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rhr07i | legaladvice_train | 0.87 | is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you? | hotllvw | hou799l | 1,639,684,715 | 1,639,693,244 | 3 | 11 | In New York at least it is. Very illegal much child abuse. My mom choked me out in school once and I was 17 the school offered to call CPS and I told them it was all right I just go live with my dad for the rest of the year. They asked me numerous times if I was sure and I said "Yeah I'll just go live with my dad." He hadn't tried to choke me since I was about 12 and we didn't talk too much anymore so living in his house wasn't going to be a huge issue. It's a running pattern in my family my uncle also choked me numerous times when I was little every time he got mad. And my dad blamed it on his reflexes from taking martial arts. I just want to tell you that it is very not good. Choosing a less abusive parent to live with over a very abusive parent isn't a good decision either. If you fight back physically, do it just enough so that you can get away and call the cops. | Choking is always child abuse, no matter the age. Also, choking often precedes murder in domestic violence situations, so don't take this lightly. If your parent has choked you, please tell a trusted adult like a teacher, counselor, CPS, or the police. If your parent is choking you, call 911 as fast as you safely can. | 0 | 8,529 | 3.666667 |
rhr07i | legaladvice_train | 0.87 | is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you? | hou799l | hot0x7u | 1,639,693,244 | 1,639,676,617 | 11 | 4 | Choking is always child abuse, no matter the age. Also, choking often precedes murder in domestic violence situations, so don't take this lightly. If your parent has choked you, please tell a trusted adult like a teacher, counselor, CPS, or the police. If your parent is choking you, call 911 as fast as you safely can. | Yes, it is child abuse. No, it is not disrespectful to fight back against anyone choking you, parents included. | 1 | 16,627 | 2.75 |
rhr07i | legaladvice_train | 0.87 | is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you? | hou799l | hot6mnx | 1,639,693,244 | 1,639,678,829 | 11 | 3 | Choking is always child abuse, no matter the age. Also, choking often precedes murder in domestic violence situations, so don't take this lightly. If your parent has choked you, please tell a trusted adult like a teacher, counselor, CPS, or the police. If your parent is choking you, call 911 as fast as you safely can. | It is child abuse to choke your child, regardless of their age. It is NEVER disrespectful to try to protect yourself against an attack like that. | 1 | 14,415 | 3.666667 |
rhr07i | legaladvice_train | 0.87 | is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you? | hou799l | hotlgjx | 1,639,693,244 | 1,639,684,657 | 11 | 3 | Choking is always child abuse, no matter the age. Also, choking often precedes murder in domestic violence situations, so don't take this lightly. If your parent has choked you, please tell a trusted adult like a teacher, counselor, CPS, or the police. If your parent is choking you, call 911 as fast as you safely can. | Choking is child abuse. Protecting yourself is NEVER disrespectful, no one has the right to choke you. EVER. Not even your parents. Instead of a plan to fight back, maybe there's a grown up in your life that you trust, that you could speak with about this? I only suggest that because violent interactions can spiral out of control so quickly and you don't want to put yourself in more danger than you already are. | 1 | 8,587 | 3.666667 |
rhr07i | legaladvice_train | 0.87 | is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you? | hou9267 | hotllvw | 1,639,693,991 | 1,639,684,715 | 5 | 3 | I’d call the police. | In New York at least it is. Very illegal much child abuse. My mom choked me out in school once and I was 17 the school offered to call CPS and I told them it was all right I just go live with my dad for the rest of the year. They asked me numerous times if I was sure and I said "Yeah I'll just go live with my dad." He hadn't tried to choke me since I was about 12 and we didn't talk too much anymore so living in his house wasn't going to be a huge issue. It's a running pattern in my family my uncle also choked me numerous times when I was little every time he got mad. And my dad blamed it on his reflexes from taking martial arts. I just want to tell you that it is very not good. Choosing a less abusive parent to live with over a very abusive parent isn't a good decision either. If you fight back physically, do it just enough so that you can get away and call the cops. | 1 | 9,276 | 1.666667 |
rhr07i | legaladvice_train | 0.87 | is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you? | hot0x7u | hou9267 | 1,639,676,617 | 1,639,693,991 | 4 | 5 | Yes, it is child abuse. No, it is not disrespectful to fight back against anyone choking you, parents included. | I’d call the police. | 0 | 17,374 | 1.25 |
rhr07i | legaladvice_train | 0.87 | is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you? | hot6mnx | hou9267 | 1,639,678,829 | 1,639,693,991 | 3 | 5 | It is child abuse to choke your child, regardless of their age. It is NEVER disrespectful to try to protect yourself against an attack like that. | I’d call the police. | 0 | 15,162 | 1.666667 |
rhr07i | legaladvice_train | 0.87 | is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you? | hou9267 | hotlgjx | 1,639,693,991 | 1,639,684,657 | 5 | 3 | I’d call the police. | Choking is child abuse. Protecting yourself is NEVER disrespectful, no one has the right to choke you. EVER. Not even your parents. Instead of a plan to fight back, maybe there's a grown up in your life that you trust, that you could speak with about this? I only suggest that because violent interactions can spiral out of control so quickly and you don't want to put yourself in more danger than you already are. | 1 | 9,334 | 1.666667 |
rhr07i | legaladvice_train | 0.87 | is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you? | hou9glw | hotllvw | 1,639,694,161 | 1,639,684,715 | 4 | 3 | Yes it is child abuse. If that is happening to you, you should tell a teacher, pastor, law enforcement etc. | In New York at least it is. Very illegal much child abuse. My mom choked me out in school once and I was 17 the school offered to call CPS and I told them it was all right I just go live with my dad for the rest of the year. They asked me numerous times if I was sure and I said "Yeah I'll just go live with my dad." He hadn't tried to choke me since I was about 12 and we didn't talk too much anymore so living in his house wasn't going to be a huge issue. It's a running pattern in my family my uncle also choked me numerous times when I was little every time he got mad. And my dad blamed it on his reflexes from taking martial arts. I just want to tell you that it is very not good. Choosing a less abusive parent to live with over a very abusive parent isn't a good decision either. If you fight back physically, do it just enough so that you can get away and call the cops. | 1 | 9,446 | 1.333333 |
rhr07i | legaladvice_train | 0.87 | is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you? | hou9glw | hot6mnx | 1,639,694,161 | 1,639,678,829 | 4 | 3 | Yes it is child abuse. If that is happening to you, you should tell a teacher, pastor, law enforcement etc. | It is child abuse to choke your child, regardless of their age. It is NEVER disrespectful to try to protect yourself against an attack like that. | 1 | 15,332 | 1.333333 |
rhr07i | legaladvice_train | 0.87 | is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you? | hou9glw | hotlgjx | 1,639,694,161 | 1,639,684,657 | 4 | 3 | Yes it is child abuse. If that is happening to you, you should tell a teacher, pastor, law enforcement etc. | Choking is child abuse. Protecting yourself is NEVER disrespectful, no one has the right to choke you. EVER. Not even your parents. Instead of a plan to fight back, maybe there's a grown up in your life that you trust, that you could speak with about this? I only suggest that because violent interactions can spiral out of control so quickly and you don't want to put yourself in more danger than you already are. | 1 | 9,504 | 1.333333 |
u36w4h | legaladvice_train | 0.84 | 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | i4nmwws | i4ngtqz | 1,649,906,578 | 1,649,903,585 | 3,607 | 379 | I don't want to sound dismissive, but you should find a way to make sure it wasn't just the guy's belt knot before ruining his life. | I mean in an armbar the opponents arm is against your junk.. how long is an extended time? Time used to explain a move to other people? How many ppl saw this and didn't think anything of it? He could tell it erect with the back of his tricep/forearm through a gi and no one else noticed? Honestly doesn't sound like you have anything based on the limited info. | 1 | 2,993 | 9.51715 |
u36w4h | legaladvice_train | 0.84 | 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | i4nnvc4 | i4ngtqz | 1,649,907,083 | 1,649,903,585 | 2,121 | 379 | In a contact sport, I would assume the instructor was wearing a protective cup, before I thought erection. And as others have said, what was the position of the belt knot? Be 100% sure of your facts, before you go ruining this guys life. | I mean in an armbar the opponents arm is against your junk.. how long is an extended time? Time used to explain a move to other people? How many ppl saw this and didn't think anything of it? He could tell it erect with the back of his tricep/forearm through a gi and no one else noticed? Honestly doesn't sound like you have anything based on the limited info. | 1 | 3,498 | 5.596306 |
u36w4h | legaladvice_train | 0.84 | 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | i4ngtqz | i4nwa7z | 1,649,903,585 | 1,649,911,883 | 379 | 1,121 | I mean in an armbar the opponents arm is against your junk.. how long is an extended time? Time used to explain a move to other people? How many ppl saw this and didn't think anything of it? He could tell it erect with the back of his tricep/forearm through a gi and no one else noticed? Honestly doesn't sound like you have anything based on the limited info. | An armbar is an incredibly standard maneuver in which an arm may be pressed against a groin. Doing it for a prolonged period is standard in a demonstration. A belt knot, a protective groin guard can both feel like an erection. Happening to have an erection during a martial arts class is not a crime. You have very little case. | 0 | 8,298 | 2.957784 |
u36w4h | legaladvice_train | 0.84 | 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | i4nwa7z | i4nv538 | 1,649,911,883 | 1,649,911,173 | 1,121 | 158 | An armbar is an incredibly standard maneuver in which an arm may be pressed against a groin. Doing it for a prolonged period is standard in a demonstration. A belt knot, a protective groin guard can both feel like an erection. Happening to have an erection during a martial arts class is not a crime. You have very little case. | As someone who takes jiu-jitsu it could've been a belt knot, cup, maybe a penis? Honestly it's a contact sport and shit is gonna happen. If something happens again that's not a coincidence. | 1 | 710 | 7.094937 |
u36w4h | legaladvice_train | 0.84 | 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | i4ngtqz | i4o0mfg | 1,649,903,585 | 1,649,914,789 | 379 | 846 | I mean in an armbar the opponents arm is against your junk.. how long is an extended time? Time used to explain a move to other people? How many ppl saw this and didn't think anything of it? He could tell it erect with the back of his tricep/forearm through a gi and no one else noticed? Honestly doesn't sound like you have anything based on the limited info. | Ask to attend the class next time. Be concerned if they say no. If they let you observe pay attention to the moves. Most martial arts will have much more contact during training then they show on TV (both in media and the olympics) it is not uncommon for a child who is not used to the close contact to be uncomfortable. You should be a presence in the room so your son knows you have his back. When I took judo,aikido, and karate in college it was really uncomfortable the first few times I had to throw or put in a hold or be put in a hold or thrown etc. I can understand how especially to a teenager, that all contact may feel like intimate contact especially when they feel helpless and overpowered. If your son is ever feels uncomfortable he should be able to tap out and be released from any hold. If he tried to tap out and they did not let him go then he needs to find another place to train. Martial arts are about respect for your self, your instructor, and your body. If he isn't comfortable then it's not worth it. | 0 | 11,204 | 2.23219 |
u36w4h | legaladvice_train | 0.84 | 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | i4o0mfg | i4nv538 | 1,649,914,789 | 1,649,911,173 | 846 | 158 | Ask to attend the class next time. Be concerned if they say no. If they let you observe pay attention to the moves. Most martial arts will have much more contact during training then they show on TV (both in media and the olympics) it is not uncommon for a child who is not used to the close contact to be uncomfortable. You should be a presence in the room so your son knows you have his back. When I took judo,aikido, and karate in college it was really uncomfortable the first few times I had to throw or put in a hold or be put in a hold or thrown etc. I can understand how especially to a teenager, that all contact may feel like intimate contact especially when they feel helpless and overpowered. If your son is ever feels uncomfortable he should be able to tap out and be released from any hold. If he tried to tap out and they did not let him go then he needs to find another place to train. Martial arts are about respect for your self, your instructor, and your body. If he isn't comfortable then it's not worth it. | As someone who takes jiu-jitsu it could've been a belt knot, cup, maybe a penis? Honestly it's a contact sport and shit is gonna happen. If something happens again that's not a coincidence. | 1 | 3,616 | 5.35443 |
u36w4h | legaladvice_train | 0.84 | 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | i4ngtqz | i4o266e | 1,649,903,585 | 1,649,915,907 | 379 | 569 | I mean in an armbar the opponents arm is against your junk.. how long is an extended time? Time used to explain a move to other people? How many ppl saw this and didn't think anything of it? He could tell it erect with the back of his tricep/forearm through a gi and no one else noticed? Honestly doesn't sound like you have anything based on the limited info. | Been training BJJ for 4 years and I can assure you that was a Venom Challenger or a Shock Doctor and not his dick. Maybe it's time to find your son a new sport. Getting squeezed, pulled and held in uncomfortable positions sorta is the name of the game here. | 0 | 12,322 | 1.501319 |
u36w4h | legaladvice_train | 0.84 | 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | i4nv538 | i4o266e | 1,649,911,173 | 1,649,915,907 | 158 | 569 | As someone who takes jiu-jitsu it could've been a belt knot, cup, maybe a penis? Honestly it's a contact sport and shit is gonna happen. If something happens again that's not a coincidence. | Been training BJJ for 4 years and I can assure you that was a Venom Challenger or a Shock Doctor and not his dick. Maybe it's time to find your son a new sport. Getting squeezed, pulled and held in uncomfortable positions sorta is the name of the game here. | 0 | 4,734 | 3.601266 |
u36w4h | legaladvice_train | 0.84 | 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | i4ngtqz | i4ofieh | 1,649,903,585 | 1,649,926,807 | 379 | 533 | I mean in an armbar the opponents arm is against your junk.. how long is an extended time? Time used to explain a move to other people? How many ppl saw this and didn't think anything of it? He could tell it erect with the back of his tricep/forearm through a gi and no one else noticed? Honestly doesn't sound like you have anything based on the limited info. | Arm bar demos are kind of definitionally that way. https://duckduckgo.com/?t=ffab&q=bjj+arm+bar&iax=images&ia=images And demos usually are for an extended period. As others have said, decent odds it was a cup or knot. But if your son felt uncomfortable, please be supportive of him & find another martial art that isn't high contact. There are plenty out there. | 0 | 23,222 | 1.406332 |
u36w4h | legaladvice_train | 0.84 | 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | i4ofieh | i4o8uux | 1,649,926,807 | 1,649,921,150 | 533 | 162 | Arm bar demos are kind of definitionally that way. https://duckduckgo.com/?t=ffab&q=bjj+arm+bar&iax=images&ia=images And demos usually are for an extended period. As others have said, decent odds it was a cup or knot. But if your son felt uncomfortable, please be supportive of him & find another martial art that isn't high contact. There are plenty out there. | As others have said, it may just be a cup. In a contact sport like that, and especially with younger kids, I know you couldn't pay me enough money to not wear one in that class. While I'm not a lawyer, I'd say that legal action is an overreaction at this point. If he's using your son for a demonstration, it is pretty normal for those types of maneuvers to be held for extended periods of time so the rest of the class can see. Additionally, the move itself is one that innately has a serious risk of groin grazing. Add the demonstration and the nature of the move together, and you have someone who is trying to show proper technique for an extended period of time. Again, I'm not a lawyer, but I highly doubt you have a case. If anything, you'd be opening yourself up to a countersuit once the claim got out and (most likely) destroyed his reputation and business. ​ At the VERY least, before you sue, talk to the instructor. Like others have said, it's highly likely the guy is using a cup. If you want to avoid this type of mix up in the future, get a new instructor and tell them you don't want any techniques that might involve the groin. | 1 | 5,657 | 3.290123 |
