Non-SpongeBob Dialogue
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Patrick: SpongeBob! | Patrick's in trouble. |
Patrick: SpongeBob! SpongeBob! | What is it, buddy? |
Patrick: Will you scratch my tummy? Ah... Larry: Help me pick out a tie? Squidward: Clean my bathtub? Mrs. Puff: Balance my checkbook? Plankton: Help spread the word of evil? Hat Fish: Untangle my phone chords? Cap Fish: Do my geometry? Nancy: Talk to my plants. Gray Fish: Rub my scalp? Mmm... oh yeah! | Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I'm supposed to be at Jellyfish Fields right now. But instead, I'm rubbing your scalp. And I don't even know who you are. |
Gray Fish: But, we went to elementary school together. | Dennis? |
Dennis: Mmm... oh yeah! Cap Fish: SpongeBob! Monroe: Hey SpongeBob! Fred: SpongeBob! | If I don't give these feverish favor-seekers the slip, I'll never get to fly with the jellyfish. |
Monroe: He's getting away! Light Purple Fish: No! He owes us favors! Monroe: Get him! | I'm almost at Jellyfish Fields. I'm gonna make it! |
Nat: He's headed for Jellyfish Fields! We'll never catch him now! Jenkins: I'll take care of this! Crowd: It's Cannonball Jenkins! Jenkins: I told you nothing good would come from city folk and their flying machines! Fred: What have we done? Come on, everybody! I think a proper burial is in order. A pair of pants like these come around... once in a lifetime. | Well, it was fun while it lasted. I guess I'm not meant to fly after all. Huh? Hey! My jellyfish friends are helping me fly! Without pants! I guess it just goes to show... ♪You don't need a plane to fly♪ ♪Plastic wings may make you cry♪ ♪Kites are made for windy days. Lawn chair with balloons... fly away♪ ♪Inflatable pants... you may as well skip!♪ ♪If you want to fly, all you need... is friendship. Yeah.♪ Goodbye, jellies! You taught me a valuable lesson. Although I'm not quite sure what it was. |
Patrick: Hey! Let's fly down to the pizza house for a slice. | No more flying for me, Patrick. I'll leave that to the jellyfish. |
Patrick: Suit yourself. | Did Patrick just...? Nah! |
Patchy: Wow! Wasn't that great, kids? Potty: Let's watch it again. Patchy: That's a great idea, Potty. Where's the remote? Where's the remote? Oh, I lost the remote! They should make those things... Eh... Potty: Brawk! Patchy: My remote! Thanks, stranger! Mrs. Johnson: Don't mention it, Patchy! Patchy: Now, which one of these cockamamie buttons is rewind? No, that's not it. D'oh! Wrong again. Potty: Brawk! Let me do it! Patchy: No, get away! That's the light switch! Give me that! Potty: Brawk! That's the mariachi band button. Patchy: Grrrrr... I hate technology!! Rewind, darn you. Potty: Brawk. Failure ahoy. Patchy: No! Stop! Stop! Go back, infernal machine! Oh no! I've ruined the lost episode! Now it's lost forever! Potty: Brawk! Lost forever! French narrator: Oh boy, what a loser. Well, I guess the lost episode will remain lost. But, tape or no tape, as long as there are stars in the sky, SpongeBob will live on in our hearts and in our minds. Now get lost. I mean, bye. No, really, get lost. Mr. Krabs: C'mon, Mr. Doodles, we haven't got all day. We've got to get down to me favorite restaurant. Mine. Where we're shooting our first ever Krusty Krab commercial. After this commercial airs, we'll be swarming with customers. I can already feel myself sweatin' money. Mr. Krabs: No, I got Squidward organizing the whole thing. He's... ya know... artsy. What the...? This looks expensive. Out of my way. Coming through. Move it or lose it. Squidward! Squidward: What? Mr. Krabs: What in Neptune's name is going on? Squidward: We're making the commercial, Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs: What you're doing is throwing away me money! I told you to rent, only, what is absolutely necessary. Squidward: This is all