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Ego-death, spiritual awakening, huge mind issues.Hey I am years old, Ive been in a very bad state of mind (slightly delusional, formed a destructive identity in my mind) for months now. Dont know how I pushed through though. I am feeling torn between two parts of me. One part sees death as only solution (very very valid feeling), the other part says nothing matters now anymore, so you can keep playing the game - thing is, the dark part wont subside then. This habit came on its own after Months of Depersonalization and DR, both known to provide for awakenings. But mine spiralled from an partial awakening, to depression and ended in a split identity. This "I", this observing spectator, this stable grounding identity, which I relied on during my anxiety days, mindfulness meditations and where I was sure, that I can do it, I will get over it, and live peacefully after this dark period, broke away. It is gone. Instead it is either total identification with ego or a somehow "inbetween" state. I dont have a grounded identity anymore, an I in which I can say that I want to live %, instead a submind which when it takes over, I feel like I shouldnt be living anymore and that anything I lived before is nothing but a story and nothing matters anymore (potential nihilism). No good vibes anymore, total apathy on some days where I dont know if I can even connect to people or my identity. BUT NO SYMPTOMS OF DP whatsoever. What happened? How do I know "I" want to live? Till now, I chose the part that felt more authentic to me, the peace. But this conflict creates a vacuum. Just imagine jumping off a cliff but without ground to hit on. I feel so lost. So not like a normal person. So crazy. I am currently in therapy, for weeks now. | suicide |
Anyone wanna DM? I just want someone to talk toooooo >.< | non-suicide |
hopeI always had hope that things would work out. That eventually I would make everything "click". I no longer see any hope for a viable future and it's an unnerving feeling. I think hopelessness is usually the last step. | suicide |
I dont even know anymore So yeah. One of my best friends has like completely ghosted me. Like out of no where. We had texted last weekend but she hasnt texted me or talked to me at school or anything but i dont even know what i have done wrong because i havent even said anything? I have voices in my head telling me things. is anxiety saying im stupid and messed up and do everything wrong and the other one is trying hard to fight back but isnt winning. Now i feel kinda like i hate myself because my friends are kinda drifting away and one has just completely gone now and i dont even know why. I want to say this is an oof but it just hurts. | non-suicide |
Can i talk to someone please or someone give me a reason why i shouldnt overdose right now.[M] Hi. Can someone please convice me not to overdose rn. I had to build up massive courage to tell one of my friends that i was suicidle and tried to OD last week on Melatonin. I was asleep for hours and was throwing up and fainting. He didnt believe me and made jokes about it. I feel like shit. I want to escape. I have ADHD, Severe anxiety, depression, PTSD. I get bullied. I get told to kill myself infront of my face. I get hit as a joke by people at school. If im outside i get shouted mean things to me. I just cant live anymore. I want to make the people who tell me to end myself happy. It would be a better place for everyone. Im such a burden, i cant do anything right at all. I have hurt myself because of it. And i will probably delete this account either in regret or if i do decide to do it. And yes, i do have a therapist who doesnt know of my attempt last week yet. I dont want anyone to know. I have Melatonin, Anti depressants, Adderall, Lexapro all next to me. Idk what to do. Im not calling anyone. Or texting. | suicide |
DeathSome days I'm terrified of death, thinking about being dead for eternity is overwhelming. Other days like today, I welcome it. When the pain becomes too much and I have to drown it all out with alcohol. I'm not sure what will happen when that's not enough. | suicide |
Cant take anymore.Everything hurts. Im out of a job, homeless as of days ago, sleeping in my boyfriends garage who just broke up with me. What am I doing with my life and why cant I stop this pain? Everything is spiraling out of control | suicide |
Hi, suicidal thoughts/addiction helpI dont know what to do anymore. I have a good job and am but no matter how much money I make I blow it. Im sliding into debt basically because of my addiction. It isnt a normal addiction so I dont know who cares, I will go out once a month maybe, maybe more than that and have a few drinks and even though I know I shouldnt do it Ill end up in a whore house, high, by the end they will give credit and I wake up and I am fucked again. Im typically a very anxious/worry prone person and this behaviour makes everything x worse....I am constantly worrying, I cant see a way out for my idiotic behaviour, I never thought of suicide before but now I am increasingly, I dont want to be a burden to my parents anymore and I dont want to worry anymore. To those who say dont do what your doing...yes, i can go for weeks without drinking and then self destruct and blow all the work in a day, I fucking hate myself, my lack of willpower. I dont know what to do at this point so maybe this is just venting. I never took drugs until I started working /years back either. I dont blame anyone else for this although as said before yrs ago I had never ever had any inclination to pay for sex nor had I taken drugs, I guess the late s/s senior people I worked with were all into tha big time and thats what started it. But now I have developed a full blown issue. So, thats it. I am on the train now, I know myself and I know that its a matter of time before I work up the courage. Ive pretty much thought of this non stol for months.. | suicide |
I'm too dumb for this world.I make stupid mistakes constantly. Just tonight my husband had to go to a different town because I ordered from a pizza place that had the same name as one down the street. Sure, it takes about as long to go there because it's so close, but hearing him call me up while he was outside the place I thought I ordered from and then waiting for my emails to load on my phone and him asking me if I had the receipt email while I was still waiting for it to load just sent me into a dark place. I know he thinks I'm stupid. How could he not? My husband is so damn intelligent and he has never made me feel stupid on purpose. I just feel like an unintelligent person compared to him. &#xB; So often I notice my mistakes that wouldn't have been made if I was just paying closer attention. My mind is usually on other things I deem more important like work. When I come home my brain is fried and I can't focus on much. I work as an administrative assistant (just started last week; I do love it, to be quite honest) and when I'm in the office I put all of my energy into my work. Now I'm just a shell at the end of the day. Sometimes it takes me a few moments to grasp what my husband is saying to me or asking me about. I just can't keep up some days. Those days, much like today, make me feel worthless and stupid. I feel like I can't even make sense of simple things. &#xB; Thank you for reading. I'm sorry for the long post. | suicide |
