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t3_1ufz0r | relationships | I (18M) should move on and get over my exgf (18F) but I don't know if i can. | I've been dating this great girl for about two years and we broke up with the intent of staying friends and faithful to each other while I went to boot camp and serve my enlistment. I was initially okay with this because I trusted her and I loved her and I knew she loved me, but once I went to boot camp for three months without a phone communication broke down due to the fact that we didn't have each other's addresses.
Once I graduated I returned home to find that she's dating her ex that cheated on her before. I just wanted to kill him. I learned form mutual friends that they started dating a month prior to me returning home they also told me how she had started to change as well. It broke my heart. I called her a few days after that and she told me that she still want to be friends, so I willing walked into the friendzone with hopes I could win her over once again.
Over the past few weeks I've found out that I cant stop thinking about her, i hang out with friends and I can see where we've hung out before. It kills me to know she's with this fuckface and that now it seems as if she couldnt care less about me. I don't want to see her get hurt and I know that if she stays with this ass clown she will. I figured it's best if I move on because I'll always be on the move but I don't want to and I don't know if I can. | I leave for boot camp for three months to find my exgf dating her cheating exbf and I want her back. |
t3_1jee68 | AskReddit | Have you ever thought about a certain situation you were in and said to yourself "Wow I was such an asshole when that happened" ? | I used to be a manager for a pizza restaurant that offers delivery to its customers. One day one of the drivers I was responsible for returned with an order and said she couldn't find the address. The order became late as I informed the customer their order will be on its way and will arrive shortly. Afterwards I showed the driver where the address is and sent her away ASAP.
When she returned, I told her "You're hand washing the dishes tonight." (the worst cleaning job in our restaurant) Already scared and docile, she obediently obliged to do the task.
While she was scrubbing huge bulky trays that barely fit in the sink, I decided to angrily scold her for not doing what she was trained to do when such a situation happens with an address. The mad rant when on for about a minute. She never looked at me while I was yelling at her and by the time I was done, she was heaving and crying.
I just thought about that day and I be like "Wow count_bezukhov, you're an asshole." Anyways if you're reading this and you're the one I scolded, I'm sorry for that awful shift. | I was a manager at a pizza place, an order was late, and I made the driver who was responsible hand-wash the dishes while I scolded them, rendering tears in their eyes. |
t3_1j8nyr | relationships | Me[25F] with a great guy[26M] together for eight months. I am afraid of the commitment that we may be headed towards. | We've been dating for about eight months and have gone through some pretty fantastic and terrifying experiences together. Our sex life is not great, we haven't had sex for months, most of the time he travels for business and we only get to spend time (which is usually his choice) on the weekends, and we decided to have an abortion from a very early mistake. But he is great. He listens when I have problems at work, he likes to cook and we do it together, he is into sports (which is really attractive for some reason or another). He has been bringing up long term plans recently, though.
Despite how it sounds, I do care about him, but fear I am not as mature as him when it comes to committed relationships. I'm afraid that he really is perfect for me (handsome, ambitious, and sweet) but that I'm not ready to stay with one person for the rest of my life.
He also doesn't have experience with any other girls to speak of. No other long term relationships or anything.
I don't think I want to break up with him, because he is really great and does a lot for me, but I guess I just need some pep talk about why being committed is a good thing and sticking with one person can really be great. | Scared of staying with one person for the rest of my life, could use some morale booster about why it is a good thing. |
t3_2liw6w | relationships | My [18F] boyfriend [17M] just got offered to go to a baseball camp for Ohio State to possibly play for them (we live in WA) | (Im not entirely sure this fits on this subreddit cause its not so much about our relationship but more of my own worries)
My boyfriend and i have been dating officially for almost 5 months (but heavily flirting as best friends for 7).
I have already graduated from high school but he is in his senior year. He is currently captian of our school's baseball team (an above average team) and he would love to play in college and maybe go pro. (He also wants to be an orthodontist)
The camp will take place here in Washington but they may recruit a couple people to Ohio State. I don't want to seem like im exaggerating my boyfriend's skills but in the past few months he has really improved tremendously and he impresses the baseball alumni from our school.
IF he goes to the camp and gets recruited then he'd definitely move to Ohio because that's his dream.
I'd love to follow him if this happens but it kind of worries me.
-IF this happens but i dont have enough money to move what are some good ways to keep our relationship strong until i can move out there?
-Once i do how long would you guess it could be before i get a good enough job to afford living expenses?
-How much money should i save before that happens (or a judt in case it does happen)
-Has anyone else moved a great distance for love? And how did it go?
(I have ZERO plans for my life, i have a part time job right now and was thinking I'd keep working and live at home until im ready to move out with like 4 months of rent saved up)
(Also I'm a very anxious person and never thought i could ever move more than 50 miles from where i live now so the idea of another state is scary) | my boyfriend has an amazing opportunity to further his baseball career but it could possibly mean him moving to another state and me following him. I want advice on how to prepare for that. |
t3_2vyso5 | tifu | TIFU By asking out a girl and then confessing my feelings for her over text | Biþ of backstory
About 6 months ago, I asked a girl I was friends with out with the help of my excellent wingman. She said yes, and we tried to set a date to go out. It didn't really work, because she always had something with family going on.
Fast forward to earlier today. I attempt one more shot, am go see her at our work, and we talk a little before I ask her what she is doing after work, and she says she isn't doing anything. I ask her if she wants t hang out and go fo coffee later, after she's off work, and she says yes.
I text her to meet me there at 8pm around 3ish, and I don't get a reply back until about 30 minutes before we're supposed to meet. She apologizes for forgetting about going for coffee and that she actually went out for dinner with her parents. A nearly idéntical reason like what happened 6 months ago.
At this point, I figure she isn't actually into me and is sying this to hint she's not interested. So I replied back, 'fine, I got the hint.' She immediately texts back, 'what?'
Here is where I fuck up.
TIFU whén I realize that my text sounded pretty bitter, and I explained, through text again, that it wasn't. I then proceeded to text her a massive wall of text about how I felt bout her and sent it. I have no idea why.
That was at 8, about six hours ago. She always has her phone with her. We've been friends for abouta year now, and I'm pretty sure she's filing a restraining order against me. | Asked a friend of one year out, she flaked on the date, told her ho I felt about her over text... |
t3_4nwo93 | relationships | Me [25 M] with my girlfriend [26 F] been dating 6 months, I'm a bit worried about her relationship with her ex | I'm unsure of what to do here because I've had some problems with jealousy in the past and I don't want to make any decisions clouded by my own over the top emotions. I met this girl at the end of last year and since then we've become extremely close. Everything has been great so far. We both live in different cities, I'm moving to be with her (other reasons as well such as job, family).
She broke up with her ex after what she described was an unhappy relationship for many years. She told me she tried to make it work but couldn't. They broke up early last year, he begged her to get back together and she did. After a while she realised she was in the same unhappy relationship and broke up with him again.
Anyway since then they've been amicable with each other (they share a pet as well as having a lot of the same fiends). She's expressed an interest in remaining friends which I would be fine with except from everything I've been told so far, he still loves her and wants to be with her.
I've been fine with her going out for dinner with him and their mates together, but the other morning he came around to drop the cat off and stayed to have a cup of tea with her. I felt this crossed a boundary and got pretty upset.
When I spoke to her about it, at first she was pretty defensive, she didn't want me to tell her what to do. In the end she said if it's what I wanted she wouldn't be friends with him.
I don't know if I'm being unfair. For the first time in any relationship I'm trying to be honest and open, about myself as well. I'm not lookng for anyone to tell me what I want to hear, I just want to know what the right thing to do is.
Thanks for reading, it would be great if anyone could help. | Girlfriend becoming close with ex who loves her (she doesn't feel the same), I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable about it. |
t3_lam27 | relationships | BF adds hot stranger on Facebook, then insists it's no big deal. Am I crazy for being mad? | I'm F28, he's M29. We've been together for 6 months and it's been fun. He's sweet and caring and he's always been there for me. On the other hand, he's generally stubborn and even when he admits he's done something wrong he always says "that's just the way I am..." insted of properly apologising. Still, he never repeats his "mistakes".
Now, a couple of days ago I noticed that he had added a new, quite attractive girl on Facebook. | Boyfriend added hot stranger on Facebook, deleted her after I got mad, says it's no bid deal since she lives in a different country and they don't speak a common language. Am I crazy for thinking this is unacceptable? |
t3_jyon1 | relationship_advice | How do you know if you've fallen out of love? | I'll try to make this as short as I can, but there's a lot of stuff on my mind. Bear with me, I've had a few drinks...
I'm a 23 year old female in a relationship with a 24 year old male. To start, I'd like to say that I love my boyfriend very very much. We've been together over 3 years, and it's been amazing. When I'm sober, I can see our future together, and I want to marry him more than anything. I'm just confused because every time I get drunk, I get this overwhelming feeling that I don't belong with him and that there's someone out there more perfect for me. I keep finding myself looking at other guys and wondering if I'd be happier taking a different path in my life. For example, I just looked on a dating website about 10 minutes ago just to see what's out there. I don't know if I feel like this because of the alcohol or if I actually want something else in my life. I'm so confused.
There's a lot of things about my boyfriend that I love and that we have in common... both love the the same activities, both have the same vision for the future, both have the same fundamental values. But there's also a lot of things I feel like I don't share with him... I'm really into black guys (he's white), I like to have my freedom and hang out with whoever I want (he likes to weigh in on who I can and can't be friends with), and I like my privacy (he likes to read my emails and texts). I definitely still love him, but I don't know if I'm still IN LOVE with him. Maybe I'm just scared to be alone again... I don't know. I need your help reddit, what should I do? | Still in love with my boyfriend but not sure if I want to spend forever with him. How do I know when it's time to call it quits? |
t3_3en0up | relationships | (Me [15M]) any chance my lesbian crush [15F] could not be lesbian? | I've posted something similar to this awhile ago (it was actually my first post on /r/relationships) but I come today with a slightly different question. I've accepted that as long as my crush identifies as lesbian I'm not capable of "winning her over." But I'm wondering, at 15 is it possible she just doesn't quite understand who she is fully yet or she doesn't want to go back on her word after she's switched between straight, to bi, to lesbian (in terms of calling herself that)? I know I'm not supposed to determine someone else's sexuality for them and believe me, I think she is whatever SHE thinks she is. But I can't help fend off the nagging thought in my head. Also, no I'm not some homophobic guy trying to turn all gay people straight because "they haven't tried it yet" or whatever. I'm talking about her being bi (because I know for a fact she at least likes girls). Anyway, thank you for reading. | Is it possible a young teenage self proclaimed lesbian could secretly be bisexual because she's young or doesn't fully understand herself? |
t3_2chjl4 | relationships | Why can't I [18 M] talk to girls or anyone else well? | I've been single for two and a half years now and I don't know why. I'm a decent looking guy but I have no self-confidence or self-esteem.
I'm always thinking negative things and I compare myself to celebrities and get depressed seeing hot girls because I know I'll never even be able to talk to a girl like that.
I'm going to be a sophomore in college and move-in day is in two weeks. I NEED change. I want to be a social guy who has a lot of friends that are actually interested in me. Last year, I only made around 6 acquaintances. Before last year, I wanted college to be the best and most social years of my life. I need help.
When I meet someone, I can do the genuine "What are you studying? ... "Nice, I'm in Computer Science." ... "Yeah that show is funny." and everything. And every time I see someone I know, it's always "Hey, what's up?" ... blah blah "I'll see you around." How do I actually make friends?
I'm never completely comfortable when talking to people, only a very select few I've known for years. I want to be completely comfortable while talking to everyone and I want to have a lot of friends. Please help me. | I'm never completely comfortable while talking to anyone and that's a problem when I want to have a lot of friends. I'm in desperate need of help on how to be social as I'm getting more depressed every week. |
t3_neqby | AskReddit | Hey Reddit, I am suffering from all kinds of joint pains that don't seem to go away. Any insight? | I know I should perhaps visit a doctor but I cannot afford to see one right now. :( Also, I apologize for the wall of text
I have had pretty bad knee pains and neck pains for years. I've learned to manage them, although at times they hinder my ability to function. Unfortunately, over the last 6 months or so, I've developed several more joint pains.
I got bursitis in my right shoulder, which I went to therapy for (using the last of my money). Even though I kept up with the exercises and therapy sessions it never went fully away, and as soon as I ceased therapy (lack of funds) it came back. During therapy I began to notice pain in my left shoulder, asked the therapist and he said it's nothing. A month later today and it hurts just as bad as my right one.
Also, I've developed really bad pains in my elbows. i asked my girlfriend's cousin, a medical student, and she said it was tennis elbow (or golfers, I forgot which). On both elbows.
Meanwhile, I also have pains in my wrists, enough to where my hands go numb. Also, all my joints pop, crack, sometimes with sharp pains. My knee and neck (upper back) pains never went away and now I'm a mess of pain. I'm a 20 year old male. Because of all this (or perhaps another issue) I'm always lacking energy and feeling pretty down.
I used to wrestle in high school, with my knee and neck problems and it was manageable. I also weightlifted and I could handle it. Now I can barely do anything at all without pain, whether it be close a door or empty a grocery bag. | Developing pains in most of my joints, including tendon/tissue inflammation. I don't know why as I'm not doing anything that would seemingly cause this. |
t3_no5mz | AskReddit | thought I'd just pop on here and search for the answer, but every time it's asked it just gets snide, obvious "funny" replies: Viagra | I guess I must be naive. I didn't think Viagra was as hard to get under-the-counter as cocaine or Xanax. I thought somebody out there must know one of the thousands of websites which deal the real thing.
Why don't I just go ask my doctor?
Because it's for recreational purposes. I don't actually have a limp dick, I have a girlfriend with a high libido (I'm crying in my beer right this second), and once in a while I'd like to party like I did when I was 20.
Can I request anyone bored enough to answer this post not to suggest I check my spam email, or set up a Yahoo account? I know how the fucking internet works, I'm on it right now thanks. | SOPA means the end of the internet as we know it. Now get off your fat ass and make your voice heard! |
t3_10qoc2 | relationships | Should I follow her to Hong Kong or not ? [26-27] | I'm with my girlfriend (she's Taiwanese, 27) for almost three years now (I'm European, 26 years old) and we live in Taiwan together. She's since there she was born and I've arrived on the island almost 4 years ago.
Currently she hates her job and wants to move to Hong Kong where all her diploma will finally pay off. She's got major qualifications in finance and in Taiwan, there is just simply no matching job for her so she had to take something really under her potential.