u36w4h | legaladvice_train | 0.84 | 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | i4nv538 | i4ofieh | 1,649,911,173 | 1,649,926,807 | 158 | 533 | As someone who takes jiu-jitsu it could've been a belt knot, cup, maybe a penis? Honestly it's a contact sport and shit is gonna happen. If something happens again that's not a coincidence. | Arm bar demos are kind of definitionally that way. https://duckduckgo.com/?t=ffab&q=bjj+arm+bar&iax=images&ia=images And demos usually are for an extended period. As others have said, decent odds it was a cup or knot. But if your son felt uncomfortable, please be supportive of him & find another martial art that isn't high contact. There are plenty out there. | 0 | 15,634 | 3.373418 |
u36w4h | legaladvice_train | 0.84 | 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | i4nv538 | i4o8uux | 1,649,911,173 | 1,649,921,150 | 158 | 162 | As someone who takes jiu-jitsu it could've been a belt knot, cup, maybe a penis? Honestly it's a contact sport and shit is gonna happen. If something happens again that's not a coincidence. | As others have said, it may just be a cup. In a contact sport like that, and especially with younger kids, I know you couldn't pay me enough money to not wear one in that class. While I'm not a lawyer, I'd say that legal action is an overreaction at this point. If he's using your son for a demonstration, it is pretty normal for those types of maneuvers to be held for extended periods of time so the rest of the class can see. Additionally, the move itself is one that innately has a serious risk of groin grazing. Add the demonstration and the nature of the move together, and you have someone who is trying to show proper technique for an extended period of time. Again, I'm not a lawyer, but I highly doubt you have a case. If anything, you'd be opening yourself up to a countersuit once the claim got out and (most likely) destroyed his reputation and business. ​ At the VERY least, before you sue, talk to the instructor. Like others have said, it's highly likely the guy is using a cup. If you want to avoid this type of mix up in the future, get a new instructor and tell them you don't want any techniques that might involve the groin. | 0 | 9,977 | 1.025316 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct12wox | ct0w8ox | 1,436,739,645 | 1,436,727,412 | 92 | 69 | Your lawyer really sucks if he told you going to the police to report your child being sexually assaulted may cause her to wind up in foster care. Like, really sucks. | STOP. GO TO THE COPS. do not pass go, do not collect $200 Now, that you've talked to the police, talk to your lawyer and try to get the custody agreement changed. | 1 | 12,233 | 1.333333 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct0y1bi | ct12wox | 1,436,730,812 | 1,436,739,645 | 25 | 92 | GO TO THE **COPS** | Your lawyer really sucks if he told you going to the police to report your child being sexually assaulted may cause her to wind up in foster care. Like, really sucks. | 0 | 8,833 | 3.68 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct12wox | ct0y6l8 | 1,436,739,645 | 1,436,731,078 | 92 | 24 | Your lawyer really sucks if he told you going to the police to report your child being sexually assaulted may cause her to wind up in foster care. Like, really sucks. | I'm gonna make this real clear to you, so hopefully you understand what I'm trying to say , "CALL THE FUCKING POLICE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" Do not spend one more second not looking for your phone to get in contact with them. | 1 | 8,567 | 3.833333 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct11l97 | ct12wox | 1,436,737,293 | 1,436,739,645 | 20 | 92 | You should have gone to your doctor or to cps. You could be perceived as coaching your daughter. | Your lawyer really sucks if he told you going to the police to report your child being sexually assaulted may cause her to wind up in foster care. Like, really sucks. | 0 | 2,352 | 4.6 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct0xn8e | ct12wox | 1,436,730,080 | 1,436,739,645 | 18 | 92 | OMG why haven't you gone to the police? What the fuck are you hoping a lawyer will do? You are letting your daughters be around someone who you believe molested them? | Your lawyer really sucks if he told you going to the police to report your child being sexually assaulted may cause her to wind up in foster care. Like, really sucks. | 0 | 9,565 | 5.111111 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct12wox | ct11xxo | 1,436,739,645 | 1,436,737,938 | 92 | 8 | Your lawyer really sucks if he told you going to the police to report your child being sexually assaulted may cause her to wind up in foster care. Like, really sucks. | I am not a lawyer, but I do work in a school and have worked with CPS before. They are always EXTREMELY reluctant to place a child in foster care if there is a viable alternative elsewhere. The last thing they want to do is remove a child from their family, and they'll pursue every avenue possible before doing that. Call CPS now and talk to them. They may be able to help you through the process of talking to the police. As for slander, again I am not a lawyer but I am a mandatory reporter and there is no way that you could be succesfully sued for reporting something like this. | 1 | 1,707 | 11.5 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct0y1bi | ct14ma1 | 1,436,730,812 | 1,436,742,835 | 25 | 53 | GO TO THE **COPS** | I work in CPS. Here's my two cents based on Texas, US. File a police report. Either they call it in to CPS themselves or you will, depends on the officer you initially speak with. CPS investigator and detective will work together on a joint investigation. Next is a forensic interview. Someone trained on asking children non-leading, age appropriate questions will talk to your daughter. This is video taped and can be used in the criminal investigation against the "alleged perpetrator". Your kid will not go into foster care. You are a wiling and cooperative protective parent. If i were your caseworker, i would arrange a safety plan for you to be primary caregiver until it's sorted out. Safety plans can also state that mom has supervised visits, child may go to mom's only if she agrees to no unsupervised time between daughter and boyfriend, etc. Note: CPS doesn't deal with custody. If your wife refuses to give up her court ordered visits, CPS will take the case to court to suspend her visits until it's sorted out. I could go on and on about how I would handle this. It can be different based on your caseworker and Canada's CPS policies. However, I believe their philosophy should be the same: **keep families together however possible unless they are an immediate threat to the child and/or refuse to protect the child**. | 0 | 12,023 | 2.12 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct0y6l8 | ct14ma1 | 1,436,731,078 | 1,436,742,835 | 24 | 53 | I'm gonna make this real clear to you, so hopefully you understand what I'm trying to say , "CALL THE FUCKING POLICE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" Do not spend one more second not looking for your phone to get in contact with them. | I work in CPS. Here's my two cents based on Texas, US. File a police report. Either they call it in to CPS themselves or you will, depends on the officer you initially speak with. CPS investigator and detective will work together on a joint investigation. Next is a forensic interview. Someone trained on asking children non-leading, age appropriate questions will talk to your daughter. This is video taped and can be used in the criminal investigation against the "alleged perpetrator". Your kid will not go into foster care. You are a wiling and cooperative protective parent. If i were your caseworker, i would arrange a safety plan for you to be primary caregiver until it's sorted out. Safety plans can also state that mom has supervised visits, child may go to mom's only if she agrees to no unsupervised time between daughter and boyfriend, etc. Note: CPS doesn't deal with custody. If your wife refuses to give up her court ordered visits, CPS will take the case to court to suspend her visits until it's sorted out. I could go on and on about how I would handle this. It can be different based on your caseworker and Canada's CPS policies. However, I believe their philosophy should be the same: **keep families together however possible unless they are an immediate threat to the child and/or refuse to protect the child**. | 0 | 11,757 | 2.208333 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct14ma1 | ct11l97 | 1,436,742,835 | 1,436,737,293 | 53 | 20 | I work in CPS. Here's my two cents based on Texas, US. File a police report. Either they call it in to CPS themselves or you will, depends on the officer you initially speak with. CPS investigator and detective will work together on a joint investigation. Next is a forensic interview. Someone trained on asking children non-leading, age appropriate questions will talk to your daughter. This is video taped and can be used in the criminal investigation against the "alleged perpetrator". Your kid will not go into foster care. You are a wiling and cooperative protective parent. If i were your caseworker, i would arrange a safety plan for you to be primary caregiver until it's sorted out. Safety plans can also state that mom has supervised visits, child may go to mom's only if she agrees to no unsupervised time between daughter and boyfriend, etc. Note: CPS doesn't deal with custody. If your wife refuses to give up her court ordered visits, CPS will take the case to court to suspend her visits until it's sorted out. I could go on and on about how I would handle this. It can be different based on your caseworker and Canada's CPS policies. However, I believe their philosophy should be the same: **keep families together however possible unless they are an immediate threat to the child and/or refuse to protect the child**. | You should have gone to your doctor or to cps. You could be perceived as coaching your daughter. | 1 | 5,542 | 2.65 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct0xn8e | ct14ma1 | 1,436,730,080 | 1,436,742,835 | 18 | 53 | OMG why haven't you gone to the police? What the fuck are you hoping a lawyer will do? You are letting your daughters be around someone who you believe molested them? | I work in CPS. Here's my two cents based on Texas, US. File a police report. Either they call it in to CPS themselves or you will, depends on the officer you initially speak with. CPS investigator and detective will work together on a joint investigation. Next is a forensic interview. Someone trained on asking children non-leading, age appropriate questions will talk to your daughter. This is video taped and can be used in the criminal investigation against the "alleged perpetrator". Your kid will not go into foster care. You are a wiling and cooperative protective parent. If i were your caseworker, i would arrange a safety plan for you to be primary caregiver until it's sorted out. Safety plans can also state that mom has supervised visits, child may go to mom's only if she agrees to no unsupervised time between daughter and boyfriend, etc. Note: CPS doesn't deal with custody. If your wife refuses to give up her court ordered visits, CPS will take the case to court to suspend her visits until it's sorted out. I could go on and on about how I would handle this. It can be different based on your caseworker and Canada's CPS policies. However, I believe their philosophy should be the same: **keep families together however possible unless they are an immediate threat to the child and/or refuse to protect the child**. | 0 | 12,755 | 2.944444 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct1378w | ct14ma1 | 1,436,740,155 | 1,436,742,835 | 13 | 53 | CALL THE POLICE. | I work in CPS. Here's my two cents based on Texas, US. File a police report. Either they call it in to CPS themselves or you will, depends on the officer you initially speak with. CPS investigator and detective will work together on a joint investigation. Next is a forensic interview. Someone trained on asking children non-leading, age appropriate questions will talk to your daughter. This is video taped and can be used in the criminal investigation against the "alleged perpetrator". Your kid will not go into foster care. You are a wiling and cooperative protective parent. If i were your caseworker, i would arrange a safety plan for you to be primary caregiver until it's sorted out. Safety plans can also state that mom has supervised visits, child may go to mom's only if she agrees to no unsupervised time between daughter and boyfriend, etc. Note: CPS doesn't deal with custody. If your wife refuses to give up her court ordered visits, CPS will take the case to court to suspend her visits until it's sorted out. I could go on and on about how I would handle this. It can be different based on your caseworker and Canada's CPS policies. However, I believe their philosophy should be the same: **keep families together however possible unless they are an immediate threat to the child and/or refuse to protect the child**. | 0 | 2,680 | 4.076923 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct11xxo | ct14ma1 | 1,436,737,938 | 1,436,742,835 | 8 | 53 | I am not a lawyer, but I do work in a school and have worked with CPS before. They are always EXTREMELY reluctant to place a child in foster care if there is a viable alternative elsewhere. The last thing they want to do is remove a child from their family, and they'll pursue every avenue possible before doing that. Call CPS now and talk to them. They may be able to help you through the process of talking to the police. As for slander, again I am not a lawyer but I am a mandatory reporter and there is no way that you could be succesfully sued for reporting something like this. | I work in CPS. Here's my two cents based on Texas, US. File a police report. Either they call it in to CPS themselves or you will, depends on the officer you initially speak with. CPS investigator and detective will work together on a joint investigation. Next is a forensic interview. Someone trained on asking children non-leading, age appropriate questions will talk to your daughter. This is video taped and can be used in the criminal investigation against the "alleged perpetrator". Your kid will not go into foster care. You are a wiling and cooperative protective parent. If i were your caseworker, i would arrange a safety plan for you to be primary caregiver until it's sorted out. Safety plans can also state that mom has supervised visits, child may go to mom's only if she agrees to no unsupervised time between daughter and boyfriend, etc. Note: CPS doesn't deal with custody. If your wife refuses to give up her court ordered visits, CPS will take the case to court to suspend her visits until it's sorted out. I could go on and on about how I would handle this. It can be different based on your caseworker and Canada's CPS policies. However, I believe their philosophy should be the same: **keep families together however possible unless they are an immediate threat to the child and/or refuse to protect the child**. | 0 | 4,897 | 6.625 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct0xn8e | ct0y1bi | 1,436,730,080 | 1,436,730,812 | 18 | 25 | OMG why haven't you gone to the police? What the fuck are you hoping a lawyer will do? You are letting your daughters be around someone who you believe molested them? | GO TO THE **COPS** | 0 | 732 | 1.388889 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct0xn8e | ct0y6l8 | 1,436,730,080 | 1,436,731,078 | 18 | 24 | OMG why haven't you gone to the police? What the fuck are you hoping a lawyer will do? You are letting your daughters be around someone who you believe molested them? | I'm gonna make this real clear to you, so hopefully you understand what I'm trying to say , "CALL THE FUCKING POLICE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" Do not spend one more second not looking for your phone to get in contact with them. | 0 | 998 | 1.333333 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct11l97 | ct0xn8e | 1,436,737,293 | 1,436,730,080 | 20 | 18 | You should have gone to your doctor or to cps. You could be perceived as coaching your daughter. | OMG why haven't you gone to the police? What the fuck are you hoping a lawyer will do? You are letting your daughters be around someone who you believe molested them? | 1 | 7,213 | 1.111111 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct11xxo | ct1378w | 1,436,737,938 | 1,436,740,155 | 8 | 13 | I am not a lawyer, but I do work in a school and have worked with CPS before. They are always EXTREMELY reluctant to place a child in foster care if there is a viable alternative elsewhere. The last thing they want to do is remove a child from their family, and they'll pursue every avenue possible before doing that. Call CPS now and talk to them. They may be able to help you through the process of talking to the police. As for slander, again I am not a lawyer but I am a mandatory reporter and there is no way that you could be succesfully sued for reporting something like this. | CALL THE POLICE. | 0 | 2,217 | 1.625 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct16uf0 | ct1cgfx | 1,436,747,154 | 1,436,757,925 | 9 | 10 | What usually happens when you report suspected child abuse varies from incident to incident. When you call CPS the phone call takes anywhere from 30-45 mins wherein they ask you a lot of questions about the allegations. The responder then makes a decision of the assignment level (three levels that have a corresponding window for when you can expect to have a CPS agent go out). Because your allegations are sexual in nature and the alleged perpetrator is in the household, I would guess that they would get an immediate response (that day). The CPS agent and a police officer and the child would be taken. A decision is then made about the placement of the child with his/her safety being the main concern. CPS will always try to keep the family together, but because the offender is in the household I would assume you would get custody until this is settled (unless of course your ex wife gives this creep the boot). After this, it is likely that very soon after the child is taken to a child advocacy center. The CAC is important because their interviewers are specialized in questioning children in the most open way possible. Asking the questions the right way is