if you get irresponsibly pregnant you should have to deal with the consequences this isnt like a pro choice pro life argument like if you cant handle having a child and you get a girl pregnant or get yourself pregnant both parents should have to deal with the consequences there is so many ways around it and if you are irresponsible enough to actually get pregnant then that sucks for u | non-suicide |
I'm making myself some soup. You guys are welcome to have a bowl. | non-suicide |
Confide in me.If anyone needs to let go of thoughts and open their mind up to breathing cleaner air, I'm here to shoot the breeze. My mental health is trash but I am coming to a point in my life where I am fighting back. Message me! | suicide |
I'm years old, and THIS YEAR is my "win or die" year.If this year does not live to be successful, if I don't not end up look any better than I do right now, if I do *not* have my dreams accomplished, and if everything goes to total shit (as it is right now), I will go to the mall with my mom one day and I will run & jump from the highest floor. This has been thoroughly planned If this year *does* happen to be somewhat successful, and I end up looking better, and I somehow end up taking someone to the junior ball with me, and if I end up making actual friends that respect me, I *won't* die. I'm not saying I'm suicidal, I really don't want I kill myself. In fact, I've never hurt myself or cut myself not even once. I'm terrified of death. But as I said, this is my *win or die* year. If I fail this year, then it is ultimately guaranteed that the rest of my life shall continue that way. I am better off dead. And when I say that, I am truly serious. | suicide |
Mokey's Show subreddit I made a subreddit for memes about Mokey's Show. You don't have to join it but you can if you want :) We try to have fun (and nightmares) So if you like Mokey's Show by Sr Pelo, go check out my subreddit: [ | non-suicide |
I keep having dark thoughts about killing myself, but I don't know why.I'm not depressed, my home life is alright, college is okay, I have good friends, I'm happy most days...but in the small hours when I'm left to my own thoughts, the thought of killing myself just drifts in...like whisperings in the trees and ill find my self sat there for hours just thinking about it, thinking about whats on the other side... :/ | suicide |
Unconditional love is unrealistic The reason for this is that there are at least conditions that are required for a healthy relationship: . They should love you back. If your partner doesnt love you back, then the relationships already failed, and . They shouldnt treat you like shit. Now, let me clarify: There are masochists and sadists in the world, and for them, being treated like shit and treating others like shit is their kink, but theres a difference between being treated like shit as a kink and being treated like shit because your partner is just a garbage human being. It may not always be easy to tell when your partner is a garbage human being, especially if you really feel like you love them, but if you ever feel like youre not in a good relationship, then its a good idea to leave. If that person really loves you, then theyll try to fix their behavior for you. Now, that may not always be the easiest thing to do if its become a habit, but if theyre trying to change, then its a good idea to stick it out for until you feel like they maybe have stopped trying, at which point you should leave (and remember that second chances are good, but too many second chances can be very bad). If they dont try to be better, then leave them immediately. They dont love you and maybe never truly did. TL;DR: Make sure your partner loves you back and doesnt treat you like shit (unless youre a masochist, in which case: know the difference between being treated like shit as a kink and just plain being treated like shit) | non-suicide |
I don't know what to do anymoreI don't know where to start or what I'm doing...I feel so trapped. I've been living with my sister and her family for a few years. First, they were letting me have a place to stay after my first big breakup, then when I went back to college. I've since graduated and haven't moved out. It's been...at least a year? Maybe . years. Idk. I feel like I should be doing more. Being on my own. They've never said anything about it and lament not have a rd person to entertain their toddler should ever I leave....I want to leave. I've searched for apartments and jobs but I can't find anything where I wouldn't be living paycheck to paycheck. At least here I can save a little. Recently I was approved for a small mortgage...I want to have a hobby farm. I love growing things. I love caring for animals. That and art are the main things I'm passionate about. But idk if I can do it. I'd have to stay at my current job- retail low level management. I absolutely hate it. I worked there since college and worked my way up. Now all my coworkers hate me for the promotion. I was competing against them for it. The customers are rude and inconsiderate. Higher management is screwing everyone over. Everytime I think about going to work, i think about killing myself instead. The thoughts are so much worse at work...idk if i can handle this job anymore. Nothing else, not even jobs using my degree, pay better locally though... can't have a mortgage if I don't have a well paying job... I could move away. Start entry level in my degree field. Get paid shit for a few years. Run through all my savings. I hate myself thinking about it. I just want to be happy and escape. I've been melancholy all my life, even as a kid. The past few years I've seriously considered suicide. I'm just so tired. I feel like I could've been great but I missed my chance. Why should I be the in a mil to live a good life. I can't even motivate myself to change much of anything. I don't feel happiness anymore. Sometimes a brief peace in my garden or with my pets. Otherwise I just want it all to be over. And I don't know what else to do. | suicide |
UnamedYou know, Ive always known that I'm going to die by suicide, I just havent known when. This last week, ive realized that it is going to happen this year | suicide |
Why havent I had my period yet? Im and i still havent had my first period. My sisters and shes already started having her period. Im a boy and idk why i havent had my period yet | non-suicide |
TodayI've got a noose setup in the basement and im drinking now, its time for me to die. I took shrooms months ago and it permanently ruined my life, i should have known better, why god why? My family doesnt deserve this pain, I love them very much. I made a mistake, i should not be condemend for life. I just want to feel something again anything other than this fuckin soul destroying numbness god please im sorry, im sorry mom, im sorry dad, im sorry everyone, this was not suppossed to be how i die, i messed up im sorry i cant feel fucking anything no love no sex drive no empathy my life feels like a fucking sad movie. Help me god, is there an afterlife am i even fucking real???? Please just fix me i dont know anythig anymore ive gone pyschotic. Help. | suicide |
