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t3_3ihyt8 | relationships | Me (24f) with my boyfriend (26m) .. anxiety is getting the best of me. [Advice needed] | So as the title says, my anxiety has been way out of control.
I met my boyfriend, let's call him John in high school. We were in total different social groups. He was a jock, super good looking etc. I on the other hand was not. I was shy and quiet. I had feelings for him, but never acted on them for fear of rejection.
We always dated different people. He moved away got engaged and all that jazz. I also was engaged, my ex and I were together 4 years. He (my ex) was very abusive - physically, sexually, and verbally. He also cheated on me multiple times. Thankfully I got out.
Anyways, a few months ago John and I reconnected on social media, he asked me to hangout one day. (Which totally surprised me) so we went out and have literally been inseparable ever since.
My problem is, John is still VERY attractive. Whenever we are out other girls are always looking at him. It's weird to me. I get quite annoyed. I guess I'm a jealous person, but considering the crap I've gone through with previous relationships (being cheated on, etc) I don't think that's unreasonable. He says he loves me and only wants me, I'm not sure I can believe him. My anxiety is terribly high.
Can anyone give me some advice? | my boyfriend is very attractive and always has females checking him out when we are together. My anxiety is high and idk how to handle it ... |
t3_1lxc73 | relationships | Do I [M29] have a moral obligation to tell a guy [M25?] I don't even know that his GF [F24] cheated? | A friend [F24] of mine [M29] recently moved over 800 miles west to be with her LDR boyfriend of at least 3 years. Before she left I happen to know she slept with a mutual friend of ours at least once (possibly multiple times) in a blatant and shameless way. I've only met the bf once, and don't really know him at all, but I can't shake the feeling he deserves to know that his gf has been lying and disloyal before she settles in and potentially causes more damage.
Conversely, I also feel like it's none of my business and should stay out of their affairs (pun intended). Please help me figure this out! | Female friend cheated on her LDR bf. He doesn't know, and I feel conflicted about spilling the beans. |
t3_3bto0z | personalfinance | [CAN] Equifax Score: 603. Not approved for even a secured MasterCard. How to raise score? | So when I was 18 I made some stupid mistakes (maxed out CC and got my account closed, sent bills to collections) and killed my credit score. I'm 23 now and paid off the collections account roughly a year ago and paid off the credit card account a couple of months ago and got my finances in order.
The only debt I have now is my currently accruing student loan and I'm living with my dad and made a habit of paying my bills on time (pre authorized payments are a blessing for the procrastinator). I went to the bank a couple weeks ago to apply for a low limit credit card (student card with a $500 limit) and I was rejected. So I asked about a secured card and the lady told me I couldn't even open up that type of account either.
I'm trying to rebuild my credit and reverse my previous mistakes. What can I do for now? | screwed credit up when I was 18. Trying to fix but can't even get a secured card. What are my options for improving my measly 603 score? |
t3_2daip8 | relationships | [M21] If someone you recently started (less than 10 dates in, haven't had the Talk" seeing did something to upset you, would you give them a second chance or cut and run? | I didn't realize this weekend, but I accidentally tried to "invite myself" to the birthday party for the friend of a girl I've been seeing (F20, let's call her N). Another friend of mine was going to be there sorta celebrating her birthday too and she asked me to come. N said she'd feel better if I wasn't there because she'd be drinking and has some anxiety issues but because of it was for my other friend, I said I'd probably be out.
I told the friend and N that I'd be there in a bit but on the way over I wasn't feeling good about the whole thing so I sent word that I wouldn't be coming. N and I had plans on Sunday (where I was hoping to have the talk) but she cancelled and said the whole thing made her uncomfortable and that she was re-thinking things and talk in a couple days over coffee...
I really, really like this girl and I'm hoping we can mend things up and get to a point where we can have The Talk but I'm kinda scared I blew it.. | Made a girl I've recently started seeing (7-8 dates) uncomfortable by trying to go out when she said she wanted a night with friends.. Have I totally blown it? |
t3_x0w64 | relationships | Me and my long time girlfriend are going to through a rough patch and I need your opinion on what I/we should do. | My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years, both of us being 21, and we seem to be a bit of a rough patch. We spend maybe 2-4 days together and have an amazing sexual relationship but I feel our connection dwindling. She always acts so cold to me unless we're having sex or cuddling or in the middle of anything intimate but during anything else, she treats me like I'm a leper. She always acts condescending, sarcastic, and extremely cynical to me and makes me feel like shit otherwise. She also spends a lot of her time with her friends and I have no idea if they're influencing her decisions to act like the way she does to me. I don't know, I feel like I'm almost venting with this post but I'm not sure what the problems is. I try to talk to her but she refuses to talk me about anything serious like this. I don't really know what to do and I feel like you all could help me. | My girlfriend and I are drifting apart. She acts incredibly cold and emotionless to me all the time and refuses to talk to me seriously. Whenever confronted she says nothing is wrong. We've had an amazing relationship prior to this. |
t3_3m3rsx | relationship_advice | Was there flirting between me (16/F) with my straight friend (17/F)? | Okay, so, I'm a bit confused right now. The other day I was helping my friend (who I also happen to have a crush on, she knows this) with her homework, and one of the questions was to pick two famous people in history that you like, one female and one male. I gave her a male person and I decided I'd let her choose the female one, with me saying "I don't care about women." She jokingly responded with "well that's ironic xD". I then went on to say "there's only one women I care about....my mom!" I made it clear that I was talking about her by saying stuff like "oh my mom has nice eyes, etc." so I guess there was some flirting coming from me, but I was saying this in a jokingly way. She went with it, saying stuff like "I'd love to hear why your mom is so great, but let's not get creepy because she is your mom." When she said this I was a bit confused. I take this as a way of her telling me not to overstep my boundaries (I read it as "Don't say anything too weird because I still am your friend."), however, in the tone she said it, she also could have just been going with the mom joke. So, I have two questions. 1. Was she flirting with me by saying stuff like that? She isn't interested in girls but I'm still kinda confused, and 2. When she said "Dont say anything creepy, she is, after all your mom" was this her way of telling me not to say anything too weird that would make her uncomfortable, or was she just going with the joke?
BTW, the reason I am having these thoughts is because earlier today, I told my friend about it and he said "Wait, so were you guys, like, flirting?" I didn't know what to say so I came here.
Thanks in advance! | I (think) I was flirting with my friend, unsure if she was going with it or if she was trying to tell me to stop. |
t3_3x3lnq | relationships | Me [24F] with my BF [31M] 3 years. Never compliments me. Does romance die after some time? | my boyfriend is the best thing that has happened to me an continues to be. I am at the best place of my life right now, and I couldn't have done it without him or his support. We've been together for 3 years and it's had its ups and downs, but overall it's been good. But I remember in the early early stages of our relationship how he would often tell me how beautiful I was. It meant so much. Before he'd leave for work, he would romantically grab my body and kiss me up and down all over. He called it "worshipping". He would also compliment my ass and body a lot. But now, I would say I'm in even better shape incorporating more yoga than ever, and yes I may have lost my ass and now, he never compliments it. He never calls me beautiful. He always comments on other girls asses and has a need to point them out either in movies or watching YouTube videos, and frankly it's hurtful. I get hit on everyday, and every week it's some white knight who often says "I hate to bother you, but I have to say that you're very beautiful." It's very nice. Now I feel Sad that it's never him. I'd rather take a compliment from my BF than everyday from a stranger. Is this common? Is it not? This doesn't take away from the fact that he is a great boyfriend and encourages me in every way, whether it be my career, life struggles or Jiu Jitsu. But i would like to hear something from him... Is that too much to ask? | My Boyfriend of 3 years used to compliment me and call me beautiful in the beginning, but never does now. Is that normal? |
t3_1jsbkf | relationships | Im (23/f) scared to break up with (24/m). Please help me do this as easy as possible. | I've been dating this guy long distance for 2 years. And planned on staying with him long term in his hometown. But he did some things to betray my trust and I've been wanting to break things off for months now. He's very depressed, has a temper. And is very spiteful, even revengeful.
But I'm terrified. He has some pictures of me (clothed) and some sexual in nature text messages. I mean, we were very close for a long time. I trusted him. But he changed. I'm afraid he will try to do things to hurt me. Like send them to new guys I date or try to ruin any relationships I have. I want to change my number right after. I do this but I dont want to provoke anything. I'm afraid he will ask people why or talk to them about me in general. I just want him gone. I cry over this all of the time.
Can someone help me come up with a good message to give him? Should I change my number? Should I block his? I don't want him contacting me or my friends on social media. I don't know how to do this without provoking something. | afraid to break up with a guy that gets angry and says things that lead me to believe he will be spiteful. |
t3_24if3z | relationships | Me [27M] with my wife [27F] married almost 4 years, don't know how to fix our problems | We have been married for 4 years now, dated for 3 years prior to marriage. Have 2 girls, almost 3 and almost 1. We both work in the medical field so our schedules have always been strange.
A couple months ago our relationship started getting bad. We didn't see each other a lot because of conflicting schedules. And when we did see each other our time was taken up by our daughters. This separations really drove a stake into our relationship. Our fights have gone from petty disagreements to all out war and our sexual life has gone to maybe once a month.
All this combined put me in a depressed state and having no one to really turn to I started looking at porn for that release I needed but wasn't getting.(let me state here I know that was wrong and have no completely stopped that activity) at the time I thought it was harmless. On several occasions my wife found the links in my history and it ended in huge fights, me promising to stop and the like but I'd do it again. This went on for a little while until a huge if you don't stop I'm leaving you fight. I swore it off then and haven't gone back.
Now here is the tricky part for me. I have been doing everything to make it up to her and get her to truly forgive me. Last week she took a new job that has her working Monday through Friday 8-4. I thought it would be great because we would see each other every night but instead she is extremely depressed that I am spending all the time with the girls and not her. Now she wants to quit her job even though we can't afford it.
Now I know this recent depression/anger had all to do with our prior fighting and my porn problems. She doesn't see me as a fit father anymore I believe and I want to know how to make things better for us and our daughters. | I had a porn problem after marriage issues, now wife doesn't trust/respect me as a father. How do I earn my respect back? |
t3_220rbs | self | Making a movie loosely based on my friend's life has strained our friendship. | I recently finished production on a short film for my thesis film that was based on the last two years of my friend's life. She's 21 years old and from a devout Muslim family and spent the past two years in a romantic and sexual extramarital affair with the head of the film department and professor at our former school (I've since moved on to another film school).
I thought it was a really gripping story, she's confided in my a lot about the troubles of sorting through her sexuality, religion, culture, family life, personal identity, mental health, and education in regard to this topic.
In my film, the names and location are changed and doesn't not take place in the film department like it did in real life. The nationality and age of the professor has been changed. We talked a lot about making a film based on her story. We no longer live near each other, having both transferred to different universities and she isn't directly involved with the production of the film.
Recently, she's gotten very angry with me from some of the things she's discovered from the production, the casting choices, and her fear of being identified from the film. I didn't think any of this would be an issue since we had discussed it all ahead of time, but she seems to have had a change of heart.
I don't know what to do. We need some sort of therapy because her friendship means a lot to me and she's inspired me in many ways. I would never want to exploit her or endanger her with her family. However, this production has already cost north of $6,500 of my own money and post-production will add to the bill. I need this film to graduate.
What's the most sensitive way of moving forward and dealing with these issues in our friendship? I still plan on moving forward, bringing my film to the festival circuit and such. Obviously, short films don't become particularly famous in the US outside of the inclusive world of film. | Made a movie about my friend's sexual affair and she's having second thoughts and getting angry despite the fact the film is nearing completion. What should I do? Thoughts? |
t3_2dyq97 | relationships | Me [33/M] with my gf [33F] of 2 months, smokes and I don't think I can handle it. | Hi reddit.
Met a lovely woman of which I have been with for a couple of months now after dating for a long while, and I have to say I'm smitten. Problem between us is, I don't like smokers (was one for 17 years, gave up 2+ years ago) and it's only starting to become an issue for me as I'm seeing more and more of her as time goes on.
We are both similar in our lifestyles (exercise, eating healthy) but she has a history of diabetes and medical problems associated with and most likely be triggered from smoking and being overweight (which she is, doesn't bother me) within her family history which concerns me.
I'm no angel either, i did smoke for a large part of my life, but i feel like i don't want to nag and guilt her in to doing something she doesn't want to do... nor do i want her to sneak around and smoke only to taste it when i kiss her and smell it in her clothes. | I feel like i'm falling for this woman, but i can see her smoking causing issues down the road. Any advice or anecdotes on similar experiences welcome. |
t3_4evqae | relationships | My girlfriend [26 F] of 5 months shared personal info about me [25 F] with her ex. | One of these days, my girlfriend and I were talking on WhatsApp while she was at work. She stopped responding for about an hour or so, even though she got online many times in this period. I asked what was going on and she said she was busy and talking to clients on WhatsApp. I said ok. Then, later on, she told me her ex-girlfriend had talked to her and they had a conversation. A red flag appeared in my mind's eye and I asked her what time that was and what they talked about. She could sense my mistrust and took screenshots of the conversation and sent it to me. It turns out she had been talking to her ex during that time she said she was busy. I was angry.
It doesn't stop there. The subject matter? The people they're currently dating. Her ex told my girlfriend that her current SO asks questions about their relationship, if there are lingering feelings etc. My girlfriend, then, told her ex I'm "deadly jealous" of her and that whenever she goes someplace her ex might be I ask if she was there. I was furious. She also said I was the love of her life and whatever, but that's beside the point.
You see, I have some issues with retroactive jealousy. These problems are tough and, I'm sure, very hard on my girlfriend. But I don't think she has the right to share that with anyone except a therapist (if she had one), let alone her ex-girlfriend. I feel like she exposed me and betrayed me. These are personal things I share only with her, and she treated it like it was nothing. She didn't think of the damage this would do to me and what it means.
I confronted her about the whole situation and she defended herself by saying she didn't lie, that she had been busy and later just forgot to reply to me. She apologized profusely and recognized her error in exposing me to her ex.
I don't know what to do. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I was so angry over this. I don't know what this means and what I should do. | My girlfriend confided in her ex that I'm jealous of her, and possibly lied to me about her activities while doing so. |
t3_3drbbl | personalfinance | Paying down credit card with high APR; should I pay it off completely? | Like the title says, I have a few credit cards that I got when I was in college a few years ago. Long story short, I got them with the flashy 0% APR for X amount of months, and then a relatively high APR after that period. Aside from two others that I have (that are completely under control, we're talking a balance of less than a hundred dollars on them), my main question is about one card in particular. It holds a balance of about $1,900 with an APR of something in the neighborhood of 20%.