important because it will impact its presentation in court. Though I can't say whether or not these allegations are true what I can say is that it is extremely important that you report this. From what I've read there seems like something is occuring (what she's told you combined with the very drastic behavioural changes) and it's important that you think of your daughters safety first and foremost. Source: interned at a Child advocacy center along with a variety of classes on child maltreatment. | Sudden shyness, moodiness, and bed wetting are all signs of trauma in 2-5 year olds. Children do not lie about sexual assault. Children do not make sexual assault up. Your child is being abused. Accept that and get her help. Now. More info on Trauma Responses in Children: http://www.secasa.com.au/pages/trauma-responses-in-children/ | 0 | 10,771 | 1.111111 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct161iw | ct16uf0 | 1,436,745,629 | 1,436,747,154 | 7 | 9 | You owe it to your child to press charges and your other child too. Screw her and her BF. Of course he is threatening legal action, as a scare tactic in my opinion. Keep us updated. | What usually happens when you report suspected child abuse varies from incident to incident. When you call CPS the phone call takes anywhere from 30-45 mins wherein they ask you a lot of questions about the allegations. The responder then makes a decision of the assignment level (three levels that have a corresponding window for when you can expect to have a CPS agent go out). Because your allegations are sexual in nature and the alleged perpetrator is in the household, I would guess that they would get an immediate response (that day). The CPS agent and a police officer and the child would be taken. A decision is then made about the placement of the child with his/her safety being the main concern. CPS will always try to keep the family together, but because the offender is in the household I would assume you would get custody until this is settled (unless of course your ex wife gives this creep the boot). After this, it is likely that very soon after the child is taken to a child advocacy center. The CAC is important because their interviewers are specialized in questioning children in the most open way possible. Asking the questions the right way is important because it will impact its presentation in court. Though I can't say whether or not these allegations are true what I can say is that it is extremely important that you report this. From what I've read there seems like something is occuring (what she's told you combined with the very drastic behavioural changes) and it's important that you think of your daughters safety first and foremost. Source: interned at a Child advocacy center along with a variety of classes on child maltreatment. | 0 | 1,525 | 1.285714 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct16uf0 | ct11xxo | 1,436,747,154 | 1,436,737,938 | 9 | 8 | What usually happens when you report suspected child abuse varies from incident to incident. When you call CPS the phone call takes anywhere from 30-45 mins wherein they ask you a lot of questions about the allegations. The responder then makes a decision of the assignment level (three levels that have a corresponding window for when you can expect to have a CPS agent go out). Because your allegations are sexual in nature and the alleged perpetrator is in the household, I would guess that they would get an immediate response (that day). The CPS agent and a police officer and the child would be taken. A decision is then made about the placement of the child with his/her safety being the main concern. CPS will always try to keep the family together, but because the offender is in the household I would assume you would get custody until this is settled (unless of course your ex wife gives this creep the boot). After this, it is likely that very soon after the child is taken to a child advocacy center. The CAC is important because their interviewers are specialized in questioning children in the most open way possible. Asking the questions the right way is important because it will impact its presentation in court. Though I can't say whether or not these allegations are true what I can say is that it is extremely important that you report this. From what I've read there seems like something is occuring (what she's told you combined with the very drastic behavioural changes) and it's important that you think of your daughters safety first and foremost. Source: interned at a Child advocacy center along with a variety of classes on child maltreatment. | I am not a lawyer, but I do work in a school and have worked with CPS before. They are always EXTREMELY reluctant to place a child in foster care if there is a viable alternative elsewhere. The last thing they want to do is remove a child from their family, and they'll pursue every avenue possible before doing that. Call CPS now and talk to them. They may be able to help you through the process of talking to the police. As for slander, again I am not a lawyer but I am a mandatory reporter and there is no way that you could be succesfully sued for reporting something like this. | 1 | 9,216 | 1.125 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct161iw | ct1cgfx | 1,436,745,629 | 1,436,757,925 | 7 | 10 | You owe it to your child to press charges and your other child too. Screw her and her BF. Of course he is threatening legal action, as a scare tactic in my opinion. Keep us updated. | Sudden shyness, moodiness, and bed wetting are all signs of trauma in 2-5 year olds. Children do not lie about sexual assault. Children do not make sexual assault up. Your child is being abused. Accept that and get her help. Now. More info on Trauma Responses in Children: http://www.secasa.com.au/pages/trauma-responses-in-children/ | 0 | 12,296 | 1.428571 |
3d15aq | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [Serious] My child told me she is being touched inappropriately by my ex wife's new boyfriend Hello, I am going through a separation. I moved out of our house in April and I found out that my wife (or ex wife) has started dating somebody in the beginning of June. Since the middle of June, I know that she already introduced her new boyfriend to our two kids - 7 and 3 years old. In my opinion that fact was already way out of place. But she does not care. Her needs seem to be more important than her children's needs. Anyway - first weekend of July, my 3 year old was with me for the weekend - the older one was traveling with my ex wife. While I was talking with my 3 year old girl, she told me that her boyfriend was being mean to her. She mentioned something like that a 2 weeks before already but I did not take that too serious because it could mean anything. But now she continued to tell me that he touched her chest - she had open heart surgery and has a scar on her chest. She indicated the area where she was touched and she said he pushed really hard. I immediately called my ex wife to tell her about this accusation. My ex wife picked up the phone, I told her what was said by her daughter. She told me to fuck off and not ruin her trip and hung up on me. As it was a weekend, I could not get a hold of my lawyer to ask him what to do... so I decided to record anything she would tell me on video. The next morning I recorded her on video, while we were playing, asking her if she could repeat what she told me the day before about my ex's boyfriend. She again indicated the area she was touched and also said he did it. On Sunday, while we were on the playground, during a break, my daughter started to hold her private parts... I asked what was wrong and she said he touched her here and poked her, while she was holding her private parts. On Monday, my ex wife stopped by at work and I told her about the accusations, and I showed her the video I made on Saturday. I also told her about what my daughter told me on Sunday at the playground. She had no reaction to it, just told me, she had to think about this. I told her that I do not want him around my child at any time. (He has basically moved into our house as per now - his car is in front of our house every day since July 6th) I told her that I would go to my lawyer to talk about this. Shortly after I received text messages from her boyfriend, threatening me with legal consequences (slander) if I would pursue this any further. He would sue me for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do... | ct11xxo | ct1cgfx | 1,436,737,938 | 1,436,757,925 | 8 | 10 | I am not a lawyer, but I do work in a school and have worked with CPS before. They are always EXTREMELY reluctant to place a child in foster care if there is a viable alternative elsewhere. The last thing they want to do is remove a child from their family, and they'll pursue every avenue possible before doing that. Call CPS now and talk to them. They may be able to help you through the process of talking to the police. As for slander, again I am not a lawyer but I am a mandatory reporter and there is no way that you could be succesfully sued for reporting something like this. | Sudden shyness, moodiness, and bed wetting are all signs of trauma in 2-5 year olds. Children do not lie about sexual assault. Children do not make sexual assault up. Your child is being abused. Accept that and get her help. Now. More info on Trauma Responses in Children: http://www.secasa.com.au/pages/trauma-responses-in-children/ | 0 | 19,987 | 1.25 |
9wwlt1 | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | My boss forged my signature and opened up a 401k in my name. He is the guarantor. I found out about it on accident. I do medical billing at a doctors office part time. I was sorting my papers as usual one morning when I came across something with my name on it. It had an account number and stated life insurance. I honestly thought it was a life insurance policy on myself and he was going to kill me or waiting for me to die. I called the company it was through. Turns out it’s a retirement fund. He’s the guarantor. I wasn’t able to find out any other information unless I get his consent. The operator did state that it’s impossible for me to have not known about this account because I would of had to sign for it. I’ve worked there for over 7 years and have never signed anything about a 401k. My check stubs do not show a 401k. I am certain I wasn’t supposed to find this. My boss is a pretty big douche for forging my signature and storing money in my name. I’m still not sure how it’ll benefit him. Some say he could cash it out after 7 years after i left. I don’t want to lose my job but I’d like my money. Or our money. Or can I even do anything about this. It can’t be legal. Oh and multiple employee names were on there and they have never heard anything about a 401k. Our job doesn’t even offer insurance or paid holidays or anything that would help or benefit us. | e9nuuuu | e9nz7s1 | 1,542,169,120 | 1,542,174,278 | 497 | 752 | I would be contacting an attorney & the states attorneys office to re coup that $$$ since it’s in your name technically and to have your boss arrested for fraud | Do not confront. Contact the Employee Benefits Security Administration (ESBA). This is a federal crime. 401k fraud by employers is done for the purposes of embezzling the funds, and it's not complicated to do. ​ It would be illogical he picked a part-timer to do this to, so likely all your co-workers are also being used. As a part-timer you are the least lucrative target. ​ If you do not deal with this, you may be held to account for unpaid federal taxes at a later date. Depending on how long this has been happening, that could be a lot of money. The total deferrals for 401k are around $50k per year: the worker can contribute $18k and the employer can match it, and then some. If he started this a year after you were hired, he may have embezzled $300k from you alone. | 0 | 5,158 | 1.513078 |
9wwlt1 | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | My boss forged my signature and opened up a 401k in my name. He is the guarantor. I found out about it on accident. I do medical billing at a doctors office part time. I was sorting my papers as usual one morning when I came across something with my name on it. It had an account number and stated life insurance. I honestly thought it was a life insurance policy on myself and he was going to kill me or waiting for me to die. I called the company it was through. Turns out it’s a retirement fund. He’s the guarantor. I wasn’t able to find out any other information unless I get his consent. The operator did state that it’s impossible for me to have not known about this account because I would of had to sign for it. I’ve worked there for over 7 years and have never signed anything about a 401k. My check stubs do not show a 401k. I am certain I wasn’t supposed to find this. My boss is a pretty big douche for forging my signature and storing money in my name. I’m still not sure how it’ll benefit him. Some say he could cash it out after 7 years after i left. I don’t want to lose my job but I’d like my money. Or our money. Or can I even do anything about this. It can’t be legal. Oh and multiple employee names were on there and they have never heard anything about a 401k. Our job doesn’t even offer insurance or paid holidays or anything that would help or benefit us. | e9nz7s1 | e9nwa03 | 1,542,174,278 | 1,542,170,703 | 752 | 52 | Do not confront. Contact the Employee Benefits Security Administration (ESBA). This is a federal crime. 401k fraud by employers is done for the purposes of embezzling the funds, and it's not complicated to do. ​ It would be illogical he picked a part-timer to do this to, so likely all your co-workers are also being used. As a part-timer you are the least lucrative target. ​ If you do not deal with this, you may be held to account for unpaid federal taxes at a later date. Depending on how long this has been happening, that could be a lot of money. The total deferrals for 401k are around $50k per year: the worker can contribute $18k and the employer can match it, and then some. If he started this a year after you were hired, he may have embezzled $300k from you alone. | Yeah, if other employees have one, too, this is probably not his first time. I am not a lawyer, but I would reach out to a lawyer before confronting your boss. If your boss claims you did sign it, you may need to bring in a hand-writing analyst. | 1 | 3,575 | 14.461538 |
9wwlt1 | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | My boss forged my signature and opened up a 401k in my name. He is the guarantor. I found out about it on accident. I do medical billing at a doctors office part time. I was sorting my papers as usual one morning when I came across something with my name on it. It had an account number and stated life insurance. I honestly thought it was a life insurance policy on myself and he was going to kill me or waiting for me to die. I called the company it was through. Turns out it’s a retirement fund. He’s the guarantor. I wasn’t able to find out any other information unless I get his consent. The operator did state that it’s impossible for me to have not known about this account because I would of had to sign for it. I’ve worked there for over 7 years and have never signed anything about a 401k. My check stubs do not show a 401k. I am certain I wasn’t supposed to find this. My boss is a pretty big douche for forging my signature and storing money in my name. I’m still not sure how it’ll benefit him. Some say he could cash it out after 7 years after i left. I don’t want to lose my job but I’d like my money. Or our money. Or can I even do anything about this. It can’t be legal. Oh and multiple employee names were on there and they have never heard anything about a 401k. Our job doesn’t even offer insurance or paid holidays or anything that would help or benefit us. | e9o2c2d | e9o72xw | 1,542,178,811 | 1,542,187,735 | 109 | 144 | Besides what has been said, a call to the IRS may be in order. You will get some of the seized money that he owes them. | I suspect he's making employer contributions to lower his taxes, and somehow plans to either reclaim the money later (a deferred income scheme) or thinks he can take distributions and have the taxes attributed to you. Either way, this is a stupid person. | 0 | 8,924 | 1.321101 |
9wwlt1 | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | My boss forged my signature and opened up a 401k in my name. He is the guarantor. I found out about it on accident. I do medical billing at a doctors office part time. I was sorting my papers as usual one morning when I came across something with my name on it. It had an account number and stated life insurance. I honestly thought it was a life insurance policy on myself and he was going to kill me or waiting for me to die. I called the company it was through. Turns out it’s a retirement fund. He’s the guarantor. I wasn’t able to find out any other information unless I get his consent. The operator did state that it’s impossible for me to have not known about this account because I would of had to sign for it. I’ve worked there for over 7 years and have never signed anything about a 401k. My check stubs do not show a 401k. I am certain I wasn’t supposed to find this. My boss is a pretty big douche for forging my signature and storing money in my name. I’m still not sure how it’ll benefit him. Some say he could cash it out after 7 years after i left. I don’t want to lose my job but I’d like my money. Or our money. Or can I even do anything about this. It can’t be legal. Oh and multiple employee names were on there and they have never heard anything about a 401k. Our job doesn’t even offer insurance or paid holidays or anything that would help or benefit us. | e9o72xw | e9nwa03 | 1,542,187,735 | 1,542,170,703 | 144 | 52 | I suspect he's making employer contributions to lower his taxes, and somehow plans to either reclaim the money later (a deferred income scheme) or thinks he can take distributions and have the taxes attributed to you. Either way, this is a stupid person. | Yeah, if other employees have one, too, this is probably not his first time. I am not a lawyer, but I would reach out to a lawyer before confronting your boss. If your boss claims you did sign it, you may need to bring in a hand-writing analyst. | 1 | 17,032 | 2.769231 |
