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But I got stuck in traffic.
Tanker truck caught on fire on the 60 freeway. It was carrying liquid
hydrogen. | Hindenburg. All lanes closed in both directions.
I don’t take the 60 freeway, but everyone who does jumped on my freeway of
choice, the 10 E ast. |
They had over 300,000 views. His parents had
money.
No. | I mean… m aybe. I might see Judah again. |
I ask her: if someone steals my computer
will you yell at them?
Yes.
Great. Thank you.
I piss. | But first I fix my hair. After, I think of what I’m gonna say. |
PWW bought advertising time from
television stations en masse. Sold it on arbitrage markets it created. | The
purpose of UAG and thus Wentworth was to help create demand for
advertising time. PWW could then buy low and sell high. |
I saw tall trees looming out of the
rain forest mist above a 200 foot waterfall. Talked to the most open hearted
people on Earth. | Made friends with smart college kids who wanted to take
pictures of me and practice English. I want to help them. |
They
didn't want to be found.
She placed little classified ads. Places where someone who owned a
corporation would read it. | The Financial Times. The Economist. |
Really you’re an (REDACTED)
(REDACTED) with (REDACTED and a (REDACTED). But then, there’s a
reason men fall for you. | And there’s another reason deeper than that, where
we connected. I don’t want anyone else to have that with you. |
It exists, that’s great, but
it’s not helpful. What I want to know is where did you put it.
I mean I thought I put it where the soap usually goes…
She put her palm to her forehead. | Inhaled. OK, obviously you didn’t. |
Coils of old wires only shiny where the bolt cutters clipped. How you been man, said the boy.
What the fuck happened to you–
I ran away. | Don’t tell my mom you saw me.
We haven’t spoken.
And here I thought you were a gentleman. Do you have it?
He took the thumb drive out of his pocket. |
I can
only cum now to pregnant teens. My body knows I’ve failed to reproduce.
No pheromonal whiff of my genes out there. | My balls become desperate.
Climb the walls like they’re being gassed. She came through.
You Should Message Me If Part 5
I need the doorb ell to ring. |
Not fucking is awoman’s job. The day after, I’m back to hideous thirst and the hole that will
never be filled.
I was early for the meeting. | Just me and one other guy and he kept eyefucking
me. Gays. |
Hideous wet invertebrates
with poison pincers scatter. Some flee to my underwear drawer. | They’ll lay
in wait to gnaw my sac with chittering H.R. Giger mandibles and give me
instant flesh necrosis. |
Long story. I had a wonderful time with you.
I get that a lot.
You’re different than I thought.
How so
More to the point. | Your dick is bigger too, lol
He felt something shift in his chest. Like an old box falling from a high closet shelf, full of
pictures of the dead. |
Right
at the whorl.
Or maybe it wasn’t. His new bathroom had a bright light. | He was going
gray. Maybe just a light patch. |
You need the A team to run a hideously
complex usuriou s system of parasites designed to crush human lives. Suck
up the lifeblood of the people and planet. | The stock market went up. It goes
up no matter what. |
Your net worth is negative ten
thousand dollars, despite your fancy schools. Your car is 35 years old. | It cost
$1200 on craigslist. The master brake cylinder’s about to go; the thing barely
stops. |
His father looked up.
Smiling until he saw the man waiting by the window . Gaunt in a black suit
black hat. | White hair. The man looked at the father . |
I want your clothes to smell like Southwest Airlines recirculated
air and the crumbs from the honey mustard pretzel and Doritos mix, now nut
free. I want your mouth to be stale and I want you to be wearing shitty shoes
and shitty jeans and I’m still gonna throw you on the floor and pull them off;
give myself rug burn kneeling over you and slipping it in you too fast and
laughing you off when you ask me to put a condom on. | I want to nut in you
without asking you if you’re on birth control but I don’t have the balls. I want
to fuck you as soon as you’re off the plane and we’re in a room alone and
then I’ll cum and realize I don’t know you and you are staying in my home for
several days and what if you snore. |
Demand money.
Take your jobs and shove them right up your ass.
Every other first world country, this is how it works: when people protest,
they demand money. Social programs. | Redistribution. We then look down on
them. |
Fine then. Fuck off, you Brian
Cox faced cunt.
My thirst is so deep it’s permanently mutated my DNA. | I can’t even conceive
of speaking to a woman. Here’s another one, fat little blonde in a short short
skirt sits down with her back to me. |
What if I have to
spend eight hours a day in chemo getting my blood poisoned. Brain erased.