Myself I've got an OK job in a big hardware company, I feel pretty happy there. Pay is not high, but it's steady and I don't work that much. I've got some friends there but not really bffs.
My girlfriend was talking a lot about moving to Hong Kong in a couple of years, but she suddenly decided to go there by the end of the year. She's asking me to come join her. Her decision is already taken, she quit her job this morning. I need to precise that her new job in Hong Kong might be extremely time-consuming.
Here are my options:
- start a long distance relationship with her (I'm not very good at this... i've already tried in the past... but why not I'm more mature now)
- go with her with Hong Kong. But this is a LOT of trouble: I need a new job, new place, find new friends, etc... On the other hand I'm pretty used to that I never lived more than 3 years at the same place
- break up with her and keep my life in Taiwan. Yes this went to my mind as well. She's an exceptional girl (the mere fact she's leaving Taiwan proves it actually) with an incredible will. Our relationship is not perfect and we got our arguments from time to time, but this option is definitely going to hurt.
Thanks a lot for reading me! I actually feel a bit better once I've written everything down. | my girlfriend is leaving for another country. Three options: follow her, break up with her, long distance relationship. I need to sort my mind! |
t3_2xrr1x | relationships | Am I (20M) just a jealous type or just messed up by a past relationship? | About two years ago I started a relationship where, while I was in basic training, I was cheated on. We were the same age at the time and together nearly 5 months before I left for 5 months of training where I, of course, wasn't going to see her. She met a guy and cheated on me multiple times just within two months of me being gone which she admitted to me over the phone. That only lasted two months because he was also in army training and she knew she couldn't go with him the day he left. Then towards the end of my training when I was preparing to come back home she tries to get me to come back to her. Being young and stupid I tried to make things work when I got back. Over the next few months I was always angry, whether it was her not communicating life changing decisions or just talking to guy friends, which I was never allowed to meet because "we didn't share friends". She was just a mean manipulative person and I know that now. We didn't work out as you probably would have guessed.
Fast forward a few more months and I meet a new girl(18). She is really nice, sweet and very much not like my ex. We have been together about four months. One thing she has in common with my ex though is a lot of guy friends. She doesn't hide anything but she talks to a lot of them through text and social media. Even though she knows why I get jealous or curious what they talk about she still gets mad because "I'm comparing her to my ex". I'm not sure what I should do personally to make myself feel more comfortable with it. | I had a long term relation ship that ended because I was cheated on and now I'm uncomfortable with my current relationship when my girlfriend hangs with or talks to other guys. |
t3_q076l | AskReddit | Just found out my girlfriend talks with her college ex very regularly. Am I right to be upset or overreacting? | So the other day I'm at dinner with the girlfriend. Things are going great, as always, when this guy gets brought up in a conversation once again. I never really questioned it, but this time I was like "So... how often do you talk to this guy, anyway?"
She tells me they email back and forth roughly 3 times a week. I just went "Oh. That sucks."
Annnd que awkward feeling in my gut since. The rest of the night was kinda lame because I was put off by the idea that she still speaks and is friendly with a dude she used to bang for 4 years. We're 24, by the way, so this was 2 years ago she was with this guy. She immediately noticed I was upset, and started by saying "Well I'm not going to just stop talking to him, he's a really great friend of mine!" so I calmly said "Yeah, I know, I never asked you to stop talking to him. But it still sucks." Then it was "I don't like him that way, you're the one I care about, etc."
So that was last night and I've felt weird all day, plus I've been kind of ignoring her. I've been having conflicting emotions about it. On one hand, I realize she's a pretty girl with an awesome personality. Dudes are gonna be gunning for her left and right, I need to have confidence and not let it get to me.
Then my mind goes, "Yeah that's all well and good but she's still keeping up with the dude she was with on and off for FOUR YEARS."
So what of it, Reddit? Overracting? Underreacting? Cats? What say ye? | Girlfriend talks regularly with dude she dated on and off in college for four years. I'm not sure how to handle it. |
t3_2z1jnn | relationships | Me [20 F] with my bf [25 M] of almost a year. I'm too clingy, help? | I feel like I'm the clingy girlfriend. I want to hug him all the time, and be around him constantly. We live together, but I have my own group of friends, so it's easy to give him some time to himself and go off on my own, but when I'm around him all I want to do is hug and cuddle him. We've discussed it and he says he'll tell me if it gets too bad, but I still want to find ways to make sure it doesn't get to that point. He is an extremely loving and affectionate person, but still likes space and time to himself like most people. I feel like it should be easy to just stay away, but I constantly feel like I NEED to be in physical contact with him. I feel calmer and more at ease when I do.
Maybe related: I have really severe anxiety issues, and have been also mentally healing from a traumatizing break-in situation from a while ago. I have suspicions that this may be related, though I've always been pretty clingy. | I'm clingy, boyfriend says he'll tell me if it becomes too much, but I don't want to let it get to that point. Maybe anxiety related? Any tips are great. :) |
t3_sl6sp | dating_advice | Don't want to be a vulture | (NB: Throwaway because some friends have a habit of checking my reddit and I'm trying to keep this down low for now)
So, there's a girl (19) at uni who I've (20/M) liked for a long time. I asked her out once and was told "I don't really know you, so not now". I didn't do anything (actively avoided her because I'm a coward) then decided to man the fuck up a couple of months later and ask her again and she says she's in a relationship.
They broke up last week, because their relationship ended up being too intense for her bf. I happened to be around and was the shoulder to cry on and everything she said made her more beautiful to me. She wants exactly the same things as me in a relationship. She keeps baring her soul to me when singing (and I've done it to her as well) and she's just making herself so damn attractive.
I've slept in the same bed as her twice, once after the break-up because I knew she wasn't sleeping and wanted to make sure she did and a couple of nights ago. I wasn't going to the second time because I had no idea whether she actually found me attractive but she seemed to be telling me to stay. So we had 4 people in this double bed and I spent the night cuddling up to her.
I want to tell her that I've not wanted someone like this for a **long** time. But I've had to lie to her face because I didn't want to break her (the way she works is she gets really happy if she's made someone else happy, but sad as hell if she's hurt someone, and dammit I'm not hurting her).
What the hell do I do? I can't not say something because that'll break her when I inevitably snap and she finds out, but if I move too soon I'll look like a vulture and might just be a replacement which would hurt me more. | Pretty girl I've liked for a long time has just been dumped, I need to make some move so how long do I wait? |
t3_1kbkf3 | relationships | My ex[24f] ended it with me[25M] of 3.5 years and started dating another guy 2 days later, question for the ladies: Does rebounding make the pain of your previous relationship last longer? | I'm going NC with my ex of 3.5 years. We haven't contacted each other in a few weeks but before I cut off all contact I found out she was already dating another guy.
She broke it off with me because "she didn't want better, but something different."
NC has done wonders for me so far (I'm still hurting but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel), but theres a nagging question that keeps popping up in my head day after day.
I want to know if rebounds postpone the pain of the breakup for women? Is the saying "I'll hurt today, they'll hurt tomorrow" accurate?
I've never rebounded after a breakup, I let all the pain hit me and hard at the start, because if I'm going through hell I want to get the hottest part over with. | Ex broke it off with me, started dating new guy very soon after. Ladies, will this postpone her pain or is she feeling pain like me? |
t3_36n244 | relationships | I [22M] am falling in love with the one girl [22F] in a group of otherwise male friends and am feeling extremely conflicted, emotionally. | I feel like such a creep for feeling this way. Of course the one girl in the group - who also happens to be pretty good-looking - is going to get doted on by just about everyone else. It makes me second guess whether I really like her for who she is, or just because she's more easy to imagine getting romantically involved with.
However, feeling this way about her reeks of desperation, which I dislike.
But on the flip side, there are some very compelling reasons why, logically, one would fall in love with her, including the facts that we already get along, have major passions in common, and that she is a very genuine and kind person.
I'm so confused about how I should feel about this. I find myself caring about her, but I'm also disgusted with myself because of how sad it sounds to be just another one of the guys who likes her maybe in part because she's the only female here. And I feel horrible for her that she is subject to this, even though she's not conscious of it (I only know because a couple other guys in the group confided separately with me, not knowing that I had also developed burgeoning feelings for her.)
Could any of you people with experience in these matters please help me to sort through these feelings? | every guy -including myself- in a group of friends is seemingly crushing on the one girl in the group, and it makes me hate myself. I'm not sure how to feel and am very confused. |
t3_49znj1 | relationships | I [24 F] went on a couple dates with [25 M]; he likes me but doesn't want to plan a future date | Went on a couple dates with this guy; we really hit it off and both dates were just filled with laughter. Last date I felt the physical tension and really wanted to kiss him.
I kept placing hints about our next date (we had a few ideas), and finally asked when he was free. He said he doesn't want to plan a future date with me, and will tell me why next time I see him. He's apparently dealing with a few things on his end (family stuff or relationship I don't know) and will tell me what's up next time I see him.
That's the thing, he keeps saying "next time we see each other" yet doesn't want to say when that will be. It definitely won't be for another 3 weeks. I want to be patient and give him his space (which is what I'm doing) but...I also don't want to be strung along. My worst fear is that he's trying to work it out with an ex or whomever, and I'm just sitting on the sidelines as a back-up plan. I don't know what to do...and I really like this guy and think the best of him. But I know how much that has bitten me in the ass before. We still talk every day too. | After a couple dates with a guy, he explicitly says he doesn't want to plan another date, and will tell me why next time we talk. Confusing. |
t3_54mhkv | offmychest | My wife's family is falling apart and it's so painful to watch. | The dice were cast 40 years ago when her biological father walked out on the family of 5 kids. The psychological damage he did ruined 3 of the 5 kids right there. The other 2 (my wife and the youngest) were spared the worst of it for different reasons.
As time went on, the alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and feelings of abondonmenment caused the children -other than my wife and the youngest- to slowly morph into angry, bitter, paranoid shadows of who they could have been. Now it's one huge ball of hatred and mistrust. My mother in law began to show signs of early dementia about 3 years ago and now she's pretty disfunctunal. They all fight over what to do with her and they're always drunk or high so nothing gets resolved. Just a bunch of fourty and fifty year-olds with no real life skills fighting. | father abandons family 40 years ago leading to a drug and alcohol-fueled dysfunctional family of in-laws. My wife is, thankfully, somehow unaffected. |
t3_2ztevq | relationships | Me [17 M] with my girlfriend [17 F] we had a discussion on trust with eachother, and she doesn't believe I entirely trust her | My girlfriend and I were having a pretty laid back conversation, and we somehow got onto the topic of raves/parties. We talked about going to concerts, etc. together. And I told her when it came to something like that, I wouldn't want her to go without me. I guess I'm just uncomfortable with her getting fucked up with the possibility of guys trying to hit on her, without me there. In her eyes, this means that I don't trust her completely, though she didn't get angry, and said it didn't hurt her, but that I had nothing to worry about and that no amount of alcohol could ever lead her to messing up what we have. I thought that was incredibly sweet, and I honestly do trust her completely (in my eyes, at least), but I definitely can't hide the fact that I'd have anxieties about her partying without me there.
I do know she truly loves me, and I guess I just worry that while she says she'd never do those things, that may change when her judgement is more clouded. I do really love this girl, and she's never given me any reason not to trust her. In fact we had a very long discussion, and she told me it was okay to have these anxieties, but she doesn't believe I can completely trust her until I'm rid of those. She also told me that she knows that no matter how drunk I was, that I'd never cheat on her and that she 100% trusts me, which made me feel kind of shitty for having these fears.
I guess this isn't the biggest problem, and we kind of talked it out ourselves. I guess my question for those with more experience is, would you be okay with your SO getting drunk and partying without you? If not, does that mean you don't entirely trust them? And if so, how can I better come to terms with this, and not be anxious about it? | Girlfriend doesn't think I 100% trust her because I said I wouldn't be comfortable with her hypothetically raving/partying without me, because I'm not sure what may happen. Any advice on this topic? |
t3_1526h3 | AskReddit | Reddit, should I go find a small town in the middle of no where to live in? | I just graduated college in an extremely difficult major whilst learning how to cope and manage my anxiety disorder with unsupported parents and siblings who never took stock in me finishing.
I'm feeling lost and don't know what to do with myself, and I want to just get in the car and drive until I find a small town in the middle of nowhere to figure out who I am outside of school. It's kind of always been my "get away from it all and find myself" dream.
Money isn't an issue, but I imagine I'd try to find work when I found wherever I was going.
This issue I'm facing is pretty straight-forward. Parents will worry because I don't have an intention of staying in contact. The whole "you can't just *leave*" thing that comes from the need to be a responsible person in society. Oh, and general fear and anxiety. But none of those seem like enough of a reason to not go take care of me.
Note: I at some point plan to go to grad school, travel Europe, etc, etc. This is more of an immediate, I'm leaving tomorrow thing. | I just got an awesome degree, I have money, and no real objectives, should I leave tomorrow drive until I find a place to rest my feet? |
t3_116cj9 | dating_advice | My( 24M) mutual crush (24F) has decided to take sometime off to get over her past..how should I help? | Some background: She's a first year in Med School, I'm a 2nd year. She's 3 months out of a 3 year relationship, I'm 4 months out of a 6 year relationship. We started talking and hanging out a lot about 3 weeks ago. I've swept her off her feet: cooking for her, buying her flowers, being an all around gentleman & taking things slow. When we are physical (no sex yet b/c we both want to take it slow) the passion is insane.
With that, she hasn't really spoken of her past that much because her ex pretty much messed her up emotionally (so she says) by cheating and "other things". And now she has trust issues - I told her I see no problem with her and will help her out, be there, and that it won't scare me away. She, more than I, is wary of getting into a relationship so soon - which I COMPLETELY understand because I feel the same way. However, last night just through her physical manners I can tell that she was getting really emotionally involved in me, and same goes for me.
Today she texts me telling me that she wants some time to sort things out and that she's confused as to whether or not she wants to get into a relationship now and that she wants to see a therapist. I told her to meet up with me and basically tell her that I understand and respect all that she's saying - and that I wish I could be her superhero and show her how she should be treated but I can't do that because she needs to be emotionally ready to take a leap of faith.
It's established we both really like each other a lot, but I'm worried of how long it may take her to move on. Ideally I'd wait for her, but realistically, that isn't possible. I want to be there for her as much as I can but it's decided that we wouldn't talk that much while she's working on her emotions.