9wwlt1 | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | My boss forged my signature and opened up a 401k in my name. He is the guarantor. I found out about it on accident. I do medical billing at a doctors office part time. I was sorting my papers as usual one morning when I came across something with my name on it. It had an account number and stated life insurance. I honestly thought it was a life insurance policy on myself and he was going to kill me or waiting for me to die. I called the company it was through. Turns out it’s a retirement fund. He’s the guarantor. I wasn’t able to find out any other information unless I get his consent. The operator did state that it’s impossible for me to have not known about this account because I would of had to sign for it. I’ve worked there for over 7 years and have never signed anything about a 401k. My check stubs do not show a 401k. I am certain I wasn’t supposed to find this. My boss is a pretty big douche for forging my signature and storing money in my name. I’m still not sure how it’ll benefit him. Some say he could cash it out after 7 years after i left. I don’t want to lose my job but I’d like my money. Or our money. Or can I even do anything about this. It can’t be legal. Oh and multiple employee names were on there and they have never heard anything about a 401k. Our job doesn’t even offer insurance or paid holidays or anything that would help or benefit us. | e9o2c2d | e9nwa03 | 1,542,178,811 | 1,542,170,703 | 109 | 52 | Besides what has been said, a call to the IRS may be in order. You will get some of the seized money that he owes them. | Yeah, if other employees have one, too, this is probably not his first time. I am not a lawyer, but I would reach out to a lawyer before confronting your boss. If your boss claims you did sign it, you may need to bring in a hand-writing analyst. | 1 | 8,108 | 2.096154 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3r8cl8 | e3rbqo3 | 1,533,641,213 | 1,533,645,730 | 286 | 602 | As deplorable as I find his actions, he still has every right to be a father to his children. | >I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? She's a child who craves attention and the trappings of adulthood, which she can get from him for basically free. She can make him do whatever she wants AND get him to pay her for the privilege. She rubs his...ermm.... lamp, and poof, wish granted. Drive? Drink? Shiny present? All of that's basically hers now. >But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. Horse hockey. She can be forgiven for succumbing to this delusion but he knows better, and if he can't see that then it's not your job to unfuck him. Let someone else give him that bollocking. You call a solicitor and whatever this person says you need to do, you do. Aside, you may feel inspired to encourage your kids to make her life difficult. Future-you would probably rather you hadn't done that. Not punishing them for disobeying... well, you're a busy woman after all. You haven't time for everything! | 0 | 4,517 | 2.104895 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3rbqo3 | e3r5nuu | 1,533,645,730 | 1,533,636,468 | 602 | 50 | >I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? She's a child who craves attention and the trappings of adulthood, which she can get from him for basically free. She can make him do whatever she wants AND get him to pay her for the privilege. She rubs his...ermm.... lamp, and poof, wish granted. Drive? Drink? Shiny present? All of that's basically hers now. >But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. Horse hockey. She can be forgiven for succumbing to this delusion but he knows better, and if he can't see that then it's not your job to unfuck him. Let someone else give him that bollocking. You call a solicitor and whatever this person says you need to do, you do. Aside, you may feel inspired to encourage your kids to make her life difficult. Future-you would probably rather you hadn't done that. Not punishing them for disobeying... well, you're a busy woman after all. You haven't time for everything! | R/legaladviceuk will be able to better provide answers as to divorce proceedings etc | 1 | 9,262 | 12.04 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3r5nuu | e3r8cl8 | 1,533,636,468 | 1,533,641,213 | 50 | 286 | R/legaladviceuk will be able to better provide answers as to divorce proceedings etc | As deplorable as I find his actions, he still has every right to be a father to his children. | 0 | 4,745 | 5.72 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3rlswr | e3rgvg3 | 1,533,655,364 | 1,533,651,022 | 278 | 203 | He's having sex with someone 5 years older than his oldest child. This girl is 16. He's 29 years older than she is. That's not love. If I were you, I'd be checking his browser history and looking for other things... | You cannot prevent **him** from looking after your kids. You can prevent **her** from looking after your kids unsupervised, however, depending on your divorce decree. You'll have to take that up with your family law solicitor. I dunno what the divorce laws are in the U.K., but in the U.S., you can stipulate in the decree that both parties have a right of first refusal: That both parents need to have the other parent's permission to leave their kids alone with someone who is neither parent. This does not mean that you can keep her from being around your children or help him supervise your children while he's around, like say he has them for the weekend and she's there as well (unless you can prove she's abusive or toxic). But if he leaves the premises, she'll have to call you to pick them up or leave them with someone you approve of. I know that it hurts and that he betrayed you, but you wishing him to not be able to look after his own kids is veering into retaliatory territory against the best interests of your children. Cutting him out of their lives will not be good for them unless he's abusive or toxic and from the sounds of it all, "all" he did was sleep with someone who isn't you (the sex was consensual and she was of legal age to have sex with him). This does not mean he's suddenly an unfit parent or a danger to your children. It also does not mean it is in your children's best interest to never see him again. Please take a step back, breathe and think things through. What he did was wrong. That is no reason to wrong your children yourself. | 1 | 4,342 | 1.369458 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3rbzwe | e3rlswr | 1,533,646,031 | 1,533,655,364 | 101 | 278 | [The fine people over at the LegalAdviceUK sub may give information that is better informed than mine is, as I’m a US resident and speaking on this topic from my knowledge of the workings here.] This is an incredibly delicate situation, and you have my utmost sympathies for what I can only imagine you’re going through. The difficult thing with this situation will be separating what you want, based off the emotions and turmoil you’re feeling from what is reasonable to expect out of this. At the end of the day, visitation and custody will be something that the courts/law will work to decide- you are welcome to get a family attorney to help create a case, in the event you decide to pursue full custody (which, based off your desire for neither of these individuals to be responsible for the children’s care) seems to be what you’ll likely pursue. Until you can get that figured out, divorce papers filed, a hearing, attorney hired, etc- I do not believe there is anyway to outright restrict your husband from having access to the children (he isn’t a danger to the children’s safety as of now, no negligence, etc which would be things to help give you temporary full custody). If you go out of your way to prevent him from seeing them (which I don’t foresee you doing) that will cause other issues down the road. Truly, despite how unpleasant the solution is, the best option while you’re working through this in MY PERSONAL opinion would be to sit down and discuss the logistics on how you feel you would like this to go in regards to keeping things normal, under control, and emotionally stable for your children- how he feels he would like it to go, and what is reasonable and manageable for you both. As another user mentioned, I believe therapy for everyone involved in the situation would be a big big help while you process this. If you have the time, energy, and money to- finding someone to help work you through this while things are fresh would really benefit you in the long run. Wish you guys the absolute best, and hope the situation is resolved smoothly and as painlessly as possible. | He's having sex with someone 5 years older than his oldest child. This girl is 16. He's 29 years older than she is. That's not love. If I were you, I'd be checking his browser history and looking for other things... | 0 | 9,333 | 2.752475 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3rlswr | e3r5nuu | 1,533,655,364 | 1,533,636,468 | 278 | 50 | He's having sex with someone 5 years older than his oldest child. This girl is 16. He's 29 years older than she is. That's not love. If I were you, I'd be checking his browser history and looking for other things... | R/legaladviceuk will be able to better provide answers as to divorce proceedings etc | 1 | 18,896 | 5.56 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3rg7ee | e3rlswr | 1,533,650,400 | 1,533,655,364 | 49 | 278 | It may not be illegal but it is still gross. Your oldest is only 5 years younger. Get a lawyer and get divorced. He cheated once he's probably done it before and will do it again. | He's having sex with someone 5 years older than his oldest child. This girl is 16. He's 29 years older than she is. That's not love. If I were you, I'd be checking his browser history and looking for other things... | 0 | 4,964 | 5.673469 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3reabh | e3rlswr | 1,533,648,548 | 1,533,655,364 | 28 | 278 | I'm so sorry that this happened. I know you aren't ready to take this step but you should speak to a reputable attorney as soon as possible and don't tell your husband you are going. You should also get as much proof of his communication with that little girl. It is possible she's just the only one you've found out about. Maybe this is a midlife crisis, maybe this is a pattern of behavior. You need to think a out what is best for you and your children in the long run. You need to plan ahead and be thinking about a parenting plan/ visitation with the children, what if he gets arrested and charged with sex with a minor and who gets the house, I'm sure that in the middle of all this stress you would want some consistency for the kids so they could go to the same schools and have their same bedrooms. I'm not sure if all court systems are the same but I believe if you file first you get more control in the proceedings. Currently he has taken control from you it's time to take it back. I wish you best for you and your children during this stressful situation. | He's having sex with someone 5 years older than his oldest child. This girl is 16. He's 29 years older than she is. That's not love. If I were you, I'd be checking his browser history and looking for other things... | 0 | 6,816 | 9.928571 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3rbzwe | e3rgvg3 | 1,533,646,031 | 1,533,651,022 | 101 | 203 | [The fine people over at the LegalAdviceUK sub may give information that is better informed than mine is, as I’m a US resident and speaking on this topic from my knowledge of the workings here.] This is an incredibly delicate situation, and you have my utmost sympathies for what I can only imagine you’re going through. The difficult thing with this situation will be separating what you want, based off the emotions and turmoil you’re feeling from what is reasonable to expect out of this. At the end of the day, visitation and custody will be something that the courts/law will work to decide- you are welcome to get a family attorney to help create a case, in the event you decide to pursue full custody (which, based off your desire for neither of these individuals to be responsible for the children’s care) seems to be what you’ll likely pursue. Until you can get that figured out, divorce papers filed, a hearing, attorney hired, etc- I do not believe there is anyway to outright restrict your husband from having access to the children (he isn’t a danger to the children’s safety as of now, no negligence, etc which would be things to help give you temporary full custody). If you go out of your way to prevent him from seeing them (which I don’t foresee you doing) that will cause other issues down the road. Truly, despite how unpleasant the solution is, the best option while you’re working through this in MY PERSONAL opinion would be to sit down and discuss the logistics on how you feel you would like this to go in regards to keeping things normal, under control, and emotionally stable for your children- how he feels he would like it to go, and what is reasonable and manageable for you both. As another user mentioned, I believe therapy for everyone involved in the situation would be a big big help while you process this. If you have the time, energy, and money to- finding someone to help work you through this while things are fresh would really benefit you in the long run. Wish you guys the absolute best, and hope the situation is resolved smoothly and as painlessly as possible. | You cannot prevent **him** from looking after your kids. You can prevent **her** from looking after your kids unsupervised, however, depending on your divorce decree. You'll have to take that up with your family law solicitor. I dunno what the divorce laws are in the U.K., but in the U.S., you can stipulate in the decree that both parties have a right of first refusal: That both parents need to have the other parent's permission to leave their kids alone with someone who is neither parent. This does not mean that you can keep her from being around your children or help him supervise your children while he's around, like say he has them for the weekend and she's there as well (unless you can prove she's abusive or toxic). But if he leaves the premises, she'll have to call you to pick them up or leave them with someone you approve of. I know that it hurts and that he betrayed you, but you wishing him to not be able to look after his own kids is veering into retaliatory territory against the best interests of your children. Cutting him out of their lives will not be good for them unless he's abusive or toxic and from the sounds of it all, "all" he did was sleep with someone who isn't you (the sex was consensual and she was of legal age to have sex with him). This does not mean he's suddenly an unfit parent or a danger to your children. It also does not mean it is in your children's best interest to never see him again. Please take a step back, breathe and think things through. What he did was wrong. That is no reason to wrong your children yourself. | 0 | 4,991 | 2.009901 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3rgvg3 | e3r5nuu | 1,533,651,022 | 1,533,636,468 | 203 | 50 | You cannot prevent **him** from looking after your kids. You can prevent **her** from looking after your kids unsupervised, however, depending on your divorce decree. You'll have to take that up with your family law solicitor. I dunno what the divorce laws are in the U.K., but in the U.S., you can stipulate in the decree that both parties have a right of first refusal: That both parents need to have the other parent's permission to leave their kids alone with someone who is neither parent. This does not mean that you can keep her from being around your children or help him supervise your children while he's around, like say he has them for the weekend and she's there as well (unless you can prove she's abusive or toxic). But if he leaves the premises, she'll have to call you to pick them up or leave them with someone you approve of. I know that it hurts and that he betrayed you, but you wishing him to not be able to look after his own kids is veering into retaliatory territory against the best interests of your children. Cutting him out of their lives will not be good for them unless he's abusive or toxic and from the sounds of it all, "all" he did was sleep with someone who isn't you (the sex was consensual and she was of legal age to have sex with him). This does not mean he's suddenly an unfit parent or a danger to your children. It also does not mean it is in your children's best interest to never see him again. Please take a step back, breathe and think things through. What he did was wrong. That is no reason to wrong your children yourself. | R/legaladviceuk will be able to better provide answers as to divorce proceedings etc | 1 | 14,554 | 4.06 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3rgvg3 | e3rg7ee | 1,533,651,022 | 1,533,650,400 | 203 | 49 | You cannot prevent **him** from looking after your kids. You can prevent **her** from looking after your kids unsupervised, however, depending on your divorce decree. You'll have to take that up with your family law solicitor. I dunno what the divorce laws are in the U.K., but in the U.S., you can stipulate in the decree that both parties have a right of first refusal: That both parents need to have the other parent's permission to leave their kids alone with someone who is neither parent. This does not mean that you can keep her from being around your children or help him supervise your children while he's around, like say he has them for the weekend and she's there as well (unless you can prove she's abusive or toxic). But if he leaves the premises, she'll have to call you to pick them up or leave them with someone you approve of. I know that it hurts and that he betrayed you, but you wishing him to not be able to look after his own kids is veering into retaliatory territory against the best interests of your children. Cutting him out of their lives will not be good for them unless he's abusive or toxic and from the sounds of it all, "all" he did was sleep with someone who isn't you (the sex was consensual and she was of legal age to have sex with him). This does not mean he's suddenly an unfit parent or a danger to your children. It also does not mean it is in your children's best