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t3_2e3udg | relationships | I [24M] want to have a friendship with my ex-girlfriend [22F] | I met this woman few months ago and we were good friends at the beginning, we tried to have a long distance relationship between us but at the end that didn't work for her and she broke up with me, a couple of days after that she told me that she was cheating on me and since then I've not spoken to her, she confessed to one of her friends that she didn't cheated on me and that she told me that because she was angry, I was trying to push her to be my girlfriend and well, she told me that to make me feel like shit and leave her alone.
She also told to her friend that she always saw me like a good friend and never wanted to hurt me like she did. She doesn't know that I know that she wasn't cheating on me and I would like to recover that friendship that we had at the beginning, I know this is a stupid idea but I really want her back in my life even is she's only my friend, but I don't know how to approach her and talk about what happened, also I don't want to break the confidence between my ex-girlfriend and her friend. | Broke up with girlfriend, not talk to her anymore, but I want her to be my friend, any advice? |
t3_2hahn8 | dogs | Nearly 17 year old mutt, tips for senior years? | WwwI've had Emma for almost 17 years. I'm in my late 20's so this dog is more like a sibling than a dog. I really want to make sure her "retirement" years are full of a good quality of life! I think I'm doing all I can, but I just want other I put to see if maybe I'm gorgetting something?
She's in relatively good health. Shes about 25 lbs and I was told she sI a Sheltie/Shepherd mix. Bloodwork is good, I take her to the vet every 6 months. Just mild arthritis, some vision and hearing loss and she sleeps a lot!
The vet is amazed at her energy level. She still has those crazy run around the house moments. I notice her slowing down and just want to do whatever I can to help her enioy her life.
I keep her calm by putting her kennel (without a door on it) in the large bathroom of the house with blankets and food and water at all times. Its quiet in there so she doesn't get stressed out. I take her on walks but some days they arent very long because she gets tired. She's on glucosamine supplements and I use an enzymatic toothpaste since she's too old for proper dentals now.
I'm investing in a sturdy dog stroller for her because she LOVES being outside and it helps me get my exercise too. The latest purchase today were non slip doggy spcks because she slips sometimes on the hardwood sections of the house.
The biggets thing I'm worried about is that I'm moving in a few weeks and want to make sure she's adjusted well to that quickly with minimal stress. She's traveled by car a lot, even recently. She has also moved about 10+ yimes in her life! Her kennel is her safe haven and she sleeps for 8+ hr car rides no problem. My plan is to just turn the bathroom once again into her "room" if space allows since that's what she's used to.
Thanks for any input! | My fur baby is a golden girl and I want to see if there's something I should be doing to help her age gently :) |
t3_1vqacs | relationships | Do I [24F] have any business suggesting that my bf [36M] change his appearance? | We've been together about 6 months.
My boyfriend is a good looking guy, but very insecure. He's been rocking this haircut since before we got together that can best be described as... well... Sokka.
(This is not intentional on his part.)
Now initially, I dug this. I found it very edgy and cool. I appreciate bold style choices.
But over the months I've been with him, his sides have grown in a couple times and I've realized he actually looks WAY better that way. He's got gorgeous thick, dark, wavy hair, and I've had to hide my disappointment when he tells me he's going in to get the sides buzzed down again.
Now that I've sort of fallen in love with his full head of hair, I really want to ask him to let it grow in and maybe even ditch the ponytail. But I feel like it's not my place to ask him to change his look. It's not, like, fundamental to who he is... he's had other haircuts in the past. I think he just kind of feels comfortable with this now and he's in a rut.
I also really don't want to hurt his feelings or make him think I don't like how he looks. Like I said, he's very insecure despite being a handsome dude. | Getting tired of my BF's Sokka haircut. Should I tell him how amazing I think he looks with the sides grown in, or mind my own beeswax? |
t3_13ekuw | AskReddit | Reddit, my family is hiding my passport from me to stop me from moving out, what do? | After graduating from university in the UK, I returned home to the UAE to live with my parents, mostly due to them saying that job prospects would be amazing and all - turns out it wasn't especially true for somebody who doesn't speak Arabic. After 3 months with no luck I began playing with the idea of just sticking to my original plan and returning to the UK for work (British citizen).
I cocked up soon after by going out and leaving my computer unlocked. My partner noted that I signed on to an instant messaging service whilst I was meant to be out. Two days later, I noticed my passport was missing and genuinely thought I could have misplaced it. Soon after, I went through my browser history to find someone had gone through my private messages on facebook (where I've discussed my plans to leave), my emails, and my conversation logs with my partner (who they're not meant to know about). I'm sceptical that it's a mere coincidence and believe my mother has hidden it as I've searched the house thoroughly and it hasn't turned up for a week.
I come from a religious family where a female is expected to do as she's told by her family, and only move out when she gets married off so she can do as she's told by her husband, and well....fuck that shit? I want to be able to live my own life and not adhere to the rules of a religious text that i don't believe in.
Local British embassy is shut until Tuesday and I feel somewhat trapped.
How can I get back to the UK as soon as possible? Without involving police ideally? =/ | Mother has hidden my (british) passport. I want to leave the UAE and get back to the UK. (Also I'm 21) |
t3_3en2ft | relationships | I [22, F] was recently dumped by my first love and am feeling devastated. I want to hear your "moving on" stories to give me something to believe in! | It happened a few days ago. I'm trying by best to stay positive, even though I have my moments. My mind can't even fathom that I could possibly love someone else some day.
The only thing getting me through is this little thought in the back of my head saying that everything happens for a reason and that one day I will look back and be glad it happened because I will be with someone who will make me so much happier. I would love to hear stories of things turning out this way for people to make that voice just a little bit louder. | My mind needs help believing that I will be able to move on with my life and I would love to hear stories of people getting over that first love. |
t3_1yttjf | relationship_advice | [25/m] My girlfriend [26/f] lives on the other side of the world and it's time to resolve the distance. | This one's a doozy.
I currently live in New York City and am starting my career after school. A year ago I was living in Dubai for an internship and new life experience, and met the love of my life (so far). I'm 25 and she is 26. Forget the fact that we come from completely different backgrounds, different religions, and different customs. Our energy together is completely magnetic. We spent three months together in complete bliss. I didn't love Dubai, but with her I have never been happier.
Since I left, she visited me once here in NYC and I visited once in Dubai. A year has passed, and we're still dating long distance with only one hiccup throughout the year.
I believe we will both be best suited living in New York. Our industry is much better established here and the jobs are more challenging. Most of the people in our industry in Dubai seem extremely unhappy with their work. She wants me to move to Dubai because she is comfortable there and New York would mark the farthest she's ever lived away from home. I'm much more used to living away from home.
Basically, we've gotten ourselves into a game of chicken and I'm not sure it ends well. I love this girl and I want to be with her, but I also want to give us the best shot at being happy in the long term with our lives. Neither of us is finished growing yet, and I think NYC is the best place to to it.
However unique this feels, I'm sure there are lots of couples that have gone through figuring out how to end the long distance part of a long distance relationship when the two people want different things. What works? Are there effective methods for talking about this without it becoming a fight? | I'm in a long distance relationship, either I have to move or she does, and we each want the other to come to us. How do we have this discussion successfully without breaking up. |
t3_29h7q5 | relationships | Me [Early 30's M] with my GF[Mid 20's/F] of two years. Have concerns about long term viability. | Dating a girl from another culture. Lots good about the relationship. Common professional interests, identical sex drives, and we respect each other, which is a new thing for me in relationships (always been with girls who kinda have a bad attitude about males). She totally loves me.
But I have some serious concerns about long term viability. One concerns parents. My parents, upon learning that we were a thing, said, "remember, you are her ticket to stay in America." Her parents, upon learning that we were a real thing, wanted to know how much money I make (I'm a grad student), and wanted to make sure I was OK with their tradition of supporting parents in their retirement as a sign of respect (despite that they are well off enough to not need such help). GF is in agreement with her folks about this and says if I am not OK with it she will just have to make more money and do it herself. Also, GF says her parents could 'never know' that I was previously married and am now divorced.
There are some other issues as well that I've been able to overcome/overlook (one example, she's not social, I am), but their combination makes me feel that a future with her is risky with lots of prior indications of trouble ahead. In my previous marriage I ignored those kinds of signs and paid a price for it, and I'm not wanting to repeat that history. At the same time, it is really nice to have a partner who is on board with me sexually whom I also get along with pretty well.
Curious to know what others' experiences have been with a cross-cultural situation like this, especially if you have long-term experiences. | Cultural differences really putting a crimp on my desire to take a relationship into marriage; my parents think she just wants a green card, her parents will expect me to support them. WTF. |
t3_2lp9py | relationships | I [27F] recently hung out with my coworker [33M] outside of work and had an awesome time, but am not sure if there is mutual interest or not | I was recently chatting with my coworker and invited him to come to a meetup I was headed to. We ended up having a great time, going out to dinner afterwards (total of about 4 hours, where we exchanged cell phone numbers), and he left at the end of the night saying "We definitely need to do this again soon!" The next day, we ran into each other a couple of times and had chatted a bit, although for most of the day he would walk by my desk without stopping by. He didn't text me or anything, but I had the thought to text him saying thanks for coming and for dinner (which he paid for). To which he said he'd be up for doing it again. Although I'm feeling like I'd rather wait for him to initiate once i'm back in town, I'm also feeling that it would be good to initiate this second time, and then leave the ball in his court for round 3.
So here's my concern. We're both have very good jobs in our workplace, and don't want to jeopardize that for either of us. While there is no policy about dating coworkers, people around here talk like crazy about anyone and anything (which sucks and I try to stay out of it as much as possible). I'm wondering if he's being shy up front because he doesn't want to start rumors (but does have interest), or if he's just being nice because he's a nice guy (but with no interest). How far can I expect this to go if we continue to meet up outside of work? Should I be up front with him? What are good ways to gauge his interest since we are coworkers? | Just hung out with coworker outside of work for the first time recently. How do I gauge his interest moving forward, since it is a work situation? Will there be anything different to look out for? |
t3_1144k0 | AskReddit | Reddit, what can I do to transform myself? | I'm a 21F who has just moved back home for the next couple of months to sort my head/life out. I was in my third year of university, but lately everything's fallen to pieces and I've turned into a self-pitying, helpless person.
So, I decided to pull out of university, move out of boyfriend's place and live with my Mum for a bit.
What is there that I can do over the next month or so to regain my self-confidence, be better than the girlfriend I once was, and get out of my depression?
Better yet, what would *you* do if you had a month to yourself? | What would you do to transform yourself if you had a month to yourself away from boyfriend/friends/university? I'm struggling. Thank you in advance |
t3_31zgqb | relationships | My girlfriend [26 F] for seven years and I [26 M] need to decide to whether to have kids or break up. | I've always been undecided with regards to whether I want to be a parent or not. I always assumed that the urge to start a family would show as I grew older, but nothing is happening so far. I don't really see the benefits of having kids, while the tradeoffs and responsibility is more intimidating than ever.
My girlfriend has always been certain that she wanted to give birth at some point. We had a serious talk during the easter about the issue, as we realized that the clock is ticking. We've had the talks previously, but it has always ended with me "hoping that I will be ready" at some later point in time.
Well, out of fairness to her, the time is up. Basically, I need to either promise her that I will be the father of her children within the next couple of years, or we need to break up to give her a fair chance of finding the right guy who will.
I am not sure I am ready to become a father. I am not sure that I ever will be, nor that I actually want to have children. I love my girlfriend, and want to keep our great relationship. Basically, I am about to potentially make the biggest mistake of my life, but I don't know whether breaking up or staying is the mistake.
Have anyone been in a similar situation who can offer advice? What hard questions do I need to ask myself? | I need to either break up with my girlfriend, or start a family with her. I am not comfortable with either option. |
t3_1qc35o | dating_advice | Talking to girl on and off for a while now, not sure how to take the next step... | A bit of context: I'm 18 male and I've been talking to this girl, on and off for a while, just casually. It's an odd situation, neither of us really care to text, so when we do, it's usually to hang out, which we've done most weekends for the past month or so. We always are 1 on 1 when we hang out, never in a group situation, and we've escalated things before, sexually speaking.
Recently, I've decided I actually like this girl, and would like to take the next step, which I'd assume would be actual dates instead of just "hanging out."
My question is, how do I go about this? I've never been a fan of dating/having a girlfriend, so this is a first. I have experience with girls, that's not the issue, I'm just not sure how to take the step from casual to serious. | Seeing girl casually, 1-on-1 setting, never in groups, want to know how to take the next steps to maybe make the relationship more serious. |
t3_1kfc6t | tifu | TIFU by calling a French pen-pal "Bitchyrestingface" | I was recently introduced to a pen pal, as part of my French studies. Things were going pretty well. We sent a couple introductions, normal stuff like what is your name, what city are you from, etc. The conversation is pretty formal and unenthusiastic because I'm just doing it as part of my school curriculum.
So, to get to the point. Today I was writing an email to this pen pal. Unfortunately, I forgot her name (very horrible with names). I had recently watched this video:
So being the genius that I am, I used "Bitchyrestingface" as a placeholder for her name. The beginning of the email started something like this: "Salut Bitchyrestingface. Comment ca va? etc etc etc."
Well after fighting with internet difficulties for a while and not being able to send, I was relieved to be able to send the email. Just before I realized that I forgot to edit the name. Shit. I'm too embarrassed to apologize right now, but I probably will later. I wonder if she will even understand the name. | Used "bitchyrestingface" as a palceholder because I forgot pen pal's name, forgot to change it and sent the email as is |
t3_2q256e | relationships | My GF [26F] of 8 months got some underwear as a bday gift from another guy. Am I [26M] right to find this extremely unattractive? | My GF got some sexy underwear from a guy who I don't know. She said that she also thinks that receiving underwear from a male friend feels a bit awkward, but she likes the underwear. I didn't say anything further to her except that I also think it is very unusual.
Now I'm confronted with the scenario of her running around in that underwear and every time I see it, it reminds me of that guy, which is a total turn off for me.
Is my behaviour understandable and should I express my concern or should I just keep playing it cool? | My GF got some sexy underwear from a guy who I don't know and it reminds me of that guy every time I see them. |
t3_2voq6y | relationships | I (23/M) have been talking to this girl (20/F) for a few months and I wanted some input as to where I should go with it | Been talking to her for a few months. We were just friendly and not really interested in any sort of relationship. For the first few months we hung out maybe once. We texted constantly but schedules always prevented us from hanging. But the last few weeks we've hung out a few times. After the last time we hung out, I started to catch feelings.
I wrestled with it for a week and was thinking of telling her. Then she was a little tipsy and texts me in the morning one day that she might be in a relationship. We've been talking to other people and apparently another guy had asked her out and she decided to accept. I was in a "nothing to lose" position and just told her how I felt.
She couldn't really believe it for the simple fact that no one ever showed that sort of affection for her and she had 2 guys in a matter of hours. She said that she wasn't even official or even really dating the guy so she really wasn't taken. She said that it was still open for me to try.
