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t3_381jzj | relationships | Me [20 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] of 9 months , trouble showing love and gratitude to my girlfriend | So i've had attachment issues for awhile because of family problems (that I deem as irrelevant in this narrative, i'll edit if needed). My issues make it hard to love the people I'm supposed to love.
Now I'm finally in my first ever long term relationship with a girl. She's witty, attractive, and passionate in her field of study, qualities that I contend as being "important". But I find it extremely hard to express emotions around her. It's like I'm shielding myself. When I do open up to her, it's a mostly grounding experience where I cry and express remorse for being a bad boyfriend. She's sometimes understanding, other times not, but always supportive.
I rarely let my guard down and mostly play the "cool guy" role. She tells me that I'm better than her, and I can't help but sometimes indulge my ego because it makes things easier on me (and wrongly so). I really want to love. I really want to feel something. I've dealt with worsening anxiety and depression for the better half of my adolescent-to-post-adolescent life, and I see this as a major contributor to all of the above.
Sometimes I love her. And sometimes I don't.
My problem is really that I can rationalize that yes, she is a great girlfriend. I felt comfortable enough to begin a relationship with her (keep in mind she is my FIRST long term girlfriend). And she goes above and beyond her duties as a girlfriend to please me. But I'm struggling to feel these things. Also it's scary to think that my ennui may be a draw for her. This might be an element that she finds attractive in me, and that this keeps the novelty going for her.
From a practical perspective, how do I juggle these issues? How do you love? How do you break your outer shell? How do you begin to trust those around you? How do you become vulnerable? | I have attachment issues and find it hard to love people (specifically my girlfriend at the moment), and am seeking to break this bad spell. |
t3_120gk7 | relationships | How do you deal with a friend who constantly over steps boundaries? | My (22) Friend (23) and I have known each other for years. We've had our ups and downs. Hes the kind of person that can really get on your nerves sometimes and be a great friend at other times. One of the things that pisses me off is that he seems to think life has no boundaries. When we were younger he would come to my house and talk to my parents like he was their equal, talk about girls like my mom wasn't sitting right there. He would invite himself to dinner because his mom never had food in the house. Surely someone coming over to dinner would be a respectful guest right? Wrong. He would take fill his plate with half the bowl of meat that was for the whole family. A true gavone. I hated having him at my house, but I digress.
More recently we've been going to a lot of EDM concerts together. We planned to do something for Halloween weekend. I have an event to go to with him and I have another that I'm going to with another group of friends that he doesn't know. I told him about my plans. Yesterday he texts me and says "I got a ticket bro I'm coming with you guys!" What the fuck? I didn't invite him with us nor do I want him with us. He's my friend but do I have to go to EVERY event with him? It's such bad manners in my opinion for anyone to do this. Maybe if he at least knew my friends I would say this isn't so far fetched. I could let this go but this isn't the first event of intrusiveness. I'm pissed off. I don't want to be a dick and tell him how I really feel, but how do I let him know stuff like this is not ok without hurting his feelings? | friend invited himself to concert, somehow thinks I would be excited about that. how do I tell him it isn't ok? |
t3_1kdzd5 | relationship_advice | Should I (26F) be concerned about how he (27M) treated other women before me? | We've been together for 8 months and he's been pretty honest about his dating life before he met me. A couple stories stand out and make me seriously want to re-evaluate how I think about him: (1) he went out with a girl he met online, slept with her, then told her she was too overweight for him to date; (2) a FWB situation he had with a single mother who was clearly under the impression they were in a relationship, but he was "just horny"; (3) a girl he purposefully got pregnant (not my messing with her birth control, just unprotected sex) when she had the impression he wanted to get married, only to tell her he had no intention of marrying her though he tried to talk her out of getting an abortion. (He even offered to pay her to have the kid; she ended up getting the abortion).
This man was very up front about what he wanted early on in our relationship, including being married with kids within 5 years or so. He treats me well, tells me I'm everything he has always been searching for and that I have everything he wants in a life partner. He has spent a significant amount of time with my family, always posts pics of me online, frequently talks about our future together and has started to slowly move in with me. Despite his obvious enthusiasm about me, I can't help but wonder if the way he treated those other girls is actually a red flag, or if this is normal behavior for a lot of men that they would never disclose to a significant other. In terms of our relationship he has been very enthusiastic about the possibility of having children with me, though I made it absolutely clear that I would never even explore that possibility before marriage and would immediately have an abortion if impregnated. He said that this was absolutely understood, and we have never had unprotected sex. Even so, I have concerns about how he will treat me after the 'honeymoon' period of our relationship comes to an end. I'm especially sickened by situation number (3), because that was an unbelievably cruel thing to do to someone. | My bf was a total dick to other women but treats me like his queen. Is this cause for concern? |
t3_2lsvsi | tifu | TIFU by getting Kim Thayil of Soundgarden denied of free beer. | I noticed that the T of TIFU doesn't really apply, so here goes:
This was back in the late 80s when all the Seattle bands we all know and love were all playing tiny venues. I had no idea what any of these guys looked like, I just knew that they sounded frikkin awesome! One night I went to see Sound Garden open for Soul Asylum at a Belltown venue that must have held 100 people max, and that would have been one big mosh pit. Could have been the Crocodile, but if so it was half the size of today's Crocodile.
Anyhow, it was LOUD. I was at the bar, trying to order beer, and the scruffy dude in front of me says to the bartender, "...mumblemumble free beer? mumblemumble..." All I hear is "free beer?" and so I yell, "FREE BEER!!?? I WANT SOME!" Bartender glares at both of us says, "NO FREE BEER!" and walks to the other end of the bar to serve someone who actually wants to pay for beer.
Scruffy dude in front of me turns around and gives me a look that would have withered *plastic* flowers, and storms off. I think, "Wow, what was *his* problem?" and forget about it. Until.
Until Soundgarden takes the stage. Chris Cornell is being weird and using headphones as a microphone. I eventually look over at the lead guitarist, and hey, that guy looks familiar. Oh shit. It's the guy who was in front of me talking about the free beer. I had fucked up his chance at getting a well-deserved free beer! He must have said something like, "I heard you have free beer for band members playing tonight?" I'm lucky he didn't kick my ass!
Kim, if for some reason you happen to read this, I'm sorry. I'll happily buy you a growler of Chuck's Hop Shop's finest, or keep your pint glass filled for an entire evening at the next show you attend! | Didn't recognize Kim Thayil, heard him ask for free beer and tried to get some too. Bartender gets pissed and tells both of us to get lost. |
t3_h3o8t | AskReddit | I messed up with the woman I love. I broke a promise that I made to her after I messed the last time. The way she looks at me scares the shit out of me. It's like looking at a completely different person. I was caught looking at porn, again... | I don't think I've browsed porn in a long time. This morning before work, I just popped it open and started browsing. I don't even think I was aware of what I was doing, and just did it anyway... She doesn't want me to look at porn, and let's be serious, I shouldn't be...
When I was younger and single, I would have the tendency to check out porn a lot. It was a routine for me almost everyday. I feel like I may have self-control issues and definitely not trust worthy with even the person I care a lot about.
I just wish I could take it back, but I feel deep down this was a grave mistake and feel like she doesn't deserve this. | I feel fucked and if this is going to bring her to not trusting me, I just want to know what my next steps should be. |
t3_wuvs0 | AskReddit | Reddit what is something productive I can do at my job I do nothing at? | Reddit I know we aren't the best at doing productive things but I need ideas. I started a second job 5 months ago I work 11pm-7am full time that's 40 hours a week I literally have nothing to do but sit here on my laptop. There are no supervisors just my partner. I just feel like it's so much time wasted I could be doing something. If I worked day shift I would do some day trading and make some money but can't do that. I should really get Rosetta stone and learn a language but that's kinda boring. Anyone have ideas? Teach my self to program maybe get apples app software learn and make an app? And I already have hundreds of hours logged on steam already and keep an xbox here. I can do almost anything that doesn't involve going outside by law two people must stay in this room at all times. | have close to 40 (overnight) hours a week to do something productive what should I do? Learn a language, learn to program,start a website? I'm pretty willing to spend a little money if need be. ideas? |
t3_k3r5g | AskReddit | Reddit, I'm asking for your "cook-once-a-week" recipes | Hello, Redditors,
I just came to the idea that it will be easier for me to cook once a week, but for longer, instead of cooking everyday. I know it isn't the best solution, but it will save me time to focus on education and give me a bit more time at all. I've had enough with the frozen food from the store and though that I can pre-cook something, freeze it and then just warm it up and cook it as needed. Like pizza, for example, I believe I can make the dough, pre-cook it for a few minutes, then add the topping and when it has cooled down - freeze it and have pizza for the rest of the month.
I'm asking you for your recipes, that are already tested, and how to prepare them. Since I'm from Eastern Europe, I'd enjoy trying some American dishes, that aren't very difficult to prepare. I also apologize for my grammar mistakes. | I'm asking you for the recipes of those dishes, that can be precooked, stored in the freezer and then just warmed up a few days later. |
t3_4bgq1a | relationships | Me [22 M] no friends, good job. Do I stay lonely or quit and go to college in another country? | I have never been in a relationship and all the friends I've had have really just kept me along to use me usually for car rides, food or to pay their portion of rent and even gave my roommate my old car. I've got to the point where I have become used to being alone. I even went out and bought everything to make Seafood Linguine with a white wine reduction sauce and a tiramisu torte and tried to get people together to cook/eat food and finally had to do it by myself after about a week because no one else wanted to partake.
The one thing that I do have going for me is a job that I enjoy, I work 3-4 12 hour shifts for a tech company in the States that gives lots of time off even though I often find myself working overtime because I don't have much else to do with my time. The job pays enough for me to get by and I'm even taking a one month trip to Europe this summer by myself through 15 different countries.
I've saved up enough to put 20% down on a house here where I would be all alone or to move to Germany and just focus on going to school to get my Bachelor's degree and possibly my Master's degree giving me a chance to make friends and potentially even find myself in a relationship. Should I stay or should I go now? | Have a job I enjoy but no friends and have never been in a relationship. Do I spend my saved money on a down payment on a house and stay lonely or leave everything behind and go to college in Germany? |
t3_wxe97 | relationships | I need advice regarding a situation that involves herpes, among other things... | A- my boyfriend, 27
B- boyfriend's brother, 21
C- brother's on/off fwb, 20
And I am 19 f. B and C have had a thing going on for a while. A and C are fairly close friends and she has been confiding in him lately. C is troubled to say the least; I won't go into detail, but it seems like all the bad things that could possibly happen have happened to her.
So A, B, C, and I all work at the same place. Last night C and I were talking in the breakroom and she told me that she has herpes. I asked if she'd told everyone she'd been with; she said she'd only been with one guy recently and that was a few months ago. I don't know if she was referring to B or not, because I didn't ask (stupid, I know). I don't think she even knows I know about her and B.
C told me not to tell anyone. But I definitely feel like B has the right to know. I don't talk to him much so I feel like it might be better to have A tell him; the thing is, I feel like it would be a bit inappropriate to tell him that his brother may have been exposed to herpes via text message. I might see A this afternoon during shift change when he's leaving work and I'm about to come in. I don't really know if I'll have a chance to tell him in private. I'll see him tomorrow morning for work as well and then again when we hang out tomorrow night.
So should I text A, find a way to tell him at work, or wait until tomorrow when we'll have time alone? Or maybe I could just ask C if she's told B, but I'm afraid she'll be angry at A for telling me about their thing. | My bf's brother may have been exposed to herpes. Trying to figure out the most appropriate way to bring this up to my bf (if he doesn't already know) so he can tell his brother.**** |
t3_3t0loc | relationships | Me (20F) and boyfriend (20M) of two years. I know we're too young to get married, but are relationships supposed to be this stagnant? | Stagnant is a harsh word, but I couldn't think of a better one. Basically, my boyfriend and I have been dating 2 years. We're living together temporarily until the end of the semester, and then we move to separate dorms. I've really liked living with him and we're considering doing it again after we graduate. It's really fun cooking dinner together, cuddling at night (our dorms have curfews), etc.
Lately I've been wanting to get engaged/married, and have been shamelessly dropping hints. I know I'm too young and that we have professional goals that come first, but I really love this guy and I want to be with him and make our relationship a bit more legitimate. My boyfriend is committed to marrying me in the future if all goes well, but obviously not now.
It just feels like our relationship has hit a lull, and that we're just in some sort of quasi-state where we're not newly dating and we're not a unit. It makes me feel weird for some reason. Sorry if this is all super vague.
Obviously I'm going to stop myself from dropping any more marriage hints, but is there anything else I can do to quell these thoughts for the next few years? I don't want to scare my boyfriend away, and it's not like I'm planning a dream wedding or anything. Could this "stagnancy" be a sign of worse issues in the relationship? I have no experience other than my current boyfriend, so advice for newbies would be great. | I want to marry my boyfriend because our relationship feels 'blah' and not really real sometimes, and I know this is the wrong time/reason. How do I fix this feeling? |
t3_3htd4i | relationships | How do I [20/M] tell my emotionally immature mother [42] that she gives me anxiety? | My relationship with my mother is something straight out of /r/raisedbynarcissists.
For the past 3 years my mother has been emotionally abusive, verbally abusive and generally awful to me. She's picked on me and singled me out in front of other family members, she's openly told my siblings that she doesn't like me, she's mocked my mental health problems, she just hasn't been a mother to me.
A week ago she went crazy at me for spilling coffee. She ridiculed me and called me stupid. She's done this many times before but this time I'd had enough and I defended myself. Our shouting match resulted in me telling her she gives me anxiety. She also is a cause of my depression and non-existent self esteem, but I didn't say that.
Now she wants to know why she gives me anxiety. She is completely unaccountable and if I tell her the truth she will absolutely explode on me and drag my entire family into the mix. This will not be a civilised, mature conversation. | My narcissistic mother wants to know why she gives me anxiety. She is completely unaccountable and unable to own up to how she's treated me over the years. She cannot face the truth. How do I tell her the truth? |
t3_3dypjv | tifu | TIFU by not erasing my browsing history | So, like all TIFU this actually happened a few months ago - my ex fiancee left me to "find herself" and I was in a pretty bad place emotionally, though I wouldn't let on to it outwardly. I dumped myself into the gym and boxing because it wasn't the unhealthiest distraction I could find. The problem with drastically increasing your exercise is the rekindling of the urges that all but died off in the bedroom that has become stagnant in the preceding months with the ex. I'm a pretty timid guy sexually until I get to know someone, but when I open up with someone, I feel like I'm a pretty normal partner.
Anyway, I was getting to the point of wanting to meet someone new so I came to Reddit's r4r, and got side tracked by a swinging post. Here's where the fuckup occurred- In a drunken stupor I made a witty comment about keeping things classy by making sure there was scotch. On my regular username. I don't have a burner account because I feel like it's a didn't kind of dishonest than erasing your browser history or deleting old comments, but I guess it's all similar.
Anyway, fast forward to more recently, meet a girl on r4r, we chat, we match, she reads my comment history and stops the conversation because of the 6 month old comments. | Used my main account to post in a kink thread and didn't erase the comments. Met a seemingly perfect match on r4r that now thinks I'm a swinger and no longer wants to talk. The end |
t3_4atq5t | Advice | What's my best course of action? | Hi fellow Redditors,
I run my own tutoring business, where I cater to a whole host of students from all different age groups.