I need help months ago, the girl I love left me, and since then everything has slowly deteriorated and my life is in pieces. I have nothing to keep me motivated, no reason to wake up in the morning. All my friends are distant and won't return my calls or messages, and nobody is ever here when I need them. I'm an outcast. While I was once a fairly popular person with many friends, I now hang out at school by myself, because I have no one to be with. Life is beginning to feel like a chore that I can never finish, and my mind constantly drifts to thoughts of death and suicide. On different occasions, I've planned out my suicide and almost carried it through, however I stopped due to fear of failure. I feel invisible, almost as if no one would even notice that I had committed suicide. Maybe if I did it, people would finally understand how hard this is. She would see how much pain she's caused, and then they'd all beg for another chance to see me. A chance they were never willing to take while I was around. I need a reason to keep going. Something other than "it gets better" or "You'll meet new people". Because that isn't enough to stop me. I want to know it's worth it to put the knife down if I ever try again. I want to have hope, that maybe I'll get through it and be the old me again. | suicide |
Monday is the day... But no one will read this.So i posted here before and don't expect anyone to read or reply to this. I just kinda wanted to get it out. I wrote all the individual letters to people so they don't feel like my choice was their fault and i hope that eases some of their pain this will cause but i can't really stop that. I'm going through with this Monday so i can spend the weekend with my son and gf and when she leaves for work on Monday and when i put my kid downfor his afternoon nap I'll send out the text messages, call the police so someone can be here before my kid wakes up and I'll be gone by that time.. If i get the timing right. Wellthis is it i guess.. Anyone wanna tell me some stories or interesting posts to read? Maybe some cool music or something to enjoy before i go? Anyone wanna get something of their chest? | suicide |
I'm so close to giving up everything, reddit..I don't know what to do anymore. I've been suicidal for the past years, and it seems to be the easiest thing to do anymore. I don't know who to turn to for help. I don't have any close friends. Turning to my boyfriend for my issues is only going to put my relationship at risk even more. My parents and "family" have fallen apart. Even my past posts (which have been deleted) to /r/ hasn't done me any good. I feel like people are no longer there for me, I don't know what to do anymore, and I just want someone who gives a flying fuck for once.. Sorry for ranting. | suicide |
Kinda down Yeah basically just that....and also kinda stressed cuz of the exam bad days ig lol Anyway, how was ur day? | non-suicide |
One of my older stray cat is raping the smaller ones What the titlte says. We have a bunch of stray cats we feed daily ( cats, youngest months old, oldest . years old). So there is this months old male cat trying to rape the and months old. It can't really do anything since both young cats are male and he just, you know can't stick it's pp, also I checked the young ones' necks' (male cats bite that spot while they're mating) and I couldn't see or feel anything noticable other than slight wetness. But younger cats get very uncomfortable and meow for help. What should I do to stop that mf? (We already had an appointment for nutrition, weeks left before his dick gone) | non-suicide |
Scottish people seem really aggressive Id like to visit Scotland but Im worried ill look at some daft prick the wrong way and ill be forced to slog the wanker | non-suicide |
Why is America so dumb I was just at an outdoor restaurant and all the employees have masks but take them off to talk to you. Like the masks are there so I dont get coronavirus when you talk so whats the point of having it on in the first place. Its like have your seatbelts in an airplane on during a smooth flight but then the pilot says that they are gonna have an crash landing and then you take off your seatbelt so you can feel more comfortable in your seat. | non-suicide |
You know whats weird? When you suck at something hut then the Creative Writing club leader says we can pick our editing partners this time and the entire club wants to be my partner. Fuck off and use grammarly, it does nothing and its still better than me | non-suicide |
Hilda and Martin. &#xB; | non-suicide |
Six of February twenty twentyI'm going to give life one more shot until // if nothing changes by then I'm going to kill myself | suicide |
Coming from a straight guy, stop with the Super Straight ya dinguses Basically Super Straight started as a joke (a poor one) and eventually grew into something people where people calling themselves saying they are part of the LGBT+ community, either seriously, or to rhile up LGBT people. Just stop Straight people are literally the least oppressed sexual group, and trying to say your part of LGBT or trying to make the community angry for laughs is, as I say, cringe. They struggle to secure their own right, and have been victims of numerous hate crimes. Tldr, stop using super straight seriously or as a joke. | non-suicide |
Why does my mind always come back here?I post on this subreddit often. Usually when I am thinking about killing myself. I feel like I must not want to do it because Im writing about it in hopes that people will remind me of the reasons worth living. Tell me itll get better...or remind me who I will hurt. I guess this only works temporarily though because every other day, sometimes more, I feel this way. Being suicidal is a pain unlike others. Its in my throat. It makes my vision fuzzy...it makes me forget things.. I often feel like Im actually not awake. I can feel it in my stomach and sometimes in my bones. Almost like my body is giving up with my mind. I can feel the tears behind my eyes. I can feel the stress and sadness all the way from my stomach to my mouth. I lose my appetite most times but other times I binge eat. Last night I had an entire bag of chips and dip to myself. All of them. Like all of it. I would give anything not to feel this way...but I feel like the part of me that is holding on to life doesnt have control. Because the suicidal part of me is so strong that Im literally doing nothing to help myself. How can I save myself when for the most part I dont want to be saved? I just want it to end. | suicide |
Theres no point. This is all a joke.Im done. Im doing it. Quick & easy. I just want to be gone forever | suicide |
