Non-SpongeBob Dialogue
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Mr. Krabs: Wait, I saw it first! Hah! Mine, mine! Huh?! | Boy, Mr. Krabs, you sure are sweaty. |
Mr. Krabs: What's this? Where are the doubloons? | There are no real doubloons, Mr. Krabs! It's a game: The Flying Dutchman's Treasure Hunt. |
Patrick: Based on a real treasure map. | Take a break and play around with us. |
Patrick: Yeah! C'mon, sweaty! Mr. Krabs: Have you finished cleaning the tables? | I cleaned the tables, Mr. Krabs! |
Mr. Krabs: Ay, but did you scrape all the gum off the underside? | I already took care of it. |
Mr. Krabs: Hahaha. All right, lads. Looks like you've shanghaied me. Patrick: My turn! Five! One of your shipmates has been a bad pirate! Send him to the brig! Hmmm... It's off to jail for you, Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs: Patrick, you're fired. Patrick: But I don't even work here! Mr. Krabs: Would you like a job, starting now? Patrick: Boy, would I! Mr. Krabs: You're fired. | My turn. One, two, three, four. Look for the Deacon's Goose thru the fork in the old tree and head that way. Well, I see Mr. Krabs' zipper is undone. |
Mr. Krabs: Shiver me timbers! | Just kidding, Mr. Krabs. I'm almost to the treasure. Your turn again, Mr. Krabs. |
Mr. Krabs: Ooh, fish eyes. One, two. | You are a real pirate. Go straight to the X that marks the spot. You get to dig for treasure, Mr. Krabs! |
Mr. Krabs: Treasure. There it is! It's the Flying Dutchman's Treasure! Gold, gold, gold. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. | Hey, Mr. Krabs is getting all sweaty again. |
Fred: Rev up those fryers, ‘cause I am sure hungry for one-- Help! Help! My leg! Mr. Krabs: Can't you see we're closed?! Ready for another round? This is my kind of game! SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray! Mr. Krabs: Six! One, two... I win again! Oh, that's seventeen times in a row. | I think we ought to call it a night, Mr. Krabs. I really got to get some sleep. |
Mr. Krabs: Oh, you can't walk out on me now. | I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. See you tomorrow. Huh? Who's there? |
Mr. Krabs: Come on, SpongeBob. One more game. I can smell the treasure. | Mr. Krabs, it's late. Go to bed! Good night, Mr. Krabs. |
Mr. Krabs: Wind is perfect, the tide is right. Let's hunt for treasure! | Mr. Krabs, you gotta...! |
Mr. Krabs: Tread softly, lad. If the Dutchman hears you, we'll never get his treasure. | But, Mr. Krabs... |
Mr. Krabs: I'll roll for you, boy. | But, Mr... |
Mr. Krabs: Eight paces, north, that's a good start, lad. | But, Mr... |
Mr. Krabs: One, two, three... | MR. KRABS! I WANNA GO TO BED!!! Mr. Krabs, I'm sorry, but it's just a game, ya know? |
Mr. Krabs: A game. That's... right. Of course it is, my mistake. I guess I got a little carried away, eh? Though it is treasure we're dealing here. Sorry, for disturbing ya, lad. Avast! Pineapple, ho. Heave two, and prepare to be boarded. | Aw, go home already. I'm done playing that game, Mr. Krabs. |
Mr. Krabs: That’s Captain Krabs to you, and this is no game. We're gonna be pirates. | Pirates? |
Mr. Krabs: Ay! How'd you like to go on a real treasure hunt, with a real treasure map? SpongeBob and Patrick: Treasure? We're gonna be pirates, we're gonna be pirates! Mr. Krabs: Ay, ay, ay. Belay that skipping. Pirates don't skip. Put on this pirate garb, so I won't be embarrassed to be seen with ya. Arrgh. | Oh, Patrick. Look! Peg legs and eye patches! |
Mr. Krabs: Now, don't you feel more like pirates? | Look, I'm Peggy the Pirate! |
Patrick: And I'm BlindBeard the Pirate! | Ow. |
Mr. Krabs: Arrgh! Keep a sharp lookout, SpongeBob. According to the map, we're close to the first landmark. | Really? Can we see the map? |
Mr. Krabs: Uh... no. Only the captain can lay eyes on the map! | Okie dokie, then! |
Mr. Krabs: Arrgh, a pirate doesn't say, okie dokie, then! A pirate says, arrgh! | Okie... oops. I mean... ARRGH, Captain Krabs. Captain, we're about to hit... uhh... I mean... ARRGH, Cap', ARRGH, we're, ARRGH, about, ARRGH, to hit, ARRGH... |
