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t3_3w4v50 | relationships | I [20 F] am scared about a post I saw on here | Ok reddit so I saw this post recently about the guy who proposed to his girlfriend and she said no because of the fact that they have never said "I love you" to each other.
It kind of worries me because I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we haven't said that to each other yet either. Is that weird?
I showed him that post and asked him if the thinks it's wired or if it scares him and he said no because he is taking things slow. I understand that but scares me that I might fall in love with him and he won't feel the same way back or the other way around. I'm also scared that if two or three or however many years later and we still don't say it or feel that way? What then? Most people say it within a couple months. I guess I've been thinking about that also because one of our mutual friends have already said that to each other and they've only been together since this summer. But I'm willing to wait for my boyfriend and this relationship.
He said I look in the future a lot and think about "what ifs" too much. And I do, I can't help it. It's exhausting but I can't help but worry about that sometimes. He was in a relationship with his ex for two years and they said the "L" word within months. My ex and I said it to each other in a year. I don't want to compare these relationships but it kind of brings me down sometimes. Why was his ex love worthy and not me? My ex also has a new girl and said it to her within months. I'm completely over him but why are people having a hard/long time to feel that way about me? I don't want to victimize myself, but I can't help but feel sad about this. I don't want to bring myself down and I know I have problems with my self esteem, and I want to fix this. It's something I've been working on but any additional advice?
I've been in a really bad place so I would very much like advice or words of comfort right now. Be honest, but please try to bot be too brutal. | boyfriend and I of a year and a half haven't said "I love you" to each other yet. I need help on my self esteem and stop competing and comparing myself to his ex. |
t3_xokvi | relationship_advice | I(29F) am in love with my FWB(28m) we have been 'seeing each other' for about a year.The best piece of advice I've been given is to get pregnant.help me!!! | Backstory: we met on a dating site. legit dating for a month or so, once we started having sex, it became only sex. recently,he has stated that he likes his independence and isn't really looking for a girlfriend. we meet up at least once a week. typically he picks me up, takes me to his house,we talk, have drink, make with the love, then cuddle up and watch tv till he gets sleepy and he drives me home. he is gentlemanly, and sweet.other than my never sleeping over, he treats me like a girlfriend.its confusing. other than his lack of commitment he is everything I've ever wanted in a guy.
I've talked to friends about what i should do and they all say they don't know. then there is my aunt, who is 40 and a dumb blonde that lives on planet plastic tits. she told me to get pregnant and 'snatch that man up'. I'm loosing my mind cause I've thought about it, but **i could never do that shit.** but this is all the advice I'm getting so i turn to you reddit. wtf do i do? | fwb treats me like a girlfriend, I'm falling for him, he doesn't want a relationship, blonde succubus from planet fake tits telling me to get pregnant. |
t3_1c1w61 | dating_advice | I've had a lingering thought sitting in the back of my mind for the past several years, and it's returned with a vengeance. [20M] | Since I was a young teenager, I've had this thought sitting in the back of my head: I'm going to date one person and marry that person.
Before I go any farther, let me state that I've been on many dates before and I've been in the "talking stage" a lot, but that's about as far as it has gone, prior to recently.
A wonderful lady has come into my life, but I didn't develop feelings until last Fall. (Despite it being in what some would consider not socially-acceptable circumstances -- meeting online.) Though nothing is labeled, we're pretty much a thing. Any free time we have is spent talking with each other. It's been incredible getting to know this girl over the past year, and this gut feeling of only dating one person has recently pushed its way back to my mind. (I completely forgot about it until I first became friends with her.)
You see, I've had a ton of these sort of thoughts/feelings that sit in the back of my head for ages, and it ends up coming true. (For example, I kept ignoring this very dark thought that 2011 would be awful, and sure enough, both of my Grandmother's passed away within a matter of five months of each other.) I know none of this makes much sense, but am I crazy for thinking I can end up dating just one person?
I don't want to jump the gun with it, nor am I trying to *make* myself believe this will come true with her. It just sits there, and I can't help but feel it's there for a reason. Out of all the girls I've had a fling with, nothing has been as natural and easy and *right* as it is with her. | I've had a gut feeling for years that I will date one person and marry said person. Is this weird that I could possibly be putting myself in a box, or should I follow my instincts? |
t3_1b72jb | AskReddit | Medical question | Hello! I'm a 22 year old male that was recently diagnosed with Syringomyelia. I decided to reach out to my fellow Reddit peers to ask if any of you know someone with Syringomyelia? Also, for those who do know someone or is someone with Syringomyelia, how do you/they cope with the constant pain? Before I forget, I have also been diagnosed with spinal myoclonus. Also unfortunate, I have a crack running down my spine from C3 to T8 with a diameter of someone's pinky. Essentially, I was wondering if Reddit could help me with anecdotes or with personal advice concerning Syringomyelia, spinal myoclonus, or both. I have Googled both, but I was wondering if anyone here could share.
Thank you for your time,
caralhogrande | I have a spine and spinal cord issue and I was wondering if anyone here could help me with stories or experiences with dealing with such issues. |
t3_2wraj9 | tifu | TIFU by hugging the wrong grandma. | This happened a few years back when I was like 12 or something. I didn't discover reddit until some weeks ago so I thought of sharing this with you even if it's not a big fuck up.
So this happened in a small village in Greece where I come from. The people there all know each other and are friendly. I however don't feel that open with them because I lived in the city and wasn't there very often.
However, one usual Sunday winter morning, I went to the church with my mom and grandma, wearing a big white fluffy jacket.
The thing about grandmas in that village is that they ALL look basically the same; short with short hair, black clothes and skirt to under the knees and gray hair. So when the liturgy was over, we all got out of the church and I realized I lost my mom which I later found out she was talking to other women she knew. But I also lost my grandma.
I started the search for my grandma. After 5 mins of searching, I got a bit confused when I saw her talking to one of the famous families in that village (which included their son who was my crush). So I step forward in a very good mood to join their conversation since my grandma was there. I go from behind and hug, saying in a very goofy and childish way;
"Damn, I look like a big snowman in that jacket, hahaha!"
The look that followed me after that poor old lady turn her head to see who was goofily hugging her was so embarrassing. She was not my grandma. And I had just embarrassed myself in front of my crush. They all looked at my very weirdly like I was a stupid 5 year old.
Worst thing is I was totally frozen then and there that I didn't know what to do, I really became a snowman. I didn't know if I should leave without saying anything or stay and say sorry and start a small conversation. So I did what my brain thought was best; stay and not say anything looking like a total idiot. | Went to the church with my grandma and mother. Lost my grandma outside the church, found the wrong grandma and hugged her saying I looked like a big snowman. |
t3_nqquy | AskReddit | Grandmother raised me, Argues constantly. Advice needed. | Sorry for any errors, this is being typed on a phone.
Here's a back story:
My father left when I was 6. My mon wasn't stable because she had my older brother and I. So my grandmother moved in to help. She has practically raised us. My brother is almost three years older then me. Into our teen years my grandmother didn't know how to accept us growing older and changing. I noticed that when my brother tried hanging out with friends she would critize them and get mad. they fought/argued a lot. I notice he would get so mad that he would get in her face and she would smack him. he would smack back. it went on till he moved out after he turned 18.
I turned 18 on December 23. since he left I have had problems with her. I'll do something nice and get told, "you didn't mean it nice," (implying selfishness) the same when I say I'm sorry. She will bitch about anything. Even when its her fault. she thinks she's never wrong. Its pretty bad.
We fight all the time.
Even when its not about my boyfriend (who I've been with for almost two years) she will bring him into it because she doesn't like him. It pisses me off. | grandmother raised my brother and I with my mom when my dad lefr at 6. Aound teens, she doesnt accept us changing. |
t3_4fu74o | relationships | I [23F] just met my boyfriend's [26M] family and realized I slept with his brother [20'sM] last year. | So this is kind of awkward and I don't really know how I should proceed.
I met my boyfriend "Eric" a couple of months ago through mutual friends. We went on a date and really, really hit it off. We have been dating ever since and things are going great!
It was his birthday yesterday, so he asked if I wanted to join in on his birthday dinner his family was having for him. This was going to be the first time I was meeting them, so I accepted. We met his family at the restaurant last night and I met his parents, sister and brother. When his brother introduced himself to me, I realized he was someone I had a one night stand with last year. We never exchanged numbers or anything and both knew it was just going to be one night of fun.
I'm sure my face gave everything away and he immediately blushed but said "nice to finally meet you" and didn't allude to anything else. The rest of the dinner went fine and after we left, Eric said that he could tell my family really liked me.
This is definitely kind of awkward and I'm not sure if I should tell Eric that I slept with his brother. It was definitely way before I had ever met him and Eric doesn't have social media so I didn't know there was any relationship between the two of them.
What do you think I should do, Reddit? Eric's brother didn't say anything but I could tell he recognizes me. Should I come clean to Eric before his brother does? | I met my boyfriend's family yesterday for the first time and I had a one night stand with his brother last year. Should I tell my bf? |
t3_3zf5vd | relationships | Why do I [29/m] care so much about being in a relationship vs. dating exclusively with this girl? [29/f] | Am I just worrying about semantics? I've been dating this girl exclusively (on both ends) since late October. I broached the subject of what she sees me as in mid-December and she said she wouldn't call me her boyfriend yet, "sorry if that's not the answer you wanted." I played it cool because, as I said, we are exclusively dating.
I'm thinking it's just my own insecurity in wanting to call her my girlfriend, maybe? Labels seems to trivial to me, so why do I care so much? I'm nervous to broach the subject again because I'd rather match her level of interest rather than 'chasing' too much, because I've definitely chased girls away in the past.
Maybe I should say something like "So to you, is there a difference between dating exclusively and a relationship?" Or should I leave it alone? | Should I worry about dating exclusively, but not being in an 'official relationship', or is it semantics? Should I bring it up, or play it cool until she does? |
t3_3ehik2 | self | Left a job a hated, and now I am feeling worse than ever. But at least i'll be a father soon... | Hey reddit, I've messed up.
I've worked as an IT type person for the last few years, and I have recently screwed up my life. I was working with Apple in May, and decided to quit, as I was unhappy. It was a call center type of environment and I worked at home. I was just miserable. I was making 36,000 a year, and spent more money than I should have and didn't save up any before I quit. Fucking stupid right? But I thought, hey, I can make this work, I had a few clients at the time doing some side work and just wanted out. I have worked at mostly Staples and best buy as certified tech and a repair agent; but Apple so far has been my high point of my employment. Since May, things haven't been so well. I have been able to find a few clients, but not too many. I have applied and applied for jobs, and even am trying as hard as I can get to get back to where I was with Apple. Something even funnier is that my thought of being a 21 year old with nothing to lose as well, just changed. We have just realized that my girlfriend is 6 months pregnant. Holy shit. She is supposed to be infertile (she had cancer when she was young) but somehow, there is a kicking little baby that is going to pop out of her before the end of the year.
So I am panicking. No one seems to want me for employment. Even fucking grocery stores. I can't seem to see a bright side to my current career situation. I am not sure where else to turn, or what else to do. Suddenly everything has a deadline, I am over my head with debt, and now I am about to have a child. These last few months been life changing, and I am not sure what is going to happen next or what I am going to do. I am very excited to have a child, but ashamed at my current situation and that I have 10 dollars in my bank account... | I hated the best paying job, quit without another one lined up and can't find one. Also turns out I am going to be a father by the end of the year. |
t3_2sskyf | personalfinance | where should i stash my aging parent? | love mom. but... she is unhappy with her move to our area...
facts:
1) she moved from a warm climate to be near us for her grandchild's sake. unfortunately, she cannot afford a detached home in our area and refuses a condo/townhome so she had to buy 2 hours away.
2) $600/month mortgage, $117 payoff, $180-$200k value, no property taxes due to age and maybe $1,200ish coming in a month and $5-20k in bank…sorry, I do not know but am guesstimating, poorly I'm sure
my brain hurts trying to figure out the best plan going forward. she seems so miserable being so far but we can't do much to assist. she has no spouse or other children so we are it. we also don't expect much to be left to us and have no idea how her health will be later on (she just turned a spritely 68).
thoughts i've had:
1) combine loans and purchase something large enough she could live in (with us). downside, i'm not living with my mom for the next 20 years.
2) and this is where a more financially savvy person would come in to play.... if we could purchase something with the expectation that she would *rent* from us, would that benefit us down the line? if, essentially, her only willed item would be the property she owns, and who knows where or what that property would be worth…does it make sense for her to cash out now, get something of higher value but in 'our name' and help us 'pay it down'? (am i reverse mortgaging moms?)
i'm sure there is more info needed to help anyone help me with this. i tried formulating an excel spreadsheet but that glass of wine was more appealing to tackle. | i love my mom but i can't buy her happiness. if you do anything, read "thoughts i've had #2" and tell me if that's a poor direction of thought. |
t3_4ksdqf | Advice | I received my B.A last year and am now considering a career in firefighting, am I moving backwards? | Greetings Reddit,
I earned my B.A. in business administration and marketing last year. While in pursuit of my degree, I realized that I was still unsure of what direction I wanted to take my professional career. Fast forward a year later and I found myself in conversation with a few firemen who were discussing the joys and perks of their job. I found the integrity, pride in their work and overall happiness in their job to be very enticing . I have made steps to enroll into a college fire program nearby and during my counseling session, was informed that academically, I am moving backwards. (BA > AA)
My initial interest for the job was because I come from a middle-class, suburban area with very novice experience in using my hands as tools. I wanted to be comfortable being uncomfortable. I would be the first in my entire family to do something like this (Filipino-American). I spent the last year performing community service doing various tasks which involved landscaping and cultivating the land. I found this to be therapeutic and very enjoyable which is why I made efforts to join a firefighter program. In relation to my degree, I felt that a career as a FF would be far more rewarding than anything I could have attained with a business degree. Am I setting myself up for a more difficult life, financially and in regards to wanting to have a family? Thank you for your time and consideration. | Earned my B.A degree. Want to be a firefighter for the integrity and physical/mental demands. Having doubts because of low pay and chance of family problems. Advice? |
t3_14cjm4 | AskReddit | How do you use your shampoo and conditioner? | My gf and I were taking a shower and she began questioning me about my methods of using shampoo and conditioner. Her question: "Why do you mix the shampoo and conditioner together in your hand before applying it to your hair?" My response, "Because I don't feel the bubbles in my hair using conditioner alone." Am I the only person who does this?