Plus commute. | It costs a lot for them to kill you slowly . What if I get
someone pregna nt. |
There were follow up calls he had to make to people who’d backed out and
it was always how DARE you call me during DINNER! Well don’t answer
the phone then, jerkoff. But it hurt. | To do the job well you had to open some
part of yourself up to these people and when you were opened up they’d
scream at you. Back then he was killing himself to get through those ten hours
and get back home to her.
The new medications were covered by insurance. |
She worked for the public radio station. After a minute she said I want you to get me
pregnant. | I want you to choke me she said, but he was already cumming. As he pulled out dripping on
the dresser he saw the boy’s eyes were open.No Exit
Every morning he thought: I can’t do this one more day. |
You have to lie every day, every minute, and say you love
the thing that’s killing you. It’s Satanic. | What do we have, better toilets? The men are all liars. The
women are barely people anymore. |
The
fictional charact er missed that smell. The fictional character couldn’ t bring
himself to cum in her. | She’d been crying about the son, who was with his
religious grandmother some place like Yucaipa. She’d take hours to getready before she’d let you at her. |
Maybe twenty
minutes before he heard six loud fast cracks echoing. Ran to the car. | Guns half spilling out the blackduffle bag and he grabbed the one close to his hands, the rifle with the scope and the black stock and
the pointy .308 bullets long as his thumb. Tried to slam the bolt home while he was running and
couldn’t. |
She had to become a stripper. On his
phone, long wounded text exchanges. | You don’t understand how much I hate
what I’ve had to do, t he Honduran said in startlingly good E nglish.
She found his laptop with a spreadsheet rating every teen hooker he’d fucked
all over the planet. I assume he used color coded conditional formatting. |
The crack still echoing in the hills as his ears began ringing. Suddenly his eye socket hurt so
bad it was… it was… what was the word for it. | He couldn’t remember. What is this feeling. |
Fifteen years
old, tops. Like all straight men, I am powerfully sexually attracted to
underage girls. | Far more than to women of legal age. If you aren’t, say so in
the comments. |
He
was out calling the cat. Normally Fluffykins came in as soon as he got home
from work. | But once in a while he’d get in a fight with another cat. Spend
hours squaring off with it under some car. |
Year from now she’ll be
famous. I’ll wave as she rolls up the limousine window. | She’ll forget me
when she eclipses me. Women have to lose. |
There’ s some wonky reason some second-tier ivy schlump can
explain to you on CNBC. Some NPR twat who was driven to field hockey
practice in a toast colored Volvo 240 wagon with a Choate Rosemary Hall
sticker on it can explain over piano jazz, but any bum can tell you: they
want more money , and they can take it. | The governme nt exists only to
speed this up. The government is hideous money spergs hypnotizing fetal
alcohol syndrome snake hand lers. |
God dammit
you cancel this right the fuck away or I’ll call the Attorney General
and have your job. There were follow up calls he had to make to
people who’d backed out and it was always how DARE you call me
during DINNER! Well don’t answer the phone then, jerkoff. | But it
hurt. To do the job well you had to open some part of yourself up to
these people and when you were opened up they’d scream at you.
Back then he was killing himself to get through those ten hours and
get back home to her .
The new medi cations were covered by insurance. |
At that point I’ll have paid 21 thousand for
the car; it’ll be worth 12. Other possessions clocking in at $1,100. | I’ll have a net worth of thirty three
thousand. The median for Americans my age. |
The same
hand with your bite marks on the wrist. Souvenirs.
The girl with the eyes was actually a good host before she went
crazy . | She gave me a bullet vibrator to fingerfuck you guys with so I
wouldn’t feel left out. Meanwhile she was wielding this weird loud
salmon colored device with two menacing looking sci fi heads and
the cute one was stabbing you in the pussy with two fingers while
you were bent over. |
You don’t have to keep stopping the action
to smell it. I want your cuntmusk to be all over me. | I want it to linger for
days. OK, you have a nice night too. |
Go on.
Approximately one mile south of the Palawan Seashore Resort in a mangrove forest there’s a
Filipino ISIS operation. They’re using a girl to get lonely guys to give them information on military
officials. | They’re coordinating with Somali terrorists based in California to get access to American
nuclear weapons. They’re going to reroute them to attack major population centers. |
Get the smell of her fat boozy armpits on my
fingers. Gather details to jerk off later. | Maybe steal her fat girl panties with
a snail smear of musky cuntcrust on them. What can I say. |
Her cool top lip, her soft gentle mouth.