Yes I know, it was a bad decision, but I'm finally in a situation to rectify it with a full time job. My question is this: Should I pay off the balance *completely*, or should I pay it down to where the balance is around the generally accepted 30% utilization, assuming I have the means to do both? I've heard from some people that the more you pay off a credit card, the more likely that company will offer a lower APR or something similar, and I didn't know if having a credit card with a zero balance would be preferable to just getting my debt down to a much less imposing number. | Credit card with ~$1900 balance with ~20% APR. Should I pay it off completely, or pay it down to a much more credit-friendly balance? |
t3_4h384e | legaladvice | Stat holiday pay, part vs full time, probationary period clarification. Ontario Canada | I worked Good Friday but I did not get any stat pay for it. When I first did a Google search I can't remember the web page where I read it but somewhere said that Easter Monday was a stat holiday but the Good Friday wasn't. That doesn't matter, because I found a Ministry of Labor page for Ontario which said Good Friday was a stat holiday, but Easter Monday wasn't. I also made sure that it did not specify that only full-time employees got holiday pay, or that you had to be past a three-month probationary period to get holiday pay.
So I asked my boss about it... He tried to argue with me that Easter Monday was a stat holiday and Good Friday was a Civic holiday not a stat holiday. He also said that only full-time employees got stat holiday pay, and only employees that had been there for longer than 3 months. I'm a bit confused because I know he went to school for business, which is also what I happen to be in school for at the moment, and I know he's also been managing and running businesses for quite some time. Is he actually correct? If he is and anyone can confirm it, would it be possible to link me to a government web page that confirms what my boss is saying? | boss says only full-time employees past a probationary period get stat holiday pay, and seems to have a list of stat holidays that differs from the list provided by the Ontario Ministry of Labour |
t3_494r9v | relationships | Me [14 M] with my childhood friend [14 F]... want to make a move but don't know what to do | So I've known this girl since fifth grade, and I suddenly developed a crush on her a week before Christmas. I've liked her ever since, and today we had a concert together.
During our dress rehearsal yesterday, I stared at her (she caught me a few times) and I also caught her staring at me a few times, which is the weird thing; I asked out her twin sister last February and we went out for about a week. I guess the fact that we were in seventh grade at the time kinda drew the fervor and excitement out of our relationship.
I'm not really sure how to handle myself in this situation: I sat with her on the bus ride to the dress rehearsal yesterday morning (and afternoon, on the way home) and the conversation turned to dating at one point.
Can someone please tell me how to conduct myself (respectfully) in this situation so that I have the highest chance of succeeding? Thanks. (note: Already asked same question on TRA subreddit) | This girl I've known since fifth grade (who i have a crush on) stared at me yesterday. what should i do? |
t3_2pyg4g | relationships | Is it normal for me [19M] to be organizing all the dates/initiating all conversations with a woman [19F]? | So heres a little bit of context for y'all: I hosted a house party for my birthday approximately two weeks ago where I shared a great time with a girl that was a plus one, lets name her Annabel. We made out, flirted and cuddled all night and got a long great.
I decided to contact her on Facebook a few days after the party, and almost instantly clicked with each other. I thought it would be a good idea to ask her out on a date and she kindly accepted.
A few days pass, and I messaged her once for a chat, and then another a day before the date to see if we were still on. Things were all fine and dandy, we met up on our date and it was pretty much perfect, we spoke as if we had known each other for years and she just couldn't wipe the smile off of her face for the 3 hours we were together.
However here's the dillema that I'm unsure with. One of her friends (lets call her Judy)is my good friend also, so I have a way of gathering information about where Annabel is at and how she feels. I spoke to Judy and asked her what Annabel thought of the date and it was received very well, apparently I looked great, and was also very easy to talk to. She also sent me a text straight after we parted ways saying what a lovely time and how she'd like to meet again soon.
I know for a fact that Annabel is interested as she has vocalized this to me, as seen by the texts as well. However should it be left up to me to initiate most conversations? Should it be left up to me to organize the dates?
Is the fact that I know she is interested a good enough reason for me to not worry about organizing the dates every time? Are there certain ways I can work around this and get her to participate in initiating conversation and organizing dates. | met girl at a party I hosted, met up on a date, pretty much perfect, she has vocalized her interest in me, but I always have to initiate conversation and organise dates. |
t3_41njx2 | relationships | I [23 M] am trying to start a relationship again with her [23 F] after leaving her to figure out how to treat her better. | i met this girl my freshman year in college. We hit it off like a grand slam home run. I mean fire works. I was crazy about her but she went to a different school and the distance put strain on us.
I made the decision to leave her to find myself and to figure out what it would take for me to be in a completely different mind set that would allow me to know how to treat her the way she deserves. Like a goddess.
So I dated another girl that I didn't really love, but found out all my issues and how to resolve them. All the while being in contact with the original girl. Well she, original girl, moved to my town and started to attend my school, and now that I left girl 2 to be with the love of my life, she says she needs time to make things perfect. I'm worried that the time I made her wait made her fall out of love with me.
But here's the catch, a few days ago I saw another guy post a picture with her on social media. Although she says they are only friends, I still feel a sickness in my stomach when I think about it.
To make things more complicated, today was my birthday and she came over and made love to me. But still said I have to wait. And then proceeded to leave directly after. But texted me she loved me and told me good night.
Do you think she should love me still? Or will continue to? She says she does but the pic with the other guy and her saying we should take our time is killing me.
I really am crazy for her. | In scared to death that I made a mistake by leaving her to figure out how to treat her right. I'm scared I'm going to lose here. |
t3_1rfprw | relationship_advice | Advice on new gf? Me [17/M] Her [17/F] | I posted this in another subreddit (schizophrenia), but I think it may work nicely here too. I'm new to reddit so sorry if these aren't the types of questions that can be asked. Ima just copy paste.
A little backstory. I don't believe it's integral to the question, but just to give some perspective.
I had a childhood friend who was always pretty wierd. She never really had any friends. She mostly played alone, besides when I played with her (which I did do pretty often, I had a huge crush on her). She moved schools in middle school, and I haven't seen her since. Fast forward to Tuesday, I saw her on Facebook,many judging by her pictures, I was 100% certain it was her. I added her, chatted, and we hit it off instantly.
Anyways, back to the actual question- the other day, she told me 2 things that really shocked me,mine wayyy more than the other.
1) she's schizophrenic
2) the thing that shocked me the most- she's a satinist (I think the correct spelling). She worships Satin.
I don't want to leave her as we both have many similar interests and things in common, but I want to help her. First off, right at the bat, she told me she's satinist because of the fact that she's schizophrenic- she's hears voices and have hallucinations (100% sure. She was diagnosed as a child) and she feel these visions are the reason that she worships Satin.
The main issue I'm having is that she told me she stopped taking her meds, almost a year ago.
Sorry this is all over the place, and semi-venting, but one, what are some long term effects of not taking her meds? Can she go crazy?
And two, is there any way I ca np help her? What so you suggest?
Sorry for the long question and thanks in advanced for any advice you can give me. | my friend is a Satinist. She's not taking her schizo meds. That's the cause (I think), any advice? |
t3_15l12m | dating_advice | Late Bloomer in need of Dating advice | So backstory is I'm 26M, and have never been on a date, and am looking for advice on how to break into the dating scene, and how to handle addressing that topic if it comes up. The thing is I don't really have one reason to point to as to why I haven't: I'm somewhat shy for starters, I have a nice circle of friends but I'm not one to quickly befriend someone I meet randomly on the street, in a restaurant, etc. Making matters more complicated was growing up with overly sheltering parents, and I never really developed much of a social life until the latter years of college.
That said I feel like I'm in a good place in my life right now, I have a great job, close family, great friends, a social routine that I'm very happy with in an area that I've grown comfortable with in the years since college. Furthermore I've been more physically active and healthy then I've ever been. I feel like there's one huge gap in my life with respect to the dating scene and I have no idea how to get started. It's to the point where friends with good intentions don't even know where to begin with regards to setting me up with anyone, cause they don't know if I'm interested, or even where my orientation lies (straight). I always sort of felt that finding someone would happen naturally, and so never paid much attention to it, while focused on academic and career pursuits. I'm grudgingly about to give in to the online dating scene, though I can't say I have high hopes for it. | 26M, never been on a date... where to begin, online dating tips, and how up front to be with said lack of history on potential dates? |
t3_2wtv20 | dating_advice | What should I take out of this message? | My friend and a girl were sleeping together, she was interested in him, he had no intention of dating her. Just before she went away for a few months I felt something towards her. We spent a day together and things went well. When she came back I thought fuck it and asked her out on a date, she declined. Said because of my friend and that she doesn't know where she is at right now, she still wants to be friends though.
After spending a few days together around friends she says I have a lovely soul and apologised for declining. She then asks me where I go rock climbing about a week later and says she went to a specific climbing wall, I replied. She also invites me to hang out with her and some mutual friends later that week. I got the message the day after and explained I was busy. I also asked if she is going climbing this week.
"Nah I didn't get your message. I won't have a phone for a little while. I was waving to you and **** last night but I guess you didn't see :p yeah I'll probably be going to ******** Wednesday"
Turns out she was at the same bar but didn't come and say hello.Not really sure how to approach this. I don't like games so should I just approach this upfront or is she trying to genuinely become a friend? | Mixed messages from a girl who declined a date but says she still wants to be friends. I haven't replied for a couple of days as I am unsure of what to do. |
t3_r9uar | AskReddit | Reddit, my daughter and her friend are being bullied at school, what do I do? | **The Story:** My daughter (let's call her Marie) and her friend (Sarah) became friends at school (grade 5) when they found out they shared an interest in horses. Marie is a tomboy and likes to play boy games but also likes to play with some of the girls. She says though that she doesn't like the popular girls and the drama that they partake in (makes me a little proud).
Enter Brianna. Brianna is the bully in this story. Brianna tells Marie that Sarah does not want to be friends with her. Brianna basically tells Sarah when she can and can't talk to Marie. Marie was supposed to go for a sleep over to Sarah's this weekend but Brianna put a stop to it. Brianna is one of the popular girls.
When Marie told me all of this I felt like I didn't have a good answer and I didn't know what to do.
Do I call the school and involve them, after all this is bullying. Or do I let the kids work it out?
I know now how other parents must feel when dealing with bullying and I don't want this to get to a point where my daughter feels that she is at fault. | My daughter and her friend are being bullied. Do I call the principal and involve the school or do I let them work it out? |
t3_4v3wuc | relationships | First time post 25m with my 24f.i need help | My wife and I have been married almost 2 years together 6 years.i love her to death we have a beautiful 1 year old son.
She's been having some problems that concerns me. She has been caught four separate times sneaking out in the middle of the night to go to bars with friends.comes home drunk as hell.this last time I woke her up to find inappropriate texts from another man.i called her out and she explained that she doesn't know why he sent those that he must have gotten mixed up with another girl with her name.
After four times lying and going behind my back, I asked her to stay at her parents with my boy for the weekend,as I work. A few days later I get a call from my best friend saying that she's been cheating on me.he told me that we had a mutual friend there that witnessed it.she claims it's not true.im lost and don't know how to feel. I thought I trusted her but also feel that no husband should ever doubt that.wgat should I do.how should I act.i apologize in advance for Grammer and what not. Thanks in advance | I think my wife may be cheating. Not sure how to feel or act.i just want help and clarification.maybe an explanation. Thank you |
t3_ikzru | AskReddit | Engineering Major Or Business Major? (Please help me Reddit) | Hey Reddit, I need some help deciding which major will allow me to live the best lifestyle. I'm currently in the Mechanical Engineer Program at Purdue University (# 9 In the world) and I really do enjoy learning hard scientific concepts and understanding how complex equations can be put into real life situations. However, there are a lot of business majors who claim all engineers are nerds and really will never make as much money as a Finance/Accounting major. I plan on getting an MBA in Finance after my engineering degree. However some Business majors claim getting an MBA with a business degree is more beneficial.
These same Business majors claim that they have a better chance to be CEO's and get laid. I agree Engineering majors are studying a lot of the time and may not have as much free time as business majors to network or have fun. But I still feel most engineers I study with are socially fine, and that we are humble people. I also have read an article in the Wall Street Journal that claims 1 out of every 5 CEO's in Fortune 500 companies are engineers. Sure engineer's have a starting salary of 45K-55K, but engineer's also have a rapid pay increase if they work hard. (just like most jobs)
My father has a PhD in ME and claims I should stay on the path. I guess I just want a little bit more insight onto what is really the best path for me. Also, I tend to get my hopes knocked down easily when I know I'm working so hard to be an engineer and I see these business majors partying it up & having fun all the time, and then claiming that they will have a better lifestyle than me. It just makes me wonder what's the point? Am I headed down the wrong road? Please help me Reddit –Thanks | Please tell me if it's a better choice to switch to being a Business major or maintain my 3.4 GPA in Engineer. |
t3_3wh3ec | relationships | My [22/f] Friend [23/f] is abusive to her Boyfriend & I stood up for him [23/m] now she's pissed at me | I went to my friends house this evening, her boyfriend was over. They've been together for about 6 months, and I've always found her to be rather controlling of him and noticed some other red flags. I've never made comments to her about it since I didn't want to get on her nerves. We're close enough that when she knows I'm coming over I just walk in without ringing the doorbell, I walked in and heard them yelling at eachother from the other room, I walk in and see her hit him. I grabbed her wrist and was like "uhm that's not okay", and she was like "I do it all the time he doesn't care", and I said "well I do" and she told me to let go of her arm and she started like freaking out at me and calling me a bitch, asking why I'm taking her boyfriends side, etc, and I decided to leave. Now a few hours later I texted her boyfriend (assuming he wasn't still at her house) and I asked if he was fine and if he wanted to talk, I get a call immediately after and it's HER and she's like "why the fuck are you trying to hook up with my boyfriend?" and calling me a bunch of rude things, I hung up on her and now I'm ignoring all her texts/calls. What the hell should I do? I'm so lost right now and I had no idea she was this messed up. I'm concerned for her boyfriend, but I don't know if I did the wrong thing by reacting that way or not? Please help my mind is just like all over the place right now | My friend is abusive to her boyfriend, I saw her hit him and she got mad at me for telling her I wasn't okay with it, I texted him later on and she had his phone and she called me swearing at me. |
t3_1b60i9 | relationships | How to continue a hookup relationship [m 18] [f 19] | Not sure if this is the right place, but this does have to do with relationships. I found out that my friend [19 f] thought tht I was hot and would hook up with me after someone asked her in a game of truth or dare (I know, very grade school). I [18 m] happen to find her very attractive, so this was good news. At a later date, her an some othe friends came to visit me at my dorm in college, that brought some booze, and we all drank quite a bit, but spread out over like 8 hours. By the time we a decided to go to sleep (around 6 or so) everyone was starting to come down. They a state the night as to not drink and drive. My friend complained about her back and asked if she could sleep in my bed with me (subtle lol). My other friends slept in my living room (it's apartment style) so we were alone in my room. We mostly jut talked for a while in my bed, but eventually started making out and that led to oral. We would have probably had sex, but she isn't on the pill and I was out of condoms. Both of us seemed to have a good time, and we still text and stuff and it hasn't been awkward. My question is how to initiate this sort of thing again? With both definitely like each other at least physically, but I have no clue how to bring hookup number two around. As for more than hookups, she is really awesome and definitely dating material, but as her friend, I know that she is a bit of a serial cheater, and I don't really wan I get screwed over with that. If you think the whole thing is a bad idea, feel free to say so, but I disagree, so please explain why. | I had a casual drunken hookup with my friend, and it wasnt awkward afterwards. How do I bring around hookup number two? |
t3_37188o | relationships | I [20/M] am beginning to think that my SO [20/F] and I are falling apart, but I'm the only one seeing it. | I (20M) love my partner (20F). She is kind, and intelligent, and beautiful, and all of those other adjectives. But I think I'm getting tired of our (4 year) relationship.