With that, how do you guys think I should go about supporting her but respecting her space? | Emotionally scarred girl I've been talking to, where the strong attraction is mutual, wants to take time away to work on her issues from past relationships. How can I support her emotionally yet respect her space? |
t3_rg97m | AskReddit | Alright Reddit, I need some help with what I think is depression. Since you guys think like I do, I need some direction. | So lately I've been coming to terms with the fact that I am most likely depressed. I'm familiar with the symptoms and I regrettably must admit that I most likely am depressed. The thought of me being depressed is in my mind associated with weakness and fragility and that causes me to become almost infuriated. I do however have the desire to see my family doctor and hopefully figure out if depression really is the problem. The difficulty with this (me being away at university) is that my family doctor is in my hometown where my parents live. I need to see my family doctor (I'm in Canada) without my parents knowing (for my own reasons) however it seems that it will be impossible to go to my own family doc without my parents being alerted.
As a side note, I have a condition that prevents me from taking the majority of anti-depressants there are. I know there are many non-medication options including therapy for me however I am naturally skeptical. I personally meditate on a regular basis and that helps keep my mind sound. Another interesting thing I have found is that when I smoke marijuana (I started much after I was already depressed), I find myself much happier, without any stress at all. These effects last not only during the high, but for the next few days. I'm not a regular stoner and it pains me to say, but it seems that I'm living day to day waiting for the next time I can get high so I can be happy again. | I think I'm depressed, weed makes it better, can't take most anti-depressants, family doctor is far away near my parents who cant find out I'm depressed. |
t3_1hcg97 | relationship_advice | He 24m expects me 23f to give up all my friends when we move in together | Just as title says... We've been together since October of last year and moving in together next week. He wants me to give up all my friends... ALL of them. He's in another town- 27 miles away from me. He thinks they aren't a positive influence so I should give them up no problem. I'm having trouble doing this... These are my people and I know I won't be seeing them as often as I used to but I really don't like the idea of giving them all up. I don't want to leave him- moving in has to happen at this point (gave notice to my apt complex already and too much vested in it all to turn back). Reddit, how can I work past this issue? How might you suggest I can get him to understand? I've tried talking to him about it and he just gets really upset and yells that they aren't "positive" people.
Honestly they don't hurt me, we don't get in trouble together, they don't encourage cheating, they are good friends to me... They are just going through rough times right now. | boyfriend wants me to give up all the ppl in my past (friends especially) when I move in next week. How to work past this? |
t3_17h030 | relationships | 25M Having A Hard Time With My 24F GF | I'm in a tricky and complicated relationship of 4 months with someone currently going through a separation/divorce. We backtracked from "boyfriend/girlfriend/in a relationship" after three months of playing house into a lighter arrangement that works more for her (she is craving the freedom - even if she doesn't pursue it).
I've been patient and understanding of her situation (openly missing her ex, letting it affect our time together, the general hot & coldness of her confusion), while still trying to advocate for my rights. We still spend most of our free time and weekends together. We also still say "I love you" and plan vacations together.
Last night, while missing me particularly more than usual, my "girlfriend" went on an Instagram photo-liking spree that went back to pictures over a year old - which featured me with an ex.
Now my "gf" is upset because she feels like the intimate things we've shared are all motions I've done a million times in the past. She attributed my similar phrasing in captions to what I've told her (and meant) and completely discredits every sacrifice I've made to be with her while she figures out all of her issues.
How can I show her that what I say and do for her are genuine and sincere? I've tried explaining that she can only set the bar for future girls I meet, and not the ones I settled for before her. I'm so tired of fighting and making it be known how special I think she is, only to have it all not count during a moment of jealousy or insecurity. I just want to be with her and help her achieve her goals. I'd also love to make her happy and be happy in the process.
It might also help to include she is bipolar (mostly happy, manic times), and is also due for her monthly visitor. It's a lot to deal with and I'm trying not to be an emotional jerk than makes decisions based off of emotional reactions. | My girlfriend of 4 months discredits all of our intimate interactions because photos from a year ago make her feel like everything I do has been done before with someone else. |
t3_4qwz1k | relationships | Me F [28] what to do with M who kissed me? | I'm hopeless and only had my first kiss a few weeks ago, from a guy I know but I'm not close with or anything. After the kisses I fled and acted a bit awkward (I was drunk...) and now I'm trying to build op contact again. We did go on a kind of date 2 weeks later and it was nice but I think it was awkward for both of us. When I text he always texts back but his answers are short and he never starts the conversation. I never figured out how to handle things like this in my teens so I'm a bit late with all this...what do I do? Keep texting or leave him alone ? I'd like to meet up again, just to see how things are, but the first date was already my idea and I don't want to be pushy. Its really unlikely that we will randomly meet since we live far away.
Asking random people on the Internet for advice like this is a bit strange but I'd like to know what you would do in this situation ? | dude kissed me, I freaked out, now I want to get to know him but not bother him. What Do I Do ? |
t3_2mugp6 | relationships | [20 M] How do I prepare for the ultimate of rejection? | I met this really nice person through Okcupid. She is 25 and has her own life and everything.
We met and then she moved. She said she would miss me and she would be back in January. Last time I saw her was in October.
I know I should have moved on and found another nice woman. But I couldn't. Okcupid hasn't been working too well for me and I suck at meeting women.
So now she is coming back soon. I'm scared.
I want to see her again, and when I do I want to ask her if she wants a relationship with me. I'm pretty sure she is going to say no, because I'm so young and all.
I'm terrified of that. Here I am, building up this encounter. All this stuff is building up in my little head and I'm going to ask her, and then I'm going to be let down.
I know this all sounds silly, I know there are plenty of fish in the sea. I just feel dumb and confused, and upset at myself. I wish I could just find another gal in the mean time, but I can't. I can't find anyone, and no one can find me. I just suck at life in general, and then to see this awesome woman. She said I was cute and had cool hair. It's like, man. I just feel dumb.
I'm going to be let down when I finally ask her. I feel like my world will collapse because of all this build up I've been doing. It just keeps building up and up.
I want to know how she feels. I just want to go down swinging rather than never know. But if she felt like I do, why doesn't she ask me now? Maybe she is waiting, I highly doubt it. I feel like a big stupid kid.
I've been working out like crazy. But I can't shake her off my mind. There is no one else in my head except her. And all this buildup is scaring me. | Woman I loved moved and will be back soon and I'm terrified of being rejected and want to know how to handle it when it happens. |
t3_3tm35n | relationships | My friend [23F] always cancels plans with me [25F]. Should I just give up? | Throwaway because she reddits too.
Basically the title says it all. We became friends over a year ago when we joined a gym class together. We text fairly often, ask how each other's days went, talk about boys, etc. We're great pen pals I guess--but we never get to hang out. She's always tired or busy or wants to spend time with her cat.
On the rare occasions where we agree on a date, "Hey let's hang out next Friday!"--she'll text me a few hours before the time saying she can't make it.
Is she blowing me off? Should I just let it go? I understand people have busy schedules--I work overtime myself--but maybe I'm trying too hard to be her friend.
This isn't the first time this has happened to me, but I'm not clear on what the next step should be. | My "friend" blows me off whenever I want to hang out, cancels constantly on me or is too tired. |
t3_50jmb3 | jobs | Great interview experience with hiring manager, horrible experience with HR manager? | How would you recommend I handle this situation?
I work in marketing, and one of the companies that I've been interviewing with seems to have the worst HR department imaginable. After going through a slightly bizarre screening, I set up an on-site interview with their Marketing VP and their HR VP.
To be honest, I really enjoyed talking with the Marketing VP, and the conversation actually made me more excited for the job than I was when I walked into it. The VP of HR though... Ugh.
For starters, her first question was about my college GPA (I have 7 years of work experience...). Then, she scoffed at how large my marketing team was at a prior job (I wasn't aware that I had a hand in their hiring strategy?). Throughout the interview, she continued to repeat questions over and over again, seemingly unsatisfied with my answers. She kept trying to lowball my experience, and at one point, I very clearly saw her write in her notes "seems dry to talk to him."
I guess my question is: **given that I will most likely never talk to HR when I'm working there, how much should I weigh this experience for or against them?**
As I continue to think about it, I'm starting to see potential red flags, such as the range of experience for the job was 2-7 years (???), the company doesn't have any Glassdoor reviews (despite being around since the 90s), and that I started to get the vibe that it seemed like HR wants to hire a coordinator while the Marketing VP wants to hire a manager. | HR was so horrible that I'm not sure I'd want to work there, despite the hiring manager being fantastic. Should I even bother? |
t3_19arfp | tifu | TIFU by punting an old woman's phone into a pool | **This took place during my trip to mexico last year**
I woke up one morning of my trip and headed to the pool with my mom; It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and there was almost nobody at the pool. We set up our chairs with towels and relaxed for a half hour. The whole time I sat in the pool chair, Being the blind fuck I am, I was completely oblivious to this tiny old woman treading at the edge of the pool, next to me. She was wearing a fucking pool-colored sun-hat! [Accurate Representation] And sitting on the ledge of the bool, beside her, was a smoothie and her cell phone (I didn't see any of this at the time).
Anyways, this day was like no other, It was so fucking hot outside. So, I get up to move an umbrella next to our seats, so I pull one up behind my chair an position it juuuuust right, (*that shadow was fucking perfect*). I come back around my chair to sit back down, the ground was so hot, so I had to pull some Usain Bolt shit to get back. In these powerful jolts of leg-action to get to my chair, completely oblivious, I had lined my foot up at the perfect angle for this shitty little Motorola phone to feel my full wrath. I took a great big step and then made contact.
By the time I realised, It was too late. That phone travelled at a magnificent arch into the centre of the swimming pool. I froze for a few second's, in shock of what I had done, the look in that woman's face was terrifying. She could not comprehend what just happened. I stood there in shock, as she swam out to the middle of the pool (It was quite shallow) and fished her phone from the drink. By now, About five staff members and my mother had saw what had happened and were laughing hysterically. I offered to pay for a new phone, but she was very nice about it, and said she was due for a new phone anyways. | Ground around pool was on fire, ran back to my chair, kicked an old womans phone into a pool, ???, profit |
t3_418tro | relationships | She [24 F] totally blew off our Skype date and I'm [28 M] not OK with it. | I've been in a LDR with a girl living in china for a little over a month now, and we've been very happy with high levels of interaction until we both got very busy with our jobs.
The past 2 weeks we barely have the chance to spend any time
with each other (skype, call, even text), much less hold a legitimate conversation with each other. So, this morning we had
scheduled a Skype date so we could cam and catch up. We planned it a few days in advanced and confirmed the time.
The scheduled time 7:30 AM (8:30 PM in China) rolls around
and I'm ready to go. Toss her a message on Skype, no response.
About an hour later I follow up just asking her to shoot me an update because I'm genially confused / worried at this point.
Almost *3 hours* later, she sends me a message telling me her older
brother got a bit too drunk and she's taking him home now. I get that stuff comes up and taking care of your
family is totally valid. I don't think for a second she was just brushing me off with a lame excuse. However, I can't
help but feel like she totally could've let me know what's going on.
Obviously we've both been incredibly busy. We've both communicated that and although the level of interaction isn't exactly something I'm happy about, it's perfectly understandable given the time difference and our heightened levels of busyness.
The part that frustrates me is even if something comes up last minute, isn't it courteous to at least update me or let me know
what's going on? Especially considering the fact that tonight (this
morning) was one of the few chances we would get to actually
spend some time together.
Honestly a part of me wants to let it slide, but seeing as how the
relationship is relatively new, I feel the need to establish what's
ok and what's not. | Is my frustration justified? Do I just play it cool like I was just worried and it's not a big deal? Or do I approach this more sternly? |
t3_4ai897 | college | Deciding what to major in?? | Hey guys,
I'm in my second semester of my first year at a community college, and during a meeting with a counselor, I found out they want me to declare a major by the end of the semester/the start of the next semester, giving me less time than I thought to get cracking on what I want to do with my life.
Right now, my interests include art (including fine art, illustration), music, writing, politics and (just starting out with) video game development. I've been really thinking and I don't know which of these I should major in, if any. I really love all of these and I always feel like I have a new interest every month. (ex: I'm in love with art and want to be an illustrator one month, and the next I'm gung-ho on being a composer for film and media; this month, I'm getting into writing again.)
My main concern is what if I make a mistake in what I major since my interests fluctuate from one subject to another. I feel like I might make a wrong decision.
How do I figure out what to major in? | Should I major art, music, screenplay writing, politics, video game development, or none? I am passionate about all of these but I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision in choosing what to major in. |
t3_2jzvys | relationships | My [25 F] husband [27 M] is working second shift (3-11 pm) while I work days, he is depressed and it's affecting our relationship. How to comfort him or make life changes to help? | My husband works in the medical industry and between the unpredictable schedules, coworkers, and soul-sucking management, he is very depressed. He recently switched to a different employer (doing the same job) and is still having the same problems. He works 2nd shift (3-11 pm) and feels very guilty/sad/lonely because it's basically the opposite of my schedule (8 am-5), so we don't get to see each other. We're both home alone for long periods while the other is at work. Although we get weekends together, it's affecting our relationship because he feels depressed/guilty for putting us through this. His employer claims a day shift will open up for him someday, but is very vague and refuses to make promises. Has anyone else experienced this schedule difference, and been able to make it work? Maybe get a dog to fill the alone time? Creating a ritual/special day(s) for quality time together? | I work day shift (9-5) and husband works 2nd shift (3pm-11), it's affecting our relationship. How to make this work/maximize the little time spent together? |
t3_41uhtx | relationships | Me [26/F] with my fiance [28/M] (dating 7 years/recently engaged). He wants me to only invite 10 people to the wedding. How reasonable is this? | We met in college, been dating for over 7 years. Always agreed on our timeline to get engaged around now and to get married next year.
For the past year or so, we have been looking at possible wedding venues. He wants a destination wedding (probably Europe), and I would prefer it to be in our home country (we are both originally from North America, different hometowns, but are currently living and working in Asia). I'm not too hung up on venue because we both have family and friends all over the map so it would require some of them to travel regardless. Just thought that home country would make things easier.
Since he has a small family and fewer friends, I'd always known and agreed that it would be a small wedding. But I didn't know that our definitions of "small" were so different.
He only has 2 family members who will attend, plus a handful of friends, and he doesn't want the guest list to look "unbalanced" (too many guests are my family/friends instead of his). So he wants both of us to only invite 10 people each. My definition of small wedding is more on the lines of 50 guests.
I have a very big family (if it were up to my mom, she would probably invite 80-100 extended family members). But in terms of close family, there would be 9 that I would absolutely have to invite, which would leave me with one spot for a friend.
Even if he were willing to budge and up the number to 15, I would still have a ton of friends who would be very upset if they did not get invites.