I currently tutor two boys from the same family, one young and one older, and I initially discounted my hourly price due to seeing their single mother trying to support them both in a low socio-economic area (I also thought that since I was getting multiple clients, the lowering of my cost would be beneficial for both sides).
For the last several sessions, their grandmother has been present, but their mother hasn't, and as a result I have been 'running a tab' as to what they owe me thus far. I continually inform the mother that she can pay me when she gets paid, and that I am not desperate for the money immediately after every session.
It has come to my attention, however, that both of her sons have now racked up a total over $300.00 (AU), and I consistently inform both the mother and the grandmother of the total each time I arrive. The mother informed me on our last session she would pay it all in bulk today, however after my session was done, the mother had not arrived home, and the grandmother merely stated that "she wasn't sure what [name] was going to do but that I would definitely see her next session".
I have several dilemmas:
1. I have significant foresight to see that a family like theirs who is less well-off should be extremely careful when racking up debts to the amount of hundreds of dollars, and would like to stop it in its tracks by kindly suggesting they don't request any further sessions off me until it is partly paid (this is a moral response... I am not concerned about the payment itself, and am not in dire need for it)
2. I run a business, am part-time in the Army and study full-time at university... So I fit clients in wherever I can find space (usually in late afternoon/evenings & weekends). Therefore I don't exactly wish to be running a charity business and chasing up clients in the spare time that I do not currently have (this is my business side talking).
I have a great relationship with the family, however for several reasons I think I need to tackle this sooner than later. | Poor client owes me money for tutoring their children. I do not wish to be forceful but they will not do well in a position of debt to any business, including mine. |
t3_d8xtc | AskReddit | Need help, screwed out of 300 deposit. before I moved in. | I moved to Shreveport (PCS) to start flying at Barksdale air force base, I couldn't get there in time to see an apartment so I looked online. Found a cool place, 870 sq feet, full kitchen stainless steel, granite counter tops, etc. I get to the base 31 Aug 11pm.. in process the next day, long process not done yet. Go to check my apartment on 2 September. And when I get there I don't have a kitchen.
kitchen promised: <a href=" title="Hosted by imgur.com">
kitchen showed: <a href=" title="Hosted by imgur.com">
the one they tried to give me did not even have an oven or fridge.
so I refuse the lease and ask for my deposit back...the guy said that it was company policy to keep the deposit as they had a 72 hour holding before it was forfeit. None of this was in the application as well.
Also they called me 4pm 31 Aug to say my application was accepted... I was there 2 Aug... 1pm.. well within the 72 hours.
he said it was from the when the received the application that the hours went on the clock.
where do I stand? I understand that they cant keep the deposit unless I sign a lease.. which I did not. Also if the 72 hour policy is from the receipt of the check.. they could feasibly deny all applications and keep the check. Along with the 30 dollar application fee that was a separate check.
what can I do? | Tried to pawn different apartment off on me with no kitchen, they are keeping 300 deposit. I never signed lease... help! |
t3_1b9rk7 | relationships | Should I (27M) be concerned about how many men my SO (22F) has slept with? | I've always considered myself to be a pretty mature and open-minded guy, but when my girlfriend informed me that she has slept with 10 different guys within a 2-year span, I was taken back by it and I'm not sure why. She told me this when we first started dating, we've been together for about a year now, and it's still a fact that looms in the back of my mind.
When we spoke about it, she said a few were guys she actually dated for a bit, and others were one night stands. She was young, and in her "party years", so I was understanding about it and tried to withhold my judgement. She also said most were with guys she actually liked and wanted to be with, but they ended up breaking her heart. So far it has been the most happy & fulfilling relationship I've been in, and it's likely that I will marry this girl someday. I just need help getting past her past. | My girlfriend for a year slept with 10 different guys in a two-year span before me, and I'm not sure why I am so hung up on it |
t3_4allik | legaladvice | Recently bought my first car. Turns out it had a salvaged engine... | Hello /r/legaladvice.
This is in North Carolina. Recently I just purchased my first vehicle by myself, a 2009 Jeep Grand Cherokee with just over 70k on the ODO. Before buying I looked over the CarFax and didn't see any problems reported - no accidents, parts being replaced (outside of tires, filters, and other small things) or vehicle damage to be seen. Everything looked great.
After about 10 days of owning the car, I turned it on one morning to go to work and started hearing an incredibly loud ticking noise. I did my research online and found it could honestly be a multitude of things (oil too full, one of the o rings in the engine loose etc). So naturally I took it to a local mechanic to get it checked out.
After his inspection, he called me and let me know that the engine was actually replaced with a salvage engine, and that the work under the hood was shoddy.
My question to you is this - is there anything I can do? Or am I just shit out of luck and stuck with the vehicle? Did the dealer legally need to disclose the engine replacement to me, or is it just morally wrong? | Bought 09 Grand Cherokee, started making a loud ticking noise 10 days after buying, found out engine was completely replaced, no one at the dealership i bought it from told me, nor was it on the carfax. what do? |
t3_27cqxf | relationships | Me [24 M] stuck in the orbit of a [23 F] for months, tell me end it and move on. | She's not my girlfriend.
I used the word orbit because we follow the same path every two months or so.
1. We start casually talking again after one of us breaks under an imposed (but never talked about) silence.
2. We meet up a couple of times for drinks or a movie ect. (We split the bills pretty equally, surprisingly.)
3. The texts start to ramp up again. Flirting is less subtle. I'm getting the emotional support and nurturing I'm starved for. She gets all of the benefits of a boyfriend without having to commit to anything.
4. I start to feel worthless because I realize she isn't interested in me — not really. Decide to go out and confront her on how I'm feeling, make her define our relationship or tell me it isn't going to happen.
5. I get drunk to drown the part of me that wants to stay codependent. She tells me she's tried dating someone else but thinks of me during/ tries to move on but keeps thinking of me/ tells me she thinks I could make her happy. I always believe her. We're hammered. We hook up.
6. She texts the next day saying she's not sure what that means. She needs more time. I stop responding to texts until I can't anymore.
Repeat forever.
I just moved to a new town and she's the only connection I have to a lot of the past. I don't know if we can ever be just friends, that hasn't worked out yet. I'm afraid. | We're not dating, until we are. She is anti-commitment and my self-worth is too low for NSA. |
t3_4cc1f4 | legaladvice | Help my cousin! She caused a car accident and the other driver agreed to take cash instead of going through insurance but then after the other driver reported it anyway [Nevada] | My cousin lives in Nevada because she goes to college there but she is originally from Maine. There is a big mess but not all of it is her fault.
The part that was her fault was that she caused a car accident. She was really freaking out even there wasn't so much damage and neither of them was hurt. She told the other driver she wanted to pay for the damage without calling insurance and offered her a thousand dollars because that was all she had and it was supposed to be her money for books for school. She paid the driver and they both went home.
Except now the cops in Maine came looking for her because they said she was a suspect in a hit and run. Her car had Maine plates and was registered there. She ended up getting arrested in Nevada. The cops say the other driver flagged down a cop car and reported a hit and run. The driver acted hurt and got taken to the hospital. There is also a dashcam video that shows the accident and my cousin hitting her and then my cousin getting out to check on the driver. There is no audio though so they can't hear what my cousin is saying. It shows my cousin getting into her car and driving away. The part where they went to a parking lot and my cousin paid her is not there and the cops and other driver say it doesn't exist. My cousin didn't know there was a dashcam.
So now the cops think that my when my cousin got out and saw the driver was hurt she took off. That's not what happened because they went to a parking lot and the other driver agreed when my cousin offered to pay her cash. The cops also think my cousin was high at the time because of an instagram picture of her with a bong but she wasn't and they can't prove that. They are charging her with a hit and run and I don't know how bad this is or how to help her. She caused the minor accident for sure but didn't do the rest of what they are saying and she's never been in trouble before and now it's going to wreck her whole life. | Cousin caused a minor accident and offered the driver a cash instead of going through insurance. The other driver agreeed but then called the cops and only gave half the dashcam footage to them and now claims she was hurt. |
t3_1s6ok2 | relationships | My (21/m) girlfriend (18/f) wants to see another girl (20?/f) and I'm feeling unwanted jealousy. | My girlfriend M spends a lot of time with this girl T at school and work, and they were romantic together when we started dating 2 months ago. Not commited, but they would kiss and go on dates and such.
M said she felt pretty neutral about T, and that she was just fascinated by her. We talked and agreed on monogamy, and she told T they couldnt kiss and stuff anymore.
About a week later M tells me she still has feelings for her, and she still wants to kiss her. We talked for a while about it, and i told her how I feel jealous and am not comfortable with it. We talked about how much we mean to each other, and she reassured me she wasnt going anywhere, and that Im everything to her. I ended up having a bit to drink and agreed that she could see her (kiss\hold hands, she'd tell me before hand if anything else were going to happen.) Anyway, now its the day after, and im regretting that decision. Im extremely jealous and uncomfortable with it, and dont know what to do. I dont want to be controlling or posessive over her, cause T is obviously important to her, but i really cant stand the jealousy.
Im just at a loss. Any words are appreciated. | Girlfriend wants to see a girl she really cares about on the side, Im ridden with insecurity and jealousy about it. |
t3_4iee5l | relationships | Me [19F] with my [17M] 1 year, i said he could make friends on a dating site. | [Sorry for poor editing, on mobile]
Im a 19 f. Living with my 17 yo boyfriend, he's incredibly smart and for that reason he has a hard time making/keeping friends. He went to a counselor for an unrelated isssue. But his councilor suggests leaving me and finding someone more mentally suited to him.
He didn't like the idea of leaving me. But he liked the idea of finding someone else on a dating site. I left home and stayed the night with my mum for mothers day. I came home today and he said he was up till 3 am talking to some girl online.
I said i was ok with it. But honestly its ripping me appart. I understand his situation with wanting more mental stimulus via new people, but he wont show me the conversations they are having.
And just today he said i can't leave the house and helo my mum for a week. Hes worried i might cheat on him?
I dont know what to make if the whole situation | said i was ok with bf making friends on dating site, he was awake till 3 am chatting while i was away. |
t3_zb9ib | BreakUps | I [26F] was just dumped by my boyfriend [35] of 7 months and I'm pretty sure he was "the one", what can I do to get him back? | So last week my boyfriend of 7 months decided that he didn't like being my boyfriend anymore, but he liked being my friend. Since the beginning of our relationship we had this intense connection and within the past couple months I knew that he is what some people call "the one" or the person I'm supposed to be with. I know it sounds really cheesy, and before now I didn't really believe it but as one of my friends told me, you just know and with this guy, I just know. But last week he decided he didn't want a relationship with me anymore, he said we just weren't compatible anymore. We have said I love you to each other, he called me his best friend as recently as a couple weeks ago, we have a lot of the same interests, and have talked quite a bit about the future and how we want to eventually get married. He told me that he still wants to be friends, but after 7 months he didn't see the relationship wasn't going anywhere and that I needed someone who better fit with my family. I am really close to my family and he isn't close to his family at all, but I never pressured him when it came to my family. I know why he's feeling the way he is right now, and I know that I wasn't being who he needed me to be, but I know that I can be that person and I want to be that person. I need to change and I'm not changing for him, he just made me realize that I needed to change. So what, if anything, can I do to make him realize that I can be who he needs me to be and that we should be together? | My ex broke up with me last week, he still wants to be friends. I know we have a future together and I want to know what I can do to get him back. |
t3_t44xo | AskReddit | Reddit, can you PLEASE help me win this bet...? | Have you ever heard the line: "If I knew it was going to be that kind of party, I would've stuck my dick in the mashed potatoes!" (or some variation thereof)... Well, I was telling my buddy that I remember hearing this on a Snoop Dogg album back in the day. He bet me $50 that I was wrong. I've done a bunch of research online and found that the guy who originally said it was Mantan Moreland, an old-school comedian. The Beastie Boys sampled Moreland's sound bite in a song called "B Boys Makin' With the Freak Freak." However, I've listened to both of these clips and neither one are the version I've heard.
Does anyone else remember this? It may not have been Snoop Dogg (although I was pretty certain it was), but I'm almost positive it was from an old West Coast Rap album.
PLEASE HELP!!! | Where has the line, "If I knew it was going to be that kind of party, I would've stuck my dick in the mashed potatoes," been recorded, aside from the Mantan Moreland and Beastie Boys versions? |
t3_uvldu | dating_advice | Help with first kiss regret. | So basically I dated this girl for a little while and she was my first kiss. It didn't work out and while we are still friends I still regret that it didn't work out and I still have feelings for her (She knows this, but she had stronger feelings for someone else and she thought it was unfair to stay with me). I don't doubt that I'll get over it, it's just that this is the first girl I'll have a past with and I want to know how much that past will affect me in the future. I'll always remember it, but I just want to know if it will be a haunting memory or if it will just become a little thing. Right now I don't know because it just ended so I'm asking for people who have been there before. Thanks! | Did your first kiss/relationship mean a lot more than everything else? Do you still have feelings for them? Will I ever get over my feelings for her? |
t3_4buc5a | relationships | Me [27 F] with my husband [28 M/F] of 6 years, my husband's mangy mouth turns me off | My husband's dental hygiene is putting a damper on our sex life and overall romance in our relationship. He has a very serious phobia of dentists, stemming from traumatic experiences in his younger years, and has not gone to the dentist in over a decade. His mouth smells absolutely rancid, and his teeth are caked with build-up of tarter. His gum line has receded a quite a bit for this lack of attention to his dental health.
It's been over a year since we have made out with tongue. I'm desperate to kiss someone. I need kissing in my life. I love my husband and I have done everything that I can to support him through such an anxiety-inducing situation. I've researched dentists who specialize with those suffering from severe dental anxiety, I've told him that we could pay to have him sedated. He downright refuses. He insists that he is completely pain-free and doesn't think he needs to go.
On top of this, he just doesn't seem to have the sex drive or stamina he once had. We have sex maybe once every month... if that. I'm not getting what I need sexually or romantically from our relationship anymore.
I can't kiss him like this, he refuses to go get the dental cleanings he so desperately needs, but I need some kissing. I'm spending hours fantasizing about kissing people. I love him with every part of me. He's my best friend and I can't imagine my life without him. I would never have sex with another person besides him... but this woman NEEDS some serious kissing in her life.
What do I do? | My husband has a phobia of the dentist. His mouth is smelly and grosses me out. I love him, but I need to kiss someone BAD. Help. |
t3_527lyn | relationships | Me [23 M] broke up with my [20 F] just few days ago after a 2 year relationship | So, this past Wednesday, I finally broke up with my girlfriend. In July, we mutually decided to break it off but it was more of a break than an actual breakup. A month later, we started talking again. I found out during the one month gap, she fucked two dudes. I decided that since we were not technically together, I can't put too much blame on her and with her consent we decided to revive our old fling. I still deeply cared for her and I thought she did the same too. I mean we had been together for almost 2 years and it was hard to completely get over my feelings. We both agreed that we would work on our relationships and I clearly mentioned to her that any sort of cheating would mean an end of us forever. Well, last weekend I was out of town and she fucked another dude. I only found out about it on Wednesday while she was sleeping on my bed while acting like nothing happened. I just couldn't hold my emotions and kicked her out in the middle of the night. She was saying that she wanted to talk and blah blah and how she was drunk but I was having none of it. Since that night, I have decided to completely cut off her from my life and deleted her from every social media that we were friends in. Its just that I am feeling really lonely and I really do miss her. I genuinely loved her. Right now, all I can think about is how she is getting on with another guy and I am here drinking by myself feeling pity on myself. I just wanted to know how long will this last. I feel like shit and I have been hammered drunk every night since that fateful night and can't focus on anything. How do I overcome this? | Was trying to make it work with a girl I had been together for almost 2 years and she fucked another guy. Now, I feel like complete shit because I have realized we would never get back together. |
t3_2j8p0k | relationships | 38F with my 47M husband: married 20 years, I'm done but don't know how to tell him | He's a good, kind, attractive, and compassionate man. I love him in that I feel affection for him and don't want to see him hurt. I love our two amazing children. And when he touches me, I want to curl up and cry inside.