For a start, she doesn't seem to Luke being around me. Nobody else in the world knows that she is capable of anger, by which I mean she bottles all her worldly frustrations up and then unleashes it on me in an unhealthy way. In addition, she doesn't like doing the do, so we have an extremely dead bedroom. There is an aspect of this that is my fault. I'm... a little bi, I guess, so part of me want to know what it's like to have a boyfriend.
The simple answer is "if you're drifting apart, then maybe it's time to consider being up." Well, that's not really an option. First, I'm absolutely dependent. If I didn't have her, I would have nobody and I don't have the skill set to meet people. Second, and probably more significantly, she would be absolutely screwed if we broke up. Her parents live on the other side of the world, so all her stuff is in my parents' garage. She doesn't have any financial backup, and we are uni students so I honestly think she wouldn't be able to survive without me financially. | I'm thinking my relationship is starting to become a little unhealthy but I'm trapped and don't know what to do. Guess I've just gotta come to terms with the situation I'm in :/ |
t3_3f3oho | relationship_advice | [17/M] Should I ask my crush's friend about asking her out? | (First time on this sub so I am not sure what to expect)
I am not really experienced in asking girls out. I just have never really been that interested in too many girls besides maybe a few. But for my HS career, there has been this one girl that I always teased, as a friend, and she would always joke around back. (Side note, this girl is in my "friend group") Than, this summer, she was in a group that I toured overseas with as a musical ambassador. We spent a lot of time together, and on the plan ride back, she wouldn't stop physically touching me and then fell asleep across my lap. Fast forward to now, about a month later, we haven't really talked too much since than. But I can't stop thinking about her. I want to ask her out, but I feel like like it may make things awkward in my group of friends, even though I'm fairly confident that she likes me as well. To get to the point, I ramble on a lot trying to explain everything, should i ask a close ututal friend of both of ours to see what she thinks, or just ask the girl I like directly if she will go out with me? | Should I ask a close mutual friend of my crush and I if it would be awkward if we dated, as I don't want to ruin our friend group? Or just go for it. |
t3_3r13ul | relationships | My [22 M], GF [19 F] of 7 months, wants to remain close friends with her ex who just confessed that he still has feelings for her. | So I have a wonderful girlfriend, and we love and trust each other very much. We kinda have to, since we only get to see each other every 2nd or 3rd week, because of school.
We've promised to tell each other everything, since we're going to be apart from each other so often.
Last night she told me that her ex, the only one she's ever been with besides me, confessed to her that he still very much likes her.
She told him it wasn't gonna happen, but that she hoped they could still stay close friends. Aparently he kept asking her all night why she wouldn't be with him, until he finally gave up.
She told me all of this a couple of hours ago, and I was happy that she decided to share it with me, instead of just hiding it.
I then told her that even though I trust her, I still don't feel comfortable with the two of them hanging out together and remaining good friends.
She told me that if I trust her, I shouldn't have a problem with it.
I would never give her an ultimatum (she asked if I was forbidding her to see him), but I feel hurt by the fact that she can't see anything wrong in what she is doing.
I've been wondering if our opinions are just too different to maintain a relationship, and if I should just break up.
What should I do, and am I in the wrong here? | My GF's ex still likes her a lot, GF wants to remain close friends with him, and I'm not a fan. |
t3_2fw3x9 | relationships | Me [21 F] with met [22 M] on train one month ago, still in contact but I am confused. | Basically, we met in a very rom-com way and had about 40 minutes together. We really hit it off and added each other on Facebook.
I am English and he's American and we met in New York City. That day, I was heading off to travel the country for a month before returning to NY for university at the end of September (so in a week or so). He told me he lives about 3 hours out of the city himself.
At first, the messages on Facebook were cheeky and light, not overly flirtatious or stiflingly frequent, it was nice. About two weeks after our meeting however, I saw via the newsfeed that he was travelling with his family to Canada for a 2 week holiday. We didn't talk about in the chat.
This made me really sad as I realised that we didn't really know each other and that he probably wasn't going to message me again. I kept re-watching 'He's just not that into you' and advice from male friends took the line of 'he was probably just being friendly' despite my argument of 'why would he be messaging me to be nice, he had to obligation to be friendly'.
Anyway, last week I receive another message from him. After two weeks and a holiday, he messages me on the day he got home (and yes, he was liking my photos whilst away so he was clearly able to get Facebook while there).
I really don't know what to make of this, I mean the holiday was the perfect opportunity to cut contact if he wanted to. Our universities are only an hour away from each other but we have not made any plans to meet up there yet. When I'd ask him what parts of the country I should visit, he would always say his hometown. | met a guy on the train, have been messaging on Facebook ever since. He left the chat for two weeks to go on holiday and has since resumed chat and I don't know what to make of it. |
t3_1jdy9k | personalfinance | Start to pay off student loans before they're due or put $ in savings? | I am in a sort of unique situation and am wondering what the best course if action would be.
I am currently a full time live in nanny, making $320 a week, $1280 a month. I have no bills and few expenses, as my housing/utilities/phone/pretty much everything is provided by my employer (it's a pretty sweet deal). I am finishing up my undergrad degree online, which my parents will be helping me pay for (they haven't given me solid numbers for what they can contribute toward that yet, but I expect to pay for half). I also have $23000 in private student loans through Wells Fargo, which I must start paying back 6months after I graduate in May. My SO and I plan on moving in together/ possibly getting engaged next fall, at which point I'll need a new job and some $ saved up for moving and security deposits, etc. Obviously I'll be living frugally and saving every penny I can from my current job.
My question is: should I start paying back my student loans early? Or save up so that I have plenty of $ for when they are due? Does it matter? (They are not currently accruing interest.) | live in nanny with few expenses, save $ now to pay off loans when they are due or start paying them off now? |
t3_1g70pa | relationships | We [m, 21] & [f,23] are annoyed with my sister [f, 24]. We asked to her to help with the music for our wedding... | Obviously a throw away account here (sister is on reddit).
So. I am getting married in less than a month and I asked my sister to make two playlists (one for eating, one for dancing) from songs we (my fiancee and I) already chose.
First, she changes it from using an ipod (with the playlists already on there) to using a netbook (not hooked up to the internet, so no one can put a different song on). Not a big deal.
However, I wake up this morning with two screen shots from her (one of each playlist) in an email. After looking them over with my fiancee, we noticed that she included songs (that we never heard of), and kept a total of 8 original songs from both play lists.
(Small rant: She got rid of all slow songs but one. She added songs I despise with a passion (anything from Grease, & Cyndi Lauper. She did this without asking. She said she changed everything because the rhythm didn't flow. And in her exact words "i'm keeping it *exactly* the way it is. you put me in charge of music after all. " GAHHHHHH XC)
We (he and I) spent hours going over these songs, consulting with his side of the family, and the church, to know what would be fine for the wedding. (Small note, this is one of the things he wanted to have input in.)
I sent her an email for her to go back to the original songs, and that if she wanted to add some, she could, if she asked first. That she wasn't "in charge of the music" (as she put it), but was doing this as a favor for us. (We could do it, but we are working on the (homemade) programs, favors, etc).
How can we get her to change it back to the original song list? (We wrote her, saying she could add songs (but do not omit the ones we already chose) if she would just ask us. Should I just do it myself? | We(my fiancee and I) are a tad annoyed with my sister; she changed my whole reception playlist, without asking. It is three weeks til I get married. |
t3_33m3b7 | relationships | I (17m) hit my girlfriend (15f) | Ive been dating my girlfriend for a year now. In the past we had problems with her talking to her ex and lying to me about it. This lack of trust caused us to take a break for 2 months this past December. We got back together with her promising to always be honest with me.
A couple days ago she gave me her phone to hold and while I was she got a snapchat from the ex. I was really pissed and asked her if she was talking to him again and she denied it even though the proof was right there! Then she ripped her phone out of my hand and told me she was done talking to me. I was so mad about her lying to my face and then walking away that I lost control of myself. I hit her HARD on her back as she walked away. She immediately freaked out and called me names and I felt guilty.
Just so you guys know shes hit me before too, like slapped me on my arm and even pulled my hair, and Id never do something like punch her or slap her face.
Yesterday I got a text from her saying that she has a bruise on her back and Im a horrible person. I feel like one, I never thought Id hit a woman but now Ive done it. How do I move past this? And how do I get my girlfriend to forgive me? | I lost control of my anger and hit my girlfriend on her back, she's saying I'm a horrible person, how do I get past this & get her to forgive me. |
t3_13l0l5 | running | Thought I had been running slow enough, then went superslow and crashed | **Some background**
With 10 years of no running, (and no cycling, hiking, etc the 9 months prior to first run) it took me 2 weeks to run 5km sub 30:00, 2 months of very casual running to break 11k in 1:12:48. This year (before I started running seriously) I had been running 50km in 6 months (216km in the last 10 years basically) and did a half marathon in training in less than 2 hours.
I believe this is relevant, but not quite sure how; there is obviously some running ability present even though my fitness has been extremely low. It might have fooled me to think my fitness has been better than the reality.
Now, 500km later i've been running more than everyone I know, but I haven't really seen the progress I was expecting the last few months other than stronger legs and and some more endurance. So I decided to do some research and ended up getting familiar with names like [Karvonen] and [Maffetone]
**And now for the important part**
With Karvonen's HR formula I had been training between 5-10 bpm too high (I just used HRmax * 0.8), and with Maffetone saying that you should start even lower I decided to drop my HR from an average 150-152 to sub-140.
Today I ran a 14k run with ONLY what was supposed to be my aerobic zone with the new calculations, and after 11km I crashed hard. The last 3km was much harder than when I did a 19km run with 400m (1300 ft) elevation, with my pace dropping 15% and my heart rate refusing to drop when walking.
My conclusion so far is that I haven't trained my aerobic system as well as I thought since I just followed the <80% of HRmax rule, and my aerobic zone is is much lower. The fact that I wasn't able to run my usual distance when I slowed down was quite a surprise, and I wonder if anyone else has similar experiences..
According to Maffetone I shouldn't be afraid to stick with even lower HR, but never above... so I guess I won't be impressing anyone for a while | Calculated aerobic zone too high with hrmax, then crashed running shorter and slower than usual based on karvonen's formula/maffetone |
t3_10zjcg | AskReddit | Reddit I need your creativity to make something awesome. | Hey Reddit, next Thursday I have a day during spirit week in which we dress up as a superhero, I plan on dressing up in formal clothing with a name tag that says "Hello my name is Bruce Wayne" I plan on wearing this until second period. when second period comes, I plan on having my friend call me and setting my ring tone to the old Batman theme song, I will then answer it and scream my city needs me and dart out of the class room. This is where Reddit comes in, I'm not sure what to do after I run out of the class room, I have a full Batman suit that I'm going to change in to, but what do I do after that? Walk in, in a Batman suit and act like nothing ever happend? I need your creativity on how to end this. | Gonna come to school as Bruce Wayne, run out of my classroom screaming my city need me, change into a Batman suit, then I need you guys to help decide what to do after that. |
t3_3fr5br | relationships | Me [20 F] with most of my friends [20-25 F's], I feel like my insecurity and self esteem from past relationships/friendships has lead to me ruining my newer friendships. How do I overcome this? | I don't want to make this too long, but basically I had some shitty friends in my younger years (all through K-12), and it was only in college that I really made some good friends. I had to transfer schools because of academic reasons after 2 years (switched majors), and as a result I lost some friends because of the distance.
I feel like as a result of the shitty friends when I was younger and some of the friends that lost contact after I transferred I'm very paranoid about my friends not liking me or just pretending to be friends with me. There are very few close friends I don't have this worry about.
Recently I've been worried that a friend I've made about 6 months back through work doesn't like me anymore now that she doesn't work with me anymore. But in reality I think I'm just getting insecure about the friendship and ruining it myself by becoming clingy and overthinking it.
Why am I having these issues even now that i'm older? How can I stop ruining my friendships because of the things that I'm most likely just making up in my head? How do I know if these people actually don't like vs me just being paranoid? | Shitty friendships in the past have made me paranoid about people. I feel like this has led me to ruin my own friendships. Very recently I think I've been pushing a friend away with this insecurity. |
t3_4fns9w | relationships | Me [23/M] am about to break up with my gf[23/F] of 1.5 years, is this the right call? | We started when we were in our last year of university. I went to Erasmus program and came back (we were supposed to go together, but she changed her mind last minute). I had a crush on her the first year, and we got close once in a while but never been together, the erasmus thing was the closests we got, but it didn't happen.
When I came back, we started talking. Eventually, we became a couple. It was me, finally being with the girl I wanted to be for so long, doing everything to please her. Time passed, We had couple of small fights, but it was okay. We went to another city to work in the summer at different hotels, we had fun, we had terrible nights.
When we came back, it was over, the school, everything. We had to work now. Our work hours did not meet with each other, so we had 2-3 days a week to see each other. It went on and on, and we started fighting a lot. I didn't have the energy to please her like I used to when we were both students. I didn't have time to spend to myself, because if I had a free time, we had to meet each other since our free times are so limited.
This made me tired, and we had fights because of this.
Now, in 20 minutes, I'll meet her, and I'll break up with her. There are so many things I havent told in this post, but they are mostly about me fucking up, or her doing the same. | Relationship started after a huge amount of time with many ups and downs, the start was okay but once we got into the real life, I didn't have the energy to make her happy, or myself. |
t3_3fw98d | tifu | TIFU by opening my door when two old ladies knocked to invite me to a play about Jesus. | Literally just happened this morning.
I was sitting in my living room when the doorbell starts ringing. I used to live way in the country and now live in suburbia. This is my first summer at home from college in the new house, so I'm not familiar with people going door to door because we lived all the way out in bumfuck nowhere and if someone came to our door it was important.
Anyways I open the door to see these two smiling old ladies on my doorstep. Before I can see what they're holding in their hands, my Cockapoo starts barking insanely loud right behind me and I instinctively exclaim "JESUS ZIGGY CALM DOWN."
