy's arms who feels the same way about her as she does for him. I feel selfish for even writing about this. If anyone can help me with what I can do to either save or end this relationship for me I would be eternally grateful. | I'm a idiot who is in a relationship with a wonderful girl and yet I don't feel the same way she feels about me. |
t3_3tosoa | relationships | Help me [20 M] say no to visiting my parents [40s M/F] every damn weekend, especially this one. | Hello /r/relationships. I'm wondering if anyone's had similar experiences that they could share with me.
I'm studying in a university currently, 1st year. The city is a 3-hour bus ride from the place my family lives. This is great in many respects, but as it turned out comes with some problems as well.
My parent want me to visit, if not every weekend, then at least every other one. Or they want to visit me instead.
I know it they genuinely miss me, and generally we are on very good terms, so I'd like to break this to them without antagonising or hurting them.
I've tried just saying it of course, but I don't think they want to listen. Especially my mom, she would always go on about how it's just one or two days out of my life and no big deal.
That's not true, I'm often struggling to keep up with my programme while keeping at least some time to myself. So it's not "just a day" or two, it's often my only chance to catch up with my programme. Like this, I feel like I just have a part time job on the weekends. Again, I told them this, but every time it's as if it misses their ears.
-----
Most importantly I have to tell them this this weekend. At least that I won't be able to come tomorrow. It is very hard for me to say no, so in the end I agreed to come. I have a big assignment looming over, but I thought maybe I could do it by Sunday.
Well its Saturday and it's clear as day that I can't. They've even bought me a ticket (just for you to see how much they pamper me). How do I break it to them without upsetting them? | tired of being pampered and having to visit my parents every weekend. Also would like help on how to say I'm not coming tomorrow. |
t3_11q6dl | relationships | SO mentions me working out (rather, lack of) somewhat often. Why? | I'm 21F he's 21M. We've been dating for almost 3.5 years. Great relationship and everything. I'm 5ft 3in and about 115. Used to play a sport and have always been athletic. Haven't been so active since I started college in '09, and have lost muscle tone but overall I think I still look good. He keeps bringing up me working out though. He asks me if I have, he suggests that I do, etc. Starting to make me feel like he sees something wrong with my physique. I know my butt could be tighter and my legs more toned, but he has some things he could work on as well but I never say anything to him about it because I think it's rude, and would make him feel bad. Which is why I am curious as to why he keeps mentioning working out to me; I expect the same courtesy. I'm an adult, and I know I should get more exercise but that's my business. I have a hard time not snapping at him when he mentions it. [This is because when I am back home during breaks/summer, my dad mentions it almost every day (he's a health nut) and it pisses me off. When my SO mentions exercise, it reminds me of my dad saying the same things] Suggestions? | Boyfriend wants me to exercise more, I'm not overweight by any means and am wondering why he asks, and what to do about it. |
t3_2nlcqp | relationships | [29/F] On being friends with an ex, rejection, and forgiveness. | I've recently recognized a pattern: I am friends/friendly with any exes who I broke up with (who also want to be friends/friendly), but I am decidedly NOT friends with the people who have broken up with ME. I generally refuse to speak to them at all. Ever.
I recognize this as an ego problem. I can't take rejection. I know it would be good to learn how to get past it, become a bigger person, hold fewer grudges, etc. But it seriously burns me up so bad that I can't. Even if I have zero interest in the person anymore.
I feel physically incapable of ever being genuinely friendly toward anyone who has taken my heart and my emotions and stomped on them. Even 5 years later, or 8 years. It's already hard for me to admit that I have feelings (ENTJ), and if I show them to you and you throw them in my face, you are basically dead to me. Even if you don't throw them. Even if you just gently hand them back to me and say, "No thanks." Still dead to me. Forever.
I know, I know. It's a harsh line.