I want him to fall in love with someone else who's better for him in every way. Calmer. Sweeter. More tender-hearted. More home- and family-oriented. Less of a mess.
We've had an open relationship for a few years, and there's one woman he's seeing who would be just about perfect. But he will never put anyone else first, even if I wanted him to.
How do I either fall back in love with him, or let him go with a minimum of hurt? And why on earth can't I be happy in a relationship that looks, from the outside, like exactly what I should want? | my husband is a wonderful man, but I don't want to be married any more. What is wrong with me? |
t3_37cjil | relationships | I [26 M] am no longer sexually attracted to my long-distance GF of 1 year due to her weight gain. | Hi Reddit,
I'll just get right to the point. I've known this girl for about a year and a half and we've been dating for over a year now. When we started dating, she was a little overweight, but nothing approaching obese levels. She had curves, I was into it. I moved away for 6 months during our relationship for work reasons, but I'm moving back to the city where she lives soon. During this period, she has gained a significant amount of weight. Enough weight where I am no longer sexually attracted to the sight of her body.
Now, I'm not the perfect physical specimen either, but I haven't let myself go like she has and I at least make an effort to eat right and exercise occasionally.
When we would see each other during the long distance relationship part, I wouldn't bring this up directly to her because I didn't want to offend her. I just talked about how I wanted to get in better shape and what not, and I think she got the hint. She started a new diet a while back and says she goes to the gym, but she's gained a lot more weight than she's lost. She makes comments about being fat all the time and I try to be supportive, but it's getting harder and harder. Also, I can't really work out with her because we live in different cities at the moment.
I don't know what to do. I've lost interest in her sexually, but I feel like a total asshole for having these feelings. I saw her over memorial day weekend and even though I'd gone a few months without seeing her, we only had sex twice, both times she initiated.
I'm torn between just flat out telling her that she's gotten too fat for me (which will absolutely crush her), or keeping it to myself which will inevitably lead to me resenting her. | Long distance girlfriend has gained a lot of weight. Shows no desire to change her lifestyle. I don't know what I should do. |
t3_t7y2f | AskReddit | I had a terrifying experience with sleep paralysis this morning that has left me shaken. What experiences with sleep paralysis or night terrors have you had? | I'm going to start out by saying I have experienced sleep paralysis before, so I knew what was going on. Regardless I am still shaken.
My dad had an appointment for a biopsy this morning to see if he has lymphoma (test came back positive). But since his appointment was around 5 am, he insisted I drop him off at the hospital and come home and get some sleep. I do so, but kept waking up. At one point, I had the urge to sit up, I felt like I *needed* to be awake but I couldn't move anything besides my mouth. I fought it and fought it and as I was about to sit up I heard my dad's voice say "downwithmoonlight, not now, its ok, lay down, keep your eyes closed and go back to sleep. Soon it will be ok." I open my eyes though and see a cloaked skeleton creeping towards my bed (think grim reaper). Terrified, I close my eyes and try my best to go back to bed. I know it was just a dream, but considering my dad's diagnosis and his bad habits of smoking and not eating healthy foods, I fear how much longer I'll be able to sit on the couch and watch Game of Thrones with him.
So reddit, please, tell me your stories of night terrors or sleep paralysis so I don't feel so crazy. | had a [sleep paralysis] experience this morning that seemed like a bad omen for my dad's health. Tell me your stories so I don't feel so alone? |
t3_4eohts | relationships | I [18M] want to stay with my girlfriend [18F] in a long distance relationship through four years of college | My girlfriend and I, we've been dating on and off for about 2 1/2 years, will go to college in different states. I am going to go to Dallas and she will be in Washington D.C.
The program that I will be attending will leave me very busy, and although I'm confident that I can make time for her through texting and calling her, I won't be able to come visit that often. We will barely see each other. Now, I have another offer down in southern Virginia which puts me around 2 hours away from her, ensuring that I'll visit her a couple times more often. However, this offer is much more expensive and not as great as the one in Dallas. She wants me to take the offer in Dallas, but I don't wanna lose her.
I know I sound very naive; I'm only 18. But I really really like this girl and would hate to grow apart from her. How important is visiting in person in a Long distance relationship? Does anyone have experience with infrequent visits? What about general advice for a long distance relationship? | need to choose between college options for my girlfriend to either be closer or further away from her. I need to know if we can conquer the distance between each other even with completely new friends and relationships and experiences. |
t3_31k8tj | weddingplanning | Need some encouragement - FFIL threatening to ruin the whole wedding | My FFIL is extremely conservative and unfortunately holds some fairly hefty financial strings over us. It's not ideal, but we live in a very expensive area and since he lives on the other side of the country, we barely have to interact with him. He found out this week that we were sharing the master bedroom in their old house (hello, we're both in our thirties) and had the mother of all meltdowns, even going so far as to say a bunch of nasty things about me. FH's mother is here right now and we had set her up in the bedroom at the end of the hall, but now she's telling us we need to move her into the master bedroom and we each have to move into two separate bedrooms to keep the peace. I asked her if she really wanted to stay in the master or if she just wanted to avoid a fight and she said both, but I truly believe she just wants to keep him happy.
I have been living with my FH for two years. We have all our stuff in the master bedroom and I really don't want to move out for three weeks before the wedding because my FFIL is throwing a tantrum. I have so much stress in my life and the one thing that makes it easier is being able to curl up with my FH as we're going to sleep. At this point, there's really not much else we can do short of moving out, so we will likely have to bend to this man's whims, but this has felt like a kick in the gut. I feel completely disrespected, and this is a logistical headache when we should not even be stressing about anything other than wedding planning. Further, I was planning on getting ready in the master so my FH wouldn't see me on the wedding day and now that has all changed.
Guys, I could really use some encouragement or advice, especially for those of you whose parents or in-laws come from a conservative culture where elders are always supposed to be respected, no matter what. | FFIL sent me a nasty email and is threatening to destroy the wedding because FH and I are sharing a bedroom in their old house. |
t3_3yfg6p | relationships | My [30F] husband[30 M] husband has checked out, dead bedroom, mixed signals | My husband and I have been struggling a lot in our marriage lately. And it feels like he has completely checked out.
Last night he passed out on the couch again. And it would be fine if he took a nap on the couch once in awhile, but he's always sleeping.
I woke him up and he could tell I was frustrated and it turned into a Talk. I told him, again, how lonely I've been and how I wished he was just awake more often. Not that we had to be tied at the hip, but at least awake and available to one other if one wanted to talk or have a hug, whatever. He responded by saying I'm just so critical of him and he can't do anything to make me happy. He tried to say he'll ask my permission to take nap, and I told him not to turnme wanting to spend time with him into a control thing.
Then I brought up how we just aren't that close anymore and never have sex. He said he doesn't feel that close to me and that sex just isn't important to him after all the years he wanted it more than I did.
I told him that even when he wanted it more, we had sex a lot more than we do now. We would have sex at least once a week, and since the last two years, it's maybe once a month.
He told me he is just used to not wanting sex now, and that it's funny it's important now that it's important to me. I told him that's fair, but that that puts me in a lose-lose situation. If I want it he resents it and I don't get any, and if I don't push it and want it, I still don't get any.
Anyway, the gist of it, in my mind, came down to: He isn't emotionally close to me, sex isn't important to him, but he does want to chill out and watch movies with me and have me continue to treat him in the same affectionate and loving manner. There's no emotional relationship, no physical relationship, but yet he claims to love me and want a future with me. | Husband doesn't want sex and doesn't feel close to me. But "loves" me and wants to watch movies together? |
t3_z4nv0 | relationships | [25m] Finally found a Muse, but at the wrong time? | I have no one to talk to about this, so I figured I'd make this throw away account to ask you guys what to do... Any sort of insight is greatly appreciated.
It's been two years since my last girlfriend and I broke up. To say that I took the break up badly would be an understatement. After the break up (which I initiated) I went through a crippling depression for about six months. Ever since then I have been pretty jaded when it came to women. I've had several FWB since then but never found anyone I seriously wanted to date, until about three weeks ago. I met a girl who blew me away. I hung out with her for the first time recently and she is honestly the living embodiment of my dream girl. Everything about her just makes me melt, I can't even find the words to describe it. I like her so much that I almost don't want to talk to her, in fear of things going badly for one reason or another and then me going through another depression. I have a real problem of falling too hard too fast. It's something I have not had to deal with in quite some time. The problem is that I finally got my life on track after derping around for a few years. I'm honestly terrified that if I start to date this girl and it goes wrong that I will easily slip back into that depressive state and ruin everything that I've worked so hard to fix. But on the other hand I don't think I will find a girl like this one again... Please help me Reddit I need your words of wisdom now more than ever. | Single for 2 years after bad break up, finally found someone I really like but am afraid I may fuck up my future because of it. |
t3_wz4dd | AskReddit | I have a kind of tricky one for you guys (and there's a catch) ! | So say I had a really close friend growing up (I promise it's not me, that's important to the story) who was abused by nearly everyone he came across. By the time he was 14 he couldn't function in a school environment, he was far too angry and violent. He had outbursts all the time and his dad put him on medication and didn't tell anybody. Turns out he was stealing it from local pharmacies after hours.
My friend finally escaped, but shortly after he did, his father followed after him. While fleeing, his father drove into a ditch and was nearly killed. My friend got far enough away that he will now be next to impossible to find.
Remember, this is all hypothetical. It's a thought exercise.
Now, the reason my friend finally decided to cut and run was because his wretch of a father murdered his girlfriend in their home after she threatened to rat him out to police for continuously breaking into their neighbors homes to support his raging drug habit.
Long sentence.
Anyway, the girlfriend was found with a broken neck in the bathtub and the husband crying on the floor. House looks fine, no skin under his nails, no signs of foulplay, two teenaged boys in their rooms that look innocent enough.
From the beginning, my friend knew it was his father. His father knew he knew. He got out as quickly as he could.
The question:
Hypothetically speaking, should he alert the police? This raving madman is after him still with a shattered pelvis, and my friend is honestly starting to get scared.
The catch I mentioned is this: he's got a criminal record (mostly nonviolent offenses and some assault charges) about a mile long. He is a delinquent, but he's not a bad person. He's like a pit bull that's been locked in the closet for too long. He's hungry and he's tired and he's defeated after all this shit.
So what should he do? | Pretend Friend on the lam from his dad, who killed his girlfriend in a drunken rage -- what do, reddit? Alert red and blues? Contact lawyer? Vigilante justice? |
t3_3hc77m | relationships | I [23f] suspect my neighbors, [late 20s, early 30s F/M] are abusing their daughter [8? 9? F] | I recently moved in with some friends, and next door there's a couple with a young child. At first it seemed like they were down on their luck: the mom (Jen) works a shitty job in fast food and the dad (Dave) seems like a deadbeat -- drinks all the time, passes off the parenting to a cell phone or TV set. As I got to know Jen and her daughter, Chloe, more it seemed like there were more problems than just a shitty sperm donor.
A little while ago, we were sitting outside together (my roommates, myself, Jen, and Chloe) and Chloe was just chattering away as little girls do. Going on and on about makeup and how much she loves it, and how daddy told her this or that recently. I was only sort of paying attention until she started talking about how much she loved cover up and how some cover ups don't do a good job of covering everything -- why does a little girl need that? And why does she know so much about applying it? Jen doesn't wear a lot of makeup, so she didn't learn by watching her.
Then Chloe pulled her shirt down a little bit, revealing a HUGE bruise by her collarbone. It scared me shitless. I don't know what to do, because kids are clumsy and I don't want to assume the worst... But Jen and Dave are always screaming at the poor girl. Chloe is always screaming at her parents and crying most days.
The most complicated part is Jen and Chloe are related to my landlord. I think Jen is the granddaughter? Or other close relation? I don't know how to contact CPS anonymously and is a single bruise, crying, and a strong gut feeling enough of a reason to call? I know that kids are clumsy, shit I have bruises I can't explain! Kids are also loud and cry over the most random things. I don't want to create tension when there's no reason to.
Jen loves her daughter, that I can tell, but Dave doesn't really go outside or interact with us in any way so I just don't know. | I think my neighbors are abusive to their daughter, but I don't think I have enough evidence to go to CPS and I don't want to create unwarranted conflict |
t3_232evd | relationships | My girlfriend (22,F) just broke up with me (22,M) after a year of dating. When we met we both worked together and she just got out of a 6 year relationship. | She has two kids with her ex and he has been trying to get her back for the whole year her and I were together. He is the one that
provides a home for the kids while she hasn't gotten a place for herself.
She would stay at my house a lot of the time and go back to her ex's house to watch and see the kids. Sometimes she would stay the night there but I completely trusted her. Midway through our relationship we broke up for a week because she said she was stressed and couldn't handle the situation anymore. We got back together and she admitted to sleeping with him on our "break." I was heartbroken but we worked through it and continued the relationship.
Everything seemed to be going perfect and we were talking about getting a house together and starting our lives with eachother. It seemed like out of nowhere where she had kind of a breakdown and said we couldn't be together right now because she needed to figure out and get her life in order. She says she still loves me and I still love her more than anything in this world. I imagined spending the rest of my life with this girl I don't care about any of the "baggage" she has, that doesn't matter to me. I am lost of confused and want her back. | GF of 1 year has 2 kids with ex of 6 years broke up with me because she said she needs to figure her life out and get it in order. I want her back |
t3_hs9ou | AskReddit | What's the deal with monogamy? | I'm doing a study abroad for the summer and my boyfriend is doing an internship out of state. We've been together for a total of about 6 years with a 3 year break in the middle. We live together, we are very happy, and plan on getting married in the next 2-3 years. People constantly ask me how we handle long distance (we've spent 10 of the last 24 months states apart) and my girlfriends ask me often if I'm worried about him cheating on me.
I've considered it and I don't really care. If I never found out about it and no one we knew ever knew about it, then I would have no problem with him sleeping with other people (barring std's of course) | Do you cheat? If your significant other did cheat on you, and there was no way you would ever find out would you want them to tell you? |
t3_1nvrpd | relationships | Me [20F] with my defacto SO [23M] ofa few months, friends with a [17F] he slept with and I can't cope | Essentially, they've been friends for a long time, and they've slept together a few times.
We've been together for about 2 months, with a 2 week break in between.
When he and I broke up briefly, she was right there with him, getting drunk and sleeping in the same bed because she said she was "too drunk to go home", but later hinted that it was a ploy to get in his pants.
She has always fantasized over him because he is older, and he was her "knight in shining armour" when her life was dark. I understand that and don't blame her.