I kind of accepted that but I wanted to know how she felt. She didn't respond for awhile and then told me how she was really conflicted. She doesn't do great with trust and emotions which is why she was very hesitant but after I told her how I felt she immediately reconsidered everything with the other guy and started opening the door for me. I kept on her about it and it got to a point where she said maybe we take it slow and see where things go. I'm willing to wait for her but I'm not gonna wait that long.
I haven't seen this girl and I'm not sure how I'm gonna be when I see her again. It's obviously gonna come up and I really like this girl. I want some input as to how I should go about handling this. | known girl for a few months, started to catch feelings, told her how I felt, I'm ready to take it further but she wants to take her time, I'm willing to wait but not that long |
t3_3at0xt | personalfinance | Being charged fee by manager for unknown reason,unsure on what I should do next. | Hi everyone, about 2 months ago I called my manager to clear up an issue I had with my rent increase notice,as the dates didn't seem correct. After we resolved the issue, she told me that I had a balance on my account of $40,which is weird because I've never been late on my rent before,so I asked if she can send me more information on why I was being charged that. She agreed and said she would contact the management company and have them send me something explaining it further.
So just last Monday I received a notice from the management group of a fee of $50 dated for June 2015, but no additional information was on the paper, just the date,a $50 charge and it stating to send payment asap. I contacted my manager again and left a voice mail asking why I was being charged that and still haven't heard back (exactly one week had passed). I have all my statements that show that I have always had a check processed on the 3rd every month for 3 years.
So my question is should I pay it now to avoid the fee increasing in price any further and after I talk to my manager (or someone higher in the chain of command) ask to get the charge credited to my account, or should I wait until I get a hold of her and figure out what exactly this charge is for?
Thanks everyone! | manager charging me $50 for unknown reason,should I pay first then fight charge or hold off on payment until I get more explanation on charge? |
t3_53e915 | relationships | My [20M] gf [19F] kissed a guy at a party a long time ago and I still feel bad | We are right now having a great relationship.
We are 8 months together, but sometimes I still feel bad when I think about it and I want to ask you for advice.
We were 3 months at the moment, she came over to sleep in my place at the late night.. we had sex and then she told me that "someone kissed her"
at the moment I told her that I dont want to see her anymore and took her back home.
By the way to her home I felt that I might have over reacted because thats just a kiss and tried to make everything ok..
I stayed with her for another 4 months and this whole time she told me that he pretty much forced her to kiss him and that she moved him right after it.
I always felt bad about it but had alot of fun with her and we are truly in love..
Last month I talked with her about how I feel and asked her for details.. she explained to me how they hugged for few minutes and then she smiled at him and he kissed her..
She said it was one kiss but I honestly still dont believe her..
Anyway, I felt like something is weird so I asked her about it..
She told me that when we started dating (around 3 weeks) she also kissed some guy at a party
We were not friends atm or anything but it feels horrible to think about it.. I asked her more than 10 times if she dated only me since we started dating and she told me the truth after 7 months of relationship.
RN everything seems to be good and I love her.. I still feel terrible everytime that I think about it..
What should I do? Do you think I can trust her? | GF kisses a guy at party and she kissed someone when we started dating as well ( told me about it a month ago ) and I love her but feel bad |
t3_s1gkr | AskReddit | My wife's stalker for the past decade just sent her another letter. This has gone on too long. Help? | My wife went on one date with a guy from college over a decade ago. It was weird, and she didn't choose to see him a second time. He began stalking her, and she got a restraining order in her state. That order expired, but she moved to another state for graduate school, which is the state where I met her and we got married after dating for several years. We were under the impression that the stalker didn't know what state we lived in, although we did know that he was continuing to stalk other women (my wife was contacted by the lawyer of another girl he was stalking a couple years ago to make a statement; we don't know what came of that) and he occasionally sent a rambling, bizarre letter disconnected from reality to my wife's parents who still live in the same state as the stalker. This was annoying, but it was occasional, and we've pretty much ignored it.
The problem now is that wife received a letter in the mail recently from the stalker that had our home address on it. It did include a return address for the stalker.
The question is, what legal options, if any, do we have? We live in a different state than the stalker - hundreds of miles away - but I'm not looking forward to telling my wife that this psychopath knows where we live when she gets home from work today, as you can imagine.
I don't really want to include the specific states we live in, or much more detail than I've already included, because of the risk of the stalker reading this and using it against us somehow. | Wife has been stalked by a psycho she went on ONE date with over a decade ago. What can we do about it? |
t3_185yfg | relationships | 26/m and 29/f at what point am I just giving too much of myself? | Edit: I'm half tempted to rent a hotel room by my job and turn my phone off because it's so ba and hope he worries... Evil or lesson?
I'm 29/f and been dating my bf who's 26 for a little over a year and a half. We live together and I feel like every little improper thing I do sets him off. Things have been fine lately because I feel like I am more reserved.
Today there is a terrible winter storm and I'm stuck at work till 10pm. I saw 2 accidents on my way and it's not getting better. He has a truck with 4wd and use off work today. I called him crying asking him to pick me up and he plain refused. He told me drive slow I'll be fine and hung up on me. I told him I'm terrified and we only live 15 min away an ill put a full tank of gas in his car.
Why did this warrant such rude behavior from him? I have been taking care of him and buying him food and drinks as he has been sick. Am I under appreciated, is he looking for a reason to be mad at me or what?
Guys what would you do if I was your gf? | 26/m and 29/f I feel like when I need something I'm sol, but when the tables are reversed I'm there at every want and need. |
t3_1jetcb | relationship_advice | [19/f] my mate (20/m) is struggling to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship with another man | My mate, previously polyamorous, has come to the conclusion that he wants to be exclusively involved with me but is having trouble cutting ties with another partner, a man much older than both of us. What my mate describes to me seems to be a very unequal relationship where his partner has always been very controlling of his actions. I do my best to put my feelings of resentment towards this person aside and encourage my mate to stand up for himself. If he doesn't call this person every night, they supposedly freak out. My mate visits him weekly; he has to hide in the bathroom if he wants to call me and he's afraid to text me whatsoever during the day to let me know if he's okay because he's afraid of the repercussions. I've been told by my mate himself that this person has an explosive personality, which worries me quite a lot. Every time he leaves to go there, he gets himself sick from being so anxious, and he comes back completely miserable.
What goes on between them really isn't my business, but I've been feeling very strung along. My mate promises to me (by his own free will, I wouldn't ask him to promise anything in a situation like this where I could end up pressuring him even more than he already is by his previous partner) that he is doing his best to stand his ground and be completely honest about what he wants from their friendship, but things have only seemed to worsen. I struggle with not being discouraged by the situation and remaining hopeful. This is a very unhealthy situation for everyone. | My mate is caught in an abusive relationship with someone else. How do I remain sane, patient, and supportive of my mate through all of this? |
t3_3q5oc3 | relationships | I don't want this to ruin our relationship.. | So a little back story, I (f24) live with my fiance (m40) and his mom lives in our home with us. In January she had a stroke which made her very limited in what she could do, but she could get to the bathroom herself and function without much help from us even though she is wheelchair bound. We had people that would come in and bathe her, do her laundry etc. OK fast forward to a few weeks ago, she fell and broke her arm, it's now casted but she also has lost use of her legs, Dr's are saying it's her arthritis, but she could use them before the fall, the xrays of her legs showed nothing wrong with them. Anyways she is 100% dependent on us for everything now, and we both work full time, we have people that are in and out but no one that is actually with her constantly. It wouldn't be so bad but it's like she doesn't want to get better and all she does is cry and get defensive about everything. All of it is wearing me down mentally and idk how much more of it I can take before I start resenting my fiance for putting me through this. I honestly think it would be better for all involved and way safer for her if she was in a nursing home but he doesn't want the guilt that would come along with putting her in one. I love him so much but I don't want to marry him next month and then regret it bc I'll spend years taking care of his mother and being stuck at home constrained bc of her. I don't know what to do, just looking for someone who may have had similar experience or may have some advice. | fiance's mother lives with us and requires constant care, it's wearing on me and I've considered calling off the wedding, looking for answers on what I should do. |
t3_1xg3j9 | relationships | Me [18 M] with my girlfriend(?) [18 F] 1 year 5 months, taking a break due to stress. | Some background information, the first year of our relationship was amazing. We spent lots of time together, went on a few short breaks and we very quickly fell in love. We have loads of great memories together.
The problems started last October / November time, she had just started university but still living at home - so no difference to distance. However, she also now has a job so she can pay for the car she needs to get there. That with the university workload means she has zero free time. To add to that, she has also been ill recently so has to catch up.
She wants us to be okay, but she doesn't know what she wants anymore, she feels trapped in her current circumstances. She doesn't even know if she still loves me. She can't cope with the stress. She isn't enjoying university and her unhappiness there has apparently caused her to be unhappy with the relationship.
She suggested we take a no contact break from our relationship, whilst still remaining exclusive to each other so no seeing anyone else, until things start to get better and she can make up her mind about what she wants.
She did mention she may have feelings for someone else, but nothing would ever happen there, especially as they were already in a relationship. She told me she still had feeling for me, bu it kills me to think she'd ever be with another guy.
I believe she still cares about me a lot, she was in tears and kept apologising over and over. I just want some advice, I can't imagine life without her and just want her back. I feel I have let her down by not being able to help. I feel awful. | GF and I have taken a break after ridiculous stress at university and no free time. Could really do with some advice. |
t3_1e6voy | relationships | I (22m) Fell in love with a study abroad Portuguese boy (22m). He is leaving to go home. What should I do? | As a preface, I'm from the east cost in the United States.
I went to a local gay bar and ended up dancing with said boy. We danced all night and ended up exchanging numbers. After texting him later, I learned that he was a study abroad student from Brazil and he was only staying in the United States until mid-May. We talked for 2 months and finally decided that we should meet up before he leaves to go back home.
All the feelings I thought I had about him while talking to him were confirmed when I finally met him again. I spent this past weekend (Friday-Sunday) with him and I fell in love with him. I know this sounds like it could be an infatuation, but I never felt something like this with another person before, and it's so strong it hurts to think that he's leaving.
We finally said our goodbyes this morning and I dropped him back off at his university in the US. It was so hard to say goodbye, and we both got really choked up. He started crying and walked away. It's all still so fresh and I'm still so confused, excited, and hurt. Just really torn about the whole situation.
We talked about him attempting to come back to the US on his school breaks, but it would be very complicated with getting a VISA and such. We also talked about me traveling to Brazil to visit him. He said he would love to come back to the US after he finishes school (another 2 years) and make a life here with me. But obviously this is all very optimistic and far in the future.
I'm just really confused as to what I should do here. I really feel like I love this boy, but the situation is so complicated. Should I try and make something of this, or would I be wasting my time? I'm so scared, because it already hurts so much. Should I stay optimistic and hope for the best? | Met a study abroad boy at a local club. Fell in love. He is returning home with the hopes they we will travel to each other's countries in the future with eventually settling in the US. Is this worth the ride? |
t3_2zy4vq | relationships | Me [19 F] with my ex [19 M] 2 years, he wants me back | Me and my ex broke up 2 months ago. He got very stressed and he thought breaking up with me would give him space to breathe and figure out where his life was heading. He was failing classes and he wasn't happy with his work. He realized he made a mistake as soon as it happened but I was very hurt and declined getting back together. He kept coming back every few weeks. We go to the same school and have most of the same classes and he would either get mad and ignore me because I rejected him or very friendly when he was trying to get me back. I was no contact during this time but he wasn't.
Yesterday, we had our first real talk about what we should do and he said he regrets what he did and he really wants to get back together. He says we could take things slow by casually dating and being exclusive. I asked him if he thought his feelings would change once we both graduated and he says he doesn't expect them to but he doesn't know. He doesn't want to hurt me again and I don't want to hurt him either (he got hurt once he found out I moved on to other things and it looked easy for me to do so).
I'm a bit afraid he's saying all these things because he's lonely or missing me but he has shown signs of truly regretting what he did and realizing he loved me. He tried meeting new people and he told me he just wanted me and that he can't move on because he wants to be with me.
Should I get back together with him even though I don't think I'll marry him? Because I'm too young to be thinking about that but I do still have feelings for him. | Should I get back together with my ex? We both still have feelings for each other but we are still a bit hesitant because it's a risk to get back together if it ends in more heartbreak. |
t3_1aa5lu | dating_advice | [M 22] Did I blow it with this girl? | I'll try and keep this as brief as possible.
Around six months ago I **[M 22]** ended a four year relationship, with whom was my first ever girlfriend **[F 20]**. By nature I'm very slow moving with regards to intimacy towards strangers, and still feel incredibly novice in this field.
I recently met a a girl **[F 18]** over Facebook who I chatted with for several weeks. There was an obvious connection between the two of us here, if nothing more than intense flirting.
She invited me over for drinks just the other night, it was blatantly obvious it was leading towards sex. We had a few good conversations, along with a couple of drinks, followed by a little intimacy. I could tell the girl was definitely in the mood.
I made the mistake of mixing some prescription pain killers with my drinks, and was some what faded through out the later end of the night. This didn't aid me what so ever.
After seeing hundreds of green lights, I decided to go for sex, but did a very poor job. From everything to initiation, to foreplay. It was almost as if I had forgotten how after being in a loveless relationship for so long. It ended up going no further than some touching and a little kissing.
Eventually we became tired so I decided just to call it a night and left. It was definitely one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life.
I have only heard from the girl briefly since, and while I've recognized where I went wrong, I want your opinions on whether or not I should brush it off and try for a second date with this girl and take things slower, or if I should just cut my losses, learn from it and move on.
Also note, I'm not just out to get laid here, I'm genuinely torn over how to approach these kinds of situations as I feel like a complete newbie again. | Met girl. Girl was keen for sex. Didn't initiate sex properly. Awkwardness ensues and I'm not sure how to approach it or if I should move on. |
t3_1ck4dn | relationship_advice | me-[17/m] girl-[18/f] | So i recently got out of a pretty god awful relationship where this girl cheated on me and it was just a mess. Anyway, there is this girl and we have been friends for a while, i know for a fact she is interested in me. And, personality wise, i like her, we have similar interests and all of that good stuff. However, i'm not attracted to black girls, i know it sounds racist, but i'm just not physically attracted to them, nothing i can do about it. I have absolutely no clue what to do about this situation because her personality is great, i can 100% be myself around her. | Me and a girl's personalities match amazingly, but not physically attracted to her due to skin color (i know that sounds racist but its the truth) |
t3_2zu4hp | relationships | I[M20s] don't even know how to describe this situation[F20s] [F20s] | I have 2 FWBs going on. Let's call them Zelda and Peach. Everything is on the up and up, they both know about eachother but don't know eachother. All mid 20s.
Peach caught feelings but I've been pretty clear it's not going to happen. I know, I know I should probably be the bigger man and end it but she says she's ok with it and insists continuing. She's also quite a bit resentful of Zelda because of it.