interest to never see him again. Please take a step back, breathe and think things through. What he did was wrong. That is no reason to wrong your children yourself. | It may not be illegal but it is still gross. Your oldest is only 5 years younger. Get a lawyer and get divorced. He cheated once he's probably done it before and will do it again. | 1 | 622 | 4.142857 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3reabh | e3rgvg3 | 1,533,648,548 | 1,533,651,022 | 28 | 203 | I'm so sorry that this happened. I know you aren't ready to take this step but you should speak to a reputable attorney as soon as possible and don't tell your husband you are going. You should also get as much proof of his communication with that little girl. It is possible she's just the only one you've found out about. Maybe this is a midlife crisis, maybe this is a pattern of behavior. You need to think a out what is best for you and your children in the long run. You need to plan ahead and be thinking about a parenting plan/ visitation with the children, what if he gets arrested and charged with sex with a minor and who gets the house, I'm sure that in the middle of all this stress you would want some consistency for the kids so they could go to the same schools and have their same bedrooms. I'm not sure if all court systems are the same but I believe if you file first you get more control in the proceedings. Currently he has taken control from you it's time to take it back. I wish you best for you and your children during this stressful situation. | You cannot prevent **him** from looking after your kids. You can prevent **her** from looking after your kids unsupervised, however, depending on your divorce decree. You'll have to take that up with your family law solicitor. I dunno what the divorce laws are in the U.K., but in the U.S., you can stipulate in the decree that both parties have a right of first refusal: That both parents need to have the other parent's permission to leave their kids alone with someone who is neither parent. This does not mean that you can keep her from being around your children or help him supervise your children while he's around, like say he has them for the weekend and she's there as well (unless you can prove she's abusive or toxic). But if he leaves the premises, she'll have to call you to pick them up or leave them with someone you approve of. I know that it hurts and that he betrayed you, but you wishing him to not be able to look after his own kids is veering into retaliatory territory against the best interests of your children. Cutting him out of their lives will not be good for them unless he's abusive or toxic and from the sounds of it all, "all" he did was sleep with someone who isn't you (the sex was consensual and she was of legal age to have sex with him). This does not mean he's suddenly an unfit parent or a danger to your children. It also does not mean it is in your children's best interest to never see him again. Please take a step back, breathe and think things through. What he did was wrong. That is no reason to wrong your children yourself. | 0 | 2,474 | 7.25 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3r5nuu | e3rbzwe | 1,533,636,468 | 1,533,646,031 | 50 | 101 | R/legaladviceuk will be able to better provide answers as to divorce proceedings etc | [The fine people over at the LegalAdviceUK sub may give information that is better informed than mine is, as I’m a US resident and speaking on this topic from my knowledge of the workings here.] This is an incredibly delicate situation, and you have my utmost sympathies for what I can only imagine you’re going through. The difficult thing with this situation will be separating what you want, based off the emotions and turmoil you’re feeling from what is reasonable to expect out of this. At the end of the day, visitation and custody will be something that the courts/law will work to decide- you are welcome to get a family attorney to help create a case, in the event you decide to pursue full custody (which, based off your desire for neither of these individuals to be responsible for the children’s care) seems to be what you’ll likely pursue. Until you can get that figured out, divorce papers filed, a hearing, attorney hired, etc- I do not believe there is anyway to outright restrict your husband from having access to the children (he isn’t a danger to the children’s safety as of now, no negligence, etc which would be things to help give you temporary full custody). If you go out of your way to prevent him from seeing them (which I don’t foresee you doing) that will cause other issues down the road. Truly, despite how unpleasant the solution is, the best option while you’re working through this in MY PERSONAL opinion would be to sit down and discuss the logistics on how you feel you would like this to go in regards to keeping things normal, under control, and emotionally stable for your children- how he feels he would like it to go, and what is reasonable and manageable for you both. As another user mentioned, I believe therapy for everyone involved in the situation would be a big big help while you process this. If you have the time, energy, and money to- finding someone to help work you through this while things are fresh would really benefit you in the long run. Wish you guys the absolute best, and hope the situation is resolved smoothly and as painlessly as possible. | 0 | 9,563 | 2.02 |
95aa1c | legaladvice_train | 0.95 | My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that? | e3reabh | e3rg7ee | 1,533,648,548 | 1,533,650,400 | 28 | 49 | I'm so sorry that this happened. I know you aren't ready to take this step but you should speak to a reputable attorney as soon as possible and don't tell your husband you are going. You should also get as much proof of his communication with that little girl. It is possible she's just the only one you've found out about. Maybe this is a midlife crisis, maybe this is a pattern of behavior. You need to think a out what is best for you and your children in the long run. You need to plan ahead and be thinking about a parenting plan/ visitation with the children, what if he gets arrested and charged with sex with a minor and who gets the house, I'm sure that in the middle of all this stress you would want some consistency for the kids so they could go to the same schools and have their same bedrooms. I'm not sure if all court systems are the same but I believe if you file first you get more control in the proceedings. Currently he has taken control from you it's time to take it back. I wish you best for you and your children during this stressful situation. | It may not be illegal but it is still gross. Your oldest is only 5 years younger. Get a lawyer and get divorced. He cheated once he's probably done it before and will do it again. | 0 | 1,852 | 1.75 |
zq7dju | legaladvice_train | 0.96 | Ex spouse just filed interrogatories for 100’s of pages of personal documents…7 years after divorce. California. Placer County. Married 25 years, final divorce MSA completed about 5 years ago. I pay my ex monthly support, have never missed or been late. I have been compliant with every aspect of the MSA since it was signed. My ex does not work even though MSA says they are supposed to. I am late 50's, she is late 60's. Two days ago I got a packet in the mail with four forms (a Case, FL-145, DISC-001, DISC-020) requesting hundreds of pages of information about me, some going back 30 years. Every tax filing, every paystub, every checking account transaction since 2016, every gift I’ve ever given anyone, any loan application I’ve ever filed, bills that I have paid, health, insurance, people sharing my residence, the list just goes on and on. I’m supposed to turn these over in 30 days according to the documents, it is so much information even if I were to try to pull it all together I could not in that amount of time. I’m already seeking out an attorney to help, but I’m so worried about it, I have two main questions: 1. Is this legal? Can my ex just demand every piece of personal information in my life 5 years after we divorced and signed an MSA... and I have to provide it? 2. If I do have to supply all of this, will I be able to get an extension? How do I formally request an extension? I doubt they would willingly grant it. Anything you could provide would help put my worried mind to rest, and I appreciate your thoughts. | j0xyqs9 | j0y3104 | 1,671,516,451 | 1,671,519,493 | 63 | 277 | Agree consult a lawyer. Sounds like she thinks you were hiding assets or income. | > Can my ex just demand... Yes, she can demand whatever she wants > ... and I have to provide it? No, if you object to the scope of the request you (or more accurately your lawyer) can object, and you can have the scope narrowed/timeline extended. You need a lawyer. Preferably the same lawyer you worked with for the divorce if you were happy with their work. Blindly and willingly handing over anything the opposition asks for is never a good idea; never take advice from your opponent. And once you have retained the services of an attorney, have your attorney inform them to direct all future contact to their office. There's no reason you should be directly responding to any legal requests without it first going through your attorney. | 0 | 3,042 | 4.396825 |
zq7dju | legaladvice_train | 0.96 | Ex spouse just filed interrogatories for 100’s of pages of personal documents…7 years after divorce. California. Placer County. Married 25 years, final divorce MSA completed about 5 years ago. I pay my ex monthly support, have never missed or been late. I have been compliant with every aspect of the MSA since it was signed. My ex does not work even though MSA says they are supposed to. I am late 50's, she is late 60's. Two days ago I got a packet in the mail with four forms (a Case, FL-145, DISC-001, DISC-020) requesting hundreds of pages of information about me, some going back 30 years. Every tax filing, every paystub, every checking account transaction since 2016, every gift I’ve ever given anyone, any loan application I’ve ever filed, bills that I have paid, health, insurance, people sharing my residence, the list just goes on and on. I’m supposed to turn these over in 30 days according to the documents, it is so much information even if I were to try to pull it all together I could not in that amount of time. I’m already seeking out an attorney to help, but I’m so worried about it, I have two main questions: 1. Is this legal? Can my ex just demand every piece of personal information in my life 5 years after we divorced and signed an MSA... and I have to provide it? 2. If I do have to supply all of this, will I be able to get an extension? How do I formally request an extension? I doubt they would willingly grant it. Anything you could provide would help put my worried mind to rest, and I appreciate your thoughts. | j0y3104 | j0xsaly | 1,671,519,493 | 1,671,512,375 | 277 | 63 | > Can my ex just demand... Yes, she can demand whatever she wants > ... and I have to provide it? No, if you object to the scope of the request you (or more accurately your lawyer) can object, and you can have the scope narrowed/timeline extended. You need a lawyer. Preferably the same lawyer you worked with for the divorce if you were happy with their work. Blindly and willingly handing over anything the opposition asks for is never a good idea; never take advice from your opponent. And once you have retained the services of an attorney, have your attorney inform them to direct all future contact to their office. There's no reason you should be directly responding to any legal requests without it first going through your attorney. | Do you have minor children with your ex? How much longer does the spousal support obligation run? | 1 | 7,118 | 4.396825 |
zq7dju | legaladvice_train | 0.96 | Ex spouse just filed interrogatories for 100’s of pages of personal documents…7 years after divorce. California. Placer County. Married 25 years, final divorce MSA completed about 5 years ago. I pay my ex monthly support, have never missed or been late. I have been compliant with every aspect of the MSA since it was signed. My ex does not work even though MSA says they are supposed to. I am late 50's, she is late 60's. Two days ago I got a packet in the mail with four forms (a Case, FL-145, DISC-001, DISC-020) requesting hundreds of pages of information about me, some going back 30 years. Every tax filing, every paystub, every checking account transaction since 2016, every gift I’ve ever given anyone, any loan application I’ve ever filed, bills that I have paid, health, insurance, people sharing my residence, the list just goes on and on. I’m supposed to turn these over in 30 days according to the documents, it is so much information even if I were to try to pull it all together I could not in that amount of time. I’m already seeking out an attorney to help, but I’m so worried about it, I have two main questions: 1. Is this legal? Can my ex just demand every piece of personal information in my life 5 years after we divorced and signed an MSA... and I have to provide it? 2. If I do have to supply all of this, will I be able to get an extension? How do I formally request an extension? I doubt they would willingly grant it. Anything you could provide would help put my worried mind to rest, and I appreciate your thoughts. | j0y3104 | j0wosoo | 1,671,519,493 | 1,671,493,646 | 277 | 30 | > Can my ex just demand... Yes, she can demand whatever she wants > ... and I have to provide it? No, if you object to the scope of the request you (or more accurately your lawyer) can object, and you can have the scope narrowed/timeline extended. You need a lawyer. Preferably the same lawyer you worked with for the divorce if you were happy with their work. Blindly and willingly handing over anything the opposition asks for is never a good idea; never take advice from your opponent. And once you have retained the services of an attorney, have your attorney inform them to direct all future contact to their office. There's no reason you should be directly responding to any legal requests without it first going through your attorney. | You really need a lawyer to address this for you. | 1 | 25,847 | 9.233333 |
zq7dju | legaladvice_train | 0.96 | Ex spouse just filed interrogatories for 100’s of pages of personal documents…7 years after divorce. California. Placer County. Married 25 years, final divorce MSA completed about 5 years ago. I pay my ex monthly support, have never missed or been late. I have been compliant with every aspect of the MSA since it was signed. My ex does not work even though MSA says they are supposed to. I am late 50's, she is late 60's. Two days ago I got a packet in the mail with four forms (a Case, FL-145, DISC-001, DISC-020) requesting hundreds of pages of information about me, some going back 30 years. Every tax filing, every paystub, every checking account transaction since 2016, every gift I’ve ever given anyone, any loan application I’ve ever filed, bills that I have paid, health, insurance, people sharing my residence, the list just goes on and on. I’m supposed to turn these over in 30 days according to the documents, it is so much information even if I were to try to pull it all together I could not in that amount of time. I’m already seeking out an attorney to help, but I’m so worried about it, I have two main questions: 1. Is this legal? Can my ex just demand every piece of personal information in my life 5 years after we divorced and signed an MSA... and I have to provide it? 2. If I do have to supply all of this, will I be able to get an extension? How do I formally request an extension? I doubt they would willingly grant it. Anything you could provide would help put my worried mind to rest, and I appreciate your thoughts. | j0wosoo | j0xyqs9 | 1,671,493,646 | 1,671,516,451 | 30 | 63 | You really need a lawyer to address this for you. | Agree consult a lawyer. Sounds like she thinks you were hiding assets or income. | 0 | 22,805 | 2.1 |
zq7dju | legaladvice_train | 0.96 | Ex spouse just filed interrogatories for 100’s of pages of personal documents…7 years after divorce. California. Placer County. Married 25 years, final divorce MSA completed about 5 years ago. I pay my ex monthly support, have never missed or been late. I have been compliant with every aspect of the MSA since it was signed. My ex does not work even though MSA says they are supposed to. I am late 50's, she is late 60's. Two days ago I got a packet in the mail with four forms (a Case, FL-145, DISC-001, DISC-020) requesting hundreds of pages of information about me, some going back 30 years. Every tax filing, every paystub, every checking account transaction since 2016, every gift I’ve ever given anyone, any loan application I’ve ever filed, bills that I have paid, health, insurance, people sharing my residence, the list just goes on and on. I’m supposed to turn these over in 30 days according to the documents, it is so much information even if I were to try to pull it all together I could not in that amount of time. I’m already seeking out an attorney to help, but I’m so worried about it, I have two main questions: 1. Is this legal? Can my ex just demand every piece of personal information in my life 5 years after we divorced and signed an MSA... and I have to provide it? 2. If I do have to supply all of this, will I be able to get an extension? How do I formally request an extension? I doubt they would willingly grant it. Anything you could provide would help put my worried mind to rest, and I appreciate your thoughts. | j0wosoo | j0xsaly | 1,671,493,646 | 1,671,512,375 | 30 | 63 | You really need a lawyer to address this for you. | Do you have minor children with your ex? How much longer does the spousal support obligation run? | 0 | 18,729 | 2.1 |