necessary. Mr. Krabs: Well what's all this useless junk? Squidward: That's the useless junk for scene, uhh, 28! Mr. Krabs: Oh, well, then how do you explain that: a second Krusty Krab?? Squidward: Mr. Krabs, everyone needs an understudy! Mr. Krabs: Well, ya got me there... but why do we need him? Squidward: This job gets very stressful, Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs: All right, get lost, all of ya. You're fired. Go on. Scram. Get out of here, you moochers. That's right, keep moving. Except you. You stay. Squidward: Well, this is just great. Now we've got no crew to make the commercial. Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about, Squidward? We got the cheapest crew in the world. You, me, and SpongeBob. Speaking of which, where is the little barnacle? | I'm down here, sir. |
Mr. Krabs: What are you doing, lad? | Squidward said I could help by burying myself. |
Mr. Krabs: Quit fooling and come on out. I need you to be in the commercial. | Me? In the Krusty Krab commercial? Me! |
Squidward: But, but, but, but, but, but, but... Mr. Krabs: Don't throw your buts at me, Mr. Squidward. We got a timetable to keep. This thing airs tonight. SpongeBob & Squidward: Tonight?! Mr. Krabs: Yup, I got a sweet deal on the prime-time slot. Narrator: 3:28 am | It's almost on, Gary. |
Gary: | Yeah, I got butterflies, too. This is the most exciting thing to happen in the history of history. Look, Gary! It's on! |
Pearl: Oh, Jen. I've got a real problem. Squidward: What's your problem, Amy? Pearl: I've got all this money and I don't know what to do with it and I'm hungry. Pearl: Who's there? Squidward: Where's that coming from? Amy and Jen: Yippee, it's Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs: That's right, Amy. I heard all about your little problem and I'm here to help. Follow... me! Amy and Jen: Where are we? Mr. Krabs: Why, we're at none other than the Krusty Krab. Amy: Did you say Krusty Krab? Mr. Krabs: That's right, Krusty Krab. Home of the world famous Krabby Patty! Jen: What's a Krabby Patty? Mr. Krabs: Why, it's only the most mouthwatering appetizing food in the seven seas. | THERE I AM, GARY, THERE I AM! |
Mr. Krabs: We start with a fresh patty, grilled and juicy. Add some crisp undersea veggies and cheese. Topped off with secret sauce and some buns. Voila! A Krabby Patty. Amy: I want a Krabby Patty. Jen: Me, too. Mr. Krabs: How do you like them Krabby Patties, girls? Amy & Jen: | LOOK, GARY, THERE I AM AGAIN, LOOK! |
Mr. Krabs: Two more satisfied customers. So why don't you come on in, and have yourself a Krabby Patty today. All: ♪The Krusty Krab: Come Spend Your Money Here!♪ | That was the best 60 seconds of my life! Well, time for bed. Time to go do my favorite thing at my favorite place. |
Old Man Jenkins: Hey, you! | Top of the morning, oldster. |
Old Man Jenkins: Hey! I saw you on TV last night. Announcer: New, Bran Flakes. Bold, new taste. Bran Flakes. | You did? |
Old Man Jenkins: Yeah. You were on a commercial. | You're right! Wow, he recognized me. |
Old Man Jenkins: Yup. See ya later, Bran Flakes. What a nice cereal box. | Weren't you that guy on TV? Yes! I am that guy. How kind of you to notice. Weren't you that guy on the television last night? Yes, that was me. I... Oh, please excuse me, sir. |
Peterson: Oh, that's quite all right, uhh, SpongeBob. | Wow. I'm getting recognized all over. Why, next thing you'll know, people are going to start doing things like holding doors open for... Why, sir, I'm flattered. |
Peterson: Really? I don't smell anything. | You're on your way. |
Fred: Excuse me, sir, can I get a napkin? | Why, of course, good sir. And next time, feel free to approach me. It most be so degrading to ask across the room. And who am I making this bad boy out to? |
Fred: To my tail fin. I'll get it myself. | F-I-N. There we are, darling. Hmph. Looks like shyness got the best of him. |
