Non-SpongeBob Dialogue
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| SpongeBob Response
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Plankton: My loove? | Love. |
Plankton: Loop? | Luh...vuh! |
Plankton: Lump. | Say it with me. L... |
Plankton: L... | ...uhh... |
Plankton: ...uhh... | ...vvvv... |
Plankton: ...vvv... | Llll...uhhh...vuh! |
Plankton: Llll...uhhh...vuh! | That's it! You've taken your first steps into the hall of luh-uv. Now, tell me more about your Karen So, what's your favorite thing for you and Karen to do together? |
Plankton: Well, we like to take long walks on the beach, and...uh...we talk about our dreams. Uh...our dreams of conquering all of Bikini Bottom and become supreme overlords of all creation and to trample our enemies beneath our feet. Yeah. | Trampling enemies. Now, tell me about Karen. |
Plankton: Well, she's a Mark II Surplus U.N.I.V.A.C. with 256 gigs of RAM, and...uh...there's the cutest mole on her CPU and the way she processes data. Ah ha. Ooh, mama. | Does she have any hobbies? |
Plankton: Uh...well, uh... she does make a lot of beeping sounds. | Interesting. Does she ever go Ding!? |
Plankton: Now that you mention it, she does go Ding!. At least once a day. | Ooh. A music lover. I think we have our solution. You need to serenade her. |
Plankton: Who? Me? I can't sing. | Not to worry. When you finish, you'll be as golden voiced as me. Repeat after me. ♪Me me me me me me meeeee...♪ |
Plankton: ♪Me me me me me me me...♪ ♪...Me me me me me...♪ Plankton: ♪...me me meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee♪ EEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEE.... Plankton: EEEE! Whew! | Oh, you are ready! |
Plankton: Ready? But what do I sing? | Oh, when the time comes, you'll know. The music she'll love comes from inside. |
Plankton: Why are you so obsessed with my internal organs? | This is it, Plankton. |
Plankton: I don't think I'm ready. | Oh, you just got butterflies in your tummy. |
Plankton: No, I'm just nervous. I don't know what flying insects have to do with it. | Get in there and sing, you single-celled Romeo, you. Ah, love. |
Plankton: Karen? Karen: Plankton? I don't see any present. Plankton: Oh, I have it. It's right here in my kidney... I mean, heart! Me me me meeee...me me meee... ♪Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen. Oh, my computer wife, Karen.♪ ♪Put down those punch cards. Put down those punch cards. And listen to my ode. Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen. Oh, my computer wife, Karen. What compares to.♪ ♪What compares to uh... uh... eee... uh... umm...♪ Aha! ♪Your beautiful diodes!♪ ♪Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen. Oh, my computer wife, Karen. I was blinded.♪ ♪Yes I was blinded. I was blinded by the light of your cathode ray. Oh, I built you.♪ ♪Yes, I built you. I built you in the, uh....♪ Um... ♪In the shape of a cube. Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen. You'll never know how much I love your vacuum tubes♪ Karen: That was so beautiful. Plankton: You really liked it? Karen: I loved it! But not as much as I love you, Plankton. Plankton: I l...l...love you, too! So, can I have my present now? Karen: Of course, my little overlord. Now loading the Krabby Patty Formula... | They're such a lovely couple. The Krabby Patty Formula?!? |
Plankton: Yes! You porous kitchen utensil! By helping me woo my computer wife, you've just doomed the Krusty Krab! | Oh, no! I've got to stop it before it's too late. |
Karen: 45% Loaded. | Control, Alt, Delete. |
Karen: 55% Loaded. | How do ya turn this thing off?!? |
Plankton: Get your hand off my wife! Karen: 65% Loaded. | The plug. Ha! You lose, Plankton. |
Plankton: Oh, no. You unplugged the coffee maker, SpongeBob. | I am so fired. |
Karen: Loading Krabby Patty Formula... Plankton: Here it comes! Karen: Oh, Plankton, you've made me so happy. Plankton: That's fantastic. Where's that formula? Karen: I'm crying. What's going on? Plankton: Karen, what's wrong? Have you sprung a leak? Karen: No. I'm just so happy that I'm crying with tears of joy. Plankton: But you're shorting out. Karen: I'm just--. The Krabby...Patty...Formula...loading...completed. Plankton: Yes! | No! |