Just got rejected. Wouldnt recommend Ive had a crush on this girl for three years and weve been best friends for that time. You see a lot of success stories on this subreddit, but when you actually look at how often your crush actually has feelings back its a lot less. People like feel oof stories which is why you dont hear a lot about the rejections. Think of how many highly rated movies have a sad ending. Nobody wants to hear something that discourages them, but more often then not thats the way it works. No one wants their own hopes crushed, because everyone wants their crush to like them back. So the tops posts are of people whos crushes say they like them back, so people think that their crushes will do the same. Im here to tell you it doesnt always happen that way. So yeah I wouldnt recommend getting rejected. Not fun. | non-suicide |
A stupid ass thought I had in my head So you know how theres transgender, where you can Identify as a different gender. What if there was that, but for age? | non-suicide |
Just in case.I wanted to leave this here. Just n case I actually go through with it. I am so, sad. I'm losing my kids. It hurts so much. Their mom is taking them across the country and I have two choices, either let them go and fly up to them once a month or only see and hear from them for six months out of the year. I cant explain how much of a broken person I am. I'm still young and my body is broken because of my military service. I have to take pills every day of my life just to stay safe because of a head injury. I have no family anywhere near me and only a handful of friends. It's not a pity party. I have given everything I can to my kids. I want them to be better than me. I can drop about , in their moms account and know that they at least have something. I dont want anything or anyone to talk me out of it. I just wanted to vent into the oblivion that is this place. I have my bottle of whiskey, my sleeping pills, and found the knife I used the last time. The kids just went to their moms. No one will know anything is wrong for at most a week. Fuck. I'm crying like a bitch because I'm so close and I will just miss my kids. | suicide |
I told my parents Im going to kill myself and they just wished me the bestAs I was walking out of the door my mum said she hopes thatll now make me happy. Nobody tried to stop me or check if I would be okay. Ive told them I feel suicidal about times before, and theyve pretty much brushed it off like its just attention seeking. Now idk about you but I think thats pretty fcuked up. Of course your child is seeking attention they want to fcuking die because they cannot take life anymore. Im just so sick of everything. I feel like I have no one I can turn to. My ex left me, I have no real friends and now my family have turned their back on me. I just cant take this anymore. | suicide |
Hey buddies, y'all are vallid. You are valid and a wonderful being, no matter what you are. If you're trans, you're vallid. If you have disabilities, you're valled. You are valid no matter who you call friend or not. You are vallid even if you are in a "weird" community like weebs, furries or even bronies. Everyone is valid, no matter what they are, even insane people are valid. You are valid, matter what you are. God loves all of you, as you are his creation. Have a nice day and stay safe. | non-suicide |
wellThis isn't the first time I've wanted to end things. Probably more like the hundredth. The only thing keeping me away from it was my (now ex) girlfriend. And that ended because of my faults I made. I don't really have friends, just people who will talk to me/hang out with me when they need something. I have someone to talk to but he lives miles away. The main problem is the ex. She's dropped me like I'm nothing. I have terrible anxiety and find my myself trying to contact her a ridiculous amount in a single day, checking her social network stuff every few minutes, and just thinking about her. I have nothing to get my mind off of her and even when I try to do something to get my mine off of her I'll sit there and think "I'm just doing this to get my mind off of you". It'd be a whole lot better if I at least have friends to go hang out with or something. I tried to find some today but not a single person answered my texts or phone calls. I had terrible depression about two years ago and this is exactly how I spiraled in to it last time and I refuse to go back down. And things have only been getting worse. I have more than enough pills to do this trick. Plenty of alcohol to add to the equation also. I'm btw | suicide |
Want to do it so badIm just sitting in my car right now, in a parking lot no one would find with my gun ready to shove it in my head and just end it all.. seems really peaceful. | suicide |
Here's a little Thanksgiving Song! [ | non-suicide |
Just a matter of timeI started planning my suicide in a roundabout way at first a few weeks ago, just writing my suicide note like I did with my last attempt two years ago. Over the past few weeks it's escalated and now I can't go a full minute without imagining some increasingly awful way to kill myself (think: cutting my throat, electrocuting myself, jumping off a bridge and drowning in the river). My mind is full of all these awful images and I can't make them stop. I've been huffing cleaning chemicals to try to imagine what they might taste like going down my throat, testing my blades against my skin and fantasizing about applying the perfect amount of pressure to make that last fatal cut.... Everything is too loud, too fast, too much, and too often. I can't deal with it anymore; I just want to make it all stop. I'm a failure at everything I've ever tried to do and just when I think things are going good my life starts falling apart all over again; I'll always just be a lazy, selfish, manipulative, self-destructive cutter with a drinking problem and a dead-end job and a broken family. I do have a few people that might miss me if I were gone but I'm tired of living with this pain just for their benefit. I'm sure they could go on without me, in fact they'd probably be better off. Thanks to anyone who read this. I guess my point is if I don't do it tonight I'll probably do it one of these nights. Just tired of being alone with this. Again, thanks. | suicide |
Here is an old animation I made back in February Here is the link filler filler filler filler filler | non-suicide |
I am good at giving advice. My friends call me guru aka sage . If you want any advice hmu | non-suicide |
NEED HELPI just want to kill myself. Everyone says I am a really bad person. I don't have a good attitude and I always disappoint everyone. I have lost my friends and my family. No one wishes to help me even when I cry for help. My father can't stop calling me a prostitute and a dog and my mother can't help me and send me for therapy when I begged her to. I was suicidal once and I don't want to go back to that dark phase again. No one really understands me. When I share my pain with my mom she says she has bigger problems. I can't help it if I do't know how to react to situations. I can't help it if I don't know how to cope up with my emotions. Everyone makes me feel useless and worthless. I don't see a reason to live anymore. Why doesn't my family care? Giving money and food is not the only responsibility of the parents. I am just all alone right now. Someone please help me! PLEASE! | suicide |