Also, what is the correct amount of shampoo to conditioner to use, and any other potential showering shampoo/conditioner techniques you guys use? Any recommendations on quality hair products. I'm a guy and enjoy having nice soft hair who never uses gel or hair spray. I'm very concious of my hair quality, volume, shape, etc. I've been a lifetime Pantene Pro-V user. My gf says it's the worst but I swear by it. Am I wrong? | Gf asked me why I mix shampoo and conditioner before applying to my head. Anyone else do that? Your favorite product/techniques? I use Pantene Pro-V. As a guy I am particular about my hair. |
t3_2b5vxj | relationships | How do I [27 F] ask my boyfriend [29 M] to not be so clingy without hurting his feelings? | I am in a relationship that is currently a LDR (we've been talking and seeing each other for years, made it "official" in name about a month ago). When we are together, we are fine. He is the sweetest guy I have ever been with and I'm happy. But we're in two different countries now and will be for awhile, and I feel like he constantly blows up my phone with How are you and I love you's. He wants to talk or Skype for hours, and I love him, but I would be happy with just catching up at the end of the day and I love you's before bed. It wouldn't even hurt my feelings if we didn't get a chance to talk for a few days because of life. Also, when we Skype, he asks me every few minutes what I'm looking at on the computer and if everything is okay (if I get quiet for a few minutes).
Lately, we've been Skyping for hours every evening, but last night I told him I was going to play Skyrim when I got home and we talked only for a half hour. He was openly disappointed that the call was so "short". I don't like feeling constantly chained to my computer or phone and try to explain this, but don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm afraid if I bottle it up anymore then I am going to bite his head off soon.
Any advice? | LDR boyfriend blows up my phone and gets sad when we don't Skype for hours. How can I help make him more independent until we are together again? |
t3_yq5qn | relationships | Some days I can't stand my SO | Okay, so my SO and I are in an LDR, but this post seems more appropriate for here than /r/longdistance.
She is 25 and I am about to turn 31. We have been together for a year and a half, and are well out of the honeymoon phase of the relationship.
We chat quite often, and overall have fantastic conversations, but once in awhile she will go into story mode and tell me about her woes with customer service agents. She ends up on the phone quite a bit calling about her cellphone, internet, and most often, with her job. She almost NEVER has good experiences with customer service, and at first I lent a sympathetic ear and listened to her problems, but it quickly became apparent to me that she doesn't get anywhere with call centers because she is a total bitch to them as soon as she doesn't get her way.
I am REALLY tired of these conversations, and how worked up she gets during them. She comes off as if she expects me to be as indignant as she is, and I just can't summon the energy to fake it. I have great skills on the phone and know exactly how to talk to people to get what I need done, so I see exactly where the problem is. But she doesn't.
What she does see is that, sometimes when we are talking, I get all quiet and "morose and gloomy" and it drives her crazy. I know it is a point of discontent between us but I haven't figured out how to solve it yet. Sure, the long-distance part doesn't help much, but even if I was right there it would still be an awkward and difficult conversation to have.
Any advice on how to bring this one up in a constructive manner? | How do I give my SO the "dear honey, you are a bitch to everyone on the phone" speech? |
t3_26xf9m | relationships | I'm [22 F] not too sure if my boyfriend [21 M] of 7 months is being overly jealous or if I'm just overreacting. | Let me just preface this by saying that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship approximately six years ago.
I started dating the guy I am currently with around seven months ago. Overall, he's a really great guy and I can definitely see myself being with him for a very long time. I'm his first girlfriend.
I find that he often gets jealous of people when they talk to me, even when I don't initiate the conversations. On Twitter, for example, if I post a random tweet and some guy favourites it or comments, he's always asking who is this, how do you know him, did anything ever happen between you two? etc. Sometimes, he will even find something to make fun of this person for.
Today, I accidentally sent a text that yeah "yes I would" to him and after I apologize and say it was meant for someone else, the first thing he does is go, "who was that meant for?" When I asked why it mattered, he asked why I was getting so defensive.
So basically, I have all these little red flags going up but I'm not too sure whether I'm overreacting just because of my past and he's just being a curious guy... or if he's being overly jealous and/or controlling.
I've tried to explain to him that I don't really appreciate all the questions as they make me feel like I'm being interrogated, but he still asks me stuff like this all the time.
He knows my ex used to go through my texts, FB chats, emails, etc. and how violated that made me feel... and he says he would never do that. But the way he's reacting to some things reminds me of my ex and it makes me think that he may eventually end up going through my things.
What do you think? | My boyfriend is acting pretty jealous of some stuff and I'm not too sure if I'm overreacting because I have been in an abusive relationship before, or if he really is being controlling. |
t3_3oidrb | relationships | Me [17 M] and my gf [17F] of one year have the opportunity to live together during college, should we? [Relationship] | My gf and I (1 year) just visited one of our top schools together. We both want to go into engineering, and we both like this school and its program. It's close enough and far enough from home for us both to be happy with, and we've both been accepted.
We visited today to explore housing options, both on and off campus. Everything was going great, we liked what we were seeing, but eventually we came to off campus housing. She and I are talking to the sales lady and she asks us if we will be living together.
Neither of us realize what she means so we just look at her funny. She asks again, and we both flush saying we don't know. We conclude the discussion, thank her for her time, and leave. Now neither of us can stop thinking about the possibility. We want to, but her family probably won't support it. Should we pursue this option, or drop it completely? | GF of 1 year and I have an opportunity to live together during college, her family may not like it, but we do. What should we do? |
t3_qmo07 | AskReddit | My Significant other has significantly changed in one year. My feelings are changing and I am distressed. | Reddit I need some help. I am using a throw away account for obvious reasons because I know that if he saw this he would be really sad.
I am engaged. My fiancé and I have been together for two years. In the last year he has gained almost 100 pounds and seems to have lost his motivation to stay fit and healthy, and also attractive.
I would like to think that I am not a very vain person. I don't mind some extra poundage and comfortable clothes at home. I do not always even wear makeup and have perfect hair most of the time. I am worried because his weight gain is affecting our ability to go out and have fun.
He has physical side effects from the weight gain and has bad leg pain and is often tired. He also eats a lot and mainly spends his free time sitting on the couch or on his computer.
He refuses to buy new clothes and his pants have rips in the butt/crotch area. His t-shirts are too tight, too short and his gut hangs out. As sad as i am to admit this, I am embarrassed sometimes when we are in public.
I try to stay fit and healthy myself. I ask him to go on walks with me, I bought us new Yoga gear and an elliptical. I do not mention his weight or physical appearance and try to be loving and supportive and make being healthy more about what I want to do, and tell him I think it would be great to do these things together.
Reddit, sometimes I look at photographs of us when we first got together. i was so physically attracted to him and our intimate life was the shit. We have had sex once since December 2011.
What can I do? I love him, we have a good life otherwise and he is my best friend. I definitely do not want to leave him, but maybe there is a better way to help him get his sexy back.
Any suggestions? | Fiance has gained 100lbs in one year,and doesn't take care of himself and I am losing attraction to him and need advice on how to help him get his body and confidence back in a loving respectful way. |
t3_4ixfhq | relationships | My new coworker [29M] and I [20F] had sex and now he wants nothing to do with me | I started working at a new job last week. Everyone there is a lot older than me except for two guys, who are 29 (well one is 29, I assume he other guy is around the same age). They invited me to hang out with them at lunch the first day and since then we've gone for coffee and food together every day since.
One of the guys, the 29 year old one, offered to drive me home Friday since my house is close to his. We went to his house, had a few beers and had sex, it was amazing and it seemed like he was really into me, he couldn't stop staring at me or touching me. Afterwards he was going out to see his friends and dropped me off at my house and freaked out because he saw that I lived with my parents. Like he didn't get mad at me but he was like "holy shit." And then Monday he asked me how old I am and now he seems to want nothing to do with me. So now I feel like I've lost the two friends I would have had at work. He definitely told the other guy there too, they are best friends and I think they tell each other everything, and the other guy seems to be avoiding me now too.
What can I say to him to fix it? I really like him and even if he doesn't want to be with me, I want to be his friend at work. I do feel like the sex was really good and he was obviously into me so it seems pointless to not do it again. Thoughts? | I had sex with my coworker and he enjoyed it but now isn't into mee because of my age and he's not talking to me now |
t3_1whhs8 | relationships | My [20 M] relationship with my SO [19 F] is dead after nearly 2.5 years. Need advice. Should I end it? | My girlfriend and I have been together for around 2.5 years now. Our relationship has gone from amazingly perfect to completely mundane and boring and even slightly annoying.
We got together in summer 2012 and everything was perfect. We got on so well together as we were both into photography and cycling. We'd spend most of our time out on our bikes or at her house.
When I started university in September of 2012 I moved in with my Dad who lives 15 miles away. This is where the relationship began to break down. We would only see each other once or twice a week as opposed to 4-5 times a week when I was at home. We would argue all the time over silly things.
I moved back home around May 2013 and our relationship is not as bad as it was when I was away but it is far from as good as it was during its high point. We now argue 1-2 times a week and she shows little to no interest in me. We rarely have any intimate moments even when I blatantly ask for it. For example, I was at her house around two hours ago, I was lying on her bed and she was sitting up watching TV/using her phone and I directly asked for a hug and she said no.
I often ask her what she has been doing whilst at college and she'll give the vaguest response and i'll have to ask another 3 questions to find out exactly what she has done. If I ask her this in the car when I pick her up from college we'll almost sit in silence the rest of the way home after i'm done asking the questions and she will just go on Instagram. Also, the morning after she has slept over at my house as soon as she wakes up she'll grab her phone and open up Twitter or Instagram.
I genuinely feel like she's looking for a way out of this relationship. | My relationship has gone from amazing to crappy. We argue 1-2 times a week and she shows little to no interest in me. We rarely have intimate moments anymore and I feel like she's looking for a way out. |
t3_m2312 | AskReddit | Real opportunity to affect debate - protect ip act | Long time lurker. Yes, I'm a lobbyist. I welcome moderators to verify me. If you can figure out who I am, please don't dox me :) I'm on your side. I have no idea how to trace this crap but have a feeling some readers do.
Point of clarification: my practice does not focus on technology issues.
Reddit exposed me to the Protect IP act. +Karma to all. Usually I'm here to check out videos of cats and occasionally read other interesting links and political news. I'm not positive who it was, but someone posted a link and comment about a "grave bill" that would detrimentally alter the openness of the web. I have not yet read the bill (Protect IP); energy is my game and I loathe doing things that resemble work in my spare time (read: cats!).
From what I understand, the bill is garbage and entirely alters the open-platform of the web. It is a power shift of control that swings too far to media giants.
I just got back from dinner with a few friends from Capitol Hill (staff members, not voting members and senators) and I asked them about Protect IP. They haven't heard anything about it. I told them the bill is rotten, foregoing due process and giving moguls the power to shut down hosts.
Their interest was piqued. They want me to submit a letter explaining why their bosses should vote against it. Why? because its tangible, and they will use it to convince other Senators and Congressman to vote against the bill.
Reddit! I am offering free services to give you "lobbyist" access to decision makers. I need to have a single page letter ready to give to them. You can do this.
Rules:
Single page.
No lies or misrepresentations - I value my reputation as an honest lobbyist.
I need to reference materials submitted. MLA and APA are for college, not the real world. Hyperlinks work.
Wikipedia is not a reference. | Want Congress to kill Protect IP? I'll use my contacts on Capitol Hill to kill the bill. I need tangible evidence that the bill is junk. |
t3_499u4y | relationships | I [23F] am on a fast track to a relationship with a new guy [25M] and am unsure of how/when to tell my ex [23M] who's not doing well. | Long story short: mutually ended an 8.5 year relationship 2 months ago, but my ex now wishes we were back together. I haven't faltered in my decision and have no desire to get back together, but things are amicable between us and we still talk a bit. We are connected on social media, which is a mistake, but it would raise his suspicions if I delete him.
I started seeing a new guy about 3 weeks ago and we aren't officially together, but we're incredibly compatible and will probably be exclusive/official within a week or two. I'm confident it'll last and isn't just a rebound, so no worries there. While we aren't "in a relationship" a lot of people already know we're pretty seriously involved.
My ex went through serious surgery 2 weeks ago (all went well), but it has a long recovery and he's in a lot of physical pain right now. I still really care about him, and don't want to make his current situation even worse by breaking the news to him before I'm publicly with the new guy, but at the same time it seems disrespectful to let him find out indirectly.
The new guy and I are pretty anxious to start an official relationship. My ex and I don't have many mutual friends, but we are in the same city and word gets around so it's already a bit risky, and once it's official he'll surely find out. What would be the best timeline for telling him/starting a relationship, and how should I go about telling him?
Thanks. | Ended 8.5 year relationship 2 months ago, getting seriously involved with a new guy and want to make things official. How/when do I break it to my ex, considering his life situation is currently pretty shitty? |
t3_34zed8 | relationships | It bothers me (21/M) that I pay for my girlfriend (21/F) anytime we go out | My girlfriend and I have been together for a few months (we are in college). Since the start of our relationship I've always paid for the food whenever we go out, whether it's a sit down restaurant or fast food. It didn't really bother me at the beginning of our relationship because I thought that's what men were supposed to do but it's really started to annoy me.
It especially annoys me because I have a job and she doesn't. When I'm working she's in her room watching TV. She also a certain amount of money from her parents each month. I don't even really know what she does with it. Maybe get food for herself or buy clothes. It doesn't seem right that I'm working my ass off in addition to having my classes and she's watching TV. I feel like she should at least offer to split the bill but she hasn't once. It seems weird to me that I'm working to pay for her dinner while she's sitting in her room and gets me to buy her food.
Honestly we don't go out THAT much but I am pretty broke right now and the basic idea of what's happening really annoys me.
Am I wrong? Is this how gender roles are supposed to be? This is my first relationship so it's new to me.
If I'm not wrong, do you have any suggestions about what to do or say to her? | I have a job and my girlfriend doesn't. I'm paying the bill whenever we go out even though she gets money from her parents just for surviving another month. |
t3_2u43ss | tifu | TIFU by not paying attention at the cash. | This is a minor TIFU in the grand scheme of things, but it's still making me laugh.
Earlier in the week I was shopping at the little family-owned grocery store nearby, and I brought several items to the cash.
The owner gives me the total and I thought that he said "$4.25" so I gave him a five-dollar bill. He then says: "Do you have 25 cents?"
I think that he's asking me this so that he can give me an even dollar back in change. I am quite sure that I don't have a quarter on me, so I reply: "No, it's OK thanks."
The owner kind of looks at me funny, and says: "OK Kangar, you can get me next time."
I am confused by this answer so I look at the cash and the amount owing was actually $5.25. | Store owner asks me for the quarter I owe him, and I solemnly reply: "No, it's OK thanks." |
t3_4z22dq | relationships | My boyfriend [28m] speaks one love language: gifts. I'd [25f] prefer any one of the others. Are we doomed to incompatibility? | He doesn't really apologize if he's ever late. He just buys me something to make it up to me, which causes him to be even later! I'd rather have him keep our date sooner. A simple sorry or explanation is enough to put the matter to rest. I don't need restitution for my time!
The way he told me he loved me for the first time? He had it engraved on a bracelet and dropped off. It was very sweet that he put so much effort into it but it was a little disappointing not to hear and see him when it happened.