---
They're good friends now (apparently platonic, although she has told me that he keeps flirting and making passes, but she "respects the relationship too much to hurt me". (Which just makes me think that if i wasn't here, she's be all over him like bees on honey.)
She's otherwise a lovely person, and I feel awful for feeling this way, but I just can't be okay with it, no matter how hard I try to just get over it. What should I do?
Keep trying to bite my tongue? say something? continue drinking? | she wants him, he's wanted her in the past, and I can't keep biting my tongue. what can i do? |
t3_1h5tvf | relationships | [22M]I'm hurt by [19F]girlfriend's decision to go on a vacation without me. | [22M]Me and my [19F] girlfriend have been going out for almost a year now, and we've had our ups and downs and rough spots. She's lied to me multiple times in the past and has left me with a little bit of a trust issue. Recently she's been given the offer by a high school friend of her's to go interstate for her friend's university's orientation, which I've had described to me as essentially a party week. When she first brought it up I expressed interest in going, about a week later I said that I'd come to a conclusion that I'd love to go with her. She said that she'd ask her friend if that was OK, as she was putting her up for her stay.
Then a week later, yesterday, I asked her if I could come, if she had asked her friend if I could stay with her. She told me that it would be rude to ask her if I could come up. She said that it wasn't that she didn't want me to go, she said she didn't want to be rude. This hurt me, I didn't think it would be such a big deal, but it hurt me. Am I being irrational in thinking I should be able to go on a vacation with her? Is it OK to go on vacations without your SO, that they want to?
I feel like if I was to go on a vacation to one of her favourite cities and left her out she'd be deeply hurt, but she doesn't seem to realize that this hurts me. | Girlfriend is going interstate for a university orientation "party" week and essentially does not want me to come with her, because she think's asking would be rude. |
t3_37b48n | relationships | Me [23M] with a 'friend' [23F] of a couple months...how to take it further (may have accidentally friend zoned myself) | Hi guys,
My background- came out of a long term relationship 8 months ago, this is the first girl (other than a fling) since my breakup. I've been lucky enough to never had to chase a girl, my last 2 relationships they chased me....but that leaves me clueless in this area now.
Met this girl through Facebook essentially (did meet her once in person before Facebook, through a friend).
Started off always liking each others posts/photos regardless of the content. Then started commenting on posts. Then started talking on fb messenger every week or two, then day or two then it became daily and eventually throughout day from being awake to sleep...that kind of thing.
By this point we figured we may as well hang out too, so we caught up one weekend for a few drinks, then the next week we did the same and I ended up staying at hers since I had too many to drive. Nothing happened as we both fell asleep from too many drinks/tired. We did end up spooning though until the morning when I had to go.
That was last weekend. We spoke all day every day until today, I feel she may be losing interest now? I don't know to be honest. I'm worried she may have thought because last weekend nothing happened between us, that I think of her as just a friend which I don't want to happen, and her end up her treating me as a friend. Or the alternative is that I've always just been a friend. I'm unsure.
How do I handle this? any tips on what to say or do so I can get an idea on what is going on? should I message her again (she never replied to my last message yesterday) | I think I friend zoned myself, how do I speak to this girl to take it further or find out if she's interested in me and worth pursing? |
t3_1z7gvo | relationships | How do I (26/F) kindly make my boyfriend (25/M) stop doting on me and assuming I expect more from him than I really do? It creates unnecessary tension. | He works at a car dealership, and I suspect it's just a matter of bringing home his work habits. We've been together for over a year, and it feels like he can never just chill with me. If I, say, ask for a glass of water, he'll offer a glass of juice, and just ramble the fuck on about it. I clench my teeth and decline because he's just being the lovely man I met, but enough already. It's evolved into him assuming I want more than what I've asked for, and he gets frustrated with his own assumptions.
I'll ask him to grab a few groceries on the way home, and he'll make himself angry ASSUMING that I don't like what he bought. I'll just stand there straight faced like, okay ... I didn't say anything about the hotdogs. I like the hotdogs. Can you just be quiet and let me eat my hotdogs without trying to upgrade me to a newer model?! Is it his subconscious telling him to find a more high-maintenance girl or something? | My boyfriend won't stop selling himself long after I've proven that he makes me more than happy, and he's the cause of his own frustrations. |
t3_2h9ey3 | relationships | I'm (26M) not holding onto past relationship but my gf (29F) doesn't believe me | I currently am in a relationship with a girl that I love to death. I can honestly imagine myself marrying and having children with this girl.
She absolutely hates my ex. She has never met her though. I can't blame her though because my ex did screw me over and took advantage of me throughout our relationship.
I know I am completely over my ex. I would rather be celibate than get back with her. My current girlfriend doesn't believe that though.
We had an argument and long story short, I basically said that I would defend my ex in a particular situation which led to me saying I don't think 100% negative about my relationship with my ex. There were times when it wasn't terrible. My current gf said that I was holding on to my ex and even if there were positive times in that relationship, her being a shitty person and doing shitty things in the relationship makes the entire relationship shitty.
I don't feel like I'm holding onto anything. I would only hold onto the positive times with my relationship with my ex if I wanted to get back with her or maintain some kind of relationship with her, which I don't. I don't want to associate myself with her at all. I'm just saying that I don't think it is entirely bad to think 100% horribly about an ex. Yes, it is bad that I defended my ex in an argument with my current gf because she is a shitty person, but just because I don't think 100% negative about my relationship with my ex, doesn't mean I'm holding onto that relationship.
Am I wrong in thinking that way? | completely over my ex. Current gf doesn't believe me because I don't think 100% negative about very shitty relationship with the ex. I don't see why you have to see 100% negative. |
t3_1cuegy | relationship_advice | [24/f] bad timing with good friend [27/m] | I don't know what to do. We have worked together for the past two and a half years, and now I'm leaving to work elsewhere. We are still really good friends, but he has a girlfriend and I just got out of a five year relationship. My ex and I have broken up twice over the past two years, and even he and his gf have broken up once. So when I was single, he wasn't, and when he was single, I wasn't. But we both ended up getting back with our SO. We flirt a lot and he always compliments me. He is truly one of my best friends and my feelings for him are very strong. I will probably never tell him out of respect for his relationship (and I'm leaving anyway), but I almost want to just to see his reaction. When we go out together he treats me like a date, and even some of our female coworkers have told me they think he likes me. Neither of us have ever said anything to the other about it... it's almost a don't ask, don't tell situation. We have a great friendship, but I can't help but want more. I just don't know if I should tell him or just enjoy my friendship with him, as difficult as that it. What should I do?? | I really like my guy friend but he has a gf and I just left a LTR. Should I tell him how I feel? |
t3_4xrnut | tifu | TIFU by trying to charge my phone | So, I left my phone charger I normally use at a friends house a few days ago. I've been meaning to get it back but in the meantime, I've been using the one I keep in my car, bringing it back and forth depending on if I'm driving or in my house. Well, earlier tonight my phone needed a charge so I went out to my car to get my charger. This is where I get stupid.
You see, yesterday I bought pot for the first time from a friend. I've smoked a little bit this summer and wanted to have one last sesh Monday before stopping when I go back to college. I put the stuff in my backpack, and put that backpack in my trunk. It smelled really strong when I got it, so when I was grabbing my charger tonight I wanted to see if it still smelled. I go ahead and open the trunk, put the stuff I was holding down, and inhale the dank aroma that's still there. I then proceed to close the trunk. Without grabbing my stuff. That I put down in the trunk. "My stuff?" The phone charger, yes, but more importantly my keys. I locked my keys in my trunk with the charger and my weed backpack. Now I'm pretty fucked because I have no idea where the spare is and will have to ask my dad, who upon smelling the weed will kick my ass into oblivion. | went to get charger out of car, instead locked it in the trunk with my keys and really dank weed I was hiding. |
t3_3uodv4 | relationships | I [17 F] am extremely afraid of physical intimacy. Please help | Ok so this is really hard to talk about but basically I am extremely afraid of intimate physical romantic relationships and I do not know how to overcome it.
I am a senior in high school and all my friends have been dating throughout but I never seemed to get around to it. Most of my life I was extremely insecure and self conscious but about last summer I gained confidence and now feel a lot better about who I am and how I look. However, still the thought of being physically or romantically intimate worries me.
I know I am extremely young but I feel very alone. Most of my friends have a SO and I want one but the thought of being so physically intimate scares me and I don't know why. I have only ever kissed a boy once. Not trying to sound like an asshole but I feel really confident in how I look and I always receive many compliments and I have many close friends.
I have done some research on this fear of physical intimacy and it appears its normal especially coming from strained family relationships like I have. However, I just wonder how to move past it and find someone. | I am super super lonely but extremely afraid of the aspect of physical intimacy in relationships. How do I get over this? |
t3_xb014 | AskReddit | I'm 23 battling anxiety/depression with no friends or someone to confide in. Reddit, how do you make friends when you're too afraid to? | I'm 23 and I have been battling bouts of depression and anxiety all my life. The last time I had a close group of friends to hang out was before my father died in elementary school. Since then I have had only one or two close friends and no "cliques" to belong to. I never get invited out and don't have a solid core group of friends. This leaves me feeling depressed almost every day. I started a job with a ton of people my age thinking I could make friends and still I have not gained a single friend outside of work. I don't get invited out to social gatherings anymore with them. The only person I can confide in is my boyfriend, but I feel like more of a burden than anything.
Reddit please grace me with your advice to make friends and how to keep them. I have a bad habit of not talking to people for long periods of time because of school and work. I just want to get invited out to social gatherings for once in my life. I don't want to throw another party and have no one show up. | Although I work with many people my age, I cannot seem to make any friends and worry about it almost every day to the point of depression. |
t3_21jn0r | tifu | TIFU by imitating my dick coworker. | So, just about am hour ago (yes, I'm still freaking out) I was talking with a coworker/friend about another coworker that we mutually dislike for being a snide asshole. The snide coworker and I were talking about a Facebook post that I had made regarding my 3-year-old cousin who was recently diagnosed with cancer.
He had asked me about it and I said "Yes, the doctors found a cancerous cell."
The snide coworker snidely remarked "Oh yeah? Was it cancerous? HYUCK HYUCK HYUCK!" Thinking he was being funny and edgy or some shit. It pissed me off, but I didn't say anything.
An hour later, my friend coworker shows up because he was just passing through and we talked. I told him about the snide coworker's shitty remark and as I was imitating snide coworker, a lawyer (who works in the building) walked by as I was imitating "Oh yeah, was it cancerous? HYUCK HYUCK HYUCK!" The lawyer gave me the death stare and walked out.
At that moment, it clicked. That lawyer is currently undergoing chemotherapy and I didn't recognize him because he now wears a hat because he is self-conscious about his hair-loss. I feel horrible, didn't get a chance to apologize and explain myself and now I am fully expecting some harsh repercussions from my boss tomorrow. My boss is a very frantic man with no capacity to understand the context. | Imitated an asshole coworker that was passive-aggressively making fun of my cousin, who has cancer. Man with cancer walks by and hears the worst of it and assumes I was being the dick. |
t3_2vxrac | relationships | How can I (F19) stop being so dependent on my SO (M19) for happiness? | So, he's not exactly my SO. We've been on/off for the past few years, and as of right now we're off. It's been this way since last year because of the distance that was put between us because of college. However, distance next year wouldn't be much of an issue because I'm transferring schools.
Anyway, I'm not the type of person who has a tight-knit group of girl friends. I've always had one best friend and a few other friends that I like to hang out with. Because of this, my SO became my best friend. He knows everything about me, and I'm closer to him than anyone else.
My first semester alone, my paternal grandmother died (my first experience with death), my parents announced their divorce, and my maternal grandfather moved home with my parents. My maternal grandfather used to live in the same city I go to school in, so I would see him every week.
Because of all of these things happening at once, I've become very reclusive, and I feel very alone. I find myself wishing I was at home every night rather than being here at school. So, I find myself relying heavily on my SO for comfort and happiness. I wish so badly I could be a confident person who doesn't rely on anyone for anything, but that's just not how things have turned out to be. | Because of a lot of family drama and being away from home, I'm extremely sad all the time and rely on my SO for comfort and happiness. |
t3_2e0wq5 | tifu | TIFU by trying to being a good Samaritan | So, I live by a University and I just got back from the gym not too long ago and I just got scammed. As I roll up to my parking spot, I make eye contact with an African American male who was probably in his 30's. As I park and start to count out my change for the parking-meter, I notice he is walking directly towards me. He then tells me he needs a jump cause his car died during the rainstorm that had just occurred and his wife and little girl were waiting for him. Being the good guy I am (even tho my AAA guy told me to never jump anyone) I told him to hop in and I would go jump his vehicle. He tells me his name is Carlos, and his car is just down the street.
Fast forward 10 minutes, we have driven a couple of miles and Carlos changes the story and starts telling me how he thinks it's a fuel problem and not a battery problem. Blah, blah, blah, he isn't from around here and needs twenty bucks for gas. He swears to me he will meet me back where I saw him in two hours time with the money. He hands gives me an ID, which probably wasn't even his, and tells me, "I can hold on to it to make sure he comes back".
I tell him he seems like a nice enough guy, so I declined to take his ID...Anyways, I wasn't sure where my phone was, so I gave him my number without getting his. I dropped him off about 5 miles from where I started off. Ended up foolishly waiting for him for an exra 30 minutes after my workout even though I knew he wasn't gonna call. | Told a guy I would jump his car. He then tells me he needs 20 bucks for gas instead. I drop him off at what I imagine was his drug dealers house, and never hear from him again. |
t3_3tgc8f | askwomenadvice | Awesome relationship with my wife, but infrequent (albeit fantastic) sex | I feel like there might be something I'm missing, so I hope you all don't mind if I drop in here for a minute. I'll do my best to be brief.
As noted in the title, I (M, 45) have a really great relationship with my wife (F, 40) but I'm at a loss when it comes to our sex life. At this point, we're intimate, on average, every two weeks, and it's driving me a little crazy. When we do have sex, we fuck like teenagers, and she's totally uninhibited with regards to dirty talk, kinks, whatever. Then it's at least another two weeks before she's up for sex again. I've considered that her libido might just have dropped off, but isn't that contradictory to her unbridled enthusiasm when we DO have sex? We've been together for about 19 years and, aside from the first two years or so, this is how things have been. We have such a great relationship that this is not a dealbreaker, but I have to find a way to address it before I lose my mind.
There might be some questions about my part in all this, so hopefully, I can head them off. Duties in our house are pretty much split down the middle, and we make each other aware constantly how much we appreciate the other's effort. I've talked to her in detail about how important I think intimacy is in a marriage and my frustration around this whole thing. The last talk was 3 months ago, and as usual, she said that she totally saw my point of view and she agreed. Then nothing changed. My attempts to sext her or touch her in a sexual way during a "drought" are usually met with an eye roll, or no response, or just a dismissive giggle. I'm a loving husband and an engaged dad. I even treat my MIL with kindness and respect, so this is all a huge mystery to me. | I couldn't ask for a better partner to spend my life with, but the infrequent mindblowing sex is driving me batty. |
t3_54eykv | personalfinance | What is an appropriate raise % to ask for in my situation? | This is my first professional adult job and I've been working as a physical therapist for exactly one year now with this company. When I was initially hired I settled for less money than I had hoped for because I was desperate and they told me this was their "new graduate rate". I make $65,000 per year with 18 PTO days but no 401k matching, no continuing education reimbursement and no tuition reimbursement. I know all my coworkers make 70k+ and basically were shocked when they found out my salary.