No FutureTo whoever listens, I couldn't be bothered to write a note, so this post will probably be my goodbye. I am years old and a year ago my best friend killed herself. Since then, I've fallen into a whirlpool of depression. My grades have slipped so far that college seems out of the question. My dad is borderline abusive -- he refuses to let me take antidepressants because i should "suck it up" and my mom sides with him no matter what. To top it off, last week my only other friend in the world got into a car accident and is in a coma. Apparently he's brain dead. I visited him today to tell him goodbye and that we'll be in the same boat soon. Right now my parents are out with work friends and I have an entire bottle of sleeping pills that I stile ready to go. If I'm not gone by the time they're home, I plan on slitting my wrists. What's one more cut right? Anyway, goodbye to all of you people. See you on the otherside. | suicide |
everyday i feel like dyingI cant believe that there are people who wake up with a smile on their face and genuinely enjoy their days. Im so tired of these demons inside my head keeping me from sleeping at night when I need it more than anything. Some people would pray to a god that they grow stronger but I pray that the universe kills me in my sleep. I lay awake at in the morning trying to fight the urge to slice my neck open and society expects me to suck it up, do my daily dosage of homework and attend school a couple of hours later like nothing happened. I cant think anymore, Im always tired, my body is giving up. I used to be a straight A student, I used to be smart. This is beyond ridiculous, Im being punished for absolutely nothing at all. Im a kid, please, I just want to be innocent for just one day of my life. I never had a childhood, what am I supposed to look back on? Ive spent all my days wishing I was dead, how can I just pick up and forget them? Ive never been happy a day in my life. I cant even remember anything from before age . Why cant I just die? Why wont they help me? Is it because I am female? Puberty? hormones? What would society like to label me as? were all just statistics. nobody cares. whats the point of seeing tomorrow | suicide |
Guys I found out how to do boring classwork Jk lol I'm not a wizard (filler filler filler) | non-suicide |
I fucking hate newyork and all these fucking Democrat mayors. I went to a Walmart upstate where they sell guns and we (me my step day and mom) bought a . rifle in April, anyway we ran out of ammo for it (we were using it at the range) so we went to Walmart in Sunday and my step dad isnt a huge gun guy, he just wanted it for self defense, so he didnt remember the caliber but I know the caliber of the guns because Im basically a gun nerd, anyway I asked the lady (store clerk) for . rounds (my step dad was right next to me) and she gave us a attitude and said not for you so I said yeah Ik its for him, its not my gun so she responded we cant help u because u asked for the ammo, its the law. So I asked what law and she said I cant sell ammo if a kid asks for it first (no such law in newyork). I fucking hate this state, I want to move to Texas so I can buy a ar- at years old with no questions asked. If Im with my parent u have no right to refuse your service, especially if u dont own the store. | non-suicide |
Contemplating suicideI'm in my mid-late s, musician primarily who made his living through cover bands, wedding bands, cruise ships, independent music on the side, and a seasonal part time gig once in my life. Due to covid, I have no way to make a living. I'm on unemployment and have been searching for jobs daily and can't seem to land an interview for a minimum wage despite making roughly $k a year in music on my own. I feel like a failure and having to lie on online applications that I'm some sort of outgoing person when I'm very much a loner tears apart at my soul and my very core beliefs on morality and being an honest person. I feel trapped, I've had over a decade worth of therapy, I was raised by hoarders in an apartment complex with meth heads and prostitutes all through high school, and only now after my parents inherited money were they able to even move out and get a house for themselves. I just don't see the point in life anymore. I hate everyone and everything, I don't see there being any return to an economic future for myself, living in my hometown with my family makes me hate myself even more, every relationship has wound up with me getting taken advantage of and lied to or cheated on. I don't know, this was probably stupid to even post this. I'm exhausted. Even being on meds and switching that over the years, doesn't seem to help. I try to go outside every day and at least get a little bit of sunlight and vitamin D, even that's not enough. Whatever, I probably sound like a whiny bitch but at this point I don't know what else to do. I'm tired of having vivid dreams and waking up that I'm late to a show or a rehearsal or a job and then coming to the realization that I'm not late to anything and I'm just an unemployed loser who can never find his place in society. If I had a gun I would've ended things by now, but those damn things scare the shit out of me. | suicide |
GUYS i think im god so i have a few incidents to prove this i guess .when i got my new pc all i did was play minecraft . i got my friends to play minecraft and boom it got popular and relevant again .when i saw richardo milos for the first time when it wasnt popular it was funny as hell so i kinda liked it and then boom it blew up in memes .i liked the ghanna coffin dance stuff and guess what . BOOM IT BLEW UP TOO .recently the lmar roasting franklin meme was funny the n--gaaaaa part was pretty funny .at that time no one posted those memes .a week later ,it blew up too . i know you will % not believe me but .*tis the truth.* | non-suicide |
Here's my suicide note. I hope i actually do it (one day) and not be a cowardI finally did it. I decided to end my life, and now you know all of the years i was talking about it i was serious. What makes you so surprised? I can't remember a chapter in my life that things worked in my favor, even with the effort i put in, or perhaps i was a lazy sad sap after all. Please don't come to my funeral if you remember treating me like shit. That would be sad for us. Just don't show up, if you were an asshole to me, you don't enjoy my company, and you know it, then respect me for once and don't come to my funeral. Now, i see i don't actually have a worth in life, that makes life important for me to stay. So why not go? Anyway, i never achieved an intelligent brain, being that i was disruptive in school, it never being for me. Im finally ready for death, as it was waiting for me early on, due to the learning difficulties and such. I guess i kind of took the pill, that is, if you put your efforts into something, try your best, then you will get the result you want. For me, that's someone who loves me, a special woman who would be with me through the best and worst of times. But she needs a man that actually has some good moments, which has never happened for me. I've tried a change of attitude, etc but im just ruminating now, so i took the painless route which should be beneficial for all of us as economically I've been unhelpful with being a productive citizen. Mom, dad, bro, and the rest of you... We're all humans, maybe we fought and disagreed, perhaps i wasn't an exemplary character, or you weren't good to me. I don't know. Im sorry im killing myself but i do think it's time i must go. I love you all, and genuinely hope it works out better for you than it did for me. Don't fucking say i was a sweet and kind soul too, that's super obnoxious. I've done some evil shit. I think we all have, but yes, i have been bullied and cheated frequently because they see me as a doormat. Yes, you may donate my organs. | suicide |