Plankton: No! | Yes! I'm saved! Your wife exploded! Um...happy anniversary, you guys. |
Karen: Rebooting... Loading E.M.I.L.P.... Plankton: E.M.I.L.P.? What's E.M.I.L.P.?!? Karen: Emergency Mother In-Law Program. Plankton: Oh, no. E.M.I.L.P.: Plankton, what have you done to my daughter?! You made her cry! You know, she could have been with an ATM! Someone with money! But she chose you! I don't know why! Narrator: A slow day at the Krusty Krab. | Hey, Squidward, check this out. Two ordinary Krabby Patties, but when expertly tossed with the skill of a champ, they become... |
Patrick: A one-way ticket to PAIN! Mr. Krabs: Huh? | Heave-ho! |
Mr. Krabs: What the devil fish is going on out here?! Time is money! And if you boys is wasting time, then you're wasting money! And that's just sick! | But we were performing a ritual to attract customers. And the only way the ritual can work is for us to get hurt. Real bad. |
Mr. Krabs: What stupid barnacle told you that? Squidward: Uhh… Mr. Krabs: Listen, instead of killing yourselves, I've got something real important for you to do for me. Now, are you men ready for your super... SpongeBob and Patrick: Superrrr...! Mr. Krabs: ...special... SpongeBob and Patrick: ...speciallll...! Mr. Krabs: ...secret... SpongeBob and Patrick: ...seeeeecret... Mr. Krabs: ...assignment? SpongeBob and Patrick: Assignment?!? I beg of you, Mr. Krabs! Put us out of our misery! Mr. Krabs: The two of you are to paint the inside of me house! SpongeBob and Patrick: Yay! Mr. Krabs: But, let me give you two a warning. This here paint is absolutely permanent. It will never come off. So if I see even one drop on anything but wall, I'll have your rear ends cut off... …and mounted over me fireplace! So, have fun with the job. | Patrick? |
Patrick: Yeah, SpongeBob? | Mr. Krabs sure has a lot of expensive treasures to drip paint on. Do you think we should take this stuff off the walls? |
Patrick: No way, SpongeBob. We're not getting paid to move stuff. | Patrick, we're not getting paid at all. |
Patrick: Well, that's what I said! We're not getting paid and that's final. | Okay, we'll just paint around all this stuff. |
Patrick: Good, just don't pay me. | First, we need to set up the tarp. |
Patrick: Tarp ahoy! | We're gonna need more coverage, Patrick. Now that's what I'm talking about! Well, I guess we should open these cans of permanent paint now. |
Patrick: That will never ever come off. | And if we get it on anything, Mr. Krabs will cut our butts off. |
Patrick: And mount them on the wall. Careful, SpongeBob. Careful, SpongeBob. SpongeBob, careful. Careful, SpongeBob. Careful, SpongeBob! Careful, SpongeBob! CAREFUL, SPONGEBOB!!! | Patrick, the lid's already off. |
Patrick: Oh... now it's my turn! | I'm thinking I should do this one, too, Patrick. |
Patrick: Well, that was a rip-off. | Okay, Patrick, let's get our brushes ready. Uhh, maybe we should start with a smaller brush. All right, Patrick, gotta get started painting this wall. With the permanent paint that we're not allowed to get on anything but the wall. Well, here we go... |
Narrator: One hour later. | ...Just a few more seconds of mental preparation and I'll be painting this wall! |
Narrator: Two hours later. | ...I'm getting to the painting... |
Narrator: Three hours later. Patrick: Can you move it along? I'm all out of time cards. | No problem. Here I go. Yeah. Huh? Barnacles! What could be worse than a giant paint bubble? |
Patrick: Oh, I know... TWO giant paint bubbles! | Noooooo!! Patrick? |
Patrick: Yeah, SpongeBob? | I don't think this bubble can get much bigger. |
Patrick: Nonsense! | Pat, no!! We did it! We painted the whole house! And without getting a drop of paint on anything but th-- FLAPPIN' FLOTSAM, WHAT'S THAT!?!?!?!?! We're dead, Patrick! Do you know what that is? |
Patrick: Hmm... it's a dollar. I win! | That's not just a dollar. It's Mr. Krabs' first dollar! His most prized possession! And we got paint on it! |
Patrick: I think you are over-reacting, SpongeBob, I don't see any paint. | Okay, this isn't a problem. Maybe I can just wipe it off. There! I think I got it. |
Patrick: Oh, now I see it! | This is not good, Patrick! This is not good! Mr. Krabs is gonna be home soon! And when he sees what we did to his first dollar… |