I then bring my attention to the women, and what they were holding, which turned out to be this:
Except I noticed the older of the two was shaking very noticeably, and as she proceeded to give me the whole spiel about Jesus and the big event they have going on, her shaking gets worse. She starts stammering and the other woman puts her arm around her.
Realizing that I have fucked up, I start being very cordial and say thank you several times (probably too many times). By the time she finishes she can barely support herself and is carried away by the other woman who looks back and gives me the nastiest stank eye I've seen from an elderly woman.
I'm so going to hell. | Accidentally screamed "JESUS" when opening the door for a pair of elderly Christian women, and possibly gave one of them a seizure. |
t3_16s9dg | offmychest | I'm the one that fucking got you out of your parents. | I am the only reason you got out of your parents, you told me all the time how you needed out, how you needed to move and be free for them, so I stuck my neck out and asked for the whole place and that would make me fucked if you ever moved out, and you told me that's fine because if I ever moved you would follow me, even to another town and everything. So I guess it started when you got a dog and were to lazy too train it but I let it go, hell you were even too lazy to take it out side so you got it to use puppy pads. Fine I gave up it was just your issue if you got in shit for it and lost your Damage deposit. Then there was the fact that you bought a SECOND dog without asking me your roommate or even our landlady, well that was a big fuck you, saying you don't have too it's your place and all this shit like it's not something most people would ask their roommate. FINE i even let that go, but when they started barking and both were using puppy pads I got on edge but kept my mouth shut, then it because December and you haven't been home since well before Christmas except to drop off the rent for January, then you walk in here today like i'm not even your friend, you just walk in tell me you found a place and grab your coat and boots then are outta here, NOT EVEN TELLING ME FOR WHEN! well now I'm fucked and needing to move, I'm getting royally screwed no wonder I wanted to only live alone, and hell that's all I'm going to do is live alone, no one else. EVER | put my neck out to help a friend move out of their parents and now they are screwing me over and I have to move. |
t3_yk85r | AskReddit | Most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you or someone else (possibly NSFW) | Ok I'll go first. It was in late grade seven in visual art class and I really had to take a dump but I was really into my drawing to I decided not to go when I needed to. About ten minutes later I was holding out pretty well until I let out the biggest fart of my life and about half of my shit came out. To others it was just a big fart but I was about to die inside. So I go to the teacher and ask for a bathroom pass and go to the washroom. As soon as I put my ass on the toilet seat I shit like crazy but while I was taking it, I didn't realise that the giand turd that I let out earlier fell on the floor and when I finish up and get up I step in it. So now my new shoes my ass and my underwear are covered in shit. I try to clean my shoes as best as I can but it's not use, they will and always smell like my shit. So I walk back into class really nervous that someone would notice that I reeked of my own shit. I sit down at my table and for a few seconds nobody noticed and the one of my friends says: holly shit! What's that smell?. And I try not to notice but after a lot smelling me and denial from me they figured out that it was me who was making the entire class smell like fecal matter. When they found out everyone freaked out and it pretty much wrecked the rest of my day and my social life for the rest of 7th grade. | Shat my pants in the middle of class, steped in it and reeked of it for the rest of the day |
t3_4d1hp5 | relationships | My [21] Mom [52F] and sister[23] are really pushing me to move back home. | I guess I'm just kind of stuck on what to do.
I just recently moved out, and I'm doing ok, but I've been having problems with my family.
My mom calls me every single day to ask if I can come over. And she gets mad when I say no. She also gets mad that I don't come over every single full weekend. She called me at 8 am this morning to ask to come over.
My sister encourages her, too. My sister spends ALL of her free time at my parents house. She has a husband and he's there all the time, too. She messaged me at 9:30 am saying "hey, we're going to come to your apartment and get you!"
They've been talking about how "you'll have so much more cooked food if you moved back here." Or stuff like that ALL time.
And yes, I do spend time with them. I stay the night there every Saturday night, and I stay all Sunday. So I stay Saturday and Sunday with her. Every week.
I'm tired of it, I don't think I should have to be at my moms house every chance I get. Then I might as well live with her.
Am I wrong? Should I go over there more? I just Dont know what to do. They are constantly making me feel bad, guilt tripping me. It sucks. | My mom wants me to come over every day, I go there every Saturday and Sunday. Problems happen and now she's mad. |
t3_2t550f | relationships | Me [21 M] with my ex[21 F] together for 2 years, dumped me twice(1 month since last breakup), added me on fb and liked instagram pic | So, she dumped me right before christmas holidays, and I've been miserable since. Told me she didnt know what she wanted, and I deserve better. (Same as the first break up). I initiated NC, deleted her fb, unfollowed her on instagram.
A month or so later, she added me on fb, I was at the gym so I didnt have my phone with me and the request was gone within 2-3 hours that I away from the phone. Next day, we had a quick eye contact but I just gave her the cold shoulder. A few days after that, she liked a picture that I uploaded a couple days before. I got interested in what her twitter says and its all sad quotes such as "The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained", "The best things can't be explained, just felt" and "What wouldn't we do for the ones that deserve it".
Is this something shes doing to make me come back to her or something? | Ex added me on fb after I deleted her after a month of NC, liked one of my recent pics on instagram and tweeted sad quotes. What does this all mean? |
t3_s86pj | relationships | Boyfriend is thinking of joining the military, I want to work as a scientist...how is life as a military spouse? | I'm not sure if r/relationships is the right place to ask, but here we go....
**Background**: We're 27/26, I'm from Europe, he's American. We've been in a long distance relationship for roughly 5 years (yay for airline miles!). This fall I'm completing my MSc and plan to move to the US to live with him - if this works out, we're definitely thinking of marriage.
**Dilemma**: After graduating college, he decided to pursue his dream of becoming a pilot. Since his dad had already served in the Army, he's considering the military route - mainly to prevent the exorbitant costs of flight training, but also for other benefits (insurance etc). While this sounds reasonable, I don't feel comfortable about my partner risking his life for goals I don't support, as I'm fairly anti-war and not very patriotic (naturally). Needless to say we'll have to face further time apart from each other, and will have to relocate often. As an aspiring scientist, this probably doesn't work with what I'd like to do (academic research, getting a PhD), and I also don't like the thought of raising kids mostly alone.
**Question**: Obviously, "Is it worth it?" is something we'll ultimately have to figure out ourselves (the answer is most likely no), but my boyfriend was arguing that his mum dealt with it well, and that many of my fears are exaggerated since I don't know what it's really like. So, here we are: | What should I expect if I'd become a military spouse, being a rather cynical European (i.e. not patriotic/religious)? Are there any military spouses here that work in science/research, is that feasible at all? |
t3_11n33b | relationships | My [27m] curiosity about my girlfriends[28f] exes has me in a rut, advice please. [5 months] | Question up front: I'm looking for words of wisdom or perspective altering advice for dealing with a girlfriends past.
Story time: My girlfriend of 5 months and I were getting ready for bed last night and we start talking about her ex-husband, which I knew about. Nothing really new of note there, but we somehow got started on the topic of what happened after the marriage ended and what happened before I came into the picture relationship wise. Bad idea, but my curiosity got the better of me at that moment in time.
Nothing really threw me off, some randoms here and there, except from January-April of this year she was fuck-buddies with this doctor in his 40s. Stories about him taking her on trips to exotic lands followed, that unsettling feeling where you're trying to hide your anguish and not knowing if you're doing a good job soon followed.
Now, I'm sure that's standard fare for a decent number people about to hit 30 to have that sort of past at some point in their life story, but it has me totally mind fucked, how could I live up to that?
Am I comparing myself to those that have come before me to the extreme? After falling asleep with it on my mind and thinking about it throughout the day. I don't want to let this affect how I feel about this girl. I know she's with me now and the past is in the past, but I can't shake this feeling that I can't live up to the time and experiences she had with this guy basically right before we started dating. | Discussion about her exploits before me has rustled my jimmies. What can I tell myself that could put this type of comparison to past lovers into perspective. Thanks in advance for any replies. |
t3_4m4xef | Advice | What is this feeling? | I'm in my final semester right now and I'm sitting on a massive opportunity to get a job right out of the gate and I'm really appreciative of that. I honestly am. But I need to start off with some context.
I spent all of 2015 and the first part of 2016 overseas studying and travelling. I was dumped by the long distance girlfriend at the time and since I've been back home I've wanted nothing more than to leave again. To go back to where I studied and actually work there. I've been going after dreams and setting goals every week. Smashing them all as I go by.
But now, I'm in the final stage of this opportunity, I have the final interview phase tomorrow and if I pass that stage I'll be sent overseas for 5 months training at company headquarters while being salaried (I told you it's kind of an amazing opportunity.)
My issue: I'm feeling so weird and disconnected from everything and everyone. I felt the same in the last couple months before I came home and now I'm feeling it again. That I won't be staying in one place for too long, that i'll always be temporary. That I'll never be able to find someone in the one place because I don't want to be unfair and leave because I don't know when I'll be back.
I feel that I can actually take the opportunity with both hands because there's no one really around me that's holding me back. No one here at home is a reason to stay, not to say I don't have friends. But I have no pressing matters that are dictating whether or not I can't leave. | I'm looking another opportunity dead in the eye and I'm a mix of excited and scared shitless. What do? |
t3_b2uai | AskReddit | Dear "Moral" Redditors: About the cheating incident. | [In regards to this](
Let's start with asking, have you ever eye witnessed the person you loved blowing another guy, (or getting blown by another girl). No? You are dismissed from this conversation.
So, you witness your loved one performing/getting oral sex, and you still think what the guy did was just as heartless?
Let me ask you, please, how on Earth is it just as heartless?
Basically what this guy did was say he caught her, pretended to throw out a ring (insinuating he was going to propose) and that's about it. The other stuff was just immature.
Please, show me the light, I am not seeing how she is even hurt by this. The fact that she cheated proves she didn't give a shit about him one way or another. Can you honestly stand there and say she loved him? Well she didn't, or else she wouldn't have cheated. It's like when you say to a cop, I am sorry for speeding, you really are not because if you were you would not have been speeding. | guy breaks up with heartless bitch, *moral* Redditors say he is just as bad, try to help me understand how. |
t3_10dna3 | AskReddit | What topic do you recommend? | Ok folks so at my school its once again time to pick our end of year project for science class, we get all year to work on it, its in the form of a annotated bibliography. This year however i want to change it up, instead of just doing one on something i already know, i want to learn about something interesting! So id like your help by just finding a topic and give a brief summary of why you think its really interesting. all announce the one i pick and then when the project is done il submit for you all to see! | help me find a topic for my end of your chemistry course submit idea and why you think its interesting, i have to be able to make an annotated bibliography out of it. |
t3_2w42tv | relationships | My [20M] girlfriend's [20F] skin issues | So, my girlfriend and I have been dating a year and a half. Her whole life, she's had bad skin. We're not talking acne, we're talking "crocodile-level dryness", as she puts it. She's scaly all over her body, her hands crack and bleed when it's cold out, and she won't take care of it at all.
My girlfriend is busy, I get that. Personal care is not one of her top priorities when she has school, work, clubs, etc. She doesn't really exercise either, but hey, neither do I. But the skin issue is a tremendous source of anxiety for her.
We haven't had sex yet (mutual decision), but she will not take her jeans off at all, no matter what. A few days ago I asked if she wanted a massage, and I got out the lotion. She just shut down and wouldn't let me rub her legs or back at all, she seemed very insecure.
Her feet are probably the worst part. They're calloused, bleeding, peeling, the works. She told me that pedicurists have laughed in her face before. Yet she won't even try to take care of them, she doesn't see the point. She always wears socks and sneakers as a result, to cover them up. I'm not a foot fetishist or anything, but they're not very attractive feet but could be fixed with some TLC.
I always tell her that she's beautiful. Regarding her skin, I tell her all it needs is a little love, and that I'd be happy to massage her or give her foot rubs. She just laughs it off. Is there anything that can be done or should I just let it go? | Girlfriend has insane dry skin but won't take care of it. She also insists it's not a medical problem and won't see a dermatologist. |
t3_4ego0u | relationships | Me [17F] stopped my step brother [17M] from beating up a bully. Did I do the right thing? | Hi guy's so I am kind of conflicted on whether or not I did the right thing.
we go to school together in Florida this morning myself and my step brother arrived at school, and we have this guy at our school who is a notorious ass hole. He will make comments towards you for no reason especially guys he deems uncool.
My step brother has done Muy Thai since he was 7 years old and is a black belt, he is working towards a second degree or what ever you call it .
Anyway this guy saw my brother and yelled " fuck boy". My step brother stopped walking dropped his bag and started walking towards him rolling up his sleeves.
I grabbed his arm to stop him saying it is not worth it, your just going to get in trouble. He pulled away from me and two of my guy friends came over to help hold him back.
I have never seen him like that, it was like this state where all he wanted to do is kick this guy's ass.
I am kinda conflicted though, did I do the right thing. This guy gives almost everyone the a rough time, he is pig headed. My step brother has not talked to me or my friends all day, he seems legitimately pissed and I am scared that stopping him has put a strain on us.
Did I do the right thing? because I am really doubting myself. | stopped my step brother who is almost a black belt in muy thai from beating up a bully, did I do the right thing |
t3_288tzb | offmychest | Dear Asshole Neighbors, | I am no anthropologist, and I am not familiar with the mores and norms of your household. It's uncommon for any of us on this street to interact beyond a friendly wave, maybe a nod when we catch each other's gaze. However, even in this tepid atmosphere of perpetual topor, there are rules - I've learned the silent code over nearly three decades.
I have a five month old who has a fragile disposition when it comes to sleep. I am like a grouchy samurai when she goes to bed, keeping watch and order so that nothing disturbs her. Your goddamn fireworks are inexcusable. You don't shoot them off on national holidays - the meaning of your random, semi-frequent celebrations is a mystery, presumably related to the warmer weather and nothing else. You either have too many fucking birthdays or you take too many trips out of state to buy your illicit shitstorming cacophony missiles.
When these things explode my dog gets nervous and my baby jumps in her sleep. In the same breath I pray she doesn't wake up and I curse you and everything you love. Then I contemplate calling the police, going over to confront you, or just burning your house down later that night. In those fantasies I hope that you and the orgy you must be hosting are trapped in a drunken stupor and all perish from smoke inhalation.
Perhaps you should consider a different activity for your bizarre and riotous celebrations. While we can't so much hear the cavorting unless I step outside, the fireworks are very impressive. I assume you drove all the way down to the set of Deliverance to buy ordinance like that. A shame you didn't wind up like Ned Beatty.
-signed, Exhausted and Aggravated | don't shoot off illegal fireworks at night in a residential neighborhood where babies are trying to sleep and parents are trying to stay sane |
t3_2zjfje | relationships | What's happening to me? [17F] | I have a damn good life. I have a pretty good group of close friends and an amazing boyfriend who I've been with for 4 1/2 months. Up until the last few weeks, I have been very content with my life. I had absolutely nothing to complain about. A few weeks ago my boyfriend and I had a little weird stage we went through. We were both just really weird and at one point, I thought we were gonna break up. He is the best thing in my life and this really spooked me.