Squidward: There you are, SpongeBob. I need you to... | No problem, Squidward. I got one already made out. Enjoy. |
Squidward: To my tailfin? | Yes, I am that guy on TV. |
Tyler: Hey, look! | Please, good people, no photos at work. |
Tyler: Here's the ketchup. | Well, maybe just one. Another one? Okay. Limbo. And now, the, uh, oh, I got it. |
Mr. Krabs: There you are, SpongeBob. | Yes, pilot. |
Mr. Krabs: I need you to... ...Ow! Alright, boy. Get in there and scrub the head and stop acting so predictable. | I'm so misunderstood. Alas, good people, even the brightest of stars grow weary, and I am no exception. But I will shine again after a quick break in my quarters. Stay beautiful. |
Dale: Hey, were you able to catch Glenn the Pinkfish on Flounderman last night? Lou: No. How was he? Dale: Well, I knew that this guy's acting was good, but his singing was phenomenal. I'm telling you, Vendor, if that guy was to cut a solo record, he'd be a hit. | Solo record! |
Mr. Krabs: So, if I fire him and make his successor do twice the work, and... ...eh, come in. Oh, it's just you, SpongeBob. Those heads better be beautiful. | They are, Mr. Krabs, and so is mine. And now I gotta lay something on ya, Krabs Baby. |
Mr. Krabs: The only thing you better lay is some patties on the grill, Fry Boy. | Nah, I can't take that gig, Krabber. That phase in my career is over. I'm an entertainer now. |
Mr. Krabs: What in blazes are you talking about? | Come on, Krabs. Let's think outside the box for a second. Commercials are old-hat. The people want music. If I could change fate I would, Krabsy. And I'm an entertainer deep down. A people's person! We're on the same page here, aren't we? |
Mr. Krabs: Boy, those Krabby fumes must've gotten to your head. Borrow Squidward's gas mask and get right back to work. | I knew you'd understand. Well, thanks for the start. I'm outta here. |
Mr. Krabs: Oooooh, I've never felt such a strange combination of pity and indigestion. Bill: There he is! Hey! We've been waiting for you. Nazz: Where have you been? Bill: How long are you going to keep us standing here? Squidward: Well, SpongeBob? Are you just going to stand there like a half-wit, mouth agape? Or are you going to fill these peoples' orders? | Pipe down, Squidward. This crowd looks angry. They're not going to wait any longer. I think I better give them what they need, and fast. |
Squidward: I think so, too, or Krabs will fire both of us. On second thought, keep 'em waiting. | No can do, Squidward. These people demand entertainment. |
Squidward: Enter-what? | How you doing, folks? |
All: HUNGRY! | That's no problem, ladies and germs. 'Cause SpongeBob is here to satisfy! |
Squidward: Hey! Bill: Eating here was your idea! | I'd like to call this little number Striped Sweater. ♪The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time. One with a collar, turtleneck, that's the kind 'Cause when you're wearing...♪ |
Bill: WE'RE STARVING! | ♪That one... special... sweater...♪ Squidward, this crowd is insatiable. |
Squidward: Then why don't you back in the kitchen, and grab some patties, and give them what they CAME HERE FOR?!?!?! | Juggling! Thanks, Squiddy. |
Nancy: Is this some kind of joke? | They want juggling and jokes at the same time? Tough crowd. |
Bill: Oh, now what's he doing? | Uhh, what do you call a vampire whose car breaks down three miles from a blood bank? A cab! |
Bill: We're losing our appetites! | Uh, okay. There's a nun, an astronaut, and a hairdryer. |
All: WE WANT PATTIES! | Well, the most I can juggle is three, but the show must go on. Whoa! |
All: BOO! | Noooooooooo! My career is over. All those years clawing my way up. All the people I've stepped on, wasted. |