He ran his hand down her back and she arched under it like a shelter kitten
petted for the first time. He was thirsty . | Worried his mouth would be dry . He
was so hard it hurt. |
find someone else. pussy’ s
pussyThe Messiah
We were at dinner. | And how’s your dating life, she asked. Well if I
like them they don’t like me. |
We’re lucky to be alive.
And where are you taking me, she said again.
We have to get to the country. Somewhere where there’s water–
Well if it’s everywhere what’s the point–
It will only be cities, he said.
How do you know?
Because I almost made it happen.Aswang
Don’t come inside, said Maricar. | She was 4′ 11”, 19, looked 14. Waray-Waray. |
His hair was short again. Hers was curly. | I have to get
home to my son, she said. But thank you. |
I’m opening the hatch.
The hinges sounded like a witch squealing over baby meat. Hard to see down the ladder in the
dark but he could make out Kent, pointing the Bushmaster.
Hey man– I come in peace.
Kent half lowered the gun. | What can I do for you, he said. He sounded like he was talking across
a long swimming pool.
Marcy, are you in there?
No one here but me, said Kent.
Where did she go?
I don’t owe you an explanation about anything, said Kent. |
I know you’ve suffered. And I know what you seek. | There was a
wind, and a mist, and she was a beautiful young woman.
I have long sought my protector , she said. If you desire it, I will stay.
Nurture your children. |
You do too so shut the fuck up. I did tweet fireable
offenses on the clock. | Could have got past that deleting Twitter. Anyway
that's not why they said they’d fire me. |
No, no,
see– one of the things you have to get over is hating yourself. Hating women,
hating other people, hating yourself. | You are worthy of love. God made youand God only makes things perfect. |
It was a croak, but to the one they loved it
contained multitudes.
But not him.
Every day at midnight his longi ng woke him up. Made him sit in the high
tree on the high hill and scream come see me. | He knew it was over but
couldn’ t stop. The feeling kicked in on a clock whether needed or not.
Starving, lovelorn and lonely , raggedly screaming from his branch, it
occurred to him that this might never end. |
Her yoga instructor’s husband. He is a musician. | He plays in a
band; perhaps my mother will have gone to see the band perform, typically at
an Italian restaurant. I will hear about the quality of the show.
Then I will be expected to say things. |
She went to
college. Majored in journalism. | Asked her professors: how could you find
someone from their bank account. Treehouse Corporation was an LLC
owned by an S Corp owned by another LLC in Bermuda, and so on. |
A fiduciary duty to screw their customers and
employees as much as they can get away with. Cut costs. | Cut services. Cut
bloat. |
Or the veins that crawl over my hipbones . It will cut
off my blood supply . | I’ll have to get limbs amputated. I will be retarded.
If I wear them high, what. |
You can
hear the mourning doves out back. The mockingbirds. | Raven s with their
tock-tock sound like that hollow ribbed wooden thing you rubbed with a
stick in music class in third grade. Not so bad. |
Truck
height loading docks. Power needs; recent improvements to the sprinkler
system. | A man needs twenty thousand square feet of refrigeration for his
citrus packing operation. Let’s find it for him. |
Pay girls to rub
my back and fuck them when my muscles make them horny .
One starts liking me.3. Quit job, walk around, talk to people
4. | Increase online fame, get more women DMing me until one of
them actually lives in Los Angeles instead of just wanting my
brilliant attention from 3,000 miles away
5. Switch jobs, work at place with women such as a retail
environment
6. |
Very tangentially.
And it dies again. But I’ve taken it somewhere. | Now it’s awkward if I don’t
ask her out. I don’t want to. |
Doesn’t matter.
Wherever I go would be a prison. But even as I’m typing the feeling passes.
It’s enough to go out back, see the grass toss in the wind. | Hear the
hummingbirds. Their crazy one note flute chirp like blowing in a tiny bottle.
Didn’t know hummingbirds could sing until I was 40. |
She is unavailable to take a
birdwatching stroll around the pond today she says, by blocking me.
I could get pussy today if I can keep my infected cyst under control.
Antibiotics did nothing. It sends out red tracers I can feel working into my
brain. | I become ever more retarded. Ever more incapable of writing
anything beside s “this pop culture thing sucks” or “I’d like to fuck
someone.” I haven’ t had an intelligent thought in five years. |
If I told you shoot me in the head, would you literally think I want to be
shot in the head.
My date blew it with her. I couldn’t hear but you could tell Emma couldn’t
stand her. | I’m glad she went first. I had a plan for what I’d say. |
You’re hot but I kind of need a guy with a job.
Why don’t you just stay with me until you find him.