I know that wedding planning is generally stressful on engaged couples, and really don't want this to put unnecessary stress on us right from the get-go. On the other hand, I really don't want to disappoint my family and friends.
Also this is not a budget issue - we have saved at least $35k USD for the wedding. | Is it unreasonable is it for fiance to limit our wedding to 20 people? If yes, how do I get him to see my perspective without stressing him out about it? |
t3_4fl05g | relationship_advice | (17M) I'm going to prom in two weeks with a girl (17F) who I'm friends who I've got a crush on... | I've known her for 6ish years. We've never been really close friends until recently (3 weeks), but I've had a crush on her since 3 years ago. She is very smart and sweet and all that. Anyways, she very clearly only wants us to be friends and I completely respect that. However being the hopeless romantic (read asshole) that I am, I know that I will over-analyze everything that happens at prom and keep pretending that she likes me romantically until she shuts me down harder. My question is how do I enjoy this prom as her friend and how do I stop myself from trying to get closer if she doesn't want it? I really want to stay friends with her and if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, I don't want my feelings to get in the way of our friendship. | I like this girl romantically, but we're just friends. I respect that and want to stay friends without my feelings get int the way. Also going to prom together. |
t3_rfn3p | AskReddit | Does Anyone Have Any Helpful Tips to Help a Poor Guy Move Past his Ex? | I know this isn't the saddest thing ever nor is it the hardest thing anyone on reddit has ever gone through but it's my hardest thing for me and my love life so far (and hopefully nothing worse happens). I really loved this girl and all that we had before shit went downhill.
About mid January, I stopped talking to my ex all together. We were not exactly dating but we were still spending a lot of time online (distance relationship) and flirting and what not; still doing a lot of the same thigns we used to. So one day, I decide to ask where this is all going and if she was ready to give us a shot again. She tells me no and that she can't move past the troubles we have (long story there). So I get upset because I feel like I was strung along and what not but she has the nerve to ask "Why can't we be friends?" At the time, the only thing I could say was that I could not see her with another guy, period. So I did the hardest thing I've had to do in a relationship and stopped all contact. Deleted everything.
Fast forward a couple months and I start playing a game we used to play (we were a gaming nerd couple and the game is League of Legends in case anyone is wondering) and for one reason or another, we didn't delete each other on there. So one day (just last week) I see this person I have never seen before and I get suspicious. I find out it's her and she changed her name for her new boy toy. So I promptly delete and just think about how right I was about her finding a new guy so soon and how much it would actually hurt...especially since she put it out there like that. So now I just need to find distractions or ways to not think about this but it invades my thoughts everday, frequently. Any tips would be greately appreciated. | Stop talking to ex after feeling like I was strung along, find out she's dating new guy. Feeling shitty and forgotten and need tips to get through it. (Btw this is my first posting). |
t3_4nutuq | relationships | Me [31 F] with my fiancee [28 F] - her mother [60ies F] is not happy about our wedding next month. Is there anything we can do? | I have come back for more advice - last time we asked whether we should invite our families to our wedding and the overwhelming majority here said yes so we have. But now we have a new issue...
I am the first woman my fiancee dated and while her father took the news of her dating a woman very well, her mother did not. We gave her time to deal with it and she has been less negative over time. We have met and she has been very civil with me, even nice (she is a bit awkward as people go, but that is not out of the ordinary) but you can see that when we talk about future prospects (we want to have children, possibly buy a house, move to a new country together) she kind of flinches, so we knew the wedding thing would not make her happy.
We told my future father in law first and he was very happy for us and continues to be but future mother in law is sad. Not just a bit upset, actually devastatingly sad - she sounds like someone died when we talk to her on the phone. I think she was hoping this would be a phase and then her daughter would go back to "normal" and the wedding is destroying this fantasy.
Obviously this weighs heavily on my fiancee's mind, she is not particularly close to her mother but it is her mum after all. She wishes that the mother could see how happy we are (and how my gender really doesn't matter!).
I understand that this might be a blow to how she imagined her daughter's life but I really wish if she can't be happy for us she at least tried to hide it so my fiancee doesn't have to deal with this on what should be a very happy day.
Does anyone have experience in this and can help us with advice? My family took me coming out extremely well and we live in a "bubble" in that nobody around us has ever had a problem with it - so this is really new territory. | Future mother in law is very sad that her daughter is marrying me aka a woman. We worry this may affect our wedding day but also just life in general. Advice needed on handling situation! |
t3_30q8hx | relationships | I think my [23F] boyfriend's [25M] friends are trying to pull him away from me and I don't know why. Their leaving on a trip soon and I'm worried. | I've been with my man for 4 months now and I love him more than anything. I could spend every last minute with him. Two month's ago he finally let me move in to his apartment. He's handsome, tall, responsible, warm, funny and he has a well paying job. However I have a big problem with his friends. I'm always nice to them but they don't like me. Whenever they visit they seem reluctant to talk freely when I'm around even though I know they liven up when I leave. Recently they stopped meeting at our place altogether and don't want me to hang around. I think they hate me. I've even been told to leave them alone when I drove out to find them at a bar. I told my bf that I didn't want to be alone and even tried crying to get him to come with me but he didn't.
Next week my boyfriend and three of his asshole friends are leaving on a week long road trip. He planned the trip before we were together and doesn't want to let me come with them. I'm worried sick that his friends may use the time alone to convince my man to leave me. I know its not rational but I know it in my gut that they don't want us together. I'm really tempted to secretly follow them but I don't want to seem like a crazy stalker and thet would probably discover me anyways. I need a way to keep the love of my life around. Please please please help me. | My boyfriend's friends hate me and want us to split. I think they'll use time alone to convince him to leave me. HELP |
t3_2b1ko0 | relationships | I [31M] want to propose to my GF [31F]. . but should I first confess my past mild infidelities? | I've been with my GF for 10 years and I want to propose and get married. However, over the past 10 years I've had 2 or 3 minor 'slipups'.
These have largely been in form of some flirting on nights out. It usually consists of - a girl hitting on me, and me not doing anything to discourage it, and instead encouraging it.
I have never actually kissed, or slept with anyone else - but it's the fact that I didn't do anything to discourage these things happening (i.e. not instantly saying "i've got a girlfriend") makes me feel guilty and unfaithful.
There's no real excuse for why these incidents happen, they have only happened 2 or 3 times over the 10 years, and only when i've been blind drunk. As I said, I know being drunk isn't excuse but I guess I lose control and the flattery / excitement takes over?
I feel like I need to wipe the slate clean and confess this stuff happened before I propose - but I keep tossing the idea of doing this around in my mind, thinking it will do more damage than good.
On the one hand I want no secrets at all; and the guilt / anxiety is wearing me down. On the other hand, I can't decide if it's actually selfish of me - and i'm only considering this to make myself feel better.
What do you think, Reddit? | Have gotten drunk & flirted with girls on 2 or 3 occasions over past 10 years - but now want to propose to my GF. Should I confess? |
t3_1ye2em | travel | Getting a Visa to teach abroad in Spain | Hey guys,
So I am planning on teaching abroad later this year in Spain and I need some advice about how to obtain a visa. I have been advised to sign up for a cheap class and then get a student visa that way. I think this is a great idea, but I don't know where I want to live yet. I am planning to take my TEFL certification in Barcelona but I am interested in moving to Seville to actually teach after that so I don't know where to sign up for a class. I have looked into getting a work visa but it seems like I already need to have a job landed for that to work out. A lot of people have told me it's not a big deal to go without a visa, but I have a SO in the UK so I need the visa since I'll be traveling to see him a few times. Basically I need the Visa. | I need help figuring out how to get a Visa for a year in Spain while I teach. Any advice appreciated. |
t3_4tvtkl | relationship_advice | BF [23/M] has slept with many different girls how do I get past the feeling of disgust over it. | I [23/F] have been with my boyfriend for about a year. When I met him, I didn't think that he was the type to sleep around or sleep with multiple girls. He made himself seem like the good Christian boy type. Lately I've been finding out just how many girls he's slept with from before me and while we were on a break (long story). Anytime something about his past encounters comes up I can't help feeling utterly disgusted with him. Is this because I had built him up so high in my mind that knowing that he's not that person bothers me? How can I get past it? It's not like he's the first guy I've slept with so I shouldn't feel this disgusted towards him. Maybe the fact that I slept with people I had feelings for makes a difference whereas he has slept with random girls off tinder. | boyfriend has slept with more girls than I ever imagined and I want to get back to being proud of who he is. How can I get past my feelings of disgust? |
t3_454ofg | relationships | My [23F] best friend doesn't take time to listen to me[25F] anymore. | My best friend moved away a few years ago. We had a great relationship, and I enjoyed just about every moment.
When she moved away 2 years ago, it was clear the distance put a strain on our friendship. Our schedules are very different, but whenever she's feeling down, I make time to listen to her, sometimes giving up sleep to make sure she feels better. I've always worried the distance would drive us apart so I try very hard to make time for her.
But I can't say she does the same for me. Often when I feel down, she will say she'll call me at a certain time, and then I won't hear from her for days. She rarely returns calls or answers texts. Her schedule seems to be insanely busy, except when she needs me to listen to her. Then suddenly it's always wide open.
I've told her how I feel a couple of times, and the result is always the same. She apologizes and tries to harder to communicate. But that only lasts a few weeks before she goes back to her old ways.
Got any advice? | My best friend moved away, and even though I try very hard to make time for her, she rarely every makes time for me. |
t3_1sx5os | Advice | I had a pretty socking experience involving a homeless individual tonight, and i need some advice/reassurance. | While driving home from work tonight, I popped into Sonic to get a drink. A man, around my age, approached my car and asked if i could give him a ride to a nearby (Less than a mile) McDonald's. I looked him over, and something told me that he was not a threat. I agreed, and he introduced himself as "Mike". On the way to his destination, he told me a story of how his mom had kicked him out after she relapsed, and he had been on the street for a month. He said he had been able to work out a deal with the father of one of his friends, allowing him to live with him for a $40 per two weeks rent. As h cried in my passenger seat, something told me he was telling the truth. I gave him the money he needed, and dropped him off with a Merry Christmas. I then realized how stupid I was. He could have killed me. My question to you guys is: was I right to trust my gut on this one? Did I do the right thing? I feel like I did, but I can't help but feel idiotic. | Gave homeless guy a ride/money based on a judge of character and the Christmas Spirit. Was my stupidity justified? |
t3_po0qa | AskReddit | I can never figure this out... Reddit, what are my obligations (as a decent person) to someone who is romantically/sexually interested in me? | First of all, yes, I am a female. Figured it matters here.
As far as I can tell, there's two types of problems here:
Person A:
* Interested in me
* Casual acquaintance to close friend
* Not interested in them
Person B:
* Mutual interest and awareness of said interest to some degree
* BUT not to the extent of being officially "dating" or "together" or possibly even not acting on the interest
All the other situations I can think of pretty much have predefined solutions already, but I haven't really ever heard much what I'm supposed to do about one or more Person A's, in terms of acknowledgement (if they haven't actually told me), continued friendship, not mentioning current romantic prospects around them, etc.
Another problem is the existence of two or more Person B's. Am I required to inform them about the existence of the other? And at what level of seriousness? If this issue hasn't been previously discusses, do I need to bring it up, if I'm not seriously involved with the person? Does any of this change depending on how close I am to that person, ignoring any romantic interest? | don't want to be a bitch to guys who like me, whether I like them back or not, am SAP, what do? |
t3_l9kz1 | AskReddit | What are smart things to do within the first hour when you (try to) wake up in the morning? I'll start. | I'm not a morning person. So, after reading ["What are smart things to do within the 30 minutes before you sleep at night? "] I started to think about how I wake up and wondering what other people do.
I'll go first: While I do hit the snooze sometimes. I usually get myself a big cup of caffeine (diet soda is my drink of choice). When I cook during the evenings, i try to make plenty so I have left overs for the next few mornings, so I throw some left overs (when none, I resort to frozen foods) in the microwave. I grab my laptop and reddit thru my first cup of caffeine. Then I get my now ready food and a drink refill. Usually by now, I've either got netflix streaming playing something, usually mindless, or else I've got something on my computer playing. After an hour or so of this, I'm awake enough to shower and head out the door. | Basically, I try to give myself plenty of time, easy to make food and lots of caffeine. Does anyone do anything much in particular that's much different to help them wake up or make waking up easier? |
t3_x1ohh | AskReddit | Family divided about flu vaccines and visiting an inbound new born baby. Can someone who knows their stuff on this topic help me out? | My brother and his wife have mandated that anyone planning to visit their soon to be born daughter (due in September) get vaccinated for flu and pertussis. Since we are all aware that pertussis is on the rise that is a no brainer, but on the topic of the flu vaccine there are a lot of family drama developing between namely my parents and older sister and my brother and his wife. My parent and sister do not believe the flu vaccine is effective and don't want to get the vaccine because they feel it is harmful to them which stems from the use of Thermisol in the vaccine (mercury based, mostly debunked from my research) and unreported impact in the form of fat tumors (my dad says this is a common occurrence in animal vaccinations, but because no one is "talking" about this occurrence in humans it is cause for concern. Supposedly my mom has some kind of fat tumor from where she got her last flu shot).
Basically, everyone is sticking to their philosophies and seeing which party will break first, if at all. In the end, if both parties stick to their guns, then my parents or anyone who is not vaccinated for flu will not be allowed to see their newborn daughter until she is able to get vaccinated her self at six months. There is a lot of tension and drama between everyone because of this. Me personally, I plan on getting vaccinated, but I wanted to do some research in to this instead of blindly siding one way or the other.
From the research I've done so far, pertussis is a must because it is on the rise nationwide with outbreaks effecting some 18,000 newborns this year so far. Flu is in debate. Some people believe that the vaccine only protects the person vaccinated but does not prevent them from being able to transmit it. If this is true then I believe my bro and his wife may be going over the top with their mandate since if their goal is to prevent flu from reaching their newborn they could do nothing short than quarantine her from the outside world in order to prevent inadvertent transmission. Is there any fact to this? | Family in tension about mandate for vaccinations. Trying to get beyond conspiracy theory mumbo jumbo and find out if a flu vaccine is absolutely necessary before seeing a newborn due to be born in September. |
t3_12p58m | AskReddit | Discussing porn with ex-boyfriend; probably not a good idea to begin with, it ended in a question that made him angry and led me to believe that he is crazy..... REDDIT what types of discussion have led you to believe your S/O, ex-lovers are crazy? | Not sure why I'm getting down votes for honest question. Maybe if people knew how to click links it would shed some more light on the tone of the conversation and lack of seriousness until I tell him which question was serious.