It's tonightI'm going to listen to some rap place of Minecraft do all my chores and then kill myself | suicide |
Hey guys...Ive held in these thoughts for so long that I might as well just fucking spit it out already!!! I seriously cannot take it anymore, everyone and everything in my life just seems so pointless to me. Ive always faked my joy and happiness just to make sure no one would notice anything wrong with me. I find it really hard to feel genuinely happy and pleasured anymore. Im always in denial about the issues I go through, even with the ones that I am reluctant to trust. Im so fucking worthless... Honestly if I were to off myself right now, I wouldnt really understand why anybody would miss someone like me anyways... | suicide |
Why was afraid of Because was Osama Bin Laden | non-suicide |
I took acid the other dayI saw that death is just as legitimate as life... They are the same. Nothing is forfeited by choosing death... I am so alone... I am so alone... I am so alone... | suicide |
I have a Minecraft server but no one to play with. Its a Anarchy server but I only ever have like people on. I just was wanna see some people play it. It is semi vanilla and only has plugins. There are no rules. If you wanna come I would be honored. So would you guys join and play? PM me for the IP. | non-suicide |
Day Of Asking How Everyone Is Doing Filler filler filler e, the sequel filler filler filler | non-suicide |
Yo lowkey white girls are the worst group of people | non-suicide |
Chat with me stinky insomniacs Bored, short, and full of socks | non-suicide |
What's the point?I'm years old. I'm a guy with bipolar disorder. I am in the middle of the worst depressed state of my life. I miss my ex-girlfriend so much that my heart hurts to keep beating. I feel like I'm playing a video-game with no objective. I feel like the saddest man in the world. I haven't talked to her in almost years. I have become a recluse. I lost all of my friends. I don't go outside. I gained weight. I miss her every day. | suicide |
IronyI came to Reddit for help. Instead, I was made to feel worse. But hey!! Thanks! I will just reach my destiny sooner. | suicide |
DONT OPEN HORNY INSIDE so whats the deal with airline food? dm me if u kno | non-suicide |
I want someone to take care of me.I wish I didnt have to face the world. I cant make it. Im not strong enough for it. I want to curl up on a ball and have someone hold me and love me and protect me from the world. Someone whose only focus on life is me. I always think life would be much easier if I had someone like that. I wish someone saw me. | suicide |
My brain is such a twat I was horny and then my brain decided to remind me how lonely I am and how I oh so wish I have a girlfriend | non-suicide |
This is when I really scare myself.Pretty seriously thinking of ending it. I'm not crying or hysterical, I'm very logical right now. I know who I want to take care of my cat and the people I want to say goodbye to. I cut myself last night and it helped for a bit but now it's morning and jumping out of the window is looking pretty good. This is when I scare myself, when thinking about dying makes me not care. I don't feel ashamed or anything like that just matter of fact. If I do it everything ends, if I don't everything keeps going. | suicide |
"I just want to stay friends, sorry" oh, so do you ghost all your other friends for months? :) | non-suicide |
My body is breaking down, and I might never be able to get a job. Horrified at the prospect of being cared for or becoming homelessIm a y old uni student. I have always been quite weak. On average I spent around weeks being sick as a kid per year. Lately I have developed a condition where I constantly need to pee, and I feel irritation and pain h. I am also tired, nauseous, aching somewhere nonstop. I am not drinking, not taking drugs, not smoking, so I have no idea whats going on. I lost the ability to do student jobs because of my health, and right now am am scared that I wont ever be able to work. I dont have money for private doctors, and state funded ones dont give a crap "its just anxiety" I feel my lifen is falling to pieces and I will either end up handicapped being taken care of, or I will just die on the street. I want to live, but I decided to write here, as it seemed like a good place to take this off my chest. | suicide |
Tell me why I shouldnt Kill myself and my familyTheyre the main reason for my depression. They dont give a rats ass about me. | suicide |
Science teachers make no sense Can I go to the bathroom No, if you needed to go, you wouldve gone to the bathroom like lady, shouldnt you, a science teacher, know bladders dont work like that? | non-suicide |
I don't know.I hate my life. I'm only years old, but I wake up every day wanting to just end my life so badly. I have no idea why. I hate myself, and I tell myself I'm extremely fat, although everyone tells me I'm just a little over average. I have been depressed for years. I have a lot of friends and I can make new ones whenever I want to. My parents has never been abusive or bad parents in any way. I think it all comes back to my hatred for myself. The only thing stopping me right now is my family. Money has been a big issue for my mother for a long time, and I couldn't kill myself. She would be devastated and I couldn't do that to her for anything in the world. I don't know what to do with my life. I don't know. | suicide |
Although I know no one will read this, please help me, I need you.I am a -year old male. These past months have been the most I have cried in my life. My friend group split up a month ago and the realisation that they were the only people I regularly hanged out with devastated me. I have been talking to a female friend who doesn't listen to my problems and complains about me. I basically have almost no one to talk to, and I am afraid to talk to anyone. I won't tell my friends I have been feeling suicidal and felt like ending myself, they'll think something is wrong with me and they won't care. I can't tell my grandparents as they wouldn't understand me. I am scared to tell my parents, they'll send me to a mental hospital and they will be mad at me, they'll permanently look at the in a completely different way. I have been feeling so helpless and I haven't left my house for days, which made my situation even worse. I just need someone to talk to, to help me. Thank you for reading this annoying wall of text. Reach out to me if you are even slightly interested at helping me, thank you in advance. | suicide |
Girls a couple questions What is considered boyfriend material? Is a guy masturbating a red flag? Do a guys nudes even get you off? | non-suicide |