zq7dju | legaladvice_train | 0.96 | Ex spouse just filed interrogatories for 100’s of pages of personal documents…7 years after divorce. California. Placer County. Married 25 years, final divorce MSA completed about 5 years ago. I pay my ex monthly support, have never missed or been late. I have been compliant with every aspect of the MSA since it was signed. My ex does not work even though MSA says they are supposed to. I am late 50's, she is late 60's. Two days ago I got a packet in the mail with four forms (a Case, FL-145, DISC-001, DISC-020) requesting hundreds of pages of information about me, some going back 30 years. Every tax filing, every paystub, every checking account transaction since 2016, every gift I’ve ever given anyone, any loan application I’ve ever filed, bills that I have paid, health, insurance, people sharing my residence, the list just goes on and on. I’m supposed to turn these over in 30 days according to the documents, it is so much information even if I were to try to pull it all together I could not in that amount of time. I’m already seeking out an attorney to help, but I’m so worried about it, I have two main questions: 1. Is this legal? Can my ex just demand every piece of personal information in my life 5 years after we divorced and signed an MSA... and I have to provide it? 2. If I do have to supply all of this, will I be able to get an extension? How do I formally request an extension? I doubt they would willingly grant it. Anything you could provide would help put my worried mind to rest, and I appreciate your thoughts. | j0znjf6 | j0zhnst | 1,671,554,177 | 1,671,551,824 | 18 | 16 | Wait hold on. Is there a pending motion? If not, then discovery is not reopened. | Not a lawyer. Hire an attorney, depending on local and state rules for discovery, he/she will likely be able to narrow the scope of the interrogatories. I know in the jurisdiction I worked, you typically couldn’t go back and request thing prior to the MSA and were limited in how many requests you could serve per day. By “case”, I assume you mean some kind of motion within the original divorce case? The discovery has to be tied to some kind of litigation, such as a new motion. If the case was settled and she hasn’t filed a new motion or lawsuit, she wouldn’t be entitled to discovery. | 1 | 2,353 | 1.125 |
zq7dju | legaladvice_train | 0.96 | Ex spouse just filed interrogatories for 100’s of pages of personal documents…7 years after divorce. California. Placer County. Married 25 years, final divorce MSA completed about 5 years ago. I pay my ex monthly support, have never missed or been late. I have been compliant with every aspect of the MSA since it was signed. My ex does not work even though MSA says they are supposed to. I am late 50's, she is late 60's. Two days ago I got a packet in the mail with four forms (a Case, FL-145, DISC-001, DISC-020) requesting hundreds of pages of information about me, some going back 30 years. Every tax filing, every paystub, every checking account transaction since 2016, every gift I’ve ever given anyone, any loan application I’ve ever filed, bills that I have paid, health, insurance, people sharing my residence, the list just goes on and on. I’m supposed to turn these over in 30 days according to the documents, it is so much information even if I were to try to pull it all together I could not in that amount of time. I’m already seeking out an attorney to help, but I’m so worried about it, I have two main questions: 1. Is this legal? Can my ex just demand every piece of personal information in my life 5 years after we divorced and signed an MSA... and I have to provide it? 2. If I do have to supply all of this, will I be able to get an extension? How do I formally request an extension? I doubt they would willingly grant it. Anything you could provide would help put my worried mind to rest, and I appreciate your thoughts. | j0znjf6 | j0ziodj | 1,671,554,177 | 1,671,552,240 | 18 | 9 | Wait hold on. Is there a pending motion? If not, then discovery is not reopened. | What is your ex asking for? I.e., what remedy / relief / change / whatever is written in the “case” document you refer to? The other three documents are all about discovery questions. Was your case fully completed (Judgment filed) five years ago - assets, support, and marital status? I’m more familiar with child support and how it can be changed over time. What language is there in the Judgment about spousal support? | 1 | 1,937 | 2 |
zq7dju | legaladvice_train | 0.96 | Ex spouse just filed interrogatories for 100’s of pages of personal documents…7 years after divorce. California. Placer County. Married 25 years, final divorce MSA completed about 5 years ago. I pay my ex monthly support, have never missed or been late. I have been compliant with every aspect of the MSA since it was signed. My ex does not work even though MSA says they are supposed to. I am late 50's, she is late 60's. Two days ago I got a packet in the mail with four forms (a Case, FL-145, DISC-001, DISC-020) requesting hundreds of pages of information about me, some going back 30 years. Every tax filing, every paystub, every checking account transaction since 2016, every gift I’ve ever given anyone, any loan application I’ve ever filed, bills that I have paid, health, insurance, people sharing my residence, the list just goes on and on. I’m supposed to turn these over in 30 days according to the documents, it is so much information even if I were to try to pull it all together I could not in that amount of time. I’m already seeking out an attorney to help, but I’m so worried about it, I have two main questions: 1. Is this legal? Can my ex just demand every piece of personal information in my life 5 years after we divorced and signed an MSA... and I have to provide it? 2. If I do have to supply all of this, will I be able to get an extension? How do I formally request an extension? I doubt they would willingly grant it. Anything you could provide would help put my worried mind to rest, and I appreciate your thoughts. | j10kyoq | j104tlk | 1,671,566,975 | 1,671,560,779 | 3 | 2 | Is there an ongoing legal proceeding? Did she prepare these herself or did she hire a lawyer? | The good thing about talking to your lawyer about this now, you can have them bring up the fact that SO hasn't gotten a job like the MSA said they should. | 1 | 6,196 | 1.5 |
a2yyua | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | Husband is divorcing me and demanding I leave the house with our child. I have been a stay at home mom for two years. How screwed am I? We live in Florida. My husband \[40\] and I \[27\] have been married for under two years, together for four. We spent 1.5 years trying to adopt our 9 year old son, whom I now home school. We have had him home for 6 months. Three years ago we agreed that because my husband has made great money and had a hefty retirement savings, I would quit my job as an engineer and focus on our family. I did not bring much money into the relationship at all. I had been working only two years out of college. My husband and I have a net worth of $1.7 million. About $800k is in his IRA and other investments. The rest is property. In our time together we have bought two houses, and a vacant property for acreage. Several vehicles including an RV and boat. All property is in both of our names with the exception of a beach house that is paid off, in my name only (we had it on the market but I took it down in light of the circumstances). My husband told me he has a divorce lawyer who says apparently since we haven't been married that long, I'm not entitled to anything. My husband demanded that I take our son and leave to go live in the beach house while he decides what to do with the rest of our things. He hasn't let me sleep in days, constantly yelling at me and throwing crap around drunkenly, though he's not violent and I'm not scared for my life in any way. My first fear is that if I leave with my son, I will be considered "abandoning" him; would that hurt me in the divorce? ​ He told me he doesn't want custody of our son at all, and will fight as much as possible to not pay much in child support. He currently makes $150k per year and I make $0. Wouldn't he be obligated to pay a decent amount in support? Would I have any claim to alimony? ​ I know that our assets won't be divided 50/50 since he came into the marriage with all them money and this is considered a short term marriage. But what am I entitled to? We have made many many financial decisions together, and I do feel I had been contributing to the family quite well. ​ Last question. My husband says he is going to serve me first. I haven't contacted a lawyer. I don't want to file first because I want the courts to see that it wasn't my choice and I'm not trying to use him for money. Is this wise? Should I beat him to the punch? ​ Thank you for reading. ​ ​ ​ | eb2iy6u | eb2fqsk | 1,543,934,625 | 1,543,931,534 | 298 | 157 | Rule one: Don't trust the legal opinions of your opponent. Start talking to a lawyer. I don't think you are as screwed as he's leading you to believe. But now is the time to think and act quickly. | >He hasn't let me sleep in days, constantly yelling at me and throwing crap around drunkenly, though he's not violent and I'm not scared for my life in any way. How exactly is he preventing you from sleeping? Because sleep deprivation is a form of torture. If he is purposefully preventing you from sleeping that's abuse. | 1 | 3,091 | 1.898089 |
a2yyua | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | Husband is divorcing me and demanding I leave the house with our child. I have been a stay at home mom for two years. How screwed am I? We live in Florida. My husband \[40\] and I \[27\] have been married for under two years, together for four. We spent 1.5 years trying to adopt our 9 year old son, whom I now home school. We have had him home for 6 months. Three years ago we agreed that because my husband has made great money and had a hefty retirement savings, I would quit my job as an engineer and focus on our family. I did not bring much money into the relationship at all. I had been working only two years out of college. My husband and I have a net worth of $1.7 million. About $800k is in his IRA and other investments. The rest is property. In our time together we have bought two houses, and a vacant property for acreage. Several vehicles including an RV and boat. All property is in both of our names with the exception of a beach house that is paid off, in my name only (we had it on the market but I took it down in light of the circumstances). My husband told me he has a divorce lawyer who says apparently since we haven't been married that long, I'm not entitled to anything. My husband demanded that I take our son and leave to go live in the beach house while he decides what to do with the rest of our things. He hasn't let me sleep in days, constantly yelling at me and throwing crap around drunkenly, though he's not violent and I'm not scared for my life in any way. My first fear is that if I leave with my son, I will be considered "abandoning" him; would that hurt me in the divorce? ​ He told me he doesn't want custody of our son at all, and will fight as much as possible to not pay much in child support. He currently makes $150k per year and I make $0. Wouldn't he be obligated to pay a decent amount in support? Would I have any claim to alimony? ​ I know that our assets won't be divided 50/50 since he came into the marriage with all them money and this is considered a short term marriage. But what am I entitled to? We have made many many financial decisions together, and I do feel I had been contributing to the family quite well. ​ Last question. My husband says he is going to serve me first. I haven't contacted a lawyer. I don't want to file first because I want the courts to see that it wasn't my choice and I'm not trying to use him for money. Is this wise? Should I beat him to the punch? ​ Thank you for reading. ​ ​ ​ | eb2iy6u | eb2h3nq | 1,543,934,625 | 1,543,932,912 | 298 | 126 | Rule one: Don't trust the legal opinions of your opponent. Start talking to a lawyer. I don't think you are as screwed as he's leading you to believe. But now is the time to think and act quickly. | If you need money for a lawyer get a home equity line of credit on the paid off beach house that is in your name. You have a large asset you that can leverage to fund the divorce, should be able to get an equity line that only requires the interest payment for the first few years. Take out what you need for the lawyer and enough to cover the interest for the first year, then pay it back when you everything is settled or if you decide to sell the property. | 1 | 1,713 | 2.365079 |
a2yyua | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | Husband is divorcing me and demanding I leave the house with our child. I have been a stay at home mom for two years. How screwed am I? We live in Florida. My husband \[40\] and I \[27\] have been married for under two years, together for four. We spent 1.5 years trying to adopt our 9 year old son, whom I now home school. We have had him home for 6 months. Three years ago we agreed that because my husband has made great money and had a hefty retirement savings, I would quit my job as an engineer and focus on our family. I did not bring much money into the relationship at all. I had been working only two years out of college. My husband and I have a net worth of $1.7 million. About $800k is in his IRA and other investments. The rest is property. In our time together we have bought two houses, and a vacant property for acreage. Several vehicles including an RV and boat. All property is in both of our names with the exception of a beach house that is paid off, in my name only (we had it on the market but I took it down in light of the circumstances). My husband told me he has a divorce lawyer who says apparently since we haven't been married that long, I'm not entitled to anything. My husband demanded that I take our son and leave to go live in the beach house while he decides what to do with the rest of our things. He hasn't let me sleep in days, constantly yelling at me and throwing crap around drunkenly, though he's not violent and I'm not scared for my life in any way. My first fear is that if I leave with my son, I will be considered "abandoning" him; would that hurt me in the divorce? ​ He told me he doesn't want custody of our son at all, and will fight as much as possible to not pay much in child support. He currently makes $150k per year and I make $0. Wouldn't he be obligated to pay a decent amount in support? Would I have any claim to alimony? ​ I know that our assets won't be divided 50/50 since he came into the marriage with all them money and this is considered a short term marriage. But what am I entitled to? We have made many many financial decisions together, and I do feel I had been contributing to the family quite well. ​ Last question. My husband says he is going to serve me first. I haven't contacted a lawyer. I don't want to file first because I want the courts to see that it wasn't my choice and I'm not trying to use him for money. Is this wise? Should I beat him to the punch? ​ Thank you for reading. ​ ​ ​ | eb2rhc3 | eb2osz6 | 1,543,941,586 | 1,543,939,513 | 54 | 40 | One thing I haven’t seen mentioned, was there a prenup @OP? | You might find the local domestic violence group to be of help. They often have lawyers to help. At least you will have some one local with knowlege of the law and local resources to help you. Make no mistake, he's abusive and you need help. I hope it all gets better soon. | 1 | 2,073 | 1.35 |
ym3l49 | legaladvice_train | 0.76 | Im a stay at home mom, Cannot afford a divorce (AZ) Husband is addicted to prostitutes has drained all of our resources into this addiction He cannot hold a job (Assuming it’s related to the same addiction) now that I am aware of what’s happening I have tons of evidence including bank statements he was sending cash app transactions to hookers every other day for the last four years including during his unemployment, and while my son was with him. I need to kick him out of my house which I purchased before our marriage, that’s a whole Different question… What I need to know is if I kick him out is not going to give him leverage against me when I finally find the resources to divorce him? | iv1xevs | iv224ms | 1,667,583,770 | 1,667,585,582 | 20 | 29 | Kicking him out of the marital home is not viewed kindly by the court. If you do proceed, you’ll need to follow the eviction laws and can’t just throw his stuff out. Whether you own the home on your own or not is based on a lot of factors that you need to talk through with an attorney. If you do own your home, there are divorce attorneys who understand they won’t get paid their full amount until after the divorce is settled. | You may want to contact a domestic violence organization for assistance. Abuse isn’t just physical abuse. Financial abuse is abuse. They may be able to direct you to free or low cost help. | 0 | 1,812 | 1.45 |
ym3l49 | legaladvice_train | 0.76 | Im a stay at home mom, Cannot afford a divorce (AZ) Husband is addicted to prostitutes has drained all of our resources into this addiction He cannot hold a job (Assuming it’s related to the same addiction) now that I am aware of what’s happening I have tons of evidence including bank statements he was sending cash app transactions to hookers every other day for the last four years including during his unemployment, and while my son was with him. I need to kick him out of my house which I purchased before our marriage, that’s a whole Different question… What I need to know is if I kick him out is not going to give him leverage against me when I finally find the resources to divorce him? | iv1so6c | iv224ms | 1,667,581,980 | 1,667,585,582 | 4 | 29 | Not a lawyer - Search Pro Bono Divorce Lawyer | You may want to contact a domestic violence organization for assistance. Abuse isn’t just physical abuse. Financial abuse is abuse. They may be able to direct you to free or low cost help. | 0 | 3,602 | 7.25 |