We’ll see, she said, and dug her face between his arm and chest.
Let out a warm breath on his skin. They fell asleep with a big wind
shaking the palms and the coyotes crying in the hills. | He thought:
please let her stay .
**********
When they woke up she was Mexican. Her eyebrows were weird but
her ass was like a poster . |
Finds a down on his luck junkie and gives him free heroin.
Dude better name his first child after me. I don’t remember feeling too high
but it was three miles to get back in dress shoes and I couldn’t feel my feet
hit the sidewalk. | When I got home I called for the cat, I reached out to pick
him up and I fell over into my neighbor’s rosemary patch. I fell pretty hard
and it didn’t hurt. |
The mesh panties with the soft beard hanging out and she asked: same as last time.
One extra thing, he said, and she said I won’t fuck you.
No, can you talk to me. Like what, she asked. | Can you say what you’d say if you loved me, he
said. She made a face like he’d asked what’s 17 times 23.Power Achiever
The Monday before Halloween there were vegetables in the break room. |
Severe sudden onset anal pain. Chills. | Fever. A lump just
inside my rectum. |
When she gets out he’ll massage her for a long time.
Fleetwood Mac on his fancy stereo. Take her to dinner . | Nicest place in
town. A glass of wine at home and the car takes her back to L.A. |
She did too. So what are you doing now, she
said.
I don’t know . | You want to come up the hill with me?
Mayyyyyyyyyyybe, she said. But I don’t want you to think I’m gonna
fuck you.
No need to get ahead of ourselves.
I kind of have a boyfriend.
… how long?
Kind of long. |
Many
chicks were born, many too fell on their heads. Got snapped up by a cat.
The race sustained itself perfectly by accident. | The genes of every living
mockingbird were adequate to eat, nest, sing and reproduce. There was
nothing to fight over. |
Put his face in her hair .
I’m glad I met you, he said.
Yeah, I like you for some reason.
I like you too, he said.
I wonder what it is. You’re a scumbag but you surprised me with the
Debussy .
You didn’t remember that? I talk about it on OKCupid.
We didn’t meet on OKCupid. | It was T inder , she said.Are you sure?
I don’t have OKCupid. I don’t think anyone does anymore.
Will you go out with me again?
I don’t know , honestly . |
Prepare for this. Prepare to die
alone. | Could you be like the 65 year old Aussie bogans in Pattaya with the
snow white crew cut plus rat tail. Tattoos of… I don’t know what, beer
labels, with the 6.5/10 32 year old Thai hooker wife. |
More safety glass, little cubes like diamonds, shot into the meat
like cannonfire. He was scabbing over. | It must have been a while.
Helllbbbbb mmmmeee. |
They pity the slug. I am
beneath pity. | Get a hold of yourself man. Look at the Irish girl’s tits.
She knows now. |
They have apps for every
god damn thing. I’ll give her the Voigt Kampf test while reaming her. | The
tortoise bit will make her pussy clench.
Some positivity . I can breathe. |
Parrots– yellow crowned, red crowned. Blue crowned
macaws, chestnut-fronted–
Wow–
I know– you wouldn’t believe how many species. | You wouldn’t believe how beautiful they were.
And I was so glad I kept living. I was so glad I was 40 and there were still so many things to see for
the first time. |
Responding makes you look weak. Buying into her
world which she knows is crazy. | She wants you to not take her bullshit. But I
want her bullshit, he thought. |
I’d say sign me up. But19 year olds– you say El
Prado, they say yes. | Or they don’t have ID; you walk around the duck pond
then fuck. See them again or don’t. |
Just looking down. Finches burbling. | Low
wet paper color clouds cooling his neck with mist. Then the sun broke out. |
Suckup reporter leering back, eyes like a waterhead
weimaraner . She looked not entirely relieved to no longer have to fuck Matt
Lauer . | He blew it. The PR team was here now. |
A pretty girl showing interest is the
worst thing that’s happened in my life.
OK: you must ask her out. Do it as you’re leaving. | Be a normal person. Say
normal shit. |
He’d dragged the beef jerky display behind a
cash register and half emptied it into a black duffel bag. Also with tags. | There was a crunch
somewhere and the walls shook and the alarm squealed and stopped. In the distance many others. |
They’ll keep their fucking
dog inside.
I don’ t want another animal to die. Someone else’ s pet, because of this thing
that was an accident. | But it’s an accident because a pit bull can’t make
decisions. It can’t make decisio ns because it’s a killing machine. |
Y ou’re perfect.I don’t love the way I am. But I can’t die. | And I can’t hurt you. So you
might as well go to bed and let me think.