Zelda is perfectly happy with the situation and has another guy she's seeing. In fact I'm pretty sure she's more in to him than me anyway.
None of us run in the same circles at all, so this was completely random, but Peach ran into Zelda's other guy, flirted a bit, got a number, and they've been texting. She has no idea, she's telling me what's going on and all but asking if I'm ok with it, so I'm not sure how to respond.
I feel like I should be encouraging her to move on, but I have no idea if I should tell her. I have no idea if I should tell either one of them. I think Peach's resentment toward Zelda might spoil it for her and I don't want anyone to think I have ulterior motives. I feel like this could blow up in my face if I do and blow up in my face if I don't and it all comes out down the line.
I also don't know if I should tell Zelda. I don't what she and the other guy have told each other and I have no idea how she would feel about the information. I assume she assumes he's seeing other people and I know he knows she's seeing other people but there's really no way I think they would know the connection.
Even though nothing has happened yet I feel like I'm sitting on information I should be telling both of them. This whole thing is bizarre. | Do I have an obligation to tell either of my FWB that one FWB met my other FWB's other FWB or is it technically none of my business? |
t3_1tkfkm | relationships | My mom [60, F] is upset that I [23, M] considered not attending Christmas dinner this year. | I am currently living at home while I finish college. I live with my mom and little brother. The rest of our family lives across the country.
Every year, my mom's friend invites us for Christmas dinner with her family. I am pretty introverted and I find dinner a little uncomfortable. The people there are very nice, but I only see them once a year. Otherwise, I have no relationship with them.
Also, they always play games after dinner that require acting - I'm not super comfortable doing this around people I don't really know, but refusing to play would be rude. They can tell I'm uncomfortable though and they always tease me about it. Right now I don't have a car, so I can't leave dinner until my mom decides it's time to leave (usually 11 pm or so).
Anyway, this year, I thought I might go to my girlfriend's [23, F] house for Christmas dinner instead. We've been together for 3.5 years. I would still spend Christmas morning with my family at home. My mom also always cooks a second Christmas dinner on December 26th for my immediate family. I would attend that. When I suggested this idea to my mom, she was not happy at all, and told me she already told her friend we'd be coming.
I'm torn between doing exactly what my mom wants because I still live at home, and doing what I want because I'm no longer a little kid. Advice? | My mom is upset that I didn't want to have Christmas dinner with her friends this year. Not sure what to do. |
t3_1i81ur | relationships | (22F) My SO (26M) got a job in the next state, how do I deal with a sudden LDR? | He and I have been together for over a year, have lived together for a year, and have a 5 month old son. I love him so much, and have spent every night for the past 1.5 years sleeping next to him.
But he just started a job two days ago for a very nice job, about 10 hours away. While he'll be able to come back home for a week every now and then, he'll still be gone for at least a month at a time.
I've only been alone for two days, yet I already feel depressed without him. I'm already on antidepressants for post-partum depression, but it feels worse already. I now have to learn how to essentially be a single mom...
I already miss him so much. I can't imagine being away from him for this long! I'm stuck here because I'm in school, plus the prices of everything where he is is outrageous, so it would be smarter for me to stay so we can actually *save* money.
I just feel at a loss. I don't know how to deal with this, I can't let myself get any more depressed--I have our baby to take care of! He calls every day, and when we can afford it, we'll get him a laptop so we can Skype, too.
But yeah...any advice, please? | My SO/father of my baby got a job 10 hours away, I'm already depressed without him. How do I deal with this? |
t3_26llit | relationships | Me [36 M] with my wife [34 F] make my wife feel hot again | I have been married to my wife for 10 years and we have been together for 15. We have two kids and I feel my wife is very hot. She on the other hand has had body issues since she was a teenager. After our second child (6 years ago) her body has changed a lot. Her boobs are not the same and she some changes to physical aspects of her body that go along with child birth. She works out everyday and teaches fitness classes. She is smoking hot but she doesn't feel that way. She is not happy withe way she looks. I tell her everyday at various times that she is beautiful and I think that she looks just as good as she did when we started dating. Our sex life has slowed down because of this. We still have sex but not as often as before and she doesn't like me to see her body at all. I just wanted to know if there was any other suggestions on how to let my wife know she is still looks amazing. | My wife doesn't like her body; She looks amazing how can I tell her that and make her believe me? |
t3_38r5ai | relationship_advice | (18/f) I'm feeling insecure about myself when I'm around my boyfriend's (18/m) family. How do I adjust to them? | I'm generally a very reserved person. I only loosen up when I'm around really close friends and family, but still then I tend to be quiet. Most of the time I only talk when I'm asked a question, or when the conversation's good. I like having time to think about what I'm going to say, making me a good conversationalist online but a terrible one in real life. My boyfriend's my exact opposite when it comes to social matters. He's a joy to talk to in person and speaks his mind very well.
We've been together for a year now and have met each other's family a couple of times already. He told me that they liked me, but somehow I can't believe that yet. His family is 100% like him. I don't have a problem being around very outgoing people, but I do fade into the background in those situations. I just listen and laugh along until I'm directly talked to. I feel insecure about this because I think, at some extend, his family doesn't like how reserved I am. I can say that it's rare for them to hear my voice if I'm not talking to my boyfriend.
I have brought this up once or twice. I just need time to get comfortable, he told me. Though true, I still feel like I need to do something about it other than just wait. He's been helping me improve my social skills and has been the best person ever since we started dating. So I feel like something has to come from me more. Considering that I simply grew up like this, what should I do? | Boyfriend's family is very outgoing. I'm naturally reserved. I feel like they don't like me because of it. What should I do? |
t3_g8mxv | AskReddit | US Redditors, how do I obtain health insurance? | I am a video game concept art freelancer and I am doing well, contract wise.
I work from home.
I attempted to get insurance from a major provider. The entire experience was very rude. They gave me times to call them and did not offer to work with my schedule. They called me randomly, without scheduling the calls. During the main interview they recorded me for "possible use in court", okay I'll understand this one.
They were very rude during the interview call. They tried to trip me up as if I was lying to them. There is more, but there is no point listing it all.
I have Asthma and a bit of a skin problem.
After a day of going over my interview phone call they offered me no RX (prescription drug) coverage and the package was just crappy.
I went to my doctor a few days later for a weird feeling in my leg. It seems I somehow damaged a nerve in my leg, probably by bonking it. If I don't get it fixed my leg will be numb/tingly for the rest of my life. The operation moves the nerve a bit and all-in-all would probably cost $5,000.00 or more in total.
The doctor hinted that he would not put it in my records as it would be best if I were insured before continuing.
What do I do Reddit? These Asthma RX bills are hell. This numb leg is mega annoying. Will other insurance companies read the logs/interview/records of the 1st insurance company who basically denied me? | Are there websites which teach you how to get cheap health insurance and/or state how to trick the health insurance companies? I searched around and only found spam sites. |
t3_1vy98k | relationship_advice | Me [24 m] with the girl I'm dating [24F] for about a month, wants to remain monogamous sexually but still date other guys | So I started dating this girl (we are both 24) I've known for 3 months about a month ago and we started having sex pretty quickly and things escalated fast. she just got out of a 3+ year relationship and her ex only moved out 9 weeks ago.
Everything was going nicely I suppose until the inevitable happened. now we never stated exclusively and she said she's happy to be single and focus on her self. a week or two ago she asked me to tell her if I start having sex w other girls and she will do the same.
Last night she was showing me something on her phone and some dudes call comes in and I pass the phone back to her. This guy she literally told me about the night before, said she went on a couple dates with him around the time we started dating. Now I know I shouldn't be bothered by this as I knew from the get-go that she should probably be dating loosely instead of getting into another relationship(with me). it still hurts.
I brought it up to her last night on the drive home and told her that where we are right now, I Don't want her talking to other guys and if that's what, she needs maybe her and I should stop seeing each other(ULTIMATUM!) before more feelings get involved. Later, I called her and told her that I was out of place to say that, as it is wrong for me to pin her down so early out of a serious relationship and it won't do anybody any good in the long run. she thanked me for being so open and honest w her and we got off the phone.
Has anyone been in this type of situation? I'm not looking to date a bunch of girls right now. I am focused on my career. how do I deal? | in rebound, dating girl out of serious relationship - she wants to continue dating, i want to be okay with that, i also want her to myself(eventually). |
t3_4bsp48 | tifu | TIFU by using gasoline to start charcoal | The obligatory it didn't happen recently but a long time ago in high school.
So it was a nice summer day, me and several of my friends wanted to barbecue. We decided why not, it's a nice day we have nothing better to do so we did. We went and bought all the typical things for a sweet day of barbecuing(charcoal, hot dogs, hamburgers, and other things). We get back to my friends house and went outside to get the charcoal started. This is where I fucked up. We forgot lighter fluid. So we looked around the house to see if there was any around. We didn't find any but we did find the red tank of gasoline that was used for lawn mower and decided gasoline is flammable we can use that to start the charcoal. So we pour a little bit on the unlit charcoal and lit the charcoal. It caught on fire but the fire was dying quickly so I grab the red tank and started to squirt some more gasoline on the charcoal. IMMEDIATELY the fire caught on to the stream of gasoline and caught the tank on fire. I drop the tank and everyone around me freaks out and starts running away thinking it was going to blow up do did I, but luckily at least one of my friends was smart enough to turn the hose on and put out the fire. Coming out of hiding we were all relieved the tank didn't blow up. We did eventually get the fire going and barbecued but did we learn a lesson. NEVER USE GASOLINE TO START CHARCOAL, Cause the food will taste like crap. | Wanted to barbecue with friends. Didn't have lighter fluid to start the charcoal, used gasoline instead. Gasoline tank caught on fire. We run away scared but one friend was smart enough to put it out. |
t3_3dva8n | relationships | GF[23F] to me[23M] "If you fall asleep, I won't have sex with you for a week" | My long distance girlfriend and I are on different time zones, and often it is difficult to talk as we both work full-time.
We've been having a couple of rough weeks, and hadn't had Skype/phone sex at all. I brought it up to her that its a problem on my end, and that I don't appreciate that she never initiates it. It was a difficult discussion, but we got through it, and a few days later we were back at it.
Last night, she called me up as I was about to go to sleep, and I mentioned I was really sleepy. Trying to keep me awake, she playfully goes "If you go to sleep, I won't have sex with you for a week".
It made me furious. A. I had just had a really serious discussion with her about how the lack of sex was a problem. B. She talks about it like she doesn't enjoy it at all, and she is just doing me a favor by having sex. I hung up on her. She called me back, didn't apologize or say anything but kept egging me on. Didn't say a word. Hung up again.
I feel very disrespected. And I am very angry at her. Being in a LDR sucks enough, without her treating this part of the relationship like this. I just had a serious discussion with her about this…not sure how to bring this up again. | Long distance GF. Just had a serious discussion about lack of sex. Few days later, she drops "If you don't x, I won't have sex with you for a week". |
t3_rwzz4 | relationship_advice | I feel like she is emotionally cheating on me. | M 30 and F 31, dating for 6 months (I'm the male).
Hello reddit. My girlfriend is undertaking a very stressful master's degree (I have already done the same degree, so I know how difficult it is... which is how we met). She has made a very good (single) male friend from her course, and he does seem like an okay guy. I am concerned, however, that their friendship has become something more and I feel emotionally cheated upon.
They study together all the time and they take the same classes (which is not a coincidence). She spends probably 50 hours a week with him. He has probably spent twice as much time with her as I have. This in itself does not bother me... but their relationship seems to go quite a bit beyond study partners. They go out to lunch with each other, she talks about him quite a bit when she is away from him, and she always seems to give their friendship a priority over our relationship. For example, we had a rare mutual day off and she ended up talking to him on the phone for quite a while and even tried to see if we could all see a movie together... in spite of the fact we had scheduled a rare date.
I am sure nothing is going on physically, but I feel like he is the third person in our relationship and I feel like she is emotionally closer to him than she is to me. This really upsets me. She is currently out at a movie with him and another couple from their course and my brain is going crazy. I have told her that it kind of upsets me, be she tells me how crazy I am being.
Please tell me I am nuts reddit, I feel very upset about this and I just want it to work out between us. | girlfriend has a male study partner who she spends all her time with and I feel like the third wheel in the relationship. |
t3_2bm483 | relationships | Me [20M] friends for 6 months with [20F] who hints at interest but continues to say "I need to focus on me" | As the title says our relationship has been friends. The friendship started off a drunken romantic encounter (no sex) but hasn't been intimate more than a hug since.
When we first hooked up she was quasi-dating (not official but interest on both sides) a guy long distance and chose to pursue that when the guy said he wanted to date. Fast forward a month she is done with him but in the process fell really hard for him.
We've been friends through it all and I have always made my interest known and since her breakup we have been doing everything you would expect out of a couple besides intimacy. I have tried to bring up moving the relationship forward but she continues to say she needs to focus on making herself a better person and that she doesn't want to process her feelings right now.
I've been fine with it all for so long because I genuinely enjoy spending time with her whether we will just be friends or date.
Last night we were talking over the phone and I brought up a drunk text she sent me saying I love you. She brushed it off as just her being drunk. I then told her that maybe we should spend less time together so that she has more space and less pressure to work through anything she needs to work through. There is a long pause and she says goodnight and hangs up.
**My question is where do I go from here? ** I've hooked up with other girls during our friendship but feel guilty about it because it all feels like a serious relationship. Do I just play solo for now? Should I go play the field? Did I massively fuck up everything by offering space? | Friendship has been on the brink of something more but is halted by her desire to not process her feelings. What do I do? |
t3_28exzc | relationships | I (30/F) need space from SO (30/M), but have nowhere to go | We moved in together a year and three months ago, after being together for about five years. The place we settled on is small, having only one bedroom, a living/dining space, kitchen, bath, and partially finished basement. I had some serious reservations about it, being a severe introvert who had lived alone previously, but he was in love with the place because it's a house, not an apartment, and it has a garage for all his bikes. I told him I wasn't too sure about it, but eventually agreed.
Now, the fact that I ignored my concern is seriously starting to bite me in the ass. He doesn't work currently because he's going back to school. This means that during the summer, he does nothing. He spends pretty much the entire day lying on the couch playing things on tv and playing on his phone. If I want to be by myself, my options are either the bedroom or the basement. The bedroom is small and cramped, with nowhere to sit and no air circulation (door stays closed to keep cats out). The basement is filled with spiders and their webs, and I am paralyzingly arachnophobic. I've tried to tit up and clean it with a vacuum, but it's a real struggle and they just keep coming back anyway. Basically, neither room is comfortable for me to spend time in.