I do wonder: How is this going to burn me in the future? Give me some good reasons to work on this aspect of my personality, Redditors! (OR, confirm that I am awesome and should change nothing.) (Doubtful.) | Is an incapability to overcome rejection in love (and forgive, let go, etc.) a fatal personality flaw? How & why? |
t3_1dqmqi | jobs | What Questions can help create a Shadowing/Interning Opportunity from an informal Meeting? | **Background**: I graduated last year with a BA in History and am currently a contract employee for a Fortune 500 company. I'm one of a few new-hires working with their Tier III Customer Service team. I don't have a specific career plan, but I believe I would like working in IT (During school I made some money by helping local small businesses backup/upgrade/clean/expand their systems and general consulting stuff, all of which I enjoyed). To that end I'm working towards a post-bacc in IT Management. I've think I've made good impressions on my boss, his boss, and her boss. The highest level boss that I've met knows I'm studying IT and got me a 1 hour 1 on 1 meeting with our site's head of IT. The meeting is next week and my goal is to work myself into a Shadowing/Interning opportunity. My boss knows my goal for the meeting and has said he'll work with me and my staffing agency to let me spend time with IT if the opportunity comes up. I must have made good impressions to land an hour long meeting with IT, because, unless they're thinking about keeping me somewhere in the company, I can't imagine how they'd benefit from spending time on a contract employee.
**Question**: What questions or just general pointers/tips can help me turn this meeting into an opportunity to spend time (Shadowing/Interning) with their IT team?
I genuinely want to know what exactly they do in the company, what projects they're working on and the like, so I'll be asking questions along those lines. Within the month I'll have saved enough for the post-bacc and it would probably be best to look for an IT job/internship since I'll only have student status for around 2 years, so I'm approaching this as a shot to create my own internship/shadowing opportunity within the company I'm at now. | I want to move from customer service to IT within my company, what questions in a 1 on 1 meeting w/IT can help make it happen? Thanks. |
t3_wv9dt | AskReddit | Anyone interested in me writing a journal of my thoughts and discoveries while reading the bible for the first time? | As the title says, you interested? The thought was to begin with the new testament (That's the one I have in paper form atm)
Here's a taste on what I'm gonna be writing:
"So, started reading *the* book today.. Well, It didn't take long for me to start laughing like a bloody maniac.. Here's why.
On the first page they start by following Jesus heritage back to David, among others, and then this bit comes: *Matthan was the father of Jacob. Jacob was the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary—of whom Jesus was born, who is called the Christ.*
*So there were fourteen generations from Abraham to David, fourteen generations from David to the exile to Babylon, and fourteen generations from the exile to Babylon to the Christ.*
Aren't we forgetting something? Look at this:
*This is how the birth of Jesus Christ took place. When Mary his mother was engaged to Joseph, before they were married, she became pregnant by the Holy Spirit. Joseph her husband was a righteous man. Because he didn't want to humiliate her, he decided to call off their engagement quietly. As he was thinking about this, an angel from the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, don't be afraid to take Mary as your wife, because the child she carries was conceived by the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you will call him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins." *
So, Jesus is the son of Joseph, who is the son of Jac.. No wait, that's not right. Jesus is the son of **God**, not Joseph. She was a virgin when she birthed Jesus, therefore Jesus does not have any relation to Joseph, and not to David. Oh, unless Joseph and Mary was related.. But then that would be even more wrong, wouldn't?
So, | Read first page of New Testament, they fucked up, tried to pass Jesus as a descendant of King David, just proper bullshit. |
t3_3vud2l | askwomenadvice | Me [26 F] with my friend [26 M] he often ignores my messages. Am I crazy for being upset and how do I talk to him about it? | in order to avoid a wall of text I'll use bullet points.
- Friend and I got close a year and a half ago. We talked daily and gradually started sexting and doing things on Skype since we live far away from each other. We talked on the phone several times a week and would text daily.
- friend started ignoring my messages, I asked him what's up, he said he's busy with work. I gave him space.
- the sexting/flirting stopped (which I'm okay with) and we started talking less and less. I thought he'd lost interest and didn't want to even be friends anymore, so I stopped contacting him.