I was texting my on again, off again ex boyfriend (also on reddit) today about porn; sent him a picture of James Deen, and told him I'd marry him or have sex with him one day, started saying silly things I would do in an effort to make one of the two things happen.
(this is where things go wrong)
I ask him what porn star he would like to bone and he replied "maybe Lisa Ann. Tough Question."
My reply was one that he would only understand, and obviously a JOKE to him, and some of you will believe otherwise; "who the fuck is that bitch"
(I don't watch much porn, but I do know who James Deen is and am anxiously waiting for his AMA today)
It was all jokes, until I asked this question; "Here's something that I don't understand. If you're attracted to fake? Why fuck me? I don't get it. Is it because I make myself easily accessible? Do you not care? If that's what you're attracted to; why me?"
"serious question, not trying to fight."
His Reply: "HAHAHA! you're psycho! good day sir. you just saved me some money. thanks. bye."
WTF JUST HAPPENED?
It was an honest question
BACKSTORY: we're both 21, our relationship has been going on since February 2010, very long and dysfunctional, this is nothing in comparison to other arguments we've had. | talking about porn and asked question about why fuck me when what you like "porn star" is opposite of me. he gets mad, i think he's crazy. WTF WHY? |
t3_3b1nwa | tifu | TIFU by being in a skype call with my pubescent horny friends. | I was in a skype call talking with people I like to call my "friends", just talking about video games and such. One of us had the spontaneous idea of watching a show together. So the leader of the call volunteered to share screens so we could all watch a show together. All was going well until one of those fuckers spots the guy's nsfw bookmarks and asks "What's that?". So this fucker decides to click on the bookmark to show us all what he likes to beat off to. When suddenly my mother walks in to her son looking at a woman bending over with her titties all out and about. So now I have to convince her that it was not my doing. And one of my dumbfuck friends decided it was cool to show us his stash. FML | Was in a skype call with my horny friends when one of them decides to share his screen so we could all see what he likes to rub his rooster to. When my mother walks in to her son looking at naked women. |
t3_3ebr8g | dogs | [Help] Incessant Licking | Two years ago, my roommate and I came across a chihuahua roaming through a convenient store parking lot without a collar. After many failed attempts at locating an owner, I agreed to adopt her. Like many other rescue stories, she's been a life-changer for me and I'm very thankful for her.
She's very well-behaved, hardly ever barks, fairly low-energy, and just an overall sweet 4 year old pup. My only issue is that she incessantly licks anyone and everyone around her. When sitting next to me, she'll lick my hand. If she sleeps at the foot of my bed, she'll lick my legs. If you hold her, she'll try to lick your face. I was worried that this could be linked to anxiety or a deeper psychological issue, but my vet told me that it's simply down to her breed and that she's doing it to show affection. I wanted to get a second opinion on Reddit. My girlfriend does not like the licking at all but I definitely don't want to punish her for it and mistakenly teach her that all affection is bad, you know? | My chihuahua licks every person she can. Vet thinks it's down to her breed, I worry it's anxiety. How do I teach her to stop this without teaching her affection is bad? |
t3_1tfd95 | relationships | Me [33F] with my friend [39M] 5 months, Not sure to continue | So I've been talking to this guy for about 5 months now. He's been a rock for me and there to text when I need someone. I've been going through a lot lately.
We've had coffee once in this time and have tried meeting various other times. I am busy as a single mother who has her child with her about 75% of the time, so getting out for me can be hard. The times I have been able to get out and have told him so, we've somewhat made plans to meet, but when it comes down to it, he seems to bale.
A couple times he's had to work late, which I completely understand. This has happened twice. However, days like today and now, when he's spent the day with his kids and has dropped them off home already, he's as yet to text me. When we somewhat made plans to see each other tonight. This is the 3rd time this has happened after seeing his kids.
I have no idea what to think. When we text, he wants to see me and even says in his texts that he wants to see me and spend more time with me. I went through a rough couple of weeks and he sent a text basically saying he was a little annoyed we weren't talking so much. We text good morning, good night and have even sent naughty pics back and forth with some sexting too.
WTF? What gives?? He does all that and when we can actually have a night together, he bales. Why? Any thoughts would be appreciated. | Been talking for 5 months, he always seems to bale when we're to get together, should I continue trying? |
t3_1128zn | AskReddit | I found out today my father (a doctor) carried out the assisted suicide of a dying elderly relative of mine. How does Reddit feel about euthanasia? Illegal yet Ethical? | Around the dinner table tonight at a restaurant, in general post dinner conversation, my Dad, having had rather a few glasses of dessert wine filled us in on the circumstances surrounding the death of a close relative some months ago.
She was 85, and terminally ill. She had been removed from hospital to spend her last days at home.
She was rarely conscious and when she was, she was delirious and in excruciating pain from the fluid on her lungs.
Her daughter (my father's cousin) approached my father, a highly experienced and respected doctor about the possibility of 'putting her mother out of her pain'.
After some deliberation and careful planning to avoid suspicion, my father did as she wished and overdosed the dying relative on morphine (which she had already been prescribed for pain management). I didn't know this and was a bit taken aback by it.
He proceeded to tell us that this is common practice among doctors in the case of terminal and, in particular, elderly patients for whom the last few days of life will potentially be more painful than their worth. He also went on to admit that this wasn't the first time he'd 'given someone a little too much morphine on purpose'. This time at least, the immediate family had requested the procedure, despite it being illegal in my country of residence.
What is your country's law regarding euthanasia? Do you agree with it? | Learned that my father, a doctor, illegally euthanased a family member at the request of the immediate family. What is your standpoint on the issue of euthanasia? |
t3_1a4lj0 | BreakUps | Should we (22m 27f) work it out? | My (27f) now ex boyfriend (22m) has been physically abusive to me a few times but nothing that has actually hurt me. We've always worked things out though. Before the break up this past weekend we had been together for 7 months. He shoved me in front of my friends at a gathering which led to a break up. My friends don't like him anyway, he's just not good at social situations. He doesn't have many friends either. Despite all these short comings, our relationship was amazing. He was my best friend and I know he cares about me so much. He had agreed before the break up to take anger management. I just don't know how to move on when every fiber in my body is telling me to work things out with him. My heart hurts that he couldn't keep his anger and his social awkwardness in check... because we'd still be together if the hadn't happened.
The question is should I try and make things work?? I know how to deal with him when he's pissed. He didn't punch or hit me he didn't hurt me. Yes, he has a temper. I'm not an idiot. He has major flaws but so do I and if we're both willing to work on them together I don't see what the big deal is. Things can only get better when you're willing to work on them. Does that sound crazy? I thought I was ok with the decision I made but now I'm just second guessing myself... | my (27f) slightly abusive ex (22m) is always willing to work on things. Do I work this fight out? Or cut my loses? We've been together for 7 months. |
t3_3sdmgd | tifu | TIFU by running into a power hungry mod of /r/cfb, to where he banned me for a week | So my name is /u/wake_is_great and I am the **Biggest* Wake Forest fan you will meet! Wake is Great and we will make a bowl game. Anyways here is my fuck up!
So I have a history of post on /r/cfb called "Late Night Crew" during the off-season, and was told that they would have to discontinue. So maybe twice during the college football season I try to sneak them in but at least they were on topic to college football. But that has been a long time ago.
Tonight I start a post called ["ACC Comrade talk nightly"] which was totally on topic with awesome ACC insight. So on topic with the college football content that the sub requires. Anyways I have many posters that are enjoying the content within the thread.
So anyways 20 minutes later I see it is taken down. Five minutes later a /r/cfb mod messaged me and told me I was to be banned for a week. His reasoning was that "I had a history of shit posting".
Then ten minutes later I find out he is a mod of subreddit that belongs to my arch rival of /r/cfb. So now it looks like a corrupted conspiracy! **Anyways screenshots at the bottom!**
WAKE IS GREAT!
**[Screenshot of the messages with no names involved]( | Ran into a power hungry mod today at my favorite sub reddit, and posted on word that he did not like, and now I am banned for a week :( |
t3_3a00gm | relationships | Me [31 M] with my girlfriend [28 F] 6 months of dating, can't stop being jealous / paranoid | Girlfriend invites over random guys/ex's/old flings to her apartment alone.
Some who of course have intentions to "have some fun" if they get the chance and actively hit on her.
She's assured me that she would never do that.
I've snooped and seen she has rejected a few and other times she just ignores the comment.
Either way I've had a history of people cheating on me and feel like I can barely trust anyone and I told her this, that I don't like it that she invites guys over who know were in a relationship yet still flirt and hit on her.
I'm not sure what to do.
I feel like maybe I can trust her but the past has shown me that it's a foolish idea to think nothing might be going on.
Example, tonight she invited this guy Chris to her house to help her organize things, help out around the house etc.
It's now 11pm and he's still over there.
I asked her if we could go to dinner tonight around 7 and no response then basically said she better stay home tonight because it's late already.
Am I wasting my time?
I've spoke with her twice about this already and let her know it kills me inside and fills me with anxiety yet it doesn't seem to stop her actions one bit.
I don't want to restrict her but I really am getting torn up about this.
Enough to write about it and ask for help.
I really love this girl and wish I didn't have to break it off for this kind of stupid reason but I don't think I can get past these feelings that something may happen and she'll just cover it up and never tell me.
What the hell are my options? Any advice is appreciated. | I'm paranoid my girlfriend will cheat on me because she invites random dudes over and they spend a lot of time alone together at her house. |
t3_315lyj | relationships | I (21/m) have a massive crush on a girl (20/f) that I can't talk to for at least another month and can't date for at least 4 months. Help me, please. | Background story. I moved into my current apartment for school. Everything was going well until I met my Resident Advisor (RA). She was amazing and I immediately had a crush on her.
Since she is my RA it is not allowed by school policy for us to date but I had to talk to her and we got to talking and eventually we came to the point where we admitted we liked each other but had to stop talking so she didn't get in trouble. Well here I am a month later and I still lose sleep over this girl.
We've continued to talk in secret a couple times a week just to stay in contact but just casual "hey, what's up?" Kinda stuff. I plan fully plan to talk to her the minute my lease is up (probably a few days early) but that's where the issue comes in. For the summer we live ~12 hrs apart.
So I wouldn't think she would want to start dating when we can't physically see each other so that pushes it back to next August when the fall semester begins.
Is this too much to invest in a possible gf? Am I insane for going after my RA? I'm not sure what to do and I apologize if this didn't male sense It's quite late. | basically venting to you Internet strangers about how I'm considering going after a girl I know I can't have for at least 4 months. Am I insane? |
t3_320k6c | relationships | Me [22 M] with my ex [22 F] for 6 months, broke up with me, what do I do now? | My now ex [F 22] broke up with me with the reasons that I don't give her enough attention and I don't make enough time for her.
At first I tried to move on, but each day made me more sad that she was gone. My friend [F 21] told me to just try and give her a call. So I did, and we decided to meet up the next day to talk about our break some more and maybe get back together.
The next day comes, I give her a call and she says she doesn't want to see me, that it was a mistake.
Should I try and continue to try an get back with her or, just move on. Or is there anything else I could do? | She broke up with me, first she was down to maybe getting back together and now she doesn't. Do I move on? |
t3_uz92m | dating_advice | Second date after successful(?) first blind date. Don't have much dating experience. General advice? | Hey fellow redditors.
I (M/24) was recently set up on a blind date (F/24). I feel like it went well. We grabbed a coffee and went on a walk around town. No awkward moments, a lot of common interests etc..
We're going miniputting on Thursday (weee), and I was wondering if I could get some general do's and dont's.
I don't have much dating experience, and I'm a little self conscious about this, which is why I'd appreciate any advice. I feel I can carry a conversation well enough, and I won't let things get awkward, but anything you can suggest beyond that would be awesome ;D.
Hrm.. a weakness of mine: initiating physical contact. Holding hands, kissing etc.. If things go well, should I be looking to start this on Thursday? I know this is more of a 'you do it when the timings right' thing, but it's a question that's been popping into my head..
I'll be glad to answer any questions that you may have.
thanks :) | I'm a (male) dating n00b. Got me a second date. Would appreciate some general dating advice. |
t3_ht0yt | running | Orthotics advice | I've been running for the past 14 years since middle school. When I first started, I was fitted for orthotics since I always suffered shin splints and had weird shaped legs/knees causing my feet to flare out. I ran consistently through high school on the same orthotics but only ran intermittently for the past 7 years. The past year I got back into running pretty regularly to train for the NYC marathon, all on the same orthotics. I did have the orthotics refurbished with new padding on two prior occasions. Currently, I have been suffering from pain in my right hip and pain in my left knee, even though I recently replaced my running shoes. So my question is, how long do orthotics last and do they need to be changed over the years due to changes in the shape of your feet? | I've been running on the same orthotics for the past 14 years. Do they need to be changed/do they wear out over time causing running injuries? |
t3_218smc | relationships | Me [19m] with my ex[18f] together 9 months, broke up 6 months. confused with what to do | My ex was my first love, first kiss, and pretty much first everything, and I was hers. We broke up because she wanted to be single in college and "go crazy" her words not mine. The breakup was a bad one and we stopped talking until we felt ready and tried to be friends again.
We hooked up a lot and we were practically dating until we realized it was just going to hurt us if we continued since I wanted her back and she wanted to be single. We are now just friends and everything has been going pretty good except for a few hiccups. She is very honest and I love that about her.
About a week after we ended the hookups she began something with a new guy [m20?]. I say something because I'm not quite sure what they are doing .She wants to be single, he wants a relationship. And though I tell her I don't want to know details and that I want to stick to the clear boundaries we set, she keeps telling me stuff by accident or letting things slip accidentally. And I cannot fault her for accidents.
I am trying my best to support her and help her but it hurts since she moved on from what we had very quickly and I still have feelings for her. But i don't want to judge her because she is my best friend. And a new thing that keeps happening is her new guy's friends snapchat me from her phone pictures and videos of my ex and him cuddling drunk and generally being lovey-dovey. they know about me and since me and the new guy share the same name they all refer to me as "the Old X" while he is "New X".