Both: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! Patrick: Wait, SpongeBob, all we got to do is wash the paint off and Krabs will never know! | But Mr. Krabs said... |
Patrick: Forget what Mr. Krabs said! Every paint comes off with something! | Did it work? |
Patrick: Nope. | Did it work? |
Patrick: Nope. Patrick: | Did it work? |
Patrick: Nope. Oof! Oof! Oof! | Nothing's working! |
Patrick: Wait, SpongeBob, we're not cavemen! We have technology! | It didn't work. |
Patrick: This is all Mr. Krabs' fault! If he hadn't hung that stupid dollar in the first place...! I mean, it's not like it looks any different than a regular dollar. Why hang it? You could just stick any old dollar bill up on the wall, no one would even know the difference! You might as well reach in my wallet, pull out a dollar, and put it on the wall! And it would... | Hurry, Patrick, take out your wallet. |
Patrick: I don't see where you're going with this... Hey, a dollar! | Our butts are saved, Patrick! Now all we have to...Patrick!! No! PATRICK, NO! WHY DID YOU PUT IT... AHH! GRAB IT, PAT, GRAB IT! HURRY, HURRY! I... Aww, Pat, no, no! GET IT, PAT! GET IT! GET IT, GET IT! No-o-o-o-oh! |
Patrick: ...Wanna bite? | Okay, okay, we still have time! Don't panic, SpongeBob, panic is the enemy. You are strong. Through your strength, you shall overcome! |
SpongeBob's reflection: You're on your own, pal. | Hurry, Patrick, put Mr. Krabs' dollar back on the wall! I got an idea! |
Mr. Krabs: What the…? | We're all done, sir. Everything looks great. |
Patrick: Yeah, you don't have to look around. We already did that for you. Mr. Krabs: You both look like you got a dirty little secret. Ha! I'm kidding. Let's see how you did. Oh, not bad boys, not bad. A nice even coat, high gloss, no bubbles. | Yeah, looks great, Mr. Krabs. We'll just be going... |
Mr. Krabs: Flippin' fish fossils! Look what you did! | Oh, Mr. Krabs, we're so sorry! Don't de-butt me! Don't de-butt me! |
Patrick: Mr. Krabs, I'm sorry! Have mercy! Have mercy! Mr. Krabs: Sorry? You dusted all my knickknacks! That was really nice. Great Barrier Reef! What's this? | It's not our fault, Mr Krabs! |
Patrick: We didn't do it on purpose! Both: Accident! Accident! Accident! Accident! Patrick: I don't want to be butt-less! Mr. Krabs: Oh, and I suppose the floor molding just painted itself on its own. That's what I call craftsmanship. Criminy jim-jam! you messed up my dollar!... ...rama! All the dolls in this doll-a-rama were perfectly aligned! Doll: Mama. Mr. Krabs: And you boys thought I wouldn't notice! Oh well, I guess no harm done. All right, boys, you're free to go. Ow! That's funny, I don't remember a stack of painting jutting from the wall where me first dollar used to be. In fact, I don't remember this painting at all. Or this one. Or this one. Or this one. Or this one. Or this one. Or this one. | Hi, Mr. Krabs. |
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what are you doing? | Oh, you know, just hanging around. |
Patrick: Boooooooooooo. Mr. Krabs: Get down onto the floor, boy. Alright, now you're just being silly. | No, No, Mr. Krabs! No! Don't look, it's a trick! |
Mr. Krabs: Did you two get paint all over me first dollar? | We're sorry, Mr. Krabs! |
Patrick: We're so sorry! Mr. Krabs: And then did you draw on it with crayon?! Patrick: I thought, you know, maybe he'd buy it? Mr. Krabs: All right, boys! You know what I've got to do now? | You mean our butts? |
Patrick: Can I use mine one last time? Mr. Krabs: There we go, good as new. Both: But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but... Mr. Krabs: Yeah, I lied. This paint actually comes off with saliva! | Oh, I get it, Mr. Krabs. You told us the paint was permanent so me and Patrick would be more careful and not get paint on anything! |
Mr. Krabs: Nah, I just like to mess with ya! The old man's still got it! Aww, crud. I really gotta learn to say it, not spray it. Mrs. Puff: Have a good summer vacation, I'll see you all next fall! Well... Hopefully not all of you. Students: Weee! Mrs. Puff: Time to vamoose! | Oh, Mrs. Puff? |
Mrs. Puff: Where are my keys!? | Mrs. Puff!? |
Mrs. Puff: Come on! | I've got something for you! Mrs. Puff? |