It feels a little... cheap that so many of our emotional moments are treated like a transaction on his end. I'm having a good day and want to go to the park and watch a romantic sunset? He spent half the time trying to convince me to let him take me shopping and play "sugar daddy" and the other half sulking because I said that it made me really uncomfortable to spend his money like that.
While we've been dating he changed jobs and is making a *lot* more now. I understand, to a point, he is enjoying spending and likes being able to be generous but it makes me feel awful inside knowing he doesn't really have savings and a clear, worry free financial future. I feel like that should be his priority right now, not splurging on me so he doesn't feel bad about not being there for me as much as he used to. | boyfriend paying for my affections turning me off, should I just chalk this up to irreconcilable differences or is it ok to ask him to try to change how he expresses affection sometimes? |
t3_1b5ixf | relationships | My girlfriend (18) told me (18) about her sex life and I don't know what to do. | I might be asking the wrong subreddit. Long time lurker and first time poster so I apologize on any mistakes I make. My whole life I have been with girls that are virgins because the thought of someone being in there not scares me but kind of disgust me. Recently, I began to date this girl, 2 months now, great girl but has been with other guys (3) Yesterday, she told me on how she messed up and how she cheated on her last boyfriend. She gave me details on how it happened and is now stuck in my head. So whenever we do have sex, I always end up thinking in the back of my head on how she did stuff with other guys. Do girls feel like this too? Was is sorta messed up she did that? | My girlfriend told me about her sex life and is now stuck in the back of my head. What do I do? |
t3_3iyvhd | offmychest | I feel inferior to my girlfriend. | A little background about me first: I'm very insecure with myself and have incredibly low self-esteem due to my father verbally abusing me a lot before he left when I was 13. So this is probably going to sound stupid but here goes.
A few months ago I asked one of my best friends out, and she accepted .We've been dating for three months now and everything is perfect. She is probably the sweetest person I've ever met, and is incredibly attractive. I love her so much, but I can't shake the feeling that I shouldn't be with her.
She is naturally smart when it comes to all core classes (English, Science, Math) except for History, which I'm pretty good at. She's never gotten lower than a B in any of her classes, and will probably end up going to some amazing college. She is an incredible artist and has a wonderful singing voice. She also had to deal with an alcoholic father just like mine, she's the only person who I can seriously talk to about this kind of stuff. All of my other friends really don't understand any of it.
I'm just averagely smart, I'm not as nearly as attractive as she is, and sometimes I think that the only reason she said yes to me was just to be nice. I know that isn't true but sometimes I think it anyway. My mother is bent on me doing good in school, which she should be. But she compares me to my girlfriend a lot in terms of how smart I am to her. It's really not making me feel any better about myself. | I should be thinking "I'm dating a smart, attractive girl, good for me". but I fee like I shouldn't be with her at all due to self-esteem issues. |
t3_4m4q2l | relationships | How do I[19f] tell my parents [late 40s m/f] that I can't afford to come home for 3-4 weeks | I am in college and in a few weeks my summer classes end and I don't have class till fall. I work full time in fast food and I make about a grand a month doing this. I recently bought myself a new car and gave my little brother my old one so my parents are paying for the insurance for helping them out. My car payment is high because I got a little bit of a nicer car and my credit is eh, high for a 19 year old tho. I didn't get a co signer or anything.
My parents want me to come home for like a month or so, and honestly unless that are willing to pay my car payment I can't come. I know they can't afford that tho because they are constantly borrowing money from me. My brother owes me 600 right now and my dad asked to borrow a little money and I look in my account and he borrowed $950! He paid it back within days but still. My dad owns a business, has since before I was born, and it has slowed down a lot, his main source of work is constantly late on checks, I am talking 3 weeks to 3 months late, so when he asks for money I know it is going toward food or stuff for my family so I am fine letting him borrow.
Anyways, how do I tell them I can't come down. They are a hour and a half away and as long as my schedule stays the same I will be able to come like once a week. Thinking of getting a second job for a few months just to get a little saving up again. They are expecting me to move down after fall semester and do school down there but I am planning on staying and maybe moving in with my SO but everything is up in the air. I just don't know how to talk to them about this or well anything. | How do I tell my parents I can't stay home for 3 weeks and that I love them but I just can't do it without going broke. |
t3_1p0n4u | relationship_advice | My girlfriend (20/F) and has very low self-esteem, and I (24/M) am looking for ways to make her happier. | Just to get this out of the way, I'm a 24M, and my girlfriend is a 20F. We have a happy relationship and I don't intend to break up with her, but I'm looking at the best way to help her because her mood is affecting her livelihood and is starting to bring me down too. I'm a recent grad school graduate and she's completing her undergrad in university.
She claims not to have self-esteem, and genuinely thinks she's ugly, not a good person, not smart and not a good girlfriend. I truly believe that she's all of these and tell her that I think she's great whenever I can. However, whenever I tell her I think she's beautiful, she either responds with "nooooo" or "you're lying." She's a very shy and reserved girl, which I'm not trying to change, but I'm trying to find ways to boost her self-esteem and haven't been having luck recently. While it doesn't affect our relationship too much, it upsets me to see her like this. More than half the time she's upset about something, and let's little things like her getting older, or the way her hair looks in the morning. She's also told me that she sometimes won't leave her room on certain days because she doesn't think she's pretty enough to face the world. It's not as though she isn't pretty, she is extremely cute and doesn't have any bad features. The only thing I can think of is that she isn't extremely skinny, but I like her the way that she is.
Anyways, I'm just running out of ways to try and boost her self-esteem. I'm just looking for some creative things to try, or some tips from people who have been in similar situations. She's just a very shy and stubborn girl who is very wonderful to me, I just want her to feel better about herself more often. | My girlfriend rejects all my compliments, has low self-esteem, and I'm trying to find ways to boost her confidence and at least start accepting my compliments, even if she doesn't believe them yet. |
t3_3jname | relationships | I [19F] think my brother [24M] is trying to make me look bad. | I don't know maybe I'm paranoid or something, but I can't seem to shake this suspicion. Alright, I guess I'll explain the story a bit more. My grandfather owns a local restaurant, but wants to pass on the resturant to my father. My father does not want the restaurant so he and my grandfather agreed that either my brother or I will take over. I don't want to take over I want to be a dentist. My brother on the other hand really wants to take over. I told him he can take over because I don't want too. For some reason he didn't believe me when I told him and told me he's onto me or whatever the hell he thinks I'm doing.
I don't know if I'm just having the worst luck right now or if he's purposefully making me look like an idiot in front of everybody. Here are a few things that happened this recently.
1) I had to pick up our little sister from school. I left my house and tried to start my car only to find out the back tires deflated . Granted they are pretty old I don't think they just popped. I took a closer look when I went to change them and noticed a cut on each of the tires. I live in a pretty sketchy neighborhood, and stuff like this happens often.
2) It was my uncles birthday and my mom asked me to take out the cake from the fridge. The bottom of the box was really oily for some reason and I dropped the cake.
3) For some reason my grandpa has been really hostile towards me. He keeps mentioning that he doesn't trust devious women. He has never acted like this before I don't know where this came from. Maybe age....????
A lot of other minor things like misplacing things, forgetting information, etc. I don't think I'm really that careless I try really hard to keep track of things I'm supposed to do. I asked my brother and he told me I'm insane. You think I'm insane? | not sure if I'm insane or my brother is trying to sabotage me so he can take over the family resturant. |
t3_3b5vkb | needadvice | Made a bad decision with my mother, ruined my vacation. | So, I planned out a week-long vacation, seeing sights, going to Pride, meeting people, having a great time.
I realized one of my mother's long-time friends lives in the area I'm vacationing to, and so drunkenly one night I call her up and ask if she wants to come along. She is excited, and says yes.
Well, I don't want to disappoint, so I get her all set up so we're on the same flights and everything, but only one hotel room, whatever, she'll have the option of staying at her friends house (was discussed ahead of time) and it won't be that bad.
So, we flew out together, and she's been nagging but no more than usual, like a mother does. Then her friend, last minute, tells us she got a job which will keep her busy, which bugs my mom. I'm just trying to get set up for the rest of the week.
So, we go to bed for the evening and my mom's snoring problem has gotten excessively worse - full sleep walking, talking, louder snoring - sleep apnea. And she of course didn't bring anything for it.
So I'm posting this. I left the hotel room I paid for to sleep in the rental car I also paid for. She said she felt bad, but there's really nothing to fix it right now.
What can I do? | planned a weeks vacation for me, thought it would be nice to spoil my mother and bring her. Her nagging and snoring are making it unbearable - and it's only night one. |
t3_3iioba | AskDocs | Secondary lactose intolerance. Or: "Giardia Ruined Me" | In need of some real advice here, I hope there's someone out there who can help me.
Back in February I picked up Giardia. It sucked. I took the meds to get rid of it pretty quickly, but have been suffering ever since - particularly when it comes to dairy.
Having spent countless hours on the internet reading about stuff, including 'leaky gut syndrome' or whatever (which apparently isn't a real thing? I don't know what to believe anymore) I started taking zinc + vitamin c supplements for my immune system, fish oil for omega goodness, and L-Glutamine. I also cut out caffeine for a while.
I really started feeling a difference, and after about 3 weeks I reintroduced caffeine with no real effect on my digestive health. Then, my L-Glutamine supply ran out. I was feeling good, even ate some cheese that I wasn't able to handle before - I was totally fine.
On the road to recovery! Or so I thought. Seems like there may have been cream in a curry I ate last weekend. Had *horrible* IBS-D for two days, and have been cramping and bloated after eating ever since.
Two steps forward, three back.
Anyone got any tips to help me here? Will I ever feel normal again? | Giardia infection 6mths ago. Still lactose intolerant. Is there anything I can do to recover? |
t3_kxi5v | cats | My two cats really hate each other, help! | It's been over a year since the new cat was introduced. We did it the way people advised us to, keeping each cat in a room, then swapping so they could get used to the other scent and so on.
From the get-go the younger, additional cat has been annoying the hell out of the older (about 5 years old), existing cat.
Initially the younger male wanted to play and wrestle, the older female didn't want to, and hissed and growled and ran away. We didn't reward the behavoiur and tried to make it clear that it was not acceptable - but I'm used to communicating with dogs, not cats, and I don't even know if my efforts are futile or not.
Now, the younger male actually stalks and pounces, purposely trying to piss the older female off! She is just as pissed as she was 12 months ago and it takes only the sight of the male to get her growling.
It's getting to the point where our poor old girl would rather sit outside in the yard than come in for cuddles and risk having to deal with the little boys shit. | young male cat 'hunts' the older female cat. older female cat growls, hisses, hides, runs and is generally miserable. |
t3_t2cj1 | AskReddit | What was the most idiotic thing you did when it would have been easier and healthier to sit out? | This morning, I woke up, did my morning work/jobs around the house. I then proceeded to scarf down a large amount (several bowls) of Honey Bunches of Oats. After that, I stretched and went for my morning run. I sprinted the entire mile, developing an insane cramp in my side. Afterward, I went to a large party in a roller skating building. Not wanting to be the odd man out, I put on skates and went skating for three hours, with a painful cramp. Afterwards, on the way home, my brothers an I stopped at a QT. There, I got a 32 oz Pepsi and drank it all in about 3 minutes. After that, I went home and threw up in the toilet. | I ate a large, unhealthy breakfast and then exercised for several hours, and then drank a large amount of soda and went home and threw up. |
t3_4gouj9 | dating_advice | Trying to get something serious out of a brief hookup.. | So I met someone through Tinder and we had originally planned to go out for drinks. Plans changed and she decided that she was more comfortable with me coming over and having a few drinks there at her home. I brought over some rum and we played "I've never" and "higher/lower" until we were pretty well drunk. Then we watched Netflix for about 4 hours until we were just laying there which lead to us messing around which lead to sex. I had to leave pretty early after we finished (as she's an hour and thirty minutes away from where I live) so we didn't get to relax/cuddle/whatever afterwards, but I did manage to get a kiss goodbye and I left the rum to which she said "you'll have to come over again since you're leaving the rum."
Now I'm not one for hookups/one-night stands. In fact, I'd much rather be in a relationship than anything else at this point. Truth be told I get so ridiculously caught up in whoever I'm seeing that I tend to overthink which leads me to self sabotage - something I've tried working on but to no avail.
So here I am, over thinking a hookup. I don't want to believe that she planned it (as I was the one to initiate just about everything), but I just can't shake the feeling that because we had sex the first time meeting nothing serious may come of it. | Met someone for the first time, had sex. I'm looking for something serious but tend to overthink things. Not sure if anything serious can come of a brief (maybe intentional/maybe not) hookup. |
t3_2z7179 | relationships | My (21/M) mom (50/F) always calls me to vent because she is divorced and has no on else to talk to. Starting to make me depressed. | Gonna make this short. My mom divorced my dad because my dad never talked to my mom, he would be gone all day at work, sleep, then go back to work. It was a bad marriage. She goes out on dates now (she's really good looking for her age) with a bunch of guys who just end up using her. She vents all of her problems to me and it is starting to weigh on me because of college and other problems that I have.
I just got off the phone with her and she thanked me for being there to listen because all of my other brothers seem to "not care" when she talks to them. What do I do? I get depressed when I hear of all these problems how my dad isn't paying child support so she doesn't have a lot of food for my siblings back home, or how guys keep blowing her off, etc. I just want my family to be okay and it is hard to function when I hear all this depressing news from my mom. I already had a mental breakdown a couple weeks ago and I ended up calling my ex cause then I needed someone to vent to... | What do i do if my mom keeps calling me and making me depressed with her problems? I wanna be there for her but its affecting me now.. |
t3_35gn3h | tifu | TIFU by trusting a scammer on Team Fortress 2 | This was about 4 or 5 weeks ago but I'm so fucking pissed about it, but I'm sure I'm safe because I used up the stuff that I trade-offered the guy. But, let's begin.
So, I was looking around for a Strange Scattergun, I can't remember what I was going to use it for but who cares. I went on and finally found a trade that involved friending the person and trading it there. I liked those kind of trades so I decided to accept and see what this guy's all about. 5 refined. Fair enough, big price for somebody like me because I never trade as often as I did before in Team Fortress 2 and I lost all my crap before. So I friend the guy and ask for the scattergun. I trade him and he accepts, and here comes the trade. He adds the scattergun, I add the refined, and I accept the trade. If you've ever traded before, you hear about the new system where you get an email sent to you before you trade all your items. Well, this guy I'm pretty sure scammed me (in a way) by not accepting the email and unfriending me. So, I pretty much had the chance of losing my refined at any time. But I spent the refined so I'm pretty sure I won't lose it. | I traded for a Strange Scattergun and the person didn't accept the trade offer email thing and I'm bound to spend refined at any time. |
t3_2sa2hd | relationships | I [17M] fucked up everything with my gf [17F]. We lasted 7 months but she "needed to be alone". | So we met in may, we both fell in love with eachother and I asked her out in june. Everything was running fine all summer, until september came up. We both had to go to class again, and we couldn't talk all time like we did the entire summer. So I really missed her, I needed her (I had an operation and she was the only one that helped me out), and we started having problems.