- he didn't cut off contact completely. He'd send me snaps here and there, and I'd send him some too.
- recently he messaged me regarding a job opportunity and I was happy for him. A couple of days go by and I text him asking how it went. He read my message but never responded.
- since this isn't the first time that he has read my message without responding (actually it has become the rule rather than the exception) I'm upset about this. I know he said he's busy with work but can you really be too busy to even send a text message?
- I want to talk to him about it at least, and if he doesn't respond I'll delete his number and everything, even though it'll be hard since I care about him. How do I approach it though? He won't take my calls so that's not an option, so I'll have to leave him a text.
- what do I say? How do I phrase this? | friend ignores my texts but still texts me on his own sometimes. It drives me nuts and I want to talk to him about it. What do I text him, since that's the only way to contact him? |
t3_z5tbf | relationships | After only six weeks of dating I'm now in a long distance relationship while I'm out of the country for five months. How do I stay committed? | I 24/M met my girlfriend 22/F six weeks before I was to leave the country for five months to study abroad. We both knew I would be leaving soon so we didn't put any kind of label on it at first or have any long term plans. We just thought we'll go out for a while and then I'll be gone and maybe when I get back we'll see what happens. However in that short time period we found we were both seriously attracted to each other both in terms of personality and sexually. We didn't have sex even though we both wanted to because she didn't want to have sex so early in a relationship and I felt it would make things more complicated and liked how easy going it was.
The night before I left we talked about what we wanted and we both knew that when I got back we wanted to be able to have a shot at a serious relationship so we made it official and decided that neither of us would see anyone else while I was gone.
Now I'm in another country. Staying in a school of 80 people that's 80-90% female, pretty much all nice and attractive girls. I know if I have sex or develop feelings for anyone else that kinda ruins what I have with the girl back home and if I did anything without telling her that would only make me suspicious and jealous of anyone around her while I'm gone. At the same time I'm living with all these great girls and partying with them and whatnot and it's not as if I can ignore all of them for the entire time I'm here.
I keep in touch with my girlfriend back home but it's not the same as having someone who's actually here. And of course the thought of how ridiculous it seems to stay committed to someone for several months after only knowing them for six weeks comes across my mind.
So what do I do while here? I make it known that I have a girlfriend but even then when everyone is partying or just living in close proximity to one another it's easy for things to come up anyway. | met a girl six weeks before leaving the country for five months. How do I not do anything with any girl while I'm away? |
t3_356y8d | relationships | I (23/f) am falling too deep for my (24/m) partner, it's only been a year. | April 2014- I end a toxic relationship with Ex. We were both living with my mom, due to the disagreements she told me to move out so he could stay.
May-June- Ex always made me feel terrible for enjoying sex so I went rogue. I was living in my car but mostly bed hopping with fwbs. One of my main fwbs is my now boyfriend. I developed genuine feelings for him which scared me so were kept in the dark. He had feelings for me but were also kept in the dark because of me just getting back to being single. We started hanging out until I was sleeping over his place majority of the week. This wasn't because of my situation because there were other beds. I just loved being around him and seeing him happy. I tried to tell him I was crushing but he brushed it off. Later he admitted he also had feelings but didn't want to be my rebound.
July- Partner and I are now living together, he was always foreshadowing it. Giving me room in his dresser, closet, shower, and just finding spaces to fit me in his room. We're still officially fwbs but we were acting like a couple. It was still a lot of fun so we went with it.