ym3l49 | legaladvice_train | 0.76 | Im a stay at home mom, Cannot afford a divorce (AZ) Husband is addicted to prostitutes has drained all of our resources into this addiction He cannot hold a job (Assuming it’s related to the same addiction) now that I am aware of what’s happening I have tons of evidence including bank statements he was sending cash app transactions to hookers every other day for the last four years including during his unemployment, and while my son was with him. I need to kick him out of my house which I purchased before our marriage, that’s a whole Different question… What I need to know is if I kick him out is not going to give him leverage against me when I finally find the resources to divorce him? | iv1xevs | iv1so6c | 1,667,583,770 | 1,667,581,980 | 20 | 4 | Kicking him out of the marital home is not viewed kindly by the court. If you do proceed, you’ll need to follow the eviction laws and can’t just throw his stuff out. Whether you own the home on your own or not is based on a lot of factors that you need to talk through with an attorney. If you do own your home, there are divorce attorneys who understand they won’t get paid their full amount until after the divorce is settled. | Not a lawyer - Search Pro Bono Divorce Lawyer | 1 | 1,790 | 5 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqh69j | cxqgdxd | 1,449,511,089 | 1,449,509,974 | 362 | 19 | Everybody has been commenting about this as a landlord/tenant issue (which it partially is), but can anyone speak to the family law issues? In TX, there is a duty to support your spouse while you are married and you generally cannot kick them out or evict them during the course of the divorce. This is regardless of whether there is a right to evict under landlord/tenant law. In addition, a lot of judges will look very badly on a landlord that happens to be one spouse's parent evicting the other spouse, as it could be seen as the parents taking action on the spouse's behalf as a sneaky way to bypass the rules. Can anyone comment on whether there are similar laws or common practices in CA? Without knowing CA, here is some general advice I can give. Talk to a family law attorney immediately. You need an attorney. It is very important to protect your interests. Borrow money from friends or family if you have to. Your husband has already shown that he is not going to be fair and treat you well in this divorce. You need to protect yourself. Absolutely do not abandon your residence voluntarily. Do not move out unless you are legally required to do so. If he wants to not live together, he can move out. If you are served a notice to vacate (which in most states is required before an eviction, and probably is in CA as well) talk to your family law attorney about it and/or talk to a landlord tenant attorney. See whether it is just an idle threat or if they really have the legal ability to evict you. If you are served with an eviction lawsuit, answer the suit, do not just ignore it. But until they take some legal action (notices, lawsuit, etc) you don't have to do anything. | Don't be afraid to give us updates as you find resources, it's good to hear when you can help someone. Best luck | 1 | 1,115 | 19.052632 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqh69j | cxqc1yn | 1,449,511,089 | 1,449,503,467 | 362 | 9 | Everybody has been commenting about this as a landlord/tenant issue (which it partially is), but can anyone speak to the family law issues? In TX, there is a duty to support your spouse while you are married and you generally cannot kick them out or evict them during the course of the divorce. This is regardless of whether there is a right to evict under landlord/tenant law. In addition, a lot of judges will look very badly on a landlord that happens to be one spouse's parent evicting the other spouse, as it could be seen as the parents taking action on the spouse's behalf as a sneaky way to bypass the rules. Can anyone comment on whether there are similar laws or common practices in CA? Without knowing CA, here is some general advice I can give. Talk to a family law attorney immediately. You need an attorney. It is very important to protect your interests. Borrow money from friends or family if you have to. Your husband has already shown that he is not going to be fair and treat you well in this divorce. You need to protect yourself. Absolutely do not abandon your residence voluntarily. Do not move out unless you are legally required to do so. If he wants to not live together, he can move out. If you are served a notice to vacate (which in most states is required before an eviction, and probably is in CA as well) talk to your family law attorney about it and/or talk to a landlord tenant attorney. See whether it is just an idle threat or if they really have the legal ability to evict you. If you are served with an eviction lawsuit, answer the suit, do not just ignore it. But until they take some legal action (notices, lawsuit, etc) you don't have to do anything. | Is your home rented or owned? Who is on the lease or title? | 1 | 7,622 | 40.222222 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqhvwg | cxqi4em | 1,449,512,118 | 1,449,512,456 | 84 | 139 | You need to look up your local resources for legal aid. You need a lawyer, and you need to file for spousal support and child support along with custody. Taking away all access to money is financial abuse. Keep a journal of everything he's doing and back it up on cloud storage like Dropbox so no matter what you'll have clear recollections of what happened when. Do not move out. Do not leave your child, no matter what. He has no right to insist you leave without the kid, who is breastfeeding but any kind of written statements from him saying that would be gold in the custody hearings. Look into getting employed and find out how much childcare will be. Go to your local resource offices- welfare- and see what options are available to transition back into working. You can apply for childcare subsidies to help with the cost as well. This is a shitty thing he's done, but it's nothing you can't make it through. Keep your head on straight and concentrate on keeping your kid and yourself straight. Get a lawyer, get a job, and never look back. | Whatever you do, do NOT leave your child. If you leave, take your child with you! | 0 | 338 | 1.654762 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqgdxd | cxqi4em | 1,449,509,974 | 1,449,512,456 | 19 | 139 | Don't be afraid to give us updates as you find resources, it's good to hear when you can help someone. Best luck | Whatever you do, do NOT leave your child. If you leave, take your child with you! | 0 | 2,482 | 7.315789 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqc1yn | cxqi4em | 1,449,503,467 | 1,449,512,456 | 9 | 139 | Is your home rented or owned? Who is on the lease or title? | Whatever you do, do NOT leave your child. If you leave, take your child with you! | 0 | 8,989 | 15.444444 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqhvwg | cxqgdxd | 1,449,512,118 | 1,449,509,974 | 84 | 19 | You need to look up your local resources for legal aid. You need a lawyer, and you need to file for spousal support and child support along with custody. Taking away all access to money is financial abuse. Keep a journal of everything he's doing and back it up on cloud storage like Dropbox so no matter what you'll have clear recollections of what happened when. Do not move out. Do not leave your child, no matter what. He has no right to insist you leave without the kid, who is breastfeeding but any kind of written statements from him saying that would be gold in the custody hearings. Look into getting employed and find out how much childcare will be. Go to your local resource offices- welfare- and see what options are available to transition back into working. You can apply for childcare subsidies to help with the cost as well. This is a shitty thing he's done, but it's nothing you can't make it through. Keep your head on straight and concentrate on keeping your kid and yourself straight. Get a lawyer, get a job, and never look back. | Don't be afraid to give us updates as you find resources, it's good to hear when you can help someone. Best luck | 1 | 2,144 | 4.421053 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqc1yn | cxqhvwg | 1,449,503,467 | 1,449,512,118 | 9 | 84 | Is your home rented or owned? Who is on the lease or title? | You need to look up your local resources for legal aid. You need a lawyer, and you need to file for spousal support and child support along with custody. Taking away all access to money is financial abuse. Keep a journal of everything he's doing and back it up on cloud storage like Dropbox so no matter what you'll have clear recollections of what happened when. Do not move out. Do not leave your child, no matter what. He has no right to insist you leave without the kid, who is breastfeeding but any kind of written statements from him saying that would be gold in the custody hearings. Look into getting employed and find out how much childcare will be. Go to your local resource offices- welfare- and see what options are available to transition back into working. You can apply for childcare subsidies to help with the cost as well. This is a shitty thing he's done, but it's nothing you can't make it through. Keep your head on straight and concentrate on keeping your kid and yourself straight. Get a lawyer, get a job, and never look back. | 0 | 8,651 | 9.333333 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqgdxd | cxqizgo | 1,449,509,974 | 1,449,513,693 | 19 | 75 | Don't be afraid to give us updates as you find resources, it's good to hear when you can help someone. Best luck | Not a lawyer, but I have to believe that as you are a stay at home mom, and taking care of his child, he will come out of the divorce having to pay both child support for his child and an alimony for you, at least for some time. Provided you get a lawyer and make sure you protect your interests. | 0 | 3,719 | 3.947368 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqizgo | cxqc1yn | 1,449,513,693 | 1,449,503,467 | 75 | 9 | Not a lawyer, but I have to believe that as you are a stay at home mom, and taking care of his child, he will come out of the divorce having to pay both child support for his child and an alimony for you, at least for some time. Provided you get a lawyer and make sure you protect your interests. | Is your home rented or owned? Who is on the lease or title? | 1 | 10,226 | 8.333333 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqgdxd | cxqk6ra | 1,449,509,974 | 1,449,515,419 | 19 | 28 | Don't be afraid to give us updates as you find resources, it's good to hear when you can help someone. Best luck | I don't see the harm in calling local women's shelters and domestic violence centers to ask for help finding resources like legal aid. Rainn.org might be able to point you in a direction as well. Your husband is essentially trying to make you homeless and make you give up rights to your kid. | 0 | 5,445 | 1.473684 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqjmve | cxqk6ra | 1,449,514,619 | 1,449,515,419 | 16 | 28 | He wants you to leave but the child to stay? This is not going to end well if you stay there. You need to make plans for you and your child to leave ASAP. | I don't see the harm in calling local women's shelters and domestic violence centers to ask for help finding resources like legal aid. Rainn.org might be able to point you in a direction as well. Your husband is essentially trying to make you homeless and make you give up rights to your kid. | 0 | 800 | 1.75 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqc1yn | cxqk6ra | 1,449,503,467 | 1,449,515,419 | 9 | 28 | Is your home rented or owned? Who is on the lease or title? | I don't see the harm in calling local women's shelters and domestic violence centers to ask for help finding resources like legal aid. Rainn.org might be able to point you in a direction as well. Your husband is essentially trying to make you homeless and make you give up rights to your kid. | 0 | 11,952 | 3.111111 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqgdxd | cxqku31 | 1,449,509,974 | 1,449,516,337 | 19 | 25 | Don't be afraid to give us updates as you find resources, it's good to hear when you can help someone. Best luck | He can't kick you out of the marital home without a court order. You need an attorney. And do not, under any circumstance, leave your child with him. Tell him you are not leaving, that if he wants to move out and get a divorce, he needs to leave. But you must be prepared to take him to court (or answer his suit) and ask for support for the child and yourself. EDIT: spelling | 0 | 6,363 | 1.315789 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqjmve | cxqku31 | 1,449,514,619 | 1,449,516,337 | 16 | 25 | He wants you to leave but the child to stay? This is not going to end well if you stay there. You need to make plans for you and your child to leave ASAP. | He can't kick you out of the marital home without a court order. You need an attorney. And do not, under any circumstance, leave your child with him. Tell him you are not leaving, that if he wants to move out and get a divorce, he needs to leave. But you must be prepared to take him to court (or answer his suit) and ask for support for the child and yourself. EDIT: spelling | 0 | 1,718 | 1.5625 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqku31 | cxqc1yn | 1,449,516,337 | 1,449,503,467 | 25 | 9 | He can't kick you out of the marital home without a court order. You need an attorney. And do not, under any circumstance, leave your child with him. Tell him you are not leaving, that if he wants to move out and get a divorce, he needs to leave. But you must be prepared to take him to court (or answer his suit) and ask for support for the child and yourself. EDIT: spelling | Is your home rented or owned? Who is on the lease or title? | 1 | 12,870 | 2.777778 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqgdxd | cxqc1yn | 1,449,509,974 | 1,449,503,467 | 19 | 9 | Don't be afraid to give us updates as you find resources, it's good to hear when you can help someone. Best luck | Is your home rented or owned? Who is on the lease or title? | 1 | 6,507 | 2.111111 |
3vsum6 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise. | cxqc1yn | cxqjmve | 1,449,503,467 | 1,449,514,619 | 9 | 16 | Is your home rented or owned? Who is on the lease or title? | He wants you to leave but the child to stay? This is not going to end well if you stay there. You need to make plans for you and your child to leave ASAP. | 0 | 11,152 | 1.777778 |
cdwdeb | legaladvice_train | 0.88 | Please help me, I'm a stay at home dad and my spouse is about to leave me. I don't even know what's going on. I thought we had one of the most understanding marriages in the world. Fights, sure, but nothing serious and we always kiss and made up. Open account passwords and everything. Yesterday I could sense something was wrong and, to put a long story short, she not only stopped texting me, changed all her social media and email passwords, but suddenly didn't want to come home but take our young child. Wouldn't even talk to me unless I agreed to let the child go. More than that, she threatened to call the police to remove him against my wishes. None of this makes any sense, I don't know where any of this came from. She agreed to let me keep him for the night and talk to me the next day but I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I'm a stay at home dad with no income of my own, only like $400 on me, poor health, our lease is almost up, and am completely dependent upon my spouse's job to even have a roof over our head. We share one joint bank account. I guess some specific questions I can think of are: If she chooses to leave the place can I legally stop her from taking the kid? I don't even know where she is right now and she does have rich family out of state. What recourse do I have when it comes to money and housing? I don't have friends to couch surf on, no family left to stay with. I'm all alone in this world except her and my kid. I don't even know if I could work my health is so bad; I've been too afraid of doctors to really see them much lately. I'm assuming if I can't work then I'm not a fit parent? I don't know how that works. Arkansas is my location. There are no mens shelters, nothing. I'm so scared and confused. Please help me. | etwpp4t | etx1hoi | 1,563,280,425 | 1,563,289,332 | 24 | 162 | Without a court order you don’t have to let her take the child. But it is in the child’s interest to spend time with mom. You should review with your attorney how to proceed on visitation. You’re entitled to your share of the marital assets. And can review with your attorney whether there’s any possibility for spousal support. But obviously you’ll need a way to support yourself as well. | You definitely need a lawyer that being said you also need to talk with your spouse and figure out exactly what led up to this. People with good marriages typically don't do this out of no where. That being said if you do end up divorcing you'll be entitled to a split of marital assets. You mentioned your lease will be up soon so you may want to start looking for other places to live. You can't force her to pay the rent if she is no longer living there. Also theres no guarantee she'll continue putting money in your joint account so you need to get your own income. In regards to your child, if you can't provide a roof over their head and pay for basic needs then the best you might be able to get against the mom is visitation. | 0 | 8,907 | 6.75 |