The Bureau of labor statistics puts the median salary for a PT at $84,020 (but in my opinion it's a little lower than that for hospital PTs as compared to home health or nursing facilities). I live in Brooklyn NY and the cost of living is very high here.
I do love my job and want to stay here, but am prepared to look for a new job if we can't come to an agreement on my raise. I know that typically my company gives 5% raises to anyone who askes for one at their yearly review (from what my co-workers have told me).
So my thinking is to ask for a 10% raise to increase my salary to $71,500. My reasoning is that I've really surpassed the new graduate level pay grade that I was hired in at and have gained a lot of experience and skills this past year. I am furthering these skills at continuing education classes as well. I have amazing reviews and reports from my patients, supervisors and colleagues. The chief doctor on my floor always has glowing things to say about me. In all honesty my goal is to get 70k but I am overshooting as I expect them to negotiate it down.
PF in your opinion is my raise request good or too high/low? | I make 65k and I want to ask for a 10% raise to increase to 71,500. Is this too high or too low? |
t3_18iwk5 | relationships | I [24F] just started dating a guy [30M] and things are going a little fast for me, cant get straight answers... | I met thig guy online on a dating site. We texted mostly and we kinda stopped talking until the New Year, and I decided its time we meet. So we get together, everything is cool, and he starts with the whole "want to be my girlfriend" thing. 1. this is a little weird coming from a 30 year old, and 2. I just met this guy. I tell him he doesnt know me, yadda yadda yadda, and we end up going on another date. This guy is really sweet and kind, and I like him a lot, but he keeps saying weird things to me. A little backstory, I have REALLY low self-esteem, but I try not to show it; it usually comes out if people compliment me and I turn super bashful. He is a BIG complimenter; to the point where I think hes feeding me lines. Anyway, he showed me a picture his buddy posted to facebook of a girl in a tee shirt and panties, typical guy stuff, saying to me "we should post stuff like this to raise your self esteem". no. Just, no. I dont need that, and I tried to explain it to him, and he pushed back a little. I dropped it, but I keep getting little red flags from him like that. He is really sweet, and I like him a lot, surprisingly, but I dont know if I should continue with him. On a similar note, I asked what he wanted out of the relationship, if he wanted to date long term or what, and the only answer I get is "I want whatever you want; I want to make you happy and to keep you around" which is sweet, bit its not how relationships work. | really sweet guy, practically perfect for me proposing strange semi-nude ideas, wont give me a straight answer about what he wants out of the relationship; Dont want drama and dont know if I should continue dating him |
t3_4nhkx5 | personalfinance | Was told I should ask for help with finances here. | I will admit this is from a dissussion here.
>>$458 per month to max an IRA isn't "easy" by any stretch of the imagination, not to mention adding in $1458 per month to max the TSP. I don't know many people who have 2K every month just to kick around.
>
>That's $1916
>
>You don't make that till you are a spc or a pfc at over 2 years. Then thats also only giving you $100-$200 a month for anything else. Phone bill +$50-$100. What about if you want tv in your barracks? Tv+ internet + another $50-$100. Now you need to be an e5 at 2 years or spc at 4 years to be able to max both. Car payment because you didn't own a car before the army, so you don't have to rely on other people all the time? +$200 at least.
>Unless you want to sit in your B's doing absolutely nothing or walk to the mwr for entertainment just to save up to buy a pizza once a month or to buy a uniform cause you ripped a pair of pants and clothing allowance isn't for another 9 months then it's almost impossible to max tsp and ira as a single enlisted soldier until you have been in at least 4+ years. | in the furthering comments, op is stating spending around $400 on bills is too much. Including Cell phone, tv/internet, and a car payment. |
t3_4yqtad | relationships | I [23, F] have started using again. Not sure if I should tell my BF [22, M] | Not heroin or meth.
I've taken benzodiazepines, antidepressants and other medications for over 7 years for severe generalized anxiety. After receiving ECT in last year, my anxiety and depression have gotten a lot better and I've been able to lower SIGNIFICANTLY my consumption of benzos to the point where I was almost quitting. Life had been good.
My partner (2.5 years) has always been very supportive and had always expressed how proud he was and hopeful that I was learning to manage my anxiety with other methods other than these medications (high risk of addiction and abuse).
However, last week I had a major bump in my life that I've felt like has completely thrown me off: I found out he might be cheating on me, although what has happened points to a misunderstanding rather than an actual infidelity. Regardless, I feel like my world was shaken and at the moment I'm back to taking the medication on a regular basis to the point where I'm almost sedated all day to avoid flipping out or "drown" in angst.
I know eventually my partner will find out I'm back using these medications, but I don't want to make it seem as if I were blaming him or making him responsible for my relapse, shit just happened. | After tapering off from benzodiazepines, an infidelity misunderstanding made me relapse and I'm consuming them again. Don't know if I should tell my partner because I don't want to hold him responsible for it. |
t3_3n1eep | relationships | How to get over a break up alone? | It was a 4 year relationship. I [23M] had let her [22F] down so many times that when we finally split up in May she was able to move on relatively quickly. I stayed on the fence.
Like always, I was two weeks late. We started talking again and she wanted to get back together and I was still unsure. By the time I decided I wanted to be with her she had already started talking to someone else. This time, she's done for good.
During the midst of this I decided to confront my depression. I started a medication that started giving me severe side effects. A couple days in on the medication she moved back home and told me it's time to move on and we don't belong together.
I realized I was about to have a complete mental break down so I dropped everything and went back home as well. By the time I got home I started having anxiety attacks and ended up staying in bed for about 3 days.
My parents are there to listen but can't really support me much. My mother works 2 jobs and my dad has severe PTSD. I literally only have one friend who has a really busy life so I only get to see her maybe once a week. I know a common suggestion is therapy but my family therapist retired and I really don't want to start seeing a new one.
I don't know what to do. | 4 year relationship, started depression medication /w side effects, ex said it's done for good this time, moved back home, have no one. |
t3_21jxy0 | dating_advice | How to make a good impression on the guy I like? | Backstory:
The guy I really like right now is a good friend of mine, we're both part of a really close friend circle. We see each other all of the time, and hang out as a group at least once a day. We've hung out a few times just the two of us, but it hasn't been very much.
Last week, we were studying together, and one thing sort of led to another and we ended up making out. He seemed really into and was reciprocating, but got a little weird afterwards. The next day we met up to talk about what happens, and here is where the situation gets complicated.
He's not ever really had a girl pursue him, and he's never really pursued a girl. Think a young dude, knows next to nothing about girls. Nice guy though! But we're talking, and he admits that, while he thinks of me like a big sister, there is still an amount of attraction there.
So, we decided to keep hanging out and getting to know each other, to see if we like each other more than just sort of. I mean, I know I do, but I'm not exactly going to turn down the situation when there's a possibility.
The catch is that now I need to put my best foot forward, and I'm so bad at that. Really awkward, but thankfully I'm about a 7/7.5 so I can get away with minor stuff. What can I do to be understanding about the taking it slow, but also being flirty without being too flirty? | I like a friend and he doesn't know how he feels about me, what can I do to keep us from being too friendly and not flirty? |
t3_29ihfx | tifu | TIFU by helping my mum view a picture message | This actually happened last year but here's what happened:
My mum is quite bad with technology and has a really old mobile from 2005. She got a picture message but needed to go to a website to view it so she asks me to get it up on my laptop. I say it's fine and we go to the website to view it, I type in the code and we're logged in. There were a list of pictures to choose from but it didn't show you them until you clicked on them, I say we should just start from the bottom and work our way up until we find it. I click on the bottom photo and what comes up? A fucking dick pic. We both freeze, my mum gasps and I quickly move to the next picture which was the one she wanted me to get up. We didn't say anything else and it was so awkward it felt like we were sitting there for an hour in silence. She then leaves and I notice a phone number next to the picture, it's my step dad's. | Mum wanted to view picture message on computer, among other ones sent to her I find a dick pic from my step dad. |
t3_2k33jc | relationships | I [21 M] feel terrible being married [21 F] and browsing gonewild as much as I do. Should I? | I have been married for 2 years, and I absolutely adore my wife. She is an amazing woman, and I have absolutely no regrets or problems in our marriage. Our sex life is incredible, but I feel guilty. While I was deployed to Afghanistan, a friend showed me r/gonewild, (this was even before I was married) and after that I browsed it pretty much every day.
My wife classifies watching porn or looking at porn by myself cheating. I feel like I can't tell her I browse daily, but I find myself unable to stop browsing. I don't browse gonewild to really look at other women in lust, but sometimes I just feel like its second nature to go and look. I feel bad, but I really don't know if I should. Just wanted some opinions. | I look at gonewild a lot, my wife doesn't condone "porn" or anything, and I feel bad that I've been doing it for so long it's almost second nature. Am I in the wrong? |
t3_2lr7wg | relationships | I [26 M] broke up with my girlfriend [23 F], wondering whether I didn't give the relationship a chance | We had been seeing each other for two months. It was a blissful, wonderful, sweet romance.
We are of different nationalities, from different social classes in our respective nations, and we are both immigrants in a third country. We met at work (new jobs for both, earlier this year) and clicked, and started dating two months ago. The relationship has been beautiful. I trust her, and I'm open with her; we have the kind of personalities that get along very well. But it was gradually becoming quite obvious to me that we are used to very different things in life and have very different interests and hobbies.
The breaking point is that I've wanted to go abroad for grad school, she wants to stay here for the mid-to-long term. Given the kind of work I want do, I expect to be a bit of a global nomad until much later in life; whereas I think she wants stability. It seemed as if our paths were taking us in separate directions. I've been worrying about this for a couple of weeks. I spoke to a friend, he said to let it lie. But I didn't want to string her along when I had doubts, so I told her about them last night.
I wasn't sure that I would be sticking around very long term, so we both agreed to stop seeing each other.
The thing is, I can see myself staying in this country if things don't work out elsewhere. And I do care for this girl. Last night I came close to telling her I loved her. The only reason I didn't was because I also thought that a breakup was close, and it would be cruel to tell someone you loved them and break up at the same time. Now I think about all the things I didn't do with her and wonder whether it was a good decision at all to rush into this. Maybe I should have waited longer and given the relationship a real chance to grow? | Broke up with girlfriend of two months because thought we had too many differences. Wondering if didn't give relationship a chance. |
t3_2ellad | relationships | I'm [18 F] having difficulties trusting my boyfriend [20 M], though we've been dating for 7+ months. | Recently I invaded his private Facebook account and found a collection of sexual comments to ladies via private messages before and during our dating period. I had confronted him about it the next chance I could, from being hurt, and he called it quits. After acknowledging I was wrong, talking it out, we agreed it was not over between us. Days went by and I slowly regained his respect as a girlfriend. The catch was, he admitted to sexting a few ladies for the first few months of our relationship. In a heartbeat, I agreed to forgiving him and we have been continuing our dating period. Now, close to two weeks after the dispute I am finding myself being less trustworthy of him. I am very confused, alone and having trouble digesting this all. Should i have been so up and willing to trust my boyfriend? Is it okay to be frightful of him? Do I deserve what I looked for? | After snooping through my boyfriend's facebook, I found he sexted friends before and while dating me at the beginning few months and am now having difficulties trusting him. What is your two cents, reddit? |
t3_h2xs7 | relationship_advice | Attempting to move on. | **Preface:** 2 months ago the longest relationship of my 20 year old life came to an end. I had dated the same girl for almost three years and she was the only person I ever said that I loved. I thought I did. But as things change, our relationship ended abruptly. I was hurt and I have since wanted to just move on.
This did not seem like a difficult task at first. But each day proved more difficult. Thoughts became more frequent. I began to associate almost everything in my possession with her. This all recently changed.
**NOW:** I was in math class and noticed a girl sitting in the front row. She instantly struck me. She was cute, but in the quiet way. She did not start conversation with others. Something about her apathy towards interaction made me even more interested in her. I decided to move to a seat closer to her the next time we had class, right next to her to be exact. I noticed that she and I have many of the same mannerisms. While I have not spoken more than 10 words to this girl, my heart beats so quick when I see her or hear her. I get butterflies instantly, but I don't even know if she notices me.
**My Problem** is this: I have no clue how to approach this girl without being completely obvious. She is in two of my three classes and I would do anything to have her notice me, or even talk to me for more than a brief couple of seconds. | After being heartbroken I have found a girl that makes me feel things I have never felt before. She is quiet and I do not know how to approach her appropriately.*** |
t3_38jzq8 | personalfinance | First time home buyer, have some debts but too good of an opportunity to pass. Worth the risk? | Hello,
M[29] here and have been looking to buy my first house but under 5k credit card debt (CC utilization is 15%, 0% APR till Oct 2015). My take home income per month is $5k and have 8k in checking account. Ideally, I would like to wait till I clear my CC debt, build an emergency fund, save money for 20% down payment and then buy a house.
But there is this interesting opportunity to buy a house near an upcoming metro line (10 minutes walk) that connects to DC and the house prices will increase by around 20% in some years. That's what the research (of previously sold houses when the first phase of metro) suggest the same kind of price increase.
There are two houses in my mind, 1bed/1bath - with a 3% down, the mortgage would come to around $1600 per month which is what I pay as rent (utilities/parking included) in an upscale neighbourhood for a 1bed/1bath.
Option 2: 2bed/1bath - with a 3% down, the mortgage would be around $2100 per month. This will be a little stretch but will build me good equity in 5 years or so.
Both the properties are in the same community and should appreciate. I have received those Bank of America checks that have a 3% transaction fees and 0% APR for a year. Can I use them to cover the down payment and closing costs or I am thinking of receiving a gift from my parents and pay them back? Also, I would need to sublet my current apartment that I am on lease till November. | Credit Card debts, good income, 3% down, good opportunity to buy a house that will appreciate in some years. Worth the risk? |
t3_280cew | relationships | My (23F) boyfriend (25M) is sending extremely inappropriate messages on fb to his exes. Not sure what to do | So backstory.
We haven't been together long, only a month and a half. He was super sweet when we met, a friend of ours hooked us up. We seemed to kick it off so we got together. Within a few weeks, he got me pregnant.
When I told him, he was happy and excited and wanted to start a life with me and our coming baby. Was really sweet and understanding so far dyring the pregnancy, and he had been cheated on before so everyone thought he wouldn't be one to cheat.
Last night he left his facebook on at my house, and I was curious. So I looked and I saw his ex messaging him like crazy daily trying to tell him to leave me and go with her. Also, I found very vivid cybering between them. I called him and he just acted nonchalant like he didnt see what the big deal was. He jist laughed and passed it off. I was so upset and he didnt care.
This morning I saw another message with another girl. This one didnt have cybering, but he told this girl every night that he loves and misses her and said that when he visited her hed never leave, calling her sweety and beautiful and just talking to her like she was his girlfriend. When confronted all he said was that he doesnt mean those things and just says them to make the girls feel better. But it definitely seemed like he was instigating everything.