August- Officially dating and inlove. All of our friends teased us about how it took long enough but the label terrified me. I was fine with loving him with out him loving me. Now that he loves me... I was scared. It took a lot of time to accept. And now that I have things are going beautifully. I'm just now scared about how well things are. I've never met such a beautiful soul and I'm happy how well we communicate. Just theres a buzzard flying around my head, bringing up ideas of marriage and soul mate. I've never been in this situation, I usually run away from the idea of finding The One. Now that I probably have I have no clue how to relax and enjoy. | This is the healthiest, safest, happiest relationship I've ever been in. How do I know I'm not getting ahead of myself? |
t3_3bpjsg | relationships | Me [23M] with my girlfriend [22F]. My girlfriend constantly wants to wear my clothes but then keeps them for herself. She no longer even asks to borrow them; she just takes what she wants. | There's really not much more to the story than what the title says. My girlfriend constantly takes my clothes out of my closet and wears them, which wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that she always winds up keeping them. Most of the time I don't even know that something is gone until I go to my closet to get it and it isn't there, which means that it is at her place. Even if I bring my clothes back from her apartment, the same thing happens again. At this point, most of my shirts and coats are being worn by my girlfriend. The only things I have left are what she refuses to wear.
It wasn't this bad at first. She only wanted to occasionally wear one of my hoodies or sweatshirts during the colder months. I didn't care that much and actually thought it was cute to see her walk around in my university's gear. However, it stopped being cute when she started wanting to wear/borrow more of my clothes but didn't want to give them back.
I did try and confront her, but she claims that this is normal behavior and says it makes her feel closer to me. Even though I have told her that I don't like this, she refuses to listen. I hate to break up what is otherwise a good relationship over such a minor issue, but the fact that she won't listen and doesn't respect my wishes bothers me. I don't know what else to do other than lock my clothes away, which is ridiculous to even consider. | Girlfriend has started wearing most of my clothes but refuses to give them back. I am concerned by her inability to respect my wishes. Is there something I can do to save what is an otherwise good relationship? |
t3_12l7zv | relationships | Reddit please help... | Reddit please help... I know I'm not a terrible person but I did a terrible thing. I (26f) am with (and living with) the person who has been my best friend for 10 years(25m). We have been in a relationship for almost 3. I love him more than I could possibly explain and we have always had this strange pull toward each other. He has loved me and wanted to be together for all 10 years but its complicated.
Two months ago after taking my anxiety medication (Klonopin) in the morning I went out to celebrate a recent promotion with some work friends. Something happened, I had no memory of it, but a coworker kissed me and I did not stop it. I thought we might have had sex, and when I told the love of my life I didn't want to leave out any details so I told him it might have happened. Turns out we did not, but I know I still cheated on him technically and lost all trust that we had between us.
He is a man, and not dealing with his emotions like we do, but I am so confused and don't know what to do. I have told him multiple times I would fight for us and do whatever it takes to make this right and still be with the person I've always been pulled towards, but I'm worried that in his anger and hurt I'm losing him and my whole life. Please don't tell me over and over how I fucked up because I am aware and it kills me to know I did this but is there any way to fix it. I know he is the only person that understands me and vice versa. I love him so much and I truly wasn't conscious of what happened that night. Help please.. Ill take any advice, except telling me to kill myself. Failed attempt. Saved by the ex. | I am not a horrible person but I did something horrible. How do I keep it from losing the love if my life? |
t3_3f4ubl | Parenting | Parents, please give me your advice for young child going through major operation. How to advocate/care for them...pre/post op care... | Hi everyone. My son has complex congenitally corrected transposition of the greater arteries. Catching complications from surgery and staying ahead of emergencies must be flawless if he is to survive.
I've read in years past here, awesome/amazing advice on how yall advocate for your kids, timing your arrival for when nurses get briefed for day, etc., etc....
I've had tears in my eyes over years reading your stories and help you've given each other. I really, really need your advice and suggestions now. Our son has two healthy older siblings but under age five and we have family in city where surgery will be performed, but we will not be in our home city. So, advice for helping siblings.... should we see a counselor to help siblings understand what is going on or how do we talk about all of this with them? I imagine myself glued to my son's side during recovery, but I don't want to damage his siblings by making them afterthought. How to juggle??!