cdwdeb | legaladvice_train | 0.88 | Please help me, I'm a stay at home dad and my spouse is about to leave me. I don't even know what's going on. I thought we had one of the most understanding marriages in the world. Fights, sure, but nothing serious and we always kiss and made up. Open account passwords and everything. Yesterday I could sense something was wrong and, to put a long story short, she not only stopped texting me, changed all her social media and email passwords, but suddenly didn't want to come home but take our young child. Wouldn't even talk to me unless I agreed to let the child go. More than that, she threatened to call the police to remove him against my wishes. None of this makes any sense, I don't know where any of this came from. She agreed to let me keep him for the night and talk to me the next day but I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I'm a stay at home dad with no income of my own, only like $400 on me, poor health, our lease is almost up, and am completely dependent upon my spouse's job to even have a roof over our head. We share one joint bank account. I guess some specific questions I can think of are: If she chooses to leave the place can I legally stop her from taking the kid? I don't even know where she is right now and she does have rich family out of state. What recourse do I have when it comes to money and housing? I don't have friends to couch surf on, no family left to stay with. I'm all alone in this world except her and my kid. I don't even know if I could work my health is so bad; I've been too afraid of doctors to really see them much lately. I'm assuming if I can't work then I'm not a fit parent? I don't know how that works. Arkansas is my location. There are no mens shelters, nothing. I'm so scared and confused. Please help me. | etwuzv7 | etx1hoi | 1,563,284,779 | 1,563,289,332 | 16 | 162 | You are entitled to marital assets. Call a lawyer and tell them your situation they are used to working out payment plans for this kind of thing. Doctor yes. See if you are eligible for disability although it is a long road to it. She's now allowed to cut you off but you will need to find ways to manage in the meantime. | You definitely need a lawyer that being said you also need to talk with your spouse and figure out exactly what led up to this. People with good marriages typically don't do this out of no where. That being said if you do end up divorcing you'll be entitled to a split of marital assets. You mentioned your lease will be up soon so you may want to start looking for other places to live. You can't force her to pay the rent if she is no longer living there. Also theres no guarantee she'll continue putting money in your joint account so you need to get your own income. In regards to your child, if you can't provide a roof over their head and pay for basic needs then the best you might be able to get against the mom is visitation. | 0 | 4,553 | 10.125 |
cdwdeb | legaladvice_train | 0.88 | Please help me, I'm a stay at home dad and my spouse is about to leave me. I don't even know what's going on. I thought we had one of the most understanding marriages in the world. Fights, sure, but nothing serious and we always kiss and made up. Open account passwords and everything. Yesterday I could sense something was wrong and, to put a long story short, she not only stopped texting me, changed all her social media and email passwords, but suddenly didn't want to come home but take our young child. Wouldn't even talk to me unless I agreed to let the child go. More than that, she threatened to call the police to remove him against my wishes. None of this makes any sense, I don't know where any of this came from. She agreed to let me keep him for the night and talk to me the next day but I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I'm a stay at home dad with no income of my own, only like $400 on me, poor health, our lease is almost up, and am completely dependent upon my spouse's job to even have a roof over our head. We share one joint bank account. I guess some specific questions I can think of are: If she chooses to leave the place can I legally stop her from taking the kid? I don't even know where she is right now and she does have rich family out of state. What recourse do I have when it comes to money and housing? I don't have friends to couch surf on, no family left to stay with. I'm all alone in this world except her and my kid. I don't even know if I could work my health is so bad; I've been too afraid of doctors to really see them much lately. I'm assuming if I can't work then I'm not a fit parent? I don't know how that works. Arkansas is my location. There are no mens shelters, nothing. I'm so scared and confused. Please help me. | etwplck | etx1hoi | 1,563,280,330 | 1,563,289,332 | 5 | 162 | I am not a lawyer Please, please, please, call a lawyer and do not hand over that child. See what your rights are, she can't take your child away from you. | You definitely need a lawyer that being said you also need to talk with your spouse and figure out exactly what led up to this. People with good marriages typically don't do this out of no where. That being said if you do end up divorcing you'll be entitled to a split of marital assets. You mentioned your lease will be up soon so you may want to start looking for other places to live. You can't force her to pay the rent if she is no longer living there. Also theres no guarantee she'll continue putting money in your joint account so you need to get your own income. In regards to your child, if you can't provide a roof over their head and pay for basic needs then the best you might be able to get against the mom is visitation. | 0 | 9,002 | 32.4 |
cdwdeb | legaladvice_train | 0.88 | Please help me, I'm a stay at home dad and my spouse is about to leave me. I don't even know what's going on. I thought we had one of the most understanding marriages in the world. Fights, sure, but nothing serious and we always kiss and made up. Open account passwords and everything. Yesterday I could sense something was wrong and, to put a long story short, she not only stopped texting me, changed all her social media and email passwords, but suddenly didn't want to come home but take our young child. Wouldn't even talk to me unless I agreed to let the child go. More than that, she threatened to call the police to remove him against my wishes. None of this makes any sense, I don't know where any of this came from. She agreed to let me keep him for the night and talk to me the next day but I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I'm a stay at home dad with no income of my own, only like $400 on me, poor health, our lease is almost up, and am completely dependent upon my spouse's job to even have a roof over our head. We share one joint bank account. I guess some specific questions I can think of are: If she chooses to leave the place can I legally stop her from taking the kid? I don't even know where she is right now and she does have rich family out of state. What recourse do I have when it comes to money and housing? I don't have friends to couch surf on, no family left to stay with. I'm all alone in this world except her and my kid. I don't even know if I could work my health is so bad; I've been too afraid of doctors to really see them much lately. I'm assuming if I can't work then I'm not a fit parent? I don't know how that works. Arkansas is my location. There are no mens shelters, nothing. I'm so scared and confused. Please help me. | etx2ppc | etxcq6e | 1,563,290,142 | 1,563,296,512 | 75 | 100 | >If she chooses to leave the place can I legally stop her from taking the kid? While you are legally married she can take the child and run off (and so can you). You need to get legal support to file for divorce and put some emergency custody orders in place. With legal protection THEN you can stop her from moving to another state with the child. Right now, she can just do it. | Let me preface my response by saying I am a Georgia divorce attorney, but it appears that Arkansas law is fairly similar. ​ At present, it would appear that you and your spouse share joint legal and joint physical custody of your child. That does, in fact, mean that either of you could take the child pretty much anywhere in the United States and it's not "kidnapping." As for the police, they ***shouldn't*** get involved, but in my experience police are often woefully uninformed about the law. I would caution you that once you turn the child over to her (without a court order in place), you may not see the child for some time before a court proceeding takes place. ​ You obviously need a lawyer. As with all states that I'm aware of, Arkansas primary custody determinations "will be determined in accordance with the welfare and best interest of the child, “without regard to the sex of a parent,” and that the judge “may consider the preferences of the child if the child is of a sufficient age and mental capacity to reason, regardless of chronological age.” ​ While I am not a psychologist, it does seem to come with the job. To be honest, I suspect she has grown tired of a "stay at home Dad" in "poor health" with "$400 to his name." It happens. You **definitely** need to secure a stream of income. Both to live on, and to increase your chances to be awarded primary physical custody of your child. ​ As for a property settlement, you lease your residence, so it appears there is no real property. Other personal property can be divided up. One potential source of money is a retirement plan. Alimony is theoretically possible (I have secured it for a few male clients overe the years), but in the South I wouldn't count on it. As an aside, you'll have a lot of time to think about this-- Arkansas law requires an 18 month separation period before the granting of a divorce (although abandonment can result in an immediate divorce). ​ Talk to a lawyer ASAP. Most will give a free consultation and some have payment plans and attorney's fees can be the subject of a temporary hearing. ​ GET YOUR LIFE IN ORDER, NOW!. You need a stable residence, stable income and to do everything to show you are capable of raising a child. AVOID POSTING ANYTHING ON SOCIAL MEDIA-- FB, TWITTER, PINTEREST, INSTAGRAM, SNAPCHAT, KIK, WHATSAPP, (HERE). Also be very careful of all email and text exchanges. They will show up in court. | 0 | 6,370 | 1.333333 |
cdwdeb | legaladvice_train | 0.88 | Please help me, I'm a stay at home dad and my spouse is about to leave me. I don't even know what's going on. I thought we had one of the most understanding marriages in the world. Fights, sure, but nothing serious and we always kiss and made up. Open account passwords and everything. Yesterday I could sense something was wrong and, to put a long story short, she not only stopped texting me, changed all her social media and email passwords, but suddenly didn't want to come home but take our young child. Wouldn't even talk to me unless I agreed to let the child go. More than that, she threatened to call the police to remove him against my wishes. None of this makes any sense, I don't know where any of this came from. She agreed to let me keep him for the night and talk to me the next day but I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I'm a stay at home dad with no income of my own, only like $400 on me, poor health, our lease is almost up, and am completely dependent upon my spouse's job to even have a roof over our head. We share one joint bank account. I guess some specific questions I can think of are: If she chooses to leave the place can I legally stop her from taking the kid? I don't even know where she is right now and she does have rich family out of state. What recourse do I have when it comes to money and housing? I don't have friends to couch surf on, no family left to stay with. I'm all alone in this world except her and my kid. I don't even know if I could work my health is so bad; I've been too afraid of doctors to really see them much lately. I'm assuming if I can't work then I'm not a fit parent? I don't know how that works. Arkansas is my location. There are no mens shelters, nothing. I'm so scared and confused. Please help me. | etwpp4t | etxcq6e | 1,563,280,425 | 1,563,296,512 | 24 | 100 | Without a court order you don’t have to let her take the child. But it is in the child’s interest to spend time with mom. You should review with your attorney how to proceed on visitation. You’re entitled to your share of the marital assets. And can review with your attorney whether there’s any possibility for spousal support. But obviously you’ll need a way to support yourself as well. | Let me preface my response by saying I am a Georgia divorce attorney, but it appears that Arkansas law is fairly similar. ​ At present, it would appear that you and your spouse share joint legal and joint physical custody of your child. That does, in fact, mean that either of you could take the child pretty much anywhere in the United States and it's not "kidnapping." As for the police, they ***shouldn't*** get involved, but in my experience police are often woefully uninformed about the law. I would caution you that once you turn the child over to her (without a court order in place), you may not see the child for some time before a court proceeding takes place. ​ You obviously need a lawyer. As with all states that I'm aware of, Arkansas primary custody determinations "will be determined in accordance with the welfare and best interest of the child, “without regard to the sex of a parent,” and that the judge “may consider the preferences of the child if the child is of a sufficient age and mental capacity to reason, regardless of chronological age.” ​ While I am not a psychologist, it does seem to come with the job. To be honest, I suspect she has grown tired of a "stay at home Dad" in "poor health" with "$400 to his name." It happens. You **definitely** need to secure a stream of income. Both to live on, and to increase your chances to be awarded primary physical custody of your child. ​ As for a property settlement, you lease your residence, so it appears there is no real property. Other personal property can be divided up. One potential source of money is a retirement plan. Alimony is theoretically possible (I have secured it for a few male clients overe the years), but in the South I wouldn't count on it. As an aside, you'll have a lot of time to think about this-- Arkansas law requires an 18 month separation period before the granting of a divorce (although abandonment can result in an immediate divorce). ​ Talk to a lawyer ASAP. Most will give a free consultation and some have payment plans and attorney's fees can be the subject of a temporary hearing. ​ GET YOUR LIFE IN ORDER, NOW!. You need a stable residence, stable income and to do everything to show you are capable of raising a child. AVOID POSTING ANYTHING ON SOCIAL MEDIA-- FB, TWITTER, PINTEREST, INSTAGRAM, SNAPCHAT, KIK, WHATSAPP, (HERE). Also be very careful of all email and text exchanges. They will show up in court. | 0 | 16,087 | 4.166667 |
cdwdeb | legaladvice_train | 0.88 | Please help me, I'm a stay at home dad and my spouse is about to leave me. I don't even know what's going on. I thought we had one of the most understanding marriages in the world. Fights, sure, but nothing serious and we always kiss and made up. Open account passwords and everything. Yesterday I could sense something was wrong and, to put a long story short, she not only stopped texting me, changed all her social media and email passwords, but suddenly didn't want to come home but take our young child. Wouldn't even talk to me unless I agreed to let the child go. More than that, she threatened to call the police to remove him against my wishes. None of this makes any sense, I don't know where any of this came from. She agreed to let me keep him for the night and talk to me the next day but I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I'm a stay at home dad with no income of my own, only like $400 on me, poor health, our lease is almost up, and am completely dependent upon my spouse's job to even have a roof over our head. We share one joint bank account. I guess some specific questions I can think of are: If she chooses to leave the place can I legally stop her from taking the kid? I don't even know where she is right now and she does have rich family out of state. What recourse do I have when it comes to money and housing? I don't have friends to couch surf on, no family left to stay with. I'm all alone in this world except her and my kid. I don't even know if I could work my health is so bad; I've been too afraid of doctors to really see them much lately. I'm assuming if I can't work then I'm not a fit parent? I don't know how that works. Arkansas is my location. There are no mens shelters, nothing. I'm so scared and confused. Please help me. | etwuzv7 | etxcq6e | 1,563,284,779 | 1,563,296,512 | 16 | 100 | You are entitled to marital assets. Call a lawyer and tell them your situation they are used to working out payment plans for this kind of thing. Doctor yes. See if you are eligible for disability although it is a long road to it. She's now allowed to cut you off but you will need to find ways to manage in the meantime. | Let me preface my response by saying I am a Georgia divorce attorney, but it appears that Arkansas law is fairly similar. ​ At present, it would appear that you and your spouse share joint legal and joint physical custody of your child. That does, in fact, mean that either of you could take the child pretty much anywhere in the United States and it's not "kidnapping." As for the police, they ***shouldn't*** get involved, but in my experience police are often woefully uninformed about the law. I would caution you that once you turn the child over to her (without a court order in place), you may not see the child for some time before a court proceeding takes place. ​ You obviously need a lawyer. As with all states that I'm aware of, Arkansas primary custody determinations "will be determined in accordance with the welfare and best interest of the child, “without regard to the sex of a parent,” and that the judge “may consider the preferences of the child if the child is of a sufficient age and mental capacity to reason, regardless of chronological age.” ​ While I am not a psychologist, it does seem to come with the job. To be honest, I suspect she has grown tired of a "stay at home Dad" in "poor health" with "$400 to his name." It happens. You **definitely** need to secure a stream of income. Both to live on, and to increase your chances to be awarded primary physical custody of your child. ​ As for a property settlement, you lease your residence, so it appears there is no real property. Other personal property can be divided up. One potential source of money is a retirement plan. Alimony is theoretically possible (I have secured it for a few male clients overe the years), but in the South I wouldn't count on it. As an aside, you'll have a lot of time to think about this-- Arkansas law requires an 18 month separation period before the granting of a divorce (although abandonment can result in an immediate divorce). ​ Talk to a lawyer ASAP. Most will give a free consultation and some have payment plans and attorney's fees can be the subject of a temporary hearing. ​ GET YOUR LIFE IN ORDER, NOW!. You need a stable residence, stable income and to do everything to show you are capable of raising a child. AVOID POSTING ANYTHING ON SOCIAL MEDIA-- FB, TWITTER, PINTEREST, INSTAGRAM, SNAPCHAT, KIK, WHATSAPP, (HERE). Also be very careful of all email and text exchanges. They will show up in court. | 0 | 11,733 | 6.25 |
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