At this point, im hurt and confused and don't know what to. I wanted to make it work for the baby but I have been cheated on before and I dont think I should have to deal with it again. | My boyfriend and baby daddy is fb cheating on me with two of his exes, and doesnt see it as being bad or cheating. |
t3_1lu9zh | relationships | I [20F] am unsure of pursuing a relationship with him [21M] | I'm recently single and started seeing this guy as a rebound kind of thing, we have been friends for about five years so things went kind quickly and we slept together a few times. Anyway he went overseas for 3 months right after we got together (bad timing) and we barely spoke while he was gone. Now that I am over my break up and can see the situation with a clear mind, I realise I can't see a future with this guy, I'm not that attracted to him and he's really not someone I would normally date, so I'm discounting this situation to a rebound thing. However, he's just returned from this trip and expects us to pick up where we left off. In a way I want to because, honestly, I'm a bit lonely - but that's just it. Not because I want a future with him or anything like that, I'm really just a bit lonely.
If I choose not to date him, how should I tell him? | Not sure if I should date this guy, and if I choose not to, how do I break it to him? |
t3_ovif2 | relationship_advice | I think it's time to end my LTR. But I'm scared of losing my best friend. Help | F/21 in long term relationship with M/22. We have been together for 4 years.
I wasn't sure about the relationship when it first started; he was more into it than I was. I had some butterflies in the beginning of the relationship, but they disappeared after the first few months. I've never felt a passionate love for the duration of the relationship, but I love him dearly. He's my best friend. I think I've come to the realization that I love him, but am not 'in love' with him. I feel a completely dead feeling around him. And it's gotten to the point where I get annoyed when he tries to kiss me. I have lost all interest in sex. I feel we have nothing in common anymore (totally opposite likes and dislikes, I'm also starting to zone out while he talks), and we want different things in life/for our future. When I try to discuss our relationship with him, he takes it as a personal attack and shuts down; I've ended up just bottling in all my feelings and emotions because he won't listen. He ends up getting upset and I have to console him, even though I had been upset in the first place.
On the other hand, he cares about me a lot, he makes me laugh, and he is sweet. I consider him my best friend. I've been feeling the need to break up for a couple months now, and I think he senses something is wrong. I just feel so guilty because he hasn't really done anything wrong. He is very dependent on me and has lost touch with some friends, despite me encouraging him to contact them. It makes me scared to end the relationship because I feel like he's going to be all alone. His family isn't the most supportive either.
I guess this post was more to just let out my feelings. And also ask for some advice. I think I know what I have to do, but I felt like I needed an outsider's point of view. If anyone has gone through this before, I'd really appreciate if you could offer me advice as well. | I think it's time to end my LTR with my boyfriend of 4 years. But I'm scared of losing my best friend, and feel guilty that I'd be hurting him. |
t3_43gqf4 | relationships | My [21 M] new girlfriend [21F] of about a week thinks that it's okay to go out and grind on other guys... | Long story short, I've been official with this girl for about a week now. I know it hasn't been long at all but I'm in need of some advice. I met her 2 years ago and we hooked up a few times back then but nothing came from it. A month or so ago we started talking again and we ended up getting together. Now, we're pretty different when it comes to our social lives. She's an extrovert and likes to go out and dance and drink and all. I'm all for going out every once in a while and getting a bit buzzed but nothing major, and I tend to be an introvert, She's going out with some girlfriends tonight and it was revealed that she would be dancing and grinding with other guys. I told her that I wasn't comfortable with that but she didn't see where I was coming from. I told her that I thought it was a bit too promiscuous a thing to do as a girl in a monogamous relationship, and she disagreed. You're literally rubbing your ass on someone else's crotch, how is that not promiscuous? How is that okay? Idk if this is quite a deal breaker but it is damn sure close. It's pissing me off a lot but I don't want to get into an even bigger argument. | Girlfriend thinks it's okay to grind on other guys when she goes out, I don't think it is. What should I do about it?? |
t3_4kencv | self | Is there a way for me to retrieve emails sent to a gmail account that I just created? | Hey! I just realized I made a huge mistake. I've recently been job hunting and found it strange that I haven't been contacted by more employers. I recently got a call and had a great interview for a company that I really want to work for.
During the interview, the manager had told me that he thought that he emailed me some information but I never received it.
I got a call back from him today telling me that he would email me forms to complete my background check. I got suspicious after two hours of waiting and decided I would check my resume to see if maybe my email was wrong.(how could I mess that up, right?!)
My email address was off by one letter :(. I quickly made a new email address to accommodate the missing letter in hopes off recovering the lost email. There's nothing. | I missed a letter on the email in my resume and I just made an email account for it and I want to check for emails that may have been sent to it recently. |
t3_1puqqq | relationships | One of my [20M] best friend's [20M] gf [20F] tried to kiss me | Some preface, they have been dating for 3 years, and I am friend's with both of them. Full disclosure, I have always found his gf very attractive, but I would never act on it, now or ever.
It was at a club on Halloween, and I ran into his girlfriend and started chatting. She has always been touchy with me, but today it was a lot more than usual. Anyway I started to leave cause I wanted chat up a cute vampire, but she kept following me, holding my hand and just hanging on to me in a way she shouldn't be.
I let go of her, confronted her and asked if her and her boyfriend were doing okay cause of the way she was acting. She broke down into tears and told me that they just broke up an hour before AT THE CLUB! and proceeded to cry on my shoulder. Well theres go my night, I thought, but I figured I'd be nice and comfort her for a bit and that's when it happened, she leaned in and I basically fell down avoiding her, then grabbed her hand and took her to my friend and told him that he needs to handle her since she was a mess and I got the hell out of there.
I hung out with my friend the next day and we talked about the break up and I basically was there for him, but I never brought up the fact that she tried to kiss me.
My question is, do I tell me friend? or just keep this a secret? He is the jealous type and might get mad if he ever finds out. | friends gf tried to make a move on my immediately after the breakup, turned her down. Should I tell him? |
t3_3ecj2p | relationship_advice | [18/f] wants an open relationship with me [22/m] | About 2 weeks ago a coworker of mine told me she was had feelings for me after a recent breakup with her boyfriend. Her and I have always been great friends and I've for a while now, been that "one guy that comforted her" in every situation. I began actually liking her at a recent hike up a mountain and that's when she fell for me also. Thing is, I'm a virgin and due to religious/cultural standpoints, I'm at a crossroads. Yes, I do want to lose my virginity at this point but she doesn't want to take it from me because it means too much. Last night she told me she wants an open relationship with me and also tells me that she's sleeping with someone else but she doesn't really have feeling for him. At this point i felt like complete shit. I try to clarify the situation and ask her if I'm an "emotional fluffer" to her and that's all. She tells me that I'm there for her emotionally and she like me. a lot. but she wants sex and she's getting it from some other guy.
I feel absolutely useless and not at all like a man. I cant satisfy her at all because of who i am at the moment. I can't change that because she doesn't want to take my virginity. She's open to talking about ending it with her and just remain friends. I just don't know what to do. | We like each other (no relationship) but I'm a 22 year old virgin and she wouldn't want to take it from me. Has sex with another man she doesn't like but lusts. has me emotionally. |
t3_u2dua | dating_advice | Spent entire week with girl, made awesome connection, she has a boyfriend... | (I was asked to move this here by a Mod, I put it in the wrong Sub.)
Hello all, if more details are required, please tell me.
I am 20(M) and she is 20(F). I meet her a little over two weeks ago as we both attended a week long conference for school. We meet on day one and clicked right away. Throughout the entire week, we would sit beside of each other in the large meetings and typically sat together when they had large group meals, she was typically very flirty with me, and when we talked about spending time together after we got back she would smile, she actually was the first to suggest the idea. Now that we have gone our separate ways, still every time we talk she seems genuinely happy to hear from me. We talked all week long and I felt like I made a connection with her that I haven't made with someone in a very long time, and it felt great! I got to know her and she got to know me on a level that felt unnatural for only having known each other for a week.
Now for the bad side. While at this conference she mentioned she had a boyfriend. She didn't bring him up much at all and I did learn they haven't been together for very long, around 3 months or so.
Where I feel confused about is the way she behaved when we were together at the conference made me think she was interested, she had other friends there, yet chose to spend all of her time with me. Also, she recently told me that her and I should get together and I cook dinner for the two of us and then we watch a movie together. We have this planned and I am excited about it. I feel I may be looking into this to far, but home-cooked dinner and a movie sounds a lot like a date to me.
How could I react to this situation, and if I should not peruse anything beyond friendship, how can I deal with my attraction to her and her flirty behaviors?
Thank you! | Meet girl, spent entire week with her, made awesome connection, she has a boyfriend, she wants me to come to her place and cook her dinner and watch a movie just her and I. What do I do? |
t3_np9x2 | relationships | Do you think my boyfriend and I are ready to move in together? | My boyfriend (21) and I (21) have been together for 4 1/2 years.
Come the fall semester of 2012 I will be in my 5th (and final) year of a duel bachelor/masters engineering program. My boyfriend will be in the 2nd year of his masters engineering program at the same school.
All of my girlfriends (including my current room mates) are graduating this coming spring, so of course the question of where I will live next fall has come up.
My boyfriend and I want to try and find an apartment together. We spend all of our free time together at school anyway. We cook dinner, do homework, hang out, etc. To me and him, moving in together seems like the logical next step. We have been together for so long and get along so well. Another factor is that sharing an apartment would save money on student loans.
His parents are perfectly fine with the idea. My parents are not okay with the idea. They feel like I am too young to make the decision and need to focus on my school. In addition, a lot of my girlfriends are relatively conservative and think that moving in with a boyfriend is not the right thing to do if you aren't engaged or married. | I feel like I am ready to move in with my boyfriend, but my parents and girlfriends are making me second guess my judgement. |
t3_3epby4 | relationships | Me [21/M] wants to make this less awkward between me and my girlfriend [20/F] due to her first impression of me, advice? | A little bit about myself, I used to be a super introvert, and I opened up ever since, I only had 2 past relationships which lasted 2-3 years or more because I'm a guy who really looks towards the future and wants the relationship to last. After a few mishaps, I became closed up. Thing is, now that I'm with this new girl, I have sort of become this closet guy to her.
I have a reputation, and am quite known in where I live. She's a really open person, and thinks that because I seem super closed up and boxed up, plus my reputation, I don't want to ruin whatever "image" that I have. I don't give a fuck about my reputation when it comes down to this. I don't want to make things awkward between me and her and I really want to jump on her and you know, have a makeout session etc. But as much as I want to initiate it she will think it's really awkward of me to do so since I have left her this first impression.
Any advice on how u should go around this? I hate to not be able to take this relationship to a new level :(
Thanks! | Girlfriend wants to break the barrier between me and her but keeps sticking to her first impression that I'm a boxed up guy |
t3_2fcm2d | AskDocs | Nicotine & Caffeine Absorption: Inverse Relationship? | I just recently (Aug. 25th) quit smoking; I would say rather heavily so, a pack or so a day when it was possible financially. I am also a regular coffee drinker, usually averaging 2-3 cups a day. Very rarely do I go to 4.
I have noticed lately that my ability to process caffeine has dropped *substantially* (jittery and anxious after a cup or two of coffee, to the point of being uncomfortable and feeling minor chest pain), and I have read some preliminary information that would suggest that in the presence of nicotine, caffeine can be much more quickly processed. Is this due to my quitting smoking?
Other stats as requested:
Height/Weight: 5'9" 145 lbs.
Race: White
Existing medical issues: Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis, Ulcerative Colitis
Current meds: Clonazepam, 1 mg. daily for panic attacks | why do I suddenly feel like I'm having a heart attack (21 y/o male) after two or sometimes even one cup of coffee now that I've quit smoking? |
t3_26gzt5 | relationships | Between my boyfriend's [25/M] work and family I [F/22] feel like there's not enough time for us... | My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months and when we're together everything is perfect. BUT he has a job that takes him to surrounding cities so 85% of the time he's only home on the weekends.
Because his job has been taking him out of town so much he's temporarily moved back in with his family. They're not making him pay rent but he has to do yard work and stuff around the house one day out of the weekend he's home.
That gives us about one day a week together recently and I'm worried because I'm not sure how much better things will get time-wise. He works 15 hours a day so we don't talk on the phone much before he goes to sleep and then I see him once a week unless he's in town which happens rarely now...
I'm not clingy... but once a week hasn't been enough for me. He says he's thinking about getting an apartment so he can "reclaim" his weekends... Is there any way I can encourage this without being pushy?
He's someone I could probably spend my life with... but not if he plans on being at this job forever. Is it too early to worry about this? And he loves his job EXCEPT the fact that he can't see me much. I'm so torn. And I feel helpless to the situation.
I feel bad hoping that eventually he'll get sick of always being gone and working 15 hours a day and find a new job. | Boyfriend is perfect in nearly every way and we're great together but he hardly has any time to give me... I'm feeling a bit neglected and not sure what to do. |
t3_3pv5y8 | relationships | Me [22 M] with my 1-year [21 F] duration, out-of-college - in-college, when do I cut the string? | We started dating in college and I can't tell you how brighter life has been with this woman in my life. It's just been a side of life I've really taken to. I've had other girlfriends before, but they felt like responsibilities.
The thing is that this woman is tearing out my heart. She is just considerate to everyone except for me. I'm constantly marginalized and I go all out for this woman. We started so well. When I almost broke up with her for nearly ruining my job interview 6 months ago, she begged me for another chance and I'm so glad that I took it.
That said, she almost loathes me for having a job. I've referred her to my company, and spoken at length to management about her strengths. I've worked at a large bank for less than a year, so I can't exactly force the stars to align.
For instance, marginal stuff like her telling me that she will let me know she had a safe flight before she goes to the airport just falls through with no base-touching.
That seems like a fairly clear message to me. It's just that on one hand, I truly love being with this woman. On the other, how much of a liability am I creating by prolonging a relationship with someone who can't be assed to put an effort in?
I don't know if she will get a job in my city, but I really hope she does. | She love(s/d) me, I'm doing all I can to make it work. But what do people with experience with this think? |
t3_lw089 | college | I have no idea what I want to do with my life. | I'm a senior in high school and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. I know that's a common complaint among seniors but I'm terrified of ending up like my sister, who went to college for an english degree and isn't doing anything with it now. I don't want to get some general computer science degree like my mother is pushing and end up in a cubicle fixing computers every day. I'd like to be well-off but I don't want to be unhappy doing it. I'd rather be poor, but happy with what I'm doing than dread waking up every morning. Blah blah blah
I know that I want to always keep theatre in my life in some way, whether it's a hobby or part of my job, but I'm not trying to be an actor or anything. It'd be cool to open a theatre or an arts center or something. I'm rambling now.
My question is: how do I go about finding out what I want to do? Should I take a year off from school and work for a while/"find myself?" How much of a chance is there that I'll encounter something during that off year that would let me skip college altogether? How would a year off affect scholarships or chances of being accepted? | I don't know what I want to do with my life. How do I find out? Should I take a year off from school? |
t3_gdnhv | dating_advice | How can I stop making excuses and avoiding relationships? | I'm a good-looking 17 y.o. guy. I'm confident and good with people, so I have lots of friends of both sexes and quite a few girls have shown interest in me. When it comes to relationships, though, I can't get past some sort of wall in my head. I've hooked up with a few girls, but have never had a real relationship.