He will have open heart surgery and actually two surgeries at same time. His surgery and recovery will be very, very intense. I've been told by mutual friend who happens to be pediatric cardiologist that I need to start advocating now, and keeping my emotions together now as well as start to accept that he might not make it--that his best hope if he makes it through surgery is my advocacy and staying on top of ICU staff. His recovery process must be executed flawlessly for him to survive unavoidable complications that will follow surgery.
Please tell me your best advice for keeping good relationship with doctors, nurses, how to be apart of his team so he has best possible outcome!!???
Thank you so much for your time and help! | son will have major surgery coming up, and I am in great need of advice on how other parents have successfully navigated this circumstance in the hospital, leading up to, during surgery and recovery in surgery! Am grateful to any help!!!! |
t3_2ysd03 | relationships | My, [20 M], friend, [20 F], who I've had a crush on all of college finally broke up with her long term boyfriend and she likes me a lot, but I have a long term girlfriend. | I've been crushing on this beautiful, funny, perfect girl in my major, ever since I met her freshman year of college. She has such a fantastic body and personality and we really click together even if we don't hang out a lot, or talk outside class too often.
I always treated her as off limits because she had a long term boyfriend for most of college, but yesterday they just broke up, and our mutual friend tells me that she has a crazy crush on me too, and she always has. This makes me so stressed! When I'm stressed I'm sick all the time, generally miserable and I really can't go on like this.
I love my girlfriend, but when you're with someone for a long time, sometimes the bad things will overtake the good, for example sometimes we fight because we are both depressive and always feel like we aren't enough for each other.
We always make up and have a pretty great relationship, but it's hard not to think the grass would be greener on the other side. I'm not sure how to get closure in this situation without making me feel like continual shit for messing up my relationship, or missing out on my dream girl, even if it doesn't last.
I was thinking of telling my friend I had a crush on her, but I also don't want anything ill to get back to my girlfriend because I really do love her and I don't want to hurt her or our relationship.
I know this crush is just a little bit of feelings and it shouldn't matter but it's eating me up inside :[ | Perfect- girl who I have had a crush on for 4 years is now single from long term bf, but now I have a long term gf. What do? |
t3_2qpxkd | relationships | 20 M dealing with 19 F breakup. How do I get over it? And how do I feel justified? | This is going to be a long story, I apologize in advance. Recently I dumped the girl I've known my entire highschool career after dating her for almost a year. However, about 2 months In, things start getting really weird in the relationship.
She becomes sick with a sinus infection and is out of school for 2 months. During that time I wasn't allowed to see her or take her out. In addition to this, she refused to get Skype or call me too. So I waited and waited and waited.
After the two months is when the relationship takes a turn for the worst. She becomes very stressed and starts taking vast amounts of anger out on me. This was really heartbreaking for me because I was doing nothing wrong and getting yelled at for doing nothing wrong.
The thing that drove me to break up with her was the fact that I spent 5 hours at her rehearsal for band. After the fact I come up to hug her and she says no and just hi. Then she goes up to other band members smiling and laughing and rubbing up against the guy members. After this, I ask her if I can drive her home. She says no and that she wants to just "go home." We sit in silence and then her decision changes as soon as her friend invites her to ice cream.
This wasn't the only time she's done something abnormal. Once she showed me everything she kept that past boyfriends gave her. When I said I didn't like that. She walked over to the corner and rocked back and forth in the fetal position.
For the last two months I've been really confused o. Whether I liked her or the relationship and its been a really confusing road. I just need closure from this because its eating away at me. Some days I feel like I'm justified but others I really regret my decision. What should I do? | I feel really depressed about my breakup but some days I feel justified and others I get really depressed. What do I do? |
t3_3uyqmw | relationships | Me [21 M] with my Best Friend [20 M] of 5 years, constant problems and drifting apart? | Hi r/relationships, I've been having constant problems with my online friend of 5 years lately and idk how to fix it or do about it. Let me begin by saying I live on the West coast and he lives on the East coast. We're both gamers and have met for tournaments for CoD and Halo. So it's a 99% online relationship.