Also, my best friend has been spending a lot of time with her boyfriend and making no time for me or our other friends. She was consumed with her SO so I felt like we weren't the same anymore. This spooked me also.
Do you know when you're anxious about something and you get that heavy feeling in your chest? That's how I've felt the last week and a half or so. My boyfriend and I are great again and same with me and my best friend. But I still have this heavy weight on my heart. I thought it was from the initial worry that my relationship with my boyfriend and best friend were gonna end. Now I keep overthinking about the tightness in my chest and I can't focus on anything else. I don't feel like myself and I question how I really feel about everyone in my life, including my boyfriend.
I'm terrified. I know that all the people in my life are amazing and I'm scared that I'm gonna lose them solely because I'm acting weird like this. | Everything going good in my life, have a never ending feeling of anxiety (heavy heart). Am overthinking all my relationships with the people I love. What's wrong with me? |
t3_277uce | relationships | Me [28 M] with my GF [27 F] 2 year, don't want marriage, or living together | We have been together two years, and things have been great.
She is feeling pressured (not by me, but by "society") that things need to progress. People at our age in love with each other are supposed to want to live together, get married and have kids.
The problem is, that neither of us do. We enjoy our independence.
She is worried that because she doesn't want this (and neither do I) that we don't really love each other enough.
I personally believe that all relationships are different and that we're fine as we are now. Maybe in the future things will change and we will want to take things further. The problem is that this is stressing her out and putting strain on our relationship recently.
How do I convince her to ignore "what everyone else does", and we are ok doing our own thing if it makes us happy? | She feels pressured that couples at this stage in our lives/relationship are supposed to "take the next step". We both feel the same about our independence, but this pressure is putting strain on our relationship. |
t3_3arkzx | offmychest | These medical bills are driving me insane! | In my first six months of having a job and having my own insurance (thank god I was actually on insurance) I had to get an emergency appendectomy. I had never had surgery in my life and didn't know what to expect regarding bills. 1 month after my surgery I got a $300 bill for the CT scan. 2 Months after I get an $800 bill for the surgery itself. Sucks, but I kinda expected this; I at least thought it was over.
I walk in the door today 4 months after the surgery to find a $2000 bill from the anesthesiologist.
I'm a lucky dude regardless of this shitty situation but I do feel a little blindsided by these bills coming in so late. To be fair though I did choose the insurance with the highest deductible thinking nothing bad could happen. | Had already paid $1500 out of pocket for my surgery; came home today 4 months after to another $2000 bill. |
t3_4sdljy | relationships | Me [45 F] with my son [11 M], friend passed away and funeral is today | A couple of weeks ago my sons friend died in a freak accident, it was completely shocking and horrific. He isn't aware of the details, but we broke the news to him as soon as we found out and have spoke about it many times with him.
He has cried about it, asked questions and spoken about it with his older siblings (who have also recently lost a friend) and seemed to be okay with it (considering the circumstances).
Leading up to the funeral, we have talked about it and explained what he is to expect, etc. This is his first funeral, so we have made sure that he is aware of everything.
But today is the day, and he has broken down in the morning and says he doesn't want to go. I have no idea what to do. Do I push him to go? I am worried that he will regret it later, as he is a kid who doesn't like to do new things. But at the same time, I don't want to pressure him to do something he doesn't want to do.
Advice, please? | Sons good friend died and his funeral is today. Son was always wanting to go until today. Do I push him to go, or let him skip it? |
t3_2w9e8s | relationships | Me [30 m] with my SO [29 f] a year, break up due to lack of physical attraction on my side. | I was with this girl fof almost a year, we had a great relationship most of the time, we would stay up all night talking or having sex. We would text each other everyday, spend all day talking, when together we would kiss and hug constantly. I liked a lot of things about her both physically and emotionally.
The only issue I had was naked I didn't find her that physically appealing and in the light of day I couldn't stay hard unless I or she stimulted me and but I'd always lose my erection before penetration. When the lights were off or we used a bed side table light I was fine, if she was dressed I found her body hot and she was incredibly pretty.
She got upset after all of this And broke up with me. | couldn't have sex with lights on due to gf not appealing to me totally naked and we broke up. Was I out of order for continuing the relationship? |
t3_tyq6q | BreakUps | Troubles Moving On After Messy 4 year Relationship, Desperate For Advice | 23 (F) here, ex is 24 (m). Please be patient to read this tangle of thorns...
We had dated nearly 2 years between 2008 and 2010, then broke up in May 2010, got back together again, and dated for a another year. We then broke up in April of 2011, then spent all of last summer hooking up every couple of weeks (very low and embarrassing, felt really used, but wanted to be with him).
Fall 2011 came around and we hooked up a couple times, then I found out he was sleeping with a mutual friend of ours. I flipped out, cut contact and didn't really speak to him from October until December, until he contacted me around Christmas.
From December to January we spent a considerable amount of time together, almost hooked up, but by that time, I had started casually seeing another boy, and I didn't feel comfortable giving into the ex. He found out I was seeing someone else, and it was his turn to flip his shit.
Since February, things have been very awkward between the two of us. He goes weeks without speaking to me, and then contacts me out of the blue. I break No Contact and then feel miserable for doing so.
I know that No Contact is the best option but I feel so weak. He is a lousy boyfriend and things just haven't worked out and I'm dating a new guy at the moment and he is wonderful. But I am still in love with my ex (not the person he has become, but the boy I fell in love with). | Very messy on-off relationship for the past four years. Trying to move on, still in love with ex-boyfriend who gives mixed signals. No Contact fails because of secret desire to make things work again. |
t3_1kzll4 | relationships | Girlfriend [26F] doesn't seem to like sex with me [29M]... will it get better? | I've been with my girlfriend just under two years, and she's phenomenal. I won't bore you with details, but I REALLY love this girl, except for one thing...
She's always got an excuse not to have sex. She's tired (she only works 40 hours), she's not in the mood, it hurts (I'm not that big), her stomach hurts, her head hurts, SOMETHING hurts... there's almost always some excuse that I either have to talk her out of, or that kills it altogether.
It's not quite a dead bedroom... I'd say we do it 4 times a week... but I'm more of a two-or-three-times-a-day kind of guy. I'm very worried that if our relationship progresses... she moves in, we get a dog, we get married, we have kids, etc etc... I'm worried that I will never get laid again, and be trapped in a sexless marriage.
For the record, I'm a little less attractive than she is, but I'm not unattractive by any means. Women hit on me, so I figure this is not an appearance/grooming/hygiene issue. Also, I don't want to get graphic or anything but I know damn well that I am good in bed.
I love this girl and I don't want to break up... but I don't want to give up sex for life starting when I'm 30, either. Will it ever get better, and what can I do to make it better??! | If a girl enjoys sex, but doesn't appear to want it very often, is there ANYTHING you can do to make her want it more??? |
t3_29go0b | relationships | Me [29 M] not over [23/F] over at all. Been nearly 4 months. | TO put it quite simply. we stop talking months ago. I've improved my life a lot where I am actually genuinely happy, been a long time coming I say. I've posted on here that I still miss her.
However, about a month ago I had dream about her. well, it turns out that I fell in love with that girl and didn't even realize it. Its hard for me, because all I want is that back. I've tried dating but my effort around it isn't there. I even ditch a girl that I took to party, because for one she was horrible date but on top of that my heart was just not into it.
My friends, went as well and they were egging me on to work my game and get laid. In fact, one of my friends that went with me to the party is the girl's friend that I dated.
I'll admit its easier bring her up especially around the mutual friend. we actually talk about her from time to time but nothing really about her life and so on. Her and I have gotten quite close, even as meeting some of my friends. As this point, I ask myself maybe one day we will see each other again. I dare even say date again. but who knows., I don't know even know at this point if I wanna move on, even thought I am trying really hard too. So many good things are happening in my life but it seems like its not I want I really want, I just want this girl back. | NC for 4 months, realized that I fell in love with this girl. want her back. Still want to move on though, but don't know how. |
t3_3hzp3e | tifu | Tifu by Impersonating Tech Support | Last night I partied pretty hard in a well known college town with my best friend who had just moved back in state. Everything was going great; liquor flowed from the taps, music was loud and obnoxious, and I ran into a couple friends from the college. It was making out to be a good night.
A little back story on my fuck up. My last job, which I left last year, was tech support for restaurants. The bar we were at happened to have been a client, although not one I had ever actually had to support.
After the bar had closed and I was sufficiently intoxicated, for reasons I cannot explain the morning after. I knocked on the door and talked my way past the bouncers, managers, and bartenders into their closed bar in the guise of "you called for tech support" embarrassing the hell out of sober self
Called my old boss this morning to fess up which went better than expected. Bought him a large gift card to his favorite restaurant as repayment | got drunk, impersonated my old tech support job at 2am and they let drunk me in to work on their computers. Never going back. |
t3_2xv86d | relationships | Me [26F] with wife [24F] of 2 years. She's either bipolar or has borderline personality disorder. I can handle it, but I feel like she's not putting much effort into trying to get better. She blatently refuses professional help. | Title pretty much explains it all. We got married two years ago. I knew she was high maintenance, and I'm okay with that. We love each other very much.
She's either bipolar or has borderline personality disorder. She's undiagnosed, because she refuses to see a therapist. She's afraid of looking crazy before people.
I've tried talking to her about this, but this is kind of a touchy subject. She knows she has a lot of issues and that her reactions to some minor issues are not normal. I can handle the mood swings and whatnot, but her refusal to seek professional help has caused me to think she's becoming resigned - "he can handle it, so there is no need to get better", or something like that.
This has been bothering me a lot lately. I'd like to help her, but I don't know how to approach the issue. She gets all upset when I try talking about it.
I want to work things out, and I'd like advice that points in that way. I don't want to break up, nor to give her an ultimatum. | Wife has issues that require professional help and yet, she refuses it. Gets all upset when I try to talk to her. How do I proceed? |
t3_170n00 | relationships | I (25F) want to travel the world. My SO (24M) does not. | I've been with my SO for 3 years and most things are great. Last year, I moved across the globe to join him for a year in another country (he had a job lined up there, I found something upon arriving). It was great! We lived together, travelled around for awhile and after a year returned to our home in the US.
I felt conflicted about returning and we talked about staying another year, but ultimately we decided to return. He was eager to get a career started (one he cannot do in a foreign country). Initially, I was satisfied coming home, seeing old friends and family. It's been about 6 months, and for the last 5 months I have been thinking nonstop about how to continue seeing the world, traveling, etc.
I spend a lot of time planning how to move back, saving money to have an extended RTW trip, etc. I have talked to my SO, and even tho he wants to do the same in an ideal world, doesn't really want to be gone for so long and doesn't really feel like he can because of his work, student loans, etc.
I have talked to him about saving and doing a RTW trip together in a few years, when his loans are not as large and trying to problem solve. We've discussed marriage a lot lately, too. He says he cannot commit to doing a trip like that with me and doesn't know if he really wants to. I feel like I'm young and it's something I have to do.
I am at the point of going without him within the next year, which we've discussed. He feels like me traveling and being away will put our relationship in jeopardy and he can't guarantee he can do long distance with me for so long. I will also miss him a lot and feel lonely along the way, I think.
I love him and want to be with him, but I also want to travel and see the world while I am still young. I also don't want to throw away such a great relationship that I can really see being a successful lifelong partnership. Any advice? | I want to see the world and travel for 1 year+. SO of 3+ years, does not and isn't sure he can commit to being in a relationship with me long distance. |
t3_3zbcdb | relationships | Me [18 M] with my now ex-girlfriend [17 F] of a year, she "fell out of love" but wants to stay friends that act liek we are dating. What to do? | So we had been together for a year and 3 months and we've had our issues but nothing this bad. 2 days ago we were talking and something was up so I asked her. After 5 minutes of trying to get her to tell me she said it was something she didn't want to admit to herself. She said she fell out of love with me. Apparently to her this means no more spark when we kiss or not enjoying everything she used to do with me.
So in the end we broke up. It really sucks. But then the kicker. She said she still wants me in her life. So she wanted to be best friends. I asked what this entailed and she said she still wanted the hugs and the talking to each other and me to continue to drive her to school. She also wants to go to the next school dance together (She already asked me but now it would be as friends). She also wants to plan a birthday party for me in a month. She also hinted at wanting to stay FWB. I said I'd think on it(I dont want that). I also jokingly said "Aww I can't grab your butt anymore" and her response was yes I can. I don't understand it. She "Fell out of love" but still wants basically me to be her boyfriend. What gives? | Girlfriend broke up because she didn't feel a spark anymore when we kissed. Now wants to do everything that people in a relationship do. What? |
t3_17bnwi | self | Stuff Stolen While Staying at a Big Name Hotel in Miami - What do I do? | My boyfriend is staying in a hotel in Miami (I won't say which, but one of the heiresses is named after a city in France) for the Half Marathon this weekend.
This morning, he had a Macbook and a | Boyfriend had $1500 worth of stuff stolen from hotel room. Always lock away your expensive possessions in the safe if possible! |
t3_whaqh | AskReddit | A phone number I don't recognize is harassing me. What are my options? | A phone number I don't recognize has been harassing me and threatening me through text messages. Luckily, this idiot didn't block his number. I don't trust those stupid reverse directory sites that charge you an arm and a leg, as most of them look rather shady and say that this number is a land line, even though it is texting me. I'm supposed to talk to a friend of a friend tomorrow who can look it up for me, but in the mean time I'd like to ask reddit. I'm not going to post the number here, because unlike whoever is harassing me, I'm above that. But if you have the ability to look up who this is, or want to tell me you can do this and really just want somebody to prank call, message me. But I'm not posting here to try to call a personal army on this guy, I just want to know what my options are for looking this guy up/ getting him off my back. | Somebody is harassing me from a number I don't recognize, not sure what to do to look him up, and/or get him off my back. |
t3_52tmrz | relationships | How can I (24/M) get my parents (40sM/F) to stop babying me? | Hi all,
My parents have always been very overprotective of me ever since i was born. I am the oldest, yet I don't ever recall them being overtly overprotective of my younger siblings.
Yes, I am still living at home and I do work as a tutor for a small tutoring organization.
I very much feel like every decision I make about my personal life will be met with critique from my parents and them telling me that I am doing it wrong. Many examples do include work and travel situations where I can make decisions that they disagree with. In other situations, they expect me to check with them for approval of the decisions I am making.
I am still in school, earning my bachelor's degree in applied math, and my girlfriend graduated last year with her masters in math education. My parents, instead of being proud and happy for my girlfriend of three years, have continuously brought up the fact that they feel embarrassed that my SO is doing so much better than I. Personally, I am very happy, and our relationship is very fulfilling for both her and I.