The past couple weeks, I've been talking to three girls, two of whom I'm almost certain want to go out with me. The third one is someone I've been friends with a long time, but we've been flirting lately. The problem is I can't bring myself to ask them out or really make any move that would take us beyond the realm of "friends" (however predicated on attraction that friendship is). Whenever I get close to being in a relationship, I tell myself I don't want to be in one, or I'm into someone else, or something else that I know is just an excuse, but is convincing enough all the same. If I had to guess why this is, I think I'm afraid to let someone know how I feel about them, even if I can see they are interested.
Any suggestions on how to deal with this? | I find reasons not to take things beyond "friends" even when I'm sure a girl's into me. Thoughts on why I might and how to get past this would be nice. |
t3_2m7tbx | relationships | Me [28 M] with my wife [23 F] 2y - Sometimes I feel I'm on the edge of doing something really stupid. | I'v been married for nearly 2 years. My wife never had sex till our honeymoon, which was very rough on us (especially her) since she learned she suffers from dyspareunia (painful intercourse). Took us about a good 6 months for her to finish therapy and then another 6 months to get over that hump to where we can have intercourse somewhat regularly. But if she is even the least bit stressed it makes it impossible to have sex. Even with all this her sex drive is basically none existent since she is still working on her masters degree.
I'm completely against cheating (I was once cheated on in the past) but lately I have been having so many fantasies/dreams over some other women in my life. The dreams are the worst since I wake up to these thoughts that linger through-out the whole day. I feel like a total asshole even thinking these thoughts. Once I laid in bed with my phone out to chat one of my ex's after having a dream over her. Took me 10m of back-and-forth thinking to finally put it away and not even go down that road.
It might seem extremely dumb/selfish, but the 2 women I dated in the past were very noisy during intercourse. Which is a 'huge' turn on for me. My wife just doesn't do this and has trouble getting off by intercourse alone because from the stress and issue she deals with. It's difficult for me to initiate sex when it is usually a 'not today' answer 90% of the time, or becomes sort of a failed attempt, or I just feel awkward during/afterwards. I've often thought of oral sex (I loved doing on past women) but she just isn't wanting to try it.
Besides all this, things have been going well besides typical stresses with work/life. My career is taking off and so is hers. I sometimes just have weeks I am unsure if I can get through them without doing something really stupid. Divorce is completely out of the question. I love her to death. Just sometimes feel I have no answers or solutions for this but just keep pushing forward. Sometimes the road seems bumpy and long. | Wife has some issues with intercourse and is very busy with her career. I'm pretty sexually stressed over it. Trying not do anything stupid. But sometimes urges are so unbearable. |
t3_43uyn7 | relationships | I'm [17/F] and I feel confused about relationships... | I feel like no person will want to date me.
I understand completely; I'm overweight and I don't have much time between two jobs and finishing high school but I want love to ya know?
I want to get on my feet on my own and I recently posted on an advice reddit about my problems and such, suffering from depression due to my fast food job.
I was thinking about trying to make a POF profile and started to but I felt guilty because I don't have the time at this point and my family would laugh if I tried to fit dating in with my busy schedule.
Comments are welcome :) | Is this going the right way? Confused about this part... Aka I don't have time to date but feel off-put when I make friends who don't ever feel interested in me at all. |
t3_3ixtur | tifu | TIFU by trying to listen to music on a flight | Confession: This happened a few weeks ago, but figured I'd share since I've got nothing else to do tonight.
I'm settled into my international flight, crammed into those tiny seats trying to work on my laptop after only sleeping a few hours the night before. I have some student work to look over, so I open up Spotify, put in my head phones, turn up the volume, and get to work. I'm enjoying myself. I've got some Sia playing, I'm feeling good, getting some revisions done. But then the woman across the aisle from me gets my attention.
"Um, excuse me, but I think your music is playing through your computer." I look down to see the headphone jack is not plugged into my computer at all, and I've just been blasting Chandelier to everyone within my vicinity. I am mortified and apologize to those around me.
Thankfully, they all laughed it off, but I was so embarrassed that I couldn't listen to that song for a good week or so. I at least had the comfort of my partner who told me, "Who cares? Besides, it was Sia; everyone loves Sia." | Wanted to listen to music on my flight and forgot to plug in my headphones. Blasted Sia to the entire plane. |
t3_2eklgs | relationships | Am I [18F] being too controlling with my boyfriend [21M] of 8 months? He says I am. | Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months. Things have mostly been great but we've hit a rough patch recently. We're both stressed because of other things going on in our life.
For the past few months I've been trying to bring up a touchy subject with him because it's something that makes me VERY uncomfortable. I thought I would eventually get over it, but we're 8 months in and it still affects me, so it's clear that won't happen, but whenever I bring it up, he calls me crazy, controlling, or ignores me. I do suffer with paranoia ad various other mental health problems but I don't think I'm being totally unreasonable with this.
Basically, last year (and over the years I guess) my boyfriend talked to a lot of foreign girls which he met online on facebook. He flirted with these girls a heck of a lot.
I can't be upset with him about things he did when he was single, I know that's none of my business. The thing that bothers me is that he is still in contact with them and it makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes they message him saying things like 'I miss you' 'I wish we spoke more like we used to'. I hate it.
I ask him why he has to keep in contact with these girls who he used to flirt with every day when he has a real life girlfriend now. Sometimes I feel like he has/had more of a relationship with these girls than me, e.g. he used to post about them a lot on facebook, made a 'joint e-mail' account with one of them (which he still uses), and it seems that he has a lot of inside jokes with them.
I wouldn't be jealous if they were just friends, but they aren't, and it's not like these girls still don't flirt with him. When I asked him the other day if we could establish some boundaries regarding these people, he said I was controlling him. | my boyfriend says I'm being controlling by asking him if we can establish some boundaries in regards to him flirting with girls online. |
t3_1ogb0k | relationship_advice | [20/m] Looking for advice on looking for and starting a new relationship. | Hey all,
I'll start with some background on myself. I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 and a half years about 2-3 months ago. The breakup was mutual and came as a result of long-distance for 2.5 years and a sense of complacency on both of our parts. We're still friends but I don't foresee us getting back together. I'm starting to think about trying to get into a new relationship.
Jump to today. I'm currently in college and I'm in a class with a girl that really intrigues me. She is very physically attractive to me and seems very nice and I would like to get to know her better. (we have had no prior interactions) She is even going on the same abroad trip that I am this coming winter and I would really like to get to know her there. (or even before then) The thing is that it's been so long since I've flirted with or just chatted with random women that I have no idea of how to even start talking to her, mind less asking her out.
I don't want to limit myself to "chasing after" just one girl, but I used her as an example of a larger problem that I have. If any of you could give me some advice on this, I would really appreciate it! | Broke up with my longtime girlfriend a few months ago, don't really know how to talk to strangers and get back into dating after so long with one person. |
t3_qk8u2 | AskReddit | Bloody Bradford Index Factor, now means I have a disciplinary, do I need to declare it to future employers? | Right, I've searched the internet and nothings giving me a straight answer so I thought I'd try you guys.
My UK company subscribe to the Bradford Factor for sickness, if any of you are lucky enough not to know what it is, here's some stuff stolen from Wikipedia: The Bradford Factor is calculated as follows:
where:
B is the Bradford Factor score
S is the total number of spells (instances) of absence of an individual over a set period
D is the total number of days of absence of that individual over the same set period[2]
The 'set period' is typically set as a rolling 52 week period.
For example:
01 instance of absence with a duration of ten days (1 x 1 x 10) = 10 points
03 instances of absence; one of one and two of two days (3 x 3 x 5) = 45 points
03 instances of absence; one of one, one of three and one of six days (3 x 3 x 10) = 90 points
05 instances of absence; each of two days (5 x 5 x 10) = 250 points
10 instances of absence; each of one day (10 x 10 x 10) = 1000 points
So anyway I have had 13 days off in a rolling year....which means my bradford factor is now at something stupid like 467. I think its a ridiculous system and I could type much about it in my rage but I dont think I'll get anywhere. My company wants to do a disciplinary meeting on Friday, Im not sure what to do, do I have to declare disciplary action to future employers in the UK? Should I accept the disciplinary or just quit in the meeting? I dont have another job right now and I do have things like rent and car tax etc to pay, but maybe I could get another job in the one month notice I give, but thats a big risk. Oh I dont know....what do you think?
Thanks in advance :) | 13 days off sick has resulted in getting a disciplinary, should I suck it up and take it or quit? Also do I have to declare disciplinary action to future employers? |
t3_1o5tzz | relationships | personal issues [24 M] - only truly happy when in love/in a relationship, bad self esteem and "ex-checking" | hi everyone-
i recently got out of (well, didn't exactly get out) a "relationship". I use quotes because it was never called that, but she lives in a different country and i traveled to see her. we were very much in love, but she had a long term thing with an ex of 5 years before i came into the picture and she "needed some time to be free". so i'm giving it to her, but i cannot help but panic every once in awhile as we have no plans to see each other in the future and i know she is seeing other people.
i have no problem with this, really. but now, i'm noticing and have been told by close friends that i'm only really happy when i'm in a relationship. and i understand that the best thing i can do to preserve that love and have it in the future, maybe, is to let everything go and just enjoy my life. but i can't. i'm racked by bad self esteem, doubt, fear of failure: i go look at her various social media presences and end up feeling a large pit in my stomach. what do i do? what's going on here? | i'm only happy when i know a woman is in love with me, i become clingy and end up pushing them away. why? |
t3_1an5ve | BreakUps | Trying to get space [M23] from [F23] | I am a male law student who recently was dumped by a female classmate. We were in the same friend group and did most things together for about a semester and a half. I thought it was great, and she has been everything to me at this school. To be honest, it was the most comfortable, happy relationship I had been in. After breaking up, we hooked up for a few weeks, but she told me that she was seeing another guy a couple weeks back (another classmate). They had originally hooked up the night after our break up, but she admitted it, felt absolutely horrible, and told everyone that she had made a mistake. I know it seems like a lie now, but at the time I felt it was the truth.
My friends have been great in terms of not picking sides and letting us vent in a healthy way. Unfortunately, she and I sit near each other in nearly every class and neither one of us can move do to assigned seating. We were friends first and our group still does many things together. Furthermore, our class parties and events will always include both of us. We've agreed to try and not exclude each other, but I always end up feeling excluded (but I know that she does too).
I want to get space and move on, but I feel like I see behind the curtain of her new relationship every day since she's seeing this other classmate. I have other friends in my town and try to hang out with them, but I don't want to miss out on the great things my school offers and making new friends.
I need some suggestions, Reddit. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get the separation I need to move on and be happy? Maybe even just some thought patterns on how to deal with the anxiety, sadness, and jealousy I feel when she is around? I don't want to take it out on her, and she knows how I feel. She feels horrible about it, and she says she's being selfish, but I think it's clear we both need to move on. Please help. | law student dumped by girl after a semester and a half. She's with another classmate very soon after it ended. Need space but don't know how to get it due to class seating, small school, and same friend group. |
t3_4lbzmc | relationship_advice | Update: Guy touching my girlfriend | Here's the original post:
Everything has taken a huge turn. I wanted to use some of the advice given to me so I called her last night to talk about it. She was crying the whole time and I couldn't figure out why. I asked her what was wrong and she said she had to tell me something. (Those of you who assumed the story was made up you were right) she made it all up to make me angry but it gets worse she didn't break up with me it's even worse than that. A while back she told me about this guy who went to jail that she had a thing for, what she didn't tell me was that she was in a relationship with this guy and she fell in love with him and then he went to jail and not too long after her and I went on our first date. She confessed everything in tears on the phone. She said she needed sometime to let go. (she wants to go on a break) I asked her if she still loved him, She started crying even harder and just said "I don't know," I asked if the break was permanent and she said no she just needed a week to let go and think. She later texted me telling me that she really cared about me and this break wouldn't be forever. This time I know she's not lying I know the guy who she's talking about and a lot made sense after this was confessed. But I feel like my heart has been shattered.
Before she told me all of this I told her I loved her, she didn't love me but she said she was getting there. This whole time I've been in love with someone who may have been in love with someone else. | She may or may not be in love with someone else who is in jail and we're on a break so she can think. |
t3_3zmq4p | relationships | My boyfriend [23M] of 4 years is going on a vacation with his friends without me [24F]. Am I overreacting? | My boyfriend have been going through a rocky period for a few months now. He has been planning a solo road trip vacation for 2 weeks to see his extended family. I offered to go with him but he wanted to use the trip as "breathing space" and he would be going on his motorcycle anyway. We don't live together.
A few days ago, I found out that two of his new friends (same aged female and male) are going joining him for half the trip. They won't be seeing his family though. A lot of fights have previously blown up about him putting these new friends of about 6 months before our relationship. I've never met the two friends, despite wanting to. I'm especially not comfortable with the female as he had hidden their (very regular) interactions away from me. So far everything that I've seen has been innocent though.
He held off from telling me this change of plan because he knew I would be upset. So why would he go ahead and do something he knows I would not feel comfortable with? We have been working on our relationship and things have been looking up.
I've talked to him about the issue and said I was not comfortable but he says I'm being overly jealous. | Boyfriend is going on a road trip with two new friends who have been a source of contention in our relationship previously. How do I overcome my jealousy? |
t3_3ncogm | relationships | Me [30 F] As i turned 30, should i wait for passioned love the highschool type or just settle down with this boy that i like and who likes me but for whom i dont feel love and passion? | So i had some relationships until 30..all of them ended in pain, especially the last one. It hurt me soo deeply.
My question is: can i fall in love again like a schoolgirl? I really want to. But people tell me that i should look for other things in a relationship like commitment, good communication, common interests etc. And i know they are right.
I recently found a boy with whom i resonate well, we go well together, he is smart, funny, he likes me a lot, we communicate well, common interest etc.
But i have to say that i don't feel that passion i once felt when i was younger. And i miss that, i wanted to feel love all my life. And i am affraid now that i turned 30 and also being a little pressured by age ..i will go more by the head than the heart. I want to feel the passion, to see the sky more blue and the flowers blossom around me etc :)). I know i m being stupid, but i want that ..it is just i didnt meet anybody lately to make me feel like this again.
I am just wondering if for the unfortunates like myself who turned 30 without a partner..if love still can come like in the 20's or we should settle for someone compatible with us, without the passion??
I hope i was able to make the question clear. :( | i just turned 30 and as being single again after a bad breakup, i can't seem to fall really in love again. Should i wait for real love like the hightschool love or act like an adult and listen my head. |
t3_1imlod | self | My power got shut off for my apartment and how I'm dealing... | Not too long ago my power for my apartment got shut off because I'm an idiot and forgot to pay my bill. So until I get the money to pay my old bill AND a new security deposit here I am...
Did I mention I live in Phoenix? And it's July...
I lay here typing this in bed because I can't go to sleep and the sun isn't up yet. I'm so damn hot I'm sweating. I also have a mean tooth ache, pressure sensitive so it's probably a small infection inflamed that I need to kill off with ibuprofen and such. I had to get rid of everything in my fridge almost. I rarely open it because there's still some cold in there. I have water, fruit, and condiments.