Another problem we have is that we are so compatible. In every way we are pretty much perfect together. She keeps saying how sexually compatible we are and how she wants to do stuff with me but knows it is a bad idea. If I am honest I would jump at the chance to do anything with her, but only because I still have feelings for her. We have also been talking and saying that we are so compatible that if we had met later in life we would have lasted much longer, maybe forever. | ex has a new guy thing, oversteps the boundaries accidentally and still tells me she wants to do stuff with me but she knows she shouldn't. |
t3_4lx8xg | tifu | TIFU by helping a depressed friend | As most tifus these days this did not happen today although I am still feeling the wrath left from the tifu. Last week my friend (lets call him Tim) was feeling depressed because he felt that his friends were all abandoning him. The good friend I am, I offer him a cig and console him. He is crying, yelling and over all being upset. after about a half hour of me telling him that he should find new friends that wont back-stab him (remember this) our buddy (we will call him Jon) comes over and asks Tim whats wrong. Tim explains how upset he is and decides he is going to go key (we will call this guy Bob) Bobs car. Jon says he is gonna go as well and they offer for me to come. I say no because Pulp Fiction taught me better than that. Before they leave they ask to bum another cig or two and I say sure because they are both buddies of mine and well... Bob isn't. So next day rolls around and I am told that from now till the end of the school year (I am a senior in highschool) and I am going to meet Tim by where we usually hang out. I text him to see where he is and apparently it is senior cut day. So I walk to the local deli and see that the car is keyed to all shit. So I think to myself,"Good for him". Well good for him bad for me... As I am heading back to my little hang out spot one of Bobs friends comes over to have a cig and I bum him one. He asks me if I knew anything about it and I said maybe. WHY OH WHY DID I SAY MAYBE!? Turns out Bob and all of his friends have made a plan to find out who it was and now I was suspect #1. That was Wednesday and Thursday of last week and now I am being harassed by the school, Bob and Bobs friends (around 10 people) and they are all saying that either I pay for the insurance deductible or I am going to be charged with the vandalism of Bobs car. | I helped a friend gain enough confidence to key someones car and now that someone blames me without even knowing about him. |
t3_scx7t | dating_advice | New to online dating sites, have a few good matches I would like to pursue, unsure how to approach it | Relevant info: 23 year old Male, in college
So I recently created an OKCupid account and went through all the questions and such. The site has generated some matches that I really think are interesting, and I would like to see where they end up. I am entirely new to this though, and am unsure how to proceed.
I have always been a bit introverted, and have only had a few girlfriends. I've also been single now for about 3 years. My past relationships have always sort of just happened, starting from friendship or after being introduced through a mutual friend. As such I have very little actual dating experience, there's always been some pre-established common ground/familiarity to build from.
Obviously, everything starts with an email message, but I'm not sure how to get started with that. Is it typical to just introduce yourself and say you're interested? Does anyone have any first-hand experience they would be willing to share?
To add to that, assuming things go well and she's receptive, I generally expect the first encounter to be very informal. Beyond that however I'm not sure what to expect. There's lots of advice out there about what makes good small talk, but is it really that simple?
I'm not a fan of pushing certain things to happen, and prefer to let relationships be what they will. But I also suspect it isn't good to go into these things without at least some goal in mind. Any advice on a good mindset to approach things with? What can I expect for the first date, and how do I know things are going well? | I'm a dating amateur who is looking to get started with the online dating scene. Looking for any advice you might have. |
t3_4m9mqn | relationships | I [16 M] am in love with my friend [16 F] and I think she feels the same way, how do I proceed? | Before I start I would like to apologize for any grammatical errors, English is not my first language.
Right, let's get to the point. I'm a 16 year old male, and as the title says I'm in love with my friend and I think she feels the same way. At this point many of you may think "Well, why don't you just ask her out or something? Since you both obviously like eachother."
Well it's a bit more difficult than that. You see, we live about 8 hours apart (in the same country), and we've never actually met. (to clarify we have spoken to eachother using video chat before) Again, many of you may see this as a stupid thing that'll pass in a month or so. I thought the same way, however as time went on I've realised that this feeling wasn't going to go away any time soon. I'm not exaggerating when I'm saying we click extremely well together, we share the same humor, we enjoy the same hobbies and I've never felt as comfortable around a person as I've felt around her. I'm always there to comfort her and she is always there to comfort me.
Naturally, I have been in love before, but this is completely different. I have never ever felt something like this before, and I know this might sound dumb and/or naïve but I really want to take this next-level somehow. As far as I know, this is the only place I could go to ask. If this is not the right place to ask please let me know, and if you've made it this far, thank you. | I am in love with my friend who lives 8 hours away and I think she feels the same way, how do I proceed? |
t3_1t3bzk | relationships | I (22F) have been seeing this guy (21M) For a few months now, Not sure if I'm over thinking everything.. | I've been dating this guy since the end of the summer, everything's been really great, we always have a good time, don't really fight, things are always good.
Recently he's been acting really distant, and just doesn't seem himself, his actions and words don't seem to line up, and i just don't know if I'm over analyzing it.
I've invited him casually to family get-togethers, but he's been busy, so he's unable to attend, therefore has only met my Dad and one sister. Well he brought up the fact that "any other girl he's been with for more than 3 months he's gotten close to her parents" and then said "But I don't want to intrude".
I've invited him to these things, so not sure how to take that.
He mentioned that me spending his birthday with him was a big step for both of us,and he liked that. But since then has been really distant. Normally he's really cuddly at night, but he's just been rolling away from me and seems tense when I try to get close.
I know I'm over thinking a little, but I know I either need to back off a little, or find a better way to show that I do care. but I just don't want to smother.
I know this was a really long ramble but I don't really know what to do anymore.
I really really care about this guy, and I don't want to screw anything up like I tend to do in the past. | Dating a guy for a while now, things are great, but he's been really distant lately, not sure if i need to back off, or try to get closer. |
t3_16sair | relationships | Let's try this again: I [31] f played matchmaker for two of my friends [30]m and [27]f a while back, now they're breaking up, how do I handle this elegantly? | Male friend is 30, female friend is 27. I normally never do this, but they met at a party I was hosting and both were going on about how much they liked each other, so I "helped" a little.
The relationship lasted for 4 or 5 months, I think.
Fortunately there's no joint property involved, so it's a relatively clean break.
Short background: Male friend and I have been friends since college, female friend and I go even further back. These are both solid, 10+ years friendships.
Today female friend called me, saying she's just not feeling it, things aren't working out and it's basically over.
I'm not sure if male friend fully realizes this is a permanent break-up, but it sure sounds like it on her end.
They're still listed as "in a relationship" on Facebook.
It seems to be they're dealing with it like adults, but I'll possibly be getting a lot of phone calls from both of them as this plays out.
I feel somewhat responsible, as I always thought they were an unlikely couple, never expected it to last, but was swayed to play matchmaker anyway. In any case, I do not want to be part of either of them bad-mouthing the other, or gossip etc. I want to keep both as friends, as they've both been in my life for a long time. I also do not want to be taking sides.
Also, I do not want to be awkward about inviting both to things like birthdays, parties etc.
So, any tips on what I should or shouldn't do? | Played matchmaker for two good friends, relationship didn't last. Don't want to damage either friendship and don't want to take sides. Any tips on handling this? |
t3_31yrog | relationships | I [30 F] think my in laws are talking bad about me, not sure what to do | My husband and I were having an argument a few days ago about some issue that we've now resolved, but he said something like "I'm always defending you to my family!" like it proved how much he cared or whatever. What I took from that was: his family talks shit about me enough that he has to defend me on a regular basis. To my face, his family has always been nice to me, so it never occurred to me they may feel otherwise. When I mentioned it and pressed him on it, he tried to down play it and basically backpedal, but I just can't get past it. I've never criticized his family. That just seems like such a shitty thing to do!
I'm sure the whole things stems from him talking to his family about our marital issues. Not that we have huge marriage problems, but he goes to them with everything. Which, on the one hand, it's great that he's so close to them. But on the other, I have to maintain a relationship with these people and when he tells them every problem we're having, it poisons the well. They hear one side of the story and it makes me look like crap. I don't go to my family with marriage issues. For one thing, it's not really their business. For another, I want them to like my husband! I don't want them to remember the time he did this immature thing or said this cruel thing.
So I guess I have a couple of questions: What should I do now that I know they talk about me? I don't feel comfortable around them. I still want my kids and my husband to have a good relationship with them (and I don't want them to see me as "the bitch who never comes over"). Second, can I ask my husband not to discuss our marriage with them? | My husband talks about our marriage issue with his family and I've just learned they talk bad about me behind my back. Not sure what to do. |
t3_3wk91q | relationships | I'm [21 M] wondering how to NOT habituate to my girlfriend's [20 F] appearance | I think in previous relationships I've had, I would habituate to my partner's appearance.
Ex, lets say I got together with jane way back. Initially I was very attracted to her, and over time (1+ years) I would still be very attracted to her, but it felt different. Like some kind of novelty/appreciate seemed to have gone away, which lead me to sorta feel like I was less attracted... It's confusing to me and I can't completely remember, which makes it harder to explain.
Not sure if this is related at all, but I used to/maybe-even-still have difficult appreciating presents. Like I would appreciate the gift, for like a day, but then next day I was used to the gift / novelty faded / gratitude faded.
Does anyone have any advice on how to not habituate to appearance? | In previous relationships I might have gotten used to my girlfriend's appearances, which would cause me to be like less attracted to them. Advice? |
t3_soqsi | AskReddit | What petty/trivial childhood things are still being held against you today? | I was talking to my sister on the phone last night, and we got into an argument about her hypocrisy in how she deals with her children, versus the things SHE did when she was a kid. Basically, she was looking for "you're right" and instead I answered with an opinion based in facts.
She eventually closed the argument down with "...that's how you've always been, just like that peanut butter time!" and hung up the phone.
It took a moment to figure out what she was talking about, then I realized she must have meant when I was about 10 years old, she'd have been 11. I hate peanut butter, hated it as a kid, hate it as an adult. On this particular occasion, she had just opened a brand new jar of peanut butter and was sticking it in my face, saying "oooh, look how smooth it is, and you don't even get any".
So I jammed my finger into the smooth surface, robbing her of the pleasure of taking the first swipe at the pristine jar.
My sister screamed like I'd just murdered her. She ran into the other room where my mother was sitting, tears streaming down her cheeks, stuck the jar of peanut butter in my moms face screaming "he messed up the peanut butter!!".
Mom was no more interested in having a jar of peanut butter jammed in her face than I was, but rather than sticking a finger in it (which in retrospect, would have been AWESOME), she yelled at my sister to stop being a baby and go make her damn sandwich.
This was 35 years ago. I was reminded last night by my older adult sister, with four children of her own, that I am a horrible person because of the time I stuck my finger in a jar of peanut butter.
Anyone else have some trivial incident from childhood that people still hold over your head today? | 35 years ago I stuck my finger in a brand new jar of peanut butter rather than let my sister have the first swipe at it. She still resents it. |
t3_10nogu | relationships | Testing the waters – moving out of the friendzone M[22] F[21] | So dig this reddit, there's this girl I dig who goes to my college. We've been friends for about a year and half thereabouts, and I got a full on crush on her. The only thing is, I really can't tell is she's crushin' on me. Here's the deets:
We hang out pretty frequently, although I am the one who usually initiates the conversation / plans to meet up. she always says yes if she's got no plans. I see her about 2 or 3 times out of the week, and sometimes to hang out at length on weekends. We both laugh, and talk and tell stories and it's great. This has been going on for about a month and half
And here is some backstory: I somewhat recently got out of a relationship a few months ago, that wasn't really happening and that I wasn't really satisfied with. I have known this 'new' girl as long as I had had my previous girlfriend. So there is that "platonic friendship" establishment.
And here's the touchy part: I've never asked her on a real date for a few reasons: 1. If I get turned down, I'm VERY afraid of mucking a perfectly good friendship up. 2. It would hurt even more if she was more interested in another dude (although to my knowledge I think she spends most of her free time with me out of her other friends). 3. She sees something that I don't (in other words, that she doesn't think the relationship would work, and also doesn't want to muck up a perfectly good friendship).
So I wonder if I should stop initiating things and wait for her to contact me. But if she doesn't would that mean it isn't meant to be? I don't want it to be that way! Damn. I don't wanna force nothing either!
It's pretty complicated for me. Right now she's probly having a grand ol time watching game of thrones or whoever, while I'm here kickin rocks down the street. Any experience in this field would be greatly appreciated.
PEACE | Frequency of friendly hangouts has increased. Pull the trigger and ask the girl out on a date, and risk the awkwardness? Drivin me crazy bro |
t3_28pz58 | relationships | Me [22 M] dating (?) [22 F], not sure if she's interested. | Hey guys, I've not had a lot of experience with relationships, and have only recently had the confidence/realisation that I need to be direct and ask girls out if I'm interested in them. Anyway, I asked out a girl last week, and we went on a date recently. It seemed to go OK, although we didn't kiss or anything.
The problem is, any time I've messaged her on Facebook, she always takes ages to see the message + respond, or sometimes doesn't see the message at all. I messaged her after the date we went on, and she still hasn't "seen" the message even if she's done other stuff on Facebook since then. Any time she has replied to my messages though, she always sounds quite positive, and obviously she said yes to the date in the first place (and I did use the words "go on a date" when i asked her out so she knows what it was).
So my question is, do you guys think she's trying to send me a hint that she doesn't want this to go further? Maybe she only said yes out of politeness, as wouldn't she be more interested in the conversation/replying if she was genuinely interested? Or is she just trying to "play it cool" and not be too eager to respond, in which case should I try and ask her out again?
Thanks in advance you guys! | Went on a date with a girl, but not sure if she's interested as doesn't seem particularly bothered about replying to my messages. |
t3_1cv1sp | Pets | My cat is *very* excited about all the nice weather and the birds, squirrels, etc. hanging around my apartment. How can I get her to stop meowing/crying at the window?! | It's getting a bit ridiculous how loud she is! I can't even open the windows anymore because she just cries and the neighbors are probably getting annoyed, haha.
Some background: I rescued her (Peaches) from the street - her owners were getting evicted and they left her behind. I took her in last summer and she was an indoor cat until around three months later when I got a new roommate.. this roommate let her outside about four times a week. That roommate moved out mid winter and I had no problem keeping Peaches inside because it was so cold that she didn't want to anyway.
Now that it's Springtime and she can hear and see all these birds, she will meow at the door and try to get out every time I leave. There is also a cat who hangs around outside and kind of pisses her off (it's actually pretty cute). I would LOVE to be able to let her outside, but I live in a very high traffic area (there's a highway exit/on ramp right near my house) and last fall I had to deal with fleas that took forever to get rid of.
What can I do to calm her down?! | cat won't shut up about the wildlife outside. She wants to go out, but she's not allowed! What do I do?! |
t3_2sjz6g | relationships | Me [21M] with my girlfriend [19F] of 5 months, She verbally degrades herself and says I don't love her a lot, feeling emotionally drained. | Hi, like the title says I've been with my girlfriend for about 5 months. When we were first dating, she wouldn't say things like "I'm not pretty" or "you hate me" or "you don't even love me" really at all, but now that she has been home for winter break she says them every time we are together, multiple times a day. She says it jokingly, but in like a fake pout sort of tone (when she says the things about me).