None of this seems like a big deal to him. He gets plenty of time to himself in the house because I work 8 - 10 hour shifts five days a week. I get no time to myself in the house. On my days off, he's there. When I get home from work at night, he's there. I don't want to be an asshole and tell him to get out or go somewhere else, because it's his house too and that's not fair. I figure this is my issue, so I should be the one to get out or go elsewhere. But I have nowhere to go. Not to mention the fact that when I end up sitting in the living room with him, he takes up the whole couch because he wants to lie down instead of sit and I end up shoved all the way to the edge with his feet on me. It's just too much sometimes. | I'm an introvert with nowhere to get away from my BF in our tiny house when I need time/space to myself. How can I explain my discomfort to him without making it sound like I'm trying to kick him out? |
t3_17fzn2 | loseit | I don't know what I'm doing | Hey fellow redditors
While I've never been heavy overweight or anything alike, when I was at 83kg around 4 months ago I decided to change and to never hit 90kg. My main motivation was to - hopefully - get a nice body to go to the beach with for the upcoming summer. I hope it's not too late for that :)
Due to a knee injury I can't run long distances since around 6 months so I started off with simply eating less. Two months ago I decided to join the gym and I've been there regularly ever since (3 days a week). I also started the Insanity Workout and am on week 3 right now.
Since doing sports again I started caring about eating enough protein and ate around 1800kcal a day (I'm male, 18, 184cm). Since 10 days or so I eat around 2200 .. not sure if that's a good thing. Probably not. I usually get 100-200g protein per day.
My problem is, even with progress pics, nothing seems to change. The only difference I can see is to the one from 4 months ago. I still have the same belly fat that, while you don't really see it from a front view, looks horrible from the site. I had muscle ache everywhere after my first time at the gym but now don't feel a lot after working out. Same goes for Insanity. I just barely improved at the second fit test. Since doing Insanity, I even gained weight (from 74.4 to 76.2).
I'm slowly starting to lose my motivation, it just doesn't seem to work out, I expected much more from 4 months. Like this I'd probably need another two years or so until I reach my goal. Not half a year as was planned. My weight is absolutely okay in terms of BMI but somehow I have a lot a lot of fat and have to lose it.
[Before starting insanity](
[Right now](
[3 months | 2 months | 3 weeks ago |today]( | I don't know how to continue sport-wise and diet-wise. Should I just drastically cut the calories to something like 1500 and see what happens? |
t3_36ci27 | relationships | Are we (M21/F22) being too ambitious with the first date? | Okay, so I met this girl online and she seems great. We've been talking for a few days, and have made plans for later this week. I even confirmed she is who she says she is. So no catfish this time. That sounds great right? I think it is too, but I also feel like we might've gotten carried away with the plan.
It didn't start this way, but now the idea is that I'll pick her up, we'll grab some liquor, we'll buy some groceries, and then we'll head to her place. Once there I'll make some drinks, and we'll attempt to make dinner together. I can only blame myself for this, but it makes me feel better to place some blame on her for agreeing haha..... 😑
Doing everything isn't an issue. In fact I think it'll be awesome if everything goes well. I'm just afraid, on the off chance that the connection isn't there in person, I'm stuck for the long haul.
I've considered pushing the date back and seeing if we can get coffee first, but I feel changing plans on anybody looks bad. I guess I'm just looking for other people's opinions on what they would do. | Should I attempt to change plans for something more casual, or should I go for it and stick it out if it goes poorly? |
t3_g7d28 | AskReddit | What is the most interesting story behind one of your scars? | When I was 5, I was at Chuck-E-Cheese for a birthday party. I really wanted to win at skeeball, so I ran up the ramp and tried to toss my ball into the 100 pt hole (I think I missed anyway). In the process, I somehow slipped and hit my chin on the net that is installed to prevent such cheating. I didn't even notice it was bleeding until later when a friend started to scream and parents were beckoned.
Not wanting to get in trouble, I told the Chuck-E-Cheese staff and my parents that I somehow cut my chin on something sharp in the ball pit. They closed down the ball pit and spent a few hours combing through it, finding nothing but a few dirty diapers (ew).
Out of the whole ordeal, I got my pick of a free prize from the Chuck-E-Cheese prize wall (a plastic horse I named Buttercup), a VERY large needle in my face, a few stiches, and some Mr. Bubbles band-aids. | I got stitches from Chuck-E-Cheese, and I was apparently a very good liar when I was 5. |
t3_14unyv | relationship_advice | My friends crush is messing with his head & I dont know what to say to help him anymore (highschool) | He's a sophmore in band she's a freshman in guard & since They met at Band camp he's been attracted. I introduced them because I was rooming with her & she needed to make some friends. Over the course of the week she burned through liking 2 guys and was on to my friend. He got her # & for the rest of the summer they texted all day saying goodmorning & good night & how they wanted to start dating. She said they couldn't because her parents are strict & religious..which she mentioned while we were room mates.
Once school started & she started meeting tons of new people her strict parents ironicly found out she was talking to him, & they didn't like it so she was banned from him. Meanwhile I overheard her every guard practice talking about boys she liked & was lying to my friend. He found out & I told him how its a big change meeting so many new people & she has to adjust to them all.
Now shes started texting him nonstop & its been on & off like that since September. Its messing with his head & he wants to know what shes doing with all this & I dont even know anymore. & if he has to talk to her about it, how should he go about it & getting courage to eventually just ask her out? | freshman girl adjusting to highschool while messing with a hopeless romantic sophomore boy's head. Why & what should he do? |
t3_l4l39 | AskReddit | Dilemma: Perks or Promotion? | I've got a job where I perform well. Always exemplary performance reviews and praises from my supervisors (who are both offsite several hours away). The perks are that I can work from home whenever I want and when I do work I can come and leave whenever and use the gym during work hours. As long as the work gets done, no one really cares. I don't feel the work is all that difficult although it does take some time.
I've been offered a promotion (I've already turned one down before) with more responsibility, more room for growth, and more money. But the perks would definitely go away. I'd have to put in full days at the office and there would probably be days where I couldn't take off (unlike now where I can take off whenever I want).
I'm torn, I feel like I should take on more responsibility and that I'd be more fulfilled with my work but my current position allows me to do a lot of fun things with a lot of free time. I'm worried if I give up this position, I'll hate myself for being stupid and doing "the right thing". I'm curious to see what everyone else would choose and why? The money would be an increase from about $90K/year to $110K/year. | Currently have jobs with a lot of freedom perks, offered promotion for more money and better work but no freedom perks. What would you choose? |
t3_1qnoxv | relationships | I (20/f) think my girlfriend (23/f) is always hiding something or cheating on me. What do I do? (x-post from r/LongDistance) | I will try to make this a brief as possible. I've been with my girlfriend who lives in Canada for a year and a half now. We met in a chat room and have yet to meet (don't worry, I know she's real from cam, facebook, etc.). I love her.
She made me change how I used to be (not very faithful) because I knew from the start I didn't want to hurt her. When we first met, we clicked instantly. We got REALLY close really fast. Before we became "official", she would ask me to leave the MSN call on (when it still existed) whenever she'd sleep, because she didn't want to be alone.
I feel closer to her than I am with anyone else..
The problem is, I have trust issues. She has never done anything to break my trust, but because I've cheated while I was still with my exes, I look for things that she does that I would've done if I was cheating..does that make sense?
I over-analyze everything, I think of the worst possibilities when I'm not talking to her, I assume every friend she meets on Xbox (yes, we are gamers) that is nice to her is flirting with her, and it fucking sucks balls.
I don't want to think like this anymore. I don't want to be paranoid or worried for no reason. Before you ask, I have spoken to her about this before. She asked what she can do to help, and I've told her that it's something I need to work on my own, because it is.
I don't want to keep her from having friends and a life because of my own jealousy. I don't want this yucky feeling anymore. But because we're in a LDR, I only know what she tells me, and it's scary to trust someone only by their word..
I don't know what to do, or where to start. If someone could share their honest opinion, it'd be a big help. I WANT to make this work. | I'm paranoid and have trust issues with my long-distance girlfriend when she has never done anything to break my trust. |
t3_ne1sq | AskReddit | Is there/could there be a Subreddit for Christmas gift ideas? | Every time Christmas rolls around I have family ask me what I'd like for a gift. I'm in my 20's so action figures don't really cut it anymore and Netflix gets the job done on DVD's which I feel is a big chunk of potential gift ideas taken away. Other things that I want are either too expensive, or something that I can easily buy myself. When it comes to making a list I have no idea what to put on it and spend hours trying to come up with random cool shit.
I've looked through r/shutupandtakemymoney and while the stuff on there is sweet, it's very broad and usually too niche or too expensive. I've looked on websites like bestbuy and amazon to see their list suggestions but I always just feel like they're trying to get me to buy their shit rather than suggest good ideas (go figure).
What I'd like is a Reddit where people post something like their gender, age, and maybe a major hobby or two in the title, and then either a Christmas wishlist, or a list of things that have been given to them that they loved/appreciated. So an example would be:
Dude, 32, Videogames, Illustration
I got a Wacom pen in the shape of the master sword
That doesn't exist to my knowledge, and there should be more than one item, but I think a lot of people would really benefit. It also doesn't have to be specifically Christmas. It could be Birthdays/Festivus/Chanukah/etc.. Maybe call it r/wishlist - I dunno. So I guess the... | is - Is there a subreddit containing wish lists to get ideas for gifts for Christmas and/or other celebrations/holidays. If not, is there an interest in one? |
t3_fnjoo | AskReddit | Parents - Be honest, do you have a favorite child? | So the majority of parents claim to love their children equally, and some go as far as to say "I love you the same, but differently." or something along those lines. But how many of you actually have a favorite?
I know my mom loves me, but man, all my life she has shown *obvious* favoritism for my sister (she's the oldest, I'm the youngest; it's just us). Even while growing up, when my friends first met my mom, they could tell right away that my mom adored my sister; many of them hadn't even *met* my sister and my mom would talk their ear off about her. Of course, if I ever try to talk to my mom about it, she denies it.
I'm almost 27 now (my sister is 31) and I've gotten used to it for the most part, but man, some of the stuff she says/does that is obvious favoritism still irks me. One thing I remember outright was when she said "Since your sister was born with her artistic talent, I guess we expected you to be born with some sort of obvious talent too." ._. Gee, thanks, mom. I was in my early teens when she said that to me. After high school I pretty much "gave up" on trying to make her proud because I knew it was pointless anyway; no matter what I did, it was nothing compared to my sister. | How many parents on Reddit have a favorite child? Do you make it obvious? Do you deny it if it's obvious to one or more of your children? |
t3_1fsvvk | AskReddit | Which things do you think cost more than you think they should, but don't know why? | There's been discussions before on things that are obviously overpriced, like HDMI cables and printer ink.
*However* there are some things that are universally expensive (at least in the US) that we don't think should be, but don't know why (or are way cheaper in other countries).
Some items that come to mind
* avocados .. really? $1 to $2 each??
* kids shoes .. costs as much as adult shoes
* house paint
* dental work
* decent non-walmart bicycles
* car insurance - probably paid over $20k worth in my lifetime, never claimed 10% of that
* health insurance .. where I live it's $1200 per month per family. I don't know how people on minimum wage can afford this.
* GPUs .. $300-$400 for a decent one when entire next generation consoles come out for roughly the same price. | I'm old an cheap and have crossed that point in my life where I don't know why stuff costs what it costs anymore. |
t3_1073ja | relationships | I (28/M) have been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend (22/f) for eight months. She has self-esteem issues that are damaging our relationship, how can I help her? | Essentially, I met my now girlfriend while she was studying over in my country and despite both our best efforts to keep things casual we just had such a great connection that eventually we decided to give it a go over the ocean. For the most part we have great relationship in spite of the distance and I think she is a fantastic girl. I am happy to fly out to see her every three months and we chat almost every day via Skype.
However, gradually we seem to be having increasing numbers of arguments. Nothing significant ever really occurs to cause them it is just something small and insignificant.
Eventually, with these things though it invariably comes down to her telling me things such as "I'm such bitch", "I'm a piece of shit", "why are you with me?" "I'm a failure" "I can't do anything" etc, etc... She certainly seems to place no value on herself. She believes the work she does is bad, is very socially insecure, in so much as she is generally worried people dislike her, and will be generally very submissive towards my desires or needs. The frustrating thing is that she is by far the best girlfriend I have had in terms of being understanding, thinking about my feelings and just being awesome!
I feel like if she is having a bad day it only takes one slip of the tongue from me and we end up in an argument. I try and be calm and objective but she perpetually blames herself, which in turn frustrates me. In the end I offer solutions which get ignored and the cycle repeats.
I have tried many different approaches to be supportive, as I realise it's quite normal to be a worrier and she has pressures in her life. It is just I feel exasperated by the frequency of the problems, but equally determined that the good far outweighs the bad, and I want to make it work.
I am completely in love with this girl, I want to be there for her. What can I do to help improve her sense of self-worth? It is just so frustrating to see someone who has so much to offer effectively holding her self back, it makes me sad. | My GF argues with me a lot. Caused by the fact IMO that she does not like herself and cannot takes steps to deal with it. How can I help her? |
t3_xp0gb | AskReddit | What innocent things that kids have said has your mind warped? | I work at a pool with a slide, a pretty sweet fuckin slide too, with water jets and turns and shit. Anyways these kids, who were brother and sister, are taking turns at the top of the slide shouting "Bang!" at the one sliding so they could pretend to die and do funny poses. It's cute and I did shit like that as a kid, whatever. So the brother forgets to "shoot" his sister and she comes to the top of the slide and says, "Why didn't you bang me?" He then proceeds to make some excuse, and they start telling each other to bang them at some point on the slide, like "Bang me at the top of the slide" or "Bang me at the bottom" a bunch of shit like that, all innocent...except to me. | Watched a 13 year old boy and his 11 year old sister innocently insist they bang each other on a slide. |
t3_26wzqv | tifu | TIFU: Not taking a a shit in a few days and eating one taco from Moe's Southwest Grill. | This happened last year 4th of July. There was a huge firework show in Sandhills which is a huge mall place in South Carolina. There were thousands of people there. I was hungry so I bought a simple taco and got some tortilla chips with it. A while after I ate this taco I felt a small stomach ache during the firework show but I ignored it. Later right before the firework show is over it hits me. It's around 9:30 and no places are open. I look at my mom with the most scared face in my life and said "Mom I need to go to the bathroom NOW" She said there is nothing open and I just said Great. This is like my biggest fear. Having to take a massive shit in a public restroom. Better yet to make this whole thing better we live 20 minutes away and there's thousands of cars here in traffic in a small area. We are sitting in traffic for a good 45 Minutes. During this 45 minutes I kept looking around it was pitch black out and I was debating weather or not to just go into the grass bedsides the road and let it rip but i had nothing to wipe with. At this time it feels like there is a sword inside my stomach spinning around. I can feel this juice just dripping out of my asshole. About one and a half hours after being in traffic we finally make a break for it and we get to a Mobile gas station with a burger king linked with it. Mobil was closed but burger king was open. I waddled into the bathroom hoping i did not shit my pants. right when i pull my pants down it all comes out. Like a speeding projectile. Felt like a good 300PSI pressure blast out the ass. i never even got to sit down. I shit all over the toilet. All over the wall and ground. After i opened my eyes i turned around and saw the disaster. I felt so bad i wiped my ass and left. I feel sorry for who had to clean it up. | ATE A TINY ASS TACO AND GAVE ME MASSIVE STOMACH ACHE AND SHIT ALL OVER THE TOILET AFTER WAITING AN HOUR AND A HALF TO SHIT. |
t3_eq0pu | AskReddit | Just cut off plans, possible contact with former fwb. I'm in a relationship, did I do the right thing? | I used to date someone who we'll call Courtney, though we were never official. We were more like friends with benefits. This ended about a year ago when I moved to another city.