Bill: Hey! Finally! Nancy: That's what we've been waiting for. | They seem to like it when I put this patty on the grill. I may be able to save this act, yet. Roll with it, SpongeBob. Roll with it. There's more where that came from, folks. |
All: Yay! | You like that? |
Bill: It's what we wanted all along. | It seems to be working. But how do I follow it up? Buns! It's a stretch, but we've all got to push the envelope, sometime. Okay, folks. How do you like this? |
All: Yeah! | I'm breaking new ground. Time to get edgy. |
Customers: We want onions! Cheese! Yeah! | Ready for the grand finale? |
All: Whoopee! Krabby Patties! Mr. Krabs: Well, SpongeBob, looks like you've finally found your calling. | I'll say. I'm so glad I gave up fry cooking for this. |
Sandy: Laser wrench. | Mm-hmm. |
Sandy: Nope. | Ah. |
Sandy: Uh-uh. | Mm? |
Sandy: No. No. No. | Oh! |
Sandy: Ugh, fine! It'll do. Sandy: Hm? | I'll get it! |
Rosy Cheeks: Surprise! Hi-ya, sis! Macadamia: Howdy! Hazelnut: Auntie! Pistachio: Sandy! Sandy: Oh! I didn't expect y'all till tomorrow. Rosy Cheeks: I know how much you love your nieces y'know, so I brought 'em a day early. Sandy: SpongeBob, this here's my sister, Rosy and my three nieces. This'n here's Macadamia. Macadamia: How do? Sandy: Hazelnut. Hazelnut: How do? Sandy: And little Pistachio. Pistachio: How d— Sandy: Girls, this is my friend, SpongeBob! | Aww, what sweet little angels! |
Rosy Cheeks: Yeah, angels. Okay, well I gotta skedaddle. Freedom! Sandy: Doggone it. They're too early! I'm not finished with their present! | Don't worry your pretty little head, little lady. I'll watch the gals until you're done! |
Sandy: Thanks, SpongeBob, but there's something I gotta tell you about babysitting my— | Yeah, I think I know a little something about babysitting, Sandy. Excuse me. |
Sandy: Y'all mind your Uncle SpongeBob now. | Story time! Goldyfish and the Three Sea Bears. Chapter one, breaking and entering. |
Macadamia: Don't waste your breath... Hazelnut: And don't make a hassle... Pistachio: Some kids like to read... Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: But we'd rather wrassle! TV Announcer: Wrassle match! | Now you girls go easy on me, okay? |
Macadamia: One! Hazelnut: Two! | Ow! |
Sandy: Ugh. Why don't ya show the girls around town? | Great idea! I'll take them to the funnest place in all of Bikini Bottom! The Krusty Krab! Mr. Krabs, these are Sandy's little nieces. |
Mr. Krabs: Oh, nieces, eh? And what brings such cute little customers to Bikini Bottom? Macadamia: We're visiting Auntie Sandy… Hazelnut: And we want to sling hash... Pistachio: A chophouse like this must be... Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: Loaded with cash! Mr. Krabs: Aww! Go on! No, really. Go on. | This is my coworker-slash-best buddy, Squidward. |
Squidward: Ugh! Children. Macadamia: Ugh! Grown-ups. Hazelnut: This feller ain't happy. Pistachio: Just look at his face. Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: We're gonna be sick all over the place! | Here you go! Three Dolly Patties. |
Squidward: Can you stop playing dress-up long enough to make some Krabby Patties? | Huh! Guess that's me all over. |
Mr. Krabs: You two look ridiculerous! Squidward: Ha! You're your own worst enemy. Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, from now on, babysit off Krusty Krab Property! And Mr. Squidward, dress like SpongeBob on your own time. Macadamia: That place really stunk. Hazelnut: It was lamer than lame. Pistachio: Take us somewhere fun. Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: Or taste Texas pain! | Aww, what cute little knuckles you have. Hmm, hmm... ooh, I've got just the spot. Ahh, smell that fresh seawater. Oh, heh-hey, right. Sorry. See, Sandy, nothing to worry about. Baby-sitting is eaaaaasy. |
Macadamia: Hey, Uncle SpongeBob! | Huh? |
Hazelnut: Open your eyes! Pistachio: You're just gonna love... | Hm? |
Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: Our sandy surprise! Macadamia: It's our gift to you! | Well, isn't that sweet! |
Hazelnut: And it won't wash away...! Pistachio: 'Cause it's made of concrete! | Concrete, what?! Good structural integrity girls, but a little tight! |
Macadamia: So, sorry, Uncle. Hazelnut: We made it too small... Pistachio: But we'll get you out... Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: With this wrecking ball! | Wrecking what?! Let's all go to my house and take a little break. Here we are, girls. Pineapple, sweet pine— Whoa! |
Patrick: I've been waiting all day to watch your TV! | Patrick, you could have watched it while I was out. |
Patrick: I forgot how to make it work! Show me! Show me funny! I wanna see stories! Go, go! Please! | Boop. There you go. |
Patrick: I don't know how you remember all this technical stuff. | Yeah. Patrick, meet Sandy's nieces. |
Patrick: Good to meet ya! Squirrel hand puppet: Hey, kids, know what time it is? It's nutcrackin' time! Patrick: I love this episode! Macadamia: Well, well, what do you know? Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: Patrick is watching our favorite show! | Ah, finally, I can relax. With work! |
Patrick: Ah, that's better. Patrick: Aww! Macadamia: Let's launch this goof... Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: Right to the roof! Macadamia: Lift-off! Patrick: Whoo! Whoo-hoo! | Who wants brownies? Heh. I'll go make another batch. |
Macadamia: Let's send this nitwit... Hazelnut: On his way! Pistachio: Before he ruins our whole dern day! Macadamia: Yeah! Bus driver: All aboard for Glove World! Patrick: Save me a brownie! Macadamia: He'll be away... Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: The whole dern day! Patrick: Hi! I brought some friends. | Ooh! I'll have to make more brownies! |
Macadamia: All y'all shoo! You're blocking our view! Bikini Bottomites: Excuse us. Sorry. Sorry, ma'am. Hazelnut: We're taking that seat... Pistachio: Right where you sit! Patrick: What you gonna do? Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: Let's wrassle for it! TV Announcer: Wrassle match! | Ready, set...wrassle! |
Patrick: Ooh, brownie! Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: Huh? Patrick: You saved me one! Thanks! Guess I get the TV. Macadamia: That guy's mean! Hazelnut: Where's our auntie?! Pistachio: We gon' leave! Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: We want Sandy! Macadamia: Oh, Auntie Sandy, what a terrible place! Hazelnut: Everyone was so mean! Pistachio: Right to our face! Sandy: Aw, don't fret, little ladies. I made a present just for you, you, and you. Macadamia: From a rattlesnake's tail... Hazelnut: To an armadillo's chest... Pistachio: Our Auntie Sandy... Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: Is the gol'durn best! | Oh, sorry, Sandy. I guess I'm just not a very good babysitter. |
Sandy: I tried to tell ya the first rule of babysitting my nieces. | What's that? |
Sandy: Don't babysit my nieces! Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: Bye, Auntie Sandy! Bye, Uncle SpongeBob! Sandy: Bye-bye! Have a nice trip back to Texas! Bless their evil little hearts. Rosy Cheeks: Ahhh... Oh, no. Macadamia, Hazelnut and Pistachio: Hiya, Ma! Did ya miss us? Herb (SpongeBob): Sure is a nice day for a picnic. Loretta (SpongeBob): Oh Herb! It's like a second honeymoon! Herb (SpongeBob): Just look at Timmy and Sally throwing the old disc around! Timmy (SpongeBob): C'mon and throw it, sis! Sally (SpongeBob): I just wanna say I'm gonna be real sad when you go off to college. Timmy (SpongeBob): Oh Sally, don't be such a goop! (SpongeBob appears, tears in his eyes) You know... I'll always be your big brother! Loretta (SpongeBob): Is it starting to rain? Herb (SpongeBob): Nothing can spoil this perfect day! Sally (SpongeBob): What's