Mr. Krabs: Out with it man, ARRGH! Patrick: I, ARRGH, think, ARRGH, he's trying, ARRGH, to say-- land. Mr. Krabs: AAAARRGH!!! From now on, only the captain says 'arrgh'! Status report, Mr. SquarePants? | The whole ship is underwater, captain. |
Mr. Krabs: Arrgh. We're marooned then. Our treasure hunt will have to continue on foot. This is it, boys, from the seaweed with two leaves on it. 10,000 paces east. | But, Mr. Krabs, that seaweed has... Which way, cap'n? |
Mr. Krabs: Ensign Patrick, which way is east? Patrick: Uhh... let's see, uhh... that way, captain! Mr. Krabs: 9,997... 9,998... 9,999... 10,000! Where's the X? Supposed to be right here! 10,000 paces east! Patrick: Ohhhh, east? I thought you said weast. Mr. Krabs: Weast? What kind of compass are you reading lad? Patrick: This one, sir. Mr. Krabs: That's west, Patrick. You're fired again. 9,551... 9,552... | Mr. Krabs, we're tired. |
Patrick: And hungry. Mr. Krabs: Ooh. So this is my crew. You get a little tired, and a wee-bit hungry, and you want to shove off for home. Arrgh! That sickens me. A pirate is not judged by the notches in his cutlass, or by the size of his booty. A pirate is judged by the loyalty of his crew. And without a loyal crew... what am I captain of? Just a... bunch of sand! Patrick: Don't cry, Captain Krabs. | Yeah, we'll be your loyal crew. |
Mr. Krabs: You'll stay with me then? SpongeBob and Patrick: We'll be the most loyal pirate crew ever! Mr. Krabs: I knew I could count on you boys. One for all! SpongeBob and Patrick: And all for one! | I'm so loyal, I don't even mind sleeping on the cold, hard ground while Captain Krabs sleeps in his warm, dry tent. |
Patrick: I'm so loyal, I haven't bathed in weeks! | But we've only been gone a few hours! |
Patrick: ...I know, hehehehe. | I'm so loyal, I don't wanna sleep till we find the treasure. Let's go see if the captain will go now! |
SpongeBob and Patrick: Captain Krabs? | He's not here. |
Patrick: Look! The treasure map. | Only the captain can look at the map, Patrick. |
Patrick: Yeah... | Patrick, what are you doing? |
Patrick: Nothing. | Patrick, you're not supposed to look at the map. |
Patrick: I'm not looking, I'm touching. There's no rule against that, is there? | No, guess there isn't. Oops, Patrick, it opened by itself! |
SpongeBob and Patrick: THE MAP! THE MAP! GOTTA SEE IT, GOTTA LOOK AT IT! Patrick: SpongeBob? | Yeah? |
Patrick: Did you notice something familiar about this map? | You mean, like that it's our game board taped to a piece of paper? |
Mr. Krabs: Do you think this is a problem? SpongeBob and Patrick: Ahh! Mr. Krabs!! Mr. Krabs: Sneaking peeks at me treasure map? Patrick: We're sorry! Mr. Krabs: That's mutiny on my ship. So you think ol' Captain Krabs has gone crazy, do ye? | Not at all, Captain Krabs. We don't think that at all! |
Patrick: I think that. Mr. Krabs: I'm gonna throw you overboard for saying that! | Look! It's the X. |
Mr. Krabs: X marks the spot! | Wow! That game really is based on a real treasure map! |
Mr. Krabs: Well, what are you waiting for, lads? Dig! Dig! Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig! | We got it, Captain Krabs! |
Mr. Krabs: Ha, ha! Hand it up to me, lads! Heave! We finally found it! Female Chorus: The Dutchman's Treasure! All: Wow! | What are you going to do with your share, Patrick? |
Patrick: I don't know. How are you going to spend your share, SpongeBob? Mr. Krabs: What shares? You're not getting any of my treasure! | We found it together. So we deserve a share! |
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'm the captain. And I say it's mine! | What about loyalty? |
Mr. Krabs: All for one. | And one for all. |
Mr. Krabs: All for one! | And one for all! |
Mr. Krabs: All for one!! | And one for all!! |
Flying Dutchman: I'm the Flying Dutchman... Mr. Krabs: All for one. | And one for all. |
Flying Dutchman: I'm the Flying Dutchman... WHO DARES WAKE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN?! Keep it down, will ya? I'm trying to get some sleep. Huh? Mr. Krabs: All for one. SpongeBob and Patrick: And one for all. Flying Dutchman: Who dug up the Dutchman's treasure??? Mr. Krabs: They did! Flying Dutchman: Arrgh! So you two scallywags dug up me treasure?! SpongeBob and Patrick: Uh-huh! Flying Dutchman: Well, you saved me a lot of diggin' you did. So here's an reward for the two of ya's. | Wow! |