I came back home for christmas break, and she wanted to hang out again. She said it was a friends-only thing, but sent me a text saying "I can't wait to see you, especially if you're half as cute as you were." The problem is that I'm in a relationship, and have no interest in throwing that away.
At first I agreed without thinking about it, but the morning of the day we were going to hang out, I cut off the plans. Now I think she's trying to guilt trip me with texts saying things like "way to be one more abandonment in my life..." to which I all I said was "I'm sorry."
I understand this is all over the place, but I'm really not sure what to do. I feel like Courtney and I could still be great friends, but I'm not comfortable seeing her until I know for sure that's what she wants. Should I just cut off contact? I know I was in the wrong for agreeing to see her in the first place, but was I in the right for cutting off plans? I feel like I just lost a good friend. | Former fwb wants to hang out with no intimacy involved, I agree then later cut off plans, now I feel like I lost what could have been a good friend. |
t3_1sejqv | relationships | Me [M20] with my GF [F18] in college having trust/jealousy issues. | So we've been together for over 2 years, she just went to college on the other side of the country and I'm a year older. Basically she told me she feels on a leash and held back in the going out to parties sense. I'm really OK with her going out and I've told her that and so we've been working on me not getting too jealous (I recognize that I have jealousy issues to get over) and allowing her to have her freedom. However, although I do this (rarely text her when she's out, maybe just a quick "hope you're having fun" or whatever) she seems to get mad at me out of nowhere.
For example, I asked her how her night was going and she responded with "it's fine, ok? Jeez." Then later out of nowhere she texted me saying "look I'll just talk to you tomorrow, don't wait up." And then she proceeds to stay out until 4 in the morning in most cases. I'll then try and talk to her about her night (I go to parties too but generally not until 4 or 4:30 in the morning) and she'll turn it on me as if I'm the bad for asking. Am I being too jealous? Or are these some legitimate red flags that I can be concerned about? | GF staying out late and seemingly getting angry at me out of nowhere. I try to talk to her but she makes it out to be me as the bad guy, am I? |
t3_1agziy | Advice | Can't Come Out of the Closet, What If I Die? | Because I live in a very conservative Catholic neighborhood, I cannot come out as either an atheist or as gay. I can't tell anybody I ever knew because of the hatred I would receive as an open individual in this area. Everyone I have ever known has made their hatred towards atheists and homosexuals very clear. This isn't a debate about how much better life will be if I come out: it won't.
I have come to terms with staying in the closet about myself for the next few years until I'm in college and on my own. However, I'm nervous about the fact that nobody actually knows two major things about me. It scares me that at my funeral, they will address me as a religious straight individual, even though I am neither.
==================================================== | How do I make sure people remember me correctly at my funeral and on if I die before I come out to anyone? |
t3_2w43w4 | relationships | Me: 19F, Him: 26M... Can you tell me if I'm controlling? How to avoid this silly argument. | Note: I know we are both immature
Basically sometimes when I ask my boyfriend to do something (can be really really mundane like throwing old food out), he refuses through means of sarcasm and excuses that aren't real (don't have time), and it ends up escalating because I want him to stop kidding around and he ends up getting super annoyed and refusing out of principle even though it really doesn't matter to him and he says I'm annoying and controlling but I just feel like he's being immature and not listening to me or engaging with me.
Like another mundane example is not trying foods. And literally, it drives me nuts. I like need to win the argument and it's horrible. J try to make threats "we won't do this if you don't __" and even that doesn't work. By the way he never says I'm controlling just ignores me and keeps refusing for stupid reasons then snaps and says let's drop this! It's so annoying. I'm really hurt that this happens and don't know whose fault it is. On top of this he says it's all my fault, I'm 100% at fault for causing the argument by "asking him to do something" while I think he's at fault, at least 50% for refusing to do something that really doesn't matter for the sake of it.. That provokes me and is hurtful to me (maybe funny at first but when I ask multiple times it gets harsh) :/
Help!! What do I do | We start fights because I ask him to do things and he refuses out of principle. What should we do to avoid this kind of fight? Who is in the wrong? |
t3_rzysv | AskReddit | What's the most embarrassing/regretted thing you've ever done while drunk? I'll start... | Well a very long story short I called the best looking girl in my grade while very drunk. I had called her before while drunk and she usually just laughs and we laugh it off later. This time I heard her brother (who was in college at the time) talking to her in the background. I demanded she give the phone to him, she did, then I told him a secret about his sister having to do with her and her boyfriend (she gave a blowjob). Me and this girl were never the same friends again and it is still awkward as hell when I see her brother. | Told the brother of the hottest girl in my grade that his sister gave her bf a bj (which, for some reason, was a big deal at the time) |
t3_175yk4 | BreakUps | Broken heart not easy to mend. | This is my first post on Reddit! I was dating this girl (we were both 25 years old at the time) for 5 years when my life took a turn for the worse. I dropped 10k on an engagement ring for her that I never got to propose with. One Thursday night, she decided to go drinking with her co-workers. She called me to tell me she loved me and that she was sleeping over her friend's house. I didn't hear from her for the next few days, no matter how many times I called. Four days later I bit the bullet and read her Facebook messages. What my eyes saw was horrifying and burns my soul every time I think if it. This girl I thought I knew was a total slut talking like she came out of a porno. She was bragging about the sex she had to her friends in vivid detail. She said things I've never heard her say in all of our time together and I was her "first." It's been a year and a half and I am still devastated.
She never tried to make it up to me and I haven't seen her since we were together. She makes it out to be like it was all my fault, taking little blame herself. She started dating a new guy a month later and has been with him since. Her refusal to give me back the promise ring I gave her is really starting to piss me off. I recently found out her new Facebook password through some digging around and I'm debating if I should delete all of her stuff for some extremely late revenge. I'm 10k in the hole and I hate her. I'm a good person and I know I'd feel bad for causing trouble, but I can't let her walk all over me.
What should I do? Is it normal to want to get back at her after this long? Why does she hold on to the promise ring? Thanks for the help! | Cheated on over a year ago and still haven't gotten an apology. Should I see revenge? It's almost impossible to get over this pain that I feel daily. |
t3_1vryzm | AskReddit | What music would you suggest for an 8-year-old? | I work with my local Big Brother/Big Sister program and my "little", as they call your match, is 8. His childhood has been a little rough; his dad passed away a few years back and his mom has a hard time providing for him. His home life is a little dismal, but he's a creative kid and I think it'd be a good time for him to be exposed to and learn more about art and music. He doesn't have a computer at home or access to his own music so I'm planning on getting him his own cheap mp3 player and some headphones. I'd like to load the player with some music and swap it out for him every once in awhile but I'm having a hard time remembering what I was into at that age.
When I ask him what music he likes he says he likes gangster rap, but he can't tell me any groups or songs. I think he WANTS to like gangster rap, or at least wants me to think he does. Needless to say I won't be putting 'Straight Outta Compton' on there quite yet.
For the first run I'd like to provide a wide variety that he can skip through, then he can tell me what songs he likes and I can refine from there. I'm open to any genre really, but I'd love to point him in the direction of non-pop, rock, motown, alternative, soul, punk, blues, classical, hip hop, instrumental, and electronic (bias alert).
I mainly want to encourage him to explore music for himself, I just need a few paths/options for him to venture down.
Any help is appreciated. | Looking for music suggestions for an 8-year-old. A wide variety would be great for the first round, something that would encourage exploration. I'll ask him what he likes and refine from there. |
t3_ecu0k | AskReddit | Dear reddit, what are the techniques to read effectively? | i don't call myself an avid but i do read pretty much. Mostly newspapers, magazines and sometimes a few references.
however, i realised that my "stamina" for reading is more or less the same and these are some of the issues i faced despite reading stuff that i am very interested in.
1. lighting - probably i am astig, i need to have comfortable lighting before i would even start reading.
2. i read the words in my heart/mind as my eyes passes through them, i wonder if that's the main reason i felt tired easily.
3. even more causal stuffs that i am browsing, i may sometimes need to re-read the same passage again to digest it properly. | i want to read more but tire out fast. any tips or reading techniques. please don't gimme crap like speed reading, i tried and its no good. |
t3_jqomg | AskReddit | Repost: Please answer, I am very anxious about possibly sending this guy to jail for 6 months. | Hi Reddit.
I live in Oakland, CA. I like it here. But one month ago, I got mugged. They took my bag with phone/wallet/keys/awesome sunglasses. The good thing is, they weren't out to harm me so I'm okay. The other good thing is, my father was kind enough to make it all better by buying me an awesome phone.
I immediately installed an app called Look Out (Android users: it is free, and awesome. Read on to hear why).
So here I am, trying to still love Oakland and all, attending a kitten shower (yes, a kitten shower) at the local SPCA where I volunteer. Well, while I am in there, petting kittens, someone broke the window of my boyfriend's truck and stole my phone (not, may I say, the iPad and other stuff that was also inside).
As soon as we found out, I activated the app, which will locate the phone and make it "scream" on command. The phone was about 5 blocks away. We called the police, etc, tracked them down, busted this dude and his girlfriend who were lazily biking down the road.
The dude, who was holding the phone when the cops pulled up, is being charged for possession of stolen goods. He has a history and was on parole. He is looking at 6 months now.
Today, I got a call from his girlfriend. She says, "please drop the charges. We were gonna move in together, he has a three year-old-son. Please drop the charges, we will pay for the window."
What would you do? On the one hand, hell, she's making me feel guilty and I don't want to fish out $200 of my own pocket to pay for the window. Plus, prison doesn't make anyone a better person.
On the other hand, it's about paying for your actions and being aware of your consequences. They would have made off with a phone whose retail value is $600, and I would have had to pay for the window as well. | Broke my window and stole my phone. Should I drop the charges? Also, Android users should install Look Out now. |
t3_hw8y4 | AskReddit | How should I pursue this woman without coming off as needy or annoying? | I've been talking with this girl for a little over a month now and have really enjoyed getting to know her. We've hung out(not very much) and vibe really well but I'm not sure what to do next. I feel we havnt spent enough time together yet for me to tell her I like her and be together. So in the mean time I've just been texting and chatting with her every day in the mean time to show that I'm very interested in her. but I'm not sure if that's coming off as needy. She's very pretty and seems to grab alot of guy's attention so I feel if I dont speak with her everyday she might think I've lost interest. What should i do? Should i space it out over a few days or keep in touch with her everyday? Should I get over the fact we havn't been able to hang out alot and just go for it? Help me out reddit! | Been talking with girl, I want to be with her but I dont want to rush it. But at the same time I dont want her to lose interest. What should i do? |
t3_11ga3c | relationships | Read my [22f] gf's (of over a year) email and saw some sketchiness. [24m] | She left her email open on my computer and I saw an email from this guy who is really into her (she told me that he is a while ago). Apparently while she was on vacation, she organized a meetup with him. The issue I have is that she practically begged the guy to buy a plane ticket to meet her in the city she was visiting. They hung out for a few nights and even stayed in the same friend's house. She never told me about this and the only reason I know any of this is because of the emails I read.
Another time I found out that she visited her ex in another state while I was on vacation and the only reason I found out is because I saw a photo on facebook and inquired about it. She stayed at his place but swears she slept on the couch and that nothing happened. And also claims it was a last minute thing because her initial host couldn't host.
I love this girl more than I ever have any other girl. I honestly think she is the one for me. I forgot to mention this is a long distance relationship. I know all her school friends though and they knw were dating.
This sucks that she is hiding things from me like this and obviously my trust for her is diminishing. I'm starting to act weird since I read the emails like a month ago. I don't know what to do. I want to confront her about it but don't want to seem like a psycho for reading her emails. I am afraid it will end our relationship. The other option is forgetting about it but remembering every once in a while and act weird because of it.
Everything else about our relationship is perfect. We are perfect for each other and she is constantly telling me how much I mean to her and expressing that she wants a future with me.
What should I do? | read my gf's emails to find out she had a guy (old friend yet admittedly a guy who has always wanted her) visit her while she was on vacation in another state. |
t3_3twvfc | relationships | I [22F] am unsure how to ask for support from my bf [21M] while in recovery from illness. | I want to preface by saying that about 90% of the time I adore my bf. He's great, funny, and when push comes to shove he is there for me. I've also never connected to anyone physically the way I do to him.
That being said, he can be kind of clueless. He's got some emotional problems and has trouble dealing with lots of emotion (he shuts down and seems almost robotic). He also struggles with being comforting and reassuring because he was raised in a military family and that sort of thing was frowned upon.
I'm currently recovering from a fairly substantial long-term illness, so there are many days that I am tired, grumpy, and just plain sad. On those days it's hard for me to articulate that I just want to be held and told that I'm doing well and that everything is going to be okay. That is NOT his forte. He'll do it, but in a way that makes me feel like I am a chore or a burden. Ick.
I've come into a habit of trying to hide when I'm upset, because the way he acts when I let him know that I'm upset about my recovery and related issues makes me feel super dejected and small. (Currently feeling this way.)
On my good days, we're great. Thankfully my good days outnumber my bad and so it's usually not an issue. I know that he does care and wants me to succeed, I just want to figure out how to talk to him about the support I need.
You're probably thinking, "Just talk to him!!" And I've tried that, but it didn't go so well. I got scared and pulled back because he instantly jumped on the defense and then shut down. I couldn't get him to have a dialogue with me about it and I could tell he felt attacked.
Please send me your advice, and let me know if you need any more information or require clarification. Thanks!! xx | I get sad when my bf doesn't offer me support while I recover, but approaching him about it is difficult because he gets defensive and shuts down. |
t3_wmgtb | AskReddit | Hey Reddit what are some of your paranormal/creepy-as-hell stories? | I know this question probably isn't original but hey, I figure some new people will see it and share some stories that haven't been shared before. Feel free to retell stories or link to ones that you've shared before though! I'm in the mood to fear the dark...
Alright, I'll start! Many years ago when I was just a young lad I went to a birthday party for one of my friends and there were probably around 6 of us. The party was a sleepover and we probably stayed up till around 12 before hitting the sack (we were young'uns and couldn't be staying up all night) but anyways we were all woken up at around 2 when the television in his living room inexplicably turned on, and the remote was across the room. We were all a little put off by that, but then we saw his dog standing by the door having a staring contest with something invisible apparently. We whispered trying to get it to react but it wouldn't move. By now a few of us were losing our nerves, but we decided to stay up and talk just to alleviate the terrors. Well, I guess something else decided to talk because we heard a faint, deep voice that sounded very windy as though it was trying to talk while emptying its lungs (This actually happened)... And we flipped our shit. We were all in half tears, shivering (the only time I have ever shivered from fear) and trying to laugh about it. Eventually the dog snapped out of it and we all went to bed. | Woke up by a television turning on, seeing a dog staring at something, and hearing a disembodied voice. Yay parties. |
t3_4oh7p5 | Advice | How to overcome profound fear of trust? | The past five years or so I have had some of the worst luck in guys that I have developed a fear of trust. I can't develop normal relationships with people anymore because I feel like a scared dog about to be hit.