Lately he has been ignoring my skype messages. We used to talk everyday about everything but not so much anymore, instead I don't really receive messages from him but if he does want to be added to the call (if there is one going) he will ask my other friend who I recently (5 months or so) introduced to our mates through DotA.
Now my friend is constantly talking to him instead of me, rarely talks to me about anything and it's making me SUPER jealous. I admit it, I'm being a bit childish about it but I am just really jealous tbh. Sometimes he will play my friend in CoD but when I ask always says no or he is busy so I get shitty at him as a result. He also will sometimes have a jab at me or others in the skype group chat randomly which also annoys me. I honestly have no idea what to do, I'm really close to the new friend I introduced but I'm not so close to my old friend anymore and I'm not sure how to fix it or what to do. What do you guys recommend?
Thanks r/relationships | Best online friend of 5 years stops talking to me and has replaced me with the new friend I introduced. Overall avoids me and I'm not sure how to fix or what to do. |
t3_ki2at | AskReddit | Reddit, I want to go to grad school for Electrical Engineering but I have some questions.. | I just graduated this August with a BS in Physics and a 3.3 cumulative GPA. I haven't taken the GRE yet, but am scheduled to do so, and I anticipate doing well on the math section. In addition, I have spent 4 months working in a fuel cell research lab, and am currently doing thermoelectric materials research at a prestigious institution (where I did not graduate from). I believe that I would be a great candidate, if it were not for my somewhat low GPA and the fact that I am not an engineering undergrad.
So my question is this: Which schools have a good EE department that I have a good chance of getting into? I have already learned about Boston University's LEAP program, which is a 2 year program designed for people that want to study engineering without the bachelor degree. Are there any other such programs? Is there anything extra I could do to make myself more competitive? Do I have a chance in hell of getting into an excellent institution? | I want to go to Engineering grad school, but only have a 3.3 GPA in Physics, not in Engineering, and am hoping to be able to get in to good schools anyway. |
t3_4djsjj | relationships | My [22 F] boyfriend [22 M] of 7 months is upset that I'm trying to go to bed on the early side (11pm) instead of staying up with him. Reasonable? | Greetings, r/relationships. I need help. I think this is possessive controlling behavior, but I need to hear someone else confirm.
A little bit of backstory: I got a new job, and our communication has been a bit wonky. We haven't been talking at the same pace as we normally do (constantly) because I've started working.
We also recently ended a pretty big argument. Basically I had kept a piece of information from him that I knew would bother him: a guy from my high school (whom I'd never spoken to) works at the same company that I work at. I knew this would've bothered him when I applied, but to avoid the possibility that he would prevent me from applying, I kept it from him. I told him that he works at the company after I started, and he immediately sniffed out that I kept that detail from him.
All day today I've kept in contact with him through texting, and I texted him all throughout lunch without pause, and I FaceTimed him the entire evening. He asked me what time I wanted to go to bed, I told him preferably 11pm, but I could also stay up until 12.
He's telling me that because I drew a hard line for when I want to stop spending time with him, I'm being a bad girlfriend. He's been going through a difficult time finding a job, and is about to graduate soon. And because of these reasons, I should stay up with him, spend time with him and support him. I haven't been sleeping much, and I drive to work, so in order to get enough sleep to drive safely to work I wanted to be in bed by 11pm. Someone please help me parse this! I can't tell if I'm being a bad girlfriend, or if he's being a bad boyfriend, or perhaps it's a mixture of both... | Boif's been mad at me. I haven't been sleeping. Is it selfish of me to prioritize sleep over spending time with him? |
t3_107xi1 | relationships | My GF[19] of about 1 year says she doesn't feel the same way about me[21] as she used to and might want to just be friends | My GF and I met each other at a party in college last year and instantly hit it off. We dated for about a year and now she is saying that she doesn't feel the same way she used to and that she might just want to be friends. I would really like to save this relationship and I'm wondering if there is anything you guys think I can do to remind her why she's with me, or if I should just cut my losses and end it. Also, if I do end it should I try to just be friends with her even though it will be hard or cut all ties with her. | GF says she might want to just be friends and I want to remind her why she's with me and try to save our relationship |
t3_16nauw | relationship_advice | I (18M) need advice for my relationship with my gf (18f) | This is my first post on this subreddit. This has been making me sick, I need your help.