When she says things like "I'm not pretty" I have obviously in the past attempted to do my best to make her think otherwise, but this past month she still says it all the time. When she changes clothes she gets mad at me when I look at her, and despite my best efforts she still degrades herself by saying things like that all the time.
At this point, I just don't really know what to do. The past few months I was doing my best for her and trying to be the best I could, but this past month has just been slowly draining me to the point where, with her continued saying I don't love her, I don't even know if I do anymore she has said it so much.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? I really want to make it work but I don't know if I can deal with it anymore, in the past I have asked her to stop saying these things about her and myself and she hasn't. Should I end it for my own sake? I hate hurting people and I don't want to have to do it. | girlfriend verbally degrades herself and says I don't love her all the time, I don't know if I can deal with it anymore. |
t3_3oepxv | relationships | Me [17M] has a date tomorrow, and confirmed the time and location in person last Thursday. I forgot to get a number, and worry she forgot. | **I am going to see her tomorrow however so it is not like I have no means to contact her at all.**
I was thinking of not going up to her and reminding her. This is because I think it's a bit needy of me to show that. Also, if she remembers all the way from Thursday that she had plans with me tomorrow it pretty much guarantees that she's into me. It's also a bit risky, because what if she doesn't?
Or should I just go up to her and ask if she remembered, in a very non-chalant way? To me it seems clingy, but it guarentees the date.
I just want an opinion on what you would do if you were in my little situation.
And if you look at my post history, I'll have you know this one is my age :3 | Should I go up to her and remind her, confirming the date? Will that seem clingy if I do? Or should I see if she remembered, which would tell me if she's interested at all, and risk it. |
t3_1lx1o1 | relationships | I [21F] can't imagine myself ever being emotionally or physically intimate with anyone. What's wrong with me? | Almost a year ago my boyfriend [M20] of two years and I [F20] broke up mutually because we were growing apart. It wrecked me for a good amount of time because first loves always do, and I took periods of time to myself without boys to become happy and self-sustaining.
In the aftermath of the break-up (when I was still kind of a mess), a friend [M18] became my FWB. I was dating other people (one of whom might be categorized as emotionally abusive) as well, but eventually it became clear that the FWB had feelings for me. Turns out I like him too.
But we (now [F21] and [M19]) decided not to date for a variety of logical reasons, mostly related to timing and the age difference. Recently I started getting some attention from an acquaintance [M21] who has a lot of qualities I would like in a guy, but I just don't want him either. In fact any male attention at all pretty much makes me want to run as fast and as far away as possible.
I suppose I'm concerned because when I think about the future, I can't imagine myself with anyone. I can't ever see myself being emotionally or sexually intimate with anyone. In fact, it completely puzzles me how I even became intimate with my previous boyfriend. I don't know if this has to do with the fact that I was with one person for so long (and we wanted to get married... sigh) or that the person I dated after was pretty terrible to me and made me feel sexually inadequate, but I can't really bring myself to really give a shit about future prospects.
I really like the FWB. I even want him to be my boyfriend. I just don't want to do anything that would actually qualify him as such (sex, emotional stuff). What's wrong with me? | I like someone who likes me back but I can't and won't progress the relationship further. What's wrong with me? |
t3_23n0a1 | relationships | Ladies, am I [F, 24] wrong to be unimpressed by a man [25] buying a luxury car [that he can't afford]? | A coworker of mine (who's been trying to ask me out for months) recently bought a brand new luxury car, and I think he was expecting me to be really impressed by it, but I couldn't help but find it kinda pathetic/annoying. I know that sounds harsh, but it's mostly due to the fact that I know he can't afford it. He's got student loans and credit card debt, and he isn't even salaried - what's he doing buying a car like that?
It just felt like a really transparent effort to look cool or show off wealth he doesn't even have. I mentioned that he's been trying to date me - the only reason I turned him down was because I'm uneasy about dating a coworker. Just when I felt like I could give him a chance, his lack of good judgment with his new car really turned me off.
Am I wrong for thinking like this? Would any of you ladies feel the same way? Thoughts? | A coworker who likes me bought a luxury car he can't afford, and it totally turned me off. Am I wrong to feel this way? |
t3_4ep2xa | relationship_advice | [21 F] My boyfriend [24 M] goes on chatting sites online and it makes me weirdly uncomfortable. | We have been dating for 3 years and I just recently found out he goes on IMVU on accident. He never mentioned it and so I clicked on it and he basically has a profile aimed towards finding people with same fetish. I tried to think rationally about it and thought it was nothing then brought it up to him. He told me there was nothing to worry about and he changed his status to in a relationship. He has nothing really to break my trust but I don't know why I feel so uncomfortable with it. I'm not a jealous person either. I'd feel like a horrible person to not go on because I have no real reason to ask that. I'm just like stuck and maybe reassurance would be ok. | Confronted boyfriend about IMVU page and he assured nothing was wrong but I still feel umcomfortable with it. |
t3_2xnj4t | relationships | I (m/17) have recently developed a mad crush on my best friend of 4 years (f/17) - What to do...? | Yes Yes, I know this is a very common thing but I would just like to gain some kind of outside opinion on it. Ive been best friends with this girl for almost 4 years and this year im in my final year at school and am having 'romantic' feelings for her which are lovely and all but very problematic for me.
I really dont want to ruin this friendship because i care for her so much, she is my best friend and I really just dont know what to do...
Any advice or tips, or just general past experiences? | Im (m/17) in my last year of school and have a huge crush on my long term best friend (f/17) and dont know what to do |
t3_27aklc | Dogtraining | How do you go about controlling situations when they bark? | Hi r/dogtraining!
My Ginja is a 9 month old Dogue de Bordeaux, now a big 40kg (88lb) puppy with a slightly scary face from afar.. So even though she is a sweet heart, her barking is now a little bit intimidating and it has happen in a few different situations which I felt unprepared for.
We go to our classes and are doing great when she is on "training mode" however when just hanging out, I find that something might trigger a barking vibe and it's hard to get her head out of it.
Specificaly I'm thinking of a situation in a hotel lobby when I was paying for something and a person walked toward us from a dark corner, she clearly got startled and started barking but now the man was too scared to approach and calm her down, I calmly removed her from the situation which didn't feel right cause this way she isn't learning self control. Another time was after a walk, we were hanging out in the seats of a big dog park and she saw some of her dog friends playing far far away. Again she went into barking mode and people around us also looked uncomfortable... I waited for her to stop to go great the doggies, but all in the meantime there was a solid 5 minutes of pacing away from the excitement to calm down.
I feel like just waiting for these situations and act correctly when faced with them isn't enough. Do you have some specific training exercises you do ease them into "stop barking". | Unexpected trigers send her off into barking mode. How to practice for them? Specially uncomfortable because although sweet, she looks meanicing from far away. |
t3_3ft2o7 | relationships | I (18/M) am confused as to how to deal with this situation with my ex (18/F) | Hi reddit, I realise that I'm A LOT younger than most people here but I'd get no reply on /r/teenrelationships.
I think I'm the problem but anyway, we broke up in October and I feel like I did a good job of getting over her. We were friends afterwards and would catch up with each other.
It was March or something, she randomly deleted me from facebook. First couple of months I was fine, assuming she might have emotionally relapsed. Me and my friends ran into her once much later, she ignored all of us and even told some my friends to go away when they approached her, and they're all good friends. So, I asked one of them to ask her if she hated me and why (subtly of course), they said she doesn't hate me and just finds it awkward. And this confused me because surely, she's made it more awkward by ruining that peaceful relationship I had with her.
The reason this has only started to bother me recently is because I honestly am really happy with my life right now, it's so calm and this bugs me so much because I feel like it can be fixed but I don't know how. One of my best friends is seeing her soon and I thought about asking her to get her to talk to me or something I don't know I don't know, help me out, I'm sorry for the wall of text (THANK YOU SO MUCH IF YOU READ IT ALL) but this shouldn't really be bugging me but yet it does. I had a lot of happy memories with her obviously which I was forced to throw away to move on, and learnt a lot from that relationship that has made me the person i am today but this just confuses me. You can give me a reality check or whatever I don't mind, as long as it helps solve this problem. Please help, I don't wanna emotionally relapse, it isn't nice. | ex and me were good friends, she quietly ended even that, i feel like i can fix it or at least find out why but don't know how. HELP MEEEE |
t3_2hofpw | relationships | Myself (25M) with my girlfriend (22F) of 4 months, I didn't respond to her saying "I love you" and conversation has gotten strange... Advice? | This is my first relationship (yeah, I know, a bit old for a first relationship) and I really don't know how to deal with this. A couple weeks ago my girlfriend said she loved me for the first time. I wasn't ready to respond by saying I loved her in return. Immediately after that she apologized for saying it and said she wouldn't do it again. Now, ever since, she keeps ending comments about us being together with, "but you don't really like me anyway" or "if we're still together" and telling her friends how I don't really like her. She has been making it sound like I'm just there for the sex (which she constantly teases me with, but only provides about once every 2 weeks, but that's a different issue) and I'm not. It's starting to make me feel guilty and like I'm a horrible boyfriend. Was I wrong for not replying with an I love you? I've asked her to stop saying it but she still does it, a lot. Any advice on how to deal with her? Tell her I love her just to make her happy? Just wait it out? Time to break up? I don't know... | Girlfriend questioning seriousness of relationship after I didn't say love back to her after she said she loved me. Advice? |
t3_12bmn4 | AskReddit | What's a story that your friend tells you that makes you laugh every single time? | My story is that my friend was at the beach with her family one time. There were these massive sand dunes and her and her brother were standing at the top of one.
Their dad yelled out for them to run down the sand dune, so her brother did. She decided she could do it too so she started running down.
One of her feet just "turned into mud" and she fell onto her face and began sliding down the dune on her face. She flew for a little bit before she hit the sand. She slid all the way to the bottom of the sand dune on her face and her dad laughed so hard. And I do too every single time she tells me or it we bring it up. | Friend started running down a sand dune and tripped, falling onto her face and sliding the rest of the way down |
t3_curlc | AskReddit | Dear Reddit, I have to write a resignation letter and I'd like it to be funny, enigmatic, and/or prophetic while at the same time hiding my contempt for the business and it's "management". Please help. | I've worked for exactly one year at a start-up as the guy planning out (and implementing) their enterprise architecture and cloud/virtualization strategy.
The hours have been long, pay low, and respect for my work and technical people in general non-existent. That being said, I like several members of the development team personally, and there are a lot of other people that work here that I don't have anything against at all. However I loathe upper management and how they handle things and especially how they treat the developers and anyone else who's not involved in sales. I can explain more of this if anyone is interested.
My last day will be Friday, most of the people I interact with on a daily basis already know I am leaving, however I need to make it official. I have already signed a deal starting with a major force in the IT world (very major) making more than double what I am here.
I have thought of:
1. Writing the minimum possible, e.g. Hello all, I'm out, good luck and good night.
2. Adding a couple of quotes or one-liners that are funny and/or interesting.
3. A link to REO Speedwagon Time For Me To Fly
4. Something that actually reflects my true feelings, e.g. Well, it was interesting and I managed to increase my salary more than 100% with the experience gained here, however I wouldn't hang around in a fundamentally fucked up and depressing environment for any amount of stock options, etc.
This mail would go to [email protected].
Please help me Reddit!! I'll keep this thread updated with the actual mail I send and all responses (plus descriptions of who the players are if wanted). Thanks. | I need to write a resignation email after having worked for a year in a startup with a stereotypical IT vs The Business environment. |
t3_29vww7 | relationship_advice | My boyfriend [19m] used incredibly sensitive information I trusted him with, against me [20/m] | He doesn't believe that I was taken to this party as part of group in which I had no say of controlling. While there he began going off on how he thought that I was lying when I told him I no longer had motivation to go out since we aren't physically together.
He then did something that completely stunned me, aka, he used the real reason as to why I left college against me. Now to be fair, he probably doesn't know that it's the most sensitive piece of information about me, however, he knew damn well that it's high up there and nothing to make light of. He brought it up during an argument and now I feel like I cannot forgive. For him to use the most sensitive piece of information against me is inhumane because it's the source of a lot of my depression and anxiety. Not even my own parents know the extent of how hurtful/sensitive it is. The fact that he's done it, to me is worse than being cheated on. | My boyfriend used incredibly sensitive information I trusted him with, against me, now I have extreme vengeance and anger towards him. Feel like I can't ever forgive him. Help. |
t3_1dd63h | loseit | Hi loseit! First time poster looking for some answers/advice. | I'm fed up! I'm ready to lose the weight, and that's a pretty good start. But now what? I'm 25 years old, and don't want to reflect on this time of my life only to realize I was never happy with myself. So here's the deal: I'm A 6'1" female and I weigh 180 pounds. I used to weigh a lot less. When I was 18 I had a botched knee replacement surgery that incapacitated me for 3 months. I never fully recovered and my metabolism tanked to near snail-paced. That being said, I'm quite limited in the exercises I can do. I just ordered an elliptical trainer and I think that would be a great start. I don't just want to work out though, I want to tone, strengthen and be all around healthy. I just recently cut out gluten and dairy, but I don't know how to diet properly. That's where you guys come in. My weight loss goal is 30 pounds, I'm not sure if that's relevant, but there it is. 30 pounds. | botched knee surgery destroyed my metabolism and my life. Want advice on how to live a healthier lifestyle without overworking my bum leg. Nutritional guidelines would also be sincerely appreciated. |
t3_3expem | relationships | Me [31F] dating [50M] - does his busy job/fatherhood/travel excuse him from lack of communication? | You ever have that one icon in your field that you've admired your whole life? This guy is that for me. Through a crazy chain of events, I ended up meeting this guy who is 20 years older, divorced, three kids, and we go out for drinks. Amazing night, leads to sex. He texts the morning after and there's back and forth; both of us are busy so takes another 3 weeks to hang out a 2nd time. Another amazing night, more sex. Connecting on levels far beyond our field.
Fast forward to a week later - haven't heard from him. I text, just asking how he's doing. Our banter strikes up again. He's out of the country for a few days but back early in the week (like today). The convo trails off and he doesn't make any advances for another date. I let it go.
So what's my move, if any? I just keep reading that if a guy is into you, he makes plans. This one is a busy father who also happened to be out of the country for work.