Right after my operation, I started to be very jealous. She didn't do anything for me to be jealous of, but I wasn't confident in any of the guys that were talking to her. I started to be paranoid and I tried to control myself thinking she wouldn't do anything wrong or cheat on me or anything like that, but when I couldn't control myself anymore I started to ask her things, everytime I wasn't sure of something I asked her about it.
She ended up feeling too controlled, I made her feel like she had to explain everything to me. I made her feel useless and I feel so bad for it right now. I don't want to do this to her anymore, and I want to be with her again, but I don't know how to make her think about that.
We broke up a week ago, and we are "friends" now. She says she still loves me, she says I like her alot, but she has to be alone for some time. I talked to her about it, I really told her that I could change, that I can be better than before, but she doesn't want to feel bad again. And I don't want to make her feel bad again because of me thinking all the wrong things.
I don't want her to be my ex. I really need her in my life, although I'm still young and I shouldn't say that, but I feel she is perfect for me. | My gf broke up with me because I'm jealous and dumb, and I want to change that, but I don't know how, and I don't know how to make it start over again. |
t3_gp9zk | jobs | How do I go about getting an entry level IT job with no real experience? | I'm a fairly recent college grad who hasn't really had much luck figuring out what I wanted to do for a career. I have a B.S. in psychology, but I've decided to get into the IT field. I'm getting ready to take my A+ certification exam and I've spent a lot of time with computers so it's not all just memorization without skill.
That being said I really don't have any qualifications or experience in the IT industry aside from building my last 2 computers, multiple Windows installs on those machines, and I think I'm decent enough at troubleshooting problems. So how do I go about finding an entry level job in IT (low level help desk, PC tech, etc). There are only 2 or 3 PC repair shops in my area besides Best Buy and I know there are many companies around the area that have larger IT departments but I don't know how to go about calling one of these places up and convincing them that I would be a good candidate since I have no previous experience. I know that A+ will help, but I don't have it yet and I want to start looking for a job now rather than in a few weeks when I can finish the test.
So if there's anyone out there who works in IT could you give me some pointers on what I should say or include in my resume / cover letter to talk myself up? What are IT departments looking for other than people who aren't complete idiots? Is there anything else I should become familiar with beyond A+ to start out? | Working on my A+, what do I do or say to get an entry level IT job (help desk, PC Tech), what are they looking for? |
t3_3k2w1w | relationship_advice | [18/m] trying to restore friendship with my [18/m] friend who is dating my ex [18/f] not too long after we broke up. | So this is a bit of a long one, and I'll put the question up before context: How do I be a friend to my friend who I can't trust anymore?
So in August me and my girlfriend of 6 months split, and I got the message that there was a chance we'd get back together after exams. Unfortunately I'm not a trusting person at times and got very jealous after I saw her hanging around with my closest friend.
However this friend for the last 4 years I had been encouraging constantly to follow his heart, take whatever chance he could get and regret afterwards, enjoy first. I TOLD HIM ALL THIS.
Flash forward to late August, and I was getting really suspicious of the two, so I confronted them. Unfortunately for me I was right, but instead of blaming them I broke down and constantly apologised for the way I treated them recently (ie I was a dickhead).
These last couple of weeks have been me adjusting to the situation and I can admit I've been struggling, as I still have feelings for my ex.
My hope is to re-build my relationship with my friend (and in a way, my ex) so that way I can show him that even though I am angry at him for what he has done I accept it cause it's what I've taught him throughout our friendship.
But I have no idea what to do because everytime I see him he's with her, which makes me jealous and angry and means I have to leave them alone so that I don't hurt anyone.
Yeah I'm a bit stuck. | Broke up with ex, best friend dating her, angry at best friend, want to be best friend again without interfering in relationship. |
t3_12oc71 | relationships | My gf (21F) of 8 months broke up with me (21M) and i don't know if I should move on. | Over the past 8 months, my gf and I had a great relationship. It was the best start to any relationship I have ever been in, both of us shared this feeling. Over this past weekend, she informed me that her ex bf had contacted her two weeks ago and it had brought up old feelings she had. Although she has no intentions of being with this guy, she says it is unfair to me and that we cannot be together any more. Our relationship went from great for 8 months straight to just over in one day. Should I just move on or keep fighting for this? | GF of 8 months broke up with me because her ex bf contacted her and made her realize she was not completely over him. Should I give up? |
t3_3ko1xh | relationships | I've (18,M) realized I don't want to continue my line of education and my mom (49,F) will be devastated/possibly disown me. | So I've started College in the hopes of becoming a police officer, the first few days seemed alright. Now I've started to realize I don't think this is the correct line of work for me and continuing to pay for this will not be a good idea. I've yet to tell my mom about this however.
Last year I started college for something different and realized it wasn't for me. If I were to go to my mom with this for the second time she'd probably kick me out of her house. I do want to go to college, just for something I'm truly passionate about. What should I do? | I started college and realized I don't wanna do it for the second time, how do I go about telling my mom? |
t3_12cmt3 | relationships | Woman from my SO's past wants him to be the father of her kid... | Okay. Lots of info to put out there. Ryan(29), my(24) SO, obviously has had other women in past. Yesterday he got a bunch of texts from his ex(25) saying that he's the father of her daughter... He has not seen her or anything since she cheated on him. When she had gotten pregnant, she told him that it was definitely not his and she had been cheating on him for a while now. She packed up her bags, left the state and got married to the father of the baby. He calculated her due date and had determined that there was no way the baby could be his. He was out of town around the time of the baby being conceived.
Now she's texting him and emailing him telling him he needs to step up and be a father... I'm sitting in the background like WTF?! We've been together for a year and a half and I knew about this situation when the baby was born. He showed me her picture and questioned if she looked like him.
Anyways, Ryan has just started a very successful business and I think she might just be after his money (child support).
Huge ninja | woman is trying to get my boyfriend to be the father of a child that already has a dad just to get out of the marriage. What can we do? |
t3_1wfjfu | relationships | I[25 M] hooked up with my GF's[21F] best friend/roommate[20F]. I've been having feelings and told her friend last night. | Me, my GF, and her best friend celebrated my GF's 21st birthday last year around this time. We all got very drunk, and my GF passed out, and we dragged her up the stairs. We made it to 3rd base, but I was very whiskey dick, otherwise we would have done the deed.
The day after her friend and I talked about went on, and nothing has happened since then.
Recently, I've been thinking about that night a lot, and thinking about my GF's friend, sexually, and emotionally.
I really do love my GF, but she's talking about moving in with me, but she barely has enough money to support herself as is, and I have this terrifying feeling that I'm going to become a permanent crutch for her, and it makes me feel very apprehensive about our relationship.
My GF and I get along very well emotionally, and sexually, and generally we communicate very well, but I haven't been able to tell her what happened, and how I feel currently.
Last night I decided to send a lengthy message to her friend about how I felt, and how I wish he had told my GF, since I felt I had to get that off my chest. I haven't heard from her yet, but I guess I'll see what happens.
I'm just wondering if I'm insane or not. I feel like what I did was very perverted, and I'm not sure what I want to do with my future in terms of relationships. | Hooked up with GF's best friend, been thinking of her best friend for nearly a year, recently told best friend how I felt about her. GF rooms with best friend. Am I crazy? |
t3_2lp5tx | relationships | Me [22F] went on date, what do from there? | I went on this date with this guy let's call him Bob and he is older than me. I am really interested in getting to know better. I thought at times we had great conversation and at times there was bit silence. I know for sure I get a bit shy. and I was nervous. So I don't know if I should wait for him to make the first move or maybe I can send a witty text telling him in a way I had a nice time without being forward. Idk. I need advice! I feel if he enjoyed the date he would have said We should do this again sometime or send me a text saying he had a nice time. I went on this date last night by the way so it hasn't been awhile. | Should I wait for him to make the move or should I send a text of some sort saying I had a nice time. |
t3_10qr16 | relationships | Finally entered a relationship with the man of my dreams and now I am afraid my self-esteem issues are going to end it. | I am a 23(f) dating a 26(m). Over a year ago I met my now bf. I immediately wanted to date him. But he was talking to someone else and so I had to wait. Since then we both dated other people and subsequently ended the relationship. While dating the other guy I would think about my current boyfriend all the time and even thought about him to get off in the bedroom. Once we were both single I started heavily pressuring him to date me. However he did not reciprocate the feelings. After a month I came to find out that he did not want to date me because he thought that some health conditions I have would affect our children, which they will not. After discussing this and two months or pressuring he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. Now, even though I have the man of my dreams, because of how the relationship started off I feel like I am never good enough for him. I ask him to just say how he feels about me but he is an introvert and doesn't express his feelings very well. However he does assure me that he wouldn't be in this relationship if he didn't want to be and tells me I am a good girlfriend. He is the best boyfriend I have ever had and treats me wonderful and is so caring.
I know this sounds childish but I thought if he were to send me a relationship request on facebook then it would squash these feelings of inadequacy so I hinted numerous times to wanting to be fb official. However he never goes on fb so I finally gave up today and sent him the request, which he accepted. | How am I supposed to get over these feelings? I don't want them to get in the way of my wonderful movie perfect man but I cant seem to get over it. |
t3_2yuavs | Advice | How to deal with neighbors that may be neglecting their toddler. More in comments. | Hi /r/Advice
I really have no idea where to go with this. It is such a weird situation that I hope you can help. I apologize for the long story.
Around two months ago, my boyfriend and I started waking up to our neighbors toddler crying and screaming. We figured maybe he hurt himself or had a bad dream. So, we ignored it. The screaming started getting worse over time. After 3 weeks, the kid would scream and cry on a daily basis for hours. Some days he starts screaming at 7am. We can hear this kid scream every morning in our bedroom. We both haven't had a good nights sleep for months.
We have told our apartment management multiple times about this. Explained to them that my boyfriend works late nights and I work and study from home sometimes during the day. They have reached out and contacted them. Each time they are contacted, it stops for a few days, and then starts up again. The days where it "stops", I can still hear the kid screaming on the other side of their apartment.
It has gotten to the point where I think the kid is being neglected during the day. I have seen his older brother (who i would think is about 9) knock on the door and say, "its me", to what sounds like a little kid opening the door.
I have lived with my sister when my nephew was in his toddler years, and I have multiple friends with kids, cousins, etc... I have never heard a kid cry and scream so much every day. The shrill screams can be heard throughout the apartment hallways. The screaming fuels my anxiety and I am honestly scared for these kids.
I was advised by one of our maintenance people to start calling the cops on them when it happens. Apparently if complaining doesn't work, they need police documentation to proceed with anything further.
I know this is long winded, but I really need advice. For my mental sanity and for the kids in that apartment.
I am going to pre-thank you for any advice. | neighbor kid possibly being neglected by parents. screams all day. Complaints to apartment management haven't fixed the issue. should I call the cops? |
t3_1it630 | relationships | I'm [22M] slightly freaking out and being anxious after having sex with a girl [23F] | Hi,
A bit of background story. I'm 22 and I got dumped by my GF of 4 years a few months ago. I'm definitely not over it but I'm doing much, much better than I was before. Before her I had one short relationship and hooked up with a few girls, but that's all.
I had sex the other night with a girl who I had flirted a bit with the last few weeks. It just happened, we both didn't really plan to have sex with the other but once we got in bed (originally just to sleep) we started pretty fast. It was pretty great, we fucked all night and it was a real confidence boost because I was a bit worried if I'd be good enough in bed after 4 years with the same girl, but apparently I was.
The thing is, the next day I started having some kind of general unpleasant feeling (mostly anxiety, but also guilty, disgusted maybe, I don't know) whose origin I couldn't pin down. I have a few hypotheses/thoughts but I just can't find which one caused the feeling.
It could be because I feel guilty for having sex with her for the wrong reasons: confidence boost, just had a boner at the right time, reassurance that I am in fact a glorious sex god, etc...
It could be because for the last 4 years I only had sex with a girl I loved and when I slept with this girl I had sex with her in the same way I had sex with the girl I loved so I have the impression I gave her the wrong idea about what I felt for her and it's freaking me out.
Really, I have no idea what's happening, I'm not asking any specific question, I'd just like your opinions on this. | I [22M], recently out of a long term relationship, hooked up with a girl and had sex with her and I'm now feeling anxious and I don't know why. Thoughts? |
t3_2n2hc1 | askwomenadvice | New partner (F24) has troubles enjoying penetrative sex but is willing to experiment. Advice for me (M28)? | I'm aware it's not uncommon for women to have trouble achieving orgasm through penetrative sex. I've only had one partner before and luckily for both of us, it wasn't the case. But now I'm dating a new woman and she doesn't seem to find it pleasurable.
I mean, not only she won't orgasm, she seems to actually feel "meh" about it.
Her own explanation is that she still doesn't know her body very well to know how to enjoy it. Since my previous partner was exactly in the opposite situation (fully in control of her own pleasure) I never went through a phase in which we both discovered together what kind of moves she enjoyed; I was just explicitly shown... For many, many years... So I basically became a specialist in this particular person.
Although that was super cool, now I have no idea how to proceed with this new girl. The biggest problem is that she also has no idea. Not surprisingly, what worked with my previous partner, has no effect on her.
I do not base my pleasure in penetration and neither does she, of course, but I can clearly sense that she's getting frustrated, even though she has enough orgasms through other means when we're together.
I know that the best way of finding out is just spending time together and exploring, which we are both willing to do, but I was wondering if anyone here went from not enjoying penetrative sex at all, to actually like it, and is willing to share her/his experience with me so I get some external ideas. | Partner is frustrated cause she doesn't enjoy penetrative sex. How can I help to make it better for both of us? |
t3_24fjvn | relationships | How do I befriend a girl at the gym? | Hi. I am an extremely ugly guy who is a little pudgy (my ideal weight would be to drop 12-20pounds). I have pretty much 0 female friends. I can easily befriend girls online but in person i'm awkward and it's difficult.
I know she'll think I'll try to flirt/date her but I really just want female friends and perhaps be set up on a blind date with her friends or meet her friends and make my social circle bigger.
The girl I want to befriend is extremely hot (i'm too ugly for her, everyone probably hit on her, etc). I bumped into her twice. The first time was midnight at the gym where I said I'm sorry i walked in on you (cause no one else was there), so i want to say hi. Then i said i was new and if there are typically ppl around this hour.
The 2nd time was 14hrs later at 3pm. I said "Hi <her name> right?" then i pretty much ignored her and finished my workout.
I'm not a smooth person
Anyway I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to make small talk or ask her questions. I'm thinking if i can i should make a comment about something like how she brought her own padding for a piece of equipment and i notice he had her notebook everytime. I kind of want to ask her if shes following a program or put together her own routine but idk how to say it and it feels like a small talk question that may not be interesting.
Also I think about WHEN to talk. She was in the middle of reps when finished a set and I was about to start a set (so i did) when she finished a set. I rather walk over when she can see me and it isn't in the middle of her reps.