My gf and I met in high school during freshman year. we started off as friends. Two years later, we started to fall for each other and I finally asked her out about 9 months ago. Our relationship started out great. Her family loves me, and my family loves her. However, she has some major emotional issues like depression and possibly an abusive father. I waited to overcome my depression before I asked her out. We were doing very well, however her emotional issues have changed her. I have been trying to help her as much as possible. She calls me names a lot and acts like a jerk. Then she feels bad about it later, It repeats sometimes with her acting mean then apologizing. She often becomes withdrawn and she doesn't talk about her feelings at all. She tells me she was raised to take care of herself and that feelings are for the weak. She is reckless, and childish too. She likes to be vulgar. I'm not saying she has to act like a lady, but she does things at inappropriate times. She is also one of the most caring, sweet, loyal, and wonderful people I have ever met. She likes to help my family out and has bonded with my mom. She is a major part of my life. She is also going to see a doctor soon about her depression. We have been struggling with deciding to break up, take a break, or stay together, but she always chooses to stay with me. I feel like we should go back to friends or take a break. I don't want to break her heart, but we aren't doing so well as a couple. I am totally willing to stay together and fix the relationship with her. I just don't know if we should stay together because of the emotional issues. We love each other, but it has gotten out of hand. | My gf is depressed,acts childish and vulgar but I love her and don't know how to continue our relationship or break up. |
t3_3a5rv3 | relationships | Me [20'sF] with my "ex" [20'sM] 1 year+, emotionally abusive, I want to talk to his parents after I move ... | My ex was abusive emotionally, manipulative, liar and a lot of things, I want to talk to his parents about this after it is over because I deeply care for him, and I really care about them too, I am however terrified of him... I know he won't hurt me anymore, and if he did kill me, I wouldn't really mind tbh, but I really feel like I should warn them before he does this to someone else... He's refusing to get help, making half promises, half apologies, etc. He's now 'acting' sad after a while of 'acting' "I'm so angry with you I really hate you, but I also love you." (We still live together)
Please help me, ... Do I say something or is it just not my place anymore? I feel guilty abandoning him ... He wants me to stay silent, but I've had to call the police on him choking me to death, and I'm afraid he's only going to escalate as a person ...
He's acting kindly now, so don't worry, but I'm terrified, I really want to say something, but I don't want to be the 'spitefull' ex, because I'm really not, I just *care* ... Thankyou, please help me | emotionally and physically abusive boyfriend, everyone thinks/sees nice caring guy, should I talk to inlaws about what he did? (it's not just a small issue, he punches himself and stuff at times, ...) |
t3_3m72xl | personalfinance | Advice re choosing between vanguard ETF and vanguard (managed) index (AUS) | In Australia, [Vanguard's index funds] have comparatively high (to the US Vanguard) management costs - 0.70%-0.90% for first $50,000, decreasing in $50,000 increments until a balance is > $100,000. The funds are managed, which was not something I was looking for either.
On the other hand, [Vanguard ETFs] have management costs between 0.05%-0.30%, but would obviously incur a brokerage fee per transaction. Prices vary, but from what I can tell, in Australia this varies between $14.95 - $19.95 per transaction.
I was thinking perhaps with the lower managements costs the ETFs might be the way to go. Regarding brokerages costs, to make it more cost-effective, one strategy might be to direct the money I would have had auto-deducted into the index fund into a high-earning interest account (3.50%), and only making a transaction in $5,000 blocks. But then again, this might be harder to do with multiple ETFs - i.e. I'll be doing everything in large chunks every few months and asset allocation might be a hassle. Also, it's less... 'passive' than I hoped my investment style would be - I like the idea of having an amount deducted automatically before I see it so I don't have to emotionally engage with the market etc.