They will also monitor everything that I do and expect me to update them constantly on where I am, and who I am with.
After speaking with my girlfriend, she believes that at this point, it won't stop even after we have moved out and begun living together. Which is quite frightening, to be quite honest. Is there anything I can say or do to help my parents see that I am an adult and I don't need constant supervision? | Parents monitor activities and expect me to check with them for many choices I make in personal life. How do I get them to stop? |
t3_123yyd | relationships | Help with my(18) boyfriend's (19) life-ruling father? | First off, his father is dying. He's on steroids which make him very mean but apparently he has been mean my boyfriend's entire life. What he does is that he makes his kids feel like they have to stay in their room all day. If the kids aren't doing something that the father wants them to do, then they're not allowed to do anything. They can't stand up to their father or he would throw them out of the house. My boyfriend simply can't do that right now. He'd have no where to go. Now, the father pushed him over the edge tonight. He broke down sobbing because he couldn't handle it. It was something neither of us saw coming. I sat in a parking lot in my car down the street from where he lives while on the phone with him. I was trying to find out if I should come up and pick him up. In his house, no one can just walk out. Not even my boyfriend's mother. That's something that is just not done. So my sobbing boyfriend went downstairs to *ask* if he can go with me and his father starts yelling at him. No, he couldn't come. Now my boyfriend is very unnerved because he says his dad knows his weakness now. He knows how much my boyfriend cares about me and will use me against him. "He'll make my life smaller," he said. I encouraged him to regard that as bullshit but he insists that I don't understand. And that he'll be thrown out of the house if things aren't done his way.
Can anyone help us at all? | Boyfriend's controlling father won't allow him to do anything besides what he tells him to do. And right now, he's forbidding his son to see me. |
t3_1as3mb | AskReddit | How do you deal with incompetent management? | So I have new managers that just landed their position. They were originally associates of mine and moved up in the company, now they're my bosses. They're my age and I have almost zero respect for them. I'm consistently ranked #1 in my department for my performance and it's been noted, on many occasions, that I'm the "go to guy" for getting the results and getting them done. My position is heavily involved in sales. Today I had an altercation with them that led to me losing my composure because of the insistence, without even attempting to communicate with me, that I was deliberating trying to deceive my client. My sales moto is absolutely the complete opposite of this and I made it very clear to both the client and to my dipshit bosses, that I did no such thing and that I've made it known that no action would take place. They insist on further accusations which leads to me losing my cool, which lead to a situation where I have a nice pow-wow with their superior (my original boss that I do respect), which due to their complete lack of communication could have easily tarnished my reputation with the company and nearly caused me to lose my job.
I've tried communicating my frustrations with them but it's to no avail. They don't listen to me, they continue to try to "coach" me with bullshit advice, and I'm slowly but surely losing my patience. My only manager I respect and has my complete attention, has made it clear that I'm running on thin threads here because I'm evidently difficult to work with. I don't know what to do. My bosses are idiotic and on both sides, neither party has demonstrated respect for the other. What do I do here? | Incompetent management is driving me crazy and has me by the threads of losing my position. I don't respect them and they don't respect me. What do I do? |
t3_2ltfl0 | relationships | I (23f) am dating a new guy (37) and I can't tell if he's taking things slow or just not that attracted to me. | Hi!
This is sort of a strange question, I've been dating this guy for a few weeks (I am in my early 20s, he is in his late 30s we live in a big city where that sort of thing is pretty common place) and all seems to be going pretty well. He texts me every day, we've gone out/met up at least 2-3 times a week since our first date. We have the same sense of humor, we go on real dates, etc.
I also recently got out of a long relationship and I think I'm... readjusting? to dating again.
This man is rather physically affectionate, but mostly in a not totally sexual way. Lots of snuggling, less trying to rip my pants off.
I know this sounds bizarre, but is there any chance he likes hanging out with me but just isn't... physically that attracted to me? (Not that it matters but I am probably significantly above average in attractiveness, I am not insecure about my appearance or anything like that.)
Is he trying to get to know me as a person first? Am I an entitled brat for being upset that someone's not constantly trying to get in my panties? Would an adult man ever keep dating/putting significant effort into a woman he wasn't attracted to? (we live in a place where it's very easy to date around...)
We have gotten pretty sexual, but it seems like a secondary focus... | Guy I'm dating wants to spend time together and talk, etc. Don't just wanna do it like rabbits all the time, is this an adult relationship or does he only like my personality? |
t3_4ez58o | tifu | TIFU by throwing my wedding ring away. | So this happened today. I work in a big office building at a small debt collection agency. My office is right next to a US Army recruiting station and we share a bathroom in the hallway.
I wash my hands after using the facilities and I dry them off with the paper towels provided. I've recently lost like 15-20 lbs (not a big accomplishment since I'm still way overweight) and I throw my paper towel in the generic 3 foot tall trash can by the door. I hear a loud wet "Thunk" from inside the can and immediately noticed that my wedding ring is gone from my finger. Now for the fun part. Almost everybody at my job (myself included) chews or dips tobacco. And almost everybody in the Army office chews or dips tobacco, and we both spend all day spitting, and throwing out used tobacco bottles/cups in that can. Hence the wet part of the "thud".
I take off my jacket, roll up my sleeve and spend the next 90 seconds rummaging around at the bottom of the nastiest trashcan in a 10 mile radius. While I'm doing this, two soldiers walk in dressed in full uniform (bdu's) and are shocked to see a sweaty cursing fat man leaned over with his hand so far in this trash can it looks like he's birthing a baby cow. I had to keep doing these baby hops to reach all the way to the bottom and was making the stupidest noises I've ever made. I'm not surprised they offered to help (which I refused), I'm surprised they were able to keep straight faces the whole time I was putting on my own personal USO comedy show.
I finally got the ring, washed it off with soap and water, put it back on my finger, thanked them for the offer, and walked back to my office to contemplate my life and wrap some tape around my finger over the ring. Fool me once disgusting trash can.. | Threw wedding ring in gross trash and fished it out while US soldiers who totally could have laughed didn't laugh and instead offered to help. |
t3_vzpls | dating_advice | I like her but don't want to be clingy. | Me 24, her 20. So this girl I really like that ive been hanging out with for a while seems really interested at times. Super flirty at bar (touching me, my face, messing around with my watch) Ive hugged her a couple times, we work out together she invited me to her place, her parents were home so nothing happened. She compliments me in person and in texts. Quizzed my friends about what im really like. Mentioned to one that she is looking for something casual (not serious relationship at the moment).
We were going to work out on Monday but she was sick and run down. She said its hard for her to book things ahead of time because she is prone to get sick.
My friends think I should wait a few days before contacting her. I have a habbit of putting women I am into on a pedestal. Does this whole not initiating a convo and letting her take the lead work? Last time I spoke to her was yesterday, how many days should I wait before I initiate a convo? | Really like this girl. Im not very subtle so she knows. How do I "play this" (for lack of better choice of words) so that I do not come off as needy, but still show interest? |
t3_3ropgo | relationships | Family Friends & Thanksgiving | So here is my dilemma, I have 8 family members coming to my home for thanksgiving (Wednesday through Sunday) and 2 are staying in a hotel. 2 of my brothers friends are traveling through our town during Thanksgiving and I thought it would be fine so I said sure.
When I brought it up to my wife, she wasn't too happy. It's not that she doesn't like them, she is just stressing out that so many people will be in our 2000 square foot home and that we have to feed all those people (financially it isn't a concern, she is just stressing out). Another reason she is concerned is because she thinks that my family likes these people (who my family has known twice as long as her) more than her and she feels out of place I guess?
In essence, what should I do? I personally don't have a problem with it, but my wife is stressing out and is causing unnecessary stress on our relationship. | Do I bring these people in as it is Thanksgiving, or do I respect my wife's wishes and not allow them in since it is our home? [M29] [F31] |
t3_2xpj4v | relationships | Not sure whether to tell my [24F] new bf [25M] of 2 months about past infidelity? | So I'm 2 months into a relationship with a new guy who I really like and definitely want things to work with. In my last relationship I cheated. I know it was wrong, I don't need to discuss that and believe me when I say I have NO intention of getting myself into that situation again.
Brief overview of last relationship: Our relationship was good, and he [24M] was my best friend, but we had very little sex (like once every couple of months) and it got to me more and more over time, but I was determined to fix it. Eventually I met someone else (he knew about the situation with my bf, and that I wanted to fix it) and he kept trying to seduce me. I turned him down countless times, but eventually I just couldn't make myself say no and it happened.
My relationship with my now ex-bf ended not long after that though we are still good friends. He doesn't know that I was unfaithful, and seeing the state of his self confidence post break up, I judged that it wasn't something he needed to know.
So my question is, should I tell my new bf about my past mistake?
I'm scared he'll hear about it from someone other than myself (a couple of my friends know), and not telling him feels slightly like I'm hiding something from him. On the other hand, I don't want to ruin things with my bf by making him mistrustful of me, when I know that I wont let myself do that again and he has no reason not to trust me. | Cheated in last relationship, not sure whether I should tell new bf, or if telling him would create needless stress. |
t3_477488 | tifu | TIFU by changing my husband's desktop photo. | This happened last night, not today, but still less than 24 hours ago.
So my husband LOVES birds, all kinds of birds. He thinks they are great. He is especially fond of ducks. Last night while he was in the kitchen prepping a snack, I thought it would be fun to change the desktop photo on his laptop (he had left it open on the couch). I found a cute duck picture, made it his desktop background, set the laptop back on the couch, and made my way innocently back to the kitchen table where I had also been having a snack.
My husband finishes his snack a little while later and heads back to the couch while I remain at the table. He pulls his computer towards him and goes, "OMG honey look! Ducks!" As he stands up holding his laptop and tries to come to me, he trips and falls over the glass end table we have, shattering it. If that wasn't bad enough, he fell onto his macbook, smashing it completely open and crushing it. If that also wasn't bad enough, he also broke his wrist because of how he fell on it since he was holding the laptop.
I feel like a terrible person, but my husband still loves ducks. | My husband got so overexcited over a picture of ducks I procured that he broke himself, a table, and his macbook. |
t3_f1356 | AskReddit | How did you redditors break your SO from being so dependent? | Bf grew up having everything done for him and now for me it's like pulling teeth to get him to help out. I don't need a neat freak or anything, but just want some help - without having to ask for it. I'm tired of hearing from him that the house is a mess. Whenever I say it, i do something to change it. But when he says it, i think he's hinting for me to do it. We both work full-time jobs, myself outside of the house, him inside the house. I've tried asking, I've tried suggesting doing it together, sometimes i give him something to have done before i get home, I've tried getting upset. It works for that week, but then is back to normal. I'm stressed out, feel overworked, feel used, am tired, and sore and am a hormonal machine, thanks to a baby inside my body. I'm worried that i'll never get any help around here. | BF is used to everything being done for him, I feel used and want a little help - without having to ask. How to breach? |
t3_j4nuy | dating_advice | Got a date but didn't set an actual date for my date and I to have a date. | She (17) suggested the two of us go to an amusement park one day. I (m, 16) agreed, and got many texts with smilies and 'xoxo' and stuff like that. She's got a pretty busy schedule this summer with different activities she's in, so we didn't set a specific date. I kinda left that up to her since it's not my schedule we'd have to plan around. The problem is, the summer's nearly over. So two questions:
Should I be a bit more assertive and pick a day?
And if so, any advice on how to go about doing that? | I had sex with her, her sister, her mom, and her dog. Can I get pregnant from that? It's not that long, just read it. |
t3_17i0g4 | AskReddit | Can someone help with this small claims situation? | My previous roommate has owed me a sum of $500.00 since November 14th of 2012. I thought he was a good friend so let me explain a little. We made a verbal agreement that he would not pay his half the final month of rent since he was moving out early, and in return, I would keep his half of the security deposit. Fair enough. I have known him for a few years so whatever; right? Well, since then the move out inspection and security deposit returned we had in our minds the wrong amount. We were expecting to get in return close to $800 after usual wear and tear (seeing $800 is what we thought we paid for it) but turns out, the documentation team for our complex only shows us paying $299 for security deposit. Doesn't make sense but I have no paperwork to back up my side so what can I do. I send messages to my previous roommate explaining he still owes me money for his final month of rent as well as the final half of utilities for that month. He acknowledges the fact he owes me money. His father gets involved and has a phone conversation where we make verbal agreement he will submit payment to me by the end of January; 31st at the latest. I have communicated multiple times via facebook chat, gmail messages, and phone calls with them but am getting no response. What can I really do to rectify this situation? | old roommate owes me $500. Lives in different state now. Knows he owes me $500 and wont pay up. I have conversation between us to use as evidence. What can I do? |
t3_1mut9z | relationship_advice | I [20/M] have fallen for my best friend [20/F]. Problem is, so have all of my friends. | We'll call her Delilah. Delilah and I have been good friends for the entirety of my college career. If you've been there then you know that college creates an event horizon in the temporal dimension that makes it seem like you've never been anywhere but college in your life. So suffice it to say, I consider this girl to be my best friend.
Anyway, Delilah dated a good friend of mine, and then they broke up for reasons. During their relationship Delilah and I drifted apart because he was pretty jealous of the friendship we had and I could see that I was getting in the way. Afterwords our friendship exploded. We are pretty much inseparable at this point; at the very least we spend several hours in each other's company almost every day of the week.
Monkey wrench one: Another friend of mine has convinced himself that he likes Delilah. I don't think he does, I just think he's lonely and he attached himself emotionally to her because she was the first girl to let him open up to her.
Monkey wrench two: We were having some wine last night we decided she could just stay with me in my bed. No big deal; the couch was occupied and it didn't really bother us to sleep together. At one point we were cuddled up together and she kissed my cheek, and I couldn't help but turn a little and kiss her lips. She kissed me back, and for a little while we had a playful little make-out session. But the problem is, I don't think she remembers. We were both kind of tipsy but she and I had the same amount and we have the same tolerance. Anyway nothing has been said about it, but it still kind of hanging in the air.
I wanna ask her about the kiss. But I don't know that I would be able to follow through with the amazing relationship I think we could have because of the two friends' resentment I'm sure I would also gain. | I have this girl that I want to date but so do two of my friends. I think I have a shot but I don't know if I can deal with the resentment from my friends. |
t3_18hh45 | dating_advice | Feeling Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place [31 and 28] | AGES: 31 & 28
I'm currently deployed to Afghanistan, and I started talking to this very sexy woman back in the US a month ago. We spend hours talking online and on the phone each day, and we have great chemistry with tons in common. I'm definitely falling for her, which is crazy because we've never even met. She definitely has feelings for me too. I don't want to ask her to "commit" to me in any fashion, because we haven't even seen each other, but I'm kind of worried that she'll be snapped up by some dude by the time I get home. I'll be home at the end of next month... what can I do? | Am I crazy for wanting to start a long distance relationship with someone that I haven't actually seen? If not, how should I go about it? |
t3_39h5tq | relationship_advice | [29/M] done wrong by [28/F]. Should i tell her how i feel before we finally end it all? | My ex gf was messing around January of this year and decided to end our 5 year relationship. A couple months before we ended she was going out to the club and checking out other guys, getting on birth control randomly, and ended up texting some guy at 2AM one night. She hid all of this from me. Instead of being an adult and communicating her problems and unhappiness in the beginning, she decided to hide it all from me and act like things were normal because her thought was "hopefully these feelings will go away." She let it linger on for months before she decided to end it. I tried everything in my power to to try and make things work which included more time together, couples counseling, vacations, more dates etc. In the end she didn't want to do any of that and ended up leaving me.