I have no idea what i'm doing | Wanna befriend a girl at the gym. Dunno how. Can't talk about form/weights/whatever like with guys. We don't do any similar exercises |
t3_3n83xb | tifu | TIFU by underestimating the power of ketchup | OK, so this was not actually today, but back when many ketchup bottles were transitioned from glass bottles to plastic bottles with a squirt cap. Not the diner kind, but the one that closes up again after you squirted some of the ketchup out, presumably to form a seal to prevent contamination or something. So, I'd say, this took place sometime around 2000.
So, I was opening this new bottle and had just removed the little plastic foil under the cap, screwing the cap on again. I remember distinctly that it was one of the hotter variants of Heinz. I was intrigued by the new cap and, pressing the bottle slightly while it was sitting on the table, I hovered over it to see how a little ketchup gets squeezed out. I didn't even lower my head much, I was hovering at maybe 30 cms from bottle to face, looking down.
Turns out, you have to put a little energy in to open up the "valve", meaning the experience was a lot more "binary" than I expected. Nothing was happening, so I squeezed a bit harder.
This is when I basically got hit in the eye by quite the stream of hot ketchup.
And it burned. How it burned. The pain. | my hot ketchup bottle ejaculated hot ketchup into my eye because I somehow felt like squeezing the bottle while looking straight at the nozzle from what I assumed was a safe distance. |
t3_4z22pg | relationships | Me [24 F] with my boyfriend [28 M] of 1 year, I want to know how many women he has had sex with | I was 23 when I met my boyfriend and I was a virgin, and had very little experience. He is 4 years older than me and he never disclosed how many women he has had sex with. I asked about STD's of course. And the closest intrusive question Ive asked him about previous sexual experiences, is if he has ever had a threesome, or been with a man. He said no to both of these. But what I find so unfair is that he knows that he is the only person I have had sex with, and yet I don't know how many girls he has had sex with. I know I shouldn't ask because everyone says its not good to know/whats the point. But its really unfair, because its not equal. Do you think I can ask him or would that be crossing the line? I want to know but I feel like it can be self sabotaging. | Was a virgin when met my boyfriend and he knows he's my only person, but I don't know how many girls he's had sex with. |
t3_m07xk | dating_advice | Girl has postponed date twice. | I(M/20), a civil engineering student at a small private university, asked one of the few girls in engineering (F/20), a systems engineer, out on a lunch date and she said yes. But a day later she tells me she can't make it Friday cause she has to give a tour to some prospective systems engineering majors.
So we postpone it to next Friday as long as she doesn't have to work again. So Thursday comes and I ask her if we were still on for Friday and she tells me she has to work again.
An hour later, I text her that since she seems busy on Fridays that lunch on Sunday would be better and if she can't do that then maybe next Friday. She texts me back that she has to go to the open house on Sunday and that she already has plans for next Friday. She says she's really sorry she's busy and that she doesn't think this is going to work out.
I text her back that I understand she's busy so she could just let me know whenever she is free and the maybe we could plan something for that time cause I don't want to give up without even giving it a try. She still hasn't texted me back. Am I being too pushy? Should I even keep pursuing this? | Girl has postponed date cause she's really busy and now the date is postponed indefinitely. Should I keep pursuing this? |
t3_1mpzbf | relationships | How do I [18m] tell my girlfriend[17f], that I've fallen out of love with her, in a nice way? | I've been in this situation for a long time, and I don't think I love my girlfriend anymore. I can't describe it, but I really just don't feel I love her anymore. Whenever I'm with her I don't have the heart to see her cry, and I do feel somewhat happy, but the second she's left my house, or I have left hers, I feel like I don't want to be in this relationship anymore.
She asked me last night if I've been thinking about breaking up, but as the coward I am, I told her that I had not been thinking about it.
How do I tell her that I don't love her anymore, in a nice way? Help me please reddit.
We both turn 18 in 3 weeks.
We have been together for first 4 months where I broke up, then we found back together and we soon have 1 year anniversary (8. oktober) | How do I tell my gf in a very nice way, that I've fallen out of love with her, and that I don't want this relationship anymore? |
t3_1nvlcn | dating_advice | In need of advice on getting over anxiety about decision-making/commitment. | So to begin with, I'm 21, and the girl in question of this is 17 (18 in a few days, but 17 is legal where I live so that's mostly irrelevant.)
I myself have only ever had one other girlfriend, it was for a few months a couple summers back, and wasn't the most...structured or possibly healthy relationship. Ended amicably, but was a bumpy ride.
Anyway, on to the situation. We work together, and have for...close to a year now? I think. Anyways, she's sweet, and I've had people at work tell me I should try taking her out some time. I put it off for a while but finally asked her out to the movies (I understand some find this a poor choice, but it worked)
We had fun that night, talked almost the entire time (Movie notwithstanding of course.) A few days ago we had our second "Date" where I took her to the zoo, then some dinner afterwards, again, fairly nice and enjoyable.
But I've had this...niggling doubt in my head about going farther with her. I'm afraid of getting into a real relationship and finding that I don't /actually/ want to be in one, or that I'm not actually as into her as I think.
I've asked a few friends for advice, and it ranges from "Give it time and just go on some more dates and have fun, whatever happens happens." to "Literally kiss this girl immediately or she will get confused"
I guess what I'm asking about is, If I'm having these sorts of doubts or worries, should I just put a stop to all of it now, or is it alright (and unselfish) to keep seeing her in a fun, not-so serious way? | Casually dating/hanging out with a girl, having self-sabotaging thoughts about going further. Is it nerves, or might there be actual truth to it? |
t3_3368na | relationships | My (28M) have problems with ex (28F) that's too intellectual | My ex would like to get back together. I'd like to, ultimately, get back together. However, she follows the Rules aka "Why Men Love Bitches?".
Granted I was a dog in a former life. Something like the rules would have put me in my place then. Now they drive me away.
My ex is a decent person. I get the impression she feels there's a need to play games for me to want to be with her long term. These games include being flirtatious with other men, returning phone calls late etc.,
I would understand if I started off doing any of that. The fact is I didn't. I was head over heels for this girl. With each flirtation she chipped away my attraction and feelings for her.
My ex may have mild asperger syndrome. Her ability to pick up on social cues from her SO's are horrible. There's no internal dialogue, where she thinks of what I would want
What's striking is her knowledge of me. She knows how I tick. But has no idea about what I will or won't like.
I tell her time and time again trust and loyalty mean everything to me. I'm extremely practical. I know none of us are perfect. I want to be with someone I get along with. For a while she fit the bill. | I'm meeting my ex in person soon. Is there anyway to indirectly communicate to my ex to stop playing games? I like our meeting to go well. |
t3_47exo3 | jobs | Probable job offer may rely on conversation with jaded boss. | Wasn't sure how to word this.
I'm in an interesting situation where I just finished my second interview and blew it out of the park. They clearly like me, and openly admitted that they didn't even bring anyone else back for the second interview. I have adequately demonstrated that I have the tools and drive for the job.
Here's the issue. A recruiter reached out to me for this position and it is with a company that has a very very close business relationship with my current employer. I've been to their offices many times and even have semi close relationships in their engineering department. So I was initially concerned about stepping on toes or creating tension.
This company understands and they want the Transition to be as clean and up front as possible. Although I wouldn't be hired into the engineering department (I'm transitioning from engineering to training. So I'd work for the HR department) they're going to ask their head of engineer to discuss the move with my owner/manager/sale rep to make sure no ties with be stepped on. These two are very close friends and go way back.
My issue is, this owner doesn't like me very much. We've had an interesting relationship in that outside of work we really get along and discuss sports and life but inside of work he thinks I'm either
A. Incredibly unlucky
B. Lazy
C. Careless
I don't want to get into whether I feel it's justified or not, some of it probably is from some projects and others not so much.
My question is, should I approach him first about this before they have a chance to? I know I'm under no obligation to inform them that I'm looking for work or unhappy. But at this point the decision is being made for me and I wonder if I should initiate contact. | new job prospect will approach old owner on whether there will be a clean transition. I'm worried he'll say negative things even if that's not the purpose of the call. |
t3_4o5lnu | relationships | Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] 3 Months, Multiple unique? issues, some her & some me | Hey all,
So I recently started dating my girlfriend and everything has been great but she suffers from depression and insecurities so a few issues popup that she flops around on.
She is Bisexual which I'm okay with but I'm actually the first person that she's ever dated or been romantic with. So recently she expressed asked if it was possible to love other people too, also wondering if we could have a open relationship so she could experience what it would be like to be with other people( girls/guys ). But I said that I couldn't do that without being jealous and that we would have to break up to allow her to do that and that there is no guarantee that we would get together afterward.
I totally understand her need to experience other things but she doesn't want to break up with me to do that. I know that she deeply loves me, she definitely shows it, she just has a lot of anxieties, and insecurities about everything. She is fighting with what her parents want for her and trying to figure out what she wants. I should mention that she is on medication and seeing a therapist.
I just have no idea what the best course of action is. The problem is that we are going abroad together for a year in a month and I'm worried that we something is going to happen while we are abroad. | gf has a lot of mental issues and its making it hard for her to figure out what she wants. She wants an open relationship but I cant do that. |
t3_467bep | relationships | Me [28 M] with my ex-wife [32 F] together for 5 years, still socialising and can't properly detox. | Long story short - she's fallen out of love with me last year and the divorce papers is being sent in this week. There's of course a lot of what if and questions about why we didn't last. She still feels strongly for me and in many ways I'm her best friend. She has a new love interest that she will meet for the first time this weekend. (I know that this started after the breakup was a fact, they didn't know each other before then)
My normal way of handling breakups is to create distance, schedule a coffee six months later and give myself a chance to detox. I can't really do that this time around as her social circle is built upon mine, she was in a bad spot when we first met and went for a clean start in many ways.
I find myself hurting, wishing for a second chance, after every encounter with her. It doesn't help that now that the bomb is dropped and it's all out in the air our communication is better than it's been for a long time. She can be sincere as she no longer fears losing me.
I need help finding coping mechanisms that doesn't involve removing her from my life for 1/2-1 years while I detox. Things that doesn't involve evocing negative feelings about her. You got any suggestions? | Newly divorced, will still meet ex-wife in social gatherings, need help on how to fix myself without a true detox. |
t3_t3s0r | AskReddit | Please help me find this girl | hi, i met this girl in freshman year.She was a junior and she was the first person to talk to me on the bus.after going through a huge ordeal(family matters) i was at the point of giving up on life. Then came sophomore year and we sat next to each other on the bus alot. After talking to her,she gave me hope and my grades started going back up andmy life turned around. to me she will be the person who unknowingly saved me.To her im probably just the bus kid.
now i know reddit has saved lives before, but im asking you to help me find one. I know was gonna move to canada with her fiance.Her name was Sarah(pronunciation RA-Nay)Gilbert.If she got married it will be Sarah Hood.She went to Nevada union High school. | girls unknowingly saved my life, i want to repay her, but dont know where she is.name is sarah gilbert,maybe sarah hood |
t3_2n8d1c | relationships | I [26 M] am still waiting for my stuff from LDR with[20 F], what do I do? | We broke up in the begining of October. She had told me she was sending me some clothes and money (That was loaned) almost 4 weeks ago. I live in New York, she goes to school in Canada (by Buffalo). She had messaged me like once to see if I got my stuff two weeks ago and she hasn't said anything since. Should I even bother with this shit? I was thinking maybe she didn't even bother sending it, and honestly I don't feel like hounding someone for stuff that is rightfully mine, but then again I do want my shit back. I have been no contact with her, since the mentioned sending of stuff. | Was told my clothes/money was sent 4 weeks ago, still has not arrived. What do I do at this point? |
t3_518ypa | relationships | My [m/25] girlfriend [f/23] of four years gets upset with me over stupid little things. She is my first serious relationship, so I can't tell if this is normal or not | For example:
She just got upset with me because, while sharing a couch, I stretched my legs out when she got up. She claimed I was taking her spot or something. I moved, and after my mom left (we were waiting to say goodbye to her) she said I can "have my couch" and stormed off back to bed.
The other night she literally did not come to bed (stayed on the couch) because when I crawled into bed I pushed out big pillow to her side, rather than onto the floor. Somehow this insulted her into thinking...you know what I don't even fucking know, because if she would have "done that" to me I wouldn't of thought anything of it, I would have moved the damn pillow and went to sleep!
These aren't a very outbursts of yelling and stuff. She bottles things up, goes quiet and passive agressive.
I am guilty of immature shit like accidently tracking mud inside, and I haven't been doing much housework lately because I've been working so much. I am a landscaper, I work 10-12 hour days 5 days a week hard labor. She works part time in retail, maybe 2-4 days a week and only rarely 8 hour shifts. In my brain it's okay to leave most of the housework to her. I'm not trying to be a dick about this, I spend all day busting my ass and come home exhausted with just a few short hours until I have to go to bed again. If she has most of her time off, why can't she take care of that stuff? I would.
I only mention this because this MIGHT have something to do with things...but I dunno for sure...
For the record, she is not PMSing. It gets way worse around that time. | my girlfriend gets upset at me over little stupid things, and I don't know if it's normal. Feels like I'm walkin on eggshells, please help. |
t3_1sqbrr | relationships | I [F/30s] need some advice on how to communicate with my partner [M/30s, together 2.5 years] about my depression | He's a pretty "regular" guy. He likes cars, he is a news junky, he likes to hang and have beers with his bros, he doesn't express his emotions verbally very well and doesn't have much exposure to the sort of deep introspection and psychological (pop and otherwise) thinking that we Redditor-types seem to really like. Since English is not his first (or even his second) language and he is a theoretical physicist I feel lucky that he is as verbally expressive as he is. Which is not to say the physicists are unfeeling jerks, just that he hasn't really been trained to express himself verbally, either orally or written, and he does fall a but into the robotic stereotype.
So, having a girlfriend in a depressive episode is pretty terra incognita for this guy and having long conversations about how feels about it hits a wall pretty quickly. Since he is not going to go out and read every book and article about depression and having a depressed partner I need to sort of guide him through this.
For what it's worth, this is mostly (I think) a reactive depression due to multiple external stressors, not just something that is happening to me out of the blue. Most of the issues in my life have nothing to do with my partner or our relationship (family, health, and work-related, mostly), but some do. I don't really want to work on that relationship stuff with him right now because I am unable to distinguish what are "real" problems and what only seem like problems when perceived through the depression. Plus, I am not really excelling these days at taking constructive criticism. I am seeing both a psychologist for psychodynamic therapy (which works well for me) and a psychiatrist to start medication next week.
This being Reddit, I imagine that quite a few of you have been through a depressive episode with a partner (depressive types seem to gravitate here). What do you wish you had known? What do you wish your partner had been able to communicate to you? | Depressed girlfriend asking for tips and advice on how to help boyfriend with dealing with me and my issues from people who have been there. |
t3_1luw2s | relationships | I [20M] had a dream that's making me second guess my emotions with my current SO [20F]. | I recently had a dream in which I was single, met a woman, and 'fell in love'. This feeling was amazing and fit everything I've ever heard about the emotion. It was inexplicably, amazing.