Mrs. Puff: I gotta get out of here! Phew! I lost him. | Mrs. Puff? Can I give you my note now? |
Mrs. Puff: Why can't you take a hint?! | Help! |
Mrs. Puff: Oh dear, of course I'll help. | Mrs. Puff! Don't forget to read the note! |
Mrs. Puff: Why won't he just let- Oh no! Not again! If my parole officer finds out, I don't stand a chance! I'll be sentenced for life this time! Mr. Krabs: Hmmm... Quite a conundrum you have here. It would be a cryin' shame to a certain someone if this information were to leak out to the authorities. Mrs. Puff: Oh, please, don't tell the police, I'll be a dead man if I get caught! I'll do anything! Mr. Krabs: It's gonna cost a fortune to get this fixed. Thanks to you. Mrs. Puff: Oh, gracious me, I don't have that kind of cash! Mr. Krabs: Don't worry! I think we can work something out. Mrs. Puff: Huh? You mean we should go out on a date? Mr. Krabs: Err... interesting, no, I had something else in mind. Surprise, SpongeBob! You got a new co-worker. | Mrs. Puff! |
Mr. Krabs: She'll be filling in for Squidward while he's... ...on vacation! Isn't that right, Mrs. Puff? Mrs. Puff: That's right. Mr. Krabs: She'll be workin unpaid until he returns. Won't she? Mrs. Puff: Yeah. Mr. Krabs: Squidward! I forgot to tell ya. You're taking a summer off! Have a good time! See ya! Phew! That was close. | It all sounds a bit mysterious to me. Oh but why should I care? I'm working with good old Mrs. Puff! Say, did you get my note? |
Mrs. Puff: Oh, I got your note alright. | So what do you think? |
Mrs. Puff: What did I think!? I think it caused me to- Let's just say, it changed my life. Mr. Krabs: It certainly has. Now, SpongeBob, would you please show Mrs. Puff her new duties vis-a-vis with her recently changed life? 'Cause I'm sure a snail can't be bothered to do it. | Oh, boy! I get to show you the ropes, Mrs. Puff! Hey, it's kind of like I'm the teacher! I'm gonna be teaching you now. |
Mrs. Puff: Patience is a virtue. | Shall we start with the importance of good kitchen hygiene or the unabridged history of the patty? |
Mrs. Puff: Why don't we just start with my basic duties? | Eager to get behind the wheel, eh? I like it. Repeat after me, this is my register, there are many like it but this one is mine! |
Mrs. Puff: There are many like it, but this one is mine. | Now like a ships rudder this old register is temperamental. When you hit the total key... What are you doing? You're not taking notes!? Always remember: Good Grades. |
SpongeBob and Mrs. Puff: Always follow diligent notes! Mrs. Puff: I know, SpongeBob. I taught you that phrase! | Don't worry, Mrs. Puff, you can borrow my notepad today! Now, where was I... Oh, yes! The total key is a bit sticky, so you're gonna have to be forceful, but not too forceful. Get it? |
Mrs. Puff: Forceful, but not too forceful. | You did! Diligence like this deserves a sticker! Collect 10 and your entitled to a super sticker! Why don't we work on our customer service with a little role playing, I'll be the customer and you show me your best and friendliest service, hmm? |
Mrs. Puff: Fine... | Good day, ma lady, charmed, I'm sure. |
Mrs. Puff: Heh, funny costume, SpongeBob. | Forgive me, I know not of this SpongeBob fellow. My name is Yukthomas Féyêdêmuffin and I entered your place of business in hope to pro-clearing lunch on this fine day. |
Mrs. Puff: Of course, Mr. Féyêdêmuffin. What would you like to eat today? | Psst, Mrs. Puff, it's me, SpongeBob, I think it will go smoother if you refer to him as duke. |
Mrs. Puff: You mean to refer to you as Duke? Duke: Of course, how else one refer to me? I am a duke after all, now I shall fancy a meal if quite alright with you. Mrs. Puff: Okay, duke, what will you have? Duke: I shall have... Beans on toast please. Mrs. Puff: All right, one beans on toast coming up! | Psst, Mrs. Puff, SpongeBob again, you better inform the Duke that we don't serve beans on toast. |
Mrs. Puff: This is just ridiculous! Would you simply explain my duties please?! Mr. Krabs: What are you doing yelling at me customers? The duke here is one of me regulars, and I don't need to explain what happens when you start losing your regularity, do I? Mrs. Puff: Oh dear... Message received, Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs: Just don't let it happen again, Puff. | Well, I see you have a little trouble getting in gear there, but you'll be in the fast lane before you know it! Ah! Here comes another customer! Let's see if you can apply what you learned! |