About three years ago, I started seeing a man who I thought was beyond amazing. He made me feel safe, like I was at home, all the feel goods, etc. Fast forward, we're going out and the night before his birthday I go to drop off his gift and his mother answers the door asking me why I'm not out at dinner with her son. Turns out he played me, took advantage of my feelings and took another girl out on a date...even though we were seeing each other for months.
Fast forward to a year and a half ago, I start seeing a new guy. Except this time he never speak to me every time he went off to college. He would rather go out with friends than call or text me and eventually he started ignoring me completely. We eventually broke it off and I was heartbroken but we remained friends.
Fast forward to January, this new guy comes out of no where. I wasn't expecting to start seeing anyone and felt like it was time to just love myself and "If the right one comes along, he'll come along." I thought this one was different, we spoke every day when I came in to get breakfast at our town's home-cooked restaurant, and I eventually gave him my number. He never called or texted and just two weeks ago when I asked why his answer was "I just like to keep people guessing." Completely blind-sided and feeling like a loser, I left. Just when I thought I could trust someone, it completely broke again.
I don't know what to do, or how to overcome this fear of trust anymore. I've had several nightmares about these events replaying or trusting someone and being backstabbed in the dream. Should I maybe consider going to talk to a therapist? | Heart has been broken in some of the most reckless way that I've developed a fear of trusting anyone and don't know how to live my life properly anymore. |
t3_2t06jw | relationships | i (18 m) just started dating a super cool girl (17 f) a few weeks ago, should i tell her about my relationship history? | so i met this girl at a party over summer, about 4-5 months ago. we get along so well and are basically the same people, it's so awesome! i've been talking and hanging out with her on and off since, but within the past few weeks we started to get more intimate and it has developed into a relationship.
however, i have only had terrible experiences with previous girlfriends. i've been cheated on 5 times, all by different girls. a year ago i had a girl cheat on me with my (at the time) best friend. it was a shitty situation.
since then, i've only had a relationship with one other girl. she used me for 2 months to get a 22 year old guys attention....kinda creepy, and also illegal, considering she was 16 at the time.
so i kinda have some pretty bad trust issues...it's already starting to happen with this new girl and i hate myself for it. its just hard to trust anybody 100% anymore.
should i try and tell her why i have trust issues? or should i just try and get over it myself and stay quiet about it? | gotta new girlfriend, had terrible past experiences with other girls, have some trust issues...how do i go upon solving this? |
t3_3qn3s9 | loseit | Is feeling hungry (stomach growling) okay while calorie cutting? | First of all I'm 24/F/5'4" SW: 132 CW: 126 GW:122
Kind of a n00b post, but I'm closing in on my goal weight - yay!
As a result, I've cut my caloric budget in order to continue losing.
For reference my starting caloric budget was 1436, currently 1346 with my sedentary TDEE being ~1595. I saw consistent loss (with some variation due to water weight and etc) until now; I've been at a plateau for 5ish days.
Up until this cutting I've stayed quite satiated; now that I've cut the calories further, I've noticed my stomach growling more often in between meals/snacks and at the end of the day.
I would think that this is to be expected as my body's not used to such restriction. I've been drinking more water which helps but my stomach is definitely growling at the end of my workday before dinner and etc. | stomach is growling after cutting my caloric budget further, is this bad to keep up or is it to be expected when getting down to goal weight? |
t3_373yxw | relationships | Me [17 M] with my Girlfriend [16 F],1 Month,Don't see each other as much as I would like | I've been seeing this girl for about a month now I meet her through one of my friend's girlfriends, and we really hit it off. We've been talking non stop on Facebook but I don't get to see her ever really now that school is over. The only thing we do together is when we go out to lunch at school, during which we just make out .The closest thing to a date we have had was at a school event, after school hours with the friends that set us up.
The problem is that during summer I go off for the most of the summer and she doesn't want her dad to find out about us so she won't go out or anything. So her idea is to just wait until school starts again, and I don't really think I can wait that long I just want to see her once before I go but she is too afraid of her dad finding out, because she might have to move schools. We've have both told each other that we love each other. This is the first relationship like this I've been in and I'm not sure if I am being too clingy or if it's reasonable to be like this and what could I do? | I'm dating a girl and we won't get a chance to see each other this summer and I don't know if I can do that |
t3_1ehrxs | BreakUps | It's been a year since I broke up with him and I [22 F] still miss him [20 M] like crazy. Considering breaking NC. | We were together for three years and one day. We broke up a year ago yesterday. He had failed almost all of his classes for the third semester in a row even after I tried to find him help, and I couldn't handle it anymore. He transferred schools to be near me and moved into a hall near mine. We saw each other all the time and didn't go a day without texting for three years straight. I've known him since I was 9 and we were in orchestra together all throughout high school. After we broke up, we kept talking for a couple of months basically because I wasn't over him even though I broke up with him. But in December, I finally realized I was being crazy by still trying to talk to him. We haven't talked since the beginning of December but I still miss him like crazy and have to stop myself from texting him every single day.
When I was breaking up with him, it felt wrong and it still does. I don't know what to do without him and even though I've been trying to meet other guys, I can only see myself with him. I just needed to get some of this written out... But mostly, I'm considering breaking no contact and it would probably be good to have some discouragement... | Broke up with him a year ago. Wasn't sure about it then. Talked off and on after break up. Haven't talked in nearly six months and considering breaking no contact because I can't stop thinking about him. |
t3_4s8s3y | relationships | Me [22 M/F] moving back in with family, need advice for how to make it a positive experience for all family members | Hi Reddit,
I lost my job and thankfully, my parents have offered me a place to stay with them.
I need some advice on how to make the most of it, mostly a) dealing with parents well and b) doing everything I can to be considerate, like offering to do chores, help them with tech stuff, stay upbeat, etc.
A couple of things to consider:
I work in tech. My parents, like many ppl their age, don't understand tech and are just frustrated by it. I work with analytics and databases, not "the neflix, the twitter, or the internet explorer."
They think writing code is just typing, and that I shouldn't work in tech anyway since I'm female/unrealistic expectations of the job market.
I have quite a few interviews lined up, it's just I typically receive harsh remarks from them regarding them. Parents are parents, but I'm trying not to take it personally. Not too sure what to say sometimes.
In the meantime, when I'm not applying to jobs or looking up classes or volunteering, I've been helping out at home. I get up early, take the dogs for a walk, feed them, do house chores, such as cleaning and organizing.
I also help them with all of their tech related questions. Since my dad has alzheimer's, I offer to take care of him/hang out with him, too, and we've been having some fun.
I've only been back about a week, so my mom hasn't allowed me to cook things yet...hopefully she will soon since I love cooking, and it'd be another great way to help them out.
People of reddit, do you have any other suggestions for how I can really be helpful around the house? I'm very grateful that my parents are letting me stay with them. | Lost job, moved back in with parents, looking for advice for how I can help out, be considerate, and not go crazy when they ask why the internet explorer doesn't work. |
t3_15igkz | relationships | Did I [21m] make the right choice? | I have never really had a girlfriend before I started "dating" my friend's sister [21f] about a month and a half ago. After a couple nights where she was at the same house parties we made out and began talking more. I can't say I was 100% into her but after years without seriously talking to girls I just went with it. We went on a couple of dates and I began to like her more, though we were both pretty shy and she had never really been with anyone either.
Fast forward to a week ago when I was with my friend on a vacation in Jamaica. We met these two Canadian girls [19f] (we are from the states) and spent most of our 5 day vacation hanging out with them. I lost my virginity to one of them on the second night, and we continued having sex each night we were there. We talked a LOT and I felt a true connection with this girl. We left a couple days earlier than they did and it was hard leaving, we all felt like we'd known them forever. I was at the point where I wanted to drop everything and move to Canada to be with her. Since then we've been talking daily and feelings still seem strong.
Feelings I had for my friend's sister seemed to have faded. I just didn't feel the connection that I did with this other girl. I texted her tonight and told her I wasn't ready for a relationship and did not want to continue things past friendship. I feel more for this Canadian girl than I ever have with anyone really that I have ever met, though I know it is a crazy thought. We are pretty far away (geographically) right now, but she finishes school in a year and is thinking about moving here after that.
Am I crazy for giving up something I had here for a girl I've known for a week? Is this long distance connection even plausible? Please tell me if I've done the right thing and followed my heart or if I'm completely out of my mind. | Had a potential girlfriend here, fell in love with a Canadian I met in Jamaica. Not sure if I made the right choice. |
t3_31oc3d | relationships | Boyfriend [23M] of one year, lied and forgot about my birthday present[19F] | so in mid february, it was my birthday, it wasn't a very good one might I add, for several reasons. My Boyfriend said I'll take you out for lunch, choose a place. So I chose a place, slightly more excited that the day was getting better. He told me my birthday present was on the way- being delayed in the post...
Fast forward to a week ago, I asked about it, he said he lied and it was never in the post and he actually forgot to order it, and now he's forgotten what it was (if it did actually exist). Hearing this upset me, because I felt that I wasn't important enough to him and a bit unloved. This was because I gave him such a thoughtful gift for his birthday, christmas and Valentines(where I got nothing again).
I just expected something thoughtful, even flowers or a hand written card! Then I wonder, would he of just let it all slide if I never mentioned it at all, so their was actually no gift in the first place..
I feel quite unappreciated in the relationship, because of these instances, but I feel so silly to even mention it because it's materialistic right? But I wasn't expecting anything extravagent, just something thoughtful you know? I don't know, someone help? | [19F] upset about being lied about birthday present, and feels unloved by [23M] BF of one year. How to mention it, or get over it? |
t3_pe2t9 | AskReddit | What is this trait or action called that my friend does when we are out together? | Hey Reddit! I'm new here and really need your help. I've been lurking long enough. My friend/sort of boyfriend is in his late 20's, well adjusted IT guy for a good company. He's friendly, open minded and mostly accomplishes the things he wants to. I'm not sure if any of that's important.
So the other day we took the train as usual into Manhattan to get lunch and hang out until night. We sat outside at a cafe and even though he didn't say a word about this, he got distracted by people next to us, around us, walking across the street to the point where when I was speaking to him he would cock his head in my direction as to listen but clearly was watching in annoyance these other people.
It was as though he couldn't turn it off. He normally doesn't do this but I'm trying to find a name for this. Not ADD but mostly letting other people annoy him momentarily while we're having a conversation.
I know outside forces can be a problem when trying to enjoy ones self but when it happens to me, I just ignore the outside force and try to not let it hamper us.
To try to make it more clear, I've seen mostly women do this with their disapproving looks at say a kid who has a ton of piercings or has a mohawk. I don't mind this but I want to know what this is called or if it's even called anything.
Can someone describe this to me because it's very foreign since I was taught that you just ignore it. | What's that thing called when someone is disapprovingly distracted by someone and can't focus on their current conversation or ignore it? |
t3_4caxeq | relationships | Me [23 M] with my ex gf[22 F] of 2 years, got in instagram shaming and I saw it. | I've had a complicated notion of this girl since we broke up. She had a friend who she remained close with the entire two years we dated, and I was always somewhat jealous and pissed off about how much they talked. It was a concern but she assured me (even her mom did too) that they would never become a thing.
Sure enough not a few weeks after we break up she seems to be with him now. I seriously wish for her to be happy because that's how I am, and I consider myself still in love with her. It puts a sinking feeling in me when I see any of her friends post stuff with her in it (I don't have her on facebook or anything anymore).
So yesterday, a mutual friend of mine decided to post a picture of her and the dude all three together in a picture. I don't know for sure they are dating, but it's reasonable to assume so. So the guy's ex (whom he broke up with just to start dating mine) makes some snarky comment and everyone starts brawling on this picture. I remain out of the fray because I could only hurt or be hurt by being in such an immature situation.
I cannot help but feel sick to my stomach, because it felt like she was laughing and shaming people who are against their relationship. She actually commented "haha."
Help for any pointers, clarity, peace of mind. I know logically I shouldn't care, but it hurt physically when I woke up this morning. | Ex who I loved mutually for 2 years seemed to be laughing in this girl's face but simultaneously in mine, via instagram. |
t3_cc64b | relationship_advice | Looking for advice on a rebound relationship | I (22 M) broke up from a long-term relationship (5+ years) about a month ago. For the sake of simplicitly we were basically married. I recently hooked up with a girl that I think is really awesome and enjoy being with both inside and outside the bedroom.
We haven't spoken openly about it yet, but she seems interested in pursuing a relationship. I say this because of the chain of events: relentless flirting last week, hook up Friday night, spend most of Saturday together, sleep together Saturday night, then she delayed me from leaving as much as she could Sunday morning.
This leaves me with a few problems. First, I'm not 100% over my ex. I'm pretty close, but I can't honestly say I'm completely over her. Second, the new girl directly asked some questions about my previous relationship (eg how long was it, why did you break up, etc) to which I gave the vaguest answer that would satisfy. Third, I'm not sure what *I* want out of this potential relationship.
Aside from general advice, I guess I'm looking for direct answers to the following questions:
* How do I deal with questions about my previous relationship? The questions I've been asked so far have been about the relationship, rather than my ex. She met my ex once, but I wouldn't say she really knows her.
* Is it a terrible idea to pursue a relationship while not completely over my ex? It's not like I'm thinking about my ex all the time, but she still pops up in the back of my mind every now and then.
* Is she somehow trying to take advantage of me? I don't know what she would be getting out of it as I haven't even bought her a drink.
My current strategy is to call her sometime tomorrow, arrange to meet over coffee or something in a day or two, then have an open and honest discussion about my situation. I'll be pushing for either a slow-moving casual relationship, or a friendship that *\*ahem\** comes with a benefits package because, frankly, the sex is awesome :D | recently ended a long term relationship, am on the rebound and found a little hottie that I'm not sure what to do with. HALP. |
t3_3gcn4n | tifu | TIFU by going to a hot dentist with garlic in my ear. | So since yesterday my wisdom tooth hurt like hell and it started to swell up more and more. Too busy(lazy) to go to the dentist that day I phoned up my shamanic consultant (my grandma) and cried about my tooth ache (im 21). She tells me to buy garlic and onions. Put the garlic in my ear and chew on onions.
I tried that and there was no pain relief at all.
So I go lookup a dentist for tomorrow (a sunday).
Found some dental care Institute next to medical University.
I couldn't sleep all night and wake up at 11.20 am. The dentist there closes at noon.
Extremely tired, I quickly put on clothes without showering.