Waking up, I depressingly realized I had never felt this way with my SO. I can't help but compare the feelings I experienced with the woman in my dreams, versus my girlfriend in real life.
Could this simply be infatuation, or am I really missing out on 'love'?
Can I compare emotions experienced in a dream to reality?
Should I disregard the dream and the emotions I experienced, or actually reconsider my current relationship? | I had a dream in which I experienced amazing emotions with another woman. Waking up, I'm now second guessing my current relationship with my girlfriend. |
t3_33s8t5 | tifu | TIFU by revenge-egging my neighbours | So I'm at uni, i'm 23 and i'm a first year, so I'm surrounded by 18yo's.
It was at 3am when i found myself, as i often do, sitting outside on the stairs that join our student flats in my dressing gown, smoking and watching some shit on netflix, as per usual. All is calm.
SUDDENLY two of the prank calling, name calling, egg throwing (female) neighbours come up the stairs, one stops and asks me for some of my smoke and when i refuse, tries to grab my hat off my head. AGAIN, for the millionth time like its still funny.
My response wasnt exactly gentlemanly and i'm not proud but i grabbed my hat back and pushed her into her flat, took her keys out of the door, threw them inside and shut the door.
Their response was to come out a minute later and try and antagonise me. I apologised for pushing and tried to reason with them. They appeared to get bored having fail to wind me up and went inside but not before throwing her llit cigarette on my laptop.
I let it slide and tried to chill. A minute later their door, which is close enough to touch, is opened and two eggs fly through the gap and hit my face and my knee. I see red. Before i know it i'm on my feet, through the door, chased the 2 girls down the corridor through the kitchen. They carried on and locked themselves in their bathroom. On my way through the kitchen i see the box of eggs. 4 left. I grabbed all of them, their bathroom door opened, 1 egg to her face, 1 egg into the bathroom. the door closes. Im already leaving, 1 egg onto the kitchen floor and the last i threw at the closing kitchen door as i left, didnt see it land.
5 minutes later and ive wiped all the egg off my face and my laptop when i remember that THEIR FLAT IS THE SHOW-FLAT for next years uni applicants and the open day is TOMORROW!!!
I could be in so much shit. | Was smoking outside. neighbour girls egged me. I ran in their house and revenge egged. Remembered their flat is the show flat and viewings are tomorrow. |
t3_1pr2i1 | relationships | Me [21f] with ex [20m] for 2 years. When does heartache turn to anger? Still waiting for it. | Dated my ex for 2 years. I truly poured all I had into it. The first year was good. The second was a disaster. Bottom line - he never deserved me. I was emotionally cheated on. He created dating profiles. I forgave him. He emotionally abused me quite frequently. Ignored me for days, weeks. I looked past it. I made excuses for him. He lied to me. I forgave that, too. I was a laying doormat that he walked all over for an entire year. I can't answer why or how. I just endured it.
He ended the relationship. He said that he wanted me to move on. His exact words were "I felt very strongly for you. But I don't miss you anymore. I don't have feelings for you anymore. Maybe we can try again after you date someone else if it doesn't work out. I don't know what else to do. Sorry, I'm just being honest". I recoiled. I didn't reply. It was over and I felt as though there was nothing I could do or say.
Since this relationship pretty much can't be fixed, I'm not looking for "relationship" advice. I want to know when the sadness turns to anger. It's been a month. I followed the "rules". I went NC. I went on dates. I exercised. I got my hair done. I got my nails done. I'm still sad. I've met great guys yet this idiot is still all I think about. When do I stop? How? I feel like bathing in acid trying to get rid of him from my mind. I know for damn sure he isn't thinking about me. When can I see him in the light he should be seen in? I know he's not coming back. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Show me? | I should be over him. He's pathetic. Yet, I'm not seeming to get angry or get past it. What does it take? |
t3_1bu9qv | relationship_advice | [18/m] I don't know if I just went on a first date or not, and now I don't know how to act on the "second date" | Hello, everyone!
I've been talking to this girl for awhile, and we've hung out several times before with other people, but we just recently got to hang out alone. We went out for dinner, but I didn't exactly ask her on a date. I more or less casually asked her if she wanted to go to this great pizza place she's never been to. But I picked her up, paid for dinner, walked her up to her house when I dropped her off, and we hugged, and everything felt really date-like.
Now, we have plans to make plans for two "dates" in the future. We've pretty much agreed to watch a movie or movies on at least one of those days. Not in a theatre though. Most likely her house because she has the movies on DVD (or blu-ray. I hope they're blu-ray. I love blu-ray.). So I'm not sure what to do when I get there. Do I sit with her? or just next to her? How close is too close? Obviously, we're not touchy-feely close. We've only been on one date that might not have even been a date! But maybe this would be the opportunity to get closer? I don't want to weird her out by trying to initiate some kind of contact, but I also don't want to give the impression that I'm not that interested by sitting away from her. I can't really just ask whether or not she likes me or thinks we've starting dating, so what can I do? | I don't know where this relationship/friendship is or where it's going, but I need to find out before I end up on another "date" |
t3_10xfuq | BreakUps | Can't get him out of my head. | I'll try to keep this as short as possible.
Been with my (now) ex-boyfriend for three years. He's abusive, neglectful and just all around horrible. He's been like this for nearly 2 1/2 years and I don't know why I stayed with him. Maybe it was the feeling of being in love and looking past it, I don't know. He has destroyed who I was and molded me into something I don't like. I'm depressed (taking medications) and I've developed irrational fears of the most harmless stuff.
And yet, I can't get him out of my head. I'm terrified of letting him go. He always calls and texts, which I'm stupid enough to answer. I've never really handled break ups well and I don't know how I'm supposed to really get past this in a healthy way.
I'm trying hard to keep away. Especially after tonight, he slapped me across the face hard enough to draw blood from my lip. It feels tingly and I worry it'll be a fat lip in the morning.
I don't know what to do at all.. He's stuck in my head and I'm being driven crazy over someone who obviously never deserved me from day one. | Abusive ex-boyfriend, can't get him out of my head. Need advice on getting over break up. |
t3_124phd | Advice | Girlfriend wanted to have a threesome with another girl while we were in Vegas ... | I'll try to keep this short. I was in Vegas on a work trip with my girlfriend (we work together sometimes) which also happened to fall on my birthday. She had been hinting to me that she may want to have a threesome with another girl but I never really got in to it for fear of it being a "trap". Anyway, while in Vegas we talked about without speaking in code to each other and one night while we were out she kept telling me to hit on girls. I really wasn't feeling it so I convinced her to go on the prowl for another female. She strikes up a conversation with a smoking hot blonde girl and things seem to be going well. Im half involved in the conversation but I keep leaving to go gamble and give them some time. My girlfriend brings tells her what's on her mind and she's totally in to it but she's married with a kid and says she used to do stuff like this all the time but really can't anymore. Totally fine. They end up kissing and kind of touching each other (we're at some trashy club, I guess it was acceptable). We leave and go back to the hotel and have fun on our own but the next morning my girlfriend is in a mood and not happy with me. I think she realized maybe it wouldn't be a good idea for us to bring another girl home and that she really didn't want to see me have sex with another girl (she told me at one point she wanted me to). Things were just a little weird after that and we were leaving Vegas the next day. I came back to the east coast and she went on to California to see some family. It gets even more complicated but at this point we're broken up. We live together and have a dog, we kind of started a life together but things were a bit on the rocks before Vegas too.
I'm sorry if this got a little confusing towards the end. I just had to get this story out of me. | went to Vegas almost had a threesome with my girlfriend and another girl. Girlfriend and I mutually broke up. |
t3_12bjyn | relationship_advice | [26/mf] What do you do when you have a great partner that you just can't imagine spending the rest of your life with? | My girlfriend and I have been dating 3 years. This is my only serious relationship I've ever been in. She is pretty, sweet, nice, caring, drama free, and likable.
The problem is that I just can't imagine her being the last girl I ever date. I feel a need to date/hook up with more women.
There are issues, mainly I feel like I'm the center of her world. She doesn't do much with her friends and I feel like I'm always trying to get time alone with mine. I'm feeling pressure to get married soon and I'm absolutely not ready for that. I also am bored with sex and want to be with others.
I just hate the idea of throwing away a sure thing. I know I could have a story book life with her. That just seems boring to me.
Most of all I hate the idea of hurting her. Having wasted these years of her life. Her family and friends will hate me. My family will probably be upset. I'll be alone and I'll feel like an asshole for hurting her. I'm sure I'll regret it instantly and want her back. I don't want her to be hurt...
I guess I'm looking for people with experiences in leaving good relationships because they just didn't feel ready or like they were missing something. | I'm not ready to settle down in a perfect relationship, but can't stand the idea of hurting her and give up on it. |
t3_2lkh8o | relationships | Me [21 M] with my [19 F] After 1 year of relationship i am starting to consider breaking up. | So this is my first serious relationship that lasted more than 2-3 months.
I have a nice relationship with her, we get along ok, but i always felt something was missing, we dont have a lot in common, almost no tastes in common, we just go along very well.
The problem , and i feel very bad for this, is that i am starting to get bored. She wants a lot of attention and we had discussions on this matter, but i cant give it to her since we have so little to talk about exept what we did during the day (doesnt help the fact that we see wach other just a couple of times a week because of studies).
I know she is in love with me, and she is very attached to me. i know breaking up with her out of the blue would probably break her hart.
But i also fear that if i wait to much and this little problems (not enough attention to her, little to talk about) become bigger over time, ending the relationship would be even harder.
Am i a bad person for considering breaking up? should i think about it more? She is a very nice person, she is very attached to me, but i am very scared that the lack of common interests would hurt a relationship in the long run... should i be or not?
oh, i didnt talk about our sexual life because is quite unexistant, even if we bot have a high sex-drive she still wants to "wait" (dont know how much). | starting to get bored of a relationship because of lack of common interests and difficulty of communication, scared to continue because this little problems could become big over time. Ending it would break her hart. Should i reconsider? |
t3_3rn5f6 | relationships | Is what I (f-27)am doing to my father (m53) really creepy ? | I desperately need some perspective and to get this off my chest. My parents have been married for over 30 years, with mostly a good relationship besides the usual bumps.
After a long spell of unemployment for my dad, my mom called me in distress a week ago and told me in panic that she suspects he's cheating, or at least trying to. I snooped into his email, (he's pretty tech illiterate) and found out he has a profile in a dating site!
There he talks to various women, telling them he's bored of his wife and looking for a gf! So here's the creepy part...I made a fake profile and contacted him. He took the bait and what has followed is more than I can handle.
At first I was livid and disgusted but now I'm starting to feel so terrible for him. He confessed (thinking i'm this random woman) that he's not happy, something is missing in his marriage, he is feeling connected to someone for the first time ever (me) and that although he loves my mom, she was never the one and if he could go back 30 years, he'd make another choice.
He is pushing for more contact and confessed some really personal stuff I never knew about him. I am heartbroken; my mom is a wonderful woman without whom his life would have been very different. She's given him everything, she could have done way better and this is what he does to her. He even insulted her a bit while talking to another woman, saying she's crazy and boring.
But I feel bad for him too, I didn't know this side of him and now I feel guilty for tricking him this way. I know it's unethical, I keep asking him things and he is telling me everything!
What do i do with what I know now? Do I tell my mom? Do I tell him? | I made a fake dating profile to catch my dad red handed.He took the bait and now I don't know how to handle it! |
t3_3vibim | relationships | Me [19 M] not sure how to precede with [21 F] | So I [19M] am a college student and am interested in a classmate of mine[21F]. I think she may like me but I am not sure how to proceed.
For example today we met up and talked for about 4 hours, I believe it went very well but for some reason I could not bring myself to tell her that I had feelings for her.
I think that telling her this a probably the only method I would have for furthering this at all because I have not explicitly stated or even hinted(in my awareness) at having romantic interest.
About myself, I am introverted in my planning but extroverted in my behavior (i wont plan to go out on the weekend but if i do wind up at some event I will be one of the more noticeable people in the room(I have been told that in a positive way). But I am extremely inexperience when is comes to relationships, I have asked one girl out when i was like 12 and she said no. So any and all advice would be greatly appreciated.
And if anymore information is necessary please ask!
Thanks in advance! | So really I have two questions: Is explicitly stating my interest the best course of action in this situation, and how best can you overcome the anxiety one faces prior to asking someone out. |
t3_2a47dw | relationships | I'm not a creative man, but I need to put forth reasonable effort for our 10 year anniversary. [35 M], wife [34 F.] | We live in Southern California (closer to Orange County than San Diego or Los Angeles. The anniversary is in August and my wife *really* wants to go to Cambria for a weekend. Cambria is:
1. Far
2. Expensive
3. But, we both like it
It's possible - and we can totally do it, but staying at the Blue Dolphin Inn is nearly $400/night. I don't particularly want to drop a grand on just lodging for 2 days. There are other places to stay, but she wants to stay there (we did a few years ago and it was fucking awesome.)
So I was thinking that we'd stay around here and find a better use for that money. Maybe stay in Newport/Huntington Beach and go to dinner and a show? Something that would be out of the ordinary - dress up, go out (especially out without the kids), but simultaneously, not be ridiculously expensive. BTW, we already have Disneyland passes, so going there is out. Something else to consider - timing. Timing is **not important**. We were discussing going to Cambria in September, so we can do this any time.
I feel like we've become creatures of habit - and we're losing that thing that made us fall in love in the first place. I want to do something different, go somewhere different, be someone different - just for a night. Now, I know that's not fair - you don't know me, and I don't know you. But I'm eager to hear some ideas. Even if it's something I'd never consider.
Lastly, we've been fighting an awful lot lately. The only time we aren't is when I'm at work, so I need to put quite a bit of effort into this.
Oh - not really looking for gift ideas. Would rather stay somewhere and go out, etc. | Not creative man has wedding anniversary in August. Ideas wanted. Will pay up to +1 karma per reply. Inquire within. |
t3_4aow2m | relationships | Do I F[19] really love my boyfriend M[21] if i don't cancel this sport event? | Some background information: my boyfriend and me have been dating for roughly 6 months. And until this moment I thought we were both completely in love with each other.
6 weeks ago he went on an exchange (plannend before we started dating), he left the country for roughly 6 months. The original plan for us was to travel together during our summer break. And that I would look into the option of visiting him during his semester abroad.
In the time period that we were going to travel together, I have to be in our homecountry for a position at a student advisory council. Plus my boyfriend thinks it will be quite difficult for him to gather the required funds to travel for +-3 weeks after his semester abroad.