Mrs. Puff: Welcome to the Krusty Krab, sir. May I take your order? | Yes! |
Frankie Billy: One Krabby Patty please? Mrs. Puff: $1 please. Thank you. | Good job, Mrs. Puff! Now all that's left is to submit the order to the cook. |
Mrs. Puff: One Krabby Patty! | Oh, Mrs. Puff. |
Mrs. Puff: What? | It must have slipped your mind that you need to submit the order in writing as well. It's the only way to ensure maximum clarity. |
Mrs. Puff: Fine! Here's your written form! | One Krabby Patty. Uh, Mrs. Puff? |
Mrs. Puff: What now? | I can't begin cooking until the bell is rung. Thank you! Although, a smidge less rigorous next time please? Order up! You done well so far, student! Now all that's left is to deliver the item to the customer. Be cautious, but swift. Oh, I wouldn't go that way if I were you. It's faster if you go this way, Mrs. P, look out for the barrel! |
Mrs. Puff: I'll give your barr- | Watch for pedestrians! Pot hole! Look out, Mrs. Puff! Time for evasive action! And the patty is unscathed! Way to go, Mrs. Puff! Your first satisfied customer! Although, I have to deduct points for that landing though. |
Mrs. Puff: That's it! I don't care anymore! This isn't worth it! I will not be humiliated any longer! | Don't forget to read the note! |
Mrs. Puff: You! It's because of you I got stuck in this mess! Police: Hold it right there! Well, well, well, if it ain't Mrs. Puff. I saw what you did. Mrs. Puff: I. You did? Police: Yeah. Mrs. Puff: Oh please! I didn't mean to do it! I swear! Police: It's too late for swearing Puff! The evidence is right here. You littered, now you're going to the stony lonesome. Mrs. Puff: Littered? You're absolutely right, officer! Yes! I sure did litter! That's what I did! Police: Yeah, all right. You're under arrest now. Mrs. Puff: No problem, officer, time by myself in the stoney lonesome is just what I need! Police: Tell it to the judge, Mrs. Puff! Mrs. Puff: 1 day down, 2,528 to go! That's just shy of 4 years without SpongeBob! I'm going to enjoy this! Police: Get up, Puff! The judge says you have to go to traffic school. Mrs. Puff: Oh, wow! A Driver's Education class! This is just how I made a living except without HIM. Delightful! | Good day, class! |
Mrs. Puff: I must be having a nightmare! What's he doing here?! | Didn't you read the note, Mrs. Puff? Here, I taped it together and saved it just in case. Dear Mrs. Puff, I'm following in your footsteps and got a job as a Driver's Ed teacher for the summer. ♥ SpongeBob. |
Mrs. Puff: Get me outta here! | Now let's open our Driver's Ed handbooks to Chapter 1. |
Patchy: Let's go! Hey, kids. Rush hour traffic here in Encino is really bad. A little music should soothe me jangled nerves. At least my in-dash hi-fi still works. Oh! Me ultra-rare Frampton Comes Alive 8-track destroyed! And I'm gonna miss the new SpongeBob cartoon if this traffic doesn't move soon! Who's calling? Yes, Patchy here. Start squawking. Potty: Hey, Patchy, the new SpongeBob cartoon is about to start. Where are you, brawk? Patchy: Stuck on the 101. Be a dear and record it for me, will you? Potty: Oh, I threw out that old Betamax machine in the garbage. Patchy: You what?! Patchy: You what?! Patchy: You what?! Potty: Oh, calm down, beardy. Patchy: Potty, you know how important this cartoon is to me! Do you mind? I'm trying to talk to my parrot! Sorry, Potty. Just some landlubber. Potty? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Guah. Dropped again. Curse this traffic! Oooooh! Arrrrrrr, home at last. What the...? Encino... it's gone. No! You know, kids, this kinda reminds Patchy of an old story. Another story of a lost city. Why don't you check it out? Oh, Encino. Patrick: A beautiful specimen, SpongeBob. | Hurry, Patrick, hurry! How's it look, buddy? Ready for the old scrapbook? |
Patrick: More like the scrap-heap. They never come out right! Oh, well, let's try again. | Okay, Patrick, this one's gonna be a masterpiece. |
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