I get there in time
An hour later I get x-rayed. Then a nurse guides me to my dentist chair.
I sit down and then the dentist approaches.
She's a 30-35 year old milf.
As she turns to my X-ray pictures, I quickly do my hair, reposition myself to look as sharp as I can in a reclined dentist chair.
Then to the left and even hotter intern approaches.
We make eye contact and she ask me what's in my ear.
I touched my ear only to find that piece of garlic I left in my ear from freaking yesterday. The intern looked disgusted, the milf doctor starts laughing really loud. mockingly loud.
As they take a look at my tooth. She pulls out a small onion ring. That's been stuck between the swollen up gum and my teeth. At this point they didn't say a word and she put the onion ring next to the garlic. I just wished she would have laughed like before. | put smelly vegetables in my body cavities, went to hot dentist who managed to recover both of them. But couldn't recover my tooth. |
t3_4ej6eu | relationships | Me [18F] was kicked out of home by my dad for his new family my boyfriend [18M] and his dad took me in. What is a amazing why to thank them? | Hi guy's so a few weeks ago my dad made me leave home because I am 18 now and he has a " new family" now in his words. He always was an ass so no big loss to me.
My boyfriend and his dad took me in, I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years now. His dad is very successful is his field of work and has made alot of money. His dad is mostly away on business trips so most of the 2 months I have been there it's just me and my boyfriend.
My boyfriend has a beautiful home, like no joke it's strait out of a movie. It's clean, it's big and it's fancy. It is nothing like my dad's old place
This is such a stupid question but I can't think of a proper way to thank them both. I just need advice on how to thank them both for taking me in. How can I do so | My dad kicked me out of home for his new family and my boyfriend and his dad took me in. what is a amazing way to thank them both? |
t3_n954l | legaladvice | Minor traffic accident due to weather conditions, can I get out of my citation? | I overestimated a turn and crossed the double yellow line due to poor visibility (sun-blind at 8:30am coupled with a slightly foggy windshield), scuffing a car coming the opposite direction with my mirror in the process. I'm not concerned about my insurance or the other party involved, my issue is the $125 ticket that I received that is going to sap my bank account and drain what little x-mas funds I might've had to buy gifts for my girlfriend and my mother.
I have a clean driving record, the officer who responded wrote me a citation for veering left and mentioned I might be able to get out of the ticket by showing up to court and fighting it. The cop was incredibly nice (unlike the other party), and also mentioned he wrote me the easiest-to-dodge and lowest cost citation that he could come up with. Anyone have experience with this type of situation? Thanks in advance. | Minor traffic accident might ruin Christmas, is "I couldn't see due to weather/the sun" plausible to dodge a ticket or should I suck it up and pay it to avoid court costs? |
t3_3axhui | Advice | Girlfriend is possibly pregnant? lookin for pregnancy advice...and comfort | Alright, here we go. It's been a little over two weeks since we had sex.(16 and a half days at the time of this post) From all the research I've done it's way to early to tell anything. She was on birth control and she wanted to get PlanB as well just in case.
AND she's had her period inbetween then and now. Which was a "no baby in here" sign to me. Or so I thought. I'm pretty flipping ignorant of how the woman body works and such.
Why didn't we use a condom? We tried, they hurt her and cause her longer term issues(allergy to the plastic or something, idk, yeast infections and such.)
However, she sent me a pic of her belly and she's swollen(like, a lot) and peeing a lot. So she's freaking us both out thinking she's pregnant.
I've read that swelling can come from hormones going crazy, and I've read that PlanB is a ridiculous amount of hormone boost to a person's body.
All of that being said, here are my questions:
A) How likely is it that she's pregnant?
B) If unlikely, what are some things that could cause the swelling so that I can ease her mind?
C) Will you hold me and gently stroke my head while whispering "It's okay dumbass, it'll aaaaaall be ooooookay" | Had sex, no condom, she's on birth control, also took PlanB, also had a period since...HOWEVER she has a swollen stomach and peeing a lot at 16 days since sex. |
t3_438qos | tifu | TIFU by answering a question about teamwork in my internship interview | A month or so ago I scored the opportunity of a lifetime by being accepted as a candidate for a 2016 paid summer internship at a large global bank. I'm an excellent student majoring in Business and I'm graduating in June. So this internship could turn into a full time job come the fall.
After 3 rounds of interviews I was still standing. I had one last meeting to get through - and it was going great until the last question.
"Talk about a situation where teamwork and collaboration really made a difference."
I blurted out the most recent situation that came to mind without stopping to consider things more broadly.
"I'm captain of my soccer team. And practice this past Friday was attended by quite a few girls. Everyone's first instincts are to show off and be as impressive as possible. But I decided to hold back and give my team mates a chance to shine."
My interviewer's demeanor visibly changed, and I realized immediately that she wasn't at all keen on my answer. I shifted gears and provided another example about a group project at school.
It failed to rekindle her interest though. She said nothing about either of my examples. She asked no follow up questions at all.
"Do you have any questions for me?" She asked tersely. When all was said and done, the interview ended 10 minutes early.
It's been a week and a half, and I haven't heard a word. In the past they've always gotten back to me a day or two later. | Essentially told a female job-interviewer that generously giving up my Captain's first-pick rights so the men in my charge stood a chance at landing some hot chicks best demonstrated my teamwork and collaboration skills. |
t3_i88oy | AskReddit | Female dating younger guys: What age is too young for it to work? | I am a 29 year old female. Divorced a year ago or so. I think my marriage aged me quicker than I wanted it to, so I find now that I am dating again I get a long best with guys that are younger than me.
I am ready to start looking for something serious again... but I don't want to keep trying to start stuff with guys younger than me (like 22-26 year old range) and then realize that they were just in it for some fun, and waste a lot more time.
I'm not blowing off guys closer to my age or older either. In my social circle, I almost exclusively meet people who are younger than me, so it is just easier for me to find people to date that way. I'm just curious as to around what age I should expect a guy to be serious about an "older woman." I think 26 would be reasonable... but probably not 22. | I'm 29, usually go for younger guys, how young is too young for me to expect a serious relationship with forever potential? |
t3_2tvxxm | relationships | Help me [20f] understand why my boyfriend [21m] gets so mad when we talk about this situation. | Throw away because I'm paranoid that he knows my main account.
Basically my boyfriend's dad is an alcoholic and is going to lose his license which means my boyfriend has to take his dad's car into his name. This is very stressful to him, understandably. (Note: He does not have a lot of money, nor a job and doesn't actively search for one. He just uses the returns he gets from his grants for school.)
Well, every time it gets brought up, he doesn't want to talk about it and actively changes the subject.
Just a few minutes ago, it got brought up in conversation. I very calmly explained that instead of stressing, perhaps he should talk to someone at the DMV/ insurance companies to see how much it will cost to transfer everything and make a plan from there. I suggested that he give his current car to his little sister and have his mom pay the insurance and then drive his dad's car.
I explained that this was all simply a suggestion based on the information he had given me and I was in no way insinuating that he had to do it or that was the exact right option. I said that I wanted him to be happier and not stress as much and I thought this might help because I know it helps me to have all the facts when I'm stressed out.
He told me that he was now incredibly pissed off even thinking about it, told me he'd thought about all those options before and that he couldn't just dump that burden on his mom and that he wasn't stupid and he knew all this and then hung up on me.
So, I set my phone to send his calls straight to voicemail and not notify me when I had a message from him. I'm hurt and sad and upset. All I was trying to do was help.
He complains about stuff a lot and then doesn't do anything to change it and then wonders why things go wrong. I don't know what the next move is. This behavior is severely affecting how I feel about him, but there are a lot of god qualities he has that make me not want to break up with him. I'm so confused. Please help. | My boyfriend got really mad when I tried to help him with a stressful situation and hung up on me. Why did he get so mad and what do I do now? |
t3_2usbiz | tifu | TIFU by freaking out at having my car stolen. | First day of my flight attendant class was over and I walked out of the building towards my car. I had parked it on the street right beside the school, next to a tree. As I turned the corner, I can't see it. I have a red Smart, so it's easy to identify (not many around where I'm from). I freak out immediately. I walk up and down the street several times and get water in my eyes as my new classmates pass by thinking I'm nuts. I call my dad, start crying and shaking, he tells me he'll call the police and says I should head back to school to get help. I get in the reception, crying like a fucking baby, everybody stops and stares while I try to say my car got stolen in between sobs. Some of my classmates try to help and get the school's director. He comes out and asks me to show where I had parked. We walk down the street and I show him the empty space next to the tree. He asks if I'm sure, if it wasn't next to some other tree or another street. I say I'm positive. He walks another block down and as the street ends, he turns right to keep going. And I see a red car on the corner. My red car. I start crying again with some tears of joy, but mostly with tears of embarrassment. The police where on the way, my dad was on the way and I had just made a scene in my first day of class. The director turns to me and says "I'm glad you will have Navigation classes here. You need them badly." | made a scene in my whole school about how my car had just been stolen to find out I had actually parked it elsewhere.* |
t3_2a8j60 | relationships | Me [23F] with my fiance [30M] - soliciting some advice: mismatched sleep cycles causing sexual frustration and frustration with each other | My fiance and I have an overall pretty good sex life. We're well matched in terms of drive, and I have *zero* complaints about the actual sex. The sex is wonderful.
Here's where we get into the issue: I usually go to the gym really early in the morning and then straight on to work, but for the past few weeks I've been slacking off and sleeping in-- meaning we were getting a little extra time for morning sex. Since I was getting more sleep overall, we were also getting ample time at night.
This week I decided I needed to get back on the horse because skipping the gym was taking its toll, so I started turning in earlier and waking up super early again. I told my fiance that I was planning to shower and then go curl up, and he said he would join after he played a little bit more of his video game. One hour later, I'm a sleepy panda while he's just then deciding he's done for the night and that he wants to play with me instead. He got upset when I told him I was going to bed but eventually admitted that he was being an ass, and we both went to bed (slightly grumpy).
This morning I wake up and he's awake as well, trying to pull me back into bed. I explained that no, darling, I really have to go to the gym because I haven't in two weeks and we can have sexytiem later tonight; he was once again upset with me but stubbornly denied it. I feel like he's pissed because he hasn't gotten any in the past 24 hours, but *I* am pissed because it seems like he was just expecting my go to bed early/wake up early strategy was making a comeback for more morning sex, rather than for me to go run a few miles before work. | I'm an early bird and he's a night owl. This is causing issues for sexytiem and he's starting to show he's upset about it, which is in turn upsetting me. |
t3_qvtnb | relationships | Having extreme difficulty getting over a sordid past. Help. | I (26) have been dating my girlfriend (24) for about two months. And, honestly, I couldn't ask for a better person to be with. We get along fantastically, same sense of humor, she's intelligent, beautiful etc.
The one hitch is that for a time, she was rather promiscuous. She seriously got her heart broken, and like many people do, overcompensated. Even though our numbers are about the same (roughly 15), she accomplished most of that in a year and a half time frame (with a few people recycled through, including repeatedly her ex, by her own admission).
However, about a year ago, she realized what she was doing wasn't what she wanted, was hurting her, and stopped. And with the exception of one person who she had slept with before and is a close childhood friend, was completely celibate.
But, even though she changed long before she met me, on her own, her past still bothers me immensely. And strangely it's not jealousy, but disgust. Whenever I think about it (which I do way more than I should) I get a knot in my stomach, and can't help but think highly disparaging thoughts. Part of it is she wasn't really enjoying it, but just trying to get over someone and was just getting used; which isn't something I can respect and makes me see her as someone who just had terrible self esteem and zero self respect.
But, the thing is, it's in the past. Pretty far in the past. Also, she's never lied to me about anything, and is pretty bothered by what she did and who she was. And I just really, really need to get over it.
I'm not afraid she's going to cheat on me, or worry about past relationships coming back to life. I just keep projecting who she was on who she is now, and it's going to poison what could be a very amazing relationship. Yet, I can't seem to forget it. If anyone has gone through/ overcome this, any advice would be amazing. | Current girlfriend slept around a lot, changed her life, then we met a year later and started dating. Yet I still find what she did disgusting and can't get past it, even though it's irrelevant now. |
t3_32rslc | relationships | Me [24 F] with my BF [25 M] 1yr + LDR, We're happy but I miss missing him. | My boyfriend and I have been together for one year and are very much in love. Mid-December he moved out of state for work while I stayed here. We visit each other often and have little to no trouble with our relationship. Very open communication, creative problem solving, still remain sexual and attracted to each other, etc.
The problem is - sometimes I feel like we keep in contact TOO much. I kind of miss missing him. He's not acting too needy, and I like to think I'm not either. I just wish we could go a day or two or three (maybe? in a row? maybe.) every now and then without talking.
To refresh. To miss each other.
Is this acceptable? How would I go about discussing this him in a sensitive way?
Additionally, could this mean anything significant in my relationship?
\\ | I miss the feeling of missing him. How can I talk to my boyfriend about occasionally not talking for a few days without making him think I'm breaking up with him? |
t3_1vybng | relationship_advice | I (M/17) made a mistake with (f/17) | I had been dating this girl for about 5 months now. We're both still in love with one another (at least I am). About 3 weeks ago she wanted to take a break because we're in a long distance relationship and we both get frustrated with each other from time to time because we don't see each other very often (have to resort to phone calls).
A week after she wanted the break, I thought that it was best to actually break up with her. It wasn't until I actually ended it that I realized it's not at all what I wanted. I broke up with her (over the phone, I know this is a huge no-no, but I won't be home until Valentine's Day), and she didn't even cry. She seemed absolutely fine and she's not even upset. My friends don't think she seems upset either.
I told her I wanted to get back together with her a couple days after I ended it, and she said that neither of us were really prepared for a relationship, and that we would talk about it in 2 weeks. Bottom line, I need to be back together with her, what should I do? | I broke my own heart by breaking up with my girl, need to get back together with her, but don't know how. |
t3_3yoxfv | relationships | Have I wasted my life? [29M] | I feel like I've wasted my youth and my missed my chance to enjoy things that people normally enjoy, life after 30 seems horrible, everyone I know is either married or in a serious long term relationship, many people my age have kids, younger people consider me an "old guy" now and I feel like shit, I look like shit despite doing my best to take care of my appearance - to workout, wear nice clothes, take care of my skin/teeth. I feel like life isn't enjoyable anymore and I missed the period where I could have the most fun, what should I do? | Feels like I wasted my youth, how do I get over it? Really hate myself and my life tbh. |
t3_4hjjal | relationships | Me [19 M] with my girlfriend's [19 F] roommate [19] is changing in front of me with and without her in the room. | Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little more than 7 months now. My girlfriend has had a weird relationship with her roommate over the past academic year, but they get along well. Me and her roommate have more in common with each other than my girlfriend does with her because we are both computer science majors who watch a lot of the same television shows. Because of this, we get along pretty well and we are able to keep up conversation without things getting awkward when my girlfriend leaves the room to use the bathroom etc.