Luckily there is still that option for visiting him during the semester when I have a short break. The flight is quite expensive ($600) and the flight time quite long (10+ hrs). The problem I'm facing is the fact that I have a sports match (once every 2 years, unique opportunity to meet al my friends in sports etc.) in the middle of this break. And the fact is, that I really don't like to cancel it. If don't cancel it, I can still visit him for 12 days, if I do I can visit him 18 days.
My boyfriends thinks that due to my choices our options are quite limited. He really wants to travel 18 days together, which isn't possible anymore due to the position at the advisory council and the fact that I don't want to cancel the sports event. My question for you all is: | Would you cancel something (a one day sport event that recurs every 2 years) you've been looking forward to quite a while, when it enables you to see your SO 7 days longer while he is away for 6 months? |
t3_471wkz | relationships | Me [26M] with my girlfriend [27F] duration for over two years | We met through work and started getting serious fairly quickly. After about 5 months we moved in with one another. Things were great, never argued but I didn't seem happy after about a yeah and a half.
I broke up with her because I thought she was to selfish and couldn't compromise with anything. I thought it was the best decision I made, I was happy ready to move on.
Two months go by with minimal talking and I agree for her to take me out for my birthday. It was like a complete switch in my mind after that night. I couldn't stop thinking about her and all I wanted was to get back together.
We eventually get back together taking things slow. It's been about 3 months and things aren't looking great. I have been doing nothing but trying to make this relationship work and restoring her trust, taking her out to plays, dinners, movies, surprise gifts, listening to her and consoling her. All while getting little in return.
I wanted to surprise her on Valentine's Day with a few things so we made plans to meet up after work, but she blew me off to get dinner with a friend and proceeded to get drunk without calling me after to tell me her plans. I explained my frustration and she felt really bad and had me come over the next day Where she had some gifts for me and a sorry note.
However this passed weekend On Sunday I noticed a text conversation open on her computer from a random number where they have small talk and plans to meet for some drinks. She even texted him at 3am to meet up. They didn't because he didn't respond and she apologized for texting so late the next morning.
Am I being dicked around or is she exploring. She treats me like her significant other when I'm around but I can't help but feel she is sceptical of me for breaking her heart once. | I guess my question is why wont she tell me her feelings and why would she treat me like her BF if she is not ready to be in one? |
t3_2wts3g | pettyrevenge | Pull a bait-and-switch on me? Enjoy your bad reviews. | A few years ago, my piece of crap car from high school finally broke down. I live in the Midwest, so you kinda need a car to get around. For a month, I had to borrow my friends' cars or bum rides to visit dealerships. Since I had to do this at other people's convenience, I did as much research online as possible - what (used) cars were available, how much they were, CarFax, etc.
At one point, I found a pretty good price on a relatively new, un-beat-up Civic. So I called up the dealership and scheduled a visit so I could check it out, then borrowed my roommate's car.
When I got there, I sat down with the dealer who had talked with me on the phone. After a bit of browsing their system, he turned to me with an exaggerated look of horror.
> Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. It looks like we sold that one a few weeks ago but never took it out of the system. So sorry to make you come in for that.
I was ready to believe that; who knows how crappy these dealers' sales/inventory systems are. But then, he kept talking.
> But you know what, if you wanted the Civic, we have a new car that's in the same class, and it's 2012. It's just $3,000 more.
Hold on. Trying to sell me a new car? And *just* $3,000 more? What the fuck is this? And why not check the inventory before having me come in?
Now I was pissed because he was laying on his full sales rap for this 2012 Nissan Versa (which is not a very good car, BTW). So I started my revenge by accepting a test drive, then pretending to negotiate, only to walk away. When I got home, I left bad reviews for him specifically on multiple sites, under multiple usernames. | Dealer has me come in to look at a car they sold a while ago, then tries to sell me a newer, crappier, more expensive car. I waste his time, then leave him bad reviews. |
t3_3vqfut | tifu | TIFU by going to work with the flu | A bit of context: I work as a swim coach at a local pool. While I can't comment on company procedure a great deal, let me start by saying it's typically easier to grin and bear any illness that might get thrown at you than it is to find a cover for any of your shifts.
So after coming down with the flu recently, I dose up on painkillers and decongestants and head in for one of the most uncomfortable shifts I've ever done, but I manage to make it through just as the drugs wear off.
Yesterday was a day off for me, so I spent the day resting and gradually feeling better... Except for the fact my ear felt clogged and deafened. At first I thought it was a wax build-up, but after a quick cotton swabbing I found out that wasn't the case. I decided that maybe it was some water from the pool and it'd unblock before too long.
Skip to 3am this morning and I awake with a start to what I can only describe as a hoard of angry gnomes in my ear, trying to pickaxe a fucking tunnel from my ear into my skull. So while I've got that going on, I'm trying not to scream in agony or curl up in a sobbing ball and wake the house while stumbling around looking for painkillers.
I didn't get any more sleep that night and when my alarm went off at 5:45 this morning for work, the pain still hadn't subsided. Instead, my ear had started leaking this clear liquidy shit, which got worse and worse as this morning progressed.
Anyway, I struggled through the constant stabbing pain and finally made it to the doctors this morning. Turns out my entire eardrum is severely infected and has burst. Generally that's caused by the flu, but one of the biggest catalysts - surprise surprise - is getting your ear wet or immersing it in water while flu-stricken.
Maybe I should have called in sick I'm the first place. | Didn't call in sick to work and instead went into the pool with flu, later found out that getting water in my ears cause an eardrum to burst and caused a metric fuckton of pain |
t3_4y3gmn | relationships | My (21F) Filipino mother (45F) refuses to see a doctor about her 1 month+ infected bug bite on leg. | My mother went to the Philippines for my grandfather's funeral this summer (from June to July). While there, she got two insect bites from what she assumes were mosquitos, who knows. Just warning you that this is gonna sound very gross: the bites had swollen, became obviously infected and full of pus.
When she came back, they were the same. She's just been cleaning, applying neosporin and putting bandaids over the bites. It looks incredibly disgusting, God. It's even caused her some pain where it hurts to stand which is doubly shitty because she works at Walmart where she STANDS FOR 8 DAMN HOURS. She got back here in July 18th, and her leg is still very ugly and obviously infected and swollen.
Here is the annoying, problematic part: she vehemently refuses to go to the doctor. She claims that when she was younger, she dealt with this all the time in the Philippines, that this is just a normal part of life and that no one in het village bothered to see doctors about this stuff. She grew up in a rural part of the Philippines where ya know, medical care isn't in great supply so that's probably why people in the village didn't go to the doctor. Couple this with the fact that my mom is a cheapskate to the extreme and you can imagine how stubborn and frustrating this is.
My dad has told her repeatedly she needs to go to a doctor and she ends up yelling at him that it's nothing, that he doesn't know anything, that she's taking care of it.
Her leg is swollen and DISGUSTING. I have brought it up to her as well but again, she refuses. I've even offered to pay for her visit but nope.
Please give me some guidance. | my mother has been dealing with a bug bite infection for 1+ month and she refuses to go to the doctor, claiming that as young girl in the rural Philippines, she knows that this stuff is nothing to worry about. Help me out |
t3_1u8bb2 | relationships | Me [22M] with my [22F] 6 Months, My girlfriend and I met via online dating. She has been secretly messaging another man who was another "candidate" | I need your advice, I'm shaking and I love this subreddit. I need some leval headed advice from you guys and girls.
I feel like I've broken her trust.. I was borrowing her laptop and checked her skype. There were messages to and from another guy, she started talking to the day we met.
He obviously wants sex, he openly states he does not want a relationship.
My girlfriend has been constantly telling him how she wont cheat on me, and how she won't meet up for sex... but she never deleted him ever.
But inbetween those statements..
(A bit sexual)
She has been discussing how he should get a sexual massage to relieve tension, and how she wishes he wanted a relationship and not just sex when they first met. She has also discussed with him the underwear she bought for us. With him constantly asking for pictures.
Should I discuss it with her and how?
I need to calm down first, and I need advice from anyone.
Thanks guys.
P.S. Our relationship has turned slightly long distance, but we see eachother every month (This is only temporary, London:Paris relationship) | Me and my girlfriend met via online dating, we started dating after a few months. I was her first boyfriend and she seemed very loyal and trustworthy. |
t3_2s0x6l | relationships | [Update] Unsure what to think of my [24M] strange friend and her behavior [F26] that I'm interested in dating. | Previous post:
So this is a happy update. We've continued to hang out and sleep over 2 or 3 times a week since my last post, slowly getting more and more comfortable with each other. Earlier this week we held hands for the first time, and last night we went out to a broadway show and fancy dinner. Afterwards we were cuddling, and kissed a few times. We talked a bit and established that we like each other and we'll take it slow. Neither of us has been in a relationship for quite a while so we don't want to rush it. It's nothing official or anything, but it's a big step. So I'm pretty happy right now. | Taking it slow was the right thing to do, I was overthinking pretty much everything. She likes me and things are moving forward. |
t3_378old | legaladvice | Texas 401k divorce help!!!! | Hello R/legaladvice
This is my first post here. The problem at hand is not mine but of an aunt who is currently divorcing her husband of 30 years. Even do her husband has had another family for 22 years this is not the reason for them getting divorce even tho they do both know about each other for a long time. So here is where the problem is he decided to leave her(aunt) and live with the other family. He is legally married to my aunt. So what he did id when he left he emptied his 401k and put it under his other "wife's" name. My questions being is this legal? and what can she do to get the money that is rightfully hers? | Guy has 2 famalies for 20+ years is leaving the one he is legally married to took 401k and gave to other "wife" |
t3_2gmqck | relationships | Can I [28 F] honestly want to reconnect with my ex's best friend [30 M] for the sake of friendship and not an opportunity to snoop on my ex's current life? | I miss the best friend of my former crush. When I used to hang out with them a lot (several years) I would think I possibly only liked the best friend because he was my crush's best friend. But as time passed (a year) I realized that I actually miss him for him, he is such a wonderful person and I'd love to reconnect.
I am afraid reconnecting with my former crush's best friend will trigger my not 100% gone feelings for the said crush... Will it?
Disclaimer. This is definitely not aimed to make anyone jealous as the friend and me have zero sexual chemistry which rarely happens with opposite sex which is one of the reasons I feel so safe with him. And overall, he is this wonderful warm person whom I used to see a lot and now I think I just miss him for him. | Should I reconnect with a friend who happens to be my former crush's best friend? Can my motifs be pure? Can I trust I am not fooling myself with this one? |
t3_2e3xfl | relationships | I think I[19F] screwed up with my best friend [20 M] who's moving away | This guy is my best friend. For academic reasons he's going back home (overseas), unsure if he'll return to the same university where he and I have been studying.
We've had a really great casual relationship going in the last year. Neither of us were really keen to put a label on it, but people assumed we were dating and we were both okay with it.
We both went home over the summer and kept in contact. I thought the distance would bring the whole casual relationship to a gradual close, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. I've fallen for him really really hard, and his actions and words are unambiguously caring and affectionate - making me think there may be a possibility that my feelings are reciprocated.
Knowing there might be a chance to work things out over the upcoming semester, I was planning on telling him this weekend when we were both in town moving into new apartments. Then over the course of 24 hours he finds out he has to go back home and may not return to school this year (or possibly at all). He's stressed out of his mind and it's obviously an inappropriate time to have a serious talk about our relationship.
I said goodbye to him this morning, helped him pack all his stuff, and have spoken with him since. He's feeling better about going back, but is obviously really sad to leave. I didn't have the heart to tell him how I feel and didn't want to stress him out more.
I don't know where to go from here. It's killing me. I'm devastated because my best friend is moving away. I've never felt like this about anyone before and I'm scared to tell him because I don't want to push him away. It's a huge weight on my chest but I feel like I missed my chance to express my feelings, like if I said something now I could ruin everything. | Developed really close relationship with best friend, had one day before he left the country permanently (?) to tell him how I felt. He's gone. Do I reach out to him now or is it too late? |
t3_1u4kzg | relationships | Me 24M with my flatmate [26 M] ruined some of my stuff trying to clean up | I've been living with "Kevin" for about a year now. From day 1 he never did his dishes. He cooks a couple times a week and utterly destroys the kitchen.
I cook a lot too, so I just got in the habit of cleaning up after him when I cleaned up after myself. We have a dishwasher so it's not that huge a deal. But he has not washed 1 fork in the entire time he lived here, and sometimes he hoards dishes in his room (all the dishes are mine but I let him use them) and will bring a pile of dirty ones into the kitchen. I don't know how he thinks they get clean...I wash all of them.
I didn't want to make drama in the house, he's a pretty ok guy and it's hard to find a good housemate, so I was kind of resigned to just doing the dishes. I didn't want to have to nag after him all the time.
Kevin recently got a new girlfriend, and in an effort to impress her (I can only assume), he actually did the dishes. But he did a terrible job. First, he put a bunch of dirty dishes in with the clean ones and didn't run it. Then, he ran the dishwasher overstuffed so nothing got clean.
But more importantly, he washed a bunch of stuff that's not supposed to go in the washer. He put in a cast iron pan, a wooden cutting board, and a fancy knife I got as a gift. The pan needs to be re-seasoned, and the cutting board is destroyed (broke into pieces) and the knife is probably ruined too (rusted).
Obviously I need to have a talk with him. I was hoping to get some advice on how to approach it. Should I mention in some way the year of never washing up or just let that go? Should I ask him to replace the stuff he ruined? Should I ask him to just not wash up since I'd rather have dirty stuff that ruined stuff? | Flatmate ruined some kitchen stuff trying to wash it after a year of never washing it. How should I approach talking to him about it? |
t3_3c7oey | relationships | My [24M] girlfriend [25F] RSVP'd for me for a wedding I don't want to go to. | So a few days ago my girlfriend (of 6 years) tells me that a girl she had graduated high school with called her and invited her to her wedding next Saturday, and I was welcome to come too. She accepted and told her we could both come, because she was never really close friends with this girl, so if she's asking her she must be kind of desperate for people to invite. However, my girlfriend forgot that I already had plans to go to an event on the same day at the same time.
I reminded her of my plans and she apologized for forgetting, but said that I would have to go since she already RSVP'd for me. I told her I wasn't happy that she RSVP'd without asking me first since it's someone I don't even really know and she hardly knows, and asked her if she could possibly call her back and tell her I couldn't make it. She said she wouldn't because she'd feel really bad since she acted so excited when she told her we could go. She also said she doesn't even really want to go either, but is basically doing it because she feels bad for her.
So the bottom line is that I don't want to go because I'd have to cancel my previous plans, but my girlfriend is telling me I have to. I already do stuff like this with her *all the time*, so I feel like one day to do what I want isn't asking for much. If this was her best friend or something, then yeah, I'd understand. How do we resolve this reasonably? | My girlfriend accepted a wedding invitation for me, forgetting that I already had plans on that day. Now saying that I'll have to cancel my plans and go because she already RSVP'd. |
t3_383egm | Advice | Help. Used my company card w/o authorisation, can't get refund | Hi all
Am I as screwed as I think I am? I started my job late last year. I love it and I'm told I'm good at it. My director says I'll be manager next year, and in order to do this they've paid for me to take a course.