Yall know what time it is Horny shitpost time ofc Feel free to DM Im very fun and Im bored of studying | non-suicide |
My sisters weddingI am no contact with my family, except for my baby sister. My parents were abusive, and my mother is a narcissist, so everyone in the very small town I grew up in thinks shes wonderful and thinks that I am the monster child that abandoned her. My baby sister is getting married soon in my hometown, and all of my family, and all of the people who think Im so awful, are invited. she is the only family who will still speak to me and I cant let her down by not going but I also dont know how to go. The rest of my life is so horrible that it feels like I might as well fucking off myself before her wedding date so that I dont have to worry about it. It doesnt help that I dont drive and its in a very very small town where there is no such thing as Uber or lyft and I have no idea how Im going to get to the wedding or get away from the wedding without asking a family member who I havent spoken to in years for help. She doesnt understand why I dont want to go, it hurts her feelings that her wedding frightens me. My life is such a shit show I dont have anything to live for anyway. Im so fucking scared for her wedding. I am fairly recently divorced myself, and I have no friends or anyone I can ask to go with me to the wedding. I have aged poorly because of stress, I am mentally unstable and on medication, I am a self-injurer, I have alcohol problems, I dont want these people who already judge me to see me like this, but I know if I dont go my sister will never forgive me. I think its kinder to everyone for me to just end it. and not just because of her wedding, because Im just a giant piece of shit in general and I dont deserve to live and Ive been suicidal for the majority of my life, the wedding is just the most recent catalyst. | suicide |
just reflected on my life and realized i have terrible ways of coping with problems this is why I hate thinking about my problems and how I deal with them because I realize how terrible I handle stuff. | non-suicide |
Its time to settle it, What was the best childhood show? We all have a favorite. I expect some good debate in the comments. | non-suicide |
Day of posting random "fun" facts everyday until I forget or get bored Mercury and Venus are the only two planets in our solar system that do not have any moons Have a nice day :) | non-suicide |
i dont see the point anymoreWhere do i start im a year old male with heavy self confidence issues ive been told by a lot of different girls and guys im attractive but i still see myself as the ' chubby un-athletic sad little fuck who sits in his dark room crying all night i had the perfect girl for a year i loved her but of course the shitty side of me came out at the end of the year and all im gonna say is i completely ruined that entire relationship. im a month into my first year of high school and im already failing classes. i feel like nothing but a burden to the few that are even around me anymore my mom my dad and my best friend Emily. i suck at school i suck at my job. no one looks forward to working the same night as me because i close and im so fucking slow (work in a pizza place) i dont mean to be. ive tried therapy and it barley helps at all all my friends left because ive had consistent suicidal thoughts and no matter what anyone tells me i just end up still feeling shitty and they get tired of telling me the same shit over and over night by night so....yeah. i dont think i was here to survive ive done some good in my life and i think i was here for that and nothing further all i do is cause my parents stress my moms wanted to give me away since i was like and my dad believes i should be the most masculine human ever so not a single emotion around him. i honestly lost all hope at this point and have nothing to turn to i dont have anyone to turn to anymore you guys are it i hate myself and i just dont see why i deserve to be here | suicide |
I wish....more people would acknowledge that suicide is also a result of having to deal with incurable disorders/diseases. People always talk about mental illness, homosexuality, bullying etc. when talking about suicide and I just feel left out. | suicide |
Fuck manJust fuck. Im so fucking tired | suicide |
Someone please talk to me, no one does anymoreI think I'm going to hurt myself. I don't enjoy anything anymore because I'm a piece of shit, and hurting myself is somehow fun. Please help me and talk to me. Edit: Can you use reddit chat? | suicide |
I dropped my left airpod into a bowl of soup Off to a great start eh? | non-suicide |
Hey, I'm trying to build up my growing discord server. Dm me to join Just yesterday, I began a discord server for the fun of it. However, much to my surprise, it kicked off and has one of the best mod teams I've ever met, and good people all around. If you would like to help this server build its identity, please dm me. | non-suicide |
A week doesn't go by without me being so suicidal, that it makes my partner suicidal as well. And sometimes, my brain will convince me that the solution to it all is to just die.Today, like pretty much every single week for the past month, I would get into such a terrible mood that it would negatively affect my partner as well. It's so fucking stupid and annoying of me. I love him to death (inappropriate to say this now but oh well lol) but sometimes it feels like I'm a burden to him. So my brain is sitting here all "KILL YOURSELF NOW OR ELSE I WILL!" type bullshit, and I tell him quite frankly when I don't feel so good, which makes him sad and suicidal, which then makes me even more sad and suicidal, and then we both cry, act like we're about to do it, calm down, get over it. But that cycle really sucks. The guilt is also so ... intense. But today, I was so sure that he was going to kill himself that my brain started immediately focusing on what I'd do to myself. That feeling of acceptance is scary and I do not want it ever again. I do not want to be okay with the idea of him killing himself, and then me doing the same. What sucks though is that our relationship is long distance, but we will meet soon. I wish I were with him. I think I would feel better if he were there in real life, and I would do just about anything to make him happy. I don't know what to do anymore. Traditional help (psychiatrist, medication, therapy) does not work. I've tried for years. What else could work? I don't believe in traditional medicine or homeopathy but I am desperate. | suicide |
My life is so fucked up right now I can't keep up with the amount of school work they give me. Im sitting in my room all day long. I have no friends. I'm highly unmotivated and even my stomach can't get me to eat. My parents don't care about me and always drag me where THEY want to go, also they yell at me for ridiculous reasons. My mood is either lazy, dissatisfied or angry and there's nothing that changes it. | non-suicide |
n ^ ! ... And I mean it. Rotate your phone degrees to see. | non-suicide |