She used to change in the bathroom when she was getting ready for bed but I suppose as she got more comfortable with me being around she started telling me to just cover myself with a blanket while she changes. Now it has come to the point where she is changing her clothes, taking her pants off, and changing her shirt and engaging in conversation with me.
I'm just wondering if this behavior is just because she has become extremely comfortable around me or is it because she's kind of into me. Of course I am going to try and leave the room when she changes from now on but it's not always easy to see coming all the time. | Girlfriends roommate started changing in front of me over the past month. Is she into me or just extremely comfortable around me now |
t3_pxefc | AskReddit | Reddit, what's your craziest coincidence story? | Mine happened just a couple weeks ago. I was bored one night so I decided to shoot an old friend of mine a text. We hadn't talked in probably almost a month, so the usual "How've you been? What have you been up to lately?" conversation ensued. As it turned out, she had been going through the egg donor process for a few weeks, and the next day she was scheduled for "the surgery" (to actually remove the egg). We talked about it for a bit, I saluted her for being a fucking superhero, and the conversation ended.
The next day I went to work at a catering shop, delivering moderate to large amounts of food to businesses/parties around the city I live in. I look in the book for the day and notice a new party had come in since I was last at work a couple days prior, and it's for a fertility clinic. I didn't think much of it, until I was scheduled on that delivery, and was on my way there and remembered the conversation I had had the night before. I remember thinking to myself, "Wouldn't it be nuts if I was delivering to the fertility clinic where Susan was having her surgery?"
Sure enough, I get to the clinic and see her car in the parking lot. It's a tiny clinic, by the way, only about 4 cars in the lot, probably under 10 people on staff. I texted her "You'll never believe where I'm delivering right now." She says "Where?" and then I send her a picture of her car in the lot.
It didn't fully hit me how ridiculous of a coincidence it was until a bit later.
* I had just spontaneously decided to text her the night before.
* We just happened to talk about the surgery she was having, we could've talked about a host of other topics.
* Any one of the 5 other drivers could have been assigned to that delivery.
* That clinic had never even booked with my catering company before.
* Even the timing lined up where I got there just as she was waking up and could answer my text.
The stars really aligned for that one. I'm sure some of you can beat it though, let's hear it! | Delivered a catering to the same clinic my friend was having a surgery at, whom I had just talked to for the first time in months the night before, about that very surgery. |
t3_4le975 | relationships | For four years, my mother [60 F] has criticized my [23 F] home every time she visits | My parents rarely visit me because they live 8 hours away. However, my mother has become increasingly critical of my home whenever she visits. I feel insulted and my autonomy disrespected whenever it happens, especially since I work hard to make my house ready for their visits.
The discussions I've tried to have with her (using techniques I learned in CBT in college) have been pretty unproductive. Today, she rolled her eyes and accused me of being sensitive and having a chip on my shoulder. Then she generally pouted and was quiet all day. Could anybody give me some advice on how they've handled this successfully? I'm at a loss.
**Examples of things my mom says when she comes over:**
* "I have some great ideas about how you can rearrange the furniture in your room." (the next day) "Come on, let's go move that furniture."
* "You need another table here. What about moving that one from the bedroom?"
* "You don't need to feed your cat. Look, he has food in his bowl."
* "Do you wanna let your dog out? I bet you should."
* "Well, since you don't have cable..."
* "Well, I know you don't have a coffeepot..."
* "Well, since you *need* me to take my shoes off when I come inside..." (rolls eyes) | My mom implies disapproval of my home. I'm tired of it, and I need help with strategies for changing this dynamic. |
t3_4z25rb | relationships | My [22M] ex [20F] & I have been no contact for almost 2 months after the breakup, but I still miss her | My relationship of a year & a half with my ex ended in June. She became the biggest part of my life after school & work.
During the relationship, I stopped talking to my 2 best friends for reasons that had nothing to do with my relationship - they were just bad friends.
I lost them but I didn't care, because at least I still had my girlfriend. During the relationship she wasn't only my girlfriend, she became my best friend too.
After the breakup, I took it really hard because I had lost both my best friend &. I tried to reach out to my old best friends a month after the breakup to patch things up, but that was to no avail.
I have since made new friends & thought I was over the relationship, but I still miss the fun I had with my ex as well as my old best friends. It's just not the same & while that's not necessarily a bad thing, it is in this case.
My ex & I tried to stay friends (with benefits) after the breakup, but I realized I would never get over her that way. I told her to never text me again & then blocked her on every social network. Now that I'm mostly over the relationship, I miss her in my life. Not necessarily as a partner, but as a friend. We have so many interests in common that you can't find everywhere else. | Is it okay if I call her to go out as friends, or is this just me justifying seeing her again to myself? |
t3_2jw7qv | relationships | Me [25M] with my girlfriend [25F] 1 year, slightly upset, but not sure why | I live with my girlfriend and we've got one of her friends from back home staying on our couch. I like the guy so I had no problem with this when she asked if he could stay with us for a little while.
Last night around 1030pm he decided to go on an ice cream adventure (this guy is pretty much a straight hippie so random "adventures" are not unexpected). He asked if anyone else wanted to go, my girlfriend said yes, asked me if I wanted to go and I declined (I've got mother fucking egg nog ice cream in the freezer, why would I bother going out for ice cream (and my stomach has been upset the past day)).
They didn't get back until 130am. I have no trust issues with her, but for some reason the uncertainty while she was gone bothered me. I wasn't worried about her doing anything she shouldn't, but I think the simple fact that ice cream shouldn't take 3 hours bothered me.
I played video games for a little while until it was around my bedtime then went to bed and didn't quite sleep easily.
Am I just overly attached with separation anxiety or something? I think I just feel kinda lost during a time like this: if it was planned I wouldn't mind. I think after such a long uncertain time my brain starts to assume I've done something wrong.
Also, if she just texted me a few times here and there I probably would have been fine, but I don't want to require that she constantly update me of what she's doing, because again, it's not that I don't trust her, but for some reason the not knowing what to do with myself or something bothered me. | Girlfriend went out for a while without me last night. Why am I bothered by this? It doesn't really affect us in the long term, but I'd like to understand why I was uncomfortable. |
t3_2dvahu | relationships | I (21F) hate my SO's (23M) family. They hate me. How should I handle it? | I'll try to keep this brief (even though I could write a damn novel about how awful they are). My SO and I have been together for three years. At first I thought his family was nice. Later on down the road I found out the truth. They are all insane. His mother and sister are the most unstable people in the world. His dad is a controlling narcissist. They are just awful. And they hate me. Naturally they feel like I am taking him away from them, but aside from that, I made the mistake of living with his sister before I knew who she really was. She was the worst roommate I could have possibly imagined, wasn't truth worthy in the least, and almost killed my cat three times from being careless and irresponsible. Our relationship was terrible. We were both miserable. But she decided that without asking, she was going to extend her stay in our apartment for three months. I couldn't deal with that, so, with my SO's approval, I kicked her out. Of course her family now hates me and thinks I am literally Satan. To make matters worse, my SO lives with me against his father's wishes.
How can I deal with this horrible, strained, hateful relationship especially when my SO wants to patch up his own relationship with them? | I hate my SO's family. They hate me. SO wants to improve his relationship with them. What should I do? |
t3_1l9pk4 | relationships | Me[20M] with my girlfriend [19F] 2 years, not sure whether I want to break up | Hey guys, never been here before, but I think I want to break up with my girlfriend. Here's a recent history:
We were good until this summer began, and things have been off ever since, with more useless arguments that led to me saying we should break up. Because I had been with her for so long, I decided to keep trying. Couple weeks pass, the hang outs are okay but something is definitely up.
This past week I hadn't really seen her because all my friends moved in so I spent the weekend with them, and she was being mean about it, but I knew it didn't really bug me that I didn't see her for so long.
Now we're meeting tonight to talk and everything seems shitty, but I still have this feeling of doubt. I do really care about her, but I don't know if I want the relationship. Its been like this for two months. She said some things last night that hit hard. | I'm torn on whether I should end a 2 year relationship when the past two months have been hard. Help please! |
t3_1303xh | relationships | I [25f] in a [7yr] relationship with fiance [35m] and wonder if anyone has ever felt... "less" love.. | I love him but he doesn't pay attention to me. I just feel like our only connection is our 5 yo daughter. We've been having a hard time lately where he makes mistakes [like not sticking up for me against his family when I was hurt by his sister] and I am still getting over the fact that he can't put me first. I feel on the back burner.
Has anyone else ever wished their relationship was better or different? I have no romance.. but I want it. I talked to him about it, but he doesn't try at all. All he cares about is getting drunk and having sex. He says he loves me but I don't feel as appreciated as I did 7 years ago. I feel lonely.
Thoughts anyone..? | My bf doesn't appreciate me or pay attention to me and I don't think he will change.. I may be wishing he was more like someone else. [no one in particular] |
t3_28cnbb | relationships | Me [23/F] with my exgf [22/F] ...double standard about sleeping around? | Me and my girlfriend broke up around a month and a half ago though we still keep in contact. We've actually had sex a couple of times ...in situations where we were alone, it kinda just happened even though we both knew it wasn't a good idea. Anyway why is the thought of me having sex with another woman perfectly okay for me to comprehend BUT the thought of her having sex with someone (even meaningless sex with a stranger) is devastating and gut-wrenching? How do I fix this double standard?
Is it just a consequence of still being in love with her? Even though I don't think I am? Or am I just being insecure? Do I need to just cut contact completely? | Have a major problem thinking about my exgf having sex with someone even though I am fine with myself sleeping around and am even seeking it out with a former fwb. How do I fix this? |
t3_fmv2b | AskReddit | How many of you are just "him/her"? | I ask this because I find myself stuck in a situation were I am nothing more than "him."
This is my situation. I am a high school senior. I am in CAS (Gifted) classes and as a result have been with the same 12-15 people throughout high school. You would think that being with the same small group of people for about 4 year would guarantee them all to be close right? I my case, that is wrong.
I can go up to and have a good conversation with any of these people. I am by no means disliked by any of them, however no matter what I do I cannot move past being "Him."
I have tried being more open and going out of the way to talk and socialize more, but I cannot go from that nice and smart kid, to the kid that you would invite to hang out with or approach to talk to over anyone else.
I could also say that I am not ugly, awkward, or dull, but that is subjective.
What especially bothers me is that new students have entered our "group" and are now closer with my classmates than I am.
I am honestly very confused and was really hoping that maybe some of you had some experience with a situation like this, or possibly any advice that could help me make actual wholesome "friendships" with these people.
Thoughts After Typing Above: To clarify who I may be perceived as, here is a little more information. I was very quiet my freshman-junior years. I wasnt very social, but was very kind and helpful. I fear I may be stuck as "that very quiet sweet guy". | I was a quiet sweet guy, but now want to become closer friends with my classmates before we go off to college, but I cant seem to break the label placed on me. |
t3_nb4n1 | cats | I need some advice on a cat that scratches our new dining room chairs! | My cat has normally been a good kitty. She regularly uses her scratching post, and has never scratched the new living room furniture. However, we just recently purchased a new dining set, and all the chairs are fabric. She has taken a liking to jumping on the back of the chairs and scratching. My husband and I assume she does this because the tweed like fabric on the backs of the chairs feels really close to what her scratching posts are like. What is a good way to stop her from doing this? Our current solution has been to spray her with a water bottle when we catch her doing it, and we put towels over the back so she can't scratch them when we aren't around. Is there a better way with dealing with this? If I don't come up with something soon it will be back to putting soft paws on her, and that is a pain in the butt! | Normally good cat is now scratching the backs of our new dining room chairs. Need to figure out how to make her stop or it's back to putting soft paws on her. Please help! |
t3_my3ua | AskReddit | What the hell can I do? | I teach art lessons to underprivileged youths at a nearby elementary school through an organization at my university. After only ever teaching in middle/upper class areas, working with these kids has been a very eye-opening experience. I'll cut to the chase though... Today was my last day working with this particular class of kids, and one table started talking about when they were afraid of their parents. Two girls admitted that their parents regularly belted them, with one also saying her dad whipped her with metal wire, too, and the other saying her dad pounded her hand with a brick. When I tried to tell them that it was wrong for their parents to hurt them and told them it's illegal, they disagreed and thought it wasn't illegal. Yet another started crying when she got a somewhat poor progress report she had to take home for her parents to sign, saying her dad was going to beat her like he usually did. A different girl also told me that her mom calls her a "fat bitch" and that her dad was deported and went to jail after trying to kill her mother.
I asked the graduate student who serves as supervisor of the other undergraduate mentors like me what, if anything, I should do. Her exact words were, "If you didn't see bruises, you can't say shit." In a sad way I agree, and I realize I also have no proof that these kids are telling the truth, although they seemed serious. But thinking about some man taking a brick to a 9 year-old girl just makes me sick.
So I thought I'd ask you, Reddit. What can or should I do? I need some peace of mind.
Some background notes: I am a 20 year-old white female in California. My kids are 5th graders, primarily Hispanic, and low income. I am not an official teacher or counselor-- just a college volunteer mentor. | Have heard MULTIPLE testaments from my 5th grade mentees that their parents abuse them. What can I realistically do? (that won't just be a bunch of useless paperwork that angers the parents more) |
t3_48nlms | relationships | I [17 M] think I missed my chance to go to prom with my crush [17 F] | To start off, I'm a senior in high school and so is she. So, we have prom this year and there were a few people I was thinking of asking. I'm not super popular, but not unpopular by any means, kinda in the middle. So I was sitting at my table in math which included me, my crush, one other girl that is a friend of my crush, and 1 other randomer. So in the middle of class, my crushes friend (we'll call her Kate) asks me if I'm going to prom. I say I was not going to prom yet because I do not have a date. Kate then tells me that my crush wants to go to prom with me. So my crush is sitting right next to me and starts blushing and looks out of the corner of her eye at me. It got kinda awkward and I choked and said "I don't know... I want to hear it from her I guess". The only reason I said this was because I was not sure if she was kidding or not, so I didn't want to embarrass myself. The teacher called everyone back to attention and it hasn't been brought up since (this was 2 days ago). So, I'm wondering, did I miss my chance to go to prom with my crush? Thanks! | Friend of crush tells me my crush wants to go to prom with me with her present at the time, things get awkward and I choke. Did I miss my chance completely to go to prom with her? |
t3_10ab1u | AskReddit | I'm a non-single guy who wants to "wingman" for my best-friend. What are your suggestions for helping to pick up women? | Back story is as follows:
I am a married man, but my best friend is the most single man I know. I want to help him find a woman or at least boost his self esteem by helping him get a number at the least.
He has only had one meaningful relationship in his life, and he has trouble meeting women. He isn't the most social type and he's kind of nerdy looking haha (tall, lanky, glasses, etc).
I have been out of the dating game for the last 5-6 years and I want to help him, but I've never been a good wingman. I'm looking for suggestions to help him get a conversation going with ladies at the bar or other social events, more than the "Have you met Nick?" game. | What are your best wingman tips for guys who are just trying to help a friend without having to sleep with the chicks friend? |
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