I have been doing coursework and one of the almost essential aspects of the course required access to paid material via a third party website. Without properly thinking it through, I thought ah it's a work thing, and put it through on my company card.
Now I realise that probably wasn't a smart move without prior authorisation. And whilst it's not entirely unrelated to work, I think I'll be in shit when it comes through, especially as it was 400 pounds. I've contacted the provider and asked for a refund, no go: offered my own credit card details as a replacement, but it's unlikely they'll help me (also I'm fucking skint so not great for me but better than getting the sack or getting a formal warning).
How do I rectify this? If i come clean they're going to think im greedy and stupid. The course they paid for was about 3000 quid in itself.
Help.
Unrelated, also going through a serious personal life crisis at the moment so am fucking depressed. Doesn't help the anxiety. | used company card for online material for course I'm doing without approval. New job, scared I'll get bollocksed. |
t3_st6cn | dating_advice | Like a guy but don't want to date him | So I'm 24/F, him 24M, and we've gotten to be close, good friends over the last few months. I can easily talk to him since we have a lot in common, function similarly on many levels, and share many core traits like punctuality, loyalty, need for affection etc. Because of all this, I can't help but feel really attached and appreciative of him and our friendship, but I do realize I do not love him and do not want a relationship with him, since it would never work out. Lucky for me he likes another girl so this shouldn't come up as an issue, but I'm concerned that my affection might be misconstrued as interest (since I guess it is), and I do not want to lose a friend. I feel like I could "censor" some things I say and do, but part of me feels that would be lying and thus disrespectful to my friend. Any thoughts or similar experiences out there? | I have strong feelings for my friend, but not enough to ever want a relationship with him. How do I maintain our close friendship without it becoming awkward/losing it? |
t3_3trj9c | Advice | Is it wrong of me to not be friendly with a recent ex? | Things were not going well between my bf and I, and it led to me wanting to just spend a couple nights at a friend's house but he kicked me out instead. This was a week ago. He has been trying to be Mr. Nice Guy and ask me how I am doing and such, and I just cannot reciprocate the kindness, even if it is fake. He just asked me, again, how I was doing and all I could say was "Dandy". Am I a bad person? This is the third time he has broken up with me, and the second time it has seriously flipped my life upside down. I would block his phone number, but I am still waiting on some deposit money back from him. Once I leave the state, which should be in a couple of weeks, he will be blocked entirely - if that is the right thing to do? Also, I am new to Reddit so if I need to change where this post is, please let me know. I am just so lost in my life right now. | Boyfriend kicked me out a week ago and is trying to act like a friend. Am I a horrible person for not reciprocating? |
t3_34ibdg | relationships | I [22 F] have been with my boyfriend [21 M] for 6 years but have severe trust issues. Help. | We have been together for 6 years. We get along great and argue reasonably and not often. After 5 years of dating we were on a rocky path. My sex drive was very low. I thought I might be asexual. It turns out I had a mental disorder.
Then he broke up with me. Three weeks later we got in contact and met for dinner. We both cried. We were happy to see eachother again. Then he admitted to cheating on me a few days before he first ended our relationship.
Now we have been back together for about 6 months. But I go away in the summers and am struggling to get over my trust issues. I want it to work out. I will not break up with him over this because I am very happy right now. But I want to trust him again. | had low sex drive, BF cheated. we got back together, he admitted it, and now I have trust issues. How do I get over them? |
t3_umkrt | AskReddit | In the movie Magnolia, when asked what he's doing Tom Cruise's character responds with, "I'm silently judging you." In what situations do you find yourself silently judging others? | Personally, I pass judgment like methane gas -- constantly and unabashed. I hope I'm not the only one. | At a stop light, I found myself judging a girl on her cell phone, and a guy who couldn't wait patiently for the light to change. One instance of what I do pretty much all the time. |
t3_mr1he | AskReddit | Did I get a raw deal at my place of employment or screw myself over? | When I got out of college, the place I had interned at during the past two summers offered me a job, since my area is accounting and finance, I assumed it would be in that area. They instead offered me a position working in an area associated with engineers more so than accounting, think accountant to the engineers that also does engineer-related drafting and other such things. I had no experience in that field but, at the time I had graduated (August of 2010), and most of my other interviews turning out to be a bust, I took the position as it was a generous salary, great benefits, and I figured they would help with training and know I would try and pick up as much stuff along the way.
Well, since taking that position I have been constantly called in asking why I did not know anything from drafting to certain dimensions for construction. With anything accounting and finance related, I excelled but when it came to engineering related work, I struggled. I ask to be trained and even paid with my own money for drafting classes. Yet, kept getting called in asking me why I did not know this and such. I checked with the accounting department over the year and they really had no positions open, not even in Accounts Payable.
A month back, my Boss was terminated, so as a result my position itself was no longer needed.
Then I was sat down a week ago to be told by management that I would be moved over to accounting, for a two month trial period and that if I passed, I would be offered a position. I just have a bad feeling though that since there is really no room in accounting and that I will be told I did well but there is simply no room in that area right now.
I have my resume ready and I am sending it out this week to headhunters and such. I feel like I got a raw deal but at the same time, was it my mistake in taking that position instead? | Offered position at place where I interned after graduating. Position was not my expertise and struggled but did my best. Now in trial period with accounting department worried I might not have a job soon. |
t3_4tmr3f | relationships | Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] 1.5 years, not sure if we should break up. | My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. She has been wonderful to me throughout our relationship. We have always been able to work through and problem and have pretty decent communication. Despite this I really can't see herself as my future wife.
I know at this age I still have a ways to go before marriage, but I don't think it would be fair to her in the end if I truly know I don't want to get married. I believe our values in life are far too different. She is extremely plan oriented and OCD about many things while I am a lot more laid back. She has stated numerous times that she does not strive for anything more in life than settling down in an average 9-5 and devoting her life to being a mother. I don't even know if I want kids.
Every time I think about breaking up I get extremely anxious and sad as I don't want to hurt her or myself. I still feel like I love her, but also feel like I would be happier single at this point in my life. I often fantasize about what life would be like being single..not with respect to other women, but just having the freedom and time to live my life the way I would like to. I find myself sometimes dreading the time we spend together as I feel suffocated and bored frequently when with her. | Still have feelings for my girlfriend and our relationship has no problems, but I still feel I want to break up and have serious doubts about our future together. |
t3_2xd5dc | relationships | "My friend" I know she's walking all over me but I guess I must like being a doormat. | So my (f19) friend (f20) of 4 years just messaged me after months of not talking. The last time we spoke we had a pretty big falling out. She was upset I didn't drop my life because her family dog passed, she felt like i didn't care. I had just gotten a new boyfriend and i was working full time. It's not like I didn't respond to her I did give her my condolences, this was early November.
I hadn't heard from her in a few weeks so messaged her saying happy thanksgiving, no response. My great grandmother had passed early December I had posted to Facebook about it as well did my brother. She liked my brothers status. So I knew she was aware of the situation. So I messaged her and she was just still mad about her dog. I brought up the fact that I didn't hear anything from her about my grandmother she said her liking my brothers status was her sending her condolences..
I had always had her back. But her "boyfriend" ( aka a liar and cheater, sometimes even a beater) was the only one that was ever going to be there for her 100%. After she had said that I was just done. I never heard from her again until a few days ago. She snapchatted me and was upset that her boyfriend was basically being himself. And she wanted me to be there for her I just said oh sorry and never said anything else. She now just messaged me saying that she misses me and wants to fix things because her and her boyfriend aren't doing so well and she needs a friend.. I know that I shouldn't be there for her but I'm terrible at ignoring people and being mean.
Sorry for the long post I'm just unsure how to feel and needed to vent | my friend" of 4 years messaged me wanting a friend after her boyfriend cheated. Even though we hadn't talked for months |
t3_1ur2ar | relationships | [18 M] Girl that I kinda like is starting to avoid me, how do I go about telling her I like her so I can move on? | A girl I've been talking to for several weeks has been starting to avoid wanting to hang out with me and she keeps on making up excuses that are a little obvious.
I'm good friends with her best friend and she told me in the beginning that she was interested and we hit things off pretty well but we've only hung out once and she still seemed interested afterwards. After a couple weeks of talking she's been making up these excuses.
Her friend said the girl I liked had a lot going on right now and hasn't been really open to her about anything in her life, and that she might be a little depressed...
How should I tell the girl I like that I like her and I'm done trying, but that I still want to be their for her if she ever needs someone to talk to? Thanks guys | Girl I like starts avoiding me for some reason I don't know, how do I tell her I like her so I can move on. But want to be there if she needs me? |
t3_35ies2 | cats | Combining homes with an aggressive cat. Please help! | My boyfriend and I have decided to move in together, but we are running into the issue of our pets. I have a very playful 75 lb dog, and he has a cat that is very aggressive towards other animals. What are some things that we can do to get them to get along? My boyfriend says that she's been aggressive towards other animals since she was a kitten. He brought her home while already having another cat that belonged to his roommate. They tried everything as far as introducing scents, keeping them on opposite sides of a closed door, etc. His kitten never warmed up to the other cat and would go out of her way to attack it. His roommate and cat moved out after a few months, so my boyfriend's kitty hasn't had any other animal interactions. My dog has never been around other cats before, and I'm sure he will be obsessed with wanting to get near her. I don't what my bf's kitty to feel anger/aggression/betrayal, but I also want to make sure my pup stays safe and doesn't get hurt by razor sharp kitty claws. Any suggestion? | My bf and I are moving in together with my dog and his cat. Kitty is very aggressive to other animals. We've tried introducing scents, but it's failed. Other suggestions? |
t3_ljb88 | AskReddit | What are some alternative colleges/college alternatives? | I'm having a tough time right now deciding what direction I should take. At the moment I have a decent scholarship to Canisius college in Buffalo, NY and things are going well as far as my grades are concerned. I'm starting to realize that I may not be able to cope with another 3+ years (freshman here) of this place. It's not college in general and I even get decent grades, but I am seriously worried about my sanity by the end of it.
The way I am is that I absolutely CAN NOT stand putting effort into something that isn't important to me. The problem here is that there are the 14+ classes I still have to take that have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with my major, nor the job I hope to get after graduation. That may be how all colleges are and most everyone deals with it while they are there, but I cannot. Judge me based on that if you'd like, but the bottom line here is that I can't handle it. Period.
So my question is: what are the alternatives to this and if I am to continue school where can I do so that doesn't force you into bullshit classes? I'm going for a computer science degree at Canisius and have considered places like Full Sail in FL as an alternative because they don't have nearly as many bullshit classes as most schools seem to and game development is specifically the field I'm working towards. | can't handle 3+ more years of bullshit (read: irrelevant to major) classes at a traditional university, need an alternative for my sanity's sake |
t3_201vgb | Parenting | My wife wont let my son give up his bobie (his pacifier) HELP!! | Yes I am the bad guy in this situation. I am the one who has to take it away from him. Im the one who has to yell at her for giving in ( not yell but you know) , Im the one reminding her that if we don't take it away he is going to look like a simpsons character. I am about to just start cutting away without her knowing and then finding out later. Am I wrong? My son will be 3 next month. She is "holding on to his baby look" and I think its pretty selfish. I am worried about what it will do in his later years. Any body been through this so I can have some advice on talking to her about it rather than go barbaric cutting bobies and putting my foot down? | My wife wont let my son give up his pacifier. Be a dick and make a point or work it out like adults... |
t3_d5aw6 | AskReddit | I am here for a confession and I just want to assure you all its something Im doing for your benefit. You will know why, here. | I am a software developer in a big organization. We have developed a lot of products most you are using right now. I cannot name my organization for security purposes and I wish I could someway. I came here to say that the cracks you download for our products are all coded by us. We are a team of people who teamed up from different software development organizations just to make things easier for the end user. I want to confess, all you guys are getting scammed if you are buying softwares off the internet. The organizations know who is cracking their codes and they do not really mind it. I dont know why they do this but I just wanted to let you guys know you guys are getting scammed. I will continue doing what I do but in the end I am just guilty of it. I want to be sure if you guys say I am wrong or right in doing so. Should I stop and go wikileaks on everything that is happening at the moment? | software developer, i crack softwares for my own organization and make them publically available, organization knows and asks us to do this, am i wrong? what should i do? |
t3_1mim06 | relationships | I[19M] live with my now ex-girlfriend[19F] (together for 9 months) and I don't know how I feel really. | Hi guys, I hope I format this right.
Basically me and some friends decided to move into a house together for our 2nd year of University (England). We had a spare room so my friend claimed it for her friend (who i'll call S). I meet S in January AFTER we know she's moving in and we hit it off immediately. We slept in the same bed the night we met and were together from then on.
Over the summer break things went sour with S, I was almost certainly too intense (at least I feel that this is the reason), and towards the end of the summer (around 3 weeks before we moved in together - seven of us in all) I knew it was tailing off. This was OK. We'd always said we'd do it as long as it works and no longer. I rang her to talk about it and she said it'd be better if we were friends.
So cool right? I didn't feel too bad about it and we hadn't seen each other in ages anyway so it didn't feel like I was losing anything. Now though, with her in the house it's difficult. She has her own room but it's hard not to be about her most of the day. My problem is that I'm not sure how I feel about being around her. She makes me feel tense and when I know she's alone I want to be with her. Over the last 24 hours or so we've been engaged in sporadic conversation that (through playful aggressiveness and whatever) could feel, in any other situation, like flirting. For the record, I really don't know what's going on in her head but my head is saying that she just wants me to get past her so we can be friends. I'm sure we could and will get on as friends, I just don't know how long or what i'm going to do in the meantime. Any and all words are appreciated guys, I hope I've formatted this adequately. | Met a girl I was going to be moving in with, hit it off, had relationship, now we've moved in but 'better off as friends', feeling pretty confused about it all. |
t3_esqtk | AskReddit | Legal advice on how to recover a bad personal check froma wretched landlord. | My landlord gave paid me back my security deposit via Check. His check bounced and my bank charged me $$. Plus I didn't get my security deposit back. The check was dated 06/25/2010 and somehow I never noticed that on my online statement. The actual mail from the bank was sent to my previous address so there was a delay in receiving it. But my boyfriend just gave me the letter today, no idea when it was received.
So here I am, trying to contact the fat turdball relentless only to hear "no speak english" on the other side. I went to the bank and the bank said they can't do anything as his account doesnt have enough money PLUS the check is stale dated. Now the landlord lives in Miami and I am in New York. The check was for $800 not sure if it is worth hiring an attorney. I am so furious and more so cuz I really don't know what to do.
Any of you kind reddit folks know what legal actions I can take without having to spend a fortune. If it is >$800, then i guess i will just have to let go of it. | bad landlord gave bad check that bounced back. now bad lanlord is not picking up the phone. and the check is past 6 months so banks are not helping either. need advice on what legal actions can be taken |
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