… will you tell me a sto–
You don’ t want to hear it.
It took a long time for him to fall asleep. |
Yes– he was. He talked people into selling their companies. | He had a guy
who was, like, a metallurgist. What he was working on was big. |
The message, therefore, was:
become a terrorist . I need to wash your sperm out of me, she said.
When she went in the bathro om she was white. | When she came out
she was Asian. His hair was longer and he had the beginnings of a
beard. |
What if I want a wife. A kid. | You need a
recommendation.
So what. Disgusted with myself. |
She
doesn’t usually like men. Heard this a thousand times. | I’ve told a thousand
women: the cat doesn’t like you. Don’t take it personally. |
After we fucked last night I felt something. Contentment,
connection. | Like it was from God. S he felt it too, I can tell. |
Knows
I’ll protect her. The booms kept coming and the dog wasn’t scared.
Thank God she didn’t think I’d stop the noise. | I’d really look like a
douche.
They were going to go out but they stayed in and did crosswords. He
picked her up and bent her over and lifted her poufy white rich girl
towel and fucked her with her wet black hair sticking to her back. |
I have to work. Don’ t
you understand, my boss needs more money . | Bills to be fed, FICO score
needs new debts so I can one day pay “them” for a 500,000 dollar shack
plus 450,000 in interest until I’m 70.
I love her and she’s mad at me. Could I take this every day for say the next
40 years. |
Or why did you rape me and she’s recording it.
Have to say here I never raped anybody . I get affirmative consent as
mandated by State Senator Kevin De Leon (D-CA). | Who I’m sure fucks his
interns without affirmative consent. Like all men with TV jobs, with no
exceptions. |
But my dick went into a pussy . Suddenly I don’ t
think about strapping on a vest of flechettes and red phosphorus and
heading to a protest, government building or school. | We went for Indian
food after. She didn’ t eat because she relapsed out of AA and has body
dysmorphia. |
Let her have happiness, let her not be alone, feel alone. Praying as he’d been
taught. | No one heard.
Out in the desolate hills, a mile past the water tank. Only the high passes were burned. |
Agnes
married one of them. They’ll buy a house in El Sereno. | She’ll make sure it’ s
on the edge where Asians live, for the schools. He runs and runs and they
open the sliding closet door like an earthquake just in case my good dreams
are kicking in. |
She was hung over and they laid in bed all day talking.
She told him a story . For a second he saw part of her she didn’t
share. | Like riding in a car in winter, passing a house with a window lit
up at night.
He woke up with the new girl naked against him. That felt the same
too. |
Call for as long as it takes for you to come. You’d come running up,
follow me inside. | Get in bed, knead the blanket with your claws and lay with
me in the cold. Bud you can’t be gone. |
She’s thinking about video shoots that guys from
bands invited her to, while I’m thinking about her. Cool interes ting people
are inviting her to swimming pools. | I’m buying unnecessary trash bags at
Target to get out of the house.
**
I should take a year off. Not write. |
When he kissed the bride she
slipped him tongue. She had a sense of humor like that. | He started to laugh
but it felt like a scared bald mouse. T asted like a battery .
The honeymoon was in Tanzania. |
Yes their comic books are wild, she said,
but they have no concept of danger . Where they're from you can sleep on
the street.
Ooooooooo-uh, whispered the girl.
She was beautiful. | Even her jagged teeth made her approachable. You need
an imperfection.
Hi, he said. |
etc. etc.” and everything else. | Instead
it’s one hundred per cent things that don’t matter and zero per cent the only
thing that does matter. And if you ever did talk about the one thing you
thought, you’d get thrown in jail.
Anyway, back to work.OKCupid: Terms of Service
Any girl who smokes will fuck you. |
Waddled wildly until he could get if
off. There looked to be a door under a rack where a naked man was
wired to a car battery , shrieki ng. | He ran for it. Great Merciful God, it
was unlocked. |
Young enough to have that
glow, but an adult. Someone has her. | Not you. You should have bought an
amp and got in a band. |
Read about her too wracked with sobs to talk on the
phone. Trying to tell a friend through her shuddering snot-cry that it was
Comey… Comey… Too emotional for a concession speech. | She had to
send out Podesta, the squirelly jizz guzzling hustler who rapes babies then
eats them for Satan. I felt bad. |
The color of toothpaste. Then just pick, she said.
Vampire please.
I knew you’d pick that.
She said it sweetly. | But he still thought: then why the fuck did you ask. She slid behind him to
string up the tape by his printer. |
Subsets and Splits