We were heavily financially invested in each other. We had bought a house together which she moved out and i had to refinance to take her name off. I had paid her $50,000 for her portion and now all that's left before we no longer have to talk is her picking up her couch and bike from the house.
Whenever we communicate with one another on the phone, she seems to always talk to me like we're friends and that everything is ok between us. Obviously it's not after what she has done to me. I find myself feeling more and more bitter every time we talk.
I've debated writing a letter to her to make it clear that there will never be a friendship between us and basically tell her how i feel about the fucked up things that she has done to me. Kind of like the last say in something before we never talk again. I'm not sure if this is considered to be childish, but I think she should know how much she affected me with all of the dirty selfish shit that she has done. Should I write a letter as the last say, or just find it in me to let it all go and just never talk to her again? | ex cheated and left, should i write a letter to her explaining we will never be friends and how i felt or just let it go? |
t3_r5byk | AskReddit | Reddit, I am dating my friends ex-girlfriend (barely) Am I in the wrong? | We both met her at the same time last February of 2011. I was interested but drug my feet. Over the summer he asked if he could make and I said sure. They dated for a month then he ignored her for three weeks and broke up with her. This was in August of 2011. I wasn't in a place to date anyone so once again I just mildly flirted with her. They hung out for a bit again in late December, but yet again he did the same thing and then got tired of her because he's had this crush on a girl for over three years that whenever she shows him attention he freaks out and assumes they're going to date. My roommate stopped hanging out with his ex in late December. This time I wasn't going to let her slip away. I waited three months for any sort of grieving period or politeness towards him. A couple weeks ago I made my move and she and I have been dating for a week now. They barely dated, he dumped her, yet when I told him last night he freaked out and won't talk to me and is texting ALL of my close friends talking shit about me and asking them questions about it. I feel like I am not in the wrong here but I want to get Reddit's perspective on the matter. | I am dating my friends ex-girlfriend in which they dated only a month and he dumped her. He is freaking out and acting like a child. Am I wrong? |
t3_4unpfj | relationships | Me [25 F] with my [30 M] of 7 years, not sure but I may end things. | So here's a bit of back story:
We met at university and got together for a casual relationship, but after a few months I ended up moving in with him. A year later, we got engaged and things went from there.
After a while, I discovered he didn't enjoy sex; he has a few medical issues that make it difficult. As this is my first relationship, I didn't really know what it was like to sleep with anyone else (I wasn't a virgin, but my previous encounters were both drunken one offs) but I thought I would be fine with this. The sex dwindled, and it's now been 9 months since we slept together. I used to give him oral often to tide us over, but as he refuses to reciprocate that tapered off too. I'm not fine with this, but I can deal with it.
The problem is, there is not just no sex, but it also feels like there is no love at all. I haven't had a passionate kiss for longer than I can remember (because apparently it will work me up, and I'll be disappointing with not getting laid), hugs are saved for when somethings wrong and I now feel like we are room mates who share a bed. Again, I could probably deal with being with an asexual, but he's not. He gets himself off fairly regularly (more than I do), and his "choice of material" somewhat worries me. It's mostly the Instagram account of a friend's daughter (in her early 20s). I'm sure he's not cheating, but the fact he looks at someone he knows and gets more sexual gratification from that than me isn't a happy thought.
At the moment, I'm struggling to decide if I wan't to stay in this relationship. Things are not going to change, and I don't know if I value our almost room-mate relationship above the chance of a better relationship. | My relationship with my fiancee has become platonic for perfectly viable reasons, but I feel it should be better. Not sure what to do. |
t3_4iji4f | Advice | A friend of mine posted a facebook status with implications he's going to kill people. | So this guy I know is a bit of an outcast, he's a sufferer of adult ADHD, has negative body image issues and people seem to give him a lot of shit... I think he's an ok guy but a bunch of people dislike him for obvious reasons.
Today I saw a facebook status he uploaded that went as follows:
"As the 3 ravens caw, the tides begin to change..a storm is coming..and for those who dare to double cross, you will end up in the middle of said storm. For each Ravens caw, a truth is revealed. And for each truth karma shall be dealt accordingly. Blood will be spilt accordingly to your crimes, and should you wish, death will be swift. You shall only hope you have done no wrong, especially by me, for if you have, not even the heavens shall save you from what it is to become of you."
Pretty cringy I know but I'm worried for his well being and the well being of others and I'm torn between reaching out and leaving him alone. Does this seem like a genuine expression of what he's planning on doing or just a cry for attention? | A fedora donning guy I know who gets a lot of shit from people is making murdery statuses and I don't know whether or not I should do something about it. |
t3_3namza | relationships | My [29 f] Boyfriend [32 m] of 3 months just broke up with me via text message. | My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months and things (I thought) were going really well. About a month ago at a bar, I introduced him to a long time friend (Male) that we ran into. This friend used to jokingly tease me a lot about being man-less, and during our brief convo, I joked "See, I have a boyfriend now! He's real!" Laughs were had by said friend and I, boyfriend is not amused. Later that night he asks me if my friend and I had ever dated/fuckbuddied etc. I told him no (God's honest truth) and explained what I mentioned about him always razzing me for being single. He said it was a disrespectful thing to say, and I didn't realize he took it that way and apologized. I figured it was forgiven and we went another month with things going well.
Two days ago, he sees a photo of said friend and I on facebook. Friends arm is over my shoulder, goofy shot taken before a cover band performance friend and I did together. There are a couple photos before and after that confirm this. Boyfriend freaks out, claims I lied about my involvement with said friend, and subsequently breaks up with me after a day of texting back and forth. (He refused to speak with me over the phone/ in person).
Why would he do this? Am I in the wrong for wanting an explanation and a face to face conversation?
Can I save the relationship?
Boyfriend landed an impromptu gig tonight (he is also a musician) and I am going because I have been blown off for 2 days (and he fucking rocks). I don't know what to say, but I have fallen in love with him and I want to try to rescue our relationship. | Boyfriend breaks up with me via text over month old issue/ 18 month old picture. Want to stay with him, but clueless and hurt. |
t3_1kjc7t | dating_advice | [19F] When is asking someone out via email/Facebook appropriate? | I [19F] kind of have a thing for this guy that I work with [25M]. We get along really well and seem to have a lot of similar interests, and I would really like to get to know him outside of work. Now, I know office/workplace romances aren't really that desirable. However, our schedules have recently changed, so we won't be working any shifts together for at least the next 5-6 months or so.
The only time I would likely see him anywhere would be the small chance of bumping into him on campus (we go to the same university). We're also Facebook friends, though I'm not sure how active he is on that either. I'm normally pretty alright with asking guys out in person and getting their number and contact info, but that might be difficult in this case. I'm honestly not sure how to go about asking someone out via Facebook/email/text without it sounding creepy or awkward. Any advice? | I like a guy I work with. Schedule change caused us to not have a shift together anymore. Not sure if asking him out via Facebook is appropriate. |
t3_1lzsxo | relationships | I (35f)have never felt worse since the breakup(35f). Tell me I didn't mess up too badly. | I was trying to put a little distance between me and my ex. I wasn't responding to texts as frequently or immediately yesterday. She was acting distant on the phone. Then last night she asked if I wanted to go see a movie with her. Of COURSE I DID! But on the advice of everyone else I told her I already had plans, which was true.
She has been extremely distant all day today. I think she's actaully on a date right now, but I just don't know. She has basically been ignoring me since I sent a text 7 hours ago. I have never felt this sick in the pit of my stomach. Like if I had only gone to the movies with her last night we would be hanging today, reconnecting. That's all I want, is to get back with her. Now it feels like that was my last chance ever. I'm having horribly dark thoughts. | Tuned ex down for a movie "date" for first time in 4 years. She is now barely speaking and I fear that may have sealed it being over. Please shoot me. Or help. |
t3_3c6d6r | tifu | TIFU by thinking a little girl was getting raped | I was enjoying a firework show in a Neiboring city, It was along a street road in a shady city of Adelanto, CA
There's acres of empty desert behind everyone and I begin to hear death screams from a little child not sure what it was I perked Up on guard, I hear a Kid screaming and yelling daddy, I grab my big knife I would normally wear out camping or something and sprint as fast as i can in the direction. All i can hear is a kid letting out a death scream calling for daddy off in the distance in the desert. I roll up on the scene and theres a large dude, Pobably 300-400 pounds and a family in the dark, I ask if everything is ok then I see/hear the kid screaming, knife drawn, I probably scared the shit out of the family...
Never in my life have I ever ran so fast, so far and have such a adrenaline rush. | Heard little girl screaming for daddy in a shady area, Thought she was being rapped, Ran up on a unsuspecting family with a rambo sized knife from the dark. |
t3_3rr5wy | tifu | TIFU by drowning in the toilet | So, a little context about my bathroom. It's a nice one, pretty large, except my shower area is literally a cubicle around 3 feet by 3 feet and it has a glass door that latches shut (water tight so that water doesn't leak during showers).
So I had just gotten back from school and I told my mom that I was going in for a long shower. So I went to the bathroom, shut the door, locked it, went to the cubicle, locked that too and turned on the nice hot water on full force. A few minutes later, I realized that the water level had risen slightly and I correctly assume that my drain is clogged. I didn't think much of it: i'd shut the water before it became too much of a problem.
Turns out I was wrong. I sat down, splashed around a bit, and then fell asleep. I woke up half an hour later because I couldn't breathe and I realized that my head had slipped under the big pool of water (about 20cm high) in my sleep.
I flipped my shit. I stood up and nearly opened the door before I realized that doing so would create a tidal wave in my bathroom. So I turned off the shower and waited for the water to drain out completely.
Long story short, it took around two hours to drain out before I could leave. Mom wondered where I was, used spare key and found me naked there. She couldn't do much about it either. It was bad. Most boring 2 hours of my life. | flooded my bathroom, nearly died, got stuck there till it drained, mom saw me nude. Aren't you proud of me? |
t3_30v9zl | personalfinance | Hey r/finance, I'm in a very fast approaching, life changing situation and could really use some advice. | Alright.
My SO is joining the air force this year. We have been together six months now and we are quite in love. She wants to use this opportunity to move somewhere she have never been (possibly a different country). I'm all for this idea and I want to go with her. For us to move together and to get the kind of benefits we need to make this happen, we need to be married. We have talked about it and a paper marriage with discretion is what we have in mind. We know we both want to actually have a real wedding and would consider this an engagement. Were going to be married on paper though and I want to know if anyone (especially military) has had experience with this and would be willing to guide us on what precautions we need to take and things we need to keep in mind. Here's a bit about us.
Me.
25yo.
Bought my first house ever in November with a mortgage (30yr).
I live in the house with 2 friends who pay me for rent.
Great credit.
Making 25-30 grand a year.
(Planning on changing jobs when we move).
Her.
24yo.
Renting.
Joining the Air force.
Wants to sign in 2 months.
Credit ???
Makes probably between 30-35 grand a year.
That's about it. This is all happening very fast and is honestly scary but I've never met a woman so driven, true, and uplifting and I want us to have a life together. | My SO of 6 months is joining the air force and we need to get married for benefits/moving expense...advice or guideline? |
t3_4h3i16 | relationships | Had some gay thoughts for my best friend, feeling confused. | Bit of background, I am 18, male, and he is 18, nearly 19, and also male. We've known each other for about 2 and a half years and have grown super close. We are both LDS (Mormons) and happily so. Both of us are actually preparing to go serve as missionaries.
I've been questioning my sexuality for a couple of years now and pretty much still am. I think of myself as straight because I'm very attracted to girls but I've also had a few occasions where I've felt attracted to another guy. I don't really like putting a label on myself though.
That said I invited my best friend over because we haven't seen each other in a while and just wanted to hang out. I was going to invite some other friends but I got lazy and it ended up as just the two of us. We were watching the movie Groundhog Day, starring Bill Murray, because he'd never seen it and it's one of my all time favorites.
Every now and then there would be a funny moment in the film and I'd look over at him and we'd lock eyes briefly and sometimes if have a quick intrusive thought about getting physical with him. Nothing specific or anything just sort of us, together.
He's my best friend and I love him like a brother but these intrusive thoughts make me pretty uncomfortable. I think it's just because he's my best friend, like if I had this sort of thing happen with a different guy I don't think I'd be as weirded out but because my friend and I are so close I just feel really confused.
We we're both raised in very religious families and like I said are both very religious ourselves. Personally I pretty much have always been at peace with who I am and if I'm attracted to the same sex then I don't really have any conflict, spiritually speaking or whatever. I don't doubt that being LDS has some part in how uncomfortable I feel about all of this but I think that over 90% of it comes from thinking of my best friend in a sexual way.
Should I confront my friend about this? I don't actually want to be anything more than friends with him and I feel like if I told him I might damage our friendship. | had some intrusive thoughts about sexy times with my best friend and now I feel confused about myself and just how gay I may or may not be. |
t3_3r1ffa | tifu | TIFU by hurting somebody's arm in the most random and unlikely way | This happened just a couple of days ago. I'm on vacation in Disney World, and all the walking around the parks left me sore all over, including my shoulder.
So I'm standing in some plaza in EPCOT center, swinging my arms back and forth to relieve some of the soreness, when suddenly I hear behind me "FUCKING HELL!" in a loud Irish accent.
I turn around and this guy starts to yell at me "YOU HIT MY ARM! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SWINGING YOUR ARMS FOR? I JUST HAD AN OPERATION!" And of course his arm is covered in some kind of post-surgical wrap.
I apologize profusely, but he's still really mad at me, obviously in pain and not about to admit that it's just the randomness of the universe that his arm got hit. I just keep apologizing, and he starts to walk off, still yelling at me, so I start to get mad and yell at him "What are the chances??? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!" And he starts shaking his fist at me and yelling some more.
At this point my wife and brother in law shut me up because they didn't want me to get into a fight - I mean what was he going to hit me with anyway? My wife's final comment "That was a surly leprechaun!" | Accidentally hit a guy in his post-operative arm, he was really mad - but was Irish so my wife called him a "surly leprechaun" |
t3_tu57r | BreakUps | Unconsciously, she's still in my head. | I was told to post this here, but it's not really a break up. This is the only *real* crush I've had and we're years apart but I can't get her out of my head. I've never been and perhaps I'll never be in a relationship due to some mental issues I have and stupid decisions I've made.