Female Chorus: Two gold doubloons! Mr. Krabs: Wait! I'm captain of this crew! Where's my reward? Flying Dutchman: Hmmm, I guess you're right. A little something for your trouble. Mr. Krabs: Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold! Huh? Why, it's just a little plastic treasure chest! Female Chorus: Plastic! Flying Dutchman: Aye, but it's based on a real treasure chest! Patrick: Gee, Mr. Krabs, you're looking all sweaty again. Mr. Krabs: And how is everything for you today, sir? Nat: Oh, it's great! Just great! Mr. Krabs: Fine, fine. Nat: I just love this Krabby Patty! Mr. Krabs: Yeah, okay, always nice to hear. Nat: My Krabby Patty is a Krabby Patty and both buns are also Krabby Patties! So luxurious! Mr. Krabs: You must've paid five times the price of a regular patty for that! Nat: No extra. It's the same low price as a regular Krabby Patty. Mr. Krabs: Argh! Me eyes! What are you doing, Mr. Squidward?! Squidward: I couldn't find a smelling salt, so I just used table salt. Fred: Hey, my Krabby Patty is just a bun! And the two buns... are also buns. Stale buns. Tom: My patty tastes like sadness. Mr. Krabs: All right, that's enough. Patties with emotional flavors... ...it's two bits extra. Now pay at the register. What in Davy Jones' locker is going on in here, Mr. Squidward?! Squidward: What do you think? SpongeBob's in one of his moods. He failed his boating exam...again. Mr. Krabs: Well, we can't have that. He's me best employee. Well, no offense. Squidward: None taken. Mr. Krabs: Melancholy and self-doubt are bad for business. Make a note of it. Squidward: Let me grab a pencil. Ha, it's funny, cause I mean the opposite. Ha. Mr. Krabs: Avast there, lad! You're wasting your valuable tears, salting me patties with grief. | I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. Oh, I can't even cry right! |
Mr. Krabs: There, there. Failing your driver's test is nothing to cry over. | Oh, I've been in driving school as long as I can remember, and I still don't have my license! |
Mr. Krabs: How much do they charge you at this driving school of yours? | Oh, about $100 a semester. |
Mr. Krabs: $100 a semester?! Well, I can do it for double the price and half the time! | Really? |
Mr. Krabs: Sure, I taught me own daughter Pearl how to drive like a little angel. Pearl: Hi, Daddy! I need money for shoes. Mr. Krabs: Sure, anything for me little angel Pearl. Pearl: Thanks, Daddy! | Uh, are you sure about this, Mr. Krabs? |
Mr. Krabs: Why, I couldn't be sure, lad. You don't need a... professional to teach you how to drive. | You know, Mr. Krabs, at boating school, Mrs. Puff... |
Mr. Krabs: Wipe that boating school malarkey out of your mind, son! It's all a racket. | It is? |
Mr. Krabs: And that goes for every kind of schooling. Why, there ain't nothing truly important, you can't learn on the streets with half a jigger of common sense and your own two claws. Now, put 'er in gear! | Okay! |
Mr. Krabs: Well, rookie mistake, boy. It happens all the time. | It does? |
Mr. Krabs: No, but you got the right fire in your belly. | I do? |
Mr. Krabs: Yeah. Well, you know, what we need is a change of venue. Mr. Krabs: This empty parking lot is just the ticket. Like every young person, the novice boater needs plenty of open, obstacle-free space and the freedom to make mistakes. | Mr. Krabs, you're so wise. |
Mr. Krabs: Can't disagree with you there. All right, put 'er in gear! Hmm. | Rookie mistake, right? |
Mr. Krabs: I suppose so. Now slowly inch forward and we'll check out the damage. | Inch, inch. Inch, inch, inch. Inch, inch. |
Mr. Krabs: Oh, broken wall. That's about $15,000. Oh, kitchen fire. Oh, that'll be about 6 grand. Ooh, lawsuit? Oh, that's a lot of zeroes! Ugh. All right, Krabs. Get a hold of yourself. You've been in worse fixes than this. Why, you've stared down the cannon's mouth, haven't ya? Look at that face. Bleah! Is this the face of your final defeat? Is it, Krabs? Mr. Krabs: Now, here's a place you should be comfortable with. | Oh, I'll say. |