What I would like...I would like to get out of bed, dress myself well, put in my earbuds, and stroll out to my car while queuing up some of my favorite music. There I can grab my weed and some rope and head to the backyard. Once in the backyard, I would like to smoke a bowl or two, really however many Im feeling, and fade out while my lifes soundtrack runs in the background. When Im high, and I mean really high, Ill head back inside with my things. Inside is where I would like to die. I would like to go into the storage room and string my rope from the support beam. Its strong enough to hold. Ill step up, slip the rope around my neck, and kick. How quiet it could be | suicide |
Is there some sort of checklist I can use to make sure everything is taken care of beforehand?I've got around a month before I go, and I want to make sure it's as easy for everyone as possible since I live a state away. | suicide |
I dont think im a very good personI always screw up. And I try to be better but I dont seem to be improving. This is dumb but I just dont like my personality. But at the same time, I dont know how to be any different. I just feel stuck. And I have no faith in myself. I just want to be wanted. I dont even know where this post is going tbh. Ive almost given up for being a better student and person. Its easier to just act dumb than try and fail. | suicide |
How much do guys jerk off? I'm a female and I probably to it atleast twice a day everyday. How about you guys is it more or less? | non-suicide |
Some random customer started to yell at me and swear at me in drive through yesterday and I started to cry lmaooo I didnt do anything either, they were bitching about how their order was messed up last time and just kinda let their anger out on me rip | non-suicide |
Day/night Good night yall but I dont think Ill sleep much because Im getting anxiety from there being a test coming up and still getting a lot of homework but have a good night everyone as always Im here to talk (when I wake up) | non-suicide |
fuck you lifeim such a fucking disappointment | suicide |
Sometimes I just want out.Sometimes I just want out. I feel like I have nothing to live for. I don't consider myself to be truly close to anybody in this world. I'm almost years old and I feel like I've lived a completely unfulfilling life. Sure, I'm young and I could turn it around, but I've told myself I would a thousand times before and things always end up the same. Will I kill myself? Probably not today, but I think it's an inevitability that some day I will. I'm an introvert and I don't know how to make new friends. I just graduated college, I can't find a job, and I worry that once I do find a job it will only lead me towards a life of disappointment. I'm so unhappy with my life. I haven't been with a girl in years and I'm convinced that my overwhelming insecurities would sabotage any potential relationship anyways. I don't know what to do. I wish I could just end it all but I know it would ruin my family's lives. But some day, when life's disappointments become too much to bare, I might have to disregard their feelings and make that selfish decision. I don't know what I hope to accomplish by posting this, I guess I just need to vent. Thanks for reading. | suicide |
Does anybody watch The Office UK? Is it better than The Office US? I hate bots filler filler filler I hate bots I hate bots | non-suicide |
Suicidal person curious about experience of people who have been medicatedSo I have numerous reasons. In a lot of ways, on paper, my life isn't that bad, nevertheless I would just rather not. My life didn't get bearable until I made the plan to quit my job, spend all my money traveling then come back and etc. There are things that make me sad, but I don't know if I would say its depression that has had me leaning in this direction for almost the last two years. It seems very rational to me, based on several specific circumstances. I can't account for the mysteries of what might lay beyond or the fact that it would devastate my family, notwithstanding I am very calmly approaching the end. I never considered medications, for one its not sadness and so in my eyes not depression but reasons of futility. It seems like the western conception of depression pathologizes the individual looks at it through the only prism a biologist for instance is capable of understanding a person losing drive in life which is chemical ratios, which you know maybe could just be how a very ordinary reaction to overwhelming circumstances appears in the brain. It doesn't seem like western medicine can make the leap to suspect that maybe there is something wrong with our society, how we live, the disparity between what we are told will make us happy and reality, that maybe it is myriad external forces and not something that can just be washed over by manipulating chemicals in the brain. I don't know, I studied culture and why we make the choices we do, I see how we see from the side and so to me everything has a more holistic explanation. To the topic, what was the transition like for those of you who took medication? Did it remove sadness by just not making you feel anything? How did it make you able to bear the reasons you felt like life wasn't worth living? Are you now forever dependent on the medication? I remember reading about David Foster Wallace and how the Oscillations of his wellness to unwellness associated with some antidepressant may have had a role in his ultimately killing himself. To possibly save you time, I'm not necessarily contemplating saving myself through medication. I'm kind of winding my way back and forth across the edges of whats permissible in some of these subreddits to try and find my way to something, I'm not exactly sure what. | suicide |
I came out to my parents :) I finally decided to come out to my parents as trans after a year of being closeted :D. It was very awkward though because I speak English and my parents speak Czech and my Czech is bad, but they are accepting yay. I just wanted to share this life-changing moment with yall. | non-suicide |
life is bullshitUnfairly flunked out of college and then my girlfriend dumped me when I told her I'd be moving back to home in Montana. There's no one here except for the top two critics in my life, whom from each I derive % of my genetics. When I feel really bad, sticking a Glock under my chin actually helps, I feel like I still have a tiny scrap of dignity left. | suicide |
Good god all I wanted was a good th birthday. Mother of fuck. Life couldnt do me good for this one day. Just this one day. But nah. Life said, You can go ahead and lube yourself up cuz Im gonna fuck your ass HARD.Had to get embarrassed beyond belief. I was thinking to myself, Please dont let that happen today please dont. Guess what. It fucking did. I was thinking, Please dont shaft me after all this stuff Ive saved up guess what. NOPE. FUCK YOU. Dont matter that its your bday you can get fucked!!! God. My photos for my bday look like Im someones autistic step child. No offense Im just trying to make a point. But god could anything go right?????? started off the fucking WORST way possible. My dad pissed and drunk, my mom being stupid, life shafting me, all my work for nothing, my most important bday of my life RAPED, and me wanting to die even more. Happy New Years. I really mean it | suicide |