I haven't thought about this girl in a while. Yeah, she stopped following me on Twitter, but I didn't lose sleep over it. I removed her from Facebook and all of the other people I'm supposed to be "friends" with on there and deleted my account, and I don't regret it. Yet, subconsciously, she's still in my head.
She knows at least that I *used* to have feelings for her when we were simply friends. By high school she moved on, but obviously I didn't. Reactions to stimuli in that environment caused me to make stupid decisions. Anyway....
Last night I had a dream that she drove me around town and we got in an accident. We ended up in her house and she allowed me to sleep in a room next to hers, separated by a thin wall. She walked around in front of me nonchalant of the fact she was only wearing a tank top and underwear. She handed me money, bribing me to not tell anyone she crashed the car.
When she had fallen asleep, I left the money, deciding that I wouldn't tell anyway.
The dream made me think about the fact that she stopped following me on Twitter. Perhaps she finds me boring enough to actively remove me rather than just ignore her following status. I'm tempted to tweet her about the dream, but it will probably sound creepy. | Unrequited first and only love who I've only ever been friends with has been out of my head lately but a very recent dream has changed that. |
t3_3kkcl0 | relationships | I [28f] am in a relationship with two other people [29m, 29f],she's slept with a couple people on the side | Yes, I know it's a different situation, we're all good friends and first it was Mike and me (Molly) then (Megan) ended up getting involved as well. We decided, fuck it, 3 of us together.. We've all been with each other for 2 years. Mike and I were together for a couple years prior to that.
We all love each other and are really happy, not many of our friends know about our situation either, due to judging and all of that. Recently we found out Megan had slept with a couple people on the side, Megan is someone who is bisexual but has always been monogamous but when she met Mike and I and took a shine to both of us, one thing led to another and she wound up becoming the third party in our relationship, two became three and it was great.
However she hooked up with 2 guys over the past few months, she had sex with these guys several times over the months she messed around with them, individually. Mike found out through a close friend of ours who is 100% trustworthy. We're both extremely hurt by this and not sure what to do.
We never had a verbal agreement that she was exclusive along with us or anything but after 2 years of being committed to each other and only each other surely you can see how we thought this should be understood. | girlfriend cheated on boyfriend and I, in a poly relationship but we (bf and I) thought it was just the three of us committed to each other |
t3_q5lgm | AskReddit | Hey Reddit: I just tried the whole "Don't do X or I'll cut you <3 Y" thing and it ended up in me getting yelled at for a half an hour. Whats your best memory of doing something you saw on the internet/TV and it didn't turn out quite the way you thought? | So there was something submitted and it was a picture of a card on a clean kitchen table that said "Keep this kitchen clean or I will cut you <3 Mom" or something along those lines.
So I thought why not try that? Horrible mistake.
I wrote a note saying "If you touch my computer I will cut you <3 ArtmanOz" and placed it on my newly bought computer. I left for work a few minutes after and when I arrived home I found that my little brother was playing on my computer! I wanted to chew him out, however, my sister was nearby and I silently went up to my room wondering what had happened to my sign.
Today (the day after) I wake up and go downstairs and my Mom starts yelling at me for putting such an "offensive" note on my computer. And "If your father had seen that he likely would have called the police!" (my Dad's kinda crazy).
So...Today I learned that my family is crazy, has no sense of humor whatsoever and that I hate knockoff brands. | Got in trouble for writing an "offensive" note on my computer which ended up in me getting yelled at for 30minutes. |
t3_2z010h | relationships | My ex (24/genderfluid) I dated for four months asked if I (21/f) want to live with him, and it's throwing my perception of our current friendship into question. | So about a month ago we broke up. We've been friends for years and both decided a four month relationship wasn't worth ruining that. A week or so after that, shit hit the fan at my old home and he offered to let me stay with him and his housemates for a while, to which I agreed. Since I moved in we've spent a lot of time together, including occasional platonic cuddling, and a couple nights ago he asked if after he moved away from his other housemates I wanted to move in with him, to which I said yes, but things might change.
Since then I've done a lot of thinking, and I'm wondering if that might not be the best idea. I love him like I love my best friend, but with the physical aspect of cuddling, and I'm worried that might ruin future relationship prospects for me. Similarly, if he finds someone else, it could be really painful for me to cope with. The weird thing is that I feel like I'd feel that way even if we hadn't dated.
I guess you could say I'd be content with the way things are now, but it's a really unstable place to be, and I'm not sure if the risks are worth the rewards. Sure I'd have a reliable housemate I'd feel very comfortable around (I'm transitioning from male to female, and he's been extremely supportive, especially when I have bouts of depression.), but at the same time I'd have a front row seat to witness him finding someone else he loves and all the things associated with that.
I want to make sure I've thought everything through before I mention this to him, because I don't want him to retract his offer if I do eventually decide I want to live with him. What are some questions I should ask myself as I decide whether or not to take him up on this offer, and what are some things I need to consider that I might not have thought of? | Ex wants me to move in with him, not sure if that's a good idea, looking for things to think about before I commit to an answer. |
t3_4jxw16 | relationships | I (25m) made out with girl (30f) I've been seeing for a few months. Giving confusing signals after making out. | Hi. I've been dating this girl for 3 months already. I live in a very conservative country where anything sexual is hard to discuss. We haven't had sex yet or anything remotely that. Anyway, we were making out a few days ago in my car and things got very touchy. She was wearing a skirt and my hands were getting very frisky with her legs. Slowly I try to reach higher and higher and when I get to her panties, she stops my hand and tells me to stop but we continue making out. Being the hard headed (pun intended) guy that I am, I still try and try to reach the mothership but again and again she stops me, but in a good way. Of course I eventually stopped. Took her home and was still happy since I really didn't expect anything.
Now here comes the confusing part. We texted good night and she asked if I was unsatisfied earlier. I said of course not and told her I had fun spending time with her. Again being in a conservative country I by courtesy said "I'm sorry if things went too touchy" and she said "It's okay, I liked it". After a few messages she said "Some thing seems lacking with what happened earlier" (can't translate well English is not my nativre language). Basically saying in a teasing way that she was unsatisfied in a context that something is lacking. "Why stop me then huhu" and she just laughed.
Not sure if it's the age gap (she's older by 5 years) or if I'm just not reading her signs properly. She has this thing of guys being more confident and in control of things which I'm having a hard time doing since I'm a little introvert. Should I pursue to push things more sexually when she teases me via chat, but stops me when we're making out? I'm just concerned of crossing any lines hahaha
Girls are confusing :)) | Made out with girl. She stops me when I try to reach or remove panties. Gives signs via chat/text afterwards that she wanted more. Mostly teases that she liked it. |
t3_36k88r | relationships | I [23/F] moved to a new city 1.5 years ago with my partner [28/m] and we are completely unable to make friends. | So I moved across the entire country from where I grew up, and where I lived on my own for the first time (about 1-2 hours from where I grew up depending on traffic). When I moved I decided to go back to college to open up social opportunities and give me something to do while I settled in, while also giving me a concrete reason to be thousands of miles away. And I have totally fallen in love with my new city! However...
Even with the built in social structure of a college, and plenty of super friendly people in town, I have not for the life of me been able to hold onto any friendships I have made. I am pretty introverted but I have ALWAYS had some sort of circle of friends. My partner is a very extroverted and social person, and hasn't been able to make any friends either. We are both completely dumbfounded by this.
Even though I've always been a pretty introverted person, when I start realizing I feel a little lonely I DEFINITELY go out of my comfort zone and try to be more outgoing and social. My big problem here has been that absolutely every person I have met is so flaky. I'm not sure if this is a regional thing or not but it's very disheartening. People are always very friendly, and then when I try to make plans....radio silence. Every time!!!! or I make plans and the people just never show up and I'm left at a restaurant or bar alone, waiting for someone who never comes. I have even posted a craigslist personals ad expressing my need for companionship and annoyance at flakiness, got a TON of responses, and when I replied NOT ONE person wrote me back! WHAT is going ON?!
How can I form friendships and make people stick around? Maybe I am boring and have to make myself more interesting? What activities can I participate in to make friends? | Moved across the country and can't make ANY friends, everyone is flaking on me. What can I do to keep people's interest/be less lonely?! |
t3_3wak4z | relationships | Me [25 F] with my boyfriend 1 year [27 M] Is mad at me because my last 3 boyfriends were Asian and black | So my Bf and I have been together for some time. And yesterday we were drunk and talking about our past loves. Then I brought up that my last boy friends name was "chang" he blurts out "he was Asian?" I said ya. Then starts asking all these weird questions like if I would ever want a child outside my race and starts telling me it would not look like me and I would not love it. I get pissed and tell him about my bf before that who was black. Then he starts yelling at me saying that no wonder our sex is terrible and that "black guys don't deserve skinny blonds" I could like believe what I was hearing he sounded so serious and angry. Also a little note about him and when he said our sex sucked ( he as no idea what to do in bed. I am pretty sure I'm his first he has trouble getting hard a lot ) I yell at him asking were all this racist shit is coming from. And he tell me he just dose not understated how some once can be attracted to some one who dose not look like them.
I left his apartment 6 hours ago. He as been calling me all night I have been crying for 3 hours at my place I cant believe I am involved with such a sick mined person I really don't know what to do. He keeps telling me he is sorry and he was just being drunk and stupid but I don't know what to think
How should I handle this. I really feel like this was the deal breaker | My boyfriend of one year is a closet racist and reveled it to me today when we were talking about our past loves |
t3_4x6vo4 | tifu | TIFU by not flossing regularly. | I am the worlds biggest moron, writing this post feeling as sad as someone would after a break up.
Today, I went to a dental checkup: the first one in nine years.
Dentist told me "your teeth look great for someone who hasn't gone to the dentist for nine years!"
He hadn't taken the X-rays yet, and was going based off what he saw.
In the past nine years, I only flossed when I felt something in my teeth.
He takes x-rays, and sees that I have a cavity in between EVERY molars I have top and bottom.
I should have flossed regularly. Now I have 4 different appointments to go to in the span of 2 weeks to get everything patched up.
Fml. | I didn't floss for 9 years; got a bunch of cavities. chip skylark was not proud of me. |
t3_ywzni | relationships | 19 [F] talking to 25 [M] for four months, but he won't commit. It's tearing me up. What do I do? | He is 25 and I am 19.
We met at work and I fell for him the first time we talked..no joke..
After that we started hanging out outside work and kissed and all the jazzed. Me, being as blunt as I am told him I wanted to be in a relationship with him. He told me about his past and how being a "nice guy" won't happen anytime soon because of how badly he was screwed over.
I tried to stop talking to him after that, but I told myself that if I could show him I am different it would be worth it in the end.
We have been "talking" 4 months as of today. We act like we are boyfriend and girlfriend..that's what everyone, including his family thinks.
I stay with him probably 4 days out of the week. He has even offered to cosign for my apartment. (Which threw me for a loop because his ex tried to make him cosign for a car and he would ramble on about how he would never cosign anything for a girl.)
I bug him a lot and I will ask him to be my boyfriend and he always says no because I am to "pushy". We have been kinda getting into in lately because we have both been so stressed about school and work. I have been SUPER cranky because I never get sleep and so I am a butthole to him sometimes.. he thinks we won't work because we are both short tempered, more him than me, and it makes me mad..
I do know he cares about me because of little signals he will send me and such. But, I am getting impatient and my mind is goign crazy and I keep thinking he will find someone else and that's why I want to just have him as my boyfriend so I wont freak out all the time.
I don't want to give up, but I don't know if he will ever commit.. he is very confusing.. HELP?! | 19 fe (me) is in love with 25 m (him) and I really need to know if this sounds like something I should stick around for because I am making myself sick by worrying about this |
t3_1odo51 | relationships | I [18M] am going crazy over my ex [21F] | I started dating a girl when I was 17 years old. We have almost gone out for a year but I made a huge mistake a few nights ago.
She always told me how she wanted a baby when we get older, but I always told her "Wait until we're ___years old."
I never actually wanted to have a baby at all, so I told her last night. It was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. We had the best 11 month relationship that I have ever been in, and I just threw it away.
I asked her if we could get back together and she said maybe. I've been crying my eyes out to her begging to come back, but she's unsure.
I thought she would take me back because she always told me I was the best boyfriend she'd ever had. She always told me she loved me and that she couldn't see us breaking up. But of course, I did. It was very stupid of me.
I told her that I really do want a child now, and I'm not just saying it to get her back, I really do want to be a father. She told me to give her some space and MAYBE she'll get back together with me.
I said I would change. I would help her around the house, be nice to her all the time, etc. But she keeps saying maybe.
My question is, do you think she'll come back? Do you think she'll feel the loneliness that I'm feeling, and have no other choice but to come running back to me? I miss her with all my heart, and I REALLY want her back. Will she take me back, or leave me in the dust? | My girlfriend wants a child but I said no, and now I regret it. She said she might come back to me but she's unsure. Will she? |
t3_2eeyre | relationships | I [19/F] received an anonymous message about my bf [18/M] of 5 months | So I have an ask.fm. I think it's fun to mess around on when I'm bored but don't take too much stock into it and haven't been on in a while. My boyfriend doesn't like that I have one because he thinks it's just a recipe for bad news. He's probably right and I feel dumb about this whole thing anyway.
Yesterday I received an anonymous messaged asking if I realized my boyfriend is cheating on me. I immediately freaked the hell out and messaged my boyfriend. He's on vacation in Mexico and is trying to relax without worrying about Wifi (we can only message on Facebook until he comes home) or stuff back home so we haven't talked much in the past week. I felt bad for disturbing his relaxation but I was super anxious and needed it to be addressed.
He got upset that it was even brought up in the first place. He told me if someone was really concerned for me that they would have told me off anon or in person. He said he was sad and hurt I would take stock in an anonymous message and was also a bit angry I threw it at him when he was on vacation and trying to relax. He said he'll message me tomorrow when he gets back to the states. I immediately felt bad and hours later wondered why I got so worked up in the first place.
He's confessed to me that he's cheated past relationships (not with me). The fact he would tell me something like that makes me believe I shouldn't doubt him. I mean, if he was gonna fuck around with me, why divulge something like that? We spend a lot of time together, going around his city and holding hands and he even took me to his country house for a romantic trip. His friends know about us and everything. He knows about my mental health issues and tries to be supportive. He tells me about this girl who always hits on him and how he always rejects her advances.
Is there any cause for alarm here? Did I overreact? And am I reading too far into things? I feel stupid for this whole thing and never meant to hurt his feelings or doubt him. | received an anonymous messaged that my boyfriend is cheating on me. I told my boyfriend about it while he is on vacation and got upset I even thought it was an issue/doubted him. Did I overreact/overstep? |
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