I'm very unfamiliar with what men are like in their 50's - if they're different at all. What I'm gathering is that he may be the kind to only really reach out when he has time to make plans. Anyone have experience with this? Or should I write it off and move on, as he hasn't made any overtures for future hangouts? | Lusting after a man 20 years older than me who is super busy/successful/a father - he hasn't reached out much after 2nd time we had sex. Do I write it off? Keep busy but stay positive? |
t3_51ltpv | AskDocs | 21 year old athletic male diagnosed with Low Testosterone, scared and confused. | Title says it for the most part. I'm a Uni student with a fairly athletic build, but about a year ago I was showing a lot of warning signs of Low-T (apathy, depression, low sex-drive). I chalked this mostly up to stress but was encouraged by my girlfriend to go get blood work done, and it came back REALLY bad. My testosterone levels were 198 ng/dL the first time, 249 ng/dL the second time, with "regular" levels being between 300-1080 (I use regular loosely here because this spans all adult males, so young adults are typically on the high end of this scale.) At the time I probably wasn't as worried about it as I should have been, so I made some lifestyle changes but beyond that didn't go see a specialist or anything.
I haven't found a lot of solace in online research because I don't fit a lot of the typical Low-T groups (older men, overweight men), and I'm scared of both what the cause could be and how drastic the solution might have to be. Every testosterone prescription I've researched has had a lot of side effects and can apparently seriously affect fertility if taken this young, but I don't know what my other options are. I've seen suggestions for natural solutions like sleeping/eating better, but for the most part I sleep great and my diet is relatively healthy. I've looked around on the internet for people in similar scenarios but haven't had a ton of luck, and I'm scared that this is either something very serious or will become a chronic lifelong problem.
I'm going to make an appointment with an endocrinologist tomorrow but was just looking for any sort of advice either from men who have been in a similar scenario or doctors familiar in the field. I'm really scared and anything to educate me would be really appreciated. | Athletic male with Low-T, worried about my future, looking for advice from doctors or young men in similar situations. |
t3_i2lne | AskReddit | So Reddit, what is the funniest thing you've ever seen or heard, but couldn't immediately burst out laughing at? | Here's mine! I was walking around my college campus with a friend of mine. In front of us, walking towards us, was an old lady and who I imagine was her around 13 year old grandson. As they are about 20 feet in front of us, the 13 year old suffers the most dramatic trip i've ever seen. He just loses his footing on the ground, flails his arms out, throws his cup of coffee everywhere, and just kind of lands on his face. Of course, he recovers quickly and brushes the fall of, likely to try to impress my female friend he just fell in front of. I have never tried so hard not to laugh in my life. needless to say, my friend and I both kept straight faces until the kid was a good 50 feet behind us. At that point, we both exploded with laughter. | My friend and I watched a boy dramatically trip, throw his coffee everywhere, and land on his face. We didn't laugh until well after we walked past him. |
t3_35joum | relationships | Me [20 M] struggle with being on my own and I think its going to push me into a doomed relationship. | to preface this I have issues with emotional numbness, and have very mild anxiety issues.
I have been single for about about 7-8 months now. Generally, aside from the numbness, im a really happy guy and I love my life. But when I get home and im alone in my room I just feel depressed and weird, like there's nothing I can do that i'll enjoy, even just distracting myself with tv doesnt work.
I have shit I enjoy doing alone but when I have these moods (most of the time) I have no desire to do anything.
It's making me crave a gf, someone who I can be with once im not wiht hanging with friends anymore, someone to keep me from getting lonely, but it's all for the wrong reasons. | feel kind of depressed and ronery when im not with my friends, makes me want a gf but if thats the motivation for our relationship it would be doomed to fail. |
t3_emhkv | AskReddit | Is it plagiarism if you cite sources in a bibliography but never use them in the paper? | Had a research paper due last week, did preliminary research. But I kept putting the paper off, the evening before the paper was due I realized I had to get work.
I collected all my research, overwhelmed by the amount of work that lay ahead of me. After thinking about it for a few minutes I decided to write 8 pages of BS. The only things in my paper that were true were the names and dates, all occurrences and "evidence" was fictional.
I realized what I was doing, I knew this wouldn't end well. But I figured I would rather hand something in and receive a low grade as opposed to no grade. To keep up with appearances, I included a works cited page knowing the teacher would realize something is a miss were it absent. However, no citations were present in my paper. All the "facts" were fictional so I felt as though no internal citation was needed.
This afternoon I receive an email from the professor claiming my paper is plagiarism. After reading the email I am under the impression that she has no idea that I made up everything.
She gave me the chance to email her the paper by noon tomorrow complete citations.
My question is, did I plagiarize by making up facts with no internal citation and then including a BS "Works Cited" page? If I were to included false citations, would that be further plagiarism?
Thanks everyone. | bullshitted research paper with fictional facts, included fake citations. didnt cite internally, teacher is claiming plagiarism. any opinions? |
t3_gsm9m | AskReddit | Attendings, Residents, Interns, and Med Students of Reddit. Can I ask you something? | I am currently a business student. I began taking college courses in High School at a community college. I began with a pre-med concentration, then transitioned to engineering, and now I'm in business/math as a double major. However, every single fiber of my body right now tells me that I should be a doctor. I want to change lives. I want to help people. I don't care about the money. I don't care about the hours. I feel that being a doctor is appealing because it is a career where your job is your life. You live at that hospital and it relies on you, it seems like.
What has brought me to this is idea began in my childhood, I always wanted to be a doctor. I fantasized about it since I was 8. However, that faded to engineering mid-high school. Right now I am a junior on credit level, and before this year my college GPA was around 3.8. This year, my mom has fallen ill and nearly died several times. My grades have suffered and I've had an abysmal semester. I probably have something like a 2.0, maybe worse. I'm not going to get kicked out but its going to take a summer and possibly a fall to bounce back. So this is my question: Is it even feasible to change to something along the lines of pre-med, bioengineering, or something else that I could use as a transition to try and to get into med school? Am I in it for the right reasons? Am I delusional? | Always wanted to be a doctor. Strayed from that path. My moms nearly died several times, witnessing it has rekindled the feelings. Am I crazy, or should I look into this further, what can you offer? |
t3_zkuhf | loseit | A question about self-control strategies. | Hi all, I'm (re)starting the journey to weight loss again, and have found it relatively easy to eat well at work until we have afternoon tea. In my workplace, once a week one of my team puts up afternoon tea for the whole team. This stuff is rarely good for you, and is generally along the lines of cheese and crackers, dips and salami, cakes and biscuits and lollies for good measure.
Now, in itself, this is not a problem. The problem is that I sit about 1 meter away from the table which this is all laid out on. This means that I'm constantly under pressure while it's there, and I find it really difficult to bear the temptation - and once I crack, and have one little thing, often I go bananas and break my calorie budget for the day.
This week I lasted for two hours until I cracked.
A few things that are out of the question - I can't move the food and I can't change desks (and for a couple of other unrelated reasons, I wouldn't want to change desks). I have asked for more healthy foods to be on offer, but as each week it's someone else getting the food, I would have to convince each one of my team before this would work. While I could make this my "cheat" once a week, I'd much rather have some other item as a cheat - such as a cooked breakfast on a Saturday morning. So I have to learn how to bear up under the temptation.
What strategies do you use to beat overwhelming food temptation? | I sit next to a snack table at work and find it hard to avoid eating them - Looking for strategies to beat this. |
t3_1jzn0s | running | Something amazing happened to me today while on a jog, and I have some questions for more seasoned runners. | So at first, I was just excited to jog because it's been quite a long time. But after getting out there, about a half-mile in, something very strange happened. Normally, I would start to feel burn In my muscles and ache in my abdomen. This time, I couldn't feel anything except chills running down my body over and over, and muscles firing. I felt so good, I nearly sprinted a quarter mile with a smile on my face. I kept going for a while, and then I couldn't feel the chills so I stopped. After regulating my heartbeat and breathing rhythm, I continued, and it happened again. This time I excersized self control and was able to run again, the rest of the way home. What is this? Has anyone else experienced it? | I felt chills running down my body rapidly, over and over, while running. It stopped my running pain, and gave me intense energy. What is this? |
t3_2zhw65 | relationships | Me [26/F] with my ex [36/M] of three years, we work in the same office, is it okay to wear the jewelry he bought me to work after our breakup? | Hi! I'm a longtime lurker but this is my first time posting so I apologize in advance if this isn't the right subreddit/format/etc.
Background:
I like wearing a little jewelry each day to finish off an outfit. My ex bought me quite a bit of it over the years and when we were together he always loved it when I wore something he had gotten me to the office where we both work.
Long story short things went south after a while and I had to break up with him (3 years together). It was a difficult decision for me to make and hard on us both, he wanted to work it out but it just wasn't working for me.
Working together was brutal and draining for a couple weeks afterwards but we both got our shit together and now our working relationship is back to being friendly and relaxed.
Question:
Now that over a month has passed and the vibe between us is friendly, is it okay to start wearing the jewelry he bought to work again?
I don't want to send out the wrong message or make him feel uncomfortable but I also don't want to stop wearing some of my favourite pieces.
Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks! | Broke up with ex, not sure if it's ok to wear jewelry he gave me when we were together to the office where we both work. |
t3_1d7933 | Parenting | Does anyone ever ask, "are they all yours?" what do you say? (Rant) | So once again, I was out shopping when a woman saw me with my four kids (8, 5, 3, 6 mos) and asked, "Are they all yours?"
I don't get it, why does everyone ask me that? My kids aren't my little clones (only one looks like me the rest look more like my husband) but they aren't that different from me either. They aren't adopted, and yes, they are all mine.
Why do people who see me ask me that? It always makes me wonder if I am doing something wrong. The kids weren't misbehaving when she asked, but my three year old had just asked to get out of the shopping cart, so I was putting him on the ground when she came over.
Course, I may just be annoyed because she didn't end it there... she continued to say, "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children..." and then she trailed off... Now, I know she was on the "children" thing **but** calling me an "old woman" was just adding insult to injury. | Ranty, rant, rant, then "Yes, they are all mine" and btw, I'm not that old. GRRRR.... |
t3_2npmce | relationships | I [20/M] feel super lonely without my ex [18/F] even though I see my friends every day and I dont know how to fix it. | It's been 2 weeks now and it was basically a mutual breakup, we both knew it wasnt working, but I still have this feeling lurking around deep inside that occasionally rears its head, a lonely feeling that I dont understand.
I see my friends pretty much every day but I have times where I just feel super lonely and its almost like a weird self-loathing, like an empty feeling that only a girl can fix, but I want to be able to fix it by myself and be comfortably single.
I have a few girls I could see casually and sometimes I feel like that would help but im scared I would just feel way worse and get reminded of cute times I shared with my ex. | split up with SO about 2-3 weeks ago, pretty ok about it by now but finding that I feel super lonely sometimes and want to know how to fix it. |
t3_2iq7vf | tifu | TIFU by trying to stretch during a test | Today during school I took a test with ~75 people in the same room as me. The time limit was around an hour, and because I didn't study properly I was having a pretty tough time with some of the questions. I also hadn't yet pooped that day, so I was constantly squirming around uncomfortably trying not to prairie dog/cause a scene. About halfway through a really long essay question I decided to take a bit of a breather, and as I tipped my chair back to stretch my body decided to let out a long, whining fart. The room was pretty large and dead silent, so everybody could hear my high-pitched rectal turbulence. Of course I tried to cover it up by loudly coughing and squeaking my chair around, but it was no use as all the people in the area around me could smell the disgusting pre-poop stench. I don't feel as bad now though, because about 20 minutes later another girl let out a fart even more impressive than mine. | TIFU by not taking a morning poop then trying to stretch during a test. Also got out-farted by some girl I don't know. |
t3_4k1g3x | relationships | I told my new so I had a dream about my ex | I told my new SO [27,F] (seeing her for two weeks now), that I was sad because I had a dream about an ex. (broke up with her a year ago) She knows that I am still trying to move on when we met and told me she'll help me. she encourages me to tell her everything and I was comfortable to tell her about that dream I thought she would simply brush it off and assure me that it's fine, but her response was far from my expectation. I guess my sadness towards that dream is not normal? She's clearly upset and won't talk to me after it. I know I don't love the ex anymore and the new SO is making me happy. It's just that my ex broke my heart really bad that if I see her face or any thoughts of her makes me really sad. I claim to be ready to be looking for a new love interest, which I am. My new SO thinks I'm not sure with how i feel. I feel stupid for telling her about it. She might not talk to me anymore | I told the new SO that I had a dream about an ex that made me sad. Now she won't talk to me. |
t3_22ke8a | dating_advice | At what point did your SO start sharing their more private information with you? | My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a month now, though we knew each other for about a year and a half before we started dating. Recently, a few things have come up that involve some more personal information of his - specifically, his mom being diagnosed with cancer, and a conversation we had last night where he mentioned in passing that he has medical issues that make him ineligible to join the military. When I pressed him a little further on both of these issues, he completely shut down and changed the subject or just said "I don't want to talk about it". I realize why he might not want to have an in-depth conversation about his mother being sick, but I was admittedly a little irked when he refused to say anything about his apparent medical issues other than "it's nothing that will kill me and it's nothing that you can catch". I never pushed either subject after he changed the subject or shut down.
So, am I expecting too much info too soon? When did your boyfriends/girlfriends start sharing more personal info like this with you? How should I go about ignoring/handling these situations? I have a huge caretaker instinct, so it's especially hard for me because I want to be there for him with his mother, and I tend to be very open with people, so I'm having a hard time accepting that he won't tell me this piece of information about himself.
Thanks! :) | boyfriend and I have been dating for a month-ish, he won't tell me some personal info about himself and it's bugging me. |
t3_4z44e1 | Advice | How do I find true friends? | If you've seen the movie/read the book "The Perks of Being a Wallflower", I'm basically Charlie. I'm quiet and reflective, but have a side of me that wants to get more out of life and be social. I have no idea how to go about making the friends I want to have. I'm a pretty nerdy and quiet person with most people I meet. I always feel really distant from new people and we never seem to click. It's gotten to the point where I feel I'm being utterly fake in all of my friendships. Conversations are dull and experiences are forced.
The only advice I've ever gotten is to go to events/clubs/meetups with people with similar interests. I've tried things like club sports and theater and even greek life...but nothing felt right. I know that it's best to go with interests first, but I've tried that. And with mild depression, I'm really looking for friends more than anything at this point. To be honest, I don't even have many interests anymore. Does anyone have experience or suggestions for groups they've seemed to have people who are friendly, but also weird/nerdy/interesting? | I want to meet more interesting people and finally make some friends. Does anyone have suggestions as to where they would be? |
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