the matter big brother got something in your eye? Timmy (SpongeBob): Yeah... that's it... that must be it... Sally (SpongeBob): Ha haw, now who's the goof? Just watch out because here it comes! Squidward: Oh, what now? Too much weeing. What is... Squidward: PICKLE JUICE! Oh, my eye! Squidward: Mr. Krabs: I smell something burning. Squidward: Yeah. Probably my eye. Mr. Krabs: Oh, stop your drama, Squidward. Squidward: You missed a spot. Mr. Krabs: What in the name of Neptune's tail fin is going on in here, boy? | Oh, I'm playing picnic with my wonderful little food friends Herb and Loretta! These are their kids Timmy and Sally. |
Mr. Krabs: Mmm-hmm. Sounds to me like you're wasting me precious ingredients! Listen SpongeBob, just because there's no customers doesn't mean you can't do something productive. | Like what, Mr. Krabs? |
Mr. Krabs: Well, I mean you could, OH! You can dust the pickles! Or uh, alphabetize the buns! Ehhh, you could, uh... water down the ketchup! | At this point it would be ketchuping up the water. |
Mr. Krabs: Whatever. Now if these little fellers could work... maybe you'll be on to something... hey, you couldn't make me a little tiny army of unpaid workers, could ya? | Well, I could try. Here's a little worker. We'll call him Pete. |
Mr. Krabs: Ohhohohohoo! Hi Pete! Mr. Krabs: Hey, what's wrong with Pete? He's not working! | Maybe Pete is just tired. |
Mr. Krabs: Well now, that shouldn't interfere with Pete's work. | Well, I don't know Mr. Krabs. I guess it might affect his productivity- |
Mr. Krabs: No! Not his productivity! | Hey, maybe if Pete can go on a picnic like the Patty family, he might be rested and happy and more productive than ever! |
Mr. Krabs: No! Not leaving the workplace for pleasure! | Hey! Maybe Pete's boss could have a company picnic and Pete could have a great time and relax and come back and work twice as hard! |
Mr. Krabs: Company picnic? | See, look! He's already perking up! |
Mr. Krabs: Gee, SpongeBob. Do you think if I threw a picnic your productivity would increase? | Definitely! |
Squidward: What's going on in here? Mr. Krabs: Just in time, Mr. Squidward! You're about to go on the greatest company picnic ever! Plankton: A company picnic, eh? That gives me an idea. Squidward: This is the greatest company picnic ever? Mr. Krabs: Yes, yes it is. | Pace yourself Squidward, the fun is just getting started. |
Squidward: Is this toilet paper we're sitting on? Mr. Krabs: Oh, don't think of it as just toilet paper, it has thousands of uses. | Here's one! |
Squidward: Well, I guess things will pick up once the food gets here. Mr. Krabs: Right you are! Here's the food! Squidward: What? Mr. Krabs: Oh, you're confused? Let me show you a little hack. See? You open it with your teeth. There, isn't that fun? And afterwards, you can toss it around like a, you know, one of those things you toss around. Mr. Krabs: Here let me show ya. Go out for a long one, SpongeBob! | Going long! |
Mr. Krabs: Ho, ho. This is so much fun. | Is this far enough? |
Mr. Krabs: I can't hear what you're sayin'! So... here it comes! Mr. Krabs: Hmm. Heh, I don't see it anywhere. Squidward: I'm going home. Mr. Krabs: Oh no you're not. You're going to sit right there and enjoy yourself until your productivity increases! Squidward: | Oh boy! Facing painting! Great idea, Mr. Krabs. Ahh. Here, let me try! Hi, I'm Barnacle Boy. |
Mr. Krabs: Well, we sure had our fun and games today. But just maybe we've learned a little something too. About each other and ourselves. I guess you'd have to say, This was the greatest... Squidward: Do not say it! Mr. Krabs: The greatest comp... Squidward: Don't! Mr. Krabs: The greatest company picnic ever! Mr. Krabs: Well, looks like we've got company. | Well, Mr. Krabs, it is a company picnic. |
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