Mr. Krabs: Just take a look around, boy-o: home sweet home. Nothing to make you twitchy and jumpy. Oh, just the opposite, in fact. A place so soothing and sweet, like a mother's gentle lullaby on a soft summer's night. Oh, brother. Let's start with something simple: a little trip down the street to Patrick's house. | Patrick's house! |
Harv: I'll have one Krabby Patty, please. Squidward: Okay. Mr. Krabs: Upsell! Squidward: Would you like fries with that? Harv: Yeah, sounds good. Mr. Krabs: Better. Mr. Krabs: Okay, that was just fine, but next time, wait until I say, Put 'er into gear. Squidward: You missed one. Mr. Krabs: A simple trip to Patrick's house: a line so straight and true. | Mr. Krabs, let's just leave the boat here and walk. |
Mr. Krabs: Well, we, you know, we could do that. But you can't learn to drive without a boat. Or can ye? Mr. Krabs: You'll certainly learn the way of the boat with this here top-of-the-line, state-of-the-art technological simulator. Mr. Krabs: Now hand me one of them tokens. You'll need your protective headgear. Computer on Screen: Ready? Drive! | I'm doing it, Mr. Krabs! I'm driving the boat! Uh-oh. |
Computer on Screen: Sixth place! | Hey, look, Mr. Krabs. I'm driving! |
Mr. Krabs: Great job, boy. Worker: Phew. | Well, at least I didn't hit the Krusty Krab that time. |
Mr. Krabs: Saw that coming. | I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. The fire in my belly has gone... ] |
Mr. Krabs: No, no. It's my fault. We've been going about this all wrong, boy. It's not a pampering you'd be needing. It's a bold and reckless display of confidence! | Oh, yeah. |
Mr. Krabs: You think when I was your age, I tip-toed around like a tadpole on a petunia? | You never! |
Mr. Krabs: That's right. My style was to dive in with both feet, claws snapping. | Snapping! Oh, my gosh. |
Mr. Krabs: Thar she blows. The dreaded double roundabout, the most treacherous stretch of road in all of Bikini Bottom. To your starboard, you yield. To your port, they yield to you. And when you're in the middle, it's every man for himself and the devil take the rest! | Man, I don't think I'm ready for this, Mr. Krabs. |
Mr. Krabs: Nonsense, boy-o. All it takes is some confidence and a little coordination. Why, your little pet snail could do it. Gary: Meow. | Uh, I thought you were just using Gary as a colorful example, Mr. Krabs. |
Mr. Krabs: Oh, he's colorful, all right. But he's also going to teach you how to drive. Now, go! Atta boy! There you go, SpongeBob. Did you see how Gary did that? | Uh, yeah, some of it. |
Mr. Krabs: Buck up, me boy-o. It's your turn next. | My turn? Gee, Mr. Krabs, you must really believe in me. |
Mr. Krabs: Not really. Police officer: Sir, is this your vehicle? Mr. Krabs: Why, yes. Yes, officer, it is. Police officer: And did I just see you let a snail negotiate this vehicle through a dangerous intersection? Mr. Krabs: You sure did...uh, I mean, you didn't...I mean, well, no...I mean, well, yes...I mean, uh, look, it was just a friendly, little example: a colorful example. I was teaching the lad to drive. Police officer: By putting a snail behind the wheel. Mr. Krabs: Well, I mean, really, he has more on top of the wheel. Gary: Meow. | Officer, I don't have the boating handbook with me, but... |
Mr. Krabs: Quiet, boy! Let me handle this. Police officer: Are you a licensed driving instructor, sir? Mr. Krabs: Well, no. But I taught me own little girl to drive, you see, and you understand. Do you have any kiddies of your own at home, officer? Police officer: No, I'm married to my job. Mr. Krabs: Oh. Well, um...you two seem very happy together. Police officer: Well, we've had our ups and downs, but after some couples counseling, we think we've worked out our issues. Mr. Krabs: This ticket's coming out of your paycheck, boy. | Whoa! My first real traffic ticket. |
Police officer: Oh, this is going to require something more than money, sir. Mr. Krabs: Ha! What could be worse than spending money? Mrs. Puff: All right, class. Please say hello to our newest classmate...Mr. Krabs! Class : Hello, Mr. Krabs. | Don't worry, Mr. K. I'll show you the ropes. |