Last night I felt depressed. But it turned into a different feeling. I sat and ate a half cantaloupe in candle light while I drained my laptop batter watching a movie I downloaded some months back. It was dick proenneke and his Alaskan survival movie from back in the day. He was dropped off alone in the wilderness one day, and with a camera for filming and his sole gear pack he built a log cabin over 10 or so days. Watching this half bear grylls half Henry David Thoreau survive and build him the Swiss family Robinson of log cabins not missing a single detail was absolutely amazing. The way he described his life style and how he liked to live. It brought out the man in me. He ended up staying out there for 35 years alone with occasional visits from a few people via sea plane.
My computer shut off but I had new spirits. I was so hot but I had to deal with it. I drank two bottles of water pretty fast and it cooled my core temperature enough to fall asleep.
I just wanted to share this meaningless little series of a few days in my life. It's not much but through dick p. and my power being off I am being forced to man up and live simpler. I am in between jobs, I have one lines up in Texas and am moving in a few weeks. Free lancing graphic design to make it by until then.
Check out my website: hawsercreative.com | power turned off at my apartment, watch ultimate survival documentary - feel manly again to deal with my shit. And a lot of water... |
t3_10wy9r | relationships | How do I[F/18] deal with an overly jealous fiance[M/19]? | We're both in college and we've been together for about a year. Everything has been awesome. There's always been a small issue with his jealousy, but tonight I'm really questioning the logic behind it. I'm not sure of what to tell him to make the situation better.
For clarification, I live in an apartment style dorm with 3 other girls. We share a livingroom and kitchen. Earlier tonight my roommates told me they would like me to join them in watching a movie with them and some friends they'd invited. I told them I might.
I texted my fiance and told him I might be watching a movie with my roommates. He asked who was there. By this time, two guys arrived and were in the livingroom talking with my roommates. I told him "two guys so far". He called, sounding very upset, wondering why I was going to watch a movie with two guys. I was shocked at this reaction! I explained that I wasn't in it for the guys. He said, "What if they try something? You want to sit by them? I thought you didn't like being around people, much less guys you don't even know!" I didn't even know what to say to that! Is this normal? Rational? Logical? What do I say to make the situation better? | My fiance jumped to conclusions about movie night with two guys and my female roommates. Even after I explained I wasn't interested in them he hung up on me and is still upset and thinks I'm betraying him in some way. |
t3_j6yjk | AskReddit | Soothe the fears of someone with hypochondriac tendencies... | I was working with this chemicle, which says that it can "possibly cause the risk of reproduction and development," if absorbed through the skin. I was wearing a lab coat and latex gloves (I'm an intern), and I had to unscrew the cap. I then grabbed a gas mask and placed it over my head, brusing my nose, jaw, and back of my neck. I later realized that once you open the cap of the chemical, you get a little on the gloves, then when you close the cap, you must be transferring some to the outside of the cap.
All in all, I grabbed the outside of the bottle (where transfer might've been after past openings-and-closings), and I put on my gas mask, brushing my facial skin. Am I in danger of having horribly mutated children down the line? | I touched a bottle that might've had some old transfer of bad chemicles, and then touched my face. Am I in touble? Also, I'm paranoid beyond belief. |
t3_3fy5qq | tifu | TIFU by taking a date to Mission Impossible 5. | Ok so before the movie, we hung out at the bar at the theatre for a bit. And a woman with huge breasteses, walked by. My date pointed her out with her eyes. No. This is not where I fucked up.
She mentioned that she always wanted breast implants, because she has smallbreasts. My stupid brain, had to lie to make her feel better. After all this is our 2nd date, and I don't want to say anything stupid. So I said, "Yeah I hate huge breasts." I went on, "I like small breasts no more than a handful." Crisis avoided.
Now about midway through the Mission Impossible movie, is where the fuck up begins. There's a scene where the girl takes her shirt off, with her back to the camera, but her boobs are visible, and they are ginormous. Subconsciencly, I let out a very audible "Wow!" which half the the people in theatre heard, and laughed it.
My date sitting next to me jabbed me, and I swear I could feel electricity projecting from her eyes. I stared at the screen like a dummy for the rest of the picture. After the movie ended, she told me she has to leave to work on something. Hasn't answered my texts since. | Took a small breasted girl with body issues to Mission Impossible. I let out a "Wow!" at the actresses breasts. Date over. |
t3_mwx5a | AskReddit | A hypothetical question about legality and drugs. | I've been thinking recently about drugs and their current state of legality in our government (USA, although other countries could very well be involved in some way, just in a different format). Currently, in America, [these] are the drugs that are illegal in the US. Each of them have different characteristics that carry them to specific schedules in which they are placed to serve as the most harmful to least harmless substances, among other things.
Now, the situation which I would like to purpose is this:
If these drugs were to be legalized, and corporations were established to sponsor their use in controlled environments, would you vote for/support it? [This] could be an example of what i mean by 'controlled environments'.
So, I'm aware why most people support it, many think our country should legalize certain types of, if not all drugs (among other things). These people (I'm talking the majority of the people with sensible opinions formed by research etc.) support this for one main reason, they think people should be allowed to do whatever they want to themselves as long as it doesn't hurt other people.
People against this movement (if you want to call it that) think that it if the currently legal drugs we know of were to be legalized, could potentially harm others' life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. But, in the hypothetical situation I purposed, most (maybe even all) of these actions that could potentially disrupt one's right to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness wouldn't be a problem any more (at least, that's the idea).
I've actually talked to my friends about this, and they think that people should be allowed to do whatever they want. Again though, the point came up that someone that drinks by themselves one night could easily stumble into his/her car and wreck into another and crash and kill that person. Obviously, that situation would be robbing the person who dies of their life.
So, what do you guys think? | If illegal drugs were to be legalized, and corporations were established to sponsor their use in controlled environments would you vote for/support it? |
t3_1noyw7 | offmychest | I feel dumb and inadequate. | I usually don't actually make posts here... I'm usually trying to help others out on here. Anywho...
I've never been good at math, and so now I'm preparing myself to drop my Finite Math course in my Sophomore year of college. I know it isn't that big of a deal, but I just feel worlds dumber with the result of having to forfeit one of my classes.
I'm a transfer student, absolutely hated my previous institution and absolutely prided myself on a 4.0 GPA when leaving, even when I took a Math class my Freshman year. It was the first time in my life and I was so happy. When I was selecting for classes for this fall, I suppose I got way too overconfident and overbooked the workload with 5 classes.
Jump cut to this semester again and I'm barely staying on top of my classes despite trying to study, and I absolutely loathe the fact that the homework for like 3 out of my 5 classes is for "self-reference" for no credit to bring up your grade should you do bad on a test. So someone who is heavily reliant on licking wounds after an exam I feel absolutely helpless. I do the homework but it just feels like it doesn't amount to a hill of beans. I have only passed one test with barely above failing. I can understand the lectures with adequate understanding but for almost any math test/exam I take, I usually blank on a good percentage on them.
I felt like I spent my Freshman year training myself to be a pseudo intellectual to find that I haven't really gotten any smarter since High School. I also feel like an ass considering this is my only real job aside from driving back an hour to work at a retail job.
Like I said, there could be far worse things happening to me but this certainly cuts at my ego. | I'm dumb and I have to drop my Finite Math class because I have no fighting chance and I've never been really good with Math. |
t3_1xh1vy | relationships | My boyfriend [23/m] of three years strangled me [22/F] this morning. | He only moved in with me last week, I was so happy, I thought he was happy, I thought its what he wanted, I moved apartment to live with him. I'm living abroad on my own, when he did it he just packed up and left and flew back to our home country. Not without telling me how pathetic I am for being in hysterics, and telling me nobody is going to believe me because he has marks on his face and left none on mine.
I have a black eye, finger imprints in my arm, and a lump in my head. I can't even remember him hitting me cos it happened so fast. I literally couldn't breathe and felt him pressing hard into my neck.It was the single most terrifying moment of my life. I thought he was going to kill me.
I'm traumatized. Any time I stand up I have to sit back down because I feel so weak. I'm actually so fucking devastated he did this to me. I fucking loved him. I'm sitting in our apartment looking at the stuff he left behind and having flashbacks all day. One minute feeling intense anger, next minute feeling complete devastation and hurt that he did this.
I can't sleep, I haven't slept in over 24 hours as we had been out partying before it happened, we just got home. I just want to be home with my family right now. How the fuck can another human being do this to another,especially to someone they LOVE i don't understand it at all.
I'm feeling unbearable fucking pain inside right now. The only thing stopping me from hanging myself from the fucking beams is how much it would hurt my family.
I just don't understand it at all :( I'm so fucking scared and emotionally traumatized. My heads a mess. My family and friends think he was planning on leaving me, due to some things he had said,but why not just leave. Why do this when he knows I loved him. | Boyfriend of three years strangled me and left and fleed back to our home country. I'm alone and feeling extremely fragile. |
t3_2hv1ti | relationships | I [21 F] am in a toxic relationship with my boyfriend [24 M] of 1 year, but I am the cause. | My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year. He is incredibly sweet, caring, and loving. He loves me more than anything, and would do anything for me. For example, he mails me handwritten letters when we're apart. Who does that these days?? He wants to have a future together, despite the iissues in our relationship.
The problem is me. I am am extremely negative person. I have a supernatural ability to find something wrong with even the most perfect situations. And it has been really effecting our relationship. I am very good with finances, and instead of helping him with his problems (my original intent), I end up criticizing him and telling him how wrong he is with his decisions. He is more than capable of taking care of himself... so I don't know why I do this.
I could go on and on with examples of me criticizing him for just about any thought or opinion or action of his. It's not healthy for either one of us, BUT I don't know how to stop. I want to be a healthy supportive girlfriend. I want to give back to him the love and support that he selflessly gives to me. Instead I show him hatefulness and toxic words... for no reason. I don't know why I say the things I sat and I don't know how to fix my toxicity in our relationship. I feel like there are times when I'm on the verge of being verbally abusive... but I don't want to be at all. | Our relationship is under strain because of my negativity and criticism. How to I fix my personal issues so that we can have the loving supporting relationship he works for? |
t3_2yuan3 | relationships | [19F] How to Deal with Jealousy/Controlling problems? | I have really bad issues with being jealous and controlling of my boyfriend. We're the same age and have been dating for almost one year. He is in college and I work full-time at my parents restaurant. I know many people think college relationships can't work out, but I think we can especially considering he doesn't live on campus.
But he has made quite a few friends at school, and some of them are females. I was never the jealous type when I was in Middle School- High School but that may have been because I'd actually know the girls who may be friends with my boyfriend. In this case, I don't know them, and I feel jealous that he hangs out and talks to girls who I don't know. Is it acceptable for me to request that I can atleast meet them before I let my boyfriend be friends with them? And I have been thinking about going to therapy about these feelings, because they get pretty intense. Like I have thought about messaging these girls and threatening them, and I know this is really unhealthy. | I get extremely jealous of other girls who are friends with my boyfriend, he's in college and I've never really met them and I don't feel comfortable with him hanging out with them until I know them too. |
t3_3fsuyn | tifu | TIFU by taking out three people on BART | Motherfucker man. This just happened. I need to stare at something while I wait for my train so I'm typing this. Riding on BART to go home from work. (Bay Area Rapid Transit here in SF, the subway, basically.) Had my left foot tucked behind my right calf for what must have been the better part of an hour. I just bought Wool on my Kindle and was really into it. Almost missed my transfer spot. I bounced out of my seat to get off the train and...my left foot was totally asleep. I stepped, felt a bed of pins and stingy bits where my leg and foot should have been. I awkwardly stagger-lunged into a person with baggage by their feet who then smashed into two of his companions, sending two of them facefirst into the elderly/handicap seats and the other one to their knees. I helped them up red-faced, and they began to angrily babble at me in....German? Sounded like German. Kept apologizing to the next stop where I slunk off the train, the sound of agitated tourist echoing on into silence as the train door closed. Motherfucker man. Shit hurt too. I'm such a dumbass. | Was on the train, into my book, almost missed my stop, jumped up, foot asleep, smashed into tourists, I'm a dumbass. |
t3_49mutb | relationships | Am I [M28] wrong for not wanting to attend my cousin's [32 M] wedding? | I have a first cousin who I used to be closed with and respected a lot. Everything was fine until he was pressured by his family and essentially set up with a girl from his home country. He chatted with this girl for about 3 weeks and then he flew over there with his mother and proposed to her.
She is going to be here next month and they are having the wedding in April. I have kept my mouth shut about this whole situation even though I find the whole thing somewhat disgusting since the family indirectly ensured that the girl is still a virgin and that was an important issue for them.
The whole thing basically seems like a business transaction and a potential loveless marriage because the most important thing in this situation for my cousin seems to be to have a wife and children ASAP. These kinds of marriages are common in my culture and I never thought my relatives would be involved in such a situation.
As a result of my disapproval of this whole thing, I would like to skip attending this wedding. However, it's going to look really bad for my parents and it's going to potentially ruin our relationship. I am conflicted and would like some thoughts from others if possible. Thank you. | First cousin I used to be close with did something I thoroughly disapprove of and as a result, I do not want to attend his wedding. Am I overreacting and should just suck it up? |
t3_2v3seo | relationships | Me [23 M] with my girlfriend [24 F] 5 months, she has a male friend who constantly texting her | I'm having trouble telling her that she shouldn't lead the guy on, with her attention if she is not interested in him. But she tells that he's just a friend and he has many female interests so it's okay. But i feel extremely insecure about it and on our dates she likes to talk about him (which makes me feel horrible).
A little background on our relationship, I'm in school and I am very busy all the time. We don't spend as much time as other couples mainly because I am busy. Thus she would compromise and come to my place more than me going to hers. She once told me that I'm busy and don't have time to entertain her and I'm also taking away her right to be entertained (with the other guy through texting and dinners).
I know this might be very straight forward for all of you guys, but I don't see whether my request (for her to stop leading on the the other guy, and stop talking about him during our dates) is unreasonable.
Thank you | She has a guy who keeps texting her, I don't like it. She siad she compromise for me and I should be ok with it. |
t3_3bcxiy | relationships | Inexperienced me [17 M] not sure if girl is into me/if I should contact her[18 F] | Hello all! So as a twelfth grader I am taking courses at a local college over the summer, and there was this cute girl in my math class. I had never asked anyone on a date before, but I worked up the courage to ask her out, and to my surprise she said yes. (I am not very confident.)
Our date was about an hour long. It wasn't something where we like clicked 100 percent, but I did have fun and being inexperienced I have no idea whether she was into me or not. After the date, we didn't really talk again for a while, but at one point I was sitting outside the classroom and when she walked out I looked up to see who it was, and she smiled/waved.
The last week of class I didn't attend a lot because I'm only auditing the course. Because of that, I didn't attend the final. I was sitting in the student lounge thing and reading a book when she passed me. I was really deeply immersed in the book and so I would not have seen her passing by ten feet away at all, but she came over to ask why I hadn't been to class a lot recently.
I explained, and then she told me she had to go to work. I asked for her number (Really awkwardly, never done that before) and she gave it to me. I was so excited that I totally forgot to actually save her contact. I didn't realize that until I got home, and at that point it was too late.
Because that class was over, I'm not going to be seeing her in class anymore. I scoured the internet for her, but could not find her at all. My only lead is the fact that she told me where she works. (Large department store close to the college) The problem is, I don't know if I should just show up to her work and be like "Ay girl, gimme yo number" although she has already given it to me. I also don't really know if she is into me. Help? | Met girl, lost number, know where she works, not sure if she's into me/if I should go to her work and try to get her number again. |
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