And a last point, I used Vanguard's fund comparison tool to compare, as an example, the Vanguard Australian Shares High Yield ETF and the Vanguard High Yield Australian Shares Fund. [These are the results] As one would except, literally everything is the same except for the '12 month yield' percentages - the ETF has a 12 month yield of 7.43% and the index fund has 11.94%. Is this the result of fund management? Or is this the result of dividends being automatically reinvested into the fund? | Vanguard managed index funds have higher management costs than ETFs, but a higher 12 month yield; ETFs would incur brokerage costs + be harder to manage asset allocation. Which would you choose? |
t3_3d91zt | relationships | Me [22 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] of almost 2 years(originally long distance) I need advice on adjusting to living in the same area. | I recently graduated from Ohio State this past May and got my first job in a city that's close by to where my girlfriend goes to college. She has one year left, so it worked out pretty well.
We dated semi-long distance(2 hours driving distance) for a year and a half while I was in college, and it went well. We saw each other almost every other weekend and we would spend the whole weekend together. But now, I'm a 10 minute drive from her and I feel like she's annoyed with me wanting to hangout all the time.
I work full time, so I'll ask about having dinner together, or watching a movie because I'm usually in bed by 11 and up at 6:30 for work the next day. I don't have any friends in the area yet, and my coworkers are not close to my age by any means.
I don't really know what to do, I feel like I either stay at home by myself during the week, or I annoy her by asking her to hangout every day.
I go to the gym around 4 times a week after work, so my days are pretty busy yet I feel like I'm bothering her at times.
I guess my question is, how do I adjust to living alone and being more independent, when I have no one else to hangout with? | I was long distance with my girlfriend, now I live 10 minutes away from her, how do I adjust to being closer by without coming off as too needy, ps I have no friends in my new city yet besides my girlfriend. |
t3_4cfxjn | relationships | Me [21 M] with my GF [22 F] 8 months, my GF's "guy friends" are assholes when I'm around and she doesn't see it | My girlfriend is in a sorority and she hangs out with frat guys. We go to the club with them because one of them is a club promoter and gets all the benefits (line by-pass, half priced bottles, etc).
When I'm with her, she never has fun as they ignore her and me after we shake hands and talk for a bit. They take off with their own crowd, etc. I know they are not like that when I'm not around. They'd be all over her and that's why she still goes out with them, because they're not always ignorant of her.
If I bring anything up about it, she just calls me jealous and doesn't see the common theme. How do I bring up such a subject to her without coming across jealous? Her guy-friends are just not nice people. | GFs guy friends are jerks, and when I say something, it sounds jealous. How do I say it in a different way? |
t3_ozxyj | loseit | Is keto the best way to keep the pounds melting off, or can carb-heavier diets do the same with control? | Hey guys, I started my journey of weight loss Dec.08th of 2011, and so far I have dropped about 35 pounds (270 to 235) I'm male and 6'0.
I recently started going to the gym with my more fit friends (we go 3 days a week starting off with 20 min cardio, then chest shoulders one day, legs lower back etc the next) and they keep telling me that I need to eat a lot more carbs (currently on keto) now that I am lifting, but everytime I try to eat even ~100 carbs I feel guilty about cheating, since keto has done so well for me without any exercise.. The reason I'm asking is because I read a lot that the thing that makes keto so great is how full it keeps you and you don't get the cravings that carbs will give you, but I'm also very strong when it comes to self control and I've come so far, I don't see myself bingeing or anything.
So what do you think [/r/loseit](/r/loseit)! am I fine lifting with keto even though I can handle the cravings of higher carb diets? or should I switch over to something more lifting friendly? and if so what would you recommend works best to continue keeping the fat coming off fast. Thanks guys! | I want to continue to lose weight at the rate keto does for me, but not sure if carb heavier diets can do that for me, help? |
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