Mr. Krabs: Alright, take this, boy-o. And study it very carefully. | Right! Oh-ho! Ha. Mr. Krabs. |
Mr. Krabs: Not that side! | Oh. Huh. A shopping list? |
Mr. Krabs: We're running low on secret ingredients. I need you to go shopping. Mr. Krabs: But be careful not to lose the list. If you-know-who gets his hands on it, he'll know what goes into the Krabby Patty. You know where that leads. Total apocalypse! Plankton: More like funpocalypse! I'll just follow that yellow nitwit and the secret ingredients will be mine! | ♪Shopping spree! That's for me! A list of goodies from the sea! Shopping spree! That's for me! A list of goodies from the sea! Shopping spree! That's for me! A list of goodies from the sea!♪ Wow. The stuff on this shopping list is pretty exotic. I'm not gonna find any of this at Barg'N-Mart. |
Sandy: Whatcha got there, SpongeBob? | Hold on. Something super secret. |
Sandy: Yeah. I guess you'd want to keep this secret. | Not that side. |
Sandy: Holy moly! You're gonna have to go to tarnation and back to get all these things. | Well, what do I do? |
Sandy: Ah, no worries. I just souped up old Matilda here. Sandy: I think she likes ya. | Sandy, does it seem a little dry in here? |
Sandy: Huh? Oh, possum pits! How could I forget? | Thanks. |
Sandy: Buckle up! Plankton: Ow! What? Plankton: Whew! | The first item on Mr. Krabs' list is...hair from a yeti crab? |
Sandy: Well, that hairy hermit dwells right here on this mountain top. Sandy: Look, there he is! Sandy: He lives alone. He'll never know it's gone. Plankton: Krabs puts yeti hair in the Krabby Patties? Ew! Why didn't I think of that? Plankton: Uh-oh! Ow! Uh, ah, ooh, ah, oh, hey! Plankton: Could've been worse. Could've been a ten gallon hat. | The next item is milk from a giant fangtooth fish. |
Sandy: The deep ocean floor is the only place it inhabits. Keep an eye out. | I found it! But how do we milk it? |
Sandy: We'll have to distract her first. Deploy kibble! | Is one udder better than another udder? |
Sandy: We'll just have to milk them all! Sandy: Whoa, nelly! Good girl. Plankton: Huh? Don't you run dry on me, baby! Plankton: Come on! Flow already! Female Fangtooth Fish: Huh? Plankton: Uh, nice fishy-fishy. I—I don't suppose you like chumsicles. Plankton: Yeah! Thanks for the fish milk, Ugly! Male Fangtooth Fish: You're not ugly, darling. You've got character. Female Fangtooth Fish: Aww! Plankton: Oh, shrimp! Guess I'll have to take the long walk to the back exit. ] Sandy: SpongeBob, what are we doing here? The Flying Dutchman's about as welcoming as an outhouse breeze! | It's on the list. See? Ghost dandruff. |
Flying Dutchman: With my face, I can say anything and make it sound scary! One large skinny pumpkin latte with soy milk, please? Flying Dutchman: Forty percent chance of rain tonight as we head into the weekend. | Got it! |
Flying Dutchman: Ah! Ow! Uh! What the?! How dare you steal my dandruff! I've been drying me scalp for centuries in order to achieve the perfect dermatitis flakes! Plankton: Maybe some skull and shoulders would help? | Well, we got everything on the list. Oh, Mr. Krabs will be so proud of me! |
Sandy: I hope so, because that's the craziest group of ingredients I ever—Whoa! Plankton: There is one more thing I needed to get on my shopping list. Everything! Thanks for doing it for me! So long, chumps! Plankton: At last! The Krabby Patty secret ingredients are in my hands! | Aw, my ingredients! |
Sandy: My submarine! Yeti Crab: My hair! French Narrator: Later… Yeti Crab: Thanks for the wig. Sandy: No problem! It'll grow back. | And you even had enough to cover his buns. Oh, Mr. Krabs! I got all the secret ingredients on your list, but Plankton stole them all! I made the apocalypse! |
Mr. Krabs: Now, now, son. You didn't make the apocalypse. I couldn't afford to have Plankton following me while I was getting the real ingredients at the Barg'N-Mart, could I? Fred: My leg! | So, my list was a fake? So, no apocalypse? |
Mr. Krabs: No apocalypse. | I saved the world! No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse! |
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